#also im bitter bc this event is so fucked up

[llondonfog]

Ignore if you're not taking the parental caretaker and kid writing prompts. Can you do the "take me instead" prompt with Lilia and Silver in an alternate ending to the Playful Land event where Silver goes with Jamil and Idia to save everyone when they didn’t return? After trying to fight, Silver offers himself up as an exchange for everyone to the owner of the carnival, who either likes Silver or recognizes his heritage. Lilia, meanwhile, is helpless to say anything as he’s puppetfied, so can only watch as Silver exchanges his safety for his own.

"The crown jewel of my collection," the carnival owner breathes as if swept up in some avaricious vision and Lilia wants to vomit at the nauseating sight of his bejeweled fingers caressing a lock of silver hair (Lillia's own blessing!) between them as Silver stands rigidly still and stoic throughout the callous inspection, only the slight tensing of his jaw betraying his discomfort and unease at the truth this stranger seems to possess. "To waste your good looks and breeding on a simple soldier puppet? I wouldn't dream of it— to own a prince, yes . . . oh yes, that would certainly be a claim to fame like none other."

It's useless to struggle, but Lilia's never been very keen on submission, straining with all his might within the cage of his frozen limbs and the rictus of the ludicrous smile that blasted, thrice-damned fox has etched into his face (oh, once he gets his claws on the pair of them— there won't be a scrap of fur left after he tears them limb from limb). He has to continue to fight against the rotted wood corrupting his skin, he has to believe that there's some flaw to this insidious curse, a flaw that even he could exploit with the miniscule puddle of magic left in his soul, he can't— he can't allow this to happen! He cannot allow this boy— his son, his precious, golden-hearted child— to sacrifice himself for a dwindling old fae and his miscreant classmates who would easily turn their back on him if he was so far unsalvageable, there has to be another way!

"It's quite ironic though, wouldn't you say?" The carnival owner turns to grin at Lilia, all mangled teeth and glittering slot machine eyes, and Lilia's never wanted to forgo magic and punch someone with a demonstration of real fae might as furiously as he does now, to have the sick satisfaction of the man's face crumpling under his fist and revealing the candy floss and caramel stitching him together. "Who could have guessed that a child would end up to be the one running after their own wayward parent?"

He remembers now what shame tastes like, the bloated ache exploding on his tongue as the cruel words sink in and catch at a memory— a memory of ghosts and tricks and Silver staring at him in disbelief as if he'd shattered the very essence of who the boy thought he was. Silver with an expression of such heartbreaking confusion, having braved countless obstacles all to save his father whom he thought was in danger. . . only to realize that the man had helped to orchestrate the entire affair.

Silver, who like the true knight— no, like the true son he is— once again laying his own life on the line for his loved ones.

How could Lilia have allowed this to be the second Halloween that he's been so thoughtless and disappointed his son?

[glubandeepspace]

THIS MAY SOUND STUPID AND INSANE RIGHT NOW BUT IM PUTTING OUT THERE A THEORY THAT HE ISNT FULLY HIMSELF WHEN HIS EYES GO ALL BLUE AND TALKS LIKE A BETRAYED SEA GOD IM THINKING LIKE AN AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER SHIT SCENARIO LOWKEY AND SOMETHINGSOMETHING STUFF THAT OFC TIES IN WITH THE AETHER CORE THAT WOULD HAVE ITS OWN HISTORY WITH LEMURIA BUT FUCK IF I KNOW. I THE RAFAYeL REREADER ANALYZER. GOD.

[crguang]

feel like the only way i can see kafhime be so soft is if we go with an AU where kafhime got together before astral express and stellaron hunters. and they broke up due to their opposing natures as astral express and stellaron hunters are symbolized to the opposites of one another in many ways, including their path.

astral express cares about the journey while stellaron hunters care about the ending. and they break up on a bitter note and go with their life.

EXACTLYYYYYYY UGH!!!! i feel like such a contrarian cause everyone loves kfhm but unless they met before a LOT of things happened canonically and have some sort of history they make no senseeee, kafka is everything himeko hates. himeko is everything kafka could never bother to be. the SH and the express crew are ultimately working for the same goal but the SH are undeniably more selfish about it, and they believe that the end justifies the means when that’s not a value of the express crew at all. trailblaze vs finality. their core values don’t align and that’s what’s so interesting about their relationship with each other and the TB, who’s known both sides (even if they cant remember they still have a relationship with the SH). characterization wise i just don’t see canon himeko letting her guard down for someone like kafka and vice versa, i think the destroying planets part would be enough for her to never wanna see kafka again personally

it’s also what currently irks me about how the stellaron hunters are perceived in the game, they have everybody be friends when they shouldn’t be like😭 in the recent event march is acting all buddy buddy with silver wolf like she wasnt ready to leave the luofu to deal with their stellaron crisis alone just because kafka was the one telling them to go there… like she got so heated seeing kafka but SW helps her out once (cause she’s the TB’s friend) and suddenly there’s no animosity towards what the SH do, i don’t get it. and it’s not himeko’s politeness towards firefly to work towards a common goal (saving penacony) either, she was trying to cheer her up and everything like what’s going on… what happened to “we’re not your friends why should we care”?😭

i also recently saw one of topaz’s voice lines about them and it’s just something like “i’m not familiar with their work but they have an excellent credit score”… YOU WORK FOR THE IPC?????? in kafka’s trailer she literally breaks into pier point (ipc hq) and kills a bunch of them. you’re telling me she doesnt give a fuck?… i get that she only works for one division of the ipc but how is she not familiar with some of their work like that sounds so stupid. jade i understand because that woman is evil herself so im not surprised she sees the SH as an opportunity/investment rather than condemn their actions. but it’s just crazy because you don’t get a 10.99 billion dollars bounty playing with kittens. i feel like the natural reaction to them would be “i don’t like those guys actually” but no one cares😭😭 it’s a little annoying bc i love that the SH aren’t good people but they’re not treated with the ire they deserve and it’s lame. commit to the bit!!!!!

all that to say that himeko’s the one person i would never want to change her mind about them because her understanding/empathy should have its limits. their actions are despicableeee firefly can act as cute and shy as she wants, that machine probably has killed so many people bruh. they make their own choices and should be held accountable for them otherwise it’s just lame and there are no stakes to that story imo. ive had that on my chest for the longest time im sorry i used your ask to dump it all but omg it was annoying me so bad😭😭😭

[otrtbs]

hi! could you explain a little bit what you studied and if you did any apprenticeship before you got a job ? a little summary to how you got there ? i’m so curious (and i admire you a lot)

hiya!! sure!!

so back in high school i actually started volunteering at my local art museum when i was 16 (up until i graduated at 18). they had a program specifically designed for teens to volunteer at the museum (i gave guided tours, and helped plan events at the museum, and worked with kids 3-12 in a drop-in studio every saturday where they could make art of their own after looking in the gallery) <- not a lot of museums do this, but you can call and ask if they need volunteer docents for the weekends !! they’ll train you!!

then i majored in art history in undergrad (making sure to focus my courses in modern and contemporary art towards the end of my studies bc that’s what i wanted to do! also i took a LOT of french classes. as in i only needed a few credits to have a minor but the last class was so hard i dropped it) to give yourself a leg up, i recommend studying a language (italian, french, spanish, german) most jobs in ARH require at least a minimal reading knowledge of another language.

while i was in school, i got a job at my university’s art museum as a gallery assistant! (<- fancy way of saying i walked around the galleries and told people not to touch the paintings and answered their questions if they asked and made sure no one was trying to steal the art)

during the summer, i got a summer internship at an art gallery in the biggest city close to my house (bc i moved back home w my parents in the summertime. uni housing was crazy expensive) and that was the *most* instrumental. i learned how to write wall texts, how to install artworks, i made studio visits to artists, updated the gallery website, handled artist contracts, you name it! it was great experience!!

i also got involved in art history/fine arts clubs at my university! i was on the fine arts council at my uni which represented the art and art history department to the student senate and the university at large. and the art historical society.

then i got my master’s degree in history of art theory and display, joined the art historical society at that university, got a degree and entered my FLOP ERA OF THE CENTURY

and by that i mean, i was 6 months unemployed and moved back home w my parents flop era. no one would hire me ,, no one would even give me a call back to tell me they didn’t wanna hire me ,,, and then one day someone did !! rahhh!!!! and i got some of my research approved 4 publishing and now im here!!!! (i say this not to discourage you but to let you know that the job market for art history ppl is tough,, it has always been tough,, but if you love it, it’s never a waste to pursue!)

i would do a few things differently if i had a second go at it, just to get a leg up so here’s some advice that im giving but i DIDNT DO myself:

1) try to minor in something to give you a leg up! a language is good, marketing is good, public relations… something to make you stand out!

2) try to get things published as an undergrad or a grad student! get your research out there if you can (way easier said than done ik ik) have some things you can list under your publications tab on your CV

3) if you find yourself in a 6+ month jobless, flop era period like me, volunteer somewhere at a museum or gallery if you are able. i was bitter as fuck that i had a masters degree and would be working at a museum for free when i needed money so i didn’t do it ,, but when someone finally calls back and you get an interview and they ask what you’ve been up to recently ,,, telling them you spend your time volunteering in museum spaces and working in your desired environment looks so much better than saying “i’ve been job searching” i promise !! (<- also just recognizing the extreme privilege i had to just stay at home and look for jobs in my desired field instead of immediately having to get a job somewhere. but im not gonna lie to you. i put out applications at olive garden and einstein’s bagels and they both rejected me. so. i was scrambling bc my student loans were due and i had zero dollars 2 my name 🧍‍♀️)

okay i rambled on for entirely tooooooo long. but i hope this was helpful somewhat !!! 💗💗

[doekimakura]

"The 'me' that you see wasn't enough, so you leave."

I posted another art here before relating Sigma's relationship with [Spoiler man] and why it destroyed me from the inside out HAHAHA

but this time im adding some not-so-tiny rant under here bc their strained relationship is so personal to me IM SORRY BOYS FOR RUINING YOU but this is an AU anyway so i get to go ham

(also fuck it im revealing spoiler man)

"Haru no Sekibaku" / "The Desolation of Spring" is one of my early Inabakumori songs which depicts thrown away relationship/friendship. Depends on how you see it, the singer laments but also cursed the relationship and the person who left them once their use ran out and, well,

Sigma's whole thing since MCSS has always been a 'tool' initially. He is appointed to serve Raha and to prioritize their happiness over himself. While Raha was thankful for his 110% effort, there was no actual reciprocation for all that effort, while Sigma wished to share a more 'special' relationship with someone who he thinks has feelings for him.

In a way, he expected Raha to love him/show love back to him, whereas Rahauel/Steven does not do the same due to their initial position and the trouble it would bring.

(TBHHHHH my plans for Sigma was initially different than who he is now. Aka, i didnt really plan this out properly since Sigma was supposed to just be a yandere trope villain who appears time and time again. I DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE HIM FLESHED OUT INITIALLY. MY GOD, HE WAS PLANNED TO BE A SHALLOW VILLAIN BFSGVFDSF which is why all this extra backstory planning were last minute, yet they are so good that i couldn't help BUT include them. It's why their conflict is so messy and confusing to me, because I think I planned it very poorly and didn't connect the dots right and ended up feeling weird about it.)

(Teehee)

bUT LISTEN the song basically just hits them right. For Sigma, it was a declaration of remorse for all the wasted effort and the useless feeling of chasing a one-sided relationship and the bitterness of having that innocent yet entitlement tarnished when Steven rejected him after the first BBQ event.

But on the other side of the coin, it also lowkey applied to Steven/Raha, who did their best to be accepted by an uncaring mother who wanted nothing but tangible results and victory over everything.

So all that remains are lingering feelings, yet also a bridge burnt to the ground from both ends.

And what makes it worse is that Sigma refuses to talk to Steven out of that bitterness, disappointment, and also ego after saying he will leave Svallin forever. On the other hand, Steven avoids him out of guilt, or puts on a mask and throwing shallow quips at Sigma whenever they meet because he realized the severity of what he did and weighed by guilt over it, thinking he deserves someone better instead of babysitting a weak, 'helpless' asshole like him.

...

Just kiss already.

[hematomes]

Dunno if you've mentioned this but did you keep up with land of the lustrous? If so, thoughts?

Also started the rest of arcane today, that was fun

sorry i was procrastinating

i did finish it!!! absolutely gorgeous ending, although im still a little bitter about phos' abnegation. did you see the event release for the last volume? there were like fireworks and also a small snippet of phos' VA voicing the very final lines of the story.

spoilers under the cut wowza

im still hung up on prayer phos praying everyone away bc they were all so fucking terrible to them, but i understand the goal and it makes sense in the story- the very last chapter also cemented the idea that it was for the best, and in line with phos' evolution.

overall my favorite manga ever and i think it won't ever be topped by anything else.

[strawberryseeded]

ITADORI YUJI MYSTERIES AS OF NOW

number 1: why is he so crazy even BEFORE becoming a jujutsu sorcerer

it seems like he had a normal and happy upbringing, he never even met his real parents or had any contact w the sorcery world before the events in the series (his own birth doesnt count) so WHY IS HE LIKE THIS T-T

im so serious. he is UNHINGED. its like his survival instinct kicks in a million years later than normal. stubborn and sturdy almost to a fault, both physically and mentally, always running towards danger unprepared, getting seriously hurt, and getting back up again. like yea ok todo picked him up during his fight w mahito but, dude, itadori has died TWICE in the series till now n hes still going, his will stronger than ever before (ya know wat they say tho, 3rd times the charm am i right hahah*WRECKS THE ROOM*)

i mean even gojo says hes not ok in the head in like chapter 5 (FIVE!!!!!!!!!)

tbh this is the question that bothers me the most but its also prob the one that will never be answered...man..

number 2: did he fucking eat his sibilings.....(spoilers: wrong question)

......who are not rly people i guess..or human.... they are curse/human hybrids which were never truly "born" so they are uh...wombs..or fetuses or smt like dat...mmh yeah knowing this doesnt make it sound less horrifying..

at first i thought he had eaten sukunas last "missing" finger cos he looked so disgusted while saying so (yay sukuita hatred is mutual💕👰🤵)..also hes eaten like 15 of those things till now, so yanno its our daily bread for him..

but then hes talking 2 choso abt this n its like..dude...... dude what do you mean living as a part of you..

long story short: YES HE DID HE ATE THESE FREAKIGN THINGS:

& obviously since hes itadori yuji they didnt take over n instead he got their powers and techniques. i think thats where he got his cool new armor that kinda looks like tough flesh.

and apparently he can manipulate his own blood also, which again i think its the result of eating the death paintings. he made it explode in sukunas face lol but idk if he can do other things w it maybe i missed smt.

he learned to use the technique super fast too BUT thats probably due to the "cheating" yuta metions when sukuna asks how the fuck did they power up so fast. i saw a yt video theorizing this was maybe due to training done in a simple domain that compresses time (like when maki trained w the sumo guy)...idk dude..

(btw i think so, so often abt how gojo theorized that itadori maybe could use sukunas technique/s since itadori was borrowing his cursed power….i wonder if he never could do it cos sukuna was so freaking uncooperative until the bitter end aka their soul divorce lol.. bc clearly itadori is capable of learning techniques that are not his own..idk idkkkk just sayin….wondering…)

OH YEA i almost 4got cos i just made another post abt it but he can also use the fucking reverse curse technique as well. bro even gojo had trouble mastering that..like again yea they "cheated" but still wow.

number 3: this freaking dude can touch souls now

ok we kinda knew this already from mahito and itadori's 1st fight but..this scene:

they switched bodies!!!!!!!......????? i think???!! and i cant think of other reason except an "exchange of souls" bc in jjks world sukunas soul habiting itadoris or megumis body, or the death paintings taking over human bodies are possible ways in which a soul can get inside another body. whats more, mahitos or nobaras techniques can directly affect the soul so this shud totally be possible.

& it looks like itadori in particular can affect others' soul with precision.

the question is How the hell..... bc as far as we know no one else has this power amongst the surviving sorcerers (i want her (nobara) back so bad rn....)

IT COULD BE that book choso got from yuki that contained all of her research abt the soul..still, itadori is the only one whos shown to be able to actually be able to do this so accurately. sukuna is the one who confirms it:

yea idk dude itadori yuji is an absolute beast..im so weirded out when i see ppl underestimate him n caling him an npc, dumb, etc, lol ToT he is such a good character it drives me insanies ..i didnt even touch on his thematic weight in the series (bc OF COURSE, as the main character, he is key in this. his beliefs are core to his character and directly opposes sukunas, in spite of the asshole always laughing in his face about ..just kidding its obviously BECAUSE he is so different from itadori that he just doesnt get it n simply disregards him as a powerless idiot..i mean we r talking abt the guy who valued power so much he casted away everything else, even his own humanityaaaAAAH ok ill shut up nowwww)

[ichorai]

Im watching succession rn and reading hell yeah simultaneously and YOOOOO the way its my lifeline rn, like fr fr. Its so so good!! Im currently in the third season and after i finish an episode i come back to tumblr to read the part of hell yeah from the ep 😭💕 i do have to confess that i mayyy or may not have read beyond the ep im currently in BUT idc bc it was so worth it !! Kept wondering as well, while i was reading, what wouldve happened if roman chose to fire the reader instead of “breaking up”?? How do you think the reader would have reacted?? I couldnt stop thinking if that possibility bc i love angst lmfao

ANYWAY !! Thank you so much for sharing the story with us!! Its absolutely amazing and your writing is so so good <3

omg thanks so much for reading dude :( makes me so happy that you guys are enjoying the series !!

as for an au where roman fires reader, she'd definitely not take him seriously at first. maybe laugh and tell roman to stop joking around but then does a double take when she realizes he's being forreal </3 roman also tries to alleviate the guilt he feels by repeatedly saying it was logan's decision, not his (don't blame the messenger and whatnot) but reader would be v hurt nonetheless. he'd start spouting out bs like, "i'm doing you a fucking favor, it's for the best, i'm putting the company's interests first, etc." from then, reader would grow furious and tells roman that if he fires her then whatever it was that they had between them would be over. roman, being roman, tells her they never stood a chance in the first place (he doesn't actually believe this, he's just swept up in the argument).

everyone's surprised / shocked when they hear she's been sacked, as she's so close to the family without acc being on the board and also has such a vital role keeping the company afloat. waystar itself would have a terrible adjusting period bcs they really underestimated just how much reader did for them (esp the small things that accumulated in her absence).

she leaves the company upset and bitter at first, but eventually realizes that she can finally live her own life and do what she wants to do without the constraints of the company / the roy family / her own absent parents. reporters are still constantly swarming her, asking her what happened, why she got fired, if she has any plans on going back, etc.

as for her relationship with roman, i can see them reconciliating eventually after a month or two because roman misses her like air and he fucking hates being in his dog cage the company without her there. would spam text her a million times one random day until she finally responds and would demand that she come to a fancy restaurant (he'll pay ofc, he's assumed she's gone totally broke now that she's not working w him), and they meet again and things just fall into place with the two of them :( reader is still pretty angry and hasn't forgiven roman yet, but she's missed him a lot too and couldn't ever permanently estrange herself from roman. as for the other siblings, reader wouldn't really keep in contact with shiv and kendall without roman in the equation, but she still gets check-up texts from connor, which she would briefly but fondly respond to </3

in this au, reader & roman wouldn't romantically get together probably until after the events of season four. they're terribly tragic soulmates in every universe i'm afraid !!

[hazujosh]

the way that hazuki is literally such a perfect match for joshua is sooo so sickening. they're peers? smth that joshua's been lacking for? forever? joshua who has not allowed himself to connect w the humanity he's always felt connected to inside of him paired with a guy who will absolutely just initiate conversation and whatever if he feels the need to is so. mwah chefs kiss. i dont care that they have exactly (1) interaction its everything. of course it makes sense for joshua to be bitter about the events that hazuki caused but it's also. does he hate hazuki? i dont think so. despite the bitterness he feels it's more complicated than that because after all joshua almost did basically the same thing it's just. he changed his perception before it happened. In what hanekoma didn't trust in (rightfully so), hazuki did. (granted we dont really know the exact reasoning for shinjuku's cleanse but...im setting that aside for now because this isnt about ntwewy's blanks in background info) .... Joshua's growth is what makes him bitter about it but it's also what makes him receptive towards seeing the changes that hazuki could make....the ways he could connect with humanity....... and then joshua asking hazuki about his conversation with rindou? in twewy's secret ending we see how he just turns away and disengages when hanekoma tries to engage with joshua after noticing he seems down, so it feels so interesting when he starts to open up about his own feelings after hazuki expresses his confusion to him. even though joshua doesn't. really need to know about that? he doesn't even need to tell hazuki about himself either... and also in the jp text rather than saying "you need to watch where you're going" after hazuki says he was just following after joshua he says smth like "really? im still inexperienced" (take the TL w a grain of salt bc my jp is not great but the text is 本当？まだまだ未熟だね). and it's like yea i mean joshua has lied and he's been kind of strange when he talks abt emotional stuff from wht we see in twewy (it's either testing neku in his feelings and beliefs or avoiding them entirely) but im inclined to think he's genuine there? because yes it would make sense that he would agree now that his idea to erase shibuya was a bad one? that he was inexperienced then and he might still feel inexperienced even after three years because he'd probably be dealing with navigating being more of a Person post-twewy with what he learned and then you know. having to trap your best friend who proved that you shouldn't give up on yourself and give up on humanity to protect him while also having to deal with whatever the fuck is going on in shibuya right after you decided to save that shit because you let yourself love it again. AND IT'S LITERALLY RIGHT AFTER JOSHUA SAYS (in the jp text, again loose tl) that hazuki has always been sloppy in regards to the lower plane....omg. like...its not like he has to extend kindness to hazuki but. he does. probably because he understands how hazuki came to do what he did. Again theyre just. exactly what they need for each other. joshua needs a push to get on with accepting the faucets of his emotions and humanity that he's repressed by being put into such a difficult position for (presumably) a teenager and hazuki needs someone who's willing to teach him about all of that.....we could even slot them under Male Yuri. theyve fascinated me in the like 2 minutes they have together. they fulfil the same needs of water and air and foo

[butcharyastark]

Speaking of jcs, can I have a rating of the musicals/ different versions?

HOWDY, IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED.

keep in mind ive only watched a handful of recordings or productions compared to other ppl but i do have Opinions on the ones ive watched. [cracks knuckles] so:

1. biased maybe because i just watched it but the 50th anniversary arena tour (circa early 2023, there have been other castings last year ik but this year's one is the one i love). i had the chance to go see it bc it was in my state this month and its the latest one i've watched but it instantly blew away all the other versions i've seen. just... the great singing of 1996 london cast and great acting of 1973 movie and creative staging like the 2018 live in concert.... it had everything and there was not a single ball dropped or a single bad or even meh actor or song or artistic decision. i am usually not one to rec ppl to go buy a ticket to an event but seeing it was the best intro to musical theater or live performances i could have ever had and AHHHHHH. sm details of this will stay in my mind forever re: jcs i can't pick one thing to deacribe bc it's Everything and i'd be here for two hours if i tried. it has my FAVORITE ending of any jcs production and idk if any other production will compare to the high intensity emotions and poetics and symbolism combined with amazing singing like this one.

2. have to go with 1996 london cast recording. i havent seen it and idk if there are even any bootleg recordings of it, but the album is The jcs album i relisten to. fucking A+++. again, maybe i'm biased bc this was my first full jcs album (as opposed to random songs), but idk if anything else but the 1973 movie studio recording album can compare purely musically to me. i love how you can HEAR the acting in the emotional singing while also not sacrificing the singing itself (looking at you 2000 movie judas), and idk i feel like it so clearly tells the story in the tone even without being able to see it, and that's fantastic. every other jcs production in terms of singing and audible acting gets compared to this one, for me. this is the one i hear in my head when i remember or mentally sing the lyrics.

3. 1973 movie. carl anderson. first official filmed jcs production. 70's outfits. meta narrative. do i need to say anything else? this was my second jcs version i consumed when i Got Into It and man im glad it was. when i first watched it, it seemed kinda just alright (probably bc im not a huge fan of movies from the 70's or 80's), but the further time goes on the more i realize this is kinda just The jcs. the classic jcs. i said 1996 london cast recording is what i compare everything else to musically, but i feel like this version is the one that every other version has to live up to. simple question: is your jcs production better than carl anderson painfully crying out "he won't listen to me!" on a mountain in the desert in a fringe outfit as jesus steps out of a tour bus, yes or no? and most of the time the answer is no.

i'm not a huge fan of older movies but the acting and music in this is top tier, the costuming is fun most of the time, the sets are neat, and the underlying metanarrative about an acting group performing jcs inuniverse for a film or smth is rlly interesting. it's the only other jcs album i have saved in my music folder besides the 1996 london cast recording. 9/10

also as a judas fan this is also the judas i compare every other judas to bc... goddamn carl anderson covers every base. desperation and anger and righteousness and tenderness and pain and bitterness and longing.... he has the range. and honestly it's got my favorite version of Superstar so far. i don't think anyone else has topped carl anderson's version yet.

4. swedish arena tour (idr the year). amazing casting, AMAZING acting, fucking incredible costumes, great singing. the only reason it's this far down this list is bc i prefer other character interpretations, but like, the appeal of bisexual vampy switch jesus who flirts with most of the apostles inbetween his main love interests of biker milf mary magdalene and legolas-in-a-mesh-shirt judas... simply cannot be understated. pretty much every artistic decision is 7 or higher out of 10. it's a very consistently good production, and a very gay one. i like the swedish translated lyrics also.

5. 2000 movie. i think everyone knows by now how bad this one is but it's so campy and jcs is inherently ridiculous as both the appeal and the concept that it loops back around to being good. it's not my fave version but it was my third jcs version and it was honestlly rlly fun to watch. what it lacks in singing, it makes up for in acting. i think Heaven On Their Minds, Everything's Alright, This Jesus Must Die, The Last Supper, and Superstar are the numbers that shine here. i think this movie is actually my favorite versions of everything's alright and this jesus must die. i really like the symbolism they try to use in this one. ik i said i genuinely think the acting makes up for the singing, but this might be higher if judas actually SANG. or if pilate was less sympathetic bc i actually hate this pilate djdjfj this version gets points for being much less antisemitic than other jcs productions with the priests, and then immediately loses them by being noticibly more racist than others in the temple. also my favorite peter is in this one. his acting in the last supper is like 25% of my enjoyment of this version.

6. 2018 live concert. full disclosure, i haven't finished this one yet, but i love it so far. i love the outfits and the staging and the energy and casting. this singing is not my favorite and i'm genuinely not sure if john legend knows how to act or if they just cast him bc he's john legend (i'll find out in the second half ig bc i also didn't like the acting of the 50th anniversary tour jesus in the first half and THEN--) but judas does a good enough version of heaven on their minds which is my main criteria for judging a jcs production in personal likes and i do Love the meta themes of casting a real superstar singer as jesus christ given the themes of the musical. i like the dynamics between judas and mary in this one. i think judas is in the closet in this one which is very sad but his outfits absolutely make up for it. it is a spectacle and a half and i'm enjoying it so far. it might get bumped up to #5 depending on how the second half goes.

7. original concept album. i know it's very weird putting the origin of the whole thing at the bottom, but that's not because it's bad, it's just not smth i'm in love with as a whole. i do need to relisten to it--actually i will do that today--but it was really good the first time i heard it, i'm just not a fan of the sound of early rock and prefer the way various versions adapt the music in progressively more modern times. objectively talented singing tho and heaven on their minds goes OFF. i may have more takes after relistening, but that's it rn.

8. i've listened to a bunch of other tidbits of assorted performances, mostly judas solos, bc as i said, i judge a jcs production by its heaven on their minds performance and i went scouring through classic and modern versions of that at one point. this is not part of the proper ranking bc i haven't listened to them in full, but i wanted to mention them here at the end. if anyone wants a list of my fave recs of that to look into:

original mexican cast (1975)

original japanese cast (1976)

mexican revival cast (1984)

original russian cast (1992)

original czech cast (1994)

jesus christ surferstar (2003)

all female jcs recording (2022)

most of these albums can be found just uploaded on youtube or even spotify which is very cool, please check them out, i had fun skipping thru them.

and uhhhh there's all the versions i've watched in full, or mostly watched, and a few of the ones i've done neither! ik this is very long (longer than i intended) but i hope this is what u were looking for and was entertaining or helpful!!

[hxlda-hxlda]

Okay so I have just finished reading the last chapter that u just uploaded and if u dont mind im gonna rant about It .

First of all Remus and Sirius being paired Up was soo unexpected but im totally here for It . And the pure silence is seriously making me suffer I totally understand why Sirius was being dramatic cause i cant handle awkward silence , It will be the death of me i swear.

Secondly I loved the dorcas and Sirius interactions , well the whole slytherin skittles dynamic tbh .

And the way that Sirius and James hate each other more than Remus and Sirius ...

Thats soo weird and different but for some reason I really like It and am pretty interested in seeing more interactions between them .

Welpp thats all , to lazy to write more .

THANKS FOR THE UPDATE

Cant wait for the next one

thanks for reading dearest!!!!! i do not mind at ALL nothing is more fun than ppl talking to me abt my own self-induced brainrot, so rant away (as i’m now going to)!!!!!

it’s shocking to me it was a surprising turn of events. but then again it was one of the first things i KNEW was going to happen in this fic when i came up with the idea over two months ago, so it’s been rattling around my brain for a while. a lot of this fic is going to be based around those prefect rounds, which i am so thrilled to have play out.

and YES, the awkward looks and silences are everything to me!!! for me high school drama was a lot of just,,, i don’t want to talk to you,,, so i’m gonna sit here in bitter silence,,,, and it will be so fuckin weird,,,, and i love forcing that onto sirius and rem (and all of you) bc ugh. it truly is PAINFUL.

cas and sirius have become one of my favourite dynamics so unexpectedly, but i actually adore them with my whole soul - writing them is so easy and fun.

same with all our skittles. rejoining the marauders fandom after years of absence as i did, the concept of the skittles is something i’ve been discovering slowly (as it fully was not around when i was) and i was in no way expecting to write something so them-centric, but i’m enjoying how my characterisations are turning out (even if they’re a bit different from fanon)!!!!

good god i have so much to say abt sirius, james and remus in this fic. at the end of the day i’m going for this kind of mirror to fanon/canon where sirius and james are THE relationship (obvs they hate each other rn, but it is still a defining duo) and remus feels kind of on the outs as a result, seeing himself as something seperate and perhaps less of a priority as a result.

i could write a whole character study on james just for this fic. one of my main writing considerations is a sirius without a james who has shown him unconditional love. sirius in gryffindor is so different bc of JAMES, the first person to love him so overtly. when he doesn’t have that (even in his skittles in this fic, not in a way that isn’t attached to his family identity (at least in his own mind)), where does that leave sirius? bc then it also means, how do james and sirius develop a relationship when it doesn’t start with a foundation of ‘i chose you as my best mate in yr 1’, yk??? they hate each other already, where do they go from there in the future??? just. ugh. platonic prongsfoot. kills me every fucking time.

cannot wait for the next one as well, she’s a big one!!!! i’ll tell you that.

xx

[maladaptivedaydreamsx]

the one with the ceo of "we own literally everything" ft my signature lol

[kulliare]

smad that i can only talk to basically 5 ppl rn

[milf-harrington]

actually i know i already replied @that-was-anticlimactic but im also gonna make this its own post bc it means that much to me so:

Seftan and David's wedding.

Like i said in an earlier post, Seftan was raised in a rich family. So he spent a majority of his childhood being dragged to these huge fancy events and forced into uncomfortable fancy clothes, reprimanded for not using the right knot for his tie, told to stand up straight and be polite and look nice.

Because of this, Seftan always dreaded the idea of an actual wedding. He always knew he was going to marry a man, but the details around it had also always been blurry, the kind of premonitions that are never clear until he's in the moment; so he was more than happy with simply going to a courthouse and getting it over with. A big event just felt too similar to his stifling, snobby childhood.

But David- David had always wanted a wedding. It was one of those things he secretly dreamed of as a kid, something he joked about with his sister and his cousins when they were drunk as teenagers. He wanted the flowers and the dance and the walk down the aisle.

A wedding was something theyd talked about, bc they learned to communicate after the rockier moments in the early years of their relationship, and David understood and respected Seftan's discomfort surrounding the idea of a wedding, and he tried to make his peace with not having one.

But Seftan loves his man so much.

So he gets coffee with David's sister, and a few months later claims he wants to try his hand at landscaping and starts clearing out the backyard like some sort of possessed gardener.

On their anniversary, Seftan tells David to dress up nice and then to wait in the kitchen for further instructions, and David does bc he's gotten used to just going with Seftan's weirdness, but then. his fucking dad walks in, also dressed nicely (but like. a comfortable nice yknow? like a button up and good jeans, v similar to davids own outfit) and he's all grinning and excited and now David is suspicious but he follows along when his dad links their arms and leads him outside and it's just.

Its fairy lights strung between the trees, and rows of garden chairs and flowers and an archway that Seftan very stubbornly tried to build on his own before asking for help from David's cousins and nephew, and the song playing is from Seftans cleaning playlist, the one they always dance to, and basically: they have a surprise backyard wedding on the anniversary of the day they agreed to be boyfriends, and they fully wing their vows (but its not that hard, its the same promises theyve been making with every touch or kiss or act of service their entire relationship) and Seftans wearing floral jeans and a white button up and glittery eyeshadow and he'd recently given himself a buzzcut and bleached his hair bc its his wedding and his parents arent invited and he can wear what he bloody well wants to

and they have the reception just,, in their house and their wedding cake is just a woolies mud cake that Seftan stuck a little man on top of, and they toast to a life together with lemon lime bitters and just. they mean SO MUCH TO ME

[hxneylavendxr]

for the sending character thing: Izumi sena bc im basic

[evil smile]

sexuality hc - gay gay homosexual gayass mother fucker but, and this is important to me, not in ye old gay misogynist anime boy doesn't even look at women way but in a straight man's written caricature straight woman's gay best friend plaything way you know. which i think is HILARIOUS especially for a gacha anime boy what the fuck man

gender hc - he could absolutely be a trans guy he fucking could. you know the izumi sena unsafe binding official art im talking about

i don't think he's cisgender at all, but calling him effeminate just feels too damn right- he's in the gray space the gender not soup but void

ships - um. give me a ship as full of gut pulling history and reprehensible turmoil but beautiful reconciliation and resolve as izuleo and i cannot for the life of me be expected not to eat that shit up come on now they literally got married in florence what can i say

however ASIDE FROM THE OBVIOUS izukao chiaizu and all three as a polycule is <333 being in that class must have been like a fever dream i've always longed for what they had there

and ritsuizu urgh!!!!! they are (very very very very often) portrayed in fanfictions(tm) as a side pick me up/friends w benefits situation and You Know What? i agree it's always just whatever anyway with those two isn't it

brotp - 3a trio AGAIN because i contain multitudes. and Oh she's about to say something weird again izushu platonic kismesis that makes sense okay i think they're very silly. lastly izunaru!!!! arashi can be like the straight girl to his gay best friend

notp - don't think i have one for him (as i dont for most characters hsfg)

random hc - well besides the fact that izuleo getting married in florence was not a canonically explicitly stated event but it totally happened in my head, ahh we have the classic 3a trio being the only three who actually showed up to class 3a and kaoru, almost skipping himself initially, is able to convince them to all go down to the beach before their teacher shows up So he spent days in the sand with those two a lot during his school days

general opinion - he's such a textbook capital b Bitch and im really glad he didn't get all that much development in that area by the time we arrived in !! .like he got better but all i can say is that's the difference between Being a High Schooler and not being a high schooler aghhfhj he is so fucking funny what's he all bitter over 24/7 he has self inflicted asshole brain disease which is just like me fr... he is also very pretty :3

[watchmegetobsessed]

VALERIE - Part IV. (Harry Styles)

hello loves!! thank you so much for the feedbacks on the previous part, i love to see your thoughts at reactions so please keep them coming for the upcoming parts as well! i was informed that the posts weren’t showing up under the hashtags bc i had an extrernal link to the spotify playlist, so that won’t be available in the next parts, but you’ll always be able to find it in the masterpost if you’d like to give it a listen! those were the songs i listened to while writing the story! now, i dont want to keep you up any longer, here is part 4, one of my personal favs, and im excitedly waiting for your feedbacks on the post! have a wonderful reading!

word count: 4.5k

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

Valerie is curiously watching her dad work on the portable bed they’ve brought over for the night, her little hands clutching onto Rosa’s shirt as she is telling you all about the list she has made for you. It’s not a long one, but you try to focus on every word she says, making sure you won’t mess anything up.

“I put an X behind the important ones,” she explains pointing at the paper and you nod, eyes roaming down on the few X’s on the list. “The other ones are just suggestions, things I thought you should know.

“Got it,” you nod again, biting into your bottom lip. Bath time, feeding, sleep time, everything is covered in the list and you’re happy she even mentioned the smallest details. Some things might be natural for her as she’s been doing it for months, but it’s your first time completely alone with a baby. You surely don’t want to mess this up, especially because you want her to trust you and let you look after Valerie more often. They deserve a break now and then.

Steven finishes the bed and backs out a few stuffed animals along with two blankets into it, making it look cozy and familiar for Val.

“But most importantly,” Rosa starts and you look her in the eyes. “Call us anytime if you need help or want us to take her home, and I mean it.”

“Not gonna happen,” you shake your head, earning a sigh from your sister.

“Y/N, I’m serious. We are thankful for the help, but it’s not your duty, alright? Just call us anytime, really.”

Nodding your head you flash a smile at her, knowing well nothing on Earth is gonna make you call them tonight. Okay, maybe there are some cases when you would call, but those are quite unlikely to happen.

She hands Valerie over who curiously eyes you before grabbing a handful of your shirt and making herself busy with the fabric.

“It’s gonna be fine. Have a great night, you deserve it,” you smile at them. Steven straightens up and curls an arm around Rosa’s waist as they watch Val in awe, clearly a little worried they are gonna spend an entire night without her, but you can tell they also can’t wait for some alone time.

“Alright, we should get going,” Rosa sighs and stepping closer she kisses Valerie’s head and then your cheek as well. “Have fun with your aunty! We’ll be back for you in the morning, Sweetie.”

She runs her hand over her little head and Valerie smiles at her happily, completely oblivious to what’s really happening. The joys of being just a baby!

Steven says goodbye to her as well and you all head to the door. 

“So, we’ll be here around eight, she is usually up by six. Do you want us to pick her up sooner?” Rosa asks standing at the front door.

“Sooner? I was about to tell you to sleep a little longer, you don’t have to come so early.”

“But we don’t want to take away your whole day, you need to rest too,” Steven explains, worry all over his face.

“Stop worrying about me, I’ll be fine. Just enjoy your night off! Come on, I’m throwing you guys out, time for the sleepover to start,” you tell them, shushing them out the door. 

It takes some time to finally get them to leave, but they eventually do. Then it’s just the two of you, alone for the first time.

“Ready for your first sleepover, Val?” you ask her, standing in the hallway of your apartment. She just stares back at you, saliva drooling from her mouth but even that looks cute on her. “Alright, let’s do this.”

You braced yourself for the worst. Thought about all the possibilities how the evening would go, but you hoped they wouldn't become reality. Unfortunately, baby Valerie had different plans for the two of you.

The first hour goes by fine. You feed her, have a little play time, reading her favorite book to her, but slowly, you notice her losing interest in anything and everything. Soon enough, you see her face distort into a grimace and a few moments later she starts crying and it’s straight downhill from there. 

Nothing can get her to stop. No food, no toy, absolutely nothing. You clown around, trying everything that pops into your mind that would calm her down, but it doesn’t seem like she is about to stop anytime soon. 

You start to panic. Rosa told you how fussy she is because of her teeth coming, but you didn’t think it would be this bad. When she’s been crying for an entire hour straight, for a split second, you think about calling Rosa. 

“No, not gonna do that,” you say, while Val is still screaming in your arms. “Valerie, what do you want? Tell me and I’ll give it to you, I promise! Just please stop crying!” you whine desperately, but, no surprise, no answer comes from the screaming babe in your arms, just more tears, puffy eyes and red cheeks from all the crying she’s been doing.

Trying to rock her into calmness you are moving around in the apartment when you hear your phone ringing. You instantly think it’s gonna be Rosa, wanting to check in on you, but how are you gonna answer the call when Valeries is screaming from the top of her lungs? She’ll come to pick her up straight away, no doubt about that.

Rushing into the kitchen you are relieved to see that it’s just Harry calling you.

“It’s not the best of times, Styles,” you sigh as you answer the call and put him on the speaker, leaving the phone on the countertop, so you have both your hands free for Valerie.

“Hey, I was just-- what the fuck is happening?” he asks hearing the deadly cries of Val through the line. “Is that Valerie?”

“It is! I’m looking after her so Rosa and Steven can celebrate their anniversary, but she just wouldn’t stop crying! I don’t know what to do!” 

You’re absolutely desperate. It’s so bad you can feel your throat closing up, nearing the edge of your patience, tears threatening to roll down your cheeks, but you tell yourself only one of you can cry at a time and Val has taken that spot quite some time ago, not even giving you a moment to let loose.

“Text me your address, I’m leaving now,” he orders and you snap your head towards the phone.

“What? No, Harry--”

“Just text me the damn address, Y/N!” he barks and the line cuts off right away. 

Your desperation pairs with shock now, not knowing what to think about this short, but quite eventful conversation you just had with him. It takes you a few moments to collect your thoughts, but you end up sending him your address. 

Nothing changes in the twenty minutes while you are waiting to hear anything from Harry following your text to him. Valerie keeps crying with three seconds of pauses when she takes a few deep breaths only to start screaming once again. Aside from the headache she is causing you, it’s becoming pretty impressive how long she’s been doing it. You probably would have fainted by now, but it seems like Valerie is running on an endless battery.

“You are really making it hard for me to be a cool aunt, Val,” you mumble, the baby still in your arms as the tears keep rolling down her face. Your light grey shirt is now soaking wet, both from her tears and your sweat from the anxiety she is giving you, mixed with some other things you choose to ignore where they came from.

The doorbell makes you jump, but Valerie doesn’t even bat an eye at the sound, she just keeps going.

“You need to teach me how to have this much energy,” you mumble under your breath as you walk over to the door. 

Opening it you find yourself staring up at Harry who is wearing a brown coat, dark jeans and a black hoodie. If you had to guess what he was doing on this weekend evening you would have said he was out with friends somewhere, picking up girls, but he surely doesn’t look like he was anywhere else than his home, the clothes are hanging messily on his frame, like he just threw them on in a rush.

His green eyes look straight at you at first before moving over to the crying child in your arms. You fully expect him to say something along the lines of “this is the kind of effect you have on others” comment, but it seems like he notices the fear and despair in your eyes and he keeps his mouth shut.

“I honestly have no idea what to do,” you choke out and the tears start flowing from your eyes as well, making Harry have to deal with now two crying human beings.

“Oh my, please don’t cry, I can’t take two crying women at once,” Harry begs as he steps inside and shuts the door behind him. Turning to face you he reaches for Valerie, you hand her over to him, hoping she would magically stop the crying, but she clearly couldn’t care less.

“Why, can you take one?” you ask with a bitter chuckle as you wipe your cheeks.

“Not really,” he admits, making you smile. “So what have you tried?” he asks as he starts swaying and rocking Valerie in hopes of getting her to stop, but not even Harry’s charm stands a chance with her right now. Deep down you’re happy you weren’t the reason she got so fussy and upset, would have been pretty awkward if she stopped the moment Harry took her into his arms. 

“Literally everything,” you huff, shoulders falling forward. “I went over the list Rosa gave me, tried everything, but she wouldn’t stop. She’s teething, but this is… It seems like there might be something else maybe?” you tell him worried that something serious might be behind her behavior. You really don’t want to call and bother Rosa, but you are nearing the point where you’ll give up and ask for help.

“Maybe she needs to be changed?” Harry suggests holding her up, giving her butt a sniff, but you roll your eyes at him.

“You don’t think that was one of the first things I did? She is as clean as she could be. Maybe I should just call Rosa,” you sigh in defeat reaching for your phone but Harry snaps at you.

“No! Don’t, we can figure this out. Steven has been so excited to have a night off, we can’t ruin this for them. Come on, we have to have the slightest parenting skills and solve this without them.”

Nodding you agree with him, but you’ve completely run out of ideas.

“So what do you suggest?”

You can see the gears turning in Harry’s head as he is trying to come up with a plan, but it’s not like either of you have any experience with babies. The idea of calling Rosa is starting to burn in the back of your head, fear of failing this challenge taking over your thoughts.

Then Harry looks at you with a look that screams that he has an idea. You’re just about to ask what came into his mind when all of a sudden he starts to sing.

“Well, sometimes I go out by myself and I look across the water, and I think of all the things what you’re doing and in my head I paint a picture…”

You instantly recognize Amy Whinehouse’s iconic song, the one that’s also behind Valerie’s name, you know that for sure. Rosa was obsessed with the song growing up, she would sing it on the way to school, in the shower or while making dinner. You weren’t surprised she chose this name for her first daughter.

What surprises you that Harry sings like a literal angel. He hits the notes perfectly, nailing the lines like not many can and you listen to him with parted lips, eyebrows raised. This was the last thing you expected from him, but then again, it’s not the first time Harry has surprised you through the years of knowing him.

Valerie stops for a moment, her hiccups shaking through her body as her tear-filled eyes look up to Harry, and you both think this is gonna be the moment when she finally calms down, but he doesn’t even reach the chorus before she starts crying again, a defeated sigh erupting from him.

“Maybe she wants it instrumental,” you suggest and Harry gives you one of those ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ looks as you leave to run down the hallway, right into your bedroom.

“How am I supposed to make it instru-- what the hell, Y/N?!” He gives you a weirded out look when you return with a guitar in your hands. “Since when do you play the guitar?” 

“Since like… eighth grade,” you tell him as you sit on the couch and holding the guitar on your lap you try to find the right accords. “I told you, you know nothing about me.”

Harry nods with a surprised but amazed look on his face as your fingers strum against the chords. It takes a few minutes but you figure it out and glancing up you give a questioning look to Harry.

“From the start?” you ask and he nods his head, continuously bouncing up and down to try to calm Val down.

You start playing the song and soon enough Harry joins you with the singing, the two of you perfectly nailing it even without any practice.

“Stop makin’ a fool out of me, why don’t you come on over, Valerie?”

Maybe it’s the guitar, maybe it’s the singing or maybe the fact that the song has her name in it, but by the time you reach the halfway point in the song Valerie’s crying slowly starts to fade. You instantly share a look with Harry, but don’t stop, fearing that she might start again if the music stops. 

Her tear soaked cheeks smooth out as she is not screaming anymore and you can actually see her irises finally, her long lashes are sticking together from the salty tears and you know it’s gonna take some time for her to regain her normal state, but at least the crying has stopped. 

“‘Cause since I’ve come on home, well, my body’s been a mess. And I’ve missed your ginger hair and the way you like to dress…”

You tear your eyes off Valerie for a second, letting yourself wander over Harry’s features as he sings. He slightly furrows his eyebrows focusing on the lines, so his forehead has a few creases on it. His lips form the words so clearly and elegantly, you wonder how often he sings. Is it something he only does when he is on his own or he likes to perform as well? 

The only time when you heard him sing was at the bar when the two of you slayed the karaoke machine with that Avril Lavigne song. You were smashed by then, you remember that he had a nice voice but it was the last thing you paid attention to. Besides, he was kind of equally drunk as you, it was all for just fun, but now is a completely different situation. 

It’s no surprise Valerie finds his voice soothing, you’d probably stop whatever you were doing if you heard him sing. There are people with a good voice and then there are the ones that not just have a good voice but also that small something, that extra magic in them that makes you melt as their voice caress your ears. Harry is definitely the second case, for a moment you forget where you are or why he is there singing. It’s just his voice and the gentle strumming of your fingers on the chords. 

At the end of the song he starts repeating Valerie as the song slowly fades into nothing and you both stare at the little girl in his arms, clearly afraid she might start crying again. Unfortunately, your reservations become valid when you see the corners of her mouth curls down and you and Harry share a shocked look immediately.

“What else can you play?” he urges as Val whimpers in his arms, letting you know she does not appreciate that the singing has stopped. 

“Shit, shit! Um, something from ABBA?” you propose and Harry nods quickly, not even asking which song you know, so you take it as a sign that he probably knows all of them.

The first song that comes to your mind is Andante, Andante and you don’t hesitate to start playing again, just in time. Valerie was just about to start crying again, but as soon as the melody hit her little ears she calmed down and listened to it with tired looking eyes.

“Take it easy with me, please. Touch me gently like a summer evening breeze…” Harry sings the words and you can’t hold a smile back as he, once again, hits the notes just perfectly without missing a beat.

You’re convinced there’s not one person on Earth who has never heard a single Abba song, most of the population knows them by heart, but somehow you couldn’t really imagine Harry to be a person who knows the lyrics to the songs as well. But he does and sings it without messing it up even just once. It’s hard to imagine a younger version of Harry singing ABBA songs when they come on the radio, but the more you think about it the more the picture paints itself in your mind.

Valerie lays her head to Harry’s chest, stuffing her thumb into her mouth as she listens to the performance. She is probably enjoying the vibrance of his voice shaking through his chest and maybe this is what brings her the peace she’s been looking for all this time. Your heart skips a beat at the sight of them.

Harry glances at you, eyes so soft you melt under his gaze. However nerve wrecking it was to have Valerie scream for hours, she is still the cutest little thing ever as she rests her head on his chest, her long blinks giving it away she has definitely lost most of her energy. 

You don’t dare to stop the singing and playing. When you near the end of a song you quickly think of something else and whisper it over to Harry, who then gives his feedback on it with either a nod or a shake of his head. Most of the time he knows the songs you suggest so the show continues without a stop. 

Half an hour passes by when you see her eyes slowly closing. You still don’t stop though, only when Harry tries to listen to her breathing and he realizes that it was completely slowed down. She is out.

“Holy shit,” you breathe out quietly, your fingers feeling numb from the playing. You haven’t had a guitar in your hands for this long in a while, probably for years. Harry shares your relief, his throat has completely dried out and he is happy to finally breathe evenly, not just sneak a few breaths in between lines. 

“And now what?” he mouths as he is still gently swaying around with the sleeping Valerie in his arms. You put the guitar aside and check if she is for real asleep. Her long lashes are spread out on her puffy cheeks, gently snoozing into Harry’s chest as if she weren’t screaming for dear life just an hour ago. 

“Let’s put her down,” you whisper and nod at him to follow you. 

Reaching your bedroom you only switch your bedside lamp on so the light doesn’t wake her up. Pushing the stuffed animals to the side you grab the blankets and let Harry do the critical job. Leaning down he oh so slowly starts to pull her away from his chest, careful not to move too suddenly, it all feels like in those action movies when they are trying to get through the lasers without triggering the alarm. One bad move and the screaming threatens to start again and that’s the last thing you want, after all you’ve done to calm her down. 

You don’t even realize it but as you watch her little head reach the mattress you hold your breath, almost wincing upon seeing Harry’s hands slide out from under her sleeping frame. As if you wait for something to go wrong, both of you freeze for a moment, expecting her to start moving around and wake up, but she stays still. 

Eyes snapping up to Harry, you exchange a look and then you both head to the door, careful not to make any noise that can possibly shake Valerie up from her dreams.

“This was more tiring than running a marathon,” he huffs, throwing himself to the couch and you do the same next to him. 

“Have you ever run a marathon?”

“No,” he confidently answers and you look over at him with a puzzled look. “But I can imagine how tiring it is.”

You let out a chuckle, letting your eyes close for just a little bit. You haven’t even had the chance to realize how much this whole struggle with Val sucked the energy out of you, but now that you’re half lying on the couch it hits you all at once.

“I should get going,” you hear Harry mumble, clearly just as tired as you are, but he doesn’t move. 

“Mhm,” you hum, feeling yourself drift to sleep.

Neither of you moves and it doesn’t take a whole five minutes for the both of you to completely doze off.

The next time you wake up you feel an arm curled around your waist and someone is definitely pressed up against you while your back is against the back of the couch. It takes you a couple of moments and some blinking to realize it’s Harry you are all snuggled up to and the reason why you woke up is because Valerie is crying again. 

“Shit,” you mumble to yourself, mind still groggy from the sleep as you push yourself up on the couch. Just moments later Harry’s eyes flush open and you’re not sure it’s because of the crying or because you moved next to him. His arm slides off you as he looks around a little confused about his surroundings.

You don’t have the chance to think about how the two of you ended up cuddling on the couch, though it lingers in the back of your mind. Basically crawling over Harry you rush into your bedroom where Valerie is lying in her bed crying. It’s a different kind of cry, not like the one you were stuck with for hours before and you know she must be hungry.

“Ah, come on, little girl. It’s alright,” you coo at her scooping her into your arms. She immediately cuddles to your chest hiccupping against it, her little hands fisting your shirt. You leave to go to the kitchen and feed her, but just as you’re about to step out of the room you bump into Harry.

You bounce back from his chest, but his hand immediately reaches for you and grabs your arm, holding you in case you might fall back.

“Sorry,” you breathe out, thoughts still foggy a little. “She’s… hungry,” you explain, but he is standing so close to you, you can feel his body’s warmth and it instantly ignites the memory of being pressed against his side on the couch just moments ago and you can’t stop yourself from inhaling a shaky breath. 

“Let me help,” he croaks out and the two of you walk into the kitchen. Putting on her bib you hand her over to Harry who sits with her on his lap on a stoop as you get the baby food, warm it a little before joining the two of them and you slowly start feeding her.

“What time is it?” you ask realizing you have no idea how long you two have been asleep on the couch.

“It’s three am,” Harry answers before smiling down at Val. “Good job, Val!” he hums watching her take the spoon into her mouth.

You finish up feeding her, then give a try at burping her even though Rosa said it’s not necessary anymore. She just hums to herself so you head back to the bedroom, her eyes already threatening to close. By the time you put her back to the bed she is out again, so no private show is needed this time.

Walking out of the room you see Harry putting on his shoes and coat. For a split second you feel disappointed that he is leaving, but then your rational side puts you to your place. Of course he is leaving! Val is fine now, there’s no other reason for him to stay, right?

“Harry,” you softly say and he looks at you. “Can you please not tell Rosa and Steven that I needed help with Val?” you quietly ask, though there’s no doubt your eyes are practically begging him.

“No way I’ll ever admit to Steven that I sang ABBA to his child, so don’t worry about it,” he chuckles making you smile as well. 

“Thank you. And for helping me as well. I was really close to giving it up,” you admit folding your arms on your chest as Harry stands at the front door, hand on the door knob as he is looking back at you.

“No problem. Now you owe me one,” he smirks and you can’t hold yourself back from rolling your eyes.

“Sure,” you say with an airy chuckle. “Good night, Harry.”

“Good night, Y/N,” he smiles at you sweetly before opening the door and walking out. 

You take his place at the door and watch him walk down the eerily quiet hallway. He turns back to you one last time waving in your way and you nod back smiling before he disappears around the corner.

Closing the door you lean your back against it, taking a deep breath. Your eyes wander over to the couch where you and Harry were sleeping not so long ago. The feeling of his arm around you is still burned into your mind and you breathe in shakily as a memory snaps into your head of the exact same thing, only years earlier.

You lied almost exactly like that in his hotel room that night. His strong arms wrapped around you as you had your head laid on his chest, listening to his heartbeat that was slightly faster than the normal. Though you were still quite drunk, this feeling imprinted into your memories, because you felt so safe with him. Like nothing could ever hurt you if he was there with you.

Unfortunately, that feeling faded into nothing when you woke up in the morning quite fast. But this time, instead of disappointment and disgust, the only thing you still feel is the emptiness at the lack of his touch. 

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