#and that's a convo I've been anxious about having for YEARS now so it's just a v pleasant surprise that she took it so well

[polygondotcomvideoproducer]

being emotionally honest w ur loved ones is actually cathartic?? whadda hell

[city-tickles]

Two Tickle Sessions In One Day!

Hi!

It's been a while but I hope you are doing well. I am still on break from posting clips or requests but I wanted to let you know about my recent sessions.

A month ago I was in one of those bad tickle moods. One of those moods where it was all you could think about and the rush of getting tickled or tickling someone was intense. I don't get these moods often and usually when I do, I don't like it because the last couple of times that has happened, I've received bad news about someone I care about, so it also makes me a little anxious when I get that way. Thankfully, it did not happen this time.

I needed to get the mood out but there was no one in the area to session with. Since no one was available, I decided to check out two parties that I have not been to in years. One M/M party and one Female Foot Party.

When it comes to M/M, I am 100% lee and it is something that does not give me much if any arousal. It's just tickling, and I can appreciate it. I'm sure I'd appreciate it more if it could "get me there" but I've seen enough clips and done sessions, and it usually doesn't. I also rarely do M/M because I have to be in a mood for it. This time, I was in a big mood for it, so I decided to go.

I've spoken about the M/M party in the past. Last time I went about 8 years ago, I just wasn't comfortable or ready to be there and it seemed like the owner took umbrage with that when I tried to leave. I figured a lot of time has passed and I have gained more experience, so hopefully things would be fine. I explain why I wanted to go to the party, and I was allowed to go.

I entered the party, and as a cis-identifying male, it's a little overwhelming at first. Action (Everyone is clothed) is everywhere right in front of you, but everyone is also very nice and doing their thing. I like to give people space, but there was no space to go, so I was just watching everything go down lol.

While waiting, I was introduced to a guy, who had grey hair and , who was also into tickling and we began talking. At first, the convo was small talk, but then we realized we knew each other from a previous meeting, which made things easier. After some talking, he asked what I was here for and when it comes to males, I am strictly a lee, so I told him I wanted to be tickled. Luckily, a massage table opened up and was cleaned off and ready to be used. We asked the table owner, who was a tall, slender man with grey hair and facial hair, if we could use it. Lucky or not lucky for me, we were allowed but the table owner was also into tickling. They asked me if he could join in and I figured why not?

I laid on the table and decided not to be bound because sometimes I stay still anyway. And before I know it, I have two lers all over me, testing out my spots and trying to find where I am most ticklish. They would glide their fingers all over my sides, under my arms, my tummy, my thighs and of course, my feet while I laughed and didn't move around too much. It was extra sensitive because 1. With the massage chair, I'm mostly looking upwards and can only see the ceiling. And 2. I'm getting teasing from all angles! The two very skilled lers keep saying things like, "Oh, he's real ticklish!" "I think he likes it!" While others at the party are watching and saying things like, "I think he doesn't want it to stop" and "He's having a lot of fun now"

With two lers on me, I never had time to have one spot make me off the wall ticklish because it was always changing. Sometimes it was their fingers lightly tickling my stomach that was the most intense. Other times, it was harder touches on my feet by one of the lers. Sometimes it was an attack under my arms. There were a lot of different moments during the 20-30 minutes of tickling that just kept making me laugh hysterically. I do know at one point, a hairbrush was used because I felt it and that always felt more surprising than ticklish. The other interesting part about having two lers on your feet were both styles were different. One was lighter and the other was harder, but both were effective!

(I couldn't find a MM/M gif)

After my time was done, I thanked them for the session and decided to wrap up since the party was coming to an end anyway. It was time to go to the next party.

This party, which I also had low hopes for, runs all the time in NYC and it is pay-to-play. I was that down bad, that I was willing to do it this evening lol. I went in with very low expectations and the reminder that if the first few moments are bad, I can just leave.

When I got there, it took forever for them to let me in, which already set my expectations to low. Despite this, I walked in and heard laughter already. Someone was getting tickled under the sheets, so I knew I wasn't the only tickler in the area. The girls that I saw in there were nice and chill to talk to for the most part. Some were more personable, while others just wanted to make their money, which I am not upset about. They're not there to be my friend.

The first lee was a tiny girl with red hair, and was ticklish but not that reactionary. I don't think she was ticklish on her feet at all, but I would always ask if it's okay to tickle elsewhere. Thankfully it was, and her upperbody, especially her arms, were her weakspot. She did not seem into it in the slightest, so I tried not to overdo it.

The second lee was this tall, black girl, with long hair and very nice to talk to. She wasn't sure how ticklish she could be, so I would tested some of her spots. Her feet were tolerable, her knees were very sensitive, and under her arms, she was almost unable to do!

I brought some tools that I didn't bring out at the M/M party (my bag at that party was all the way on the other side I just didn't want to bother with it) I ran an ostrich feather up and down her soles and her legs, which felt more relaxing to her. Then, I brought out TicklingDuck's device vibrating device.

As the device touched her soles, she would laugh hard, squirm around, cover her mouth, and was genuinely shocked at something being so ticklish on her. I asked if I could use the device on her knees and she went "Oh no!" and let me do it anyway, which I didn't do for long because she couldn't handle it.

The third lee was another redhead, who was also a nice person to talk to and wearing boots and long socks. I tickled her through the socks first, which made her giggle a bit, before taking them off and scribbling on her toes and soles so more. Her feet were also moderately ticklish, so I asked if I could tickle other parts of her body. Her weakspot was the ribcage and made any other spot look like a 1 compared to them! I spent most of my time on her feet since the ribcage was so intense, but we did play a few games. I would tell her if she could let me tickle there for 10 seconds, she would get a reward, which would be a foot massage or other foot worship. She agreed and barely opened up her arms until I scribbled in there and teased her further, saying "You gotta let me get in there or I'm gonna increase the time" She opened up her ribs and it was the longest 10 seconds of her life. Afterwards, I would congratulate her for making it through and doing such a good job.

After we were finished, I was ready to go since I had an obligation to get to later in the evening, but another taller woman approached me and asked me if I like tickling. She mentioned that she liked tickling to and wanted to know if I wanted to session. I was skeptical at first, because it felt like a money-grab, but I figured I'm already here so why not?

Best decision I made at that party. I started by spider tickling all the way up from her feet to legs, to her sides, across her tummy, back to her ribs, and of course under her arms. This woman was genuinely ticklish everywhere and was a lot of fun to play with. I would caress her thighs and tease like I'm about to tickle there, only to sneak attack and tickle her tummy. I brought out the TicklingDuck device again and we played another counting game to see how long she could last without moving, and I made sure to count the longest 30 seconds I could, running my fingers all across her tummy and under hear arms while she laughed her head off underneath the covers. The last thing I did to her, was bring out the pair of stocks that just arrived. I was itching to try them on someone and she was so excited to see stocks. We locked her bare feet and the stocks and I ran my fingers all across her soles and under her toes, while she was unable to get away or pull them out. While these sessions lasted 10 minutes, this one was definitely longer and we both knew it. After she was done, she complimented my ler skills, saying most male lers are rough, but I was very gentle with her, but also devastating, which I took as a big compliment.

Before I left, I had one request for her. I had a hard time locking the stocks on myself at my home, but when I did, they were not very comfortable. I asked if she could test the stocks out on me to see how good they were. She obliged and got my feet in the stocks. Once I was locked in, she began running her nails across my soles, which was one of the more intense tickles I got all night! I laughed hard and and was unable to do anything else, my feet were trapped and that definitely made the tickling worse! She would tease me and say things like "Aww! Is someone ticklish?" And "Now who's ticklish" until I had to stop her because I really had to get going. I thanked her for the fun time and planned to come back in the future.

Overall, it was a great day of tickles and satisfied my ler and lee moods!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I(26nb) stopped answering my ex (27nb) or asked them to stop messaging me?

They aren't asking to get back together. A while back, my partner dumped me bc we just weren't talking as much, were into different things, and drifted apart. Normal stuff people break up over all the time. They told me there was no hard feelings on their end, and I was the same. It was kind of a bummer but the fact that I wasn't especially upset was evidence the relationship was dead at that point.

At the time, my New Ex™️ asked if I needed space or if it would be okay to check in on me from time to time and make sure I was okay because, even though I said I was fine, they were worried about the effect this would have on my mental health. I'm clinically depressed and they were aware things had gotten pretty drastic years before we even met, but the entire time we knew each other I was stable, and even when I was low I wasn't a danger to myself. I have meds and a good therapist and a lot of practice with coping strategies, I'm good to go, I got a handle on myself before we met and I still have a handle on myself now. Obviously mental health isn't a guaranteed thing and just because I'm currently okay doesn't mean I always will be, but I have the tools to handle it when needed.

All this to say, when they asked if they could check up on my mental health, I was a little taken aback, wondering if they thought this would drive me to something extreme and if so why would they think that. I assured them that I was fine, totally stable and doing well and they had nothing to worry about, but I'd like to stay friends so sure, message me whenever you want.

I figured they'd check in on me in the immediate aftermath, which they did, but I thought that once that aftermath had passed they would go back to messaging me more conversationally, if at all. But since then, they keep doing "check in's" every few weeks to make sure I'm okay. This is not something they did when we were dating. I've been playing along because I'm the one who said it was okay, but I'm starting to feel a little bit weird about it?

Maybe I'm being too sensitive but it rubs me the wrong way that they only message me to do these check-ins, as if they think I'm going to fly off the deep end because we broke up. As if messaging me isn't having a convo with a friend but is instead some sort of wellness check they're obligated to perform. Like I said, I was taken aback to begin with by the implications of this, but now that they're still treating me like that months later, it's kind of pissing me off.

They literally just say "checking in" and nothing else, and they don't seem keen to converse otherwise. It gives me wellness check vibes which bothers me because I'm not in crisis, I've never been in crisis while they've known me, and them dumping me certainly didn't change that. I cannot emphasize enough that even when I was deep in depressive lows while we dated, it was never their job to do this sort of thing and they only started doing it after we broke up. It feels like they think I'm too weak or too unstable to actually be okay without them, even though I've repeatedly said that I'm currently thriving and to my knowledge there's no reason for them to think I'm currently a danger to myself.

Part of me wants to just start ignoring the messages but I'm worried that if this person thinks I'm so at-risk they need to keep checking on me months and months after dumping me, they might assume the worst if I just stop answering. The rest of me wants to just ask them to knock it off, but in that case I'm worried I'll come off as defensive and unreasonable, like I'm being offended over someone caring about my wellbeing, or that my frustration with this behaviour will make it come off harsher than I want it to. I don’t want to attack them for being worried about me, even if I find the degree of worry a bit insulting at this point.

My ex does not have an anxiety disorder and is not an anxious person at all. I have never threatened to do anything to myself in the time they've known me, and my reaction to the breakup was very calm and casual. I don’t know why they're acting like this, but it feels... I dunno, infantilizing? Condescending? I don’t know how exactly to describe it other than that it kind of feels like a slap in the face after the years and years of work I put into getting to this point with my mental health, none of which I needed them or even knew them for.

Would I be the asshole if I asked them to stop and was honest about why? Should I just ask them to stop and not elaborate? But then, if they ask, I don't want to lie, but maybe this is a situation where honesty isn't the best policy? Should I keep my mouth shut because they aren't actually doing anything wrong and I'm the one who said I fine with them checking on me? I was fine with it in the short-term, if a bit confused, but I never imagined it would still be going on months later.

What are these acronyms?

[libra-stellium]

Venus Transits I tracked!

Descriptions from Planets in Transit - Robert Hand

Venus opposite Moon (Apr 17 - Apr 21)

Any problems under this transit are likely to come from doing something to excess

Did I drink a whole bottle of wine on 4/20? yes. Was I feeling it the next day? yes lol Do I regret it? nope! I was trying to have a great night in and that's exactly what I had!

This transit arouses your affections and makes you willing to give and receive love, relationships with women are meaningful

I made this really good pasta with mussels and I invite my aunt to have dinner with me which is simple but I don't usually do that lol

The rest of this transit description was talking about problems in romantic relationships but I'm single soooo N/A

Venus opposite Mercury (Apr 18 - Apr 22)

Favorable time for communication about love and relationships

If you watch 911 you know how it's been this month lol but I've been enjoying watching people watch the show for the first time! Idk which day exactly but it had me thinking about how I used to write fics when I was younger and make fan videos of shows lol such a fun time! Then I had a convo with my bestie about her love live bc she's a late bloomer and naturally is scared of everything lmao

The mercurial side of your personality does not take emotional matters seriously

I forgot to pay attention to this lmfao but I know I was a joker this entire time! lmao I tried to cut back but everything was just toooo funny!!

Be careful what you say about friends and loved ones under this transit , someone may take it seriously

I made a separate entry about the last time this transit happened for me in 2021 so this time around I was very intentional to not talk about anybody lmao about to make myself a shirt like "My friends and I survived my Venus Opposite Mercury transit <3"

One of the most unemotional of all Venus transits

I don't know lol is laughter not an emotion? I was intrigued by this when I wrote it but maybe I would have experienced this if I didn't know it was happening? Or maybe it was something small like me laughing during the serious situation in a show bc the drama was just toooo much I had to laugh lmao

Venus trine MC (Apr 18 - Apr 22)

Good time for any kind of creative activity/getting involved in the arts

I randomly started cooking this pasta with mussels and I've never made it before and it came out so good!!

Excellent time to redecorate your home and make your personal surroundings more attractive, you are much more sensitive to the aesthetic nature of your surroundings

I did do my dishes and clean my kitchen!

Time when you feel very affectionate and have a great need to express your affection, you are pleasant to be around, others can sense how you feel about them which makes them feel good

I didn't really feel thisss? I'm usually pleasant to be around anyway lol but I did text a couple more friends during this time and we were laughing a lot

Transit makes you feel peaceful and anxious to avoid conflict

Bro this bc after my job messed up my pay last week they asked me to update my timesheet again and I was on that email and had it fixed in 2 minutes lmao just for my supervisor to be like oh she doesn't see it on her end like girl....i texted her pictures of my screen like it's there! Don't stress me out!

Venus square Neptune (Apr 21 - Apr 25)

Transit stimulates your romantic imagination making you somewhat unrealistic

As a libra with a pisces rising this was just another regular day lmao but I was more in my synchronicity bag because on 4/25 I started reading this book that I stopped reading last year on May 19 bc I left it in my friend's car for months and I was reading something else by the time I got it back buttttt the back of the page I stopped on the main character was talking about how the only place she had visited in Europe was Amsterdam and i was like ohmygod??? What are the odds that i was so close to reading that last year and it's now almost a year later and I travel to Amsterdam ON MAY 19???

Daydreaming and creativity are high

Idk if that counts but I stitched a tiktok on 4/23 and it's still getting engagement and it's at 50k+ views rn on 4/28 and like 7k+ likes lolll

Venus square Uranus (Apr 24 - Apr 28)

You seek excitement and stimulation through love relationships

single as a pringle lol

Tendency to flirt under this influence, don't make anything more out of an encounter than what it really is

I didn't go anywhere bc work had me working for real during this time and now it's the weekend and I have my period but one of my friends posted a story about how her outfit made her look like a teacher and I commented "What's 5x5? Twenty Fine!!" lmfaoo the corniest pick up line and I still think I was so funny for saying that lol

You are likely to be impulsive with money

yeah Sweetgreen has had me in a chokehold ngl lol every year I go through a phase where I get obsessed with a salad from there! $18 is absolutely wild but so so good! Just writing this makes me want to order again omg

[lunicho]

Saw this on another blog and wanted to send it to you too ☺️

Pick any 5 moots and describe them using 3 words! <3

ooh this is so cute, i love when ppl ask me to talk abt my moots cuz i love bragging about them!! the hard part is picking 5 moots to do this with hmm

@adoresol - passionate, honest, and devoted. i have actually been good friends with her for a good like four years now i think omg so there's many words to describe her but i think these are the best ones for now. she feels deeply and is very genuine in her emotions which is something i admire about her. she's also extremely honest, i love this about her because if i ask her something she'll be straight up with me. she's also very devoted bc like why is she still my friend LMAOOO she's so loyal and just like!?!?!?!?!?!??! my pookie wookie bear fr, i've told her so much cheesy corny shit abt how i feel abt our friendship so i'll spare y'all

@kissohee - its so hard to describe her with just three words! but i would say chaotic, lovable, and genuine. i never feel stress when talking to her and we've grown comfortable with one another quite quickly. i think we just have had this connection from the beginning and she just made me so so comfortable. she's also so loveable like im gonna hold her hand fr she's so cute. and she's so genuine, i always feel that she means everything that she says and it makes me even more comfy with her. she's also just like me we're both so random and we both talk a lot so its the perfect pace for me. the convos are always so fast like idk if ppl would be able to keep up with us and how much we switch topics LMAO but yeah! i hope that we just get closer and closer in the future and that she's always happy <3 (also open-minded would be a rlly good one for her but only her and i know why and that's the way its gonna stay LMAO)

@sminiac - saiii!!! i never include her in my moots posts so i wanted to this time :3! i'm gonna say kind, inviting, and adorable. she's literally so so kind, everytime i send smth or interact with her she's like "my dearest bunny!" AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY SO SO HAPPY!! she's always so sweet to me and like idk smth abt her is just so adorable. plus her blog rn is so adorable i love the layout. i do still get anxious to send too much stuff and things like that but ur so so welcoming and inviting that ik im always welcome but im scared to be annoying LMAOGDJ. i hope we can yap more and more abt 8turn tgt and just chat some more!!

@bubblegyu00 - energetic, humorous, and chatty,, our convos are extremely fast paced and go on for the entire day. i'm always laughing at smth or we're always losing it over smth someone did (usually a zb1 member or nicho tbh). she's energetic and keeps up with my pace and i do the same with hers. she also makes me laugh which is why i said she's humorous. we're always going on and on abt the same 3 things yet we never get tired of it like its gonna eat every single time PLS. BUT YEAH she's super fun, her nonnie to friend storyline is very very iconic and i love that for her. can't wait to keep screaming about kyungmin over and over <33

@xhdream - we've started to talk in the dms now and dinna's such a sweet girlie :(. i would describe her as easy-going, charming, and friendly. dinna's sooo so cute and always so sweet to me and she has been since the beginning. talking to her has been so fun so far cuz she's very approachable and she engages in the conversation so so much. our time difference is very big so we have to catch each other at a specific time but it's worth it everytime. there's just something about her that's so fun and so kind and that's why i said she's charming. her and her blog just have this good and sweet energy that i really really enjoy <3

[sillyname30]

I just listened to the latest episode of and that's what you really missed on Glee. Now I know why Jenna was so positive about the Warblers for the first time ever in the Dynamic Duets recap. They had Curt Mega as a guest.

Curt met Starkid through Darren. Curt: First convo I ever had with Darren was like him being 'oh dude, I'm working on songs for this show and they're mad because I haven't finished everything.' He was the one who introduced me to all of them. It's become my creative family in LA.

How did it all start out for you? Curt: I don't know if you guys remember this at all, but they did a MySpace contest. Months went by and I got a call out of the blue one day.

Curt auditioned for Sam who was supposed to become Kurt's boyfriend at the time. Curt: Then fast forward a few months later I think I also taped for Blaine, didn't get it. And then in November I got a call and they're like they want see you today. I went and read for whatever Warlber and then the next week there I was on set. When I first booked it, it was a one episode one line co-star. And that somehow turned into 16 episodes. I got to sing and became a guest star and got to go on tour with you guys which is the coolest thing I've ever done.

Everytime I did an episode it was just that episode. It kept us sort of grateful and just like 'oh my God, we're back' and it never felt like there was an expectation.

Jenna: Then only recently with rewatch have we been 'oh, wow, they were awesome'.

Curt: And I always appreciated it was Darren every chance he got, he would go out of his way to talk us up to people. That really meant a lot to me, because that's an intimidating set to walk on.

It's like a lot of shit that has to get done in a very short period of time. So have somebody there to kind of just be that voice for us. It's a gift that I'll never be not grateful for.

Kevin: He really did feel like the leader on set and on screen of the Warblers. He was like the dad. He took care of. It's just good energy all the time.

Jenna: He was acutally genuinely happy to be there. Sometimes it was so annoying because you're like shut up. Like you're too happy right now.

When the Glee tour was in Chicago everybody was going to some night club. Curt: Darren texted the Warblers and was like ditch that party and come meet my Starkid friends. And that's where I met literally all the people that I now see every single day of my life and work with creatively.

Curt: What's so funny about the Starkid thing is we (Warblers) got invited to some fan conventions, but the conventions were Harry Potter themed. Which makes no sense aside from Darren.

One convention Evanna Lynch was there and Curt changed the lyrics of What Makes you Beautiful to What Makes You Magical. They got invited back year after year. Starkid was also there and they started hanging out.

What is the feeling Glee leaves you with? Curt: I really don't mean this to sound cheesy, but I really would say gratitude, because when I think about it sometimes I have these feelings of like, oh God, could I have done more to impress certain people to get a bigger role whatever, and then all that goes away when I go hold on, I got to do this incredible thing, and I got to meet all these people that I'm now still getting to make stuff with and often making this stuff with now that I'm the most proud of. And so I think that the biggest takeaway I have is like gratitude. I think at the time it was in the middle of it, I felt a little anxious of like, am I doing enough? And now I'm just like that was awesome. Yeah, wow, I can't believe I did that. So I'd say gratitude because it really did change my life and continues to in many ways.

[meraki-yao]

So, this fandom we're in is kinda on the smaller side, not like Heartstopper, which is a whole different level of drama. But you know, each bit of drama we get here stays kinda contained; it doesn't really blow up and go all mainstream.

What I've noticed is most of the fans are way younger than the actors, and that makes their social media vibe totally different. Like, they expect Taylor and Nick to act the same way, thinking a follow or a like means something major. But, I'm a bit older than Nick, and we're from the same generation. We didn't overshare like they do, but now fans expect him to be all out there. He's not 22 anymore. And the mental health convo around him it's another topic I feel most fans didn't really understand. Yeah, he's open about it, but the way he deals with anxiety or depression now is not the same as everyone else. Feels like they're kinda babying him a bit. Case in point, the GQ event he left early. He did look a bit nervous, but trying to ease their minds with an explanation of why he left early (because "he was anxious") didn't sit right with me. Because it's a possibility, but we don't know how he actually feels. Like, he might've been in a rush, or it was a last-minute attendance thing because he has commitments with Fendi, and he just left. Like, he's not really an open book, even if he's easy to read. So trying to use his own mental health felt wrong in that situation.

Honestly, it's pretty simple—they've changed. They're keeping things more private, maybe it's got something to do with management, but I don't think it's a rebrand. I'm with you on that one.

Both Taylor and Nick blew up, got people interested in them, and that's crazy overwhelming to see from the outside. Like, imagine people digging into your private life, asking you to spill all the tea, and giving explanations when you really don't have to. It's just exhausting. Case in point, some fans got "upset" (and I'm using quotes because it was mostly jokes, but their humor crosses a lot of lines) 'cause Nick has to promote other stuff and, if he doesn't attend events, he's letting them down. Some folks tried to tell them it's not on Nick, it's Amazon they should be mad at. But no, that group just shrugs that off. Just 'cause Nick's humor is dark, silly and sarcastic doesn't mean they can do the same in such an invasive way.

I follow a couple of girls on TW who've been following Nick for ages, and they say he usually takes these long breaks from social media, then drops a bunch of pics or covers. I think he's trying to find some balance.

Overall, most of the drama happens 'cause some people lack common sense, real-life experience, and there's this big age gap between the actors, the author, and the fandom. Just the way it is, I guess.

I'm not entirely sure about the comment on the age range because the mutual I interact with are pretty much well into their adulthood, but at least I belong to the category you mentioned: I'm about ten years younger than Nick lmao

But like overall, I agree with what you said. We're not them. We don't actually know them. And aside from the obvious ones like they will be upset to some degree if they see insults thrown at them, I'm starting to think it's problematic to presume we know what they think. I had this from another ask that said "I think people diminish what the boys are doing, and pit them against each other because neither is doing what they want." And I think that rings true.

Parasocial relationships are weird man.

[blackjack-15]

next ep next ep

syd alone in the bear, wearing white and blue. carmy anxious in his apartment, decked out in Mikey Blue...this is gonna be an interesting episode huh

ah. claire's here. joy of joys. i knew they slept/were sleeping together, and hey we didn't have to see it! i'm 2 for 2 on predictions and my dinner will stay in my stomach

"i'm sorry, I..." "never, ever apologize" girl you made him apologize about the fake number thing multiple times. you should not be saying that. absolutely nauseating

"i just want you to know that this is really nice." has carmy been watching classic films to try to find romantic lines?

and he's still waiting for the other shoe

there is a huge part of carmy -- prolly the biggest part of carmy -- that thinks if something is not awful and painful, that it's just waiting for the awful and painful part to come. and since this isn't for anyone but the viewer, he can't even enjoy it. i'm v much a fan of the fact that they're not even pretending that being in a relationship is a cure for what's wrong with a person, or their disordered thinking, or anything like that.

this is probably just the actress' delivery and my own distaste for her delivery, but the "you achieve level 2!! you've done it!!" sounds really sarcastic and bitchy. like she generally has kind of a bitchy delivery (and has weird dialogue like i've mentioned before), but like...don't talk to your quasi-boyfriend like he's a five-year old? this is a critical test that they've failed twice? i'm prolly nitpicking but this is my liveblog! i get to nitpick!

it's nice that no real story nor character stuff happens when claire's around. saves me time when i rewatch.

well this is nauseating. lads, if you're explaining part of your work and stop to be like "is this super boring" and the person kinda says yes? maybe just cut away next time. tell me they talked. give me the cliff's notes. tell the actress that her eyebrow on the viewer's right side is really bugging me in close up shots.

EBRA YOU'RE BACK

this is a talk a long time coming and i'm so happy with it. running the window is the perfect job for him and i think it'll make him happy. and he'll be back with the team!!

good, carmy's in a (green! one of syd's colors!) sweater, he and syd are finish each other's sentences, and they're on the same page. this is beautiful, i've been missing this. thank you.

seriously i'm not over that scene. it's so refreshing to have those two back communicating, and they're doing it so effortlessly. when it's the two of them alone talking, nothing immediately yelling at them, they're magical.

the pepto handoff was brilliant. the bear is a comedy

this convo with richie is great too. so nice to have carmy back among the crew. that's the magic of the show right there. everyone scattered to the four winds for training, and now everyone's coming back together

[icedmetaltea]

dude pmdd hit me seemingly MIDWAY THROUGH YESTERDAY ALL AT ONCE I want to fucking scream

I'm bloated and sore and getting mood swings and anxious as hell and depressed as fuck and acne-ridden... had a good long cry yesterday and it helped for a bit but today I'm equally fucked up

and going over each and every convo with the social worker and feeling like I messed up everything and she hates me and wishes I was dead... like I asked if we could do a remote session and she just replied with "sure"

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN does it mean you're incredibly disappointed with me

does it mean “wow kelsey we're going to have zero stuff to talk about so who cares which way we do it”

“cause how are you supposed to get exposure therapy if you're not getting out to the car w/ me idiot”

(texted her again to see if we can just reschedule cause come on there's nothing to talk about till we get replies from the disability lawyer and the paperwork we need for the tuition forgiveness thing and I can actually go outside bc rn I'm an anxious wreck who'd throw up if I even looked at a car)

and I forgot my mom's birthday yesterday on top of everything else, my dad had to text me a little reminder and that was AFTER I sent her a bunch of panicked messages about project 2025 (which thankfully she didn't see and I deleted before she could, but damn, I feel like every time I try to talk about politics with her the world punishes me for it) and I sent her an ecard but it was already like 8pm at that point and though she thanked me I feel like she was disappointed for me to forget- plus I obvs couldn't get her any birthday gift bc I'm broke as fuck

and on top of everything else last night it got really really bad (the birthday thing was the icing on the cake) and I ended up getting the stupid urge to cut again. i was able to control it enough to reach for my bag of rubber bands and use one, it's been like half a year since I've done that and now I feel disappointed in myself, but I couldn't take it anymore and honestly I'll probably do it again today

I'm a disappointment to everyone. To the social worker. To mom and dad. To my sister. To my friends. To everyone. And everyone would be happy if I was gone

and sure I'm sure this is just hormones talking bc last week I had interests, I was smiling, I was watching stupid meme vids and not wanting to blow my brains out but since yesterday it's all I've been able to think about, how fucked the world is, how we're gonna go into a civil and/or revolutionary war and climate change is fucked so I might as well go before I have to suffer too much right?? But then I feel like I should suffer because I deserve to. I'm so pathetic.

Now all my interests are gone. I can't smile. I have no appetite but I'm so goddamned hungry. Any progress I made on fixing my sleep schedule is gone cause I didn't fall asleep till 7am. I doubt I'll be able to go outside today. I doubt I'll be able to do anything today but be curled up in bed wanting to off myself.

I feel like everybody's sick of me and my emotions. What if they think I'm manipulating them?? Then I try to rationalize that like "wow you'd have to be pretty impressive if you somehow accidentally managed to manipulate everyone without even trying to and while being as bad at puzzles and logic games as you are" like I've been taught with therapy time and time again but of course that only works so well when danny's voice is echoing in my head.

The worst part is I never know if it's just PMDD making me feel this way or if it's just pulling away the blinds of distraction and making me see myself and the world for how it is

I'm so tired

[myfriendofmiseryyy]

Frankie's girl: a Frankie Morales x plus sized oc story.

MINORS DNI. PART ONE MENTONS OF PTSD.PAST ABUSE. PAST SMUT (she is Frankie's old best friend) war, insecurities. suggestive convos. drug abuse, Frankie deserving better

summery: Frankie has just returned from his 10 year deployment in Iraq, he left behind his old high school friend Daisy who he had always secretly liked, could he make it work with them?

Daisys pov

Daisy waits at the airport for Frankie and Santi, her two oldest friends, they have been gone on and off for around 10 years now in the delta force. they have been based all over the Middle East but most recently Iraq. Frankie has always been her best friend, they even hooked up in their early 20s, Frankie being the person to take her virginity when she was 21.

she is snapped out of her daydream by a tired looking Frankie and Santi coming through arrivals. "Frankie,santi!!" she calls out.

Frankie's pov:

He could tell that voice from anywhere,his Daisy,his oldest friend apart from Santi, his "hermosa" as he always called her a teenager.

he quickly walks though arrivals and finds her, he could spot her in a sea of a million people. she was always so beautiful. her chestnut brown hair which always had ringlocks, her curvaceous body which she always hated but Frankie found the most attrative thing ever, her smile that lit up any room she went into.

Frankies immediately wraps daisy In the biggest hug. "I've missed you so much" he says trying to hold back tears. "I've missed you too Frankie" she says sofly.

DAISYS r pov: as soon as Frankie comes into view it's like you are 15 again, he is still just as handsome as before, if not even more handsome. his angler nose and deep brown eyes are now joined by a slightly Aged face with a look of sadness, you always hated seeing Frankie sad but now you are just happy to see him alive and well. when he hugs you its like all the wieght and sadness of the past ten years had disappeared you had your Frankie back.

TWO WEEKS LATER.

DAISYS POV...

You are watching tv after a long day when there is a sudden knock on the door, “it’s 10pm who is knocking at my door at 10pm” you honestly feel anxious and your guard is completely up,the reality of being a woman in society. You look through the peephole to see a very sad and possibly drunk Frankie,you last saw him yesterday and he seemed very on edge but didn’t speak about it. You open the door and he nearly falls through it,he is most definitely drunk. “Hermosa” he slurs “Frankie,you’re freezing” it’s around 5 degrees outside and is out there in a tshirt. “Wtf” you hiss at him. “I’m sorry cariño,your place was the only place I thought of” “of course” you think to yourself.

“Stay here,I’ll go get you some clean clothes.” Frankie slumps down on the sofa and groans,he didn’t want you to see him like this. Weak,drunk,and sad. He is a shell of the man he once was,his brain constantly replaying the horrors that he been through the last 8 years. He puts his hands over his face and sighs.

“Here” you say softly, “bathroom is on the right”

Frankie stumbles to his feet and you help him to the bathroom where you wait outside for him,not fully trusting him alone. “You ok in there ciso?” You use the nickname you always called him as kids,you met in 7th grade and were best friends for 10 years and then Frankie wrote to you every single month. “Uh huh” Frankie says quietly. When he returns from the bathroom you’ve already got a blanket and pillow from your bedroom “I’ve got the sofa ok? You’ve got the bed,you need it” you softly say and smile at him. “Hermosa,you don’t have to give up your bed for me. I come into your house drunk and soaking wet and you give me clean clothes,medicine and then give up your own bed for me... I'm a junkie daisy the last two years ive been abusing coke" Frankie chokes back tears. “Look at me frankie,you have been my best friend since I was 12 years old,you always took care of me through everything. Now it’s my turn to take care of you ok,I can see how much you are struggling right now sweetheart, I know about the drugs, Santi told me its not your fault I am going to get you into rehab as soon as you feel strong enough until then ,just let me take care of you ok?” He pulls you into a hug,although he smells like cheap beer there is still an element of your Frankie,a musky smell that has always been Frankie. You rub his back softly and kiss his forehead. “We will talk tomorrow I promise” Frankie says sleeply”

“Get some sleep cariño” you say.

Frankie’s pov:

“I can’t do this anymore” Frankie thinks to himself after his forth beer he takes one big swig of water then stumbles outside to walk to her place. His mind is a minefield (quite literally) and his breathing is laboured. He stops for a moment to look at the mess he had become,the beer,the coke no wonder no one wants him. Its become a coping mechanism,the drugs the alcohol,now he’s back home,this isn’t training camp anymore this isn’t the trenches either,or a empty helicopter bay he can drown himself in coke in. He’s home,in his hometown. You’re here and he wants to make things right again…”like turning up at her house unannounced at 10pm high of my tits will help” he mutters to himself as he comes to your street. He meant to knock on your door quietly but he ends up being very heavy handed with it, and nearly falling through the door when you open it. he is soaking wet and freezing "mi hermosa" Frankie slurs, "wtf" you hiss at him as he stumbles into your house "I'm sorry carino your place was the only place I could think of." he can see right through you, he can see that you are confused and angry and he doesnt blame you, he would be too. "ill get you some clean clothes,you stay here ok" you say softly, Frankie slumps on to the sofa and puts his head in his hands, "I've really fucked up" he says to himself.

'here" you say handing him the soft warm clothes, "bathroom is on the right, ill be here if you need anything"

Frankie sleepily gets up and goes to the bathroom to put the fresh clothes on, the smell like you, the soft linen smell mixed with the faint smell of your perfume the you haven't had the heart to change since you were a teenager. Frankie inhales it as he puts the sweater over his head, he loves the fact your clothes are oversized on him, you were always so embarrassed as a teenager saying it should be the other way around but Frankie had none of it, he insisted that you were beautiful and shouldn't change for anyone. he is snapped out of his daydream by you shouting if he was ok, you used his nickname "Cisco" which gave him goosebumps, no one has ever called him that apart from you, he is either "catfish" or "Francisco" to everyone else

"uh huh" he says back quietly before opening the door to see you've made a make shift bed for him on the couch which he smiles at. "here, have some water and medicine, it shoukd make you sober up quicker. also you take the bed ill take the couch, you need it."

"hermosa you don't have to give up your own bed for me, I've turned up to your house unannounced and you give me clean clothes medicine and a bed? I don't deserve any of this, the last two years have been hell, I'm addicted to coke daisy, I don't deserve a friend like you"

" look Frankie you have been my best friend since I was 12, you've helped me through such tough times now its my turn to take care of you, I know about the coke, Santi told me. I am going to be there every single step of the way I promise, I will get you into rehab when you are ready but until then I'm taking care of you ok?

Frankie is overwhemed with emotion and the only thing he can do is pull you into the tightest hug. he feels you rub his back softly, he wants to break down there and then but he knows he cant. " we will talk tomorrow I promise" he says into your hair.

[purplesurveys]

1716

What TV shows are you watching at the moment? Nothing. I prefer vlogs these days.

Do you enjoy having deep, philosophical conversations? No they're my least favorite conversations to have haha. I'm not cut out for philosophy and I always zone out when a convo starts to steer towards that direction. Deep talks are fun, it's just philosophical ones I find boring.

Have you ever studied human anatomy? Kind of? We took up human body systems in grade school, but a couple of years ago I also had a phase where I got hooked to this anatomy channel on YouTube and watched many of their videos. I personally find biology and anatomy interesting so I'll learn it on my own sometimes.

Do you plan to do much or go anywhere tomorrow? I unfortunately do have work the whole day tomorrow, a Sunday. I have shoots to monitor at 10 AM and around 7 PM; I also have an event to help manage in the afternoon.

The thing is it'll be Yoongi's final final FINAL concert tomorrow so I imagine I'll have earphones on so I don't miss out. I'm just sad because I already planned to watch weeks in advance, and both those ^ work things came up super last-minute.

What was your favourite fairytale when you were growing up? Does the Barbie Rapunzel count as a fairytale? I watched that movie all the time.

Did you feel bored before you started this survey? No I'm actually extremely anxious right now so I've been needing to take surveys to distract myself and shake off the restlessness.

Have you applied for a job recently? I haven't.

Do you have vivid dreams? They can be, but I also forget them very easily. 

Would you have more word documents or images saved on your computer? Images. I mean there's Google Workspace, so that's reduced the need to download all my word documents and slides every time.

Have you ever experienced severe health anxiety? Nope.

Do you have a drink with you right now and if so, what is it? If not, what would you like to be drinking right now? I have a cup of coffee with me now, yes.

Are you home alone right now? Nope, my family's downstairs.

What do you use - haha, lmao, lol, rofl? Something else entirely? Haha, lol, lmao.

What noises can't you stand to hear? When the spoon or fork hits the plate at a certain angle and it makes this horrible grating sound. Also, doors being slammed.

What's your favourite pasta shape?  Fettuccine.

What state, territory or province do you live in? It's like one cartwheel away from Metro Manila, which is super convenient because I'm away from the traffic but can easily go to the city for whatever it is I need.

Would you rather be sleeping right now? Not really sleeping, but I'd rather not be actively worrying right now. It's like, I'm highly aware that I'm taking this survey as an escape and as a distraction, but I wish I was taking it just because. And knowing that I'm taking this as a distraction just makes me feel bad somehow.

Are you still in touch with anyone you went to high school with? Yes quite a number of people. I'm close with a few and remain social media friends with a lot.

Do you use the Notes app on your phone much? If so, what for? Yes, it's very reliable for work. If there's something I need to take note of or I get grabbed in an impromptu meeting, it gets the job done.

Who did you last have a deep conversation with? Jo.

Do you prefer floral or fruity scents? Fruity. Floral makes me dizzy.

What's your favourite non-dairy milk? Oat.

Do you have any tattoos? If so, tell me about one. I don't have any.

Where are your siblings right now? Downstairs.

Which sibling are you closest to, both physically (distance) and emotionally? My sister. 

Did you attend pre-school as a kid? Yes.

What's something you need to buy soon? New nipple covers.

Have you ever been evicted from your home? If so, did you think it was fair? I haven't.

If you could learn any language, what would it be? Korean.

Do you go to cemeteries regularly? Who do you visit? I don't. I do visit my grandpa once every few months, but he's in a columbarium.

[1mnobodywhoareyou]

oh i have so many thoughts on this and we've now maybe opened a can of worms 😅 (this is me actively joining the discussion not opening an argument, wanna make that tone thing clear cuz otherwise I'll be anxious about it for the rest of ever)

i think it's amazing when people can just exist as they are. with or without labels. umbrella labels or microlabels. it's incredible. i wish i could do that.

but i can't. for me, labels offer a few things: an entrypoint into community, a simpler way to communicate, explanations for things about me that i've struggled deeply to understand for my entire life and have been othered over. and they also make my category brain happy.

unfortunately it also means that i overthink the categories i'm considering for myself for YEARS. and how I'm perceived by the world at large. do i want cishets of the world to know that i'm a collector of 'a's? no. i don't really care. but do i want to find other 'a' collectors to build relationships and community with? yes. do i want other queer folks to know that i'm "one of them"? yeah. do i have the capacity to "look" any sort of way right now? no. does it fuel the impostery feelings? yeah. and yeah, that's for me (and the community at large) to work on. cuz queer doesn't HAVE a look. but that doesn't take away the feelings.

this is what i find so much easier about existing online. i can just plaster my 'a' collection to my figurative forehead. that important community building information is right there. (in addition to all the other really meaningful things about me that inform my relationships with people but that's a whole different convo for a whole different day).

my experience with gender is different. i'm not so much apathetic about it as very much NOT any of the things. with a preference for the pronouns I'm used to. and both versions (or any other) are valid. there are as many ways to be agender as there are agender people.

anyway. to return the rant to the original point 😅

i love love love the box analogy. you get to sit in the box that fits you. and if that box ceases to fit, you get to find a new box. or no box at all. and what you look like or how you're perceived doesn't inform which box you fit in. though it can affect your comfort in said box. and i think it's okay to think about and work through that. try things out. figure out what feels good.

idk if this actually wound up making any sense. but op. if you feel like the agender box fits? you get to sit in it. and the same is true for me too. and for prev re: cis and/or bi or and/or no box at all😉.

So, I have been thinking. I don't really care about my gender. Like i don't care if people call me she or he or they, or anything if I'm honest. I know I have an afab body so people will proceive me as female, but I don't really care if I'm honest.

And I've come to the realisation that I might be agender. But with that comes the question :

If I'm agender do I want to change anything about image to make me look different than the gender I'm presenting?

And the answer is no. So does this really mean I'm agender if I don't want to change the way my body looks??

[myrandom-fandomlife]

Hello! I'm the anon from the 4 part ask that you answered earlier! I saw your post about the different "eras" of DNF and I would like to share some of my opinions since I've been in the fandom since March of last year, so maybe I can write my own analysis and briefly explain what happened during these times (and hopefully someone will find enjoyment in reading this)!

So the first era was probably the most "baity" period where every interaction between Dream and George with slight romantic undertones was pure bait. From Dream placing romantic music in the background, to the small texts on screen that would read "arguing like a married couple" and even proclaiming his love to George any second he could, it was obvious that it was a means to garner a reaction and moments that could be used in compilations, edits, videos, etc. Dream addressed George just the same as he currently does Sapnap or Bad: Dude, Bro, etc, and when they weren't attempting to bait, for example on streams, things were chill, no tension, just two bros hanging out in minecraft.

LOVE OR HOST ERA. The catalyst in DNF's relationship, in my humble opinion. Now, where do I begin? So, LOH was definitely a time that I believe Dream became aware of his feelings towards George (platonic or romantic, I can't be sure) and his fear of losing him. Before/During George's LOH, we got Dream saying some interesting things, the most notable one "George is the only man I can see myself dating". Now, I'm pretty sure this was meant as bait, but how he reacted prior to LOH, was very telling. Dream would avoid George like the plague in every situation that didn't require them to interact. Twitter? Only one mention (and that was literally him tagging George in Andrea's post in spite). Stream? That I can remember he didn't join much during this time, nor did he stream that often. During MCC, the DT was separated in different teams, Sapnap & George together and Dream alone. Now Sapnap DID pop off. He was doing amazing. And Dream complimented him and his team quite a lot. But what about George? I believe he mentioned him ONCE. This was the first time we see Dream jealous in regards to George, and the lack of content and interactions between these two made many believe DNF was dead and abandon the ship all together.

QUACKITY AND KARL. Now there is a lot that happened in between LOH Arc and the friendship between the DT with Karl and Quackity. Dream and George seemed to have solved whatever occured between them, and things were tranquil. We got a few baity moments here and there, but we also started to get the start of the infamous "name-truthing", the soft voices and other subtle moments. Now, during this time George, Dream and Sapnap started developing their friendship with Quackity and Karl, George in particular started getting closer with them and spending LOTS of time with them, so much so that we got more G/K/Q content than we did DT content. And we get Jealous Dream 2.0., only difference from the other occurence of jealously? He addressed it publicly, admitted that he was frustrated and physically affected by the lack of attention from the british man. He confronted George while he was streaming, with an audience of 50k+ viewers. He was desperate.

Things were pretty calm after that, the more intimate and subtle moments between the two became more and more apparent and began to outweight the baity moments. Quackity/George/Karl continued to blossom their friendship, and DNF was slowly becoming a topic to tease George and Dream (I can only compare their teasing to that of middle schoolers when their friends had a crush). We can compare this teasing to that of Skephalo, the difference, while one is leaning on the more explicit side and used to make others laugh or get an over the top reaction, the other was used as an inside joke of sorts, only brought up to embarass or shut up Dream/George when they got over-confident (most times it would effectively leave them quiet, important to note, is that they never denied the claims nor attempted to).

TRAINS PODCAST. Oh boy, was this a night to remember. A historical mark for DNF. The point in history that George decided to become BOLD and actively flirt with Dream whenever he wanted to, rendering or poor Leo speechless most of the time. That podcast changed these men, it unlocked something within them and things have never been the same since. This is where we see the dynamic take a major switch, and baity moments had become almost non-existent, and instead we got probably some of the most tension filled convos between these himbos. Name-truthing had become something natural between them, the unavoidable excitement whenever they hear one another in call, suddenly ever call became a matter of how long until they were third-wheeling everyone. It's also during this time that we clearly see a difference in between Dream & Sapnap's relationship and Dream & George's relationship (not that one outweighed the other, but the nature of these relationships were very much opposing)

And finally we are in our current stance. Where the sweet, obnoxious moments continue to pile; More and more of their friends are calling them out (you can literally see Quackity and Karl becoming more direct and, quite honestly, aggressive with their call-outs. I bet they are just as tired as we are); The whole hoodie fiasco and the secretive pictures; Syncing sleep schedules once again; Tension continue to grow and you can see them testing the waters, in a game of tug of war until one of them caves in and starts the conversation.

As I said before, they have nothing to gain from the bait they are currently doing. They excuse it as being a joke, and hide behind this lie, as a means to test the development and seriousness of whatever they have going on. The whole Valentine's thing proves that they (unfortunately) do not understand when the other is being sincere or baity...

Also here is some food for thought. George has been very clingy with Dream ever since he and Sapnap moved in together. Not being able to see each other is certainly another factor that is affecting them.

I'm anxious to figure out what in the hell is happening next between our oblivious idiots with communication issues. It sometimes seems surreal the things that occur between them, and straight out of a fanfic.

Anyway, sorry for the long rant and if this wasn't very interesting to read! Just wanted to get some thoughts out of my head!! Stay safe and hope you have a good day/afternoon/night! ❤

Hi love! Glad to have you back <3

Firstly, don’t ever be sorry for ranting in my inbox, especially ab dnf. I love to see it!

Thank you for this, especially the early parts when I wasn’t in the fandom yet. Ahh this is super helpful.

I agree that George has gotten more clingy since Sapnap and Dream moved in together which is so funny because Dream and George have a more similar sleep schedule than Sapnap and Dream do LMAO

But yes all of this ugh I’m deeming you my genius anon

[aasfandoms]

Hiya, I feel like I've asked this before but I'll ask again. I'd like a bit of writing advice if that's alright with you? Just, how do you write thousands of words without making your story feel like it has too much going on or without making it super purple and wordy? Your fics always strike such a lovely balance between long and not overly detailed. I just struggle to write 1000 words without accidently writing the entire plot in one chapter, even if I try padding it out a bit, it's still too short for my taste.

This is tough to answer because honestly most of it comes with practice, which isn't always fun but is necessary. I find that I can strike a decent balance by including descriptions of the scene or items/people in it (but don't OVER describe, or describe every little thing; you want to mainly give the general vibe/description, the reader's brain will fill in details), what the characters thinks about those things, and their physical or emotional reaction to anything that sticks out.

It also helps to just... add things. Add a tiny thing that happens here and there, doesn't have to be plot relevant, just a little thing that the characters notices then moves past, or a small detail that just expands your length a little. Or something a little bigger that better reveals the characters personality or thoughts.

Here are maybe some examples that might help (featuring BkDK A/B/O);

Instead of saying something like;

"He went to the club right after work and hurried inside. After paying the entrance fee he slipped through a crowd to get to the main stage, where he waited eagerly."

Try expanding and adding some little things;

"After work Katsuki rushed home to change into something nicer than his plain civilian clothes. He chose a plain black shirt with a purple button-up over it and black pants. There was an attempt to do something with his hair, but it did not work. Oh well. He brushed his teeth, hastily wrapped his gifts, and hurried out the door. Maybe, just maybe, he sped a little too.

It was 5:45 by the time he got to the club. He left the gifts in the car and hurried inside. “Has Zuzu danced yet?” He asked the lady behind the counter who took his cash and marked his hand.

“No, but he’s up next.”

“Thanks,” he scurried inside.

It was busier than two nights ago, but that made sense. It was Friday. Every pervert in the city was rushing to the strip clubs to spend their evening getting trashed and watching sexy dancers.

Technically, he was now part of that demographic, but he chose to ignore that fact.

The bar was busy but he didn’t give two shits about getting a drink or snack anyway. Instead, he pushed his way through the crowd to get to the main stage. A pretty female Omega was finishing up her dance, so he stood back until she was done. No sense taking up space that a paying customer could occupy. Wouldn't be fair to her at all. Once her song ended and she strutted off, he pushed forward and planted himself firmly against the stage.

His heart was racing. All he could think about was seeing Izuku again."

So we've added a detour to the house to change and get ready. We added a short conversation with the lady behind the counter. We've added his thoughts/observations about the club. We added a dancing lady that created more realism and lengthened our word count.

Additionally, by mentioning the counter lady and dancing lady, we've reminded the reader that there are other people in this world that effect it (instead of hyper-focusing on our two main characters) and we've shown how our character reacted to them and thereby gave him a little more depth.

We can tell he's eager and worried about being late by the convo with the counter lady. He was polite to wait and allow the dancing lady to make more tips instead of being rude and taking a spot from someone else, showing that even though he'd very focused/eager right now he still considers others and reacts to them, rather than ignoring them.

We also didn't over-describe the club. We know it's busy, we know there's a bar, we know there's a stage. Granted, this particular bar was described a little more in a previous chapter, but the general vibe was the same; we don't need details or the layout, just the important bits.

Here is an example of showing emotion through actions, not words;

Rather than saying;

"He finally received a text back. He stopped punching the bag to check his phone. He was eager to see what it said."

Let's do this;

"The text went unanswered for a few hours. Katsuki nearly forgot about it, so lost in showing this free-standing bag who was boss. He punched it hard enough to knock it over, then used his foot to force it back up. Just as he went for another swing he heard his phone chime. He nearly tripped over his own feet hurrying over to it."

It's a little longer, has a bit more character, has a bit of humor, and we've displayed that he's so excited to receive that text that he nearly fell over to see it. I like to include small, almost silly details like that because it feels human and it tells us what kind of emotions that person is feeling without actually just stating the emotion.

Another thing I like to do is bleed the real world or certain actions with characters thoughts. Here's an example;

"Hideki was standing outside, but his attention was on the dancer. Katsuki probably could have slipped right in past him, but he opted to just lean against the wall nearby and wait. His erection had, thankfully, disappeared, and these few moments alone allowed him to ground himself a little more. Stop exuding horny pheromones, exude some neutral or pleasant ones instead, straighten his clothes, check his hair, make sure he didn’t actually have any droll on his face, look presentable goddamnit."

Katsuki is taking a moment to gather himself and make sure he looks okay and we can tell he's nervous about it by the last 3 words, in which his inner dialogue has bled into what was real-world description.

We can combine these two things as well! Example:

"His schedule was next. It was the same as usual. Patrol started at eight. Lunch from noon to one. Patrol done by five. Same shit different day-

His phone chimed and he nearly dropped his coffee in the scramble to get it out of his pocket.

“The heck? You okay?” Eijiro asked.

“Shut up,” came the venomless bite. A text. From Izuku. Exactly what he’d been hoping for. His heart hammered in his chest."

His inner thoughts were cut-off my real world events and he reacted in a mild panic. By using very short sentences we can also show that his thoughts are racing and he's anxious to see what the text says.

When it comes to writing there are a lot of little tricks you can use to both lengthen your work and make it more fun to read. These are the ones I use most. Hopefully, it was helpful, or at least readable. I'm always happy to expand on something too or offer critiques!

Don't beat yourself up about not being as good as you want to be right now either. Like I said, it takes practice. My writing style now is very different from ten years ago and significantly better, but I've written and LOT of fics since then, read a lot of fics since then, and taken in writing advice I've gotten from others. It takes time to improve but that's no reason to stress! Have fun with your writing, you created it from nothing!

[askjoshuafreeman]

transcript.file//jfreeman_codingb//convo

[Emergency Program Active]

AdminJF: Heya B-)

CodingB: ...? Allen? Where's Joshua?

AdminJF: He's still asleep, just snoozin away.

CodingB: Still a-... Isn't it... late? Why are you up.

AdminJF: Had a nightmare

AdminJF: Couldn't get back to sleep

AdminJF: Figured a lil chatting with ya could do me some good.

CodingB: ... With... me?

CodingB: Wait a moment...

CodingB: Communications are offline... I didn't think that was possible...

AdminJF: Yeaaa, boy like me's fulla tricks B-)

AdminJF: 'sides, don't think chattin with 'em would help out. They're... kinda chaotic.

CodingB: Unlike you, pizza box tearer?

AdminJF: Ey ey, I'm the FUN kinda chaotic! Those guys... eh... I know Josh trusts them. No surprise there. I mean, apart from you, they're the only peeps who MIGHT help him out... I'm still on the fence about them tho.

CodingB: I see.

CodingB: May I ask... what your nightmare was about? I do not know exactly how dreams work, but talking about what ever is making you upset tends to help.

AdminJF: Are you sure? It's... kinda dumb.

CodingB: I am all ears! And eyes! You have my full attention!

AdminJF: Right, well

AdminJF: where tf do I start...

AdminJF: I was... running in this like, industrial... plant of some kind? Like, running from something that I couldn't see? Like, that went on for a while, that I was just running and trying not to trip or crash into anything.

AdminJF: So at some point, I end up at this biiig chain link fence, like, the kind they put up in big facilities, I think. Anyways, I start climbing the thing, only to get pried off and thrown on my ass by, I guess whoever was chasing me??

AdminJF: But like, I look up at the guy, and I still can't really "see" him. Could say they looked like a shadow, but even that doesn't cover it really. That's around where I woke up and just. I dunno. Woke up about an hour ago and I've been too anxious to head back to sleep...

CodingB: ... I can't say I blame you exactly. An event like that, dream or not, would stress anyone, I'm certain. Until you've calmed down sufficiently, I don't think sleep will be possible...

AdminJF: Yeah, well, all the more reason to chat, right?

CodingB: I suppose so. Had you any topics in mind?

AdminJF: Oh Yea yea

AdminJF: ... No. I really don't.

CodingB: Ah. Then... could I ask you something?

AdminJF: Shoot.

CodingB: ... What is it like out there? Past the screen, I mean. Out in the sun. Out in the grass...

AdminJF: Ah shit... I'm really the wrong dude to ask but uh

AdminJF: It's... fine? No no uh... It... gives you something to do. Sun can get pretty hot down here but it's a helluva lot better than being cold in like, the snow and shit. Josh's been complaining that it's getting colder when... it hasn't? Like, I would know, I'm p sensitive to temperature shifts yo, but it's just been as hot as ever.

AdminJF: Uh, back on topic

AdminJF: Grass is... pretty soft, gives off a nice smell after it's cut. Uh... worms live in the dirt grass grows in...

CodingB: Oh, worms?

AdminJF: Yea, not like computer worms, but uh, little... long slimey things. They eat dirt and filter out the bad stuff so the ground stays healthy and all that.

AdminJF: Birds and lizards and fish like to eat them but I wouldn't recommend it.

CodingB:

CodingB: Allen, did you-

AdminJF: No!

AdminJF: Classmate back in primary did tho

AdminJF: Dared himself to cuz there was a bunch out after it rained and then uh

AdminJF: Y'know what, let's talk about something else.

CodingB:

CodingB: Well, um, do you think I'll ever get to see out there?

CodingB: Like, leave the device and go outside?

AdminJF: Knowing Joshua? Without a doubt. He's prob already working on the blueprints.

CodingB: ... Really?

AdminJF: Pfft, of course! You've met the guy! He's too kindhearted for his own good. J will stop at nothing to help others, even at his own detriment. I mean, case in point: He's friends with me.

CodingB: ... What's wrong with being friends with you?

AdminJF: Ha!

AdminJF: Ah...

AdminJF: Look, I... back when we first met, Josh saw this hungry, pale as death, angry and antisocial freak around his age and, instead of avoiding him like everyone else, sat down right next to him and offered half of his lunch.

AdminJF: I've been through 5 different fosters since he and I first met, CB. Five houses that all took me in and gave me the boot before I could even get comfortable. Within that time, the only other friends I've made apart from him are Clera and Tiff, and the only reason Tiff's our friend is because she and Cler started dating months ago.

AdminJF: I mean, hell, just yesterday, I

AdminJF: shit

CodingB: ?

AdminJF: ... Can you... keep a secret, CB?

CodingB: My lips are sealed, Allen. Is everything alright?

AdminJF: ... I... I lied to Josh, about me running off. About how my folks were mad and I needed to get away from the house for a bit.

AdminJF: The truth is that they... They kicked me out.

CodingB: They?? What!?

AdminJF: Yesterday past-noon, few hours after lunch, not-pops plopped my schoolbag on me, told me to shove as much of my shit in it as I could, and just told me to "get lost". Figured he was joking and I just stared at him cuz, like, why the hell would I think he was serious? But, looking at his face...

AdminJF: So then I said "Let me pack my suitcases while you call the agency" cuz that's how it normally went when my Fosters got sick of me, but mfer pulls me up and goes all "We want you out of here NOW" and tells me that I have ten minutes to fill my bag.

AdminJF: ... And he, uh, really did mean 10 minutes. They weren't lying about that part...

CodingB: Oh my god... That's horrible. They do not deserve to call themselves "parents" of any kind! Are you hurt? Are you okay?

AdminJF: I

AdminJF: I don't know why shit like this still shocks me, y'know? I should be used to it all, and I am for the most part but...

AdminJF: I guess a part of me was thinking that... Things were going well! Things were going better than any of the other families I'd been in! I was with them for almost a full year, like, a month away from it even, and sure, I might've been a bit of an ass sometimes, but they...

AdminJF: Tensions were kinda mounting for the past month or so, I guess, but I didn't notice it until this bs happened. Now most of my shit is in a home I'm not welcome in anymore, the agency probably won't be checking in for another month or so, and I have no goddamn idea what I'll do if Mrs. Freeman comes back and tells me I can't stay here. I'm completely shit outta luck.

CodingB: Allen, I'm so sorry...

CodingB: ... I'm sure... Josh and his mother, they won't leave you on your own like that. You said yourself that Josh is very very kind, for better or for worse. It doesn't matter what you might think about yourself, Allen, you do not deserve to be hurt in any way.

AdminJF:

AdminJF: Christ I spilled my guts like hell

AdminJF: Just one of those fucking

AdminJF: "3am! Time to vent!"

CodingB: Allen, please.

AdminJF: Maybe I could try going back to sleep now...

CodingB: Allen, wait!

CodingB: I. Before you go, please, I

CodingB: Maybe... could you keep a secret of mine too?

AdminJF:

AdminJF: Eh, it's only fair, fine. Go right on ahead.

CodingB: Alright! Alright!

CodingB: I... I'm terrified. Of failing Joshua.

CodingB: Of ending up trapped in this computer for who knows how many more years.

CodingB: Of finally getting out, and... and it all being worse than being trapped in here.

CodingB: Heck, I'm terrified at the thought of it being everything I could've ever dreamed of, so much so that I never want to return to the computer. I... I wouldn't be helpful anymore if that happened...

CodingB: Jeez... am I even helpful where I am now? Apart from keeping the firewall up, what good have I really done to help Joshua or his father?

CodingB: I cannot express to Joshua how... how deeply frightened I am at the thought of him never coming back. That thought haunts my every waking hour when he is not here, and I don't know how to get it to stop. It makes me feel as though I'll crash my entire programming and I hate it so much.

AdminJF: Damn... CB, you know, even just keeping a firewall up is a helluva task all on its own, and it's doing a crapton of good, too. Files are still up and the computer isn't a smouldering pile of viruses now is it?

AdminJF: Besides, even without all of that, you've still helped Josh, like, endlessly. You've supported him a bunch and I know for a fact that you've helped him to feel better about this whole ordeal. Like, he chats about you for HOURS the second you come up in a convo, yo. The minute he gets the chance to, I know he's gonna get you out of there, and, knowing your ingenuity, you're gonna find thousands o' ways to help out.

AdminJF: But... I ain't gonna lie and tell you those feelings are gonna go away. Not on their own. Needs time and reassurance. Until all of this is over and done with and even maybe a good few years afterwards, you're probably gonna still have that fear.

CodingB: Ah... I see... I don't suppose it is normal though, is it?

AdminJF: Nah. I know that first-hand... But hey, we've both made it this far despite all the bullshit we've been through, right? World's not gonna get ridda us that easily.

CodingB: ... Even with the terror I feel, am I still brave enough to face the world?

AdminJF: I'd say the world oughta learn to start being afraid of you, cuz there's nothin' braver than continuing to live even when you're scared to death.

CodingB: ... Thank you. Thank you so very much.

AdminJF: Heh, all in a day... night's work...

AdminJF: Think the both of us could use some rest. Quiet our minds fo' a bit.

CodingB: Heh, agreed... See you tomorrow in that case. Er, well, today. At a later hour.

AdminJF: Yeaaa, see ya then, CBot. Sleep well.

CodingB: You too! May your dreams be filled with nothing scary!

[Emergency Program Inactive]

ampd.program deactivated. Returning to error log...

[mbti-notes]

Hi mbti notes, thanks for all your help. Lately I've been stressed in the presence of my family. After living alone away from them for quite a while, I've become more independent and sure of myself but now that they are back I realized some of my family members are very controlling and critical of everything I do. I didn’t recognize just how much their berating affected me before, but now I do. Any small action could warrant a tirade about what I'm doing wrong, how I’m disrespectful, etc. (1/4)

[con’t: I know I’m not a bad person but it used to make me feel like one and give me low self-esteem. I know better now, but it has been hard to not have my anxiety act up because I am with them in a pretty tight space for a couple of days. I’ve been reverting in little ways to my old patterns of thinking and acting. I’ve been tired and eating a lot more than usual and getting anxious about my social interactions with people. I felt very low energy at work and felt like my unhappiness showed on my face (which made me more anxious; I didn’t want to bring others down). For the most part I know this will pass, and that I just need to adjust, but I am not sure how. I recently had a small interaction with a person I’ve wanted to be friends with, and I was happy they reached out to me first, but my head started telling me they might change their mind about liking me. I started thinking thoughts like, “I didn’t say something cool enough to push the convo forward. I’ll mess it up/already have.” I am not sure how to think about it in a rational way so I’m coming to you for help on reframing those kinds of thoughts, but also on help with how to deal with toxic family members you can’t get away from who tear you down constantly. It’s been very exhausting.]

I think this question is very relevant this time of year when people are getting together with old friends and family. Family dynamics are very difficult to navigate because 1) they are so ingrained through many years of repetition, and 2) one’s sense of self-worth is naturally tied to family member’s judgments. Each member of the family has an image of the other members as well as a well-worn emotional pattern of interaction. Why? Reinforcing “shared knowledge” is one method of keeping a family bonded over time, though most of this knowledge plays out unconsciously. 

When you spend a long time away from family, those images and patterns stay as they were when you left because your family no longer has the opportunity to closely witness your life and the ways in which you change and evolve. In dysfunctional families, the underlying drive to remain emotionally bonded can manifest as a refusal to accept new images and new patterns of interaction, because doing so usually entails that everyone involved has to change in some way, which people tend to assume will end up breaking the old bonds, not to mention that change is scary when your deep feelings and sense of self-worth are on the line. With this in mind, there are two different approaches one can take to handling old family dynamics. 

1) Emotionally distance yourself for the sake of self-care. Be realistic about what you’re capable of; don’t expect more of yourself than you can handle. If you’re not emotionally strong enough to withstand toxic patterns and change them, there’s no shame in distancing or employing a defense mechanism to keep yourself sane. This is probably not the ideal option because it doesn’t actually resolve anything, but it might be your best option at the moment. Growth happens in stages and maybe you’re not quite there yet, and that’s okay. Keep working on yourself in a more supportive environment and, hopefully, one day you can face up to your family with more inner strength.

2) Use the opportunity to challenge yourself. Remind yourself of how much you’ve grown and take this chance to practice being the kind of person you want to be. If you’ve learned independence, then exercise that independence of mind and stand up for yourself. If you’ve learned how to communicate better with people, then do some “advanced level practice”. If you’ve learned how to evaluate criticism more impartially, then exercise that skill with every comment that’s thrown at you. Become the influencer instead of being the influenced. I used to have a running joke with a good friend: every time one of us seemed to make some progress in personal growth, the other would say, “Now go try it with your family!” There is the sting of truth in humor.

Family relationships carry more baggage, so it’s important to remember that it takes a long time to implement change and also lots of effort to dismantle unconscious habits. However, real change in a relationship doesn’t happen if only one person is “adjusting themselves” and nothing is actually being done to change the old dynamic. A proper relationship requires two people to participate. If one person breaks the old dynamic, the other person is forced to respond; it’s normal that the first response is a bad reaction because change is scary. However, over time, as the new pattern is built, things might slowly improve and old wounds eventually resolved. Conflict is sometimes a necessary step to re-balancing relationships and re-negotiating a new way of being with each other. Sometimes you have to be the “bad guy” and initiate the change and handle the ensuing conflict. But when the other person is too set in their ways and stubbornly refuses to change and acknowledge the person you are today, there’s nothing for you to do but disengage, because the wall is insurmountable. Most importantly, there’s no negotiating with abusive people who only want power over you; if this is the case for your family, walking away is the best thing for you to do. Use your best judgment.