#and that i needed to be the one to initiate because he 'didn't want to feel like he was pressuring me'
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How the other X-Men (97') would react to Logan's crush
I need more X-Men 97's Logan. Mostly Pre-established relationship. Just some rambles about some of the other X-men reacting to your mutual crushes because they are all a big family of busybodies lol.
tag: gender neutral reader (mostly)
You didn't have the best first meeting. You had accidentally drank the last of Logan's beers, and the burning anger in his eyes would take time to forget. You had felt so guilty afterwards that the next day he found a crate of imported beer in his bedroom.
When he first started developing a crush on you, Morph liked to tease him changing into you in different forms of suggestive positions wearing all kind of revealing lingerie, which made him blush. Hard. He tried to act all though pulling his claws out threateningly, but it was difficult to take him seriously when he was as red as a tomato.
He wasn't sure what started that crush, he guessed he started developing it without noticing. Maybe it was your good looks, your kind nature, your bright smile; who knew, but something about you drove him to you like a moth to a flame.
Ar first, Logan would be a bit conflicted due to his deeply rooted feelings for Jean. He felt like he was betraying her in some way, despite Jean being married to Scott. Unbeknowst to him, Jean, is one of the main supporters of his relationship with you and is always hijacking with Storm some way for you two to be together. Once, she got tired of your antics and practically psychically shoved you against him.
Storm is the chillest about it, unlike the overly enthusiastic Jean. She is very patient, she knows you'll end up together one way or another. She just has to wait. She still joins Jeans shenanigans because it's really fun.
Scott is more protective of you in a big brother way. He initially doesn't like that Logan has taken an interest in someone he had always seen as a little sibling. He knows how Logan can get, and how much he had pinned after Jean. He doesn't want him to hurt you, it would take a real genuine proof of his love for you to convince him. And something small wouldn't do, it has to be this big grand selfless gesture for him to actually believe it.
Charles, unlike Scott, thinks that you and Logan are a great match. You seem to bring the best out of each other. You calm Logan's never ending rage and Logan encourages you to be more bold and come out of your shell. You are like two puzzle pieces, you fit perfectly together.
Rogue is constantly teasing you about Logan. She has noticed how he gets more awkward when you're around, how he doesn't snark at you as much as he usually does to the others. If she didn't know better, she'd say he was being shy.
Remy is the one usually trying to give Logan advice on how to properly woo you, which usually goes ignored because of Logan's own pride and refusal to admit he has it deep for you.
Jubilee is a die-hard shipper. She gave you the most ridiculous ship name. Logan hates it. She, Storm, Remy, Rogue and Jean, usually meet up to discuss about you two like a bunch of teens. This is literally them on each meeting:
When you finally stop dancing around each other and start dating, he finds he's unable to keep his hands to himself. Watching you make breakfast, humming to yourself in an oversized T-Shirt and booty shorts that perfectly clinged to every delicious curve of your juicy ass like a second skin, put all of Logan's already thin self-control to test. Missions surveys get really awkward if he's seated next to you, his hand always finds its way to your thigh. Hank joked that he should give him 'the talk', which he took it as well as expected.
Roberto is the one who thinks 'what the hell do they see in him??'. He doesn't get how someone as cultured and kind as yourself would ever get interested in a caveman like Logan. But he keeps his thoughts to himself because he'd rather keep his head on his shoulders.
Logan may not know what started his crush, but he sure as hell knows when he realised he loved you. It wasn't a great sacrifice or something epic as anybody would expect. He just saw you doing the most mundane thing in the world, be it painting your nails, taking care of the garden, or getting to the best part of a book you've been reading. The second he saw that glint in your eyes and that joyful expression, he just knew.
#x men 97 x reader#x men x reader#logan howlett x reader#james logan howlett x reader#wolverine x reader
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Thoughts and prayers rants...
So, now that I've had almost 48 hours to marinate on this and cycled through my emotions, I am in a much better headspace to talk on the whole 9-1-1 of it all.
But this bears repeating: We fell in love with Tommy because he made Buck fall in love with Evan.
So, first and foremost, I've decided that canon stopped for me at 8x05. lol. I am going to continue with my BT train like that shit show didn't happen. And for me, for a while, I am going to let the show end there. I will go back, probably after the hiatus, but not how I was. I do love all the characters on this show (some more than others) and I still want to be able to see their journey, but I need a break from that manipulation stunt. I'm still going to share all the positive BT stuff I see and all the beautiful Lou content I see.
Secondly, now that I am over the initial hurt of the breakup, I'm just mad. We were manipulated intentionally with 8x05 for us to feel worse when the break up happened. That was unnecessary. And that was cruel. And I know that a lot of this is because it was the icing on a shit week. Emotions were already raw due to the election and it was reallllllyyyy bad timing for this, but that doesn't make the way they did it okay, just that it can explain why there was such a strong reaction for many of us, on top of the completely justified anger.
Breakups happen, and that's okay. If it was the end of Tommy's time on the show, that's okay. I am a Buck girlie and I always will be. But... the breakup was reductive, stereotypical, and just poor storytelling. I get they want to leave doors open a crack, because you never truly know, but turning him into an OOC stereotypical biphobic gay man is disgusting. You had this beautiful thing and you shat on it. I am going to do another post about my personal relationship with groundbreaking storylines next.
That was a miscommunication. That was a breakup where someone chases after you and is like wtf actually just happened. It felt like whiplash, because that is not how breakups are formulated in media. You know how else you could have written him out of the story?
At the date (and the basketball tickets are actually a really sweet touch when you think about it) Tommy could have told Buck that he got a job offer in another city or state or that his parents are ill and he has to go home to take care of them and asked Buck to go with him. At the apartment, it could have been buck telling him that as much as he could see a future with him, he can't go with him.
Would it have sucked? Yes. But it wouldn't have induced this amount of rage.
For over six months Lou and BTs have been at the receiving amount of a ton of vitriol. And that's not to say that there weren't antagonizers on this side of the fence or that BTs never did anything wrong, but this isn't a both sides bullshit piece. People can suck everywhere, but only one "side" harassed an actor and his family with death threats, he read about the "stoning" calls, used slurs on a regular basis. All of this persisted for months for it to turn out that he was the only one who seemed to give a shit about the story and it's representation. There honestly doesn't seem like there would have been anyone better for it.
You know what's ironic? It was the Buddie's hate and vitriol that pulled me into fandom and made me love Tommy and then Lou. When they would run their mouths, I would look into it and I found a man who genuinely seems like (he is still someone we don't know) a wonderfully kind, sweethearted, genuine man. He looks like a bundle of light and his smile can warm even the coldest hearts. So their vitriol made me a fan. So thanks BoBs.
Buck and Tommy wasn't just about Buck's queerness and definitely not about "wanting to see two white men kiss". It was about our love for Buck. We saw him happier and more fulfilled than he's ever been. We see his life being lived and full of love and stuff and joy.
Again:
We fell in love with Tommy because he made Buck fall in love with Evan.
And you know what, not matter how reductive and all the phobics that breakup was, they can never take that away from us.
#we fell in love with tommy because he made buck fall in love with evan#bucktommy#tevan#tommy kinard#evan buckley#911 abc#the writing on this episode was complete ass as far as this was concerned#honestly#911 discourse#also stay the fuck out of our tags if you dont like what were saying
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Wait wait wait - XD
Mismag episode 7 spoilers
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[Prefacing this with I'm not angry nor judging anyone at the table - having no idea what their true thoughts on these things are, just pointing out how silly and perhaps purposefully 'missing the point' some of the characters are being played as]
Please tell me the adventuring party was Brennan still doing a bit about not understanding that Tabby was 100% directly mimicking Evan (even though it started out Evan realizing he was looking in a mirror, then idk if everyone just got lost in the sauce and that realization just got buried in the improv yes-anding far away from the starting point)
Brennan just screamed that Evan's vibes are RANCID!
Evan who just gave a whole speech about how he was emotionally crushed (and low-key judgy) about how Jammer said 'family on 6' but his single mom of 3 didn't adopt a troubled 17 year old whom she'd never met. Then feeling icky that a rock they've been traveling with and using for info wants to be a part of the friendship.
How the whole point of him wanting to be a dog was that people didn't get rid of you - they kept you and you didn't need to be explicitly useful for them to still want you. Then Tabby literally said the exact same thing - being afraid they'd leave him behind when they found the wall he was supposed to go in despite how useful he'd been with as much energy as he had with the magic and Evan POINT BLANK REFUSED TO PROMISE IT!! Despite Evan asking the same of his group of friends.
Claiming that Tabby was 'love bombing' them to get them to do what Tabby wanted, but not recognizing Evan does the same - then blames people for abandoning him even though none of them have.
AND THE PARALLELS WITH HOW EVAN TAPES OUT A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING AND TABBY HAS A LITERAL OUTLINE IN A WALL HE'S SUPPOSED TO DIRECTLY FIT INTO AND YET EVAN CLAIMS TO WANT TO BE ABLE TO BREAK OUT OF THAT 'NECESSITY' TO HAVE A PLACE WHERE YOU FIT AND JUST BE ABLE TO EXIST WITHOUT NEEDING TO FIT A SPECIFIC SHAPE/PURPOSE IN THE WORLD
How Evan only sees one way his 'needs' can be met - and that's with the group all living together with their themed rooms and adventuring forever (exactly what Tabby said) and getting really disregulated when the group wants to be in each other's lives in a different way - leading Evan to almost fully cut everyone off because they didn't fit in the small box of 'this is the way they'll show they love me', completely missing all the ways that they, too, get to be their own person and just because Evan isn't stitched to them at the hip doesn't mean they aren't a family.
Tabby is pretty clearly just becoming 'sentient' and he's mimicking what he's seeing around him - namely, Evan's desperate need to belong and be a part of something permanently
I have no idea how much of all that was a bit meant to highlight how Evan just can't clock that comparison (even though at the beginning of Tabby waking up fully he seemed to - and then promptly decided that instead of facing that in himself and extending some compassion and empathy to Tabby, he veered to a hard 'we need to destroy this thing that reminds me of how I behave') or how much was Brennan and Lou just getting lost in the sauce of how to interpret Tabby's every move into something bad, but I'm glad the fems and thems of the table called it out and acknowledged that's what was happening.
I really hope the next episode circles back on Evan's initial realization that Tabby was like looking in the mirror and that's how Evan is to be around and there will be some growth there instead of Evan and Jammer just teaming up to destroy Tabby. K dropped the line about making love sustainable which earned a knowing look from Aabria, so I hope that, since Evan was allowed to have his tirade against K (for good reason) episode 3, K will get to call Evan on his shit too.
I think it was a really smart design to have the motives be so explicit this season and at this point I'm very very interested in seeing how the different characters realize their motive, but also reach the point of understanding what they thought they wanted wasn't actually exactly what they need - Jammer realizing that 'teamwork' might need to be achieved differently from how he's been going about it, he might need to pivot. Evan realizing that 'belonging' doesn't mean everyone is with you all the time and constantly reassuring you they don't hate you, they can live their own lives without that meaning they've ditched you.
Idk, very rambly, but the last episode sparked so many ideas in me about how the characters can face themselves and grow due to the wonderful world, mechanics, and plot Aabria has set up.
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What’s this season’s theme? They weren’t subtle about it. When the group asks her about Dohla, Allura almost literally turns to the camera and says: “Let’s just say being in dangerous situations with someone you’re close to can lead to friction.”
The show’s CRew drew considerable attention to this idea through Kima and Allura’s old friend, flashbacks to their adventuring days, Zerxus’ telling of the fall of Avalir, Scanlan’s failure to be fully present for either his daughter or Vox Machina, and the group splintering. On paper, this idea is fine, but in practice, its implementation is flawed.
Because what comes of all this setup? Scanlan steps away for Kaylie; what are the repercussions of that? While Keyleth and the twins break off from the rest, are they gone long? Does this season have a capstone with a potency similar to Bard’s Lament?
(For the record, I am neutral on having Bard’s Lament in Season 3, but excluding that eliminates one hefty bit of dramatic payoff. )
What’s interesting in hindsight is the unintentional, surprisingly substantial, and consistent theme that emerges. One that isn’t the Breaking of the Fellowship.
The twins exact their revenge on Thordak. Keyleth gets revenge on Raishan after Raishan gets hers on first the Ashari, then Thordak when he doesn’t provide her with her cure. Last season, Kaylie sought revenge but rejected it in the end, and now the Shorthalts are uncertain of where they stand. Percy wants to abandon vengeance, but Ripley forces his hand. After her fatal confrontation with Percy, the twins avenge him.
Noticing a pattern?
The script tells us this season’s heart is internal strife, but the action repeatedly shows us a revenge tale. With a strong through-line, marked thematic consistency, and multiple clear payoffs. Ironically, these elements develop organically, akin to mushrooms in the dark, shielded from the narrative heavy-handedness the spotlight would impose upon them.
With only a few tweaks, they could’ve had this plot laced up tighter than a 19th-century corset. Let the twins learn the identity of their mother’s murderer earlier, and let them get the last strikes on him. Give us the group HDYWTDT on Ripley. Let the anger Keyleth feels at Raishan initially block her from passing her earth trial—setting her up as a parallel to Percy; they both let go and walk out of this season alive—and you’ve cooked a full-course meal.
Instead of a retread, frame this story as an extension and escalation of the Briarwood arc—which established how self-destructive the old eye-for-an-eye can be—but this time for the villains: Thordak must be thwarted, and Ripley’s and Raishan’s respective revenge quests draw Vox Machina’s ire and ensure their downfall.
Because sometimes, one person’s vengeance is another person’s karma.
And if desired, you could build upon this idea even further in future seasons when the enemies waiting in the wings move to center stage. Some of them might be interested in payback.
The fact this secondary focus emerges so well and so naturally proves that this show's material is good enough that it doesn’t need bells and whistles or excessive exposition to establish and justify itself. Less-to-no spoon-feeding, keeping and bolstering what was great about the source material, and leaning into this revenge theme would’ve given us not just a much sounder narrative thread this season but a subtler and uncontrived one. And it wouldn’t have needed any extra time. It might’ve needed less if Ripley wasn't around as long.
This season didn't need an underdeveloped central theme that couldn't hold together for lack of payoff shoe-horned into it. It's a worse version of a problem season 2 had, where the idea of VM learning to not run from their problems made little sense in context and didn't really go anywhere for anyone except Scanlan.
All in all, it might be better to prioritize capturing what was great about the source material before adding to the story. Otherwise, you run the risk of throwing something in the stew that clashes with its other ingredients, and there'll be significant potential and several opportunities that could end up going to waste.
#critical role#travis willingham#taliesin jaffe#liam o'brien#ashley johnson#marisha ray#sam riegel#matt mercer#tlovm#the legend of vox machina#vex'ahlia#vax'ildan#keyleth#percy de rolo#kaylie shorthalt#grog strongjaw#pike trickfoot#scanlan shorthalt#s3#tlovm s3#tlovm season 3#spoilers#tlovm s3 spoilers#thordak#the cinder king#raishan#the diseased deceiver#lance reddick#cree summer#needed distractions
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Why do you think that Asami has no friends at the beginning? With Korra it’s because she grew up in isolation and with Mako and Bolin it’s because they were homeless- but why doesn’t Asami have any friends? A girl like her should’ve had a million friends
First of all, bless you, anon. I'd literally opened up a window to talk to some friends about how alone in fandom I feel these days because so many people have moved on or stopped creating and interacting. Then I saw this message! Don't underestimate how motivating it is to get asks about characters and headcanons, or even just to know someone else is interested in your thoughts and wants to talk about mutual interests. You really brightened my day. I hope I can do the same.
As for Asami, I have three theories. The most likely and most boring of these is that it's simply convenience on the part of the writers. In book 1 we didn't see much of her personal life outside of interacting with the Krew so there was no need to waste precious screen time on Asami's other friends. After the show got renewed the writers had to scramble for reasons Asami would still be around - because let's face it, who winds up hanging out with your ex and the girl he left you for as your main friend group? IMO there's zero reason for Asami to be in the show after the first season if she has other friends and sources of support.
A more interesting proposition and the one I mostly go with in my own fics is that Asami did have other friends initially, but that they all abandoned her after her father's arrest. She'd have gone to a fancy private school full of other rich kids with other rich and important parents who'd know that a connection to the daughter of a convicted felon was now social suicide. Suddenly nobody returns her calls, everyone is busy, that invite to Su Li Lim's party happens to go astray, etc. With so many social doors now shut to her, hanging out with the former Fire Ferrets makes more sense. She might even do it initially out of spite in a "well FINE, I'm gonna go be important to the Avatar and go fight crime and be awesome" kind of way.
My last theory is that Hiroshi Sato didn't really let Asami have friends. Acquaintances, sure, but he wouldn't want her growing too close to any dangerous benders and there wasn't an easy way to do this without it being obvious that's what he's doing so he didn't let her grow close to anyone. I think of this as the Victorian novel scenario where Asami is disincentivized from doing kid stuff to "take care of father" and from an early age assumes some of the duties her mom had taken on in terms of household management. She's somehow always too busy for friends. When the class field trip comes around her dad needs her for something important. This might also explain how an 18-year-old thought they were qualified to be CEO of a huge company. She's already managing half the staff at the estate as well as the vendor contracts. How hard could it be?
But what do you think?
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Absolute comics first thoughts
For the first time since the end of DOOMSDAY CLOCK I've been persuaded into paying money for a DC comic, and two, no less.
I've been 100% checked out of the DC sphere for about 5 years, only occasionally seeing some news here or there about the latest crossover event or fave character or what have you, and I regard those with the passing interest one might have in seeing a hot air balloon. Nothing has drawn me back partly because I'm old now and don't have the time or inclination to try catching up on years of crossover event, status quo altering storylines and yadda yadda.
I had heard about the new ABSOLUTE line of titles, but from the initial teasers and previews, not the least of which was the character design for Absolute Batman with his giant stupid fat bat symbol, I just wrote it off as them doing yet more edgy elseworlds stories, and thought no more on it until maybe three weeks ago. I saw a little roundup of details about Absolute Superman from an interview with Jason Aaron and it caught my attention.
I've gone on at length in the past about how I think that any earnest attempt at writing Superman for modern audiences that keeps true to the "idea" of Superman without making a cynical edgelord version of the character would need to depict Superman as a politically engaged, class conscious individual at least, and a full on Leninist at best. Now obviously I do not expect DC comics to publish a comic about communist superman without it being a laughable piece of propaganda like RED SON, but nonetheless, hearing that Absolute Superman is about a superman who is fighting a mining corporation to protect a community of abused labourers, and re-imagining Krypton as a caste-based society that was destroyed by reckless exploitation of the environment, I was certainly interested.
I resolved to check it out at least. I'd seen some of the details about Absolute Batman, that he's not a billionaire and whatever and still wasn't too interested, but realized I'd heard basically nothing about Absolute Wonder Woman. "She didn't grow up on Themyscira" okay what does that mean?
At this point both Batman and Wonder Woman were out so I looked it up and found some pages from Absolute Wonder Woman #1 and was pretty much instantly hooked because the art was tremendous, and Wonder Woman is flying on a skeleton pegasus with a huge Guts sword and like, that just fucking rocks ass, come on. So I was now sold on two Absolute series, I decided eh, what the hell I'll check out Absolute Batman #1, maybe I could be convinced.
So now that I've read all three first issues of the new ABSOLUTE Universe, I have some thoughts.
ABSOLUTE BATMAN #1 is a confused mess. I think that Batman, being easily the most popular DC character, with the broadest demographic appeal, has too much baggage. You'd kind of think that with a character like this where everyone knows his whole basic backstory, you could gloss over the details a bit more, but this issue is so concerned with establishing and referencing as many iconic Batman characters as possible, it's so bloated.
in this one(1) issue they set up or directly show you: Alfred Pennyworth, Jim Gordon, Barbara Gordon, Harvey Bullock, Killer Croc, Penguin, Riddler, Cat Woman, Two-Face, Black Mask, Ras Al Ghul, and of course we cannot go even one single issue without giving you The Joinker. It's too much. Ease off. We're not going to encounter probably two thirds of these people for ages. And, frankly establishing that half of Batman's presumptive rogue's gallery just so happened to be Bruce Wayne's childhood friends is dumb as shit. The dynamic between all of them is going to follow the exact same "gasp, could it be that my old friend is now a criminal?!" dynamic like 5 times in a row.
This is easily the most edgy of the current Absolute series and is basically exactly what I assumed the whole imprint was going to be, but it really feels in places like Scott Snyder wanted this to be a Batman that was darker and more violent but then DC editorial was like "no, Batman can't kill people" so he adjusted the script as little as possible to reassure the audience that he's rolling non-lethal damage as he stabs the shit out of people with his ear-knives and chops their hands off.
Despite all the parts I don't like about how they portray Batman, the thing that pisses me off is I really like the way they are doing Bruce Wayne.
Typically Bruce Wayne, the billionaire is kind of a hard character for me to like because of how much he serves this kind of great man power fantasy(yes, I know, superhero comics are inherently fascist) He has a vendetta against the concept of crime because his parents were killed by a criminal, so he takes it upon himself to "protect" Gotham, but in many depictions of Batman it's kind of like, what exactly is his connection to the city other than he lives there and presumably is the HQ of Wayne Enterprises. he views it the way a rich person would, dirty and too full of undesirable people who must be punished so that he, a wealthy socialite can enjoy the place without having to see the underclasses.
Making Bruce a working class urbanist is such a more interesting way of exploring the character. He loves the city because he grew up in it's streets, played in it's parks, attended it's schools, rode it's busses. Adding the layer on that that he became a civil engineer and worked with the municipal government does for the first time I've ever seen something interesting with Gotham by kind of interrogating the notion of what makes a city what it is. Is it the infrastructure, the people, the civil servants? It's the most interesting Bruce Wayne has ever been.
But then as Batman he's just fucking mutilating people and blowing them up with bombs and whatever. Yawn. I think that the Batman aspect also annoys me because it so blatantly disregards the central premise of the Absolute line. What if Batman wasn't a billionaire? Well then he wouldn't have access to tons of money and resources to do his Batman shit! So they like, half-ass that by giving him the kind of stripped-down arsenal. No gadgets and gizmos, just knives and a hunk of bat shaped metal used as a battle axe. But then oh yeah he also has some kind of miracle fabric that he can use as like tendrils or whatever and it's completely bullet-proof and so on and so forth. Like, Batman really really does not feel in any meaningful way like he is working at a disadvantage in this version of the story, and that just makes the whole thing so damn boring.
ABSOLUTE WONDER WOMAN #1 fucking kicks ass. This was by kind of a wide margin the best issue of the three series debut issues. I think that unlike Batman and Superman who both have quite a lot of baggage tied into their backstories and supporting cast and so forth, Wonder Woman has never quite achieved the level of iconography as they have so there's almost more freedom to do something new without hitting a bunch of prescribed plot points. In fact she might be the one of the trinity who has had the most attempts to re-imagine her and spruce her up to get people interested. I recall back in 2010 they did a big shake up that was not too dissimilar to this new take on the character. What if she never grew up on Themyscira? What if she didn't have the favour of the gods, etc. And I really liked that one, so I guess it's no surprise I'd be fond of this new version as well.
I think the number one thing that hooked me on this issue is the artwork, tbh. It's my favourite style so far of the Absolute comics, and everything just looks so cool and big and epic and awesome. That's it. It's just cool as hell.
The next most important thing is it has much better pacing than the other issues. You get a very simple, very effective set-up. The Amazons have been punished by the gods so this baby is being raised in hell by a witch. That's it. Good, effective time lapse of her growing up interspersed within the action scenes of her fighting monsters. It's simple and to the point but still leaves me invested int he mystery and wanting to know more. And again, it did not feel the need to shoe-horn a bunch of characters in so you can do the soyjack point at the issue. They could have easily shoved Steve Trevor in there as one of the soldiers responding to the freaky monster pyramid but that would have just been lame. It's confident enough in itself to not have to try and get you with low hanging fruit.
I don't really have much else to say, it's just cool and good and I'm unequivocally excited for more.
ABSOLUTE SUPERMAN #1 is a solid start. Now I'll admit I'm way more of a Superman-head than I am for Batman or Wonder Woman. This was the series that made me interested in the Absolute experiment in the first place, so I'm probably way more willing to be lenient towards a Superman title than say Batman.
That being said, this one also has like Batman, aspects I really like, and others I'm a bit iffy on, though not in as wide a gulf as Absolute Batman. As I said before, I've spent probably too much time trying to think of how to reinvent Superman in a modern context and, specifically, from a politically left-wing perspective, and I'll say that so far I think they're doing a decent job.
It's obviously nothing new to look at Superman as an immigrant story. Going all the way back to Siegel & Shuster, who were children of Jewish immigrants, the whole idea was what if this guy came from somewhere else. I think that the way that Jason Aaron has interpreted that concept for a modern context is actually quite brilliant. It's almost less of what if Superman was an immigrant than what if Superman was a refugee? Rather than unable to return to his homeland, but finding a new home with loving foster parents we are given the suggestion that he's never had a stable home since arriving on Earth. Moving from one place to another, nowhere to go home to, hiding among the economically exploited peoples of the global south.
It's such a riveting set up, I'm really excited to see how this version of the Character is informed by his history.
I also like the use of Krypton as kind of a heavy-handed double metaphor for stratified class society and the dangers of climate change. Like, it is presumably already dead and gone and unable to like, textually affect the story so who cares if it's allegorical nature is too on the nose. I also really like the notion of Kal El having like, living memory of Krypton, rather than only knowing about it from recordings on an alien flash drive or whatever.
I think the use of this "Lazarus" corporation as a kind of stand-in blanket evil corporation that does every kind of exploitative, extractive, broadly seen as morally wrong kinds of industries a bit hokey but hey it's a comic. I love the use of the Peacemakers as the like, corporate PMC security force though, that's fun. I am pretty curious if Lazarus is going to be a kind of fake-out Lexcorp. Like Luthor is the head of it but they called it by a different name so as not to ruin the surprise of his introduction. That or maybe it's related to Ras Al Ghul? Who knows, but I'm interested in what their whole deal is. They not only operate diamond mines and factory farms but also like, hunt down alien technology to reverse engineer?? And employ a Brainiac. curious as to what the deal is with the screaming jars. Does being shrunk down just like, really hurt? Seems like almost going overboard with the concept. Like not only does he shrink down cities and put them in jars but he also tortures the shrunken people? Like why, what's he getting out of it?
Some of the iffy parts for me include the suit AI thing he's got because I'm frankly sick of that trope by now. Ever since Iron man it's like every fucking character in comics has to have some kind of tech suit with a quirky robot voice. I'm willing to give it a chance on the grounds that it's like alien technology so sure whatever. I kind of like that he has to fucking charge the suit with a solar panel. I am curious about what exactly the breakdown is with the suit. He uses his x-ray and laser eyes so presumably it's still Kal himself who has super powers and they're not like, imbued by the suit. The suit seems like it is regulating his powers in some way. Like without it he couldn't control them and would cause havoc, but the fact that he has to like charge the suit's battery is kind of funny. Like, is the suit solar powered and his powers are just inherent no matter what, or does he still derive his power from sunlight as well? Fuzzy on the rules.
I also don't like the Lois reveal. It's just dull. Who care. The little teaser of Kent Farm is interesting to me. Feels like several different ways they could pivot:
Kal El's rocket lands and blows a hole in their barn, they find him and are frightened of him so they call the authorities/Lazarus and Kal flees.
Similar to above but they care for him like usual before Lazarus shows up looking for the alien craft and kill the Kents to remove any witnesses
Altogether it does enough things I'm interested in to keep me going with it despite the few quibbles I have. So far it's 2/3 on the Absolute universe and with the "phase 2" or whatever announced I'm 100% guaranteed also picking up Absolute Flash because it's my boy Wally and Jeff Lemire writing, like come the fuck on, how could I resist that.
#DC#dc comics#absolute comics#absolute universe#dc absolute#dc all in#absolute batman#absolute wonder woman#absolute superman#batman#bruce wayne#wonder woman#diana of themyscira#superman#kal el#clark kent#self indulgence#rambling
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Taking the lead
Usually, Emmerich was the one taking the initiative. Because he was the most experienced of them both and mainly because if she was now able to tell what she liked and what she didn't, she had close to no clue how to do it
She could very well push him on the bed and just do it… but come on. It was Emmrich we were talking about. Everything about him was sophisticated even his way to build up the tension before acting on it
The man had standards
And if she were to take the lead, she wanted to live up to them.
She had rehearsed this moment a dozen times in her mind: a subtle surprise that would leave him stunned. Confident, she thought. Unflappable. She could do that.
But as she found herself straddling him, she noticed the faintest smirk tugging at his mouth. How long had he been onto her? She froze, a flush creeping up her neck.
She froze, suddenly very self-conscious and unsure how to proceed. Did she look as ridiculous as she thought she was?
"Everything all right dear?"
There wasn't the slightest trace of mockery in his eyes and the soft kindness lacing his words disarmed her. If he hadn’t reached for her chin, lifting it so she could meet his gaze, she might have broken down then and there
"Yeah," she mumbled. "Well... no... I don't know"
Timing had never been her strong suit, and of all the times to be a rambling mess, this was probably the worst.
"It is just... this isn’t quite what I was expecting", she shot back, flustered.
"And what were you expecting?"
Not a question easy to answer
"You always look like you know exactly what to do and when. I guess I just wanted to treat you the same"
"Well, I do know what I’m doing. But believe me, that wasn’t always the case. And you don’t need to do it the same way I do.” He tutted to stop her from arguing. “What you need, my dear, is to find your own rhythm, at your own pace.”
He let his hand slide along her chin until only his fingertip lingered, a featherlight touch that made her want to lean into him. “In fact,” he said, his gaze turning playful, “there’s really only one question you should be asking yourself.” He paused, savoring the curious look in her eyes, like a student eager to learn. “What is it that you most desire right now?”
#emmrich romance#emmrich volkarin#digital drawing#dragon age emmrich#emmrich x rook#dragon age the veilguard#god dammit I don't know how to draw shadows anymore#datv#I will become better at drawing him I swear#rook too#rook x emmrich#obviously#emmrich fanart#dragon age the veilgaurd spoilers
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So, it’s time for our KnB Ocs! Information under the cut. Before that, I will warn you that our characters are very closely connected to the GOM and are managers/assistants in different schools. Just because we didn't really have enough of the managers' activities in KnB yeah. Ships with canons as usual too.
Name: Mitsuba Ume
Kanji: 三葉優芽
Gender: Female (she/her)
Age: 15 years old
Height: 156 cm
Weight: 52 kg
Birthday: March 26th
Blood Type: A
Team: Teiko (former); Too
Job: Assistant Manager
Voice Actor: Ito Shizuka
"And yet... in those moments of need, all I could do was do nothing. How sad. Can I even call myself a friend when I couldn't lend a helping hand? Those moments... I won't ever get to hold them again..."
Mitsuba Ume is a former assistant manager of Teiko basketball team and a friend of Momoi Satsuki from elementary school. After entering high school, she joined Too basketball team as an assistant manager at Satsuki's request.
Personality
Ume had always been a reserved person, her best friend for as long as she could remember was Momoi Satsuki, and that was enough for her. The only other close person besides Satsuki for her was Aomine Daiki, simply because he was Momoi's childhood friend, and they attended the same elementary school. Their relationship... to put it mildly, is peculiar. In any case, Ume has always valued her small circle of friends, and it only expanded after she joined Teiko basketball club, where she served as an assistant manager.
During her time at Teiko, Ume came across as extremely reserved and rigid in her interactions with others. It wasn't that she lacked the ability to connect; rather, she simply did not want to. However, beneath her seemingly cold exterior, Ume was a surprisingly cheerful and considerate girl, known for stepping up to help when needed, a trait that came in handy as the assistant manager. Basketball wasn't initially Ume's primary pastime or passion. However, by being surrounded by the fervent love and enthusiasm of those around her for the sport, she found herself, quite inadvertently, developing an interest in it.
In high school, Ume's personality underwent a transformation. Gone were the days of being overly reserved in her communication; she now possessed a slight rudeness, unafraid to stand up for herself and her opinions. She has an ability to skillfully balance her politeness with assertiveness to achieve desired outcomes. Although Ume's demeanor had shifted, one trait remained constant: her unwavering dedication to supporting her loved ones. Even if she wasn't as joyful and proactive as before, she still agreed to be Momoi's assistant at Too Academy, simply because she couldn't bear to leave Momoi to face the challenges alone. Although, the reason was not only this.
Trivia
Her motto is "Fall down seven times, get up eight"
Her favorite food is ramen.
Her hobby is reading shoujo manga and collecting anime merchandise.
Her speciality is making schedules, memorizing people's faces.
Her best subject is English.
She is the only child and lives with her mother.
Doesn't like chocolate.
She doesn't like insects, especially cicadas.
Artwork done by Michi
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Okay finished the Haruspex route of Pathologic Classic! I need to play Clara's route to see the whole picture but I'm already fascinated by the differences between P1 and P2 in terms of characterization. I think I like Pathologic 2 even more now considering how they improved on Artemy's route, I am sorry to say I didn't like it at all in classic... This is all just my personal impression after first playthrough ofc. Ramblings about both Artemy and Daniil ↓ I think what bothered me about Haruspex was mostly just his attitude and his messiah plot. Once the first day is out of the way it's all smooth sailing for him, a bit too much so?? The only personal conflict he has is figuring out his father's exact wishes for him and choosing a sacrifice. Killing anyone is treated as fair or something that needed to happen and the Haruspex is always shrugging it off... And either option, Aglaya & the Town or Polyhedron... It just doesn't seem like he is that attached to either? So it doesn't feel like he is sacrificing much personally? Like sure he wants to save the Town because of his messianic qualities, but that's again more about fulfilling his 'role' rather than genuinely wanting to save lives, or at least it read that way to me. I'm sure it's meant to be both and P2 makes this far more apparent, but in P1 it elicited a rather squinty reaction from me. Plus well yeah, getting rid of Polyhedron is pretty much just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, like yep he sure didn't care about that thing lmao so getting rid of it isn't such a difficult choice at all. The suggestion that the Polyhedron could be his Udurgh is kind of useless because the Town and Earth are far better candidates and fit with Kin beliefs better, which in this game Artemy pretty much doesn't doubt at all. Maybe this is why the Bachelor is so present in his route? Daniil did say he'd commit suicide if he lost, maybe we'd want to think twice about pushing him towards it... But again! Does it seem like this guy cares ahhh haha... The dialogue option that is actually engaging with what Daniil said is pretty much there to make it clear to the player what the Utopian ending is and what it would be like.
Ngl at first I thought he was meant to be the 'sacrifice' until they said it's a woman. Every time Artemy learned something about the Bachelor's motivations he'd write down in his diary like '...if it matters' since the player can always choose what ending to go with I guess. I also find it curious that he can say that they are friends but still always writing only 'the Bachelor' in his diaries while Daniil switched to 'Artemy' and 'Burakh' during the final stretch. The one-sided yaoi................ 🤔 At least Artemy doesn't get mad at him for ordering to set the mythic bull on fire, I guess their friendship did mean something to him after all at that point. Also when Capella tells him that he should ask the Bachelor for help with getting into the Polyhedron since the Bachelor 'fawns upon you a lot anyway' the Haruspex just goes 'oh yeah! ok' fjdghdjg... Now that I think about it I DID like the Haruspex route for what it did with the Bachelor hahah, his dialogues and letters are just so good sometimes. Like wow, I felt this.
Very cool, if i was Artemy I'd totally abandon my weird murderous calling for this. Tangentially related... P2 had one moment that I remember from my last replay when Rubin, if kept alive, falls into a deep deserved sleep in his home, and Artemy just starts emotionally monologuing at him.
Like, P1 Artemy would never, but also it goes to show that he's still very much a repressed man here too, buying into toxic masculinity ideals who can't just talk to his friends about his feelings directly... The same character, but more complex. I want to make it clear that I DO like him and his motivations in P2 actually, and his personal conflict being more about the future of the Kin makes that game much more powerful to me than what his classic route was. I heard that initially he was planned to be far more violent and dark, so maybe he could have been sort of a villain protagonist and this was changed later and this is why it feels a bit bland? Hmm... Idk this is fun to me because meanwhile the Bachelor didn't feel that different to me in both games lmao. A highly stressed educated guy who is just trying to prevent the spread of epidemic the 'right' way and then clinging to the only chance he has left to preserve both his ideals and his life. He is a bit less polite in P2 at first (while still very much helping by warding off Rubin) but then rather quickly becomes more cordial to Artemy and vice versa (and wow it sure is nice when Artemy can actually be polite and friendly..). And the moment when he explains some of his personal deal to Artemy feels rather similar in both iterations mood-wise.
I liked his route in P1 a lot, surprisingly so, and I now understand why so many people liked him before P2 came out and afterwards too... There's just something very real about how he is the intelligent Capital doctor but with an extraordinary dream to combat death itself, possibly given to him by the Powers That Be due to these children trying to cope with people dying around them. And instead of favoring him for it they hate him! They leave him with nothing but this final chance to fix things, even if that means destroying everything and rebuilding anew. Daniil's desperation feels very real and thus more compelling, plus like... I mean it's pretty much confirmed that it's not just the Polyhedron and that the soil itself is 'rotten' (literally in the meta real world and through blood beneath the earth in the Town itself) and the decease could return again, sooo his ending doesn't look that bad comparatively. I also appreciated how Maria (or uhh was it Nina talking through her here as well?) explained how their Utopia doesn't actually mean a 'perfect' place, more so just an impossible dream.
The Bachelor doesn't mind this at all, a detail I loved.
...Hmm that said maybe P1 makes it a little too easy for him to kinda ignore the Kin issue, he is only mad about their circumstances when it comes to Vlad choosing to doom thousands of the Kin workers inside the Termitary (which is just his doctor ethics). I mean it is realistic for him to ignore the implications of representing the imperialist side, he does mention his father was a military man too at some point I think... Still, he is very quick to accept the Kin's unique beliefs as something that has obvious merit, trusting the Haruspex with that side of things in both of their routes, and he doesn't make much of a distinction between them and regular Town people when it comes to patient treatment. If anything it's probably a sign of how the writers weren't thinking that hard about this worldbuilding aspect at the time... even if I appreciated them showing the downsides of the Kin's society, I think those were done better than in P2 purely because it was a bit more realistic (I am talking about sexism mostly, such as selling their own daughters and not respecting their autonomy, plus the mention of Kin politics and different ruling clans rather than the hive mind situation implied in P2). Like, it is more obvious in P1 that wholeheartedly embracing the Kin's return to tradition isn't such a good solution for them either, but one that will likely happen anyway with Artemy and Taya as their new leaders. And it could get trickier in Pathologic 3 I think, especially since most of us really appreciated the portrayal of colonization in P2 and would expect it getting addressed again in future games of other character routes, but we'll see I guess! Either way I look forward to that game a lot now.
#pathologic#patho1#daniil dankovsky#artemy burakh#the bachelor#the haruspex#RAMBLINGS again#long post#text
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Lucid Dreamer (2/2)
part 1
Gepard stalls almost a week before he finally goes out to the safehouse, and it takes him a couple days to find it because Sampo didn't have the time left to be wasn't super specific about the location. But he does find it.
It's pretty bare bones, really. Gepard knows that was probably to be expected, but… It feels crushing, when he realizes there are so few personal things here. It's nothing specific to Sampo. Just some food, some medical supplies. A cot and a heater and a lot of mismatched blankets. Nothing to remember someone by.
But he does find the letters, in a metal box stashed away under the bed.
There are two for him. Three for Natasha, and two for Seele. One for Hook, one for Serval, one for Pela, one for Bronya.
Bronya's is mostly business. They knew each other from the whole Stellaron incident, but not much beyond that, and the incoming catastrophe is a more pressing matter. Seele's is actually two copies of the same letter, and Gepard realizes why when Seele is so angry she rips the first one up without reading it. He gives her the copy a couple days later, and she slinks off without a word.
Pela seems completely normal after hers is delivered, but Gepard knows better than to trust that. The next day, he finds her asleep in bed with Serval, bottles abandoned on the floor, both their eye makeup smeared and running and Pela's glasses horribly smudged and crooked on her face. Serval doesn't read hers in front of him, but she's clingy with Gepard, Pela, and Lynx for quite a while after. She throws herself into her work a lot. She insists the heater from the safehouse is busted and she needs to keep it. It's too dangerous for use by someone who's not an engineer. Might burn their house down or something. Gepard doesn't argue.
Hook's letter is short, with easy to read words. The rest of it is actually a treasure map, and she and the moles spend the next several days running through the Underground, finding hidden candy and toys. Hook asks them when Sampo is coming back, because one of the marbles she found from his map looks green, just like his eyes, and she wants to give it to him. Natasha shoos Gepard out of the clinic before he can even begin to think of an answer.
Natasha refuses to let him see what's in her letters, which ok, fine, he'll respect that. He hears from Bronya who heard from Seele who heard from Natasha herself though that one of the letters was a map and the other a catalogue, with all of Sampo's hidden "warehouses." Gepard promptly marches himself back out to the frontlines, where he can turn a blind eye. If a ton of stolen goods suddenly enters the black market, and if the orphanage and the clinic suddenly have new supplies, well, technically that's none of his business.
Gepard goes to bed, curls up under mismatched blankets and closes his eyes.
He doesn't dream.
One of Gepard's letters was also business, like Bronya's and Natasha's. He and Bronya follow everything meticulously, down to the letter, because there has to be some good to get out of all this, there has to be. Gepard can't let it all be for nothing, it would bury him.
And so the catastrophe passes. Not without casualties, and not without a lot of damage and destruction. But Belobog survives.
And after that, time just kind of…goes on. Gepard has been a part of the Silvermanes since he was old enough to enlist. The Fragmentum had gotten so much worse in the years before Welt sealed the Stellaron. He knows the statistics, it is literally his and Pela's jobs to keep track. He knows when he sees a face everyday in the camps and then it's suddenly gone. He's not unfamiliar with things like grief and loss.
He still catches himself checking the trashcans and the supply crates and soldiers' footprints sometimes, though.
But there comes a night where Gepard goes to bed, holding the mismatched blankets to his face, and he dreams. And it's strange, it's off, it sticks with him. Sampo doesn't look the same. He's thinner. His muscles have atrophied. He looks like how Gepard has seen soldiers after months in the hospital.
The most unsettling difference is there's a scar across the left side of his head, Gepard can see it over his ear, peeking out past his hairline, carving towards his cheek. Sampo is always careful about his face. Gepard once saw him dodge a Fragmentum monster and literally let it cut across his neck just to keep his face clear. He wouldn't let that happen for nothing.
Their actions in the dream itself aren't new. Sampo seems tired, run down and worn out, but he announces his presence with aplomb by lobbing a bunch of smoke bombs off the rooftops and sending his soldiers scrambling. Same shit, different day.
The new part is what he says when Gepard chases him out to the edges of the camp, tackles him into the snow. Gepard pins him to the frozen ground to detain him and Sampo doesn't even fight it, just looks up at him like he's seeing sunrise for the first time in months.
"I'll be home in one week."
#sampard#gepo#hsr gepard#hsr sampo#gepard landau#sampo koski#hsr natasha#pelageya sergeyevna#serval landau#bronya rand#hsr seele#hsr hook#honkai star rail#my fics#lucid dreamer#I was initially just going to let Sampo stay dead because I love that kind of thing#but I ended up liking this ending so I guess I'll let it stay haha#I love thinking about Sampo's relationships with the rest of the cast and their reactions to all this#he was a founding member of Mechanical Fever. he still plays shows with Pela and Serval.#Pela is constantly giving him second chances like in the museum event and letting him volunteer with the Silvermanes.#And Serval could say SO much about him but all she says is 'hah that guy' and mentions Gepard is going to catch him someday.#I need the three of them to be a weird trio of buddies fdksaljfdkl#Sampo is seen with Seele plenty and he's with Natasha so much that Hook literally thought he was horribly ill for a long time.#I love them having some kind of odd comraderie#and oh my god I am the biggest Hook & Sampo stan ever they're so so cute and sweet and precious and WAH#so I think Sampo would want to be prepared for just in case he didn't make it back. that he would have a contingency plan for everything.#and he would miss these people and this city enough to show up in their dreams one last time.#but I'd like to think he saved Gepard for last#and it is not just because he has a crush or any kind of romantic feelings for him. There's more to it than that.#(If I'm being super honest I don't even really ship them with romance involved. I have a hard time picturing them like that.)
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Building off of what I wrote in my fic "Sparks," I'm really compelled by the idea of Ford genuinely no longer being interested in sailing around in a boat with Stan by the time they were seniors in high school.
I like the idea of it not being just a symptom of the resentment that had been building between them, nor it being a dream of Ford's that only paled in comparison to west coast tech, but it being a genuine loss of interest on Ford's end. I think it complicates things even further in some really juicy ways.
Like, imagine going through high school slowly losing more and more interest in the dream you've shared with your twin and only friend ever since you were little kids. How do you break it to him? How do you explain it to him without making it sound like a rejection of him? Without it making him hate you?
How do you explain it without it feeling like a spit in the face to all the hard work he's put into a plan that started out as a way of him comforting you by telling you "it doesn't matter what people say about you, you're going to be an adventurer who sails away into the sunset and never has to hear their mockery ever again, and there will be babes and treasure and heroism, and then they'll all see how cool you really are!"
And all through high school you think to yourself, "he's going to move on to more realistic dreams any day now, and then I won't have to say anything about it!" But no matter how many times you mention something else he could do with his life that he seems interested in, or bring up the challenging logistics of traveling around long-term in a boat, he sounds just as committed to the childhood dream as ever, and completely oblivious to how apprehensive you sound.
So resentment grows, little by little. Because that's easier than confronting the soul-crushing levels of guilt that are building up inside of you, every time you don't take an opportunity to tell him you don't want to do the plan anymore. You don't have a single person in your life who modeled how to have difficult conversations for you. As far as you know, having this conversation with Stan would crush him into tiny little pieces and then he would hate you forever, and you can't stand the idea of losing the only friend you've ever had.
So tensions grow. A lack of interest turns into a bitter resentment that, if you were really being honest with yourself, is directed more at yourself than it is at Stan.
And then the falling-out happens, and it seems like you were proven right. Stan hates you now, and he's never going to forgive you for giving up on his dream. But two can play that game, so you try to hate him too. Because if you hate him too, then maybe it won't hurt as much that he never came back. That he never even turned up at school, or by the boat, or in through your bedroom window in the middle of the night. He knows what dad's like, and how he says impulsive exaggerated things when he's angry, and haven't you both dealt with his harsh words countless times before and been able to dust yourselves off and joke about it later? So why isn't he back at home, joking with you about how absurd your dad acted that night, being impossible and belligerent about ruining your dream, but at least now you're even, because you've ruined his dream too.
-
And now imagine you find out he risked the lives of everyone in existence to bring you back, right after you had accepted your fate was to die killing Bill. It would be terrifying and confusing and infuriating. If he cared so much, why didn't he do something to reconnect with you sooner? Why did he ignore you in favor of trying to make it big without you? Why didn't he take the infinitely safer and simpler action of reaching out to you without you having to track down his address and send a desperate plea for help? You were convinced that he didn't care enough to bother with you unless you had an important enough reason for him to come. But even then, he thought your plans were stupid. He didn't want anything to do with you, not even with the world at stake.
Did he save your life out of guilt? Does he pity you that much? It doesn't add up with what he did in the decade leading up to shoving you into the portal. And the dissonance between the version of him in your head that hates you, and the man who held out his arms to welcome you back to your home dimension, is so strong that you feel like you're being lied to again, like you're back in the depths of gaslighting and manipulation that Bill put you through, even though there's no way that's what Stan is trying to do... right? You can't figure it out, so you run away from it. You don't want to know the answer to whether or not Stan hates you, because you don't know which answer would hurt more, so you try to make him hate you more than ever, because at least then you would know for sure how he feels.
And in the end, after he sacrifices his memories for you, and for the world, things seem clearer. The layers upon layers of confusion and anger and hurt seem to have washed away like drawings in the sand, leaving behind the simple truth: that you two had an argument, and didn't move past it for forty years, and despite everything you put each other through, you both still want to re-connect.
So you sail away in a boat together.
And at first, it's wonderful. It's exactly what you want. It feels like an apology to Stan, and a thank-you for saving the world, and a once-in-a-lifetime chance to heal the rift between you two, and it's good to be back on earth, and you wonder why you ever doubted the dream you two once had.
But then, after the first long journey you spend on the sea together, when you get back home to dry land, Stan is already talking about planning your next adventure out on the open sea. He recaps every adventure you had on the first trip, over and over again, and he wants to chat with you all through the morning and long into the night, and you don't have the words to explain to yourself that you don't have enough social battery for this, and suddenly you're slipping back into the horrifyingly familiar feeling of Stan being overbearing and needing space from him and how could you think that? How could you think that about him after everything he's done for you and everything he's forgiven you for? But the longer this goes on, the more you realize that you still don't want to spend the rest of your life sailing around with Stan. It's great fun in moderation, but the idea of your whole life revolving around Stan and going on adventures with Stan and being in a boat with Stan with no time to be by yourself thinking about your own things and figuring out your own dreams makes your skin crawl with a claustrophobic kind of panic that you still don't know how to put into words forty years after the first time this feeling grabbed you by the throat and ruined your friendship with Stanley.
But the first time this happened, it nearly ruined his life forever. You can't let yourself feel this. You don't feel this. You're happy to spend the rest of your life fulfilling Stan's lifelong dream, and making up for the time you crushed his dream, and sure, maybe he crushed your dream once too, and maybe it would be nice for him to support your dreams like you're now doing for him, but you can't say that. He saved the universe, and it would be horrible and ungrateful and cruel for you to try to voice these feelings, especially when you don't know how to voice your feelings without it making other people feel like you twisted a knife into their gut. So you try to pretend the feeling isn't there.
You go out on a boat with Stan again. You planned out another incredible journey together, and this should be fun, and you should be happy about this, but the unspoken feeling you shoved as far down in yourself as it could possibly go is eating you alive. The worst part? Stan is starting to notice. You have never been good at hiding your emotions. The trick to it has always been to convince yourself you don't feel it at all, and not think about it, and that has always worked like a charm. But whenever the emotion claws its way back up to the forefront of your mind, you can tell Stan knows something is wrong. So you can't even give him the happy ending he deserves. You can't even convince him that you want to be here on the open seas forever with him, like he deserves. And you keep trying and trying to hide it, but Stan keeps asking in roundabout ways, like "You're being awfully quiet, sixer," and "whats that look on your face?" and eventually it comes exploding out of you like a shaken-up soda bottle dropped on its cap.
And then it's like you're back at home in New Jersey again, standing in the living room while dad grabs Stanley by the shirt. It all comes pouring out of you, in the worst possible way, with the worst possible phrasing, like a pandora's box of monstrousness, and Stan tries to fight back against the sting of your words, but you're made out of acid and you're burning through him and you can see it on his face, and there's never any coming back from this, not this time, you'll just have to either jump into the ocean or become a monster forever, so Stan can hate you more easily again, and-
-and at the end of the outburst, you're still on a boat in the middle of nowhere in the ocean with your brother, in dangerous waters, and you have things to do to keep the boat running smoothly.
You can't run away from him. He can't run away from you. You're stuck here for at least a couple more weeks, even if you turned around and sailed back towards shore right away.
-
And the thing that compels me so much here, despite how unbelievably angsty it all is, is that it sets up a situation wherein the Stans might end up forced to actually address the decades of resentment and confusion and wanting-to-reconnect-throughout-it-all that they thought they could gloss over and heal with enough time spent adventuring together on a boat. They might end up forced to actually address the crux of the issue that drove them apart in the first place: Ford wanting a little more space to feel like his own person, and to feel like he's able to have his own dreams, too.
It wouldn't happen easily, nor right away, but if they were stuck together on a little boat in the middle of nowhere surrounded by magical creatures they have to protect each other from in order to make it back home alive, then after they had one fight where they brought up all the things they silently agreed to never bring up again, it would probably happen many more times, and each time it would leave them both angrier at each other than ever, until eventually something honest slipped through amidst all the saying-anything-except-what-they-mean bickering. And once enough of these honest moments slipped through, then they would have a thread to tug on to start to unravel the gargantuan knot of their decades of unresolved conflicts.
And then, eventually, maybe Stan could learn that he can have a good friendship with his brother without needing to be glued to him at the hip, and Ford needing a certain amount of alone time doesn't mean he dislikes him or wants to abandon him, and Ford could learn that he can be honest and have a meaningful connection with someone without it driving them away and making them hate him.
#succumbed to the stan twins angst visions and wrote 2000 words about this#ford pines#ford meta#this turned into a character analysis that almost reads like a fic#godswriting#<- i need to change my writing tag to this#something bothers me a little bit about the solution to their conflict being 'ford appreciates stan more now so he is now fine with-#-boat adventures with stan'. to me it leaves the initial conflict of 'he doesnt want to do that anymore' unresolved#obviously you could easily argue that ford never stopped wanting to go on boat adventures with stan and he just couldnt justify it to-#-himself when compared to the opportunity at west coast tech. but that has one less layer of conflict#compared to the possibility that he truly was not interested in boat adventures anymore. ESPECIALLY if its a manifestation of him#feeling suffocated by the whole dynamic-twins-duo thing#its normal to start wanting a little bit more space especially at that age. to want to have space to figure out who you are#the healthy thing would have been them talking about it and figuring out a compromise. like 'when ford needs space he can spend a few hours#-alone without stan being worried the whole time that it means ford hates him' and 'we still spend x amount of time working on the boat and#-we still chat on the way to and from school every day and hang out at the beach on weekends'#like of fucking course it was never about hating stan or about wanting to get away from him because of who he is as a person!#he literally just wanted to have a little bit of breathing room to be his own separate person. he just didn't know how to put it into words#I really think the crux of it all was them not knowing how to navigate that balance between independence and identity while staying close#so ford misattributing/reducing that feeling to 'I dont have the exact same dream as stan anymore. why does he still have that dream. oh no#feels like a good way of giving that conflict a tangible aspect to it thats easy for the stans to point at and talk about as a way of-#-alluding to the REAL core of the conflict between them.#and of course the show never says 'they sail around the world for the rest of their lives 24/7' so it's not like it Actually Conflicts with#-my interpretation of the conflict and how it should be resolved. but since its the last thing we see happen between them when theyre given#their happy ending. I feel compelled to say 'hey I know them living in the shack together and traveling in a boat every single year sounds-#-really fun and like a satisfying ending but I think they should have a Little Bit more space from eachother than that. Hanging out almost-#-daily but not literally being in the same house and same boat for the rest of their lives. bc if stan was ok with ford asking for that-#-little bit of space and if ford didnt panic and isolate himself from everyone whenever he needs like one hour of alone time? that would-#-feel like a big piece of the puzzle fitting into place for their conflict resolution and growth as characters. to me#and I think they deserve to have all the tied-up-loose-ends and resolved-conflicts and character-growth in the world.
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current mood:
#it's about people who have gone through events that are uncannily similar but have dealt it both the events and the aftermath in#drastically different ways. one of them was surrounded by people who didn't look and sometimes didn't act the part but ultimately meant#only well and the other only had one person who cared about him near him and not even that person was in a good enough place to give him#that sort of empowerment‚ the strength to try and fight against impossible odds and an inescapable situation#and i've seen takes (don't remember where) that state that rai is ultimately so much stronger than v because he managed to free himself#from the shackles of his assigned fate whereas v 'failed' to do so but like... i believe that v is equally as strong for just... existing.#and maybe the world would've been better off if he had died as soon as he learned the truth but he lived because he wanted to see a better#world and believed that him being stripped of his identity was a small price to pay for a better world but what makes him even stronger in#my eyes is the fact that he KEPT LIVING even when he realized that there was no way to make things better from his position as much as he#wanted to and when he saw that everything was going to hell and that he was doomed to just... stay there and be trapped and be forced to#work for ideas that directly oppose his own#and DESPITE ALL OF IT‚ HE KEPT HIMSELF ALIVE (until nato called and said ''hey bibo if you don't respond to the allegations we will nuke#your house'' (referring to V's OH) and bibo just. did not answer. and threw v under the bus and let him die like he was nothing#like i need you to understand this man has the mental resolve of joy herself but you aren't ready for that talk#look point is i think that if they were to ever meet rai would initially not like v at all and couldn't exactly pinpoint why he doesn't#like him - he's polite‚ relatively kind‚ a bit sassy at times‚ and really quiet‚ which in a way mirrors his own mannerisms - so he has no#clue as to why he /doesn't like him at all/ (and of course rai being rai would be polite in turn but he'd never be earnestly amiable)#UNTIL one of them tries to start a conversation about more mundane topics like music or movies and as they exchange opinions rai realizes#that he really doesn't have to bother with the whole thing about resolve and determination to pursue your own goals and differences in#ideologies and that he can just talk to this guy as if he were one of his friends from nyc from back when life was relatively normal#(aka before big shell and when the memories of his past were artificially surpressed HMM PARALLELS YES)#in conclusion v is less anti-raiden and more the second coming of joy and also the two of them would (eventually) be friends and talk about#film and music. rai would absolutely DIG some of the 80's stuff v listens to. thank you for joining me on yet another episode of 'insanity#with fionna'#zeta gear tag#i wrote a lot here and i've made some good points so in the tag it goes
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#i will always be feral over this line because#is he lying? is he telling the truth?#and the answer is: yes#because before dick saved him tim clearly had no thoughts he was going to be saved#but after dick did save him well#clearly the fact that dick will always catch tim is a fundamental truth to tim#so he's both lying and telling the truth <3 (via @scintillyyy)
The other reason I think Red Robin 12 is a moment of trust between Tim and Dick is that Dick catches Tim.
Dick has a lot of issues with the concept of catching or failing to catch someone who is falling. It’s haunted his dreams.
(Nightwing #4)
It’s not so much the fall itself - Dick is fine with heights and with throwing himself off high places.
(Gotham Nights #10, Nightwing #140)
It’s about the fact he doesn’t make the catch.
One of my favourite bits of the Freefall storyline is Dick catching the Mother of Champions’ baby. Because it ties back to this fear of not getting there in time.
(Nightwing #6, Nightwing #146)
Nightwing catches the baby and is able to hand him to his mother. Wu Mei-Xin has never held any of her children before, it’s a lovely moment. It really caps off the growth Dick goes through over his solo.
(Nightwing #146)
And similarly, Dick being there to catch Tim is important imagery in their relationship.
Dick catches Tim when they’re playing around, train surfing:
(Nightwing #25)
Dick ‘catches’ Tim when he’s depressed. “You’re not catching me at a bad time”.
(Robin #156)
Dick is there to catch Tim as he falls apart after pouring out the water from the Lazarus pit.
(Nightwing #139)
And Dick is there to catch Tim as he falls from a building.
(Red Robin #12)
Dick’s grasp has never missed, when it’s Tim. It’s IMPORTANT to Dick that he make the catch for anyone, when they’re falling in front of him, but it’s especially important to him when it’s a child (and when it’s his baby brother).
Tim can honestly say to Dick “you’ll always be there for me” because a little part of him, deep inside, trusts that no matter what, no matter how impossible it might seem, Dick will be there to catch him.
#YEAH red robin is VERY intentional with imagery and callbacks and this is such a great moment ;_;#i think mmm how to put this#a lot of the subtext of red robin is about dick not catching tim / tim not having faith that he would#he isn't there for tim at the start of the story and he's initially pretty wary/reluctant in collision#but he comes through at the end and the end is what counts#and that's why i find it so satisfying#because dick's a character who's high-key obsessed with failure and with failing loved ones#and he very much /is/ failing tim at the start of the story in that he's not being the person tim needs him to be#but that's okay!! he can fail and it's okay!! because he does care and his heart is in the right place and he comes through in the end#so at the end of rr 12 he saves tim which is what tim needs#and tim tells him that he did everything perfectly which is what dick needs to hear#just like in resurrection when dick says all the wrong things first before he figures out the right thing to do#and - negativity alert but - i just find these sorts of stories so much more satisfying than the way taylor writes dick nowadays#where he's just chipperly incapable of any meaningful failure and wanders around being effortlessly perfect all the time#older comics let characters be bad at things and screw up and not say the right thing sometimes#and it makes the triumphant moments like the hug at the end of resurrection or the catch at the end of rr12 hit so much harder#and it's also!!!! thematic!!!! because it mimics the tension of the fall and then the catch!!!!#and dick and tim had lots of good stories like this that balanced both the tension and the love#and i really miss that for them#i feel like so much of this dawn-of-the-dcu stuff involves squashing dick into a very boring stepford-smiley figure#but like... i didn't get attached to dick because i wanted him to be a perfect plastic saint incapable of failure#i like him because he's relatable and tries hard and fails sometimes and keeps trying anyway#and the catches that he /does/ make are more important than the ones he misses <3
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annoying my friend every couple weeks by remembering something my ex did and texting "hey is this bad?"
yeah,, and the needing to ask is a bad sign too
#remembering how he let his friend make sex jokes about me#and got mad at me for being upset he didn't say anything to stop it#or how he told me before we dated he'd break it off if there wasn't sex#and that i needed to be the one to initiate because he 'didn't want to feel like he was pressuring me'#or how he acted like i made up how sick i was when i was toning it down so he wouldn't worry#or how he'd insist on driving everywhere and then complain about driving#not just 'man driving sucks' but full on 'my parents are really mad that i'm driving you everywhere#but gotta see each other somehow? it'd be nice if we could do something where i don't have to drive' after INSISTING#that he wanted to drive and that it was no problem#also he would do the ''(gets off) oops! i'm too tired now to do anything for you'' thing guys do#and lied that he was going to stay with me to try to fuck#well! can't date now! fucked me up
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i wish i could somehow (believe that i) live in a reality where interacting with me isn't going to destroy this boy's heart
#or mine 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#he wants a traditional relationship though#but he's like no but i still wanna see you#im like I'm never going to be what you REALLY want#but i don't think he has any context for what that means and what kind of torture it will be#and i don't know if i should let him have his lesson that he seems to really desperately want#like honestly i .. would? but i also risk getting hurt here#idk what to do#like i feel that i should kindly cut him off but uh. i don't want to.#like is this a lesson that i absolutely must have ?.. i can see the pain coming from 1000 miles away here#it's just that he's so cute and kind. and i really like his car.#LOL 😭#hes on vacation next week and he said he was thinking of going to Tartu and im like 👀👀👀👀👀#boy adventures#/ᐠ 🝦 ﻌ 🝦マ#u know one day he's gonna get a girl who's gonna want to do all the stuff he wants and she's Not Gonna Like Me.#and then i will be real sad. if he cuts me off for her im going to want to Kill Him.#y'all remember what i was like when that guy i didn't even really like that much (sorry.) betrayed me#like he was just kind of an asshole and a coward. it wasn't really personal#but having a guy pick someone else over me. happened once and i nearly died.#will it be better this time because i have experience with it?#or will it be worse because of the context#i think i need to identify them boys somehow. because there will be. more. and there's already 2 that i really got my eye on.#is numbering them bad? i think it would be fun but i think they would not like that lol they might think it's smth that it's not#i don't wanna use their initials either :/#ooo.. nicknames hehe#sweet boy#because he's so sweet i can hardly take it#he calls me “my love” 😭😭😭 like do you see what i mean about. all of this and how it will be torture#he says it's just a joke and he doesn't really mean it like that and im like..... sure dude .......
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i think i finally have a concept to replace one of my old OC concepts and believe it or not it actually came in a dream
#this is like. the third time this has happened#but this is the first time it's actually replaced something#i was planning on scrapping one of the iterations bc it didn't really fit enough for my liking and honestly. this one works better#it's a little more out there than the other iterations (as was the initial idea for it) but it fits better#plus i don't have to do a shit ton of worldbuilding because the second iteration was originally fantasy#meanwhile new-and-improved iteration two fits more with the world-building of the other iterations#plus it can kinda be considered a transition between the world of iteration 1 and the world of iterations 3-8#i just need a way for sayako to go insane in this one#i have no way to end iteration two on a solid basis because technically acanthus and sayako have to die and they have to die separately#acanthus isn't really that hard to come up with since i have his side of iteration 2 more solidified#but sayako is a little iffy#i want their reunion to be earlier than in other iterations. and the problem is that it seems similar to iteration 7#but it's not and it's not even inspired by it. just some things are similar#but like it's almost a completely different plot than the other iterations. iterations 3-5 still follow a similar plot#just with mild deviances. iteration 1 has a completely different plotline and iteration 2 will have a mildly different plotline#and also the other problem is that acanthus' death would really only work if sayako wasn't there. but they've reunited#i could do something like an escape. like sayako chooses to escape but acanthus is too afraid to. so she leaves him behind#but tbh that's like completely against her character. it would be more in line for her to sacrifice herself to let him go#and if she DID sacrifice herself it wouldn't lead to her death. she would just remain trapped#and acanthus wouldn't die either i mean he would be fucking depressed but he'd choose to continue on bc of sayako's sacrifice#if i had it so something happened to sayako (i.e. she dies) before any escape attempt then that would be too far in line with iteration 7#because the events would go down the exact same after that. except without sayako's weird little outward perception ability#WAIT. I COULD DO A WEIRD LITTLE HOMAGE TO ITERATION 1#AND GIVE SAYAKO HER PERCEPTION ABILITY#SHE THEN IS WEIRDED OUT BY THE WHOLE THING AND STARTS TO BECOME MORE AWARE OF HER SITUATION#FUCK. NO. THEN IT ENDS UP LIKE ITERATION 7. NAUR#MAYBE#I DON'T KNOW
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