#and that hurts me

[screechingfromthevoid]

"No time." "No time."

The acknowledgement of the fact that they might not have time. This is all just for a night because tomorrow may come but the next day may not.

Dorian's regrets at thinking about all the different choices and paths they could have taken. Him falling asleep to the idea of bargaining for more time. How this all could have been different.

Orym getting a vision from the wildmother, Will, getting that permission to live came so late. As Orym and Dorian are going off to do something impossible and deadly. That acknowledgement that there really is no time but that night.

If the world ends tomorrow, if they end tomorrow... It would be too soon. It wouldn't be fair. But none of this is fair, is it?

[notfreetoday]

MPW Ep 3 Subtitle Corrections

EP 1 || EP 2 Cultural/Language Tidbits: EP 2

Same translation disclaimer applies. Thanks again for indulging my crazy long t/n, please keep geeking out with me in the notes!

We've got a change of director this episode - to Funabiki Shinju (twitter linked here) who was the scriptwriter for Jack Frost. This date is also a drama-only episode and does not appear in the manga. So, we have quite a few ad-libs here! I'll point out these out, as well as any interesting comments by the director and the producer from the Ep 3 twitter space as we go on. (Due to tumblr's image space limitations, some of these scenes will have no pics, just a description)

Ep 3, let's go! (If you read nothing in this post, please just read Yoh's monologue)

Since this is the theme of this episode, and Yoh's favourite word, let's talk a little more about it. I've mentioned it previously, but both "嫌い (kirai)" and "大嫌い (dai kirai)" are often translated as "hate/really hate", when they really function more as the opposite of "(suki)", ie "to like". That said, the amount of emotional weight this word carries depends on the context. It can accurately convey the pain/anger of hating someone, but it can also be used very mildly. For eg, it's often used by kids in the "I hate homework/vegetables/the rain/etc" form, or by teens/young adults in the "I don't want everyone to hate me" form, as opposed to other synonyms. When introducing yourself/getting to know someone, it's not uncommon to be asked "what are your suki/kirai?"

In other words, overuse of this word can actually come off as slightly childish, because kids/young people are usually the ones using this word to reject small things/express themselves. Yoh's constant insistence that he hates Segasaki pretty much sounds like this - which is why Man-san expresses doubt about it, and why when Segasaki repeats this line back to Yoh, Yoh understands that Segasaki is teasing him. (The word "love" is considered too heavy and precious of a concept to be thrown around easily, so "suki" is the default go to even in committed relationships.)

Y: 相変わらずすごいよ、この人の外面モード。 Y: As always, this person's "public mode" is amazing.

"外面 (soto zura)" literally refers to the "outside face", and when used to describe a person means someone who puts up a certain personality/attitude depending on who they're speaking to/the situation.

The reason Yoh's saying this is because Segasaki is speaking to him in a much nicer way than he usually does at home 🤣He's using plain forms yes, but he's also praising him and smiling at him and actually saying a whole, proper sentence as opposed to the one-word sickness he has at home🤣 This is most obvious right before Segasaki leaves, when he warns Yoh to be careful when drawing other people - he says "気をつけてね~ (ki o tsukete ne~)", ending with a ne~ which is sweet and cute and which he almost never does with Yoh at home 🤣🤣

Twitter Space Note (TSN): They decided that since they finally got to shoot an "outdoor scene" for Yoh, they'd try to make him look a little more fashionable with a shirt instead of a hoodie 🤣

Y: いってらっしゃい Y: Itterasshai - this is a standard greeting that you say when someone is leaving the house (or the office, if they're going out on a business errand). Basically, the one leaving says "ittekimasu" and the one staying behind says "itterasshai". They mean "(I'll) go and come back/Go safely and return well" When returning, you say "tadaima" and the one welcoming you back says "okaerinasai" meaning: "(I have) just now (returned)/ (you have) returned safely". Unlike Yoh, Segasaki does none of these standard greetings (which Yoh complained about in Ep 1 whilst chopping onions).

Y: だからね、気持ちが通じ合った*っていう描写が必要だと思うんだよおれは Y: だからこそ、体が盛り上がる**、的な？ M: はーん。中高生処女みたいなこといってろ Original: Y: That's why I think it's necessary to depict the feeling of "mutual understanding" Y: That's how the physical aspect also gets exciting... or something like that? M: Hmm.. talking about it like a high school virgin, huh? Mine: Y: So that's why, I think it's important - showing that (the characters') have this unspoken understanding* of each other's feelings. Y: It's precisely because of that, that you get physically excited** - something like that? M: Mm.... you're saying things a high-school virgin would say **体が盛り上がる - literally, "the body gets excited/heated up/lively etc" - given that they are talking about erotica, he probably means physically aroused here, but this term also works to explain the feeling of excitement or emotion just swelling in your chest for eg *通じ合った - is not just "mutual understanding" - it specifically refers to a situation in which both parties understand each other without having to say a word - like when you look at someone and just get them, or like in sports, you just look at your team mate and you know.

This is an important distinction because in this line, Yoh again emphasizes "I" - at the end of the sentence he ends off with the pronoun "俺 (ore)" marked by the subject particle "は (wa)" - which means that in this sentence Yoh is emphasizing that this is his opinion - that he himself thinks it's important to show that 2 people simply get each other, because that's exactly what translates to that sensation you feel in your body. This is what Yoh wants - he wants to understand Segasaki, and he wants Segasaki to understand him, without them having to actually say anything. Which at the moment, only Segasaki is achieving, ironically.

[ Man-san's dialogue, where she says "a sex scene follows]

TSN: Man-san actually only says “se-“ here, and then mutes herself (because they’re in public). In the script, it was supposed to be the full “sex” word, but they weren't sure whether it would be ok (it's not clear whether they mean ok for the actress to say this or ok for the show in general) so in the end it became "se-". Yes it's an odd place to be concerned about given the whole Ep2 but #Japan

Again, the word here used is “kirai” but translated as “dislike” instead of hate 😉

TSN: Between this scene and the start of the next scene, they praised how Acchan uses his eyes to convey Yoh's dejection and how he expresses Yoh's emotions very sensitively through his gaze (and I agree!)

TSN: The director mentioned that she had thought it would look good if Segasaki to put his hand up like this on the ceiling partition, but the moment Kouhei walked in, he just did it naturally without her having to say anything, and so she was really amazed.

S: じゃ、出かけるぞ (Jya, dekakeru zo) S: Then, we’re going out.

“Let’s go out” would be more of "じゃ、でかけましょう (Jya, dekakemashou)" – by using the ending form “(-ma)shou”, the listener is included in the action of going out as an equal to the speaker, the same way “let’s” is used in English. It is by far the most common way Japanese people make a statement without trying to sound too overbearing. But here, Segasaki once again demonstrates his habit of simply stating what they’re going to do, and speaking for Yoh. The sentence-final particle “zo” at the end of his sentence is an assertive one that doesn’t leave much room for argument.

TSN: Again they talked about how they emphasised to Acchan to do the housework improperly, since Yoh isn't supposed to be good at it. Also, when Yoh thinks, "what's with this, all of a sudden?", the director asked that he move his hands "more" as he folded the clothes, like he was still happy to be asked out.

Y: デート自体ないんだよ Y: I’ve never even been on a date.

Y: 俺、いま一体何してんだろう Y: What am I even doing right now?

Yoh’s not wondering what they’re doing, he’s questioning his own actions, like "why am I even here, doing this, what am I supposed to do" etc, because you know, he's never even been on a date before and he has no clue whether this actually is one.

[The scene with the 2 of them on the bench, and Segasaki asks Yoh what he'd like to eat]

TSN: The script only went up to Yoh answering that he wanted to eat “Chinese food”, and this whole bit afterward just happened naturally when they let the camera run.

Yoh says “たっか(taka)!” which is short for “高い(takai)” aka “expensive!” but his voice is so cute here I’m dying. (It really is bloody expensive, these things are usually anywhere between 180 yen – 300 yen pre-pandemic. Even with the big one they have here, I don’t think anyone would sell this above 500 yen)

TSN: They said they searched for a 1200 yen steamed pork bun but couldn’t find one, and in actuality the store sells them at a really reasonable price, so to please go give it a try 🤣🤣

[The scene of them walking and sharing the chicken cutlet]

TSN: This scene, as well as them walking along they alley way looking at the shops, was mostly ad-libbed (which is probably why we see Acchan smiling so much here hahaha I’m guessing the question about which he liked better was probably an adlib, which surprised Acchan). For the alleyway, they were told that their conversation was not going to be used, so they were quite relaxed (and that explains the audio fade out lol)

[The scene of them drinking Boba/Bubble Tea]

About Gyaru - when Boba/Bubble Tea first came to Japan, it became pretty popular amongst Gyaru, and quickly became associated with Gyaru culture - hence why they both felt it was something only Gyaru drank. It's similar to the idea that only ladies eat sweets/desserts that was briefly mentioned in OFC (which makes Nozue feel awkward about 2 men eating cake in a dessert cafe) - here they mean they both felt too embarrassed to try Boba out before due to the idea that it's a "Gyaru" drink (and I love how Yoh looks at Segasaki then, like he only just realises that even Segasaki might get embarrassed/feel awkward sometimes).

S: 乗るぞ (noru zo)

Again, this is “we’re riding it” instead of “let’s”.

Y: 思ったよりすごく透明で Y: (The cabin) is more transparent than I thought

The floor of the cabin is actually clear, so you can see right down through to the bottom, which is why Yoh is a little freaked out here. Not because he thought glass wasn’t transparent.

TSN: Acchan is also afraid of heights, so the stiffness you see here is real, he really didn’t like it, but they went 4 rounds in total to finish this scene. (Kouhei apparently was fine and enjoyed looking right through the glass, though I can’t remember which interview this was mentioned in, sorry!)

S: ほら S: See?

ほら (hora) is commonly used to draw the listener’s attention to something, so here Segasaki really just means “look (I was right)”

TSN: They apparently redid the scene where Segasaki dismisses the store attendant many times so they could make sure it was done in a way that looked natural and wouldn’t be off-putting.

We’re back to one of Segasaki’s humming sounds – the “hmm…?” here again conveys the “oh, really/is that so?” sort of lazy drawl that can easily be mistaken as Segasaki being bored – which is why Yoh immediately suggests they go do their own thing.

Y: そっちも、好きなところいっていいから Y: You too, it’s okay (if you go) to the places you like so…

Yoh uses “そっち” here to refer to Segasaki - which literally means “your/that side” and is another way in which Yoh avoids addressing Segasaki directly (remember, in Japan we don’t like being direct, and “you” is sometimes too direct).

Fun fact: Depending on which part of Japan you’re in, this can either be seen as a totally normal way of speaking, or it might annoy you a little to be referred to as if you were an object/place, or you might feel like the speaker was treating you a little like an “outsider”. The divide in opinion seems to be somewhere between the northeast regions, and the western regions. Tokyo and the rest of the Kantou region (where the show is based, judging by the lack of an obvious accent) are sort of 50-50.

Y: もしあれ*だったら、あ、あの、こっちはこっちで、好きにやってるし Original: Y: Ah, if you want to. Well… we’re both doing our own things… Mine: Y: If (you feel) that way*, then, ah, umm, I can… do as I like, by myself too...

*that way - this refers to that sort of awkward, uncomfortable feeling you get that is hard to describe when you’ve been put on the spot. So, this makes it clear that Yoh is offering Segasaki an “out” from this uncomfortable, weird position he thinks Segasaki is in.

Similar to his earlier sentence, Yoh refers to himself as “こっち (this side)”, and the phrase he uses pretty much means “I can entertain myself”. This is an example of kizukai – or at least, what Yoh thinks is kizukai - which is a concept where you do your best to think of the other person’s needs and wants, so you can anticipate what help they might need and so you don’t inadvertently inconvenience them. Ok, now get ready for some mental gymnastics:

From Yoh's POV, Segasaki wants to buy clothes, and has brought Yoh along to carry the bags. Therefore, Segasaki’s offer to buy him a shirt, and asking him if he is having fun, is Segasaki’s kizukai – Segasaki is going out of his way to make sure Yoh is taken care of. But! Yoh doesn’t want Segasaki to feel inconvenienced (similar to how in EP 2, Yoh said he doesn’t want Segasaki to dislike him), so he instead almost reflexively rejects Segasaki’s offer, then encourages Segasaki to go enjoy himself, and in response to Segasaki’s “Ha!?”, doubles down and says he’s totally ok by himself - This is Yoh’s kizukai.

Tired yet? This is a normal consideration in daily interactions! You can see why the phrase “yokei na kizukai (excessive/unwanted kizukai)” also exists in Japanese lolol 🤣

S: ああ。せっかくの休日に、大嫌いな俺*と一緒にいてのはたのしくない？ Original: S: Ah. So spending a day with someone you hate on your precious day off isn’t enjoyable? Mine: S: Ah. On your precious day off, being together with me – who you hate* – isn’t fun?

*“大嫌いな俺 (dai kirai na ore)” is literally “the ‘me’ that you hate”, or “me who is hated by you” - emphasis on "me", the person standing right in front of you.

Y: いや、それは…違。。。あ、その。。。 Y: No, that’s…not-…- ah.. um…

“A, so” again.

S: 五時にここ集合*な (goji ni koko shuugou *na) S: We’ll meet here at 5, *yea?

*Ending with “na” is softer than “zo” – this statement is still pretty much an order, as with his other statements that ended with “zo”, but it’s gentler, and softens the fact that he’s walking away from Yoh here.

TSN: Pretty much everyone was just going on and on about “oh, poor thing!” in response to Segasaki getting rejected and chased away, and how even though he’s sad here he’s still sweet and gentle with Yoh. Yes, that’s right, everyone loves Segasaki.

[The scene of Yoh spilling water on his shirt]

TSN: This was apparently pretty difficult to shoot in a way the camera could see the water spilling, but the wardrobe team came to the rescue with hairdryers so they could keep reshooting 🤣🤣

S: じゃ、帰んぞ  (Jya, kaen zo) S: Then, we’re going back

“zo” is back! Sorry for being so pedantic about tiny things like this, but I do think it gives us insight into Segasaki's character and how he may be feeling.

This line is the most important correction in this post.

Y: 本当はさ、ずっと、ささいな表情とか、しぐさとか、 俺が言うこと聞くとちょっと嬉しそうにするのとか、 晴れの予報を告げる優しい声とか、 全部バカみたいに俺��っかり。 毎日俺ばっかり心臓大暴れさせてるみたいで　 嫌だった Y: むかつくとこ拾い集めて　大嫌いだって思ってないと　 その気持ちの不釣り合いに　息ができなくなってしまいそうで 嫌だった Y: 嫌いじゃない　嫌いじゃないよ Original: Y: Actually, all these times, your expressions, gestures, the way you look kind of happy when you listen to me, and your gentle voice forecasting good weather. All of them, make my heart beat as if it’s coming out. I don’t like it. Y: I gathered everything that annoyed me, thinking that if I didn’t, the imbalance of my feelings would suffocate me. I don’t like it. Y: I don’t hate you. I really don’t. Mine: Y: In truth, all this while, the little expressions you make, the gestures you do, the way you seem just that little bit happier when I listen to you, and the gentle voice with which you announce the sunny weather… All of that - like an idiot, it's just me who… It feels like it's just me whose heart has been made to pound and race wildly and - I didn't like that. Y: If I didn't gather up all the things that frustrated me and told myself "I hate this" then, the disparity (between us) in those feelings would suffocate me, making me feel like I could hardly breathe and - I didn't like that. Y: I don't hate you. I really don't hate you.

TSN: This was ad-libbed too. It just happened that the metal post was coming up in between them as they walked, and Acchan saw it and planned to go around it, because he felt that emotionally there was a gap forming between Yoh and Segasaki at this point. But right as he was about to do that, Kouhei grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him over, which Acchan was really surprised by, because they both had the same thought to ad-lib something about that post, and they both did it as their characters would do it, but it was the exact opposite action. The director said that when the 2 were walking back towards the start point they were both smiling a little, and then asked the director “how was that?” to which she replied “It’s really great!”, and then Acchan looked a little frustrated (in a sorta arrgh I got it wrong sort of way) whereas Kouhei was all “I was definitely right” (Acchan mentioned he was abit worried about the ad-lib, so I’m guessing they both were discussing as they walked back and finally decided to settle it by asking the director hahaha)

Y: すいません S: なにが Y: その。。。いろいろ S: だからなにが Original: Y: I’m sorry S: For what? Y: Well, for everything S: What do you mean? Mine: Y: I’m sorry S: About what? Y: That… for many things S: And (I said,), about what?

Yoh uses the formal "すいません (suimasen)" here, as opposed to his usual and more casual "gomen" or "gomen nasai", because this line is important to him, and he means it. "Sorry" in Japanese does not always carry the meaning of regret/remorse - it can be used to express gratitude as well. You''ll often here people say "Sorry that you had to (go through the trouble)" after they've accepted a gift, or "Sorry, I've caused you much trouble" as a way of thanking someone for their care. So, Yoh says "sorry" here after accepting Segasaki's gift, which could be seen as a thank you, but he also means he's sorry that he's like this, that he can't be honest/straightforward about his feelings (a theme that is brought up in Ep 4), that Segasaki has to care for him like this etc. "For many things" is a common way to encompass all of these mixed feelings, and yet not say them out directly.

Y: どうせ口じゃ、うまく言えないから Original: No matter what, I don’t dare say it Mine: Since I can't get the words out of my mouth properly anyway

S: よくできました (yoku dekimashita)

This is a formal way of saying “well done”, and if you did well in your work/test in elementary school you’d get a stamp that says just this, or your teacher would draw you a flower. The more elaborate the flower, the better you did. This is the only time thus far that Segasaki has said anything formal to Yoh at all. The sudden shift, and the imagery this phrase evokes – a literal stamp of approval – emphasises not just Segasaki’s approval, but also his role in Yoh’s life (ie, his role as Yoh’s provider, or well, maybe keeper is more accurate. Honestly Dom makes the most sense, but I’m not qualified to talk about that so see @lutawolf posts for more!). We’ll talk more about how both Segasaki and Yoh acknowledge the power dynamic between them in the way the speak in the language analysis post (that will come after this, before Ep 4's).

Y: この人、もしかして本当はめっちゃ俺のこと。。。？ Y: This person… could it be that he actually…really is… …me?

Y: 信じていい？ Y: Is it ok if I believe? sue me, I think believe and trust carry different nuances.

S: よかったな* (yokatta *na) S: シーツ買ったからいっぱいできんじゃん、大好きなセックス S: まあ　残念ながら　相手は大嫌いな俺**ですけど Original: S: Great, S: with more sheets, we can do it more often. Your beloved sex S: Well, unfortunately the other person is someone you hate Mine: S: Isn't this nice* S: Since you bought more sheets, we can do it a lot - the sex that you love so much S: Well, unfortunately, your partner is me - who you hate **so much

*The use of "na" here is slightly different from the one earlier - here it is used more for emphasis, and the downward tone carries a hint of mockery.

Again, Segasaki uses the same "the me who you hate" phrasing as he did earlier, emphasizing to Yoh once again that Segasaki is the one Yoh hates. Except here, he also ends off the sentence with "ですけど (desukedo)", and the whole phrasing of this line too, from the word "unfortunately" onwards, just feels business-like. As before, the shift in style gives the statement more weight- Segasaki is really not letting Yoh get away with this line here, and Yoh feels this acutely. The sharpness of the line makes him turn away abruptly in shock and even some anger.

S: お前が好きにしていいって言うんだから S: 好きにさせてもらうけど　*な (na)？ S: お前　本当バーカ Original: S: You told me to do as I like, S: then I’ll do what I want. Okay? S: You really are… an idiot Mine: S: You said I could do as I wish so, S: I'll gratefully do as I please... *yea? S: You're...really an idiot

*The "na" used here is similar to the one Segasaki used when telling Yoh to meet back at 5, in that it assumes the listener will agree with the speaker. This time it's not so much used to soften an imperative, but rather, to soften the teasing of the preceeding line - "I'll gratefully do as I please".

The phrase used here is "~させてもらう (~sasete morau)". "Sasete" means "to do" something, with the permission of the other person, and "morau" means "to receive (with thanks/gratefulness)" so together this phrase means that you're going to "do something (with the permission of the other person)", and you are thankful to have received that permission. It's usually used for things like asking your boss "May I please go home early with your kind permission" sorta thing, or telling someone that you "ate a meal someone provided for you that you are grateful for".

So here, Segasaki is pretty much saying "I'll do as I please since you so kindly told me I could, didn't you?" which is why he smirks as he says it.

/////

And we're finally done with EP 3!! Finally! Now I can finally talk about their general speech styles and what it means when they choose to switch between them. Thanks for joining me! Also, shout out to @eralkfang for tagging me in their meta post - I'm really glad these posts are helpful that way!!

[organisedbirds]

"then perhaps you should have been a better father to him"

JAMES FLINT WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL OF FUCK POSSESSED YOU?!!

[swiftsuburbanlegends]

Eddie honey, I know therapy is not free, but i think it's healthier than being involved with your dead wife's doppleganger.

[bug-of-d00m]

I’m so drunk and sad and miserable. I heard something I wasn’t supposed to hear and I cried so much because… I don’t know why

[cronchy-baguette]

I promise

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[wellensittich01]

Dick 9 times out of 10 failing to hide a severe injury from the rest of the batfam because without fail when he’s tired or drugged or generally not firing on all cylinders his native accent comes out as thick as the day he met Bruce.

- - -

Bruce: Dick come down for a check up I saw you take that hit for Tim.

Dick, halfway towards the cave exit and still going, in the quietest voice possible: im fine

Bruce: Say squirrel and you can leave.

Dick:

Bruce:

Jason:

Tim:

Damien:

Dick: …skweeerrehl.

Jason: Get him boys.

[tojbnuy]

boyfriend!toji who doesn’t know why but he feels this weird jealousy everytime he sees you meet your friends and greet them all with a big hug. you never did that with him. you relationship was still fairly new to the both of you, but you kissed you fucked you even held hands sometimes when walking around. but, what toji was now realizing, was that he wanted a hug. well, he wanted a hug from You. not a casual little hug, a hug. holding each other. he didn’t know how to broach the subject without sounding needy and like the complete opposite of how he usually acts. he had never cared about this kinda stuff with other people, he’d never experienced it growing up and he thought he could live without it. until you. until you showed him that wanting to be held was normal. he’d been thinking about it for a while until one night, as the two of you got ready for bed it simply slipped out.

‘how come you don’t hug me?’

immediately you stopped plaiting your hair and turned to him with a shocked look.

‘what?’

‘how come you don’t hug me? like when you see your friends or you say bye you hug them. you don’t hug me.’

as soon as he said it he felt stupid. a grown man like him, older than you and he was sat here asking for a fucking hug. what if you turned the question around and said ‘well you don’t hug me’ what would he say? that i’ve never done that before sorry i don’t know how? his thoughts came to a stop when he felt a small hand grab his own larger one.

‘i- toji im so sorry. i’m sorry i didn’t think that was something you wanted.’

fuck now he’s made you feel bad.

‘nah doll you don’t have to say sorry, its nothing let’s just go to bed’

‘no toji please. let’s talk about it.’

you lifted the blanket and made your way over to his side of the bed so you could sit face to face. everything about you was so soft, so kind. such a complete contrast to himself. he was panicking, he didn’t do stuff like this, never talked about stuff like this.

‘honestly toji, i really just thought you weren’t a touchy person. i’m sorry for just assuming especially considering everything you’ve been through,’

‘no please doll. i wasn’t trying to blame you for anything. i just’

his palms were actually sweating, but your face. god your darling sweet face, looking at him like he hung up the stars in sky. like every word out of his mouth meant the world to you. you would wait for him to get the words out no matter how long he took.

‘i don’t know to be honest. you’re right i’m not a touchy person i’ve never really hugged anyone. but i want that. with you. and im sorry, i should be the one to initiate it i just didn’t really know how doll.’ his voice was so quiet, just a rough whisper.

he looked up to stare into your glassy eyes when you leaned in and kissed him. a small whisper of a kiss.

‘can i hug you?’ you said with your lips pressed against his.

he knew you knew he would prefer not to dwell on it.

and then he wrapped his arms around your back so tightly like he was showing the universe just how bad he needed you. he pulled you into his lap and let his cheek fall to your shoulder. he felt your arms wrap around his neck and you fingers stroking the hairs at his nape.

neither of you spoke, you simply sat and held each other and made a silent promise to maintain the closeness from today onwards.

‘thank you for telling me toji. you big baby.’

‘yeah that’s enough. time for bed.’

your giggle was music to his ears.

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[hinamie]

to moving forward

[midnight-coffee94]

No single line has ever wrecked me as hard as this one from the Good Place and I think about it constantly

[candaru]

no no. you don't get it. the reason I injure my blorbos until they can't walk is because that's the only way they'll ever let someone else carry them. the reason I curse them to be sick and feverish is so that they'll finally open up about their emotions while delirious. the reason I force them to overexert themselves to the point of exhaustion is so that when they pass out they can finally rest.

I'm doing this for their own good.

[akashicrecord]

no offense but if your friend is trying out a new hobby be fucking nice to them

[mysillycomics]

[orioriko]

I can't draw birds but had this stuck in my head and had to draw it

Gravity fowls au by @wolfythewitch, but there was no blubs and durland so I allowed myself to draw then as ducks