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killerqueenys · 6 years ago

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just one more drink||roger taylor x reader||part one

Warning(s): alcoholism

Word count: 2,291

A/N: Hello sooo this is my first go at writing anything so any constructive criticism/notes are appreciated! I’m also really new to tumblr so I have no clue how it works but I’ll be figuring it out along the way I suppose. This is more of a preview of what the story’s gonna be about but I just decided to call it part one since I wrote like over 2k words. Sorry for any spelling mistakes/grammatical errors! If this does well, I’m thinking about writing more and maybe taking requests idkkkk. Anyways, enjoy!

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You did it for the thrill. Sure, the fame and special treatment was a nice plus (okay, a REALLY nice plus) but that’s not why you did it.

Being able to do what you loved for a living was satisfying in every way imaginable. Everything that you had dreamed of as a child became reality about a year ago. A few of your friends had started up a band and it shot up to international success shortly after you joined. The success of it all wasn’t a surprise, your music was amazing and creative (there were a few journalists who would wildly disagree which was to be expected of course). But how fast the fame and fortune hit was a little shocking.

As you sang with emotion into the microphone that hovered next to your crash, you hit out the last beat with a newfound energy. That was the end. That was the final song of the final show of your first international tour.

The lights cut as you tried to catch your breath. Standing, with adrenaline still coursing through your body, you ran up to the front of the stage to meet the three boys you had just spent seven months with on tour. The spotlight shined bright upon the four of you. With sweaty arms wrapped around one another, you took three big bows as the crowed roared. The sound of all the cheering was deafening but you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Running around the stage with the boys, you threw your drumsticks into the crowd. Okay maybe you shouldn’t have done that. Those were quite expensive. But maybe it didn’t matter. All of your shows had sold out after all. You’d be able to afford new ones and pay the rent on time for the first time since you had moved in.

“Thank you and goodnight!” your frontman shouts into the crowd.

Insisting on keeping your adrenaline up, you run backstage where there’s a raging party and loads of free alcohol. Soon, one drink turned to two which turned to four. Maybe there was a fifth? Or a sixth? You had lost count a long time ago. You were completely drunk. Stumbling through the crowd, you bumped into a man and spilled your drink, stepping back as it just narrowly missed your shoes.

“What the fu-” you stopped as you looked up and realized who it was that had just run into you. “Woahh! You’re Freddie Mercury,” you exclaimed absentmindedly. You hadn’t meant to show your excitement so openly but that last drink you’d had was really starting to mess with your head.

“Y/N darling! You were absolutely brilliant out there!” Freddie complimented.

“Thank you so much! That’s a huge honour coming from you, Mr.Mercury!” you managed to say with a half-conscious mind. That last drink really wasn’t going to let you off easily.

“Oh please, you don’t need to use those silly formalities just call me Freddie. Actually, I was talking to your manager just now about a possible collaboration between our bands. I absolutely love your work!” he said with adoration in his tone.

“That’d be amazing! I’m completely obsessed with Queen right now and in fact I’m freaking out a little right now because you’re Freddie Mercury and you’re right here in front of me and you’re telling me that you like our work,” you rambled on. Damn that fifth drink. “Sorry, think I’ve had one too many drinks. Anyways, I’ll be sure to talk to the boys about it. I guarantee you that they’ll be just as excited as I am.”

With that, you say your farewells and head back towards the party. Sure, you didn’t have all those groupies following you around like the guy had, but there were some cute guys around that you were sure wanted an in with the band. As you walk towards the noise, someone runs past you, knocking you backwards when they brush your shoulder. To a sober person, it would’ve been nothing but you definitely weren’t sober.

“Okay ouch that hurt…” you complained after being knocked back onto your ass. Looking up you saw your band’s bassist with two groupies in hand, no doubt heading to the dressing rooms for a bit of fun.

“Oh my god Y/N are you okay?” Lucas asked while reaching out a hand for you to grab. “You look absolutely shit-faced. Please don’t tell me you’re going back for more.”

“I’m fine...just lost my balance is all,” you slurred as you struggled to stand. “Just one more drink I swear.”

“No. No way Y/N. I’m gonna go call a cab to take you home.” Lucas scolded with annoyance in his voice. Pulling you up, he left his groupies behind and practically dragged you outside where the air was cold and unforgiving. Your teeth chattered and you shivered. It didn’t sober you up much but it definitely did make you more alert. “Y/N...you promised that this wouldn’t happen anymore.” Lucas said as he put his jacket around your shoulders.

He didn’t sound condescending at all. Just really...concerned. And he had a reason to be. You had promised that you’d work on your drinking habits but you always found yourself back at the bar.

“I’m sorry.” you whispered so quietly that it was almost inaudible. Not knowing what else to say, the two of you sat on the curb in silence. It was unbearable. You knew that you’d promised a thousand times that you’d work on it but you also knew that you had broken that promise just as many times as you made it.

“Look...you know I love you. You’re like my little sister and that’s why i need to tell you that this has to stop. For real this time.” he said, breaking the silence.

“I promise I’ll work on it. For real this time.” you vow sincerely as the cab rounded the corner.

“742 bluewhisp avenue please.” Lucas tells the driver as you practically collapse into the back seat. “I’m gonna head back inside. You gonna be all right?” he asked through the back window.

“Yeah. Think I’ll just go home and sleep this off,” you mumbled. “Hey and...thanks. You know, for always looking out for me?”

“‘Course. That’s what best friends are for,” he smiled sadly. “Make sure to drink some water when you get home.”

As you lay in the back seat on the way to your little apartment, you can’t help but think about how lucky you were to have such people that cared so much about your wellbeing. Thoughts of your little group that had turned into your family filled your mind as you dozed off. You didn’t want to think about where you’d be without them.

-----

The next morning you woke up to the screech of your ringing telephone from the kitchen. The all-too-familiar pain of a hangover began to take effect.

“Alright, alright I’m coming!” you yelled as you sped towards the wall, desperate to stop the awful noise.

“Hello?” you spoke into the phone while reaching up towards the cabinet for some painkillers for the pounding in your head.

“Y/N! Great you’re up!”

It was your manager.

“Yeah well now I am.” you said as you rolled your eyes, clearly annoyed that he had called you at such an early hour.

“Sorry Y/N but things are about to get a lot worse for you. We need you down at the studio in 15.”

“Are you kidding me?” you sighed, your head still pounding. “Fine. Give me 30 and I’ll be there.”

-----

You walked into the studio with dark sunglasses to block out the harsh studio lights that you knew would be a pain to deal with while you were still dealing with a killer hangover.

“Jesus Dan what’s so important that you needed us all here at bloody eight in the morning right after a big tour. Couldn’t we have pushed this back at least another da-” you paused upon rounding the corner and seeing who was sat on the couch.

Freddie Mercury, John Deacon, and Brian May were all sitting right in front of you with questioning eyes.

“Okay nevermind, I’d say that this is pretty important.” you admitted and sat in the chair next to the couch where some of your biggest inspirations sat.

“Now we’re just waiting for Rog as always,” Brian shook his head.

Although you were grateful and ecstatic to be in the presence of the musical icons that you had looked up to since the beginning of their careers, you were still confused as to why they were here in the first place. Just as you were about to ask, the phone went off. You held your head as the sound echoed until Hendrix, your guitarist, unhooked it from the wall.

“Hello?” he spoke.

“Hey it’s Roger. Taylor. Sorry but I’m gonna be a little later than I thought.”

“It’s Roger. Do one of you guys want to take it?” he asked and Freddie took the phone out of his grasp.

“Rog we’ve been waiting almost an hour already! Get your shit together and GET OVER HERE!” Freddie demanded and then slammed the phone back into place.

“Well there’s no point in waiting up for him even more. We’ll just catch him up once he gets here.” John spoke up.

“Actually that’s what I was wondering. Why exactly are you guys here? I mean--of course I’m not complaining but I’m just a little bit confused.” you questioned.

“Darling, I spoke to you about this last night! Although...you were completely drunk,” Freddie reminded you.

“Oh my god, the collaboration? But isn’t this too soon? Guys we JUST finished our tour. Last night in fact!” you spoke to your band.

“Yeah but we haven’t really worked on a big music project like this in so long, Y/N. Hell, we haven’t even worked on ANY new music. Plus, we’ll need to keep making more as soon as possible if we want to stay relevant on the charts and in the news.” Carter, your lead singer explained.

You nodded in agreement when you realized that you would most definitely get bored at home doing nothing if you didn’t have anything to work on. It would drive you insane to go from playing your heart out on stage every night to sitting around watching the television play reruns of some cartoon.

“Okay so what’s the plan?” you asked your manager who was silently chatting with Queen’s own manager.

“Well, we were thinking about taking this a different way,” their manager started. “Instead of all working together in a big group, we were thinking that we’d break you all up into sections by your role in the band. So, Freddie would work with Carter, Brian with Hendrix, Deaky with Lucas, and once Roger gets here he’d work with Y/N. Then once you’ve all come up with something, everyone will work together on the lyrics and such. You guys could make something really unique with an approach like this.”

You had to admit that it was an interesting approach to songwriting. On one hand, the music could come out messy without a flow considering that each of you would be working in pairs away from the rest of your band members. On the other hand, everyone would be able to focus on just one thing and make it the best that it can possibly be. It was a 50/50 chance.

Suddenly, the door flew open. And there he was. Roger Taylor. Drummer of Queen. Much like you, he walked in with his signature pair of sunglasses.

“Look who finally decided to show up! And only after two hours of us waiting around!” Brian called out to Roger, sarcasm thick in his voice.

“Oh come off it, I’m here now and that’s all that matters,” Roger replied. “So, what are we doing?”

After your managers had explained (again) how your collaboration was going to work, you split off into your pairs, eager to get to playing. You had already thought of a million ideas since the moment you stepped into the studio doors.

“Alright so I just thought of a little beat while they were talking,” you told Roger as you took a seat behind your drumset. You drummed the beat with energy and passion, keeping the tempo up perfectly. “So, what do you think?”

“I hate it.”

“Excuse me?” you asked taken aback by how blunt he was being.

“You heard me. That was absolute rubbish!” he laughed mockingly.

“Well then, I’d like to see you do better.” you stood and offered your drumsticks to him. After taking the drumsticks, he played one of the most generic beats that you had ever heard.

“You’re joking right?” you chuckled just as he had done to you earlier. “That was such a basic drum beat! Heard it a million times!”

“Well it was better than whatever crap you just played!”

“Was it really? Think about it again and tell me with a serious face that it was better.” you retorted. Just as Roger was about to argue, Lucas burst through the door.

“Hey we’re all gonna head out for lunch. You guys coming?”

As the eight of you walk towards the small restaurant around the corner, you can’t help but wonder if Roger Taylor would be this way through the entire collaboration. You wanted to have a good time and make music with a band you were such a huge fan of but it seemed that Roger wasn’t a very big fan of you. Maybe what they say is true. You should never meet your heroes.

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A/N: So?? What do you think? I was really nervous to post this but I’m really glad that I did because writing this was so much fun! Again, any notes or reblogs are appreciated!

#roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor x y/n #roger taylor fanfiction #roger taylor smut #roger taylor #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy x y/n #ben hardy fanfiction #ben hardy smut #ben hardy #ben hardy!roger x reader #queen imagine #borhap imagine #just one more drink #queen #borhap #bohemian rhapsody

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mrsrcbinscn · 4 years ago

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Franny’s 30 Day Cover Challenge

Playlist

Franny’s 30 Day Cover Song Challenge: (categories are mostly from here, and here, with some from here, and a couple I made) in September 2020 one of her musician friends challenged her to do the thing and she was like “It seems like a fun way to show everyone what kind of music has influenced me as a musician, singer, songwriter, and just like, person. So I’m going to do it.”

In reality, she recorded most of them in 1-2 days to distract her from how sad she is because Wilbur hates her and he’s sad lmao

It helped a little.

(If you want me to drop the playlist she mentions in #24 let me know, I have it started I can finish it)

TW: mentions of Franny’s political beliefs so tw: politics, an allusion to suicide though the word isn’t directly used, mention of 9/11 and the subsequent invasions...nothing graphic with any of these triggers but worth a forewarning

Day 01 - A song that makes you happy

Honey Spiders by The Parlotones

“The Parlotones are this fantastic indie rock band out of South Africa. And I actually thought about doing their song, uh, Stars Fall Down for day sixteen, but I’m going with Honey Spiders for day 1. There were lots of Parlotones songs, I mean. Push Me to The Floor, We Call This Dancing, Should We Fight Back...but ah, Honey Spiders always puts me in a good mood.”

Day 02 - A song that helps you clear your head

Light of a Clear Blue Morning by Dolly Parton

“I grew up on Dolly, and it’s funny because for the longest time this song wasn’t really on my radar as much as it is now. But when I was twenty-two I was going through something really difficult, and my then-fiance now husband was abroad for work, so I was alone in our apartment and just. Really, profoundly sad and lonely. So I put on a Dolly Parton record and just laid on the bed and Light Of A Clear Blue Morning played and I had a good long cry and felt so much better after that. When I need to think about how to solve a difficult problem, or I feel overwhelmed, I just listen to that song.”

Day 03 - Song you love from a band/artist you hate

Should’ve Been A Cowboy by Toby Keith

“Honestly, he’s called me a nasty lady to my face and I’ve called him a facist enabling pig to his, so I have no qualms openly saying I hate Toby Keith. That being said, Should’ve Been A Cowboy is one of the best country songs of the 90s, undeniably. I loved that song when it came out when I was thirteen, and I still love it.”

Day 04 - A song about drugs or alcohol

Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss

“This is probably cheating, because my lovely best friend Daniel and I cover this a lot at Dara & Danny shows. But today look who I have! My friend Max from Seoul Hanoi’d! Max the Korean Scot who can’t hide his accent to save his life, so let’s see how it sounds in a Scottish accent.”

Day 05 - A protest song

Talking Vietnam Blues by Phil Ochs /// and Here’s to The State of Mississippi by Phil Ochs

“This one was hard because I. Fucking. Love. Protest music. I could have done a whole 30 days of protest music - wow, let me know if I should do that and give my husband a heart attack with all the twitter threats I’ll invite. Huh. Right, so I was going to do Your Flag Decal Won’t Get You Into Heaven by John Prine. But I decided to do two Phil Ochs songs because I don’t think Phil Ochs is talked about enough. It’s a shame we lost him so young. Ochs’ sardonic humor and honesty in his writing has influenced me as a songwriter deeply. When I write political songs, I don’t hold back, and it’s because of Phil Ochs’ writing that I have that courage. I’ve been singing Love Me, I’m A Liberal since I was in college with constantly updating lyrics. It was so hard to even choose which songs of his to do because for his fairly short career his songbook is lengthy and full of gems. I’m Going to Say It Now, Draft Dodger Rag, Spanish Civil War Song, I Ain’t Marching Anymore...I couldn’t pick one so I’m cheating and recording two.”

Day 06 - A song you wish you wrote

When I Think About Cheatin’ by Gretchen Wilson

“I will forever be pissed off that I didn’t write this song. I’m absolute trash for my husband, so it’s never -- I’ve never had to be in a situation to ever consider -- but this song gets me every time. It feels like I could have written it. Because we do spend a lot of time apart travelling for our work. And the sentiment expressed in the song is a little too real.”

Day 07 - A song in a language you don’t speak

Khattar by Khine Htoo

“This will either be a charming attempt to sing in Burmese or I’m about to offend a lot of people. Which, being a politically outspoken woman on the internet, I’m used to anyway. So. 1, 2, 3, okay here goes.”

Day 08 - A song by an artist no longer living

Phop Samnang by Sinn Sisamouth (inspiration)

“Haha, you thought I’d see the name of this category and not do a Sinn Sisamouth song? You were wrong.”

Day 09 - A song you want to dance to at your wedding

Devoted To You by The Everly Brothers

“I’m already married, so this was actually our first dance song at our wedding. Day three of our wedding, like the more Westernized wedding ceremony day. We had a three day long traditional Cambodian wedding and I felt like a princess. An-y-way!”

Day 10 - A song that makes you cry

Borrowed Rooms and Old Wood Floor by Emily Scott Robinson

“Unfortunately, Emily Scott Robinson and I aren’t related. Sad, I know, because she’s so talented. Almost her entire album Traveling Mercies is...sad as hell. The record reminded me of early Dolly Parton, and my second solo album. You know, all those sad-ass songs. The Dress is honestly the song that makes me the saddest but I can’t even listen to it without crying so.”

Day 11 - A song that you love hearing live

Prove My Love by Violent Femmes

“There is nobody I have seen in concert more than Dolly Parton, but Violent Femmes and George Strait come incredibly close. The Cranberries, the amount of times I saw them in the 90s and early 2000s...close fourth. Probably. The very first concert I dragged my husband to was a Violent Femmes concert, he was not prepared for how hard college me went.”

Day 12 - A song from before 1960

There Ain’t No Sweet Man That’s Worth The Salt of My Tears by Libby Holman

“This song is from 1928. I came across it when I was in grad school and it’s, as the kids say, a bop.”

Day 13 - A song you think everybody should listen to

White Man’s World by Jason Isbell

“I think perspectives of people of color should of course take precedence in these conversations. But I find this song to be a good faith attempt of a white man coming to terms with the institutional racism and sexism in the world around him. And I think this song can be a useful tool to explain certain concepts of racial justice to ignorant but well-meaning folks. As a woman of color I think Jason Isbell did a great job not centering himself even though it was from his perspective. This song is great musically and necessary socially.”

Day 14 - A song from the 1970s

You’re No Good by Linda Ronstadt

“Linda Ronstadt is grossly underrated, that’s all I have to say here.”

Day 15 - A song people wouldn’t expect you to like

Racists by Anti-flag

“I mean, I’ve talked about how much I like punk in the past, and I remember a video of Seoul Hanoi’d doing Spanish Bombs at a San Antonio show made the rounds, but I don’t think I’ve talked about how much I like Anti-flag. People don’t expect me to like punk for some reason. But I agree with...everything punk music is all about.”

Day 16 - A song that holds a lot of meaning to you

Blue by LeAnn Rimes

“It’s silly, but I won a county fair singing competition with this song in high school and it really fueled my passion for music, that win. It’s also the first song Cornelius heard me go full Georgia on, with the yodels and all, at the little bar in my hometown on his first trip meeting my parents. The song doesn’t cut to my very soul ot anythin’, but it’s special to me.”

Day 17 - A song attached to a memory

Supernova by Liz Phair

“I remember buying Liz Phair’s Whip-smart album when I was eleven. And in college, when I was getting ready for dates with Cornelius in my dorm room, I would dance around to a CD I burned and wrote on it with a sharpie, ‘Pre-date Movie Scene Music.’ God, what was even on there? I’m about to expose myself as the most basic 1999-2001 bitch. I remember Head Over Feet, I mean, Alanis Morisette? I was a young woman in 2000, obviously I loved her. Mm, Dreams by The Cranberries...oh, Kiss Me, Sixpence None The Richer...yeah, anyway, Supernova was on there.”

Day 18 - A song from the year you were born

Call Me by Blondie

“...I can’t believe Call Me is as old as I am.”

Day 19 - A song that reminds you of someone you miss

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing (yes, of course she does a cover with banjo)

“This was my late best friend Molly’s favorite hymn. And I sang it at her funeral at her husband’s request. Molly and I grew up together in the small town of Payne Lake, Georgia and Molly was the most devout Christian...but she was also the first person I came out to as bisexual when I was a teenager, and she said that Jesus taught her that love was the greatest commandment and that meant I was automatically twice as good at it as her. Her faith guided her every action but she never talked down on her two best friends - Dan(iel Maitland) and I for not sharing it. Molly was doing the whole emulate Jesus thing beautifully. I miss her every day and it’s been seven years. If you ever think that people won’t miss you...you’re wrong. All right, let’s see if I can get through this without crying.”

Day 20 - A song by an artist you discovered this year

Hello, Anxiety by Phum Viphurit

“I just discovered this quirky Thai-Kiwi singer and not to be dramatic, but he’s my favorite thing in the world right now.”

Day 21 - A song with a city or country in the title

Oh! Phnom Penh (track 20)

“This song was written after the fall of the Khmer Rouge, and after people began to make their way to what was left of their homes, alone, or with what was left of their families. If you want to learn more about what that was like to actually live it, my cousin Reena Boran has a video interviewing her parents and paternal grandfather and uncle about it. Reena is a journalism student currently studying in London but she lives in Cambodia. Her mother is my aunt Malisruot, my mother’s youngest sister. The video is English subtitled on her channel, I’ll link it in the description box below.”

Day 22 - A song from the 1960s

To Sir, With Love by Lulu

“I didn’t actually discover this song until I heard it covered at a 10,000 Maniacs concert in the 90s. My friend Allison was standing next to me and I just started crying and she’s like ‘are you okay?’ and all I just blubbered out ‘My dad!’ For the uninitiated, my dad married my mom, who’d raised me alone until then, when I was six and he adopted me when I was eight. My dad didn’t have to adopt me, he didn’t have to call me his daughter, he could have just been like half of my friends’ stepdads and give me a place to live and nothing else. But my dad was my biggest supporter from day one. He convinced my mom to let me join the dance team and show choir instead of science club, he was the one that talked my mom down from probably killing me when they found out I was only studying music and not music and political science at NYU. I am who I am today because he is my dad. And this song just says everything I’ve always thought about him.”

Day 23 - A song from your childhood

Una Lacrima Sul Viso by Bobby Solo

“But Franny, aren’t you a Cambodian raised in the US? Yes, but you were fooled. My very white father is also an immigrant. He is from Switzerland and while he didn’t teach me to speak Italian and German growing up, he played German, Italian, and French records all the time. My parents often spoke to each other in French and I picked up some French but properly studied it starting in high school, and I didn’t study Italian until college -- and my German is still …. [points to a spot on the screen where she later inserted a card linking to a video on her cousin Köbi Framagucci’s YouTube channel titled ‘Can My American Cousin Speak German?’ where he tests her Standard and Swiss German speaking and comprehension]. But hell if I couldn’t sing every one of the songs from my father’s French, German, and Italian record before I knew what the words even meant.”

Day 24 - A song that gives you chill vibes

Glorify by Ivan & Alyosha

“Dan(iel Maitland) and I actually have an entire playlist on my Spotify accounts of songs to listen to to get us out of writers’ block. And one that I often will put on repeat and just absorb through my headphones with my eyes closed is a song called Glorify by Ivan & Alyosha. I think it touches on a lot of the themes I include in my songwriting. Christian mythology, the darker side of humanity, it often reminds me of what I love about songwriting. If you say please I might drop a link to that playlist.”

Day 25 - A song that’s your signature song

Long Gone Lonesome Blues by Hank Williams“Right, so I chose this instead of a Kitty Wells song or I Get A Kick Out of You (her being

featured on a 2005

recording propelled her career majorly) because if you’re familiar with me you might have seen a video that went around in like….2017? 2016? of Dan(iel Maitland) and I doin’ the song at our hometown bar in 2014. I posted it in response to some tweets because hoes mad when a WOC calls out racism and sexism in the Nashville music industry. ‘Bet she don’t even know Hank’, really? You think I wouldn’t know the history of one of the two music industries I work in? Please. Anyway, she knows Hank and nails the incredibly technical yodel -- the

most difficult

one in Hank’s songbook - in Long Gone Lonesome Blues. Mm...Lovesick Blues though, that also strikes fear into my heart. Anyway stay mad I guess?”

Day 26 - A song by your favorite band

Gun Shy by 10,000 Maniacs

“10,000 Maniacs was one of my favorite bands when I was in like 5th grade through 10th. I listened to them for a little while after Natalie Merchant left for a solo career, but the Natalie Merchant era was really what resonated with me the most. Gun Shy was a bit too advanced for my little 5th, 7th grade ears to really appreciate when I first discovered the album In My Tribe. Merchant’s voice -- because like, I don’t have a very conventional voice either, so her and Dolores O’Riordan really changed my entire perspective on what a woman’s voice can sound like in rock music. Um, yeah, so her voice more than the lyrics just wowed me. And as I got closer to graduating high school and especially in college I actually understood what What’s The Matter Here, Hey Jack Kerouac, and Gun Shy were talking about. Gun Shy...really became a significant song to me because...being born in 1980 I grew up in a relatively peaceful time. The Cold War was all but thawed by my tenth birthday. But I was getting ready to leave my then-boyfriend-now-husband’s apartment for class at NYU on the morning of 9/11. We stood in line for hours to donate blood. And then my government invaded two completely unrelated countries and jingoism and terrifying, fervent nationalism, and xenophobia just smacked me in the face. And friends of mine from high school were convicted to drop out of college and join the Army, and died, for an unjust, imperialist war, and suddenly Phil Ochs, John Prine, and Bob Dylan lyrics hit a lot different, and I understood what Gun Shy was really about.”

Day 27 - A song you hate by an artist you love

Mrs.Robinson by Simon & Garfunkel

“Paul Simon is one of my favorite songwriters ever, um, and I actually used to like Mrs. Robinson….until I got married and everyone sang it at me. It’s kind of my fault, I did choose to take my husband’s last name. And I leaned into it by making my social media handles all Mrs. Robinson...but still. Only play the song around me if you want to die.”

Day 28 - A song that a younger you would have loved

Mean by Taylor Swift

“I’m so genuinely glad that I am older than Taylor Swift. Middle school Franny did not need Taylor Swift to enable me and fuel my ego. Some of her singles, while not really 35 and 40 year old Franny’s cup of tea, young me would have played until my mother hid the record or cassette from me. Although - fuck if Tim McGraw didn’t immediately give my happily married ass flashbacks to my first love and make me bawl like a baby? Right, so when Speak Now came out and I listened to it, Mean, while not a song that adult me has listened to maybe more like ten times, I immediately thought ‘wow, I needed this song when I was in middle and high school.’ I could literally picture 7th grade me with my little guitar and my little cowboy boots my dad bought for me singing this at the talent show making eye contact with the kids who bullied me as if it was some kind of own when it’s not. I could still, almost thirty years later, name them if I really wanted. So, for 7th grade me, Mean by Taylor Swift.”

Day 29- A song that reminds you of your partner/spouse

ផាត់ជាយបណ្តូលចិត្ / Phat Cheay Bon'dol Chet by Sinn Sisamuth (translation) (female singer covering it) (modern, studio recording of a male and female singer dueting it) (a cool violin cover) (another female singer) (cool guitar cover)

Feat. some members of Seoul Hanoi’d. Andy Chaiyaporn (violin), Max Cho (piano), Jodie Batbayar (cello), Aisulu Niyazova-Li (percussion) and Franny has her guitar

“The song, lyrically, only reminds me of my husband a little bit. But Phat Cheay Bondol Chet has several memories with my husband attached to it. The first time he heard me sing in Khmer was at my mother’s house in Atlanta when I had him visit the first time to meet my parents. My mom had a little dinner party at our house to show him off, like Asian moms do when they think their daughter snags a good one, and I was hand washing the dishes while my mom and the other Cambodian parents were listening to Sinn Sisamuth records. I’ve always loved the song I’ll be showing y’all today, like I’ve always just stopped what I was doing and -- so it came on and I just started singing along without really being aware of it. And then at a different diaspora get together that summer, that song came on and I just kinda. Pulled him aside to the side yard of that person’s house to look at the stars with him and translated the song. It’s one of the Khmer songs he instantly recognizes now, so it’s special.”

Franny did NOT say in the video that college her 100% had him sit in the grass with her outside that person’s house, where nobody could see, so she could makeout with him

Day 30- A song by one of your favorite songwriters

Reincarnation by Roger Miller

Feat. Seoul Hanoi’d, done more in the style of the Cake cover

Also instead of singing the lyric “you’re a girl, I’m a boy” she goes “you’re a girl, so am I” because she doesn’t ever change pronouns, she just makes it gay because she is a bi-con

“Roger Miller, to me, is as important as Dolly Parton, Paul Simon, Bob Dylan, in the American songbook. He’s not as talked about which is a shame because his discography is iconic. Getting to be a part of King of The Road was one of the highlights of my career.”

#&&...hc

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allthephils · 7 years ago

Text

Repose

Rated M (angst, sleeping beauty au, mentions of sex, adult themes

Word count: 2626/42677

Read on AO3

Chapter 15

The drive to Windsor castle felt something like the first time Louise drove Phil there. Fear and uncertainty had brought tension then but now it was magnified. Now, Phil knew what was at stake. He also knew he wasn’t wanted there and that he may have a fight ahead of him much more daunting than the fight to get in had been. Phil has never been much of a fighter, always more likely to walk away, turn the other cheek. Now he hoped against hope for a fight because a fight meant Dan was ok, that there’s something to fight for. The alternative was unthinkable. His stomach turned when he thought of how easily he had let Dan get away all those years ago. Everything could have been different if he had simply had the courage to speak up, say the words, hold on tighter. That wasn’t a mistake he was going to make again. He had let himself consider the worst case scenario, he’d fallen apart, gotten it out of his system, and now he was going to stand up and be what Dan needed him to be.

Walking up the path to the castle gate, the scene was so different from the first time. There was a small group of protesters and an even smaller gaggle of women waiting on the lawn. A large steel grate had been pulled closed at the gate that lead to the entrance to Dan’s operating theatre and there was only one guard standing in the center of the walk. It was obvious the excitement had passed, the royal family had succeeded at appeasing the public.

Phil and Louise walked in the grass toward the protesters, hoping the single guard wouldn’t notice Phil. The idea that he could be seen as a threat was ridiculous but Phil couldn’t imagine the stories Walter must be telling. Phil had to be careful. He didn’t want to risk being carted away before he was able to see Dan. Cautiously, Louise approached the gate with Phil a few feet behind. Inside, near the door that would lead to the Prince, stood Dennis.

Louise ran back to Phil, whisper shouting, “It’s that guard, the one you know. Phil, he must be ok. Why would they guard an empty room? He must still be in there.”

“He’s still in there, I feel it. But that doesn’t mean he’s ok.” Phil said, his eyes searching for some comfort in Louise’s hopeful expression. “I’m going to go talk to him. Stay close.”

Phil’s hands gripped the bars of the steel grate that stood between him and what he now realized was his future. Dennis look up and sighed heavily, scrubbing his hands over his face in frustration. He walked to Phil and spoke, low enough so that no one else could hear.

“Phil. Buddy, you know my hands are tied here. There’s nothing I can do. Prince Walter would put me away for treason. He’s been very clear.”

“Did you deliver that box, Dennis?” Phil asked. Dennis said nothing but returned to his post by the door. “Tell Walter I’m here, Dennis. Let me see him. We can work something out.”

Dennis stared forward, unflinching. “You don’t want to see Walter, Phil. Trust me, you don’t.”

“Tell me he’s ok, Dennis. Or at least tell me he’s alive.” Phil was starting to panic.

Dennis said, “he’s alive,” and cast a sideways glance at Phil that sent a chill up his spine.

“Oh my god. I need to see him. Dennis please.”

Dennis’ brow creased, he shifted on his feet and swallowed, struggling to maintain the role he played in spite of the vulnerability Phil brought. Nothing was more frightening than seeing concern on Dennis’ face. Phil turned to Louise and she rushed over.

“Louise, are you logged in to my Instagram?”

“I am.”

“Ok, we’re gonna do this. 15 seconds at a time.” His heart beat out of his chest.

Louise’s eyes grew wide and she held the hand of her best friend in the world. “Philip, are you absolutely one hundred percent sure about this? Have you thought through all the consequences?”

“Yes I am and no I haven’t. There’s no more time, Lou. You ready?” Phil stood, his back to the gate and Louise held up the phone. She pointed to Phil and he began.

“Hey guys. I’ve got some really important news to share and not a lot of time. I’m going to need your help. You guys were right about some things so yeah, good job figuring it out I guess. First of all, I’m gay. Yay.” Phil held his hands up and shimmied them just as Louise held up her hand to stop. He looked back at Dennis who just stood, looking forward, pretending not to notice what was going on right in front of him.

“OK it’s up, that’ll bring em in.” Louise shook her head and held the phone up again. “Keep going.”

“I know I’ve been a little MIA these days and that none of you were fooled by my cryptic tweets. I have been at Windsor Castle. With Dan, Prince Daniel. And yes, I’m in love with him.”

Louise held up a hand again and jumped up and down a little bit as she hit the button to post the story. For the third time, she held the phone up. Phil was sweating, he heaved in a breath.

“He’s been doing much better since I’ve been here but now our future king and the man I love is in real jeopardy because his father, Prince Walter, has decided I am no longer welcome.”

Once more, stop, post, deep breath, go.

“So I’m hoping you guys could help me out. Maybe if we get enough of you here, they’ll at least let me speak to someone. I don’t know if it will work but I have to try. We can’t just do nothing. He needs us. If you’re anywhere near Windsor castle, please.”

Louise put her phone away and walked to Phil, hugging him close. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I don’t know, Lou. I just outed the future king of England. I think I’m fucked.”

____________________________________________________________________________

Phil leaned on the counter, happily munching tiny marshmallows as he watched his mum bake. He missed Dan, more than he’d ever missed anything, but he was happy to be with his family. The last time he was here, he would have called it home. Even with his own London apartment, home was always wherever his family was. That was all different now. Now, home was wherever Dan was. His little apartment felt warm and safe and perfect when Dan was there. Still, he was glad to be chatting with his mum, getting all the latest gossip on the Lesters. A cousin got engaged, an aunt needed to have gall bladder surgery, and uncle Frederic’s exotic pet collection has gotten him in trouble. His wife has promised to leave him if he brings home one more reptile or hissing cockroach.

Phil heard the front door open, the cold air rushing in and chilling the house all the way to the kitchen. Martin and Cornelia shuffled in together, pulling off coats, and hugging Nigel before making their way to the kitchen to get the big affection form Catherine. Phil waited his turn, smiling around cheeks stuffed with sweets. Finally, Martin came over and punched him in the arm before pulling him into a hug.

“Where the hell have you been? I feel like I have to watch your videos just to see my little brother!” Martin admonished lovingly.

“Ug, You sound like Louise. I’ve just been busy.” Phil stood away from the counter and moved toward Cornelia, who opened her arms and hugged Phil just like a big sister would.

“Hello Phil. You look well! How have you been?” She asked as she pulled him in.

“I’m really good, Corn.” Phil said, quietly while still in the embrace. Cornelia had a way of softening Phil, breaking down any barriers he might have. She pulled away, hands on Phil’s shoulders, and looked him in the eye. She grinned and cocked her head a bit.

“Hmm.”

“What?” Phil said, already blushing.

“You look different.” Cornelia said, plainly. “You are positively glowing.”

Phil laughed nervously and looked at the ground. “I’m just rosy from the cold.”

“Bullshit.” Cornelia smiled wide and kissed Phil’s nose, leaving behind a spot of lipstick.

Catherine grabbed a dish towel and wiped at the spot without missing a beat. “You do look happy, love. And healthy. Glowing is a perfect way to describe it.”

Phil felt like he was being ganged up on by the sweetest mob who ever lived.

Martyn had plopped down at the kitchen table and was eating a biscuit from a plate at the center. He looked at Phil intently. “I know what’s up. He’s getting some.” He kept eating through his smirk and Phil groaned, turning away to busy himself making tea for everyone. He wanted to run away but he knew they’d just follow him. The Lesters are a relentless bunch.

“Oh Martyn.” Catherine shook her head. “Be nice.” She slid the pan of cakes into the oven, and wiped her hands on her apron. “Though I was wondering…”

Cornelia’s musical laughter gave Phil a moment to think, to muster up his courage.

“Ok, yeah, I’ve been seeing someone. Someone I really like.” Phil was on the verge of giggling but he fought to suppress that impulse.

Cornelia beamed, “Aw Philly. Look at you! I’m so happy for you!”

Phil’s mum took her cup of tea and sat at the table so now they all sat, staring at Phil, his judge and jury, sipping their tea in a perfect metaphor. They wanted details.

“What’s her name?” Catherine asked, her tone genuinely kind and curious.

Martyn rolled his eyes. “Mum, Come on, Phil hasn’t a girlfriend since before Uni.”

“Sorry, sorry. It’s habit. What’s his name? Tell me about this boy who’s captured my son’s heart.”

Phil smiled, she always knew how to make him feel accepted, even when she screwed up.

“It’s ok, mum. His name is…” Phil hesitated, not sure how to answer that question. He breathed deep, took a sip of tea, and answered, “Dan, his name is Dan.”

“Ooh!” Catherine cried. “Like Prince Daniel. Is he as handsome as the Prince?”

“More so.” Phil said. It was true. His Dan, the Dan he held and kissed and laughed with and loved, was far more beautiful than his public persona. Prince Daniel was just a facade but Dan was real, so very real. “It’s a little scary though.” He sat down with the rest of them, grabbing a biscuit to dunk into his tea.

“That’s my cue.” Martyn stood up fisting a handful of treats and went to talk with Nigel about Football or the weather or something that made him less uncomfortable than what was about to go down in the kitchen.

“Coward.” Cornelia called after him.

“I don’t deny that!” Martyn called back.

Cornelia reached across the table to squeeze Phil’s hand. “Why is it scary, Phil?”

“I just like him so much. We just met in September. And he’s only 18, we’re so young, you know? But I feel like, I don’t know.” Phil was looking down into his tea but he raised his eyes to catch his mother’s, needing to read what she might be thinking. “I love him, mum. I loved him from the moment I kissed him. It was only our second date. Is that stupid? Is that crazy?” Phil chewed on his cuticle, nervous, afraid the answer would be yes, it’s stupid and crazy and immature. Pull yourself together Phil.

“Phil, love is never stupid.” Cornelia said, “And any love worth having is crazy at the beginning.” She sat back and sipped, ready to soak in whatever Catherine was about to say. Catherine did not disappoint.

“Cornelia’s right. God, your father and I were insatiable when we met. From the very start, I couldn’t keep my hands off of him.”

“Woah, mum, gross.”

“Sorry, sorry. My point is, sometimes you just know. And it feels too fast and too much but it’s not up to you. Love just comes and you have to be brave enough to grab on and hold it.”

“I haven’t said it yet. He has, but I’ve sort of avoided it.” Phil sighed, “Do you think I should tell him?”

Catherine put another biscuit in front of Phil. “I think you should tell him when you are sure and it’s bursting out of you. When your heart is beating so loud, you can’t think of any other words, that’s when you should tell him.”

Cornelia asked, “When did Nigel tell you?”

“I think it was our third date.”

“And you said it back?” Cornelia said, in awe.

“Oh lord no! I thought he was off his rocker.” Catherine laughed heartily. “But I did say it eventually, months later.”

“Poor Dad.” Phil paused and took a deep breath. “I’m scared if I let myself love him, he’ll go off to Uni and then, I don’t know.”

“Sweetheart, trust me. Love is painful whether it lasts 2 weeks or 2 decades. That’s why you have to be brave. Ask yourself if the fear you feel is worth not having him in your life. Would you rather just lose him now so you don’t have to lose him later?”

“No. No, mum, I can't lose him now. It hurts to even think that.”

“It sounds like you already know the answer, Phil.” Cornelia said. “I just want to know if he is worthy of my Philly. Are you happy when you’re with him?”

“So happy.”

“Does he treat you with kindness and respect?”

“Yes Corn, of course.”

“And does he make your toes curl?” Cornelia slurped her tea, glancing up at Phil over her cup. Catherine laughed and stood to clear up as Phil crumbled, covering his face with his hands. He peaked through his fingers at Cornelia, knowing his mum was looking the other way, and nodded. She held her tea up in a mock toast and giggled.

“You know what I always say, Phil.” Catherine interjected. “If he keeps you warm, then he’s a keeper.”

“Isn’t that for picking out a coat?”

“It applies here too, dear.” Catherine went back to baking and Phil sat in happy silence with Cornelia. Some of the weight had lifted, he felt understood, supported. The weight that remained was uncertainty in what the future held. Phil’s mum is a wise woman though and he knew that. He promised himself he’d tell Dan he loved him when they got home. In reality, he knew he’d made it clear but he also knew that those words matter.

Slipping into a sugar coma, Phil excused himself to have a quick lay down before dinner. Really, he just wanted to text Dan in private, though he realized he probably wouldn’t get a response.

Phil: Hey. I miss you already. My family says I’m glowing. It’s because of you. I hope you get to spend lots of time with Adrian and eat all the mince pies. Come to think of it, maybe you could smuggle a few out for me.

Dan: Phil! I miss you already too. I’ll start hoarding mince pies immediately.

Phil: Yay!

Dan: If you text during the day, I might not be able to respond.

Phil: I know, I get it

Dan: But please text anyway. I need to know you are out there. And that you are mine.

Phil: Ok, I will. And I am.

Dan: I have to go join everyone for tea. I love you.

#phanfic #phan #phanfiction #Sleeping Beauty AU #wip

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davidmann95 · 7 years ago

Note

What's your Marvel Starter Pack?

My Marvel knowledge isn’t nearly as extensive as what I have for DC, so this’ll be scaled back to 12 books from the 15 I had there (nevermind Superman and Batman’s own personal lists). Additionally, since Marvel’s even more about Right Now than DC, nothing here is earlier than the turn of the century; a lot of my older recommended reading is by my dad’s suggestion since he had plenty of firsthand experience with the Silver and Bronze ages. Also worth noting that my Marvel tastes don’t exactly fall in line with the general sensibilities of Tumblr or fandom at large - I’m not a big X-Men guy, for instance - so your results may vary. But anyway, again, if you’re following me but new to actually collecting comics and wondering what to look into to gauge your interests, I’ve got plenty for you.

1. Daredevil by Mark Waid

What it’s about: Blinded as a child pushing an old man out of the path of an oncoming truck transporting radioactive waste, Matt Murdock grew up to become a lawyer, encouraged by his pugilist father Battlin’ Jack Murdock not to rely on his fists as he had throughout life. But when Jack was murdered for refusing to throw a fight, Matt was forced to rely on the talents he had developed in secret under his sensei Stick - the same isotopes that took away his sight boosted his remaining four to superhuman levels, as well as granting him a 360° awareness of his surroundings he termed his ‘radar sense’ - to find justice for his father and those like him, becoming the vigilante Daredevil. Now, after a crimefighting career marked by agony, loss, and an increasingly deteriorating psyche, his identity has been unofficially exposed by the tabloid press…but attempting to turn around both his life and his mental health, Matt’s chosen to try and re-embrace the good in both his daytime career and in the thrill of his adventures as the Man Without Fear.

Why you should read it: Aside from being in my opinion the most influential superhero comic of the decade, Mark Waid’s tenure on Daredevil is the complete package of superhero comics. Energizing, gorgeous, accessible, character-driven, innovative, and bold, it’s a platonic ideal of Good Superhero Comics, and most especially Good Marvel Superhero Comics, and as such there’s little better place to start.

Further recommendations if you liked it: Shockingly, few modern Marvel titles seem to operate on a similar frequency to this run, even among those that clearly wouldn’t have existed without it; of those I don’t mention in one capacity or another below, the only modern books that leap out to me as being of a similar breed are Roger Langridge and Chris Samnee’s (the latter ending up the primary artist on Waid’s Daredevil) tragically cut short Thor: The Mighty Avenger, Dan Slott and Mike Allred’s Silver Surfer, and Al Ewing’s Contest of Champions. Given the classic mood it evokes, you might also be interested in some of Marvel’s older stuff in general - as probably most conveniently packaged in the Essential volumes - as well as the more recent Marvel Adventures line of all-ages titles. For hornhead himself, most of his classic work tends to operate in a pitch-black noir mood that much of Waid’s run is meant to contrast; if you want to delve into it, go to Frank Miller’s run (primarily Born Again), then Brian Bendis’s followed by Ed Brubaker’s and, following Waid, Chip Zdarsky’s (the Charles Soule run in the middle seems largely forgettable).

2. Marvels

What: Following the career of photojournalist Phil Sheldon - beginning in World War II with the rise of the likes of the Human Torch, Namor, and Captain America, and forward into the reemergence of superheroes with the Fantastic Four - Marvels shows what the battles that define a world look like to the helpless spectators, from the controversy surrounding mysterious vigilantes such as Spider-Man, the fear of the “mutant menace” represented by the X-Men, and the terror when the planet is first truly threatened at the hands of Galactus.

Why: As well as being one of Marvel’s best and most defining works period - this is Kurt Busiek and Alex Ross’s coming out party as two of the most significant names in the genre, and it articulates Marvel’s avowed “it’s the world outside your window!” philosophy better than perhaps any other title - Marvel is ruled by history and continuity in a way DC isn’t. The latter may have reboots to contend with, but Marvel has a much more upfront and consistently significant timeline of what happened when and what’s important, and if you’re going to have to immerse yourself in that ridiculous lore, there’s no more fulfilling way of getting an injection of pure backstory than this.

Recommendations: There’s a follow-up by Busiek, Roger Stern and Jay Anacleto titled Marvels: Eye of the Camera; I haven’t read it yet myself, but given the pedigree involved I can’t imagine it’s anything less than entirely solid. For other Major Marvel Events, the defining one of the 21st century is Mark Millar and Steve McNiven’s Civil War, which set a tone that still reverberates through the line; also worth checking out the recent Marvel Legacy oneshot, which seems to be laying the groundwork for things to come. Speaking of setting a tone, while it’s not directly ‘relevant’ continuity-wise, Millar also worked with Bryan Hitch on Ultimates 1 & 2, which proved to be the aesthetic model for the current wave of Marvel movies and added plenty of ideas that have been extensively mined since. History of the Marvel Universe by Mark Waid and Javier Rodriguez fits its title and is absolutely worth a library checkout, but is mainly a rote checklist elevated by all-timer artwork.

3. Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie’s Young Avengers

What: The heroes of the group once known as the ‘Young Avengers’ have gone their separate ways, each trying to figure things out on the cusp of adulthood. But when Wiccan’s attempt at helping his boyfriend goes horribly wrong - mixed in with a pint-sized god of mischief’s machinations, an interdimensional bruiser’s attempts at routing him, and non-Hawkguy Hawkeye’s extraterrestrial hookup - the gang’s forced back together again and on the run before old age literally swallows them whole.

Why: Here’s the bummer truth, daddy-o: I am not, in the common parlance, down with the hep cats, at least as far as gateway young-readers Marvel books go. I flipped through Runaways and wasn’t compelled to pick it up; I kept on with Ms. Marvel for a couple years but always on the edge of falling out of my monthly pile. Unless it’s truly next-level spectacular or heart-pouring-out sincere, gimme superfolks routing fiendish plots and going on trippy adventures any day over a bunch of sad kids in tights figuring out adolescence all over again: Spidey already did it first and better, and when emotionally-down-to-Earth superhero comics do get me fired up it’s usually set a little later on in life (even when I was the target audience for this sort of thing). But fire it through Gillen/McKelvie laser neon sexytime pop, and suddenly you’re in business. Slick, smart, raw, and wild, this was the best comic of 2013, and’ll certainly go down as one of the best superhero titles of this decade, Marvel as the Cool Kids of superherodom dialed up to 11.

Recommendations: Nothing else quite like this out there - the closest in feeling is Grant Morrison and J.G. Jones’ excellent original Marvel Boy miniseries, though that’s more about becoming a 20-something out in the world in the sense of wanting to burn it all down to the ground - but as I said, Runaways and Ms. Marvel do generally appeal to the same audience (and to be clear, I did like the latter just fine), as do the original Young Avengers run and Avengers Academy. Personally, I checked out and liked Avengers Arena, where all the fun teen heroes got forced into Hunger Gamsing each other on a murder island run by Arcade, followed up by them breaking bad in Avengers Undercover - please note that I’m like one of the three people on Earth who liked this book as opposed to ravenously despising it, which probably has in part do to with my lack of prior attachment to the characters involved. Also, important to note that this book is in the middle of a thematic Loki trilogy, preceded by Gillen’s Journey Into Mystery (which I haven’t read but don’t for a second doubt the quality of), and completed by Al Ewing and Lee Garbett’s truly magnificent Loki: Agent of Asgard; also worth noting that these books, and really modern Loki as a whole, are deeply rooted in Robert Rodi and Esad Ribic’s Thor & Loki: Blood Brothers. And for perfect entry books, I don’t think there’s much of anything better out there, especially for young readers, than Ryan North and Erica Henderson’s The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl, one of Marvel’s most consistently high-quality ongoings of the last several years.

4. Hawkeye: My Life As A Weapon

What: Clint Barton, aka Hawkeye, aka Hawkguy, is the Avenger who’s Just A Dude. No super-steroids and vita-rays, no magic hammer or Pym particles, a distinct lack of multi-billion dollar armor or immortality serum. Dude has a bow and arrow, and while he is very, very good with that bow and arrow, he still gets his ass kicked a frankly disproportionate amount relative to his teammates. Between meeting a dog, buying a car, and hanging out with friends - even if each incident goes significantly more wrong that they would for anyone other than Clint Barton, with non-Hawkguy Hawkeye Kate Bishop typically along for the ride - this is what he gets up to when he’s not helping save the world.

Why: Gonna show my heresy again: I’m not actually over the moon about Fraction/Aja’s Hawkeye past the first arc. But that first arc? Man oh man oh man, are they about as good as Marvel gets. This is absolute next-level storytelling on every front, with Aja and Pulido pulling out all the stops and Fraction - who by all accounts thinks more about the process of how comics work than anyone else in the field - just pouring heart and style all over the thing. It’s as tight and energetic as comics get, and the perfect introduction to Marvel’s street-level corner.

Recommendations: Aside from the rest of this run, there’s the recent Hawkeye (starring the non-Hawkguy Hawkeye Kate Bishop) by Kelly Thompson and Leonardo Romero, and there’s a generous helping of Hawkguy in Ales Kot and Michael Walsh’s Secret Avengers, a book as tight and out-of-the-box and oddly joyous in its own way as this. If you’re looking for other Marvel material that gets this explicitly experimental and afield of the house style, go for Jim Steranko’s much-loved work with Nick Fury. And for the other, considerably grimmer side of the street, aside from the Daredevil stuff I mentioned above, check out anything and everything you can get your hands on from Garth Ennis’s work with the Punisher, along with Greg Rucka’s and Jason Aaron’s.

5. Moon Knight: From The Dead

EDIT: This list was written prior to allegations made against Warren Ellis. It’s your money, but while I’d still recommend checking the book out of the library - the quality of the work isn’t going to change now that it’s out there in the universe - if you’re looking to pad your bookshelf I might recommend skipping to some of the books suggested below in its place.

What: Marc Spector was a mercenary until the day he died, betrayed in the desert before an Egyptian temple by his comrades…and then he kept going. No one knows for sure whether the truth is what his doctors have to say - that sharing his head with the likes of Steven Grant and Jake Lockley is a manifestation of DID, and he’s a profoundly sick man - or his own interpretation - that his fragile human personality buckled and shattered before the immensity when dying by its temple, he bowed his head at death’s door to the moon god Khonshu and let it seize his soul. Whatever the truth, he now knows his purpose: to defend travelers by night from whatever horrors would cross their path.

Why: There’s no story as such to be told here; Ellis and Shalvey simply show six adventures over six issues that establish Moon Knight and the scope of what he’s capable of when handled properly, ranging from straightforward detective work to psychedelic journeys through a rotting dream to a jaw-dropping issue-long fight scene. Marvel has a proud history of material skewing slightly to the left of the rest of their output, tonally and conceptually, and this is your ideal gateway to Weird Marvel.

Recommendations: For the further adventures of Moon Knight, by recommendation would be Max Bemis and Jacen Burrows’ current volume, which is following up on the seeds Ellis and Shalvey laid down quite satisfactorily, with a few twists of their own on top. Ellis himself used Moon Knight before this in his run on Secret Avengers with a number of different artists, which was very much a precursor to his work above in its high-concept done-in-one style; also check out his book Nextwave with Stuart Immonen, which is as out there as it gets for Marvel and also the best comic ever. Delving into Marvel’s spooky side, if this did anything at all for you absolutely get all of Al Ewing and Joe Bennett’s massively and rightfully acclaimed The Immortal Hulk (and if you’re looking for more something more traditional with the Green Goliath, Mark Waid’s The Indestructible Hulk is a hoot). If you really want to go to ground zero of Weird Marvel, you’re in the market for Steve Gerber’s work, primarily Defenders and his own creation Howard the Duck (who had another very entertaining via Chip Zdarsky and Joe Quinones recently worth checking out). Another notably out-there character worth checking out is She-Hulk, particularly in Dan Slott’s run and Charles Soule/Javier Pulido’s. Two more figures existing on Marvel’s weirder end are Doctor Strange - whose ‘classic’ work would as I understand it be Steve Englehart and Frank Brunner’s run, and who’s worth checking out more recently in Brian K. Vaughan and Marcos Martin’s miniseries The Oath, Jason Aaron and Chris Bachalo’s run, and Donny Cates and Gabriel Hernandez Walta’s - and the Inhumans - while contemporary attempts to push them have been a failure, there have been excellent individual successes in Ellis, Gerardo Zaffino, and Roland Boschi’s Karnak, Al Ewing and company’s Royals, and Saladin Ahmed and Christian Ward’s Black Bolt. And I’d be remiss in the extreme not to bring up Gabriel Walta and Tom King’s Vision, which I don’t want to give anything away of, but has a serious claim to being the best thing Marvel’s ever published.

6. Ultimate Spider-Man by Bendis & Bagley

What: When bitten by a genetically mutated spider Peter Parker thought he could use his newfound powers to make a quick buck, and come on, you already know this.

Why: This is the foundational modern Spider-Man. The first arc’s aged a little wonky in bits as Bendis was trying to make late-90s/early-00s Teen Slang work, but by and large, Brian Bendis and Mark Bagley’s original 111-issue tenure on Ultimate Spider-Man reimagining his early years was pound-for-pound one of Marvel’s all-time most engaging, exciting, dramatic, and authentic long-term runs. This is the template for every movie (especially Homecoming) and TV show he’s had in the last decade, a sizable part of what got me into comics in the first place, and one of the company’s most reliable perennials. You want to get onboard with maybe the most popular superhero in the world, you do it here.

Recommendations: With the remainder of the list I’m getting into more character/concept-specific reccs, and for other great Spider-Man, your best bet truly is the classic early material by Stan Lee, Steve Ditko, and John Romita as collected in the Essential volumes, which has aged unbelievably well compared to its contemporaries; Bendis’s post-Bagley material just doesn’t hold up, even with the introduction of fan-favorite Miles Morales. For other ‘classics’, your best bests are Spider-Man: Blue, and by my understanding the runs of Roger Stern and J.M. DeMatteis, particularly the latters’ Kraven’s Last Hunt. For the modern stuff, Chip Zdarksy’s current Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man is just getting better and better, I’ve heard very good things about Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane, I personally enjoyed Mark Millar and (at his peak) JMS’s runs, and while most agree Dan Slott’s soon-concluding decade-long tenure on the character has outstayed its welcome, he’s also turned in some stone-cold classics like No One Dies and Spider-Man/Human Torch, as well as other entertaining work such as the original Renew Your Vows and Superior Spider-Man. Most recently, Chip Zdarsky’s work with the character in The Spectacular Spider-Man and the high-concept out-of-continuity miniseries Spider-Man: Life Story are some of Mr. Parker’s all-time best, while Tom Taylor’s Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man is a charming relatively small-scale superhero adventure book, and Saladin Ahmed and Javier Garron’s Miles Morales: Spider-Man is easily the best possible introduction to that guy.

7. Thor: God of Thunder Vol. 1

What: Though Thor, the god of thunder and mighty Avenger, has faced limitless threats to even divine life and limb over his many millennia, only one figure has ever truly frightened him. Now, as he discovers a serial killer of deities is loose in the cosmos, he must turn to his past and future alike in order to survive the coming of the God-Butcher.

Why: The pick on this list most directly relevant to those coming in from the movies right now, I’m afraid that while a bit of this was plucked for Ragnarok, this isn’t remotely on the same wavelength. This is black metal death opera screamed through the megaphone of wild space-spanning superheroics, and not only is it the best Thor comic, it’s the perfect introduction to Marvel’s cosmic side.

Recommendations: Along with the Loki books I namechecked above, the defining run on Thor (though the rest of his continuing work there is also very much worth checking out) is Walter Simonson, which laid down a lot of the fundamentals of the character as he exists today; along with that and the rest of Aaron’s run, my understanding is that Lee/Kirby’s original run holds up very well. For more satisfying fight comics, I’d also suggest World War Hulk, and I hear Marvel’s early Conan comics were standouts. On the cosmic end, I know the Guardians of the Galaxy are where it’s at these days; they sprang to life in their current incarnation in the much-loved Annihilation, and while I haven’t been reading their current Gerry Duggan/Aaron Kuder run, it’s well-liked and probably a good place to drop on, as would be the recent Chip Zdarsky/Kris Anka Starlord, and I’d personally recommend Al Ewing and Adam Gorhan’s Rocket. Beyond them, Jonathan Hickman’s comics are where it’s really at, from his Fantastic Four to S.H.I.E.L.D. to Ultimates to Avengers/New Avengers to the big finale to his overarching story in Secret Wars; it’s a complicated reading order to figure out, but oh-so-worth it.

8. Iron Man: Extremis

What: Faced with the horrors of his amoral past and the questions of a future coming quicker than he can manage, Tony Stark faces his most dangerous enemy yet when experimental post-human body modification tech is let loose into the world and lands in the hands of a white supremacist terrorist cell.

Why: More than anything other than Robert Downey Jr. smirking and quipping, this story is the definitive model for the modern Iron Man, taking a C-lister most notable for dealing with alcoholism decades earlier and hanging out on the B-list team in the Avengers (at least until 2012), and redefining his personality, aesthetic, and role in the 21st century as a man who might be smart enough to save the world if he can ever pull together enough to somehow save himself from his own compromises and weaknesses. The road to this guy becoming a household name is paved here.

Recommendations: Prior to this, his biggest stories were Demon in a Bottle, showing his first reckoning with his alcohol abuse, and Denny O’Neil’s 40-issue run introducing Obadiah Stane and showing Stark’s darkest hour as he sinks completely into his illness. Post-Ellis, the big run is Matt Fraction and Salvador Larroca, which seizes both on the ideas here and the momentum granted by his Hollywood debut to cement his status as an A-lister; after that check out Kieron Gillen’s, which is not only a fun big-idea series in its own right but paves the way for Al Ewing’s spinoff Fatal Frontier, easily one of Iron Man’s best and most overlooked titles. Finally, while it was derided in its own time (that it was a spinoff of an event that turned him evil but the comic never especially explained the circumstances didn’t help), Superior Iron Man is also worth a look as a horrifying contrast to the rest of these.

9. Captain America: Man Out Of Time

What: A sickly young man who volunteered to participate in an experimental super-soldier program to serve his country in World War II, Steve Rogers became Captain America and protected the world from the Nazis with unimaginable courage and distinction, until the day he died disarming a drone plane rigged to blow aimed at America’s shores. He was honored throughout history…until the day he was found alive by the Avengers, frozen in the Atlantic and ready to emerge into the lights of the 21st century when needed most. Most people know that story. This is the story of what happened next.

Why: The search for the definitive statement on Captain America is one that’s driven his character for decades: after all, handling him doesn’t just mean talking about one man’s character, but the character of a nation. Successes are typically qualified, but one of the more successful creators in the pool is Mark Waid, who’s up to his fourth time at bat with Steve right now on the main book. His own most notable effort however is here, showing Rogers’ earliest days post-iceberg as he adjusts to living in what is to him the far-flung future, seeing the ways the nation has both surpassed his wildest dreams and fallen short of his humblest expectations, leaving him in the end to make the choice of whether this is truly the world he wants to defend.

Recommendations: As I mentioned, Waid’s had a few times up at bat with Captain America, and while he initial 90s stints might not be ideal for new readers for a number of reasons, his current run with frequent partner Chris Samnee is a solid crowdpleaser and a perfect place to jump onboard. Prior to that, worth checking out are Jim Steranko’s bizarre and transformative 3-issue run, Steve Englehart’s legendary Secret Empire (not the recent contentious Marvel event comic, to be clear), Ed Brubaker’s turn of the character towards grounded espionage, and his co-creator Jack Kirby’s bombastic, passionate 1970s tenure on the Captain. Currently, Ta-Nehisi Coates’ run is quite solid. Regarding related characters, for the Winter Soldier I’d suggest Ales Kot and Marco Rudy’s unconventional cosmic thriller Bucky Barnes: Winter Soldier; Black Widow had her own recent and excellent Mark Waid/Chris Samnee run, and I’d also recommend the one-shot Avengers Assemble 14AU by Al Ewing and Butch Guice, and issue #20 from Warren Ellis’s previously mentioned time on Secret Avengers; for Black Panther, his definitive runs are under Don McGregor and Christopher Priest, and I’d also note Jason Aaron and Jefte Palo’s Secret Invasion arc as showing T’Challa at his best.

10. Fantastic Four By Waid & Wieringo

What: Bathed in cosmic radiation on an ill-fated journey to the stars, Reed Richards, Sue and Johnny Storm, and Ben Grimm were transformed, and became the Fantastic Four, first family of an age of heroes! Now, years into their careers and with Reed and Sue’s young children in tow, they continue to explore new frontiers, whether battling a sentient equation gone mad, contending with an extradimensional roach infestation, or perhaps most perilous of all, Johnny trying to deal with getting a real job.

Why: Plenty consider the Fantastic Four one of Marvel’s most difficult groups to get right, but Waid and Wieringo nail the formula here as well as anyone ever has, just the right mix of high adventure and family dynamics to draw just about anyone in; this is as crowdpleasing as comics get and the perfect introduction to the best superhero team out there.

Recommendations: The FF’s another group where it’s worth going back to their earliest days of Lee and Kirby; while much of the writing’s aged awkwardly at best, they’re the absolute foundational comics of the entire universe and lay down concepts that are still getting use today throughout that universe. Past that initial run, John Byrne and Walter Simonson’s are among the best by reputation, as well as Jonathan Hickman’s as I discussed before (Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch’s is worth tracking down as well, especially since concepts there end up feeding directly into Hickman). For more outside-the-box material, Joe Casey and Chris Weston’s First Family is worth a look, as is Grant Morrison and Jae Lee’s 1234. And for the all-time best showing of bashful Benjamin J. Grimm, the ever-lovin’ blue-eyed Thing, find Marvel Two-In-One Annual #7 to see him defend the entire planet in a boxing match at Madison Square Garden. And while the team’s sadly off the table at the moment, Thing and the Torch are returning in Chip Zdarsky and Jim Cheung’s new volume of Marvel Two-In-One as they set out to find their missing family.

11. Mighty Avengers by Al Ewing

What: When Thanos takes to the skies as Earth’s Mightiest Heroes are off-planet, it’s a day unlike any other, as those left standing are forced to band together as the Mighty Avengers. And as the danger passes, the team remains, looking to truly work alongside those they protect rather than above them to make things better, even as forces conspire in the background to enslave them all.

Why: This title is something of a limitus test, in that it’s one where you’ll have to deal with it being constantly, infuriatingly forced to deal with crossover nonsense. It’s one of the big prices to pay for engaging with a larger universe, but the trade-off is that this is where Al Ewing gets set loose on the Marvel universe, drawing on every weird corner to pull together a run of genuine moral intent, note-perfect character work, and all-out adventure. This may be the ‘secondary’ team, but it’s as perfect as the Avengers have ever gotten.

Recommendations: The title itself is relaunched as Captain America and the Mighty Avengers, and as that ends but Ewing continues his time at Marvel, the characters and concepts end up divided among a number of titles: Contest of Champions, where a number of heroes are plucked from the timestream to duel for the power and amusement of the Grandmaster, New Avengers (later turned U.S.Avengers), where former X-Man Sunspot assembles a new team to act as a James Bond-ified international strike force, and Ultimates (later turned Ultimates2), where some of Earth’s most powerful and brilliant heroes band together to proactively defend against unimaginable cosmic threats; also try his mini-event Ultron Forever with Alan Davis sometime. Based on your response to numerous aspects of those titles, there’s a good chance you might be in the market for David Walker’s Luke Cage titles, Matt Fraction’s Defenders, and Jim Starlin’s cosmic 70s books such as Captain Marvel and Warlock (and make sure to read Nextwave at some point, Ewing actually follows up on that gonzo delight in some surprising ways here). For the ‘main’ team, aside from Hickman’s previously mentioned run - which while spectacular is pretty far afield of the usual tone - some suggestions might be Kurt Busiek and George Perez’s much-loved run, Roger Stern’s Under Siege, I have to imagine given the pedigree of the creators Earth’s Mightiest Heroes by Joe Casey and Scott Kolins, Brian Bendis’s extended ownership of the Avengers books, and The Kree-Skrull War.

12. Wolverine & The X-Men by Jason Aaron

What: Dwindled down to a few in a world that hates and fears them as much as ever, mutantkind has been split in two, with by-the-books Cyclops taking a hardline approach against oppression and feeling that the youth in the X-Men’s charge must be made ready to fight, while Wolverine has grown tired of throwing children into battle and has left to find a new way. Founding the Jean Gray School For Higher Learning, Logan’s found himself in the most unexpected role of all as a professor, fighting just has hard to keep the unimaginable high-tech academy and the hormonal super-powered student body in check as to fend off the supervillains inevitably sent their way.

Why: The X-Men aren’t exactly my forte, with a wobbly batting average at best over the years as the books devote at least as much effort to trying to juggle the continuity and soap opera demands as the actual sci-fi premise. There have been successes though, and few so geared towards new reader engagement as Wolverine & The X-Men, where Aaron strips the franchise down to the base essentials of a team living in a school for super-kids. It’s poppy, it’s weird, it’s touching, and it’s accessible. It’s the X-Men at its best.

Recommendations: The most direct predecessor to this run (aside from its actual lead-in miniseries X-Men: Schism, which is actually worth checking out) is Grant Morrison’s New X-Men, which takes the sci-fi aspects of the concept to the very limit in what I’m inclined to consider the best X-Men run, though it’s proven controversial over the years among longtime fans. The base of the team as it exists today is in Chris Clarmemont’s work, which I’m not wild about myself but has a few hits such as God Loves, Man Kills; if you’re looking for a modern update on the formula developed there, Astonishing X-Men by Joss Whedon and John Cassaday is probably your ticket (and the follow-up run by Warren Ellis is a great weird paramilitary sci-fi book for a bit). Jonathan Hickman’s relaunch is a radicaly and brilliant departure paving a new way forward; it’s perhaps best experienced after a bit of ‘traditional’ X-Men to understand the scale of the contrast, but check that out as soon as possible. For classic material, I understand the Roy Thomas/Neal Adams run was an early success, and Jeff Parker’s X-Men: First Class is by all accounts a charming look at the team’s earliest days. Jason Aaron’s work elsewhere on the X-Men proper was limited to the first 6 issues of the short-lived Amazing X-Men, but he had a very extended and successful tenure on Wolverine which would be my go-to recommendation for him; past that, Death of Wolverine actually satisfies, and All-New Wolverine starring his successor Laura Kinney was the best X-Men book on the stands for some time (writer Tom Taylor is also had a short-lived ‘proper’ X-book in X-Men: Red). As for the group’s many spin-offs, I’d suggest Rick Remender’s X-Force, Peter Milligan and Mike Allred’s X-Factor/X-Statix, and Joe Kelly and Ed McGuiness’s Spider-Man/Deadpool, which should serve as a decent introduction to the latter dude’s own oddball territory in the franchise along with the truly mad and utterly delightful You Are Deadpool.

#Marvel #Opinion

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mybigstupidtumblerg-blog · 7 years ago

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Why Dan, Phil, PJ, and Chris are the Most Underrated Creators

Before I begin, let me just state that this is in no way meant to be an attack towards other creators. There are a lot of incredibly talented creators out there today. In fact, I wish I was as talented as 99% of these people because then maybe I wouldn’t be rotting away in a godforsaken cubicle in a dead end job (don’t go into software engineering kids. You will hate everything and yourself). That being said, if you find yourself offended at any point during this narrative, please accept this homemade apology from me:

With that out of the way, let’s go!

Prior to YouTube’s existence, bored people like myself mainly browsed websites like Ebaum’s World, Stupid Videos, Albino Black Sheep, and shitty flash sites for bizarre, humorous, and at times traumatizing content (anybody remember The End of the World, Numa Numa, and Schfifty-Five before they were uploaded to YouTube?) . Enter 2005 - the birth of YouTube! At that time, I was one very bored 15 year old full of angst. YouTube offered up a new way to find content that appealed to millennials like myself. Not only that, but YouTube became the platform for people to connect with the world by sharing their interests, thoughts, and work with the world! While I never uploaded anything to YouTube, I spent an unhealthy amount of time searching and stumbling upon videos. Things got exciting in 2006 when I discovered a wonderful YouTuber you may know as AmazingPhil! Subsequently over the years, I would find myself stumbling upon Dan, Chris, and PJ.

Let’s start with the first of the four I encountered - Phil Lester. Honestly, is there anyone on YouTube, let alone this planet, who is nicer than Phil? Even though he is a true YouTube trailblazer, he has fewer subscribers and gets less appreciation than his collaborator and best friend, Dan Howell. In spite of this, Phil does not get envious and remains fully supportive of not only Dan, but all of his friends. Phil is the paragon of a sincerely kind and generous human being. If more people in the world strived to be more like Phil, humanity would be better off. Phil’s creativity and talent never fails to make me smile and amaze (well, he is AmazingPhil!) me. I love his light-hearted silly jokes and when he spontaneously bursts into song (my favorite is in the Snake Oil video PJ did with Dan and Phil - “He slithers down your chimney/ He licks you while you sleep/ You don’t know where he’s been tonight/ He’s a snake on Christmas Eve”). Here is a guy who has accomplished so much in his life so far - graduated with a master’s degree, presented on BBC Radio 1 with Dan, won a Guinness World Record for coin stacking, and invented the game concept for the 7 Second Challenge app. Personally, I think Phil offers higher quality content than many other YouTubers. As a viewer, I can tell that when Phil makes a video, he puts in so much effort and heart. Yet, do others truly appreciate Phil’s talent, creativity, and personality? If I walked into a random crowd on the streets of Seattle and asked the crowd’s opinions on Phil Lester, what do you think would happen? I’m willing to bet most people would look at me as if I just asked them to solve a differential equation. Phil is so genuine both as a creator and person, and I wish more people appreciated him for all he does.

Next up is Dan Howell! I have yet to encounter a person who is as eloquent in their vocabulary and sarcasm as Dan. As someone who was also raised on Winnie the Pooh (and raised by an intensely literature/English focused mom. English class didn’t end after school for me!), stumbling upon a YouTuber like Dan was one of the best things to happen to me. Intelligent and bona fide, Dan is someone I could sit with over some tea or wine and have in-depth discussions with. While I love Dan’s typical commentary on his experiences with social awkwardness, being an outcast, and making mistakes, once in a blue moon he will post a very sagacious and intensely emotional video. Daniel and Depression is one of those videos. In this video, Dan opens up about his experiences in understanding and managing his depression. After watching his video, I took some time to absorb and dissect the content I just watched. As someone who has been dealing with chronic depression and anxiety since childhood, this was a video that profoundly struck a chord with me. Dan’s videos are very engaging and easy for many people to relate to. Even as I’ve gotten older, I still find the content Dan posts to be easy to relate to. For all his sardonic humor and sarcasm, Dan comes across as a very kind and generous person. Everything he creates is done with so much insight and character. I hope Dan continues to produce the content he does!

Now then, on to PJ Liguori! If there is one channel that you will never find another one like it, it is KickThePj. The first video I ever saw on his channel was Retro MakeOver. I immediately subscribed to his channel after watching that video. PJ takes his artwork and creativity to whole different level on his channel. Not only can he draw, but he is musically inclined and an outstanding storyteller. The way in which PJ tells his stories with a twist of imagination makes his videos unlike anything I’ve ever seen both prior to and during the existence of YouTube. I love how as a viewer, I feel as if I’m in the moment with PJ, observing his imagination in action - nothing feels scripted! The way he engages with his viewers is also very genuine (I know I’ve said that a lot. Honestly all four of these guys can be described as genuine). PJ seems like a very pleasant person that I’d gladly chill with over a card or board game. I’m honestly surprised that more people haven’t discovered PJ or don’t seem to have an appreciation for this type of content. In a world that seems to demand more originality and creativity, you couldn’t find a better creator than PJ. PJ is a one in a million and a very talented creator. I can’t wait to see what he does next both on and outside of YouTube!

Finally, but not least, Chris Kendall! I would venture to say that no one could get through one of Chris’ videos without laughing their socks off. Chris does some the best impersonations and parodies I’ve seen on YouTube! I love his casual attitude in his gaming videos where he just acts like himself and doesn’t take things too seriously (his random burping always makes my day :P). Much like the other three, his content is original and there is a discernible effort in his videos. Case and point - both of his I Can’t Even YouTube Quiz shows. I laughed until I was in tears during both of them and loved all of the geeky references! I would describe quite a bit of his humor as both geeky and classically British. Beyond his comedy, Chris is also a great actor. Both in his videos and collaboration videos, his acting skills are impeccable and he is absolutely hilarious! I was sad when Chris took a hiatus from YouTube (though I understood), but I am happy he’s back to creating more awesome content. Chris is a creator that I hope more people will discover and follow!

I hope to be fortunate enough one day to meet all four of these wonderful men outside of a computer screen. If anything, to shake their hands (and hug them if they’re ok with it) and thank them for how much each of them have positively impacted me in some way or another. If any of them are reading this, thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts and for all the great work you are doing!!

@danielhowell @amazingphil @kickthepj @crabstickz69

#daniel howell #dan and phil #phil lester #amazingphil #danisnotonfire #crabstickz #chris kendall #pj liguori #kickthepj

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redwinephannie · 7 years ago

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Never Let Me Go

Pairing: Dan Howell/Phil Lester (Phan)

WARNING: Mentions of self harm, mentions of blood, suicide attempt, depression, slight swearing.

Word count: Almost 4k

Authors Note: Vaguely based on this song by Florence + The Machine

He warned them

They knew he would crack someday

It felt like that's what they wanted. They wanted Dan to crack. They wanted to throw stones at him, those stones were words that cut deep. Those stones got bigger, eventually becoming huge rocks that cut even deeper into Dan's soul. Into his head. Every ounce of sanity all leaked out of him through the gashes he regularly forced onto his once perfect skin.

But they would never take the blame

They would continuously throw boulders at Dan and then turn around and pretend it wasn't them. Eventually realizing that the guilt would weigh them down they would come and fake an apology. Trying to make things better by rubbing salt into his wounds. He convinced himself that these wounds were their fault, that this wasn't him.

This couldn't be him.

He never imagined himself being like this. He never imagined becoming so comfortable with the colour red staining his skin. He never imagined himself becoming numb to the screaming and yelling in his head.

Eventually Dan realized their words were not genuine. He came to realize his own words were not genuine.

Nothing he spoke was genuine.

He couldn't tell anyone he was doing well and mean it. But he also couldn't tell anyone he was doing horribly and mean it.

Dan was numb.

His was emotionally numb and physically numb.

Until now.

It was 1am. Dan had finally cracked. Those boulders everyone had been throwing at him for so long finally cracked him. He took his bike, his eyes completely fogged with unjustified tears and he rode down to the beach.

The beach was a long ways away and of course there were beaches that were closer to him. But this beach was special to him. This beach is where he could remember the most happy memories from his childhood.

Dan was a child of the water. He loved the feeling of the hot sand soft under his toes. He loved the feeling of seaweed wrapping around his ankles, tickling his skin as he allowed the warm water to envelope his body. Endless giggles pouring from his lips as ran around the beach shore with his family. All of them so happy. They were always happy. Dan always went home with terrible sunburns due to his unwillingness to apply sunscreen but the pain was always worth it.

After his parents got divorced everything changed. Things changed because of him. This was all his fault. He has to remind himself of this fact on a daily basis.

The beach was where he had made his first good friend, met his first love. Dan was 4 years old when they met. His name was Phil. Dan remembered so clearly. He remembered the freckles on his preciously delicate skin. His horribly cut hair. His beautiful blue eyes. Dan always loved Phil's eyes. They reminded him of the ocean. He always found comfort in the ocean and he always found comfort in Phil. The water was his home. And so was Phil. As they grew older they realized their love for each other. They realized that they built their own lives together.

They were 15 when they realized it.

Dan was so happy when he finally got together with Phil. They had been together for 2 years. They had somehow masked such immense love from the outside world for 2 years, before they decided it was time to tell people.

This hadn't gone down well with his parents. His parents had forced he and Phil apart from each other. They had immediately phoned Phil's parents and informed them of what the boys had so confidentially revealed to them. Phil's parents had come over and forced Phil back home.

Dan's final view of Phil was of him with tears streaming down his face. His blue eyes sad. A storm brewing in behind them. His final touch with Phil had not been a gentle embrace, but instead a frantic grab at his arm, trying to hold onto him from the inevitability of their separation. His final words to Phil were not gentle 'I love you''s, but instead were curse words yelled at his parents and Phil's parents. A scream in declaration of his love for Phil. Phil's final words to him were 'I'm sorry'.

Immediately afterward the house was filled with silence. Dan could hear every inch of his heart absolutely shatter in regret and vulnerability in the heart wrenching quiet.

His breathing was heavy. Tears were streaming from his eyes. A look of pure betrayal and heartbreak showed obvious on his face.

His parents stared at him but he couldn't force himself to look at them as he focused on the final sounds of Phil's depart. The car driving off into the distance before there was nothing left.

When his eyes finally snapped over to look at his parents he expected anger and hatred written all over their faces. But instead he found sympathetic looks.

"Danny-" his mother tried

"Don't fucking call me that," Dan's voice shook as his body did. He could feel every bone rattle in his body with anger.

"We're just doing what's best for you. We want you to find someone you love. A girl that you love, Daniel. That boy was no good for you. He was changing you into someone we don't want you to be. He doesn't matter anymore Dan. Don't worry about him. He's gone. You will never see him again," his father had said.

Those final words were the first stone thrown at him.

Soon after his parents began consistently fighting. He never got to talk to Phil anymore. Phil was his home. Phil was his safe space when his parents were screaming and yelling at each other. Phil would always talk to him over the phone, he would reassure him that things would be okay. But that reassurance was gone.

Dan knew he wasn't gonna be okay from that point. Phil's parents had seemingly forced him to block Dan on every possible social media platform. They had changed their number and Phil's number. Dan never saw him again.

His parents had eventually gotten divorced. He was forced into the custody of his insane mother. She emotionally manipulated him. She yelled and screamed at him. She blamed him for everything.

Not long after everything had happened, Dan fell into a deep depression. He knew he was worthless. He knew he had been so incredibly stupid that day. He knew he should have waited until he was 18 and he could move out and not have to worry about anything concerning his parents. But you can't change the past. You can only take what you have in the present and conform it to how you want your future to be.

Dan didn't have it in him to try anymore. He didn't go to school. He barely ate. He barely slept. The sounds of that night were burned into his brain.

That night had been years ago but it still hurt Dan to think about it. It burned him from the inside out. That was the only time Dan felt any real emotion anymore. It was when he felt this immense heartbreak and sadness at the thought of Phil. He was worried about Phil's safety. He was worried Phil wasn't okay. Dan was now 24 and he was still rendered sick from worry.

He didn't even know Phil anymore. It had been 8 years. They would be like strangers now. But Dan still loved him. He couldn't find room in his shattered heart for anyone else. No one else was worth the effort, but for Phil he swore he would try to pick up every piece of his old and and dysfunctional broken heart and glue it back together. If it meant Phil would find safety in him again. If he could find a home in Dan's heart once more.

Dan felt the sting of the cold 1am air on the fresh cuts on his arm. The pace that the air forced itself onto his scars burned, but he loved it. It meant that he could feel something. He yearned to feel something again. Anything.

He brought his bike to an abrupt stop as he reached his destination. This is where he had built a home. And this is where he would destroy it. He wanted this home to destroy him. He wanted the peacefulness of the water to violently rip the air from his lungs and fill it instead with salt and liquid. He wanted the pressure of the deep ocean to drain his consciousness. He wanted to rest his head on the ocean floor and feel his soul descend to where it truly belonged.

He got off of his bike and walked across the sand. It wasn't like he remembered. He loved the hot feeling of the thick layer of soft sand underneath his toes. Instead now there was a thin layer of sand. It was cold and it was sharp due to the rocks hidden beneath it. But Dan simply smiled down at the small rocks as he stepped on them. They were so familiar now.

The sharp rocks made his feet bleed but he didn't care. He made his way over to the water, each rock cutting a little deeper into his feet causing them to bleed. Dan didn't care.

He saw the light of the moon reflecting off of the surface of the water. Another tear slowly creeped out of Dan's burning eyes. The moon reminded him of Phil's pure and unadulterated beauty.

Dan took a step into the water. It was cold. Freezing really. He didn't recall this being the home he remembered. He remembered this water being warm and inviting. But now it was cold and stinging to the cuts on his body. Dan supposed that as he had changed, so had this place. Nothing can ever stay the same. Nothing good lasts forever.

Dan inhaled a shaky breath before taking another step into the water. It was violent in it's movements, Dan took notice of that. The nighttime did crazy things to people and nature. The behaviour of this environment was almost mocking towards Dan's feelings.

He took another step. He was up to his knees now. He felt the intoxicating numbness he craved creep into his bones.

He took more steps. Until eventually he was chest level. Each crashing wave felt one step closer to heaven for him. Each violent crash sent a peaceful numbness shivering through his body.

This is what he wanted. This is what he craved.

He was about to take one more step before he heard a voice.

Dan wasn't facing whoever it was. But Dan froze in place. He recognized that smooth tone of voice. It had been so long but the richness and deepness of his voice had only been enhanced throughout the years.

It was Phil

Dan couldn't bring himself to turn around. He knew his motives right now. He knew Phil would never recognize him. The Dan he knew was a bit chubby, always had a smile on his face, had lit up brown eyes and a glow in his skin. Now Dan was thin from barely eating. Each faked smile hurt him physically. His brown eyes had been devoid of colour for years. Phil had stolen every ounce of colour out of his life when he was gone. Dan's skin was pale from never leaving the house. Having an unhealthy tint to it as a physical reminder of his critically low health.

Dan wouldn't turn around. He wanted to see Phil again but he couldn't risk the painful flashbacks. He couldn't risk the thought of Phil being hurt the way he had been before.

"Hey! Are you okay?" The voice called from the shore

Dan soaked up the sound of his voice. This was the home he knew. He felt the warmth creep back into his bones at the sound. He felt at home again. Like he could drown in that voice.

Of course it was Phil. Phil had always been one to be concerned about people and their well being. How could Dan have been so stupid as to have forgotten that Phil lived across from the beach. That was the reason his parents stopped bringing him here. In fear of meeting with Phil once more.

Dan almost turned around. Phil voiced his concern once more towards Dan and Dan bathed in every syllable.

But he didn't belong here

He didn't deserve this

After all these things he had done to himself in the years of Phil's absence, he no longer was deserving of Phil's love.

This was his home. But he didn't belong in it anymore.

Those final words hit Dan hard and he quickly took a few more steps forward until his feet could no longer touch the sand.

He stared up at the wave hanging over his head with a smile as it finally crashed over his head and the pressure dragged him under.

This was where he belonged.

Dan woke up.

Why did he wake up?

This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

He was surrounded my white walls. Covered over with a white sheet. The familiar beeping sounds indicated his greatest fear.

He had survived.

He closed his eyes again. Having not moved from the spot he was in. It was still dark out, he noticed. Had he really awoken so soon? Or had he been in that peaceful darkness so long that when he awoke the world was once more enveloped in the earths natural darkness?

He prayed that if he kept his eyes closed long enough that maybe the darkness would swallow him once more. For good this time. But Dan knew this wasn't the case.

As Dan moved his limbs he noticed a soft touch. Someone holding gently onto his hand. The hand was big, warm and comforting.

It couldn't be his mother. His mothers hands were wrinkled and frail.

It couldn't be his father. His fathers hands were so much rougher from years of work.

He once more opened his eyes. He noticed the soft glimmer of the hospital lamp next to his bed.

He looked over at the hand that was holding his.

It was Phil's.

Phil was fast asleep next to him. His hand holding gently on to Dan's as his head rested in what looked to be a very uncomfortable position on the side of Dan's bed.

He was just as beautiful as Dan remembered. Maybe even more beautiful. He took notice to the fact that Phil's hair was now dyed black. He took notice to the fact that Phil's body was now much bigger and more filled out than it used to be. He looked amazing. He looked like warmth and comfort and everything Dan remembered him being.

A gasp escaped Dan's lips, much louder than he had anticipated. He cringed at the noise. His breathing was loud and rough. Causing the gasp to sound more like an inhale before a bone rattling cough from an elder.

The sound had snapped Phil out of his slumber. His hair was slightly messed up. His eyes were red and tired. It looked like he had been crying.

Dan almost felt tears welling up at the sight of him.

He wasn't stupid enough not to know why Phil was here. He could take an educated guess that Phil had been the one to drag Dan's lifeless body out of the water and call for help.

Phil had saved Dan's life.

"Dan?" Dan heard Phil's voice say. His voice was deep and rough with exhaustion. But his eyes mimicked the exact opposite. They were widened in shock.

Dan didn't think he could love a sound more.

Phil covered his mouth with his free hand as tears fell from his eyes and he broke down into sobs.

"I'm sorry," Dan's voice spoke. The first genuine words he had spoken in years. The only words he truly meant. He didn't know what else to say. He was so used to apologizing for everything in his life. He owed Phil this apology at the very least.

"Don't fucking do that again god please don't fucking do that again I love you so much I still love you and I'll always love you please never fucking do that again," Phil's voice rambled as he choked on sobs.

Dan felt a violent flashback to that night Phil had been ripped from his arms with such violence. The words spoken were the opposite of how they were spoken in that situation.

In that situation Phil had been the one who apologized while Dan screamed out curses and declared his love for Phil.

This wasn't right. This isn't how Dan wanted to be. This isn't how Phil deserved to feel.

"Phil," Dan said softly, the name rolling off his lips so naturally

Phil looked up at him, wiping his eyes. Phil's eyes were swollen and bloodshot but Dan could still see the blue in them. The blue had been darkened by the glassy film of tears and sadness. They imitated the colour of the ocean that night.

Dan didn't know what to say. He had so much he wanted to say and so much that needed to be said. But his voice was too rough and he was in too much pain to say much.

"I love you," Dan gripped tighter onto Phil's hand. Words that hadn't been spoken in years had finally found their proper place, instead of forever stabbing the bottom of his tongue, always urging him to scream it.

Then Dan felt a warm embrace. Phil was hugging him. This is what Dan needed. What he had needed for so long.

"I love you so much. It'll be okay sweetheart. I promise this will all blow over and you'll be okay and you'll be safe with me forever. I will never let you go," more words that hadn't been spoken in years.

Those words had been used for comfort back when Dan's parents used to fight all the time. Now they were used as a promise.

Dan pushed Phil out of his embrace.

Phil looked taken aback and hurt by Dan's sudden actions. Dan smiled up at him and did something that he hadn't done in years. Since they were children.

"Pinky promise?"

Dan and Phil were sat together on their sofa in their new home. The only unpacked things in this home currently were the sofa, the bed and of course the refrigerator.

But Dan had found his old journal and he and Phil were going through it.

Dan had written about Phil in it. He had written all of this stuff during the time he and Phil had been forced apart. They were recalling these memories. That night of reconnection had happened over 5 years ago now.

Dan thought back to himself from so long ago. He had been so thin. So pale and unhealthy. His eyes were dull and lifeless. His skin was splattered with scars and stains of red he thought would never leave him alone. He thought he would be alone and emotionally numb until the day he died. Until the day he almost let himself die.

That was 5 years ago. Dan was healthy. His form was now just as filled out as Phil's, he was eating regularly and was in good health. His skin had stolen back that beautiful natural glow. His eyes retained their life and happiness. His skin was now covered in tattoos that covered his scars.

Dan was with Phil now. Phil had promised to keep him safe forever and he had kept that promise.

"Of course I was gonna keep my promise!" Phil said as he ran his gentle fingers through Dan's hair, "you did make me pinky promise after all! And you know pinky promises can never be broken. And I promise you never will be again."

Phil always reassured Dan. Dan always told Phil he no longer required the reassurance, though it was a nice gesture. But Phil insisted on letting Dan know, so Dan didn't fight him on it. Phil was so stubborn Dan would give up that fight too easily.

Phil had taken up these past years by carefully picking up the broken pieces of Dan's heart and secured them back into place.

Dan had gone to therapy and had been put on medication that helped him in any aspect that Phil couldn't.

Dan had always told himself that he didn't deserve Phil but he now realized that they deserved each other. This wasn't one sided. It wasn't one deserved the other more. They both deserved each other equally and they knew it.

They looked at each other and found a home. Phil had rebuilt the home he once had in Dan on a more solid foundation. One that could never be broken.

They were both 29 now, Phil just shy of 30 and they were married.

Dan had never imagined himself married to anyone except Phil, and he was glad he didn't have to.

They got married on that beach.

That beach was where they had met, where their love had grown, and where old foundations were broken and new ones were secured into place.

Dan didn't really speak to his parents anymore. They still were not accepting of his and Phil's love, though Phil's family had slowly become more loving and accepting of them, inviting Dan into their home and treating him as their son now. Which Dan was eternally grateful for.

Dan sometimes wished he still spoke with his family and he sat there considering attempting to reconnect with them when a loud cry snapped him from his thoughts.

"I'll go check on her," Phil said, patting Dan's thigh as he got up to go check on their 2 year old daughter.

This was Dan's family now. He didn't need the toxicity that surrounded him in his previous life to drift over into this one.

'Family is not who you are attached to by blood. Family are the people that surround you that give you endless love and support no matter what,' Dan reminded himself.

"I think she wants her other daddy," Phil said as he entered back into the room with their daughter Tessa.

Tessa sniffles into Phil's shirt but abruptly reached her small arms out in front of her, her brown eyes lighting up as she caught sight of Dan.

"Daddy-" she spoke softly, grunting as she tried to wiggle out of Phil's arms and into Dan's.

"Alright cub, calm down, you can go see your daddy," Phil said to Tessa as he handed her to Dan.

"Hello there cub," Dan said as she clung onto him and snuggled into his chest. Her sniffles fading as she found comfort in Dan.

Dan wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back soothingly as she fell asleep once again.

Phil sat back down next to Dan, picking up Dan's old journal before tossing it into a box with other unpacked stuff. He carefully pulled Dan closer to him, allowing Dan to rest his head on Phil's chest as Phil rested his head on Dan's head.

"I love you so much bear," Phil whispered into Dan's hair as he kissed the top of his head, "you'll be safe with me forever. I promise."

Dan smiled, feeling his heart jump in his chest as he brought his free hand up slowly towards Phil.

"Pinky promise?"

#phan #dan and phil #my phanfic #phan fic #dan howell #phil lester #d&p #dan #phil #fanfiction #she speaks

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sunshinedjh · 7 years ago

Text

Summoning Love Part Twelve: Boyfriends

Summoning Love: Phil Lester has the ability to make anything he desires appear at will. However, with great power comes great responsibility. And along with his parents wanting to disown him, his entire school thinking he’s a freak, and being the only person in this world he knows of with a hidden power, things can get rather lonely… Phan |Superpowers |High School Au |

Part Eleven

Word Count: 1307

Wattpad<<<

Warnings: N/A

They hadn't intended it to happen, really they hadn't. But when Phil was the first to wake up and find Dan in his arms, he couldn't help but smile.

The smile faded though, only slightly, after Phil realised that his mother was going to positively murder him for spending the night in some dingy, abandoned building.

And an uncomfortable dingy, abandoned building at that. Phil's back and neck ached like hell. He supposed that was what he got though, for sleeping on the floor.

Deciding to push thoughts of what he was going to say to his mother to the back of his mind, Phil focused on the boy asleep in front of him with his head resting on his chest.

Breathing gently, Dan's slightly parted lips inhaled and exhaled. His hair was a tad messier than usual, curls crashing like waves on a shoreline. And his eyes, though closed, were still beautiful with long and dainty looking eyelashes.

Phil could gaze at him all he wanted in that moment. Which was something he'd never really got a chance to do before. Just sit and indulge in Dan. It made him fall even deeper in love with the boy. There truly was no escape for Phil now; he was absolutely smitten.

Sadly, Phil didn't get to gaze at Dan for as long as he pleased since Dan decided to wake up at that moment.

With a yawn and a flutter of eyelashes, and a sudden confusion as to why he was lying on top of someone on a stone floor, Dan opened his eyes.

'I ahh, wah!' He said rather unintellectually. 'Morning' 'Phil?' He groaned, clearly suffering from a severe case of morning voice. Phil couldn't help but giggle.

'Yes?' 'Where are we?' 'In your hideout, remember?' 'Oh' Dan looked rather puzzled before he sat up and stretched. Phil watched him close enough to tell when the events of last night cane flooding back to him, the blush sort of gave it away too.

'So uh, are we a thing now?' Dan said shyly after a minute or so. 'A thing?' Phil grinned. 'You know...' 'I'm not so sure I do' Phil teased, knowing exactly what he meant but wanting to hear him say it.

'Boyfriends' Dan whispered as if he thought someone else would hear. Phil shifted closer to him. 'Is that what you want us to be?'

Dan could feel Phil's breath against him now. It was intoxicating. 'Yes'

'Then yes' Phil's lips brushed against Dan's skin 'I'd say we are' Phil pressed his lips to Dan's neck and kissed all along it.

It had been a few hours since Phil had awoken, and he was back home now. Alone too, much to his disapproval.

He and Dan had walked through the city together, hand in hand on the way back.

Dan had gone back to his own house though, deciding it might be easier for Phil to explain where he'd been without him bringing home some stranger to his parents. And Phil had agreed, knowing that as much as he didn't want to leave Dan, he was right.

He'd simply managed to say he'd spent the night at Pj's and that Pj had wanted some help studying.

And sure, his mother may have yelled at him for it, but Phil couldn't find it in him to care. He'd simply waltzed up to his room, in some ridiculous lovesick manor and sprawled out on his bed.

It was all so strange to think that yesterday he'd been so scared, so anxious, and Dan had known nothing at all about how he felt about him.

Phil almost considered texting Pj and telling him how it had gone, but to his delight as Phil turned on his phone he found he had a message from Dan.

From: Dan Today 15:47pm

Hey, how'd it go? Hope your mum didn't kill you :/

Phil chuckled as he read the text. As he began to type out a reply he was interrupted by another text from Dan.

From: Dan Today 15:48pm

Ps: I had fun yesterday, we should go out again sometime x

Phil froze stopped typing for a moment to read the text and added to what he'd been writing.

To: Dan Today 15:48pm

It went fine don't worry, my mum gets mad at anything so yelling is inevitable. And yeah I enjoyed yesterday too, but you wanna go out again huh? Are you asking me on a date by any chance? xx

From: Dan Today 15:48pm

Maybe... xx

Phil found himself blushing intensely at that. He was extremely grateful that Dan couldn't see his face right now.

Phil had never been on a date before. Was Dan expecting him to plan it? Would he have to dress smart? Apparently confessing to Dan hadn't ended his anxiety forever.

It was then that he got a text from Pj however. Which usually would have been extreme annoying timing, but in Phil's case it served he purpose of providing him with a very helpful idea.

From: Phil Today 16:01pm

You wanna go out later? I have a friend who works in this restaurant downtown and I hear it has great reviews xx

Later? As in today later? Dan stared at the text in utter disbelief for a moment.

Sure he'd said he wanted to go out again sometime, but not today! It was already 4pm meaning that Dan had absolutely no time to get ready. Franticly, he typed out a reply.

To: Phil Today 16:04pm

Sure, what time did you have in mind? xx

Dan stared at his phone, almost without blinking entirely, as he waited for a reply.

From: Phil Today 16:05pm

How about 6? xx

Six? Six?! That was less than two hours away.

Rapidly, Dan jumped from his bed and ran over to his closet, pulling out a white shirt with a gold pattern on it. He looked at it unsurely for a second.

'Okay so what could I wear this with...' he pondered to himself for a few minutes, routing through the wardrobe.

'Aha!' Dan reached in and grabbed a black jacket that paired nicely with the shirt. That along with some skinny jeans (obviously black ones) and he was sorted.

Dan looked thoughtfully at himself in the mirror, fully dressed in his getup. He actually looked good. All he had to do now was sort his hair out...

Taming Dan's hair was quite the challenge to say the least. This was the main reason why he'd straightened it for years, simply because it was so wild when it was curly.

Phil had said he liked Dan's hair that way though, so he wasn't going to touch the straighteners any time soon.

In the end he simply ran his fingers through it until it looked slightly less unkempt.

'There' he stated confidently in satisfaction. He was all really and it was only...

Dan switched his phone on to look at the time, only to find a message from Phil.

From: Phil Today 16:50

Okay slight change of plan, the table is booked for 5 now because there weren't any available for 6. Hope that's okay xx

Dan could've dropped his phone.

He had no idea where on earth this restaurant was, he knew the name of it because Phil had told him but how was he supposed to get there?

The panic was beginning to set in, Dan had no idea what he was going to do. He supposed he'd have to get a taxi and hope that it wasn't too far. He was going to be so late if it was too far.

'Oh god, oh god, oh...'

'Dan honey!' A voice called from downstairs. 'Yeah?' 'I think someone's here to see you'

It was then that the doorbell decided to ring.

Next Chapter

#phan #phanfic #summoning love #phanfiction #phandom #dan and phil #phancakeshowell

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lockdownuk · 4 years ago

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Lockdown Diary Part 5

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 121: I received a call today about an interesting job with a firm called Liquibox - they need someone to source all the apps used by a company they’ve just bought and then decide how to incorporate them into their IT standards - not disimiliar to app testing at RS for Y2K. Another 17k+ steps today although when I ventured out on my second walk, I quickly had to wolf down some jelly beans! Didn’t stop me doing 8km. I WhatsApp’d Karen today to see what Dan’s doing for his 30th. He’s off to France. Just that brief comminique serves to remind me that it’s been about 3 weeks since anyone (apart from Dad & Rita) has asked after me without it being an after thought (even then the question’s been posed less than half a dozen times). It feels awfully lonely! I guess, somehow, I’ve made my own bed.....

Day 122: I have an interview for the Liquibox job. It’s a MS Teams one with the recruiter, in two day’s time (Friday) at 9am. I had haggis for tea, with loads of veg. A really nice change!

Day 123: Badge contacted me via Messenger to ask how I was. First person to do so, as a forethought in at least three weeks. Good ol’ Badge. Been mostly preparing for tomorrow’s interview today so not quite as far, walking wise, just 14k steps! Spoke with dad today, he’s OK as usual. Also spoke with Karen via WhatsApp (asking about whether I have to wash brand new bedding - any excuse to contact, really) and then saw her gardening - the front garden at 10, Ashton Road does look really good!

Day 124: Typing on day 125. Online interview with Bigred recruitment for the role at Liquibox. It went well but, as always, who knows? I didn’t gear back from DSM about my (other) interviews as they promised. Just reaffirms my rule, after every conversation re: job hunting, forget about it. In fact, I saw the job advertised again (but, this time, MCSE is a requirement), I sent Karen a message to see if, maybe, she fancied a few beers. Her reply was a little sad, she’s feeling very down and is worried about Dan and how he is coping with life after splitting with Grace. Coincidentally I saw Dan today. It was great bumping into him and I am going to make more of an effort to keep in touch. Usual Friday night for me. Lots of beers, pizza, films (Lucy and The Big Short) and a fucking late night! Day 125: As I type, I am knackered. 15 km today. Dad called while I was on my first walk, to see if I’d heard from DSM. I told him no but, also, that I wasn’t that bothered.

Day 126: More epic walking and am going to have a beer tonight - I have a hankering despite it being Sunday. I watched Moneyball last night. Flipping good. 2011 it was made. Fucking 9 years ago! Rick and Vic got engaged today!

Day 127: I am typing this on day 128. I got up late for a weekday - beers last night did the trick. If I drink, I am never in bed before 4am! I still managed an 8 mile walk! Received a call while walking from the Bigred recruitment chap about the Liquibox job - it was a no.

Day 128: Normal day - lots of walking. I have started watching ‘Good Girls’ on Netflix. Pretty good.

Day 129: Typing on day 130. I had to be up for the plumber coming round so I was up and showered by 8:30am. What this means is I managed three walks today (over 13 miles). I am also developing a rather odd pain in my right lower abdomen (not disimilar to the appendictis feeling earlier in ld) and a movement-restricting pain in my upper right arm - I and sincerely hoping it’s not the shoulder. I really do not want another frozen one. So, I didn’t manage a last set of push-ups after the last walk.

Day130: Typing this on day 131 (there’s a pattern emerging here). Went shopping at Asda - £106! I only went for a few things FFS! Had a few beers round Karen’s and continued when I got home at 10:30pm-ish.

Day 131: I am typing this at 3pm. I have been up for two hours and done fuck all. Just watch the last episode of Friends - so that’s the end of that 5-6 month binge session. I realise that I had seen pretty much every episode before but not that last one so Ross and Rach finally getting together was a nice surpise. David Schwimmer is the fucking star of that show - how many times did I pause and rewind comedy clips of him. He is fucking hilarious in Friends. After toast and coffee and energy drink, I finally feel up to a walk even though Alexa has just informed me its 32 degrees C!

Day 132: Very late one last night (4:15am) but up about midday. Long, long walk (11km) including a long chat with dad. As I type this the FA Cup is just finishing. So weird the final in August at Wembley with no crowd.

Day 133: I have done jack shit today. I’ve tweaked my ankle. I did watch the British Grand Prix and viewed TikTok way too much.

Day 134: My ankle still feels like there’s an issue but I went ahead and did a 9km walk and usual stair climb. It’s felt study enough but I need to be careful. After sitting for a while, I can feel it tweak when first walk on it. I saw El today and he was mentioning the pub visits he’s had since ld relaxed, and who with. It reminded me that, since I won’t go out until I can be sure it’s safe, I should get used to a long, lonely time. It has put me in a very somber mood. I am feeling very isolated.

Day 135: Town Hall at RCI to which furloughed staff were invited. It was all about the rebranding including the new business ‘Panorama’ and the new RCI brand. It was all very positive. I still wonder, though, what is going tp happen about furloghed staff now RCI haev to contribute to the Government retention scheme (since 1st August. Today is the 4th) but today was never going to be about that. The positivity plus the ‘no news is good news’ has put me in a little better frame of mind than yesterdya, but not much. Two long walks today even though the right ankle still twinges every now and then. Also, this pain I am having in my right arm is not getting any better. It doesn’t stop me doing anything but is painful if I have to reach up over shoulder height. I’m meant to be on the radio tomorrow (see Day 120)...it’s a strange feeling of anticipation!

Day 136: Well, I was on the radio, Shaun Keavney’s ‘Small Claims Court’ feature on his BBC Radio 6 Music day time show. It was fun! It is interesting, the process I went through before appearing (see main blog). It’s such a big thing for me (or, I guess, anyone who is asked to appear) but, in a flash, it’s over and the moment is resigned to obscurity. It means so little to absolutely everyone apart from me!

Day 137: Video chatted with Dan (30th birthday) - he went to Brighton and was on it when I spoke with him (before midday!), sat in a ‘noncey restaurant’ as he put it. He’s gone with Jonah and his girlfriend. I do hope he makes the best of the day. I rang dad today as well (Thursday is Rita’s family stuff day so it’s a good time to call dad). He was his usual self, unfazed and healthy. It’s really rather reassuring talking to him. It’s really hot and humid today so both walks have resulted in a lot of sweat! I have just arranged to go and have a drink up Foggy’s tomorrow evening before he wanders over the pub. I can’t wait, I’m so bloody lonely!

Day 138: Typing this on day 139. I had a great evening at Foggy’s. Great food (bbq) and great company. Home by half past midnight, in bed before 2am so an early night for me on a Friday but a bloody good night.

Day 139: Up at midday-ish. Lazy day. My arm is a major concern now. I think it is a frozen shoulder but, I think I should lay off the press-ups for a day or two, just to see if they are the cause.

Day 140: Similar day to yesterday...lazy and no press-ups.

Day 141: I went to bed at @3:30am last night, wtf! Up at 10:00am so not bad. Watched a film called The Assistant. It’s a strange one - fuck all happens yet i really liked it! Karen WhatsApp’d - she wants me, her and Dan to have a meal for his 30th. That’s great, but she suggested going out - I just wonder if people really do have a grasp that the pandemic is still happening! However, and in mitigation, she also suggested a meal round hers which I (obvs) plumped for. It is a very nice gesture and invitiation - means a lot.

Day 142: My arm seems to be getting better by not doing press-ups. I am on track to complete 1,000,000 steps by around the end of the month, so 2 instead of 3! Because it’s so blooming hot right now, I have taken a walk in the evening (8-9pm ish) which has allowed me to take some pics of stunning skyscapes, as I’ve decided to call them. Started to watch the American version of the office. It’s OK.

Day 143: I have been having pain again in my abdomen (see day 28) so I contacted the surgery and ended up in a video conference with Dr. Powell. Turns out it is most likely constipation! Movical it is then! Seriously fucking hot today (this week).

Day 144: Typing on day 145. Went round Karen’s and had a meal with her and Dan one week after his 30th. It was good. Dan left by 8pm and I left at 9pm but carried on drinking at home while watching Netflix comedy specials of John Mulaney live (fucking funny). So, a late, drunken midweek night hence not penning this diary on the day!

Day 145: Up at midday, shopping at Tesco’s and Asda, very late walk 9:15pm by the time I got home - it was too dark to see the cowpats by the river! Today, the two semifinals in the world snooker were both classics; Kyren Wilson beat Anthony McGill 17-16, Ronnie O’Sullivan beat Mark Selby by the same score. The snooker is weird with no audience - those two scorelines deserved some people there to witness them, amazing snooker!

Day 146: Day 147 as I type - completely forgot to make the entry. I went to bed at nearly 6am but was up at noon. Walked over 11 km! Watched Zodiac, drank late (again!)

Day 147: day 147 and also the day of the world snooker final which was rather a damp squib; Ronnie whooped Kyren Wilson 18-8. I received notice yesterday that I’m being charged with the speeding offence on 23rd April. Bollocks.

Day 148: No amazing interludes to report today. Day 149: Same as yesterday...walking mainly. 17,000 today, 244k for the month.

Day 150: Foggy’s birthday. I am just about to go to his for a quick beer before he goes to the pub. At the moment I have a chilli on the go and have cracked open a can. It’s all happening!

#diary #Tumblr diary #lockdown #covid19 #lockdownuk

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brooklynislandgirl · 7 years ago

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1-5 and 11-30

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?

I think mebbe I’m the wrong person to ask. My culture, we’re very expressive. Very personal when it comes to affection. Our greeting, reconnecting, is all about sharing each other’s breath and recognizing we both exist in the same sacred spaces.

But I think it’s part intention and part location. I mean... a kiss on the hand/cheek/forehead with a friend or relative doesn’t mean you’re inviting another person in to you, doesn’t mean you want them in an amorous way.

But the second that it’s not about affection, when desire comes into play, an’ ya with someone else already...then yes, yes it is.

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?

Is that really a thing? I mean....personally? Nevah had to. Anyone can say what they like about us {and trust me, people usually do}, but...

Let’s jus’ say... my kane is a very determined and skilled man.

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

Truth? Somedays... I jus’ wan be normal. No reality altering abilities. No super-powers. Jus’....normal. But we don’ always get wha’ we wan, yeah?Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?

Ya say like dat, I’m not rich already.

I have people I love. In my small ways, I make da kine better for others. I have a job I enjoy, I have friends all over the world, I have faith. Makes me richer dan many others.

Money, material things...it’s just a tool.

{but I’ve got that too, and no, it’s not all his}.Tell us some funny drunk story.

I was drunk once in my life. Nothin’ funny about dat story. In fact, I appreciate it nevah being brought up again, if is all the same.

11. Do you like your body?

No all of it. But den, find me a woman who does. Every day we are shown the ‘ideal’ we should strive for, an’ is an impossible goal. He says I’m fine the way I am. Personally, I’d love to be taller. Curvier. {yeah, I’ve heard more than a mouthful/handful is a waste but ~shrug~}. I would love not to have the scars I do. An’ funny kine...I could, if I wanted...change that with a wish, a thought. I don’t. Because then I wouldn’t be me, right?

And the one thing I would absolutely change, I can’t.

12. Can you keep a diet?

Like in a box? In a closet?

{Mun here. There’s a running joke out of character that Beth has never actually eaten a full meal since she met Z. And we laugh about this, but the truth is, the poor thing has a hummingbird’s metabolism. And he takes great pains to make sure she does eat, even when she forgets, doesn’t want to, prefers to argue}

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?

Stop being mean to one another. Stop ruining the planet. Stop hurting people and animals and the like. Just....stop being a big bag of dicks. An’ while we’re at it...patriarchal culture hasn’t really worked out for us, has it? Maybe its time to let us women get stuff done?

14. Do you work?

I do. Hard. Up hill. Both ways. In the snow. And most of you will never understand how hard it is to protect and foster life, when half your soul is meant to destroy those very things, but we’ll figure it out.

Also, I’m a nurse. And I am good at it.

15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of your life, what would it be? Z’s grilled cheese sandwiches. Or steak. Rare and bloody and just this side of a little CPR getting it back up and running.

16. Would you get a tattoo?

Already got one, working on getting others. And some day, I’ll even get back home and get a very personal one.

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?The free clinic I help run with my friend Luc. We provide a service to the people in New York City, particularly Hell’s Kitchen and Harlem, that they might not have any other way of accessing. We treat everyone who walks in the doors, regardless of their ability to provide payment, we never ask questions, and we sometimes even go to people’s places to ensure they have their medications, but can’t come to us.Other than that, there’s a host of animal and people shelters, environmental causes and other charitable organizations I support when can, either with donations or volunteering.

18. Can you drive?Absolutely. I do have a driver’s license, and I have a car. Well, I have my brother’s car. But I try not to.

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?

“ ....I don’t... I...”

20. What was the last thing you cried for?

Not answerin’ dis. But mahalo for playin’.

21. Do you keep a journal?Yes, I do. It’s got sketches, little pieces and bits of my life in it, thoughts and such.

22. Is life fun?Depends on your definition of ‘fun’.

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?

...uhm, what?

24. What’s your dream car?

Ya know, I never was really da kine girl who cared about things like dat, but then I saw her.

I believe m’ exact words were. “Wow....an’ I thought YOU were hot.”

She’s a jaguar. Black. Sleek. And she purrs when he turns the key and...is it me or is it warm in here?

25. Are grades in school important?

Yes. An’ no. Learnin’ and education is critically important but not every child can be held to the same bench-mark. My braddah was really bad at math but he was really intelligent. I don’t always understand when people talk at me, but I have a ‘genius’ IQ. So how can you codify an’ standardise an individual’s ability to pass tests or base grades on behaviour an’ participation? Especially when every child is a little different than the next.On the other hand, good grades gave me a wealth of opportunity to attend the best schools.

The system is fundamentally flawed, but every child needs the opportunity to learn in a peaceable environment.

26. Describe your crush?

Mine.

I mean...

Tall, dark. Beautiful. At least two sins incarnate. Sultry. Salty. A little murdery but no one’s perfect. Might not be completely mentally stable, but who is?

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?Book: Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the WindBook: Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke LamoraAn’ actually, it wasn’ a movie but an episode of Game of Thrones. I watched in horror, an’ every part of my body an’ soul flinched and all I wanted to do was go and hold him and promise never again.And he would have sneered at me and shrugged, because his opinion would have been very...different...I think.

28. What was your last lie?“I don’t need you to love me.”29. Dumbest lie you ever told?

“I’m fine.”

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing?

Only in front of him.

#Mahalo! Kealoha <3 #She's Talking to Angels {Bethisms}#Making Wishes on Passing Cars|Answered Asks #Under cut because ridiculously long #A Little South of Heaven #multi-mused

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badgerkick0-blog · 6 years ago

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The Best Cinnamon Rolls Cheryl’s Famous Recipe – with step-by-step tutorial and tons of tips

This recipe for the best cinnamon rolls EVER will make you rethink who you are and every cinnamon roll recipe you’ve ever made! They are so light, so fluffy, and so amazing!

Well, today is a big, BIG day.

Several weeks ago, I quickly mentioned (in this Friday Thoughts post) that I had found “the cinnamon roll recipe to end all cinnamon roll recipes” and I asked if you had room in your heart for one more cinnamon roll recipe? Haha. Hundreds of you responded saying: uh, hello, are you crazy, BRING IT ON! While the other two of you said: don’t need another cinnamon roll recipe, thankyouverymuch.

I’ve been buried under requests for this recipe ever since. You’ve emailed. You’ve commented. You’ve found my personal Instagram account and stalked me there to ask for it. You’ve begged. You’ve pleaded. You’ve called. You’ve emailed and commented and asked again. 🙂

Although I had already made the recipe several times when I mentioned it that Friday, I wanted to make it several more times and take lots and lots of pictures in order to make sure I could provide the most foolproof recipe and preempt any troubleshooting. In total, I’ve made this best-ever cinnamon roll recipe at least nine times since my friend, Cheryl, gave it to me mid-December.

Speaking of Cheryl, I gotta give this lady all the credit. She’s the source of the greatest cinnamon roll recipe of all time! And she’s adorable (and so nice).

So is her husband. That’s him, Jean (pronounced John), making his other-worldly artisan bread. He’s a master bread baker. And Cheryl is one of the most accomplished, gourmet cooks and home bakers I’ve ever met. Like, she takes everything totally next level (they had us over for a Mediterranean-inspired dinner and I could barely eat, I was so in awe at the amazing spread). And these cinnamon rolls are no exception. Thank you, Cheryl! And thanks for letting me share the love with everybody about this recipe!

One of the most common phrases I’ve heard over the last couple weeks as you’ve requested this recipe is: I don’t know how they can be better than Gloria’s cinnamon rolls*, but I’m willing to try! (*Or these vanilla pudding cinnamon rolls or these Yukon gold cinnamon rolls.)

And trust me, I thought the same thing! The backstory is important here. So let me explain really quickly. At a church activity mid-December, I won an innocent-looking disposable square pan of cinnamon rolls as a Bunco prize. I’m wired to never turn down a pan of cinnamon rolls. When I found out Cheryl had made them, I was even more excited. I had no choice but to dig in right then and there even though the dice were still rolling. I was stunned. How could a cinnamon roll be this light and fluffy? This amazing? I mean, I don’t want to brag, but I already make a ridiculously great cinnamon roll, but these were totally beyond deliciousness, and I began to doubt everything I thought I knew about cinnamon rolls.

I cornered Cheryl in the hallway to ask if she’d be willing to share the recipe after several of us women basically ate the whole pan and unanimously agreed: these cinnamon rolls = lifechanging. I had to whip my phone out faster than an old western gunslinger because Cheryl started rattling off the recipe by memory and I wanted to type in every detail. In my mind, I had already decided that if the ingredient lineup and method was basically the same as the other beloved cinnamon roll recipes on my site, I’d just chalk it up to the fact that Cheryl had a magic cinnamon roll touch. I’d be sad for a minute that I was missing this magical cinnamon roll making gene, but I probably wouldn’t need or use a recipe that was a similar variation to others I make all the time.

But. That wasn’t the case at all. As she gave me the recipe, I realized this was a cinnamon roll game changer and unlike any cinnamon roll recipe I’d made before. Because the amount of variation was so great, I knew I could (and needed to) post it to stand alongside the other great cinnamon roll recipes in my archives.

And because the ingredients and mixing method and dough texture are unlike other cinnamon roll doughs I’ve made, the resulting cinnamon rolls are lighter in texture and much fluffier. You don’t have to take just my word for it either. I’ve already said before that Brian is the resident cinnamon roll snob. He doesn’t like it when I mess with a good thing, and he already loved the cinnamon roll recipes I’ve posted before. But even he agrees 100% that these are the best cinnamon rolls I’ve ever made.

I even dared make them for my Aunt Marilyn (who introduced me to Gloria’s recipe years ago!), Uncle Dan and cousin Lydia, who take “cinnamon roll snob” to a whole new level. Dan almost didn’t try them because he’s so loyal to Gloria’s recipe. After eating, analyzing, eating, and analyzing (that’s what I make you do if you come to my house), Lydia said they were “way better than any other recipe,” Marilyn admitted they were “absolutely incredible,” and Dan conceded that although he’d never say they were better than Gloria’s recipe, they were “definitely on the same level.” I’ve given so many of these cinnamon rolls away as I’ve tested the recipe; every single person has honestly raved over them (and I don’t think they are just saying that, because I’ve instructed all my friends that we can’t be friends unless they give me honest feedback on food I shove in their face.)

Phew! So there’s the background. I know some of you may not care about all that. But for those of you that have been loyal MKC readers and have fallen in love with any other cinnamon roll recipe on my site, you know that it is important to me to give you an explanation for why I’m posting yet another recipe for something I’ve already declared the best!

Here’s my ultimate disclaimer though:

If you have a cinnamon roll recipe that you love and have already deemed BEST EVER, stick with it! No need to change things now! I already know that this recipe may not be for everyone; the world was meant to be a cinnamon roll diverse place. However, if you love to try new recipes, have been looking for the cinnamon roll to end all cinnamon rolls, or you just want to expand your baking horizons, I think you are going to love this one.

Let’s get into the nitty gritty!

For this recipe, you can use a stand mixer or mix it by hand because it doesn’t require much kneading and the dough is not super stiff and hard to work with. I have recently been using this Danish dough hook aff. link (that one of you recommended!) for hand-mixed yeast doughs and it is a game changer.

I’ve made this cinnamon roll recipe in my Bosch Universal mixer aff. link and my KitchenAid stand mixer aff. link for testing purposes; I’ll always choose my Bosch for bread making because it’s superior at that kind of task, but a Kitchen Aid will do the job, too. Here’s a quick look at the comparison between these two stand mixers, if you are interested. This recipe doubles GREAT in the Bosch (haven’t tried a double batch in the KitchenAid).

Add 1/2 cup granulated sugar and 1/2 cup neutral-flavored oil to the mixer and pour in the 2 cups scalded milk.

What is scalded milk? It’s basically milk that’s been heated to just below a boil – doing so changes the protein structure in the milk (none of which I really understand). But what I do know is that the reason many yeast dough recipes calls for scalded milk is because it makes the bread/rolls lighter and fluffier! So do it!

I take the easy way out and microwave the milk for this recipe in a microwave-safe liquid measuring cup. Every microwave will vary, but I heat it for 2-minute increments until little bubbles start to form around the edges and it is steaming. You can do this on the stovetop, too. And yes, I’ve let it go too long and it actually boils, and no, I don’t start over, and yes, the rolls still turn out great (just be aware that boiling milk will foam and rise and most likely spill over so if it does, you’ll want to make sure you have a full 2 cups of hot milk to work with).

Let the milk/oil/sugar mixture rest for 15 minutes or so until the mixture is warm and not blistery hot. Add in the 4 cups all-purpose flour (I always use unbleached all-purpose) and then sprinkle the 1 tablespoon instant yeast on top of the flour. See the recipe below for how to substitute active dry yeast for the instant yeast.

If you’ve been a tad bit impatient like me and maybe, possibly, perhaps didn’t let the milk mixture cool off for the full 15 minutes, make sure the yeast is added on top of the flour so it isn’t incorporated straight into the hot milk.

Start mixing! The dough will be much wetter than a normal cinnamon roll dough. Don’t panic. Things will come together, I promise.

Mix until no dry streaks remain, scraping down the sides of the bowl if needed.

Now cover the bowl and let the wet dough (we’ll call it a sponge) rise until puffy and a little bubbly. This takes about 45 minutes to an hour in my kitchen. You can see a noticeable difference as the sponge has had time to rest and rise.

To the sponge, add 3/4 cup flour, 1/2 teaspoon baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, and 1 1/2 teaspoons salt.

Start mixing again. The dough doesn’t need to be kneaded, necessarily, but you definitely want to let it mix to fully incorporate all the dry ingredients. It will start out rough and shaggy looking but it will come together.

After about a minute of mixing, it should form a mass of dough that has smoothed out a bit (doesn’t look as rough and spiky). This dough is very soft! Resist the urge to add more flour. As long as it isn’t leaving lots of wet dough residue on the sides of the bowl, it should be ok.

If you are making the dough in a KitchenAid mixer, I suggest starting with the paddle attachment and moving to the dough hook after adding the last addition of flour, baking powder and baking soda. I find it’s harder to get clean sides of the bowl with this recipe when using the KitchenAid based on the shape of the dough hook and bowl, just try to avoid adding more flour unless it is just so sticky it is impossible to work with. Grease your hands with cooking spray and gather it into a smooth ball before deciding whether to add more flour.

The dough may leave some doughy bits of residue on your fingers or hands, but if you grab a small piece, you should be able to roll it into a somewhat sticky ball. Over flouring this dough will be the death of a great cinnamon roll, so persevere through a bit of stickiness if you can!

Pile the dough into a lightly greased bowl or container. You can see how soft and stretchy the dough is below.

Let the dough rise until doubled. The exact time will depend on the warmth of your kitchen, but it takes right about an hour to an hour and a half in my kitchen. I use these handy measured food storage containers for dough rising and about a million other things aff. link. If you live near a Standard Restaurant Supply store (or other restaurant supply store), you can pick them up in various sizes for less than the price on Amazon, FYI.

Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured counter (I use about 2-3 tablespoons flour) and roll out to about 12X18-inches. Pictured below is my favorite inexpensive and super awesome rolling pin – I have the 13 2/5-inch one aff. link. The size of the rectangle doesn’t have to be exact. I go for this size because it gives several spirals in the cinnamon roll, but if you like your cinnamon rolls puffier, roll the dough into a smaller rectangle so it is thicker. Spread the dough evenly with 8-12 tablespoons butter and sprinkle with cinnamon and brown sugar (I use about 3/4 cup brown sugar + 1 tablespoon cinnamon – Cheryl recommends adding cardamom to the sugar, too, which is delicious).

Favorite cinnamon = Penzey’s signature cinnamon blend (totally unsponsored but the only cinnamon I use)

Start rolling these bad boys up! Roll tightly without lifting and stretching the dough up and over. If the dough is stretched while rolling, the rolls may have a tendency to shrink while baking. Once rolled, pinch the edge lightly to seal and pat the roll into an even thickness. My rolled up cinnamon roll log usually ends up being about 20 inches long.

As a quick sidenote, I get this question a lot:

Why do cinnamon rolls shrink and gap while baking?

That is a great question. And one that has kept me up many a night. In my intense cinnamon roll research, I’ve found it can be due to a variety of things. 1) Stretching and pulling on the dough while rolling into a log (like I mentioned above). When I’ve stretched too much during this part of the process, I’ve noticed that the cinnamon rolls can shrink and gap while baking. 2) Too much butter and/or cinnamon and sugar filling. While baking, the sugar and butter melt (into that glorious buttery/sugary gooeyness), and if the sugar filling is really thick, that leaves a lot more opportunity for gapping after the rolls bake and cool. 3) Rolling the dough too thin. While this may mean less cinnamony spirals, a thicker cinnamon roll rectangle is going to gap less while baking. 4) Letting the cinnamon rolls rise too long before baking. Doing this can cause the cinnamon rolls to deflate slightly in the oven and shrink as they cool. 5) Cramming too many cinnamon rolls into a pan that is too small. When I’ve done this, the rolls press together too much while rising and then fall back and shrink while baking/cooling.

Ok, moving on. Now it’s time to cut the log into rolls! I cut the log in half first. And then I cut each half in half again. And lastly, I cut each of those fourths into thirds. Confused? Haha. It’s easier than it sounds. This inexpensive serrated knife aff. link is my go-to for cutting cinnamon rolls because it doesn’t crush the dough while cutting, but you can use unflavored dental floss or thread.

My preference is to use a half sheet pan for these rolls (the recipe makes 12 large cinnamon rolls).

These rolls need room to rise and I’ve learned the hard way that putting them in too small of a pan means they won’t be nearly as fluffy and delicious. Below is a picture of this same recipe (all 12 rolls) baking in a 9X13-inch pan. You can see how close they are together before they’ve even risen. And on the right, after baking, they’ve gapped a lot in the middle and the sides are burned/middles are doughy.

So make sure you give the rolls at least an inch in between so they can breathe and have room to live. You can certainly roll the dough into a large rectangle and make 15-16 rolls out of the batch, instead of 12. If they are smaller, they’ll probably fit in a 9X13-inch pan + an 8X8-inch pan just fine.

If you are making these to give away, I’ve found rolling them per the recipe (and getting 12 rolls out of the batch) and putting four rolls into an 8X8-inch pan is about perfect for baking smaller batches. Just the right amount of space to bake up fluffy and perfect. Here’s an example of a cinnamon roll baked in a square pan with three other rolls. Get a load of that fluffiness! It’s the perfect size of cinnamon roll if you ask me.

Once the rolls are placed on the baking pan, let them rise until very puffy and touching lightly on most sides (they may not be double in size, but close).

Bake the rolls at 350 degrees for 18-22 minutes (add time if needed). If you have convection bake, using that setting will help the rolls bake through to the center more quickly, but standard bake is fine, too.

While the rolls bake, make the frosting. You can frost them warm, or let the rolls cool a bit. I like to hit middle ground and frost while they are still just slightly warm so some of the frosting melts down into all the nooks and crannies but still stays a bit solidly soft on top.

Speaking of frosting, I’ve made a lot of cinnamon roll frostings over the years, and the icing I posted with these Yukon gold cinnamon rolls is hands down my favorite. It is the cinnamon roll icing I’ve been searching for my whole life. The delicate, creamy flavor (without an overpowering cream cheese presence) is the best, best, best. You can use various extracts to flavor it – maple, if that’s your thing (yum) or vanilla.

Lately, with the price of pure vanilla sky high, I’ve been experimenting more with emulsions (scary word that in this case just means flavoring). And wow, this butter vanilla emulsion aff. link adds the most insane yumminess to the cinnamon roll frosting. Kind of gives it a buttery sugar cookie vibe. In.the.frosting. It’s crazy good. And it’s only six bucks a bottle.

Incidentally as a sidenote, my 14-year old made these super soft chocolate chip cookies for a youth activity last week and used that butter vanilla emulsion in place of the vanilla extract and people were apparently saying they’d never had a cookie that tasted so amazing and wanted to know the secret. Emulsions! Haha.

And since we’re talking random bits of knowledge here, rolling things out on a lightly floured counter is one of my least favorite things to do in the history of ever because of the gummy mess it can leave while wiping up. That is, until I figured out my handy dandy bench knife/scraper aff. link could eliminate the hassle. I use this scraper for so many things, but scraping up floury, cinnamon roll gunk off my counter is one of the reasons it has earned its way into favorite tool status.

So there you have it! Have we covered everything? I think so! If you’ve made it this far (without skimming), you deserve a major award.

If you have any additional questions, ask away in the comments and I’ll respond as quickly as I can. I am SO excited for you to get your hands on this recipe and let me know what you think! Enough talking, go make some cinnamon rolls!

One Year Ago: Healthy Yogurt Oat Blueberry or Chocolate Chip! Muffins Two Years Ago: 7-Minute Spaghetti Squash Instant Pot/Pressure Cooker Three Years Ago: Perfect Roasted Vegetables 5 Simple Tips Four Years Ago: White Chocolate Oatmeal Craisin Coconut Cookies Five Years Ago: Light Lemon and Spinach Spaghetti

Yield: 12 large cinnamon rolls

Prep Time: 25 minutes

Cook Time: 20 minutes

Additional Time: 3 hours

Total Time: 3 hours 45 minutes

Ingredients

Sponge:

1/2 cup (3.75 ounces) granulated sugar

1/2 cup neutral-flavored oil

2 cups milk, scalded (heat to just below a boil)

4 cups (20 ounces) all-purpose flour (I use unbleached)

1 tablespoon instant yeast (see note for active dry yeast)

Dough:

3/4 cup (3.75 ounces) all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

Filling:

8-12 tablespoons butter, softened

3/4 cup (5.5 ounces) packed light brown sugar

1 tablespoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon cardamom (optional but delicious)

Icing:

2 ounces cream cheese, softened

8 tablespoons (1 stick, 4 ounces) butter, softened

Pinch salt

2 tablespoons milk or heavy cream

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 3/4 cups (7 ounces) powdered sugar

Instructions

In the bowl of a stand mixer (or in a bowl to mix by hand), add the sugar and oil. Pour in the scalded milk and mix. Let the mixture sit for 15 minutes or so until it is warm but not blazing hot.

Add the 4 cups flour and sprinkle the yeast on top of the flour. Mix until no dry streaks remain and scrape down the sides of the bowl if needed. The dough will be loose and wet-looking. Cover the bowl and let the sponge rest until puffy and doubled, 45 minutes to 1 hour, depending on the warmth of your kitchen.

Add the remaining 3/4 cup flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Mix until the flour is completely incorporated and the dough looks smooth instead of rough and shaggy. It may not necessarily clean the sides of the bowl but it should for a pretty cohesive mass. Add additional flour only if it is too sticky to handle or a small piece of dough won't form a ball in your hands (it's ok if it leaves some doughy residue on your fingers).

Scrape the dough into a lightly greased bowl or container, cover, and let rise until doubled, about an hour.

On a lightly floured counter (I use about 2-3 tablespoons flour), roll or pat the dough into about a 18X12-inch rectangle. Spread the softened butter evenly across the top. Combine the brown sugar and cinnamon (and cardamom, if using) in a bowl and sprinkle evenly across the top of the butter. Pat down very lightly.

Starting with one long end, start rolling the rectangle into a log without pulling and stretching on the dough (but still rolling as tightly as possible). Roll the seam to the bottom and pat the log into an even thickness - it should be about 20 inches long or so at this point.

Cut the log into 12 even pieces. Place the rolls on a parchment-lined half sheet pan, tucking the loose end of the roll underneath, if you want. The rolls should be about an inch apart so they have room to rise. Cover with lightly greased plastic wrap and let rise until noticeably puffy and almost doubled, about an hour.

Bake at 350 degrees F for 18-25 minutes until lightly golden and baked through. Let cool until warm before frosting.

For the frosting, add the cream cheese and butter to a medium bowl. Whip with a handheld (or stand) mixer until creamy. Add the salt, milk or cream, and vanilla. Mix again. Add the powdered sugar and whip until light and creamy.

Spread the slightly warm rolls evenly with the icing. Serve immediately or let cool completely and serve at room temperature (or warm lightly before serving).

Notes

If you only have active dry yeast, proof the same amount of yeast in a couple tablespoons of warm water and a pinch of sugar until the mixture bubbles and foams, 3-4 minutes. Add it to the recipe per the instructions (when the instant yeast is added).

This recipe doubles great (I've only doubled it in my Bosch mixer, not the KitchenAid).

Usually with a yeast dough recipe, I give a big ol' lecture about going by the texture and feel of the dough vs the exact flour amount. With this recipe, the flour amount is important - the dough will probably be softer and slightly stickier than you may be used to - try not to add additional flour. Use the pictures and details in the post to get an idea of how the dough should look and feel. Add additional flour a little at a time only if the dough is too sticky to work with.

Just like Gloria's recipe, these baked cinnamon rolls freeze amazingly well. After they've been frosted and cooled, I'll scoop the rolls one by one into a quart-size ziploc bag, seal and freeze. It gets a little messy with the frosting, but once they are lightly warmed, no one notices - they taste as fresh as the day they were made! It helps to take them out of the bag still frozen and then microwave for a minute or so on 50% power until warm and gooey.

Recipe Source: adapted slightly from a recipe from my friend, Cheryl R (cut the recipe down to smaller size, changed up the mixing method just a little)

Disclaimer: I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Posted on January 21, 2019 by Mel

Source: https://www.melskitchencafe.com/the-best-cinnamon-rolls/

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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paradisobound · 8 years ago

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Forever the One

Summary: When Omega Dan is of age, he is told by his father that he will be sold off to find an Alpha mate. Cue, Alpha Phil. Alpha Phil is in desperate need for a mate, and although Phil is only a few years older than Dan, he holds a reasoning behind why he needs a mate so quickly. When secrets are revealed that give up why Phil needed a mate, this story may not have a happy ending.

Chaptered Work: This is chapter 15 of 16.

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1,102

Authors Note: This is the shortest chapter of this short series but there wasn’t much I felt like I needed to write because the next chapter is the epilogue. But here is this chapter anyway! I hope you enjoy it! Happy reading! :)

*Masterlist*

Phil was released from the hospital after a month of being there. In that first month, it was so hard for me because I was completely alone trying to raise Little Phil.

Why was I completely alone?

Because Alpha Lester and Omega Lester moved out of their own house and gave Phil and I it so we could be an official family. Which meant that I was completely alone trying to raise a little newborn with absolutely no experience on what the hell to do.

I was stressed beyond belief and I cried all the time.

But when I got told that Phil would be coming home, I was never so happy.

I picked up Phil from the hospital with Omega Lester and we brought him home. He didn’t talk much but I could see the relief on his face to no longer be in that white walled hospital.

Once home, I felt ashamed that he would have to come into an unkempt house that looked absolutely destroyed. I had baby items everywhere! I had bottles thrown in the sink that needing washing and sterilizing and then I had dirty clothing thrown in just piles because I hadn’t had time to pick it up.

When trying to explain it to Phil, he just stopped me and hugged me gently which made me break down into tears and cry over how he was here to help me now. I was never so excited for something in my life.

With Phil now home, and still recovering, he helped quite a bit with little Phil. He fed him while I washed and tidied everything. When I needed to go and pick up more items, he stayed back so I could go. It really made everything helpful.

And within a few days, we had settled into a great routine together. Little Phil was now seven weeks old and he was learning how to roll onto his tummy. He was so strong and energetic already and it made me so incredibly happy to see. At his six week appointment, Phil and I had him tested and he showed absolutely no signs of carrying the same disease Phil had which meant he was going to be perfectly healthy. It was also at this appointment that we learned he was showing signs of being an Alpha, which of course made Phil excited.

Me, on the other hand, was not looking forward to having two Alpha males in the house but what could you do honestly? I loved them both the same regardless of what they were.

I was currently sat with Little Phil between my legs on the floor of our living room as Phil went to college for the day. He recovered well and even though he had to take it easy, he settled back into the normal routine of college and I was happy for him. He was still bettering himself and he didn’t have to.

Little Phil was particularly happy today, playing with his toys and holding his head up strongly. Alpha’s always grew a little bit more than Omega’s and at a faster rate so his skills were faster than most newborns.

I held him with my hand flat against his stomach as he grabbed for a fish plushy that Phil’s mother had gotten him. I helped him grab it and he giggled and smiled at it before letting it drop and leaning back in to me.

This meant he was getting tired now. So I picked him up and held him in my arms and rocked him, letting him fall asleep. I turned my head and kissed the side of his own, loving the smell he was omitting.

My little boy was so precious and perfect.

Phil found us both asleep on the floor when he came home from college. I know this because he took a photo of us and when I woke up, he showed me it. I quickly fed little Phil before changing his diaper and bringing him back into the living room with us where Phil told me how great he was feeling.

The doctor recommended that he begin light exercise to work and strength his lungs, so Phil and I had agreed to start going on walks together around the area. Most of the neighbors knew that I lived here with Phil and that we had a family so most didn’t pay any mind. In fact, a few even dropped over so food for me when they saw I was home alone and struggling.

But all in all, I was just so happy that everything worked well for Phil. He was taking pills in case of rejection but his body was showing no signs of rejecting the new set of lungs. Phil was also on medication to control he ruts until he was healthier, which was okay with me because I went back on my heat suppressants for the exact same reasoning.

It was amazing that we were a family finally. It was hard to even fathom. I went from being an Omega living with their parents, to coming of age and being sold off to be Phil’s, to mating and bonding with Phil, and now I have given birth to a wonderful little boy.

My life may not have looked okay at the beginning, but it certainly does now. And of course, I don’t know what the future is gonna hold for Phil and I, but I’m extremely gland that I can spend the rest of my future with him by my side. And that I get to fall asleep with him next to me every night, and wake up next to him every morning.

Life has blessed me in more ways that I can even explain but that’s what makes life so amazing. Life is just so unpredictable but yet, it’s also given me the best things in the world.

Looking at Phil who was sat next to me on the couch and holding Little Phil, I suddenly said, “Thank you.”

He furrowed his brows and stared at me, “For what?” He asked curiously.

“For making my life the best that it could have ever been,” I said tearing up, “For giving me you as such an amazing mate and giving us this little soul that you’re holding and that brightens our lives.”

He smiled at me and leaned over to kiss me, “You don’t need to thank me for any of that,” he said, “I should be thanking you.”

I smirked and leaned in to kiss him again, “I love you, my Alpha.”

“And I love you, my Omega.”

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#phan fic #phan fiction #phan smut #phan fluff #phan chaptered #phan omegaverse #omega!dan #alpha!phil #bottom!dan #top!phil #mpreg #first time #first love #forevertheone #happy ending #princesslexi763fic

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soaker87 · 8 years ago

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A Detailed Guide to Battle Spirits Anime

With Double Drive approaching a conclusion and no indication that we’re getting a new series right away, I’ve been meaning to do this.

Battle Spirits Shounen Toppa Bashin (2008) The plot- The series follows the daily adventures of 6th year elementary school student, Toppa Bashin, who has a mysterious red stone pendant from his father. One day he meets J Sawaragi, the consecutive tournament champion, who possesses a similar white stone. J challenges Bashin to a battle in the alternate universe, Isekai World, where spirits are real. Main Writer- Dai Sato, Director- Mitsuru Hongo, Character Designer- Miho Shimogasa Why to watch- The biggest strength of this series is the characters. They’re what drive this show. Character development is highly satisfying, and the relationships explored are various (friendships, rivalries, romance, family) and quite interesting. The series also has quite a bit of comedy, and some of the episodes are laugh-out-loud hilarious. While this season does have a plot, it puts a heavy influence on the slice-of-life aspect, making it a nice, relaxing show. Getting to know the daily lives of the characters also helps make them feel like real people. The art style to this season is adorable, being the only series to date with Miho Shimogasa as the main character designer. Additionally, it breaks some tired stereotypes of kids anime that even some of the later series fail at. The female characters are competent, and can win in important matches, against characters other than fodder enemy-of-the-week and other girls. And the handling of Meganeko, the obligatory non-battler childhood friend with a crush on the MC is quite possibly the highlight of the show. Additionally, adults are treated as actual characters, including some of the parent/guardian figures. And the most developed romance is between two adult characters. Why not to watch- Depending on your investment in the card game itself, you might not like this series. Because despite being a toy commercial, this aspect is surprisingly downplayed. The battles almost always skip over turns just to get to the “good” parts. And on top of that, they’re very unrealistic by normal game standards. Battle Spirits is meant to be a quick game, and sometimes the anime battles will reach 30+ turns. Also, since this is the first anime, the card game is still rather undeveloped and simple. If you’re used to seeing Braves, Bursts, Ultimates, and other later mechanics, you may be underwhelmed. Even two of the colors don’t exist at the start of the anime. Game aspects aside, the animation and CG in this series really aren’t that great. Especially the CG, which can be outright distracting. Also, because of focusing a lot on the characters and slice-of-life, it’s not the most plot-heavy entry in the franchise, although it still fares better than some in that aspect. Battle Spirits Shounen Gekiha Dan (2009) The plot- A 12-year-old boy named Dan Bashin is taken to the alternate world of Grand Rolo by two mysterious siblings, Yuuki and Kajitsu Momose. There, he learns that he's one of the chosen core soldiers, bearing the light of the red core. Along with the other soldiers, he must save Grand Rolo from Otherworld King, who has been exploiting the world’s natives. Main Writer- Atsuhiro Tomioka, Director- Akira Nishimori, Character Designer- Yoshinori Yumoto Why to watch- Gekiha Dan has a nice, serious story to it. Although of course it’s meant to promote the game (the plot itself plays very much into the TCG’s own lore) it doesn’t sacrifice storytelling for a cheap excuse to show off new cards. Also, despite being a kids show, it’s not afraid to go into more mature and even taboo directions. We’ve got a kid who was bullied so much he has crippling social issues, a web idol being stalked, and a brother/sister romance for starters. Not to say that the series is totally dark and edgy either. It still manages to have a lot of lighthearted comedy. The characters in this series manage to be pretty fun and likeable. As of this series, Sunrise D.I.D. takes over the CG aspect, and it starts to look less distracting. Why not to watch- While trying to balance some heavier stuff as well as comedy could be seen as a strength, on the flip side, it could be seen as a heavy case of mood whiplash. And if you liked some of the silly stuff, the serious aspects could come as a turn-off, or vice-versa. There’s also the fact that Brave, which comes after chronologically and involves the same characters, is considered a lot better. So this series could be looked at as a 50-episode obstacle one has to get through just to get to Brave. Yes, one probably could watch Brave first. It just would have much more impact if you watch Gekiha Dan first. If you watched Toppa Bashin before this series, and aren’t as invested in the card game aspect, you also might be disappointed. Starting with Gekiha Dan, the battles become longer and more prominent. Battle Spirits Brave (2010) The plot- Dan wishes to have exciting battles like in Grand Rolo again. He gets his chance when Mai invites him to the future, where the humans are being conquered by demons. There, he joins the crew of The Beautiful Sophia, and creates a deck based upon the newest type of cards, Brave Main Writer- Atsuhiro Tomioka, Director- Akira Nishimori, Character Designer- Yoshinori Yumoto, Tetsuya Ishikawa Why to watch- Brave is the fan-favorite series for good reason. It pushes its boundaries even further than Gekiha Dan did. The writers probably thought ‘yeah, we have to sell cards, but how do we do it as epically as possible?’ The answer: make the stakes higher and the characters more mature. After everything Dan and the others went through in their time in Grand Rolo, their lives were naturally changed. The characters aren’t exactly the same as they were back then. And now, they have the save the world all over again. The new characters are extremely interesting, as are the dynamics. Dan and Barone have one of the best hero/rival dynamics in the franchise, especially after Gekiha Dan, where Dan and his primary “rival” Yuuki hardly interacted. Of course, with the series centering on a conflict between two different races (human and mazoku) it has to play up on how they’re different and alike. There are biases to overcome. Characters like Youth (human) and Rugain (mazoku) develop an awkward friendship with each other, for instance. It should also be noted that this is the first (and so far, only) Battle Spirits anime to have a serious romantic subplot involving the protagonist. And it’s very well-received by the fans, even when many canon romances can come off as forced. Why not to watch- If you want something lighthearted, this series is not for you. While there is a little comedy, compared to the past two series, it’s basically non-existent. It’s not to say Brave is super grimdark, but it’s still the heaviest entry in the franchise. One disappointment about this series, if you watched Gekiha, is that some of the characters from that season are shafted in favor of the new ones. Clackey, Suzuri and Kenzo suffer the most from this. They’re around, but they don’t get to do nearly as much as they did in the previous season. Even Mai, while still an important character, doesn’t get any battles until late into the show. It can be frustrating, as she was the primary action girl in Gekiha Dan. And Zungurii and Magisa don’t appear in this series at all (though Stella is basically Magisa 2.0). There is one arc in the middle of the show, the Prison General arc, which is extremely repetitive and tedious. But fortunately, It’s not that long, and even has some good moments. Battle Spirits Heroes (2011) The plot- The series centers around Hajime Hinobori, whose parents built a battle system to fulfill his dream of seeing the spirits alive and battle for him. He went on a journey with his friends and joined many tournaments. He entered the Battle Spirits World Competition to test his skills on different card battlers. Main Writer- Atsuhiro Tomioka, Director- Akira Nishimori(eps 1-15), Masaki Watanabe(eps 16-50), Character Designer- Ryou Hirata Why to watch- Heroes is a departure from the serious tone of the last two seasons. If you like silliness, this season is full of it. There’s absolutely no fourth wall, and the series makes various references to previous seasons of Battle Spirits, which are apparently fictional in the world of Heroes. The characters are absolutely quirky, and a lot of fun. Hajime, the protagonist, is romantically in love with Battle Spirits and crazy over seasoned rice. Kimari, the heroine, is a borderline villain obsessed with world domination. Kouta, Kimari’s younger brother, is a hardcore Pentan collector able to make gags and references no kid his age should get. The series has some legitimately touching moments. Especially later into the series. The final ten-or-so episodes are top-tier writing. Actually, the second half in general is a huge improvement over the first. Why not to watch- Unfortunately, plot is thrown almost completely out the window. The series is based around three rounds of a tournament, and padded with filler in between them. There are a lot of episodes which are ultimately skip-able, even some within the first two tournaments. Also, unlike in Shounen Toppa Bashin, this series isn’t big on slice-of-life and developing the characters. Although there is some development, most stay pretty static, and the emphasis is on the jokes. One’s tolerance on this series really depends on how funny they find it. Also, because this series introduced Bursts, it goes all out promoting them. Basically, it implies Bursts are the best kind of card ever, and anyone who doesn’t have a deck focused on them is probably an idiot who can never win. A couple very early episodes show some of the main Brave cards featured in the previous series being trashed, just to send this message home. If you liked the fantasy and supernatural elements in the previous series, you’ll also be disappointed with this one. There is actually one episode involving vampires, and it’s actually a plot-important one, but it seems totally out-of-place with how normal the rest of the show is. Battle Spirits Sword Eyes/Battle Spirits Sword Eyes Gekitouden (2012) *The title of this series was changed inexplicably after the 29th episode. The plot- Atlantia, the largest country of Legendia is torn apart by riots. 14 years later, a boy named Tsurugi Tatewaki, who was taken away from the chaos, meets Bringer, a card battler droid destined to protect Tsurugi. Tsurugi is trained in Battle Spirits to face the army of darkness, who is trying to gather the 12 Sword Braves to summon the Sword of Judgment. Main Writer- Atsuhiro Tomioka, Director- Masaki Watanabe, Character Designer- Tomoshige Inayoshi Why to watch- Once again, this series puts an emphasis on the plot. Similar to Gekiha Dan, the series is set in a fantasy world, allowing for all sorts of flexibility. The plot itself is one of the most complex and interesting ones in the franchise. Though this could be taken as a plus or minus, it’s surprisingly political. The show puts a lot of emphasis on the proper role of a king, and how involved they should be in the lives of the people they rule. The main character and rival being royal siblings, this makes sense. The conflict between light and dark is at the center of the series, but it’s handled in a mature way, definitely emphasizing that light and dark =/= good and evil. The characters are all shown to have reasons for what they do, and are multi-dimensional. Some are quirky, but aren’t defined by their quirks or treated as living running-gags. The plot has some pretty good twists as it goes along. It doesn’t quite reach the level of Gekiha Dan and Brave, but still worth noting. Why not to watch- Despite how good the characters in this show are, there are just too many in the main cast. There are two main battlers for each color (excluding red) plus Garudos, Grenada, Bringer and Long in the “main” cast. And that’s not even counting all the various support cast. So naturally, some characters get screwed over more than others. The characters who get their Sword Braves in the beginning don’t get a lot to do in the later episodes. The ones who get it late don’t do much early on. Or in some cases, like Haqua, just don’t appear until a bit into the series, despite being featured on the OP from the very beginning. Related to the last point, but this series is the first to be heavily affected by the release of the actual card sets. Having only two sword Braves released per set only helped to screw over some of the characters. Characters who didn’t have their Sword Brave either simply didn’t battle until they got it, or would just lose, because obviously, not having the type of signature card featured in the show makes one an inferior battler. You hear that, kids watching? Okay, so Heroes did that too with Bursts, but less frustratingly, because at least then the characters weren’t confined to using particular bursts, so many characters had key cards already by the first set. Also, while this is one of the better series in terms of having a serious, mature and consistent plot, if you’re expecting things to get as dark and screwed up as in Gekiha Dan and Brave, you’re going to be disappointed. It’s still lighter in tone than those two. Saikyo Ginga Ultimate Zero Battle Spirits (2013) The plot- Rei is an adventurer called a "Card Quester." He wishes to collect strong cards scattered throughout space, and battle with his rivals unfold. Soon enough, he will discover what happened to his own past. Main Writer- Atsuhiro Tomioka, Director- Masaki Watanabe, Character Designer- Tetsuya Ishikawa Why to watch- Of all the series, this one puts the most emphasis on style. Artistically, this is the best looking series hands down. Tetsuya Ishikawa’s work is fabulous. Rei, the protagonist, takes on multiple different forms for each color in the game, each with intricate designs and each with a shirtless magical-boy transformation scene. Each form also gives him a unique personality. Some of the other characters also get multiple forms, with transformation scenes of their own, though they retain one personality throughout. If you like fanservice, this season is full of it, both for the male and female characters. The transformation scenes aside, the second ED theme shows the characters at a beach. And the manga takes it a step further, having a full hot springs chapter. UZ is definitely fun. It’s another series that focuses a lot on the comedy aspect. Most of the characters have ridiculous quirks, including the villains. The main recurring enemies, The Galaxy Triumvirate, are basically Team Rocket. Why not to watch- Quite bluntly, it’s style over substance. The series does have a plot, but it wastes a lot of time with goofy filler that contributes nothing to it. A lot of the characters are pretty one-note as well, especially Laila and Rikuto, the two tag-along kids with Rei. They aren’t entirely useless, and both can battle, but for the most part, they’re just a cheer squad who could disappear and have no impact on anything. Proof that the “plot” is really not of much importance to the writers is that the actual main villain of the series doesn’t appear until almost the very end of the show. In a sense, it feels like a waste of a character. The biggest issue with this show, however, is how overpowered Rei himself is. By the rules of this series, Ultimates are a type of card that only battlers chosen by the Ultimates themselves can use. And they’re cards which are so powerful (even by real-life standards at the time this show came out) that normal cards simply can’t compete with them. Rei gets lots of them, and repetitively curb stomps everyone, even other Ultimate-users. He’s the first protagonist ever to defeat the rival in one try. It’s simply kind of irritating when no one else can compare. Battle Spirits Burning Soul (2015) The plot- The Battle Spirits Warring States Era is on rise. The IBSA has at least created a virtual system for spirits to battle in 3D. Thanks to this, the popularity of Battle Spirits has erupted all over the nation. All over, rivalries like that of local warlords have broken out between champion battlers. The battlers have but one objective, reach the top in Battle Spirits... Therefore unifying the nation. Main Writer- Katsumi Hasegawa, Director- Kunihisa Sugishima, Character Designer- Kenta Shinohara (adapted by Yoshinori Yumoto) Why to watch- On paper, the premise is an interesting one. Base the characters on people from the Warring States Era and have them battle to try and rule the world. The beginning episodes of the show are actually pretty good. Especially when the villains finally start making their move. Toshiie is also a fantastic character. He should have been in a better show. He has sympathetic motives, is a rival who is a genuinely good person and not a jerkass, and gets a really good subplot with an emotional conclusion. Heck, a lot of the characters come off as pretty cool. Again, on paper. One thing that was nice about this series is that it wasn’t entirely focused only on showing off the newest cards. You get to see a lot of cards from the older sets. There’s even a whole episode (though it doesn’t actually fit in the continuity) crossing this season over with Shounen Toppa Bashin. Why not to watch- As one can probably see in my struggle to find good points, this series has a lot of problems. The biggest one is the “plot”. Despite the interesting premise, despite the strong beginning, it fizzles out and badly. The series ultimately turns into one giant tournament arc. While this was done previously in Heroes, at the very least, that series made no attempts to hide its nature from the beginning. With Burning Soul, it was really disappointing, because it seemed to be more, and then every bit of plot-thread from before was utterly forgotten to focus on the tournament. And of course, being a tournament arc, every battle from then on became predictable. We knew Yukimura and Dairokuten Maou would be the final two. We knew everyone else would lose. There were a few decent battles in there, like Toshi vs. Kanetsugu. But for the most part, it was bland, and the battles took up the bulk of the episode, leaving almost no room for anything else. Secondly, if you thought Rei was an overpowered protagonist, Yukimura manages to be even worse. This is the character who can win 100 matches in a row. Even if they’re all against fodder, there’s got to be at least one loss in there by virtue of bad luck. He’s the character who, after having his key card sent to the bottom of the deck, manages to bring it back to the top and bring it out again. Almost every character is a total joke compared to him. They just can’t win no matter what. Finally, this series is absolutely terrible at handling its female characters, which is notable when the franchise is usually pretty great with it. Souun is the only main female battler, and she regularly loses to everyone except unskilled children and fodder. Her main goal (to surpass Kanetsugu) is dropped and never mentioned again. And that’s not getting into what happens to her later into the series. The other female characters are non-battlers, excluding one who isn’t introduced until much later on. (Sadly, this show still does a better job in this field than Double Drive.) Battle Spirits Double Drive (2016) The plot- Shunta Mogami loves the Battle Spirits game. One day he is transported by a light from a Battle Spirits card to Spirits World, the origin of all Battle Spirits. He meets a girl named Eto, who claims to have summoned him to Spirits World in order to prevent its destruction at the hands of the revived Evil God-King, who once plotted the destruction of Spirits World before being defeated and sealed away. Together with the confident, green-deck-wielding Yoku Albatrosa, who also came from another world, Shunta sets out to find the twelve God-Kings whose power originally sealed the Evil God-King. Main Writer- Katsumi Hasegawa, Director- Kunihisa Sugishima, Character Designer- Naoki Iwamoto (adapted by Yoshinori Yumoto) Why to watch- Is it sad to just say ‘because it’s more entertaining than Burning Soul’? Actually, this series does try to have a plot. There are some interesting ideas behind it. All Battle Spirits worlds are linked. And now, all of them are in danger of destruction because the Evil God-King might be resurrected and destroy the central Spirits World. So right from the get-go, the stakes are pretty high. The series also is the first to have two protagonists instead of one. This actually manages to ease the problem of an overpowered hero the last two series had. Because there’s not just one hero. The concept is used well. Shunta and Yoku have their glaring differences, but also things in common. It makes for a pretty good dynamic between the two of them. On top of that, both Shunta and Yoku are allowed to lose, even in important battles. That’s refreshing. There are also some legitimately interesting characters on the villains side, who are more than what they seem on the surface. Especially Kazuya, once his backstory is revealed. Why not to watch- Largely because the execution is terrible. The show basically just repeats the same formula over and over again. Characters look for 12 God-King cards. Characters battle over them. Characters lose their cards. Characters have to battle again to get their cards back. With all the potential this series has, it’s kind of a shame that’s all they really do with it. The Soul Spot idea was interesting for a bit of variety, but ultimately it’s just a plot device to allow the characters to get more cards. And they pop up way too conveniently. Most of the characterization is also pretty awful. Again, there are interesting ideas, but it all tends to fall flat. Sandrat is the most brutal case, who gets a whole episode that seems to “develop” his character, but it’s utterly reset afterwards. And as for the girls, only one (who doesn’t get introduced until later) is a battler, and not an especially competent one. The main two, the writers didn’t even bother to give much personality or even a proper role to. They basically just stand around and are the definition of pointless.

#Battle Spirits #shounen toppa bashin #Shounen Gekiha Dan #brave #heroes #sword eyes #saikyo ginga ultimate zero #burning soul #Double Drive

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elevenhoursinfront-blog · 8 years ago

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5th March 2017

I fell asleep within 10 seconds last night. I love it when that happens and it often does. I can sleep for hours on end and fall asleep within minutes. I’d say I’m fairly lucky. I wasn’t happy when my alarm went off though. Again, Steve was awake before me. Weirdo. I don’t understand people who don’t sleep when they have the opportunity too... I guess that’s why I was 15 days late in my mothers stomach. I was too busy sleeping.

We got up and went down for breakfast. Jacob and Eve checked out before I woke up. They weren’t in when I went to bed either. Ruth and Mel were packing their bags as they were checking out today, too. Maddy (Madeline), the girl from France is checking out tomorrow which is a shame as we were only just starting to get to know her. There’s a man here also from Northern Ireland but I don’t know his name. He checked in yesterday. We met the girls at breakfast. Ruth was feeling loads better and was starving! She hadn’t eaten for nearly two days so I was glad she wanted food. I conveniently ran out of time at breakfast so I couldn’t do the washing up... I had to leave Steve to do it as I went to start work. Perfect timing if you ask me. Everyone in the hostel was hungover, badly. The hostel was an absolute mess. I have never seen so much glitter in all my life. I was on rooms again with a girl called Megan. You’re meant to have 3 people clean the rooms but staff levels were low. A boy called Dan was on bathrooms. We all went round together at a slow pace, dreaming of bed. I really liked Dan - we were laughing all morning. 2E was an absolute nightmare to clean. 3 black bin bags I went through to clear the floor. 3! Most people were in bed still drunk. Luckily, it wasn’t a deep clean today so we could overlook all the clothes and belongings on the floor. I did however, have to wait to use the bathroom because a girl was too busy chucking up her alcohol from last night...

By the time I finished work, I had a new roommate. He is from a French island somewhere... I can’t pronounce it. I think it might have began with M. I also cannot pronounce his name, but I think that also began with M. Therefore, I will refer to him as ‘M’. His English isn’t fantastic but still 99.9% better than my go at French. Bonjour (that’s my 0.01%, in case you hadn’t realised).

I got in the shower and applied for more jobs. Steve was watching something on his phone and hadn’t really spoke to me. Must’ve been football or boxing of some sort. I’m second in his life when it comes to sports. Until his team are losing... Then I magically exist again. It’s all so magical. Magic.

By the time Steve was finished with whatever it was he was doing, we were starving. It was 1430. We both went down to make some lunch. Mel was still in the kitchen having checked out at 1000. Hostels allow you to store your bags and use the level one facilities, like TV room, kitchen and bathrooms until you need to leave. Ruth had left after breakfast. She had to get a flight to New Zealand first, then to Ireland. Mel was leaving at 1800 as her bus was collecting her from Pitt Street (near to central station) at 1900. Steve and I made pesto pasta. Not particularly gourmet but edible. One thing I’ve learnt about travelling is that pasta and rice are the most consumed foods. I don’t think the youth of today know how to cook. Including me. I only know how to sort of cook now thanks to Slimming World. We sat down in the kitchen and spoke to Mel for the next few hours until she had to leave. She had been with Ruth for the last couple of months so she was feeling lonely. I hate anyone feeling that way. She tried to persuade us to move to Melbourne with her. She said it was much better than Sydney. The day she arrived here, she booked her bus back.

I would love to go. We all went to Coles so Mel could get some snacks. Steve said he was peckish too (of course). When we got there, Steve decided he didn’t want anything... Mel grabbed cheese rolls and crisps for her journey. The night bus takes 12 hours 1900-0700 from Sydney to Melbourne for $65. It’s the cheapest way. Shortly after, we said goodbye to Mel. We walked her to the station. We went back to the hostel and sort of decided that we are going to move to Melbourne. Maybe. We both were saying how much we wanted to go and realised, we can? It makes sense to go. We’re both bored of Sydney and why waste 3 months of our limited visa in one place? If we leave now, we still have 2 months of saving before farm work. For sure, there are cons. Which is why I made us do a ‘Pros vs Cons’ list. I’m so proactive.

The downsides to leaving is that Steve has an income here. We are settled here and we’ll be going into the unknown. Will we be wasting time and money moving states and cities? My argument is that this whole year is about being out of our comfort zones. Life begins out of the comfort zone. Who knows what going to Melbourne will bring us. A ship in a harbour is safe, but that’s not what a ship is built for... We’re going to look into it more seriously tomorrow. We would need to book a hostel and our overnight bus pronto if we wanted to leave. And, even though the overnight bus is $65, we wouldn’t need accommodation for one night that we pay $30 for. So technically, the bus costs $35! My head is all over the place though. I have two people on my shoulders arguing about it. It’s like having my mum and dad on my shoulders but not quite as argumentative, brutal, bias, bitchy, or constant. Joking guys...

We managed to FaceTime Steve’s mum. Luckily, Mark (Steve’s dad) and Joe (Steve’s brother) were in the background so we could see/speak to them, sort of. Even if it was just the word ‘Hi’. It was lovely speaking to them properly and hearing their voices. Steve seemed quite keen over it too and he’s not exactly a ‘family man’. (Deep down I reckon he is, but he acts the tough boy). After that, we managed to FaceTime Steve’s Nan and Grandad. Once they worked out how to use it. We rang Nan first but didn’t get her picture. We rang Grandad and he didn’t answer. Steve reckons he couldn’t hear the phone. We text Nan asking her to answer Grandad’s phone and they did together. It was lovely seeing them. It wasn’t a great connection, but it was enough. We spoke for a while and it cheered us up. Being away from home makes you realise how important family is. Never take them for granted. After that, Steve decided he was actually peckish... Back to Coles we went. He saw a staff member called Samantha and as they were wearing the work badge, it said ‘Samantha Coles’. Odd right? Before we could pick anything up, the fire alarm went off. Everyone was evacuated for 20 minutes for a fire that didn’t exist. As Steve’s Nan would say, never a dull moment! We went back inside and we picked up a few bits.

We went back to the hostel and Sam from Basildon had been moved back into our room... Great. He moaned because he had a top bunk. I secretly loved it. That’s about as mean as I get.

We also had two new roommates but they were long term stayers like us so we knew them. They’re from Edinburgh. They’ll be moving to another room tomorrow. People that stay here for a while are moved about often depending on sales. Haven’t asked for their names mind you, a boy and girl. I worked with the girl on the first day of cleaning as she works for accommodation too. You don’t really think about asking for peoples names 3 hours deep into conversation with them. It just seems rude. You always just accept the fact that you know each other, you speak often but you have absolutely no idea what their names are.

Alarm on again for work at 1000. I do enjoy it and the time goes by really fast. I’d probably look into cleaning elsewhere. I enjoy it and it’s like a full body workout too. I hate cleaning my own room and house though. It’s always better when it’s somebody else’s. My mum would be laughing at me right now. I don’t clean at home. Not really.

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enthusiasticsobrietyabuse · 4 years ago

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Transcript of 1979 60 Minutes Story on Bob Meehan with Dan Rather

Transcript of 1979 60-minutes follow up story on Bob Meehan "PDAP" DAN RATHER: P-D-A-P, PDAP, stands for the Palmer Drug Abuse Program, founded nearly nine years ago in the basement of Houston's Palmer Episcopal Church. PDAP first became known outside Texas when People magazine printed a feature about 15-year-old Carrie Hamilton, the daughter of TV star Carol Burnett and producer Joe Hamilton. Carrie had become a drug addict, and her parents sent her to PDAP, where she kicked the habit. The founder and leader of PDAP when we first broadcast this story last January was a former addict and alcoholic named Bob Meehan. To some, Meehan was a miracle worker, bringing God and clean living back to young people's lives. Others said he just got the youngsters dependent on him and PDAP in place of their former dependence on drugs and alcohol For Meehan himself, the message was: Do it my way, or leave. BOB MEEHAN: Now, I'm saying this is- this program works for a group of people. If it doesn't work for you, try another one. Don't tell me to change this one, because it's already working for this group of people. It's my way or it's the highway. Go find another program. There are 22 Mickey Mouse programs running around in our area. Go to one of them. You don't have to stay. We're not keeping you here. You're not in chains. You walk the doors, you live at home, you go to school. You're not in chains. You know, we're not controlling you in any way, shape or form. You don't like it, leave. RATHER: PDAP operates in meeting rooms donated by more than 30 churches in Houston; has branches in nine other Texas cities, and Denver, Colorado; and starting next month, in Los Angeles. There are no membership fees. The two and a half million dollar budget is raised from the community through an increasingly necessary fund-raising campaign. It is not a residential program. Youngsters live at home or on their own, except for a small number from out of town, like Carrie Hamilton, who stay with volunteer families. A substantial number may spend a month or more in a PDAP-affiliated hospital. PDAP is a drug-oriented, youth-oriented version of Alcoholics Anonymous. The members go to meetings: day meetings, night meetings; even a few times a year, 24-hour meetings. No drugs, no alcohol, as little contact as possible with anyone who uses either. It preaches a way of life, and that outside the chosen path lies disaster. GIRL (at PDAP): This is my 29th day of sobriety. (Cheers, applause) RATHER: The program's tools are peer pressure and peer support, laced with a heavy dose of getting yourself tight with God, with others and with yourself. All of it encouraged and directed by a staff of PDAP trained and paid counselors who are themselves ex-drug abusers. COUNSELOR: It's real easy to get into a negative place, you know. So what we do up here is we learn how to be positive. Does anybody want to share? RATHER: Members are told to steer clear of non-members, and to attend as many meetings as they can, meetings which combine the kind of public confessional popular in certain churches with a dose of amateur group therapy. GIRL: And yesterday, I was in a car accident. I wrecked the only material thing that I had that meant anything to me, my car. And it was the only thing I had that could get me to California. And I- I just sat in the car, and I wasn't angry, where normally I would be angry for what happened. And I didn't want to go get high. For the first time in my life, I did not want to get high. As far as I'm concerned, this is my first day here, because this is the first day I'm giving a hundred percent. I led a meeting yesterday on risk, and I haven't been willing to take that risk. I haven't been willing. I have thousands of people in PDAP that love me, and they- they don't even know me, some of them. And I'm willing to give it all. I'm finally willing. (Applause) RATHER: Some of these PDAP members are well into their twenties. But much younger drug users, some only eleven or twelve, attend other meetings. BOY: I've been having a lot- a lot of

problems, because I- I didn't admit that mind-changing chemicals have messed up at least part of my life. And I know that they have, because I've been stealing from my brother, and doing anything just to get high, you know. RATHER: At just about every meeting, someone gets a monkey fist-a braided leather ball at the end of a leather necklace. GIRL: Get a 30-days fist by staying straight 30 days consecutively in a row. RATHER: Kids who already have their fist bear witness. GIRL: You just came in my life at a real special time. You know, you kind of replaced a void that I was feeling, and I've just watched you grow a whole lot. You're real special to me, and I really like having a little brother. I love you. (Cheers, applause...chanting) MEEHAN: When one walks in the doors he must think that anybody that takes a drink, smokes a joint, is a complete loser. Pick winners is the- pick people that- that you respect, that you look up to, that- that offer you a way of life that you think you'd like. (On phone): See if you can get me Larry Layden. RATHER: Bob Meehan is a winner. From the depths of drunkenness and addiction, he has risen to head a multi-million-dollar program with a paid staff of more than 300 ex-addicts. Judges, ministers, company presidents, sit on his boards of directors and contribute to his programs. Meehan's income has risen as his program has grown from nearly nothing to more than $100,00 a year - in salary from PDAP and from consultant fees from hospitals and corporations as an advisor on drug abuse and its cure. And he says he's worth it. MEEHAN: I have a great head. I know more about this problem than anybody I know. I'm the most together person I know. And if anybody wants to know what to do about the problem in a business, they consult with me, they're going to get the right answers. And I am very expensive. If I wasn't making money, you wouldn't be here today, partner. WOMAN: May we have a few moments of silence. RATHER: Parents, too, are part of PDAP. Something less than half the parents whose kids are in the program are active. In PDAP parlance, these are the good parents. They also support the organization financially. Parents give 30 percent of the cost of PDAP. The other 20 percent comes from donations from corporations and foundations. MAN: God, I love you all. (Groups responds...applause) RATHER: Does the program work? Do the kids get off drugs and stay off? Meehan and his colleagues have repeatedly said that they are 75 to 80 percent successful-but when they are pressed, they day that those figures refer only to the percentage of kids who stay straight for 30 days and get their monkey fist. And when Meehan is pressed further, even that doesn't hold up too well. MEEHAN: What is success? What are we going to use as a definition for success? To me, it's one who has become a dues-paying member of society, has returned to school, no longer has a chemical problem-okay?-is moving on to enjoy life to its fullest, and being part of what you and I consider society. In that area, we are more successful than anybody I know of. What about the bottom line dry statistics? Fine. Mr. Rather, 60 MINUTES, if you care to give me $75,000 to do that kind of study and hire the statisticians necessary to do it, I will. RATHER: Are you saying to me that you don't have any data to back up your claim that you're 75 to 80 percent successful? MEEHAN: We have- the data we have is quite different from data anybody else has. And see, we don't keep records on people. You- if- if your children came to us, they don't have to give us their right name. They want help, they stay. They don't, they leave. RATHER: But- pardon me for interrupting-but that- that's part of the problem. MEEHAN: No stats, yes. We- RATHER: Again, you see, I find that an absolutely astonishing thing, that you would say, "Mr. Rather, I don't even know the names of most people who come into our place." MEEHAN: That's right. We're not here for names. We're here to show people a better way to live. RATHER: Okay, but- MEEHAN: If you

want it, stay. You don't, leave. RATHER: You can't give me a figure: these are the numbers of people that we had come through our doors nationwide? MEEHAN: No, we don't have time. We get 400 calls a day from all over the world. RATHER: Okay. But you don't know how many are coming through the door. MEEHAN: No. RATHER: So, how can you day you're 75 to 80 percent successful? MEEHAN: Because of the times that I ran groups, I knew, when I knew the kids in the group, when I saw how many came in-when I was running a group myself-I saw how many came in, and I knew what it was. RATHER: Mr. Meehan, I don't doubt for a moment that you did that. But when you boil it down, what you've got is a guess. MEEHAN: Oh, definitely. Oh, you're right. Definitely, a guess. RATHER: Okay, so when you say you're 75 to 80 percent effective, you're guessing. MEEHAN: I'd like to say 70. RATHER: All right, let's say 70. Let's- let's take a conservative figure. Do you consider that to be conservative? MEEHAN: No. Conservative, 65 to 70. RATHER: All right, 65 to 70. MEEHAN: Okay. RATHER: I note that we're already down from 75 to 80 percent down to 65 to 70. MEEHAN: I- do- you haven't talked to me. RATHER: All right, you- you say 65 to 70. But I say, is that your guess as to how effective you are? MEEHAN: That's my guess. RATHER: When we talked to someone in Dallas, who was very complimentary about the program, but they noted that, in Dallas, that your people had said they had 2,000 PDAP members in the Dallas area, but when they actually got down to counting heads, it turned out to be 500. Is that true? MEEHAN: Very true. RATHER: You can understand how someone in my position, trying to be an honest broker of information, would come away with at least the impression, number one, their success figures are inflated; number two, their overall membership figures are inflated. MEEHAN: Yes, sir. RATHER: But it's not the truth? MEEHAN: It's really not. It's really not. RATHER: Your success figures are 65 to 70 percent? MEEHAN: At least. At least. RATHER: If Meehan's figures on how many come in, how many stay, and how many actually kick the habit are wobbly, that makes equally suspect his statement to us that he only spends an average $500 per year per member. And that dollar amount doesn't even include the huge hospital costs of an estimated 550 youngsters referred last year by PDAP to this hospital and other hospitals run by the same management company, a company which pays Bob Meehan $50,000 a year as a consultant. Average length of stay in the hospital: four to six weeks. Average cost: at least $10,000 per youngster. That's not paid by PDAP. It's paid by parents and medical insurance. That alone is twice the entire PDAP budget. In the hospital, the PDAP patients get bio-feedback, psychotherapy and other medical treatment. Few of them need detoxification. But what they also get is a concentrated dose of PDAP. PDAP counselors, whose salary is paid indirectly by the hospital, hold PDAP meetings daily. And they treat and manage patients right along with the more highly trained staff. Are all these youngsters really sick enough or addicted enough to need to be hospitalized? Susie Waters was a PDAP counselor at the hospital for five months last year. SUSIE WATERS: I think that the reason why most of those people were in there was so we could make a big impression on them right from the beginning. It's a way of isolating them, to only get PDAP from the very front. It was the troublemakers that ended up in the hospital. It was the people that wouldn't go by the normal rules, that wouldn't stick with winners, or that wouldn't stop going to concerts. It was the troublemakers that ended up there. And a lot of them were just little kids. You know, they were just out having fun. I remember thinking a lot of times, why is this person here?-you know. They weren't- I was just the same as a lot of them. RATHER: The hospital management flatly denies that the PDAP patients they admitted didn't need the medical treatment they got. And they said the

consultant fee they paid Bob Meehan was for his advice on drug abuse, and had nothing to do with the fact that PDAP referred so many patients. Meehan couldn't see the connection, either. And they pay you $50,000 a year. MEEHAN: At this time. RATHER: What do you mean "at this time"? MEEHAN: Well, I plan to tell them I'm worth a lot more, because they've made an awful lot of money at what they- what- because that they listened to me. And- and I think I'm worth more. RATHER: Right on the surface of it, there is a conflict of interest. On the one hand, you sit at the top of the PDAP pyramid. On the other hand, you have a personal service contract with the hospital for whom you are directly-not just in effect-directly supplying patients. MEEHAN: No, sir, I am not. The counselors that work for me are going to put their patients, or are going to refer, to hospitals that they think are doing the best job. RATHER: You don't see a conflict of interest? MEEHAN: I really don't. BOB GAFFNEY: Bob Meehan is just- sits on the right hand of God to most of those people. And to me at one time, that's the way I looked at him. RATHER: Bob Gaffney was a staff counselor for PDAP. He spent five years in the group. This man, who asked that we not give his name, was in PDAP four years, rising to the high staff post of director of the Dallas branch. Does the Palmer Drug Abuse Program prepare these young people for reality? MAN: No. As a matter of fact, we're led to believe that we can't make it without the program, which I think is a- one of the greatest disservices that's done to anybody that goes through the program. Because I think many people who leave, who naturally leave and who could be considered successes of the program, basically fail because the message is there: I cannot succeed without these people and without this program. RATHER: Is that what is said on the inside, from Bob Meehan right on down? MAN: Yes. RATHER: That you cannot succeed without the program? MAN: Yes, yes. RATHER: Well, that makes it never-ending. MAN: Yes. RATHER: They are two of dozens of former PDAP staff members with whom we spoke. They are all sober and straight and feel the program helped them; but equally, they feel, the program has serious flaws. MAN: Power has become as intoxicating to some people as perhaps drugs were several years ago. RATHER: By "some people", do you mean Meehan specifically? MAN: Yes. MEEHAN: I don't even like power. I am a powerful person. That is to-- personal power. RATHER: Well, among the strongest powers is the power to persuade. MEEHAN: That's right. I have that power. I certainly do. I've been a con all my life. I've just- now I'm using it in a good way. See, that's the only difference. (Laughs) People come in to me and want to sober up, I don't say- they say, "Boy, it hurts when you do that." I don't say, "Don't do that." All right? They come in and they try to act cool, I say, "Hey, don't come in here acting cool. Cool people never get to see me, partner, you know. Cool people out there are making it, so don't come in here telling me you're cool. You know, you got problems or you wouldn't be here. Mama didn't bring you in by the back of your neck because you're cool." That's a con. It's using words he's going to understand. It's communicating. What is my purpose? To get him to think for himself, to be his own man, and make him see where he really is. In that way, I am powerful. GAFFNEY: They don't look at it like you're coming into this program to recover and move on. They look at it like you have stepped into a better way of life than everybody else in the world has. That's the problem. And if you want to leave, you know there's something wrong with you. Bob, I think, thought that I was really going to be in the gutter with a needle in my arm or something because I was leaving, you know. And they really think that way, you know. To them, when you get to PDAP you have arrived. MAN: It comes down that major decisions in people's lives-you know, continuing an education, getting a job, getting married,

going steady-all involve other people and what they think about it. Basically, you can- you can lead your whole life in the program and never have to make a decision, except that you're going to let somebody else make decisions for you. MEEHAN: That's a lie. It's very upsetting. I don't know if these people are getting high again and have the need to somehow knock us. I don't know what their situation is. I think if you go and talk to some of the people that are making it and doing fine, you would hear another story. But remember, they're out there making it. They're not sitting around chewing on my tail. They're doing their thing. They don't have time to sit around and talk to 60 MINUTES, because they're trying to stay on the dean's list. You're going to have to hunt them down. Well, you don't have time to hunt them down. So who do you pick on? The losers that are lurked around hoping to get on 60 MINUTES. RATHER: Well, I gather that you're concerned about the line of questioning? MEEHAN: Oh, yes. RATHER: Why? MEEHAN: It's my baby. It's my baby. I know that everything that happens here is the most positive- one of the most positive moving forces in this whole nation today. I know that, without a doubt in my mind. I know that just from the shows we did with Carol Burnett and some people, the calls that we've gotten, that people finally took back control of their homes, told their children love does not mean accepting wrong behavior, threw the dope out, took some hot- positive moves in this country that haven't been done in years. You know, I know what we're doing. My problem is, and my mistake is, I've gotten too successful. RATHER: Being too successful did turn out to be a problem for Bob Meehan. After we broadcast our story, the PDAP board of directors decided Meehan should no longer be the head of the program, although they continue to pay him in his new role in setting up a branch in Los Angeles. The board also banned consultant fees paid to Meehan and other officers of PDAP by the hospitals to which PDAP refers youngsters. However, the organization did accept a-quote-"loan"-unquote-of $325,000 from the owners of those hospitals, a loan which PDAP will pay back by charging the hospitals for counseling their outpatients. They continue to maintain that there is no conflict of interest. As for young Carrie Hamilton, she has returned to her home in Los Angeles and is active in the PDAP chapter there.

#bob meehan #breaking code silence #troubled teen industry #Clint Stonebraker

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