#and telling me she likes me better like this. literally fuck off my good humor should not be dictated by anyone

[meanderfall]

i actually do like my new manager, since she's friendly, and actually took control of managing the service unlike my previous two, but she tries to tell me she's proud of me for upselling these scratchies (im not actually i just pretend like i am so she'll leave me alone) or for having a better attitude this week and it is. grating.

[mieltelecheycrema]

wheres that one post im so happy for you and ur dumb boyfriend

[ivysprophecy]

slim pickins

warnings; bad date? mentions of sex, cursing underage drinking and yes i meant for it to be written poorly i was trying to keep the humor of the album in the writing

masterlist | p. 2

no pressure tags; @murdockcastleslut @kimoralov3 @arkofblake

word count; 1911

summary; youre tired of not finding a decent guy who will treat you right and lay you right. at least not one you've known since you were kids. however you just cant help yourself. besides its slim pickins out here you take what you can get.

divider by @bernardsbendystraws

i wanna make one thing clear, when i say there are no good guys left i do not wanna hear about you and your boyfriend of three years that can cook and loves your mom.

thats exactly what im talking about maddie!!! i dont give two fucks that he took you to barnes and noble and bought you every book you wanted.

they are all taken. its plain and simple.

which is why even with a full roster, im stuck taking fucking zander, yes with a z, to my friends' kegger.

i mean yea hes cute. hes tall, built but not that gross kind of muscly. but if were being real i shouldve known better when he was joking about being a male stripper when hes a ginger.

and i can tell kie is judging me, rightfully so. her side eye is lethal. when i introduced him to everyone she asked him about his greta van fleet tee and he said he didn't even know it was a band.

needless to say pope had to drag her away.

after that incident i decided it was best if we tried to talk away from the rest of the group. boy was i wrong.

"so what do you like to drink? ill go grab us something," i offer trying to start the conversation, also avoiding the usual problem with taking a drink from men.

"im good with whatever"

i like to think im not a violent person, but im about to be.

"does a beer sound okay?" i ask him grabbing a twisted tea for me from the cooler.

"sure thing." god why is he acting like such a bitch? i should ask him if he's on his period.

i hand him the can, our fingers brush and its my final clue for the night that i am definitely not going home with him. no spark at all. hes done just about everything else to piss me off.

he did the thing where he licks his lips exaggeratingly looking me up and down, making a point to make sure i saw.

he walks so slow for being 6'3.

and finally he tried to mansplain my career to me. i'd had just enough when he opens his mouth again

"ew, you like twisted tea? who likes sweet tea?" his face contorted in disgust, it was about to contort from my fist breaking his goddamn nose if he keeps talking to me like this.

"we literally live in the south dude." my face could not make it any clearer i am so done with this guy.

"still, sweet tea is disgusting. im not kissing anyone that drinks that nasty shit."

"who said i wanted to kiss your nasty fucking mou-" i was interrupted by the sound of a very familiar giggle behind me as his arm wrapped around my shoulder, the smell of his deodorant and sea salt that cover his skin start to put you at ease.

jj was always there when you needed him, sometimes even when you didnt but right now you couldn't be more grateful. "im glad you found those mama i got em just for you. remembered theyre your favorite. right?"

and you wanna know the best part? zander is shaking already pissed off that jj is at my side. territorial i guess.

"you mind?" he asks him nodding his head at me like im not even there.

jj cant help but laugh at him "yea bud i do mind. she's hanging out with me tonight. have fun with your ipa dick." and with that he steers us off to where the rest of the pogues are.

but not before i can look over my shoulder and give the ginger an innocent smile and a shrug as if i had no control over the situation, when really id pick jj over anyone else.

"you owe me a big fat kiss mama," jj whispers in my ear walking us over to where our friends are standing, drinks in their hands laughing and chatting up a storm.

"in your dreams honey."

"every night all night," he quips back before i shove him off me.

now before you give me shit, jj and i have had our fair share of fun, but unfortunately im starting to look for something more serious.

watching john b and sarah be disgusting together is getting to my head. popes got something going on with cleo and im starting to recognize the pattern. and before i know it everyone will be in love if i don't start making an effort in that department.

random casual hook ups aren't doing it anymore, especially considering they aren't even that good.

unless theyre with jj.

but hes not an option, theres too much drama. too much history. too much too much too much. im not what he needs and i know for a fact he doesn't want me in that sense.

is that a bit dramatic? probably.

i mean hes a great lay, he's hilarious, he's got that blue collar kind of muscle, and he genuinely cares about me.

so of course im not going to date him, why would i?

what do you mean make good decisions? id rather do things in the most difficult way possible!

"y/n youve gotta stop giving those guys a chance, im starting to feel bad for you."

"you try finding a decent guy in a ten mile radius." i glare at him, obviously not wanting to joke about this right now.

he sticks his hand out in front of me, "fine i will. let me see your phone."

curious to see what he will do i hand it too him unlocked, he swipes and taps for a few moments, smiling down at the phone before handing it back to you.

when you look back down at the screen all you see is your instagram open with his stupid fucking smiley face on the screen.

he took a picture of himself and posted to my story. written on the screen in bubble letters in my favorite colored heart 'my favorite guy <3'

"i think he's your best bet." that same smile facing back at me now, cockier than ever. so smug i wanna kiss it off his face

i cant help but roll my eyes. "jj im serious! at this rate im going to die alone. every decent guy is taken or unavailable. all i want is someone funny, kind, and attractive is that too much to ask for?"

"im right in front of you mama you dont gotta look far."

"jj we both know we're not the serious kind of relationship im talking about."

"you can think what you want too but ill be here waiting for that kiss you owe me."

"i think all that tequila youve been sipping has gone to your head maybank."

he stands in front of me, taking his signature red cap off his head and putting it on mine smiling down at me, "what do they say in those books you read? you wear the hat you ride the cowboy?"

"this no ten gallon hat and you are no cowboy."

we laugh at each other, its always been easier to do that then actually talk about our feelings. so i put his hat back on his head, backwards the way he i likes it.

"cmon y/n/n, have a few more drinks, relax and hang out and ill make you feel all better later yea? its what im best at, you know."

"its gonna take more than a few more teas to convince me jj"

"what about that thing you like that i do with my tongue, huh mama? doesnt that sound pretty good right now? i think it does."

"i give you one fucking compliment and it goes straight to your head."

"technically its about my head so that makes perfect sense," he hands me another can with that stupid signature smirk of his and his stupid sexy hat backwards. i hate to admit it's working on me.

just like it does every other time.

i squint my eyes at him taking the can, rolling the idea around in my head. "fuck it. its not like anyone else is offering," i take a big sip of my drink.

jj pumps his fist in the air like a victorious idiot giving a few woots and hollars before picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder despite my wishes.

"jb!!" he shouts turning around to face him, "we're headed out!"

john b looks at the two of us shaking his head at how im kicking my feet to wiggle out of jjs oddly strong grip. "make sure you change the sheets when youre done!"

oh my god he did not just say that. "fuck both of you!"

jj just laughs carrying you back to the chateau like a kid who's excited to use a brand new birthday present.

"what happened to letting me have a few more drinks before we left??"

"youre just too irresistable mama, gotta have you now,' he gives my ass a light slap for good measure causing me to roll my eyes for the 600th time tonight.

"are you gonna put me down now?"

he pretends to look like hes thinking about it, "i guess. only so i can watch you walk away," he does as he says helping me get my feet on the ground.

"youre a pervert."

"no im flirtatious, and you love it, you know it makes you blush i see it. now go on and give me a lil walk yea?"

oh im gonna kill him...

oh wait! im gonna kill him!

"okay... fine. but no touching until we get home," i smile walking away exactly like he asked, but i know behind me he is a puddle of mud. standing still, about to start begging me to let him.

he finally catches up after a few seconds "mama please- cmon thats not fair. you look too good in those shorts you know i cant wait that long. just wanna feel you."

i cant help but giggle at his words, its honestly adorable how mopey he gets. like i just kicked his puppy or something.

"hands of jj i mean it... not until that door shuts behind us."

it didn't really matter that i can see the chateau or that ill be there in literally a minute.

its actually painful for jj to not be able to touch me as he pleases.

i turn around to face him with a cheeky smile. "you want me maybank?"

and of course he nods so hard it looks like his head is going to fall right off.

"come and get me," running towards the house, i can see the moment when his reflexes kick in, his boots thudding against the ground as he gains on me.

just before i can make it to the poarch jj wraps his arms around me, lifting me a few inches off the ground and spinning me around in a fit of laughter.

"okay! okay okay okay you win- you got me."

"oh ive got you mama, and im havin you for the rest of the fucking night," he presses a kiss to my neck hauling me inside, the screen door slamming shut after us.

am i gonna regret this tomorrow? most likely.

but what can i say? its slim pickins in this part of town.

[itsclydebitches]

Hazbin Hotel: Let's Talk About Cursing!

Trigger warning for lots of cursing in this post (obviously) and discussion of canon abuse scenes

As I delve further into the Hazbin Hotel fandom, I’ve inevitably come across a variety of people who dislike the show for an equal variety of reasons. One criticism I’ve seen with some consistency is in regards to the cursing and yeah, I get it. That’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. However, the repeated claim that the cursing is only there as a—failed—attempt at bad, lazy humor got me thinking about why I personally liked the cursing, and why I think it serves a greater purpose in the show.

Now yes, some of the cursing does function as an arguably simplistic joke. The most common setup I’ve noticed is one that leans into a contrast in tone/personalities. We see this a lot with the polite, comparatively timid Charlie as she navigates her distinctly vulgar domain.

Charlie: “Hi, mister!” Demon: “Go fuck yourself!”

The entirety of “Happy Day in Hell” plays with this contrast, setting up Charlie’s slightly skewed, but significantly optimistic perspective of Hell. We are shown again and again how her lyrics are contradicted or twisted into something less innocent through the visuals: a “revealing” street where it’s “hard not to stare” has BDSM going on in a nearby window, Charlie will “open the door” for her people and then literally does so... for a guy who’s already dead. (Or, you know, temporarily out of commission until he heals, or whatever demons do when they’re ‘killed’ by things other than angelic steel.) The entire point here is to contrast the happy, skipping girl claiming that there’s a “warm, fuzzy feeling” in the air with the actual environment of unchecked fires and decaying limbs. And yes, that can be amusing. Not necessarily for everyone as humor is highly subjective and dependent on context, but distilling this contrast down to the shock of a polite greeting getting a “Go fuck yourself!” in response is a kind of entertainment. Especially when Charlie’s reaction adds another layer: for me that’s a very funny—and currently relatable—expression.

We can potentially make the case that this humor format overstays its welcome, but I personally think the show does a good job of keeping Charlie’s cursing both simple and comparatively rare, so that when she is put into these contrast situations the humor lands better. The best example I can think of in the latter half of the show is Susan. There we get the whiplash of polite, trying-to-get-these-people-to-like-her Charlie reaching a breaking point to become “FUCK YOU, YOU OLD BITCH” Charlie. It’s a moment that builds off of the earlier surprise of the courteous Alastor calling someone an “Ornery old bitch”—while Rosie is trying (and failing) to find a nicer way to phrase this.

However, as stated above I think the cursing serves more of a purpose than to just be funny for (some) viewers. Beyond those who simply find cursing distasteful, I’ve seen a fair bit of, “This is so stupid. No one even talks like that!” going around.

Except... I do? I talk like that.

See, I like cursing. I was born to former hippie parents and grew up playing MMOs, so cursing was something I became pretty acclimated to. Personally, I’m glad I was because I’m fascinated by language and cursing—for better or worse—is an integral way that many people communicate. I was taught to see cursing not as the Bad Forbidden Thing You Must Never Ever Do, but rather as just another form of expression, something to be used in moderation and under specific circumstances. Once I became an adult I already understood how I wanted to curse and when it was appropriate to do so. People at work are often shocked when I tell them I curse a lot because no, of course I’m not doing that at my job. That isn't considered professional in this space. Among my friends though?

We can sound a lot like the Hazbin crew.

Undoubtedly the most common curse in the show is “fuck” and its variations, which very much tracks with my personal experience among other people who curse. In fact, it’s so ubiquitous that it barely counts as a curse at all in some groups. It’s more of an easy, accepted way to add emphasis. Vaggie’s “What the fuck was that?” about Alastor’s commercial is a perfect example. She’s pissed and simply saying “What was that?” doesn’t carry the same weight, no matter how angry she may sound when she says it. Vox’s long “Fuuuuuuuck” at the end of “Stayed Gone” conveys an emotion you just can’t capture any other way. No dialogue at all would create a fundamentally different experience of Vox’s feelings and another non-cursing response is just gonna hit different. Not necessarily bad, just different.

“I don’t want to go to the party!” “I don’t want to go to the freaking party!” “I don’t want to go to the fucking party!”

The above represents three distinct characters to me and I think Hazbin Hotel gets that. Cursing isn’t thrown around randomly because something something cursing supposedly sells; it’s all linguistically logical. Characters curse when something surprising or bad happens, or when something unexpectedly good happens, when they’re angry, trying to be sexy, or they want to add that emphasis. That’s a lot of different situations where cursing can be useful and when you use “fuck” in your daily life a lot you become pretty desensitized to it. As said, for many it’s barely a curse at all. Which means that when you really want to curse you’ve got to up the ante. It doesn’t surprise me one bit that the two uses of “cunt” I can recall—a word that is generally considered far worse than “fuck” and makes a lot of people understandably uncomfortable—is used by two of the worst characters in moments that are meant to horrify the viewer:

Adam: “Can’t wait a whole year to slaughter those little cunts / I know it’s just been a week, but we’ll be back in six months!” Valentino: “When I say you’d better get that fucking cunt out of my studio, you say...?”

This horror is especially emphasized in Valentino’s scene. The creators know this word is coming up and deliberately build towards it. Angel is currently being abused and has been reminded that Valentino “owns” him. The above question is a part of a trio that Valentino asks (a standard structure in writing), wherein the third option is the outlier/most shocking of the three. The animation leans into that shock, with the music building and Valentino grabbing Angel to pull him close right on the word “cunt.” Perez even puts emphasis there because he knows that this is a significant word that will change our understanding of Valentino.

Despite having hit Angel multiple times and taunting him with the contract, this is the moment Valentino stops playing the ‘nice’ employer. This is the real him. No more fake compliments and endearments aimed at Charlie, no more fake comfort/intimacy aimed at Angel. That “cunt” conveys a hell of a lot about how Valentino really sees them and when you have a cast of characters who are already cursing on the regular, it takes a word on that level to do that kind of work. If Valentino had said, “get that fucking bitch out of my studio” it wouldn’t have had nearly the same impact because he’s the kind of guy who uses "bitch" even when playing ‘nice.’

Adam’s line from “Hell is Forever” does very similar work. The scene needs a word to align with the horrific reveal that another extermination is just six months away, that conveys Adam’s deep disgust for Charlie’s people, and that still catches the viewer’s attention even though he’s the character (I believe) who curses the most. Here the music drops and Adam is a little closer to speaking than singing; there's this shift because, like with Valentino, our perception of him is shifting. This isn’t just some egotistical idiot who wants to be called “Dick Master,” he’s the leader of an army coming to gleefully kill them. Framing a whole world of people—people Charlie loves—as “cunts” while treating their murder as a holiday that can’t come soon enough creates an, 'Oh shit. This guy is actually a threat' understanding that you can’t quite get with anything else.

On a smaller scale, cursing does other character work throughout the whole show. I watched a number of cursing compilation vids for this meta (that was a trip lol) and again, cursing is not thrown in randomly. Each character has a unique way of cursing that aligns with their personality and motivations:

As said, Adam curses the most in the show which helps sell his truly over-the-top, irreverent personality. Linguistically, the amount he curses also allows for some fun grammatical play. Lines like, “Fucking love putting my name on shit, shit’s the best!” help convey the versatility of cursing.

Also as said, Charlie curses a fair bit but she’s comparatively polite and her cursing tends to be a result of genuinely big emotions—like saying “Crap” when she’s shocked and falls, or “Shit!” when Adam locks her out of the room—rather than sprinkled into her conversations as a modifier. That leaves space to create those moments of amused surprise when Charlie really let’s loose.

Sr Pentious curses even less than Charlie which fits his secretly gooey center. He talks a big game at the start of the show, but he’s actually quite bad at being, well, bad (especially the Amazon version compared to pilot!Pentious). His idea of getting one over on Alastor is ripping a bit of his coat. He loves his Egg Bois and “doesn’t want to live” without them. He has no desire to go into battle without minions/a big machine to hide behind and, of course, he’s the first to be redeemed. He's too much of a secret sweetheart to curse a lot.

Interestingly, Niffty doesn’t seem to curse at all. At least, not enough for me to think of examples off the top of my head. Right now I’m inclined to read that as an extension of her lived experiences/design—the cute 1950’s housewife archetype who is obsessed with keeping things clean doesn’t [gasp!] curse—as well as a way to maintain her legitimate creep factor. As said, cursing is common among the hotel residents and is a way for them to linguistically fit in. Niffty, however, is positioned more as an outsider (despite how much they all obviously love her): she’s actually scary in a way most demons aren’t and despite how weird this whole world is, she stands out as someone no one else can make sense of (even Alastor). If cursing is normal, Niffty is a character who is decidedly positioned as not normal.

Angel curses a fair bit, though his irreverence is conveyed more through innuendos. Angel is great at verbally twisting others’ words (especially Husk’s) to give himself a conversational advantage:

Husk: “Go fuck yourself” Angel: “Only if you watch me~”

Husk: “You’ve come—” Angel: [very loud orgasm noise] Husk: “...to the right place.”

Meanwhile, Husk uses “fuck” plenty, but he’s also one of the few characters who use “bullshit" too. I wouldn’t say there’s anything particularly revealing about that choice, but just giving him a go-to curse that’s otherwise used infrequently helps make his character distinct in a cast of other cursing characters.

Vaggie occasionally curses in Spanish, showing us her heritage if she used to be human, or a distinct knowledge/verbal preference if she’s always been an angel.

Heaven, as the ‘good’ side, doesn’t curse as a general rule, which leaves room for cursing to do more of that silent character work. We’re reminded of the stuffy, overly critical beings she’s dealing with when Charlie receives the combined judgement of the court for saying, “Fuck yeah!” In contrast, we understand just how shocked St. Peter is to see a Morningstar when he lets out an unintentional “Fuck!” The angry vindication of Charlie’s “That’s what the fuck I’ve been saying!” lands harder after multiple scenes of very little cursing, and Lute’s “Some crack-whore who fucked up already? / He blew his shot like the cocks in his mouth—” helps set her apart as an exorcist + Adam's second in command: her shocking violence comes through in her word choice too; words that supposedly don't belong in Heaven.

In what’s arguably the funniest line in the whole show, Lucifer undermines his dramatic standoff with Adam by going, “You mess with my daughter and now I’m going to fuck you.” Beyond just cutting the tension, that fits his bumbling, oblivious personality perfectly. Lucifer is crazy powerful and can absolutely wreck Adam. He also has none of the classy intimidation that, say, Alastor displays when he tries to convey that. This is a depressed himbo who makes ducks in his free time and settles on, “Hey, bitch!” when greeting his estranged daughter. Of course he’s going to accidentally turn a threat into a promise of sex.

Which finally brings me to Alastor, someone whose cursing is already understood well by the fandom. He’s characterized as manipulatively courteous, using manners to both hide his true nature and draw attention to his power—’You’re so beneath me I’ll just calmly sip my coffee and politely ask who you are, despite the fact that we've fought multiple times.’ This is a guy who calls people “My dear” and unironically insults them with the phrase “wacky nonsense.” So when he curses you can BET it’s gonna have an impact. It sure did for me. I had to pause the episode after Alastor’s first “Fuck you” because it was so shocking to hear that language from him. And that’s the point! The scene wants that reaction from the audience. The "Fuck you"s visceral anger contrasting the fake laughs he and Lucifer have been giving, the quick-fire exchange that’s suddenly cut short by Alastor’s choice of a direct insult, the fact that he’s officially dropping the polite veneer they’ve both been indulging in and raising the stakes before Charlie intervenes, the loss of the radio filter that otherwise demonstrates his control over a situation... all of it screams, ‘THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CHARACTER MOMENT.’

"Fuck you” reveals that, for the first time in the show, Alastor is legitimately threatened by someone. Which makes sense given that, you know, Lucifer is the King of Hell. Cursing for Alastor isn’t normal, so when he does curse it’s going to reveal something about a guy who otherwise is obsessed with being unknowable. Having the King of Hell dismiss him is actually infuriating in a way Sir Pentious’ threats could never be and the exchange kicks off a rivalry that rattles Alastor in ways Vox’s never has. (Side note: is it any wonder people ship them? Character A making control freak Character B feel vulnerable is classic!) It’s no surprise to me than that the one other true curse we get from Alastor is, “I’m about to end your fucking life,” delivered to Adam who, like Lucifer, poses a legitimate threat and does end up beating him. I say “true” curse because calling Susan a “bitch” does similar work for him, but the takeaway is humorous rather than dramatic. It’s funny that the only people who can piss Alastor off enough to curse are the First Man/a powerful exorcist angel threatening his life, the literal King of Hell... and Susan.

So there’s a lot going on here, more than what many viewers might assume if they approach the show as just “stupid,” needlessly vulgar entertainment. As shown above, I don’t think the cursing is needless, especially given that, well... they’re in Hell. They’re sinners, supposedly the worst that humanity has to offer, so of course they're going to curse a lot. Does cursing mean you’re a bad person? No. Can you craft a hellish world that doesn't rely on cursing to convey a group's immoral nature? Sure.

Does it make sense that a writer would equate a sinful, irreverent cast with linguistic rebellion and would want to convey a certain vibe that, frankly, you just can’t get without dropping an F bomb?

Yeah, I think so. No one has to like that kind of creative decision, but it’s worth acknowledging it as a deliberate choice.

That’s all! Thanks for reading this fucking long post ✌️

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: september 2024

I'm turning in the reading roundup a little later than usual, but booooy not for lack of enthusiasm! September was such an interesting month for books, not least of all because you'll notice that things take a spooky turn towards the end of the month. in the name of whimsy I decided that October would be the perfect time to go on a themed reading kick and read through everything vaguely spooky, scary, or horror-related on my TBR, and then I thought, hey, why wait? Halloween is a state of mind, and I want to get spooked.

(have I been spooked yet? well... eh. but there's still time!)

my point being, if you want some creepy recs, hang tight because the October reading roundup is going to be great for you. in the meantime, here's what I read in September:

My Nemesis (Charmaine Craig, 2023) - cannot recommend this brief novel enough if you like very stylized prose about very insufferable people. Craig's protagonist is a memoirist who narrates her tale of woe exactly like she's writing a personal essay that's going to do numbers on twitter, intimate from a detached and analytical distance and giving the strong impression of a person who's made a living being intensely self-obsessed and can't quite manage to turn it off. it's a fascinating approach to a story about an emotionally overwhelming friendship destroying two marriages and ending in a woman's death, all without any actual adultery ever occurring. the narrator is consciously self-conscious, unreliable in the subtle and shifty way of someone trying to take exactly enough culpability to avoid being assigned more. it's a heavily interior novel, but Craig managed to keep me gasping with surprise here and there - the stomach-twisting reveal of why the narrator is actually telling her story, for one, as well as the revelation of the work within the novel that shares its name. if you like a tightly crafted character exercise, you're going to eat this up.

Raiders of the Lost Heart (Jo Segura, 2023) - this was the romance novel picked out via poll over on my patreon for September, and if I may be honest I was NOT excited! to my mind it was the dud of the group, the one amongst the four possibilities that I was most dreading. the garish cover, improbable plot summary, and blatant Indiana Jones of it all (the male love interest is literally named Ford) was a tremendous turn off, and you know what? I was wrong for that. Raiders ended up being one of the better romance novels I've read this year, and not JUST because I've been reading an endless parade of stinkers. the characters are largely free of manufactured drama and are instead believably and sympathetically rendered, with the female lead Corrie being a particular knockout; I would love to be her friend. the plot isn't nearly as cartoonish as the synopsis on the back of the book would have you believe, or at least most of it isn't; the silliness doesn't arrive until almost the very end, when Segura decides she needs some action movie stakes in here ASAP. and while the prose wasn't totally free of the genre's worst bullshit (stop reminding me that Ford's eyes are emerald, I beg), it was for the most part refreshingly no-nonsense. I wasn't even a chapter into this book when I found myself realizing I might really like it, and as of right now it's looking to claim the title of my favorite romance of 2024 in a landslide victory. having said that someone should be in thought crime prison for titling the sequel "Temple of Swoon."

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 11 (Ryoko Kui, trans. Taylor Engel, 2022) - man you guys Dungeon Meshi is so fucking good. what the fuck. what the hell. it's so genuinely insane that Kui is still able to weave in elements of humor that feel so organic and natural to the characters at this absolutely dire point of the game, when all of my faves are actively in so much danger - largely FROM EACH OTHER - that I'm eating my fingers. christ. some of my students who are in an LGBT book club did Legends and Lattes last month and I just kept wanting to ask if anyone had read Dungeon Meshi for, you know, a very D&D-flavored story that's actually intensely interested in dissecting the tropes of the genre alongside race and class and xenophobia and the social rules of an adventurer heavy world but god. I couldn't. because it's not gay. like Senshi I just want to nourish the youngsters but I can't because it's not gay. please everyone for the love of god just read Dungeon Meshi.

The Most (Jessica Anthony, 2024) - I'm a simple man, and I added this tiny novel to my TBR based on a blurb that really gave me nothing but "a 60s housewife gets in the apartment complex's pool and refuses to get out and it freaks her husband right out." god forbid women do anything, right? anyway, at risk of showing my whole ass I think this is exactly the kind of "disaffected adultery and divorce" book that a lot of tumblr users claim to hate, and I fucking loved it. Anthony is a brilliantly sharp writer who paces her microcosmic drama perfectly, revealing everything at just the right moment like a practiced tour guide showing us around the shadowy corners of an aggressively ordinary marriage. I love adultery and I think this book in particular should be taught in writing courses. sue me.

Dear Senthuran: A Black Spirit Memoir (Akwaeke Emezi, 2021) - I think this year I've reread more books than I have any other year of my adult life, and I'm so glad that I took time to revisit Emezi's memoir. it's genuinely like nothing else I've ever read, one of the boldest and bravest things I've ever read. Emezi's account of godhood, of coming to understand themself as a deity trapped in flesh, is absolutely unwavering, completely grounded in their certainty of their truth and proceeding from there without ever worrying about persuading others to believe them. Emezi is a storyteller's storyteller, and their story doesn't need anyone's approval. but while it can be challenging, I wouldn't call the book confrontational. quite the opposite; in many places it's achingly vulnerable, as Emezi guides you through an unabashed tour of the very worst of their heartbreak, trauma, and alienation, and the times they've nearly succeeded in taking their own life. but god, please don't think this memoir is unrelenting misery. Emezi also speaks so, SO powerfully of opulence, of love, of the dedication to their artistry ad unabashed acknowledgement that they are a peerless talent. Emezi talks about magic of writing in a way that makes me feel like I'm being engulfed in golden-white flames; they make me want to transform myself into the artist I want to be. once again: I am an Emezi stan first and a person second forever.

The Beginning and End of Rape: Confronting Sexual Violence in Native America (Sarah Deer, 2015) - listen, I'll be straight up with you: unless you're exorbitantly interested in rape law, alternatives to carceral "justice," and legalese, this is going to be a very dry read, and there are not enough narrative segments to make up for that. for my money, Deer provides a thorough overview of the difficulties faced by American tribal nations in exercising legal power to prosecute and punish cases of sexual violence, despite the staggering levels of violence experienced by women in many Native communities. I really admired the intensely tempered view that Deer (a member of the Mvskokoe nation) brings to her work, discussing the history of Native approaches to sexual violence without pretending precolonial North America was a feminist utopia and offering thoughtful criticism of proposed substitutions to imprisonment. while the rape laws of any one of the 574 federally recognized tribes in the occupied lands of the United States could be a book on its own and Deer is constrained by the need to cover as much territory as she can in the broadest strokes possible, this is a solid primer to an ongoing social, spiritual, and legal issue that too rarely receives attention outside of Native communities.

Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke and Other Misfortunes (Erica LaRocca, 2022) - straight up I was only trying to read Things Have Gotten worse, LaRocca's somewhat infamous story of a lesbian relationship that goes extremely wrong extremely fast, but the only copy available through my library system came with two more of his short stories (the aforementioned Other Misfortunes). I'm going to save time on the two extra stories: one is an incomprehensible exercise in religious trauma and I did not like it, and the other one was silly because I, personally, simply would not get so trapped in a sense of social obligation that I let my neighbor do stupid riddles to be until I was in a guillotine. rip to that guy but I'm different. anyway, back to the star of the show. I made the mistake of browsing some other people's thoughts on Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke and encountered a truly dizzying number of people whose takeaway seems to be that it's bad not for any stylistic reason but because it depicts two lesbians being in a relationship that's deranged and unhealthy, to which I say you should probably go watch Stephen Universe or something instead of looking for #goodrep in the horror short stories. christ. for my money, Things Have Gotten Worse is messy in the most delicious way, absolutely bonkers from start to finish. escalates pretty much instantly and refuses to let up for truly even a second. cannot believe the predatory mommy dom turns out to be the reasonable one in this dynamic, that one threw me for a loop. it's not incredible but god was I entertained.

Fledgling (Octavia E. Butler, 2005) - another reread, revisiting some of my favorite little freak vampires for the spooky season! although, honestly, the most spooky scary thing about Butler's vampires is probably that vampires look like an Aryan cult and some of them are turbo racist while the other ones insist that it's totally 100% impossible for vampires to be racist and the fact that this gets quite a lot of people killed, something that I'm sure is just a weird coincidence and not any kind of commentary that Butler was making on anything at all. what else is there to say? this is one of Butler's most elaborate explorations of inverted power dynamics, dropping codependent symbiotic sexy vampire polycule cults smack in the middle of the 21st century United States instead of on an alien planet or an apocalyptic wasteland just to really drive home how crazy this shit it. and it's delicious! I love it! what a deliciously different interpretation of vampirism. imagine the utopia we'd be living in if this was the vampire novel that had gotten big in 2005 instead of Twilight.

The Low, Low Woods (Carmen Maria Machado, Dani, and Tamra Bonvillain, 2020) - first I remembered that there are horror comics that I can include in my Octoberish reading, and then I remembered that creepy queen Carmen Maria Machado has published one with DC Comics' Black Label. The Low, Low Woods follows dirtbag teen lesbians Octavia and El in the burnt out coal mining town of Shudder to Think, a town where everyone knows that something's not quite right but no one can seem to leave. the story begins with El and Octavia waking up in a movie theater with no memory of a movie, realizing that they've lost time. the ensuing investigation takes them deep into the town's troubled history, and forces them to realize it's not just the supernatural preying on the town. I love creepy Appalachia and would definitely recommend this for any Old Gods of Appalachia fans, and I will say that so far this is the only one of the spooky reads to really get under my skin and give me a full-body shiver due to the sheer overwhelming awfulness of the implications Machado raises with the revelations in her story. I'm not usually one for trigger warnings in my little roundups, but I cannot emphasize enough that if you have a hard time reading about sexual violence, you'll probably want to skip this one.

The Icarus Girl (Helen Oyeyemi, 2005) - I've been meaning to get into Oyeyemi's large body of work (in part because Akwaeke Emezi speaks quite highly of her) and where better to start than with her debut novel? and why not now, since it was tagged as horror? ultimately I'd concede that the book is creepy but don't know if I'd quite consider myself horrified, and that's completely fine since it's an astonishing piece of prose regardless. writing a believable eight year old narrator of an adult novel is a tricky thing, but Oyeyemi pulls it off beautifully with protagonist Jessamy, effortlessly selling her as an insightful, anxious, and intelligent girl who's still utterly believable as a child. the Icarus Girl revels in the same kind of "powerless child" horror as Gaiman's Ocean at the End of the Lane, following the lonely Jessamy as she initially is befriended and then tormented by a mysterious and powerful little girl that she meets while visiting her mother's family in Nigeria. as her new friends gets increasingly malevolent and out of control, Jess struggles to account for the damage and to be taken seriously by her parents when she tries to explain what's wrong. Oyeyemi apparently wrote this book when she was only a teenager, and if she's been leveling up her craft with each subsequent novel then I have a lot of look forward to.

[flowery-language]

𓆩♡𓆪 STAY AWAY. Loser! Ellie Williams headcanons

a/n : I am struggling to start writing and stop procrastinating on writing the series I am working on so have some quick Ellie head canons while you wait also loser!Ellie is just regular Ellie and y’all aren’t ready for that conversation also it isn’t much sorry I’ve been struggling with procrastinating on writing got to put something out for the mean time

Inspired by seriously go read theirs @cowgirlcherrie and my one of my close friends mannerisms

Warnings/content: 18+ mentions of sex mostly fluff and also Ellie is a loser and cursing fingering!receiving masturbating and mentions of face riding

ੈ✩‧₊˚ you met loser!Ellie in Highschool and you bonded your intense overwhelming hatred for the people at your school over how much you hated everyone else here and that your the only person she could tolerate

“Everyone here are fucking npc’s with no capacity for thinking for themselves”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ Loser!Ellie definitely owns a women love me fish fear me shirt that she started wearing ironically until it wasn’t anymore

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she always had to make jokes about her nonexistent dick much to your annoyance she has the humor of twelve year old boy

“How about you suck 15 inch cock”

“You don’t have one” you exclaimed

“Fuck you mean women literally beg me to see it”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!Ellie unironically loves family guy and American guy and and fucking loves Rick and Morty and Bojack horseman

“I know I am a lesbian but I would fuck rick Sanchez no questions asked”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ you and loser!Ellie bonded over your intense overwhelming hatred for chase Atlantic

“They sound like they are fucking singing in cursive”

“I know right thank you someone gets it”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!ellie has the music taste of someone’s father and she is very unapologetic about it she listens to Radiohead, nirvana, slipknot, the cure and the Beatles. etc

“ you should listen to the cure”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!Ellie got into an argument once with you because you said you liked Saturn more than Jupiter

“Jupiter or Saturn pick one”

“Uh—Saturn”

“Jupiter is fucking better”

“No it’s not I like Saturn better”

“You only like Saturn because it’s fucking pretty”

“No I don’t”

“Yes you fucking do”

“Whatever”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!Ellie cannot flirt with women for shit she just infodumps to them and hopes her info would get them to like her and wanna be with her and she is lucky that she is attractive enough to pull it off

ੈ✩‧₊˚ when loser!Ellie started to develop a crush on you she would do favours and constantly try to impress you she once took you to skater park to show you the tricks she was learning she ended up falling flat on her face because she was too busy staring into your eyes and she had the biggest blush on her face when you laughed at her for it.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ By the time Loser!Ellie developed feelings for you she would go above and beyond because suddenly the concept of helping others was completely uninteresting until it was you you got your heart shattered by another girl and all she could think of is that she would never treat you that way ever.

“It’s just that I wished that she didn’t string me along for a month and actually rejected me instead of telling me she liked me back when she didn’t”

“I swear when I see that fucker in my line of vision it won’t be pretty you deserve better than her anyway you were out of her league”

“Honestly I am starting to think maybe it’s because I am not attractive enough for girls to want me”

“Don’t fucking say that you were out of her league you will find someone who treats you so good ”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!Ellie always wants you to try smoking weed with her even though you very much didn’t like taking drugs or being high it’s mostly because you make her so nervous and if she was high with you she could maybe try to flirt with you without fumbling her words and not looking you in the eye.

“Come on try it for me it feels really good I promise”

“Yeah no thanks Ellie”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she knew that she couldn’t keep this to herself anymore she wanted you and Every time you tried to date someone else it made her genuinely sick to her stomach.

“ oh fuck saying this shit isn’t easy but I gotta say it I like you okay I really really do”

“Your fucking with me right now if your joking Ellie it’s not funny”

“I am not joking I fucking do okay”

“Wait your not”

“Of course I am not”

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ NSFW section

ੈ✩‧₊˚ you are always the first person she thinks of when she gets high late at night she has to resist the urge to call you over her hand in her boxers.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ Loser!Ellie has a happy trail.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she loves it when you ride her face and not just hovering she wants you to sit on it at first you were really nervous and insecure but she was a having the time of her life and Everytime you do hover she would beg you sit properly

“Babe please just sit stop fucking hovering”

ੈ✩‧₊˚she loves it when you ride her thighs she loves the sensory experience of you riding it and when you ride her fingers she always wishes to be inside you and feel it when you ride it

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she is obsessed with you wearing her clothes especially her boxers she loves giving them to you

“You’re gonna run out of boxers to wear if you keep this up”

“I don’t fucking care”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she loves you to death and will not hesitate to show it off she always loves mentioning you much to literally everyone’s annoyance.

“My girl is getting a PHD is so smart”

“This reminds me my girlfriend really loves these flowers I gotta get them”

[softpascalito]

We got your back - Chapter 4

Summary: You work as a new DEA agent alongside Peña and Murphy. A not-so-kind colleague reveals more about you than you would like. You also realize you can sleep better if you're not by yourself. You're not the only one with that realization.

Relationships: Javier Peña x F!Reader

WC: 10k+

Tags/Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, mention of canon-typical violence, family issues, they arent specified but reader is implied to be from a dysfunctional family, literal sleeping together, one bed trope if you squint, tac vest javi, nightmares, cuddling, protective javier peña, mention of drugs

AO3 LINK // Series Masterlist

notes: we are back! sorry this took me so long, i started into the year super positive and motivated but then my best friend decided to fucking die so life hasn't been very slay. i hope you babes are doing better and enjoy the chapter <3

(i cope with humor, can you tell?)

Chapter 4

“She could no longer think, nor were there any more images in her head. She was aware only of the softness of the woollen bathrobe next to her skin, and then of the nearness and warmth of a being that did not frighten her.”

- Paul Bowles, The Sheltering Sky

You have the first good day in weeks. Apart from the nagging feeling that you now have something else to hide - at least from Steve and the rest of your colleagues - you do feel well rested, getting through the assigned files and some more intel with record speed.

One of the higher-ups is celebrating a milestone birthday and orders dinner, causing more people than usual to stay late. Javi finds you in the crammed room where the plates of food have been set up and squeezes in next to you, flashing his signature charming smile, “May I?”

“Yeah, sure,” you mumble back, shifting slightly to give him more space. But with how full all the tables are, the people are a good excuse to let yourself get a little closer than you normally would. Somehow, it doesn’t feel weird, the way it likely would’ve before last night. It just feels safe.

You eat your dinner without speaking much, Javi practically wolfing his down. A frown spreads over your face at that, “You got plans after this?”

“Are you asking me out, querida?” Javi responds in between two bites, flirting so casually that it almost seems like second nature to him. Which according to the testimony of at least three women you know in the embassy, is exactly that. 

He cocks his brow as he turns towards you and for a split second, he looks serious, like he means it. The thought has you blushing furiously and you think you just may choke on a piece of your pasta when the familiar grin spreads over his face and with it, a similarly familiar warmth settles in your stomach. “I was just joking,” he reassures you again at seeing your cheeks change color and clears his throat before getting a little more serious.

“Wanted to go through some more files, not like this lot will get anything done tonight.” He nods towards the group of people gathered around the man who is apparently celebrating. They’ve finally opened up the first bottle of Aguardiente.

Of course, Javi knows that with the steadily rising alcohol level, he may just be able to persuade someone into giving him access to precisely the file he wants. Or at least provide enough distraction for him to sneak off and find it himself.

He can still hear Steve in the back of his mind, reasoning with him.

“Have you ever considered that the files are sealed because she wants them to be?”

He has, now. But he finds that he doesn’t really care. There is something there, something that might explain you to him a little more. A tiny voice in his head offers up the idea of just asking you, getting to know you like everyone else does.

But he quickly shakes that thought off. It’s nothing to him, personally at least. His interest is strictly professional of course. Nothing else.

Just as the first people start clearing out, Javi slips away too. You strain your neck, glancing around the room and towards the buffet but he’s nowhere to be found.

“Great,” you mumble to yourself as you follow suit and leave the table, heading out of the large oak doors of the conference room. A pit has formed in your stomach and it only deepens when you catch a glimpse of the time. It’s past nine already so chances are Javier really has headed off to meet some informant. You try not to consider who else he could be meeting and who else may wake up next to him in the morning.

Passing through the dimly lit corridors that lead to the DEA offices, you let out a small noise of annoyance with yourself.

It’s not like it’s any of your business what Javi does after closing time or who he meets. And it’s not really like you to judge him for it.

But today, you realize quietly, your disappointment stems from the pit in your stomach at the thought of having to go home to the apartment you’d rather forget and to spend a few hours tossing and turning on a mattress until it’s time to come back.

You haven’t met a single person on your way back to your office and you consider curling up next to your desk again. A glance around the office tells you that you’re not in luck, though. A few other co-workers still have their bags and jackets draped over chairs and desks and some will no doubt return to get them once they’re done eating. Javi finding you was one thing but they would be something else.

It takes a few seconds until the solution hits you and you take off past the open plan office and towards the smaller adjacent rooms in the back. The crammed file room that you’ve spent the last night in is sitting in darkness, the blinds almost completely closed. You decide against turning on the big light and simply make your way through the room- which is barely a few steps.

The orange glow of the streetlights filtering through the blinds is enough to let your hands find the couch in the corner and you settle onto it with a small sigh, content to just be still for a moment. It’s a little eerie, especially since you’re not sure if anyone other than Peña and Murphy frequents the space. But the sounds that do drift to you are low and distant, nothing more than a couple of cars honking a few blocks away and a dog barking somewhere in the distance.

You draw your legs up onto the couch, wrapping your arms around them for the lack of actual bedding and lean back, closing your eyes.

It doesn’t become apparent to you that you’ve passed out until you wake with a start. You’re semi-aware of something above you and you squint into the darkness of the room. You can’t see his face but there is the voice you know all too well.

“That you, cariño?” Javi mutters, already a blanket in hand that he nudges against you. It takes you a few more seconds to find your voice, bringing a hand up to rub your eyes, “Thought you left.”

“I came back. Here, go back to sleep. I’ll stay.”

You’re too tired to fight him, to put up any kind of resistance against making this a habit, to bring up that this is a bad idea, for the sake of both of you. The blanket warms you up so quickly, even more so with the way Javier’s body slowly comes to rest beside you. You think you answer something before you pass out again. You can’t remember what you say.

It’s not until the next morning, when you yawn as you head into the office kitchen, that you find out precisely why Javier snuck off last night.

There is cereal. And not the shitty kind- actual Cap’n Crunch, your favorite. The man beside you, who has a reputation for being a playboy and for never staying for breakfast, remembered the way you preferred your breakfast. It’s hard not to let it get to your head.

It does become routine after that. Javi lingers around the office until he can tell if you’ll leave or stay. Most nights you stay. Most turn into all. On the second night in a row, he lights himself a cigarette as he flips through a few more files before going to sleep. On the third, it goes from a bad to a really bad night when the nightmares you never seem to be able to get rid of come for you. For a second, you think this will be one step too far for him. But he barely seems to mind the way you cuddle a bit closer to him and he mumbles soft words until you go back to sleep.

He never mentions it during the day and neither do you. It’s almost like your sleeping arrangements are part of a different world, not the one that spins around your work, that’s full of drugs and death and everything else that makes sleep difficult. But Javi just feels- safe. He never asks too many questions. He just gets the blanket, sets his alarm, makes sure there is cereal in the morning. He feels like a godsent.

Of course, it’s only a question of time until someone notices something. You’re always careful to not head into your little room until everyone else is gone but occasionally, someone will show up too early or during the night- a spontaneous raid, a tip that needs instant investigating. Javi keeps the phone by his side constantly and it takes over a week for you to realize it may not just be to get alerts on developing situations but also to be alerted to someone coming into the office during unusual hours.

So when two weeks have passed and someone does catch you, Javi is glad it's Steve who is clearly just grabbing some files early in the morning and freezes in the doorway. He stares Javi down, who in return gently puts a finger onto his lips and motions for them to head to the hallway, gently closing the door behind himself as he steps out of the office.

“I have no way to be certain about Messina’s stance on this, but something tells me she wouldn't appreciate you bringing your hookers into the embassy,” Steve hums, unable to keep a small smirk off his face. Javi rolls his eyes in return, “I'm not an idiot, do you know that?”

He pauses for a moment and raises his hand just as Steve opens his mouth, “Don't answer that.” His mind is racing with too many thoughts at once. He’s not sure why, of all the things he could choose to tell Steve, he picks the truth when the lies would be so much easier.

“She was assigned a shitty apartment, hasn't been sleeping well. I remember you and Connie having similar issues after you arrived down here. With her, I figured we didn't use the room anyway and she-” he trails off. Steve brows have knitted together as the pieces slowly fall into place, “Somehow, a hooker would have been less complicated than a colleague.” There's another roll of eyes from Javi, the air a little thick with tension.

“I'm trying to help her. That's all.”

“You are trying to help her? Do you really expect me to believe that?” Steve shoots back, raising his voice until Javi motions for him to quiet down, nodding towards the door. The blonde man makes a face, but he does lower his voice as he repeats himself, “You expect me to believe that? You’re just helping her, no motive? It has nothing to do with you feeling the need to fuck your way through half the office by the time we finish the case?”

Javier actually groans at that, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment. He moves his fingers to the side, using them to gently rub his tired eyes. His free arm is resting against his belt, the fingers twitching ever so slightly.

“Fuck you, Murphy. Just leave us alone and get your files in the morning.”

Steve looks like he wants to say something else, but then he thinks better of it. A small glare is sent towards his partner regardless.

“If you fuck this up somehow, Javi, I swear, I will make sure you get in real trouble. She’s too sweet for whatever you are trying to do here.”

It's two nights after the encounter with Steve- who has much to Javier's relief actually left them alone- when it happens again. It's been a particularly exhausting day for both of you, which actually made Javi hopeful that you'd both fall into a deep sleep as soon as you hit the couch. But it's been as mentally draining as it's been physically. And your mind clearly just won’t shut off.

It wakes him. The small stirring, the movement of your body beside his. He’s never been a particularly deep sleeper and Colombia has only made it worse, his brain seemingly always on alert to danger. So when he does wake, it takes Javi a few seconds to realize that the danger his brain is alerting him to is not a sicario sneaking into your room, it’s not a gun held to his head. It’s an entirely different kind of danger, one much less life-threatening but so much more complicated to fix.

A small groan escapes him as he reaches for the small light perched on the file cabinets, pulling the string attached to it. He blinks groggily as it flickers to life, bathing the room into a dim, dusty light. A few moments pass before he hears another whimper behind him and turns towards you, eyes already laced with concern.

Your features are scrunched up, lips slightly apart as the noises find their way out of your dream and into reality. Occasionally, a muscle twitches in your hands or your leg, making the whole scene even more eerie. But what gets Javier the most, what makes the pit in his stomach feel like one that could reach the ground floor, is the wetness on your face. Tears, undoubtedly slipping from your closed eyes and finding their way down the side of your face. It looks absolutely heartbreaking.

“Cariño,” he mutters under his breath, bringing his hand towards your arm and beginning to rub it in a gentle, circular motion.

“Wake up, it’s just a dream. You’re-” For a split second, he wants to say home. But he knows it's so far from the truth. He's not sure you consider any place in this country a home. Actually, he's not sure which place you do consider one.

“You’re alright,” he mumbles instead, adding a little more force to his touch and voice alike. His gaze never leaves your face as your eyes finally fly open, practically choking on the whimper that had just been leaving your throat. The panic is evident in your eyes, in the way they fly around, searching for something, anything to reassure you, to replace the pictures still floating in your mind. They find soft, brown eyes. It’s something to hold onto.

“There you are,” Javi hums, bringing his free hand to your face, his thumb catching the next tear that rolls out of the corner of your eye. “It's okay, you're safe. Just a bad dream.”

You blame it on the panic still sitting in your throat or the way you've just woken up, the way you don't even think about your movements as you move yourself into Javis arms, sneaking your arms around his waist and you think you feel him hesitate for just a moment before he wraps his arms around you in return, whispering reassurances into the dimly lit room and stroking your back.

You cry a little more, when the memories of the dream feel too overwhelming and he holds you through all of it, not once complaining about how long you’re taking to shake the thoughts off.

It’s a good half hour before you’re both lying down again, his back resting against the edge of the sofa, right arm wrapped lazily around you, “You want me to keep the light on for now?”

The idea seems a little silly to you but it takes you right back to evenings in your childhood bedroom, to what felt like endless nights of asking your father to plug in the small night light you'd gotten for christmas. It looked like a sheep, carrying a smile and enough light for you to be able to tell that there were no monsters hiding in the dark corners of your room.

“Querida?” You nod your head quickly, resting it back on his chest, “Yeah, I- let’s keep it on. If that’s okay.”

“Por supuesto que está bien,” (Of course that is okay,) Javier mumbles softly, his left hand reaching below your makeshift bed and producing a pack of Marlboros. You watch the movements of his hands, the ones you see him do at least ten times a day, his fingers reaching for a cigarette, placing it between his slightly parted lips. Pausing to search two pockets for his lighter before finding it.

At a small nudge from you, he pauses, raising a brow, “¿Sí?” You nod towards the pack that’s still resting next to him, “It’s really rude not to offer me one.”

“I thought you didn’t smoke,” he says, seeming genuinely confused for a moment and you almost take pity. You sneak your hand over his torso, drawing a cigarette from the half-empty pack, “I do now.”

To his defense, he does try and look stern for a moment. But he knows it'd be hypocritical at best if he of all people tried to stop you.

“It's a bad habit.”

“Well, then it's our bad habit.”

Javi thinks, for a split moment, that something entirely else is his bad habit. The way he looks at you when you fall asleep before him or the touches that seem to become more and more frequent the longer your sleeping arrangement continues. The way he jerks off in his shower at home, picturing your face, your body draped in his shirt a few nights ago when your blouse was simply too uncomfortable to sleep in. Spilling into his own hand with a groan at those thoughts. Yeah, that's definitely his bad habit.

“Are you going to light it for me or are you hoping it’ll disintegrate if you think hard enough?” You joke gently, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Teasing again already, are we?” Javi hums but he does reach for his lighter and brings it to your face, careful not to get too close.

He waits until you’ve both taken a few drags to ask his question.

“So what was it about?”

You swallow a bit at that, taking another long drag before you shake your head, “Nothing special. It’s already disappearing.” After another moment of thinking, you add, truthfully, “There was something with drugs in it.”

“Not very creative, I’d say. Five out of ten.”

You stare at him in disbelief, “Are you rating my nightmares, Peña?”

“I like to keep track,” he responds, giving you a small wink that you almost miss. You watch the smoke rising from the cigarette between his lips, sighing softly. You don’t like lying to him. Then again, it really was about drugs. Just not in the way he may think. It’s not your fault he’s stupid, sometimes.

“You’re silly. Go to sleep.”

“Go to sleep yourself.”

You do end up falling back asleep first, head still resting on his chest. Javi stays awake a little while longer, just in case the nightmares come back. At least that’s what he tells himself. And if he happens to use that opportunity to study your face a bit more? Well, it’s noones business.

end notes: if you enjoyed this, please reblog and/or leave a comment <3 also subscribe on ao3 or follow me here to catch the next update!

[best-underrated-anime]

Best Underrated Anime Group D Round 4: God Troubles Me (Hanhua Riji) vs Happy Sugar Life

#D2: God Troubles Me (Hanhua Riji)

Prophecy girlie, hyper cellphone, and gamer cat get silly

#D3: Happy Sugar Life

Lots of traumatized minors messing each other up bad

Details and poll under the cut!

#D2: God Troubles Me (Hanhua Riji)

Summary:

Su Moting, the daughter of a god and a monster, is the supposed Chosen One set to fix the balance of the universe, but unfortunately, she’s just barely living as it is. Only just told of her great fate, Su Moting couldn’t care less as she juggles her social life, work, and her new duties (which she doesn’t take seriously). Alongside Moting are Star Tianji and Star Dikui, a god and a monster out to help our protagonist with her grand mission. They, too, are also struggling to figure out life on Earth, as Tianji is an immortal who doubles as the god of Su Moting’s personal cellphone and Dikui is a cat monster immortal more concerned with lazing about. Somehow, they make things work as the best worst roommates of all time.

Propaganda:

Four-season donghua (Chinese anime) that’s so recent and seeped in American pop-culture that I needed to do a double take when a literal cockroach said “Run, Forrest, run,” in English with a heavy Chinese accent. There’s a cat who plays video games (he’s very good at it), a phone who’s the worst kind of hype man, a sentient air conditioner, a guy who can shapeshift into any vehicle, off-brand Super-Man but jerky, a high-ranking god that collects anime figures, and the mega ultra cool protagonist who is a normal human girl fresh out of college and always low on money. It’s great

Trigger Warnings: Animal Cruelty or Death, Child Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Flashing Lights, Racism, Self-Harm, Suicide.

All the TW’s above are done for comedic effect, but they come in fast and hard with the humor. Better safe than sorry! The biggest things I remember are one or two “blink and you’ll miss it” racist jokes, characters joking about killing themselves out of embarrassment (no one goes through with it), and there’s a LOT of self-harm via stupid decisions. Stupid things like tying a loose tooth to the back end of a sports car sort of stupid. The protagonists have 3 brain cells collectively.

#D3: Happy Sugar Life

Summary:

Satou Matsuzaka is a beautiful high schooler who has a reputation for being permissive with men. However, a chance encounter with a young girl named Shio Koube makes Satou realize that this is her first and only true feeling of love.

Telling others that she lives with her aunt, Satou secretly shares an apartment with Shio. Despite her innocent appearance, Satou is willing to do anything to protect her beloved, resorting to desperate measures to ensure that their “happy sugar life” remains intact.

Propaganda:

It is questionable, but in the way that the anime is meant to make you uncomfortable. It’s an uneasy psychological horror. You’re meant to dislike almost the entire cast, so you don’t know who to root for. Yes, the characters are fucked up, but it isn’t glorified as far as I can see.

It made my stomach churn, and I was sobbing at the end because that’s what it was trying to do.

I said it’s not good, meaning it’s not comfortable, and none of the characters are good. But it’s well-written and it’s interesting.

Trigger Warnings:

Child Abuse, Pedophilia (not graphic)

Murder/Violence (one brief scene is semi-violent, but most isn’t shown)

Kidnapping

Rape/Non-Con (not shown, but it’s obvious that it happened/explicitly stated)

Suicide

When reblogging and adding your own propaganda, please tag me @best-underrated-anime so that I’ll be sure to see it.

If you want to criticize one of the shows above to give the one you’re rooting for an advantage, then do so constructively. I do not tolerate groundless hate or slander on this blog. If I catch you doing such a thing in the notes, be it in the tags or reblogs, I will block you.

Know one of the shows above and not satisfied with how it’s presented in this tournament? Just fill up this form with your revisions, and I’ll consider adapting those changes.

New: Starting round 5, screenshots will be included in the poll post. You can submit screenshots through the form linked above, or through here, via ask or dm.

Guidelines in submitting screenshots:

No NSFW or spoilery images.

Pick some good images please. Don’t send any blurry or pixelated ones.

You may send up to 9 screenshots, but not all may be used.

[angellic-critique]

Honestly my biggest fear is to end up writing my characters the same way vivzie does, I feel like she doesn't even try on certain characters(female characters and literally any other that isn't her "uwu baby boi must be protected at all costs" characters like stolas, angel dust). Like imagine completely missing the point of your own character/srs

to everyone pre-release worries and anxieties just as much as I have-- Please take this time to read or explore different interests of books or authors of subjects and genres you like ! In the era of internet where the golden age of information is rusting into brainrot, the less time online anymore the better. I've been taking javascript/python tutorials for myself attempting to make a dating simulator for literal years at this point and its bounced around to the point of where I branched off to develop my own murder mystery 2-d sidescroller !

I wish for this to be a farewell letter to the crushed hopes and dreams I had for the original hazbin pilot and crew has moved on to other things whereas viv attempted to spitefully keep a story she clearly doesn't have any passion over- it is very evident over her lack of care for her own characters purely for the monetary gains of attempting and sadly wriggling her way into industry the way she did is so abhorrent to the world of genuine art and animation I grew up with.

Has Vivzie ever read a Felix the Cat comic strip or Dilbert even Hägar The Horrible? Does she even know about the history and strive of depth that animation has been at for hundreds of years? Does she even like comics, clearly not if she doesn't even have the patience to write her own and horribly rush whichever story she's interested in that day. I've never seen a careless writer be this selfishly unashamed to write literal garbage and surface level 'intrigue' of design and then falling flat face first at EVERY step. Hope she becomes as unbearable of a director as John K. is because honestly even though I'm cringing making that comparison, it's pretty fair in my book considering the outright ABUSE she has always trying to talk or hoard artists into her 'pet project' I recommend above anything else to watch Dan Stamanolous' 'Moral Orel' if you want an actually funny dark comedy or Christy Karacas' fast paced dark horror comic-come-to-life Superjail! for good animattion that doesn't belittle its audience... *[Trigger Warnings for Adult Swim-esque outdated 2007 humor and light transphobia, read for your own triggers if you dont want to though, please!]

The fact that Stollitz is written so flimsily like a wattpad fanficiton of tropes rolled into one is astounding to me, I used to like the dynamic pre-season 2 as I've mentioned on here and @tired-hellowl so I really don't want to get a headache going into how I USED to like it-Realizing the problematic consent issues all of STOLASS is, I physically cannot watch another Helluva or Hazbin promo anymore without rolling my eyes into the back of my head.

To the anons and people who used to also enjoy vivs work, there are other artists and there are other stories to tell. If you wish to be inspired from Dante's Inferno/Hell or WESTERN CHRISTIAN BASED RELIGION keep in mind what source material you're doing because I don't even think vivzie has picked up the bible once in her life.... And I say this as a drifter in the world who believes in reincarnation I don't really vibe with the athiest stereotypes however, I don't believe in most religion but more power to people that do get hope and love from their teachings and cultures.

She entirely missed the mark for several years, nearly a decade. Viv has had time and time again chance and opportunity to give a chance of storytelling with demons and what does she do? Adult Cartoon that has the demons scream 'FUCK SHIT DAMNIT DAMNIT LOOK IM SO HORNY AND SILLY AND WACKY WOAHH THE SCREEN IS CONSTANTLY MOVING YOU CAN NEVER HAVE A SECOND TO BREATH IN ANY AMOUNT OF WORLBUILDING OR SETTING BECAUSE FUCK. YOU.'--

I have said this time and time again- there is no substance or worth about Helluva Bosses or Hazbins writing, even without the show not being released because Amazon seems ashamed about it, I know it'll be a shitshow.

Honestly at this point I agree with the redesign community, take any character you used to like and rewrite them until it's unrecognizable from the original source material, let those fuckers in space fight alien pirates or hell take them out of the heaven and hell trope and just flip it on it's head entirely out of earth or wherever you want to set your story! I'm personally redesigning angel to be a slight aid to my addiction help via rewriting him into my murder mystery heheh while keeping the sexual abuse and recovery in mind because woah that shit happened to me too man !!!

I wish the best to any future writers, animators, programmers, lovers of animation or art, you can do what you put your mind and hands to! Spread more positivity and love then hate in this world please guys, this'll be the last time I pop in I promise I'm trying to get a better job and hopefully get accepted in a community college that i've been on the fence over trying to do more online coding ! The sky is the limit!<3

[chaneajoyyy]

Just watched top gun maverick…… and whooo Chile. Any fics for any of them and a poc or black reader?

You know it! @leahnicole1219

TOP GUN FANFICITON (!black reader or !poc reader)

BRADLEY "ROOSTER" BRADSHAW

"you know what i need in my life is to run and jump iinto bradley bradshaws arms to kiss him like he's gets back imma sprint"- @inkdrinkerworld

"he met me in my im going to stay single phase & now i'm obsessed with him (!au)- @deanscroissant

hit the hard deck series- @purplelily247

crush (bradley x black!oc), good wife (x!blackoc)- @dulcewrites/@dulcelibra

"he puts on such a hard front but he's a total pleaser in the bedroom. he'll go all out if you're having a hard day and not ask for anything in return, no matter how much you insist it'll make you feel even better, the rooster and i series- @princessphilly

LT JAKE "HANGMAN" SERESIN

call me jake series, watermelon sugar, hangman is secretly possessive and loves leaving marks everywhere he can especially if he sees someone else flirting with his girl, Can I request a soft moment between Hangman and the girl he is seeing?, thinking about calling him daddy for the first time. Like, it just slips when you’re begging him to touch or fuck you and the man goes feral., ohhhhh Hangman finally getting with the girl of his dreams but she’s not convinced he actually likes her because she’s heavier and he’s carved like a greek statue, so he spends the night proving to her just how much he’s attracted to her, i know you wanted smutty but I’ve been feeling really blah lately so if you could hit me with some humor fluff maybe slight smut? With rbf reader who is blunt saying 10) “Look, I’m not into choking but I wouldn’t mind if you grabbed me by the neck every once in a while.” To hangman while playing pool just completely shocking him, going off the thought that Hangman has a classic sailor pinup on his thigh... Could we please have some Hangman tattoo worship please?- @princessphilly

mrs. seresin- @afictionalwhor3

jake's love language, cowboy's date with a georgian (xblack!oc), wet dreams, texas roadhouse, jade, alien storytime (another world series) - @entertainmentgirl80

"hello hello my love <3 I thought maybe I could request something where reader has never really been comforted when crying throughout her life but one time Jake walks in on her crying and just comforts her. She doesn’t expect that and it’s all just a bunch of fluff! I love your writing so much thank you for putting your work out for people to enjoy <3- @inkdrinkerworld

you're pretty, so happening, you're alive, trip to the bahamas no fuck that series- @itsthestutterforme

LT RUBEN "PAYBACK" FITCH

"we neverrrr talk about Payback. Tell me about what happens when Reuben takes a girl out on their first date. Since I'm feeling all mushy."- @princessphilly

LT JAVY "COYOTE" MACHADO

"just wanna share sime little thots on Javy but damn does that man look like he gives such good head. He's reserved but when its behing closed doors that mouth can do anything you want ((but you'll have to ask niceky first)) 🥴", "thots on Coyote and pussy worship?"- @princessphilly

daylight, pie, cancelled flights and beignets- @siempre-bucky

if it's worth your time series, promise this ain't a test, i did what i had to do, for better days, how sweet it is...- @coyotesamachado

flight scare- @words-4u

pie- @siempre-bucky

LT BILLY "FRITZ" AVALONE

***

LT MICKEY "FANBOY" GARCIA

what happens when mickey grows his hair out... - @siempre-bucky

take me by the heart, take me by the hand- @rae-gar-targaryen

warped series (with jake seresin)- @anjaelle

ROBERT "BOB" FLOYD

sundress season, bob is a freak in the bedroom, good girls do, bob and his good girl's wedding night, "anything you got for rooster i'll take it...literally anything but like him on the beach playing touch football" - @princessphilly

white christmas (spy/the americans au)- @dulcewrites

morning showers, koko's and bobby's sexy time, koko's insecurities, expecting again koko's & bobby's special day, koko's special valentine's, - @entertainmentgirl80

the new girl, i think you're cute- @ladyelissarose

might be an understatement- @friendlyneighborhoodchaosdemon

***LET ME KNOW IF YOU HAVE ANY !BLACK READER OR !POC READER FIC WITH THESE CHARACTERS HIT MY LINE!!!***

[archivalofsins]

Milgram Characters as The Lonely Island songs

This is The Lonely Island literally every song here is explicit and contains toilet humor. These songs are from the 2010s this is the only warning I'm giving.

Haruka and Kotoko- Shy Ronnie

"*mumbling* Speak up! Shy Ronnie, speak up! *mumbling* Okay, I'll take it from here. HA-HA! Okay." "HA-HA! Names Shy Ronnie and I'm running this shit- You know I stay steady strapping cause life is a bitch- Hey- *mumbling* I forgot my purse buh-bye again."

20/05/27

Haruka: Haa…… haa……Haa…… Ah…… Um…… Ko-Koto-Kotokotoko-san…… Kotoko: ……what? Haruka: Eek…… eh, um……! I-I! I’m sorry! ……I-I’ll see you later……! Kotoko: ……what was that about? This is the third time. Mikoto: Oh~ Koto-chan, you’re here. The guard was complaining earlier that you never answered their call. Kotoko: Huh? ……I never heard about anything like… Haruka……!?

Yuno- Hugs "You think we're an item just because I gave you a hug- Trick you better think again." "I don't love 'em end of the fucking discussion." "So, don't catch feelings it ain't love."

"“Poor naïve little girl”? So off the mark, what’s it to you? It’s just absurd."

"Like really, who do you think you are?"

Futa- Threw It On The Ground

"You must think I'm a joke. I ain't gonna be part of your system." - "I don't need your handouts! I'm an adult! Please, you can't buy me!"- "Welcome to the real world jackass."

"Bust out, explode that counter uppercut!" - "The fight’s up here! Come up to the ring and face me!"

"It’s not even my fault, not even slightly."

Mu: I'm So Humble

"I've got it all and I'm getting more but I never fall. Beat 'em all. Cause you know I'm so humble." - "The thing about me that's so impressive is how infrequently I mention all of my successes." "My bellies full from all the pride I swallow."

"I told you I’m queen, and it’s always the same. God gave me everything, everything is as I wish."

"Take more and more (honey) and devote to me."

Shidou: YOLO You Oughta Look Out. "This life is a precious gift. So, don't get too crazy it's not worth the risk. You know that we are still young. So don't be dumb. Don't trust anyone cause you only live once."

(This is for the bit. I'm not even going to try to defend this. Though warning this song could exacerbate paranoia. In the same way dumb ways to die can. Also has some body horror in it.)

"Those cards of promise I discarded, they were retribution for my incessant taking- In that case, give me the chance to make amends. To extract that fang, now."

Gotta childproof another house now. Hopefully this time he does it better.

"So this is unpleasant, so this makes me sick What do you mean INNOCENT, if this is my punishment. Now I see, this world is cruel and merciless. I want to be INNOCENT, I want to live."

Man uses reverse psychology at the most inopportune time. Side note Shidou, Kazui and Mikoto- Diaper Money.

Mahiru and Kazui: The Creep

"When you're out at a club and you see a fly girl do the creep. And if you want to make friends at the atm do the creep."

(This is self-explanatory but also me being petty that Mahiru got the creepy allegations and Kazui does about the same shit she does. So I threw him in here too.)

"My love, it scored an own goal, destroyed my love and me with its weight. Tell me, oh tell me why, can’t I just do it right?"

Kazui: 3-Way (The Golden Rule) "Hey boy's I want you both. I hope that you think that's cool- I know most guys won't freak together. But she forgot about the golden rule; it's okay when it's in a three way. It's not gay when it's in a three way. With a honey in the middle there's some leeway." "The areas grey in a one, two, three way." "Here in the dark (here in the dark) it's hard to tell (so hard to tell)- where her body ends (lala) and my homies begins."

"The beating of this heart... see... it’s no longer about good and bad... it isn’t."

"I just wanted to ask, so it’s out in the open. I just got a little greedy."

"I wanted to be loved, just like a cat. Maybe act capricious, on my word and at my fancy."

Amane: "F**k Off" "Fuck off, cause I might be young but I'll dig your grave 'til the job is done. So, fuck off- I'm gonna live forever!" "Cause you're not my dad so shut the fuck up and wipe my ass."

"The “It can’t be helped”, from the scum that can’t be helped. That makes them doubtlessly, clearly, absolutely, unequivocally, beyond any doubt, categorically, emphatically, GUILTY!"

"You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already."

Mikoto: Just 2 Guyz "We're just two guys who are having a good time." "Having fun guy one? The most fun in the world." (gets increasingly more ominous and no one sounds like they're having a good time. I feel like this one is self explanatory.)

[nkirukaj]

Fawning for You (7)

Pairing: Alastor x Voe (Fem!OC)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Angst (& Humor!)

Word Count: 2.4K

7. Don't Lose Ur Head

“So, he didn’t want to have sex with me,”

“Aw dang, he’s gay? Well send him on over here”

She laughs “He’s not gay!”

“Please, all sirens are at least bi,”

“Well he’s not homosexual…he kissed me,” she said like a little schoolgirl

“Aww, how cute. And gross. ‘He kissed me’” he pokes her side “Oooooh,”

Voe laughs “Stop!”

Just then Casper walks up into the parlor

“Hi Casper,” she waves to the siren

“Good morning,” he waves back

She sits up “So tell me something, why did you run away last night?”

He blushes “It was just a…it was out of character for me,”

“The running or the kiss?”

“The kiss,”

“Well don’t worry, it was just right,” she winks at him

Alastor enters the parlor and sits in his usual seat. He stares at the doe and the siren as they chat, smiling from ear to ear, filling him with disgust. Casper goes and takes his seat in a chair, while Voe stares at him biting her lip. She leaves her spot next to Angel and sits on Casper’s lap. Alastor squints at them, only for them to fall off the chair. Alastor snickers, but stops when he hears her and Casper laughing as well.

“Thanks, Casper,” Voe says

“What? You sat on my lap!”

“Why are you sitting on the chair like that?”

“That’s how I sit on chairs!”

“You’re literally ‘on the edge of your seat’” she chuckles

Casper sits back on the chair, “Yes I am,”

Voe places her palm on the siren’s chest “Move back,” she pushes him further back on the chair and plops right down on his lap.

“Better?”

“Better,” she speaks seductively

Alastor thought this was a place for adults, not a playground. He had grown tired of her antics, clearly trying to get a rise out of him and he wasn’t going to let it happen. He wondered when she would give up this game and admit that she was wrong and then maybe they could move past this. He gets up and exits, knowing he can no longer stand the childish display in front of him. Alastor could not take this for that much longer. What was her end goal? What was going on through her mind? Toying with him in this manner was just cruel, and she was looking for redemption? She would never reach heaven if she continued to play with his feelings. Shoving her new date in his face like he was some common sinner. He was the Radio Demon for fuck’s sake. He takes the time to breathe and compress, for him to think clearly. He had plans. Big plans. And he refused to let her and her foolishness get in the way. Even if he did miss her scent, her eyes, her hair, and her smile. Even if he sometimes dreamed about caressing her skin, pulling down her straps, and kissing her shoulder. Even if he thought of sliding down her-

Focus Alastor, focus.

“I want to see your hotel room, is there water in there?”

Casper scoffs “No,”

“Ugh, you’re so boring!”

“What do you think cuz I’m a fish that-“

“Yes,”

“Oh my gosh,” he shakes his head “No, you’re wrong,”

“And you’re boring,”

“I guess I’m boring,”

Voe leans back “So, what did you do to get down here?”

“Apparently being a bystander in a frat house gets you into Hell,”

“Ugh, you were a frat boy?”

“Yeah, but I’m here because I want to change,” he purses his lips “Let a lot of things slide and when you let too much slide then you end up down here,”

“That seems so unlike you, but then again, I haven’t known you for that long,”

He picks up a grape with his tail “What about you?” and feeds it to himself

She leans on her arm “Um, I was a mean girl. A really mean girl. And I ruined a few people’s lives and reputations for my own desires. Like sleeping with married women.”

Casper furrows his brows “Why though?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you do that?”

She stops and thinks about it, no one had ever asked her why she chose to do the things that got her into Hell

“I guess because I was bored?”

“Cop-out!”

She laughs “Okay!” she thinks some more “I guess so no one would pick on me, I picked on them myself,”

“Who picked on you?”

“When I was a kid other kids made fun of me for my autism,”

“You’re autistic?”

She nods “Yup, and you know other kids are really good at picking up on that kind of stuff. So they bullied me. Called me names and such. So I grew up with very low self-esteem, and you know.” she shrugs “People with low self-esteem do anything to feel good about themselves, even if it never lasts,”

Casper sits, staring at her

“What?”

“I think it’s really admirable that you know what you need to fix,”

“I agree, but about you,” she pulls at her ear

Casper points up “Is that a stim?” she nods and he stares longer “May I kiss you again?” she nods again

Casper leans in and catches her lips with his and she wraps her arms around his neck as he lays her down on the carpeted floor.

Alastor came upon her in the hallway, her standing in place and texting. He dissipates his cane and decides to try something different. He approaches her from behind and wraps his arms around her pulling her close to his chest and resting his chin on her head. After hearing her sniff and snuggle back, she pulls away and whips around in anger.

“What are you doing?”

Alastor’s face turns a slight red in the cheeks, embarrassing really. “I-I apologize,” he walked away 

He cannot be doing this now! He ignored her all this time and now once she’s getting into something with Casper, he comes along and gives her butterflies? Now hewants to give her affection? What was he trying to do to her head? Voe drops her head in her hands and makes herself sob. It sucks so bad that even after all this time she still loved him and wanted him. 

“Then make yourself un-want him!”

Voe groans “I’m pretty sure that’s impossible,”

“I get it,”

She smirks a little “Like how you want Husk?”

“I mean, no. That’s not who I was talking about,”

She stares “Val?”

“Yeah…”

“Do you miss him?”

Angel tilts his head “Sometimes I do. Sometimes I miss him a lot,”

“What do you do then?”

“What I usually do to forget,”

“Get high?”

He nods “Yup,”

She stops and sits there thinking “Can I get high with you?”

“What?”

She repeats herself “Can I get high with you?”

“Um sure, wanna go to the club?”

Voe shakes her head “No, not again,”

Angel laughs and pulls out a baggie,  “Let’s do it!”

Voe has tears running in a constant waterfall down her face. She sobs onto Angel’s shoulder and the spider rolls his eyes 

“Well, that didn’t work,”

“And I don’t understand! I just wanna feel special you know? I wanna feel pretty, am I pretty?”

He pets her head “You’re gorgeous,”

“Why doesn’t Alastor think I’m pretty?”

“I’m sure he thinks you’re beautiful,”

She sits up to look at the spider “Then he would tell me right? And I wanna be a good person, but it’s so hard when I feel bad about myself!”

“Don’t feel bad about yourself,’

Voe snorts “Thanks,”

“I don’t know! Dames are weird!”

“Sexist!” she sneezes

Voe stands and exits her room 

“Wait where you going? Hey, hey!” he looks out the door and sees her getting in the elevator “Oh shit!” Angel rushes toward the elevator and gets there as the door closes “Shit! Welp, it’s out of my hands,” he says as he snorts another spoon

Voe bangs on Alastor’s door, tears still running. She doesn’t say anything but stands there waiting for him to open the door. He does.

“Can I help you?” he asks with a confused look in his eyes

She swallows, holding herself “Do you hate me?”

“What?”

“Go ahead and say it, you hate me!”

“I don’t hate you. Why would I hate you?”

She looks away “Because I told the Vees all that information about you. But I did not tell them everything!”

“Well, you sure told them enough,”

“I didn’t tell them about your dad,”

Alastor stands quietly “Probably because by then it was too late,”

“No,” she shakes her head 

“No?” he raises his brow

“No, he-he-he Vox, he asked me for more after you told me that, and I didn’t tell him!” she flaps her hands vigorously.

Angel finally gets up the stairs “AH! What’d’ya say? Whatever she said she didn’t mean it,”

Voe claps at every syllable “I mean everything!”

“Ah shit, anybody gonna tell me what she said?”

Alastor turns back to Voe, ignoring Angel “Did you come here to accomplish something?” he raises his eyebrows

Voe points her finger at Alastor, poking his nose, he moves back “You don’t think I’m pretty!” she flaps her hands again

Alastor grabs her wrists “I think you’re beautiful,” looking her in the eyes

Voe blushes and cries a bit more “Then why do you treat me so bad?”

“The same reason you treat me so bad, my dear,” he poked Voe’s nose “Take her to bed,” he told Angel

“Yeah,” Angel picks up Voe and tosses her over his shoulder

“I’m not done!” she shouts

“Yeah, ya are. Maybe I won’t tell you about this tomorrow, it’ll be like it never happened,”

“Alastor!” He stares at her as Angel carries her to the elevator, slightly waving as the doors close.

Alastor reenters his bedroom. He had been reading a novel before the sudden intrusion. He couldn’t get back into the intricacies of the story after that little debacle. What had she meant when she said that he didn’t think she was pretty? Of course, he thought she was beautiful. He always had. And she knew that. So why did she ask that? And what had she meant when she asked if he hated her? No, of course not. He did have some tendencies to be petty and cruel, but she knew this also, why was she asking questions that she knew the answers to? He had never been this confused before. Not when he decided to become a radio host, not when he committed murders, or when he ate other demons. Leave it to her to confuse him unlike he’d ever been before. He sits down in his armchair, perhaps he should try something different? Though he has done that and gotten this result, perhaps he needed to try something in the middle, he thought. Or perhaps she needed to wake up and smell the coffee. 

“Hey, Casper?”

“Hm?”

“I just wanna make something clear,”

He turns to look at her “Okay,”

She fiddled with her fingers “I’m not looking for something super serious,”

“Okay, that’s fine,”

“Like I’m not trying to fall in love,”

“Neither am I,”

“Great! We’re on the same page,”

“Cool,”

They stand in silence for a moment “Can we make out again?”

“Definitely,”

______________________________

“Okay, so I never want to do crack again. It didn’t help, all I remember is feeling even worse, guess because I wasn’t sober enough to suppress my feelings ha ha ha”

voe the crackhead???

crackhead doe 😂😂😂

“I’m not a crackhead! I just tried it once to feel better, but it didn’t work. So what else can I try? Not drugs!”

lol fresh outta luck

alcohol?

“Tried that already,”

lmao then outta luck lmaoooo

how is rhe theater???

yeah how’s the theater

what show ya doing?

do hello dolly!

“Oh my gosh, that show is so old! The theater is coming along wonderfully! If anyone else would like to work under me, you can come to the theater and sign the contract. But at the moment we are now working on the first layer of the stage, it’s almost done, we just have to fortify it. Is that the right word? I don’t know, we’re making it stronger I guess? Leaving some space in between to make it so there would be something of a hollowish sound when you step on it. Planks in between. I don’t know, you guys probably don’t care. But I’m not doing ‘Hello Dolly!’ I’m thinking of something more contemporary, on the bright side, I don’t have to worry about copyright and licensing laws because who’s gonna sue me? I’m in Hell!” She laughs 

so what you gonna do?

“I was thinking of letting my staff decide, via voting. So if you want a say then you know what to do,”  She gives a wink to the camera “Do y’all even like theater?”

lol

kinda??

never allowed in in my time period

im a man from the 1800s

theater makes you gay

theater is unbecoming for a woman

women shouldn’t be in theater

“How are you on social on social media with those opinions? Like, are you keeping up with the times or not?”

opinions matter

“They shouldn’t if they’re holding you back!”

…is she serious 

she deadass??

“All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t let anything step in the way of your happiness,”

WHAT IF I DON’T WANT TO BE OWNED

LIKE I WAS A SLAVE

“Like…for real? Like antebellum south?”

YEAH FOR REAL

“Well…shit, that’s crazy. Do you even know what theater is?”

are you sure you know what you’re doing?

“Is anybody ever 100% sure?”

she doesn’t know what shes doing

“Nope!” and she logs off.

Woof. Now she was sweating. That felt really intense for no reason. Perhaps she didn’t know what she was doing, but it much it was much too late to back down now. She wasn’t used to having to plan things out. She would always just wing it and it would work out. But it was time to get real, being an Overlord wasn’t a joke, and she really needed to get her shit together.

[thegeminisage]

IT IS. star trek update time. last night we did ds9's "the muse" and voy's "the thaw."

the muse (ds9):

the a-plot of this was so fucking stupid. WHY is it always jake and older women...can we please cut him a fucking break...

also, the mysticism around writing. "i can show you exercises and techniques" "you have so many ideas it all seems too big to you right now" come on. the only exercise and technique she needed to show him was how to fucking outline. it's not MAGIC you don't get divinely graced with the ability to write a book you just sit down and do one little bit at a time. i cannot believe writers wrote this. insufferable. they sound like george rr martin i hope he is having a bad day wherever he is

jake and sisko at the end were so cute though...sisko my beloved...

the b plot.............................................

here's the thing. while i have reversed my stance on lwaxana troi, who got much better in her final few episodes (was this the last one or do we have one more...?), i don't want odo/lwaxana to be better than odo/kira and the odo/lwaxana was REALLY GOOD. and ik some people really didn't like the way odo/kira wound up happening in canon so even though idk what happens yet NOBODY TELL ME i am bracing for it to be bad and to love it unconditionally anyway. so that was a huge struggle for me

odo in his little shapeshifter playground feeding off of lwaxana's giddiness...i wish deanna had been able to do the reverse-empath thing on tng, it would have been so much fun

ALSO i cant believe he finally got his first little smooch!!!! GOOD FOR HIM

the thaw (voy)

sigh. so apparently a lot of people really like this episode but i...hated it. one of the worst voy episodes to date actually

whatever this episode THINKS it's saying about fear is lost under the set dressing. and the set dressing IS really cool - i like the wacky practical effects and bright colors. it reminds me a lot of tos. in fact, this whole episode could have been a tos episode, but it would have been one of those tos episodes that makes the top 10 worst ranking or whatever

the problem is the Randumb XD Humor...it's like q, like the squire of gothos. it just doesn't hit for me and never will. like, the actors were good at what they did, the costumes looked great, the set was funky, even the background music really fucked, but things being Randumb XD is just too dated for me. i don't mind star trek being dated most of the time but this is where i draw the line. maybe i'd like it better if i gave it another shot, but i probably will not be doing that

i think janeway called it in, with her acting. like everyone's like damn she ACTED no girl she did a lot of dramatic whispering. and who can blame her. the script was all over the place

i just think if you're trying to terrify people you could do better than the circus theme. yeah, clowns bad, but even tng had that spooky morgue thing happening

also, lost opportunity: if this clown guy can kill people by scaring them to death ie making them live the experience of getting their heads chopped off virtually which gives them a heart attack in real life then why not write tuvok, local expert at conquering fear, into this episode? you could have cut off tuvok's head and he wouldn't have died of fright. it would have been perfect for the metaphor

the ending to this episode would have fucked a lot more if the rest of it hadn't sucked so bad. janeway's murder walk was REALLY good. it's also something kirk would have done, if they'd had the holodeck in tos, and thank GOD they didn't

but yeah, the solution of fear needing conquering and wanting to be conquered just doesn't hit when most of the script...didn't really talk about fear, it was just wilding out

TONIGHT: ds9's "for the cause" and voy's "tuvix"...okay, wait, i'm just now looking at these episode titles. everyone on reddit is always so mad about janeway killing a guy named tuvix but i thought i got it mixed up with tuvOK. like i literally thought she killed tuvok and everybody was like dw about it she doesn't kill tuvok so who tf is tuvix...is this a clone thing or something? like black shirt green shirt tuvok?? please let it be a clone thing

[vethbrenatto]

TLOVM S2E10 Thoughts:

*chants* vaxilmore vaxilmore vaxilmore!

This lighting on Grog is so beautiful

Ahhh grog is getting ragdolled

IMPALED?????

VOX MACHINA FUCK SHIT UP!!!!

THAT SHOT OF PERCY IN FRONT OF THE FIRE

Honestly these combats vs humanoid opponents I find much more visually compelling than the dragon battles

I WAS SO LOST IN THE EUPHORIA OF THE BATTLE I TOTALLH FORGOT GROG GOES IN THE NECKLACE

holy shit they’re in a tavern are we gonna get the Kaylie reveal???

not kiki getting rejected Ahhhh

KAYLIE DUET KAYLIE DUET oh my god. give me the inn room scene. Please I never thought we’d get it

I’m so glad they kept this in fucking hell this is so funny

Okay I didn’t say it but that tavern song slapped

WAIT IM DADDY

Best Characterization: Grog, Keyleth

TLOVM S2E11 Thoughts

Oh my god he’s gonna tell a fake story about her mother

Gee Thordak does hate mankind’s bubbles

Icky icky blood bath. literally

raven mommy! she looks sick

Nerdcy strikes again

Are they really gonna leave Kaylie off like that? No “don’t die”? :(

Supergrog!

OH the sword is the immovable rod. I so did not get that. I was like what is this fucking sword Kaylie has that’s random as hell

This battle scene… surprisingly true to campaign

TLOVM S2E12 Thoughts:

not vax on the kids faces ahdjfkkflf

had a momentary terrifying “are they going to make scanlan leave this ep with Kaylie to marquet” but literally they can’t skip a bards lament and would have no time to cover it here so I calmed myself down

Time to fly vaxy boy

Kams head??! Umbrasyl that is sooo fucked up my guy

PIKELAN FIRST SHIP KISS OF THE SHOW YALL FFYCKING WE STAY WINNING

DEATHBED KISS DEATHBED KISS

I’m NOT LETTING THIS GO BITCH

but honestly having scanlan kill the dragon was so good. such a good creative decision.

GROG PIKE AND WILHAND IN THE LOCKET

No shit Raishan?? Having her he Yennan is actually so good I didn’t see it coming

Best Characterization: Scanlannn

Overall Best Characterization of E10-12: Scanlan

Overall Thoughts:

I thought S2 was a big improvement on S1 and I loved Season 1. I was worried on how they would handle so many different adventures but it just flowed? It was never dull, I was captivated the whole time. The writers have such a better grasp on their tone and their humor.

I didn’t have many doubts about the adaptation after season 1 and I have even less now. The show did such a great job this season with character spotlight. Everyone got a place to shine except Percy & Pike who were mostly seen via their relationships (Vax & Vex and Grog & Scanlan respectively), which is fair considering how big of spotlights they both got in S1.

I’m just. So happy with this season. I really couldn’t choose between them but my favorite batch of episodes was either 7-9 or 10-12.

[agaypanic]

Can I request alysssa from teotfw and it’s literally just the reader as James instead!! But the reader is ever so slightly more normal - literally go crazy I just thought that would be a cool idea!!

Two Girls and a Car (Alyssa Foley X Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: You and Alyssa, two rebellious loners, find each other at school and decide to date. Her being sick of her new family and you tired of your boring life, you decide to steal your dad’s car and skip town.

A/N: teotfw but make it sapphic>>> couple things, 1: this is based off the first episode (im using a script teehee) where reader is james with less murderous tendencies. 2: idk how good this is gonna be bc i usually write in second person, but bc of the show being told in first person perspectives, this is written in first person but only from reader’s pov. 3: if you couldn’t tell from my derry girl fics (or any other non-american media i write), im american so i dont really know english lingo or anything that well. 4: this could be a two parter?? Or maybe a series??? Lmk what yall think

***

I’m Y/n.

I’m seventeen.

And I’m pretty sure there’s something wrong with me. Like, really wrong.

When I was eight, I realized I didn’t have a sense of humor. At first, I thought that my dad was just the worst at jokes. And he is, probably. But nothing’s really amusing to me, and I don’t know why.

I’ve always wanted to punch my dad in the face. That seems like a problem, considering he’s my dad and all. But if you met him, you’d probably agree. Even if he looks all cheery and nice, he’s a bit of a prick.

When I was nine, my dad bought a deep-fat fryer he had seen on an American shopping channel. One day, I put my hand in it. I wanted to make myself feel something.

It worked, but only for a moment. Now I have a fucked up hand, all for a moment of feeling something.

I was in the cafeteria when I first met her. Alyssa. She was the new girl, and after shouting at her friends and smashing something on the ground, she made her way over to me. She stood right in front of me, staring me down.

“Hey.” I hear after taking off my headphones.

“Hey.”

“I’ve seen you skating.” I didn’t know how to respond. We stared at each other for a moment before she spoke again. “You’re pretty shit.”

“Fuck off.”

Alyssa was interesting, to say the least. After school, she found me again, sitting on a bench outside.

“Are you waiting for me?” She asked. I wasn’t; I just didn’t want to go home yet. But instead, I nodded, and she sat on the bench beside me.

The next thing I knew, we were making out. I didn’t really mind it. Alyssa was a bit of an aggressive kisser, but I had never really kissed anyone before, so I didn’t feel like complaining. 

I wonder if I could fall in love with Alyssa. Maybe not. But I could pretend.

She grabbed my hand and placed it on her boob, but then she pulled away.

“What happened to your hand?” Alyssa asked, gesturing to my fucked up hand that was on her tit. 

“Shut up.” I didn’t want to talk about it, and luckily, she didn’t feel like pressing. So I just switched hands, letting the messed up one grip at her sweater as we continued snogging. It was an okay way to pass the time, better than sitting at home. 

Eventually, we had to leave. So we just started walking. I don’t think either of us knew where we were going, so we just wandered down the middle of a vacant street. I would’ve ridden my skateboard, but apparently I was shit at it.

“I haven’t got a phone,” Alyssa said suddenly. 

“Okay.”

“I smashed it.” So that must’ve been what she’d thrown in the cafeteria today.

“Okay.” I could feel her look at me.

“Like, on purpose.” Did she want me to think she was crazy? Maybe she was, but I don’t think I had any room to judge her.

“Okay.” 

“So you can’t call me.” This time, she turned to me slightly as she spoke, like she was trying to invoke a reaction in me.

“That’s fine.” She seemed surprised that I had finally given a different response. “I don’t have a phone either.”

“Really?” Alyssa asked, turning to me again.

“Yeah. I hate them.” I didn’t see the point of them. Just like I didn’t see the point in this conversation. What did people in love talk about? “Wanna go on a date?”

***

She said yes. So I took her to a diner, one that was cheap but still looked nice and had decent food. But it didn’t last long. Alyssa had ordered a few things, and the waitress made a comment about how hungry she was. They both giggled, but Alyssa’s was more insincere.

“And an extra fucking spoon.” Alyssa finished off, setting the menu down. The waitress looked horrified.

“Excuse me?”

“For her,” Alyssa said, gesturing to me. I guess it was nice of her to think about me, but I didn’t feel like eating a banana split.

The waitress scoffed, closing her notepad.

“Sorry. You can’t use language like that. Otherwise, I’m gonna have to ask you and your friend to leave.”

“She’s my girlfriend.” Alyssa corrected.

“Fine, I’ll have to ask you and your girlfriend to leave.”

“Okay.” Her tone was mocking, and the waitress gave her a look. Alyssa sighed, seeming more sincere. “Okay, I’m sorry. Sorry.” The waitress seemed pleased, but that’s when it really went to shit. “I will have… a great big banana shit with extra fucking cherries all on top of it.”

“Right, yeah, that’s it. Marvin!” The waitress called back to the kitchen, where the only other person in this diner was. 

“Oh yeah!” Alyssa raised her voice, staring the woman down. “Go get Marvin! See if Marvin can make a banana split for me, you fucking cunt!” Then she grabbed her things and stormed out of the diner, slamming the door behind her. 

It was clear that Alyssa had a short fuse.

“Sorry about her,” I said. The waitress and I stared at each other for a minute before I grabbed my board and left. Alyssa was stomping down the street, so I used my skateboard to catch up. She had her usual deadpan expression when I got to her. “...You okay?”

“Shut up.” I didn’t feel like arguing. “God, I think we live in the most boring town on the planet.”

“Probably.”

“Everyone’s so fucking square.” She said with a huff. Then she looked at me. “Are you boring too?”

Probably.

“No.” 

We walked for a bit before Alyssa spoke again.

“Can we go to your house?”

***

I said yes. When we got to my place, Alyssa said my house was weird and had too many windows. I didn’t really notice until she brought it up. 

Alyssa likes to touch and grab things. I guess looking at it wasn’t enough for her, but it was starting to get on my nerves a bit.

“Is this your mum?” She asked, holding up a picture.

“Yeah.” I didn’t have to look at the photo to know it was her. I didn’t like looking at pictures of my mum anymore. “She lives in Japan.” She doesn’t.

“Cool.” Alyssa stared at the picture for a moment. “You look like her.”

I felt stiff after that. Alyssa didn’t seem to notice, and if she did, she didn’t care enough to mention it.

Then the front door opened, and I felt even stiffer.

“Fuck.” I muttered. This day was shit. Before Alyssa could ask what was wrong, my dad’s voice bellowed from the hallway.

“The hunter has returned!”

When he saw Alyssa, he insisted on us sitting down for a cup of tea so we could all chat. I couldn’t remember the last time I sat down and had a chat with my dad, but I definitely didn’t want to start now. Dad sat at the head of the table while Alyssa and I sat across from each other.

“Well, this is nice!” My dad said. I could feel the idiotic smile radiating off of him.

“What is?” Alyssa asked. 

“This. You two.” Dad gestured to the two of us. I drank my tea so I wouldn’t have to say anything. He let out a laugh. “What a relief! You know, I always thought there was something wrong with her.” This was a good reminder of why I didn’t talk to my dad. “I thought probably she’d never like anyone, or would even… Well, you know. Which is fine, obviously. But, here you are.”

“Maybe she doesn’t,” Alyssa suggested. She was a very blunt and confrontational person. Maybe it was a good thing we met. “Maybe she’s asexual. Maybe I’m just bi-curious.” Alyssa leaned back in her chair and took a sip of her tea. “We’re dealing with a really broad spectrum these days.”

We fell into an awkward silence after that. The only sounds made were drinking and the occasional sniffle. Eventually, my cup was empty, but I wasn’t about to stick around for another.

“Let’s go to my room,” I said abruptly, standing up. Alyssa was hot on my heels, clearly also wanting to get away. Dad said goodbye to us, but neither of us answered.

When we got to my room down the hall, I shut the door and opened the window. I climbed through it to sit on the roof, and Alyssa sat beside me. We stared out of the neighborhood and the setting sun for a while.

“Your dad’s a prick.”

“I know.” I sighed, laying down and crossing my arms and ankles. I felt like I could be honest with her, like she wouldn’t judge me for whatever I said. “Sometimes, I feel like punching him in the face.”

“You should definitely do that.” She responded, lying down with me.

If you looked past the slight brashness, Alyssa was sort of… Sweet.

“Have you ever eaten a pussy before?”

Sort of.

“A couple.” It was a lie, but she didn’t have to know that.

“I want you to eat mine.”

“Now?” I lifted my head and looked around the roof that we were lying on. “Here?”

“Tomorrow.” She rolled her eyes, but there seemed to be a hint of amusement on her face. “And not on your roof. I’ll be here at eleven.”

Alyssa got up and crawled back through the window. I would’ve walked her out, but I didn’t want to get up. Or see my dad again. 

But when I sat up again, she was down below on the pavement, walking away.

“Alyssa!” I called out. She turned around, squinting up to look at me. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Y/n.”

***

I was ready at ten. I needed time to prepare. I figured the best place to give Alyssa head would be my bedroom, but I had to be ready for anything. For all I knew, she’d lay herself down on the table where we had tea yesterday. She seemed like she’d do that, to get back at my dad or something.

When it turned eleven, I sat on the couch and waited. I quickly grew restless, and I didn’t know why. I took out my pocket knife, fiddling with it to pass the time. My dad had gotten it for me when I was about twelve. Said it was a good tool to have on you, that you’d never know when you’d need it. I didn’t exactly use it for intended purposes. Mainly carving up shit in the house when I was bored or pissed. Either my dad didn’t notice or just didn’t want to say anything about it.

When twelve came around, I started to think Alyssa might not be coming. That I did all that waiting for nothing.

But then, at half past one, someone started pounding on the door.

“Y/n!” It was Alyssa.

As I walked to the door, I put the knife back in my pocket. I wondered what had taken Alyssa so long. But when I opened the door, I didn’t even get a chance to ask. She walked past me into the house, tossing her jacket on the floor.

As she stomped off to the living room, she started to take off her shirt. I quickly shut the door and followed after her. I found Alyssa sitting on the couch, head leaning all the way back and eyes closed. She must’ve been deep in thought.

“Come here.” She said, sitting up properly. I did as told, looking at her from the corner of my eye as I sat next to her.

“Did you still wanna…” I trailed off, clearing my throat as I gestured between us. “You know.”

“I dunno.” Alyssa sighed. That made me a bit relieved because I don’t know if I was in the mood to eat pussy now. “Let’s get out of here.”

“What?”

“I’m serious.” I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Alyssa not be serious. “Let’s leave this shithole town. Now. You hate it, I hate it. Our parents are dickheads. You’ve got a car.”

“It’s my dad’s.” But all the other reasons were very convincing. 

“Who’s a dickhead.” That was fair. “Look, I’m going whether you come with me or not. Are you in?”

I didn’t have to think about my answer. I hated everything about this place. I hated my dad, hated school. I was even starting to hate how many windows our house had. 

And I think I liked Alyssa, or at the very least tolerated her.

“Sure.”

Alyssa put her top and jacket back on, and I grabbed my shoes. Dad would be coming back any minute with groceries, so all we had to do was wait for him to pull into the driveway.

I heard the car pull in, and Alyssa followed me out the door. My dad was walking towards us, a huge stupid grin on his face as he saw us. 

Before I could even give it a second thought, I swung my fist at him. I punched him in the cheek, and he was quickly on the floor. I snatched the keys that flew out of his hand off of the ground, and soon, Alyssa and I were speeding out of my driveway.

“Are you scared?” She asked, a big smile on her face. It didn’t look as stupid on her as it usually did on anyone else. 

“I dunno. Maybe a little. ” I answer. “But my hand hurts a little.” My knuckles were throbbing. I had never punched someone before. “Are you? Scared?”

“No.”

I didn’t know where we were going, or if we’d ever come back. But I punched my dad in the face and stole his car. That felt like a good place to start.

[pro-depresanti]

Request for Val x Vox x reader where reader is trying on vox or vals coat to give velvette a fashion lessons and play dress up ?

Sorry this took so long, college, holidays, more college, angsty long fics I need to finish, the whole nine

Anyway, I'll try my best to start working through the requests as quickly as possible

Tags: crack fic, body horror kinda? Not really, but, yk, Val's coat is his wings

Requests are open :)) (although I can't guarantee how soon I'll manage to get them done)

___

With Vox, grabbing his coat wouldn't be that difficult. Wait for him to update his system and be practically comatosed for a few hours, sneak in, take whatever you want. It might require a bit of planning, but it's not impossible. Take it, put it in a bag, leave as quickly as possible.

You make your way to Velvette's department, putting on the coat right at the door. No one pays you any mind when you walk in.

Velvette is hunched over a model, hastily pinning fabric on her. Most likely literally, you can see tiny blood stains on the sleeves. "Stop moving, damn it!"

"Having trouble?" You ask innocently as you approach her.

"How does it look like–" she glances at you, then does a double take. "What are you wearing?"

You strike a few quick poses. "Oh, this? It's nice, isn't it?"

"Obviously it's nice, I designed it," she scoffs. "Where did you get it from?" She adds more seriously, probably thinking someone dared to copy her design.

You sneaker. "Vox's room. He caught an update."

Velvette fully turns around to face you.

"I think I wear it better, no?" You twirl around, do a full spin, then walk up to the catwalk. You are no model, but you try your best to play the part, back straight and a confident expression.

Velvette laughs. It's a genuine humor, partly because you clearly don't know what you're doing and partly because the coat is ridiculously sized on you. "Well, hard to make anything look good on Vox."

"Right?" You chuckle. With that head of his any semblance of regular proportion is out the window. "I might just keep it."

___

Now, for Valentino, it will require more... equipment. Drugs strong enough to kill a horse, a sharp knife, something to wipe off the blood.

Valentino doesn't care much what he gets high on, and when you offer for him to try something nice, who's he to say no? He's passed out not even an hour later.

You poke him multiple times, move him around, nick his arm, just to be sure. And yep, he's as responsive as a corpse. You get to work – open the coat from the front, pull away his arms from the sleeves, turn him on his stomach and finally get to cutting. His wings are more resistant than they look, but you get it done.

Surprisingly, they keep their shape as a coat. You weren't even sure that would work. You clean up the blood a bit, then slip it on. The waist buckle is practically at your ankles. You tie up the two extra sleeves around your waist to give it more shape, even if you're practically drowning in fabric. The sleeves you're actually wearing need to be folded at scrunched up to your shoulders.

You look like a child playing dress up with your parents' clothes. As you make your way down the hallways, you get more stares than you can count. Luckily, no one steps on the few feet of fabric trailing behind, including you.

Velvette is once again losing her shit over the incompetency of her staff. She barely even acknowledges 'you', catching only a blob of red in her peripheral. "The Hell you want, Val–" she turns to look at you, mouth open, blinking rapidly.

You smile, then clear your throat, putting on the best accent you could manage, "what's the matter, muñeca?"

"Please tell me this is a very good replica."

You flick your wrist, the sleeve falling over your hand and then some. "Overlords don't wear replicas, amorcita."

"First of all, you don't gender 'amorcito'. Second of all, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!"

Well, it would probably be considered an amputation, but hey!, you're in Hell, people have done far worse. Plus, Val will regrow his wings in a week, tops. "I just wanted to try it on." You hug yourself, rubbing the fuzzy material. "I swear this thing is softer when you're wearing it."

Velvette is still flabbergasted.

"Calm down," you trail off. "He's passed out on some fentanyl concoction, he'll be fine. I used a regular knife, they'll grow back."

"I'm not worried about the pissbaby! You must have a dead wish."

You shrug. "Worth it." You pull out one of the cigarette holders Valentino always uses. If you're a smoker, you light up an actual cigarette, if not, you just use the holder as a prop. You take a drag, exhaling in content. Your best imitation of Valentino's accent is back in action. "Amorcito, you look stressed. Need someone to help you relax?"

Velvette snorts out a laugh. "You're so dead." She takes your arm and starts leading you to one of the small platforms she uses for photoshoots. "Better make use of it."

Now that's what you're talking about! But, not even 5 minutes later, you hear a loud commotion in the hallway and you know your time is up.

Valentino stumbles into the room, still high and visibly not in a condition to be this furious. Blood drips down from him as he walks. "Where the fuck is the little whore?!"

Damn, someone must have snitched on you. Idiots.

You nod at Velvette, making a mock salute. "It was a pleasure knowing you," you tell her, only half joking.