#and technically Jared - but i think we knew that was in talks?

[locke-esque-monster]

Excuse me, I need a way to register fandom as my religion. And I should to be able to take sick days for Events and celebrate the high holidays (Nov 5th, April 1st, Ides of March etc.)

Rather than go to work like I did today with the thousand mile stare of fandom overload from last night.

[come-on-darling-honey]

colourblind [paul lahote x reader]

AN:// this pushes all of the wolves and new moon plot to summer.

summary: based on this post of how the shift Paul and the others experience would give them physical attributes akin to a wolf, which is being colourblind. Which Paul finds himself in, until of course, he sees you for the first time in months on the first day of summer.

warnings- mature language and themes. one suggestive scene. 18+ word count 10k.

“La Push baby! Its LaPush!”

“Do you have to say that every time we go to LaPush?” I asked, staring at the back of Mike and Eric’s heads in the van. They were singing and screaming into the warm air as we drove down to First Beach.

“He said that to me when I first came to LaPush,” Bella added, meekly. I laughed, lightly pushing against her. She was wearing a white blouse and tan shorts, opposing my dark shorts and tight blue shirt, Angela had gotten me it when she went to the Grand Canyon with her family. It read “visit the Grand Canyon today!” on the back, so ugly I loved it.

“He’s been saying it since we were five and our parents would carpool us in the summer.” I whispered to Bella; we were both laughing at the terrifying attempt from Mike to sing ‘Wanna Be’ by Spice Girls. Butchering the lines didn’t matter to Mike, it was summer. First day of it. Bella was finally out of the pit she had found herself in.

I’d spent almost every Friday and Saturday night of the past seven months sleeping over at the Swan house, waiting for Bella to come through. At first it was scary, the screaming and the vacancy of her mind, but she’s better now. At least I hope she is, Charlie thinks so, but I’m worried she’s becoming dependent on our friend Jacob. Coming to First Beach did mean a far chance we could run into Jacob, but it also means she’s surrounded by other people, and as annoying as Mikes singing is, I can tell she’s enjoying it.

“Are you okay?” I heard Bella say, we’d parked, and the boys were getting their surfing gear on. I hadn’t even noticed; Bella was wide eyed like a little deer and grasping onto my shoulder. “Is it to do with Paul?”

“No,” I laughed uncomfortably shaking her off as I got out of the seat into the back, taking of my clothes to reveal my favourite bikini underneath. “Not even thinking about him.” Which was true, to an extent. I had been thinking about Paul Lahote all morning and all last night and the day before, and every day since three weeks ago but that wasn’t in this moment. So technically… not a lie!

She watched me in clear disbelief but didn’t push it. She knew some rumours about Paul from Jacob, not kind ones but as the days go on, I’m starting to believe them myself. Hall monitors on steroids. “What book are you bringing?” Bella asked, changing the subject.

“The Metamorphosis by Kafka, are you rereading Austen again?” I said, searching through my bag for suncream. The only way id gotten Bella to agree to coming today was to promise I’d stay by her side all day and we can just read on the beach. Which worked out well for me, I always hated getting changed after leaving the ocean, everything stuck to you; clothes, sand, everything. She nodded and sheepishly pulled Persuasion out of her bag. Bella grabbed the towels we were going to lay on as I surveyed the beach for the best spot, there were a lot more people than usual but it’s what I expected. The remote spot in the south corner seemed perfect. Setting down camp, I heard laughter and colliding footsteps coming towards us, Mike, Eric and now Tyler ran to our spot, and all jumped over one another to lay on the sand. Not a single cloud in the sky, not that the boys noticed, too busy apologising to Bella for covering her towel with sand. Laughing it off quietly she shook the towel and threw all the sand on the boys. She stopped laughing as she looked over my shoulder. Standing up I saw, Sam Uley talking with Jared, Paul and Embry? But Embry was huge and at least half a foot taller than when I last saw him. They began kicking a ball around until Paul suddenly turned in my direction. Swivelling quickly, I stared into the sea. Sitting down on my towel that I was apparently sharing with Jess, I looked over at Bella. Giving me a comforting smile, she nodded towards our books that sat in the bag at the foot of her towel.

A few hours had passed when Jacob and Quil had made their way over to us, Jess, Angela, and the boys had all decided to go on an impromptu adventure leaving Bella and I in peace, that is until Quil collapsed on my towel and Jacob calmly sat next to Bella.

“See how normal Jake is?” I asked kicking Quil with my foot, “Be more like Jake.” They all laughed as the fiend on my towel rolled over.

“Figured you needed protecting.” He said, puffing his chest put lightly with a boyish smile.

“From what?” Bella laughed.

“Lahote’s been staring at you for a while,” Jacob said staring at me. Turning around I saw Paul from a distance, I could barely make out his face but saw that he definitely wasn’t happy.

“Well thank you gentlemen, but we can handle ourselves.” I said, laughing when Quil got hit with a rouge baseball.

We spoke for a while, making jokes at each other’s expense and avoiding the subject of Embry completely. Bella and I had come to an unspoken agreement that if they wanted to talk about it, they would. I looked around the beach and saw a stall on the pavement beyond the pavilion, an old lady selling handmade jewellery. I told Bella, Jake, and Quil that I was going to see what she was selling and grabbed my purse from my bag. Making my way over across the hot sand I regretted not grabbing a shirt from Quil or Jake or even making a detour to the van, so many people were looking at me, even if they were wearing the same thing, I felt so exposed.

“Hello dear, having a good day?” The lady asked as I finally reached her stand. We spoke about the weather and then about her creations, one with a beautiful orange crystal in the middle had caught my eye. “Citrine, they bring positivity and happiness” she winked once she caught where I was looking. I grabbed my purse but before I could hand over the $5 someone else passed it to her. Following the tan hand, I saw Paul; he was looking at the lady and explained he’d buy it for me. She smiled and accepted the money, handing him the necklace over. Paul looked at the necklace in his hand and squinted, looking oddly heartbroken.

“I can buy it myself.” I said as he walked a few steps out of earshot of the old lady. He still hadn’t actually looked me in the eye yet. It was infuriating. “You know its super fucking rude of you to ignore me for weeks, replace me with new friends, act like I don’t exist and then pretend like nothings happened.” He tensed at this; I kept going. “And now you won’t even look me in the eye!” I laughed, his large shoulders straightened, God when did he get so big.

As he turned around something shifted, I’m not sure what but it was definitely something. He stared at me wide eyed, speechless and I saw tension fall from him. But I had no patience for him.

“Are you going to give me the necklace or should I just go and buy one for myself.” This seemed to snap him out of it, he passed me the necklace and kept looking at me. Not staring anymore, more of a gaze. Not voyeuristic as the other gazes from men on the beach but an intimate one, one I wanted to avoid. His eyes are a stunning brown, I think to my painting at home, I’d made him sit for hours, waiting for the result when I’d spent twenty minutes alone painting half an eye, he waited.

Tearing myself away from him I look down at the necklace, it was beautiful. I had to not owe him this. I took the $5 out of my purse and pressed it to his chest. He finally caught on and gently pushed my hand away.

“Take it.” I demanded.

“It’s a gift.” He whispered, the way he used to.

“Please take it.” I begged lightly; I couldn’t owe him for this.

“What is going on?” A harsh voice interrupted us. Quil had stood in front of my right shoulder, not hiding me completely but being a clear attempt to shield me. He didn’t know any of the details of what happened between Paul and I, but honestly, I didn’t either. He just knew how broken I was, crying to him when Bella, Jake, and Embry weren’t around. Knowing I couldn’t handle their silent looks.

“None of your fucking business, Ateara.” Paul snapped, his body tightening. Quil pushed him, suddenly Jared was holding Paul back and Sam had appeared in front of us. He had whispered something to Paul that I couldn’t catch but it looked more like a demand. One I wasn’t entirely sure was in Quil and I’s favour or not.

Jacob had arrived by this point, staring at Embry in disbelief who had told Quil to ‘back off’, Embry was normally so sweet and quiet. The way he was acting as he was influenced by the others was a clear sign to the mentality that I didn’t want anything to do with. Paul had caught my eye from over Sam’s shoulder, a pleading sense to him. I looked away, staring at Quil’s back. I couldn’t do this, get caught up in whatever teenage boy bullshit was going on. I was 18, Paul 19, Quil 17. I had no fucking interest. Ignoring the yells of my name I walked back to Bella who had watched the whole affair in bewilderment. I walked back to Bella in more confidence then when I had left, I couldn’t explain it, but I knew the people looking know, weren’t looking at me and if they were it, was a good thing. Sitting on the towel I thanked Bella for staying with the stuff and picked up my book. Not before placing the Citrine necklace in my bag. She watched me as I lied back down but I couldn’t care, knowing I’d have to tell her every detail later anyway. Jess practically ran to us, monopolising my towel once again and demanding to know what she had seen from across the beach.

“I mean not only was he completely eye-fucking you but who were all his friends?!” She practically screamed, I hit her shoulder lightly with my book for ‘eye-fucking’ as Bella blushed, but explained who the boys were.

“Oh, they’re coming over!” Jess said, elated with the drama unfolding right in front of her. My legs slid over Jess so she wouldn’t leave and who ever was coming wouldn’t stay, which thankfully she understood as she grabbed my legs lightly with a comforting rub.

“Can you believe the nerve of Embry?” I heard Jake yell as he was approaching us, Bella’s cheeks were as pink as Jess’ bikini. Jess’ jaw dropped as she ate up Quil and Jake’s physique, I watched her over my book, smirking as she stared at the long haired boys.

Quil called my name, and I looked up, with my head laid down I saw him as a giant, which made me laugh.

“What the fuck was he saying to you.” Quil demanded, staring at me.

“It’s over, don’t worry about it.” I said calmly.

“Don’t worry? He’s a fucked-up dude! Literally almost exploded on me, again!” he gave Jess context, that Paul had almost ‘attacked’ Quil in a convenience store a few weeks ago. She looked down at me in surprise. I still read my book.

“As hot as he is,” Jess said with Quil and Jake protesting as she ignored them, “no boy is worth it if he has anger like that.” She said with the older sister tone she normally used on her younger siblings. Quil and Jake agreed with her, but Bella stayed silent, I looked at her from the corner of my eye and saw her staring at the pavilion.

“Honestly, if you go back to him, I can’t be your fucking friend.” I caught Quil saying. I stood up so quick I dropped my book on the towel, loosing the page. Where did this come from? Bella, Jake and even Jess went quiet. Quil had snapped, he never snapped at me.

“First of all, that would be my decision, second, I wasn’t ‘with’ him in the first place and thirdly you don’t get to be so fucking rude to me.” I snapped, pointing a finger at his chest.

“He’s a bad fucking person and you know it.” His eyes stared into mine, harsh and true.

“You don’t know him how I know him.” I defended Paul, for some unknown reason. I didn’t even fully believe myself I was just so hurt with how Quil was acting everything was blurring out of anger.

“After everything he did, you’re defending him!” Quil yelled, desperation in his eyes, he was looking at me as if I was crazy, which I was beginning to feel.

“You don’t fucking care about me.” I yelled back. Storming away, grabbing only my bag and purse, leaving my book and towel. All but Quil yelled after me.

Opening the van, Mike was sat in the back struggling to get the sand of his feet. “Pass me my clothes.” I said, I couldn’t hear myself due to the anger raising and blurring everything, but I could tell I was being rude, Mike’s smile dropped into a worried expression as he gave me my clothes. I dressed in silence as he asked me if someone did something, like the protective older brother he always acted like. I shook my head, unable to fathom words that weren’t a string of swears. Did Quil really think that lowly of me? Did he think he could just give me an ultimatum like that, and I’d accept it? Fuck this and fuck him.

I told Mike I was going home and as he asked if I wanted a lift, I slammed the door of the van shut too hard and made my way to the back streets of first beach. I knew if I got to the centre of LaPush that I could find the bus stops I used to use when I’d hang out with Paul. Lead hit me over the head when I thought about him. I suddenly had an urge to sit by his side unlike the recent weeks where id sworn him off and cried and cried.

A truck pulled up beside me, old and worn I recognised it as Sam Uley’s. I looked over to see him sat in the driver’s seat looking at me.

“I’ll give you a ride.” He said, in a way I felt oddly comforted by as I got in. Normally, I would’ve told him to fuck off, but I felt way too emotional to walk the twenty minute walk to the centre of town. We sat in silence for ten minuets after I’d told him my address. I wanted to ask him about Paul, even about Emily and Leah but it didn’t feel right. This would be the fifth time I’d been near him let alone speak to him, so it just felt wrong. But he must’ve been thinking the same thing.

“It’s not Paul’s fault.”

“What?” I asked, looking at him. He was staring intensely into the road, it was weird, it felt like Sam was effortlessly the comforting older brother figure Mike had tried to be. Yet he seemed guilty like he’d made a mistake, not know but before.  

“I told him to stay away from you, it was my fault. He had no choice.” I decided to listen, to make sense of what he was saying. “There’s somethings you need to know, do you remember Emily?” I nodded, unable to speak in fear he’d stop speaking. “I’ll write her address down for you, visit any time and she’ll help you.” How cryptic could one person be.

“Why did Paul listen to you?” I questioned, staring at him. His dark brown hair was swooped back so he could see the road.

“He had no choice, you’ll understand.”

“I don’t understand anything.” He laughed.

“You will.” He pulled over and stopped driving, we’d reached my house. He pulled a notebook from the glove compartment. “Here’s her address and my number if you need a ride.”

“I can get Bella to drive me.”

“No, Bella can’t know about this, it doesn’t involve her. I’m sorry but you must trust me.”

“I tell Bella everything.” I said, taking the sheet of paper from him.

“But does she tell you everything?” he asked, his tone wasn’t accusatory like Quil’s had been, no, Sam asked me like he was genuinely worried about me. He was right, I knew Bella wasn’t telling me something. I couldn’t ask, hoping she’d finally tell me.

“I guess this means don’t tell Jake or… Quil.” He nodded, I got out of the truck, thanking him for the ride.

“You hike a lot, right?” It was my turn to nod. “Take a break for a while, with all those attacks it really isn’t safe.” I agreed, sadly, and went inside, after thanking him again for the ride. “Ever need a lift, just let me know, I’ll sort one out for you.”

I was glad it was summer break. All my free time had been spent on art: painting, sketching, and avoiding literally everything else. I’d been missing all of Bella’s calls and thankfully when she came over to my house I was working. Sam had been giving me lifts to work since I normally did a small hike there. I worked on the other side of Forks at a plant shop and nowhere near Bella. Whatever she was hiding from me had been eating away at me for a while. Summer break had also given me an escape from running into Jess, I loved her, but I had literally no answers for her. And the theories I had were so bat-shit crazy I had feeling no one would believe them.

Quil had called seventeen times. I couldn’t call him back, still angry at the way he spoke to me. Maybe he was right about Paul, but a small voice in the back of my head I’d nicknamed ‘stupid consciousness’ told me I should give Paul a fair chance and listen to Sam. Maybe it was some crazy mastermind ploy to pull down my defences, but id started to befriend Sam, and Emily as she’d joined him a few times to take me to work. I couldn’t figure out why they’d decided to help me out suddenly, but I decided to just go with it, I felt safer, loved and they never brought up Paul.

8:30am on a Tuesday morning I sat in the garden waiting for Sam. My headphones blasting Noah Kahan’s new album. It was chiller then it would be for this time of year, so a loose fleece hung around my body. We had another month of beautiful sun until the constant hood of clouds and rain returned to Forks. I had started worrying this morning that Sam driving me to and from work was an inconvenience, I hadn’t been insecure about this before, but it was daunting on me now. What if I was just pushing him out of his way and annoying him? Annoying Emily? I felt suddenly sick. But the truck in front of me pulled me out of the haze. Sam’s brotherly grin made me smile, my older brother was away at college, and I missed him. He opened my door form his side and I got in, the fear of inconvenience looming over me. Taking off my headphones I heard the soft folk music playing form the old truck. It was a twenty-minute drive to my work; we made nice conversation till Sam said something that struck me.

“Come to Ems tonight, I’ll finally explain it to you.” Weeks had passed since Sam initially asked me, it was clear I didn’t want to ask, so he’d decided to tell me. I nodded, silently looking out the window. Five minutes till we got there.

“Will he be there?”

“Yes.” He was short, sweet, and blunt. I knew I couldn’t hide from this, so I decided to ask what had been looming over me all morning.

“Why do you drive me? You work on the res; this is completely out of your way.” I still held my gaze out of the window. But I heard him grin as he told me.

“Well, I like your company, I always wanted a baby sister,” I scoffed at ‘baby’ which he caught and laughed, “plus it really is not safe if you walk to work, you walk through the bush, it isn’t safe.” His tone was serious at the end. I knew he was telling the truth. When we arrived, he looked over at me, smiling he passed me a brown bag. Holding back a laugh he told me “Em’s worried you aren’t eating enough”.

“She does know I’m an adult right?” I laughed, taking the bag.

“Well do you have any lunch today?” the silence from me made him laugh as I clearly did not, infact, have lunch. I threw a piece of card from the car door at him as I mumbled in protest.

“Pick me up at four?” I asked, putting the brown bag in my own. He nodded, as he drove away, I realised how long today was going to be.

I was right. So annoyingly, right. The day dragged, it felt that five hours had passed when in fact it was only two and I couldn’t even go for my lunch yet. If one more old lady asked me to point her in the direction of the roses, I was going to lose my mind. Not only was it weird that roses were extremely popular among old ladies but that they couldn’t see that the roses were at the front of the store, they were the first things you saw as you walked in.

At 1:25pm I heard a familiar gruff voice echo in the small shop. Charlie Swan. I was praying he was talking to a friend, or that there had been a horrible crime and the shop was under investigation. But as I heard a small, feminine voice I knew I wouldn’t have such luck. Of course, when I was working Chief Swan would decide to finally re-do his front garden. My lunch break was in five minutes if I could just hide here then my 60-year-old co-worker Henry would serve them. Henry was a true one, he’d help me in my hour of need. I hid behind the seeds, staring at Iris in its many forms as I heard Bella ask Henry if I was working too, I wasn’t sure if Henry and I had some super cool intuition or if he had genuinely forgotten I was working as he told her I wasn’t today. As I snuck away for my lunch break, I internally praised Henry for being the best co-worker that has ever lived.

Checking my phone, I noticed a missed call from Sam and a text.

“Can’t pick you up, Em is going to, she’ll be using her truck- its blue same make as Bella’s. Will be there when you arrive. Sorry.”

As weird as that was, I was just thankful I had a ride, I didn’t trust Henry behind the wheel.

The afternoon had passed quicker than the morning, the lunch Emily had made me was embarrassingly good and oddly comforting. As I finished my shift I gave Henry a fist bump, he laughed the way old people do, as a reflex showing that they’ve been laughing all their life. Emily’s blue truck pulled up; it had a better paint job then Sam’s but I had a feeling Sam worked on her truck more than his own.

“How was your day?” Em gleamed as I got into the car.

“Dull but the lunch was amazing, thank you.” I laughed as she grinned like a fool.

“I knew you’d like it! Paul told me you were vegetarian, and I’ve been dying to pull out those veggie cookbooks! The boys always avoid vegetables, it’s ridiculous!” she laughed as I wound the window down, warm air sifting through. My fleece cocooned in my bag form this morning, abandoned in the heat. I smiled, feeling warm at the casual mentioning of Paul. I’d assumed Sam’s business was something to do with work and that it wasn’t my business but at Em’s odd avoidance of it, something felt different.

I’d told her about Henry and Bella, talking more about Henry then Bella, Em laughed so hard she coughed. Pulling up to her house, I was shocked. It was beautiful. When we got out, I stared at the cabin, two stories and covered in flowers and plants. Wooden furniture, big windows, and open doors. It was beautiful. Em pulled me in, it was even more perfect inside. Bright colours and paintings everywhere. Sitting at a round, wooden table Em beckoned me to join her.

“Your home is… wow just amazing,” I was still looking at everything, the open kitchen and dining room was so homely and comforting. She smiled and grabbed my hand.

Emily was one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen. The scar on her face to her arm didn’t change that. She was even more beautiful; she wore it proudly. When she smiled part of the scar creased at her eye. Her long black hair hung over her shoulders, bangs perfectly trimmed. My hair was almost as long as hers, but she had a few inches on me.

“How are you feeling?” her caring tone standing through.

“Nervous, I have no idea what is about to happen.”

She nodded, squeezing my hand. “I’ll be here the whole time, if you don’t want to be here at any moment just say and we’ll go, no questions asked.” She must’ve noticed the apprehension in my face. “Nothings going to hurt you, Sam and Paul have made sure of that.” I trusted her, more than I trusted the people I grew up with. I knew for certain there was something going on, that involved Paul and Sam, probably Jared and Embry too. Whatever it was I hoped it didn’t involve Quil and Jake too.

Voices came through the door behind us that led out to Emily’s extensive garden. Sam and Paul came in. Both shirtless and only wearing shorts. Which was weird but I guess they felt the heat more than Emily and I, Emily was wearing a stunning white sundress and I white pants and black shirt, my apron from work stuffed in my bag along side the fleece.

Paul looked at me, he looked horrible, dark bags under his eyes, and it looked as if he had to hold himself back from me. Not in a threatening way, not the relief in his eyes told me this was good, that I was safe. Sam rubbed my shoulder as he passed me to get to Emily. As they hugged and kissed, I saw Paul still watching me, turning back to him I saw the weight in his eyes.

“Are you joining us?” I asked him, an olive branch being thrown in his direction.

He took a moment to process what I asked then silently nodded and sat a chair away from me, which did hurt. But I ignored it and looked to Sam and Emily who had both sat back down. Emily’s hand was once again in mine, Paul looked with an odd… jealousy? Till his eyes trailed up my arm to my neck, where the necklace laid. I’d worn it every day since the beach that I didn’t even think about it anymore.

“So,” Sam started, “there are some things we have to tell you, but I think it’ll be easier if we show you then explain.” Emily’s head snapped to him as Pauls hung in shame. He smiled at her reassuringly and guided us all to the garden where Jared and Embry were talking. They both greeted me with a relaxed voice I was deeply confused as to what was going to happen.

Sam and Paul stood slightly in front of me, Emily’s grip tightened as she held onto my arm. Without warning Jared had… disappeared? And there was a wolf in his place. I looked in frozen shock to Embry who was grinning ear to ear and then his body contorted itself into another oversized wolf. Both started chasing each other and I couldn’t find it in myself to be scared. Instead, I found it hilarious, two boys had just turned into great big wolves, and I was worried about my friend not liking me anymore! All my problems felt so small as I watched them both. Emily pinched me, whipping my head to her in pain I asked her what’s wrong.

“What is wrong? What is wrong! They just shifted into wolves and you’re acting like it’s the most normal thing in the world!” She yelled, trying to grasp anything from me.

“Let’s go inside.” Sam said, leaving Embry and Jared to playfight in the garden. Emily dragged me in, I couldn’t stop watching them. Enamoured by how small it made my problems feel. Everything had been feeling so all-consuming as I experienced every little emotion, it was awesome to feel so insignificant.

“How familiar are you with the tribe’s history?” Sam asked, trying to read me as we sat back in Emily’s kitchen. I finally turned away from the wolves in the garden to face him.

It all hit me, everything Paul had told me growing up and Quil had been telling me before the beach. About the vampires, about the three bloodlines that became protectors. Quil was in that bloodline. So was Jake. Fuck.

“I know a fair bit.” I said. The next ten minutes were spent by Sam monologuing everything they knew so far but I could tell he was leaving something out. Something I knew that I knew. Paul or Quil must have mentioned it. After he had finished, I sat processing, knowing there was something else. The leaches. Was it just the one Sam had mentioned. Oh god. I dropped the glass of water I was holding, Paul caught it.

“The Cullen’s.” I breathed, looking at Sam and Paul in horror.

“You caught that quicker than I thought you would,” Sam laughed, “the treaty doesn’t allow us to tell people what they are.”

“I sat next to them in classes… Bella dated one!” silence. “She knew?” I was bewildered. She knew that Edward Cullen was an ancient old man murderer and dated him? What is wrong with her. I can’t judge her completely, as gross and weirdly necrophiliac as that is, I didn’t know her story. I’m glad Sam warned me that she wasn’t telling me everything.

“Does she know about you guys?” Sam shook his head.

“Only the people in this room, Jared and Embry and the tribe’s elders know. Its safer that way.” I nodded. Embry was 17. He must’ve been so scared.

Suddenly it hit me how cruel I’ve been to Paul; Sam had explained the gag order he’d put on Paul. Thinking about him, I knew there was something else, but I couldn’t help but just feel horrible for how I acted. The way I spoke about him to Quil, not meaning a single word but loving how good it made me feel. Without looking at him I let go of Emily’s hand and held his. He squeezed in and I could practically feel the smile radiating of him. I knew I shouldn’t feel too bad for how I acted; I didn’t know. But I wish I did. Sam explained lightly how his transformation was, how painful and terrified he was. I didn’t want to imagine a similar story leaving Paul’s mouth.

“I’m thankful you told me but why exactly are you telling me?” I asked, Paul stiffened, my thumb absent and idly ran circles around the back of hand as I stared at Sam. He shifted uneasily under my gaze. Which felt wrong, Sam was never uncomfortable. What was he avoiding? What am I forgetting?

A ring ran through the silent kitchen, and I dropped Paul’s hand to look at my phone. Jakes name read across the screen, which was weird. Jake never called me. He texted me when he was picking me up to come hang out and that was it. It’d been radio silence on both ends since I had that argument with Quil.

“Erm, I’m gonna get this.” I went outside to Emily’s front porch rather than the open garden.

“Jake?” I asked to the empty phone line.

“Hello?” He panted; his breaths disjointed.

“Jake what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, something-” he was cut of by a pained groan. “Somethings wrong.” He sounded like a child, one who couldn’t understand the pain of a broken arm or where a relative had gone and why they wouldn’t come back.

“Jake? Is Quil there?”

“No, I just got back from the movies with Bella.” He screamed again. Then began pleading with me. I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly two wolves ran past me into the Woodline, I turned back to see Sam telling Paul and Emily something as he shifted into the clearly biggest wolf.

“Listen to me okay. Deep breaths Jake, help is coming. You just gotta keep calm. Please, okay?” I asked, figuring out what was going on. Jake was shifting. I was panicking and felt like crying at his screams of pain.

“How are you feeling?” a pained yell was all I got in reply, Emily came to the porch behind me and put a hand to my back, ‘keep going’ she mouthed.

“Focus on- Bella! Think of her okay. Bella she’s going to be an anchor for you. Think about her okay. What shirt was she wearing today?” I asked keeping my voice as calm and steady as I could.

“She was wearing-” another scream through gritted teeth.

“Focus.”

“a green jacket, and a white blouse.” I heard crashing through the call, Sam’s voice, more screaming. I hung up the phone. This was too much. Too soon. Emily’s hand ran up and down my back, I was breathing heavily. I only found out about this an hour ago, how was this happening to Jake? Bella had once called him “earthbound sun” and now all I was hearing was his screams of pain playing on repeat.

“Everything will be okay.” She whispered, taking me upstairs into a bedroom. The walls were wooden, and the large bed was plush, and it smelt of lavender when I sat on it. Emily leant in front of me, both my hands in hers as we breathed together, she must’ve gone threw this a few times now. I couldn’t even pinpoint why I was so worried. The idea of Jake or any of them making a mistake and Paul getting hurt was eating me up. As my eyes fell into Emily’s and my breathing matched hers, I remembered the last bit of the story Paul told me years ago.

We were 15, sat cross legged on his lawn. I was making daisy chains as he told the legends to me. He blushed as he mentioned imprinting. The two souls who were destined to meet brought together by fate. How the shifter devotes themselves to their imprint even at the cost of themselves. At the time we both couldn’t comprehend the power of it, we thought it was ludicrous. And it was, a complete lack of agency. But in a selfish way, it was fantastical. My breathing was normal, and Emily sat next to me.

“Did Paul… did he imprint on me?” I asked quietly, scared if I said it any louder id be ridiculed. Emily didn’t say anything, she just squeezed my hands gently.

“Why don’t you stay here tonight? I have some spare pyjamas; I can wash your uniform for tomorrow.” She asked, eyes searching my own. Nodding I waited as she left the room. She told me to start getting changed as she left, stripping down to my underwear I became oddly aware of how insane this was, but I trusted Emily. And I knew now, I was safe. She came in holding a brown tank top and white shorts, they were so soft as I put them on. I was still dazed as the panic left my system; every movement was a cloud in my mind.

“Would you like to join me?” she asked, as I lifted my head up in confusion she continued “I’m going to watch a film, we can watch it together, if you’d like.”

“I’d like that.” I replied, Emily put my clothes in the wash with some of her own and we got comfy on the sofa, I’d learnt the room with the lavender smelling bed was a guest room, and I was welcome to stay over whenever. Emily’s room was just down the hall. Her Gran had left her this house and she spent two years renovating it. She always made sure anyone was welcome here. I texted my parents to let them know I wouldn’t be home tonight, they told me to stay safe and call them if something is wrong. I was an adult, and I knew they liked knowing I was okay.

“Paul stays over most nights,” she said, braiding my hair, “but he sleeps on the couch. I can’t get him to take a room.” I was laying half on her chest half on her the sofa. I felt like a child. It was the most comforting experience of my life. We watched 2005 Pride and Prejudice. Laughing and swooning the whole time. We cried at the love in the film, the hand moments making us kick our feet, giggling. It was relaxing, to be with a friend. One that wasn’t hiding anything. I guess I would be the friend that was hiding something now to all my friends, to Jess, Bella, and Angela. But I couldn’t dwell on that. I told Emily about how I was feeling with Bella, and she told me about Leah, my stomach dropped when she told me Sam gave her that scar.

“I couldn’t be angry at him, what happened to him, to all the boys, it takes away their agency in emotional moments. I forgive him.” She told me, watching the film. Like this was second nature. Merely an afterthought. I knew I was safe here but was that just hysterics? Was I in danger and too naive to notice? No. Sam and Paul care for me. But Sam loves Emily? No. I reassure myself as I fall into a drowsy slumber as Emily ran her fingers through my hair. Sam can control it, so can Paul and Jared and Embry and Jake will be able to.

Warm arms lifted me, I felt the soft plush of the bed beneath me. I wanted to grab onto to the body holding me, my eyes wouldn’t open but I tried. A light chuckle sifted through the air as I finally let go.

A pink sunrise fell over me. I was drenched in the colours. Walking through the house I saw Paul, asleep on the sofa. The pink and purple began to fall onto him, he shifted awake as I made my way to the kitchen.

“Did I wake you?” I froze, looking at him through sleep festered eyes. He shook his head, smiling. We made coffee and cereal in silence, I the coffee and Paul the cereal. As we ate, I asked about Jake.

“He’s better now, the first shift is always the worst. What you did on the phone really helped.”

“All I did was keep him talking till you guys got there,” I said, finishing my cereal.

“He mentioned you called Bella an anchor, that helps more than you know.” He was looking at me intently. Suddenly I remembered my conversation with Emily last night.

“Paul…” Emily and Sam walked in, laughing with each other. I didn’t want to ask Paul with others around. He seemed brighter though, maybe he’d finally had a full night of sleep. Sleep, id fallen asleep with Emily on the couch and woken up in bed. Looking back at Paul, he was already watching me, waiting. “Did you take me to bed last night? You could’ve just woken me.” I laughed, trying to play off my feelings.

Sam laughed, sitting down with a coffee, “You were both sound asleep when we got back, no use waking you.” Emily looked at me, asking if id said anything, lightly shaking my head I pulled myself away from the conversation as they updated Emily on Jacob. From the window I saw the orange sun dance across the green summer leaves, sway through the crisp morning grass. The sun had risen by now, but the early morning was still prevalent in its colourful glory.

Sam called my name, pulling me out of my thoughts. “When do you start work?”

“9am,” I lied. Well, it wasn’t an actual lie, but I had decided I wasn’t going to go to work today, Henry had been telling me I need to take advantage of the paid sick days we get, so today I will. I need to process what the hell just happened. Alone. As much as I want to be here, I don’t know how much more I can handle. Sam had told us he hadn’t expected Jake to shift so soon and Quil’s grandfather has noticed he has a fever. It’s happening too fast and is still don’t really know why I am involved. Expect I do, which makes it so much worse. I would get dropped of at work, and then catch a bus to First Beach, which yes was counter intuitive, but it felt wrong to tell the people who immediately accepted me I didn’t want to be around them right now. I’d tell them id get a ride home from Henry and just walk back home. No, I shouldn’t walk. I promised Sam I wouldn’t walk. I’ll get the bus home or ask Bella as awkward as it might be.

Paul eyed me, brow furrowing. Sam and Emily didn’t notice but I couldn’t help feeling like Paul could read my mind. It feels weird being known so well. I sat with them for an hour or so before going to get a shower and then get dressed, Emily had layed my clothes on my bed while I was in the shower, and I suddenly felt insanely sick at the thought of lying to her.

Wandering back into the kitchen I saw Paul wearing worker pants that were just wow. I looked away before he caught my gaze. My heart beating in my throat.

“Where are you working?” I asked, he was looking for a job before all of this.

“Sam’s construction, he let Jared and I join after we shifted, he runs the business you know?” he said looking at my clothes. Wide legged white pants and black shirt, I was holding my apron, the ugly thing.

“Actually, Sam’s gone in early, so can I drive you to work?”

I nod, grabbing my bag and kissing Emily’s cheek goodbye as she started working on a wooden chair. Emily sold wooden furniture, I made sure to make note of that since my parents were looking at getting a new kitchen done. As we left, I noticed Sam had taken Emily’s truck and left his own for Paul. Fuckers had planned this.

“you’re a horrible liar, you know.” Paul said as we drove away from Emily’s. Is he psychic? “Sam told me you normally finish early on Wednesday’s, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too. I finish at 12, i'll pick you up and explain everything.” I decided to play dumb.

“I thought you explained everything?” his laugh echoed in the car.

“We both know you’re too smart to think that.” The conversation ended, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Not the same feeling as when Sam drove me, this was new.

“You can meet Henry when you pick me up.” I added, laughing at the thought.

“Who?” Paul said, the familiar jealousy peaking in his voice.

“Oh, he’s a real catch, total ladies’ man. I have a conspiracy that we’re psychically linked.” I said nonchalantly, absolutely doing it on purpose.

“That’s cool.” He said, sharply. These three hours were gonna go smoothly.

And they did. I was so excited for Paul to come pick me up I was practically jumping the whole three-hour shift. Henry had been side eyeing me all day, possibly worried I was on drugs or something.

“So, Paul’s going to pick me up and I’d like for you to meet him.” I told Henry as we stocked the shelves, or as I stocked them, and he micromanaged me.

“Eh okay.” He grumbled, I smiled, excited.

As 12 came I was practically glued to the window. Seeing Sam’s truck pull up my chest had a weight lifted off that I didn’t know was there. Pauls stocky figure walked up to the front door, and I beckoned him over to where I stood.

“Where’s this Henry then?” he asked, trying to seem calm.

“This way!” he must’ve been taken back by my excitement as he gasped slightly as I dragged him to the back of the store. “Henry! This is Paul.”

I watched as Pauls deflated face turned quickly into annoyance and relief as he saw Henry, who looked him up and down, grumbled and asked him if he could pick up some boxes for him. Paul agreed, but it didn’t feel like he had much choice in the matter. After ten minutes of Paul moving boxes around for Henry, I finally got him away, saying goodbye we left the store.

“You minx.” He laughed, opening my door for me.

Laughing I asked him what he was talking about.

“All morning. All morning! I spent worrying some hot bachelor called Henry had stolen your heart! Jared was getting annoyed at how pissy I was acting!” he whined, driving to LaPush.

We made it to first beach without Paul ripping my head off from annoyance. I tried not to dwell too hard on his blatant admission to his jealousy. But it made my head spin.

But he went silent as we walked to the rocks on the southside of the beach. Whatever he was about to tell me was very serious, and I was ready to hear. As we sat down, he looked at the necklace I was wearing, the citrine he bought me.

“You know when I bought you that necklace, I had no idea how beautiful it was.” He said, slowly looking up into my eyes.

“What do you mean? The lady handed it to you, I saw you look down at it.” I asked, searching his eyes for whatever he was trying to tell me.

“What do you remember about imprinting?” he asked, his hand lightly holding onto mine, the other splayed against the rocks. He took me off guard which must be visible on my face as he laughed at my expression.

“I remember you telling me about the imprint who saved the tribe from the vampires by sacrificing herself.” It was a harrowing tale, one that even as children Paul and I treaded on lightly.

“Uh huh, anything else?” he probed.

“I know how the elders described the imprint to feel.” At his silence I continued “that the universe centres around them,” I was whispering to him now, “that it is a love of the souls, bonded and combined.” He nodded.

“Anything else?”

“Paul why are you asking me this?” dread filled me, what if he had imprinted on someone else, I would respect it and understand but telling me like this had to be some form of torture. Deep down I knew that wasn’t the case.

“I imprinted on you.” My head whirled. Everything else became singular as I looked at Paul Lahote who became a multitude. “I was scared I’d imprint on someone else, and it’d be me loosing my agency in life you know,” I did, it was what I was worried about. “But I imprinted on you, at the beach. And I’ve always been in love with you. When we were kids and you would always climb the highest tree, never scared if you fell. When we’d braid each other’s hair. It’s always been you, even the fates agree.” The wind was knocked out of his lungs as I practically jumped onto him. My arms around his neck, his around my waist.

I pulled away. Remembering how this conversation started. “What did you mean, when you said you didn’t know how beautiful the necklace was?”

“That’s the other thing, turns out when we shift for the first time, we go colourblind.”

“What?”

“Wolves, they are naturally colourblind, Sam thinks that’s why we lose it, Jared and I used to think it was just another way the fates could steal life from us.” I listened intently. “That was until Sam imprinted on Emily. He said it was the most overwhelming experience of his life, not only because of the horrible family drama but because it was the first time in months, he had seen colour. We realised then that the only way we could see truly again was when we imprinted. You have to understand how terrifying it was after we’d first shifted, I thought I was dying” He took a deep, steadying breath. “After I first shifted you sent me a picture, do you remember?”

“Not really.” I admitted.

“It was of that cloud with the colours on it.” I nodded, remembering. It was a pileus cloud I’d seen in my back garden; he pulled out his phone. Scrolling sheepishly past the texts from him asking to talk to me and then texts from me, begging for an answer. He landed on a picture I sent, on the pileus cloud, they have colours sitting on them, rainbows laying on the soft clouds of the sky. Had I been taking my sight for granted? Spending my whole life gazing while he had it stolen from him?

“I cried for hours when you sent me this, I couldn’t see it, Sam had told me to cut off all contact with you and all I needed was you to- I don’t know- explain the colours to me since I couldn’t see them.” He breathed heavily; I could see the anger weighing on his shoulders once more. I didn’t interrupt him, just placed a hand on his thigh as an attempt to soothe. He smiled gently at this, still looking at the cloud. “It was two days after I’d shifted for the first time, and I was always so overwhelmed. I kept snapping and shifting in a fit of rage.”

As he waited for a response from me, I finally formed a semi-coherent sentence.

“I would’ve done the same. I can’t imagine how it- losing that- I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s those bloodsuckers.” He laughed. Smiling at me. We spoke for what felt like hours, it probably was but I didn’t mind. “I’m sorry to unload all of this onto you. I didn’t want to drag you into it, but you have to realise you call the shots, all you.”

“Is this why Sam didn’t pick me up yesterday?” I asked, remembering the hasty text Sam had sent me yesterday afternoon.

“Yeah,” he blushed, “I got angry at him, and he spent the whole day trying to convince me.”

“Couldn’t he just demand it?” the authority Sam had over the boys couldn’t be questioned, but it was a natural thing to him I felt it too.

“Yeah, but I know that he wanted me to make the choice, you’re my imprint after all.” He smiled, putting a hair behind my ear.

The sun had begun to set when Paul and I stopped talking, we’d spoke for hours. Catching up on each other’s lives, I told him about my fight with Quil and how I was feeling about Bella, and he listened. He told me about his dad, who’d decided to go work down south for a few months, leaving Paul the house to himself. That even though he gets the entire one-story building to himself he prefers to stay at Emily’s, he’d always hated being alone. He watched the sun set and I watched him. How it reflected on his clear skin, how his short hair was growing back. He’d explained that they’d all cut their hair after their first shift as to now only be practical but because they were grieving, grieving themselves. Paul was growing his hair again, determined to have a piece of himself back again, the hair length only mattered on the first few shifts. No one was sure why.

Going back to Sam’s truck I hold onto Paul’s hand, pulling him to a stop halfway across the beach. Getting closer to him I felt the warmth radiate from him, he couldn’t help but become the sun. The confused look on his face amused me, as I pulled him in and kissed him. His hand let go of mine as he wove his arms around my waist. My hands going to his back and his hair. He didn’t drive back to Emily’s. We spent the night in his house, the blue walls of his bedroom were known better than my own. Making out on his bed I sat on his lap, pulling his shirt of and then my own he grinned up at me.

“You’re so beautiful.” I didn’t say anything as I unhooked my bra, his jaw dropped slightly, and I blushed. He pulled his own jeans off and then switched our positions, so I was on my back as he took my white trousers of, discarding them somewhere in the room. I felt his lips on mine again which stopped me from staring at his well-defined chest, my hands felt him completely. I reached into his boxers as he whined slightly into my mouth at my slow and teasing actions.

“Don’t play with me.” He whispered into my ears as he ripped his boxers off, slowly taking my underwear off. As I felt him align himself, I looked into his eyes, seeing nothing but love.

Three weeks had passed since I found out about Paul’s imprint. Summer had begun to spread itself thinly and form into fall. I’d spoken to Quil, but he could tell I was hiding something. Especially since Jake had abandoned him without word and so did I. I knew he wanted to be apart of whatever was going on, but we all hoped he would never have to know, never feel the pain they all went through.

I spent most nights at Emily’s and some at Pauls but few and few at home. I wasn’t sure why my parents trusted my choices so much, but I figured they trusted Paul and I’d been a well-behaved teen. They did, however, begin to question why Bella Swan was constantly coming over asking for me. I couldn’t tell her. I still wasn’t over her not telling me anything. But Jake had ghosted her, just after I did. After the Cullen did. She had other friends, but it felt like a really shitty thing to do, I knew if I saw her, I’d just tell her everything. Even if she wouldn’t do the same for me.

I was at Emily’s when Embry, Jared, and Bella Swan herself came into the kitchen. She looked at me in shock and I gestured to the seat beside me, she shook her head. As Emily and I were informed on how Bella found herself in this predicament I laughed at the thought of Jake and Paul fighting, it didn’t surprise me. But I was shocked at Bella slapping him, she defended herself explaining she was angry and didn’t know we’d made up at this point. She didn’t know much. Jared told her that the pack was faster and better than the leaches, Bella seemed to feel more comfortable.

Sam, Jake, and Paul came into the house, Bella seemed to stow herself away in the corner. Her face went bright red after Paul apologised to her and kissed me, Sam complimented how well she took seeing two men turn into wolves in front of her and she laughed it off.

“How are you feeling?” Paul asked as I climbed into bed beside him.

“Tired, Bella gave me a hard time about me ignoring her, she’s right I guess.” Facing him in bed I tried to savour how the moon bounced off him. How he seemed to glow in the blue moonlight. He disagreed, but I knew Paul was biased he’d never really trusted Bella.

“What about Quil have you made up your mind on what you’re going to do?” He asked, kissing my nose as he pulled me to his chest.

“I’m going to go to his house tomorrow. I can’t tell him anything, but I need him to know I’m still his friend and I still love him. He’s one of my closest friends, his love is tough but its true you know?”

“I know.”

“How are you feeling?”

“everything’s getting calmer, but the red leech is still circling, these hikers need to learn to stay on the trail for their own sake.” He laughed; it wasn’t a happy laugh but an exhausted one. “Plus, Quil really might shift soon, I’m not sure how I feel about you going to see him in person.”

“I’ll be okay.”

“Doesn’t make me worry any less.” He was holding me so close, our legs intertwined.

“He knows me better than anyone, which is scary but I won’t talk to him about the fight it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I can’t not have him in my life, it feels so good to be known so well. And not in the way you know me,” I clarified, “he knows me in a way that is tried and true, its not as intimate as how you know me, Quil challenges me, I challenge him. I can’t stand ignoring him.”

Paul nodded, he understood. He just hoped he didn’t shift in front of me.

“I love you.” He whispered into my hair.

“I love you more.” I whispered back, falling into a perfect sleep.

“Are you happy being with Paul?” Quil asked, grey hoodie swamping his tall figure.

“Yes.” I replied, arms crossed over my chest.

“I’m not surprised.” He sighed. Then, crossing the front room he looked out of his front window. “You really hurt me, you know.”

“I know.”

“And you can’t even tell me why!”

“I’m sorry.”

“You, Embry and Jake can’t tell me a single thing!” he yelled, still not looking at me. I had prepared for this, for him to hate me. I just didn’t expect it to feel so horrible.

“I’m sorry, Quil, I really am.” He looked at me, eyes desperate.

“I’ve missed you.” He whispered. Tears in my eyes I ran to him, colliding with his chest we both cried on each other. “Remember we’re not keeping score, no arguments-”

“No winners.” I finished; we didn’t keep score.

As he pulled away, we both wiped at the tears streaming down our faces.

“Lahote? Really?” he laughed; I punched him in the arm. “Ow! Okay, okay.”

For now, everything was okay. I could handle okay.

pauls pinterest board

an:// i hoped you all loved reading this as much as i loved writing it! you can see why its taken me so long to actually write this :') Tumblr always gets rid of my paragraph spacing it kills me:( the word doc for this fic is 19 pages long! this is the longest fic i've written, im very proud of it!! requests are open, take care of yourself. i love you- em x

@ribbons-in-your-hair @notperfect-justme @thebestrouge [you guys asked me to tag you if i wrote anything about this headcannon! i hope you enjoy it!]

[scarlettoceaneyes]

Hey love! Could I please request a Paul x reader where she’s been wanting to get a tattoo but Paul keeps telling her no because he doesn’t want her to ruin her beautiful skin🤫

Ouu this should be good! I know nothing about tattoos, but it's only fair Paul lets his imprint be herself, even if sometimes it makes him uncomfortable.

Thanks for the request! Y’all make me feel special. 

Double Standards- Paul x Reader

“What about a butterfly? I bet Paul would find a classic tattoo okay. Maybe his face?” Kim was joking about that last part. Y/N wanted a tattoo, but for some reason, Paul was against it. He usually loved how you wanted to be included in his interests and hobbies. His tattoo was a tribal one, and since you were not technically part of the tribe or a wolf you couldn’t have that one. 

“Oh, what about his name or Paul’s Girl?” Emily suggested. “Yeah if she wants to look ridiculous. Wait, what are we talking about?” Jared interrupted the imprints going through a book of sample tattoos that you borrowed from the local shop in Forks. Having a place to get professional tattoos close was a plus. It meant you could sneak in and out if you had to, plus once it is on Paul can’t do anything about it….better to ask for forgiveness than permission right?

“Paul SO isn’t going to go for this Y/N.” Sam of course had to put in his opinion. Both Jared and Sam received looks of disapproval from their imprints. “She can get one if she wants, right Kim?” Emily countered Sam’s statement and continued, “I mean if I wanted one would you stop me? Jared, what about Kim?” The girls looked to both boys waiting for their answer. Jared just shrugged knowing Kim would be more conservative and only do one somewhere hidden. He thought it would be cute to be something only he saw since she never liked showing much skin. As for Sam, his eyes were bugging out at Emily while he searched his brain for a gentle response. “Baby, you know I think you are beautiful, but no, I don’t want you getting one sorry.” Sam was literally saved from the conversation as Embry and Paul walked into the house looking for lunch.

Paul walked over to you presenting a kiss on your forehead and questioning eyes about why suddenly the room was tense. “Seriously what happened in here, you can cut the tension with a knife.” 

Well here goes nothing: “Babe I am getting a tattoo so Kim and Emily were helping me choose which one from the samples.” It didn’t take too long for Paul to make his way around to where you were sitting and kneel in front of you. “Let me put it this way- no.” Boom, there it was. You were actually getting quite angry at his control over you. Being an imprint is a beautiful experience, except for this part. The part where he wants to control you. 

“So you can get a tattoo, but I can’t right?” You questioned your imprint as he looked into your eyes. “It isn’t about that Y/N. I love you the way you are. You look beautiful, why do you need to change that?” Okay, he was being nicer than you expected, but this time you weren’t being so nice. 

“Paul, you always tell me what I can and can’t do. I want one and I’m getting it tomorrow. I already have an appointment. So are you coming or should I just hold Kim’s hand for moral support? Your double standards are not winning this time.” Paul literally just sighed because you had a point. He saw the determination in your eyes and knew he couldn’t stop you. 

“Fine, but where and what tattoo? Also, I am going to make sure it is done correctly. You can get sick if this shop has idiots working there. I don’t want anyone messing with my girl.” At this declaration, you were shocked that Paul gave in so easy…

You leaned in to plunder his face with light kisses and latched onto him for hugs that would squeeze a normal person to death. “Babe I get it, you don’t have to try to take my oxygen! If you let me up we can research it together as long as you put it somewhere it can be covered for when we get married and stuff.” Paul was struggling to get up off the floor from the kneeling position. During this Emily looked to Sam with a look that not only said he would be finishing their discussion later, and for once, he needed to take note of Paul’s attitude on this.

The words your imprint said suddenly hit you, “Wait Paul..wedding?” With a smirk, he said, “Well, you were planning on staying with me forever right? Let’s get matching tattoos that only we know what it means.” 

Paul really was whipped but could be sweet when it came to his girl.

[canonicallysoulmates]

J2 Main Panel DC Con 2023

We're gonna jump right into questions:

How long have they been friends?

Jared answers that we all have our beliefs on why we're here, and what here is- this isn't the first lifetime they've been friends. That's so lovely 🥹🥰

He says technically, objectively this time around it was January-February 2005. Jensen says that's when they first met, and that when they met there was certainly a pretty fast connection between them- Jared interrupts to say he was pretty and Jensen was fast...then Jensen says he's gotten faster with age. I'm not gonna make a comment.

Jensen continues by saying that the day they met was the day they were auditioning for the roles in front of the studio and the network, and usually, there are a few different actors for the same role but when he walked into the building it was just Jared in there, and when they were called in they were called in together so they only read with each other and they were doing the scene where Dean tries to convince Sam to go on the road with him, and Jensen says immediately he was like 'oh this guy knows how to play, I can play ball with this guy' that there was a sensibility Jared had with his delivery and he was reacting to everything he was saying and it felt really natural.

They're asked to walk out and give everyone in the room a few minutes to talk it over, so they waited until they were told to go back in that they were going to be given some notes, when they walked back in the room everyone stood up and clapped and told them congratulations. So they left knowing they were about to work together and exchanged phone numbers. A day or two later Jared was inviting Jensen over to his place to play ping pong, it was then and there their friendship was born.

Jared tells two more stories. He lived in the LA Valley area and there are a lot of adult videos filmed in the area, and he lived next to an ex-porn actor and so Jensen came over, and they're two 20yr old guys, they're both in relationships but during the night they're playing ping pong and they have a keg, and all these actresses are coming in and out and Jensen was like 'where do you live dude?'.

Then, he's never told this story publically and he wonders if Jensen remembers it, but one of his makeup artists on Gilmore Girls had been talking about eye patches because he gets a little squinty if he doesn't sleep or has allergies- his eyes are really reactive. So, when he and Jensen met for the first time during the auditions, he thinks it was after the 1st or 2nd read, he asked him how he got his eyes so big because he thought Jensen knew a trick to make them look bigger. And Jensen was so confused.

Jensen doesn't remember that but he remembers Jared was squinty when he was younger, he was so brooding.

He also says he was worried Jared was going to tell another story involving a Chrissy from Oregon who was a neighbor that came over and was very nice, and they had a very interesting conversation. x

Next, question comes from Philemon Chambers, for those who don't know he played Augustus in Walker Independence, he wants to know who won ping pong?

Jared answers that in ping pong they were pretty split, pretty 50/50. And that he's probably still sore from playing ping pong with Jensen 20yrs ago.

Jensen says it was a bad idea when they took the ping pong table over to set because whenever they had a break, like lighting breaks which a lighting set up can be 20 to 45mins, they'd go next stage to play ping pong but the longer the break the sweatier they'd get so they'd come back to set and it would cause a delay cause the makeup department would have to cool them down. Until one day the ping pong table just dissapeared.

He says that's how the producers and directors would govern them they'd just take shit away for example the Impala had like a police spotlight at one point but got taken away because they'd blind the camera operator, and they also lost a horn during a certain point of the show because every time one of the camera operators leaned across the hood they'd honk it.

Jared says they wouldn't ask them to stop doing something they'd just take it away. Someone mentions the radio, Jensen says that's right the radio used to work it doesn't. x

What advice do they have for someone embarking on their 20s?

Jensen says in your 20's you still have so far to go in the best way so don't get hung up on stuff that will seem trivial 10yrs from now. Don't waste your time, there's a book called Don't Sweat the Small Stuff he recommends find it, read it, use it. But also even if you just take that title of don't sweat the small stuff because we do inevitably as people it's what we do, we focus on things that bring us to places emotionally that have no purpose that kinda stuff is just gonna be gone. He would say 20s is the perfect time to explore, have fun, live your life, dream big, and don't sweat the small stuff.

Jared agrees and adds don't sign long-term contracts, don't operate heavy machinery, don't drive but seriously your 20s are not the latter part of your life they're the beginning of your life. And he will add as well explore your first 20 years, explore how you got to where you are, the earlier you look into what's made you you, and what works and doesn't the better it'll be he started late, he started when he was like 35 and he's been working back trying to figure out what happened when he was 0-20 that formed who he is these days. Be curious, be kind, be compassionate. x

Looking back what's their favorite funny story in the time that they've known each other?

Jared says there are so many but this one popped up in his head, and it's the story of how when the twins were going to be born Jensen left his passport in Austin by mistake. In case anyone doesn't know the story the quick version of it is that D was set to give birth to the twins, and Jensen is usually very responsible but something told Jared to ask him to go touch his passport just to make sure he had it (because they were in Van filming and needed to get back to the States for the birth) and Jensen thought Jared was playing a prank on him but he checked anyways and it was not in his bag. He asks Jared about it he doesn't know where it is he wasn't messing with him, turns out Jensen left it by mistake in a jacket pocket in Austin. They got in contact with a law enforcement friend they have who contacted TSA or something and explained the situation so they were able to fly out of Canada and Jensen was able to be there for the twins' birth.

Jensen says this is an 18yr friendship they've had going, for the majority of it they've spent more time with each other than any other human being on the planet, so there are a lot of stories it's hard to pick one. He'll say what he misses about them working together so often was the times in between set-ups and shots when they would go and just spend time in the trailer. In most shows, they yell cut and actors go to their respective spaces but they didn't do that he would go to Jared's trailer sit on his couch, watch tv, and just hang out, and it was weird that they'd do that cause they never get tired of each other which he thinks speaks volumes when you spend that much time together and he thinks it's why they're still here today. 😍

When was a time that they had a hard decision to make? Something they weren't sure about but it ended up paying off.

Jared thinks he and Jensen have a similar story that could be an answer. Probably the most integral and scariest decision he ever made was to quit college and drive out to LA to try and be an actor. To go back to the 20yr question they had been asked earlier, he was 17 at the time when he did this, but the same rule goes and that's try on all the hats that you can, give it a shot, you're still learning who you are. He's 41, a husband, a father, a friend and he's still learning who he is and why he is who he is. In your 20s before you have a spouse, or kids, or a mortgage, or whatever it's a great time to go give it a shot, you rather try and learn that it's not for you than never try.

Jensen asks Jared if he had a backup plan. He did, it was to go back to college. He had some hours logged in already due to AP courses.

Jensen echoes what Jared said, one of the many things they have in common is that their origin story is very similar. He was set to go to college, courses were set, had a dorm room and roommate assigned, and then last minute just a few weeks before he had to report on campus, he said he was going to Hollywood and giving acting a shot. His dad gave him 6 months, they were incredibly supportive but his dad told him to give it a semester, and if he realized it wasn't for him to come back and start school in the second semester. He drove off and never came back, he started working right away and just kept working and kept working and it's like Jared said it's those little decisions that can have a big effect but don't put so much weight on every decision thinking it's gonna have a big effect, he's had a ton of decisions in his life that have had little or no effect at all.

There's another decision, he was on a soap opera for a number of years, he did 3 years and they wanted to extend his contract to do 3 more. As a 20yr old at the time he found it amazing, he did a good enough job they wanted to reward him with a bigger contract and the pay was going to triple- it was a dream come true type of thing and he had a bunch of congrats and people on set telling him it looked like he was gonna be there a couple more years but one amazing actress pulled him aside and told him no, that he wasn't he needed to go. And not in the way of wanting him gone but in the way of there are other things for him out there and he needed to go explore more and so against all odds he did, and that's a decision that has paid off. x

Do they have any shows or movies they re-watch or books they re-read that are really cherished? And why do they mean something to them?

Jared has some feel-good shows, he tries not to re-read books he just feels like there are so many he would love to read but he has re-read Into the Air by Jon Krakauer. And when he finds himself rewatching shows it's from his childhood like he'll put on Garfield or Simpsons. Someone in the crowd yells out Ninja Turtles and he says Ninja Turtles for sure. Jensen asks him which turtle he is and Jared replies he's probably Michelangelo but his favorite is Donatello. He thinks it's because he could always find a stick and hit people with it; his parents wouldn't let him have nunchucks, or the sai, or swords but he could always find a stick and pretend he was Donatello. And he had a purple outfit which was pretty cool; someone in the crowd mentions Leonardo and Jared says he was also pretty cool at which point Jensen says he thought Donatello's color was blue but Jared corrects him and tells him that no Leonardo is blue, Raphael is red, and Michaelangelo is orange. So when he does re-watch things it's from his childhood.

Jensen says this is unintentional, the show is just always on but his 10yr old daughter has found Friends, and he had forgotten how really entertaining that show is he literally doesn't know what station it is on but it's always on so anytime they're in the kitchen, she'll come in, put it on and sit down, and he'll be doing stuff while it's on and he'll just hear "pivot!" and start laughing. That's another thing, he had forgotten how many iconic sayings came from that show. It's a powerhouse of a show, but as far as a genre-type show he's kinda like Jared once he watches it going back and rewatching it he feels like he's missing out on the opportunity of seeing something new. He does have films that he keeps on his ipad whenever he's traveling or something that are downloaded, and there's one particular movie that he doesn't watch from beginning to end he usually just fast-forwards through to watch certain scenes of No Country For Old Men cause he thinks it's a masterclass in film making.

Jared comments he's like that with Inglorious Bastards, and Jensen replies yeah, that anything Tarantino like Hateful Eight he's been watching scenes of it, and it could be a stage play. But he gets the wanting to go back and kind of revisit those things cause it does give you those nostalgic emotions but also you know new experiences like he's sharing this with his daughter so that's kind of a fun new experience.

Jared says he's questioning his earlier statement about wanting to read new things cause if you watch the same show or movie or even the same book at different points in your life what you pick up will be different so maybe he'll start binging SPN. He will say without a word of a lie he could watch 15.20 reaction videos for an hour and cry every time, he thinks he's watched every single one. But he'd be interested to go and revisit the show. x

The next fan asks about a fuck it list. It's like a bucket list except that instead of waiting you're going to say fuck it and do it now, if you can, and their reactions are hilarious seriously y'all have to go watch this moment. But what would their current fuck it list item be?

Jared asks who or what? And then goes "okay, so just here and now" and moves towards Jensen with his tongue out 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Jensen moves away before Jared can get to him and goes "I told you I'm faster with old age". These men are unhinged. Unhinged I tell you!

Getting back on track, Jared is stumped on an answer, he doesn't know then he asks the fan if they have kids cause he thinks it changes once you have kids and says for him he would love to travel. The fan asks if with his kids and the silence speaks a thousand words, then after he pauses he says that no, they can travel as well somewhere they're welcome to do so but that just in case his wife sees this on youtube he says that he wants to travel with the kids and his wife cause he loves them so very much. Believe it.

Jensen says no, that he doesn't have either a fuck it list or a bucket list he has responsibilities. He can't just go play, he has a house to feed and lights to keep on. He's gonna be honest he has been asked bucket list before he had not been asked fuck it list but he honestly doesn't have either and he means that he's still at the age where he has responsibilities, he has things that he thinks he needs to do, he has things that he needs to get done, and things he wants to get done in order to facilitate certain things in his life. Some of those bring him joy and some of those are just responsibilities that he needs to take care of because he's an adult. x

Final question, any updates on the Impala's?

Both of their respective cars were sent to a body shop just out of Houston, between Houston and Austin, a very reputable place that Clif found for them, and they're getting all the work done that they wanted to get done but Jensen's took longer cause it needed to be used for The Winchester. And so he told them he had to pull Baby out of the shop and it went to NOLA, filmed for a while then finally got back in the shop a few months ago. Jensen thinks it's supposed to be ready this month. He'll go pick her up and then go cruise the back roads of America, and he tells Jared he'll go pick him up and Jared says he'll be there. Jensen says they haven't done it yet but they do joke about just driving around town at some point, they may have to like put some go pros or something on the side.

Jared says his only goal with the Impala is to somehow or another get Mark Sheppard into the trunk. He will say that there's this thing called live water it's supposed to be like ph balanced water. (It's unprocessed water. Or even simpler terms it's water from the river, or a spring, or a lake except river water isn't profitable but if you call it live water it is!) Anyways, he has a subscription for it, cause of course he does, and it's like 5 a month or 5 a week. The point is every third Friday they get a delivery. You leave the empty ones on your driveway and they take them and put the new ones, and the guy who delivered last time was seemingly a fan of SPN, and the garage door was open with the Impala in there and the pic of Sam on a horse from French Mistake is right next to it leaning up against a wall and Jared was walking the dogs, and the guy who delivers looked at Jared kind of confused, looked into the garage saw the Impala and the picture shook his head, said 'dude' and walked away. x

As the panel comes to an end Jensen mentions that he had gotten asked when he and Rob Benedict came up with the last question song, he doesn't know and Rob doesn't either but Richard Speight says that he does know why it started in the first place. It was so he and Rob would stop getting booed when they walked on stage to announce the end of the panel.

Before the boys walk off stage Jared says he feels inspired and motivated to say something: Be kind, be silly, be goofy, be yourself, and share snacks. 💛

J2 Main Panel DC Con

[xlynnbbyx]

Before I post photos of Jensen from the con last weekend I wanna make a post to apologize for the lack of posts here. Normally I’m on top of anything Jensen & Jared during con weekends. But last weekend was a scary weekend for me. Last Friday I noticed my handsome boy Scooter was peeing blood. At first I wasn’t too sure it was blood I just knew it was not Casper. He tends to pee in the corner of the litter box. Scooter pees in the middle of the litter box or sometimes on the left side of the litter box. For the record before I go on yes I have 1 litter box for 2 cats. I know you are supposed to have 1 litter box for each cat plus an extra. So technically you should have 3 litter boxes. Well I don’t have the space for more than 1 litter box. Plus I can’t afford to buy litter for each box. So I have 1 extra large litter box which is enough for both of my boys. They each have a side of the litter box and I never have any issues with them sharing. Plus it is easy to monitor their bathroom habits/leavings.

Anyway back to Scooter I didn’t know it was blood until I saw him come in and actually pee blood in the litter box. At first I was going to wait til Monday to take him but when he started straining I knew it couldn’t wait. I took him to the emergency vet Saturday. Turns out he has what the call feline lower urinary tract disease basically an UTI. His bladder was full of blood which was scary. He wasn’t blocked but if I had not gotten him there when I did he could have become blocked. Which would have been fatal. The vet was originally talking surgery and a 2 to 3 day stay in the vet hospital. Which would have cost up to $6,000. No way I could have done that so my choice would have been surrender him and they would have gave him a new home after he was better or put him to sleep. So either way I would have lost him and that was NOT an option. The vet said it could be possible to avoid that if his kidney were functioning properly. Luckily his kidneys are normal and functioning properly. So the recommendation was a 24 hour stay to over hydrate him to flush his bladder out. I hated leaving him there cause I didn’t want him to think he was being abandoned. They let me see him before I left. I told him I love him he needed to get better and I was not leaving him that I would be back.

Next day we got a call that he responded well to treatment and he was ready to come home. He was sent home with antibiotics and for some reason 2 pain medications. He does have to be on prescription urinary dry & wet food. This will prevent crystals from forming causing stones which will cause him to get blocked. Thursday he had a check up and he is doing good responded well to the antibiotics. I asked if he could have Purina urinary food cause it is cheap and easy to get. Vet said nope it has to be either Royal Canin or Hill’s prescription food. Over the counter urinary foods don’t have what he need. We went with Hill’s but sadly it is very expensive. It’s $32 for a 4lb bag & $2 or $6 a can for wet food. But I have no choice if I want to prevent him from getting sick again. The vet said it was even safe to have Casper on it too. Cause it’s easier to transition them to the same food than to separate them. I can’t believe it’s been a week since everything happened.

Sometimes I doubt myself as a fur. Sometimes I think I get paranoid when it comes to my 2 cats & pup. But I’m glad I went with my instincts when it came to Scooter. Everyone who knows me knows Scooter means the world to me. Scooter was given to me as a birthday gift in October 2018. I was sick on my birthday so I was upset. 2 days after my birthday my dad found this tiny orange kitten who was 3 weeks old. They could not find his mother so my dad brought him home to me as a gift. I raised him since he was 3 weeks. Since he couldn’t eat food yet I bottled fed him. I set up a safe bed area for him. I would help him get to sleep and litter trained him. He will be 5 on Oct 5th as I estimated that is when he was born. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. It will be a struggle to pay for his food but it is worth it to keep him healthy and with me where he belongs.

Sorry this is so long but I needed to let it out. My life this year has been one shit storm after another. I’m just grateful to still have my baby boy with me.

[braveclementine]

Fantastic. We're so Screwed

Warnings: None

Copyright: I do not own any Twilight characters or locations. I do own Davina Mikelson and Marcel. I also own the backstory for my OC. I do not condone any copying of this.

We had only been back in the house a few days when Bella called Edward asking for him and Carlisle to come help her as she had seen Irina and Irina had seen Jacob.

Carlisle and Edward were gone in a flash.

It had been a couple of slow days. Caroline, Samuel, and Niklaus were a little bigger, definitely able to walk, talk, and eat on their own. They were being more mature than Renesmee when it came to eating, hunting deer with us instead of supplementing with human blood bags. Of course, that might've been the werewolf in their system.

And to be fair, it seemed they didn't need blood at all, which then made me wonder if I even needed blood. So I was off blood at the moment. I had only ever really hunted when Carlisle hunted but now I wasn't per his request so he could study me.

Of course, they were fairly normal for kids, still turning their noses up at vegetables- not that I blamed them in the slightest- but I could always compromise cauliflower with carrots or corn instead.

Leah and Seth were not enthusiastic about the idea of our entire family heading off to South America. I knew Jacob was arguing about him going along with us, but I wasn't entirely sure if Leah had the patience to travel with vampires. I knew Seth could do it though.

I was tempted to leave Samuel and Caroline here, let them stay on the Rez with Leah and Seth. But at the same time, I was afraid of what might happen if they did stay here.

Jared and Paul were relentlessly teasing me about being a tan vampire- as having come back from a Caribbean beach had done wonders for my skin.

However, all in all, Carlisle and Edward had not been able to find Irina. I wasn't entirely sure if I even wanted her to be found and here. We had to many werewolf friends here and I wasn't ready to hurt one of Carlisle's friends to protect my family- but I would if I had to.

And so the days passed. I went down to La Push every other day with some sort of baked treat that Jared claimed got better ever since I became a vampire. Sam told me that he and Emily were going to get married soon- in May. I was excited for them of course.

"You know." I told Sam when we were alone at the beach the other day. Alone meaning standing away from the others who were playing soccer. The wolf girls were lounging on the beach with Caroline, Niklaus, and Samuel, playing with them. Claire and Quil were there too. "Carlisle, as a wedding present, he bought me an island."

Sam scoffed, rolling his eyes, "An entire island?"

"Yep. That's actually where we spent our honeymoon." I said with a grin, "Isle Davina."

Sam snickered, "You didn't want to change that name?"

"Well it's actually Isle Beloved." I said with a bit of a grimace, "But I think Isle Davina is better. But anyways, I can give you the address if you want to take Emily there for your guys' honeymoon."

Sam's kidding attitude was gone in a flash, "Really?" He sounded astounded.

"Yeah. I mean, it's mine technically so I can do whatever I want with it. There's a really nice house there and the island is very quiet. It's got basically everything you need there and there's a cleaning crew that will show up every two weeks. Stay as long as you want. Have some fun. You two deserve it." I said with a grin.

"Thanks Davina." Sam said, pulling me into a side hug.

"Don't worry ugly, I've got your back." I winked and then moved away so that I could go into the water.

***

The worst day of my perfect life came in the most mundane moment. Embry was over, visiting with Bree again. Leah and Seth were there too. Quil and Jacob on the other hand were down at the Rez. Jacob was setting things up with Sam about him leaving with us.

Emmett, Marcel, and Jasper were talking about the hunting possibilities of the Amazon rain forest. Talking about hunting Jaguars and panthers. Emmett wanted to wrestle with an anaconda snake. I rolled my eyes and told them flat out that if they hunted a single Jaguar, they were grounded for seven months.

Esme and Rose were in a corner talking about packing necessities.

Bree, Embry, Leah, Seth, and I were playing a bunch of different cards games- mostly UNO. Caroline and Samuel had fallen asleep together while Niklaus sat next to his father on the couch, both of them reading. Their brows were both furrowed with the same look of concentration, even as Niklaus was reading Jack and Annie fact tracker Rain forests and Carlisle was reading something about anatomy.

Bella and Edward were doing their own thing. I honestly almost never paid attention to them.

Alice had been dithering around the room, cleaning spotless surfaces, rearranging perfectly hung garlands and paintings, and fixing the slightest imperfections.

"Let it go, Alice; she's not our concern." Jasper spoke suddenly and I paid it almost no mind. I could feel the calmness sweeping through the room and Leah shot an annoyed look at Jaz.

"Lighten up Leah." I joked, "We know you've lost every game but that's no reason to be in such a bad mood."

"Shut it mom." Leah growled, throwing down a red seven and calling, "UNO!" rather victoriously for round twenty-one.

I paused, however, when I heard the whooshing sound through crystal and then the sound of crystal shattering against the hard wood floor.

Our game stilled and the room became silent as we all turned our attention- except Niklaus- to Alice.

"Did she just. . ." Leah drifted off, knowing that- yes- Alice had just dropped something on accident.

Her eyes weren't completely here, halfway in the vision, and halfway with us. I felt fright pierce my heart and the hairs on the back of my neck rose, goosebumps breaking out over my skin.

That was when Edward gasped and all of our heads spun towards him next. The sound was broken, half-choked, and tortured.

"What?" Jasper was the first to break the silence, leaping to Alice's side in a quarter of a second. The sound of crystal being crushed under his feet was the only other sound besides the sleeping children. "What, Alice?"

Emmett was the next to move, even if it was just slightly, his eyes darting towards the window.

I got to my feet next, moving to crouch in front of my children, Seth and Leah flanking me, their bodies shaking, though not to the extent that they would transform on accident. Embry and Bree stayed where they were, side by side, waiting.

"What is it?" Jasper asked, shaking Alice.

"They're coming for us. All of them." Alice and Edward said together in perfect sync.

I felt shudders roll down my spine. The Volturi were coming for us. I knew that's who they were talking about. Who else could there possibly be?

"The Volturi." Alice confirmed with a low moan.

"All of them." Edward said at the same time as her, but their voices seemed almost separate.

"Why? How?" Alice asked, not expecting an answer from us, but from herself.

"When?" Edward questioned, trying to see into her mind and find the answer.

"Why?" Esme echoed, looking at Carlisle.

"When?" Jasper growled the most important question again.

"Not long." They echoed together again. Alice continued on her own next, "There's snow on the forest, snow on the town. Little more than a month."

I looked out the window and saw only grayness with the sun hidden behind the clouds. It would probably rain soon. But no snow.

"Why?" Carlisle asked in a strained voice and I moved away from the sleeping children to stand at his side.

"They must have a reason. Maybe to see. . ." Esme answered, trying to think the best of everyone.

"This isn't about Bella or mom." Alice said. "They're all coming- Aro, Caius, Marcus, every member of the guard, even the wives."

"The wives never leave the tower." Jasper said flatly. "Never. Not during the southern rebellion. Not when the Romanians tried to overthrow them. Not even when they were hunting the immortal children. Never."

"They're coming now." Edward said softly.

"But why? We've done nothing! And if we had, what could we possibly do that would bring this down on us?" Carlisle asked desperately and it hurt to see him like this.

"There are so many of us they must want to make sure that. . ." Edward started.

"That we don't overthrow them." I finished for him. "That we don't win."

But why?

"That doesn't answer the crucial question! Why?" Carlisle asked again, looking between Alice and Edward.

I thought back to the day that Irina had been here. She had seen Jacob, yes. But that didn't warrant her going to the Volturi. After all, if this was about the werewolves. . . well for one thing, they were none of the Volturi's business in the first place. For another, she would've done it a long time ago.

Except it wasn't just Jacob. It was Renesmee too. Renesmee who looked like an immortal child. Irina, whose own mother had created and immortal child. And their mother who had paid the price and had been killed in front of their eyes.

"Renesmee." I whispered.

Everyone looked at me.

"Irina saw Renesmee and thought she was an immortal child." I finished.

Bella turned, draping her body over Renesmee's sleeping form while I turned to look at my own sleeping kids. I felt a panic inside of me. "They're coming for the kids." I finished.

"It's as if they're waiting for her." Alice said, drawing attention back to her. Seth and Leah were bristling even more now. "Like their decision was already made, and just waiting for her. . ."

"They've always wanted the Cullen family out of the way." I pointed out. "This is just a trigger for them. An excuse."

"Can we stop her?" Jasper asked.

"There's no way. She's almost there." Alice said.

"I might be able to take the water channels and combine the water pressure and catapult myself into Europe?" I offered, racking my brain and trying to figure out if that would work.

Alice shook her head, "Even if you could swim faster than you can run, faster than an airplane, you wouldn't make it in time."

I cursed under my breath, kneeling down next to Caroline and Samuel. Niklaus had finally set his book aside, paying close attention, his eyes slowly traveling over each person in the room, taking them in.

Edward was beside Bella now, his arms around her.

"But she's wrong." Bella said. "They aren't like those other children. They were frozen, but they grow so much every day. They were out of control, but she never hurts Charlie or Sue or even shows them things that would upset them. They can control themselves. They're already smarter than most adults. There would be no reason. . ."

No one spoke for a long time. Bree was curled into Embry's side, yellow eyes wide with fright. The last time she had come in contact with the Volturi, they were almost all in favor of her death. It had taken everything I'd had to keep her alive.

"It's not the kind of crime they hold trial for, love. Aro's seen Irina's proof in her thoughts. They come to destroy, not to be reasoned with." Edward said quietly.

"But they're wrong." Bella said stubbornly.

"They won't wait for us to show them that." Edward said.

"What can we do?" Bella asked.

"We fight." Emmett said.

Silently, I agreed with him. I was itching to tear apart into Jane. But at the same time. . . my kids. Our kids. Mine and Carlisles. . .

"We can't win." Jasper growled.

"Well, we can't run. Not with Demetri around. And I don't know that we can't win. There are a few options to consider. We don't have to fight alone." Emmett pointed out.

"We don't have to sentence the Quileutes to death either, Emmett!" Bella's head snapped up.

I shot a look at Seth, Leah, and Embry.

"Chill, Bella." Emmett said.

"Bells, Emm bear." I said in a slightly warning voice, stopping their argument and then said, "Look, half of the Quileute pack has imprinted on some member of this family. They're going to end up fighting with us anyways. Besides, Irina will have alerted Aro of our treaty so they wouldn't be safe either way. Not to mention Sam and Jacob would both love to tear into Vampires they can actually kill, especially if it means keeping La Push safe."

"I was thinking of our other friends." Emmett muttered.

"Other friends we don't have to sentence to death." Carlisle warned.

"Hey, we'll let them decide. I'm not saying they have to fight with us. If they'd just stand beside us. Just long enough to make the Volturi hesitate. Bella's right, after all. If we could force them to stop and listen. Though that might take away any reason for a fight. . ." Emmet said, thinking it through.

There were eleven of us. Plus ten wolves. That already put us at twenty-one. If we could get just a few other people. . . the Denali clan would make twenty-five. How many Volturi would there be?

"Yes. That makes sense, Emmett. All we need is for the Volturi to pause for one moment. Just long enough to listen." Esme said grateful for a peaceful resolution.

"We'd need quite a show of witnesses." Rose said.

"We've got eleven of us." I pointed out. "Ten wolves. That's twenty-one right there. We get the Denali clan we have twenty-five. I don't know how many other friends we have exactly but we could probably get our numbers up around thirty."

"We'd do it for them." Emmett said.

"We'll have to ask them just right." Alice murmured.

"It might not work." I pointed out. "So they see that Renesmee and Samuel and Caroline and Niklaus aren't like the immortal children. Great. That's just going to make Aro want them in his possession even more. He collects. We all know this. He'll find another reason to take us out just to get them."

"So then we fight." Emmett said firmly. We locked eyes and the two of us came to a silent agreement. We would fight.

"Tanya's family. Siobhan's' coven. Amun's some of the nomads- Garrett and Mary for certain. maybe Alistair." Alice said, her eyes glazed over again.

Carlisle had a hand on my shoulder, his fingers tight.

"What about Peter and Charlotte?" Jasper questioned.

"Maybe."

"The Amazons?" Carlisle asked in a voice that suggested hope but also disappointment. "Kachiri, Zafrinia, and Senna?"

"I can't see." Alice said.

"What was that? That part in the jungle. Are we going to look for them?" Edward asked and I realized there was something wrong.

"I can't see." Alice repeated and the minute that she didn't meet Edwards' eyes, I knew there was something she was hiding. But I immediately looked away. If she was hiding it, it meant that she didn't want anyone else to know. Meaning Edward. Because if Edward saw it, then Aro would see it. "We'll have to split up and hurry- before the snow sticks to the ground. We have to round up whomever we can and get them here to show them. Ask Eleazar. There is more to this than just an immortal child."

I wondered what that was supposed to mean. We all waited.

I met Marcel's eyes and saw the same look in his eyes that I had seen when I was a little girl and the Colonel had told him he was going to Iraq. He had been so sure that was the last time he would step foot in America. He had thought he would die in Iraq.

I couldn't stand seeing that look, meeting Leah's eyes instead. There was a fierceness in them as they darted between the standing statues of the room and Samuel's sleeping figure.

I reached out to touch Seth's shoulder.

"There is so much. We have to hurry." Alice whispered.

"Alice? That was too fast- I didn't understand. What was-?" Edward tried again.

"I can't see! Jacob's almost here!" Alice snarled.

That definitely didn't make sense as there were three werewolves in the room already.

"I'll deal with-" Rose started.

"No, let him come." Alice said quickly. She was grabbing Jasper's hand, pulling him out the door. "I'll see better away from Nessie too. I need to go. I need to really concentrate. I need to see everything I can. I have to go. Come on, Jasper, there's no time to waste!"

I could hear Jacob on the stairs.

"Hurry! You have to find them all!"

It felt like she was leaving.

I wondered if she was.

"Find what?" Jacob asked as he opened and shut the front door himself. I sank down, resting my head on the back of Seth's legs. I had a very sudden headache. "Where'd Alice go?"

No one answered him. Not even Seth or Leah or Embry. The rest of them just stared at Jacob.

I could hear water drops as Jacob shook his head and then said, "Hey, Bells! I thought you guys would've gone home by now. . ."

He drifted off before asking in a flat tone, "What? What happened?"

No one answered. I wasn't entirely sure that anyone knew exactly how to tell him.

I heard footsteps cross the room, probably to check on Renesmee as he said, "Is she okay? Don't mess with me, Bella, please!"

"Nothing's wrong with Renesmee." Bella finally choked out. Carlisle sank to the ground, pulling me into his lap to hug me tightly to his chest. His breathing was nonexistent.

"Then who?" Jacob demanded.

"All of us, Jacob. It's over. We've all be sentenced to die."

Well, that was a bit melodramatic for me.

***

For the rest of the night, we sat or stood where we had been. None of us moved an inch. Carlisle's lips had barely moved as he clutched me to his chest. The retelling for Jacob had made everything seem more real.

Leah, Embry, Seth, and Jacob had eventually fallen asleep- all of them as wolves. And though I could've slept too, I couldn't keep my eyes closed. I couldn't stop looking at my beautiful children.

Morning broke. We waited for Alice to come back.

We decided to pack to save some time. Esme, Carlisle, and I were going to London. Esme was rather excited about it, saying how they hadn't been to London in a long time.

Seth and Leah were going to keep house with our kids. Renesmee was going with Edward and Bella to get the Denali's and then come back to the house so that all the kids would be in one place.

"Alright, let's get this show on the road. . ." Jacob broke off at a set of heavy footsteps that I recognized to be Sam's outside the window. I turned and saw him with a note in his hand.

I dashed down the stairs, pulling the door open, "Sam?"

His face was grim and I sighed, "I wanted to talk to you. You need to-"

"If you tell me to stay out of this I will dunk you in the river shorty." Sam said with a small smile. Carlisle and Edward were soon by my side and his smile slipped off his face, handing the note to Carlisle, "Alice asked me to give this to you. She and Jasper crossed our lands to the ocean last night."

Jacob, Seth, Leah, and Embry were now standing by Sam's side as Carlisle read whatever was written on the piece of paper.

"Carlisle?" Esme and I asked at the same time.

"They left us." Carlisle said sadly, folding the piece of paper up.

"Why?" Rosalie demanded.

"She didn't say." Carlisle said.

"Can I see that?" Bella asked and Carlisle handed it over to her.

"That puts the numbers down to twenty-three if we can convince the Denali to come." I said and then paused, "And if every werewolf shows up."

"We will." Sam said.

I gazed at him and then nodded, resigning myself to their fate. "You know we're all probably going to die, right?"

Sam gazed back at me solemnly. "But there's a chance we won't. I'll stick with those odds."

I smiled softly.

"I'm not going down without a fight." Emmett growled. "Alice told us what to do. Let's get it done."

I turned to Leah and Seth, "Take care of my kids while we're gone."

"Of course mom." Seth muttered, pulling me into a hug. I brushed his hair back lovingly and kissed Leah's cheek. I ruffled Embry's hair and then pulled Sam into a tight hug. "You better not die in this war Sammy."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

I smiled sadly, called for Caroline, Nik, and Samuel. "You guys are going to spend a few days at La Push, okay? Be good for Aunt Sue, alright? No using your powers, got it?"

"Yes mom." They all said before leaping into the others arms.

I watched as they all moved away, except for Jacob who was going to be going with Edward and Bella, and Embry who was keeping house with Bree. Marcel was staying behind as well.

I took Carlisle's hand. Even if we were screwed, even if Alice had left because she had seen that we were all going to die, I believed we still had a chance. I would have to take that chance. I had to believe that Carlisle, myself, and our kids were going to get out of it. That my daughters and sons were going to get out of this. That Marcel was going to get out of this. They had to. Because if I didn't think positively, then we really were screwed. 

[365daysofj2]

Rescue Mission: Impossible (SeaQuest AU, 4/5)

Jared and Jensen weren’t the last people to arrive at the briefing room for the debrief session—Captain Morgan and Commander Sheppard weren’t there yet, either. They took their seats near the center of the table, since Jensen would have a fairly lengthy report to make. It had taken Jensen about 2 hours to write it with Jared’s help. Jared felt like he hadn’t contributed much, just some assistance with word choice and grammar, which mirrored how he felt about the mission as a whole. Once again, he was just supporting Jensen, who was the real star of the show. 

Jared tried to push down the inappropriate envy he felt. Jensen was still distraught over the failure of the mission, a failure he felt personally responsible for. That wasn’t the position Jared wanted to be in—far from it. But Jared didn’t think he’d really enhanced the mission much, and he was a bit resentful that his role in the debrief was basically babysitting Jensen. That wasn’t the fairest way to put it, but it felt accurate. Jared was the squire and Jensen was the white knight, even though Jared was the commissioned Naval officer and more experienced crew member. 

Hell, Jensen wasn’t technically a crew member at all. Jared had never asked if he even got paid like the rest of the crew, and Jensen had never mentioned it. It’s possible the arrangement Alan Ackles had made was basically just for room and board for Jensen in exchange for whatever funding or tech he’d provided. Jared wasn’t privy to the details, and he wasn’t sure if Jensen even knew exactly what his father had given Morgan and the UEO in order to offload Jensen onto the SeaQuest. It was part of Jensen’s past that he never voluntarily talked about. He hadn’t mentioned his father once since the emancipation order had been filed and approved by the court in California, where the SeaQuest had docked to give the crew a week of holiday shore leave at New Year’s. 

Jared sipped his synthetic coffee with vanilla oat milk creamer. It was no substitute for the real thing, but coffee bean farming had been banned almost a decade earlier due to the deleterious effects on the environment. The Colombian government had been furious. Jensen had an energy drink full of synthetic caffeine and artificial sweeteners. Jared had tried to convince Jensen to give those up, but Jensen argued that they were performance enhancing. Jared hadn’t really been able to argue that one.

Morgan and Sheppard walked in, and Jared sat up at attention, as did the rest of the officers seated around the conference table. Even Jensen sat up a little straighter in his chair, although he didn’t put his drink can down. 

“Good morning,” said Morgan, who sat down on a chair in the front of the room. Sheppard sat at the far end of the U-shaped table, closest to the Captain. He nodded to Sheppard, who used an epad to activate the room’s viewscreen. “Commander, begin the recording.” Sheppard pressed a few buttons on his epad.

“Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get this debriefing started. The faster we get through this, the faster I can get the UEO and the Feds off my back. I’ve spoken to Admiral Pileggi, who informed me that the DOJ and FBI may request a formal inquiry into this operation.”

Jared’s stomach clenched. A formal UEO inquiry was akin to a military tribunal. It would go beyond fact-finding; the question of legal liability would be raised. He glanced over at Jensen to see if he understood the gravity of what the Captain had said. The curious look on his face seemed to indicate that he didn’t. And Morgan was looking straight at Jensen, likely doing the same as Jared.

“Those of you who went to the Academy are familiar with the concept of a formal inquiry,” said Morgan, and several of the crew members around the table nodded. “For those who aren’t, a formal inquiry is akin to a civil trial. The purpose is to determine who or what is legally responsible for the failure of this mission, and whether civil or criminal charges should be filed.”

Jensen’s eyes widened and all the color drained from his face. Jared reached for his hand underneath the table and squeezed it firmly. He opened his mouth to whisper to him, but the Captain continued before he could get a word out.

“As I am the Captain of this vessel, I am the one who would bear any and all responsibility for the outcome of this operation,” said Morgan, fixing his gaze firmly on Jensen. “However, the inquiry may determine whether formal censure is made against any particular crew member.”

Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand again. He slid his chair close enough to Jensen for their knees to touch. He could feel Jensen’s leg shaking as the gravity of the situation sank in for him. 

“Personally,” said Morgan, folding his hands, “I don’t believe any wrongdoing has occurred. I think all of you did the best you could under the circumstances, and those circumstances were not in our favor from the very beginning. And I’m going to do my damnedest not to let the Feds conduct a witch hunt among my crew.” He smiled reassuringly at Jensen. “I’ve got your backs—all of you. None of you are going down without a hell of a fight on my part.”

Jared felt Jensen relax slightly. Jared leaned over and nudged Jensen’s shoulder with his own. He was still clutching Jensen’s hand under the table. That was the best he could do in a room filled with people. 

Morgan sat back in his chair. “Now that I’ve scared the daylights out of some of you, I guess we should get started. Lt. Buckmaster, you’re up.” 

Briana went to the front of the room and pulled up the schematics for the WSKRS probes on the viewscreen. She summarized what she had done to modify the WSKRS sensors and just briefly touched on the programming that Jensen had done. She then showed the sensor logs, including the false positive, and then the successful targeting of the submersible. Lastly, she described what the WSKRS searched for and logged to verify the submersible’s implosion. Since Jared had been on the bridge almost the whole time, he was able to follow Briana’s explanations easily. He’d seen most of it go down with his own eyes. The sensor logs didn’t mean much to anyone besides her, but she’d documented their efforts well. 

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” said the Captain when she had finished. She sat down next to Commander Sheppard. Morgan nodded at Jensen. “You’re up next, Ackles.”

Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand quickly before he had to let go so Jensen could walk to the front of the room. Jensen pulled a mess of computer code and numbers up on the viewscreen that Jared figured was the same as what Jensen had shown him before the operation, but it still was complete gibberish to Jared. 

Jensen shoved his hands in his pockets, clearly nervous as hell. Jared smiled encouragingly at him. 

“Okay, so…the first thing I had to do was reprogram Loner to look for what I’m calling a ‘data black hole,’” said Jensen, his voice shaking slightly at first. “Because the submersible is a physical object, it disrupts the environment around it in a specific way—displacing water volume equal to its weight, stopping the current flow, things like that. But the craft suppressed the sensor data that would indicate its presence. But the craft was still a physical entity that took up space. So if Loner couldn’t find the presence of the craft, I had to program it to search for the absence of water volume, current speed, et cetera, that would indicate that the craft was located in that ‘black hole’.”

Jared glanced around the table. Briana and Morgan nodded in understanding, but the less technically-inclined crew members like Speight looked confused. But Jensen only had eyes for Morgan, so he went on. “I took a look at how space telescopes are programmed to look for actual black holes, and based my code on that.” He gestured at the viewscreen. “The code was designed to look for null values—the number zero—rather than positive values. So if the current speed was zero, that would read as an affirmative target. Any values greater than zero would read as negative, and be ignored.”

There were more nods this time. This explanation seemed to make sense to everyone. Jensen’s gaze flicked over to Jared, who gave him a quick thumbs-up. Jensen smiled and started going through the details of the code, explaining how they worked. When he finished, he advanced the viewscreen to a different chunk of code. 

“So, we decided to boost Junior’s sensor gain to look for the 17-centimeter crack in the craft’s hull that was reported to us,” Jensen continued. “This code removed the hard limiter on the sensor’s search parameters and expanded the range of those parameters to begin at 5 centimeters rather than 500 centimeters.” He explained what the code did and how he altered it. Then he changed slides to another mess of numbers and symbols that Jared didn’t understand. “This is the sensor data that Junior picked up from the false target.” He explained what the data said and why they believed that it was the downed craft. After that, he explained what it actually had been. Next, he pulled up another slide, with similar content. “And this is the sensor data from Loner when it detected the Pellegrino sub’s unique signature.” He went through those readings as well, explaining what they said and why. He directed his last remarks to Morgan. “We were on course to intercept the submersible when the implosion occurred.” He advanced to his final slide. “And here’s the sensor data that Pellegrino Nanotech sent to confirm the implosion.” His voice broke on the last word.

Morgan stood up. “Thanks, Jensen.” He lightly cuffed Jensen on the shoulder as Jensen rounded the edge of the table to return to his seat. Jensen made a halfhearted attempt at a smile in response. Then he took his seat next to Jared. Jared reached under the table and squeezed Jensen’s knee. “You did great,” he murmured in Jensen’s ear. 

“Thanks,” Jensen whispered back as Benedict and Speight went to the front of the room and gave their report on the aborted rescue mission. It only took about three minutes, since they hadn’t gotten to do anything but move into position. 

Commander Sheppard cleared the viewscreen and moved to stand next to Captain Morgan at the front of the room. “Thank you, everyone. The recording of this debrief will be submitted to UEO Command as evidence. It will then be their responsibility to forward it on to any US government agencies that request it.” Morgan nodded to Sheppard, who used his epad to stop the recording. “Off the record, I think you all did a damn good job in an impossible situation. But unfortunately, my opinion doesn’t count for much with the Feds. But none of you—” Morgan looked directly at Jensen. “—have anything to apologize for, as far as I’m concerned.” He then turned his attention to Briana. “And I stand behind all of you and all of your actions one hundred percent.”

“Thank you, Sir,” said several of the crew members, including Jared. They all got to their feet, and Jared pressed his shoulder against Jensen’s before they moved to file out of the room.

Morgan caught Jensen’s arm as he and Jared were leaving the room. “You did good, kid,” he said. 

Jensen smiled weakly. “Thank you.” He straightened slightly. “—Sir.”

“The ball’s in the UEO’s court now,” explained Morgan. “If this does lead to a full inquiry, I will personally prepare you for your testimony.”

Jensen nodded, biting his lip. “Thanks.”

Morgan clapped Jensen on the shoulder. “Dismissed. Get out of here. Go see Winchester.”

“Will do,” Jared replied. He took Jensen’s hand and led him out of the briefing room.

Once they were outside, Jared slung an arm around Jensen’s shoulder and kissed his cheek. “You were awesome up there.”

Jensen’s cheeks colored. “Thanks,” he said quietly. “But you’re biased.”

“Morgan was impressed too,” Jared pointed out. “I really wish you’d stop being so hard on yourself. Yes, the mission ultimately failed, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take pride in the parts of it that worked.”

“Like what?” Jensen asked, still sounding unsure.

“Jensen, you found the damn thing!” Jared couldn’t help letting his voice rise on the last couple words. He stopped and forced Jensen to face him. “You realize that no one else on here has anywhere close to the level of knowledge needed to program the WSKRS to find literal nothingness, right? The fact that we got as close to it as we did is entirely because of you.”

Jensen nodded, but he was looking away from Jared. Jared gripped Jensen’s shoulders and pulled him in for a kiss. He slid one hand from Jensen’s shoulder up to the back of his neck and kept him close. Jensen was hesitant at first, but then he relaxed into Jared’s touch. When they finally broke for air, Jensen was actually smiling. 

“I am so fucking glad you’re mine,” Jared murmured into Jensen’s ear. 

Jensen’s smile quickly became a cocky smirk. “You wanna show me how much?”

Jared gestured down the empty hallway. “Lead the way.”

[youcouldmakealife]

SOTM: Various, online chatter; that’s enough internet for today

For the prompt: How hot is Jared? Twitter's best explainers

Forgive me any formatting sins -- I aimed for clarity over authenticity, but who knows if tumblr will oblige on that front.

“How’s the internet doing?” Dave asks.

“Well,” Andreas says. “It’s — technically good news, but in a way you probably don’t want to hear the details of?”

“That sounds ominous,” Dave says.

“Do you know what shipping means?” Andreas asks. “Not the—“

“You know, you’re right,” Dave says, literally backing into his office. “I don’t want to know.”

“I didn’t think so,” Andreas says, saluting Dave with his coffee, then goes to check out what’s happening on twitter. He thinks he’s had more than enough of AO3 for the foreseeable future.

~

On Twitter:

I’ve decided to block everyone who says something shitty about Bryce Marcus or Jared Matheson in the next while and I think my hockey twitter experience is going to greatly improve as a result

This is absolute genius I’m doing it

WAIT JARED MATHESON IS CANUCKS DILF’S SON?

HOLY SHIT JARED MATHESON IS CANUCKS DILF’S SON

OH MY GOD THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

Damn now we know he’s going to stay beautiful.

So does Bryce clearly. Lock that upppp.

HOW COME THERE ISN’T A WHOLE JARED MATHESON FANDOM.

Nevermind fam just found out there is in fact a fandom and they are losing their dang MINDS right now.

~

A selection of tweets liked by Bryce Marcus’ lurking account:

Look if I landed Jared Matheson I too would tattoo his signature on my chest.

I would tattoo his PICTURE.

How is it that Bryce Marcus is a multi-millionaire who routinely is in the top twenty in scoring and clearly takes care of his appearance and dresses better than 95% of hockey players, and yet I’m still like ‘nice work landing that husband, bro’.

You know that if Marcus and Matheson could reproduce they would have the most beautiful children 

Sweet mitts too

Every single picture or video I’ve managed to find of Bryce Marcus and Jared Matheson in the same place Jared is like 😐 and Bryce is like 😍  how did we just figure this out now

I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST REALLY HAPPY TO BE IN VANCOUVER 😭

~

“Babe,” Jared says. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Bryce says. “I’m not doing anything. Go back to sleep.”

“It’s the middle of the night,” Jared groans, slinging an arm over Bryce’s hip as he buries his face in Bryce’s good shoulder. Bryce’s hand comes up to absently pet his hair, and Jared falls back asleep that way, Bryce’s fingers carding through his hair as he scrolls through god knows what with his other hand.

~

On AO3:

Tags: Bryce Marcus Matheson/Jared Marcus Matheson/Julius Halla, I was really tempted to put Julius Halla Matheson but I think that’s enough chaos for right now, this is how I’m coping as a Hallason shipper, with OT3s, and threesomes, au just in that erin matheson doesn’t exist, sry erin it’s not personal

Tags: Bryce Marcus/Jared Matheson, no plot just vibes, soft shit, I literally just got here but, Bryce Marcus is a bottom you cowards,

Archive Warnings: Underage

Tags: Bryce Marcus/Jared Matheson, Rafael Sanchez, Just like the regular level of underage jared was when he met bryce nothing sketchy, or sketchier than reality lol, meet cute, my hc of how they met,

~

“If this is about Jared I’m hanging up on you,” Stephen says as he picks up his phone.

“You knew, didn’t you!” Beth says.

Stephen hangs up the phone, and puts it back on the table, face down.

It, of course, immediately vibrates. Gabe looks at it, then at Stephen.

“Don’t give me that look,” Stephen says.

Gabe continues to blink mildly as it goes to voicemail, then starts to vibrate again.

“You talk to her then,” Stephen says.

“Hi Beth,” Gabe says. “How are you? Yes, I did know who my linemate was married to. No, I didn’t think to tell you. Well, because I’m not sure how it’s relevant to you, Elisabeth.”

Stephen smirks at Gabe as his face grows continually wearier. His fault for not just hanging up — it may be mercenary, but it means Stephen doesn’t have to listen to whatever Beth’s telling Gabe.

“Let me give you Stephen,” Gabe says.

Sometimes Stephen forgets that Gabe has spent a little too much time around him for his own good.

‘Fuck you’, Stephen mouths, but Gabe just smiles and continues to hold his phone out.

~

On tumblr:

The Bryce Marcus/Jared Matheson tag has doubled in the last 36 hours. You guys okay?

Can’t sleep gotta write fic.

I think I speak for all of us when I say, from the bottom of my heart: no.

But like in a good way!

Where my Julius/Jared shippers at? How y’all doing?

Well we found out Jared Matheson is actually gay and married to a man literally from the lips of Julius Halla…in the context of telling us he’s married to a completely different dude and also now I’m legitimately worried about their friendship since he just outed his bestie so idk you tell me.

This.

Do we change it to ‘Jared Marcus Matheson/Bryce Marcus Matheson’ or Jared Matheson/Bryce Marcus’ or is it chaos or —

The AO3 tag wranglers have been by and they’ll all redirect to ‘Jared Matheson’ and ‘Bryce Marcus’ so don’t worry.

But why isn’t it redirecting to ‘Marcus Matheson’?

Show us the papers and we’ll do it. Legal name change documentation please.

You have all been shoving these definition of Average Dude hockey players in my face all ‘look at this beautiful man’ and none of you showed me Jared Matheson, Actually Beautiful Man? What is the MATTER with you people.

You have been in the wrong corner of hockey fandom trust me. his beauty was Known

east coast bias even in hockey rpf smh

Want some fic recs?      OBVIOUSLY.

Hey remember a few years back when we all made fun of Bryce Marcus for not knowing his own initials judging by that JBM necklace? Wikipedia says Jared’s middle name is Bradley

JARED’S MIDDLE NAME IS BRADLEY!!!!!!!

I would like to submit a formal apology to Bryce Marcus who a) can spell b) is the most romantic man alive and c) has clearly been TRYING to get caught this whole time.

[gennyanydots]

I had to let go of you just to get a hold of myself part 6

Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x f!reader

I had to let you go just to get a hold of myself masterlist

It’s been two months since Jake and you had started therapy together. Today was about to be your fifth session but it was going to be a different sort of session. Counseling has been going well. It’s been a lot of ups and downs. Some days were harder than others but you feel like the two of you have made a lot of progress.

Five weeks ago Jake almost made you break down crying when he told you his memory.

“So, Jake would you like to share your memory first?” Dr. Jackson asks.

Jake shrugs, “Sure, I guess. So I thought about this for a while and I kept coming up with the same memory which is technically not a specific memory but just every morning I ever had with my wife. Umm I’m a morning person, Y/N isn’t. She’s more of a night owl. I would always wake up before her and just watch her sleeping. Not in a creepy way or anything I just liked watching her. She’s the most beautiful woman in the world and being able to wake up next to her was my favorite part of the day. Sometimes I would trace her features with my fingers or kiss her nose. She would always scrunch her nose in this adorable way and it made me laugh every time. She sighs sometimes in her sleep and it was my favorite noise. If it was a colder morning sometimes I would wake up to her trying to burrow into my chest and I would just wrap my arms around her to keep her warm. I umm think that, that’s why I’ve been having a hard time waking up lately. I miss that. A lot. Sleeping is hard. Waking up is harder.”

Jake wasn’t looking at you but you could tell her had tears in his eyes. You know you have a tear or two running down your face.

“Y/N, are you alright?” Dr. Jackson asks and you nod and wipe your eyes.

“I’m fine! I’m good!” You say nodding.

Dr. Jackson nods, “Would you like to share yours now, Y/N?”

You nod, “My favorite memory is probably the week after we got married and listening to Jake tell everyone at church about his new wife. He had this grin on his face and mentioned it anytime he could. I remember standing with his mama as his father and him were chatting with a neighbor and I counted Jake calling me his wife five times in the two minute conversation. I swear he was just saying it to say it.”

Jake chuckles and smiles, “I wanted everyone to know.”

You nod and laugh, “Everyone definitely knew by the time we left.”

You were glad for that homework. Other ones hadn’t been as nice.

One of them was setting aside five minutes to look into each other’s eyes. That was about as awkward as it sounds. Especially through a computer screen.

Today was the day you were going to see him in person. With Thanksgiving coming up you had talked with Dr. Jackson about asking Jake to come visit. He thought it was a good idea but to make sure the whole family is understanding of what you two are working on. You made sure everyone understood. His parents were supportive, they just wanted you both to be happy. Lauren was on board with it. Catherine and Jared were a little harder to convince. Jared made sure to tell you that if Jake even puts a toe out of line that he’s knocking him on his ass. Catherine said she would be on her best behavior as long as Jake was on his.

You were picking Jake up from the airport. You had decided that staying in your apartment would work since you had a spare bedroom. Jake had told you if you needed space or wanted him to stay with his parents he would be happy to leave and it wouldn’t hurt his feelings at all. You appreciated that.

Since today would be the first time seeing each other Dr. Jackson wanted to do a check in with the two of you in a couple of hours to make sure everything was okay.

You were nervous as you parked your truck. First because airports are the absolute worst. No matter how many signs they put up you never know where you’re going. And second because of Jake but first is definitely the being lost thing.

You eventually figure out where baggage claim is and find a seat near there. Jake’s flight should get in soon but then it’ll take a while for everyone to get off and then you’ll have to wait for his baggage so sitting down seemed like a good choice to you.

Ten or so minutes go by and you get a text from Jake saying he landed. You feel you’re heart beat start to race. You’re not going to throw up. You’re not. You can do this. It’s just Jake. It’s just your husband. You take some deep breaths and your heart starts to slow down. You got this. It’ll be okay.

You quickly text him back where you are and then text the family chat (minus Jake) that Jake’s plane just landed. Catherine texts you out of the group and says Jared is waiting to kick his ass if need be. You send back the eye roll emoji. She then tells you Jamie’s ready to go too. You text back ‘Not Auntie’s sweet baby boy. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.’

You hear your name being called and you look up. Jake. He’s here. You quickly stand up and straighten out your clothes and he starts to walks over with a grin on his face.

“Hey Jake,” you say smiling and wave at him.

“Hey Y/N,” Jake says and waves back then puts both his hands on his backpack straps. He stands in front of you and fidgets on his feet a little bit nervously. “Is it weird for you, too? Because this feels weird.”

You laugh, “When you texted me you landed I was pretty sure I was gonna throw up.”

“Oh jeez! Please don’t do that!” He says with a laugh. “I was really anxious though getting on the plane.”

“Jake Seresin getting anxious on a plane? Pretty sure you have to report that to an admiral or something,” you say.

“I don’t think the plane was the cause of my anxiety, babe,” he says with a chuckle then stops and shakes his head. “I mean Y/N. Sorry. Habit.”

“It’s okay,” you say with a smile. “I don’t mind.”

“Cool,” Jake says with a smile. “So like do we hug? Should we shake hands? Do we pretend we haven’t been married for like 16 years?”

“Holy shit we’ve been married for 16 years?” You say amazed.

“Yeah. Time really flies when you’re a shitty husband,” Jake says with a shrug and a laugh.

“You’re not a shitty husband,” you say and put a hand on his.

“I am. I admit it. I’m working on it,” he says and let’s go of his backpack and holds your hand.

“You are. You even took initiative to fix things,” you say and squeeze his hand.

He nods, “God I missed you. I’m the biggest dumbass in the world.”

“You are,” you say with a giggle. “But you’re getting smarter.”

“I’m trying, babe. I’m trying,” he says and links your fingers together.

The baggage carousel buzzes and starts moving and Jake pulls you along with him to look for his bag. As you stand together your other hand holds his arm, keeping you close to Jake. You close your eyes and breathe in his smell. You missed him. Despite everything he put you through, you missed him. This was going to be hard. You only have a week with him. You know it won’t be enough.

Jake sees his bag and leans forward and grabs it then looks down at you, “I’m all set.”

You nod and start leading him to where you parked your truck. When you get there you unlock it for him to get in.

“You got a truck?” He asks with a grin.

“Yeah well I missed yours and my car finally gave out so I got this,” you say and get in the driver side.

“You could have just used mine,” Jake said after putting his bag in the back seat and gets in.

“I couldn’t,” you said starting the truck. “Would have hurt too bad.”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Jake says hanging his head. “I told you. I’m the worst husband.”

You reach over and grab his hand, “You were. We’re working on it though.”

He nods, “Tim and I talked about me telling you what I started going to therapy first for. It’s what started this whole being the worst husband thing.”

“I would like that. Maybe let’s do that at home and not in a parking garage,” you say trying to make the situation a little lighter.

Jake chuckles and nods.

You drive home after grabbing some fast food to eat in your apartment. When you get there, Jake grabs his bags and you bring him to your apartment and unlock the door.

You open the door, “Just as a warning just ignore Pumpkin until she comes to you.”

He walks in and looks at you funny, “Who is Pumpkin?”

You smile and point at a calico cat who walks into the living room cautiously seeing someone else with you.

“Oh!” Jake says and sets down his bags. “You have a cat.”

“She’s really nice and loves people,” you say and walk over to the cat and pick her up.

“I’m glad she loves people,” he says with a smile and looks over at you both.

You put her down and she walks over to Jake and sniffs him. He looks down at her but doesn’t move. She sits and his feet and rubs her face on his leg.

You smile, “She likes you!”

He grins, “If only it was that easy with everyone.”

You laugh, “Do you want to put your stuff in the spare room?”

He nods and grabs his stuff.

You lead him to the room and point inside, “This is your room.” You point to the room next to it, “This is the bathroom.” Then point to the next door, “And this is my room. Well Pumpkin’s room. She just lets me stay there.” You giggle.

Jake chuckles, “She deserves to have a whole room. She’s a queen obviously.”

“You tryin’ to get on her good side?” You ask.

“I’m trying to get on her good side and her mama’s,” he says with a grin and walks into the spare room.

Part 7

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

More Than Words

Summary: The reader and her boyfriend Jensen have been together for years but she feels him slipping away when the physical distance between them starts affecting their relationship. She decides to end things for both their sakes when she feels him stop caring and tries to move on with her life. But an afternoon get together is going to change hers forever and she now has to figure out what that means for both her and Jensen...

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Word Count: 8,900ish

Warnings: language, angst, life in the time of coronavirus, panic attacks, break up, head injury, loss of hearing, fluff

A/N: This wasn’t how I set out for this fic to go but I love the way it turned out. Enjoy!

______

“Hey,” said Jared, throwing an empty water bottle near you. You looked up from your phone, Jared frowning at you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you said, shoving your phone in your pocket. You sat back in your lawn chair, biting your bottom lip as one of the kids started crying and Gen got up to go investigate.

“Y/N. I asked what’s wrong,” he said.

“Jared-”

“I said what’s wrong.”

“I haven’t talked to Jensen in like...he’s busy filming. I’m stupid is all,” you said. He rolled his eyes and you slumped further down into your seat. You felt him staring at you and felt the bubbling in your chest start to become too much. “Stop looking at me.”

“You know I’ve never seen you cry outside of a scene before. I’ve known you three years.”

“Oh boo hoo. Some people don’t cry all the time you know.” You stood up and were about to grab your chair to toss in the car and drive home with when it hit you. Your back was to him and you heard him stand, your stomach dropping. “I’m so sorry I said that. I can’t believe I said that.”

“Y/N,” said Jared as the bubbling in your chest popped open. You took a breath but it felt too small, not enough air in your lungs. You took another quickly and there still wasn’t enough. Jared said you down on the ground by the time you realized you weren’t breathing right. He was talking but you just felt icy cold veins pumping through you and a pounding in your ears.

You weren’t looking when a bag got shoved over your mouth and he plugged your nose. Your eyes flashed open as you took deep breaths, your breath slowly evening out. He moved his hand from your nose and ran it over your head, saying something to you.

“What?” you croaked out, exhausted and trying to get your bearings back.

“Sweetheart you had a panic attack,” he said. “Has that ever happened before?”

“No,” you said. You shut your eyes again, Jared putting the bag back up as you breathed slowly again. He pulled it away after a moment, rubbing his hand up and down your back. 

“Gen put the kids to bed. I’m gonna carry you up to the guest room, you crash here tonight,” he said.

“You shouldn’t even be this close to me,” you said.

“Our socially distant backyard get together is done. I know you’re safe and you never leave the house. I don’t want you alone tonight. We can go back to your place and I can stay on the couch if you feel better with that,” he said. 

“There’s no way I talk you out of this, is there,” you sighed.

“Nope,” he smiled. 

“I’m okay staying here,” you said. “This is technically a kidnapping you know.”

“Yeah but I’m gonna take care of you so at least I’m a nice one,” he chuckled. “You feel like you can stand up?”

“I think so.” He smiled and wrapped his arms around you, picking you up like you were nothing. You hung onto him and rested your chin on his shoulder, squeezing your eyes shut. “I’m so embarrassed.”

“Why? You’re hurting. Nothing to be embarrassed about,” he said. He didn’t ask anything else as he brought you inside. You knew he was gonna talk and ask you a lot of questions you didn’t want to answer. Lately you’d felt like crap but it’d only gotten worse and worse. It had nothing to do with Jared though and you had to insult him on top of it.

“I’m sorry I said that crack about crying.” He shushed you and carried you up to a guest room away from the other bedrooms, setting you down on the mattress. “I’m-”

“You apologized already and I forgive you,” he said. He knelt down and you stared at your lap. “I think we got some of your and Jensen’s clothes from last time you guys stayed the night. Want me to go find it, more comfy than jeans?”

“Okay,” you nodded. He moved away but was back quickly, a pair of your sweatpants laid down on the bed beside you and one of Jensen’s shirts. 

“I’ll give you a minute to change.”

He was back in five, Jared making a face when he saw you’d tossed Jensen’s shirt in the pile with your clothes on the floor. You lay down on the bed and put your back to him, grateful that Jared simply sat on the bed behind you.

“You guys have a fight?” he asked.

“No.”

“Do you not love him anymore?”

“No, Jared.”

“Why aren’t you wearing his shirt then?” he asked. You sniffled and he reached an arm over you, setting a box of tissues nearby. You took one and blew your nose, Jared running his hand over your head. “You gotta talk to me, Y/N. It doesn’t have to be right now but I’m gonna stay here all night and you talk when you’re ready.”

“I can’t do it.”

“Do what?”

“His life. I can’t do it anymore.”

“Sweetie, I’m not following,” said Jared. You reached up and grabbed his hand, holding it to your chest for a few minutes. 

“How’s it going?” asked Gen as you heard him come in. She sat on the bed near Jared and you shut your eyes. “You guys break up?”

“No. Not quite sure what it is yet,” said Jared. Gen touched your leg and you turned your head towards her, getting a smile from her.

“I understand,” she said. You nodded and lay your head back down. A small shake left your body and you felt Jared tense up. “Jared, you’ve never been on this end of it, the waiting end.”

“End of what?”

“The long distance relationship. It gets rough being apart,” she said. 

“Yeah but...these guys have been together for years,” said Jared.

“Yeah and he’s thousands of miles away and she can’t see him in person at all because of all the travel restrictions,” said Gen. “They’ve never done that. We have but not to this extent and you know it’s different, you know that.”

“Y/N, you could always…” trailed off Jared.

“I have work on your show,” you said. “All of his new plans...his life moves a thousand miles an hour. He travels all the time. I like quiet lazy days at home and he’s always going. I think I was convenient.”

“Convenient?” scoffed Jared and you dropped his hand, scooting farther away. “I’m sorry. I know how much he loves you is all. You’re not convenient.”

“I was Dean’s love interest. We lived in the same apartment building. We had the same schedule. I was there, all the time. I haven’t spoken to him in three days. Not real talk. Just small talk. Just casual. He doesn’t ask about me at all. It’s dying. I can feel it. I can’t keep up now and he’s got more music, a brewery, he’s got his own production company now to develop stuff on top of acting and cons. I can’t keep up when he’s away filming, just filming. I get barely any time as it is in a day. It’s selfish but I want my boyfriend back. But he’s not coming back. It’s gone and I can’t deal with being alone. He did nothing wrong. It’s why it’s…”

“Jared, go,” said Gen softly. “Don’t say a word of this to Jensen. He needs to hear it from her.”

“He does love you,” said Jared.

“I know. It’s why it sucks,” you said. He left and Gen lay down next to you, giving you a hug. “How do I make it work?”

“You both gotta work for it. I see you checking your phone all the time, the way you talk about him lately. You want his attention. Sometimes you gotta take a backseat, I get it. Sometimes, everything else has to take a backseat to you. If he doesn’t make the effort, if he doesn’t put you in that front seat when you tell him you need it, I’m sorry sweetie but I don’t know how it works without you feeling like this all the time.”

“Maybe I should call my agent and cancel on Walker. I could move up there with him.”

“You’re gonna ruin the reputation you built up with a network over the past five years? Honey, do whatever you got to for love but following him around the world isn’t going to get him to give you the attention you deserve.”

“It could,” you said.

“What about that idea for a show you had? Are you just going to abandon your whole career for his? You’re not stepping away because of kids or family...you can come back from that easy. If you say no, start backing out of contracts…”

“But what if I tried harder. It’s only been a few months. I’m...I just gotta try harder. I can...I can get his schedule from work and-and call on breaks or I could…” you said as she sat up behind you. You sighed and sat up, Gen giving you a sad smile. “You made it work. I want it to work.”

“We moved fast. I was with him always up until the kids. They made it easier. He checked in everyday, no matter how tired or busy. You’ve been fraying. Jared and I both see it. Other people do. The only person who doesn’t is him and he’s the one who’s supposed to notice it first. I love him like a brother but your happiness is not second to his and his goals. You gotta decide what that means. I think you already made up your mind too.”

“I thought I was gonna end up with him,” you said. You took a deep breath and nodded. “You ever wish you were like, naive? Like you didn’t have any goals for yourself? If I didn’t, it’d all be fine.”

“No, then you’d have a whole bunch of other problems. If you decide to go that route of ending it, do it in person. You both deserve that,” she said.

“He has to fly to LA over the weekend for a few days. Um, if he, if he throws me out of his house-”

“He won’t-”

“Yeah but he’s gonna be mad. If he does that…” you swallowed.

“You can stay here as long as you need to. Always.”

“Thanks, Gen.”

Five Days Later

“Well hey good looking,” said Jensen when you knocked on his hotel room door. He was ready to check out and fly back to Canada. A part of you thought you shouldn’t say a thing, it was cruel to force him to fly back on a plane full of strangers when you were about to break his heart. “Y/N.”

He pulled you into the room and you stared up at him, Jensen swallowing thickly.

“You know what I’m gonna say, don’t you.”

“Yeah,” he breathed out. “I figured when you said you were gonna fly all the way out here just to talk in person.”

“I love you. I’m always gonna love you.”

“I love you too. Can I, can I know who he is?”

“What?” you asked, srucnhing up your face.

“Y/N, I get it. I’m away a lot. I don’t think either one of us is very good at the long distance thing to be honest,” he said. “I’m not mad, honey. I just want you to be happy.”

“There is no guy, Jensen,” you said. You scowled and he let out a small chuckle.

“Well there’s got to be a guy,” he said. “Why else would you want to break up with me? I understand it’s hard right now but we’re fine. If you met a guy, I’m really not mad, I swear. I’d totally rather end things than we go behind one another’s backs.”

“Excuse me?” you said. “You don’t talk to me anymore. That’s why I want to break up, asshole.”

“Don’t call me an asshole,” he shot back. “I saw the pictures on your instagram of you and that guy.”

“He’s from Warner Brothers. He’s our boss. I was talking to him about my show idea,” you said. 

“You two looked a little friendly,” he said.

“I did my first fucking show with him when we were both eighteen. We...what the fuck is going on? Do you think I’m cheating on you?”

“No, I didn’t say that. I’m only saying if you want to be with someone else, breaking up with your current boyfriend is the right thing to do,” he said. 

“What the fuck happened to you, you self abosrded ass,” you said, running your hands through your hair. “What the fuck? I’m sad. I miss you. I cry most nights cause you don’t ask a single thing about me anymore. You’re so busy and I don’t fit in your life. That’s why I want to break up. We’re done. Find some pretty little actress or model that doesn’t give a shit about herself and you’ll be just fine with your wonderful fucking life.”

“Fuck you,” he said, his jaw clenched and eyes narrowed. “Fuck you. I’ve been working so hard for us. For our future and our family. If you can’t see that, fuck you.”

“You haven’t initiated one single conversation with me in months. I always have to call, text, facetime, whatever. All you had to do was pick up the phone you arrogant prick.”

There was a knock at the door and you scowled, Jensen opening it to reveal a very beautiful blonde around your age. You recognized her as a character on his show and she smiled at him.

“Ready for the airport, Jay?” she asked, a carry on by her side. She turned to you and was about to say hi when she say your face. “Oh. Sorry. I’ll just...be in the lobby.”

“Thanks,” he said. He shut the door and went to his bed, throwing his bag over his shoulders. “I know you’re thinking it. Just say it.”

“I’m actually not. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me. I know you’re a nice person and you’re probably friends with her. I have no problem with you being friends with attractive women. The only problem I have is that I somehow wound up as the least important thing in your life.”

“You are so wrong about that you don’t even know,” he said. He brushed past you and paused at the door. “I’ll be back home in about a month. Stay at the house however long you need but please be gone by the time I get back.”

“Fine. I want it back,” you said as he started to walk away. “I want it back, Jensen.”

He reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet. He opened it up and took out a small square of paper that had been folded up in there for nearly three years.

“I want mine back. You can leave it at the house,” he said as he held it out.

“You don’t want to miss your flight,” you said as you shoved it in your pocket.

“I hope the next guy makes you happier than I did,” he said.

“Me too, Jensen. Me too.”

Two Months Later

“How you holding up?” asked Gen as you knocked back the last of your wine. You were sat in your lawn chair, watching Jensen and his new girlfriend swim around in Jared and Gen’s pool. “Y/N.”

“I need more wine,” you said, holding out your glass.

“No, you don’t,” said Jared as he walked past and stole it from you. “You drank practically a whole bottle and I don’t want you puking.”

“Who cares,” you said as you shut your eyes and leaned your head back.

“Well I think-” was the last thing you heard before a skull crashing thud happened, a soft warm pain drizzling over your head. You blinked open your eyes, on the ground now and seeing a baseball nearby. Feet walked in front of you but no one moved you, Jensen’s face lowering down in front of yours. He said something but you didn’t hear him, his face full of worry as he looked up. 

You shut your eyes as you saw the red covering the baseball, a thin line of something sticky flowing down your cheek.

You woke up to a dark room, turning your head and finding Jensen sat in a chair, knee bouncing like crazy. You looked up and saw some monitors, surprised when Jensen was suddenly right there in his seat and squeezing your hand. He smiled and said something but you didn’t hear it. You touched the side of your head, feeling the wad of bandages by your right ear. There were some covering your left as well and you swallowed.

“I can’t hear you,” you said. He nodded and reached towards the end of the bed, grabbing a white board and marker. He wrote something down and paused, waiting to show it to you. You squeezed his wrist and he spun it around.

“You’re deaf,” he said, lips moving as you read the board.

“Forever?” you asked. He swallowed and erased the board, writing down again.

“They don’t know,” he said. “Depends.”

You touched your head again and he put the board down, wrapping you up in a hug. You clung onto him, Jensen kissing your temple. 

“What happened?” you asked. He sat back and picked up the board, writing for awhile before spinning it around.

“Jared’s neighbor had a batting machine in his yard with no safety net behind. They were going very fast. He was setting it up and a ball came over the fence at full speed, hit you in the right side of your head.”

“How fast?”

“If you weren’t so thick headed, you’d be dead,” he said. He forced a smile and you nodded. “You should be. You’re very lucky.”

“Yeah, I’m so lucky,” you said. It could have been a lot worse. A lot worse. You knew that. You sniffled but didn’t hear it, his head turning towards the monitor as your heart rate sped up. You shut your eyes and felt him cup your face. He wiped away the tears that were starting to fall and you tried pulling away but he kept his hands in place. You opened your eyes, trying to give him a hard glare to go away but he just looked back and smiled. His lips moved and you shook your head. He shook his again and kept your head facing him.

He pointed at his eye and moved his lips. You scrunched up your face but he did it again, pointing at his eye and moving his mouth.

“I?” you asked and he nodded. “This is the worst game of charades ever you realize.”

He chuckled but you couldn’t hear his laugh. You frowned but he put your hand on his chest quickly. You couldn’t hear it but you felt the rumble from his laughter. He was trying so hard to make you feel normal.

“Keep going,” you said. He smiled and pointed at his eye again and said another word. “I…”

He pointed at his eye and then his chest and then your own. He spoke again and you smiled.

“I love you,” you said. He nodded and you dropped your forehead on his shoulder. “You have a girlfriend, Jensen. You shouldn’t be here.”

He shook his head and picked up the board. 

“Just a friend. I was sad after you. She was just a friend there for me. No one since you,” he said. He wrote some more and spun it around. “I’m here for you. Always.”

“We broke up. You have work. You-” he said as he shook his head.

“Fuck work. Fuck all of it. You’re most important.”

“Jensen you have your production company and-” you said before he opened his mouth and said something quickly. He wrote it down and frowned.

“No. You’re most important. I thought you died. Don’t do that to me.”

You nodded and he wrote again.

“I want my letter back.”

“We’re not together, Jensen,” you breathed out.

“I want my letter back,” he said, tapping the board before he wrote more. “Want you back. Let me be better. You can get rid of me if I fuck up. Please.”

“I’m only saying yes cause I’m really scared right now and I want you to fix it,” you said, voice cracking. “Okay?”

He smiled wide and nodded, giving you a kiss. He hugged you and you let him hold you for a long time, a doctor eventually coming inside.

Four days later and you were released from the ICU to go home, everyone deciding you’d be better off going back to Jensen’s house. Most of your things were still packed away in the Padalecki’s garage so it wasn’t too much effort for them to move them.

You were still not used to a lack of noise in your life. You assumed your ear drum had been shattered as had the doctors at first but your inability to hear from your left ear was curious to them. After a whole bunch of tests and a minor exploratory surgery, your ears were actually okay they discovered. There was a swelling around a nerve they believed to be responsible for allowing your brain to interpret sound. You could hear, your brain just didn’t know it they said.

They also didn’t know if they could fix it and wanted to wait a few weeks for the swelling and bruising in your head area to go away before they did anymore tests. Jensen wasn’t thrilled on the idea of potential brain surgery either so for now it was going to be a waiting game. It could come back fully on it’s own. You might need surgery. You might never hear again even with an operation. 

You knew eventually you’d be okay, even if it was permanent but for the moment, you had other things to think about, rebuilding your relationship with Jensen for one. 

You’d been home for about five hours and he was still running around like a maniac, waiting on you hand and foot. He’d never left your side at the hospital and knew was going to burn out fast just like you had if you didn’t say something.

“Jensen?” you called from where you sat watching TV, grateful for the invention of closed captioning. You turned your head and he rushed out from the kitchen. He picked up the board from the table and you shook your head. “You need to listen right now. Not talk.”

He nodded and sat down on the couch, forcing a smile.

“Jensen, I’m deaf right now, maybe forever. I’m still learning and I know some things are a little dangerous for me right now until I get a handle on it. But you gotta slow down and take time for you. I can’t be your entire life. You need to be taken care of too. It’s why I broke up with you. I felt neglected and like I wasn’t important anymore. I don’t want you to feel like that. You can help me, you can always help me. But I’m not helpless. If we’re gonna try again, we’re doing it right,” you said.

He nodded and you smiled. His shoulders sagged and you saw him speak as he tilted his head down. You poked his knee and he looked up.

“I didn’t catch that,” you said. He shut his eyes and looked like he was laughing before he was running his hand over his face. His lips moved quickly. You didn’t catch a word but saw the look on his face and knew he was upset. He punched his leg and talked some more before he stood up. “Hey. Sit your ass down.”

He said something and you scowled, Jensen returning it, his eyes looking wet.

“I don’t know what you’re saying right now but I have a good idea. This isn’t your fucking fault. It was a freak accident. I promise. Let’s go lay down, okay? We’ll lay down like we used to when one of us was having a bad day,” you said. He stared at you and you took his hands in your own. “Please let me take care of you for thirty minutes. You can have the rest of the day back but thirty minutes is all I’m asking for.”

He nodded and you led him upstairs to the master. The room looked the same as you’d left it aside from your nightstand being empty. You sat down on the bed and pulled him down with you, eventually settling in the middle of the bed. He curled into your side and you played with his hair. He mumbled something, you felt it in his chest pressed against you. 

It hit you that you might never hear his voice again and you swallowed. Now was his time and he needed it. You could freak out later if you needed to.

You woke up to Jensen nudging your leg. He smiled and tugged you into the bathroom. There was a board in there and held it up.

“Bandage change time,” he said. You nodded and sat down at the vanity stool while he got out the bag of bandages the hospital sent him home with. He stood on your right side as he undid the bandage around your forehead. Something seemed off the more he peeled back though.

“What…” you said, staring at yourself in the mirror when the last bandage fell away. You touched the side of your head and the back, tracing gently over the large stitch there. “Half my hair is gone.”

Part of your ear looked black along with some skin near your jaw, probably the bruising from the hit. Jensen knelt down but you pushed him away.

“I look like…” you said, biting your bottom lip. He pursed his own before you saw a smile on his face. He mouthed something before he stood and went to his vanity. He plucked the razor out of the drawer and turned it on. “What are you doing?”

“Trust me?” he wrote down. 

“Alright,” you said. You shut your eyes and felt the gentle tug against your skin. He worked for a moment before he turned it off. He smiled down at you and moved your hair, turning you towards the mirror. He’d cleaned up the shaved area and fixed your part, brushing the hair over the side so it looked more like a purposefully done edgy cut. 

“You look perfect,” he wrote, smiling back at you.

“Thanks,” you said. He picked up some gauze and started wrapping up your cut again, gently tucking in the end when he finished. “Funny isn’t it. We broke up because we had trouble communicating, making time in our busy lives. Fate just had to twist the knife a little more, didn’t she.”

He pulled you to your feet and hugged you. You nuzzled into him for a moment before you sighed.

“I don’t wanna forget your voice,” you said. He ran his hand over your head and you held him tighter. “I miss it. I just want to hear you say we’re gonna be okay again and this right now isn’t just a fluke cause you feel sorry for me.”

He stepped back and cupped your cheeks.

“I love you,” he said and you smiled. 

“What if it’s not enough though? At some point you’re gonna have to go back to work,” you said. “And I don’t want to be clingy. I don’t. I just-”

He kissed you before shaking his head. He pointed at his eye, shook his head and then rubbed his palm against his eye.

“Just write it down,” you sighed. He shook his head and repeated the motions. “I don’t know what you’re saying, Jensen. Just write it down.”

He did it again and again and you stomped your foot. 

“I don’t understand. I what? You did what?” you snapped. “What exactly didn’t you do?”

He shook his head and grabbed your palm. He drew a “D” and an “I” followed by another “D” and shook his head.

“I didn’t…” you trailed off as he drew a “T” and a few more letters. “Try. I didn’t try enough.”

He placed your palm against his chest and took a deep breath. He spoke again and squeezed your hand.

“If we’re apart, that’s when it went to shit. We both have to put in the effort, no matter how tired or whatever we are. Promise?” you asked. 

“Yes,” he said with a nod. 

“Good. Cause I really need you right now,” you said. He kissed you and picked you up, carrying you downstairs. He brought you out to the balcony there and sat down in a chair with you. You turned so your back was against him, picking up on a quiet rumbling. You glanced up and saw he was singing. You went to sit up but he pulled you back to his chest. You couldn’t hear him but you could feel the reverberations through his body into yours. 

“You always sing to make me feel better,” you said. You snuggled back into him and nodded. “I can feel you, Jay.”

Lips kissed the top of your head before the rumbling continued and you shut your eyes, trying to guess what song it was he was singing. Whatever it was, you were very grateful for it.

Two Weeks Later

“Ugh,” you groaned as you felt a buzzing on your wrist. You sat up, smacking your new alarm clock off and took off the wrist bracelet, setting it on the nightstand. You still weren’t sure about it and were flipping back and forth with using just the bed shaker option. Jensen didn’t mind either way but it was slowly becoming more and more apparent at how much even little things in your life had to change. You ran a hand through your hair with a sigh as Jensen walked in sweaty in some workout clothes. 

“Good morning,” he signed with his hands and you raised an eyebrow. “Morning?”

“Sorry. Still waking up. Morning,” you yawned. You stretched and watched him pop into the bathroom. There was a text on your phone from Jared and you smiled. At least that still felt as normal as ever.

How’s it going today?

Just woke up to a very sweaty and sexy looking Jensen.

You giggled and he responded with a puking emoji before more typing came up.

Thank you for that mental image. We’re having burgers for lunch if you guys want to come over for a swim. I promise no brushes with death this time.

“Jensen. You want to go to the Pads for lunch?” you called out. He stuck a thumbs up out the bathroom door and you smiled. “Okay, sounds good.”

You texted that you’d be over later before you got up and headed into the bathroom. Jensen was in the shower and he gave you a smile when he turned around to get his hair wet. You brushed your teeth and combed your hair, throwing it up in a bun. You washed your face and smiled in the mirror. You wanted to have a good day. Every day the past two weeks had seemed to have some kind of moment where it all hit you too much too fast and you ended up crying in Jensen’s arms.

You didn’t have brain damage. You could walk, talk and do anything you could before. You just couldn’t hear was all. It could have been so much worse and you were lucky it hadn’t gone that way. Jensen stepped out of the shower and dried himself off, smirking when he caught you staring. It turned softer though as he saw you weren’t checking him out really.

“Okay?” he signed with one hand and you nodded.

“Do you think we would have gotten back together if there was no accident?” you asked. He tucked his towel in and grabbed the white board. You were both only just starting to get a few introductory phrases with signing and while your charade skills had gotten better, most of the time it was easier to be patient and let him write or type out what he wanted to say.

“Yes,” he’d written down. “It would have taken longer and been more of a long slow pain than the fast sharp pain that happened but yes. I want you. Forever. I’m sorry I didn’t try more back then and left it all up to you. It wasn’t fair. I’ll be better this time. I swear on my life I will.”

“I think we would have come back to each other too,” you said. He smiled and set his board aside. “You know, you haven’t talked to me about the accident, about how you felt and what happened. I’d...I’d like to know maybe later on if that’s okay.”

He picked up the board and wrote down some things.

“I got scared. I missed you and that made it worse. I had a panic attack,” he said as your mouth opened.

“You had a panic attack?” you asked and he nodded. “So did I. A few days before I went to LA. I...I was so scared of losing you. I thought I couldn’t keep up with your life.”

He held up three fingers and you cocked your head. 

“Three panic attacks?” you asked. He nodded and he shrugged. “At the hospital?”

“Hospital,” he wrote down on his board. “First day home. Last night after you went to bed.”

“But…” you said and he shut his eyes as he wrote.

“You don’t hear me have them,” he said. “You don’t notice if I get out of bed.”

“You wake me up. You wake me up. That is part of us communicating. Me being there for you.”

“Too much to put on you right now,” he wrote. 

“I’m deaf. I ain’t fucking dead,” you said. “You get me the next time it happens. I want to talk about this more too. I want us to figure out why it’s still happening and you feel like this. I can understand at the hospital. But it’s been almost three weeks. We gotta make sure you’re okay too.”

“Okay,” he signed. “Later?” he wrote down.

“Okay. We can deal with it later. If you feel it coming on though just let me know, okay?” 

He nodded and you gave him a smile.

“Come on. Finish getting dressed and I’ll make us some breakfast, Jay.”

It didn’t take very long into lunch for you to get that pit in your stomach again. Jensen was chatting up a storm with Jared and Gen. You’d already excused yourself to the bathroom and took some time to munch on the snacks that were out. You watched the kids swim in the pool until you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned and all three were looking at you.

“How’d your show pitch go?” Jared had written down on a whiteboard. 

“Oh. Okay I think. They sent a follow up email a few days ago to check in on how I was doing. I got the vibe they thought I was developing it with Jensen through the company. They told me to take my time but it sounds like they want to move forward, probably on a streaming service.”

He said something and you forced a smile, Jared quickly realizing and writing down again.

“That’s awesome!” it said and you nodded.

“Yeah. I’m gonna go hang in the pool a bit I think,” you said. You got up and pulled off your shirt and shorts, sliding into the deep end and submerging yourself. It felt nice in the warm air to cool off. Your head popped up and you watched the kids play in the shallow end. You jumped when the water shifted beside you and Jensen was there suddenly. You took a deep breath and relaxed, following his lead when he tugged your hand. He started to swim and play, lightly splashing you. You spun around and were met with a face full of water. You coughed as you saw Jared pop up, Jensen wrapping an arm around you. You spit out the water in your mouth and swam over to the side, resting your head against the cool cement. You hoisted yourself up and out before you picked up your towel nearby and took a seat back at the table. 

“You okay?” asked Gen, moving a whiteboard in front of you. 

“I can’t hear the water moving or other people. It freaked me out a little. I’ll be okay,” you said. Jensen came back not long after and the boys decided to start cooking instead. Gen did her best to hold a conversation with you using the white board but eventually you just started texting one another to make it easier.

“Let’s go home after we eat,” Jensen texted you. The next thirty minutes the three of them didn’t talk much and you wished you stayed home in the first place. You wanted to shower and crawl into bed for the rest of the day.

“I’m sorry,” you said on the quick drive home. You stared out the window as Jensen held your hand, giving it a squeeze. “I thought I was ready for that but I guess it was too much.”

You didn’t look at him and tried to head inside the second you were out of the car but Jensen picked you up and walked out of the garage with you.

“Jensen what are you doing?” you asked. He carried you around to the back of the house and over towards the pool. “I don’t want to swim. It’s too-”

He walked into the pool with you and took your hand, drawing letters on it.

“Safe?” you asked and he smiled. “I don’t feel safe though in the water right now. I can’t-”

He swam over to the steps and sat you down on them, Jensen holding up a finger. He jogged out and over to the patio, grabbing something off the table and walking back over. He held up a small plastic tube and popped off the cap, dropping two small foam pieces into his hand.

“Ear plugs?” you said as he put them in. He stepped into the shallow end and sunk down a bit, holding out a hand for you. 

You knew what he was doing. You knew exactly what he was doing. He swam out further and came back, tilting his head with puppy dog eyes.

After a moment you stepped down and went to him, swimming out to the deep end with him. You went back and forth for a bit, slowly getting used to the feel of the water and how the movements made it shift. Eventually you went off on your own, mindful to be aware of where he was in the water too but you felt calmer after awhile. 

It wasn’t until your stomach was rumbling that you realized you’d spent the afternoon out there. You climbed out of the water, Jensen following after. You wrapped yourself up in a towel, Jensen still a little worried looking.

“Thank you, for going slow for me,” you said. He tilted his head and you giggled. You tapped his ear and he pulled out his earplugs. “I said thank you for today.”

“You’re welcome,” he signed back. 

“You had those in for awhile. Feel weird?” you asked. He nodded. “You get used to the quiet.”

He made a gesture like he was playing a guitar and you shrugged.

“I miss music. I miss sounds like rain or birds in the morning. I miss voices the most though. That’s the hard one to get over,” you said. “Let’s wash up. I’m getting hungry.”

Forty minutes later you were eating some pizza while Jensen glared at his phone. He scowled as he typed, setting it down before he caught your face.

“Your test yesterday had no clear signs of physical injury,” he typed on his computer. 

“Isn’t that good?” you asked with a mouthful of food.

“Yes and no,” he typed beside you. “Yes in that you’re not physically hurt from what they can tell. No in that it’s less likely your hearing comes back.”

“Oh. What else did they say?”

“They’d like to do more tests next week and possibly a more indepth exploratory surgery.”

“What’s that mean?”

“They’d have to crack open your head. They didn’t do that before. I don’t like the idea of brain surgery. It’s very dangerous,” he wrote. 

“Oh. Did, did you look up this kind of surgery?” you asked. 

“It was explained to me at the hospital by your doctors. It sounded very risky for something that probably won’t help anyways,” he said. 

“I understand,” you said. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with your panic attacks would it?”

He moved his hands away from the keyboard and picked up his pizza slice instead.

“Jensen. I’m going to call the doctor tomorrow and they can explain the surgery to the both of us. If I have hesitations, if you do, I won’t do it.”

He shook his head and you shrugged.

“S’not your head. You don’t decide how I decide.”

“But…” he started saying and you ate some more pizza.

“It’s not been that long. I want to give it more time. This is something we’re going to figure out together,” you said. “Okay?”

“Okay,” he said.

“It’ll be okay. I promise.”

Six Months Later

“Jensen,” you called as you stepped in the door from the airport. “I’m home. Guess who just sold our first show to Netflix…”

You trailed off as you walked into the kitchen to find the lights dim and the table set with candles and all. Jensen popped out from around the corner in his favorite suit of yours and walked over, holding out a light blue flower.

“What’s the special occasion? Did they call? I told them to let me surprise you,” you said. He shook his head and shrugged.

“I love you,” he said as you read his lips.

“I love you too,” you said. He dug into his pocket and held out a folded up piece of paper. “Is that the letter you wrote? The one for...if something happened to either of us?”

“No. It’s different,” he signed. You took it and unfolded the note, biting your bottom lip.

I’ve been meaning to do this for over a year. I made a mistake once and took you for granted. I forgot to talk to you. I forgot talking to you is my favorite thing in the world. I hate that the last words you ever heard me speak to you were cruel ones. I hate that I stopped trying. I hate that I made you feel so low and that I made you feel uncomfortable talking to me about how you felt in the first place.

I hate how scared you’ve been. How we had to learn everyday things over again. How so much was taken for granted. I hate that when I speak, when I tell you it’s okay and we’ll get through this, we’ll get used to our new normal, you don’t hear them. I hate how much pain there’s been in our lives the past year.

But I love watching your confidence grow every day. I love finding new ways to say I love you. I love that not only have you become the person you once were, you’re better. I love seeing you go start your own show, something you didn’t believe could ever happen a year ago. I love hearing you laugh and giggle and still find joy in the smallest things. I love learning to talk to you properly for the first time. Every slow and aggravating conversation. Every sign language class where we learn the dirty words and giggle about it to ourselves. Every way I learned that the worse thing in my life would never being able to speak to you again.

I don’t get to speak to you like we used to. When it was so easy. But it was broken. It wasn’t really talking. Or I wasn’t really talking I should say. I see the difference now. I feel the difference. It was never the fact I didn’t ask questions about you back when we broke up. I know that now. Words are easy. Showing someone without the words, that’s harder. That’s where I failed before. I don’t ever intend on failing again. 

You may never hear me tell you how much I love you again. But I know you feel it. I know I do a better job of showing it. I’ll keep saying them and you keep smiling and I’ll know you hear them. It’s not ideal but it’s how it is for us now. 

The one benefit to all of this is that you don’t hear the waiver in my voice right now. I don’t think I’ve given myself away up until now. I meant to do this a year ago but I’m glad I waited. For the first time in my life I know how to talk to you. I know how to ask this. We don’t need words. Oh and honey, if you haven’t noticed yet, look down.

You stopped reading the page and noticed him kneeling on the ground, staring up with a soft smile. 

“Yes, I will,” you said. He stood up and you smiled. “So where’s the ring?”

“Very long story,” he signed. “But it’ll be here in the morning, I promise. I’d already set all this up when I found out there was a slight hiccup with the delivery.”

“That’s okay. You’re the real prize,” you said. He threw his head back and you laughed. “Oh I could feel that groan. So what’d you make me for dinner, handsome?”

“Takeout. Another incident. Quite miraculous our house is still standing actually,” he said. “Today’s been a day.”

“A good one?” you asked. 

“Oh yeah. Best one yet. Let’s dig in while it’s hot, fiance.”

“Jensen,” you said the next morning, padding into the bathroom. He was in the shower, smirking as you stepped in with him. “Who said you were allowed out of that bed?”

He finished with his hair as you squeezed his hips. He laughed and spun you around when your hands wandered lower.

“Mr. Ackles. Are you up to no good this morning?” you teased. You took a step back and your foot landed on something slick. It went out from under you and you fell backwards. 

You woke up on the tile floor of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around you, Jensen pressing a towel to your head as he dialed his phone.

“No, no,” he said. You blinked and sat up, Jensen pushing you back down.

“No, honey. You hit your head. Stay there,” he said. 

“911, what’s your emergency?” the woman on the phone said.

“My fiance just fell in the shower and hit her head. She’s bleeding,” he said. “She had a brain trauma earlier this year and she was just knocked out.”

“We’ll send an ambulance to your address. Is she still in the shower?” she asked.

“N-No. I got her out,” he said, voice a little shaky and you tilted your head at him. “Y/N.”

“Jensen,” you said with a smile, Jensen letting you sit up that time.

“Did...can you hear me?” he asked. 

“Turn around and stop signing to me and then ask me,” you said. He momentarily took his eyes off of you and paused.

“If you can hear me, say applesauce.”

He turned around and you smirked.

“Applesauce? Really?”

He threw his arms around you and hugged you tight.

“I still literally like cracked my head open a minute ago so…” you said, Jensen moving back to put pressure on your head. “You sound muffled, like you’re underwater or something. But it’s something.”

“I will take something,” he said. He cupped your cheeks and you kissed the tip of his nose.

“Love you.”

“I love you, so fucking much. Are you okay if I get you some clothes to change into quick?” he asked.

“Yeah. I’m okay, Jay. Definitely okay.”

Six Hours Later

“So?” asked Jensen as soon as the doctor walked in. He gave you a smile and handed you a sheet. 

“I have 70% function in my left and forty in my right?” you asked.

“As of this moment, yes. I want everyone to be cautiously optimistic about this. This could be temporary or it could get better. We just don’t know and I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up. The good news is that your brain is still able to interpret sound, even on a limited basis.”

“I’ll take the muffled sounds. I’ll take whatever I can get. It’s still...difficult to understand voices but I can make out most words with some effort,” you said.

“We’ll keep you overnight to make sure there’s nothing else going on. You very likely will need to continue with your sign language and other methods of communication you’ve developed over the months. I don’t recommend brain injury to fix these sorts of things but we’ll see how you are in the morning and hope this will be a permanent change.”

“Thanks,” you said. He excused himself and Jensen sat down on your bed, looking you over. You signed to him and he returned it, nodding before he took out his phone.

“There’s a song on the new album. It’s for you. Can I play it?” he asked.

“Yeah. Let me use headphones. That might work better,” you said. He went to his bag and pulled out a pair, shoving them in the phone before handing it to you. He hit play and sat back as you heard nothing but quiet. Soft gentle notes came in slowly, his voice matching them as he started to sing. “I like it. It’s pretty.”

“There’s two versions. That’s the track for everyone. Then there’s one for you,” he said.

“Me?” you asked. He waited until the song finished to pick the instrumental version of the song and choosing to play it. Immediately you could tell the difference, the bass cranked up so you felt it in your ears. “What is that?”

“I made it so you could max the volume on a speaker and you could feel the beat through the bass. So you could hear music again.”

“I love it,” you said. “It’s my favorite song ever. Really. Thank you Jensen.”

“Thank you,” he signed. You pointed at your eye and your chest, then over to him. “I love you too. Can we keep the head injuries to a minimum going forward though? I don’t think I can handle another one of these.”

“I’ll do my best,” you said. You reached out for him and gave him a hug, taking a deep breath, giggling when you heard him do the same. “Would you sing for me?”

“For you, anything,” he said. “Anything at all, sweetheart.”

_______

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

Best GMs and coaches in the league ACC to you?

we can start with gms because coaching is a bit more complicated. best gms in the league is easy to look at because like, who has a good team? who has had a consistently good team? whose locker room is the most cohesive, whose coaching staff is the best? who is the best at acquiring and keeping the best players, coaches, staff, etc? and you can see that in the way teams play. 

(putting this under the cut because it got long. and i mean Long.)

so, in no particular order: kyle dubas (leafs), steve yzerman (red wings, i will explain this later), don waddell (canes), julien brisebois (lightning), joe sakic (avs), and kelly mccrimmon/george mcphee (golden knights) (god i still hate that name and also will explain this later too) are the best in the league in my opinion. honorable mention to marc bergevin, who has held onto his job much longer than he arguably should have, but still has a decent team on the ice and a decent coaching staff, although the french rule does severely handicap them (i understand why it exists but it does, it just does). 

david poile (preds) is the longest tenured gm in the league (has been the preds gm since fucking 1997, thats insane, thats legit before i was born, what the fuck), and i do genuinely think he is very good at his job, and that he is very hockey smart, but oh boy have his recent decisions been suspect as hell, and that reflects in the state of his team. doug wilson (sharks), who is the second longest tenured gm in the nhl, is in the exact same boat (the karlsson deal is a nightmare, and also did he just forget that his star core was gonna get old and retire or ??).

with dubas, waddell, brisebois, sakic, and mccrimmon/mcphee all have the same basic strengths: they draft well, they have a fundamental understanding of their team structure and how to manage public perception of the team and everything that implies, and they have two fingers on the pulse of their locker room at all times. im not going to pretend to know as much about sakic and mccrimmon/mcphee as i do the eastern gms, but it doesnt take much to figure it out. look at the avs, and their locker room, the success theyve found after being dead fucking last in the league. look at the knights and their incredible success that theyve found after literally not existing before 2017. ive talked about dubas a lot on my blog, but its incredibly easy to see that waddell and brisebois do the same shit he does, and i can do a deep dive on them if asked. bergevin has moments of brilliance, like the suzuki trade and acquiring caufield and anderson, but things like kotkaniemi’s development and their entire blue line give me a massive pause, which is why he’s not in the main list. he’s a good gm. he’s just not the best.

in regards to steve yzerman: you have to understand that this is the man that built the tampa bay lightning as we know them. this man was gm of the bolts until fucking 2018. tampa bay has been a monster in the eastern conference for years, BECAUSE of the work steve yzerman put in. his team set the franchise record for wins, and he was the first and is the only lightning gm to have won gm of the year. look up the 17-18 roster. it is, essentially, the roster that won them the cup last year. make no mistake, i think brisebois is great, and hes on the list for a reason, but the biggest part of brisebois’ success was steve yzerman’s incredible hockey mind. brisebois essentially had to sell off a fourth of his roster, and the lightning are still a top team in their division and in the league, and thats why he’s there (it is so incredibly easy to fuck shit up post cup win), but the brisebois lightning would not exist without steve yzerman, plain and simple.

what steve yzerman is doing in detroit should be watched very, very closely by every single person in the hockey world. youre fucking nuts if youre not paying attention to them, not gonna lie. the mantha trade was excellent, if really sad if you know even a bit about the wings, but the amount of draft picks steve yzerman has amassed and the way he’s using the prospects and players he already has is really fucking admirable. mike babcock left the red wings organization absolutely in tatters, and i think, honestly, it was always steve yzerman’s plan to go home to detroit and rebuild. if there is anyone who is going to strike absolute gold this draft year, it is steve yzerman. watch the red wings, i am telling you, keep a beat on detroit. they are going to be good. its not an if, its a when.

(real quick on the knights situation: mcphee was the first gm of the knights, and was also president of hockey ops at the same time, and then in 2019 mcphee said he was just gonna focus on his job as president, but we all know hes still an integral part of the way the knights are run, and he and mccrimmon have kinda been building the knight together since the beginning anyway bc mccrimmon was originally mcphee’s agm. so. thats why theyre together)

as for coaches, it’s very simple. rod brind’amour (canes), sheldon keefe (leafs, yes im biased, we’ll get into it), jared bednar (avs), joel quenneville (panthers), jon cooper (lightning), barry trotz (isles), and mike sullivan (pens).

(disclaimer: obviously coaching is done as a team, and assistants and specialist coaches and staff are all very important, but the head coaches set the tone and organize the entire machine, if you will, so im going to be talking about head coaches as if theyre the entire coaching staff. its just easier this way im sorry)

im gonna just start with the easy ones: barry trotz, mike sullivan, and jon cooper have been in the league for years. cooper is the longest tenured coach in the nhl for a reason (again, just look at the tampa bay lightning. its the gm’s job to make the coach’s life easier and the coach’s job to make the gm’s life easier, and this is one of the prime examples of it in the league. its dope as hell tbh), trotz is one of the most respected coaches in the hockey world for a reason (the caps lost something when he walked. they just did. and now the isles are absolute hell to play against and that is largely the coaching of barry trotz, you legit cannot tell me im wrong), and while mike sullivan does have his faults, i think hes found a way to please both management and the crosby-and-malkin unit, which has been really really fucking hard to do. he also led the pens to back to back cups, which you can never really uh. ignore. lmao. so theres those three.

i know less about bednar, but again, another example of the coach and gm working together to make each others’ lives easier. sakic gets bednar the players and staff he needs to make the avs better, and bednar takes those players and staff and makes them into the absolute giant they are. it wouldve been really, really easy to fuck up makar’s development, or bowen byram’s, or sam girard’s, or ryan graves’s, or jost or mackinnon or rantanen’s, but he hasn’t, and he hasn’t just given up on players like burakovsky or kadri, he’s given them new life as players and made them more successful.

joel quenneville is the reason the bl/ckh/wks were a legacy team point blank period. sure they had the talent, sure the gm drafted well, but you do not get the legacy of the chicago bl/ckh/wks without joel quenneville. they fired him on a whim and it absolutely was a mistake, and the moment the cats hired him i literally out loud said ‘oh no’ because i knew exactly what that meant for the leafs and their position in the standings. the panthers are underrated generally, yes, but they would not be the powerhouse they are this season without quenneville. just look at q’s wiki stats. he’s absolutely unbeilevable. he won the jack adams in fucking 2000, before he’d even won any of the cups with the h/wks. i cant tell you what kind of a locker room coach this guy is, but i can tell you his teams win and win convincingly, and that firing him was the biggest mistake the h/wks have made in years.

whenever i talk about coaching, i talk about rod brindamour and sheldon keefe in the same breath every single time because there is no match, and i mean none, for the love inside those locker rooms. the avs, maybe, but my point stands. keefe and brindamour fucking BLEED team spirit, it is at the center of their coaching styles and their teams are good because of it specifically. marner and matthews are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation and then some with keefe. aho, teravainen, and svechnikov are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation with brindamour. brindamour and keefe have both hashtag played the game, so they Get It, and more than that, theyve grown and changed their understanding of the game as the game itself has changed, and so they can command the authority of their teams while also connecting to them on a really deep level. i should make a note here that keefe and brindamour are incredibly, deeply hockey smart, and that they are also just technically good coaches, skimming their wiki or nhl dot com articles will tell you that, but what makes them stand out to me is that their players would fucking die for them. the leafs would go through the end boards for keefe, the canes would do the same for brindamour. travis dermott said it best when keefe got promoted: boys wanna play for him. beyond that, the management skills both brindamour and keefe have are just frankly amazing (the amount of ego keefe specifically has to manage in the leafs locker room is astounding and he does it so incredibly brilliantly). the leafs and the canes are talented, yes, and would have been talented regardless of who was coaching them. but brindamour and keefe bring both of those teams from talented to exceptional, and the true mark of an amazing coach is not only how many games their team wins, but how they win them, and the leafs and canes have been winning games this year for and because of each other, and that starts with their coaches. what makes a great coach, to me, is not the talent on the team (though that certainly helps), but how the coach manages his players no matter who they are, and how he helps those players grow not just as players as people, because no matter how much pure stats people and twitter hockey dudebros wanna deny it, that shit does affect on ice play, and it does make good players better.

so theres my analysis of the best coaches and gms of the nhl, im so sorry this is so long, oh my god. also, shoutout to @bishops--knifetrick for sending me an ask about this literally a month ago that i just never answered, sorry for that, but here i hope this is good. :)

[mittensmorgul]

I think it’s pretty obvious that Dean was going to see Cas (even with the difference in time, his conversation with Bobby only makes sense if they were talking about Cas) and he ran into Sam around the way. The episode was missing about five minutes of content, which doesn’t make sense for a finale unless you axed a scene. Technically speaking, you can justify axing a Destiel scene if you think Destiel is obvious and the conversation with Bobby covers it, which is Covid’s fault

um... good for you for being able to believe that but... 

I’m personally just going with my theory that our connection to their universe just... unplugged when Jack dissipated. It was obvious to me that he’d “fixed Heaven” at the end of 15.19, we didn’t need to literally murder Dean to learn that i mean... it was just... so disjointed and nothing fitted together right like without being able to “see” into their universe, our writers just went by the seat of their pants to cobble together a random hunt to have Dean effectively slip on a banana peel and die just to “prove” that Heaven was fun now and not just memories like WE GOT THAT ALREADY THANKS.

But like... literally nobody cared about that at this point anyway? But they knew they had to end the series somehow so this is what we got? Guesses as to how it might end, with nothing actually feeling satisfying?

Like... the most satisfying thing to me is the fact that we all have room to write FAR more satisfying closings to the universe.

Like ones were everyone actually gets to live and ENJOY the world they saved, and explore what it truly means to be a human with Free Will.

But ugh... how utterly disappointing in the execution.

I’m hanging my entire love of this show on a glitchy black screen in the opening shot of the episode, Dean’s weird “It’s my destiny” and “I have no other choice” but to feast on “Dabb’s Pies” and having one of those pies smashed in his face.

Then randomly arriving at a murder scene to a hunt for vampires that cosplayed as skeleton monsters that we all thought were human until they unmasked themselves, only to find Jenny the vampire from freaking 1.20 there, and then she died without any trouble at all but Dean... died in the stupidest possible way ever? Like how?

Sam gets the Happy Life With Wife And Son montage and grows old and dies, and shows up five minutes after Dean apparently arrived in Heaven?

Bobby gave Dean an El Sol beer, which has ALWAYS indicated deception on this show. It’s the beer of lies, first introduced in 1.20 as the source of Dean’s entire “fake life” in a djinn dream. He was dating Carmen the El Sol poster girl, rebranded as a “respectable” nurse, ffs. 

And he even LAMPSHADED the fact it was terrible beer in that scene. Like he was openly acknowledging it was BAD.

And after the final shot, on the bridge, Jensen and Jared talking directly to the camera, and pulling back and seeing the entire production team standing with them just sort of capped it for me, that this was... that none of it was actually real in the sense of everything we watched before Chuck’s influence over their lives was severed, you know?

Like, acknowledging that what we just viewed was “just a tv show” as opposed to the epic story of Team Free Will. And on one level, I find that weirdly satisfying, knowing that all of us have written thousands of better endings for all of these guys than that. But also knowing that all of us aren’t beholden to network scrutiny and are actually free to write whatever we want about them, too...

Still... after how much of my life I’ve invested in this dumb show, I am just... profoundly disappointed that they didn’t at least give these guys a better ending than “well at least you can be happy in Bizarro Heaven!”

Because to me the entire episode just felt slightly off, and I’m clinging to that fact and using it to maintain my love for the entire rest of the entire series.

Because I do love it. So much. And I’ll forever be sad it fell short of its full potential only to stumble across the finish line.

But now? Now I have a bazillion ideas for fic that are all better than THAT.

(and exactly zero of those ideas involve Dean dying or anything to do with heaven...)

So I’m good with it. I have the episode’s own “backward” structure (with Carry on at the end rather than the beginning) and everything weird that happened in it to allow me to accept the understanding that it doesn’t even matter in the grand scheme of things. It’s as irrelevant to my love of this show as any other fanfic I would nope out of as soon as I saw the MCD tag. That’s all it is to me.

[green-blue-heller]

Ok, so i get shipping cockles, but it seems like people are actually forcing (??) the ship. Like people act like they have have definite proof that something is going on between Jensen and Misha and I can see their chemistry, but insisting it's real just seems like a bad idea. I've seen other people play into ships like this and it ends up ruining the relationship. It would be cute if there's something going on between them as a poly person myself, but just seeing so many people act like it's a definite is just ruining it :/

IMO it’s absolutely real. But others may disagree. Everyone can have their opinion.

Though I don’t really see people “forcing” it. We make observations and then deduce the most probable cause and effect. In this case it’s that Misha and Jensen have been together for 11 years now (except one short breakup).

If you mean forcing as in trying to force it upon the actors, most of us know to keep it to tumblr and not other social media. And to definitely not talk about cockles to cockles or cockles-adjacent.

Misha can make jokes about how we all sit around and look for clues and go “I knew it” but we don’t take those to Misha or Jensen or the wives or anyone else and ask or discuss it.

Now, Misha does have tumblr. He’s talked about it. His mother has tumblr. In fact, his mother is responsible for the cockles mansion thing for GISH. And Misha has “accidentally” tweeted the link to the cockles love story (which he never deleted, might I add...).

If either of those accounts troll around and dig up what fans are saying, that’s on them lol. This is fandom space and fandom shit should stay here.

But Jensen was uncomfortable with shipping due to Wincest. So he didn’t understand shipping and Destiel at first. And he was a little problematic and harsh about it.

But he mellowed out even though he really didn’t want to talk about it.

If the man wasn’t comfortable with a fictional ship, I couldn’t see him perpetuating and playing into a RPS. One that included things like insinuating they had sex, grinding on each other or straddling.

Including insinuating him and Misha were having sex in the extended gag reel footage. Because that’s exactly what the “you’d know” was about, when Misha asked him if he farted.

And especially not a ten year anniversary photo out of thin air - a ten year anniversary that meant those ten years was more significant than the first year they’d known each other.

And Jensen is an actor. A damn good actor. But the way him and Misha are together, that man has NO poker face. They touch without even thinking about it. And linger. More than once as they went for a hug or something, you can tell by the way their body moved they went for a kiss at first.

The one time Ruthie even shakes her head and wags her finger at them as they realize and pull away.

Jensen literally looks at Misha as though the sun and the stars revolve around him. And Misha does the same, though usually has a better poker face. But Jensen’s unicorn laugh, at things that are just NOT funny... is funny. Because Misha just has to exist and Jensen thinks it’s the best and funniest thing.

I mean, last year was the 10 year anniversary post. And literally a year later, we all wait for an anniversary post or acknowledgment from either of them, and Family Business Beer Co updates their website to introduce Eyes Like the Sky. Later that day, Misha posted about knives that were like works of art and cost a lot of money for knives. And upon looking it up, steel is the traditional gift for an eleven year anniversary lol.

Then... Jensen just won an award. In his IG post of thanks, his only personal thanks were: Mish. Dee. They were also the only ones he didn’t use their name, but rather their nickname. Yes, he mentioned Jared in the video, but he was talking about the nominees and Jared was also nominated. So it almost would have been awkward if he hadn’t.

Sure, it’s still technically circumstantial, but as someone who studied criminal justice, forensics, and psychology... it’s obvious what it adds up to.

And Jib10 was all but a coming out party lol.

But yeah... I guess until one of them says something more definitive than showing up together 45 min late at a con, one being told he’d be a mortar because he can take a good pounding, the other saying “I love you” to the one who got teased about the pounding, and then let him straddle him for really no reason, and then taking a chest-to-chest selfie that had no room for Jesus between them...

Do I hope they eventually just confirm?

Yes.

Why?

Because I love them and want them to be happy. I don’t want them to feel like they have to or should hide a part of themselves, especially something that makes them happy. I wish they honestly knew how many people would be happy and support them if they made a statement that they were in a poly relationship.

We already know Misha is poly and I’m 99% sure I’ve seen an article where Dee made statements in support of poly relationships.

But, if it was for the show, it’s over, and they wouldn’t need to be spamming each other’s accounts with likes. Jensen wouldn’t have to include Misha first in personal thanks section.

So... if they’re not, it’s time to just say they’re not.

But for anyone on the fence or unsure what this is, there is a master post that’s actually 4 posts, that I’ll add in later when I find it again. People can make up their own mind.

Wow. This went on a bit longer than I intended. But after this long ass post, I hope this has given you at least a glimmer of insight and hope that it won’t ruin anything with them. And I don’t think fans are the problem.

[writingtoforgetreality]

Take It Easy - Little Movie Star Chapter Four (Jensen Ackles x Daughter!Reader)

[Actors-Masterlist], [Little Movie Star-Masterlist]

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

Summary: The aftermath of the hate comments. Jensen explained that the future would not be easy if you had a public life. Bonding time with Danneel was appreciated & a revelation left Jensen with a plan for you.

Words: 2,022

Warnings: language, mentions of cyber bullying, bonding time, fluff, tiny bit of angst, fake social media posts (picture credits go to their rightful owners)

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

~2016~

Sunrise came sooner than anticipated. Wanting to procrastinate the talk with Jensen & Danneel, you slowly dragged yourself out of bed & went to the bathroom. Risking a look in the mirror was a big mistake. Your eyes were puffy from all the crying you did yesterday. Technically, you could go for sunglasses. Nope, you could not do that. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people…& douchebags. Chuckling slightly at your own joke. Hopping in the shower real quick, you hoped the warm water could calm you down enough.

After putting on a comfortable outfit for the day, you took a deep breath & started walking to JJ’s room. It had become quite the routine for you. If you were up early enough, you stopped by her room & took her with you downstairs. Knocking softly & opening the door slowly, you saw her already awake, waiting for you to pick her up.

“Good morning, princess. Slept well?” she nodded eagerly & stretched out her arms.

“Let’s get to breakfast then.” smiling sweetly at her. Just for a second, you forgot all about last night & just lived in the moment. Oh, if it were that easy all the time…

Silent voices made you stop in your tracks. Eavesdropping was not something you usually did but you could not help yourself. Besides, you could tell that this conversation resembled around you.

“Maybe she hasn’t seen the comments yet.”

“Oh come on, Dee. Of course she has. I mean, our comment sections are filled with that bullshit.” Jensen was deeply hurt by what some of his fans were saying about you, after one single post.

“What should we do?” Danneel sighed.

“We talk to her.” that was when you coughed to bring the attention to yourself. They turned around & looked surprised by your sudden appearance. You set JJ down & crossed your arms over your chest.

“Sorry for listening in on you guys.” your eyes flickered down because deep down, you knew what you did was not okay.

“Hey, no, it’s fine. We wanted to talk to you anyway.” Jensen walked over to you, followed by Danneel.

“Please don’t listen to any of them, angel.” the nickname made your eyes shot up & when you looked at Danneel, you could feel the tears threatening to escape. Jensen could tell right away & wrapped his strong arms around your frame. You did not care about being vulnerable in front of them. Even though you were sure you would regret your actions in a few hours from now.

Breakfast was filled with conversation between the three of you. JJ & the twins were not understanding anything anyway & you were glad that they were too young to care about stupid comments made by anonymous people on the internet.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N).” Jensen’s voice was filled with disappointment. Though, you were not sure if it was directed at his fans or at his decision of making an Instagram post in the first place.

“None of this is your fault.” reassuring him quietly.

“You don’t deserve this. And we don’t want you to think that we’re not happy with you being here because that is bullshit. We love having you here.” Danneel’s hand found yours on the table & she gave you a little squeeze that put a small smile on your face. You were about to tell them something you had never admitted to anyone before. It was a big step for you & you were making yourself even more vulnerable in front of them. But they seemed genuinely concerned about you & you did not know why but you believed what they were saying. You just hoped your trust in them was not misplaced.

“It’s just…It’s not the first time I’ve heard something like that. A lot of the families I had been to previously had shared their opinions with me. I’m used to it, I don’t even know why it’s affecting me this much.” Jensen & Danneel shared a look with each other. Yes, they were happy that you were sharing a little bit of your past with them but what you shared broke their hearts. The worst thing was that they knew it was not the only thing that had happened to you. There had to be so much more that you still had not told them & they were scared what would come in the future.

“Can you promise me something?” Jensen waited until you met his eyes. “If you have thoughts like that, you come to us immediately. Because whatever your mind tries to tell you, it ain’t true. A lot of these comments are not only hurtful but also threatening. And I’ll put a stop to this right now.” he pulled out his phone & opened twitter. He showed Danneel & you the tweets before he hit send. Afterwards, they told you that comments similar to what you had read will continue to come at your way, simply because they were celebrities. After all, you were part of their family now & therefore your life would also be kind of public. As much as you would allow it anyway.

To some, these tweets might not be a lot but to you, they meant the world. After Jensen tweeted these, you grabbed your own phone, opened Instagram & reposted the picture you took yesterday.

You meant every single word because you did feel like a part of this family & why you still could not understand why they wanted you in the first place, you were more than happy that you were here still. A few weeks ago, you would have never thought to stay with them for so long. Yeah, they really meant it when they said they wanted you to be a part of them.

“I know exactly what we need!” Danneel stood up & you gave her a confused look. What was she planning?

“Girls-Day.” giving you a wink, she helped you out of your seat & gave you a light push, telling you to get dressed so you guys could go shopping. Danneel was aware that you were still slightly uncomfortable whenever you were alone with her but she wanted to change that & what better way than a shopping trip together?

The trip to the local mall was very much needed. Danneel warned you about possible paparazzi & the thought made you nervous. What if you did not look good? What if it gave the media something negative to report on? Danneel silenced your thoughts by dragging you into the first shop. Your shopping spree was successful & you came back with tons of shopping bags. Feeling bad because you did not pay for anything, Danneel assured you that it was no problem. Besides, you did not have a lot of clothing to begin with & she told you that you needed it. Also, she gave you permission to raid her closet any time you wanted. And who were you to decline such an offer?

“Successful much?” Jensen joked when the two of you entered the house, struggling with all the bags you were carrying. He gave you a hand & set some of the bags on the couch. Your mood had changed drastically if you were to compare yourself to a few hours prior.

“Jensen, can you help (Y/N) putting her stuff in her room?” Danneel grabbed some of her bags, definitely not nearly as many as were filled with your clothing.

After putting all of the bags on your bed, Jensen offered to help you putting them away in your closet & you thanked him. While the two of you got to work, he commented on some of the clothes that he was storing away & said that you & Danneel chose a lot of great looking things.

“So, how was today?” Jensen started a conversation & you were not in the mood to lie to him so you told him the truth, the entire truth for once.

“A rollercoaster of emotions. But it ended great.” shooting an honest smile his way, one, that he copied.

“I know it’d be easier if we weren’t popular & all that.” he sighed.

“Not all of it is bad, though. I mean, you get so much love on a daily basis.”

“True, but it can be frustrating, especially when family gets involved. Still happens with Danneel sometimes.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah, you know, when people get jealous & all that.”

“I’m sorry.” a tight lipped smile was on your face.

“Nothing to be sorry for. This life has its perks, but it also has a lot of disadvantages. When you’ve been in this business for so long, you start blocking out the negative comments...Hey, that was the last piece, we did it.” raising his hand for you to give him a high-five.

Falling backwards on your bed, Jensen mimicked your actions, you let out a long, satisfied sigh. Today had been exhausting, both mentally & physically.

“Now that we know that you enjoy shopping…what else do you do for fun?”

“Um, I guess a lot of creative stuff. I like writing. Taking pictures. Drawing. Oh, this will sound ironic, but I actually like acting a lot.” that peaked his interest. He propped up his arm & laid his head on it.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean...Whenever I imagine playing a role, it helps me control my emotions.”

“Do you have any experience?” he curiously asked. Maybe you had acted somewhere before?

“God, no. Just because I like it doesn’t mean I’m good at it.” laughing shortly, then you continued. “It’s not like there were a lot of opportunities coming my way growing up.” shrugging, you enjoyed the comfortable silence that followed. Shortly after, Jensen walked out of your room, telling you to get some sleep.

A plan was starting to form in his head. He had connections & if acting really was something that you enjoyed, why not trying? The producers had the last word & then he could see if it really was something that was just a hobby to you. He had a feeling that you would surprise him, though. Dialing the next person that came to his mind, he wanted to hear his opinion.

“Hey, man. How are you?”

“Hi, Jared. I’m great, thanks.”

“How’s (Y/N) doing?”

“Danneel & her went shopping today. But look, she just told me something.”

The conversation went on for a while & Jared was on board with Jensen’s plan. Still, it was meant to stay secret for the time being. They planned a dinner in a few days from now. Just him, Danneel & you, joined by Jared & Gen. It would also be your first time meeting them. This decision was made shorty after you arrived at the Ackles’ house. Simply because you were freaking overwhelmed with the entire situation & had to get used to them at first. Now, it felt like a good time to introduce you to the Padalecki’s. At the dinner, they would tell you about their little plan. Before that could happen, though, Jensen had to make a few more phone calls to set everything up. Hopefully, you would not kill him after finding out. No, he could tell that you were being serious about this. You might not admit it but he noticed that your passion for acting was way bigger than you let on.

~to be continued~

Next Chapter 

Published (04/10/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @vicmc624​, @imaginationisgrowth, @stoneyggirl​, @alyispunk​, @thevelvetseries​, @multifandomlover121, @samsgirl93​, @supernatural3002​, @diabetes-03, @prettyybubblesintheair, @originalsoulcollector​, @vir-tual, @bellero​, @sergantbuckybarnes (let me know if you wanna be tagged <3)

[barbecuebabybackribs]

 Being In a Poly relationship with Sam Uley, Paul Lahote, and Jacob Black would include: (Male! Cullen! Imprint! Reader)

Requested: Yes

(Your all in a relationship)

Everyone Knew they were in a relationship

They got a lot of strange looks and backhanded comments

But they were able to get through it together- luckily not many people had the guts to say it in front of there faces considering they were all tall buff men

It did get to them slightly, and it took them a long time to be public with there relationship but eventually the hiding got to them and they came out

The pack already knew of course, it would be hard to hide the longing looks they gave to each other normally, but since they can hear each others thoughts? They were outed very quickly

Embry and Jared nearly choke when they first hear a passing thought go through Jacob’s mind about an intimate moment they had shared- and everything quickly unraveled from there

You are the youngest of the Cullen children, mainly because you are human.

You had a rough childhood and were taken away for your family at a very young age

One day you had gotten hurt by and equally poor foster family

Carlisle was your doctor, he instantly noticed the signs of abuse and also realized just how wonderful of a kid you were

He followed procedure and reported the incident to CPS

You were taken away but then you were without a family once again, Carlisle tried not to think about you, knowing there were plenty of poor children in situations like yours and his home wouldn’t be safe for a human child

But when you come back in, this time with a broken arm, he discusses it with the family.

Him and Esme start the process of adoption and cross there fingers.

They’re accepted.

You’re only four so they panic and buy everything they can think of to childproof there house, and set up a room for you- which Alice and Rosalie take care of

You don’t trust them at first, your past foster families had been abusive and even though you were young you still associated the process with being hurt

Jasper keeps his distance from you but uses his powers to ease your stress

When you first go there your three favorite people are Esme, Rosalie, and Carlisle

You love Esme because she makes you your favorite foods and she reads you bed time stories every night- she also was the first person other then Carlisle you met

You love Carlisle because he was the first person who was nice to you in a long time, he was always nice to you and was the first real father figure you had, so of course you want to talk to him for two hours about cartoons and the cool bug you saw outside- although he’s a sucker for your ramblings

You loved Rosalie because she loved you, she babied you, played with you, dances with you, watches cartoons with you every Sunday morning while your still half asleep.

You soon warm up to the others though and over the years your close with them all

When they first told you about vampires they only confirmed a suspicion you had already had

“Wait, so I was right?”

“Yeah a bit...” Edward piped up awkwardly from the corner having forgotten to tell them about your theory on why they were all the same age as when you had met, never ate with you, and never slept

Your still all close, even closer in fact now that they don’t need to hide everything from you

So when they ask you to deliver a message to the wolf pack- who you had never met but were familiar with- you complied

Happily pulling up you grasped the note tightly- technically you knew what to say, just tell them when the training would take place- but that didn’t mean you weren’t nervous about forgetting

With three snaps of your wrist you knocked on the door, eyes low as you tried to keep your nerves at bay- just drop the note off, then leave. It’ll be simple

The door swung open and a stern looking woman opened the door

“Hello?”

“Uh hi, I’m supposed to drop this letter off with Sam Uley.”

“Ah so you’re the Leeches human.”

“Uhm- and you’re Leah the Female wolf?”

She mumbled a yeah and motioned for me to come inside, when you walk in you instantly recognize the wolf pack- mainly because of there tattoos but the fact that they were all shirtless was a large hint.

“Which one of you is Sam?” You asked looking at the four men sat at the table eating a variety of foods displayed on the table.

Two of the men- one you had recognized from Bella’s description as being Jacob black- stopped mid bite and stared at you, which made you shift nervously

little did you know Jacob and Paul were currently in the midst of there entire world shifting below there feet, and suddenly it wasn’t just there partners who mattered above all else, you were at the center of it all.

Right when you were contemplating turning around and leaving before you had the option to give them the letter, or to find out why they were staring at you so intensely, like they were a second away from jumping over the table and tackling you- someone cleared there throat from next to you

You nearly jumped out of your skin and quickly turned to look at the man who had scared you

He was tall, had a stern yet handsome face- and gave off an incredibly intimidating aura

His tightly knit brows instantly relaxed as we made eye contact- which made you think you might have something on your face considering everyone is staring at you

“Are you... Sam?” You asked, trying to put on your best smile despite the feeling of three men staring into your soul causing your skin to crawl

“Yes, and you are?” He spoke, gentler then you were expecting but his voice still carried a powerful undertone

“Y/N, Carlisle sent me to give you the detail on your whole training session.”

He paused for a moment, taking the letter from your hand and glancing at the others

“Your the Cullen’s human?” He asked but it came out more as a statement

“I prefer Y/N, but yes- I’m the Cullen token human.” You tried to lighten the suddenly serious moment, but when you were met with more confused stares and strangely longing gazes you let out a nervous laugh, “You know... I’m just gonna go...” You said sounding slightly more nervous intended

There was a few more moments of silent and Sam, Jacob, and mystery pack member shared a knowing but slightly panic looked.

“Hey, Why don’t you stay for lunch- since you’re already here and everything.” Jacob smiled from his seat at the table- repeatedly hitting the shoulder of another boy until he moved and then motioning at the free seat.

“Oh... I shouldn’t, I mean I’d hate to impose.” You waved your hand slightly, a small smile on your face. They seemed nice but the thought of being glared at for any longer made you want to die on the spot.

“Ah come on, we’d love to get to know the infamous vampire boy.”

You let out a slight sigh before admitting defeat- not wanting to seem rude at this point. “I guess I can stay for a bit- If you stop calling me Vampire boy.... or ‘the leech human’.” 

“Deal.” Mystery boy said before motioning his head to the now-free chair, “Now sit.”

You end up sitting down and are able to enjoy yourself, most of the pack other then Jacob, Paul, and Sam don’t talk to you to terribly much, other then introducing themselves.

“Oh, by the way, what’s your name again?”

“It’s Paul.” He practically beamed at your slight attention- you didn’t know it but the three men were all suddenly very desperate to get to know you and have your attention. Hence why they didn’t want you to leave.

Time flew by quicker then any of you would have liked, they all hung onto your every word as you talked, and you found yourself doing the same when they talked.

The rest of the pack quickly caught on and were either fighting back a laugh the entire time or dreading the drama that would likely ensue from not one, not two, but three werewolf’s imprinting on the human Cullen.

Speaking of which, none of the Cullen’s know until the training scene.

The whole day is put on pause for a few minutes as Edward quickly is able to read the thoughts of the pack and tells the others.

Your standing near Bella- confused on what exactly an imprint is but not asking because you had a suspicion it wasn’t good.

Carlisle and Esme are fairly calm, this wasn’t the kind of thing you could control and they were happy you would have three werewolf’s looking out for you- since they were known for being protective of there imprints

Jasper, Edward, and Emmett, had no idea how to feel.

The one time Jasper is stumped with emotions, he knows imprints are usually happiest with their imprinter- or imprinters. But how could he know you’d be safe with them? Alice wouldn’t be able to see if something was going to go wrong so anything could happen

Emmett was slightly confused but he guessed he was happy for you? But also upset that the mutts imprinted on his human

Edward was, just, couldn’t, wrap, his, head, around, it.

Rosalie and Alice were fuming

You were Rosalie’s kid, if they thought for one second they could have you they’d have to get through her

Alice did not like the mutts, especially when they were imprinted on her favorite human- her usually happy demeanor shifted and she held herself back but jasper was gently holding her hand to try and keep her calm

Rosalie however went off

“What do you mean they all imprinted on him! As if dealing with one of them wouldn’t be enough!” She hissed, grabbing your arm and pulling you behind her- which caused the three wolves to snap and growl slightly

“Uh- It’s okay Rose?” You tried to ignore your confusion and comfort her slightly

“No- It’s not Y/N!”

Everyone was very tense for the rest of the training session, you were mainly searching through your memories trying to remember what imprints were- when you did remember you let out a small “oh”

Although you didn’t know the relationship would move past being close friends

Which is exactly what you were for awhile.

Carlisle was able to convince Rosalie to let you go see the pack, not wanting to start a dispute by withholding you

She still gave you a pocket knife and a long rant on how if they try anything or you get slightly uncomfortable to leave immediately- and to listen to you instincts.

But your instincts tell you to completely trust the pack.

The first few meetings the four of you have after the training session were awkward at first but you quickly warmed up to them

You spend a lot of time on the beach and especially just hanging around Sam’s house

You four can just talk for hours enjoying eachothers company

Jacob likes to spend private time with you at the beach, he likes watching you collect seashells- you may have grown up in the area but you were never allowed to go to the beach so you’ve got almost a child-like excitement when you’re there.

Paul likes to take you places, any place you want to go- you got it- he likes seeing new movies with you, especially action films but you’ve dragged him to a few cheesy werewolf movies specifically so you could crack up at them and whisper in your ear, ‘So do you do that?’

Sam likes to have more chill time with you, he takes the brunt of patrolling and just being able to rest, and hang out with you knowing your safe is enough. Not that it’s boring though, he still finds different ways to fill the time but it’s much more relaxing things- one time you made him paint and he refused to show you his piece for days because it was ‘so bad’, you assured him it wasn’t although inside you both knew it was. When he tried to throw it away you stole it out of the trash and brought it home

When you all hang out your in for a fun day, your usually doing something specific because keeping four people entertained can be a hassle if your just hanging out- not that you don’t just hang out but things run more smoothly when your doing something

If they had a particularly long day patrolling you’ll let them just relax- always offering to leave if they need alone time since you do know they might just went to spend time with their partners, but they always insist you stay

They usually lay on the couch and you’ll make them dinner since they do have huge appetites, and Esme did give you cooking lessons so you know your way around the kitchen

Plus it’s nice to cook for someone else other then yourself

Jacob and Paul are always pumped when you cook for them- Sam always reminds you that you don’t need to cook for them, but is secretly just as excited because your an extremely good cook

Speaking of being a good cook- that’s something the entire pack appreciates your skill because you always conveniently make just enough for them as well- totally a coincidence if anyone asks you

Leah starts to warm up to you- she still doesn’t like being around Sam but she realizes your not a bad guy and she enjoys being able to be around you and only you so she can escape the other pack members thoughts but also have company

The rest of the pack loves you- partially because you make them food but also they think your fun to be around- although your rarely alone with anyone other then your three imprintee’s

None of you know when exactly you start having non-platonic feeling for each other

I mean Jasper does, which means Edward knows, and of course they had to tell Alice and Bella, so they all know way before you realize.

None of them are particularly bothered by you being gay, Jasper and Edward have known since you’d get crushes on the male cartoon characters on your shows, Alice didn’t mind you fell in love with a man-men- she just was hesitant about the men you fell for. And Bella always had a sneaking suspicion so it merely confirmed a suspicion she had- although it did go against her religious beliefs, so did being a vampire and she was able to accept that so you liking men? No big deal

Jacob is the first to realize of the three shifters- and since he is the first one to know he panics at the thought of the others not also liking you in the same way

However there is a Domino effect and almost within 24 hours they all realize they all feel the same way- but do you?

“The Cullen’s are going to kill us- not only imprinting on there son but this?”

Them slowly testing the waters to see how you feel is how you realize you like like them

Paul wrapped an arm around you when you shivered in the cold air, he couldn’t fight back the smug smile that painted his features when you leaned further into him

Sam mainly observes your behavior, not wanting to push you so he tries to read into all you slight movements.

Jacob mainly makes jokes under the same style ‘what if we all went on a date together... haha jk jk... unless?’

After five of those kinds of jokes you get suspicious- those paired with Jacob suddenly wanting to spend a lot more time with you and getting you small gifts- along with Sam becoming a lot more touchy feely and also giving you small gifts- you were suspicious the feeling were mutual.

All of you danced around your feeling.

Until you overheard a conversation.

“Jake, we have to take our time, we don’t want to push him.”

“Sam! We’ve been waiting for weeks, we should just tell him, lay all our cards out on the table.”

“Oh yeah, Jake just three shifters cornering you and saying ‘hey you know how we said imprints are sometimes completely platonic? Well this is not one of those times’.”

They had not realized you were standing on the front porch right next to the very open window

Your plan was simple- just back away and stay near your car for five minutes then come back and pretend you didn’t hear anything- simple right?

Not quite since you didn’t hear Jared walking up behind you- and of course he was very loud with his greeting

After a few moments you see Jacobs head stick out the window looking a tad panicked- “Oh Y/N I had no idea you were here!”

“Uh yeah... just got here an bumped into Jared.”

Jared only needed to pick something up and then he was gone and you were left alone with three men who were wondering if you had heard them.

An awkward silence was in the air before Sam finally sighed and asked “Did you here what we were talking about?”

Your face gave an answer before you could speak, but you tried none-the-less “psshhh.... nah I didn’t hear a single thing...”

“That’s obviously a lie.”

Jacob is happy you know and can make a decision if you’d like to stay merely friends or possibly become more, Paul is panicked your going to be completely put off by them all falling for you- they didn’t even know if you were gay so this could actually make you run back to the Cullen’s and never come back, and Sam is a mix of both- he doesn’t think you’ll run but he is worried if you don’t share there feeling your relationship will never be the same, although he was eager to hear what you have to say

“So... you all want... to date me?” You held your breath awaiting an answer.

“Basically..”

You let out a small ‘oh’ as a smile fights it’s way onto your features

They don’t know if your happy or if you’re making fun of them

Sam doesn’t beat around the bush and asks if you have feelings for them in a purely platonic sense, or not.

You lightly punch his shoulder and joke lightly “Not”

“What?”

“Not.” You said again,

“Y/N What the ever living fu-- OH YOU MEAN YOUR FEELINGS AREN’T PLATONIC!” Paul blurts out in confusion and then excitement

You just smile slightly and nod at him, having to many butterflies in your stomach to talk.

The day goes absolutely wonderfully after that- you were planning on just watching The AmittyVille Horror and having dinner, and that’s what you did

But even though none of them had officially asked you out, you all just unanimously agreed you were theirs now and they were yours

For the first time Sam wasn’t the only one helping you with dinner

You had to give Paul and Jacob easier jobs as they were absolutely terrible in the kitchen, Paul was in charge rubbing the seasoning-that same had mixed- on the meat and he was in charge of the playlist so you all had music to listen to- Jake was in charge of chopping, which he was slow and sloppy at but he did his best

You and Sam had already cooked many meals together so you moved smoothly through the kitchen preparing the rest of the food

You all ate together and then watched the movie, none of you were to particularly scared however you all enjoyed the movie

You went home that night very happy and Edward stopped you before you even got through the door

He unintentionally outed you- before you were ready. He hold’s the guilt of that for years- even after you forgive him.

No one really says much, Esme and Carlisle say they’re happy for you and then let you awkwardly walk right back out of the house

Carlisle is technically extremely religious but he knows that god loves all his creations and he knows the bible has been through many different phases, so he know’s it is not a literal guide book- he knows who you are and he loves you regardless

Esme has already known since you were a kid and you told her you secretly has a crush on a guy in your class- when you were in kindergarten- which you completely forgot but she’s always known and always loved you.

Rosalie is fuming- not because your gay, I mean she at one point questioned her own sexuality and she really doesn’t care what sexuality you are, but she does care that the MUTTS THINK THEY HAVE ANY CLAIM TO HER SON

they’ve already been stealing you every other day, but now? what if you move in with them, what if you start seeing them everyday, where will she be in your life? She’s mad and insecure, you end up telling her she’ll always be the best mom and that it doesn’t matter who your with, you’ll never leave her

Emmett is just flabbergasted, you get imprinted on by three wolves, you fall for all of them, they’re all men, they all fall for you. It’s a lot, he still loves you, but it’s a lot

You go right back to Sam’s house- you take a slight detour, you weren’t ready to come out to them so you need a minute

You knock and Sam’s door and only have to wait a second before it swings open- he heard you coming

“What happened?” He said when he saw your face- which you hadn’t realized must’ve looked upset

You just sighed and mumbled “I love them but sometimes living with vampires sucks ass.”

He chuckled lightly and pulled you inside, you didn’t see his eye twitch in agitation that the cullens upset you “You want to talk about it?”

“Not even slightly.”

“Well then, what would you like to do.”

You shrugged and plopped yourself on his couch “If you were doing something I can just chill here.”

“I was only going to clean and go to bed- I’d much rather spend time with you.”

He said plopping down on the couch with you, you ended up talking random things including the scary stories you believed in when you were small and debating what kind of pasta was the best

After awhile you both got pretty tired and you said you should probably go, with a sigh

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to- I mean I’ll sleep on the couch and you can take the bed if you’d like.”

You ended up agreeing with him but insisting you sleep on the couch- threatening to leave if he sleeps on it since he has patrols the next day

You two stay up a tad longer then he let’s you get some rest

It takes you awhile to fall asleep since you’ve never really stayed here over night

In the morning he’s in a bit of a rush but you spend a few mintutes together and then he’s out the door

When you go home all the cullens are hella worried

Takes you an hour to calm them down and convince them your alright you were just to tired to drive

They’re not exactly thrilled but they let it slide- just this once

It takes them awhile to get used to your relationship but once they see your happy and safe they accept it

Jacob drives you around on his bike a lot- sometimes if you need a lift but also just to be with you

Paul is the one most likely to tackle you- it’s actually how you have your first kiss- which is kinda romantic but he also scared the hell out of you

If you want to be technical your first kiss with Sam was a cheek kiss, which he did in the middle of making lunch which through you off

But your first lip kiss was almost just as random but a bit more romantic, he walked you to your car after you all had gone on a date and the others hanged back- he told them to in there minds but you didn’t know that- and kissed you before you got in your car

Jacob was a bit jealous he was the last to the party but he makes up for it in being really cute

Not-so-stealthy wraps a warm arm around you and pulls you close, your sitting on the cool beach so you cuddle into his warm chest, he calls your name quietly so you look up to him and  then he goes to kiss you- but his nose smashes into yours

He immediately apologizes while you die of laughter, unclinging from him and practically rolling in the sand

Defeated he grumpily crosses his arms and refuses to look at you

“Hey Jake~” You call, and now he’s the one turning to you and you steal a kiss

After that you instantly cuddle back up into his warm chest despite the fact your insane blush heated you up

They are always affectionate to each-other and if you think you escaped that- think again,

At least one of them is always touching you in some way- Jake loves to hold you hand, Paul likes to have a hand on your thigh/lower back- and Sam likes to wrap his arm around your shoulders

Sam is a big sucker for face kisses 

Paul looooves when you play with his hair but refuses to admit it

Jacob likes to just casually carry your around on his back/in his arms

It takes a good long while for all of you to get intimate

You mess around one on one with each other but it’s intimidating for three Tall Hunky werewolves to just take you

But they do regardless as long as you’re okay with it- Edward and Jasper are very uncomfortable with the new intimacy in your relationship

Whenever there is a supernatural threat you spend 95% of your time with them- the other 5% with the cullens

They will not let you out of you sights, you almost think your getting heatstroke at night when you’re surrounded by three bodies- two of which have arms around you- radiating heat

speaking of which in the winter you still don’t need blankets because they’re all more the willing to be your blanket

One time Paul lost control and shifted near you and your tackled by jacob so you don’t get hurt

Paul spends a weak apologizing

He always hates his temper but it’s been a lot better since you came along

They all become better people with you around- but not because you force them to be, because they want to be with you around

They love you wholeheartedly and that’s all that truly matters

You guys live a long happy life together and no one will ever tear you apart

Word count: 4,571

(sighs in having 20 drafts but ADHD brain won’t let you finish any, also I hope you like it ^^ @shamelessloverhairdopainter sorry I haven’t completed any of your other requests yet but trust me I’m trying to write every free chance I get, everyone have a good day and stay safe y’all)

[let-me-luve-you]

12 Days. 13 Gifts.

Jensen Ackles x Reader

Summary: Jensen has a surprise for you on Christmas day and he hides it through the 12 Days of Christmas.

Warnings: mentions of smut, making out, pure fluff, talks of religion because of the songs meaning, umm I think that’s it but if there is more and I missed it please let me know since I wrote this over a week.

Word Count: 6527

A/N: I know that the 12 Days of Christmas technically start on Christmas day and go on until the new year, but I did it before Christmas and have it end on Christmas. This kind of got a mind of its own once I started writing it. I didn’t plan for it to be this long but once I started writing, the words just flowed. I looked up the meanings on my own. I tried to keep most of the religion out of it so people would be comfortable reading it so I briefly mention the meaning and then make it what Jensen thinks of the reader. I didn’t proof read this so if there are mistakes, I’m sorry. This took me days to write with a 4 day break in-between due to working 14 hour days. I hope you guys enjoy.

@spnchristmasbingo​

MASTERLIST

SPN Christmas Bingo 2020

Jensen was away filming Supernatural. They decided to do an extra episode before winter break so they wouldn’t have to come back until February. You missed him like crazy, but you were just grateful you were to get a little bit more time with him in the new year.

You worked for Gen so you were able to spend a lot of time with someone that understood missing their significant other. You also loved spending time with the little ones and helping Gen with her and Jared’s three children.

You were sitting at home doing some housework when you heard the doorbell. You made your way down the stairs to the front door of yours and Jensen’s shared home. You looked through the peephole and saw a delivery truck leaving the driveway. You opened the door and saw a small box.

Taking the box to the kitchen, you opened it and saw a tree shaped box full of plastic pears and one partridge in the middle. You pulled the box out and set it on the table. You looked back into the bigger box and found a note. You started reading,

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... a partridge in a pear tree.

I’m sorry I’m not there to join in the Christmas decorations and Christmas activities. I can’t wait to come home and see how beautiful your decorating is. Save some decorating and activities for me. I love you and can’t wait to see you.

J<3

You smiled as you looked pack over to the present your boyfriend gave you. You walked over to the table you weren’t going to decorate because you were going to use it for the buffet on Christmas day when all yours and Jensen’s families come. You set up the box to lean against the wall so people can see it when they come over. You laid the note in front of it, preparing to save it for the rest of your life.

The next day, you had gone out with Gen and the boys to a local farm. Gen was doing a piece on a healthier lifestyle and where it starts. You had your camera with you getting pictures of Tom, Shep, and Odette interacting with each other while they did the activity the tour guide set up. Soon Gen joined them and you grabbed pictures of that too. After getting the pictures you needed, you put your camera up. Gen took that opportunity to ask you about the package Jensen left for you.

“Did he really send you a gift based on the 12 days of Christmas?” Gen asked.

“Yeah. I was so surprised. I had talked to him that morning and he didn’t let anything on that he was sending something.” You replied. Smiling to yourself as you thought about the thoughtful gift from Jensen.

“Do you think you’ll get the other eleven days?” She asked genuinely.

“I’m not sure.” You said. The kids looked tired and came over asking if it was time to go home. “I guess I’ll find out when I get home.” You laughed as you put Tom on your back and then picked up Odette as Gen picked up Tom. All three kids drained of any energy.

After helping Gen take the kids in, you said your goodbye and headed back to the house. When you pulled in the garage you noticed a package on the front porch. You eagerly walked from the garage to the front door to get the package. Walking back to the kitchen, you cut open the box and saw two turtle doves with their heads touching. You picked them up to admire the beauty of the glass piece. You gently set it down on the counter and looked in the box for the second note.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me... two turtle doves.

Did you know turtle doves symbolize friendship and love and you are supposed to give it to a special person? And as long as both of us keep our turtle doves, we will be friends forever? You’re my best friend so I give the other one to you. Mine is attached to yours so we can keep them safe. I plan on staying best friends for life so don’t lose yours. I love you baby. See you soon.

J<3

You happily picked up the two turtle doves and the note and smiled as you set them next to the pear tree. You grabbed your phone and texted him “safe and sound. Love you.” Jensen quickly replied back with the heart eyes emoji.

You loved your gifts so far. You loved that the note explained what it symbolizes. You didn’t know that, you just knew the song. You hoped you would get more incite on the other days as well. That is, if you get more packages.

The next day, you were editing Gen’s photos when the doorbell rang. You weren’t expecting anyone so you assumed it was a package. You quickly hopped up from the computer and ran to the front door. You were already wearing a giant smile. As you opened the door you saw three giant boxes. You gently brought them into the foyer of the house. Too big and too heavy to move throughout the house. You opened the box that was labeled “box one.” You saw a giant iron french hen in the box as well as a note on top.

You grabbed the note and set it on the table by the door. You decided to pull out the french hen to see what it looked like. You looked it over and noticed Faith was engraved in the side.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me... three french hens.

Faith. Hope. Love. These are what the three french hens represent. I have faith in us. I hope you’ll love me for the rest of your life. And I love you more than words can describe.

Also sorry these are so big. I couldn’t find smaller ones. I figured these would look good in the yard.

J<3

You laughed at his little p.s. note. You went to put the note on the table with the rest. You grabbed the first hen and took it outside. You decided that putting them next to the walkway would be the best place until you get out the spring yard decorations.

Another day at home called for deep cleaning the guest rooms and the guest bathrooms. Only your parents and Jensen’s were staying at the house. Both of your siblings and their families were going to be staying at a hotel.

You had been cleaning for hours. You wanted a break and it seemed like fate wanted me to have a break too. Just as you were walking to the kitchen, the doorbell rang. Walking to the front door to get day four of gifts, you opened it and grabbed the package. You finished your walk to the kitchen and set the box on the counter. You walked to the fridge to grab some water before returning to the package. Today, you were tired, so you were a little slower on opening the package.

Once you had the box open, you saw a statue of four black birds. There was a button located on the side. You pressed it, kind of scared of what sounds it was going to make. You laughed as you heard a variety of bird sounds. You looked for the note and pulled it out of the box.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... four calling birds.

I did my research for this one and not much is on it. There are a lot of representations. Anyways, here are some blackbirds to join the collection that I hope you’re keeping. I love you. See you a lot sooner than you know.

J<3

You laughed at his note, just picturing him struggling to find the significance of the calling birds. You did as you had done before and set the statue and the note down next to the previous gifts. You smiled at your little collection you had built. You just knew this was going to be something you set up every year at Christmas. Notes and all.

The following day at the Padalecki house, you were helping decorate the tree with the boys and Odette while Gen went to get last minute Christmas gifts. You let the kids decorate it while you took photos. You were trying not to laugh as you noticed only the bottom half of the tree decorated. You prayed that Gen and Jared would leave it like that.

You heard the garage door and assumed it was Gen coming home. You laughed as Tom and Shep argued over where the reindeer ornament went. Odette walked towards the box of ornaments but stopped short and looked at something behind you.

“DADDY!” She yelled as you turned around to see Jared standing there with a smile on his face. He dropped his bag and bent down to pick up his daughter.

“Hey baby girl. Having fun decorating the tree?” He asked. She nodded her head and smiled at Jared. “Are you guys being good for Y/N?” All three answered yes in unison. You laughed.

“Have a good trip?” You asked him as he set Odette down. She ran off to join her brothers again.

“I did. Jay’s at home. I know you haven’t seen him in a while.” He said as he walked over to give you a hug and a kiss on the head. “Why don’t you go home? I can take over from here. I may be needed for the branches they can’t reach.” You both laughed as you looked at the naked top of the tree.

“Thanks Jare. Has Gen talked to you about coming to dinner tomorrow night?” You asked as you packed up your camera.

“She did. We figured we could come a little early to help out with whatever.”

“You can come early but you aren’t allowed to help.” You laughed as he frowned. “I have most of the decorations up. The rest are left for Jensen to do tonight. I just want some good ole family time. I haven’t seen you in forever and I know the kids want to see their Uncle Jensen.”

“We love Uncle Jensen!” Shep yelled.

“Is he here?” Tom asked.

You shook your head no. “No T, he’s not. But you will see him tomorrow. If you’re good for your parents tonight and tomorrow, I’ll have some cookies for you guys to decorate after dinner.” All three yelled in celebration.

“We’ll be good. Promise.” Shep said as he ran over to give you a hug. “Bye aunt Y/N. Love you.”

“Love you to Sheppy. I’ll see all of you tomorrow.” You said as you smiled at Jared and made your way to your car.

The drive to your house was short seeing as Jensen and Jared wanted to live close to each other. When you drove up, you didn’t see a package on the porch. You did smile though when you saw Jensen’s car in his spot in the garage. You walked into the house to see five small boxes on the coffee table with Jensen sitting on the couch next to them.

You ran over and hugged Jensen’s neck hard. “I missed you so much. Did you have a good flight?”

Jensen dug his head into your neck. You heard a mhmm as a response before you felt a kiss on your neck. He pulled back and gave you a soft kiss on your lips. “I missed you baby.” He kissed you again. “Can’t wait to spend the break with you and only you.”

“You do realize in a week's time we will have a full house of people.” You laughed. He shrugged before smirking at you. He turned to look at the gifts laying on the coffee table. You hopped off his lap and sat next to him, reaching for the boxes.

You picked them up and realized they were ring boxes. You opened it up to see a gold ring with a goldfinch bird on it. You pulled it out to observe it. Jensen was observing you. You had a huge smile on your face. You quickly opened all of the boxes and saw each ring was similar but the bird was positioned differently on each.

“These are beautiful Jense. Now where’s my note?” You asked eagerly. Jensen laughed as he handed it to you before he wrapped an arm around you and pulled you close.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... five golden rings.

The golden rings represent the yellow rings around a pheasant’s neck or a pretty little bird known as a goldfinch. A goldfinch symbolizes the importance of positivity, the value of happiness, and the simplicity in life. You are the most positive, happiest, and simplest person I have ever met. I am lucky to know you. You are my goldfinch. I love you.

J<3

You smiled at Jensen before you grabbed the rings and walked to the table that was holding all of the other gifts. You laid the note in front of it. You smiled as you looked over the four days worth of gifts that were in front of you. Jensen wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into his chest.

“I love how you have it set up. I love where you put the hens.” He kissed your temple and squeezed you tighter.

“This is such a great idea. I love the thought you’ve put into it.” You turned in his arms. You placed one hand on his chest and the other on his cheek pulling him towards your lips. You placed a loving kiss on his lips before looking into his eyes. “Thank you for this. I love it.” Jensen smiled at you before he pulled you back into a kiss.

The next morning you woke to the smell of food. Jensen was sitting next to you with a tray full of breakfast food.

“What's all this?” You asked as you sat up.

“You’ve been doing so much around the house, plus working for Gen and helping her with the kids, I thought it's just a small thing I could do for you. And your cooking dinner tonight, so you deserved to spend the morning being pampered.” Jensen said softly. “I also have your sixth gift.”

He handed you a box. You opened it up and saw a glass goose. After picking it up you saw a glass nest with glass eggs in them. You gently put the goose back in the box and pulled out the note.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... six geese a laying.

It may not be six geese, but this is a cool one. The laying of eggs represents life and creation. Together we have created a life. A life that I love and never want to leave. The only way it changes is for the better. I love you.

J<3

You smiled at the note before putting it back in the box. You set the box on the ground before turning to Jensen. “I love the life we’ve built and I love you.” You said as you leaned over and kissed him.

It was day seven already. Jensen had spent most of the day in the garage with Jared, building furniture and toys for the kids Christmas. You had spent most of the day cleaning and prepping for the families to arrive in two days. While cleaning in the living room, you heard both boys come in and go into the kitchen. Jensen came out of the kitchen drinking water and came over to give you a hug.

“Want to open the seventh day?” Jensen asked.

“Is Dean the best Winchester?” You asked back.

“Hey now!” You heard Jared scoff. You looked up to see him leaning against the wall. You laughed when you saw his annoyed face. “What are you doing?”

“Jensen is giving me the 12 Days of Christmas?” You said with a big smile on your face. You walked over to the table and waved Jared over. Jared walked over to see all the gifts. “Jackles, you did this on your own?” He said, shocked.

“Yeah, I did. Don’t sound so surprised. I’m a romantic.” Jensen said while hugging you from behind. He pulled back and went to grab the box from the garage. He set it town on the dining room table. You quickly opened it and saw a big gold swan with six slightly smaller ones around it. You gently set it down and looked for the note.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me... seven swans a-swimming.

Purity. Beauty. Grace. Love. Elegance. You might think I’m talking about you, but really I’m talking about what a swan represents. You are the swan of my life. You are so pure, beautiful, graceful, full of love and elegance. In the world we live in, we need more of you, but I’m glad I have you. Never change my love. I love you.

J<3

You looked up from the note to see Jensen setting the swans on the table next to the other. You walked over and set the note next to the swan. You grabbed Jensen by his cheeks and turned his face towards you. You squeezed his cheeks and gently laid a kiss on his lips.

“You’re the real swan of this relationship. I love you.” You whispered. Jared watching his two best friends with warm eyes.

“Did you just call me a bird?” Jensen joked before kissing you again. You laughed and pulled away. You heard Jared laugh as well. You turned to the big moose.

“I didn’t think I would get all of these since he started this before he came home.” You said to Jared. You turned to Jensen, “This is literally the best gift I’ve ever gotten.”

“It’s only getting better.” Jensen said. You smiled. I’m going to start dinner. Jared you’re welcome to stay and Gen and the kids are welcome to join if you’d like?”

“I would love too, but Gen is actually making stew for dinner. Thanks for the invite though.” He smiled at you as he sat on the couch.

“Well you’re welcome anytime.” You said as you hugged him from behind and kissed his cheek. He grabbed your arm and gave it a squeeze and a pat before you let go. You walked out of the room and to the kitchen.

Jensen sat next to his brother and sat there for a second before he spoke.

“Is everything ready to go for Friday night?” Jensen asked.

“Yup. I’ll let the photographer in the back gate at 6:30. He said to give him 15 minutes to get stuff set up. I told him where you were going to be standing so make sure you stand there. Families know what’s happening and promise to keep it a secret. Gen picked up the ring the other day and I will give it to you when I get here Friday afternoon.” Jared said.

“Perfect. I really appreciate the help with all of this. You and Gen both. I don’t think I could pull off the proposal and the 12 Days of Christmas without you.” Jensen said sincerely.

Jared slapped Jensen on the back before standing up, “I’ll always do anything for you. Plus I’m happy you’re finally proposing. The two of you deserve each other and deserve to be happy.” He started walking towards the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow man. I’m going to go have a lazy night with my wife and kids.”

Jensen smiled at his friends and followed him to the door. Once he saw that Jared was in his truck, he shut and locked the door. He walked into the kitchen to talk with you while you cooked dinner.

Monday morning came too fast. Thankfully Gen gave you the week off. She said if she needed pictures taken, Jared could do it. You woke expecting to spend time with your husband, but he was gone. You walked to the kitchen and saw a note on the counter

Jared called for a morning run. Be back for lunch. Love you.

You smiled and decided you would make a full lunch and you could order out for dinner. You pulled out the ingredients for your favorite meal. You prepped the food within ten minutes before throwing it in the oven for three hours. You would make the rolls and salad when it was closer to lunch.

You decided today would be a lazy day of watching movies and casually wrapping Christmas presents for yours and Jensen’s family. When Jensen said he would be coming home from filming later than normal, you used your free time to wrap his presents so he couldn’t snoop. His presents were already under the tree.

You pushed the coffee table towards the love seat to create room for wrapping. You then went to the closet and got all the presents out and the wrapping paper. After setting everything down, you went down to the office to get the scissors and tape. Finally you were able to sit down and relax and wrap. You decided to watch all of the classic Christmas movies while you were wrapping since you hadn’t really seen any this year.

When Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer ended, you decided to put Frosty the Snowman on next. Jensen walked in right when it started and he was holding a box. He smiled at you before he set it down in front of you before sitting next to you.

You ripped open the box to see eight maids milking a cow. You noticed the tail was curled like you could hold it and then you realized that it had a small hole on top.

“This is so cute that it might get used all year round.” You said looking at the piece that was made to hold milk or cream for coffee or tea. Jensen smiled at you and then handed you the note. “Oh my favorite part.” You beamed.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... eight maids a milking.

In the 15th and 16th century in England, “lets go-a-milking” meant “let’s get married.” One day I want to go-a-milking. I want to see you walk down that aisle to our forever. I love you so much.

J<3

You looked up at Jensen with tears in your eyes. He gently put his hand on your cheek and you leaned into his touch.

“This isn’t a proposal, but one day I will. I will give you forever.” He said before leaning in to give you a kiss with so much love.

“And when that day comes, I will say yes to our forever.” You smiled at him.

He smiled at you before he turned to see what you were doing before, “Put me to work so we can have a lazy movie day after lunch.” You laughed and told him to start wrapping.

Tuesday you woke up early. Going straight to the kitchen to start the coffee. You looked at the clock and noticed that it was only six in the morning. You groaned knowing it was going to be a long day, but you had to get things done before family arrived. You pulled out a notepad and pen and started a list for groceries you would need for the time everyone is here. You then made another list for the Christmas food you would need for Christmas Eve night and Christmas lunch and dinner.

You sighed before taking a drink of your coffee. You set it down and laid your head on the counter trying to get motivated to start the day's work. You felt arms wrap around you from behind. You sat up and leaned against your boyfriend.

“Why are you up so early?” He whispered, giving you a gentle kiss on the neck.

“Too much to do. I’m about to go to the grocery store, but I needed a list and coffee first.” You replied.

“Since when is the grocery store open this early?” He asked as he pulled away and got some coffee.

“Since it’s the holidays. I want to go when it opens so it’s not so busy. Not very many show up at 7 am.” You replied. “I just need to go get dressed.”

“Let me finish my coffee and I’ll go with you.” You were about to tell him he didn’t have to when he interrupted you. “No. Don’t say I don’t have to. I want to help. You are putting in so much work so we can host our families for Christmas. Just tell me what to do.” You smiled at him and thanked him before moving back upstairs to change clothes.

Later that afternoon, you started working on prepping food so all you had to do for two dinners and a lunch was to put them in the oven to cook them. Jensen walked into the kitchen before you could truly get started and he dragged you to the table holding the 12 Days of Christmas gifts.

You saw a medium size box and Jensen nodded for you to open it. You pulled out a jewelry box. When you opened it you saw a ballerina and it turned as the music played.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... nine ladies dancing

Today’s part of the song stands for the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit. They stand for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. You are the love of my life and you give me so much love. You give me joy. You bring me peace. You are so patient with me. You give me so much kindness, even when I don’t deserve it. You bring so much good to the world and to me. You have faith in me when I don’t even have faith in myself. You’re gentle with me when I need it. And you have self control to not let your emotions overcome you to where you say or do something you would regret. (I don’t know how you have self control when I’m around though *wink wink*).

I love watching you dance around the kitchen when you cook, the bathroom when you are getting ready, and the living room when you are cleaning. You have danced your way into my heart and I hope you never dance out. I love you baby.

J<3

You walked up and hugged him. “You say all these kind things about me, when these almost match what I think about you.” You said into his chest.

“I can’t even compare to you baby.” He kissed the top of your head. “Okay. Let me help prep food so we can have a calm night. Mom told me they will be here by 10 tomorrow morning. And your dad said they’d be here around lunch. So let’s finish so we can enjoy our little alone time.”

The next morning, you were doing some last minute cleaning before Jensen’s parents arrived. You were cleaning the leftover breakfast dishes when you heard the doorbell. You were about to stop what you were doing when you heard Jensen get it.

“Hey guys.” You heard your boyfriend say to his parents.

“Hi baby. Where’s Y/N?” You heard his mom ask.

“I think she was doing something in the kitchen.” He responded. You heard someone walking towards you and decided to dry your hands and give a proper welcome to his parents.

“Y/N! How have you been?” Donna said as she stepped into the room.

“I’m good Donna. How was the trip?” You asked.

She nodded, “It was good. Is there anything I can help you with dear?”

“I think I’m good for now. Jensen has been a doll and has been helping me with everything. I think now we can go into the living room and talk. My parents should be here shortly.” You said guiding her to the living room.

After an hour of talking, your parents arrived. Your mom and Donna instantly started catching up when your mom turned and saw the table of gifts. She got up and walked over to it which drew Donna’s attention as well.

“What’s all this?” Your mom asked.

“Jensen has been doing the 12 Days of Christmas for me.” You said as Jensen came and wrapped his arms around you and gave you a kiss on the head.

“Well isn’t that sweet and romantic.” Your mom cooed. “Y/N, your dad never did anything like this for me, I know you’ve been dating for a few years, but if I haven’t said it before, he’s a keeper.”

You laughed as Donna agreed. You all decided to go grab lunch. Both sets of parents were catching you up on everything that was happening in their lives and your siblings lives. When you returned from lunch, your parents both went to their rooms to unpack and get comfortable. Jensen took you into the dining room where you saw another box.

When you opened it up, you saw ten leaping men as a tin decoration. You smiled and set it on the other table with the other gifts. You went back to the box and found the note.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... ten lords a leaping

These ten lords a leaping represent the ten commandments. But I have to be honest. I instantly thought about how you leaped your way into my heart. I also thought about how I would leap over mountains and oceans for you. Anything to make sure you are happy and feel loved. I still love you.

J<3

You smiled at Jensen and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He pulled you into him and gave you a heart stopping kiss. One kiss led to another and the next thing you know he has you sitting on the table with him between your legs making out. You had no care in the world. Just enjoying this small moment with your boyfriend. Jensen pulled away and your head jerked to the left when you heard a throat being cleared. Your face burned red when you saw your dad and Alan standing there.

It was finally Christmas Eve. Jensen decided since the house would be full of your siblings and nieces and nephews, he was going to give you your present this morning. He quietly got up and turned off your alarm. He walked down to the garage where he was hiding the presents and got the one labeled day eleven.

He walked back upstairs passing his mom. He stopped and gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her to make herself at home. He walked back towards your shared bedroom. He saw you sleeping so peacefully and he felt bad for waking you, but he wanted you to have this moment. He loved being able to share these few minutes with you. Seeing your eyes light up when you saw the present. He didn’t think it was possible for them to light up anymore than they already were until he saw you read the note. He knew you loved the gifts, but he loved that you loved the hand written notes and thought into what these gifts mean.

Jensen leaned over and kissed your face gently while rubbing your arm. “Come on baby. Open your eyes for me.” He said softly as he watched you try to wake up. You opened your eyes and blinked a few times before looking up at Jensen. “There she is.”

“Hi.” You whispered.

“Hi.” Jensen whispered back before giving you a soft kiss. “I wanted to give you your present before everyone got here. I like having the privacy for it.” You nodded and moved to sit up and lean against the headboard.

Jensen handed you the box. You tiredly smiled at him as you took it. You opened it up and found a medium wooden box. You opened it up and saw eleven wind instruments made out of wood. You smiled admiring the beauty of them. You moved onto the note that was laying in the bigger box.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me... eleven pipers piping

I learned today that eleven is considered an unlucky number because it’s one less than a dozen and one more than the number ten, which apparently is a fan favorite. These pipers stand for the faithful disciples. I hope you take this meaning as knowing I am faithful to you. I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you or to break your heart. I love you.

J<3

You smiled at the note before setting it and the boxes on the bedside table. You pulled Jensen to you and you gave him a lazy kiss while trying to fix his bed head.

“How about you show me how faithful you are before everyone wakes up and the others arrive.” You smirked at him. He lunged at you as you giggled. “It would be my pleasure.”

It was Christmas evening and you had noticed Jensen getting a little bit restless. He had been like that all day. You just thought it was because of all the people in the house, but when Jared showed up he got even more antsy. A little after six, you decided to pull him aside.

“Jense, come here.” You said waving him towards the stairs. You led him to the bedroom and sat him on the bed. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You’ve just been restless all day. You almost look nervous.” You said rubbing your finger over the frown lines on his foreheads.

“I’m fine. Just feel weird having all these people here.” He said leaning up to give you a kiss. He turned to look at the clock on the beside and saw that it was 6:30. He knew Jared was now letting the photographer in the backyard. “Do you want day twelve?” You smiled and nodded.

When Jensen handed you the last box, you ripped it open and found twelve miniature drums stacked on one another. You pulled it out and admired its beauty of different colors. Jensen then picked up the note out of the box and then reached for your hands.

“Come on. I got a surprise for you outside.” You linked your fingers with his and smiled. When you walked through the living room to the backdoor, everyone watched on.

Jensen led you to the middle of the yard under the lights he hung last weekend. You heard music start playing through the outdoor speakers and you looked up to see Jared standing on the porch.

“You kids have fun out here. Just not too much fun.” He said while wiggling his eyebrows. You laughed and turned back to Jensen.

“May I have this dance?” He asked, holding his hand out. You nodded. “You know Y/N/N, you are the one thing in my life that can make me truly happy. There have been plenty of days that have been complete crap and I see you or call you and I instantly feel like I had the best day of my life. You listen to me and give me words of advice and encouragement. You love me when I don’t think I deserve to be loved.”

“You’ll always deserve love, Jense and I will spend the rest of our days reminding you of that.” You said. He smiled. He stopped dancing with you to hand you the last note. He turned you around and wrapped his arms around you. When you started to read it, he let go.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... twelve drummers drumming

The meaning of this one comes from the Apostles' Creed. I’ll let you look that one up while I tell you what drumming means to me when it comes to you.

You walk to the beat of your own drum. You are the beat of my heart. Your love is a drum and I never want to miss a beat. Now it’s time for your heart to skip a beat in a good way.

I really love you.

J<3

Now turn around baby.

You turned around and gasped when you saw Jensen on one knee holding up a box with a beautiful ring inside.

“Y/N/N baby. I did the 12 Days of Christmas to show you how I see you. To show you what you mean to me. I want to love you for the rest of my life and beyond. I want to be your shoulder to cry on. I want to comfort you when you need it. I want to be part of the reason for that beautiful smile. Will you let me love and care for you for the rest of our lives? Will you marry me Y/N/N?”

You felt tears rush down your face as you smiled.

“Yes. A million times yes Jense.” He smiled and put the ring on your left ring finger. He stood up and wrapped his arms around your waist and picked you up spinning you in circles. You put your hands on his face and leaned down to kiss him. “I love you.” You whispered to him as you stared into his eyes.

You heard cheering from the porch. With Jensen still holding you, you both looked up and smiled at your family.

“It’s about time.” You heard Jared yell as he walked down to hug the two of you. “I’ve had to keep this secret for so long.” “You knew?!” You asked, shocked.

“Jensen planned it all, just needed some assistance so you wouldn’t find out. He knows you don’t like surprises and you don’t like waiting for presents.” Jared said while laughing. You shrugged knowing he was right.

You turned back to Jensen and he wrapped his arms around you. “Thank you for making me the happiest man in the world. I can’t wait to call you Mrs. Ackles.”

You smiled at your fiance before giving him one last kiss. You turned towards the rest of the family that followed Jared. You gave everyone a hug and thanked them as they congratulated the both of you. You saw Jensen talking with your brother and Jared and you smiled at him. Even though you were now making it official, both of you were already a part of each other's families.

This was a Christmas you would never forget.