#and tbh I can apply it pretty well to being aroace as well

[indis-vines]

Being aroace kind of sucks sometimes...

Like I want to have someone that I can be close to in that way, who cares about me romantically that I can reciprocate

But yknow I don't get to have that :[[

Like I'm happy with my friends and family I love them all dearly but sometimes I'd like someone who I can have that level of relationship with without it being just friends know ://

[impishtubist]

I’m totally gonna write Aroace Sirius (and don’t worry, it won’t be Tonks/Remus bc as an aroace person, I frequently forget romance is a thing so it’s pretty much a net zero romantic relationship thing going on in my tics. Everyone’s single since I forget attraction exists) one day, and it is going to include late Hogwarts era-Sirius always wondering why the hell everyone wants him to care about trivial shit when he’s 90% sure his cousin is one of the people out committing homicide which is a trifle awkward considering everything. Amortentia lesson rolls around and Sirius disdainfully looks around at everyone being lovestruck and thinks to himself “this smells like the ingredients, you people just need more self-control.” It will go through his adulthood as well, Sirius is very disdainful of any romantic drama going on and wants to know why people are worrying about this when his godson is at the center of a war. Put your effort about learning if your boyfriend is cheating into saving Harry’s life and maybe you’ll live long enough for the possible cheating to be an issue (that’s also his consolation sometimes. Pure “yeah, he’s probably banging your friend, but if Voldemort wins, we’ll all be dead so it won’t be a problem anymore”)

James: Lily and I have a date to Hogsmeade next weekend

Sirius, staring at the newspaper with a headline loudly proclaiming that a bunch of people in robes and masks attacked Diagon Alley two days ago, killing 17 people: I’m thrilled for you mate, truly I am, but do you think we can apply our DADA lessons to actual fighting for the war going on pretty much right outside, or should we be scouting the books to find and learn more defensive/offensive spells? Also, we have a Charms essay due on Monday, don’t forget it. Maybe we can ask Flitwick for advice on fighting spells, I’m going to go ask right now actually. Have fun on your date though

"Everyone’s single since I forget attraction exists" moooooooooooood

I live for fics where everyone is single tbh. Sirius has more important shit going on! Also I live for a Sirius who has like too many hobbies and interests going on? He's taking his seat on the Wizengamot and opening a magical creature rescue and adopting a bunch of orphans and dogs and remodeling Grimmauld Place and studying ancient runes and going to Quidditch matches and raising his godson and what do you mean you want him to also date????? He's living his best, fullest life and that does not include romance or sex.

Also it gives comedic potential to Harry coming up to him like "Sirius I need advice about dating" and Sirius being like "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ask Arthur I can't help you with that"

[a-master-procrastinator]

Pride asks for Xaele, Kyira, Bal’sara: 4 and 10

and for you: 14 and 17

💜

4. Is your oc's environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?

Well, Kyira isn't queer, so I'm not sure this question applies here. (although she's flattered if she gives off queer vibes)

Xaele, agenderfluid asexual lesbian, they/them or she/her

(Congratulations, this question made me reevaluate their identity, so it's different from what I previously said)

With Xaele it's more interesting. Admittedly, I don't know enough Chiss lore, so no idea how they treat queer identities. I want to think that it has little meaning in their society, and that could lead Xaele to not question their identity bc it's irrelevant. When it comes to Imperial Intelligence, they were a little concerned that Xaele might not use seduction when it is useful bc of their asexuality. However, it's not a big problem for Xaele - while she doesn't like it, she sacrifices a lot more than just comfort for the job.

It did influence the way they see intimacy - as a tool, not something they can actually enjoy for the sake of pleasure. When it comes up in the relationship with Lana, it needs a lot of work. Takes a lot of trust and learning from Xaele to do it, but in the end it works out.

Bal'sara, bisexual cis woman, she/her

First, I'll give my thoughts about how Jedi probably view this in general, and then how it impacted Bal specifically.

I don't see the Jedi being homo/trans/aphobic bc why would they be? Jedi strive for knowledge, to understand the world around them and within them. They seek to achieve harmony, and that can't be done if you do not know yourself or have an internal conflict. Pretty sure the Jedi teach younglings and padawans about different identities and all that, so they wouldn't feel scared or confused or misunderstood when discovering their own identities.

As to how it impacted Bal'sara - positively. When she started having doubts and questions about her identity, she went to either her master or whoever was in charge of teaching this stuff, and they helped her navigate through this. In her free time Bal did more self-exploration, tried different things, and before she was knighted, she was already confident in her identity as cisgender bisexual woman.

10. Does your oc celebrate Pride? How?

I'm not sure how I would approach the concept of Pride in Star Wars (and tbh I know little about it irl), so this is more of 'what if my characters existed in real life'.

Xaele - probably not, they have too much going on and no time or energy to celebrate. She appreciates its existence though.

Kyira - tags along with her queer friends if they celebrate.

Bal'sara - hell yeah she would celebrate with her girlfriend.

14. Do you have ocs on the aro or ace spectrum?

Yes! Their number grew bigger especially after me realizing that I'm ace and learning more about nuances in ace and aro spectrums. Admittedly, I don't have a lot of aromantic characters, but maybe it's bc they haven't told me yet.

Xaele, Myk and Rykeer are asexual; Shailla and Drechard are demisexual; Auletta and Lorri are aroace.

Also, I'm beginning to think Jett is somewhere on the asexual spectrum as well, but no specific label yet (maybe grey asexual?)

And Jaria strikes me as aromantic, but I'm reluctant about this bc for now she would be my only aromantic OC, and that's a bit problematic, considering her personality. (yeah, I have two aroace characters, but to me aroace is a little different to asexual or aromantic)

17. Do you share identity with any of your ocs? Which ones?

Well, I'm not yet completely set in my identity (it's mostly to do with aromantic spectrum and gender identity), but any asexual character has this in common with me (see above).

[ynde]

I think we maybe put too much emphasis on sexual and gender identity labels sometimes. I know that for some people learning about an identity really helps them. They read or hear about something for the first time and it's like everything suddenly makes sense. "That's me! That's why I feel this way! I get it now!" But understanding yourself without having a label for it works just as well, and can feel less inflexible.

Like when I went from a teen who had never really had a crush and wasn't interested in dating anyone to an adult who suddenly had three mild crushes at once, that could have upended my entire idea of self--if I'd been invested in being aroace. Which I wasn't, because I'd never heard of such a thing and just figured I had no need to be dating anyone so who cared? (tbh I still think I am probably some form of aspec. but I haven't tried to figure out exactly where I fit because it wouldn't change anything about how I actually live my life)

I guess...labels can help you explain to other people how you feel and think. They might even help you explain how you feel and think to yourself. But you shouldn't try to fit into a label, even if you're pretty sure it applies to you, and you definitely shouldn't try to keep yourself inside the bounds of a label if it starts to feel like it doesn't fit. Just do your best to understand what you actually want (as opposed to what people tell you you should want) and take that into account (but don't use it as your sole guide) when deciding what to DO. Don't do things simply because most people in your society do them, but also don't do things simply because "that's what [label] people do."

I'll never understand why people assume that something being a phase is a bad thing, especially when it comes to identity. because the thing is that our lives are made up of phases - they always have and always will. nothing, and i mean nothing, stay's completely the same forever. it's always changing ever so slightly - we are always changing ever so slightly.

We grew up in phases. We would grow up and maybe we liked robots as a kid but then as we grew up we instead decided dinosaurs were cooler - you didn't see people getting up in arms about how a kid liking something was just a phase and why that made their experience with that interest invalid.

We grow up choosing random jobs that we think would be cool as a kid but then as we get older we tend to choose something completely different - no one ever shut down those dream jobs for kids because it's understood that changing your mind isn't a bad thing. It's not bad to say "i want to be an astronaut" and then change that later. No one makes a big deal about "how do you know you actually want to be an astronaut, though?" because that's seen as a silly question to be asking.

it shouldn't be any different for identity. "How do you know you're aromantic?" how do you know you're straight? how do you know you won't change your mind later and realize something about yourself as you grow as a person?

sure, i'm aroace now. That may stay the same it may not. I'm a human being who grows and changes just like you are. Just like we all are. that's the whole point, isn't it? to grow and change?

So what if being aro or ace is a phase. The experience isn't any less valid. it still helped build me as a person. my life was richer because of it, even if it was temporary. I'd rather grow as a person and be happy than feel miserable because I forced myself into stagnation.

[tspokemonau]

Other Important Characters

In the games, there are tooons and tons of support characters we meet, such as the Champions, the Professors, and other prominent characters. How do some of them come into play with this AU?

Leon

So what do we know about Leon in the game?

Leon participated in the Gym Challenge with Sonia (Logan, in this AU) and won on his first time. He also trained on the Isle of Armor under Mustard. Aside from that, I don’t think there’s much else we know (but fee free to correct me if I’m wrong).

In this AU, all of this still applies- however what we don’t know is what his relationship with Sonia was like in the past. We can tell they’re not as close as they used to be (which may not be the case in this AU), but is this a newer development? Or did they just tolerate each other as rivals back then?

For the purpose of this AU, I have decided that with Logan’s lore, it would drastically help him to have had a good friend like Leon, so in this take, they were very close friends when they were younger- Logan even joined Leon when he travelled to the Isle of Armor (an event that takes place after Leon becomes champion in this AU... idk if it’s canon in the games that he went before or not but???)! And while they may not be as close as they were when they were kids, Leon is always willing to stand up for his old friend if he’s in a pinch.

Leon’s team, as you may know, varies depending on which starter you choose at the start of the game. If you already have seen Thomas’s (Your Character™️ in Sword and Shield) and Joan’s (Hop) teams, you’ll know that Thomas has a Cinderace, and Hop has a Rillaboom. As such I feel it’s fitting to give Leon the team he has if you choose Cinderace-

Aegislash

Dragapult

Mr. Rime

Inteleon

Haxorus

And you can’t forget Charizard!

Professor Magnolia

Just as in the games, Magnolia is Sonia/Logan’s grandmother, and the prominent Pokemon Professor of Galar. We really don’t know much about where Sonia’s parents are (or if they’re still around) in game, so I of course took it upon myself to create angsty lore for Logan (he’s my favorite character, apparently this is pretty typical of us Logan Stans). If you wanna learn more about Logan’s parents, check out this post- however, big trigger warning for abu$e!

So, after Logan was taken out of his parent’s custody, he was naturally taken to a relative who could care for him- in this case, Magnolia, in the Galar region, who then raised him from the age of seven. From then on, the lore goes along pretty well with what we know from the games, and then she gives Logan her lab coat and retires from being a Professor, outside of giving Logan advice when he needs it.

Professors Kukui and Burnet (and technically Roman and Remus’s mom I guess)

Ah yes, the Alola Professors. Really, the lore for these two goes along well with not just the games... but the anime too? Note: possible spoilers for episodes of Pokemon Journeys not released in English on Netflix in this section!

For their general backstory that is mainly irrelevant to this AU, they met because they were both Professors, it was basically love at first sight and then later Kukui proposes on the beach and they have a beach wedding blah blah blah all the sappy romantic stuff (I’m aroace I’m sorry-).

The important part of their backstory is then their relationship to an OC for this AU- Roman and Remus’s mother, who is a minor, minor character in this AU (in other words I won’t talk about her very much). However I will give her a name just to make it easier for me to talk about her, and her name will be... Sarah. I guess.

Burnet and Sarah met before Burnet met Kukui and became great friends. Of course, after Sarah meets Kukui, the two also become fast friends, and now Sarah is of course a Family Friend™️. Flash forward a few years and Sarah meets a man, falls in love, and has twins. Then the husband... we’ll say leaves because he has grander dreams than raising two twin boys (in other words he’s an a**hole). Of course, Kukui and Burnet step in to help Sarah raise the boys when they can!

And then a fateful day comes when Kukui and Burnet meet Remy (see the post linked in Magnolia’s section for more information on that). They adopt Remy, and since Remy is the same age as the twins, they all become fast friends.

And then a few years after Remy’s adoption, Kukui and Burnet finally have a child of their own- Remy’s little brother, Lei (whose name may be changed if it’s different in English, I don’t know what’s gonna happen with that tbh and we won’t know until March).

That’s pretty much all to know about the Alola Professors. The plot of Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon does happen, but before the AU. And not much changes, other than Remus being the extra Elite Four member instead of the one golfer. So yeah!

Extra Characters who idk if I’m including them in the story or not we’ll have to see

Serena and Shauna (Patton’s neighbors, I guess)

Diantha (still Champion of Kalos when this AU takes place)

Any of the Gym Leaders/Trial Captains from gens 6, 7, or 8

Anyway yeah! Extra info about extra characters! Hope you enjoyed!

[fire-fira]

Nonbinary Awareness Week Day 6: Nonbinarity in Relation to the World

What is my sexuality and how do I relate to the terminology around sexuality?:

I’m asexual and aromantic, which probably simplifies things for me by a lot.

More specifically, I’m a sex-repulsed ace and a romance-neutral aro-- but I am in a mixed queerplatonic/romantic committed relationship and am engaged. (It’s queerplatonic on my end and romantic on hers, and I love her to pieces and want to explode anytime someone implies our relationship ‘isn’t real’ because of my being an aroace. She’s the single-most important person to me and anyone who dares to say I don’t love her can fuck right off.)

My fiance is a lesbian, but her being primarily attracted to women has no bearing on me. She loves me and wants to spend her life with me, and to me that’s all that really matters (as in I have absolutely zero feelings of inadequacy over the fact that I’m not a woman when she’s generally attracted to women).

Even if I weren’t aroace, I don’t think I’d ever call myself ‘straight’ or ‘gay’. 1) Because (nonsensical as it is) I still have it ingrained from when I was a kid that me being the type of enby I am makes it impossible for me to be straight, and 2) to my mind in order to be gay I’d have to be attracted to someone of the same gender (and considering how specific my gender is, that’s kind of a difficult possibility). And yes, I know that’s me taking said terms in way too narrow a definition (tbh I don’t apply said terms so narrowly to others and interpret them as far more broad in that context), but that’s just kind of how it works out in my head specifically in relation to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Does my nonbinarity influence my relationship with my body and the terminology around it?:

Unquestionably, yes. I have an educational background that has made me comfortable with saying accurate terms for specific body parts without any cutesy or crude colloquialisms, but I find that applying some of those terms (regardless of how accurate another person may view them to be) is dysphoria-inducing and uncomfortable as hell. A breast is a breast on a woman, man, or enby regardless of tissue and fat placement, but I can only ever bring myself to refer to my chest as my chest. The same is true for other parts of my body, and I think a large part of it is due to how ridiculously over-gendered some body parts are. That, and it took me a long damn time to be able to look at my body and see it just as a nonbinary body.

And seeing my body as just a nonbinary body? That has helped immensely with some of the dysphoria I have (and had). (And thank gods for having gotten past some really unpleasant dysphoria-based impulses, because those thoughts were HELL.)

What’s my relationship with gender roles? Do I fulfill a more traditionally feminine or masculine role, both, or something else completely?:

I’d have to say it’s something else completely for me. I know there are things I do and ways I behave that could be interpreted as either feminine or masculine, but I honestly don’t think of myself or my behavior in those terms.

Then again, I’ve spent a large chunk of my life picking apart internalized unnecessarily gendered crap and throwing gendered ideologies to the side. I know how to sew, crochet, and do embroidery (I’m not the best out there, but I do passably well) and when I’m in the mood for any of those things it’s enjoyable, but I don’t see those things as inherently feminine. Just like how I know how to throw a punch, can generally figure out how something is put together if I have to take it apart, and am a giant freaking nerd who isn’t above cackling over impressive explosions on tv or in movies-- none of which are things I interpret as inherently masculine (though I know a lot of people might).

Ultimately the concepts of femininity and masculinity are really weird to me. I just am how I am, do what I do, and enjoy what I enjoy regardless of any concept of whether it’s feminine or masculine. That said, there are some things that feel ‘too’ feminine or masculine for my tastes as something I’d want to do (or wear since it’s usually in relation to clothes), but those are usually cases of something just not being for me and that’s okay.

I will say that for my perspective on my ‘gender role’ I feel like a big part of it is in educating, mediating, and being helpful. Me helping others understand things around my areas of knowledge is as much a part of it as me knowing more first aid than most and being able to use it when needed. Which may sound a little strange, but it’s the way I feel and it is what it is. (Plus green and nature. Those tie in really strongly for me as well, in that same sort of association of pink and blue to binary genders.)

How is my presentation (e.g. clothes, makeup, (body/facial) hair, mannerisms) related to my nonbinarity?:

Whoo boy. This is probably going to get longer than I want it to. idk.

Clothes-- it’s a complicated mix of trying to be read as nonbinary and not-white as possible, which means for a long time it was a lot of just t-shirts and pants. It still mostly is that (it’s changed a little and gotten a little more sophisticated as I’ve gotten older, but it’s still pretty relaxed), and most people can pick up pretty quickly that I’m not what they’d consider feminine.

Makeup-- I generally hate having anything on my face, especially anything I would have to concern myself about smudging, but when it comes to cosplay or Halloween (or acting, or drag shows, etc) then I’m all in. (And I am so freaking grateful that my fiance may as well be a makeup artist, because while I can avoid looking like a clown, my skills aren’t anywhere near her level.)

(Body/facial) hair: - Body hair I generally leave alone aside from my pits and minor landscaping to keep things from getting out of hand; otherwise I don’t care. - In terms of facial hair I have a very light fuzz pretty much all over my face (though you wouldn’t know it unless I decided to take mascara to all of it, and if I did I’d have a pretty obvious-- though thin-- mustache), which I’m completely comfortable with and leave as is. - As for the hair on my head, it’s long (down to about my mid-back currently, though I have had it down to just past my butt plenty of times before) and the most I do with it is basic upkeep (washing, brushing, occasionally pulling it back when warranted, and braiding when I feel like it). I don’t see my long hair as feminine-- I see it as the most obvious external signal I can give that I’m Native, so that’s what I do.

Mannerisms-- Uhhhh... I’m unintentionally too aggressive and intense to be read as remotely feminine. But at the same time I make a genuine effort to be as gentle, comforting, educationally informative, and understanding as possible and I’m ‘too’ comfortable (no such thing in my book) with expressing my emotions, so I’m also unlikely to get read as masculine. I also have a subconscious habit of speaking in a short and clipped manner verbally (which unfortunately can make me come off angry when I’m not), and most of the time my body language is strong, confident, and I allow myself to take up space. I’m sort of a mixed bag of loud and impossible to miss, and yet also quiet and able to retreat and disappear into the background. A lot of people find me intimidating in person before they get to know me, though I try not to intimidate anyone. (Also doesn’t help that when I’m reading or concentrating on something my eyebrows subconsciously pull together, which makes me look-- in my fiance’s words-- like I’m about to murder someone.) So yeah, I’m all over the place.

How often do I think about my gender?:

I would say not all that often these days, but I do think about it when it gets brought up or when I get misgendered. Basically when it’s relevant I think about it, but when it’s not I don’t.

---

[Day 1] [Day 2]

[Day 3] [Day 4]

[Day 5]

[kanadeamo]

headcanons for the 9 main geah users? 🤔 + carol n elfnein IF u like

A Lot of these are probably going to be repetitive bc Symphogear Is Gay BUT:

Hibiki - I can see her as trans and cis pretty equally tbh. Lesbian, the softest soft butch and renowned respecter of women

Tsubasa - Trans lesbian, transitioned young but struggled a lot with self image before she met Kanade. She’s really quiet and nervous about telling new people tbh.

Chris - Cis, AroAce, extremely sex repulsed. I couuuuld see her dating a girl if she did date, but tbh I just don’t see Chris engaging in romance. I do think she’s very cute with the glasses npc girl though in a very noncommittal soft fluffy lighthearted way

Maria - Cis lesbian. Utmost femme.

Shirabe - Cis lesbian. A baby femme.

Kirika - Has a really complicated relationship with gender; doesn’t particularly relate to the concept of being a girl but doesn’t really understand gender stuff well either. Doesn’t like labels in general, only really attracted to Shirabe. Basically just summed up as “I’m me, simple as that”. I HC that Elfnein helps her come to terms with her feelings a bit more confidently though, they’re genderweird buddies.

Miku - Cis lesbian, her concepts of attraction are limited to big loving Hibiki and a puppy crush she had on Kanade as a dorky tween (that she Totally Grew Out Of Yep, Absolutely,)

Kanade - Cis lesbian, who loves literally every girl ever. like. boy. boy thats a big lesbian right there

Serena - Probably femme cis lesbian too 

Carol - Cis girl, [academic voice] we can’t apply sexuality to historical figures though, unfortunately, and theres no way to know how she felt ab-

Elfnein - Born without a gender, doesn’t feel attached to the concept at all. Agender probably most accurately sums up their relationship to their identity but they just don’t think about it or really even care much. Same with sexuality, very indifferent to putting words to that sort of thing.

[unleashed-salt]

To clarify

Hi im [insert nickname i havent picked yet that wont lead people to finding my main as im hoplessly new and not open about being aroace] and i suffer from the Need To Overexplain Myself So That I Will Never Be Misunderstood Despite Having No Followers lmao

When i say something along the line of "im aro and get fucking lonely sometimes" im specefically venting to people i see both online and irl that seems to think im 100% fine with being alone and left out of things and be left behind as friends leave for romantic partners as some sort of permanent third wheel. Like ive said it before i dont experince alterous attraction (im slightly romance repulsed as well), honestly idk where i even classify, but i get lonely very easily (but guess what im also an introvert, which yes means i also need alone time and space these two things dosent cancell each other out ffs). Ive always struggled with making new friends im very aware i just dont get what i need from casual friends and anqiuatances and that i viscerally crave some form of deeper emotional connection with people yet I DONT EXPERIENCE QPR AND ALTEROUS ATTRACTION and that fucks with me in so many hurtful ways. Partially why i dident id as aro for so long was this deep fear that i would never be truly happy in my relations with other people and that i was to easily attention starved to be aro. And when i do try to deepen friendships i feel like im constately stepping over a line beacuse what i want Is What A Large Part Of Society Tell Me Is Wrong And Wierd. Also for the record im not american, or english for that matter i come from a rather closed of culture where unconventional socializing can be very fuckin hard. Things are so easy in the sense that if youre allo theres all these systems set up for you, dating has like a million apps. But hell am i gonna do? Go to the "serious friendship bar"? And then i hear shit like "it gets harder making friends as you grow older" i feel no hope for my future, all my highschool and college friends will leave eventually and theres nothing i can do about it. i cant even imagine it. Ive never in my life ever meet another irl aro (and then aros arent all the same what i want isent what others always want) , hell sometimes i wonder if there even are any in my country. I attend pride and all i see is ace flags and nothing else. And sure i can read a million posts on how "friendships can be as deep as you like" and yeah i agree 100% but actually finding someone else that think that is not as easy honestly makes most of these posts just useless to me on bad days.

So to round things off sometimes id just whis it was aknowledged with all these posetivety posts floating around just how being aro fucks you up when youre like me and how you can crave this kind human companionship youre pretty sure youll never actually get beacuse theres nowhere to seek it (also i still dont experince qp attraction even with these feelings, sometimes i feel like even the aro relationships that come up is something i cant use). Beacuse "you can totally have qpr's! (some other form of platonic partnership)" posts, wont take the hurt away and just makes me feel more alone tbh. And im not attacking posetivety, its great to have, but sometimes it feels like it kinda overshadows everything else and also i know this wont apply to all aros and thats okey, please tell me if i overgenralize im only speaking of my own experinces in this.

(for the record im not an english native speaker if i get something wrong or just word things in an hard to read way i apologize and feel free to correct me)

[popatochisssp]

Likes: Chocolate (I have a huge sweet tooth for it), Drawing (Not only as a hobby but as something im studying for a career), Reading (mostly fanfictions tbh,RIP my book reading days), sleeping in, staying at home, going to the cinema and i also enjoy watching youtube, tv shows,movies and listening to music even though im terrible at catching up to my watch later list.

Dislikes: Spicy food (I legit cannot stand even the slightest bit of spice tbh, my mouth is weak), strongly flavoured food (I can be a picky eater and i tend to have pretty firm like or dislikes for what i’ll eat so simple or blander meals are something i much prefer), People who act obnoxious in public, being at parties/large groups of people in general and people who put down or act disinterested in my own interests

What are you looking for in a match? i’m not really one for fancy events or anything grand since im pretty down to earth and simple in my interests so someone who’s also low maintenance in that way is best for me. I’m not the sort of person who feels a need to constantly check in or text, so someone who’s fine with coming over and just enjoying the company while doing our own thing rather than someone who needs to constantly be out doing things together is also good.

Any dealbreakers? eh, not really? i don’t drink so anyone who might try to pressure me into it is a no go i guess

Anything else I should know? i’m somewhere on the aroace spectrum and i really dont know where i stand in terms of romantic and/or sexual acts so someone who is understanding that i may find myself only ever wanting to hang with and cuddle rather than kiss or have sex with them would be best since im still figuring out myself

Hmmm, I think your best match would be Paps (Underswap Papyrus)!

He shares your sweet-tooth and prefers a lot of quieter, at-home hobbies, so if you just want to hang out around the house eating chocolate croissants while you both catch up on your reading, he’s all in.

He’s glad you’re not into fancy stuff because neither is he-- ‘down to earth’ may as well be his middle name-- and he appreciates that you’re chill enough not to need him checking in all the time ‘cause...well, sometimes he forgets to do that and it’s nice to know that won’t turn into a fight or something.

Naturally, his laid-back attitude would apply to the rest of your relationship, too: you figure yourself out in your own time and he’ll be around when or if you decide you want certain things. No pressure, no rush, he’ll be cool with whatever you decide!

[acejughead]

wait yo you said in the infographic post that you thought platonic love was attraction because you didnt have a baseline, thats how i'm feelin rn, howd you establish a baseline or like what did you do?

Initially I figured it out more because I went on a date and snap realized I did Not like hand holding if there was romantic intent behind it but that holding hands w my friends is still nice, so that helped me realize what I was feeling wasn’t romantic BUT that is probably not helpful for you sO let’s go more in-depth on different types of attractions!!

Note: a lot of these attractions combine, which is why it is so hard to differentiate. Ex: being romantically AND aesthetically attracted to someone.

I often sort of go though these if I’m not sure, and figure out which ones actually apply, separate it all out.

Aesthetic Attraction

This one is the easiest to describe: Do you think they look nice? Would you like to look at them some more? You are experiencing aesthetic attraction! This does not have to be people! Aesthetic attraction also applies to pretty things like sunsets and hamburgers!

A good example for experiencing JUST aesthetic attraction would be a really good looking but morally questionable actor. You don’t want to date them, and you definitely don’t want to be friends, but their face is nice to look at.

Sensual Attraction

Humans are social creatures! Humans require contact with other humans! For many people, physical contact is treated like a strictly romantic thing! There are some people who, when you hug them or are just around them, you feel safe! This is sensual attraction!

This not-romantic-unless-done-with-romantic-intent physical contact I am speaking of may include: hand-holding (gasp how scandalous), hugs, that arm-over-the-shoulder thing, cuddling (that word looks horrible I hate including it but it’s so important), just like, general touching idk it’s when you’re both comfortable being in each others personal space and it’s friendly.

oh also sensual doesn’t have to be tactile it’s just,,, your senses it can also be a person’s voice or something (looks at Morgan Freeman) but tactile is the one that usually needs the most discussion bc it’s so easy to think of as romantic.

Emotional Attraction

ALRIGHT HERE’S THE DOOZY. It is SO HARD to figure out if your attraction is emotional vs romantic. The reason is this:

If you are romantically attracted to someone, you will likely also be emotionally attracted to them. If you aren’t I’m? not sure where that relationship is going tbh like… if you don’t like their personality why would you want to date them? (the answer is REVENGE)

Emotional attraction is, in the most basic sense, the desire to get to know someone. I don’t mean like “oh I need to know everything about them so I can dESTROY THEM”. no. I mean it like “WOW that person is really interesting/nice/funny I would like to talk to them more or something”

When you experience emotional attraction without romantic attraction, this is what I tend to call a “friend crush” some people in the aroace community call that a squish, but friend crush is the most self-explanatory. It’s like you meet someone and you don’t know them very well yet, and you’d like to become friends but you’re not sure how to? They say interesting stuff in class, and always make the best jokes, and you know you’d probably get along, you just haven’t gotten the chance to really talk to them yet?

BUT HERE’S THE KICKER: emotional attraction is ALWAYS present. It doesn’t go away after you get to know the person and become friends. It stays and says “hey this person is really great and important to you” it tells you that you want to know even MORE about this person because theyu are a good egg! If you’re really good friends it’ll be like “you would do Anything for this person!!!” and you go “oh shoot am I in love with them then?” and the answer to that is yeah bc you love your friends BUT if you’re not sure it is probably not romantically, you’re just a good friend who cares about your friends.

Romantic Attraction

Romantic attraction is deceptively simple. It basically consists of one question: Do you want to date this person? Variations include: Would you be interested in dating this person? Is a romantic candlelit dinner for two (or three or four or..) something you would want to be be having with this person?

It’s hard because dating someone is often just? Hanging out with them like friends do bc you’re still fRIENDS but there’s romantic intent behind it. (and kissing too I guess)

This is also difficult because different cultures draw the line of “this is what dating is” in different places. Kiss your friend on the cheek to say hello in one country and that’s just how it is, kiss your friend on the cheek to say hello in another and suddenly everyone’s like “omg when did you start dating!!!??? I want deets!” Plus, plenty of people are in queerplatonic relationships where they aren’t experiencing romantic attraction, but they may still be kissing their partner or dating them.

Sexual Attraction

When you see someone and you want to. Do the sex with them. You may not like them emotionally or romantically or even aesthetically (sensual is usually inherently part of this bc human contact), but you want to do. sexual things with them anyway MOVING ON

Ugh I thought I was better at explaining this but really the way to figure it out is the? Romantic intent behind whatever is being done.

If I’m not sure, I usually imagine the person asking me out, and consider if this is something I would want, or if it stresses me out because I don’t want to date them and I hate rejecting people.

If you’re STILL not sure after that, may I recommend googling “how to tell if you like-like someone” statistically, that has to be helpful EVENTUALLY.