#and stickers for my friend that I want to gift to her for Christmas

[drysauce]

can't decide if the english classes made me more or less frustrated lol

[onyourfifi]

december 3rd | park jisung

❆ | pairing : crush!jisung x fem!reader

❆ | genre : fluff, shy jisung trying to give you his sweater

❆ | word count : 1027 (queue sticker by nct 127)

❆ | note : haechan and chenle are mentioned as friends

december was quickly approaching. you and your friends were hanging out at a cafe. the frost was creeping at the edges of the window and you could see soft snowflakes fall from the clouds.

"are you guys excited for december 3rd?" haechan asks, giggling.

"wait whats going on?" jisung asks.

"oh he's talking about that one song... how does it go..." you start but you get interrupted by haechan's singing.

"i still remember the third of december, me in your sweater~"

"okay okay we get it, you know the song" chenle says, rolling his eyes.

you all laugh and continue to talk about something else, but jisung stays a little quieter than usual.

▬▬▬

December 3

December 3 is national give your gf/bf/partner one of your sweaters day :)

▬▬▬

jisung has had a crush on you ever since you met. haechan introduced you guys for the first time and he fell for you so hard. you were friendly and energetic all the time. jisung, on the other hand, was a lot more quiet than you. he had a hard time talking to you. he never thought you had the same feelings for him.

all of his friends could notice his huge crush on you. they always teased him about it when you weren't there. when you two were together, they would always try to push jisung towards you or hint at the idea. you never seemed to catch on.

"our baby jisungie gets so shy~" chenle teases.

"jisung you gotta tell her dude. i can't keep seeing you freeze up and panic every time you talk to her” haechan pleads.

"i can't do it, she’s nothing like me. how am i supposed to confess to her. you said it yourself, i can barely talk to her" jisung explains. he truly thinks he has no chance with you.

"don't say that. i'm sure you'll find the right moment, you just gotta be patient" chenle says.

december 3rd was that moment. he knew it.

that's what i should do, ill give her one of my sweaters, jisung thought. but how is he supposed pull that off. he can barely talk to you without blushing let alone give you his hoodie. he was gonna find a way. he was gonna make you his some way or another.

your friends meet up on the 3rd at a christmas market. you guys planned to walk around a bit and buy some gifts for your families. jisung had plans of his own.

"jisung, why do you have such a big bag, what do you have in there-?" chenle asks.

"o-oh it’s nothing, don't worry about it"

"imagine it's a sweater" haechan teases.

"what? how did you- i mean, i don't know what you're talking about"

haechan and chenle locked eyes. they knew exactly what he was talking about.

"heyyy jisung why don't you go see what y/n is up to" haechan pushes jisung towards you subtly.

"wait what no, what are you guys doing-"

as you were looking at the handmade ornaments, you felt a soft bump on your back. you look back to see panicked jisung and haechan and chenle running away laughing.

"oh hi jisung! there you are, i was just thinking about you."

"oh me...?"

"of course you, here wait, look at this pretty ornament, should i get this for my mom?"

"actually i wanted to talk to you about something, can we walk for a bit?"

"yeah of course!"

you start walking down the park. it’s snowing again. you looks over at jisung, his cheeks were flushed with a light shade of pink and small snowflakes were scattered across his hair. you could see him trembling, but you assumed it was because of the cold.

"so… it’s december 3rd," jisung was so nervous. his hands were trembling and his voice was shakey. i can’t believe i’m doing this.

"yeah it is! christmas is upon us!”

"yup." what kind of response was that?? c’mon park jisung, keep it together.

you could feel the tension in the air. he never comes and talks to you alone. he had something planned, didn't he?

you stop walking and turn towards him. you look up. he was avoiding eye contact. he couldn’t say anything. he could only stand there.

"so, what did you want to tell me"

"oh uh well, y'know how it's december 3rd and uhm, i searched about the date online and saw you had to give your sweater to your partner and well uhm..."

"sungie... are you about to give me a sweater?"

"how could you tell...?" jisung has never felt so warm in the winter air.

"well, you've been a lot more shy around me lately, the avoiding eye contact, your quiet voice, and how could i not notice all the teasing from haechan and chenle" you laugh. jisung tried to cover his face in embarrassment, but you pulled them away. "you're so cute jisung, how could i not like you"

jisung finally made eye contact with you. he couldn't believe what he heard. you loved him too, just like he loved you. he couldn't help but stare and smile.

"sungie, the sweater," you giggle.

"oh right, sorry"

he pulls out a soft black hoodie. you recognized it. it was his favourite sweater.

"it took me so long to pick a sweater for you. i didn't know what you liked"

"if it's from you, then it's perfect."

you take off your jacket and immediately pull the hoodie over your head to put it on. the hoodie dropped down past your waist and the sleeves hung past your hands. it smelled like him, his love.

"you look so pretty..." jisung says without any hesitation.

you laugh, "thank you jisung"

jisung pulls you into a hug, his hands wrapped around your waist. you can feel all his love for you that has been kept inside him drain from his body into yours. he pulls away from you a little and presses his forehead on yours.

"no, thank you."

in the back, you can hear faint cheering from chenle and haechan.

"wah our jisungie is no longer a baby~!"

"oh shut up!"

a/n : first longer fic!! didnt think i would be able to do it but here i am lolz. also, im totally not wishing i get a sweater :D (someone give me one plz).

[boldlyvoid]

Home Alone...

Aaron Hotchner x Male Reader (he/him pronouns) | CM/911 crossover

Summary: it's Aaron's first Christmas with Jack away at college.

Warnings: May Grant/Jack Hotchner, Aaron misses his son, first angst with a happy ending, reader loves him so much he'll do anything for Aaron, food mentions

Word Count: 2.9k

Jack called him on the 18th, his plans for Christmas had changed. 

Originally, he was going to get on a plane on the 22nd and make his way from LA to DC where his dad would pick him up. They’d spend his break together and he’d head back to school on January 2nd. He was worried about his final projects, being away from his new girlfriend for so long (under 2 weeks) and he was worried that it would snow and he wouldn’t get back in time for class on the 5th. 

All this anxiety caught up to him and ultimately, he cancelled his flight. 

“Bobby and Athena said you can come to California and have Christmas here? They have lots of food, they feed a literal army every year,” Jack explained, trying to make him feel better. 

“That’s okay,” Aaron assures, smiling at him through the FaceTime camera. “All that matters is you feel okay, I’m sorry you felt so stressed out.” 

“I just hate leaving you alone this year,” Jack worries.

“Hey, I’m not really alone, Y/N will be here,” he reminds him. “We’ll be fine… but tomorrow I’ll send your gifts out, I’ll expedite them so you get them in time.” 

“Even if I don’t, I’m still thankful,” Jack smiles right back. “Thank you for understanding.” 

“Your first Christmas with your first real girlfriend is a big deal… I remember how pissed my mom was when I was with your mom for the first year and we just lived down the road. I’d never want you to think I’m mad at you for doing what you want to do.” 

Jack smiles, “thank you for being so cool.” 

“thank you for being even cooler,” Aaron teases him. “What did you get May for Christmas?” 

“A new laptop bag and some perfume,” he shares. “I think she’ll like it, she’s been obsessed with that blueberry milk trend, it’s like a muted baby blue colour and her current cover is clear with stickers on it… and then I got her that daisy perfume just cause it’s a cute bottle and it does smell like something she’d wear already.” 

“That sounds really thoughtful,” Aaron swoons. His little boy was growing up way too fast, but at least he was a gentleman. 

“And I got her mom a necklace, I’ve noticed she wears a lot of jewelry when she’s not on the job so I thought it would be nice,” he explains with a little proud smile. 

“That’s so sweet of you,” Aaron cheers him on. “And for Bobby?” 

“That’s harder to do… he’s a chef but he has everything he’d ever need and he doesn’t drink so a lot of dad gifts aren’t up his alley so I’m still trying to figure it out,” Jack slumps in his seat. Defeated a bit. “And when you google gifts for firefighters everything is alcohol-related too, or like an engraved axe that he doesn’t need.” 

“He seems very practical from the way you’ve explained him to me… maybe get him something for the house like a good flashlight for the earthquake kit or a new first aid kit for his car?” Aaron suggests. 

He nods, “Yeah… he was saying it’s almost time to renew the earthquake kit and make sure it’s all stocked up.” 

“You can go to any store that sells camping goods and get dehydrated meals which last a while and batteries are always a good thing to have lots of,” Aaron explains. “He’ll love it. He’ll know you care about his family as much as he does and it could bond you two a bit better.” 

He nods along, “Thanks, dad. May can’t wait to meet you too, you know?” 

“Yeah?” He smiles. 

“Her moms heard of you, you’ve helped her detective friends with cases but she’s a sergeant so she hasn’t had the chance to meet you either, but they think you’re cool.” 

“I’ll try and get out there soon,” he assures. “I miss you a lot, buddy.” 

“I miss you too, Dad,” Jack solemnly smiles. “Seriously though, you could come out here… We can get you somewhere to stay, you can come to Christmas at Mays and I can show you some of my favourite places?” 

“I’ll talk to Y/N and see what we can do,” Aaron smiles, knowing it probably won’t happen. 

—

When Y/N gets home from work, he comes right over to Aaron's house instead of going to his own apartment. They’ve been doing this for a while now, he honestly might as well move in at this point. So much of his stuff is at Aaron’s, they’re happy this way, and this is their 3rd Christmas together so it’s really about time they make the jump to something more. 

He puts his things down, kicks off his shoes and makes his way to Aaron on the couch. “Hello, handsome,” he leans in for a kiss. “How was your day?” 

He shrugs, “Not that bad… but Jack isn’t coming home for Christmas anymore.” 

“Oh no,” his heart breaks for him. “Baby, I’m sorry, what happened?” 

“He’s just so anxious about the snow we're expected to get when he has to go back and if his flight gets delayed then he won’t make his class in time and you know him,” he explains. Jack is just as time-sensitive as his dad. 

He pulls Aaron in for a hug, holding him close, “It’ll be okay, we’ll get to see him soon. We’ll find a way to make it good here with just us.” 

He nods, “I know… it’s just weird.”

“He’s your baby,” Y/N sympathizes. “I’m so sorry… did you want to go out there this year?” 

He shakes his head, “I don’t want to intrude.” 

“Did they invite you?” 

He nods, “Yes, but—

“Come on, we can go?” He encourages. “It’ll be fun. We can get a nice hotel or an Airbnb and after Christmas, we could go to the beach and have like a real vacation for once.” 

Aaron sits back and sighs, “Maybe.” 

“What is it?” He pries. 

He shrugs, “I don’t think I want to meet her family yet. I’m not sure I’m ready for all that. I liked it more when he wasn’t dating and I didn’t have to think about him getting married one day and moving away and being in California all the time.” 

“You don’t have to stay here,” Y/N reminds him. “You can leave whenever you want, you’re retired and you have the money to relocate, you can go wherever he goes.” 

“But I want you with me,” he whispers, pulling him in closer. 

Y/N straddles his hips and cups his cheeks, “yeah?” 

He nods, “I don’t want to go anywhere without you, my love.” 

He swoons, “I can come. I can put in for a transfer and we can go to LA or Orange County or something-- hell, we could go to San Fransisco and it would still be so close to him.”

“I love you,” Aaron smiles. “I love you so much.” 

“I love you too… and I was thinking, since we’re on this topic—

“You can move in,” Aaron knows what’s coming. “I never want you to leave. We can put all your things up here, you can make this place yours and you can put your work stuff in my office since I don’t even use it anymore.” 

He smiles. “I’m going to start packing soon… but right now I have some cheering up to give you.” 

—

The tree lights are on, and they have matching drinks of half coffee half hot chocolate and store-bought cookies… his lover is cuddled into his side while they watch a random Christmas show on Netflix. He’s happy, but he’s sad at the same time. 

“you okay?” Y/N asks. 

He nods, leaning in to share a quick kiss. He smiles against his lips, “Thank you.” 

“You miss him?” 

Aaron nods, “I do… it’s been 3 months. I haven’t been away from him this long since he was in WITSEC.” 

“I know baby,” he rubs Aaron’s arm with a slight pout, feeding off his unhappiness. “We’ll see him soon. We can go out there and visit at any time.” 

“I know…” he leans back against the couch and sighs. “I’m sorry, I’m ruining Christmas.” 

“No, you’re not,” he assures Aaron. “Here,” he reaches out for his phone and googles something. He spends a couple minutes tapping around and then shows Aaron his phone. “We leave at 2am, we can sleep on the plane. Come on, let’s go pack.” 

“What?” Aaron can’t believe it. 

“I’ll explain in the bedroom,” he instructs, hauling him off the couch. “We have bags to pack and then we need to head to the airport. I should have an Uber come here…” 

“How did you—

“You’re not the only one with connections, hot stuff,” he teases.

Aaron pulls him in for a kiss, holding him close to his chest, he breathes him in deeply. When they pull back there’s an audible smooch sound and they break into matching smiles. “I love you.” 

“I love you,” he reminds Aaron. “Now come on, let’s get you to your boy.” 

—

The flight isn’t too long, it’s pretty packed but they had decent seats. There weren’t any crying babies or complaining older women, so they managed to sleep pretty easily. The landing was… not as smooth as Aaron was used to when he was at work but, they got there in one piece. 

He has Athena's phone number in case of emergencies, like if another earthquake hit LA and he couldn’t get ahold of Jack… He’s not sure if she wants casual calls, but he takes the risk while waiting for their rental car to be brought around to the front, he dials her number and he waits. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi, this is Aaron Hotchner, Jacks dad…” 

“Oh, hello, what a pleasure to finally talk to you, how are you?” She asks, kind as ever with the sweetest slightly southern accent. 

“I’m good, uh, me and my partner are here in LA we—

“You decided to come!” She cheers. “Do you have a place to stay?” 

“We do, we got a hotel last minute,” he can’t help but smile. “I just wanted to make sure we were still invited to Christmas?” 

“Absolutely! I can text you the address and you can come over as soon as you’d like. We’re having a little bit of everything for lunch soon and then dinner is at 6,” she explains. “Does he know you’re here?” 

“No, we’re going to surprise him.” 

“He’s still in bed— he’s in my son's old room, don’t worry. But I’ll keep this a secret for you,” she assures. “This is going to be such a wonderful surprise.” 

“And you’re sure it's—

“No intrusion at all, agent,” she teases him. “It’ll be lovely to have you.”

He manages to laugh, “I can’t wait to meet you, thank you again for the invite.” 

“You’re welcome here anytime,” Athena assures him. “See you soon.” 

“Bye,” he smiles as he hangs up and waits for a text with the address. “Thank you,” he looks to his boyfriend. 

He smiles and wraps his arm around Aaron, “Anytime my love.” 

—

It doesn’t take them long to get their things set up at the hotel and then head over to the Grant-Nash household— but not before getting something to bring to the party. 

Aaron knows from Jack that Bobby, May’s step-dad, is a recovering alcoholic and that while he’s not tempted to drink when his wife has wine… Aaron just rather not bring that into the house. So, they opt for a dish. They stroll around a Whole Foods for a while, thinking of what could be the perfect thing when they stumble across cheese and tomatoes in the shape of a candy cane with balsamic glaze on top and a loaf of fresh bread. It’s perfect. 

They grab some sparkling cider and a bouquet of flowers for Athena and then they’re on their way officially. He’s a little nervous, his leg bounces while Y/N drives and he reaches over to place one hand on said bouncing leg. He rubs him with his thumb and gives him a quick smile before returning his attention to the road. It’ll be okay, Aaron knows that. 

This is just such a big step in a person's life. Not only is Jack's girlfriend meeting his family, but both families are going to be in one room at the same time. They’re all meeting. This can make or break a couple… and he hopes to every force or earth that it just makes them stronger because Jack is so, so happy.  

When they arrive, they have to park on the road as there are so many cars already in their driveway, they really weren’t kidding about it being a big party. 

He holds the flowers and drink, Y/N has the dish they bought and they walk up the long driveway to the most beautiful little bungalow in all of California. He knocks 3 times with a bit of hesitation and it takes all of 20 seconds for someone to answer. 

And to their surprise, that person who opens the door is May. 

“Oh my god?” She bounces with excitement. “You made it?!”

“Hi,” Aaron smiles, instantly all the anxiety leaves his body with how happy she is to see him and his partner. “It’s lovely to finally meet you, May.” 

“come in,” she steps out of the way and lets them walk right in. “Let me take that, you can take your shoes off if you want but we don’t really care. The party is just down the stairs here.” 

“Who was it?” Another woman asks while walking around the corner. “Oh, Aaron, hi,” she lights right up as she climbs the stairs to meet them. 

“Athena?” He confirms before going in for a hug and she smiles. 

“The one and only,” she teases as she wraps him up. “It’s so good to see you, Jack was worried about you having a Christmas alone.” 

“It was his idea,” he says as they part, pointing to his partner, “this is my partner, Y/N.” 

“Jack has told us all about you,” Athena assures as she goes to give him a half hug and then she takes the dish he was carrying. “Come on down and meet everyone, Jack's out in the garden with Bobby making the turkey.”

“He said he’s never seen someone deep fry one before and he’s intrigued,” May teases. “Actually, hold on, stay here,” she insists. 

She heads over to the back door and leans against the post, “Hey Jack? Can you come here for a second?” 

Athena puts the dish down on the table and rushes to the door, “Bobby, you too. Leave the turkey with Hen, she can handle it for a moment.” 

They come into the room with the same expression, confused as to why they’ve been called in and then Jack sees him. 

“Dad?!” His jaw drops and his eyes grow 10 times the size they were before and within seconds he’s rushing to his dad and wrapping him up in the biggest hug. 

Aaron holds him so close, he hasn’t seen him since August and that felt like 6 years ago. This one hug makes up for all the time passed, he kisses him on the temple, unable to believe how much taller he’s gotten. Before, this same kiss would’ve been to the top of his head… he pulls back and cups his face in his hands, “When the heck did you grow up on me?” 

“I ask myself the same thing every day,” Bobby teases, stepping forward to shake his hand next. 

Jack gives Y/N the same big hug as he gave his dad, it’s cute how much they love each other too. Aaron shakes Bobby's hand, it’s big and rough and he can sure tell he’s been a firefighter for years… and he’s handsome. Really handsome. 

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” Aaron manages to say. “Jack talks about you and Athena all the time, I’m so grateful for you taking him in while he’s been out here.” 

“He’s been a joy to have around,” Athena assures. “With my son in Florida with his dad, it’s so nice to have another boy in the house.” 

“I was making too much food for just the 3 of us, I wasn’t used to it,” Bobby teases. “He’s helped a lot.” 

“And I love taking home leftovers,” Jack teases, still holding onto Y/N around his middle. “This is such an amazing surprise dad, when did you decide to come?” 

“Last night,” he admits. 

“He was so sad,” Y/N shares. “I hated knowing how much he missed you so I impulse bought two red-eye tickets.” 

“Well, we’re glad you could come,” Athena assures. “I’m sure you’re hungry, come eat, we’ve got enough for everyone.” 

“Come on Dad, you’ve gotta try Bobby’s Caesar salad dressing,” Jack all but drags him to the table with the biggest smile he’s ever seen on this kid. 

Seeing him this happy is all he wanted for Christmas, and boy, does he hope that this happiness— this new family he’s found, lasts forever. He deserves nothing but the best, and this group he’s been brought into, they’re just that. 

General Taglist 

@ncsls0515 @stevesmunsons @reidsbookclub @sweetyyhippyy @manuosorioh @mrs-dr-reid @k-k0129 @squishyturtle @katsukis1wife @buckleyhans @mrs-ssa-hotch @ssavanessa22

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

batmanisagatewaydrug's small business compilation post

hi hey what's up. if you celebrate christmas it's definitely too late to b e ordering any more gifts online, but here's the great news: buying shit isn't tied to any one holiday. maybe you want to order yourself a little something to start the new year off right. maybe you have family or even (gasp) friends with birthdays for which you sometimes feel compelled to provide gifts. maybe you're just looking to support more independent artists and small businesses in 2023.

luckily for you I have a.) a fucking HEAP of business cards that I've been collecting for years and b.) too much time to kill, since I've currently snowed in and unable to go to my mother's for Christmas. below is a compilation of every small business/artist whose card I've accumulated and links to buy their shit. enjoy!

Candles & Soap

Cellar Door Bath Supply Co - genuinely some of the coolest soaps and funkiest candles I've ever encountered. bonus points for the tiny dogs hanging out at their booth last time I saw them at a craft fair.

GreenTree Factory - listen, straight up this website is a mess, but their candles are gorgeous and burn FOREVER.

Roots & Sky - when I say their Hive soap literally cleared my skin and watered by crops I am not joking.

Clothing

Assemblage Studio - unique reconstructed garments made from vintage clothes

BrianBrain Studio - spooky clothing & accessories. my wife bought one of our buddies a button-up here and it RULES.

Chlo's Clothing - HELLA cute crochet tops, I have one that's a big ol' fringey rainbow and I adore it.

D&D

Arcane Threadery - luxury dice bags. I've met the seller in person at a craft fair and the bags are GORGEOUS to behold.

Bugbear Bubbles - purveyors of such goodies as giant ooze soaps with dice sets inside and d20-shaped soap on a rope!

Pink Petal Development - cool D&D accessories like dagger-shaped dice holders and a crossbow dice roller.

Jewelry

Bespoke by Feldman - lightweight leather earrings that I'm all the way obsessed with. the owner gave me a discount for shitty weather last time I bought from her.

Cargo Creates - funky polymer clay earrings & other accessories

The Foxy Hipster - big! fun! earrings!

Hades Bone Yard - distinctive animal bone jewelry

Jenny Shlemon - if you want resin earrings that say something vulgar this is THE place to go. I have like twice as many Shlemon cards as anything else because my friends and I won't stop buying them for each other.

Wicked Wildwoods - animal bone & porcupine quill jewelry; source of my favorite set of bracelets

Other

To Draw Attention - illustrated stickers of cute critters

Windy Woods - stickers, enamel pins, and other goods based on ghosts, cryptids, and other spoopy pals. one of my wife's favorites.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I've had a terrible day full of significantly elevated anxiety for no discernible reason (aside from, it's too fucking hot and this always happens when it's too fucking hot, also a number of other things but the level of anxiety is disproportionate to any of those real situations, probably because it's too fucking hot). I looked around my room to see some things I like to cheer myself up. I have don't quite a good job of making my bedroom into an over-decorated museum of things I like, which is convenient on a day when I want to just look around and quickly see something nice. Anyway, here are some pictures of my comedy-related collections.

On the wall - the old Josie Long poster that I got her to sign when I saw her in Montreal, and then I got Grace Petrie to sign it when I saw her live a couple of months later, even though I was so anxious about approaching either of them at all, much less giving Josie Long the weird request to have her sign a poster from ten years ago, or giving Grace Petrie the much weirder request to have sign Josie Long's poster from ten years ago, but I explained to her how it's because I already have Josie's signature and I'd love the idea of both their autographs on one thing, and I did also buy Grace Petrie's CD and have her sign that too, even though I already owned that album off Bandcamp, I just felt obligated to buy it rather than only say "Hi could you sign something that isn't even yours?", and to pay her money for the CD as a bribe to briefly talk to me. Anyway, as nerve-wracking as it was to get, I love that I get to look at it every day now. I have it on my wall next to the lovely quote from The Bugle episode 66 that @nyomkitten made in fancy fonts, and that I jokingly said I want on my wall, and then realized I actually do so I went and had it printed on cardstock.

Books on my shelf. Most of my Britcom books are in ebook or audiobook form, but some are on a shelf.

CDs and DVDs. The top one is Grace Petrie's Connectivity, which I bought to bribe her to talk to me long enough so I could get her to sign Josie Long's poster. There's also Kitson's Shenaniganagain CD, and the Lucksmiths CD that I bought on eBay because Kitson wrote the liner notes on it. Then we have John Oliver's stand-up special, Flight of the Conchords, Thick of It and In the Loop DVDs that I picked up at a Celtic music festival once, couple of Monty Python movies, a hard move away from comedy in the BBC House of Cards, some DVDs purchased back when Joss Whedon was still cool, and I did used to be a big hockey fan and follow the Edmonton Oilers really closely. Haven't cared in years; they made the Stanley Cup finals this year and I didn't give a fuck. But I used to.

Stickers on the side of my book shelf. The Taskmaster seal and Nish Kumar with a coconut on his head, both gifts from my then-girlfriend, attached to a Christmas card she gave me a couple of years ago. Now a somewhat painfully tainted memory, but I still like the stickers. A couple of other stickers that I took off the packaging from Daniel Kitson's CD, the official seal of Higgldy Piggldy Enterprises, which is how he incorporated himself. And a couple of playing cards that Ed Gamble threw into the crowd last year during the Max & Ivan pretend wrestling event, as his thing was "Ed The Gambler Gamble" so he had a bunch of cards. Cards that audience members could just pick up if they wanted to, and one of the people who did that happens to be a friend of mine who sent a few of them to me, which is fucking cool.

And finally, this weekend I moved some stuff around from my old hard drives to have more things in one place, on the big comedy folder that's on my 5TB hard drive. I've actually bought two 5TB hard drives this year, which might not be the best use of my limited funds, but I don't want to risk losing all that. So I have the one hard drive that lives in a pocket on the back of my laptop and is always connected to it as a working drive with this massive comedy folder on it, and another with a second copy of that folder. Part of why I bought the second one was I think I'm going to take the first one with me when I got to the UK so I can put stuff on it there, but if I don't have a backup at home, I'll be too worried about losing it.

(Note: I do not endorse the views or work of every comedian who has a folder on my hard drive. Most of it is there because I like them, but please do not assume I am a fan of all things expressed by, to pick 2 examples just in the As, Alfie Brown or post-2019 Alun Cochrane. Technically there are three people in the As whose views I do not share, because Alan Partridge has some ideas about immigration policy that just wouldn't be feasible. Oh and I don't like how Adam Hills got an MBE a couple of years ago and suddenly started expressing monarchist sentiments a lot. Only one letter in and I'm already disagreeing with plenty. On the other hand, I'm almost sure that Alice Fraser has never said anything wrong in her entire life.)

Of course, the hard drive lives on the back of my laptop next to my other Nish Kumar sticker, which I got because of the laptop that Nish had in season 4 of The Mash Report, which got filmed in his home due to lockdown:

I've definitely posted all of this before, but collecting those things again put me in a slightly better mood, which was the goal. Hope everyone's having a nice week and they solve climate change soon.

[ghosttownwherenoonegoes]

So the sweetest and most amazing @seidenbros gifted me with an Ozzy Christmas jumper which I almost tear up over having to take off every morning to get dressed and go to work (I say almost, I mean I do...😂) and I wanted to show everyone! We all know that Ozzy was and is my first love, but Eddie shall be my last!🥺❤️

But some unexpected extras had been thrown in and as a gesture of appreciation for this very generous gift (I'm not saying I screamed when I opened the box but the noise which came out of me when I saw the jumper was barely human 🥺😂), I decided to do a little promotion of those extras for @/seidenbros (with full permission received prior to making this post🥰💖).

I'm not sure if you've seen, but there's a giveaway for anyone who reblogs this post for Staffi's 1.5k follower celebration. The giveaway involves...

A handmade tote bag featuring the Hellfire Club design on one side and our sweet angel baby on the other;

And some super cute stickers of Eddie, Steve and Robin:

(Apologies for slight blurring around the lettering; the stickers are crystal sharp but I couldn’t get my camera lens to focus properly even after eight pictures taken at different angles and distances from my desk.)

Staffi makes these herself and doesn't sell them online yet, but she was giving them away at cons and indeed within the above linked post. She will be giving away three bags to people who write fics for her follower celebration and stickers to people who reblog the post. More details are in said post about the giveaway so please give that a read if you haven’t already!🙏

Anyway, Staffi, you are amazing and I cannot cannot cannot thank you enough not only for the jumper but also for the tote bag, the stickers and the chocolates you sent! I am so incredibly grateful to you and I'm so excited to be returning the sweet and generous gesture just as soon as I get things in order!!! You are an incredible creator, a wonderful friend, and a beautiful human!💖💖💖

[edgessunflower]

Mistletoe kiss

Pairing: Han Solo x GN reader

Description: At a Christmas party with the rebellion, you and han share a long awaited moment together

Warning: Minor swearing

You walked in the base holding presents jumping around like a little kid excited to give your close friends their presents. "Merry Christmas everyone!" you yell as everyone cheers as you walk by giving side hugs until you see Luke and R2 jogging to them patting R2 on his head hugging luke "Hey I was wondering where you were" he says as you hand him his present smiling "Let's go find Leia and Han" you say grabbing luke's arm before he can try to open his gift r2 following behind chirping christmas songs happily, you find leia beside 3po who seems to be talking about all the lights around base and even some strung around his shoulders and head "Leia there you are" you say holding out her gift as she smiles sweetly "You didn't have to!" she says taking the gift ready to open it "Wait we gotta find han" luke says as you all look around until r2 beeps causing you all to look seeing han and an annoyed chewie wearing a big christmas sweater "Hey guys!" he says seeing you all as you laugh at chewie in the sweater being greeted with a mildly annoyed hi by him as you giggle. You hand han his gift "For me? really?" he says surprised as you turn handing a tiny present to r2 as he chrips thank you handing a gift to 3po and finally chewie "Open them" you say smiling as everyone opens their gifts "Oh my you shouldn't have" 3po says holding metal polish so he can remain golden and shiny followed by chewie roaring excitedly hugging and lifting you as you laugh, you feel r2 bump your leg after chewie put you back on your feet holding his new crossbow you rub r2's head getting down hugging him as he says how much he loves his new body stickers "This looks just like the one Ben gave me" luke says holding the plane you got for him smiling warmly thinking of ben kenobi "Oh my god how did you find it" leia says holding the dress and flower headpiece you saw at a festival that she wanted and got from the seller after giving her your old clothes for her to sell "Holy shit how did you get this?" han says holding a heavy pistol in more new condition than his old one that couldn't really shoot well anymore "Thank you" they all say as you giggle. "We have gifts for you too" leia says as she hands you a small baggy full of old traditional naboo jewelry followed by chewie giving you a gift of a small box full of crystals R2 hands you a gift of incenses that you loved 3po stands beside R2 handing you a gift of charms to symbolize yourself and the group to wear on your wrist luke gives a basket full of different scents of shampoos and soaps, you look over seeing han standing beside leia holding a gift walking to you slowly handing you the gift as you smile opening it seeing a picture in a light yellow frame of you and han on a trip to Naboo him holding you on his shoulders hearing the others giggling as you look at them confused seeing them point above you as han steps infront of you as luke grabs the photo holding it for you. You look up seeing mistletoe above you and han as you turn bright red as han laughs "I have one more gift for you" he says leaning in wrapping your arms around his neck as the others cheer as you both laugh with everyone running and hugging the two of you "Been waiting for this since I met the both of you" you turn seeing Lando holding a camera and a rebel fighter as you give lando his present him immediately putting on the new cape "Now picture time" walking over you all pose as the rebel fighter takes a picture of all you that you get coped and framed so you all have the picture to look at and smile and at the memory that Christmas.

[atths--twice]

Chapter Fifteen

It's Ivy's birthday and an invitation has been extended to Fox to join them for her special dinner.

Tuesday 

“I have something for you,” Dana said, coming to Fox’s table Tuesday afternoon before she left for the day. 

“Do you?” he asked, smiling at her. 

“I do. Ivy wanted to give it to you herself, but we’re having dinner with my hairdresser friend tonight. Tomorrow we have to get some things done before we go to my sister’s for Christmas and we need to get the birthday goodie bags ready for Ivy’s classmates on Thursday, so we wouldn’t have time to swing by before then.” 

“Okay,” he laughed when she had run out of breath. She smiled and handed him a small envelope covered in birthday stickers. 

“It’s an invitation to join us for her birthday dinner on Thursday at our apartment.” 

“Oh,” he said, peeling off a large pink balloon, opening the envelope, and taking out the card inside. 

Uneven lines had been drawn across the blank card and words were spelled out in a child’s handwriting. Words had been left to continue onto the next line, the space having run out, but he could understand what it said. He grinned as he nodded, his finger touching the smiling panda sticker beside Ivy’s name. 

“Can you make it?” Dana asked softly. “You will be the only guest as my family is too far away to come down for the night. We’ll celebrate when we see them soon.” 

“The only guest?” he asked and she nodded. “A very high honor indeed. Please tell her that I’d like nothing more and I’d be delighted to attend,” he said and she laughed through her nose as she nodded. 

“She’ll be ecstatic to hear it.” 

______________

He stood outside their apartment on Thursday evening, having held the door for a man who was laden down with Christmas gifts. Their muffled voices could be heard through the door and he smiled as Dana laughed. 

He knocked on the door, shifting his gift for Ivy from his right to his left hand. It grew quiet as he waited, but a few seconds later, the door was opened and Dana stood before him in black yoga pants and a dark green sweater, her hair down and wavy, smiling happily at him. 

“Come in,” she said, stepping aside and reaching to take the large rainbow colored bag, with the many pieces of brightly colored rainbow tissue paper inside, from him. 

“That’s okay. I got it,” he said, nodding as he walked inside, breathing in a wonderful aroma of whatever she was cooking, and she closed the door. “Sorry for not calling up, I followed one of your neighbors inside.” 

“That’s okay. We were just-”

“Fox!” Ivy yelled, running into the room and stopping short, her eyes widening when she saw the bag he held in his hand. 

He smiled as he looked at the outfit she wore. Over black leggings, she wore a vivid rainbow colored tutu, a dark purple long sleeved shirt that had the design of a large cupcake with a pink shiny wrapper, white frosting, rainbow sprinkles, and six multicolored candles, and a pink headband with rainbow letters that said Happy Birthday on her head, her hair in two long ponytails. 

“Is that for me? For my birthday?” she asked and he nodded. 

“It is,” he said, handing her the bag and smiling when she wiggled happily as she held it. “Happy birthday, Miss Ivy.” 

“Thank you, Fox! Oh, it’s heavy! Can I open it right now, Mommy?” 

“Sure, baby. It’s your birthday.” 

“Yay!” she shouted and set the bag on the floor, pulling out the tissue paper excitedly and dropping it to the floor. 

She took out the first gift and tore off the purple tissue paper to find a large box that held a pop up pink castle tent, and her jaw dropped. 

“Ohhhh! Wow! It’s a castle! I love it!” 

“Do you already have one?” Fox asked nervously, watching her reaction. 

“Nope! My cousin has one that has mermaids on it, but this is so much better! It’s a castle!” She smiled at him and he sighed in relief. 

“Good. I thought maybe you and Pandy would like to play in it.” 

“Ohh… Yes! Hang on!” She set the box down and ran to her bedroom. 

“She’ll love that. Thank you, Fox,” Dana said quietly and he turned to look at her. She smiled softly and he nodded. 

“You’re welcome.” 

They continued to look at one another, neither of them speaking, until Ivy returned and his attention diverted to her. 

“Pandy! Look, it’s a real castle! Just like you’ve always wanted!” 

“Oh!” Ivy said in Pandy’s high British voice. “It’s simply beautiful! But it looks small. Is it small?” 

“No, Pandy,” Ivy, in her regular voice, said with a giggle. “It’s not out of the box yet. It will be much bigger.” 

“I see,” she continued as Pandy. “Then could we have it built? Excuse me, Mister Fox, could you please build the castle for me?” 

“And me!” Ivy said, raising her arm into the air and jumping up and down. 

“Of course,” he said, grinning and then laughing, as he glanced at Dana who was covering her mouth and hiding her smile. “Give me a couple of minutes and I’ll have it up in no time.” 

“Good,” Ivy said as Pandy and Fox pointed to the gift bag. 

“How about you check out the rest of the gifts and then we could put up the tent?” 

“Tent? No, it is a castle,” Ivy said as Pandy, shaking the panda’s head and sighing loudly. 

“My apologies, your Highness. It is indeed a castle. Let’s wait for Ivy to open the rest of her gifts and then I will build the castle.” 

“Thank you.” Ivy bowed Pandy toward him and he laughed. She set Pandy down on the table and looked into the bag once again. 

Taking out a flat gift wrapped in red tissue, she tore it off and smiled. 

“A coloring book!” she said, dropping the tissue onto the floor. “Oh. No, it’s not. What is it?” 

He laughed and took the book from her. It was the notebook he had bought at the bookshop with Dana, of which he had carefully removed the previously filled pages. Now it was blank and ready to be filled. 

“So, it’s a journal, but it has places on each page to also add a picture to correlate, to go with, your story. Like the picture you drew of Funny Bunny? Well, you could draw the picture here,” he said, showing her a blank page. “And then you could have your mom help you write the story, or you could do it yourself, explaining your picture. I thought you would like having all your stories in one place.” 

She took the book back and thumbed through the pages, nodding as she started to smile. 

“I could put lots of stories in here. Thank you!” 

“You’re welcome.” 

He smiled at her and she smiled back as she set the book onto the table and reached into the bag for the last gift. 

She ripped off the blue tissue paper from the box and it also fell to the floor. He glanced at Dana and she shrugged with a smile. 

“Ohhhhh! It’s a… it has lights! Ohhh! I love it.” 

“It’s a night light for you to make, however you want it to look.” 

“It has bunnies! And a tree with pink leaves! And mushrooms!” 

“They’re called toadstools,” he corrected her and she nodded. 

“Right. I heard that word before. Can we make it now? Will you help me, Fox?” 

“Sure!” he said, turning his head and looking at Dana. “Are we eating soon?” 

“It can keep. If you want to do it now,” she said, smiling at both of them. 

“You sure? I don’t want…” 

“It’s stew and bread. It can keep.” She smiled again and he frowned. 

“Stew?” 

“You don’t like stew?” 

“No, I do. I love it, actually. I’m just surprised because… didn’t you say she picks her birthday meal?” 

“I did,” she said with a grin. “And every year that she’s been able to express what she wants, it’s been stew.” 

“Well,” he said, raising his eyebrows and smiling. “She’s got good taste. It’s been a while since I’ve had a good stew.” 

“Mommy makes the best stew in the whole entire universe,” Ivy said, looking at the night light kit box. 

“The entire universe? Even better than her chocolate milk?” He teased her and she raised her head, tilting it in consideration. 

“Yes. But the chocolate milk is still very good.” 

“It is,” he agreed and Ivy nodded. “Okay! Let’s get started on that night light!” He clapped his hands together and began to unbutton his coat. 

__________

“So why do you pick stew as your birthday meal?” Fox asked, a half an hour later. 

The night light had been made and was currently sitting in the middle of the table, the small strand of lights shining. The bunnies had been placed beside a toadstool each, the tree standing in the center, and the clear lid had been placed over it.

He had also put the castle up, blowing a pretend trumpet to announce when it was finished. 

“Thank you, Mister Fox,” Ivy said as Pandy, bowing to him once again. “It is a truly splendid castle.” 

He had bowed in return, holding the door flap open for her as Ivy walked inside of it with a giggle. Showing Pandy around, she had then decided to add blankets and pillows to the castle as he had cleared away the mess he had made. 

“No one should have to clean and help with boring things on their birthday,” he had told Dana as he threw the trash away and she had ladled steaming stew into a white bowl with rainbow colored polka dots. 

“Of course not,” she had said, smiling at him. “Or eat out of boring, everyday bowls. These are special occasion bowls.” 

“I like the way you do birthdays,” he had said and she laughed as she reached for the next bowl.

Fox watched Ivy fish a carrot from her bowl and eat it, then dip her bread in the stew before he asked her again. 

“Ivy?” 

“Yes?” she replied, taking a bite and looking at him. He smiled and handed her a napkin to wipe her mouth. 

“Why do you pick stew for your birthday meal?” 

“Because I like it.” 

“I can see that you do,” he said with a chuckle. 

“And Mommy says that having special things on your birthday is how it should be celebrated.” 

“Okay,” he mused, taking a bite of what was possibly the best stew he had ever eaten. “So what if you asked for stew next week?” 

“But my birthday is today,” she said, looking at him as though he had lost his mind. He started to laugh and nodded his head as he chewed. 

“Okay. I understand now.” 

“Okay,” she said and ate a big piece of potato, wiping her mouth on her napkin. 

“Yeah,” Dana said, catching his eye and smiling as she handed him another piece of bread. “Best not to question things sometimes.” 

“I’m beginning to find that’s the case,” he laughed, taking the bread from her. “Thank you. This is delicious.” 

“I didn’t make it. I bought it at the bakery.” 

“No, I meant the stew,” he explained and she smiled as she tilted her head. “Oh, I see. You’re both gonna tease me? The enigmatic Scully women find my confusion comical… how kind.” 

“Oh, enigmatic… I like the sound of that,” Dana said, taking another bite of her stew. He laughed and then they fell silent as they ate their meal. 

When they were finished and Ivy had gone back to her tent, Fox helped Dana clear the table and offered to wash the dishes. 

“You don’t have to, I got it.” 

“I don’t mind,” he said with a smile, turning the water on to warm up and pushing up the sleeves of his dark gray sweater. 

“You like folding laundry. Like washing dishes,” she said and he looked at her over his shoulder as he scraped and rinsed off the dishes. 

“I’m not sure like is the word I’d use, but I don’t mind doing it,” he explained and she hummed. 

“And you’re still single, why?” she asked in a teasing tone and he nearly dropped the plate he was holding. 

“Mommy!” Ivy called and thankfully Dana’s attention was diverted and she did not see how red his face had become. 

He paid better attention to the task at hand, not saying anything to Dana when she set the dirty crock of the slow cooker beside him and gently touched his back. 

“I got her an adorable cake,” she said softly and he nodded, still not trusting his voice. “A small one, as it’s just us, but I really like how it turned out.” 

“That’s good,” he said, clearing his throat. 

“Yeah.” 

Dishes done, he washed and dried his hands. Turning around, he saw she was standing behind him watching Ivy as she played in her tent and talking to her stuffed animals that had been brought inside. 

“Life goes by so fast,” she whispered, shaking her head. “She was a baby… and now she’s six. So big and so grown up.” She sighed and he looked over at Ivy, hearing her laugh as she moved one of her animals. 

“She’s still little,” he said, trying to reassure her. 

“Oh, I know,” she agreed with a small smile. “It’s just… things change so fast. It doesn’t seem like it when you’re in it, but they do. I was thinking about when she laughed for the first time, a really deep belly laugh. I cried.” She looked at him and rolled her eyes as she smiled. 

“That’s understandable.” 

“Yeah…” she said with a sigh. “When she rolled over, crawled, walked… I cried every time. And when she said mama for the first time…” She shook her head and he saw tears in her eyes. She laughed and then exhaled a crying breath. “I was a mess.”

“She’s your child. That’s your heart living outside of your body. Of course you cried. You experienced first hand the love that your heart holds.” He smiled and shrugged as her mouth opened slowly and tears slid down her cheeks. 

“That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard,” she breathed and his eyes widened as more tears fell. 

“I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry.” 

She took a step closer to him and grasped two of his fingers, squeezing them gently. He smiled softly as he stared into her eyes, raising his hand to wipe away her tears. She closed her eyes and he drew in a deep breath. 

“Can we have cake now, Mommy?” 

Dana’s eyes flew open and she let go of his hand, her cheeks very pink. She wiped her face and stepped back two steps. 

“Mommy?” 

“Yes, baby. Let me get it ready.” 

“Okay.” 

“Dana,” Fox said softly and she shook her head as she looked away from him. 

“Could you get the plates? They’re in that cupboard there.” 

She pointed, not meeting his eyes as she opened the refrigerator to take out a pink bakery box. He sighed as he nodded and took out three plates that matched their dinner bowls. 

“It’s okay,” she said, cutting the tape from the box with a knife. “I’m just a little emotional today. Don’t mind me.” 

“Dana,” he said again and she smiled at him with a nod. 

“It’s okay. We’re good.” 

“Okay.” 

“Now,” she said, opening the box. “Take a look at this cake. Ivy, love, come here and see it.” 

He watched Dana as Ivy squealed and ran over to join them in the kitchen, but he did not see any further signs of sadness or awkwardness. She hugged Ivy and kissed her repeatedly on the head before Ivy pulled away, laughing and asking to see the cake. Dana lifted her up and Ivy gasped as she saw it. 

“It’s so beautiful!” 

“Do you love it?”

“I do, Mommy! Thank you!” Ivy squeezed Dana around the neck and she laughed as she hugged her back. 

“I’m glad you do, Ivy, Ivy bo-bivy,” Dana said and Ivy giggled. 

“Mommy, mommy bo-bomy,” Ivy replied and they both laughed. 

Fox smiled even as he felt the familiar pang of loneliness inside of him that he had been feeling lately, especially when he was around them. He felt like an outsider, even though he had been invited in, and he found he did not like it. 

Did not like feeling apart from a life he now realized he dearly wanted. 

And not just a life, but this life. A life with them. With the woman who had intrigued him since their first meeting. Her intelligence and sense of humor  had pulled him in immediately. Finding out about Ivy had only drawn him in further. 

He wanted to be a part of their life, but he knew that voicing his desires could possibly scare her and destroy the best relationship he had ever had. 

Friendship, he reminded himself. You’re just friends. 

“Fox, do you like my cake?” Ivy asked and he blinked his eyes as he let out a sharp hum, his thoughts miles away. 

“What?” he asked, frowning as he shook his head. “What did you ask me, Ivy? I’m sorry I didn’t hear you.” 

Dana was still holding her and they were cheek to cheek as they stared at him. Ivy was smiling, but Dana was wearing a concerned expression. 

God, he wanted to hug them both, to pull them to him and squeeze them tight. To laugh at their inside jokes and make his own with them, hearing them laugh at something he said. 

Instead, he smiled and shook his head again. 

“I’m sorry, I was thinking about what you could possibly wish for when you blow out your candles since you already have an actual castle in your living room.” 

Ivy giggled and turned to look at the castle near the Christmas tree. 

“Maybe an even bigger castle?” she asked with a sly smile and he snapped his fingers as he pointed at her. 

“That’s some good thinking,” he said and she laughed as Dana set her down. 

“Go to the table and I’ll bring out your cake so you can make that wish,” Dana said, patting Ivy’s bottom and giving her a small push toward the table. 

Turning around, she looked at Fox and he smiled with a nod. 

“Candles?” 

“The drawer behind you,” she said, pointing to the left. He nodded and went to get them. 

He selected six pink and white striped ones and brought them over to her looking at the cake for the first time. 

It was round with teal frosting, pastel colored confetti sprinkles along the bottom, and pink swirly dollops of frosting along the top. 

“Perfect cake,” he said, as Dana took the cake from the box. 

“Thanks,” she said and he held the candles out to her. “You can do it if you’d like. I’ll get the lighter.” 

“Oh… yeah. I can do that,” he said, smiling with a nod. 

He placed them in carefully and smiled again when he was done. 

“Could you get the lights?” Dana said softly as she started to light the candles and he nodded, looking around for the light switches. 

Every light was extinguished aside from the lights on the tree and he looked at Ivy as Dana carried out the cake. 

“Happy birthday to you,” Dana started to sing and he joined in, watching Ivy’s grin grow as the candlelight lit up her face when the cake was placed in front of her. 

“Happy birthday dear Ivy,” they sang and she took a deep breath, rising up onto her knees in her chair. “Happy birthday to you.” 

She took another deep breath and closed her eyes, her mouth moving but no sound coming out. He glanced at Dana and saw she was smiling at Ivy. He smiled and turned his attention back to Ivy who was still speaking without sound, her hands planted on the table. 

“A long wish,” Dana said under her breath and through her teeth. 

“Hope you’re up for it,” he said back in the same manner and she snorted softly. 

Ivy drew in a very deep breath and blew out all of the candles in one go, smiling up at them when she was done. They clapped and Fox went to turn the lights back on while Dana grabbed the plates and utensils. 

The cake was confetti pink, he was informed when he exclaimed over it as Ivy was given her piece. 

“It’s the best cake,” Ivy said as she took a big bite. 

After tasting his own piece, he could not disagree. It was delicious. 

Plates and cake cleared away, he knew he needed to leave soon. Ivy had school in the morning and still needed to take a bath before bed. 

Reluctantly, wishing beyond anything that he could stay and find his place in this little family, he stood up and rubbed his hands together. 

“Well, I should be going,” he said, smiling ruefully. “Thank you so much for inviting, me Miss Ivy. I had a fabulous time.” 

“Thank you for my castle, Fox,” she said, coming over to him and hugging him around the waist. He smiled as he patted her back and rubbed her head, her headband long gone. 

“You’re welcome. I’m glad you and Pandy now have a castle.” 

“Me too,” Ivy said, squeezing him tightly. He laughed and she let go, smiling up at him. 

“I like my night light too. I’ll sleep with it in my room tonight.” 

“Good,” he said with a nod. She smiled again and then went back to her tent. 

He turned around to see Dana smiling as she leaned against the wall by the door with her arms crossed. He put his coat on and buttoned it, taking his scarf from his pocket as he walked toward her. 

“Thank you for inviting me,” he said quietly and she nodded. 

“Thank you for coming.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

He stared at her as he put his scarf around his neck. The sudden urge to kiss her was very strong, but he pushed it away, smiling as he put his hands in his pockets. 

“See you tomorrow,” he said and she nodded. 

“Tomorrow.” 

She moved to stand directly in front of him, her eyes holding his as she breathed in deeply. Her hands came up a little and then she put them back down, swallowing as she let out her breath. 

“Goodnight,” she whispered, turning to unlock and open the door. 

“Goodnight,” he whispered back, taking his hand from his pocket and gently squeezing her upper arm as he passed her. 

At the top of the stairs, he looked at her, smiling with a wave. She waved back and he began to walk down the stairs. Halfway down, he looked up and she was staring at him, her expression one he had never seen before. 

He waved again and she waved back, but her expression did not change. 

He thought about it the entire time he walked home and as he laid in bed attempting to sleep, wondering what had caused her to look at him that way. 

[lightfulonion]

hello @skijjiki!!! thanks for tagging me friend!!!!

Favorite time of year: every single day that i grace this beautiful planet ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ I unironically love Christmas so much. I love the cold and I love the fact that we can slack for a little bit and I love having an excuse and indulge myself by seeing and meeting with my loved ones. I also love spring! (<- spoken with the privilege of someone who only has mild allergies) And summer when it isn't boiling outside!

Favorite drinks: boba, COFFEE, ginger ale, wine (the semisweet ones and especially semisweet red wine ❤), fresh squeezed orange juice, HOT MILK WITH HONEY and generally whatever has sugar in it

Collect anything?: Littlest Pet Shop!!! When i was in kindergarden there was that one kid that had SACKS of lps and from then on i decided that it was my fate to defeat them... (i just said to my mum to buy me lps whenever she could and i also asked her every christmas to tell santa claus i needed the big packs with them) I also have collections of rocks and shells from different beaches that i went to! Lately i try to collect stickers from cons and such (<-literally has went to one (1) con so far) and chupa-chups cans bc they look pretty 👉👈 (not sponsored)

Favorite fics: OH BOY OH BOY! DO I HAVE THE FICS FOR YOU! I'll try to be brief: 💼 OK NO JOKE, I'll try to be brief: (in no particular order, except for the first one) 1) it's not living (if it's not with you) by brella (hq!!) TOP 1!!! IT DOESN'T GET BETTER THAN THIS FELLAS! Legit, tsukkiyama isnt even my thing but this one ticks all my boxes: desperate lead? check. the grumpy one mellows out for the sunshine one? check. the inherent value of change and becoming better by loving and wanting to express it properly and by that becoming a better person? check. GROUNDHOG DAY AU?? YES PLEASE! It's.. It's very good. Please give it a read if you want. (brella has written many good hq fics btw please check them out!) 2) Work-Related Risk Factors by parkernoir (mp100) Case fic, angsty and probably my favourite mp100 ever! It has Serizawa! It has Tome! It has Reigen trauma! It made me cry my eyes out in agony! I have a very soft spot for this. It has serirei in it but mostly it's gen if i remember correctly? yeah 3) beginners by silvercistern (mp100) fair warning it's about sex and it doesn't have just steamy scenes, it discusses generally sex and stuff. That being said it has ace Reigen in it and it made me cry 👍 4) The Negligible Self by ch_am (mp100) anything and everything by camp is a gift honestly. Angsty generally, full of whump specifically, it makes the soft, tender moments hit better and it's still in progress! Join the fun as i lose my mind with every single update! Yay! (people in the comments in ao3 are also trying to find out what is going on and it's fun) (it has a prequel too which is really good and canon-adjacent) 5) Kintsugi by SpicyChibi (mp100) it took me a week to recover from reading this. mp100 fanwriters have a way of capturing the vulnerability of serirei in a way that physically hurts me. Tender, good, I love them, I love them, I love them. Ongoing and 90,000 words so far. 6) Like A Cheap Suit, You Can Wear Me Out by Vulcanodon (mp100) written like a romantic comedy and made me laugh at every twist and turn of the plot. The last scene is forever ingrained in me and it actually makes me emotional. Case fic again and a very fun one 7) Heart Rate Rapid by Justkeeptrekkin (mp100) teacher au, all the children in one class, ongoing, literally finshed it yesterday, ACE REIGEN BELOVED. (so far no explicit content so don't pay too much mind to the rating, there are discussions of sex but only briefly and on a surface level) I love their banter and the transition from friendship to something more... sigh 8) where the night goes by bigspoonnoya (hq!!) 'the sad gay with the happy ending' tag got to me. I love bittersweet stories with happy endings (can you tell) and this one has kagehina in it.... utterly head over heels for stories where they meet many years later. 9) fake it, make it by zadderlee (hq!!) FAVOURITE KAGEHINA FIC RIGHT THERE! ongoing since good old 2019 but the author has said they are going to continue it at some point! good characterisation, i had forgotten how good it is but i keep getting back to this. 10) That Baby Does Not Belong to You (But It Could) by multifascinate (talkativelock) (hq!!) bokuaka with baby hinata. need i say more. oh, yeah and they are 20-somethings. And in college. the romance aspect is there but it mostly focuses on other things. And i love it.

anyway these are my ao3 recs bone apple teeth (pay attention to the content warnings and the tags. thanks!)

Favorite video games: i am an awful gamer but generally the story-based ones intrigue me and the ones that are fun to play together with friends! Disco elysium, Ace attorney, Mario Kart 8, Smash Bros and animal crossing!

i tag @livingonyoghurtandspite @horson @raph-red-fan and whoever wants to do this ✌ ( cough please give me fic recs i beg cough)

[the-blue-fairie]

For the Fictional character ask: the icons themselves Mickey and Minnie Mouse!

Since I already answered an ask about Mickey, this one will be exclusively about Minnie.

Favorite thing about them: I love, in the House of Mouse, how she's a lynchpin in keeping the House of Mouse afloat and does so much to hold it together, from keeping the projector in order to organizing cartoons, etc.

I also love it in shorts etc. when she's allowed to get hopping mad. A righteously frustrated Minnie is a wonderful Minnie, just like a happy and contented Minnie is also wonderful. :)

Least favorite thing about them: How she can be dismissed by a certain subset of the general public as "the generic female character." Which isn't an issue I have with her, it's with how (some) people see her, but there you go.

Three things i have in common with them:

I can be very gentle and demure. At the same time, if I get exasperated enough, I can make people know it.

Sometimes I worry I am not appreciated by my family group in the way I want to be.

I have a sentimental, romantic side.

Three things i don’t have in common with them:

I am not a mouse.

I am less sociable than she can be, at least when talking with others in person. I tend to be very introverted and reserved.

Regarding House of Mouse, I'm not as adept or as businesslike an organizer, although I always do try to be supportive of my friends.

Favorite line: Perhaps her exchange with Mickey at the end of the Gift of the Magi segment of Once Upon a Christmas. It's a lovely segment, and it's stayed with me even though I think I only saw the movie twice when I was little - once in school possibly, and once when we checked the VHS out from the library. It's just simple classic Gift of the Magi poignancy, I know, but there's just something beautiful and archetypal about it being Minnie and Mickey.

brOTP: her and Daisy

OTP: her and Mickey :)

nOTP: This fucking rat. Mortimer, I don't like you lol.

Random Headcanon: I'd like to synthesize all the different shorts/films where Mickey and friends re-enact literature or plays (Christmas Carol, Three Musketeers, Midsummer Night's Dream) and say that Mickey and Minnie don't just have to be separate iterations of themselves if it's cute to imagine them happily play-acting these parts with love and warmth for each other in their hearts. And it is cute to imagine.

Unpopular Opinion: I'm not sure if I have one?

Song i associate with them: This is going to be an odd one, but the temperance song "Come Home, Father" by Henry Clay Work from the 1850s/60s.

You see, the 1941 Mickey and Minnie short "The Nifty Nineties" was at the end of the VHS copy of Pollyanna that my family owned, and it includes a sequence of Minnie crying over the song, so since then, I've associated this song with... Minnie Mouse.

Favorite picture of them:

This moment from the Gift of the Magi segment of Once Upon a Christmas that I've gushed about already. Unlike with Mickey, I was able to find the exact moment from the scene I was looking for in screencap form.

I also want to give a shoutout to the pictures/stickers of Minnie in an old CD-ROM game, Disney Magic Artist Studio. I meant to bring up the game's depictions of Mickey last night as well, but in my haste I forgot.

See, you could put the "stickers" in various backdrops and then print out the image - or animate the stickers as well. I can't find the most iconic depictions of Minnie that I remember (I'm taking the above screencap from a Youtube vid), but suffice to say there were lots of cool variations - like Minnie dressed like she was on Mount Olympus, in the jungle, as an astronaut...

I DID find a picture I made with the game saved on an old computer a few years back, though, so let me share it. Enjoy astronaut Minnie!

[txemrn]

From what I've seen, there's like a trend now, of parents making baskets full of little trinkets and goodies (mostly small things or things from the dollar tree) for theirs kids, like in Easter, valentine's day, or another special occasion/holiday. Do you see your pairing doing thinks like that?

Hey, anon! Thank you so much for sending this Ask my direction! I don't know if it's the same thing, but I see a lot of gift baskets for kiddos for the other holidays outside of Christmas, which has the little trinkets and less expensive things (which I love!). I've also seen a lot of my friends recreate Advent Calendars for other holidays (one of my sweet friends is doing a Ramadan calendar on youtube!), which I think is an adorable way to bring in a holiday, especially if you are trying to teach children a significance behind the holiday.

Ethan and Tatum are all about creating special experiences for Cord rather than just buying gifts (they've never been big on giving each other gifts anyway... and that's not to say that gift-giving is bad. Tatum is beyond generous and the ultimate gifter when it comes to her coworkers and friends). Cord will no doubt be very privileged, coming from a very wealthy, very intelligent, very good-looking set of parents, but since both Ethan and Tatum came from very humble beginnings, I think they really want to instill in their son the need to appreciate what he has, and not only that, but that he has a HUGE opportunity to make an impact on the world because of what he has.

But you didn't exactly ask all that... whew, rabbit hole!

Building baskets? Ehhh... while it's adorable, I don't really see Ethan and Tatum doing that. BUT I could totally see them getting a trinket or two to celebrate special occasions (ie stickers, candy, toy cars, etc).

This is random, but in my HC, Tatum will take Cord to the Dollar Tree after a long day of running errands, and tells him he can pick out 1 thing. 🤣

Thanks again for the Ask! *hugs*

[ophelia-isla]

My childhood home 

By Ophelia Islao  

Most people would say that their childhood home was their house they grew up in. But not me. I grew up with a bed that had wheels and machines that were connected to me and that would sometimes be deep in the middle of the night scaring me, with a nurse coming in to check on me every 2 hours. I grew up having lung issues. I was in and out of the hospital for weeks at a time.  

My dad panicked one night I could not breathe. With no hesitation he was in sweatpants and a black T-shirt, threw his shoes in the truck and took me in his arms, put me on the front seat of his green ford truck and drove to the children's hospital of El Paso. On dad arms, a man saw my dad carrying me into the ER and grabbed me from him. Take me in quick. Later another nurse came in, she looked young wearing a royal blue scrub, black sweater with a very high ponytail. I can tell she was panicking; she was very worried. She tried to put an iv on me but couldn't find my vein. She panics even more moving the needle in arm around in circles, hurting me a little. But was so used the process was not the first time me being here. I looked at her and with the little breath I had I told her “Try the vein on my hand”. She looked like she wanted to cry, and she got it. Then they place these white stickers with wire all over my chest area. And place a clear mask over my mouth and nose. “Big deep breathe honey” the girl from earlier tells me. She looked more calm relief that I was not dying.  They were able to control my breathing.  

The Dr. comes into the ER and my mom rushes in behind him. She was wearing a black suit with a neon pink shirt, probably coming from the dinner she had with her friends. They wheeled me into a very big room, the room had two bunk beds. I was going to have a shared room but due to my condition I couldn’t be around another sick kids.  I was just in my dad's arms as they changed my Bratz Pj into a hospital gown. I hated how they fit me always big, and blue nor white was not my favorite color. The dark blue wheelchairs were so big that probably two of me would fit and still have space, and a girl with beautiful long blond hair wheeled me towards the end of the hall. My dad was there standing with a man wearing light blue scrubs, they open the door it was an all-white room and in the middle was this big tube machine with a bed in it. They laid me there. “Hold still”, he tells me “I need a good picture of you.” I did as he says so. In goes to the bed I was laying into the big tube. It fell very tight in there and I was trying not to panic but I started to breathe heavily, then the machine started to spin all round me 5 seconds was in there when and I wanted to move so badly. I yelled “papa get me out por favor.” the mix of the panic and having my lung issue, I started to having short of breath. The male nurse calls the nurse who had taken to the room. She put an oxygen mask on me. She wheeled me down the empty hall back to my room.  A few days after they moved me rooms. 

I spent days in a room that had stickers of flowers on the walls trying to distract you from the fact that you are sick. Although I didn't have my usual toys and coloring books, spent the next 7 days watching tv. The tv in my room had Disney channel. Channel 66. Back at home we didn't have luxury to have a tv’s in each room, only one tv in the living room with the news channel always on.  The tv was perfectly place in front of my bed. 

 A knock was at the door, it was my mom's friends bringing toys and coloring books. I didn’t realize how close we were to Christmas until my mom’s friend’s gift bag was a Santa Claus putting gifts under the tree. With a purple ballon that said, “best wishes.” 3 days later came around. I was still in the hospital and Christmas was 2 days away. I got sad because my mom loved Christmas and if I did get better in time, she was going to miss Christmas with my other two siblings. They were underage so they could not go into the hospital room. At the end of my room there was a window, I would sometimes go near and stare outside. I saw the snow fall very slowly hitting the ground and kids playing outside with their family and friends, throwing the snow at each other, running away from each other.  I couldn't do that at least not another 2 more week for my lung to get strong. It wasn’t so bad at the end because Santa came to see me at the hospital along with some police officers that gave me some gifts. Although it was fun, I wanted to go home. My iv was on the right side of my hand. As always been a crazy sleeper I would move a lot. I didn't know moved so much for even the needle of my iv to get pulled out as I slept. I woke up with a puddle of water on me. My mom noticed and called the nurse. She told me “Going to hold off on putting another one needle in your hand” My dr. comes in as if he was an angel coming in. He told us “You are free to go home but stay off the cold weather and no heavy exercise at school. You still need your rest, but you can get that from home.” My mom was over the moon after a week and half I was finally going home. 

 I wish I could say that was the only time I was in the hospital, but I was there 6 times in 4 years.  After turning 12 I was good and never had to go back for this issue. But being in that environment made me realize I did not want to be Dr or nurse; I was so over being in hospital. Even though i was not in hospital much I was still going to the Dr for checkups where they had me in a room full of stickers with Disney princesses and Disney characters that became also one of my homes. Dr. Canales office and Children's hospital of El paso were my childhood homes.  

[lifeofagirlnameddan]

This Life (Prt 4)

August came and we both enrolled for a volleyball camp in school. On the end of the first day, he and I were waiting for my ride home. He'll be visiting my house for the first time. He ate lunch with us here at home, and we built some gundams (He bought it for me but I had no clue on how to build it) Soon he had to leave, so I walked him down the stairs... We stopped at the middle of the stairway, I gave him a hug as I said goodbye, I'll see him after the next day, and right before that... he leans us against the wall, inches apart... closing the gap.... for only a split second! That was my first kiss! And I honestly loved it... It was so soft...so quick and the feeling was electrifying. I walked him out the gate unable to look him in the eyes, for every time we looked at each other our faces plastered with two huge goofy ass grins. He left and I ran back to my room squealing. Right after that the next time I saw him, kisses were now unlocked and that move is clearly a favorite. After August, school was starting once again. But there was an event, a school anniversary fair, so I invited him and we attended it on a weekend. It was fun, we ate, saw friends, and we did...kiss a lot more too, and we went out to eat ramen. He and I were having a blast, but for some reason a pang of guilt hit me as I never told my family about this... Knowing my mothers refusal to any relationship, I told S about my concerns, deciding if we were to break it off amidst the happiness. I was going to...but then I stopped, I didn't go through with it because I wanted to be happy with him and I deluded that perhaps mom will understand and let me have this? Besides it was his birthday the next week so it would be cruel to do that to him! By his birthday we went out with his friends, I only came for a moment but it was worth it while it lasted. I met his mother, I fumbled a bit since I wasn't wearing my glasses I didn't recognize her face so it may have seemed like I was ignoring her. I wanted to clear that up so badly. Eventually October and November came, and we would meet through hangouts with our other friends, go on double dates with his best friend and his gf. By a week before Christmas I invited S and another friend of mine (CC) to bake cookies together. Oh it was fun, being a little sneaky with S in my home, hiding away from my little sister and little cousins. And it was all fun and games really, we played Monopoly and had a lightsaber battle. CC left early and S stayed until 11pm. Often times, when he's free or around the area, S would come to visit my house and bring me gifts. Honestly he is so sweet. I gave him a jacket, pins, stickers, a sword, a plushie, and other hand crafted things. He'd bring me candies and snacks when I least expect it. He'd visit me in school as well, although I have to race down against his group of friends. Honestly dating him was like sharing him with the boys HAHAH. His friends are amazing, they've got genuine personality, deranged, insane, fun and drama-free. I find myself naturally accepted by them, me and all our friends combined makes just a big group of people who like and share similar interests, love of food, and harmonized interactions. I was so lucky to have met S, so lucky that I haven't felt depressed in so long, I learned to love without being so needy and I learned to put myself first and make boundaries even in a relationship. S helped me love my country, love my life and wanted to work hard for my future. And S told me that being with me brought back the light in his eyes, and his friends would say he's become a better person ever since then and I honestly have fallen in love with him...

January came, I didn't think we'd see each other at the start of 2024. But he showed up January 3, at my house to greet me. Honestly how dedicated are you???? We went on a date a few days after. I had my school sports fest at an arena far off, at first I didn't want to join but I heard S was going (Why? Even if he's no longer a student, it has perks to have a younger brother who is still in the same school as me) So when I heard he was attending, I showed up last minute to surprise him. Honestly I thought he was mad at me! He refused to look at me and talk to me after I surprised him, I became salty...Turns out he was just trying to contain his excitement...

February, my birthday, He showed up a week before to see me. Then my plans for my 18th birthday was to go on a trip with friends, an overnight at a mountain resort. It was an amazing experience, he was amazing, and it was so fun. We went on a sky bike together, crossed a bridge, went swimming, went on a sky swing together... Then we played video games, card games, ate lots of food, and his mom and dad treated me to dinner. (The only thing I wish didn't happen that time was me falling off a roof as the first time for me to meet his dad...) The day was so fun...and at night... well we'll skip that blissful night's details... By the next day we had one last activity before we leave, I rode in his van apart from my family, I fell asleep on him.. ehe...

March and April consisted of movie and mall dates, it was getting harder since our school requirements were piling up....

May 2, 2024

I went out to meet S in a cafe, it was a quick meet just wanting to catch up... We had a date set for the next day... As I left he gave me a kiss and kissed my cheek goodbye, something felt off this month...

May 3, 2024

I knew it, my mother found out about us and told me to come home. I'm not allowed to go out or commute anymore, and she'll be driving me in and out of school again... She spoke to me about it, she's not against S himself, she just said it wasn't the right time... She told me he was a good person and that I should keep him as a friend, but I should stop the relationship. Oh how I cried... I miss him... I love him, how can I break his heart like this? I followed her either way, and S understood... it took us a day of crying to talk again, he said we'll stay friends and that he doesn't resent me for this and that he's willing to wait. I love him for that, I'll wait for him as well. Up until now we have still been talking to each other daily, the only thing that every stopped was the affectionate words, physical touch and random gifts.

May 23, 2024

My my, it the present already... It's been my finals week and I have been stressing out my life, but S has still been there all this time. I'll see him tomorrow, we're going out with our friends for the first time in so long now to watch the Haikyuu: Dumpster Battle at the cinemas. This loop in life... is it different now? Is S the path going straightforward? I'm not just going in circles am I?

this is the update of the life of a girl named dan...

[loudestcloud]

💥 Fandom battle jacket tour 💥

👇🏻Explanations and details👇🏻 please forgive spelling mistakes, it's midnight n I'm tired n need to be up at 6 tomorrow

The back is a custom t shirt I ordered of official Pokémon card art of my top favourite Pokémon. Doduo, Sandile, Aipom, Sandshrew, Heracross and Pichu but specifically THE brothers. My Doduo are always called Finn-lee and my Sandile is Harrison Wells.

The blue numbers side is full of things that I can talk about for days on end / talk about a lot on here, more of a super fan side. 1: Official button of Yuu Kamda from D.gray man. 2: Thousand sunny from One piece pin brought at an irl shop. 3: Pride pin brought at my first pride years ago. 4: Official Tumblr pin I brought when looking at the store while getting my free One piece stickers. 5: A light house pin I brought at a museum, this one represents my favourite game To the moon although I am a huge fan of the museum I got it from. 6: The love of my life A bootleg Sanji from One piece pin I brought from AliExpress because I wanted to see how bad they are to talk about the differences honestly. 7: Franky from One piece pin, also from the AliExpress test. 8: Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist doing the rosie riveter pose?, idk why maybe it's like 'disabled ppl can do it too'?, I got him in a give away from The Fullmetal. I misplaced my Bakugo pin but he'll be on that side alongside my huge funko pop Kirishima, I may update this as it goes along.

The red side is more of a chill vibes side, I love the content, they did change my life a lot but like, I couldn't tell you much about the actual fandom and the inside jokes or whatever. 1: This is the exception to the rule, Lenalee Lee from D.gray man badge. She's on this side because I am new to the fandom but also I have made edits for Kanda and she's only partly on one edit not about her. 2: This is not a fandom, this is an anti diet culture pin that says 'Donuts forever, Diets never', I got it from Candy Doll Club along with the same pin but in brown for my Katakuri jacket. I am very anti diet culture, even more so now that I have been on one and GAINED ON IT?? anyway. 3: Stranger things Hawkins High badge I bought in 2017 at an irl shop & 4: Stranger things Eleven Eggo pin brought for me as a gift from a family member I no longer speak to. 5: Official Tom Nook from Animal crossing pin! It came with my siblings pre order of New Horizons & I love and care for him still to this day like he is a medal. 6: Anxious the Elephant from the Haven Holidays mascot team. Like I said yall, I was a Holiday park kid and I stan my girl. 7: A Slush puppy pin from Candy Doll Club, on this jacket to represent Heathers the musical. I do like the movie but the musical was my everything as a young teen. 8: The danger days spider from My Chemical Romance. Bro is my favourite album, has been since a young child but I cannot tell you the law around it.

Lastly we have a Fairy tail necklace charm on a keyring loop, specifically Gray's guild mark, this pocket is on the 'blue' side. A clown a friend got me for Christmas because I love silly little guys, on the red side because he isn't anyone, he's just fun. Ace from One piece, blue side obviously and lastly this hidden Big foot, temporarily representing The Adventure zone: amnesty because I do own the patch and that will be going under the gap, i think I'll probably move Big foot over to the red side when that happens cos i know jack shit about actual cryptids.

[help-help-i-need-an-adult]

I’m glad you like them.

But

but I work remotely, and the part of this meeting that matters could have been an email, and they had some dumb wardrobe requirement that I had to go shopping for beforehand because just business casual isn’t good enough when we could all be wearing white shirts and denim jackets, and I drove 2 hours to be here and will drive 2 hours back home, and I’m not getting any actual work done so I have to work harder tomorrow to make up for it, and they brought food options I’m allergic to AGAIN. And all the stickers are pink and cutesy AGAIN. And the music they’re playing is basic white girl music AGAIN. And they’re making us pose for a fucking awkward family group photo AGAIN!

Sorry. Im gonna be a party pooper.

Enforced fun isn’t fun for me.

Also, would it kill my boss to find one goth sticker?

Would it kill my co-workers to make my winter holiday gift NOT Christmasy as I’ve stated multiple times that I’m not Christian and HATE CHRISTMAS? Get me black socks instead of red and green. Please, for the LOVE OF THE GODS.

Would it kill my boss to make a playlist of calm instrumental music that we can hear her over instead of Taylor Swift?

Would it kill them to set a room up so I can sit somewhere where my hearing disability isn’t going to make this harder and more exhausting?

I’d hate the “get to know me” bs games less if they actually retained any of it. If they actually listened to the “no citric acid” food requirement they asked for in an email a week prior. If they put ANY of their money where their mouth is.

So yeah. I’m gonna sit there and let Whitney flounder as I sip the lemonade hoping it cases me to throw up and become her problem too.

Please don’t berate the rest of us who don’t want to be there. You being excited and having fun tells me you’re just a person having a good time. You trying to force me to have a good time when this has been designed against me every time for the last 6 years is what makes you a brown nose.

I want it noted, that I love my job and I love the team I work with. But I love these things as a job. I love my team being my co-workers because we get shit done and we do it well. We’re friends enough without needing to see how many Disney songs we can name before the other team does.

I knooooow I look like a teacher's pet I knoooooooooow I look like a brown-noser and a suckup but I can't help it I genuinely enjoy team building exercises and get-to-know-you games, I love going to work parties and solving riddles and learning about my coworkers it is enrichment for me

[upthetracks]

1/1/24 - After June

June I was sitting with her watching her childhood cat take its last breath and crying and loving her just as much as always. Eating a can of mandarins by the river with the gnats crowding in, quickest thing I could grab out the pantry after I heard her laughing with someone I once hoped to love, delirious in the heat and the hunger. Sitting in one of the back pews of a tiny church, white in all black in a sea of black family in baby blue - they'd invited me but I didn't hear about the dress code - wiping tears and snot on my sleeve after seeing my full-of-life friend dead and still in the casket.

And June is the month I met my friend from Georgia who I been clinging to ever since. We started feeding people on a hot August day and haven't stopped. Made a pot of stew just two days ago to hand out. Same month I had a 3 day romance, last week back home for christmas I had my first gay hookup. In October, went to a trans celebration and won a vial of T, saw my friend's set up for diy hormones, tried dmt. Made a couple things I'm proud of - big back patch for a Palestine march, a t-shirt design to fund raise for the Atlanta community bail fund, 100 stickers against the cpc up the street. I've been learning how to be a better listener and friend to the kids at work. I've been laughing often. My weeks are often full. I sat in on a mutual aid teach in recently, and met a black organizer who makes me feel like there's work in this city that is actually meaningful and direct. There are some folks around me with passion who I feel I could learn from. A friend saved up a whole pile of bread tags for me and gave em to me as a Hanukkah gift, one of the sweetest things someone's done for me in a while. I feel like I'm better with people than I used to be, like I can sit and chat with anyone if I gotta. Makes me less scared to be around new folks. Watched some John Waters movies with my ex-lover. We spend a lot of time together still, I'm grateful there's still love and friendship between us. I think I've learned how to be there better for my friend that has panic attacks and spirals. I feel like I'm a better cook than I used to be. I feel a little older, a little more steady on my feet. Mostly I am ashamed of myself, but sometimes I catch a facet of myself reflecting some light back. I stand taller. The fog is less constant. There is more sharpness and motion and change. The months do not bleed into each other so much. I feel more. I think more, want more. I feel like I am living a sad small life, but a life.

This year I want to be more dependable, committed, autonomous, skilled. I want to build this distro up strong and right, I want to grow bolder and less afraid. I want to make art, read, learn, be curious, be spontaneous, fluid, quick to spring and do on a whim. Less lethargic, less trapped by inertia, indecision, comforting numbness. I want to laugh with friends, grow closer, kiss lovers, text back, climb trees, get hurt, get up, get to work. Be honest, be blunt, be open. Desire, want, hunger, plan, enact. Stick with it. More life, more life.

You will be ashamed, you will feel alone, you will feel lost, impotent, cowardly, stupid, stuck, stagnant. And you will wake up. And you will try just a little bit, and it will feel like an unfurling. And you will forget again, and when you feel it again it will be familiar. And then more familiar, less impossible, more reflexive, more matter of habit. Maybe one day you will have teeth and be free. More life, more life.