#my grandparents constantly berated her for this and my grandmother would sit with me when i was younger and didnt understand

[theonlinemuse]

And now it’s Yolanda’s turn to have a headcanon post! @freckledpianoman and me wanted to contribute more Yolanda Montez content to the tags now that the season finale has aired: 

Yolanda’s family follows Mexican naming conventions so her full name is Yolanda Pilar Montez Zurita. Montez is her father’s last name while Zurita is her mother’s maiden name. And yes, Zurita is for Juan Zurita

Nicknames are also a tradition in the Montez family. Yolanda’s parents called her mija and nena before their estrangement while her maternal grandmother and her little brother call her by her diminutive name, Yoyi 

Courtney’s absolutely delighted when she first hears Yolanda’s abuelita call her Yoyi. She thinks it’s adorable. Yolanda just fondly rolls her eyes when Court whisper yells Yoyi at her all starry eyed 

She’s third generation Mexican American. Her maternal grandparents, the Zuritas were originally from Puebla and they came to Blue Valley in the 1970s where their daughters, Maria and Mimi (Yolanda’s mom and aunt) were born and raised. Yolanda grew up speaking Spanish, but she’s not fluent like her parents. She sometimes blanks out trying to remember certain words 

“Man, I don’t even know how to begin explaining this in Spanish.”

Yolanda admits that she’s not much of a cook, but she grew up helping her abuelita make traditional dishes and as a result the only two dishes that Yolanda’s capable of making are mole poblano and chiles en nogada 

She shares these recipes with Beth and they eventually start cooking together in Beth’s kitchen while Chuck blares music requests in the background 

Yolanda usually wears her hair in double braids because her abuelito used to braid her hair in the morning before school. He always claimed that braids were the one style he could confidently do out of all the hairstyles that Yolanda’s abuelita taught him 

She does start branching out after Courtney and Beth start helping her experiment with different hairstyles. Yolanda does styles like half up or regular space buns, topknots, braided low ponytails, and she rarely wears her hair down 

Courtney once accidentally dyed Yolanda’s hair red when she was trying to give her highlights. Artemis helped fixed it (thanks to the time she accidentally went blonde for a month) but Yolanda ended up with ombre hair for a few weeks 

For her quinceañera, Yolanda took inspiration from old photos of her abuelita and silver screen bombshells from the Golden Age of Mexican cinema 

Yolanda started learned how to box from her abuelito when she was nine. He was a former lightweight boxing champion in Puebla and he taught boxing classes at a school that he founded with a fellow boxer (who Yolanda later discovers to be Henry Grant, the first Wildcat’s father) after he retired. It became their bonding time

He died when she was fourteen and she joined the Blue Valley High boxing team as a way to honour his memory. She even adopted his boxing nickname, The Mauler 

Boxing wasn’t the only sport that she did growing up. Yolanda’s mom signed her up for ballet classes when she was in kindergarten and she was good enough to attend summer classes at the American Ballet Academy during middle school, starring in a few small productions like Coppélia and The Taming of the Shrew 

She was forced to quit ballet after the fallout with Cindy leaking her pics and she was closed off for weeks because she missed dancing. After joining the JSA, Beth invited her to sit in on her ballroom dance lesson because “I know it’s not ballet exactly, but you get antsy if you don’t dance, I totally get that” 

Yolanda only intended to go to the one lesson, but after partnering up with Beth for a not-so-serious tango and laughing harder than she has for months, she went back to the next lesson. And the next one and by the time the fourth lesson rolls around, Yolanda decides to sign up for the same classes as Beth 

Yolanda can eat spicy food as long as there’s just ground spices in it, but she cannot handle chilies, much to her dismay. Every time she accidentally eats one, her eyes water and you can literally see her trying to hold in her reaction going, “nope, I’m not gonna do this, I’m not going to have my ancestors laugh their collective asses off just because I can’t handle a damn pepper” 

She eventually caves when Courtney and Beth offer her their chocolate milk 

Because she was raised Catholic, Yolanda has a habit of eating fish and shellfish instead of meat on Fridays. Fridays are when the JSA go out to eat instead of staying in the cafeteria and it’s Yolanda’s day to indulge in seafood. Courtney is still surprised how Yolanda can put away two giant king crabs like it’s no big deal, their bodies alone are bigger than Rick’s face 

Yolanda’s favourites are coconut curry steamed clams, grilled shrimp, and the crab boil, all washed down with a raspberry lemon agua fresca 

Her love for seafood has earned her an annoying, yet affectionate nickname from her cousins, “fish head”

“Mauler Montez, huh? You should’ve gone with El Mero, it’s much more on the nose.” 

Courtney and Beth are the only people that Yolanda will share her seafood feast with because a) she gets to feed Beth for once and b) she knows how much Courtney loves shrimp 

Rick can starve and Artemis keeps getting her hand smacked away every time she tries to sneak food 

“It was one freaking scallop!” “Aren’t you allergic? Do you want to break out into hives again?” 

When Beth first brought Artemis to sit at the loser’s table, Yolanda was a little wary of her because she’s known for tackling football players twice her height and she’s pretty sure her parents are Sportsmaster and Tigress. Now Yolanda and Artemis are snarky, overly competitive friends who arm wrestle and and have each others’ backs on the football team 

Artemis managed to convince Yolanda to join as an alternate member since football season is right after boxing season and the team could use more girls

Artemis is still trying to convince Beth and Courtney to join as well 

“You guys need something other than the JSA, you can get all your frustrations out in football.” 

Courtney and Beth drag Rick to games to cheer them on 

They both have huge sweet tooths and Artemis is constantly trying to steal the tres leches cake and chocolate flan that Yolanda brings to school. And it’s often a race to get the last one of whatever baked good Beth has brought with her that day 

And as huge tomboys as they are, Yolanda and Artemis are arguably the best at doing makeup out of all the girls. Artemis likes experimenting with eyeliner and smokey eyeshadows while Yolanda knows a lot about lip products thanks to her abuelita, who rocks red lipstick and berry flavoured lip gloss well into her seventies 

Yolanda means “violet” and she was named as such because her landscape architect mother was working on a Phillipine violet garden during her pregnancy and there was a pot of Persian violets in the OBGYN’s office the day the Montezes found out they were having a girl 

Even the earrings that her grandparents gave Yolanda for her first communion were a pair of violet shaped stud earrings 

Her abuelita even gave her a pressed violet pendant choker for her fifteenth birthday 

Yolanda is a huge horror movie fan. It was a tradition that she shared with her dad since no one else in the family can stand them. Now she keeps trying to get Beth to watch horror movies with her despite the “Halloween only tradition” because Beth’s the only other person who would survive a horror movie 

Beth spends half the time clinging to Yolanda when they’re not booing at horror cliches and trying to predict which character is dying next while berating fictional life choices 

Courtney and Rick are in the other room pouting, trying and failing to catch up on homework

On the flip side, Beth makes Yolanda watch cartoons with her after horror movies because between school and the JSA, they need other ways to relax and unwind. Yolanda ends up loving The Owl House 

“I started watching it because Luz looks like me. I kept watching because it’s so good.” “Yolanda! You did get hooked, you big nerd!” 

Beth also finds out that Yolanda is also really into She-Ra, which may or may not have to do with how Catra and Adora look like Yolanda and Courtney. Beth doesn’t stop grinning and nudging her for the rest of the night when she sees Yolanda blushing over Catra and Adora 

“You guys could dress up as them for Halloween!” 

Despite their different tastes, they both enjoy true crime and history shows. They’re both fans of Drunk History and the Drunk Mystery Halloween episodes 

And Beth is surprised to learn that Yolanda has a soft spot for period dramas as well. The both love Hidden Figures and The Personal History of David Copperfield 

Yolanda is what Artemis likes to refer to as a distinguished bi. She knew that she was bi since she was fourteen when her abuelito pointed out that the way she acted around the very pretty ballerina in her dance class was the exact same as the way she acted around the very charming baseball player 

“Abuelito, oh my god! Did anyone else notice?” “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, mija. You just have very good taste in people, just like your Tia Mimi.” “Tia Mimi likes girls too?” 

And thus, her abuelito technically became the first person she came out to 

She’s out to only two other people in her family, her little brother and her abuelita. It’s not like her parents would be disappointed in her for being bisexual (the congregation that the Montezes go to is fairly open) but Yolanda wasn’t able to talk with them about it because of her estrangement with them 

Whenever she gets a crush on someone, she does this little honking laugh that makes Rick look at her in a mix of horror and confusion

“What the hell, is that your laugh? Stop flirting and help me find Hootie before Beth finds out he’s missing.”

It’s what clues him in to Yolanda’s crush on Courtney 

Due to her estrangement from her parents, Yolanda didn’t think about having a quinceañera, but the JSA decides to throw her one with help from Yolanda’s abuelita, Socorro “Coco” Zurita, who’s played by Adriana Barraza. Aside from Tia Mimi who’s played by Marisa Ramirez and Yolanda’s cousins Josefa and Charo, played by Lee Rodriguez and Herizen Guardiola, Abuelita Coco is pretty much the only other family member besides Alex who still talks with her and she will make sure that her granddaughter has a wonderful quinces 

Yolanda was never really a big fan of big, poofy dresses because they remind her of the itchy netted dresses that she had to wear for her first communion and other big church events she had to go to as a kid. So Beth and abuelita Coco decide to surprise her by making a skirted jumpsuit instead 

And while she doesn't wear heels that often, joining Beth at her dance classes helps ensure that she rocks the Wildcat blue shoes that Courtney picks out for her 

Beth, Courtney, and Artemis all pitch in to get a cat eye necklace for Yolanda to wear at her quinces. Yolanda denies crying when they give it to her

“Are you crying?” “It’s my allergies acting up, no big deal.”

And instead of the father-daughter dance, the JSA just converges on Yolanda for one big slow group dance One Day at a Time style 

Yolanda and Courtney have more than a few slow dances together 

She has nicknames for everyone in the JSA. Courtney is Shooting Star, Beth is Sunshine, Artemis is Hawkeye, and Rick is John Bender 

“Seriously, Yolanda? You couldn’t have been more creative.” “Would you rather I call you One Minute Man?” “Ugh, just don’t say it in front of Beth.” 

Yolanda knows so many Selena songs by heart because abuelita Coco is a huge fan. She grew up singing along to Bidi Bidi Bom Bom and Como La Flor and it’s almost a Pavlovian response to sing along to a Selena song whenever she hears one on the radio during JSA car trips 

Courtney and Beth totally sing along with her while Artemis heckles them and Rick just groans and tells the girls to keep it down when he’s trying to drive 

Yolanda is the only JSA member that Beth’s goggles will work for, but she still can’t make the staff glow. However, she’s the only person (other than Courtney and Pat) who’s able to order it around 

“Wait, why is she able to order it around?” “Maybe because it knows Yolanda is a boss.” 

[prorevenge]

Wonder Twin Powers Activate

Our teacher was almost sixty, dressed in bright colors(usually pink) and would speak like she was a politician in EVERY past life. This woman was HORRIBLE but I wasn't fully aware of how at first. I know that she could be curt and liked making jokes that seemed kind of rude but at the time, I just thought it was adult humor. At this point, I had few friends but people left alone because I was considered too crazy to mess with but this teacher treated me like I was adorable, also assumed it was because she was an old lady. Bro had chosen to sit next to me, which he usually tried knowing I could answer any questions if he struggled. I had finished the paperwork early and Matt was still working on it. I told him to let me know if he needed anything as I started reading a book. I usually zone out when I read so I fell asleep on accident and my brother didn't want to wake me up so he asked the teacher. A. Single. Question. She, instead of helping an answering the question, started berating him, talking down to him. He said nevermind but she didn't like that one bit as her voice got LOUDER. He kept trying to say nevermind until I was woken up by the teacher as she LOUDLY announced to the class how worthless my brother was and what an idiot he was and anything she could say until it finally registered what was happening and I stood up with an "Excuse me?" The class goes dead quiet as the teacher says "Sit down, honey" and continues to say things, now saying my brother was obviously cheating off my homework at home and how he planned to ride my coattails to pass school. My brother is really sensitive but I have never seen him cry in public because if he doesn't value your opinion, then who cares but this woman was shredding him to me and in front of his friends who DIDN'T KNOW he had a learning disability. I let loose, insulting her beyond measure even climbing over my desk to get in her face, the teacher actually being MY height. I wasn't going to attack an adult but man, I considered it and she KNEW it. She tried to hold her confidence, saying I should take my seat or she'd fail me and give me attention and I dared her to. I told my bro to get up and that we were going to the office, the teacher demanding we take our seats and actually grabbed him. I pushed her and told her and said I knew we'd be sent to the principal's anyway. On our way and waiting in the office, Bro confesses to me that she, even though he told her on the first day had been harassing him NONSTOP and the help I was giving him at home was basically the only education he was getting on the subject and the reason he didn't say anything before because he didn't want me to stop thinking he was cool. I became LIVID.

By this point, when the secretary saw me coming she KNEW I had done something. Surprisingly enough, admin was on good terms with my family because of the bullying issues that I had previously reported and gotten into fights over and it actually ended with my dad and the principal at the time becoming friends- his name Mr. Green and he went to became superintendent so whenever I was in the office, he was called as well to meet with the principal and my parents.

I relayed all of the info to the adults, Bro being pretty much too traumatized to respond. The principal tried to defend her stating Bro was overly sensitive but Mr. Green was NOT having it. They called her in and without letting anyone get a word in, she went on a tirade stating I had attacked her and she wanted the "demon twins" out of her class because we're nothing but trouble. This raised flags with the principal now because she had apparently BRAGGED to other staff about how she basically didn't have to teach me and I didn't bother her at all. They began filing kids in who witnessed everything, the bruise on Bro's arm now turning purple and skin slightly cut from where her manicure dug into him. Safe to say I didn't see her after that but I always felt like that wasn't good enough but my mom had mental health issues and my dad didn't want to stress her out.

Oh. But its not over, my vengeful ladies and gentlemen. I got a surprise I NEVER thought possible, time for revenge.

Fast forward a few years, my mom's mental health is getting unreasonable for a house of children and my siblings are split to live with grandparents. Me and oldest Sis go to live with my mom's mom in the next state over and Bro decided to stay with Grandma in state because of his friends.

I decided to go to a public school, not wanting to enjoy a repeat of bullies that were bailed out by their entitled parents. I decided I was going to read and talk to no one to avoid fights but that actually got me a lot of friends, including our football team's HULK, a 6'3" linebacker who bonded with me over our shared love of books and even came over to help my arthritic grandmother with anything at the drop of a hat.

One day, we had a substitute teacher that everyone did not like who seemed vaguely familiar to me in a haunted sort of way but it had nothing to do with Lord of the Rings or comics so I couldn't care less. I was only in this class because I had caught pneumonia the year before and I have a serious immune deficiency AND my dad passed away so I was out of school over the allotted absence time and had to repeat two classes(still only had four classes my senior year so I nailed it). The sub was hanging around more and more when it finally hit me.

IT WAS MY MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHER.

Apparently, she had gotten remarried and went to Japan on a teaching program which she bragged about constantly when she tried to connect to me while I was reading manga in her class. I didn't know if she had recognized me at first but it was clear by the way she was singling me out after a bit she had. I was going to ignore it thinking she was only a sub when we got news that our prev. teacher was going to be gone for a while because she was having complications with her pregnancy and this teacher was now our permanent teacher for the rest of the year.

The class hated her, half of which deciding not to do work out of blatant protest.

Not me. I finished everything at the start of class, ASAP so I could go about ignoring her- something she HATED but tried to turn in her favor often. She would even try to give me book recommendations, bash something she saw me reading or even give out spoilers.

It was only after one classmate who turned around and said "this class is stupid, I don't want to be here" and I responded with "You do know if you DO the work you WON'T have to be here AGAIN NEXT YEAR?" and she used it as an opportunity to attack that it hit me. Time for some revenge.

I spoke to the guy after class, apologizing for snapping which he understood and then asked if he wanted tutoring and to help with revenge as I explained why. Apparently, this teacher had been going after him in class like my Bro too. SHE DIDN'T LEARN.

I continued to pay her no attention in class but also took the time to offer my fellow students assistance, which she hated, telling me to get back in my seat or to not talk to the other students because if they didn't understand it when she said it, they probably wouldn't understand the material at all. One of the male student's friends in the class had been let in on the plan and had left their phone on to record anything in class of her going after students.

At this school, each year had their own Assistant Principal and I learned what day the AP for this year(technically I was a junior so sophomore), a cool dude was coming in to observe class with other admins. JUDGEMENT DAY. The lesson the teacher was going through was Protagonist VS. Antagonist. How fitting.

She was going over the nursery rhyme, Little Miss Muffet. I finished the worksheet almost right away and I glanced at the stunned looks on one of the admin's faces who saw me write quickly and open a book and the AP actually snickered and leaned over to say "She does that a lot."

The teacher was talking about what was on the projector and realized quickly that the admins were not happy because half the class was not listening or paying attention. She then went to her usual target, me who she had seated front row; it was the closest seat to both her projector and desk so yeah, I knew she was singling me out.

Teacher: "You're reading in my class while I'm trying to teach, sweetie."

Me: "Yeah, I'm done with work."

Teacher: "Yes, but I'm still in the middle of the lesson." Me: "...Okay? Go ahead." Teacher: "I'd like you to pay attention." Me: "Why? I'm already done."

Teacher: "Yes, but the rest of the class isn't." Me: "Then what are you waiting for? I'm done, I'm not going to sit here doing nothing." Teacher: *flustered but grabs my worksheet* "Alright then, let's see your work." *looks it over before getting this huge grin on her face* "You put that the spider is the protagonist but that's wrong, Little Miss Muffet is the protagonist."

She then geared up to start a speech about the importance of listening to her when I said-

"Actually, I don't think she is. I wrote why if you'd read past the first sentence."

Teacher: "No, that's wrong." Me: "I don't think it is. The story goes "Little Miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey; along came a spider who sat down beside her, and frightened Miss Muffet away." Based on that, all it says the spider definitively did was sit next to her, it didn't say he shouted "boo!" or attacked her. She could have just went "Ah! Spider!" and ran for it. Sounds more like she made a snap judgement based on appearance."

The class is speechless.

Teacher: *composing herself* "Well, it's still wrong. For this lesson, it's wrong."

Me: "Is it though?" I can see her jaw clenching, pissed. "The questions on these worksheets say to write who you THINK is the protagonist and antagonist and explain why. So technically, its a matter of perspective and the only way to get it wrong is to not meet the paragraph requirement."

The class echoes with "OOOOOOH's and some snickering.

Teacher: "Oh, if you think you're smart enough. Why don't YOU teach the class?"

I was initially going to turn her down, only making my point for her to LEAVE ME ALONE when my classmates started volunteering me. The male student even saying "I'm going to have to ask her to explain it all again later anyways and you get mad when she tries to help us so let her teach us."

I was glad the class rallied behind me but NO. I was not prepped for it. I improv'd on the white board, turning off the projection and even using comic book examples to explain the differences until the AP chuckled and called the joke(they're not actually supposed to say anything during observation), asking me to take a seat. The teacher was angry and continued to single me out until the end of class when she asked me to stay after to speak with her. The male student lingered in the doorway with his friend to stop the AP just outside, out of view stating they wanted to talk to him. They stopped him just in time for him to hear the teacher SHRIEK at me, accusing me of ruining her life and trying to ruin it AGAIN while slinging all sorts of insults at me.

The AP stormed in and she turned paper white. The other students followed saying they wanted to show him the recordings we took of her insulting kids in class and how the only reason kids were working now was because I spoke to them because the teacher would stop the ENTIRE class and make us do nothing for full periods saying we'd be too stupid to understand the lesson so why teach if we weren't going to respect her anyway. From there we went to the office and listed how she had been attacking other students and I told her how she taught at my middle school. He told me I could go back to class as he discussed it with the other APs and our Principal and I passed the teacher in the hallway and said "By the way, my brother says hi."

I went home, called him up and told him about it and he just sat there chuckling and going "Oh my god" repeatedly for about twenty minutes.

She was still there the next day but she did not say a WORD to me for the rest of the semester and the next semester, we were all put into different classes, learning that they allowed her to finish the semester on the promise to leave me alone but that she would NOT be coming back.

I managed to get the same teacher fired. TWICE.

And guess what? I write books now so, how's that for a twist?

(source) story by (/u/awkwardbirdnoise)

[modronlotus]

I need to get something off my chest.

I've been thinking about how my family officially found out (well, somewhat) about my practice and it's clinging to me. All of the emotions are latched on to me.

I've been wanting to tell you guys about what happened. That way you can learn from my experience. Because I'm honestly no different than any of you who haven't officially said your spirituality out loud. 

So let's get this going:

--

First I want to say I don't officially know what I am. 

I know my beliefs; I love the idea as everything is energy and manipulating it creates magic. That belief is reinforced every time I do a tarot reading or practice with my pendulum. I believe in the power of chakras, meditation, and balancing your body. I believe in your right to choose what you want out of your practice and not dictate what others should and shouldn't do. I like the ideas of Buddhism and reaching a state of enlightenment. I'm an eceltic cottage witch who likes tarot, green tarot, everything that has to do with Taurus, and five-hour baths.

But I don't know what I am religiously.

I don't dabble with deities, although I have thought of working with Hecate, Chang-E, or Nox.

But I don't know what I am religiously.

This is completely the opposite of how I grew up. I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness, I was even an Unbaptized Publisher (which is pretty much a fancy title for nothing) when I was nine. 

But I remember a few things being wrong with that belief system. And I remember having a hard time with the smallest things growing up this way:

I wasn't allowed to say the Pledge of Allegiance in school. It was considered worshiping an idol. I had a teacher who refused to believe this and gave me the hardest time about it.

I remember sitting in class reading a "Young People Ask" book. Its a publication that's supposed to help explain puberty and going to school among those who aren't Witnesses to teens. There was a picture of a girl and boy kissing in a car. My grandmother came to school and whooped me because the teacher (same one as I previously mentioned) told her I was sneak reading it and being disgusting with the pictures.

I wasn't allowed to watch Scooby Doo, Harry Potter, or anything to do with ghosts, witches, demons, or anything magic. That's So Raven was off limits, especially.

I remember having a hard time explaining after Christmas break that I didn't have a Christmas. My grandparents did celebrate their wedding anniversary around that time and everyone received gifts from that, but no Christmas.

I wasn't allowed to go to Halloween parties or participate in them in school. I went trick or treating once when I was four or five; I was Blossom from PowerPuff Girls.

Birthdays aren't celebrated at all, as the two birthdays mentioned in the New Testament of Jehovah's Witnesses had someone killed. I kind of know how old my mother is and I definitely don't know how old my grandmother is because of this. It's awkward telling that to people.

I remember hearing a talk at a convention once when I had a crush on a boy who wasn't in "The Truth". We were in fourth grade, he was the son of the Vice-Principal, and was incredibly smart and sweet. A good kid. But that doesn't matter to Witnesses; you're not allowed to marry or date anyone outside of "The Truth". I remember crying my heart out during the meeting, my grandmother holding my head to her side to keep me quiet. I never told her why I was upset.

You see, growing up a Witness wasn't that bad. I didn't go anywhere really and stayed home, but I just was used to it. We weren't supposed to have friends outside the Kingdom Hall anyway.

But the problem was I felt dirty being there. I felt like an outsider. I remember looking at the two other people there that were my age and thinking about how different we were. I didn't want to be a missionary. I didn't want to give talks. I didn't want to go out in Field Service and go door-to-door. I didn't want to sit in that meeting three times a week; I constantly got in trouble for falling asleep. 

The biggest wakeup call I had was when my mother tried to kill herself. I was nine, my sister was a few months old, and my mother had just gotten back into the congregation. 

I still went to meetings with my grandmother, did everything the same, but didn't say anything about my mother. You see, my family doesn't like to talk about anything negative. Depression is a bad topic. Leaving the Kingdom Hall was worse.

My mother wasn't ever the same after that, but that's an entirely different discussion. But she plays apart in this story:

My mother has always prided herself on being "a friend to the friendless". She wears everything she does with a badge, even if it's not good. Like going to jail, being in a mental institution, or leaving her kids. She tries to make it sound like an amazing experience for her to have. 

She has friends upon friends who are some of the lowest individuals you can think of. Thieves, drunks, druggies, etc. She helps them anyway. She considers herself their friend.

I never saw it that way. I just laid in my room, quietly cried and blasted music with a million candles lit. I read books I personally bought, like Vampire Diaries or Wolf at the Door. I loved Twilight, I'm not ashamed of it. It was an escape, especially with vampires.

One day, I received a gift from an ex-boyfriend: a pentacle necklace. I thought it was beautiful. I didn't have an association with the symbol, I just thought it was gorgeous.

I wore it everyday. My grandmother saw it, called me a demon lover and possessed, and my mother had me throw away all the books I bought. Over sixty. Twilight was spared because I was letting someone borrow them at the time and I told my mother I'd give them to him. His dog tore them to pieces. 

Now, even though my family doesn't talk about and tends to forget negative things, if it's something bad that they don't like they'll never forget. Like me getting that necklace.

In December of 2015 I got married. We didn't have the money for a big ceremony, but we did our best. Bought a cake, made reservations for 15 people at a local Chinese place, and had a handfastening ceremony in the park. I made my dress from red velvet and leftover white fur from a Christmas show I was working on in college. My husband wore his interview clothes and a new cardigan. It was perfect for us.

Now, my husband wanted us to get married in winter. He hates the heat and I love the cooler time of year anyway. He chose December 21st for the first day of winter. Coincidentally that's also the winter solstice.

I got call after call, even the morning of the wedding, from my grandmother and mother about how I was being sneakily Pagan behind their back. They tried to back out of coming a good dozen times, but showed up anyway. They were the only ones from my side that did, along with my sister and my cousins under the age of seven.

I won't go into details, but my mother pretty much ruined my wedding day for my husband. I knew something bad was going to happen; I even asked my tarot cards the night before how it would go. It didn't end well.

They didnt know it, but the week before my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our daughter. I sent a letter to my mom, tried clearing the air, but before the baby was even mentioned I was pretty much disowned.

However, now that my daughter's here, my family felt a sense of entitlement. They wanted to see her. Everyone does when there's a baby. But dealing with birth and postpartum issues, I didn't want that.

So I decided a few weeks ago to call my mother and explain that I wasn't comfortable with the demanding nature of everything around my daughter. I'm still not. But she's my daughter, my decision.

She understood that, in her talking-over-me way.

Then I decided now was the time to tell her about my tarot business.

This is why: we're moving back up to where she lives soon. With how nosy everyone is, they were going to find out anyway. It's better to give a warning to avoid bigger issues down the line.

Plus my mother has a track record with hiding things like this from my grandmother. You know, to help me out and cause less drama. She'd do the same thing here, right?

Wrong.

She called me a demon, again. Didn't understand why I wanted to tell her about my business, about my spirituality. The same woman who says she'll always be there for my daughter in one sentence and then demonizes me, literally, in the next. And then she brought up my wedding day, saying I lied about getting married on the first day of winter. 

How am I supposed to take that? I'm expected to lay down, agree, say I'm sorry, and forget about it. I'm expected to let her berate me and then demand to be near my child. I'm expected to agree to being a liar when I'm not.

So I cut her off. Her and everyone else.

I've dealt with the abuse my entire life. I've dealt with the toxicity my entire life. But this conversation, this hypocrisy, is not happening to my child. I don't want her to feel support and love and then complete dismissal from a family that's been there her whole life. 

Not ever.

I wanted to share this because it's a constant conversation in the magical community about whether to stay quiet about your practice or expose it. 

I do agree with some teachings; that you need to be like the Earth; silent and speaking when it's necessary.

I agree with keeping your craft from those who would cause harm or problems.

But I also believe in putting your foot down and nipping problems in the bud.

Should I have said anything? I think so. It was going to happen sooner or later.

I was tired of the constant battle over child care and if my business really matters and when I was going to make something of myself.

I was tired of not feeling any support.

I was tired of being told I was loved by the people who said they only cared about my baby.

I was tired of my husband being excluded from everything, and in turn me.

I was tired of being seen as less than a person by the people who raised me.

And I was tired of constantly being told, "You can always go to the Kingdom Hall".

No. I can't. And I won't.

I took some to sit down and talk with Karyn from The Lost Lemurian about my experience with coming out of the broom closet.

We also talked about how difficult it is to have an ongoing practice while living at home with religious restriction.

Take a look at our conversation here; lots of tips and tricks are given for practicing in everyday subtle ways.

--

Bit of a personal post today, but I hope I was able to help you in some way. Talking about your spirituality is such a sensitive topic. I just wanted to be open and honest with you guys about my own.

I also want to say if you guys ever need someone to rant to about things like this, feel free to email me. I'll listen. I'll help in any way I can. No matter what you believe, I promise that.