#and sometimes its just FUN to have her genuinely be the worst person in the world

[vriskabot]

saw you rbed that shipping bingo a while ago so you dont have to answer this but davris?

i woke up got on tumblr immediately and saw this. i will never not answer a question about davris.

[saetoru]

Tee…

I’m now on my hands and knees BEGGING for bully Gojo who is (secretly) DISGUSTINGLY IN LOVE over the reader PLEASE ANY CRUMBS I WILL TAKE

(you don’t actually have to write this it was just a nice thought)

idkkkkk if it’s rly bully gojo—but he’s definitely a real cunt for sure.

i just think about an asshole! gojo a lot like he’s ur lab partners or something and he does that stereotypical jerk move where he’s like “seriously ?? her ??” when he’s first paired with you. and he’s just naturally an douche, yk ?? wears sunglasses indoors and makes jokes at the professors expense under his breath that gets him snickers and snorts from his frat guys in his class. has to be asked more than once to “please keep it down in the middle of class” by wtv prof he’s in class with.

and he ofc makes u do all the work bc he can’t be bothered—and on the rare occasion that he is bothered, he just does a poor job that’s the bare minimum and sloppy enough that ur like wtv i’ll just do it myself. and then ofc sometimes u don’t have a choice but to meet up to finish something after class every now and then—he wouldn’t care to, but he actually needs to know the stuff for the final report he has to write individually, so he begrudgingly meets up with you, and sometimes you notice his friends give you an amused look when he walks up with them. they snicker before they leave as he sits with you. sometimes they make a snide comment here and there like “have fun with ur super hot date” that makes him roll his eyes—he doesn’t do much to hide the look of distaste on his face.

but then—and he doesn’t even know when it happens—you start to slowly grow on him. because ur actually pretty snarky urself, sometimes making a dry comment here and there about the professor and his stupid bald headed self. sometimes a girl in the distance laughs too hard a group of guys that u roll ur eyes and mumble how “if i had a voice like that i’d never laugh in public” and it makes him snort a bit without meaning to. sometimes you stare daggers at the person who has their music so loud thru their headphones they can’t help but notice u and turn it down in embarrassment. ur actually not as much of a pushover as he thought—you just genuinely think he’s too incapable to help u out that you’ve just shrugged him off and started doing his part. it’s an easy weekly lab class anyway, you don’t need him—and then he realizes that u rly just don’t care for him. his little snickers at u with his friends and their snide comments roll off ur back bc well…he’s him—an asshole little frat boy and u didn’t expect anything better from him. so it makes him a little intrigued—maybe a little wounded in his pride, deep down, because no one has ever been indifferent to him before. they’re either madly in love, or they hate his guts, or they follow his lead. either works—he still gets the attention he craves.

but u just don’t rly care. and ur actually pretty cool, and kinda sorta funny in a way no one else is. he likes it…and fuck, now he’s starting to like you. he can tell bc when his friends ask how his little date with you went, he starts getting a bit huffy ab it bc they don’t need to talk about you. they don’t even know you…but also….its not a date. and that’s the worst part. sometimes it feels like a date. almost—sometimes you both decide to take a break in between and go get a coffee or a light snack. sometimes he’s even paid (to which you look mildly shocked before politely thanking him) and you both walk back to the library while u make light banter and it’s…well, fun. and nice. and your laugh is pretty. and your smile is kinda cute and he (though he hates to admit it) rly likes it when u laugh because of him.

and then things start to get messy—really, he didn’t mean for it to start this way. he really was meaning to ask you in a genuine manner to see u again once the semester was finished. because he’s actually started pulling his weight—he wants u to see him for someone who’s smart. satoru is actually rly rly smart and no one knows it because he doesn’t rly show it but he is. he wants u to see that side of him—somehow there’s some sick validation he rly needs from you knowing he’s not a dense frat guy who drinks and fucks until 3 am every night. so he starts doing his parts and actually communicates with u about sections. so starts ur texting routine—sometimes a little longer than u rly need to for just doing a lab together. sometimes it’s “did u hear ab that girl in our class getting dumped in front of the kfc ??” and sometimes it’s “god our prof rly needs to get some pussy” and other times it’s “look what the guy who sits behind us just posted on his story” and it leads to a few long convos that admittedly…are rly fun. ur so fun. he likes it. he rly does like u and he thinks maybe….maybe he’s grown on u too and you know what ?? satoru’s always a jerk but ur nice and who’s to say he can’t be nice too ?? just for one person. for u, he can be a nice guy—u carried lab all on ur own long enough that u deserve it anyway.

until he gets swayed in that way only a coward can. in that way you do when ur used to being “the man” around ur friends and ur too pressured to keep up that energy for appearances sake bc u don’t wanna be the laughing stock who softened up for “some nerdy chick who’s a nobody.” so he laughs when they laugh at the fact that ur probably “still a virgin who’s never touched a guy before” and then they’re patting gojo on the back and shoving at his shoulder as they laugh harder and suggest that “y’know what would be so funny man ?? if u took her virginity. you could probably do it.”

the thought is sickening because…satoru wouldn’t want to fuck you like that. god, you have him caring about when and how he fucks you—in fact, just thinking about you lewdly makes him feel guilty. disrespectful, even. you’re more than a fleshlight for his dick. since when did he become so respectful ?? but he doesn’t know how to say no, especially when everyone starts agreeing one after the other—and oh no, now they’re betting on how quickly he can do it….and oh, now it’s not just fucking. now it’s “how long until you think she’s head over heels for you? man, that would be a sight, huh ??”

and….well, satoru decides it couldn’t hurt, right ?? he does want to be romantically involved so that would include you being head over heels. hopefully. fingers crossed. and he doesn’t rly want to seem lame in front of the guys either, so he gets to keep both sides of the coin, so is it really that bad ?? maybe not the right idea but certainly the right execution. he’ll treat you well—that much he’s confident of. so he forces out a laugh and says “gimme a month or two, you’ll see.”

and a month or two they give him. and a month or two it takes—but not for you to be head over heels. it’s him who’s utterly and completely obsessed and fallen head first and whatever else they say to describe love because wow. this must be what it is. this must be that stupid fairytale shit they always talk about because fuck, no one has ever looked at him like that. like he’s some miracle to this earth and some wonder only you know of—like you hope it stays that way and that he’s yours and yours alone and no one else comes in to take him away. satoru really likes being yours, it kinda feels better than you being his. being yours means you hold him like that at night and wake him up to a kiss between his brows and sometimes, when he gets those migraines he’s prone to getting, you always seem to know. always seem to understand when to close the blinds and keep quiet and wrap him up in the covers as you rub your thumbs over his temples soothingly.

he almost forgets about that silly little bet he made two months ago when he’s around you. actually, he forgets everything when he’s around you. he’s only ever thinking about you, you, you. when he comes back to his frat house, on the other hand, they’re all gathered around waiting for the newest details. how you must’ve been so pathetically star struck by him. how you must be embarrassingly bad at kissing. how you must stutter over every other word around him. how you must be making a complete and utter fool of urself trying to impress him and be someone you’re not bc the real you would never pique his interest.

they’re wrong ofc. if anyone’s star struck, it’s satoru bc how the hell are u so…cool ?? and so funny and witty and carefree ?? and you’re good at kissing—have him chasing your lips with a whine every time. sometimes you even chuckle at him when he does and make him blush a bit. he’s the one who stutters over his words when he sees you in your little date night outfits. sometimes he watches you drink from your straw and his brain short circuits a little until you snap at him and ask him in confusion if he’s alright. but the real kicker ?? it’s that if anyone’s pretending, it’s satoru. you’re always just you—unapologetically so, that it’s endearing and beautiful and so unearthly he wonders how he got so lucky. but him ?? he’s always acting like some guy he’s not. some chivalrous guy who opens doors and pushes out seats and kisses the back of hands and waits at least a few dates before even considering fucking. some nice, sweet, genuine guy who’s deserving.

he’s not that—never was. if you knew the real him, you’d leave in a heartbeat. it’s a scary thought. a raw feeling he doesn’t like. makes him feel all self conscious and insecure and all that weird shit he never thought he’d feel.

he tries. so hard, he tries to make them forget about that silly little bet and just slowly drop it and maybe even forget ur dating so he can just stay living this peaceful little fantasy with you—but that’s stupid. that’s naive. it’s been 4 months and enough is enough—the guys need to see the look on ur face when u realize what a fool ur being and satoru is “being a lazy ass who’s too comfortable not having for work for pussy these days.” so then there’s a video going around. it’s everyone gathered around on the couch drunk and talking about you. and satoru. you both, in fact. how it’s been two months and u seem desperate for his attention with the shrill little voice you use to call him toru, baby! it’s so, so fucking embarrassing, they say. how you think he likes it. (he does. god he does so much, it hurts. he loves it, actually, when you call him that. makes him feel special in a way he never has.) but then, the worst, most disgustingly nauseous part of the whole thing is when satoru laughs along and plays into their awful words. just lets them talk about you like you’re some piece of meat. something for him to chew up and spit out after he has a taste or you. not even worth savoring and enjoying. he laughs along and agrees—you’re nothing special and he can’t wait until he’s free of you.

that part hurts. that part sucks the most—when he acts like he didn’t tremble under your touch every time you kissed him. like he didn’t beg you to stay just five more minutes! before walking out the door to go home. he acts one way in front of you and one way in front of them and what’s worse ?? you don’t know which one is real. couldn’t tell even if your life was on the line to decide. because there’s no way he’s that good at pretending to be desperately in love, no fucking way. but there’s also no way he can be in love if he’s talking about you like that. that’s not what love is—that’s not what love feels like. that’s not what it means to someone.

you don’t know which satoru is the real one, but you know that neither is worth your time. not if he can’t stick to it.

it’s terrible thing—the way you break up. it’s messy and teary and he’s begging, he’s actually begging. he never thought he’d do that. but he doesn’t even hesitate to plead for you to hear him out. baby, please let me explain. wait, please don’t walk away—please just listen! i can explain.

he can’t explain, though when you as him to. stands there with a bitten bottom lip and teary eyes that are pleading you to just stay with him. to overlook this and just … ignore it like it’s nothing. like what he did and said was just nothing and you can shrug it off like you’re nothing too. like your feelings are nothing and so is your worth and that’s why you should just ignore the way he absolutely destroyed your pride and reputation and dignity and worse….every ounce of your love.

such deep, raw, pure love—it’s almost enough to heal every dry crack and crevice of this earth and bring it back to life.

you look at him with teary eyes and something so broken, it makes him feel like dirt beneath your feet.

“it’s embarrassing, satoru,” you hiss that night through tears, “you’re in your twenties getting a degree and you’re still just a high school bully. life’s really gonna kick you in the ass some day.”

life’s already kicking him in the ass as soon as you walk out. the air is colder. the world is dimmer. food doesn’t taste as good and fuck—there is just so much loneliness when you have no one to be yourself with. when there’s no you.

but he supposes you’re right though—he is just a bully. it’s pathetic, really. and maybe it’s for the best. maybe you don’t deserve someone who’s only ever known how to feel good because someone else doesn’t.

[come-see-our-show]

I saw an early screening of the Mean Girls movie last night, so here is a summary of my thoughts, comparing the movie musical to the Broadway musical, which I was lucky enough to see live in 2018!

Changed that I liked:

The usage of social media in the Broadway show made it very clear that it was written by adults who didn’t know much about Gen-Z. It was probably one of the worst parts of the show in my opinion. But Tina Fey must have done her research since 2018, because the way the movie uses TikTok, memes, vlogging, and FaceTime to push the story forward worked VERY well. I think there were some influencer cameos, but it didn’t feel they were included to show how “young and hip” they were, It actually added authenticity.

The diversity within the cast and changing last names to reflect the characters’ backgrounds (Karen Smith ➡️ Karen Shetty, Janis Sarkisian ➡️ Janis 'Imi'ike)

Cutting down “Meet the Plastics.” It’s a very exposition-heavy song and doesn’t need to be super long, even though the full version is quite catchy and fun.

All of the new jokes landed so well, probably because Tina Fey’s writing style is better suited for the screen as opposed to the stage.

This is more of a comparison of the musical vs. the original film, but a big change was The Plastics’ weaponized wokeness (which I talk about here).

The production design for most of the songs was very different. The stage musical has a lot of rock songs, which were changed to a pop sound for the movie. I personally prefer rock musicals, but it was a good way to give the movie a separate identity from its predecessor so it doesn’t risk becoming a carbon copy. It worked on some songs (“Someone Gets Hurt” and “World Burn”) but not on others (“A Cautionary Tale” and “Revenge Party”).

Cutting the joke about Regina’s ass being big. It was a very low-brow joke, which I’m not a fan of, and was just really immature. Thank God that was changed to her falling, which still shows her being embarrassed without her body being the joke.

Explicitly making Janis a lesbian! (It’s only implied in the stage show with “It’s not even true… I only have one butt”) And she goes to prom with a girl while Damien dances with a boy! ALSO THERE’S REJANIS LORE AND IT’S SO HEARTBREAKING I LOVE IT

megan thee stallion just… being there

Miss Norbury and Principal Duvall being a couple and owning a dog together!!!

As a low mezzo, I appreciated whoever decided to lower the key for “I’d Rather Be Me.” I felt very represented 🩷

Having Cady be raised in a single-parent household so it focuses in more on her relationship with her mom. Jenna Fischer was so motherly and sincere and brought a warmth to the movie. Their scene together near the end made me emotional (you’re never too old to ask your parent to stay with you until you fall asleep) (also this is my request to make jenna fischer my mom)

Changes that I didn’t like:

Cutting BOTH of Damian’s solos??? (SHE’S LEAVING!!!!!!!! JUST LIKE MY DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Cutting “More Is Better.” It wasn’t necessarily a memorable song, but it did give both Cady and Aaron more depth, both as separate characters and within their relationship.

While cutting some of the songs helped with pacing, cutting HALF of the score made me forget that it was a musical sometimes, which sucks because I really like musicals!!!

Other stuff:

The movie was marketed horribly. One of my friends didn’t even know it was gonna be a musical because there were no songs in the trailers 💀 (Also, this isn’t just a Mean Girls problem. The Color Purple also didn’t have any songs in the trailer. I didn’t even know Wonka was a musical until I saw it in theaters, so that was a bit of a shock.) If you’re producing a musical movie, maybe your focus groups should be musical fans, because that’s still a HUGE market.

Auliʻi Cravalho’s voice is STUNNING! She and Jaquel Spivey had great chemistry and their friendship felt so genuine!

The opening and ending transitions from the garage were everything to me

The EDITING

Angourie Rice is a great actor and fit Cady perfectly… except for her singing. Out of the entire cast she was easily the weakest in terms of vocals and it was pretty disappointing since she’s the LEAD. I could barely hear her in the new song “What Ifs” because of how quiet and breathy she was. I think it’s a better written song compared to “Roar” though.

Jon Hamm cameo!

Ashley Park cameo!

I cannot stress enough how funny this movie was. I was probably laughing louder than everyone else in the theatre.

I lost my shit during “Meet the Plastics” when Regina unzipped her jacket and Cady was staring at her boobs. She’s just like me fr 🏳️‍🌈

I know that Regina is a horrible person but I couldn’t find it in me to dislike her in the slightest. She just served too much cunt 😩

Christopher Briney is a good actor, but I don't think he was the right choice for Aaron Samuels. I would hate to ridicule anyone for their looks, but it still plays an important part in casting. Aaron is supposed to be a somewhat naive, wholesome, hot jock (and Regina has high standards, so he better be a fucking model). Briney is definitely a cutie, but gives off “smoldering badboy with a secret sensitive side” energy, which isn’t what Aaron should be.

The fantasy sequences (Stupid With Love, Revenge Party, October 3rd). I LOVE when movie musicals USE the medium to tell stories in a way that they can’t on a stage!!!

THE CHOREO!!! Everyone freezing then shaking in “Someone Get Hurt” AHHHH that entire number was HYPNOTIZING!!!!!!!!!!! My friend told me the choreographer’s name is Kyle Hanagami, so shout out to him. (also reneé rapp was so fucking hot while singing that oh my lord)

I will be calling my pimples “face breasts” from now on (avantika ilysm)

DAMIAN’S FRENCH COVER OF THE ICARLY THEME SONG 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

why was there a 0.5 camera shot of cady during revenge party 💀

“I’d Rather Be Me” was so much fun and I felt so fucking empowered. And the transition from the song to the bus was just *chef’s kiss*

“donut worry i am still your freend” 🥺

Lindsay Lohan cameo!!!!!!!!!

NOT ENOUGH RENEÉ RAPP 😭😭

Overall, the movie was not perfect, but the Broadway show already had plenty of flaws, so it’s understandably how that would affect the adaptation. I still a LOT of fun and would definitely see it again. Go stream Snow Angel by Reneé Rapp. i love women 🥰🥰🥰

[sakasamurai707]

Oh boy I can’t sleep so here’s some Cyberpunk Relationship Headcanons!

Kerry x Male!V

-Kerry genuinely sung the ‘I love you, bitch. I’ll never stop loving you, bitch’ song to V on their three month anniversary, complete with the guitar. V had no idea what to say, and didn’t understand the reference.

-Kerry sleeps starfish style and with his mouth open. V has had to close his mouth because he drools in the night.

-Kerry swore he would never have an animal in his mansion before Nibbles came to be. After he met nibbles, Kerry bought him a throne style cat bed.

-Kerry doesn’t understand that not every kiss has to be with tongue. V has genuinely bitten his tongue because he just wanted a quick smooch before a gig.

Panam x Male! V

-Panam is allergic to pollen, but due to being in the badlands, she never knew until V brought her organic flowers. She sneezed for a week straight before realizing.

-V and Panam like racing, but V is terrible at driving. He once accidentally crashed her car into a pile of cacti.

-V and Saul sometimes have family dinner together, and Saul asks really personal questions about the relationship every time. (Example: ‘sooo…have you two screwed yet?’)

-when V can’t sleep, Panam takes him out to look at the stars. The first time she did, he cried, since he’d never seen them before due to the city lights.

….”if we don’t fix this chip thing, V, I’ll be looking up at those. You’ll be the prettiest star out there.”

Judy x Fem! V

-Judy loves telling V about her ocean and fish hyperfixation. Sometimes, she wishes she could afford to go to a real aquarium. V swears if she gets the money, she’ll take her on a date there.

-Judy and V have made braindances before, all to be kept in Judy’s “private folder.”

-V doesn’t understand why Judy is so emotional sometimes, but she’ll awkwardly hug her or kiss her when she starts crying.

-Judy’s favorite movie to watch with V is Ponyo. Judy knows the song by heart and sings it during the credits.

River x Fem! V

-Both River and V really want the other to quit their jobs, so sometimes they jokingly leave resignation papers on each other’s desks. V doesn’t really have a ‘boss,’ so River just leaves a sticky note that says “quit.”

-River really likes iguanas, so when V hatched hers, he cuddled with it more than her for a week straight. V had to deal with it being in between them in bed.

-Joss and V talk a lot, to the point where V will show up at his house just to completely ignore him and talk to his sister. River just ends up standing behind them awkwardly.

-River does the ‘broke boyfriend stance’ every time they’re in a store. Johnny makes fun of him for it.

-River and V are really cuddly, to the point River can’t fall asleep correctly without her beside them.

Bonus!!!! Johnny x GN! V

-Johnny has tried to convince V to kiss the mirror to see if it feels like an actual kiss. (It doesn’t.)

-V has a habit of telling Johnny ‘I love you’ out loud. They said it in front of Hanako right before the relic malfunction, and Hanako looked at them and said

“Uhm…thank…you…?”

-V eventually figures out how to get Johnny a new body and repair the chip. (In my heart I’m delusional.) Once they did, they didn’t let go of each other for weeks. They had the worst honeymoon phase.

-Johnny excessively jokes about soul killer. V does not find it amusing.

Bonus Bonus!!!! Takemura x GN! V

-Takemura cooks most of their meals after V revealed they mainly eat frozen tv dinners instead of real food. He’s Also really insistent that they drink water and shower.

-Takemura once brutally cried after seeing the full effects of the Relic Malfunctions, comparing it to when his Arasaka implants got revoked.

-Takemura didn’t know how to hug someone, so he accidentally nearly choked V.

-he also didn’t know how to kiss, so he just…opened his mouth.

-Takemura doesn’t understand sarcasm, so he takes whatever V says to its fullest meaning.

[defrosted69]

Is it alright to fall in love with you?

(New Jeans Hanni fanfic)

****Since you guys liked Hanni so much, I made another one so here you go Yohohoho****

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They say that a beautiful flower will emerge from it's beautiful stem once it fulfilled its cycle. The sun will welcome the blossom and let it shine where everyone can see the beauty of the flower. Bees and butterfly will come by to say hello to greet the flower. Everything will slow down as their eyes will land to its beautiful structure. Even the rain will pay homage to its Beauty by helping it add aesthetic to the petals that shows eternal beauty. Photographers would be at awe and would make the surroundings a photoshoot.

All glory would be given to the flower but there are those who got stuck in the middle of the process and froze on what to do next. Some wither away unable to withstand the harsh punishment of mother nature as they fall to the ground slowly getting buried and forgotten as they are not there to witness the blooming of their fellow peers who transcended to become a beautiful flower.

Just like in life, many people doesn't bloom to their full potential and they stagnate on their own state not knowing what to do to take that next step. And sadly, you ended up like them.

You have to wonder, how did life turn out like this for you. Everything was so optimistic and bright for you growing up as you have the vision and passion to reach your dreams but slowly, they began to crumble down. All that sunshine was Just your delusion thinking you can take care of it when in reality, life hit you hard like a bullet train. It didn't stop and it continued to torment your life every hour, every minute, every second and every breath you take. Everything had fallen apart from you.

That smile you once had held and showed off to was gone. Infront of your mirror was a tired and empty face that showed no enthusiasm about anything. That fire you once had that you hoped to keep burning was washed in an instant. Rekindling that fire felt so pitiful for you but nothing, nothing ever made that fire back on.

Recalling it now, you couldn't even remember the last time that you genuinely felt happy. Your days felt like a repetitive cycle that just doesn't end and it felt exhausting. But weirdly enough, you feel like keeping that cycle on repeat is your comfort area, like there was no point for you to add something in that cycle because it will just ruin everything that was schedule for you. Society and your personality made it hard for you to make friends entering college.

Gone where the days when you were making cool and enjoyable memories down town wit your bikes. There was no more time for you to mess around and have fun as the sunsets peak through the valley's. The word fun didn't exist anymore on your vocabulary and was replaced with work and money.

Your friends from high school was slowly becoming the person they dreamed off enjoying the labor of their hardship while for you? What's there to enjoy? You were working on a 7 to 8 hour work hour and sometime even have to go to overtime with less pay than what they promised. It was tiring.

So tiring.

You opened your apartment room and you were greeted by the familiar small space that you have been accustomed to. Today was the worst day for you. Job really felt like shit and your girlfriend just dumped you like it was nothing. The 4 years of loving each other, giving everything to her was all drained down the pipe for nothing. You gave all her what you can but it seems it wasn't enough.

You gave her chocolates, yet someone gave her 5 different boxes of imported sweets.

You gave her flowers, yet someone rented a whole flower shop for her on her birthday.

You skipped your days just to attend her needs, yet someone gave her what every person wanted.

You gave her a teddy bear, yet someone gifted her a whole toy store.

You spend a lot for her than yourself, yet someone offered the same but didn't even lost any penny.

You gave her your world, yet someone gifted her the universe.

You laid on your bed thinking of what you did to have this kind of life. Everything was just turning into shit day by day and nothing postive was coming out of your efforts to be better. It has come to the point that you found yourself thinking about going back to where you were truly happy.

"I just want to he happy!! What do I have to do to get my happiness back! What more can I do?!"

You thought to yourself as the alcohol has finally started to kick in your system. Your vision was turning blurry as the ceiling began dancing in perspective. The world was suddenly spinning around you yet you didn't have the energy to move up. You endure the dizziness and eventually the alcohol calmed down and so was your body.

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KNOCK

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KNOCK

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KNOCK

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"Anybody home?"

You woke up upon an unfamiliar voice. The sun was already peaking out of your room as your curtains danced slowly with the soft passing breeze that passed by. You yawned a little and stretched your arms out waking your whole body up. Your legs felt weak at the moment yet you were able to reel yourself to open the door as the sun's light blinded you for a few seconds.

"Who is it? Hmm?"

You blinked a couple times after your vision was finally back. You couldn't see anyone infront of you but your brain clarified you that there was indeed someone who called out to you-

"I'm down here Mister."

An irritated voice called out to you as you lowered your view and there you saw a highschool kid glaring at you. She looked at you as if you made the biggest crime known to mankind but you blinked a couple of times making sure you're awake.

"You're not a ghoul are you? Am I dead?"

This wasn't kindly received as the girl glared at you even more and harshly handed you a pot. You were caught off guard by her harsh action but you manage to catch the pot on your chest with your hands. The girl then began stomping her small feet away from you and mumbling the words

"Rude Ahjussi....."

You were left stunned not knowing what to do or say as you looked at the pot and there was a note attached to its cover.

"We're your new neighbors. And we made some Kinchi stew for you as our gift for you. Please treat us well"

You were honestly confused by their action because there was no way that people still do stuff like this especially in this new era of society. But if someone with a kind heart was offering you a gift then who are you to decline right?

Your day started off rather well with a free breakfast and you can even call it a hangover dish which helped you a lot since you were so DRUNK last night. You somehow ended up finishing the pot of food unconsciously because you were just taking and taking that you realized that the food was delicious. It somehow reminded you off home in sense but nonetheless, you had to return the favor for giving you such delicious food for breakfast.

You washed their pot and checked your wallet if you were still financially okay or on the brink of loaning. Luckily for you, you have enough money to pay the neighbors kindness but your mood suddenly took a dip seeing the picture of you and your girlfriend, or well, in this case, your Ex-girlfriend. You sighed and closed your wallet as you prepared yourself to buy some ingredients.

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"Yow Pham Hanni, why do you look like your pissed or something?"

"Don't start with me Minji."

Hanni snarled at her best friend who raised her hands up in surrender. Kim Minji has been best friends with Hanni since elementary and up until now. The two shared a lot of things together, spend time together and even sleep at each other's home sometimes.

"Chill, you're the one who needs to apologize to me remember? You almost broke my heart thinking your going far away."

Hanni's stoic expression suddenly cracked as she began to smile slowly and show an amused expression.

"Heh, Did I broke your poor heart Minji?"

"Of course Dummy. I was Almost about to cry my heart out the day you moved but here you are. Still in this city."

Hanni finally let her happiness get to her as she laughed whole heartedly making Minji chuckle at her. Hanni's Father was a contract engineer and sometimes, he has to move from one place to another making it for her family to stay at an original place sometimes. But this time, Her father finally was able to land a permanent spot in this city but unfortunately, they could only afford an apartment for now as their finance was still a little shambles after moving from places to places.

Though it was kinda sad for Hanni, it was more sadder for Minji because her heart would litterally crack open everytime Hanni would move away. This has been the 4th time since the Pham's move to a new home and Minji still can't take losing her best friend again.

"Haha, My bad Minji. But I promise you, this time I'm staying here."

"Promise me?"

Minji hugged her which made Hanni sigh but she found it disgusting how Minji gave her the puppy eyes. This was one of the 3 things Hanni didn't like about Minji. First is that she's quite lazy, second is that she's so soft and pure that sometimes, her kindness would lead to misunderstandings, and lastly is her puppy eyes. She just find it so disgusting and annoying.

"Yah, your an 18 year old girl yet your doing this puppy eyes? Ewww. Stop it Minji."

"Promise me? ~~~"

Minji didn't listen and just blinked more showing off her puppy eyes. At this point, Hanni wanted to puke her breakfast out but she just groaned and nodded her head. Minji smiled happily and hugged her even more tightly.

"Can't... Breath... You... Monster strength...."

"Opps, My bad hehehe~"

Minji chuckled as she let Hanni go making the small girl breath heavily.

"Why the fuck are you so strong?"

"I don't know?"

"Whatever"

"Anyway, Why did you looked annoyed earlier?"

Hanni sighed as she recalled the events from earlier. They just successfully moved last night and Hanni really wanted to skip classes today because not only she can rest, but she can finally see her childhood crush next to their house.

Yes, that's right. Hanni's childhood crush is you, your pathetic ass.

She was so excited seeing you last night enter your room but she also felt worried seeing you all wobbly and tired walking to your room. This kinda made her sad because time wasn't really that gentle with you. But then again, that was kinda true. So that night, she formulated a plan to finally see you face to face and it just so happen that her mother made the kimchi soup for you. Hearing about it, she immediately volunteered to give you the pot. Honestly, she was very nervous as every step she took towards your room made her heart race so fast.

She was afraid that she might slip up seeing you face to face but when she finally was infront of your door. She knocked 3 times and waited for you patiently. When the door opened, she finally saw you. She was a bit surprised seeing you so tall than what she last remembered but the thing that pissed her off was that, You were busy looking for her when she was standing infront of you. Hanni has a little ego when it comes to her height and this made her glare at you.

Without even thinking, she harshly gave you the pot and stared to walk away stomping her way out as her face show a bright red color. She was fuming with both embarrassment and anger not towards you but herself.

"FUXKK!! Why did I get pissed when he didn't look down on me!! Gosh, me and my temper! Arghh!"

She mumbled some words out of her frustration but she immediately covered her mouth hoping you didn't hear her and that's how her morning ended with you.

"So that's it huh? How old is he anyway?"

Minji asked Hanni as she wasn't really sure of what your age really was.

"Uhhhh, I first met her when I was 8 so it's been 10 years. He used to have a middle schooler uniform back then so maybe around 23 of 22? I'm not sure."

"Uhuh, So you like older guys huh?"

Minji smirked at her as she tried to make embarrassed but this only made Hanni giggle in delight and sway her body to the side. Minji was caught off guard by this as she didn't expect her best friend to be so deeply in love with someone older than their age.

"Woah Hanni, hide your blush girl. You're litterally telling me that you like older guys."

"I don't like older guys geez. I just like him Hehehehe~"

Hanni once again giggled like a madman in love and Minji could only chuckle. She was already aware of Hanni's first love but she didn't expect that her first love still stayed with her till now. She has to commend her best friend for her loyalty and perseverance to not let that love die.

"Is this why you rejected a lot of guys like even the popular ones like Sunoo, Sunghoon Oppa, and even Jay Oppa?"

"Yup, there nothing compared to Y/N Oppa. Heheheh~"

"Eh? What if he has a girlfriend?"

Hanni's smile dropped after realizing what her best friend said. She completely forgot about that possibility. 10 years of waiting and something like that wasn't out of the picture at all. Hanni sighed and pouted her lips indicating that she was now sad.

"Well if so, then I'll just be fine being friends with him then. I'm okay with just that."

Minji felt sad for her. She finally realized how much Hanni likes you to the point that she would throw away her happiness for yours. This somehow made her feel pity for her friend as a idea popped into her head.

"Hey, Listen to me Hanni."

"Hmm?"

"From here on out, I'll support you with your love journey with him."

Hanni smiled softly at her. It was nice for her to hear that Minji would support her whatever her decision maybe.

"Thank Minji. That means a lot."

"Heheh of course. That's what are best friends are for. Just don't turn into a Yandere though...."

"You bitch. We both know someone fits that category than us."

Minji chuckled and nodded her head.

"True, true. Well anyway, lunch is ending soon. Shall we walk Honey~"

"Shut up Minji. And yes, let's go back to class."

.

.

.

School finally ended and Hanni was glad that the teachers didn't give them any homework to do cause she was tired asf. She didn't want to study anymore and her first aim to do was to go to her room and sleep. The sun was setting already when she arrived at their apartment building and the memories of earlier made her cringe. She had hoped that the events earlier was nothing but a nightmare.

"Stupid Hanni, what were you even thinking doing that."

She sighed as she opened the door to her house.

"I'm home~"

Hanni said as she removed her shoes and placed them on the shoerack near their door. She heard laughter coming from the kitchen as this made her curious.

"Did Mom brought over her friends?"

It wasn't unusual for her Mother to bring over some of her friends at their place as Hanni has grown accustomed to it. Sometimes she would think of it as a norm especially when her mother introduces her to some of her Mother friends son who's the same age as her. Honestly speaking, she didn't care about any of the guys that was being introduced to her as she was set on you and nobody else.

She got closer and there her breath hitched. Her hearth began to beat faster and her whole body froze. She gripped the hem of her skirt as a warm and hot temperature arose through her cheeks. You stood there smiling and laughing along with her mother as you converse about her.

You wanted to repay the delicious favor they did for you earlier so you went out and brought out ingredients needed for the dishes you prepared. It wasn't grande kind of dishes as you didn't have much on you but like the saying goes "Kindness isn't paid but rather showed".

A simple tteokboki dish that goes with some kimbap that your mother used to make for you when you were in Highschool. Her ways of making the food still lingered on your memory and it has become a comfort food for you whenever you feel down. It's just your laziness kicking in everytime you thought making the dish. But this time, that laziness was gone as you tried your best to make the best Gimbap there is inorder to repay the kindness they gave you.

You were quiet anxious in all honestly because this was your first time entering a place which isn't your home or your work place. But that was immediately washed away when the woman happily helped you carry the food as you thanked her for the dish earlier. The woman just shrugged it off as she introduced herself as Mrs. Pham. She wasn't korean but she was very fluent in speaking the language. You also began to help her out in the kitchen as she told you stories about her daughter.

Just by hearing the stories that she was saying, it sounded like her daughter was very smart and outgoing person. Then a sudden realization hit you in the face. The girl from earlier must have been her daughter but remembering what happened earlier, you began to question yourself why she was mad at you in the first place.

"Ah, Hanni sweety, you're home. Meet Mr. Y/N Lee. He's the neighbor you gave the soup to earlier."

You looked behind you and you saw the girl from earlier but this time, instead of glaring at you, she seems to be in a state of shock and suprise. Both of you locked at each other's eyes as Hanni's thoughts were in shambles.

"Oh my gosh oh my goshohmygoshohmygosh!"

She didn't know what to do as You gave her a small smile and a simple wave as you felt embarrassed after the incident from earlier. You were in dire need to apologize to her because of some misunderstandings. Her parents seems really cool to be with and they also seem to be very wise as well.

"Hanni, Prepare the plates already and stop standing here."

Her mother's voice snapped her back to reality as she looked down embarrassed walking past you in a hurry. You were slightly suprised by her speed but you just thought that she must still have hated for earlier. You just let it bypass your thought and decides to leave the household because you already did what you originally want to do. But then, her father saw you slowly walking away and said

"Where you going young man?"

Even though you weren't looking at them, you felt pairs of eyes staring at your back with intensity which somehow made you nervous. You gulped silently and turned your back smiling at them awkwardly.

"Oh I uhh.. I'm going home now Sir. I just want to give back the food from earlier. Thank you by the way-"

"Hiyaaah, come and eat with us. Come on."

Mrs. Pham said as she brightly smiled at you. Her hand signalled you to come and eat with them but you just bowed and shook your head. The atmosphere around the household was something that you missed dearly on your own. The sense of family that you longed ago forgotten was slowly coming back at you because of them. It was quite joyful but at the same time sad for you.

"Come and eat with us Oppa, you deserve a little break"

Hearing the words of Hanni made you stiffen as you looked at her. The glare she gave you earlier was now gone and was replaced with a soft expression that you couldn't believe she was able to do. For some odd reason, her expression and words struck a chord in your heart as you held your emotion in tact. You didn't want to embarras yourself against them after all because you know they were good people.

"If Hanni says it’s okay then you should stay Y/N."

Her father said finally making you concede to their decision for you to stay. You walked back towards the kitchen and offered a seat for Hanni, you were after all a guest and it's the owners rights to sit first and you be the last. But for Hanni, her heart was ready to explode by your gesture. Sure, some may say that it's just an etiquette to show but for Hanni, this was something she will forever embed in her memory.

"Take a seat Hanni"

"T-Thank you O-Oppa..."

"No problem."

Dinner proceeded like normal as if you were part of their Family. It was weird because that old feeling of belonging came crashing down on you and you felt your emotion slowly cracking open. You held to your chopstick tightly and gripped it tight holding yourself in. But Mrs. Pham noticed this as she felt pity towards you. What she was seeing in you was not an adult man but rather, a tired and worn out soldier who's been keeping himself strong for a long time now.

"Y/N-ssi.."

"Y-Yes?"

"It's okay. It's okay."

Her warm and comforting words was the final nail to your coffin as you bit your lips as they quivered slowly. Tears began to slowly fall out of your eyes and Hanni felt so devastated seeing you crying.

"Oppa..."

"N-No, It's okay.. I-I'm fine... I'm fine really.."

Your words didn't match your action as tears was falling from your eyes as you try your best to hide them but to no vail. Everything about the household just broke you because seeing how they were all connected made you remember the past you used to have. The happiest moment you used to have before was gone and it was painful because you didn't ask anyone to remove that happiness from you. It was taken from you and seeing the Pham family act like how you used to, made you miss the old times. You covered your eyes preventing you to lose more tears but then suddenly, Mr. Pham stood up and patted your back.

"It's all right Kiddo, let it all out."

Their kindness towards you, a complete stranger was really getting you to break down your walls that you built so much. The protection towards not showing weakness was taken down immediately. Ironically, kindness was the reason it was taken down.

Hanni clenched her fist in sadness and worry because she didn't expect you to cry your heart out. The silent sniffles was all she needed to know that you went through a lot of hardship, alone.

"Oppa...I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

Hanni blames herself for being not there whenever you needed help. This was preety obvious that you were fighting your own problems alone and as great as it sounds, it wasn't a healthy way of dealing a problem. This only gave Hanni more reason to be by your side. At this point, she wasn't even thinking to be your wife, just a friend is enough for her as for the moment.

You have expected that Dinner would be awkward after your embarrassing breakdown but no, it didn't. It become more livelier than earlier as her parents told you amazing stories about their life, their struggles, and many more. Her father has told you many inspiring words that you surely will live out. You were slowly admiring Hanni's father because of her wisdom and his wife for her comforting words. You felt like you were home again with them and that brought a small smile upon your face. You offered your services to wash the dishes but Mrs. Pham decline the offer and told you to rest up. You tried to push for your agenda but in the end, Mrs. Pham won.

You thanked them and apologized for the nuisance you cause but they just brushed it off and even told you that you were welcome in their home anytime. You weren't gonna lie, you actually had a great time there and it was one of the few positive moments you have so far since being an adult. Hanni was the one who had to walk you towards your room even though it was less than a minute walk but you didn't complain.

"Listen Hanni. About earlier, I'm sorr-"

"I should be the one apologizing Oppa. I was too insensitive towards you. Please forgive me"

Hanni bowed to you with her entire back bend forward as you were surprised by her action. You actually didn't mind her actions earlier because you felt like you were the one who caused it anyway.

"N-No, it's okay Hanni. I should be the one apologizing to you because I was the one who's insensitive towards you. I didn't know you were small.."

Hanni bit her lip controlling her rage because she hates it being called small.

"But you're cute. I-I mean you being small adds to your cute factor. Gosh what am I saying to a teenager? I'm so out of touch from reality."

You groaned and gave yourself a self palm to the head as the words that came out of your mouth was something inappropriate especially since Hanni was still a teenager and your a grown ass man. Saying stuff like that in the open would immediately send you to jail and your life will forever be fucked. But Hanni was the opposite, she loved every word that you said and her face right now was Red as a tomato. She took in deep breaths in order to calm herself down before fixing her posture and looking at you.

"Well I don't mind you calling me Cute Oppa cause that's true anyway."

That sentence made you chuckle at her and shook your head.

"Yah, you shouldn't be too proud of yourself. That can bite you in the ass."

"Hmph. Nope."

Hanni smiled brightly as you just chuckled at her. Even though you two were now talking comfortably, you still somehow feel bad for her with the incident earlier.

"Listen Hanni, is there anything you want? I kinda still feel bad for earlier. Let me make up for it."

"Please be my boyfriend...”

She wanted to say those words out loud but she still has a lot of things to do and this was a great baby steps for her in order to achieve that goal.

"Hmmm well, there's a movie I really want to watch so.... Maybe we can go watch it together in the weekends Oppa?"

This was her shot, well probably her best shot of her life and she just laid it out. In her defense, this was the best opportunity to have and she might not even get another chance like this again.

"Weekends huh? Sure, I can make time in Saturday."

Hanni wanted to die from happiness. One of her dreams on going on a date with you was finally happening as she she flashed you the best smile she ever has. You on the other hand found it adorable how Hanni smiled sweetly at you.

"Alright, here's my number Oppa. Contact me when your free. Hehehe~"

"Ah right, here's mine too."

Hanni gave you her number which you saved in your contacts as Hanni did the same.

"Well, see you around Oppa. Goodnight and also, Thanks for the food, they were delicious."

Hanni gave you a thumbs up as you just chuckled and shrugged your shoulders. The moonlight was quite bright tonight as the full moon showed itself in the black sky. You waved her goodbye as she walked away smiling and happily waving at you. You entered your room and you immediately noticed the atmosphere between Hanni's house and yours.

"They are such a sweet family. I wished my family stayed together like them..."

You could only sigh at that false wish as you did your nightly routine and headed to bed.

Hanni meanwhile was smiling ear to ear and dancing in her room listening to New Jeans as her day was complete. She finally got her ultimate crush number, converse with him, and finally set a date between the two of you. Hanni's luck was truly kind towards her today and she couldn't be more thankful towards the man above.

"Thank you God for today. Please, please let me be his Woman. If not then at least let me be his shoulder to cry on."

Although everything was going great for her, she still couldn't help but feel sad for you after all.

"Y/N went through a lot in the span of 10 years huh. He really deserves a happy life ahead of him. Hmm... What should I do to make that possible..."

Through out the night, Hanni thought off many possible ways to make your smile appear once again, and this time, a smile that wasn't sad or broken but rather, a smile that showed true happiness.

.

.

.

.

The days for Hanni was slow and she hated how time was moving so slow as if it was preventing her to get what she wanted. She has been restless lately thinking on what she would wear, how she would act, and how she should attract you. But even though she was quiet anxious and annoyed of the slow days, she was quiet glad of taking your number because the two of you have been in touch lately.

You find it very surprising that talking with Hanni on the phone was actually quite enjoyable and fun to be. You enjoyed listening to her afternoon rant and late night conspiracies because you found it amusing that someone like her is already running wild in imagination. It was something you lost before and it's probably the reason why your life has been dull. The lack of imagination and inspiration to create such imagination was long gone. There was no way for you to recreate those crazy and creative imagination of yours but hearing Hanni's crazy imagination, well you couldn't help but smile at that.

Hanni was what you were before, an energetic, creative, and adrenaline pump person. People like that are very rare to find nowadays and growing up, you lost your old self in order to adapt to society and act like the adult because you are now THE adult. Finding time to be foolish was already off your calendar as there was no time for that, everything needs to be serious in order to accomplish something.

Even though Hanni didn't like hearing advices, There was an exception towards you. Hanni would sometimes spill some days where she hated it and you would come up and tell her some advices and things she would work out on. Of course, she didn't like it at first but realizing that you went through tough times, this was the best way for her to at least Change some of her bad habits that she has grown out off. Although it was good for you that you were advising Hanni, she didn't like it completely because she felt like she was being treated like a kid by you.

She wishes that this kind of advices wouldn't just let you see her as a kid but she hoped that it would get past that. This is one of her fears especially when it comes to liking you now. You were the adult between each other so it was only natural for you to act like one but can you look past Hanni as a kid? That question was one thing that made Hanni anxious of what she will do next.

Nonetheless her questions would be answered on their Movie date.

Hanni woke up earlier than usual as her heart was pumping so fast. This was the day she finally can get on a date with you which she could only dream off. She had already prepared the clothes she was gonna wear for this day last night as she made sure that her outfit would literally captivate you. She had asked Minji about her opinion on what she would wear and the chaotic pair would end up emptying the closet of Hanni leaving her room a total mess. As if a tornado was able to enter her room, Minji was able to find the best outfit for her despite the carnage around her room.

Minji might be the best stylist Hanni has ever met in her life because Minji is that type of girl who can lead a new trend. The powers she holds if she was casted on a photoshoot, Hanni would bet that Minji would change the game in the fashion industry.

Hanni took a double shower and made sure the shampoo she was using would create a beautiful scent if passed by. She usually stay at the shower room for half an hour but today, she made sure nothing would be flaw in her body as she took longer than usual. Her father could raise his eyebrows because he would be in for a suprise seeing the water bill slightly increase.

You on the other hand was eating your ramen as you forgot to buy ingredients once again because of the tiring workload you did this week. As if last week wasn't hellish enough, this week was doubled than the last. Everyone was working overtime because they couldn't afford leaving their work in overdue. Everyone wanted a break so they all decided to do overtime which in turn causes them to lack sleep and proper rest. You were part of the suffering as you didn't even had a proper meal the entire week.

Instant food was your go to lunch, dinner and breakfast which wasn't very healthy to begin with. Even though the days were tiring, seeing the messages of Hanni every night was enough to leave a small smile on his face. Hanni was slowly becoming your happy pill because her energy is just so contagious that you couldn't help but feel a smile forming on your face every time you would see her in the apartment hallways or in her messages.

Today was the day to somehow thank her for being a reason that brings a smile on your face. You took a quick shower and checked some clothes for you in your closet. You wanted to slap yourself from embarrassment as all of your clothes were all too formal and a quick realization hit you.

"I guess I didn't even have time to buy clothes for myself huh.."

You sighed as you decided to wear your white polo and your usual formal pants. You decided to remove the suit jacket in order to look less formal because today was your off day. You hoped that Hanni wouldn't mind your attire at all considering you look like your usual uniform. Nonetheless, you got out of your apartment earlier than the supposed meet up because you didn't want to show up late.

You messaged Hanni saying your outside her apartment when a few seconds later, Hanni came out looking very preety. Your eyes landed front upon her beauty as you were star struck by her visuals. This was your first time seeing Hanni without her uniform and you immediately saw the difference between her Uniform attire and casual clothes. She wore a simple white shirt and light brown jacket that goes along well with her brown baggy pants.

You chuckled seeing how adorable she looked with her pants while Hanni blushed and pouted seeing and hearing you chuckle.

"Yah, What's so funny Oppa?"

"Ah no it's nothing."

"Nothing? You liar. You're laughing at my outfit huh?"

"No, no of course not. You actually look adorable with your attire."

Well that was enough to make Hanni flustered. She froze in place for a couple of seconds as the words that came out of your mouth replayed over and over her thoughts.

"So, what movie do you wanna watch Hanni?"

"H-Huh? Oh umm.. Let's just go to the cinema and see if it's still there."

"Sure. Let's go."

The two of you walked away from the apartment building as Hanni began to converse about you about her school life. It took you by suprise when you heard her say that she's actually quite smart. You decided to tease her making her whine at you and pout cutely which you didn't mind at all. But unknown to you, Hanni actually loved it and was blushing slowly. Through out the walk, Hanni couldn't help but glance at you whenever she has the chance too. Your simple formal attire just makes her heart weak and makes her heart flutter.

Upon arriving at the Cinema, you were suprised by how many people were there and your attention immediately landed on Hanni. Your instinct kicked in as you held her hand which made Hanni blush furiously. The way your hand made contact with hers made her loose her common sense as she stares at her hand holding yours.

"Hold on me tight Hanni, you might get lost."

Hanni didn't hear you as you pushed through the wave of people gently shielding Hanni from the tight crowd. It was quite a Challange but you managed to arrive at the ticket booth with no problem as Hanni was still ecstatic with her hand holding yours.

"What Movie are we watching Hanni?"

"I luv yu..."

"Hmm? I don't think there's a movie called like that though."

You looked over at the category of the words that Hanni said but for the girl, she was blushing madly because of embarrassment. Her mind just suddenly process her initial thought and it came out of her mouth. She was glad that you were slow to realize it or even better, you didn't realize it at all. Which in turn, saddened Hanni partially but she brushed that thought off anf held your hand even tighter as she pointed at the movie she wanted.

"I want to watch that Oppa."

"Hmm? John Wick?"

"Yup."

"It's rated SPG and I don't think your height is.."

"Do you wanna die Oppa?"

Hanni looked at you with a deadpan expression which you couldn't help but laugh a little and press her cheeks. Both of you widen your eyes after the action that you just did. Hanni blushed as she eyed you while you slowly pulled away your hand from her cheeks.

"Why... Why is my heart racing? God no.."

A slight blush appeared on your face as you eyed Hanni who was staring at you with a shock yet calm expression. You didn't even think of doing the act as you just instinctively touched her cheeks like it was the most natural thing to do. You gulped hard and looked away.

"Sorry Hanni..."

You were now completely ashamed of yourself. Once again, you fucked up a great friendship because of your usual self. For sure right now that Hanni hated you-

"I... Kinda like it Oppa.."

You quickly look back and saw Hanni smiling at you with the most brightest smile you have ever seen in your life. Hearing the assurance out of her voice and that sweet smile somewhat calmed your nerves down. Something about this girl was making you intrigue of your own self.

You bought two tickets for the movie and when you thought Hanni wouldn't supriseyou anymore, she surprised you again when she was so emerced on the movie even cursing out the bad guys. You couldn't help but laugh at her. This kind of behavior was once you had but had dissappeared so seeing Hanni act like you used to was a sight to see. But the thing that suprised you the most is that, this kind of behavior was what you hate the most especially when watching movies but for some odd reason. Seeing Hanni act like that somehow made you appriciate people like that.

"The movie was great! Isn't it Oppa? John wick is really badass! He went Woosh and then he picked up his gun and went Bang Bang to those losers."

Hanni was hyped up after seeing the movie as she mimicked the character on the movie and even did some impressions of him. You simply smiled at her cute antics as the two of you were walking at the mall hoping to find a restaurant to eat and luckily for you, your favorite restaurant was opened as you and Hanni took a seat and ordered your food.

"Say Oppa, what kind work do you do? A teacher?"

You chuckled and shook your head. Hanni had been so far the only person that has put a smile on your face. Your life has been boring yet in just a span of a week, Hanni has turned that frown into a smile that can't seem to be erased. Her presence alone made you smile unconsciously.

"No, I work at an office Hanni. You know the typical guy who works on his computer all day. Boring isn't?"

"Nope, that's sounds fun actually. Did you try folding a paper and making it into a paper plane? It's fun seeing them fly in the office. Or better yet, did you shoot a crumple paper on the trash bin and shot it saying Kobeee like that?"

Her eyes was sparkling upon saying her ideas and you couldn't even talk. It sounded like basic ideas yet when Hanni says it, it sounded like it was legit fun.

"Well, I didn't do any of that..."

"Well now you can try.. Hold on, I think I have an idea."

Hanni grabbed the tissues on the table and began to fold them in a particular manner as you sighed and saw the paper plane or tissue plane if you would call it.

"Alright Oppa, See the trash bin there?"

"Yeah."

"If I shoot this and it landed on that thing. You need to double my order. Deal?"

"What? Why would I-"

"Hmm? Is Y/N-Oppa scared? Hmm??"

Hanni taunted you giving you a smug look which you just playfully scoffed and shook your head.

"Go ahead. Try it."

"Heh, Don't underestimate me. For my name is Pham Hanni, Watch."

Hanni closed her left eye as she focus her sight on the trash bin. Her face looked so focused and her hands felt relaxed. She was confident on herself and it was preety obvious for you that Hanni was a skilled person. You gulped silently as your wallet couldn't afford another order of the foods here. With a deep breath, her hand moved forwards as the tissue plane went floating in the air twirling in some degree. The plane was getting closer to the target and this made you nervous. Sweat began to form on your forehead as your heart began to beat louder.

But at the last minute, the plane instead entered the Restaurant kitchen making Hanni bit her lips in embarrassment and you slowly looking at her. When Hanni met your eyes, both erupted in laughter making everyone in the rest a look at you weirdly. You apologized for the sudden outburst but Hanni didn't, she didn't care about there stares unless it was a woman staring at you lovingly then it's a different story.

"See? It's fun isn't it Oppa?"

"Yeah, I guess your right."

Hanni, a highschooler was able to make a simple thing fun without doing anything extra at all. Her creative imagination gave life to such simple thing and you were already captivated by it.

Lunch was fun once again with the help of Hanni and this was one of the few times where you enjoyed lunch with a companion. You were used to having lunch alone at the company building that it has grown accustomed to you that eating alone was normal but Hanni, showed you that having someone to eat with is more fun. The sun was already setting and Hanni decided to head into the park to relax her feet.

"Ahh, Did you know Oppa that this place is my comfort zone?"

"Well I just know now."

"Whenever I feel down or really tired, I go here and unwind my mind because it just relaxes me."

"I see..."

A place where you can fully unwind and remove all the thoughts away and just relax. That was one place you hoped to find soon but as of the moment there was no place close to something like that.

"Do you have a comfort zone Oppa?"

You shook your head at her question but at the same time this question struck you. You have never thought this question before because your comfort zone has always been your home but that disappeared. Home wasn't longer a comfort zone but rather a toxic environment now. It was suffocating you whenever you thought of how much it changed for the worst.

"Honesty speaking Hanni, my comfort zone before turned to a toxic one."

"Oh, I'm sorry..."

Hanni felt ashamed for saying such question as she scolded herself but you could only shook your head.

"It's alright. The reason I teared up on your home was because I was reminded of how my life before was before all shit went down.."

You sighed as Hanni saw the distress on your face. Today has been a blast lately and seeing how you looked sadden by the past made her feel sad a little too. Today isn't just for her to have fun as well, this was also your day to relax so she immediately came up with an Idea. A simple yet effective way to get that heavy feeling off your chest. She was hesitant to grab your hand again but she slapped herself on her thoughts because you needed her right now.

"Man up... Err I mean Go grab her hand Hanni! This is your chance!"

She told herself as she took a deep breath and gently grabbed your hand surprising you in the process. There was a visble blush on her face as she drags you to a nearby bench. You just let her be as you noticed how small her hands are compared to yours.

"Cute... Wait. What am I saying? She's literally a kid! I need to touch grass..."

Both sat down and infront of them was the park fountain and they stayed quiet for a few seconds observing their sorroundings. Hanni didn't let her hand go as she only made it tighter.

"You know Oppa, sometimes you just need to let those go of your chest and talk to someone about it. I'm all ears and I won't judge you at all. Like what Mom said to me, she saw you being so strong for so long that she pitied you when you broke down crying."

You softly chuckled as this was an embarrassment for you.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, I kinda feel bad though when I saw you crying. It...kinda made me sad seeing you cry."

You saw the sincerity on her eyes and you can tell that Hanni really cared for you. Even though it was just a few days ago that you two met, it felt like Hanni knew you for a long time now.

"Heh, well my family life was like yours. All smiles and laughter. I though that it would last like that until I grow old but it didn't. Dad was caught having an affair with another woman and they filed for divorce. Dad moved out along with his stuff and you thought it wouldn't get worse but it did...."

Hanni noticed how your hands began to quiver and your eyes began to look broken and empty. Hanni couldn't bear seeing you in such state but she has to keep herself under control or she might do something she could regret.

"Mom was diagnosed with brain tumor that she kept from us, from me ever since I was young and I had to take part time Jobs for moms recovery but guess what? She died on the day of my graduation and instead of me celebrating my degree, I cried alone and mourned my mother's death. Ever since then, the word comfort zone became nothing for me as shit just keeps getting worse for me since then. Heh, I'm pathetic aren't I? I live the worst life of them all but it is what it is. "

Hanni hated how you smiled after saying those words. She hated how you were saying to yourself that everything was okay when it's not. She hates that you have been lying to yourself to show how strong you are but in reality, your weak. She hates that you have been so much and nobody was there for you.

"Hanni, listen we should-"

She shut you up when she pulled you closer to her and hugged you tightly. She could hear your heartbeat which seems to relax her but the thing that surprised you, was how much you felt at ease with Hanni being this close to you. That warm and comforting embrace that you longed to have was now presented to you. You couldn't help but feel a little emotional with how Hanni hugs you.

"Oppa, everything will be okay from now on. You don't have to carry everything on your own. I'm here with you now."

You bit your lips not wanting to cry but Hanni's embrace was just too much for you. You ended up sobbing quietly with Hanni comforting you by your side.

Your date was finally over as both of you were now walking the hallways of your apartment. You stopped at her front door as Hanni smiled happily at you.

"I had fun with you today Oppa, I hope you did too."

"Honestly speaking Hanni, I did. It's been so long since I last had fun like this."

This sentence made Hanni giggle in delight as she achieved what she needed to achieve this day.

"So shall we go on a date again Oppa?"

You chuckled at her wording but nodded your head nonetheless.

"I wouldn't call it date Hanni, but sure. I don't mind going out with you again."

Hanni jumped in delight as she hugged you tightly again. You were surprised at first but patted her head in response. You didn't know that Hanni was such a clingy person after all but that only adds to her charms. Hanni was about to pull away when a wild idea came to her mind. A small smile appeared on her face when she looked up to you. You weren't gonna lie, seeing her look up to you was adorable and it slightly made you blush.

"Oppa, do you pack your lunch?"

"Ummm no, I usually eat at the cafeteria."

"Eww the cafeteria. No, that's disgusting."

"What do you mea-"

Hanni placed a finger on your mouth shutting you up as she smiled at you.

"From here on out, I'll make you lunch boxes so that you don't have to eat in that filthy piece of shit cafeteria. Bleh!"

You wanted to refuse but Hanni was quicker than you as she pulled away and said goodnight before entering her house. You were just stunned by how Hanni dictate her decisions towards you as you just chuckled and shook your head in amusement. Hanni was the first girl you met that was actually fun to be with.

"I'm sure she would eventually forget about the lunch box thing."

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Like the famous quote "Teenagers scare the living shit out of me" says, Hanni did in fact kept her word and gave you lunch boxes everyday to work. Initially you wanted to refuse her offer but seeing the band-aids around her hand on that day, it made you realize that Hanni was very genuine in making you a lunch box. Of course this would worry you and checking her hand if it was okay and all that but Hanni would just blush and nod her head. She was quite the stubborn yet smart girl because she would ask you out for another hangout.

Even though Hanni insist it was a date, you keep the word Hang out to not mistaken their relationship. After all, You were a 22 year old adult and Hanni is an 18 year old high schooler. Society would immediately hound you to death knowing your dating a minor. Your so called Hang out ranges from Cinema dates, Dinner date, amusement park date, or sometimes, staying at your place blasting music and dancing together. But the more Hanni do this kind of stuff to you, the more you see Hanni in a different light.

The way she worries about you when you go to overtime, the way she messages you everytime you arrive home, the way she would invite herself to your apartment room when there's nothing to do, the way she took care of you when you got sick, and more importantly, the way she argued back with your boss when you were clearly unable to work. That memory will forever be stuck with you because instead of getting fired, you were instead given more time of rest as your effort at your job boar fruit. Hanni was extremely ashamed for herself that day but you instead hugged her and twirled her around thanking her.

That was the day Hanni finally saw the old handsome smile she fell in love with in the first place.

Everything she does towards you was bringing you that joy and fun that you solely lack in life. She was bringing back that light that you lost back then.

Hanni was slowly becoming your Miss Sunshine and it's quite concerning for you. Hanni was a good person both as a person and at heart. So for you to have such feelings for her was surely not appropriate. In fact, you are clearly seen as a big brother towards her more than anything. But this also seems to have cause a stir at your work place and that's the lunch boxes.

You see, everyone in your workplace have been seeing you eat alone and getting your food at the counter but ever since you brought Hanni's lunchbox, everyone has been curious on who's been giving you such food.

"Hey Y/N, nice lunch box."

"Ah, T-Thank you."

"So did you made it?"

"Ah no, Someone else did."

That immediately cause them to gasp in a surprising manner which confused the hell out of you.

"Y-You have a girlfriend?"

"Ah, No she's a friend of mine."

"But she makes you lunch boxes everyday?"

"Yeah"

"Bro, You're so lucky because if a girl made lunch for you everyday then they are wife material. Marry her and don't let her go!"

Those words have been sitting on your thoughts for some time now and everytime you would see Hanni smiling and getting close to you, it made you realize that the girl that once glared at you and harshly gave you food, was making you fall for her.

It sounded so wrong for you to be having feelings on a girl who's so much younger than you and that's the confusing part. You suddenly began to act differently towards Hanni to which she noticed immediately. Everytime she would get close to you, you would move away. When she messages you, you just simply say a one liner and tell her good night. You were pushing her away from your life because deep down you know, you know that you don't deserve her.

Of course your actions pains Hanni because she felt like she might have pushed herself towards you too much. Her worst fear was slowly creeping up on her and she didn't like that one bit. She decided to take a step back on her plans and go back to her roots. Her first steps. Surely that would help her right?

Your alarm clock rang once again indicating your normal boring day to start. You got out of your bed and checked your phone but to your surprise, Hanni hasn't even read your message last night. You sighed and messaged her a simple Good morning and did you normal morning routine. You turned on the morning news hoping to hear something good happening at the economy as you wear your usual work outfit.

"Huh? So today's afternoon forecast is rain huh?"

You looked out your window and saw that the sun was already hiding and dark clouds were ruling over the sky.

"More like morning will rain."

You turned your TV off and wore your shoes before getting out of your apartment. Hanni hasn't still read your messages which slowly made you worried. This was the longest Hanni has left you on read and surprisingly, outside of your apartment was her Mother.

"Oh, Mrs. Pham good morning."

You bowed at her but you notice the sad and empty look she gave you. You sense something bad had happened and your heart was starting to beat faster as this could mean something related to Hanni.

"Y/N. Have you seen Hanni?"

There goes your bad feeling. Cold sweats began to form on your forehead as you tried to keep yourself calm.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Pham but I thought she went home last night"

"She didn't.. I tried calling her multiple times but she's not answering and... I feel like this is our fault as parents for her running away."

You wide your eyes. Your ears was not deceiving you at all because you heard it loud and clear. Hanni ran away from home and hasn't contacted anyone since. You were slowly on the verge of panicking but you remained calm as there could be a place for her to be in.

"Did you try to contact anyone from her friends Mrs. Pham?"

"I did. I called Minji and she has no idea that Hanni ran away. I... I don't know where my baby could be..."

Mrs. Pham suddenly began to sob her eyes out as you pulled out your handkerchief and gave it to her. You rubbed her back hoping to calm her down because you know how much a mother loves her children to their deaths. But there was something that still lingered on your mind.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Pham for asking but you said earlier about something about your fault as a parent for letting Hanni ran away? Hanni never once told me any problem she was facing but this is the first time I heard of this."

You might be nosy right now but you couldn't let anything happen to Hanni right now. Your sunshine was missing and it was your turn to return the favor she has done for you turning your life upside down for the better.

"Well you  see me and my husband-"

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"Why is everything falling on me so hard? What did I do to deserve this?"

Hanni thought to herself as she hugged her knees close to her. For the past few days, everything has been shity for her. School hasn't been to kind with her as her marks was slowly falling behind because of her family issues. Her parents have been constantly getting into fights lately due to her father wanting to prioritize their financial status by moving away once again. But her mother didn't want any of that money if it means making Hanni sad.

Both didn't end up in a good deal and in their fight ended up in hot claims of divorce. Hanni couldn't take such possibility as she didn't want to lose any of her parents. She had loved them so much and for her to be the reason why they would be divorcing, it was stabbing her heart.

Add in the slow fall of her relationship with you as you were clearly trying to push her away. Her once sanctuary in you was slowly disappearing right infront of her eyes. Add all this and Hanni couldn't handle it anymore as she decided that it was better off to run away from her problems, to run away from all worries and just be free.

"Mom.. Dad, I'll miss you surely.."

A tear escaped her eyes as she was set to a new goal for herself and for the better of everyone. Surely she wasn't gonna be missed by anyone if she just dissappeared from everyone.

"Oppa, I'll miss you..."

This time, her emotions was slowly getting the best of her and it didn't help that rain was slowly falling down on her. Her walls began to show crack as she recalls the moments she felt so love whenever she was with you. The memories both of you shared flashed on her mind making her realize that she had so much fun being with you. The way her heart relaxes even now just by thinking of you shows how much you impacted her life positively.

The rain suddenly got harsher yet she stayed there, on the bench getting soaked not minding the rain at all. Her body began to shiver from the cold harsh rain and she could feel her feet and hands getting stiff from the rain.

"Maybe this is better.... Dying from the cold..."

She closed her eyes and accepted her faith. There was no hope for her to fix the problem because she is the problem after all.

"Goodbye Minji, I really appriciate you being my friend because I'm such a loser. Thank you so much for giving me such fun and memorable memories."

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"Goodbye Mom, Dad. I know that Dad was just thinking about all of us but guess what? I'm a stubborn child after all and weak one too. I couldn't handle seeing you fight because of me and I hope the two of you will be happy after all this."

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"Oppa, I'm sorry for being too clingy towards you. I must have been a creep towards you huh? I'm sorry for acting like a spoiled annoying bitch towards you. I'm sorry for bothering you all this time. I'm sorry for all the mistake I did for you, all the pain and confusion I did towards you. I'm sorry.…I truly am sorry because I.... Love you Oppa and…goodbye... "

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"HANNI!!!"

You finally spotted her as you sprinted towards her faster than anyone as your adrenaline pumped to the max. You immediately covered Hanni from the rain and saw her shivering from the cold rain. She slowly opened her eyes and even though they were quite Blurry she will never forget the face of the person she loved.

"O.... Oppa..."

"Don't say anything. We're going to the hospital okay?"

You immediately removed your large jacket and coated Hanni with it. Her eyes was now slowly getting a good vision of you as notice how she looked so tired and broken. This made your heart crack as you held her cheeks warmly making Hanni love your touch. It was comforting and warm.

"Now hold on Hanni. I'm gonna carry you."

"W-What?"

Her weak voice made you more inspired as you carried her in a princess like manner as you held the umbrella on one hand while carrying her as well. By some godly strength, you carried Hanni so fast to the hospital in less than 5 minutes as upon arriving there, you called out doctors and nurses immediately. You didn't care if everyone was looking at you. A doctor and some nurses then came to your aid as you gently placed Hanni on a hospital bed.

They proceeded to do their medical stuff as you anxiously wait for the result on the waiting room. Obviously, you were the only soaked person in there as you would attract some eyes but you didn't care. All your mind could process is that Hanni will be alright and nothing bad will happen. Upon hearing that Hanni ran away, a place immediately landed on your though as you hurriedly made your way to the park where Hanni told you was her comfort zone.

Not long afterwards, the doctor would come out as you stand up hoping for the best.

"How's she doc?"

"She's fine. She's in a stable condition now but if she was 5 minutes late, she could be in critical condition because of hypothermia."

You sighed out a breath of relief as you wanted to thank the man from above.

"We're moving the patient to a private room. We just need a signature from her parents or her legal Guardian."

"I'm that person Doc. I'm......"

"You're?"

You gulped as you were afraid to say this word but at a time like this, there was no other way.

"I'm her boyfriend Doc."

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"Ugh where.... Where am I? Why is the ceiling so... White?"

Hanni spoke as she was looking around her new surroundings. This was very new to her as she tried to sit up but immediately noticed the tube injected to her left hand.

"I'm at a hospital? What happened? Hmm?"

Hanni noticed a hand holding her right hand tightly as the person was slowly waking up. Hanni widen her eyes seeing you look up at her. You immediately widen your eyes as you hugged her tightly surprising her. Her heart immediately began to face faster and her cheeks getting warmer.

"O-Oppa? Why.. Why are you here?"

"Thank God you're already awake Hanni. I was so worried sick you know."

This sentence only made Hanni blush even more as she could feel herself melting at your embrace. You finally pulled away from her as you checked her temperature on her neck and forehead. Your small gesture of checking up on her reminded her of when she took care of you when you were sick.

"O-Oppa I though.. I thought you hated me. But you saved me... Again. Just like last time.."

You softly gave her a warm smile and patted her head. You finally realize what those words meant as her mother finally told you the first time you met Hanni.

"Yeah, I finally remembered the 8 year old kid I saved from the pedestrian lane before. I didn't know she grew up so beautiful."

Hanni widen her eyes and gave you a look of shock. There was no way that you finally remembered her after all as her facial expression made you laugh whole heartedly.

"Yah, if you know then why did you kept quiet all this time?"

She pouted her cheeks at you cutely as you couldn't help but cup her cheeks on your hand making her blush furiously.

"I only figured out after your mother told me. Speaking off your mother, Your parents are kinda dissapointed at you."

Hanni lowered her head in shame as she knows that what she did was something she can't apologize for. It was an impulsive decision for her and she has nobody to blame but herself.

"But, I talked to your parents about their issues and told me that the whole divorce thing was just said because of the heat of the argument. There was really no reason for the two of them to separate."

This made the small girl smile happily as she was glad that the issue of her parents was solved. But there was still one problem that lingered on her mind.

"Oppa, I have to apologize to you."

This made you confused as you removed your hand on her cheeks. She played with her fingers as a blush was evident on her cheeks and she couldn't properly look at you in the eye.

"I.. I'm sorry for being too clingy towards you. It must have felt a little awkward with me, a high schooler getting all comfortable with an adult and-"

"Okay Hanni, Stop and listen to what I'm about to say."

You looked at Hanni in a serious expression as Hanni's heart beat was so loud and warm sweats began to form on her forehead. Your intense stare was making Hanni weak.

"I need to apologize for trying to push you away cause you see, I may have put myself in a pickled situation."

This time, Hanni notice a red stain appearing on your cheeks as her heart began to beat faster. Is her dream fantasy finally becoming a reality?

"Ever since you arrived to my life, everything has been so bright and positive with me. Like I feel like the traces of my old self dissappeared because of you. You ,Pham Hanni changed my life for the better in just a couple of months. Nobody has given me this much joy and fun in my life since I was a high schooler and because of that, I'm so forever thankful of you. "

Hanni could only nod at your words as you know the following words that will come out of your mouth is not from the brain but from the heart. With one deep breath you continued.

"Hanni, during those months of fun and enjoyment with you is something that will never be replaced and because of that I...might have caught something like.. Ummm you see I eventually-Argh! fuck it."

You couldn't properly say it but with one strong motivation, you said the words you wanted to say with your heart.

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"I love you Hanni."

Now Hanni's mind blew out as she couldn't believe what she just heard. Eight letters and 3 words, it was finally said by her first love towards her as this took a while to process but when she finally realized what she heard. She couldn't hide the happiness that her heart was beating.

"So you see, I plan to tell your parents that I love you-"

You were silenced when Hanni pulled your collar closer to her face as your lips touches hers. Her small peach flavored lips gave you an euphoric sensation that elevated your body to the top. Her lips locking with yours felt like you finally found the missing piece to your puzzle. She pulled away giggling and smiling sweetly at you.

"Oppa-No, Y/N, I love you too. Your my first love hehehe~"

Now that was a surprise but nonetheless you smiled back and cupped her cheeks and kissing her forehead.

"So you have been in love with me for 10 years?"

"Yeah, I do. I sounded desperate huh?"

"No, no you're not. That just adds to your charm."

"Hehehe, Anything to make you love me~"

The two of you shared another kiss but this time, the two were now fully aware that they loved each other and their hearts belonged to each other.

Even though that failed flower fell to the ground, it can become a foundation to bloom a better, stronger tree for flowers to bloom themselves. There is no failure in life, there is only bumps that we need to overcome in order to proceed to the next step. And sometimes, we need our own miss sunshine to guide us.

[fangirlanxiety74]

TELL ME ABOUT TED. Headcanons you have for him, anything... Can be silly or serious.

Someone... SOMEONE'S ASKING ME ABOUT MY HEADCANONS?! IT'S BEEN YEARS SINCE SOMEONE'S ASKED ME ABOUT MY HEADCANONS!! HOLD ON, I MADE A DOCUMENT!! /ref/hj

In actuality, I did genuinely make a google doc. But it's not ready to be shared yet, so I'll share the highlights.

First off, the game manual lies. He is NOT 44. He's 33 at OLDEST. I kind of consider him more like 29/30. Just barely.

He grew up in South Carolina hehe, farm boy

Bisexual disaster but I think this is kinda just obvious.

He is the oldest between him and his 5 siblings!!! And adding onto this, he is SUCH a good older brother. I don't care if everyone else disagrees, he could be the worst man alive but the one good thing someone could say was that he took care of his siblings.

If you know Ayano from Kagerou Project, I think he's a lot like her when he's younger. Like 8/9 years old. He tried so hard to protect them all from their parents and keep them happy. He'd sacrifice so much for them, it's why he kinda,, went into the extreme of being so,, entitled as a grown up. Ykwim???

Just imagine. With the ice caves, moving without thinking to save the others before himself? His brain subconsciously doing what he knows best; sacrificing what he has for others.

Selflessness as a core trait for Ted, please.

Another thing relating to his siblings: He knows how to do ballet!! And he's REALLY good at it. He actually has a lot of fun doing it. One of his sisters wanted to, but she was too afraid to take lessons alone, so he went along with her in secret. Didn't get caught for years. (She stopped lessons once he got forced out of them)

He talks a little like a New-Yorker, or at the very least, that transAtlantic accent (yk like from the old movies?) to try and play off as that kind of guy like Great Gatsby.

His actual accent is Southern. Sometimes it slips out when he's like, extremely flustered/angry, but it's such a rare thing.

He can't stand the sound of someone crying, it immediately makes him angry. Take that, and yk, Ellen or Benny constantly crying... Yeaaaah. (This is also due to his siblings).

This is obvious, he forces himself into doing a lot of masculine things that he doesn't like to appear older/wiser/better, insert whatever word you wanna use that translates to "I am insecure about myself" lol

Okay this last one is really important to me and like. It. Needs its own special paragraph. He is a creative person in his soul. He loves to learn, he loves to write, he loves to read and dance and sing and draw and he has such a huge imagination and love for creativity. You can see it in his psychodrama with how it plays out like a full-blown Grimms Fairytale, the monster he imagined that no one else could see, the line in the radio drama "Am I the last storyteller, telling the last story...?"

He's a storyteller. He has so much to say and share, and he would've done something creative with his life if he had the option, but the abuse he faced and the societal expectations placed on him forced him to,, give it all up. Made him realize he could never have that. Which is why, at least in the game, AM chose him. Ted had so much potential to create, and just... gave it up. For seemingly nothing. Why wouldn't that make AM mad, who can't create, can't even imagine or wonder?

AKA Theatre Kid Ted canon, let it be known

I have like, also. I have a somewhat-AU of Omori for the ihnm cast, and Ted takes the role of Basil. I think Dream Basil vs RW Basil fit a lot of what he is as a kid vs an adult, or at least aspects of both due.

I also have a Hadestown AU of him with my self-insert where he takes the role of Eurydiceeee.... Like. Guys, Hadestown fans, hear me out. Ted singing "Flowers." AM singing "Hey Little Songbird" to Ted. PLEASE HEAR ME CAN YOU HEAR ME??? ARE YOU LISTENING??? /J

There's so much more I can say but this is getting so long I will definitely share more if people want nfjkdc bUT THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!!

[fernsnailz]

February 2024 Review Roundup

well i sure did watch some stuff and read one book this month

the things i finished this month reminded me that for every incredible piece of art i find myself enjoying, i end up watching some Hot Garbage immediately after to balance things out again. idk why i do this.

i have quite a bit to say about both the things i enjoyed and the things that brought me physical pain this month, so there is um. a lot under the cut. any previous desire for brevity i had in january has been completely thrown out the window as i use these roundups as an outlet to gush about things i like and complain about things i didn't. fair warning, if you open the readmore you will be scrolling for a while. enjoy i guess

House of Leaves

does any other book out there have the balls to write a completely fake interview with stephen king

House of Leaves is a novel you gotta throw around a little bit. It feels really weird that my copy is still in the pristine state I bought it in - It seems like it should have water damage and smell like mildew with its pages falling out and spine cracked into pieces. Getting the full story from this book requires flipping back and forth, turning it around, searching for answers. All things considered it’s not that difficult of a read, but its format still allows you to feel like you’re discovering every hidden piece for yourself, and I really liked that interactivity. I was engaged pretty much the whole way through.

I don’t really think I’ll be able to revisit this book anytime soon though. It’s difficult for me to format what else I’d like to say about it because to be honest, it caught me off guard and disturbed me on a fairly personal level. There’s a relief I feel when I remember that I don’t actually know what was going on with the house - maybe that was intentional on the book’s behalf, maybe I just didn’t look hard enough for answers. I don’t know. But the implication that something divine was down there was enough of an answer for me. The book's good. read it if you want a spooooooky time or if you never want to look at a hallway the same way again

Doctor Who (Series 1-4) (rewatch)

ok so this is a fuckload of doctor who to cover so i’m gonna give some thoughts on a few of the characters and my favorite + least favorite episodes

9th doctor: My favorite butch lesbian. Christopher Eccleston truly embodies the concept of The Doctor so, so well: otherworldly guy who knows too much, genuinely cares about life across the universe, and also has a bit of deep, unresolved rage. His moments of joy and careless fun stick with me the most, he absolutely radiates with life and brings so much to this character.

Rose: I first watched Doctor Who when I was in middle school, and I didn’t like Rose that much back then. And guys. I have bad news. I'm still not really much of a Rose fan

I definitely understood her more this watch through - that desire for adventure and some sort of control over her life, emotions so strong that she’s willing to throw near everything away. That’s just what being 19 is like sometimes. I think Rose is a very compelling character who just happens to frustrate me a bit. And that’s kinda the point, her co-dependent relationship with the Doctor is doomed to fail and it's meant to hurt. Ultimately, I think when I first watched the show I was too young to understand Rose, and now I’m just too old to relate to her.

Captain Jack: Jack is my favorite character. I fucking love this guy. Dude has the worst luck in the whole universe and still cannot be stopped. Legendary. Every episode with him is a goddamn delight because he has so much chemistry with every single cast member. No notes 10/10 i love my problematic bisexual king

10th doctor: About four episodes into David Tennant’s run I realized that he dresses like a Hazbin Hotel character and it made me very sad. Still, there’s a reason this guy inspired every middle schooler to buy a pair of converse in 2008. He has style, he has depth, he’s got the sauce. It’s genuinely terrifying to see his anger, I like that a lot of 10’s run is about his denial of godhood and power over life in the universe, something that the rest of the time lords desired. idk i like my sad pathetic little weasel but he's also a huge fucking asshole sometimes which sucks. especially when it's directed at Martha.

Martha: Martha I am so sorry for what this show put you through. Martha was my favorite companion when I first watched the show, and I still have a huge soft spot for her. Her ability to hold her own and navigate foreign worlds using her own intelligence absolutely rules, and her drive forward is unbreakable. But the show seems to put her down at every possible opportunity, most notably with how 10 treats her. Her struggles and wants are constantly ignored, and she's often treated as a rebound from Rose. And I like that she eventually chooses to end it by not traveling with 10 anymore, but it hurts because it feels like she was never given the same chance or care that Rose and Donna were. This era of Doctor Who really doesn’t treat its black companions well because Mickey goes through something similar - both Martha and Mickey are characters designed to be ignored or left behind, and it sucks.

Donna: Donna Noble is one of the greatest fictional characters to ever exist. Despite seemingly living a fairly average life and working a fairly average job, Donna reflects the idea that no one is truly "average" and every single person is brimming with personality, life, and love. I love that her relationship with 10 is purely platonic, personally their friendship feels like it has a lot more depth than either of the romance-oriented relationships 10 had with Rose and Martha. 10 and Donna bounce off of each other so well and it's delightful, Donna brings so much humor and life to every world she's taken to and it's incredible. I wish her and Captain Jack could have interacted more.

My favorite episode: The Runaway Bride is hard to not choose as my favorite. I have a blast every time I watch this episode and it’s such a good introduction for Donna. Also the Tardis car chase kills me, I love when it cuts to the kids in the back of another car clapping and cheering. I was also surprised by the episode Midnight - it’s dreadful to watch and I kinda loved it. So much spirals out of control when shit hits the fan, even though no one has any idea what they’re trying to fight against. Really interesting exploration as to how fear can drive people apart.

My least favorite episode: It’s Love & Monsters. I wish I liked this episode - stories that follow regular ass people living in this world are often some of the best episodes in the series (Weeping Angels and all that). And this episode definitely has some of that. It’s honestly really touching to see this group of nerds get together and enjoy life in the first part of the episode. I think the antagonist of “guy who absorbs people” ends up dragging down any charm this story had because he just. eats all of the interesting characters. But despite me disliking this episode, I honestly have a deep respect for it - it’s fucking crazy. It ends with the main guy telling us about his sex life with his girlfriend who is now stuck in a piece of concrete. Where else are you going to get a story like this. It fucking sucks and that’s hilarious

oh also the production design: GODDDDDD I FUCKING LOVE THE PRODUCTION DESIGN AND SETS ON THIS SHOW. I love how dirty and rundown a lot of the spaceship sets look with wires and lights scattered everywhere. And a number of alien designs also go CRAZY with the prosthetics - I keep thinking about the Hath from The Doctor’s Daughter and how every head prosthetic had liquid inside it that could bubble. Absolutely crazy. I also love the moments where you can clearly see they did not have that much time and just had to throw something together or pain a bald cap green. Jank is the nature of sci-fi production design and I dearly love and miss that Doctor Who jank.

Rebuild of Evangelion

Last year after finishing the original Evangelion series + End of Evangelion, I remember going through the Evangelion tumblr tag and being very confused by the number of slice of life/found family-esque fanworks of the cast. It left me puzzled and thinking “...did we even watch the same thing??”

APPARENTLY NOT

[spoiler warning here because these movies are very good and i give the best parts away. if you want to watch these movies then DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!]

I honestly never expected a world where these characters got a happy ending. I so, so badly wish I could see 3.0 and 3.0+1.0 in theaters - these movies are stunning. I know I say things “go crazy” a lot, but man. They go fucking CRAZY.

While I have a few issues with how the first two movies adapted the original show, I do think the changes they made better serve the story this rebuild is trying to tell. For example, my favorite episode in the original Eva series is episode 18, where Toji is chosen to pilot Unit 03. It’s absolutely terrifying because Shinji doesn’t know who 03’s pilot is, yet he’s forced to be inside Unit 01 as it tears 03 apart. His resolve not to kill anyone despite not even knowing who’s in danger is an aspect of that episode I love and speaks to Shinji's inherent humanity, and when he learns Toji was in there it hurts even more. The rebuild movies change Unit 03’s pilot to Auska, and Shinji knows she’s in there from the start. I think this choice works for the movies and is still an effective emotional beat, but personally I still prefer the version where Shinji had no idea who was in there. That lack of knowledge is infinitely more terrifying to me.

I really like what these movies did with some of the angel designs though. The sixth angel (the fuckin. blue diamond cube thing) works really well in 3D/CG animation. The way the thing warps and moves is otherly and terrifying - and it’s just a fucking cube. I’ve always really loved how the Eva series approaches angel designs and the divine - despite the alien-like designs, there’s often something extremely familiar about them. They’re often reminiscent of an animal, a machine, or a human. This is also how they approached the anti-universe in these movies, I loved how it takes the form of various locations from the series and turns them into a movie set. It’s deeply familiar, but ultimately just an illusion of familiarity like the angels and the divine.

Also I gotta say. I fucking love Mari. I think she’s hilarious. She first meets Shinji by accidentally parachuting into him and then immediately starts crawling on all fours to sniff him. This girl also introduces “Beast Mode” where the Eva pilots can go wild turn their mechs into a fucking. superpowered beast of some sort. And also she defeats a whole army by using the Eiffel Tower as a spear. She’s such an absurd character and I honestly kinda love it. The only thing I knew about these movies before watching them was this gif of her Backing That Shit Up and she truly lives up to the insane nature of this shot.

My favorite section of these movies is definitely the first part of 3.0+1.0 where the pilots are basically just living a domestic life in a small town - it’s truly beautiful. The growth that Rei’s copy goes through here is fantastic, I love stories about seemingly emotionless beings learning how to live. And right after she dies, we get the shot that absolutely broke me the first time I saw it:

This shit. The way you can just barely tell he’s been crying from the red around his eyes. They don't talk about it, they barely linger on it, but it's allowed just enough time to punch you in the gut. I don’t know why this shot got me as hard as it did but goddamn. jesus christ. i want to throw up

There’s some goofy shit in these movies. The infinite synch rate. Misato’s stupidass hat and sunglasses. Some goofy ass 3D animation that doesn’t age super well. The rainbow that shows up every time an angel dies. But these things really didn’t take me out of the core of these films, and there’s so much genuine emotion and beauty in this series that had me absolutely hooked - especially in the last two films. They go crazy. My favorite line is 100% “The only thing a son can do for his father is pat him on the shoulder… or kill him.” and man. ain’t that what Evangelion is all about. i love these movies

High School Musical 3

kinda slaps just a little bit

High School Musical 3 starts with a finale number. The last high school basketball game of Troy Bolton’s life - and it goes kinda hard. The classic pep band brass that’s essential to so many High School Musical numbers returns, and the constant theme of two feuding cheer teams in the background? Genius. This is truly art. I love listening to Now or Never without visuals because in the middle Troy just starts coughing and gagging seemingly out of nowhere

Unfortunately, starting the movie at such a high point means that the rest of the runtime doesn’t quite match up to it. The story lags and meanders quite a bit, but part of me kinda appreciates that - it’s their last semester of high school, which is always a time of confusion and turmoil. However, I do have a pitch for how they could have countered the constant falling action this movie seems to go through:

The Wildcats should have lost their last game at the beginning of the movie.

What if the game is instead the inciting incident that leads Troy and his besties through their tumultuous last semester? Troy is still torn between basketball and theater, but his identity would be even further challenged here - is winning and success all that matters for him, or is it the love of sport and performance that keeps him going? idk whatever this movie came out 16 years ago i can’t be out here writing AUs for it jgnfsgfnjdksg

Some miscellaneous thoughts about this movie that i don’t care about formatting into larger paragraphs:

Ryan and Sharpay’s number (I Want It All) slaps as usual. The part where Ryan shouts “MADISON SQUARE GARDEN!!!!!!!” makes me so happy every time i hear it

The production design and sets go absolutely fucking crazy. I still have no idea how they pulled off the spinning hallway in Scream.

One of the classic staples of HSM is Chad’s shirts. Most of them are fairly silly and like something you would expect to find in the walmart clearance section. However, there’s one shirt he has in this movie that confused the hell out of me. It’s this one:

What the FUCK does Greenster mean. Is it just a combination of Green and Monster?? Why??? What green monster are we talking about here????? Where the fuck did this shirt come from?????????

Avatar The Last Airbender (2024)

There’s really only one word I can think of to describe what this show is like: sauceless. No flavor. No depth. No character. No sauce. This show is honestly so fucking boring and seems to fundamentally misunderstand what the appeal of the original Avatar series is - not necessarily because things are changed or removed from the original, but because nothing of substance is added in return. 

Most of the characters are mere echoes of their original counterparts when compared to their source material. Sokka is reduced to a guy who wants to fight good, Katara’s stubborn and confrontational nature is very rarely utilized, and Aang’s mischievous antics and love of fun is sorely missing. One of the major reasons for the dull interpretations seems to be the directing - While I have faith that most of these actors are trying their best (especially since a number of them are kids/young adults), the direction seems to be incredibly lackluster and takes away nearly every cast member’s stage presence or personality. There’s a number of reaction shots of the main trio that just look like this: 😐😐😐 as if they were just told to “look concerned” at the events unfolding before them. And these issues are apparent in the majority of the performances - for example, General Zhao talks like he’s in a board meeting up until the last episode, and it’s an incredibly flat performance. He talks somewhat monotone in the original series as well, but this live-action take on the character often meanders with his dialogue and lacks that sharp, terrifying quality that I think this character needs. Uncle Iroh also feels incredibly stiff in this adaptation, and it’s a goddamn crime that they took away the cunty little outfit and chains he was originally wearing when he gets captured by earthbenders. wait who said that

Credit where credit is due, there’s a few cast members that seem to be giving their best. It’s clear that Aang’s actor enjoys the role and does pretty well despite the lackluster direction and dialogue he’s given. On top of that, I think Zuko’s actor is honestly the best part of the show. His take on Zuko leans much more into teenage tendencies and sarcasm, which, although it can be silly, is a welcome take of the character in my opinion and pretty fun to watch. There’s this one line he has at the beginning of episode 2 where, in an incredibly whiny tone of voice, he goes “He RAN! The ultimate warrior! He’s a Coward :((((“ and the read is so. fucking funny

The case of bad direction isn’t limited to the performances, however. It’s also stunningly apparent in how everything is shot. Despite being in a widescreen format, most shots are incredibly centered - you could crop the entire runtime into a 4:3 frame and you wouldn’t be cutting out much of anything. I’ve seen some speculation that this was an intentional choice to make things more adaptable or readable for TikTok/phone video, but honestly I think that’s a dumb take. I think the issue stems from a lack of creativity and thoughtless composition. Keeping everything staged in the center can make shots feel disjointed, lacking much depth, or completely empty. It’s a boring way to shoot and indicates that the show lacks any unique vision at all.

Overall, this show doesn't really seem to understand what makes Avatar interesting in the first place. It's more interested in spectacle and action than the characters' relationships, emotions, and mistakes. I try not to compare it too much to the original since it's allowed to take liberties with its adaptation, but very few of its changes add much to the end result or give it a unique voice. It's just sauceless and boring.

Some YouTube videos i liked in February:

💥 My House.WAD - Inside Doom's Most Terrifying Mod (some supplemental House of Leaves material for ya) 💥 Martha Jones Deserved Better (this video explains how Doctor Who did Martha dirty better than i ever could) 💥 bringing JUSTICE to the worst garfield game 💥 Selling Kids for Clout: The Downfall of Family Channels

And that’s my roundup for February! Thank you for reading, I promise there are no more reviews left to scroll through below this goodbye. Nope, nothing else I watched this month. Bye!

…ok is everyone gone. phew, i’m glad no one noticed i pulled an hbomberguy and hid the largest part of this post under a false ending. Anyway holy shit i need to talk about hazbin hotel

Hazbin Hotel

well i didn’t like it

Hazbin Hotel is a weird, fascinating mess of a show. Every episode left me wondering what creative decisions (or lack thereof) led to the sequence of images I just watched. There’s been a lot of discussion of this show recently and I’m not interested in covering every critique I have, but there’s a few things that I'd like to talk about somewhat in-depth.

Hell is real and it's just Red Chicago

The setting of Hell is kinda boring in this show.

Let me try to put this into perspective. Aside from the hotel, here’s a list of the locations we see in Hell:

A boardroom

A video store

Vox’s evil lair (it has cyber sharks which is kinda cool)

Various streets

Another boardroom

A BDSM club

Carmilla’s house (it’s gray and has. balconies?)

A porn studio

A bar

Another bar

A town square (full of cannibals)

None of these locations really take on any sort of otherworldly form besides some vague demonic imagery scattered throughout (and the cannibals. i guess. whatever). In short, Hazbin Hotel’s setting resembles Chicago more than it does Hell.

I can see a world where that’s intentional. Perhaps making Hell resemble a modern city could be used as a thematic tool or point of relatability? But Hazbin doesn’t really do anything like that - since the characters rarely ever interact with their environments, these locations end up seeming like they lack creativity, like they’re just cardboard sets where characters go to swear. They all start to blend together after a while - every street feels the same, every boardroom fades into the background, and every bar feels like a google image search result for the word “club.” This world feels stunningly empty despite the busy designs and colors. Even though the backgrounds are painted and designed fairly well, nothing of substance is ever really added to them through the story.

However, a few musical numbers take effort to break away from these settings. This felt like a weight off of my shoulders whenever it happened, it was nice to see some interesting setpieces and backgrounds that weren’t red. I liked the bombastic and over-the-top broadway lights in Loser and the glowing alternate world in Charlie and Lucifer’s song. But these moments are few and crowded by the dull locations in Hell - or worse, the Hotel itself.

Despite being the namesake of the show, the actual Hazbin Hotel is… lifeless. Which, yeah, it’s a hotel where dead people go in the afterlife, but it’s missing any sort of personality or history besides “it’s old and falling apart.” I expected the hotel to be full of secrets - like maybe some hidden passages or rooms, or mysterious cabinets full of rotted meats, or old valuables hidden under the rugs by the previous owners. Something for the cast to explore and discover, and as they get closer to each other they also start to understand the hotel more. Alastor seems very intent on keeping the physical hotel standing for some reason, but I never really understood why. There’s nothing there. And that nothingness is fully realized when at the end of the show, they just rebuild the entire hotel to be grand and beautiful - an emotional beat that didn’t hit me at all because I never felt like I knew the hotel in the first place. Despite rebuilding it from the ground up, it will feel just as empty.

3 SHOTS THAT DRIVE ME CRAZY

I was truly baffled at how some of these scenes are timed and put together. Multiple sequences left me feeling nauseous and dazed - the camera moves like it’s being swung on the end of a rope, and there’s so many misplaced or meaningless cuts scattered through these episodes.

There’s a sequence of three shots in the first episode that I want to dissect. I will fully admit that I'm breaching nitpicking territory here, but the shot composition issues in this show are pretty rampant and my analysis here is just a hyper-specific look at a single part of that larger problem. Hopefully you can also use it as a quick storyboarding lesson too idk

First, we see Adam teasing Charlie.

Then, it cuts straight to this shot:

A few things here. 

Shot 2 is just closer on the characters, which is not a great idea to cut to after the previous waist-up shot. On top of being a jarring jump cut, there is no purpose for this new shot. All the information we see here (Adam laughs, Charlie fake laughs) could have just been conveyed in the previous shot.

Despite the characters being in the same position as the last shot, the background changes. This straight up just feels like an error. I think the idea is supposed to be that the camera is at a different angle, but the position of the characters does not convey that. It looks like reality changes behind them.

And if that’s not enough, this is the shot we get immediately after those two:

In this shot, the residents of the hotel sit on the couch as Vaggie walks into the shot, framing them between her legs. But there’s something… off.

Vaggie either looks like she’s floating or she’s three stories tall. Quick storyboard lesson as to why:

The main problem with this shot is that the perspective of the background doesn’t match up with where Vaggie is placed. The couch is framed as if the camera were above it, but Vaggie is framed like the camera is floor-level below her. I’ve traced the shot and added a perspective grid to hopefully better illustrate this:

Do you see what I mean? If the camera WAS actually on the floor like Vaggie’s position in the shot suggests, the composition would look more like this:

Notice how much closer the floor grid is to the bottom of the frame and how you can see the underside of the couch.

And to be fair, this is probably what the original storyboard for this shot looked like! Personally I think something went wrong in the compositing stage - this might be a couch background from another shot that was reused here to save time, or whoever approved this shot just let the error slide since the shot is so short (i've been there. sometimes you let the jank slide). Most animated shows will have some poorly framed shots and continuity errors because mistakes are bound to happen, but two egregious ones right next to each other like this is. pretty bad. It's so noticeable from a directing perspective.

Here’s the thing: these three shots happen in the span of like 10 seconds. Most viewers probably wouldn’t notice these issues, and that's fine. But even though these errors are quick, they stack upon each other so fast that even if you can’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong, something still feels wrong. There’s so many other moments where the show breaks extremely basic shot composition, continuity, and staging rules - for example, the second musical number of the show breaks the 180 rule like four times for no good reason. The whole show feels like a dizzy, nauseating mess because the shots rarely feel like they form anything cohesive.

MY ROOMMATE TOLD ME TO GO TO BED SO HERE ARE SOME FINAL THOUGHTS

Here’s a rundown on some other thoughts that I don’t care to format into larger sections:

The show seems to lack much to say about sin and redemption other than “redemption good.” like sure, but what are they being redeemed from? Is heaven truly the place they deserve to go after being redeemed, even though it’s shown to be unjust? Are there sins that are too great to be redeemed from, or others that shouldn't be considered sins at all? I asked myself a number of questions like this, but never got many answers from Hazbin.

This show has a bad relationship with kink and sex. Both are mostly used as a punchline or a form of control. I didn’t like it. Perhaps the reason Hazbin never really comments on the nature of sin is because it needs you to consider sex and kink sinful or otherly for these jokes to hit.

Some of the animation is crazy good. I will praise any animator that even attempts to make these character designs move. A number of extremely talented people worked on this show, a few of the musical sequences in particular have some incredible movement.

Alastor is a very boring character. It’s wild that most of the side characters in this show only exist to talk about how much they like or hate Alastor, he mostly just stands to the side of some shots or kills random nameless goons. I expected him to have a much larger role in the story, but he just gets his ass kicked in the final episode and then crawls back to the hotel.

Episode 4 is the most cohesive, and i think Angel is the best character in the show. Unfortunately, the fact that Hazbin takes so much effort to show Angel’s misery left me… concerned? None of the other characters get treated as poorly as Angel by the narrative. There’s a few smaller explorations of trauma, but nothing remotely compares to what Angel is put through on-screen. This isn’t to say that I think the whole cast needs to be extremely traumatized and constantly miserable, but rather that I find it concerning that the only character subjected to incredibly graphic abuse and torture (that we see or hear about) is the gay sex worker. Which sucks, because I think the concept of hypersexuality resulted from sexual abuse is an important topic worthy of discussing in adult media. I just think they tried to execute this theme without much critical thought beforehand.

I think the voice cast does a fantastic job for the most part. Keith David is way too good for Husk.

I really liked the one shot where Charlie opens her phone and we see that she has a contact for every individual egg minion.

I was very brave and got through this whole review without talking about my new least favorite character of all time, Vox. here’s what I think of him:

The overall vision and end result of Hazbin Hotel is just mediocre. While I don’t know what led to the messy state this show ended up in, my guess is that it was probably the result of inadequate direction, sloppy writing, and lacking creative support from the studios involved. Because of this, please understand that I have no desire or intention to put down any individual artists that worked on this show - I hope it's clear that most of my criticisms are directed at the larger vision these artists were given to execute and/or the lack of creative support they received while working on this show.

I also don’t really have much desire to participate in any further Hazbin discussion or discourse because it has wasted enough of my time already and I want to be free of this curse. please spare my inbox from hazbin hotel discourse. please. i'm begging.

You want to know what the most fucked up thing about this is though? Despite everything I said about Hazbin, Avatar the Last Airbender 2024 is still the worst show I watched this month. I would take Hazbin over Avatar 2024 literally any day.

well if you got this far. thanks for reading. also sorry you read all that. whelp alright back into my hole i go bye bye

[imonthemoonitsmadeofcheese]

hi I'm learning destiny lore the hard way and I've seen you in my notes, who's Eris Morn? What's her deal? This is an invitation to infodump you seem like the person to ask XD

Oh wow! I will answer your question, despite feeling unworthy to do so, but before I do, since you mentioned you're learning the lore, this is the Eris page from the Ishtar Collective website: https://www.ishtar-collective.net/categories/eris-morn It gives a list of main plot points for Eris up until just before the Season of the Witch and links to all Eris lore that exists in-game, going into far more detail than I can in one Tumblr post.

The Ishtar site pulls a large amount of its info from the D2 API and then supplements anything it can't get from there with human volutneer transcribers pulling from sources like the Destiny Lore Vault: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqJlWJF0IucG7HXcEao78Cw .

If there is lore you can acess in-game, now or in the past, Ishtar has it and it is searchable via keywords. It is official lore, not someone's interpretation of it, and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

However, not everyone realizes that the Ishtar Collective also has a Discord: https://discord.gg/v8GsggCV

And that Discord is full of lore nerds who you can just go to and ask obscure lore questions and they will happily answer them (or sometimes get into adorkable near-academic-level debates over them, with citations as well as historical and philosophical references) because that's their definition of fun. They are, for the most part, genuinely lovely humans and I adore them all.

Everything I know about Destiny I learned from either playing the game or reading that website or asking those people.

Now, to answer your question, I'm going to give you a short quick answer and then a longer more in-depth answer afterwards.

The short quick answer is a quote from a story I wrote (A Dance with Vengeance) where I have the Drifter explaining where Eris got her eyes to an Eliksni character I made up:

Please note: this is fanfiction. This conversation never happens in lore, and the closest we've gotten to Driferis in-game is a delightfully sweet hug buried in the lore tab for a sparrow vehicle, but the events the Drifter is narrating (with a bit of dramatic flourish) did happen to Eris in-game.

The longer answer:

Eris, a former Hunter (and Ahamkara wish-dragon slayer), is the sole surviving member of the First Crota Fireteam, a team of six guardians looking to avenge all the friends and loved ones who died in The Great Disaster (when humanity sent an army of guardians to try to reclaim the Moon from the Hive) and, in particular, to avenge the death of a badass Titan named Wei Ning (Eris' friend and lover of Eriana-3, the fireteam leader). Their goal was to kill Crota, the then-leader of the Hive forces on the Moon (Crota is the son of Oryx, who, himself is both a Hive god and the Taken King, brother to the other Hive gods, Savathun, Hive god of Lies, and Xivu Arath, Hive god of War).

Everyone on the First Crota Fireteam except for Eris died horribly and Eris was lost in the Hellmouth on the Moon for a century. Eris' ghost (Brya) killed itself to protect her and Eris no longer has access to Light-based guardian powers. She killed a Hive acolyte and took its eyes (cutting out her own) since she had wished on her bone to know the way out of the Hellmouth but could no longer see. (Ahamkara wish magic is always tricksy - they're basically wish-granting genies who always twist what you ask for into the worst possible outcome.)

Eris has a few titles: "The Forgotten Blade," "Bane of the Swarm," "Crota's Bane" and, more recently in Season of the Witch, "Hive god of Vengeance." She is our main point of contact on the Moon (the Shadowkeep DLC is fantastic and the Moon is awesome and creepy and one of my favourite places to go in-game - I could go on and on about my favourite spots there).

Eris has devoted the rest of her (now mortal) life to exterminating the Hive and has guided the Guardian (the player character) to do so through many adventures, notably the Crota's End raid (where we kill Crota and finally accomplish what her fireteam set out to do), the Kings Fall raid (where we kill Oryx), the Pit of Heresy dungeon, and the Scarlet Keep strike (where she has one of her infamous fantastic lines: "Do you feel it as I do, Guardian? A hatred as pure and potent as sunshine, soaking through your skin?"

Season of the Witch is all about Eris becoming the Hive god of Vengeance to deal with Xivu Arath. If you've ever watched Full Metal Alchemist, the logistical problem with Xivu is the same: going to war with something that feeds off of violence and death just makes it stronger. Season of the Witch is still available (at the time I'm writing this) and there's some amazing scenes in there. I highly recommend playing through it but if you can't, here's an 8.5 minute video of the 3 main cutscenes including the ending [i.e. this is a spoiler if you haven't played it yet and still want to!]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVUWu-DqZvU

Eris' storyline in-game is all about recovery from trauma. Many of her quests are either helping her seek vengeance or helping her find peace (such as recovering mementos of her fireteam from various spots on the Moon). She is haunted (literally) by the ghosts of her past (here's 19 seconds of her yelling at them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lcs1io-kvdg ) and her recovery from that has made her the unofficial trauma therapist for the Vanguard.

In Season of the Haunted (sadly no longer playable) she guides Zavala, Crow and Cabal Empress Caiatl through combatting and laying to rest their own nightmares-of-the-past-made-real. Here's a link to a 9 min video of the main cutscenes from that season (there's more content if you watch a full playthrough): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWHphu-iT3w

Eris taught herself how to wield Hive magic from a combination of her century of wandering on the Moon and the journals of Toland the Shattered (one of the members of her fireteam who betrayed them to the Hive and is now a floating sparkle-ball who sometimes helps us and sometimes just insults us on the Moon).

Eris is the Vanguard's Hive expert and Darkness expert. She is also one of Ikora's Hidden (Ikora is the Vanguard spymaster and the Hidden are her network of spies.) One of Eris' main story elements is that most people don't trust her, and not without cause. Another D2 character, Elsie Bray, aka the Exo Stranger, has been living her own personal Groundhog Day time-loop hell where she has watched humanity fail over and over against the Witness and then goes back in time to try to stop it. In most of Elsie's time loops Eris succumbs to her trauma and the corrupting nature of the Darkness powers she wields, goes full Hive, and leads the forces of evil to wipe out humanity in what is referred to as "the Dark Timeline."

Eris is constantly dealing with accusations that she's crazy, that she's evil, that she's unstable, and every time it's proven she's not, but people still find her untrustworthy and it isolates her from most of humanity, noteworthy exceptions to this being Ikora, Queen Mara, the player character, and the Drifter.

I am (obviously) especially enamoured of the relationship between Eris and the Drifter, and their in-game banter is absolute top-tier (he flirts and Eris roasts him and it is glorious), but the very core of their relationship is built on comfort and understanding. He trusts her (something almost no one else does) and she gives him hope (which is genuinely impressive and beautiful because the Drifter's own backstory is brutal and bleak as fuck).

Throughout most of Eris' narrative in-game she is a recovering survivor, but in Beyond Light (the DLC where we get our not-ice magic Stasis powers) we get to see Eris not just psychologically and emotionally recovered, but also getting to be a badass in battle. This is, in my opinion, the best cutscene in the entire game: (it is 1 min an 35 seconds and far, far too short): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAD6E_vESJY

I love this cutscene not only because it is visually spectacular, but because Eris has, for most of her narrative, been an injured survivor needing the player character to fight in her place because she no longer can. But in Beyond Light she is now able to kick ass and, perhaps even more importantly, be a part of a fireteam again.

There's more but I'm going to stop there. Eris is badass and amazing and creepy and fantastic. She uses the weapons of the Hive against them. She uses her own traumatic experiences to heal others. Her dialogue lines are evocative and snarky and brooding and poetic. The voice acting for her is some of the best I've ever heard anywhere. Her character has a complex, empowering, healing, hopeful, and beautiful narrative. And I love her intensely for it.

Ideally, this has answered your question at least somewhat, but do feel free to ask me any follow up questions you have about this or anything. I maintain I am not an expert in D2 lore. I am a writer and I don't just have biases, I use them to make art. But I do love the game and while I am not an authority on anything, I have immersed myself in much of the lore with wild abandon and will happily point you to places where you can find more information where my own understanding is limited.

And with that, I leave you with another fantastic Eris quote that so many people have connected with and found beautiful but that also encapsulates "who is Eris Morn" pretty well on its own:

"Recovery is a spiral, not a circle. You may return to the same patterns, but you will break free." —Eris Morn

[amazingmsme]

So I’m still trying to work on their backstories, but I think I got the main important bits that I can build off of later

Sorry that these aren’t as even as I’d like, but Asterios’s backstory came much easier than Leander’s. I still gotta come up with his home life & such, but for the most part, I like where he’s at!

Our big lovable himbo, Leander. About as tall as Eurylochus, but even beefier. He’s got the personality of an orange cat: dumb, crazy & happy. BRT you thought I was gonna say golden retriever, huh? But yeah, he’s also a golden retriever jcvskahd

He’s got strong Laios vibes, just sayin’

Would’ve absolutely eaten the lotus, are you kidding me? Even if he knew. Just a nibble! Just to see what it tastes like…

He’s honestly a jack of all trades & dabbles in a bit of everything, but he excels at sword fighting & spear throwing

Sees training as a type of game & goes all out on his opponents, then doesn’t understand why no one wants to spar

A disciple of Apollo, he really appreciates the arts & has a really nice, deep singing voice, but he’s surprisingly shy when it comes to singing in front of others

Loves the sun & likes to lay on the deck enjoying its warmth. He’s kind of a slacker tbh but he makes up for it when he does help because he’s so strong

So he falls in love with one of the nymphs on Circe’s island, & in the original show he ends up staying to be with her. But for my fic, he stays with the crew to go back home & is so lovesick, he gets on everyone’s nerves

But in the original version, he’s one of the few (maybe only?) crew that actually lives because of his choice to stay

They fall in love after he turns human again & jokingly says “man, I’ll miss being a pig. Well, it was fun while it lasted, right guys?” & everyone’s yelling at him & giving him shit for it & this one nymph thinks that’s just so funny

He doesn’t even know how funny he is, he just be sayin’ shit. & it’s one of the things that made her fall for him

Their love came on quick & strong. Think summer romance, opening of Grease, that kinda stuff. They’re so lovey dovey, & it’s all genuine!

Just a big ol’ teddy bear. A ticklish softie. You wouldn’t expect him to be so ticklish because of how big & strong he is, but just a few pokes can make him crumble

Has a very fun & goofy personality & never fails to make people laugh! Even if he has to tickle it outta them lol

Sometimes when his hair is up, his ponytail will brush his neck & he’ll giggle & whip his head around expecting someone to be there, but nope. He realizes what happened & looks around to make sure no one saw & if they did he gets all flustered & makes up some excuse to leave

You better hope he’s not in a playful mood if you go after him because he will turn it into a tickle fight, & he’s pretty competitive lol

He’ll help out if someone is trying to get someone else by catching them & holding them down. Likewise, if you want to wreck him, you better have someone to hold him down

He’s such a silly ler, & raspberries are one of his favorite tactics but the dude cannot take what he dishes out

His worst spots are his armpits, belly, thighs & feet, but he’ll be a giggling mess no matter where you try

So his backstory popped tf off ok it got away from me

He’s the son of Eris, goddess of discord & strife, hence the ear wings (a lot of her children had wing imagery & he can hide them by folding them & tucking them under the hair behind his ears)

He was unplanned & Eris cast him down to earth because she at least knew she’d be a bad mother for a half mortal. She may not want anything to do with him, but she does want to check up & see how he’s doing

His adopted parents found him washed on the shore of a riverbed, in a broken basket. He was there long enough that he’d fallen asleep, but he was still clutching a gold chain necklace in his tiny fist (his real mother’s necklace, & the only clue he had to go off of)

He was a terrible troublemaker growing up, & his parents had to actively teach him to be kind & thoughtful because of how he’d treat others & instigate fights. But his mischief leveled out to normal levels, & he was actually a pretty decent child all things considered

But just being around him can change your mood, where you’re more annoyed & prone to start fights, but he’s learned to control this

Grew up not knowing he was adopted, just knowing & feeling he was extremely different. He had few friends growing up, because his general aura is off putting & intimidating. So he just grew up thinking he was somehow wrong, & everyone hated him

His parents tried to tell him multiple times, but couldn’t bring themselves to confess. Especially his mom, as if telling him he’s adopted would somehow make him less hers, & make him feel isolated more than he already was. They also didn’t want to tell him until they knew who’s child he was, but they had no clue

They found out close to his 13th birthday, after finding a mural of Eris wearing the necklace that he showed up with

He didn’t take the news well & basically blamed himself for every misfortune their family faced. & then the spiraling of why didn’t his mom want him? Is it just because he’s human or was it something else? Do these parents even want him, or was he just a burden thrust into their arms? they adore him, but they know no matter what they do, he will always have that doubt in the back of his mind

Eris finally showed herself when he was 16, crying in her temple & cursing her name for forcing him to live like this. It went about as you’d expect (skirting all the blame, playing the victim, & saying how much better he is without her & how he should instead thank her for the way things turned out)

Eris at least had the decency to warn him about the upcoming war, & even proudly took responsibility. Basically just called up her estranged son to bitch & spill some tea & then peaced tf out. So after that he felt like he had no choice but to join the war

He feels incredibly guilty about the war because of what he knows. Like it’s his fault somehow. Once he gets close enough to Leander, I feel like he’d confess these emotions on a sleepless night

His feelings of being an outcast only grow once they’re shipped off to war, because at first he doesn’t feel like he can relate to anyone. Or that anyone even wants him around, he can feel people staring. But then this big dumb jock comes bumbling over, introducing himself & asking if he’s “excited to see the world!” & Asterios has to laugh because no way is this guy serious. But he was, & they’ve been best friends ever since. Every moody bitch gotta have a ray of sunshine bff!

They’re actually roommates lmao. But a few other guys also share the room

He channels all his rage into his training & fighting, so he’s really skilled at what he does. & he inherited divine strength, so even tho he may not look it, he could totally beat everyone in an arm wrestling match

This sad boy needs to lighten tf uuuup he’s always sulking or brooding

Either Leander or Polites were trying to cheer him up, & when nothing else worked they gave a curious squeeze to his sides & he kiiiinda freaked out (he kinda knew he was ticklish, but he’d completely forgotten because it’s been so long & it’s basically like getting tickled for the first time

Afterwards he lowkey can’t stop thinking about it because he’s never had the chance to cut loose & play with someone his own age like that. & it felt stupid & silly, but he can’t ignore the fact that it actually did make him feel better he refuses to admit it tho

HE’S GOT DIMPLES!!! You can’t tell in the pic cause of his stubble, but trust me, they’re there. But the crew didn’t even know for the longest time because he rarely ever smiles wide enough for them to show up

Tries to act like it’s childish & beneath him, meanwhile he’s internally trying to keep his cool so he can fly under the radar in it’s happening near him

If a tickle fight breaks out, he’s suddenly nowhere to be found. The whole thing flusters him, & the idea of him getting drug in is too exciting & scary to think about. Until someone eventually drags his ass into the fray

He inherited some of his mother’s powers & he will absolutely use them to his advantage when he sees fit. His powers are: super strength, super speed, telekineses, umbrakineses (shadow manipulation), & chaos/discord manipulation (control emotions & situations to instigate fights)

He managed to get a better grip on his powers & people aren’t constantly on edge around him, but when things on the ship get boring, he’ll spice things up with a little bit of his chaos manipulation. But he basically gives a random crew member a ler mood, & directs them toward a specific target

He got away with it for a while

His ear wings are his worst spot & he hates it so much, he’s already extremely self conscious & embarrassed of them, so the fact that they’re so sensitive feels like a cruel twist of fate. Everyone else absolutely loves that fact

His other worst spots are his knees, ribs, shoulders, & hips. Lanky boy has gotta be ticklish in all the boney places, it’s the law

[nanistar]

do you have any tips on story writing / comic making? ive got something all plotted out but i just dont know where to start with executing it

hmmm this one is tough because i have a long history of starting and giving up on comics, even if i have a full script written out. i'm personally really bad at the whole planning-stuff-out thing. i tend to work in short bursts and write stuff maybe two or three scenes in advance.

i think my best advice would be: if you have something planned out, and you're excited to start working on it, just start working on it.

don't wait to find the perfect beginning, because in my experience, you'll eventually lose confidence or motivation if you wait too long. the worst thing that will happen is you might come up with a cooler idea later, but the good thing about webcomics is you can always start over, especially if it's early on. my "main" comic- something ive been working on since 2014- i have started and stopped about 6 times, and i have changed the plot/settings completely about as many times. i even wrote it out as a 100+ page novel for a creative writing class in high school. i actually started SBC with the intention of doing a short 1-2 year comic to kinda "warm up"

share some of your process online and with friends for feedback as you go with pre-planning. when i was building up the mojave clan concept, briskwater was intended to be the main character, with vulturepaw, a sunclan cat, having an unrelated but major side story but when i shared my first character sketches with my friend server, they all went bonkers over Saltburn so i changed my plan to focus on her. you don't have to share everything, but just having people initially interested in your story is a HUUUGE motivation boost. if you're having troubles scripting a start, don't script. think about openings to shows/series that you like and just start sketching stuff. i really like the foreboding prose-like openings of Fellowship of the ring and Avatar the last airbender, that tells you everything you need to know about the world itself, and mayhaps foreshadows a bit, but is still opened-ended enough that it can go anywhere. you can also start in media res; AKA start where the action all ready happened/is happening, and do a "teaser" of sorts, and then go back, sometimes called a Cold Open (tho that one is used mainly in TV, and some argue it's different but they're both functionally the same thing). think about how procedural investigation shows will often show you an obscured view of how the episode's victim gets murdered/kidnapped/whatever, and then it launches into the shows opening credits.

also finally, and i mean this so, so genuinely, it does not have to be perfect, and it wont be. you are going to be drawing SO many characters so many times, so many BGs ect, things are going to slip through the cracks that that's OK. you can take shortcuts, you can be lazy, you can have continuity errors. also give characters in the BG funny stupid faces instead of worrying about details because its fun to do

sooo yah. that's all i got TLDR: look at intros to media you like, and steal their style. don't worry about getting it perfect. if you have even a slim idea of what you want, just go for it and it will come to you. if you don't know what you want.... also just go for it.

also. my style of writing/comics works for me, but it might not work for you so take any advice i give with a grain of salt. ask other comic folk, like @razmerry and uh. ive been sitting here for 15 minutes but i literally forgot every other comic person ever. so sorry. but anyone who knows things feel free to add on.

[nerd-chocolate]

My Vesperia redesign and a bit rewrite of a queen banana:

I want to thank everyone that participated in the poll for this and the upcoming Kitty Noire redesign post I’ll be doing next. Just wanted to say this post is for pure fun and not for malicious intent just like my sole crusher redesign and sorry that wasn’t clear enough. Anyway on to this post.

My opinion about her original design:

Honestly, I like Vesperia’s design, it looks pretty great. And look, I know it has its drawbacks and may not be the best design but it is far from the worst design in the whole show. That goes to Aspik, Snake Noir, and Hawkmoth/Shadow moth/Monarch, huh like father like son. Okay back to the discussion beforehand, yeah Vesperia looks more like a wasp than a bee but I don’t find any issues with it since some of the heroes also don’t like their respective animals as well and some people weren’t complaining about them, to be honest. Also if I did have a problem with it then this post probably wouldn’t exist. Honestly, the things I don’t like about her design are her camouflage mode design, her hair, and the slider (what the wiki calls it) on her chest. Her camo mode hair comb is just a bee design but with her usual colors for her clothes, which doesn’t look that pleasing to me. Her braid isn’t just working for me and I’m kinda confused about how it looks when it is unbraid compared to Queen Bee's hair where that hairstyle makes sense. And why the slider on her chest, it feels very out of place, to be honest, and it doesn’t need to be there at all. So yeah this design is pretty solid in my book. I like the design even though there are problems with it that people have that are genuine criticisms of it.

So let's redesign Vesperia and see if the design could work for her as much as her original design.

Her Redesign:

Okay, so I ended up changing the design a lot more than expected so here we go. The things I’m keeping are her boots, her mask, her stripes, and her antennas since I like them and would fit here. First I would give her a short half-down and half-up hairstyle so the hair comb with the antennas can stay in place while her bangs and bottom layer are black hair color and then her mask being the same as before. Then I would give her a sleeveless swan-necked black shirt with warm yellow stripes and the collar is warm yellow as well. She has black fingerless biker gloves with spikes on them and warm yellow shorts with suspenders hanging down and chains belts which is where the spinning top is. She has bee wings as well because it would work for her. Lastly, having black ripped tights and boots from her original design. And as for the disguise mode for the miraculous, I would have two pink bougainvillea flowers one on the right and one on the left and they each have a skull head in the middle while having gold leaves and thorns as well for the rest of the hair comb. Here are some pictures for reference:

And yes, I know she isn’t a ginger but that stops me from pushing my Ginger Zoé agenda!!

Some notes and quotes:

Okay I know this is the part where I do a personality rewrite but honestly, it is the same as her canon self so let’s move on.

Before I do the quotes, here are some things that I would like to mention:

She can be very snarky whenever Chloé gets akumatized.

She is very close friends with Rooster Bold and Purple Tigress. And may or not ask them for love advice sometimes.

I think during Queen Banana, Zoé had a bag of honey chocolate chip cookies and gave Pollen to recharge, and ever since Pollen loved them.

She may not know Pollen that long but she and Pollen have a nice bond where Zoé was mostly scared of her at first but ends up thinking Pollen is one of the sweetest things in the world. While Pollen would help Zoé with her self-confidence and always be happy to see her (and lowkey shipping her with her crush).

And her antennas can emote as some anime ahoges can even without her noticing it.

Now here are some quotes for you guys to enjoy (and sorry these are a bit weaker than usual) also I'm did use @artzychic27 ocs in this I’m tagging them for that reason:

Reshma when Queen Banana appears: … I swear to god, the more she gets akumatized the more she looks tacky in each one.

Jean: Yep and the fact she got a gaudy car and gorilla as well is stupid.

Ismael: I’m starting to think ShadowMoth is getting worse in Akuma design as we speak that is even low for him since some of the early Akuma designs weren’t even that good.

Reshma: Yep, he is even worse than Gabriel fucking Agreste is.

Meanwhile

ShadowMoth: *crying* I’m not a bad designer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cosette: Okay, I think we’re safe here from that loony banana for now. *turn to face Zoé* Right now, we need to *sees that she upsets* Zoé?… What's wrong?

Zoé hugging her knees: …

Cosette: *sits next to her* You can tell me if you want, I just want to know if you’re okay.

Zoé: … It's my fault.

Cosette: Huh?

Zoé: It's my fault that she’s acting like this and terrorizing everyone! If I wasn’t in the movie, she wouldn’t be ruining it and got akumatized. She was probably right to want to send me back to New York. *starts tearing up* I’ll just keep messing up things for everyone else just like I did back in New York.

Cosette: Zoé, none of this is your fault.

Zoé: What?

Cosette: *gently holds her hand while blushing* You didn’t do anything wrong in this situation and Chloé is just trying to pin blame on someone else so she wouldn’t have to admit that it was her fault in the first place. There were many times when she got akumatized because she didn’t get what she wanted those were way before you came here. Even if you mess up, like I said, I and many others are going to be here to help you, no matter what. Overall, you did nothing wrong in this situation and I’m going to keep telling you that until you believe it, okay?

Zoé: *blushing* … Okay, I believe you.

Cosette: *hugs her* Good.

Zoé: *hugs them back and then let's go when she hears chaos coming from outside* But, I need to face her alone. She’s my sister and I can’t sit by and let her hurt others because of me. So I want you to stay here so you can be safe because knowing that you aren’t hurt, makes me happy, Cosette.

Cosette: Okay, just be safe out there.

Zoé: I will. *hugs it real tight before leaving* I’ll be back!

Cosette: *blushes while smiling* Okay! ‘That’s my girl.’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ladybug summons a motorcycle: … What the?!

Zoé: Hmm, if you don’t mind can I drive it?

Ladybug: Oh…Okay?

Zoé: Great! *puts on her helmet and gets on it* Hang on!

Ladybug: *holds on to her* Wha- *gets freaked by the fast driving* AHHHHHHH!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An alternative way to defeat Queen Banana (sorry this is too corny for you):

Queen Banana holding Ladybug while her banana gun is against her head: Give me your miraculous, or else I’ll turn her int- *gets pulled into the ground by a yellow string and drops her banana gun* What the?! Who dares to stop me?!?

Vesperia: I did, banana brain.

Queen Banana: Who are you supposed to be, my pathetic clone?! Because there is only one Queen Bee and that is me!!!

Vesperia: .. You're right, you are the only queen bee around here. You know the one who almost caused a train to crash for her selfish reasons, the one who decided to work with Shadowmoth because she didn’t get what she wanted, and put every other hero in danger by revealing their secret identity to him not realizing the consequences of what will happen next. No one wants to be Queen Bee because she is nothing but a pathetic person that expects things to go her way all the damn time. You are queen bee since no one wants to be anything like you, especially me. *grins a sly smile* I’m Vesperia by the way! *wields her spinning top back into her hand* VENOM! *stings Queen Banana and takes her hair clip* Here you go! *throws it to ladybug, who catches it*

Ladybug/Chat Noir: 😧

Chat Noir: … That was unexpected.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vesperia while princess carrying Cosette: Are you okay, Co- I mean civilian?

Cosette: *blushing like crazy* Um-uh..um YEAH! Thank you for saving me!!

Vesperia: *also blushing while her antennas emote a heart shape* You're welcome! Let’s get you to safety, don’t want someone as cute as you to get hurt. *starts to fly up to the skies*

Cosette: ….*makes confused bisexual noises*

After a few minutes of searching for a safe place

Cosette: *blushing* Thank you for saving me Vesperia, you’re a very pretty- I mean pretty cool hero!

Vesperia: *blushing* Of course! I’m always here if you ever need saving umm…

Cosette: Cosette.

Vesperia: Right! You have such a lovely name.

Cosette: Thanks. *smiles softly and awkwardly*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pollen looking at a picture of the science kids: My Queen, who are these people?

Zoé: Oh, those are my friends. We took that photo a couple days after I first got here.

Pollen: Oh so they’re like your court?

Zoé: Well I’m not sure if that's the right way to use it like that.

Pollen: … *points to Cosette* So would that mean this girl you were talking to isn’t queen by your side then.

Zoé: … *blushes like a ripped tomato* NO! Not like that!! I mean I do appreciate Cosette as a friend of mine!!! It’s not that I have a crush on it exactly!!

Pollen who saw the whole conversation when she saved them: Uhhh right, my queen. ‘It seems like my queen may be having trouble expressing her emotions… a lot.’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marc: Oh hey Zoé!

Zoé: Hey Marc, hey Nathaniel! What are you guys doing?

Marc: We’re heading to movies and the fact I finally got him to take a break from drawing all that adrienette cringe.

Nathaniel: I still think we could have stayed at home to watch some movies.

Marc: But it's lovely out here, especially the weather! Anyway, what are you doing?

Zoé: Oh I was just smelling some flowers, no biggie!

Nathaniel: Really, your cover in flowers and pollen.

Zoé: I was checking if flowers were okay and might I say, they are looking and smell lovely.

Marc: Oh okay. Well you want to come with us to the movies?

Zoé: Oh no thanks, I don’t be the third wheel on your date and don’t want to make things awkward when you two decide to make out in the movie theater. *she’s wink while MarcNath blushes*

Nathaniel: We better get going, bye Zoé.

Marc: See you at school, Zoé!

Zoé: See ya! *waves MarcNath goodbye as they walking* Well, time to go back to smell these lovely flowers!

Hope everyone has a good day and enjoy this post!

[casualmonarch]

What was Max and Amy’s first impressions of each other? And what drew them to talk to each other more after the first meeting to eventually becoming friends?

I still haven’t fully decided exactly how i want them to meet bc its always changing in my head but i do know how they feel about eachother!

Max is intimidated. Which maybe doesnt say a lot because most people intimidate him but its even worse with her because she is very much charismatic and outgoing, aka the opposite of him (and her being pretty doesnt help either!) But he also very much admires her from early on. it does get better though, she helps him relax and be more open and he gets to have conversations with someone without constantly being worried. He feels like hes being seen and heard in a genuine matter instead of her just pretending.

As for Amy, she wouldnt say it but shes very pessimistic when it comes to other people. She’ll usually assume the worst before the best. Nevertheless shes polite and tries to keep convesation going and, despite her pessimistic nature, quickly gets the feeling that wow. this guy really is. Just like that. Hes shy and awkward and kindhearted and seems to wear his heart on his sleeve even if its intentional or not. She finds this very intriguing (and dare i say cute sometimes) which prompts her to go out of her way to meet this strange librarian guy again.

Theyre two very different people but thats what draws them to eachother! Its very fun bc i think their opposing personalities can bounce off eachother in very fun ways even when its not romantic. They learn and get to grow as people and realise things about themselves. They bring our the best in eachother and i just think its neat :^)

[kidfoundonstreets]

okay uhm the scarf guy and the pigtsail guy from yttd . and charlotte and lime from wh. and uhhhhhhhhh anyone from cinderella game

head in hands HIAAIIEY HYEHEYEH HAII ROBIN <333!!! TAHNKYOU please know the opffer is pen for you anytime.. anywhere.. smooches your forehead okay so i like the pgistial and scarfie scarf guy because theyre so fcuked up ina ll of the ways. i like how they make me wanna throw up and shove my head inside a sewer while inhaling fanfiction of them like toxic gas. that aside the angst and to put it simply fucked up potential in their dynamic is what draws me to them, i enjoy how complex it could be - your abuser could love you but not in all the right ways, it could exist, shin and how they care about one another with the idealistic frankly obsessive posessive view midori has with him as well like the cut scene of him c rying over shin HELLOOO?? anyway theyre silly to me. guy who lives in your house is also your roomammte old friend bestie lover worst person you know etc jerk weird weird satrange weird. i could write a lot more if it was speciifc but im very bad with words sooaoaahahdhwh <3 oh and gore chalrtotoe and lime are also one of my fav dynamics yesss horrible yuri. chalrotte never wnating to give up on lime while lime has al;ready given up for any sort of proper undertsnaidng she craves bwteen them, heyre friends but one wants more while the other doesnt, it doesnt even have to eb romantic it just hurts because charlotte was all by herself or maybe just singled with the others apathy toward semotions so seeing lime full of emotion and passion and pain who could get chalrotte probably also ironically struck a chord in her - and shes always worried for her, like she might go too far, and when she does she just starts crying. thats the good shit. a hoepless ending a hopeless dynamic but they kiss sometimes in my brain to make it worse. perfect. that cinderlelal game ,, ,,,, !! oh god please dont stirke me here IM SO EMABRARSED i dont have any ships in that game so ill go on with that xoxoxoxoxooxox dorpelts one ive been playing ! i really like how with shiloh theres this fake "is this true is this not" with him, you never really know and thats what the fandom loves about him whcih i agree its an addicting type of thang, and even in the end its not completely clear. all we relaly get is that its sure at least that he does value jb at least a ltitle or see her as of value, as she does end up consistnetly vomplimented talked to and by his side through the end. he cant have a verison of hismelf that isnt manipulative, long gone, and you need to accept that. theyre awful divorce. i cant get enough of it. jbs overflowing confidence and shiloh right beside her like a dog with a knife, begging for any sort of scraps because hes a liar. a mnaipualtor. like jeoekr! or kokcichi . ezxcept hes actually good . can you imagine it. ironically hes probably the most untrustworthly one there becausre atleast the others say what theyre thinking. shiloh is a mixed bag and every word has at least a little bit of a truth and lie to it.

ut thats how they like eahcother and its fun interesting we arnet here for a long time we're here for a fun time for nate it givess a bit more of a genuine perspective, im not used to jb being comforitng or nice tbh lol. but its clear that they atleast fiteachother even if jb isnt the nicest one for him - i think shes the only one who can keep up with his intense moods and issues stacked on him and his rough exterior. hes honestly a pretty decent guy if you dont piss him off whcih is easy. closeness issues. commitment issues. nothing is ever stable issues. i get it bro. the thing with all of these dynamics in this game is that they do somehow in a hilariously awful way is complete eachother, i cant say if any of them will end well but its obvious that theres chemistry in all of their interactions and i love love love this game. anyway i also relaly liked how with nate you dont kiss him at all and instead get a hug at the ened, its nice compared to shiloh who just goes along with everything and how jb is pulled to his wants at times (while with shiloh shes the one ofc usually taking all of the lead while hes the jester) - i think it really digs in how much he trusts her to go that extreme and vomit-inducing lengths at the end because he wants their kiss to be perfect qnd it isnt perfect right now. but hes ready to keep going because of this stupid bitch (jb). and i find that super sweet

[vivaladicamillo]

hi, can you write a dico x fem!reader who is just like him. they are best friends but also a couple. they are always laughing & joking around, doing skits, having rap/roast battles, doing stunts, etc together. the others constantly teasing them about how they are same person and outsides would never be able to tell they are a couple.

that’s so fucking cheesy I’m so sorry AHHHH 😟

BRANDON DICAMILLO X FEM!READER

THANK U SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING THIS IM A LITERAL SUCKER FOR DICO AHHHH and trust me nothing is ever too cheesy when it comes to me, i fucking loves cheese little romantic things like this, especially for someone who acts just like him. this is fueling my crush for him more and more 🤭🤭🤭🤭

WARNINGS: none

—————————————

u always had a little crush on dico

come on the guys funny and cute whats more there to love??

when u guys finally got together though its like u guys were just best friends

i mean u two were together CONSTANTLY

the guys started to get suspicious

“dico are u banging her or are u too just friends?” -bam

everyone genuinely couldnt tell if you were dating or not, hell ur the spitting image of eachother personality wise

when u too finally tell the guys the teasing begins

constant “oohs” and “aaahs” when u two would show anytype of affection towards eachother

the guys finally having something to tease brandon abt was a huge win for them

it was all fun and jokes

at first

then it started to be annoying so you and dico get together and start scheming

then it hits you two

to get back at the guys u decide to give them all their own little “hell days”

for bam u definitely wash all of his skateboards with soap and water on the grip side, hide some of his him cds, maybe even take the lambo out for a spin (for hours without telling him) u guys also fuck up his favorite shirts just for the hell of it

with ryan he really never picked on u guys a lot but just to make it equal u guys just do little psychological pranks on him, yk the whoopie cushion, fake shock gum, corny shit like that

with raab, dico and u probably just smack him in the face throughout the whole day, maybe take key key with u for a joy ride just to scare him a bit or burn his favorite beanie

oh god rake gets it the worst

being dicos best friend and all he made fun of yall CONSTANTLY ( prob to get back at dico for always bullying him)

dicos gonna get ruthless

woo de wolf impression all day, gay jokes upon gay jokes, probably tries to cut his hair and to top the day off, a gallon of yellow mustard on rakes head (DICO U BETTER RUN BITCH)

dico really wants to do rakes hell day by himself bc he loves fucking with him

you guys will get the nickname “diablos” (the devils twins) after all this

he probably is gonna get murdered for doing all this but hey nobody can stay mad at dico

hes too cute fr

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BONUS HEADCANONS BC I DIDNT KNOW WHERE TO PUT THESE!

will put u in his homemade video projects

imagine cudding with him while u too just crack jokes and hold eachother

WATCHING OLD TIMEY WESTERN MOVIES WITH HIM

“hey babe ive been working on this impression and i need your opinion on it”

you will try and kick his ass at mortal combat, and ultimately fail “they dont call me the record holder for nothing babe”

BUY HIM ACTION FIGURES HE WILL LOVE U FOREVER

does like to take u out on sappy romantic dates sometimes but also just likes to hang out with u, just ur presence alone calms him

his his nose and watch his fave turn red ‼️

ROAST BATTLES TO THE MAX, put on a beat and you two will go at it for hours, constant back and forth of you guys dissing eachother then having it turn oddly sexual then having it turn into roasting rake then back to the beginning again

putting on masters of the universe and cuddling to sleep 😩

—————————————

HOPE YOU ENJOYED!! i have no clue if u wanted a actual fic or not but im shit at writing so this is the best i got, and im not turning down this idea bc it makes me giggle and get all giddy tbh 🤭🤭🤭

[jetwhenitsmidnight]

Silver Under Nightfall by Rin Chupeco

Genre: gothic fantasy romance

If you like: polyam romance, vampire hunter x vampire(s), enemies to lovers, angst, Castlevania(idk what this is but apparently they are similar), Gideon the Ninth's sense of humour

Content warnings: blood, violence, (past) statutory rape, sexual coercion, body horror, semi-explicit sexual content(they get it on a lot, but there's no description of genitals and its mostly skimmed over)

Overall rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫/5

Synopsis

Remy Pendergast is many things: the only son of the Duke of Valenbonne, an elite bounty hunter of rogue vampires, and an outcast among his fellow Reapers. Though the kingdom of Aluria barely tolerates him, Remy’s father has been shaping him into a weapon to fight for the kingdom at any cost.

When a terrifying new breed of vampire is sighted outside of the city, Remy prepares to investigate alone. But then he encounters the shockingly warmhearted vampire heiress Xiaodan Song and her infuriatingly arrogant fiancé, vampire lord Zidan Malekh, who may hold the key to defeating the creatures. When he’s offered a spot alongside them to find the truth about the mutating virus Rot that’s plaguing the kingdom, Remy faces a choice—one he’s certain he’ll regret.

But as the three face dangerous hardships during their journey, Remy develops fond and complicated feelings for the couple. He begins to question what he holds true about vampires, as well as the story behind his own family legacy. As the Rot continues to spread across the kingdom, Remy must decide where his loyalties lie: with his father and the kingdom he’s been trained all his life to defend or the vampires who might just be the death of him.

Review

I genuinely can't remember the last time I had this much fun reading!

This book starts off with a whole fight scene, which was so brilliantly executed. Not just because it was cool as hell, but also because it introduces Remy in such a way that readers can get a sense of who his character is and his place in the story right off the bat. His ostracization from most of his fellow humans, his position and reputation as a Reaper; as well as his character: his determination to do what's right, his kindness, his stubbornness and impulsivity.

And I love how Remy's first meetings with each of his love interests perfectly sets up the dynamic for their relationship. Like, Remy and Malekh fighting from the very first time they meet, with Malekh goading him and Remy refusing to back down + Remy's immediate acceptance of Xiaodan and their easy banter, establishes the tone of their relationship from the jump, which is maintained throughout the book, while still allowing them to grow closer as they learn more about each other.

Remy also serves as an excellent narrator. Although he's slower on the uptake than Xiaodan and Malekh, he's still observant and intelligent, and has a snarky sense of humour, never failing to snark at the worst possible moments.

The action scenes were all so fun, and I think the way Remy holds his own against the stronger and faster vampires makes sense. Also the sex scenes ate (sometimes literally lmao).

I have a few nitpicks that keeps this book from being perfect for me, which aren't a problems, its just my personal tastes. I couldn't completely get behind Malekh, because I don't really enjoy brood-y, super-serious, edgy type characters. Which, he has good reasons for being so, given his backstory, but some of his lines which were probably meant to come off as cool and sexy, made me scoff a little and take him less seriously. Other people would probably find him appealing, this is really just a case of "its not you, its me".

Another thing that took me out of the story was some of the names. I mentioned it here, and I do think its fun, but it removed me from the narrative a bit. Singing Waters is a cool-sounding name in english, but Changge Shui in mandarin sounds kind of dumb, and being named Yingyue would get you made fun of by Chinese people.

[ibijau]

A song for the broken-hearted pt4 / on AO3

Even his worst enemies had to grant it to him, Jin Guangyao knew how to throw a party. Of course people used to say the same about Jin Guangshan or Wen Ruohan, and even sometimes about Jiang Fengmian (or rather, about his wife), but Jin Guangyao was a level above any of them. The food was always exquisite, with enough variety that all guests could find something to please their palate and accommodate their diet. The wine was of excellent quality, in sufficient quantity for everyone present to have their fill, but never so strong that people might easily get dangerously drunk and ruin everyone’s fun. Musicians were hired and other performers as well, but not the occasionally vulgar dancers that Jin Guangshan had so loved and who often ended up the night in bed with guests. Sometimes games were suggested, friendly competitions, but never the sort of large scale contests the Wens had been so fond of forcing upon them. 

This time, the party had been organised to celebrate Qin Su’s birthday. But of course that was little more than an excuse to reconcile with those sect leaders who still opposed the watchtower project, and everyone knew it. Nie Huaisang could only wonder how she must have felt upon seeing that her husband had invited some of his fiercest political enemies to her birthday celebration. 

Perhaps she was fine with it. She might even have suggested it, always so determined to help her husband and see him well liked by everyone. Truth be told, Nie Huaisang just didn’t understand that woman, though he liked her, and even admired her a little. She’d had the courage to do what he hadn’t. She’d fought fiercely for a marriage her entire family opposed, never giving up until she got to stand by the side of the man she loved.

Well, Nie Huaisang used to admire her.

These days, he pitied her, and wished she had been a little less determined, for her own sake and that of her son, who would have to live his life bearing the sins of his parents.

Anyway, it was a nice party. One which would surely have been perfect, if only Nie Huaisang hadn’t planned on getting very drunk soon, trusting himself to make a mess of things once he’d had enough wine (and enough of the much stronger kaoliang he'd smuggled in). His natural tendency toward being a very sad drunk had been annoying when he’d been young, but he’d learned to make the best of it as years passed and his sadness had found its use. It always made it difficult for others to have fun when he was bawling his eyes out nearby.

Before he could get drunk, though, Nie Huaisang absolutely wanted to see Jin Rusong and have a clear headed conversation with the boy, something he knew would be the highlight of his day. Dear little Rusong was his nephew, even now, even after everything, and he was the only person bearing the last name Jin whom Nie Huaisang didn’t utterly despise. More than that, he loved the little boy, who was sweet, curious, polite, and easily impressed by the wild stories Nie Huaisang told him. Jin Rusong might just be the last person in the world to genuinely like Nie Huaisang. 

It took some effort to find little Rusong. With so much happening, so many guests around, the child had managed to escape the care of his nurse (he often did lately; Nie Huaisang didn't much like this new nurse who was so careless, and hoped Jin Guangyao would soon fire her, as he'd done all the previous ones). And since he was such a clever little boy, perfectly aware that he wasn't supposed to wander on his own, little Rusong was doing a great job of staying out of sight. Thankfully Jin Ling (who had recently gotten his spiritual dog after months of tantrums, because Nie Huaisang had managed to plant the idea after all) told Nie Huaisang that he’d seen his cousin trotting away toward the kitchens, probably to see if someone might be tricked into feeding him something he wasn't allowed to have. Nie Huaisang had thanked Jin Ling as formally as he would have done an adult, knowing it was the best way to ensure the little boy would continue informing on others if asked, and resumed his quest for his darling nephew.

Just as Jin Ling had said, Nie Huaisang found Jin Rusong on one of the hidden paths to the kitchens that the servants used to move without making themselves seen by their masters. But to Nie Huaisang’s great inconvenience, the child wasn’t alone. Lan Xichen was there as well, kneeling on the ground, holding Jin Rusong in his arms. Annoyed to be in the presence of the other man, Nie Huaisang didn’t notice at first how pale Lan Xichen was, how his hands trembled as he checked for Jin Rusong’s pulse who laid too limp in his uncle’s lap. Nie Huaisang only thought of his own unhappiness until Lan Xichen noticed his presence and turned to him. Lan Xichen whose expression showed none of the usual displeasure at the sight of the man who had broken his heart, but instead only sheer terror.

“He’s not breathing,” Lan Xichen said in a wavering voice. “I don’t know why. He’d gone to the kitchens, I found him there and I was bringing him back, but he started feeling unwell and… He’s not breathing.”

Forgetting about their mutual dislike, Nie Huaisang rushed to Lan Xichen’s side. Now that he was paying attention, Jin Rusong was clearly unconscious, his lips turning a concerning shade of blue, his skin colder than it should have been.

“Did he choke on something?” Nie Huaisang asked, squeezing the little boy’s cheek to make him open his mouth.

“He told me someone gave him a candy,” Lan Xichen whispered, his voice wavering. “But he’d already finished it by the time I found him. Huaisang, you need to go get help. I’ll stay with him, so…”

“He’ll be dead before I can bring someone here,” Nie Huaisang retorted without thinking, too focused on Jin Rusong to really care that Lan Xichen flinched. “I’ll try something. Nothing to lose, I suppose.”

Without waiting for Lan Xichen’s answer, Nie Huaisang took a small flask from inside his sleeve, and quickly poured its content into Jin Rusong’s throat, before lifting the child’s chest to help him swallow it. Unsure if it would make things better or worse, he rubbed the little boy’s back, hoping it would help.

It had to help.

“What did you give him?” Lan Xichen asked.

“Antidote,” Nie Huaisang dryly replied. Then, realising what he’d said, and how odd it might be for him to have such a thing on him at a party, he tensed and looked up at a shocked Lan Xichen. “Ah, it’s because… I know I’m not very popular and… just in case, right? I thought, just in case… and, well, since SongSong is like this…”

“You thought someone might have poisoned a child?” Lan Xichen asked, just a hint of anger in his voice. 

Whether it was anger at Nie Huaisang for daring to consider something so cruel, or at whoever might have attacked their nephew, it was hard to say. Before Lan Xichen could clarify things one way or the other, Jin Rusong started gasping and coughing in his arms. As his body got more and more hair back in his lungs, the little boy broke into sobs, whimpering in pain. Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen both tried to soothe him, whispering how brave he was and how much they loved him, but he wouldn’t stop crying and when his voice returned, he only begged for his mother and father.

“I’ll go get them,” Nie Huaisang offered, getting on his feet. After a moment of hesitation, he bent down and placed the now empty flask of antidote in one of Lan Xichen’s hands. “Er-ge, for everyone’s convenience… would you mind telling others that you’re the one who gave it to him?”

Lan Xichen gave him a puzzled look. “If you had tried this and it didn’t work, I would understand why you’d want to hide it. But your quick thinking just saved Rusong’s life, Huaisang. You should be proud of yourself. A-Yao will be grateful to you. I am grateful to you.”

“But I don’t want others to know I’m scared of poison and have taken precautions against it,” Nie Huaisang muttered, which wasn’t even a lie. “If I have enemies, it would encourage them to find some other ways… and anyway it’d be upsetting for San-ge to owe anything to me. A debt to someone like me is a dishonour to whoever has contracted it. But if it’s you, debts like that are fine. You’re his friend, you’re Zewu-Jun, he won’t mind at all if he owes you his son’s life. So please, please…”

“Fine then,” Lan Xichen sighed, his usual frustration creeping in. “I’ll take credit for this if you insist, even if I don’t like it. Now… now go fetch A-Yao and Jin-furen.”

Although unsure he could really trust Lan Xichen to lie for his sake, Nie Huaisang had no choice but to run off and do as he was told. 

Naturally Jin Guangyao and Qin Su were horrified to find out that their son had become unwell, and demanded to be led to him immediately. Nie Huaisang obliged, and as they all hurried toward Lan Xichen he had to answer all their questions, explaining that he didn’t know how the little boy had become sick, nor even how unwell he was. He didn’t know anything at all, except that he’d stumbled upon Lan Xichen while wandering around, and Lan Xichen had ordered him to go get other people. He didn’t know anything else, he simply didn’t, but he could tell that Jin Rusong had looked quite bad, but for the rest he just didn’t know, he had no idea, they would need to ask Lan Xichen.

By the time they all reached Lan Xichen and Jin Ruson, the two of them looked better than when Nie Huaisang had left them. Jin Rusong was only crying a little, looking more shocked than in pain by then, while Lan Xichen had recovered enough to lie calmly as he explained that he’d given the little boy an antidote he carried with him for such emergencies. And while Qin Su fussed over her son, Nie Huaisang took the chance to observe the crowd that had followed them, trying to notice signs of guilt in anyone.

He thought he did see such traces in at least one person, and that soured his mood enough that he couldn’t even bear to stay near everyone for a moment longer. While they all tried to ask Lan Xichen and Jin Rusong for details, Nie Huaisang made his escape, returning to the banquet hall to inform everyone still there that Jin Rusong was well after all.

Before very long, the news of Jin Rusong being well was confirmed, though it was announced as well that the child’s sickness had been provoked. After interrogating both the little boy and the servants, the Jins had found that the person who had given Jin Rusong a candy had not been part of the household, though he had been wearing the robes of a disciple. Jin Rusong had nearly died of an attempted poisoning, and Jin Guangyao swore he would find whoever had targeted his innocent son in retaliation for his political choices. He would make sure they paid for it, he swore, and though no one mentioned them by name, those sect leaders who had most opposed Jin Guangyao’s watchtower project remained uneasy for the rest of the day.

Nie Huaisang couldn’t blame them. He would have bet his entire fan collection that the assassin would end up linked to one of them, who would promptly die for his supposed crime, serving as a warning for others. Since Jin Rusong had survived, the rest of that unfortunate sect might not be slaughtered alongside their leader… unless Jin Rusong turned out to have been more affected by the poison than initially believed and still died in the coming days, or if another murderer tried his chance and proved luckier. It wouldn’t have surprised Nie Huaisang. Not now that he knew Jin Guangyao had no qualm sacrificing his own son. Having resolved to kill the child once, he probably would find it easy to make that decision again as circumstances required.

With those gloomy thoughts for only company, Nie Huaisang lingered in the hall where the party ought to have been held. Most of the other guests had already left, knowing it would be in poor taste to still expect entertainment for some, fearing their prolonged presence might be taken as a sign of guilt for others. Nie Huaisang himself ought to have said his goodbye and headed home, but he couldn’t find the strength for it. A terrible fear had been haunting him since the incident earlier that day, a nervous certainty that he would never see Jin Rusong alive again, and in reaction he refused to let that day end, as if that might prolong his nephew’s life somehow.

He was sitting alone, blind to the ballet of servants cleaning up around him, holding a cup of wine he couldn’t bring himself to drink, when Lan Xichen found him and sat down with him. After years of Lan Xichen only seeking him out to scold him, Nie Huaisang instinctively braced himself for another unpleasant interaction, the only way to end an excruciating day. But Lan Xichen, for once, didn’t chastise him.

“Rusong is better now,” he said instead. “The Jin doctors have inspected him and they say he might be a little tired for a few weeks, but other than that they don’t expect any sequels.”

“That’s a relief,” Nie Huaisang whispered, though he felt little relieved himself, knowing that his nephew’s greatest enemy could make another attempt on him any time he pleased. Children were fragile, and with already one murder attempt…

“Jin furen and him will probably go stay with Qin zongzhu for a while,” Lan Xichen said. “Qin zongzhy insisted. Laoling’s air will be better for his recovery, and since the Qin sect is smaller, it will be harder for assassins to infiltrate it.”

“Oh, good,” Nie Huaisang mumbled, half slumping over the table.

Now he could feel true relief. Qin Cangye had little love for his son-in-law and was unlikely to help him murder the only son of his beloved daughter. There could be no safer place for Jin Rusong than Laoling, short of Nie Huaisang kidnapping him and hiding him in Qinghe… something more tempting than it should have been.

“You saved his life,” Lan Xichen said after a moment of silence.

“Pure luck,” Nie Huaisang replied, starting to eye his cup of wine again. Maybe he could actually drink it, now that he didn’t have to fear he’d do something stupid to protect Jin Rusong.

Another long silence followed. Nie Huaisang tore his eyes from the wine, and found Lan Xichen staring at him. His expression was not a happy one, but for once it wasn’t angry either.

“I don’t think it was simply luck,” Lan Xichen insisted after a while. “You understood the situation quicker than I did, you realised it might have been poison, and then you had the wits to act in response to that. You saved him, and yet you won’t even take credit for it.”

“It really was only luck. You… you didn’t tell anyone that I helped, right?” Nie Huaisang urgently whispered. “You said you wouldn’t…”

“I did as you asked,” Lan Xichen replied with a faint grimace. “But I did not like it. People’s opinion of you would have changed if they’d known about this. Your reputation would have been improved…”

“Assuming anyone believed it. Everyone knows I’m an incompetent idiot, Er-ge. Even you know it. I’m a good-for-nothing, ridiculous, stupid head-shaker, and if you hadn’t been there, you wouldn’t have believed I helped either.”

Lan Xichen frowned, getting a little closer to his usual expression of disapproval. Nie Huaisang found that almost comforting, in a twisted way. If even Lan Xichen could be brought to doubt that moment of cleverness and competency…

“You are not stupid,” Lan Xichen said. “You have never been stupid. Even Shufu has never found fault in your intelligence.”

“Then I’m clever, but lacking in willpower and work ethic,” Nie Huaisang retorted. “It might be worse, really.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“But it’s what you’re thinking. It’s what everyone’s thinking. I’m the worst leader Qinghe Nie has ever had, and it’s not even because I’m too stupid to do better, it’s because I can’t be bothered.”

Lan Xichen’s expression darkened, just as Nie Huaisang hoped. It was not something pleasant, but if he could turn this conversation on Jin Rusong’s survival into another argument about his skill as sect leader, Lan Xichen would forget that glimpse of his real skill, and he’d be safe again.

But Lan Xichen didn’t take the bait and if anything, his face soon turned sad rather than angry.

“Even after all these years, you’re still upset about becoming sect leader?”

“I wouldn’t say I’m upset,” Nie Huaisang replied, running one finger along the edge of his cup of wine, still desperately wishing he could drink it. “But I know everyone else is. It’s not very pleasant. But then again, you’d know better than most that everything I do always ends up upsetting people anyway.”

Again Lan Xichen wouldn’t get angry at this hint toward their shared past.

“You did not want to become sect leader,” he recalled. “Even while Da-ge still lived, even when he was still healthy, you were always impatient for him to get married and have children. Knowing that I still insisted on you rising to power after his death, even when I knew how unpleasant it would be… for this, I’m sorry.”

Nie Huaisang looked up from his wine, unsure what to make of that apology. In the last few years, ever since the breaking of their engagement, he’d been the one making a thousand apologies every time Lan Xichen had to deal with him. To hear the words mirrored felt wrong somehow.

"It's not just you,” Nie Huaisang said with a weak laugh. “San-ge too was pushing me, even more than you…" 

Lan Xichen nodded slowly. "A-Yao called me to convince you because he knew you'd listen to me, out of guilt if nothing else. I knew it too, just as I knew how painful it would be for you to take your brother’s place. And still I helped him, while knowing better than he did how much it might hurt you. So if you were pushed to this, I carry the blame more than him."

A sharp pain stabbed through Nie Huaisang’s heart at that confession. In all the time that had passed, it had never occurred to him that Jin Guangyao might have willingly used his lingering feelings for Lan Xichen against him, when he’d always berated him for having such feelings in the first place. But at least it was in character for Jin Guangyao to have done such a thing. For Lan Xichen to have played along, knowing that Nie Huaisang couldn’t resist him even if he hadn’t known the true reason why…

“I am not proud of myself for that,” Lan Xichen said, guessing his thoughts. “I had many reasons to act that way, none of which I could admit to without shame. No matter how bad things have become between us, I should not have treated you that way.”

Nie Huaisang shrugged, unsure what to say. He wished Lan Xichen hadn’t told him that, that he didn’t have to live with the knowledge he’d hurt Lan Xichen so deeply that the other man had sought revenge in his own manner.

"With this said, you have not done a bad job of things," Lan Xichen added with a warmth that hadn't been directed at Nie Huaisang in years. "You struggle, and you cry, and you pester A-Yao for help, but you've never given up, have you? I know I've been hard on you most of the time, but I'm impressed that you are still trying your best, even when it is so painful for you." 

"I'm just doing it for da-ge," Nie Huaisang mumbled, the threat of tears prickling his eyes. “It’s what he wanted. It’s the only reason I’m doing it.”

“I know. I think he would be proud of you too, for trying so hard. All he’s ever wanted was for you to do your best. And… I hope you do not hate me too much for forcing you to do it.”

“Er-ge, considering how much you hate me, why would you care how I feel about you?”

That statement appeared to startle Lan Xichen. He did not reply immediately, as if needing to think about it, but the longer he remained silent, the sadder he looked.

“I’ve been very angry at you, for a very long time,” he said at last. “Angrier than I thought I was capable of. And I’ve felt hurt, and disappointed, yes. Sad to have lost a dear friend, as well. But I don’t think I’ve ever hated you, no.”

“I don’t hate you either,” Nie Huaisang blurted, surprised to find that he meant it. His feelings mirrored Lan Xichen, if anything. He was angry and disappointed that Lan Xichen had chosen to side so much with Jin Guangyao, desperately sad that he’d lost one of his few friends, and he was hurt at how easily Lan Xichen had believed that Nie Huaisang didn’t love him anymore back then, when for the years that had followed Nie Huaisang had felt as though his suddenly one-sided affection would choke him more efficiently than any poison.

Maybe it still did. It wasn’t something he wanted to think too much about, and usually it was easy enough to ignore it because Lan Xichen couldn’t be around him without showing his dislike. But now that Lan Xichen was speaking to him with the same gentleness he used to have, now that Lan Xichen looked worried to have his good opinion, Nie Huaisang felt the barriers he’d carefully built around his heart start to crumble.

It’d be a terrible mistake to still be in love with Lan Xichen. But if he received the slightest bit of encouragement, Nie Huaisang knew his weak heart would betray him without hesitation.

“Do you think we could be friends again, then?” Nie Huaisang heard himself ask.

Lan Xichen’s eyebrows rose at the question, as if he hadn’t expected it, but surprise soon melted into a warm smile too similar to those he used to have, back when Nie Huaisang still believed in happiness.

“I wouldn’t mind that,” Lan Xichen said. “If that’s something you want as well.”

Before Lan Xichen was done speaking, Nie Huaisang was already nodding, his heart thumping in his chest.

“Then write to me sometimes,” Lan Xichen said, smiling so gently that if Nie Huaisang had been cured of his old love, he’d have fallen for him all over again. “I used to like getting letters from you. And perhaps in time, I could come visit you in Qinghe. I haven’t been there in so long, I think I would like to see the Unclean Realm again.”

Nie Huaisang eagerly promised that he would write, and they tried to chat a little after that about what season was best to visit the Unclean Realm. Before long though, people came looking for Lan Xichen and he had to leave, though not before reminding Nie Huaisang to write.

Alone again, Nie Huaisang finally drank his cup of wine. He should have left too, his disciples were waiting for him somewhere, and the Jins must have been impatient to be rid of all their guests so they could move on from this eventful day. Nie Huaisang wanted to leave. And yet the shock of this unexpected offer of reconciliation had him frozen in place, especially now that Lan Xichen wasn’t around anymore to muddle his thoughts. It could only bring trouble if they were to become friends again. Any renewed closeness between them would surely attract Jin Guangyao’s attention, putting Nie Huaisang at heightened risk of discovery, making it harder to give his brother the revenge he deserved. It would be stupid of Nie Huaisang to let his feelings get in the way of his duty.

But he’d never been very clever anyway, had he?