#and some will very much not be
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okay but there is something disquieting about this urge to cast fan writers as altruists. they give us all this for free!! well, no.
they’re sharing
it’s a key difference in perception. fic isn’t given. it’s shared. it’s part of a fandom community— in which readers are also an integral part.
it’s probably inevitable mission creep from the increasingly transactional nature of the internet and fandom-as-consumerism, which was always gonna happen after corps worked out how much bank there is to make from those weirdo fan people
but like. fandom is sharing. i think we’ve lost that somewhere.
#idk if this is true of fan artists so much#it’s not something i have experience in#but i see that fan artists can put a £€price on their work and i think that negates some of this#(while surely creating other issues)#but very much speaking from the outside!#fandom#i’m just very old and tired
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asking people to be mindful of others when sharing a communal space (especially one you cannot just up and leave from) is not selfish or misanthropic. come on now
#like we are human beings who have to coexist. i don’t think it should be so much to ask for some courtesy#but some of you guys act like being asked to be civil to the people around you is like being asked to sever a body part#idk it’s just a respect thing. i’m not being very coherent right now but we have to act like we can share communal spaces!#abandon ethical egoism please 🙏
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Finally now that the comic is fully public on comicfury, I get to share it with all of you here, too <3
If you enjoyed, please consider supporting by buying a PDF of the comic on itch.io: https://tawnysoup.itch.io/home-in-the-woods
#I'd rather not clutter the caption so I'll ramble a little in the tags#HitW is short but special to me as it represents and encapsulates some hard life experiences I was going through at the time of its creatio#Ofc in a more metaphorical manner! but. I have been very much enjoying reading people's comments and speculation as its been posting#the interpretations are so meaningful and varied and i love that and really want to encourage anyone to reflect on what it means to them#for me making this comic was a way to process and move past trauma. i feel like it ends anti-climactically but i wanted to be true to#where i thought things were actually going in my life moreso than to veer towards impact. ultimately im glad i managed to finish it#and for it to finish going public right before the new year? maybe i can see this as shedding that old pain in time to become something new#so thank you for reading for supporting and for still being here. lets wake up to 2025 with wind in our sails#Home in the Woods#my art#my comics#original comic#cw guns#cw blood#cw body horror
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oh, hello! i haven't seen anyone else in forever, are you lost? it's getting late, do you need somewhere to stay the night? i can show you to my house, we can be friends!
i recommend checking out this (very long) thread of people analysing the piece and my own commentary! this piece is also part of a series, you can find the rest in this tag — and you can see the analysis full threads under this tag!
#and you existed in the universe as everything else#minecraft art#minecraft#herobrine#herobrine art#artnomalous#i have so much to say about this piece but since people got a lot of the smaller details on the end piece#i'll leave it unsaid for now#but there's a lot of details here that are very specific and very intentional#maybe if someone pokes me enough they can get some artist commentary about this piece
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Finally caught up with Apothecary Diaries. I can't believe they gave Maomao a gun.
#the apothecary diaries#maomao#jinshi#I started watching back from the beginning and oh man...this series is a delight.#Maomao is one of my favourite protagonists for the fact she is a unique mystery lover who also loves to stay in her own lane.#She's here to solve the 'how' of the mystery but the who? Not her problem and not her job.#No crazy leaps in logic. Just a girl who loves her posions and puzzles.#I want to say so much more about this series but It really is best enjoyed as something to discover on your own! It's a mystery after all!#I want to draw some crossover art for this series so badly...Perhaps...perhaps...#This dehydration story comes from my own life - in which my flatmates have a running bit about calling sport drinks 'potions'.#This was very relevant when I was suffering from dehydration (low sodium intake + over drinking lead to a very bad time).#That's right. You can dehydrate via drinking too much water. Low sodium and low potassium can make you very ill as well.#Sometimes what you need is someone aggressively reminding you to add salt to your dishes and drink your goddamn potion.
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SOTM Tiger rock reminds me of Golden Freddy,,
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#fnaf cassidy#david murray#dave afton#evan afton#sotm#secret of the mimic#fnaf 4#tiger rock#golden freddy#fredbear#like tiger rock reminds me of golden Freddy so much#it’s actually cool to see a haunted entity in the 3D games#like the whole Murray manor is VERY haunted#if you stand around you’ll hear child giggling or see lights flicker#it’s actually very cool and very creepy#so I’m sure David is in some way haunting Tiger rock#I don’t think the mimic is him or Fiona just approximations of em#Cassidy is shocked to see there’s two of them BAHAH#I wanna believe they’d be friends..
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More Stowaway AU
Pacifica dynamics with each Grunkle. Happy late Father’s Day and birthday to the grunks!
#Pacifica Northwest#Stanley Pines#Stanford Pines#Stan Pines#Gravity Falls#Stowaway AU#my art#doodles#there’s much more lovecraftian ass monsters and pirate specters than I’ve depicted I just really like making jokes about the dynamics#i love Paz and Stan beefing but like now it’s with love#Ford and Pacifica though that was a surprising discovery bc before I’d always have their relationship as positive neutral#maybe Paz a little tinyyyy bit scared of him bc he is Dipper coded but once he finds out about her paranormal connections he might#unintentionally treat her more science experiment and anomaly more than like a person which is very NOT a Dipper thing so Paz is freaked#but like in the Stowaway AU ok some of that happens but I think the more Ford gets to know her as a bullheaded but intelligent kid who’s#eager to impress he sees a bit of himself AND his brother within her personality and she’s had to go through so much shit but she’s still#here and talking her shit and she’s surprisingly interested in history and so intuitive and REALLY into paranormal shit like even if its not#all the cryptid and science shit he likes they find something to really bond over#and then everything else is just like hey! this kid is cool#and then in the middle of the night one day he’s like ‘Stanley I think I’m ready to be a father.’ and Stan goes BWUH?????
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despite everything, it’s still you
#kcd2#kingdom come deliverance#kingdom come deliverance 2#henry of skalitz#kcd2 fanart#my art#PHEW#THIS WAS A BIG ONE#15 hours…………..#guys i am so endeared to henry of skalitz. i will now protect him with my life#ik these games only take place over a few months but henry changes so much… my little pumpkin#my meow meow#all grown up#also i rly put some elbow grease into the details in this one i’m very proud of it!!! hope u enjoy!!!
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did this as a quick scribble at like 1 AM last night and...immediately lost all motivation to ever clean it up. ( ᐛ ) but I had to draw my son being the fanciest little flower boy who ever threw petals down an aisle. oh my god.
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#eternity float#eternity float of the coral sea#surprise! my art actually CAN look worse!#but i just love these fancy lads so much#like i was initially kinda 'CORAL S -- aw no merforms? :('#but i figure they're probably saving a proper underwater event for azul so whatever it's time for HYPE#especially because it looks like it might be WEDDING-THEMED(!!!)#and/or kiss the girl(!!!!!!!)#and honestly for both of those jade is actually the funniest possible ssr choice#sorry leona we found the one event that...no he would still be hilarious. dangit.#honestly though these are top-tier choices all around#if i was going to walk around a beach while jade talks endlessly at me about the legend of the mermaid princess with big sleeves#i could ask for nothing better than riddle malleus and rook to be standing there tossing flower petals at me the whole time#i know it's probably all ~algorithm-based~ or whatever they have that tells them what characters to use#but there is legit a little something i think in doing a kiss the girl theme with those three#the three guys who have some of the most trouble properly expressing themselves#and also jade who i assume just thinks they're all prime sources for hilarity#he will 100% be looking for opportunities to 'accidentally' push someone overboard#bonus points if there's a very fancy cake that they can fall into on the way down#i don't know anything about what the story will be yet but i know that much is true
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Muse // 心上人
(no reposts; reblogs appreciated)
#haha you thought i was done (i was compelled to draw hc with earrings at least once)#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#fanart#tian guan ci fu#tgcf#heaven official's blessing#天官赐福#hualian#there are so many lovely arts out there of hc painting xl in his martial god form#but i haven't seen one of him painting xl just as he is yet#that said i ironically dont like this piece very much…#it was super experimental bc i was messing around w my first diy procreate brush (!)#procreate app ily but the brushes simply cannot compare to some of the other programs out there#anyway#i just have this nagging feeling that smth is missing#honestly it might just be art insecurities flaring up#namely because#tgcf artists are crazy talented!!#and the official art is freaking gorgeous#man#ik i've been reading too much fic when i can hear xl's voice gentle parenting my negativity away LOL#k i'll admit i do like the complementary colors i used#and also the flowy ribbons
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Akatsuki's youngest members y'all
#itachi uchiha#hidan#deidara#naruto#naruto fanart#akatsuki#doodles#i had other stuff to draw and i still drew this last night bc even if i don't like itachi as much as i like the others#i still like to draw him#save his poor ass he always gets peer pressured to do some stupid shit#if there's anything else that needs to be tagged TELL ME PLEASE#local stupid (me) discovers it's very easy to draw deidara bc i dont have to draw the other eye#tw: slurs#as a caution#narutito
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subject, specimen, spectacle;
should i say that you're dead?
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#jjk satoru#satoru gojo#gojo#bugs/#insects/#eye horror/#every time i post gojo art i feel scummy using like . the slew of tags this mf has#im like wow u look desperate gdfjkdjkg#listen ok im not a gojomain idk where people look fr content#anyway for not a gojomain i sure do have a lot of artistic breakthroughs whenever i draw him#first th eyedoves then lmhs gojo then gojo in the (club) bathroom by himself now this#loathe as i am to admit it i Love how much there is to pick apart of him in art theres so much theres so many angles u cld take#personally my favourite gojo angle in art (tm) is the Cryptically Unsettling Not Sane Not Human what can i say#keep ur thirst trap gojoart i like this guy unblinking and twitchy#on that note here he is pinned down as god intended#i ATE w this concept i fear fgfgsd i wanted a like. pallid formaldehyde dissection table under examination motif#and i was torn between using snakes or bugs to convey it and im SO SOOSOSOO happy i picked the bugs#ive used butterflies a lot they arent anything unfamiliar but truly i felt a chakra unlock when i thought of gojo+butterfly pinning#the burning light the eye the composition i rly think this is some of my best work#also also th poem was smth i came across when i was brainstorming captions and i ws like. gagged @ how well it fit gojo i had to include it#im not a poetry buff so my opinion is very uneducated but i think it was rly haunting and sad and beautiful#fit my target vibe so i took it slapped it on gojo w bugs said thank you verymuch smile :)
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my hands still remember
#my other favourite flavour of them: sad#i think they're both very tragic in different ways#it's like one of them has too much of a past while the other has nothing#i like to imagine that some days stelle feels a bit uncomfortable with how many “human” experiences#are ones that she cannot relate to#she wasn't created for it in the first place.#honkai star rail#hsr#stelle#aventurine#avenstelle#fanart#digital#my art
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Leblanc!Jayce & Mel
I was going through Arcane frame by frame and found these. Had fun drawing.
Fun fact (not): Everyone whose form Leblanc was taking are dead.
#leblanc#mel medarda#jayce talis#kind of#meljay#also kind of#they're my atypical ship#neither romantic nor endgame but very much there and fun to explore#also i don't actually know if this is sth leblanc would say but i like to imagine#what do actual mages think of hextech and its fathers?#sth funny to think of: a pair of unhinged scientists dooms your world in ways some mages who were actually trying to do it couldn't#my art#arcane
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Cartoons and Cereal
AKA "Dick Grayson adopts recently de-aged Danny Nightingale. He doesn't anticipate Danny being a little... not entirely human." Prompt idea! Might be a multi-part series. :)
Dick never thought he'd be a parent at the age of 22 but the moment he saw Danny's feral little snarling face at the Bludhaven precinct, it's like he turned into Bruce Wayne. In more ways than one. Dick vividly remembers giving Bruce a heart attack by jumping from the manor's upper balcony onto the chandelier, how he cackled in glee at Bruce wide-eyed expression of terror. Watching Danny float off the couch and then drop in mid-air probably has Dick making the same expression as Bruce in that moment.
The frying pan clatters to the stovetop, pancakes flopping out, as Dick swings over the kitchen island and flings himself over the sofa - just in time to catch Danny before he brains himself on the coffee table. Dick doesn't catch himself before he releases a loud, terrified and relieved, "Fuck!" Danny immediately gasps and loudly proclaims sw'ar jar, sw'ar jar!
"I know, bud. I-," Dick squeezes Danny to his chest. His heart is still beating unbelievably fast and his palms are sweating. "Just give me a minute, okay, buddy?" This has to be some kind of revenge for all the stuff he put Bruce through as a kid. Danny squirms as Dick thinks about the next steps: obviously, he has to test for the meta gene, register with the state, and maybe get in touch with Clark about teaching Danny how to control his flying ability. But Clark will tell Bruce and Dick hasn't even told Bruce-
Danny bites him. Dick yelps, dropping the kid onto his sofa again, and thinks this is definitely payback as Danny cackles. Danny reaches his arms up and grins with a menacing little twinkle in his eye that definitely means pick me up so I can bite you again. Dick resists despite how cute (and terrifying) his kid looks. Then, he smells something burning. Specifically, their pancakes, which are now scattered on the floor and on the burning stove coils.
"Ah, shoot. I'm sorry, bud." They both stare at the burnt pancake before Danny starts poking the floor pancakes. Well. There goes the last of the instant pancake batter. After stopping Danny from eating the floor pancake (multiple times, eventually stacking a couple of his gym weights on top of the trash to Danny won't go digging in it), Dick proposes breakfast at the little brunch place downtown. Danny only grunts in answer because he's too busy struggling to lift the lid of the trashcan.
Haven Coffee it is.
He probably should've expected somebody to take their picture, but seeing the image of Dick and Danny plastered on the Gotham Herald's website makes his blood run cold. It's almost like a horror movie. Reading the news article (Golden Boy Richie Grayson following in his father's footsteps with adopted son Daniel Grayson... recently orphaned son of renowned scientists... suggesting a custody battle between absentee godfather and Gotham's Golden Boy...), Dick feels sick. He's never been violated like this in Bludhaven. In Gotham, as Bruce Wayne's son? Sure. In Bludhaven, as Dick Grayson? Never.
The picture is just as damning (and beautiful. Dick would frame it, keep it in his wallet and tucked into the mirror of his car, if it weren't such a violation of his and Danny's privacy). Dick and Danny look like they've lived together for years. Danny, chocolate smear on his cheek and looking up at Dick with sparkling sugar-crazed eyes. And Dick, propping the kid on his hip while they walk to the car, looking down and thumbing at the smear with such adoration that it's clear to anybody looking Dick loves his son dearly.
(Maybe Dick will frame it. He's still going to sue the shit out of Gotham Herald, but Danny's tiny face looks the happiest he's ever been. Double chocolate chip pancakes tend to do that.)
He's almost, almost surprised when his phone starts ringing as soon as he finishes the news article. Afterall, Dick is hardly the only one who reads the news and he knows half his siblings have alerts set for anytime their names pop up in civilian or vigilante identities. Tim's caller ID pops up, quickly followed by several texts from Barbara, Steph, and Duke. He knows Jason and Damian will probably take some time before reaching out. Dick feels a small twinge of guilt for not telling them, but they have a... complicated relationship. Dick has always been more of a parentified figure, solidified more so when Dick stepped in as Batman for a time, than a sibling.
Danny huffs out a heavy sigh on the couch next to him. He's still asleep from his sugar crash earlier, cuddling with his elephant Zitka and dog Haley, as Scooby Doo plays softly on the TV. Dick gently combs Danny's hair back from his face - grimacing slightly at sticky chocolate stuck to a couple strands, how did he manage that?? - when his phone dings for the last time.
This was the text Dick was waiting for.
Dinner tonight at 7pm. Bring Daniel.
Dick glances back to the grumbling lump beside him, smiling slightly as he tickles one small socked foot sticking out from the blanket. He gets a little bunny kick and a louder grumble for the trouble. Another ping and Dick's lips twitch at the hastily added Please. It looks like Alfred beat some common sense into Bruce after all.
He types back K and tosses his phone onto the coffee table. Pats the lump. "Danny, are you up for meeting grandpa?"
It's time to face the music.
(Danny sleeps for another thirty minutes before Dick can't resist bugging him, enduring bunny kicks and tired grumbles. It takes bribing Danny with Alfred's cookies and pizza for dinner to get him out of the blanket nest. Dick hastily calls Alfred to please, please, please make cheese pizza for dinner. Yes, Alfred, really, just cheese. Oh, god, thank you. See you later tonight. They have just enough time to wrestle an owl-eyed Danny into the bath and some non-chocolate-smeared clothing before dinner.)
#love me some dad!grayson#i also just love dick as a very complicated and dynamic character because his relationships are literally SO complex#like bruce and dick are the OG batman and robin and there's so much tension there because bruce failed dick in so many ways#but is also a good person and tries to be a good dad#but dick grayson was very much the “test” child... the one that never got an i love you be safe text or having anybody show up for him#but he WILL be a good dad for danny#i'll shut up now#batman#dcxdp#dc x dp#danny phantom#danny fenton#dick grayson#nightwing#mine
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i really love how intensely Mirabelle reacts to act 5 Siffrin botched friendquest.
Isabeau is mostly operating out of concern and, eventually, hurt. he already knows something’s up before Siffrin gets to him. he knows something truly awful must be wrong for Siffrin to be lashing out like they are, and as soon as he can’t handle the situation anymore, he leaves and asks (with strained cheer) for time apart to cool off.
most of Bonnie’s anger comes from being upset and afraid that Siffrin would willingly put themself in danger for no reason, when that’s exactly why they’ve been so unsettled since the eye incident. they hate that Siffrin values their own life so little, they hate that they’re the cause of any pain or loss for him, and here he is, putting himself in that situation AGAIN. on purpose. it’s loud and explosive, but it’s familiar, too, being “hated” by Bonnie for this reason.
Odile pushes, and keeps pushing, until her concern overwhelms Siffrin and they strike where they know she’s most vulnerable. she gets physical, just for a moment, grabbing his collar before controlling herself and letting go. her fury shuts down into cold detachment, and she walks away.
but Mirabelle—dear, sweet, gentle, loving Mirabelle, “the most wonderful being on earth,” with her secret “ruthless side” that largely involves lightly badmouthing people behind their backs and then apologizing—slaps them. immediately.
and then COMPLETELY RENOUNCES THEIR FRIENDSHIP.
not just “we’re not friends anymore,” but “we were never friends in the first place.”
that’s!!! pretty extreme!!!!
of course, she ALSO starts by asking what’s wrong. something must have happened for him to act like this. but as soon as Siffrin brushes her off, she jumps past that line of questioning and dives headfirst into re-evaluating everything she thought she knew about them as a a person.
if he could say something like that to her and not see anything wrong with it, then she was wrong to treat him as a friend, wrong to read camaraderie into his teasing, wrong to think they must care about them all under their aloof demeanor.
that’s how Mirabelle phrases it—“I was wrong about you”—but i think that there’s a hidden layer of I was right about you, too.
she talks about the way they tease her like she had to convince herself that he was doing it in a friendly way. she says they talk like they “know better than her” like that’s a thought she’s had for a LONG time.
“Always soooo mysterious, Siffrin, always talking as if you're better than me! As if you know me!!! But you don't, Siffrin!!! You're just as lost and useless as I am!!! So stop!!! Talking!!! As if you know me!!!!!!”
none of this comes across as a new, sudden way to view Siffrin for her. it doesn’t shock or confuse her. it makes her angry, defensive, almost like she was waiting for something like this to happen at some point. the feeling of resentment, frustration, jealousy, being patronized and condescended to—this is something she’s been actively pushing down and rejecting this entire time, but they’ve given her ample reason for it all to boil to the surface. violently.
Mirabelle’s kindness is not inherent or easy. it’s a choice she’s making. she treats Siffrin warmly because she gives him the benefit of the doubt—refusing to act based on anxiety-fueled, cynical speculation, and reassuring herself that his actions are driven by care and friendship even if she can’t quite see it.
“I was wrong about you” doesn’t mean she always and without question believed them to be a fundamentally kind, caring person from the beginning—it’s that her first, colder instincts were right, and she was wrong to convince herself otherwise.
never mind that she asked what was wrong at first. she barely gives them time to speak in their own defense, to explain what they really meant by what they said. all of her suppressed doubts and frustrations are getting aired out now, now that all the trust she’d so deliberately placed in him has been betrayed. her pain feels bigger than this singular moment, so when she hurts him back, she makes sure it extends back through the entirety of their relationship for him, too.
“You're awful. You're not my friend, not my ally, not anything. You never were.”
like the others, she goes back to the clocktower and tells Siffrin not to come back until later. but there’s a finality to the way she ends this confrontation that isn’t quite there with the others. Isabeau and Odile reach their breaking point and remove themselves from the situation, asking for space to cool off but still somewhat leaving the door open for Siffrin to tell them what’s really going on at some point. Mirabelle is the only one who tries to fully cut ties—after everything else she says, her “I don’t want to see you until tonight” reads to me somewhat as “I don’t want to see you anymore unless I have to.”
I can’t wait to never see you again.
even back at the clocktower, Mirabelle doesn’t really defend Siffrin’s place in the party when Odile suggests leaving them behind out of concern for their trustworthiness on the most important day of the journey. Isabeau and Bonnie protest out of sentimentality and faith in Siffrin’s abilities and connection to them, and Mirabelle agrees, but…
“I agree, but... B-But would he even agree to come with us, still? Maybe they won't even come back tonight...”
she doesn’t say much outside of that. maybe the stutter and hesitation here are signs of regret about how things happened, but she lacks Isabeau and Bonnie’s confidence that Siffrin even wants to come back to them in the first place. she doesn’t trust that their bond was real anymore. maybe it never was in the first place, or maybe she broke whatever was there herself.
and she’s still mad when they finally catch up to Siffrin at the King! and she makes sure Siffrin knows that—after saving them, assuring him that he no longer needs to fight, that they’re all there for him. she still cares, of course she still cares—she’s still hurt, too, but they can figure that part out once there’s less world-ending stuff going on.
she’s the first to say that they all reserve the right to still be angry at Siffrin later—and that they’ve already forgiven him.
she’s also the first to say we want to stay with you, too. it’s not just you.

she was wrong! she thought they didn’t care but they care so much, it’s overwhelming, it’s world-ending.
i think she’s gonna be wallowing in guilt post-canon the moment she remembers what she said and did TO SIFFRIN and not just what Siffrin said to her. especially now that she knows Siffrin’s exact hangups, and especially especially if she figures out what Siffrin was trying to say.
they put themself through hell out of loneliness and fear that none of the others cared about him the way he cared about them, he was going insane from repetition and exhaustion and hunger and trying to keep them all safe and together, and all they did in the midst of all that was say something kind of mean to her one time (that turned out to not even be MEANT to be mean it was supposed to be HELPFUL they just SAID IT ALL WRONG) and she SLAPPED THEM? and told him that they WEREN’T FRIENDS AT ALL??? how could she!!! she should have known better!! what they said hurt a lot but still!!!
so when they eventually manage to try to talk about it, they end up almost in, like, a guilt competition.
Mirabelle apologizing for how she reacted, that she shouldn’t have yelled or hit him, that she doesn’t want to be the kind of person who acts that way out of anger and she’s sorry that she made Siffrin expect that reaction from her, she should have known better and believed in him more and they only messed up like that because they were losing their mind in a time loop but what’s HER excuse—
and Siffrin going nononono stop I deserved it—(HUH DON’T SAY THAT NO YOU DIDN’T)—and that he should never have said such awful things to her, ever, and she was under so much pressure already with the weight of the country and everyone’s lives and futures and her religion and their whole party counting on her to do this impossible task because she’s the only one who can, all this unbearable expectation and hope crushing her, and they KNEW that but they thought they could skip to the ending as though her feelings didn’t matter at all, like helping her wasn’t as important as saving a little time—
until they’re just. in tears together, apologizing for all the horrible things they did in between complimenting each other’s strength and kindness and resilience and how much they admire each other and saying that no, everything you did was completely understandable, actually, the only one who sucks here is me. which neither of them will accept coming from the other!!
they’re so similar, in ways they couldn’t really understand, before.
warm, affectionate, perfect Mirabelle, the resolute hero, a beacon of compassion and hope for all those around her, who wears her heart on her sleeve, her fear making her courage shine all the brighter—nothing like the insignificant, forgettable Siffrin, too terrified to be known, too fragile to touch, too selfish and disgusting to bear letting go.
cool, mysterious, unflappable Siffrin, the worldly traveler, as charming and silly as they are confident and skilled, who brushed off losing an eye like it was nothing, accepting the risks of this journey with barely more than a shrug—nothing like the anxious, stagnant, undeserving Mirabelle, a fraud and a nobody crumbling under the weight of a mission too important to be entrusted to someone like her, doubting herself, doubting her friends, doubting her mentor, doubting her faith, too weak and brittle to bend and change the way the world needs her to without breaking.
not worth bothering others with their problems. they should be able to handle this alone. stay positive, stay calm. breathe in, and out.
they’ll struggle with it, still—the hiding, the minimizing—but now, they understand each other a little better. they can hold each other accountable for what they leave unsaid.
it’ll get easier, eventually. they have plenty of time.

#i!!! don’t know how to end posts!#this was supposed to be about One Quick Thought and then i just. kept going.#it’s REALLY LONG. SORRY?#some of this is a rehash of what i said in the mirabelle edition loop hangout post#i didn’t want to repeat EVERYTHING though so. no prologue discussion this time#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#isat mirabelle#isat siffrin#mypost#isat meta#mirasif qpr#it makes me wonder what other negative impressions she’s harboring about the others#surely siffrin isn’t the only one that she has twisted up somewhat in her head in ways that she has to talk herself out of#it’s a very anxiety-based behavior. making up worst-case stories in your head about yourself and other people#and having to remind yourself that those worst cases aren’t necessarily reality#the most obvious (to me) in the party would be comparing herself to Isabeau and feeling Some Type of Way about finding herself lacking#even if no one else sees it like that.#he’s strong he’s brave he’s reliable he’s heroic—he’s COMFORTABLE WITH CHANGE……#meanwhile she’s just!!! same old mirabelle!!!!!#incapable of changing in so many ways that seem so easy for everyone else! what’s wrong with her that she can’t!!!!#if it’s not clear absolutely none of this is like. critical or disparaging of mirabelle. i fucking adore her.#and her handling this the absolute Worst out of all of them (Bonnie included!) is part of that#LET HER BE MESSYYYYYY#btw for those familiar i’m picturing the guilt competition very much in Steven Vs Amethyst (steven universe) style
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