#and some dont like them being compared to delusions

[shigayokagayama]

ok all the people saying that they felt like the alien arc ruined the flow of the ending is kind of fascinating because to me to always felt like kind of the perfect set up for the confession arc?

like on top of being lighthearted and low stakes compared to the arcs surrounding it (can you really imagine the emotional turmoil of going right from the broccoli arc to the confession arc???) the character arcs that takenaka and tome go through directly mirror what mob has been going through.

takenaka realizing his powers arent a burden and can be useful is a realization that mob has already come to and tome realizing that SHES not a burden and her friends like and support her for who she is and shes allowed to have her own wants and needs is the journey that mob is just about to make

also them actually meeting aliens is kind of important for a less obvious reason but one you come to after rereading/rewatching this series waaaaaay too many times

every main character gets what ive been referring to in my head as a “want vs need” arc: teru with his introduction, ritsu with the big cleanup arc, reigen with the separation arc, dimple with the broccoli arc, tome with the alien arc, shigeo with the confession arc. all of these arcs, to some extent, take a character and give them what they THINK they want to see what they really want.

teru’s is a bit of a deviation because he has what he thinks he wants from the beginning: popularity, people respecting and fearing him. but through his breakdown you see what he really wants, what he really needs is self confidence. and then every arc follows that same sort of pattern: ritsu wants powers, but he really wants his relationship with his brother to go back to how it was. reigen wants to be someone (popular, famous), but what he really wants is to be something to someone. dimple wants to be a god, but what he really wants is to be acknowledged.

and then we get to tome. tome wants to meet aliens so damn bad. she thinks that all of her time with the telepathy club has been wasted, that they dont really care about her or her interests and have just been using her to laze around and goof off and shes running out of time to get what she wants. when her friends invite her to summon aliens with her, she thinks that theyre messing with her, or shes tricked them into going along with her delusions, or theyre doing this out of pity, or anything to convince herself that what she wants isnt important and she should just give up and go back to not acting on her wants for the sake of everyone elses comfort.

and learning takenaka is actually a telepath through him reading her mind dispels some of that, sure, and if they hadnt met aliens it wouldnt have been a waste of time because it was something they all did together which is what counts. but them actually meeting aliens and going on a ufo and then doing the exact same thing theyve always done together, laze around and eat snacks and play games, was what she needed to realize that none of their time was wasted. she wanted to meet aliens, and like every other characters arc before her she got that, and through getting it she realized what she really wanted was to spend time with her friends before she graduated and didnt get to see them as much.

[mikimakiboo]

hello! um- for the Disabled AU. i once spent like a whole hour analyzing Error and researching shizophrenia and he could be diagnosed with it in canon! not gonna make the whole list of symptoms, but the voices, social isolation, POSSIBLE persecutory delusion (when he accuse Blue of trying to find his weakness, if i remember right), paranoia..

you dont have to answer!! just some food for thought if you want it-

Hi !

That's actually quite fitting ! I haven't thought about Error but now that you mention it I can definitely see him being schizophrenic too, there is also a nice comparison to make because he would be so different from Dust even though they have the same mental illness

For exemple while Dust despises his voices and hallucinations and tries to escape them by staying with the others and constantly asking them if they can see/hear what he sees/hears, Error just accepts his hallucinations

He has been alone for so long with his only company being the voices he hears all the time, he became familiar with them, he doesn't fear them, he answers them not caring if they actually are real or not because he just doesn't care like Dust cares

They are two very different interpretation of the same illness and I think it could be very interesting to compare them !

Thanks for the idea ♡

[ceriseisland]

Can you talk about what exactly blue’s (f) arc was in FRLG?

I have two thoughts on her "arc" in frlg: that it's conceptually interesting and that she also suffered from a nonsensical personality change

FRLG opens with Silver stating that Green has recovered from her trauma with the help of her friends. This is the logical next step to take her development after GSC, but Kusaka decided to essentially remove her personality to show that she's grown as a person. Like, her personality was formed from trauma so we're just taking the whole thing away to show that she isn't traumatized anymore, which isn't how people work. This is similar to how Yellow's bravado and denseness has been slowly replaced by softness and shyness ever since she was revealed to be a girl. It doesn't feel like a logical progression like other dexholders have, but instead she just feels like a new version of the same character

Some things about Green in FRLG are completely different. Why does Red say he doesn't want to involve her in the fight? The arc acts like her parents disappearing in front of her is the most traumatic thing instead of, like, just another traumatic event on the list of shit she's been dealing with since she was five. Her response doesn't make sense when we know that her cheeky personality is a response to growing up having to take care of herself, so completely dropping that especially in the face of stress feels weird. I assume she would revert to her old coping mechanisms under stress, but instead she's more open and vulnerable than we've ever seen her despite the rawness of the situation (compare that to how Ruby keeps reverting to his bad coping mechanisms despite his efforts to change). And Red has seen her overcome her fear of birds by capturing the legendary bird trio and showing up to fight with them, so wanting to keep her out of the fight doesn't make sense either. And why does professor oak insist that she's the most sensible kanto dexholder? The girl he publicly humiliated for stealing? She's definitley not more level headed than them enough to justify only giving her vital information. It really does feel like her personality was yanked out and replaced with Generic Girl personality. It doesn't feel like a realistic next step for her development as a person

On the other hand, her "arc" fits really well into the theme of FRLG (though some of it is just speculation). FRLG is a story about these one dimensional characters in a simple shonen universe growing up and realizing that the world is more complicated than they thought, and suffering because they dont realize it at first. For Green, she starts out in new clothes sitting pretty and proper under an umbrella, waiting for her parents to arrive and everything wrong with her childhood to be righted. But since this is FRLG, it isn't that simple, and her parents get abducted by Deoxys. Then later on we get this exchange

where she admits to her parents that she's changed because of what she went through and she can't go home just yet. It seems to me like Green thought she could make everything go back to the way it was before she was kidnapped. That's why the first full shot we get of her is this

where she's sitting all ladylike waiting for them, and she definitely isn't a ladylike person. I think there's some delusion there about a simple world, like other dexholders in this arc, where she thinks if she just acts like the child her parents lost, they'll go back to being the family they were when she was little. But she changed because she was kidnapped, and it's impossible to go back to who she was before all the bad things happened. I think that's what Kusaka was getting at with her here, that just like with Silver the ending is tragic and bittersweet. It feeds really well into the theme of FRLG, even if it isn't focused on much

[stupendousfoxthing]

To your last anon, I always thought that hybe would have loved to monetize on tk's huge clout together if that didn't posit a risk( they are a corporation it's all about clout and money) i know people think differently as in them being shown together wouldn't have been risky but if they were the official company ship the ppl who like them as a couple would have been the triple than they are now, that means more people paying attention to them in that context, more ppl who wants to find something more, just like jikookers do, the difference? Jikookers won't find anything ever bc there's nothing to find, they are friends and bandmates, so them being the official company ship is as safe as it can be, tk's case is not the same.

Now it's funny bc the moment the tae//nnie bs started I told my friend that we probably could except a bit more of tk content coming from the company and I wasn't disappointed lmao, this is my view: thanks to that rouse Tae is seen by the world as a straight man who was/is (many locals dont even know about the break up news)in a relationship with a female idol and that also takes off legitimacy from the ppl who noticed stuff about him and his bandmate, it's just shippers delusions, even many ppl who suspected tk left the wagon after that.

So yeah I think hybe can afford to slightly show them more and monetize (and that also includes aiming to not lose much of the many different demographics that "consume" the BTS members during their absence and shippers are part of the this) that compared to before and still in a very controlled way, there is a bit of a risk mitigation with this companies' pushed rumor which is of course still not enough and hence the still controlled bc the risk is still present and as you said we have to take into account tk themselves, their priority is protecting what's important to them too, if you see the most content from the company we have seen of them together lately is just them being close (which they always were);and supporting each other, nothing super big or elaborated, not them putting on a show or being put on a show or anything, the only reason is noteworthy and has jikookers crying is bc years ago even that was something that wasn't shown (eg burn the stage etc).

I have a lot more opinions on the company's way of moving but I'm keeping it short 🫶

There are so many interesting layers to the way the company deals with Taekook, and to how the fandom perceives and feels about them. Where a lot of Taekookers think they've been too extreme in underselling or undermining their bond in official content, I don't think it's been quite as bad as most do. They still get featured quite a bit, I mean BV and In the Soop have shown us some classic Taekook moments. And they did start out capitalizing on that, the Bon Voyage cuddle was teased in promo images and then eventually included in bonus content. That moment making it into official content still blows my mind. I think it's a pretty intimate moment, I've gone over the clip so many times and believe there are kisses exchanged. It's wild. But 2016 is where the most noticeable shift happened. At the same time, I have also felt they do a little too much at times with the editing and it results in some weirdness, and that because heteronormativity covers for _a lot_ they could probably get away with showing more. That bias is so strong and engrained in everyone. But you make a great point about there being an added inherent risk for something that would need to be hidden, even if it's something most people would brush off. Like I've said before, I'm not a fan of the company for many reasons but if what they're doing is what they actually think is the best way of protecting them it's easily understandable. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, sorry it took so long for me to get to answering this.

[dearweirdme]

I feel strongly that jikookers must be really young or adults who are really lacking in the common sense and observational department because there's no way there's no way 😭

Imagine fighting tooth and nails and even going as far as visiting cc's anonymously of ppl who don't think the same as you to try to convince them ( more like convince yourself ) that two dudes in the kpop industry who have content after content of very common and usual fanservice, I mean almost kisses with cameras on every angel and on their faces, lots of narratives that come straight out of a company, they even be expecting eagerly their annual compilation of fanservice, the memories ( any rational adult with any idea of how the world works knows that that isn't the way a closeted gay couple would be treated when there's millions of investment in a group), also the body language (jikookers really can't read the most basic body language or they are pretending), the honest clear attraction between two other members etc, are in a relationship

They also be acting like reality is dependant on what ppl's opinion a private relationship is.....it doesn't matter what any of us think, who you try to convince or how much you try to convince yourself, reality won't change, facts won't change, our opinions don't have any influence in these people's feelings and lives, I need ppl to stop thinking with their desires and wishes and really start using their brains.....and I'm not saying this for the need to win any ship war, but bc i see how these delusions serve to harm real queer people and make their lives harder ( kpop and in this case their company has everything to do with this)

Hi @def-sowl!

Yes, absolutely! Going to rant a bit on your ask here.

What I have learned from the Jkkrs visiting my blog and from what I encounter when I look through tags... Jkkrs have a very strong focus on the 'romantic' parts of life. They allow for very little aside that. Everything Jk and Jimin do has a double meaning or they do it with the other in mind. You could so clearly see that when Jk released Seven... his clothes, his pictures, his jewelry, his lives... everything was connected to Jimin. That is not how real lives work. Jkkrs rarely think about reasons for Jk and Jimin's behavior outside the realm of romance. Jimin was unsure about his appearance so he sent Jk a selfie to show why... Jkkrs make it a naked selfie. JImin went to NY... Jkk date. Jimin doesn't talk about Jk on his lives... Jimin isn't ready/holds the ropes/whatever it was. The way they see Jk and Jimin is entirely built around the idea of them together. You can even see huge discrepansies in that, because at the moment they dont know whether to stick with the "Jkk is bold" or the "Jkk is laying low".

When thinking about the members, there's so much to take into account. They do not live normal lives for instance. I had this Jkk go on about Tae not knowing Jk's hotelroom number and how that meant they couldn't possibly be boyfriends. They do not take into account that those guys go from hotelroom to hotelroom at times, with only time to sleep at some days. It's nothing like schoolcamp or going on holiday. We as fans, cannot compare their situation to ours in the practical way. They have jobs that none of us experience, they have more money than us, they always have to be aware of 'image', they are 'being lived' at times... it's just.. we cannot relate. That doesn't mean we cannot incorporate those things when we think about how their lives might be though, and I feel Jkkrs absolutely lack in that regard.

That anon came back and showed me many tiktoks and tweets about how I am wrong and how Jkk is real (though stating they do not mean to try and convince me, they just like pointing out that I am wrong). But those vids, where all either fanservice or plain friendship. And you are right, they do not understand the subtlety of reading bodylanguage at all.

and I'm not saying this for the need to win any ship war, but bc i see how these delusions serve to harm real queer people and make their lives harder ( kpop and in this case their company has everything to do with this)

That is a very strong point you made, and yes I agree.

[candysharkart]

hi would u be willing to talk more ab ur belcher hcs that theyre all schizoaffective? :]

i can defs try! i cant promise i have really anything "smart" or insightful to say, cuz my husband and i just kinda draw from our own experiences :o

(if u are reading this and dont know what schizoaffective disorder is, im writing this w/ the definition of "a combination of schizophrenic symptoms and mood disorder symptoms like major depressive and bipolar disorder")

bob has felt the most schiz to us from the start, he's got his voices, which feel way more like he's acting as a mouthpiece for the objects he's talking to, rather than him just doing a bit. he knows its not "real" but also. it is to him. (i think hes also had some? hallucinations? but most are drug or stress induced and he also has a lot of cartoon dream sequences so...?) he struggles with paranoia and anxiety, and he's had pretty manic and depressive episodes in the show. i think he tries his best to stay grounded and self-aware with his delusions. he's very skeptical, and gets really irritated by misinformation. (probs also an affect of his autism tbh)

we also have a hc that he's more irritable and negative in the early seasons bc he's on meds that arent a good fit for him. (we dont really have meds hcs other than that. they might not be able to afford them)

linda's symptoms arent as obvious beyond her delusions like the raccoons and the cemetery stuff, but i think she's taught herself to suppress her issues so she could better support gayle who had more disruptive ones. her parents seem like the "stop being mentally ill its annoying" types. she has her own instances of paranoia and anxiety, but she mostly tries to smother and ignore anything negative she feels. VERY manic and impulsive tho. i think she also has some hallucinations in show but im drawing blanks on specifics.....

i would personally say tina is pretty depressive, but she's good at trying to cope in (mostly) healthy ways. her family is a good support system for her! she does have the most instances of visual hallucinations that arent cartoon bits (she seems to have them a lot when shes feeling guilty...) her anxiety and paranoia reminds me a lot of bob but also of gayle. they have similar outburts

gene has the least examples that i can think of.... i think he considers ken to be pretend and is just joking about him being real bc it annoys bob (compared to tina who thinks her horse Jericho is maybe...a little real) but i think he has some other hallucinations tht arent like that. hes surprisingly anti-social! he definitely often views himself as superior to the kids he knows. gets that from his dad lol. and his mania and impulsiveness are very much like linda :) he doesnt have depressive episodes as much as the others, but they hit him really hard :(

and louise! shes paranoid and has lots of aggression issues! to me she is also very depressed. (the puppet ep is esp relatable to me lol........) and she's VERY manic in the ambergris ep! i think she also has a couple instances of voices similar to bob's? but its kinda hard to tell the difference when shes still a kid who plays pretend with her toys. her talking to the taffy dummy feels more like what bob does tho.

i hope? thats the kind of hcs you were talking about? ive been trying to think of the right words for like 3 hours now. im very bad with words and so much of this stuff can also be attributed to other brain stuff, and one person can have a lot going on in one brain! so i hope i dont upset anyone with this post. thank u for ur time :)

[wd-ghosty]

Chapter 1 - Resurrection

Haiii! It's me again bringing you more fics, this is chapter 1 of Ophelia's backstory.

TW!!!- Mid writing

It’s 3:45 am, and I’m in a dark room illuminated by fluorescent light, from screens surrounding my bed. I linked up to all these tubes, I’m constantly getting shots, my mind has been infiltrated by that wretched beating sound coming from the heart monitor. I dont know how I got here, I remember being at the beach with my friends, we got on a boat with a bunch of guys we didn’t know, I think we got drunk. And after that, all I can remember is a splashing sound and I stopped breathing…

did I mention I can’t swim?

- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- --- ---- ----- -------- ----- ---- ------ ---- -----

I grew up with three older brothers they all had their own interests but one of them went through a ninja/samurai phase, and I watched all those shows with him, Ninjago, Randy Cunningham, and Power Rangers Samurai, but my favorite was the one about the turtles.

They had a very passionate fanbase one i was a part of, I made so much fan art, and OCs hell one of my OCs was an obvious self-insert. Well she didn’t really look like me, she was tall, thin, pretty, the most confident person you’d ever meet, she would always be that one person people would go to if they had a problem, she was adored by everyone and hated by those envious of her. Nothing like me at all, I dont stand out in a crowd, I try my best to blend into the background I want to be almost invisible. Hell, she basically is an OC because she’s not one bit like me, comparing the two of us is an insult to her perfect being.

I made her so I could draw fanart of her and Donnie. Stupid right? I would draw the two of them in situations I imagine the two of us in. We’d go shopping together, and I’d give him the montage he deserved in the clothes dont make the turtle, in rise. I’d always be by his side willingly, helping him with anything he needed, in 2012. In the bay-movies, I thought I'd be the owner of his favorite cafe, and I'd always stay in late to make him whatever pastry I thought he’d want that day, and a coffee. When I got the finished product I was so happy sure I couldn’t let anyone see it out of embarrassment, but I was so proud of them.

Hmm… the beating is starting to slow down, and I hear a bunch of people running into the room, I think I’m gonna die. This reminds me of a short comic I made, Ophelia was assassinated by whatever villain and Donnie completely lost it. I wonder if he’d lose it if he knew I was seconds away from dea- everyone stopped talking and an irritating ringing sound replaced the beating.

“Ladies and gentlemen we are now landing in Manhattan New York, please get your bags from the overhead compartments, collect all your things, and thank you for flying with us.”

I rub my eyes open and get up from my seat. “I just had the weirdest dream ever. I was some random girl and I drowned to death, I think?” I take the two suitcases from the overhead compartment, and hand Nasir his.

“You have dreams of drowning all the time, yet you still go to the beach and crash into waves ten thousand feet taller than you. At this point, you’re seeing the future.” Nasir is one of my best friends, and also one of the most useful people I know. If you have a problem with somebody, just tell him and he’ll dig up some shit that’ll ruin their life.

“Oh my god, are you saying I’m psychic!?”

“No I’m saying you’re stupid, Stop standing there and move so we can get off this plane.”

Scoff, “Whatever, I can tell the future.”

“Your delusions cloud the part of you that's actually worth having, common we have to go before the Uber leaves us.”

Oh, I don’t think I properly introduced myself. My name is Ophelia Mafuta Chenett, you might ask “Why did you tell us your full name?” and my answer to that is, that's what the villaness does in every manhwa when they introduce themselves so that’s what I’m gonna do. I’m a soon-to-be freshman at Manhattan Institution of the Arts, (It’s not a real school) After passing the entrance exam I moved across the country to pursue my passion of becoming a fashion designer. Sounds stupid right? Doesn’t it sound like I'm some quirky girl from a 2010’s show? Well, I’m kinda going for that, as the main character of this world I have to keep up my spirits and believe that I can do whatever I want and even live in one of the most expensive cities in this godforsaken country. Oh, I’m also 17 years old, and my birthday is coming up soon so I'm basically 18, other facts about me, I'm from southern California, I have three older siblings, I’m 5’9 but basically 6’2 when I put my shoes on, into alt fashion, and I’m really big on video games especially when they’re story driven. Well, I think that’s it, you guys can just follow along on my journey to become… well, ME, aka perfection. XOXO byyyy!

“Please dont tell me you’re talking to your fictional 1audience again.” Nas slumped into his seat side eyeing you.

“They’re very much real I’ll have you know” She rolls her eyes at him and puts on her headphones.

“Drug addicts are probably so jealous of you, you dont need pills to get high off your ass, you were just born like that. You’re most definitely a crack baby.”

The two of them expected to get to their destinations rather quickly but, the traffic was honestly something that crawled out of the ninth ring of hell. Nasir got accepted into Princeton so he was especially irritated by the traffic. And Ophie got to campus two hours late but still managed to register and get settled in her dorm.

“Well it’s nice to know that all my stuff got here without issue.” then her phone started ringing, she got off her bed to check who called and her heart dropped. “Telli! Please dont tell me you left early, I'll hate it if you left early!”

“Nice to talk to you too Ophe, and no. I’m still in the lair because your plan landed hours ago and you haven't texted called or posted about it, so I knew after you got M.I.A. you’d unpack, and then pass out. We’re meeting tomorrow,”

“Oh… well that's embarrassing. It’s nice to talk to you again Telli, I've been so busy lately I forgot when we spoke last.” She flops onto the bed and gets under her pillows.

“Yesterday, at 5:45 am before when you were getting ready for your flight at 10”

“I’ll have you know I'm African, we usually leave ten hours before a flight, my mom was rushing me out of the house. And I find it shocking someone who’s never left the CITY is talking shit about me.”

“I've been to Tahiti before, what other countries have you been to?” she can feel the sassiness of his bum-ass eyebrows through the screen.

“OH let me correct myself. I CAN’T believe that someone who has never been to an airport IN HIS LIFE is talking about me.” She can hear him laughing his ass off through the phone, “So I think I win”

“No, I’m letting you off the hook. See you tomorrow Ophe.”

“By Tell, kiss kiss.”

She hung up the phone and rolled on her back staring at the ceiling. “Hmm… I’m an adult now. No more mom, no more siblings, just me. AAAH!” She screamed in join and kicked her feet. She hopped off her bed and dug through her bag to find her laptop, camera, and ring light. After clicking record she gets in position. “Ehem. You hear that watchers I’m a grown-ass woman now! and you hoes better prepare for Escapism season 8, watch me as I live out my college dreams! This is gonna be amazing, you know looking past all the exams and homework. Yeah, I know now I’m not special, I'm surrounded by other talented people. But I’m the MC, I’m better than them by default, and I’m special in general, all those current fashion designers that slap a print of a t-shirt and call it a day won't survive here. I have to watch out for the people who actually make their garments, but being able to sew doesn’t mean they’re a good designer and I’m BOTH. Everyone else on my wave length will become an ally or an enemy, but I crush all those who oppose me under the heel of my platform red bottoms rest assured. Well, that’s all for now bitches, see ya!”

She turns off her camera and gets back on her feet, “Well, I guess I'm done for today. I have three more days before orientation, and I don’t have my roommate yet. So I guess I should decorate my half of the room.” she turns her head and sees all the boxes stacked on top of one another.

“Or I could take a bath. She grabs her towel and opens the bathroom door, so she can bathe in boiling hot water while listening to Nightcore on repeat.

After her bath, Ophelia lays in bed scrolling through Tumblr when she starts to think of that dream she had on the plane. “That girl. What was her name?” she thinks to herself. Ophei tries to recall all she can about her, “She was on the bigger side. Short hair. I only ever saw her in muddy browns and greens.” she eventually drifts off to sleep, just to wake up again.”

- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- --- ---- ----- -------- ----- ---- ------ ---- -----

“Sweetheart wake up.” She feels someone nudge her awake, “Hun you’ve been sleeping the whole class period.”

“Oh sorry Ms. Mayflower.” She scatters to put her stuff away and tries to leave the classroom before Ms. Mayflower stops her.

“Bear, sweetheart can we talk?” She pulls out the chair on the other side of her desk, and Bear sits down in it. “You’re failing this class, and I've talked to your other teachers and you’re not doing too well in their classes either. Is everything okay at home, did something happen with Mom and Dad?”

“NO. I um… I'm just not good at school, it’s just not for me.” Bear looks down at her lap fiddling with her fingers.

“Hun, you’re only passing art, but that’s an AP class we’ll have to pull you out if you keep this up.”

“But, math and science are hard. And I always try during PE I just never pass, and Mr. Brown SUCKS. A simile and a metaphor are basically the same thing, and nothing makes sense. And I like history but I never pass the test despite the fact I always get good scores on classwork.”

“Hun I’m sorry but me, including the rest of your teachers, have talked about it.” Tears start to swell up in Bear's eyes, as she stands up. “I’m sorry”

“It’s okay, you’re fine.” she leaves the room tears threatening to fall down her face, when she accidentally bumps into a small girl.

“What the hell is yours!- oh Beary, I haven't seen you all day. You look…cute.” she stares up and down Bear, and she decides to wear the sweet Lolita dress her dad got her today. She got self-conscious and covered it with a jacket but she left it in Ms. Mayflower's room.

“Oh thank you, my dad got it for my birthday.” she uses her arms to try and cover her body.

“Yeah, you look like a baby doll,” One of the other girls said. “You know the things babies throw up on?”

“Aww look at her skirt it has plushies on it. do you sleep with them?”

“No” she whispers

“What was that?”

“No, i dont sleep with them.” she raised her voice

“Oh, well I thought you still slept with plushies, considering no one’s ever sleeping with you.” the girls start laughing and bear laughs with them trying to play it off.

“What are you talking about she's sleeping with the bears on her skirt, dont diss her man!”

The girls continue to make jabs at her dress nitpicking every single part of it to oblivion

“Haha you’re so funny Bailey, but I need to go now.” She tries to leave before the girls see her crying, but she’s stopped.

“Noo, where are you going we’re having so much fun eat lunch with us.”

Isn’t it shocking how much girls preach about sisterhood yet be so cruel to their fellow “sisters”? They’re pestering her trying to get on her nerves, she just wants to leave and they won't let her. Tall and big vs short and thin if they were guys then this would be clear cut, but for women with’s a lot more complicated. One of the girls, the smallest one grabs her arm and tries pulling her.

“Common eat with us bear we know you can eat a lot. Oh! I didn’t mean it like that.” all the girls laugh with her, and Bear starts crying.

“Oh my god bear! Why are you crying?”

“If you keep wailing like that then someone’s gonna call Peta” at that moment she pushes one of the girls to the side but she falls on her ass and started crying. And at this moment the bell rings, and everyone flods into the hall they’re currently in.

“Oh my god! The bear threw Bailey!”

“She’s gone feral!” everyone started staring at her, and some people started recording. Then someone started barking at her, and a bunch of people joined in. so she just ran away. She hid in the girl's bathroom where she cried until the security guards forced her to go to class.

- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- --- ---- ----- -------- ----- ---- ------ ---- -----

Then Ophie woke up with someone patting her back and tears trickling off her face.

...

That's it. Hope you all liked chapter 1 XOXO luv ya<3

[reijitokito]

Pasting my whole don quixote analysis thread to this site cause i want people to see it. Badly. Reminder i use he/she for donki DO NOT BE JARRED!!!

First of all i think the guy has alot of insecurity about her impulsiveness just. digged there but also feels extremely empty so she tries to make up for it by exaggerating parts of her personality.. THERE COULD BE MANY REASONS! possibly he was seen as emotionless due to being mentally Ill and showing obvious autistic symptoms at one point. which can explain her reaction to the mariachis. I believe she also represses her negative reactions to the things he sees on a daily basis and has been for a good chunk of his life which couldve caused some negative reactions in “friends” who would use this to support the wrongful perceptjon of her as emotional. i feel. she’s definitely hiding SOME shit and also may be exaggerating her personality for other reasons such as. A trauma response and i just believe he’s still the smae loving idealistic perosn at heart.. also the things she is possibly hiding dont seem to be anything too horrifying. So far alot of the signs of her steering away from his past and the internal lack of trust and engagement with the sinners can really justbe compared to what yi sang has done before chapter 4. On the topic of yi sang! Theres a good chunk of parallels between them, such as the fact they were the first two to get promos, their themes of delusion v. Reality, the sin envy in their second attack for both of their base egos, appearing unable to trust other sinners (which i will explain later!) and duitfulness to their ideals. Additionally i can also see donki’s friend group as being formed with a shared goal, as people who are outcasted though slowly with the introduction of new members becoming more torn and corrupted. While in Quixote’s case this seems MUCH worse than Yi Sang, this still would be something shared between them.

I feel like.. family history is similar to hong lu Rich family similar to original book and was probably very sheltered and restrainwd from meeting people possibly due to her family membershaving a poor perceptioj of her. I believe at one point she cut them off and probably decided to become a fixer with sancho which can explain alot of the hints at her being somewhat poor. I think sancho was at first one of the only other people in her life other than her family. I alsk believe there will be some GAY SHIT GOING ON! Back ontopic. I think Sancho either got 1. Corrupted by the rest of donqui’s friends 2. died at some point in which Quixote would probably internally blame himself for Sancho’s death. NOW BLOOD OF SANCHO!!! i believe the reason it need Pride that Quixote often lacks in ids (most importantly base id) is that quixote cannot accept sancho’s death and also cannot accept how horribly the rest of his friends acted towards him But with. The pride needed for the ego don would be able to accept their deaths and still keep sancho in her memory. ADDITIONALLY TELEPOLE. i think telepole relates directly to the repression and abuse and lack of control quixote experienced due to her peers.

I am ill the post is DONE! If you scroll back on my profile i have also made a post on why quixote is jewish. Please read it As well. Talk to me about this guy PLEASE!!!

Oh my vosh and i almost forgot. additionally she seems extreeemely stiff when being with the sinners and honestly seems extremely isolated im believing she was also possibly Not treated like a human whennyounger.. demonized and idolized at the same time and feeling he has to be perfect and knightlike at all times.

[artwithoutblood]

i did publish a thing for patreon [that i dont use anymore] that was supposed to be a sex game about dorian and erebus at a christmas party but they just went to erebus's office and chatted because i cant write sex

I thought it’d be more like Dorian reeling around obnoxiously hitting on the few colleagues he doesn’t dislike and trying to dance on things not meant for the purpose. Trying to swing around the poles of the floor lamps.

His hat is gone. Erebus is chasing him and growing increasingly agitated because Dorian has stolen Erebus’ collar chain and is wearing it around his head

He basically would. Maybe not the pole part but the rest I could see.

I'm using this below to paste the thing I wrote. It wasn't finished.

a few familiar faces. a few faces that blend in with one another. erebus is one of them, and he certainly doesn't want to be there. but it's rude to live with two demons who are organizing a party and not join in on the festivities.

aeron doesn't like to host parties. at their own events, they sit in a corner, legs crossed with a cold glass of water in one hand. their eyes gaze emptily into the crowds, consciousness scanning faces and bodies that are a million miles away.

genesis always has to beg them. dissonance loves the lights, the music, the celebration. he's grown to love christmas because of his time with his children over the years. "people in the human world get together and have holiday parties! they drink n' dance n' wear stupid outfits! they even do it at work! ain't that crazy, aeron? we've gotta host one. please? we can do it in the gallery!"

delusion agrees, as long as it's far away from any of the breakable art. they settle on a banquet hall, used often for receptions or special exhibits. aeron decorates with colorful lights and decorative pine needles. genesis caters food and puts together the perfect playlist of classical piano and ambient drones.

erebus never liked fancy suits. sure, his usual attire was regal, elegant, fit for an archivist who spent centuries combing through books. but the suit that scarlet had crafted for him was far beyond his usual dress.

"i had made this for your predicessor," she had explained to him when he begrudgedly came to pick it up, "but since he's…gone, i thought i'd modify this for you. to fit you better, y'know."

delirium always hated being compared to dreams. he just had to swallow it.

the suit was beautiful, emblazened with appliques of snakes, ancient words, and images of the sun. the brooches on each collar were handcrafted from celestial silver, meant for the demon of dreams and repurposed for erebus's small stature. beautiful shades of green and black and gray, matched against silver jewelry.

familiar faces pass by erebus as he stood near a row of paintings, away from the drink tables and towards a corner's emptiness. diana handed erebus a glass of water and told him to call her over if he needed anything. graves staring with empty eyes, empty words, and a small platter of cake in his hand. aeron runs their fingers through his hair and thanks him for coming. xinyue talks him down from his anxiety by filling his head with thoughts of the next few days and what work erebus can do once the party is over. that puts his mind at ease.

he treats himself to small, strawberry tarts, seated in his own corner. most attendees ignore him. and that's just how he likes it, sitting as quiet as one of the corpse statues that line some of the halls outside of this cheerful place.

erebus has always been used to eyes on him. he assumes aeron is always spying, even if delusion isn't doing it actively.

but tonight is different. erebus looks up, finds aeron in the crowd, and breathes a sigh of confusion when he realizes the painter has their full attention on a man that erebus has never seen before.

who's looking at him then? he scans the area over and over, puts down his dish and stands up to do so. sweat drips delicately down his forehead. erebus never thought he'd miss the prying eyes of delusion, replaced by something foreign to him.

all erebus had to do was look right in front of him. across the long hall is another man, adorned in similar glasses and a muzzle over his face, leaning against a bookshelf and swirling a fruity drink in his hand. he presses the straw through the bars of his muzzle and to his lips, stealing another glance at erebus.

he has met dorian a few times in the past. librarians of different fields come to know each other, share their knowledge. dorian just barely leaves his domain, deep in the circles. he occasionally visits the gallery to admire aeron's newest handiwork. the two of them exchange art for knowledge, sometimes vice versa. dorian has joined them for dinner before, but all that heresy does is sit patiently, drinking tea and listening patiently to whatever comes from delusion's mouth.

they lock eyes for a few moments before dorian breaks it, closing them to indulge himself deeper in his tea. what does heresy want? erebus isn't sure.

but he sighs. he knows he has to do the hard work of reaching out.

erebus stands in front of dorian, arms crossed, foot tapping gently against the floor. dorian doesn't notice him - on purpose, of course - waiting for delirium to speak for himself. erebus sighs, defeated.

"are you going to explain yourself?" he asks, his brows furrowed.

dorian pushes the bridge of his glasses further up his nose. "hm, explain what?"

"you've been staring at me from across the room for at least five minutes now. is there something on my face?"

"besides your pretty eyes, no."

erebus hasn't been able to blush in centuries, but he knew his ears would be burning red at that if he could.

dorian just laughs. "i'm teasing you, erebus. i've just been debating on whether or not i move to talk to you, but i was too absorbed in this drink…"

"that you were too lazy to move and walk over to me?"

"that's right."

but why talk to me?" erebus doesn't seem to understand why anyone would care for his presence at this party other than his own coworkers.

"a few reasons," dorian places his drink on a nearby table. "first, you're the only person here who looks just about as lonely as i."

"you don't have people to talk to, dorian? you're important. you're one of the most important people here, i'd say."

"you know i'd say the same about you, head archivist."

"erebus. just call me by my name." he clasps his hands together, gently squeezing his palms together.

"erebus." his name is heavy on dorian's lips, slow, said with a soft taste of pine in his voice.

"…you aren't pitying me right now, are you?" it's what erebus hates most.

"no…" dorian shakes his head. he eyes the exit next to him, where the lights grow dim and the music would dissolve into silence. "i can talk to anyone here whenever i'd like. but you are a rarity. even at archives receptions, you are holed up in your office or pretending to be busy so no one approaches you."

"you of all people should know how important our work is," erebus is frustrated, eyes darting away from dorian, hoping that someone will grab him by the arm and whisk him away from this obligation.

"i do. of course i do," dorian nods, "but…"

"but what?"

"is it wrong that i've wanted to get to know you? know you past the formalities of work?"

"heresy is a liar, you know. why should i believe you?"

"i'd like you to use my name too."

erebus swallows. his eyes land on aeron, who is in the middle of putting on a haphazard theatric performance of some horrible story that happened to them recently. aeron notices immediately and locks eyes, smiling, waving their left hand.

god, sometimes his roommate is so innocent.

"why, erebus, are you acting like i want to hurt you?" dorian is serious. he may have been teasing earlier, but his eyes are dark, lips now neutral as opposed to curled upright in his default smile. "is it because everyone else you've ever met has wanted to hurt you? or, at least, that's what you think is happening?"

erebus swallows hard. he looks through dorian, rather than at him.

"because…i'm not here to do that," dorian shakes his head. "especially not here, surrounded by people. in fact, i rather admire you and your commitment to your work. but even so…"

erebus can't bother to look at him right now.

"i can tell you want to talk about other kinds of things. you love your books, but you love other things. but you don't feel like you're worth it past what you're good at. i'm right, aren't i?"

delirium falls silent, his head to the floor, inhaling deep breaths despite no longer needing to use his fragile lungs. dorian does not break the silence between them. he waits for erebus to speak.

and erebus does. "but why does that matter to you? why do you care?"

"do i need to have a reason?"

erebus rubs the dark circles under his eyes.

dorian makes his intentions clear. "i'm asking if the two of us can exit this loud, crowded room. i want to sit down with you, alone, and i want to hear erebus talk. not the archivist, not delirium, but erebus."

erebus looks back up, locks eyes with dorian. "you want me alone?"

"so i can focus on all of you, yes."

delirium will admit he would much prefer to be pulled away from the loud noise and the heat of other bodies. erebus can already feel the weight lifting off his chest, only to be replaced with nearly equal weight, all from one person: dorian.

erebus gives in. "fine."

dorian smiles.

erebus leads dorian down the hall, and the music that encapsulated them starts to fade. he knocks every so often against the wood finishings of corners, of the frames of old paintings. dorian cocks his head in confusion.

"i have a door somewhere between here and my office," erebus explains. doors are like small portals. genesis hides dozens of them in their shared space, all so he can steal trinkets and food from the other two members. he steals erebus's teabags and areon's sewing supplies, but he gives nothing back in return.

eventually, an old painting of a boat, ravaged by a stubborn sea, glows blue with absolute light. a small door opens, and erebus bows, inviting dorian inside.

"can i get you something new to drink?" erebus asks, "i know you just had…what were you drinking?"

"a shirley temple," dorian responds. erebus's office is small, ornately decorated yet humble all in the same visage. it was much like erebus was, strung with books on every wall, with globes and keys and small vials of ink leaving the place in its own orderly disarray. erebus pulls the chair from behind the desk to the front, allowing dorian and erebus to sit on equal footing. "i'm alright. thank you."

erebus nods, makes himself a cup of green tea with jasmine, and sits down.

it takes a few minutes, a few spits of reassurance from dorian for erebus to talk. sometimes, his eyes never leave the swirling liquid inside his teacup. eventually, erebus unravels. he talks about his greenhouse and all the plants he's been growing inside. he talks about his collection of antiques from before his own demonhood, all related to the stars above. he talks about some novels he's read, not novels he's written.

erebus has never been very good at reading emotions.he checks dorian's eyes, his mouth (or what he can of it due to the muzzle), but dorian does not break eye contact once. he sits with full attention on erebus, only moving to settle deeper into his chair. there seem to be stars in his eyes, admiration circling those irises of his. erebus swallows, adjusts his glasses, continues.

does dorian like it? is this just a ploy to collect information on him? erebus didn't really care; his mouth were running faster than his brain was.

but the intense staring, mind swimming…it makes erebus anxious, after an hour or so of infodumping all over this man who was barely more than a stranger.

"am i…bothering you? you look disappointed in me."

dorian refuses to break eye contact (erebus's worst nightmare) as he reaches two of his fingers up to his face. they slide between the bars of his muzzle and swipe gently over his own black lips. "i'm not disappointed in you, erebus. not at all. i'm disappointed in myself."

"why is that?"

heresy stands, his intricately-embroidered coat unfurling with him, revealing shimmering spider lilies and camellias. he gently pushes his glasses further up his nose. erebus is cautious and takes a stand as well, moving his body away from the chair.

"dorian? is everything alright?" erebus asks, but he fears his question will fall on deaf ears.

erebus has always been shorter than dorian, but as dorian approaches him, those silver-plated high heels on his feet, erebus realizes the size difference much clearer. it doesn't take long for erebus to find his back to a wall, with dorian placing one arm next to erebus's head, preventing any escape.

"i'm just disappointed that…" dorian breathes a heavy sigh. any twinge of shame lies behind that muzzle and refuses to leak out. "…i can't kiss you right now."

erebus's eyes go wide. "i'm sorry…?"

in most situations, erebus would have fished a pair of scissors from his pocket and driven them straight into dorian's chest. two problems arose:

one: he doesn't have his scissors, because this wasn't his usual outfit. he must have left them in the pocket of his uniform.

two: he doesn't really…want to, no matter how much his voice swims in confusion.

they sit in silience, whose pressure never bursts or dwindles, and dorian stares with those stars still in his eyes.

erebus is the first to break the silence. "why?"

dorian does not answer at first. that makes erebus anxious.

"…please let me go."

dorian responds immediately. "i'm trying to find a way to explain this that would help you understand. if i tell you that i have no reason, you'll panic. if i tell you it's because you're beautiful, alluring even in your mystery, you'll deny it. if i sit in silence, contemplating an answer, your hands will shake, as they do now."

he locks his fingers with one of erebus's hands. delirium's limbs make small tremors. dorian remedies this by pressing his forehead against delirium's. erebus's eyes light up, confusion being sprinkled with…wonder? relief? he wasn't sure. all erebus knows is that someone is using his name, is holding him and singing him sweet praises that he's never heard in his life (this isn't true, erebus just was not receptive, but that barely matters when heresy pins you against a wall in your own office).

dorian's hand slides back to erebus's face, gently cupping his cheek, thumb running along his jawline. "if you're so anxious, i can stop, we can return to our conversation, and we can pretend this never happened."

erebus does not respond for a long, long while. his mind was swimming, trying to drown his own complex. dorian was, without a doubt, beautiful; something about his mismatched eyes, his black lips, his off-white skin, it was all beautiful. dorian makes himself irresistable just by his existence, and erebus was still trying to wrap his head around why dorian was interested in someone as boring, mean, and hard to obtain as erebus.

maybe the last part was it. it didn't matter now. the bird has caught the snake, right on his own grounds.

erebus raises a hand up to one of the long pieces of dorian's hair. the rest had been tied into a delicate bun and secured with silver hair accessories, save for two sections that trailed down to his chest. his eyes focused on the variations in colors of dorian's hair. peach, off-white cream, gray, strawberry blonde.

"is…everything alright, erebus?"

"pretty."

"what?"

"your hair is pretty."

dorian laughs. "you really think so?"

"yes."

"it used to be curly," dorian explains, "but i suppose the first death and the ash somehow flattened it. thankfully, it's still soft.

"i like it like this," and erebus brings the hair to his nose, inhaling the scent. dorian smells like patchouli and rose with a hint of vanilla.

heresy's ears light up with red, making the silver jewelry glow even brighter.

"for someone so touch-averse, i'm surprised you had the nerve to…sniff my hair?"

"i like nice-smelling things. it puts me at ease." erebus opens his eyes and looks back up at dorian, and the anxiety flushes back in.

"you're a little weird, don't you know that?"

"i…i'm sorry." erebus looks embarrassed.

"no, that's a good thing. i like that."

[justanotherpersonsuniverse]

CAP I FORGOT TO READ CHAPTER 73.

I WROTE SHIT ABOTU IT HERE YOU GO IT'S MOSTLY JUST ME FREAKING OTU

SPOILERS BELOW AND ALL THAT

Balad to cap

Ok so why didn’t i ever read chapter 73. I forgot about it? I have zero clue why that happened.

Its a very fun chapter too, it feels quite chill and is a good transition alongside tying up loose ends

I’m glad it talks about Alya being like “why tf are they over there” 

God I’m still so curious about the seeds planted of clues for Juleka’s identity, plus idk why but I’m still 90% certain adrien will randomly find out

I know he won’t but my brain is convinced

Help genderfluid Anarka i love her to pieces she’s such a terror (and i adore when you make her speak in a scottish accent, it’s so dear to me)

Interesting.. Luka teaches Kim guitar? I’m curious about Luka’s totally normal life aside from the furry for a sister, he tries so hard…

Oh. 

Now thats an interesting tidbit

Luka can tell how in her own head Juleka is? Very intriguing for him to call them delusions… I wonder how different pieces of this fic would be if they were from another perspective, especially the sheer level of danger the characters are in and how monstrous Juleka sees herself vs the reality of her protecting herself 

My thoughts are going to when she Prince Shining (that was his name right?) It’s one of my favorite original Akumas behind Wicket Witch and Little Red (which I am realising now is because of the background to them… Akuma hit harder when there is a buildup, huh. Something to keep in mind for my own writing.) That was fun to see, how worried the class was vs how confused that made Juleka

How people perceive others and myself has always been interesting to me, so this is right up my alley

Back to Luka

Oh curious, of course Luka would want to protect Juleka… I wonder if Marinette will try to make him a holder as well, I’m not sure if that secret identity would last the hour to be honest

The fact that we still don’t have much model Juleka content (aside from a piece of art you did a few years ago, or maybe that was someone else) makes me feel crazy! It’s an aspect of her that I’m really curious to see how you write it

I’ve got fun concepts for her in my own shit, and ANYWAY! Ui brought it up because Anarka was talking about sending Juleka there. 

Sorry, I’m both making notes on like 2 pieces of writing, writing 2 different scenes in totally different chapters and writing this and reading chapter 73 and cooking dinner. Can you tell I am diagnosed with ADHD? 

Woohoo for Fei saving people

Fei being scared and unsettled by Juleka is so funny help-

Aww, Juleka giving Fei interview practice is adorable

I need to reread at some point to see if we get to see how marinette sees Juleka compared to Panthera (hey, it’s me being obsessed with how people perceive others again, tbh that’s prolly why I am so excited to write my miraculous thing, there are some… extra layers that should make it funny) 

Sure you dont have a concussion Juleka, like I’ll believe that

MODEL LORE?? AUWG>/?

WOOO

MODEL SHIT IS HAPPENING I TAKE BACK ALL MY IMPATIENCE CAP I APOLOGISE

AND HER DRESS IS BASED OFF OF DUSSUU OR HOWEVER YOU SPELL IT???

CRAY=ZY.

HOYL SHIT]I THOUGT]F

ROSE WAS BEING A SAP. ACCEPTABLE. 

BUT.

SO YOU DO WORK WITH THE HEORES>545FRUNEIODWS

DUED

Oh my god if eel insane 

Help

Not Juleka slagging off herself to Rose she is so insane 

Wait

WHAT.

GABRIEL HAS TRIED TO AKUMATISE JULEKA A LOT? HOLY SHIT

This chapter is full of revaltions

Insane about everything her what the fuck

this is mostly me freakign out, sozzles its also really short. time for chapter 74!

this was a really good chapter i feel insane that i forgot to read it

YAYYYYY IM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED!!!!!

i wanted to set up the mood for season 3- i hope it makes you excited!!!!!

[azrielgreen]

Hey, I could use use some...not necessarily advice, but encouragement I guess about writing darker fics. I know I shouldn't compare and I should just write what I like but the fics I see that are popular, especially on tumblr are pretty different than what I want to write (not that i dont like them too) and as someone who hasn't written much it's hard to not want to write fics that I think more people might like because I want to know if my writing itself is any good and i don't want to get discouraged by negative feedback (or no feedback because no one reads it) that isnt even based on writing. I know it's holding me back and I have to just push through my insecurities but its hard! Actually i lied, I'm asking for advice lol, how did you build confidence in yourself as a writer when you started?

I'm sending this to @thorniest-rose too cause i admire you both, you write dark subjects so well 🥰

Hi! I'm sorry this reply is so late! OK, so; advice on building confidence as a writer! Amazing Q.

Firstly, I'd just like to say that anyone writing dark fic should be PROUD of themselves no matter what - all writing is hard and requires work. Self-expression and creative exploration are beautiful. So many fic writers are discouraged for numerous reasons, purity culture and fandom policing being high among them, which sorely deprives the fandom of balance, new material and dare i say some truly masterful stories told in a darker shade.

For building confidence as a writer, I use ✨️The Triangle of Delusion✨️ method, which I invented. Please bear in mind this is my method for myself and as with all methods/advice, this may not apply to others.

So, top of the triangle: passion.

Passion is your ink, your drive, your everything. Without it, I am utterly lost. Finding ways to ignite and sustain your passion is essential. Passion, enthusiasm, obsession, hyperfixation, it is so important to my confidence. If I'm obsessed, I literally will write for myself and no one else, which you should always be doing.

Next part: delusion.

This is KEY. I will detach myself utterly from reality and gas myself up constantly, become my own biggest fan, reread all the time, romanticise my process, make my desk beautiful and BUY INTO my own art like a crazy person. I am absolutely delusional, always, about my own talent. My passion fuels this.

Part three: knowing that you can always improve.

This is something I talk about sometimes but with confidence, this is ESSENTIAL! When you inevitably read something WAY better than what you've written, instead of being disheartened, know that this is your sign from the universe to level up, branch out and explore! I never read anything and think "I could never do that" and I am ALWAYS open to improving myself, I get so excited about it! This in turn fuels my passion.

The triangle therefore becomes self sustaining. Confidence requires a little touch of madness, in my opinion.

Best of luck and all my love, Azriel.

💜💜💜

[smrtelnaaleziva]

mood: rant; trigger warning: casual mention of suicide, psychosis, genral ableism

my favourite (/s) thing about being mentally ill (besides all the other stuff) is the inability to communicate with people who don't experience my issues. i am not even talking about neurotypicals, i am including in this statement some neurodivergent people as well. actually let me rant for a moment about neurodivergent people further stigmatising mental conditions using their experiences...

how do i explain to someone what i am experiencing when they dismiss it with "well i experience similar thing so i totally get what you are talking about and i am going to make assumptions based on my experiences?". dude it isn't the same. feeling hopelessness during depressive episode isn't the same as end of the world delusions i had during psychosis. being adhd daydreamer isn't the same as when i tried to kill myself bc i thought i was communicating with faeries and they invited me to live with them in their world which i couldn't do bc i was still alive. like people actually tried to compare these in my face and they aren't the same; i should know, i daydream a lot, have adhd and have experienced the doom spirals during depressive episodes before. it just isn't the same. so why do people insist on comparing it? how am i to explain to them it isn't the same when they already arrived to their conclusions about my situations.

i don't need someone to give me advice on a situation that isn't happening. i need people to listen to what i am actually saying. to actually try and understand my experience. i know that it is hard, that it isn't easy to let go of a way you viewed the world and mentally ill people your whole life bc society told you we were this way. when sometimes even psychiatrists feed these misconceptions. but please... just listen to me. to us. when we tell you what is going on.

do you like it when people tell you to cure your depression with yoga like you didn't already try everything you could to put an end to it? then please shut up when i am trying to explain to you what is going on in my head. don't use ableistic language like delulu or call bigots delusional when i (and for the matter the schizospec community as whole) ask you not to. this isn't a joke to me and it doesn't make me a hateful person. i am hurting. a lot. psychosis is painful both mentally and physically. all i am asking for is some empathy please...

thank you to everyone who isn't like that. i love you guys.

(yes someone pissed me off and became inspiration for this post, how could you tell? and this was very much "neurodivergent folks can be ableist too" post but dont eben let me start on the neurotypical family members that tell me to quit my meds bc they don't like the side effects i am experiencing. i am currently symptomatic bc i have to fight myself to take my antipsychotics and sometimes i don't win that fight... just bc people ((mostly neurotypicals again)) were telling me my meds are poison and that my mental illness is a gift really got to me recently)

[discyours]

Hi! Real thing, why do feminists have such a wildly bad reputation? (i even happened to hear a pretty well educated man with a psychology degree among some suggest publicly that he agrees that there should be an anti authority/cognitive emotional disorder named and put into official books to describe the behavior of feminists). Saw men make fun of feminists who go to marches hairy, unshaven and how they do the ”natural selection “ themselves and how no man will want a woman like that anyway so they dont need to fight for abortion - obv as they will not be impregnated bc no man will want to touch them. They lamented on how ”what is it meant to serve/whats the goal to abandon atributes of femininity” and of course didnt shy away of saying how disgusting it is. Oh, and as a cherry on top, a psychologist talked about how women who become feminists have been hurt by their fathers and now project all of that on the whole world and men as a group, that its a delusion of a small group hurt by just a few men closest to them in their lives. How they struggle and stay in conflict between wanting to preserve and live in their femininity but also rebel against it and reject it constantly because of the hurt caused by a father, that they see power dynamics and dominance where there is none. Because after all feminity and masculinity are in a beautiful harmony together that has been maintained through centuries and that group of disordered women see it as a threat and all that is coming from her personal disordered view :)

That's just what happens when you challenge the status quo. You can try to compare it to people being needlessly vile to vegans or socialists but nothing is a perfect analogy because misogyny is just so incredibly ingrained compared to just about anything else. People are naturally resistant to change and to those who seek it. Try not to let it get to you.

[blucassiopeia]

so in Dangerous Oikawa has to give a. massive apology to reader BUT BUT BUT (unless i misunderstood) Iwaizumi owes an apology too to readers.

it wasn’t really mentioned in the fic if iwaizumi kept in touch with oikawa after the bistro incident…and as far as it was revealed he knew little to nothing about reader and her relationship with oikawa. IF SO then he had no right in lowkey gaslighting oikawa in that phone call saying he could not drop his (their) dream just for reader and then saying she was just a Ran’s placeholder AS if oikawa could/should never move on from Ran - unconsciously he was already movin on….

also i don’t recall, in the bistro incident who (if osamu or Ran’s man) in the end told oikawa to stay away from ran (forever i suppose)…then during the wedding day the gc was full of pictures of them being happy and oikawa left the gc BUT Osamu added him again 🥴🥴 what’s with this toxicity

he fucked up, no one can deny it, BUT it takes two to have an affair (if that’s what really happened) unless the cheater lies about their single status. Let’s not forget that in the end Ran told oikawa that she would always choose her boyfriend (Ran’s plushie) - as a lover. What was Oikawa supposed to do? Yes, he promised the boyfriend he was staying till he came back (from i dont even know where he went) BUT in my own opinion a good friend understands that sometimes (right or wrong) we have to prioritise ourselves and not someone else’s well being (Ran’s in this case).

cant wait to know the boyfriends name to yell at him a big fat F.O bc if he and ran didn’t have a complicated relationship then im pretty sure many thing could have been prevented. 😬

so far i’ve yet too see the boys held Ran accountable for her mistakes (?) - i.e the affair - i mean only two people went to argentina but my gut feeling is telling me that everyone in the gc thought oikawa was the -only one - at fault (whether they knew about the affair or not)

also this might be an unpopular opinion but all the boys seems to be a bit too (over)protective of Ran’s well being (we know she had her problems growing up but who didn’t) to the point where they not just protect but coddle her too…like from their point of view she cant do no wrongs and her happiness comes always first (it doesn’t matter if they -the boys - are breaking bc they are in love with her and they don’t have a chance).

since they will never have Ran romantically (oikawa’s story proves it) they will do everything to make her happy/life easier being at her beck and call and at the same time as they grow up and life goes on they meet new people (readers from the different spin offs) they will not only prevent themselves to move on and be actually happy but, at the same time, hurt the various readers, some more than others (ie kuroo’s spin off). ngl this is kinda a toxic behaviour (from the boys pov) 🫣

sooner or later they will understand/realise that their happiness can be linked to someone else and maybe what they really needed to move on was time and space (away from Ran). A clear example (so far) is kuroo’s story, it took him literally years to realise (his) reader was the one for him and also to actually see that he was already in love with her but he always dismissed those feelings bc he was so present and active in Ran and the twins lives everyone would think he was the actual father 🤔🥴 …and the way kuroo’s realisation was worded sounded like he was too late?

Semi’s story is similar, but completely different at the same time compared to kuroo’s (referring to the time skip when they are no longer uni students but working adults). Semi’s reader, the singer, was a his friend and her presence was sort of a constant reminder that he should stop being delusional about Ran since she was happy with a family. He might not had space (away from Ran) but the singer was there with him when he babysat the twins, they even argued about it.

While Kuroo’s delusions where strong enough not even kenma could do much about it. at a certain point he wasn’t even taking care of himself but it was reader silently doing it. Ran’s twins were sick, he was rushing to them, it was their birthday, he couldn’t miss it. someone implied he might be one of the godfathers but still…he was doing what a father is supposed to do/not miss. Where the heck was Ran’s husband in all of this? In the end readers words (when she talked with kenma) were true: if kuroo doesn’t take care of him (and his heart) who’s gonna do it? if reader wasn’t silently there kuroo might have collapsed bc of exhaustion between his workplace and Ran’s house 🫡🫡 Kuroo’s missing an outsider’s pov (Semi’s reader) who could tell him what is he living for? if Ran’s and the twins’ well being is his own purpose of life then maybe he should rethink about it. What would Ran think if she finds out he’s devoting (not her finding about he being in love with her but just as a friend) his life to her family. I don’t think she would be happy

Ngl as much as i want to see all the spin off boys be happy with their respective readers i wouldn’t mind see kuroo suffer after the realisation he lost his true love of his life (reader). Her falling for someone else would be a deja vu BUT her dying *chef’s kiss* You can fix many things but not prevent someone’s death 😬

one last thing: in the main story is there gonna be a chapter where Ran kind of realise she was the reason (unconsciously obliviously) some of the boys where keeping potential love interest at an arm’s length/not wanting anyone in their lives bc of her?

sorry for the long ask

okay i'll loosen a little to explain further the issues presented aaaand i would like you to know anon that i appreciate these kind of asks because some people also needs to ask this 🥺🥺 thank you for collating it for you and for them 🥺🥺 so okay..

yep, and Oikawa and Iwaizumi would be there to apologize.. for maybe (2 weeks for iwa 3 months for Tooru ANDDD ssh) they'll be with someone else in here andー🙈 eitherway, Tooru and Ran would still have a VERY complicated "interaction" (i wont say relationship), but she, too, will apologize.

hajime is aware of all that's happening to tooru in san juan and he didn't bat an eye on everything tooru shares day by day, and he updates him with SOMETHING I CAN'T SAY. All I can say is that he has every right to gaslight tooru in that phone call because tooru himself is confused and iwacchan intended to make him realize his feelings (he intends to say that tooru should take yn to his world if he really loves her, prove to iwacchan he has moved on, but tooru can't even say anything at that moment other than his attempt to drop their dreams for her, that's where they both fucked up)

it was ran's plushie that said tooru should stay away from Ran (didn't say forever), i will say it here coz ill not be stating this in the other chap so.. tooru previously left the chat consequently when he left Japan, Kei added him back tho and that was enough for the others to understand a little of what's happening (ran not batting an eye on that too, she doesn't care). and osamu is not toxic in that scene i swearrrr, he knows kei's intentions on adding tooru back, but yes they are teasing tooru in a very savage way i believe he deserves.

yep, tooru fucked up bigtime but i dont remember saying Ran had an affair with him or something............. it's safe to say that Ran's plushie intended to leave Ran on tooru's care as a friend AND THAT'S ALL THAT I CAN SAY, let's just say tooru made a really REALLY big mistake that destroyed Ran and i think everyone who's close to them (especially Ran's plushie).

and no, you can't yell at him 🥺🥺 im not revealing his name but really, you would understand why they have a complicated relationship. in the fic, you would first see Ran's POV, i mean the entire first half of the fic is hers, then 2 POVs of Ran's plushie explaining the events he cant say to Ran (but he did say to the boys) AAAAAAHHH SSSSHHー

i mentioned that Ran, Tadashi and Kei are in levels of density other people can't reach (in Kageyama's) but yep, it's not an excuse but she really doesn't know anything else toottoot i think Osamu's spinoff would relieve your issue on this coz it will tackle Ran's density (but still lowkey) but it will show you another side of Ran. AND they are protective of Ran, especially the Karasuno ones, because they know something others don't, and there are groups within the "volleyball idiots GC" that knows other "issues of Ran they can't tell anyone about". let's say there are 3 groups of that, one being lowkey mentioned on other fics i wont tell.

yeah, they are loving Ran in a toxic behavior im not gonna deny it but i think that tooru is just the hard-smacked lover, tetsu is well yeah YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND KUROO TETSUROU LATER IN THE FIC and add "3 someones" there, because they have the same issue.

and 🥺 we're tackling my Semi 🥺 but i can't say anything about hiiim, and yea, he's clearly different with the others. and i can't say it's a "delusion" for tetsu. all i can say to explain tetsu is that "Ran's plushie gave him something he can't afford to lose". and where is "Ran's plushie" in all of this.. i cant sayyyyyyy 💔 but tetsu devoting his everything to Ran has some sort of explanation in the fic, don'cha'worry. AND HEYYY did i say that kuroo's yn is some sort of a game changer (but for the 2nd fic). and believe me, Ran knows what's happening to whom, you'll understand her more soooon.

and omg, kuroo's yn dyingggg, I LAUGHED SO HARD. 👀👀👀 you might wanna read that portion again and you'll know when you know, then pm me if you have a hunch.

in a chapter, Ran will realize everything after she loses something really big. someone will sit and talk with her about these things and that will lead to her apologizing to tooru's yn, and to the others as well, but i dont think she's accounted to apologize butーAH YOU'LL KNOW YOU WILL KNOW I SWEAR. but you will see something like this (but lowkey) in Osamu's soon enough.

i love youu, you're nicely knitting the spinoffs 🥺

[computerpeople]

okay let me rephrase what i said about liking and disliking hallucination scenes. you can tell when someone writes a hallucination scene who has never had hallucinations or dissociation before, or a disorder that not just distorts your physical reality but your mental perception of reality: a part of schizophrenia IS believing your delusions and hallucinations in one way or another, they are ALL recognized as "real" in some way or another even if youev learned how to deal with it or not, that is part of the disorder. that is part of being in psychosis. you can know youre in psychosis, youre hallucinating, youre delusional, that doesnt make any of them feel any less real compared to other things. but that doesn't mean they're... i dont know i never like it when its like. AHA. I BET YOU DIDNT ASSUME THAT THAT CHARACTER WAS HALLUCINATING THIS CONVERSATION! and its like yeah.... i didn't. you didn't tell me that character experiences psychosis

[oraclemoontarot]

sure it might be worth being an idol in the long run but idk they arent exactly paid crazy like footballers and so much rests on delusions like ppl constantly needing to dig to find info on jks fs and so many others when its such a small thing to "care" about if that makes sense? It does seem that even on every website I ever use if u arent fully 1000% delulu 24/7 about anything to do with an idol.

and people dont seem to realise they can still like the groups but not support the system these groups are in. nor can they separate idols image from their personal life.

yeah, it seems all glitz and glam and definitely at first, but I don't know how they do it with sasaengs, cameras in their faces 24/7, and having to watch every single thing they say or do. It's a lot. And the amount they get paid at music shows?? how is that not a scam, it's like pennies worth.

Exactly! you can like groups and idols, even the music, while still having disagreements with the companies, management, and the industry as a whole. It's like people think they can't have multiple opinions.

Heavy on the separating idols image from their personal life. I feel this way about the really cutesy idols who probably end up going home, kicking their feet up and being really chill or 'masculine' and it cracks me up. This persona is their brand, sometimes it is similar to who they are as a person, as there has to be some level of genuine-ness for it to be believable, but it is tailored to be appealing and perfect.

But the industry benefits in selling a delusion, in letting people believe they have a chance, that there is a connection between them and their idol. Delusional fans are likely to spend more money and you see this the most with fancalls. It works in their favour, as suffocating as it is, the industry thrives off of it.

If you do like kpop in a healthy way, I think it serves quite a benefit though. I saw a video a while back where this guy was talking about fans of western artists compared to kpop fans, and it was so interesting? Basically, western fans were less likely to be as happy, but also less delusional/obsessive, whereas kpop fans tend to be happier but more obsessive. This is because idols appear as friends or give the illusion that there is a chance with them, that they are available - hence why they don't often date publicly, and fans feel closer to them and therefore happier. They are more likely to interact with them too at concerts, events, or fancalls, even out in public. But you don't have to be obsessive ofc, too much of anything is bad for you, so a healthy fan-idol relationship might be a good thing.