#and so the cycle begins anew

[feroluce]

Of A Cyclical Nature

I have Awoken and am Choosing Violence, so I’m putting this blankshipping writing under a read more because of past offscreen major character death with no happy ending, my favorite type of submas angst, and anyway:

Ingo working hard, like really really hard, in pursuit of his lost memories. He chases down leads, he explores every distortion bubble he can get to, he battles Akari every moment she's available to try and knock loose a few more recollections. And it works! It takes time, and effort, and nearly running himself into the ground, but it works! Ingo can finally put a name to his Man in White! He finally knows who Emmet is!

Ingo feels so horrible that he ever forgot him, because they were partners, in every sense and meaning of the word, how on earth did he live alone for so long without Emmet?

Dialga and Palkia prove to be useless, so Ingo borrows the Azure Flute from Akari to speak with Arceus. Akari gives him a strange look, then sighs and tells him not to misplace it this time. Ingo has no idea why Akari would think he's the one doing anything with her Flute, she's the one who keeps accidentally leaving it in his hut, but he's too eager to stop and bicker about it. Maybe Arceus can send him back to his first home, and even unlock the rest of his memories!

So Ingo hauls ass to the wrecked Temple of Sinnoh, and plays the Azure Flute, and is granted audience. And he politely kneels and bows his head before the towering form before him and asks that Arceus might let him go back where he came from, to Unova and Nimbasa City and Gear Station with all of the depot agents and Elesa and with Emmet. And Arceus refuses.

Ingo isn't sure if something was lost in communication somewhere, so he asks again. Arceus refuses again.

And Ingo starts to get pissed, because why not? This is a god we're talking about. If Arceus is really as almighty as the people of Hisui say, and as gracious and kind, then this should be something easy for It to do, so why the hell not?

Ingo raises up off his knees, back to his full height, grits his teeth and pulls out Gliscor's pokeball. Arceus looks down Its nose at him like a bug.

"Do you truly want to remember?"

"I do."

Arceus makes a sound almost like a sigh. Ingo bristles. And then-

and then his head is so full, he sees Emmet next to him with their hands joined between them, he sees Nimbasa City lit up in the night, he sees Lostlorn Forest and a wild Zoroark that looks so so different from the ones he knows here, Chandelure and Eelektross guarding their eggs together in their nest, Cloud corralling the depot agents, Elesa laughing at him over a drink, Emmet and Elesa telling him to hurry up, Emmet bright and excited after a battle, Emmet whistling at the stove while he cooks breakfast, Emmet telling him that he loves him, Emmet Emmet Emmet-

Memorial. Gravestone. Offered flowers he doesn't want to see. Offered food he doesn't want to eat.

Ingo feels like he might be sick.

He opens his eyes without realizing he'd screwed them shut. His forehead is on the ground. His throat is raw. He feels like he can barely breathe.

"Do you remember now?" 

He does. An accident. Emmet had taken his shift.

It should have been him.

"Your place now is here, to help guide the people toward a united future- that was our agreement, so long as I took your memories." 

Ingo curls into himself. It was a waste, all of it. All of his efforts had been for nothing. He can't go home, because home is gone, home went before its time and left him behind, alone. Ingo sees himself in a graveyard, hollow shell, empty husk, stepping through the offered rift next to two plots, only one of them empty as a broken promise. Sees himself at the Temple of Sinnoh with the Azure Flute, but it's wrong, this is autumn now, his memories speak of springtime.

"I've...I've done this before, haven't I?" Every word drags like sandpaper through his throat.

Arceus sighs again. It doesn't sound as rude or dismissive as the first time. 

"You have, yes; many times."

He doesn't want to get up. Ingo doesn't want to move ever again. He wants to lay here until the world ends.

"Have you reached the same decision this time as well?"

Ingo can only nod. He's a coward. He'll take the emptiness. He'll take anything but this.

Some invisible force wrenches his head up, Ingo blinking spots and stars and dampness out of his eyes to see again. There's a bright spot right in front of him, the Halo of Arceus fanned out around it. It’s aimed like a bullet right between his eyes.

"Very well then. Until next time."

Ingo wakes up in his bed, jolted out of a dead sleep by someone knocking at his door. Gods, his hip is killing him, the hell did he do, sleep on a damn rock? Ingo roots around in his pockets- he must have really worn himself out doing...something, to have fallen asleep in all his clothes- and pulls out some weird blue wooden instrument that he recognizes as Akari's. Ingo is going to start making her check all her pockets before she departs, if she keeps leaving this thing here with him.

Ingo yells to the door that he'll be there in just a moment, and fumbles around until he finds his hat. It's too bright out and he's barely awake, he wants to hide his eyes under the shade of it for a while longer.

Ingo drags himself to the door and opens it, and Irida is on the other side, all but bouncing in place, eyes and smile bright. Ingo is instantly in a better mood and happy for her- whatever just happened must have been really good. He hasn't seen her quite so excited since Palina and Iscan's daughter had been born. Irida happily tells him that she got his message yesterday- she got here as soon as she could, and she's so happy for him! She wants to hear about everything he remembers! She especially wants to hear about Emmet!!

And Ingo looks at Irida for a long moment. Scrunches his brow. Cocks his head.

"Who is Emmet?"

[deoidesign]

hi. I just read your entire comic in one go and I’ve gotta say I am in love with it. as a trans guy with hair that looks so much like Steve’s and who loves werewolves, I had to physically restrain myself from squealing out loud upon realizing he was trans, because I am currently living in a room with five other people in a small community in rural Alaska and didn’t want to explain to them the joys of seeing yourself in a character and then realizing “oh shit they’re trans like me”. I hope you are doing well, and may the gods of creativity and carpal tunnel bless you with much fruit in your artistic endeavors.

how could I ever show how deeply messages like this touch me... I never know what to say, I want so badly to have the proper words to show you how grateful I am

This is why I write. so that people get to feel like this, and I could never reflect that properly with just my words... But I want you to know that.

I hope to make something that is worthy of your love, and I hope every day that my work is sufficient to show I love you. so I'm relieved that it's succeeding and you feel seen.

Thank you for sharing this with me, I love you

[artist-issues]

absolute worst thing it could've been was "and it cycles back to the beginning."

no clear answers. no clear questions. no definitive statements. just more "guess I'll always be insecure, and we're not even sure that's a bad thing, the only bad thing is killing yourself."

I hope this isn't the conclusion they've been claiming it is. Because that was no conclusion at all.

[eepersjeepers]

Guys horrible news I finished Leverage again I fear I will not survive the winter

*starts watching Redemption from the beginning, again*

[dam-mar]

not me spontaneously crying to a tiktok with the half return audio because all i could think about was how the lawn is fucking dead since roran is mortal but eragon will endure

[bmpmp3]

blockprint of the four armed miku from utsu-p's "an alien's i love you" printed on scraps from old broken pajamas~

[transingthoseformers]

Okay it been a hot minute because all I can think about are Twitchs parallels with Megatron and how Megatron unwilling fulfills Terminus role in creating a second him and its making me so emotional. Like she didn't know just he didn't and it's just getting to me okay

Next yes Cyclonus and Slipstream have different rules than Mirage and Blades and that's because Twitch didn't want Hashtag or Starscream to convince them betray her where as Skywarp was curious to see how Starscream would respond to Slipstream, it's easy to say she was throughly disappointed when Starscream just doesn't respond

Once Brainstorm is discovered to be a spy for both sides he runs off and he manages to find Tara and eventually when Prowl finds Tara there is this very awkward "how did you end up with a kid" and Tara being like "He's not my kid" . It's a very funny mental image. Just prowls shock at what does Tara mean that that's not his kid? Is he kidnapping sparklings?? What?? Prowl is thoroughly confused

Exactly yep yep yep yep

Hmm interesting no yeah makes sense considering how Twitch is in a much different mindset at that point in time

Of course of course, exactly what Brainstorm needs! Another science based mentor! Aww yes.

And nope Prowl I'd argue that Brainstorm has surprise adopted Tarantulas instead, kid will not leave. Fuckkkkk imagine how fun of a scene it'll be when Brainstorm interacts with Nightshade for the first time!

[blocksforbrains]

me when I don’t experience symptoms of a problem for one singular day: waow…. Can’t believe I was lying and faking it the whole time…. I should tell my doctor there’s actually nothing wrong with me and it was all in my head…..

[iamthekarmapolice]

where i'm mentally at most days by 4:30 pm:

[forgotten-daydreamer]

Took twice the max dose of melatonin before the final revision for tomorrow’s exam, I’m shitting my pants and I genuinely don’t know anything as thoroughly as I should but if I sleep less than 4 hrs before it I just know I’m gonna do even worse somehow

[bittertomato]

My hyperfixations have led to, well, extreme fixations that last for long periods of time. As expected. To the point where it's clearly an obsession that becomes the only thing I talk about for awhile. It happened with Diana and LWA. It happened with certain girls in Revue Starlight. Hippolyta, Psyche, Mikoto too. But at least these were happy interesting fixations. Then, once the series or whatever ends—or if I'm waiting awhile for the next canon update—the only thing keeping my interest afloat are fan content.

Can't say the same about Morgan and LB6. I'm so completely unwell after crawling out of the sludge of tragedy known as LB6. The chapter may have come to a close but boy am I still clawing at my heart—with or without fan content to fuel my insanity.

[froggysoup]

the way it takes me hours to make even a sketch because i get distracted every five minutes...... help

[deoidesign]

apologies for kinda spam-liking your ttawebcomic posts, I've just discovered tta and binged the whole thing in two-to-three hours

I am going to EAT YOUR ART STYLE IT GENUINELY MAKES ME WANT TO CRY FROM HOW BEAUTIFUL IT IS. I HAVEN'T BEEN INSPIRED TO MAKE ILLUSTRATIVE ART IN SO LONG BUT YOUR WORK HAS INSPIRED ME

never apologize for spam liking, the posts are there and tagged for you to be able to find them easily! I want you to like them haha

I'm only sorry that I am. very sure I have forgotten to tag many pieces... I should go through my archive and address that soon probably.

And thank you so much, this is the highest honor I think an artist can have, inspiring someone else. I genuinely hope you have an incredible time drawing and you get to learn more about yourself through it

[cordelias-toucan-husband]

les mis no longer trending. nice going team, pack it in i'll see you next year

[the-crow-binary]

I think i know how to resume perfectly (my vision of) Mathias' evolution and changes throughout the centuries, in just one sentence:

Pre-Elisabetha's death Mathias would highly DESPISE Dracula if he were to meet him post-Lisa's death.

And there's multiple reasons why (get ready for the long post):

Firstly, Mathias has a hard time understanding his hate for humankind. He can imagine the pain of losing Elisabetha, and how MAD at God he would be if it were to truly happen (the man spent his whole life serving him, wishing for nothing more than his lover's safety, and it's the ONE thing he didn't grant him. I would be pretty upset too ngl), so he can kind of understand how Dracula must feel about Lisa's, but not to the point of wanting the whole world gone. Even about Elisabetha's death, because he hadn't gone through it yet, imagining him hurting Leon in such a cruel way is hard for him (still can't decide if he cared about Sara or not tbh).

So yeah, we're off to a good start with Mathias who doesn't understand Dracula's decisions... and then comes the second reason why he would despise him: THEY HAVE A SON AND HE TRIES TO KILL HIM ?? THE FUCK ?? Knowing how much Mathias loved Elisabetha (and since Dracula still seems to care for Alucard), pretty sure he would have been the HAPPIEST man in the world if he had had a child with her. So he CAN put himself in Dracula's shoes regarding the son he had with Lisa (and can also imagine how it feels to love her)... wich is why he, once again, can't understand him, and what could POSSIBLY drive him to try and kill THEIR SON. MULTIPLE TIMES, MIND YOU. There's grief, there's hate, and then THERE'S TRYING TO KILL THE CHILD YOU AND YOUR WIFE HAVE BEEN RAISING AND LOVING FOR YEARS.

It doesn't get much better than that. The more Mathias learns, the less esteem he has for future him. The curses, the wars, the deaths, the manipulations... the never-ending, seemingly always-growing hatred. The absolute egoism, the disrespect he has for both their wives for going against what they both would've wanted (aka NOT trying to kill people). AND he trapped LEON'S FAMILY into HIS never-ending cycle of death and destruction ? It's very simple: Dracula represents everything Mathias hates about himself and has always feared to become.

I can see him as being a man who doesn't trust nor love easily. Getting on is good side is a prowess in and of itself that not many people has been able to achieve in his entire human life. So to be someone he doesn't only tolerate, but CARE about, is basically a miracle. And when he cares, he REALLY cares, as shown with Elisabetha (and even Leon). I can also see him as having low empathy. In the sense that, if he doesn't like you to begin with (not hate you either, just, is neutral about you because he doesn't even know you for example), he just can't bring himself to care about your misery. He doesn't understand you and can't put himself in your shoes (wich is also the reason why he doesn't understand Dracula himself). Now it doesn't mean he won't do the "right thing", or at least what he THINKS it is. But that's because there was people to directly tell him what was wrong and right, not because he would feel it himself. And i definitely don't think he had only good influences in his life... Leon and Elisabetha were probably a good chunk of his most humane decisions.

But anyway, the point is, i think Mathias have feared more than once that he would end up as a cruel, uncaring man. He was completely aware of how different people can see the world from him. Mathias have a very "blunt" view, one that make him forget about basic, real human emotions sometimes, to favors "facts" over "feelings". It can be a good thing sometimes, but it not always is. Elisabetha and Leon probably told him many times how he needs to take others into consideration more (he has less problem doing so with the people close to him than with random strangers, or even his own men). And as rough and demanding Mathias can be, he doesn't want to be a bad guy. As hard it is for him to feel empathy or sympathy, he wants to do good, to be good, just... well, he has his own way.

So when he comes face to face with Dracula, with the very personification of evil, of cruelty and everything he has ever feared to become... how can he not despise him ? How can he not be absolutely disgusted, hopeless, even ? The despair in the face of his own future is so grand he can't even bring himself to actually hate the guy. Mind you, Dracula can't understand Mathias either. And he sure doesn't "like" him. He forgot how it felt to be him. He disdain him for being "weak", for being... simply human. He wants Mathias to become like him, while Mathias wish Dracula would come back to be like him. They can't see eye to eye, because they're so, so different... yet so similar at the same time.

And i think it could be use for a very interesting story. One where, while Dracula learns to appreciate his human side once again and be better, Mathias learns to let go and accept his terrible fate. Then, both their previous wishes will come true: Dracula will go back to be like Mathias, while Mathias will become the Dark Lord.

A tragedy, truly.

[necromancers-incorporated]

Unholy disinterest, the opposite of divine intervention