#and so every time i reread it this line kills me

[galaxymagitech]

For the WIP Ask Game

Continuing an ask from @birdieisnotwriting

✏️"what are your current WIPs about?"

I...have a truly terrifying number of WIPs. So I'll stick to the ones that are either particularly interesting or that I intend to eventually post.

fool me twice — A Tim-centric fic where some of Bruce's more recent physical abuse leaks into the 90s where Tim was initially Robin. It starts small and slowly gets worse and worse. Tim keeps trying to draw lines, but he shifts them back every time Bruce crosses them. About 1/3rd to 2/5ths of this fic is written, and I go back to reread it sometimes, but I'm not sure I'll ever finish it. It's kind of a spiritual precursor to fool me thrice, to the point where I cannibalized the name, but it's a distinct story.

Reverse Robins Damian Discussion — Set in my Reverse Robins AU. When Jason realizes that Tim was worried about him being around Bruce and Damian, he's afraid that he's in danger. Tim is like, "oh, Damian grew up, and Bruce hated Damian specifically, so you're fine". Jason asks questions and Tim theorizes on why exactly Bruce and Damian's relationship was so awful and why it's better now. This story serves as a bridge between Damian's time as Robin and the present day.

Two Truths and a Lie — Inspired by Batman and Catwoman debating the circumstances of their meeting. Jason has a conversation with Talia, but he can't remember which version of canon is true. It's very uncomfortable. I probably won't finish this one.

Robin Hood — In a universe where Jason didn't die, Tim ends up in foster care after his parents' kidnapping goes south. Unfortunately, Tim doesn't quite have the computer skills that Batman and Oracle taught him, but he's still no slouch. Between trying to pass his classes, deal with his neglectful and ever-so-slightly abusive foster parents, and prevent himself from being lost in Gotham's corrupt foster care system, Tim has his hands full. Still, he finds himself drawn to Gothem's vigilantes. So when Batman goes missing (due to Bane) and substitute Batman attacks a Robin who has nowhere to go, Tim tries to help.

Hallucinatory Cellmate — Jason ends up trapped in some sort of magic stasis zone, an infinite expanse of white. He's just starting to go crazy when Tim shows up, equally trapped. Over the next few weeks, Jason gets to know Tim. But when he escapes, it turns out Tim was just a hallucination, and Tim isn't nearly as pathetic and forgiving as how Jason hallucinated him, and Jason has to reconcile his imaginary version of Tim with the real one.

Better Than Batman — Near the end of Post-Crisis, Jason Todd is captured in all his unhinged glory. One by one, his family talk to him and try to convince him to stop killing. Whether they're successful or not, I have yet to decide, but this is my attempt to explore exactly what unconventional arguments the Bats might make that actually have the potential to convince Jason.

Calling All the Monsters — A murderous comedy. Damian's attack on Red Robin is more successful than he expected. After Damian cuts his line, an injured Tim manages to escape into an assassin-infested Gotham. Damian decides that he has passed the point of no return and needs to kill Tim, even though he feels guilty for what he did. He teams up with various shady figures, including Red Hood and Prudence Wood, thinking they're all helping him kill Tim. Meanwhile, they all think they're helping Damian save Tim. Tim thinks everyone is trying to kill him.

Burden — Dick leaves Wayne Manor after Bruce fired him. If he is no longer Batman's partner, he knows has no place in Bruce's home. But when the heat is broken in his cheap apartment, Dick is forced to swallow his pride and return home.

it beckons me to stay — An exploration of Tim and Damian's brotherhood set 5-10 years in the future. In the intervening years, the rest of the family has died. They are both extremely traumatized.

Pawn to D3 — Reverse Robins Titans Tower AU (but not set in my main RR universe). Tim breaks into Titans Tower to kill Jason. It's not personal, but he needs to provoke Bruce, and killing a vigilante is better than killing a random civilian. If Batman needs a villain, Tim will give him one. (Eventually he snaps out of it and realizes that treating a teenager as a pawn in a war is Bad, even if he’s also treating himself like a chess piece.)

Tim Befriends the Gremlin — Described here!

Flood Sequel — Literally a sequel for Flood lol. Reverse Robins. Jason befriends Dick. Tim mentors them both. When Tim finally confronts Bruce, it goes…differently than expected, thanks to his little brothers’ interference.

Be My Robin Fic — This one is almost done! A Tim joins Jason during Battle for the Cowl AU. In a universe where Batman was just a bit worse and just a bit more out of control, the idea of having to work with a cruel, murderous Batman doesn't seem so unusual to Tim. Plus, Tim knows that Damian has to be Robin to get him to stay. So, Tim gets a new Batman.

Tornado — Five times Reverse Robins!Damian was uprooted + one time he found home. Features Damian navigating his fraught relationships with Bruce, Duke Thomas, Tim Drake, and Jonathan Kent as he grows up.

Haunted House — Jason steals Batman's tires two years earlier than in canon, and the effects cascade from there. Bruce doesn't make Jason Robin, but he does adopt him. Meanwhile, Dick is still in Wayne Manor, but he and Bruce are on the outs. Jason overhears some extremely out-of-context conversations, sees that Dick has bruises (from being Robin) and freaks the heck out. This one is almost finished, but I've since found a very similar work, so I'm trying to figure out what I can do to make this fic unique.

[wintersettled]

Odasaku's "someday in a room with a seaside view" and Nanami's "Malaysia... Kuantan would be nice...." in a competition to see which will be my final straw

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Rereading The Lightning Thief as an adult was such an odd and gratifying experience. I just finished the book in one day yesterday, and here are the things I made note of to myself:

-Wayyy less of the book than I remember is the quest. So much time is spent building up Percy's character, and his life and backstory.

-Percy is such a little asshole, it's hilarious. He is SO RUDE to everyone, it's my favorite. I want to live with how much more of a dick he is than I remembered. I remember golden boy teen Percy who's good at everything and is effortlessly cool in the perceptions of others in the later books best. Like, we obviously know him better, but I kinda forgot about his snotty little asshole sixth grader origins.

-As someone that works in the school system, he's so accurate to me it hurts. It's so relatable, his one teacher believing in him, him getting frustrated when the material doesn't come to him like it does the other kids. I don't have ADHD and I could just feel all those feelings. It's great.

-Every time Percy thinks about the "betrayal of a friend" line in his prophecy, I swear Luke is mentioned in the next line, or pops up in the next scene. I just appreciate Rick not going out of his way to seem smarter than his audience. He wants his readers, middle schoolers, to have the tools to solve the mystery.

-I can't remember if I knew his dad was Poseidon before the reveal. As an adult, it seems like almost a slap in the face it's so obvious, but I am pissed I can't remember if I was excited and surprised by the reveal.

-Annabeth is also a bitchy child, she's literally so bitchy. We don't focus on it enough.

-I definitely remember when it hit me as a child that Gabe was abusive. It was way after I read this book. I kind of like how casually the domestic violence is sprinkled in. Not only is it a children's book where that is not the focus, but Percy acts like how most kids would, I think. It's pretty fine and normal that Gabe hits him, he only goes ballistic when he finds out he hits Sally. Obsessed with how Rick, by even only barely telling us Gabe is abusive, is still like "-And we should kill him for it."

-Annabeth's crush on Luke was so obvious, she should be embarrassed.

-Totally forgot we have Gabe to thank for Percy for sure being an FBI fugitive and definitely on the no fly list irl as well as from Zeus. He's such a massive asshole.

[lotusarchon]

been rereading svsss soooo combining my current hyperfixations here

everytime there's a reader isekai au it's always them loving the universe they've transmigrated into but what about a reader who's a borderline HATER (me) of black myth wukong or lego monkie kid

(tdlr: this does not represent how i feel about either video game and show, because i like them both, the fandoms are just...eh...but i do think it'll be funny lmfao)

i'm talking a full time hater. they've read jttw and fssy and of COURSE they love those books, they're a huge myth nerd.

then they take one fucking look at the adaptions inspired by them and immediately go "oh fuck no"

a reader who DESPISES lmk's portrayal of sun wukong because what the fuck do you mean he's not a buddhist after his journey? what do you mean he didn't kick the jade emperor's ass and fucking isn't badass and cool? what the fuck do you mean the six eared macaque is his 'best friend' and people SHIP them?? what do you mean no one likes tripitaka and apparently the three other pilgrims were reincarnated when that isn't factually correct??

a reader who positively despises the plot line in lmk because WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN NEZHA'S DEMOTED TO SOME CANON FODDER WHEN HE SHOULD BE BADASS?? or...or AZURE LION BEATING THE JADE EMPEROR?? WHO THE FUCK EVEN IS THE BROTHERHOOD EWWW!? what do you mean this dragon girl has the samadhi fire ew ew ewww what is this plot...

reader who fights with fans because of their (barf) mindset and also shut?? up?? about nezha being a 12 year old?? gross ass??

reader who watches the show religiously but only to find every flaw in it and when people argue about the show being a children's only audience they fight back with "idgaf if it's for kids they should teach it properly dumb fucking cunts gtfo my dms before i doxx you"

same thing with black myth wukong tbh. reader who hates black myth wukong because...no...no, sun wukong most certainly wouldn't do that. graphics are fine whatever but but this is?? inaccurate??

reader who's tearing into fanboys too because shut the fuck up about this character pingping bring sexy and also why the fuck does she exist?? why is red son not actually pif's son?? why is there some fucking random monkey tryna collect those whatchamacallit (relics) NO THIS IS WRONG

reader who's gagging cause...sun wukong wasn't in love with nobody and why is there a brief fucking romance plotline with the monkey 2.0 wasn't this a fighting game ewew get it AWAAAAY

reader who hates and then...uh oh. too much dumplings is making them choke....guys...guys i think they're dying??

reader who wakes up in bmw or lmk as some... rabbit spirit? (so weird) but absolutely SEETHING at being here because oh fuck this bitch ass god awful plot suck my cock we are NOT DOING THIS

reader deciding that avoiding the obnoxious characters would definitely be better for their sanity....only for some blasted loud ass obnoxious stupid cunt fucking google translated voice pings in their head... telling them if they don't participate in the plot they'll be executed

reader thinking they'd rather die but then the system goes "oh, you thought we were joking?" and gives them the worst experience ever that by the end of it they have to swallow their pride and participate in the plot....☹️ Unfortunately

reader who accidentally wifes up the characters and has to deal with everyone forgetting their roles...and the system threatening them about the plot too like bro how is this my fault these bitches are dumb? fuck you mean you're gonna kill me ag- no, no, you're right uh i'll fix it i'll fix it.

Anyways I'm gonna write a fanfic with an OC like this cause it's too funny to pass up and also I'm 100% gonna die with my wipes hahahaha fuck..

[mxtxfanatic]

Hm, I know I said at least in my first reading of mdzs that I felt like Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng were actually friends as kids, I would like to remind folks that the catastrophic breakdown of their friendship was not because of some misplaced care but because Jiang Cheng is a stagnant character whose whole role in the story is to be the one who never learns, changes, and grows past his insecurities and resentments. They were always going to fall out with each other, even if the Sunshot Campaign never happened, even if the Wen Clan didn’t exist as a subjugating force terrorizing the other clans, because no matter how much Jiang Cheng cares about anyone, he will always place his personal resentments first.

I’m so serious: reread the pre-fall of Lotus Pier parts of the novel (flashback extras included), and tell me how many times Jiang Cheng says something genuinely nice about or to the benefit of Wei Wuxian without prompting. Point to me places where Jiang Cheng puts himself on the line for Wei Wuxian that is not him distracting the Wen. Compare the number of unambiguously positive interactions they have to the number of interactions they have in total, and I bet you’ll see that the positives are laughingly scant. Most every interaction they have together, Jiang Cheng is being a negative nancy. He’s the type of friend who, if you said “Today is a good day!” would snidely respond back, “What’s so good about?” before loudly complaining about what a nuisance your happiness is. Jiang Cheng is the type of friend that tells you that everyone else hates you because you’re so annoying, and you need to do something about that because he also finds you annoying so you should be lucky he “puts up with” you. And all of this negativity can be directly traced back to the resentment Jiang Cheng feels caused by his own mother projecting her insecurities onto him. Jiang Cheng, who cannot grow, learn, or change, is unable to extract his own self from his mother’s insecurities, ending up inheriting them as his own, instead.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like teen!Jiang Cheng is some irredeemable monster (that is reserved for his adult self), but Wei Wuxian already shows signs of being tired of his attitude as kids. He snaps at Jiang Cheng rudeness in the lotus pod seeds extra. He constantly admonishes Jiang Cheng about his blatant disregard for the lives and safety of other people. Most of the time, Wei Wuxian won’t even engage in the petty little remarks that Jiang Cheng makes, just treating it like nobody had spoken at all. The only times Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian move as a unit is when they have a common enemy—like Jin Zixuan—but without that, they are only held together by the fact that…they’ve been friends for a long time.

And this kinda leads me back to the point about the yunmeng friendship not being able to withstand the test of time even without an outside conflict: I would place the point of no return for their relationship at Wei Wuxian killing the xuanwu of slaughter, not at the fall of Lotus Pier. Wei Wuxian is one of two individuals that killed a mythological bloodthirsty creature responsible for hundreds of deaths, spent a week in a coma from his injuries and lack of immediate care, and what does he get for it? Jiang Cheng shows up with soup gifted to Wei Wuxian by Jiang Yanli, except he’s eaten all the meat out of it. Jiang Fengmian gives the most lukewarm praise to Wei Wuxian for his achievements—which Wei Wuxian neither complained about nor called him out for—because they were both trying to be mindful of Jing Cheng’s insecurities, and Jiang Cheng still made it about himself. When Madam Yu storms in to yell about how Wei Wuxian is a “bastard child” and he’s just trying to show off, Jiang Cheng consciously and unambiguously sides with his mother. Wei Wuxian had to drag his feverish body out of bed—after just awakening from a week-long coma—to placate pity-party Jiang Cheng, and the only thing that makes him feel better is not promises of continued friendship but of servitude. Even if at this point Wei Wuxian was still viewing Jiang Cheng as a—admittedly caustic—friend, Jiang Cheng’s view had fully transitioned from “annoying friend my mother hates” to “the servant I need to keep in line lest he overshadows me.” If anything, the fall of Lotus Pier, the debt placed on Wei Wuxian by the Jiang leaders, and the subsequent war probably allowed their friendship to last longer than it naturally would have (remember, they are only united against outside forces).

All this to say that while Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian may have started out as genuine friends in their childhood, their transition to enemies has absolutely nothing to do with that care. Sometimes we fall out with people because we just do not like them as people. Jiang Cheng’s resentment prevented him from appreciating Wei Wuxian as a person, leading to the end of their friendship and their descent into eventual enemies. Not misplaced or warped care, just pure, undeniable resentment.

[fenrysmoonbeamswife]

"Nesta is a bitch but I love her" "Nesta is cruel" "Nesta's actions shouldn't be justified" "Nesta needs to make up for what she did" "Trauma doesn't excuse her shitty behaviour" "Nesta is so mean" "Nesta is morally grey" "I hate Nesta for what she did" "Nesta made mistakes" "Nesta needs to be held accountable for the things she did"

Where????????? What things???????

I feel like people latch on to these narratives without any thought to them. Anytime someone says something along the lines of this^ shite they can only back it up with the same crap that they all spout. Like the words people use are so over the top, please give me an example of actual full blown cruelty from Nesta? Because I can write a fucking bible on each and every person in Feysand's little circle but no one seems to care about that. So why is it okay for the rest of them but not Nesta when they are all 100x worse. And if you want to go there with hOw ShE tReAtEd FeYrE, they were both as bad as each other so get t'fuck. And the way the Inner Circle treat people? There's a reason the only ones who seem to like them are each other.

Nesta isn't a bitch, she sets boundaries

Nesta is not cruel, she can be cold

What fucking actions? What did she do? Saving everyone? Multiple times? Setting aside her own trauma for her sister for months? Going to find Feyre? Helping them win the war? And make up for her actions? Hasn't this woman done enough? When does it end??

What shitty behaviour? Saying no? Not acting like the IC are gods?

Nesta is mean when provoked. One of these days I will force myself to get through a reread this stupid series and highlight every time she is mean and oh look you'll see someone else fucking started it. She is not mean for defending herself or for being better at it

Nesta is not morally grey, this girl could not have more set morals if she tried. That is literally one of the biggest reasons she doesn't get on with Rhysand

Again what did she do????

What mistakes???? Oh she didn't parent her sister??? She didn't accept Papa Archerons neglect?? She didn't drag Feyre back kicking and screaming from the woods?? She didn't get herself killed hunting?? She wasn't interested in a man who treated her like prey?? She doesn't give a fuck about your high lord?? She doesn't like Mor's dress?? Oh, prison immediately then

She has been held accountable 100 times over. She has been held accountable for things she did, things she didn't do, things other people did. She is literally held accountable for just sitting there so when the fuck does she get a break?? Even a crumb of the amount that the rest of them do? Why is this woman in her 20s who is suffering who is thrown into a new shitty life TWICE against her will and literally just doing the best she can, why is she the one that everyone decides is the devil incarnate?? No no not the guy who slaughtered an entire village and stalked, harassed and abused a young traumatized girl. No not the guy who did despicable things for the villain (I don't give two flying fucks about his mask because at what time is this supposed mask coming off exactly??), sexually assaulted a young traumatized girl and then sexually assaulted her again and hid life threatening information from her. Not the guy who literally tortures people for a living, granted I give him leeway because he doesn't seem to actually enjoy it and I more blame Rhys for this but still. Not the woman who said a girl at her worst was a "pathetic waste of life" and is a nasty piece of shit every time she opens her mouth. Not the woman who acts like she's the only victim to ever exist and uses absolutely none of the power she holds to help anyone else. Not the girl who abandoned and berated the sister who helped her through her trauma, setting aside her own I might add, and protected her for her entire life, for the other sister as soon as she got rich. Not the girl who created thousands of refugees by taking down an entire court to get back at her ex, who locked her own sister up after talking about how traumatizing that was for her. And I could go ON.

No we will hate on the one that SJM tells us to hate because we can't think for ourselves, clearly. The IC stans share one braincell collectively between them all istg

[spockandawe]

Oh, this is interesting. To me. I'm not sure it's interesting to anyone else! But I'm on my computer for once and FULL of words again, and I'm delighted to talk to myself given half an excuse.

So, I made a post about Long Live Evil! Because I cracked open the book and was absolutely taken aback by how transparently it seemed to be an SVSSS reskin. I wrote up a goodreads thing (it's whatever, I'm going to rehash the main points here too), because I was also full of words and beans after finishing the book yesterday, and after polling online friends, I was surprised to see that the comparison didn't seem to have organically occurred to anyone else, when it was so naked to me. I know there’s a TON of transmigration and isekai stories out in the universe, and pointing at one single book was a big claim, so I just had to assemble all my thoughts! I find this so interesting! And I reblogged my initial one-off post with a little more elaboration about some of the things that jumped out at me, then got on with live and went back to chipping at ORV and GHG, and shotgunned MADK this afternoon.

This is a subtle nod and a wink to my passionate love for these kind of... morally grey main characters! Calling them villains might be a bit much, I don't think there are many true villain protagonists out there (LLE included), and even Devil Venerable has a demonic cultivator who's doing demonic shit and killing loads of people... but with the ultimate balance of the heavens and earth as his priority. This kind of story is my jam. I was recced this book on the basis of transmigration and sketchy protagonists being my thing. I can't rightfully call SVSSS the best cnovel I've ever read, but it is my favorite. And I've probably reread it more times than any other cnovel.

So, that SRB post, huh? I put Long Live Evil behind me, and honestly even following up on the sequel is mmmmmdoubtful, but THIS snagged my attention again. First, the comparisons she's calling out as incorrect are wild to me. Draco and Harry? What? Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian?? (I had to ponder that one for a hot minute, but I bet you anything it's about 'the golden cobra' and 'the last hope' and that's just silly, they're not wangxian, they're MOSHANG)

I was recced LLE in one friend group, but I had an anti-rec from my book club friend group. My book club friend hadn't been at all impressed by it! And she's cool, and I talk up svsss and mxtx to that crowd every so often, without really expecting them to read it. I talk about transmigration as a plot device that I love, and the things that can be done with it! But with that connection in mind between the books, as I started LLE, I was jokingly defending the honor of SVSSS to this crowd, so I admit I was primed to recognize similarities.

I really truly did not make it far in the book before locking it down. I was getting vibes basically from the moment Rae started gushing about her problematic fictional fave, I referenced 95% certainty shortly after she makes the jump to the fictional universe, the golden cobra was 98%, Lia Mingyan's, I mean Liu Mingyan's lack of sex scenes was 99%, and the first pov section for Marius-jun was where I gave up and called it as a sure thing.

It'll be very funny if I'm wrong! I don't think I'm wrong.

Plenty of spoilers to follow, because I identified this inspiration early, I guessed basically every plot twist early, I don't have the patience to dance around spoilers while explaining how it all lines up.

Now, I said this elsewhere, but it bears repeating: I don't think this is plagiarism. I think it's tasteless to accuse an author of stealing and repurposing characters to her face. But I think it's also tasteless to repurpose characters as nakedly as happened here! Again? If I'm wrong? That's why I'm talking to myself on my blog and not messaging her directly (?????? who even does that). What are the stakes for me being wrong here? I look like a clown online? That would be terrible, I've never done that before! It's not a crime to write in ways I find distasteful. It's not a crime to write a book I think is not good, even apart from the use of fictional influences. But I like talking about my feelings online, and I can't be stopped!

But there's two aspects of this that make me somewhat uncomfortable in a less fun way. Both are contingent on the big IF. If this is inspired by svsss, I think it's not a classy move to take a Chinese story in a Chinese setting, inspired by the modern Chinese literary scene and classical Chinese fantasy, and just dump the characters into a generic western setting. Fanfic? Have fun and try to be respectful. Profic, making money off it? Ehhhhh. The question of how much change is necessary is a tricky one! It's not one I'm equipped to answer, this is not my wheelhouse or my place to speak. But it doesn't make me feel good!

However, here's where I have more personal stake:

Again, if this is inspired by svsss. It really doesn't feel great to see a queer story (a smash hit in more than one country!) stripped down for parts and made into a heterosexual story. It's not all heterosexual, we get side lesbians, we get men with homoerotic tension. But the central ship is now a guy and a girl. And it... stings a little extra, because in the story of svsss, the idea of assumptions about default (hetero)sexuality are such a central theme. A queer man has written a trashy, oversexed stallion novel where the hottest guy in the universe collects the hottest women like pokemon, and it sells so much better than the more personal stories he tried to write. He has to write this pandering trash to make money to live, he can't live on the more authentic stories he tried to tell before. The protagonist is the projection of his own insecurities and self-hate, and the protagonist's right hand man is his projection of his own ideal man. Another man transmigrates into the book, assuming that he himself is straight, assuming the protagonist is straight, and the force of their love changes the course of the entire narrative. In retrospect, it's upsetting to see those load-bearing themes casually carved out of the story and the hollowed-out remains used like this.

Anyways, in their place, now we've got running gags about how the heroine's tits are BIGHUGE now and she can't keep her balance because her GIANT HONKERS keep tipping her over.

I'm a little more bothered than I was yesterday! On the other hand, since I saw SRB's post, I've been chewing on that central ship. Full disclosure, it was one of my favorite aspects of the novel! My other favorite aspect is the dynamic between the golden cobra and the last hope (the moshang, which I think some people misdiagnosed as wangxian).

I know that the central ship here is the thing that's LEAST comparable to svsss, and the biggest roadblock in the way of my theory. On the other hand, I think it was the thing that HAD to change if this story was going to repurpose svsss without getting called out for being a classic 'bro can i copy your homework' adventure.

For this section, let's assume that I'm right and let's roleplay an author trying to figure out how to change Bingqiu into something not-obviously-Bingqiu. How do we need to differentiate Rae and Key from Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe.

First, we eliminate the martial sect thing. Easy peasy! That's a wuxia concept, and this book goes full nondescript western fantasy. She's not his teacher, he's not her student. And if she's not his teacher and he's not her student, why does this woman have power over this man, to build up the resentment that inspires him to turn the tables on her later? Well, in nondescript western fantasy, she's a noblewoman of some kind, and he's a servant of some kind. Noble lady treats servant like garbage, servant resents her. Doing great.

And to loop back around to the beginning of this a little, I think it really is key to this reskinning that Rae is a SHE. If the central ship remained queer, it would be so, so hard to pull away from the most identifiable thematic aspects of svsss. And pieces of what remain are... kind of bizarre for a normie heterosexual ship where our protagonist is aware that she's transmigrated into an impossibly desirable sexpot character!

Shen Qingqiu never considers that Luo Binghe might be interested in him because Luo Binghe is about to have a HAREM of beautiful women, he's the most heterosexual man of all time, and Shen Qingqiu is straight too! Besides, Shen Qingqiu is his teacher! He half-raised Luo Binghe! Even if Luo Binghe was bent, he wouldn't be interested in an old man like Shen Qingqiu!

Rae is 20, occupying a 24-year-old body. Her character's sexiness is relentlessly remarked upon from start to finish. Key is 18. Why is Rae so sure that he looks up to her as... a mentor, as an older woman? He almost goes down on her! He makes out with her! And she's like 'ah yes, it means nothing. lol. so funny how these things happen.' Bruh, at least after Luo Binghe kissed Shen Qingqiu, Shen Qingqiu finally got hit with the clue stick. Binghe didn't try to blow him only for Shen Qingqiu to keep noodling on about how Binghe definitely isn't into him in any sense, even the most oblivious man in the universe managed to catch on.

Why doesn’t Rae think there’s any chance of genuine attraction here? Yeah, I get that she's coming back from terminal cancer. She's doing great. She knows that the fictional character she occupies is one of the most desirable ladies in the land. He’s a teenager. He’s not expressing disinterest. A lack of horny for sexy lady ought to be more surprising for her. But I guess she’s slightly older than him and that small age gap has been magnified by the transmigration, so she conceptualizes herself only as his teacher, I mean mentor.

I’m not even mad at this dynamic. I love their chemistry, the ‘boss’ thing is cute, but lordt, I have to wonder if it’s meant to substitute for ‘shizun.’ But you know where this comparison really falls apart? Key isn’t really THAT much Luo Binghe.

At least, he isn’t in terms of personality. I mean, we’ve got the mysterious magical heritage, the healing factor, the unbeatable fighting skills, being beaten repeatedly because of the protagonist (tbh it’s sexier when she’s responsible, rather than just being a bystander), being yeeted into the abyss, I mean the ravine, to rise again and assume power as the merciless ruler of all the land. Oh, and he comes back from the dead still bearing the scar that represents her betrayal. In the original novel, he turned on her the moment he got his opening and was responsible for coming up with her gruesome torment.

(Also, Shen Qingqiu being terminally ill isn’t canon, but it’s very popular fanon, and it’s hard to ignore that with how hard the narrative lingers over Rae’s terminal illness as her gateway into this fictional world)

But! But the things that are different! Luo Binghe is a smart and sweet teenager, who had a rough start on the streets and has a tragically deceased single adoptive parent, but that’s their only backstory parallel, he doesn’t blacken until he’s thrown into the abyss. Not like Key, Key is a murder-happy sociopath, a former street kid who fought the odds and made good, and who’s a lot sharper and cleverer than the upper classes think someone like him should be. He utterly destroyed a righteous cultivator clan, I mean glassblowing guild, for the sake of revenge. Once our heroine scores a number of trust points with him, we unlock secret backstory about how as a small child, he experienced deeply formative hand trauma.

He’s Xue Yang.

It took me a moment to process the wangxian allegations SRB mentions in her post, because I was trying to figure out how someone would be aware of wangxian, and read that backstory, and somehow miss it. But it’s fine, I’m pretty sure they were actually talking about the golden cobra and the last hope! So LET’S TALK MOSHANG.

It was so funny. I was liveblogging the book to friends, because honestly, I do not jive with the buffy-esque joss whedon relentless quip-quip-quip writing style. I was struggling to stay engaged when the narrative never took a moment to breathe. And I perked up at the introduction of this new character! He seemed kind of fun, kind of meta, Key came over to share Secret Info with him, and I messaged the friend who recced this to me (also an svsss appreciator) ‘lol, what if he’s shang qinghua. just straight from svsss shang qinghua.'

Reader, a second transmigrator has hit the narrative.

Now, in some ways, he’s a disappointment to me. He’s not nearly as interesting as Shang Qinghua. Adding the author to their own narrative is way more fascinating to me than just dropping a rando into the story. But I’ll take what I can get, I think multiple transmigrators are almost always a fun decision. And for the queer reasons I mentioned above, I think Shang Qinghua ties into the themes of his novel a lot more strongly than Eric does here. I don’t want to call him ‘the golden cobra’ every time, I get more self-conscious every time I write it. And honestly, the reveal of Eric’s full Eric Whatever name feels a little awkward and… pointed compared to the sheer opacity of Shang Qinghua’s existence. Never mind what his name was in the real world, we don’t even know his name before he was a Peak Lord. I’m not upset we got a name or anything, it would make certain fannish activities a lot easier if Shang Qinghua had additional canon names, but it was an interesting detail in light of how parallel the characters are.

Okay! He’s not the author! He’s still a super-fan. He transmigrated into the book years before the LLE main character, and has settled in pretty well. According to canon as Rae knows it, he’s fated to be killed by his own favorite character. He’s fast-thinking and fast-talking, and scattered and all over the place, but dangerous when cornered and more competent than he looks. He deals in information and manages a network of spies. He’s a creative! He and the main character banter relentlessly and get along like a house on fire. He and the king’s trusted ice-cold right hand man share a weird codependent dynamic that’s part hostile, part homoerotic.

Marius has complicated feelings about not-shang-qinghua. Eric is a coward, he’d rather talk fast and lie than stand up for anything, he cowers and cringes and isn’t honorable. He and Mobei-jun also shared a deeply formative experience in their youth, where as a teenager in distress, Eric/Shang Qinghua appeared before them and announced their devotion. In Shang Qinghua’s case, it was offering to serve him (and saving him from huan hua injuries), and in Eric’s case, it was declaring him to be his favorite character (and saving him from sad teenaged isolation), but man. And in the end, after a long, fraught relationship, Marius/Mobei-jun is furious and strangely distraught when Eric/Shang Qinghua abandons him.

Guys, it’s not wangxian.

I think it hits less hard when Marius’s themes of family violence aren’t allowed to sit directly in the narrative, and when it seems like some vague berserker rage thing rather than Linguang-jun just bluntly wanting to murder him for practical reasons, but hey! This was still, genuinely, one of my favorite parts of the story. I wanted more more more of them, I would read this moshang au any day.

After that, the parallels get a little more nebulous! The comparisons between the abyss and the ravine are pretty obvious. I’m not sure why we decided to build our city and palace right on top of the pit of people-eating ghouls rather than literally anywhere else, but it means we don’t need to take a special field trip to Jue Di Gorge, which means we can do the bait and switch where it turns out Key was a heavenly demon all along. The temperamental King Octavian, the young master of the palace, one might even say the xiao gongzhu if they were feeling spicy, jealously tries to romantically monopolize half our main ship and has the other half flogged with a magic whip.

I already mentioned that Rae brings up that Liu Mingyan — wait, I said I’d change some answers so it wasn’t obvious I copied — Lia doesn’t get a sex scene in the books even though loads of other people did, just like Shen Qingqiu praises Liu Mingyan for her untouchable image in such an oversexed, gratuitous book. I don’t think it would be right to call Liu Mingyan a white lotus heroine in either SVSSS or PIDW, but her archetype is in that wheelhouse, and Lia is just a white lotus rival played straight (and played deliberately, another touch I liked). We don’t have made up animals like black moon rhinoceros pythons in LLE, but we do have leucrotas, which are like a lion and a hyena and serve no narrative purpose.

Oh, you know what else I forgot to mention? Rae gives Key one of her red ruby earrings, and he refuses to sell it, and stubbornly holds onto it until the bitter end. Is this Xue Yang holding onto the last piece of candy Xiao Xingchen gave him, or is it Hua Cheng determinedly keeping Xie Lian’s red coral earring with him even through his own death? Por que no los dos?

There are things that are original in here. I know that this presentation undersells how much of the book is original. The trouble is, almost everything I thought was good is something that either was lifted from another person’s creative endeavors, or is being tainted by association with all the other naked lifts. Some of the noble ladies have an archery contest! That’s pretty new and fresh, huh? We didn’t have any archery contests in SVSSS!

Yeah, but we sure did in MDZS. And MDZS is already in play, because we’ve already got one character who’s just copy and paste Xue Yang.

There’s a thermocline of trust in this book that fell off for me sharply, and it turned a lot of this into a guessing game of ‘wait NOW what the refrance? owo'

I’m probably on a hair trigger by now, but I’ve also probably missed some things. And I’m sure this is a synthesis of multiple influences, because most stories are. But this feels like cooking and trying to season your dish with a little salt and then the container lid just falls off.

Emer isn’t a clear parallel to an existing character! Love that for her! Love a lady with an axe, especially if she gets a nice girlfriend! On the other hand, in terms of backstory? Wow, she’s been raised with our protagonist since early childhood, as not-quite-foster-siblings, but she was always the clear unfavorite and harbors a lot of resentment over that. Oh, and once Rae entered the story, Rae started trying to speedrun an enemies to 'hello hiiii we should bestiessss' arc with her. I think she had to have an axe, because a whip or a sword would make the Jiang Cheng and/or Liu Qingge vibes a little uncomfortably strong. She doesn’t follow their character arcs! But the disappointing thing is that it felt like she was just there to facilitate pasting the frankenstein patchwork of the narrative together rather than having an arc of her own.

(why did Marius stop to give her a sword lesson? Why did she immediately sneak onto the roof to eavesdrop on the king?? It’s hard to give her credit for being an original character when none of her original actions make sense in the greater universe)

Oh, I almost forgot, we’ve even got magic plot macguffin plants. While Binghe is in the abyss, Shen Qingqiu needs to get the Sun And Moon Dew Flower Seed so he can build an escape hatch for himself before Binghe wrecks his shit. Rae, on the other hand, needs to secure the Flower of Life and Death by an arbitrary deadline as an escape hatch so she can go back to her original life rather than being trapped here forever. Very different! There’s even little side tangents about how these plants can be so beneficial to others, Zhuzhi-lang is desperately trying to secure a seed to build a new body for Tianlang-jun (which Shen Qingqiu enables him to do, despite not knowing what he wants it for), and Rae thinks about how the flower could “save someone on the very doorstep of death,” and gives it away for that exact purpose. So different!

I need to cut myself off, otherwise I’ll keep going. Truly, there is original content in here. It was just all the stuff I didn’t like. The character quipping was. God. There sure was a lot of it! By sheer volume, that’s a lot of original content. Some of the extended cast was interesting, I enjoyed the Horrors and their brothers, I liked Valencia. Now, I didn’t like how basically every girl ADULT WOMAN in this cast was in shitty teen mean girl mode. I didn’t like how immature every character interaction period was. I lost track of how many times Rae was going around in sexy clothes and rando servants were like “HARLOT,” out loud about a favored noblewoman, you know, as you do. Especially when her bodyguard is pulling against his choke chain just waiting for an excuse to do a murder. I don’t need Rae to be the picture of flawless maturity. But nobody is mature, full stop, not even the set dressing servants.

For a less loaded example, the cumplane friendship dynamic is here, practically intact. Shen Qingqiu can't snipe about authorial choices, because Eric isn't the author, so instead Rae and Eric squabble about favorite scenes and favorite ships and such. But it isn't nearly as charming when we don't see these two characters dropping their dignified Peak Lord cultivator roleplay to talk shit with each other. Rae and Eric never have a filter once in this book. They are always Like This, it isn't a secret face that gets unlocked when they're bouncing off each other, they are never circumspect, never have a filter, never have any idea they shouldn't be speaking their full thoughts at full volume 24/7. Even after this starts to have material consequences when they're inevitably overheard! It's an immersion-breaking level of immaturity, which is terribly frustrating when the original dynamic that I loved is only changed in such minor ways.

And another thing that actually tastes way more sour than it did on first reading – Valencia is probably the least mean girl of all the women in the cast. She’s delightful. Too bad that in every scene but her last one, Rae, who repeatedly references her own experiences having her body and appearance ravaged by cancer, cannot for love or money stop talking about how uggo Valencia is.

I know this is an adult novel. The characters are, by age, adults. There’s almost an oral scene. God, I wish we’d gotten the oral scene. But by every other metric, the characters are all high schoolers and I’m an exhausted adult muttering to myself ‘they’ll grow out of it, please GOD let them grow out of it.’

Again, none of this is a crime! Nobody forced me to finish the book! And I did enjoy the book. Parts of it! But that very distinct partial enjoyment experience almost forced me to dissect my own emotional response. And truly, other than a few flashes like Valencia, almost everything I enjoyed about the book was something I could trace directly back to one author, and mostly to one book by that one author. I… enjoyed half of the book. And if I can track most of that half back to mxtx and svsss, I really think that says something about how much wasn’t done to make the inspiration behind this book the author’s own.

It's disappointing! I read this book because I like svsss, I read it because I want more books like svsss, I read it because I trawl the novelupdates tags looking for more books that will hit me the way svsss did. It doesn’t taste good to be served reheated svsss with expired buffy sauce drizzled on top. It tastes even less good once I have a minute to think about what turning an m/m meditation on sexuality and self-image and assumptions about others into a m/f snooze does to the themes I loved so much. It stings to see an author rehash a book that was/is so important to me, and see what they kept and what they threw out, and be like ‘oh, so… these were the elements that mattered to you?’

Again, I hate to be redundant with this, but. I think calling this book plagiarism would be overdoing it. I think it’s tasteless. I don’t think being tasteless is a crime. It remains wild to me that she’s getting messages calling out her supposed inspiration, even if I’m simultaneously criticizing the judgment of the people making those specific comparisons. And I ABSOLUTELY understand why she’s reluctant to own up to the specific inspirations behind this book, because good lord. If it was me, I’d be professionally embarrassed too.

It’s not my job to be the book quality police, but I think someone as experienced as this should be able to do a better job of synthesizing inspirations into something original. I dropped ‘can’t afford to offend my scheming disciple’ earlier this year, because that narrative couldn’t shake the taste of stale svsss fanfic, and it was much more subtle than this is. Once again, if I’m wrong, this post will be retroactively VERY funny and I’ll be all ears to see what her inspirations actually were. I don’t think I’m wrong.

[relaxxattack]

Piggybacking off the last anon, what is it you like about Jane so much? I find my feelings on her kind of mixed but I lean towards positive.

okay i haven’t read act six in probably like 5 years so bear with me here. *cracks knuckles*

jane is sooo so interesting and it’s really a shame people miss like everything fun about her.

pre-scratch she used her detective work to literally succeed at tearing down the crocker cooperation, to the point that HIC has to fucking abandon ship and head into another universe to have another shot at her evil empire. pre-scratch jane is also fucking hilarious! if you didnt enjoy her antics with john as nannasprite you must just have no heart

meanwhile HIC breaches a new universe, and her FIRST fucking order of business is to NEUTRALIZE JANE CROCKER because of how goddamn detrimental she was to HIC’s plans the first time around.

not ONLY does HIC pump subliminal messaging and brainwashing into nearly every aspect of jane’s life, she also tries to straight up mind control her basically whenever possible! she ALSO sends assassination attempts after jane 24/7! (people will seriously try to say that jane lived a safe normal life… as if she wasn’t almost killed by walking into her backyard.) this is because HIC is fucking scared of jane, as she very well should be!

jane is also NOT a boring weepy annoying crybaby like everyone and their mother complains about. jane is literally the most fucking supportive friend and emotion-repressing dumbass you could ever hope to meet. jane combines john’s emotional repression and jade’s intentional cheerfulness together into one of the most fucked up cases of emotional repression in the whole comic

act 6 suffers from a LOT of shitty writing choices, but it’s not jane’s fault the whole act turns into a soap opera— and she’s ALSO not the only one who acts all soap-opera-y either! literally all of the alpha kids suffer from this, people just like jane the least so they project it all onto her. despite the fact that she did her very fucking best to NEVER talk about her feelings, to the point where she ONLY started telling people about shit when she was mind-controlled or took mind altering substances to make her do so! and you can say “ohhh that’s stupid she shouldn’t repress things in the first place how dumb” but, one she’s sixteen, and two, everyone eats that shit up when it comes from like. literally any other character.

people (cough hs2 writers) act like she would actually be “pushy” with a relationship on jake— as if she wasn’t literally the one who helped him make the decision to explore dating dirk?? because she thought it was the right thing to do???

jane is incredibly thoughtful and mature and people really throw all of those traits out of the window with preference for a version of the story where she Comes Inbetween Their Fave Gay Pairing as if she wasn’t, again, the one who got them together. jane is also extremely interesting in terms of queerness; she’s got the makings of a really interesting arc, not to mention she’s the only human girl that dresses mainly masc! there’s a lot there that people just don’t care to explore.

people just have less patience for the prospit kids in general. not to mention homestuck fans love to be misogynistic and berate jane for stuff they love the men doing, or claim she’s coming between them when she’s not, etc etc. and then because no one was writing fun meta posts about her, nobody ever rereads the comic to grab little scenes or lines to expand the online discussion about her! and then because there’s no discussion about her, people assume she’s boring and don’t go looking for bits to start discussing, which cycles on and on forever until we have the ripple effects we see of that misogyny today. which mostly consists of, “oh i hate jane because she was a villain is hs2”, or, “i know hs2 isn’t canon but i still don’t care for jane because she doesn’t do anything that interests me.” (and she’s only not interesting because of the cycle i mentioned before causing NO ONE to have meta discussion about her).

idk, it’s been a while since ive read so i could be talking out my ass but that’s what i’ve got.

TL;DR: jane is fucking COOL, she just suffers from intentional fandom ignorance. and she’s also a canonically hot, fat, masc woman, so i don’t know what else you could possibly want.

[bananielle]

morning desire ♡ 🌱 nakakita yuma

genre smut 2.5k words warnings est. consensual somno. female anat for reader. oral (f recieving). cum eating. lazy ending. note using my old somno sungho fic for yuma cuz.. im in a soft mood for him hehe also im Lazy !! <3 killed me to reread this like i had a visceral reaction. the amt of times i said stfu to the screen yowza. if i messed up any grammar/spelling plz ignore mwah !! ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

soft, warm sunlight spills onto the bed where yuma is propped up on one elbow, observing you sleep snugly. an adoring smile rests on his face as he traces your profile with his eyes, wanting to etch how perfect you look in this moment into his memory permanently. you shift slightly, as if you could feel his gaze on you, and turn to lay on your back.

his breath catches in his throat at how beautiful you look, with your hair a tousled mess and your lips pulled up into a small tranquil smile, your brows furrowed softly. the smile on his face grows wider as he lets his eyes wander from your face and down your neck to rest them on your exposed collarbone and the purple bloom that decorates it, left there by him only hours ago. for a few seconds, he just studies it, remembering the soft whimpers that left your mouth when he sucked and nipped at the tender skin. 

a familiar throbbing starts in his boxers and his heart begins to beat faster at the mere thought of the lewd sounds you made. he reaches an index finger out to gently brush across the tiny bruise. his touch is feather-light. he drags his fingertip up your neck softly until it sweeps up  your chin and stops at your puffy lips. my pretty baby, he thinks, as he traces them gently. 

yuma is obsessed with how plump and pouty they are in the morning; so innocent looking compared to when they’re wrapped around his cock, coated in a mix of your spit and his cum. he imagines them brushing over his tip, your tongue barely peeking out to lick at the slit. fresh, hot desire ignites in his stomach, his cock twitching at the vision. somehow, you must feel his gentle touch, because you shift once again and a quiet, raspy sigh escapes your lips. butterflies erupt in yuma’s stomach at the sound. 

this isn’t the first time he’s been in a situation like this, where he wakes up before you and admires you for a while and the wholesome moment quickly turns dirty. when you look so sweet and peaceful lying down, so pretty and innocent just for him, he can’t help it. and you were so good to him the night before, taking his thick cock so well, letting him roll his hips against yours and fill you to the brim, afterwards letting him fuck your sore, overstimulated cunt with his tongue.

the image of you with your mouth open, cheeks burning red and tears streaming down your face as he licked up your folds flashes across his mind. he wants to see that same expression on your sleepy face, wants to taste you again. he feels a wet spot grow on his boxers, the fabric beginning to stretch as his cock hardens. 

carefully and discreetly, as best as he can manage with the burning desire coursing through his veins, he slides the covers off the both of you and lets them fall over the edge of the bed. his eyes gloss over at the sight of your body: your legs parted just a little, one hand resting over your stomach causing your top to ride up slightly and cling to every curve and dip of your waist, your nipples just barely pushing against the fabric.

his eyes rake over every inch of your exposed skin as he licks his lips in lust. he props himself up on his elbow again and brings his other hand to cup your face, stroking your cheek with his thumb. he tucks a stray lock of hair behind your ear and places a soft, sweet kiss on your forehead.

slowly, he drags his hand down your cheek, then your neck, then further down the center of your body, getting dangerously low until his fingers toy with the line of your panties. his breaths come in heavy as he watches his hand slip through the silk piece of clothing. a small gasp escapes him as his fingers finally touch your pretty cunt. he massages his them up and down your folds languidly, every now and then finding your clit to rub slow circles against it. 

he practically lunges for your jawline, wasting no time as he leaves lazy, wet kisses across it, the sound of his lips smacking against your skin filling the room. they travel down to your neck, nipping at your skin every now and then, eliciting the faintest whimpers from you. he reaches your collarbone and meets the spot of the night before, licking over it leisurely, then pressing a surprisingly innocent peck to it. all the while he’s still tending to your pussy, your juices slowly starting to coat his fingers.

your body responds to him so well, even in sleep. you spill onto him, and he’s moaning at the soaking wet mess. slowly, yuma slides his hand out of your panties, watching as his fingers drag up your stomach, leaving a faint trail of your juices behind to glisten in the soft sunlight. the pressure of his cock against his boxers grows; the sensation is too much for him and a shameless whine leaves his mouth.

yuma can’t wait any longer, so he sloppily sticks his fingers in his mouth, closing his eyes and groaning at the sweet taste of you as he sucks them clean. he pulls them out with a wet pop.

his attention to your now dripping wet pussy causes you to stir and mumble incoherently. he takes notice of your movement and positions himself over you, bending down to whisper in your ear. 

“shh, baby” he coos. “‘i’m not done with you yet, need my mouth on your pussy”. he kisses the spot just below your ear, then drags his lips down your neck, stopping to suck on your sweet spot. 

“i’ll take care of you, promise” he purrs, his voice raspy and hushed. he swirls his tongue over the sensitive area as you flutter between deep sleep and consciousness. 

he continues trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses down your body. they’re starved and desperate, a mess of tongue and teeth and spit. he lets his tongue glide down your stomach until he’s reached the line of your panties. he whines helplessly when he sees how soaked they are. it turns him on so much to see how you ache for him, even when you’re fast asleep.

unable to wait any longer, he hooks his fingers through the sides of your panties and just about tears them off of you. he runs his warm, slender hands down your legs before hooking his hands under them and placing them onto his shoulders. 

for a moment, yuma just ogles your pretty cunt, his heart nearly about to jump out of his chest, his cock twitching in delight. he hovers your drenched folds, making sure you can feel his warm breaths against it.

he’s so hungry for your cum, it’s all he wants, to slide his tongue deep inside of you and glide over every crevice of your walls and make you burst from pleasure. but your thighs are just too pretty to not give attention to, so plush and soft and the perfect place for him to mark you as his. he loves decorating the soft skin with pretty pink and purple blooms to remind you of who you belong to. 

he wastes no time marking you, pausing to linger on a sensitive spot of skin every now and then, taking it into his mouth to suck and bite gently, getting dangerously close to your heat. soft pecks and sloppy kisses are placed everywhere on your inner thighs, bruises already beginning to bloom.

both hands lightly brush down your thighs and you shudder at the sensation, your thighs absentmindedly clenching together, your body knowing better than your mind that you want yuma’s mouth attached to your cunt, devouring you to no end. 

he tightens his grip around you, kneading your thighs, cooing at you while he does. “ ‘s that relaxing for you, baby? hm?” he says against your pussy. your back arches slightly. 

“i know, i know”, he sighs, before he kisses the blossoming bruises, then suddenly licks a stripe up your dripping cunt. 

you drift between pleasure, sleep and consciousness, moaning weakly at each stroke of yuma’s tongue, your hands finding themselves tugging strands of his hair. every time he latches onto your clit, you find yourself sleepily shoving his face into your pussy even more. though you were still half-asleep, somehow, you managed to lazily start lifting your hips up and down. 

yuma swore he was about to cum when you started grinding against his face. while his mouth continued to ravish your cunt, his eyes looked up at the state of you: your back arched, one of your hands knotted in his hair, your mouth open slightly. with each delicate whimper of yours, he felt pre-cum soak his boxers, his cock aching for some kind of relief. 

he removes his hands from your legs, taking them off his shoulders and spreading them wide, gaping at how your pussy opens up for him. he slides two slender fingers deep into you, spreading your cunt open even more. another moan leaves his mouth, but this time it’s not quiet; it’s loud and unrestrained, breaking into a whimper at the end. your walls wrap around his fingers so well, so perfectly it makes him dizzy. he fucks you with them, slow and deep, intently watching how your body responds to them. 

he takes his time exploring your walls, slowly gliding over them, curling his fingers every now and then so they hit the right spots as you continue to sporadically grind your hips. 

“mmm, does that feel good, baby?” he mutters, then presses open-mouthed kisses to your folds, lapping up your juices. you spasm again, your hips jerking up harshly, trying to find his lips again. he slides his fingers out of you and lets his mouth take control.

“oh, f-fuck baby” he whimpers out as you push his face into your folds, grinding against his mouth as fast as you can manage. the tension in your belly threatens to snap, your state going from sleepy to completely fucked out with pleasure. 

“y-yuma, hmpph” the words barely make it out of your mouth, but yuma can tell you’re close to cumming with each desperate hump.

“i know, i know, baby” he purrs lowly. “love you so much—mmph-so mu-mph.” his own words struggling to be heard as he makes out with your pussy sloppily, his tongue going back and forth between lapping up your folds and swirling around your clit. he can’t help but grind against the edge of the bed for his own relief, which threatens to come quickly.

you’re squealing for him now, squirming and writhing above him, practically smushing his face into your pussy, using him to get off and it’s so hot, yuma feels himself about to reach his climax. 

he slides two fingers into your hole again, pumping them in and out of you, desperate for your cum. 

“cum in my mouth, baby, please” he whines pleadingly. he moans filthily against your cunt and the vibrations send you over the edge.

“hmpph, gonna cum y-yuma” you plead softly. white-hot pleasure shoots through your veins as you arch your back and dumbly move your hips up and down against his mouth to ride out your high.

yuma’s mouth is still latched onto you, trying to drink up every last drop of your cum. loud, desperate whimpers leave his mouth as he dumbly bucks his hips against the mattress reach his orgasm.

your breaths come in fast and heavy. “yuma” you whisper, weakly pulling his hair. 

he’s out of breath himself as he calms down from his high, but he still manages to crawl up to you to place a loving kiss to your cheek.

“you did so good for me” he says softly, and kisses your other cheek. “love you so much, angel” he breathes out. 

he stares fondly at your flushed face and the small strands of hair stuck to your forehead, and he gently moves them out of the way. your eyes flutter open ever so slightly to look up at him. he gives you a lazy smile.

“so pretty, all for me” he coos, then kisses you fervently, sticking his tongue into your mouth so you can taste yourself on him. he spends a couple minutes tangled up in your mouth before breaking away gently. “go back to sleep, baby” he hums over your lips as he strokes your hair soothingly.

after a few minutes, you end up lulling back to sleep as yuma presses feather-light kisses all over your face and pulls the covers back over you two. 

hi again <3 i hate this actually like oof. i hope this was okayyy lolz i really wanna get back into writing but my brain is just nawttt letting me at all in any way ☺️ i have one more fic i’m gonna use for a diff &team member hehe :3 then i’ll just be posting wtv i guess

[silverwhittlingknife]

OKAY SO i have been rereading dustorange's wonderful post here about Dick in an UtRH-esque scenario where he dies & then comes back to life

AND I HAVE INCOHERENT BRAINSTORMING THOUGHTS:

so first, i think Robin!Dick would be just as hurt by the discovery that Bruce has a new Robin, and brood about it - but i think the shame of having died would stop him from confronting Bruce about it the way Nightwing!Dick does in canon.

and I do NOT think that he would expect Bruce to kill anyone for him (or even be upset that he doesn't? I just don't think this would be a consideration for Dick. he's gonna be fixated on "I failed." so he'll be upset about being replaced but not about the lack of revenge. and if Bruce did take revenge, i think he'd actually feel angry and betrayed about that because it'd feel like the choice was taken away from him, a la how upset he gets when he thinks Bruce has arranged to have Zucco killed - even if he intellectually knows that Bruce wasn't deliberately undermining himbecause he didn't know Dick was gonna come back to life.)

anyway so what WOULD he do??

what comes to mind is something along the lines of "Dick obsessively keeps an eye on Batman & Robin even while telling himself that he's not"

and then - say - if it's Robin!Tim (i feel like this has to be Tim because in the world where Dick dies there is no way that Bruce is voluntarily picking a new Robin), then maybe the moment when Dick steps in is when Bruce is in danger & he's furious / critical of Tim for not protecting Bruce well enough

and i feel like that's how he'd channel the hurt feelings - it'd all be deflected under shame and obligation, and then translated into the anger of "you replaced me & yet you're failing to do the job that you're supposed to do" (which is actually about projection/self-hatred because Dick would actually be mad at himself for having died & not doing that job anymore)

and Dick wouldn't want to see Bruce at all because of the shame over dying & subconscious fear that Bruce doesn't want him back, plus every little thing that Tim does differently would drive him NUTS because it implies that maybe the way Dick did things wasn't good enough for Bruce

i'm actually kind of fascinated by this now. because i am me and i have (1) obsession i am mostly invested in the dick & tim side of it sdfsdfds

so i'm picturing Tim very stung by whatever critical things Dick said to him & tracking this mysterious vigilante down, and then Dick doesn't want to spend ANY time with him BUT he's also subconsciously desperate for news of Bruce!!! so then something something Dick starts sorta training him a la Tim's various contacts with edgy non-batman-aligned vigilantes, and Tim's very defensive about how he IS a good robin so THERE but of course he's also defensive because he's secretly worried he's not good enough.

normally i would have tim Recognize dick since recognizing dick is tim's most basic skill HOWEVER i think it would be much more fun if tim doesn't recognize him so he can give dick a speech about legacy & the first robin: "i do x and such because that's how the first robin did it so it is Objectively Correct." which Dick will find incredibly infuriating but will be unable to counter since he cannot counter with 'the 1st robin was ME'

…hmmm i do think Dick ought to be angry about SOMETHING about batman's methods/attitude just because that's more dynamic? I feel like in order to make the adaptation work, there ought to be SOME kind of argument with Bruce right before he dies that he can still be mad about, a la the garzonas fight for Jason and Bruce. unsure what though?

okay let's see: I feel like Dick's main arguments with Bruce aren't about vigilante issues per se so much as they're about working in a team - so e.g.

1) Bruce being controlling/demanding, and 2) Bruce being secretive and doing stuff behind Dick's back, and 3) Bruce not allowing Dick enough autonomy, 4) just generally a perceived lack of trust.

SO maybe whatever The Frustrating Thing that bruce was doing when dick died is a thing he's STILL doing with this new robin, and dick is getting frustrated all over again sorta on tim's behalf but mostly on his own behalf because he never got to resolve this with bruce

but anyway that way when Bruce finally spots disguised!Dick, then they can have the fight again before Bruce realizes who he is <3

[allpiesforourown]

I never really do this, but I mostly wanted to let you know you're my favorite SVSSS blog here. You've got all of the characters dead on as far as characterization goes and your AUs are hilarious and super fun. It's nice to have someone that doesn't just remember the fandom version of things. That being said: what's your least favorite part of the story, for curiosity's sake?

Hehe thank youuuuu

My least fav part was definitely the vague way they handled Qiu Haitang's end?? Like every other characters got their plot holes wrapped up (Yue qingyuan got to apologize, airplanes story was finished how he wanted, etc) and then for Qiu Haitang's character we just got... this line

I literally remember jerking in place, going "huh???? she died????", going back to the chapter and needing to reread it again and finding this

DUDE. You can't go "oh we'll just assume she's dead" with two small paragraphs to kill her off

And honestly I think there could have been a lot of depth to her character. The first time I read svsss, obviously I hated her for her braindead "we treated our slaves nicely, why would shen jiu do that!" take.

But after reading and rereading scum villain so many times I've realized she's another victim of Qiu Jianluo's..

In Shen Jiu's extra we read this:

If Haitang married Shen Jiu, she wouldn't need to leave, and she'd still rely on their family for food, clothes, and money. It would be as good as not marrying her off in the first place. The plan had no flaws, other than the fact that matching her with Shen Jiu was a bit like letting a toad get a taste of some sumptuous swan meat.

Like what the fuck!! He manipulated his sister into being engaged to their slave so that she would remain dependant on him!! That kind of obsessiveness is not normal and I want to know what other things he did to make her end up in her place.

And there's the fact that Shen Jiu did genuinely consider Qiu Haitang someone he cared for, to the point he was very close to Yingying due to their similarity

Can you imagine her point of view of how things went down? Can you imagine having all he men in your house murdered, having your house burned down when you're a YOUNG GIRL, finding out it was your FIANCE that did it, and spending years hunting him down to get revenge for your family? And then right when she thought she was getting justice for her brother, she found out all along her brother was the bad guy.

Like holy shit her reaction to finding out the truth about what happened was THIS:

Give me a Qiu Haitang extra !!!!! I want to know more!! What did she think of her engagement to Shen Jiu? Did she think she was helping him out of slavehood? Where did she search for Shen Jiu all those years? How did she start working with the palace master and what lies did he tell her? What did she do after finding out the truth?? I refuse to accept "she probably died" as her end!!

[nyxi-pixie]

Hiiiii.

Sorry to bother you, I wanted to know if you had any fic recs? Your writing is so good and your tastes are immaculate, and I am starving for any kind of good content. Please?

its not possible to bother me love dw <3

NOW. i dont actually read all that much anymore bc i am horrendously picky but this does give me an excuse to hype up the few authors that have satisfied my unreasonably specific tastes 🤩.

so. a few bsd recs for you (except theyre 99% skk because im horribly predictable forever). everyone go read all of these and tell the authors how wonderful they are in the comments please <3

anything @booksandpaperss has ever written is genius work and everyone should read it. could talk abt all of their stuff for hours (and i have🤩 they put up w so much of me bothering them godbless). also our brains do some accidental crazy mind melding shit whenever either of us write fic so if you like any of my stuff you will like theirs. thats the rules. <3

like twin stars in the dark (we collide)- dead apple skk porn as a vehicle for 22skk analysis. makes me salivate i have read it so many times. they get 22skk better than anyone🙏

my lies are for you to keep (my love for you to lose) - the only take on beastskk that matters to me ever. you can actually see me losing my mind in the comment i wrote on this fic bc of how fucking insane every single line made me. theres SO much packed into this thing its fucking crazy i NEEEEED everyone to read it. thats all <3

till death, I'll give you my breath - dazai death timeloop. this fic terrifies me so much i await every update with my teeth chattering and my heart pulsing so rapidly i should be hospitalised. the first scene of chapter 2 genuinely had me on the verge of tears im unwell about it.

(elli also has some jjk stuff thats REALLYREALLY good and if ur into jjk u should check that out too.)

NOW. aside from being a propaganda machine for my fav writer ever. Heres some other stuff i love.

the second perspective by @wildflowerteas. murder mystery/detective noir stuff w some time fuckery. the au of all time. mashes aspects of beast, canon, and some extra special niko sauce into a mixing bowl and goes crazy w it. just Such a genuinely impressive piece of writing. i could talk abt the technical brilliance of it for hours but i will stop myself. you gotta commit to this thing because it WILL make u crazy. also i loveee the sskk. its like if we had the beast first meeting sskk forever. SOSO GOOD!!!!

did fate guide the gun or did you? by @kanetheo. i read this pretty soon after chapter 109 and it genuinely fried my brain for months. the writing style is beautiful (as for everything they write AUGHH!!!) and the angst is delectable. the way it intersperses more fun silly skk moments with just. complete misery. GOD. it just hits. ive reread it quite a few times and it never fails to make me go crazy. srsly cannot rec this enough.

the decomposition of dazai osamu by @hella1975 this shot several bullets through my brain and i still havent recovered. i keep thinking 'oh i should reread that' and then i dont bc some part of my brain still concerns itself w maintaining whats left of my sanity. BUT its crazy good and everyone should read it and suffer at least once. EVERYONE LOVES YOU OSAMU!!!! EVERYONE EATS YOU!!! line of all time lets all kill ourselves.

smoke held conversations by feralrookie - i havent reread this in a while but it does cool stuff with nlh and the skkisms are really good in this too. ppl often write teen chuuya as less intelligent than he actually is. hes very observant, esp of dazai, and this fic gave me that 🙏

i called your name til the fever broke by forest_raccoon - vampire chuuya. biting is involved. i blacked out reading it. enough said.

[planetmaven]

i'm almost done rereading Glass Sword by Victoria Aveyard, and I've just realized something about Cal that I didn't notice before.

Growing up, Cal was never my favorite. I favored Maven so much, maybe even a little too much. So, Cal was very annoying to me? I hated his every line and I was very irritated with every word he said and every action he took. But I was 13 at that time.

I am 17 years old now. And I've found a sense of maturity I didn't realize I had once discovering this.

Cal Calore is a burning flame. He is passionate and driven, with a kind heart, but he is indecisive, and this flaw drags him down.

I noticed just how often his trauma is overlooked. Cal lost everything. His mother, at a young age. His father. His brother. His friends. His kingdom. His home. His titles. The list goes on. He was taken from everything he knew and slammed down into an entire new world.

He wasn't even welcomed by the Reds. The first thing they did to Cal was lock him up alone when they reached Tuck.

And then when they met Nix, Nix was immediately taunting Cal for being "seduced by Mare into killing his father", but once Cal reveals the truth of what happened, they all fell silent.

No one. Not a single person, except probably Mare, has asked Cal if he was okay.

Cal lost everything. I mean literally everything. And not once in the whole book did we see him cry, break down, or fall apart.

That is a kind of strength I could never imagine.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

What are your thoughts on drarry?

spireasalix asked:

Hi! I just found your blog and find your theories really interesting. I don't know if anyone has asked you before, but what do you think of Draco Malfoy? Do you think he would have a chance with Harry? Could they fall in love or there is too much history between them? Let's make Harry/Draco canon! Hahahaha

Hi, thank you so much! 😊

Since it's a ship/character ask I want to preface that everyone can ship what they want and like whatever characters they want and this is my personal highly subjective opinion.

I'll start with my thoughts on Drarry, as I had an arc there, like, back when I just got into the fandom I really liked the concept of Drarry, so I read some Drarry and didn't like most of what I found back then. That dislike kinda colored Drarry and Draco's character as a whole for me, so it was kinda like: "I can see the appeal on paper, but I don't like it". More recently though I read a lot about canon Drarry from @iamnmbr3 and she honestly got me rethinking my opinion on Draco and Drarry.

As I stand on it now, I'm not invested in Drarry, but I see them occasionally on my dash and sometimes I like what I see. It's the: yeah, I can see it happen, but it's not a pairing I'm passionate about.

Now, to @spireasalix more specific questions.

Draco Malfoy is an interesting character in theory but I don't think it comes across in the books as much as it could. Like, in books 1-5, I find him an annoying spoilt little brat. It can be entertaining when he comes on the page, and I know he'd be whining and dramatic and make a scene. And it makes sense Draco is this way, he's an only child of very rich parents who love him, he looks up to his father like Lucius could do no wrong, but he is lonely and attention-seeking. This need for attention is interesting and is part of why he is so obsessed with Harry. It shows he wants approval and is actually quite insecure under all his pride and mean attitude. He was raised to be a blood-supremacist spoilt jerk, and he does a decent job at being a schoolyard bully without crossing any super major lines.

Younger Draco can be a fun character, he's a problem Harry feels comfortable with because he knows how to deal with him, unlike his other problems (of which he has a lot). I think part of why Harry focuses on Draco as much as he does is because Draco is a predictable problem, one Harry feels he has control over how he wants to deal with him. Which is comforting considering how little control he has over literally every other area of his life.

Then in books 6 and 7, that's when Draco starts actually having his character development, and there are interesting things there, or the potential for them. I love what he goes through, becoming a Death eater only to realize, that: no, he can't really do violence. The constant fear for himself and his family, the torture he most likely goes through, being a prisoner in his own home, like, there is so much potential good angst there but I don't feel like the books really take it as far as it can go.

I recently finished my reread of HBP, and Draco in it was having a crap time, truly. He partially brought it on himself, but he really was thrown into the deep end and he is flailing around to keep his head above water regretting ever asking to leave the kiddie pool (because make no mistake, he asked to be in the grown-ups' pool). And you see how he matures there, going from a spoilt brat to a terrified teen. In one summer he went from the top of his own little world to seeing how powerless he actually is. And, like, out of everyone, the person he apparently confides in is Moaning Myrtle, like, idk, I love that, I think this friendship should be mentioned more. Like, Draco is having a crisis over his family, his worldview, his own worth, being a Death Eater and what it means, and his confidant is the ghost of a muggleborn girl who Tom Riddle, his new master, killed. Like, there are some implications.

I find it fascinating Myrtle says this about Draco:

“No,” said Myrtle defiantly, her voice echoing loudly around the old tiled bathroom. “I mean he’s sensitive, people bully him too, and he feels lonely and hasn’t got anybody to talk to, and he’s not afraid to show his feelings and cry!”

(HBP, 462)

That combined with the fact that Draco doesn't ever really try to harm Harry too badly (@iamnmbr3 wrote many great posts about this). Like, at the beginning of HBP, he has Harry petrified and he just breaks his nose. And this is already after he becomes a Death Eater. He also helps Harry multiple times throughout Deathly Hollows, something that places him and his family at risk.

And, yes, he makes some attempts to kill Dumbledore that harm others (the cursed necklace that hurt Katie Bell and the poison Ron drank) but I think the methods he uses are telling. Draco attempts to kill Dumbledore with methods where he himself is far away from the action. You can say it's due to a Slytherin sense of self-preservation, and that's part of it, I'm sure, but I think the main part of it is that Draco is averse to violence. At the end when he was face to face with Dumbledore he couldn't bring himself to cast the curse. Dumbledore was disarmed and surrounded, there was nothing he could've (or would've) done to hurt Draco, but Draco still hesitated. He couldn't kill him even when his own life and his family's were on the line. Harry also talks about how much Draco is likely hurt from having to torture others on Voldemort's orders in Deathly Hollows, and I think Harry is spot on about it.

If we look at the bullying of younger Draco, he doesn't act out violently. He is the cruel words and insults type, and I remember being honestly surprised he physically hit Harry in HBP because it's not the sort of thing Draco does. So, while Draco as schoolyard bully is mean, he practically is never shown to be physically violent, at least not that I remember. He only starts being more of a physical threat in HBP, and in the cases of Ron and Katie, he does so from a distance in a way he isn't directly involved in the violence.

That being said, while what he goes through is interesting and has plenty of potential and I do like his character, I find him kinda annoying. Like, in my very subjective opinion, I find his whining in the early books incredibly annoying and I find him, even in the later books, kinda underwhelming. Like, I want more out of his character, idk. Like, really, all power to you for liking Draco, he just, unfortunately, doesn't make it into my top Harry Potter characters purely because of personal subjective bias.

Like, for all of Draco being a Slytherin from a long line of Slytherins, he doesn't showcase many Slytherin characteristics (yes, that's something I dislike about his character, go figure 🤷‍♀️). Like, Draco isn't cunning, like, at all. He's smart, I'm not saying he isn't, he gets good and even outstanding grades in various school subjects, and he fixes the vanishing cabinet he knows nothing about on his own. He is skilled and talented magically and he can figure out complex magic on his own, but when it comes to long-term planning or general cunning... yeah, I don't think that's part of Draco's arsenal.

He acts out on useful information on the first opportunity he has, with very little thought about timing or how to best use it and very little forethought in general. In 1st year he gets Harry and Co caught outside after curfew but doesn't think his plan through so he too, is caught out after curfew. And sure, he's 11, but 11-year-old Harry wouldn't have made that mistake, I think (neither would Ron or Hermione). In 3rd year, his plan against Buckbeak and Hagrid was laughable and only worked because Lucius could pull it off. I mean, Draco wasn't even doing a good job at faking an injury compared to Harry who could believably pretend to be the Bloody Baron to scare off Peeves at 11, not to mention lying reliably to McGonagall at 12. In GoF he makes these Potter stinks badges, which are magically impressive (considering they still work 3 years later) but are again, an example of Draco acting on something immediately because that's how he tends to operate. Like how he goes straight to Harry every time he finds something in the Daily Prophet to make fun of.

Even if we look at Draco's later plans, like in HBP, he was mostly trying to buy plans rather than think about how to solve his problem. Because Draco knows how to buy his way out of problems, not think his way out. And while all this does make for an interesting trait for him to have in his rule in the story and he has an invisible arc to break away from this thinking pattern and that does lead him to the vanishing cabinet eventually, it does make me like him less. I'm biased, I can't help it.

His ambition is another thing, I don't know if this is an unpopular opinion, but I don't think Draco is particularly ambitious. Like, he wants to make his parents (especially Lucius) proud, he wants people to like him, and he wants to be popular, sure, but he doesn't have any long-term plans or specific goals in mind. He grew up already having everything, so he doesn't really have any ambitions bigger than that. I'm not saying there needs to be, Harry isn't particularly ambitious either, it's just interesting to me that our poster Slytherin in Harry's year isn't that much of a Slytherin at all.

As I mentioned earlier, Draco also seems to be averse to violence and doesn't have as much of a ruthless streak as his house is usually associated with. Draco, at the end of the day, seems to me like a very sheltered kid who idolized war when he heard about it in stories up until he had to actually take part in it. He is one of the softer characters in the books actually, in my opinion.

While I think he definitely values the traits of house Slytherin as he grew up learning to appreciate them, he doesn't actually possess them, at least, not in abundance. Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but honestly, I think Draco is more of a Gryffindor than a Slytherin considering he is brave (in the last book especially. I want to note he isn't the same brave as Harry. Draco fears a lot more than Harry does, but when push comes to shove, he keeps going despite his fear. He's more similar to Neville in that regard), bold, and definitely has his personal code of honor and chivalry he acts according to, but I digress.

My personal issue with Draco is the main issue I have with Drarry as a ship, because, like, I can't be actively invested in a ship when I find one of the characters annoying. I have a similar stance on Romione as I have on Drarry. I like Romione well enough, I enjoy the fanart of them I see, but I wouldn't actively search for fics of them. Neither would I write fics where they are the main pairing. In Romione's case, I love Ron but find Hermione kinda annoying, I don't hate her, I don't even dislike her, I actually like her, but she annoys me. Draco is the same way, I like him, but he just gets on my nerves sometimes.

To summarise, I see the appeal of Drarry, and I can see how it could work on paper. I don't think Harry and Draco ever truly hated each other in the books, so, yeah, I think they could get together. They could definitely forgive each other everything, hell, the books practically outright say they forgive each other everything in canon. I think you can build a very compelling love story for them, it's just not a story I'm invested in reading/writing mostly because Draco isn't a character that I'm overly invested in.

[duchessonfire]

Savior Carl!AU re-read Part 2 Chapter 5

Follow-up of my re-read of Part 2 Chapter 4. If you're not interested and don't want to have your dashboard spammed, you can block the tags Duchess reads and Savior Carl AU reread.

Commentary for Part 2, Ch 5 below the cut (spoilers for part 2 ahead):

So funny thing, this chapter ("Claimed") was supposed to happen much earlier but I kept being sidetracked by Carl and Negan's slow burn. The Claimers were always going to be a part of the AU series, and they were one of the first things I added to my draft for part 2.

I will never tire of saying this: the way the series just handwaved away the trauma of Carl's near sexual assault is absolutely infuriating. Plenty of characters have had better exploration of their abuse and the lasting effect it had on them (Daryl and Carol, just off the top of my head, but also fucking Maggie who has been carrying her PTSD from the line-up for 5 seasons and one goddamn spin-off), but apparently we're all supposed to believe that Carl, who was anywhere between 13 and 16 in the series, just brushed off the time a man pinned him on his stomach and almost raped him in front of his family before watching his attacker get brutally gutted by his father? That doesn't deserve more than one passing mention by Michonne, which was more about the fact that Carl was giving the cold shoulder to Rick than about the trauma he just went through? Yeah? Okay...

My boy deserves better than this so I really wanted a story that focuses fully on the Claimers episode and explores the lasting consequences it will have on Carl. Also, I'm always a sucker for any opportunity to show what an absolute badass Savior!Carl is. Obviously he's 18, so he's not a brutal killing machine nor does he have the physical strength for it. But he's like Carol in the show (or at least before they absolutely butchered her personality and story arc in seasons 9+): shrewd and quick on his feet.

I also knew the Claimers would be the perfect characters to introduce a line-up. You can't write an apocalypse Negan story without a line-up, and I knew this would be a good opportunity to have Carl do the line-up with Negan, for him be on the side of the attackers for once, the hunter and not the prey. Back when I wrote part 1 in 2021, a lot of Cegan fics were variations of the line-up episode: some were about how Carl and Negan already knew each other from before and got reunited when Negan lines up Carl's group, other fics were about Carl working with Negan and being the one who put Rick and his ground on their knees in the clearing (I think I even read a few where Carl and Rick had been separated and this was how they reunited). This is to say that the line-up is a big and powerful moment in the Cegan fandom so I knew I had to include one. However, I also knew I didn't want Carl wielding Lucille in this one. Carl had already done that when he killed Shane and I really wanted to preserve the singularity of this moment, which would have been somewhat trivialized if Negan just started handing Carl his bat to kill people with left and right. So instead, I went with the screwdriver.

For the life of me, I can't remember where I got the screwdriver idea from. I definitely think it's from a TV series or movie of some kind, but I can't tell which. However, I can tell you that any time Carl is being a badass in the Savior!AU, it is one way or another inspired by Marvel's The Punisher, which I re-watched obsessively to get inspiration for Shane in the Savior!AU (and I am so excited that Frank Castle is back in Daredevil:Born again!!)

Okay, now that I'm done babbling, let's get into the chapter:

Carl dreams about the first night they spent in Alexandria, all of them huddled together in the living room of one house, not wanting to be split up, so suspicious they took turn to keep watch, every single door and window barricaded. They were all wary after Terminus, and this fairytale town seemed too good to be true, everyone a bit too quick to welcome them with open arms. They didn’t sleep, just dozed off in turn, jerking awake before they could start falling into dreams.

This flashback was directly taken from the series, when Rick & co arrive in Alexandria. Deanna gives them two houses but they all pile up in the one house that first night and sleep together in the living room while some of them keep watch. There's this delightful moment after, when Deanna comes to check on them in the morning and finds them all huddled together like a pack of feral dogs and is just awed.

It happened several times during the night, too many for Carl to count, but every time exactly the same. Shane would jerk awake and look at Lori, look at Carl, and look at the door. Again and again. Lori, Carl, the door. A holy trinity. Lori, Carl, the door.

Little moments like that are so important to me because, yes, Shane was a grade-A abusive asshole, but his abuse was rarely gratuitous. 90% of the time, Shane's actions were fuelled by his need to protect Carl and keep him alive. Shane only let go of Carl after Carl lost the eye and even that stemmed from Shane's honest belief that Carl would be safe inside the walls of Sanctuary, that Negan would feel indebted enough to Carl to keep him as a worker of some sort and keep him protected inside the factory. Shane weighed Carl's options and found Carl would never make it out in the wild with him, so he just left Carl on Negan's doorstep the way people will abandon a dog in front of a pet shelter. Like, yes, it's a shitty thing to do, but it's still better than leaving them in a dumpster.

Everyone is so focused on her, no one pays attention to him. He makes his way into an empty space toward the back and Carl thinks he is out of the woods when Negan suddenly looks up, and his gaze hones in on him like a missile. Carl’s breath catches in his throat. Negan inspects him for a second before smiling slyly, like they’re sharing a dirty secret. The motions of his gloved fingers on the bat turn intentional, long up and down strokes along the smooth handle that make Carl’s stomach squirm. He knows, Carl thinks with horror. Somehow, he knows. The tip of Negan’s pink tongue darts out to wet his lower lip, his eyes dark and seductive, before he shifts his attention away from Carl and back to Regina.

I love, love, LOVE those little moments when Carl and Negan look at each other and the rest of the world disappears. There are so many moments like that in the Savior!AU and, in most of them, they don't even talk to each other, just exchange a glance, and yet there's a whole conversation happening, a conversation that only they know, and everyone else either doesn't notice or is left confused by it. These two are so connected, they (almost) always know what the other is thinking.

“You were late,” Negan reprimands. “I’m sorry,” Carl apologizes immediately, hoping he’ll just get an earful and maybe thrown into a cell as punishment. Instead, Negan grins from ear to ear. “I bet. Long night? I take it you enjoyed my gift? Put it to good use? Maybe you need another bottle already?” Carl’s cheeks turn crimson and he keeps his eye down on the concrete floor, hoping that a show of deference will appease Negan, make him so bored he’ll put him aside in favor of another chewtoy. Of course, it’s never that easy. Things go from bad to worse when Negan presses the blunt head of the bat to Carl’s chest, forcing him to step backward until he hits the door. Carl grits his teeth and he drops his mask of subservience, fed up with being herded and cornered like a sheep for the second time in two days. His glare adds fuel to the fire of Negan’s amusement and the man leans forward, his hand pushing until the hard weight of Lucille presses painfully against Carl’s sternum, squeezing the breath out of his lungs.

One thing I completely forgot and that I'm now rediscovering during this re-read is how often Negan touches Carl with Lucille. I remembered all the times Negan used her to touch Carl's shoulder in part 1, but I forgot how much Negan uses the bat to push Carl around in part 2 (and later part 3). It goes without saying that the bat is phallic symbol 101 so do with that what you will.

"But guys like Pete?” Shane chuckles, and there is nothing nice about it. “They’re vicious. They’ll beat up their own kids just because it makes them feel like a man and then they’ll go around and pretend they’re God’s damn gifts to the world. So if he comes to you again, you run to me. You don’t fight, you don’t stop, you don’t go to Glenn, or Maggie, or Abraham. You come to me, alright? I’ll deal with that piece of shit for you. Got it?” Carl looks at where Ron and Sam are arguing next to their dad, a perfectly normal family. The kind his parents always wanted them to be, trying so hard to pretend that everything was fine even when they spent entire evenings locked in a screaming match, until his dad inevitably gave up and walked out the door for a drive, leaving Carl alone with a frustrated mother. Then, the next morning, they would all gather around the breakfast table and eat the awful pancakes that Lori made them, chuckling quietly when his dad would ask who wanted the last piece, more floury lumps and pieces of eggshells than cooked batter. That’s what families in the old world used to do. Pretend. Pretend to be happy and satisfied and normal. It wasn’t an act aimed at other people, to make them lower their guard and put down their weapons, like the Cannibals at Terminus pretended. It was an act designed for the family itself, to fake happiness and contentment and normalcy, in the hope it would eventually turn into a reality. But in Alexandria, just like at Terminus, Shane could sniff out the bullshit quicker than anyone else. “Got it,” Carl answers.

That flashback is very dear to me for several reasons. 1. It shows that Shane wasn't always delusional. In fact, he was often more clear-sighted than most people around. 2. It's a reminder that things in Alexandria weren't rosy before Shane & co showed up, and that they still aren't now that Negan is in charge (Spencer, your days are numbered, buddy). 3. It's another instance of Shane being fiercely protective of Carl. If the Claimers had happened on Shane's watch, you can bet that he would have pulled a Rick and chewed out Joe's jugular as well, no questions asked. 4. Even when Shane is protective, he's also deeply possessive, telling Carl to go to no one but him, because protecting Carl is his job, because Carl is his. This, of course, is especially important to understand why Carl is so deeply attracted to Negan. After his mom died, Carl's only source of parental love came from Shane, who was defined by possessiveness as much as protectiveness. For 4 long years, this is what Carl has come to understand as love and affection. And of course, because fate works nicely like that, it's exactly the same way that Negan expresses his own love and affection: through protectiveness and possessiveness.

“I feel bad for what happened to that Savior girl,” Eduardo says at one point, interrupting Davey’s frustrated monologue about Richie’s choice of music. Behind the wheel, Davey scoffs. “You ever met Lara Lee? She would have shanked her own mother for a fix.” Eduardo shakes his head. “Still, man. She didn’t deserve to die like this.” Then, more quietly to Carl, “My cousin got gangraped. Before. Some white college douchebags at a party spiked her drink, even filmed it. That video went through the whole school. It was sick.” In the rearview mirror, Davey rolls his eyes. “Your cousin said she was raped. Girls always say that when they get found out. They go to parties and get frisky with the guys, shaking their little ass at them and then they change their mind when people start calling them sluts. Am I right?” he asks Big Richie next to him. The Savior shrugs, uninterested in the whole thing. Eduardo frowns. “Negan’s right. Rape’s fucked up. We can’t call ourselves Saviors if we let it happen.” “Give me a fuckin’ break. Negan’s only saying that because he’s got all the pussy he wants. If the wives weren’t lining up to be his private buffet, he’d be singing a different tune, let me tell you that. Same goes for you, by the way,” Davey mutters, his eyes narrowing at Eduardo in the mirror. “You think we don’t know how you’ve fucked half the lady workers on the floor? Is that why you always take their side? So they’ll keep serving you their pussy on a silver platter?”

Can you tell that Creepey Davey is a creep even in part 2? Also, RIP Eduardo, you were a nice cinnamon roll and you didn't stand a chance in the apocalypse. Also RIP DJ, I still don't know why I killed you off when you lasted so long in the series (if I remember correctly, DJ is one of the few Saviors we see fully integrated in Alexandria after the war, like Laura).

Obviously I'm not going to quote the whole Claimers attack, but I'll just say that this was the first Shane hallucination and it will not be the last. In fact, I always planned on Shane haunting Carl, and the Claimers episode felt like a natural beginning for that. A friend said in the comments of this chapter that Shane has his claws in Carl even after being dead, but this time it was for good, because it's what allowed Carl to escape the Claimers. This is 100% right. To me, the Savior!AU is as much about Carl & Shane as it is about Cegan. Shane is not going anywhere, whether it's in flashbacks or adrenaline-fueled hallucinations.

In front of him, Dwight whistles, and a girl he recognizes as part of Regina’s team hands him a walkie. “It’s Dwight,” the Savior says. “No sign of them but we found the kid, about two miles north from B point.” A voice crackles on the other end, and Carl freezes when he recognizes Negan, his tone unusually flat through the speaker. “Is he dead?” Carl finally puts the bottle down, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. The dirty fabric comes out red from Eduardo’s dried blood still on him. “No. He’s alive and well. Doesn’t even have a scratch on him,” Dwight answers with a shake of his head, slightly awed. No response comes back, and the both of them wait expectantly. After more seconds of worrying silence, the blond Savior frowns down at the walkie. “You copy?” Static buzzes. “Yeah,” Negan finally says. “Tell your team to keep looking but bring the kid home. I want to hear what happened.”

I debated a lot on how to make this scene happen. In the end, I went with complete silence on Negan's part because I felt like it would be the best way to subtly say a lot while saying nothing at all. This conversation on the walkie was of course a direct echo in the series to when Rick tells Negan that Carl is dead over the walkie. Negan's silence, his closed eyes and deep sigh, conveyed a lot while at the same time being extremely subtle. Same went for when Michonne read him Carl's letter over the walkie. JDM, the actor that you are <3

They drive in silence, and Carl doesn’t mean to fall asleep, but he just does. He drifts off without even realizing it, his head tilted against the window, warmed by the comforting rays of the sun and lulled by the roaring engine of the car. He jerks awake when the door suddenly opens. It takes him a second to figure out what’s happening, to recognize the moans of the walkers on the fence, the smell of metal and rotting flesh of the parking lot. He’s home. A pair of legs topped by a familiar belt buckle stops right in front of him and Carl blinks back against the blinding sun, suddenly high in the sky when it seemed to be morning only a few minutes ago. When he can finally see clearly, he finds himself face to face with Negan, bent down to peer at him in the passenger seat. He looks tired and angry, the circles under his eyes deeper than Carl remembers. But then their eyes meet, and the frown over his brow clears up as his lips stretch into a slow, slow smile. Negan laughs, a rough, warm sound. “God damn, kid. God damn.”

Another scene where I debated on how to make it happen and ended up settling on minimal words from Negan. Instead, it felt more right to give subtle signals of what this must have been like for Negan to think Carl was dead: the dark circles under his eyes showing he hadn't slept, his angry temper that clears when he finally sees Carl... When the Negan pov is ready to post in some more or less distant future, I'm really excited to share what this event was like on Negan's end, spending a whole night grappling with guilt over the fact that he likely sent Carl to his death.

Okay so I was trying to find a short passage to quote from the infirmary scene when Negan discovers what happened to Carl, but I just can't decide on a few lines so, to avoid copy/pasting everything, I just won't quote anything. BUT it was definitely so fun to write. Negan knows Carl better than anyone so he can tell that something happened that Carl isn't admitting to. He's frustrated by Carl's silence but at the same time he wants to be gentle so he has to refrain from just grabbing Carl by the ankles and shaking him upside-down until the truth falls out. He plays a guessing game until he finally gets it, and when he does, he has to physically restrain himself from going berserk and instead put Carl's medical care first. I love those moments when several emotions are battling inside of Negan at once: his rage, his heart, his reason, his needs, his duties... He's a complex character and far less impulsive than people might assume.

Same thing for the line-up episode, I'm not going to quote everything, but I'll just say that when Carl has to inflict violence, Shane always appears, because Shane will always be the embodiment of violence for Carl. He's the one who taught Carl to fight and be angry, he's the one who created Carl's violent tendencies and encouraged them to flow. Carl isn't a showman like Negan. He doesn't hurt people to teach them a lesson. When he hurts someone, it's either for survival or payback, nothing else.

Also, can we talk about @besosderuina's amazing fanarts of Shane and Dan???? Forever in love with their fanarts for the Savior!AU <3

Finally, he turns toward Carl and says, “Look, I know you and I had that moment in the parking lot before… And I just wanted to make clear that… well, that…” He fumbles for a moment, then seems to give up. “Holy hell, I’m not good at this touchy-feely shit,” he grumbles. “I’m sorry, is what I’m trying to say.” And it’s the first time that Carl has ever seen Negan apologize, to him or to anyone. “I thought I was helping you back then, being all sex-positive and shit. But after what those scumbags did…” His face scrunches up, like he just smelled something foul. “It was just really, really shitty timing.” “…Okay,” Carl says when Negan gets quiet and looks at him expectantly. He wonders if this is it, if Negan came all this way to apologize, but he doesn’t seem to be done. “I want to make one thing crystal clear: no one gets to touch you like that. Not them, not me, not anyone. And what you do—or don’t do—on your own free time is no one else’s business but yours. I screwed up, before. I crossed a line. And, Carl, I need you to tell me the next time that happens,” Negan pleads urgently, stepping forward before stopping himself, like Carl might get spooked if he gets too close. “Look, I know who I am. What I am. I’m the kind of guy who can waste people all the goddamn day. I’ll bash their heads in, iron their face off, make their wives and kids widows and orphans, but I don’t just do it for the kick of it. I’m trying to make order out of chaos. I’m bringing civilization back from the ashes and that means getting my hands dirty and scaring the living shit out of people so they follow the rules. Same thing goes for you and the rest of my Saviors. I’ll throw you in a cell and let the guys beat a lesson into you once in a while. Hell, I might even fantasize about having a go at you myself,” Negan says with a wry smile. Then, he sobers up, his eyes grave and steely once again. “But that’s it. I’ll never touch you below the belt like those assholes did. Whatever next rebellious little act you pull out of your hat, no matter how absolutely insane you drive me when you refuse to obey, that will never be part of the punishment. You hear me?” Carl nods, mystified. Negan opens his mouth like he’s about to say something else, but then bites his lower lip. He sighs and lets himself drop on Carl’s bed, his elbows on his knees, his leather jacket half-open like a crack in the armor. He looks exhausted, nothing like the excited showman of last night, making knock-knock jokes as he bashed in the heads of the Claimers with effervescent brutality. “Carl,” he sighs again, “I know you were all traumatized yesterday and that’s why you couldn’t talk to me… But I’m goddamn serious here. I need to know if anything like that ever happens again, especially in Sanctuary. I had a couple of guys a few years back who thought they could force workers to give them blowjobs in exchange for points, and I straightened that shit out the second I heard about it. So, if anyone tries something with you—or if you even see it happening to someone else—you come to me directly. I’ll take care of those dickheads for you. You understand?”

My favorite line here is the simile of the open leather jacket being "a crack in the armor". My second favorite line is me shooting myself in the foot by making Negan say he will never use sex as a punishment and then having Negan use sex as a punishment several times in part 3 (just off the top of my head: the failed blowjob, the sex against the door after the inhaler drama, the failed masturbation in the cell, the dick in the eye scene...). I'm a clown. *sad honking noise*

Conclusion; tldr: The Claimers never stood a chance against Negan. Carl is a badass. Negan doesn't know he's in a throuple relationship with Shane's ghost. Rick & co will appear in part 4 once I figure out how to make it happen. If TWD writers can handwave the plot away then so can I.

You can find the commentary for part 2, chapter 6 here.

[fuddlyduddly]

Hey, I saw you talking about reading The Haunting of Hill House via a trans lens and I got curious. Could you elaborate on that, please? Cause I found it really interesting.

yeah I can! I've been meaning to write some sort of article about why I feel Hill House is trans, so this is a good excuse to get these thoughts written out.It's mostly that I find the story and its themes to be very trans to me, specifically with the character of Eleanor; when I was a teen and didn't know I was trans, and I found myself drawn to her for reasons I couldn't understand yet. There are a lot of things about her that spoke to me as a pre egg-crack trans woman; the way she feels like she's been waiting her whole life for something, anything, but she doesn't know what; the way she's felt trapped by the expectations of her; the way she's so shy and withdrawing (she reminds me in a way of this quote from Imogen Binnie's Nevada: "Maria is transsexual and she is so meek she might disappear"); the ways in which Eleanor constantly feels out of touch with the people around her and can't figure out social situations; the ways she's never felt wanted ("I am a sort of stray cat aren't I?"); the way she is prone to misreading casual relationships because she isn't experienced enough to know she's mistaken; and especially how she so desperately wants to belong. Eleanor is so withdrawn and desperate for connection that she lets the House take her over because, at last, “something is at last really, really, really, happening to [her]”, and unfortunately I could relate to that; she's so desperate to belong that she'll let anything happen to her, even if it kills her.

One line in particular really speaks to me every time I reread the book: “—and then each year, one summer morning, the warm wind would come down the city street where she walked and she would be touched with the little cold thought: I have let more time go by.” To me, that's what it felt like pre realization, every year would go by and I'd feel like I'd missed something; I wouldn't know what, but I'd know I'd let more time go by. Eleanor's story is one of a person who's been waiting so long to make a change, that when a change finally happens, it's too late for her; she's waited too long, and she's out of time. It's rather bleak, but so is gender dysphoria.

I think for me ultimately, any story about a woman who feels trapped and out of touch in some way will feel trans to me (I have a Letterboxd list about that with all sorts of movies on it), but Hill House really sticks out to me because of how acute and specific Eleanor's pain is, and how relatable I found her; her pain feels very transfeminine to me in ways I'm not quite sure how to articulate. I've found a lot of other transfems on tumblr who are also very drawn to Hill House, and in a way its very nice to see us all have a special connection to this book.

also part of this realization came from this post!