#and so comedy ensues

[quibbs126]

Oh yeah, so you remember how I said yesterday that I want a dragon to ship with Dark Choco?

Well now my brain’s mixed that with the post I made earlier about wanting that dragon I showed in the games, and so now the result is me wanting Dark Choco to date this thing (well not this specifically, but something that looks like it)

…Lowkey I kind of want to do that now though

[toughbunnyforever]

maybe try writing him a note next time idk

[wiezumbeispiel]

Saw that one silly meme and i knew what i had to do

The original (by @/CAFFSTRINK on twitter):

[ladyaster]

After Isa's redemption in KH3, I'll never find it not funny as a huge fan of FFVIII that the fanon consensus is that the new "nemesis" of the Seasalt Trio or at least Roxas and Xion is Seifer.

I dunno how much of the KH fandom has played FFVIII, and in-universe it makes sense given Seifer is the "neighborhood bully" of Twilight Town. However, given what VIII players know about him, it's hilarious and cathartic to see these two kids either bonk him with copied claymores in response to him trying to intimidate them into giving him their ice cream money, curbstomp him at Struggle right after calling them "lamers" or "chicken wusses", or accidentally drop half-eaten popsicles on his face when, in his universe of origin, Seifer was a major war criminal who, among other things, dropped all sorts of horrible endgame monsters including actual malboros onto a hugely populated city (which like any VIII fan can tell you, malboros are already nope on a stick in general, but in VIII in particular they're excessively brutal).

Roxas and Xion are just delivering Seifer some belated karma from 1999 is all and I'm loving every second of it.

[karkkidoeswriting]

OC Deep Dive Tag

Thank you for tagging me @writingamongther0ses ! (like several months ago sorry) I'll tag @oh-no-another-idea @author-a-holmes @talesofsorrowandofruin @kainablue, but as always absolutely no pressure!!

I'm doing this for Valeri from BCC.

Phobias and Other Fears: Valeri has a intense fear of fire, but specifically something catching flame. When there's already burning confined fire at no risk of spreading, like fire place or an oil lamp, it's no issue, but he cannot light up even just a candle himself because sudden catching of flame is terrifying to him. Might have something to do with him almost burning alive.

Pet Peeves: People not understanding how to handle horses or dogs. For example when someone birches a horse for refusing to move because it's afraid of something instead of easing it's fear or someone gets mad at a dog for biting them after they try to take it's food. Also (rich) people who think of themselves very rational and above superstition and magical thinking.

3 Items You Can Find in Their Bedroom:

1. A pistol and a short sword (I'm grouping these), because he's the type of person who sleeps better when holding a hilt of a weapon. 2. Poppy tea for his back pain. 3. His childhood clothing hidden under a floor board.

First Thing They Notice in a Person: Probably their physique or the general way they hold themselves.

On a Scale of 1-10, How High is Their Pain Tolerance?: 10. He has chronic pain so high pain tolerance is kinda a given.

Do They Go Into Fight or Flight Mode When Under Pressure?: Fight. He is a cavalry man so fighting under pressure is pretty much his job, but he's also just generally a very hot-headed violence-is-the-answer kind of person.

Do They Come From a Big Family/are They a Family Person?: He comes from a big family, which included extended family too. He had four siblings and his grandma, one uncle, couple of cousins and second cousins lived with them too. Other extended family also spend much time in their castle. The clan as a whole was very much family. He is very much a family person. He has only his younger sibling left, but he is his whole world. There's couple of other family members still alive but he either doesn't know or they are in exile or as hostage. His only real dream for future is to get married and have several children. He likes kids a lot. But currently he's too deep in survival mode to try to actually live a life and also he is too socially anxious anyway to like try to have romantic relationships.

What Animal Represents Them Best?: Obviously a dog. He is even called a dog several times in the story and he's not even mad because he thinks dogs are better than people. He is a loyal pack animal, a feral attack dog, overprotective watch dog and obedient good boy who wants to have a master to please and tell him what to do. He is also very petable and craves physical affection (the man is touch starved), but also he might bite (metaphorically, maybe?) if he's touched in a wrong way, so like most times. I have an internal running joke that he would absolutely be a furry if he knew the concept (but like he would keep it as a shameful secret, the repression is strong). His fursona is Karelian Bear Dog.

What is a Smell That They Dislike?: Smell of burning hair triggers instant trauma reaction. But when it comes to more dislike and less PTSD, he hates the smell of fish, because he worked as a child in the docs and had to smell fish from morning to evening (I didn't say no PTSD), and general smoky and stuffy city air.

Have They Broken Any Bones?: Plenty, but surprisingly not super badly broken bones. His ribs have been broken several times, his arm has been broken, and most embarrassingly he broke his hand by hitting a wall in anger.

How Would a Stranger Likely Describe Them?: A tall imposing man with permanent scowl.

Are They a Night Owl or Morning Bird?: Morning bird. Not because he's super good with mornings but because he's slow to wake up and very grumpy couple of hours after he wakes regardless of when he wakes up, so he rather wakes early to have time before other people wake. He takes his dogs for an hour walk every morning when the sun is rising.

What is a Flavor They Hate and a Flavor They Love?: Hates fish, loves tea and sweet almond cake of the temples.

Do They Have Any Hobbies?: Plays piano and violin.

Boom, Surprise Birthday Party! How Do They React to Surprises?: With panic and anxiety. Might accidentally punch someone as a panicked reaction. He's not at all fan of surprises and he would be pretty pissed afterwards. He likes to know how things go before hand. Sudden jump-scare surprises are his own personal horror movie.

Do They Like to Wear Jewelry?: Generally speaking he doesn't like to wear jewelry, it's usually an uncomfortable sensory experience, so he usually wears just a very simple band as a fillet, and no earrings or rings. One exception is that he wears his mother's ring in his neck hidden under clothes at all times, their family heirloom he took from his mother's dead finger before escaping enemy soldiers.

Do They Have Neat or Messy Handwriting?: Pretty neat. He's a slow writer because he's very precise about it.

What Are the Two Emotions They Feel the Most?: Anxiety and rage.

Do They Have a Favourite Fabric?: Linen. Temperature changes worsens his chronic pain and hot is usually the issue so light linen is the most comfortable fabric for him. Also he sweats easily and linen helps with that too. He also really likes the sensory experience of soft linen that has texture but is still very soft and comfortable.

What Kind of Accent Do They Have? His accent is not very strong, but his distinct working class Amarian accent he picked up growing up comes through. He code switches when talking to his superiors, and the accent is much more subdued then. There's also a hint of Cerfi accent still left in his round Rs.

[secretmellowblog]

I personally can never get into all the fanon stuff that has Javert being a father figure to Cosette because I'm always like "well, he DID kill Cosette's mother....that was kind of a significant thing that happened...even in the musical he terrorized her a bunch, but in the book he terrorized her until she died in agony, and a big part of Cosette's character is that she doesn't know what happened to her mother and desperately wants to know....idk? I feel like that's sort of a significant Thing to leave out". Though again, I get it's because people are basing it on the musical where Javert is less evil to Fantine specifically

[brainfilehasstoppedworking]

11 PM at the Ishimaru household

Kiyotaka: *walking in the house late*

Takaaki: *turns on lamp and turns to look at him* My, my, if it isn't Kiyotaka Ishimaru, The Ultimate Moral Compass. Getting home late. My, my. How low of you, Taka. *shakes head in disappointed*

Kiyotaka: I told Mondo that he needed to take me home early.

Takaaki: *sighs and continues to shake head* Mr. Ultimate Hall Monitor, a hypocrite. Goodnight, Taka. *gets up to go to bed*

Kiyotaka: Father!

Takaaki: *laughing mischievously*

Kiyondo while poking his head out of his bedroom door: Oooh, yer in trouble~~~

[disc0bandit]

Johanna and Hob meet while rescuing Calliope AU

***

It starts with Johanna clambering over the spiked fence, realizing that this is maybe, possibly, perchance, a bad idea. Demons should feel like standing in a bucket of snot, and this feels much more like she snorted a tablespoon of powdered cloves. 

More importantly, nobody's paying her to do this. And she snagged the coat Rachel gave her on the fucking spikes. The left pocket is hanging on for dear life by two threads, it's content strewn on the ground. 

She lobs herself into the back garden. Plucks her notebook from the ground. Looks for her 20 pence before remembering she's in plain view of all the windows and runs to the bushes.

The man she bumps into topples over with a neat string of curses.

"Shit, sorry" she mumbles before her brain catches up to her. "Who are you?"

"What're you doing in this prat's bushes, miss? wh- fuck, not you again" The disgruntled look is wiped from the man's face as he jumps back and away from her.

"What do you mean not me again, git, who the fuck are you?" 

He stares at her face like she's got a trick question on her forehead.

"Ah, mixed you up with someone I guess. You here for the lady too?"

Johanna frowns. "The lady?"

"The lady he's keeping in the basement? Why are you here?"

"Someone's keeping a woman in the basement and you decide to hide in his bushes instead of calling the coppers?"

"You're also in his bushes"

"Fair point… OK, what do you know"

"Uh" he hesitates for a second "pretty much just that. He got plastered,wouldn't shut up about his muse or some shite, I think he's a writer or something." he arranges himself into a crouching position again "Got the impression that he's keeping a woman in his house with unsavory intentions and came to let her out… Why are you here?"

"Got a weird vibe" 

"You sneak into some guy's bushes based on vibes?" he says in a tone that is far too close to 'where are your parents' to not piss her off. She just stares at him.

"Right. Guess we're in the same bush?"

[tendebill]

[wip]

update: i have managed to do all the stuff i need for tomorrow/this week (i think. i hope.) and decided to treat myself by working on this seph piece a bit more :']

[theinfinitedivides]

'yah!!!!!' 'what?' 'you. come here.' 'no, you come.' 'i'm coming!!!!!' *brief pause* 'oh.'

[niniel-is-writing-shakespeare]

(Probably shouldn't but am) Thinking of writing a "fix it" romcom (with PruAus, probably) that would play but fix typical romcom movies tropes idk. So let me know what are the things/clichés that you love in romcom movies and those you'd like to see fixed, maybe?

Ex: I'm always up for some drama of course but gosh let it not be something that just a tiny bit of functional communication or common sense could avoid.

Idk this is really random but would appreciate suggestions and if I end up writing this I would credit your ideas of course!

[catastrophic-crow]

do people really not read in their dreams? I've been thinking about making this post for a while bc i keep having dreams and reading stuff in them and i'm finally doing it because right before i woke up i had someone in my dream type something into their laptop and pull up an article and show it to me like, "this you?" and i read the full title of the article off their laptop screen and—is this just not a thing that happens in other people's dreams? like, the not reading thing. that's got to just be an urban legend. ...right?

[mooblybloom]

Yes. Just.. yes.

Halloween prompts no 28

Danny dropped his pencil when the door slammed open and a very angry vigilante pointed a finger at him, "YOU!"

The class around him started to chatter, wondering what was happening.

Voice raising an octave he answered dumbly, "Me?!"

"You didn't show up for the wedding!"

If the room full of teenagers were curious before they were nearly howling now. Fenton of all people is dating a potential superhero?! Marrying even?!

Standing up from his seat he grabbed his backpack, "I never agreed to the wedding!"

"Yes you did! I asked for your hand and you agreed!"

Danny thought back to when he and Robin first fought and he barely managed to hold his own, "I thought you were helping me up!"

"You will wed me as you agreed! Even if I have to challenge you for it!" Uh oh. Quick Fenton come up with something or you're gonna be a Wayne soon.

"Forced marriage is illegal in America!" Really brain? That's what you came up with???

"Then we will have the wedding in 'Eth Alth'eban!" Danny didn't even know what that was.

"Thats not the point!" Danny was acutely aware of all the eyes in the room, even Mr. Lancer seemed thoroughly enthralled by the scene that was unfolding. Which is just another reason why he needed to escape. He opened the window he had been edging toward since the start of this argument and flung himself out of it, ignoring the horrified screams of his classmates. He landed two stories down in the flowerbed and ran towards the football fields. Damian knew about Dannys powers, but that didn't mean he couldn't be deceived.

Damian followed after soon enough, leaving the class to explode with theories as to whats happening. Mr. Lancer took this moment to get back to what he was teaching by connecting it to what just happened and making them write a "short" story of a minimum 5 pages of what they thought happened here.

In reality Mr Lancer was an English literature major. Loving a good story came with the territory and oh boy did he need to know this story. Even if it was essentially just fanfiction from his students.

Theories run rampant throughout the school about what the truth was. Paulina even goes on a mushy gushy speel about The hero perhaps being a prince (technically true) that fell in love with Fenton (true), got Fenton to accidentally agree to a marriage proposal (true) and followed him here from his homeland to pursue his hand in marriage (also true)

The fact that Danny was constantly forced to use his powers in human form while being chased by his "fiance" was setting off every upgraded ghost alarm they came near, leading everyone to think Robin was a ghost. (Not true)

The Fenton parents go nuts when they find out a "ghost prince/ghost superhero no 2" was chasing thier son around and went to rescue him. Danny threatens to never forgive Robin if he kills his parents so birdy has to hold back.

Danny gets trapped in a ghost cage for a while as Fenton for his own good, gets told off by his parents as Phantom telling him they don't have time for him right now. Danny is both touched and offended. Even as thier top priority he's thrown onto the backburner. The chase ends with Robin carrying an unconscious Danny in a bridal carry into the Fenton portal while the camera in the lab livestreams it for all to see courtesy of a few tech nerds hacking

Tucker and Sam had been running interference all day and were exhausted. They were lucky Dannys secret was still safe.

Aka: Dannys Unfortunate Supernatural Romance from the Perspective of his Classmates

Do they follow them through the portal? Yes, but they have to corner Jazz, Sam and Tucker into letting them into the spector speeder under threat of snitching.

No one is allowed to ask why they're following a boomerang through the undead dimension.

[4-the-l0ve-0f-art]

“The Captain’s beloved…wait, what?!”

Capitano x Gender Neutral Reader one shot

Work count: 2.2k

Genre: Fluff, Comedy, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship

Rating: General Audiences

Trigger Warnings: none

Summary: The fatui discover that their Captain does, in fact, have a life outside of work and gossip between the ranks ensues. (Cue silly fatui shenanigans)

Ao3 Link

Capitano, the Fatui’s first lord and harbinger, contrary to popular belief, was respected and admired by his platoons rather than feared. There was a widespread misunderstanding both in and outside the organization that the Captain was a harsh and dangerous leader due to his mysterious nature. However, the people who worked under him knew better as they had grown to admire him the more they interacted with him.

He held himself with pride and treated his soldiers the same way he wanted to be treated: with respect and dignity. And in return, they learned the depths of this man’s strategic genius and strength. His strength was unmatched in combat and led his people well with good decision making and training. They could only hope to be as good as him in his various fields of expertise.

He was strict, and quick to discipline unruly fatuus, yes, but that did not stop others under his command from admiring him. And to emphasize this even more, it was clear that his fellow harbingers and even the Tsarista respected him, whether their goals and morals aligned with his or not. However, this made the people around him curious about aspects related to him outside of his work and title. He was a revered public figure and people were naturally curious about his personal life.

This is where you came in. You, his one and only beloved, the only person who held his whole heart in your hands. Not many people knew of this, but the Captain was a gentle man at his core, and you had somehow managed to uncover all of his being and see him fully as himself, without his title, without his strength. You knew this man inside and out, just as he had come to know you. It was a mutual love, one which even he did not know he was capable of feeling, and that made him all the more enamored with you.

This, however, people did not know. So you can imagine the surprise on their faces when you, an ordinary civilian, came to the Zapalyarny Palace and asked for directions to the Captain’s office. The clerk at the desk looked at you blankly, as if she were staring at an anomaly. This prompted you to try and explain yourself.

“..I’m here to drop off his lunch. So, if you don’t mind..?” You asked.

No response. The blank stare continued.

You already knew that you looked out of place in this grand palace with no Fatui uniform or mask on. But you were determined to make sure your beloved got his lunch, which you had specifically decided to make for him that day as a special treat for how hard he had been working while preparing for a business trip to Natlan.

“Excuse me..?” You said a little louder this time. That seemed to snap her back to reality.

“You cannot enter this place, only authorized personnel are allowed inside. If you’d like to meet our lord, please book your appointment accordingly.” She replied on autopilot, as if she’d rehearsed the same sentence multiple times.

“I’m sorry, I know you have your duties, but I’m here just to drop off his lunch. You can check with him yourself if you’d like..”

“He’s busy at the moment, please leave your package here and we will deliver it to him.” She replied. It seemed like you were being studied like a suspicious person who was attempting to sneak in.

Fair enough.. you thought. I was hoping I would get to spend a few minutes with him and see how he was holding up at work but that can wait till he’s home. And she’s not wrong, I did drop by without notice, so it makes sense for them to be suspicious.

Fatui soldiers passing by had also been glancing at the ongoing conversation at the front desk, eyeing the lunch box wrapped in patterned cloth in your hands with raised eyebrows. You decided to leave the food there, getting one last word in before leaving.

“If you could, please make sure it reaches him soon. It’s his favorite meal and I would prefer it didn’t go cold before he ate it.”

And then everyone watched as your ordinary self left, unaware of the number of eyes on you.

…

A pyroslinger skirmisher stationed near the entrance asked dumbfoundedly, “Did..did they just say that was the Captain’s favorite meal? Our lord harbinger?”

A cryogunner skirmisher who had also watched the whole thing go down as he clocked in asked another question right after, in the same state of confusion as the previous fatuus. “..Has anyone seen them around before? They don’t look like someone who would be seen standing next to Lord Capitano.”

And as the just as confused clerk left the scene towards his office with your goods in hand, excited chatter filled the halls.

Chaos would be the right word for it. You had left chaos in your wake with a simple visit to his workplace.

…

That night, as you and Capitano settled in to relax in your shared home after a long day of work, you asked him how his lunch was.

“It was delicious, my love.” He replied, gently caressing your face with his hands while looking down at you through his mask. “It felt like a treat to have your home cooked meal at work. You didn’t have to, but thank you. It made my day.”

You smiled and took his hands in yours as you nuzzled into his touch. “I’m glad you liked it. I was going to give it to you myself but I couldn’t enter the place.”

“You should visit more often. I’ll let the security personnel know to let you enter so you can come and go as you like.” He paused, clearing his throat. “..Seeing you in the middle of a long day would bring me relief.”

You felt slightly flushed at his straightforward choice of words. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you being so..open with me. But I like it, of course. I would like that as long as I’m not disturbing you at work.”

Capitano chuckled. It was like the angels decided to bless you today, really. “I will always make time for you, my love. Just as you do for me.”

You beamed. “Okay, okay, let’s get some sleep now, Mr. Loverman. We still have work tomorrow in case you’re forgetting.”

A kiss on the forehead and the rustling of sheets was all you heard before you were whisked away to dreamland.

…

Unbeknownst to you and Capitano, however, word about you spread like wildfire across the next few days between the excited fatui soldiers. Some from even the different departments under the other harbingers might’ve heard. The person who looked like a civilian, dropping lunch packed in pretty cloth for their Lord did not go unnoticed.

This was the only time someone unrelated to work had been seen asking for their Captain and questions about your relation to him were on the tip of everyone’s tongue during break times.

Two fatuus gossiped as they watched the Captain spar in training with his fellow soldiers, admiration evident in their eyes.

“Someone dropped off lunch for him? I thought he would be too busy having meals with high rankers from across Teyvat.”

And after a short pause the other replied, “Dude, hold on, does he even eat? I thought he was superhuman or something.”

“I know you’re dumb, but I didn’t know you were that dumb, my guy.”

“Hey! Just saying… anyway, are we even sure the people weren’t hallucinating when they saw the person drop lunch off for him?”

“I heard it was his favorite meal, freshly cooked, apparently. Who knows, man? Maybe it was a fan or something. Our lord does have a pretty big following, y’know.” The fatuus stated proudly.

Their lively chatter continued until they were called back into training.

…

A few days later, as soon as you found the time, you decided to visit Capitano at work with yet another home cooked meal. You wanted to make most of your time with him before he traveled to Natlan and having meals together would be a good way to wind down a little.

You entered the palace yet again, determined to meet him this time. It should be fine, right? He did say he would inform them..

And as you had hoped so, he did, in fact, inform them. As soon as the same clerk from before saw you, it seemed like her eyes were bulging out of her sockets. All you had to do was reach the desk and she confirmed your name and led you to the training grounds, where he was currently working. It seemed like some sort of training session was in the works, with all kinds of combat taking place between the soldiers in the distance.

Before you could ask her if you were even allowed to enter this place, she bowed and hurried back in the direction of the front desk. The strange behavior didn’t go unnoticed by you but now you had to find your way to Capitano across the opposite side of the field. Since you were here at last, why not just see things through?

The middle of the field was the most densely occupied with various people fighting in different groups, while what you recognised as skirmishers were practicing their aim at dummy targets on the right side. The soldiers were hard at work even in the harsh everlasting winter of Snezhnaya. The left side of the field, however, seemed less crowded compared to the rest as people seemed to be setting up their gear or resting. Your Captain, opposite to you across the field, was busy conversing with a group of soldiers who seemed to be listening to him attentively.

You decided your best option was to take the left side. It would be easier to walk through the calm atmosphere over there.

As you made your way through the crowd, people started to notice you. They were pretty intimidating with their weapons and muscled bodies at display so you decided to be extra careful to not bump into anyone and quickly made your way across, and as you got closer, Capitano’s voice became clear.

“The heat in Natlan will be unbearable. You will be stationed in the wild all day, so make sure you have the appropriate supplies to get you through the day. It is of the utmost importance that...what, what is it? Why are you all staring at me like that?”

The group’s attention shifted from him to you, as you stood behind him and tapped his shoulder.

“Capitano, do you have a moment..?” You asked as he turned around, his armor clinking from the movement.

“Oh, my love!” He exclaimed in a soft voice. “What brings you here? Hold on, let's get you back inside. You’ll catch a cold here.”

The group (and everyone nearby) watched in complete awe as his demeanor from before completely switched from authoritative to somewhat… joyfull? Was Lord Capitano being affectionate?

“I brought you lunch, but I can leave it in your office if you’re busy right now.” You said hurriedly, not wanting to keep him busy.

“No, that won’t do, my love.” He took the package from you and placed his hand on your back. “Eat with me inside.”

He then turned back to the group, who jolted straight up at his sudden change. “Finish the supply preparations once you’re done training. All of you are dismissed.”

“Y-yes, my lord!” They replied in unison and bowed. And yet again, they watched in awe as he guided you back inside the palace, ever so gently, one hand on your back and the other carrying a box wrapped up in a floral patterned cloth. A stark contrast to his all black and blue outfit.

…

As soon as both of you were out of sight, chaos erupted yet again, more loudly this time, with multiple voices talking over the other.

“”My love?” Did he just call them “my love?” Did I hear that right?!”

“What was that? What did we just witness?”

“That was so romantic, holy shit! Was that the same person we take orders from everyday? What the hell?!”

“DID THE LORD HARBINGER JUST… GET VISITED BY THEIR SPOUSE?”

“I thought that ring on his finger was for fashion…”

And that is how they found out that their beloved Captain, who seemed to have no soul outside of his work, was a married man with a loving spouse.

This proceeded to be the hottest gossip in the Fatui for the rest of the month, until they discover more about you from another future visit.

…

BONUS:

Sitting in the privacy of his office, you enjoyed your meal together.

“..You seem to work with very strange people, Capitano.” You said to him.

“Do I? How so?” He asked before you fed him a bite.

“Hm.. actually, nevermind. It would be even stranger if they weren’t strange, considering they work with you.” You chuckled.

You enjoyed your time together and went back home, leaving your beloved in confusion from your conversation, and the sight of you fondly feeding him for him to think about for the rest of the day.

[tsukimefuku]

3rd of july ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆.˚ nanami kento

piece written in collaboration with my beloved friend and one of my favorite people, @rahuratna, for nanami's (a.k.a. internet's collective husbando) birthday. 💜🧡 content warning: fluff/comedy/sugestiveness word count: 1k

Nanami wasn't one to make big celebrations on his birthday. Up until he met you, he'd usually go about his work day quietly, saving up a few extra hours to simply go bowling or visit his favorite restaurants for dinner.

After you both started dating, not much had changed. You'd simply tag along for whatever he had planned, and would usually surprise him with something by the time you both got home - a box of dark chocolate, a new set of lingerie, a nice warm scented bath, a new CD album he had been looking for.

This time, however, you decided to push your luck on teasing the poor man.

On his birthday, of all days.

"Kento, how do you feel about surprise parties?" you ask, hiding the smile pulled on your cheeks behind your tea cup.

On the couch by your side, you could feel Nanami holding the urge to flinch the moment you were finished speaking.

"They are not my favorite," he answers in earnest.

"Seriously?" you inquire with a faux disheartened look.

"Yes," Nanami replies, with a tinge of concern to his voice.

"That is... unfortunate, then," you ensue, putting your tea on the coffee table and pulling your robe tighter around your body.

His Adam's apple bobs as he silently gulps.

"Why?"

"Well, my plan was to surprise you when you got home, but I figured you wouldn't want to get instantly jumped. So I told them to wait in the room," you finally say, with a grave finality, pointing to the closed bedroom door.

Truth is, he has no clue what you are really up to.

"Darling…" Nanami sighs, ever so patiently, "I thought it would just be the both of us unwinding, like the past years."

"I… I'm sorry, I really wanted to surprise you with something different this time."

You do sound regretful, and he plants a soft kiss on your cheek in response. Even now, he doesn't quite find it in himself to be annoyed at you, even if the prospect of Gojo lurking around his bedroom is enough to send disgusted shivers down his spine.

"It's… fine. Let's get this over with at once, and then have the house to ourselves."

"Are you sure? I could always go in there and tell them to-"

"No," he counters firmly. "You've arranged something a little different this year, and I'm going to appreciate it."

"Come on, then."

As perceptive as he is, Nanami doesn't notice the mischievous smile tugging at the corner of your mouth. Naturally, since you have successfully planted a seed in his mind, a terrifying image of his pristine suits being tried on by students and his custom made bowling ball being transformed into a disco light by the white-haired menace he calls a colleague.

When you reach the door and step aside for him, he visibly braces himself, fingers almost straightening a phantom tie at his throat.

"Sweetheart, I need to go and fetch a scarf. It's a little chilly in here."

Bless his heart. He's actually playing along.

You raise your voice.

"Oh, I left the blue one on the top shelf. Your closet."

"Right."

Nanami heads in with the air of a man charging from the trenches to face a volley of cannon fire. He stops dead in his tracks, eyes taking in the room.

It is empty of people, for starters.

The comforter on the bed has been pulled back, the white sheets scattered with rose petals. Candles have been placed strategically on the bedside table and vanity, emitting the subtle scent of the ocean. On a corner of the bed, a few ribbon-wrapped gifts await; a small stack of books and a box of his favourite dark chocolate with orange.

You saunter in behind him and he turns to you with a look that is both a solemn reprimand and a loving promise of a punishment you may appreciate later.

"Hmm. It's awfully crowded in here, my dear."

"Well, the rose petals were quite chatty, Kento. They've taken up all the space on our bed."

"They have indeed, you little-"

You laugh as you slip out of his reach, standing coyly in the doorway.

"Have a look at your gifts first."

He narrows his eyes, but approaches the bed, fingers unraveling the ribbon that holds the books together.

"What do we have here? 'The Master and Margarita.' Ah, wonderful. 'Bowling your way home: A salaryman's escape from bondage.'"

He pauses and raises an eyebrow and you gesture airily for him to keep going.

"Fine. What's this one? The-"

His voice cuts off abruptly.

"Kento? Are you all right?"

Very slowly, he turns to you.

"You got me the Kama Sutra?"

"I figured it would make a nice addition to your collection. I may even borrow it, from time to time."

You approach him now, casually opening the book to where you've placed a strategic leather marker within the section on sex positions.

"Since it's your birthday, maybe you'd like to start with the Virsha here?"

He considers the page seriously, before taking the book from you and flipping through it.

"I'm not sure, darling. You've put in enough effort setting all of this up."

Handing it back to you, he watches the flush that spreads upwards, across your neck as you are presented with the Indrani pose he has chosen instead.

"How about you let me do the work from here on out?"

"Well... "

"No, I insist."

His voice has that special intonation now, the husky rumble of desire, the inflection of hushed intimacy, the promise of that playful nature that only reveals itself when you're entangled in the sheets together.

You lay the book down, open to the very instructive illustration.

"In that case, let me present you with my last gift."

"There's another?"

Wordlessly, the robe you've been so studiously arranging around yourself slides to the floor. His kindling gaze takes in the sheer, violet lace, the tiny flowers embroidered strategically over the parts of you that he will discover at leisure.

***

Later, when the gossamer material lies discarded on the floor, when his exhausted limbs entwine with your own, when his golden hair runs like silk between your fingers, you speak into the hush of the bedroom.

"Happy birthday, my love."

His voice is muffled from where his face is pressed against your stomach.

"That was quite the surprise party."

"Maybe we should have one every year."

He snorts indignantly, but his lips curve in a smile against your skin all the same.

[secretmellowblog]

After the National Guard successfully suppresses a rebellion, there is relief among the ruling class; they exhale and breathe freely again; and then, they turn from crushing those who attack to crushing those who flee. They turn from attacking barricades to attacking safehouses. The police are sent out in full force. The military occupies the city. Spies hunt for the dens of rebels, like hunting dogs for the dens of foxes. All the government’s forces fly out in pursuit of one object: that object is not the defeat of its enemies, as they have already been defeated; it pursues their annihilation. 

Chapter 2 of "Annoyances," a tragicomic fic about a badly wounded Jean Valjean and Javert struggling to force each other to walk back to Rue de l'Homme Arme No. 7 before they're both arrested, is now out! The new chapter is titled "Phantoms of a Barricade Which May or May Not Actually Be Dead."

Thanks to @fremedon for beta reading, and to @alicedrawslesmis and @pilferingapples for the original post/reblogs that inspired this.