#and she was asking about the return policy and my coworker was explaining the general return policy and i was like pointing at the sign

[toytulini]

when customers at work try to be like "oh i cant hear you through that mask you should take it off!" no bitch, you cant hear me cos im fucking mumbling. get it right.

[the-offside-rule]

Mick Schumacher (Mercedes AMG) - Smoothie

Requested: no

Warnings: none

"No problem, come again!" Y/n said, smiling through her mask as another customer left. She let out a sigh as she returned the computer to see which order was next. The door opened and in walked a blonde man with blue eyes. Y/n smiled over to him, assuming this next order was his. "Hello there, can I help you?" she asked as politely as possible. "Hi, I'd like a smoothie please." he replied. She sensed a bit of an accent butt she couldn't tell exactly where it was from other than it was definitely European. "Perfect and have you pre ordered?" Y/n asked. The man looked at her a bit confused. "No, I don't think so." he replied. "I'm so sorry, I can't give you a smoothie until you pre order it." she explained. "You could go out and order and then come back in and collect it if you'd like?" The man nodded. "Of course, I'll be back in a minute."

She smiled and waved as the man walked back out and went back to the register. "What do you think you're doing?!" her coworker Carolina shrieked. "W-what? What do you mean?" Y/n asked. "What did you do? You just kicked out Mick Schumacher!" Y/n arched a brow. "Should I know who that is?" Carolina rolled her eyes. "That is the son of the seven time world champion of F1 Michael Schumacher! You can't just kick him out!" Carolina shouted. "He didn't order, I can't let him in if he hasn't ordered." Y/n said. "He's special Y/n!" Carolina whispered. "How? Is he jesus christ or something?" Y/n asked, starting to get frustrated. "No, he's famous!" Y/n shrugged her shoulders. "Okay and? I don't care if he is Barack O-fucking-bama, he's not coming in without ordering. That's just the policy-"

"Why did you kick a formula 1 driver out of my shop?!" Joey, the manager came storming out after watching the scene unfold from his cameras. "He's just another customer-" Y/n tried to defend her actions but Joey wasn't having any of it. "He's a celebrity! Not to mention how famous his dad is!" Y/n was just about having enough of hearing about hwo this guy was. "Once again, and?" Joey's blood boiled. "He could do some great stuff for the business!" Y/n scoffed. "I'm sorry but I doubt this man is going to throw it up the shop's name and address on his social media out of the blue. He's just another customer." She said. Up popped a little notification on the computer, saying an order was placed and surely enough, there was the Mick Schumacher up there. "You better hope he doesn't have anything bad to say about you."

"Hi, you can come in now. Sorry for the wait." Y/n smiled, letting the German in. "It's no problem at all. I don't mind waiting." he replied. "Okay so banana and strawberry yes?" she asked walking alongside him to the counter. "Yes please." he said. Y/n walked behind the counter and made up the smoothie under the watchful eye of Joey. She cupped it up and walked back out to see Carolina chatting to the German who was very clearly uncomfortable with her so of course, Y/n rushed in to break it up. "And here you go. Have you paid online?" Y/n asked, moving Carolina out of the way. "Er, yes, yes I have but I'm going to just tip you a bit." The German reached into his pocket and pulled out a five pound note and smiled at her. "Oh thank you so much. That's very generous, sir." Y/n said. "It's Mick." he replied. "Pardon?" Y/n asked. "It's Mick. You can call me Mick." he said repeating his name. "Oh, okay. Well thank you very much Mick. Sorry if I caused an inconvenience earlier it's just, you know the new regulations for health and safety." Y/n said. "Oh no, I totally get it. Safety first." Mick chuckled. "Exactly."

There was a brief silence between tbe two, not knowing if Mick was going to leave or not but then Y/n just decided to brush it off and move along to serve some other customers. "Well, thanks for coming around and sorry again." she said fixing her mask. "No problem. Thanks." Mick replied before turning to walk away. "If you need anything Mick, just come right back!" Joey said as Mick walked out, kind of embarassed from being made a fuss out of. "Can you guys stop? He was obviously uncomfortable with being treated like a celebrity so just treat him like a normal human being, okay?" Y/n snapped at the two. Joey furrowed his eyebrows at her sudden authoritive tone. "You literally threw him out, we need to give him a reason to come back." Joey exclaimed. "You're scaring him away, I'm just saying." Y/n began typing into the computer yet again. "You know what? You're working overtime. You can close up shop." Y/n blinked in disbelief. "Joey, you're taking the piss completely now, there's no way you're being serious-"

"I'm being completely serious!" Joey raised his voice and cut her off That was end of discussion. Whatever Joey says, goes, end of story.

Y/n walked about wiping down tables, humming to herself. She heard a knock come from the door, making her groan. "We're closed." she called. The figure still stayed there. "Hey! We're closed!" she said again but the person still stayed there. "Oh for fuck's sake-" she muttered before grabbing her brush and marching towards the door. "Did you not hear that we are closed-" she was cut off by herself as she saw a beaming Mick Schumacher standing at the door. "I- Mick, we're et closed. I'm sorry." she said opening up the door. "Oh I know. I was wondering if you wanted any help?" he offered. Y/n ram her fingers through her hair. "Well, as much as I think you would be a help, I just couldn't. It's my job so." She said, trying to usher him away from the door. "Why are you still here? Everyone is gone home." Mick asked. "I got overtime for being cheeky." she explained. "When I was there?"

"What? No, if course not-" Mick cut her off. "I watched it through the window for a few minutes so don't pretend that it wasn't my fault. Just let me help. It's not that big of a deal." Y/n debated for a moment on whether or not she should let him in. "It is kind of my fault you're here and plus, it's starting to rain." Y/n opened the door and let him in. "I'll let you help but only because its starting to rain." Mick nodded and grinned as she walked by. "Oh definitely, definitely." he mumbled. The pair set off working for a while, Mick mainly sweeping up and Y/n counting the money and refilling different containers. As she was cleaning out one of the machines, she noticed a certain blonde man staring at her in the reflection. She watched him for a few more seconds before deducing that he was in fact looking at her. "You okay over there?" Y/n asked through a grin.

Mick jumped up and quickly thought of a lie. "Well, my mother usually cleans the blender after I use it at home but erm- I can't clean it properly." he stuttered. "Mmh, so you can drive these advanced cars but you can't clean a blender?" He nodded in return. That was the worst excuse he has ever made up in his life. She however, couldn't wipe the smile off of her face as she watched in amusement. "Alright, so I guess you start off by making sure the machine is off and then you go looking for any clumps or leftovers in the blade of the blender. Now, what you'd want to do is-" In all honesty, Mick wasn't listening. He was just watching how focused the girl in front of him was trying to clean a blender. He liked how her hair was tied up and how a few strands just fell out of place and perfectly onto her face.

"And that's about it." Mick snapped out of his daydream and smiled. "You get all that?" Y/n asked. Mick nodded. Ne wasn't even listening but could you blame him? Y/n looked oh so gorgeous. "Yeah but just in case, erm...how about you come over and supervise my cleaning the blender?" Smoothe Mick, very smoothe. "Are you trying to flirt?" Y/n grinned. "Is it working?" he asked. "Not in the slightest but good effort." She turned back around and finished off cleaning the rest of the blenders, leaving Mick a bit flustered. "So, that's us done." Y/n sighed. "Yeah. Maybe I could help you again next time. You know, since I now know how to clean a blender." Y/n chuckled at Mick's remark and nodded. "Absolutely. Well, I'll see you around-"

"Actually, could I maybe take you-" Mick was thinking, thinking if the right words to say and not sound creepy. Y/n knew what he was going to ask but she wasn't the best communicator either. "Take me to a basement?" she joked. "What? No. Erm, could I maybe take you out? Like to hang out for something?"

"You don't know what you're doing, do you?" she asked him. "No, not a clue." he replied. "Well if I was in that situation I wouldn't know either but I think I'm supposed to say yes and then you pick a time that suits you." Y/n said. "Yeah, I think you do. So Friday, 8pm?" he asked. "Wow. Those are random but at the most cliché of times." she chuckled. "Yeah, I can go then." she said. "Perfect, I'll pick you up then." Y/n watched as Mick walked away. She wondered how long it would take for him to realise that he didn't know where she lived and surely enough he came jogging back. "Hey, where do I pick you up?" he asked. She chuckled and took a pen out of her pocket. "That's my address and my phone number in case you need me before then." she said clicking the pen and shoving it back into her pocket. "Now, I'll see you around." Mick joked. "I hope I do. See ya Mick." Mick watched as she walked away to her car and drive away. He was going to miss her but hey, it was only until Friday.

[cruzrogue]

Broken

Ch1 (an olicity AU story.)

It’s a cloudy miserable noon with a chance of rain. So far today nothing has gone her way.  Finding herself grabbing another coffee because the first one was full of grinds. The only perk of her job is endless bagels and mediocre coffee.

Her sigh remnants through the small breakroom. Mumbling to herself, “You’d think a multi-billion-dollar company could afford better coffee.”

The only other occupant in the room snorts, “They wouldn’t make so much money if they gave their slaves… I mean employees premium coffee.”

“I Guess.” Placing enough sugar and cream in her cup. She deserves this. Especially being free from a call she finished up where a Queen Consolidated employee who seemed to be locked out of their computer had such a terrible attitude.

She had dreams. Aspirations. They all vanished when her boyfriend was lost somewhere in the Northern China Sea.

“It looks like it is going to rain hard soon.”

“I hate rain.” Her eyes move from the small tv showing a weather update to the overhead windows. The sky is getting darker by the second.

“Yes, you’ve mentioned it was a rainy night when you and your boyfriend got into a fight. He left and never returned.”

Felicity stares at him. She’s never told anyone the full story.

“Yea, something like that.”

Her life has changed dramatically in the last few years. To be clear. It’s been five years since her heart was ripped out from her chest.

“What a deadbeat.” Her coworker keeps going, “Wasn’t he the father of your three kiddos?”

“I better get back to my cube.” Pointing to her work area, “See you around Cooper.” She doesn’t wait for his own goodbye as she hightails it out of there.

Single moms aren’t his thing. It doesn’t stop Cooper from checking out her nice legs. She’s one of those MILFs he’d wouldn’t mind one night with. No strings attached kind of way. Too bad she’s pegged down with three kids.

As the breakroom is now void of anyone viewing the broadcast. Headlines appear. Oliver Queen has been found. After his five-years of being considered dead. He will be coming home. To reunite with his family.

Moira Queen face appears on screen, “It is a miracle with that of my young daughter’s prayers were answered.” She appears to hold back tears of joy. The camera than pans to the man by her side. Under his picture the viewers are reminded about his amnesia. How his bodyguard pulled him out of the turbulent water to a life raft.

Robert Queen has a few words, “My son is alive. After all these years of mourning. There is nothing worse than waking up not remembering anything that transpired. It has been my greatest failure as a father. I get a second chance. My boy is alive.”

The station airs a few more minutes of a recap of the Queen tragedy before the headline repeats its saying, ‘Oliver Queen has been found… Alive!’

As the hard rain begins to pellet against the building.

Felicity’s glancing at a photo of her three munchkins. Oliver was such a hands-on dad. Their first pregnancy was accidental. Their second was totally planned. Their third, well… she was alone for that one. His voyage with his father resulted in his death.

Life has a funny way of working out.

What does it matter that she was a prodigy child? At fourteen she was admitted to M.I.T. Her brain revered. Still is. It’s just… She doesn’t have passion to continue with her once upon a time active goal.

Losing Oliver was a knife to her zeal to conquer the technical world. Without his support she’s withered away in a gloomy existence. Somehow pushing forward due to motherhood. Seeing a piece of him in each of their children.

All it took was an eighteen-year-old boy to break her full academic resolve. She fell in love at first sight. It took awhile to become lovers because of her age. It didn’t stop them from spending each free moment together. Learning, appreciating, falling deeper, and the respect was always there. That when their bodies shared a special dance that carried them forward to wanting a life to be forever bound.

The most bizarre thing in all this. His parents didn’t approve of his affiliation with a minor back during their college years. They kept their relationship a secret. With the quarrel that led to Oliver giving her some space she felt to guilty to approach his family. They just lost their son.

Even though her babies are a joyful creation. If Oliver’s parents didn’t accept her in the past. She doesn’t ever want an eternal battle of custody. Powerful people have ways to win against dreamers like her.

To many people it is unfathomable that she’d keep the lineage of her children hidden. Maybe one day. When her kids are old enough to understand. For now, it is a secret that she carries.      

It takes her stomach to growl to even leave her post. Maybe a bagel will suffice until quitting time. Moving past some coworkers who seem to be gathered around animatedly gossiping. It takes a name to stop her in her tracks.

“What?”

“You haven’t heard?”

She shakes her head no, “Heard what?”

“The boss man’s son has returned.”

“What?” She shakes her head. Why is this conversation not making any sense to her, “Who?”

A name yet to be supplied but a few coworkers point to the breakroom.

“It’s all over the news.”

Felicity doesn’t wait. Hearing Oliver’s name once was enough to have her in a daze. She makes it to the room and any hunger she had seems to be forgotten. Her eyes scanning the headlines. Her world is spun upside down or is it right side up? It doesn’t take long as her head spins all the new information. Her Oliver is alive.

“He’s alive!” She can’t contain how much hearing this is just so overwhelming, “He’s coming home.” Hearing some voices agree that he is coming back to Starling City. She would find it amusing if the voices didn’t drown away as a dizziness overtakes her. Falling. Falling upon the carpeted floor. Not hearing the same voices sounding panicked.

“Felicity?”

Her name again said out loud. To be answered by a moan.

“Ms. Smoak?”

Felicity doesn’t want to open her eyes. It’s a harsh light waiting for her. Squinting she tries to cooperate with the voice.

“Welcome back. You had us all worried.”

“I’m okay.”

“There is an ambulance on the way.”

“No. No need.” Is mumbled out. “I’ll be okay.”

“Ms. Smoak, it is policy to make sure you are alright. I’ll give you some forms and they’ll need to be filled out before you can return to work.”

“Okay.” Is softly spoken. Felicity feels lightheaded. She just hallucinated that her boyfriend is alive. Maybe it purgatory. Even though she doesn’t believe in purgatory. It is the hellish state to want him back so bad. Their last words said of anger. She’s already exhausted every nightmare trying to make things right.

“Alright then. They’re here. Please remain seated I’m just going to handle their arrival.”

The woman leaves Felicity alone in what seems to be an examination room. Afraid to pass out again she remains seated. This has never happened before. Fainting by wanting something so bad. Crying her eyes out. Crying to the point of exhaustion. Now that is something she knows of well.

How will she explain to the medical professional she passed out thinking the love of her life miraculously came back to her. Just out of the blue she’s so overemotional. Thinking about a man for the longest time. Didn’t believe was gone. How cruel is her mind? That when she finally admits he is never coming back. She’d have an episode.  

 Across the city at Starling General. Oliver Queen is being checked out. His family insistent that he have a medical professional make sure he is truly fine. The media is playing that he has been found and is awaiting extradition out of the US Embassy in China. The truth of the matter is he was found days ago. He silently made it back states side early this morning. He has yet to see his parents. Glad to know his father is alright.

He is anxious.

What he wants... no what he needs is to know of his children. Know how Felicity is? Five years is a long time. The fear that has taken so many dreaded nights. Did he lose her? Their last words to each other harsh.

Is their another raising his children? His parents unaware of their grandchildren. His mind going all over the place. On the trip before that horrifying night. Oliver told his dad about his granddaughters. Of how he felt about another little one on the way. He was ecstatic.

At first, he kept his relationship from his parents because they weren’t keen on him courting a minor. They wouldn’t believe him if he were to say they never consummated their love until she was ready. He understood the ramifications society holds. Yet, age between them was just numbers. It’s not like he was a party boy like his high school self.

Meeting the blued eyed prodigy. He was quickly under her spell.

He regrets that he kept his growing family a secret. His love for Felicity should have never been under wraps. The moment they graduated from their prestigious schools. He should have pushed. Should have fallen on one knee and asked her to be his bride. Should have not listened to her newest reasons that she wanted to succeed without his family’s help.

Understanding that his father and a few of the crew made it out alive. He was pushed out on the wreckage further away. That when the storm calmed, he was already halfway to purgatory. His father’s amnesia keeping both sides of his family from connecting.

His thoughts are on his kids. Two he helped name. One he wonders if he has another sweet daughter or a little boy. Are they healthy? Doing well? His little Maple she’d be about seven of age. Ava would be five. His youngest almost four.

His youngest. Every thought that comes about is agonizing.

Felicity didn’t have him to lean on. Which means she either was alone or another somebody took his place. It guts him to even picture his young children calling someone else daddy.

Five years. Five years in turmoil.

He’s back. He’ll find his family. No matter what. He’ll apologize to Felicity over and over until she knows those angry words were of a silly man being hurt.  

Now he waits. Looking out of a hospital window. Waiting for familiar voices to come and claim their lost child. He needs this as much as they will. To be home. To be among those he loves. He missed so much. So much time lost.

He can feel the yearning come tenfold as a familiar voice is heard behind the hospital door of his room.

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

3. Upon Further Research

Simon was fine. That’s what he kept having to tell himself. It wasn’t like he truly wanted to date Grace St. Catherine. He couldn’t even if he wanted to. He had far too many habits and personal ways that made others uncomfortable or annoyed. 

The last woman he attempted to date didn’t like the fact that Samantha had her own room and that she was only allowed to enter it if Samantha had approached her to be friends. If Samantha was uncomfortable, she would mewl about it and he didn’t want that type of upset over someone who didn’t have to live with her adjusting to something she didn’t like. 

The last man he dated had an irrational hatred of the fact that Simon purchased multiple types of milk for different times of the day or different kinds of enjoyment. He never thought he would see someone have such a reaction to the fact that he wanted whole milk for cereal and to warm up at the end of the night before bed, low fat milk for milkshakes and accompanying a grilled cheese or a cheese and egg sandwich, and skim milk for drink mixes and casual throughout the day enjoyment. “Just buy one kind of milk and stick with it!” Truth be told, sometimes, Simon also bought 2% milk whenever he wasn’t feeling that great and nut milk for cooking. He just… couldn’t explain that it made a difference to his consumption and couldn’t understand why it made someone else so frustrated. 

But, it reminded him that he had unique quirks that people found basically unacceptable. Grace seemed like a cool person, but she probably would be irritated to open his fridge and see 6 different types of milk too. Or to have Samantha refuse to acknowledge her and therefore not be able to enter Sam’s Sanctuary… or even just be annoyed that there was a room with cat trees, a little playground, cat toys, waterer, feeder, etc, and a cat that spent most of her time in the windowsill instead of acknowledging all of the luxury that had been collected for her.

Then again, it was unfair to assume what people might not like about you or your life. He couldn’t know for sure. All that he knew was that she wasn’t interested in going out with him. 

That should have been the end of it, but he was very curious about that comment that her coworker made about “another hot date.” Did she have a lot of hot dates? What exactly constitutes a hot date?

Going through her photos didn’t help with that. If she regularly dated, she certainly didn’t like anyone enough to put them on her social media. Though, she did see in one of her comments she said something about VDay “my hands will be full. Worry ‘bout yourself," she’d told somebody who asked if she was trying to get “wifed up for VDay,” as a response to a photo of her in a stunning red dress, captioned with “Beneficiary Gathering #GraceLoveTheKids” She didn’t have a location, so he searched “beneficiary gathering” and came up with SO MANY things. He sighed and went back to her hashtag, wondering if it was common for her. 

She used it pretty frequently! There were photos of her at a children’s hospital, photos of numerous kids, some at some center, some at parks and stuff… She really didn’t put a lot of information into her captions. Most people loved to tell you location and event and every single detail. The fact that she didn’t made her more appealing to Simon. She liked her space. He liked his too. He could relate… but also… he needed to know more. 

It’s not a violation of her privacy if I don’t use anything against her. I'm just intrigued...

.

A few days after the date debacle, Simon found his way back into the coffee shop, this time with Samantha with him. Grace noticed him come in and sit down, but she was at the cash register, helping a customer out. When she finished, she waved to him, but he didn’t seem to notice. He was petting his cat and scrolling something. She let out a disappointed sigh. Of course, Simon had noticed her. Every single detail, including that sigh. That made him a little hopeful that perhaps she would come over and engage. Maybe meet Samantha, even. She didn’t, though. She worked as usual and didn't seem to even glance his way again.

Grace went across the street for lunch. The little deli had a small selection, but they had something that she couldn’t get anywhere else in town - chicken taco pinwheels - and she was hooked on them. She’d order a dozen of them with two pickle spears, homemade potato chips with cracked pepper and sea salt, and ginger ale with cherries. It was one of the highlights of her day to get that very same lunch any time that she worked. When she was leaving today, she almost ran into Simon. She gasped and hugged her lunch to herself. “Mr. Laurent. Sorry. I’m usually pretty aware of my surroundings. You didn’t sneak up on me, did you?” she teased and winked an eye at him.

“You know… People usually call me Simon,” he said, smiling.

“People call you?” she asked. He blushed and laughed. “Of course I’m kidding. It’s just easier to call you that because of the policy and stuff.”

“The policy?”

“At the bookstore. Normally, they don’t care if you get familiar with regulars and they share their names, but since it’s you, we’re not supposed to bother you and were told that we were to refer to you as Mr. Laurent. It’s part of orientation. I remember very vividly saying, “Well excuse me, Mr. Laurent!” She exaggerated the Frenchness of his name and he chuckled at it, then stopped and looked serious. “Because, I’m kind of a goofball. Didn’t mean anything by it..”

“No, no. It’s fine. I just think it’s weird that they do that. I don’t mind being spoken to like a normal person.” That wasn’t completely true. He hated being interrupted if he was working or doing something with a hobby…

“Okay… Simon, then,” she said with a smile. He could only give her one back in return. “And who is our little pristine friend?” She asked. Samantha was on a leash, and standing, staring, almost as though she were waiting to be introduced to this strange new person. 

“This is Samantha.”

Grace stooped down and Simon tensed up. She smiled and said, “Hi, Samantha. I’m Grace. I work at your daddy’s favorite bookstore. I’ve seen a lot of photos of you, and might I say, you are radiant! Exuding opulence! You own EVERYTHING!” Samantha stepped forward and rubbed herself against Grace’s knee. “Oh, you are so adorable, but I can’t pet you right now! I’m holding stuff.” Grace stood up, looking sad as Samantha continued to rub against her shoes until Simon gathered her up. 

“She never does that. Sorry..”

“No, she’s majestic. Maybe Daddy will bring you around to see me again some time, sweetie!” She blew kisses at Samantha, nodded her head to Simon, called out, “See you tomorrow, Chief!” (to which the deli owner waved). 

Simon came up to the counter and noticed the man staring at Samantha. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought her inside of here. “I’m going to have whatever she just ordered, to go, please?” He waited out of the way, just in case having an animal in their eating space might bother someone. 

Her deli order was better than her coffee order, that was for sure, though that wasn’t hard to beat. He shivered thinking about it. He ate in his car and pulled up to a trash bin to discard things. Samantha was sleeping very comfortably in her safety carrier. 

Grace got off of work and danced out of the door, holding her perfume laced coffee. She looked up at the sky for a moment, checked her phone. He looked up too. It might rain. She didn’t seem too bothered, merely curious. She walked through the neighborhood, the wind was blowing her sweater and she was drinking her coffee, speaking to various people as she passed them. How did she DO that? Simon barely liked speaking to the people that he knew. She couldn’t have possibly known most of these people, though maybe she saw them everyday, but that meant nothing. Was she cordial and warm all of the time?

She stopped at a florist and he watched through the window as she seemed to know the guy in the flower shop too. They chatted for a while until someone came from the back with what looked like a package. It was one of those big yellow mailing envelopes and the woman who gave it to her walked her over, away from the counter to speak with her before handing it to her and hugging her. As Grace came out, she said, “Thanks! See you next time…” The guy behind the counter rushed to hand her a flower and she hugged him too. Simon… didn’t like it, even though it seemed perfectly friendly and she seemed like one of those people who probably hugged her friends and stuff. Maybe. He didn’t know enough yet. Hadn’t collected enough information. 

She slipped her package into her bag, handed her presumably empty cup to the guy and he went inside and threw it away for her as she left. Simon lost her once she went into the train station. But, he felt like he collected enough information for the day. He wondered if this was daily, or if she deviated what she did after work. He continued driving past the station and headed home to work on all of his notes and more research. 

One thing that he noted was that aside from her social media, he couldn’t find much about Grace St. Catherine. And, that wasn’t even much to go by, because aside from everything being private, what she shared was still limited. 

But. The guy at the florist shop followed her. Simon checked his page. Heath Farmer *152 Simon didn't think much of it whenever he read the generic name, just scrolled through photos. None of them had Grace in them, but she was in his comments a lot and vice versa. It led to nothing.

He clicked on someone else's page who was speaking with them in the comments. Jalicia Barrett * 227 "Huh." He went to find others that he saw speaking in similar circles and several had no numbers there, but there were quite a few others that did have a number listed, and some were kids or teenagers. Maybe something to do with some of Grace's child benefits? He couldn't find what tied them together… But then he saw someone's page and Grace was actually in photos ON it. "Xander Helstrom *747…" 

His profile pic was a younger photo of himself with pink hair, wearing a chin guard on his face and a bandana on his arm. 

But, all of his current photos indicated he was older now, probably early 20s or late teens. He and Grace seemed close. There was a photo of him with her pet turtle and sliding through the set, it was the day that she bought it. So… they were most likely really good friends, or something else… Simon found himself looking at every interaction between them that he could find. They spoke like they had known each other a long time and from what he could see, this was the only person who had photos of her in her space. Maybe they were in something complicated? He searched Xander's other accounts. His Tweets were mostly about child welfare and social justice. His Facebook seemed similar, but also had memes and photos of himself and memorials for children. One caught his attention. The drawing looked similar to Grace's art style and it was of a little girl with the caption, "In honor of Hazel. She was never a number and she changed us for the better." 

There were several people who commented. "To Hazel, never a number." But, then Simon saw Grace's comment.

"Hazel taught me not to worry and not to rush. She helped give me empathy and a reason to fight. I never would have made it without her. To Hazel, never a number. Always a friend."

Simon looked at the time on his phone. "Crap." It was 2 am. 

He finished compiling all of his notes and went to bed. He was very curious what those numbers meant, but he couldn't dwell on it at the moment. He'd have to sleep well into the day to make up for staying up tonight. Tomorrow, he'd have to leave his car behind. He needed to know what happened when Grace got on the train. 

04. Date Night

[inorganicone2230]

Divine Intervention (Part 3) Yandere!Erasermic x Fem!Reader

Part 2 Part 4

Summary: Sometimes a little divine intervention is necessary to take back the ones we love… whether they want it or not.

Warnings: Suicide, kidnapping, forced relationship, emotional and mental manipulation, typical Yandere behavior, possible non-con in future chapters

Side note: Holy shit! I certainly hope you guys have some time because this one is LONG! I’M TALKING 5K WORDS!!! Hopefully no one minds lol

Please enjoy!

“And was that the newest one?”

You laid back on the couch and sighed, “Yes. I just wish I knew what it meant. I mean, why bring up this supposedly dead woman?”

Doctor Kayama looked down at her notes in thought, “Perhaps it's simply your minds way of filling in the blanks. You've been having these dreams for quite some time now. And as an adolescent you didn't question the details and the facts near as often as you do now that you're an adult.”

You let another sigh fall from your lips. “Yeah, you're probably right, but there already was an explanation for her, she’s dead.”

You had been seeing Doctor Kayama, who specialized in sleep disorders -insomnia, sleep apnea, narcolepsy and in your case, reoccurring dreams/nightmares- since you were 16 and in a way it was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because you had someone unbiased to talk to about them who you felt wasn't going to judge you, and a curse because by constantly talking about them, you could never really forget them or put them out of your head. They were always there, right at the forefront of your mind, just waiting for something in your day-to-day life to trigger a memory of them.

Doctor Kayama pursed her plump lips into a thin line, “The mind is a tricky thing, and dreams are even trickier. I can see that we are not going to make anymore progress today, our time is almost up anyway. And if I'm not mistaken, you have to be to work in an hour.” She said, standing up to put her things away and walk you to the door.

You followed suit, “Yes, I think I’m hitting a blank on how to think about it further. Maybe next week I’ll have some answers… or some ideas at the very least.”

Nemuri smiled at you in response, “I agree. Some time to think more will do you some good.”

You shook her hand and as always, you felt just a little bit better after your session, even if you didn't make much progress. Anything was better than nothing. Wasn't it?

“I'll see you again next week, same time as usual.” With your confirmation to return next week you were out the door and on your way to work.

--------

You were fortunate enough to have found a nice apartment that was within walking distance to both your work and the doctor's office. Right in the middle actually! The only downside was that you had to go further into the city whenever you needed to do shopping. You made decent money at the bookstore/cafe that you worked at, but the area didn't really have any grocery stores, just a lot of restaurants and gas stations. And while that was fine every now and then, you would prefer not to waste all your hard earned money on expensive meals and unhealthy junk food.

You were about halfway home though when something caught your eye, or rather someone… and it made you freeze.

‘Was that? No… it couldn't be? Could it…?’

For just a moment you could have sworn you caught sight of a familiar head of golden hair. Long and soft looking, it caught the glare from the afternoon sun on the fresh snow in just a way that it seemed to make the strands glitter in the light.

Without a second thought you instinctively began to head in the same direction. Or you would have, if your phone hadn't rang. 

You scrambled to pull it from your purse. “Hello?” A brief pause, “No that's fine. I was going to stop at my apartment on the way but I can just head straight there, it's no trouble.” Another pause, “Sounds good. I’ll see you soon, bye bye.”

Hanging up and putting away your phone you took a look around, you had lost sight of whoever that was. “Oh who am I kidding, it was nothing! Just someone's regular blonde hair, my eyes and that appointment I just had are playing tricks on me.” You reassured yourself. It was a strange thing to see but there was no way it was real. With your pep talk over you began your trek to the bookstore.

In your haste you failed to notice the lime green eyes that watched you from the roof of the building beside you. Eyes that watched you with a predatory hunger. The bounce of your hair, the sway of your hips, the curves of you soft form. All of it was focused on you and you alone and the predator licked his lips in anticipation.

“Soon (Current Name), soon.”

--------

You made it to work with a few minutes to spare and after exchanging pleasantries with your coworker and going through the usual shift-change duties, you were ready to start your day.

It was a Saturday and with most people still in school or at work, plus the cafe being closed, it was proving to be a rather slow afternoon. You did the usual tasks of dusting the shelves, taking inventory and putting away new items, calling people to inform them of their special orders and just general basic things. You soon found yourself with nothing else to do. Not even a customer to hep out!

Luckily, the couple that owned the store didn't mind the employees reading on shift as long as everything else was done and no customers needed help. Taking a seat behind the counter you began to read your current book. A horror/mystery novel about a young girl who goes to sleep in her bed but wakes up in an old house with no windows or doors leading outside, she has to find a way out while being haunted by whispering voices and a tall pale figure with teeth for lips that watches her from the shadows.

You had only gotten a few chapters in when you heard a voice speak to you though. “Excuse me miss? Could you help us?”

Funny, you hadn't heard the bell go off when the door was opened, nor had you felt the draft from the chilly winter weather outside. But you simply wrote it off, thinking you were too engrossed in your book. None the less you mark your page and put the book down. “Of course! What can I do for y-...” You freeze mid sentence.

Standing in front of you are two very familiar looking men. Both tall and handsome in their own way, but as different as night and day. 

The tallest one had black hair that brushed his shoulders and a serious case of five o'clock shadow. His eyes were just as dark as his hair, though admittedly, that could have been because he looked like he hadn't slept in a week. He was dressed in black jeans, a gray t-shirt and a heavy black winter pea-coat.

The other man practically radiated sunshine with his rather long blonde hair and bright green eyes framed by simple square glasses. Multiple piercings adorned his ears along with other jewelry, a silver chain wrapped twice around his neck and a few rings to match. He was dressed rather similarly to his counterpart but in tans and whites.

It was THEM! The one’s from your dreams… or at least... two men who looked exactly like them. And it scared you…

It took you a second to realize that you must have zoned out when you froze because they were giving you odd looks and asking if you were okay. You managed to give them an admittedly half-assed response. “O-oh yes! I'm p-perfectly fine, you just startled me is all! What can I help you with today?”

Both men exchanged odd glances with each other, like they were having some silent conversation. “Are you sure miss?” The black haired one asked, “Your white as a sheet and look like you've seen a ghost.”

“Yes! Absolutely!” You replied with a forced kind of enthusiasm.

The blonde snickered and gave a feral grin, first to you and then to his companion, “Aww, she's blushing Shouta! Maybe she's just flustered, what with having such good looking guys come in her store!” His insinuation and the wink he throws your way make your eye twitch in irritation. But he’s not done running his mouth, “Well if it makes you feel any better Sweetling, I’d be tripping over myself to if a lovely little thing you walked in on me out of the blue.”

You weren't quite sure how to respond to that. Luckily for you the other one -Shouta, the blonde said?- seemed to know what to do about his friends behavior since he reached out to yank on some of his hair. “Cut it out Hizashi. Can't you see you're making the poor thing as nervous as a wet kitten.”

Hizashi at least had the decency to look apologetic as he rubbed the spot his hair was yanked. “Sorry hun, my mouth gets the better of me sometimes, especially around pretty girls.” He held out his hand to you and grinned again, “Let's start over! I’m Hizashi and this here is my friend Shouta!”

You were still really put off -terrified actually- by their resemblance to the men from your dreams but you had a job to do still. You swallowed your fear and plastered on your best ‘Fake as Shit Face’ Before quickly shaking both their hands. “It's nice to meet you, my names (Fake Name)! What can I do for you today?” You hoped you sounded convincing enough. Your work had a policy about not using real names on the name tags, just better for the employees safety, especially in this day and age. Can't be too careful.

“We were hoping to find some books on religion… reincarnation to be more precise. Possibly even mythology and folklore.” He said it in such a strange way, like he was trying to explain something without going into too much detail.

You thought it was an odd request for sure, but you weren't really one to judge other people's taste in literature since you yourself had some weird ones. Right now all you wanted to do was get them out of the store ASAP.

“Sure! Follow me right this way.”

You lead them to a small section near the back of the left end of the store, no more than three bookshelves. Both sections were right next to each other since more often than not, both genres got classified under the same banner these days. “I’m not to sure if we have anything on reincarnation specifically but if we do it's over here. Feel free to look as long as you want, we're still open for a few more hours so take your time!”

Both of them smiled at you warmly and thanked you profusely.

“It was no trouble, please let me know if I can help with anything else.” You were trying to make a speedy exit. You needed to think, and breath, and process what was going on. But you couldn't do that around their confusing and suffocating presence.

“Oh don't worry Sweets, we'll be sure to let you know when that happens.” Hizashi said in a rather provocative way, obviously trying to get a reaction out of you.

You didn't respond, simply gave a nod  and turned on your heel and began heading straight for the restroom.

Once inside with the door shut and locked tight, you suddenly felt the strangeness of this situation hit you all at once. You ran to the toilet and puked, small quiet tears running down your cheeks as you hyperventilate. ‘What the hell is going on here?!’ Why the fuck do those two look like them?!’

It wasn't just a passing resemblance either, it was like they stepped right out of your mind and into reality. You just couldn't handle this right now. “Maybe they'll have not found anything and left already.” You said to yourself hopefully and decided to give yourself a few more minutes of isolation before going back out there.

Your prayers went unanswered though as you stepped out to see them at the counter, one book in hand and warm smiles on their faces. “You okay there sweetling, you're looking a little pale?”

You waved off the concern and booked it to the register to ring up their purchase. The sooner they paid, the sooner they would leave. At least… you hoped they would.

“I hope you found everything you needed!” You sounded totally fake even to yourself.

Shouta gave a low chuckle, “No, not everything. But I’m sure we'll get what we need very soon.”

Something about the way he said that sent chills up your spine. It almost sounded like a warning. “W-well if you have something specific that you're looking for we can try and order it for you.” Your reply is automatic and as the men share a look, you feel like your being left out of an entire conversation that is taking place right in front of you.

“We’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

“Well I hope the two of you have a good evening, please come again!” You gave a short bow to them both.

“Come on! No need to be so formal! You seem like a real sweet girl, you should give us your digits so we can hang out sometime. We know some pretty awesome places to go have some fun.” The blonde suggests, leaning across the counter space and ever closer to you, a large toothy grin on his face.

Without thinking you reply, “Sorry, my boss's have a strict policy about employee/customer relations. Immediate termination if fraternization is found. I like my job so I’d rather keep it. Sorry again.” There was no such rule or policy enforced, but they didn't need to know that.

They give each other that same look again. “That's too bad. We're new to the area and were hoping to meet some new people to hang out with.” Shouta replied, both wore the same dejected look. It almost made you feel bad for fibbing. Almost…

“The folks around here are really great, I’m sure you guys won't have to hard of a time meeting some new people!” You really hoped they would leave or that another customer would come in. Anything to end this weird conversation!

For a moment, the two men frowned, like you said something awful.  But they quickly bounced back, “Well I’m sure we'll be seeing you around either way. We’ll be sure to come back here if we need anything else! Right Shouta!?”

Shouta gave a much quieter response then his friend, “Yes, I’m sure we're on the fast track to becoming regulars for you.”

‘I certainly hope not.’‘ You thought bitterly as you finished saying your goodbyes and watched them walk out the door. If you never saw these men again it would be far far to soon for your liking.

--------

Back in their home in the Heavens and laying in their bed, the two gods of Life and Death basked in the happiness they felt at being in your physical presence for the first time so long.

Hizashi himself was a literal walking bundle of sunshine. “Oh Shouta! I know we've been watching her all her life and sending her those dreams for years, but to be in her presence again after eons apart! The memories didn't do her justice, her voice alone was enough to make my mind go blank.”

Shouta also gave a lighthearted smile, “Yes, and the way she seemed so shy and nervous after she recognized us from the dreams. It really was so sweet and precious. She was such a raging spit viper in the past, I rather like this quiet, demure version of her. Almost seems a shame to waste it by giving her memories back.”

The God of Life nodded along with his opposites words. “Yes, she's going to be quite angry once she remembers everything. Why don't we just forget about the medicine and bring her here as is? Start over completely! New and fresh?”

“Do you truly want that? For her to not remember anything about our time together in the past? Because I don't, I want her to remember the day we met, the time we spent getting to know her, the first time we made love to her. I want her to be able to understand how hurt we were the day she took herself from us!” Shouta’s eyes were beginning to flash red as his hair moved in an unseen wind. “I want to know why she did it in the first place, so that we can do better for her, be better for her. And…” Shouta trailed off here as if he was unsure if he should continue or not.

Hizashi reached out to take his lovers face in his hands and promoted him to continue, “And?”

Shouta took a deep breath, “And perhaps I wish to punish her for it... we have suffered for five thousand years without her, and it just doesn't seem fair that she should get to live in blissful ignorance of what she has put us through. That's why I want her to remember Zashi.”

A mouth was on his as soon as he finished, a warm wet tongue tangled with his own as he readily responded. The kiss lasted a while longer before both deities reluctantly pulled back.

 A smug Hizashi stared down on his other half with lusty eyes, “Very well, I can see your point, we will give her the medicine. But what do we do now that we've made her aware of us outside of the dreams? Do we simply bring her home, or do we wait and play it by ear? I want her here with us, so that she can be safe and happy. It took all my willpower in that shop not to just grab her and bend her over the counter. I can't wait to much longer Shou! So what is the plan? I know you have one.”

Shouta's smile was positively feral, “This is what we will do,...”

--------

The rest of the night went smoothly -despite your nagging fear over the two lookalikes- and you tried your best to be as productive as possible until it was time to close up the shop for the night.

Since you got all your cleaning done so much sooner than usual, it was a relatively easy close. All you really had to do was count down the till and check to make sure all the doors and windows were locked. Easy peasy!

You were excited to get out the door so quickly after such a slow -and admittedly frightening- evening. All you wanted was to get to the comfort of your home where you could relax and breath easy. Tomorrow was the start of your weekend and you had every intention of staying home the entire time!

After checking that the place was locked up you headed for the door. You felt the bitter cold air as soon as you stepped outside, it was a clear night so it was much colder than the overcast day had been. And quiet too, you noted. Not unusual for you, all the other businesses closed at least an hour or two before you, and no bars or restaurants for a few blocks meant that you rarely saw a single soul this late at night. You still kept a switchblade in your coat pocket and pepper spray in your purse though, just in case…

You locked the door and had just started walking when you heard it, the telltale sound of snow and ice crunching under heavy footsteps, two sets. You had a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that you knew who was going to be there when you turned around. You wanted so bad to be proven wrong.

“Well look who it is! Our new favorite bookstore worker! Just closing up shop sweetling?”

Yup, you were right... unfortunately. You turned around and there they were, still dressed in the same clothes and with warm smiles adorning their handsome faces. “Y-Yes, I was just on my way home.” You said, not bothering to put on the fake customer service enthusiasm you had earlier. You hoped they would take the hint and let you go on your way.

They were much closer to you now, only a few feet away, when Shouta spoke next. “You seem awfully tired there Kitten, and it's quite the hour for a pretty young lady like you to be walking the streets so late at night. We'll walk you home.”

Your eye twitched at the use of that nickname, you didn't know these two well enough for them to act so familiar with you. And they never would if you had it your way. “That's not necessary, I live close by and I'm used to walking this la-”

You were cut off by Shouta’s firm voice, “We insist. We'll walk you.” It was practically an order. And it made you bristle. You were just about to tear into him when you were cut off again, this time by the blonde.

“Sorry, what Shouta means to say is that we live in the direction you were going. We have to walk the same way anyway and we just wouldn't feel right NOT walking you this late at night. Come on, don't make us go home worried sick about weather you made it home safely or not. Pretty please?”

You knew this wasn't normal. Meeting two guys -at the same time- who look identical to the men from your dreams, the way they just happen to run into you as your getting off work, that they live in the same direction as you. You wanted so badly to tell them to fuck off and leave you alone, to hightail it and run as far and as fast as you could away from them, but you didn't. You weren't that kind of person, you overthink and over analyze situations that make you feel uncomfortable. Just like now, you couldn't help but think that maybe they really were just trying to be nice, that it was just a coincidence they looked so similar. But another part of you thought that if you did tell them what you really wanted to say, it could backfire on you at work, they could come in and say something to your boss and coworkers. Make it sound like they were just trying to be Good Samaritans and you were being a self-righteous bitch. You needed this job more than you needed your backbone, you thought. So you caved…

“W-well if it's not out of your way, than sure. I could u-use the company.” You know you've made a mistake the second the words leave your mouth.

Both men beamed at your agreement. “Great! Then lead the way Sweetling!” They each took a stand on either side of you as you begin to walk.

Hizashi fills the silence with chatter and small talk while Shouta chimes in every now and then. They ask basic and harmless things, things like; “Do you enjoy working at the bookstore? Have you lived in the neighborhood long? What kinds of things are there to do?” You answer some of them honestly, but some you fib on or give vague nondescript answers. They don't seem to notice, and if they do they don't mention it.

Soon -but not soon enough- the three of you are standing outside your building. It's a modest three story complex, relatively new and decently maintained and you live on the third floor in a small one bedroom flat. You refrain from breathing a sigh of relief while still in their presence. “Well, this is me. Thanks again for walking me home.”

“It was no trouble. Me and Zashi are always happy to help. Especially when such a pretty face is involved.” If this was any other man flashing you that sexy smile you would have gone weak in the knees, all you felt right now was a desire to kick them both.

“Yeah! It was so nice meeting such a cutie right off the bat! And we got to run into you again, that's gotta be fate, right?!” Hizashi says dreamily. Was it just your imagination or had they moved closer to you.

You chuckled nervously, “W-who can s-say? M-maybe, I don't k-know.” They were definitely closer.

“ I'm positive it was! We couldn't stop thinking about you all night! We're so happy to see you again (Y/N)!” Hizashi kept gushing.

You froze in absolute terror. How did he know your real name!? They were still taking turns praising you when you spoke. “How do you know my name?”

Shouta was the first to take notice of your tense tone. “What was that Kitten?”

You didn't bother being polite this time, “I said how the hell do you know my name?! I never gave it to you!” You took a step back and freaked when you felt the brick wall of your building behind you instead of the door.

They looked at each other in that same way from earlier, speaking without words.

“Calm down, you gave us your name when we introduced ourselves in the shop.”

“Yeah, don't you remember? It was even on your name tag.”

If you hadn't heard it so clearly you might have believed them, but you had heard it and you weren't buying their bullshit excuse.

“No! I gave you a fake name in the store, the one you just said is my real birth name! How do you know it?!” Your breathing was labored and you felt lightheaded. A panic attack maybe? You needed to calm down and think straight.

They looked at you for a moment longer, faces blank of any emotion. And then Hizashi laughed, scratching the back of his head like he just made a simple mistake . “Whoops, guess I kind of blew our cover. Sorry Shou, I got carried away and wasn't thinking before I spoke.”

Shouta meanwhile simply shook his head and cuffed him in the arm. “Great job Loudmouth, now we have to move things along faster thanks to your carelessness.”

You were dumbfounded, completely lost as to what was going on in front of you. “What the hell do you two freaks think this is?! Some kind of sick joke?! Because I'm not laughing! What I’m doing is going straight to the cops.” You regretted that last line as soon as you said it because both men's eyes were instantly on you. Bad idea to admit you were going to go to the fuzz. Now you felt like a cornered animal. Like pray. And when your flight or fight response kicked in, you ran to the left, your switchblade and pepper spray completely forgotten in your panicked state. Or tried to anyway.

Two sets of impossibly strong arms grabbed you and shoved you back up against the cold brick wall, a hand covering your mouth to block your screams. Not enough to truly hurt or bruise, but just enough to knock the air from your lungs. Your eyes fell closed for just a second and when you opened them again you were greeted by a sight you only ever saw in your dreams.

They stood before you in ancient but elegant robes, radiating a strange and inhuman aura. Hizashi was dressed in green and emerald, ornate jewelry catching the light from the street lamps above. Shouta was in simple gray and black. Where as before they had only LOOKED like them now they WERE them. They were still smiling like nothing was wrong.

“Oh you won't be doing that Songbird, those pretty little lips aren't going to be singing for anyone but us ever again.” The blonde leaned in closer to whisper huskily in your ear, his warm breath fanning over your numb ear and making you shiver. “You have no idea how amazing it feels to be touching you like this again. You feel so soft Sweetling, I could just devour you right here and now.”

You had gone into shock for a few moments at the drastic change in them, both in physicality and in personality. But as soon as you felt the undeniable press of his hardening groin against your hip, you absolutely lost it. Thrashing, shaking your head, trying to scream through the hand that still covered your mouth and kicking out your legs, but it did you no favors as you soon found yourself too tired to move.

It only seemed to egg the blonde on further when you heard him groan -not in pain- but in pleasure. “Keep that shit up and I’m not gonna be able to hold back.” He said, grinding himself against you harder. You ceased all movement.

“Enough. It's far too cold to be doing that here Zashi. We can enjoy ourselves once we have her safe and sound at home, and warmed up.” Shouta said as casually as if he was ordering a pizza. You began to thrash again with renewed vigor, tears ran down your face and you felt his hand become slick with your drool from your muffled screams.

Hizashi pouted and rolled his eyes, “Fine fine, but it will be a lot easier to get everything ready if she was asleep.”

“I'm one step ahead of you. Do you want to or should I?

“You. I don't think I could hold myself back if I do it.”

“Alright, just take your hand off her mouth when I tell you too.”

This was your chance! As soon as your mouth was free you could scream for help! Even if it was only a second, you had to try! You closed your eyes and waited with bated breath for the pressure on your face to ease up.

“Now.”

The hand was gone. “SOMEONE HEL-” The Hand was replaced with a mouth. Shouta's mouth slammed against yours in a bruising kiss and you felt some kind of bitter tasting liquid slide down your throat. It took you a second to realize that he was still kissing you, sliding his tongue against yours and groaning into your mouth, probably in an effort to keep you quiet while whatever he forced you to drink kicked in. Which wasn't taking long as you felt your mind going hazy and your eyes getting heavy. Well, you weren't going to just take it without a fight, the moment you felt his tongue in your mouth again you bit down. Hard!

He pulled back with a curse shot you a disgruntled look as he spat blood onto the street. “That wasn't very nice. Maybe I was wrong and she dose still have some of that fire left.”

Your mind was foggy and your knees gave out on you, Hizashi caught you before you could hit the frozen ground. “G-go f-f-fuck y-yourselves!”

Both of them just grinned down at you and reached out to stroke your cheeks and hair. Your arms felt heavy, you couldn't even fight back at this point. You were slipping away fast.

“Don't worry Kitten, we'll explain everything once we get you home and you wake up. Things will all make sense soon, we promise.”

“We’ll do better this time. We won't let you get away from us, we've worked too hard to get you back. But we'll tell you all about that after you get some sleep. Just rest for now, your perfectly safe with us Sweetling. We love you so much!”

That was all you heard before sleep claimed you. Your last thought was that you hoped your sleep would be black. The last thing you wanted was to dream and have to see their faces again.

I hope everyone enjoys this extra long chapter, the next one will probably be about the same length, if not just a bit longer! If you have the time please let me know what you thought. I was incredibly worried about the pacing I set for it. I feel like it was too rushed.

As I said before, thank you again to @jadepillar18 for the inspiration on this story!

Enjoy!

[fuck-customers]

College bookstore kid back again. We're just coming to the end of the "back to school" rush. Allow me to share with you some highlights of the last week. 

So rush is generally a good time for all of us working year-round, plus all of the temps we hire. There are a lot of recurring temps that we love to see, and a couple newbies, but this has been THE best and smoothest rush our store has ever had.... And yet, somehow, still not good enough for our lovely customers. 

We had a survey contest going on because our survey numbers have been shitty since the store is slow for like 99% of the year. It got our numbers up a ton, which is great, but led to some interesting customer reactions such as:

- A woman approached my coworker's register after she finished checking someone else out and overheard her little spiel about the survey. The woman looked nice, but before coworker could even start ringing her up, the woman leaned over the counter and said, "Listen, [name], I'm not doing your little survey. You seem nice, but I don't do surveys. They don't need to know any more about me." Then proceeded to sign up for a rental account (which requires giving a ton of information ab yourself including credit card and phone number and stuff).

- I was on the register right next to the same coworker (who ended up actually winning the competition) and the customer overheard coworker giving her spiel while I rang her up and made some small talk politely. At the end when I told her to do my survey and mention my name, she asked for coworker's name instead because she "thought she was peppier." 

- Woman (on her phone during the transaction) throws her credit card at a different coworker, then when said coworker explains the survey, the woman (no longer on the phone) says very loudly, "Do I LOOK like I want to do some dumb ass survey?" 

Also in this week, we had a lot of returns because some professors tell us they are using a book and then decide to not use the book, or people are dropping and switching classes. It's usually not a big deal, except this guy came in wanting to do a return and we poked some huge holes in his story. 

Guy wants to return a personal finance book. He's got the receipt and everything. He wants to exchange for another book because he switched classes. No biggie, until we see that the finance book is not in shrink wrap. We're pretty suspicious because we're 99% sure the book comes with an access code, meaning it is sent to us in shrink wrap so that the code doesn't get stolen. We ask the guy, but he swears "It wasn't in any plastic when I bought it. It's just the book."

So I go to our shelves while my coworker hangs onto the book and talks to the guy, asking some more questions. Every copy of that book that we have comes in plastic wrap. Every single one, because they all come with an access code. I hand a copy to my coworker and tell him there are none without the code. 

We open the guy's book to see if the code is even still in there (so we can try to buy the book back from him instead of returning it so he at least gets something). There's no code. Customer swears there was never a code to begin with. We opened the shrink wrapped book from the shelf and show him that there's a code BOUND INTO the book that you have to cut out if you want to remove it, and he insists that there never was one. 

So we tell him straight up we can't return it because there's no way we sold him this book without an access code and not in shrink wrap. And then we get tears. Just straight up tears as he's like "What do you mean? So you won't sell me the other book? this is bullshit!" 

We're like, "Sir we can still sell you the book but you won't get any money back on this because you took it out of the shrink wrap and took the access code too." He claims he didn't know that was our policy, so we pull out his receipt and read the return policy section to him word for word. He takes his book and leaves angrily while we talk about whether or not he thought crying would make us give him a return. 

Tl;dr - Back to school season brings people angry about a survey, and a guy tries to "trick" us into giving him a refund on something that violates policy by crying. 

[chilly-territory]

K ~ Four Seasons of K: Sweet x Sweet White Day

The second story from the 4 seasons of K series, which also serves as a continuation of the much earlier short story Sweet Valentine. The original Japanese text is kindly provided by blueseraphima. 

Sweet x Sweet White Day by Furuhashi Hideyuki

"Is this for me...?"

On the 14th of March, in a hallway of Scepter 4's HQ after the all troops general practice, Awashima Seri unwrapped the cloth of a multi-tiered bentou box she had just received, opened the lid and cocked her head to the side.

The inside of the lacquered multi-tiered box the size of a standard bentou container was tightly lined with white dumplings resembling dango that were covered with some kind of milky white paste.

"It's some sort of wagashi with shiroan, I take it... but what exactly are these while dumplings?" "They are marshmallows, ma'am!"

To be exact, it was marshmallow kinton[*] decorated with handmade shiroan, as Hidaka, back ramrod straight, explained to Awashima whose head tilted to the side again.

"On behalf of all the fencing troops... ah, no, i-if you take it as a present from me personally, I won't mind in the slightest."

There was a good reason why Hidaka changed his wording half-way, blushing furiously all the while.

*

"I won't stop you, but do it under your own name," was what Fuse Daiki, Hidaka's coworker, said when Hidaka was making preparations for White Day. "If you give it to her on behalf of all of us fencing troops, she'll feel obliged to return the favor, hitting us all with some potent anko stray bullets in return yet again."

A month ago, on Valentine's day, Awashima shocked all the troops with her obligatory and heart-felt chocolate alike, which turned out to be big and small botamochi cakes, with anko filling and chocolate frosting. Even with no pretext in the form of a marked day, Awashima Seri never passed up the chance to offer people around her anko in huge amounts. While that habit could be chalked up to her being the daughter of a long-standing wagashi confectionery shop owners, everyone within Scepter 4 shared an unspoken understanding that giving her an excuse to bust out her anko was a big no.

The basic policy was to ignore the existence of anko altogether. Hidaka, however, wanted to break away from that guiding principle and, using Awashima's Valentine Day's anko as the pretext, tried to sell the idea of giving her White Day's anko next. That plan was motivated by his personal desire to make up for what he had missed out on, having very little experience with the so called springtime of youth in his high school days, and he was perfectly aware of his selfishness. Still, lacking in experience as he was, he was very serious about dragging those around him in it in the form of holding a 'discussion'.

"Hmmm... if the present was personal... wouldn't she find it hard to accept because of... implications?" Hidaka asked restlessly, giving his colleagues an opportunity to speak up. "Well, 'hard to accept' is, uh..." Enomoto started. "It's plenty hard to accept as it is already~" Gotou remarked. "Yeah, starting with how that kind of a return gift is totally over the top," Fuse cut in again. "Mm... is that so. I don't really get why though," Hidaka pondered, arms crossed. "Just to make sure of something..." Enomoto chimed in. "You don't mean it in the romantic way, by any chance, right?"

Hidaka shook his head. "No, I don't plan to take things that far so all of a sudden. Rather, I mean it in a way that would make you question if there is a name for this aching feeling that's flickering somewhere in-between Love and Like." "Ah... Okay." "Nfufu, here it strikes again, that pure heart of his." "Upon an objective look, you're a pretty disgusting dude, you know."

In the end, the conclusion the majority had agreed upon was "You should present your handmade sweets as only a humble sign of gratitude for Valentine’s Day's botamochi - and keep your weird implications to yourself!"

"Nfufu, a sweets man... that's sure to grab a lot of points in girls' book." "Oh, really, Gotty?!" "Gotou, quit saying useless stuff, he'll take it seriously."

...And so, on White day Hidaka presented Awashima a multi-tiered bentou box with marshmallow kinton and the words along the lines of the above-mentioned, closing this case smoothly... or so he thought.

"Private Hidaka, could I have a minute of your time?" Awashima called out to him the very next day, stopping him dead in his tracks.

*

An hour later, the four members of the squad Hidaka belonged to met in a room in the troops dorm to hold a council.

"Nfu... So, what did Awashima-san say?" Gotou broke the ice. "She thanked me for the present and gave me back the washed bentou box." "...How normal," Fuse commented. "She also gave me beans." "Beans...?" "The brand they use at her family's confectionery shop."

Hidaka produced largish white beans. The amount of about 2 handfuls was packed into a transparent vinyl bag.

"Oh, they're pretty huge." "They're Shirahana beans, I think. Used as cooked, and for making things like white nattou... and also shiroan." "Huh?" Fuse cocked his head to the side. "It's not rare to thank for ingredients you receive with ready made food... but giving raw ingredients as a thanks for cooked food? How are you even supposed to interpret something like that?" "Did the Lieutenant say anything else?" "A lot, actually. Like, how long you're supposed to soak the beans in water, how long you should boil them, how to choose those with thin skin, with what utensils you are to strain them, and more..." "Wait, isn't that..." "Yup, fault-finding, totally!" "Uugh, I see now...!" Hidaka dropped his head into his hands, while his esteemed squadmates didn't pass up the opportunity to kick him when he was already down.

"Nfufu, that is to say~" "That the task of giving anko as a present to the utmost anko authority around was too hopelessly tall from the start." "Still... all things considered, I have to say, I don't quite understand why she gave Hidaka raw beans," Enomoto wondered.

Gotou was the one to answer, "Mnn... Normally, you'd interpret it as a redo order, no?" "Seri-chan sure pulls no punches." "...No, wait, I..." Hidaka lifted his head. "...I interpret it as encouragement." "Huh?" "I don't believe that Awashima Seri that we know would waste anko beans for the purpose of simply being sarcastic or reprimanding. So I'm sure this is her message for me to encourage me to study the subject more diligently." "Study more, huh? You just mixed some random marshmallow with some random boiled beans you bought, no?" "Yes, and I admit that I was too naive. This is something that I should have taken seriously. Alright, I'll start right away!" Hidaka declared, pumping his fist in the air.

The other three exchanged looks.

"Haah." "You sure are pumped up, sweets-man." "This rouses his sportsman's instincts, I bet."

"...So, how did it go?" was a question thrown at Hidaka 2 days later.

Enomoto found a recipe for him that Hidaka used as the base for his shiroan that he made to the best on his amateurish ability. He presented it to Awashima the day before, and today Awashima was to give him her assessment...

"She said 'Still too weak, so you should take time letting the beans absorb more water'." "Whoa, more technical guidance, huh." "She also gave me advice on things like recommended sugar quantity, acceptable moisture levels and such... I took notes. Time to go improve immediately." "You're not losing heart yet?" "What are you going to do about the ingredients?" "No worries. I received 5 kg of beans from her." Hidaka, on his way to the kitchen, suddenly stopped and looked over his shoulder. "Ah right, I almost forgot. Eno, do you happen to know, by any chance, how to make marshmallow?"

...For the next 3 days, barely with any rest, Hidaka kept trial making marshmallow kinton and delivering the result to Awashima. On her part, Awashima kept accepting it with a straight face and giving him useful advice on how to improve.

Broadening the horizons where ingredients were concerned, learning a multitude of cooking methods and acquiring a mindset open to new recipes - Hidaka's knowledge and skill when it came to making wagashi, both of which at the beginning were on a grade schooler's level, were now improving by leaps and bounds thanks to Awashima's uncompromising sharp tongue and Hidaka's own burning reckless enthusiasm.

*

And so, a month later, the masterpiece was complete.

On the plate in Awashima's hand, shiroan formed large exquisite waves carefully shaped with a small crimper. Their shape, lively in its presentation, reminded one of Hokusai's ukiyo-e[**], accented with small beads of marshmallow gleaming like true pearls in all their splendor. The creation was named 'Wave flower'.

Awashima stuck a toothpick into it with a solemn look on her face, tearing off the crest of a shiroan wave, and carried it into her mouth.

Shiroan, sprinkled with a faint cinnamon scent, had just the right hardness, allowing for just an edge of softness. It was the optimum firmness that enhanced the flavor of shiroan and brought out the texture of the marshmallow that was mixed in with it. The marshmallow beads burst open in the mouth just as the teeth felt their pleasant elasticity, adding a slightly salty tang to the mix as the fresh mint fragrance filled one's mouth.

"...Splendid." Awashima put away the toothpick. "It is simple yet deep, traditional yet novel... I have nothing more left to say." "...Thank you," Hidaka bowed his head deeply. But he didn't grin a big silly smile of a happy man at the compliment. No, he had been past that stage already. He only nodded with quiet confidence.

Seeing that, Awashima spoke up. "There is something I have been considering for a while..." she started with hesitation, which was unusual for her. After a small prudent pause, she found her words again, "Hidaka-kun, if you so desire... I would like to offer you to come to my family's house some day and help us with the store."

*

"---You don't have to rush with your decision, but give it some thought as one of your life plan options."

When Hidaka brought Awashima's words to his squadmates, they got thoroughly excited.

"Eh?! Isn't that... basically a proposal?" "Awashima-san doesn't waste time, charging in with no holds barred~" "There's no half-tones or nuances with her, really."

After a while, their shock abated.

"...'Come to my family's house', huh... Oh well, maybe it's worth considering as a possible future course." "A long-standing shop with a reputation to uphold... talk about heavy." "Yeah, actually, you can't help getting cold feet, right?"

"No, I..." Hidaka faced his squadmates and began to speak, completely serious. "At first, I started this wagashi-making project to win the Lieutenant's favor, but now that I've had the chance to see for myself how profound it is... I probably have feelings for the Lieutenant and anko equally."

"Ooh, it's that bad, huh..." "Nfu, in that case, there's no problem, is there~" "Right...!" Hidaka exclaimed with energy. "No," Fuse butted in. "You're the type to fall under others' influence way too easily, so I advice you to exercise caution in this matter."

*

"---About what we discussed yesterday... I'd like to accept your offer!" with soulful spirit like never before in his life, Hidaka gave his answer. "Oh, you have come to a decision already?" "Yes! Since I thought that keeping you waiting would be rude of me!" "You should take your time thinking over my offer thoroughly. It is a life affecting decision for you, after all." "...I see." Hidaka's shoulders slumped, energy leaving him. "...Still, thank you. My brother will be happy to hear the good news." "Eh... brother? What does your brother have to do with it, if I may be so rude as to ask?" Hidaka was a loss at the turn the conversation had taken, and Awashima sensed the need to explain. "Well, you see, my older brother succeeded our family's shop, but we could find no one who could take over the job of the workers of my father's generation... Descriptors like 'long-standing' and 'with long traditions' may have a nice ring to them, but the downside is that there is a severe shortage of suitable workers for a shop that uses the old-fashioned way of doing things like ours." The expression on Awashima's face suddenly changed from pensive to smiling. "On that account you leave nothing to be desired. I will vouch for your talent and your enthusiasm for wagashi-making with no hesitation. ...When you first asked me to sample your creation, I couldn't have thought that you would improve so much." "I see." Hidaka felt the conversation was going off on a tangent. "Umm, so I'll be helping your family as an assistant... and what will you do, Lieutenant?" "Let's see... I'd like to keep working for Scepter 4 for as long as the circumstances allow, but you never know what the future has in store. I'm envious of you since you have already decided what you want to do."

*

...In the end, Awashima seemed to have interpreted the present she had received on White Day as nothing more than a request to taste-test the anko, no mind paid to the meaning of the event or to the implication of the love affair possibility.

"Oh well, my rashness is to blame for this whole fiasco... so wagashi shop worker plans are on hold now," dejected Hidaka confessed. "Idiot, why did you backpedal? It wasn't like there was no chance in hell for you with her," Fuse reprimanded. "True," Enomoto agreed, "getting an acknowledgement of your anko-making skills is the highest rating you could have received from the Lieutenant...." "'Lieutenant, I want to start a branch store with you! Let us hoist the sign curtain of our life together!' is the card you could've played." "Ah, that sounded kind of promising~," Gotou interjected. "I've no regrets. It's not about that anyway." "Then why are you boiling anko beans as we speak, pray tell?"

Hidaka who stood in the kitchen, turned his head. "I'm experimenting with a new brand of beans. The Lieutenant is in charge of coarse anko, and I'm in charge of smooth anko. When she says 'you're the only one in whose hands I can leave this task without any worries', you just can't refuse, you see." "How did it even come to that?" "Leave me alone. This is my own problem." "No, it's no longer only your problem. Now that the Lieutenant has you as her henchman, she's more fired up than ever about that anko obsession of hers," Fuse declared loudly. "---Anko production volumes will skyrocket because of you!"

*

And so, 'Wave flower' had gone on to become a very popular product at Awashima Traditional Confections as the 'New Excellent Confection of Choice'.

T/N: [*] Kinton is wagashi cakes, which are made of white beans, sweet bean paste (shiroan) and sugar [**] Ukiyo-e is prints and paintings done on woodblocks that were popular in 17-19th centuries, and Hokusai was a famous ukiyo-e painter, most known for his series of 36 Views of Mount Fuji, that includes his most famous print, the Great Wave off Kanagawa.

[justfollowmyhansel]

And By the Time We Get to Canberra, Love Will Keep Our Time Tables Together — July 3rd, 2018

My plane was set to leave Kansas City, Missouri at 7:30pm, Monday July 3rd. This fact had not changed from when I booked the plane ticket in April and asked off for the block of time I’d need.

Originally, the assistant store manager had said to leave him a note as to what time I could work until on the day I headed out and he’d schedule me for the morning shift. Having flown a number of times already, I was confident that I didn’t need to take any time off in front of the trip. Going to Japan all it had done was leave me an extra day that I wished would pass sooner.

By the time it came to make the schedule in late June, Gary had been transferred to another store in the district for a month. His replacement, Paige, was not able to make a store schedule as she was still in training and the store manager, apparently never got the note that I had left as to exactly what time on that day I’d be able to work.

It was relatively easy to sort out, explaining that this was something I had previously discussed blah blah….

The work day went relatively smoothly. Much like the lead up to Memorial Day in May, not a whole lot of shoppers came in and the ones that did were relatively happy to be there since they were preparing for parties and seeing relatives they didn’t get a chance to see all that often and in a generally happy holiday mood. Or maybe they weren’t and my excitement at being able to get away was something I projected onto them to make my experience easier.

There was also a general return to happy for the customers now that we had stopped asking for donations with every transaction – for a policy that was supposed to be about community outreach, it came across as a little… tone deaf.

As I headed out the door, my coworker Bob asked why I was heading out so early compared to my usual schedule of staying until at least six. I told him that I was going on vacation for a few weeks to Australia. He wished me a good vacation and to enjoy my time away from the “craziness that is here.”

My mom drove me home and we grabbed the luggage I had already packed for the trip. I had a few things that needed to be transferred over or transferred to a different pocket in anticipation of the TSA pat down and ultimately the estimates of how long it would take me to get out the door and up to the airport were more or less on track. Things were running smoothly. We chose to play the extended RENT mix I had made for a previous trip up to Iowa to see the show live.... Things were good.

At the airport, things continued to go well, I got my boarding passes from the airline kiosk, I made my way through the line…much like the other recent times that I had been to the airport, I was selected for pat down. Not because of a low hanging crotch on my usual workpants now safely stowed at home to avoid any airline snafous but because of a slight bunch up of my shirt at my back. I shrugged this off, just glad that I didn’t have a luggage search to go along with the brief pat down, Heaven forbid I was attempting to travel with M&Ms again….

At the gate, I met two women from near my hometown who were also going to Sydney. Oh, what a conscience! What are you going to Sydney for? They told me that they were going for a work event. The one sister worked for an international company and they had decided to turn it into a weeklong vacation taking in the beauty of Australia. What was I going to Sydney for? I explained about how I was going down to see my favourite performer perform at the Sydney Opera House. They asked who it was and I said his name and that he was best known for Hedwig and— “That’s who we’re seeing too!” They asked a little bit more about John and about Hedwig, I mentioned that a lot of Hedwig was inspired by various parts of Kansas, most notably Junction City and Wichita. That she was a musician and trans, that in the show she talked about her life and how her ex, a musician called Tommy Gnosis had stolen her music and gone on to international fame. I asked how they decided to see John above all the other performers that were going to be at the Opera House that week and they said that his show was just the most interesting looking.

We chatted for a good ten to fifteen minutes with me explaining that I was seeing most of the Australian shows including one that actually came before the Opera House and that I’d have to get on a bus after getting off of the plane in Sydney to get to and that I had traveled to see John before and that he was such a dynamic performer, it was incredible.

After we parted, I sat down at the first empty seat a few rows away and updated my mom as to what had happened. A couple of minutes later, I got a text that the plane to San Francisco was going to be delayed by about ten minutes. Okay… it would make my forty minute gate time closer to half an hour, but it was workable. I might not be able to stop off to go to the bathroom or get food before getting on the second plane like I had planned, but that would be okay. They’d feed me on the plane and I was certain I could find something to eat in Australia. And no matter how small it might be, they’d certainly have a bathroom on the plane. I knew because I’d booked my seat right by it.

A few minutes later, I got another text saying the plane might be delayed another five minutes. That one made me more nervous because it meant the difference between not having time to browse the airport and basically having to sprint off of one plane and onto another. But again, doable. Nothing worth stressing over and everything worth strategizing over. I’d figure out the best way to get from one gate to the next based on the terminal map in the United app.

A third text put the plane from Kansas City to San Francisco arriving ten minutes after the plane from San Francisco to Sydney would have already left.

I approached the gate agent, attempting to stay calm because none of this was her fault. None of this could even be blamed on the air traffic controllers doing their best to ensure everyone’s safety, but I still had some place I had to be and a lot less buffer time than I had initially planned for.

I asked if the plane to Sydney would be delayed since multiple people were also coming off of the Kansas City flight. She said no, the airline tried extra hard to make sure that international flights left their gate on time. I asked when the next flight to Sydney was. She said that it would be 12 hours from when my plane was supposed to leave and out of Chicago. I did the math. My plane in Sydney was due to arrive a little before 7am. John’s show in Canberra was scheduled to start at 7 or 8 and it was a three hour bus ride from Sydney to Canberra. I asked if there was a flight to anywhere else in Australia that might get me there sooner and mentioned that while Sydney was my ticketed destination, my initial plans had changed and I actually needed to be in Canberra first. Adding that information did not help. There were only three flights that that airline did out of the United States to Australia at all during the week and those were San Francisco, Chicago, and Seattle. There was one other flight by United that was scheduled to leave MCI before the end of the night at that was the Chicago one that had just boarded and was about to leave. The problem with that, if I could get a seat on board, was that even if Chicago has an immediate flight out to San Francisco, it  would run into the same landing problems at SFO that my flight would potentially have, meaning I’d be no better off taking that one. And there was no way that she could rebook my ticket to any of the other carriers at either airport as none of them had flights that would get me there in time. My only option for getting the airline to reimburse me for any potential monetary loss would be to go to San Francisco and see what happened once I got there. It was always possible that whatever weather would potentially prevent landing in SFO, would also prevent takeoff from SFO. Of course, getting my money back would be a very small consolation prize to me having already missed the first show in Adelaide a couple of weeks earlier.

Suddenly overwhelmed, I called my mother, who was driving and let it go to voicemail. Once in the driveway, she called me back and basically told me that I had asked all the right questions, all the questions that I could ask in that situation, but that there was no way to make the plane come faster. I’d just have to get on it once it got there and find out what would happen then.

The plane, for its part, arrived at the KC gate a little after the time it was supposed to and we were all boarded more or less five minutes after we were supposed to have been. The pilot mentioned the same weather that MCI’s United hub had texted me about and said that he would try to get there on time as a lot of us had connecting flights.

We landed ten minutes early.

I took a large sigh of relief and was able to go to the bathroom before my next flight took off – and buy a book, Eddie Izzard’s biography.

Once settled into the plane with my overhead things stored and myself arranged into the chair I’d be spending the next half day seated in, the pilot made an announcement. They had been able to get boarding done early and everything was ready for takeoff, but they were going to sit at the airport a little bit longer because while flights in the US could take off or land whenever the airlines and the air traffic controllers saw fit to schedule them, Sydney had passed a noise pollution ordinance which meant that they couldn’t land the plane in Sydney until after 6:30 and right now, we were on course to get there almost an hour early because of the headwinds. People swiveled their heads to look at me my eye roll was so loud.

Despite feeling that that had been an unnecessary amount of stress for what would have ended up being a non-issue even if the plane had run into issues getting into SFO, I also felt particularly lucky. Short of me not getting on the plane, there was no way that I wasn’t going to have gotten to Sydney on time. Something was on my side and wanted me to get to Canberra.

On the flight over, I took the opportunity to watch some films I hadn’t seen that had come out the past year, namely A Fantastic Woman and The Shape of Water. I’d been hearing about both since that year’s Oscars. Both had been nominated and very well received in the circles I ran it. Both films were rendered beautifully for their genres with The Shape of Water a science fiction fairy tale about a deaf woman who falls in love with a water creature from the dawn of time, presumed to be a god on Earth and A Fantastic Woman as a realistic drama set in this world with unfortunately still modern prejudices against transgender people. I related to both films, more so immediately to A Fantastic Woman as I felt more direct pushback on being trans than on being in love with a sea creature.

I didn’t get around to the book, largely because the motion on planes gives me a large scale version of car sickness if I try to focus on a written page, but beyond the in-flight entertainment I did watch some of the films I had brought on my phone from my home collection. And when I wanted a change of pace from those, a couple of old standbys from the in-flight menu.

[webbygraphic001]

The Secret Designer: The Abusive Employer

Before I start, I should clarify that my story isn’t from the perspective of a web designer; it’s from the perspective of someone who managed a web design agency and witnessed some pretty awful things done to the offsite team. Like firing every single one of them…without notice…via email…over Christmas…

Jumping into the Unknown

Prior to taking the job at said firm, I had been a lifelong production manager. I worked at a number of high-profile enterprises—many of whom you’ve heard of—as well as for smaller, boutique businesses that were on the up and up. However, my partner at the time accepted a job across the country, and I was unable to take my office job on the road.

Needless to say, when a remote management position opened with Shady Agency [obviously, not their real name], I jumped at it.

It wasn’t just that the job was in my area of specialty or that it gave me the freedom to work from wherever I wanted. The owners of Shady Agency made it seem like theirs was the company to work for: High-profile clientele; Esteemed reputation in their industry; And a 100% remote team all dedicated to the mission.

What I didn’t know at the time though was that the mission boiled down to the following:

If the clients don’t complain about it, just give them the most half-assed work you can manage.

Obviously, I wasn’t aware of this. I was hired to develop technical documentation and bring order to their web design and content creation workflows. So, for the first few months at this job, my head was down and I was dedicated to enhancing productivity and output.

Then one of the owners quit.

Up until that point, she had been managing the remote team in isolation. Neither the other owner nor myself had really interacted with them at that point. I knew their names, I knew their roles, I knew that there were occasionally problems in terms of quality, but, beyond that, I had no insights into what was happening on their side of things.

That’s When the Problems Came to Light

With the departure of the managing owner, I was asked to step in and supervise the web design and content marketing teams. I’d had first-hand experience in both fields in the past, so it made sense this would be added to my list of responsibilities.

It quickly became clear, however, that there was a reason the previous owner had kept the team from us…

Job Discrepancies

For starters, there were 15 full-time employees living in India and China. They served as our web designers, WordPress developers, social media administrators, and content managers. While the first two roles were easy to define and assign ownership to, the last two weren’t… and none of those employees seemed to know what their title was or what they should be doing.

This became evident when I set Shady Agency up with its first ever project workflow within our content management system. I developed a thorough set of documentation and screenshots as well as a system of checklists that would ensure we were hitting all required steps. However, I was unable to assign many of the tasks because no one would step forward to claim ownership of them.

I eventually began doling out assignments and just crossing my fingers, hoping they would get done. Even then, I found that the work was greatly imbalanced. Some employees managed entire clients while others only seemed to handle things like blog post optimization or report generation—neither of which took much time at all, and yet they were billing the company for overtime every week.

Miscommunications

Then I had my first team call with everyone.

One problem I encountered was the fact that I had to hold the call at 11 p.m. my time because they lived on the opposite side of the world. The way our time zones worked out, there was never any overlap between when they worked and when I worked, which meant I could never provide feedback or hold conversations in real-time unless I was willing to work overnight.

Another problem I ran into was that I discovered that most of them did not speak English, at least not well enough that they could communicate outside of brief emails. Now, this, in and of itself, is not a problem. I have worked for international companies in the past and was always able to effectively communicate with coworkers despite any language barrier. And, if we weren’t able to speak the same language, it was usually okay as they were hired for a skill that didn’t require it. That was not the case here.

Shady Agency served high-profile enterprises in the United States, with a strictly US-based audience. This meant that any design or content we created needed to be in line with US web design standards and the content needed to be fluently written. Neither of these requirements were being met.

Undervaluing of the Team

I don’t want to disparage any of the work the team did; They were each talented individuals in their own right. However, the team setup led to my inability to:

Communicate because of the language barrier;

Discuss matters in real-time;

Meet clients’ expectations repeatedly.

It was all bad for business.

Ultimately, I put the blame on the owners who hired the team as they set them up for failure.

As was later explained to me:

We pay each of them the equivalent of $2 an hour, so it doesn’t matter if they charge us overtime or do a crappy job since it costs practically nothing to keep them around. We’ll just have to fix their work before it goes to the clients.

As you can imagine, the employees were well aware of this, too. Which is why when I came in with my super controlled workflows, guidelines, time tracking tools, and budgets, it did not go over well as they had been doing whatever they wanted for years: Late on deadlines; Rushed and incoherent copy; Outdated designs; Broken code. Again, I don’t blame them for behaving the way they did.

Shady Agency created a toxic and unprofessional environment in which they treated overseas designers and marketers like expendable assets. And they took advantage of their clients’ naivete… until they couldn’t make excuses for why content was late, designs weren’t up to snuff, and developers always seemed to be “unavailable” whenever they wanted to talk about the technical aspects of their websites.

The Mass Firing and Aftermath

After Shady Agency lost five clients in a month (due to consistent quality issues) and about 80% of its recurring revenue along with them, the owner made the decision to let the entire team go.

However, it took two months for him to finally pull the trigger. Just before Christmas, he came to the realization that if he didn’t let them go before New Year, he was going to have to a) pay out their annual bonuses, and b) deal with the associated taxes for them in the following year. And, so, he emailed each of them when he knew they were on holiday, informing them that, effective immediately, they no longer had a job.

Needless to say, I was shocked and disgusted, and wanted to immediately run away. However, I was about to move across the country again and couldn’t afford to be jobless. So, I returned to work after the new year and met with my boss to discuss the future of the company. (The company being me and him since all other roles had been outsourced and there was no one else left.)

In a nutshell, this is what happened afterwards: My boss asked me to step in and manage whatever work remained until we could hire replacements.

I had used Dreamweaver to design websites in the way, way distant past, Photoshop to optimize photography, and WordPress to build my blog. But that was the extent of my website-building capabilities. So, I spent the next two weeks teaching myself as much as I could about WordPress, plugins, themes, modern web design techniques, SEO, and so on.

That month, I took over the management of our remaining clients’ websites and marketing programs while developing a completely new workflow and policy for pretty much everything. The last thing I wanted to do was bring in a new set of web designers and content marketers, and go through the same thing.

So, when I was feeling confident about what I’d done, I began looking for freelancers on websites like LinkedIn, Guru, and Freelancer. I properly vetted each and every one of them, offered the winning candidates paid testing opportunities, and slowly grew our team again.

Within six months, Shady Agency was up and running at full steam as the target clientele caught wind of the changes. Not only were we producing a much higher quality of work than ever before, but we had some really amazing talent that fit well with the company’s restructured values and that now actively participated in all relevant discussions with our clients.

The Lesson We Should All Take from This

Obviously, I don’t want to sit here and claim to be some hero. I feel terribly about what happened to the original team and I never followed up with any of them because I was ashamed of how it all went down. I was so new to the company and, to be quite frank, shocked at how poorly everything was managed and how it had gone unnoticed for so long, that I didn’t know what to do. I had managed production pipelines and project workflows before; not people.

I also don’t believe I deserve accolades for getting the company back up and running. What happened there is what should happen at companies everywhere. In other words:

Properly assess your business plan and make it a viable one… not just “How do we get this done on the cheap and without clients knowing?”

Hire the right set of employees from the get go and really give them an opportunity to test you out as much as you test them.

And treat everyone well. Your team should be well-supported and given the tools to succeed. Your clients should be treated like partners that enable your business to grow as you help them with theirs.

At the end of the day, the lesson to take away from this is that, as an owner or manager of a design agency, you need to value the employees you have. If you don’t, then you need to take a good hard look at why that is and properly remedy the situation.

As a freelance designer or employee, you need to be able to recognize bad opportunities when they come along. I know that’s easier said than done (especially if you’re desperate for work), but there are some really dishonest and unappreciative employers out there. You get stuck in a position like that, and chances are good you will become spiteful and uncaring, your work will suffer, and you’ll give that s****y employer every reason to let go of you in a manner you don’t deserve.

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[unixcommerce]

The Secret Designer: The Abusive Employer

Before I start, I should clarify that my story isn’t from the perspective of a web designer; it’s from the perspective of someone who managed a web design agency and witnessed some pretty awful things done to the offsite team. Like firing every single one of them…without notice…via email…over Christmas…

Jumping into the Unknown

Prior to taking the job at said firm, I had been a lifelong production manager. I worked at a number of high-profile enterprises—many of whom you’ve heard of—as well as for smaller, boutique businesses that were on the up and up. However, my partner at the time accepted a job across the country, and I was unable to take my office job on the road.

Needless to say, when a remote management position opened with Shady Agency [obviously, not their real name], I jumped at it.

It wasn’t just that the job was in my area of specialty or that it gave me the freedom to work from wherever I wanted. The owners of Shady Agency made it seem like theirs was the company to work for: High-profile clientele; Esteemed reputation in their industry; And a 100% remote team all dedicated to the mission.

What I didn’t know at the time though was that the mission boiled down to the following:

If the clients don’t complain about it, just give them the most half-assed work you can manage.

Obviously, I wasn’t aware of this. I was hired to develop technical documentation and bring order to their web design and content creation workflows. So, for the first few months at this job, my head was down and I was dedicated to enhancing productivity and output.

Then one of the owners quit.

Up until that point, she had been managing the remote team in isolation. Neither the other owner nor myself had really interacted with them at that point. I knew their names, I knew their roles, I knew that there were occasionally problems in terms of quality, but, beyond that, I had no insights into what was happening on their side of things.

That’s When the Problems Came to Light

With the departure of the managing owner, I was asked to step in and supervise the web design and content marketing teams. I’d had first-hand experience in both fields in the past, so it made sense this would be added to my list of responsibilities.

It quickly became clear, however, that there was a reason the previous owner had kept the team from us…

Job Discrepancies

For starters, there were 15 full-time employees living in India and China. They served as our web designers, WordPress developers, social media administrators, and content managers. While the first two roles were easy to define and assign ownership to, the last two weren’t… and none of those employees seemed to know what their title was or what they should be doing.

This became evident when I set Shady Agency up with its first ever project workflow within our content management system. I developed a thorough set of documentation and screenshots as well as a system of checklists that would ensure we were hitting all required steps. However, I was unable to assign many of the tasks because no one would step forward to claim ownership of them.

I eventually began doling out assignments and just crossing my fingers, hoping they would get done. Even then, I found that the work was greatly imbalanced. Some employees managed entire clients while others only seemed to handle things like blog post optimization or report generation—neither of which took much time at all, and yet they were billing the company for overtime every week.

Miscommunications

Then I had my first team call with everyone.

One problem I encountered was the fact that I had to hold the call at 11 p.m. my time because they lived on the opposite side of the world. The way our time zones worked out, there was never any overlap between when they worked and when I worked, which meant I could never provide feedback or hold conversations in real-time unless I was willing to work overnight.

Another problem I ran into was that I discovered that most of them did not speak English, at least not well enough that they could communicate outside of brief emails. Now, this, in and of itself, is not a problem. I have worked for international companies in the past and was always able to effectively communicate with coworkers despite any language barrier. And, if we weren’t able to speak the same language, it was usually okay as they were hired for a skill that didn’t require it. That was not the case here.

Shady Agency served high-profile enterprises in the United States, with a strictly US-based audience. This meant that any design or content we created needed to be in line with US web design standards and the content needed to be fluently written. Neither of these requirements were being met.

Undervaluing of the Team

I don’t want to disparage any of the work the team did; They were each talented individuals in their own right. However, the team setup led to my inability to:

Communicate because of the language barrier;

Discuss matters in real-time;

Meet clients’ expectations repeatedly.

It was all bad for business.

Ultimately, I put the blame on the owners who hired the team as they set them up for failure.

As was later explained to me:

We pay each of them the equivalent of $2 an hour, so it doesn’t matter if they charge us overtime or do a crappy job since it costs practically nothing to keep them around. We’ll just have to fix their work before it goes to the clients.

As you can imagine, the employees were well aware of this, too. Which is why when I came in with my super controlled workflows, guidelines, time tracking tools, and budgets, it did not go over well as they had been doing whatever they wanted for years: Late on deadlines; Rushed and incoherent copy; Outdated designs; Broken code. Again, I don’t blame them for behaving the way they did.

Shady Agency created a toxic and unprofessional environment in which they treated overseas designers and marketers like expendable assets. And they took advantage of their clients’ naivete… until they couldn’t make excuses for why content was late, designs weren’t up to snuff, and developers always seemed to be “unavailable” whenever they wanted to talk about the technical aspects of their websites.

The Mass Firing and Aftermath

After Shady Agency lost five clients in a month (due to consistent quality issues) and about 80% of its recurring revenue along with them, the owner made the decision to let the entire team go.

However, it took two months for him to finally pull the trigger. Just before Christmas, he came to the realization that if he didn’t let them go before New Year, he was going to have to a) pay out their annual bonuses, and b) deal with the associated taxes for them in the following year. And, so, he emailed each of them when he knew they were on holiday, informing them that, effective immediately, they no longer had a job.

Needless to say, I was shocked and disgusted, and wanted to immediately run away. However, I was about to move across the country again and couldn’t afford to be jobless. So, I returned to work after the new year and met with my boss to discuss the future of the company. (The company being me and him since all other roles had been outsourced and there was no one else left.)

In a nutshell, this is what happened afterwards: My boss asked me to step in and manage whatever work remained until we could hire replacements.

I had used Dreamweaver to design websites in the way, way distant past, Photoshop to optimize photography, and WordPress to build my blog. But that was the extent of my website-building capabilities. So, I spent the next two weeks teaching myself as much as I could about WordPress, plugins, themes, modern web design techniques, SEO, and so on.

That month, I took over the management of our remaining clients’ websites and marketing programs while developing a completely new workflow and policy for pretty much everything. The last thing I wanted to do was bring in a new set of web designers and content marketers, and go through the same thing.

So, when I was feeling confident about what I’d done, I began looking for freelancers on websites like LinkedIn, Guru, and Freelancer. I properly vetted each and every one of them, offered the winning candidates paid testing opportunities, and slowly grew our team again.

Within six months, Shady Agency was up and running at full steam as the target clientele caught wind of the changes. Not only were we producing a much higher quality of work than ever before, but we had some really amazing talent that fit well with the company’s restructured values and that now actively participated in all relevant discussions with our clients.

The Lesson We Should All Take from This

Obviously, I don’t want to sit here and claim to be some hero. I feel terribly about what happened to the original team and I never followed up with any of them because I was ashamed of how it all went down. I was so new to the company and, to be quite frank, shocked at how poorly everything was managed and how it had gone unnoticed for so long, that I didn’t know what to do. I had managed production pipelines and project workflows before; not people.

I also don’t believe I deserve accolades for getting the company back up and running. What happened there is what should happen at companies everywhere. In other words:

Properly assess your business plan and make it a viable one… not just “How do we get this done on the cheap and without clients knowing?”

Hire the right set of employees from the get go and really give them an opportunity to test you out as much as you test them.

And treat everyone well. Your team should be well-supported and given the tools to succeed. Your clients should be treated like partners that enable your business to grow as you help them with theirs.

At the end of the day, the lesson to take away from this is that, as an owner or manager of a design agency, you need to value the employees you have. If you don’t, then you need to take a good hard look at why that is and properly remedy the situation.

As a freelance designer or employee, you need to be able to recognize bad opportunities when they come along. I know that’s easier said than done (especially if you’re desperate for work), but there are some really dishonest and unappreciative employers out there. You get stuck in a position like that, and chances are good you will become spiteful and uncaring, your work will suffer, and you’ll give that s****y employer every reason to let go of you in a manner you don’t deserve.

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[iyarpage]

The Secret Designer: The Abusive Employer

Before I start, I should clarify that my story isn’t from the perspective of a web designer; it’s from the perspective of someone who managed a web design agency and witnessed some pretty awful things done to the offsite team. Like firing every single one of them…without notice…via email…over Christmas…

Jumping into the Unknown

Prior to taking the job at said firm, I had been a lifelong production manager. I worked at a number of high-profile enterprises—many of whom you’ve heard of—as well as for smaller, boutique businesses that were on the up and up. However, my partner at the time accepted a job across the country, and I was unable to take my office job on the road.

Needless to say, when a remote management position opened with Shady Agency [obviously, not their real name], I jumped at it.

It wasn’t just that the job was in my area of specialty or that it gave me the freedom to work from wherever I wanted. The owners of Shady Agency made it seem like theirs was the company to work for: High-profile clientele; Esteemed reputation in their industry; And a 100% remote team all dedicated to the mission.

What I didn’t know at the time though was that the mission boiled down to the following:

If the clients don’t complain about it, just give them the most half-assed work you can manage.

Obviously, I wasn’t aware of this. I was hired to develop technical documentation and bring order to their web design and content creation workflows. So, for the first few months at this job, my head was down and I was dedicated to enhancing productivity and output.

Then one of the owners quit.

Up until that point, she had been managing the remote team in isolation. Neither the other owner nor myself had really interacted with them at that point. I knew their names, I knew their roles, I knew that there were occasionally problems in terms of quality, but, beyond that, I had no insights into what was happening on their side of things.

That’s When the Problems Came to Light

With the departure of the managing owner, I was asked to step in and supervise the web design and content marketing teams. I’d had first-hand experience in both fields in the past, so it made sense this would be added to my list of responsibilities.

It quickly became clear, however, that there was a reason the previous owner had kept the team from us…

Job Discrepancies

For starters, there were 15 full-time employees living in India and China. They served as our web designers, WordPress developers, social media administrators, and content managers. While the first two roles were easy to define and assign ownership to, the last two weren’t… and none of those employees seemed to know what their title was or what they should be doing.

This became evident when I set Shady Agency up with its first ever project workflow within our content management system. I developed a thorough set of documentation and screenshots as well as a system of checklists that would ensure we were hitting all required steps. However, I was unable to assign many of the tasks because no one would step forward to claim ownership of them.

I eventually began doling out assignments and just crossing my fingers, hoping they would get done. Even then, I found that the work was greatly imbalanced. Some employees managed entire clients while others only seemed to handle things like blog post optimization or report generation—neither of which took much time at all, and yet they were billing the company for overtime every week.

Miscommunications

Then I had my first team call with everyone.

One problem I encountered was the fact that I had to hold the call at 11 p.m. my time because they lived on the opposite side of the world. The way our time zones worked out, there was never any overlap between when they worked and when I worked, which meant I could never provide feedback or hold conversations in real-time unless I was willing to work overnight.

Another problem I ran into was that I discovered that most of them did not speak English, at least not well enough that they could communicate outside of brief emails. Now, this, in and of itself, is not a problem. I have worked for international companies in the past and was always able to effectively communicate with coworkers despite any language barrier. And, if we weren’t able to speak the same language, it was usually okay as they were hired for a skill that didn’t require it. That was not the case here.

Shady Agency served high-profile enterprises in the United States, with a strictly US-based audience. This meant that any design or content we created needed to be in line with US web design standards and the content needed to be fluently written. Neither of these requirements were being met.

Undervaluing of the Team

I don’t want to disparage any of the work the team did; They were each talented individuals in their own right. However, the team setup led to my inability to:

Communicate because of the language barrier;

Discuss matters in real-time;

Meet clients’ expectations repeatedly.

It was all bad for business.

Ultimately, I put the blame on the owners who hired the team as they set them up for failure.

As was later explained to me:

We pay each of them the equivalent of $2 an hour, so it doesn’t matter if they charge us overtime or do a crappy job since it costs practically nothing to keep them around. We’ll just have to fix their work before it goes to the clients.

As you can imagine, the employees were well aware of this, too. Which is why when I came in with my super controlled workflows, guidelines, time tracking tools, and budgets, it did not go over well as they had been doing whatever they wanted for years: Late on deadlines; Rushed and incoherent copy; Outdated designs; Broken code. Again, I don’t blame them for behaving the way they did.

Shady Agency created a toxic and unprofessional environment in which they treated overseas designers and marketers like expendable assets. And they took advantage of their clients’ naivete… until they couldn’t make excuses for why content was late, designs weren’t up to snuff, and developers always seemed to be “unavailable” whenever they wanted to talk about the technical aspects of their websites.

The Mass Firing and Aftermath

After Shady Agency lost five clients in a month (due to consistent quality issues) and about 80% of its recurring revenue along with them, the owner made the decision to let the entire team go.

However, it took two months for him to finally pull the trigger. Just before Christmas, he came to the realization that if he didn’t let them go before New Year, he was going to have to a) pay out their annual bonuses, and b) deal with the associated taxes for them in the following year. And, so, he emailed each of them when he knew they were on holiday, informing them that, effective immediately, they no longer had a job.

Needless to say, I was shocked and disgusted, and wanted to immediately run away. However, I was about to move across the country again and couldn’t afford to be jobless. So, I returned to work after the new year and met with my boss to discuss the future of the company. (The company being me and him since all other roles had been outsourced and there was no one else left.)

In a nutshell, this is what happened afterwards: My boss asked me to step in and manage whatever work remained until we could hire replacements.

I had used Dreamweaver to design websites in the way, way distant past, Photoshop to optimize photography, and WordPress to build my blog. But that was the extent of my website-building capabilities. So, I spent the next two weeks teaching myself as much as I could about WordPress, plugins, themes, modern web design techniques, SEO, and so on.

That month, I took over the management of our remaining clients’ websites and marketing programs while developing a completely new workflow and policy for pretty much everything. The last thing I wanted to do was bring in a new set of web designers and content marketers, and go through the same thing.

So, when I was feeling confident about what I’d done, I began looking for freelancers on websites like LinkedIn, Guru, and Freelancer. I properly vetted each and every one of them, offered the winning candidates paid testing opportunities, and slowly grew our team again.

Within six months, Shady Agency was up and running at full steam as the target clientele caught wind of the changes. Not only were we producing a much higher quality of work than ever before, but we had some really amazing talent that fit well with the company’s restructured values and that now actively participated in all relevant discussions with our clients.

The Lesson We Should All Take from This

Obviously, I don’t want to sit here and claim to be some hero. I feel terribly about what happened to the original team and I never followed up with any of them because I was ashamed of how it all went down. I was so new to the company and, to be quite frank, shocked at how poorly everything was managed and how it had gone unnoticed for so long, that I didn’t know what to do. I had managed production pipelines and project workflows before; not people.

I also don’t believe I deserve accolades for getting the company back up and running. What happened there is what should happen at companies everywhere. In other words:

Properly assess your business plan and make it a viable one… not just “How do we get this done on the cheap and without clients knowing?”

Hire the right set of employees from the get go and really give them an opportunity to test you out as much as you test them.

And treat everyone well. Your team should be well-supported and given the tools to succeed. Your clients should be treated like partners that enable your business to grow as you help them with theirs.

At the end of the day, the lesson to take away from this is that, as an owner or manager of a design agency, you need to value the employees you have. If you don’t, then you need to take a good hard look at why that is and properly remedy the situation.

As a freelance designer or employee, you need to be able to recognize bad opportunities when they come along. I know that’s easier said than done (especially if you’re desperate for work), but there are some really dishonest and unappreciative employers out there. You get stuck in a position like that, and chances are good you will become spiteful and uncaring, your work will suffer, and you’ll give that s****y employer every reason to let go of you in a manner you don’t deserve.

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[fulldreamsahead]

Beware the Mountain

This one is a bit of a doozy and makes up for not having many dreams the past week I guess...... So it begins with me trying to plan a trip for my office. I have four destinations in mind. A lake in Texas that is a sovereign nation. Like literally, its just a lake but its not part of Texas, its its own nation... The Texas tar pits, that are only 30 minutes north of the lake. You have to be careful though, when you search Texas tar pits you have to make sure to write “The Tar pits” if you accidentally write anything else it will take you to the La Brea tar pits... I also should mention that this part of the screen is just a computer screen. Like I do not even have my POV where I can see my hands looking these things up. I am in full screen and what I think happens on the screen. I never actually learn the next two locations though I do keep adding destinations to my google maps trip, there is never actually anything written in the destination line... I map it out and can see that the last two destinations are right next to each other and only 15 minutes from The Tar Pits but they are still a mystery...

The next bit is a sequence of us trying to get to the first destination. We have to sort of hike slash sit on these motorized buggys that can only take us a sort distance...I know you must be imagining an old school horse and buggy carriage right? Unfortunately you could not be more wrong. You have a big chair, very similar to the one you would find on a Japanese night bus and it is just attached to four wheels. To this you might say, wait Alex, are you telling me that each person gets their own car? To which i tell you yes but they cannot steer them so each ‘car’ is literally held to the next by a piece of rope and you have one person in the first with a steering wheel that pulls the party. Now in real life I know exactly why we could not take this mode of transportation long term because its hilariously dumb. 

So half way through our excursion, we come across a sort of side quest where we can take a train that is actually a bus to a small antique fair / community garage sale. I vote to attend alone and get on the train bus. I feel at this point i should explain that I am referring to what is actually a giant double decker silver bullet train, that instead of being on a track just has rows of centipede wheels on it and drives around on the road even though it is train length. The antique mall / community garage sale is only 10 minutes away but its over treacherous land that I cannot make on my own apparently. There are 5 other passengers that I do not know that have elected to make this journey with me but I do not know them. We pull up and its literally 5 mobile home trailers lined up with old people with junk outside in the dust. I say dust because there was not even grass, their objects were just sitting on dry cracked earth and in dusty boxes. I walk down the train and exit at the back end so that I can walk along the line of trailer to peruse their goods. However I hypothesize that I got to the event too late because all that is left is junk. As I walk from trailer to trailer each old person just has broken lamps and rubbish. I walk at a swift pace back to the front of the train bus while still checking each stall to make sure I don’t miss anything and enter back onto the train at the front. Four of the other girls are already on the bus and I greet them with well that was shitty wasn’t it?! They agree and I notice the final girl is behind me. Somehow as she is going up the two steps onto the train bus she sees an object in one of the closest trailers boxes and turns back off to check it. The moment she touches the box the doors of train bus close and we start to pull away. Me and the four girls gather at the window and watch in horror as she realizes she is being left and turns around and starts running after train bus right up until the point where it gets too treacherous to continue. I lament that she will now be trapped there forever for some horrible reason that is now in real life very scary to me. I return to my traveling companions and we continue our journey. 

The next and final part of our trip is scaling a TERRIFYINGLY small bit of snowy path, AT THE VERY TOP OF AN EXTREMELY STEEP CLIFF with nothing but a rope bridge to keep us from careening off to our deaths. There is a sign that actually recommends that we crawl through this path to be safe because of the slippery snow, which we do. So single file my whole party crawls across this pathway and on the other side is a magnificent ski chalet that will be our home for the weekend. Its not a hotel, its an air bnb which is incredible that we get this whole mansion to our selves and it has enough rooms for every single one of us. At this point you may be thinking wait Alex, I thought you were going to the sovereign Texas lake, The Texas Tar Pits, and the two other locations that are in fact in Texas where there are no really tall snowy mountains? Well let me tell you..... that is because those destinations are no longer important and we never go to them and in fact we are just on a snowy mountain for the rest of the trip.... 

So we all scatter around the chalet which to my dismay is all dusty and cobwebby and has not been generally taken care of. i apologize to my coworkers for making such a ruining their trip and they tell me they don’t mind, its an amazing find. While walking around exploring and ‘cleaning’ up the chalet I find two kittens. Before i move forward i saw ‘cleaning’ in quotations because I left all the cobwebs but moved furniture covers off furniture and sweeper a little bit at parts that were too dirty for me to move through, this becomes important later. So the two kittens I find, one is black and one is a dark brindle color and they are malnourished from being abandoned in this mansion. I get sad and want to care for them. I set them up each their own individual beds in show boxes and go get them some cat good. When i come back there is a gentleman at the desk in the study I have set the kittens up in. He welcomes me back and I do not find this weird in the slightest, in fact I act as if he has been there the whole time. He tells me the black cat will need extra care because he is extra malnourished so I need to give him special attention. He gives me a fucking bag of kit-kats and tells me to give him a few before I start to feed him. Now Drew, I fucking know that cats can’t have chocolate, and i know this so strongly that in my dream my mind was screaming DON’T FEED THEM CHOCOLATE, THEY WILL DIE, but I was compelled too, I unwrapped a mini kitkat and the little kitten ate it up hardily. I then prepared two bowls of dry food and cut up some melon and sprinkled it on top of both bowls. Again I have no idea why I do this, I have no idea what cat policy on melon is, but I cannot stop myself. I sprinkle extra kit-kat to my own dismay on top of the black cats bowl and place each bowl in each cats respective shoe box. At this point I notice that each cat and shoe box are now HALF the size. The kittens go at their food with reckless abandon and I lament it is because I am not feeding them enough. I go and fetch a pitcher of water with the intention of giving the kittens some water. When i come back the man at the desk is now a slimy toad/fish/human hybrid and is still sitting at the desk except the desk his desk is now a tank and hes sort of sitting in it but equally ‘at’ it because its still a desk. I again find no concern with this change and notice that the kittens and their shoe boxes again have halved in size. At this point they are literally so small. I can fix the shoe box in my hand and the kittens are the size of a pinky finger. In my alarm I know that I have to pour the water into the shoe boxes and the kittens will grow. Yes, the kittens are apparently those stupid ‘I grow in water toys’ and I need to save them before they dry up and disappear. I water the black kitten perfectly and then I move to the brindle kitten. Jessica N. my friend at work shows up behind me and tells me that I have watered him too much. I freak out and lift him up and he’s face down in the water but he is now shaped like hello kitty. I scream and reach over the tank lid of the desk and hold my thumb over the kitten and pour out most of the excess water while Jessica tells me that I need to be careful of over watering kittens. I bring my hand back and I see that the brindle kitten is now literally just a hello kitty toy and is made of plastic. He is just a small plastic toy in a small show box that is filled with the smallest bit of water... I think of that’s good he’s not dead and not OH GOD WHY IS THE ALIVE KITTEN NOW A TOY and set him down to join the other kitten and box who THE EXACT SAME THING HAS HAPPENED TOO. Writing this in real life is really starting to freak me out... 

The kitten part of the dream is over I guess and I go down the hall to check on my guests and fellow coworkers. Jessica tells me that Bree has been acted strangely. I go and check on her and she is all wrapped up in bed and says she is not feeling good. I tell her I will look for something for her. I back out the hall and look around and of course find nothing. I start to head back to her room when her silhouette is on the floor just outside her room at the very end of the hallway. Her body literally inch worms toward me a few feet but still pretty far down the hall and she tells me not to worry about it now, she is feeling better, this is how she wants to me. I am stunned. I notice there is a trail of water on the floor where she has just scooted from. Jessica is behind me and asks Bree what happened. She again says this is how she wants to be and stands up for the first time. She is still silhouetted but you can see if she a fucked up dolphin human hybrid. She can’t even stand up all the way because of her curved dolphin back. I start to completely lose my mind at this horror and tell her she can’t possibly want to be like this!? Jessica is equally concerned. Bree yells that she is find and don’t try to find a way to change her back because this is what she wants. She lays back down on her belly and scoot back into the bedroom leaving a trail of water behind her. I must pause at this point to say WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Like when I dream this it was scary in the dream but writing it I am struck but how terrifying and hilarious it is. Why am I like this.... ok.. moving on. 

I turn to Jessica and tell her that we cannot leave Bree like this and Jessica agree that we have to go into town and figure something out. We take a very long stair case down to the ground floor and have to jump over a spiderweb on the way (remember, I said it would come back). We exit the chalet and walk down the street to a small shopping mall strip center. Like this place is so small, its on a four way intersection. Three of the sides have nothing but the snowy tundra and we are on the only corner that has like a CVS on the corner itself and a strip mall with two stores in it behind it separated by a few parking spaces. The stores in the strip mall are a burger shop and a veterinarians place. I tell Jessica that we should grab lunch first at the burger place first because maybe what happening to Bree is just because she hasn’t eaten yet and if that doesn’t work we can go to the Vet and see about getting some medicine. She agrees with me whole heartedly and we go into the burger joint. It is an orange and white color scheme but it is most definitely not whataburger. Its a normal fast food burger place where you order at the counter and they bring it to your table based on your number. I order my own food and Jessica orders Bree’s. For some reason it is agreed upon that now that Bree is a dolphin person she cannot eat meet so we order her a Veggie patty. We take our numbers and go sit at a table to wait for our food. At this point, to no alarm to either of us, Dolphin Bree is now sitting with us. We tell her we hope the food helps and she agrees that she hopes the same. The server walks up with our orders. She is a small portly Polynesian woman with alot of purple eye shadow on. She passes out mine and Jessica’s burgers and then moves to Bree. She drops down a plate in front of her that is a bun, lettuce and A FUCKING ENORMOUS CHICKEN FRIED STEAK. It is spilling off the sides it is so huge. i tell the woman that the order is wrong. She tells me its not. Jessica and Bree ask me to not worry about it. I tell them no this is wrong. I pull out Bree’s receipt tag and read it off to the woman. It says -bun - lettuce - veggie patty - mustard. I shout at her does that seem right to her? She is very terse with me, she says ok its wrong but theres nothing she can do about it. I ask her why not, she needs to remake it. She says it can’t be remade and starts to go back to the kitchen. I shout and follow her. Jessica and Bree beg me to drop it and Bree is giving me a hard dolphin disappointment face. I debate for just a moment before shouting NO I CAN’T LET THIS CONTINUE, WE DID NOTHING WRONG I WANT A REFUND. I go up to the register and its a cute young blond girl that is still in high school. I explain the situation to her and she says she cannot remake the order or give me a refund. I tell her that is outragous and yell to speak to her supervisor. She giggles and tells me there isn’t one. I ask her what she means and she just shakes her head. i look around thinking its a prank and ask her when a manager will be in next? She says never. I start losing it. I start running around the store looking for the manager or supervisor, there has to be one right!? They have back office rooms stacked with boxes and paper but not upper management. These two huge bouncer dude in black shirts start following me and I know they are preparing to throw me out. I run back to the blond register girl and ask her desperately to please tell me what is going on. She takes pity on me and writes down the managers email address. I get really excited. Her boy co worker register counterpart notices whats going on and scoffs at her. He ask with a ton of disdain if she is really going to give some rando the information? She gets really flustered and starts to scribble out the email. Terrified that I will lose my last chance to get a refund I snatch the paper from her. She holds it tightly and begs me not to take it as she will lose her job. I tell her I am sorry but I need a refund and rip the paper out of her hands. I check it and it is still legible so I run out the door so they can’t stop me back to the chalet, already forgetting about Jessica and Bree. I jump over the spiderweb on the stairs again and get back to the study and a laptop and quickly email the supervisor what has happened. My watch goes off and I know I have to go back to the strip mall for some reason and run back down the stairs. When I do this I bumble into the spiderweb and it gets all over my jeans. I groan loudly but continue back to the burger place where I am picking up the blond register girl from work like I’m her mom? This is not surprising to me at all for some reason and I tell her I am sorry for doing this to her but I had to get the justice. She says its ok and she wishes she didn’t have to work there anyway and that I was wronged. I thanked her and walk her back to the chalet. Along the way employees of the burger place start chasing up for what we know. I know I am about to uncover the bigger mystery of the mountains as we run and THIS is finally where I wake up.... a fucking cliff hanger. 

[unixcommerce]

The Secret Designer: The Abusive Employer

Before I start, I should clarify that my story isn’t from the perspective of a web designer; it’s from the perspective of someone who managed a web design agency and witnessed some pretty awful things done to the offsite team. Like firing every single one of them…without notice…via email…over Christmas…

Jumping into the Unknown

Prior to taking the job at said firm, I had been a lifelong production manager. I worked at a number of high-profile enterprises—many of whom you’ve heard of—as well as for smaller, boutique businesses that were on the up and up. However, my partner at the time accepted a job across the country, and I was unable to take my office job on the road.

Needless to say, when a remote management position opened with Shady Agency [obviously, not their real name], I jumped at it.

It wasn’t just that the job was in my area of specialty or that it gave me the freedom to work from wherever I wanted. The owners of Shady Agency made it seem like theirs was the company to work for: High-profile clientele; Esteemed reputation in their industry; And a 100% remote team all dedicated to the mission.

What I didn’t know at the time though was that the mission boiled down to the following:

If the clients don’t complain about it, just give them the most half-assed work you can manage.

Obviously, I wasn’t aware of this. I was hired to develop technical documentation and bring order to their web design and content creation workflows. So, for the first few months at this job, my head was down and I was dedicated to enhancing productivity and output.

Then one of the owners quit.

Up until that point, she had been managing the remote team in isolation. Neither the other owner nor myself had really interacted with them at that point. I knew their names, I knew their roles, I knew that there were occasionally problems in terms of quality, but, beyond that, I had no insights into what was happening on their side of things.

That’s When the Problems Came to Light

With the departure of the managing owner, I was asked to step in and supervise the web design and content marketing teams. I’d had first-hand experience in both fields in the past, so it made sense this would be added to my list of responsibilities.

It quickly became clear, however, that there was a reason the previous owner had kept the team from us…

Job Discrepancies

For starters, there were 15 full-time employees living in India and China. They served as our web designers, WordPress developers, social media administrators, and content managers. While the first two roles were easy to define and assign ownership to, the last two weren’t… and none of those employees seemed to know what their title was or what they should be doing.

This became evident when I set Shady Agency up with its first ever project workflow within our content management system. I developed a thorough set of documentation and screenshots as well as a system of checklists that would ensure we were hitting all required steps. However, I was unable to assign many of the tasks because no one would step forward to claim ownership of them.

I eventually began doling out assignments and just crossing my fingers, hoping they would get done. Even then, I found that the work was greatly imbalanced. Some employees managed entire clients while others only seemed to handle things like blog post optimization or report generation—neither of which took much time at all, and yet they were billing the company for overtime every week.

Miscommunications

Then I had my first team call with everyone.

One problem I encountered was the fact that I had to hold the call at 11 p.m. my time because they lived on the opposite side of the world. The way our time zones worked out, there was never any overlap between when they worked and when I worked, which meant I could never provide feedback or hold conversations in real-time unless I was willing to work overnight.

Another problem I ran into was that I discovered that most of them did not speak English, at least not well enough that they could communicate outside of brief emails. Now, this, in and of itself, is not a problem. I have worked for international companies in the past and was always able to effectively communicate with coworkers despite any language barrier. And, if we weren’t able to speak the same language, it was usually okay as they were hired for a skill that didn’t require it. That was not the case here.

Shady Agency served high-profile enterprises in the United States, with a strictly US-based audience. This meant that any design or content we created needed to be in line with US web design standards and the content needed to be fluently written. Neither of these requirements were being met.

Undervaluing of the Team

I don’t want to disparage any of the work the team did; They were each talented individuals in their own right. However, the team setup led to my inability to:

Communicate because of the language barrier;

Discuss matters in real-time;

Meet clients’ expectations repeatedly.

It was all bad for business.

Ultimately, I put the blame on the owners who hired the team as they set them up for failure.

As was later explained to me:

We pay each of them the equivalent of $2 an hour, so it doesn’t matter if they charge us overtime or do a crappy job since it costs practically nothing to keep them around. We’ll just have to fix their work before it goes to the clients.

As you can imagine, the employees were well aware of this, too. Which is why when I came in with my super controlled workflows, guidelines, time tracking tools, and budgets, it did not go over well as they had been doing whatever they wanted for years: Late on deadlines; Rushed and incoherent copy; Outdated designs; Broken code. Again, I don’t blame them for behaving the way they did.

Shady Agency created a toxic and unprofessional environment in which they treated overseas designers and marketers like expendable assets. And they took advantage of their clients’ naivete… until they couldn’t make excuses for why content was late, designs weren’t up to snuff, and developers always seemed to be “unavailable” whenever they wanted to talk about the technical aspects of their websites.

The Mass Firing and Aftermath

After Shady Agency lost five clients in a month (due to consistent quality issues) and about 80% of its recurring revenue along with them, the owner made the decision to let the entire team go.

However, it took two months for him to finally pull the trigger. Just before Christmas, he came to the realization that if he didn’t let them go before New Year, he was going to have to a) pay out their annual bonuses, and b) deal with the associated taxes for them in the following year. And, so, he emailed each of them when he knew they were on holiday, informing them that, effective immediately, they no longer had a job.

Needless to say, I was shocked and disgusted, and wanted to immediately run away. However, I was about to move across the country again and couldn’t afford to be jobless. So, I returned to work after the new year and met with my boss to discuss the future of the company. (The company being me and him since all other roles had been outsourced and there was no one else left.)

In a nutshell, this is what happened afterwards: My boss asked me to step in and manage whatever work remained until we could hire replacements.

I had used Dreamweaver to design websites in the way, way distant past, Photoshop to optimize photography, and WordPress to build my blog. But that was the extent of my website-building capabilities. So, I spent the next two weeks teaching myself as much as I could about WordPress, plugins, themes, modern web design techniques, SEO, and so on.

That month, I took over the management of our remaining clients’ websites and marketing programs while developing a completely new workflow and policy for pretty much everything. The last thing I wanted to do was bring in a new set of web designers and content marketers, and go through the same thing.

So, when I was feeling confident about what I’d done, I began looking for freelancers on websites like LinkedIn, Guru, and Freelancer. I properly vetted each and every one of them, offered the winning candidates paid testing opportunities, and slowly grew our team again.

Within six months, Shady Agency was up and running at full steam as the target clientele caught wind of the changes. Not only were we producing a much higher quality of work than ever before, but we had some really amazing talent that fit well with the company’s restructured values and that now actively participated in all relevant discussions with our clients.

The Lesson We Should All Take from This

Obviously, I don’t want to sit here and claim to be some hero. I feel terribly about what happened to the original team and I never followed up with any of them because I was ashamed of how it all went down. I was so new to the company and, to be quite frank, shocked at how poorly everything was managed and how it had gone unnoticed for so long, that I didn’t know what to do. I had managed production pipelines and project workflows before; not people.

I also don’t believe I deserve accolades for getting the company back up and running. What happened there is what should happen at companies everywhere. In other words:

Properly assess your business plan and make it a viable one… not just “How do we get this done on the cheap and without clients knowing?”

Hire the right set of employees from the get go and really give them an opportunity to test you out as much as you test them.

And treat everyone well. Your team should be well-supported and given the tools to succeed. Your clients should be treated like partners that enable your business to grow as you help them with theirs.

At the end of the day, the lesson to take away from this is that, as an owner or manager of a design agency, you need to value the employees you have. If you don’t, then you need to take a good hard look at why that is and properly remedy the situation.

As a freelance designer or employee, you need to be able to recognize bad opportunities when they come along. I know that’s easier said than done (especially if you’re desperate for work), but there are some really dishonest and unappreciative employers out there. You get stuck in a position like that, and chances are good you will become spiteful and uncaring, your work will suffer, and you’ll give that s****y employer every reason to let go of you in a manner you don’t deserve.

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