#and she told me it's none of my business
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Unfortunately, I'm a jealous person (i should prolly work on that tho), so if I apologized to you three fucking times, you said it's okay, but still don't talk to me and then i see you talking to someone else five fucking feet away from me AND say an inside joke that you have with me, I'm gonna be livid
Unfortunately, I'm also nonconfrontational, so I'm not going to say anything about it, but I'm also not pathetic enough to apologize a fourth time, so I'm just gonna wait for you to get some sense into your head and stop being mad over a petty argument, for fuck's sake
#before you ask#I didn't say something bad or anything#she was saying how she ghosted another friend lf hers#and i told her that it's not nice to ghost people#cuz the other girl didn't do anything#but she still left her on seen#and she told me it's none of my business#so i dropped it#but she didn't and started arguing and here we are#the same girl told me after another argument#that she was having dinner out with her parents#and twenty minutes later#she posted thag she's out with a mutual friend#i get that im a jealous person but 1) ive never been jealous with her#at least never showed that i was#and 2) if you don't wanna talk to me and want to be out with someone else just say it#why would you fucking lie#im more mad now that you lied to me#this applies for chats too like#telling me you're sleeping and then a mutual friend sends me a screenshot from a time you were supposed to be sleeping#and it's worse when you're extremely awkward with me but absolutely normal woth everyone else#if you're mad at me just fucking tell me
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Sorry, I just need to vent a little bit again... Nnnhhhhgggg!!!
No, but I've just come out of two weeks of time off at work. My next two-three weeks + weekends are already booked with work/conventions/meeting up with people, all of which I do enjoy, but it's all very draining for little old introvert me.
Which means that I need some time alone without seeing anyone and not leaving my house so my social battery and energy levels can replenish. Time that I'm not getting at the moment.
The other day I got a message in a group chat about some friends wanting to meet up. One of those friends has a 4 month old baby so we ask her if she and her husband could suggest some dates that would suit them. She suggested a day that I can't because I'm already meeting up with friends (one of which is in the group chat).
And because I already have so much stuff to do and am barely free, I said that I'm available AT THE EARLIEST around mid November (which isn't even a lie).
So yesterday, the friend who's in the group and who I'm already meeting up with next weekend messages me, asking "you're not even free around my birthday?" (Which is around mid November).
And just... that's not really any of your business? If I say I'm not available, whatever the reason may be, I'm not available.
So I tell her, "no, not really" to which she replies "are you that busy?"
Like... Yes, I'm that busy! I have a ton of work, I have to be at work early the next couple of weeks (which my boss pretty much forced me into), I have to work Saturdays, I have conventions that I would like to go to, you and a bunch of other people have already asked me to meet up and I can't postpone that all the time even though I'd like to and, last but not least, I would really like some time to myself, if that's not too much to ask.
And most importantly: I do not need to explain myself to you??? What, do you want me to share my calendar with you so you can see where I am at any point in the day? I'm not asking her what she's up to all the time, because it's none of my business and because I honestly just don't care what she's doing. If it's important, she'll tell me when I see her.
It's just so annoying! I wish I was more assertive and would actually say something about it but I suck at those things ugh...
Ok rant over
#She can be so... idk what to call it? Rude? Blunt? To the point?#Like... at the end of 2022 I was unemployed for a few months#And we were going somewhere with another friend#And I mentioned that I was tired#To which she went “how can you be tired? You don't work?”#Like... excuse me????#That one friend told us earlier this year that she was going to Japan for three weeks#My first reaction was to be happy for her. I asked her when she was going and where and what she would do#The other friend's first reaction was: “are you staying in a hotel for three weeks? That's gonna be expensive”#Like... really??#That's none of your business?#I doubt she'd go if her budget didn't allow it#And even if she'd have to get a loan for it#That's. None. Of. Your. Business#I just don't get it#But people don't owe you an explanation jfc stop it#ok rant really over#Shut Up Char
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sometimes i feel like extending the kindness you can, when you can, is the only thing there is
#two days ago on the train home from work there was a woman next to me with three very young kids.#she was trying to keep them in the seats#exasperated and tired and yelling.#trying to make a phone call as the kids swung on the handrails and did cartwheels in the train car#i wasn't trying to listen to the call but caught that somebody had died in a station.#I tried to mind my business for a few minutes;#the kids bounced around as their mom tried to wrestle them down and took a swig from a bottle of vodka in their wagon.#when there was a break in her phone call i said “this is none of my business but if you want me to keep the kids busy I can try to help.”#and she said “you're not gonna be able to. they're being real bad. but you can try.”#so I took some post-its out of my backpack and folded them tiny paper cranes#(I tried showing them how to fold cranes but they were far too young for fine motor skills.)#I stuck post-its to the seats and gave them my pens so they could scribble and draw.#I told them I'd draw them anything they wanted if they sat in the seats while I drew.#I challenged them to a breath-holding contest.#When one started showing me that he could do cartwheels in the car aisle I asked him to come sit down and I could draw him doing a flip.#All in all I think they ended up more or less in the vicinity of the seats almost all of the time and having some kind of fun -#I almost missed my stop. I gathered my pens and pencils back from the kids and picked up the post-it confetti from the floor#and when I was putting my helmet on and grabbing my bike the kids waved goodbyeand the mom looked grateful#and told the kids to all say goodbyelike clearly they were in rough times#like clearly they were in rough times#money. health. holding on#there is so much I can't give#but I can give twenty-five minutes
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I've been asking this question since I was, like, ten: Why won't mom divorce dad if she can't even stand eating with him at the same table or talking to him?? She can literally do it now.
#their marriage is none of my business but they (mostly mom) keep making it my business#idk why she's so mad at him like she told me the worst things he did n yet they're not worse than what she did to me as a mother#my assumption is that she doesn't want to lose dad's money#cuz divorce will mean she'll actually have to learn new skills and work#c0nji talks#I'm so tired of her emotional immaturity like get a grip woman
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how deal with taidan
#^ crying over saki for the second night in a row#i am Not Okay about the fact her taidan is exactly a year after her pb footage aired on sky stage#bc that was the very last thing where i was like ok yeah maybe saki IS my second fave of all time#feels weird to call her my second fave#shes like basically on par w aasa 😭 idk how else to word itjfhd#idk not the point i am just emotional and sad and will miss her dearly#but also wishing her luck in whatever she decides to do next whether that be in the public eye or not#also just feel so sad about how busy ive been recently 😭😭#was planning on going back and watching all her shinkos and leads that i havent watched yet before the 13th but uni hit me like a truck#and i have not have time 😔#have not had *#sorry if you are reading this 🙏 it is not coherent 🙏🙏 fjdhdjd#idk i was torn up enough over kiwa and this is about to be 4000x worse sofhdhdjd#did watch every sakigumi show in order a while ago w my gf and that was nice at least#idk man im excited for aasas run im sure itll be great im just so not ready to say bye to sakigumi#god if youd have told me when i first got into zuka i would be this torn up over saki leaving i would not have believed you#but here we are#at no point was i expecting to get This Attached to saki but it just kind of happened#aasas fault whatever#fjhdjdhd#sorry none of fhis is coherent i do not know how to organise or articulate my thoughts#idk i love s4kiaasa so much#getting to watch them together both on and off stage for the last two and a half years ish since i got into zuka has meant so much to me#i hope they both continue to thrive and i look forward to seeing what they do next
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Um, y'all. I think I'm the main character now or something.
Story time.
So, I'm teaching a class this semester. It's cool. It's great. I love it. Anyway, last week I was walking out with a student, and I was telling her the ways I like to stay grounded in this city, i.e. going to the water as much as I can, finding ways to be on the land. She's also Native and was struggling adjusting to this city. We part ways, and I walk out of the building with a random man who was leaving the same time we were. He opens the door for me, introduces himself briefly, and asks me if I teach here regularly. I tell him I do, just the one class though. He tells me that usually he teaches visual art at a local high school but was guest lecturing on his work in Afro-Futurism and public art for a friend's class. It's pleasant. He's nice. No weird vibes. Felt really normal. He walks me to my car out front. We part ways. Entire exchange lasted maybe 2 minutes.
Well, fast forward to today. He reaches out to me on Instagram. He says that he was thinking about me all week, and he wanted to get to know me better. We go back and forth. He's really sweet, funny, clever, charming, wicked smart, and matches my energy (which is RARE) - he also ain't said a single sexual comment to me. The respect. Also, I ain't gonna lie. He's tall, muscular, and fucking hot. And an artist??? Say less. I wouldn't have been mad about some explicit advances, although my traumatized ass probably would have reacted poorly (involuntarily), so good on him.
I give him my number after he makes a silly little joke that Facebook told him his soulmate is an Aries, and I said that he's in luck because I'm an Aries. Then boom. Dropped the number. (I still got it.)
Tell me why the first thing he texted me was a silly gif of John Cena strutting around then said "this me walking into your life as the luckiest man alive", then asks me on a FULLY PLANNED DATE: a PICNIC AT A LAKE NEAR A BOTANICAL GARDEN because he overheard what I was talking about to my student about last week, AND THEN I learn that he's also Native!!! That's really important to me, and he was telling me all about his family (we're here on his ancestral land, actually). And also he's asking me all about my work, and then straight up broke down how he was feeling about me in such a clear, direct way. He laid out his intentions. He may or may not have said he's gonna marry me, but he was trying to be chill about it 😅🫣
Anyway. This has never happened to me before. I'm like what the literal fuck is going on? Am I too traumatized for this? What is happening???
#but yes currently I'm concerned only for ongoing trauma#he was very clear what he was after#and frankly displayed the most healthy emotional availability I've ever witnessed#so I don't know what to dooooooooooooo#send help#my best friend was none#she told me to shut the fuck up and fall in love#but ya bitch ain't never been in love#been too busy being hella traumatized#so idk fam#I'll keep you updated#because if he had his way we'd be getting married on Thursday#we've been talking for 11 straight hours#he even responds hella fast like I do consistently#what the fuck is going on#it was real cute tho#he said that he liked me how grilled cheese likes tomato soup#and I said that's the supreme sandwich-soup combo so that's love#and he said#DIRECT QUOTE#I wasn't going to say this just yet but I may or may not be experiencing love at first sight that has only intensified in talking to you#SOS#HELP ME#WHAT DO I DO
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I got sent home from but the way I got sent home was sitcom worthy
#a sock speaks#work tag#we were very busy and I was very far behind#I brought a full tray of food to a table#dropped a hot plate of french toast#when I came back to sweep I lost my balance and fell. right into the mess of glass and french toast.#none of the customers laughed at me but I think we should imagine this scene with a laughtrack#my manager very kindly told me she didn't want me to injure myself so she'd get somebody to cover the rest of my shift#can I PLEASE get better. I'm so tired that I'm reverting to my inherited clown traits and doing physical comedy.
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y’all Charlie isn’t responding
i’m getting worried ngl-
#it’s been like 37 minutes#and she just told me smth very “medically concerning” ik it’s none of my business to be saying this but i am getting worried#Cloud Children - Charlie#dreamy talks#worried dreamy
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i hate cis people i really do
#WHY DO THEY EXPECT ME TO HAVE TOLD THEM ABOUT MY TRANSITION#if u wanna ask Then ask bitch!!!!#and if u haven’t then don’t act so surprised that my voice has dropped etc FUCK YOU I DONT OWE YOU ANYTHING#ugh!!!!!!!!!!!#sorry going thru an awkward sitch with an ex coworker n it’s so annoying bc she’s acting like i’ve ~kept it from her~ that i’ve been on hrt#1) it’s none of ur business#2) u don’t get a medal for wanting to fuck me before or after this like I’m Hot.#idk i’m drunk n just. ughhhhhhhhhhhh i hate it here i teallly do
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also love the idea of eddie bringing buck along to help out at some pta event and all the single parents are like 👀👀 and hit on him and eddies just losing his mind watching it happen
#like a mom comes up to buck and is like. heyy do you mind helping me set up? i cant lift this myself#and ofc buck is like. yeah absolutely#and after shes like oh wow youre so strong. and touches his arm#and eddie seed this happen and is like. well i gotta put a stop to that. and walks over and stands wayyyy closer to buck than normal#and wraps an arm around his waist and the mom is like. oh. and send eddie an apologetic smile#or eddie gets cornered by a few moms and theyre like. eddie youve never mentioned your friend was so handsome. he is also a firefighter?#does that mean he is too busy for a girlfriend?? im sure hed like some thing to help him wind down after work#and eddie gets all huffy and is like hes with me actually#so hes not available.#and theyre like oh.#my bad didnt realize when you said he was your friend you meant your BOYfriend#and eddie is on roll so he says my husband actually#and everyone is like huh#because when did eddie diaz get married without them knowing#anyway#but eddie would say some wild shit and the moms and dads would be like okay so no more hitting in buck (in front of eddie)#and eddie would be sitting there trying to justify how telling people buck is his husband was helping buck out#like. well he said hes not looking for a relationship rn this is helping that. or those moms arent really what buck needs in a relationship#and eddie watches buck and the way he smiles and the way his spine curves when he laughs and his hands curl around something and hes like#none of them deserve him. they dont even know that hes the most amazing person to ever walk this earth (after chris) they just want him cuz#hes big and bright and smiley but hes so much more than that.#and so all the parents stop hitting on buck (well. most of them. some of them are lowkey tryna be homewreckers) and buck notices and is lik#hey. eds did you say something at one of the meetings? like all of sudden jill isnt trying to lure me into the bathrooms after pta meetings#and eddies just like. fuck. fuck. fuck. and says oh well. see. actually. it turns out they all think we are married.#oh. well. did you correct them?#uh. no?#and buck just stares at him and eddie stares back until buck is like. you told them we were married didnt you#yeah. sorry its just. it bothered me when they were hitting on you. i shouldve talked to you about it but idk i just had to stop it.#oh. it. uh. bothered you? why?#idk. they dont. they dont know you.
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I have a fic idea and I dont know if I want to write it or not send help
#like I absolutely love the concept of it and I have yet to see anything similar in this fandom#which. I mean a lot of works are either incomplete since a month after the game came out#or theyre 400 word long oneshots. which is fine no hate towards those but my adhd cant handle reading anything shorter than 15k#but on the other hand like. the amount of research I put into my canon divergence/slight au fics#where I keep like 80% of canon the same but one thing is different? I do those a lot lately#which. might have to do with the things Im into being heavy on the “doomed by the narrative” type of narrative yknow#but ghhhh I dont wanna research this game its so bad#like unironically I cant stand to watch a singular playthrough and considering how many moving pieces there are in the game like#like ok Im doing canon divergence in like. 2 months before That night. bc I dont buy that the camp is haunted and my psychic misses it#(the plot btw is that. because canon Has ghost. the Guy can now see ghosts. enter magic world building and interpersonal history#between a character I know next to nothing about. and an OC I know actually nothing about. despite me making that OC up)#and also the game takes place in america?? I havent been in america in over a decade I can name 5 states on a good day#hhghhhhh#sooo much research. so much. and for what. for a fanfic about dylan lenivy talking to ghosts#no actual plot yet either. except that I personally decided silas is like 12 and therefore dylan adopts him like immediately#...which. happens in several fic ideas I have in brain actually. none of the others are gonna be written bc theyre spinoffs on existing fic#but like. all I know abt the psychic au is that the crew arrive in their van first day of camp#dylan immediately clocks a ghost in his general vicinity and does a spit take so hard he chokes and immediately blows his own cover#then goes “there were NO ghosts when I went to camp here wtf??” and talks to the ghost of one eliza vorez#she does the whole vengence etc etc thing obvs but then apparently. she and dylans grandma knew each other#yknow psychic moms gotta have a Network. so the vorez family does Moon Magicks of the future and die young always as is their burden#and the lenivy family does Sun Magicks of the past and live long fulfilling lives that are dedicated to others#so naturally dylan pulls whatever his grandma told him out of brain and goes “hey dont u have a kid. he ok?” and proceeds to commit adoptio#some more stuff abt the missing hikers and my headcanon that dylan straight up does not live in that state anymore ensue#and uh. idk. he helps eliza and the other ghosts fulfill unfinished business. then punches chris hackett in the face#and rescues max and laura well before anything bad happens to them bc its been like 2 days at most#and the ghosts haunt the hacketts collectively so they absolutely go “oh btw u should probably know ur boss also kidnaps ppl”#(dylan has. a Time. but thats true for every fic I write for this godawful game with terrible writing and great actors </3)
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slept horribly last night
too toasty + my mind was racing, a lot.
like a LOT, a LOT.
i uh... im going to need a few days to properly understand and accept what happened last night
#god if kissing did this to me then i do not need anything else.#we probably wont do it again lol#maybe we will#i would elaborate as to what happened that makes her hesitant but its none of yalls business#oh my god my heart is beating so fast i have butterflies right now just thinking about her...#i literally told her that i wasnt human and a few hours later we are making out. oh my god MY SOUL NFJDJWJW#MY LITERAL SOUL WHAT#Uhhhhhhhh#we were talking about it and she told me that shes seen friends kiss and has kissed friends before#but never in person#and to be honest#im really happy that i got to share my first kiss with my closest friend instead of like some person im dating#i dont date. i seriously dont.#And its funny because usually we yap up a storm but when she was over yesterday we talked a lot less. I mean like i did a lot of talking#i told her a lot about the community where i come from why i am this way#i mainly focused a lot on my phantoms while talking about it#and a... a bunch more but i cant remember too much
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Have you ever been assumed to be romantically attracted to someone and even just the thought of that makes you want to throw up . Anybody
#had someone's husband in my dms going on about how i want this bitch romantically and frankly if i hadn't been so busy crying i would've#actually thrown up . absolutely disgusting idea . vile even . horrid concept#anyway tldr im down a best friend because he didn't tell me anything i was doing was wrong after telling me that everything was okay and#then sent his husband after me to call me a creep that was obsessed with him that also apparently tried to make out w him#the same trip that my best friend of five years told me he hated having me in his hometown to see him graduate.#this was after i found out my cat had been murdered and mutilated and thrown in my granma's garden . that day happened to be my birthday#because my ma was kind enough to drive me and my lil brother down there to go see him graduate bc he was also supposed to move in w us the#month after . and he told me right after i got home that he 'didn't think it would be good for our relationship' and apparently#just didn't know how to tell me until a month before it was supposed to happen . bonkers times over here#anyway i didn't want to make out with him . he cried after i wouldn't have sex w him just last december . which i specifically got high as#shit to avoid . and i dont even have like. actual examples of what i was doing wrong to go off of so now i just get to live in mystery#forever ig. like shocker that the person that's been my best friend for five years would tell his husband to say that to me and not say that#shit to me himself . this is a wild to me . i feel like im going insane . can anybody even hear me what's going on#you know its bad when your mama gets so sick of you crying over a friend that she hugs you for the first time in years#also i cant sleep my head hurts . crying is evil . devils liquid . might watch rpdr or something . still nauseous over the idea of being#into him romantically btw . like still nauseous over that . like what a fucking insult to our entire friendship#does saying that we may as well have been made of the same atoms mean like . nothing . does nothing ive said to or about him not mean anythi#ng if its not romantic in nature . what did i do that wasnt enough for him. i fucking told him he outgrew me and that was fine i just#wanted to know if we were still friends or not and he said we were and i believed him. if he told me the sky was green i would make it so#ripping my hair out . am i being dramatic . am i the only person that wasn't expecting this . am i the only one that didn't know#when i had to tell people who knew about the moving plans that he changed his mind the first fucking thing i was told was “i thought it migh#t happen.“ WELL I FUCKINH DIDN'T . AND NOBODY TOLD ME#this is like . the second most humiliating moment of my life . aside from movinggate because at least nobody irl has to know about this#anyway . this boy could've taken my blood and i'd sit there and smile while he did it because he was my best friend .#i was so glad we got to grow up together. i miss him already. im taking my little brother to school my myself for the first time and all im#gonna wanna do is tell him about it . im tired . i want to sleep . im still so nauseous . did none of it mean anything just because ive#never and will never like him romantically. does that make everything less worthy somehow#i hope he never talks to me again. i dont think i could handle this again. he let is fucking husband say that shit to me. not him.#puppmeo misery
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I'm so mean to Hieu and I've made jokes about him all the time and laughed at him all year (since he got mad at me last year and called me an idiot, not that he remembers idk I don't bring it up) so it's just natural that I'll continue to find it funny even on the day he loses his job and only has a week left of being employed by a dragon lady
Am I a bad person (don't answer this Tumblr)
#i kept telling coworkers that he was resigning and had given his one week notice#anyway it's awful for him#Sophia is just really mean#she doesn't have money and didn't sell her house and#she couldn't even afford maya#none of us are safe#and she's complaining that there's more taxes to pay and she has to give me a pay rise so she could be annoyed about that and#is there more taxes??? no i thought albo was lowering taxes????#wait#i don't know#i think they've changed the rules and employers have to pay the taxes up front or something#but it should be less taxes to pay ALBO SAID IT'S LESS I SWEAR HE DID MY MUM TOLD ME AS WELL#Sophia is always right#Sophia is so good at running a business and managing people and
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Yeah whatever. Anyway I hope both sides of her pillow are always warm and that she always catches her pinky toe on the corners of tables
#my post#i can be the bigger person but after what she pulled i wish her endless minor inconveniences and small pains that she can never outrun#ended a friendship over the same behavior she had pulled on me months prior#and it wasn't even Bad behavior!!#people get busy and hang out with other people i shouldn't need to see you every day all the time in order to remain friends you ass#but if you're gonna get mad about it A) don't bring our boss into a personal problem that we agreed to discuss the next day#and B) look in the fucking mirror and acknowledge that you did the same thing for months on end to me as well#and yk what for that matter C) realize that i didn't give you shit about it even though you were the only person i could hang out with#in that period of my life#it just hurts me bc she's ditzy blonde and fake but everyone just sees her as kind and maybe a little vapid but she's really a snake and.#i looked past that for a long time.#taylor swift was right a friend to all is a friend to none#and i caught her saying shit about me behind my back and i still stayed#how many people were you telling the things i only told you about?#and how many people will you now tell that i was the bad guy?
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Just realized Vincent's character can kinda be summed up as "i can fix her" and horrendously failing
#'i can fix her' bro she is actively being made worse as we speak!!!!!#okay i jest but this did make me think about some stuff actually#vincent's honestly a guy that seems so. not human. like literally in that hes kinda a zombie and can transform into monsters#and then metaphorically in that hes canonically a 'natural loner' as nojima calls him and comes off as cold and admits hes just like that#but hes So. Fucking. Human in that he was in love and chased after a woman with a million red flags#and who frankly didnt deserve him and he butted into a situation that actually should have stopped being his business#but he continuously tried to do 'the right thing' and got himself screwed over for it#and proceeded to BLAME HIMSELF and try to fix 'his mistake'#like. whats more human than 'its my fault and i should have tried harder and done the right thing' WHEN WHAT HE SHOULD HAVE DONE#WAS GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE ONCE HE WAS TOLD TIME AND TIME AGAIN THAT ITS NONE OF HIS BUSINESS ESSENTIALLY#the more and more i break down vincent the more i realize like#wow. he kinda sucks. like not even just in a loser way but in like. yep! thats a human! way#thats a person who digs himself deeper and deeper into a hole thinking if i just dig a little deeper itll get better#and now hes six feet under in a grave :/ metaphorically. well. he does end up in a coffin but like. unrelated actually. huh.#okay i actually shouldnt call him a loser and say he sucks actually cuz i think he acts very realistically in terms of like#guy whos in love and thinks he can save her if he just talks enough. guy who thinks maybe this time will be enough to fix the situation#GUY WHO THINKS IF I SAY THE RIGHT THING ITLL FINALLY GET THROUGH TO HER *proceeds to reword the same statement a million times*#hes too human really. ohhhh my god im gonna lose it. OH MY GOD HES JUST SOME GUY#HES THE RESULT OF JUST SOME GUY TRYING TO BE A PROTAG BUT THEN HES HIT WITH CRUEL REALITY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#personal
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