#and she just got out of this shitty relationship so i have to be like šŸ™ƒšŸ™ƒšŸ™ƒ happy 4 u!! while i'm fucking screaming inside
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batmanisagatewaydrug Ā· 2 days ago
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Hi! I'd like to hear more of your thoughts on Rebecca and Eric from "Luster" by Raven Leilani. I just reread it recently and yeah, it is incredible (saying this as an almost 23-year-old Black woman that sort of identifies with Edie).
I really enjoy both Rebecca and Eric as characters - and within their separate relationships to Edie. However, it's really hard for me to understand which scenes/instances - besides the obvious humiliation they both participate in in regards to Edie - that show explicitly Rebecca's issues with rage and Eric's more absolute loserish tendencies.
I mean, I'm not completely unaware of the unsavory ways in which they act; not going to list them all out. But some of the reviews - including yours - and even interviews with Raven Leilani that talk more about the characters, don't go as in-depth as I'm looking for. I feel like the ogre reading Joyce :(
[The lines from the book I've been thinking of most often - though not my favorites are Eric saying "I don't think of you as a person at all" and (I'm gonna get the wording kind of wrong, but) "I cry everywhere and often" near the beginning of the book]
I hope this is asking too much. I really enjoyed your review and I'm already kind of looking forward to reading it again because of it <3
hi anon,
well Rebecca, to me, is impossible to read as anything BUT a white woman hitting middle age and realizing that she made all the "right" choices - she has a job that pays well and she married a stable man and together they adopted a child and got a good house in a good (read: white) neighborhood - and still isn't actually happy with her life.
I mean, what does Rebecca actually have going on? she's exercising furious control over her body via furious physical activity because it's one of the only things she can feel in charge of. she pushes the same on her daughter, making a child count calories in a way that's absolutely going to give her a complex. she didn't want the child in the first place; she tells Edie verbatim that she never wanted to be a mother and while I do think she cares about Akila's well-being I think she also knows that she's wildly ill-equipped trying to parent a traumatized Black girl. she's in an "open" marriage that reeks of "we either had to open the marriage or get divorced" that she micromanages from afar so that Eric gets as little freedom as possible with Edie in the early stage of their relationship; Rebecca doesn't actually want Eric to fuck someone else, she wants him to get tired of trying and come back to her.
after the initial humiliation of trapping Edie at their anniversary party Rebecca remains emotionally distant towards her; even after she invites Edie to stay in her house she stays mercurial and her mood is subject to switch on a dime, always falling back into little power plays to remind Edie she's in charge, because Edie is a safer and easier target for Rebecca's pent up frustrations than her husband or daughter. she's exactly warm enough to Edie to make it hurt more when she's callous and mean, which I don't think is strictly intentional (I don't think Rebecca consciously knows what the hell she's trying to get out of their dynamic, either) but is still an extremely shitty way to treat a vulnerable young woman who's currently completely dependent on her for shelter.
arguably the most relaxed we ever see her is when she takes Edie to a mosh pit, because that's one of the only moments of unrestrained emotional authenticity that Rebecca gets to have - and it's wildly outside the norm of her day to day life, something that she's supposed to have left behind when she started dating Eric. Rebecca is so furiously dissatisfied with everything about her life and I frankly think she'd be happier if she disappeared in the night to go be a bartender or a roadie and never saw her husband or daughter again, but she'll never do that because you Can't do that, not if you're a respectable woman trying to cling to the signifiers of success that you worked so hard for.
re: Eric being a loser I really don't know what I need to cite other than him having a wife and a girlfriend and not treating either of them well tbh
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plum-pitt Ā· 22 hours ago
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X-Men Origins Rewrite
Ok I guess this is a follow up to this post i made not too long ago abt rewriting this shit, the brainworms rlly got to me here so youā€™re getting a follow up sooner than expected lol
Before I actually do any rewriting though I wanted to lay out the big changes Iā€™d be making and why, mainly for myself as a guide and to organize my thoughts both about the original filmā€™s issues and how these changes could potentially solve them, but also to allow anyone else with some ideas for possible changes to add their own thoughts or suggestions by engaging with the post.
As for what kind of final product you could possibly expect these ideas to result in, i havenā€™t quite decided if I want to just do an in depth outline for the story with my proposed changes or do like a full length fic novelization. Itā€™ll probably depend on how motivated I still feel about the exercise by the time Iā€™m finished and happy with the cleaned up outline, but I digress. Lets just go ahead and get into the changes I want to make:
Proposed Changes:
First off, Iā€™m removing Blob and Gambit from this cut. I like both of the characters and think itā€™s cool they tried to include them but the cast is crammed enough as it is and those two serve very little narrative purpose that canā€™t be shifted to others just as easily.
Second, Iā€™m adding Silverfox to Team X and letting that serve as the meeting point for her and Logan, it gives the audience more time to get to know her and come to care for her and Loganā€™s relationship, while also harkening back to the comics where she was also a part of the weapon x program. Also I know this isnā€™t a real film but let it be known that if it were iā€™d actually hire a Native American actress to portray her, iā€™m still shitty they whitewashed her.
Third, Iā€™m removing the third act ā€œSilverfox wasnā€™t really deadā€ twist. I really shouldnā€™t have to explain why, that shit was dumb and completely unnecessary, not to mention introducing a shit ton of plot holes with that whack ass mutant ability they pull from thin air. In my version sheā€™s human(as far as we know) and when she dies she dies for real, full stop.
Fourth, we are GETTING a biblically accurate Deadpool. They did my bro dirty and I refuse to compromise on this. His role will be larger to compensate for his big ass personality and the fact that iā€™m affectively letting him take up Gambitā€™s role from the original in addition to what he already had. Also I just think he bounces off of Logan really well and could serve as a really interesting parallel with having such similar trauma and very different ways of responding to it and seeing the world. Like just imagine D&W if they accidentally traumabonded over their similar origin stories.
Fifth, Iā€™m making Victor our stand in for the films Weapon XI! He doesnt get adamantium or new powers like Wade, only the dehumanizing psychological torture present in the original Weapon X comic. I think it works great for his spiraling arc, gives me a chance to squeeze a faithful weapon X adaptation in here without upending the entire filmā€™s structure, and helps to better position his character on a trajectory towards his more feral appearance in X1 where he doesnā€™t seem to fully recognize Logan.
Sixth, Iā€™d like to include Dr. Cornelius as the head scientist in Weapon X. My current concept is that heā€™s in charge of all the unethical mutant capturing and experimenting, working under Strykerā€™s supervision but still an outsider to the government, being sent in by Strykerā€™s most significant source of funding for his program in Nathaniel Essex. I know this has zero basis in canon I just think it sounds cool and makes sense for Sinister to have hands in a program aiming to create perfect mutant soldiers, as someone using mutants DNA to create a genetically perfect race of superhumans and become the ultimate life form. (Sinister would not play a large role, more of a looming presence pulling strings and fucking people over)
To get more overarching here, I wanted to hone in on the dynamics and themes present in the original that i thought had the most potential for further development. Victorā€™s spiral to madness and eventual complete loss of self under Stryker, Logan learning to let go of Victorā€™s influence and the violence that he let define his life only for both to drag him back after Silverfoxā€™s demise. Really digging into that nature vs nurture shit, and adding more mutant politics (and their accompanying metaphors for the struggles of marginalized people) cuz honestly i feel like itā€™s absence in the original is very noticeable, and ties in really well with Loganā€™s arc of self acceptance and learning to see himself as more than the violent nature of his mutation.
Stuff I Still Want Changed:
Ok so hereā€™s where Iā€™m throwing my hat out for suggestions, because there are still a couple minor things present in the movie that iā€™m just not a fan of or donā€™t really know what to do with. The difference is, with these I canā€™t really think of tweaks that could fix/improve them. So if yall have any ideas on what I can do about these, or maybe some completely unrelated changes that you just think could improve the rewrite, please let me know.
One, not really sure what to do with Zero, heā€™s around for a lot of the movie but didnā€™t really stand out much to me. I just donā€™t know a lot about the character or what his deal is in the comics to find something cool to do with him. Iā€™m going back and forth on if his role is ultimately necessary?? Does Stryker really need another henchman? Or should I use the space he occupies to hone in more on Victor and Loganā€™s rivalry? Idk iā€™m still on the fence so tell me what yall think.
Two, god I just fucking hate those memory wiping adamantium bullets. Itā€™s such a stupid plot device that makes no sense conceptually and was clearly just thrown in as an afterthought at the last second like the writers forgot they needed to erase his memory by the end. Thatā€™s not to mention the fact that the bulletsā€™ function was retconned later in Logan. Genuinely though I cannot find another way to go about fucking up Loganā€™s head without basically upending the structure of this movie in its entirety so any ideas on how to solve this dilemma are appreciated.
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icy-book Ā· 1 year ago
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Consider, if you will, AU (either with canon post-s1 pre-s2 events but D.A.D.D.I.E.S. solves things before season 2 would start, or no Doodler/betrayal but Nicky still has to leave because FBI or other reasons) in which Terry Jr is the full time drama teacher for Teen High. Nicky returns from wherever he's been and is like "Well I want to be an active part of my kid's life and try and make up for lost time. I should go to his parents' evening, find out how he's doing in school, and meet his teachers. Especially this Mr Marlowe guy, Taylor seems to think he's awesome." And walking right into that classroom/hall to find his ex-boyfriend best friend sitting there in a dorky sweater and tie combo
Cue Terry, without missing a beat, greeting them as if nothing is wrong
Internal: when the FUCK did he come back and oh my god this is so awkward fuck I have to be professional how do I tell this guy that his kid is a loveable little shit after everything that's happened oh god oh fuck
Externally: "Hello Taylor and Mr Close-Foster-Freeman. I'm Taylor's drama teacher" *shakes hand* "Would you like to take a seat?"
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iluvbabycows Ā· 3 months ago
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being a girl is getting a lil high and turning on music that you can cry sing to while thinking about your ex who did you so wrong even though youā€™re literally the happiest youā€™ve ever been and donā€™t miss him at all at all at allllll!!!!!
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bandsanitizer Ā· 1 year ago
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#alison speaks?#to be deleted probably#not to like be weird about things people are already pretty weird about#but like beyond the absolute turn of ā€˜aCTUALLY this dude we liked for the past six years was a VILLIAN in her storyā€™#itā€™s the fact that some people have an audacity to look at the relationship they were in for six years#and go ā€˜yknow what? it was all just so she could get here. it was all about the healingā€™ and granted yeah#good people can help you be better. a safe person and a safe place can allow yourself the time and safety it takes to grow and heal#but honest to goodness they did NOT commit to their six year long relationships and endure all their hardships#he did NOT support her during some of the worst moments in her career#just for yā€™all to reduce him to some stepping stone in her story#to view him as if the whole universe revolves around her like#like imo he deserved way fucking better#and honestly unless the relationship ended in a way that i really really really could not believe it did#itā€™s pretty fucking shitty that he had to put up with all the shit he got from the internet after the split went public#itā€™s pretty fucking shitty that yā€™all act like she canā€™t really do wrong in a relationship#that yā€™all STILL are unable to see it as anything other than sure humans make mistakes but men are absolutely terrible#like the need to analyze the fuck out of a song yall call deep and sad and so telling#that really just sounds like ā€˜why couldnā€™t you read my mind?ā€™ makes me want to YELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL#anyways thatā€™s enough and maybe the last thing iā€™ll say#bc honestly if the current relationship ends up not lasting (not that i wish that on them#donā€™t get me wrong) but like if it doesnā€™t? just wait for everyone to come up with all the reasons why#this guy who brought her back and made her so happy and blah blah blah was ACTUALLY? a shitty guy the whole time#okay yeah thatā€™s all thatā€™s it#i think the reason this makes me so angry is bc yā€™all would not tolerate this if the situations/reactions were reversed#and honestly the amount of disrespect for a relationship that did not go burning down in flames between two people together for six years#that shared a life and a home ā€¦ to get this disrespect i justā€¦.#i wish healing and happiness and growth for both of them#but damn
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hertwood Ā· 1 year ago
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floral-hex Ā· 1 year ago
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The growing anxiety of realizing that Iā€™m running out of time to text my dad happy fatherā€™s day šŸ˜¬
#oh man our relationship would be so much easier if we just never tried#but I suppose thatā€™s true for most things. not doing stuff is easier than doing stuff. wow what a concept.#but I do love my dad. I just donā€™t know how to talk to him#havenā€™t texted him since my birthday in December#lol just looked back and saw that the joke I was going to open with I already used for my birthday#ā€™thank you for helping conceive meā€™#okay yeah not that funny but like I said I donā€™t know how to talk to him#so being weird and trying to be funny is like ā€˜hey at least Iā€™m putting some effort into my tri-annual textā€™#I justā€¦ I dunnoā€¦ bleghā€¦ I have nothing to say about my life that isnā€™t shameful or depressing#but hey! at least Iā€™m the one (1) kid he has thatā€™ll actually text him!#pretty sure my sis is still on the outs with him but sheā€™sā€¦ got her own shit I donā€™t need to weigh in on#whatever. heā€™s got his whole ā€˜beach lifeā€™ Jimmy Buffet Florida day drinking ā€˜in a cool wayā€™ BS going on so I donā€™t feel toooo bad#okay okay letā€™s see if I can get away with a quick text and not have to talk to him much#ughā€¦ Iā€™m a shitty son#or Iā€™m not a shitty son but he really hasnā€™t done anything for me to avoid him like I do#just my own self-worth bullshit. well not just that. but Iā€™m negative about myself so Iā€™ll focus on that#oh hey sorry I forgot this isnā€™t a therapy session#why would you read all of this?#sorry to everyone having a shitty fatherā€™s day#Iā€™ll be your dad#Iā€™m proud of you.#if you made it through the day today then Iā€™m proud of you and I love you or like you or whatever this is dumb#you can ignore this#text
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galariangengar Ā· 1 year ago
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šŸ’­
#this girl I was close friends/roommates with during my last year of college just got engaged with her bf of 8 years#while I am happy for both of themā€¦ idk I have difficult feelings about her now and donā€™t see her as a friend anymore#she used to live in the same city as me during the first like year and a half or so of the pandemic#and in that time we got to see/hang out with each other twice#first time we got to catch up for a few hours and we had a good time but it was kinda bittersweetā€¦ idk how to describe it#the second time she asked me last minute to accompany her to pick up stuff she got through Facebook marketplace#during one of those two times we hung out/she basically told me to my face that it would be the last time Iā€™d see her#i understood initially cuz she was about to start teaching and she wanted to focus on her relationships with her bf and her family#but not long after she started teaching/she quickly started going out a lot and making new friends#then she moved to another town like 30 ish minutes away cuz her aunt kicked her out in the middle of her first year of teaching#idk I never had a good feeling about things cuz of all of that stuff I stated above#but also since sheā€™s been trying on working to improve her relationship with her mom after everything sheā€™s done to her#cuz we both have shitty moms whoā€™ve said and done shitty things to us and our families#i know it probably wonā€™t happen or wonā€™t happen for like a few years#but in the event she invites me to her wedding/ Iā€™m gonna be deadass with her about how Iā€™ve felt about her#and see if sheā€™s willing to work on improving our friendship before I decide to attend (if she does invite me cuz idk)#oh I also forgot how after she moved after her aunt kicked her out#she had the nerve to randomly ask if I could watch her auntā€™s dogs during the week I was starting 3 online summer classes#she didnā€™t even like say hi/make small talk or ask nicely either#she just straight up was like ā€˜hey can you watch my auntā€™s dogs during (x) week?ā€™#she recently congratulated me when I posted on my Instagram story that I passed my driving text and got me license but I didnā€™t respond#I just have a lot of difficult feelings about her now/wish I could unfollow her but I donā€™t wanna start shit & her be all in my face & shit#jazz uses curse! šŸ’œ
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yuribalisms Ā· 2 years ago
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So Iā€™ve vaguely talked about my family situation on here a few times (mostly that it sucks and I hate them) butā€¦ ughā€¦ so all my siblings are either half siblings or step siblings. My half siblingsā€™ dad was a guy my mom married when I was about four. He was a piece of shit and was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive (that me and my mom got the brunt of but especially me). Eventually he started cheating on her when I was 12 I think? Idk but he planned to divorce her. Right before this all came out he ā€œrandomlyā€ decided he wanted to legally adopt me. I always hated him so I refused and it wasnā€™t until he left my mom we realized he knew I would never willingly come stay with him in the event of a divorce so he wanted a legal claim to me so a judge could force me to stay with him (concerning for a number of reasons). Anyways this man fucking sucks is my point and my younger siblings all had their designated weekends with him and stuff. Bad but he was never nearly as abusive towards them as he was towards my mom and me. However, my sister recently turned 15 and Iā€™d known for a while sheā€™d been having some issues with him, but last night my mom called me and apparently sheā€™s started refusing to go stay with him so as retaliation heā€™s been shutting her phone off and demanding his side of the family never speak to her again and my mom kept saying she ā€œreally wants to talk to me about thingsā€ and aaaahhhhh I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate that sheā€™s going through this but also I hate that itā€™s somehow my responsibility to deal with this. I mean, I threw together some quick plans to go down for two days next week to actually see her in person but I hate that I even have to do that
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arolesbianism Ā· 15 days ago
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Brute: ah yes I have finally gotten Softie to communicate with Queen and Alpha which has already done wonders for basically repairing the former and beginning the repairs for the latter. Maybe I can finally be free from this hell of my own creation and live with my loved ones happily -]
The evil and nefarious Beats:
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#rat rambles#eternal gales#oc posting#I love past timeline beats sm shes so. <3#bestie when the two people who she destroyed herself to be able to stand by suddenly go oh yeah we were being shitty sorry lol#particularly with softie it burns because she had to smother and kill so many of her morals by staying by their side#so it feels like the rug is being pulled under her and she freaks out hard#despite the fact that shed at some point desperately wanted them to do smth like this them actually doing it feels like a personal betrayal#and for brute this is a particularly gnarly problem to try to keep from escalating#mainly because with the others even though shit is messy and complicated it ultimately could be largely helped through communication#but its that exact communication that causes beats to spiral and its rly hard for them to try to do damage control without like forcefully#seperating them the whole time which is Not feasible#and beats is a Very angry and vengeful person once you get on her shit list which is typically hard to do but this does it#which makes it hard to use memory carryover sceneanigans to help because even if brute fully explained the situation and looped enough#times to stop beats from getting flower powered shed still be fully on team lets just kill softie then#taking beats and removing her morals is a great way to get a guy who thinks murder can solve any problem#also this stuff is not at all easy to just fuck around and find out with because before Any of this other shit can happen softie needs#their character development first which is already a doozy to try and brute force#theres a reason why brute eventually said fuck it and rewound things to back when they were all kids#its not easy to be a relationship counselor to a group of teenagers who are very prone to murdering eachother and youre also a teenager#bro brute was a wrestler before all this they are Not equipt to deal with any of this#and even If they managed to get through all of that theyd still have to deal with the horrible realization that two completely separate#members of the friend group have been consistently murdering eachother every loop this whole time and now they have to deal with that#that never happens in canon ofc cause brute never got that far but I think if they did they'd just walk up to the time flower themself
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bragganhyl Ā· 6 months ago
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it's been 4 in-game days and I'm already scrapping Leonor's backstory lmao
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suiana Ā· 1 month ago
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yandere! cheater and gn! reader who's in their villain arc...
you've suspected that something was up when your boyfriend started to get busy with his work, coming home late, hiding his phone from you...
of course you just wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that he really was just stressed from his work. he was yourboyfriend after all. you had to trust him, didn't you?
well everything was shattered when you found one of his side chicks under your shared bed. she was naked, only wearing a pair of undies while holding in her pee.
"wtf why are you hiding under here?"
"your bf doesn't want u to know that he's cheating. told me that he'd kill me if i came out."
yeah, so the girl was an asshole to get with your man when she knew that he was in a relationship but at least she told it to your face straight up. also she pissed herself while getting out from the bed so there's that.
meanwhile, your boyfriend was sobbing and crying when he came home. you had found out of his side affairs, a side he never wanted you to find out about. to be honest, your boyfriend didn't know why he he got with others in the first place. he had everything he could ever want in you. you made him feel alive, all the good things you know. being with you was like a dream come true and he constantly felt like tearing out his skin from how happy you made him.
you were his god.
oh, yeah, thinking about it now that's probably it. he felt that you were too good for him and didn't want to taint you. which... was why he resorted to sleeping with others.
shitty move, yeah he knows. don't need to repeat it.
but you... why were you so forgiving? you welcomed him back with open arms, sobbed a little and told him how hurt you were! he thought you'd have up and left by now!
but you didn't.
he knew you were too good for him, he had to treat you better now. he just had to, this was obviously you giving him a second chance, right? oh he just loves you so much!
unfortunately for him, it wasn't a second chance. no, you were about to absolutely ruin this man.
it started with the small things. small rumours about him ranging from how he had a small dick to how he's a pushover... you needed to start your plan slow, you know. tear his reputation of a good and sensible man bit by bit. gotta build up that tension teehee >w<
then from the rumours, you started manipulating the people close to him. crocodile tears, white lies, and a whole pity party for yourself... telling his friends and family members how your boyfriend was an absolute shit of a boyfriend, how he didn't treat you right and how he was the worst an alive... well, it wasn't much of a lie. he did spoil you and treat you like a deity but if he really treasured you why would he cheat in the first place? there's no space left in your life to pity him.
the most important part was to constantly reassure him that you loved him and to make sure that he never finds out that you were the one ruining his life from behind the scenes. can't let him find out that his angel lover is the one that's bringing him to social death now!
by this stage, your boyfriend was completely dependent on you. everyone around him was looking at him like he was the absolute scum of the earth. where did the rumours come from? why was everyone avoiding him? he couldn't even go to work without his coworkers side-eyeing him like he grew an extra head! he's just lucky he didn't get fired-
oh and what do you know. he got fired.
he comes home crying, an absolute mess and a shell of the man that he used to be. what was once a confident and charming man is now a desperate and pathetic boyfailure.
"baby i got fired, i'm so sorry. i don't deserve to be with you."
his arms wrap aorund your legs, tears staining your pants as he seeks comfort from the only person still left by his side. yes, you're the only person left dying for. even his own parents desserted him, yet you stayed. he's so thankful-
"yeah, you're right. you don't deserve me."
it's like time stops the second the words fall from your lips. he slowly looks up at you, eyes widening in horror as his tears dry up. what? was he growing delusional? he must've heard you wrong. no way his beloved god just said that!
"haha... you're so sweet baby. joking around in a time like this-"
"i'm not joking. you don't deserve someone like me."
you slap his hands away, looking down at him as he remains on his knees on the floor. you had a smug smile, expression all cocky as you even started to laugh.
"haha! did you really think i wanted to stay with you? fuck no! i have standards okay? i really didn't want to stay with a cheater!"
your boyfriend didn't know what to think. what were you saying? he doesn't understand. is this a late april fools prank? the way his heart was clenching and the way he felt his face paled shows just how much he doesn't like your words.
"babe stop-"
"i hate you god damnit. i really thought you'd be the one for me but no! you just had to go ahead and cheat!"
but you didn't listen to him.
"let's break up."
oh yeah, you hear that? that's the sound of his heart shattering.
he quickly crawls over to you, face pale as he grips onto your pants tightly. his hands shook with each word he uttered, tone desperate as tears streamed down his cheeks once more.
he never thought he'd start begging for someone to stay when it was usually the opposite but... you were his god. the one he's devoted his entire life too.
so he'll gladly get on his hands and knees for you if he has too. you can't leave him. he doesn't want to be alone.
"please! forgive me! i know i did something wrong but i'm trying! you can't leave me too!"
he looks up at you, face completely flushed as he continues to turn himself into an even bigger pathetic mess. he doesn't care what he looks like now. he's practically lost everything. he has nothing left to lose.
"i promise i'll be better! i haven't cheated since you found out last time! d-doesn't that count for something?"
he gives you a shaky smile, as though that would convince you.
it wasn't.
in response to his words, you could only give a disgusted expression, kicking him away before walking past him to the front door. what a pathetic man he was.
"you know, you look best when you're like this."
you state, glancing at him with a smile before turning to leave his house. well, there's that. your plan was complete and your now-ex boyfriend was absolutely destroyed.
so why did it feel like... something bad was about to happen?
you quickly look back at him, keeping your cool and remaining nonchalant before you feel the blood drain from your face. your best friend?! where did they come from?! and the fact that your crazy ex was holding a knife to their neck-
"no... don't leave me... you can't leave... i have no one else but you..."
what were you supposed to do now that he was holding your best friend hostage?
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lauraneedstochill Ā· 4 months ago
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if I see one more post about Aegon ā€œbullying Aemond his entire lifeā€, I will go fucking ballistic, I swear to gā€”
scratch that, I will actually go ballistic right now. this is the ā€œAegon doesnā€™t deserve such a shitty treatmentā€ club and Iā€™m the self-proclaimed CEO. we are about to do some analyzing and reading so BUCKLE UP.
gonna make one thing clear first ā€” Aemond was bullied when he was a child. no one denies that, no excuses can be made for that. Iā€™d only like to note that there wasnā€™t only one bully. hereā€™s a quick reminder:
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now that we successfully counted to three, letā€™s look over Aegonā€™s other horrible crimes relationship with Aemond throughout the years.
šŸ“ the night Aemond lost his eye (S1EP7), Rhaenyra suggests he should be ā€œsharply questionedā€ (she means tortured) so they can learn who told him that her sons were bastards. Viserys, in his perpetual denial, angrily asks Aemond ā€œwho spoke these liesā€ to which he replies that it was Aegon. it is clear that Aemond does that to deflect suspicion from their mother but his words come as a surprise to Aegon.
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heā€™s in a tough spot ā€” Viserys demands the answers ā€œas their kingā€, not their father (to signify his authority and pressure them into telling the truth). and Alicent screamed in Aegonā€™s face and slapped him just a minute ago, so he may be less eager to defend her. he can easily lie and say that he overheard some maids gossiping or that he canā€™t remember where the rumor came from. instead, it takes Aegon about 5 seconds to back Aemond up.
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šŸ“ we didnā€™t get many scenes with young Aegon and Aemond in general, but hereā€™s a short bit people keep overlooking: when Harwin and Criston start fighting, Aemond and Aegon instantly gravitate toward each other. and moreover, Aegon puts a hand over Aemondā€™s back (which to me is either a protective or a comforting gesture). what a horrible brother, truly.
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šŸ“ next we see them all grown up before dinner in S1EP8. I think itā€™s safe to assume that if Aegon has been bullying Aemond all these years, Aemond wouldnā€™t want to spend a second in his company. heā€™s seated between Helaena and Otto, both of whom are dear to him, so Aemond can stay at the table and chat with them. and YET, not only does Aemond voluntarily talks to Aegon, but their conversation seems friendly (you can barely hear it in the show so hereā€™s the enhanced audio). Aemond makes a joke about Aegonā€™s drinking habits ā€” Aegon quips back ā€” and then, what a shocker! Aemond starts venting his frustrations to Aegon (ā€œEven when the noose is so tight, they expect us to break breadā€). nothing wouldā€™ve stopped him from venting to Otto but Aemond stays with Aegon. he wouldnā€™t have done that if there hadnā€™t been some level of trust between them. he wouldnā€™t have done that if he hated Aegonā€™s guts.
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šŸ“ at dinner, when Aegon pisses Jace off and the brunet springs to his feet, Aemond stands up too, which forces Jace to act as if nothing happened and come up with a toast. Aegon watches him with a shit-eating grin on his face. itā€™s the face that screams ā€œI know you wonā€™t dare to act up in front of my brother and my brother has my backā€.
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when Aemond makes a toast and calls Rhaenyraā€™s sons ā€œstrongā€, Aegon raises a cup to that. he can sit this one out ā€” Aemond has his personal vendetta against the boys, and it would be safer for Aegon not to meddle. but what does he do instead? when Luke gets up from the table (clearly intending to go to Aemond), Aegon instantly stands up, comes up to Luke and not just stops him but slams his face into the table right in front of Rhaenyra without thinking twice. and it doesnā€™t look like Aegon is just messing with him ā€” no, it looks like he wanted to do that for a while. like Aegon finally got his chance to stand up for his brother too. AND he also stops Baela from joining the fight.
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šŸ“ S1EP9 is when we get a glimpse of Aemondā€™s ambitions: he deems himself better than Aegon, he thinks he deserves to be king. but once he finds Aegon and they get into a fight, it turns out that Aegon knows that Aemond is a better choice. he doesnā€™t want to fight him, he begs Aemond to let him go. and Aemond can do that ā€” Criston has his back to them, so Aemond couldā€™ve pretended that Aegon managed to break free. and even once they caught Aegon, I have no doubt that Aemond couldā€™ve helped him escape. but it seems that, despite his displeasure, Aemond values his family the most. he canā€™t betray his motherā€™s trust, and he knows Aegon is the first in line to the throne. Aemond envies him, yes, he may even hate him because of that. but he values his family the most.
šŸ“ as @florisbaratheons noted, during the coronation scene, when Aegon glances at his family, Aemond looks right at him and gives that tiny nod that says ā€œI may hate this and think I am better for the job as king. But Iā€™ve got your back.ā€ I like that Aemond is the one who keeps eye contact in that scene. He couldā€™ve turned away to signal his dissatisfaction with the situation, there wouldnā€™t have been any consequences for that. But he didnā€™t.
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šŸ“ what I find interesting about S1EP10 is the beginning of Aemondā€™s dialogue with Luke. thatā€™s the boy Aemond wished to get back at for years and yet, he starts by saying ā€œDid you think that you could just fly about the realm trying to steal my brotherā€™s throne at no cost?ā€. Aemond couldā€™ve skipped that part ā€” imagine him saying smth along the lines of ā€œWait, Lord Strong! Donā€™t you think you and I have other matters to discuss?ā€ (to which Luke answers that he doesnā€™t want to fight and the conversation goes on). instead, Aemond makes a point to remind Luke: my brother is the king, and I came here on his behalf. you can argue that Aemond doesnā€™t do it for Aegon specifically but for his family in general. but Aegon is a part of the family, and S1 Aemond has his priorities straight.
šŸ“ as much as I hate comparing the show and the book (these are two different things and should be viewed as such), Iā€™d like to remind you that Aegon was the only one who stood by Aemondā€™s side after Lukeā€™s death. I wonder why we didnā€™t get that sceneā€¦ I guess itā€™s because it would be kinda hard to call Aegon ā€œthe main bullyā€ after he literally throws Aemond a feast. but we do get to see Aegon supporting his brother: in S2EP1 he welcomes Aemond at the small council meeting despite his motherā€™s protests (ā€œAemond is my closest blood and my best swordā€). and he trusts Aemond wholeheartedly, that much is obvious.
šŸ“ letā€™s get to the most controversial part ā€” the brothel scene in S2EP3: some people believe Aegon is being a bully at that moment. those people seem to forget one little detail:
itā€™s been only a few days after the death of Aegonā€™s son whose murder was a direct result of Aemondā€™s ruthless actions. does Aemond ever address it? does he express his condolences? does he mayhaps help to catch the killers, being the skilled fighter that he is? the answer is NO.
I do think Aegonā€™s joke was cruel (I wrote a whole post about it) but thatā€™s all it ever was ā€” a JOKE. the humiliation comes not from the things he says but from the fact that Aemond is found in a vulnerable position and surrounded by a group of strangers while his brother laughs at him. TGC explained it best:
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I also love @notbloodravenā€™s take on that scene:
Aegon lashing out so cruelly at Aemond seems to be an effort in making Aemond feel as badly as he does and blaming him for Jaehaerys without actually saying the words.
would this be the right way to act? no. but thereā€™s no right way to grieve and to cope with the loss ā€” and HIS SON WAS BEHEADED so maybe take 1% of the sympathy you show your favorite character(s) and cut Aegon some slack.
+ other things worth talking about:
šŸ“ @bietrofastimoff23 analyzed S2EP3 beautifully and I canā€™t help but mention the scene that happens before Aegon goes to the brothel. itā€™s the moment when Larys suggests that Alicent and Aemond are plotting against Aegon. he isnā€™t surprised by the idea that his mother can do that ā€” but the second his brother is mentioned, Aegonā€™s face falls and he shakes his head no. because there is no way Aemond would ever do that to him. and instead of asking for any proof, he asks Larys ā€œwho spreads these lies?ā€ and then commands him to ā€œtend to them.ā€ Aegon can ask him to spy on Aemond, to find any dirt on him, find any weaknesses he can use ā€” he does not.
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šŸ“ it turns out to be true ā€” Aemond was plotting behind his brotherā€™s back. which is treason btw (I donā€™t think Criston intended to keep things from Aegon ā€” he probably believed that Aemond would let Aegon in on their plan). and Aegon does have the power to remind Aemond of his place ā€” he can throw him off the council with a snap of his fingers, he can take offense at Aemondā€™s attempt to publicly humiliate him (their conversation in High Valyrian ā€” Ewan himself calls it a ā€œpublic executionā€). but thatā€™s not what happens: as TGC phrased it, Aemondā€™s betrayal ā€œbreaks a bit of Aegonā€™s heart offā€. an actual bully wouldā€™ve immediately pushed back, but Aegon silently sits down and doesnā€™t argue, heā€™s so defeated he canā€™t utter a word. he has the means to be a bully but he doesnā€™t contemplate it for a second.
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šŸ“ I donā€™t want to talk about S2EP6 because it makes me sick but I will reiterate one thing: never ONCE Aegon made fun of Aemondā€™s disability or tried to cause him any physical harm. just want to point that out.
there is no moral to this story, I guess. if you managed to read till the very end, thank you. if you still hate Aegon, thatā€™s your opinion and you are allowed to have one ā€” but please, for the love of god, just stop making shit up. no, Aemond was NOT bullied as an adult, absolutely nothing suggests that he was. Aegon was naive to blindly trust him and it backfired on him, thatā€™s the actual story. and if you are so eager to hold Aegon accountable for his mistakes, maybe itā€™s time for Aemond to take responsibility for his actions too.
+ some of my favorite critical posts about Aegon and Aemond: x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x.
P.S. I will not argue with anyone so please donā€™t waste your time ā€” I consider all my arguments solid and thatā€™s enough for me. if you are thinking of sending me anon hate, pls go take a walk instead, it will do you more good. šŸŒæ
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writingouthere Ā· 10 months ago
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singlemom!reader x neighbor!sukuna. you miss having a baby and Sukuna is dying from a combination of your sexual tension, his lowkey(highkey) baby fever and the drudgery of attending a child's birthday party
cw: Sukuna's breeding kink, red flags are present and accounted for, no one gets laid tho so sad face. this actually ended up being way more sincere and heartfelt than I intended but honestly very typical of me
"Oh we're not together, Sukuna's just been letting me and Bug crash while we look for an apartment."
"Oh he's not my boyfriend, we're just friends!"
"He's actually not Bug's dad. No, no. But, they get along really well. She enjoys having someone else to hang out with aside from me, I think."
Your laughter after the last one plays on repeat as he goes to grab the two of you some refreshments. Sukuna feels like he's living the world's worst version of groundhog day, except instead of being some sad loser who relives the same day over and over, he's apparently a sad loser who is going to live the same conversation over and over again.
"Fuck this shit."
"Um, excuse me but could you watch your language. This is a kid's birthday party." Sukuna wants to ask the bitch who is correcting a grown man's language if he would mind watching his own fucking business but you seem to care about what these losers think and he won't make life difficult for you.
If he happens to step on the guy's foot as he leaves with two cups and a juice box caught in his elbow, well, his steel toed boots need the exercise.
Sukuna knew that if any of his acquaintances, he didn't have friends after all, could see him now, they would die laughing. Die ,because he would kill them for laughing, but fuck he couldn't even really blame them, even in his hypothetical.
Once upon a time, Sukuna was a feared criminal. People pissed themselves when he cornered them in a dark alley. Other bad guys would look at him and say, "wow that guy's a real piece of shit" and now look at him. Stuck at some three year old's birthday party. One more kidzpop butchering of an already shitty song away from committing another felony.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he knew he was at least getting some pussy out of it, but he had just spent the past two hours hearing you deny him to anyone who asked and it was really starting to get to him.
He knew he was being a little bitch about it, and he wasn't upset just because you weren't fucking him. He was upset that all the things you were telling people, they were technically true. He was just letting you and your daughter crash. He was just your friend, not your boyfriend. Even the comments about him not being Bug's dad, but him being positioned as some kind of really invested babysitter, those might have stung more than the ones about your relationship but you thought that was true too.
Thinking about the kid made him look for her, not that Sukuna ever wasn't aware of where you and your daughter were. It had become instinct before he was even aware of it.
Bug was laughing with some kids he recognized from daycare and others from their regular trips to the park. Her happiness was contagious and Sukuna found his lips twitching up at the ends despite his shitty mood.
Your daughter's eyes found him from across the playground. "kuna!" she called, waving her little hand at him. He waved back with his available hand and made his way towards her. She met him halfway, her little legs unsteady on the wood chips but she didn't seem to notice. She was always like that when she saw him, she ran fearlessly. Maybe she just trusted he'd catch her.
Was it so wrong of him that he didn't like the reminders she wasn't his. That it stung, not just because of his feelings but because it just couldn't be true. He might not have fathered her, but fuck anyone who said this little girl wasn't his.
"I got you a juice, you've been running around so much you gotta be thirsty."
"Not thirsty," Bug argued leaning into him. He held up his hands that were holding the grown up drinks for the two of you, and moved the package still lodged in the crease of his elbow towards the petulant toddler. "Take it, or I'll drink it."
Bug stuck her tongue out at him and grabbed it. She struggled to get the wrapping off the straw and Sukuna didn't even notice what he was doing until she had the straw stretched out towards him and he was pulling the wrapper off with his teeth. He spit it out on the ground as your daughter gave him a polite thank-you and then walked away, sipping her juice as she went to catch up with her friends.
What had become of him?
"Need a hand?" You smile at him and Sukuna hands over your cup before taking a sip of his own. There was unfortunately no alcohol in it but drinking it occupied his mouth before he acted like a pussy and asked you, "what are we?" or "should we get married?" or something equally as pathetic.
"God, I want a baby."
Sukuna almost spit out his drink but he manages to tone it down to just a little cough before turning to look at you. You don't even seem a little embarrassed which is just infuriating. Sukuna's about to make a suggestion on how he can help with that when you sigh and point to where some loser is holding their ugly baby.
"Aren't babies just the cutest, I miss when Bug was that age."
Oh, so this was just you looking at other people's red-faced brats and feeling nostalgic and was not in fact a call to action. Sukuna rolled his eyes and leaned back on the hand closest to you so he didn't touch you as he was so tempted to do these days.
"That baby, like all babies, is hideous. All they do is cry, shit themselves and vomit and I'm not even sure Bug is the exception to that and she's the best kid there is."
You look touched at his affection for your daughter but also fired up on behalf of babies everywhere.
"You can't just say a baby is hideous, Sukuna. Those are the Zenin's. Bug is friends with some of them."
"Well are the older ones cuter, because that baby looks like someone fucked one of those hairless cats."
"Sukuna!" you hiss but he sees you smile, despite yourself. "Okay, maybe that baby isn't like the cutest baby-"
"Hideous."
You continue after smacking his arm. "But Bug was cute, okay. And I'm not just saying that because I'm her mom." You take out your phone and quickly swipe until you get to what you're looking for. "See, cute baby."
Sukuna grabs your phone and looks. It's not the first picture he's seen of a young Bug and he's taken his share of photos of her himself, but he finds himself taken in by it anyway.
It has to be a picture from when Bug was really young, she still had the scrunched up, red face that he associates with newborns. But he thinks you're right, she's still cute. He doesn't know if it's because he knows that baby will grow up to be your daughter, but he finds his thumb caressing her little baby cheeks, the wisps of hair he can see peaking out from where she's wrapped in a baby blanket. It's then he sees she's not alone in the picture and there's a different version of you holding her.
The thing that stands out to him is how tired you look. He thinks this couldn't have been too long after you gave birth but still, he wondered if you'd gotten any rest those first few months. You still didn't like talking about your ex, or the circumstances that had led you to his apartment, but Sukuna knew that chances are you were taking care of Bug single handedly and that couldn't have been easy, cutest kid or not.
"She was beautiful, she still is." He reluctantly hands the phone back to you and you look at the picture again, tears building up in your eyes.
"She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I-I wish that the circumstances were different in how I got her. Sometimes, I wonder how I'll explain everything to her when she's older. She just deserves so much better than him, you know?"
"You both do." Sukuna reaches over and brushes away one of the tears that had managed to fall down your cheek. He leaves his hand there a moment, holding your cheek in his palm, just appreciating the warmth.
"Do you want any?"
"What?" Sukuna isn't sure what you're talking about anymore. He can only see your lips right in front of him, the way that your eyelashes brush against your cheek as you blink faster and faster.
"Babies, do you want any?"
Something short circuits in Sukuna's brain and he wants to say, fuck yes.
He wants to tell you that he thinks about it every day. Every time you put Bug on your hip or send him youtube videos of hairstyles you want to try on her. Whenever it's late at night, and little feet pad out of your room and Bug asks him in the loudest whisper he's ever heard, if he can get her some water because she's so thirsty.
He thinks about it when the sun streams through the curtains of his apartment in the morning and it lights up your hair as you move throughout the kitchen, a force of nature, a creature from somewhere far too good to have ended up here with him.
He thinks about it when the three of you go out and people just assume you're a family, because of course you're a family. When you and Bug play some made up game, or Bug gets tired even though she denies it and he carries her sleeping form against his chest. When he holds her in his lap on the subway and you lean to rest your head on his shoulder and he feels like this, this is what he's always wanted.
He's not all pure and good though, because he thinks about it late at night in his bedroom too. After a day of your smiles, of seeing your thighs stretch out of those sleep shorts you started wearing when the weather warmed up, whenever he remembers the feel and smell of your panties when he's lucky enough to find a pair in the laundry basket, he thinks about how the two of you would make some really cute fucking babies.
He's imagined it a million ways. He's imagined you telling him you've gone off your birth control and you need him now after he takes you out on an anniversary dinner. Or him crowding you up against the kitchen counter and you begging him to put a baby in you.
His favorite fantasy is currently one where you get so carried away when you finally finally fuck that you don't ask him to wear a condom and he spends the whole night making sure you're nice and good and full of him and when you tell him a few weeks later you missed your period, he'll let you freak out. But then he'll tell you that he'll take good care of you, and Bug, and your soon to be little one and he'll finally have you, all of you and once you have your second, he'll knock you up again, as many times as he can because there could never be too many mini-you's running around.
At this point, Sukuna remembers he's talking to you, the real you and he swallows a few times before he speaks.
"I do," he says simply but something must show on his face because you're looking at him in a way you never have before. He hears your breath hitch and he leans in to kiss you, and you smell so good and his thoughts are consumed by the little family he just knows you're going to have when suddenly he's pelted by a variety of sharp, little objects.
Sukuna immediately holds up his arm to shield you from what he now sees is a barrage of wood chips which are being thrown at you by an army of toddlers, including your daughter.
You immediately get up and start talking to the kids about the danger of throwing what are basically large future splinters at people's faces and Sukuna is contemplating the murder of every child that isn't his own when you turn to look at him.
You're not just looking at him, you're seeing him and oh. Maybe he would be getting laid tonight, after all.
The slow burn is almost done folks.
thank you to the amazing reception to this series and the one-shot I posted(which there will be a prequel of soon!). it's literally so insane. Masterlist will be up tomorrow which I hope helps with accessibility!
edit: masterlist is up!
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aakeysmash Ā· 7 months ago
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Tell me you love me
Pairing: f!reader x Sukuna Ryomen.
Word count: 2512.
Warnings: ANGSTTTTTT. An attempt at it at least lmao, let me know if I did a good job with it. A bit suggestive in the middle. Cursing. Mentions of cheating (mentions!!! No cheating in this house).
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People often say that Sukuna would be obsessed with the reader/oc, but I think a relationship with him would be the hardest thing ever.
He doesnā€™t get the concept of being in love: at the start of your relationship he found out you were more tolerable than anyone else, he assumed that meant he liked being around you and went along with it. Of course he fell in love in the long run, but for him itā€™s embarrassing to admit it. He barely even said it when you asked him why he wanted you to move in with him.
Itā€™s not like he isnā€™t obsessed with you: heā€™s obsessed with the way you just seem to get him, with the way you smile when he comes home from a long day at work, with the utmost kindness you treat people around you with and that he lacks completely. Heā€™s mesmerised by you, by the curve of your hips, the brightness of your eyes, the softness of your hands on his body.
He doesnā€™t show it, though.
Heā€™s used to being rough and redeems emotions as futile. Like he already said to you in a couple of your arguments, if you get him you get him, if not, heā€™s not explaining himself. Everything he does is thought of and automatically right, so why would he give you explanations?
But sometimes in relationships you need communication. He doesnā€™t see how intense it is to be next to someone who acts like he doesnā€™t care about what you want to share in your daily life. And again, he does care: if he could, heā€™d make a copy of you yapping and just listen to it on repeat while working. He loves how passionate you sound while talking about your hobbies, he finds the little tilt to your voice when you search for his approval adorable. He doesnā€™t see how difficult it is to be with him because heā€™s only been with you, and youā€™re so good at communicating and making him feel heard he doesnā€™t notice heā€™s not reciprocating your efforts.
And that means that heā€™s never the one who wants to resolve misunderstandings, because he thinks they donā€™t really exist. You were upset about your dish not coming out the way it was supposed to and instead of reassuring you it was still edible he straight up said it looked horrible and walked away? Heā€™s not sorry. He spoke his mind, did he not? And why would you be sad about the truth?
Youā€™re not weak, and youā€™re not shy either. Kind people are not necessarily stupid, and youā€™re living proof of that. Heā€™d never be in a relationship with a weakling who doesnā€™t know how to raise her voice and stand her ground. Youā€™re fierce in your own way, and you know how to manage his stubbornness 90% of the time. You donā€™t like being disrespected or ignored, and you made sure to talk his ear off whenever he did it. Not like he purposefully did it, anyway.
But as a person who understands emotions and feels emotions, sometimes being with him frustrates you. And it comes to a point where you debate on keeping being next to him or leaving him for good.
Heā€™s not the only one who has hard days, but when both of you have one, the silence inside your house is deafening. Youā€™re the one who usually starts up conversations, but your mind is occupied with other things. Youā€™ve barely touched your food.
ā€œWhatā€™s got your panties in a twist?ā€ He scoffs at dinner. He doesnā€™t like you frowning, it wrecks his heart. It makes him want to destroy the face of whoever took the smile he lives for off your face.
You sigh. ā€œYou know how my parents said they were coming to visit us next month? Well-ā€
Heā€™s silent. Fuck, when did she say this? He thinks. Probably one of those days where the thought of your thighs suffocating him all night plagued his mind last week. Fuck, heā€™d take a bite of them right now if you let him. Maybe he could suggest it. It could take his mind off of his own shitty day.
ā€œAre you even listening to me?ā€ You say sternly. He notices you kept on talking while his mind wandered, but he disregards it.
ā€œWanna fuck?ā€ He asks instead.
Youā€™re baffled. ā€œSukuna, what the fuck?ā€
ā€œDamn, you couldā€™ve just said no, brat,ā€ he says rolling his eyes.
You get offended. ā€œDonā€™t fucking ask me whatā€™s wrong if youā€™re not going to listen to me.ā€
ā€œYeah yeah, you were probably going to talk about how worried you are and shit. I donā€™t care about that. If you donā€™t want to get my dick wet Iā€™m going to rub one out,ā€ he says waving his hand in front of your face and standing up from his chair.
You huff out a sarcastic laugh. ā€œAre you serious?ā€
ā€œWould you prefer me to find someone else to do it for me?ā€ He bites, snapping his head toward you.
He sees you widening your eyes. If thereā€™s a thing you donā€™t tolerate is cheating, or jokes about it. He knows it. He knows it, dammit. Youā€™re fuming.
ā€œYouā€™re an asshole. Fuck you. Iā€™m sleeping at Nobaraā€™s,ā€ you spit at him, grabbing the purse you left on the side of the table and rushing out the door, slamming it.
When heā€™s left alone in your shared living room, he keeps on looking at your front door. The silence is making his head hurt, the only thing heā€™s hearing is the sound of the door slamming. Did he overstep? Nah, you were probably overreacting. He shrugs and finally moves from his spot, going to put his dish in the sink. He leaves yours on the table, because maybe youā€™ll be hungry when you come home. You usually are after an argument. Youā€™ll come back after a couple of hours saying you didnā€™t want to worry him too much, youā€™ll sigh saying this canā€™t keep on happening and that youā€™re tired of arguing, then heā€™ll hug you and everything will be alright. Just like it always is. Youā€™ve never left like this, though.
He ruffles his hair; heā€™s angry at everything and everyone. You shouldā€™ve got that heā€™s the one overreacting, why didnā€™t you get him like usual? Why arenā€™t you still back after 3 hours? He hates feeling angry. He hates feeling tired. He hates feeling in general. Most importantly, he hates that the hands in his hair are his and not yours. He hates the way right now heā€™s craving your soft voice reassuring him in his ear, your sweet words covering him like a blanket; his head on your chest listening to your heartbeat while lying on your couch, reminding you that youā€™re there. Youā€™ve always been there. Thereā€™s no one else for him, thereā€™s never going to be one. Heā€™d never cheat, youā€™re so stupid for getting angry about it. Why did you get so mad about it? Suddenly, heā€™s thinking about random stuff you said that he ingrained in his head.
I love you too, Sukuna. Iā€™ll wait for you to tell me that without me forcing it out, mh? Iā€™ll move in with you, sure, if you ask me so that nicely.
You picked this book because it reminded you of me? Thank you, baby. I love it. Both the book and the fact you thought of me.
Can you stop messing up my sock drawer? No, I did not hide your cigarettes there. But please stop smoking, I love when you taste like my lip gloss and not that disgusting shit you inhale. Give me a kiss so I can prove it to you. Iā€™ll take your breath away way better than tobacco.
He smirks while on the couch, alone. Youā€™re so cute. He wants to bottle up your laugh. Why arenā€™t you back still? His mind doesnā€™t stop, though.
You hurt me, Sukuna. Why canā€™t you notice?
I feel like you donā€™t care about me.
If I hadn't come to you, would you have come to me? Or would you just have ignored this whole argument and acted like nothing happened?
Am I just filling up a random space you leave open for a significant other or am I the significant other thatā€™s capable of filling that void?
That night he dreams of you. The way you glared at him asking him if he was serious, almost like a warning before you lashed out. He dreams of the hurt that flashed in your eyes when he spewed nonsense. And when he wakes up, youā€™re still not back. Your unfinished plate is still on the kitchen table.
But heā€™s prideful, thatā€™s why youā€™re the one thatā€™s always trying to resolve arguments. Yes, youā€™ll come back. Heā€™s sure of it. You always came back during the 3 years you've been together.
A week passes by and he's going crazy. You haven't contacted him at all, and he didn't text first. He lies to himself saying it's because he's leaving you some space, but the truth is that he's scared. What is he even supposed to say? Hey, I'm sorry, I miss you, please come home? That's pathetic. He's taking a shower when suddenly his phone rings. His heart skips a beat and he rushes out to check if it's you. Please, let it be you.
Instead it's Yuji, his brother.
Yuji: Hey, what happened with y/n? She asked me to come get some of her things for her. Is she sick?
Sukuna frowns. Then he realizes that- you're going to move out. You're going to break up with him.
He goes into panic mode. He never thought about the possibility of you leaving him. He thought you would come back, like you always do. Why would you leave him? Is it because you finally realized that you're better off with someone who knows how to express their feelings for you? Did you get tired of him? Have you already found someone else?
He finds himself knocking on Nobara's door in the next ten minutes. He ran, he's sweating and it's starting to rain. He's out of breath, and he gets his hands on his knees while he waits for you to open the door. He's not ready to let you go. He can't even fathom a life where he doesn't wake up to you trying to get warm between his arms, without you nagging him while watching a film together, without helping you bake cookies while laughing with each other. Without not being able to talk from how in love he is while looking into your eyes. And he knows that if you leave him he's never going to be able to live in his own house ever again, or walk down the street you always do together, or go grocery shopping and not thinking about you while looking at vegetables. You always said you liked vegetables and he always lied about liking them just to see you excited about cooking them together.
"Yuji, I didn't think you'd be this fas- oh," you open the door and your face falls when you see it's Sukuna. He snaps his gaze toward your face when he hears your voice. He missed it so much. You're so beautiful. He missed all of you. So much.
Neither of you move, you just keep staring at each other. This time, he knows he's going to have to talk first. For the first time, he realizes how hard it actually is to confront someone first. Do you feel like this every time?
"Come home," he says. "Please," he adds.
You look sad. "I don't think I'm going to, Sukuna. It's been more than a week and you didn't even reach out to say... I don't even know what. I know you don't say sorry. You never do."
Your words feel like knives. From where you're standing you're taller than him, and he has to look up to look at you. It's like he's in front of the pearly gates of heaven and an angel is making him confess all the wrong things he did, except in this scenario you're the angel and the things he did are just what he thinks about all of this. About you in general.
And you're right, he doesn't usually say sorry. The words get stuck in his throat and he just gapes up at you, still catching his breath. Pathetic.
You sigh, then go to close the door. You don't look at him anymore and he feels like he can't breathe, and not because of the run.
"I'll come get my things next week. Go home, you'll get wet," you say. And your voice is clear, you're not mumbling, you must have thought about this. He sees how hard you're clenching your jaw to appear resolute, your nails hurting your palms from how hard you're closing your hands. But you still manage to worry about him, worry about him possibly catching a cold from the rain. And he loves you. Fuck, he loves you so much.
"Wait," he manages to say. You look at him with longing. With sorrow.
And he feels like he's crying to the angel in his afterlife when he opens his mouth again, thorns in his throat getting tighter, suffocating him. But he doesn't cry here, in front of you, even if maybe you'd like it. You'd probably say that you appreciate him showing emotions, maybe tease him for it, but you'd like it. He'd kiss you while you're still laughing, saying you're stupid, and you'd continue laughing.
"I love you," he rasps out. The words feel so unfamiliar to his tongue, but so familiar to his ears. You always tell him you love him. "I'm sorry for being a shithead. Please don't leave me. I promise you I'll get better at this communication shit," he begs.
You still don't move, but he sees you getting softer.
"Go home, Sukuna. We'll talk about it when it's not raining," you utter.
"No, I don't fucking want to," he snaps. You're startled, and he cringes. He's really not used to all of this. He doesn't like scaring you.
"Fuck, I meant to say I want to get over it right now. I didn't want to scare you. I want you back, Y/N. Please, have me back. I'll get better for real," he says while getting progressively closer to you.
"You promise?" You ask, now shorter than him. You're a step of distance from each other.
"I promise, baby. I'll make you the happiest girl to ever exist," he tells you, looking at you intensely.
"Start by saying you love me again," you mumble, wrapping your arms around his waist and resting your head on his chest. He engulfs you in his own arms, inhaling the smell of your shampoo, then snorts.
"Sure. I'm in love with you, brat."
Being in a relationship with Sukuna is hard, but he loves you easily.
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kingkatsuki Ā· 4 months ago
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ā€” come
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Toge was always so careful and meticulous about using his cursed speech, not wanting to impact himself or his friends. But when youā€™re out getting drunk in an attempt to forget your asshole of an ex-boyfriend, and heā€™s trying to get you home a certain word slips out and it doesnā€™t quite have the intended effect.
Thanks to the cum/come discourse for sparking this idea.
Pairing: Inumaki Toge x f!reader.
Warnings: 18+, dubious consent (to be safeā€” Toge uses his cursed speech on reader without consent but she likes it), exhibitionism, voyeurism, public setting, unestablished relationship, intoxication.
Word Count: 3k.
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You didnā€™t expect your weekend to end like this. Saturday evening youā€™d been happily planning a holiday with your boyfriend, and then by Sunday morning, youā€™d broken up. His speech had started with an ā€œitā€™s not you, itā€™s meā€ before youā€™d ended up throwing him out of your house and calling your best friend Maki.Ā 
And thatā€™s how youā€™d found yourself in some shitty bar in a rough part of town on a fucking Sunday evening as you throw back drinks to try to numb the pain. It was surprisingly busy inside the dingy bar, and you were just glad it wasnā€™t one of the band nights they seemingly had each weekend if the obnoxious posters splashed all over the walls were anything to go by. The loud music pounding through the speakers was enough to set the vibe without being so overbearing that it vibrated through to your skull.Ā 
Being with your friends arguably made things worse as you glanced across the table at Maki and Nobara who were so clearly in loveā€” why couldnā€™t you have something like that?Ā 
Lamenting softly you eyed your empty glass before honing in on the warm dregs for Yuutaā€™s fruity cocktail. Watered down by melting ice as you slurped the rest of it back through his straw, left making an irritating noise as you tried to get every last drop of alcohol from the bottom of the glass.Ā 
ā€œYeah, I think you got it all.ā€ Megumi groaned in irritation as he took the hurricane glass out of your grasp, placing it back in front of Yuuta as he rolled his eyes.Ā 
ā€œDonā€™t worry, Iā€™ll get another one.ā€ You huffed, tapping his thigh to let you out of the booth as he moved to stand.Ā 
ā€œDonā€™t you think youā€™ve had enough?ā€ Megumi countered but did not attempt to stop you as you approached the bar. Clumsily weaving through the other patrons who loitered around the area with drinks in hand, as you narrowly missed walking into a guy holding two beers.Ā 
Toge watched you closely as you made a beeline for the bar. He was just happy to be here with you at first, nursing his beer as condensation began to ripple down the bottle as the liquid built to room temperature. The blunt nail on his thumb scratched at the damp silver Asahi label as he languidly peeled it from the bottle. His eyes focused on you as you leaned over the bar to order another round of shots, your skirt raised just enough that he could probably get a peek of the panties you were wearing tonight ā€” not that he hadnā€™t accidentally snuck a glimpse when youā€™d crossed your legs on the train into the city earlier (pink, they were pink) ā€” but this meant if he could see your panties now so could any other pervert in this dingy dive bar.Ā 
Fuck.Ā 
ā€œToge?ā€ Yuuji calls, ā€œWhere are you going?ā€Ā 
Toge waves him off as he moves on instinct. Abandoning his long-forgotten beer as he navigates himself through the crowd towards you, violet eyes glancing at a man who was clearly checking you out as his brows creased into a frown. Deliberately coming to stand behind you to hide your ass from the perverts in the room as he lays a gentle hand on the small of your back.Ā 
Itā€™s the way your eyes light up when you see him that has his heart thunderous in his chest, so loud he thinks you could probably hear it over the abrasive drum and bass track that was currently playing.Ā 
ā€œToge!ā€ You turn to greet him, as though you werenā€™t just sitting beside him in the booth moments earlier.Ā 
ā€œTakana?ā€ He looked at you with concerned eyes as your smile faltered.Ā 
Youā€™d definitely had too much to drink.
ā€œBut I donā€™t wanna leave yet, Toge.ā€ You pouted at his question, your arms immediately curled around his shoulders as he had to take a step back to prevent his increasingly evident bulge from pressing against your front, ā€œAnd I just ordered us more shots!ā€
ā€œOkaka.ā€œ Toge frowned, already certain you wouldnā€™t be able to stand if you had much more.Ā 
ā€œDonā€™t be like that,ā€ You pouted, ā€œYou said you were gonna come out with me tonight to make me forget him, but you havenā€™t even danced with me.ā€
If youā€™d thought Toge had any inclination to dance with you, you shouldā€™ve been sorely mistaken. But the thought of you going anywhere without him dressed like this had a rage burning in his chest as he thought about anyone else laying even just a finger on you.Ā 
ā€œSujiko.ā€ He motioned to leave, his warm palm splayed against your hip as his fingers pressed into you. Feeling the plush of your body dip beneath his hand as his thoughts ran rampant, thinking about how pretty youā€™d look beneath him while he palmed every curve.Ā 
ā€œYouā€™re no fun,ā€ You furrowed your brows, and your bottom lip jutted out so adorably that he had to physically restrain himself from leaning forward to kiss you. For the first time, he wished that his cursed speech worked on the user because heā€™d shout a resounding ā€œDonā€™t do it!ā€ just to get himself to stop.Ā 
ā€œOkaka.ā€ He repeated, thankful you could barely see his face beneath his mask as a pastel pink dusted his cheeks. Toge never wanted you to think he was boring, the banter youā€™d managed to maintain even though you were dating a less favourable guy kept him close to you despite your relationship. Heā€™d be lying if he said he wasnā€™t pleased that youā€™d finally broken up, even if it meant you were hurting now.Ā 
ā€œOh, yeahā€” you are fun?ā€ You teased. Toge could see the cogs in your head working as you motioned back to the bar, ā€œThen do a shot with me.ā€
Toge sighed beneath his mask as he kept one of his arms poised around your waist in a subtle sign of possession as he came to stand beside you at the bar. Glaring at the bright blue liqueur thatā€™s sat in a rather large-looking shot glassā€” just thankful it wasnā€™t whiskey again.Ā 
He didnā€™t enjoy letting alcohol get the best of him, especially with his cursed speech. It lowered his inhibitions and made him more susceptible to talking, which could be a danger in itself. Texting someone to ā€œgo dieā€ playfully during a game or banter was one thing, but actually saying it when heā€™s shitfaced would have dire consequences.
ā€œShake shake,ā€ Toge replied.Ā 
The delighted squeal you let out at his answer as he moved his arm from its position to pull his collar down made his lips curl into a smile as he reached out for the glass. Holding it gently as he waited for you to do the same as you leaned your body weight against him, your perfume invading his senses as he tried to remember to breathe.Ā 
God, youā€™re so tipsy.Ā 
ā€œThree, two, oneā€”ā€ You practically sing as you throw the shot back.Ā 
Toge mimics your movements, not expecting the shot to burn as much as it does as it travels down his throat. Tempted to pull out his cough medicine to try and alleviate the tension, but itā€™s quickly forgotten when he watches your reaction. Your face is scrunched up adorably in disgust as you stick your tongue out, slamming the glass back down on the bar as you make a cute sound of repulsion.Ā 
ā€œI thought it would taste nice because itā€™s blue,ā€ You whine, ā€œThat was even worse than the last oneā€” let me get us something else.ā€
Your words are slurred as you move to lean back over the bar, trying to get the barmanā€™s attention as Toge tries to pull you back.Ā 
ā€œOkaka.ā€ He shakes his head, moving his hand from around your waist in favour of wagging a finger in front of you.Ā 
He wants to shout at you, remind you that you promised youā€™d leave after this, but he doesnā€™t. Pulling his mask back up around his lips to avoid temptation as he tries to move you away from the bar.Ā 
ā€œTuna tuna.ā€ He presses, as you move back to lean against him. Your arms back around his shoulders as you sway from side to side.Ā 
ā€œBut I donā€™t wanna go yet, Toge,ā€ You pout, ā€œItā€™s still so early.ā€Ā 
Toge ignores your statement as he manages to walk you far enough from the bar that youā€™re not in danger of ordering more shots. The guy behind the bar was giving you far more attention than necessary and heā€™s certain he wouldā€™ve left the bottle if youā€™d given him the option.Ā 
ā€œTuna.ā€ He murmurs as you pull his mask down to stare up at his face. Giving him the same childish pout as he mirrored your actions with a pout of his own, showing off his curse marks as you resist the urge to stroke them.
ā€œYou go home Toge, but I wanna stay,ā€ You huff, you throw your head back childishly and Toge has to tighten his grip on your waist to prevent you from falling backwards, ā€œYuuji will take me home.ā€
Toge was smart enough to know that Yuuji would be completely incapable of getting you home after the sheer number of two-for-one strawberry daiquiris heā€™d consumed tonight as he gave you a deadpan look.Ā 
ā€œShake shake.ā€ He replied sarcastically, his voice oozing with ridicule. Keeping his grip on your hip as he tried to move you to leave but you kept your feet planted in place.Ā 
ā€œCome on, just one more shot and then weā€™ll goā€”ā€Ā 
Of course, he shouldā€™ve known you wouldnā€™t be satisfied with one, and the adorable pout on your lips would usually have been enough to have him crumbling, but he needed to get you home.Ā 
You shook your head immaturely when he tried again to pull you away from the bar, practically whining as you begged him to stay, causing a disgruntled grunt to vibrate in his chest as he tugged your arm.Ā 
ā€œCome.ā€ The word left his lips before heā€™d even thought about the implication, already turning his body to leave.Ā 
And it shouldā€™ve made you follow himā€” But that isnā€™t how his cursed speech decides to work, and thatā€™s definitely not where your mind is right now.Ā 
You can feel it before it happens, your body torn from your consciousness as you feel the familiar tingles of energy pulse through your veins as your climax builds in your pelvisā€” but this is different. The desire blooms so hard and fast that itā€™s impossible to fight it, as you try to clamp your thighs together to satiate the ache as your arms tighten around Togeā€™s shoulders.Ā 
He knows what heā€™s done before he sees it happen. The pleasured look on your face as your thick lashes flutter and your glossy lips part in a shameless whine, manicured nails drag against the messy hair at the base of his skull as your legs become weak. Leaning more of your weight against his a debauched, desperate whine spills from your lips.
Oh, shit. Itā€™s loud, and heā€™s certain someone has got to have heard it, protectively pulling you closer as though heā€™s afraid someone else might get to see you like this.Ā 
Toge feels his cock respond, pulsing against his pants as it begs to be set free. To feel your trembling walls hug him tightly as he slides into you for the first timeā€” heā€™s fucked his fist more times than he cares to count to this image, and somehow seeing it here and now could never compare to all those dirty fantasies heā€™s had about you.Ā 
The pleasure is all-consuming and nothing compared to the orgasms youā€™ve had in the past. It feels as though an invisible energy has injected its way into your veins and has filled you with an inexplicable warmth as your climax surges through you in harsh waves. The intensity has you weak at the knees as you cling to Toge to stop yourself from buckling to the floor, burying your face in his neck as Toge wishes he could see the way your eyes roll as your lashes tickle his throat and your lipstick smears against his collar, not that he caresā€”Ā 
Itā€™s too much, too intense as your hole clenches around nothing and your clit pulses. Thankful for the loud music coming out through the speakers as a sinful whine spills from your lips, your hips jerk wildly as you feel Togeā€™s hard cock press against your tummy. His breath comes out in harsh pants as he tries to think of something, anything to stop himself from creaming his pants. Already feeling the fresh pre drooling out of his cockhead and soaking his boxers at the mere sight of you.
ā€œFu-uck, Toge.ā€ You whimper, your nails drag against his scalp as your fingers weave into his messy hair to tug roughly. Stealing a sudden gasp from the back of his throat as he feels you press your body against his.Ā 
Toge tries to commit the sound of your moans to memory. The sultry, debased sound of your voice crying out his name as he forced an orgasm from you that heā€™ll no doubt be fucking his fist to later tonight as he feels your breasts drag against his chest. He feels like a pervert for getting off on this, no better than the men who were loitering around the bar for a glimpse up your skirt.Ā 
A real creepā€” but somehow this was worth it, he thinks.Ā 
In all those nefarious thoughts heā€™s ever had about you while heā€™s stroking his cock, heā€™s never once imagined youā€™d look this good. Completely ruined by him, and he hadnā€™t even touched you. The corrupt whines heā€™d stolen from your lips continue well into the tremours of your orgasm as he clings to the sound of them, unabashedly shifting closer so he can hear the high-pitched breathy whines you make over the music playing through the speakers.Ā 
He doesnā€™t even care if your friends can see at this point if heā€™ll be roasted in the group chat or vilified for it later. He reckons it would all be worth it having finally seen you fall apart for him like this.Ā 
And little did Toge know that you didnā€™t seem to mind much either. Your ex had never made you cum like thatā€” an all-encompassing climax that left you feeling like putty. Your legs quivered as you felt the aftershocks continue to trickle through you all the way down to the tips of your toes. An impassioned energy that had your mind hazy, laced with cheap alcohol as it managed to consume your consciousness.Ā 
Itā€™s embarrassing. Knowing that anyone could turn to watch you in the crowded bar, to see just how blissed out you are as you lose control of your body and your senses. The pleasure practically forced itself upon you as you drown in it, wishing heā€™d help you through it with his fingers against your clit or inside your empty cunt as it continued to flex completely empty. Wondering if this is what he could do with his cursed speech, what Toge would be able to do with his handā€” with his cock.Ā 
You were looking up at him with the most fucked out expression on your face, it made it difficult for Toge not to want to kiss youā€” especially with your lips so close.Ā Ā 
ā€œFucking hell, Toge,ā€ You exhaled shakily as you clung to him, ā€œThat wasā€”ā€
He locks his jaw to bite back the urge to cough, trying to swallow it in his throat as he moves to pull his mask back over his face. Hoping to shield his now crimson cheeks but your hand is quicker, reaching out to prevent him from pulling it up.Ā 
Toge wraps your wrist in a rough palm to tug your hand away from his mask with a frown, feeling his thumb press into your pulse point as you practically whine at him. Your hips still gyrating as you start to come down from your bliss, his eyes flit out to see if anyone seems to have noticed but thankfully the bar is raucous as he holds you against him as you continue to ride the little aftershocks of pleasure.Ā 
You use your grip on the back of his head to tug him down to your height, your glossy lips barely graze his as you press your lips together. A kiss that leaves him craving more as his tongue peeks out to swipe at the gloss, tasting the sugary hint of cherry as you go cross-eyed looking at the curse mark on his tongue.Ā 
Toge canā€™t stop himself now, one taste and heā€™s addicted. His warm palm smooth along your side as he maps out the curves of your body, inching his way up until he finds your face. Cupping your cheek in his hand as he leans forward to kiss you, his lips press firmly against yours as you gasp softly, allowing his tongue to delve further as he strokes it against every crevice. Tilting his head to deepen the kiss as you brush your tongue against his gently, feeling yourself melt into him as your hand's ball into fists in the fabric of his shirt.Ā 
He knows itā€™s wrong. Youā€™re inebriated, heā€™s already taken advantage of you by using his cursed speech and yet he canā€™t stop himself. Youā€™re like a drug and heā€™s addicted as he longs for one more taste, just another hit and then heā€™ll quitā€” except he never wants to quit you.Ā Ā 
Toge has never felt so much disdain for the basic human need to breathe as he reluctantly breaks the kiss, keeping his lips pressed against yours as he pants against you. Your warm breath fans his face as half-lidded eyes meet his, your lipstick now smeared across the sides of your lips and chin as you give him a sweet smile.Ā 
ā€œToge,ā€ You whine, ā€œYou didnā€™t have to use your cursed speech on me to make me cum.ā€Ā 
ā€œIkura.ā€ He curses beneath his breath at the sultry lilt to your tone.Ā 
ā€œCan you make me cum again without it?ā€ You ask so sweetly it has his body reacting before his mind as his neglected cock throbs beneath his pants.
Yeah, you were definitely going to be the death of him.
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