#it’s pretty fucking shitty that y’all act like she can’t really do wrong in a relationship

[bandsanitizer]

.

[the-archxr]

So, now that I'm freshly widowed (Eddie dearest 😭), what did you think of season 4?? 💕

Well first, my condolences. I haven’t cried that hard at a death in a long time, so I get it 😂

But secondly, I have a lot of thoughts about it, so to sum it up in general (so that way this post isn’t miles long), I feel so-so about it??

I liked it very much (vol 1 more than vol 2) but there were some aspects that I strongly disliked to the point where they were kinda hard to ignore.

Here are just a few I didn’t like (with extra details cause I’m bored and need to rant):

Mike Wheeler (no I will not elaborate. Other than the fact that Mike from season 3 on is not the fucking heart of the group.)

other than Noah Schnapp’s amazing fucking acting, especially in THOSE two scenes, I didn’t like that Will was pretty much sidelined again. Like considering he’s technically supposed to be the main character (the one the entire show started with and is essentially about), ever since season 3 he’s not really involved at all. Although it seems that with the ending of season 4, he’ll (hopefully) be in season 5 a lot more, so we’ll see how that pans out.

now my least favourite thing that happened this season was the weird Nancy/Steve romance rekindling. Especially since they didn’t really take it anywhere at the ending (not that it would’ve mattered, I still wouldn’t have liked it). The entire thing seemed pointless and completely contradictory to their character development(s) in prior seasons, ESPECIALLY Steve’s. Steve’s whole character arc after him and Nancy’s breakup (and mainly in season 3), was that he moved on from her. Nancy and Steve are great characters, but to each other romantically, they represent the stereotype/the expected partner. Nancy’s whole thing was that she didn’t want to be with Steve because she didn’t want to end up like her parents. Which stems from Steve originally wanting to be with her, making plans at 18 to marry her and have children because that’s what’s expected from his parents. These are things they moved on from up until the Duffers decided to fuck that up, so by bringing it back it just felt empty; like Nancy was just lonely and had nothing better to do, and that Steve can’t possibly be with anyone else who compliments his personality.

and speaking of Steve (even though it isn’t limited to him)… I was really hoping to get some more insight into the lives of others? more character development, or explanations of other underdeveloped characters?? We got a lot with Max (and her story arc was great, don’t get me wrong), but I feel like there’s so much stuff we still don’t know/haven’t seen from others?? For example, since season two, I’ve been dying to see the Harringtons. I get the whole point is they’re never around and they’re shitty people, but I want to see interactions between them and Steve. I want to see Dustin talk about his dad (is he dead, are his parents divorced??), and I want them to address Hoppers ptsd from being in a Russian prison, instead of making jokes about him loosing weight.

Like I said, I really did like this season. But similar to Multiverse of Madness, a lot of it felt like ramped up action sequences without any “meat” behind it.

Then again, this season was to primarily set-up the next one. And with season 5 being the final one, hopefully, they tie up some of these looser ends??

But anyways how did y’all like it??

✨the-archxr thoughts✨

[pudgecuddles]

tw discourse, heavy negativity, community meta

I’ve been seeing some pretty blatant kink shaming going on here for a while now and have just about had it.

It’s disguised as well-meaning, social advocacy and the occasional off-handed comment or tag. It’s phrased in a way that would make you the bad guy if you spoke out against it. Or even brought up the outright HYPOCRISY.

We are all here because we jack off to erotica of a boy band being gay and getting fat. No one is inherently better than anyone else here.

Some of us like farting, some of us like piss.

No one is above anyone morality wise.

And yet, I have been seeing asks and posts and reblogs and tags saying some stuff that rubs me the wrong fucking way.

This sentiment:

“Writing these characters as being in an abusive relationship is unhealthy, toxic and problematic.”

And

“Writing these characters like this is so dehumanizing and gross.”

Has the same fucking energy as:

“You do know that purposely gaining weight is unhealthy and abusive right?”

And

“How dare you write BTS weight gain stories! These are real people you’re hurting by doing this!”

Honey…

It’s a kink.

It’s a fetish.

Hell, it’s the only fucking thing I can get off to.

What happened to people advocating against kink-shaming? Where did this shitty divide in the community come from?

And don’t you fucking say “some accounts”, because cut the bullshit we all know who you’re talking about when you say that. She knows it too.

You’re not being subtle, you’re not being clever. You’re very publicly disowning a fucking foundation of this community.

And since y’all are so fucking afraid to say her name, I’ll say it for you.

@taeslovehandles

There. Not so fucking hard. Or maybe, it was just easy for me because I treat her like a fucking human with feelings beyond her porn or kinks. Someone who’s been told to her face that they don’t want to be associated with her, or even look at her milder content. That fucking COMMUNICATING with her was distasteful.

People she liked. People she looked up to. People that then TURN AROUND and make vague as fuck call out posts about “certain accounts” and “dark content”.

She sees this you know. She sees every fucking word because guess what? You’re so damn obvious.

The accounts that left or deactivated because “some accounts” were introducing “uncomfortable content”. That the “atmosphere has changed” and that it’s “just not the same”.

Everyone knows you’re talking about her. People are just too polite or two-faced to say it out loud.

Fun fucking fact?! @taeslovehandles doesn’t post her stories on Tumblr. She posts them on Ao3.

So stop acting like she’s polluting pure waters because 1) her content’s in a different lake and 2) these waters ain’t pure in the first place.

So, since it’s not her that’s the problem, what is?

Could it be… the mob mentality that emerges whenever given the chance?

Maybe the misplaced performative activism you use to cover up your very public cyber-bullying?

Or is it the fact that people are treating this community, built off of the backs of porn writers, as a standard for moral superiority?

Whatever the fuck it is, stop.

Fucking stop.

You are literally only hurting people. We come here to not be judged, scorned, whispered about, or hell, put on public trial for what turns us on. This is supposed to be a place where we can conscientiously create and share things that get us off with like minded people who won’t dox us for “ruining the boy’s image”.

If you really don’t like dark content, and can’t bring yourself to follow an account that even posted it once, block them! It’s great! If you don’t like dark content but you enjoy the other stuff the person posts, block the tags you don’t like! Easy to skip past!

But whatever you do, don’t act like a bunch of middle schoolers who don’t like that that one girl showed up to lunch eating something you’re allergic to when she doesn’t sit at your table and doesn’t shove her PB&J in your face.

Don’t transfer schools because just knowing that there is peanut butter in the cafeteria ruins it forever for you.

Don’t whisper about how “inconsiderate some peanut eaters” are when you all eat shellfish yourself.

Especially don’t do so when sitting behind her in history, or when walking past her in the hallway. Even if she washes her hands every single time.

And when she says “Hi!” between classes, or gives you a gift for your birthday, don’t tell her to go away because you don’t want her peanut hands touching you.

Even though she washes her hands. Even though she wipes down her table. Even though she uses a separate trash can.

She’s not a peanut.

She’s a person with feelings.

She has every right to attend this school too.

She has every right to not be shamed into sitting alone, or eating something she doesn’t like, or can’t afford every day.

So, remember the fucking human before you jerk off your justice boner, why doncha?

[fuck-customers]

Fuck managers! I scheduled a surgery for mid june in mid april, plenty of time in advance. Also not for anything serious, but definitely something thats been bugging me for almost the entire year so far and has already caused me to miss work, so my supervisors at least vaguely know about it. Also something that will definitely take at least a week or two of recovery so I had to take some time off for it. Our time off request system is online and tells us what days are blackout days and can’t be requested off. Usually that’s reserved for holidays. The days I scheduled said nothing and didn’t seem to be blacked out which was why I picked those time in the first place. You can see where this is going

Fast forward about a week, I’m at work and one of my supervisors asks me to look at the schedule real quick, and she goes “so I denied the vacation days you took in June for father’s day weekend and the blackout days around it, but the rest are good to go :)” Now my managers are actually pretty understanding, and again I had completely forgotten that I had scheduled it over fathers day which was definitely on me, but again there was nothing indicating it on the request system either so I figured they would be fine! I work in a bakery so holidays do tend to be busy but...not fathers day. Most people get their dads steak and shit like that, not fruity colorful cakes (although they definitely should). I’ve worked there for nearly 5 years and fathers day has NEVER been especially notable in terms of sales.

So assuming my boss would be cool and help me work something out if I told her, I was like “oh, I actually scheduled surgery for that time.” Again, usually they’re cool and understanding and actually work around you very well.

Well not today! She was kinda just like “yeah?” and stared at me blankly. So kind of taken aback I was like “uh...I’ll see when I can...reschedule it for I guess?” To which she was like “sounds good!”

Now I had picked the days I did specifically because I’m going on a work trip in mid may and won’t be back until the 31st. Fathers day is the 20th of June and I scheduled surgery for the 11th. So I asked her “I won’t be back from the work trip until May 31st and the only other available surgery date was June 4th...instead of my current date y’all think you would be okay with me just...being gone for a whole month? Or back for a couple days between the 31st and 4th just to leave again?” And keep in mind, literally EVERY time I’ve taken time off in the last year, they’ve asked me to either just not do it or have texted or called me trying to beg me to come in. Every. Time. I know this won’t be any different, and I don’t wanna toot my own horn but I do good work and they STRUGGLE when I’m not there which is exactly why I asked this. But of course she was just like “no yeah that’s fine, hell, just take the whole month off!”

It kind of just ended there but the more I thought about it the more pissed I got. Like the schedule is already out until mid may and I’m not ?? prepared for surgery like right now even if that was an option. Then the work trip, and then doing the surgery on the 4th might not even be enough recovery time before the fathers day blackout starts! I’m not gonna be in pain and risk my recovery for that shit! Not to mention doing it after is out of the question since 4th of July follows so soon after and that’s DEFINITELY a much busier holiday for us. I don’t want to keep waiting to fix this problem and the date I picked really is the best option without pushing it out until almost AUGUST when it’s been bothering me since JANUARY. And I do feel bad for scheduling it over a holiday but again I got no indication that it was blacked out! It’s hard enough already to schedule anything longer than 2 weeks without accidentally doing it over a holiday, at least this holiday isn’t all that busy!

Not to mention the fact that that kind of behavior is on brand for her. She acts super nice and like I said is actually really cool and understanding and is totally cool with working with you with this kind of stuff...unless she’s in a bad mood. She’s very much the type to take shit out on us and sometimes she’s super weird and stubborn and vindictive and it’s just dependent on her mood and how shitty she feels like being to you that day. And since she’s a supervisor she just gets away with it. Earlier that day even my bf had texted me like “hey, (supervisor) is in a bad mood jsyk” and when I come in what does she do? Use her authority to be weird to her employees! She’s always been like that and I have stories on stories about her, this just really rubbed me the wrong way.

Anyways this story does actually have a happy ending! I continued my day and had just resolved to having to reschedule surgery and figured I would exact revenge by leaving for my trip and just staying away as long as I possibly could, when my team lead comes RUNNING up to me and goes “oh my god, do NOT reschedule your surgery jfc” and I was like “oh but I can if y’all really need me to?” (I’m too nice) to which she goes “NO!! That’s crazy!!! Thank you for even CONSIDERING doing something like that but no absolutely not. You’re not fucking around at home doing nothing for 2 weeks it’s SURGERY.” And ended the conversation by walking away so that was that lol. I’m very glad one of them actually has some sense.

Oh, and other supervisor came up and did this thing she likes to do when she’s wrong where she doesn’t apologize but DOES find a way to just brush off her wrongdoing. This time she comes up to me later in the day and was like “haha yeah I told (team lead) that you told me the time off request that I denied was actually for surgery and she stopped what she was doing, shook her head, and IMMEDIATELY came up to talk to you lol” like yeah no shit dude?? Oh the team lead was disappointed that you’re being a bitch and had to clean up your mess?? And is also actually reasonable and didn’t expect me to literally cancel getting my body cut open to come work a stupid holiday that’s not even busy? Real shocker lmfao

TLDR boss tried to make me reschedule a much needed surgery bc I scheduled it on blackout days that no one told me were blackout, other boss comes thru and is like “wtf thats fucking crazy please don’t do that jfc”

[amor-immortalem]

Can I Stay Up Here With You Forever ch.8

Previous

Warning(s): Nothing just fluff

If you want to be tagged or if you’re already tagged and wish not to be, please let me know.

Tag list @mediocredetective @it-hurts-when-i-blink @ima-simp-uwu @luckyauthorlampknight

The pair of brothers spent the rest of the night in Mammon’s room. Around dinner time they were joined by the twins who had brought tonight’s dinner. They had decided to eat with their second eldest brother, having heard from Satan who had heard from Lucifer that Mammon had had a particularly rough day at school and figured sharing a hot meal together would be a good way to comfort him. Even Levi stopped by after they had finished eating, bringing plenty of games that he and Mammon enjoyed playing together -along with the appropriate console- after they had first fallen so Levi wouldn’t go feral from his self-isolation.

It felt like they were a proper family once more- light teasing and proper brotherly bickering occurring between the five of them, making sure to keep things at a level that was normal for siblings and a far cry from the vicious words they would throw Mammon’s way. They had all spent so long playing that eventually they had all fallen asleep together on or around Mammon’s couch with Belphie being the first to conk out for the night.

When they all awoke in the morning, Asmo told their brothers about the plan to help Mammon escape to the human world and about how they were going to be uncles.

“Let me go with you,” Beel responded eagerly, “If Lucifer finds out before you guys can get away, my strength will come in handy to buy you all a little time.”

“Beel, as much as I appreciate it, I can’t let you do that ta yourself.” Mammon says, a worried look in his blue and gold eyes. “Ya know what happens if ya stand against our brother’s authority. I mean look at what he did to Belphie when he went against Lucifer and Lord Diavolo over the exchange programme.”

“Yeah, locking me in the attic was a shitty move on his part but still, Lucifer is acting like a fucking tyrant.” Belphegor agreed. “I mean we’re all pretty scared of the monster he’s turning into, but what he’s doing to you is wrong. And we heard about the gaslighting incident at school yesterday. That was really fucked up- and you’re the favorite. Imagine what will happen to us after he finds out.”

The brothers all nodded at that.

“An’ that’s why I don’t want y’all doin’ it.” Mammon said sternly. “You two’re the youngest an’ while yer both strong in yer own right, the two of ya can’t hold a candle ta our brother.”

“What if Satan and I went along with you?” Levi asked, “Sure, Lucifer’s power output is over 9000 but Asmo, Satan, and I should be enough to at least match that for enough time for you and Solomon to get through the portal...”

“That would work.” Asmo nodded as they had a contemplative look on their face. “Actually, we’d stand a better chance if the twins go too.”

“You guys would really do this for me?” The Avatar of Greed looks around the room at all of his brothers before letting out a soft chuckle, “Guess Lucifer was right ‘bout one thing... you guys really do care.” He can’t help the tearful smile that creeps its way onto his features.

“Of course we do. We always did but we never showed it in the way we should have,” the fifth-born threw their arms around their older brother and was soon joined by their other brothers. “I mean we’re the ones who promised we’d change and we went back on that almost immediately.”

“We’re a family and you’re an important part of that too.” The Avatar of Envy says as they all press their foreheads together like they did back in the Celestial Realm before they went to war. “You keep things lively for us.”

“So it’s decided, right?” Beel asks, “We’re really going to do this? Together?”

“Together.” A sixth voice echoes from the upper level as the five of them pull away and turn their attention to Satan. He has a genuine smile on his face as he slides down on the railing of Mammon’s staircase like he used to do as a toddler. “Lucifer’s gone, by the way. Went up to the Demon Lord’s castle for a weekend meeting with Diavolo. If we’re going to make our move, it has to be tomorrow. So, everyone, get packed. I already booked four of us a hotel to stay at so Arella doesn’t have to put us up for however many months it is before the baby’s born. Asmo, you said you’d be staying with Solomon, right?”

“Right,” The Avatar of Lust nods. “Alright everyone, get ready.”

And just like that, the siblings dispersed to go about their packing.

-------------------------------------------------

Arella can’t wait. After hearing of the news from Solomon a few days ago, the excitement started to grow. What she didn’t know was if Mammon had found out if she was pregnant yet. What would his reaction be? Surprise? Excitement? Something else? Anxiety filled her as it had been doing over these past few months so she picks up her D.D.D. that no longer has service and opened up her photo gallery which also had little videos of her and Mammon together.

The sound of his voice is comforting to her. It makes things feel much less lonely in the silent house- even with Aubrie visiting- but it also has the added effect of helping their baby recognize his father’s voice. With the little one showing signs of being able to hear the outside world earlier than expected and hijacking her magic to protect them when he felt frightened, the last thing she needed was the sound of a voice he didn’t recognize setting off one of the many protective spells in her repertoire. His favourite thing to do was erect a magical barrier around them to keep a threat away. Thank heavens normal humans weren’t able to see things like that.

As she selected a video- one of all the brothers and her together at Diavolo’s birthday party last year- she set it on top of the small bump that she had started showing a couple weeks ago. She could feel her son’s powerful little kicks to the side of her womb.

“Easy now, little one. You’re going to cause bruising with kicks like that.” Arella says as she rubs a hand over the front of her belly and she feels a turning sensation shortly after. “You certainly are active this evening. Your Daddy’s coming back to us tomorrow, okay? And five of your uncles as well so don’t be scared when you hear their voices. They won’t hurt you or me. They may be demons but deep down they’re a good lot.”

As the video playing on the D.D.D ended, Arella picked up a children's book and began reading aloud to her unborn child.

“Rells, I’m going to go back to my hotel. Do you need anything before I go?” Aubrie asked as she leaned against the door frame. “I’ll be back tomorrow to help you out before the boys get here- tomorrow is the day, right?”

“I don’t need anything but yes, tomorrow’s the day.” Arella smiles.

“Oh, I bet you’re excited.” The ginger smiles. “Alright, I’ll get going. See you tomorrow.”

Arella only nodded as she watched Aubrie go.

-------------------------------------------------

The House of Lamentation held a slight air of chaos to it this morning due to the brothers running around for last minute packing. They barely had time for breakfast but since Mammon had the least number of items to pack, he was voted for breakfast duty while Satan covered dish duty. Today’s breakfast: Pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon. As everyone sat down to eat, there was constant chatter about things they would do while up in the mortal realm during the months they would be staying.

While they were cleaning up, Solomon made his appearance. Asmo welcomed him with a hug as they quickly pulled the sorcerer along to Mammon’s room to get him so they could go. They both watch as he doesn’t react to their entrance instead seeming lost in his thoughts as he runs his thumb over an old, worn piece of grimm. Not even calling his name was enough to pull him from his zoned-out state. It wasn’t until Solomon placed a careful hand on the second-born's shoulder that Mammon looked up at them.

“Are you ready to go?” Solomon asks with a smile.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” The demon returns the smile, “Whenever everyone else is ready...”

Soon the rest of the brothers join them and it's time to go. Everyone grabs their bags or suitcases and load them up in the van that had been rented for them. Solomon was in charge of driving them to their destination.

-------------------------------------------------

Next

Find more on my Masterlist

[rosesvioletshardy]

i’m sorry - b.h

hi another imagine that was requested that took me forever to write and finish

not sure what this is but hopefully y’all like it because there were nights where i just stayed up staring at it hoping that i can think of something to write so yeah

masterlist

warnings: yelling?, angst

# of words: 2,916

--

Dating someone who was almost 10 years older than you and famous felt like a weird experience. Y/N wasn’t really used to it after dating for two years already since the biggest age gap she had with someone was someone who was only a year older than her. She was quiet and reserved and was sometimes sensitive, especially when someone raised their voice at her, which was why her last relationship didn’t work out.

 There were times where she felt like there was something wrong in their relationship because of how sometimes he would avoid her and sometimes would cancel dates and blow her off. She understood that he wanted to hang out with his friends at some points since he doesn’t get to see them that often especially when he has to leave for another country for filming. They did go on dates every now and then and would make sure to let the other know beforehand if they were to cancel it so they could reschedule. 

Recently Ben has been home for a few months and this was the longest he has been home that didn’t involve filming, even if it was in London since most of the time he had to stay on set in his trailer. He missed pretty much everyone in his life currently but the one thing he missed a little bit more was hanging out with his friends. He knew that wasn’t the best thing to think about or ever miss when he has a girlfriend but he hasn’t gotten or had a proper guys night out in a while with them and he wanted to do something with them again and act like teenagers. 

It was still early in the morning which meant that he had enough time to fit in a workout and lounge around before he went off at night. When he woke up, he felt the bed empty next to him which  meant that Y/N had gone to work and wouldn’t see him until he left for the night. He really did love her and wouldn’t know what he would without her. Ben loved her kind nature, how she always put others first before herself which he hated sometimes because he felt that there were times where she needed to focus on herself but she didn’t know how to sometimes. He didn’t do much that afternoon since there wasn’t that much to do. He went for a run, made breakfast, talked to Y/N, cleaned up around a bit. Ben knew he shouldn’t have been working while on a break from filming but he couldn’t help but start writing a screenplay he just started thinking of.

Hours have passed and it was now the evening which meant he was finishing getting ready for the night as his girlfriend walked into their apartment carrying a few take out bags as she kicked off her heels by the door and walking to the kitchen to set everything down before going to their room and finding him sitting on their bed putting shoes on all dressed up.

“Hey babe” she told him giving him a kiss on the lips as he got up almost towering over her

“Hey baby, how was work?’’ ben asked her as he got up and looked at himself in the mirror one more time before he left

“How long do you think I would go to jail for murdering someone for constantly annoying me?”

“Work was that bad?”

“Yeah, I was hoping that a certain someone will help make my night better as we eat the takeout I brought and watch someone movies while drinking some nice wine. Why are you all dressed up?” she asked looking up at him when she wrapped her arms around him

“I was going to go out with some mates since I haven’t gotten a proper chance to hang out with them in a while”

“Oh-” Y/N said feeling a bit disappointed

“You alright?” he asked her when he hear the disappointment in her voice

“Yeah, yeah i was just hoping to spend some time with my boyfriend after a shitty day at work, but you want to go out. It’s fine” she said pulling away and starting to change out of her work clothes

“Are you mad that i want to spend some time out with mates after not seeing them for a long time?” ben questioned her as he pulled away from her

“No, you can hang out with them. I was just hoping that I got to spend the rest of the night with my boyfriend after a shitty day at work and do nothing.” she defensively told him 

“I haven’t seen my friends in who knows how long because I’m either always away and working or they have their own lives and work, and if I do it’s never for a long time too. I always spend all my fucking free time with you. I don’t even remember the last time I just got to relax and hang out with them and just be one of the fucking guys!” he told her raising his voice a bit

“You had three fucking weeks to hang out with them and you chose today! I know none of them were that busy and neither were you in those weeks!” she called out back at him

“GOD! ARE YOU REALLY DOING THIS NOW? ACTING LIKE I CAN’T HAVE A FUCKING LIFE OUTSIDE OF ACTING? OUTSIDE OF DOING MY FUCKING JOB? I’VE KNOWN THEM SINCE I WAS A KID! I’VE KNOWN YOU FOR ONLY 2 FUCKING YEARS” he yelled at her raising his voice causing her to take a step back and flinch as he raised his voice, turning red as the veins in his neck began to stand out and his jaw clenched while tears began to escape her eyes

“No. you’re right. I’m sorry, go and have fun.” she sneered at him

“You know what I will.” he pointed a finger at her, then grabbing his keys and storming out of the room leaving her alone. The slam of the front door caused her to flinch as she soon broke down, falling down to the floor, with her back against their bed crying.

Ben on the other hand couldn’t focus at all when he left. The entire time he was driving to the pub, his jaw was clenched as one hand gripped the steering wheel tightly thinking about the scene that happened before he left and the thought and pulled into the lot of the pub. When he entered, he quickly spotted his friends and walked over to them before greeting them. Once they got their drinks, they began to catch up with each other and chat about everything that’s recently happened in their lives. Ben was distracted and couldn’t focus on what they were talking about and would just mindlessly drink his beer, zoned out and not paying attention as to the conversation that was happening between him and his friends. They all noticed that he was quieter than usual and wasn’t partaking in their conversation

“Jonesy? You a’right mate?” josh asked him which made ben snap out of his thoughts 

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. ‘M just thinking.” 

“Everything alright between you and Y/N?” sam asked him taking a swing of his beer

“Everything’s fine between us. Now what were you talking ‘bout?” Ben asked them wanting to avoid the question not wanting to bother them with his relationship problems. All his friends could do was just look at each other and know he was lying from the way he was avoiding the question. Just because he was a trained actor doesn’t mean he’s a good liar at all. 

“Bullshit. Tell us what’s really wrong. Is it Y/N?” they kept asking him before he snapped

“Fine! Yes it is about her.” he told them as they listened closely

“She came home from work late and told me she had one of the worst days because of something her boss and coworker did. Then she mentioned how she wanted to just spend the rest of the night with me just eating take out and watching movies but I had already made plans with you lot and then it got worse. She explained to me everything and how we had three weeks to hang out but we never did and how you weren’t all busy to do so. But um, um, I may or may not have ended up yelling, “I’ve known them since I was a kid” and “i’ve known you for 2 years” at that is what brings us here.” ben told them all as they just stared at him and all he could do was nod 

“Yeah so that’s how my night has been.” he finished off with drowning the pint of beer in front of him

“You’re so screwed mate.”

“Yeah she probably hates you by now.”

“You think I don't know that?!” ben said irritated and slightly raising his voice before taking a deep breath

“Look, what you need to do right now is you need to go to tesco, buy some flowers, some chocolates, her favorite bottle of wine, and go back to your flat and apologize. That’s pretty much all you can do because yelling, especially with what you said, is just a big yikes mate.” sam told him

“Yeah, yeah i know. I guess I should be going then, if it’s going to close soon.” ben told them laying down some money and getting out of his seat

“Alright, i’ll talk to you all later” he finished as he put his coat back on

“Right, see you” his friends told him as he walked out to the uber he called earlier 

The drive to Tesco was quiet, seeing that his thoughts consumed him as he thought about the past 2 years he and Y/N were together. Within those two years, he has never raised his voice at her and the only time they yelled at each other was if they were messing around and playing. Yeah they had fights but never this serious. He was soon knocked out of his thoughts when the driver called out his name. Ben thanked him and got out, and entered the store.

He already knew what he was going to be getting since he was used to getting them for Y/N whenever she was on her period and didn’t go to the store. The only problem he was having was that he was debating on whether what kind of bouquet of flowers he should get her. A simple bouquet or a huge one seeing about how bad he fucked up. Deciding to go with the big one, he quickly made his way over the wine aisle and grabbed the most expensive but good one he could find before going to get some candy.

When he got all he needed, he went to the register, the older woman can tell that he did something bad by looking at everything he bought for Y/N and wished him luck once she finished ringing everything up. He wished her a goodnight and left the store and headed back to their flat hoping that she would forgive him. 

“Alright ben. This is it. You can just go in there, find her, and apologize while giving her everything. You didn’t mean to yell at her and you regret it. If you can get naked in front of people for a play, you can confront your girlfriend and admit your mistakes.” he said to himself as he stood outside their front door trying to calm himself down. 

He took one more deep breath before opening the door to find it completely silent and dark. Frankie didn’t even come to greet him which meant she was probably with Y/N. He set his keys down, remembering that he needed to pick up his car the next day when he was sober, and walked to their shared room. When he got there, he softly knocked on the door and got no answer. Ben waited a few seconds before knocking again and tried to turn the handle to find it was locked. Letting out a sigh and sat down, his back against the door and began to talk. 

“Y/N? Love? I don’t know if you’re asleep by now or if you’re still awake but i wanted to say I’m sorry. I was being a terrible boyfriend and decided to go out rather than be with you. I didn’t mean to yell at you and if i’m being honest i don’t know why i did it. I completely regret it because I know how someone raising their voice makes you and it made me feel terrible afterwards.” ben started  

“What I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry, is that you have every right to be mad at me and can shut me off for as long as you want. Um, I got you some things I’d thought you’d enjoy and another way of saying “I’m Sorry” so, I’ll just leave them here. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight” he finished getting up and heading to the living room to lay down

Y/N was awake listening to everything he had said and she felt bad but not as bad as he did from when he yelled at her. She heard him set everything down and get up and listen as his footsteps grew quieter. Frankie laying beside her, Y/N scratched her ears and began to talk

“He feels really bad about it, huh franks?” she asked knowing that she wasn’t going to get an answer from a dog

“Same here. I should’ve just let him go without saying anything. Shouldn’t have said anything in general.”

“Don’t look at me like that, let’s just go see what he bought.”

Y/N got out of their bed and walked over to the door and opened it to find her favorite sweets, a bottle of really expensive wine, and some of her favorite flowers. She noticed the note inside the flowers that she noticed had his handwriting listing some of his favorite things about her. She couldn’t help but smile at the thought of him a little tipsy writing everything down, but she knew that whenever he’s even the tiniest drunk he becomes a little clingy with the people around him before he lets loose. Walking down the hallway, she walked past all of the photos of her and Ben throughout the years and couldn’t help but smile. Some people thought it was weird that the two of you had pictures hung up since you weren’t married and some of them were just the two of them being themselves and messing around. 

Y/N got to the living and saw his sleeping figure on the couch. She couldn’t tell if he was actually sleeping or if he just had his eyes closed. Walking into the kitchen, Y/N put the flowers in a vase with water and put the wine and chocolates onto the kitchen table before walking over to where Ben was. She admired him and everything he did for her. Ben felt someone staring at him and opened his eyes to find Y/N smiling at him.

“Hey.” she whispered

“Hey” he answered back. It was quiet between the two of them for a moment as he sat up 

“Listen, before you say anything I want to tell you that yelling at you, especially like that, was one of the worst things I could possibly do. Especially when I knew how you would react. You were right. I had weeks to hang out with them and you came home feeling the worst. I should’ve canceled or rescheduled and stayed home with you, especially when you had a bad day.” he said all in one breath

“Ben, no it’s my fault. You’ve known them since you were teens and it makes sense that because you weren’t filming that you would want to go out and just be a normal person and feel like a teenager again. I spent all those weeks with you and it made sense that you would want to go out.” Y/N told him as ben shook his head trying to justify his argument and blame himself 

“No. it’s entirely my fault. I yelled and it got out of hand. I don’t want to argue with you about it now or ever about these kinds of things ever. Please. Now i just want to spend the rest of this night with my girlfriend and let her talk about her shitty day at work and how much she hates her boss and coworkers. It’s what she deserves and I need to make up for what I did to her.”  he told her, pulling her into his arms as he buried his face into her neck as she went into his chest.

“Well then, there’s a really expensive bottle of wine this guy bought for me and some take out and I think we should open it and eat.” he said, staring into her eyes “I think the guy must be crazy in love for him to buy an expensive wine only for it to be paired with take out and chocolates” Y/N told him giving him a peck

“Yeah, he really is crazy in love and he doesn’t regret it one bit”

[lawgrain]

Scrapped Chapter: Spiteful

Soooo explanation for context, this is something I originally had written for spiteful (an anon asked about it recently <3333). I felt it was a tad too forgiving and took it out and that vaguely kills me but oh well. This takes place when Bakugou still doesn’t have his hearing aids. As it has been scrapped, I’m not sure how well I edited it. I also can’t say whether or not I might end up recycling any of its contents. Buuuuttt it’s he for y’all to enjoy regardless <333 

Chapter 24: A Notebook Chat

Kirishima felt the rug pulled from under him the moment he heard Bakugou’s mother threaten his former friend. Everything was so wrong and he couldn’t keep up. It started with their argument. It was so intense and unlike anything Kirishima could compare it to. He expected the woman to be more yelly and he guessed she might be sometimes, but not at that time. Instead she was… dangerous.

He could never imagine either of his mothers being like that and yet there was a woman in the room that felt like a threat to her son. Kirishima couldn’t comprehend what was happening and then Bakugou’s mother hurt him. And that couldn’t have been his friend's life.

Bakugou couldn’t be used to this because Kirishima would’ve noticed. He would’ve noticed if his friend was being beat at home. He had to have noticed. He just had to.

Then he thought back on it and he didn’t know if he would have. He didn’t know if he had ever asked about his friends mother or father. He hadn’t even noticed that Bakugou randomly ate somewhere outside of the cafeteria before the class started to shun him. He didn’t know a thing. All he knew was that he had liked Bakugou for his manliness.

And what did he even know about manliness anymore? He had been so mad at himself for finding Bakugou manly even after he had heard about how he had bullied Midoriya. And now he had watched Bakugou being told to kill himself and not even flinch. Unlike Midoriya, he had heard them from his mother. He had been hit by his mother.

He still thought it was wrong to say those words to Midoriya, but now Kirishima wondered if there was any way for Bakugou to have known that when he had said it. Was there a way for Bakugou to have known it was wrong to hurt people? Whoever that woman was surely didn’t teach him. Did Bakugou have anyone who told him that it was wrong? More importantly, Kirishima thought, did it matter?

Should Bakugou’s background matter when the class turned on him? Would they have reacted the way they did if they had known? It shouldn’t matter if Bakugou’s mother was a saint or a troll, they shouldn’t have treated him like that. He shouldn’t have treated him like that.

Kirishima knew he hadn’t actively partook in anything against Bakugou. He knew he wasn’t as adamantly against him like Uraraka was or throwing insults like Jirou. He didn’t approve of Kaminari’s antics to set off the 1-A timebomb. He didn’t do any of that but he still felt bad. He did nothing. He hadn't even tried to do anything.

The only thing was, well Bakugou was wrong. Bakugou might not have known any better at the time but even today, he still treated Midoriya horribly, he still threw around insults, he still treated people like they were “extras”. And Kirishima wouldn’t ignore that but he also could no longer ignore that the rest of the class was doing the same to Bakugou. So no matter what his opinion about Bakugou was, one thing was clear. He had to apologize to Bakugou Katsuki.

The same Bakugou Katsuki who had an explosive temper and obviously hated Kirishima now.

He didn’t know how he was going to be able to do that but he knew it wouldn’t be easy. He was almost thankful when Aizawa asked Kirishima to take notes for Bakugou. He couldn’t help but feel a pang when the teacher asked the favor. Apparently, Aizawa wasn’t aware that the two hadn’t really spoken. He seemed to think Kirishima was the closest to Bakugou when in truth, Kirishima didn’t know if Bakugou had anyone on his side. Along with that request, Aizawa had asked him and the other students who had witnessed Bakugou get hit, to respect Bakugou’s privacy and not share the events with the rest of the class. Kirishima knew that none of them had a desire to spread around what had happened there.

Later when Kirishima gave Bakugou his notes, he felt himself literally flinch away from Bakugou’s aggression. Kirishima figured it was well earned but that didn’t make standing in front of Bakugou’s door any easier. And knocking on that door was terrifying.

Until he realized that there was no way Bakugou would’ve been able to hear the knock and there was a doorbell thing right there for him to press. He felt like an idiot and he hadn’t even talked to Bakugou yet.

He held his notepad and pen waiting for Bakugou to open the door. When the door swung open it revealed a vaguely pissed off looking Bakugou who just raised a questioning eyebrow. Kirishima turned around his notepad with a prewritten question on it.

K: Can we talk?

Bakugou read it before answering out loud, “The fuck you want to talk about?”

Kirishima didn’t even consider that Bakugou would still be able to talk, nevertheless scrambled to write down an answer.

K: I want to apologize and ask you how you’ve been.

“Apology received. I’m fine. Good now?” Bakugou kept his words short and Kirishima could feel how unwelcome he was. He still had to try though. He wouldn’t leave this how it was and wrote another word onto the paper.

K: Please?

Bakugou sighed before grumbling,“Just get in.” He widened the door and Kirishima hastened to enter. Once in, Bakugou continued his speaking, “What did you actually want?”

K: I really do want to apologize.

“I don’t want your pity,” Bakugou responded upon reading the words.

It wasn’t that. Or at least Kirishima didn’t think he felt pity. On some level he probably felt bad for Bakugou but that wasn’t why he was there. So that’s what he tried to write.

K: It’s not that. It’s just I think you were right. We’ve all been acting horrible.

“Tch,”

K: I know but, can you give me time to write this out?

Bakugou looked unimpressed with the request but gestured for him to continue. Kirishima had to think about what he was going to write carefully. Eventually he just decided to wing it. He was already taking too long and Bakugou didn’t care for pretty words.

K: I still think what you said to Midoriya was shit. But I think I may have just traded one shit action for another. What we’ve been doing isn’t any better and I wanted to apologize for it. I shouldn’t be letting them say those sort of things to you and I’m sorry that I have.

Bakugou took a whole lot less time reading it then Kirishima took for writing it. Bakugou scoffed. “Just realize you’re all hypocrite assholes? Don’t care.”

“Please Bakugou, I just-” Kirishima started before cutting himself off, realizing his words were literally falling on deaf ears. He picked up his pen again

K: I get it. I screwed up.

“I don’t fucking care if you screwed up. Everyone screws up,” Bakuou’s voice was biting. “I don’t want your shitty ass apology. If you feel guilty, get over it.”

Kirishima felt a flush of indignation. He wanted to argue back. All he was trying to do was apologize and Bakugou wouldn’t even listen to it. Did he want Kirishima to grovel, because he wouldn’t. He bit his tongue though. He was there to apologize because he screwed up. He might be getting mad but he’d own up to doing something. So he gripped his pen tightly before writing again.

K: I let you get bullied an-

Bakugou snatched the notebook from him, tossing it away. Kirishima flinched. “What the hell is this? Sorry people are pricks? Sorry you went along with it? Guess what asshole, I did the same stuff in middle school. Don’t think you know shit just because you saw the hag hit me. Nothing’s changed.”

Both boys froze for a moment. He realized where he went wrong. It wasn’t that Bakugou wanted him to grovel, it was that he was under the impression that the apology was ingenuine. He thought Kirishima was only apologizing because he saw what his mother was like. Carefully, Kirishima went to pick up his notebook to reply.

K: Your mom is terrible but you’re right, that changes nothing. Even if you had an awesome mom, I made a bad choice.

Kirishima handed the notebook over for Bakugou to read and watched for his reaction. The other teen was unpredictable and Kirishima was beginning to see he didn’t have a grasp on what was going through his head. Before everything had seemed so much easier. Bakugou read the note with a resigned sigh and pushed his head into his hands.

“Fine. Whatever,” Bakugou said after a moment sounding tired, but lifted his head up. “Apology accepted. Happy now?”

Not really.

Kirishima thought he understood Bakugou’s initial rejection of the apology now. He still felt the same. He still felt like nothing was fixed. Even with the apology and with the acceptance, there was too much being left unsaid. Kirishima would still have to leave the room with nothing changed. He meant the apology but it didn’t change anything and Kirishima was not leaving the room like this.

K: No

Bakugou rolled his eyes, already reading what he was writing. Kirishima hesitated before writing his next words. It was… it felt like a risk.

K: I want to go back to how it was before. But I don’t understand. I don’t get why you would treat someone like that. I don’t get why you think that it is okay to bully someone.

“Who the fuck said I think bullying is okay?” Bakugou exclaimed, confused. Kirishima was also confused. Did Bakugou not know he still treated Midoriya like shit.

K: You kinda bully Midoriya. And call everyone names?

“Tch,” Backugou scoffed. “Telling me you cared when I called you Shitty Hair, Kirishima?”

Kirishima floundered. He hadn’t thought about it until Bakugou just used his real name like an insult. Now that he thought about it, no he hadn’t. He never took it seriously before he had started thinking of Bakugou as a bully. If anything it was a playful tease that gave them an excuse to tease him right back with pranks and nicknames of their own. But that still left out one thing. Instead of rewriting the question, Kirishima underlined the part about Midoriya and added more question marks.

“All I do is tell him to piss off. Creep doesn’t listen.”

That answered nothing.

K: You yell at him and hate him and he does nothing

“Don’t fucking assume things.” Bakugou’s eyes were fiery. “I yell at him, I hate him. He doesn’t back off.”

Bakugou was shaking with anger. His entire body tensed and he looked like a cornered animal backed into a corner. Kirishima wondered for the first time if he perhaps missed something about Bakugou and Kirishima.

“Okay, okay,” Kirishma spoke out loud, hoping the other would understand and calm down. Bakugou looked barely appeased but he no longer looked about to lash out. So Kirishima approached the topic agai.

K: Okay. I got it but you still can’t bully him

“Fuckin-” Bakugou started exasperated. “Did any of you fucking extras ever seen me bully him? Because if you did then I didn’t know you went to our middle school.”

Kirishima… What? Kirishima did not compute. Did Bakugou mean he wasn’t all of the still thought it was okay to treat people like crap. Bakugou picked up on his confusion.

“Dipshit. Y’all ever see me say shit to him when he leaves me alone?”

No but… Bakugou still said shit whenever he did speak to him. That was still a thing. Kirishima shook his head as an answer to Bakugou.

“Exactly. Freak leaves me alone then there’s no problem.”

Kirishima still didn’t compute. Did that mean if Midoriya stopped caring about Bakugou everything would’ve been okay? How did any of this make sense? It couldn’t be as simple as that. Kirishima could admit that Bakugou probably wasn’t a bully to anyone in the class before this had happened. He was gruff, foul mouthed, and rude but he didn’t go around trying to make people feel bad about themselves. But the idea that he could consider his harsher tone towards Midoriya as provoked… That hadn’t even occurred to Kirishima as an option.

But when had he seen Bakugou seek Midoriya out just for the sake of being cruel? A fat whopping never, is when. The only times that were close was when the two were forced together or being compared. But then, why did Midoriya keep seeking Bakugou out? It was such an obvious pattern; Midoriya engages Bakugou, Bakugou says “fuck off”, they argue. Come to think of it, they had even asked Midoriya about it once. He just said he was worried. And while Kirishima didn’t think that was bad, it was really weird that Midoriya would still seek out Bakugou like that. It only caused more problems to worry about. There was something not adding up about everything. He couldn’t place what though.

K: Am I missing something here?

Bakugou let out a bitter laugh. “A lot of somethings. And none of it’s your business.”

K: Let me get this straight though, you won’t be mean to Midoriya as long as he leaves you be?

“I’m mean to everybody fucker,” Backugou snipped. “But I guess. Just don’t like the shitstain anywhere near me.”

Kirishima considered this. Okay, he could let this go. He could accept that he didn’t know what was going on between Midoriya and Bakugou. He had gotten what he needed to know; Bakugou wasn’t a bully anymore. Bakugou made some messed up choices and he was aware of it. And there was something really weird going on between Bakugou and Midoriya that Kirishima was not about to understand any time soon. And while Bakugou would probably still blow up at Midoriya, it seemed as if it was a dual effort.

K: So… You met a cat at Ground Beta?

“Get the fuck out.”

With that, Kirishima laughed knowing things were going to be okay. He just didn’t know all of what was to happen before things could truly be “okay”.

[kimvvantae]

puzzle; 6 (m)

➜  you and jungkook are best friends of a lifetime, even though your personalities are like unmatching pieces of a puzzle. the line between friendship and something more has never been crossed between you two - but that changes after a break up and a drunken night, when you not-so-accidentally cross this line to something much more. what happens when after this accident your non-matching puzzle pieces seem to match in a way you’ve never imagined?

pairing: jungkook x (f) reader

genre: smut, angst, comedy; friends with benefits au; college au

warnings: lots of swearing, unprotected sex (use condoms y’all kids)

rating: 18+

word count: 13k wooohoooooo

A/N: i listened to the same 4 songs over and over again while writing and i think it kind of sets the mood for this chapter so hm if you guys like listening to music while reading here goes a small playlist:

Jungkook - If you (read the lyrics pls)

Whitesnake - Is This Love

BTS - Jamais Vu

Sam Smith - Lay Me Down

enjoy!

➜  Chapters: check up masterlist in bio!

« playlist »

“You’re acting weird.”

You finally look up when you hear this, just to see Hoseok frowning at you.

“I’m not.” You’re quick to say, shrugging.

“You’re really acting weird. Is everything okay?” Hoseok insists, crossing his arms.

Hoseok is not what bothers you the most, though, but another pair of eyes watching you like a hawk.

Jimin knows why you’re acting weird. Since that day at Joy’s house, he has been staring at you like this constantly - half judging, half worried. 

It’s very annoying, to be honest.

“I’m just… a little bit stressed.” You admit, shrugging again. Fortunately, Hoseok isn’t as observant as Jimin, so he seems convinced.

“So, what did you guys want?” You ask, changing the topic. They came after you in the cafeteria while you have lunch after all.

“Ah! I almost forgot,” Hoseok starts. “You quit your job at the coffee shop, right?”

“Yes. It was way too stressful and my boss was a bitch.” You huff. 

“So you’ll be free this weekend?” He asks. You nod, but if he’s about to invite you to a party or something, you’re ready to say no. “The thing is, you know that me and Jimin have this job as waiters, right? There’s a wedding this weekend and they’re needing staff. So, if you’re interested, you can come with us on Saturday night. The payment is decent and it’s just easy stuff to do.”

Your mood lightens up at this. “Yeah, sure! I’ll go. I really need money right now.”

Hoseok smiles and claps his hands together. “Alright! I’ll send you all the information later. They’ll give you a uniform, so don’t worry about clothes. I have to go now. Bye!”

He leaves.

Jimin stays.

You just keep eating quietly, Jimin’s heavy gaze on you, until you finally get annoyed.

“Jimin, what do you want?” You cross your arms and glare back.

Jimin slowly quirks one eyebrow. “Won’t you ask me if Jungkook’s going?”

“Why would I ask if he’s going or not?”

“Because you guys aren’t talking anymore.”

“Thank you so much for reminding me of this, Jimin." 

He realised that he went a little too far just by seeing your clenched jaw and the anger in your eyes. Jimin sighs and shrugs. "Anyways, yes, Jungkook is going. But not to work as a waiter, he’ll take pictures instead.”

“So what?" 

Jimin swipes his hand over his face and shakes his head as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing. "I think you’re so stupid. Both of you. My fucking God.”

“You know what, Jimin? That’s none of your business.” You finally get up and take the tray rather roughly, walking away without looking back.

Maybe you were a little too rude with Jimin, but he’s being unbearable these days. 

It’s been one month since that day at Joy’s house - one month since you and Jungkook have been avoiding each other like the plague.

And maybe you were a little too rude with him because deep down, you know he’s right.

As usual.

tae: wyd?? 👀👀

you: working

tae: ??? didn’t u quit ur job

you: yea

you: it’s one night thing

you: i need the 💸💸

tae: oh

tae: ok

tae: i’ll ask later then

you: wAIT

you: ask what??????

tae: later

tae: u should work first~

you: but im curious

you: i can’t work if im curious >:(

tae: 🙊

you: tae????

you: taeeeeeeee

you: TAEHYUNG

He doesn’t reply anymore.

You groan, shoving your phone on your back pocket again, and leave the restroom. The guests hadn’t arrived yet since the wedding ceremony is still ongoing, but the kitchen is already a mess: people yelling orders, the delicious scent of good food in the air, cooks cooking (duh) and waiters getting ready. The boss has already given you the last instructions, but it’s not as if working in an event like this is a difficult task: serve the guests, smile, be polite, walk around the hall, try not to break the crystal glasses that cost more than what you can pay.

The hotel is pretty fancy, actually. You were expecting a smaller wedding. Not that this is a problem, of course. The only problem here are the heels that all women are forced to use; it’s not too high, but walking around endlessly the whole night in these will be painful for sure. The rest of the uniform is that standard - black pants, white button shirt, black vest and bow tie, hair tied in a perfect high bun, simple makeup. 

You walk to the hall to make the last adjustments in the decoration. Pretty much everything is in place, so there isn’t much to do. The tables are organized, the floor is pristinely clean, the white flower bouquets are in place. A DJ will be in charge of music tonight.

You stand at the back of the hall, almost hidden, just to check your phone once more; no new texts. Now, you can’t stop thinking about what Taehyung wants to ask. He knows you’d get all curious. You and Taehyung have grown closer these days: late phone calls, endless texts, random memes at random times. You hadn’t gone on a proper date yet, though - and you don’t think you want to.

Taehyung is a nice guy and a good friend, but you don’t want to take things to the next level - even though this seems to be Taehyung’s intention since the beginning. He has been insisting in you for quite a long time now meanwhile all you do is keep a certain distance. You didn’t really give him any real hopes yet and you’re afraid that Taehyung might be reading your actions in the wrong way. Truth be told, it’ll be so shitty of you to keep his hopes high when you won’t go anywhere with this.

Your feelings are all messed up. 

Because you shouldn’t even be feeling anything in the first place.

Ironically, you’ve never been friends with benefits with anyone before. You did have some fuck buddies in the past, though - but you were never friends with any of them. You never got involved with any of your actual friends. Sure, there was that night when drunk-you and drunk-Jimin made out at a party (you don’t talk about it), but at that time, you had just joined college and neither you nor Jungkook were close to Jimin yet, so it doesn’t really count. Also, you and Jimin never had sex - you just kissed, nothing more.

But of course dumb you had to be friends with benefits with your best fucking friend. Of course you had to destroy your friendship like that. Everyone knows that sex is a friendship destroyer. Everyone!

One month without Jungkook felt like being in the desert without rain. You have good friends, but none of them are that special person that’s somehow able to read you mind and understand you even if you don’t say anything. None of them know the type of meme you’d laugh at, none of them sent you random snaps at random times of the day. Worst of all - you didn’t watch Endgame together, when you’ve been watching every Marvel film together ever since you both started obsessing over heroes years ago. Every. Single. Marvel. Film.

You didn’t get to see Jungkook crying during the last scenes of Endgame. Jimin didn’t say if he cried or not, but you know he cried.

That’s devastating.

Truth be told, you don’t even miss sex. Sure, you and Jungkook are the perfect match in bed, and you caught yourself masturbating at night wishing it were Jungkook’s fingers inside of you instead (touching yourself has never been so depressing), but what you actually miss to the point it hurts your chest are the small, familiar things. The comfortable silence. The funny banter. Going to Burger King together late at night after a party or when none of you want to cook. Showing each other funny videos or discussing about the latest chapter of the manga you’re both reading. Jungkook ignoring your texts for hours because he’s too focused on playing Overwatch. You even miss the way he never lets you eat the last slice of pizza, goddammit.

You simply miss him.

What leads you to another thought - something that has been growing stronger in your mind.

After days of self denial, you finally admitted that you were jealous of Jungkook and Joy.

There’s no other explanation for the way you acted that day at her house. You were mad that she was touching him and getting too close. That’s weird. You’ve never really been the jealous type. You never minded when people tried to flirt with Jungkook.

You’re not jealous of friends.

Even so, you had a jealousy attack and didn’t rest until Jungkook’s attention was yours again.

Being totally honest with yourself, you’ve been jealous of Joy ever since you found out she was interested in him.

…what the fuck?

Something inside of you have changed, and only now you’re brave enough to admit. Somewhere along the road, you stopped seeing Jungkook as just a friend. He’s currently in that blurry and confusing level - not only a friend, but at the same time, not more than a friend. You don’t know what the fuck he is anymore.

More importantly… do you want to be more than friends?

If you and Jungkook make up, will you be able to go back to what it was - just friends?

Or are you just being possessive? Did you start seeing him in a different way just because you realized you’re about to lose him?

You don’t know the answer to none of those questions. What you know at the moment is that being away from him fucking hurts. You have the same friends, go to the same places, study at the same university, but barely see each other anymore. What’s that thing people say? You just start valuing things after you lose them.

Jimin asked you not to play with Jungkook’s feelings. What he doesn’t know, though, is that you’re so confused about yours that you don’t have time to play with his feelings.

When you realize the guests are about to come, you force your brain to focus on your current task. You stand back with the rest of the waiters as, slowly, the elegant guests get into the hall, sitting at their respective tables, and soon the place is filled with conversation, laughter and music. 

After everyone took their places, the main couple finally come.

The lights change. The DJ plays a special song. Guests stand up and applaud when they enter the hall, smiling, and walk to the center to have their first dance as a married couple.

You could have noticed how the bride’s dress was beautiful. You could have noticed how her front teeth was dirty with lipstick and how the groom tried to discreetly tell her about this. You could have even noticed how one of the kids was starting to have a tantrum and his mother half-screamed, half-whispered, if you don’t be quiet you’ll be grounded for one month!

But you don’t notice any of that, because the photographer enters the hall right after the couple does.

Your heart flutters in a funny way.

Jungkook is wearing a suit (you don’t even remember the last time you saw him in a suit); black and simple, but it fits him so well. He isn’t much different from all the other man, except for his long hair - his black hair is so long he can probably tie it now - and his ear piercings. He holds his camera to eye level, capturing every moment he can from the couple’s first dance, a backpack with other tools hanging from his shoulder. 

Everyone else is focusing on the couple - but you can’t look at anything else but him.

He looks so handsome and focused and hot and-

Hey, you’re here to work!, you remind yourself angrily, shaking your head and walking back to the kitchen.

Drink after drink, tray after tray - you and the other waiters and waitresses walk around the hall to serve the guests. It’s not a difficult work, but still tiring nevertheless. It’s also hard to balance yourself and the trays with these high heels. Soon, you’re immersed in the work and momentarily forget about everything else, although (unconsciously) you try to avoid being seen by a specific someone.

Time passes by and the party goes on. Parents make heartfelt speeches, everyone cries. The DJ plays popular songs and soon the dancefloor is full. Alcohol already starts to get into their heads. Men are either speaking and laughing too loud or crying, hugging the groom. Women already forgot their high heels and their elegance, twerking shamelessly and screaming. Kids do the usual - run, yell, fall and cry - and they almost throw you on the ground twice. Someone spills champagne on the floor; you rush to clean it before someone ends up slipping. There’s the eventual noise of glass breaking. A certain dude has asked for your help far too much and you start to avoid him, noticing that he’s staring at your ass. Another guest pukes and is taken to the infirmary. As usual, you hear old women complaining about the food, how the decoration is ugly, how one waiter was rude, how the DJ doesn’t play the songs they want-

“The photographer is so hot! What’s his name?!” You hear someone giggling.

You gulp.

Jungkook is just doing his job, but that boy can’t go unnoticed, not even when he tries. You don’t know if he saw you yet, and honestly, you hope he didn’t.

Just do your job. Just do your job.

The night goes on. Your left foot hurts and you need to pee, but gladly most of the guests have already left - the groom and bride left first and the party went on without them -, the hall is almost empty, which means it’s almost ending. Now, you busy yourself with cleaning the hall.

“Man, I’m dead,” Hoseok groans, stretching his back. You nod, putting some empty glasses on a tray to take them back to the kitchen.

“Now imagine bearing it all in heels,” you say, not being able to keep your nice posture anymore. Not that there are many guests anyway - most are too drunk or sleeping on the tables. The DJ is still diligently playing, though. 

“The night was productive after all,” Jimin chirps happily, approaching you two with a smug  grin on his lips. You see he’s holding a small paper between his fingers… someone’s phone number.

“Son of a bitch,” you say under your breath. Jimin just shrugs and smirks. Much obviously, you apologized for your rudeness before you came. The fact that he forgave you so easily made everything worse, honestly. Jimin is a nice guy with his friends (way too nice for his own good sometimes) and it just shows how he doesn’t deserve to be treated in a rude way.

“I’m just taking the chances life gives me!” He chirps again, making you roll your eyes.

“Anyways, what’s wrong with Jungkook?” Hoseok wonders, crossing his arms and frowning. “He didn’t come over the entire night. Is he avoiding us?”

You gulp.

Instantly, your eyes travel to where he stands in the nearly-empty dance floor. He smiles politely to some women that stand around him. Everyone’s obviously too drunk and they’re probably talking nonsense.

He’s avoiding me, you realize sadly. 

“He’s working, Hoseok. His job won’t end if the guests keep asking for pictures.” Jimin is quick to say, what indeed makes sense, but Jimin also knows very well why he has been keeping his distance. Hoseok is the only one that doesn’t notice the strange tension in the air.

When you notice you’ve been staring for an embarrassing long time, you immediately shift your gaze to the dirty plates in front of you, organizing them in a pile to take them to the kitchen. You came here to work. That’s it. Focus-

An excited scream tears the air.

“I loooove this song!” One of the girls on the dance floor scream, the one that has been clinging on Jungkook ever since the crowd started to dissipate. Much obviously tipsy, her eyes were glued on him the entire night (not that you’ve been noticing the people checking him out. Of course not). “Jungkookie, dance with me!”

You almost gasp.

Jungkookie?!

That’s when you finally notice the face Jungkook is making - and you try your best not to laugh.

He has that look that means oh my fucking God someone please take me out of this situation.

The two boys by your side don’t try to hide the laughter as well as you, watching the desperate Jungkook try to turn her offer down - an awkward smile, eyes shifting from her, a muttered apology (I still have some work to do…) but the thirsty girl is surprisingly insistent (you can stop for a little bit, come on!).

“I feel sorry for him,” Hoseok almost chokes as he tries to stop his giggles. You kind of feel sorry, too. He can’t be rude to a customer, otherwise he’d be punched by her relatives - not that Jungkook would be rude anyway. He steps back, scratches the back of his neck. The girl is almost climbing him. He looks around desperately, trying to find a way to escape-

“Why don’t you help him, Y/N?” Jimin says sweetly.

You side eye the sugar-coated snake you call friend. “Jimin.” Is all you say in a warning manner.

Someone that doesn’t understand the situation wouldn’t think anything weird, because you’re actually used to save Jungkook from crazy girls. The thing is, sometimes he’s too nice to turn girls down - and yes, girls do chase him. When he’s not interested in them, you’d usually understand the situation and run on his rescue, most times pretending to be his girlfriend so the girls would stop bothering him. It’s something funny and you’d always laugh your asses off right after.

Not now.

You definitely don’t want to laugh now.

Jimin is being far from innocent. He just wants to push you two into each other. He may have good intentions, but he’s not considering the fact that you don’t feel ready to face Jungkook - not when your feelings are so messed up. This ain’t happening.

“Yeah, Y/N. Jungkook looks pretty desperate,” Hoseok remarks, again, oblivious to the tension lingering in the air.

“Jungkook can handle himself very well. He doesn’t need my help.” Even though Jimin feels your menacing glare and sees your jaw clench, this boy is very brave and insists:

“Come on, Y/N! It won’t hurt.” He says innocently.

Yes, it will hurt. It already hurts, dumbass.

“Did you guys forget that we’re here to work? I don’t want to be reprimanded.”

“The hall is near empty. There’s literally nothing to do anymore.” Hoseok doesn’t understand why you’re glaring at him now.

You’re trying to control your nerves, but it’s getting hard not to feel your stomach jump in a weird way and your fingertips tremble. Just the idea of approaching him makes you weak, and not in a good way. Why these people can’t just leave you alone?!

“Do you think that avoiding him forever will work?” Jimin hisses on your ear, low enough so only you can listen, finally showing how pissed he really is.

What he says gets you.

Avoiding each other isn’t working, you know this very well. You remember the way you used to deal with things in the past - talking. Sure, you won’t be able to really talk right now, but at least you’ll have a chance to approach him.

You don’t want to. You really don’t. But at the same time, you want to. You miss Jungkook. 

Besides, he can’t run away from you in this situation.

You take a deep breath and gulp, trying to ease the tension. Come on. I know Jungkook. He’s the same bastard I’ve known my whole life. Stop being a pussy. I’m not a pussy!

“Just to make clear,” you whisper back to Jimin. “I fucking hate you.”

“You love me.” You wish you could rip that triumphant smirk off his face.

You walk over to the dance floor.

The few couples dance slowly and intimately. Because of course it had to be a slow dance. Of course it had to be a romantic song. Haha. Of course. The Universe must be playing some trick on you. 

Jungkook managed to run away from the girl, trying to hide in the corner of the hall, and she’s searching for him like a hawk. You wonder if she’s this drunk or if she’s just stupid. A guy literally running away from you isn’t already a message enough?

You walk quickly to where he stands, and the moment Jungkook turns around and lays his eyes on you, shock covers his features.

“Y/N-?”

“Quick, dance with me,” you say hurriedly, placing his hands on your waist. “She’s coming.”

Instead of questioning, Jungkook immediately starts to play along as you place your own hands on his shoulders. You discreetly watch when the girl finally finds you.

She stops on her tracks.

“She saw us?” He asks without looking back.

“Yes.”

“And?”

You see fire in her eyes.

“If she had a gun, she’d probably shoot me.” The girl looks outraged that you stole her chance to grind on him. “Oh, she’s turning away.”

Jungkook sighs in relief. “Thanks God. She’s been bothering me all night!” You can’t help but giggle.

For a millisecond, it feels like nothing has changed.

But then you look at each other for the first time.

It might be dramatic, but you almost feel that the temperature drops around you.

Oh shit.

You avoid each other’s gazes at the same time. It feels so tremendously awkward to be in front of him again - especially when you’re slow dancing in the dim light of the hall, almost hidden. It feels uncomfortably intimate. Especially because you’re both keeping a distance that normal couples wouldn’t. You probably look like a weird couple at a prom party that were forced to dance together.

It feels foreign.

The way you touch each other doesn’t feel right. You have touched each other in the most intimate and obscene ways, yet the simple touch of his hands on your waist doesn’t feel right. Despite this, you feel your blood boiling with a strange type of excitement; you missed him so damn much. Even in this uncomfortable situation, you can’t help but feel a little bit happy. You didn’t know you’ve been craving for his touch so much up until now.

What’s weird is that you don’t even feel like this in a sexual way. You’re not aroused. Considering how your relationship became strictly sexual these past months, your lack of arousal to be around him is weird.

The butterflies in your stomach and the way your hands are shaking a little bit is also weird.

For some moments, you just sway from side to side in an overwhelming silence. You have no choice but to listen intently to the song being played. As if you already don’t feel fucked up enough, you’re forced to listen to a love song - an 80s love song on top of that. Of course it has to be Is This Love by Whitesnake. Of course. Haha.

“Uhm… thanks.” Jungkook finally breaks the silence. His voice lacks confidence. He probably never talked to you like this.

“Just helping out a friend,” you say and instant regret smashes you. You don’t know if he’s still your friend. 

Jungkook looks scarily annoyed for a second. “A friend. Sure.”

Is it inappropriate to notice how he looks handsome when he clenches his jaw?

Honestly, has Jungkook always been this handsome?

Sure, he has always been like this. Maybe not seeing him in a long time made you feel this way. His hair has grown a lot. He looks extra fine in this suit. Every man looks better in a suit, but Jungkook looks like a deity. 

The butterflies in your stomach are going crazy.

You did miss him a lot. 

The silence makes you pay attention to the song again.

Wasted days and sleepless nights

But I can’t wait to see you again…

Hah, I know how it feels, you think - what makes you widen your eyes, shocked with your own thoughts. No. You won’t suddenly relate to a cliche 80s love song. 

Right?

“H-How’s school going?” You stutter. Are you trying to do small talk? For real?

“It’s doing fine,” he simply says. Oh fuck. Not good. He sounds so uninterested in your weak attempt at engaging a conversation it hurts. You came here to try and talk about what really matters, but you don’t feel ready to do it yet. Can’t he understand it?!

It looks like your presence bothers him, honestly.

That’s new.

Wow. Your heart suddenly feels clenched.

Awkward.

Why am I feeling this way?

A heavy silence weighs on you again. This isn’t going as planned - not that you planned anything in the first place. You’re going through a lot of weird sensations now.

Why is that?

You look at Jungkook timidly (timid and Jungkook are two words that used to not make any sense together in the past), but he doesn’t look back. You avoid his gaze again.

Being hit by a truck would hurt less.

What’s happening?

Why are you so damn confused?

When the song hits its chorus, you start to think the Universe is definitely playing with you. The deep voice of the singer floats in the air:

Is this love 

That I’m feeling?

Is this the love

That I’ve been searching for?

Fuck you, Whitesnake. 

For real. 

Fuck. You.

“Did Taehyung ask you?”

This brings you back to reality in an instant.

“What?” You look at him, confused. Why is he talking about Taehyung of all people out of nowhere?

You’ve always been very good at reading Jungkook, but right now, he’s unreadable.

“So he didn’t.” He says blatantly, devoid of any emotion. “I thought he would have already.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He talked to me about a double date.” Jungkook replies, looking back at you for the first time - again, a blank face. “You and him, me and Joy.”

Your blood honestly feels like frost.

It’s like you lost the ability to move or talk for a moment. You blink and gulp, trying to keep composed.

“What? Why?”

“Because he said it’d be fun. And less awkward, since I’m not very close to Joy yet and you’re not very close to him.”

Again, you don’t say anything for long seconds.

“But we’d just be cockblocking each other during the whole date,” you say.

“I know. I think the idea of a double date sounds weird, too. It’s not as if we don’t know them.”

You remember what Taehyung texted you earlier today; he said he’d ask something later. Is he going to ask you out?

He thinks that, since you and Jungkook are best friends, you could ease the tension and even help each other out.

This is so fucked up.

The immediate answer that comes to your mind is no. You don’t want to go on a date with Taehyung when you’re not interested in him. It’d be cruel; you don’t want to keep his hopes high. 

But as you’re about to say it, you stop.

What if Jungkook wants to go?

All this time, you’ve only been considering your feelings. Your confusion, your wishes - it’s always about you. You don’t know if you want to be just Jungkook’s friend, but you don’t know if he wants to be more than a friend - or if he wants to be your friend at all. The fuck buddies thing started because you asked. Not even once did you think about him.

Is this what Jimin meant when he asked you to not play with Jungkook’s feelings?

How selfish you’ve been acting all this time?

What if he’s been developing feelings for Joy and now decided to try something? He’s probably feeling hurt because you’ve not been acting like a good friend. You’re always putting yourself first.

That’s why you hear yourself asking:

“Do you want to go?”

It’s scary how every tiny little piece of you wishes he’ll say no.

But Jungkook tilts his head and says:

“Yes. I know it sounds weird, but we can part ways as soon as we get there.”

And this is the moment you feel as cold as you’ve never felt in your life.

It’s as if your ears got obstructed for a moment, because you can’t hear anything but your heartbeat. You can’t even see properly for a second. Yet, you ignore all that, gulp and nod.

It’s time to be a good friend for once.

It’s time to put Jungkook’s wishes first - even though it crushes your heart.

“Okay.” You say quietly.

You’re coming to the conclusion that you’re a walking disaster.

You’ve never been so nervous before a date in your life - but this is not the usual type of nervousness, when people are excited to meet their crush and impress them etc etc. You’re nervous because you don’t want to go. You thought of coming up with a thousand excuses (from the classical “I’m sick :(” to “Seulgi’s sick I gotta take care of her :(” to “my cat’s sick :(” but then you remembered you don’t have a cat to “I’m being chased by the police and I gotta leave the country :(”), but in the end, you couldn’t bring yourself to lie.

Not when Taehyung sounded so painfully happy when you said you’d go.

That’s why you should have said no: Taehyung doesn’t deserve this. He’s a good person and he will certainly get hurt when you tell him you’re not interested. Who cares about Jungkook? That fucker can go on a date by himself, he’s not a kid anymore.

But…

There’s something very tiny and mean inside of you called jealousy that didn’t let you simply text an honest apology to Taehyung.

And now it’s too late, because he’s standing at your door.

Handsome as always, Taehyung wears casual clothes: it’s almost as if he didn’t put much thought on it, but he still looks drop dead gorgeous on his black baggy pants, white shirt and black beret (no other man in this planet can manage to not look stupid in a beret other than Taehyung). As usual, your brain malfunctions as it tries to process his beauty.

He has a small, beautiful smile on his lips.

Shit.

“You look beautiful,” he says, and he sounds like he means it. You did put some effort on your clothes, makeup and hair after all. Being complimented by him feels nice.

Shit.

“Thanks. You too, but that’s just your usual self,” you say thoughtlessly and instant regret slaps your face again. Yes, bitch. Flirt with him. Make things more difficult.

Taehyung looks shy for a moment. The sight is endearing.

S. H. I. T.

“You’re just being nice to me.” He tilts his head. “So, let’s go?" 

It’s too late to go back now, so you have no choice but to take his arm and show your most plastic smile. "Yeah.”

You’re definitely a walking disaster.

You two arrive in the park first and, instead of just showing your tickets and getting in, you’re forced to wait for the bastard and his hot date.

An amusement park of all places.

Not that you hate amusement parks, it’s pretty much the opposite. It’s just that everything feels so wrong. Especially how Taehyung is making a lot of effort to keep the conversation alive while you wait. It’s not hard to talk to him, though, because he’s an interesting person, but seeing his efforts hurts.

What hurts more is the sight of Jungkook and Joy arriving with locked arms.

You hope Taehyung didn’t notice you holding your breath.

Joy looks hot as always, but you don’t even look at her (yes, it’s not nice to be mad at someone that didn’t do anything wrong), eyes glued on Jungkook instead. Just like Taehyung, it seems that he didn’t put much thought on his clothes, only their styles are completely different: Jungkook wears an oversized grey t-shirt, black pants and sneakers. It might seem simple, but he can manage to look good in anything. Joy surely didn’t mind his choice of clothes.

You lock gazes for one second and proceed to avoid it.

The four of you greet. It’s hard to act natural, but you try to; you don’t want the two others to notice the weird tension between you and the black-haired bastard. Joy looks happy, too.

…

Shit.

Soon, you get into the amusement park. As expected, it’s crowded with kids, families and couples. The weather feels nice this afternoon.

“It’s been a long time since I don’t come to an amusement park,” you confess. 

“Really? Then this was a good choice. I was worried if it’d be too cheesy…” he also confesses sheepishly.

“It’s not!” You reassure him. Joy agrees with you. Jungkook keeps silent. “I just have some traumatizing memories about amusement parks.”

Taehyung quirks one eyebrow. “What?”

You sigh.

You and Jungkook end up saying in unison:

“5th grade.”

You look at each other and avoid your gazes again.

“What? What happened on 5th grade?” Joy asks excitedly.

“Our school came to an amusement park that year,” Jungkook explains.

“Why was it traumatizing?” Taehyung still seems confused.

“Because… well…” you hesitate to say.

“Because she was so short back then that they didn’t let her go on the rollercoasters. And she cried the whole trip,” Jungkook suddenly says.

You glare at him.

He has a playful smirk on his lips.

“Oh, so what about you?” You can’t help but smile, too.

“What happened to him?” Joy asks.

“He laughed at me because I couldn’t ride, but he puked his lunch after he went on the coaster and spent half of the trip in the infirmary,” you reveal. 

“You’re still bitter that you stayed with me in the infirmary?” He inquires.

“Of course I am! Also, you puked on my shoes!”

“I already apologized. Besides, I paid you banana milk for two entire weeks. Isn’t it enough?”

“It isn’t!”

“Are you saying that banana milk isn’t enough?!” He gasps. “You psycho.”

You both giggle.

Again, for one moment, it feels that everything is back to normal. You feel comfortable having these old memories, as if you never stopped being best friends, as if you have the intimacy to play like this again.

But it’s only for one moment.

You avoid gazes. It feels so out of place. 

At least the sadness in Jungkook’s eyes shows that he feels the same about this all.

Before the tension between you two can become too strong, you change the topic and engage both Taehyung and Joy in the conversation - during that moment, you two forgot about them. As wrong as it is, Taehyung is your date for the night. He’s the one you should pay attention to.

So you try to completely ignore Jungkook’s existence for a while.

You only look at Taehyung and don’t even touch your phone. You answer his questions and ask things about him. It doesn’t feel like a punishment, though, because he is an interesting person and you genuinely enjoy his company.

But you can’t help but look at Jungkook from time to time.

You can’t help but notice his smiley-eyes as he looks at her.  You can’t help but see their closure.

You can’t help but feel your heart clenching.

And then, you see yourself locking your arm with Taehyung’s.

“What’s that?” You say excitedly. “I wanna see it!”

You drag Taehyung away from the other couple until they disappear in the crowd. Only then you remember how to breathe again.

Considering all the odds, this going better than you expected.

You tried your best to completely erase Jungkook’s and Joy’s existence from your mind, and at some point it finally worked. Taehyung is a funny guy to be around. There’s something very particular and endearing about his personality that captivates you; he’s obviously trying to impress you, but he’s still being very honest. He has some type of innocence that makes you realize that this guy is seriously one of a kind. You can’t think of a single sign that he might be a bad person.

You’re genuinely enjoy this.

But not in the way Taehyung expects you to be enjoying it. 

As wrong as it is, you unconsciously end up comparing him to Jungkook. 

If Jungkook was your date, the first thing you’d both want to do is try all the rollercoasters and the wildest rides in this park. But Taehyung is scared of heights. You didn’t want to make the boy vomit his own stomach, so you ended up avoiding it - even though you really wanted to go on that orange coaster that looks high as fuck.

Taehyung didn’t really get your jokes. The fact that he still laughed politely is cute, but still - Jungkook and you have the same sense of humor. You two like the same stupid type of meme. It felt strange when you had to explain more than once a certain joke so Taehyung could understand. 

Taehyung didn’t know your favorite ice cream flavor or your favorite soda. He doesn’t know the kind of movie you like, nor your favorite series, nor your favorite singers. You know you’re being stupid - the whole point of going on a date is to get to know each other, but every now and then you end up remembering how Jungkook knows every dumb detail about you…

What makes you realize that, as much as Taehyung is an amazing guy, you are too different from each other. 

What also makes you realize that, maybe… you don’t really want to get to know anyone else.

And suddenly, an image starts to build in your mind - an image you try very hard to erase, but it’s already too strong to be forgotten.

Instead of Taehyung, you arm is locked with Jungkook’s. You’re both laughing and having fun, just like things used to be. Only now you’re not just friends. 

It’s the first time in all these years that you see yourself dating Jungkook clearly. Painfully clearly.

The cotton candy you’re eating suddenly tastes like iron on your tongue. You feel your throat tightening. All of this became painful. The fact that you’re trying so hard to forget Jungkook for a few minutes, yet he’s everything you can think of. The fact that he’s in the same park as you having a date with another girl - said girl that is a friend, by the way, someone you encouraged to be with Jungkook, and now you’re hating her existence even though she did nothing wrong, all because of jealousy. There’s also the fact that Jungkook is much obviously avoiding you.

And the most painful fact of all-

“Are you okay, YN?” Taehyung asks, the smile vanishing from his lips the moment he sees your expression. 

The fact that this incredible person likes you much more than you expected. It’s obvious now that you look at his eyes. He really likes you - a funny, smart and special guy, someone that didn’t check his phone not even once ever since this date started, someone that has been trying his hardest to make sure you’re having fun, a guy that is usually very confident, but at the moment looks very uneasy around you.

He’s the perfect guy. He wasn’t disrespectful, wasn’t trying to get into your pants, treated you very well. You went on dates that were far worse than this. There was nothing wrong with him. You’re also sure he’d be a loving and caring boyfriend.

But all you can think of is Jungkook. 

And even though you knew this date wouldn’t work, you still accepted to come anyway. You kept Taehyung’s hopes high. Just because you were jealous.

You’re definitely the worst person on this planet.

But this has to end before Taehyung gets more hurt.

“I’m not feeling very well,” you hear yourself saying. Worry covers Taehyung’s features. “What’s the problem? Was it something you ate? Do you want to go to the infirmary?”

Damn. It hurts to see him like this.

“No. Can you… can you just take me home, please?” You ask sheepishly. 

If Taehyung feels disappointed, he doesn’t let you see; he just nods instead. “Okay. Let’s go.”

And this is how you managed to destroy a perfectly fine night.

You still try not to think of Jungkook and Joy on your way back home; you don’t want to know if they’re still in the park or if they went somewhere else. The idea of what they must be doing makes your stomach twirl in a bad way. It feels like a weight installed itself on your shoulders. Everything seems too oppressive and suffocating. You can’t wait to be alone and peaceful to process all of these feelings. Fortunately, Seulgi isn’t home - she went to sleep at a friend’s house to finish a project. 

For the first time, being with Taehyung feels awkward as you walk to the front door of your apartment. You can see he isn’t exactly glad. It makes everything worse.

You stop in front of the door and you turn around to face him. Everything you have to say must be said now.

“I’m so sorry, Taehyung.” You say in an embarrassed tone, scratching the back of your neck. “I ruined everything.”

“What? No!” He’s quick to reassure. God, his eyes are beautiful… “It’s not your fault. People feel ill, that’s normal.”

You gulp. Oh Gosh. He believed what you said. This is getting worse and worse… “I had a lot of fun today. Really.” You sigh and tilt your head tiredly. “Honestly, it was the most fun I had in a long time…”

“I had a lot of fun, too.” His smile is able to melt any frozen heart. “I noticed that you had a lot in mind, so I’m glad I was able to distract you at least a little.”

It gets you off guard. 

He’s way more observant than you expected.

“You noticed…?” You gulp, even more embarrassed. He nods. “I’m so sorry…”

“It’s fine. Everyone has a bad day every now and then. I just have to admit that I’m kind of worried about you.”

You stare at each other in silence for a while.

“Are you?” Why suddenly all you can do is make stupid questions?

Taehyung tilts his head. “Yes. You’re always such a bright person. Seeing you being quiet these days makes me sad.” First of all: did people start to realize that there’s something wrong with you? Are you acting this weird?

Second of all: that was adorable. He’s so honest about his feelings.

“To be honest, Taehyung… I’m not really a bright person,” you end up confessing in a quiet, weak voice. You don’t know why you’re saying this. You were supposed to push him away, not pull him closer. “I think I’m just used to pretend I am.”

“You don’t have to,” your eyes widen when you feel his fingertips brushing on your cheek as he gently tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. “You don’t have to pretend you’re fine when you’re not. To suppress this type of feeling… it hurts. Believe me, I know.” For a moment, you feel your breath hitch. The skin where  his fingers touched feels warm. He’s mesmerizing. His voice sounds like a sweet melody on your ears: deep, silky. “So, if you ever feel like opening up… I’m here, okay?” He widens his eyes for a second. “I-I mean- you can open up to Seulgi or Jungkook or Jimin, sure… anyone.”

This moment of shyness coming from him makes you giggle. “I don’t feel like opening up to anyone right now,” especially not to you, you think. “but thank you, Tae. It… it makes me really happy. I’m glad I went on this date with you.”

You shouldn’t have said that.

You shouldn’t have called him Tae.

Even though you’re saying the truth and there’s no second intentions hidden, Taehyung hears something else. 

His hand is still resting on your cheek.

And he says nothing.

He just… stares right into your eyes.

You can’t move.

You clearly see when his face starts coming closer and closer to yours, slowly but surely. You see his heavy-lidded eyes, his clouded gaze, his parted lips. You feel the thick tension in the air around you - the electricity. 

That’s when you should have pushed him away.

But you can’t.

Instead, you unconsciously close your eyes. You feel his lips ghosting over yours for a second - until his lips finally touch yours.

The kiss is suave - gentle and delicate. He doesn’t move his lips at first, merely pressing his against yours. Your body warms up in a way you haven’t felt in a long time; not because of arousal. It’s the pure excitement of being kissed.

Maybe that’s why you let him kiss you. You had forgotten how it feels like to be touched without any sexual intention. Kisses are too intimate, so you and Jungkook didn’t really kiss that often - and when you did kiss, it was always heated and obscene, tongues entangling wildly until both of you could barely breathe. It’s been a long time since someone kissed and held you like this: with gentleness and care. Taehyung isn’t treating you like a sex toy.

You melt.

Your lips part as he deepens the kiss; he is undemanding, careful and delicate. His lips taste like lip balm. No one is fighting for control, no one is desperate. It’s slow and synchronized. It’s sweet and innocent. Most importantly - it’s way different than you ever expected it to be. You never thought he’d kiss like this.

When Taehyung pulls away, the purest smile adorns his features.

“I’m sorry.” He says quietly, but he doesn’t sound sorry at all. “I should have asked permission.”

“It’s okay.” And it really is. You shouldn’t, but you liked it. 

“I'll… I’ll get going.” He says, the smile never disappearing. His eyes are also smiling. He stands there awkwardly in an adorable manner. “Can I text you later?”

“Sure.” You nod. “Good night. And thank you again.”

Taehyung grins. “Good night.”

Before leaving, he presses his lips on yours quickly one last time. 

You watch until he disappears inside the elevator, entering the apartment and standing there alone in the dark for a few seconds.

Then you unceremoniously slam your forehead against the wooden door.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” You hiss between gritted teeth. “What have you done?!”

You were supposed to push him away. You should have told him the truth - that you don’t have feelings for him, that you’re confused and almost certainly in love with another guy. Instead, you just stood there and let him kiss you. You not only kept his hopes high, you increased them.

How will you get yourself out of this situation now?!

You throw yourself on the couch, grab a cushion and scream into it. I’m the worst of the worst. I’m a walking catastrophe. 

For a long time, you just lay there and torture yourself with bad thoughts. Taehyung is the nicest guy you’ve met in a really long time. If you gave him the opportunity months ago, you’re sure you’d be dating right now - and the idea isn’t even unpleasant. He’s hot and smart and funny and sweet. It’s even hard to believe that someone like him is interested in you.

But…

No. Don’t think about him.

You want to punch yourself and scream and eat tons of ice cream and cry - all at once. You’re the queen of taking bad decisions. You’re the heart crusher and friendship destroyer-

There’s someone knocking on the front door.

You sit up in a jump and frown. Is it Seulgi? Did she forget her keys?

You walk slowly around the living room, defeated as if you’ve just came home from war, your hair a mess and shoulders shrinking. You turn the doorknob and open it-

And gasp.

Because standing at your front door is the person you least expected to see.

Jungkook is casually leaning on the door frame as if his presence didn’t make you burst a lung. He looks down, eyes avoiding yours; although the hallway is considerably dark, you can see his expression well. You know him too well. You see sadness and guilt and fear in his eyes.

Your heart beats so fast that you’re afraid it’ll stop suddenly. Nervousness crawls over your skin and makes your stomach feel cold.

“J-Jungkook? What are you doing here?” You’re brave enough to stutter. You completely forgot that Jungkook used to come over so often that you gave him full permission to enter and leave the building whenever he wanted.

He doesn’t say anything.

Instead, he lifts his left hand and shows you what he’s carrying: a plastic bag full with a pack of…

Banana milk.

“I think we really need to talk.” He says quietly, his eyes meeting yours for the first time.

You inhale sharply.

He’s right. You need to talk.

The cold night breeze makes you tighten your coat around your body. Yours and Jungkook’s hairs sway softly with the wind. You can hear the sounds of the city from up here, in the empty terrace - cars, sirens, voices. A glowing map of endless streets and buildings extends itself in front of your eyes.

You’re both leaning on the railing side by side. You’re hyper aware of the distance between you - both physical and… spiritual. You’ve been standing here in silence for quite some time now, quietly drinking the banana milk he brought, and none of you were able to engage a conversation. The tension is heavy. It overwhelms your whole being. Nervousness makes your nerves tense. You can’t even look at him.

Dozens of questions float around your mind; what is he doing here? Why did he decide to come in the first place? What happened to his date? It’s still very early, he could have stayed with her much longer…

You also can’t help but feel helplessly excited that he is here. With you. Not with Joy. He took the initiative to meet you. 

You can’t lose this opportunity.

“It’s kinda cold.” Is the first thing you say. It doesn’t even sound like you.

“Yeah.” He agrees, and he also doesn’t sound like him.

The awkwardness is almost solid right now. Things used to be so different… you can’t remember one moment in the past when such an uncomfortable feeling lingered between you. 

“Hm…” you cough. “What, hm… what about you and Joy?”

Why the fuck are you asking this?, you yell at yourself.

Jungkook looks down and shakes his head. “Let’s not talk about Joy or Taehyung right now, okay?”

You shrug. “I’m just trying to start a conversation.”

“That’s not how you do it.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know how to do it anymore.”

Jungkook goes silent with this, the quick aggressiveness disappearing as soon as it came. He gulps and looks down at the banana milk between his fingers again. 

More silence.

“Can I… can I ask you something?” Jungkook says after a long while. His voice is quiet, hesitant, almost being carried away with the wind.

“What?” You feel your body heating up in anticipation. 

He finally looks up to you, and in the moment your eyes meet, you have this weird feeling that everything except him looks blurred.

“Why did you start dating Mike?” He asks. “I warned you about him. I mean, you used to listen to me in the past.”

Oh.

Certainly not the type of question you were expecting.

What a mood killer, Jungkook.

You avoid his gaze again, trying to hide your disappointment. “Why are you asking me this now?”

“I just really want to know.” He takes one more sip of the banana milk.

A sigh escapes through your lips and you stare at the shiny city ahead. You didn’t think you’d have to bring up memories of Mike. It’s been a long time, but it still hurts to remember him.

“I… I just…” you start, trying to organize your thoughts. “You know that Mike had like a… bad relationship with his parents, right?” Jungkook nods. “Mike opened up about this to me. I saw how much it hurt him. He was lonely, broken. And I…” this is being way harder than you expected. You shrug, shake your head. “I don’t know. I was just being my stupid self. I thought I could… I wanted to fix him. I realized that I have this heroine complex, you know?” You side eye him sheepishly. “But there are a lot of things I can’t fix… I’m better at breaking things, not fixing them.”

“Don’t say that. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help people.” The confidence in which Jungkook says this makes, yet again, an odd sensation set in your stomach. 

It is probably the first time Jungkook managed to make you blush in your entire life.

A little more silence.

“Did you actually like him?” You can barely hear his voice.

You have no idea why he’s making this questions. Why is he bringing up Mike after so long?

“Well… yes.” You can’t lie right now. “I did.” You make sure to reinforce the did. It’s in the past.

Jungkook nods and says nothing. He takes another banana milk from the plastic bag and opens it.

You inhale, building up your courage to ask something you’ve been wanting to know for a long time. He touched this subject anyway.

“You asked me something, now it’s my turn to ask you something.” Jungkook nods. You have the feeling that he already knows what’s coming. “Why did you break up with Yeri?”

“She broke up with me.”

Oh.

“Why?” You repeat. You can see that Jungkook gets clearly uncomfortable, but you’re not letting him go without an answer - and he already knows how stubborn you can be, too. He shifts, tilts his head, exhales heavily.

“It just didn’t work out.”

“But you liked her. And she liked you, too.” It was pretty obvious to anyone that saw them together. 

Jungkook takes a long while to speak again. “I did like her. A lot.” The way his voice sounds fragile surprises you. Seeing him like this is very rare. Jungkook isn’t one to get all emotional too often. It seems that confessing this to you is important to him, somehow.

It also scares you a tiny bit. What if Jungkook still likes her, just like you suspected in the past?

“I didn’t want things to end the way they did.” He continues. His eyes are far away, watching old memories. His shoulders seem tense. He fiddles with the small banana milk bottle between his fingers. “But… some things aren’t meant to be, it doesn’t matter how much you want them to.”

This answer sounds… way too vague. Not what you want to hear. You know there’s more behind their break up, but just by looking at Jungkook you see that he isn’t telling you anything else. Well, this is the most he ever said about his past relationship in almost one year. It’s better than nothing.

And back to silence.

You want to push this awkwardness away. But how? You don’t feel as close to Jungkook as you always were. It’s not as if you could simply say anything in this moment… especially because, somehow, you feel that Jungkook expects you to do something, even though he came all the way to your apartment just to talk.

Say something, goddamnit!

“I’m sorry.” you blurt out.

Jungkook looks at you, but you’re not strong enough to look back at him. You hold the tiny bottle so tightly that it might get smashed at any moment; that’s just how nervous you are.

“Sorry for what?” he asks quietly. You hear the expectation in his voice… almost as if he’s holding his breath.

You can’t help but gulp. I’m not good with this type of thing. 

“For everything.” you hate the way your voice sounds so damn fragile. Being sincere like this is somehow… painful. But that’s what Jungkook expects of you: sincerity. So you keep talking, although you don’t know the right words to express yourself. “I… I don’t know why things got like this between us…” you almost gasp. “I mean, I know why. We know why. And I feel very responsible.”

“You have this habit of taking the blame to yourself, isn’t it?” He murmurs. Jungkook shakes his head softly and passes his hand on his hair.

“But I was the one to propose it in the first place.”

“And I agreed.”

“Okay, but…” you have to stop for a moment to recover your breath. “I don’t know, I just feel sorry. I didn’t think of anyone except me all along. I’ve been an awful person to you… and awful friend. Also…” you need to stop again. Why is it so hard to speak? It feels as if there’s something obstructing your throat; the words hardly come out. “What I did that day at Joy’s house… it was wrong. I’m sorry that I made you upset that day.”

Jungkook sighs heavily. You’re still scared to look at him. 

“I’m sorry about that day, too. I was rude to you.” Is he apologizing for calling you a slut while you had sex in the bathroom? Well, you definitely didn’t care about that. “I feel sorry too, Y/N. The way we drifted apart from each other…” he gesticulates with his finger between you and him. “The fault is on us both. I already told you, you shouldn’t take all the responsibility to yourself. We were both stupid.”

“Very stupid.” you both chuckle. You feel your heart lightening up for a moment; that strong tension still hovers around you, but now it feels like a different type of tension. Seeing that tiny smile in Jungkook’s lips makes your heart race. 

You finally look at each other.

The shadows of the night paint Jungkook’s face. His hair sways with the wind softly. His dark eyes shine as much as diamonds. You never really understood the expression “to get lost in someone’s eyes…” 

Well… now you do.

The small moment you two share feels fragile… featherlight. You’re scared that if you say or do something wrong, it’ll break and disappear. You’re scared to break him. To break yourself. This makes you remember that, ever since you were kids, Jungkook has always been the most fragile of you two. He has always been the most sensitive, the one to get hurt easily. Jimin was right all along. How could you do this to him? Why did you let this happen between you two? 

“I missed you.” your voice is barely a whisper. Admitting this makes you feel exposed and relieved at the same time. Your throat feels even tighter.

“I missed you, too.” he confesses. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

You smile at each other.

That’s the moment you almost confess something more… your confused feelings for him. You feel the urge to say that you don’t see him as just a friend anymore; that you don’t want to be just a friend anymore.

But something holds you back.

This is maybe the moment when you’re finally being able to reconcile. You don’t know if Jungkook feels the same about you; you don’t want to push him away by throwing your feelings over him. This might destroy you friendship forever.

Then, you decide to keep it all to yourself. At least for now.

“So,” Jungkook says, sighing. “What about that group project?”

You quirk one eyebrow up. “I’m pretty sure you know about the group project.”

Jungkook giggles. “Jimin has been annoying you, too?” you nod. He shakes his head. “He’s a little shit, isn’t he?”

“Yes. He had good intentions, at least.” You shrug. 

“He could be a little more subtle, though.” You can’t help but agree. “Congratulations for getting the highest grade.”

“Thank you. Jimin also told me that you’ve been talking to some important people…”

Jungkook smiles beautifully with this. “Yes. It’s a director. He said that he likes my work and that I have talent. I think he’ll invite me to work with him as a trainee for a while.” Your eyes widen in a surprised expression.

“Really?! That’s great, Kook!” It feels so nice to call him Kook again after so long. Slowly, you feel that unbearable tension vanishing and all that’s left is you and him. Two people that know each other better than you know yourselves for most of your lives. In a matter of seconds, the distance that put you apart for months seems to disappear. 

Suddenly, you feel a cold drizzle start falling over your heads. Jungkook frowns. “I think we should get down there.”

“Yes.” Before you can think better, you blurt out: “You can sleep here if you want.” Perhaps you shouldn’t have said that, because Jungkook’s frown deepens as he stares at you with suspicion. A shiver of fear runs down your spine. “Hey, that’s not what I mean.” You’re quick to say, waving your hands. “Before this sex thing started there was just us, remember? I… I miss us.”

Jungkook thinks for some moments, his eyes never leaving yours. 

Then, a tiny smile makes its way to his lips - and you’re happy to see that the smile reaches his eyes, too. “Okay.”

“Wait- so Irene and Jennie made up?” Jungkook asks from the kitchen, surprised.

“That’s what it looks like. I mean, they did post some photos together on Instagram.” you say while adjusting the pillows and blankets on the mattress you placed in the living room. Yours’ and Seulgi’s friends come to sleep over a lot, so you’re used to do it - you even bought some spare sheets and blankets for this occasion. 

“But you can’t be sure that they are together just because of some photos.”

“Yeah, but you know Seulgi. She jumped to conclusions. Being honest, they don’t look like a couple in these photos… but I don’t think there’s anything I can say that will change her mind at this point. I tried everything.”

“I don’t really think that they’ll make up this time.” Jungkook admits. You walk over to the kitchen and lean on the counter, opposite to him.

“I feel bad for her. Seulgi still loves Irene and she can’t get over it. I think it’s the first time she spends the night out in a long while… and it isn’t even to have fun. I’m worried.”

He pouts and shrugs, eyes focused in building up his sandwich. “Maybe we should just let her figure things out by herself.”

“But she’s doing nothing.”

Jungkook stops adding ketchup just to stare at you and quirk his eyebrows. “Y/N. I think I already said that you should stop trying to be a cupid, like… a million times.”

“I didn’t say I’d do something!” You do your best to sound offended. 

“I know you, woman. I’ve seen this face many times. You look like an evil gremlin.” 

“I don’t!” you cross your arms. You forgot how annoying it is that Jungkook knows you so well, because you did think of doing something to help her. You’re so tired of seeing you friend being sad all the time. All she does these days is watch Netflix and complain. She already started to look like a zombie at this point. No one can blame you for being concerned. “Besides, gremlins are cute.”

“You’re the only person on this planet that thinks this.” He shakes his head slightly, his hair waving in the process.

“Why did you let your hair grow so much?” You ask, resting your chin over your palm. 

“Because I look good with long hair.” Jungkook shrugs, a smug smirk on his face. 

“You cocky little shit.”

“Am I wrong for telling the truth?” He looks up at you again, playful. You can’t even tell he’s wrong: that long hair really matches his looks and personality. 

“Hey, are you still helping Namjoon and Yoongi?” you ask when Jungkook starts to make a fourth sandwich. Yes, you guys do eat a lot.

“Yeah. I haven’t been to the studio in a few days, but they still call me whenever they need me.” Jungkook presses his lips together and shifts a little: nervousness. “I… I kind of helped them write a song.”

“Really? But you said you were just ‘lending’ them your voice to record demos.” 

“Yeah, but I felt kind of inspired. It was just for fun, though.” He shifts his eyes to you then back to the sandwich very rapidly. “Maybe I’ll let you listen to it any other day.”

“Aw, come on! I’ve been wanting to listen to your songs for so long!” you whine.

“I said maybe. When the right time comes.”

You don’t really get what he means with it.

For a while, you just sit there and watch Jungkook. He looks so carefree and relaxed; he moves around the kitchen as if it’s his own house. He knows where everything is in the cabinets. In a way, this really is his second house considering how often he comes… even when he used to come just to fuck during these past months. It feels so nice to see him not being all tensed up and uncomfortable around you anymore. He even starts to sing quietly, his voice as sweet and smooth as cotton candy filling up the entire house.  You’re one of the few people that Jungkook feels confident enough to sing around. It’s almost a privilege.

You have been staring at him unceremoniously for so long that Jungkook frowns and looks back at you, frowning. “What?”

“Nothing.” You shake your head. “It’s just that… Namjoon is right. You could’ve been famous with this voice.” Jungkook smiles shyly. “And this face.” He turns around to open the fridge. “And this ass.”

He frowns. “Seriously?”

“What? I’m being honest. And don’t act like you don’t stare at my ass all the time.”

Jungkook chuckles and shakes his head in that way that means I can’t stand you.

“Done.” He claps his hands together. Four giant sandwiches, coke, popcorn and m&ms (let’s say that you and Seulgi don’t have exactly the healthier type of food at home). 

“Okay. I’ll take these, get changed first if you want,” you say while taking the plates to the living room. Of course there would be some of his clothes at your place.

When Jungkook sees the clothes you chose, he stares at you with an outraged expression. “My grey hoodie!”

“…yes.”

“You said you didn’t know where it was!”

You stop and click your tongue. “…funny how I found it at the bottom of my drawer tonight, huh?”

He knows you’re lying. But you won’t tell him that slept wearing his hoodie some nights because it smelled like him. He doesn’t need to know this.

“Hoodie thief.” He says and taps your head jokingly, making his way to the bathroom. You’re wearing sleeping clothes as well - and you made sure to choose your ugliest and largest ones. You don’t want Jungkook to think you asked him to sleep here just to end up having sex. 

He comes back and throws himself on the mattress by your side. You’re very aware of the immense space between you; another person could fit in here. “What are we going to watch?”

“I think I’ve watched the entire Netflix catalogue at this point because of Seulgi.” you admit, shoving popcorn inside your mouth. Jungkook takes your phone and scrolls down the Netflix page. 

“There’s always something more to watch.”

You end up arguing about what movie to watch. Actually, you spend more time arguing and scrolling down through the Netflix endless catalogue than watching something. 

You don’t touch each other not even once. The physical distance almost feels like a living being.

You end up giving up on Netflix and watching Avengers Endgame for the hundredth time anyway.

And yes - Jungkook cries at the ending of the film.

You wake up with the sunlight touching your face.

It’s awful. You close your eyes tightly and yawn, a little bit confused at first. What am I doing in the living room? You search for your phone to check the hour: it’s seven in the morning. Shit. Whenever you can sleep until late hours, you end up waking up early…

You turn your head to the side and freeze.

It’s Jungkook.

Now you remember everything. The TV is still on, which means both of you fell asleep while watching it. The empty plates and glasses are placed over the coffee table. 

You never slept together before.

There was only one time when it happened - the first and only, when you two got wasted and the whole story started. Other than that, you never slept together. First, because you had more interesting things to do other than sleep. Second, because sleeping together feels way too intimate. It didn’t matter how tired you were after fucking, when you finished cleaning up, you’d both put your clothes back on and walk back to your respective homes. You vehemently avoided doing anything that might feel too intimate - kissing, sleeping together… after a while, you even avoided looking at each other right in the eye while having sex. 

You’re not touching; there is still a great space between your bodies. Yet… just the thought that you slept with Jungkook makes your heart race.

You don’t move a single centimeter. You just lay there and… look at him.

His long hair is a mess. His face is adorably puffy, lips slightly parted. He looks peaceful. The way his chest moves up and down as he breathes is hypnotizing. 

He’s seriously so beautiful.

But now, you don’t think of it in a sexual way. Back then, you’d always admire how hot Jungkook is, his godlike physique, how lucky you were to be having sex with a guy like him… not now. You just feel mesmerized by his features. The long eyelashes touching his cheeks. The tiny moles on his face and neck. Some old acne scars. 

It’s odd, but right now, you realize just how much you’ve been missing him. It doesn’t make sense - Jungkook is right here, barely an arm apart from you. You made up last night and it seems that everything is back to normal. Still, you desperately miss him. 

Your chest fills up with something strange and unknown. It’s sweet and painful. It makes your heart feel tight, your nerves feel like burning and your eyes well up with tears. 

This is the face of the person that has been with you during most of your life. 

He’s a part of you.

The most important part of you.

In this moment, your feelings for him are so great that it seems that they can’t even fit inside of you anymore.

You watch him sleep for a long time, too scared to move and wake him up. But eventually, he sighs heavily and moves his head, indicating he’s about to wake up.

His eyes finally open and he yawns.

“Good morning.” He says when his eyes focus on you, smiling softly. Jungkook’s voice sounds deep and raspy. He stretches his arms over his head. “I mean… if it’s still morning.”

“It is,” you say softly.

He stares at the ceiling with heavy-lidded eyes. “I dreamed that babies came from eggs. Like ostrich eggs.” He chuckles. “And women gave birth to the eggs like chickens.”

You don’t say anything and just keep watching him instead.

Jungkook finally turns his head at you and frowns, still smiling softly. “What?”

“Nothing.” You say so quietly that he can barely hear.

He gazes back at you.

Slowly, the smile on his lips disappears.

You feel the tension building up around you - but this time it feels different. It’s not a bad tension like what you experienced last night at the terrace, nor is it dense like when you two were aroused and desperate to find a place and please yourselves. This time, it feels delicate but heavy nevertheless. It makes your blood boil and your heart race.

Jungkook’s eyes are serious, heavy and intense over you. All the playfulness is gone. None of you say a word. You don’t even know if you have the power to move considering how heavy the tension is.

He extends his arm and his fingertips touch your cheek. Your skin feels burning hot. Delicately, he puts a strand of hair behind your ear. It’s strange how he’s doing the exact same thing Taehyung did, but with Jungkook, this simple touch made you feel like exploding right there. 

Jungkook is the one to come closer. Closer and closer and closer. Your breathing is heavy. He caresses your cheek his his thumb. Soon, his face is right in front of yours - noses touching, eyes locked and burning with something you can’t quite name.

You stare at each other like this for a moment until his gaze finally drops to your mouth.

You both lean in for the kiss at the same time.

You have already tasted these lips multiple times before - but now, it’s different. The kiss is slow; you move your lips unhurriedly and sweetly. Yet, this kiss feels much more intense than any other you have shared before. None of those times when you kissed him desperately with luxury being the only thing on your mind comes even close to the intensity of this kiss.

It almost feels that this is the actual first time you kiss Jungkook.

Your breathing gets even heavier as the kiss deepens. His hand rests on your waist, while yours hold his neck. The sloppy sounds of your lips and tongues moving together are the only audible thing in the apartment. Your whole being screams in excitement and anticipation when Jungkook moves his body to hover over yours, not even once breaking the kiss. Your right hand grabs his smooth hair while the other travels up and down his back; your body is getting burning hot. Jungkook moans very softly. You start to feel the familiar wetness on your panties.

Jungkook leans away for a moment; his lips are red and swollen, his hair is even messier now, his dark eyes are clouded with want and something you can’t name - something so strong that he’s able to make you shiver with that look alone. He leans down again and starts to kiss and suck your neck very slowly, making soft moans escape through your lips. His hand sneaks under your baggy shirt and he squeezes your breast. Soon, his lips are on yours again and the kiss becomes much deeper. You can already feel sweat forming on your forehead. Jungkook starts to grind on you; you can clearly feel his clothed erection rub against your own core, what makes more and more strangled moans come from both of you.

This is the hottest make out session of your life. The entire atmosphere is not what you’re used to; it’s not playful, none of you say a word. No teasing, no dirty talk. All you do is try to touch each other the best you can, never once breaking the kiss. It’s as if, with this kiss, you’re having a conversation… you’re telling each other everything you’re not brave enough to say out loud.

Soon, the desperation becomes too big. There’s no time to play, you just want to have him inside of you and feel his warm skin against yours. Unceremoniously, you start to undress yourselves, kissing every spot you can find in the process - neck, chest, stomach. Your clothes are thrown around the living room. You lay on your back again and Jungkook hovers above you once more, your legs entangling around his hips as he positions his hard member on your entrance.

You always avoided this position because it is too intimate; you’re forced to look at each other like this. This time, though, it doesn’t matter. You want to look at him - and the sight of his face contorting in pure pleasure, lips parted and eyes closed tightly as he eases himself inside of you, is almost as good as the feeling of being stretched after a long time.

Jungkook doesn’t move at first. He knows he’ll hurt you if he goes too hard right from the beginning. Instead, he waits until you call his name quietly in a strangled moan - the sign he needs to start thrusting. He rests his head on your shoulder and grabs the pillow under your head tightly as he picks up his pace, slow and steady, soft groans coming from the back of his throat that make you feel goosebumps. You hold his back with both hands. You can’t shut the moans anymore.

Sweat makes your skin slippery as he thrusts faster. Jungkook licks and bites your ear, moaning right into it, and it feels that this alone could make you cum. He then leans away for a moment, creating some space between your bodies to have a better angle to keep smashing himself into you - faster and faster, stronger and stronger. The usual sound of skin hitting skin, heavy breathing and moans is all you can hear. 

You said that you didn’t ask him to sleep here just to have sex - and you weren’t lying.

But this doesn’t feel like just sex.

This isn’t fucking.

The pleasure is getting unsustainable and you both feel it. You close your legs around him even tighter and pull his face with both hands, sealing your lips in another intense, desperate kiss. It’s sloppy and unsynchronized. It’s raw and rough and so full of emotions you can’t comprehend that you feel your eyes tearing up again.

What you’re experiencing right now isn’t just two people finding pleasure in each other. It isn’t simply carnal instinct. 

It is the deepest and most sincere way to connect with another being - without any words, through touches only.

You never felt anything like this in your life - not with Mike or any of your past boyfriends and hook ups. This is beyond lust. This is beyond sex.

Jungkook breaks the kiss apart for a second  to look at you. Your gazes lock. God, he’s beautiful. Not only his appearance, but everything about him is beautiful.

And it is right now - stating deep into his eyes - that you come to a conclusion.

Jungkook has always been a part of you. But, in this exact moment, it feels like more.

It feels that you two became one.

He leans down and kisses you again. Your lips are tightly sealed when you both come at the same time.

Your trembling fingers still hold the strands of his damp hair tightly. You caress his face softly, putting some hair away from his eyes. Jungkook kisses you again. And again, and again, and again, and again.

You’re glad when he rests his head on your shoulder again, because like this, he can’t see the tears trickling down your temples.

It’s still hard to understand what just happened. Honestly, you think you’ll never fully understand.

But one thing you do understand, one thing that became as clear as the morning sky, is that your feelings for Jungkook are deeper and stronger than you ever imagined. He’s so much more than a friend.

Yet, you don’t know if he sees you the same way.

You don’t know if he felt the same things you did or if this was just one more time having sex with you. You don’t know if he still has feelings for Yeri or if he’s developing any for Joy.

You know nothing - and this fact makes your heart hurt as if it is being stabbed…

Because Jungkook, the best and most important part of you, might never be truly yours.

[taeswurld]

Ace II [Dawgo]

pairing: bakugo x fem!reader

genre: humor, romance

TW: violence, cursing, angst, fluff

Summary: Shifting into My Hero was a total mistake, all those tiktoks you watched on a daily about shifting somehow convinced your brain to take part. Now the question is how to wake up, and most importantly, DON’T GET ATTACHED TO STUPID DRAWINGS!

A/N:

Hi! Welcome to chapter two! I try to keep everything in my story as neutral as possible discussing appearance, economic status, and family dynamics! If something seems uncomfortable to you, or you think I am getting too specific, please let me know!

{ACE MASTERLIST}

Okay, okay, okay. 

Just calm down, all you need to do is find the way to get out of here without another person seeing you. 

Also, find out just WHERE you are. 

Although, after seeing the short girl with the cute little blue bob, you might just have a slight clue. 

The thing is, how are you in a fucking anime? Like that should literally be so impossible but make so much sense at the same time. The way everything is so familiar, the halls, the room, the fact that the building you’re in is HUGE. It just makes sense but at the same time it doesn’t. 

If worst comes to worst, you can always just explain to someone you aren’t from here, but then they would think you’re crazy and probably throw you in a psych ward. 

Ding. 

Shit. Shit. Shit. 

Okay, okay, just act normal. Pretend you’ve been here forever, jus-

“Yo, you good?” 

You bring your face up to see a boy with blonde, or well piss-yellow fits the description more, hair and a little black lighting bolt. 

“Huh? Oh sorry what?” Stop sounding like an idiot! At this point they’re bound to know you aren’t from here!

“I asked if you’re good, you seem a little jumpy. Although, it would make sense after last night. Recovery girl said you were gonna wake up with a pretty bad headache. Speaking of which,” he called out as he started walking away. “There should be some painkillers in the kitchen. Just ask one of the girls, they’re the ones who always take it for some goddamn reason.” 

Oh, okay so apparently you weren't wrong. 

You somehow managed to get into a stupid cartoon. But the question is how...

“Woof!”

You quickly snapped out of your trance to take a peek at Hiro. He was stretching out and whining. 

‘Hey, don’t forget about the food. I’m starving here.’

You decided to follow the way the boy went just to avoid getting lost or something. God knows you don’t need anymore confusion right now. 

Which comes to the question...what happened last night? 

From what you remember, you spent until 3 a.m. watching stupid tik tok videos about shifting and transferring energy and shit. You remember seeing this one girl say you need to believe in yourself and calm you aura down or whatever that means. You couldn’t remember the actually stuff you were supposed to do when you succeeded, but then again you never planning on actually going into a different dimension. 

But what happened here last night? What was the accident the boy mentioned? 

Also weirdly enough, you can’t remember his name, even though you’re pretty sure you’ve watched the show at least a hundred times already and even resulted to reading the manga and some fan fiction. 

You’re obsessed with these characters and storyline, so why can’t you really remember anything? You have a rough idea of the timeline, but nothing too clearly. You are aware that you had a life in an actual dimension, like you can remember your home, and your family, and your neighborhood. You remember almost every scar on your body the the story behind it, and you remember that really embarrassing thing in middle school. So why can't you remember anything that pertains to the stupid T. V. show your stuck in?

God none of this is making your headache any better. You need that Tylenol, and ASAP. 

You make your way into what seems to be a common room, a bunch of people are mingling around, getting breakfast, turning on the morning news and some of them are even reading newspapers. Not a single phone in sight. 

Jesus is everyone here secretly 50 or something? 

You have Hiro walk in front of you, and do a quick little whistle note to keep his guard up. 

Apparently, that whistle happened to catch everyone else’s attention as well. 

“Hey! You took a pretty hard hit last night! You feeling any better?” 

A girl with a brown, short fringe comes up to you. She has a cute little round face, and has two little blush marks etched on her cheeks. She gives you a quick little smile of reassurance and comfort, while also seeming a little concerned. 

Before she's able to get into 6 feet of you though, Hiro starts growling and showing his teeth in an act of dominance. He quickly puts his stance up, and lets her know to back off. 

“Woah, woah L/N! You need to calm your dog down before he hurts someone!”

Some guy in glasses comes up to you. He's kinda stiff, with an undercut and you needing to look up at him, since he’s actually extremely tall. Jesus, he had to be at least 6′3. 

“He’ll back off when people stop pestering me and give me space. You yelling isn’t exactly making it better.” you quickly announce. There’s way too much confusion going on, everyone is caging you and if they don’t quit it, Hiro is gonna go crazy dangerous in a couple of seconds. 

“I need everyone to back the fuck up. My dog isn’t dangerous but he’s really territorial. This can get really ugly, really fast if y’all don't back. the. FUCK. UP!”

“Hey! Okay! Okay! We’re giving you space, but you need to get your pet under control! If he attacks a student, I’ll have no choice but to report you to Mr. Aizawa and have him removed from the premises!” the tall dude with the glasses quickly announces. Jesus does this motherfucker have an off button? “Yeah, yeah. I heard you. Jesus what crawled up your ass and died?” You mutter rolling your eyes. It’s not even 8 in the morning yet, and you have a headache, you’re hungry, your dog is hungry, and you’re fucking confused. 

“Look does anyone have any Tylenol? I’m in a shitty mood and my head hurts like a bitch.” You quickly grab onto something feeling like your gonna pass out any second. 

“Hey you shitty extra! Watch your fucking hands!”

Oh my fucking God. 

[plutowrites]

AHHH PLUTO okok I’m definitely requesting something from my mf baby 😤❣️

Okok we already know who I’m picking this with... but to be safe Levi LMAO

My pronouns are she/they so she is fine 🤠❣️

OKOK for starters I’m an INFP ! Personality wise with people I don’t know very well they do say I’m a little blunt and I come off harsher than I mean to and I have a very dominant personality, like I’m not at all afraid to call shit out if I see it and be honest with people! But I also think I’m a very kind and devoted person! With my friends and people I talk to though I’m very loud and I feel like I can be a lot sometimes LMAO, I’m just a loud goofy person :)

I’m also very awkward though like “🧍🏻‍♀️”at its finest in social situations that aren’t with work, I’m not very good at reading social queues which is probably why I’m very blunt a lot of the time and harsh on accident cause I don’t mean to be!! I’m just talking!!

I think I’m pretty funny too 🤓

Generally people either think I’m v sweet or mean and idk where that puts me LMAO

Hobbies 🥸 this is so hard always pls but I like artsy stuff -we know this- and I really like the outdoors!! Camping??? Yeah sign me tf up ! I MF LOVE ROADTRIPS I love every part!! The long drives and the scenery and the hotel and the stupid souvenirs it’s just ugh I love it :)

Looks; ok now listen, I am 5’9” and like a half,,, I know Levi is like 5’3 on a good day but IDC‼️I love my lil shorty❣️❣️For looks idk what else to say besides the fact that body wise i’d say I’m like curvy but I have kind of muscular/thick thighs from when I did rugby -that I am a teensy bit insecure about- and that’s just kind of how I’ve always been built man 🧍🏻‍♀️ features wise I have curly black hair and brown eyes and uhhh a beauty mark right by my lip like a Marilyn Monroe one idk what else to say face wise LMAO 😶

Ok I WONT put smoothie as my fav dessert cause apparently that don’t count 🙄✋🏼‼️ so it’d have to be like strawberry anything 🤓❣️ besides ice cream 😶 like strawberry cheesecake! That’s good there we go :)

OK I HOPE THIS WASNT TOO MUCH I LOVE YOU PLUTO PLS IM SO EXCITED

HI LOVE I kinda went off bc you gave me so much to work with ❤️🥺 and while i was writing everything i was like damn...im starting to have feelings for bunny too LMAOO

ANYWAYSS i hope you enjoy 😘

Random Headcanons

Levi and you started dating because all your mutual friends were pushing you guys together and it got to the point where the two of you were so frustrated and were all like fine, LET’S JUST DATE

But then he started to really make you feel ushy gushy feelings…..and you started to make him feel such strong and intense emotions

Whenever the two of you hung out he would bring you snacks that he saw you eating (and enjoying) before. Like y’all will go on a hike and he’ll pull out gummies from his pocket or a random ass drink for you

“Where did that come from?”

“Just take it idiot.”

“Are you sure?”

“I brought it for you.”

 He’ll get so shy then after realizing what he said and he vows to himself to never be soft like that again but then he can’t help it when he’s around you. Poor bby just wants to make you so happy.

He loves listening to you talk and it doesn’t matter what you talk about, he just loves listening to you go on and on ESPECIALLY if it’s something that makes you excited 

You just do something to him when he sees your eyes go all wide and you start to use your hands to speak and he’s freaking out in the inside bc he thinks you’re so perfect but on the outside he looks so nonchalant as he drinking his fourth cup of tea of the day

He’s gonna look forward to your stories, and he especially loves your work ones except when ppl are making your job hard for you

He gets all annoyed that he can’t be there to tell them to fuck off 

I know you said your thighs were a bit of an insecurity for you but if you let Levi find out he’ll make sure you know he loves them and you’re perfect just the way you are

One of his favourite things to do is just lay down on them, head in your lap and he gets to just look up at you and be at peace

He doesn’t communicate his feelings 24/7, he would much rather show you how much he adores you

I feel like he’ll love to give you massages? The two of you will be watching a movie together and he’ll pull your feet onto his lap and just rubs them, or he’ll grab your hand and massage them for you

OUU you’ll be like ugh my hands are kinda dry and he’ll be like bet and leaves the room then comes back with lotion and rubs it on for you 

“I can do that myself, ya know?”

“Tch. Why do it when I can do it, brat?”

OMG you guys watch shows together and he would be so HURT if you watch an episode without him

He’ll come back home from work and see you watching the latest episode and his face will fall and he’ll just retreat back to the room without speaking to you LMAO

You have to promise to never do it again and give him lots of kisses. He’ll act super annoyed but he would forgive you in the first 5 seconds

GIRL he’s gonna love playing with your hair, he is lowkey (highkey) OBSESSED with touching your curls

Tries to do this at night though so he doesn’t ruin your hair for the day

Omg i’m writing a lot AHH 

Levi loves how easy it is to be around you and how effortless it is to love you

He’s not into the theatrics and he hates unnecessary drama so when he’s able to find someone he can be 100% himself around without worrying about rubbing them the wrong way with his personality...he’s so hooked

He appreciates your bluntness! He doesn’t like when people beat around the bush, he prefers someone who is always honest even if it comes off harsh! He’s the same exact way!

HE simply adores your beauty mark, you’ll just catch him sometimes looking at it (and your lips ofc) he thinks it super adorable but he also won’t be super obvious about it

He hates how much money you spend on iced coffees, he always wonders why you can’t make it at home like how he makes his tea at home

You’ll walk through the door and he sees a cup in your hands

“Didn’t I buy you an iced coffee this morning? You still haven’t finished it?”

“No, this is another one.”

“You’re 90% iced coffee at this fucking point.” 

One day he gets so fed up and he just buys all the ingredients to make your iced coffee at home and I’m not talking about him getting some basic instant coffee and some creamer, this man is ordering all the flavours you like

You like hazelnut syrup? He got it. Caramel? He ordered it. You like sweet cream cold foam on top? He bought a milk frother.

He’ll tell you he regrets it later on bc of how much space everything takes up

“Our kitchen turned into a shitty ass starbucks” 

He doesn’t actually regret it tho, he knows how much you love it and that’s enough to make him feel satisfied 

How Levi asks you to be his valentine

This man just straight up texts you! (see image below)

PLS Levi acts so hard but in reality he is so soft for you

After he presses send he constantly checks for your reply

Jumping to his phone when he feels a vibration in his pocket and then gets disappointed when it’s not you texting him back

How Levi spends Valentine’s day with you

For the valentine’s day itself he plans a road trip for the two of you and even though the destination is breathtaking and gorgeous, you can’t help but to think the best part was the journey

[sir-silly]

TWDG S3 First Playthrough

So, here’s my main problem with season 3. I like the story and I like a lot of the characters, but what I don’t like is how it makes me feel. I’m not inclined to make the choices that I actually want to make. I want to defend Clementine to the death and shoot Conrad (i love his character, i just hate how he treated Clem there) and stay behind to fight with her, but as Javier, it just doesn’t make sense.

He just met this girl and has no idea who she is, rather than us who have known her for so much longer. And personally, I don’t ship him with Kate. But it feels so forced that I feel like I have to go along with it. It’s so ugh. So, this first playthrough, I’m going to be acting as Javier, not as me, and I’m going to hate it and be salty so be prepared for that.

wE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET A FLASHBACK WITH SANDRA??? AND WE DIDN'T??!?!?!!! WHAT THE FUCK??????? I'M LOOKING THROUGH THE CONCEPT GALLERY AND WHAT THE HELL?!??!?! I'M SO MADDDD!!!!

I'm already angry and we haven't even started yet. Kate was going to have a katana???? And Gabe was gonna get a fucking AXE??????? WHY DID WE NOT GET THESE THINGS??!?!?!?!! Also, JAVIER IS SO FUCKING SLOW. I also played all of season 3 in one day lmao.

E1 - I’ll never not find the opening amazing. It’s so well done and just that, “No, Yaya. Pipo’s awake.” with the cut is so damn good. They did a really good job with that. However, I do have to complain when we get to present day because Mariana looks just as old as Clem and Gabe. She’s supposed to be 10 while they’re 13 and 14, which I don’t buy just from looking at her. Like, I thought she and Gabe were twins the first time I saw them. ALSO Mariana has an eyebrow slit and cuffs her pants. Bisexual confirmed.

I love the reintroduction to Clementine. She’s such a badass and her, “How about I shoot you and take the van anyway?” is just YASS QUEEN. She’s such a baddie and I love it. I think it’s kind of dumb that you get locked up if you tell a believable lie, but you’re allowed to roam free if you tell the questionable truth. It just doesn’t make sense. As Tripp, I would have done it the other way around.

I’ll always be so mad about Mari’s death. I wish they would have kept her alive because it would have been totally doable. Have that moment of shock come from Kate getting shot in the stomach and make us question if she’s alive until we run over to her. That way, we still get the anger and the reason to go to Richmond, but this sweet little child gets to come along. I would have loved to see her reaction with seeing David again because she would see how bad he was immediately, unlike Gabe.

E2 - I didn't get into Kate and David's fight because I don't care and it has no impact. The only time we see Gabe with his axe is him just using it on an already dead walker, which is bull. Calling him pudding boy makes the game much more enjoyable, 10/10 would recommend (I’m literally Louis, I had to use spellcheck for that word). Thanks CallMeKevin.

Conrad annoys the hell out of me this episode just because of how pissy he is with Clem. I know he just lost his wife or girlfriend or something, but no one shall mess with Clemmy without feeling the full force of my anger. I hate giving her up to Richmond. This episode is pretty boring, tbh. I wish they would have just combined 1 and 2 (I know it was originally all one episode) and just given us 4 because not a whole lot interesting happened. Definitely ranked last out of my favorite episodes for season 3.

E3 - The flashbacks from Javi just annoy me after the first one. They just have no impact and don't add anything since we know how it ends up anyway. The blowing out the candle and closing the door transitions were beautiful though. Tripp is all like "I didn't even know you had a brother" like bruh you met Javi two days ago and you've hardly talked to each other about anything other than what's been going on.

I think episode 3 is one of my favorites because it has a lot of good moments and hard choices in it. I'm really surprised that only 56% of people chose to bring Max back to Richmond, like, I thought a lot of people would go for that. I really don't understand Clint still backing Joan after they all learn she was behind the raids. From the little bit we get from his character, he seems to prefer peace and negotiation rather than violence so I don't understand how he lets this all happen. Lingard makes sense because how else would his addiction get fed, but Clint siding with her, I just don't understand. However, the cliffhanger if you don't bring Max is like a million times better.

E4 - Clem getting her period is always such a thing for me. Like, this girl has never had a constant in her life, so here she is asking a total stranger what periods are because she doesn't understand. I always have Javi explain to her because he totally realizes that she has no parental figure and thus never learned anything or that menstrual cycles used to be a "taboo" subject for a lot of people.

David is so GRRRR. Like, bruh, I just took a good ass deal and you have the aUDACITY TO SHOOT THE MAN???!?!!? THEN YOU BLAME ME?!?!!?!?! WTF!?!!! Also, I love how Javi is literally like “let me just hide behind these civilians” while he’s getting shot at lmao.

I did such a bad, y'all. When Kate was driving to the square, I was jokingly saying "what if I just let her hit me" because I thought it would be funny because I have such a hard time playing season 3 seriously just because it's my least favorite. But I was like "nah I don't wanna have to replay a section" so I pushed the dodge button bUT APPARENTLY I WASN'T FAST ENOUGH AND CONRAD PUSHED ME OUT OF THE WAY AND GOT HIT!!?!?!?!! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT COULD HAPPEN!!! I THOUGHT HE LIVED FOR GOOD IF YOU GOT HIM THROUGH EPISODE 3?!?!?!! I'M SO UPSET ASDFGHJKL

E5 - I’m so fuckingn mad about Conrad. I’d rather Kate have died than him lol. I’m so angry. I told her that she killed him because I’m still so damn salty about it. I’m never getting over that shit. Fucking BULL.

I have such mixed feelings about David during this episode. Like, he loses his shit a lot during episode 5 with the whole Fern/Rufus thing then again when Kate fuckin outs y’all at the worst possible time. But the reason I get so conflicted about him is because of that scene on the roof. I think he’s a shitty person for thinking a soldier can’t also be a husband or a father because that’s wrong on so many levels.

But I also really feel sympathy for him when he talks about if he hasn’t changed because he doesn’t know how or if it’s impossible to change who you really are. Because, in my opinion, people can change - but he brings up a really interesting point here. People can change, but to what extent? Are they happy about the change or do they miss the way things were? Did they change because it was something they wanted or was it for someone else? He just really makes me think here and the way he questions himself like that makes me feel very connected with him in a strange way, simply because I ask myself a lot of the same things.

I was so freaking worried when it came to everyone splitting up, you have no damn idea lmao. Even though I don’t like Kate, I still wanted to get the “happy ending” so I was so fucking thankful when Clem said she’d go with whoever I didn’t since that’s the only way to get both her and Gabe. Speaking of which, he’s fucking adorable. I know a lot of people find him annoying, and I did too at first, but he’s just a really sweet kid.

I’m excited to go back through the game and actually make the choices I want to make lol.

[ahyesthesufferingoftvteens]

Just the Way You Are

I decided to IDK...write a ReeKai fic...cause why not?

Letting y’all know I might regret writing this tomorrow and might delete it, IDK XD.

Rated T for some swearing.

So here, have this bullshit I wrote in three days:

“...Hey...Kai’s been acting weird lately, don’t you think?”

Adam’s question startled Reeve.

He was, once again, extremely close with his old friends Mira and Adam. The entire “second round” incident, as everyone liked to call it, changed his relationship with the two for the better, especially with Adam. The two fought way less than they did before he even eavesdropped on their conversation with Mira.

He was also fairly close with Vanessa as well. He looked passed her mistakes, and she’s been a pretty chill person to hang out with. All three of these people, he could say with confidence, he could read pretty well. He could usually tell how they felt with each moment.

...Him and Kai though...

He could tell that Kai was also pretty close with Mira and Adam, and they’ve developed a special sibling bond with Vanessa it seems. But despite the fact that both of them are very close with the same friends...they never really interacted with each other.

Sure, him and Kai would sometimes converse with each other, but it wasn’t often, and always with the others, where it was more a group chat than anything. Him and Kai were simply acquaintances. Acquaintances that got along pretty well, but it never became anything more than that. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested in getting to know the red-head better...it just kind of...never happened. The two only ever saw each other when someone from the group was also around.

Adam’s question startled Reeve because, unlike the others, who probably instantly noticed these changes Adam was referring to, Reeve only realized the change in that exact moment. Because he wasn’t close to Kai, he didn’t pay attention to him much. It was only when he quickly looked back at his interactions with Kai this month that he realized that, yes, Kai was acting a bit strange.

The dork was the type to stick chopsticks up his mouth and make walrus noises as a joke. The type to develop gadgets that had a 50/50 chance of either working spectacularly or burn the house down. Luckily he had his fire controlling powers, which he gloated about every 10 minutes or so. Kai was a fucking nerd, but not in a bad way, at least to Reeve. Kai’s quirks were charming.

...Lately however, Kai had begun to quiet down. He spoke less often, and the topics he brought up were a lot more general. “Have you heard of the latest Movie Weirdie implemented! A cult classic! I’ve always wanted to watch it!” Was replaced with, “So how was your day?” He gloated less, he didn’t do the stupid chopstick thing anymore, and most importantly...he looked sad.

“...Now that I think about it...yeah...he kind of has...” Reeve responded, shifting his comfortable position on Adam’s couch, and pausing Fire emblem on his switch.

Adam had returned from his trip to the kitchen, placing the last bowl of popcorn onto the nearby coffee table. 5 in total, for five people. It was movie night, and the others haven’t arrived yet. “I want to talk with him later...ask him what’s going on. I’m worried, he isn’t himself.”

“So why haven’t you?” Reeve questioned his best friend, who sighed and shook his head, collapsing into the couch behind him, and pushing Reeve’s feet out of the way. “I’ve been trying to speak with him in private for a week now. He always has some sort of excuse. Heck, sometimes he even says he has to leave early! Remember a few days ago at the fair, when Kai announced his parents called and he needed to go home to deal with some issues? That was directly after I asked him if we could talk in private near the river.”

Reeve narrowed his eyes at this piece of information. It was definitely worrying. “...Suspicious.” Reeve commented. “...What do you think could be wrong though-”

“Sup guys!” Shouted a familiar, lilting voice, who barged through the door and appeared from the doorway to the living room. Vanessa was, as usual, stylishly dressed for the occasion. Mira, meanwhile, who followed shortly behind, was dressed for comfort first. “...You two look gloomy. Is something wrong?” Mira inquired.

The girls were quickly filled in by Adam, who both instantly agreed with his reasoning. “Yeah, Kai has been acting strange lately!” Vanessa sighed out, gently massaging her neck. “I’ve asked him time and time again if he was OK and every time I ask he looks more and more depressed!”

“...Yeah, something’s definitely off about Kai...especially since he texted me he’s not coming over a few minutes ago.”

Everyone gawked at Mira’s confession.

Kai never missed movie night. Everyone had opted out at least once, but not him. Kai was the one that started the entire thing in the first place! And he used to pick all the movies before they all established a rotation system recently.

This night would have been Kai’s turn to pick the movie, but he surprisingly declined. “I don’t have anything good I can think of right now. Sorry! Vanessa can go ahead and pick one.” Was what they remembered him saying. That alone was weird, but ditching movie night? Absolutely bizarre!

“...That’s it.” Adam grumbled, abruptly sitting up from his couch. “I’m driving to Kai’s house.”

“Adam you’re grounded right now, you can’t go anywhere outside of the house.” Mira reasoned as she crossed her arms. Adam wasn’t convinced. “My parents would understand!” He stated.

“One of your parents teaches math, which you are failing right now. It’s a miracle they even let you host movie night in the first place with how much they want you to study right now.” Vanessa’s comment silenced Adam, and after a moment, he flopped back down onto the couch, grumbling about how it wasn’t fair that he was grounded for the week just for getting a few Ds on his recent tests. Those were flukes!

“...I’ll go check on him?”

Mira, Vanessa, and Adam turned to Reeve, who had placed his switch on the coffee table. He looked perfectly calm on the outside, but on the inside, he was beginning to panic.

Why did he suggest that?! Mira’s much more suited to this kind of comfort stuff, not him! He’s not that close to Kai anyways! He simply wasn’t the right person for the job!

...But...this was an excuse to finally try and connect with Kai...Was that why?

“...You sure?” Mira questioned, confusion clear with her furrowed eyebrows. “Because...I can go instead, you don’t have to-”

“It’s fine.” Reeve reassured his other friend, sealing his fate and lifting himself off the oh so comfortable couch. “...Just...tell me where he lives...”

Huge.

Kai really was rich off his ass, as he had heard from the others. The mansion was huge, and the front yard was spectacularly decorated. For a moment he just sat there, admiring the scene before him.

But then he saw...was was it called, a gazebo? Close by the front of the house, and in it, he could see Kai’s body, lying lazily along the benches inside.

It was only when he sprinted closer, out of worry, that he realized Kai was actually awake. They stared blankly at nothing, their eyes dull. They looked almost as if their mind was in a completely different world.

Now that Reeve was directly standing in front of the entrance, He could now see Reeve. It only took his name being called for the red-head to snap out of his trance. He looked absolutely confused, his eyes bulging. He abruptly stood up from the bench and cleared his throat, trying to calm himself down. “...R-Reeve!” He laughed out awkwardly. “...Didn’t expect to see you here. Didn’t know you knew where I lived!”

“I...didn’t...Mira gave me your address a few minutes ago.” Reeve answered. Kai raised an eyebrow at this, but didn’t comment, simply muttering a small “oh” under his mouth.

Awkward silence hung between the two, slowly suffocating them until Kai formed another question in his brain. “...So uh...” He began, trailing his fingers along the gazebo fence. “...Why are you here? I mean...it’s movie night after all...don’t you want to hang out with the others?”

Reeve was quick to explain. “We were all worried when you said you weren’t coming, it’s not like you...so I came over to check on you.”

“...Oh! That’s...really nice of you!” Kai remarked, showcasing an overly cheerful smile. “But I’m fine really! I just have some stuff to do at home! Real busy you know! I have to help prepare the mansion for some guests that are coming over tomorrow! Wish I could come!”

An obvious lie. “...Oh, so you’re taking a break right now?”

Kai nearly choked at Reeve’s reasoning, but quickly regained composure and nodded vigorously. “Y-Yeah! I have around 10 to 20 more minutes before I have to get back to work!”

Awkward staring was met with awkward staring.

...

...

...

The tension is mind-crushing, holy shit.

Kai cleared his throat, avoiding Reeve’s gaze. “So, anyways, you should probably drive back to Adam’s place! I don’t want to interrupt your fun! Tell the others I’m fine-”

“I-It’s not just that!”

Kai’s smile faltered a bit. He seemed more than shocked. “...Oh...um...” He scratched his head, and let out a strained laugh. “...What’s up?”

“...I just...I want to say I’m sorry for being mean to you, back in the first round...and...I want to get to know you better.” He explained. Although that wasn’t the main reason he was here...he couldn’t say his excuse to stay was a lie either. “We don’t...we haven’t really hung out that much...y’know? Figured now would be a good time...to just...chat.” Don’t break your stone cold demeanor now Reeve. You have a reputation to uphold. “...So...Is it OK if I come inside? I won’t be a bother or anything. I told everyone they could start the movie without me...they picked a shitty one anyways.”

Fuck, he was so nervous. Why? This isn’t like him...maybe it’s a result of the awkwardness from before. It was screwing with him.

Kai stood stiff as a rock, his mouth slightly agape as he stared at Reeve intently.

It was only after a few moments of silence that Kai finally nodded a slow, small yes, fidgeting with his shirt sleeves.

“...O...k.”

Reeve wasn’t much of a tea person. Yet here he was, sipping some freshly prepared chamomile tea. It was weird, how it actually didn’t taste as bad as the batch his grandma made him try once.

He watched Kai almost gather all the ingredients for a chocolate shake, but then put them all back in their proper places and made some hibiscus tea instead. He didn’t seem to enjoy it that much, as he took a small sip and sat stiffly on an armchair.

They were in some sort of fancy, parlor room. Wide, spacious, and rather modern styled. Reeve himself was sitting in the armchair opposite to Kai, a coffee table separating the two.

For a good while they just asked random questions about each other. Reeve indulged, mostly so he could eventually transition to the main reason he was here. “What’s your favorite color?” Was the first question Kai asked, which showed just how tense they both were. He obviously responded with red, and Kai responded with blue.

“...Weird, considering your power, I figured you’d like a more warm color.” Reeve commented. Kai shrugged in response. “I don’t think about aesthetic choice when it comes to power choosing...it’s more what complements my team.”

“...Have you...ever had any pets?”

“...What is this some weird version of twenty questions?” Kai giggled out, rubbing his hand against his face. “...God we’re...so awkward...”

Reeve, for some reason, couldn’t help but chuckle a bit in response. “...I mean, we don’t know each other that well, so might as well get the basic facts down...” Reeve reasoned. Kai seemed to agree, with the small smile he gave. “I had a pet cockatoo named Chipper when I was...around 8? They...flew out of my window when I was 10...I never saw them again...you?”

“Pet-less all my life...I remember when I was like...a toddler, I constantly begged my parents to let me get a cat...but it never happened.”

Back and forth, back and forth. Question after question was answered. And slowly, Reeve noted just how different him and Kai were.

Kai wasn’t that close to his parents, and vice versa. Reeve’s parents were over-doting, constantly hovering over him like a helicopter. Kai was obviously extroverted despite his awkward tendencies, and Reeve was more introverted. He liked his alone time. Kai could explain any and every piece of tech, not only due to his powers, but because those were his interests. Reeve was more the artsy type. He didn’t know what to do with a gadget, but he liked to sketch in a notebook he has at home.

Kai and him were almost opposites, counterparts. The only things they had in common were their love for video games and comic books, and their similar friends. These differences intrigued Reeve a lot. He saw a side of the world that Kai had lived in his entire life.

“Oh come on, superman would totally win in a fight with batman! It would take me more than a minute to list all of his powers!”

“Superman is too good-natured to kill someone and Batman is not. It’s not about powers, it’s about will, and Batman has the will that Superman doesn’t.”

Kai let out an annoyed huff, and crossed his arms. “...I mean, I guess it depends, Some of the comics portray Superman as the winner while in others Batman wins. The comic writers can’t make up their minds either...My favorite showdown between them was probably in...Justice League Origi...”

The way Kai trailed off at the end concerned Reeve, greatly. He looked shameful, like He made a grave mistake. Fidgeting with his shirt sleeves. Kai attempted an awkward smile, although it didn’t reach his eyes. “...But I mean...you’re probably not interested in me ranting about that, sorry...”

Reeve remembers seeing Kai do this before.

He’d speak about a topic he was passionate about, pour his entire soul into it, and then just...shut down, discarding the topic like some embarrassing photo he didn’t want people to see.

“...Hey...” Reeve spoke up. It was now or never. “...Are you sure you’re ok?”

Kai jumped at the question, and attempted to wave Reeve’s concern away with a forced giggle. “Oh, I’m fine! I just don’t want to annoy you! Let’s change the subject-”

“Don’t lie to me Kai.” Reeve growled out, silencing Kai’s excuse. “You’ve been acting weird this entire month. You haven’t been yourself at all. Everyone is worried about you.”

What Reeve didn’t expect was for Kai’s expression to harden, and for him to glare daggers at his lap. “...So that’s why you’re here huh...” He accused lowly. “Tell our friends who sent you here that I’m fine. Ok? There’s nothing wrong.”

“...Kai.” Reeve began his explanation. He was confused that Kai would assume he was doing this because he had no choice. “I volunteered to come over. I’m not doing this against my will-”

“Bullshit!” Kai stood up from his armchair, tears threatening to escape his eyes as he breathed heavily. ““I want to get to know you better” My ass! Why would you...” Kai trailed off for a moment, the tears spilling down his cheeks. “...Why would you want to hang out with me? The worthless fifth wheel of this group...why would...you want to be friends with someone like me.”

Muffled sobs filled the room as Kai hid his face into his hands and attempted to control his crying. It took a while for Reeve to process everything Kai said, but before long he had stood up from his armchair and walked towards Kai,hesitantly gripping his arms. Kai flinched at first, but didn’t struggle.

“...I...” Kai sobbed out in his hands. “...I’ve been trying to be more likeable...be less annoying for you all-”

“Is that what this is all about?” Reeve questioned softly. Kai nodded hesitantly. “...Kai...We don’t think you’re annoying at all. Everything about you is distinctly you. We love those parts about you...” Reeve, after a moment of reluctance, cupped Kai’s cheeks, and slowly coerced Kai to removed their hands from their face. “I mean, even I think you’re great...You’re quirks are charming.”

“...I-I thought...I thought you of all people hated me...” Kai strained out, small hiccups erupting from his throat as his snot filled face was shown for Reeve to see. “I think you’re really cool, you know that? You’re calm, and collected, and you read the mood well. You never make a fool of yourself. I was...never a worthy replacement for you, and now that you’re back...” Kai jerked his head away, and hid it from Reeve’s view as it faced the ground. “Adam and Mira...don’t need me anymore...I mean...that’s why they picked me to be in their team. There was an opening, and I was available...”

Reeve's heart tightened at Kai’s comment, as they stared intently at the floor, avoiding his gaze. He was partially responsible for Kai’s current insecurities. He couldn’t help but wonder, if he had tried to get to know Kai better earlier on, would this situation have happened in the first place?

His stern expression faltered, and was replaced with a guilty frown. “...Kai...I....hey, look at me.” He once more had to lift their head up, which they resisted at first, but eventually complied, and stared directly at Reeve, threatening to crumble at the sincere gaze they were met with.

“Listen...whoever told you these things, you need to stop listening to them right now.” Reeve commanded, almost begged. “You are not just my replacement. You were never that. If Mira and Adam secretly think so, then fuck them. You are you, and you aren’t going to make yourself happy by changing your very core, the thing that makes you you, just to please others. That happiness is only going to come if you love yourself, good and bad.”

The advice just came flowing through him. To him it was simple logic, and it wasn’t sure if it would even help, but according to Kai’s absolutely shocked expression. He supposed he at the very least reached Kai’s heart with those words.

“...Love myself?” Kai nearly whispered. Reeve was quick to nod a yes.

“...How?”

It was a question that left Reeve stuck in place for a good minute, as he removed his hands from Kai’s body, and massaged his temples for inspiration, for an idea that would answer Kai’s question.

Eventually though, that idea came in a flash, and he snapped his fingers, gripping Kai’s hand, much to their surprise. “Not that I’m an expert on this stuff but, let’s try something real quick. I’ll drive you there.”

“...Reeve, I don’t know about this...” Kai muttered as he stood on the thick railing of a bridge, which created a path over a chest deep river.

Reeve sat close by, on the same railing, his phone in hand. “...Listen, just, you know those pep-talks people give themselves while staring at a mirror?” Kai was quick to nod a yes, and Reeve continued. “...I want to you shout about all your good qualities on this bridge.”

“W-what!?” Kai shrieked out, earning the attention of the few passersby on the bridge. “T-there are people here Reeve I-I can’t...o-oh god they’re staring-”

“Sometimes you have to push yourself to extremes. The point of this is to teach you how to not give a fuck about what other people think about you.”

“B-but what do I say? I...don’t have anything nice to say about myself.”

“...Hey...just look at me for a minute...” And Kai did so, finding himself somewhat relaxed by Reeve’s chill energy. “Just shout the first good thing that comes to mind. Don’t try to deconstruct, just say it first thing...you got this.”

Kai, which shaking legs, slowly nodded, slowly breathed in, and shut his eyes tight. “...I have pretty hair!”

The red-head felt a brief moment of relief, before he peaked an eye open, beholding the groups of eyes that stared intently at him, judging his overly loud self-compliment. Immediately he crouched down, hiding his face, but felt a warm, firm hand on his shoulder.

Turning his head to the side a bit, he saw Reeve, still in that same spot, his eyes non-judging. “...The world didn’t end, did it?”

Kai looked around the bridge once more, and everyone went on with their lives. He wasn’t torn apart for his supposed sin. The world didn’t explode. He was fine.

Most importantly, Reeve himself didn’t think of him any less. “You’re not wrong you know.” Reeve reassured, focusing his attention on his phone once more. “Auburn’s a pretty color.”

On Reeve’s phone, was a text he had recently sent to Mira, along with a few replies.

Reeve: Had a talk with Kai, but he aint goin to come, we talkin things out, he’ll be fine

Mira: I’m super glad he’s doing better, but PLEASE CONVINCE HIM TO COME AND PICK A MOVIE!?!

Mira: VANESSA PICKED SPICE WORLD JUST FOR THE KICKS!!! PLEASE HELP US!?!

“H-hey!” Kai gained Reeve’s attention from his phone, and he raised an eyebrow, ready to hear what Kai had to say.

“...You can help out you know!” They said with a bright blush, late evening sky glowing his face. “...C-could you...compliment me more? Please?”

Reeve in that moment was completely consumed in the moment, studying each feature of the boys face.

“...You’re pretty cute, you know that?”

His complement escaped his throat without a single breath, or thought. Kai’s eye’s widened and sparkled at the sentence he quickly regretted saying out loud.

...But then Kai smiled...like...truly smiled. Letting out the most charming laugh he had ever heard. When he saw how happy they were, he instantly ceased his regret.

“I-I can’t! Y-you can’t be serious!” Kai accused in near tears, wiping his eyes and tilting his head ever so slightly. “Y-you’re joking right? Me? Cute? No way-”

“Dude I know plenty of friends who would die for the opportunity to have a cup of coffee with you.” Reeve justified his statement, a wide smirk on his face as he elbowed Kai. “Remember what this is about man. You heard me say it! Now you go say it to the world. Stand up already!”

Kai nodded, and quickly stood straight up. “I’m absolutely adorable!” He said without hesitation. Slowly opening his eyes, they sparkled with excitement, and he let out a soft giggle.

Reeve’s phone dinged, signaling another text from Mira, but Reeve ignored it. He shoved the phone in his pocket as he admired the boy before him.

You really are...

You’re amazing just the way you are...

[shannygoatgruff]

Grown & SeXY - Chapter 1

Header made by the talented @flowers-in-your-hayr

For @youbloodymadgenius for your 400 Followers Writing Challenge.  Congrats on your success!

Genre:  Romance/Comedy

Pairing:  Modern Ivar x Mature OC

Warning: Language/mild angst/Sexual content

Rating: M

Summary: A relationship between Generations X & Y will help this XX & XY learn a lot about themselves, each other, and love.  Cougar/cub relationships aren’t always just about a midlife crisis and arm candy.

A/N:  I got the concept for this story from a conversation I was having with @youbloodymadgenius.  I hope I do it justice.  This story is for you!

Chapter 1 

Oh, hey girl, hey!

Chile, do I have some tea to spill!  

This tea is piping hot, lemon-honey, tea with a hint of peppermint; that’s how good it is.  I have been keeping this in for so long, I’m surprised a bitch hasn’t bit her tongue off trying to keep quiet.  But, I have to talk to somebody about this, and I trust you, girl. We’ve been good girlfriends for a long time now. I know you’re not going to say anything to anybody, right?  I didn’t think so. I knew you were cool.

Okay, so before we begin I need to lay some ground rules. I don’t want to get into this and all of sudden you start feeling some type of way or something, or there be some sort of misunderstanding that we could have settled right here in the beginning.  You know how some people get all uppity and shit. 

First, I’m not a writer - I’m a storyteller and there’s a big fucking difference. Writers, write; they use language as an art form, and shit like grammar and diction is important to them and they usually use them pretty accurately.  Storytellers, like me?  We don’t give a fuck. We paint pictures by speaking the language of the people, so that the bitches in the back can understand what the fuck is going on.  

So, if you don’t want to know about how a bad-ass cougar found herself hooked up with a fucking snack-tastic cub from someone who doesn’t give a fuck all about ending a sentence with a preposition, then, honey, feel free to read something else. If my language is a bit too common or colorful for you, then mayhaps, I could recommend some really well-written Shakespearean Sonnets or the like, by some other real writers.  But if you just want to dish and hear some good shit, then bitch, do I have some gossip to tell you!

Okay, next, the story I’m about to tell you is true. This shit is real and it happened to me my friend.  So, to protect my good girlfriend, I’m going to change the names of the mofos involved. If that means the names of these folks sound made up, it’s because bitch, they are! It’s not like where we live is all that big. You might actually know some of these people and the last thing I want is for you to go run-and-tell-that I said some shit, about so-and-so, when I really didn’t, because I said something else about some bitch that I made up.  

Um, what else?  Oh yeah, everything I’m going to tell you is the gospel, according to me. Even if I wasn’t there, I have been working, like fucking Luther out here in these streets, to piecing this shit together and this is the only version that makes sense.  So if you disagree, fine...fight me.  But you better not ask them; that’s all I know.  We’ve already established the good girlfriend code of conduct. Right?  

Now, if any of this shit starts to sound familiar to you just nod your head and play along.  If you happen to see these people in real-life, just keep going about your business, like you don’t know anything.  Don’t give them a side-eye, or raise the obligatory eyebrow when you see them.  Definitely don’t be like that bitch Shelly that time I told her that stuff about Erik and Angie.  Do you know that bitch put everybody on blast and was like, “I knew he looked the type to eat booty,” all loud and shit in the Target.  

You can’t be telling the church’s business to the entire Target like that!  You are supposed to see them in the store, nod, and keep it fucking moving.  What I’m telling you ain’t nobody’s business and they definitely don’t need to know that you know all the shit that went down with them. You know what?  Matter of fact, I’m going to send you a non-disclosure contract in your email.  Just sign it and send it back. I don’t want zero problems, big fella.

Okay, now that we got the formalities out of the way, and everybody knows how the fuck to act, what’s next?  Why am I giving you the gossip?  I’m doing this shit to save your life, bitch because I care.  See, this is a story about being grown and sexy.  Yes, bitch!  Say it again!  GROWN & SEXY!!!  And we all will be grown and sexy, one day.

I know, you probably think grown & sexy means all about getting the “D”. Well, it is…but not really.  Don’t get me wrong, we’re going to get to that. There will be plenty of pipe laid.  How the hell can you be grown & sexy without some feel good? But, it’s about a movement - a way of life.  It’s a phase you go through when you get to a point where you are living your best life and just don’t give a fuck anymore.  

Listen Linda, this story here, isn’t just about sex, it’s about timing.  See, look at all the young bitches, rolling their eyes. They just want to hit it and quit it. I can’t with them.  I’m not even addressing them and their foolishness.  In fact, all the young bitches, y’all can feel free to exit - stage left, please.  

The rest of us, that are past all that thotting and trotting, we know that the universe has a fucked up sense of humor and it only gives us these short ass life spans, filled with teeny-tiny windows of opportunity to cram all of this amazing shit into. Then, on one side, we have one cosmic force presenting something fantastic, while another on the other side, there is another force that throws mad shade.  Of course, we pay attention to the shady shit and usually miss out on that brief moment of something that could have made us really fucking happy.  Don’t worry, I’m not about to start talking about astrology, or reading crystals.  Besides my horoscope, I don’t know what any the fuck any of that means.   

What it means to what the fuck I’m talking about is, this could be considered a cautionary tale about missed opportunities, or being so wrapped up in your own bullshit that you can’t see a good thing when it was right in front of you.  It’s definitely about family, growing up, acceptance and happiness; about finding and loving yourself and then being able to show that love to someone else.  

Of course, you can’t have all that good shit without the bad. So, let’s see…I’ll throw in some insecurities, doubt, utter stupidity, realizing that just because something looks and feels good, doesn’t mean it’s right.  Hell, my story this story, may even be about having to break your own heart to save someone else’s. Ah, we’ll see if I can actually get to that part. It’s not I got all damn day, you know?

So…where do I begin?  

Oh, okay.  You know that club, Bottom’s Up, on the corner of Fourth and Lexington?  The one with that has the pool tables on the upper level and that cute little Karaoke room?  Well that’s where all this shit started… 

There were a lot of people at Bottom’s Up for a Wednesday night. 

Ivar already had an attitude because he was late.  He knew that showing up even a few minutes late for the weekly pool game with his siblings meant that he wouldn’t get to pick his opponent and if he got stuck playing against Bjorn one more time, he was going to quit showing up to these fucking games all together. 

He hated playing Bjorn.  No matter what he tried, he could never beat his oldest brother. Most of the time, he never even got a chance to get his cue on the table when he played against him.  If he had any other sibling as his opponent, he stood a fair chance of winning, but he was sure that Bjorn cheated.  It was enough to piss him off just thinking about it.

Ivar glanced at the small landing where the pool tables were and saw the five varying shades of blonde hair just as the top of the stairs.  Damn, they were all already there.  They had probably already picked games, meaning he was going to have another shitty night at shooting pool. There went his chance of getting back the money Sigurd took off of him last week.  He needed that money, too.  He was running low on gas and his brakes started making a loud squeaking sound this morning.  Now, if he could just play against Ubbe...he knew for sure he could double their bet and make all of his money back, and then some.  

Deciding to get a drink before he met his family upstairs, he made his way to the bar, and signaled for the bartender.  While he waited he carefully tried to remove his jacket without bumping into anyone.  Where the fuck did all these people come from?  They had been coming to this lounge for a few months and on Wednesdays there were never more than 25 people in there.  It wasn’t like it was wall-to-wall people in there now, but it was definitely enough to make him feel annoyed.  

Plus, all those extra people were making it hot in there. Maybe he shouldn’t have worn a long sleeve t-shirt, after all.  But with all the rain and cold nights, lately, he wasn’t quite sure how to dress.  The shirt, a thin pale blue cotton, was a deep V-neck, showing the top of his muscular pecs and just a hint of his shoulder tat that trailed over to the center of his chest, was tucked lazily into the front of his distressed, blue jeans and left hanging out of the back.  A pair of brown Timberland shoes completed his outfit, giving him that ‘I’m not trying too hard to look like I’m trying to look good’, look.  Believe me, he wore it well.  

“What can I get you?”  The bartender asked walking over to where Ivar stood, pouring beers from the tap for other patrons further down the bar.

“Can I get a Jame…,” As soon as he started talking he heard a feminine voice coming from his left. He stopped mid-sentence and looked to see where the voice was coming from, “Oh, I’m sorry,” he said smiling at the shorter woman next to him.  When she turned her head toward him and offered him a smile, his posture changed. “I didn’t see you.  Please, go ahead.”

She raised her brows and continued smiling at him, “Thanks.”  Man, he was a cutie, but she was sent to the bar for drinks, not dicks.  Turning back to face the bartender, she restarted her order, “Um, I need a Johnny Walker Blue, a Malibu and Pineapple, and a Captain & Diet.”  She turned back to him and bowed, a sign for him to continue with his order.

“I’ll just take a Jameson,” Ivar told the bartender.  When he turned back to the woman, he noticed she had turned away from him and was looking at her phone.  As casually as he could, he leaned his head to the side to get a look at her full body.  She couldn’t have been more than 5’3”, even with the heel on those boots. She had a great complexion, the chartreuse wrap shirt with bell sleeves brought the olive tones out in her caramel skin and softened her chocolate eyes.  And of course, Ivar wondered how in the hell did a woman with an ass and hips that size and a waist that small, found jeans that fit.  He found himself raising his brow at the thought.   

This was awkward.  He wanted to say something to her, but she didn’t seem to notice that he was even standing there.  He couldn’t remember a time in recent history when a woman didn’t notice him, or when he had to start a conversation. What exactly was he supposed to say, anyway?  If he wasn’t drunk or being pursued, he wasn’t quite sure how this was supposed to go.  

Just why wasn’t she trying to talk to him, anyway?  He looked good tonight, he just got his hair cut and this was a new shirt. The silver herringbone necklace and the pale blue of his shirt, made his eyes look more of a steel blue, which he thought was the most attractive on him.  He smelled good - he had taken some cologne out of his father’s bathroom and claimed it as his own.  It smelled good on his dad, so he knew it smelled good on him.  What the hell was this lady’s problem?

“I’m sorry, but I think I know you from somewhere.”  The woman spoke, pulling Ivar out of his head for a moment.  When he turned to face her, she was facing him with her hand on her hip and her brows were knitted together, as she tried to think. “Oh my God, that sounded like a line, didn’t it? I swear, it’s not. You just look so familiar.”

Ivar chuckled.  For a minute there he thought he was losing his touch.  “No, it doesn’t sound like a line at all.”  He easily rested his arm on the bar, as he turned to face her, shortening the distance them. “I’m sure I would remember meeting someone as beautiful as you before.” 

Her eyes widened uncomfortably, as she tried to take a half step back before she bumped into the stool next to her.  She turned to see what she had bumped into before turning back to him.  He was cute and all, but that’s not why she started talking to him.  What was with guys these days? “Aww, thanks. That’s really sweet, but…”

“I’m sure, not half as sweet as you are,” Ivar licked his bottom lip, and his long lashes blinked over his beautiful blue eyes, momentarily catching her off guard.  

“Oh, honey,” she dared to reach out and touch him.  Damn, he had a nice arm. She could feel the large expanse of his bicep flex under her hand as her fingers drummed against it, “I’m sure I have shoes older than you.” 

Ivar shrugged.  What did that have to do with anything?  “You’re only as old as you feel…”

“Hey,” Another masculine voice came from behind them, followed by a swift smack to the back of Ivar’s head, “you buying for everyone?” Ivar rolled his eyes before he turned around to face his brother. Narrowing his eyes at the older, taller man, he cursed the fact that they were related. 

“Oh. My. God!”  The woman next to Ivar said shifting her weight to one hip with a huge smile on her face. If Ivar thought she was pretty before, she was absolutely beautiful when she gave a genuine smile. “Bjorn Ragnarsson?” 

“Soli?”  Bjorn made this weird groaning sound as he bent down and picked the small woman up from the floor, wrapping her in a bear hug.  “Oh my, God!  I haven’t seen you in forever.  How have you been?”

Who the hell was this woman and how the hell did she know his brother? Ivar stood back watching the scene unfold and tried to stop his lip from curling. “I’m good!  We just moved back a little over a year ago.  How are you, BJ?  How’s your family?”

“We’re good.  My parents are still in the neighborhood.”  Bjorn tried his best not to smile at the look on Ivar’s face, “Everybody else is doing fine.  And I see you’ve found Baby Ivey here?”’ 

“Nooooooo!” she shrieked, cheeks turning red, “This is Baby Ivey?” She held her hand down by her knee to the height she remembered him as a toddler, then looking up at the sexy man that towered over her now, “Little Ivar Ragnarsson…well fuck me.  That’s why you look so familiar.”  This time she patted his thigh in what she hoped was in a platonic fashion. “I know you don’t remember me, but I was really good friends with your sister.”  She chuckled when he shook his head, “I think you went to school with my son, too. Miguel Larson.” 

Miguel Larson?  Who the hell was Miguel Larson?  The only Larson he knew from high school was this annoying, skinny kid who was into anime… “Wait, Mani Larson?”  No fucking way.  Did she just nod?  She was Mani Larson’s mom?  Mani Larson was only like two years younger than him.  What was happening here?  There was no way in hell that this woman had a kid his age.  

“Yeah, bro.  Me, Soli & Gyda all went to high school together.  She even turned me down when I asked her to my senior prom.” Bjorn placed his hand over his heart and pouted his lip as if he was hurt.  

Shaking her head, Soli reached over and squeezed Bjorn’s chest as he flexed under his shirt for her.  She opened her mouth in shock and appreciation, “Oh, my God.  I know right?  How drunk was I? What the fuck was wrong with me?”

Could Bjorn’s grin get any bigger?  He was enjoying this.  He could read Ivar’s body language from upstairs when he saw him at the bar.  He just knew from the way he was standing down there, that instead of being upstairs with the family, his brother was trying to push up on some girl at the bar. That’s the only reason that he came downstairs to fuck with him.  But, not only did Bjorn get to run into an old friend, he also got to cock-block his little brother. The gods were smiling on him today. “Soli and Gyda were cheerleaders when I was on the football team.”

“How is Gyda?” Soli asked, turning to the bar to push her drinks closer to her and slide the bartender her credit card.  She missed the little eye exchange between the brothers in the process.

Bjorn turned around to scan the raised platforms where the pool tables were, “She’s here, actually.  We come here for our weekly pool game.  She would die to see you.”

“Okay.  Let me take this stuff over to my girls, and I’ll come up and find you guys in a few.”  Hugging him one more time and squeezing his arms for good measure, Soli shook her head in disbelief, “I can’t believe I ran into you, BJ.  It’s so good to see you.”  She turned around to face Ivar who was standing there watching his brother and what he had hoped was going to be his conquest for the evening chatting it up like two girlfriends, “It was nice to see you again, too, Ivar.”  She wasn’t sure if she should be embarrassed for him, or humiliated for herself, at the moment. 

“Yeah, you too, Mrs. Larson.”  Mrs. Larson…what the fuck?  He just wanted to leave out the bar and come back in to start the night over.

She held up a finger to him to stop him from calling her that hideous name, “I haven’t been Mrs. Larson in a very long time.  I’m just Marisol,”  She tilted her head in such a way that her hair covered part of her face hiding her blush. “But you can call me, Sonni, or Soli.  Whatever,” she shrugged, and tucked her top lip between teeth at the sight of his smile.    

Why were they making these young boys so goddamn cute these days? If they didn’t stop, or if she didn’t get laid soon, she was going have to call the people on herself.  She had known this boy when he was an infant.  

That meant he was around her son’s age, and Mani was what 21-22? So Ivar was born right around the time she graduated from high school?  That was illegal somewhere, right?  Yeah, he was of age. But, whose age?  Mani’s? Oh that was just nasty.  

What the hell did she have in common with a boy that young? Hot, sweaty, animal sex… but other than that?  She was so past that stage in her life.  

No, what she was going to do was go back to her table and enjoy her happy hour, and just before she left for the night, she would go up and see Gyda. She would be staying far the fuck away from this little snack, right there.  She was not going to allow herself to think about whether or not he was old enough to have chest hair, yet, or what that clean-shaven face felt like rubbing against her thighs. 

Ivar could have sworn he swore he saw Soli blush, as she collected her drinks and made her way back to her corner of the lounge.  What in the hell just happened?  Fucking Bjorn, “You dick,” Ivar grabbed his drink and followed behind his brother up the stairs, “What the fuck was that?  She turned me down for the prom…”

Bjorn laughed his way up toward the three tables he and his siblings commandeered.  “You big mad, bro?”  He grabbed his little brother by the shoulders and squeezed lovingly.  Parading Ivar in front of his siblings, he patted his cheek like a child, “I did you a favor.  She would break your heart, balls, and everything else. That, my friend, is not for you.” He turned Ivar to face the direction of Soli’s table, of which they had a clear view. “Guys, Lil’ Man here, thinks he can handle Marisol Peña,”  Bjorn pointed in the direction of the petite, curvy brunette, dancing at the table, sipping on a cocktail through a straw.

“Sonni? My Marisol?” Gyda asked, turning to look at Ivar, “Ivey, Sonni’s my age.”

Bjorn nodded, “Exactly. That, is a grown-ass woman.  You, are still a young Thunder Cat.”

“You sure about that?”  Were they all fucking crazy?  Did they know about him? There was a reason he earned the moniker Ivar “The Boneless” in college: when his third leg came out, that shit was 100% pure muscle! If he was given the chance, he would fuck that forty-something-year-old woman back into her twenties. “Just because you ain’t never had no game, don’t mean that I don’t.”

“Bitch, please,” Bjorn said picking up his beer taking a big swallow. “You ain’t had pussy, since it had you.”

Ivar could feel himself getting irritated. It was Bjorn’s fault that he was sitting up there being heckled by them instead of at the bar still talking to Soli.  Plus, he hated when he was the butt of their jokes and they were all laughing at him. Even Hvitserk was smiling around his hot wings, and he could tell Ubbe was trying to keep a straight face. The only one who wasn’t laughing was Gyda, but she was too busy shooting Bjorn a look that pleaded with him to stop teasing him.    

“Beege…you married every bitch you fucked.  That ain’t game, brah.  That’s being a whipped, bitch.”  Ivar raised his glass to his brother before slamming the entire drink down his throat. “Now are we gonna play or what?”  Grabbing a pool cue off the wall rack, and rolled his eyes. “I’m calling game…Ubbe? You feel like getting your ass beat?” 

For the rest of the night, he tried to act disinterested in what was going on at the table below them, but the truth was every so often, he found himself glancing down to the floor to see if she was still down there or if she was finally on her way up to where they were sitting.  There were quite a few times where they caught each other’s eye, peeking over the railing to see if what the other one was doing.  Each time it happened, they would both smile and turn away.

Ivar didn’t know what it was about her that had him so interested. Maybe it was because no one thought that he could, or maybe it was just because she was beautiful.  Whatever it was, she was a challenge, and he liked it.  This wasn’t going to be the last time Ivar talked to Soli.  He was going to make sure of that.

Alright, so there you have it.  That’s how we they met.  I know, it was just enough to wet your whistle, but I’m just going to let you chew on that tasty little tidbit for a minute. You know I gotta leave you wanting to come back for more, honey...

But seriously, though, I gotta run.  But, we’re going to talk again soon. I gotta tell you about what happened when Marisol told her son that she ran into Ivar. Chiiiillllleeee....  

Master List

Chapter 2

Tags: @youbloodymadgenius @idea-garden @kol--mikaelson @mooniemouse @didiintheblog @waiting4inspiration @tempt-ress @where-beauty-goes-to-die @crazyaboutmotleycrue @oddsnendsfanfics @geekandbooknerd @ivarthebloodyking @honestsycrets   @xbellaxcarolinax  @zuxiezendler @inforapound​  

[lumiereswig]

hey all so i just saw ‘hadestown’ and feel duty bound to tell you fools everything about it because i, too, remember what it is to be lonely and on the internet and too poor to see some snazzy broadway shit

there’s no fanfare or anything. the show opens with all the cast coming on—and obviously the audience is going buckwild, especially with amber gray. (u can tell there’s a lot of great comet fans in the audience.) only once everybody is settled does hermes really TAKE THE STAGE.

and boy does he take it. sassy lil shit knows he owns it and just stands there taking in his audience, before flipping his jacket back with dramatic flare (to show his SNAZZY-ASS SILVER THREADED VEST) and starting to sing. (cue noisy wah-wah trombone.)

the setting is p. clearly a bar; orpheus p. clearly works there. he’s like being artsy with the napkins and shit, blossoming them into roses. eurydice is a traveler; she carries with her, wrapped in brown silk, an alter candle that she lights. (after sassing hermes into giving her a match to light it with.) eurydice balances her candle with the paper rose orpheus later makes and gives to her.

orpheus is pretty childlike and dreaming in this version. (not the cocky boy from the off broadway production.) he comes off as kind of lanky and awkward and not quite there; naive is definitely a defining adjective for him. everything about him is soft and gentle and in a dreaming world.

eurydice is kind of a classic tough girl but she’s got a strand of helplessness to her. she puts on a show of not being impressed by orpheus until he sings her the song he’s working on, and manages to bring a rose into his palm.

environmental collapse is a HUGE theme thru this—bigger than i thought it would be. eurydice’s first lines are about how there’s no spring or autumn anymore; everything is winter or summer, too hot or cold to live. the fates sing of the winds—the fates sort of torment her throughout this—but climate change looms as a dread through the show. orpheus hopes his song will bring back summer, put the seasons back in tune.

anyway, everyone’s hanging out at a new orleans style bar. even hades and persephone are there, though above it all in a balcony of their own

did i mention bradley king is a god among lighting designers?

because that will come back a lot

anyway hermes is sort of an uncle figure to orpheus; he was friends with orpheus’s mother, a muse. as soon as orpheus sees eurydice he wants to talk to her, and hermes advices him not to ‘come on too strong’—

and well that plan goes immediately out the window : ‘come home with me!’ [eurydice: ’what?’]

orpheus is just intensely awkward. skinny pale child doesn’t know how to interact with the world

they have kind of an argumentative relationship from the start—they don’t face each other very often; there’s a push and pull as he longs for her and she, kneejerk tough girl, tries not to go for this. but the rose from his palm enchants her, and she holds on to it. ‘you have to finish your song.’

GODDDD AMBER GRAY IS JUST LIIIIIIIFE. her persephone is a total lush and frequently staggers through act 1. she also has a fabulous white coat that gradients to green at the sleeves. when she dances you can’t tell if she’s about to pass out or float up to the ceiling.

when orpheus gives the toast he’s just so awkward it’s appalling

(and everyone toasts except eurydice)

hades wears sunglasses when he comes to the world above to bring persephone back to the world below. he descends from his balcony to get her, and brings her to the center of the stage—and then, oh, SHIT, there’s a fucking perfect round trap door right where they’re standing, and they descend below. (amber gray looking up to the slowly disappearing sky with the face of a martyr who’s used to the gig.)

winter’s hard. eurydice has to bust back out her old ass coat (instead of the winsome black slip thing and brown vest thing she was wearing), and the Fates, bitches as they be, try to fuckin rip it off her. (and succeed. the choreography looks like wind! also chairs and tables looked like they were floating earlier but i forgot to mention that.)

eurydice is trying to get ORPHEUS’S FUCKIN ATTENTION bout the fact they got no food and, uh, three bitchy old ladies dressed all in gray just took her coat, but he’s submerged in writing his song to bring back the weather. and while this is all going on, hades and persephone are having their age-old argument about how hell is too hot and too loud and IT AIN’T RIGHT, IT AIN’T NATURAL.

because, get this, after descending to hell they descended /back up/ into it, and u can tell cuz the lighting is fuckin genius. i’ll explain later except i won’t.

orpheus is just OUT OF IT and not hearing anything at all eurydice is tryin to fuckin say. (the tune keeps going wrong.) hades is sick of persephone not being with his electric shiny no-good shittiness and lays his eyes on eurydice as easy prey.

he puts on his sunglasses again and u know it’s bad news.

he talks her over and gives her her ‘ticket’—two silver coins that she momentarily holds up over her eyes as she looks at us, letting us know that this is some death imagery. she holds both hades’ coins and orpheus’s flower—and, making up her mind, calls out orpheus’s name one last time and descends into the underworld through that same miraculous trap.

and then, fuck me, the trap comes back up but just the red flower is on it. fuuuuuck meeeeeeee i may have wept.

orpheus finishes his damn song and hermes lets him know that hE FUCKED UP HIS WHOLE DAMN LIFE SHE GONE, BITCH, and orpheus sees the flower on the trap door and then he’s weeping, too.

and then we get to ‘wait for me’ and holy shit, y’all, i never been so fully into something in my life? it was so physically intoxicating i almost wanted to throw up. like, wonder as a liquid beverage. tHE LIGHTING? ? i fuckin felt awe on this earth today, i saw god and he’s lit by bradley king.

because! hades’ workers bring on these industrial metal lamps, and they hook them to the wires in the ceiling, and they SEND THEM SWINGING OUT INTO THE FUCKIGN AUDIENCE. they fuckin—they—they they they!—they fucking did! that! sent them swinging out in perfect rhythm and time, fully lit, swinging around orpheus and into the audience. and tHEN! THE FUCKIN SET! BEGINS TO GROW!!!

remember the first time u saw the nutcracker as a child and the growing christmas tree fuckin ripped ur world apart? it’s like that except times ten thousand

like it felt like. like the fuckin world was coming apart. the bar set is slowly ripping open and golden light is just searing into your eyeballs and the golden lamps are still swinging around orpheus and it literally felt like god had opened up a cold one and was just singing something horrible into being. it was wonder. i want to see it again.

like. stagecraft, babyyy

and u think act 1 will end on that because why would it nOT but no, we get ‘why we build the wall,’ which is a sort of chilling propoganda thing where everybody is facing forward and just telling back to hades whatever he’s yelling about, and persephone is there and i’m not sure why (like does she believe this? is she the unwilling consort? what’s the deal?)

and at the end eurydice comes in, and sort of picks up on the gestures everybody is doing—in that way everyone does when they come into a room and they want to vaguely pass as with it so they try to sync in to the general vibe. ‘uhh sure everyone’s waving their hands and talkin about walls so i guess i will too’, that kind of thing

hades shows her up to his office (the balcony door) to sign the papers. as soon as he’s gone, amber gray whips round to face the audience. ‘anybody want a drink?’

it’s intermission and i’m still trying to catch up on all the gasp-crying i started during ‘wait for me’

we also get an overpriced hadestown cup cuz get while the getting’s good, right?

back in act 2 and it’s our lady of the underground, ie amber gray in her exact outfit from above except instead of lurid green it’s savage black. (and instead of a bouncy curly brown wig it’s a black sparkly snood.) she dances and pivots and rivets her way through it, introducing the band, being winsome savage bite-your-face-off-and-offer-to-share-it-with-you amber gray. she’s got a neat little ring-shaped silver flask that hangs from her hand like a purse, and i want one.

eurydice emerges from the office dressed in the same overalls as the other workers—though she looks sexy af in them, ngl—and sings ‘flowers,’ and talks about how nobody down here looks at her, and how it’s like they don’t even see her. the underworld is not what she thought it would be. she wants to go home but can’t. she can’t remember orpheus’s name.

uNTIL HE SHOWS UP! Punk ass bitch made it, somehow, and stumbles onto the stage with guitar in hand. she knows his name immediately. but she can’t leave, because she signed her soul away.

u knew all this. it’s classic myth. did i mention patrick page as hades sounds like the combined harmonics of every rumbling truck on the george washington bridge every time he decides to sing?

orpheus has A Moment™ where it’s like, if this is what the world is, if people sign their names up for shit and i can’t save them, i guess i’ll just go home. but he talks himself out of it (apparently his magic vocal cords work on him, too), and actually talks himself (and the stone workers of the underworld!) into activism.

amber gray and patrick page share a duet i’ve never heard before, and it’s fine, and i think it still needs fine tuning cuz im not sure exactly how persephone feels about hades in this bit. it’s fine. what matters is that at the end of it, hades is FUCKED because rebellion is brewing.

he gets orpheus to sing his song. and holy shit, is it a doozy. holy shit, but were we all crying. hooooolyyy shiiiiiit.

holy shit.

when hades sings the refrain at the end, amber gray looks like she’s experiencing the most visceral, exquisite, heartfelt, heartbroken pain of her life. she literally bends as if she’s felt this pain in her stomach—this pain, this anguish over the song she hasn’t heard for so long from this one man she loved so well.

and when a rose blossoms from hades’s palm, persephone is both crying and laughing. it’s like the old times have bloomed again.

and then they dance.

also, should have mentioned earlier, it’s implied it’s not an og song orpheus is singing; he’s actually stumbled on an ancient one, perhaps one hades used to sing, and THAT’S why it’s so devastating—not just his talent and voice, but the memory of it, the memories it brings back. it’s an ancient song, almost a spell, that can heal the seasons.

hades and persephone hold each other close, nuzzling almost, and eurydice faces orpheus, and for a second u think it’s going to be ok because eurydice is so joyful and persephone and hades have healed. o & e  think they’re gonna leave. they think everybody can leave.

but nope, hades can’t have that. damned if he does, damned if he don’t—so he sets the test for orpheus, but u really get the sense that he’s not doing it from a sense of cruelty any more. it almost pains him to do this shit. but the rivet of steel in his character won’t let himself become king of nothing.

hermes presents the challenge: ‘ive got good news, and bad.’ orpheus keeps asking hermes if it’s a trick; hermes keeps saying it’s a test, a trial. (it’s really a TRAGEDY.)

persephone is wooed by the fact that hades even let them try.

ugh, doubt comes in is. devastating. every single person in the audience audibly gasped—u FELT the air leave the room—when he turned around. we all genuinely believed it would end differently this time. we thought it would. i knew it was coming and i still was DEVASTATED.

eurydice is, too. she started as the doubter, and she had so much BELIEF they were gonna get out of this. ‘it’s you—it’s me—’ she says. she’s already sinking through the trap. fuckin hell, they were on the last few steps. i’m still fuckin emotional about it

orpheus just crashes to the edge of the trap, staring down into the abyss. hermes is singing, softly, about how it’s an old song—it’s an old tale—it’s a tragedy. and then he roars—in a way that cheers me up—WE’RE GONNA SING IT AGAIN.

because that’s the power of it! it happened, it was horrible, but we’re going to SING about it—and maybe change the ending this time—the way orpheus tried to, when he sang his way to hades and sang his way to the stones. it’s the singing of the event that matters, that might matter.

and eurydice is back at the bar, wanting matches—orpheus is back at the bar, seeing her for the first time across the room—and the story goes on, like the seasons .fuckin incredible. everybody in the auditiorium now is tear-stained.

APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE

lasted for like.....seven minutes?? it took ages and the actors were just soaking it up, looking exhausted, because DAMN it is exhausting to chart anguish and joy and victory and determination and love in two hours and 25 minutes

and then hermes shushes the house—because of course he does—and amber gray leads the final toast. it’s acoustic—it sounded to me like she wasn’t even using her microphone? it wasn’t brash at all, just raw—and a simple, honest, kind of homespun way to end the show. and it finally ended, and we cheered one last time, and then we went home sobbing and shaking and wanting to do the whole damn thing again

it was great and the stagecraft was some of the best i’ve ever seen and i’ve literally felt maybe only 3 productions like this, where this emotional shit is actually sitting in your lungs, and u should go, the end

[huttons]

Never Really Was Enough, Pt II

word count: 3.9k

warnings: talk of homophobia, off-screen character death

summary:  When Eva moves to Raleigh, it wasn’t a happy occasion. She needed to get away from her family and moving across the country was the quickest way for her to accomplish that. As she finds her place in Raleigh, she finds a new family with people she never expected to (especially with a certain red-headed hockey player).

authors note: written as part of FandomTrumpsHate for @antoineroussel​ <3

pt. one | ao3 link

~ ~ ~

“You can keep as quiet as you like, but one of these days, someone is going to find you.”

By the time November rolls around, Eva feels like she’s finally settled into Raleigh and can finally think of it as home. It’s a good feeling, one that she wasn’t expecting at first. But work has been going extremely well and she’s got a few friends now.

There still hasn’t been any word from her family, and while it isn’t surprising, it still hurts that they don’t care enough to reach out to her, especially with the holidays coming up. Eva is complaining about this when Sammy brings up the fact that the Canes are doing a Thanksgiving get-together in a couple of weeks.

“I just know that you won’t be going home, and Patrick and I can’t afford to go visit either of our families right now,” Sammy explains. “And don’t offer to pay for anything again. Just because you have the money for it doesn’t mean you need to spend it on us like that.”

“I know, I just want you guys to be happy,” Eva says. “But…if you really think that they would be okay with me coming, then yeah, I’d love to come.”

“Seriously, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s just a ragtag group of people who don’t have anyone else, so you won’t be out of place.”

“In that case, count me in. I was honestly expecting to spend Thanksgiving by myself, so I think I can handle hanging out with y’all.”

“Eva, did you really think that we would have you spend the holidays by yourself?”

Eva shrugs. “I mean, you guys have family, so it’s not like I was expecting for you to hang around here. And it would have sucked, but I wouldn’t have minded too much. I didn’t celebrate with my family too much anyways once I left for university.”

“That’s shitty,” Sammy says, bringing Eva in for a short hug.

“Yeah, but I got used to it, with it just being my brother and I for a while.”

“Well, consider us your new family. You’re going to be stuck with us forever.”

“I guess there’s worse things out there.”

~ ~ ~

Once the holiday party rolls around, Eva has baked what feels like a million different desserts. Sammy had been insistent that she didn’t need to bring anything, but it’s been a long time since Eva has been able to bake for a large group of people. Besides, it helps get her mind off of her nervousness of seeing Dougie again.

It’s not like she has a crush on him, but he’s exactly her type and if they continue to run into each other, then it’s something she has to get figured out. So, she bakes until she’s unsure of how she’s going to be able to transport it all. Surely there’ll be at least a couple of people who’ll be bribed into helping in exchange for extra dessert.

Once Eva arrives at the house that’s hosting the event, she texts Sammy to bring a couple of people to help her. As she looks at the cakes, cookies, and pies she made, Eva is starting to think she’s made it painfully obvious that she’s been stress baking. But she shrugs it off, knowing that they’ll all probably disappear by the end of the night.

“Jesus, how much did you end up baking?” Sammy asks, a bit of shock in her voice.

She looks over to see that Sammy has enlisted Dougie for help, and Eva is really wondering why this has to be the first time she’s seeing him today.

Eva shrugs. “You said there were going to be players here, I figured they could finish it all.”

“You’re not wrong there,” Dougie replies. “I’m sure we’ll find a way to eat everything, even if we shouldn’t.”

“Well, that’s good,” Eva says. “Let’s get going because this might take a couple of trips.”

When the three of them walk into the house, they’re greeted by a small group that’s hanging out in the living room. Within seconds, they’re there to grab the desserts from their hands, taking them to the designated table.

“Wow, where was the offer for help earlier?” Sammy snorts.

“You didn’t tell us what it was for,” one of the guys replies.

Sammy just rolls her eyes, before heading back out to Eva’s car to get the rest of the desserts. Dougie and Eva trail behind her, laughing as they head out.

“So, couldn’t fly back home?” he asks Eva.

“Oh, she could afford it, but she decided she would rather be stuck with us instead,” Sammy interjects, giving Eva an out from having to explain.

“It’s a decision I’m starting to regret greatly,” Eva says flatly.

Dougie lets out one of his infectious laughs as they get to her car. The walk back is quiet and once they’re all back, Eva gets swept up into conversations with some of the office staff that recognize her from the last two events. She’s a little sad she doesn’t get to see much of Dougie, but it’s probably the best if she doesn’t want to fall halfway in love with him.

Before she knows it, Eva is feeling full and tired. The day passes in a blur, but she feels more content than she has in a while. In a way, it almost felt like the holidays with her family, before everything turned out for the worse. As she gets ready to head out, Dougie comes over to say goodbye.

“Sorry we didn’t get to talk much today,” he says apologetically.

“It’s not a big deal, I get that you’re popular around here,” Eva replies jokingly.

“Still, I’d been hoping to talk to you a bit more. I was wondering if you’d feel comfortable exchanging numbers?”

And, well, Eva can’t say no to that. So, she ends up leaving with leftovers that will last for days and a new number in her phone. She isn’t really sure if anything is even going to come of it, but she can’t help but to hope that they’ll at least become friends. When Eva gets home, she flops on her bed and opens up a new message with Dougie.

Debating what to say, she simply texts, I hope you got a chance to try something I made today, I wasn’t expecting people to like them so much lol

Once she sends it, she just whispers, “Why the fuck did I send that ? It sounds like I’m fishing for compliments now.”

Only a few minutes later, he texts back, I think you definitely made enough for me to grab something in time 😉 you did good tho, def worth breaking my meal plan for

Oh that’s good then

Dougie doesn’t reply, and Eva decides she doesn’t want to come off as desperate for attention, so she doesn’t send anything back. Feeling a bit weird about the whole thing, Eva tosses her phone on her nightstand, then pulls up Netflix and falls asleep binge watching tv.

The next week passes by in the same routine that Eva has grown used to. She doesn’t hear much from Dougie, most of their conversations are just her congratulating him on playing well. As much as she doesn’t want to admit it, Eva is a little disappointed. When they exchanged numbers, while she wasn’t expecting them to become close, it would have been nice for there to be at least a little substance to their conversations.

“Look, he’s just someone who appreciates talking in person more,” Sammy says when Eva complains about it.

“Is that you hinting that I need to invite him to hang out in person?” Eva asks, scrunching her nose in disdain.

“Hanging out with Dougie isn’t a bad thing. He’s a pretty chill guy and doesn’t expect you to talk all the time. The dude is huge into museums and shit. I know Raleigh isn’t known for having those, but it’s worth going to.”

“Wouldn’t he have already gone to them if he likes them so much?”

“Yeah, but I doubt he’s gone with anyone. Hockey players aren’t much on casually going to museums with their bros.”

“I guess you’re right. And he won’t think this is like…a date or anything, right?”

“No, he’ll just take it as the two of you going to a museum, nothing more. He’ll probably appreciate the company.”

“Fine,” Eva groans.

“Again, if anything happens, I’m taking all of the credit.”

“I really hate you right now.”

“Love you too, Eva.”

~ ~ ~

Dougie seemed ecstatic going to the museum with Eva. He basically confirmed what Sammy has said, that nobody was keen on going to any of the museums with him. So, on a rare Saturday that he has off, Dougie is dragging Eva to the Natural History Museum. He’s excited about the exhibit that they have on display right now, which is something about puzzles.

“So…is it like a history of puzzles?” Eva inquires, as they walk up to the museum.

“No, it’s all about brain games and engaging with the exhibit,” Dougie explains. “It’s all about being hands on.”

“Oh, that should be fun then. No wonder you seem so excited about it,” Eva replies.

“You should be good at them too, since you’re an engineer.”

“Just because I’m an engineer doesn’t make me smarter than anyone else. It’s not my fault society acts like I know more.”

Dougie just laughs. When they get to the ticket office, Dougie buys Eva’s ticket before she can do anything. She just rolls her eyes, and doesn’t say anything until they’re off to the puzzles exhibit.

“I can afford to buy my own ticket, you know. Engineering is lucrative enough for me to be able to buy my own ticket,” Eva says.

“Yeah, but I’m a hockey player, which is even more lucrative.”

“But have you considered that being a hockey player isn’t forever?”

“I’m one right now though, and that’s what matters.”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe I wanted to hang out with you willingly today,” Eva groans.

Dougie laughs loudly. When they walk into the special exhibit area, they both freeze as they take it in. He was right about it being an interactive puzzle exhibit, but apparently failed to notice that it seemed to be for young kids. Parents were standing around, watching their kids run through the mazes.

“Well, at least you’ll be able to solve them now,” Eva jokes.

“Is that a dig at my intelligence?” Dougie replies, faking offense.

“Maybe,” Eva says, a lip tugging at her lips.

“I’m sorry this was a bust, but do you want to take a look around at the other exhibits?” he asks.

“Sure, sounds good to me.”

And that’s how the two of them spend the rest of the morning looking around. As interesting as it is, Eva is more excited about being able to spend time with Dougie. He’s so much more down-to-earth than she was expecting and Eva feels her crush on him growing larger. While that isn’t what she was hoping for, she supposes there are worse people to have a crush on.

“Are you up for getting lunch together?” Dougie asks as they leave the museum.

“Yeah, if you let me pay for it,” Eva retorts. “Let me spend some of my money.”

“That’s supposed to be my line,” Dougie protests.

“Well, too bad,” she says, smiling widely.

“Fine,” he groans. “I guess I can let you get away with it this time.”

They end up going to a small café only a few blocks away and grab a small table in the corner. Conversation flows easily as they eat their lunch, and Eva finds herself enjoying herself a little too much. Besides Sammy and Patrick, it’s been a long time since she’s found someone she genuinely likes hanging out with. Sure, she hangs out with James and other coworkers on those late nights in the office (or diner), but it’s not the same thing.

“I had a good time,” Dougie says, as he walks Eva back to her car.

“Yeah, me too,” Eva replies. “We should do this again. I’m sure I can hang out during the week, as long as I make it up during the weekend.”

“You don’t have to do that for me,” he says, frowning. “I’m sure I can find some more weekends at some point.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal. I’ve had to come in during weekends before, it’s not an unusual experience.”

“If you’re sure…”

“Dougie, I wouldn’t be offering if I wasn’t sure.”

“Okay then,” he says, smiling softly.

On Eva’s drive back to her apartment, she feels herself smiling stupidly. She really enjoyed being around Dougie and the thought of them hanging out again warms her heart. When she gets back to her apartment, Eva notices that Dougie has already text his schedule for the next couple of weeks. They manage to find a time for them to get dinner the following Wednesday. No matter what Eva thinks, she keeps saying that it’s not a date.

~ ~ ~

By the time Wednesday rolls around, Eva is freaking out. While she knows that it’s not a date, she still wants to make a good impression. Sammy is teasing her about it, but helps calm her down.

“Look, you said that it’s not a date, so just wear what you would wear if we were getting dinner,” Sammy says.

“Right, of course,” Eva whispers.

This helps her settle on a casual outfit, and Sammy soothes her a little more before heading out. Dougie sends her a text not too much later telling Eva that he’s waiting outside her apartment. When she heads down to the curbside, she looks around, trying to find him. She hears a honk from a car nearby, and sees Dougie waiting inside.

“You know, I didn’t picture you driving a Yaris ,” Eva teases. “It’s smaller than I was expecting.”

Dougie snorts. “You’re not the first person to say that. But it was the only rental they had when I first came here and I got attached to it.”

“Only you would get attached to a car,” Eva jokes.

“Why is it that you always find something to tease me about?”

“Well, it’s not like you make it that hard.”

“I feel like I should be more offended than I am.”

Conversation continues to flow in an easy banter as they head to the restaurant that Dougie had picked out. It’s a small family owned Hawaiian place that has been around for a while, with great recommendations. By the time that they get there, Eva is feeling much more at ease than she had earlier in the evening. Dinner continues in a similar fashion, with small jokes and talking about what Eva does.

“So, I can come to you with computer issues?” Dougie asks.

“I guess I could try,” Eva replies. “But that’s more IT than engineering.”

“Thought I would ask anyways,” he says. “So, uh, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Uh, yeah?” Eva replies, a bit confused.

“So, um, I know that this might seem sudden, but I was wondering if you might want to go on a date sometime?” Dougie asks hopefully.

“Oh, Dougie, I…” Eva starts to say.

“Was I reading this wrong?” he replies, face falling.

“No, no, it’s just…let me explain,” Eva says, sighing. “I’m openly bisexual and while I figure that you probably have no problem with it, because you seem like a great person, but…I know how bad the sports community is about this kind of thing. And while I’m sure things might be fine; I also know that people go digging for things.

“I had a girlfriend back in university and I still have pictures of us on my Instagram together. We’re still good friends and those are still happy memories for me. I don’t want to have to hide that part of me and while I might be overreacting…I need to look out for myself, Dougie,” Eva explains. “So, while this isn’t a no, I do need to think about it. And I need you to think about it too, because if people end up talking about it…”

She feels like she laid herself completely bare, letting Dougie see more than she was planning on. But…Eva thought about this over the last few days, and wants to let her concerns be known. Dougie seems to still be processing the news, taking time to consider everything. She appreciates that he isn’t rushing to an answer.

“While I can’t say that I really get it, because I don’t, I understand why you would be nervous,” Dougie says, measuring his words carefully. “I’ll wait for you, though. I know that we honestly don’t know each other all that well, but I know that you’re worth waiting for.”

“Thank you,” Eva whispers. “It’s a lot to take in, I’m fully aware of that, but it’s something that I’ve been thinking about.”

“Oh, so you’ve been thinking about going on a date with me?” Dougie jokes.

Eva blushes. “Was that not obvious?”

“It’s just nice to get a little bit of validation.”

Eva just rolls her eyes. The rest of dinner continues in a comfortable silence, Dougie obviously processing everything that he was told. It was obviously a lot for Eva to trust him with everything she told him, so he decides to let her set the pace of what happens next. He doesn’t want to push her too much.

“We can still hang out if you want to,” Eva says softly, as they walk back to Dougie’s car.

“Yeah, I would like that, if you don’t mind,” he replies. “Even if we decide dating is off the table, I still want to be your friend.”

Eva smiles at this, and it helps ease her a little bit. Things are comfortable on the drive back to her apartment, and before she heads out, she gives him a tight hug. Once she gets up to the apartment, it feels like it’s only a few minutes later than Sammy is knocking on her door to get all the details.

“He asked me on a date,” Eva says.

“And?” Sammy asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I told him I would think about it. I just…I don’t want to have to hide my sexuality again, that’s why I moved down here to Raleigh. No matter how much I like him, if he can’t handle me not hiding it…I don’t want to date him,” Eva explains. “And I’m honestly not sure if I could handle shitty comments either. Like…I know it’s not all that likely, but there has to be a few people that’ll say something .”

“That’s shitty that you even have to think about that,” Sammy replies, hugging Eva briefly.

Eva shrugs. “It is, but it’s the reality of the situation.”

“Do you want to date him though?”

“Yeah, he seems like a great guy. If we didn’t have to think about all of this, I would have said yes in a heartbeat.”

“Then I think that’s something to remember,” Sammy says. “Well, I’ll get out of your hair, I just wanted all the deets right away.”

Eva snorts. “Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it.”

“You always have me and Patrick, no matter what.”

Eva gives Sammy another hug before she leaves. Sighing, Eva gets ready for bed and mulls over everything that happened. She wants to say yes, wants to text Dougie about it, but she knows that she has to think about it more seriously now. And so does he, and Eva prepares for the minor heartbreak if he decides that she’s just not worth the trouble. But whatever happens, the end result will be worth it.

The more she thinks about it, she feels like she could handle whatever happens as long as Dougie is okay with it. Having his support would mean a lot to Eva, and as long as things don’t get too bad, she feels like she can handle whatever happens. Besides, it’s not like she’s a player that’s coming out, so things shouldn’t be nearly as bad.

A couple of days pass before Eva gets a text from Dougie that just says, I was wondering if we could meet up to talk about what’s going on?

Yeah, but could we do it at one of our places?

I could come to your apartment. I feel like you’d feel more comfortable there

Oh, yeah, that would actually be nice. Are you free any time tomorrow?

I can come over in the evening, once you get off work? I can bring dinner.

See you then 😊

Time seems to either go too fast or two slow. Eva barely remembers anything that happens at work the next day, and James doesn’t ask if she wants to work late, seeing that she’s a little bit out of it. Once she gets home, Eva paces aimlessly around her apartment, unsure of what to do. When she hears a knock on her door, she practically runs over to open it.

Dougie is standing there, with a bag of takeout. Whatever it is, Eva guesses that it isn’t meal plan approved. But she considers that with the conversation they’re having tonight, a bit of junk food won’t be too bad.

“Uh, come on it,” Eva says, stepping to the side to let him in. “You can set this down in the kitchen.”

Once he’s set down the food, Eva leads him to her living room, and they both take a seat down on the couch. It’s quiet for a moment, neither really knowing what to say. She’s unsure if she wants to go first, since her answer depends on what he’s thinking.

“So, I’ve been thinking about it a lot,” Dougie says. “And I can only imagine how hard it was for you to tell me what you did. You being bi, it’s a big part of who you are, but it’s not going to impact how much I want to date you. I want to date you because you’re an amazing person and that hasn’t changed. I know that it could turn out badly because people are shitty, but…we can figure that all out together. Admittedly, I don’t know what I can do to support you, but whatever that looks like, I’ll be there.”

“Thank you,” Eva whispers. “I’m still a bit scared, it’s hard not to be, but I want to date you. You’re a good person and I feel like things could be good between us.”

“So, you want to date me?”

Eva snorts. “Yeah, I think I could do that.”

Dougie smiles brightly, then it dims a little. “Does this count as our first date?”

“I don’t see why not,” Eva says, shrugging.

“This isn’t how I imagined it going,” Dougie replies, scrunching his nose. “But I guess there’s no time like the present.”

“I admire your positivity.”

Dougie laughs, and Eva smiles brightly. It’s good to hear his laugh again, and Eva gets excited thinking about how she can hear it even more now.

“You know, I think your laugh is my favorite part of you,” Eva says.

“You’re really picking my laugh over my dashing good looks?” Dougie asks, feigning offense.

“Unfortunately,” Eva sighs.

There’s still so much that Eva has yet to tell Dougie, about why she left home and why she’s scared for people to find out about them. But there’ll be time for that in the future, and she doesn’t want to ruin the moment.

[venactricisfics]

Malibu Desert

It was just supposed to be a workout.

A Mayans based Story Adult Content

Master List

Chapter Nine 

 “Are you going out like that?” Bishop asks as I bend down to tie my sneakers. I look down at myself wearing yoga pants and a crop top and hop up on the stool. 

“Yeah, just going to the yard to work out with Gilly,” I give him a confused look. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing? Do I need to change?”

“Are you comfortable, querida?” he sets a cup of coffee in front of me as he goes back to the stove to fry bacon. I nod. “Don’t change. You wearing that is just gonna make it hard for anyone to get any work done.” 

“Stop,” I chuckle as I take a sip from my cup, “No one but you looks at me like that.”

“Everyone looks at you like that,” he responds. “They don’t act on it because you’re my queen.” 

“Your queen?” I quirk a brow, slipping from the stool to make toast. I could successfully make toast without burning it.  That’s still cooking, right?  

“I’d never call you my ol’ lady,” he places the cooked bacon on plates and we sit together at his kitchen bar, “at least not to your face.” 

“That makes you a very smart man,” I peck his cheek, “Another reason I love you.” 

“No, it’s cause without me you’d starve,” he says back, giving my thigh a gentle squeeze. 

“That too,” I slide my arms around his neck from behind and give him another kiss before taking a piece of bacon from his plate. “I gotta meet Gilly in fifteen, see you at the yard?” 

“I don’t like the idea of you going out alone,” Bishop’s word’s stern. 

“It’s fifteen minutes.  Straight there, no detours, I promise,” I say. “You’ve still got to get showered and dressed.”

“I still don’t fucking like it,” he stated. “That shithead is still out there.”

“I know that more than anyone,” I grab my keys from the table by the door, “I can’t be watched twenty-four/seven. Yesterday I had to stop Coco from coming in the ladies’ room with me at work.”

“Alright,” he agrees reluctantly, “text me when you get there.”

As promised in fifteen minutes I shift my SUV into park and type out a text: 

"Now I'm thinking about you naked in the shower alone," I smirk and hit send. 

"That's not what I meant when I said text me. I've already got your ass in those pants on my mind. Be good. See you soon," he sent back. 

I send him a wink and a heart emoji then step out of my SUV. I give Chucky a wave as I cross the yard to the cage. 

"You ready, hermana?" Coco greats me.  He takes in my confused look. "Gilly is late. Asked me to get you started." 

“OK,” I drop my duffle by the gate mentally preparing myself for my lesson. 

“I was thinking,” he said, “you’re little, right? There’s no fucking way you can take down a huge guy by yourself.”

“You and Bishop aren’t exactly huge and you hold your own,” I state.

“Si, but we’ve been training for fucking ever.  Our fucking life made it where we had to from the fucking womb,” he said. “And we don’t have that kind of time. Imma teach you something that will fucking keep you breathing. And put the other asshole in the fucking ground.” 

I nod listening to him. I knew at my core he was right. There was no way a few days of learning how to kick or punch would stop Warren or any one of his men from doing whatever they wanted to me.  I could slow them down but just enough to piss them off. And then I’d still be running and hiding. Coco’s way was a permanent solution. 

“Take this,” he pulls his piece from the pocket of his kutte. “You ever shoot before?”

“I used go skeet shooting with my dad,” I hold the 9mm pistol in my hand studying its weight, “Nothing like this.” 

“The fuck is a skeet?” Coco asks.

“Clay target flung in the air. I was pretty good,” I curl my fingers around the butt of the gun letting testing how it feels.

“Rich white people making up shit to shoot at,”  he snorts a laugh, “that,” he motions to the piece in my hand, “you use that to put down a guy. Nothing fake about killing a man. You do what you gotta hermana. The rest of the bullshit fades away.”

I nod, “I get it. We’re not that much different. Life may have fucked us in different ways but we both got fucked. And now we’re here. You’re teaching me how to keep from getting fucked again. That’s something.”

For the next couple of hours, Coco taught me to hold the gun, aim, and shoot. Gilly arrived and showed me the best ways to take a guy down unexpected. Side and groin being the best targets.  Kicks would be far more impactful than a fist.  My legs are stronger than my arms. 

I move into the shade and take a drink from my water bottle and reapply sunscreen. Getting a sideways look from the guys. “Not all of us are blessed with caramel skin. Y’all should wear it too, melanoma is a bitch.” 

“Take your fair skin inside,” Gilly laughed tossing a sweaty towel at me. I wrinkle my nose and toss it back at him. 

I close my eyes, feeling the cool air hit my skin when I walk in the clubhouse. I didn't realize how hot it was outside until I savored the air-conditioned room. I reach my arms up in the air to stretch and then bend down and lift my foot to stretch the backs of my legs. I was a little sore. But nothing a few stretches couldn’t fix. 

"Fuck," I hear Bishop mutter behind me, "you are making it really fucking hard to concentrate." 

I glance back at him over my shoulder seeing that he’s clearly checking out my ass from his table with Taza and Hank, “I am not doing anything.” My lips tug into a slight smirk as I stand. I rather enjoyed the way he was looking at me. 

“You are doing plenty, querida,” he says back. “Come sit.” I give a gentle kiss to his lips before taking the seat beside his. 

“I didn’t mean to distract you,” I move my gaze between the men. 

“It is a welcome one, sweetheart,” Taza says. “Beer?” I shake my head, “Too early for me. I’ll take a Diet Coke if you’ve got one.” 

“Just regular,” he responds grabbing a can from the fridge. “I’ll put it on the list for the Prospect.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I open the can and take a sip.

“You’re here almost as much as we are,” he states, “It’s not a big deal.” 

I nod realizing just how much I was here. If I wasn’t hanging out with Bishop after a table meeting I was helping Chuckie with the yard books. Or EZ clean. I wasn’t privy to all the details that happened on the other side of the stained glass door. But I knew enough. 

“It doesn’t bother you that I’m here so much?”  

“Na, you class up the joint,” Hank responds. I shake my help with a smile. I knew he was flattering me. It was nice to have people.  For so long Warren kept me from people. I was isolated. And now I had freedom. I could be fully myself. And I couldn’t thank Bishop enough for that. 

My thoughts are interrupted by a bang and a loud crash from outside. Without another thought, the four of us push out of the clubhouse door. The noise was coming from the garage.  

“Mother fucker,” Angel lies on the garage floor as Coco and Gilly lift the bike off of him. I rush back to my SUV and grab my medical bag. I couldn’t stand idly by since there was something I can do to help. I drop to my knees beside him. My eyes quickly scanning over him and I shine a light in his eyes. Watching his eyes dilate.

“Doesn’t appear to be any brain damage,” I give him a slight smile, “well not much.” His pulse was racing, his breathing was labored. “Look at me, Angel. You’ve got to stay calm.” My hand moves along his side and find a screwdriver lodged in his side. 

“Fuck calm,” he grunts as he starts to get up. I shove him back, “Be still you moron.” I hold the screwdriver steady keeping the blood from gushing more. “You have a dislocated shoulder on top of a puncture in your side. It’s in there pretty deep. We really need to get you to the hospital.” 

“Just yank it out, Malibu. Give me a bandaid and a beer,” he groans. 

“And have you bleed all over my shoes, no fucking way,” I responded. “You don’t have to act all macho.  I know it hurts like hell.” I glance back as the guys surround me in a semicircle, waiting for instructions.  I lock my gaze with Bishop’s, “Bring my SUV over and put the back seats down. I can’t fix this here.  And I don’t want you dragging him through a dark, dirty tunnel.”

We hadn’t talked about what happens on the other side of the border, but I knew.  Not everything but enough. Some of the shit that happened they couldn’t explain in a traditional hospital. But Angel is legal and he fell in the garage. 

“Get him in the back,” I keep pressure on his side as Gilly and Riz hoist him up. I climb in as they load him through the hatch. I look down with a half-smile, trying to keep calm. But he was weak and the color was fading from his face. I meet Bishop’s eyes in the rearview and give a nod. “Hurry.”  

It felt like an eternity as we drove the few miles from the scrap yard to Santo Padre Memorial Hospital.  I had the ER on the phone and they were ready as my SUV pulled into the ambulance bay. The hatch opens and the ER doctors help unload him onto a gurney.  I was so focused on keeping my hand pressed to Angel’s side I barely heard the doctors and nurses telling me they got it.  

“You can’t come back here, Nova. Now let us work,” Dr. Ramos says as she takes over keeping the pressure on the wound. The warmth of his blood flowed through my fingers as I let go. They wheel him through the double doors.  I stop and stare after them relaxing only after I feel Bishop’s hands on my shoulders.

“Did someone call EZ or their father?” I wipe my hand across my face as I’m lead to the waiting room. 

“They’re on the way,” Hank says and hands me a rag to wipe the blood from my hands and face. 

“Thanks,” I slide my arms into the dark hoodie that Bishop offered then take a seat beside him.  I didn’t realize how much blood and grease was on my body until I slide the zipper up. I didn’t care how shitty I looked at the moment.  My eyes bounce from the nurses' station to the door watching as Felipe Reyes walks through the automatic doors. He’s met instantly by Taza and Riz. They explain how the bike fell from the lift and fell on top of him.  

I stand up when Ramos comes from the back.  I relax reading her expression.  I knew Angel would be OK before she spoke. He needed fluid antibiotics overnight and he would get to leave in the morning.  Take it easy for a few weeks.  EZ and Felipe are lead to the back to see Angel. 

“Take me home?” I slip my arms around Bishop’s waist. 

“Of course, querida,” his arms around my shoulders as he leads me out of the hospital and to my SUV.  I walked straight from the car through the house and into the bathroom. Bishop helps me strip my clothes from my body.  It wasn’t seductive, it was comforting.  I let him take care of me. He followed me into the shower.  The blood and grime rinse from my body and swirl down the drain. He scrubs my hair and body clean.

I settle with my head resting on his chest in my bed. We lay there quietly as he rubs my shoulder lightly with his thumb. The day had everything. Joy and Fear. I know above anything, that here is where I belong. I just say simply, “I love you.” Before closing my eyes.