#and she is one of the wisest people i have ever met and we still talk
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sunnydayzes · 1 year ago
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The silence that came over the room after she spoke about her mother was deafening. It was almost as if Lyla had stolen the woman's breath away and she didn't know what to say in response. But, even mentioning what had happened aloud had created a tightening in her chest as the sadness started bubbling up to the surface again. She hated thinking about what had happened, and giving it a voice just made it even more real.
"Do you have a job? Can you pay rent?", the woman asked calmly, her features had softened since her confession, but she still seemed to be all business. Lyla couldn't really blame her. People had to make a living one way or another and her tragedy didn't stop the world from spinning - even though she had felt like it did.
"I....don't." She said, watching the woman's face quickly change. "But I will start looking. I'm sure I can find something. People need help all over this town.", Lyla said, reasonably, somehow finding a way to muster up a little bit of confidence.
There was another long stretch of silence, and then the woman let out a heavy sigh, and resumed her typing on her computer once more.
"Rent is 450 a month. It's due at the first of the month. You have a five day grace period, but anything after that is considered late. If you miss two payments in a row, you will be evicted. Do you understand?"
"Yes, ma'am.", Lyla said, trying to stop the tears that were brimming in the corners of her eyes. She felt such a wave of relief wash over her. She had found herself a home; and it hadn't taken that long at all. It felt like a blessing - like her momma was somehow still watching over her like she had her whole life.
"The first month I will wave the rent plus the usual moving in fees.", the woman said, as Lyla heard the sound of a printer going off in the background. "I know what it's like to be without a family."
"Thank you.", Lyla said, a small tear dripping down her face.
"Don't thank me yet, girl. You better find yourself a job. Are you still in school?", she asked as she pulled a piece of paper out of the printer and sat it down on the desk in front of her "Read over this and sign it."
"I just started my senior year.", Lyla replied as she looked over the document that was handed to her. It was a lease agreement. It seemed like pretty standard stuff, and Lyla didn't really see anything that concerned her. She hastily signed the document, handing it back to the woman, anxious to get her hands on the keys to her new home.
"Stay in school.", the woman said gruffly as she grabbed the piece of paper back and moved over to the copier. "Trust me. If you ever want to make something out of yourself, school should be your priority."
"Yes, ma'am." Lyla replied, remembering that she had promised her mother the exact same thing. She had dreams for herself - she wanted to open up her own little bakery and sell her treats to the world. She may not have needed an education for that dream, but she knew that it wouldn't have hurt anything.
"You can stop calling me, ma'am. My name is Barbara, but you can call me Barb.", she said, and Lyla saw the woman smile for the first time since she had entered the office as she turned back to Lyla and handed her a copy of the lease she had just signed. "Congratulations. You have a home."
Lyla stared down at that piece of paper as though it was going to disappear. She couldn't believe it was that easy. She knew that it probably should have been. Maybe the woman was taking pity on her, or maybe she just saw a way to make a quick buck. Either way, Lyla didn't have to worry about sleeping on the street that night, or any night after, and that was all that she cared about.
"I'm Lyla.", she said as she held out her hand. The woman didn't shake it, as she expected. Instead, she dropped a small key into the palm of her hand.
"You ready to see your place?", she asked, and Lyla nodded her head enthusiastically. "Follow me."
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cherry-leclerc · 1 year ago
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lolita ☆ cs55
genre: age gap (10 years), porn with plot, affairs, forbidden romance, angst, mentions of suicide, mentions of drugs, tragedy, erotic literature
word count: 14.9k
You were young, alluring, floating through a disastrous life with the touch of a thousand angels. Carlos was successful, irresistible and someone who often kept a distance from catastrophe. Never in a million years did he think he would have a complete moment of weakness. Especially the week of his wedding. 
nsfw warning under the cut!
18+... sexual tension, penetrative sex, dry humping, riding, size kink, oral sex (f and m receiving), semi - public sex, deepthroating, praise, fingering, handjobs, lots of dirty foreplay, slapping (like once AH), a bit of edging, overstimulation, a bit of crying, sucking on fingers, squirting - i should stop now, oh god.  
inspired by this and this !
STOP AND READ:
This by no means - in any shape or form - is something that should be admired or looked up to. It does deal with serious topics such as: grooming, suicide, and drugs. While the reader is of age (19), this is not my way of impulsing my own readers - especially younger ones, if by any chance they come across this - to follow this mindset. Dark themes will take place and if that is not something you are comfortable with, then that is okay, I definitely have more light hearted fics in my masterlist. “Love stories” aren’t always filled with flowers and rainbows, they can also be hurtful and confusing, often misunderstood. This is fictional. Given, this is inspired by Lolita and Blue Velvet by Lana Del Rey (*everyone cheers*) – what that means is that this story will not have a happy ending. Verses of Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov are also mentioned (extremely controversial book - as it should be).
cherry here!…hi, guys! i hope you all enjoy and i’m gonna do it now: I’M SORRY. 
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She was as dangerous as poison could ever be - with no good intentions. She was malicious, sweet laughter that would make anyone fall in love. An Angel walking on Earth, curiously making it her playground. 
He was intelligent. A man of few words, but also simply so, the seven deadly sins all wrapped up in one. Keeping a distance from things he knew would bring him no good.
But in order to understand, we would have to take you back to where it all began. 
Where Paradise met Hell.
-
Growing up in Italy for some odd reason made you out to be the girl you were. Men there would throw themselves at any opportunity if they saw a single daisy looking girl in eyesight. At first it felt as if you were walking a tightrope; you knew it wouldn’t be the wisest idea to fall straight into their traps. Except, slowly, it made sense.
They knew how to sweet talk someone so young and naive - you’ll give them that. It only took one taste and that was the moment you knew. 
You liked them older.
Men fucked in a way boys never would. Every single one would always put your needs first - but there was this one man that had you realizing how fucked up you could be in order to get what you want. That’s one prize you’d cheat to win.
And that’s a story for later.
-
Moving away for college was the best decision you felt you would ever make in your entire life. Given, Italy was home, but the people in it weren’t. Often, you find yourself missing your rendezvous but studying abroad in Spain wasn’t much different.
Note; you didn’t grow up with a tight knit family. Your mother was a drug addict with half of her days knocked out on the couch, your father was someone who was occasionally in the picture. He tried his best.
And your older sister, Ollie? 
Well, you’d honestly forgotten you even had one. 
Some may say that you’re a whore, a slut, a homewrecker, or any other Spanish slur that spits Madrid, but you never cared. You were having fun and why were you the one always being blamed? Perhaps, men, too, should think with their heads rather than their dicks.
Which is how you find yourself still repeating the familiar pattern you had started a long time ago. Riding your professor shouldn’t feel this good. Mierda, he would groan as you bounce up and down like a bunny. Mewling, you shake the feeling of remorse. Not when he felt this good. 
Your phone ringing is what makes you stop, him still inside of you, twitching. Ciao? His calloused fingers would slide up to pinch your nipples as you lightly gasped. 
“Tesoro! Haven’t heard your voice in so long.”
Your father’s tone makes you wince at the reminder. Occasionally, he would check up on you in a way you would assume other fathers did for their daughters. You could never hate him, though. In his own way, deep down, he still cared.
“Papi, how are you?”
Sliding off of his lap, you zip your dress back on as you pace the lecture room. Bored, he takes out his secret whiskey from under his desk. Your sister is getting married in a few weeks! I was thinking you could fly back home so you could join us. The thought alone made your stomach churn as you bit down onto your thumb. Signaling at the older man, you click your fingers, hinting for a glass of your own. He obliges, handing it to you.
“I’m busy with summer courses. Maybe I can send a gift?”
You try everything in the book in order to get out of what seems like a crappy, dull, Italian wedding. It had been ages since you last stepped foot there. In no right mind would Ollie’s wedding be the one to change that. But he says things that get to you. I haven’t seen you in years. Neither has your sister. She misses you, you know?
You bite down on a snarky remark as you down the rest of the gold liquid. Last time you spoke, she promised that you were dead to her. That she never wanted to hear from you again. In the moment, it hurt, but you grew used to the idea. And what younger sister doesn’t pick up on what older sister says? Now, you despised her as much as she did you.
“Ovviamente. I’ll be there.”
-
It’s hot as soon as you land. That you didn’t miss. Ale, your fathers chauffeur, picks you up with a bright smile. Saddened, it dawns on you that you hadn’t seen one of those in ages. He’s nice. Let's you sit in the passenger's seat as he introduces himself. He mentions he has 5 granddaughters and has been married for almost 50 years. It’s sweet. Makes you feel human.
Pulling into the driveway, you almost want to correct him. This isn’t my fathers house. You must be mistaken. Only, he says he isn’t. That he had recently moved into his Italian mansion a year ago. You’re skeptical for a minute, but realize you can’t be one to tell. Years have passed; things change.
Still, that didn’t stop you from gawking at the ginormous house that sits on a hill; overlooking all of Tuscany. It even had a beautiful view of the ocean. Why couldn’t you grow up with this?
“I’ll inform your father that you have arrived safely.”
Taking it all in, you slowly pace the entrance, analyzing everything in sight. The crystals hanging from the chandelier, large - expensive - portraits, shiny mirrors. Quirking your head to the side, you glide over to the golden trophy sitting in the middle of the spacious entry.
Carlos Sainz Sr. : Rally Driver of-
“That belonged to my father. He passed away a year ago.”
Startled, you grip onto the trophy tighter as you slightly jump in panic. You curse yourself for being caught as you delicately place it back down before turning your attention to the booming voice.
Instantly, you’re hit with lust. Standing in front of you is a tall man - around his 20’s, perhaps - dark brown eyes narrowed down on you like knives. Messy, untamed, brown hair. Large nose, plump lips, dark brows. His figure is something you can’t wrap your head around that even exists. Richard Mille's watch clung onto his wrist. Giorgio Armani pressed up against his chest, it almost looked as if it didn’t fit due to his rippling muscles. Woody, rich, scent filling up the room. 
He was the most beautiful man you had ever laid eyes on. 
“I am so, so, sorry.”
Your voice is so soft, it has him intrigued. You wore a short pastel yellow dress that didn’t leave much to his imagination; paired with converse and tube socks. Rosy tint on your cheekbones from the humidity. Berry lips. Wide, innocent eyes. He’d be lying if he said you didn’t take his own breath away. Even though you stood far enough away, he could still smell your vanilla perfume. 
Inching closer, he waves you off. “I was kidding. My father is well and alive.” You tippy toe nervously before planting your feet back down. 
“That’s not a nice thing to say.”
And he’s surprised with your response. Yet, he finds himself extending his tan hand out to you. “I’m Carlos.”
Carlos. His name sounds as attractive as his appearance. Strong and sure. But also…dark. You shake his hand, legs quivering at his warm touch. Deep down, he knew how much he affected you - it’s something he’s grown quite accustomed to, having people admire his looks, but it took a lot to not show that you had the same effect on him.
“Nice to meet you, Carlos. Do you work for my father?”
Amused, he lets out a deep chuckle. Even a simple sound like that had you pressing your legs together, arousal dripping in between. 
“You don’t know who I am?” You shake your head, confused. Should you? He smiles. “That’s okay. We haven’t met before…Though you should get to know me since you’re already here…”
Wait.
“You know,” he leans his head a bit, floppy hair following, “Ollie.”
No, no, no.
“It’s so nice to finally meet my fiancée’s sister.”
Foolishly, you try your best to hide your surprise. How does a man like him end up with a bratty, narcissist, like your sister?
What was so fucking special about her?
Envy fills your veins as you try to show that this hasn’t phased you. Excited cheers echo down the hallway as your father runs over, embracing you into a warm hug. You’re here! Wincing, you lean into his touch, eyes still trained on the magnetic man. 
Only then, did Ollie fly down the stairs, immediately running into Carlos’ arms. Making a big deal out of it, she kisses him as she runs her hands against his chest. 
“Come here, tesoro. I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.”
The entire time; Carlos kept his eyes trained on you. 
-
It didn’t make sense. Part of you knows it never will. You’ve only just met him, but you can tell he must’ve been fucked in the head to willingly choose someone like Ollie. Sure, she seemed sweet and kind, but she was anything but that. 
Dinner that night is carbonara. Carlos is extremely talented. He cooked this just for you. Tight lipped, you thank him, looking down at your plate to avoid his burning gaze. 
“How’s school?”
Turning to your father, you remind yourself that you were here for him; because he wanted you there. That’s all that should matter. “Very good. Thank you for asking, papi.”
The sound of glass hitting the table erupts as Carlos hurriedly goes to pick it up, quickly murmuring a strong apology. His dark gaze shortly flickers past you. It leaves you squirming. 
Clearing his throat, he takes a sip of his wine. “Where do you study?” Spain, you tell him as he beams. “No way. I was born and raised in Madrid. Moved to Italy a few years ago for work.” Letting out a laugh, you find the coincidence funny. He moved from Spain to Italy and you moved from Italy to Spain. 
“What do you do for work?”
“He’s a Formula 1 driver. Drives for Scuderia Ferrari,” Ollie weasels in as she smirks down on you. Anger bubbles inside of her when your attention remains on the Spaniard. Drumming your fingers against the table, you lick your lips. Formula 1? He’s about to explain it all up until Ollie butts in once again. She rubs his hand, a glistening ring shining right in front of you. You physically have to force yourself to look away. “Oh, amor, she doesn’t know what that is. She’s too…young.” 
You know she’s trying to make a weak point: you’re only a baby, therefore, you don’t compare to her. And yes, you are young, 19, but it was stupid of her to think that it bothered you. You tsk before leaning back against your chair. 
“Of course, my mistake. I forgot I was still a pure flower instead of a wilting one.”
Ollie’s face switches to bright red as she grips onto his hand. An entertained smile slips onto his lips before flattening back out. He rubs her hand, trying to calm her down. You can’t stop the jealousy burning from within.
“I didn’t mean you, Mr. Sainz.”
The 29 year old brushed you as if nothing, a smile displayed. Eyeing you both, Ollie suddenly stands up, chair screeching. Why don’t you help me bring out the cookies I baked? Ever so gracefully, you nod. Following after her, you stop suddenly as she spins, hair slapping her face. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here? Are you here to ruin my life with your existence?”
“I might.”
Her left eye twitches as she growls angrily. If she didn’t make it this easy to tick her off, then you’d be bored, but luckily for you, it was unchallenging to get under her skin. “This is my wedding; my future husband - so don’t fuck that up like everything else you’ve ever done.”
You try to pretend as if her words didn’t affect you as you stare back blankly. Marching over to the counter, she opens up a box of cookies before sliding them onto a polished dish, leaving you standing there alone.
-
You thank the higher Gods for not letting you cross roads with Ollie for the next few days. Though, you’re a bit bummed out that you haven’t seen Carlos much either. Peeking out the window, you could see the way a group of workers hurried to set up for the joint bachelorette taking place later that night, right on the beach. The waves look magnificent, so without a second thought, you slip on a bikini before rushing out the door with your necessities. 
Lathering a goop of coconut sunscreen, you hum softly to yourself. Weren’t you going out with your sister? Looking up, you see Carlos standing in front of you with his face slightly scrunched up from the bright sun. His cheeks looked as if they’d just been pinched. “Where to?”
He takes a seat next to you. “She said she was going out to go buy a few flowers for later. Said she would invite you.” You shake your head, already bored with the idea.
“You know her,” you tap your head, “Forgetful.”
He cocks his head to the side as he shuts his right eye for a moment. “You two don’t get along, do you?” You try making up a silly excuse. Of course we do. We’re sisters. But he’s looking right into your orbs as if he sees right past your weak attempts. “You’re right. I could be wrong.”
It stays quiet for a while - only the soft breeze being heard. You can see him from your peripheral vision; eyes shut as he takes in the moment of peace he hasn’t had since dawn. Long lashes fan his face, freckles scattered all over. 
“Aren’t you too busy to be talking to me?”
“No. Plus, I should take time to get to know my future sister-in-law. Especially since I don't know anything about her even after dating her sister for 7 years.”
7 years.
Squinting at the waves, you slide your sunglasses on. “There’s not much to know, but I can try. I’m 19 years old, studying abroad in Spain, and grew up in Italy. I love the ocean, love a nice cup of hot chocolate - even though I’m allergic - so I only allow myself small sips during the winter. I like to pretend I know how to dance and I kill it in karaoke.” He laughs. You can’t dance? “Unfortunately, I can’t. Once, during my friend's wedding reception, I twirled right into her cake. I spent the entire day on supervision.”
“Dios mío…Remind me to watch out for you on our wedding day.”
Our wedding day. His words slightly sting as you pinch your nose swiftly. Standing up, you brush beads of sand off your legs. Your eyes roam the area before you find your father waving you over. “I should go,” you say as you look down at him. His brown eyes scan you before nodding and standing up. He, too, looks over to where your father waits to introduce you to a group of businessmen. He frowns and that's when you realize just how revealing your bikini might have been, only it's too late now.
“Papi always taught us to greet our elders.”
He clenches his jaw, eyes closing for a second. When his gaze meets yours, you almost choke with how dark and twisted it’s become. “Aren’t you too old to be calling him that?” Confused, you tilt your head.
“Calling him wh- Papi?”
He grinds his teeth together - and then just like that - he’s smiling again. 
“Forget it. How would I know?”
-
Standing next to an empty table, you watch as Carlos and your sister dance along with everyone else. This party has allowed you to pick up on the fact that they seemed to be a much more important couple than you had anticipated. Everyone looked at the Spaniard as if he were a God himself - and being quite truthful - you would agree. There was nothing about him that wasn’t flawless. 
Then, Ollie, just looked like any other person. Her eyes were bright, but any time anyone would walk up to him, her stare would become threatening. As if she was his owner and no one else could get close enough to breathe the same air.
Everyone here was older; that much you could tell. Attendees were accompanied by girlfriends or fiancée’s of their own. It made you feel a bit childish, since you clearly were the youngest one there. Reaching out for your margarita, you twirl the straw.
“Not having fun?”
Your attention directs itself to a dirty, blondish, brunette. He looks a bit tipsy, face flushed as he smiles sweetly. He’s tall, handsome. But not as much as Carlos.
“Max,” he introduces himself. Politely, you shake his hand. He points to the large group that dances on the sand. He lets out a croaky laugh. “They could get a bit much sometimes.” You laugh, nodding along with him. He continues talking to you. Brings up how he knows Carlos from driving with him; except he’s signed to Red Bull.
“Everyone here is invited only if they're a driver, huh?” It’s a lame joke, but he laughs and throws his head back as if it were the most fascinating thing he’s heard all night. 
“It’s a small circle, but I promise, they're all nice lads.” Discreetly, he takes in your appearance. The way your black dress dances with the wind. Painted red nails glistening under the golden lights. 
You were beautiful. Tragically, beautiful.
“You know the groom or the bride?”
“Bride.”
He nods, taking a sip of the beer bottle he had been nursing. You both continue your conversation for a while longer. He’s Dutch. Recently 26. You mention your headache before he brushes his fingers against your hand. Looking down, he pulls away before clearing his throat. He apologizes and asks if you would like to dance. A soft melody now plays and you find yourself taking his hand. It's big as yours disappears into it.
Almost as if he’s shy, he carefully slides his hands down to your waist. You giggle as you throw yours over his shoulders. “I hope slowing down helps get rid of your migraine. Sucks. I get lots of those during race weekends.” 
“It is. Thank you for caring.”
He’s sweet. You can tell with the way he blushes when you mention the way you like his dimples. Slowly, you find yourself enjoying his company. You’re in the middle of laughing at some stupid joke he just told, when someone rudely clears their throat. Carlos’ smile appears bitter as he shakes his head.
“I’m sorry - I’ve probably killed the mood.”
“No problem, mate. We were just talking.”
He clicks his tongue before turning to you. Under his scrutiny, you feel as if you’ve just been caught smoking weed for the first time. Dazed, you hum, waiting for him to say something. You know it’s not your place to feel as if he owes you an apology, but you can’t help it. 
“Ollie said it’s best if you went to bed.” You let out a sarcastic laugh. Since when does she care if I get a good night's rest? He huffs before running a hand through his hair. “She - she…Just do as you’re told, please.”
Now you’re bothered. Up until that point, you were actually having a good time. Dumbfounded, you turn to Max as he smiles understandingly. Pursing your lips, you apologize. Tippy toeing, you lean up to press a kiss against his stubble. He smiles.
“See you around?”
“See you around, Maxie.”
Walking into the lonely house, you let out a sigh as you pour yourself a cup of water. The summer heat had completely dehydrated you. You could still hear the soft beat playing from outside as you sway in the kitchen. You were upset - angry - that your sister had cut your night short. And any other time you would have put up a good fight, but thought it’d be best to not make a fool out of yourself. Especially in front of people you barely knew.
The door sliding open has you alert as you look up. Carlos silently makes his way in as he groans with exhaustion. Loopy eyes match yours as he clears his throat awkwardly. “So…What were you talking about with Max?”
“Nothing that should concern you.”
His jaw clenches, a large hand running along it. Stepping closer, he takes your cup of water before chugging it down. It leaves you hot and bothered just how close he is. It’s a mixture of salt and musk, his scent. It makes your head spin. Lazily, he takes a step back before nodding.
“Right. Have a good night.”
-
Carlos knew he had messed up. He had no right lying and saying Ollie had ordered for you to go to bed. That was completely him. It’s just that - seeing you with Max, laughing, smiling, made him seethe - when he knows damn well that he shouldn’t. It wasn’t like he was your boyfriend, after all. 
So, he was embarrassed. He kept his distance. In his head it made sense. If you weren’t near then he wouldn’t feel the need to keep his eyes on you all the time. The house felt lonelier, colder without you sliding down the hallways. Rightfully so, you had spent your days locked up in your room. The only person that made happy was Ollie.
Either way, maybe it was for the best. He had a ton of shit to do. Starting with changing their honeymoon destination for what seemed like the millionth time that month. First, it was the Maldives, then Cancún - God - he knew that in a few hours his fiancée would come up with a new place. 
“I know, I know we said that, but it’s changed.” He paces the office, stressed. “Can you please just make it fucking happen?”
“Ouch.”
Turning his attention, he sees you peeking at the entrance, phone still pressed up against his ear. Pouting, you enter, sweet aroma filling the room. Excusing himself, he ends the call. “Need anything?” He honestly cared for your response. It had been days without seeing you and he was afraid he blew it before he even had a chance to marry your sister. He told himself it was only because he cared for your relationship with Ollie. But fuck that - he knew not even you both cared that much about each other.
Shaking your head, you walk closer. “You sounded mean. Not a nice look on you, Mr. Sainz.” You’re teasing. You had to be. 
“That wasn’t mean. It's called being straight forward.”
Ignoring him, you curiously eye the dark office. Books, trophies, helmets. Letting out a snort, you pick up the nearest picture frame. In it, it’s Carlos and Ollie, smiling wide. Tears brim her eyes as he looks down at her. The sight makes you want to puke. 
“When was this taken?”
“The day of our engagement.”
You hum, already setting it back down. You can’t help but picture the impossible. That in the picture it was you instead of her, that you wore that diamond ring, that he looked at you. 
Fuck her, honestly. 
“Why’d you propose?”
He’s thrown off by your question. He’s expecting you to bring up the fact that it was a joke, but when you looked back for a response, he found himself with a dry mouth. Because I love her?
“Jesus,” you shudder, taking a seat on top of his desk. His eyes wander down your tan legs as you rest them on top of his chair. You're playing mind games - he’s well aware -  and still he found himself following them. You were the worst temptation out there. It’s as if you knew the power you held. “I bet fucking her is a chore.”
Shocked at your words, he finds himself dumbstruck. He knew you two didn’t get along, but what the fuck happened for you to aim such insults? 
He knows Ollie. Sure, she was a bit much at times, but she was nice. She was pretty. There was no need for your vile words. 
You can tell he’s about to get defensive about her and that makes you shrink. Willing, you had handed him a reason to choose her over you. 
Looking back at the picture, you purse your lips. “Sorry. That wasn't the right thing to say.”
“You should leave.”
You’re embarrassed over him kicking you out, but you knew you had crossed the line. So much for a peaceful afternoon. You comply, jumping off the desk. Not before making your way over, pressing your soft lips against his neck, which was the only place you could reach, even after tippy toeing. You felt him get stiff. 
“Excuse my manners, Carlos.”
Skipping out the door, he’s left with a single thought. 
He’s fucked. 
-
The next morning, you’re forced to spend the day with your sister. Whether it was for running errands, fighting; it didn’t matter. As long as you made your father happy. All he wanted was for his girls to get along. 
“Go,” Ollie growls as she hands you your bridesmaid dress. Snatching it from her, you slowly climb up the stairs to your room. 
It’s a beautiful dress. Strong, dark, cherry red. Just like blood. It hugs your curves the way you’ve always thought all dresses should. For that reason, too, it made you look…older. Trying your best to get rid of the wrinkles, you smooth it down before making your way back. 
Papi loves it as he starts throwing out compliments. You look beautiful, tesoro! You are a true gem. His eyes are bright and proud as you stand there with a shy smile. And though you thanked him, nothing else mattered but the man right in front of you. 
The Spaniard had just gotten back from a meeting. He was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to eat and sleep the rest of the day, but as soon as he saw a balsé Ollie and an eager father-in-law, he was interested. She had told him to go relax; practically pushing him away. But as soon as you walked down those stairs, he swore his heart had never melted with such a sight. 
His eyes became fixated to the point of no return. You stand there like a divine temptress. A siren who was mixed with innocence. Enough to drool over, but also, to adore from afar. Someone he could worship. If God decided this were his last day on Earth, then he would happily follow, since he finally felt as if his life were complete. 
His big brown eyes are glued onto you as your father spins you. Ollie’s attention flickers between her younger sister and her fiancé. Tears fill up her eyes as she springs off the couch. You’re not bothered by it; don’t even bat an eye. That is until Carlos quickly runs off after her. That was a slap to the face as you show off a wounded smile to your father who stands there lost at the sudden commotion. 
Later on that day, you find yourself trying to forget it all with watered down tequila. That’s really all you could find in such short notice. Leaning against the balcony, you study the soft waves, cold wind causing your skin to flash small goosebumps. 
“Disgusting,” you mumble as you finish the rest of the alcoholic drink. Who knew a simple encounter would set you off?
“Woah there. Are you okay?”
Max cautiously steps closer as you shrug with a sigh. What was there to say? I’m a horrible person. I’m a horrible sister. And yes, we might not get along, but never in a million years did I think I would be falling in love with my future brother-in-law. 
“What are you doing up so late?”
Sheepishly, he raises his cigarette. Letting out a low hum, you raise a brow. “Can I have one?” He knows he shouldn't be the one to give a teenager a form of drug, but you looked so upset, so drained, that he felt as if you needed it. Lighting it up, you bring it up to your lips as you squint at him. He laughs. 
“First time?”
“No. It’s just been a while.”
You’re still not looking at him, but he notices the way you let out shaky breaths. The way you softly pinch your forearm. He frowns. 
“I know we only just met, but do you want to talk about it?”
And maybe it was the gist of the moment. Or that he was being sweet - showing that he cared, but it worked because next thing you knew, you were kissing. He lets out an erotic moan with the taste of your lips. All a mix of cigarettes and tequila. This is wrong. He was friends with Carlos and you were only doing this in a moment of weakness, but you just couldn’t stop. Neither could he. Not when you tasted like a thousand crimes. 
His large hands grab your ass as you gasp, brushing against his cock. He hissed as he pressed his lips much harder. Surely, you will have bruises tomorrow. Adrenaline rushes through your veins as you grind against him. Clumsily, you both make your way to the couch that’s nearby. Straddling him, you continue to dry humping. Slowly, but surely, the warm sensation between your legs starts to form. Panting, you pull away as he tries to angle his face closer to yours. You smile tauntingly. 
“You know what you remind me of?”
You hum, leisurely picking up your filthy actions. He bites back a smile as he grips harder onto your hips. 
“A Lolita.”
A menacing smile looks down at him before you kiss down his thick neck, soft bites being left behind. You can’t recall the moment you start bouncing on his cock, or when he sprawls you open like a map, kneeling down in front of you. It’s all a haze; a delicious one, too. You’re falling like a feather from your climax when you hear a thud. Did you hear that? No, he would mumble as he peppers kisses onto your soft skin. 
The tides are crashing harder now, signaling that the night was growing older. Timidly, you share a goodbye as you start to skip your way back into your room, but one last thing caught your attention.
A broken flower pot on its side and dirt trailing into the Italian home. 
-
More days had passed since your last encounter with the devilish Spaniard. If you were ever in the same room, he wouldn’t even glance at you. He would simply just walk past by. He was mad. Upset about something. You tried to think of what it might’ve been, but when he walked into his office with an infuriated expression, you decided it was time to call a truce. 
Knocking, you flinch at his sharp tone when he commands you away. Ignoring it, you still step in. Head thrown against his chair, man spreading, he has his eyes screwed shut.
“Are you okay?”
Your tone is sticky like honey. It annoys him the way it strings him in. Drumming his finger against the large chair, he angles his head to look at you. You’re almost scared to ask again, so you decide to stand still until he speaks up. 
“Why’d you do it?”
Puzzled, you purse your lips, waiting for further explanation. What was he talking about? Did you do something to make him upset? The thought alone made you feel queasy. When he notices you still don’t understand, he clicks his tongue. 
“Why would you fuck a friend of mine?”
Oh. Was it possible that this was something he was jealous of? Bewildered, you know you can’t deny it so you start to word-vomit. I am so sorry, Carlos. He came onto me that night - he kissed me first. I was confused. I was lured in by his words. I didn’t know what I was doing-
His eyes soften up as you try your best to break it down. But you were a liar; a good one. You knew damn well it was all you. You had kissed him first. You threw him under the bus and you knew that. Did he deserve it? No. Of course not. But you couldn't handle the Spaniard being mad at you.
He signals for you to get closer. Securely, he grasps your hand and hauls you onto his lap. It’s embarrassing how wet you’ve suddenly become; how your mind replicates a plate of jello. 
“I’m sorry he made you feel like that.”
His rough fingers slide up and down your arms and even that leaves you buzzing. Suddenly, you feel feeble. You assure him that you were fine - that it was no big deal. The way he looks at you is what gives you the confidence to lean in closer. A trace of panic slashes his face for a second. He should probably stop this before anything else happens. There was nothing okay about your ass pressed up against him. Or him craving to taste your plump lips. 
“He didn’t make me feel anything I haven't before.”
Your implication irks him far too much, he starts to consider this all an unhealthy encounter. He can’t stop the images of you being with other men. Someone else kissing you, pleasuring you. Whilst your words were suggestive, your features were anything but that. Wide eyes stare back at him, slightly crinkled. Moving your body, you scoot closer as if you weren't already. He growls as he pinches your hip. Then, you're kissing his neck, and he should be pushing you off, but he’s too far gone to pick up on how wrong this all was. I’m sorry I’ve upset you, Mr. Sainz. I didn’t think you would care who fucked me or not.
“I-I don’t. It’s just that you shouldn't be doing stuff like that. You’re too young for all that.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” You narrow your eyes. “I’m wiser than one might think. I’m mature enough to know who can and can’t fuck me the way I like.” Your gaze focuses extra hard with your confession. As if it were meant for him.
Pressing your ass one last time against his tight pants, you leap off, giggling. 
“Take care, Carlos.”
-
It's a business dinner, your father fills you in as you sit nearby, enjoying a bowl of ice cream, hairollers dangling around your head. Pouting, you reach up to clip one back into place. He smiles.
“You know, lots of young, talented guys are going to be here. It could be a great opportunity to meet someone.”
You make a face at his idea. “Yeah. No, thank you.” Marching over to him, you gently pat his cheek. “I’m not here to meet anyone.”
Signhing, he grabs your hands. “Can I ask you something?” 
“Sure.”
“Are you and Carlos…” Choking on your own saliva, you push away. What? No. Of course not! Why would you even think that? He lets out a breath of relief. “It’s nothing. Ollie just brought it up, but I told her you would never actually do something like that. I know my precious girl.”
The door creaks open as Satan herself walks in, followed by an Angel. First thing you noticed are their intertwined hands. Ollie tries to be coy as she flashes the action right in front of you. She mainly greets your father as she sticks by Carlos like a piece of gum. Hello, he would say to you as you bite back a smile.
“What are we talking about?”
“Your sister might have a boyfriend by the end of the night, that's what,” your father jokes as you slap his shoulder. Boyfriend? The Spaniard’s eyes burn you, subtle threat evident. Ollie fakes a smile as she tugs him back a bit.
“Wow. You know what? That might actually be a good idea. Could help with how uptight you are. But I’m confused, boyfriend as in Max?”
Fury fills you as you shoot daggers right at her. Ollie’s eyes twinkle with satisfaction. You’re dating Max? “Of course not, papi! Ollie is just being a bitch.”
“No, no, no - I don’t think telling the truth is being a bitch. You should be happy, baby sister! You sure sounded like it when you let him fuck you out in the balcony.”
Shocked at her words, you can’t bring yourself to look at your father who stands disappointed. Ollie, that's enough, Carlos warns as he squeezes her hand. She yanks it away, jewelry clinging against each other. 
“My bad. Shit, I forgot. I forgot no one knew what a slut you are. Opening your legs for any man around you. We’re lucky you’re not attracted to your own father.” She lets out a sour laugh. “Now, that would be fucked up.”
“That’s low, Ollie,” you spit, skin feeling as if it's on fire. You know where all this pent up anger is coming from, but she had no right to make up shit for fun. What kind of sister does that? Embarrassed, your eyes flicker to where Carlos stands with a hopeless expression. Licking your lips, you force yourself to walk away.
Slamming the door shut, you let out a loud scream. Why? Why was she always like this to you? A hard knock is what makes you wipe your tears away. Ollie slithers her way in. It hurt you how proud she looked. As if she had achieved something spectacular. 
“The fuck - Are you crying?”
“What do you want?”
She takes a seat on your desk as she dusts off imaginary lint. “I just want to talk. The way sisters do.”
Ricocheting off the bed, you march over to her as you glare. “Sisters? No. You’re nothing of mine.” Ollie yawns as she rubs her eyes. Then, she clears her throat.
“Do you want to know why I hate you? You’re so stupid you probably don’t even know, but don’t worry - that’s what older sisters are for. I’ll explain it to you. Do you remember, Romeo?”
You do. It hits you all at once; the memories of the first man you ever slept with. He was nice - kind enough to teach you what a man likes. He had jet black hair, a smirk always lingering on his lips. He was tall and a local from where you grew up. He was the perfect experience. 
But that still didn’t make any sense. What did he have to do with Ollie?
She lets out a wet laugh. Already, you can see her own tears as she tries to quickly wipe them away. 
“I loved you; I did. You were my sister before my enemy. But I also loved him. He was my first love. Promised me a home high up in the hills. But do you know what it feels like to see someone you love fuck your little sister against a wall?”
We probably shouldn’t-
Don’t worry. I’ve got you. No ones going to see us. Men love a good thrill.
“You and him…”
She licks her chapped lips. “We had barely started dating.” 
“I didn’t know - I swear to God, I didn’t know!”
If you had, you never would’ve looked his way. Ollie was everything to you growing up. You admired her. Loved her. That’s why it broke you when she started pushing you away as if you were some disease. Later, when your parents got a divorce, she didn’t second guess it when she made the decision to stay behind; causing you to leave with your mother. She never cared for you after that and you never knew why.
But now you did.
“I was young…Younger than I am now, how was I supposed to know?”
“Well, I’m glad we agree on something. You truly don’t know anything.” Strolling over to you, she smiles at your desperate state. “Which is why I’m not making the same mistake twice. Stay away from my husband.”
-
Ollie’s words felt as if they had opened up past scars. You meant what you said. Romeo would have been someone you would have disregarded if you had known the truth. But like always, you were the one with the entire blame and that you didn’t like.
Despite wearing a pretty dress - one that everyone gawked at you for - you felt ugly. Has it always been this way? Maybe it did make sense as to why she despised you. Playing with your bracelets, you try to pretend you’re interested in meeting your fathers investors. You feel completely exposed when they all stare straight at your chest area.
“How are we all doing?”
They all look up at the Spanirad as they start spitting out their congratulations for his upcoming wedding. He thanks them before checking up on you. His eyes connect with yours. Butterflies swirl inside your stomach as you smile weakly. He’s the first one to truly talk to you that night. To show he cares about your wellbeing rather than the way your dress fits you. Though, you looked stunning as always. Excusing yourself, you make your way into the kitchen, looking for something stronger.
Serving yourself a shot of vodka, you throw your head back, burning sensation sliding down your throat. Coughing, you grip onto the counter. Soft moans whisper in between the walls. You stop breathing for a minute as you try your best to identify where it might be coming from. Striding closer, you press your ear against the closet door. Fuck, a mans voice groans. This is not something you should intervene with, it's not your right, but that all changes when you hear a name that makes you burn all over again. So fucking tight, Ollie.
Pushing the door open, you see your sister banging one of your fathers investors. Ben, you think his name is. Honestly, you could care less. Briskly, she pushes her gown back down as he zips his pants. You let out a cold laugh as you clap in amusement.
“Oh, God. This is great. Amazing. You really outdid yourself, Ol.”
Stepping forwards, she grabs your arm harshly as she tugs you out. “How much did you see?”
You purse your lips as you theatrically scrunch your face up in pleasure. “Oh, Ben! Fuck me! Oh, oh, yes, baby, right there!” You bow. “That much.”
“How old are you, sweetheart?” The brunette says as he scans your body. Ollie glares at him as he steps back.
“Not a word of this to Carlos.”
“Why would I keep this a secret? He deserves to know. What do you think, Benny?”
Panicked, the older man shakes his head as his eyes plead for mercy. That’s enough. Raising your hands up in defense, you grin back at Ollie. “You’re not mentioning anything if you know what's good for you.”
“Oh, yeah?” You tilt your head back. “And what’s good for me?”
“If you tell him anything of what you just heard - saw - then I’ll just tell him how you’ve been bending over for every man in this house. Charles, Lando, Lewis, Pierre…you name it.”
“He won’t believe you…”
She laughs sinisterly. “No, I think he will. I mean…You’ve already done it before.”
“Hey,” his soft voice enters the room as you turn to look at him. The Spaniard’s eyes dance between you and your sister and Ben. “Is something wrong?”
Ollie shakes her head with a bright smile as she walks up and kisses him. You flinch. “Nothing, amor. We were just talking.” She runs her hands through his hair as his eyes remain on you. 
“Are you okay?” 
Nodding, you grind your teeth together. “Yes. Ollie was just introducing me to Ben.” Awkwardly, the man waves from behind you. Slowly, Carlos nods.
“Papi asked me to introduce them. You know - with the whole ‘boyfriend’ thing!”
“He was serious about tha- Oh. Okay.” He reaches down to take your sister's hand as he eyes you and Ben. “We should probably leave you two alone then.”
Hastily, you nod. “Sure.”
-
If you were willing to try and fix your relationship with Ollie before, then that was long gone. This is what you knew her for. A pretender. She wistfully makes everyone believe she’s some sort of saint, when really, she’s a wolf in sheep's clothing. She’s a hypocrite. She has a man that everyone desires and she does this? 
You hated her.
You hated seeing the way she beams when Carlos’ mother gives her a necklace that belonged to her own mother. She didn’t deserve it. Or the way his sisters helped her slip in and out of her dress, making sure it's perfect for the big day.
Still, you try your best to be a supportive sister. Especially around the woman who raised a man like Carlos. Biting down on your lip, you take a sip of your champagne as Ollie disappears behind the curtains with the lady who is taking some last minute measurements. Reyes smiles warmly.
“We didn’t know Ollie had a younger sister.”
You smile. “Best well kept secret, right?” The older lady laughs. Your heart warms up as you notice it's the same way Carlos does. Ana and Blanca grin.
“Well, we’re glad to finally get to know you. Might I add, you’re beautiful. Those eyes!”
“Thank you,” you blush.
Ana takes a sip of her drink before clicking her fingers. “That’s what you remind me of! You - Carlos - almost have the same puppy eyes!” She turns to her mother. “Mamá! What’s that saying? Soulmates look alike…Something like that, no?”
“Be quiet, Ani,” Blanca hisses before smiling apologetically. “Excuse her - she can be a bit invasive.”
“No problem,” you reassure as you bite back a smile. Ana frowns.
“Lo siento, I don’t mean to come off as overbearing. It’s just that you do…”
Reyes clears her throat as she winks over at her daughter. “Don’t misunderstand us, please. We love Ollie, we do! It’s just…you’re different.” She examines you. “I like you.”
Their words stick with you like a post it. Do soulmates look alike? Playing with the sand, you circle your finger agonizingly slow. Why did their words matter so much to you?
“I always find you alone.”
You stick your tongue out at Carlos as he chuckles at your childish behavior. You pat the sand, inviting him to join you. What are you doing out here? You point at the ocean. “I told you it was my favorite place.” 
“Ah. I see.” 
You sneak in a quick look before looking straight ahead. “Nervous?”
“About?”
“Marrying a monster.”
He gives you a deadpan look, bumping his shoulder to yours. “She’s not that bad, you know.” He glances at you. “Ollie has been there for me through so much. Through my failures. Through my accomplishments. She’s the one who convinced me not to quit racing.”
“You were thinking of quitting?”
He nods. “It’s not as easy as it looks. It fucks you up mentally. But she…” He smiles. “She helped me overcome that. I thank her everyday for it.”
It’s a bittersweet feeling hearing him talk about her like that. On one hand, you’re thankful that she had made him realize that he should carry on doing what he loved. On the other, you knew her true reasons. She loved having a famous fiancé; someone she can brag out to the rest of the world.
Somewhere, far away, you hear a melody. It’s low enough that if you didn’t pay close attention, you wouldn’t catch on to it, but you did. You grab his hand, leading him to stand up. He quirks a full brow. 
“Want to dance?”
“I thought you said you didn’t know how to.”
“Nice memory, old man.” You gently kick some sand towards him. “But I feel like dancing. Plus, you should be practicing.”
Tugging you closer, he hums. “Alright. Only because that's true.”
His hands feel warm against you - so much so - it feels as if he’s on fire. An ease comes to it, too, as you both sway under the moonlight. You giggle when he spins you, dress flying around you like petals. The way you grin makes his heart speed up in a way he’s never felt before. It’s alarming. He pinches your hip as you yelp.
“Mentirosa.”
“Wha- No, I’m not! Can’t dance to save my life.” Clumsily, you dig your toes into the sand. He winces playfully. 
The air grows heavy the moment he brushes your hair behind your ear. Your eyes flutter shut as you lean against his warm hand. One look, and he’s hooked. It’s meant to be something lighthearted, but the way he wishes to feel your soft lips against his indicates that it’s not. He’s tried his best to see you for what you are; his fiancée’s little sister. Someone he shouldn’t find himself caring if they slept well, ate their three meals a day, or that they didn’t talk to any other man that wasn’t him or your father. This was sick and twisted and yet…
His lips meet yours as your eyes spring open for a nanosecond before letting yourself go under. It feels as if you’re exploding like firecrackers on a Fourth of July. Something about the way he cradles your face endearingly has your head spinning. Knees become weak, but his grip is secure. It’s better than you could have ever imagined. His tongue fights for dominance and when you don’t give it to him, he squeezes your ass. Moaning, you open your mouth and that's all it took. He kisses you the way you’ve seen in movies - only better. He’s hungry - desperate - for you as you smile against him. Biting down on his bottom lip, he groans as he kisses you harder than before. You were beginning to think your lips were about to snap. 
Letting go, he stands there, staggered. He’s ashamed when he realizes that he regrets nothing. You both stay quiet; only waves crashing and heavy pants being heard. At first you think he’s going to apologize, and maybe that might have been the case, but no words would come out. Pressing a peck against his swollen lips, you smile.
“Goodnight, Carlos.”
-
Carlos rues the day that he kissed you because that only made things more complicated. He couldn’t find a way to not look for you when he walks into the garden, full of family and friends. Or the way he would want to punch Max when he made you laugh. But there is also something sweet. Like the way you would gossip with his sisters and share stories with his parents. He had never seen them laugh and smile so much, not even with Ollie. 
He flinches at the cold hand that wraps around his own. Faking a smile, he presses a soft kiss on top of his fiancée’s head. Continuing the clicking against her glass, she smiles widely. 
“Grazie a tutti per esservi uniti a noi!”
Everyone claps and a few of the drivers whistle. Rolling your eyes, you lean your head against your father’s shoulder. His heart skips a beat. Ollie continued her speech filled with thank you’s, thank you’s and more thank you’s. Your father kissed your cheek before making his way up to his eldest. Taking the microphone from Ollie, he starts to share warm felt memories about her. You have to admit, you’re jealous about their bond. Somewhere in the past, that had been viciously stolen from you. He notices the way you shrink with sadness and he finds himself about to walk over to you when Ollie laughs awkwardly. Amor. It’s your turn.
“Right.” Fixing his rolled up sleeves, he smiles at the crowd of guests. “Uh…Well like my fiancée said, we’re extremely happy to have you all here. It takes a lot to get this many people out here all at once.” A few laughs echo as he continues. “This means a lot to me, too, to have my friends and family. To have met new faces.” His gaze flickers past you as your breath hitches. “Many ask me what about Ollie made me fall in love with her…And I’m here to be as brutally honest as I could get. I love the way she makes me feel as crazy as the ocean. I could spend calm days with her and not worry about getting bored. Or I could find myself getting into trouble. Ollie has made me a better man. Because of her I know what true love is…” His loopy eyes meet yours. “True love are the waves that meet the shore.” 
He lets out a sheepish smile. I want love like that, Lando yells out as he downs his glass of milk. Everyone claps and cheers and that’s where your nightmare begins. 
Let’s give it up for the happy couple! Kiss, kiss, kiss!
The chants continue as Carlos let out a nervous laugh. That’s something private between me and her, he tries but finds himself being booed. Leaning down, he pulls Ollie in for a peck before pulling away with a tight lipped smile. He hates himself for his sudden realization.
Kissing her suddenly did feel like a chore.
With all the whoops and whistles being thrown out by friends, he finds himself trying to find you. It doesn’t take long as he notices you had picked up on your conversation with the Dutchman. His jaw clenches. 
“Maybe Ollie’s younger sister would like to share a few words.”
Why would he say that? Frozen, you choke mid sip. Me? Your father beams as he nods excitedly. Oh! That’s such a great idea! Unfamiliar faces turn to look at you as they wait. Taking in a deep breath, you nod as you make your way over.
As he hands you the microphone, he can’t stop himself from grazing his fingers against your hand. Coughing, you yank it fast. 
“Ciao a tutti.” Everyone greets you back as you lick your lips. You take a moment to figure out what to say, but there’s not much. Cringing, you try to come up with anything. “As some may know, I’m Ollie’s sister…And I could go on forever about how great she is-” You suppress a sarcastic laugh as Carlos knowingly winks. Your nerves ease up. “But I think I should talk about the man who makes my sister the happiest. Carlos Sainz…When I first met you, you seemed uptight - more than the Grinch - but slowly I got to know the man that even my papi swoons over.” 
True, your father laughs. “You’re kind, respectful, and charming…Ollie is one very lucky girl. But there’s something also sensitive inside of you…Despite the permanent frown on your face, you still seem to like days by the ocean. Maybe it's a reminder that peace still exists or maybe it's the way…” Looking up, you see everyone staring deeply. Suddenly, you feel like this might be oversharing as you twirl your dress. “...Or maybe it's the way your face lights up when you take my sister dancing on the sand. Uh…Thank you for making her happy.” Handing the mic back to Carlos, you smile weakly at the strong claps. 
“That was quite sentimental,” Max points out as you bite down on your finger. Was it too much? He shakes his head. “Don’t worry. It looks like you and Carlos get along well enough. I, for sure, thought he hated you with the way he looks at you.”
“Oh. Yeah.” You pause. “I thought so, too.”
-
Aside from the fact that the wedding was approaching quickly, the mansion was quiet. The silence can almost be heard; it's scary. Carefully, you fix your dress as you skip down the stairs barefoot, lollipop painting your lips red. 
Peeking around the corner, giddiness fills your body as you snatch a handful of pre-washed cherries. Earlier that day, your father had scolded you for finishing the new batch. Popping them into your mouth, you hum a song as you kick your legs against the kitchen counter. It creeps you out the moment a chill runs down your spine. As if someone were watching.
“Boo!”
“Santa mierda,” you yelp as you clutch your heart. Laughing loudly, the Spaniard bends over as he gasps for air. You pout and kick his knee. “Cabrón, you scared me! Warn a girl!”
“Fuck - I’m sorry.” His lips form a thin line as he stands firm. Slowly, the corners lift up, wobbly at his poor attempt to not burst out laughing. You frown.
“You’re fucked up.”
Again, his laughs echo the dimly lit kitchen. “Can I have some?”
“No. They’re mine. Grab your own.”
He narrows his eyes. “Aren’t you on cherry prohibition or something like that?” You gasp as you look around before flipping him off.
“Keep your voice low or papi will disown me!”
He zips his lips as he whispers. “I won’t tell a soul. But I want one of those in exchange.”
Tapping your finger against your lip, you pretend to think about it before nodding. You extend your hand out, a single red cherry for him. You’re waiting for him to take it and leave to where he came from, but what he does instead has you swallowing a lump down your throat.
Crouching down, he opens his mouth as he picks up the cherry, lips slightly wrapping around your fingers. This was triggering you as you tried your best to keep sane. But there was no way of going about that when he looked up at you with deep, brown eyes. Licking the red juice sliding down your hands, he steps back. He licks his lips before swallowing. It amazes you the way his Adam’s Apple jumps up and down; thick neck begging to be sucked on.
“Fucking delicious.”
Blinking, you look down at the rest of the cherries in hand. All of a sudden they seemed like a sultry fruit rather than a drupe. 
“Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Of cours-s-e.”
Stupefied, you throw the leftovers straight into the trash bin. You had no clue what made you do that. A small chuckle escapes past his lips as you shut your eyes in embarrassment. Maybe they weren’t as sweet as you made them seem. Too mortified to speak, you keep your eyes focused on the way your feet hit the wood as a distraction. It takes all of you to not run away as he steps closer once again.
“Is there something in that dirty little mind of yours?”
The room feels hot all of a sudden as you shake your head. There’s no words in your vocabulary when he stands this close. You can smell his cologne mixed with shampoo. If richness were a scent then this would definitely be it. His hands cage you in like a butterfly behind glass. Clicking his tongue, he steps aside as you let out a shaky breath. Taking the opportunity, you jump off the edge, bare feet slapping against the cold tiles. Cuidado, he mutters when you almost slip from the sudden action. 
“If you need anything I’ll be upstairs.”
Not sure why you said that, but it seemed like a rationalized excuse. Por supuesto. And that would have been the end of your night. That would have been another successful day of not falling for the forbidden apple. You had held out for so long; the kiss didn’t count. But it only takes a few steps for him to clear his throat. Almost as if this were your secret language, you spin and you find him staring after you; dazzling eyes following your every movement as if he’s trying his best to decipher anything you do.
Smiling wide enough for your eyes to look as if they had a smile of their own, you think - fuck the consequences - as you clumsily run up to him; jumping like a kid onto a tree. Legs wrap around his torso and his hands hold you close to him.
“Do you-”
“Yes,” he whispers. “Since the first day you walked through those doors: yes.”
If you had thought you were obsessed with his kisses before, you were wrong. So very wrong. Because now you were addicted. He kisses you with urgency as you run your hands through his locks, so soft against your fingers. He grunts when you tug on it. 
His kisses were stimulating enough for you to plead for something. Anything. Smirking, he pecks your nose before leading you both upstairs. It amazed you how he could continue kissing you as he hurried to get to the bedroom. Noticing him making his way into his and Ollie’s, you pull away. There’s no way you would let him do that. You spin your finger lazily through his hair.
“How about mine?”
He doesn't care if he fucked you against the floor, he needed you. Kicking the door shut, he throws you onto your bed as you squeal. He smiles fondly as you brush your hair out of your face. He’s had his fair share of girls. Models, nepo-babies, Ollie, but none of them compare to you. 
He was almost scared of touching you again, even though that’s exactly what he wanted. Doe eyes stare back at him as his cock gets harder at the sight. Ollie had always tried her best to look at him that way, but you didn’t even have to try. It naturally happened. Nothing about this felt forced.
You look untouchable. Like a complete goddess waiting to be ruined. Carlos, you would say as you squeeze your tits, eyes struggling to stay open. Carlos, please. Don’t be mean. Towering over you, he shakes his head.
“Linda, I could never be mean to you.”
Slipping your dress off, he groans when he sees you weren’t wearing anything underneath. He shuts his eyes as he tries to not finish inside his pants, which by the way, were starting to hurt. He pinches your nipple before slapping your tits. You hiss. 
“Please tell me you did this for me and no one else…”
“You know it’s always been for you.”
With that, he stands up as he yanks his shirt off; jeans and boxers following right after. A bit worried, you find yourself staring at his rock hard dick. You had never been with some as big as him; it kind of looked as if it would split you right open. That didn’t stop you from wanting it, though.
“Don’t worry. I’ll prepare you nice and good, cariño.”
His lustful tone snaps you out of it as you nod. His fingers rub your wet folds as you cling onto his bicep. C-Carlos. “I know, baby, I know,” he coos as he focuses on the way your face pinches. He slowly starts slipping his finger in as you gasp at the thickness. So big and long. He chuckles. “Oh, come on now. It’s not even fully inside of you yet.”
Stunned, you look down and sure enough, it isn’t. You almost cry out when you notice it’s barely even the tip. “I don’t think it’s going to fit.” He kisses your temple as he slips his finger back out. 
“Let’s start off with something else then.”
You almost pass out when he angles himself in front of your pussy. Glistening clit stares back at him as he moans. So pretty, he thinks as he touches you slowly. He stops himself, though, as he goes in for kitten licks instead. You squirm. His large hands pushed you down against the bed, to keep you in place. 
“Do you want me to make the ache in between your legs go away?”
“Yes.”
His pink tongue teases you as he hums. You bite down sharply. “You’re going to have to stay still. Relax, bonita.” Following instructions, you close your eyes, trying your best to not think of the handsome Spaniard. As if that were possible. Impressed, he leans in again as he licks you, picking up your pre-cum. Oh, fuck. 
Then it’s almost as if Carlos is taken over by something as he dives in like some animal. His stubble burns your legs, but you’re too fucked out to even care. You’re sure you're being loud, but how can you not be when he licks and sticks his tongue inside of you, exploring places you never knew existed. You choke back a moan when he rubs his nose against your clit, only adding to the euphoria. 
“Yes. Oh. Fuck, yes.” Looking down at the brunette, you find him taking in your appearance as he rubs himself against the sheets; a way to try and pleasure himself. And that’s enough for you to cum all over his face. He smiles as he greedily tries to drink up everything you give him. He knows he lost control, but he loves the way you were able to keep up. To take everything he gave you.
And that was only going to multiply.
“You taste so fucking sweet,” he groans in between your legs, picking up the white nectar. Crying out, you push his face away as you gasp for air. He sucks your tits as you take a break. His tongue swirls around your bud as you wiggle against him like a fish that jumped out onto land. He laughs. “Can you handle my fingers, now?”
No, you whisper as you push him away. But he knows you’re giving up too soon. He knows there’s an animal inside of you and he’s just waiting for it to decide to join him. He ignores you as he slides his fingers down to your center. You mewl against him. “Hey, hey, I got you, cariño. I’m right here.” 
His voice makes you clench harder against his fingers as he grins like a kid at a candy store. Slowly, you start dripping more than before, making it easier for his fingers to slide in and out of your hole. Can you handle a third? “Yes,” you respond, eyes still screwed shut. Hot air hits your ear.
“There she is…Good girl. Justo asi.”
Picking up speed, his fingers reach the gummy part inside of you as you scratch his arms in an attempt to remind yourself to not black out. His long fingers cross, doing figure 8’s as he touches your g-spot as if he knows your entire body better than any map. Leaning up, he bites down onto your nipple before sucking hard. You should be embarrassed with the way you squeal and shake against his actions, but he just made it so hard not to. Much to your surprise, if you dare believe it, he does the thing you last expected.
He adds a fourth digit.
“No, no, no,” you pathetically chant as your eyes fly open. He cocks his head to he side as he clicks in tongue as if seeing you struggle filled him with pride. 
“Ah, ah, ah. Just trust me; do you trust me?”
He didn’t need to ask because he knew you did. I do, you whimper out as you start grinding against his fingers. Amazement fills his dark eyes as he looks down to where you clench around him, juices sliding down his arm. It only takes a couple of more swirls before your shriek, velvety walls clenching around him as you reach your climax. 
Bringing his fingers up to his mouth, he licks your cum as if it were a meal he’s dreamed of having his entire life. Your mouth hangs open as you watch him lick them clean. You’re sure he’s going to fuck you now, but that flies out the window as he lays down as he drags you onto his face.
This man had stamina. Lots of it. You're trying to beg for a break of some sort. I can suck your dick. Give you a handjob. Just please let me rest. But he wasn’t even listening. 
Maybe somewhere deep down, he knew this would be the only night he would have you to himself and if that meant no pauses, then he would push all your buttons.
Like a starved man, he starts licking you all over as you grind against his face. The way he sucks on your clit and adds his fingers make you squeal as you push down harder. His nose rubs against you in such a way, it has you seeing stars. He seems to be enjoying that though, as his moans vibrate against you. Biting hard onto your lip, you try to distract yourself as you reach behind you for his rock hard cock. The moment your small hand wraps around him, he growls like a lion.
Smug over his reaction, your hand slowly starts jerking him off as he eats you out with more urgency. It takes all of you to control your actions as he shakes his face in between your legs. S-slow down, Carlos. He grunts as his actions speed up, but so does your hand. Gripping onto his erection much harder, you furrow your brows as you twist your wrist. Choking on your juices, he opens his eyes wide, whimpers flying past his lips.
Smiling down like the devil, you nod as your hand picks up its pace. Now it's his turn to be groaning with pleasure. He seems to have forgotten what he was doing as he takes in strong whiffs of your aroma. You shudder when his warm breaths escape to warm up your dripping pussy.
His cock twitches and he seems to snap right back into it; already diving back into your hole. Lurching forward, you grip onto his hair as the other remains wrapped around him. It’s a game to see who can make the other cum first, and you were not about to be the loser. 
Lively, you circle your thumb around his pink tip as he groans and finishes all around your hand. Sucking hard, he bites gently onto your clit as you screech and trap his head between your thighs. Shaking, you twitch against him as you reach your third orgasm that night. Huffing, you roll off him as he laps his tongue.
The way he looks at you makes you want to ride his face all over again, but you know you needed a break if you didn’t want the night to end so soon. Kneeling in front of him, you raise your ass up high as you lean down to wrap your lips around his cock. He flinches, slightly sensitive, but doesn’t dare push you away. Instead, he rubs your face with his calloused thumb; encouraging you. There's something so hot about the way your lips stretch around his fat cock. The way drool exits your mouth, messy blots of mascaras on the corners of your eyes.
Light of my life. Fire of my loins.
Gagging around him, you squeeze your eyes shut, feet curling up along the way. For sure, your throat would be bruised tomorrow, but you didn’t mind. In fact, you wanted that. Deepthroating him as best as you can, your small hands wrap around the rest of his length. He was huge. Dirty slurps bounce off the walls. You try your best to not pull away when you feel his sticky pre-cum connect inside your throat. Not when he looked so good with his head thrown back. His thick neck is a clear display. With his large hands wrapped around your hair as he fucks your face like theres no tomorrow. Spanish curses flowing past his lips. 
“Que linda. Arrodillada como una santa.”
When you giggle around his erection, he groans, head thudding against the headboard. His mind quickly slips over to Ollie - but not in the way one might expect. It hits him like a truck when he compares her to you. With Ollie, she would last at least 20 minutes before calling it a night. He pretended not to mind - he would never force her to do something she doesn’t want to, of course - but once she would knock out, his large hand would slide down past his boxers, looking for a new release. 
Then there’s you, ever so pretty. It seems like with everything you do, you want more. You sucking him off as if you’ve done this for him a lifetime ago. Sure, you’re struggling, but that only makes him harder. You’re trying to keep up with him and it’s working. Now, it’s like he’s the one trying to keep up. Swallowing, your throat closes around him as he flies forward, voice cracking as he presses for more. 
Glossy eyes look back up at him as you repeat your action. With one last blow, he pulls out as he cums all over your face. His dick immediately gets hard again when you smile wide, fingers going to pick up his mess. Greedily, you pout as you wrap your lips around your finger like the lollipop you had been sucking on a few hours ago.
“Fuck,” he mumbles, abs contracting together as he tries his best to even out his breaths. 
“Will you fuck me now?” 
You’re moving at a snail's pace as you lick his sweaty neck. A chill runs down his spine with the feeling of your warm tongue. Grinding slowly against his thigh, you throw your head back with pleasure, wet lips rubbing against him. He smiles.
“You’re a dirty girl, you know that?”
“I thought that’s what you liked about me, papi.”
In a flash, he flips you onto your back as he hovers over you like a giant. A beautiful, beautiful, giant. His large muscles he works so hard for stare back at you as you admire with an open mouth. It looks as if he could carry mountains on his shoulders. Dilated pupils admire you as you let out a pathetic whimper. Long gone were his brown eyes as they now appear completely black. Sensual.
“Then you should be fucked as such.”
With that, he swings your tan legs over his broad shoulders, practically bending you like a pretzel. You pat yourself on the back for all those pilate classes. Jerking himself off a bit, he looks straight at you, making sure this was something you wanted. The way you bat your cartoon eyes is all he needs to slip inside of you.
First thing he notices is how tight you are despite him already stretching you out to perfection. Raw moans leave both your lips as you try your best to adjust to his size. You had been with men before - that’s all you really knew - but no one’s cock had ever made you burn with such satisfaction. More than satisfaction. He’s reassuring you with his words in order for you to relax.
I’ve got you, preciosa. Just let go for me. I’m right here.
Still, you can’t help but squirm underneath him. His fingers make their way to your mouth as you stare back confused. Suck, he commands before forcing them in. Caught off guard, you gag around them for a bit before your tongue begins to twirl around them. Your cheeks burn up as you hear your low mewls. Ah- ah- ah, you cry out against his digits as he grins down at you. Retracting them, he slides them down to your clit as he starts rubbing small circles.
“Oh God.”
Instantly, you open up against his tired cock as he hums. There you go, he praises as you make it easier for him to thrust into you. You should both be ashamed of the way gushy sounds bloom from your mixed cum. Or the way he pounds into you so hard and fast that it has you sliding further back against the bed, hair tangling along the way. His fingers dig into your calves as he holds them in place.
“Mierda,” he wheezes as he throws his head back, ripping his eyes away from the way your puffy clit envelopes around him. Pants and whimpers escape you as you arch your back from the fulfillment. 
Carlos is a man - you know that - but in this moment; right now: he’s proving it the way a scientist would their hypothesis. His cock brushes against your g-spot as you gasp at the sensation. He’s looking at you as if you held the key to all secrets. 
The keys for the gate to Heaven.
Though he knows that this all feels like Heaven, he deserves nothing but Hell for cheating on Ollie. But that’s the least of his worries.
“Does that feel good, bonita?” 
Wide eyes look up at him desperately as you nod to the point where your neck starts to ache. Yes - Oh God, yes. So good, Carlitos. Yeah, baby - right there. Snapping his hips harder against you, your mind goes foggy with the way his hair flops around him. Sweat causing long strands to stick to his face. Beads of sweat drip down your legs as he presses sloppy kisses. His cheeks look as if he’s been out in the sun for hours. 
In this moment; he looked immortal.
“Carlos, I’m gonna-”
“Hold it.”
Like a doll, you flop back against the bed as you start to leak acid. No - please. Don’t ask me to do that. Feeling a sharp sting, you gasp. His hands dives back in to massage your cheek after slapping you. He cocks his head with fake sympathy. “I know you can do it,” - thrust - “Wait for me, yeah?”
You have no word as you wail - tits bouncing with every assault from his hip. Your stomach burns with the way his abs glisten, with the way his bottom lip juts out, or the way his muscles shine with a layer of sweat as they hug your legs like a teddy bear. 
He was yours. In this moment, he was yours.
“Alright, linda-” He brushes your hair out of your face as he wipes your sweat with his hand. “Cum for me?”
It’s an out of body experience the moment you squirt around his dick - the way your tummy feels like it's on fire. Sore groans leave his lips as he finishes inside of you, brown eyes trained on the way you gush around him. He freezes in place at the feeling. You squirm for a few seconds below falling limp against the bed. The room smells like nothing but filthy sex. 
Pulling out of you, he carefully places your legs back down before kissing your ribs. Then your bruised tits. Then your cheeks, forehead, and lastly, your lips that taste like home. Sighing against him, you try your best to remember the way he kisses you as if you're the only form of oxygen that exists. As if this were a dystopian world and you were the only source of survival.
He pecks your lips once more before brushing his fingers against your temple. “Get some sleep.” Yawning, you nod as your eyes flutter like a butterfly's wings. Will you stay? And he doesn’t know what takes over him when he says-
“I will.”
-
When you wake up you notice it’s still dark out. The moon shines, eyes flickering around, looking for the Spaniard. You let out a low breath of relief when you see him sitting on the edge of the bed. 
“Ollie,” he whispers into the phone as he runs a hand against his jaw. “...I made a mistake.”
Your heart stops with his words. He makes sure to speak low, thinking you're sound asleep. She - I - it was a mistake. She’s just a kid…Fuck. She’s just a child. Your heart shatters with the evident blame in his voice. You weren’t a kid. Sniffling, you stop breathing when you realize you’re crying. He pauses for a moment before standing up and making sure you’re okay. Bringing the phone up against his ear, he shakes, already walking out the door.
“Where are you? Let me just see you, amor. I’ll explain it all.”
-
There’s a saying that goes: You know, a heart can be broken, but it keeps on beating, just the same.
You would personally like to punch that person in the face. It’s not true. It doesn’t beat the same - because then why does it hurt everytime it pounds against your chest? Why is it hard to breath when the priest says-
“You may now kiss the bride!”
Everyone’s faces are blurry; cheers sound far away. You can’t be too sure you're standing upright as your father beams at the sight of Ollie pressing her lips up against Carlos. The way his hands slide down to her waist as shows her off proudly like some champion ring is what hurts the most. You feel flames all over your skin, letting out a flinch when your fathers signals for you to clap, too.
You don’t know what happened after that night. Whether Ollie forgave him or not - though clearly she had. Maybe she didn’t know about you the same way he didn’t know about Ben. This was all starting to feel like some nightmare. But it’s very much real life with the way the newlyweds hold hands, smiling brightly as guests throw a mixture of confetti and baby breath.
“Nice ceremony.”
“What? Oh.” You shrug towards Max as he points over at the couple. “Y-yeah. It was…”
He goes over his next words for a moment because Lord knows that if he has it all wrong then he would appear to be the biggest jerk to ever exist. “You fell in love with him, didn’t you?”
“I-I-I’m not sure I understand,” you trample over your words as your cheeks burn the same color of your red dress. He shares a small smile.
“It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone.”
Walking away, you’re left alone, second guessing everything. The violin seemed too happy. The guests seemed too bright. All of this was fake, couldn’t they see? Pursing your lips, you try your best to hide your broken heart as you catch up with old friends. How is college? How does it feel like having a brother-in-law who drives for Formula 1? Must feel pretty great, right? 
The night is boring. Half of it you spend faking smiles and the other you spend trying to avoid the Spaniard. Life was better back in Spain, where ironically, he was never around despite it being his home country. You’re in the middle of conversing with the Dutchman - who quite frankly is an honest listener - when Ollie walks up looking like a ball of whipped cream. Can I talk to my sister alone, please? Max’s concerned eyes ask if you’re okay with that as you nod. Slumping away, he squeezes your knee one last time.
Blue Velvet plays as she fixes herself onto the stool right next to you. “Have you tried the cocktails? They have cherry flavored; your favorite.” Something about her sweet voice makes you unsteady as you raise a brow. She shows off her veneers. “This is weird. Sorry. I’m just so…happy.” 
“Good to know.”
“But enough about me!” She places her left hand over yours, shiny rock sitting perfectly. You wince. “I want to talk about you! How’s school?”
“Like you care.”
She pouts. “I do now…” You furrow your brows. What do you mean now? She gasps. “Oh, you poor thing! You don’t know I know!” Your stomach drops. “Well, you know, as your older sister, I’m also your guardian since our mother is too fucked up to look after you…And a little birdie filled me in on your reputation back in Spain.” She giggles as she takes a sip of your drink. “Doesn’t surprise me, though. It only makes sense that you keep messing around with men old enough to be your father. You always had a thing for those.”
“What does this have to do with anything?”
Ollie grins ear to ear when she notices how annoyed you’ve become. “Carlos told you he was born in Madrid, right? Okay, well, he also has a whole bloodline there. And let’s just say, a cousin of his - my goodness, his daughters are beautiful - is a professor at your Uni.”
No.
“And well this birdie also told me how you’ve been sneaking in and out of his lecture room, late at night. And I wonder…What have you and him been doing behind closed doors?”
It can’t be. 
Professor Vázquez de Castro, he says as he extends his hand out, eyes roaming every inch of your body.
Suddenly, the name sounds familiar. The surname is Carlos’ extended one. Ollie’s eyes shine. “I see it’s clicking.”
“What do you want from me?”
“I want you to leave me and my husband alone. I want you to grab your things and leave. Don’t look back; just leave. Don’t contact papi ever again. I don’t want to hear a single thing from you. It’s bad enough you’ve already fucked my spouse.”
She knows. He told her. And they still got married. 
“Ollie, don’t…”
Tugging your hand harshly, she slaps her phone on it. And you don’t know how, but in it, it’s a video of you riding your Professor - Carlos’ cousin.
“Leave or I’ll show this to him. Your choice.”
Wet sobs leave your mouth as you shake your head in disbelief. How did this happen? Who took this video?
“Ollie, please…I love him.”
Her gaze sharpens as she takes the phone back and stands up. “You know what to do.”
Bringing your shaky hand up to your lips, you stare in shock. Wobbly legs walk past Max as he asks if you’re okay. One last smile looks back at him before you brush past by. 
Carlos is craning his neck, looking for you. He had confessed that night, but so had Ollie. He was breaking off the engagement. Spilling apologies as she cried against his chest. Despite it all, he still cared for your sister. But he knew it wasn’t going to work out. He was ready to leave when she brought up the tape of you and a cousin he didn’t even know he had. I’ll get her expelled. Don’t do this, Carlos. And so he stayed. He knew how much you loved school, regardless of what others might think. I just want to help others, you swooned one day by the pool. It’s what I wish someone had done for me.
You get to him before he spots you as you tap on his shoulder. He fills up with worry when he sees your red brimmed eyes. Sheepishly, you take his handkerchief as you wipe your rosy nose. What happened? Who made you cry? You shrug.
“Carlos…I love you.” He blinks. You let out a wet laugh as you lean up to kiss him. You didn’t care who saw anymore. This was it. He doesn’t seem to care either as his hands wrap around your waist. Holding you close, as if you might vanish into thin air. He was the waves, you were the shore. Pulling away, you wink. “Save me a dance, yeah?” 
Then, you’re walking away. Becoming smaller as you stroll over to the Italian house. Clutching his chest, he chokes: I-I…I.
“Carlos!”
Turning to face Ollie, he sees her waving him over to the giant cake. 
“Coming.”
-
Running into the quiet house, he calls your name. He looks behind every door, hoping to find the girl in red. Stumbling up the stairs, he swings your door open. He breathes heavily when he doesn’t find you, even here. Panicked, he grips his hair in despair. Only then, does it occur to him to open the restroom door, hoping to not scare you.
“¿Bonita?”
Silence. He still pushes it open as he carefully walks in, finding no harm in checking. And why? Why couldn’t he be as truthful like you were? Risk it the way you would have willingly done. Why did he let you walk into the house alone?
Falling to his knees, he desperately crawls over to your lifeless body, dark blood flowing from your wrists. 
As red as your dress.
He must be dreaming. This can’t be real. Surely, it can’t.
“No, no, no.” He drags your limp body into his arms. He can’t even pinpoint the moment his tears flow down his face. “Bonita, no. No. No. No.” The Spaniard cradles your colorless face into his hands. He gently taps your face a few times, but almost stops breathing himself when it only rolls back. Blood stains his white shirt. “Hey, hey.  C’mon, please. You want me to say it?” Hurriedly, he picks up your head as he kisses your lips over and over. He winces when he feels how chapped they’ve become.
“It doesn’t feel forced. I’m not saying it because I think it’s what you want to hear - I love you. I do. I love you as infinite as the ocean. I love the way you laugh, the way you trip over anything in your way, the way you say my name…I love you.” 
But he knew you weren’t listening. Not anymore. 
A piece of him died that day along with you. After that, life was a sickening blur. He’s out of it the moment he hears your father yelling out in agony or when Ollie screams at the gruesome scene. 
None of it mattered anymore.
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9thbutterfly · 9 months ago
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Today I had some quiet time to myself in one of the production greenhouses, no customers, no colleagues, no radio numbing my thoughts, and spent the time playing "what would I have done differently, if I could go back knowing what I know now". (Not in a regretful way, it is what it is, now, just... playing.)
Kind of started with thinking about one colleague who pointed out we've met before, during the master classes. She dropped out, frustrated because it was so chaotic. I stuck it out, knowing that I had a business to rent at the end of it.
If I knew that after six years, I would get told, "we don't need and want you any more", would I still have finished the classes? Or taken them at all? How far would I go back, if I could?
Would I have stayed at my former workplace for so long, or would I have kept an eye out for something else, knowing that there's a possibility the nursery would close if I didn't take it when the owners retired?
(Supposedly, Former Boss told one of my employees that there were a lot of other people interested in the nursery at the time. First time I ever heard of it, and he never properly talked to me about whether I *wanted* the nursery (which, in hindsight, is quite the red flag), just assumed I would take it, while I assumed he would offer it.)
Might have been wisest to get out before it came to that. But it would also mean missing out on friendships and acquaintances and professional connections...
Life would probably have been easier if I never rented the nursery. Could have invested my savings in some land to grow weird vegetables. Or maybe saved up for a house instead. (I like our home. But I wish the garden wasn't so cramped.)
So much more peaceful if I hadn't had to deal with dishonest employees screwing me over. But. Then there is the girl who dropped out of her apprenticeship because of drugs, and I gave her a chance and she did so well. (She was a brat, too. But what a recovery.) And there is the other girl I took a chance on, who struggled with mental health issues, and she did so well too. And. Idk. They might have found another job. Somebody else to support them. But they also might not. They might still be struggling, and struggling worse than they did when I met them.
So if I could go back, could I choose my own potential greater happiness at the expense of theirs?
And apart from work... How do you say goodbye to your father knowing it's the last time, knowing he'll let you down one time too many and you'll cut contact, and all you'll ever see again of him is the stain on the floor where his body rotted? (And yet. It was the right decision.)
How do you say goodbye to a friend, knowing her cancer will come back and she'll die while the pandemic prevents you from seeing her one last time?
It's for the best that we can't go back. But still, I wonder. How far? How to choose?
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azuisreading · 2 years ago
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A Rival Most Vial by R.K. Ashwick
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Two potion shops, one heated rivalry…until hate bubbles over into something else. Any adventurer worth their sword knows about Ambrose Beake. The proud, quiet half-elf sells the best, and only, potions in the city—until a handsome new shopkeeper named Eli opens another potion shop across the street, throwing Ambrose’s peace and ledgers far off balance. Within weeks, they’re locked in a war of price tags and products—Ambrose’s expertise against Eli’s effortless charm. Toil leads to trouble, the safety gloves come off, and right as their rivalry reaches a boiling point… The mayor commissions them to brew a potion together. The task is as complex as it is lucrative, pushing both men to the limits of their abilities and patience. Yet as the fires burn and cauldrons bubble…they find a different sort of chemistry brewing.
Review
I'm writing this review because I had the luck to be part of this book's ARC team and I loved it and need to share this love in a review format.
I already said the most important part: I loved it. Since I found out about the cover reveal on Tumblr, I felt drawn to it and I'm glad I didn't let my shyness stop me from signing up as an ARC. I was curious about how characters in the background of adventure D&D stories can make their own, and what they would be about. This was a great example to satisfy my curiosity and give me the spark to look for more of this kind. There's no reason to lie, I love calm and quiet, cozy, love stories... though the calm and quiet part is pretty relative...
Who knew wand and potion makers can have that much fun? I'm not saying they exactly had fun, it wasn't fun for them, but even for their undisturbed kind of lives, they had maybe too much action and drama for a lifetime. At least that was what I thought. For not adventurers kind of people, they're also full of adventures. And it's satisfying. We don't always have to venture to the woods and slay dragons (please, do not slay dragons, dragons are friends!) to have a fulfilling, enriching life.
And what a potion maker needs to spice up their almost boring and not exactly fulfilling and enriching life more than another potion maker opening a potion shop right in front of their own? It's war, baby. And people don't always think this through, but war, wanting it or not, always leads to love. And I'm here for all the love.
Goddess, this book broke me and healed me in ways I'm still unaware of. Because of the love. Here are so many kinds of love and each and every one of them touched me differently. But don't let me forget to tell you, this annoying potion maker didn't want any kind of love.
I think I have said enough already. Why you don't dive into the Scar and meet these amazing people? At first, I thought I wasn't going to love them, but on the journey, all my thoughts changed. That's what usually happens when you pass enough time, everything you thought about tends to change. Well... I'm glad. This is one of my favorite books so far.
Phrases that I liked so much that I marked them while reading
«“Ah, so this is all your fault? In that case, you owe me far more than berries, Miss Kerighin. Tea and cookie in Little Elwig, I think.” “You ask for too much,” she sighed. “How about tomorrow?” “Tomorrow.” He nodded.» — Step 1.
«“So, you’ve met the potioneer?” Lili asked. “What’s he like? Paint a picture so I can imagine myself punching him.” “Lily.” “Pa, come on,” she pouted. “He’s the competition. Give me the details, give me the drama, let me live vicariously through—"» — Step 3.
«“You should punch him,” Lily said. “Violence is not the answer—” “Well, I’m not there to do it for him, Ma!” “Just because you chased off one thief does not mean you get to…” Marcos sighed. “We’ll discuss this later. Eli, you still there?”» — Step 3.
«“You take care of yourself and Tom, now. She’s the wisest little beer mug I’ve ever met.” “Yeah?” “Well, she did pick you, after all.”» — Step 3.
«“I, um…” Why couldn’t he think of words? He could always think of words. “I just wanted to…” Ambrose’s look cooled into a sullen gray. “What do you need to borrow?” Eli let out a breath. “How did you know?” “Please.” He neatened his cuffs. “No one comes into my store just to talk to me. What do you need?”» — Step 7.
«“I can brew in smaller, more effective doses, and free up space on an adventurer’s belt for something else.” He set down the bottle with a clink and looked back at Eli. “Ideally, something that knocks some sense into them and keeps them from hunting river krakens in the first place.”» — Step 7.
«“Hey.” Ambrose looked up. Banneker grinned. “You’re my favorite dude of brew. You know that, right?”» — Step 8.
«He didn’t know where his brain had gone this morning, but it was clearly nowhere near his head.» — Step 10.
«“I think he just needs some time. Why don’t we come back when his aura’s more settled?” Ambrose resisted the urge to snap the broom in half. “My aura isn’t…” He passed a hand over his face. “I don’t have! An aura! And if you say it’s blue one more time, I…” He pointed at his hair. “My hair is blue. My eyes are blue. I am literally wearing blue. Saying I have a blue aura signifies absolutely nothing—” Banneker’s gaze hardened. “It signifies, my dude”—he crossed his arms—“that you have some problems.”» — Step 10.
«Eli walked inside with his usual confident stride and stuck out his hand. “Hello. I’m Eli Valenz. I run the shop across the street.” Yes, that was the entirety of the problem, Ambrose wanted to say. But Eli was trying, so he supposed he should try, too.» — Step 13.
«“Well, you see, my last experiment broke down at step fifty-seven—” “Fifty-seven?” “So, I made a tweak to that step. If my calculations are correct…” He flipped back to the clean list at the end of the notes. “This should work.” Eli gaped. “How long will this take you? Three days?” “Fifteen minutes, if I time it right.” Eli searched Ambrose’s face for any hint of a joke. There was none.» — Step 18.
«He had failed Dawn, and she had left him there. Apparently, he was very easy to leave behind.» — Step 21.
«He supposed he would have to be patient, too. But patience was never his strong suit.» — Step 22.
«He didn’t want to talk to a date about his problems. He wanted to talk to Ambrose. Take him up on his offer to talk, step through his options. Maybe Ambrose could just write the solution in his notebook like before, with his clear steps and diagrams. He laughed to himself—he could imagine the list now. Step one: I told you so.» — Step 22.
«It was too easy to convince himself he was busy. That he had so much to brew. And by nightfall, he had convinced himself of even more.» — Step 23.
«They had been there; they had always been there.» — Step 25.
«“I’m so sorry,” he said, wiping the tears from his face, his throat stinging at the salt. “I can’t ever pay you back. How can I ever—how can I—” “No, no,” she murmured, dragging over her chair to sit by him. “This isn’t about paying us back. Not for any of it, you understand me? That’s not how family works.”» — Step 25.
«“Then you see who you can support in your own way. That’s all you can ever do.”» — Step 25.
«He cursed and backed away from the window, bouncing on his heels. “Okay, Ames, I’m coming in, and I promise I’m going to pay for the window after—” “What on earth are you doing?” Ambrose demanded. Eli jumped and clutched his heart. “Ambrose!” He whipped around to find the man standing in the street, leaning against a staff and holding a cloth bundle in his arms.» — Step 26.
«“Can I make you some tea? Get you a healing potion?” “Sherry already gave me some, but…” Ambrose lifted the bundle in his arms. “I would like your help with something, please.” Eli stared at him. Ambrose, asking for help? Perhaps he was experiencing brain fog after all. “Yes,” Eli blurted out. “Yes, anything.”» — Step 26.
«He looked up at Eli, his voice quiet, wide eyes pleading. “Will you help me do it?” When asked like that, Eli would have agreed to anything.» — Step 26.
«Oh, right. They had a quest. Fine—quest first, then a date.» — Step 26.
«“We’re here!” Eli crowed. “How are you doing?” “I suppose I’m not dead,” he muttered into the fabric. “Come on. I just saved you a few hours ago. Why would I throw all that effort away?”» — Step 27.
«“Can I ki—” “Yes.”» — Step 27.
«Grim gently pushed on Banneker’s shoulder to guide him out the door���but then lingered at the doorway, their eyes soft. “Should I be home by a certain time?” Ambrose asked, half smiling. But Grim’s gaze remained sincere. “Proud of you, Beake,” they said.» — Step 29.
«They were standing in front of Widdershins’ Books, its warm windows a beacon in the cool evening. “Are you sure?” he asked, unable to contain his smile. “Absolutely.” He turned to Eli. “I mean—I could spend hours in here, you understand. But if you get bored—” Eli shook his head. “I’m with you,” he said. “I won’t get bored.”» — Step 29.
«“I find your intelligence attractive.”» — Step 29.
«But if he wanted to be an adventurer. He’d have to leave Ambrose.» — Step 32.
«“Stupid that you love him?” Dawn plucked the cookie out of his fingers and ate it. “Ambrose, I think it’s the smartest thing you’ve ever done.”» — Step 33.
«“So, you’re really dating him?” she asked. “Yes, Lily.” “And it’s not some corporate conspiracy to get rid of your competitor?” “No, Lily.” “Okay.” She pressed her lips into a line. “I had committed to some sabotage on the way here, you know. Tripping him in the street, breaking a cauldron—” “Lil.” She raised her hands. “But I guess I’ll hold off for now. Just tell me if it’s ever needed, okay?”» — Step 34.
«You will not find a better potion master—nor a better friend.» — Step 40.
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zymruk · 2 years ago
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Izogie x reader
Izogie x fem!reader
CW: fluff, the two of you in love. Izogie being... herself. A little bit of teasing nothing really sexual though. You're an agojie.
Summary: The agojies just returned to the villiage from a mission. It is hard, two women died in this rescue mission. You and Izogie try to reconfort each other.
A/N: It's a short one-shot. Obviously the reader is black.
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It had been two hours since the agojies were back in the village. It had been a quiet walk back home. While everyone was recupering and tending to wounds, you had retreated to your quarters. Everyone had treated the latest mission as a win, and although it was, you still felt grief for your past sisters.
Fortunately for you, your dearest friend was beside you. Izogie had always been a great advice giver, an even greater shoulder to cry on. If you could still marry someone, it definitely would have been her. You remember the two of you growing up dreaming of serving your people with the agojies. And now you two had succeeded at doing it.
"What are you doing all pensive" Her hand had taken you out of your dreamerie. She always had the knack to surprise you, whenever she felt like it. At this point, the two of you were sat down.
"Nothing, just thinking about everything."
"Wow, you're thinking? You should stop hanging with Amenza so much, she's giving you ideas." Her smirk was already forming by the time she finished talking. Amenza was one of the wisest people you'd ever met. Her comment only drew a giggle out of you.
"No just, things changed so much from when we were little girls." Her facial expretion was a mixture of surprised and sadness. However, as soon as it appeared it disappeared.
"Yeah, I remember when you used to cry when it got dark." she had started to laugh, you tried your hardest not to join her. Still, it was so contagious that you ended up laughing too.
It felt good to reminisce about good memories, rather than sad ones. When the laughs died down a bit, the two of you were so close that if you tried to stand up, you'd bump into each other.
As you two were catching your breaths, you were staring directly at her and so was she. Slowly, she laid her hand on your cheek. Gently stroking it with her thumb.
"Is there something on my face?" You whispered at her. You were trying so hard to not lower your gaze on her lips. I mean, she is a beautiful woman, with a beautiful personality. You'd never really thought into it, but, yeah you found her terribly attractive.
She didn't vocally respond to your question, the only thing she did was grab your neck with her free hand and link your lips together. You didn't even think she would do it, but wasn't against it either. The kiss felt the same as the enticipation you'd feel when drinking water after spending the last week in a desert. You kissed her back and eventually, smiled doing it.
"Now, I think I got it." She said with the biggest smiled you'd seen this day.
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wandasleftshoe · 3 years ago
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Glimpse of Us (Eddie Munson x Reader
Summary: Your timing had never been good when it came to Eddie Munson, nor had his been with you. Until one day, just maybe it was finally right.
A/N: I’m blasted rn, so it’s either gonna be good or it’s going to be shit. I live by that quote “write drunk, edit sober” or whatever tf the quote is. Enjoy, or don’t. Idc. Also, yes this is HEAVILY inspired by the song Glimpse of Us by Joji and minorly a part of my life that I wish to forget. Life imitates art, as they say. Feel free to listen to the playlist I listened to while writing this. 
Warnings: kinda sad, angst, cursing, mention of substance abuse, probably some grammar mistakes lol
Word Count: 2,739
I. 
It was sophomore year of highschool when Y/N started dating Eddie Munson. Life was like a dream, he was kind, funny, and only wanted to love and be with her. And she felt the exact same for him. It was like she found her missing piece, the flame burned bright between the two of them and everyone could see it, though people still talked.
That might have been what caused everything to happen. For months, the two basically lived together. Ate, breathed, and lived to be with each other. Others were jealous that Eddie “the Freak” Munsons had ended up with Hawkin’s local bombshell. Kids around school would whisper, the town loves to gossip, as we all know.
“He’s just using her to gain social status,” or “There’s no way she actually wants to be with him, it must be some charity case.” Everyone heard the whispers, even Y/N and Eddie, in their love sick world. That might have been why the two soon grew to loathe each other, or maybe, as they say, the flame simply burnt out. Either way, after about a year of bliss, a month of low communication, the two were done.
Soon after the breakup, Y/N climbed the social chain, of course she had always known everyone, and everyone knew her. But now that she was a single gal, the boys flocked, and she didn’t deny them. She joined the cheer squad, had a “close” group of friends within it. She played the part really well, everything in her life felt okay all things considered.
Until Eddie got a new girlfriend.
II.
After the breakup, Eddie was a mess. He didn’t know why things turned out the way they did, he loved Y/N. She was his girl, his heart, his entire fucking world. But when people started to talk, he listened to them, and not the girl he loved. In the deepest parts of his mind, he did feel inferior, like maybe what they were saying was true. How could a girl like her; gorgeous inside and out, the kindest, wisest soul he had ever met- want to be with a freak like him? What did he have to provide? A shitty cover band and some cool t-shirts? That was the kind of thinking that led him to letting her go. To give her a real chance at a good life, find someone just as caring, just as loyal, just as perfect as her.
When she rose to be one of the most popular girls at school, he couldn’t blame her, though it hurt to watch her go. He was proud of how she was blooming. But when the other boys at school started openly flirting and she didn’t turn them down, he figured it was time to move on.
I mean, how could it have been real to her if she could move on so easily, so fast? Or at least- that’s how it felt to Eddie.
Though if Eddie had been a mind reader he would have seen how much it pained her to not be with him. So she distracted herself the way she saw all of her friends did- with boys and alcohol. A little mindless flirting here, an insignificant date there, parties all the time. In all honesty, it did nothing to soothe the pain of not being with him. He was like her favorite drug, and now she was going through withdrawals.
So when Eddie showed up to school with his arm slung around some chick Y/N vaguely remembers walking down the hall from time to time, she couldn’t decide if she was crushed or if she was irrevocably angry. He had done the same thing to her not even a month ago, and now- now he was with some other girl? No, this wasn’t happening. How could she be so replaceable to him after all the time and love they shared? Her heart hurt, it felt like it was going to burst out of her chest and right out onto the floor in front of Eddie’s feet just to be crushed once again. This was her sign to move on, as impossible as it felt.
On the other side of things, Eddie felt like he was slowly being pulled out of that pit of darkness his mind swam in since the breakup. Rachel Fox, a girl he had known of since elementary school actually wanted to date him and after a few dates, they made it official. Eddie and Rachel, boyfriend and girlfriend. She saw Eddie in these dark times and she shown a light. And though he was slowly climbing his way out, she was patient with him. So careful not to tug on his fragile heart.
But sometimes, when they were alone together, Eddie couldn’t quite shake the thought of Y/N. He sees her in Rachel sometimes, when she’s extra caring or hugs him from behind, or kisses him in just the way to make shivers run down his spine. Something in his mind always snaped back to those times with Y/N, and he would catch a glimpse of what he used to have. And everytime he can’t help but still feel those feelings for her.
But he tried, he really did. Because Rachel was wonderful, she was a perfect girl. Only it felt like she wasn’t the perfect girl for him. He tried to appreciate everything he has right in front of him. Rachel loved him openly, quietly, in a way of her own that made him feel special. It’s just- she wasn’t Y/N. Y/N was loud with her love, just as he had been with her. She was a fierce lover, a solid foundation, and now that she was gone everything was rocky and shaky.
When the guilt of not being able to give Rachel the love she was giving him, he broke it off. He just couldn’t go on living in his head with the love of his life while this girl looked at him like he was her everything, it wasn’t right. He knew that. So he broke up with her, and he planned on going to Y/N and telling her everything. How he never stopped loving her and he was just too insecure about himself and let everything go too far. How he would never let her go again if she just took him back or even just let him into her life as a friend, he found himself and he could be the man she already thought he was. Because he realized something in the months that he wasn’t with her; it was all just talk. Nothing could replace the way he felt for this girl, nobody could tell him he wasn’t enough for her, not even himself. Eddie Munson was finally sure of himself and his feelings, and this time he was not going to let her go.
But he was too late.
III.
In the few months that Eddie and Rachel began dating, Y/N decided that enough was enough. She was Y/N motherfucking L/N. She was not going to let one stupid boy ruin her time. Nor any other boys. If she was going to date, it was going to be legit from now on and that’s exactly what she did. After about 6 months of working on herself, and figuring out what life is like by herself, she felt good enough in her own mind to begin opening back up again.
There was a period where she was stuck, drowning in the pain of losing Eddie. She couldn’t stand to be by herself. When she was at school she was always with someone in those first few months. At home, she was bugging her mom to hang out with her or out partying and drinking herself to death. It was only when she saw Eddie loving another girl that it snapped her out of that trance. Eddie would be so disappointed to see her doing this to herself, staying up all night crying and taking a shot of whatever liquor her parents had in the cabinet when she felt the slightest bit sober. It was like she could hear his voice in her head, telling her she was slowly ruining her own life. She needs to get up and rock life’s shit. She needs to do better, for herself.
That’s exactly what she did.
After some time, she was okay being alone. She could finally read again, something she enjoyed all her life until the breakup when she couldn’t stand her own thoughts. She could go to a party and be completely sober and have a wonderful time. She could go on a date with a boy and feel a connection.
The boy with said connection was David Mitchell. A linebacker who was really nice to talk to and made her have butterflies in her belly again. It was a relieving feeling, to feel excited about a boy who wasn’t Eddie Munson. And date after date, she came home feeling like maybe she was going to move on this time.
David was as lovely as any boy could be, he laughed loudly and was unapologetically himself not only around her but everyone else. She could see herself falling in love with him, though every time she caught Eddie staring at them from across the cafeteria, there was a tug at her heart. But that was over, right? He moved on, even said it the one time they spoke after the breakup.
But even after Eddie wasn’t in sight, she still thought of him. When David was professing his heart to her, that he savored every moment they were together like a dehydrated man finally getting a drop of water. Though David was amazing, on the lonely nights she didn’t think of David. She thought of Eddie.
It only got worse the day after news went around that Eddie and Rachel broke up. Y/N was sitting in David's car when she saw Eddie’s van whip in the school parking lot the way it always did, but he whipped it right to where her car was sitting. Like he was on a mission. Only to find she wasn’t in her car, she was in the spot beside it, in David’s. She only noticed the look of defeat on his face when David opened her door, pressed a kiss on her forehead, and said those god forsaken words, “I love you.”
It all felt like deja vu. Once upon a time, this was her and Eddie.
In that moment her heart broke once again. All those feelings came crashing back like the waves on a rocky shore.
She pushed them as far away as she could, but that entire day there was something in the back of her head, nagging at her to listen to her heart one more time. Stop using her brain and let herself fall back into those arms.
How could she though? She had everything right here. She was secure in her mind, she was sober, she had a guy who would walk thousands of miles just to tell her how much he loved her. She was happy, or at least that’s what she kept telling herself. It felt wrong to think that maybe she was unhappy with where she was, she wasn’t. Unsatisfied might be a better word for it. Even when she laid in his arms on those late nights, as happy as she felt, she knew this spot in his heart wasn’t meant for her.
Weeks went by before she could fully admit this to herself.
Weeks of her heart and her head battling each other, ripping and tearing at one another like starved lions fighting over the first live prey they’ve seen in days. It kept her up many nights, to the point where she thought of picking up that bottle again, but one thought kept her from doing that.
Eddie wouldn’t want me to go down that road again.
It was that thought that snapped it all into place for her. Eddie was the one that came to mind, not David. Sweet, sweet David, who was going to be heartbroken at this revelation. But it wasn’t fair to him, keeping him for as long as she had wasn’t fair to him, just as Eddie had thought about Rachel. Stupid great minds think alike. It’s as if they were never really meant to leave each other in the first place, who knew?
So she did it the very next day, unable to drag this on any longer. Yes, it hurt her very much, but it was for the best. She could not fully give herself to someone when she still loved another with all of her heart. All of her soul.
IV.
It wasn’t long (about 10 minutes to be exact) before word got around school that the golden couple, David and Y/N, broke up. As I’ve said before, Hawkins LOVES gossip, so much so that it got to the point where Y/N just decided to go home. A day, that was all she needed to get her mind together- or at least that’s what she told herself. At least now she wasn’t just wasting David’s time.
When news got around to Eddie, at first he didn’t know what to do with himself. This was it, finally after all this time of being out of time with Y/N, maybe this was his chance to win her back. Wait, but didn’t they just break up? Yes, this thought did run through Eddie’s mind. Being the gentleman he is, he decided to wait just a little longer, I mean he waited all this time. What's a few more days, or weeks just to let her feel all of her feelings. He just wanted her to be okay.
Eventually, days went by, and there was no sign of her at school. At this point, Eddie was getting worried. Y/N was at school the day after they broke up, looking like nothing was wrong. It made him feel like maybe this was hitting her harder than anything before. And though he might not know a lot, he did know Y/N. He knew her heart, and how fragile it was. He knew she needed a shoulder to cry on, to caress her sweet head and tell her everything was going to be okay. He decided he was going to go to her tonight, and offer that- as a friend. Not spring his feelings on her, just let her live and have someone on her side if she needed, he loved her enough that just having her in his life as even just a friend was enough.
So he did just that. That night, dark and stormy as he was, he grabbed the hand picked flowers he stole from his grandma’s yard earlier and ran to his van in the pouring rain.
Only he didn’t make it that far when a pair of headlights pulled into his driveway.
No, no, that’s not right. That familiar little Station Wagon wasn’t the one he thought it to be. That wasn’t Y/N’s car in his driveway. Not the girl he was just about to go see, practically falling out of her car and running up to him, hair already clinging to her face from the pouring rain.
But it was, it was his Y/N.
There she stood in front of him, looking like she just cracked some top secret government code, a familiar, warm look in her eyes.
“Eddie- I still love you.” Those words washed over him in a way he never thought they could. It was desperate, needy, all the things that he felt towards her. God, was this a dream? It had to be a dream. Y/N standing right in front of him confessing her love to him just as he had only hoped in his wildest dreams to happen again.
“I still love you too. I’m so wildly, unbelievably, profusely in love with you, and I’m sorry for everything that happened between us, but I’m ready to be with you again. I’ll wait- as long as you need me to, I’ll do it for you, Y/N-”
But his words are cut off by a kiss.
A single kiss that will lead to a lifetime of happiness.
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shitpostingiris · 2 years ago
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This fic is inspired by @moss-is-a-tasty-snack . They came up with the plot I’m simply just the writer bringing it to life.
LOST AND FOUND
Chapter 4- Here’s Hoping
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Warnings- depictions of violence 🩸
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The trio entered the outskirts of hell. Y/n shivering slightly at the coldness of this realm. Matthew shivering right alongside her. Many people assumed hell was a fiery pit but just as Lucifer’s heart, It was as cold as ice. Matthew peered down the side of the hill to see the never ending line of damned souls “they make you bring your own fire to hell?” Y/n chuckled at the raven's surprise, turning to look up at Dream. She spoke in a hesitant tone “Hell is as ruthless as its ruler Matthew.”
As they approach the gate, the last of the damned passes through, the gates closing behind them. Matthew, once again confused, "We're not sneaking in with them?". Y/n smiles with a shake of her head and responds, "Neither a king nor queen may enter another monarch's realm uninvited. There are rules, protocols which must be followed". Dream starts forward towards the gong by the gate, a stony demon passing him the stick to strike with. The gong resonates, startling the demons carved into the walls, alerting the gatekeeper.
" There's one at the door, at the gate of damnation. Is it thief, thug or whore? There's one at the door and there's room for one more, til the end of creation." The demon Squatterbloat recites as the three of them make their way to the gate. Dream greets him. They share a conversation for a moment, while Matthew figures out how to hop up and perch on y/n's shoulder. However, it turns sour as the demon brings up Dream's lost ruby, "Shall I use it to haunt your dreams?" He threatens "and your waking hours too? Or will you open the gates of Hell and let us through?" Y/n gently swats his arm and scolds him for testing his luck with the demon, but nonetheless they all pass through and make their way to the palace.
It's not long until they are in the midst of a grey, ashen woodland, the floor scattered with bones. Matthew now comfortably perched, questions their position to which it is revealed to him that the land changes according to Lucifer "as in, the devil?", y/n nods " wait so do you three all know each other?" Dream speaks up "We've known each other for a very long time, when we first met they were the angel Samael" Matthew caws mentioning he forgot the devil used to be an angel "not just any angel," Dream continued "the most beautiful, wisest and most powerful of all angels" he looked over at his wife to find a soured face looking back "Not that they could ever compare to you, y/n, I think he means" Matthew pipes up, trying to save Morpheus' skin. With an annoyed look on her face “saving only the creator, Lucifer is, perhaps, the most powerful being there is.” “Even more powerful than you, Dream?” Matthew spoke hesitantly as y/n interrupted Dream “by far, especially now.” Her eyes glaring at Dream, annoyed by the compliments given to the fallen she used to call family. Matthew sensing the tension, he brought the missing demon to their attention. Squatterbloat returning from the mist a few seconds later, motioning them to follow with a grunt.
As they walked up the skinny, winding path y/n made sure to keep close to Dream, Matthew still perched on her shoulder. All quiet, not wanting to disturb the souls as the group passed. The tension broke as a wavering voice called out to dream “Kai’ckul…. Dream lord.” The woman coming to grasp at the bars of her prison “it is you.” Y/n kept her gaze down tightly grabbing into her dress knowing exactly who the woman was. Dream spoke trying his hardest to stay monotone “I greet you, Nada” y/n looked up to see tears running down the young woman’s face “Kai’ckul, how I have prayed for this day, I knew you would come.” With a sneer, jealousy raising in the pits of her stomach. She stayed quiet knowing this was all a ploy conned by Lucifer. Y/n heard Dream speak with emotion that pained her “It pains me to see you like this.” Y/n knew the history between the two and it made it just as hard for her in this moment. Nada spoke to Dream with such emotion and want in her voice it could bring anyone to tears “then, free me, lord, only your forgiveness can free me. Do you not still love me?” As soon as love fell from Nada's lips she grabbed into Dream's sleeve making herself known to the prisoner with a hateful look in her eyes. Knowing Dream could sense her jealousy and anger. “It has been 10,000 years, Nada…… Yes, I do still love you. But I have not yet forgiven you.” Y/n knew neither of their words should have affected her to such a degree. She knew Dream's past with Nada, and she knew he never really stopped loving his past relations. But seeing and hearing the emotions from the two. Anger, resentment, and jealousy crawled its way under her skin. Dream looking away from the woman who was now staring at y/n with a shocked face tears still staining her skin. With a voice that spoke still hinting with pain, Dream grabbed y/n's hand “come, we must be going” Y/n could only look down as they walked. Embarrassment and regret filled her realizing her wrongful emotions, yet she was still not able to rid herself of them. Hearing the last plea as they walked farther into the distance “kai’ckul, I will not give up hope. I will never give up hope.” Trying to shake away the bad thoughts, she followed as the demon led them into Lucifer’s chambers.
“Returning her mind back to the current situation as y/n saw the demon who possessed Dream's helm appear from the sand. Moving back to Dream's side as he addressed the demon “tell me your name, demon” The demon looking to Lucifer asking if he had to tell him his name, almost like a whiny child. “That is Choronzon. A Duke of Hell.” Lucifer spoke, stepping a little closer to Dream and y/n. The demon arguing with Dream that the helm was now his, a fair trade as he said. Y/n looked up to catch eyes with the demon, her skin crawling with the look he gave her. With a smirk tugging at his lips “I’ll trade it with you. I’ll give you the helm, you give me the pretty lady.” Dream instantly stepping in front of her protectively “That pretty lady’ is my wife demon. She is not a part of this. Make another offer.” Y/n couldn’t help the small smile that painted her lips at Dream's protectiveness. The demon snarling “fine if the Dream king wants his helm back, he'll have to fight me for it.” Y/n's eyes widening at the proclamation. Hoping Dream would say no but sadly not, to her surprise, he challenged him. “If I win, you will return my helmet.” The demon glaring at Dream “and if you lose, you’ll serve as my slave in Hell for eternity.” As if someone had punched y/n in her stomach all the air disappeared in her lungs at the demon's words. Staying silent until a risky idea popped into her mind.
Lucifer had a sick smile on their face as the demon chose them as their champion. Stepping up before Dream could choose himself y/n spoke “I volunteer to be Dream of the Endless' champion.” Lucifer and herself used to play this game when they still resided in heaven. Y/n knew how they played, she was not going to be scared of going against them again.
Dream tried to protest to his wife’s words only to be hushed by not only y/n but also lucifer. Y/n's clothes changed to a white and pale yellow silk robe that pooled around her feet like dawn's first rays, as well as Lucifer’s own clothes, the Fallen now dressed in black leather, and latex. The pair staring at each other not once breaking their eyes. Lucifer speaking first “As the challenged, I set the meter. And take the first move." Y/n swiftly nods, retaining eye contact with her old friend. "I am…" Lucifer starts with a smirk "a dire wolf. Prey-stalking, lethal prowler." Y/n returns the smirk, quickly responding, "I am a huntress. Horse-mounted, wolf-stabbing" The whistle of a loosed arrow echoes in their minds as a puncture wound appears in Lucifer's chest, causing them to gasp and pull their blood-covered hands away, seething with anger. "I am a serpent, horse-biting, poison-toothed" Y/n reels in pain, half of their face covered in blackened veins, looking back at her husband with bloodshot eyes. "I am a Peregrine Falcon" Y/n turns back to Lucifer "snake-devouring, talons ripping" Lucifer gasps again as claw marks slash across their face. They stand to their full height, discarding their mask of calm, fully revealing their rage "I am a butcher bacterium, warm-life destroying" The look of concern on Dream's face only grew as he watched his wife's skin start peeling and decaying away as she regained her composure and calmly responded, "I am water, bacterium-drowning, life-nourishing" Lucifer looks strange as they appear to be drowning in the air. In between gasps of breaths, they manage "I am a volcano, water-evaporating, life-ending" while y/n screams and collapses to the ground, her flesh seared and scorched. She weakly takes her move, "I…am…a universe…all things-encompassing, all-life-embracing." As she stands, Lucifer cockily grins between Dream and y/n before they speak, "I am anti-life…the Beast of Judgement…the dark at the end of everything". With that y/n collapses to the floor once more, all the colour from her being faded and dulled to a near-monochrome pallor. Morpheus goes to rush to his wife's side, but is halted by Mazikeen. " What will you be then, Little Queen?" Y/n tries to formulate her move, but to no avail as she groans in pain and defeat. "Still with us Y/n?" Matthew butting in on y/n's defense “she is and it’s her move. Your majesty.” Lucifer seems surprised at the Queen of Love's determination "There are no more moves. What can survive the anti-life?" Y/n could only groan as she could feel the life draining from her. Vision blurring she could only see a black shape hearing Matthew's voice “Hey, y/n listen to me. You know what can survive the anti-life? You and Dream. Love and Dreams don’t fucking die. Not if you believe in them. And I believe Y/n the goddess of love and Dream's wife would never leave us here alone, in hell with lucifer.” Y/n struggled to lift her body looking up to Lucifer, remembering Nada's crying pleas. One word sticking out to her. Locking her eyes to Lucifer’s one last time a smile played on her lips “I…am hope" Her competition stood shell-shocked as she rose to meet them. "Well, Lightbringer?" Dream asked, as he strutted over to his wife's side. "What is it that kills hope?" Lucifer looked incredulously at the pair before snapping their gaze to the demon clutching Dream's helm "Choronzon, give him his helm." Much like before, Choronzon was being childish and petulant, refusing to release the helmet. Mazikeen quickly dealt with him, throwing the demon into the pit of the rest of them as Dream retrieved his prize and thanked her.
"Thank you, Lightbringer. The ruler of hell is honorable indeed." Lucifer chuckles drily "Honorable? You joke, surely. Look out there, the billion Lords of Hell stand arrayed about you. Tell us, why should we let you leave? Helmet or no, neither of you have any power here, after all what power does love or dreams have in hell?" Y/n walked towards the pair. Linking arms with her husband wearing a proud smirk she spoke “you say love and dreams have no power here. Perhaps you speak the truth. But what would happen to your realm if these souls were not able to dream of heaven. What would happen if these souls stopped loving the idea of heaven.” Y/n stared into Lucifer’s eyes as a grimace formed, their eyes nearly brimming with tears “one day y/n, morpheus…we shall destroy you both.” With a small bow y/n spoke “until that day, Samael” The grimace on Lucifer’s face now a sneer, but a tiny flash of sadness passed through their eyes hearing y/n speak of and say their former name.
Matthew spoke up as the trio walked further away from Hell's palace “do you think Lucifer will come after you both?” Y/n and Dream answering almost in sync a quick “Why?” escaping their lips. Stealing a quick kiss on his wife's forehead, Dream then placed the helm on top of his head. Matthew's tone filled with worry and anxiety, “because you both just publicly humiliated the ruler of hell. Dream, can you even see out of that thing?” Nodding his head, Dream answered “I can Matthew. I can see the ruby…..something’s wrong. Someone has altered it.” Matthew flying to perch on top of y/n's shoulder she spoke “let’s go get your ruby love.” Linking their arms, once again sand wrapped its way around them like a tornado leading their way to the ruby.
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spade-riddles · 2 years ago
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I want to have a little rant about Mastermind and other things. Oh god. I know Mastermind in its essence is a romantic song yet the second verse just hits me as a confession to her partner that when they first met, she didn’t guess Taylor could be into her cause she knows from her public image that she is into men.
“All the wisest women had to do it this way” like all the wisest women in the public eye had to beard and maintain that image to keep their career. “If you fail to plan you plan to fail” self explanatory. “Strategy sets the scene for the tale” is the most mind blowing lyric for me cause like, her scheming and strategizing sets the scene for those hoax fake love stories. The fairytale that every girl wants.
I love how now Taylor does this thing where she writes romantic lyrics that have a double meaning, so if you flip them they have a whole different story.
Also I was just thinking about the original lyrics of Cardigan where Taylor says “I knew you’d linger like a stolen kiss” and how it means that this person’s presence would still be around long after they are gone exactly like the presence of a forbidden act like a “stolen kiss”.
The word stolen somehow has a very strong effect on me. Stealing is a forbidden act, something you shouldn’t do, so to ever compare any romantic act to being stolen is just outright jarring. And also a stolen thing needs to be hidden and protected by all means, cause if people find what you’ve stolen they would 100% wanna take it from you.
So the fact that Taylor has this very consistent and recurring image of being pressured or forced to go with what everybody else wants or either hide. “meet me behind the mall” and “i’d ive and die for moments that we stole” “begged and borrowed time” “linger like a stolen kiss” “tell me to run” “this love is different but it’s real” “they try to tell me how to feel”.
The we move on to the absolute dread of falling in love in Labyrinth. Cause of how much you need to plan and orchestrate a relationship for the public in order to have one behind closed doors.
And in Sweet Nothing, the desperation to cling on to every normal little thing in a relationship because hiding and having a public persona makes it almost feel “unreal” or a product of your imagination. Plus “they said the end is coming” feels not just about the absolute madness of 2016 but also how people weighed in on Karlie’s presence in her life.
Just the recurring theme of stealing, running, hiding, scheming.. I don’t see how this could be applied to her relationship with Toe as it’s a the most celebrated kind of relationship. The beautiful famous superstar who finds her Prince Charming who also happens to be a public figure of some sort? How can anyone appose?
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in-tua-deep · 4 years ago
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I would like to see Hargreaves family time please :3
HMMMM have a bonding scene ;3c
it is unedited though bc i never got around to it lmao
...
The thing they don’t tell you about recovering after escaping from terrible experiences, is that there are some things that you miss about them. You can be glad that you escaped while still mourning what you left behind, even if as far as you are concerned there shouldn’t be anything to mourn in the first place.
Five hated the apocalypse with something heavy and terrible that settled deep in his gut and that tended to be vomited out at the most inopportune times. Or perhaps it wasn’t hate at all, but fear that he experienced. Not that he would ever admit it, mind you.
But there were just some things that just - well. Five had spent over forty years in the apocalypse, sifting through rubble and ruin and scratching out equations on walls that were too broken to offer even the memory of the comfort and safety they’d once upheld. He’d spent forty years clinging to life by his fingernails and re-reading a book that was the only thing he had of his siblings outside of the grave sites he refused to visit,
He didn’t want to go back there. His entire life’s work was getting out of that hellscape and making it so that it never existed in the first place. Five hated and feared the apocalypse, but oh there were some days that he missed it with such a terrible fierceness it rather took his breath away.
He missed it on the days when nothing seemed to go right, when every word that came out of his mouth was wrong. When people looked at him with tightness around their eyes and pinched lips, and his siblings looked at him with pity in their eyes. Poor little Number Five, who couldn’t even accomplish the simplest of social interactions without inevitably fucking it up. Poor little Number Five, who forgot that people weren’t supposed to write on walls or hoard food in their rooms or freak out when someone burned food in a kitchen. 
Adapting to a normal life was a challenge that Five hadn’t ever thought about - because what about his life had ever been normal? He was a child soldier, and then an apocalypse survivor, and then a temporal assassin and then - he wasn’t quite certain what he was now. Was he a child, or an adult? What was he supposed to do with himself now?
He missed that sense of purpose in the apocalypse. He missed Dolores. His one companion for so many years. He’d actually known her for longer than he’d known his own family, and wasn’t that an odd thought?
He missed the spot he’d holed up in before an earthquake had ruined it almost ten years before the Commission had found him. It wasn’t much, but he’d found a handful of records that had miraculously survived and an old record player that had even more miraculously done so. 
He’d admitted to Dolores that he didn’t really know how to dance, not beyond the general flailing and swaying his siblings had used to drag him into when Luther played something from his budding collection.
(Five hadn’t had the heart to go rooting through the remains of the Umbrella Academy for things that could be salvaged, but he wondered about it often. He wondered if he’d find a whole entire collection of records, of if Luther would have lost interest and gotten rid of them all. He wondered if Allison still read through all the trashy magazines she could get her hands on as an adult, if she still tried to balance books on her head and walk regally through the house just because she’d read it once in a princess book or if she’d grown out of that. 
He was back now, and perfectly capable of asking, but he didn’t. He looked at his siblings and saw strangers and missed his childhood even with the shadow of Reginald looming over them all. He loved his siblings as they were now, but oh he ached with the knowledge that the siblings he had known, the ones he had tried so hard to get back to, were lost to time. As good as dead. But then again, perhaps so was he.
He wasn’t the child who left on that fateful November day. He would never be him again.)
He missed Dolores teaching him to dance under the pale moon. Or well, not perhaps dancing so much as gently swaying together with his arms around her, cheek pressed against hers, as he closed his eyes and pretended for a moment that he hadn’t met her in the apocalypse at all. That they’d just bumped into one another in the street and gone on dates where he made her laugh and where he stressed about what to wear - a million inconsequential moments that meant nothing and everything at the same time. He’d wished they’d had a life together instead of the slow drawn out death that was the only thing that existed in the apocalypse.
And perhaps, there were other things he didn’t know he would miss until they were already gone and out of reach. Things he didn’t even think about, until he looked up at night and wondered where all the stars had gone.
It was a silly thing to get upset over, to go tearing through the house like a man possessed to figure out what had happened to the stars.
(Or perhaps it wasn’t so silly after all - the almost-apocalypse he had witnessed destroyed the moon. Was it such a reach to wonder about the stars, as well?)
Light pollution was the simple answer. It wasn’t that the stars were no longer there, just that they were drowned out. Only a few pinpricks bright enough to shine through and be picked up by the human eye. There had been no human lights in the apocalypse, with no one to turn them on or off except one lonely man who had a flashlight with scavenged batteries. Not nearly enough to make any difference.
The stars had been so beautiful. On the clear crisp nights, he’d lay next to Dolores on the ground staring up at the brilliant specks of light and tried his darnest to remember the constellations that once upon a time Luther had enthusiastically outlined for his unattentive brother at the height of his space phase.
(“When we get back,” He’d whispered to Dolores ever so softly, in the way he whispered every wish that only seemed appropriate to utter out loud under the night sky, “I’m going to get Luther to tell me them again, and I’ll actually listen this time. I won’t tell him to shut up, or that stars aren’t important. I’ll listen.”
He’d never been very good at listening, even as a child. But outside of a seven day deadline - the apocalypse had taught him patience. It was something the Commission found to be a boon as well - there was nothing more deadly than a very patient predator on the hunt, after all.)
Klaus had told him that the apocalypse was an addiction, and Five had done his best to quit cold turkey. 
He’d returned Dolores to her store, mourning what could never be between them. In darker moments, he wondered if she would have ever actually chosen him - in that imaginary world where they met on a crowded street by happenstance. They’d been forced together at the end of the world, and even though he loved her he wondered about things like choice and happiness and shared trauma. Them breaking up was the right thing to do, he knew that, he just hadn’t realized quite how much it would hurt.
So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Five sought comfort where he could. That he stole a record from Luther’s collection (it had gotten bigger, a passion pursued into adulthood which was one question answered) that he must have played dozens of times on that record player in their little sanctuary at the end of the world. That he slept on the floor instead of the bed that was far too soft in so many ways.
That he crept up to the roof and lay on his back and stared at the stars that were visible, remembering a sky filled with diamonds and a cool hand in his own and whispered hopes and dreams and secrets from one terribly lonely boy to the uncaring infinity of the cosmos.
And maybe it shouldn’t come as a surprise that it wasn’t long until he was discovered up there, gazing at the sky with such careful mourning carved across his face.
(He hated and feared the apocalypse, but he mourned it as well. It had raised him, in the harsh and terrible way that was all the apocalypse knew how to do. He’d been raised by Reginald Hargreeves and forged in bruises and thoughtless brutality, and then delivered into the arms of something else that didn’t care for him either. 
He grew into a boy with careless cruelty and harsh criticisms and a love for his siblings that burned hotter and longer than any fire the apocalypse could produce. He grew into a man, or perhaps just something man-shaped, in starvation and desperation and terrible all-consuming loneliness.
Reginald had been fond of telling them, “You will learn through suffering.” It was something trotted out whenever the children were forced to skip meals or run up and down stairs until their insides twisted and they retched on the floor barely held up by burning thighs and weak knees. It was being tossed behind locked doors until they promised their unrelenting obedience to a man who had done nothing to deserve it.
If suffering was a teacher, then surely Five was one of the wisest people alive.)
“What are you doing up here?” Luther asks, too loud in the stillness of the night. Five doesn’t begrudge him it though, it wasn’t every day one was confronted by their teenage shaped brother laying listlessly on the roof at hours when everybody should be tucked away in bed.
“What are you doing up here?” Five parrots back, melancholy mood sharpening the edge of his words into something more pointed than he perhaps meant them to be.
Luther shuffles, looking awkward in his own skin as he so often does. It’s enough to make Five soften, just ever so slightly. After all, Luther isn’t exactly the only member of the house who feels alien in their own body. 
Perhaps it’s cruel to take comfort in his brother’s discomfort. But perhaps Five is cruel. It isn’t the worst thing he’s been called in his life.
(No one speaks about the dinner where Five and Diego had been sniping at one another and pushing each other’s buttons where Diego had brought up Five abandoning the family. That had been his exact word - abandoning. Five had frozen and Diego had pressed on, snarling about Five not getting an opinion about Reginald because he’d ditched so early and left the rest of them to Dad’s tender mercies. He’d said far more, but the rest of that dinner was a blur of sound and colors for Five.
Diego had apologized over the incident and then proceeded to not look Five in the eye for the next week. The whole family were so good at picking at one another’s weak spots and hitting them hard and fast. It was practically second nature. They knew which points to leave alone when it came down to it for each other, but not for Five. Not yet.
They didn’t know him anymore. It was a work in progress navigating their respective minefields of trauma in the meantime.)
“I asked you first.” Luther says, childish statement bringing Five out of his own thoughts. At the end of the day, they are brothers.
And perhaps it is that brotherly spirit that prompts Five’s lips to quirk as he offers the equally childish response of: “I asked you second.”
Luther scowls, but he’s fully aware of exactly how stubborn Five could be. That’s Five, built out of spite and pettiness, who never knew how to just lay down and give up. But if he’d been any less himself, they would never be there that night on the roof irritating one another. The thought fills Five up with something that could almost be called fondness.
Luther crosses his arms, and looks away. “I like looking at the stars.” He admits haltingly, and it makes Five sit up from where he was still sprawled on the ground. “I just - on the moon - I don’t know. It’s stupid.”
“It’s not stupid.” Five cuts in with a fierceness that surprises them both. Five doesn’t look at Luther, just the sky. “There’s not as many stars, here. Not that you can see. It’s supposed to look different, but what’s left is still comforting because the sky is a constant. Because the stars don’t really change, even when the rest of the world does.”
“Yeah.” Luther sounds surprised at Five’s insight. There’s a moment of hesitation before Luther is gently lowering himself down to sit on the roof a few feet away from where Five is. When Five dares to sneak a glance, Luther’s eyes are trained on the sky with an almost wistful look on his face.
“I know I’m not supposed to miss it,” Luther begins, and the thought sounds so much like what Five was just pondering that he can’t help but startle. Thankfully, Luther doesn’t see. “But - it was always my dream, you know? To go up there, into space. I know it was just a rejection now, that Dad didn’t want me around so he wouldn’t have to face his failure.” Luther’s face twisted as he spat out the last word. He’d taken it hard, learning that he was just as insignificant in the grand scheme of their father’s plans as the rest of them.
“But.” Luther continues, his face smoothing out, “It was still four years of my life. I had a routine. It was lonely, but god Five. The weightless feeling? The stars? The sunrises? There’s nothing quite like it.”
There’s a silence between them for a moment that Five decides to break. Because he’s trying, he really is.
“Sometimes,” Five says, so softly that Luther actually shifts closer to hear him, “Sometimes the apocalypse was beautiful. A decade or so in, when the plants just tentatively started realizing it was safe to grow again, and the weeds came back first. Just spots of green and bright yellow dotted through the cracks and crevices.”
(Five had spent many springs of his life wandering through the rubble, leaning down to pick dandelions to admire before he ate them. Even when he was terribly hungry, he’d never eaten all of them - always leaving some to mature and bring more the next year. Picking them up and blowing softly and remembering the first time he’d seen one - on a mission where Ben had quietly and excitedly informed them that they had to blow on it and make a wish. That he’d read about it in a book.
Five had made the same wish for forty some years. He wasn’t sure what he’d wish for now, now that it had come true.)
“And when the skies were clear, at night - the stars were beautiful.” Five admitted, Luther made a sound but Five ignored it to carry on because if he didn’t speak his mind now he might never. “There were so many Lu, way more than we ever saw out our bedroom windows. And on nights where the moon was just a sliver, there were even more. We’d lay out there for hours.”
Luther coughs. Five looks over and isn’t quite sure why there’s a guilty look on his brother’s face. “’We’ would uh, be you and uh, Dolores, right?” 
Ah, that would explain it. Luther always got that look when Five brought up Dolores, no doubt thinking about when he’d held her out of a window as leverage to prevent Five from killing someone. Luther hadn’t known then, Five thinks, about exactly how much Dolores meant to him. He’d known she was important, but hadn’t known why. He hadn’t asked.
There’s nothing Five can do but nod though, in response to the question. “Yeah. She likes the stars, she’s always loved things that glitter.” It was why she loved sequins so much, and Five was secure enough to admit that he liked them as well. 
There’s an awkward silence between them now, one that Five can’t help but try and break. “I tried to remember the constellations.” He blurts out, grasping at the connection the two of them had shared before it slips between his fingers and results in them quietly going to their rooms and forgetting this conversation ever happened.
He can’t look at Luther, not as he admits this. So he doesn’t, he turns his gaze upwards to the pinpricks of light. “Do you remember, when we were eight and Mom gave you that book of constellations? And you wouldn’t shut up about it for like, a whole month? You kept waking all of us up and dragging us to the roof and you said we had to listen to you because you were Number One?”
Luther surprises Five just a little by laughing, “Yeah! Yeah I do remember that. Diego threatened to throw me off the roof if I ever woke him up in the middle of the night again after the fourth time and I’m pretty sure Klaus learned morse code to complain about me to Ben.”
Five grins, “Nah, don’t flatter yourself. He learned morse code with Ben to gossip at dinner. Your little nighttime shows were just something else he could yell about in front of Dad without anyone the wiser.”
“Of course he did.” Luther just sounds exasperated at their most colorful sibling’s antics, which is a big improvement on how he would have felt about it when they were actually eight. “To be honest, I didn’t think any of you actually listened to what I was saying at the time. I’m surprised you remembered.”
Five shuffles, not exactly wanting to admit he doesn’t remember most of the content but not quite willing to lie to his brother either. “I only remembered bits and pieces. Some names, other shapes. Those three stars that make up that one dude’s belt or something.”
“You didn’t just find some astronomy book?” Luther asks, looking puzzled. He doesn’t look offended at least, that Five didn’t pay that much attention during those lectures so many years ago. To be fair, he’s had plenty of time to come to terms with the idea.
“It felt disloyal.” Five admits after a heartbeat, only half grudgingly. He isn’t exactly the king of heart to hearts, but there is something about Luther that seems to encourage them in him. Even during the stress of the days preceding the apocalypse weighing on him, it had been Luther who Five had told about finding their bodies and who Five had told not to waste his life.
Maybe it was the certain level of kinship between them, both of them trapped in bodies that they did not choose and did not want. Both of them left alone for years on end, having to relearn how to interact with the general populace. Luther was loyal where Five was rebellious, but they had enough common ground between them to be significant.
“Disloyal?” Luther’s tone isn’t quite questionioning, just offering a way for Five to continue his thought where he’d trailed off. 
Five’s stomach squirms at the blatant emotion, but it would have to try a lot harder than that to stop him after he’d gotten used to the hollow aching pain of starvation. “I didn’t want to learn the constellations from a book.” He says, and it’s easier to admit to hopes and wishes in the dark with the stars above him. It’s familiar. It’s not Dolores next to him, but Luther isn’t half bad company when he’s by himself. “I wanted to learn them from you, except you weren’t around to ask anymore.”
Now that he’s out of that hellscape, he can half admit to himself that not allowing himself to pick up an astronomy book might have been him giving himself even more incentive to go back and fix things. Not that he needed it but - half of it might have also been a sort of punishment for abandoning his family to whatever fate left them buried in rubble and dead at the end of the world as well. Never let it be said that any of Five’s coping mechanisms were actually healthy.
There’s a silence where Luther mulls that over, before he opens his mouth with a soft expression, “I’m around now.”
It’s an offer and a question rolled into one. It’s not Luther immediately launching into a lecture assuming that’s what Five wants or needs at the moment, it’s him asking, which is an improvement all in itself. If Five was too raw tonight, he would accept that without a question and they could look at the sky in silence together until the dawn came.
The ball is in Five’s court.
“What - what’s the name of the dude with the belt?” Five asks, hesitant and careful and feeling as brittle as the porcelain vases that Reginald decorated the halls with.
Luther’s answering smile is bright and tender enough to hurt.
“His name’s Orion...” Luther explains, and Five closes his eyes and lets Luther’s voice wash over him. When he opens them, it seems like the stars twinkle just a tiny bit brighter than before.
Or that might just be his imagination.
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sapphirelass · 4 years ago
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Deal? - Remus LupinxDaughter!Reader
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Hi! :)
Deal? (Part 1) | Oh, darling... (Part 2) | I’ll be by your side (Part 3) 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please note:
1: I don’t own any of the gifs used, nor any already established characters, so credit to the authors and original creators - You have done a phenomenal job :)
2: English is not my native language, as I was born and raised in Sweden. I have, however, studied English for almost a decade, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem, I just thought I’d let you know ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You probably already knew this, but still XD
(Y/N) - Your name
(Y/N/N) - Your nickname
(Y/H/L) - Your hair length
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I swear, my next story won’t be about Umbridge XD
Word count: ≈ 2300
Warnings: Umbridge, angst, slight swearing
Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I do not wish to criticise the ways of the school, however you have been exposed to some rather irresponsible wizards in this class, very irresponsible indeed - not to mention” the toadlike professor threw a dark glance at a sandy haired student and smirked evilly, “extremely dangerous half breeds”.
The student in question raised her hand angrily, and glared at Professor Umbridge. “Yes?” the teacher smiled sweetly, “miss… Lupin, am I correct?”
“Yes, (Y/N)!” she began, “but that’s besides the point. Look, I know what you’re doing, but Professor Lupin was the best DADA teacher we’ve ever had, and I’d be more than happy to bet everything I own on that being quite a common opinion in this classroom!”
Most of her fellow classmates nodded furiously, and the young girl turned her head towards her professor, who immediately cleared her throat and declared: “Well, I’m afraid simply being a beloved teacher doesn’t really matter, dear.  Werewolves are still extremely dangerous creatures. They are beasts that are undeserving of respect and that should not be allowed to be part of our fine wizard community. They are uncontrollable, and highly likely to injure or possibly kill young witches and wizards, including their own children.”
She flashed a cruel, yet pleased, smirk as (Y/N) furiously stood up, despite Hermione desperately trying to force her down.
“You have NO IDEA what you’re talking about!?” she whispered angrily, her nails digging into her palms as her fists clenched. “You have probably never even met one of these so called ‘half breeds’, have you? No, you were most likely just told some bizarre stories containing more lies and made up facts than truths, and decided to put that worthless ‘knowledge’ - if you can even call it that - to use by spreading rumors and destroying the lives of innocent people.”
Umbridge looked frantic, and was about to speak up, but (Y/N) got there first. “I despise people who look down on others. People who claim to be better than everyone else. People like you. You certainly don’t deserve respect!”
She took a deep breath, and was about to continue when Umbridge’s shrill voice forced her to stay quiet. “That’s quite enough! Detention, miss Lupin. The rest of the week, five fifteen, don’t be late”.
***
A few hours later, (Y/N) made her way back to Umbridge’s office. She knew her friends had wanted to talk to her, but she had done her absolute best to avoid them all afternoon. She simply didn’t feel like explaining to them why she had done what she did. She’d gladly do it again though. Her father was the kindest, wisest, most incredible person she had ever met. He had done everything in his power to give her a good childhood, and no one had the right to insult him. She’d defend him to her last breath if that’s what it would come down to.
She knocked on the door carefully, and pushed it open when she heard a shrill, terrifying voice sing a sweet “come in”.
“Oh, miss Lupin, almost late I see!” she said arrogantly. (Y/N) didn’t have time to answer before her teacher continued. “Sit down.”
***
The detentions went on for another four days before Umbridge told her she didn’t have to come back the following evening, but that she better hold her tongue unless she longed for more. (Y/N) tried to keep that in mind, but still lost her cool a few more times before the end of the semester. However, the Christmas holidays were approaching, and though her red, swollen hand caused her to worry slightly, the idea of seeing her dad and godfather caused her enough joy to tip her mood over to “mainly happy”.
She stepped off the train with her friends, and immediately spotted her father on the platform.
“Dad!!” she shouted, and threw her scratched arms around his constantly scarred torso. “Merlin, I’ve missed you so much”. She buried her head in his shoulder, simply enjoying the feeling of love and safety that he somehow instantly gave off.
“Hello, darling!” he said gently, returning the bone-crushing hug. “I missed you too, believe me…”
(Y/N) wanted to stay like that forever, but eventually let go as she intended to at least try to keep her… problems… hidden. She had never really been able to keep secrets from her dad, and therefore didn’t want to do anything he would consider “out of the ordinary”. If she did, he’d figure it out, or persuade her to tell him everything within minutes, and she knew he’d feel guilty if he realized what she had done for him. She understood perfectly well that the scars on her hand were deep enough to be visible for the rest of her life, and that nothing she would say could convince Remus Lupin that it was not his fault. She was left with one option: He could not, under any circumstances, know. Ever.
They carried her trunk together, and walked a few feet behind the rest of the gang.
“So?”, her father inquired, “How are things? You all doing okay?”
“I suppose”, she answered, “Our new DADA teacher is quite a daft prick though.”
“(Y/N/N)!”, he muttered sternly, casually trying to hide a smile, “Are you sure that’s the right word? Sounds rather rough, doesn’t it?”
The witch shrugged. “No, I think it fits rather nicely. It’s almost as if she’s trying her very best to prevent us from learning anything helpful…”
“That’s… well, that doesn’t sound very promising, does it?”
“No, hence the slightly offensive description… But enough about her, how are you? Had any company while I was gone?”
The older wizard smiled, easily noticing the tone of his daughter’s voice switch into a far more joyful, energetic one - One he knew and loved!
“Oh yes, I’ve spent quite a bit of time at headquarters, and Sirius essentially isn’t allowed anywhere else, so we’ve done a lot of catching up. There is, believe it or not, a lot to talk about after 12 years without seeing each other, so it’s been very nice.” He turned to her, smiled even broader and added a quick “But I’ve still missed you.”, before quickening his pace to catch up with the others.
***
Later that night, (Y/N), Remus, Harry and Sirius were sat in the living room of number 12 Grimmauld Place. Harry and Sirius were playing catch with an old snitch they had found in the house, lazily throwing it back and forth. (Y/N) lay on a sofa, a thick leather bound book tightly clutched in her hands and her head resting on her fathers lap. He was deeply invested in A Guide to Medieval Sorcery, and father and daughter were simply enjoying a nice, calm evening.
All of a sudden, Sirius grabbed the snitch, sat up straight and reached out towards his godson.
“Harry, what’s that on your hand?”
The dark haired boy pulled the sleeves of his jumper further down and mumbled a quiet “nothing”.
“Sure, let me see then”
“No, it’s fine, don’t worry abo…”
Harry didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, as Sirius had risen from his seat and forcefully grabbed his left hand. The slightly faded “I must not tell lies” was still readable, and Harry winced as the look on his godfather’s face went from composed to furious in a matter of seconds.
“Who?”
“Sirius, I…”
“WHO?!”
By this time, both Remus and (Y/N) had put their books down, and were carefully observing the “argument”.
“It’s our new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, Umbridge. She’s quite generous when it comes to giving detentions. But mine’s really not that bad now. It barely hurts anymore…”
“That’s totally barbaric!? Moony, we have to…”
“Harry”, Remus interrupted his old friend with a worried look on his face, “What do you mean by ‘quite generous’?”
His heart practically skipped a beat when he felt his daughter shift uncomfortably, however it was Harry who answered.
“‘m quite sure half the Gryffindors have been to her office at least once by now. Even when you’re not really doing anything wrong, she’ll make up a ‘reasonable’ excuse…”
As Harry spoke, (Y/N) had unconsciously been pulling the sleeves of her jumper closer to her fingertips. Remus obviously noticed and made eye contact with Harry, nodding discreetly towards his daughter as if to ask if she too had… well… yeah? Harry closed his eyes, knowing full well how his friend wanted to hide her scars from her dad. It had taken hours of convincing before she had even let him, Ron and Hermione see, and he understood why she didn’t want Lupin to know. He did, however, not like the idea of lying to his former professor, and nodded slightly.
Remus closed his eyes looking simultaneously sad and angered, sat up straight and muttered “(Y/N/N)?”
The young witch took a deep breath and was about to move away from her dad, but he was faster and quickly grabbed her hand. He was very gentle, but she flinched anyways, as her last detention had taken place only a week prior.
“(Y/N/N)”, he repeated, “show me”
“Dad”, she mumbled quietly, “‘tis fine, don’t worry”
“(Y/N)!” His voice sounded far sterner now, “I’m serious. C’mere”
“No, I don’t want…”
“It’s not a question of whether or not you want to, Love”, Sirius explained before his friend could think of a response. “Show your dad.”
“But…”
“(Y/N/N)”, Harry mumbled, “Just… just do it”
“No! I can handle it! Stop making it sound like I’m too weak to do so!”
She felt a tear escape her eye, and stood up to leave the room when Remus waved his wand and locked the door.
Taking yet another deep breath, his daughter turned around, made her way across the room, pulled her left sleeve up and slammed her scarred hand down on the table for the other three to see.
“There! You happy now?!”
A flood of tears were streaming down her face, as her dad, godfather and best friend leant closer and read seven deep-red, awful, heart wrenching words:
***
I must not defend filthy half breeds
***
Remus put his head in his hands and stood up, while Sirius moved closer to his goddaughter and pulled her into a tight hug. Harry joined the embrace and comfortingly rubbed her back.
“why? Why (Y/N/N)?”, her father whispered quietly, his voice barely audible.
“I… I couldn’t…She… sorry…”
The usually calm, collected girl was completely lost for words. Shaking. She had no clue what to say, all she knew was that she had to let her dad know that she was sorry. Sorry for making him feel guilty. Sorry for causing him so much pain. Sorry for not being strong enough.
She walked over to him and noticed heavy, wet tears on his face too. Carefully she wrapped her arms around him, and together they sank down onto the cold floor. They sat there for what felt like hours before Remus finally spoke up, repeating his previous question.
“Why, darling?”
She met his sad gaze and collected her thoughts before quietly whispering “She keeps saying horrible things - pure lies - and she’s enjoying it. She’s throwing insults my way every chance she gets. If I don’t stand up and fight, everyone will think she’s right, and she’s not. Nothing will ever change unless someone works for it, and as soon as that someone backs down, they’ve lost. I’m not having that.”
He looks back at her, his eyes full of pride. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”
“You mean besides being the most phenomenal dad imaginable?”
He chuckled softly, ruffled her (Y/H/L) hair and held his hand out. (Y/N) slowly placed her hand on her father’s and shifted her gaze towards the floor as he examined the neatly written letters. With a worried expression on his face, he grabbed his wand and moved it back and forth over the scars while quietly muttering a few carefully chosen words. The pain immediately became more endurable, and after putting his wand away the older wizard grabbed his daughter’s shoulders gently, and looked at her in a sad, yet determined way.
“(Y/N/N), as honourable as your intentions are, please don’t do this for me. I’m not going to tell you to back down, but if you’re going to keep it up, don’t let it…” He paused, trying to find the right words. “I can’t stand the thought of you getting injured because of me. I’m not wo…”
“Yes, you are! Stop saying that! I’ll be a bit more selective, if that’s what you want, but don’t you dare tell me not to fight for you. You are my dad, my only family, and there is not a single person on this planet less deserving of disrespect, insults and hate. Dad, you’re amazing, and I’m not letting her fool people into thinking you’re not.”
After a moment of silence, a quiet, “I still don’t like it…”, escaped his lips.
“I know.” She sighed, “That’s why I originally didn’t plan on telling you.”
(Y/N) was fiddling with her fingers, not quite meeting her fathers warm gaze, when she suddenly sat up and said, “Let’s make a deal? I promise to choose my fights more wisely, and in return, you won’t blame yourself for the consequences of said choices? Sounds fair, doesn’t it?”
Her father sighed, but reluctantly answered, “Fine, as long as you promise me one more thing.”
“Hmm?”
“You won’t hide scars or pain from me ever again, no matter whether it’s physical or mental, okay? You’ll let me know, and let me help, always!”
She held her right hand out, her dad shook it and they shared a smile. This time, a true, pure one that actually reached their identically green eyes.
“Deal!”
~ L
Part 2 Oh, darling...
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GREY HEAVENS (F/F)
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@deans-ch-ch-cherrypie ie was one of the first I met here and I’m so proud of her. This beautiful and always jealous (oh lord, she is super jealous) person reached 500 followers and of course I (tried) had to write a fic. I know Cherrypie, I said this is a Hvitserk x Ariel fic, but I love Ivar too much, I just can’t ignore him, oops sorry. Te amo odiosa!
Pairing: Hvitserk x Ariel x Ivar
Warnings: F/F smut, fingering, oral, voyeurism
Words: 1726
Thank you to my amazing beta reader @quantumlocked310 for making my sentences sound good, helping me with the moodboard and always motivating me! The idea for the name of this fic is btw from my honey @jadelynlace, because I have no patience to think about an appropriate name and her titles are outstanding.
a/n:. This fandom needs more F/F so I took my chance to write one. This is also a call to those who write F/F Vikings fics -> tag me!
Forget everything you know about Ariel, because the only thing my Ariel and the Disney Ariel have in common is the red hair.
Summary: A Mermaid is the last chance Hvitserk has to revive Lagertha.
Tags: @xbellaxcarolinax @pomegranates-and-blood @heavenly1927 @walkxthexmoon @punkrocknpearls @mrsalwayswrite @grimeundglow
If you ever find her then speak cautiously, she is mightier than the sea and gentler than the breeze.
The seer warned Hvitserk; mermaids don't like humans. Also, Aslaug taught him not to talk about mermaids since he was a child. The fear that these beings might hear was too big. They pull men into the bottom of the sea and let their ships sink. Their voices intoxicate the mind and manipulate humans. Their beauty dazzles men and makes it easy to underestimate them. They can hide but are still visible for those who are meant to see them.
He rode days and weeks to the far north of Norway, where the sea is wild and high waves crash against the huge rocks, far away from all the villages. Where there are almost no animals to eat and fish are difficult to catch. He could easily die, but it was the last chance Hvitserk had to revive Lagertha.
~~·······~~
Evening dawned and he gathered wood to prepare the fireplace for the night. A few faint fire sparks flew away in the slight wind when he ground two stones together to start the fire.
"With so little wood you won't survive more than two hours" Someone complained behind him.
Hvitserk hastily picked up his axe and turned around to see who that was. Almost nobody knew why he left Kattegat. Every day he thought about how he killed the most famous shield maiden. The wisest witches and healers tried to bring her back. Daily sacrifices and even Hvitserk himself gave his blood in the attempt to revive her, but none of this was successful.
“Ivar?” He dropped the axe. “What are you doing here? Tell me, who sent you, huh?” He grinned.
“Brother, I am Ivar the Boneless, if this half fish is really more powerful than me then I have to see her.” Ivar didn't want to rely on the rumors.
“I don’t want to be a mermaid’s meal, so be kind Ivar.”
“I doubt we will find her, them, it, whatever” Ivar was quite unimpressed by Hvitserk’s enthusiasm. He was just looking forward to the little trip through Norway’s landscapes.
~~·······~~
They walked an extensive white sand beach in search of mussels whenthey heard stones rolling and humming high voices coming out of a big cave.
The sun shone through a big hole in the cave’s ceiling and illuminated two women laying on one another. They quietly tried to climb over the slippery stones in the entrance of the cavern to get closer.
The pureness of their naked bodies, never touched by a man, sliding against each other. Their bright silver-colored skins, glistening in the sunlight like sea pearls. Their wavy hair hid part of their faces. Rose lips sucking on the skin of the red-haired's neck while their thighs pressed around the other’s, spreading their juices over their intertwined legs. Two bodies soft as silk melting together, grinding their pussies and bringing each other to a shared pleasure.
It was silent, only their heavy breathing echoed in the big cave, making the squelching noises of their wetness hush. Their bodies harmonized and embraced; they took their time to satisfy each other without showing dominance.
She shivered at the feeling of the blue-haired’s teeth raking along the flesh of her throat. She was enticed by the way her tongue swirls and swipes the mounds of her chest, tasting the salty valley between her plump breasts. Addicted to the sight of her hips thrusting against her own, feeling the heat that wracked their entire bodies.
One hand roamed down the shape of her body and groped her ass. The blue-haired lifted her partner’s right leg and placed it over her shoulder, exposing her fully. She licked two fingers on her right hand and trailed them down over the red-haired thigh until she reached her cunt.
The red-haired pressed her beloved closer, having only a moment to breathe out before she delved her wet fingers inside her lover’s dripping walls. She stroked deeper, harder and faster; all the while nibbling the soft skin behind her earlobe. She pulled her fingers out and teased her entrance. Her tongue swirled over her lip, before she thrusted her fingers in one move again into her partner’s throbbing pussy adding one finger to stretch her more.
The red-haired pried her legs open andburied both hands in the other’s blue hair to trail her down, arching her back to catch each kiss she left. She brought her lover’s head between her legs and laid her mouth on her center, replacing her fingers. Her arms wrapped around the red-haired's thighs as her tongue dragged against her warmth, parting her folds to rub against her most sensitive spots. She moaned, savoring the taste of the one beneath her pulsating pussy, not missing a drop of her juices.
When her thumb brushes the smooth skin of her hard nipple, kneading it, the red-haired rewarded it with a melodic moan, a little louder this time. The strands of her red hair fell down from her face as she raised her head, revealing her gorgeous face. Her eyes shut tight and her lips trembled, before they spread in a euphoric moan with every slam of her thighs onto the blue-haired cheeks. She bucked her hips nearly throwing the blue-haired off her lap. Her hands looking for something to grip onto, settling them on blue locks. Seeing the lust-filled gaze of her beautiful girl tensed her body. Her end was near, the one above her flicked her tongue at a fast pace, curling it over clit once, twice until her body exploded in satisfaction, coating her mouth with her juices.
The shameless string of moans woke Hvitserk up from his trance.
“Do you think they are mermaids? Real mermaids?”
Ivar didn’t answer. Hvitserk hit him with his elbow, but h was totally obsessed from their magnet-like aura.
“Hey Ivar” He tried to get his attention again.
“What?!” Ivar finally could avert his gaze from them.
“I asked, if you think that these are mermaids?”
“Of course they are! Did you ever see a woman being so divine?!” It was obvious to him.
They heard a loud noise of something heavy dropping into the water but when they looked back to the place they were laying, both were gone.
“You idiot! See what you did, you should learn to speak more-”
“Mermaid! I can see you!” The mermaid’s colored hair reflected in the water. “Come out here! We don’t want to kill you!” Ivar ignored his brother and crawled over the slippery stones in their direction.
The red-haired rose confident out of the water presenting herself. Waterdrops covered her pale and shimmering skin. She titled her head to one side, focusing the two foreign men with her green eyes, without blinking.
“Vikings” She broke the intriguing silence. The way this word rolled of her tongue was tantalizing.
“We didn’t want to...uhm… “ Hvitserk stuttered ashamed about Ivar’s insolence. “We are looking for someone, a special woman, well she is more than a woman. Her name– “
“Ariel. I knew you would come. You’re here because of Lagertha’s death.” She completed his sentence.
The blue-haired came out from behind the rock and placed herself close to Ariel. Two goddess-like appearances, both the same; tall, hypnotizing them.
“Ariel. Hello Ariel” Ivar smirked, speaking in a seductive tone, scanning her naked body with his glance. “I assume you are the powerful creature Hvitserk needs.” He took a lazy step closer. ”Powerful and beautiful. I have a weakness for woman like you.” He confessed, brushing his lower lip between his teeth.
She approached and her cheek pressing lightly against his. Her damp red hair wet his armor as she leaned forward to whisper in his ear.
“I know who you are Ivar. So let me tell you whoIam.” He closed his eyes to memorize her unique salty smell better. “I am not a woman, I am a mermaid and mermaids don’t need to deal with men. And...don’t you dare to touch me!” Ivar clenched his fist and lowered his hand again.
She leaned back and spoke to the more rational brother. “I can’t help you Hvitserk. I’m sorry you came here in vain.” She wasn’t a talkative creature, especially when she felt used.
“Hey silver skin, where are you going?” Ivar started to treat her rude out of frustration. “We are not done here.” Ivar followed her out of the cave to the beach.
“But the seer told me you can, you can revive people. I didn’t want to kill her, please, it was a mistake.” Hvitserk tried to persuade her from the distance.
“This is my home.” She admired the calm of the ocean. “I can save anyone who gets lost in the heart of the sea, but Lagertha is not there.”
“Hey!” She gasped as Ivar grabbed her arm to hold her back. She immediately closed her eyes and was benumbed.
“No” The blue haired yelled and hissed, pushing Ivar away. He let go of her and Ariel started breathing again. Her eyes opened and even if they hadn’t told her how Lagertha died, she already knew it. She felt what they felt and saw what they saw. There was no secret that remained hidden from her.
“It wasn’t you who killed her, you were deceived Hvitserk. I am unable to overpower a dark might.” Hvitserk bowed his head. “But she’s fine. She is with Ragnar and she forgives you…and you too, Ivar.” Ivar rolled his eyes.
Ariel took her beloved by the hand and both stepped into the little waves. The silver colour of their legs became more luminous and greener the longer they stood in the water.
“Let’s go back to our sisters, my dear. I can hear them calling.” Her long red hair framed the curves from her swaying hips.
“And Ivar- “ She looked over her shoulder “- as long as your heart craves revenge, you will never be able to love.”
The sunlight reflected on her emerald green scales before she disappeared with her dearest in the depth of the sea completely.
Ivar waited a moment longer hoping to see her one last time.
“Ivar, it’s over.” Hvitserk laid his arm on Ivar’s shoulder and pulled him away.
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notmrskennedy · 4 years ago
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Friendliness
A/N - ha so i just wrote this - no editing we die like men. here’s the alternate ending to my other post Likeability (this one is the more predictable one y’all will probably like whoops) if you’ve read the other one, just skip to the end it’s all the same in the middle 
Summary - The Team meets a very unfriendly scientist which Spencer’s taken a fancy to
W/C - 2.9k (whoops)
Warnings - Mild Anatomy/bones/etc discussion, a pinch and change of swearing
----
Luke is holding his stomach in his hands. He could usually pride himself on keeping his cool, keeping his head—and stomach—together during a case. He’d seen enough dead bodies that this shouldn’t have thrown him like he’d just sailed twelve foot waves in a dingy. 
But he is, after all, standing over a mass grave. Watching a too giddy scientist dig up the bodies. 
You’ve captured everyone’s attention, for various reasons. Rossi is vaguely amused by your joyous shouting of bones and your rat moustached assistant. Luke can’t tear his eyes away from the car wreck—are you supposed to swing bones around like baseball bats? Reid seems more interested in your bad jokes and coveralls than he is in solving the case. 
The rat assistant—Stewart Walsh—squeezes between Luke and Reid, scuttling like some kind of diseased turtle. “Doctor Y/L/N!”
You barely stop pouring over the mud covered pelvis in your hands to even acknowledge him. 
“I just thought you should know that Dr. Evanston just got here.”
You look up, toss the bone to him, and snort. “Tell him the soil samples are four miles due east from here.”
“What’s wrong with Evanston?” Luke asks to no one in particular it seems, waving Stewart off to run for a group of approaching nerds in coveralls. 
Ignoring the question or maybe Luke, you just turn back to your search. Elbow deep in mud, being nice must not have been on the to-do list. Reid leans over, hands in his pockets, and whispers, “Evanston stole one of her research papers. I thought he was going to get his teeth kicked in—“
“Skull!” you holler. Luke isn’t stupid enough to miss the glare reserved for the sheepish Dr. Reid.
He clears his throat. “Thoughts so far, doctor?”
“I’m thinking beetles,” is all you say before turning back to your skull. Luke might not know many scientists, but he doesn’t think that most of them look at human skulls like its the Mona Lisa. Like this fat piece of bone held the answers to the universe inside its empty eye sockets. 
“Beetles?” Luke coughs. Rossi just shakes his head. Pretends this isn’t a conversation he’s having. Reid is still studying you like Luke might study infiltration schematics. Stewart runs up, out of breath, very rose coloured. 
You’re eyes are sparkling as you wade over to them with a new radius bone in your hands. Everyone bends like they know what they’re looking at and you point along the edge of the bone. “It’s a subtle difference but these bones have been cleaned before being buried. My guess is carrion beetles. They’re very hard workers. And—“ you switch to pointing at the radial head— “minute scoring and kerf marks. These look pretty old, so I’m assuming we’re getting close to the bottom.”
“So our unsub dismembered his victims,” Rossi begins, “then cleaned the pieces?”
You nod and hand off the bone to a very blushing Stewart. “I won’t know for sure until I’ve had a chance to examine all the bones. There’s nothing definitive yet. What a hobbyist though, right?”
You chuckle to yourself and dive back into fishing out more finger and wrist bones. Luke turns, runs his hands over his face, and hikes a thumb over his shoulder. “Where did we find her?”
Rossi shrugs, “FBI easter egg hunt.” Luke blinks, while Rossi chuckles at his gullibility. “Come on, the doctor’s the best in the field. Good kid, I can tell.” 
“Y/N’s great,” Spencer absently adds on, too busy staring at you. You’re explaining different types of dismemberment to Stewart like you’re discussing the rain. Luke grips onto his stomach just a little tighter. 
“Y/N, huh?” Luke teases, momentarily forgetting the unsettling feeling in his gut about you. “You two, uh, friends or something?”
It’s Reid’s turn to stumble. “Yeah, but it’s—we’re just—we’re just—.” 
Rossi shakes his head, slaps Reid on the shoulder. “Oh yeah, just friends. So, tell me. Do you talk about dismemberment before or after you make out?”
#
JJ wants to beg Emily not to make her go down into the basement. You’re down there. She knows it’s childish to be this avoidant—you are just a person after all. A creepy, psychopathic weirdo that makes JJ’s gut churn. She gets why Spencer’s taken to you—shared love of science and random trivia. She does. But that doesn’t mean JJ enjoys the cold ass morgue, smiling along as you ramble. Most of everyone’s limited contact with you has involved random facts and Stewart’s too intimate knowledge of fracture patterns. 
There had been ten minutes of reassurance from Emily that you were, in fact, not a horrible person. Ended with JJ making the cold and dark trek down to the morgue. She couldn’t imagine working down here all day long. No one to talk to, no one to strategise with, no where to go. Maybe it suited you. No one would have to listen. 
“—don’t know what to do!” echoes across the bottom of the stairwell, the morgue’s doors cracked open. The distress breaks JJ’s heart. Your voice stops her dead in her tracks.  
“They don’t hate you,” Spencer’s voice comes after. Gentler, softer. “They—they just don’t know you yet.”
“They don’t want to, Spence!” and JJ winces with the words. It always hurt more when the truth came out in that tone. “I get it! You know? I work with human remains and don’t bring my people skills with me when I’m on the job, but—that shouldn’t matter!” 
JJ winces again, tries to ignore how those are nothing short of teary sniffles echoing through her ears. She leans back against the wall and has no idea what to do. Spencer had obviously been down here for hours. Knew you well enough to get the teary truth. What could she do now? Interrupt? 
She’d walked into hostage situations less freakin’ stressful than this. 
“You’re right,” Spencer soothes, steadfast and strong, “it doesn’t matter. This isn’t—“
“It’s not your fault,” you sigh. JJ doesn’t want to hear the strangled touch to your voice. Doesn’t want to hear the break. “They’re your friends and I’m just your—“ 
 “Doctor!” Stewart calls and JJ could scream. You’re his what? 
At least, it’s as good as any moment to intrude. 
“What, Stewart?” you snapped, already broken away from Spencer with wet cheeks and stained glasses. You wipe them off haphazardly with the tail end of Spencer’s sweater sleeve—JJ couldn’t help but smile, even if it’s a little strangled. 
Stewart jumps like a wet cat and tosses a bundle of files into your hands. “Beetles.”
One word snatches the tears from your face. Snatches you away from Spencer’s side for one of the dozen skeletons on the tables. There was no reason to think that she’ll get her report from you now. With a rib bone in one hand and contemplation in your features—JJ can’t decide how unnerved she is—you’re a little too concentrated. 
Stewart scuttles around you. A little too attentive. A little too cherry tinted. Yep. No reports to be had from either of you. JJ turned to Spencer instead, hoping that maybe he’d be helpful. Plastered up like a billboard, JJ knows that saccharine smile isn’t going to get her anywhere. 
“Spence?”
He hums, halfheartedly tearing his eyes away. “Yeah?”
“I need the latest report for Emily, but I don’t think—“
“I’ll—just a second, JJ.” Spencer grins, sugary sweet, and slips away. JJ doesn’t miss how he places a hand on your shoulder as he passes. How you barely even notice that quite intimate contact. She also doesn’t miss how Stewart’s face sours at the action, how his eyes narrow enough that Spencer feasibly should’ve noticed. 
Reports in hand a minute later, JJ leans over to Spencer. Elbows him in the arm. “Stewart seems pretty jealous. Any reason for that?”
Spencer shrugs. “Wouldn’t know a thing about it.”
#
Rossi doesn’t have an opinion. Everyone keeps asking—oh Rossi, you’re the wisest of us all, what should we do about poor little Y/N? He doesn’t know, doesn’t care. You are just some scientist who is doing a thousand percent better job than any other forensics ‘expert’ he’s had the pleasure of working with. 
Your lab doesn’t smell. You don’t smell. Is there anything more to ask for? 
But he does get the brute of having to make the trek down to the morgue—god, his knees alone—and receives most of the reports from the not as horrible as everyone thinks Dr. Y/N Y/L/N. Who is joyfully humming while squinting over one of the skeleton’s hands. 
“Hey, doc,” he calls and you look up at him with an adorable sort of grin. “Got anything new?”
“Sure,” you chirp. Hesitate to wave him over. “If you want the details, that is.”
Rossi shakes his head, pulls up a stool to sit next to you and your subject. “I like to have as much knowledge as I can. You never know what will lead you to your un-sub.”
You settle your elbows on the table, straighten a stray finger bone. The team shouldn’t be worried about you being a psychopath. You’re dedicated, careful, attentive. Rossi hopes that if he ever gets turned into human remains, you’re the one looking over him. There’s been more care put into one skeleton than into his three combined marriages. 
“You’re in luck,” you answer, “I’ve got a lot to tell you about our attacker. You’ve got time, right?”
Rossi nods, smiles. “Plenty.”
#
Penelope still hasn’t met you and that kind of pisses her off. You haven’t made it upstairs once? She flies into some dingy Wyoming hovel of a police station for like a week and no one’s thought to bring you upstairs? Rude. 
She’s sitting in JJ’s desk chair, waiting for her and Luke to get back from interviewing a potential lead—some ex-felon who fit your makeshift profile. Reid’s scouring over some boring geographical profile, trying not to get annoyed as she nervously—angrily—rants about the case to him. She knows he’s tuning her out, but her work’s been put on the back burner until someone comes up with something to give her. 
There’s only so much a computer can find and she’s no profiler. 
It’s about five minutes after Reid snapped and left to get a coffee refill, when she picks up a call from the desk. “Hello?”
Creaking metal and shuddering breathing comes first. “Set the scalpel down” comes second.  She swallows, silent, and panicking. What the heck is she supposed to do? Paying attention to those hostage negotiation seminars that she definitely didn’t go to would’ve come in handy right about now. 
Said scalpel clatters onto some metal table, followed by a strong, “You really don’t want to do this. Please put the gun down.”
Oh god, this is happening. 
“You just—“ a male voice snips, bellowing out, “YOU DON’T LOOK AT ME.”
“I do look at you, Stewart,” you plead just as JJ and Luke clamour through the bullpen’s door. Penelope puts the call on speaker, mutes it, and screams for them. 
“I don’t know what to do,” Penelope sobs professionally, “someone’s got a gun.”
JJ runs for Emily’s office while Reid returns heedlessly. Luke puts a soft hand on Penelope’s cold one and squeezes. Newbie or not, it’s appreciated as the man’s voice returns. “I’ve tried for so long to get you to—to just—just look at me! I’ve done so much!”
“I know, Stewart,” you ease and Reid tenses. Nearly drops his coffee. “It’s not your fault. You’ve worked so hard.”
“Yeah,” Stewart sobs; Penelope can only imagine how crazy this kid must be. 
“Did you leave all those bodies for me, Stewart?” you question and everyone holds their breath. Luke squeezes harder on her hand. Reid’s twitching like a rabbit’s nose, a death grip on his mug, frozen as a Michigan pond. 
Stewart sniffles. Probably nods. Penelope doesn’t know whether to run or sit or cry. She decides it’s probably cry, but instead her fingers start moving to record the call, trace the office origin. 
“It was a great puzzle, Stewart, it was really genius. It was a fun case to follow, you know that.” You swallow hard, metal tinkles through the speaker. Please, Penelope begs, don’t let them kill each other. I haven’t met the doctor yet!
“Why did you kill these girls, Stewart?” your voice is so gentle and lulling Penelope almost forgets that she’s listening to you try to save your own life. 
 “I wanted you to look,” he says, sniffles. “I wanted you. I want you, Y/N. I want you to love me.”
It’s either her computer beeping or someone falling through a table or a gunshot. She doesn’t know. She’s crying too hard to care. 
#
Tara doesn’t know when she started to run—probably just after JJ, Luke, and Reid barrelled passed her by the bathroom shouting about the situation—but she’s almost to the morgue doors, right on Reid’s heels. Lord almighty, she feels so stupid. She’d had enough little one on one chats with Stewart to know he was some sort of psycho in disguise. To know that something was wrong with that kid. No one could last more than three minutes with your grad student assistant without wanting to take an eyeball out—his or theirs it didn’t matter. She’d let herself believe you when you told her that all forensic anthropologists seem like that. That there was nothing to worry about. 
Nothing to worry about her ass. 
Luke’s the first to storm the morgue, expecting what Tara is: you, dead, on the floor with Stewart on the brink of killing himself. But they stop and they stare and Reid beams on with the absurd look on your face. 
You’re shaking with rage, pointing a gun at a very unconscious, crumpled, bleeding Stewart Walsh. Your teeth are bared in what Tara would consider out of a comic book—ludicrous and of someone who’s completely lost their mind. JJ makes the mistake of asking if you’re alright.
“Alright?” you chirp, feral and ravenous. JJ and Luke shrink back as you shout, “I lived in Honduras for three years! This isn’t even the worst thing that’s happened to me. It’s my third fucking kidnapping!”
“T-third?” Luke croaks. 
“Third!” you shout again and recklessly set your gun on the table. Spencer grins, which sets you off further. “I’ve been nice. I’ve been accommodating. But this is my fourth psychotic grad student! I fucking swear—!”
Stewart groans—thank god he’s alive—and Spencer, thankfully, rushes forward to catch you before you can take anything else out on the kid. Tara’s heard rumours about mysterious other instances of your being under arrest. Illegal transportation of goods was one thing, police brutality was another. The scalpel sticking out of his knee is bad enough. 
She helps Luke haul Stewart to his feet, reeking of desperation and a much needed psych eval. JJ follows close behind, closes the morgue doors behind them. But not before they hear your muffled sobs and Spencer’s smiling. 
“You got him, Y/N.”
“No, Spence,” you correct, and Tara can’t help but be proud, “I kicked the snot out of him.”
#
Emily is barely awake when she sees it. JJ’s soft breathing next to her is lulling by itself, let alone if you add in Rossi’s rhythmic snoring and Luke’s idle whispers of sleep talk. Emily could do with some sleep and maybe a few days off. They could all use a few days off, especially after coming to terms with the fact a grad student had killed 12 women just to get a little action. 
From a scientist who freely admitted to enjoying the company of bones over real people. 
Alive people. 
No wonder Stewart had done what he’d done. 
Emily turns in her spot, lays back against the wall of the airplane and the seat. After nearly five decades—she’s never thinking about that again—of plane rides, she can comfortably say she can sleep anywhere. With any amount of noise, or cold, or pain. 
But her eyes are accidentally open when she peaks around the seat cushion. Spies the Wild Dr. Reid in his natural habitat, reading some ridiculously long book and…carding his fingers through your hair? He’s got a lock curled up around his finger, gently twisting it as he reads. You’re sleeping—knocked the fuck out—in his lap, gripping loosely onto his leg. 
You deserve the sleep, Emily decides with a smile. You’d worked the hardest on the case, up for nearly four days with as little rest as you can manage. How Stewart managed to stay awake enough to attack you is beyond Emily. She’s missed out on a few hours just today and she’s losing the battle with her eyelids. 
No one ever asked her opinion of you. Probably didn’t have to. You were not the easiest to like, but you’d captured her respect and a bit of her heart when you’d said at the beginning of the case: “I’m an excavator by trade—I’m at archeological digs most of the time—so it’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that these ladies are murder victims. I don’t think I’ll sleep until I’ve got names for them. And maybe the murderer on my table.”
Emily understood the unease, the apprehension. Why everyone was relieved when you’d turned down the plane ride she’d offered you. How they all bit back groans when Emily had insisted. But they’ll have to get used to it, Emily thinks and she settles again. Because they’ll see you again. No doubt about it. The way you’re wrapped up around Spencer, how you hold tighter when the jet bounces a touch, says just that much anyway. 
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thedeliverygod · 3 years ago
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Stay
My 2nd @noragamibigbang fic inspired by @slavhew's art which is right here for your viewing pleasure.
AO3|ff.net
“Yato? Yato!” Yukine watched in horror as the god crumpled to his knees, then caught himself with his hands to keep himself upright.
As Yukine ran over to him, Kazuma asked quietly, “Is it because… we defeated his father?” Bishamon gave an audible gasp from his side.
The smaller boy vehemently shook his head in response, “But Hiyori--!”
“I think Hiyori is exactly the reason this is happening.” Nora answered from another few feet away, kneeling by Hiyori’s side, “Her cord was damaged by Father’s ayakashi a while back. She’s pushed herself far past her limits for multiple days now.”
As Yato continued to wheeze in discomfort, Yukine asked shakily, “So what are you saying?”
“She’s dying.”
The words rang in Yukine’s ears and he pulled his hands into fists against the ground as he yelled out, “No, no! This can’t be happening! I can’t lose you both! Not like this…” The tears started to spill out of his eyes and he reached out to cling to one of Yato’s arms, “I’m so sorry for everything… I was so stupid and selfish. Please, don’t leave me…”
“Kazuma, can you take a look at Iki-san?” Bishamon suggested with a gentle shove, “Maybe… there’s something we can do.”
“I don’t think—” Nora started but was quickly interrupted by Kazuma.
“I’ll do my best.”
Yato finally gathered enough strength to speak, answering his shinki, “Yukine, I’m not…” He paused to consider his words, correcting, “I’ll stay with you always, as long as I can.”
The boy nodded tearfully as Yato shifted to sit up on his knees, Yukine still holding on to his shoulder.
“Kazuma.” Yato called out as loudly as he could, his voice cracking, “How is she?”
He looked to Bishamon for guidance on what to say, the goddess motioning him to move forward with whatever it was. Sighing, Kazuma answered truthfully, “It doesn’t look good.”
“What are we gonna do?” Yukine blinked, tears still streaming down his face as he stared at his god.
Yato chewed on his lip as he thought of an answer, simply stating, “Hiyori’s made it through so much already. I’m sure she’ll find a way.” Watching the boy continue to cry and sniffle, he gave a small smile and added, “It’s okay, kiddo.” As soon as he finished talking, another shudder moved through him and he collapsed to the ground. His eyes moved towards where the others stood, his voice quiet, “Hiyori…”
“No!” Yukine shouted loudly as Yato fell, his words failing to catch up with his thoughts, “No, it’ll be—you’re-- We can still…” He closed his eyes and the tears fell harder.
“Yukine.” Yato reached up to cup his face tenderly, giving another smile, “It’ll be okay.”
After watching the others, Bishamon finally growled in frustration and turned to Nora, “You! Since you always seem to know everything, how do we save Yato?”
“I don’t know.” She answered, not meeting the god’s eyes.
Bishamon huffed, “Not that it matters to you if he dies. You’ve had so many masters, after all.”
“Of course it matters! You don’t know anything!” Nora jumped up and glared daggers into Bishamon.
A quiet voice broke the sharp silence that followed. “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this worked up.” Yato sat up on his side, supporting himself with one arm.
“You’re my brother, obviously I’m upset.” Nora huffed back to him, her body shaking.
“Brother?” Bishamon repeated in confusion, looking at Kazuma.
“Not literally.” He explained, reaching to adjust his glasses, “They were just raised together by the sorcerer, at least from my understanding.”
She nodded, though it was clear she still had many questions.
“Then come over here, Oneesan.” Yato looked at Nora with a soft smile while Yukine stared at her curiously, face still full of tears.
She gave another scoff, but smiled back as she made her way towards him, “Don’t call me that.”
“What would you prefer?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Hiiro.” She answered without skipping a beat, taking a seat on her knees next to Yukine.
The god smiled widely at that, “Ah, I should have known.”
“A-are you sure you don’t know anything to help Yato and Hiyori?” Yukine sniffled as he looked at Hiiro, wiping at his eyes with his coat sleeve, “Just… anything we could try?”
“You are the oldest one here, Hiiro. So, you’re the wisest by default.” Yato teased before he shuddered again, clutching his sides as if he was holding himself together.
Yukine moved back to cling to the god’s shoulder, “Yato!”
“If you weren’t already suffering, I’d make you pay for that.” Hiiro muttered, closing her eyes, “Just… let me think for a moment.” Taking a breath, she opened her eyes again and suggested, “Obviously, I have no way of knowing this would work and it’s just a guess… but maybe if you two talk to her and get her to regain consciousness that would be enough. After all, her soul doesn’t know that you’re safe now. Maybe that’s why she’s struggling.”
Yato and Yukine met each other’s eyes, “It’s worth a shot. Even if… it doesn’t work, I’d want to talk to her anyway while I can.” He looked towards the ground.
“…Same here.” Yukine added in a quiet voice.
Taking a breath, Yato tried to stand before he gave in and asked, “Can you two help me get over there?”
“Yeah.” Yukine moved under his arm to support him and Hiiro wordlessly moved to the other side.
Once they were close to Hiyori, Yato gently slipped himself out of their grasps and kneeled at her side. Taking her hand, he gripped it softly, “Hiyori, we’re here with you. Me and Yukine both.”
“Yeah, we… we made up, okay? So you don’t have to worry anymore.” Yukine added, rubbing at his eyes again before he also reached out to touch her arm, “Let’s all go home together.”
Yato leaned over even farther, his forehead touching hers as he closed his eyes, “Remember what I told you before? You can’t cross over yet… Not until you’re old and gray. You’ve still got so much to do and so many people who love you, Hiyori. All of that is waiting for you.”
“Ya..to?”
His head jerked upward at the sound of a small voice.
Her eyes were barely open but she gave a small smile, repeating, “Yato, Yukine-kun.”
“Hiyori!” Yukine shouted eagerly while Yato continued to look over her in awe.
“I’m so happy to see you.” She greeted weakly, starting to move.
Yato held his free hand over her torso, urging her to stay put, “We’re really happy to see you too, but you’re in pretty bad shape. Don’t move too much, okay?”
She blinked in surprise before answering back in a mutter, “You don’t look too great yourself… You look really pale.”
“…Well, it was a pretty tough fight with Dad, so…” He fibbed, averting his eyes, “But I’ll catch you up on everything later. Right now, you just need to keep your strength.”
Hiyori hummed in agreement, closing her eyes and exhaling.
“Hiiro,” Yato called out, “Thank you, for your suggestion.”
Though Hiyori was confused, she also turned her head to look at the smaller girl and added, “Thank you from me too. For bringing me to them.”
Hiiro parted her lips, overwhelmed and surprised. After a moment, she let out breathlessly, “Y-you’re welcome…”
“Should we take Iki-san to a human doctor?” Bishamon asked after a beat of silence, nodding to Yato, “You and Yukine however can receive treatment at my manor.”
He looked at Hiyori, “Yeah. And unfortunately, we’ve got to take you somewhere around here, Hiyori. There’s no way you’d make it back to Tokyo like this.”
She covered her face with her hands, “I know you’re right, but… it’s going to be such a pain trying to explain how I got here to my parents.”
Yukine put a hand on her shoulder sympathetically, “We’ll think of something. Just let us take care of you for now.”
“We owe it to you.” Yato gripped her hand tightly.
“You do.” She agreed, giving him a sharp look, “That and a lot more.”
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hotchley · 3 years ago
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🐨 Ayyy, first week of work! So far it’s been chasing 4-year-olds around the park in 100 degree (F) heat. But they’re adorable, and sweet, so it’s fun. I bike to work, so the weather isn’t ideal, haha. I get some serious helmet hair.
I did not in fact get into that acapella group, sadly, which sucks cause it is totally like Pitch Perfect and it’s so cool! I had two callbacks but didn’t get it in the end, sadly.
We still have karate in the summer, so my dad and I have been doing some teaching. Our orange belts are absolutely feral and it’s hilarious. They tell us the most random stuff when it is not at all random. Last week, our head instructor and I were demonstrating something, and then a little kid goes “my feet are cold” and we’re like “??? Okay, but reverse punches?”
My whole family has been watching this show called Ted Lasso together. My parents watched it, and then I did, and I would watch in the living room so my brother joined a few times. It’s just so optimistic and nice. It’s like forty-minute increments of restored faith that things might all actually turn out okay, and a reminder that the world needs more kindness than any one person can give, but that’s just all the more reason to give out every bit of kindness that we can. It also means that occasionally, my dad and I will chant “he’s here, he’s there, he’s every-fucking-where! Roy Kent!” around the kitchen because it’s a very catchy cheer.
I met my older brother’s girlfriend! She’s from a different state—they met at college—so she stayed with us for a few days, and it was very fun! I feel like it’s a Rule that the girlfriend and the little sister must form an alliance. We exchanged embarrassing stories about my brother. He regretted ever introducing us. It was great!
So yeah, that’s basically life over here. Best of luck with your exams! And the strangers infringing upon your day of rest. Both are rough, and you have my sympathy. I remember doing my AP exams last month…testing is tiring. But you’re one of the wisest people I know, and hard-working, so I have complete faith that you’ll be alright :)
Oooh how exciting! I had to do the conversion- which is how I've learnt that I can't spell celsius- and wow that really is hot! Aww it does sound like fun! Ugh I'm actually so annoyed that I never learnt to ride a bike it sounds like so much fun!
Aww, I'm sorry. I hope you feel better about it and just remember that there's nothing wrong with rejection. I had a teacher that used to say there was no such thing as failing because it just meant you tried something out there and it went a bit wayward. But then my brain went to... other places because of wayward and yeah
Oh that also sounds like a lot of fun! Kids are actually hilarious <3
Aww it does sound like a very good show. I like that. I think it always comes back to there being no reason to be mean because why would you bother? And that people deserve softness and it's not a bad thing.
Ahh yes the alliance! I'm glad you two get on and it must be so much fun being able to gang up on him together
Aww thank you. I have four to go, I finish in the morning and then I'm going to be brave and give my textbooks back and say goodbye. There will probably be tears when I go to my history teacher because I'm determined to say a bit more of an eloquent thank you than: "*name of grief counsellor* and I were talking because of course that's what you do we can hardly sit in silence and she said-" "sorry, who?"
The strangers were actually not too bad. She got me a jewellery box, which was very kind, and although I was tired and actually miserable- I had been crying and then my mum got involved which was... debatable in how helpful it was because yeah anyways, it was nice enough.
It's absolutely exhausting!
Thanks friend, I'll be holding onto that as we hit the home stretch. Four days. That's all that's left. And yes it's sad, but it's exciting because I can find volunteering and do my writing and my instagram and read things!
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silence-burns · 4 years ago
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Please Hate Me //part 51
Fandom: Marvel
Summary: Based on: “Imagine having a love/hate relationship with Loki.” by @thefandomimagine​ Who would have thought that babysitting a god could be so much fun?
Genre: slow-burn, enemies to lovers, banter, smut
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The TV buzzed quietly in the living room, repeating the same string of information all the news stations had been reporting since yesterday. It was amusing to see how many different words could be used to state the same thing without anyone noticing, especially if the only clip actually capturing the event that'd been on everyone's tongues for the past 24 hours lasted for less than 10 seconds and had been recorded on painfully cheap equipment.
Still, a suspicious and still unexplained cloud of what appeared to be dust, rising at the edge of the observable surface of the Moon, kept people plastered to the screens.
Peter kept an eye on the report just in case any actual news dropped,  but so far, despite his ever growing curiosity, the world's experts were just as clueless as they had been yesterday, especially since investigating the site in person was not really an option.
A shiver ran down the boy's arms, urging him to keep moving. Even though the windows were wide open, the sour stench still hung in the air of his apartment. Fanning the air with an incredibly colorful and tacky fan aunt May had bought last summer, Peter had hoped to make the apartment a breathable place again before she was back.
"Don't look so smug," Peter gave Barbara the side eye. "It's your fault."
From the heights of the chandelier, the undead owl blinked slowly with all the smugness only an untouchable criminal was capable of mustering. In fact, the gagging odor only seemed to worsen.
Peter coughed, shuffling in even closer to the open window. They say that experience is the toughest, but also the best teacher, and Peter had no reason to disagree.
"...no wonder they didn't let you eat inside."
Peter checked the news again. He was dying to drown Loki and you under all the questions about what precisely had happened on the Moon. The boy had no doubts that your little visit there was directly connected to the incident, but he had no way of learning the truth just yet. The only two people knowing the facts were currently incapacitated and trying their best not to die on Peter's bed. Or at the very least not to let go of all the alcohol consumed.
Despite his best efforts, Peter was unable to wake them up. When he had offered to hide them from Thor for reasons they weren't the most open about, Peter had no idea it would be for such an extended period of time. Peter had only suggested his house because he knew aunt May was supposed to work till afternoon, but these few hours of peace and quiet were coming to a rather swift end with each moment Peter was incapable of waking and then moving out the two drunkards clinging onto his bed for dear life.
Peter had no idea how to explain them to aunt May. Or the undead owl poisoning the air from the heights of the chandelier.
With the door to his room firmly shut, Peter hoped his secret stash of people that definitely shouldn't be there would stay secret. He had a big chance of succeeding after all. If only he managed to fan out the stink in time and—
The keys rattled in the lock with the familiar jingle of all the little gadgets aunt May loved to keep attached despite their utter uselessness. 
Peter looked at Barbara. Barbara looked at Peter. The boy could've sworn the owl recognized the thoughts rushing through his head at that moment, and decided to be even meaner than usual. Before Peter managed to put together a story explaining how an undead and rather unhygienic owl came into his possession, the owl took a swift exit through the open window and disappeared, leaving only the stench behind.
"Oh, come on…"
Increasing the speed of his fanning, Peter hoped it would be enough. The sounds coming from the door shattered his hope.
Aunt May coughed as she walked in, dropping the grocery bags on the table. "Peter, sweetheart, please tell me no one died in here while I was gone."
She took the fan from his hands and leaned out of the window, taking large gulps of the fresh air.
Outside, there was no sign of a stinky undead owl anywhere in sight. Not even one filthy feather to prove how close to guessing the truth aunt May was. Peter was unsure whether it was for better or for worse, but it surely left him with all the questions remaining to be answered.
"No, of course not!" he laughed the fakest laugh of his life. "It's not like any animals could get in and just...decompose, right?"
"Well, it would certainly be hard given what floor we live on, but you know New York, the rats can just get anywhere."
Peter watched in growing terror as his aunt looked around, set firmly on finding the source of the smell. The living room was a closed space, with only so many pieces of furniture to look under before the idea of marching into the boy's room popped into her head.
There was little to no doubt his own head would be torn from his neck if she beheld the sight of it.
"That's not rats, really! It's just… well, Ned made me swear not to tell a thing, but you know his stomach and I had told him the burrito we had after school didn't look very well, but he was insistent, so…"
Peter shrugged, trying his best not to show how fast his heart was drumming in his chest. He made a mental note to apologize to Ned later, or at least buy him a burrito next time they met. Not mentioning the reason for it would probably be the wisest, though.
Aunt May sighed with what could only be read as parental concern. As Peter's closest friend, Ned was a frequent guest to the apartment and many meals have gone by with May admiring his appetite. She knew well the capabilities of Ned's stomach and the inhuman amount of food it could make disappear. 
"Poor thing, I really hope he recovers soon. Is he still there?" May whispered, nodding towards the bathroom.
"No, he just...left."
May raised her eyebrows. "In that state?"
"I mean, he said he was fine now and could make it home."
"You should call him," she gave up on her search and started unpacking the groceries she got on her way home. "I really hope he made it in one piece."
"That's a great idea, I'll do it right away."
Before May managed to say another thing, the boy was already gone, the door to his room firmly shut. She smiled to herself. Ned was a good boy and she was glad Peter still had a friend in him for so many years. If only his choices in food weren't a health hazard...
Peter locked the door behind him, pushing his back to it. He took a deep, if rather shaky breath.
"I'm glad you're finally awake, but what are you guys doing?"
You turned your head away from the open window, banging it into Loki's. He winced, but continued to assess the 10-story drop to the ground outside the building. 
"We're sneaking out," you slurred. "The suits are coming."
"What su-"
Even through his closed door, Peter heard the doorbell ring. He froze. "Who's that?"
"I don't remember, but they want something from us."
Peter looked at the door. Then back to you. Loki was already missing.
The fire escape was an old and wiry thing, stubbornly fighting against the rust and corrosion throughout the years. It stood mostly unbroken, which was greatly appreciated by the two people currently about to use it. But the passage of time left its mark that could be well heard by all the residents of the building. The high-pitched, irritating sound of old metal creaking under every step was a steep price to pay for a way out.
Peter took a deep breath in his now-empty room. It did little to steady him. Behind the door, he could hear a conversation between aunt May and a voice he almost recognized. Maybe if he snuck out after them…
"Peter, come here for a moment!" May called him with a smile to her voice.
It couldn't be that bad if she was smiling, right?
Reluctantly, Peter returned to the living room, bracing himself to meet whoever the suits were. 
"Hello, Peter," Agent Coulson nodded politely in his direction. 
SHIELD was in his house and Peter had little to no doubt the agent wasn't there to try his aunt's home baked cookies. 
"I'm sorry for the rush, Peter, but have you perhaps seen…," the agent looked at Peter's aunt, "your new coworkers? I can't contact them lately. We were working on a new project."
Peter watched his aunt link his apparent 'internship' at Stark Industries and Coulson's words. Even though she was growing giddy and engaged the agent in some small talk about the job, Peter knew the agent was still waiting for the answer.
There was only one way of getting out of this mess.
Playing dumb had always been his savior.
Peter was the image of innocence as he asked, "Who?"
But Coulson's features hardened almost imperceptibly. In one short moment, Peter knew he messed up.
Well, maybe playing dumb didn't work on certain people.
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atinydise · 4 years ago
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Too Late
❦ Genre: Angst.
❦ Pairing: Wooyoung.
❦ Word count: 911.
❦ A/N: Day 10 of “Ateez New Year Writings, Edition 2021” 🦋
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"Wooyoung!" Entered San in his friend's room, totally worried. "San... I told you I want to be alone." Replied Wooyoung, face buried under his pillow. "Seonghwa-Hyung saw Y/N at the mall! She's leaving!" The young boy threw the pillow away, staring right at San. "Leaving? What do you mean by 'leaving'? "She's leaving South Korea! Today." "I can't believe it... She can't leave this way, she has a job, her college and her friends here." He stood up, running right in the kitchen, sure to find his Hyung here. "Seonghwa Hyung!" He yelled. "I know what you are going to ask me, and I can't say anything." He stopped him. "What? Hyung you need to tell me! I need to ask her to stay in South-Korea!" "She asked me to not tell you. She doesn't want to see you Wooyoung." This information was like an electroshock for him. You decided to erase him of your life. In only few months you were ready to continue your life without him, but he was not. He kept everything; your selfies and pictures together in his phone, you were still his wallpaper, the dozens of frames in his room were still there, all your gifts were hanging in his wardrobe, still intact. But you probably threw away everything, every memory, every gift, every pictures. "I know it will be hard, but she was clear with me." Said Seonghwa, patting his back. "If she sees you, she might change her mind. Let her be happy again Wooyoung." "I've never wanted to break up with her Hyung." Replied Wooyoung. "Everyone is acting like I did it, but no. The company did!" "Wooyoung, calm down." Whispered San, holding his friend by the shoulders. "How can I remain calm when the love of my life is leaving the country? Leaving me alone here?" He asked, his eyes tearing a bit. Seonghwa and San felt really bad for him. With a quick glance, San begged him to tell at least 2 or 3 information, so Wooyoung could maybe find you before you leave. The eldest member sighed and rubbed his forehead, "she's going to Spain for few months, her plane is in 1 hour, maybe less now." With this information, Wooyoung run to the hallway, he put the easiest sneakers he found and grabbed his coat. "Wooyoung you'll never be there in time!" Yelled San just behind him. "I'm going to do my best to stop her." He claimed, slamming the door.
Wooyoung jumped in the first taxi he saw. He apologized to the young couple who was waiting for the same one. "Sorry I need to see my girlfriend before she leaves the country!" He shouted aggressively. Unlucky for him, the beginning of the road might be quick, but the traffic was disastrous in the next minutes. "Sir, do you think we will be at the airport in time?" "I don't know young boy, usually the traffic is stuck for 30 minutes minimum." "30 minutes? I don't have the time to be stuck for 30 minutes Sir!" Panicked Wooyoung. "Sorry, my car cannot teleport buddy." He apologized ironically. Wooyoung's brain was non-stop functioning to find a solution to be there in time. He could never run to the airport, it's too far away and too dangerous. "Maybe you should call her. Just to say that you are coming." Advised the driver. Of course, he thought about this a thousand of times before, but he knew you would never pick up the phone. You probably deleted his number. Just when he was looking for your contact's number, San called him. ["Where are you? Are you with Y/N?"] ["San, I left 20 minutes ago. How can I be at the airport now?!"] He shouted at the phone before hanging up. "Relax young boy." Chuckled the taxi driver. "If she loves you enough, she won't put a foot in this plane." "The thing is that I don't know if she does." He sighed. "If you knew it before you might know it now. Love never disappear in a night." He looked at Wooyoung by the rearview mirror. The was the last words they exchanged. Wooyoung knew that this old man was right. He was probably the wisest here, so all of his advised were welcomed. But he was still doubting, when he told you that you needed to go apart for some time, you just left without saying anything. Like you knew that it would happen one day. 30 minutes later, the taxi driver stopped in front of the airport entrance. Wooyoung asked him to stay here, and on a brave thought, he promised that he would come back with you. The airport was crowded, Wooyoung would never distinct your face with this amount of people. He stared at all the boarding to see your possible flight number. When the Spain one appeared, he run to the gate, bumping into few people. When he arrived on the Spain gate, he saw only few people there, but not you. He rushed to the girl working for the flight attendance service and asked her. "Hello! Can I just check inside the plane, my girlfriend is here! She can't leave. It will take 1 minute!" "Huh... Mr. Jung Wooyoung?" She hesitated. "Yeah, that's me I know, but can I-" he cut her off, thinking she was a fan. "Mrs. L/N gave us a letter. It's for you." She handed him a green light card. On the top, he noticed your handwriting. Completely forgetting his main mission, he sat on the bench just next to the gate entrance. Dear Wooyoung, When I saw Seonghwa at the mall before leaving, I knew I was screwed. He probably said San that he met me, and San rushed to tell you. Wooyoung smiled, you knew all of them so well. You've might be a little bit confused when he told you that I was leaving. To be honest, I am too. I just couldn't stay here any longer. We've been together for few years already, so it's like having memories everywhere you know. Then, I randomly bought a plane ticket to Spain. I don't even know how to speak Spanish, but people are really nice there and I think I'll learn fast.
He knew that you wouldn't get any problems there anyway. You are so lovely that everyone would want to be friends with you. You had this warm and nice aura that nobody else has. If you read this letter, is that I am probably already in the plane or maybe already in Spain. My heart tells me that you run to me just after Seonghwa gave up and said few information about my flight. You were probably stuck in the traffic because I chose the most annoying flight ever. You rushed there, begging the girl at the entrance to let you go in the plane. And now you are reading this.
More and more Wooyoung was reading, he realized that you were decided to leave. Nobody or nothing could change your mind. His eyes became teary, it became hard to read. Don't blame yourself by saying that you arrived too late. Don't blame yourself for having a great career, but strict rules. We both know that it would be hard. Just enjoy your time with Atiny and the boys. You are doing an amazing job as an idol. Few tears dropped on the letter, messing up with the black ink. Wooyoung dried his eyes before the letter end unreadable. Thank you for loving me at the same time. I know it was hard for you, because of your schedule and because I'm probably the clingiest girl on the earth. But you always managed to bring happiness and love to me. I doubt that someone will love me the same way someday. But I hope someone will love you more than I do. Please don't feel sorry, don't cry. Be happy and always this happy crackhead that I love. Your forever biggest fan, Y/N
P.S.: Because I know all of you so well. Look in front of you. For a second, he thought that you would be the one here. But he saw all the group standing here. Seonghwa and San probably tell the other to join them so they could comfort him. Wooyoung busted in tears, hiding his face under the letter sheet. All the boys rushed around him, patting his back and head, saying that everything would be okay. How everything could be okay if you weren't here anymore? If you loved him so much why did you put a foot in this plane?
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