#and she got basically the same AMOUNT of stuff that i did yesterday! we both came back from different stores at around the same time

[mildmayfoxe]

it is kind of crazy to witness how people who make real money (have a salary) live because my roommate is trying a new local meal delivery service and she’s been really enjoying it so i just went and looked at their website and it’s at least $100+ a week which boggles the mind. meanwhile i’m going to the grocery store & always hitting the “20 items or fewer” lane & getting mad when i have to pay more than $50

[dontjudgemeimawriter]

Mika & Terran argument

I haven't shared an excerpt in a while and I got a good amount done last week.

I'm not sure how much context to give. Reminder of the basic premise that Terran faked Raymond' death and never told Mika, Raymond's twin sister, that he was alive. That's all come out now, and Terran has to face to consequences of keeping it from her. Terran at one point in the scene gives a recap of the preceding events.

Scene under the cut

Syndicate Taglist (ask to be +/-):

@puzzleddragon02 @sleepy-night-child @drippingmoon @thegreatobsesso @athenswrites @charlesjosephwrites @wildswrites @thelaughingstag @cljordan-imperium

--

When I headed to the hotel, bag of Mika’s things over my shoulder and the folder and birth certificates tucked in the pocket of my jacket, I traveled through back alleys. Staying out of the more public areas may not have actually been safer, but it felt it. I knew when someone was following me through the messy side streets more than I did on the busy main streets.

I paused when I saw Mika.

I’d been coming to see both of them, but I’d expected them to be in the room. Mika was sitting on the steps of an abandoned shop that shared an employee parking lot with the Veranda. She hadn’t seen me yet. She was wearing the same jacket she had on yesterday and her hair was in a braid swung over her shoulder. A gray cat was nuzzling its face into her hand, and I could see the edge of a smile.

My presence would ruin that smile.

But it seemed stupid to sneak past her, and we were otherwise fairly alone. So I approached her, keeping a few feet back before announcing myself.

“Mika.”

Her head snapped towards me, the sudden movement making the cat back away. The hint of a smile left and turned back into the hatred she always shot at me. Without speaking to me, she turned back into the cat. “Yes, that’s right. Run away, you know when someone’s dangerous, don’t you?” she said.

I hoisted the bag off my arm. “I have your things. Clothes. Toothbrush. Pajamas. That facial stuff in the bathroom.” I trailed off.

“Well, I’m not keeping it out here, am I?” she said, not accepting the bag, so I put it back over my shoulder.

I didn’t know what to say. “Where’s Raymond?”

She turned back to look at me. Her eyes narrowed. “Oh really? You’re asking me now? How the tables have turned. Shall I lie and say he’s—“ Her own emotions cut her off, not able to say it even to accuse me. I watched as she swallowed hard, knowing what it felt like. She crossed her arms. “Abigail called.”

“Shit,” I muttered. I knew he’d agreed to do whatever and help them find the trove, but so soon?

Mika didn’t say anything, just stared in angry silence.

I wanted him here. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted him to tell me why Zachary was wrong. And I was still so tired. I’d noticed my body aching on the walk over here.

“You know what? Give me the bag. Thanks a lot, and fuck off.” Mika said. She stood up and held out her hand for it.

I was really tired of her being mad at me. “I’m sorry, should I not have saved your brother?” I snapped. I swung the bag off my shoulder and let it fall to the ground between us. “Before you were mad at me because I did. Now you’re mad that I didn’t, make up your mind.” I could feel myself saying stupid, hurtful things, adding fuel.

“Oh, this is just my wildest dream, isn’t it? That the one person I attempted to trust has been keeping this from me—“

“Oh and it took you how long to extend the slightest olive branch?”

“You should have told me. You should have told me day of, I deserved to know.”

“Mika, do you really not get our situation? I know you know it. I know you know that this is all fucking life or death, you recognized that we’re both terrified. You think I kept this from you for fun, to watch you squirm? I kept it from you to protect him.”

“Because I’m a danger? You think I would put him in danger?”

I balled my fists, holding them at my sides. “You did exactly that, Mika!”

“Oh this whole Judge situation? You think I want him being used like this?” She looked me over. She took a step down the stairs she’d been sitting on and shook her head. “He’s doing this for you. He’s being an idiot.”

“I’m sorry, who was tied to a chair and who was willingly handing over the trove? Do you know how mad Zachary would be if he found out about that? Do you know realize that that’s why the Judge wants Raymond?”

“No,” she shook her head.

“Mika, you handed it over to them! That didn’t look coerced to me.”

“No. That’s on you.” She insisted.

And this was ridiculous. Maybe I’d starting saying things to be hurtful and angry, but that was so blatantly false. “Let me recap for you. I sneak into their room to free Jodi, who was your freind. I get caught, tied up, and paralyzed. You walk in on your own volition and hand over tot he judge a whisper full of information, which Raymond is forced to interpret in exchange for my life. Please explain to me how this is on me.”

I can see tears in Mika’s eyes, and for a moment I think it’s because I’m right. But she shakes her head again. Stubborn as always.

“Terran, why do you think I was doing that?” She asked, this time her voice cracking a little instead of pure anger. “You think I thought it’d be fun to betray Zachary? You think I thought Oh, I sure hate working for him, how about I got help out the guy in charge instead? You gave me no other choice. You made it so I was alone, just like I had been ever since you took him from me. Don’t deny that—even if you didn’t kill him, you took him from me. Why do you think I reached out? And you pushed me away again. That was supposed to give me freedom. You think I would have put Raymond in danger if I’d known?” She turned away to hide wiping an eye with her sleeve. “And what, I’m supposed to trust you now? What else would you keep from me?”

I couldn’t find a reply to that. Her words sunk in. I remembered how she’d tried to reach out, to help me find Jodi only for me to push her away… to avoid her running into Raymond. And maybe I’d been wrong this whole time. She could keep a secret. Maybe I should have told her.

I’d never cared until now how much she hated me. She was hating me for something I didn’t do, so I never took it personally. Never even really cared, for a long time, it wasn’t very important what she thought. But now she was hating me for exactly what I had done. And the hurt that Raymond’s death had caused her… that I’d caused her… that didn’t just go away with his return to her life.

I dropped focus. “I’m sorry,” I said. I avoided meeting her eyes, just started at the ground. “You’re right. I should have told you. I should have told you a long time ago. I should have trusted you and not pushed you away.” I sat down on the stoop. “When I did that, when I saved him, it was the first good thing I ever did. I wanted to protect him, but I was also protecting myself. It was easier to keep you in the dark.” I fiddled with the zipper of my jacket. She didn’t say anything. I found myself continuing talking. “You and Raymond were so good at knowing what the right thing to do is. I watch you do all this and see how much you hate it, because you know it’s wrong. But I’ve only known that based on you guys’s example.”

The cat Mika had been petting, that had disappeared at some point, suddenly jumped up next to me. It curled next to me, a small warm body against my leg.

Mika let out a sigh. “Just don’t keep anymore secrets,” she said.

I reached over to the cat, running my hands cautiously over its body. I know they sometimes bite without warning, but the cat just lifted its had and looked at me.

I wasn’t sure if that meant we were okay, apology accepted. I glanced at her, but her expression was unreadable, as she just stared at the cat. At least he wasn’t angry or crying. “Zachary and I burned your house down,” I said. I looked back at the cat, which had relaxed again. I stroked its forehead. So soft.

“I figured he had,” she said, taking it much better than I’d thought she would. “He’s burned you before, too, hasn’t he?”

She’d asked me that back then, in the bathroom, when I’d helped her.

The memories twisted in my gut, but I kept stroking the cat and it was easier to say. “Yes. Before you and Raymond arrived, it was pretty common. But it was to teach me.”

Mika sat down next to me. She reached over and pet the cat under its chin, and it leaned its head towards her. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“It’s okay,” I brushed it off instinctually.

“Yes, burn a child to teach him a lesson, that’s totally fine and normal.”

“To teach me to be an assassin. To survive,” I argued.

“Fine,” she said. Then, she added, “You look like crap, you know.”

I managed a small smile at that. “Yeah, I didn’t sleep very well.”

“And poured energy into him yesterday,” she added. I’d forgotten about that. “Of course you’re drained.” A pause. “Did you come here just to bring my stuff or did you want him for some reason?”

“I wanted to bring your stuff” I said. But now that I was trying to be honest, I added, “And I didn’t really want to just stay at home.”

“Now there’s a sentiment I can get behind,” she said.

The cat decided it was bored of us and stood, walked behind Mika, and then let away.

“I found something else,” I said, remembering what was in my jacket pocket. I reached in and pulled out both things. The birth certificate I handed over first. “From your old house,” I explained. “I thought you might need it if you do manage to leave.”

Hint of a grin. “Thanks,” she said. She read it over, then folded along the seams and stuck it in the bag of her things.

“I also found this,” I said, taking out the folder. I tilted it towards her.

“What is it?” She asked, but she opened the envelope, and I waited for her to discover it herself. “A journal?”

“Your mom’s.” Suddenly I was afraid I’d lost something by giving it to her— what if she didn’t want me to read it? “I haven’t read it. But I think there’s stuff about my parents in there, too.”

She stroked a hand over the book. “Let’s go inside,” she said. “We can look through them together.”

Thank god. It was just as good as saying she forgave me. I gave her a smile— I think a real smile, for the first time with her— and stood, following her into the Veranda.

[keefwho]

September 13 - 2023 Wednesday

9:03am

I'm having the thought that I won't be able to focus on work today since I'm not streaming. I'm having the thought that I keep making things weird with people and thats a form of pushing them away. I'm having the thought that I won't be able to figure out what it is about myself that makes me believe I'm so unlovable. I'm having the thought that nothing I do today can make me feel better and lighten up.

11:00pm

This morning was the same breakfast as yesterday which was lovely. I watched the second episode of the Mia and Me show, it's pretty bad but I'm still intrigued by it. Something about it feels cozy in a way, something about it gives me PS2 vibes.

I didn't stream today, I tried to do my work alone. I did just about as bad a job as yesterday in the sense that I wasted a lot of time goofing off even though I did get it all done within the time frame I absolutely needed to. I want to get better about conforming to my schedule when conditions aren't favorable. I can do it fine if everything is perfect. I figure part of being mature means you can't wait for just the right conditions for everything. I mowed the lawn real good before lunch and also split some wood. It's one of my weekly workouts until it all gets split.

Lunch was beef stew with pasta in it. I played some HOI4 pony mod and watched some Chris Chan documentary. When work time came around I told myself I'd be better about it than I was earlier in the day and I was. I did the request and moved onto personal stuff, getting it done with much less time wasted than before. I had meant to make up for the 20 minutes I missed on commissions but I didn't do that. After work I booted up Starfield and spent an ungodly amount of time in the ship editor just to get basically nowhere. I might stick to premade ships unless I get some inspiration to build my own.

I had asked Daisy if she wanted to do something new and interesting this evening which she agreed to. When the time came to hang out we both didn't know what to do. I was down to pick literally anything as long as we've never done it or hadn't for awhile. I have the bad habit of not being able to settle on anything when I know any choice would be fine as long as I stuck to it. She seems to have the same trouble figuring out what to do sometimes. I want to overcome this so I can not only stop being bored but so I can also maybe be a sort of activity leader for those that are also stuck. Sometimes all it takes is that one person who takes the leap into doing literally anything to kickstart others.

We ended up searching around Roblox for a little bit and peaked into this horse game that we determined was pretty bad. In hindsight I wish I had tried to do some actual RP of sorts, that would have been new and interesting. I think I was too afraid to try at the time or wondered if I could even keep up with something like that. She also showed me some EPCOT posters on pinterest before she headed upstairs where we played Sky briefly. She was super tired and went to sleep while I played more Starfield which felt very cozy. It's not often I commit my attention to something like I did with Starfield tonight.

Tonight I was noticing how I try to conserve energy a lot and also try to do things in the laziest way possible while calling it "efficient". I guess in some ways it is but I was thinking about the value in deliberately putting no cap on my energy use for the sake of doing everything to the best of my ability. It also helps to keep me from overthinking because it demands a lot of mental process as well.

Today I had also forgotten all about focusing on what I'm working for rather than what I'm working against. It was helping a lot to keep my eyes on the prize but I forgot that already. Perhaps tomorrow I'll remember.

A good thing I did today was committing my attention to Starfield in my free time. I really got invested and it felt nice. Also the commitment I had to making something fresh happen tonight even if it didn't completely work out.

[urfavbooblover]

The new girl || Alex Chen x female/non-male reader

Warnings: little cursing, only fluff

(remind me if I missed any)

- Life is strange true colors: masterlist link -

Y/N’s pov:

Today was finally the Spring Festival here in Haven Springs. I was visiting my parents the last few days and got back here yesterday. I didn’t want to miss it.

I already got dressed and made my way to the Festival. Only a small amount of people are here, I think I’m still a bit early.

Of course I heard about what happened, I still can’t believe Gabe is gone. He was one of my friends. We weren’t the closest but it still hurts.

My friends informed me about it, the whole town knows about his death. His sister also moved to Haven Springs, I didn’t get the chance to meet her, but I’m definitely looking forward to doing that.

Gabe always told me about her, but never showed me a picture or something. I can’t imagine what she must be going through right now.

The Festival has several attractions, some of them are pretty fun. A man was already standing by the Jelly Bean counter, well good luck to him, I’m not gonna distract him, but winning this game is super hard.

“Good evening dear.”, I heard from beside me. I looked to my right to see Eleanor. “Hey, how are you?”, “I’m feeling really good, and you? You weren’t here these last days.”

“Oh I already told you, I was visiting my parents. But yeah, I’m doing pretty well.”, “Oh right! Your parents, I remember, well I hope you have fun today, see you later!”, “You too, bye Eleanor!”

I walked a bit more around, looking at all the decorations, it’s so beautiful. Then my eyes fell on two specific people. Steph and Ryan. They are standing at the stage. Totally forget that I actually wanted to hang out here with my best friends.

“Hey guys!”, I exclaimed with a bright smile on my face. They turned around to face me, when I suddenly was drawn into a big hug by them. “We missed you.”, Steph said. “Yeah, you also missed a lot of stuff.”, Ryan told me.

“I know, but we can catch up later about everything that happened. Today we’re gonna focus on the Fest.”, “That’s right, let’s have some fun today!”, Steph voiced excited.

We talked a bit more about Steph’s little concert and some random stuff, as they looked behind me. “Oh, there’s Alex. Y/N you need to meet her.”, Steph whispered to me.

The moment I saw her, my eyes widened. She’s so stunning. “Holy shit, you own a skirt?”, Steph questioned in a funny tone. “Hey guys.”, she said a bit shyly.

They greeted her back, as I tried to find the right words for my introduction. “Hey, you must be the new girl. Alex right?”, she looked at me and smiled slightly. “Yeah, I just moved here, and you are?”, “I’m Y/N, it’s really nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.”, “Uhm, I just wanted to say, I’m really sorry for your loss.”, “Oh, thank you, did you knew my brother?”, “Everyone basically knows each other here, it’s a very small town, so yeah we were friends.”

She nodded, kinda unsure what to say next. Thank god, Steph broke the uncomfortable silence. They started talking again about whatever, I guess the concert. I wasn’t even listening, cause I was zooming out.

I snapped out of it, when they both left, leaving me an Alex alone. Great, how am I supposed to start a conversation, without making a whole idiot out of myself?

“So Alex, what do you think of Haven Springs so far?”, “I actually like it here, not too many people and it’s really pretty.” I agreed and shortly glanced at her, seeing she was already staring at me.

“Uh... I’m gonna go, say hi to some people and look a bit more around.”, she nervously said. “Yeah same, enjoy yourself.”, I told her, giving her a small smile, then walking off to somewhere else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a while of talking to a few people and just wandering around, I noticed the concert is starting. And I couldn’t believe my eyes. Alex is standing in front of the microphone.

I made my way to the front of the crowd, as she began to talk. “Um… we’ve never played together before, and-“, “Anyway… sorry if this sucks…”

Steph played the drums as Alex started singing, while playing her guitar. And wow, her voice is amazing. I also saw her looking at me many times, making me always kinda nervous. I usually get really weak from eye contact.

After the concert was over, I walked over to her. I saw her putting her guitar in the case, and spoke up. “You did great! That was awesome!”

She looked up at me and gave me a big smile. “Thank you Y/N, I tried my best.”, “I wanna hear you sind and play again. Are you making private concerts?”, I joked.

“I never really play in front of people but… for you I’ll think about it.”, “We should meet up sometime. You don’t have to play for me, but we could just get to know each other a bit more.”, I suggested.

“Oh yeah! How about tomorrow?”, she asked. “Already? I’m down!” She grinned and adjusted her glasses. “Okay then… see you tomorrow Y/N!”, she said in a rather flirty voice, before waking past me.

I only just met her and she already is making me feel some type of way.

[mayansmcsblog]

Her world or mine

I have no idea when i wrote this but i found it in my drafts half done so i finished it and- yh that's about it😅

This was meant to be based upon the song her world or mine but i got off track so its only loosely based upon it.

word count: 3640

Enjoy!

He hasn't used the truck for weeks, he had no reason to anymore, being in it only brought back memories of you. The long drives, the short drives too. The way you would hold his hand while he was driving or how you would remind him to pay attention to the road when he looked in your direction for too long. All the memories were fresh within his mind- almost as if it was yesterday. 

Even now, he was only sitting in it, he had to do the beer run and obviously that couldn't be done on a bike, he had to take the truck, but all he could think about was how you used to sit in the passenger seat beside him. He could see it in his mind so vividly, if he didn’t know you had moved on he would swear you were sitting with him. 

Looking at the dash his gaze caught the Polaroid photo that was still in its place next to the radio. Your face accompanied a smile whilst his had his usual ‘tough’ man expression, but if you looked close enough, you would be able to see a small smile placed upon his lips. You took it at one of the infamous Mayans parties, he remembered how it took you around 10 minutes to ‘convince’ him to take it, he wanted to take it from the moment you suggested it but he wondered how far you would go to get him to do it

-

“Please” you had been begging him for the last 5 minutes in attempt to get him to take a photo with you but to no avail

“No” you two were sitting on the bench outside the clubhouse, people surrounding the both of you, everyone was involved on their own conversations so neither of you paid any mind to them. Of course he was still aware of his surroundings but was more relaxed than usual

“But come on” you begged

“No y/n” he kept his face as straight as he could but you could slowly see a shadow of a smirk forming upon his lips

“Why?”

“No face no case” he shrugged with a slight smirk on his face, clearly that was a lie. Not even 20 minus prior you had taken a photo of all of the club members standing outside of the clubhouse per bishop’s request so he could frame it and hang it somewhere within the clubhouse to show off the members.

“Why are you so stubborn?”

“Why are you so adamant? “He questioned

“Because” 

“Because what?” standing up he motioned for you to do so as well,

“Just because”

“Come on follow me”

Standing up you took this hand as led you away from the party,

“Where are we going?”

“To take this god damn photo”

-

Recalling that night he felt a pain inevitably run across his chest, sure you two were only friends when it was taken but that night was the foundation for building the relationship you two once shared. 

Why had he been so stupid to let you go?

He knew he would have to drive past your place to get to the brewery, it was inevitable really. There was no other way unless he was going to drive an extra 30 minutes, which he didn't have time for.

when he reached the turn in to your street he slowed down a little, looking at your house from a distance he could see a car he didn’t recognize in the driveway. As he got closer he could see two people on the porch, he immediately recognized you accompanied by some guy. 

Of course you had someone else.

-----

Sitting on the couch you couldn't help but let your mind drift back to him, you missed his smile, you missed the way he would have a running commentary while watching anything on the TV, you missed how he would hold you after a long day, you missed everything about him.

“You’re thinking about him again, aren't you?” 

You did nothing but hum in response

Your brother had elected to stay with you for a few weeks while he was on a business trip for some type of expansion for the company he worked for. Originally it was a good idea, it kept you mind off Ez, but the more time your brother was here, the more he talked about his wife back home and how he couldn't wait to get back to her just made you think about how you don't have someone in your life to look forward to anymore, you no longer had someone you could tell everything to, someone who would stay by your side, someone you knew would be waiting for you when you were away from home. As much as you loved your brother, you were thankful he was leaving tomorrow

“Im gonna go get a drink” standing up you heard your brother mumble something in response but you elected ignored him and heading to the kitchen.

As you approached the fridge you spotted the picture of you and Ezekiel stuck on the door. You were pretty sure it was Coco who had taken when him, you, Ez and Angel went over the border for a day because none of you had anything to do and for some reason Mexico was the first thing that was suggested. You had been meaning to get rid of it but couldn't bring yourself to. Alot of memories were collected between the four of you, some of them you were just not ready to let go of yet.

By now he was probably already in another relationship so why were you still holding on?

Grabbing a bottle of water you headed outside and sat on the porch steps. You knew there was a party at the clubhouse tonight, Angel had invited you to come, but you knew Ez would be there. 

Did you really want to see a girl all over him while you're still here alone? Because that would definitely happen

Maybe he wouldn't be there? Or maybe he would be too busy doing stuff to even realize you were there 

You were too wrapped up in your own mind to even realize your brother had stepped outside till you heard a creak from the wood behind you 

“Y/n?”

“Yeah” 

“you okay?" He asked sitting beside you

 “yep"

You two sat in silence for a few moments before he started talking once again

“I love you ye? Don’t let that boy ruin you. He lost you by his own fault. You did nothing” he rambled on about how you should have been treated better and how Ez lost the best thing he could ever have. But you knew he was wrong.

Ezekiel always treated you like a queen, your brother met him one time and barely spoke to him for longer than five minutes. As far as you were concerned you brother didn't know anything about him

While he was rambling you were looking into the distance, mainly just looking at the sky but you could have sworn you saw his truck drive past, but maybe you were just seeing things right? His truck wasn't the only one, there were probably millions of them.

-

The party was in full swing, people were everywhere, the room full of patches from all over. mass amounts of people from charters were visiting in celebration of a new deal with the sons, leaving Ez to tend the bar along with some hang rounds.

Wiping down the bar he couldn't help but think about you for the billionth time today. He knew you two broke things off but it didn't mean you had to leave everyone from the club behind as well as him.

"Bro what the hell is wrong with you?" Angel questioned

"Nothing" shrugging his shoulders he dropped the bar rag and turned to get angel a beer from the fridge behind him

"Stop lyin man, what's going on in that head?" Angel knew his own brother better then to believe 'nothing' was going on with him, something was always going on up in Ez's brain, even if he didn't admit it

"I dunno man, I just think it's weird how y/n left us you know?" Ez shrugged again, handing angel a beer

"She didn't leave us. She’s distancing herself. Got a lot of family shit going on right now" he explained, you kept Angel in the loop with everything, after all he was your best friend even before Ez and you got together, if Ez wouldn't tell you something- Angel would.

"Just think it’s weird" Ez repeated, messing with the bar rag once again

"Ya well she’s coming tonight”

Before Ez could respond coco stood next to Angel 

"Who’s comin?"

The brothers looked at each other for a moment before angel came up with an idea 

"Just some random bird for our boy scout to bed"

"My man," Coco chuckled "finally gonna get your dick wet huh?"

----

You knew this was a bad idea, you knew he would be here. 

Was he going to be with another girl? Actually stupid question, of course he would be

Opening your phone you sent angel a text

‘I'm like five minutes out but i swear to God if you abandon me tonight i will hit you so hard that you can't remember anything for a week’

At least he would walk in with you so you weren’t alone right?

---

Angel stood up abruptly in the middle of a conversation he was having

"Where the fuck you going?" Coco questioned, lighting a cigarette from the chair he was sitting in

"Meet a friend"

"A friend huh?"

"Yeah...maybe you'll like her" Angel replied before grabbing his beer and retreating towards the door.

---

Walking through the gate you saw the front of the club littered with patches. Some of them were from different charters. Weird, angel never mentioned other charters visiting, by the look of the outside, you could only imagine the clubhouse itself is packed with people.

Scanning the crowd you spotted the person in question walking towards you

“Hey stupid face”

“good evening stupid head”

“that's basically the same thing i just said” 

"oh shut up i couldn't think of insult fast enough”

Pulling you into a hug you couldn't help but feel a little more relaxed. Angel was always like an older brother to you, an annoying one at that but still a brother.

It had been weeks since you saw him, being back in his company made you feel safe again, almost like a sense of home

He placed a kiss on your temple “We missed you here”

“Yeah, I know” letting him go you looked around, mainly to see if any of the other guys were in sight but also to see if coco was around, expecting to be attacked as per usual. 

Angel took notice of you scanning the crowd “He's inside”

“Hmm? Sorry I got no idea what you're on about”

Pulling you into his side he wrapped an arm around your shoulders “sure ya don't”

Walking inside you scanned the crowd once again, thankfully coco was nowhere to be seen for the moment and most of the guys were spread out around the room. Bishop and Taza were playing pool, Gilly and Creeper were sitting at the table in a conversation whilst hank sat opposite them looking at something on his phone, Ez was tending the bar like usual but this time he was accompanied by some hang rounds.

At least there isn't girls hanging off him yet 

“C'mon let’s get a drink huh” angel lightly shoved you towards the bar playfully.

“No”

“No?” his eyebrows raised playfully

“No and if you try to make me go over there with you i promise i will embarrass you” you laughed 

“Fine”

After he got the drinks you both sat at a table in the corner for a while talking, the majority of the topics were about what had been happening while you were distanced from everyone.

Eventually Coco spotted you two and joined in the conversation. you sat talking to the two of them while everyone else was up to their own things, you didn't mind, the both of them combined made for some very interesting storys, the conversation could never die. After around 10 minutes, Angel had left you two alone saying he “wasn't bout to listen to this shit ''- which was super ironic considering the topic of conversation was about modifications for a new bike coco had brought a few days ago

“How does your bike handle anyway? I heard they are bottom heavy and hard to manoeuvre sometimes” you questioned. overtime Ez had taught you some things about bikes, mainly when he was just rambling about random things not thinking you were really paying attention to what he was saying

“It’s alright i guess, sometimes it slips when I lean too far on corners, other times it tends to not wanna go the way I need to but other than that it handles pretty well, arms hurt like a bitch after long ride though” he explained

Nodding your head you understood where he was coming from, having your arms at that angle for hours must have taken its toll

“Ay '' he nodded his head towards someone behind you, Turning your head you saw it was Ez walking through the door with Angel, seemingly engrossed in some type of conversation they were having.

Despite spotting him earlier you only scanned over his appearance but now you actually took a good look at him, he looked different, not much but still different from before. His hair was in the same style but it little more grown out then usual, his facial hair had grown out a little too. His eyes had bangs underneath them and his face looked drained.

All in all he looked like shit.

“You know he’s not the same without you right?” bringing your attention back to coco you couldn't help but feel like you were to blame, maybe if you fought harder of him you two would have never split.

“You two spoke since?” he questioned

“Nope...I got a few drunk calls saying he was sorry but other than that. No” you shook your head. 

After you two first broke up he called you around a week later rambling about something but since he was slurring his words- you could barely understand anything he was saying. You got about 2 voicemails of him saying he was sorry and how he fucked up but- you never spoke to him, never texted him back when he would ask you if you were coming to one of the parties.

“The amount of times we've had to stop him from drunk calling you is unreal”

Playing with the label on the beer bottle in front of you, you thought about what coco said- clearly Ez had attempted to talk to you at some point, but why? The whole breakup was because he needed “space” to deal with some things so why was he trying to talk to you?

“He wanted space, I gave it to him” you shrugged, slowly peeling off the label

“Didn’t mean you had to leave us too” looking up from the bottle you saw coco was now avoiding your gaze

“Yeah...I know” maybe it was wrong of you to drop everyone, but being around them would have only brought back memories of you and Ez. At the time it seemed like a good idea to distance yourself from all of the guys, but now, despite only being here for a hour, you could tell how much you really missed being around them.

“You know he’s walking over here right?” Dropping your head onto the table you let out a sigh causing coco to laugh “I’ll leave you two alone huh?” lifting your head up you looked at him with a facial expression as if to say ‘don’t leave me’ but he did anyway

“Y/n” his voice was low, almost as if he didn’t believe he was saying your name again

“Ezekiel”

“Can we talk?”

“We are talking” sitting up straight you turned in your seat to look at him. He looked even worse up close- the bags under his eyes were alot darker then they seemed from a distance, they made it appear like he hadn’t slept for days, you couldn’t help but notice he had a bruise slowly forming on top of his right eyebrow.

“What happened there?”

He looked confused for a moment till you pointed to his eyebrow

“Oh I erm…got into a fight.....with a wall” his eyes were trained onto the floor, almost like he was ashamed.

You hummed in response not sure how to respond without laughing 

“So how have you been?” he questions

“Good i guess..how about you?”

“Alright I suppose”

What followed was nothing but silence between the both of you, neither of you knowing what to say. The sounds of other people talking and rock music became almost deafening as the two of you stayed silent

“Well this got really awkward fast” you spoke up causing Ez to laugh a little

“Yeah..yeah it did” he nodded

After a few more moments you stood from your chair “I'm just gonna-”

“Yeah go, i get it go ahead” he finished your sentence for you.

Nodding you quickly made your way outside, the yard was almost empty by now, people had either left for the night or had moved inside.

You spotted Angel sitting on the front steps fiddling with one of the rings on his hand while looking at something in the distance. You sat beside him in silence, neither of you even attempting to make conversation but simply just being trapped within your own minds.

When you and Ez broke up you knew things would change, you knew the two of you probably wouldn't be able to have the same conversations you would before, but you never expected them being so awkward.

Maybe it was just because the wound was still pretty fresh, after all it had only been just over a month

After a few minutes you heard the door behind you open as someone stepped out, seconds later a figure sat next to you, looking over you saw it was coco

“What we doin? havin a lil moment to yourselves” he asked lighting up a cigarette and offering the both of you one

“Yep” Angel responded, taking one and lighting it before looking somewhere in the distance once again. All three of you sat for a few minutes just looking at seemingly nothing in particular.

Maybe it won't be like this forever? At some point there has got to be a time where you can come to the club without feeling awkward because ez’s here.

You heard the clubhouse door open once more behind you and once again, you didn't turn around, but coco did

"Ay man sit" you heard him say as he snapped his fingers at space left beside him to whoever stepped out from the door. It didn't take long for whoever it was to sit down.

Much like he did with you and Angel, Coco offered the person a cigarette which they must of silently declined from the lack of verbal exchange.

There has to be a point when you and the club can all hang out together like before....there has to be a stage where you and Ez can talk like normal people without it being awkward….right?

Seemingly out of no were Coco spoke up, nodding his head towards two stacked benches on the opposite side of the yard "You think i could clear those in one attempt?"

Angel was the first to respond "Absolutely fucking not" he paused for a moment- looking where the benches were stacked "but I'd love to see you try"

"I bet $50 you fail and fall face first" someone spoke up, looking to your left you finally realized who stepped out earlier ..Ezekiel

"Bet, ill prove you wrong" coco stood, taking off his kutte and placing it on the stair rail "you two wanna place any bets?" Coco looked at you and Angel

"Nope, I'm good" you shook your head

"I bet $50 that you don't clear it" Angel responded

"You have no faith pretty boy" coco responded, shaking his head  as he started to walk over to the benches

"This is going to end in a hospital trip" you stated making both Angel and Ez laugh

All three of you watched as coco seemed to examine the height of the two benches, planning the distance he would have to run to gain enough speed to propel himself over them and how he would land the jump

"You think he's gonna snap his nose again?" Ezekiel questioned

"Definitely" both you and Angel replied

All three of you watched as coco began to run towards the benches, from your angle it looked as if he could clear it....you were wrong. 

Seconds later coco was laying face first in the dirt, one leg was on the floor while the other was stuck in a piece of wood on the bench that had broke underneath his weight

"I think i broke my nose" you heard coco exclaimed causing all three of you to laugh. The few people who were still outside drew their attention to the scene and started laughing too when they realized what happened.

"Ill go get some paper towels" you said, still laughing.

Maybe this was a sign nothing had changed between the four of you, that you could all still hang out and do stupid stuff like before

Maybe nothing has to change

-------------

An| hope you enjoyed this fic. Honestly have no idea why or when i started writing this but 🤷����‍♀️ . *sorry for any spelling or grammar errors or any parts that don't make sense. only scanned it before posting it*

ALSO- i swear part two to the prank war is coming! Its just talking awhile for me to find a way to describe to things going on as well as being busy with other stuff.

[s-brant]

Cherry Bowl (3/8)

(gif: @kiekiecarrera) (PART TWO) (PART FOUR) (SERIES MASTERLIST)

Summary: When Kie cancels their plans together, Y/N asks JJ on a date to the Cherry Bowl Drive-In. Unsure of how to navigate his first ever date, JJ seeks out advice. Unfortunately, the night doesn’t go as planned, and both parties are left shaken by miscommunication.

Word Count: 10.6k

Warnings: Smut, public sex/exhibitionism, sexual choking, angst, depictions of mental illness, post-traumatic stress disorder, and implied/referenced abuse.

A/N: Welcome back to Tokens! Slight trouble in paradise is brewing for these two lovers, so buckle up and read because it’s gonna be a rollercoster for a little while after what happens in this chapter. I hope you all like it, and if you did, feedback is very appreciated. Have fun!

"I'm just saying that oatmeal raisin is superior to chocolate chip, why is that such an egregious crime, Kie?"

The lunch room is filled to the brim with students going to town on questionably cooked frozen foods, soggy tater tots, and sugary drinks from the vending machines despite the Obama-era posters on the walls advocating for healthier school lunches that never seemed to make their way to Kildare County High. The extent of their healthy lunches extended to a serving of overcooked canned green beans served with the worst slice of doughy pizza known to human kind, so it was sort of contradictory.

Y/N sits across the table from Pope and JJ, the latter of which being the one who launched into a full-fledged debate with Kiara about which type of cookie was better.

The clear cling wrap sits, unfolded, on the table with one of her stickers neatly placed on the back of it. As consolation for his epic loss yesterday at the beach, she paid an extra .75 cents to get him it when she arrived first to their shared lunch period—one of only two class periods they have together, the other being gym. He was still in line when she peeled a surfboard sticker off of her sheet and placed it at the center of the wrapped up cookie as if to remind him of her triumph over him in the waves.

"Thanks, hot stuff," he said, voice somewhat quieter despite the fact that hardly anyone was in the cafeteria with them. Then his smile dropped into an deadpan expression as soon as he saw her choice of sticker and looked back up at her. "You're never gonna let me live that one down, are you?"

"Never in a million years. I'll be gloating about it until I'm elderly."

"That's my girl."

The sound of the constant chatter surrounding them from at least two hundred other people drowns out the memories of yesterday that threaten to haunt her when she watches him debate with Kie. The mere recollection of their night in the back of the van has her reaching to pull the collar of her cropped tee up to assure that the hickeys remain hidden on instinct, and he catches the action out of the corner of his eye. It has him fighting a smile.

Kie quips, "Maybe on another planet, but, here, I think we can all agree chocolate chip is better, right Y/N?"

Y/N's eyes widen around a forkful of mushy "green beans" at the sound of her name being said bringing her from the depths of her memories.

Usually, she's quick to jump in and give her two cents on whatever stupid back and forth they're all having, but her mind was elsewhere. Unbeknownst to Kie and Pope, she was mentally reliving every second of getting fucked in the van last night, so her attention to detail when it comes to the Chocolate Chip vs Oatmeal Raisin case isn't all too sharp.

"Uhhh," she stops for a second, looking at the half eaten chocolate chip cookie in Kie's hand, "If I say chocolate chip is better, can I get a piece of it?"

Kie's face lights up at her words, and she's already pulling off a generous chunk of the baked good to hand off to her. The sound of a certain someone whose lap Y/N's legs are outstretched onto from beneath the table scoffing distracts her from the first bite.

"I know you prefer oatmeal raisin, you traitor," JJ says.

Their brunette friend's brows scrunch.

"Why is she a traitor?"

They try to keep from making any faces or giving anything away, but Y/N has to stifle the sound of her choking on her mouthful of cookie at the question. You'd think one of them came out and asked if they were dating or something with how she reacts, and she feels JJ squeeze her ankle in a non-verbal way of telling her to hold it together. It was her idea in the first place, yet he's a lot smoother with keeping it under the radar.

Under it all, the aspect of keeping it a secret does unnerve him to a degree. He doesn't think he'd be brave enough to communicate it, especially not when their relationship remains undefined, but the darker side of his mind wonders...

He shrugs, saying, "Cause we were friends first. Duh. Other than John B, I've known her the longest."

None of them stop to acknowledge the identical aches in their hearts at the mentioning of his name. They skip right over it like it never happened. After the funeral a few days ago, they've filled their quota on mushy-gushy sad talk for the next week and a half.

The real reason is something far more complicated than him having a claim staked on her loyalty through having the longest friendship. It's something tied up in days of slowly getting pulled into one another's worlds like the tug of gravity itself, in how he has to refrain from slipping his arm around her waist in the hallway or kissing her goodbye after a sleepover at the Chateau. But until she gives him the go-ahead, he won't let it slip to anyone.

Pope speaks up from beside him, "You literally met her twenty minutes before we did."

"Still counts. Technically, I did meet her first, so her betraying Team Oatmeal Raisin is enough to be tried for treason in Pogue Court."

"Pogue Court isn't a thing."

He crosses his arms after he pops the rest of the cookie into his mouth.

"It is now. You can be tried for treason for breaking the rules. Rule number one is that all Pogues have to admit oatmeal raisin is superior."

He's about to ball up the cling wrap to throw away later when the surfboard sticker catches his attention again. It's the same color as his board, which he'd like to think is a result of her being an evil mastermind that went out to get this sticker sheet for the sole purpose of teasing him, but he's the one who got her the sheet as a gift for her birthday, so he knows it was pure coincidence.

Last second, he peels the sticker away from the cling wrap and looks down to place it over the top of her yellow converse that were once a vibrant, paler color when Big John got them for her, but have since turned into an ugly mustard/dirt-dusted color they heckle her over.

"What are the other rules?" Y/N asks.

One of the hands holding onto where her feet are casually planted in his lap, something that they've done long enough that their friends won't see it as anything odd, slides down to caress the stretch of skin beneath the frayed hem of her dark jeans. Something she didn't know about him before whatever it is they have together started was that he constantly needs to be touching her. She can't say she doesn't love it though.

Pope answers, "The oatmeal raisin rule is not official"—a pointed glance at JJ—"But I'd assume the rest of the rules of Pogue Court would be no lying and no macking."

"So, basically you two break almost every rule except the oatmeal raisin one, and I lie," JJ says and turns to look at her, "How does it feel to be better than everyone, Y/N?"

"Pretty good, not gonna lie."

He keeps caressing little circles and tracing up and down her skin beneath the flared out pant leg of her jeans while he swipes his phone off of the table top without attracting the attention of their friends, who continue on to a new topic. She isn't too focused on what it is. She only picks up that it has something to do with a class they're in that's more advanced that hers, so she promptly checks out of the conversation.

Ever since John B died, she hasn't been performing too well in school. She tries, truly tries, but her mind outright refuses to absorb any of the information. When she reads her assigned reading, she hovers over the same paragraphs over and over until she shuts the book in a huff and hides it in her backpack again. Losing someone you love has a surprising amount of side effects.

Her phone buzzing in her hand brings her away from the impending cloud of doom that often accompanies any thoughts of John B, and when she taps in her passcode, her brother's birthday, a message bubble appears with a banner displaying JJ's contact name.

JJ (Derogatory) ur a good liar. prob could've fooled me if i weren't the one macking on u

Their eyes meet for a second across the table, then he watches her thumbs move to type a response.

Kief Princess Little do they know I break every rule now that I've switched sides on the cookie debate. Kinda impressive ngl.

JJ (Derogatory) triple threat, baby

JJ (Derogatory) thanks for the cookie btw

She smiles to herself, so wrapped up in their own world that she doesn't notice everyone in the room starting to pack up their stuff in anticipation of the bell that is due to ring any second now.

Kief Princess Had to repay you for last night somehow ;)

When she glances up to see his reaction, she watches his chest rise with a particularly large inhale, and he chews on the inside of his lip in thought.

JJ (Derogatory) strategically bringing up last night so i'm turned on in physics? ur an evil mastermind

Kief Princess I try.

Kief Princess Apparently whooping your sorry ass at surfing isn't the only thing I'm good at.

She hears him scoff.

JJ (Derogatory) first of all, ouch. second, u barely beat me

Kief Princess I'm happy to challenge you to a rematch. I have plans with Kie tonight, so I can't till this weekend. All it'll prove is that I am the rightful winner, but we knew that already.

JJ (Derogatory) what r the stakes this time

Kief Princess No sexual favors. If you beat me (fat chance) I'll formally rejoin team oatmeal raisin.

JJ (Derogatory) :( sex makes it more fun but i still accept those conditions

JJ (Derogatory) team oatmeal raisin needs u, even if ur a traitor

Kief Princess Why bet sexual favors if you're just gonna fuck me after anyway?

JJ (Derogatory) good point

The sound of the bell ringing echoes through the cafeteria, and they both pop their heads up from their phone screens to see everyone, including Pope and Kie, already packed up and raising from their seats to scurry off in the direction of their next classes. Meanwhile, their stuff is all bestrewn across the table, particularly JJ's belongings.

The sight of Kie walking away makes Y/N ask after her, "We're still on for tonight, right?

She stops with Pope's hand interwoven in hers. The look on her face when she turns would make you think she got caught doing something she wasn't meant to. Something like forgetting about the plans they made last week to watch Fear Street together. The Cherry Bowl Drive-In is premiering the first two movies as a double feature for the horror movie buffs of Kildare, so they decided to get tickets. Kiara shares a fondness of horror movies with her. Since gory movies make the boys squirm, though JJ pretends they don't, it's their own thing.

"Actually, Pope and I were gonna go to the beach. I'm sorry."

JJ knows she's more upset about it than she lets on, but Y/N simply gives the pair a smile that doesn't reach the eyes.

The sound of JJ behind her makes them laugh on their way out, diffusing the minor tension lingering in the air from the awkward encounter, "Use protection!"

After their friends offer them a goodbye, they gather their stuff quite leisurely, not really caring about being late.

It's something they've talked about before here or there: her feelings surrounding Kiara and Pope's sudden relationship. It's not as if she harbors any ill feelings for them, she doesn't, but the ripple effects of their pairing on the group, and more importantly the girls' own friendship, couldn't be clearer from her perspective. Between the missed hangouts, forgotten plans, and the convenient way she never seems to have time to hang out with her and JJ unless Pope is there too, it's been building up for a month now.

What makes it sting the most is how close her and Kie used to be. They didn't hit it off immediately the way she and JJ did as children until her thirteenth birthday when no one she invited showed up to the party Big John helped her set up in the yard of the Chateau.

She was the one who rallied the boys together to walk to ask their school friends from the year above to come hang out for an hour or two, promising a slice of the wonky-looking but delicious strawberry cake her and John B spent the morning crafting together. She can remember the sound of their high-pitched laughs and the cloud of flour that hung in the kitchen when they high-fived over the finished product like it was yesterday. In her heart, it was yesterday.

That night was when she fell in love with her friends, and that was when she first knew Kiara was her best friend. They wove friendship bracelets on each other that night and wore them for years until they withered away. No one had ever done something like that for her before. Not even JJ.

"You okay?"

Feeling his hand on her arm, slipping down to take her hand for a moment in the seclusion of the empty cafeteria, makes her glance up at him with a distinct sorrow washed over her features.

You know what? Screw this. Why should she be torn up over Kie and let it ruin her excitement for the double feature tonight? There's no way in hell she's letting her best friend ditching her for her boyfriend get in the way of her plans.

"Do you wanna go on a date tonight?" she asks him abruptly, then adds, "To the Cherry Bowl with me instead of Kie?"

The question sparks a pause in his mind, a halt of hesitation in which he worries about her avoiding having to answer what he asked, but he attempts to play it cool and not fuss over her outwardly. There have been times where being treated like that has made her feel suffocated, so he doesn't want to risk it. When she's ready, she'll talk about it, and if she takes too long and buries her feelings, then he'll intervene. For now, he tries to keep his face neutral despite the frown tempting his lips at her disappointment.

JJ looks around once more before throwing his arm around her shoulder to walk her out.

"You bet your ass I do."

What is a person supposed to act like on their first date that's not actually a date cause everything between them is the same, but kinda is a date because they called it one? If you ever find out, please find JJ and tell him because he has no clue.

Pope wasn't too much help in the Instagram group chat he made for it seeing as his and Kie's relationship is too fresh, John B isn't even alive, so he's out of service for advice unless there's Ouija Board he can borrow, and, thankfully, Kiara was his savior.

Their phones began blowing up as soon as he reached his class after lunch period ended. He couldn't under any circumstances let it be known that this mystery girl he had a date with was their friend, but thankfully Y/N already had the alibi of going to the Drive-In alone. All he had to do was make up a fake date scenario and get basic advice.

danknugstickiestickies added kiara-c and popeheyward to the groupchat

danknugstickiestickies named the group HELP ME

danknugstickiestickies i have a date with this chick i met on the beach when i was out with y/n last week. i need ur advice

His phone screen lit up with the notification that both of his friends were typing, signified with the three dot symbol bouncing in the bottom left corner as he thought it through. They couldn't possibly figure it out, right? They'd been careful, he'd been respectful of her wishes, and they'd been too busy together to notice anything new with them. He figured it would work. It was a risk, sure, but it was worth it to him. He didn't want to fuck this up with her.

Knowing her, she probably wouldn’t even treat it differently than any of their other hang outs. It's not like they haven't been romantic or sexual with each other. They've done everything but go out on an actual date, so why was he nervous?

kiara-c ummmm

popeheyward Yeah, I'm gonna need you to ELABORATE!!

kiara-c did hell freeze over? since when does jj maybank go out on dates??

danknugstickiestickies renamed the group hell froze over

kiara-c very funny, I'm laughing so hard 😐

popeheyward Do we know her?

danknugstickiestickies don't think u do. she moved here last week and hasn't enrolled in school yet. her name's steph

popeheyward What about Y/N though?

kiara-c ^^

JJ's chest muscles tightened with the question prompting a rush of anxiety that made his breathing feel slightly harder. He glanced up at his Physics teacher, who was essentially dozing off behind his desk with his hand in a bag of chips and an educational video on the projector as an excuse to not teach, and looked back down at his phone without the added stress of possibly getting his phone confiscated.

Pope's message might as well have been a sucker punch. Forget butterflies, he set a wasp’s nest loose inside of his stomach to tie it into knots and flip it every which way. His neglected textbook served as a prop for his phone to lean on as he set it down to think.

Did they know? As far as he was aware, they were getting away with it. No evidence, concrete or circumstantial, was there to prove it. At least the stress of the situation killed any chance of him being turned on by her reminder of last night in their messages. This shit was boner repellant of the highest degree.

He played stupid. Better to let them volunteer whatever information they had before he went in saying anything incriminating that they didn't already know. If anything would sour the experience of their first date, it would be him accidentally making their strange in-between relationship public behind her back.

danknugstickiestickies ?? what do u mean

Three dots bounced in the bottom left corner of his slightly cracked phone screen.

popeheyward ...

kiara-c I mean, you don't see it?

danknugstickiestickies see what

popeheyward I guess we were wrong, but all of us always thought you two had some feelings going on.

"You don't say?" JJ murmured sarcastically to himself under his breath. "Never crossed my mind, Pope."

danknugstickiestickies bro that's jb's little sister

kiara-c so?

danknugstickiestickies forbidden fruit? making john b roll over in his grave? do those ring a bell or am i speaking in tongues

He was already a proficient liar in real life, but, fuck, it was easy in text messages. There's no chance at deciphering facial expression or tone, just a plain message with no room to budge. Thank God he didn't do this in person with them. He could've survived, but it wouldn't have been as quick and painless as the group chat was.

kiara-c jeez, sorry

Pope didn't voice it, but he noticed something.

He looked up from his phone and stared off at the wall in thought in his AP European History class. It piqued his interest that JJ simply said she was off limits, forbidden fruit as he put it, but did not outright deny having feelings for her. In fact, he didn't even address the question. He made excuses for why he shouldn't have feelings for her, but he never said he didn't have feelings for her.

Kie did not notice. Not because she wasn't smart enough to either, but because she was too busy hiding her phone behind her backpack to think too deeply about it. Her teacher was one of those teachers that would flip shit if they saw a cell phone turned off and faced down on the desk, let alone being used by a student during a lesson.

In his classroom across the hallway, JJ bounced his leg up and down beneath his desk in an absentminded urge to release the built up energy the anxiety produced in an over abundance.

popeheyward Our bad then. Even John B thought y'all were sus lmao.

Since when was that a known fact? Could he tell? Did he talk to Pope about him and Y/N before he died? Either way, it wasn't the time to pry about it.

kiara-c yeah you guys honestly could've fooled me if you wanted to

danknugstickiestickies well thank u, glad ur invested in our friendship but

danknugstickiestickies please help, i have no fucking clue how to act on a date and this girl is too cool for me to screw this up

That was when they finally dropped the interrogation session and started offering up tips. The best ones came from Kie, which made sense to him since women are more likely to know what other women like than two dudes who share one collective brain cell and never had real relationships.

Rule One: Be ready to pick her up five minutes early.

He wasn't ready to pick her up five minutes early. His bike broke down by the time he made it halfway down his street, so he had to push it back up the road and into the yard before setting off on foot to reach the Chateau quickly enough. And by quickly enough, it means he got there five minutes late, not early.

Rule Two: Compliment her after you get in the car.

She tossed him the keys to the Twinkie from across the hood, not giving him the chance to open the door for her, and it wasn't until they were setting off down the road that he remembered the next piece of advice he was given.

Side-eyeing her in his peripheral vision, he tried to find something to compliment her on specifically rather than the general compliments about her being pretty that she never fully believes when he says them. He was intending to say something about the skirt she had on, but when he chanced a glance over at her, she caught him and asked—

"What is it?"

Sent into panic mode, JJ blurted out instead, "I like your shoes."

He could've bashed his face against the steering wheel twenty times right then and there at the utter absence of reaction on her part for the next few uncomfortable seconds. It wasn't that it was a bad compliment. She appreciates any compliments at all...but her shoes were hidden from his view. Not to mention, they were the dirty, mustard yellow converse that the Pogues bash on a daily basis.

She laughed, lifting her leg to expose the sneaker on her right foot, and asked, "These? Dude, you roast me for these all the time. You and John B said they look like Big Bird shit on them."

The skin on the apples of his cheeks scorched hot with embarrassment, and he was never so glad that the overhead lights in the van were burnt out until that moment. He would've died on the spot if she saw him blush like that, face flushed pinker than sunburn. All he could do to save himself was murmur something about the color growing on him and keep driving in the direction of the theater with his hands white-knuckling the steering wheel he fantasized about banging his face into.

Rule Three: Insist on picking up the check.

In this case, it meant insist on buying the popcorn and drinks, and he miraculously managed to drop his wallet somewhere along the way when he ran over to the Chateau, so when he stepped up to the makeshift concession stand with her standing at his side, he felt around for his wallet in his jeans to no avail.

His thoughts echoed back to him, You gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously? Is this actually happening right now?

"JJ, it's honestly fine," she said softly as he leaned over to search back of the Twinkie for the wallet. "We can look for it on your street right now if you want. It has your ID and stuff, you don't want a stranger to have that. We don't need to stay—"

It took all of his control to not shout it in reaction when he said, "No way. You've been waiting for this, and Kie ditched you, so I ain't ditching you too. We're staying."

His wallet could go kick rocks.

He came too far to be dragged down by the old leathery piece of shit anyway. Would he go out and search for it tirelessly the second the date ended? Hell yeah, that fucker had twenty dollars and his debit card in it, but he couldn't bear the thought of abandoning her or ruining her anticipated movie night by taking her out to search the streets with their phone flashlights for a wallet they might not find. He'd wait till the movies ended, take her home, then haul ass around the Cut searching for it after.

Thankfully, he found a couple bucks crumbled up in his front pocket while she scavenged for coins in the glove compartment, and they came up with enough to buy a water bottle and small popcorn to share together.

Rule Four: Don't have sex on the first date.

And it may sound easy enough to not act like a complete Neanderthal for the length of two movies, but the girl makes it pretty damn difficult if he's to say so himself.

That's what led him here, laying in the back of the sideways-parked Twinkie in the farthest corner of the outdoor theater with her practically on top of him. In any other instance, he wouldn't be opposed in the slightest, but with the cursed fourth rule in mind, he isn't too thrilled with the feeling of her hand rubbing up and down his thigh.

It isn't even meant to be sexual. They're constantly touching one another this way. She'll even slip her hands up under his shirt just to feel the warmth of his skin or when he asks her if she can get an itch on a part of his back he can't reach, but for some reason his brain is short circuiting right now.

The thing is, when Kie and Pope said he shouldn't do it on the first date, they meant it for his and Steph's made up circumstances, not his and Y/N's full-blown relationship without labels. When you've had sex with someone as many times as they have with each other, the hesitancy on the "first date" is nonexistent. It doesn't matter. But JJ, trying to follow the advice given to him to the letter for the sake of being the date she deserves, doesn't think about it that way.

It shouldn't be this nerve-wracking. They've been best friends since they were children, they've been flirting since they found out what basic attraction was in the first place, and they've been forming this relationship ever since John B died. Why can't he relax? Why is this so different compared to how easy it felt between them yesterday on the beach or today at lunch?

Rule Five: Be yourself.

It takes him another few moments of laying here with her before he realizes quite abruptly what went wrong in a quick flash of a thought that brings the fifth rule back to him. The problem wasn't the bike, or the weird compliment about her Big Bird sneakers, or the lost wallet.

The problem is him. The problem is that he's trying way too hard to make this something it isn't. The part about them that he adores so dearly is how they never have to try when they're together. With any other girl or guy, they'd have to fake something or act a certain way, yet when they're together, they can simply exist and everything is runs smoothly. That's not to say they don't disagree or bump heads, they do, but short of those outlier moments, it's easier than anything else they do in life.

His eyes flicker away from the screen for the first time since the movie began, which, by the way, is gruesome enough at times that he had to divert his eyes to prevent himself from seeing it happen. They land on where she lays, completely content with the night in spite of its mishaps, with her head propped up on the pillows they brought from the Chateau.

He wonders if she can tell he's acting differently. Surely she must notice. She's the type of person that typically never misses a thing, perfect for the gold hunt they went on in the summer with picking up the clues and helping her brother unravel the mystery, so maybe she noticed how flustered this date has him. Does it bother her? Does he bother her?

With a confirming glance back up at the movie to see nothing important happening, he can't fight the urge to speak anymore.

"Can I tell you something?"

His voice appearing through the darkness of the shut off van after spending the past half hour in complete silence makes her jolt at first before realizing who it was. Though she loves horror movies, she can't claim to not be affected by them. The night she falls asleep after watching one, she often finds herself compelled to turn a light on and keep her feet from dangling off the edge of the bed. It's worth the fear, though.

When she turns to look at JJ, there's a warm smile on her face. She's cuddled into his side with a hand placed casually atop his thigh, caressing with no purpose or intent, and her movement halts when the light from the movie on the projector allows her to see the expression on his face.

Anxiety has become an increasingly significant presence in his life with the recent events in mind; John B and Sarah, the four-hundred million dollars they lost out on, and dodging his father whenever he sneaks home to switch out the backpack of clothes and personal belongings he keeps at the Routledge house.

It manifests itself in jittery nerves, stomach pains, shortness of breath, and, at worst, panic attacks striking either at random or in response to a specific trigger. It's one of the few things he still tries to hide from her, and she tries not to push him too hard with opening up about it.

She abandons the movie for the time being and rolls onto her side to face him, upper body propped up on her elbow as she examines his face with downturned features.

"Of course," she says.

The words left unsaid are, "You can tell me anything. Whenever you need someone to listen, or to talk to about shit, you can tell me." He's heard her say it enough that he doesn't need to hear it now to know it's true.

There's a pause, then—

"I feel like I fucked this entire date up," he starts to ramble and cuts her off before she can think about saying what she wants to, "and I know it's okay to you. You have way too high of a tolerance for my bullshit, and I've been trying so hard to make this perfect, but all that did was screw it up."

She's left quiet for a second, taking it all in.

Maybe if he hadn't been so anxious about it, he would've realized what was wrong with his bike when he rode it home from school, or he would've noticed his wallet fall out of his pocket. The point is, he wishes he hadn't let the label attached to this freak him out so much. He isn't sure why it does, but it does.

But she doesn't do what he expects. She isn't drowning him in reassurances and, "It's okay's" because she knows he doesn't care for them much. When he, the most stubborn person she knows, apologizes for something he did, he doesn't want it to turn into the person accepting the apology coddling him.

Y/N sighs.

"Is that why you've been acting so different all night? I scared you with the whole ‘date’ thing, didn't I? It doesn't have to be a date if you don't want it to be."

What she doesn't know is that he wants it to be a date. He wants it to be a date so badly, he risked Pope and Kie finding them out for the sake of getting some proper advice on it, and now he's caught up in the same game of tug and war in his mind that always occurs when he wants to tell her the truth about his feelings for her.

Part of him doesn't understand why he doesn't outright say it. With every other girl he once showed interest in, he had no issues in letting them know he wanted them, but this is different. This isn't simply wanting someone, he thinks he's fallen for her. But whenever he says he's gonna grow a pair and tell her after all this time, he chokes. Involuntarily, he's reminded of his parents. Other than his friends saying it platonically, the only people to tell him they loved him were them, and with how they treated him, he sure as hell doesn't think that is love.

From his dad's brutal physical abuse to his mom's abandonment, he's too timid to tell her he loves her because of what could happen if she loves him back. Everyone else that has said that to him has either hurt him, died like John B did, or abandoned him.

He won't let that happen with him and Y/N. What they have, albeit undefined and codependent, is safe. It's the only thing he has left. Maybe it isn't right, and maybe he should open up about it to communicate the correct way, but somewhere in the misshapen logic of his mind, he correlates love to abandonment. And he doesn't want that to happen with her.

There are two sides of him at battle inside his mind. One side, the side that wants to do right by their relationship and actually communicate his feelings for once in his life, wants him to tell her everything. The other side, the side that responds based on the history of his past, wants him to hide it all.

"Will you be mad at me if we don't call it a date?" he asks.

She shakes her head.

The heavy sensation inside of JJ's chest nears a point of vitriolic violence against him as he starts to realize what he's doing to her, clearly letting her down, but he can't stop himself. Like a passive witness watching himself from outside of his body, the instantaneous trauma response to the sudden confrontation of his true feelings for her guides his actions without his permission. It shuts down any protest he has.

The sound of the movie fills the gap of silence between them the entire time. It’s a variety of bloodcurdling screams and disgusting sounds that would've made him gag if he weren't as distracted.

They can make out each other's faces through the darkness, but barely. It takes a flash of bright color from the film or a nearby car's lights turning on for them to fully see one another. Without the other knowing, they both put masks of calm and collected coolness on their faces despite the feelings raging beneath the surface—more so on his part than hers.

"Maybe," he says, pausing, "we should just keep things the way they've been."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, a soul-crushing amount of disappointment weighs her down. She said it was fine if he doesn't want it to be a date—and it is, she would never hold it against him—but that doesn't mean it can't hurt her. Things have been going so well, she almost thought...If tonight went well, she was thinking about no longer keeping it a secret, but if he said he wants things to stay the same, then maybe he isn't as ready for it as she is?

Meanwhile, JJ is on another page entirely.

She's embarrassed of being with you, a familiar voice in the back of his head croons. She's gonna leave just like everyone else does. If she doesn't even wanna tell your friends, why should you pretend you're dating?

The internal comments are the type that cause him to physically grimace when he's alone. Intrusive thoughts are just that: intrusive.

Sneaking into the guarded sanctuary of a person's mind, they set out to convince them the opposite of their reality. The only thing is, where most people's minds are guarded sanctuaries with walls of impregnable defense, his mind is the equivalent of a fortress blown to smithereens. The castle walls lay in rubble, the guards no where to be seen, and the path for these thoughts to slip past and straight to the vulnerability of his mind is left wide open.

In the privacy of his room, these thoughts attack him the most at night when he tries to fall asleep—when things get too quiet. With nobody around, when they get this bad there's nothing he can do except break down. It builds from the mere anxiety of attempting to force the thoughts away to full-blown panic attack mode. The more he resists them, the more aggressive they become. He'll gasp for air with tears streaming down his face, hitting his head with the heel of his hand as if that'd do something to stop his relentless mind.

But he can't afford to react in front of her, so the extent of his reaction is a subtle twitch of his face that she cannot see in the momentary darkness before the movie switches to another scene a second later. In a way, it does make the thoughts go away to have her here preventing him from spiraling alone. Having to focus on her keeps his mind away for moments at a time until the thoughts ease their grip on him.

When she hasn't answered for a while, he asks, terrified that he did something bad, "Are we good?"

The question seems to wake her up, snapping her out of the lonely direction her thoughts went into when he "rejected" her. It takes every bit of common sense she has left to force herself to understand that this doesn't mean he doesn't want her. He does, and not calling this a date doesn't mean they won't be together in the way they have been since John B's death, but she isn't perfect. She gets as unsure and insecure as he does.

As if the cloud of doom was lifted off of her, she makes her face lighten where she lays on her side next to him. Seeing this expression makes his chest feel less heavy, and he could let out a sigh of relief at the realization that he didn't break her heart and stomp on it. He should've known. Y/N is the sweetest person he knows, so she never would've flipped shit over him not wanting to label this as a date. That's not how she is.

And he's partly right. It isn't how she is. She would never hold it against him if he didn't want something further with her since she got herself into this position by pursuing him with his reputation with girls in mind, but she can't ignore it. Whether she wants it to or not, it had its affect on her as soon as he said it.

She leans in to kiss him, their lips meeting in the middle with the faint taste of popcorn salt mingling at the soft peck.

When she pulls away, she brushes the hair back from his face and says, "Don't worry. Nothing can change how I feel about you."

She has no clue what it feels like to hear that from her.

Despite the turmoil they unknowingly share beneath the surface due to this conversation, he could cry hearing her say it. It doesn't feel real to him that she feels the same way he does about her, because nothing could change how he feels about her either. That’s why he manages to work up the courage to repeat it back to her, and, for now, this is the closest he's physically capable of coming to telling her the truth.

"Ditto," he says.

It isn't what she wanted, but it's close enough, and if she dwells on this any longer, she might start getting too emotional and let the urge to tear up become too strong. Why does she have to be this sensitive? It's no secret that it's remarkably easy to make her cry, but this is insane to her. When all of this began with him, she didn't give a shit about him not wanting a label. She understood him, and she understood that he doesn't do this kind of thing, so why has it changed? Why doesn't she want to keep it a secret anymore? Why does she want this to be a date when she knows he doesn't want it to be?

Pulled by an invisible string back to him to silence her mind, she leans in to kiss him again with a hand cupping the back of his neck to guide him the rest of the way to her.

It shouldn't be laced with any sexual intention. She should be kissing him simply because she wants to, and, in a way, she is. Their kisses and touches are never lacking the motivation that is their underlying connection and mutual feelings for one another, but this is not the same. As he kisses her back with as much confidence and passion as always, she is reeling from the conversation that reminded her too much of a breakup.

It takes another minute of this for the kiss to heat up, their breathing becoming shallower in the moments they part to inhale, and she is undeniably the one instigating when she officially crosses the line between casual and sexual by crawling onto his lap. It's not hard for him to pick up on when their innocent moments take a turn. She's easy to read in that regard, and this has happened a multitude of times with them, so the shift of a mini make out session turning into something more is nothing out of the ordinary for them.

If he knew how shaken she is on the inside, he'd never want this. And the same would go for her if she knew what he was thinking before this. Neither of them wants to admit what they're feeling.

With her legs seated on either side of his hips, she kisses him like it's the last time she'll ever get the opportunity to. Her hands wander wherever they can, pulling at his shirt and feeling him up as his hands guide her hips to move against his in a steady grinding that she has no issue partaking in. It's an eagerness he hasn't seen from her in weeks. She's never un-excited when it comes to being physical with him either, but this is another level. The last time a girl was all over him like this, it was desperate touron at a party a few months ago.

In the span of time it takes her to glance over her shoulder to see if anyone could see them and reach to pull her skirt up until it bunches around her hips—no one can see them, by the way, since they got here late and were forced to cram the van into the back corner of the lot with no street lights illuminating the path—his brows raise at her presumptuous behavior. Not that he's one to complain, however, seeing as he's typically the one doing what she is.

Their next kiss clashes their teeth hard enough to make them wince, but he loves it. It makes him smirk into her parted mouth, alive with both the feeling her reassurance provided and the fuzzy-headed high that often finds him when they're together in this way. Incomparable to past flings or the high related to any drugs, she is the peak of everything to him. It's no contest.

His chest stutters against hers with a bout of amused laughter, asking within a brief pause in what feels like the most JJ thing he's said this awkward night, "Two for two in the Twinkie. What's gotten into you?"

Y/N's hand dips between where their bodies move together to unclasp the closed buckle of his belt in one smooth motion that has it falling apart with a clinking noise.

Her features are set with a look that tells him she means business. Whatever it is that sparked this, he wonders how the fuck to make it happen again another time. She's begged for it before, but never taken control so dominantly, and he can't deny what the role reversal does to him. The evidence is obvious in the distinct hardness she feels pressing up against the hand undoing his jeans.

"I was hoping it'd be you," she says, voice breathless and airy from the constant contact in a way that makes it ten times hotter for him.

If there were any chance of him not being in the mood prior to this, which wasn't the case anyway, it's gone now. He never wants to hear her say she doesn't deliberately try to tease him ever again.

He doesn't need to be told twice.

JJ surges forward to capture her mouth with his, this time with no intention of pulling away to breathe or speak again. No, he'll let himself get lightheaded and dizzy if it means he can stay with her for as long as possible.

With the circumstances of it all, them being visible to someone if they happened to pass by the open door of the van, they move at a pace quicker than usual. She's immediately helping him shimmy his jeans and underwear far enough down his hips to free his dick from the confines of his clothes, making him sigh out a breath of relief when her hand brushes against him in the process.

There's no opportunity to slow down, it has exploded into a full-throttle speed race that neither of them can halt.

His hand blindly flies out beside him to grope the floor of the van for the set of keys he tossed carelessly to the side once the movie started, eyes shut in the midst of the hot, messy kiss they share. His fingers find the fabric of one of the blankets they brought in case they got cold, then drifts again and lands on her Big Bird sneakers until he feels the sharp metal of her keys meet his calloused palm.

After the events of last summer, she bought a switch blade to keep on her key ring alongside the keys to the van, HMS Pogue, and Chateau. She may not like violence or weapons, seeing as she was a skeptic of JJ keeping the gun alongside her friends, but she saw it necessary. Between Rafe, Topper, and Kelce, how could she leave the safety of her and her friends up to chance knowing what some of the kooks did to them not long ago? What happened to Pope on the golf course alone was enough to make her skin crawl.

Right now, though, the knife flips out from the pressure of his thumb pushing the button to release it. He holds it out away from her at first to assure it doesn't nick her in the process, then uses his other hand to tug the side of her panties that hugs her hip far out enough to press the sharp side of the blade onto the inside of it.

She can hardly believe what she's watching as JJ cuts the delicate maroon underthings from her body as if he were doing something so normal, like it's something he's done before. Her forehead is pressed against his, her mouth parted both in shock and in a need to pant for oxygen, and she watches the knife ruin her favorite panties. The stitches come apart with a satisfying ripping noise that can hardly be heard over the sound of people reacting to the movie in the background.

Other customers of the Cherry Bowl Drive-In are too glued to the screen as a beloved character is chased down, reacting in shouts when she's seized by the killer and shoved onto the table of an industrial bread slicer, so they remain wholly unnoticed.

The lace, now ripped in half, dangles on the tip of the knife when he lifts it away from her, tosses it aside, and presses the button once more to retract the blade. It clatters to the floor, but is in no way forgotten with them resuming in a desperation to keep going until they both satisfy the need clawing at them from the inside. But her sense of need is different from his, and even with the fresh memory of him with the switch blade in mind, she's still somewhere else the whole time.

Her mind is faraway, muted through layers of sadness, anger, and disappointment as he reaches between them to line himself up to her entrance. The sensation of him running his cock, hard and messy with a few drops of precome, through her dripping pussy to coat it in her slick arousal is enough to make her moan pathetically. Yet when he's about to guide himself inside of her, she stops him.

"Wait, wait, wait," she breathes out rapidly, heart pounding so hard she can feel herself pulsating between her thighs, "Condom."

They were so antsy to get to it, they almost forgot.

"Fuck," he curses under his breath, and his eyes flicker from where they were trained between their bodies to glance back and forth around the van before it hits him. "I lost my wallet..."

But right when he thinks their public rendezvous in the back of the Drive-In is over due to his unfortunate mistake, she shakes her head and slips away from her perch astride his lap to crawl over to her bag.

She fumbles with the old tote bag and plunges her arm in to sift through the hodge podge of things that are purely Y/N in nature—stickers, glitter pens, a half-eaten bag of candy, etc—for the square foil package she decided to toss in before she left just in case. She usually doesn't keep them on her because he never fails to have one, but, thankfully, she had the random instinct to bring it tonight.

The only thing to bring her out of her cloudy, malevolent storm of feelings when she settles back onto his lap with the condom wrapper ripped open for him is him saying, "So you planned this, huh?" with his mouth tipped in a familiar self-satisfied grin.

She didn't plan it. In fact, she threw herself at him the second she sensed him withdrawing from her and can't stop herself despite the fact that she constantly feels two seconds away from letting a tear slip down her cheek. If that counts as "planning it", then sure.

"Maybe so," she answers, cool, calm, and collected—the antithesis of the truth.

They usually don't lie to each other.

They're thrown right back into it without any other hiccups once he rolls the condom on, and he takes in a shaky breath at her hand wrapping around him to align their bodies up. Before she can do anything, though, he takes chance to swipe the blanket he found a moment ago and wrap it around her back to keep her covered in case they get caught.

Y/N sinks down onto his cock with her lip caught between her teeth to stifle the sound that threatens to escape. JJ, on the other hand, doesn't bother concealing the sound of the groan he makes at the sensation of having her wrapped around him like this. The tension in her entire body from the anticipation and the looming threat of being seen by someone has her squeezing him so tightly, he can't help but be a little louder than he should.

Her soft palm slaps over his mouth with enough pressure to force his groan to quiet itself, and she watches his pretty blue eyes widen in reaction to the dominant action. Who is this girl and what has she done with his sweet, submissive Y/N? Don't get him wrong, he is very turned on by it, but it's unlike her to take the lead this way. He can't figure it out.

"What's wrong, angel?" she asks in a whisper into his ear, her hand over his mouth and her hips starting to slowly rock against him, "Watch the movie."

Once the words leave her mouth, she drops her hand, just in case he wants to stop and can't say anything because she had his mouth covered, and JJ is pretty sure he's died and gone to heaven.

He doesn't watch the movie, not at all, because he's too busy watching her. For someone losing their mind internally, she does not let it show, nor does she let it distract her from what's happening. If anything, the distraction in this situation is the sex, not what's going on inside of her head.

There's a moment of adjustment and going as slowly and gently as possible while waiting for the dull pressure of feeling him inside of her to fade away, but, for the most part, she doesn't waste any time. As soon as she feels comfortable enough with the ache between her thighs giving way to a spark of pleasure when she grinds her clit down on his pubic bone, she starts to ride him at a better pace than the initial slow movements of her hips.

She raises herself up and takes him again inch by inch, enjoying the sense of fullness she gets from having to fit him in spite of the slight discomfort at first, and she could swear that he'll leave bruises in the shape of his handprints with how tightly he clutches her hips. It's all he can do to prevent himself from moaning or saying something, ever the vocal lover she's come to know.

Unless his mouth is preoccupied like it was on the beach yesterday afternoon, JJ is usually impossible to shut up, especially in this context. With him always whispering dirty things to her, whether it be praises, pet names, or plans on what he wants to do to her, she has come to find it breathtakingly hot. He could likely get away with saying something if he wanted to, but he isn't sure he wants to risk it. If he opens his mouth to spew something filthy to her, he won't trust himself not to make a louder, different kind of noise that won't fit in the with background audio the other moviegoers are listening to.

The wet sound of their bodies colliding that fills the space of the van is drowned out by the loud and violent sequence occurring on the screen far ahead of them, and hearing it makes her bounce herself on him a little harder. She's fueled on by it all, and, strangely, what happened before she practically pounced on him is the main contributor.

Similarly to the nature of his intrusive thoughts, the harder she resists the memory of how it felt when he told her he didn't want this to be a date, the more forceful it is in its return. Her eyes trail down to watch where they connect with her forehead pressed to his, then she's thrown back into the feeling of helpless disappointment and insecurity. His head tips back against the window with his bottom lip dropped open and his brows furrowed just enough to create a crease on his forehead, and she's bombarded with the look of relief on his face when he realized he didn't have to be tied down to her with a label.

It makes her want to get rougher, harder, and she doesn't even care if it'll make her sore later on. She presses herself down so far every time she slides down on his cock, her teeth draw blood on her lip with how hard she must bite it to remain quiet. The pain of her hipbones rubbing against his doesn't even matter to either of them at this point. They're both too lost in the pleasure that has begun to take control of them to care about something as minuscule as that, or the burn in her thighs from the repetitive physical strain.

She grabs his wrist and brings his hand between them, flattening hers overtop of it and pressing down on the base of her abdomen in the midst of the increasingly feverish thrusts.

"Feel you here," she murmurs to him through a quiet moan, hoping he can hear it over the movie, and pushes down on his hand for emphasis. And if the way he reacts by cursing under his breath tells her anything, it's that he picked up on it. "JJ..."

He reaches out to grab her by the throat with his free hand and tug her forward to kiss him, as if something inside of him snapped in response to her doing that. The motions of her jolting up and down throws the already messy and uncoordinated kiss off-kilter, but they don't mind. It has them separating every time she lifts up, producing this heady little head rush from from them breathing in each other's air without actually letting their mouths meet in the middle.

Though they're trying their hardest not to alert anyone outside of what's happening, it didn't occur to him until now, when his eyes catch John B's old bandana swinging back and forth where it's secured around the rear view mirror.

They're worried about moaning while the entire fucking Twinkie is rocking with their movements. Well, at least it makes good use of the corny sticker he gifted John B last year as a gag gift. He tried to peel it off after JJ snuck it onto the side window to no avail. So, now Y/N is stuck with a sticker on her car reading, "If the van's a-rockin', come on in, we like orgies," rather than the more common phrase.

It almost makes him start laughing, and he prays no one takes that shit seriously, 'cause he is never intent on sharing this breathtaking girl. Ever.

Y/N isn't anywhere near laughing like he is, in fact, she's finding it difficult to keep herself together. She feels her eyes sting with the promise of tears, and she's never felt so pathetic before. Is she seriously about to cry during sex? Is she really that girl that is so ill-equipped to handle rejection, she can't get through it without tears?

She won't cry. Perhaps if he sees how glossy her eyes have become in a rare moment of good lighting, she can blame it on the hand around her throat putting pressure on the sides of her neck.

The worst part about her being near to crying is the timing of it.

The emotion of what she feels mentally mixes with the swirling, building sensation she feels in the pit of her stomach that tells her she's close to going over the edge, and it's so overwhelming. Was she imagining that their friendship had changed? More importantly, is this all she'll ever be to him? Sex is the only thing she's sure of with him, it's the only thing that doesn't require deeper emotions, and when the ground beneath their fragile relationship felt shaky...

He can feel her starting to unravel, and he knows that he'll come before she does if he doesn't do anything now, so he decides to take control.

JJ pulls the hand he had resting on her abdomen away as though he were burned by it, wrapping his arm around her waist to steady her body against his and using the hand around her neck for leverage to thrust up into her, effectively reducing her to a teary-eyed, moaning mess atop him. They both stopped caring about making noise the second he began to fuck her like this.

She cries out in ecstasy at the sudden change in pace and depth that has him hitting all the right places. Every time he thrusts up into her, just as rough as she wished for, the tip of his cock nudges into that perfect spot inside of her that makes her incapable of silencing her moans. This time, it's JJ that puts his hand over her mouth, letting the one he had around her neck move away to keep her from alerting everyone around them of what's happening.

There's nothing she can do to stop her climax as it barrels through her in its initial sweeping wave of bliss to contrast the venomous doubts in her mind. She's never felt such conflicting, yet powerful feelings before—the intensity of the physical pleasure that makes her whine into the palm of his hand, then the part of her mind replaying every word he said in their conversation before this.

Her body is rigid and tense through it all, squeezing down around his cock with the involuntary spasms of her orgasm, and he can't help himself anymore. All it takes are a few more frantic thrusts for him to bury himself inside of her one last time and spill into the condom, uncovering her mouth so he can drown out his own groans into a kiss.

Their skin sticks to their clothes on the inside with sweat from the exertion of their actions, and he can feel her stomach tremble where it presses up against his with each undulation of her hips that meet his as he rides it out.

But even with the added distraction of the sex, she can't rid herself of the feeling that started plaguing her as soon as things went awry. That was why he was acting weird all night. He must have been so worried about her thinking this was anything more than their typical hangouts that he couldn't bring himself to act normally.

She forces herself to look happy when they pull away from the kiss, panting, and JJ, unaware of what she's been thinking, doesn't notice the small deception.

Tag list: @gabiatthedisco

[ratmonky]

Blockbuster

Word Count: 3.6K

Warnings: dub-con, obsession

AO3 Link

“This week’s movie is…” you paused for the dramatic effect and met each one of your club members’ eyes before pulling out the DVD case from your bag. “Sweet Blossoms!”

Everyone groaned.

“Hey!” you laughed, putting the movie down on the desk. A gorgeous smile tugged at your lips. “It’s my turn so I get to choose!”

“You always choose the worst ones,” your classmate mumbled. “I’m sick of watching romantic comedies. Besides, this is one of the last times we’ll watch a movie in our club.”

Yeah, the graduation was close.

You pouted, giving one person, in particular, the puppy eyes. “Junpei,” you said. “Tell them something, you’re the president.”

Junpei chuckled nervously when you put him on the spot like that. “Haha, I… We made a promise to let one of us choose a movie each week, we should keep our promise.”

“I’m not watching that,” the other club member said. “We’re here to watch movies we appreciate, not whatever dumpster trash you like.”

Although the other two members were being mean, they were right.

“Guys,” Junpei was unsure to say something. He could see how your smile vanished, your shoulders slackened as you flipped the DVD to its back so you wouldn’t need to see the cover title. “It’s her turn to choose.”

“Nevermind,” you uttered, putting the DVD back in your bag. “They’re right. I was being selfish. You can skip my turn.”

“But-”

“Great! I rented Pulp Fiction yesterday and brought it with me.” Your classmate dove his hand inside his bag to fish out the DVD.

Junpei noticed the way your lower lip trembled and you pressing your lips together to hide it. When your gaze met him, you forced a smile on your face, mouthing that it was alright.

You were just like him.

He got up from his seat to sit next to you as your classmate put the movie in the DVD player. It was nothing unusual, most of you sat together to make small comments during a movie.

You pushed your stuff on the desk to the side so he could have some space to put his bag.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, the movie had already started.

“There’s no reason for you to apologize,” you softly stated, leaning closer to keep your voice down and not disturb the movie. “It was my fault.”

“Still, we gather here to watch movies our members enjoyed. We’re not actual film critics or anything.” He was trying not to lower his gaze to your chest. One of the buttons had come undone on your shirt, he could see your bra. “Next week is my turn, I can rent the movie you wanted to watch so we can watch it. They won’t complain then.”

Your eyes widened and he could swear that he saw them sparkle. A second later, you dropped your gaze to your lap to fidget with your fingers. “Nevermind, it’ll cause trouble. It’s passive-aggressive and I don’t wanna cause trouble for anyone. Nobody wanna watch the movie I chose anyway.”

“I do,” he whispered, cheeks flushing. While you weren’t looking he had gotten a chance to peek inside your shirt.

Lifting your head, you looked up at him with the prettiest and the most genuine smile he had ever seen. “Really?”

He nodded in affirmation, “We can watch it together after school if y-you wanna.”

“Shh!” The oldest club member turned and pointed two fingers at you and then to his eyes. “No flirting in the losers club.”

Both of you got quiet and it took you a long moment before leaning closer to tell Junpei something.

“So, where will we watch the movie?”

That was how he ended up bringing you to his place. You awkwardly sat on his bed and he tried to stop his shaking hands.

“I wish I had a television in my room too,” you said, starting a conversation to ease the mood. “You’re so lucky, Jun!”

Calling him nicknames like that… you were trying to make him delirious. “I-it’s nothing, it’s some old thing I got from second hand.”

“Still!”

He heard a rustling sound. Once he was done with putting the movie in the DVD player, he whipped his head around to check what you were doing.

His breathing almost stopped when he saw you laying on his bed and checking your phone. You were moving your legs up on the air as you scrolled down some social media platform. Your skirt wasn’t long enough to cover the supple flesh of your thighs, they were squished together and because you were laying on your chest, the skirt’s fabric was relaxed on your ass, leaving not much to the imagination.

Junpei gulped audibly and averted his gaze. “The movie.” That was all he managed to say.

You hummed and sat up on his bed as he took a place next to you. He couldn’t understand why you were so careless, didn’t you think of him as a man?

No, you were purely naive. Not at all aware of the real dangers of the world. Not at all aware of what kind of thoughts about you went through his mind every single day.

The movie opened with the female lead who from her first appearance stated that she was the manic pixie dream girl getting some flowers from a secret admirer despite having a boyfriend.

It was simply trash. That was the only way he could describe the storyline or the mood of the movie.  On his own, under any condition, Junpei wouldn’t pick this garbage up and sit through it but since you wanted to watch it… he had to endure it.

You, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy the movie. Hands on your lap, gasping every now and then when the male lead encouraged the female lead to dump her boyfriend with his shitty compliments.

He found it kind of amusing to watch you react to the movie rather than watch it himself. Soon enough his gaze dropped to your lap. Under the skirt were your bare legs and you were sitting on his bed. Your ass was placed on his bed. The thought of your panties touching the sheets of his bed made his thoughts go south. If you got wet right now, you could soak his sheets.

Slowly, you shifted on his bed, getting in a more comfortable position to watch the movie. Unbeknownst to you, he had a better view of your cleavage now, it was only natural that he couldn’t look away. As vulnerable you were, he was still a man and like any other man, Junpei couldn’t stop himself from fantasizing.

What color panties were you wearing? If he lifted your skirt up to check, would you be surprised? You wouldn’t push him away, that was for sure. You came here all on your own after all, laying on his bed like that and looking like this… There was no doubt you were basically inviting him to fuck you.

The credits rolled sooner than he would have wanted.

You stretched your arms over your head and let out a soft groan. “Thank you, Jun.”

“For what?” He got up from his bed to take the DVD out from the player.

“For watching this with me. I’m so lucky to have a friend like you!” A friend, huh? He thought of you more than a friend but you were probably playing hard to get. The two of you were the same, you just had to be embarrassed to admit your feelings for him. Yeah, that had to be it.

“I liked the movie.” Liar. He didn’t watch it.

Silence.

“I should get going,” you sighed, retrieving your bag and jacket from the floor.

By the time you stood up, Junpei was holding the DVD case towards you. “I hope you had fun.”

“I did.” You smiled, taking it from him. “Thank you again.”

Junpei was languidly nodding, lost in his own thoughts.

As soon as you left his room and apartment, Junpei hurried back to his room. Getting on his knees, he pressed his face into the exact spot you sat on for two full hours. He took a deep inhale, filling his lungs to their limit.

So this was your scent.

Unbuckling his belt, he kept inhaling the smell of your pussy absorbed on his sheets. He was already impossibly hard, if it weren’t for the way he was slouching when you were beside him, you would definitely notice.

His hand wrapped around his cock and he stroked it from the base to the tip, using your smell and his own fantasies about you as his material for today.

Oh, how he wished he could smell you directly.

~~~

The next day, he couldn’t look you in the eye during the club meeting to talk about the movie everyone watched yesterday.

While you were debating with the two other members about how although the cinematography and the dialogue were great you didn’t enjoy the excessive amount of cursing.

“You just don’t understand cinema,” one of them grumbled.

“Couldn’t agree more, I mean… Do you even watch anything other than your weird romance movies?” The other one grinned.

“Let’s not take it too far,” Junpei mumbled, his words went unheard.

“I didn’t say anything bad about the movie,” you argued. “It was well written but the dialogue was too vulgar for my taste.”

“And since when do you have taste?”

Laughter.

“Yeah, she’s such a scatterbrained normie.”

“Guys.” Junpei stood up on his seat to stop the hassle.

“At least I’m not a pathetic loser.” It slipped. As if you had been wanting to say it out loud for so long. “You know that this is why nobody likes any of you, right?”

It became silent.

Junpei sat back on his chair and the other two who had been grinning from ear to ear as they were teasing you frowned.

You clapped a hand over your mouth, realizing what you had said but the deed was done.

“Sorry.” Mumbling, you gathered your stuff and left the clubroom.

~~~

Getting bullied wasn’t the worst part. It was the way other people treated him because he was getting bullied.

People looked at him with pity, sometimes talked to him because they wanted to include him. They were all doing these things to feel better about themselves. It was never about him.

He could let the cigarette burns, all the times he got beaten and the countless lies others spread about him slip but not the fake kindness.

He hated the fakes.

~~~

It was two days after the incident when you finally decided to approach Junpei before he exited the school garden.

“Hey, Jun.”

A shiver rose up his spine and he stopped walking momentarily. “(name), good to see you.” He turned around to face you but you were looking down onto the pavement. You didn’t want to look him in the face.

“Yeah...” You took a deep breath to calm your senses before speaking. “I just wanted to apologize for the other day. I didn’t mean any of the things I said.”

He said nothing.

“I’m really sorry about it, I was being bitter because of the way they talked to me but I shouldn’t have reacted that way.”

He proceeded to stay quiet, though you had a lot to say to him, it was impossible to find the courage or the words to speak when he was being like this. However, you came prepared for anything.

Reaching inside your bag, you pulled out a DVD case with a movie title Junpei had been looking forward to watching. You had heard him talk about it nonstop for months until it got released recently. He couldn’t get his hands on the DVD itself because of how the movie was always rented out but now, you were holding it.

“Wanna watch it together? My treat.”

How could he possibly say no?

“Okay.”

Your nerves eased when he put on a smile.

Thankfully, the walk to his place was short. In his room, you took off your jacket and grabbed the DVD case to put it on yourself. “I tipped the cashier a couple of extra bucks to get my hands on this,” you giggled and turned on his television with the remote control, the player lit up instantly.

“You didn’t have to.”

“Well, it’s just my way of apologizing, don’t sweat it!” Pressing the button for the disc slot, you opened the case to grab the CD. “Besides, I wanted to watch this for a long time too.”

He could tell you were lying but he wasn’t sure if you were trying to be nice to him out of pity or not. Gradually, he realized he couldn’t put you in a box. You two were alike. Exactly like him, you didn’t know where you fit in but he started to get an idea about where might fit in just fine.

As you were standing with the remote control in your hands and waiting for the movie title to show up on the screen, a set of hands were placed on your hips, making you flinch.

“Jun?”

Junpei couldn’t help but press himself against you, his hands on your hips moved to your stomach, and grabbed the remote control out of your grasp. He threw the device to the side.

“Jun?” you tried calling him again, not realizing he needed a hug this badly. “Are-are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he replied, you felt him bury his face into your hair and heard him take a sniff. His hands moved in different ways. One slid up to cup your breast over your shirt and the other slid down your stomach.

“Um, if you wanna hug me, I can face you. This position is… weird....” You merely comprehended that he wasn’t hugging you when his hand soothed the fabric of your skirt and went under it to grab you by your pussy.

Your thighs pressed together at the same time a surprised gasp left your lips. His hand was pushing you towards him as he was pressing against you, urging you to feel everything.

“Wait,” you tried to say, but when his hips snapped forward it broke into another gasp. A finger pressed on your slit over the fabric of your panties, he dragged it up while his hand harshly groped your breast.

“W-what are you doing?”

“What do you think?” Junpei nosed some hair out of his way and placed his lips on your nape, grazing his lips on the sensitive skin before moving to kiss your neck. “I thought you were here to spend time with me.” His teeth nibbled on the thin flesh and your legs turned to jelly.

“B-but the movie.”

Hooking a finger under the elastic on the edge of your panties, he pulled them to the side and let his middle finger slip inside.

“We can watch it later.”

“Jun, wait.” You squirmed and tried to move away from his fingers but you were trapped. If you moved backward you were going to press harder against his erection and moving forward meant his finger going deeper inside you. The latter was the worst option, so you moved your hips away from his hand.

What you hadn’t calculated was the way you were rocking back on forth with Junpei as he was grinding his clothed cock against the soft flesh of your ass. When you pressed yourself against him harder, it didn’t leave any more space for you to move away from his fingers.

Thanks to your dumb decision, Junpei had you right where he wanted.

“You’re so cute, always trying to act smarter than you actually are,” he whispered, lips brushing against your neck. “When you left that day after we watched your stupid movie, I jerked off to you.”

His hand on your breast moved between your bodies and placed on the front of his pants. He tugged them down while drawing small circles on your neck with his tongue and two of his fingers thrust inside your slick heat.

“I shoved my nose into the exact spot you sat to inhale your scent.”

The revelation of what he did after you left made you tremble. His hot and wet tongue pressed flat against the side of your neck and his fingers moving in a scissoring motion distracted you from his free hand guiding his cock between your legs.

“From the moment we met, I knew we were made for each other, (name).”

Nevertheless the awkward positioning, he slipped his fingers out of you and moved to grab your leg from the back of your knee. He lifted your leg until his cock had enough space to move and his hips surged forward.

A panicked sound left your lips when his cock moved between your folds rather than going inside like he had planned.

Before you could struggle, he pulled his hips back and thrust forward, angling his hips in the right direction. This time, it was a success.

Both of you moaned in unison.

Junpei buried his face into your neck and groaned loudly to the sensation of your warm cunt. Your gummy walls were sucking him right in. He couldn’t help slamming his hips into your pussy with a little too much force. You shook in his arms, nearly losing your balance “J-Jun,” you breathed, tone faint. “T-the movie.”

“Is that what you really want right now?” he whispered into your ear, thrusting in your cunt agitatedly.

You wanted to say something and shove him away so the two of you could focus on the movie that was playing on the screen instead but his cock stroked a sweet spot inside made you melt in his hold. You moaned instead, giving him the answer he wanted to hear.

He picked up a pace to fuck into you in a smooth motion and roughly pound into your pussy to steal cute little moans out of you. He was too lost in pleasure to be able to think. All he wanted was to feel your pussy clench around his cock.

His kisses on your neck turned into biting and you felt him lift your leg higher, launching both of you forward when you lost your balance. You managed to hold onto the TV stand while Junpei didn’t let the small accident interrupt him.

Letting go of your leg, he placed his hand on your back and pushed until you arched your back.

Now, he could thrust deeper inside you. Almost frantically, he started hammering his cock into your pussy. The impact caused you to place both hands on the furniture in front of you and hold onto it for dear life. Your clenching walls around him felt heavenly, he couldn’t stop moving his hips.

A shaky moan escaped your lips when the tip of his cock kissed your cervix. Your hands gripped the furniture and your toes curled at the sensation. At some point, your attention suddenly averted to Junpei’s wandering hands pulling your back flush against his chest as every thrust of his hips left you shaking and begging for more.

“J-Jun,” you whined.

He knew exactly what it meant. If he couldn’t tell from the neediness in your voice, he could tell it from the way your gummy walls started pulsating around his cock. Instead of picking up his pace and fucking you like an animal in heat like you thought he would do, Junpei tried to thrust deeper, stroking your sensitive spot with his cock until your vision turned white and you started rocking yourself back on Junpei’s cock. Only then his thrusts became harder, almost as if he wanted to claim you as his only.

“Can I do it inside?” Junpei didn’t need an answer but you gave him one anyway.

“Y-yeah.”

His pace suddenly slackened, he was close to his own orgasm. He pushed his cock in your pussy down to the base and you felt the slight twitch of his balls on your ass as thick spurts of seed filled your womb.

He lowly grunted, continuing to move his hips and fucking his seed into you with disgustingly wet sounds. Your legs started to shake under you, his hands on your hips were the only things keeping you standing up but once he let go of you, the support disappeared. You dropped on the floor, his cum oozed out of you and stained the carpet.

None of you said anything. Not when you were catching your breaths or when you were fixing your clothes.

It took you a full minute before you asked something so utterly idiotic. “Should I go home?”

At that exact moment, he understood why people enjoyed bullying others who were weaker than them.

“I thought you came here to watch the movie with me.” He dared to say.

You stared at him blankly, your gaze slowly turned to the movie that had been playing the whole time and a faint smile tugged at your lips as you reached for the remote control on the other side of the carpet to restart the movie.

~~~

In the next club meeting, Junpei brought the movie you had wanted to watch last week.

Although the other two groaned in unison, they sat through the entire movie once Junpei told them they owed you this.

As for you, watching the movie you had already seen a week ago was boring but the anticipation to watch another new release you had rented with Junpei after school was enough to keep you on the edge.

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Truth

Hey. Hey guys. Remember when I said I was feeling optimistic about this season? God, that was funny, wasn't it?

Let's just... Let's just get into the actual first episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Truth.

We start off with Gabriel repairing the damaged Peacock Miraculous, which also restores Duusu's sanity, before he quickly gives it a test run by transforming with both it and the Butterfly Miraculous.

And good lord, the result looks atrocious. This is the design for the new and improved Hawkmoth? First off, the peacock feather eyepatch looks stupid. Is he trying to be the Phantom of the Opera? When Mayura had the same thing, it didn't completely cover her eye and matched her color scheme. It just doesn't match with this new design here. Other than the feather, the peacock aesthetic is barely visible here. The most we get is a peacock feather pattern on the back of his jacket. And then there's the popped collar and coattails, which only look more ridiculous than menacing. What made the original Hawkmoth design work was how sleek it was. It was simplistic, which reflected Gabriel's no-nonense personality. This just looks gaudy and unnecessary. How was this right after the amazing suit the animators gave Dragonbug?

So after Gabriel designs another stupid looking outfit, we cut to Marinette, who's still trying to figure out how the Miracle Ball works. She accidentally opens it, letting the Kwamis out, who wreak havoc on her room because Marinette suffering is going to be a big part of this episode. This just raises the question: Why can't Marinette simply order them back into the box like Su-Han did, or rather, is going to do? It's still not established what gives the Guardians authority over the Kwamis in the first place.

Two of the Kwamis accidentally start a video chat with her friends, leading to some more Unfunny Marinette Slapstick. But Alya thinks something's up with her friend.

Has Marinette even told Alya she's already in a relationship? Like, at all? It feels like all Alya is there for now is to remind the audience that Marinette and Adrien are “meant to be”, even if they're both in relationships right now. It's either that, or teasing Marinette over her crush and doing nothing to help her anxiety.

Marinette accidentally ends the call, before Luka calls to thank her for the pictures of Adrien one of the Kwamis accidentally sent him. Yeah, even though he barely appears in this episode (barring his scenes at Cat Noir), they're going to talk about Adrien a lot. Marinette continues to stammer around Luka (once again making fun of people who have speech issues), but Luka, being the ray of sunshine in any abysmal episode he's in, is completely understanding of it. He also sets up a pretty funny joke.

Apparently, Marinette missed her last date with Luka yesterday to see a movie that was re-released, Crocodile Heart, that was actually Jagged Stone's first movie. I wonder if it's connected to Crocodile Dundee.

While walking to the movie, Luka and Marinette play a game finishing the lyrics of a Jagged Stone song, establishing the former as a huge fan of the rock star. Before we can actually get an on-screen kiss for Lukanette, Mr. Pigeon attacks yet again, because I guess he's the first villain Hawkmoth wants to use in his new form.

Cat Noir sneaks up on Ladybug, causing her to accidentally throw him off a building before catching him, chastising him for the stupid jokes, yet Ladybug has to apologize for missing patrol with her partner, who casually acknowledges her new status as Guardian before the two go and fight Mr. Pigeon.

By the time they defeat him, the movie ends as Marinette gets back, disappointing Luka. We then get a montage of Marinette bailing on Luka multiple times to stop Akumas and Sentimonsters. To his credit, Luka is seriously torn up by all the times Marinette leaves him, showing he isn't just a calm soul.

After Marinette gets back, Luka takes her underneath a bridge to listen to the echoing sound of the water. Luka says that he never knew his father, and he would always go here to relax whenever he got stressed. He uses this to segue into asking Marinette where she constantly disappears to. He doesn't pressure her or anything like Alya, and he even says that if she still loves Adrien, he'll understand. He only asks for the truth. Unfortunately, Marinette can't tell him the truth, which just breaks the poor boy's heart.

Hawkmoth, now calling himself Shadowmoth, sends out an Akuma and an Amok for Luka at the same time, corrupting a guitar pick signed by Jagged Stone that Marinette gave him. And again, to Luka's credit, he fights back against Shadowmoth's influence at first, saying he trusts Marinette, but the temptation of knowing the truth is too good to pass up. He tells Marinette to run before being akumatized into Truth, assisted by the Sentimonster Pharro.

Truth's design is... pretty forgettable. The guitar pick being prominent around his neck is a nice touch, but it's just a generic black bodysuit with light blue highlights, and he has a third eye instead of a visible mouth. Pharro is also pretty boring, just a giant eye that freezes people in place so Truth can use his powers to make them tell the truth.

So Truth goes back to where everyone else was hanging out before he was akumatized and asks Alya to tell him the truth about Marinette.

Yeah, he's right, Alya. That's what you believe. We're supposed to treat Alya saying Marinette loves Adrien as an unbiased source. Truth asks Rose, Mylene, Tom, and Sabine what Marinette's secret is in this episode, and they all say she's in love with Adrien. That isn't actually the truth. It's like asking an atheist if there is a God. You know what they believe is the truth, but you don't know if that answer is actually the truth. Why not have them reveal other secrets about Marinette, giving the audience subtle character details? Like the writers could make someone say stuff like she still sleeps with a nightlight on, or that she secretly gets cookies from another bakery.

You know what also would have worked? Instead, have Truth catch Marinette before she transforms into Ladybug, ask who she actually loved, and then she'll blurt out Adrien's name, shocking both her and Luka. This could also make Ladybug's confidence in herself waver throughout the episode, wondering if she actually loved Luka at all. That would have been much better drama than what we're going to get instead.

Ladybug charges in to stop Truth, but is zapped by his truth ray, meaning she'll be forced to tell the truth when asked any question. Before she can admit her identity, Cat Noir saves her by retreating with her into the Seine, before reassuring Ladybug that he wouldn't force her to tell the truth by force. It's a nice bit that does show he respects Ladybug's secret, a far cry from his behavior in episodes like “Syren” and “Frozer”. Truth turns his attention to his mother Anarka, and asks who his father is.

Yes. Seriously. This is happening. Luka's father is actually Jagged Stone. I have... mixed feelings regarding this development, but my biggest question is, well... they're doing this now? They couldn't save this for another episode? I mean, was focusing on Luka and Marinette's relationship (something that had been established since Season 2) not good enough of a plot for the writers? Why shoehorn in this plot development? Why not save this part as a teaser for a future episode? You know, have Luka walk home, and remember what he made his mother say as Truth, setting up an episode focusing on his relationship with Jagged Stone.

But no! Instead, we're just supposed to go along with the plot taking a detour. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't want Jagged Stone to appear in this episode.

Truth heads over to the hotel where Jagged Stone lives and asks him if he's actually his father, the latter admitting that Anarka was right. Truth naturally isn't happy.

Well, to be fair, it's still a better title than his first drafts, like “It's Not My Fault the Condom Broke”, or “Up Yours, I'm Not Paying the Child Support, Bitch”.

Honestly, I can get what the writers are going for, and I like the idea of them trying to give some depth to a character who was mostly used for comic relief in earlier episodes. The problem is, as much as they want to portray Jagged as regretful for walking out on his family, it still doesn't excuse him for never even bothering to check in on his children and their mother while writing a song about it. He doesn't even bother to give some money to the person he knocked up.

I'm not saying a conflicted relationship like this can't work in animation (a decent example being Steven Universe slowly growing to resent his mother for her time as Pink Diamond and believing his birth was an excuse for her to avoid responsibility), but you need to put more emotion into this. I don't come from a broken home, but if it turned out my dad was, let's say, “Weird Al” Yankovic, even if I enjoy his music, I wouldn't be happy that he decided to come back now of all times without so much as a “hello”.

Truth goes to Marinette's house/bakery, and starts looking for Marinette's diary to find out her secrets. It's almost like the minor plotline that he has a deadbeat dad was only there to eat up airtime. Ladybug is still affected by Truth's powers, and not long after she summons her Lucky Charm, Cat Noir is zapped too, so he starts asking questions that basically amount to complimenting certain qualities he and Ladybug have. When Ladybug asks him what he thinks about her being Guardian, Cat Noir says nothing's changed between them. It's a nice strategy, very reminiscent of when they had to talk in rhyme when fighting Frightengale. I'm also glad they aren't trying to play up Cat Noir not feeling as important immediately now that his partner has access to top secret information.

Cat Noir Cataclysms Pharro, but rather than destroying the Sentimonster, it causes it to go out of control, accidentally paralyzing Truth with some manipulation from her and Cat Noir. Ladybug then de-evilizes both the Akuma and Amok, defeating Truth.

Marinette struggles to find the words to explain things to Luka, but he says that he'll be waiting for her when she's ready. While walking back to his houseboat, Luka runs into Jagged Stone, who promises to write a song together with him. Because I guess Shadowmoth was kind enough of him to not erase that part of his memory. And of course, Luka just accepts this despite the fact that Jagged was absent from his entire life.

So according to this show, you shouldn't bother to give mean people a second chance, but it's okay to give your deadbeat dad a second chance without harboring any negative feelings? I'm sorry, but I just don't see the point of shoving in this subplot if you're barely going to do anything with it before coming to a resolution. If there was more detail put into it, like if Luka just angrily lashed out at Jagged for abandoning his mom, I would have been more open to it. But in the end, this major character revelation is nothing more than filler the episode doesn't need.

We cut to what I'm surprised doesn't happen at the end of every episode given how much crap she gets, Marinette crying in her bed, saying it's too dangerous to have a boyfriend thanks to Shadowmoth. One of the Kwamis apparently doesn't know what crying is, so Marinette asks them to give her a hug, and the showrunners really need to find another song to play at the end, because the upbeat song playing doesn't go with Marinette crying at all. Imagine if this song played at the end of Deep Space Nine's “In the Pale Moonlight” when Captain Sisko confessed to basically being an accessory to the murder of an alien ambassador. It'd be tonally jarring, wouldn't it?

Even the ending image doesn't feature Luka and Marinette together. Instead, he's hugging it out with Deadbeat Stone like everything's okay.

So yeah, that's how the episode ends. In case you couldn't tell, I thought it was awful.

Remember in my New York Special review, where I theorized that Astruc rewrote it to focus more on Adrienette to stop people from shipping Lukanette? I have another theory that I also want to be taken with a grain of salt. I think this episode might have also been rewritten a little to follow up on that. I mean, why else would Astruc spend two seasons building up Luka's relationship with Marinette only to rip it away the episode after they officially get together? It would also explain why it feels like there's two separate episodes going on with how shoehorned in Jagged Stone is.

But other than that, this episode managed to screw up the one thing I was actually looking forward to about this season, seeing Marinette together with Luka. Even if they were going to break up, I was hoping there would at least be a character arc for Marinette where she realizes what she truly wants in a relationship isn't with Luka, leading into a relationship with Adrien where she feels more confident in herself. I was at least hoping their relationship would last more than A SINGLE EPISODE.

In fact, remember that tweet Astruc made soon after the New York Special, defending Marinette and Adrien essentially cheating on Luka and Kagami respectively?

What exactly was so complicated about Season 4 when you're immediately going to break up a couple you spent two seasons building up? Astruc's predictions are about as accurate as Uri Geller.

And then there's the fact that all everyone talks about this episode is Adrien. Marinette's wall is covered with pictures of him, Alya thinks her friend's abnormal behavior is because Adrien's in the room with her, Luka somehow knows Marinette loves Adrien and is actually cool with it, and everyone else thinks that it's her biggest secret. How convenient is it that all of this happens when barring his scenes as Cat Noir, Adrien doesn't appear in this episode barring a five second cameo?

When I was writing this episode, I saw a tweet Astruc made addressing a question someone posed, asking why Adrien didn't get as much screentime in the recent Shanghai Special. He said that “history does not revolve around him”.

For the love of God, writers, just give Marinette a plotline that doesn't revolve around her feelings for Adrien for once. People already started to get sick of it halfway through last season. Either have her confess and make the Love Square canon, or stop letting it dominate the main story for once. Why can't the writers just let her move on from Adrien for more than a single episode? Give her a goddamn break already.

I once again have to ask: what was the point of building up a relationship between Luka and Marinette since Season 2, if you're just going to break them up the second they get together? Why make a big deal about Marinette's conflicted feelings for both Adrien and Luka if you're just going to ignore her feelings for the latter in favor of the former? And remember, chronologically, this was right after the end of Chloe's “damnation arc”, another plotline that had been built up since Season 2 only to be aborted in favor of “sUbVeRtInG tHe AuDiEnCe'S eXpEcTaTiOnS”. It feels like the writers are trying to punish people for getting emotionally invested in any storyline that doesn't relate to the holy pairing that is the Love Square.

This episode is just frustrating to watch. Part of me knew Marinette and Luka were going to break up, but I didn't think it would be this bad, and it would be so soon. I'm glad they're on somewhat good terms, and I liked the buildup to Luka realizing Marinette might not trust him, but the timing of this episode is what baffles me the most. Is it any wonder I think Astruc may have rewritten this episode?

If any Lukanette shippers need to recover, I'd recommend checking out @mc-lukanette​. They have some wholesome one-shots and fix-it fics for some of the weaker episodes of the series. In fact, she already wrote a fix-it to this abysmal episode that’s so much better than what we got.

[ryvgvji]

hi! i was windering can you write a reaction with sero, kaminari, karishima, and tokoyami where their s/o bans sex for 3 weeks? i dont know if you write nsfw at becuase i couldnt fund rules, but you dont have to if you feel uncomfortable☺️

yes sorry about that, i don’t have rules yet, i have to make them 😅 my fault. but yes i do write nsfw stuff for both kpop and anime. but anyways here’s your reaction☺️ hope you like it!! sorry if it’s not the best

(apologies for any grammar errors.)

✰ characters : Ejirou Kirishima, Denki Kaminari, Fumikage Tokoyami, Hanta Sero.

✰ banning Sero, Kirishima, Kaminari and Tokoyami for 3 whole weeks, how will these boys handle that?

Hanta Sero

Sero getting banned from sex , wonder how that happened

most likely happened because Sero would be making fun of you

he and Kaminari would be talking about relationships when suddenly the topic sex came up

Kaminari would talk about how his girlfriend would moan and cry in the bedroom begging him to not stop and go harder

“She be like , ahhh Denki , fuck me hard baby!!” laughing as he mocked her moans

Sero would die laughing , rolling on the floor

“y/n is the same way!” he says as he dries his eyes

“oh Sero , daddy! right there!” he mocked you not at all realizing that he just exposed you

next day at school Kaminari mentions the conversation that him and Sero had

“y/n i didn’t know that you called Sero daddy.”

you almost choke on your food when you hear what Kaminari said

“w-who said that?!”

Kaminari points Sero who’s eyes were basically popping out of their socket

you glared at him wanting to knock him into next week

when i say Sero almost shitted his pants

“baby i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to make fun of you!!” he whines as he trails behind you to you room. you turn around and stare at him. “Sero you mocked me and revealed that i call you daddy during sex, are you really sorry about that?” he doesn't answer instead, he looks at the floor in guilt.

“baby i’m really sorry, you have to believe me,” he said as he grabs a hold of your hand. you look up at him. you could see that he was genuinely sorry. “please! i’ll do anything just please, forgive me.” he practically begs. anything? you think to yourself. a smirk creeps upon your face as you slipped your hand out of his hold. “anything you say?” you cross your arms over your chest. he rapidly nods in response. the perfect punishment pops into your head.

“no sex for three weeks.” you say blandly. Sero’s heart stops. “n-no what?” he stutters. he’s wondering if his ears heard correct. there was no possible way that you could say that to him. that was something that you would never put him through right? wrong! “no. sex. for. three. weeks.” Sero falls to his knees. he looks up at you like a hurt puppy. “baby no, don’t do this to me. i’m sorry. what i did was wrong, completely wrong. just please, i’m begging you. don’t do this.” his eyes somewhat glossy feeling his emotions go crazy. he couldn’t even think about the amount of torture that he would be put through. there was no way that he was gonna last for that long. “you should thought about that before daddy.” you tease lowly as you caress his cheek. you then walk off and leave him there to mope.

the whole three weeks were straight hell for Sero. he was super horny. he would always apologize and tell you he’s sorry everyday, asking you to let up in his punishment. that didn’t work and he would just sulk for the entire rest of the day. all he wants to hold you in his arms again and make you scream his name. when the three weeks were finally up he didn’t waste anytime. right after school he took you straight to his dorm and fucked you so hard that you were limping the next day. “baby, you’ve had me waiting for way to long.”

Ejirou Kirishima

let’s all think about how this all started first...

this started because Kirishima would promise you that he’d take you out on a date

“babe let’s go out together tomorrow after school.”

SIKE! ain’t happening

he ended up going to hang with Bakugo instead, totally forgetting what he promised to you

he spend the while afternoon and evening out with Bakugo leaving you mad and hurt

the next day at school you completely ignore him, walking away and avoiding him anytime that he comes up to you

he even ends up getting a couple of stank eyes from Mina and Momo.

when he practically harrasses you on the way back to the dorms , you finally tell him what’s up

“you stood me up Kirishima.”

that’s when he finally realized

“oh my god, y/n, baby i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to make you upset baby. Bakugo asked me to go with him somewhere yesterday and i didnt remember.” he rambles. you really didn't have a care in the world for what he was saying, your just upset that he stood you up for that his friend, Bakugo any less.

“so Bakugo is more important than me?” you roll your eyes. “baby of course not! what kind of stupid question is that?!” you let out a ‘hm’ and searched through your tv for something to watch. Kirishima grabbed a hold of your hand and make eye contact with you. “baby, i’m really sorry. i understand if your mad at me and i will accept my punishment.” punishment? you weren’t thinking of any punishments, you just are upset with him. but since he mentioned, you guess it’s best that you come up with one.

suddenly an idea pops into your brain. “how about no sex for three weeks?” you say with a innocent smile. Kirishima’s body froze. “babe... what’d you just say?” he asked you. you chuckled slightly. “i said, no sex for three weeks.” you leaned forward and place a light kiss on his lips. he wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer to him, moving his head to the crook of your neck. “baby, you don’t mean that right?” he whisper against your skin, teeth light grazing the area. you almost shudder at the feeling, but you have to keep it together. “yes i do. and it starts right now.” you said and pushed him away.

Kirishima had never been in so much pain. he felt like he was gonna die. honestly for the whole three weeks, his whole demeanor was changed. he wasn’t as cheerful. he’d try everyday to get you to give up; grabbing your thigh under the table, kissing lightly on your neck, grabbing your ass even. unfortunately for him, that didn’t work. when it finally came to the last day of the punishment, he could not hold in his anticipation. he’d just skip school with you fuck you all day, literally all day. “you are really in for it love.”

Denki Kaminari

how did you come to this situation? simple

he l i e d

he said that he was with Sero, Kirishima and Bakugo

what he didn’t talk about was being with her instead of Sero. her as in Jirou

you found out through Sero’s slip up at lunch the next day

“yesterday was crazy, we should definitely do it again!” Kirishima cheered as he ate his lunch

“i still can’t believe that you guys took Jirou instead of me.” he rolled his eyes

“you didn’t go Sero?” you questioned the boy, he shook his head and narrowed his eyes toward Kaminari

“because of that punk over there!” he pointed

you look over to your boyfriend with raised eyebrows

“you said that you went with Sero babe. you lied to me?” you said calmly as you tried your best to keep your composure

the table was dead silent. so was Kami. he didn’t say anything. or make a move

you just shook your head and got up.

“unbelievable.”

“can’t believe you lied.” you said as you sat on your bed and stare at Kaminari. pure guilt shows on his face. you scoff as he doesn’t say a word. you are so mad at him, you don’t even wanna see him right now. “get out Kami. don’t talk to me.” you point to the door of your room. he opens his mouth to say something but you cut him before he cannot. “oh, and on top of that, your punishment for lying to me is no sex for three weeks, now get out.” you pushed him out your room and slam your door.

he didn’t even get to say anything. he really didn’t mean to lie you, it’s never his intention to hurt you. but for some reason which is unknown to him, he just didn’t want you to know about Jirou. it makes him feel so bad. for the entire next week you avoid him and the rest of the boys. anytime he was near you, you walk away. his heart was broken.”baby, please talk to me. i’m sorry. baby.” he called from outside your door. you sigh, getting up from your bed going over to open the door. “yes?”

no words were exchanged. he pulled you into a hugged walking towards your bed. “Kami what are you-” up you were cut of by Kaminari kissing you. you kissed back, wrapping your arms his neck to pull him closer. you missed this. his hands roamed over your body down to your legs. he lightly squeezed them before wrapping them around his hips. “i missed you so much y/n. i’m really sorry about what happened.” he said pulling away from the kiss. he moved to your neck. you let out a soft sigh before closing your eyes. wait, i’m not supposed to be doing this you thought. “wait.” Kaminari looked up at you confused. “you’re still on your punishment.” Kaminari whined and put his head back in your neck before saying, “baby~ please i’m sorry!” you only chuckled and pulled him away from your body. “two more weeks baby.”

by the time the two were over he was ready. he was not going to waste no time. you could literally feel that the whole day he was watching you. eyes following your every move like predator watching it’s prey. touching you nonstop, hands wondering over your body anytime there was an opportunity. when the last bell ran he rushed. picking you up and going all the way to his room. “baby i’ve been waiting for this for so long.”

Fumikage Tokoyami

tokoyami, tokoyami, oh tokoyami...

he just could not keep his hands to himself for some reason

he was touching you EVERYWHERE

“Tokoyami...” you warned him

you were in school you didn’t wanna get caught and get in trouble

he just smirks and continues to touch you

what was even worst is that nobody suspects anything because he was so to himself, no one would have thunk that Toko would do such thing so he didn’t stop

oh lord was lunch something

his grip on your thigh did not letting up

moving his hand further and further up. you felt like you were gonna bust

“baby no. were at school.” you brushed his hand off

“well we’re in your room now.” he teases and graze his fingers up you thigh. you slap his hand away. “ouch...that hurt.” you rolled your eyes. “baby. you’ve touching me all day. i think that you need to calm down.” you said. “but you like it, don’t you love?” he said pulling you onto his lap.

you smile at him and run your hand down his chest. just then a thought popped in your mind. with a mischievous smile you lean down and kiss him. he wrap his arms around you and leans back on the bed. you pull away and look him in his eyes. “baby how about this.” you lean closely to his ear. “no sex for three weeks baby. since you were being disobent and touching me non stop you are banned from sex.” Tokoyami’s breath hitches in his throat. “really that’s how is gonna be love?” his voice deep and low. you sit up on top and cross your arms. “that’s what i said.” you smiled. you see Tokoyami roll is eyes. “okay then. that’s fine with me, really don’t care.”

this is gonna be easy. or so Tokoyami thought. two weeks in and he can’t sleep. it’s been too long for him. he can’t go any longer. he tries everything that he can to break you. he wants you to give in. “baby, i need you.” he would whisper in your ear. you would only laugh and push him away saying “boy bye.”

thankfully, when the three weeks were over before he knew it. he never been so happy than before, this was something that we wants so bad. even dark shadow hasn’t been this excited. as soon as the weekend hits, he calls you and tell you pack backs cause your staying over his. before you could even knock on his door, he pulls you in, picks you and gently sets you down on the bed. “love let’s waste no time.”

[arrivalatdawn]

Could you write a smut regarding an extremely intimidating rosé

The sharpest thorn is one that doesn’t cut you, or so they say.

It might not happen right away, but there is a dark side to all good things. Such a thought does not occur to you one peaceful morning at home with your girlfriend, Kim Jisoo. Ever the one to have an unwavering bright, bubbly personality, she suggests a lazy beginning to the day. While you imagined being wrapped under the blankets and bedsheets with her on top of you as you exchanged sweet kisses, Jisoo had something else in mind.

“... and you wanted to go out today, wasting a perfectly good day off.” she said in a soft tone as she released your cock out of her warm and wet mouth. She stroked you slowly, thoroughly spreading her saliva all over your shaft. “We haven’t had a day to ourselves in months.”

She plants a kiss on the tip of your cock before sticking her tongue out and moving it in a clockwise direction. Her thin fingers remain wrapped around your base, feeling it pulse in her palm as she continues to move it up and down. While her voice had a cheerfulness to it, you especially loved its lower, huskier register during more intimate times. She did it first as a joke, but realized how much it aroused you after your first month of dating. From then on, Jisoo chose to speak in a deeper tone whenever you two were alone.

“I’m gonna make sure you can’t get out of bed tomorrow.”

Jisoo is currently on the floor of her bedroom as she gives you a stimulating pleasure. Your hands find their way to her dark colored locks, tucking loose strands behind her ears and away from her face as she continues using her mouth to satisfy you. Beautiful was an understatement to describe Jisoo - she was elegant, a graceful side to her that was usually overshadowed by her playful clumsiness. She was surprised when you confessed to her your feelings, believing you only hungout with her in order to get closer to her friend, Jennie Kim.

“Didn’t you already do that yesterday?” you teased.

Jisoo pouted, puffing her cheeks as you noticed a change in her eyes. The bright shininess to them remained, but were replaced with a cloudy lust. Her lips formed a sinful smile as she puckered them and kissed your tip once more.

“That was nothing compared to what I have in store for you.”

A needy moan escapes your lips as Jisoo takes your cock back inside her mouth. You looked down and saw your favorite sight - her silky smooth brunette hair bobbing up and down as you enter and exit her with ease thanks to her earlier lubrication. Both of your hands hold onto the sides of her head, guiding her movements while your fingers play run through strands of her hair. The both of you were very much enjoying the simple performance she was putting on.

You planned on going downstairs right away and surprising Jisoo with breakfast. It seemed she had the same thought, albeit a bit different kind of nourishment compared to the one you were going to prepare.

Jisoo has taken you inside her mouth a plethora of times - some even during inconspicuous circumstances. And while she perfected the basic techniques, which ones she emphasizes and doesn’t seems to change each time. Saliva is wet; a common knowledge statement. But Jisoo surprises you. Some days she’ll use a lot and want it to be as sloppy as possible. Others, she’ll use just enough in order to make sure both of you are satisfied. She’ll put on red lipstick before sucking your cock, knowing you enjoy being marked by her full lips all over your body and especially your shaft. The tight seal they form around your base as she takes your entire length inside her mouth. Her tongue - which can be fully flattened and add another layer of pleasure to your underside, or twirl around your tip and send shivers down your spine. Whatever method she used, Jisoo knew you loved it.

Both male and female friends knew you and Jisoo were inseperable, with many commenting about her beauty and how much more radiant she became after dating you. They would tease you, saying that wedding bells would be ringing any day now. The two of you brushed it off, knowing it will happen when the time is right. And as your wandering thoughts returned to your cock inside Jisoo’s mouth, you were mainly delighted to call her yours.

Jisoo removes her mouth from your shaft, watching in satisfaction as it glistens with her saliva as it dribbles down her cheek and your tip before falling onto the floor below. Her hand returns its grip onto your cock as she tilts her head and focuses her attention on your balls. You feel jolts of pleasure in your spine as she takes you into her mouth one at a time. She sucks on each, moving her tongue in a back and forth motion before letting it out with a loud pop.

The two of you remained relatively silent, with the exception of your moans and Jisoo sloppily sucking your cock. She hollows her cheeks as much as possible, turning her lips into a suction that feels sinfully delicious. She looks up at you with her large, glassy eyes - they provided a calming sense as she wrinkled her nose cutely and her eyes became crescents when she returned to orally pleasuring you.

Jisoo wastes no time with foreplay, as evidenced by the feeling of the tip of your cock hitting her throat. You feel her nose on the base of your shaft. She had been practicing deepthroating you the past several months; it seems to have paid off as your cock slowly goes in and out of her wanton mouth. Her freshly manicured nails dig into the skin of your thighs, a temporary pain compared to the pleasure you were currently receiving. Her eyes begin to glisten with tears as both of your hands hold onto her head and are guided by her own movements.

“Fuck…” you said, finally breaking the stalemate between you two.

“Isn’t this a better way to spend the day?” she said, smiling sweetly at you.

“No…”

“No…?” Jisoo breathed out, as your cock was inside her mouth. She gave you a soft warning bite, seemingly trying to say to choose your words carefully.

“No… because you’re not riding me.”

Jisoo giggles, her tongue sending a pleasant vibration on the underside of your shaft. Releasing you from her mouth, she gives your tip a deep kiss before rising up between your legs. You wrap your arms around her waist, planting a soft kiss on her forehead before the two of you climb onto the bed. She straddles your lap with her wide hips, winking at you playfully before grabbing your hard cock and placing its tip at her entrance. She stroked you, smacking your tip against her slightly drenched pussy. You loved how tight Jisoo was - her wet, velvety slick walls wrapping around your shaft as she fully lowered your body  until you were inside her. Her erotically charged moan, coupled with her husky tone aroused you to no end.

“You wanted to deny a whole day of feeling this inside me to go on a date?” she said in a cute yet angry tone.

You savored the feeling of Jisoo’s body being impaled with your own as the morning light sneakily entered through the crack of the blinds. She was right, sharing an intimate moment with her was indeed always the right call.

--

They say no one drink tastes exactly alike.

No matter the ingredients being the exact same - the temperature in the air, the way the fruits are cut up, whether the drink is shaken or stirred, the number of or lack thereof of ice cubes, was the glass chilled or not, did the bartender use their hand or wrist when pouring out the mixed liquid, even the experience of the bartender. These are just some of the many things to take into consideration when ordering a drink.

It was supposed to be another relaxing evening at home.

When you got the phone call - and subsequent doorbell awakening to come out to the club with Jennie Kim, you turned her down immediately. Unfortunately, she never takes no for an answer. And so, here you are at one of the hottest nightclubs in town despite barely being open for a few months.

The bright, various colored lights. The bouncer who let scantily clad women in for free, some pulling down the top of their dress to do so. A haze of intoxicated people with more money than they know what to do with and a loud, ear-shattering bass are what greets you the moment you and Jennie enter.

She is immediately met with copious amounts of eyes staring at her - both men and women. Wearing the shortest, tightest dress she owned and letting her milk chocolate colored hair flow down her beautiful shoulders, Jennie Kim commanded attention from the busy club’s nighttime patrons. She puckered her lips, batting her freshly curled eyelashes and winking at those within her range of vision. The dark eyeliner and smoky eyeshadow complimented her cat-like gaze. Jennie knew she was a tease - loving to get a rouse out of people drooling for her. Making them even more jealous, she linked arms with you before blowing a kiss and walking away.

“Do we really have to be here? I was kinda sleeping, you know.” You said, handing Jennie an overpriced bottle of water before taking your jacket off and draping it over her thighs.

“Thank you, oppa.” She twists the plastic cap and takes a large swig of the bottle. Letting out a satisfied hum, she crossed her legs and stared at you. You were wearing a plain white tee and joggers - an outfit that was able to double as something to wear outside and as pajamas. A small frown was plastered on your face as you looked around at groups of people enjoying their youth, while destroying their livers in the process.

“Oppa, stop being a boring old grandpa. These are the prime years of our lives!” Jennie said.

“Jen, we’re almost in our late 20’s. This may have been cute four years ago, but I don't exactly want to be 35 and still doing this stuff.”

“So you think going to bed by 8 PM on a Friday night is normal for someone our age?”

“It certainly beats being here. I get to be comfortable at home and binge watch tv shows while eating whatever I want.”

“Has that been helping you get over Jisoo unnie?”

You immediately shot Jennie an icy cold glare. She was temporarily surprised, but managed to keep her composure.

“Don’t give me that look. I know it hasn’t been easy, but I don’t want you to waste your life away over her.”

--

Kim Jisoo. Someone who meant the whole world to you. The very same person who took it all away instantly, doing so by leaving a card on her side of your bed one morning. 

Oppa,

I’m sorry.

By the time you read this, I would have already been gone. You have every right to hate me. But… this dream. It's something I can't give up. I won't know unless I take this risk.

I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Thank you, oppa. For all of the love you've given me these past four years.

Love, Jisoo

Rain was not the only thing pouring outside your window as you reread her message over and over.

--

“It's been a year, oppa. It's time to move on. She has.”

“People go at their own pace, Jen.”

“I know that. But I can't stand seeing you devolve into a homebody who cries watching chick flicks and eating ice cream out of the container.”

“You were the one who brought it over!”

“Anyways! We are here to find you a new bang.” Jennie confidently said, wrapping her arm around you. “So what are you feeling, my boy? Blonde? Brunette? Nice rack? Fat ass? Baby making hips?”

“Everyday you stray further from the light.” You said, shaking your head as you covered your face. “Remind me again how are we best friends?”

“If we aren't best friends, then I'm not a girl who measures a guy’s hotness by guessing their dick size.”

“Have you ever guessed correctly?”

“Many times. Although this one guy ended up packing more than I thought he would.”

“There are countless hot women here. It's a club. How exactly do you propose I find someone? You know I can't really talk to women well. Especially after the last one.”

“Ah, yes. Who could forget the classic: ‘H-Hi. You. Me. S-Sex.’ Real smooth, Casanova.”

“This is your idea of a pep talk? Some wingman you are.”

“That's because I'm a wingwoman. Now…” Jennie said as she winked, pointing her finger as she moved the two of you across the copious amount of people in the club. “What poor soul gets the unfortunate chance to be your pity bang.”

“Hey! I'm going home if you're gonna be like this.” You said, standing up and preparing to leave.

“Fine, fine!” Jennie said, holding onto your shoulders and pushing you back down on the couch. “You're no fun, oppa.”

You ignored her, crossing your arms as you put on the meanest sulk you could muster.

“You're so cute when you're angry.” She said, pinching your cheek as you snorted a puff of air.

“Why don't you talk to her?” Jennie continued, pointing to a lone woman sitting at the bar.

The woman was far away, but her sitting posture gave off an intimidating vibe. Her long, brunette hair flowed almost past her seat. The two of you watched as she fended off various men trying to get her attention. You looked to Jennie and sighed.

“Her? She just rejected like seven guys. Some of them were pretty handsome too.” you said.

“Yeah, that’s… weird. I wonder why she rejected both seven and nine incher.” Jennie said, frowning as she formed a check sign under her chin with her thumb and index finger. “Although she did a good job at shooing away those last two. They were easily four inches.”

“Would you stop incorrectly guessing penis size and focus! How am I supposed to talk to her?”

“Relax, oppa. It’s all about confidence. Put your foot down and show her you’re not willing to take no for an answer.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.” Jennie nodded.

“Really? Because the last time I did that, I was met with a drink in the face and various women nearby staring at me like I was a pervert.”

“Yeah, I remember that. Almost peed myself from laughing so hard.”

“I’m glad my love life amuses you. Some best friend you are.” you said, rolling your eyes.

“You can do this, oppa!” Jennie said, startling you by suddenly standing up. “Now go over there and get some fresh booty! … and maybe get me a drink while you’re at it.” The sudden change in tone by her last sentence caused you to raise an eyebrow and shake your head.

Jennie smacks your butt, squeezing a cheek firmly before pushing you away. Brushing the nonexistent dirt off your body, you timidly approached the counter. The bartender is putting on a show, holding multiple bottles at once as he pours various colored liquids into the stainless steel jigger.

The woman Jennie graciously scouted out for you looked elegant. She wore a bright red cocktail dress that showed off her long legs and soft looking thighs. Her pinky was extended as she elegantly sipped on a green colored martini. Her side profile looked like something from the front page spread of a magazine cover. You ended up staring at her a bit too long - something she noticed right away.

“It’s not polite to stare at a woman, you know.” she stated.

Her cold tone and exotic accent sent shivers down your spine. She looked like she belonged to the wealthy elite, while you were just an average person out of their element. The loud music and various patrons clinking their glasses to a celebratory night out were nothing compared to the beauty before you.

“If you’re here to buy me a drink, don’t. Seven guys have already tried. I’m not interested.” she said, taking another sip of her mixed drink.

“I-I’m not.” you said, stammering. You mentally slapped yourself, knowing this conversation was going to go down the same path as every other one you had with a woman.

“Really?” she asked, finally turning her direction at you. Her dark, jet black hair matched the same color of her eyeshadow. It flowed beautifully, not a single one out of place. She equipped herself with light facial makeup, only the slightest hint of BB cream and powder. Her thin, cherry red colored lips giving off the tiniest hint of a smirk.

“Your hot friend over there seems to think I’d be the perfect booty call for you.”

You tensed up. She had you read out and it hadn’t even been a full five minutes. A bead of sweat trailed down your face as you pulled on the collar of your shirt. You began to prepare yourself for the rejection that was beginning to loom.

“She doesn’t seem to be able to talk softly. Probably a screamer in bed, too.”

“J-Jennie’s just a -”

“So tell me, handsome. What was her master plan? To get you to hit on me under the disguise of getting her a drink? And just like that I’m supposed to drop my panties for you?”

Every word the woman said to you was as ice cold as the ice the bartender was mixing drinks with. Despite this, her erotic accent keeps you wanting to hear more from her. It filled you with untapped courage. Deciding to throw caution to the wind, your expression changed as you slowly approached her.

“She wanted me to get over this girl I was in love with. Said you’d be the perfect rebound bang.” you said, taking the drink out of her hand and twisting the glass before sipping. It tasted sweet. Strawberry, with the unmistakable taste of vodka. The drink matched its owner - strong, yet having a playful side to it.

“I always ask for three shots instead of one.” she simply stated as she noticed your face grimacing, unfazed by your actions.

“Good to know.” you said, returning the drink in front of her.

“And what makes this slutty friend of yours think I’m easy?”

“Her legs are never closed. Figured she’d be a good judge of character.” you said. The alcohol seemed to be working, as you began to grow confident and matched the way she was speaking to you.

She smirked. “These losers wouldn’t even be worth me slapping them in the face. Do you really think you have what it takes to take me home?”

You took her hand and got her out of the chair. Running your fingers through her soft, silky hair, you gently tucked several loose strands behind her ear before holding her by the waist.

“There’s nothing better than wanting what you can’t have.” you whispered into her ear gently, your hand roaming down her dress. You blew a soft puff of air, your palm feeling the curvature of her bottom as you squeezed it. The faintest moan escaped her lips as she quickly tried to maintain her composure.

“Drunk already after one sip?” She said. Your gaze remained locked with each other. Her eyes were beady, yet pools of pure seduction. A light tint of red was evident on her cheeks, she clearly had more than one martini. As you processed what she just said, you realized she was right. You were drunk. But it was not from the one sip of alcohol you had from her. No, this was different. You were intoxicated by the beautiful woman you just met. And as your hand still rested on her bottom, it seemed she was also interested in you.

“What do you say?” you asked, bringing your other hand to her face. As you rubbed her cheek gently, you traced the back of your finger on it.  “Your bedsheets sound a lot more fun than anything else going on here.”

The woman takes a sip of her martini, moving the bottom of the glass around on the table to swirl the mixed drink. She seemed to be deep in thought, pondering your words carefully.

“Sure, why not. Beats getting hit on by any of these losers.” she said nonchalantly.

You smirked, squeezing her cheek once more.

“You won’t regret it.”

As she grabbed her designer bag and walked away from the bar, you looked at Jennie who was in bewilderment at what she just witnessed. You flashed her a peace sign before using your thumb and pinky and bring it to your ear, silently letting her know you’ll call afterwards and tell her everything. She smiles in response, showing you her own peace sign as you exit the club.

--

The taxi ride to your place came and went like the calm before a storm. It didn’t take long for the two of you to remove your shoes. Your hands find their way back to her waist, gently holding her in your arms. As the two of you exchanged lust-filled stares, you lower your head and are mere inches away from her face before she turns her head and steers clear of you.

“I’m not that easy…” she said.

“Didn’t take you to be it at all.” you replied. The intoxicating aroma of her perfume combined with the built up desire you had for this woman caused you to want her more.

She removes both straps of her dress, watching you slightly drool as they flow down her soft looking shoulders and fall onto the ground. You take notice of her lack of undergarments, revealing a painfully tight body before you. She was fairly petite, yet had a decent curvature to her. You preferred a woman with wider hips and thighs, but this woman’s model-like body and cute round butt were beginning to make you a believer.

She helps you remove your shirt, before yanking off your pants and boxer briefs simultaneously. She is greeted with your cock already erect. Her fingers are cold to the touch, a nice juxtaposition to your shaft that was warm. She bit her lower lip and looked at you.

“Not bad… I’ve had better, though.” she said calmly.

“And yet you seem to be enjoying mine…” you replied, tracing her outer lips with two of your fingers. You took notice of a colorless liquid beginning to leak out, rubbing it between your thumb and index finger. “It would look even better inside your mouth.”

She squeezes your cock tightly. “No, you are going to look better eating my pussy.”

The woman pushes you onto your bed before raising her hips and locking her thighs onto either side of your head. Her pussy was delightfully wonderful. Bright pink, glistening lips and containing a nostalgic aroma to it. Your hands found their way to her bottom, which seemed to be their designated resting place over the course of  the evening. The moment her hips lowered onto your face, you were greeted with the flesh between her legs.

“Oh, fuck…” she said, releasing a long, satisfied moan. You began by kissing the inner apex of her thighs, each crease soft to the touch. It doesn’t take long before you are giving her pussy long, slow licks. Her body squirms above you as quickly captured her clit and swirled your tongue around it. Despite her cold demeanor, it seemed like she really needed this - her juices flow out abundantly as you slowly eat her out.

“Fuck! Right there… Oh, fuck…” she moaned, throwing her head back as she held onto the headboard of your bed. She grinds on your face, her pussy pressing against your mouth as she seeks more and more pleasure desperately. You are happy she is satisfied, consuming the bittersweet juices that pour into your mouth.

She tries to turn her body around but you held her hips waist firmly in place. You aren’t able to see, but you were sure her eyes began to flutter in pleasure as she relishes the feeling of your tongue on her clit. Her butt is soft to the touch, even more so now without her pesky silk dress covering it.

“K-Keep eating that pussy… oh fuck…!”

She was unable to announce her abrupt orgasm. The only signal you were able to receive was her body quivering slightly before violently shaking as its force takes her by surprise. Her pussy releases a copious amount of fresh juices into your willing mouth. You stick your tongue out, having grown accustomed to her delicious taste. Her moans continue on as you feel her juices slowly drip down your mouth and chin. Your tongue twirls around her clit as her orgasm slowly winds down. Giving her wet pussy a few final licks, your head being released from the grip of her thighs.

Before you could even get the chance to speak, she dismounts your face before quickly mounting your crotch. She gives your cock several painfully slow strokes before lining your tip at her entrance. You can’t help but feel nostalgic, thinking of how Jisoo would do the very same thing to you. And while Jisoo loved to tease you, running the tip of your cock between her lips, this woman was different. She quickly lowers her hips until you are fully inside her.

Jisoo was the tightest woman you’ve ever been with - or so you thought. Before you was a new challenger, someone who could compete for the throne, should there ever be one for how tight a pussy could feel. Both of you let out a satisfied moan as you enter her for the very first time. Her juices coated your cock instantly, while her walls seemed like they would refuse to let you go.

“Fuck…” she said, letting out a mixture of a scream and a laugh. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

The woman’s tight body felt wonderful, something nothing else could come close to replicating. She places her hands on top of yours, bringing them upwards and resting them on her petite chest. She was far from busty, but was big enough to fit in the palm of your hand, something you were thankful for.

You fondled them, massaging her chest before bringing her hardening nipples in between your index finger and thumb. She plants her hands firmly on your own chest until she raises her hips and starts to ride you.

“Fuck!” she screamed, her pussy grabbing onto your cock tightly as she began to take you in and out of her wanton body.

Her hips, thighs and waist were all working in tandem to extract the most pleasure out of you for her own satisfaction. She was tight - something that you repeated to yourself over and over like a broken record. The feeling of it was overwhelming, as you sat on the bed unable to move from the pleasure she was giving you.

“Oh fuck…” you said, the burning desire for the woman on top of you evident through your words.

“You like my pussy, don’t you?” she said, knowing full well what your answer would be. “I bet it’s the tightest you’ve ever had.”

“Fuck yes…” you moaned.

Your words seemed to please her as she grinds her hips against yours. Her hot, wet flesh has quickly made you wish to never leave its comfort as you feel her tight butt smack your thighs. She makes sure to raise her hips until only your tip is inside her before slamming back down onto you.

A few hours ago you two were mere strangers yet here she was, using you for her own pleasure. She puts on a show while riding you, her erotic moans and vulgar words dripping with pure lust create a harmonious symphony for your ears as does her best to chase her euphoric high.

“Fuck… I’m gonna cum again. I’m going to cum on your cock. Fuck. Yes… yes! Oh, fuck!”

Her second orgasm of the night was no less violent than the first. She arches her back as her body squirms on top of yours. Her toes curled up in pleasure as you felt her nails dig into your chest. Her pussy tightened around your cock, almost painfully so. You felt it pulsing in delayed intervals as she buried your shaft deep inside her. Both of you savored the feeling of her orgasm. It takes her slightly longer to recover compared to her first orgasm. Her body is quivering slightly with aftershocks as you move her hips up and down your own.

“N-No… stop, I’m still sensitive.” she said, holding on your chest for support.

Her pussy clenches against your cock, seemingly wanting more. Your eyes involuntarily shut as you savor the pleasure of her tight walls gripping your length. You noticed she was exhausted, as a thin layer of sweat glistened on her milky skin. Her body on the other hand, had other plans. She began to slowly grind against you, preparing herself to ride you once more. She moves her hips in a circular motion, wanting to feel every inch of you inside her.

“You haven’t cum yet…” she said. “Is my pussy not good enough for you?”

“N-No… yours is the tightest I’ve ever had.”

“Then why haven’t you cum yet?” her voice increased in frustration.

She dismounted your lap, getting on her hands and knees in front of you.

“Come here and fuck me like you mean it.”

Little effort is required on your part to enter her pussy once more. She wags her butt cutely, teasing you. Both of you moaned as her walls hugged you tightly. You leave your tip inside her before thrusting back inside. 

Her body mirrored your bed and rocked back and forth in pleasure. Each entry into her tight pussy felt different, providing you an insatiable lust. You felt her round ass cheeks bounce against your crotch with each thrust.

Her soft gasps and moans rapidly increased in volume as her tight, hot body was an outlet for your desires.

“Fuck… fuck me harder.” she gasped.

You weren’t able to reply, too clouded by the pleasure to focus on anything else but her body and your need to fill her. Both of you relish in the moment as you fuck her and give her what she wanted. You reach for her damp hair and hold it in your hands, raising her body and pulling her head back. She moaned as your thrusts increase in speed until the bed is violently creaking from how hard you were fucking her.

“Fuck… fuck! I’m-”

Despite her exhaustion, her pussy clenches around your cock tightly as she cums for the third time of the night. Moans and gasps filled your room as her mouth is agape from the pleasure. She regretfully removes you from her body before she gets you to stand up on wobbly knees.

She strokes you furiously, the heat caused by the friction of her hand against your cock provided a tingling sensation. She had little care for how fast she was going, using her free hand to massage your balls in anticipation of what was about to come.

“Cum all over my face.”

She picked up the pace and stroked you even faster until you moaned loudly and erupted all over her face. She smiled wickedly as her eyes instinctively shut as you coated her soft features with thick, hot ropes of semen. The first shot hit her forehead and hair while your toes curled from the pleasure. Your next release hit her cute nose and ridiculously soft looking cheeks. The pressure she had built up inside you was finally alleviated. She continued to massage your balls until she felt you had nothing left.

Her smile was a wonderful juxtaposition to the mess you just created on her face. She stuck her tongue out and cleaned your cock, removing the last few remnants of your load that dribbled from your tip.

“Fuck, you taste good.”

[honey-milk-depresso]

Meanie (Azul Ashengrotto x Reader) (2)

Die with me please I need serious help-

My drafts are scaring me-

But ehhh, hope you enjoy!

Part 1, 

Part 2 

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8 (END)

“Hey! Rise and shine Mr Octopus!”

He groaned in annoyance and tiredness. 

“Go away...”

“Hey! You said to come to your room when I wake up!”

“Later..”

“Come on!!”

Azul isn’t an early bird when it comes to the weekend. You knew that, but he promised you.

“Okay fine, listen. Once you wake up, go to Ramshackle with me. I got headmaster’s permission to go explore other shops Twisted Wonderland has! And I’m not talking about Sam’s Shop. I’m talking about huge stores and many market places and stuff-!”

“Okay, okay I will. I’ll be there at 9. It’s 7 in the morning, y/n, not now. Geez..” he grumbled.

“Alright, alright. I’ll leave you be. But don’t keep me waiting~”

And you went out.

=============================================================

“Are you ready?”

“Yes I am.”

You and Azul were in casual clothing as you prepared to go into the mirror.

“You two remember to contact me, I’ll bring you back!”

“Thanks, Headmaster!”

Taking Azul’s hand to which he blush slightly at the sudden contact, you made a running start as you jumped into the portal with him.

“Slow down!”

“Okay, okay!”

You stared in awe. This looked like a real town.

Cobblestone pavements, many boutique shops ranging from bakeries to shoes to blacksmiths. Rose bushes and trees along the road together with the street lamps. Cottages and houses of all different sizes, the town brought about a tranquil presence.

“Woah..”

“Hm. So he brought us the Rose Kingdom.”

“Wait! Rose Kingdom?!”

You took his hand again and started trudging to the stores.

“Hey! What are you-!”

“Let’s find Trey’s family bakery, and other things to buy, too!”

“You’re lucky I brought my wallet...”

“Don’t worry, I’m paying!”

He jerked to a stop, which halted you too.

“Wha-”

“Didn’t you spend on going to the VIP room yesterday?”

“Yeah, and I did pay right?”

“You have enough money left?”

“Well, I mean, enou-”

“Forget it I’ll pay.”

“Wahhhh! Hey, Azul! You don’t have to pay! It’ll make me feel bad!”

“Feel bad then.”

“Meanie!”

He sighed.

“Don’t waste your money, y/n.”

You sighed in defeat. “Alright, alright..”

You walked around the wide variety of stores.

“Ooh! Azul, look!”

He turned around to face you as he walked over to you, your eyes glued to the window of a store.

“Look! Isn’t that pendent pretty?”

There lied a pendent with only one of its bead, the center of attention, a white pearl carved into a spiral shell, a small diamond placed in the very middle of it. It gleamed under the light.

“Yeah, it is.”

“Ooh, how much is it??”

You looked down to see the price label.

“Irk?!- $200?!?!”

You sweat dropped and sulked. Of course something so pretty would be expensive. 

“Never mind... let’s find something else..”

Azul glanced at you and looked back at the pendent.

“Alright.”

=============================================================

“Wah! Trey’s family is so nice!”

Finally found the bakery, “Clovers’ Bakery”.

His mother knew who you are since being friends with him, Trey talking about you over the phone with his mother. His entire family welcomed you and gave you and Azul a free drink of your choice. You got hot cocoa, while Azul got a hot cup of coffee.

“This coffee’s not bad.”

“I mean, Trey is a good cook on his own. What makes you think his family can’t do better?”

“Not necessarily.”

“Hmmmm. Anyways~”

You gulped down you drink and ate the last piece of your sandwich. 

“You ready to leave?”

Azul sipped his coffee. “Yep.”

“Alright! Bye Mrs and Mr Clover! Take care all of you!”

Azul stared at your huge cheerful grin as you waved goodbye to the Clovers.

Wonder how you’ll react to see his own family.

=============================================================

“Oh my shit, Azul. Look.”

Azul turned around to see a booth stand, children throwing rings, hoping to get them into the bottles.

“ $2 for 10 rings?? To win an octopus plushie??? That’s like 10 times more than that pendent.”

“100 times.”

“I’m lazy to math, it’s the frickin’ weekend.”

“It’s basic math, y/n.”

“Come on let’s go!”

You dragged him to the booth as the vendor smiled at you both.

“Hmm? Oh my! What a cute couple I see here!”

You and Azul blushed in embarrassment. “Oh, we’re just friends!”

The vendor sighed. “Aw. You’d two would be great together though. Ah well. 10 tries?”

“Yep!”

Azul paid the vendor as she passed him the rings. “Good luck!”

Tossing and tossing, you landed at least 4 rings. But... you only had one left.

“Hmmm I’m scared... One more ring in the get the plushie, but if I didn’t..”

“Don’t stress it, y/n. 10 rings for $2, remember. I can pay for another round.”

“Didn’t you always say never waste a cent.”

That’s true, he’s always been cost conscious, but....

“I won’t charge you or ask you to pay me back, okay?”

“Hmmm, alright! But eh, I don’t want to waste my luck here. And I don’t want to restart so....” you passed him the ring. “I put my faith in you soldier,” while playfully saluting. 

“Oh shush. And you don’t have to rely on luck.”

Azul closed one eye, concentrating. You held your breath as he planned.

Finally, after some meticulous calculation and planning he threw the ring.

It landed.

“YES, AZUL YOU DID IT!”

“DON’T HUG ME LIKE WE WON SOME MARATHON!”

“BUT WE DID!”

=====================================================

“Hey, y/n, give me a moment, I want to get something from a store I saw was interesting.”

“Alright! I’ll wait for you here!”

He got up from the bench he was sitting, leaving you alone.

You looked up to the sky as you licked your ice cream he bought for you in one hand, and another to clutch your octopus plushie.

Honestly, it felt kind of embarrassing to be spoiled by your best friend. Well, at least you thought he was your best friend, you hoped he felt the same way too.

You also felt a bit guilty he’s spending money on you and all you do is drag him to other places. But... you wanted to spend the most amount of time with him and all your other friends as... well... you were going to die. 

With a severe Huntington’s disease, you couldn’t think straight. The doctors in your world and twisted wonderland had been doing their very best to make sure they could manage your condition. You’re afraid that in two weeks time, you wouldn’t be able to walk, because you would forget how to.

 You were scared to tell your friends, especially Azul. You wanted to, but deep down you felt like death would really do each others friendship apart. You couldn’t tell him directly that you have problems remembering and doing simple math sums worse than Deuce.

You hated your incurable disease, but you learn to live with it and find joy in every thing in life the best you could.

The staff of NRC knew this, excusing you from gym classes, giving you extra help on homework, exempting you from examinations. You honestly felt like an oddball most of the time and just wanted to live a normal school life.

You stared at your plushie. What if you forget how to feel too? You don’t want to lose your romantic feelings towards the octopus.

“Y/n.”

“Hmm? Oh Azul!”

“Here .”

He handed you a box and opened it. You gasped.

It was the same pendent you saw early in the morning.

“I- Azul, you didn’t have to buy it!!!”

“Well, I’d be seeing you sulking all the time, would I? And I’ll look like a terrible friend.”

You rolled your eyes and smile.

“Whatever. Thanks a lot though!”

He smiled. 

“Your welcome.”

For now, you wanted to cherish the moments you spent with him.

===================================================

Part 3 anyone???

Or just me trying to get rid of many drafts as possible-

[sebstanseabass]

Afterglow (A Bucky Barnes AU fan fiction) - Chapter 5

Previous chapter links:

Afterglow chapters Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader CHAPTER FIVE

Sometimes, the universe works in different dumb ways. You're one of the few lucky people if you get what you want, and one of those who aren't; the ones who run out of luck every damn time. There's nothing more miserable than finding what you're not looking for, meeting the right person at the wrong time (or vice versa), getting the wrong take out food, or riding the wrong cab.

Unlike your first cab ride, this one was different. There was no loud music, no speeding, no overtaking, and no yelling -- definitely not what you needed right now. See how the universe works in different dumb ways?

If Bucky wasn't hungover right now, you would've ran all the way from White Wolf to the bar. God, how much did he drink last night? After thirty minutes, the cab finally stopped in front of the bar. Bucky paid a generous amount. "Keep the change." He said casually before stepping out of the cab.

Without second thoughts, you walked the steps down that lead to the door of the bar. In front of it were sealed boxes and cases of different kinds of liquor -- beer, champagne, wine, whiskey, vodka; you name it. Luckily, you always had the bar keys in your pockets in case of emergencies. Lucky for Steve, one of his employees just lived right above the bar and had the freedom to come down any time she wanted. Steve lived all the way in Brooklyn. Why he chose to work in the Upper West Side, you might never know. He was a pretty secretive person. No one from the bar staff knew anything about his personal life -- except that his family was from Rhode Island (perhaps).

"That's a lot of boxes." Bucky caught up with you. "Good thing I'm here."

"Please." You scoffed. "You're still hungover." I bet he couldn't even carry one small box, and even if he could, he'd just spill them all over the floor. But you didn't really know Bucky. You just knew him from Peter's stories. So, when he carried two big boxes at the same time right before you opened the door, the shock came over you. You wondered, spending all his time partying and drinking, where he stores all the alcohol he consumes.

"Where do you want me to put this?" Bucky asked.

"Just right behind the counter." You replied. "If you need some help, let me know."

"I got it all, doll, don't you worry." He chuckled, placing the boxes on top of the counter then jumping over it to reach the other side. You rolled your eyes and got more of the boxes that were sitting lonely outside. You put a stopper right between the small gap between the floor and the door. "Nice place you got here!" You heard Bucky yell amidst the city noises. "Different kind of bar."

"You mean not like the kind of bar you go to?"

You heard him chuckle. "Yeah, that. This one's kind of vintage."

"Yeah." You replied, sticking your head out by the door frame. "Like you!"

He gave you a small chuckle. The bar did give off some vintage mood -- that was why it was a bar for everyone. The kids were now discovering and loving all kinds of vintage stuff, people in their fifties come here 'cause it reminded them of their time, and some are just curious.

On the inside of the bar, everyone was completely shut out from the outside. There were no windows, only color-stained glasses on the wooden walls near the ceiling. You can never tell day from night inside unless you look at the wall clock.

You pushed some of the boxes on the floor. You didn't have enough upper body strength to carry them all the way to the counter. By the time you reached Bucky, you carried the boxes one by one and placed them on the counter, then he carried them over to the other side.

"So vintage." He commented once again. "You even got a jukebox. Does that even work?" He motioned towards the jukebox.

You sensed he wanted to try it for himself so you told him he could give it a little push. He smiled and jumped over the counter once more. "You don't always have to jump, Bucky." You showed him the wooden counter pass-through he could easily open but his focus was set on the jukebox. He found the plug and waited for it to light up.

"Cool. Just like they do in the movies."

"Of course. What did you expect when you plugged that in?" You carried one box to the counter and stopped near the jukebox, leaning over it. "Besides, didn't you guys have this during your time?"

"You make it sound like I came from the fifties."

You raised your eyebrows, crossing your arms. "So, what did you guys have?"

"Cassettes." He mumbled.

"We had iPods. But at some point I think we did have cassettes, then the CD, then the iPods. Still doesn't change the fact that you're basically a dinosaur." Then you made a roaring sound which you thought was the sound of dinosaurs.

"That's not how a dinosaur sounds like, Aria."

"Of course, you'd know." You teased before going back to get some more boxes.

Bucky started to push some buttons until a mellow song played. "It's been a long, long time." He mumbled.

"What?" You asked and stopped pushing the boxes.

"The song. It's named 'It's been a long, long time.' A buddy of mine's favorite song. He and his girlfriend used to dance to it. Haven't heard this song for a long time. Quite nice."

"It is nice." You commented. "But it's too dramatic. Put some Beatles on!"

He chuckled and pushed more buttons until a song from The Beatles played.

You resumed moving all the things inside. As the boxes got heavier, assuming they were mostly the new plates and glasses, Bucky removed his polo shirt and dropped it somewhere. He was still wearing the tank top he had yesterday. "Remind me to buy Peter some new clothes."

"You're really gonna buy him new clothes?" You grunted, carrying a heavy box on the counter, passing it to Bucky.

"Yeah." He made a face, clearly struggling with the box. "I kinda destroyed what was half in his closet."

"I heard, yeah." You replied while walking to the front door to get the cases.

"You got some more back there?" Bucky yelled.

"It's the last one. I got it."

For the next hour, you and Bucky spent unpacking and placing everything where they were supposed to be. You had a few phone calls from Peter, most were just him checking up on Bucky. You promised to tell him you'd tell the whole fiasco at the White Wolf when he gets here in the bar.

"I'll be there as fast as I can." Peter replied before hanging up. You told Bucky about the phone call and he mumbled something under his breath you couldn't quite decipher. You decided to leave him be as he unloaded the last box.

Before you could even ask about the mean drink he was supposed to make, he emerged from behind the counter, holding up two bottles in his hand. "You up for some drinks?"

"As long as you pay for it."

On his hands were two expensive unopened bottles. As long as they were still half full and paid by Bucky, you wouldn't get in any kind of trouble with Steve.

"I got you, doll. Don't worry." He popped both of them open and grabbed two cups and a shaker as you sat down one of the stools, shaking off the nickname he'd been giving you ever since you arrived here at the bar.

You barely paid attention to the song still playing on the jukebox as you watched Bucky make his supposedly mean drink. He started to tell a story about how he learned to make his own drinks. Unlike Peter, he didn't bother to beat around the bush. He kept everything short and precise: A bartender friend of his taught him how to make drinks then experimented on his own in his penthouse where he had a mini bar just for himself, which was inside his own office. Odd, you thought. Most people would have them on the corner of the living room, with wine glasses dangling on hanging wine holders and shelves full of liquor. Bucky's mind worked in a different way.

Bucky's very short story made you wonder of all the other classic Bucky stories you've been told -- the long ones Peter would tell you. You wondered if they were only adventurous and wild in Peter's words. Would they have been different if you'd heard them from Bucky?

"I'm gonna name this drink after you." Bucky snapped you out of your train of thought.

"What?"

"This one." He carefully  handed me the drink. "I made it based on your personality."

"Bucky." You chuckled, gazing at the drink before me. Then returned it to him. "You don't even know me."

"And to think we were just engaged a while ago." He pursed his lips and leaned on the bar counter, then licked his lower lip. You tried your hardest not to give a quick glance at it but you obviously failed, so you stared at the drink in front of you once again.

"This drink is basically your judgement about me." You replied.

"It's a good judgement." He retorted. "Trust me."

"You're gonna pay, right?"

"Yeah, yeah." He playfully rolled his eyes. "Go on, try it."

Before you could even take a small sip, someone came in the door and your instinct was to say: "Sorry, we're closed right now" but it turned out to be Steve wearing denim on denim and a cap.

"Steve!" Quickly, you gave Bucky the drink he made you, then he hid it behind the counter where Steve could not take even a small peak. "Hey, I thought you were with your family."

Steve managed to catch his breath, leaning against the wall while keeping his eyes on you. "I have been calling you for the past few minutes. I thought you didn't make it here."

Your eyes widened, taking a quick glance at your phone which was on top of the bar counter. On the bright screen were a bunch of missed calls from Steve. You gave him an apologetic look and he just sighed as he walked towards the counter. Then, he caught a glimpse of Bucky who was right behind you.

"Right, right." You shook my head. "Bucky, this is Steve. He's my boss. And Steve, this is Bucky. He's Peter's stepbrother. He's just helping me out with the boxes."

There was an odd exchange between the two for a second or three. A knowing look. But you shrugged it off when Steve shook Bucky's hand over the counter. "Bucky. Nice to meet you."

Steve nodded. "Aren't you the owner of White Wolf?"

"That's me." Bucky chuckled, withdrawing his hand back after the friendly handshake.

Steve focused his attention back to you. "You could've called me y'know."

"It's okay. Bucky came to help. Besides," you gave Bucky a side glance, "he owes me."

"Zip it, doll."

You laughed, looking at Steve. "Aren't you supposed to be at your family gathering?" you asked, practically shooing Steve away, not wanting him to see Bucky making drinks behind the counter.

"Yeah, well I thought -- "

"Go, Steve. We're basically finished." You stood up and walked Steve out the door. Bucky yelled a simple goodbye as we walked.

"So," Steve whispered once we were at the door, "are you two..."

You gave him a look of disbelief. "What? No, no, no, no, no. We're not. We just met."

"That's what they all say."

"Rogers." You grunted as you opened the door. "Go."

"Wow, so eager to get me out of here. Are you gonna have sex on the floor?"

"Steve!"

"Please, don't have sex on the floor."

"No, we won't. Now go."

Steve laughed as he walked up the steps and hailed for a cab. "You say that now, Aria. Just remember to clean up afterwards."

[one-boring-person]

Cut Myself Shaving.

Stuntman Mike (Death Proof) x reader

Warnings: death, violence, injury, swearing , mention of nsfw

Context: Mike has a little helper in case things go awry.

A/n: I watched Death Proof yesterday and now I'm obsessed with Kurt Russell's character in it...he's such a creep but he's charming at the same time and for some reason that means I'm attracted to him 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ basically, I need help 🤡😅

Masterlist

"Fucking idiot." I curse to myself as I watch the two cars speed past me, both battered and in desperate need of new paint jobs, dust flying out behind them. From my carefully hidden spot in a side road, I can easily tell that my friend's plan hasn't worked: the white car is pursuing the familiar black one, one of the passengers - the blonde woman - leaning from the window, screaming and shouting at their quarry. It sends a wave of irritation through me, that the bastard would get as sloppy as he has done in recent months. His...habits...have always annoyed me (it's totally unnecessary and it means I have to watch him go after beautiful young girls) but he gave me a job out of it, so I never say anything. Somewhere along the line, he managed to fuck up, and picked me as his next target, only to find that when he tried to outdrive me, I drove much better than he did, with just as little care for what happens to the car as he has. The fucker let me in on his secret and I've been his backup ever since, in case anyone ever gets in the way of his little game. 

Now, it seems, I'm gonna have my work cut out for me.

Cursing again, I put the car into drive and gun it down the road, staying hidden behind a treeline, quickly moving through gears with smooth rapidity. Hanging onto the steering, I keep my breathing relaxed as the tyres screech beneath the speeding vehicle, my foot slamming down on the accelerator to get me level with my own targets. Engine roaring, the car jerks and bounces on the rough road surface, my harness keeping me from going through the windscreen a couple of times, the whole vehicle vibrating underneath me. 

Glancing out of my window every few seconds, I make sure I know where Mike and his pursuers are, swearing colourfully to myself as I realise that they're headed towards a busy main road, meaning it'll be harder for me to keep my presence unknown. In my head, I make a note to scold the stuntman for it later, planning a new route as I go, smirking as I figure out exactly how I'm going to save his sorry ass.

For once, I'm glad I looked at and memorized maps of the surrounding area, plus the construction records (I get a lot of free time) so I know what's coming up on this road, the split coming into view just as I expect it to. Taking the left road, I take a deep breath and slam my foot onto the accelerator, pressing a button on the steering wheel. Immediately, a new, more powerful thrum in the engine below me comes to life, growling like some rabid animal as the car springs forwards, the speed dial tapping uselessly at the far end of the spectrum.

Unable to help myself, I let out a cry of exhilaration, hanging onto the steering wheel as I take a bend far too fast, the wheels skidding slightly, only to straighten again under my expertise. With my new route in sight, I grin wildly and brace myself, listening to the car roar at me as I gun it over the edge of the roadside. 

The ground falls away beneath me, the car hurtling through the air towards a similar break in the road down below, where the two cars are just lifting off of the ground, going at a slower speed than mine but posing no less threat. My hands grip the wheel tightly, stomach dropping as the car starts to tip forwards, my muscles tensing in anticipation of what I know is coming.

Time seems to slow as I near them, my pulse pounding deafeningly in my ears, adrenaline coursing through me with the knowledge of what comes next. Staring through the windshield, I feel a smirk of satisfaction cross my face as one of the passengers of the white car turns and sees me, an expression of absolute fear and panic contorting her beautiful features, her eyes wide even as her mouth opens into a scream…

The cars slam into each other violently, the impact throwing me forwards into the harness, the straps jerking me back into my seat. My head falls forwards, heading for the steering wheel, though I manage to get my hands up before anything can happen, despite my knowledge that the safety harness will keep me from sustaining any real damage. Painful lines circle my arms and lap now from the straps, the wind knocked out of me from the sheer force of the collision. Glass flies into the car itself, the windows and windscreens of both vehicles shattering as we go hurtling towards the ground, many shards scraping over my bare arms and hands, leaving bloody wounds in their wakes.

The second impact throws me forwards again, my lungs struggling to force air into my body as the cars smash into the ground, rolling over each other roughly. Holding my arms closer to my body, I lift my hands up to protect my face, grunting as my shoulder is slammed against the side door. Nausea floods my system as the cars continue to roll a few times, my vision blurring over until we eventually come to a complete stop, mine resting just beside theirs. 

Taking a moment, I regain my composure, breathing deeply to fight off the shock threatening to overwhelm me, ignoring the violent tremor in my hands as I scramble for the buckle of the harness. Blood on my fingertips makes it hard for me to grip the clean metal, the digits slipping off of it a few times before I can unclasp myself, pain rapidly spreading through me as the adrenaline starts to wear off. Having unbuckled myself, I try the door beside me, sighing in relief as it comes open under my hands, allowing me to leave the death trap that is the wreckage. 

As I climb out, I grab my first aid kit from the glove compartment, hobbling from my trusty car with a slight sense of bitterness, knowing what I'll have to do to make sure Mike and I really are out of trouble. Glancing back at the main road, I'm glad to find that the crash site is not visible to the road users, so what I'll do now won't get me in any grief if someone were to see me. 

Approaching the crumpled white Dodge, I stoop down to look through the passenger window (the car is upside down), lifting an eyebrow as I realise the occupants are still alive...somehow. As I get closer, the passenger feebly looks up at me, confusion trying to creep into her agonized expression.

"Wh-who are you?" She croaks out, her voice totally shot.

Managing a cruel smirk, I reach into my pocket and bring out a box of matches, taking one out for her to see. 

"The Devil's sidekick." I rasp at her, relishing in the confusion in her eyes, watching as it turns to realisation and horror as I strike the match, lighting it. 

Straightening, I ignore her pleas for mercy, stepping away as I throw the match at the warped hood, adding a second to the undercarriage for good measure, knowing the fuel will catch soon enough. With some difficulty, I limp away from the two cars, getting about ten metres away before a deafening crack splits the air, the wreckage going up in flames in mere seconds. Now it's just a matter of finding my way to the person I've destroyed my car for. 

Thankfully, it doesn't take me long to find him, though when I do, I have to fight back a sound of exasperation. 

Stuntman Mike has pulled over into a deserted side road, just a mile down the main road, making sure he's well hidden, though the amount he's screaming and crying isn't going to keep him like that for long. He's still in his car, but he's left the window open so I can hear every sound of agony and frustration he's making, my heart tugging slightly at the cries of pain. Sighing, I make my way over, holding onto the roof of the car for support as my leg finally gives a little, my face twisting into a grimace. I must've made some noise when I did so, as Mike suddenly shouts in horror, the car engine starting to splutter as he tries to get the beaten vehicle to move again. Quickly, I reach the open window, which I now realise is smashed in, grabbing hold of it and ducking to look into the interior.

"It's me! Mike, calm down, it's me! (Y/n)!" I reassure him as he turns terror-stricken eyes on me, his face pale and bloodied from a blow to his cheek. 

"(Y/n)? What happened to you?" He breathes out, eyes roaming over me as he realises back into his seat, only to tense in pain again. 

"Cut myself shaving." I mutter in response, pulling the door open and moving to help him out, having noticed that he's in worse shape than I thought he'd be.

Taking his weight, I bite back a sound of discomfort as my leg protests, my shoulder aching from where it connected with my car but I ignore it, dragging him from the driver's seat. Slinging his arm over my shoulders, I help him hobble over to a nearby rock, setting him down on it with a sigh, standing back to look him over, glad I brought my first aid kit now. 

The stuntman is cradling his left arm, where a patch of his t-shirt has come away to reveal bloodied skin, his face splattered with the crimson stuff. Purple bruising blooms on one cheek, curling up over his gnarled scar and around his weaker eye, skin grazed away in places from the ferocity of the blow. He looks thoroughly shaken, eyes wide, breaths coming hard and fast, body trembling with the fading adrenaline. 

Sighing, I go closer, kneeling beside the rock he's sat on to look at his injuries, looking up at him as I reach out to touch his arm. Reluctantly, he nods, his ego bruised as I gently place a hand on his bicep.

"Careful, I'm pretty sure it's broken." He murmurs, wincing as I feel over the tensed muscles, trying not to get too distracted by the proximity. 

"Yeah, got it." I mumble, chewing my lip in consternation, "You're gonna have to take this off."

Gesturing to his shirt, I lean forwards to help him out of the garment, pulling it carefully over his head. Mike gives me a slightly embarrassed look, but I dismiss it and open the first aid kit, swallowing as I look over his torso. For a guy his age he's really not a bad looking guy - the man has stayed somewhat in shape over the years - making it hard to concentrate, especially as I realise I'm going to have to kneel between his legs in order to get to the wound properly. 

Blushing, I pull some gauze and rubbing alcohol out of the kit, taking up a position between his thighs where I can easily reach the bloody puncture wound in his shoulder. He watches me closely as I reach up and feel over his back for an exit wound, glad to find one even as he tenses and hisses under my touch. Knowing I need to work quickly, I get started, cleaning up the puncture as best I can, wiping away blood enough so that I can plug the hole and tape it up, sticking a bandage over it. I go to repeat this on his other side, working quickly. 

"How the hell did you get shot?" I ask him after a moment, finding the silence between us awkward. 

"One of those bitches pulled a gun on me.  Shot at me a couple of times, before it hit me. Hurts like a bitch." Mike explains, hissing again as I prod the wound a little too hard. 

"She pulled a gun? How did you even get close enough?" I'm confused as to his story, having only seen that it ended in him being chased onto the freeway. 

Allowing me to continue working on his injuries, Mike recites his version of events, voice strained in pain and fatigue, eyes never leaving me as I move around him, cleaning up his scrapes and bruises. After a while, I end up at his face, carefully dabbing at a few grazes with an alcohol-soaked piece of gauze. Standing this close to him, I can feel his every breath on my cheek, vaguely aware of the fingers clutching at my jacket every now and then as I go over a particularly painful spot, my pulse picking up slightly. 

"...next thing I know, you're at my window looking like you just walked through hell." He finishes, licking his lips to wet them again as he pulls his shirt back on.

"Feels like I did." I laugh dryly, leaning back as I finish on his face, "I'll be back in a sec, hang on."

Quickly, I limp over to his car again, rifling through his things in the compartment by his seat before pulling a small bottle from the rubbish. Going back to him, I stand in front of him and hold it up.

"Mind if I…?" I gesture to him, pointing at his arm, which I've now put in a sling to keep out of harm's way.

The stuntman nods, tilting his head back as I step into his personal space again, standing between his legs. Carefully, I open the bottle and lean over him, gently placing a hand on his face to steady myself, trying not to let the butterflies in my stomach disturb me as his blue pupils fix on me. Slowly, I drip a few drops into his eyes, using a thumb to wipe away any stray droplets, almost smiling as he leans into my touch slightly. I pull away reluctantly, screwing the bottle back up and chucking it at the first aid kit before I take a seat beside him, inadvertently sitting close enough that our thighs are touching. 

Sighing, I reach into my pocket, pulling a pack of cigarettes out and removing one, offering them to him as I grab the box of matches from before again. He doesn't take one, saying something about sharing mine, watching me closely as I light it. Taking the first breath of smoke, I close my eyes and enjoy the burning of the cloud entering my lungs, slowly breathing it out again a moment later. Wordlessly, I hand the smoke to him, willing to share with him as I've always done, keeping my eyes closed for now. 

After a while, Mike hands the cigarette back, letting me take it as I stay blinded, placing the roll of paper and tobacco between my lips to puff on it languidly. It's not too long after that I feel a hand gingerly come to rest on my knee. Confused, I keep my eyes closed, not minding the contact and curious to see where this goes, holding back a gasp as he moves the strong grip further up my leg, closing his fingers over my thigh. A rustle and stifled grunt of pain alerts me to his movements, though it still shocks me a little as he leans in to smooth some hair from my face, removing the grip from my leg. Opening my eyes again, I look over at him, surprised to see him gazing at me with an intense expression on his face. 

Upon seeing me look, he cups my cheek, stroking his thumb over my cheekbone in a gentle manner I've never seen him display. I don't know what comes over me, but I suddenly find myself talking.

"Please don't do anything like that again." I murmur, voice quiet, "I don't know what I'd do if something happened."

Mike looks taken aback, shock clouding his features as he regards me, as if he never expected this level of closeness with me.

"Please, Mike. I don't know why, or how, but I've come to care about you, and I couldn't bear it if you weren't around." I inform him, looking down in embarrassment, blushing furiously. 

It's quiet for a long moment, before he suddenly leans in closer, breath ghosting over my face until he seals my lips with his. Tenderly, the stuntman kisses me, gently coaxing me into moving with him, one hand slipping round to tangle in my hair. Shocked, I feel my eyes close in surprised pleasure, body melting into him as he pulls me closer, our lips moving in perfect sync, his slightly rougher ones warm against my softer ones. It's not long before I feel his tongue slip out to flick against my lower lip, but before I can open up for him, he pulls away, resting his forehead against mine.

"I'll be more careful, I swear." He hums, stroking back my hair with his good hand, "For you, I'll be careful."

Smiling, I lean back in, kissing him softly on the lips, moving with him as he gently encourages me to sit on his lap, my legs straddling his as he wraps his arm around me. Pulling me flush against him, he kisses me passionately, swallowing the sounds of pleasure leaving me, splaying his hand on my back as I card mine through his thick hair. This time as he licks at my lips, I let him in immediately, letting the slick muscle slide inside to explore and rub alongside my own. Avoiding his bad arm, I moan into the kiss and pull on his hair, eliciting a groan from him. 

He pulls away again after some time, staring into my eyes with a care and love  I've never seen in them before, my heart skipping a beat as he smiles up at me, a genuine smile. Not his usual scheming smirk.

"Come on, let's go home. I wanna show you just how careful I can be." Mike smirks, his hand skimming down to squeeze a handful of my ass, making my hips rock forwards suddenly into his. He groans, helping me stand.

With his words in mind, I help him over to the car, opening the back door for him to climb in.

"I'm not letting you drive with one arm, and this is safer than the passenger's seat." I say as he shoots me a questioning look.

Mike shrugs and mutters an agreement, climbing into the seat behind me, waiting for me to get into the driver's seat and fasten myself in before talking again. 

"What happened to your car?" He asks, his good hand reaching round to run his fingers over my arm.

"Used it to blow up those bitches coming after you." I inform him, somewhat saddened by the loss of the vehicle - I had loved it.

"Thanks, sugar." He says, using his favourite nickname, most likely aware of the effect it has on me, especially as I feel him lean closer to the back of the seat, nosing at the side of my neck. Deftly, his tongue flicks out to lick over my pulse point, lips pressing against it to suck a mark, there drawing a moan from me.

"Gonna have to get you a new car, hm?" He almost purrs into my ear, biting my ear lobe before retreating again.

Feeling heat rushing to my core, I reluctantly put the car into drive and start to pull away, going slow as I wait for him to settle back into his seat and buckle himself up.

"That would be great." I chuckle, shakily.

"Yeah, it will be. Means I'll have somewhere else to fuck you besides mine and the bed." I blanch at his lewd words, feeling a heated need explode inside me at the idea of what he's suggesting.

As I pull away, I can't help but go faster than usual, using all my expertise to get us home as quickly as possible.

-

Tag list- @feirceangel @xlmonster-mashlx

[normal-thoughts-official]

what are your thoughts about izzy and alec’s sibling bond from the scenes we got from the show

i liked their relationship a lot, actually. which is not to say that it was flawless, but the flaws we got to see were honestly some of what made me the most interested in them. and then of course sh dropped it like a hot potato, but like... it was still pretty interesting to me

disclaimer that this is my own Abused Kid™ stuff projecting for sure, but i still think the way i see their relationship makes sense (or well, i'm not sure if i would say my parents were abusive, but they are quite a lot like the lightwoods in their own way and i definitely consider the lightwoods abusers, so it doesn't really matter that much). so like this will probably feature a fair amount of oversharing lol

anyway! so what i find really interesting and really like about alec and izzy's relationship is that despite the fact that them having abuser parents who honestly put them in very specific "kid who always fucks up" vs "kid who is expected to do everything perfect" roles, they managed to still be friends and on each other's side and have an overall very loving and supporting relationship. i think that's what attracted me to their sibling bond the most, because for decades me and my brother didn't really manage to be close or build a relationship precisely because of those roles. in our case, my brother was the fuckup kid, i was the kid who had to always be perfect (in my case, lowkey to "compensate" for him) and it led to him resenting me and being all but afraid of me because everything i did seemed to be so much better than him in my parent's eyes, so... yeah

so it always struck me as pretty interesting that alec and izzy seemed to be genuinely so close. izzy is one of the few people who gets alec to smile and who gets to ever touch alec, and although they have a lot of differences, it always came down way more to teasing than to actual fighting between them

but also - which is partially why i said that their flaws were part of what drew me to them the most - the tensions that emerged from that abusive background were very much there, and i found that pretty interesting

another disclaimer that i tend to relate to alec more, because i was in the same role as him, but also tend to be very forgiving towards izzy because i see my brother in her and i blame myself for our relationship way more than him since he was the weakest link there lol. but also in part i think i project unto her in the sense that i kept trying to make things easier to my brother, but i kept fucking up because i didn't fully understand his situation, and i definitely think that's what went on with izzy and alec

so let's get into the details of how the whole "fuckup kid" vs "golden kid" (and disclaimer before ppl come yell at me again: i'm not saying that alec was treated well by his parents or that they treated him like he was good enough, because they definitely didn't. i'm saying that when compared to izzy he was considered the kid that had potential, that could be trusted, and who had the most amount of pressure put unto. again, that was how i was treated by my parents, so miss me with the "wow you think alec had it easy?" shit because i know damn well he did not lol. the "golden kid" is an abuse archetype and therefore it means you are abused. calm down) thing affected their relationship in particular

so alec was the eldest, and i think from very early on he latched unto the expectations his parents had for him as a way to protect himself and make sense of the world. i was telling autistic alec anon just today how i think that the fact that shadowhunter culture was so black and white and gave alec such a clear sense of what he was supposed to do and who he was supposed to be kind of helped him navigate the world because it made it easier for him to figure out the path to follow when everything else was just so confusing and the expectations were so crushing and everything he felt was so complicated. i think alec's always known that he didn't conform, and because he didn't have a safe outlet to let that out, he decided to just go by the book to protect himself. which is valid

that being said, i think the other half of the reason why he decided to pursue the "perfect shadowhunter" existence so hard was exactly because of izzy (and later jace and max). because again, alec is the eldest, and he was already being crushed by expectations of upholding the lightwood name and following the rules and whatnot. like, maryse and robert basically expected their kids to undo all the shit they had done when they joined the circle, and they didn't even tell them that that was the reason, so they were probably just taught that they should do what the lightwoods said because and that was that. and because there were all these stakes that they didn't even understand or know about, the pressure was harder

and alec was already being taught to be a leader, and he loved his sister, so he probably wanted to shield her from all the pressure of those expectations, because he knew he was out there fucking killing himself for it. so i think part of the reason he tried so hard to be perfect was because, if he was perfect, izzy (and then jace and max) would get to breathe a little bit. alec is pretty self sacrificial and definitely has a tendency to shoulder suffering in the place of ppl he loves, so i don't think that's far fetched. also, we saw how alec literally shouldered all the blame for jace's fuckups, despite the fact that jace did it all behind alec's back and with alec telling him not to do it (i'm saying jace because from what i remember what got alec punished in particular was something that jace and clary did, not izzy, but izzy was definitely also going against whatever alec told her to and i have no doubt that he would shoulder the blame for her as well, although i don't think she would use that against him, unlike some people. but i digress). but alec just allowed himself to be punished for it like it was on him, so i think it makes sense to believe that alec tried to take the brunt of their parents' pressure so izzy wouldn't have to

and the thing is that i think that izzy... never realized that. i mean, i'm sure she realized that alec was trying way too hard to be what their parents expected of her, but she never realized that she was part of the reason. and she tried to get him to rebel a little bit because she thought that he needed it, and i mean, she was right, but what she didn't realize is that the fact that alec didn't rebel was so she could. not that izzy was not facing consequences for her rebelling, because we saw how maryse treated her versus how she treated alec and jace (it's very interesting to me also how once jace came into the picture he became an actual golden kid, not a "golden kid" like the abused kid who is put as impossibly better than the other one but still never good enough, but actually good enough, and how that was used to put alec in that position where he had to work even harder as well. but that's for another post)

and that's the frustrating part (and i think the part i relate to izzy for the most) because i think she was genuinely trying to help? but she never really understood alec. i was also talking earlier today (or was it yesterday? rip my time blindness but it was definitely recent) about how many people seem to understand alec's coming out story as an internalized homophobia story, and how i don't think that's how it was at all. i don't wanna repeat myself so if anyone's interested in that it's here. and the thing is, i think izzy made the same mistake. she falsely assumed that alec didn't rebel because he genuinely internalized that being gay was bad and because he was lying to himself about it, but that wasn't the case at all. alec knew he was gay and accepted that, he just decided to stay in the closet and live life that way. which obviously is horrible and traumatic, but it's different, and because izzy couldn't tell the difference, she made it worse

izzy kept trying to make alec "accept" himself, but alec didn't really have a problem accepting himself; he just wanted to keep that a secret to protect himself. but because she thought that he was in denial, she kept trying to push him to... not exactly admit because i wouldn't say she was all like "alec just say it you'll feel better" but to maybe "face" it, and alec interpreted that as her demanding that he came out of the closet, which he couldn't do. so he kept closing off and she kept interpreting that as him being in denial, so she kept pushing, and she made things infinitely worse for him even if i am 100% sure her intentions were good (just look at how protective she was of alec and magnus during the beginning of their relationship, or how she tried to get maryse and robert to marry her off instead of alec, or the difference between how clary and jace talked about it - "you're in love with jace"; "this is about your feelings" - and how izzy talked about it - "alec, it's okay") but as we say in brazil, hell is filled to the brim with good intentions

that is not to say that izzy didn't go on that straight shit from time to time ("we all got our things, don't we?" comes to mind, but i gotta say it really pisses me off how everyone talks about izzy being homophobic in that scene and completely ignores how openly racist alec was. like obviously both are fucked up, but yall clearly seem to think only one of these is a problem. but that's for another post) but i think that generally her intentions were always to get alec to be more comfortable with himself/happier. she noticed how much the lightwood's expectations were crushing him, but again, she didn't realize that alec was choosing to take the brunt of these. she didn't realize that he couldn't rebel like she did because of her. not until it was too late

i think izzy only started to realize that - particularly how much of her rebelling was only allowed because alec was there as a safe option so they couldn't afford to have a "fuckup child" even if obviously they still hated that they couldn't control izzy - when she tried to get the lightwoods to marry her instead of alec and they were like... lol? it's alec who's supposed to save the lightwood name, not you. you are worthless as a bride and as a peace offering

and that's when it hit her that alec was taking a role, a role that he had been effectively protecting her from having to take, but that also meant she couldn't help him

i think that's when she realized, because you can see the change in her behavior, you know - "you stood by me, so now i'm standing by you, big brother". she understood that alec was trying to protect her the same way she had tried to protect him and never realized, but that by trying to get alec to just stop without thinking about what the greater picture was for him, she was just making things harder for him. i think that was some very interesting growth we got to see

and on the other hand alec didn't realize that izzy had been trying to protect him as well. like i think that she definitely laid the whole "fuckup kid" thing too thick, which was partially for herself, like, basically embracing the role because she would never be good enough for the lightwoods so why not just accept that she was a fuckup and be everything they despised? but i think she also partially did it for alec, because she wanted to show him that it was okay. that there could be a life that wasn't just doing what your parents expected you to. and like, sure, she got treated like shit for it, and she faced some forms of abuse that alec didn't (mainly touch/affection withdrawal from what we got to see in the show, but also considerable more verbal degrading. again im not saying alec had it easy, especially because we know that the parts where maryse expressed "pride" over him were basically used to make him do what she wanted; but still, the difference in treatment is very clear), but she was still standing, so it was possible, see?

i don't even think this is something i had to defend a lot because she said it so many times? she was always telling alec that he could loosen up, that it was okay (she said the exact words "it's okay" many times). she had a kinda, idk, sassy attitude over it, generally treating it like a joke, but imo that was because she knew that if she talked about it in all seriousness alec would shut down, like he had many times. so i think by making it into a joke and playing the mindless "woo i don't care about anything" character she was trying to have that conversation in a more subtle way. at the very least, alec was amused

and i think a huge part of the fandom also misinterprets izzy as being exactly that shallow person who only thought about immediate gratification that she pretended to be but honestly i don't see that at all? throughout all of season 1, the single thing that drove izzy's character was her desire to protect alec, except for when she tried to save meliorn from him, which was like.... just the decent thing to do. and izzy is not a shallow character. she is not stupid. and she is not primarily driven by her own desires. that is not to say that izzy was never selfish (see: how she treated raphael, so much shit about sizzy), but she is not the kind of character who only does whatever the fuck she wants to because it sounds more fun that's jace and clary. most of the time, her primary motivation was to help alec or clary, aka people that she loves. i think that, like alec, she is the kind that only extends that protectiveness over the people closest to her and is not really the "helping everyone out" type, but she is also not completely self-absorbed like she pretended to be. and i don't think she even cared all that much about parties and whatnot. like when did we see her going to one on her own without it being a mission? when did we see izzy actually pursuing one night stands? that is not to say that these things are bad, but if izzy were that girl who only cares about sleeping around and having fun like she pretended to be, then one would think we would see her actually doing that instead of just performing that shallow mindless sexy girl stereotype?

and like look i know that she was written to be a sexy lamp or whatever but if the writers aren't gonna care enough about her to make that consistent and show her doing that beyond what she says i might as well go there and give her the depth that she deserves. especially because we got to see izzy talk about that so much. like her saying that one of the things that attracted her to raphael was that for once in her life it didn't feel like everything was all about sex. i find it appalling that people genuinely think that that's all she's about when she made it so clear that it bothered her. like imo izzy took on that role, again, to piss off her parents, and also because it was something that she was good at. she was good at being sexy and she got gratification and positive feedback over that, which she was obviously starved for since her own mother wouldn't even fucking hug her. it was the one thing she didn't fuck up at and that got her to feel like she was treasured, even if really she was just desired

not just that but izzy also consistently made hard choices for those she loved? like im not gonna say that izzy going to save meliorn from torture was anything less than the bare minimum but if she were that shallow self centered persona that only wanted to have fun and didn't care about the consequences she wouldn't have put so much on jeopardy to save them. or risk being deruned and losing everything so she could call the clave out on their bullshit. or break up with meliorn (someone we know she genuinely liked) so she could offer herself to be married off to someone in alec's place. the one thing that we know izzy would be miserable over, because that woman was not born to be no one's trophy wife. and she was fully ready and willing to throw her WHOLE life away for alec. that would be FOREVER. miss me with that "izzy is a shallow girl who only cares about herself and partying" shit

like to me it's very clear that that was a front (especially because the way she talked about it was SO over the top too, like, it sounded so fake. and when we got scenes of her talking to alec or to clary she was a wholly different person, way less confident, way softer. honestly izzy could have been such a great narrative about woc and hypersexualization and the traps of taking over that "femme fatale" role as a form of empowerment or whatever, but of course sh doesn't have the range for that) and i think that front was first and foremost for alec's sake. she was trying to break him out of the lightwood's brainwashing. what she didn't realize was that he wasn't brainwashed, he was making a choice between the very bad options that he had. and alec in turn didn't realize that izzy acted the way she did, in great part, for him, not for herself. i wouldn't say that alec bought that izzy was a shallow girl because we know how much he loves her and that he knows her better than anyone, but i think he also didn't realize she was trying to help/protect him

so it was such an interesting miscommunication issue and i would have loved to see that actually addressed and worked on, but alas. the most we ever got was them talking about being honest to each other about the yin fen. and izzy pretty much didn't get real plotlines or character development anyway daoijdaoij except for the absolute bullcrap that was the yin fen which i am not going to get into because it makes me so angry and i hate it so much

and then of course sh didn't really get into it and basically considered the problem solved once alec came out, which i mean, i guess does take that out of the way when it was the main miscommunication problem between them, but still, they should have had a talk and realized what a stupid dance they were both having and how they would have both benefitted from working together instead of in the name of each other. which is a frequent trope for alec in relationships anyway, too, so it could be a good introduction to these issues, but alas!

in short: i think both alec and izzy love each other very much, have each other's best interests at heart, but weren't really seeing each other as they were. and they both put a front for each other (izzy in particular) that made communication pretty much impossible. and they ended up not being very good for each other (particularly izzy for alec, but i think alec also made her feel alone and like he saw her as.. just some stupid girl, you know?), but i loved to see how these things were there simultaneously. the wanting to help each other and the effectively only making things worse. the love that was so present and so strong despite all of that. the way that they never became competitive or resented each other like kids who are raised with those dynamics usually get. i just love how there was so much going on and so many problems but still so much love between them. i really wished we got to see it actually get some sort of closure and more exploration, but. fuck me i guess

[zet-sway]

@the-wip-project day 35:

I don't know what today's question is but I gotta write a wall of text about what happened last night because holy shit

I was on the verge of falling asleep and, like I usually do, I decided to hunt for some spicy fanfics to read on my phone. I found one.

All my posts are long but this one is real fucking long. CW for touching on dub-con and injury mentioned in the type of context it probably shouldn't be.

It's time for me to admit that not only am I a oneshot writer, I'm also a oneshot reader. I am drawn to short fanfics. If I click on a chaptered fic, it's (usually) because it's rated E for smut and I'll go in with every intention of skimming it for the spicy bits. I'm not proud of this. I've avoided saying this for years because I don't want to disappoint people who work hard on their very long and well thought out chaptered stories. I have a short attention span, and I know what I want.

But anyway, last night I clicked on a fic with 5 chapters and some amount of words, around 30k? Long, by my standards, but I was tired and I just wanted something to read while I dozed off.

This particular fic hooked me in, though. I still skimmed it, but the writing was so unique in a way that made me writhe with writer's envy and admiration. Whoever wrote this had their own language - nothing borrowed - their own vision.

I guess I should tell the good people who read my posts (ya'll, seriously, thank you) that the fic in topic is called Fault Lines by Recidiva on AO3. I would link to it but uhhhh I may be using my work PC for "extracurricular purposes" right this moment ^^; so maybe when I get home I'll remember to add it.

I skimmed it - like I said above - for the spicy parts. It generally follows the plot of Bioware's canon. Thane begins as possessive and manipulative, likely uncomfortably close to dub-con for a lot of people. He kisses her and knows full well that his kiss will make her willing but intoxicated, and how he will use that to fulfil himself. But as the story progresses, he falls in love. Their relationship is what I'll call "edgy." Both of them are renegades. There's a scene where they get down in the shuttle after a fight and they're both still injured and it borders on downright unrealistic but fuck it, it's fanfic and I bought it. However their relationship develops a certain heart-wrenching tenderness. She asks him what Siha means over and over again, and eventually tells him she thinks "bitch" when he says it. But in that moment they have a playful banter, he knows full well she's probably already looked it up on the extranet, and they fall into bed together. The smut is mind-boggling.

By the time it gets to Shepard's arrest, he's taken up a place on Earth and visits her, breaks into her house arrest. There's a scene where they see each other for the first time in a while, she tells him how much she's missed his mouth and how it's not right how bad she wants him, and wants him bad enough to smother him with affection. She says something to the effect of "if you're looking to die, I'd volunteer to be the cause," implying that her lust is powerful enough to endanger his life. And it was at this moment I realized I fucked up.

It's established that I live in my own headcanon and I'm not burdened with considering the end of Thane's life as part of my fics. And the suspension of disbelief was such that I forgot he doesn't make it. So at this moment in the fic, chapter 4 out of 5, I realized "Oh shit this isn't going to have a happy ending." I skipped to the end right away, I wanted to confirm my fears.

In their final exchange, she asks him to lie to her - something that's repeated in other chapters of the story. I forget what he says, I was reading desperately, but he asks her in return to tell him something true. She kisses him and tells him she loves him, and he breathes his last breath with the lingering tingle of their kiss to carry him to the other side.

I was so entrenched in the depth of their relationship up to that point. The level of fathomless love the author conveyed, unlike anything I've ever managed to write before, but more realistic to my own understanding of love as I've experienced it. Not because they're renegades, but just the selflessness with which they feel, communicate, banter, and make love.

When I read that last paragraph, something inside me broke. That sounds dramatic but that's honestly how I would describe it. It felt like waking up from a night terror, when you bolt up in bed from a dream so bad you immediately get up even if it's 4am because nothing feels real and you're so terrified you have to get up and do something - literally anything to take your mind off it, to ease you back into reality. I put my phone down and stared into the darkness of my bedroom and told myself "it's just a fanfic, no need to get upset." And then I started to cry and I didn't stop for 30 minutes.

My husband was downstairs watching Bohemian Rhapsody and I went down there and wrapped myself around him so tight and cried. Bless this man, from the bottom of my heart - bless him - for his unfathomable kindness. I felt like a fucking fool because I was crying over fanfiction but he paused his movie and just listened while I tried to articulate how it wasn't exactly about the character death, or the characters at all, it was just the writing and how it wormed into my brain so convincingly. I felt the loss like it was my own loss. I am terrified of losing my husband. So many feelings coalesced and I realized one day I may be in that situation, kissing the man I love goodbye for the last time, never to hold him again. I'm at work right now and I'm tearing up because it's so hard.

I tip my hat to the author, but I genuinely wished I hadn't read that fanfic. And isn't it kind of funny after that grandstand I took yesterday about not wanting to write the pain of loss and grief, that I ended up reading it instead and probably fucking myself up just as badly, if not worse, than if I had tried to write it myself?

It gets worse, too. Because it got me thinking about my own writing, and how I could never hope to achieve what that author did. So I sat there crying out my painfeelings while simultaneously feeling like a shit writer and like nothing I put out matters. I got up from the couch, sat down at my PC and picked up where I left off in the Omega DLC in ME3 because video games are great for taking the mind off things. It didn't exactly help with the intensity I'd hoped for, but I managed to fall asleep, by 3am.

Fast forward to this morning. I dragged my sorry ass out of bed 4 hours later and drove to work. By some fucking miracle, no one is here right now except our field director. And I'm stewing in how this one fic really fucked me up bad, reconsidering everything. I feel like I've been put in my place.

So what changed?

Yesterday I posted about how I'm struggling to write a plotline. I know what happens, but I'm not interested in the little bits that tie it together. I want to write the romance. I think there's a way to write the plot and the romance at the same time, but it's damn hard.

I started doing this because I wanted to grow my skills as a writer, and I knew it might be more than I could chew. I'm at that moment now where I'm about ready to give up.

Even if I felt like a shit writer last night (and still kinda do this morning), I know that the stuff I've put out has value. We can't all write these epically tragic smut-romance-renegades-to-lovers tales, we'd all be sad all the damn time. There's a time and a place and - I would argue - even a need for lighterhearted fic out there. There are really no rules. I'm confident in what I know how to do.

But the plot. Fuck it, man. I think maybe I'm trying too hard to be something I'm not. I'm trying really hard to write like other people. I may have mentioned before that I saw a post about how many artists spend their time pining for the skills of others, thinking "wow, when I can draw like that, I'll have made it as an artist." That same post cautioned against this, basically saying you already have your own unique style, it's just harder to see through the lens of your own eyeballs. It's fine to challenge yourself but try to acknowledge what you do that sets you apart already. I feel like I have that something - maybe not to the extent that I wish, but I have something.

So what's the point of the plot? Why do I need to tell my readers how I cured Keprals? I'm asking myself important questions here. I like to think I've come up with ideas that no one else has, but as I said above, I don't read a lot of chaptered fics. I very well may have come to the same ideas as other writers and I'm not even aware of it. I don't know if my ideas are unique but I still arrived at them all by myself.

The challenge here - the thing I'm struggling so much with - is how to put them together with the same elegance of my fellow writers. I'm looking at you, shrios fam (yeah I'm calling you that, yall know who you are). I know I can write words, but it's like I have a bunch of pieces from completely different jigsaw puzzles and I'm struggling to make a new picture out of them. I struggle with the transitions between them.

The point here is I have to find my own way. And I have to stop taking myself so seriously. In fact this level of "seriousness" is one of the things that got me into so much angst over World of Warcraft over the last two years. At least I know how to recognize it.

I have to find my own way. I have my own things that are worth sharing. The author I read last night had a language all their own, and I have a language all my own too. Their wordplay was actually more choppy than I would ever write. I've talked before about how I'm scared of starting too many sentences with pronouns, how I maybe write too many run-on sentences, whatever. This author did that with reckless abandon. It worked for them. So if they can make that shit work, I can make my own shit work.

I have to find my own way.

My most current WIP is Thane and Shepard's first time. I've been working on it pretty nonchalantly because I hadn't intended to publish it until I built up to it. It takes place further into my timeline, and it would probably ruin the point of a slow burn if I put it out there now. There are some really memorably moments in this WIP, and there are other moments that need to be smoothed over as well. I never knew what I'd really imagined for their first time but I think I've mostly developed something that's unique in its own right, and I think will be fun for people to read.

I'm just so fucking torn over what to do with it. I feel guilty for working on it. I should be writing "other shit" leading up to it but I don't fucking want to. I actually wrote probably 2-3k words this weekend, which is a pretty staggering amount by my standards. Some of it was for this smutty WIP and some was for something I just threw together, Thane observing Shepard on Horizon and the emotional toll it takes on her. He's seeing her humanity. I don't know if it's worth it to continue but I wrote a lot of it and the words are more precise than usual for a draft, I don't know. I have so much fucking insecurity. Fuck dude. I want to write this longfic, but I don't want to write it. I want to skim to the spicy bits like I always do.

I am wracked with insecurity, of my own making. I know what I can do but I feel compelled to see this idea through. Somehow I have to find my own way.

TLDR I feel like if I don't publish something soon I'm going to burst and I don't even know what the fuck to work on first and fjslfjsojoiejrj

I would be really down for, like, a bunch of hugs and a bowl of ice cream shared over memes and fanservice.

[collecting-stories]

Ulysses - JJ (Outer Banks)

Request: hi! i’ve never asked on tumblr before but i love your blog so i thought i’d give it a shot :) i love all of your obx imagines! could i please request something with jj where it’s just really fluffy and cute and general good vibes! i totally understand if not and i’m so sorry if requests are closed i’m still new to all of this! thank you so much xx

A/N: Basically JJ has a crush on an especially bookish girl and tries to impress her by tackling the novel Ulysses. 

///

“Give me like...I don’t know, what do you talk about when you’re flirting with a girl?” JJ asked, standing beside Pope and Kiara outside the small beach front bookshop. He kept pulling on the straps of his backpack and then loosening them.  

“When has Pope flirting with a girl ever worked in his favor?” Kiara teased.  

“Thanks a lot Kie.”

“Well like,” JJ sucked on his vape, trying to calm himself down, “what do smart people talk about?”

“Can I ask why we’re here?”  

JJ had texted Kiara and Pope that he had an emergency and needed them ASAP. Both of them had rushed through getting dressed and gotten all the way to the address he had given them only to realize JJ was standing outside of the bookshop. It wasn’t three weeks ago that, at a party on the beach, he’d seen you. JJ knew you from school, he’d seen you in classes. Once in ninth grade when everyone had to give presentations in front of the whole class he’d sat in the back listening to you talk about America in the 1960’s and told John B that he was going to date you. It never happened but he’d had a crush on you since then. And when he saw you at the party he thought it was some kind of crazy fate. He’d tried every dumb party trick he usually did and whatever jokes he could possibly think of but nothing seemed to work. You laughed but not in the way that suggested you were remotely interested in him or thought he was cool. And then yesterday he’d seen you in the window of the bookshop by chance when he was headed down to meet up with John B.  

“Her.” JJ pointed to where you sat behind the counter, reading.  

“I’m sorry, you called us down here to stalk some girl?” Kiara laughed.  

“You don’t get it Kie, I pulled out all the stops last time I saw her and she was totally uninterested.”

“What’d she say?”  

“Nothing really,” JJ replied. “It was what she didn’t say.”

“Invite her on the Pogue or something.” Pope offered.

“Do something, we look like creepy stalkers.” Kiara said, grabbing Pope’s sleeve and yanking him to the side just as you looked up, “JJ!”  

JJ’s usual fight or flight instinct seemed to malfunction when you looked up. He just froze, standing there with his vape hanging out of his mouth, staring at you with wide eyes. You looked startled for a minute before you offered him a wave. You remembered the party on the beach, he’d been funny and you had thought that he’d been interested but then he’d gone to refill his cup and never come back. Now he was standing outside the bookshop you worked in, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

“JJ!” Kiara hissed. She stood just out of view with Pope. “Go in.”

He looked at her, still wide eyed, “what?”

“Go the fuck inside before she thinks you’re a creep.”  

“Right. Right.” JJ sucked on his vape, blowing smoke out of his mouth and nose before heading inside. He could do this, he could manage this.  

The bell above the door chimed as he walked inside, trying to play off his unusual level of nervousness by thumbing through books as he passed them. He couldn’t tell if any of these were smart people books. What did smart people read? What had their English teacher that year been harping on him to try and read? Something about an island.

“Can I help you find something?” You asked, watching him bump into a stack of books near the self-help shelf.  

“Yeah, yeah,” JJ nodded a little too enthusiastically, taking his cap off to run a hand through his hair before fixing it back on. Play it cool. “Hey, do I know you?” Good.

You frowned. He hadn’t come back from getting a beer but you had done a fair amount of self-preservative talking, reassuring yourself that you weren’t completely unmemorable. “I was at the party a few weeks ago.”

“Oh yeah, cool cool. Uh, what are you reading?” He asked, looking at the closed book on the counter.  

“Walden, by Henry David Thoreau.” You held it up for him to see the cover. “So, did you need help finding a book?”

“Uh,” JJ looked around the area he was in, scanning titles on the literature shelf. Something had to sound smart right? What sounded the smartest? “This one.” He grabbed a book and set it down on the counter.

“Seriously?” You had known ‘of’ JJ for a while. You went to the same school and on the days when he did show up for class nothing about him suggested that he was doing some heavy reading in his spare time. “Okay.” The party was the first time he’d ever actually spoken to you and, as much as you had enjoyed hanging out with him, you still didn’t think he was on the fast track to reading complicated literary works.  

“Cool, thanks.” He nodded. Over his shoulder, outside, Kiara and Pope were standing at the window watching the two of you. Neither of them looked hopeful about the interaction. “I’ll see you around or something?” He asked once he had the book in hand.

“Yeah, I’ll see you around.” You smiled, hopeful that he might actually mean it.

-

JJ kept the book in his backpack for two weeks before he finally took it out and tried to read it. After a day of surfing, when he couldn’t sleep, he’d gone outside and sat in the hammock in John B’s yard, trying to read the book. It was almost too dark to see and he held a flashlight between his chest and chin as he tried to make sense of the story he was reading. When John B had heard about the encounter he had ragged on his best friend for days. JJ, reading? What was the world becoming?  

He looked for you at other parties over the course of those two weeks but he didn’t see you. He knew he could find you at the bookstore but he didn’t want to until he could understand what he was reading. If he could impress you, prove that he understood the stupid book, then maybe you’d go out with him.  

“You’ll have to read more books. She isn’t gonna listen to you sparknotes that book forever.” Pope had explained when JJ had told them his plan.  

“It’ll be fine.” None of the words even felt like they made sense at this point.  

On Tuesday, after two weeks of having the book and not understanding it he went back to the bookshop. If he wasn’t so frustrated by his own inability to comprehend something so stupid he would have been more nervous. You were reading something new this time and didn’t even look up when the bell chimed.  

You did look up when someone dropped a book on your counter. Buried in the sand, accidentally dropped in the marsh, bent up to loosen the spine, thumbed through while eating, and stained from a beer spill, the book looked like it had spent two weeks in hell and you almost had a panic attack at the sight. JJ stood there, looking almost as bad as the book.

“I don’t get it.”

“What?” You asked, bewildered.

“I tried...I read it twice. Front to back and I have no fucking idea what this guy is supposed to be talking about. Like what the fuck!” JJ exclaimed, voice louder than necessary.  

“I mean-”

“I only got this stupid thing because I thought if I could fucking read it than I wouldn’t sound like such an idiot talking to you and if I didn’t sound like an idiot, you’d go out with me.” JJ confessed.

“What?”

“None of it makes sense.” He groaned.  

“JJ, what?” You repeated, “you want to go out with me?”

“Yeah. And you were totally not interested at the party.”

“What are you talking about, I was too. You told me that stupid joke about penguins or something-”

“That's a funny joke.”

“No. It’s not. It doesn’t make sense.” You replied, “but I laughed. Then you left to get beer and never came back.”

“I did too.”

“No...you didn’t.”  

“Fuck! So, I read this stupid fucking book for nothing?” He asked as he realized that he’d rushed to conclusions.  

“I mean, if it makes you feel better, I’m super impressed you read Ulysses twice. Even if you didn’t get it.” You laughed.  

JJ ran a hand through his hair before shaking it out and looking at you, “so you wanna hang out?”

“I have two more hours in my shift, but after that I can.”

“Okay.” He nodded, looking around the small bookshop before settling on his torn-up copy of Ulysses, “so, do you understand it?”  

“I read the study that Stuart Gilbert did on it so, yeah.”

“Like a cheat sheet?”

“I guess.”

“Fuck!” He groaned, leaning over the counter and placing his forehead against it. “I fucking can’t believe I wasted two weeks on this shit.”

You laughed, reaching across to rub his back, “It’s okay. I can explain it to you if you want?”

“Please do.”

“Seriously?” You asked, surprised that he wanted to actually understand it.

JJ stood up again, hands pressed against the counter, “yeah you look super hot when you explain stuff. That history assignment in ninth grade was like, the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

You laughed, “You are a weird person.”

-

I’ve always wanted someone to read a book to impress me. It’s weird but...oh well. 

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