#and sharing connections with other people

[felixir-of-moths]

I was 14 too when I wrote my first fanfic, a 10k Shaman King mess with OCs made out of my middle school friends. I was already writing non-fanfic then, very awkwardly of course, but this project was the beginning of taking writing seriously, with intent and purpose. And of course, it was bad, it was childish and cringe.

But then it wasn't.

Because a Shaman King messy angsty fanfic led to two or three others, then to shorts novels, then to actual full-on original novels. Because it led me to learn about narrative technique and worldbuilding, to get insanely fast at typing - and okay, I'm never gonna be famous or anything, that was never the point anyway.

Fanfic helped me connect with people who enjoyed what I was doing. It's what ignited the feeling of oh shit I may just have found a piece of me.

AO3 is not a classroom, you're not there to get evaluated. It's not a workplace, it's not a school, it's a platform made for free, unbound, raw artistic expression.

So why would you have a dislike button in a place like this?

People don't write on AO3 to get evaluated, or mocked, or blamed. They're here to share and connect. And you can help them grow with constructive criticisms and advices - seriously, when did a dislike had taught anybody anything?

"i want a dislike button on ao3" so you want less fanfic. even if you don't think you want less fanfic you want less fanfic. because when people start getting dislikes on their fanfic they will want to write less fanfic. hope this helps <3

[liam-summers]

"Every time they come together, it has enormous power, enormous meaning."

[distantreverbs]

Tonight's episode really highlighted how Buck and Eddie actually have a very conditional and somewhat one-sided friendship, something that deeply contrasts the romantic relationship between Buck and Tommy. Because despite the latter couples woes, they have shown time and time again the unconditional and pure love they are capable of sharing together, which will only be amplified once they work through their current shortcomings as a couple.

Buck and Eddie;

While Evan Buckley has so often offered Eddie — and many others, to be clear — his unconditional love and support, he has also embarked on an endless journey of self-reflection. He may not be perfect and he has no doubt made some pretty significant mistakes throughout the show, but what he is is someone who is capable of looking inward, learning, and doing his best to improve, even if the process is sometimes messy or slow and too little too late. No, Buck isn't perfect, but by god, he's continuously evolving and maturing.

(I'm sorry, but Evan Buckley is very much not the one who has been stuck on the hamster wheel like so many in fandom love to claim. That lovely "honor" would actually go to Eddie Diaz.)

Buck also has a lot of love in his heart, to the point where it sometimes overwhelms and leads him astray. But even so, his intentions are almost always pure and connected to the important people in his life. In summation, his heart and the love cast from it is extremely unconditional and wrapped within a casing of overwhelming loyalty and selflessness, some missteps aside.

Eddie Diaz, on the other hand, is quite the opposite. He'll love Buck — and other people, to be clear — but with a condition, one that is so often unspoken, but always lurking beneath the surface. With Eddie and conflict — be it his own or belonging to others simply seeking his guidance and support — there always seems to be this line drawn in the sand, a line representing what Eddie is and is not willing to put up with. And once you cross that line, he'll have very little patience or consideration for you and your feelings. It will show through not just overt or passive aggression, but also unapologetic projection.

The way he came at Buck in tonight's episode is a glaring representation of this:

It's easier for Eddie Diaz to look at everything as black and white, especially when it's convenient for his narrative, than it is to partake in self-reflection pertaining to his personal grief and struggles. It's easier to put the blame on his best friend, rather than acknowledge how he is not processing his own grief very well at all. It is easier to accuse his best friend, who is clearly hurting and crying out for help, that he's being selfish, than to make any attempt at taking on the pain of others while also grappling with his own. It is easier for him to fly his son back to LA to distract his best friend, than it is to take any semblance of accountability for his recent actions and actually fucking apologize. (Hoping this ages poorly because he apologizes in the finale.) It is so much easier to accuse his best friend of making everything about himself, than to acknowledge that, in this moment, he's actually the one doing so. It is easier for Eddie to grab Buck, corner him, and generally physically intimidate him, than it is to actually hear Buck out and understand his reasoning and perspective. Because... God forbid, he has his often black and white ideologies — and the emotions rooted in them — challenged. It's easier for Eddie Diaz to keep repeating the same mistakes in his life, than it is to actually work on his issues and truly evolve, even if those mistakes trickle down to the people around him, including his own son.

In summation, if Buck and Eddie were actually canonically together, I would be praying that the writers were setting up a season finale breakup, so that Buck can move on with his life and find someone who won't minimize his feelings to highlight their own, all while using physical aggression to intimidate and shut him down, or use their son to manipulate him into forgetting about what happened. Because whether the writers intend to follow up on this or not, or do or do not recognize the severity of Eddie's actions, I know what bullshit I witnessed unfold on my screen tonight.

Buck and Tommy;

I'll just be blunt here because this post is already in danger of getting too long...

Tommy Kinard would never pull the type of shit Eddie Diaz just did. Tommy may have some issues of his own that he needs to address — including his own tendency to project onto others, in addition to running away versus talking shit out. But had he been the one with Buck tonight, he would have never minimized the pain Buck was experiencing just to elevate his own, nor would he have grabbed and cornered Buck to maximize the severity of his pain and anger.

At "worst", Tommy would have gently reminded Buck to remember that people are grieving in their own way, similar to how Maddie handled Chimney, or Karen handled Athena, in the very same episode. And he would have done so, all while still considering and prioritizing Buck's feelings. And at best, Tommy would have asked Buck how he could best be there for him, because that's the type of person Tommy is. And to give Buck his own credit, he would have apologized if Tommy expressed needing more support and consideration, and then followed through after said apology. And Tommy would have been completely receptive of this and worked with Buck to ensure that both of them received the emotional support and consideration they both need. Because, ultimately, they are both mature and emotionally loving and supportive individuals — again, some missteps aside. While Eddie Diaz, sorry — but not sorry — has shown he just isn't. Not yet, at least. Buck and Tommy have shown they're capable of being a true partnership in all the ways that matter, while Eddie has made his friendship with Buck incredibly one-sided.

(Man, Buck. I am honestly proud of the man you've evolved into. You've come a long way, despite some in this fandom pretending you haven't and gleefully waiting for you to crash and burn more than your loved ones and other colleagues whenever a challenging situation occurs.)

While Eddie is quick to make Buck feel like he and his problems are "too much" to take on, Tommy would be mortified if he ever did the same, much less more than once.

I'm so glad Buck will have Tommy back in his corner soon, whether it be in the finale or sometime during 9A, because Tommy is the person Buck so clearly needs in his life right now. Buck needs someone who is going to reciprocate everything he is so eager to offer, and Tommy so clearly needs and is willing to do the same.

[plutosunshine]

How to Make Your Life Fulfilling? Venus in houses

Venus in the 1st house

Venus in the 1st house gives you a natural charm and warmth that draws people in effortlessly. You have a way of making others feel seen and appreciated, and this can open so many doors for you, both personally and professionally. To make your life more fulfilling, lean into that charm—but not just for the sake of getting along with people. Use it to genuinely connect, to create meaningful relationships that feed your soul rather than just your ego.

Since Venus is all about beauty, love, and harmony, surround yourself with things that bring you joy and a sense of peace. This could mean curating a beautiful living space, engaging in creative self-expression, or even just taking time for self-care rituals that make you feel good in your own skin. You naturally exude a certain magnetism, so embrace it—but remember, true fulfillment doesn’t come from how others see you. It comes from how you feel about yourself.

Also, with Venus in the 1st house, you may have a tendency to seek validation from others. It’s great to be liked, but don’t let it define your worth. The more you love and value yourself for who you truly are—not just for how you present yourself—the more you’ll attract people who genuinely appreciate you.

Venus in the 2nd house

With Venus in the 2nd house, your sense of fulfillment is closely tied to your values, possessions, and the way you experience comfort and pleasure. You have a natural talent for attracting resources, whether it’s money, beautiful objects, or people who support you. There’s an appreciation for quality over quantity, and you tend to seek out things that feel luxurious or aesthetically pleasing.

However, true fulfillment with this placement isn’t just about accumulating things—it’s about aligning your resources with what truly matters to you. What do you value most? Is it security, beauty, love, or perhaps a sense of self-worth? The more you connect your resources and talents to those deeper values, the more content and abundant you’ll feel.

You also have a knack for making money through Venusian pursuits—art, design, beauty, or anything that brings pleasure to the senses. But watch out for the tendency to equate your self-worth with your net worth. Venus here can sometimes get too attached to material validation. Instead, focus on cultivating self-love and appreciating what you already have. That’s where the real sense of richness comes from.

Venus in the 3rd house

Venus in the 3rd house brings charm and grace to the way you communicate. You have a natural ability to connect with people through words, whether it’s through writing, speaking, or just casual conversation. You can make even the most mundane topics sound interesting and engaging, which makes you someone others enjoy talking to.

To feel truly fulfilled with this placement, lean into the art of communication. Share your thoughts, write, journal, or even engage in storytelling. You have a gift for making connections, not just between people but also between ideas. You could thrive in roles where you’re able to express yourself creatively—writing, teaching, marketing, or social media.

Relationships with siblings, neighbors, or people in your immediate environment can also be a source of pleasure and support. Venus here can bring harmony to these connections, but it can also indicate a tendency to avoid conflict or gloss over difficult conversations. Remember, true connection comes from being authentic, not just charming.

There’s also a love of learning with this placement. You’re drawn to beautiful words, poetry, art, or even music with meaningful lyrics. Feeding your mind with things that inspire and uplift you can be incredibly fulfilling.

Venus in the 4th house

Venus in the 4th house brings a deep love for home, family, and the feeling of emotional security. You’re someone who finds fulfillment in creating a beautiful, comforting, and harmonious living space—a place that feels like a sanctuary. Your home is likely a reflection of your personal style and values, and you might have a knack for interior design or decorating with a touch of elegance and warmth.

Relationships with family, especially with women or maternal figures, can be significant with this placement. There’s a desire to maintain peace and harmony within the family unit, and you may be the peacemaker, the one who smooths over conflicts or tries to keep everyone happy. But it’s important to ensure that your own emotional needs don’t get lost in the process of keeping the peace.

On a deeper level, Venus here suggests that you seek emotional security through close, loving connections. You thrive when you feel loved and supported at a core, foundational level. It’s not just about physical comfort—it’s about feeling emotionally safe and valued by those closest to you.

You might also have a love for nostalgia, family heirlooms, or anything that carries sentimental value. Surrounding yourself with things that evoke happy memories can be incredibly fulfilling.

Venus in the 5th house

With Venus in the 5th house, life becomes so much more fulfilling when you let yourself fully lean into joy, creativity, and self-expression. This placement is all about letting your inner artist come out to play. Maybe it’s painting, dancing, writing poetry, or just finding little ways to make everyday life feel more romantic and fun. You’re someone who thrives when you’re creating beauty or experiencing it, so make time for the things that light you up.

Love and romance are also major sources of fulfillment for you. But it’s not just about falling in love with someone else—it’s about falling in love with life itself. Date yourself. Treat yourself to little luxuries, whether it’s a spontaneous weekend trip, a fancy coffee, or a night out doing something you genuinely enjoy. The more you infuse your days with moments that feel special, the more alive you’ll feel.

And don’t forget to play. Venus in the 5th house is like the cosmic permission slip to embrace your inner child. Go do things just for the fun of it, without any expectation of being productive or impressive. Whether it’s a silly game night with friends or trying something new just for the thrill, those moments of pure, uncomplicated joy are what keep your spirit thriving.

You also have a gift for making others feel special, and that can be incredibly fulfilling. Compliment someone, write a love letter, or surprise a friend with something thoughtful. The love you give has a way of coming back to you tenfold, especially when it’s given without expectation.

Venus in the 6th house

With Venus in the 6th house, life feels more fulfilling when you find beauty and pleasure in the everyday routines. You’re someone who can turn even the simplest tasks into something enjoyable—like making your morning coffee a little ritual, organizing your workspace to feel cozy and inviting, or putting on your favorite playlist while you get things done. The more you bring a sense of grace and harmony to your daily life, the more content and grounded you’ll feel.

Work and service are big themes here too. You’re at your best when you’re doing work that feels meaningful, especially if it involves helping others or creating a more pleasant, harmonious environment. Maybe you have a knack for making things look beautiful, whether it’s arranging flowers, designing a workspace, or just bringing a calm, welcoming vibe to the office. The key is to find work that not only supports you financially but also feels rewarding on a soul level.

There’s also a desire for balance and harmony in your health and wellness routines. You might feel most fulfilled when you’re taking care of yourself in a way that feels good rather than just going through the motions. Think gentle movement, nourishing foods, or creating a relaxing bedtime routine that genuinely helps you unwind.

Relationships with coworkers or those you see on a day-to-day basis can be another source of warmth and connection. You’re someone who can make even mundane interactions feel pleasant and kind, and that energy tends to come back to you. Small acts of kindness, thoughtful gestures, or simply taking time to connect can bring a lot of subtle but lasting fulfillment.

Venus in the 7th house

With Venus in the 7th house, life feels most fulfilling when you’re deeply connected to others in a way that’s balanced, loving, and genuinely harmonious. You’re someone who craves meaningful, one-on-one connections—whether it’s a romantic partnership, a close friendship, or even a business collaboration. You naturally know how to make people feel seen and appreciated, and that energy tends to draw others to you like a magnet.

Romantic relationships are especially significant with this placement. You thrive in partnerships where there’s mutual respect, affection, and a sense of shared beauty—whether that’s creating a beautiful home together, going on romantic dates, or just finding little ways to make each other feel special. But it’s not just about having a partner; it’s about having a partnership that feels balanced and fair, where both people feel equally valued.

There’s also a talent for creating harmony and peace in your interactions. You’re a natural mediator, someone who can smooth over conflicts and help people find common ground. This can be a gift in both personal and professional relationships, but it’s important to be mindful of not over-compromising just to keep the peace. Your needs matter too.

Life also feels more fulfilling when you surround yourself with beauty and grace. Maybe that means planning intimate gatherings, visiting art galleries, or simply spending time with people who inspire you. The more you cultivate relationships that feel warm, loving, and aesthetically pleasing, the more fulfilled you’ll feel.

Venus in the 8th house

With Venus in the 8th house, life feels most fulfilling when you’re diving deep—into relationships, into your own psyche, into the mysteries of life. Superficial connections just don’t do it for you; you crave intensity, intimacy, and transformative experiences that feel almost soul-deep. You’re drawn to people and situations that make you feel seen in ways that are profound, raw, and real.

There’s a magnetic, almost hypnotic quality to your presence. People may find themselves confiding in you or feeling inexplicably drawn to you. But fulfillment doesn’t come from just any connection—it comes from those rare, all-consuming bonds where you can be completely vulnerable and still feel safe and valued.

Money and resources can also be areas of focus with this placement. You might find yourself drawn to situations involving shared finances, inheritances, or investments. You could even have a knack for attracting wealth through partnerships or strategic alliances. But the deeper lesson here is about not letting money or possessions define your worth. True abundance for you is about emotional and spiritual richness, not just material wealth.

Sexuality, too, can be a path to fulfillment. You’re someone who experiences love and desire intensely, and casual flings may leave you feeling empty. You crave the kind of connection where intimacy isn’t just physical—it’s emotional, psychological, even spiritual. When you find someone you can trust enough to let your guard down completely, that’s where the magic happens.

Healing and transformation are big themes here too. You have the potential to deeply heal yourself and others by facing your own shadows and helping others face theirs. The more you embrace the depths of who you are—the light and the dark—the more empowered and fulfilled you’ll feel.

Venus in the 9th house

With Venus in the 9th house, life feels most fulfilling when you’re exploring, learning, and expanding your horizons. You’re someone who finds beauty in the bigger picture—in new experiences, different cultures, and the pursuit of knowledge that opens your mind and heart. Routine and predictability can feel stifling; you crave the excitement of discovering new perspectives and connecting with people who inspire you to think differently.

Travel can be a major source of joy and inspiration. You’re the type who falls in love with distant places, foreign customs, and the feeling of being somewhere completely new. Even if you can’t physically travel, exploring new philosophies, spiritual practices, or higher education can give you that same sense of expansion and fulfillment.

Relationships often take on a more adventurous, expansive quality with this placement. You’re drawn to people who broaden your worldview—those who challenge you to see life through a different lens. Romantic connections might even come through travel, education, or shared beliefs, and you’re likely most attracted to those who have a bit of a free spirit or worldly vibe.

You also have a love for wisdom and meaning. Superficial small talk? Not your thing. You want conversations that go deeper, that explore life’s purpose or the nature of love and beauty. You might feel most fulfilled when you’re discussing philosophy, spirituality, or big-picture ideas that make you feel more connected to something greater than yourself.

Venus in the 10th house

With Venus in the 10th house, life feels most fulfilling when you’re recognized for your talents, beauty, or charm in a public or professional setting. You naturally know how to present yourself in a way that’s attractive and appealing, making you someone who can easily win people over in business, career, or social circles. There’s a magnetic quality to how you carry yourself, and people often notice your grace, style, or charisma.

You’re someone who finds purpose in being admired for what you do, not just who you are. There’s a desire to be respected, appreciated, or even loved for your work or contributions to the world. You might feel most fulfilled when you’re in a role where you can express your Venusian qualities—art, design, fashion, beauty, diplomacy, or any field where creating harmony and aesthetics is part of the job.

Relationships can also play a significant role in your career or public life. You may attract partners who can elevate your status or support your ambitions, or you may find love through work or professional connections. There’s a natural talent for networking and forming alliances that are both beneficial and pleasant.

However, the lesson here is not to get too caught up in appearances or external validation. It’s great to be admired, but true fulfillment comes from doing work that feels aligned with your values and brings a sense of genuine accomplishment. When you’re creating something that feels beautiful or meaningful to you, the recognition naturally follows.

There’s also a graceful, diplomatic way you handle responsibilities. You can be a natural mediator or someone who brings a touch of elegance to leadership roles. People may look up to you not just for what you achieve, but for how you achieve it—with poise, tact, and a genuine love for what you do.

Venus in the 11th house

With Venus in the 11th house, life feels most fulfilling when you’re surrounded by people who share your values, dreams, and ideals. You’re someone who thrives in groups, communities, and friendships where there’s a sense of connection and mutual support. You naturally attract people who are kind, artistic, or socially conscious, and you have a knack for making others feel welcome and included.

Friendships can be a major source of joy for you. You’re the type who genuinely enjoys connecting people, bringing different circles together, or planning gatherings that feel warm and inclusive. You have a way of making group settings feel more harmonious, and people are drawn to your easygoing, likable energy.

There’s also a love for causes, movements, or shared visions. You might feel most fulfilled when you’re involved in projects that bring people together for a greater purpose—whether it’s activism, charity work, or just creating a sense of community. You’re someone who can bring a touch of beauty or artistry to group efforts, whether that’s through creative collaborations, event planning, or just making things feel more pleasant and inviting.

Romance can also have a slightly unconventional vibe here. You might find yourself falling for someone who feels more like a best friend, or you could meet partners through social groups, online communities, or shared interests. The lines between friendship and romance can blur, and you’re likely drawn to people who share your hopes and dreams for the future.

But the key to feeling truly fulfilled with this placement is to stay connected to what you love, not just who you love. What are the big dreams and visions that light you up? What kind of people make you feel inspired and uplifted? The more you surround yourself with those kinds of connections, the more your Venus shines.

Venus in the 12th house

With Venus in the 12th house, life feels most fulfilling when you’re tapping into the deeper, more subtle layers of love, beauty, and connection. You’re someone who experiences love in a soulful, almost otherworldly way. There’s a natural pull toward the mystical, the hidden, and the unspoken, and you may find yourself drawn to people or experiences that feel a bit like a dream or a secret.

There’s a deep, compassionate heart here. You’re someone who can love unconditionally, often seeing the beauty in people that others might overlook. But there can also be a tendency to give too much or to lose yourself in relationships, so finding that balance between self-sacrifice and self-love is key.

Solitude can be incredibly nourishing for you. Time alone, daydreaming, creating art, or simply getting lost in your own inner world can feel as fulfilling as being with others. You might find peace through spiritual practices, meditation, or spending time in nature—anything that allows you to connect with the intangible.

Love can be a bit elusive with this placement. There might be secret relationships, unspoken feelings, or attractions to people who are somehow unavailable or difficult to reach. There’s a romantic, almost fairy-tale quality to how you experience love, but it can also mean that you’re drawn to situations that are more fantasy than reality.

Art, music, and anything that allows you to express the deeper, more emotional parts of yourself can be incredibly healing and fulfilling. You have a gift for channeling your feelings into something beautiful, and the more you do that, the more your soul feels nourished.

[dark-wackademia]

Concerning the NI bit, as an INTJ, this is true to a point. If I feel like I can actually share openly, I'll keep getting more relaxed at being myself, sharing myself, getting longer and deeper with my texts and convos until I see something that tells me more of who you really are, and if that is not in alignment with essential parts of who I am. Usually, that’s eventually where the disconnect comes into play and shifts how I interact. Seeing this and allowing it to click makes me not give the same energy, not as a dig at them in any bitterness but in knowing they won’t get it. It’s like being in one place in development and trying to talk to someone that is nowhere near that place, you can’t knock 'em for being uncaring about the matters that they haven’t danced with as you have. I guess, for me, always finding out people are who they say they are still is something that I cope with in a grieving sense, being that I believe we are so much more than what we think we are.

Anyway, yeah, I'm an open book of the flux and flow I philosophize my way through but only with people that are receptive, show enjoyment and engagement with, and or get what it is I’m sharing. Otherwise, it feels like I'm being vulnerable in seeking a deeper, real connection and expression of authentically living and being, only to feel disrespected, disregarded, and undervalued—or, on a very soul level, rejected like they are rejecting the parts of themselves I’m trying to show them… but my answer is right there. I understand I’m just a mirror and what they reject of me, is just reflective of what they reject in themselves. It’s sad how many are unhealed to the extent of rejecting their possibility, especially in the aspect of healing, growing, and rebuilding themselves, of their power. If they’re rejecting parts of themselves, and not abiding by themselves, then how do I expect them to offer me a sliver of such a thing? Which I am learning to more quickly acclimate to, as an INTJ, despite my proclivities for holding out hope, since I just hate feeling like I'm wasting my time and energy. And it’s nothing against them for just not being there, but it’s still disheartening.

So, often I'll go back to concise and “normal” speech because I don't have the energy to share something that doesn't matter to them, that they’re not ready to do something with. What’s the point? I was just talking to my super spiritual sister in law who's some type of ExFx, I can't recall. But we do still get each other because she is proactive with her life/cycles and is always willing to face the truth and facts, however upsetting, however raw and brutally honest, to better work her way through it to heal. I relate with that. Which to me, is the BIGGEST part of knowing if a dynamic will work long term or not, for me. IDC how long you cycle in your loops, I’m the type that’s in control of my emotions enough to deal with any frustration of you not taking advice and it coming to fruition (ie. making a mistake) to keep helping you via hours upon hours, days upon days, forever, through your journey because I know THAT’S life. That is living. And I know we all have them, our own loops. I get that we’re all learning and relearning, dismantling and rebuilding, imperfect and trying. But, in this, we recognise the difference between saying and doing. She and I are doers. We love this death and rebirth cycle and chase that growth, changing for the better, no matter how hard the work ahead is. That is the main plus someone can have in my book. Courage, determination, and self-accountability for the things you say matter to you. A deeper consciousness that you do something with. Escaping the loop. But I thankfully am learning how to not people please and let go when I recognize something isn’t working for me and letting a relationship just be what it is. Sometimes, the best thing we can offer is the space and time for that person to decide on their own, who they are and what work matters to them in their life. I have to do the same, regardless, so sticking with that has been helpful. Which is to say, learning and relearning how to keep abiding by myself. Plus, doing something that makes me just feel further alone and misunderstood for the sake of others is people pleasing and the type of self-sabotaging/self-defeating behavior I've worked, and continue to work hard to not fall into. I have to do more of what makes me feel like I'm actually doing something of substance with my time and energy. I have to do what's right for me, and they, as well.

Acceptance is always the key though, and I’m finally really learning how to keep hold of that key in every situation, and in this, my peace, contentment, and embracing of all, as it is, while still accepting me and what is and isn't working for me.

MBTI Types & Texting Styles

Perceiving Functions

xNxP | High Ne: uses run-on sentences and parentheses (to maximize info-dumping and clarification via extraneous details, respectively)

xNxJ | High Ni: Short and simple sentences. It’s not intentionally “dry”, it’s just effective word choice.

xSxP | High Se: lowercase letters/free form sentences and p much any slang they wanna use bc its just texting and not deep enough for proper spelling and grammar

xSxJ | High Si: Breaking up responses to multiple topics into separate paragraphs.

It’s easier to keep track of what you’re talking about this way.

—

Judging Functions

xxFJ | High Fe: traditional/safe emojis and slang for effective communication ie. lol, brb, ☺️, 😅 periods in the middle are okay. Periods at the end are intimidating so it’s best to avoid those

xxFP | High Fi: Using creative combinations of emojis ( 🙏😩 | 👁️👄👁️ | 🥺👉👈) for the ultimate range of personal expression

xxTJ | High Te: Capital letters, and advanced punctuation; they exist for a reason. Big fan of the Oxford Comma.

xxTP | High Ti: Correct spelling and grammar is mostly a byproduct of autocorrect unless its absolutely necessary. it doesnt have to be perfext just understandable

[nondelphic]

Where I’ve Been and the Future of nondelphic

TLDR; I’m coming back to this blog.

I’m so nervous to post this I literally had to take a nervous shit after drafting this post just THINKING about posting it but uhhh…

Long time no see!

It’s been well over 3 months since I posted regularly on this account. I never intended to take a break, but I got overwhelmed.

I started this account in the middle of August of 2024 with a very specific niche that, if you have seen my posts before, will recognise. 

Honestly, it started mostly as a distraction from my real-life problems. I’d began writing again last spring after a long time of writing block due to anxiety, depression, and getting used to my anti-depressants. Suddenly, I went from not being able to get out of bed to being able to get out of bed just to write. It became an escape. Just like writing fanfiction used to be when I was a pre-teen.

Through that, I rediscovered how much I actually love writing and creating. And when that happened, I also started craving community. I’ve never really had writing friends (the few I had were short-lived), and I found myself missing that connection.

That’s kind of where this blog came in. It was an experiment, not something I intended to take seriously. Just a low-effort, continuous space online that wasn’t too personal but could resonate with a wide diaspora of writers. Somewhere people could see themselves in my posts.

I’ve always been in fandom or hobby spaces online in some form—grew up in a developing tech society with zero internet safety guidance, so my relationship with social media is honestly decent, all things considered. But in recent years I’d mostly been a consumer rather than a creator. And I missed that. The active partaking. The sense of community. The external validation from like-minded strangers (very Gen Z of me, I know).

And also, it gave me something to do over summer, which is the worst time of year for me. I’ve struggled with seasonal depression for years, and writing got me through the worst days of my summer uni break. But it also stirred up so many thoughts and ideas I wanted to share.

So I committed to not only starting a blog about writing, but updating it continuously, with a fixed set of posts to be posted everyday. 

Part of the experiment was personal, but another part was professional. As someone studying and working in media and social media (amongst other things), I know how algorithms work. I understand how consistency, timing, and frequency affect reach and engagement. So I also wanted to test a theory—that’s not really a theory—that if you just post a lot, at the same time, every day, you’ll see growth.

And it worked. I gained over 4,000 followers in just six months.

Numbers aren’t everything, but I won’t pretend it wasn’t validating. Especially when I’d never had a following before. People were engaging, reblogging, sending kind messages. I felt seen, and I felt like what I was making had value.

It was also fascinating to experience it from both sides, both as the creator and as the media nerd in the background mentally noting what worked, what flopped, and why.

Everything was going great.

So why did I disappear?

Well, first of all, my seasonal depression carried on to constant depression and major social anxiety during autumn and into winter. I slept all day. Didn’t go to school. Could barely leave my apartment to go grocery shopping. All I did was write and update this blog. Make sure I had enough posts queued for the coming week. 

I had some visible breaks on this blog which I always announced. “sorry can’t post rn i’m stressed need time to update my queue”. Which was true, and I felt proud of myself for being transparent about it.

But the more my following grew and the more people interacted with me, the more I started doubting myself. I don’t know if it was my anxiety, depression or probable ADHD being the culprit of this, or just plain old imposter syndrome, but I started dreading opening tumblr.

I love coming up with post ideas for people to go “omg are you inside my brain rn?” or “I love your blog, your posts make me feel seen,” and I’ve had nothing but positive experiences with everyone visiting this blog. Yet, with the growing eyes on this page, I just felt this impending fear that someday it will all be gone.

So I do what I’ve always had a habit of doing! I self-destructed. And left this blog with the excuse (to myself) to work on myself and come back stronger.

And I guess that sorry excuse has kinda come true, although at the time, I was lying to myself. This post is literally me announcing I’m coming back. But back when I abandoned this blog, I, with a heavy heart, was really planning on not coming back. The more the weeks, and then months stretched on without opening tumblr, a growing guilty conscience brewed inside of me.

I’d open the app, stare at the little icon, and immediately close it again. I didn’t know how to explain myself without it sounding dramatic or like I was attention-seeking. And the longer I waited, the harder it got to come back.

Because what do you even say after months of radio silence on a blog that wasn’t supposed to mean this much to you in the first place?

But the thing is it does mean something. And even when I tried to let it go, I kept thinking about it. I’d see something funny and think, “that would make a good nondelphic post.” I’d draft ideas in my nondelphic ideas google docs, fully knowing I wasn’t posting them, but unable to turn off that part of my brain that wanted to connect with other writers, other people who got it.

I ghosted my own blog. And I won’t pretend I had a huge dramatic epiphany or breakthrough that led me back here. Just the quiet realization that I missed it. And I have better routines now. And expectations. That make it impossible for me to turn into the same all-or-nothing approach to this blog I had during my darkest days. Don’t worry, I’m still deeply insecure, anxious and depressed, so my self-deprecating posts will continue as scheduled! But I’ve found other coping mechanisms that don’t rely on…….. Tumblr’s algorithms.

I don’t need to be 100% healed or consistent or perfect to post. And everyone who has sent me a message during the time I’ve been away that I’ve been too scared to reply to has assured me of exactly that. Maybe I can just… come back. A little softer. A little slower. A little more human.

I’m not sure what the future of this blog looks like exactly. I don’t have a new “post 10 times a day” strategy lined up. But I do know I want to write again. I want to talk to you again. I want to rebuild what I tore down with my silence. Not out of pressure or expectation, but because I want to.

So this is me, stepping back into it. One foot in the door. No grand promises, just a little wave from the threshold.

Hi again.

I’m coming back soon. How soon? I think it’s best to not make any promises, but I’ve committed to coming back now, so I’m still gonna promise “soon.”

Also, genuinely thank you. To everyone who reached out in my DMs or sent something to my ask box while I was gone: I read every single message. Even if I didn’t respond, I saw you. My heart felt so big reading your well wishes and worries. Like genuinely, I didn’t know this little corner of the internet could hold so much kindness. So thank you, from the bottom of my stupid overwhelmed heart.

See you soon ♡

xoxo nondelphic

Ps. I’m gonna write another post over on @rebellenotes in the near future for anyone curious about what I’ve been up to in the last few months.

[wormonthesidewalk]

Of Crochet and Book Nooks

summary: after discovering he can, in fact, touch you, Bob is happy. That's it. Happy Bob. Mostly fluff, but the tiniest bit of angst if you squint.

notes: dudes, this little scene was just ruminating in my head for 3 days, so I decided to share. And reader calls Bob "Bobby", because HE LOOKS LIKE A BOBBY, OK, SEE THE VISION

this entirely went longer than I expected, but I kept thinking of new cute things!

Val had sent you on a mission to track, find, and assassinate John Walker. Finding him was no problem. Attacking him was no problem. It was the aftermath that shocked your life for the better, beginning from the moment Ghost put a bullet through Taskmaster's skull.

Throughout seven months of your status as an Avenger and living in the Watchtower, your life had taken irreversible turns. In between missions, home cooking with Yelena, card drinking games with Alexei, training with Bucky, and movie nights that nine out of ten times ended up in a sarcasm match between Walker and Ava, you could find very little to complain about.

If someone had told You From One Year Prior that you would be living in a multi-billion dollar establishment with six people who could only be described as your family, supported entirely out of the pocket of the woman who tried to incinerate you...

Inarguably, though, the most enjoyable factor of your new life was your closest companion, Bob.

Bob wasn't a conventional member of the Avengers, but no one allowed him to feel left out or unwanted. He had a special bond with every member of the team, but you were different. He took longer to warm up to you, for reasons you never figured out, but that left Ava wiggling her eyebrows at every chance she got to see you and Bob sitting together at dinner.

Your connection sparked three months in, when Bob found you crocheting against one of the wall-height windows overlooking the city. Your orange and yellow yarn was strung out along your legs, having been disassembled from its carefully constructed bundle by someone's (Yelena) dog long ago. Bob asked if he could join you. You welcomed him with a tiny smile. Several minutes passed, and he asked what you were making. You showed him the pattern for a mug holder that was to be a birthday gift for your mother.

One compliment led to a conversation, and one conversation led to another. Before either of you knew it, you had abandoned the yarn and needles to just talk with him.

This became a routine for the two of you. One of you would be working on something, the other would approach, and the task at hand would be unintentionally shoved to the sidelines. You two found a steady balance.

Bob didn't say anything when he found the small crocheted coaster resting on his bookshelf, with a note attached: So your glasses don't wake up the entire lower West side. It was a reference to an off-hand comment he made a few days prior about how he hated solid coasters. He loved using coasters, but ceramic or cork ones were either too loud or had a horrid texture. He told you how he hated setting his glasses down on ceramic coasters because he felt like everyone in a ten-mile radius could hear.

He didn't say anything, but you knew he knew. He carried that coaster everywhere he might use a glass. You suggested you could make him another, to which he responded with a firm, "No. I like this one. Thank you, though."

What led to your deepest connection, though, was when he shared his book nook for the first time. You complimented a book you caught him reading, saying that you had read it before. He asked how you liked it. Your mouth opened enthusiastically to rant before slowly closing. You were getting ahead of yourself.

"You have to finish it. I won't be able to talk about it without spoiling something major," you instructed, your eyes still alite with joy.

Bob's eyes widened, and he hurriedly flipped through the last fifty pages of his book. "Where?"

"I'm not saying! Just finish it!"

"Okay- well... you can wait for me? Can you, I mean? Wait?" Bob looked up at you like a toddler begging to be picked up. "I'm a fast reader, I swear. And I just mean- you know- if the ending is so good, I want to talk about it immediately. Yeah. Yeah?"

You plopped yourself down right next to him without hesitation. "Can I read one of these in the meantime?" You asked, gesturing to his collection of novellas on the small bookshelf behind you. Bob nodded, a little too quickly to be anything less than excited.

You two began a similar routine with every book either of you read. Bob had a lot of time on his hands, so if he noticed your concentrated or enthusiastic reading habits - a specific way you held the book in both hands, legs still as stone, periodic breaks to put the book and and do a lap around the entire floor before returning with a clear mind - he made sure to pick up his own copy and read it. Quickly. He read it, if only so you could have someone to discuss it with at the end.

But through all of your reading, all of your crocheted gifts, and all of your late nights spent up ranting to each other about the latest novel, Bob never touched you skin-to-skin. Never. You understood perfectly why and never dared to push him. Still, it was hard not to wish for more... for whatever motivations that may be.

That's what led to you sitting with him on the couch in a serene silence, punctuated only by your pounding thoughts as you debated how to broach the topic.

"Hey, Bobby?" You murmured.

He picked his head up from where he had been working on a small metal puzzle, humming softly in acknowledgement.

"Can I try something?" You held his eyes steady, shifting in your seat to face him more fully.

"...Okay."

Your fingers itched in your lap, and you made the beginning movements to reach out with your left hand. Bob caught onto the micromovement in a flurry, and like lightning, he scooted several inches away.

"What are you doing?" He demanded in a voice so soft you were sure he could hear your heart crack.

"I just... I want to see-"

"Y/N, there's nothing to see!" He insisted, adamant blue eyes flickering between your face and hands. "You... you know what happens. You've seen what happens."

Your mouth faltered as you sucked in a deep breath. "I know what happened before," you murmured cautiously. "I absolutely won't if you don't want me to, but I want to try. I trust you, Bobby."

"You shouldn't," he snapped with more force than intended. Your jaw shut with enough force to click your teeth. Bob sighed and shook his head. His brown curls flopped loosely, and you had to resist every impulse in your bones to run your fingers through them.

"Why do you... want to?" He whispered after a minute, eyes now locked on the floor.

"I have a theory," you stated, letting every syllable pass your tongue with measurement. "I think that your memory... flashing... whatever ability may only spark when you're stressed. Anxious, mad, upset... you know? Or during a low, as you call it."

"Okay?"

You observed his fingers, which twitched and fidgeted amongst themselves just slightly more than normal in your presence. "Are you upset right now?" You asked calmly, gently.

"No," he answered without hesitation, his eyes flickering up to yours.

You nodded slowly. "I have absolutely no evidence, but... it's a gut feeling. So - with your permission, of course! - I want to test it out."

Bob didn't respond for several minutes. You stared back to him in that time, using every observation and instinct to try to gauge what was going on in the head of his, to no avail.

"I don't want to hurt you," was all he murmured for several seconds. "I don't want to cause you pain."

You shook your head adamantly. "Because it's my idea, whatever happens... if I'm wrong... will be entirely my fault," you stated, pressing your lips together anxiously. "Seriously, Bobby. I won't blame you. This is my idea."

This reassured him none. "But I'll still be the one who... will make you see something horrible. And I'll know it before you do... and it'll be... bad. I can't..."

He shook the bad thoughts away vigorously.

You sucked in a deep breath before sighing slowly. "I won't force you to do it. Not at all. I just think it could be worth a shot. Just... in case, you know? But only if you're absolutely sure."

Bob stared at the couch between you for several beats before hesitantly placing one hand on the mattress. The space between us was only several inches wide, and he had to curl his hand to fit it in without touching your knee.

"Are you sure?" You whispered, eying him cautiously. You hovered your left hand over his. If you didn't know any better, you could've sworn electricity prickled in the solitary inch separating your fingers.

Bob nodded quickly. "Yeah," he exhaled slowly, as if forcing out any remaining inhibitions. "I trust you."

"I trust you," you whispered. This did more to physically relax him than anything else.

Tentatively, your hand lowered in the morsel of space, and you let the pads of your fingertips graze over his. As you let your palm settle into his, and his fingers slowly stretched to accommodate for yours, you couldn't help but notice the clamminess. Was that from running hot, or sheer panic?

"You okay?" You whispered, but if he did or didn't answer evaded you as you counted the milliseconds.

You waited to see yourself transported to another room - perhaps the hospital waiting room you saw the first time his hand grazed your bare arm in the OXE facility. But nothing happened. You remained in the living room, on the couch, with Bob only inches away from you.

And your hand in his.

Your head shot up with excitement. In an instant, your eyes met his, which had widened into impossibly large blue saucers.

"You can touch me," he whispered with a sort of reverence that made a small zoo erupt in your stomach. "You can touch me... I can touch you."

"I can touch you," you nodded slowly, a small smile tugging its way onto your cheeks.

"You can touch me!" Bob exclaimed. His grip on your hand tightened. He shifted on the couch to face you fully, and for the first time since you'd met him, held minimal regard for his other hand landing on your leg.

He looked like a child who had just been gifted the most elaborate gift of their dreams on Christmas. You had never seen anything so beautiful.

You laughed happily, grabbing his other hand in yours. Months had been spent imagining what his skin would feel like - and there was not one ounce of disappointment to be found in your body. His hands were warm, but soothing. Calloused, but tender. As if he were afraid to squeeze your fingers too hard and cause you to disintegrate.

On impulse, you let one hand graze the side of his face, brushing your thumb and knuckles against his cheekbone. You could fathom no sweeter feeling, and your grin turned shit-eating.

"Holy shit!" Bob shouted, which was a rarity to hear him swear. He jumped to his feet, taking you up with him.

"Holy shit!" You agreed, nodding quick and hard enough to snap your head off of your spine.

With that, he dropped both of your hands, grabbed the sides of your jaw as if your skull were made of antique fine china, and his lips were on yours. It was eager, hungry, and impatient - but so heartfelt. Like a parent embracing their child after months spent apart.

Your entire body froze. Your eyes didn't close, because every nerve and neuron in your body was firing simultaneously. Your hands remained locked in place where he dropped them, lips parted permanently in the silent gape that formed the instant his fingers found their way just behind your ears.

It took Bob not milliseconds to sense the shift in your demeanor. His eyes widened, and his face snapped away from yours. He took several steps back, bumping his calves into the coffee table, and wincing. This did nothing to stop him from backing further away.

"I- I'm so sorry!" He held up both hands. Those formerly light-filled eyes were plagued by something much more painful. "I'm sorry, Y/N! I didn't- I didn't mean that- oh shit-" he pushed his bangs back as his breath quickened.

You took several steps forward to reclaim the greatened space between you. "Bobby- it's okay-" you tried to interject through his stammers.

His complexion was similar to that of Alexei's suit, all down every inch of his face, neck, and ears. "No! It's not- it's not, Y/N. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to... I just got- I mean- that's not- I didn't get excited! That's... shit-"

"Bobby!"

"God, I fucked up..." he exhaled, resting his hands against his knees. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what... I didn't mean to..."

"Bob Reynolds!" You demanded, voice raised only in an effort to grab his attention. Bob's head snapped up to you, like a silent command in the base of his brain had ordered him to abandon all pretenses of panic.

You forced a slow breath through yourself. "It's okay, Bobby," you repeated, gentler this time. "You did nothing wrong."

Bob eyed you suspiciously. It was like someone watching a bomb timer. "You're not... mad?" He murmured. His fingers resumed their fidgeting.

"No! No. No no no." You smiled, shaking your head quickly. "Not one bit. You just caught me off guard. That's all."

He nodded slowly, straightening his entire posture. "I am sorry, though. That is.... not how I wanted to do that."

The zoo reopened in your stomach. "Do what?"

"That." He gestured vaguely to where you two stood in front of the couch. "I was just so... happy. Excited. I don't know..." his head dropped again in shame. You closed the distance between you two more, leaving a foot of space for him to decline your advances still.

"I've wanted to do that for weeks," he whispered. His eyes flickered everywhere on your face but yours.

Your heart dropped into your stomach, which felt ready to lurch out of your mouth - in all conceivable best ways. "Weeks?" You repeated. Bob offered the tiniest flick of his chin to confirm. Several short breaths escaped you as you watched him.

Slowly, undoubtably, your featured shifted into the brightest smile. Brighter than the sun, brighter than Yelena's face when Fanny peed on Walker's shoes for the first time.

The wind was viscerally knocked out of Bob, but he seamlessly recovered to mirror your smile with one of his own.

"So you're not... you're..." he stammered loosely. The crimson tint was, slowly but surely, returning to his skin. "You're really not mad? Or... uncomfortable? Freaked out?"

Cautiously, allowing him to reject your advances, you lazily draped both of your arms over his shoulders. His hands instantly went to your waist, just under your ribcage.

"Absolutely not," you murmured, your tone laced with adoration. "I'm pretty damn happy."

His smile and eyes softened with a tangible relief. You could feel the muscles in his arms and shoulders steadily relaxing under your touch and words.

Bob pressed a quick kiss to your cheek before pulling you the rest of the way in for a hug. This hug was new; tender through the lingering anxieties, calming through the shuddering breaths that still racked through his torso. This hug was close. Unwavering. Unafraid.

Bob had hugged you before - he was a hugger. But there were always reservations. His head was always held just an inch away from contact with your neck or face, at such an odd angle that you couldn't imagine sustaining the embrace for longer than several seconds, for his own sake. His hands were always fidgeting with your blouse or jacket, as if ensuring there was a true layer between your abdomen skin and his. Hugs with Bob were like watching a tightrope walker 40 feet in the air. You weren't the one in danger, but every shake of the rope left you flinching for the acrobat's sake.

But not this. His hands did not falter, his arms did not waver in their strength to hold you dear. His face buried in the crook of your neck without shame. One of your hands came up to dig into the base of his skull, and a low groan escaped him, as if he were in physical pain and your hand through his brown locks was a shot of Novocaine.

This was security. Reverence. Hope. Calm. Peace.

"Thank you for trusting me," he whispered against your neck.

Your arms tightened over his shoulders. You pressed a loving kiss to what you could access of his jawline before whispering back, "Thank you for trusting me."

"-excuse me, I'm gonna go vomit-" a female voice interjected from the other side of the living room.

Both you and Bob picked up your heads to find Yelena, Fanny's leash in hand. The blonde stared at you with a snickering expression before miming a gag. "Jesus, I leave you two alone for twenty minutes and I come back to you two steps away from making babies..."

Bob almost choked and dropped his hands from your sides. "That's- that's not what we were doing-" he muttered, his entire gaze flickering from you, to Yelena, to the floor.

"Mhm," Yelena hummed, narrowing her eyes in humor. "I told you to get a room, Bob. Did you listen to me?"

"What?" Your head snapped up to him with an incredulously entertained smile.

"No- no! No. That's not-" Bob held up a finger to Yelena in warning. His head snapped back and forth between you and her. "She didn't- no. No."

Yelena cackled as she retreated into the kitchen.

chat I thought this was so cute

please like, reblog, comment, all the things :)

[mythtakens]

the thing is when you want to see something in bad faith of course you always will, when you set out to compare two completely incomparable characters whoever you wanted to win in your head always will. and you can dress it up as something it's not and villainize one thing and romanticize another until the end of time to your heart's content and I'm sure it makes you feel good and morally superior. but at the end of the day 100% any day of the week I'd rather see a real fleshed out human character (of which this show has many to choose from) handle a situation too emotionally and cross a line and have to make up for it than a shell of a character with no real connection to a situation hypothetically always do the perfect thing in my head. it's not the story anyone cares to tell for a reason. the messy imperfect handling of intense grief weighing on people because they have YEARS of connection and shared experiences and love built between all of them is what makes any of it matter. "my blorbo wouldn't do xyz" well if they aren't even part of the equation of the loss they're all sharing then yeah I guess they wouldn't ever have a feelings first reaction about anything here? that's probably pretty hard to imagine, you got me there. being an outside observer they would have no real clue of the magnitude of what is putting these people adrift or the wrongness of not being able to breathe until they can remember how to grab hold of each other and keep their heads above water like they always have before. that kind of trust is something all of these well established characters have built together over time. I'm sure your high horse feels tall, but it's also not there. EVERY TIME the story I want to see, the story worth telling, and the story 911 tells over and over is the one that is earned, and makes these characters feel like real flawed interesting people who are allowed to be messy and guilty and petty and caring and selfish and angry and numb and heartbroken and all the complexity and enormity that comes with unthinkable situations and unfathomable grief, and in the end still reaching for each other to muddle through the best they can. they don't have to get it right every time and they often won't, but the mistakes aren't tallied and their relationships aren't a zero-sum game because the love they've built is actually the point.

[posttexasstressdisorder]

This is the kind of thinking that comes from 40+ years of dumbing-down the populace as official policy.

Critical Thinking is a thing of the past.

The ability to think past the next fifteen seconds has been stripped from the peoples' limited "consciousness", which is now more "unconsciousness"..."Idiocracy" looks like a Mensa convention next to our current shared-reality.

We now live among Sheep programmed to obey commands from Wolves.

Any "sharp edges" to their mental and emotional awareness have long since been ground away.

This leaves those of us who still HAVE intelligence at a distinct disadvantage, unless we join the Wolves in the fleecing.

Being of sound mind and solid moral fiber makes us targets in this twisted, sick substitute for a "society"; the only true solution is to be connected with like minds and resist.

Stand firm in a Truth-Based World.

Refuse to believe lies.

Continue to Speak Truth.

There is no other choice.

Yes, this is EXACTLY what you voted for.

You voted for a clown sleep farting through his court case. A convicted felon and lifelong rapist. The swamp incarnate. A narcissist and fraud willing to do anything to enrich himself.

Voting for Harris/Walz was clearly better considering your kids' student debt and husband's job situation.

You picked the unserious choice. You lost.

[linderosse]

For me, Link and Zelda from the Skyward Sword story are my favorite versions, I really like this kind of doomed love, but I always felt that Zelda's character had more room to develop. Like, can she remember her past memories of being a goddess? Does she feel guilty for taking advantage of Link? Will she be able to get along with the rest of her companions as she once did when she returns to Skyloft? or will her people begin to worship her as a true god? And Link, what would he think?

This is a very, very good question!!!

I’ve been saving it in my inbox for quite a while— but now I finally get to answer it.

Sun is a complex character for sure.

She’s Hylia reborn; the incarnation of the goddess who fought the first Imprisoning War. She remembers most of it— the war, and how it ended. But like she says in the game, she’s also still herself; still sunshine and clouds and freedom and sass; still the same Zelda that Sky fell in love with. She is both at once, and that kind of contradiction has the potential to weigh someone down.

Fortunately, Sun in Wisdomverse has had a lot of time since her adventure to figure out how she feels about her new/old identity. She’s long since made peace with that duality, and is comfortable being both Hylia and Zelda.

However, various others across the eras may react to her differently because of her identity as the goddess Hylia.

Let’s go over them!

(Warning: This is pretty long, but I had a lot of fun writing it. Enjoy!

And don’t worry, there’s a tl;dr at the end for the folks who want it. :)

The people of Skyloft

I’d say most everyone is now aware that Sun is Hylia reborn. Some of the townsfolk do revere her as a goddess, but others treat her mostly the same. Sun usually prefers that, since it can be difficult to form connections when people put you on a pedestal. Her closest friends know that, and hang out with her as normal.

Sun also makes an effort to be a leader as well as a goddess. Her status as an incarnation of Hylia gives her an advantage, but she still has to work to earn people’s trust— especially with a proposition as bold as moving to the world below. Right now, she’s focused on building a life for her people on the surface. More on that in Wisdomverse :).

Wild

This is also why, in the Wild|Sun comic, Sun refers to the past actions of the goddess in third person. Wild knows that Sun’s the reincarnation of Hylia (in TotK, the goddess statues’ voice will remind him of her). But Sun doesn’t want to remind him of that at the moment; doesn’t want her identity as the goddess to put distance between them.

Still, when Sun speaks, she does so with the authority of Hylia herself. She can truly attest to Hylia’s faith in the heroes who share the spirit of the man she loves. Wild knows that, and appreciates the reassurance.

Sky

Sky has long since forgiven Sun for “using him.” He doesn’t regret the adversity he faced, and he would do it again in a heartbeat. Sun was always a goddess to him.

But Sun hasn’t fully forgiven herself for Hylia’s plan; for leveraging Sky’s emotions to get what she needed and save the world. She reckons a fragment of that guilt will always be lodged in her soul.

Flora

Wild is at least mildly religious, but Flora is not. Flora believes that the goddess existed, of course, but she no longer prays to her, and prefers to live life on her own terms.

Flora hasn’t yet worked out what to think of Sun as a goddess, now that they’ve met. They’re friends, and they still hang out, but that internal tension still pulls at Flora— the question of “For all those years, why didn’t you help me?” Wild privately thinks that the goddess tried; and was able to help Flora release her abilities when it mattered most. But that isn’t enough for Flora. Flora has currently compartmentalized it— treating Sun and Hylia as two different people. Eventually, though, Flora will need to search for answers: with Sun, and within herself. Sun does not know that Flora feels this way.

Wild again

For that matter, it was probably really strange for Wild, the first time he met Sun. Kind of like if a mildly religious modern Christian got to have a chat and go skydiving with Jesus. I’m not Christian, but I am religious, so I can imagine how weird but potentially cool that might be.

This is actually a thing for a lot of Links and Zeldas in Wisdomverse/LU; many of them get to meet their heroes. Dawn meeting Fable for the first time probably felt something like an American meeting George Washington— same thing with Hyrule and Legend, or Legend and Four.

Of course, there’s a bit of tension there for some of the other pairs, due to relevant events. It’ll be fun exploring that when the time comes— in both The Secrets We Keep, and in Wielders of Wisdom :).

Tl;dr:

In short, it’s clear that Sun remembers.

In Wisdomverse, she has access to some of the memories and a portion of the powers she did as Hylia (like the sealing ability she used in Wielders of Wisdom Ch1), but she prefers people to treat her as Zelda most of the time.

Sky has forgiven her for using him, but Sun hasn’t forgiven herself. Wild thinks she’s cool, and Flora has a bit of repressed frustration about her. The people of Skyloft appreciate her, but still wouldn’t blindly follow what she says.

Sun is both Hylia and herself at once, and comfortable in that identity.

She’s one person— she’s Zelda— and that’s enough for her :).

Masterpost

[barrenclan]

just finished reading this comic after months of putting it off, and my god am i mad at myself for not reading it sooner. i have so, so many thoughts about it and how well written it is, but i wanna keep this ask short so all i'll say is this: thank you for Egrettail. thank you so much. i'm trans and struggle a lot with the concepts of romantic/platonic love and it is genuinely so refreshing to see a character like me. i especially love the way other characters treated her, it felt *real*, and seeing her get to grow old with her not-quite-mate (though not quite just a friend either... somewhere in a happy middle only she could understand) and helping her with raising her children and managing her dementia... it makes me happy. it feels bittersweet, but it makes me happy. i'm not sure if you ever planned a starclan-like afterlife for this comic, but i like to think mallowstar is watching over them as well. i think he'd know his mate and children are in good hands.

just, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. reading this comic has been incredibly cathartic for me and while i'm here drying my tears at 6am (worth the all nighter. zero regrets.) i couldn't be happier about it. i was following TDS for a while and already loved your writing there, but PATFW was absolutely phenomenal. i hope you keep letting your creativity flow and share your creations with us, i would be thrilled to see another comic (or even book!) by you, whether it be in 5 months or 5 years :D

Thank you so much! That's so kind of you to say. Egrettail was one of my favorite characters to write and I'm so glad people connected with someone like her. There is no canonical afterlife in PATFW; you can imagine whatever you want.

I am actually working on another (albeit shorter) comic right now, though it's still in the scripting stages. I'll mention it on this blog when it begins. As always I'm very flattered and honored that people are so excited about the things I make.

[the-cosmic-cauldron]

Natal Astrology: Baby-Fever Placements “ I Want To Have A Baby”

There are moments in life when you find yourself wondering—an endless stream of possibilities flows through your imagination. Yet still, you’re pulled and tugged back down to reality. You dream of nurturance, self-adoration, love, and care. But within your vessel, you long to give all of it to someone else.

In a world full of people seemingly undeserving of such high-quality love, you often find yourself yearning for nothing more than a precious, beautiful baby—someone to receive the depths of your tenderness and devotion.

This feeling can arise early, when you’re just a child and someone asks, “What do you want to be when you grow up? ”It might swell within you when you’re falling in love with someone you can’t imagine life without. Or it may come in those aching moments of loneliness, when you’re brimming with love that has nowhere to go.

Whenever it arrives, it hits like an ocean wave—consuming and impossible to ignore. The thought fixates. It lingers. Soon enough, you’re envisioning parenthood: motherhood, fatherhood, the sacred act of caregiving.

This yearning returns to you, again and again throughout your life, as a reminder: your soul wasn’t sent here simply to exist, but to give, to nurture, and to love. And yet, all the mirrors around you often appear foggy, distorted, or unworthy of reflection. So the feeling creeps in—an inkling, an itch, a longing—for a child.

In this post, we’ll explore the astrological placements that evoke this deep, soul-stirring desire to become a parent.

Moon in the 5th House

When the Moon is in the 5th house of your natal chart, it can stir a strong desire for children, especially when you are around mothers, families, or children. You may feel a pull towards parenthood when surrounded by others experiencing joy and emotional connection, such as watching a show where a mother is giving birth or seeing someone pregnant. The Moon in the 5th house makes baby fever come in waves, particularly when you feel emotionally touched or excited. While this doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll have a child right away, the yearning for a child is often present. For those with this placement, falling in love often triggers thoughts of starting a family, and they may even envision having a baby with their partner.

Venus in the 5th House

People with Venus in the 5th house are true romantics who love falling in love and enjoy the imagery associated with it. They are drawn to romance novels, films, and videos of couples falling in love. This placement makes them value beauty and aesthetics in relationships, often preferring good-looking partners and showcasing their relationship to the world. Once they enter a relationship, they quickly begin imagining children, often idealizing the image of a perfect family. The desire to have children may arise from a vision of family life that feels like an extension of their romantic ideals. They might even have specific gender preferences or physical traits they hope their child will inherit. The need for a family is closely tied to their desire for a picture-perfect love life, and they may seek to document every milestone with their children, sharing it with the world.

Cancer Stellium

Cancer represents the archetype of the mother, so having a Cancer stellium creates a deep, intrinsic calling toward motherhood and nurturing. From a young age, individuals with this placement often feel a natural inclination to care for others—whether it’s taking care of siblings, friends, or pets. This nurturing energy leads them to crave parenthood as they get older, especially when they find stability and security in a relationship. Cancer energy desires to nourish love through the creation of a family. Those with a Cancer stellium are often deeply connected to the idea of having children, particularly when positively aspected. Pregnancy and motherhood are often viewed as joyful and fulfilling, and despite any resistance, they may find themselves starting a family.

Jupiter in the 5th House

Jupiter in the 5th house amplifies the desire for growth and expansion, particularly in areas related to creativity, children, and family. These individuals are constantly inspired and find themselves excited by the idea of having children. Seeing a beautiful family, being around friends with children, or even seeing baby pictures can trigger strong baby fever. People with this placement often want a big family, seeing children as a source of abundance and joy. They enjoy being actively involved in their children’s lives and view parenthood as a mark of success. These individuals are highly fertile, both creatively and in their desire to have children, often desiring more once they begin having kids.

Mars in the 5th House

Mars in the 5th house is a complex placement that ties sexual energy and impulsivity to the desire for children. When individuals with this placement feel intense attraction or sexual chemistry with a partner, the desire to have a baby can feel almost urgent and overwhelming. The more intense the attraction, the more they crave the idea of having a baby with that person. This can be a possessive and impulsive energy, where the urge to “mark one’s territory” can manifest as a desire to trap a partner with a child. For these individuals, baby fever often arises in moments of heightened intimacy, driven by both sexual and emotional urges.

Ceres in the 4th House

Ceres—the asteroid of nurturance—meets the 4th house, the sacred domain of home, family, and roots. This alignment stirs something ancient and tender within the soul: a deep longing for parenthood. A fascination with the process of caring for life. The softness of a baby’s skin, the sound of small feet on wooden floors, the comfort of being a caregiver. It brings an overflowing wellspring of energy and vitality into the home. Not just to build it—but to bless it. To paint the walls with intention, to choose colors that feel like warmth, to soften the textures of furniture, to fill the space with beauty, soul, and sanctuary. This placement inspires the creation of a haven—a space where love is both visible and tangible. A home designed for spirits to enter and feel safe. Where laughter bounces off the walls, and children run free—wild-eyed, curious, and beloved. You feel most alive, most yourself, when surrounded by warmth, by family, by presence. When small hands reach for yours. When eyes—wide, innocent, and trusting—look up at you. It brings a wave of love straight to the heart, a knowing that you were made to nurture. Ceres in the 4th house is a sacred call. It speaks of someone who longs not only to parent, but to provide a space of deep emotional nourishment—to grow roots that hold, and to be the safe place others come home to.

North Node in the 4th House

Here, a person’s divine spiritual purpose leads them back to the hearth—the heart of the home. Roots matter deeply. There’s a sacred calling to lay down the brick and mortar of a home not just physically, but spiritually—to build a sanctuary, to have it blessed by the Divine, to let God, Spirit, or sacred guidance dwell within its walls. This is not merely a house—it’s a temple. A space where faith breathes, where spirituality is lived, where traditions are reimagined and reborn. It may not be a family built by blood, but one divinely chosen—a soul-tribe drawn together by fate and purpose. Those with this placement long for the day they can gather their tribe—to unite their life, their spirituality, their love—all under one roof. It is then they feel they’ve fulfilled their mission: that they’ve outlived the pain, that they’ve transcended their past, that they’ve made sacred vows with the Divine, and in doing so, they’ve created a new lineage—a powerful, soulful family born of intention and grace.

North Node in the 5th House

These souls are born to play, to love, to create. They burst into life like flames—radiant, expressive, impossible to ignore. Their path is not about rigidity, but about infusing life with imagination. They are creators—not just of art, but of legacy. They weave families born of passion, purpose, and poetry. Here, artistry and divinity collide: painters, poets, musicians, dreamers. Their very lives become a canvas. They channel the sacred through song, story, and spirit. This is not ordinary lineage. This is lineage empowered by creative fire. Each brushstroke, each verse, each kiss builds something lasting, something holy. They don’t just long for a family. They long to create one—a family unlike the one they came from, a family that uplifts, celebrates, and inspires. A family where love births art, and art births freedom.

Jupiter Conjunct Moon

There is always an overflow when Jupiter arrives—an abundance that spills into every crevice of life. And when it meets the Moon—the mother, the goddess, the belly, the womb—fertility dances with expansion. This union births a flood of feeling: a longing for large families, for gatherings, for communion. For the warmth of holidays, for simple dinners where everyone feels held. It creates the quintessential nurturer—the mother, the father, the ones who pour endlessly into their family, who sacrifice, who teach, who radiate wisdom in the home like light from a sacred lamp. These are the people who glow stronger during pregnancy, whose aura brightens as life grows within them. They are the true parents—not just in title, but in spirit. They long for the day their children line up against the wall, laughter echoing through hallways, and they see not just a family—but a circle of souls, a bonded realm of love, friendship blooming among siblings, memories stitched together like a sacred quilt. Bound by love. Bound by the fragrance of childhood. Bound by the knowing that they were chosen to birth not just children—but a home, a legacy, a love that lives on.

Saturn-Moon

The womb. The birthplace. The uterus. The vessel that holds. The space that comforts. The cradle that nurtures—now meets Saturn: hard work. Strict discipline. Structure. Control. Legacy. These are not the people who scream, “I want a baby.” They don’t appear eager for parenthood on the surface. Yet deep within, something stirs—a quiet, sacred responsibility, a soul-deep knowing that parenthood is not just desire, but duty. They don’t approach parenting emotionally. They approach it tangibly. Brick by brick. Plan by plan. They build legacies out of their children. Homes, schools, bank accounts, buildings—concrete structures for their children to visit, to inherit, to live in, to grow from, to succeed through. These are the parents who pour in quietly, who sacrifice consistently. They are the composed. The grounded. The reliable. The ones who hold space and hold lineages. They may not say, “I want a baby,” but they whisper it through action. In their craving for success. In the way they study their emotions without drowning in them. In how they feel responsibly, without chaos. In how they carefully assess every potential partner, measuring them against the weight of legacy. They are stirred by the thought of parenthood, not as sentiment, but as structure—a foundation laid deep within the earth, so that the name, the love, and the purpose may live on.

Taurus Stellium

At first glance, you might be fooled into thinking Taurus is consumed by physical pleasure—greedy in their innocence, too enamored with their own senses to be bothered by the chaos or noise of children. But Taurus is a nurturer, too. A giver by nature. They give with quiet devotion. They spoil children—sometimes rotten—but they delight in it. They melt when the child smiles. They adore baking for them, cooking warm meals that feel like home, carefully arranging the house with beauty in mind—for the child. Birthday parties and holidays bring them to life. They revel in the magic, the tiny hands unwrapping gifts, the scent of cinnamon rolls floating from the oven, the sparkle of lights against soft winter windows. Beneath the societal conditioning, beneath the layers of material pursuit, these are people who long for parenthood. They long for tradition—a picture of life that feels like arrival: a partner by their side, children running down the hallway, a beautiful home, a gathering space filled with laughter and food, a tree glowing with presents, and love rising like bread in a warm oven. They long for something divinely traditional, something that whispers, “You made it. You’re worth it. You belong here.” A purpose that lives in the rhythm of family, in the pleasure of giving, and in the peace of building a life that’s both beautiful and real.

Venus Conjunct Moon

This aspect brings a deep longing for family, especially when you’re romantically in love. You may yearn to create a home together, and “baby fever” can emerge strongly—particularly when you’re around mothers or in beautiful, child-centered environments. Attending children’s birthday parties, weddings, or simply driving past a park can stir powerful desires for motherhood. There’s also a yearning to draw your romantic partner closer through the act of building a family.

Leo Rising

Leo risings care deeply about family and thrive in environments filled with love and togetherness. They’re naturally drawn to children, finding joy and playfulness in their presence. Being around children brings out their inner child, which in turn fuels a longing for their own. Their romantic and affectionate nature makes them yearn for both partnership and parenthood, especially when they fall in love.

Cancer in the 6th House

With Cancer in the sixth house, there’s often a sense of responsibility toward caregiving from an early age. These individuals may have cared for siblings, pets, or others early in life, developing a strong nurturing instinct. They tend to feel a quiet obligation to one day raise a family of their own. Even if they delay parenthood to focus on career and stability, the desire to have children surfaces strongly once they feel secure in life.

7th House Stellium

People with a stellium in the 7th house are deeply invested in partnership, love, and belonging. This naturally extends to a desire for family. Baby fever often strikes after they fall in love or form a deep connection. Even if they don’t feel it while single, the idea of raising a child with someone they love is deeply appealing. These individuals tend to have a traditional or idealistic vision of family life and often imagine having children from a young age.

Leo Stellium

A Leo stellium intensifies the desire for a big, beautiful, and joy-filled family. These individuals crave family and feel proud to be part of one. They often want many children and envision a life surrounded by love, laughter, and legacy. They can be selective about who they settle down with, as they want their future family to be strong, successful, and full of heart. Baby fever tends to come frequently and powerfully.

Mercury in the 5th House

Mercury here makes the mind fertile with thoughts of children and creativity. From a young age, these individuals are drawn to the idea of parenthood. They love being around children and often find themselves thinking about their future family. Baby fever is common, as the idea of raising children blends naturally with their love for imagination, communication, and romantic daydreams.

Sun–Moon

Those with harmonious Sun–Moon aspects often seek emotional and spiritual wholeness in partnership. There’s a strong drive to find “the one,” and with it, a vision of building a family together. When they’re in love, baby fever often blooms as part of a desire to express their union in the form of a child. Even when single, thoughts of romance and parenting can stir deep longing.

Cancer Rising

Often mistaken for parents even when they’re not, Cancer risings exude warmth and nurturing energy. They are natural caretakers who are deeply drawn to babies and children. Once they have their own space or begin imagining life with a partner, baby fever tends to arise. Their calm, kind demeanor and innate desire to nurture make them deeply receptive to the idea of motherhood.

[optimisticdad-blog]

When I was in my Emergency Medicine residency many years ago I worked with some of the finest people alive. We do all posses a warped and twisted sense of humor.

This is a fun memory.

As a senior resident my typical ER shift was 4pm to 2 am. This sounds bad, but was nice. My kids were not in school so I could spend time with them in the day, and then work the ER during peak hours.

After my shift I would return home and we took turns carrying the “mommy pager”. The mommy pager was a number that nervous moms could call for medical advice. Usually I just helped them figure out the dose of Tylenol for their baby, or get an appointment with the pediatrician the next day.

One night I got home and quietly climbed into bed next to my sleeping wife. I sat the mommy pager on the nightstand. I had just drifted off to sleep when the pager buzzed. Half awake I called the number. A man answered. He told me that his toddler had been crawling around the floor and had eaten a a piece of fishing line. He was worried and our conversation went like this:

dad: my baby ate some fishing line and I’m worried.

Me: no worries. It should cause no harm and come out in his diaper.

Dad: that is the issue. He has about 8 inches of fishing line hanging out his butt, but he screams if i pull on it.

Me: please don’t pull on it. Was anything connected to the line? Could it have had a fish hook. (Back ground noise is crying baby).

Him: it was just line, but I can’t get it to come out I have been trying to pull on it but baby screams.

Me: (now fully awake). Do NOT pull on the fishing line.

Dad: I figured it might need some lube so I squirted some dish soap up his butt.

Me: please,don’t do that.

Dad: it didn’t help so I tried some honey to see if maybe it would all stick together and come out.

me: sir, I will call the pediatric ER. You should take your baby in and they will see what the problem is.

Dad: I think I can just yank it out. It is hard to grip so I have wound the end around a pencil. I have baby face down on the kitchen table and I am going to yank it. Just like im starting a chain saw.

Me: (panic rising). STOP! Do not do that. Can you take the baby to the ER where my college will help? (In the background the baby screams loudly)

Me: Sir, is your wife at home. Please put her on the phone.

Dad: the doctor wants to talk to you.

Me to Mom. I’m not sure what is going on and think we should get your baby checked. I will call the pediatric ER and they will help us fix this. Can you please take your baby to the ER?

mom: no. My husband is sure he can yank it out (baby screams in background)

Me: do NOT let him. Go to the ER now.

Mom: breaks down in uncontrollable laughter. She confesses she is not the mom. She is the ER nurse and she and my fellow,resident have been prank calling me at 3 am.

I have fallen for this prank call hook, line, and sinker. I am now 100% awake and my wife has woken up and is offering advice as well.

This is the hazard of working with smart people who are bored at 3 am on a slow night. Some day I will share some other bizarre prank calls from the ER.

(No babies were hurt. The crying babies in the background were all there for other medica issues.)

[litsenn]

Astarion craves connection

Lately, I've been thinking an awful lot about Astarion's desperate need to bond with others, especially in Act 1. Not just to seduce you and have sex with you, not just because he wants to secure his place in the party, but because he wants - and surely needs - to connect with people after two centuries of loneliness.

I’m talking about genuine interactions with other people, without the pressure of Cazador’s will, and with interlocutors who are neither targets nor threats. Of course, sometimes it’s difficult to say if he’s only pretending or if he’s genuinely trying to bond with you, but the more I think about it, the more I see it. Just think about all the discussions you can have with him in Act 1. He's certainly the companion with the most evening interactions, and I think there's a reason for it, especially when you know that he's been so lonely for so long. And it's also quite striking given the fact that one could expect him to be much more wary, maybe even paranoid somehow (like Shadowheart), but on the contrary, he shows a real capacity to open up, to share and to relate. It's awkward sometimes, but he's trying, even if he doesn't really understand it himself.

So I wanted to look back at some interactions in act 1 and to have a closer look at them (in no particular order). And it's going to be long. And chaotic.

Take the first night in camp for instance; he opens up about not feeling comfortable sleeping in the woods. Yes, he remains quite cryptic, he doesn't tell you how terrified he is (you can't expect him to at this point), but still... he doesn't know you and yet tells you he's not feeling comfortable here. You don't even have to ask him.

He could have kept it to himself, he could have preferred to let you believe that he's fine.

Nothing forces him to tell you about it. And yet he decides, against all odds, to let you know that he's not so fine. It's implicit and subtle, yes, but it's there. He tries to reach out to someone. He's not good at it, but that's a meaningful step.

And take the stargazing scene, which, to me, is when he really decides to go for his “nice little plan”. But whether this is it or not, he is lying down and stargazing in the middle of camp, and I can't stress this enough: in the middle of camp. He’s not sitting apart, seeking calm and solitude. He obviously expects someone (you) to come and talk to him.

Another meaningful example is his confession if you go to the Underdark before the bite night. In this case, he will decide to tell you he’s a vampire. Nothing forces him to tell you. He admits it simply because he wants to be honest about it – he feels that, at this point, you won’t let him down. He wants to connect with you, despite the risks of such a revelation.

And look at his face when you say it's alright: he’s so relieved! Because you don't drive a stake through his heart, yes, but also because he knows now that you trust him. That he is ok. That he can count on you.

As for the bite scene, it's a little more complicated: He's famished and he wants to know if he can bite a sentient being now that Cazador can't control him. Of course, doing it without your consent is a terrible move (I tend to believe his idea of personal boundaries is quite fucked up at this point, but that's a topic for a another post).

But if you accept him as a vampire, he trusts you to trust him enough to ask for a snack. Which, to me, is not only related to his burning hunger. This mutual trust, again, is something he desperately craves. Because it means your partnership is not superficial. And when you let him bite you, you prove him that trust can exist between the two of you (even if he's already planning to manipulate you, because people are complicated and full of contradictions).

Then you have the scene when he asks you who you'd like to bite. IMO, it's one of the most relevant scenes concerning his need for connection. Of course he’s flirting a little, he probably has already been scheming his nice little plan. But come on, if it was only about seducing you, I think he would have chosen another topic for the conversation… I mean, honestly, you don’t usually flirt by speaking about other people’s blood (except for all the Durges around, but he doesn’t really now about that yet). 

No, beyond the flirting bits, this man is desperate to talk about his newfound freedom! for the first time in two hundred years, he can feed on all kind of beasts, whenever he wants! Of course he's excited and want to ramble about it! Imagine you've been feeding on rotten and unseasoned garbage for weeks and suddenly you can taste all kind of different spicy food, wouldn't you want to share that experience with someone? To ask them what kind of food they prefer? To imagine how this or that would taste?

Astarion is curious, he says it himself, and he wants to share his curiosity with you. Because he appreciates your company. Because he wants to share something with you, the open-minded companion who accepts him as he is. Astarion is not just teasing you, he's enjoying speaking to you "in the spirit of theoretical questions".

By the way, if you refuse to have this talk, he disapproves. Understandably!

You just turned down his first attempt to connect, to have a playful conversation, without any pressure. Of course he is disappointed! He thought you'd understand after you let him dine on you.

But if you play along, he approves whoever you pick, and gives a little comment of his own according to the companion you choose. And each answer reveals an attempt at bonding, it's always positive, even when he wouldn't have picked the same companion.

Even if you choose him.

And even if he’s already performing for his nice little plan, don't forget that it’s the first time he can really choose and decide to flirt and seduce. He feels somehow that he has to seduce you, because that's how he learned to survive, but nobody is actually forcing him to, for the first time in 200 years. So many reasons which make me believe that this discussion isn’t a performance, not completely at least, and that it's not just about his plan. It's about bonding and having a little fun.

By the way, during that scene, he calls you a friend. Is it genuine? Maybe not at this point, but I take it as wishful thinking. Whether he acknowledges it or not, he wants friends, or at least a friendly interaction.

He used the words 'friends' before, in an even more sarcastic way: The morning after the bite night, when you decide to keep him in the party after the revelation. Here, he’s not talking about you in particular, but about the whole group, and half of them are particularly wary of him, some of them are lowkey threatening him (and right before this, he told you he was scared anyone would turn against him - he still is). Without you, they would have at best kicked him out of camp.

This "friend" is ironical because none of them is seeing Astarion as a friend right now. So he deflates it with irony. Likewise, when he asks you to sleep with him the first time before the party, the “trusting friends” is ironical since you just called him out on his potential bullshit - and he knows it. It's a defence mechanism he uses each time someone sees him as a threat.

There's another "friend" in Act 1. During the "drunk scene".

This part sounds much more genuine to me. He's intoxicated, and he greets you with a "my friend" and a little laugh that makes him sound very giddy about it. If you listen to it, it doesn’t sound like he’s bitter, or manipulating.

Even the dev notes indicate that he must look “very happy".

At this point he really begins to trust you. It seems to make him happy to believe that you could really become friends. And being intoxicated helps him drop the mask a little, he's more himself: Playful, silly, displaying a sheer need to talk with someone. (look at this silly goose)

But being intoxicated also helps him open up about his past, about the torments. About his bitterness and his belief that power is the only way to be safe. About his biased vision of the world, of heroes, of power structures and responsibilities.

IMO he really needs someone he can talk to, someone who would listen and understand, if he's not sure how to do it, if he can do it, if you can be that person. He's "drunk", he needs to vent, and he vents to you.

This need to communicate, to connect with someone is even clearer when you play Durge, since he seems to relate a little more to your character. First things he tells you after you recruited him shows that he observes you and notices something is off, but it seems to be comforting to him.

As if he was thinking "thank goodness I'm not the only one who's a mess. Maybe they'll understand." And a few days letter, he comments on your state.

Not only he worries about you, but he also wants to understand what's happening to you. And if that's not a proof that this man wants to connect with others, I don't know what you need.

He has a hard time acknowledging it himself, with that little "do take care of yourself" which sounds a little awkward. And it makes sense, that must not be the kind of things he's used to say to anyone. Hence the silly little bow.

According to your answer, he can also appear to be very supportive, telling you to not fear who you are, accepting your quirks just (like you accepted his). Partners in crime. He's not alone in this.

And don't get me started on the fact that he doesn't refuse to tell you about his past. Despite his little remark on you insisting “about exhuming the past”, you don’t actually have to insist to make him talk about it. Comparing to Shadowheart, he willingly tells you about Cazador, about him being slave and very soon after you learned he's a vampire. You just have to ask, he opens up. He complains a little but he talks, for the first time in so long he's found someone he can talk to, someone who's willing to listen. And the more he trusts you, the more he tells you, without you having to insist.

I could go on for ages with examples: How he approves if you decide to tell Eithel about the tadpole in the grove. He doesn’t trust the old lady, but he clearly wants the two of you to have fun.  

How he confesses that you are "his first". I don't think he's lying about it. After all, being completely unexperimented in term of biting people, it's not exactly the image of "the sexy vampire" that he usually tries to display.

Not to mention that he seems quite embarrassed about it. His body language gives him away. He's looking away, clearing his throat.

And why would he tell you if not to bond with you?

It's not about seducing you, it's about opening up a little and talk about his experience. He's already trying to be honest with you, because it's the first time in so long that he can allow himself to be honest. His face is particularly vulnerable when he admits it after he killed you during that first snack.

Should I also mention the fact that he never installs his tent in a lonely corner like Shadowheart or Lae'zel or even Wyll sometimes do? He's always, at least, close to another companion, if not in the middle of camp. Of course, it could be a question of feeling safer if the others are around, but I nonetheless think it's quite telling about his need to belong within this little group of weirdos. Likewise, a certain number of banters in Act 1 indicate that he does want to have innocent interactions with the group.

And finally, let's go back to the beginning, when you first meet him. As soon as he realises you're not an enemy, he drops his guard, relieved to have found another survivor. He obviously didn't expect you to invite him to join - it didn't even cross his mind because who would want him as part of a group? - but he quickly accepts to join "the herd". Not being alone anymore could be a good idea, right?

You could expect that after two hundred years of slavery and torment, one would be much more wary, keeping to oneself, keeping their distance with the others. But not Astarion, no. Because whether he admits it or not, he craves companionship. He craves attention - not for his looks, but for his individuality. He craves acceptance.

He joins you, first installs his tent in the centre of camp, he makes himself useful for the group, he wants to talk to you almost every night, he tries to bond with you in the most awkward ways and shares his enthusiasm for his newfound freedom. Yes, he wants to seduce you to make sure you won't let him down, but beyond that, there's a deep need for bonding, and to feel like he belongs somewhere. And if at first he probably thinks he only belongs in your bed as a good fuck, through all your interactions he begins to understand that he belongs beside you as a partner, as a friend and simply, as a person. He needs emotional support, he finds it in you, and even finds himself capable of giving emotional support. You trust him, and this trust is precious because it means you see him as a valuable person, not just a Swiss knife or a pretty thing. And it means he can trust you too. And it also means that, maybe, the world isn't as cruel as he was made to believe.

[astrosouldivinity]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑽𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒔 𝑺𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒔 𝑰𝒏 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆

𝓦𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓥𝓮𝓷𝓾𝓼: ♋️ ♏️ ♓️

Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces -

𝓘𝓷 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮:

Their love is deep and vast as the ocean. They are emotional, intuitive, and deeply spiritual. These individuals want to understand your soul at a deep level and nourish it. Emotional safety is essential for them. When complete trust is established, their love becomes an unwavering current that carries you to uncharted emotional depths, inviting you to open your heart, embrace their currents, and share your true feelings in return.

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓮𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓼:

They can struggle with establishing and maintaining emotional boundaries. Additionally, they often attract emotionally wounded individuals who are drawn to their healing energy.

𝓝𝓸𝓽𝓮:

It’s important for these individuals to recognize that healing others is not their responsibility. They must establish and maintain healthy energetic and emotional boundaries to protect themselves from energy siphoning.

𝓐𝓲𝓻 𝓥𝓮𝓷𝓾𝓼: ♎️ ♒️ ♊️

Libra, Aquarius, Gemini -

𝓘𝓷 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮:

Their love is formed in the mental and the metaphysical. They seek to understand your thoughts and ideas, craving a deep mental connection. Simultaneously, they desire a physical bond that elevates their intellectual intimacy and fosters a balanced connection grounded in both mind and body. When they feel safe, their love becomes a space for mutual freedom of expression, fueled by pure mental curiosity.

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓮𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓼:

They can struggle with going beyond the surface and may fear even delving into their deeper emotions. This can create barriers to emotional intimacy making them struggle with opening up and connecting on a deeper level.

𝓝𝓸𝓽𝓮:

Their love may sometimes lean more towards the cerebral than the emotional. It is important for them to consciously embrace vulnerability and learn to trust their innermost feelings.

𝓔𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓱 𝓥𝓮𝓷𝓾𝓼: ♑️ ♉️ ♍️

Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo -

𝓘𝓷 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮:

Their love is intentional and stable, grounded in practicality and commitment. They want to create a secure foundation where love can grow and evolve naturally. With patience and consistency, these individuals take joy in nurturing those they care about, providing reliability and unwavering support. Their love acts as a steady anchor, rooted in trust and mutual respect allowing their intimate relationships to flourish and deepen over time.

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓮𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓼:

They can struggle to recognize when to let go, often holding onto connections out of habit and comfort, which can lead to complacency causing the love to stagnate. Additionally, their loyalty can be misplaced, as they can remain committed to people who are not worthy of their love.

𝓝𝓸𝓽𝓮:

Remember, people are not projects to fix. It’s important these individuals honor and respect their material, emotional, and physical needs. Prioritizing self-respect and setting healthy, practical boundaries are essential for their wellbeing and overall growth.

𝓕𝓲𝓻𝓮 𝓥𝓮𝓷𝓾𝓼: ♈️ ♌️ ♐️

Aries, Leo, Sagittarius -

𝓘𝓷 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮:

Their love is fiery, passionate, and intense. It burns brightly, like a vivid movie montage flashing through moments of excitement, spontaneity, and raw emotion. They crave a connection that not only ignites their passion but also fuels their desire for adventure, self-expression, and meaningful experiences. Every moment is electric and full of energy with these individuals.

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓮𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓼:

They can struggle with impulsivity and might act out of their desires without fully considering the consequences of their actions. Love = excitement for them, and stability can become a challenge as they seek stimulation and meaningful intensity in their connections.

𝓝𝓸𝓽𝓮:

Learning to maintain a balance between spontaneity and stability is key for these individuals. This will allow them to sustain their passion while establishing a foundation for a secure, intense, and enduring love.

𝔁𝓸𝔁𝓸- 𝓚𝓲𝓴𝓲 💕

©𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚒𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚁𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚁𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚍.