#and send me song recs for other chapters!!!!!

[rintoorou]

pls ok sobs err let's see here... i am so not good at recommending songs HELP some of the reality club i listen to: 1. Alexandra 2. Am I bothering You? 3. Anything You want

they have lots of amazing songs so if you're interested to take a deep dive i think you'll find better songs than the mainstream one i reccomended 😭😭

i just listened to all of these and IM IN LOVE ☹️ let me just say some things omg

alexandra — this is my fav out of the three like it’s so ‘i’ll walk you home and linger by the doorway lovestruck bc we just spent the whole night talking’ vibes 😭 i bet sunarin will listen to this a lot lot (maybe try and learn it on the guitar for u..but he keeps that to himself first lawl) HOWEVER…this made me think of iwa and kuroo like JUST IMAGINE THE POTENTIAL for a love at first sight to friends to lovers and they’re just the biggest Dorks about it O___O

am i bothering you? — this song is so cute oml like if this song were in an aloha hawaii edit/montage it’d go back and forth between college and present time ,, this is gonna suit suna’s pov more i feel :3

anything you want — i can’t stress . how much this song IS college era sunayn like i wish i heard this song b4 so i could add it to the series playlist (i’m gonna add it later LMAO) but UGH just you wait omg it’ll make sense when we get to that part AAAAAA i imagine this song being more from yn’s pov but bottomline is: im so elated abt how this song captures college sunayn im in tears

[gyjo-enthusiast]

special case. ch.3

retired!nanami x younger!sorcerer!reader

summary: during field training, each student is assigned one semi-grade 1 or higher ranked sorcerer. after the last student is left without a mentor, her professor pairs her up with his old, retired grumpy friend.

reader is in their 20s (attending college), afab!reader, fem pronouns

tags: fluff, eventual smut, colleagues with benefits (is that a thing?), age gap (reader in early 20s, nanami in mid 30s), virgin reader

previous chapter: special case. ch.2 | next chapter: special case. ch.4

jujutsu kaisen masterlist | masterlist

chapter summary: after taking up the offer to spend a whole week at your mentor's place, you pack your things and talk through dinner together.

proofread: yes

word count: 2883 (9m)

song rec:

"are you sure it's not going to bother you?" you look at your shoes, sheating both weapons. after nanami's proposal to spend a week at his place, you tensed up, naturally.

"goodness gracious," his hand flew up to his temples, indicating irritation, "i gave you the option, of course it's not going to be a problem." turning his back to you, the blonde started walking away.

"of course if you do not want to, you don't have to," he said, mindful of how this could seem to others. "but i doubt that your classmates are all going back to dorms every single day."

"you think so?" you pondered for a while, coming to a conclusion of staying with your mentor. "okay, but i'll still have to get some spare clothes."

"go ahead and get them. i will text you my address, if anything happens, just let me know," you exchanged numbers before parting ways.

a few minutes later, your phone dinged with a notification of nanami's text consisting of his address and a question: "do you have any allergies? i'm going to make dinner." your face was redder than the sweetest strawberry reading that. wanting to keep cool, you texted back a simple "no allergies, but i don't like raw tomatoes. thank you so much:)"

thankfully you were left on read, you don't think you'd be able to handle a friendly conversation with your mentor. your very handsome mentor at that. your very handsome mentor who was preparing dinner for you two.

you couldn't hide the little smile that took shape on your lips, speeding up slightly. you wanted to be done with those obnoxious stairs to school and unwind after a long day.

as if nanami knew exactly what was going on, almost nobody was staying at the school dorms. quickly, you shuffled your feet towards the second to last door on the floor, unlocking and shutting the piece of old wood behind you.

you picked up your favourite backpack and started filling it up with clothes. checking the things off of your mental checklist: pjs, underwear, comfy clothes, spare uniform, your favourite plushie and more boring stuff like toothpaste and toothbrush.

you were practically sprinting out of your room, when your phone dinged again. this time, it was a notification from your class group chat. as if it was a sign from god himself, you realised you need your charger. you silently thanked yuuji for sending so many unnecessary selfies and finally closed the door. locking it twice, you briskly left the vicinity of your school and tried to find nanami's address on a map.

before you knew it, you descended the school stairs and went into the town without ever finding where his house is located, so you decided to focus on your surroundings for a bit to find out where you even are.

"to my left is a.." looking left, you saw an old bus station, which you tried to locate on the map. "a bus station.."

where the hell is it?!

"okay to my right is a theater, that should be easier to find," you hopelessly scrolled on your phone to find out where you are and where nanami's house is. "it should be easier to find, right?" you started to panic when you couldn't find anything around you on the map.

you were as lost as on your first day in tokyo, maybe even more. you knew you should text your mentor to let him know, but how could you? this is more embarrassing than not being able to exorcise a low-level grade curse.

realising that this is pointless, you gave in and started to look for nanami's number in your contacts.

but of course, as if he was telepathic, he called you before you could even dial his number.

"y/n? are you okay?" he said overly harsh, as if he was afraid something might have happened.

you sighed and eventually answered, "yes, sir. i'm.. i'm lost." you expected a scolding but it never came.

"lost? as in you already got your things but can't find the address? or you never went back to dorms?" nanami softened his tone, relieved that it's nothing serious.

"i can't find the address. i'm sorry," you apologised, guilty for being so troublesome.

"it's okay, just describe where you are, yeah?" he sounded entirely different now, like a concerned friend more than a mentor.

"um, well i can see an old bus station, it looks like it's not being used anymore, there's not a name of the station anywhere. there's also a theater on the opposite side," you paused for a second before finishing your thought, "it's like a crossroad if that makes sense? also i can't see anybody."

"y/n," nanami called out to you flatly, "don't go anywhere, alright?" you heard shuffling on the other side of the phone. "i think i know where you are so just wait there."

"can you not just tell me in which direction to go, sir?" you asked timidly, not wanting to be a burden.

"it's okay, the streets there are complicated to navigate through so this is easier. i'll be there in a minute." and with that, he ended the call and you were left in the empty streets, waiting.

a few minutes went by and you saw the first person to pass through here. as he made his way towards you and you could see him more clearly, you knew that without mistake, it was nanami.

you didn't know whether to be relieved or even more stressed, because he had to come for you like for a kindergartener. you slowly approached him and sheepishly smiled.

"i'm sorry sir, i'm still not used to tokyo," you excused yourself, as if it was good enough to make him come all the way here.

"don't worry about it, for now, let's go eat dinner. i'll tell you about this place later," he put a hand on your shoulder, reassuring you that it was not a big deal.

as you made your way through the streets, you suddenly understood nanami about the complicated layout of the town. if he was to just navigate you, it would do more harm than good.

it was really just a few minutes until you were at nanami's place. he unlocked the door to his apartment and led you to his bedroom.

"since i don't have a spare room, you can sleep here if you don't mind," he gestured towards his king-sized bed. your worried gaze fell upon him as he explained, "i will sleep on the couch, don't worry."

"no, i can't do that," you instantly protested, not wanting to compromise his comfort. "i'll sleep on the couch and you can sleep in your bed," you beamed at him, leaving for the living room.

"it's okay y/n, there's plenty of room on the couch for me to sleep on, if that's what you're worried about," he ignored your statement and stood infront of you. "i've fallen asleep there many times."

"but this is just rude of me, first i can't find your address and then i take your bed?" you sadden a bit, backing away from nanami.

"don't forget that i was the one who suggested this," he crosses his arms and looks down at your small form. "sleeping on the couch is my responsibility as well. at least for this week."

he was taking this very seriously, you wanted to argue once more. you looked up at him, ready to take the couch for yourself, but you stopped yourself. it's not as if his stern gaze alone put you in your place. no, he looked completely different when he wasn't working.

hair slightly falling into his face, forearms exposed (courtesy of his rolled up sleeves), the first two buttons of his shirt undone and glasses discarded. his eyes watched you as you observed him, waiting to see if you'll still protest or not.

after a while, you surrenderred and went to his bedroom. "whatever, but don't complain if your back hurts tomorrow. don't forget that i wanted you on the bed!"

"what?" nanami looks at you, confused.

"w-what?" you repeat after him, confused as well. with a sigh, he softly closes your door and leans against the wall.

"change into something more comfortable and come eat. i hope you're not going to run around in your uniform all day," the blonde then walks away to give you some sort of privacy.

you have to admit, you weren't the best with wording, at least he understood that. you hope. it's amazing how he can brush past that situation and go eat. at the same table with you nonetheless.

you were blushing like crazy just remembering the situation, but what makes matters worse was your choice of clothing. it was particularly hot during this time, so you decided to pack just some shorts that were laying around and a shirt that may be too small for you. that shirt was practically a crop-top now.

looking at your new outfit, you seriously thought that maybe being in your school uniform was better after all. you tried to shove all the inappropriate thoughts away as you awkwardly waddled towards the dining area, careful not to show any more skin than necessary.

nanami was still turned towards the counter, and you hoped he could stay like that while you ate and also went back to his bedroom.

"have you ever been to korea? or had korean food?" he suddenly asked, making you jump in your seat.

"no.." you simply answered before elaborating, "but i'd like to try it one day, why?"

"then i'm sorry you have to try it with me first. i made bibimbap for dinner," he explains, head half-tilted towards your direction. "it's not as authentic, but i like it," turning to you, he brings out a bunch of small bowls with vegetables, mushrooms and some sort of sauce, "and it doesn't contain any tomatoes."

"no it's okay! i'm sorry to be of any trouble regarding food," you apologise, smiling as he remembers you don't like tomatoes. "you didn't have to make something so big though."

"don't worry, if you weren't here, i would simply eat the rest tomorrow," he plainly stated, bringing two more huge bowls filled with food.

"wow, it smells great," you noted quietly.

"thank you," he smiled softly, explaining the dish, "it's basically a rice bowl with vegetables and meat on top. i didn't want to bother with the eggs so there aren't any, but usually you do them sunny side up. in the small bowls you serve kimchi and gochujang sauce, as well as more vegetables."

"that's amazing, it looks easy to make as well," you look at all the food on the table, "except cutting the vegetables." you laugh quietly, still mesmerised.

"it looks easy, but you have to manage a few things at once. i can give you the recipe if you want to try it out sometime," nanami suggests, making your eyes light up.

"really? i'd like that very much!" you smile at him, a gesture which he returns.

"of course. now let's eat before the rice gets cold," the man in front of you picks up his chopsticks and you mirror his action.

you both eat in silence, enjoying the foreign dish, before a thought pops into your mind. it's that crossroad, where there wasn't a soul to be seen. it seemed like nanami knew about it and you couldn't help but be curious about it.

swallowing your bite, you anxiously asked, "sir?" getting his attention, you continued. "can you tell me about the place where i got lost?"

nanami thickly swallowed before answering. "it's an abandoned part of town, mainly because people who go there disappear and don't come back," he raised an eyebrow at you, "i think you can imagine why that is."

"cursed spirits?" you meekly ask.

"an unseen amount, yes. the jujutsu sorcerers can't regulate them properly. it seems to be a huge area that attracts them," he explains, looking irritated.

"that's horrible, even more so that they can't find out why it's happening," you ponder about it for a while, but let it go eventually. still, it's going to be stuck in your head.

finishing your food, you stood up to help with the dishes before you were stopped.

"it's alright, y/n. i'll do the dishes, you should rest," nanami sounds out from behind you, collecting the small bowls.

"you should be the one resting, sir. i should do it, you're the one who made such an amazing meal after all," you try to protest again, however this time, nanami just doesn't have the strenght to put up with it.

"then you wash them and i will dry them and put them away, is that fine?" he sighed.

"okay then, but only because i don't know where to put them once i'm done!"

as you start to wash the dirty dishes, nanami stands right beside you. that's when it dawns upon you that you still only have your short tee and shorts on. embarrassed, you fixate your eyes onto the sink and try to forget about your poor choice of clothing.

your mentor of course noticed your outfit but tried to be professional about it. whenever you would finish up washing a dish and hand it over, nanami's fingers would brush over yours in the slightest. it was driving you crazy and you soon started to shiver, even though your hands were under the warm water and your ears were red hot.

"y/n?" the aforementioned man spoke up to you, "are you cold?"

oh, this was a nightmare. "no i'm okay!" you straightened up, trying to keep as still as possible but your body was not taking orders from you anymore.

"you're shivering, is the water cold?" he looked over to you as you nervously smiled. "why are you wearing shorts if you're cold? and such a short shirt," it felt almost as if he was scolding you.

"it's okay, sir, i'm not cold, it's just a shirt that was lying around, i was packing up so quickly i didn't realise," you tried to laugh it off but before you opened your eyes, the man disappeared. shortly after he came back with one of his own shirts and set it down on the other side of the counter.

"it's okay, you can have this one for the time being," he patted your back, took a small bowl and started drying it. not wanting this to be more embarrassing than it already was, you let out a small "thank you" before finishing up the dishes.

heading towards the bathroom to shower and change the godforsaken shirt, he called for you one more time.

"do you want to watch the tv before you go to sleep? i don't have one in my bedroom."

"if you wouldn't mind, then yes," you quickly showered and went back to the living room.

"just put on anything you'd like, i'm going to take a shower," you heard nanami's voice from around the corner before hearing the door close.

"thank you, sir!" you shouted back at him and went to find the remote, stealing nanami's blanket before he comes back.

turning on the tv and finding netflix, you had no idea what to watch. you felt like nothing was interesting and whatever was, you already saw six times. seeing a new crime tv show, you put it on only to be fast asleep after half an episode.

nanami took his time, letting you watch whatever you were watching, but before long he couldn't endure the scorching heat of the shower and came out. finally changing into his casual clothes, he heard gunshots and arguments on the tv. sighing, he made his way to the living room, only to find you sleeping on the couch, remote still in hand.

he pinched the bridge of his nose, not believing the situation. nevertheless, he slowly approached the couch and tried waking you up. to no avail.

"y/n, hey wake up," he shook with you slightly, whispering so you wouldn't be in too much of a shock once you wake up. "y/n!" he whisper-shouted at you a few times, which was obviously also not doing anything.

"i can't believe this kid," he whispered to himself, wrapping you in his blanket more. he then picked you up bridal style and slowly made his way to his bedroom, trying not to stumble.

finally setting you down on his bed, he was prepared to take the other blanket from the bed and leave, when a small hand tugged at his sleeve.

"y/n?" he whispered, not sure whether you were awake by now or not.

when you didn't respond, he decided you were sleeping, so he should go too. that's when your hand tugged at his sleeve again, and he noticed small tears rolling down your cheeks.

his heart skipped a beat at that, but he decided that this wasn't right, and ultimately swiped your tears with his thumb and left. without a blanket at that.

he couldn't believe you slept through all of that. maybe a new student was just what he needed in life.

got a bit of a writer's block but we're so back. i think i might just rewatch jjk for this man(❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)

[jdsgothwife]

lawlight fic rec list

so i’m gonna do a series of these, starting with my favorite death note ship! make sure to pay attention to all warnings on these fics. enjoy! if you have a ship you’d like me to make a rec list for, please just send me an ask! i don’t want to be obnoxious, and i’m not saying they’re good, but i (slackjawbitch on ao3) have some lawlight fics up!

♡ = a favorite of kitty’s

angst

♡ 1. i’m drowning; please save me: L looks at Yagami Light and drowns. There is no other way to put it. As the days pass and blend into weeks, L looks at Yagami Light sitting next to him, the harsh lines of his face creased and determined, and he swallows water.

L looks at Yagami Light and he cannot breathe.

great characterization, always makes me very emo, and is probably a pretty major influence on my writing. one shot. 1,817 words.

2. always waiting for you just to cut to the bone: And then, breaking through the pounding in his head he hears what would be the last words out of that wretched man’s lips.

“I love you.”

fic for teh death note drama (2016) canon! title is unfortunately from a t*ylor sw*ft song (/silly) but this fic is so good and sad.

3. Our Bodies, Possessed By Light: L. Lawliet is a gifted photographer who believes he has understood the light and its secrets. Light Yagami is a young, unstable and slightly crooked model. Together, they kill time.

modeling and photography au. make sure to read all teh tags and warnings for this one; there’s nothing gross, but some potentially triggering subjects for some people are in here. multi chapter. 81,218 words.

4. Hearts and Spades: Which would you choose? Love or death? RaitoL, slight AU.

short but sweet piece featuring that classic fanfiction dot net era vibe, an emo-ass playing card metaphor (/pos), and a recounting of l’s death scene that made me sad over him all over again (also /pos). and also light being obnoxious, but it’s death note, so that’s usually a given, lol. one shot. 1,801 words.

5. Not Quite Drowning: Sometimes Light ponders happiness. L/Light

a short lawlight and light character study. i like it a lot, and i don’t usually like light, so that should tell you something about how well i think it’s written! one shot. 424 words.

♡ 6. Water, water, water: In the bath, they forget they’re a detective and a suspect; they remove these identities along with their clothes, layer by layer until there are only the handcuffs left. And them; facing the other in the eerie calmness of their bathroom.

At least, it’s how Light sees it.

i really love this one! make sure to read teh tags, as eating disorders and drugs are mentioned, for example. angst with a happy ending! one shot. 3,504 words.

fluff

1. Silver Bells: Silver bells...silver bells...

They’ve made it. Everything is okay now, when they’re dancing in the candlelight.

really, really cute! i recommend it as a palate cleanser to make you feel better after reading a sad one, lol. one shot. 1,255 words.

♡ 2. New Year’s Eve: "I've seen fireworks before," he says. "This is... so much... more."

just a cute little new year’s eve lawlight fireworks show! this one is also from 2009 which is kinda cool to me, haha. i like this author’s descriptive language a lot. one shot. 507 words.

♡ 3. Do Gay Penguins Go to Hell?: Too many New Year snacks bring about a family discussion between L, Raito and their daughter about healthy diet, common sayings and nature of good and evil. And gay penguins, of course. AU

a really darling kid fic, based on teh stupid, homophobic controversy over that adorable kids’ book about teh gay penguin couple. one shot. 3,791 words.

4. A Feeling: It's LxLight fluff! This takes place after Light was confined and lost his memories, chained to L. : D SO YUS. SOME FLUFF FOR YAH D: Hope you leik it :D

very cute “l and light cuddle and kiss” fic, written by a scene kid in 2008, which is extra points with me! one shot. 1,006 words.

alright! i will add to this rec list as i find more fics, and i would love it if people would send in their favorite lawlight fics!

[thegalaxysedge22]

After Ever (Chapter 1)

pair: sylus x MC (named, sorry)

tags: grief, descriptions and depictions of death, swearing, also spoilers for the game lol

word count: 2.5k

summary (full fic): after her grandmother's tragic death, kore promises to avenger her and find out the truth of the aether core inside of her heart. along the way she learns of the mysterious onychinus and their feared leader sylus, a man she hates with every fiber of her being. but something isn't adding up with it all, together kore and sylus uncover secrets of the past and their views of each other are challenged

song rec: marjorie by taylor swift (just to give you an idea of what you're gonna get)

a/n: idk about the title also bc this is a long form thing and only chapter 1 we don't meet sylus yet. also just so we're all clear this is going to be cannon adjacent, with some things being pulled directly from the game i am still going through the chapters but a hyperfixation's gotta hyperfixate.

Caleb and Grandma are gone. They’re dead.

I’ll never get to hear Grandma’s laugh or have Caleb’s food ever again - they’re just gone.

Kore still can’t believe it. Sitting at her desk at the Hunter’s Association unsure how to process it all. The official report of their deaths stared back at her from the screen. A metaflux explosion, one of the many to happen recently. Kore couldn’t take how the report portrayed both her Grandma and Caleb as another statistic, an inevitable tragedy caused by energy fluctuations. Whether it was delusion or a hunch, she could tell something wasn’t right about it, she had no way to prove it but in her heart- Kore just knew that this couldn’t be the whole story. 

The news playing segment playing in the background was rattling on about the series of metaflux explosions and the anchor's voice grating on her last nerves. Anger was brewing inside of her, Kore’s heart was breaking all over again, how could they use Caleb and her Grandmother’s deaths in this way. They didn’t even talk about the way Grandma could light up a room or the crinkles around her eyes when she laughed, or how Caleb loved cooking and would cook for others at every chance he got.

She couldn’t keep listening to this, Kore starts to reach for the remote when a hand swoops down and shuts off the TV. Tara’s concerned face looks back at her.

“What are you doing here Kore,” her work best friend asks, “I thought you were out on a mission again, or maybe you went home.”

“Yeah, I'm gonna clock out soon, I just finished reading these reports. I have to turn them in first,” Kore says and returns her focus onto her computer.

“You’re working so hard. Handling all these missions and investigating the Metaflux incidents.”

“...I refuse to believe what happened to me was just an accident,” Kore says confidently. Although she doesn’t have any definitive proof as of right now, she is confident that something about it all doesn’t quite add up.

Tara vocalizes her concern over her friend’s wellbeing, offering to take her out for food, because it was clear she hasn’t been eating. But before a response could come for Kore, their captain, Jenna, walks in.

“Captain,” Tara says, her schoolgirl crush on the captain would normally make Kore smile, but she just doesn’t have that in her right now. “I’ll send you the reports soon!” Tara finishes enthusiastically.

“Thank you,” Jenna says before looking between the two of them, “I just got one about a protocore analysis. Who sent it?”

“Oh, yes. Sorry about that,” Kore tries to sound normal but her words come out in a monotonous voice. “That was me,” she says, trying to stand up, but nearly topples over when her blood pressure drops and her vision gets blurry. Tara is trying to convince her that she needs to go home and rest when Kore’s phone starts ringing, saving her from the rest of her friend’s lecture.

It had turned out that the call was a reminder about her doctor’s appointment with Zayne, and that is how she had ended up at the Akso Hospital waiting for an emergency surgery to finish so she could talk to him. Is he always this busy? I mean he has always been a bit of an overachiever I suppose, Kore thought to herself as she stared off into the waiting room.

She was so lost in her thought that she didn’t even notice Zayne had approached her, not until he waved his hand in front of her face and snapped her out of her trance.

“Sorry about that,” Kore said sheepishly, “I guess I sort of dazed off while waiting for you.”

“Well I’m here now. Should we go over your results,” Zayne said, making a gesture towards his office. Kore nodded and walked in sitting down at his desk, and he was not far behind.

Zayne, ever the professional, proceeded to go over the report with her. He said basically the same things she had heard throughout her entire life, that the Protocore fragment in her heart is dangerous and she needs to be mindful of it. He spared her the scolding about her intense life choices as a Hunter, having learned long ago that will not deter Kore. In his rambling, Zayne had managed to say something that really captured her attention.

“You are unlike any patient with your type of Protocore Syndrome that I have ever seen, all the evidence says that you should not be as healthy as you are, in fact you likely shouldn’t even be alive. It’s a miracle you are quite frankly, and that you are as in good of shape as you are. A true scientific anomaly,” Zayne said, seemingly more engaged in the conversation than he was going over the reports.

“Well Grandma always told me I was special,” Kore said with a lighthearted chuckle. 

Zayne looked at her, eyes softened and full of concern, “I had been meaning to check in on you, I’ve just been so busy at the hospital recently. So, how are you, Kore?”

“I’m doing about as well as you can expect I suppose,” she responded trying to put a smile on her face, “But it has been really hard.” Kore’s gaze turned down to her hands which were fiddling in her lap.

“I can imagine, and I hope you know that I am here for you, Kore,” Zayne said, catching her gaze, eyes full of empathy. “Now I am reminded that you Grandma gave me something she had wanted to give to you,” he said before pulling out a locked box.

“Do you know what it is?” she questioned, taking the box in her hands and looking it over.

“I do not. Your Grandma gave me explicit instructions to hold onto it and give it to you should anything happen to her,” he said, folding his hands on his desk. Before Kore could form a response a Protofeild appeared in Zanye’s office and a wanderer emerged.

“The hospital’s flux stabilizer must be down, I gotta alert the association. Stay back Zayne.” Kore says, attempting to alert the Hunter’s Association of the threat

“You are in no position to be fighting like this, Kore,” Zayne said while she fidgeted with her watch.  Rolling up his sleeves, Zayne continued, “Your heart is exceptionally vulnerable and it would be neglectful of me as your doctor to let you partake in this alone. We will defeat this Wanderer together.”

Luckily, the fight went fast, Zayne was really effective with his Evol fighting the Wanderers, it almost made Kore question why he even bothered to go into the medical field in the first place.

“Here, let me walk you out, Kore,” Zayne said once the fight was finished.

“Oh, you don’t need to do that, I know where the door is,” Kore said awkwardly, hoping not to take time out of the doctor’s schedule.

“Please, I insist. I am due for a break anyways,” he said, opening the door wide hand gesturing for her to go first. At that point Kore knew nothing was going to change his mind, so he shrugged and walked out of the office.

“Yvonne, did anything happen to the hospital’s flux stabilizer just now?” Zayne asked his receptionist on their way out.

“No,” Yvonne responded confused with a furrowed brow, “Why do you ask, did something happen?”

“Oh no, nothing happened, I thought I heard the alarm go off,” Zayne responded, the lie rolling fluidly off his tongue, which confused Kore as he had always been an honest man. “Anyways, I am off to lunch, do you need anything while I am gone?”

“Oh, no thanks, I just ate,” Yvonne responded. 

Zanye nodded towards her before focusing his attention back on Kore while motioning ahead he asked her, “Shall we go?”

Kore gave him a weak nod, a questioning look on her face as the two fell in step. “What was that about? Shouldn’t we alert someone about what just happened?”

“It seems like it was an anomaly, and there is no need to cause a panic in the hospital over a one off thing,” Zayne said, in his usual scholarly tone, “What is important now, is where would you like to go to eat?”

At night, when Kore returned to her apartment, her mind was in a fog. Grief had been consuming her since the accident, its tendrils had dug deep inside her mind, trapping her there. Everything had been so confusing since the accident that her brain hurt.

Dropping her bag off at the door she took off her shoes before plopping herself on the couch. That’s where she saw it. On the coffee table lay Caleb’s necklace. She reached out and grasped it, clutching it tightly to her chest as if it was the only thing tying her to him, and to some extent it was.

The ghosts of memories that were haunting her had returned yet again. She started playing back the time when she had gifted it to Caleb. He had been leaving for school to become a pilot and had promised that he would keep it on him at all times, but the only reason why she had the necklace left in the first place was because he had dropped it. Tears started spilling from her eyes at a steady pace.

It was the only thing she had left of him, no, it was the only thing she had left of them. Of course their bodies weren’t recoverable, the fire had burned so bright that they were no longer distinguishable from the rubble in the mountain of ash that once had been her home. One of the first responders even marveled at the rarity of it all, as a fire has to burn almost unnaturally hot for even bones to turn to cinder. They also remarked on how unevenly the fire had burned, with some parts of her Grandmother’s house having been completely turned to ash and others were still recognizable even in their charred state.

She was inconsolable now, sobs wracked through her small body like an earthquake trembles the earth. She clutched the pendant so tight her knuckles turned white. For how long she stayed in that state, she would never know.

Eventually, something inside of her snapped. Something about the whole thing was wrong, there had to be something that she was missing. Pulling out her laptop she started to search for all that she could find on the recent metaflux explosions. The explosion that killed her family had been the 32nd recent metaflux, up until Grandma and Caleb, there had been no casualties, not even minor injuries. The other explosions were also less catastrophic to the buildings, of course they were badly damaged but they weren’t destroyed like her grandmother’s house was. 

That shouldn’t be right, Kore thought to herself, what was so different about this one, why isn’t it like the other metaflux explosions? With that she started diving into all she could find relating to how metaflux worked. Thankfully, Ever, a multinational group that has been studying metaflux for years (along with a myriad of other things), was an incredible resource as to how metaflux functioned.

The very first signs of daylight started to emerge from the windows of her apartment as she was scouring a scholarly research paper commissioned by Ever. She was struggling to understand exactly what it was saying and growing increasingly more frustrated at the complex scientific jargon.

At her wit’s end she scrolled down to the end of the paper hoping to find something more clear there, luckily she found something even better. Down at the end of the page was the head researcher’s contact information, a Dr. J. Higgins. A surge of relief rushed through her and she quickly started to compose an email to him. Before she could type anything out the computer screen went black. A primal sound of rage erupted through Kore;s throat. 

This can’t be happening, she screamed in her mind. Where the absolute FUCK is my charger, she thought to herself while she practically tore her place apart like a madman. She turned back to the couch about to reside herself to defeat in a wave of frustration, when she spotted the darkened silhouette of her backpack. How could I miss that, I had my laptop with me at work today, idiot, she scolded herself.

She practically stormed to her bag and when she opened it she saw the box that Zanye had given her earlier, the one from her Grandma. It was like time slowed down, Kore pulled it out of the bag like it was the most delicate thing in the world, completely forgetting the charger.

Her footsteps padded over to her small dining table and she sat down. Carefully she placed the box on the table in front of her wondering what could possibly be inside it. Why on earth would Grandma give it to Zayne of all people, no offense Zayne, she thought to herself as her fingers traced the outline of the box. Fear, anxiety, anticipation, and more coursed through Kore as she sat staring at the box unsure what to do about it.

Finally, curiosity got the better of her and she opened the box. Inside were multiple files of papers, one even being marked as classified. She took a beat to look at the sheer amount of documents then opened the first file and started reading.

The more she read the more she slipped into a state of denial. She was the result of an experiment and an aether core had been placed in her heart. What the fuck is an aether core, she thought to herself, she pulled out her phone to look it up. Nothing came up, other than whispers of it being an Ever project on forums that were now ancient, which she easily disregarded. But the worst thing they said was that her grandma had been involved in it somehow, her name being scattered throughout the papers. Not wanting to believe what the documents had said, Kore threw the papers back into the case and slammed the lid. 

By now the sun is up and people are starting to go about their day. Kore did the same and followed her typical morning routine, but she brewed an extra large pot of coffee to compensate for her all-nighter. Somehow she remained in a trance-like state but her thoughts were racing. 

After a large cup of coffee with breakfast, Kore went to change into a new uniform, not wanting people to get the wrong idea if she showed up in a zombie-like state in yesterday’s clothes.

Before she left, she poured herself a thermos with the rest of the coffee to bring to work. She went to the coffee table and grabbed her laptop before reluctantly leaving the security of her apartment.

Next >

[theinvisiblemuseum]

hi liv 🧠🫁🫀(no liver emoji they need 2 fix this STAT) fic writer ask game circulating:

“Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤”

any fics you’d like 2 share…🌚🌝

hellooo my darling rae 🧠

u will be testing the capacity of my brain, as i've suddenly forgotten everything i've ever written ! but we shall try.

eat your heart out (ongoing series) ft pandalily, bartydora, bartylilydora, soon to feature jegulus & roach as well... it's my bloody self indulgent mess. i love it dearly. i can't choose just one installment because they're all one big blob in my mind, not to be separated !!

heaven is here if you want it (multi chap) ft jegulus, wolfstar, lilycissa, belladora, & tedromeda... if i can ever get around to finishing this it might be one of my favorite projects i've written. idk why. i love character centered stores, i love plane crashes, i love tragic and brutal deaths, all of which tie neatly into the hihiywi bow. <3

sexy baby (multi chap) ft wolfstar, jegulus, pandalily, & roach... i've never written anything more chaotic in my life and i have loved every second of it + cowriting with my soulmate yizzity yazzity is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off. chaos, car chases & cocaine: the fic!

bury a friend (multi chap) ft many romances that don't matter... an actual finished fic for a change !! gore, drama, camp, humor, sex, drugs, romance, mystery, horror, dancing queen by abba! i miss her! i should really get around to writing the ghostface pov spinoff..

my kink is karma (oneshot) ft evan(s)... i couldn't NOT choose an evan(s) fic as they are the ship of my dreams and nightmares all in one + my favorite chappell song. it's horny, it's silly, it's romantic, it's a gift for yaz, that about says it all

this was brutal reminder of all the fics i've started to write and never posted as well bc i keep being like wait... where's my favorite fic.. then i remember it's a 50 page planning doc with a chapter and a half written 🚬

tis all !! ty for sending this 2 me, made me reminisce on when i actually had time to write all the things i want to :,)

[musing-and-music]

Thank you for the tag @the-blue-eyed-firebender !

The story you're proudest of:

That would be one of the first multi-chaptered fic I translated, Her story through her hair, and I would also add my first smut, It's a moment in between the others

Your story that's gotten the most love online:

That would be She's not a diamond, my JB Regency AU! I haven't updated it in a while, the fault to ffnet that refuses to send me emails when there's a Nuit du FoF, the moment I usually write one or even two chapters. It's the outlier in my stats, the one that has the most of everything except word and chapter counts

Tease a current WIP or idea you're working on:

From the next chapter of The name was a knife, twisting in her belly:

The surprise on Jaime’s eyes melted into an undefinable softness, and moved by a sudden impulse, she swore this oath. “I, Brienne of Tarth, promise you to use this sword to help the Stark daughters and help you restore your honor.” A small gasp from Jaime was his only reaction for a few seconds, before he put his hand and stump over the sword so their skin touched. Brienne shivered involuntarily. “And I, Jaime Lannister, accept your promise. I will do everything I can to help you in this enterprise so you can stay safe as well.”

Your top 3 fandoms:

Fullmetal Alchemist, A Song of Ice and Fire, The Lord of the Rings

Your top 3 ships:

Unsurprisingly: Royai, Jaime x Brienne, Farawyn

Rec someone else's fic:

the story's just beginning (time we did some living) by starsinherblood aka @jedidragonwarriorqueen, marked "Royai fluff for dark times" in my bookmarks, and rereading it, I still agree with that note!

Pick one!

Fluff or Angst: Hard choice! I think I'm better at writing fluff

Oneshots or longfics: One-shots, whether they're long or not, even though I'm writing more multi-chaptered fics lately. But I can't consider them as longfics (the threshold is around 50k words for me)

Canon compliance or canon divergence: it depends on the fandom, though. I'll write more canon compliance for FMA, and more AUs or canon divergence for ASOIAF

AO3 or FF.net: As I was saying earlier, ffnet is sometimes annoying, and it's not the place where my fics have the most success. I only publish in French there now

Tagging @jedidragonwarriorqueen, @torchwood-99 @writergirl2011 @writing-royza if you want to!

[thedroneranger]

The Drone Ranger's Be Kind Rewind ⏪ SometimesAnAlice Edition!

A rec reblog series dedicated to the fics that we love so much, we've re-read them!

@sometimesanalice's Rewind has landed! I have to give kudos for the commentary; I enjoyed reading it immensely! Plus, this peak hype person energy, and I am here for it!

While we continue to churn out amazing new content, let's be kind and rewind to look at some of the OG content we love! And don't forget to reblog when you re-read! Continue to show your comfort fics and favorite creators some love. It helps keep the fresh content coming :)

Let's keep this going throughout the summer, so if you're interested in participating in the Be Kind Rewind, message me. The more, the merrier!

If you want to know when a new Rewind drops, join the tag list, and check out previous Rewinds!

fics below the cut (listed in alphabetical order by title)

baby, i’m high octane, Jake Seresin, @laracrofted I could write papers and sing songs about how much I love this series. I refuse to remain calm about it because it is so devastatingly good. Ames has such a stunning way with words, I am always so immersed and transported and blown away by her work. There are lines in her stories that just stick with me for days and parts that I think about endlessly. (I’m also delicate about Delicate, do not get me started!) But BIHO is in a league of its own. Nora is an OC who you instantly love and root for right from the very first chapter. There is something so special about the way Jake is written in this story, the layer of depth he has is so compelling to me. And it has been such a treat going on the journey with them as they find their way to each other in the dreamiest of slowburns. Add this to the top of your TBR pile, you won’t be sorry!

can't unfeel that, Jake Seresin, @theharddeck I think about this fic A LOT. The yearning and pining and emotional intimacy is so deliciously angsty as these friends-with-benefits fight the deeper feelings they’re developing without knowing the other person is feeling the exact same way. Sana does an incredible job building the tension and exploring the dynamics between these two as they try (and fail) to keep it casual. It’s bittersweet, it’s juicy, it’s unforgettable. And fair warning, the smut in this will send you into a tizzy. 

Government Issued, Bradley Bradshaw, @bradshawsbaby I love this trope so much, I get such a kick out of the idea that people are out there getting fined for “defacing Naval property”, but this one in particular is so much fun! There is a lovely sense of domesticity that makes this such a cozy, fluffy story to read. However, it’s the build up and the banter that never ceases to amuse me! I love to revisit when I need a good laugh.

Jealousy, Bradley Bradshaw, @gretagerwigsmuse I am the self appointed president of the Smart Aleck and Bradley fan club. These two have had me in a chokehold since the moment I read them and they haven’t let go of me since. I had such a hard time picking which to highlight for this because I love and reread so many (sending all my love to skyrockets in flight, afternoon delight). No one breaks my heart and puts it back together or makes me yearn and pine or giggle and blush like these two. They are my favorites and I’m so thankful for them because their story is so special. The care and attention to detail that Jordan puts into her fics is just unmatched. But there is something about Coach Dadley Dadshaw that just warms my heart in the best way. I love getting to see the sweet glimpses into the future and lovely life that these two get to build together, I’m truly so soft over it. This story in particular gets me with Dadley!Bradley, Jealous!Bradley, and all the witty banter that Jordan writes so well! It has got it all: fluffy feels, humor, and a dash of smutty goodness!

Mighty Fine, Bradley Bradshaw, @thebirdandthebee The way this fic gets me grinning and buzzing every time I read it! The fluffy, smutty adrenaline rush of it all! I have so much love for the smitten Rooster in this story! He is so gone and so soft for the OC Caroline, who is an absolute firecracker. The build up is such a fun one that you can’t help but cheer for him when he finally gets his girl!

No Sex with the Ex, Bradley Bradshaw, @tongue-like-a-razor  Lena has so many stories on her masterlist that I go back to again and again and again (shout out to The Zipper Incident and Faking It and Less Talk). She is the QUEEN of tension and electric, witty banter. They always read so effortlessly and I am constantly left in awe at the finesse of her storytelling! I always find myself swooning, and laughing, and yearning when I read her stories! There are so many things I love about this in particular from the Hangster bromance to the jealous!bradley to the pining of it all! No matter how many times I read it, I still get a little thrill from it!

Red Flags, Green Flags, Bradley Bradshaw, @roosterforme There’s a reason this story has 4K+ notes on it: it’s fun, it’s flirty, it’s perfect! "Are you asking me on a date while I'm technically still on a date with Jake?" you asked him with a grin.//"Oh, your date with Jake ended a good thirty minutes ago," he informed you with a very serious look. "Now you're on a first date with me. You having fun?"-- NEED I SAY MORE? Your honor, I rest my case.

Tuesday Night (prequel to Not A Coincidence), Bradley Bradshaw, @sehnsuchts-trunken There is nothing more that I love than a slow burn and some good old fashioned mutual pining, and this little duology has it in spades! Mary’s Reader is so quippy and sarcastic, the banter always gets me laughing. The tension and chemistry is so palpable in these fics, you can’t help but be greedy about wanting to read more! And it doesn’t hurt that Rooster is just so swoon worthy. 

Untitled childhood Bradley series, Bradley Bradshaw, @the-ace-with-spades I have read a lot of angsty stories that hit me in the feels, but nothing has quite ruined me emotionally like this series has. This universe where after Carole’s death Bradley goes to live with Mav and Ice, as he tries to figure out where he fits in this new family is absolutely gut wrenching in the best way. There have been times where it was so hard to read because I was blinded by the tears in my eyes. The way it makes my heart ache! It’s still a work in progress, but I am so hopeful for a soft landing. 

You Don’t Get to Taste the Honey Without the Sting of the Bee, Bradley Bradshaw, @notroosterbradshaw No list is complete without something from Cass! There are so many that I debated picking (g.u.y, the boyfriend experience, the 1%), but the angst in this one just sticks to my ribs and I think about it often. When Cass leans into the angst, she really LEANS into it and this one hurts so good. Bradley is so realistically flawed in a way that makes you want to shake him for being so blasé to his partner’s feelings. I love the way Reader sticks up for herself and I ache for her in the way her partner is the source of her pain. It’s complicated and messy and real and I love it. Hit me in the feels and I will come back for more, and Cass keeps me coming back for more!

Creator's Own

Give Me Your Hand {Here is My Heart} (2-part Series) The ‘Like I Can’ series is something that took on a life of its own. What was supposed to be a little one shot turned into a three part series that turned into a universe of its own that takes up half of my masterlist. I love writing for these two, but I am really partial to this little mini-series that explores their relationship and builds up to their first time together. I think there are some fun moments, but also some tender and emotional ones as they take that final step from being just friends to being something more. Next from me will be Vol. 2 to Leave a Light On!

Tag list and friends: @petcr3 @desert-fern @Sagittarius-Lovewitch @mygyn @sweetwhispersofchaos @horseshoegirl @the-annoying-fan @dingochef @moon42flight @thecitysgraveyard @ereardon @roosterforme @cherrycola27 @galaxy-of-stories @taytaylala12 @malindacath @violyn20 @awildewit @potato-girl99981 @shanimallina87 @blue-aconite @djs8891 @linkpk88 @furiousladyking @daggerspare-standingby @princess76179 @jstarr86 @hecate-steps-on-me @darkheartcherry @soulmates8 @roosters-girl @dempy @roosterisdaddy36 @hangmanscoming @s-u-t @mavrellover91 @chicomonks @averyhotchner 

A kind reminder, this is a 18+ blog. While not all stories in the recommendation list are 18+, please respect boundaries and do not interact unless you are 18 years of age or older.

[spicysix]

event masterlist

can you guys believe it's been a whole year since we've met Eddie Munson?! since I've fallen head over heals for that man? since i've been reading a different ST fanfic every night before bed? since i've flipped this blog Upside Down (heh) and made this little TV show my entire personality?

and since then i've done a lot! i went back into writing fanfics after 5 years of nothing, first of all. and i've met and befriended so many special people, and i've admired so many special fanworks, and we all bonded over some children and their gaggle of babysitters.

and you saw my little blog dedicated to our little blorbos and decided to stay here ♡

so because of all that, i'm kickstarting a double (and my first one ever) celebration! pop one of those below into my inbox and get me working!

・celebration begins May 27 and ends May 31 ・meaning you can send requests until the end date, but i'm a bit slow so it can take me longer than that to answer everything. be patient, please ♡ ・you can send in as many requests as you want, just please send different emojis requests in different asks! ・you don't need to be following me to participate (but if you liked it, consider following anyway? let's be friends!) ・minors and billy stans DNI

🦇 eddie's pet demobat - send me this emoji + a fic or fanwork you'd like to show some love to! make the authors/artists happy and give us readers and enjoyers something to appreciate. you can also rec your own work of course! ♡

🎸 eddie's warlock - send me this emoji + a number from 1 to 11 and i'll post a promotional piece or a snippet from a chapter of my biggest WIP: it feels like i'm going home - a eddie X reader roadtrip fic! the numbers can only be asked once each, so be fast and choose wisely!

📖 robin's russian dictionary - send me this emoji + a word, song, prompt or scenario + a character or ship and i'll write you a ficlet! ↳ here's some prompt lists to give you some ideas if you need! ↳ check out my guidelines to see who i write for ↳ if you want you can specify if you want fem! or gn! reader

🏏 steve's baseball bat - send me this emoji + a character, ship (specify if you want romantic or platonic) or gang and i'll share my favorite headcanons. or, send me the emoji + your favorite headcanons!

📸 jonathan's camera - send me this emoji + an episode (from any season) and i'll share my favorite scene. or, send me the emoji + your favorite scenes and let's talk about them!

🍄 argyle's shrooms - send me this emoji + any question you want, anything you wanna know about me or that you wanna share about yourself! let's chat, play games, and get to know each other ♡

🔫 nancy's (childsafe water)gun - send me this emoji and i'll give you my first impressions of your blog through a moodboard!

thank you so much to everyone that follows me and interacts with me or supports my fics in any way!! i love you all to the moon and back, hope to stay here for a long while to talk about our beloved ones. and here's to many more friends to come! ♡

tagging some mutuals that i adore to help me spread the word (no pressure!): @thornsnvultures @beep-beep-sherlock @sunshine-munson @chaoticgood-munson @pollenallergie @wormdebut @paranoidmunson @districtsof-treason @willowsgrl @steviesnailbat @mvnsoneddie86 @inourtownofhawkins @singledadharrington @pepsimunson @itwasallblue @taintedcigs @chrissymjstan @eddiemunsons-missingnipple @beenabutterandjelly @king-calycanthus @callingmrsbarnes @chaotic--agraphia

[ihni]

🌟Writer Appreciation🌟

When you get this show of our five of your favorite fics and five fics you like from other writers then send this to at least one other person.

(Since I was also tagged by @sanguine-tenshi to post my five favorite fics that I've written, I'm gonna smash'em together, because I don't wanna be too self-centered!)

My (current) five favorite fics that I've written (in no particular order): 1. Baby steps (a tumblr post that grew) 2. Taking Notes (bodyswap; longest fic I've written) 3. Birthday boy (made the most people cry, MUAHAHAA!) 4. Every weather is sweater weather in Hawkins (feelgood) 5. Over the edge (guilty pleasure, most fun to write)

And then about the five fics from other people ... you know what, let's make this interesting! I'm gonna rec SMUT, since you poor followers never ever get that, with my own writing XD (and since it's a rare, rare occurrance, let's do TEN): 1. On Billy by @sanguine-tenshi (because I just re-read it yesterday) (Billy&the basketball team basically, filthy filthy filthy, with a fantastic bonus non-smutty third chapter that I really enjoyed) 2. Mine Again by youllneverrecme (which, obviously I WILL rec you) (Harringroveson, mpreg - which, pregnancies overall freak me out but I'm a big girl and know how to skip the parts that aren't for me - and I really enjoyed the dynamics between the three in this) 3. this ain't a love song by @brawlite and @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger (Harringrove, college au, drinking, King Steve comes out to play) 4. ¿Por qué no los dos? by @robthegoodfellow (Harringroveson, ARO BILLY!! Fantastic to be reading aro ANYONE honestly, especially in a ship and with smut! A+ Love this) 5. Feeding Your Hunger by @weird-an (Harringroveson, and I just love this dynamic they've got going on) (Also honorary mention to Clutching Pearls, which I recently re-read and was so enamored by the thought of Billy in a pearl necklace that I forgot it had fisting in it XD) 6. brainless by shippertrash140109 (Harringrove, through Jonathan's eyes. One of the earliest smutty fics I enjoyed reading. So prettily written!) 7. Secrets make this town by Oop (@thingsalexwrites I think) (Harringrove + Hopper. This is so surprisingly sweet and feels romantic, admist all the fucking) 8. The Stolen Sapphire by @billyharringson (Harringroveson, very obsessive and unhealthy probably but SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN) (honestly, anything by Jad3w1ings is bound to be good, I'm also very into Forged so far but that's not done so it doesn't get the MAIN rec :p) 9. .｡❅*⋆⍋* Warm Nights at Frosty Heights *⍋⋆*❅｡. by @bouncypickle (Will never not rec this. The most romantic and unproblematic smut you ever did see. Feelgod fic, with smut.) 10. Smell of Apples by @neonponders (Harringrove, Steve is a demon and Billy's a man of the Church. It's exactly what you think it is, but better. Plus, apple pie mention! Oh, and the most savage line ever; "We're older than your god". Love.)

[isabel3710]

Update on the Country Branch fic.

So I am still working on the last chapter of BroZone Rocks Out (it's taking me a lot longer than I thought it was going to) but I'm hoping to finish by the end of the week.

Once I am done with BroZone Rocks Out I'll have more time to work on the rough draft of 'I Wanna Find A Home' (that's what the country Branch fic will be called) I want to post the first chapter here in a week or two.

In the meanwhile, some of you may of noticed that I have done a few concept drawings. You can check those out and all the other posts I made about the AU here.

Another than that I don't got much else. But I am still looking for country songs that fit the vibe of the fic. I'm hoping to make a Spotify playlist so if you guys want to send me song recs I am more than open to them!

If you have any questions feel free to send them my way and I'll do my best to answer them.

Tag List:

Let me know if you want to be added!

@rocksibblingsau

@heavenlypinky

@crunchycoookies

[wrongcaitlyn]

I forgot to send this earlier but I love the fierrochase oneshot!!!! I was wondering what artists you used as inspo for alex :) also flustered magnus was so cute he is down incredibly bad. you once again have adopted the backstories in a way that makes sense and I love that. wait I guess it’s not technically a oneshot but ykwim. im super excited to get back to nico and will tho!!!!!!!!!!

ahh thank you so much!! and for alex, bc i pictured him as a sorta alt indie sorta rock artist, and i don't really listen to that genre, i just went with boygenius back when originally writing his character - since then, though, i started listening to a bit of paramore (for my eras tour shows lmao, i only knew the popular singles before that) and i honestly feel like they fit alex a bit better?? like i DO think he would have a few of those sad balads and stuff, and two songs that i canonically made alex's were 'salt in the wound' and 'black hole' with i think are very fitting for him, but yeah. might also be thinking some paramore! but honestly since i dont have many recs from the genre everyone is completely free to imagine his music as whatever tehy like!! but i did make a playlist for the fic here so <33

and i'm so so glad you liked it!!! more of their backstories to come in ch 2, because honestly i have way too much lore for all these characters i barely mention😭😭 im in WAY too deep in this universe, gotta restrain myself from diverging from the main fic too much!! but ME TOO i'm actually so excited to write the next main chapter of tgol. i hope i can get ahead while on the every other week schedule so i can promise more consistent updates!!!

[fbfh]

rocks at your window pt. 9 - ricky bowen x reader

disclaimer: this series contains smut and chapter by chapter warnings, so as with all nsfw works, ricky is aged up to 18+!! ricky and reader are 18 and in their senior year

additionally, we're working towards a ricky x therapy plot so he's going to start expressing some symptoms of mental illness and bpd but he does get therapy eventually and has a good support system but he gets worse before he gets better yk. Obviously I'm not a professional and this is for entertainment so while I have done my research pls take this with a grain of salt!! or several!! /lh

!! contains some spoilers for season 1 of hsmtmts, and previous chapters of this fic !!

wc: 9.6k

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, not really fluff but a lot of high highs and a lot of low lows

pairing: ricky bowen x (afab she/her) reader

warnings: miss jenn is a legend icon queen slay goddess (cited two times), iconic interactions between the cast, jealous ricky being a cutie, ricky and EJ are not bros yet, nini has gone from messy to borderline evil, your mom is a legend, kourtney anxiety foreshadowing, opening night/theatre vibes so strong it made me tear up a little /hj, lynne bowen is a horrible horrible toxic person!!!, todd jumpscare, ricky has a mental breakdown, EJ is trying his best but horribly misreads the situation, ricky is in a crisis, ricky bpd episode, art to cope :'), ricky has a good support system, reader is good in a crisis, nini is REALLY testing your patience, gina gets a well deserved moment to shine, terrible theatre etiquette, ricky gets emotionally ambushed, mike is a good dad, nini gets yelled at by reader (slay), reader yells at lynne (slay), reader gets slapped (in a dramatic way not a violent or sexy way), reader gets called a slut as an insult, ricky defends you, messy necessary screaming match (slay), things are said that cannot be unsaid :/

summary: opening night is just as magical and incredible as ricky hoped it would be, just as wonderful as you made it sound - until the worst case scenario comes to fruition. but the show must go on, right?

song recs: something about this night - finding neverland obc, twenty million people - my favorite year obc, opening up - waitress obc, twinkle in her eye - leann rimes, window seat - amelie obc, this is how I disappear (instrumental) - my chemical romance, un organo suona - ennio morricone, the music and the mirror - a chorus line obc, holding onto you - twenty one pilots, you oughta know - jagged little pill obc

other media: "art is not a luxury, it's sustinance" - ethan hawke ted talk clip, "and the way he sings sends a chill right through me" - lullaby for the taken lyric by kimya dawson, "what a mother does for you out of obligation vs what a mother does for you because she wants to" - text post/poem by tumblr user vympr,

a/n: fangz to cici for reading!!! I felt like my immortal chapter 6 "paragraph" 4 while writing the last part trying not to under or overuse dialog tags lmao. remember when I said it's gonna get messy? it gets worse :)

tags @yesv01 @hopefullhearts @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @afidiofobia @aliyahsutherland @pikzel @demirunner @brinaslittlefreak @girlfriendwhoseawitch @matiere-detoiles @ifilwtmfc @uselesssapphickitten @nxstalgicnxbxdy @ggclarissa @n-slayaaaaa @stormi-ames @rainforest-daisies @sunshineangel-reads

You and Ricky had been planning to get to the El Rey early on opening night since tech week, to make sure you have plenty of extra time to get ready, warm up, and get in character. Plus, you’ve been telling him how much you’ve missed just being in theaters, and near stages. The more time you’re there, the better. When you’re on the way over Ricky couldn’t shake the excitement gripping him. You can’t seem shake the feeling something was going to go wrong.

It was different from nerves, different from anxiety or worries that everyone can get before a big event. It was the same small, nudging feeling you got the night the basement flooded during your run in Matilda. It’s not as bad as it had been that time, but you take in a breath, steadying yourself and knowing you should be ready for anything. When you do, the feeling is quickly overshadowed by your excitement. You haven’t acted in far too long, and you’re ecstatic that you’ll get to perform again soon. 

Once you get to the theater, you and Ricky are the first to sign the sign in sheet. You draw a little smiley face next to his name, and when he glances back at you, eyes falling on the paper. He smiles, struck by sudden joy at the little face. He leans back over and grabs a pen, drawing a smiley next to your name on the line below. Miss Jenn glances down when he returns the pen. 

“Oh!” she exclaims, seeing the little faces, “How cute. I love this energy we’re creating.” she gestures vaguely before shooing you off to your respective dressing rooms to get ready. 

Soon everyone’s there, and you’re once again wrapped up in the familiar hustle and bustle of show nights. You and your castmates are simultaneously getting in costume, warming up, and trying to get ready while helping each other’s hair and makeup. Ashlyn and Nini join you in an impromptu karaoke session, singing your hearts out to Bop to the Top while Nina riffs and harmonizes. The boys, one or two rooms away, start singing Getcha Head in the Game at the same time. In spite of the chaotic cacophony of voices, it's both a good way to warm up, and a good outlet for the nervous energy growing, bouncing from one person to the next, turning electric. 

Kourney enters suddenly, grabbing some bobby pins.

"Do you know if you have any safety pins?" She asks.

"Uh," you pause doing your hair, tying it up into a bouncy low half updo, and fumble through your bag, "how many do you need?" 

"Two or three?" She says hopefully. No matter how many you buy, bobby pins and safety pins always seem to be in short supply at every theater you've been to. You dig around for a minute before finding them, handing them to Kourtney.

"Thank you!" She declares, "Seb's shirt just completely-"

"Has anyone seen my glasses?" Ashlyn asks, and Kourtney pauses, noticing she's not wearing them. 

"Shit," Kourtney mutters, both of you looking around for them.

"Knock knock!" Comes Seb’s voice from behind the door.

"Decent!" You and Ashlyn reply in unison. Seb enters, holding the side of his shirt together with his hands. 

"Any luck?" He asks Kourtney. 

"Right here," she replies, holding up the safety pins. "Turn around." Nina puts in her headphones and starts doing some vocal exercises and scales to warm up a little more. Seb lifts up his jacket so Kourtney can pin the ripped seam back together.

"Oh," she remembers, "have you seen Ashlyn’s glasses?"

"The really big ones?" He asks.

"Yeah."

"Nope." He shrugs. She turns to Ashlyn. 

"We'll find them." Kourtney reassures her. Seb heads back to his dressing room he shares with Ricky and EJ, and you move on to the last few steps of your makeup routine. 

"Where are they?" Ashlyn huffs rhetorically. Natalie pokes her head in a moment later. 

"40 minutes till show time!"

"Thank you 40!" The three of you reply together. A little while later, you’re finally dressed and waiting for the glue on your eyelashes to get tacky, when you hear EJ call your name. You stumble out of your dressing room, zipping up your boot, and you’re greeted with EJ in his Chad costume, clearly in a huff. 

“Can you help me with my eyeliner?” he asks, a slightly petulant tone to his voice, handing you a black pencil. You laugh. 

“Yeah, hold on.” you go back into your dressing room, passing by Seb telling Kourtney something. You dig through your makeup bag as Seb reenters, Darbus glasses in hand, presenting them to Ashlyn. 

"Where were they?" She exclaims. 

"The prop table!" He says. 

"Why?" Ash asks, stating your thoughts exactly. 

"Natalie says they're technically a prop because in the detention scene when you…" you find what you're looking for, missing the tail end of his sentence as you leave a moment later with a stiff angled brush in hand. You grab EJ and lead him to the stairs where he can sit down. He does so, and you rub the bristles against the eyeliner, demonstrating for him. 

“This will make the application a lot more precise. Close your eyes…” you instruct, tilting his head back. You smudge the outside of his lash lines, careful not to make it look like too much. 

“Okay, now this is the scary part…” you trail off, gently lifting up his eyelid. “I swear I’m not going to stab you, just look down and don’t blink.” you instruct at the worried look on his face. You tight line the middle of his lash line for a defined, natural effect, then repeat the step on the other side. 

“Okay,” you say, pulling away to check that it looks even, unaware of Ricky standing a few feet away, watching you hold EJ’s face. You look so focused, and a twinge of jealousy flashes through his stomach, wishing you were holding his face, looking focused at him like that. 

“You should be good,” you say, and Ricky approaches, dragging you away as EJ thanks you.

“I just need to borrow her for a second.” he cuts EJ off, smiling tensely at him - one he returns. Ricky takes you a few feet away while EJ goes back into their dressing room. 

“What’s up?” you ask. He lets out a breathy laugh.

“I just… I can’t figure out this whole bronzer thing.” You bite back a smile. You know that  it’s bullshit, specifically because you went through his whole stage makeup routine with him twice last night. He could do his makeup and anyone else’s with one hand tied behind his back, so he obviously just wants your attention. You can’t deny that it’s really cute - and it’s working. He’s probably nervous, you figure. You chuckle, taking the brush from him. 

“Make a fish face,” you instruct, sucking in your cheeks and puckering your lips. His face mirrors yours, and you blend the product into his foundation. Your hand rests on his jaw, angling it this way and that until you’re satisfied with your work. He glances briefly back at the stairs, where EJ has long since left. Ricky’s about to look for any other excuse to keep you here for a few more minutes, your eyes light up, remembering something.

“Oh!” you exclaim, turning around, “Stay right here.” You’re back a moment later after digging through your bag past bobby pins, safety pins, your water bottle, script, sewing kit, extra makeup, makeup wipes, bandaids, and throat lozenges. You grab a small box, holding it triumphantly before running back out to Ricky in the hall. You stand in front of him, that glimmer in your eye. 

“I have a surprise.” Excitement swirls in his chest.

“What is it?” he asks, trying to suppress the anticipatory giggle bubbling up, his energy matching yours. You hand him the small box, and he looks at it, confused. He opens it slowly, pulling out a little charm. It’s a dog tag with the number 14, and a metallic T on a jump ring.

“Oh my god…” he breathes, looking at it closer. You’re beaming, so glad that he likes it. 

“You know,” you say softly, “something to remember your first show by. And your heart ring was looking kind of lonely.” You smile, pointing to the plastic ring he still wears around his neck, waiting until the last possible minute to take it off. You barely get the words out before he grabs your arms, pulling you close and kissing you. His lips are warm as they move against yours, and for a split second, you forget where you are, completely losing context for everything around you. 

“I love-” he murmurs against your mouth, freezing for an instant. Your hearts skip a beat in tandem, then he cuts himself off to kiss you again. “I love it.” he finishes. You smile against his lips, pulling away very reluctantly. He leans back in, pressing a few more kisses to your lips before you wiggle out of his grasp. 

“Ricky!” you laugh, “We’re gonna mess up our makeup. We can kiss after the show.” He runs his fingers up and down your arms, gazing at you as you talk. You have all his attention. 

“Okay,” he says in that light hearted, joking tone of his that always makes you laugh, “but I’m gonna hold you to that.” You laugh again, and he takes off his necklace so you can slip on the new charm. After getting it fixed on the chain, you reattach it to his neck. 

At the end of the hall where you’re standing, Nina lingers, watching Ricky touch you and kiss you like that. It makes her sick, and she finds herself holding back a gag. Her hours of research had turned into days, and she has your playbill.com page open on her phone at this very moment. She’s torn, reminiscing over how much she loved your performances and how obsessed with you she was as a kid, and simultaneously fuming over it. You’ve done all this professional work, you’ve acted on Broadway, and now you’re here at East High? 

She scoffs, shaking her head in disbelief. She wanted so badly to be you, to have your perfect life, and you threw it all away for what? To come do crappy high school theatre in a town that couldn’t be further from New York? She fights a laugh suddenly, realizing just how much dirt she has on you. There must be a reason you’ve been keeping this secret, lying to everyone, lying to Ricky. She shakes her head. She doesn’t know why yet, but she’s going to find out. 

35 minutes before curtain, Miss Jenn gathers everyone for circle time, and a cast meeting to boost morale before the show. Everyone is finally in costume and Kourtney follows Seb, makeup pallet in hand, adjusting the finishing touches to the glitter on his cheeks. You can feel the energy stirring and growing, electric between all of you. 

“Most of you know that our dazzling Taylor had to leave under family circumstances. Gina sends her love and support, but has left for the east coast and will not be able to make it to tonight’s performance.” Miss Jenn says. You and Ricky share a look, trying not to be too obvious. You got Gina a plane ticket together, and your mom is at the airport right now to pick her up. The last you heard from her, Gina’s flight was delayed. Now there’s only a slim chance she’ll get here in time. You silently keep your fingers crossed, praying to whatever theatre gods are out there that she’ll make it to the theater before it's too late. 

“And so,” Miss Jenn continues, “I have asked… Kourtney to fill in, in her place!”

The room erupts into cheers. Kourtney smiles, eyes on the floor bashfully. She’s praying she doesn’t seem as nervous as she feels. It’s not that she didn’t expect you guys to be supportive of her subbing in as Taylor, but seeing first hand how excited everyone is for her eases some of the worries that have been building up. 

“Now,” Miss Jenn continues, “everyone join hands.” After some heartfelt words of encouragement and other usual circle time warm ups, she claps her hands.

“Let’s go, wildcats! 20 minutes to curtain!”

Once again, the room erupts into cheers. 

“Now, if I can get my main characters and my ensemble members starting the show with a mic on stage for mic check?” she directs, pointing towards the way to the wings. You walk with everyone else towards the stage, pausing when you pass Miss Jenn. 

“Do you want me to help Kourtney get ready?” you ask. Her hair and makeup are done, she just has to get in costume, but you can sense that she needs a pep talk. 

“That would be fantastic,” she says with a look that indicates she thinks Kourtney could use a pep talk too, “thank you, Sharpay.” She pulls out her walkie to let Big Red know you and Kourtney are going to be released from mic check early to finish getting ready. After singing We’re All In This Together while Big Red adjusts your volume from the sound booth, Kourtney sings Bop to the Top, voice getting louder and quieter as Red tweaks the settings. Once you’ve both gotten the thumbs up, you scurry backstage to your dressing room, handing her costume pieces while she gets changed. 

“Oh, wait,” you say before she pulls on her top. You grab your setting spray you use for shows from your bag. “Close your eyes.” You mist her face with the product, fanning it dry so it doesn’t smudge. 

“Thanks,” she says. You take one look at her expression, and can tell she’s nervous.  

“You okay?” You ask. She hesitates, then sighs.

“I had two weeks to learn all my lines. I had two weeks to learn all the lines and the songs, I haven’t even gotten to rehearse on stage with you guys, and I’m just so worried I’m going to blow it, or choke in front of everyone…” she trails off. This is clearly the tip of the iceberg, and she fiddles with her bracelets, trying to get out some nervous energy. 

“There is no way you’re going to choke.” you say confidently, “You know this show inside and out! Plus, haven’t you been running lines with Nini the whole time?” you ask.

“Yeah,” she replies, listening carefully, trying to grab onto your reassurance.

“Almost all of Taylor’s scenes are with Gabriella.” You state. Her expression changes as she realizes you’re right. She knows this part better than she was giving herself credit for. 

“Plus there will be scripts in the wings if you need to refresh between scenes.” 

“Yeah,” she says again, more confident this time. “I know my lines, I know the songs, I know the dances - mostly, at least - so it’s all going to be fine! Even if the choreography in Stick to the Status Quo is still totally terrifying, and I have no idea how to dance with a lunch tray or do a death wack, it’s going to be fine!” Her laughter turned from relieved to slightly panicked again. 

“You think you’re nervous for Stick to the Status Quo?” you ask rhetorically, a comedic note to your voice, “I have to get caked in the face!” You exclaim with a chuckle. You’ve only practiced with an actual cake once, during the last tech rehearsal, and it was messy, to say the least. Literally and figuratively. 

Kourtney laughs, remembering the whipped cream that got everywhere, how loud you were yelling in character before storming off. It took more makeup wipes than you'd expected to get the sticky sugar off your face. 

“We’ll get through it together.” You state, holding out your hand. She squeezes it, reassuringly.

“Yeah. We will.” 

“Five minutes to places!” Natalie calls, poking her head in. 

“Thank you five!” you both reply. You check your phone one last time, the new text from your mom stating that she’s still at the airport, waiting for Gina’s flight. You text Ricky the same thing, letting him know you’re all still waiting for more updates on the delay. The good news is that your mom’s friend from work - who was planning on coming to see the show anyway - is going to stream the show to your mom until she can get there, that way she won’t miss anything. 

It doesn’t feel like five minutes has gone by when Natalie is calling for places, ushering everybody into the wings and into their starting places and positions. Hushed whispers of encouragement and break a leg spread through the wings, and everyone falls silent as Miss Jenn begins her curtain speech. It’s unusual for a group of such high energy people to be so still, so quiet, and you soak up every moment of it. This is your favorite part - or one of them, at least; it's those few fleeting minutes when everyone’s backstage in the wings, the opening of the show is seconds away and hurdling closer and closer with every breath, every heartbeat. This is one of those magical, transformative, fleeting times that can only really be described as in between. 

You never knew just how much you would miss this, the distinct and irreplaceable energy, the feeling of being in a theater. Tears spring to your eyes as it really hits you that you’re home, back where you’ve always needed to be. You close your eyes, taking deep, measured breaths to focus, to get into that headspace of being in character. Even with your eyes closed, you can feel it around you; the rich wood and cement mixing into different sections of the floor, the heavy curtains, the grid and catwalk and lights, all intangibly high and far away. It’s beautiful. It’s so beautiful that you don’t know how your body is supposed to contain it. You know now that you could never leave, not really. Theatre will always be your home, and you know this feeling will only solidify more and more with time. You realize, too, that it’s a home that will always grow and change and evolve with you, because that’s in its eternal, fleeting nature. That’s the most beautiful part, you think.

You squeeze Seb’s hand in excitement and encouragement and every other good thing, a gesture that he returns. In spite of the silence and the stillness, you know that everyone is just as excited as you are. Ricky’s in the opposite wing, or else you’d be squeezing his hand right now too right now. You use this moment, this stillness that's growing and getting more charged with energy every second, to become laser focused on giving this performance everything you've got - on really getting your head in the game. 

Nini looks around, then over at Ricky - again. He’s been avoiding her this whole night, and she can’t stand it. She leans closer. 

“I need to talk to you. After the show.” someone shushes her, and she lowers her voice, continuing. “She’s been lying to you about everything. You don’t know everything about her, Ricky.” 

“Yes, I-” he cuts himself off, not wanting to feed into this. Not now. “I have to get into character.” He says, moving away from her. He tries to focus on the energy the cast is creating around him, on becoming Troy. He takes a breath, centering himself. 

“Without further ado, I am proud to present… East High’s High School Musical: the Musical!” Miss Jenn’s voice is drowned out by applause, and the music begins. 

The first few songs and scenes go smoothly; everyone is on time and remembering their cues, and the audience couldn’t be more engaged, applauding and laughing right when you want them to. During Jack Scott’s announcements after Darbus reveals what the winter musical is going to be, you leave to get ready for What I’ve Been Looking For. You pass by Ricky, who’s quick changing for Get’cha Head in the Game, and shoot him a big thumbs up.

“Great job!” you whisper enthusiastically, stomping your feet quietly in excitement.

“Thanks,” he smiles, beaming as he pulls on his jersey. He watches you scurry down the hall before getting nudged toward the stage right before his cue. He shakes his head, wondering why he let Nini get him so worked up before. Of course he knows you. He knows everything about you! There’s absolutely nothing on earth you could tell him that would throw him off, or scare him away from you. She’s probably just making something up to get in his head, to drive a wedge between you. That seems like something she would do lately.

“Let’s see some hustle! Move, move, move!” Coach Bolton calls from onstage, and Ricky jogs over to him, as ready as he'll ever be.

“Sorry I’m late, coach.”

As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, as much as he’s trying to stay in character and stay focused on the scene, Nini’s words are still echoing in the back of his mind, throwing him off a little. He catches his dad’s eye in the crowd as the music starts. He doesn’t think he’s ever looked this proud, and it steadies Ricky. He takes in a breath, and begins to sing. Part way through the song, he notices a woman in the crowd who looks weirdly like his mom. He doesn’t miss a beat, making sure to look in his dad’s direction instead. That’s weird, he thinks, but it can’t be her. There’s no way she’d come all the way from Chicago for something like this. Just like what Nini said to him before the show, he won’t let that distract him from performing, and tries not to let that throw him off.

During the dance break, he gets hooked up to his harness, and his stomach erupts into excited butterflies as he slowly moves up. There’s a collective gasp from the crowd that turns into cheers as he hovers in front of the hoop, ball in hand. Up here, he’s not blinded by the stage lights, and he looks down at the crowd, able to see his dad’s face even better than before. He’s filled with such euphoria, he knows you’re right - nothing can beat this feeling. He feels more alive, more awake than he ever has, simultaneously enveloped by a deep sense of peace, of rightness that he doesn’t want to let go of. 

On the other side of the auditorium, someone moves, catching his eye. Some guy is making his way into his seat, presumably because he showed up late. He leans over to his date, kissing her and touching her leg. Nothing could have prepared Ricky for what he saw when he pulled away. Past the blinding stage lights, his stomach plummets back down to earth as he’s able to make out more faces in the audience - including hers. She’s here. She’s really here, and she brought that douchebag with her. She’s whispering something in that bastard’s ear, barely five rows away from his dad. They’re all over each other, talking close and kissing and smiling. 

It’s only when she points up at him that he snaps out of it. He realizes the pit has been waitin for his cue a beat or two longer than usual, and follows up quickly with it. He had dropped his basketball when he was up there, and he’s scrambling to make it through the rest of the number. He tries desperately to get back into character, to focus on the lyrics and choreography, to focus on the music instead of what he just saw in front of him, but he can’t shake what just happened, what he just saw. Even as he’s being pulled backstage to change into the costume for his next scene, it takes all his effort not to let that overwhelm him. He can’t crumble right now, not like this. There’s a whole cast and crew, all his friends, that are counting on him. He gets some water, tries to pull himself together. 

EJ looks for Ricky backstage, having a few minutes before their next scene. Even he has to admit he was impressed with Ricky’s performance back there. He looked so conflicted, so torn between basketball and singing. He even managed to make his distracted blocking and choreography look so organic EJ was worried he’d messed up for a second. He’s been giving him a hard time, butting heads on and off stage, but Ricky is really shining tonight. He’s committed, and EJ has to commend him for that. 

“Ricky,” he says, just loudly enough to get his attention. Ricky turns around. “I have to hand it to you; you’re doing great out there, man. You deserve all the applause you’re getting.” 

Ricky takes a breath, closing his water bottle.

“Thanks.” 

He stares into space to the ceiling on EJ’s right, gripping his water bottle until his knuckles have a white cast to them. EJ’s brow furrows. He actually seems a little out of it. 

“Are you okay?” he asks carefully. They’re not really close like that, but even EJ can see that he seems a little off. 

“I’m fine,” he says a little too fast. “I am totally fine. Because it’s opening night, and nothing’s going to ruin this.” 

Suddenly it makes sense. He knows exactly what Ricky’s going through. He sighs. 

“Look, everybody gets stage fright. Just take a deep breath, and use the music and your lines to stay grounded.” He claps Ricky on the shoulder supportively.

“Thanks,” he chokes out again. EJ leaves to fix his mic tape, and Ricky is once again exactly where he doesn’t want to be - alone with his thoughts. Even though EJ has no idea of the scope of issues Ricky’s dealing with right now, his advice might still work. Instead of waiting in his dressing room, he hovers in the wings, going over the chemistry class scene as it happens, waiting for the lights to go down so he can talk to you, or at least be near you. He’s so tempted to barge onstage and drag you away with him. Instead he listens closely to your dialog with Gabriella. Just hearing your voice is enough for him to hold on to for now.

The lights go down, and you exit into the wings. You’re surprised to find Ricky there - he usually comes up about half way through Jack Scott’s narration. One look at his face and you know something’s wrong. Before you can ask, he’s pulling you into a less busy area by the prop table. 

“She’s here.” He grips your arm, hand shaking. He doesn’t need to say anything else, you already have a full grasp on the gravity of the situation, the effect this is having on him. 

“Here?” you ask, needing to clarify, and he nods. “Are you okay?” you ask sincerely.

“I’m…” he struggles for an answer, “trying to be.” You take his hands in yours so gently he doesn’t even notice until your thumbs are stroking his skin reassuringly.

“Okay,” you say calmly, and he can see the gears turning, see you figuring out the perfect solution as you speak. “Why don’t you have some water, stay right here, and I’ll go get Miss Jenn, okay?” 

He nods, and you move quickly to Natalie, asking her if she knows where Miss Jenn is. She picks up her walkie talkie, asking Miss Jenn to come to the stage right wing. Jack’s narration scene wraps up and the crew changes the set to Darbus’s detention. You have seconds before you have to get out there, and you turn to Ricky, worried about him. 

“Are you going to be okay?” you ask in a hushed whisper. 

“Yeah.” he says, “I think so.” 

You see Miss Jenn walking toward the stage right wing as you’re about to head onstage.

“We’ll talk to her right after.” you tell him in a hushed, reassuring whisper. You give his hand one more squeeze before you find your places in the dark. Moments later, the lights are up, and the scene begins. In all the time you’ve spent acting, you’ve gotten very good at staying in character, compartmentalizing thoughts and worries about your personal life while you’re onstage. You find it a little more difficult to keep the disgust at Lynne Bowen’s blatant lack of basic respect, or even awareness for the consequences of her actions, buried in the back of your mind as the scene plays out. 

Sitting on the wooden flooring of the stage, warm under the bright lights, Ricky does exactly what he’s supposed to do - he uses the scene and dialog to stay grounded. He follows the dialog while doing his stage business, listening for his cues just like Miss Jenn thought him to do. If he stays in character, he doesn’t have to think about any offstage drama. As long as he doesn’t look out to that section of seats, as long as he can keep his eyes from being magnetically drawn there, he’s going to be fine. He stays in character, stays right there as Troy, clinging to his character like a life raft. If he can be Troy, he doesn’t have to worry about everything he’s going to have to deal with as Ricky for just a few more minutes. It's desperate and fleeting, but it's the only thing he can do right now. 

Soon, the lights are down, and you’re hustling toward the stage right wing, where you know Miss Jenn is waiting. He finds your hand in the dark, the sparkly pink sequins on your outfit unmistakable even in the darkness. He holds onto you desperately, until you’re both standing in front of Miss Jenn. She knows from one look that whatever is going on, it’s bad. 

“Um," Ricky starts, swallowing hard, "my mom is here…” he hates that his voice is already trembling so soon. It sounds more like a question than a statement, and his stomach twists at how foreign the word now feels in his mouth. My mom. The last time he called her that had been months ago when he told you and Miss Jenn what had happened. Ever since he’s only referred to her through pronouns and as briefly as possible, trying to disconnect the person she is from who she was supposed to be. Who he thought she was. The closest he’s gotten to addressing her has been vague statements; she didn’t call back, or I think that was her recipe, let’s find a different one. Actually saying it, actually calling her that makes his jaw feel stiff. 

“My god.” Miss Jenn says softly, unable to believe that she could have the audacity to show up unannounced after what she put Ricky through. Ricky hesitates, and she knows there’s more. She nods, waiting for him to continue. 

“And she, uh,” he swallows thickly, hating his throat for tightening up so much when he has to sing in a few minutes, “she brought her boyfriend…” Your eyes widen and Miss Jenn gasps. 

“They’re in the sixth row, they keep talking and kissing, and-” he cuts himself off, unable to continue. His hands are balled up, tight and shaking. 

“Okay. Ricky, sweetie, why don’t we talk about this somewhere a little more private.” You both guide him to the boys’ dressing room, and after making sure no one’s in there, she sits down facing him, and takes his hands in hers. 

“From the beginning, what happened?” 

He was barely able to get it out the first time, but now he can’t stop. Everything he’s been trying so hard to ignore and shove down for the last 20 minutes - and it’s felt way longer than 20 minutes - comes tumbling out. He doesn't think he could stop talking if he tried. He doesn’t even realize how loud he’s getting until Miss Jenn gently shushes him. 

“We don’t want the audience to hear us.” he nods, taking a breath for the first time since he started talking. You left a minute ago to check on how much time you have before the next scene, and reenter the dressing room now, looking stressed. 

“They’re almost done with Auditions.” you state. You need to go up there now, you and Seb have What I’ve Been Looking For soon, and you don’t want to miss your cue. 

“Go,” she says. Ricky nods, so you do, knowing that Miss Jenn has this under control, that she can help Ricky right now. Your footsteps recede, and Ricky turns back to Miss Jenn. 

“Ricky,” she starts calmly, “what she did was wildly inappropriate.” He already feels a little better, less crazy, and he waits for her to continue. 

“Showing up unannounced with a…" she chooses her words carefully, "date, was… probably the worst thing that could have happened tonight.” 

“Yeah,” he scoffs in agreement. She continues.

“You have every right to be as upset as you are. Whatever you need right now, just tell me, okay?” He nods. “I think what we should do is get your dad, and let him know what’s going on. I can try to have one of the ushers escort her out, but I’m sure the last thing you want tonight is even more drama.” 

“Got that right,” he breathes, relieved. 

“I’m going to talk to EJ and see if he can go on as Troy-” 

“What? No.” he protests. 

“Ricky-” 

“No, Miss Jenn- I have to play Troy. Please, I have to!” 

“It might be best for you-” 

He stands up suddenly. “What’s best for me is going out there; acting and singing, like we rehearsed -  like I’m supposed to! Please, you can’t…” 

“Okay,” she says, standing up and trying to calm him down a little. “Okay. If you think you can do it, you can go back out there.” 

He relaxes a little. 

“Thank you.” his voice breaks as he speaks, and she realizes how badly he needs this right now.

“Why don’t we revisit this at intermission, see how you’re feeling then? Just to check up on you.” she adds quickly. 

“Okay.” he agrees. She puts a hand on his arm. 

“I’m going to let EJ know to get ready, just in case you change your mind. We’ve got to be ready for anything, right?” She smiles gently, one he tries to return. 

“Right,” he says. A stagehand pokes his head into the room.

“Troy, we need you.”

“Be right there,” Miss Jenn says. She claps her hand over Ricky’s one more time. “Okay, Ricky, here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to go out there and sing a ballad with Gabriella that will make the audience swoon,” he smiles, “and I am going to do my best to get this situation resolved as quickly and discreetly as possible. If anything else happens, or you need anything, come tell me right away.”

“Okay.” he says, this time, with a note of determination in his voice. Miss Jenn pats him on the back, sending him off. He runs through the halls, making it just in time. Once he’s in the wings, she pulls out her phone to text Mike, and fill him in on everything that’s going on. He enters on Gabriella’s cue, and Miss Jenn pauses, watching him deliver his lines. All the distress, all the pain melts away as he steps into character.

It’s giving him a break from everything, she thinks, it has been the whole time. Theatre isn’t just a luxury or a passion for some people, it’s a means of survival. It hits her all at once, that in staying here, in facing the challenges and struggles that came from directing this show, she’s helping Ricky through one of the hardest things he’ll ever go through. She’s become the person she needed when she was his age; with only one parent, feeling completely lost at sea. Her chest squeezes, and she watches them sing, their voices sending a chill through her. 

Backstage, in the few dark moments of the set change for Cellular Fusion, Nina somehow manages to corner you. 

“What did you do to him?” she demands, and you know she’s referring to Ricky, who exited to the other wing. You stare at her, aghast. You lean in close, lowering your voice, desperately holding on to your professionalism. 

“We have to go onstage, literally right now. I am not doing this with you right now.” 

“Huh,” she scoffs with a fake smile, “you’re one to talk.” You have approximately two seconds to look at her, baffled by everything she’s saying, before you have to go on. You enter, and hit your mark. At the cue, you and Seb begin to harmonize. Right as you do, your phone - tucked away in the wings - silently begins to buzz. Your phone lights up with a text from your mom, informing you that Gina’s flight has finally landed, and they’ll be at the theater any minute. 

You run off stage as Cellular Fusion wraps up, and Miss Jenn and Carlos are trying to figure out what to do about the Taylor dance break coming up. Kourtney has been doing great so far, but she doesn’t think she can handle choreography that complicated with so little time to rehearse.

“I could tell the pit to cut that section…” Carlos offers. You check your phone and your eyes light up, looking at the doorway. 

“Uh,” you start with a smile, “I don’t think that will be an issue…”

Miss Jenn, Carlos, and Kourtney look over at Gina, smiling timidly. 

“Oh, thank god,” Miss Jenn chokes out. She turns to Kourtney, then Gina. “You, go out there before you miss your cue. And you, quick change into something more 2006 before the dance break.”

They both agree, and a stagehand runs over with something for Gina to change into, guiding her to the dressing rooms. 

“Is he doing any better?” you ask Miss Jenn before you go on. You don’t have much time, but you need to know if he’s okay.

“A little,” she says, “I think.” You both know it’s better than nothing, and you’re just hoping whatever he’s doing keeps working. 

Stick to the Status Quo couldn’t be going any better. There’s so much happening, so much organized chaos, that he forgets about everything for a few wonderful minutes. There’s no time to think about that when he’s dancing on tables, begging his classmates not to sacrifice their individuality so they can fit in. It only gets better when you and Seb enter toward the end of the number. You look so genuinely pissed off that people are breaking free from the boxes they’ve been put in, and your voices sound perfect harmonizing together, reverberating through the auditorium.

He tries in vain to stop Zeke from giving you a cake, watching with bated breath as it smashes into your face. He turns away, just like he’s supposed to, but his eyes accidentally land on the one place in the audience he shouldn't be looking at.  His stomach plummets. Has she been on her phone this whole time? After running from everything this whole night, it finally gets the best of him. He can’t stand it any longer, running into the wings as you let out an ear shattering scream, loud enough to finally make her look up.

“Someone… is going… to pay for this!” you yell furiously, before the lights go down. The curtain draws to a close as applause thunders through the building. The lights in the house go up for intermission, and you hear a slow rise of chatter as people mill about and make conversation as you exit the stage. You grab a makeup wipe a stagehand has ready, thanking them as Natalie calls out that intermission is starting, and you have 20 minutes to places for act two.

“Thank you 20,” you call out distractedly, searching for Ricky. You run to the back, wiping the rest of the whipped cream off your face, and check the boys dressing room to see if he’s in there. He is, sitting in there by himself, seeming worse than before. One look at his face and you know something else happened.

“She was on her fucking phone the whole time!” he states in disbelief, “Like…” The words dry up as he holds a pillow in his lap in a death grip. 

“Oh my god…” you say, shaking your head. He’s not doing good, clearly. No one would be in his position. He pulls you in for a hug as soon as you’re close enough, one you reciprocate. He holds onto you tight, feeling just a little more stable as soon as you’re in his arms. Surrounded by your familiar grasp, it’s just a little easier to breathe, to think clearly. Unfortunately, it also means he has a much clearer grasp on everything that’s happened tonight and how it’s affecting him, how he feels about it. His dad is right behind you, and he lets go of you long enough to stand up and greet him. His dad pulls him into a hug, patting his back. 

“I’m so sorry, kid. I had no idea she was going to pull something like this.” Mike’s voice wavers, and when Ricky doesn’t answer, you know it’s because he’s choked up. Miss Jenn enters a moment later, walking over to Ricky and Mike. 

“The both of them have been removed from the premises.” She states. 

“Thank you,” Mike says earnestly. 

“Oh, it was nothing a little faked parking violation couldn't take care of,"  she says, earning a small smile from Mike. She turns to Ricky, continuing. “I filled you dad in on what’s been going on, too.” 

“Maybe we should just go home,” Mike offers, knowing he probably won’t want to. 

“No,” he protests, “I can do act two, I want to. Plus, if we leave now, she’ll know where we are and she’s going to ambush us again, and-” 

“The one place you’re guaranteed not to run into her is here at the theater.” you finish quietly. 

“Yeah,” Ricky agrees, motioning to you. Mike considers, weighing his options. Since she’s gone, if Ricky thinks he can handle it, he doesn’t see why he can’t do the second half of the show - especially since he seems to want to so badly. Maybe now isn’t the time to take that away from him, even if he means well.

“Okay,” he sighs. “But if anything happens, if you change your mind at all-”

“You’re the first to know.” Ricky agrees quickly. 

“I want you to stay plugged in with me, okay?” Mike says, putting a hand on his shoulder, “Text me when you’re not onstage, let me know how you’re doing.” Ricky agrees again. Miss Jenn looks between them. 

“Alright. Well, in that case, Ricky, you should get changed for act two.” She says with a tentative smile. He nods. 

“Thank you. Thank you guys.” he says sincerely to his dad and Miss Jenn. Before you leave, you catch his eye.

“I’m going to refill my water, then I’ll be back here, okay?” 

“Sounds good." He says, "Hurry back,” he adds quickly, giving you that sweet look with those big puppy dog eyes, and it makes your chest squeeze. 

“Absolutely.” you agree. 

You barely leave the dressing room before you're met with Nina. She barges forward and stands in front of you, arms crossed, and you realize she's waiting for you to move out of the way so she can get into the boys' dressing room. You don't budge. 

“I need to talk to Ricky. I heard what happened, and I'm the only one who can convince him to go on for the second act, and I don’t need you-” 

“Wow,” you begin, cutting her off, once again amazed at her audacity, “now is really not a good time. Don’t go in there and stir things up.”  

She looks you up and down, letting out an indignant scoff. 

“Don’t act like you know him like that. I’ve known him since we were in kindergarten, I know him better than anyone.” 

You take in a deep breath, trying so hard to stay patient. 

“Sure. You know him better than anyone.” you say, in a pacifying tone, “So you should know the last thing he needs is more pressure on him when he’s in the middle of a family crisis, right?” The question is rhetorical, and you continue, patience with her finally starting to run thin. “If you actually care about him, then for the sake of his well being you’ll leave him alone and let him get through this. Now is really not the time, Nina, read the goddamn room!” 

The sentence is finished with an aggravated, humorless laugh. Your priorities right now are Ricky, and getting through opening night. You need to help him process some of the shit that's been happening tonight, make sure he’s okay, so he can perform like he wants to. The last thing he needs is Nina barging in there and telling him he’s letting the cast down, or that he’s not serious about theatre, and that he should have quit after auditions - all of which you’ve heard more times than you can count over the duration of rehearsals, even up to a few days ago. 

You’ve tried so hard to be patient with her, but dear god, she’s really starting to get on your last nerve - nevermind the fact that you have a special type of hatred for the kind of people like Nina, who shit on people that are still learning about something they have more experience in; like telling someone they’re not serious about theatre because it’s their first show, for example.

“Do not fuck with him right now.” you state, rolling your eyes at her shocked expression.

You push past her, walking over to the water fountain. She watches you walk away, mouth hanging open, and lets out an indignant scoff. You swear to god, if one more thing goes wrong tonight, if one more person tries you, you’re going to absolutely lose it. You take a few deep breaths as you fill up your bottle, trying to calm down and center yourself a little. Once you’re done, you start to walk back to the dressing rooms, but you’re stopped by a woman who is definitely not cast or crew. She sees you and approaches, seeming a little pissy. 

“I’m looking for Ricky Bowen?” she states. As she speaks, your stomach drops. 

You recognize her voice from when you heard it on the phone, and from the voicemail Ricky showed you over Thanksgiving. This is Lynne Bowen. As in, the Lynne Bowen. The one that left.  The same woman who’s made such a tactless and selfish decisions over and over that have ultimately caused her son to be on the verge of a breakdown just down the hall from where you’re standing right now. 

“You are not supposed to be back here.” you state, desperately trying to figure out how to handle this. You pull out your phone and text Miss Jenn, ‘code red, really need backup’.

“Can you just tell me where Ricky Bowen is? I’m his mother.” she says it in a way immediately expects sympathy from you, sympathy she doesn’t receive. You stare at her blankly, and she continues, much less kind than she’d been pretending to be. “I need to see my son, okay? Maybe when you’re a mother someday you’ll understand-”

You’re not sure what about her, about the way she’s talking to you specifically is the last straw for you, but your patience is already running so thin it’s practically transparent. Against your better judgment, you cut her off. 

“He does not want to see you. He doesn’t want to speak to you - or be anywhere near you right now, for the record - and you need to fucking respect that, okay?” you say decisively, offense written all over her face, “And you are really not allowed to be backstage if you’re not cast or crew, which you’re clearly not-” 

“You are way out of line, young lady!” she yells, “I don’t care if he doesn’t want to talk. I’ll talk to him if I want to; I’m his mother.”  She adjusts her purse, clearly expecting you to fold, to tell her where he is. You know you should keep your mouth shut, you know you should be diplomatic and patient and professional like you always are, you should wait for Miss Jenn to handle this, but you’ve spent the past three months watching Ricky suffer because of this woman and her choices. You can’t stay quiet when the woman who hurt him is right in front of you. 

“I think you lost the right to pull that shit when you walked out the door and chose not to be in his life!” you snap, a dangerous smile on your face. The stunned look on her face is better than anything you’ve ever seen. It’s clear no one has ever tried to take her down a peg until now. 

“How dare-” 

“You gave him a free pass to hate you forever, because you’re not the parent who stayed! You didn’t try-” 

Your words lose momentum as you find yourself suddenly looking at the wall to your right, your cheek stinging. The sound of her slapping you across the face echos across the walls for a moment before fading away, and you freeze, tears prickling the corners of your eyes from shock.

“Listen here you little slut,” she says, much more ferocious than before. All facades of a concerned mother have melted away. “You have no right to talk to me like that-” 

“What the fuck?!” 

You snap out of it, and she turns around at Ricky’s voice at the end of the hall.

“Ricky, my baby,” she starts, walking toward him, but she’s thrown off at how distant he seems toward her. “I’m sorry you had to see that, this girl is so-” 

“Don’t ever talk about her like that again.” His voice is stone cold as he brushes past her, analyzing your expression closely to see if you’re alright. 

“Are you okay?” he asks, voice shaky.

“I’m fine,” you say as calmly as possible, “are you okay?” 

He’s decidedly not, but he tries to pull himself together. 

“If you are, that’s all that matters.” Behind him, growing impatient, Lynne takes a step forward.

“Ricky,” she demands. He takes a breath, and leans closer to you. 

“You should change for act two.” You look between them, wishing there was something else you could do, some way that you could make this better. You agree, stopping before you leave for your dressing room. 

“Text me if you need anything.” you say seriously, and he agrees, understanding the subtext of your words. Text you if he needs backup, or if it gets to be too much, because you’re there for him. Lynne moves toward him again. 

“Can we talk?” she says with a domineering tone to her voice, and you both know it’s not a question. You want to object, but all he wants is to get her away from you. He nods, indicating you should go, and you do - albeit, very reluctantly. He turns back to her. 

“Yeah,” he says seriously, “I think we need to.” 

She grabs his arm to lead him down another stretch of hallway, but he shakes her off immediately, walking a few feet in front of her. 

“Ricky, are you alright?” she demands, once they’re relatively out of earshot. She crosses her arms. “I was so worried about you when you ran offstage like that.” 

“I’m surprised you noticed.” he murmurs. She either ignores him or doesn’t hear. Regardless, she continues. 

“Why did you leave? Is it stage fright? Because a lot of people are counting on you, honey. You made a commitment to this-” 

“You’re one to talk about commitment,” he mutters, voice low, but loud enough to be heard. His impulse control is not at all where it should be, especially with how she just talked to you, what she called you.

“I’m sorry?” Lynne demands. She’s not used to Ricky yelling at her. She’s always had a lot of influence over him. He used to do everything she said, he’s always been such a mama’s boy until now. 

“I mean, do you ever think about anyone besides yourself?” he snaps, “Did you even care that you ruined the only thing I’ve been able to count on in my life- I can never get this night back, Lynne. And now…” he trails off, trying so hard to regulate his emotions, even though he knows he’s out of control. He takes a shaky breath, trying with everything he has inside him to reign it back in a little. 

“...Why would you bring him to the show?” 

Lynne looks stunned at his question. 

“Wh-” she starts, “This is about Todd?”

“Why would you bring him here?” He demands, repeating himself.

“I…” she struggles for an answer, “wanted him to meet you.” she infuses as much guilt into her words as she can. He should feel bad for the way he’s speaking to her. “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to throw you off.” 

It doesn’t work this time, and he refuses to back down, to fawn for her. He doesn’t buy it for a second.

“So you waited until I was suspended, mid air over a basketball hoop, for me to see you all… cozied up together? You didn’t think - not for one second - that might be just a little upsetting to me?!” 

“Ricky-”

“And what about dad, huh? How do you think he feels watching you feel each other up right in front of him?” tears brim in the corners of his eyes as everything he’s been suppressing all night, all these weeks and months finally breaks the surface. She lets out an indignant scoff and tries to say something, but he ignores her and keeps going. It’s an avalanche now, and he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to. 

“He didn’t leave the couch for a week after you left!” he roars, remembering how hard it was to see his dad like that, to have to be the one to drag him out of it. 

“...I didn’t know that-”

“How could you?!” he laughs bitterly, "You weren't there!" He screams. He doesn't think it's ever felt better to say something than it does now. "You weren't there the whole time I was rehearsing, you weren't the one running lines and going over blocking, and teaching me how to listen for cues and do stage makeup and quick change! You weren't there for any of the work that went into this, and you just waltz in here with the newest guy you're screwing to your fucking son's musical like you've been here the whole time, but you havent!" He's never yelled at her like this, but a part of him thinks after how much she hurt him - and his dad - it's long overdue. "You don't get to enjoy this show, and you don't get to be around me, or dad, or anything we do because you walked out!"

"You are way out of line-" she starts, voice cracking. 

"No, you know what’s way out of line?" He demands, all too ready to throw her words back in her face. "Breaking my heart, breaking dad’s heart, then acting like everything is fine when it’s not!"

"You think I wanted to leave you?!" She screams back at him. 

"Yeah," he answers quickly, "I do, because you did! And you know what? I'm glad you left." He spits, watching the pain grow in her eyes, his words like venom. 

"All you do is hurt us." 

She blinks like she was just slapped. He takes a step forward, shaking, angry tears silently spilling from his eyes. When he speaks, his voice is low and dead serious. 

"Don't call me anymore."

Before she can say anything, he starts to walk away. She calls out to him, desperate to get the last word in, to make him know how much pain his words have caused her. 

"You are really hurting me, Ricky." She says, voice shaking as she cries, "you're breaking your mother's heart."

The sound of his mother crying like that because of something he said should have wrecked him, but he pushes away any last remaining scraps of guilt his rage hasn't burned away yet. He turns back to her, no love in his eyes, and laughs bitterly.

"Yeah, I guess it runs in the family. You know, the one thing I got from you is the ability to ruin any relationship I have, so thanks for that, mom." He spits, turning to leave. She takes a step forward. 

"Don’t you walk away from me-"

"Like mother like son, huh?" He barks. With that, he's gone. He doesn't stick around for any more of her manipulation or guilt tactics. He just really, really needs to see you right now.

[sassy-ahsoka-tano]

DADDY ISSUES - Part Four: Vegas

Character/Fandom: Elvis - Elvis (2022)

Prompt: Your new life is amazing, without Elvis. Well, at least until you get a mysterious package in the mail that's about to change your life. [ Fem!Reader ]

TW: a friend fight with some harsh words that were painful to write but i don't think anything else!

Rating: Pg-13 || Word Count: 5058

A/N: ahhh it's been AGES i know but i've been working hard so expect lots of updates!! i have several parts already queued. i'll be posting a chapter every tuesday + thursday until the fic is completed!

also just a reminder that there's a playlist if you're interested and i've put the link to the taglist below!

Song Rec: vegas - doja cat

This is Part 4 of Daddy Issues. Find the rest of the series here!

[ masterlist | taglist ]

🦋 mila

─────•~❉᯽❉~•─────

A year later, you find yourself living in a brand new apartment with Trixie, the girl whom you stood next to during the chaotic filming of the 68 Comeback Special. Apparently, her family is extremely well-off and has absolutely no issue sending her money without question. Although you’ve tried to assure Trixie about a thousand times that you don’t want nor need the money she continues to shovel into your pocket, she insists on supporting you. At first, it was easier to give in because you actually really did need the money, since you were unemployed with no prospects and a scant resume. But now, you’re just starting to feel selfish.

Fortunately, with Steve’s help you’ve managed to secure a job working at KNBC, California’s NBC television station. You might still just be a secretarial worker, but a job is a job. Surprisingly, you find yourself with an unprecedented amount of free time compared to what you had when you were constantly picking up night and weekend shifts every other week at the diner. Not to mention that you make a lot more, too. It’s nothing to brag about by any means, but far more than enough to get you back on your feet. Slowly but surely, your debts dwindle little by little every day.

So far, living with Trixie has been pure bliss. She’s incredibly sweet and very neat and tidy. She doesn’t leave her laundry on the floor, always takes the trash out, and is usually cheerful in the morning. Some days, she even meets you in the kitchen with a carafe of steaming hot coffee already brewed. She never brings home creepy guys who hang around past their welcome and she’s nothing but respectful of your space. She works similar hours to you as a designer at a fashion magazine conveniently located only a couple of blocks down the road from KNBC.

You honestly couldn’t have asked for a better situation and, for the first time in a very long time, you feel safe, happy, and healthy. Little do you know what’s to come when a surprise package shows up on your doorstep.

You’re in the bathroom, elbows deep in water and soap as you wash your face first thing in the morning. Trixie, the early morning bird she is, has been awake for several hours already and is in the kitchen making breakfast. With the bathroom door closed, you can hardly hear anything going on down the hall so it takes you a moment to process Trixie’s shout that you’ve received a delivery. Squinting your eyes to protect them from the soap sliding down your face, you turn toward the door and yell back.

“Who’s it from?”

A few seconds of silence pass before Trixie replies.

“Uh…Y/N, why are you getting a package from E…ley?”

You shake your head. You can barely hear her over the sound of the water and the closed door. Your fingers quickly scramble to turn off the faucet and you grasp for a towel to hurriedly dry your face before rushing out of the bathroom. Sticking your head around the corner, you glance at Trixie with furrowed eyebrows.

“What did you say?” you ask.

“The package,” she responds, holding it up, “it’s from Elvis Presley.”

“I…from who?”

“Can you hear me, honey? Elvis. Elvis Presley? Famous musician and actor? We're both huge fans? We were in the audience while he filmed his comeback special on NBC? Ringing any bells here?” Trixie gestures wildly, her eyes big and wide.

You shake your head and approach her, holding out your hands so she can pass the package along to you. As soon as it touches your fingers, you snatch it up and sit down on the couch in the living room. Sure enough, as you look at the address label on the package, there it is. Elvis Presley.

To be perfectly honest, you’ve all but forgotten about him. With everything going on in your life, you’ve been too busy to pay attention to celebrity gossip or keep track of the music charts. You also have to admit that you might have been more inclined to forget him after suffering the embarrassment of turning down his…offer.

Glancing up at Trixie, you see her biting the nail of her thumb anxiously, a big grin breaking through her face. You shake your head again and sigh a deep breath before your fingers start digging into the wrapping of the package. Once you’ve torn through the wrapping paper and flipped open the cardboard box, your fingers catch onto something soft and silky. Shooting a confused expression at Trixie, you pull out the object and stand to let it unfold. Your breath catches in your throat as it drops down into its full form. Trixie shares the expression, her gasp accompanying yours.

“Oh my god…” she says in awe.

You hold it up to your body and wander over to the floor-length mirror hanging in the entryway. As you press the fabric against your figure, your eyebrows raise. It’s almost the same blue color as your horrible dress from Chadney’s Restaurant, the one you’d been wearing when you officially met Elvis for the first time. Although the color is comparable, the quality is nowhere near the same. This dress is made of silk, softer than any fabric you’ve ever felt before, and definitely a major upgrade from the scratchy cotton of your old work uniform. The dress has a sweetheart neckline with a cut out of the side and a leg slit that rides higher than you’d normally be comfortable with. As you run your fingers over the seams, you feel a few hand-cut jewels. They look like diamonds, although your brain is incapable of believing that.

“Hey, there’s a note with it,” Trixie’s voice knocks you out of your disbelief and you turn toward her.

She hands it over to you and, as you unfold it, two long green strips of paper fall out. Trixie bends to pick them up and examines them as you read the handwritten script of the letter out loud, although the handwriting is atrociously difficult to decipher.

“Cinderella,” you pause and gulp as your brain flashes back to the moment when Elvis had first called you that. When he’d invited you into his dressing room after the special. When he’d pulled your panties from his robe pocket…

“Cinderella,” you clear your throat and continue, “I figured I oughta replace that blue dress you ruined on account of me. I hope you like this one better and that you find the rest of the contents of this package to your taste.”

You pause, your eyes wandering over toward the package which, apparently, has more to give. You reach for it, digging underneath the wrapping paper until your fingers curl onto something lacy. You pull it out and heat immediately floods your face and neck. Trixie’s hand flies onto her mouth as you both stare in silence at an expensive-looking lingerie set hanging from your fingertip. You immediately drop it back into the package and shiver.

“What does the rest of the letter say?” Trixie asks, leaning forward to glance at the note over your shoulder.

“Uh…replace that blue dress, blah, blah, blah…contents of this package…Don’t make me wait until midnight. And don’t forget who-”

You stop abruptly as your brain circles around the last few words of the letter.

“What?” Trixie asks, peering more intensely over your shoulder. “What does it say, Foxie? I can barely read his chicken scratch.”

Foxie is the nickname Trixie had started calling you. Until this point, you’ve never understood why. But as your eyes roam over the contents of the package Elvis sent you, you start to understand that maybe you’re more of a fox than you realized.

“Don’t forget who owns you, princess.”

Trixie’s mouth pops open and she stares at you with wide eyes. You collapse further onto the couch and cover your eyes with your palms. Your heart pounds in your chest as you run through everything you just discovered.

“Wait, I’m sorry…did I miss something?” Trixie asks. “What the hell is all of this, Y/N?”

“It’s nothing,” you reply a little too quickly. “It must be some kind of a joke or something. I don’t know.”

“Some joke! Some expensive joke. These fell out of the letter,” she says, handing over the two green strips of paper.

Your eyes widen as you scan the printed text on the paper. Two tickets to one of Elvis’ concerts at the International Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada. You run a hand over your face and toss the tickets back into the cardboard box they came in. With a building rage, you grab onto the other contents of the package and shove them back in, tucking the wrapping paper back over them like a blanket.

“No, no this is insane. I don’t know what kind of sick joke this is. But no,” you mutter to yourself.

“Y/N, honey…I really don’t think this is a joke. I mean, two front row tickets to an Elvis Presley concert in Las Vegas? Do you know how expensive these are? Who would blow that much money just to get a laugh? I can’t even think of anyone else you know and I certainly didn’t pull this stunt.”

“Look, I don’t know, but I can’t believe that…well, he wouldn’t have any reason to send this to me. I mean, I told him no the last time he offered, so he should-”

“What? What do you mean you ‘told him no?’ Y/N what is going on here that I don’t know about? I’m completely lost.”

Shit. You slipped.

“Oh, no. It’s nothing,” you stutter, waving your hands frantically. “It was…nothing.”

“Well, it was obviously something?” Trixie gestures to the package. You sigh and she places a hand on your shoulder. “Foxie, I’m your best friend in the world. You can tell me anything.”

Your gaze drops down to her brightly painted purple nails and you heave a deep breath before lifting your gaze to hers. Her eyebrows are furrowed in concern and you know that she genuinely does care about your well-being.

“You’re technically my only friend in the world, Trix. But yes, I guess something did happen that I never told you about.”

“Well, what is honey? Now, I really have to know,” she gestures to the package again and you chuckle.

“Well, to start off, the 68 special wasn’t the first time I saw Elvis. I saw him in 1956 at Russwood Park, too.”

“Right. I remember. We’ve talked about it plenty of times. What does that concert have to do with this?”

“Well, I maybe…kind of, sort of…did an embarrassing thing.”

“Like…what?” she quirks an eyebrow and you squeeze your eyes shut to counter the embarrassment you feel rising in your chest.

“I slid my underwear across the stage at that concert,” you blurt, wincing at the memory of your own actions. “And apparently I made an impression because he, Elvis I mean, sent his producer to bring me to the dressing room after we filmed the special. It was several hours after, so you were probably long gone by then. I was staying with my cousin, Steve, you remember him. Anyway, so I wound up in Elvis’ dressing room and it was just the two of us and he just…he just pulled my panties out of his pocket! The ones I’d given him, you know, years and years ago. I mean, I never in my wildest dreams would have expected…do you think he washed them? I mean, ew!”

“Calm, Foxie! Calm and focus. Slow words.”

“Right, sorry,” you laugh painfully and gulp before continuing. “Uh, after he pulled my panties out he sort of asked me if I…like, if I wanted to be his…sugar baby?”

Trixie’s eyes close and reopen wider and she leans forward as if she hasn’t heard you correctly. She blinks in shock.

“Well, what did you say? Did you tell him no?”

“Yeah, I said it was wrong. That I’m not the kind of person who sleeps with married men. Apparently, he didn’t take the hint because…” you gesture again to the infamous package.

“Yeah, I’d say not. What did he offer you? That’s how it works, right? You take care of him and he does something for you?”

“He offered to pay my debts and buy me gifts and stuff. The usual things, I imagine?”

“And he hasn’t contacted you since then until now?”

“Not one time.”

A few moments of silence pass. Trixie settles back into the couch, tapping her finger on her leg, obviously deep in thought. Your eyes just lazily drag around the scattered contents of the package as you contemplate what to do.

“Maybe…” Trixie starts, “you should go see what he wants?”

Your head snaps toward her.

“What?”

“I don’t know, maybe…maybe he has a different offer for you. Or maybe you can finagle your way into an even better arrangement.”

You throw your hands up, motioning for her to stop.

“Trixie, what are you talking about? I can’t do this. It’s wrong.”

“Yeah, I know, but you could use the extra cash and, after all, it is Elvis Presley.”

You just stare at her for a moment, your eyes flicking around her face to see whether she’s joking. Based on what you gather from her expression, she’s being completely serious. You scoff and stand up, grabbing harshly onto the box to take it right to the trash can.

“I can’t believe you would even say that, Trix. I expected better from you.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Trixie asks, standing and propping her hands on her hips.

“For God’s sake, Trixie! The man is married with a baby. What would I do to all of that if I said yes? I’m not a homewrecker. All he wants to do is use me anyway. He’ll probably drop me in three days for another woman. No thanks, not gonna happen. I’m not doing this.”

“Well, give it all to me, then,” Trixie shouts back, stalking over toward you and grabbing ahold of the package. You pull back firmly, preventing her from snatching it out of your fingers.

“Excuse me? What are you gonna do? You’re gonna go see him?”

“Maybe I will.”

“Well, I hate to break it to you, but he doesn’t want you. He wants me!” you shout, ripping the package away from her.

“Oh, that’s very nice of you. If you’re not gonna take him up on it, someone should!” she yells back, reaching for the package again.

“If you didn’t want to support me financially any more you could have just said it!”

“Don’t even!” she holds up her pointer finger. “You know very well that’s not what this is about. I have no problem helping you. You’re the one who’s always complaining about how pathetic it is that you have to mooch off me.”

“And not everyone has the luxury to just leave their lives, you know!” you yell. “I have to work, Trixie. To pay my bills, to keep my car, to avoid going to prison. Not everyone’s mommy and daddy are around to bail them out when they make stupid decisions!”

Right after the words escape your lips, your eyebrows unfurl and grief settles quickly in the depths of your stomach. When you notice a few glinting tears gathering in Trixie’s eyes, the reality of what you’ve said and its consequences are all too clear. Trixie huffs and stares at you for a moment before spinning on her heel and stalking down the hallway to her room. You drop the box on the counter and thrust your face into your hands, jumping at the rigid sound of her bedroom door slamming shut.

“Why don’t you just leave me alone?” you whisper to Elvis’ nonexistent frame as you toy with a piece of the wrapping paper.

You’d lied to Trixie, which you now feel increasingly bad about. You had heard from Elvis. Just a few letters here and there for the first couple of months after you rejected him the first time. You threw them all away without opening a single one. After a while, they just stopped coming and you thought you were in the clear. You were obviously wrong.

You glance around the apartment, thinking about how lucky you are to even be living here in the first place. Guilt racks through your body painfully and you sniff back a couple of tears before reaching across the table to grab the two tickets. As your eyes circle around the words, you sigh and then shuffle down the hall toward Trixie’s room. With a deep breath, you knock quietly on the door and lean against it.

“Trixie? I’m so sorry, Trix. I’m just overwhelmed and frustrated. I didn’t mean to call you stupid or…shame you for your upbringing. And I really shouldn’t dare considering how much you’ve done for me,” you say quietly, resting your forehead against the door. “It just feels so…unreal. This whole Elvis situation. Don’t get me wrong, of course I’m interested but it just…feels so wrong. He’s married with a kid and I…I’m scared.”

You wait a few seconds but hear nothing on the other side of the door. You turn with a dejected sigh and retreat to hide in your room. But as soon as you turn your back, the door clicks open. You whirl back around to see Trixie peeking her head out.

“I’m sorry,” you say but she holds up a hand.

“Don’t apologize. I’m the one who should be doing that. I have no right telling you what to do with your life. I certainly shouldn’t be mad at you for not accepting. This situation is very…unusual. I guess I just got jealous at the idea that the Elvis Presley wants you so badly that he went to all this trouble. And I hate to see you struggling. I know the money would reduce a lot of stress so I just think you should…I don’t know, consider it.”

“I know, Trix. I could use the money, of course. But I’m scared and embarrassed. What’ll happen if I eventually get old or uninteresting? If he gets bored of me and drops me for someone else? I barely know the man but he feels dangerous to me. Steve said something about him being unfaithful to his wife and…it’s just all so much.”

Trixie nods, leaning against the doorframe and crossing her arms over her chest. You sigh loudly.

“At the same time, though…” you offer a small smile and pull the two tickets from your back pocket. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to take him up on this? It’d be a shame to waste two front row tickets, especially with how expensive they are nowadays. And it would give me the opportunity to tell him off once and for all. What do you think? Another roomie adventure?”

You wiggle the tickets in the air with a suggestive shrug. Trixie laughs and nudges the door open with her hip. She throws her arms around your shoulders and you lean into her touch, closing your eyes and squeezing tightly. When she releases you, you’re greeted by a massive smile on her beautiful face.

“I guess we should get packing, then,” you say, gesturing at the tickets which have tomorrow’s date printed all over them.

“I’ll call the hotel and make reservations!” Trixie shouts, clapping her hands together.

With that, she disappears into her room to start packing. You trudge back into the kitchen to retrieve the package and then disappear into your own room. A few minutes later, you hear Trixie’s favorite Elvis record playing from her room.

You spend most of the day packing and preparing to leave since you’ll need to depart first thing in the morning to make the concert on time. At least one full hour is spent on the phone with your boss at KNBC as you try to explain why you can’t come in tomorrow. Another hour is wasted when you spend it calling everyone you know at the office to see if they’ll fill in for you. Luckily, the last person on your contact list agrees to take your shift. You thank them endlessly and accidentally promise an autograph from Elvis, although you aren’t sure if you plan on being that close to him.

You pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow that night and, even though you’ve both slept in, you and Trixie are groggy as ever in the morning.

As you lift your suitcase from the bed, your eyes land on the package from Elvis, half-unopened and not packed in your case. You pause in the doorway for a moment, staring at it. Last night, it was all too clear why you shouldn’t bring it. The answer to his proposal was and always would be a firm no. But this morning, as your gaze falls frozen on the beautiful things he’d sent you and the haunting words he’d written, your heart thumps with anticipation. Sighing frustratedly, you click open the suitcase and shove both the dress and the lingerie inside.

You and Trixie leave LA around 11 a.m., piled into her blue Jeep Wagoneer. Two hours into the four hour trip, you switch off and take the wheel so Trixie can get some extra rest. She was awake until two in the morning pairing up the perfect outfits. To your surprise, the drive is over in a flash and, the next thing you know, you’re inching through the Vegas Strip, stuck in horrific traffic.

You check your wristwatch as you get caught by yet another red light. You have roughly four hours to get ready for the show. After parking and checking in at the front desk, you take your bags upstairs to get unpacked. Even with exploring the hotel, grabbing dinner, and getting changed for the concert (which includes the forty minutes you spent debating whether or not you should wear the blue dress Elvis sent you), you find yourselves with time to spare. You decide to head down early and see if you can get seated before the rush.

When you arrive outside of the showroom, you’re shocked to see the area relatively deserted. You check the ticket twice to make sure before approaching the security guard standing in front of the doors.

“Hi,” you say cheerily. “We’re here for the Elvis show and were just wondering if it’d be possible for us to be seated a little early? If not, that’s alright, but we figured we’d check.”

“Well,” the guard starts, his eyes tracking not-so-sneakily up and down yours and Trixie’s figures. “We normally don’t allow people in before the scheduled time, but I might be able to make an exception for two ladies as lovely as yourselves.”

He winks and you press your lips together to keep from laughing. You glance at Trixie out of the corner of your eye and see her holding a finger to her mouth to mask her amusement.

“Oh, that’d be awfully sweet of you…Henry,” Trixie says, flashing him her most charming smile.

Your eyes drop down to see his nametag which reads Henry. You bite your tongue as you watch Henry flash Trixie a smile. He glances around the surrounding casino floor to see if anyone else is watching before pushing open the big black door behind him. He gestures with his hand.

“Please come on in, ladies. Will you need help finding your seats today?”

“Oh, you’re too generous, Henry,” you say as you both glide past him into the showroom. “But I think we’ll be alright. If we get lost, we’ll be sure to find you.”

You throw in a wink for good measure and spin on your heel, dragging Trixie into the room. Only a few steps inside and you’re both laughing so hard that you can barely breathe. Your laughs dry up in a couple of seconds, however, when you start to take in the space. You mutter in awe and point around the room, admiring details like the golden curtains pulled over the stage and the ornate statues adorning each column. You pull out the tickets and use them to direct you both toward your seats in the front row.

“Damn, we’re literally right here,” you muse, glancing straight ahead of you onto the front of the stage.

You’re seated at a round table that’s clad with a very fanciful tablecloth, dishes, and wine glasses. A candle, unlit, rests in the middle of the table and there’s a note propped up against the glass. You tilt your head as you reach out to grab it.

“Oh my god,” you mutter as you read the writing on the outside. Princess.

“Ooh, what’s that?” Trixie asks, plopping into one of the chairs next to you. You open the note as you join her.

“Princess, I’m so glad you made it. When you get here, come see me backstage. I have a present for you,” you read, your eyebrows furrowing.

You glance at Trixie but she just raises her eyebrows and shrugs. With a deep breath, you grab onto your purse, still clutching the note in your fingers.

“Alright, well I guess now’s as good a time as any to break the hard news. I’ll be back, I hope. If anything happens to me back there, you get everything in the apartment,” you say with a goofy smile.

Trixie laughs and shoos you away just in time for the showroom doors to open and release a line of audience members into the area. You hurry toward a door on the left side of the stage which you assume leads to the backstage area, considering the security guard who stands in front of it. You clear your throat before announcing yourself.

“Uh, hi! I’m here to see Elvis. Well, everyone is here to do that, I guess, but I have this note and uh…well, here,” you say nervously and hand over the letter. He examines it as you wait and anxiously wring out your fingers.

“Y/N?”

Your head spins as a vaguely familiar voice sounds from behind you. A smile immediately spreads across your face as you recognize Elvis’ producer, Jerry. You give him a wave and a shrug as heat creeps into your face.

“Hi…” you greet him quietly.

“It’s nice to see you again,” he says, approaching you. He waves off the guard dismissively. “She’s good to go. He’s been expecting her for a long time. Here, I’ll show you back.”

The guard shimmies out of the way so Jerry can open the door. He gestures for you to enter with a smile and you thank him as you step through.

“Changed your mind, huh?” Jerry asks as you follow him through the backstage area.

“Uh, no actually. Not really. I’m just here to tell him to save his postage,” you say, feeling the need to justify yourself although you can’t explain why.

“Can’t blame you. These kinds of situations don’t work for everyone, although this will be a first for him.”

“Do you think he’ll be disappointed?” you ask jokingly.

“Oh I’d bet on it.” Apparently Jerry didn’t take your question as a joke. “Like I said before he’s been waiting for you, specifically, for a long time. I’m sure he’ll be very disappointed, but don’t let that stop you. It is your decision, after all. Good luck.”

Jerry points toward a dressing room door with big black letters which read ELVIS. You clear your throat and thank Jerry. He nods curtly and then spins on his heel to return to the work he probably needs to get done before the show starts. You straighten the hem of the blue dress he’d sent you and clutch firmly onto the strap of your purse, into which you’d also stuffed the lingerie at the last minute. It suddenly occurs to you that perhaps you were supposed to wear the lingerie under the dress…

Oh well, you think to yourself. Too late now.

You take a few deep breaths and smile awkwardly at the cast and crew who pass through the area on their way to get ready for the show. You know it’s ridiculous to think that everyone knows why you’re here but, despite the sheer unlikeliness of it all, you still feel embarrassed and shameful that you actually came. A few times, you debate backing away and returning to your table with Trixie to just enjoy the show. But something stops you every time. Eventually, your desire and curiosity move you forward and your knuckles knock on the door three times.

Ignoring the fight or flight mechanism that triggers in your chest, you wait for the door to open. In a matter of seconds, your wish is granted and he stands before you. He’s wearing an incredibly detailed white jumpsuit with flared pants and a popped collar. It’s unbuttoned all the way down to his waist and you gulp as your eyes immediately fly to the bare skin of his chest. As your gaze flicks back up to his face, you find him smirking down at you, his eyes already hungrily digesting your figure which stands in front of him. His body is elongated and pulled taut as he leans against the doorframe. He still looks good, as healthy and as sexy as ever, although his sideburns and hair are much longer than they had been almost a year ago.

“Princess,” he says in a voice even deeper than you remember. You begin to notice the painful thudding of your heart against your chest as his eyes take you in. “I figured you weren’t comin.”

This is it, the perfect opportunity for you to reject him and explain why you can’t take him up on his offer. But your brain stalls. It’s completely blank as you stare up at him with helpless doe eyes. He examines your figure once more before pushing the door open to create a space underneath his armpit for you to enter. You glance up at him, waiting for further instructions as if you need a translation. He flips his head toward the room.

“Inside.”

─────•~❉᯽❉~•─────

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[booksandabeer]

so uhhhh *slides you ten bucks* *twirls hair awkwardly* I hear you're into fics that destroy you, huh? As a fellow Angst Queen, might I maybe ask for... recs? *bats lashes imploring* Pretty please?

Hello fellow Angst Queen...

*takes ten dollar bill* ...so you wanna get wrecked, huh? Destroyed? Utterly ruined? Ok then, step right this way.

I tried to go for varying levels of angst. As a general reminder, since these are all angsty, sad, and/or pretty dark fics: Please, for the love of God, check the tags before you read!

there must have been a moment where we could have said no by magdaliny | M, 155K | Part 1 in quiet americans series

Authors summary: The Soldier remembers this: he wakes up in the snow.

A Bucky recovery story about finding and leaving behind identities, learning to live again, and living well. The first two chapters focus on Bucky's time as the Winter Soldier, so yes, it gets very dark. A beautifully-written, at times hard to read story about the breaking and re-making of a person. And about falling in love.

an unfamiliar coast by brideofquiet | M, 19K | Part 1 in new topography series

Authors summary: He doesn’t have a concept of how long ten years is anywhere. Not even before he’d been yanked out of a natural, linear progression. He’d been six years old once; he’d been sixteen and then he’d been twenty-six. But the breadth of time between those moments—what the hell is ten years?

A long, long time. That’s all he knows. (Bucky goes to war. Ten years later, he comes home.)

A mid-century Shrinkyclinks AU in which Steve never went to war and Bucky escapes from HYDRA in the 1950s. What happens when one of them has tried to move on from grief and loss, and live his life, and the other didn't even have a life for ten years? A beautiful story with an even better sequel!

From Tralfamadore, With Love by newsbypostcard | E, 106K | Part 1 in From Tralfamadore series

Authors summary: In 2018, Steve, Sam, and Bucky embark on a mission to explore a Hydra-owned warehouse when a kid with mutant powers sends Steve 18 years into the future. Steve's just as in love with Bucky as he was when he left, but for Bucky it's been a long 18 years. As he gets used to life in 2036 and the flaws in Bucky's idyllic life expose themselves, Steve also has to manage a suspiciously ubiquitous security force, a Brotherhood of Mutants, and old competing loyalties among his aged friends. There's a Bucky in 2018 waiting for him to come home, but if he does that, it means leaving this Bucky behind for a third, unforgivable time. How can he choose?

The summary is pretty self-explanatory, and I really don't want to reveal anymore than that. Much of the tension and emotional drama in this fic comes from not knowing what's going to happen, and from desperately guessing at how on earth the author is going to solve Steve's impossible dilemma. I loved the way the author explored the relationship of a Steve and a Bucky who have been separated for two seconds and 18 years, respectively. Also, possibly the best use of a Fleetwood Mac song in fanfic ever.

When the Season Comes Around by theheartischill | T, 34K

Authors summary: The other problem is that Steve loves him, and Bucky isn't sure he remembers how to love.

An all-time fave Bucky recovery fic of mine. Featuring a Bucky who saves himself, a perfectly imperfect Steve, and one of the healthiest depictions of a Steve/Bucky relationship I've ever read (not that I don't usually love a little bit of codependency) . There are so many moments and lines in this that will absolutely destroy you. It's sad, and difficult, but also hopeful, and patient with its characters. It's so fucking smart in every way, I honestly don't feel qualified to even talk about this. For me, this is as close to perfection as it gets.

Little Animal Lives by adeepeningdig | T, 25K

Authors summary: In which Bucky Barnes emerges from cryofreeze, gets therapy, buys a house, some chickens and a few horses, and finds himself under the care of a few capable women and one capable girl; and in which Steve Rogers comes home.

The summary almost makes this sound like a semi-fluffy cabin/farm fic. And in a way it is that, but it's also so much more than that. Features beautiful writing (there's a description of love in the story that takes my breath away every time I read or even think about it), wonderful OCs, an extremely well-done second-person POV (please don't let this deter you from reading this fic, I beg you), and a "cure" for Bucky's trigger words that I don't think I've ever seen done or explained in quite that way anywhere else. Tender, heartbreaking, haunting. Go read it.

+1

Ok, and if all of these still aren't angsty enough for you, it's time to bring out the big guns. As in the biggest gun I can think of:

How You Leave by Dreadnought | E, 226K | Major Character Death!

I’ll say it right up front—and this isn’t a spoiler—this is a story about Bucky Barnes dying. And he really does die in it. There’s no last-minute miracle cure here. Be warned and read the tags thoroughly before you decide whether this is for you. In this fic, Bucky escaped HYDRA sometime in the early 90s, joined SHIELD and took up the mantle of Captain America. In 2012, just when Steve is discovered in the ice and returns to his life, Bucky’s serum stops working and his body slowly starts to degrade with only one inevitable outcome. This is a tough read. It’s very much a story about death and the process of dying, about grief and loss. But it’s also about life and what it means to “live a good life.” The author used the tag “learning to live through dying” and that’s exactly it. It’s a story about self-acceptance, reckoning with one’s legacy, re-learning what it means to be truly emotionally vulnerable, reconnecting with the past and at the same time learning to let go of it. And it’s about love. So much love. It’s a very sad story but not a bitter or depressing one. It broke my heart slowly, thoroughly, completely. It’s fucking incredible. I will never read it again.

-------

Happy crying, everyone!

(I might do a part 2 of this at some point?)

[seamayweed]

Wanna do the a03 wrapped thing? Because you should be! Here are some BTS things with the writer I would personally love to know (doesn't have to be for 2023): 

- favorite title (for a work or chap) 

- what relationship are you excited to explore next year? 

- what do you listen to while writing 

- fav line written this year, whether it's published or not 

- biggest surprise while writing this year?

 and anything bts with the writer you want to add!

aaaa thank you so much, i’m so flattered and touched that you would send me an ask like this 😭 i always feel like ppl aren’t that interested in my writing (or are annoyed by it), so this is a very pleasant and extremely encouraging surprise!!

(more underneath the cut since to absolutely no one's surprise i got very wordy yet again whoops)

favorite title (for a work or chap) 

the candles burned out the light since this song, and this line in particular, gave me so many ideas, both writing- and giffing-wise. also the latest chapter of Half of Your Fate (“two rings, one heart”) since i like the meaning behind it: there may be two rings, one for hwi, the other for seon-ho to keep, but their hearts are one.

what relationship are you excited to explore next year? 

1. bangseon bangseon bangseon - there are so many stories i want to tell about them that i haven’t told yet

2. seonrok as i’ve been promising for so long. i’m determined to be braver about tackling their relationship and writing them!!

3. myeonggun from bloodhounds

4. the jang bros from vincenzo

what do you listen to while writing

i listen to a lot of florence and the machine and paris paloma, for seonhwi i listen to a lot of joji, the weeknd is also a favorite, otherwise cigarettes after sex, the instrumental ost for the crowned clown is great for Half of Your Fate (esp. Snow Field is so seon-ho-core that it hurts my heart), and i know i’ve recced these two seon-ho playlists before.

fav line written this year, whether it's published or not 

1. if it’s a line, my mind always goes back to this one again from time to time; it's from the goblin king:

Cold unfolds inside her like a long winter night.

it was partially inspired by this translation of a beautiful sijo poem by hwang jini (1506-1567) who was a famous kisaeng (although this translation on wikipedia may express the double entendre better):

I will break the back of this long, midwinter night, Folding it double, fold beneath my spring quilt, That I may draw out the night, should my love return.

2. otherwise it’s the last 2-3 lines here, from the as of yet unfinished sequel of and bloodless again:

(for context: they are conintuing their arrangement where seon-ho helps bang-won fall asleep)

Seon-ho holds him, rocking him like he’s a child. He strokes his hair and his back, hums in his low, soothing voice. Lullaby-soft. The way Bang-won might do with his own daughters and sons. Seon-ho doesn’t have his own children. He doesn’t have a wife, doesn’t have a brother or a sister, nor a mother. Not anymore. His father might as well not be one. He has no family to speak of, in truth. So where did he learn such tenderness? Such love? Or—perhaps he did have children, once. Two of them, things spat out on the roadside, rotting and dying. A tragedy, certainly, but nothing special. Only more casualties of Goryeo. Of Bang-won. No one else would have given them a second glance. No one except Seon-ho. He didn’t walk past or look the other way, in that cutting way he has, seeing to the core of everything. He cannot make himself look away like other people do. It’s not in his nature. Maybe his life would be easier, if it was. It’s what makes him so terrifying. He picked them up from the ground and fed them from his bosom. He held them, long ago, before father, king, and country. Before they were ripped out of his arms, the way he was stolen from his mother’s. Bang-won wonders what it would be like to hold him, instead of just being held by him. To hold his heart in his mouth like a quail egg, small and fragile, and crack it between his teeth. To crack him in two: pieces of soft eggshell and blue.

biggest surprise while writing this year?

didn’t expect to be writing for bloodhounds!! gun-woo and myeonggun really took me by storm. also didn’t expect park sung-woong and knife daddy myeong-gil to completely take over my brain haha.

aside from that, i’ve become more confident about posting fics, even if i think they might not be good enough for posting or the fandom isn’t big enough for anyone to care. i’m proud of myself for going off anon on my darkfics. i think i’ve also become better at recognizing when i’m writing for others, instead of myself. the audience i should always be writing for first and foremost is myself, and sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of that. having learned all these things, hopefully i’ll be able to grow as a writer and become better at just having pure, mindless fun in the future!!

and anything bts with the writer you want to add!

not really... i think i've talked enough about myself and my writing by now /o\ if you've made it this far to the end of this very long and rambly reply, thank you for listening and i wish you all the best!! 💙💙💙

[longbobmckenzie]

I've been reading LITG fanfiction for over 3 years now (!!), so I've read quite a few fics! I thought it was about time I updated my recommendations. You can find the original recs here! There are some duplicates but for the most part I decided to be a bit more biased with these.

Since I have a lot of recs and didn't want to narrow things down too much, I'm splitting them into two posts - this one for chaptered fics, and another for oneshots!

Note: In putting together this list, I included my personal faves and a bunch of fics that I just have good memories of. I'm in no way saying these are the best of the best (which is up to personal opinion anyway), as I've left off a lot of great/popular fics. Plus while I've read a lot, I haven't read everything, especially over the last year or so. Also, like everyone, I'm biased towards certain characters, but if you want specific recommendations for your faves, feel free to send me an ask and I can provide a few!

For more comprehensive lists for each character, you can also check out @litgreadersroom!

Bobby

An Infinite Deal of Nothing by @eskiix - Post-villa fic in which Bobby meets someone after the show. Must-read Say When by twofoursixohone - MC is a CA girl who hits it off with Bobby The Greatest of Them All by @throughthejunobush - MC is with Gary at the time of Hannah's return The One That Got Away by neld13 - Post-villa, Bobby has a thing for MC but she's with Lucas What Other People Say by @thoracic-orchid - Super cute Hallmark-esque alternate universe! Whiskey on Your Lips by @lucas-koh - Love triangle with Bobby and Lucas, alternate universe. Must-read.

Noah

Don't Disappoint Me by @throughthejunobush - MC reconnects with Noah after the show History written in moans and writhing by @bypine - porn AU Of twos and threes by @bypine - Noah/Bobby/MC poly fic told through villa snapshots Rosehill House by @ariendiel - Regency-era Noah fic. Must-read

Jake

In My Veins by @chroniccomicobsession - vampire AU. Must-read Reasons to Be Brave by MamaMiaOhMy - ultimate Jake villa fic. Must-read

Other

Are You The One? by @queen-of-boops (Henrik) - mixed cast on a different reality dating show Capturing the Circus King by TwoSpoonsOfSugar (Rohan, Jake) - love triangle S1 villa fic Caught in the Act by @throughthejunobush (Lucas) - in-villa Lucas fake dating Ego and Enmity, Hannah's Song by @becangle (Hannah/everyone) - Hannah's fanfiction. Must-read

These are either abandoned or still works-in-progress, but

Bobby

The Sun in My Eyes by @sparxaf - angsty, smutty villa/post-villa fic. Might be completed sometime this decade. Must-read Begin Again by @fuseboxmusebox - fluff to heal your soul after TSIME It's Different This Time by Island_Project - very close to canon but it really fills out the villa experience. Abandoned Maybe, sort of, kind of, possibly by @blueberrycupcak3s - villa fic with some of the best banter. Canon mix-up, abandoned Sick Like Me by neld13 - smut-filled AU. Abandoned but outline/extra bits posted at the end. Must-read

Lucas

Damaged Goods by Finality2020 - MC is with Gary until he cheats on her. Inspired by what Lucas says in the wedding episodes. Abandoned Ghost Light by @fuseboxmusebox - exes/enemies-to-maybe-lovers-if-Ash-will-ever-finish-this Playing By Your Rules by @eskiix - spinoff of An Infinite Deal of Nothing with Lucas as the LI. In progress. Must-read The Power Couple by BattleBelle23 - in-villa fake dating/playing a game for the money. Quasi-abandoned Where The Tulips Bloom by @lucas-koh - Friends-to-lovers AU. On hiatus

Henrik

Powder Days by @mountainmanxoxo - snowboarding AU. On indefinite hiatus Lay All Your Love On Me by OverdressedandUnderwhelmed - basically finished villa fic Moss, Eternal by @mountainmanxoxo - hilarious, kinda spoofy villa fic. On indefinite hiatus

Other

Island Villa Apartments by @kittidot (Multiple) - cute, fluffy fic of interconnected stories centred around an apartment complex. On indefinite hiatus Shiny Demon by @throughthejunobush (Seb) - ultimate Seb villa/post-villa fic. On hiatus/WIP The Fortunate Ones by theriverlea (Noah) - MC is a Casa Amor girl who hits it off with Noah. WIP