#and repulsion and fear and exploration and connection and exploitation

[marchivists]

creep 2 is about sex

[blackwidowfeminine]

Nessus square Ascendant culture

Overwhelming Presence: Individuals with this placement can have a powerful and often overwhelming presence. They may project intense emotions or desires that can be unsettling to those around them, leading to discomfort in social interactions.

Magnetism and Manipulation: The energy associated with Nessus can attract others but can also evoke feelings of manipulation or control. People may feel drawn to or repelled by the intensity, leading to a sense of unease in relationships.

Fascination with the Taboo: Nessus is linked to themes of power, abuse, and trauma. Its square to the Ascendant can bring these darker elements to the forefront, making individuals confront uncomfortable truths about themselves and others. This exploration can create an atmosphere that feels heavy.

Shadow Work: This placement may compel individuals to engage in shadow work—facing their fears, insecurities, and darker impulses. While this can be transformative, it can also feel invasive for both the individual and those who witness this process.

Imbalance of Power: The square aspect suggests tension and conflict. This can manifest as struggles for control or dominance in personal relationships, creating an dynamic where boundaries may feel blurred or violated.

Attraction to Toxicity: Individuals may find themselves drawn to intense or toxic relationships, leading to cycles of pain and healing that can be disturbing to observe. This attraction can create a pattern of emotional turmoil that feels creepy to those who witness it.

Struggle with Authenticity: The tension between Nessus and the Ascendant can lead to a struggle for authenticity. Individuals may grapple with their identity, feeling pressured to conform to societal expectations while grappling with their deeper, darker instincts. This internal conflict can create a façade that feels disingenuous or eerie.

Perception vs. Reality: The persona projected to the world may clash with internal feelings, creating a sense of dissonance. Others may sense this lack of alignment, leading to discomfort in interactions.

Guarded Nature: Individuals with this placement might struggle to open up emotionally, fearing that revealing their true selves will lead to rejection or exploitation. This guardedness can create an air of mystery to others, who may sense that there is more beneath the surface.

Defensive Mechanisms: The tendency to employ defensive mechanisms can manifest as sarcasm, avoidance, or emotional withdrawal, which can be perceived as off-putting in social situations.

Societal and Cultural Stigmas: In cultures that prioritize goodness, light, harmony and positivity, the intensity associated with Nessus can be seen as abnormal or creepy. As for the darker aspects, Individuals who embody this placement with Nessus may face being stigmatized, judged, alienated, or misunderstood from others. further isolating them and reinforcing their connection to their inner darkness.

Fascination with the Macabre: There can be a cultural fascination with darkness, trauma, and power dynamics, yet this can create a paradox where individuals are both attracted to and repulsed by such themes.

Emotional Overload: Individuals with this placement may experience emotions more intensely than others, leading to a kind of emotional overload. This can result in unpredictable behavior or outbursts that may feel intimidating or disturbing to those around them.

Unresolved Trauma: Nessus is often linked to themes of trauma, abuse, and victimization. The square to the Ascendant can indicate unresolved personal trauma, manifesting in ways that make individuals seem haunted or preoccupied by their past. This creates a pervasive sense of darkness that can be uncomfortable for others.

Manipulative Tendencies: The power dynamics associated with Nessus can lead to manipulative behaviors in relationships. Individuals may unconsciously wield power over others, leading to feelings in social settings where others feel controlled or dominated.

Fear of Exploitation: The awareness of potential manipulation can create a fear of exploitation in personal relationships. This fear can lead to hyper-vigilance, causing individuals to project an aura of suspicion.

Intense Fascinations: Individuals may develop obsessive interests or fixations on specific themes, such as death, power, or taboo subjects. These obsessions can create discomfort for others, especially if they feel that these interests cross social boundaries.

Invasive Curiosity: There may be a tendency to delve into the darker aspects of human nature out of morbid curiosity. This can manifest in a fascination with horror, true crime, or trauma narratives.

Facade of Normalcy: There can be a significant disconnect between how individuals present themselves to the world and their inner emotional landscape. This dissonance can lead to a feeling where others may sense that something is not right but can't quite pinpoint what it is.

Eerie Silence: Individuals might not openly express their intense emotions or struggles, leading to a kind of eerie silence. This can make their presence feel heavy or foreboding, as if they are holding back deep, dark secrets.

Confronting the Shadow: The square aspect encourages individuals to confront their shadow self—the parts of themselves they wish to hide or deny. This journey can be dark and fraught with discomfort, leading to a deeper understanding of their inner complexities. However, it can also create a sense of unease for those who witness this internal struggle.

Public vs. Private Self: Engaging in shadow work can lead to a split between the public persona and the private self, creating a sense of disquiet in social interactions. People may be unsettled by the realization that there is a darker, hidden side to someone they thought they knew.

Fear of Vulnerability: The fear of being vulnerable can make it challenging to form deep, meaningful connections. This guardedness can create an atmosphere where others may feel that they are not getting the full picture of the individual.

Repetitive Unhealthy Relationship Patterns: Individuals might find themselves trapped in cycles of unhealthy relationships, where they unconsciously replicate past traumas in the form of unhealthy relationships patterns, leading to feelings of hopelessness and confusion. This can also lead to emotional drama and instability, which can be traumatizing for both parties involved.

Ambivalence Toward the Dark Side: While there may be a cultural fascination with dark themes (e.g., horror films, true crime stories), there can also be a simultaneous desire to avoid confronting personal darkness.

Gaslighting: Individuals may inadvertently engage in gaslighting, where they distort reality for others to maintain control or to avoid confronting their own darkness. This manipulation can create a dynamic, leading others to doubt their perceptions of the darkness they may have saw in the individual before they were gaslit.

Artistic Exploration: The individual may express their inner turmoil through art, music, or writing that delves into dark themes. While this can be cathartic, it can also create a creepy aura as others may grapple with the intensity and darkness of the work.

Performative Elements: In some cases, there may be a tendency to perform emotional extremes in public settings, leaving others feeling uncomfortable or on edge. This performative aspect can serve as a way to externalize internal struggles.

Social Isolation: The intensity of emotions and unresolved trauma can lead to externalization of abusive behavior to keep others away as a defense mechanism from more abuse or complete withdrawal from social situations. People may find it hard to connect with the individual, who seems to oscillate between the externalization of abusiveness in form of engagement and retreat. Retreat can manifest through the trauma in the form of isolation, hence why they retreat from others.

Seeing Shadows in Others: Individuals may project their unresolved issues onto others, interpreting neutral behaviors as threatening or aggressive. This projection can lead to unnecessary conflicts.

Judgmental Attitudes: A tendency to judge others harshly for their imperfections can emerge, as individuals grapple with their own shadows. This creates a critical atmosphere that can feel suffocating.

Heavy Conversations: In social settings, the individual may inadvertently steer conversations toward intense or dark topics, catching others off guard. This can happen even in lighthearted environments, shifting the mood unexpectedly.

Hyper-Sensitivity to Social Dynamics: Individuals may become overly aware of the power dynamics in social situations, leading to a sense of paranoia or distrust. They may read too deeply into social cues, leading to misunderstandings or conflict.

Recurring Nightmares or Flashbacks: Individuals may experience recurring nightmares or intrusive thoughts related to past trauma. This can manifest in a way that affects their daily life and interactions, creating a persistent sense of dread.

Off-putting Calmness in Crisis: Some individuals may display an unsettling calmness during emotional crises such as abuse, which can confuse or disturb others who expect emotional expression. This calmness may mask deeper internal chaos.

Interest in Dark Psychology: Individuals may gravitate toward studying manipulation, power dynamics, or psychological trauma, which can lead to discomfort in social settings if these interests come up.

Fascination with Death and Morbidity: An intense interest in death, the macabre, or themes of violence can develop, leading individuals to explore these topics in ways that might feel creepy to others. This could manifest in consuming dark literature, art, or media.

Triggers and Sensitivity: Certain situations or interactions may trigger strong emotional responses or flashbacks. This hyper-sensitivity can create an unpredictable emotional landscape that feels unsettling for both the individual and those around them.

Surface-Level Relationships: There may be an overwhelming fear of true intimacy, leading to superficial relationships. While on the surface, everything may appear fine, there’s often a lurking sense of something deeper that remains unacknowledged.

Avoidance of Vulnerability: The fear of being truly seen can lead to a guarded demeanor. This avoidance can be palpable to others, creating an eerie sense of distance that is difficult to bridge.

Addictive Tendencies: The emotional intensity may lead individuals to seek relief through compulsive behaviors or addictions (e.g., substance abuse, obsessive hobbies). This behavior can manifest in ways that alienate others or create a sense of concern around the individual.

[timeforelfnonsense]

I said I’d share this ages ago but I 100% Forgot to! This was an essay I wrote for a university class on Gender and dystonia. It’s a nine page essay so it’s a long read but could be interesting to some folks! I also was a little burned out when I wrote this so please be soft with me.  

In August of 2007, Irrational Games, at the time Known as 2K Boston released, the first game in the Bioshock series. The three-game series explores the ethics, politics and consequences of societies based in utopian ideals and how quickly they become dystopian. This paper will explore the first games world of Rapture, and its connections to biopolitics and the exploitation of capitalism.

After a mysterious plane crash, protagonist Jack finds himself at the entrance to Rapture, a strange concrete lighthouse. Inside a golden statue of the cities founder, draped in a red banner reading, “No Gods, No Kings, Only Men”.  Created by billionaire Andrew Ryan to escape from the political, social and religious anxieties of a post-World War II world, Rapture is a libertarian state founded on individualistic ideas and objectivism.

“I am Andrew Ryan, and I am here to ask you a question. Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow? 'No,' says the man in Washington, 'it belongs to the poor.' 'No,' says the man in the Vatican, 'it belongs to God.' 'No,' says the man in Moscow, 'it belongs to everyone.' I rejected those answers. Instead, I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose… Rapture. A city where the artist would not fear the censor. Where the scientist would not be bound by petty morality. Where the great would not be constrained by the small. And with the sweat of your brow, Rapture can become your city as well.”

― Andrew Ryan (Bioshock, 2007)

BioShock’s creator, Ken Levine has stated that the world of Rapture was heavily influenced by the work of Ayn Rand (Nyman, 376, 2018).  Bioshock challenges Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged, imagining what that word might look like inhabited by realistic and flawed people (Nyman, 376, 2018).

Rapture at first seems successful, individuals are allowed to innovate and create without restriction. Ryan’s capitalist utopia begins to run into issues fairly quickly however as the culture of rapture begins to cause class tensions within the city. The over valuing of profit defines the nature of Rapture’s tendency towards greed and elitism. In Rapture, those who are dependent on society are viewed as parasitic drains on society. It is the good of the individual and not a common good or general will (Nyman, 378, 2018). This leaves those of lower means living in Rapture alienated and left behind.

In, Society Must Be Defended, Michel Foucault explains that biopower is defined by two different overlapping technologies of power (Anderson,616, 2018).

“... one of the greatest transformations political right underwent in the nineteenth century was precisely that, I wouldn't say exactly that sovereignty's old right—to take lite or let live—was replaced, but it came to be complemented by a new right which does not erase the old right but which does penetrate it, permeate it. This is the right, or rather precisely the opposite right. It is the power to "make" live and "let" die. The right of sovereignty was the right to take life or let live. And then this new right is established: the right to make live and let die” (Foucault, 241, 1976).

Capitalism in Rapture makes use of this new form of biopower, intertwining the viability of an individual's life with their ability to labor.

Even with the class tensions, things began to change between 1948 and 1952 with the discovery of ADAM by scientist Brigid Tenenbaum. A substance that, when refined into Plasmids allows the user to alter their genetic code without any limits. ADAM, in its natural form is found in a deep-sea slug. However, the slugs could not produce ADAM at a rate that could keep up with the growingly dependent market. The addictive nature of ADAM cemented its place as the blood of Rapture. Moreover, as the addiction began to worsen, the demand for ADAM spiraled out of control far past what Rapture could produce and soon withdrawal symptoms caused ADAM users to change into violent addicts called Splicers.

It is though the exploitation of children, specifically little girls that creates some kind of stability for Rapture. With skyrocketing demands for ADAM, Dr. Tenenbaum is pressed to find a solution for quicker production. Her tests found that only though the implantation of a slug into a viable host, ADAM production went up thirty percent. These children, deemed the Little Sisters, become the backbone of Rapture. Frank Fontaine, a rival to Ryan seeing an opportunity for profit opens the Littles Sisters’ Orphanage to house and supply children to become little sisters. Rapture has no social programs, no welfare, leaving orphaned children in an impossible situation. Moreover, many parents from low income backgrounds are unable to provide for their children. Fontaine offered lofty promises to the poorer citizens of Rapture that he would provide their children with safety, education, and a life better than they could offer themselves.

These little girls are now cogs in the capitalistic machine rather than children. They have been reduced to a resource, a manageable unit that society is dependent on (Andersen, 623, 2018). These children are stripped of their personhood, taken from their homes and families all in the name of profit. Opinions on the little sisters are mixed in Rapture before its ultimate downfall. With some, such as Fontaine viewing the children as a neutral rescue. Ryan upon finding out about the little sisters was repulsed but saw them as necessary collateral to keep Rapture running. Others such as Brigid Tenenbaum, the creator of the little sister however saw them as children being exploited. The little sisters of Rapture are the ugly truth in a capitalist utopia. Capitalism is dependent on the exploitation and labor of those who are invisible. The citizens of rapture are able to use ADAM to achieve limitless heights, but all that innovation and creativity is on the backs of little girls robbed of their personhood.

As the insatiable craving for ADAM grew, as Rapture fell victim to more political unrest and conflict with the working class. Dr. Yi Suchong saw a need for ADAM was greater than what was being produced by the Little Sisters themselves. He developed a way for ADAM to be extracted from the blood of dead Splicers In order to make consuming the blood of the dead splicers more appealing the children are conditioned to see the now dilapidated world of Rapture as an idyllic, colorful kingdom.  This mental reconditioning was a candy colored counting on a grotesque truth. People were dying, children were being exploited all for the sake of a steady ADAM supply. These delusions coupled with their small size made the little sisters targets for crazed splicers desperate for an ADAM fix. Seeing the rise in brutal killings of the Little Sisters at the hands of the splicers, Dr. Yi Suchong developed the protector program, or Big Daddies to keep the little sisters safe.

Much like the Little Sisters, the Big Daddies are denied personhood. Created by genetically enhancing and grafting the skin and organs of prisoners into diving suit, the Big Daddies are another example of people being exploited for profit under a capitalist system. They did not consent to being mutilated and genetically altered. They have been both literally and figuratively striped of their voice in society. It is not surprising that the majority of Big Daddy test subjects included criminals, the criminally insane, and political prisoners, housed in a for-profit prison. These were individuals discarded by Rapture, people deemed undesirable. Yet, Rapture and its market are dependent on their labor and their suffering to waylay total collapse. This isn’t unlike our own history. These tests are biopolitical discipline, making those who have been marked as detrimental to the capitalist state useful while keeping them docile and under control (Foucault, 249, 1976)

The Little Sisters, the Big Daddies, even the Splicers, are all victims of a system devoid of social compassion or safety nets. The profitability of ADAM was placed before everything else and the structure of Rapture’s "gulch" style not only allowed it but encouraged it. Those with biopower are able to dictate life via the status quo.

“...we also have a second technology which is centered not upon the body but upon life: a technology which brings together the mass effects characteristic of a population, which tries to control the series of random events that can occur in a living mass, a technology which tries to predict the probability of those events (by modifying it, if necessary), or at least to compensate for their effects. This is a technology which aims to establish a sort of homeostasis, not by training individuals, but by achieving an overall equilibrium that protects the security of the whole from internal dangers.” (Foucault, 249, 1976)

However, one can only compensate for undesirable events for so long. After the supposed downfall of criminal and potential rival to Ryan, Frank Fontaine things in Rapture began to spiral. ADAM supplies ran low, civil unrest and descent began to surface. Ryan placed himself as de facto leader of Rapture, going against his own mantra of individualism. He began restricting freedoms and implementing harsh punishments for those who questioned him. On New Year’s Eve of 1958, a riot lead by Atlas, a mysterious figure who rallied the working class became the final nail in the coffin for Rapture.

The ADAM attention epidemic and the social political tensions boiling over from the working class into a civil war, ultimately lead to the downfall of Rapture. The limitless possibilities promised by Rapture and made reality by ADAM were never sustainable. Capitalism in Rapture, as well as in the real world has a body count. The term “Necrocapitalism”, refers to forms of organizational accumulation that involve disposition and death (Canavan, 3, 2014). This death can be actively caused by the capital gain or, as is the case with many in rapture a side effect of it.  In Canavan’s if the engine stops, we die, he states, “What necrocapitalism marks, then, may be not so much a novel feature of capitalism but rather the ongoing intensification of these technologies of suffering past the point where they are possible to deny.” (Canavan, 6, 2014).  The death and exploitation of those involved in the gathering and production of ADAM, the poor working class living in a state with no welfare, the disparity became impossible to ignore.

By the time Jack, the player character arrives, Rapture has gone completely dystopic. Upon seeing a little sister for the first time, Dr. Tenenbaum who has no devoted her life to protecting her “little ones”, begs Jack to help the girls rather than harvest them for their ADAM. They player has a choice, continue to exploit and kill these children for power and individual gain just as the citizens of rapture before them. Or, with the help of Tenenbaum help cure the Little Sisters, returning them to a state of near normalcy. Tenenbaum becomes an invaluable ally to Jack if he spares the Little Sisters, providing him with pyramids and assistants when possible. While it is more technically advantageous for the player to harvest the sister, it results in a bad ending. Sparing the Little Sisters means Jack returns to the surface with them, adopting the girls and creating a family and a life for them that under the biopolitics of Rapture they never could have had. It poses an interesting question about capitalism and exploitation. The idea of total freedom sounds utopic and ideal. However, these systems are always supported by the labor and exploitation of those marginalized by society. In Bioshock, all the difference in the world is made by siding with a woman who herself was exploited as a child and the Little Girls she cares for. In order for a “good ending” it is necessary to approach others with compassion, putting aside self-interest and power.

In conclusion, 2Ks Bioshock sets up an interesting and unique lens to critique the use of biopower and biopolitics by libertarian capitalism. This game reminds us to think outside of profit and power. Moreover, it exposes how profit often has a cost, a human cost that cannot and should not be ignored.

Foucault, Michel, and Ewald François. Society Must Be Defended: Lectures at the Collége De France, 1975-76. Penguin, 2008.

Work Cited

2K Games. Bioshock. Aug. 2007.

“‘If the Engine Ever Stops, We’d All Die’: Snowpiercer and Necrofuturism.” Paradoxa: Studies in World Literary Genres. Vol. 51, 2018.

Andersen, Gregers, and Esben Bjerggaard Nielsen. “Biopolitics in the Anthropocene: On the Invention of Future Biopolitics in Snowpiercer, Elysium, and Interstellar.” The Journal of Popular Culture, vol. 51, no. 3, 2018, pp. 615–634., doi:10.1111/jpcu.12689.

[seasaltmemories]

Devil’s Line Review/Analysis

This is gonna be a different beast to tackle for a few reasons A) I actually started this once before and dropped it, B) For a proper analysis I’m gonna have to dive into spoilers, and C) I technically haven’t finished the entire series, as the last volume of the manga isn’t translated (and I will only talk about the manga here) I say this all so you’ll be gentle with me as I pop from subject to subject

To start let’s get that summary:

Tsukasa, a college student, is rescued from an attack by a devil, one of many vampires that can blend in among the human population. Anzai, her savior, is a half-devil who exploits his supernatural gifts as a member of a shadowy police task force that specializes in devil-related crime in Tokyo. As Anzai continues to keep guard over Tsukasa, the two quickly forge a tentative bond—one that Anzai fears will test his iron-clad rule of never drinking human blood …

So I feel like expectations play a lot into how you receive this story and what you want to get out of it.  My first time going in I was told it was a dark fantasy series, and then what I got in the 7 or 8 chapters I read was a lot of faffing about of will they won’t they with the external plot only appearing to be there to drive the main couple together, so I got bored and dropped it

This time I went in not only knowing there would be a lot of romance, but also personally more in the mood for vampire stuff, and kinda meeting it where it was allowed me to see it grow into more interesting ways

The beginning isn’t bad, but I think it is best appreciated when you know up front this is 50% romance and 50% thriller, both genres are equally important to the narrative, but rather than starting out with that ratio, the beginning focuses entirely on Tsukasa’s and Anzai’s blossoming romance, from there a greater plot concerning devils begins to unfold, and then the two really begin to work in sync to prop both sides up

Bc once the ball starts rolling, the plot becomes a high-speed mystery concerning secret conspiracies and questions of who you can trust, what started out simple gets more information added on that complicates matters as you begin to question your own judgement, still what keeps the plot from becoming a jumbled mess is the fact at the heart of the story is always Tsukasa and Anzai, it gives the narrative focus that I’ve see few things series have

I should also mention my first impressions of the romance being shaken bc I am so used to series having couples who are love at first sight yet waste the entire time actually getting together until the end, and while these two basically also have love at first sight and take a while to actually get together, they get together in an overall timely manner, and their relationship is allowed to grow and evolve in very mature ways, not just sexually but also emotionally, a lot of their arc together is learning about how to communicate what they want to the other and as their relationship grows, their strength as individual characters grow as well

Now I’m gonna get into some spoilers, but what turned the series from simply fun into can’t put down is the timeskip

A lot of the elements that I enjoyed were being done before the time skip, but I feel like the skip is what allowed it to reach new heights it just kept hovering up at

Bc slowly as we start from Tsukasa and Anzai, the world expands, first to his colleagues, then to their enemies until it is a large but never burgeoning cast of connections, and the way they keep it all together is that it is grounded by lot of casual little moments to see people just be people, no matter their relation to the protagonists, we are consistently shown the humanity of almost everyone we come in contact with, and as a result it is hard to not fall in love with people who had previously tried to murder your faves (and might still currently be doing so)  and after the timeskip we just get hit with back to back side stories of the cast each going through their own internal problems, while still keeping to focus on Tsukasa and Anzai

Another thing that helps is that the worldbuilding concerning devil’s is extremely well-done, again it starts out simple “they see blood, then transform into monsters, sexual lust is connected to their bloodlust” but not only do we learn devil’s themselves, but a lot about what it means for a world to have a population like this, for example we get a detailed look into the tech created to help devil’s have safe sex with human partners and while it can be easy to poke fun at such specific details, by the end of the series it really does feel like an actual genetic disorder rather than some supernatural stuff with a sciency explanation tacked on

A moment that really made me stop and realize “oh the person behind this must know stuff besides story-telling” was when after and educational lecture about devils, the speaker admitted privately that the model used to describe them was problematic in that it demonized certain sects of devils, like wow, it was a quick moment, but a story showing the struggles of nuanced activism? Then we not only touch upon exploration of devil’s through a social science lens, but the overall philosophy that gets brought up on how to deal with institutional bigotry is interesting (this will be endgame spoilers so if you want to skip this, scroll down until you see bolded words again)

In two separate cases, we see two queer women involved in institutions get asked to do something unethical, both decide that if they refuse then they’ll get fired and someone else will simply take their place, and their goal then becomes to work through the system until they make it to the top and can start openly resisting

The effectiveness of these strategies is intriguing to dig through, the first is a researcher breeding devil/human children to study, (many of the participants being convicts) and from her actions we see her try and inform those involved to the best of her abilities and get their consent, and when possible, try to use couples who are already together, any information that would put individuals at risk of being chosen for illegal experimentation, she destroys, when she becomes the head researcher, she changes the program to rely completely on studying the children of already formed devil/human couples who come to them willingly

The second is asked to head the conspiracy of wiping out all devils, when ironically she is a devil herself, and so what they do is essentially play their part until they’ve amassed enough power to eventually stage a coup, until they can get an insider to be the prime minister to publicly reveal to the world, the conspiracy and have vocal support of devil rights, not only does this plan depend on the actual killing of innocents and riling up actual bigotry, but it also attracts actual cold-blooded killers and violent bigots which complicate matters, and for all their effort, the prime minister gets assassinated right during his big speech 

As I mentioned their is still one volume left untranslated so I don’t know how it will add on to this, (most of the plot lines got wrapped up so I can’t see many major developments happening beyond wrapping up character plot threads) but they’re some juicy thematic questions to chew on as well, which is always a treat

Returning to some general strengths of the series, there really is a genuine sex-positive stance, I say that specifically bc it isn’t just simply exploring themes of sex, but also the way it does so, as mentioned above, there is a lot of baggage around devil’s and their sexual relationships, but a lot of what the characters have to learn is that such desires are normal and not some great abomination, just something they have to be responsible about, no one is shamed for communicating what they want/like, especially women, where multiple female characters are in fact openly encouraged to communicate to their partners that they are interested in sex, and from their we watch multiple couples (including a m/m one) work out what they want, in one neither is interested in romance, but is ok with a friends with benefit thing, two have the male participant be unsure of their feelings and so they work in their comfort zone (one likes physical touch and kissing, another they only hug) the m/m couple not only get screen-time of struggling with the “are you gay, I want to show interest but not get perceived as a creep” deal, but one admits to being repulsed by sex, and they still work out a romantic relationship

And the most surprising amount part of this, is that there is no unnecessary titillation, the eternal question of what is over-sexualization and all can get confusing and tiring, so I won’t define a specific threshold here or say this is the only way to tell such stories about sex, but first you don’t got any unrealistic body proportions on anyone or any creepy shots, everyone is fully clothed and dressed normally for the non-sexy bits, and while we do get a sex scene, it is pretty non-graphic (you got boobs and that is all that it on screen) so there really isn’t any confusing moments like in other stories I’ve experienced where I have to wonder if the framing contradicts its message 

I could go on, but the strength of the story lies within at the end of the day being about normal people just trying to live their lives, it really does seem to capture the essence of what it means to be human effortlessly, and I am just immediately charmed and ready to follow Ryo Handa in whatever other projects she does

[pinkletterday]

In which Hussie says to hell with it and talks about all her slash WiPs even though she has no idea when they will be posted.

I love Olivarry and Coldflash. But my problem with reading those fics are that I miss Iris like a limb if she's not also part of Barry.

I felt the same way before I ever shipped Westallen, and I didn't even ship them for the longest time. Nor was I particularly interested in Iris as a character until sometime mid-way S3.

(It was when she burst into frightened tears in 3x9. Something in me immediately went PROTECC and it hasn't turned off since.)

I think it was more the sheer intensity of Barry's love for her that fascinated me. Not that a man fixating on a woman and obsessively pinning all his happiness on her is new or healthy phenomenon, but it was also deeper than that, character-wise. His love for her is so tied up in his self-definition, and the myriad ways their childhood bond helped mould their adult selves.

(And the fact that no matter how this love can change in nature, he will never be immune to appreciating her beauty and sexuality as a woman, which is so important to me as a slash fan and WoC. Seeing women be desexualized unless they're active romantic interests makes me want to scream. You can find people attractive af without wanting to bang them! It doesnt make you any less close! Not all close m/f relationships have to be sibling-like! Aargh!)

Regardless of how it came about, I need Iris to have that importance in Barry's life no matter who (else?) he's in love with. Which is why I started writing slash myself. It's a relief to me to know that she's there in every story I write, like a personal touchstone if nothing else. There you are my darling, you aren't forgotten.

Coldflash vs Olivarry polyam AU - Barry's love for Iris and the pain of her rejection is the springboard of the series. His struggle to reconcile with her over the years drives his character trajectory as much his love for Len and Oliver does. And there is so much she sees and evolves and goes through herself that the stupid boy cannot see until the very end, caught up in his own pain as he is.

The Assistant Verse - Barry and Iris are queerplatonic partners in a poly sexual relationship. Iris is the one who dolls up her boy in lipstick and booty shorts and sends him into Len's path in Paint It Red. Many years later, in Every Kind of Love, she descends wrathfully on Oliver from half a world away for doing her darling wrong, bringing her own broken heart for Barry to nurse.

This is one of the most wholesome Westallen relationships I have ever written, even though I'm pretty sure it will generate the least interest.

For The Good of the Realm - in the first draft Iris was Barry's first love and heartbreak pulled apart by politics, but in the second revision they're again queerplatonic partners and childhood best friends who call each other "soulmates". They had hoped to be married to each other and be kept safe from political matches. But then Barry becomes betrothed to High King Oliver and must be sent to Starling Court as the reluctant new Prince Consort, while Iris sets out on her mission to emancipate the tribes of the Middle Kingdom. They gift each other two halves of a magical "heartstone", a conduit of emotional resonance that connects two people across leagues of distance. In the fear, alienation and intrigue of the Starling Court, its Iris's love and safety that Barry holds onto, even while he falls in love with his husband.

Call Me By Your Name - Barry and Iris go to Greece in the summer before college, each hoping it will lead to a resolution to the magnetic push and pull they've been feeling for years. But when Barry meets and falls in love with Oliver and realizes he's gay, he is devastated at both breaking Iris's heart and not being in love with her. Because he really wants to be; she's always been his home and the future he's envisioned - to lose that terrifies him. It's a story about Barry and Oliver's sexual and romantic awakening, but also about how Barry and Iris manage to break down their own expectations of what it means to love one another forever and build something much truer and real.

A Stitch in Time is solidly Queenwestallen now. I was going to have Iris evolve into an undefined queerplatonic partner for Barry and Oliver but that ship is long gone.

For Love Or Money - Barry and Iris were childhood sweethearts and married young, Barry's tech startup and her career both took off. By their mid-twenties they should be the couple that has it all.

Except for Iris finally realizing she's ace and sex-repulsed. This is a terrible shock to both of them and not a small blow to Barry's self-esteem because she's the only woman he's ever been with. But they decide they're too in love to divorce and Iris tentatively suggests that Barry takes the opportunity to explore his interest in men, leading him to engage Oliver's services as an escort. Iris has to discover for herself what it means to be an asexual woman but Barry falling in love with Oliver is an issue they both have to deal with as a couple. Meanwhile Oliver has to reconcile the fact that not only is he falling for a client but one who is very much in love with his wife.

Mercury Rising - my Earth-13 Coldflash mob boss AU and oh is Iris ever there! This is my most delicious iteration of her - not as Barry's support but as his combatant, his antagonist and the eternal thorn in his side. Her unwitting role in Barry's betrayal that drives him to criminality, her bull-headed faith in the goodness of his character even in the face of his escalating violence, calling him to account every step of the way till he does the one thing she cannot forgive. The resulting single-minded determination to take her former best friend down without compromising her own moral code even as the undeniable magnetism between the two of them wreak havoc with their lives, and final realization that even after everything she can never give up on Barry Allen. Hate is truly just love with its back turned and what makes them tear each other to pieces even as it brings out their noblest and most human instincts.

Queen of Starling - On Earth 42, Beatrice Allen is adopted by Harrison Wells when her parents are murdered and taken away to Starling City - but even distance can't make her less in love with the best friend she left behind.

Here's the kicker of this story - Iris dies. Her death bisects Beatrice's story in two - the halycon days of her girlhood and the shattered trauma of the next fifteen years where she has to collect the pieces of herself out of her lover's grave to rebuild herself into the mother her children need, the superhero the world needs and to let herself love again.

The Awakening - Curse specialist Iris West and alchemist/ lore master Barry Allen are part of the Men of Letters team that go into a old cursed and haunted mansion to retrieve the Book Of The Dead, last known to have been in the hands of disgraced former Man of Letters and necromancer Eobard Thawne. The team is led by their chapter's chairman Harrison Wells, but the expedition is funded by eccentric millionaire and hunter Oliver Queen.

The blue-collar hunters and elitist Men of Letters don't trust Oliver, being seen as a mere hobbyist or thrill-seeker in the absence of any real tragedy or family legacy to put him on his path. But Iris distrusts him because she's the only one who can see his clear attraction to her best friend and childhood sweetheart Barry. Iris has spent her life as Barry's protector, himself being something of a pariah in the community due to his rumoured supernatural parentage and open empathy for the spirits and monsters they hunt. It's Iris that sees the way the house draws in both Barry and Oliver and the patterns of the hauntings that occur around them, she's the one who is as terrified for Barry's safety as Oliver as the house sucks them deeper into the tragedy of its past and she's the one that finally deduces how the malevolence of the house works and what it wants.

From Dusk Till Dawn - I think this is the story that has Iris in it the least. Eobard kidnaps Barry at age fifteen and subjects him to an experiment that backfires badly, leaving him dead and Barry with only a fraction of powers he was destined to have and no connection to the Speed Force. ARGUS immediately finds him and forces him to manufacture a rift with the Wests so they can claim him without suspicion, mould him into one of their operatives and train him to hunt the other metahumans Eobard created.

This is an Olivarry story where Barry rediscovers hope and love through his secret protection of Oliver. But its the memory of Iris's love and the happiness of their childhood that keeps him tethered to his humanity through the next eight years, it is her that he goes to the night before what he believes will be his final sacrifice ("You have always been the best part of me. Keep that part of me inside your heart and I can never die. Keep me and don't let me go, Iris"), it is her, after everything, that leads him home, and it is her that seeks out Oliver and asks him to help Barry heal.

This is not including my Coldwestallen fics The Scarlet Rose (Snow Queen/ Beauty and the Beast fusion) and The Adventures of Snart The Cat (Bastet turns Len into a cat and charges him with protecting Barry and Iris's unborn child).

So yes, I absolutely started writing slash because I missed Iris West. It's not just her though. None of the ladies are relegated to ship support. In the Polyam AU Lisa Snart specifically rips into Barry for ignoring her emotional needs as a friend while on the outs with Len, Oliver's fixation with Barry in Stitch in Time and resulting neglect of his friendship with Laurel has serious repercussions, Caitlin couldn't give less of a damn about Barry's romantic exploits in her incarnations as Killer Frost. Even in For The Good of the Realm where he's her foster brother and charge, Caitlin is more wrapped up in manoeuvring him away from court intrigue, legitimizing her own presence at his side and being a ball of identity issues. And I absolutely love my dark!Felicity AUs where she is outright antagonistic and disapproving of Barry's love interests and sometimes of Barry himself. In the Olivarry stories where she is supportive and sympathetic, Felicity and Oliver themselves still acknowledge their own romantic potential. Which means Barry and Oliver falling in love creates tension between the three of them, and the men have to learn how not to hurt her or take her support for granted while they figure themselves out.

The relationships between men and women in every flavour and intensity makes stories so much richer and deeper and three dimensional. I am done being conditioned as a woman to erase ourselves when we inhabit the bodies and stories of m|m men.