#and reflecting on how long it took for me to realise that just because i'm not attracted to or 'available to' men doesnt mean i should

[fitzrove]

tag rambles

[sturnsdarling]

teenage dirtbags, part one

a small collection of the times skater!matt and overachiever!reader realised they'd never be friends.

vibe check: flashbacks to childhood and high school, general loathing

1.2k words

A/N: i had this idea and couldn't get it out my head...i was trying to think of ways to establish the bad vibes and this was my best option.

introduction, part two , part three

love and cigs, merc

the first day of middle school

It was just gone 8, and you were walking down the beige path towards your new school, books tucked in your arms, hair tucked behind your ears and your cream sweater tucked into your pleated plaid skirt. You looked perfect, as always, and had spent hours making sure of it. This was a new beginning for you, the start of your real academic career (you were a very intense kid) , and you were taking it very seriously, despite being only eleven years old.

Your brogues splashed in the little puddles that had formed on the concrete, the shiny leather being undisturbed by the water as it rolled off its surface. From behind you, the sound of skateboard wheels rolled against the beige floor, broken up by periodical slaps of a van shoe against the ground.

The sound got closer, and you thought nothing of it, along with thinking nothing of the giant puddle that you were absentmindedly walking closer and closer to. A boy with messy brown hair, an ACDC t-shirt on over a white long sleeve and work trousers he definitely took from his dad was fast approaching behind you, headphones in and not a care in the world.

You approached the puddle at the same time, and just as you did, the boy sped through it, splashing dirty brown puddle water all over you, and partially himself.

you screamed in shock, it was everywhere, and you were filthy.

"oh, crap, I'm so sorry" Matt said as he halted his speed, the sound of your scream pulling him from his daze as he jumped off his board and ran back towards you.

"what is wrong with you" you screamed, looking down at your now filthy outfit.

"it was an accident, I didn't me-" Matt began to speak, brows furrowed like a sad puppy.

"get away from me" you spat, shooing him away as he attempted to pat out the brown stains with the sleeve of his top.

Matts face screwed up in annoyance, he placed his board back on the floor, and was gone in a flash.

8th grade History class

"The French and American revolutions were one and the same, they ran parallel to each other and were reflections of the worlds desperation to be free from British rule" Matt said, answering the teachers question.

your brows furrowed in disagreement, "thats not right" everyone in the class turned from Matt, to you.

"and why's that, y/n" Your teacher spoke up.

"because the french revolution started in 1789, ours happened over a decade earlier, so they couldn't have been parallel" You said, your teacher grinning at you "and the french revolution wasn't about the British, it was about peasant revolt, and the abolishment of the French monarchy" your cadence was thick with pride.

Everyone in the class turned to the teacher, waiting for them to confirm who was wrong and who was right.

"very good, y/n" She nodded, continuing with her slides on world revolutions.

Matt was glaring at you over his shoulder, face riddled with irritation, you simply smiled, raising your brows for a split second before looking away. Matt rolled his eyes, and turned his attentions back to the board.

Lunch, Sophomore year of high school

You were sat just behind the resident table of skaters, not your first choice but it was the only table left where you could sit alone and read without having to sit next to anyone.

They were being idiots, as usual, throwing stuff at each other and making awful jokes. One said something about how they wish food fights were still a thing, and another agreed, picking up their mash potato and humming it at Matts head. The whole able erupted into laughter, Matt included.

He took a hand full of his spaghetti, and pulled his arm back in preparation to throw it at his friend. Just as Matt let go of the wet, red noodles, his friend ducked out the way, and Matts handful of food was launched directly at you.

It splatted on your face, covering your clothes and book in red bolognese sauce. The whole cafeteria gasped, laughs erupting from every corner as Matts face was riddled with a shocked smile, trying his best to hold back his laughter.

"Matt!" You screamed, taking your fingers and raking them down your face, pulling the pasta off.

Matt chuckled, holding his hands up in surrender, "sorry, y/l/n, my bad"

You clenched your jaw, slamming your book shut, squishing the spaghetti and got to your feet.

"you are the most insufferable, idiotic, stupid, worthless boy, I have ever known" you borderline screamed, picking up your bags and storming out the cafeteria.

All his friends turned back to face him with looks of 'oh shit' spread across their faces, all holding back laughs.

Matt smiled through the sting of your words, trying to play it cool and act like he didn't want to run after you and apologise. Who cares, he hated you anyway.

In the hall, Freshman year of college

Matt was leant up against the wall, talking to a girl he barely knew about skateboarding, or something else that you really didn't care about. He was obviously flirting with her, and she was relishing in it, peppering his arm with touches and twirling her hair round her delicate fingers.

You and Matt had somehow ended up in the same college, and you despised him for it. He never even had to try, he was effortlessly good at things, being handed your dream life on a silver platter with a smug smile and a nonchalant attitude. From a distance, your distaste for the sight ahead of you would look like jealousy, it obviously wasn't, it was pure hatred, and despite your better judgement, you found yourself walking over to them.

"what're you doin' here, y/l/n" Matt said, annoyed at the sight of you.

You ignored him, placing your arm round the girls shoulder and talking directly to her.

"I wouldn't waste your time, girl, I heard he gave half the volleyball team chlamydia" You said, the lie rolling off your tongue effortlessly as you tried to hold back your smile.

The girl scoffed in disgust, looking Matt up and down as she walked away. Matt tried to defend himself, shouting out that you were lying and that he swore it wasn't true. His efforts failed and he turned to you with a clenched jaw.

You couldn't help but smile, your tongue pressed to your teeth as he glared at you.

"what the fuck is your problem" matt spat

you shrugged, "I was bored"

Matt scoffed, "you were bored, so you told the only girl who's shown interest in me in months that I have chlamydia?"

You giggled, and with another shrug, you walked away.

Matts whole face tensed, and he stuck both his middle fingers up at the back of your head. You turned back, knowing exactly what he was like and returned the favour, flashing your perfectly manicured middle finger at him with a smug smile.

taglist: @sturniozalt@mattslolita@shaquilles-0atmeal@blahbel668@sleepysturniolo@le4hsblog @sarosfilms @joemamaaa42069 @2muchofaslvt @seluky10 @cherib3lla @jetaimevous @witchofthehour @sofieeeeex @ncm9696 @lovesturni0l0s @pepsicola-pussy @ifwdominicfike @dani-sturn @stupendousjellyfishpost @aesthetixhoe @sturn-rose @mattsnronebitch

[wishing-on-a-staranise]

You, Me, Lonely.

(s.h. x reader)

from the river to the sea (educate yourself and help however you can)

Summary: you love Steve, Steve loves you. But maybe you both want different things from life.

Warnings/tags: reader menstruates (reader has uterus), abandonment issues, the ‘six nuggets’ talk, suggestive

Word count: 3.4k

masterlist

a/n: huge huge huge thanks to @procrastinationprincesses for helping me out with this fic and giving it an ending (ur amazing sanjana <3)

writing and posting something because i might have to go MIA for a lil bit (miss me while I'm gone will ya?)

fic is inspired by ‘You, Me, Lonely’ by FIZZ i absolutely love this song like its so close to my heart ughh what can i say I'm a little bitter about the six nuggets scene 

also if you couldn't tell already I have major abandonment issues and an anxious avoidant attachment style. It will reflect in what i write soz :(

In the quiet of the night, you wish for this to last forever. That you'll have him forever.

When you came out of the shower you found him asleep on his side of the bed. His side– the one closer to the door. ‘so I can protect you from anyone who'll try to steal you from me’, he had justified it when you asked him why he was adamant on that side.

you had turned off the bedside lamp ten minutes ago, slipped under the duvet, as quietly as possible so as to not wake him up. on your side of his bed. your bed.

He always sleeps on his stomach, one hand under his pillow and the other extended a little towards yours. His body moves with steady and slow breaths, back rising and falling under the covers, head peeking out from under the rumpled up duvet. his cheeks are squished against the pillow cover. His hair is a mess from the lack of hair product, and still damp from the shower he took before you. There's a few strands of his brown hair sprawled across his forehead too. With your softest touch you brush them away from his eyes.

You wonder what he was dreaming. you hope it was something nice. He looks calm, at peace, and very, very pretty.

You look at him and you know you love him. You want to love him forever.

Love had never seemed like the type of thing you’ll get– like it wasn't meant for you. But then you met him. This boy. This boy who you never thought to be your type. You never thought you even had a type. But his boyish charm and stupid grin won you over.

Your heart doesn't skip beats around him anymore, and you’d think that that means he doesn’t have that same effect on you anymore but that would be wrong. You don’t think you’ve ever loved anyone as much as you do to him. You don’t look at him and get butterflies in your stomach, you look at him and… you’re sure. your heart is quiet and sure. You don't think you’ve ever been sure before.

You want to be sure forever.

He feels like the comfortable still of rain after a scorching hot summer, like the calm and cold breeze that cools you down. Like standing at the top of the mountain, looking at the clouds and valleys below, he feels like the crisp air that fills your lungs. Like the comfort meal your mom makes– the one you can never really recreate, the one that tastes the best when it comes from her. 

You love him and you know. You know. You know he likes you, loves you even. 

Steve Harrington loves you like a dream, and you're worried that one day he’ll wake up, look at you and realise that he deserves so much better. He’ll wake up and he’ll leave for work and he’ll bump into a pretty angel of a girl with a disposition as bright as his. And he’ll never return. people fall out of love. People fall out of love all the time.

You wish for him to love you forever.

How long is a forever anyway?

You wonder what it'll be like. When you're older, with wrinkles, white hair and weaker limbs. 

It's like you see it.

You and him in a bed– just like now but older, wiser, more tired. His back turned to you. There'd be distance between you two, you’d want to move closer and hold him– but you wouldn't. You’d just stare at the back of his head, counting all the grey hairs you’d memorised like all the moles and wrinkles on his skin.

You’d notice his breathing, the rise and fall of his chest and you would have known him so long and so well that you'd just know that he wasn't actually asleep. you'd know why he wasn't asleep.

there'd be a pain in your chest. You would know what it is, why its there. You would gulp and try not to think about it.

“Do you always stare at me in my sleep?” his groggy voice pulls you out of your own head.

You blink, multiple times. Forever, right.

He softly smiles up at you. You blink away before moving to lay on your back, the sheets rustling with your movement. “sorry I woke you up”, you mumble an apology, staring at the ceiling, you fail to hide the shake in your voice.

“Y’kay?” 

“Yeah.” the sheets beside you ruffle but you keep your eyes trained on the ceiling. it seems inevitable. You know, one day it'll happen and despite having expected it, it’ll be the greatest heartbreak of them all. 

“Thinking ‘bout somethin’?” he sounds a bit more awake.

“When am I not?” you shake your head and laugh hoping he doesn't notice that it isn't real, thankful that the curtains didn't let in any moonlight and that you had turned off the lights.

“What is it?” but this is Steve, he doesn’t need to see you to know how you’re feeling.

“Nothing.”

“Were you lying about liking the pasta I made?”

“No, Steve it was good”, a real laugh slips out of you, and you finally look at him. He’s leaning on his elbow, the messy head of hair in his hand, looking down at you. You suddenly wish it wasn’t so dark so you could see the colour of his eyes, the moles and freckles on his skin.

“Then what?”

“Nothing.” your gaze moves back to the ceiling.

“Must be something if it's keeping you up”, you feel him shift closer to you. He smells of fresh shower, mint, shaving cream and washed laundry. 

“No, I'm just….  not sleepy.”

“Yeah?”, he raises his eyebrows with a sly smirk, “Well, I know a way to make you sleepy”, he leans down– both arms caging you in, landing a kiss on your neck before trailing further up to your lips. and its lovely, so god damn lovely, you don't want it to stop but this hurts.

“Ste– mmph– Steve stop”, you turn your face away, because if he keeps going, you think you'll cry, palm pushing flat against his bare chest, “I’m– I'm not in the mood.”

“Okay, I'm sorry”, he moves back onto his one elbow. The silence gestates for a while, you can feel his eyes on you. The ticking of the clock is the only thing heard through the room before he softly says, “Hey, please tell me what's happening?”

“Nothing”, you shook your head, “I’m just tired.”

“You just said you're not sleepy.”

“J– just go back to sleep okay? sorry for waking you up”, you turn onto your side, face away from him. 

He sidles up behind you after a second or two, warm breath across the back of your neck, you squeeze your eyes shut. “yeah, like that's gonna put me to sleep", he mutters behind you.

His arms snake around your waist, pulling you in closer, “C'mon, you know I wont be able to sleep after fighting”, burying his nose in your hair– he sighed.

“Did you just sniff my hair?”

“Yeah, I do all the time. smells s’good."

"You pervert", you both laugh lightly at that, your hand going for his around your waist, before your smiles fall and silence takes over once again. 

You lick your drying lips, you forgot to put on lip balm again, “We’re not fighting, Steve.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

You take in a deep breath in, fingers drawing patterns on the back of his hand, you breath out, “m’sorry.”

His arms squeeze tighter around you, he lets out a quick sigh before placing a kiss on your shoulder, “I’ll forgive you if you tell me what’s going on with you.”

“Steve…”, your voice trails off, you're not even sure what you were going to say.

“Is it— Is it your…. Uh, that time of the month?”

That makes you want to roll your eyes at him and smack his chest but you restrain yourself, you’re not sure if you want him to see your eyes right now anyway. Instead, you sigh,  “I had it last week, Steve.”

You got it in this very same bed. Awoken by cramps in the middle of the night. and Steve, your lovely Steve had given you a hot water bag while he took off the sheets and put on fresh new ones and then gave you a soft massage that put you to sleep.

“right... yeah, sorry," he says all sheepish, “So what is it then? Did someone say somethin’ at work?”

“No.”

“Did I.. " he hesitated a little, "did I say something?”

“...no”, you curse yourself for pausing before saying it.

“I did, didn't I?”

“No, no. you–”

“honey, you should tell me if I ever say stupid shit– you should call me out immediately–”

“You didn't say anything stupid or whatever. I'm the one who's being stupid.”

his hold on you loosened, he shifted back to give you space to turn around, “What did I say? Hey, look at me,” you finally turn in his hold, facing him “what did I say?”

“We’d have the cutest little kids, won't we?”

“..what?” You stood infront of the kitchen sink. your hands stopped their scrubbing at the pot you were washing. You tilted your head towards him who had his head rested on your shoulder, his arms around your waist.

“Little Harringtons”, you could hear the smile on his lips.

“Harringtons?”

“Or maybe we get our names hyphenated. That works too, it’d be cute”, his hands hold your waist, his duty of drying the plates abandoned. “They’d have my fabulous hair, and your pretty, pretty eyes– cutest kids around the block”

“Our kids?” you repeated dumbly.

“Yeah, and six of ‘em. six little nuggets. They’ll make up half of a football team”, he giggled, warm air hitting the side of your face, “Doesn’t that sound lovely?” he smiled at you.

“...yeah. Yeah, it does.” you smiled back at him which only made him grin wider. His arms tighten around you again, and lips start a trail from behind your ears to down your neck.

You scoffed softly "You’re supposed to help me wash dishes you filthy animal." 

“Oh, fine,” he gave you an over dramatic sigh, before his hands left your sides, skin feeling lonely as ever.

“No, it's fine. I’m almost done anyway", you went back to scrubbing at the bottom of the pot, "Just go and take a shower, you reek.”

“Alright, fine, I’ll go!” he groaned, playfully as a kid, before he leaned against the counter, looking at you with his ‘Harrington charm’. His voice is silky when he asks, “Will you join me?”

“Steve." you said it almost as a warning.

“I don’t hear a no.”

“Okay then, no.”

“Tomorrow morning…?”

“I have an early shift tomorrow, you horndog.”

“We'll make it work.”

“No.”

“Okay", he sighs, “come up quickly though, I wanna be the big spoon today”, pecking your cheek before leaving for the shower upstairs.

Looking at him, you brush the now mostly dry hair falling on his forehead, tucking it behind his ear. Your fingers lingered there, you smile, “nothing, Steve.”  your thumb rubs back and forth on the apple of his cheeks. “You didn’t say anything. it's stupid.”

His hand reaches up to hold your fingers in place, he turns his head a little to kiss your knuckles, “okay, I didn't say anything” he kisses your knuckles again, gaze stuck to your face, “but could you tell me what it is you think you’re being stupid about?”

God, I love him, you think. “Don't worry about it”, your voice barely a whisper as you attempt to give him a smile. You move closer, planting a slow kiss on his lips which are so much softer than yours– he never forgets his chapstick.

And god, you needed this, your brain stops when you kiss him. thoughts quelled and its quiet again. After some time though, your throat starts to burn and your chest is on the verge of a sob. So, when you pull away, you fail to hide the stuttered breath that you take in.

Steve knew there was something to worry about, but when he hears your breath that almost sounds like a sob, he’s immediately on high alert. Before he can brush your hair out of your face to look at you, really look at you, you bury your face in his chest.

It takes him a second to realize that you’re crying and it breaks his heart because you’re trying to hide it.

“Baby..” he feels you curl in further, your face warm against his skin. He moves to pull you in closer, palm holding the back of your head. He just wanted to take away whatever it was that was bothering you. He tried to pull away to get a look at your face to help you calm down but you wouldn't let him. He settles on carding his fingers through your hair, rubbing circles on the little sliver of exposed skin between your t-shirt and shorts, hoping it gives you some sort of comfort.

"Honey", it is then that you finally let in a shaky breath. he feels the skin where you hid your face get wet maybe with tears, sweat, snot, he didn't care-- he just wanted to take all your pain away.

You both stay that way, and you're suprised by how much you sob, how hard you heave. You weren't sure how long you stayed that way, maybe minutes, maybe hours, however long. It feels like forever.

At this moment, encased in Steve's arms, breath hot against his skin, despite the nose plugged with snot, lashes clumped with tears, eyes squinted shut, you think this is comfortable. Yet it hurts. Because you'll have to pull away. It hurts so damn much because you know how this can go, you know it can hurt so, so much more. You know it will hurt.

You want this to last forever, however fucking long one of those is.

So, you hold on longer because, you’re selfish with your love for Steve. You're selfish because despite the heartache, you’ll have him, for as long as you can.

His hold on you gentle yet firm, as if afraid he'd break you. In your head, he already had. He tries to pull away again, to look at you but you can't. Your eyes still squinted close, willing it all to be a stupid dream. “Honey, I promise you whatever it is, you can tell me”, he says, voice soft as feather. Of course it's not a dream.

Your tongue betrays you, “Its…s–” stupid. Silly. It really doesn't feel stupid or silly, but god, you're so scared that you can't say it, you didn't want to say it because if you do it’ll come true, wont it?

“Whatever it is that you think is stupid," he assured you as if he could read your mind, "I still want to hear it because I know I won't think it's stupid."

suddenly it burns, and you need air. you sit up and try not to think about how ridiculously not pretty you probably look with snot running down your face, “What if- what if we- we end up hating each other?” you manage to say through hiccups.

“What?” he sits up as well, he says as if you had said the most ridiculous thing, “I'll never hate you, honey.”

For some reason, tears fill your eyes again at that, “Steve, you don’t know that.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“No. Ste– people fall out of love, Steve- all the- all the time.” It terrifies him how convinced you sound of it.

“Do..... do you think you’ll fall out of love with me?”

The question startles you, its evident in your wide eyes, “Wha– what?”

“Do you think… you’ll fall out of love with me?" he repeats, "You think you’ll hate me?”

You shake your head, the tear that had been sitting on your lower lash finally slides down your already tear-stained cheek.

“Good." he wipes the wet trails left behind with his thumb, "then, why would I hate you?”

Your face twists into an expression that Steve wasn't sure what to describe it as. a deep frown on your lips, chin wobbly, brows scrunched up together, eyes red and tired yet nostrils flared. “‘Cause", you start but before you could continue another sob leaves you. you look down at your lap, trying to catch your breath. it takes you a minute before you begin again, "do you remember.... what you said about our kids?”

He nods, heart clenching at the way your voice breaks, “I don't think I can… do that”, he doesn't think he's ever heard you sound so broken. “I– I don't think if I– if I want that.”

He sits silent and you think this is it. maybe forevers aren't that long after all.

More tears fall, more sobs leave you, you don't bother to wipe them. What's it matter anyway? He hates you already. He's probably thinking of a way to let you down easily because he is kind like that “Honey.. I want a family..” you feel your heart ripping in two and you just can't look at him.

“And I want you to be a part of that family. I– I want you to be the person I built a family with, no matter the size." He wipes at both your cheeks again, making you look at him, "even if its just us.”

The relieved smile he expected from you isn't there, instead, you frown, the crease between your brows deepens. the part that hurt the most was that you push his hands away, “you’re saying that now, but what happens when years down the line, when we’re old, you– you end up resenting me. Y- you love me right now, I know. But how do you know you wont end up hating me like, ten years later?”

“I dont want to watch you grow old and hate me and then leave me, Steve. I’d rather end this now if we’re destined to just end up unhappy together.”

“We’re not. Okay? We’re not. I know I wont hate you, ever.” He reaches for your hands again. He kisses your fingers before continuing, “And I know that I want you, just you and whatever that– that that comes with. We could never have kids and I would never hate you for it.”

“You won't be happy", you say meekly, like he'd be mad at you for speaking what was on your mind to him, “You wont hate me but you wont be happy either”, you muttered, chin ducked into your chest.

“Honey”, he hooks a finger under your chin, tilting your head to make you look at him, to make you understand. “you’re what I need to be happy. You make me happy. And.. I’d hope you need me to be happy too”, a wet chuckle escapes you at that. A hint of a smile on your face despite the tears.

“You do, don’t you?” he clarified with a soft smile of himself.

You nod, "yeah", letting out a loud sniffle.

“Good. I know its scary but you’ve gotta put your trust in me. Trust me enough to believe in me when I say that you are what makes me happy. and I am happy."

He wipes away gently at your face, ridding it of the tear stains, “Sometimes, you’ve just gotta trust. I promise I’ll never break it.” 

You sob again but it's lighter than before, you wrap your arms around his neck and feel the weight you felt get lifted, you sniffle into the crook of his neck, "thank you."

You feel his lips on your hairline, "Let's go back to sleep, yeah?"

"Yeah. You still wanna be the big spoon?"

"yeah, I think you need to be the little spoon today." he pulls you down with him, your back to his chest, kissing the skin behind your ear he finally settles in beside you.

You call out his name, he hums in response. "how long do you think a forever is?"

"I don't know, honey."

"Can we stay like this forever?"

"Um.. if you mean us staying forever then yes, definitely forever. But, if you meant me being the big spoon forever, baby, I'm not sure if I'll be able to commit to that."

You laugh, "I love you." you confess.

"I love you too."

[starryglitterdreams]

starry rambles #1...

it took me so long to realise how simple the law is. but nonetheless i am glad i am no longer the previous version of myself and i have moved on from it.

after overconsuming information, overcomplicating shit, constantly being stuck in a slump, getting triggered by doubts, being obsessed with the void state, being shackled by my past & fearful of the future etc., it just hit me that all i need to do is to be faithful to my imagination and treat it as the only reality. the 3d means absolutely nothing because it's just a malleable ass mirror reflecting my imagination.

the old me would have still been looking for "results" in the 3d, "trying" to see "changes" in the 3d, basically doing everything except changing my imagination, the 4d. looking back it was so foolish of me but it's okay, i'm glad i realised and picked myself back up.

[noisycroissant]

Meus Amor (Part 1)

Read part 2 here

SoftDom!Ascended Astarion x Reader

(This was previously called Amica Mea till a dear reader corrected me. Also, I cannot write him as an asshole. I tried, it simply will not materialise 😔)

You could hear his footsteps getting closer and closer to the grand oak door of your bed chamber. The long hallway outside was mostly empty save for a few candelabra and paintings, the entire bed chamber was in a separate wing of the castle.

He'd designed it that way for privacy.

"I don't want anyone else to hear those pretty moans you sing for me, pet," he'd cooed when you'd asked about the odd placement of your chambers, "For my ears and eyes only."

The doors swing open as Astarion strides in. "Come to me, my sweet. I have a gift for you. Took forever for the jeweller to deliver, but I am rather pleased with how it turned out," he says as he walks towards the bed, stripping off his clothes along the way.

He sits on the bed, shirtless, pale skin glowing in the candlelight. Placing a jewellery box on the bed, he takes your hand and pulls you to sit beside him.

"Another piece of jewellery, Astarion? Gods, you do realise I only have one neck. I cannot possibly wear every necklace you've gotten me already!" you tease.

"I thought you'd prefer the sparkling rocks cover up all the ways I've marked that lovely neck, darling," he teases back, "I know you're not an exhibitionist."

Your cheeks turn the slightest shade of pink at his comment. All this time, and you'd think you'd run out of shame but no, his teasing will always have the blood rushing to your face.

"Open the box, I want to see how it looks on you."

You open the box to see a simple circlet of gold on a velvet cushion. There's a clasp at the back. And a simple locket dangling from it.

"I have to admit, this is one of the more tamer pieces you've gotten me," you say, picking up the circlet, confusion on your face.

"You're so going to regret your choice of words, my love," he laughs out as he takes the circlet from your hands and moves behind you to help you put it on.

You hold up your hair as he clasps it into place. The locket is against your throat. The circlet is a tighter fit than you'd thought it would be.

Almost like a collar.

He wouldn't...

"Oh yes I would, because I did," he whispers in your ear, "My gorgeous pet, would you wear this for me? Only when it's just us?"

"What does the locket say?"

"Take a look in the mirror. See for yourself," he passes you a handmirror.

Meus Amor

My beloved

Astarion lifts the locket with his fingers, his face close to yours, "Meus amor, would you wear this for me?"

You take a moment to look at his face. Anticipation, love...and hunger reflect in his eyes. For you.

Your heart flutters as you hear yourself say, "Yes, Astarion, for you, I would."

His lips are on yours the second you finish speaking. A hungry depraved kiss, his tongue stroking yours, his fangs catching your lower lip. You moan into his mouth and he leans you to your back, his knee moving to spread your legs as you lie down.

"You never stop surprising me, my love," he confesses quietly, moving to your shoulder. You feel his fangs prick the tender skin as he says, "I'm going to make you sing till dawn, sweetheart. I hope you're ready."

[underoospeterparker]

🪸 CORALS - send me a character + an au (rockstar!sirius, bodyguard!james, etc) and i'll write a blurb!

now i would love to see your take on bodyguard!tasm peter 🤭

i got ur back!! (in this fic, their relationship isn't really specified but you can assume that they're dating but no one knows hehehe)

bodyguard!peter parker x fem!reader - mcu!peter / tasm!peter, unspecified

At a ball, everyone dressed up. No matter whether they were counts or dukes, princes or heirs, they were either in dresses or suits, and there was absolutely no exception.

You glanced at your reflection in the mirror, smoothing your hair down with a hand as you realised just how different you were from two months ago, and you weren't just talking about your appearance.

Your entire life had been flipped over the moment your landline had rang in your service apartment at three in the morning. You'd reluctantly crawled out of bed, an annoyed frown on your face. It disappeared immediately when you received the news that your father, who you'd never met, had been assassinated, and that you needed to return back to his kingdom, which you'd never even known existed, to become a princess.

Now, everything was surreal. Completely unreal. The crown may have looked glamorous from the outside, but it sure wasn't the same on the inside. Apart from a few exceptions, of course. Peter, for one, Beatrice, your father's old maid, and Queen Cordelia, your grandmother.

When you stared at yourself a second too long, Peter spoke up. "Are you okay?" His voice was soft, gentle, as it had always been when he spoke to you. He knew exactly what you'd been through, and you him, even though he wasn't supposed to have told you anything about his own life. You'd promised him you'd keep his story a secret: not that he had ever doubted you, anyway.

You nodded, giving him a bright smile as you turned around. He offered you his arm, which you gladly took, learning into him. "I'm okay," you whispered, more of a reassurance to yourself than to him.

When Peter was sure no one was looking, he pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head. "You're okay," he repeated.

As soon as you entered the ballroom, you were subject to bright lights, tall glasses of champagne, and maddening people you were forced to talk to and form relationships with under the instruction of your grandmother. You made your rounds cautiously, a welcoming smile on your face. It was completely false, though, which Peter knew, because he knew your expressions far too well. He knew you far too well.

You curiously watched as a man in all black and a hood covering his head entered the room. He was dressed unlike anyone else there; informal, casual. Peter mirrored your expression. The man eyed the room until he saw you, and he paused, frowning. He moved to pull something out of his pocket, and you stilled when you realised it was a gun that he was holding.

The guards surrounded him, holding him down, but he was quick to fight, and he pointed the weapon straight at you.

Two shots fired. That was all it looked for Peter to throw himself over you, shielding your body with his own. You clamped your hands over your ears, heart thumping, whole body shaking under his.

"I need backup immediately," he murmured into his hand, eyes scanning the crowd for the perpetrator. "Phoenix is under attack. The threat needs to be neutralised. I repeat, the threat needs to be neutralised." Upon a word of agreement from whoever was on the other side of the line, Peter's attention turned swiftly to you. He surveyed your surroundings carefully, and when he believed it was safe, he held out a hand to pull you up away from the crowd, all shaking in their crouched positions.

Peter held out a hand for you to hold as he pulled you up and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, hurrying you away from the eyes of the crowd and into a small closet.

Peter sat you down on the floor, then turned to lock the door. He returned to you, his lips turning downward when he noticed your teary eyes. He crouched down in front of you, his expression soft.

When you let out a half-suppressed sob, he cooed at you gently, as if you were a wounded animal. "Oh, honey," he murmured, pulling you into his chest. "It's okay now, you're safe," Peter whispered, his large, warm hand cradling your head. You trembled under him, tears spilling from your eyes. "You know I've always got you, okay? No matter what."

"'t was so loud," you cried, the explanation lost in your throat, "and I was so scared." He frowned at you sympathetically, then pressed a kiss to your forehead. You paused, knowing he'd interpreted what you said wrong. "Not for me, though," you added.

He sighed, a pleasant sound that warmed your scratchy throat. "The Queen has her own men," he reassured you, "and Beatrice isn't even in the Palace today, sweetheart. They're okay."

"I wasn't only scared for them, Pete," you whispered, turning your attention towards him. "I was scared for you."

Your bodyguard looked completely shocked. You giggled wetly at his expression, then rushed to justify yourself. "Peter, you put yourself on the front line every single day," you whispered, your smile vanishing, "and I can't help but wonder if one day, you're not gonna come back to me."

Peter face fell. He tugged you closer to him, wanting to bury himself in your scent. "I'll always come back to you," he murmured. "No matter what."

You gave him a soft smile, curling yourself into his hold. Slowly, your eyes drifted shut, clearly exhausted. Peter allowed himself a moment to just stare at you, mesmerised. When your breathing evened out, he whispered, "How did I ever deserve a girl like you?"

[wileys-russo]

mary earps ; “this is a very different side of you.” ; carnival

mary earps

"hi baby." you answered your phone with a smile seeing your girlfriends name and contact photo flash on the screen, tucking it between your ear and your shoulder as you tapped away at your laptop.

"hiya! hows work?" the girl chirped happily. "its been a long week, very excited that its friday." you answered honestly making mary chuckle. "not too tired for date night?" mary asked to check in, well aware your job could be rather demandng.

"of course not, thats been whats getting me through." you smiled as your girlfriend did so too on the other end of the line. "so will you tell me what we're doing then?" you asked with a playful tone, the footballer purposefully withholding her plans all week.

"nope! but i'll pick you up at seven, dress comfy and warm." "but mary i-" "trainings back gotta go. i love you!"

and with that the call ended with a beep.

sure enough she was right on time, knocking on your door right on seven as you put in your other earring and rushed to the door. "well hello beautiful!" mary whistled as you did, a laugh leaving your mouth as she wrapped you in a tight hug lifting you up.

"aren't you a sight for sore eyes." the taller girl exhaled, putting you back down on your feet as the two of you exchanged a few sweet kisses. "sorry love, works been insane lately." you sighed in apology, admittedly having seen her a lot less than usual the last two weeks.

"no need to be sorry. you're here now, i'm here now, lets not waste time reflecting on the past when we weren't together mm?" mary smiled sweetly, her hands gently falling either side of your face and bringing your mouth to meet hers once again as you swooned.

"but why won't you just tell me!" you groaned slumping into your seat making mary laugh as she still refused to disclose where the two of you were headed. "do you know how hard it was to get ready for a destination i don't know?" you huffed sending her a pointed look.

"well you look gorgeous." the goalkeeper flashed you a charming smile as you couldn't help but allow the corners of your mouth to turn upward. "shut up charmer."

"you can stop being stroppy now we're here anyway." mary turned a corner as your eyes lit up realizing just where she'd taken you. "why didn't you just tell me!" you punched her arm as she whined and pulled into a parking space.

"because mystery is romantic!" mary grinned, hurrying to open your door for you, stealing a kiss as you slipped out of the car and took her hand. "no! i asked you out, its my turn." mary protested as you quickly paid both your entry fees into the manchester annual winter carnival.

"snooze you lose earps, thought goalkeepers were supposed to have quick reflexes?" you teased walking backwards as mary scoffed. "oh is that so?" the girl challenged as you nodded, grins on both your faces as she launched at you, chasing after you as the two of you giggled like children.

it didn't take long for her hand to grab yours and pull your body into a tight hug, the two of you kissing for a moment with a smile. "come on, reckon i can beat you at a game or two before we eat." mary challenged.

"oh you're on babe."

"yes! loser." you accepted your third prize in a row from the attendant, waving it in marys face who took it off you with a scowl, tucking it under her arm along with the others as you practically skipped off to the next game.

"loser buys dinner and drinks?" you challenged with a grin, mary rolling her eyes. "i already said i'm buying!" she chuckled with slight amusement, paying the game attendant as you grabbed a basketball.

"fine, if i win then i get to pay." you smiled smugly, twirling the basketball around on your finger with a wiggle of your eyebrows. "what happened to the girl who laughed at everything i said and blushed every time i smiled at her? bring her back." mary sighed dramatically as you rolled your eyes.

"she realised that the great euro winning goal saving golden glove wielding mary earps is simply...a human who is very very bad at carnival games." you smirked.

"you know this is a very different side of you, i'm not sure how i feel about it. might be a bit annoyed, might be a bit turned on." mary admitted making you laugh.

"well which is it then?" "mm lets see if you can sink this shot and then i'll decide."

[herecirmsims]

Questions For Storytellers

I have (I think) finally caught up on my list of poses to make, so I wanted to do something a little fun (for me, not for anyone else LMAO) and entirely self-indulgent. I read stories and tell my own over on Instagram, but of course it's harder to post long-form text like this over there.

Special thanks to @freezerbnuuy as I'm copying their post. ❤️

What’s the last screenshot you’ve taken for your story?

This is from the middle of my last post, but it's the last screenshot I took because I went back and added this scene in after finally caving and making my own stupid poses for it hahah.

2. Describe your story in three words or less: Needlessly long tbh

3. Describe (insert character here) in three words or less: Uhhh I'll pick Saxen since he's my MC... wet cat energy (which I think is something @nefaricussims said actually??). Or "90s cocaine chic" as @southernsimmin so beautifully described him. 🤣

4. How did you choose the name of your story? It's called The Cottage because it's... based in and around a cottage. 🥲 I have a very imaginative mind!! 🤣 But also, the cottage plays an important role throughout the whole story and especially in the upcoming finale.

5. How do you choose your characters’ names? My Sim story is based on a novel I never had the confidence to finish - in that version, Sax is an ælf based on Anglo-Saxon belief. I made him a vampire in Sims because that was the only pack I owned at the time, besides base game, and for gameplay purposes I thought vamp put him close to how I imagined him. I now realise I could have easily used CC and my own damn imagination to make him an ælf but I didn't know much about CC at the time, either. 🤣 Because of this, the original story leant into fae lore and the stuff about never revealing your true name. Saxen isn't his real name anyway, but for an added layer it also isn't spelt how you might imagine if you heard it spoken. The same for Thom and Jac who are also characters who came over from the 'original'.

6. How long have you been working on your story for? A little over three years! I have learned soooo much in that time.

7. Whats the biggest risk you’ve taken with your story? Did it pay off? I dunno that I've taken any risks, other than putting it out there in the first place.

8. What about your story are you proud of? I think the fact it exists at all. I've been writing stories since I was a kid, but at some point I lost confidence in myself and have never finished anything/wanted to share it with people because I end up overthinking and deleting it. So I am proud of myself for having maintained a continuous story for three years, and for having other people read it. I think because there was no pressure with a Sims story - with a novel I kept thinking, this has to be perfect and polished so that I can publish it someday. With a Sims story, I'm free to just write the silly tropes I enjoy and allow myself to suck and learn and get better at it.

9. What about your story are you looking to improve on? I read a fantastic article about ma - including pauses in your visual storytelling, space for the characters to sit and breath and reflect. It's ma that makes Ghibli movies so wonderfully distinctive. Being able to make my own poses means that I can show a character's expression or body language in response to a situation, without the need for overlaying text. I'm trying really hard to move away from the "talking heads" style that reads more like a script, and letting the visuals tell the story for me instead. I'm not very good at it because I enjoy my blah blah, but it's fun to try!!

10. Is your story fully planned or are you still working things out? Is there a definitive end? I'm approaching the end of it now, which has been planned for the last three years, so yes - I know pretty much everything that's going to happen. Sometimes the characters still throw a little surprise for me though.

11. Why have you decided to tell this story? Are there any messages or meanings within it? When I got the Sims almost 4 years ago, I had absolutely no idea that there was a) a whole community around it or b) that people used it for storytelling. I'd already made Sax, Thom, and Jac in the game, because I'd wanted to see them come to life during gameplay. Then I discovered poses and started sharing random staged screenshots on Instagram, and became friends with the exceptionally talented TheSimmerKay (now making machinimas!) who showed interest in my silly little characters and suggested that I try telling a story too. I owe her a lot!! As for messages and meaning... I'm very interested in what makes people do the things they do, and how the hero of a story often depends on whose POV we're hearing the story from. There's a fine line between hero and villain sometimes, and a hero acting out of love can cross from protectiveness into control.

12. Do you actually play the game or do you just use it as a storytelling medium? Yep - I have a designated story save, which is the one I take all my screenshots in and which never has gameplay. Then I have a Happy Ever After save for Sax and Fen and another save for for my Globetrotter Challenge Sim, both of which are gameplay only. I think it's important to have that outlet; I can work on my story, make poses, or just play the game, depending on what I fancy.

13. From basic planning to a finished post, how long does that take you? 2-3 evenings. I tend to get everything laid out and text added, then let it sit for a day because I inevitably think of a way to do something better if I give it chance to breath. 🤣

14. Do you have any regrets about your story so far? If you could go back in time, how would you fix these? Not regrets, really, but there are some threads that I put in - fully intending to complete them later in the story - but never did, due to them just not fitting with the story or wanting to try and bring things to an end sooner. But similarly, there are times when I was going to put in a little hint or foreshadowing in and didn't, and then later in my story have wished I had! The tricky part of serialised storytelling is you have to just live with what you have (or don't have), you can't go back and remove or add scenes like you would with a drafted novel.

15. What have been the highlights of creating your story? I've met so many incredible people due to it, oh my goodness. Truly extraordinary Simmers who've shared their time and knowledge with me. We have a little mutual reading group on Insta where we all read and geek out over each other's stories and it's just wonderful. I was honestly shocked when i went to other platforms and realised how much drama there can be in the Sims community. 🤣

16. What about the process do you enjoy? Not that I don't enjoy the process... but I mostly love it when it's finished and I can share it, hahaha.

17. What about the process do you hate? I don't hate any of it... it's a hobby and I do it because I enjoy it. That being said, it does fuck me off when I have multiple Sims in a scene, everyone is in place and has poses queued, and then MCCC Dresser FREEZES MY GAME NOOOOOOOO WHY

18. Choose a song that reminds you of your story:

This is the unofficial theme... specifically this version in Old English, which is Saxen's first language. "It's our destiny then to find love again / Where we failed once before now we'll win"

19. Choose a song that reminds you of (insert character here):

Another one for Sax I guess because he's special. 😌🤣 "But you, a cinder of the fire that's yet to come / Will you just sit and mourn this fragile thing that you've become / Or instead will you consume the very things you can't outrun / Until you finally see all of the strength that you draw from?"

20. Choose your favourite shot from your story so far: Hmmm I think this one, which was me being lazy and reusing a screenshot from an older scene during a flashback-style narration. 🤣 I was trying to achieve something else with the editing but did this by accident and liked it.

21. Choose your least favourite shot so far: Too many to pick from LMAO

22. Choose a favourite character from your story so far: Sax, obviously, he's my lil chew toy/punching bag. But then there's also Idris, for whom I only wish the best. She's going through some trouble right now and I don't enjoy it. It's much more fun to bully Sax.

23. Choose your least favourite character so far: I don't have one! Although Vlad makes me deeply uncomfortable tbh. I find him to be a really creepy villain, and unlike any of my other villains, he's not in any way misrepresented or redeemable. I'm using a makeover version of him by WistfulCastle (I would link, but I don't think he's available anymore?)!

24. Are there any characters who remind you of yourself? No... well. Whenever baby El randomly info-dumps on a niche subject, that's mostly me taking advantage of a captive audience to tell them about karkadanns or medieval torture items or dead bodies on Everest. 🥲

25. What inspirations have you drawn on for your story? I honestly don't know - I can't name anything that I've consciously drawn on, though I know for sure I must have. Funnily enough people have told me things like "oh that's like in Vampire Diaries" or "that's like that part in the Harry Potter films" and I haven't watched either of those, so I think what's happening is we're all drawing from the same well of folklore and mythology and trope. There is occasional story drama about being copied and the thing is... unpopular opinion alert... many of us aren't as unique as we think we are. 😅 What we are unique at is taking a trope and telling it in our own distinctive way. No one else can tell your story quite like you can.

26. Have other sim stories inspired you? I have soooo many talented friends who inspire me to do better when it comes to visuals and storytelling!! @callmedomino is the queen of silent storytelling and a huge inspiration on my journey to discover ma. I really love how well she can tell a story with no words.

27. What genres would you describe your story as? I call it rural fantasy lmao

28. If you could reproduce your story in another medium (movie, novel, comic, etc.) what would you choose and why? I mean obviously I'd say movie because HOW COOL would that be?! Especially an animated one!

29. What would your story’s rating be? (G, PG, M etc.) Ummm probably M because there is the occasional spicy scene. Sometimes three a year LMAO.

30. If you were leaving simblr Simsta and had to choose another creator to continue the story for you, who would you ask? Well tbh I've given Sax and Fen to several good friends already; some of them have them in ongoing cameos in their own stories. I wouldn't ask anyone to continue mine, but I like to think that Sax and Fen could live on in my friend's stories and games if anything were to ever happen to me.

31. Drop some random trivia about your story: When I started I only meant to do short, random vignettes about daily life at the cottage. Somehow it snowballed into a three year epic. 🤣

32. Give a light spoiler: "This is who I am. If I was any other way, I would not be myself."

[guilty-pleasures21]

I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA ABOUT JASON

IMAGINE JASON DATING AN S/O WHO'S ALSO A WEREWOLF OR SMTHN SIMILAR--- I'M THINKING OF BITING RN. BITING JASON. WITH CANINES. OR FANGS. GROWLING WHEN YOU REALISE HE'S BLAMING HIMSELF FOR SMTHN. MORE BITING AND HIM LIKING IT.

(ughh some days i just wanna top that man and see him trying and failing to not be submissive as hell)

I LOVE YOUR WRITING SM BTW!!!

~ 🐺anon

Ahh! @🐺anon thank you so much!

Okay, so I'm actually a HUGE vampire nerd (I've never seen/read Twilight, but I have other recommendations if people are interested!) and funnily enough, I only realised when one of my friends pointed out to me my suspiciously extensive knowledge of vampires once back in school. (And I also found out my best friend was secretly OBSESSED with werewolves - she used to read all the Patricia Briggs books and I called her out on it one day? 🤣)

BUT ANYWAY! I really love wolf-coded guys? Like, the fangs and the claws and the pure masculine dominance and need to protect their mate (I FELL IN LOVE WITH MIGUEL BEFORE KNOWING ANY OF THIS ABOUT HIM THOUGH OKAY?!! 🥺).

P.S. I was actually working on a Dick Grayson fanfic loosely based off of Red Riding/Beauty and the Beast once, so ... 😳😅

The monster

Jason's already told you all his secrets. Are you ready to tell him yours?

Warnings: mentions of trauma and explicit descriptions of sex (male x female).

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She rang the doorbell, then knocked on his door when he still hadn’t answered.

“Jay!” X yelled through the door. “You know I'm gonna find some other way to come in!”

She waited patiently for a few moments, then finally, he opened the door. “What?!”

X reflected his expression back at him, her eyebrows scrunching together in irritation. “Rude!”

Jason clenched his jaw at her response and tightened his grip on the edge of the door. “Not tonight, X.”

X folded her arms across her chest. “I came all this way and you're just going to turn me away at the door?! At least let me use your bathroom first!”

Jason rolled his eyes and sighed before heading back into his apartment. He left the door open behind him, but didn’t speak a word to her as he trudged back into his bedroom. It must have been really bad then. But was it because of a mission or another nightmare? She shouldn't have left him alone last night, but she'd had no choice! It was the full moon, after all, and her parents would have killed her if she’d missed it.

She took her bag off and set it down on the kitchen island before tiptoeing into Jason's bedroom. He was lying on his side of the bed, even when she wasn't there to take up the empty space beside him, and her heart cracked at the sight. She slid onto her stomach next to him, taking care to keep that bit of distance between them. Then she turned to face him. “You don't have to talk about it, but you don't have to take it out on me.”

Jason sighed, knowing she was right - wanting to believe that she was right. But it was difficult to undo years of damage in just a few months. And even though she always encouraged him about the progress she saw him making, some days, he felt like life hadn't moved at all; like he was still trapped in that abandoned warehouse, waiting for someone to want him enough to come rescue him. He removed his arm from over his face, but continued to avoid her gaze. X watched him quietly, giving him the time he needed. Then finally, he glanced over at her - her thick hair trailing across her pillow, her long limbs sprawled out over his bed. He shuffled closer to her and she turned onto her side so he could snuggle up against her, his arm coming around her waist as he buried his face in her chest. She ran her fingers through his hair, still waiting patiently.

“How-” He broke off as his voice cracked and took a moment to compose himself. “Why do you love me?” ‘Why do love me? What do you love about me? What in me is worth loving?’. That was what he was really asking her to tell him. She continued to stroke his hair, trying to find the right words to comfort him.

“Hmm,” she contemplated. “You're really sweet, Jay. I know you think that everyone thinks you're this big, bad, tough guy who just hates everything, but you care so much about the things that are important to you.” Jason tightened his grip on her, wanting so badly to believe what she was saying, to believe that he was good, so she continued.

“You always fight so hard to give everyone the opportunity to be good; to give them a choice and teach them all the different reasons they should make the right decision. You put everything into what you believe in, even at the cost of yourself.” She paused to press a kiss to the top of his head and he finally relaxed a little. “You're gentle and attentive and so caring; so deserving of all the love in the entire world and I will fight everyone to give it to you!”

Jason let out a soft snicker at the thought of his tiny little girlfriend beating people up for him. Then he tensed up again. “But … But I've hurt people. I've done bad things.”

Her response was immediate.

“We've all done bad things, Jay - we're only human.” Mostly. “But you've never hurt anyone … You've only hurt those who have hurt hundreds of other people! And in doing that, you've given all those other people a chance at life. At a better life. You basically do what everyone complains about God not doing.”

He pulled back slightly to raise an eyebrow at her in disbelief: had she just compared him to God? X shuffled closer to him and cupped his cheek in her hand, her fingers brushing along the stubble sprinkled around his jaw.

“You serve justice - even if it doesn't look so pretty sometimes,” she added. “Like karma.” Her eyes lit up at the thought.

“Ooh! Should we change your vigilante name to that?” she suggested excitedly. “That's such a cool name: Karma. And you'd have such cool catchphrases too!”

Jason couldn’t stop the smile that creeped across his face at her enthusiasm. He'd revealed his identity to her a few weeks before they'd started dating, secretly thrilled that the cute friend he'd made at the library months ago was already so enamoured with his alter ego. She liked how firm he was, she'd always say; how he wasn't afraid to make sure that everyone got what they deserved. She'd scare Dick and Steph sometimes, with how intense she could be, but he loved it - he loved her. Even though he still hadn't found the courage to say it just yet. He stroked her back gently, delighting in how soft she was. “I'm not changing my name, X.”

Her eyes widened as she looked up at him - like a little puppy. She'd remind him of one sometimes, bouncing around with her infectious enthusiasm, rambling on about something interesting she'd found without stopping taking a breath. He could practically see her wagging her imaginary little tail whenever she got excited. “Then can I do it? Can I become a vigilante like you?”

She held her fists close to her mouth, almost whimpering as she begged him for it - just like a little puppy. Jason ruffled her hair fondly and tugged her a little closer to him. “I don't want you to ever be in danger because of me.”

“Then keep me safe!” she responded quickly, grinning like it was that easy, that simple.

Jason snuck his hand beneath the hem of her shirt and scratched her skin lightly as he studied her. Then he pulled her into his chest and pressed his lips to her hair.

“I'll keep you safe,” he promised her. “I'll keep you safe, sweetheart.” He hesitated after saying it, thinking about it. If he was being honest, he didn't want her to get involved in that part of his life because he never wanted her to see that side of him: to see him for the monster he really was. And maybe it was selfish of him, but … what other choice did he have?

“X …” he began slowly.

“Hmm?” She tilted her head back to look up at him.

“Do you … Do you ever get scared of me?” he asked her quietly. “Do you ever think … I could be a monster?”

He looked so sad as he said it, his voice all soft and terrified. And she wanted to beat up whoever had ever made him feel that way. She frowned.

“Why would I ever get scared of you, Jay? You keep me safe, remember?” Her brows remained creased as she watched him consider her response. Then her heart leapt into her throat as she realised that this was the best opening she was ever going to get. “But Jay … Even if … Even if you thought you were a monster … I'd say that we can be monsters together.” She curled into herself and peeked up at him nervously, then let her eyes glow gold in the dim light of the moon streaming in through the windows.

He did a double take, unsure if he’d just seen what he thought he saw. Had her eyes just … flashed gold?! Or had it just been a reflection of something? “What?”

X bit her lip and sat up, avoiding his gaze.

“What if … What if I told you I was a monster?” she asked him carefully. “Would you still love me then?”

Sure, he'd never said it, but she knew that he loved her - how could she not when he was always looking after her and buying her little gifts, planning small surprises for her and showering her with all his affection whenever they were together? But she'd been selfish - she'd fallen in love with the poetic boy with the white streak in his hair from their first conversation in the library and ever since then, she hadn't been able to stomach the thought of ever losing him.

Jason sat up, bewildered. Why was she suddenly acting so strangely?

“Of course!” he assured her firmly. He reached out to cup her cheeks. “Of course I'd …”

“I'd still want you,” he finished lamely. “Even then.”

X turned her face away from his, her stomach roiling with nerves. But she had to tell him - she couldn’t keep lying to him forever. “I'd never hurt you, Jay! You know that, right?”

“Of course I know that,” he assured her, turning her face back to his. “Of course I know you'd never hurt me, princess. But why are you talking like this? What happened?”

X dug her fingers into the mattress, wincing in anticipation of his response.

“I belong to a family that …” Ugh, it was like pulling teeth! Or fangs. Maybe she should just come out and say it. “I can turn into a wolf! Sometimes. But I don't hurt anyone! I'd never hurt anyone, Jay! Especially not you!”

She looked up at him with wide eyes, the fear scrawled all over her face, and his breath caught in his throat: he'd never had anyone afraid to lose him. Not him, never him.

“W-What … What are you talking about?” He rubbed his thumb along her cheek, waiting for a better explanation.

X whimpered nervously as she curled into herself. “I can … I can show you?”

A wolf?! She could turn into a wolf?! What the f*ck?! What the hell was he supposed to say to that?! He let his hand fall from her face and shrugged, wanting to put her at ease. “Okay.”

She stood up and went over to the window to pull the curtains open. She took a moment to soak in the moonlight, letting its power wash over her, then she turned back to him, allowing him to see her for who she really was.

Jason’s jaw dropped at the sight of her golden eyes, her elongated canines, her sharp claws. What the actual f*ck?!

“I'm not … I can turn into a full wolf, if I wanted to, but I'd be too big.” She glanced around the room after saying it, imagining her large wolf form trying to squeeze into the space between his bed and his window. Then she lowered her head and waited for his response.

She still seemed the same: still spoke the same, still acted the same, still curled into herself with fear in anticipation of his response in the same way. He narrowed his eyes at her thoughtfully. “How?”

“It runs in my family,” X admitted, brushing her hair behind her ear. “I've been able to do it since I was young.”

“Does it hurt?” Jason asked her.

X shook her head quickly, still keeping her distance from him so she wouldn't scare him. “No!”

Jason sat in silence for a moment, thinking. Then he waved her over to him.

“Come here,” he commanded. X walked forward, but then stopped at the foot of the bed, still avoiding his gaze.

She was out of the moonlight now, but she wasn't changing back. “You don't need to be in the moonlight to do that?”

“Only for the first transformation of the night,” she explained. “Then I can do it whenever I want. It only lasts for about twelve hours though. Then I'd need the moonlight again.”

She didn't seem to have a problem speaking around her fangs. Would he have trouble kissing her though? He moved to sit on the edge of the bed and gestured for her to get on his lap. “Come here.”

She curled her fingers around his shoulders nervously and straddled his lap. Jason placed his hands on her waist and took a moment to study her body. She was still as soft as she always was, still as warm. But wait. Was that a tail? His lips twitched as he ran his fingers along her silky fur. “You have a tail?”

“Mmhmm!” She nodded enthusiastically in confirmation, but her eyes were still wide with fear. And Jason couldn't help but let out a huff of amusement at the irony of the situation: there he'd been, terrified that she wouldn't accept him once she knew the truth about him, and now here she was, asking him to do the same. He glided the hand that wasn’t stroking her tail up her back and around her waist, checking to see if everything else was still the same. He reached up to cup her cheek in his hand when he was satisfied, then he leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. He kissed her slowly, cautiously, taking care to not cut his tongue on her fangs.

He was kissing her! He was really kissing her! But did that mean that he was okay with it? Or was he just testing it out? She pulled back slowly, then squeezed her arms to her chest, avoiding his gaze as she did so. “Are you … Are you okay with it? With me being a monster?”

Her voice was just a whisper as she said it, and she glanced up at him nervously. He tilted her face up to his and smiled. “We can be monsters together.”

X grinned as he repeated her words, and she started kissing him again, her movements a little hungrier, a little less careful this time. She pushed him down onto the bed and Jason chuckled at her eagerness. She looked so cute like this, her tail wagging with joy at his acceptance of her, her lips curled into that happy smile as she looked at him. She bent over to nip his earlobe and Jason sucked in a breath as she began trailing her teeth down his skin, a delighted growl escaping her throat everytime her fangs pricked him. He slid his hands beneath the hem of her shirt and crawled his fingers up her skin cautiously, and she sat up to let him take her shirt off.

Her skin almost seemed to glow beneath the moonlight, and he sucked in a breath at the sight before looking up at her in question. They’d had sex before, of course, but this was … different. This time, they'd expose all of themselves to each other, every ugly piece of them they both thought should be locked away forever. X curled her fingers around the hem of his shirt, taking care to not scratch him with her claws. Then she nodded.

He kept his eyes fixed on her chest as he took her bra off, then he licked his lips hungrily when she was bare before him. She was so f*cking beautiful; more now than she’d ever been before, so completely herself, so utterly unafraid. He turned them over so she was lying beneath him, then slowly slid off her jeans and underwear. Shit, she was hot: her smooth skin, her soft curves, her silky curls. He stood up to take his own clothes off, then knelt down on the floor, settling himself between her legs. He tugged her to him, pulling her knees onto her shoulders, then began pressing soft kisses to the insides of her thighs, his teeth closing around her flesh occasionally to tug on her skin.

She pushed herself to her hands, wanting to look at him, but then he was dragging his tongue up her length and closing his lips around her clit and her head was falling back in pleasure. Jason continued licking and sucking on her like he was trying to make out with her p*ssy and she shuddered as she felt herself getting wetter and wetter.

“Hngrh … J-Jay …” X twisted her claws into the bedsheet, her body trembling as he continued to arouse her.

F*ck, she was cute. The helpless little whimpers that kept escaping from her lips as he continued to eat her out slowly? It drove him crazy. “I guess the transformation doesn't affect your sensitivity, huh, sweetheart?”

He chuckled against her pulsing p*ssy and X let out a surprised yelp as her leg twitched in response. Jason ran his fingers up and down her thighs as he gave a low moan of satisfaction. “Mmm. You gonna come for me, princess? Already?”

He closed his lips around her folds and gently pulled them into his mouth before lazily dribbling his tongue along her length. F*ck, she tasted sweet.

He was so good, so gentle and slow, her Jason, always taking his time to appreciate the taste of her on his tongue. She shuddered as he let out another low moan and started moving her hips against his mouth to get him to go faster. But Jason pulled back instead and chuckled at her impatience. X growled at the sudden absence of his mouth and bared her teeth at him in a snarl. Jason flashed her a smug smirk as he stood up and leaned over her.

“You think I'm scared of you, princess?” he asked, gripping her chin tightly and turning her face up to his. “With those cute little puppy dog eyes of yours?” He snickered as she continued to glare at him, then he bent over to press a kiss to her lips.

X loosened her grip on the bed sheets when she felt his tongue brushing across hers. She'd always been a bit of an outcast within her pack: the male wolves would always go for someone bigger, stronger - a mate who would be able to give them many children and help them hunt for and look after the rest of the pack. It wasn't their fault - just a part of their DNA - but it didn't make it hurt any less. She gasped as Jason reached up to cup her breast, his mouth moving to trail along her neck and shoulder instead. But here was a man, big and strong and always ready to defend his pack, worshipping her body like she was some kind of angel he was blessed to be able to lay his hands upon. If only he could see himself in the same way; in the way she saw him. She steeled herself so her voice wouldn't shake when she next spoke. “Jason.”

“Hmm?” he grunted, continuing to trail his lips and hands all over her body. F*ck, she tasted so sweet.

He wasn't listening to her and she was starting to get a little frustrated at the smugness in his voice. So she grabbed him by the waist and flung him onto the bed.

“Whoa!” Jason exclaimed, caught off guard. Then he turned to grin at her. “How'd you do that?!”

X kept her face scrunched into a frown as she climbed on top of him and pinned his wrists against the bed. “It's my wolf strength. Now shut up!”

He stopped talking, but continued to smile at her, amused by how cute she still looked despite her wickedly sharp canines; she looked more like a puppy than a wolf, glaring down at him with her beautiful, round eyes. X huffed in irritation when she saw that he still wasn't taking her seriously.

“Tell me where it hurts, Jay,” she demanded. Jason shut his mouth and raised an eyebrow at her, his lips curling at the ends in teasing. X shoved him into the mattress in warning. “Jason!”

Jason lets out a little snicker. She was so powerful - a full-on wolf when she wanted to be! - and yet, she was still so vulnerable before him.

“What?” he finally relented. “What do you want me to tell you, princess?”

X began to hesitate, her resolve weakening as she contemplated what she wanted to ask of him. “I want … I want you to tell me … all the parts of you that you think aren't worth loving.”

His breath caught in his throat at that and he felt his heart skip a beat. “W-What?”

X let go of his wrists and sat back, taking a moment to assess his body. Her fingers trailed over all of his scars and bruises and she repeated herself, her tone more firm this time. “Tell me all the parts of you that you think aren't worth loving.”

Jason swallowed hard, his heart resuming its beating, but much faster this time. He shifted uncomfortably in position, so she curled up on his chest, her big dark eyes looking up at him as she held him down. He clenched and unclenched his fists, then turned away from her, ashamed.

“My mouth.” Something easy, he'd start with something easy. “Someone always gets hurt whenever I open it. I've always been told that I have a big mouth.” X smiled and crawled up over him to trace the curve of his lips with her finger.

“All the better to kiss with,” she joked. She pressed her lips to his and kissed him slowly, pouring all her affection into him. Then she pulled back. “What else?”

Jason's chest started heaving with shallow breaths as the anxiety began to creep in. He was going to do this, he was really going to do this: tear himself open and let her see all the vulnerable bits he tried so hard to hide. “M-My … My hands. All they do is take and take and take.”

X lifted his hand to her mouth and pressed a kiss to his palm. Then she began listing all the things he'd taken from her, stopping to nip each of his fingers in between.

“They take my sadness. They take my pain. They take my loneliness. They take my tears. They take my hunger.” She placed his hand on her waist when she was done, then she took hold of his other one to do the same. “They take my sorrow. They take my fear. They take my nightmares. They take my ignorance. They take my insecurities.”

She placed his hand on the other side of her waist and continued. “What else?”

Jason swallowed hard, the pressure beginning to build up behind his eyes as he digested her words. How could she do that? How could she take all of his self-loathing, all of his hurt and his pain … and turn it into something so beautiful?

“My shoulders,” he choked out helplessly. “They're not strong enough to carry the weight of … of his expectations.” She lowered herself back on top of him and rubbed his shoulder gently, knowing exactly who he was talking about. She scratched his skin lightly with her claw, leaving a faint red line, then she smiled down at him, her eyes glowing in the dark again as she did so.

“They carry mine perfectly fine.” She bent over and sank her fangs into his shoulder, just enough to draw a surprised hiss out of him, but not enough to hurt him - he'd already had enough pain to last a lifetime. Longer, even. She bit him softly, then pulled back and began reciting all the expectations he'd taught her she was allowed to have of someone. “Brave.”

X moved her mouth higher up his shoulder and nipped his brawny muscle again.

“Sweet.” Nip. “Patient.” She moved to his other shoulder when she ran out of space.

“Thoughtful. Attentive. Generous.” She sat up again and fixed him with a challenging look. “Is there anything else?”

Jason tightened his grip on her waist and, this time, his voice cracked with pain when he spoke. “I'm broken. I'm so broken, X.”

X gave him a soft smile and traced one of the scars on his shoulder.

“You're not broken, Jace. You're all stitched up! Here.” She brushed her fingers down his scar, then moved on to another. “And here.”

She repeated the phrase, her fingers sliding along his skin, her claws outlining each of his hideous scars. Then when she was done, she bent over and nipped each of them, her fangs pricking his skin delightfully. She took hold of his cock when she reached his abdomen, curling her fingers around it and moving it aside. But then she began stroking him gently, her thumb rubbing across his slit as she dragged her fangs along the inside of his thighs.

“X …” Jason breathed, clutching onto the bed sheets as his arousal began to intensify. X raised her head to grin at him, her tail wagging happily behind her. Jason pushed himself up

“They're not scars anymore, Jay,” she told him, brushing her fingers across his rough skin tenderly. “They're all the places I've marked you.”

She looked up at him, her eyes glinting gold with mischief and glee. “You don't belong to Death anymore, Jason Todd - you belong to me.”

Jason reached up to cup her cheek and pull her closer to him so he could start kissing her. He kissed her hard, aggressive, licking into her mouth thirstily like she was the only thing that could soothe the aching emptiness inside of him. X giggled as she kissed him back, then she yelped in surprise when he pushed her down onto the bed beneath him. She gasped and twisted her fingers in his hair as he began pressing his lips and teeth all over her body, marking her like she'd marked him.

“I belong to you,” Jason recited feverishly, like the words were a prayer on his lips. “I'm yours. All yours, baby. All yours, X.” He squeezed her breast in his hand, then growled and nipped at the other before dragging his tongue across her nipple. X whimpered and curled her toes as her legs twitched with arousal. Then she let out a helpless moan when Jason sucked hard on her breast before releasing her with a wet ‘pop’.

“You like that?” he teased her, making his way down her abdomen, nibbling on her soft skin and leaving small bruises all over her body. “You like it when I mark you like this, princess? When I …” He trailed off as he reached her centre, her sweet little p*ssy blushing and dripping just for him. He growled again at the sight, then pushed his mouth into her folds and groaned at the taste of her before drinking her up.

“You're all mine,” he declared. “You're all mine, X, all mine, princess.”

She whimpered and moaned again as her walls began to throb with arousal, the intensity of it causing her body to contract hard. “J-Jason!”

“F*ck,” he breathed. He flipped her over and started licking her up from behind, his fingers digging into her ass to spread her apart as he dragged his tongue along her length. X twisted her fingers into the bedsheets, her claws ripping the soft fabric as she did so.

“Jay!” she squealed helplessly. Jason bit down on her ass, his teeth sinking into her skin delightfully, then he held her tail down so he could start making his way up her body.

“You're so perfect,” he murmured, his words slurred with desire. “So perfect, baby. So pretty, so f*cking pretty.”

She shuddered as he trailed his lips up her spine, her entire body so sensitive from how badly he'd stimulated her already. Then finally, he reached her neck and she found the strength to push herself up to shrug him off of her. He rolled over onto his back and she pounced on him quickly before he could get up.

He looked up at her, his eyes glazed over with lust, a dazed expression on his rugged features. He was so handsome when he was confused, when he was completely at her mercy like this.

“W-What?” he stammered out, puzzled. X placed her hands on his shoulders, then dragged them down his chest, her claws leaving a faint trail of pink down his torso. Jason sucked in a breath at the pleasant sting of it, then she turned around on top of him and settled her p*ssy over his mouth. Her tail flicked playfully at his nose as she took hold of his cock and began licking the insides of his thighs and he grabbed onto her ass instinctively, digging his fingers into her skin.

“F*ck!” He tried to continue eating her out again, to suck on her and lick her up and please her, but he was just too distracted by the feeling of her fingers teasing his tip to do anything besides pressing soft kisses along her length.

X fisted his cock as he suckled on her clit, her body giving a hard contraction that had her curling her back involuntarily. “Hngrh …”

She pushed her hips against his mouth and Jason let out a satisfied groan at the feeling. He started lapping at her folds, picking up the pace of his movements, and she whined.

“J-Jay … Stop …” He didn't listen, so she started running her tail across his face, stroking his cheeks and tickling him softly. Finally, he released her, his head falling back onto the mattress against his own will.

“F*ck!” he exclaimed. X continued to run her tail across his neck and shoulders as she began licking his cock, her silky fur brushing against his skin teasingly. Jason held his breath, overwhelmed by the feeling of her all over him; her tail around his neck, her c*m leaking onto his chest, her breasts pressing into his abdomen. He bucked his hips as she lowered her mouth onto his cock, pushing it deeper in so that his tip hit the back of her throat. X growled at the feeling and he muttered another curse when he felt the vibrations racing down his length to his core. X trailed her tongue up his length, tracing the veins in his shaft. Then she shook her head like he was a toy she was playing with and his hips lifted off the bed again as his dick slapped against the insides of her cheeks.

“F*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!” Jason swore, his brain turning completely numb with pleasure. “X … Stop … Princess, I want …” She refused to listen to him, happily sucking on his cock as he dug his fingers into the soft flesh of her ass. He groaned and pulled her back, settling her hips back over his face. X yelped in surprise, then flopped over him and started whining again when he shoved his tongue straight into her hole.

“J-Jay!” He groaned against her and she shivered as his low voice sank into her skin and danced along her bones. Then she ripped herself away from him and turned around so that their centres were perfectly aligned. The both of them paused for a second, chests panting with shallow breaths as they took each other in. Then Jason took hold of himself and tugged her down onto him. She sucked in a breath when she felt all of him filling up all of her, then she threw her head back with pleasure and started riding him.

“H-Hold … Hold on, princess …” Jason's voice shook as he bounced against the bed with the force of her movements. But he eventually managed to push himself up and grab her by the waist to lift her up slightly. She growled and snapped at him with her fangs, but he just chuckled and held her in position.

“Calm down, princess,” he reassured her lazily. “Just tryna get comfortable.” He shuffled up the mattress to lean back against the headboard, then loosened his hold on her, allowing her to continue.

X began rolling her hips against him again, her movements hard and fast. Shit! He felt so good! His thick cock stuffing her completely, his swollen tip hitting that one spot that had her entire body relaxing with pleasure. She could feel a howl starting to build up deep inside of her; a call to her mate, a warning to mark her territory. But there were still some parts of her she was too ashamed to share with him, so she did her best to swallow it back down.

She kept whining and whimpering, like she was trying hard to silence herself. But he didn't want her to silence herself - he wanted her to let him in, to feel safe enough with him to let him see all of her. “What's wrong … princess?”

“H-H-Hooowl …” X winced as the urge continued to press against her throat.

“Y-You … You wanna howl?” Jason asked, another wave of desire hitting him as she made her eyes all round and sweet.

She nodded eagerly, her features still scrunched up in embarrassment. Jason tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “You can howl if you want, princess.”

His voice was low and gravelly as he said it and she found herself unable to hold back anymore. She pushed him against the headboard and finally let out a shy and adorable little howl.

"F*ck.” How the f*ck was she so cute?! Jason buried his face in her breasts and glided his hands along her sides and up her back. He tugged on her nipple with his teeth then circled it with his tongue before sucking on her. X whined at the sensation and let out another soft howl as she continued to bounce on his cock. “Shit.”

Jason released her breast and his head fell back against the headboard as she slammed him against it again. X yipped happily when she saw the dazed look on his face, then she curled herself around him to nip at his ear. Jason winced and tightened his grip on her before letting out another curse. “F*ck!”

X giggled against his neck and slowed down a little, rolling her hips slower, but harder, against him. God, he felt good, thick and warm and filling her up so very nicely. She gripped onto his hair as her body shuddered, her p*ssy pulsing around him desperately as she came for him.

“F*ck.” Jason kept his arms around her as his entire body tightened, and then he was coming too, his c*m shooting into her cervix and coating her walls with his seed. X slumped over against him, her entire body relaxing at the feeling of his warm semen inside of her. Then she closed her eyes and took a moment to listen to his heartbeat, the steady sound of it soothing her. They stayed like that for a while, the both of them holding each other in silence. Then finally, “I love you.”

It was so soft that she almost didn't hear it at first. She transformed her ears and angled them towards him in question. Did he … Had he really said it? After months of her being the only one who would? Jason let out a small laugh, then pressed a kiss to the top of her head before repeating himself. “I love you, X.”

X sat up to grin at him, her tail wagging furiously behind her. “I love you too, Jay.”

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Carpe Noctem 9

Warnings: dark elements, noncon, age gap, gaslighting, manipulation, other dark elements. Proceed with caution. (short!reader)

Note: Please let me know what you think as it helps me a lot with ideas and I love interacting with you all.

Part of The Club AU

You’re not sure what to do with yourself. You find the room with the silk tie on the handle and enter. You look around. Nothing special. A bed, a closet, a metal vanity with a round mirror, and a fluffy white rug. It’s all so minimalistically extra.

You put down your purse and keys and pace around aimlessly. You're really doing this. You're giving in. Or giving up. Whatever you want to call it.

You're tired of fighting. For years you did everything for Johnny, hoping something would be right. You only realise that now. You would tell yourself it's because you love him and you're just taking care of him, but really you were desperate for his approval.

Maybe it's just easier to be like Lloyd. To be unsentimental and crass. To not care about others or what they think. To just say what you want plainly and take it.

You're not that kind of person. You know that. And just because he's singled you out, it doesn't make this or you special. It's as basic as he says it is. Fuck, high five, move along.

You sit at the vanity and pull out an empty drawer. Restless, you check out the next one. There's nothing there. The place is as vacant as your life suddenly is.

You shut the last drawer and glance at your reflection. You look as tired as you feel. The swollenness is still there in your cheek and the skin still tender with bruises.

You peek behind your mirror image at the bed. You yawn as you stand up and cross to the mattress, spreading your arms wide as you fall onto it face first. You close your eyes, head heavy with fatigue but nerves too addled to sleep.

You let the last few days wash over you. Johnny's anger, the fear and humiliation, capped by Lloyd's salacious and repulsive offer. It's surreal and soul crushing.

You lose track of time, hovering between awake and sleeping. Each time you feel you might doze, your body gives a start, unable to relax in this strange place.

A sudden stinging slap reverberates across your ass and you roll over with a yipe. You push yourself up as you face Lloyd's smirking mustache. You sputter in shock as he winks at you.

"Hey, sweet cheeks, waiting on me?" He purrs.

"Jeez, what–"

"Don't look ready to me," he shakes his head, gripping one hip, "did you even see the gift basket I made up for you? I put time and effort into that. And I'm… me."

"Uh, well, uh, yeah," you say, shimmying to the edge.

"And what about the surprise in the bathroom? How about you go wash the motel off you and I'll get the place ready."

"Ready?"

"You know," he pokes the tip of his tongue out, "you like candles? Afraid I'm all out of rose petals."

"Uh, oh," you sniff, "I thought, maybe, I could settle in first–"

"Look pretty settled to me," he shrugs, "but if you're tired, you can just roll back over and I'll start from the rear–"

"Oh god."

"Come on. I'm trying. I brought some stuff," he points behind him and you see a tote beside the door frame, a floral bag you rarely got to use.

Fabric peeks out past the top and the top of your bedside lamp, the one with the scalloped shade. You don't really know why he took that. As much as he gives you the ick, you can't really say he's a total asshole.

"I also grabbed this," he turns and goes to the bag, pulling out the very bix that started all the chaos. He comes back to you and tosses it on the bed so the lid pops off. The pearl bustier peeks out beneath the tissue paper. "And it's not my size, so…"

He stares at you as you try to avoid his eyes. You reach to slide the box closer and exhale softly. May as well pull off the bandaid. If he's anything like Johnny, it won't take that much.

🍑

A long soak should be the only thing you could want. The prospect of after keeps you fron enjoy the water. The tension nestles deep and refuses to leave.

You wash, the bottle of untouched champagne on the counter. Another unwanted surprise. You're in no rush yet moving fast.

You recline and try to forget the circumstance. Try to be somewhere else, if only for a moment. You shudder out your anxiety and sit up to pull the plug.

You stand and dry off. Your stomach churns and your skin crawls. You fix your hair and go through your usual routine. Then you stop to examine the pearled strands that drape across the boning of the bustier.

It's awkward. You're not sure at first how to get into it. Then the panties. A thong of sheer fabric that seems to shimmer. Then the stockings, and garters. A bit much just for… that.

Your reflection moves in the mirror but you won't look at yourself. You near the door and try to hear through it. Is he even out there?

You twist the handle slowly and emerge into the dimmed room. The curtains are drawn and the lights are set low. There are candles lit, on the night stand and the white shelves built into the wall. The scent of vanilla mingles with something woodsy.

You don't see him but before you can turn, you feel him. He holds himself flush to your back. You out your hands on his forearms as he embraces you from behind. Be nuzzles the back of your head and takes a deep whiff. He hums as she wiggles his pelvis and urges you forward.

"You smell delicious," Lloyd growls as he walks you to the bed, "bet you taste even better."

[would-you-punt-them]

I'm sorry if you've answered this already but why do you hate Minecraft so much? 😭

it's just mid - i played it all the time i as a kid, but only to try and make friends, the game itself is boring as shit

though i won't lie to you, i'm in a bit of a vindictive mood today, so i needed something to be annoyed about

a guy came round to fix the dishwasher, and because i didn't have anything else to do while waiting for him to show up i took a long nap

when i got up, i didn't bother to check my hair at all, so it was a complete mess - the most noticeable issue was that on the top there were two symmetrical sticky up parts that each folded over on themselves at a sharp angle like two mirrored ahoges

he finally arrived, and as i was showing him the dishwasher (desperately trying to figure out how to make small talk with another hot af human being), one of my cats walked in, and that prompted him to comment that my hair also made me look like i had "cat ears"

i checked my reflection and yeah, he was absolutely right - the two identical sticky up parts happened to be the exact size, shape and in the position of a pair of outlined anime cat ears

and for a second i was like wow that's a cute coincidence, but then he said "it must've taken forever to get it to look like that", and i realised he genuinely thought i'd spent hours styling my hair to look like cat ears on purpose, and i was so embarassed i wanted to die

[faraway-sunshine]

School Uniform and Growing Up

By Sunny Kanemaru

I tried on my uniform today and looked myself in the mirror, and felt small.

When I mentioned visiting the school, I didn't mention the uniform tryout, and that's because it was awkward. Mom and the store clerk had to try and find a balance between what was long enough to fit over me and what was tight enough to not be too baggy.

It's taken the past few months to realise what my own body had become, how it grew upward and awkward and yet my habits and fears and general depressed state made it turn deprived and weak and scrawny. One doctor diagnosed how this had delayed most of my puberty developments as 'failure to thrive'. That feels like an accurate name for the past few years, how I was surviving but not really living.

Trying to fix it all has its ups and downs. Days where I eat almost normally or I hang out with friends and my worries slip away, days where Mom gives me the sad eyes as she begs me to at least swallow a few forkfuls without gagging, one day where she took me to the hospital to make sure I was alright and they dismissed me and said that I was just trying to beg for attention.

When sorting out the uniform, the clerk suggested buying the clothes extra big in case I grow into them with a sort of pointed look and I wanted to fall into the ground.

The only part I liked of my old reflection was the constance of it all. I was maybe getting a bit taller, and my hair would either grow with time or fall out from sickness, but I still looked twelve years old and that was the only thing that made me smile. I didn't intend to pause time on my own body like this, but I wasn't exactly scared of the changes when I should have been. I was at a point where growing up scared me, where I'd rather die young than live properly without her.

Today, I put on my uniform after my bath to make sure it's fine for school. I gingerly removed the eyepatch; my eye isn't fully healed from the cataract surgery yet but I still wasn't used to seeing through its battered lens. I felt like a child in adult clothing, but I saw myself finally how everyone else does. I think today was the day it really sunk in that I'm not twelve anymore. I'm older than before, older even than Mari ever got to be. It hurts, knowing how long it's been and how much I missed in the room and knowing that I was never supposed to be older than my big sister.

Today, I finally let myself begin to grow up.

(Sunday 3rd September, 2000, 8:05 PM)

[masivechaos]

PIGTAILS AND ELASTIC BANDS

Charlie Dalton x  fem! reader

Request: yes / no

see the request here!

Synopsis: you wanted to try braiding Charlie's hair but he thinks he's better at it than you

Warning/content: reader has long hair (enough to braid in french braids)

a.n.: 0.8k words- that's so short i'm sorry

masterlist / dead poets society masterlist / navigation

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.───･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.──

“Just stop moving!” you whined, your tongue poking out in the corner of your lips and your eyebrows furrowed. You were sitting on Charlie’s lap on his bed, his back resting against the wall, your legs wrapped around his waist, keeping him close.

Charlie let out a laugh “It hurts!” you were trying to braid his hair because it grew out a bit lately and he was going to cut it soon but it seemed to be impossible, it was still too short.

You leaned back, looking at him from a wider angle and you had to fight the urge to break down in laughter “It’s ridiculous, right?” he chuckled. 

And you shook your head “Nooo” you lied with a smile as you gathered all his left hair between your fingers. You were so focused, eyebrows knitted together and your bottom lip caught between your teeth. Focuses, you were surprised by Charlie when he leaned forward to capture your lips into a quick kiss.

And you shook your head “Nooo” you lied with a smile as you gathered all his left hair between your fingers. You were so focused, eyebrows knitted together and your bottom lip caught between your teeth. Focuses, you were surprised by Charlie when he leaned forward to capture your lips into a quick kiss.

He pulled away, proud of his move when he saw your flustered state and offered you a wide smirk. You frowned your eyebrows before giving him a wicked smile, you twisted the handful of his hair, making him wince in pain “Hey!” he forgot you had this power.

Charlie stopped moving because he didn’t want to suffer anymore and you finally could tie the last little pigtail. “You are…” you squinted your eyes, smiling at your boyfriend in a teasing way “Beautiful”

Charlie huffed before leaning forward without stopping until you had to lie down on his bed. His arms enclosed you and his stupid smirk was right above your face. But what he didn’t think about was his two pigtails at the top of his head, hanging in front of him.

“You can’t have this effect on me anymore” you grinned, Charlie was the confident and teasing one in your couple so it was pleasing to see him trying to find a way to make you shy.

You stared at the pink elastic bands, digging your top teeth into your bottom lip to hold back your laughter. Your stare fell to his eyes, looking with such intensity that he let out a timid chuckle “You are the shy one now”

Charlie sniggered “Oh c’mon” you said with this adorable smile of yours “It was good!” you knew he was making fun of your attempt to flirt.

His eyes were wide as he tried to keep a serious face “Sure” he giggled. With one last laugh, he got up, freeing you from his grasp. When he lifted his head, he met his reflection in the small mirror above Cameron’s desk. Cameron hated it but Charlie had it from one of his siblings for his birthday and his wall was already full of posters and other random things. Cameron agreed to hang it on his wall in exchange for two weeks without paying the saxophone.

As he saw himself in the mirror he realised how silly he looked. “I bet I’m better than you to tie hair” he challenged you.

“It’s not my fault your hair is too short!”

Charlie, stubborn as ever, shook his head before taking the elastics off his hair, sliding them on his wrist with a happy smile “My turn!” You knew he was going to rip off your scalp just by brushing your hair.

With a sigh you took you sat at the edge of the bed. You felt his hands gathering all your hair aggressively “Ouch” After several minutes of him pulling and twisting your hair (and hurting you) without doing it on purpose, he was finally done.

Charlie’s hands covered your eyes as he dragged you in front of the mirror “Tadaaa” he sang before letting you see yourself. You gasped when you could observe what he did to you.

“That is…” There was an attempt of french braids but it was messy and unsymetrical, one braid was even half done “...” no word came out and you saw Charlie starting to get offended “... good… for a first time”

“It’s horrible, right?” he laughed, finding you adorable as you tried to find positive points in this mess of hair and elastic bands. You turned around, sliding your arms around his neck. 

You stood on your tip toes, almost touching his lips with yours “It is” Charlie closed the gap between the two of you and kissed you with a quiet laugh. “But it’s okay. You’re still good at kissing”

Charlie let out a chuckle before kissing you again. And again.

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.───･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.──

⋆ ★ charlie dalton taglist: @cauliflowertree @moonlitmeeks @toindeedbeag0d @juneberrie @goodoldfashionedluvergirl @spookydarkwitch

[chenziee]

The Heart in the Cage

I'm so sorry for the delay! Work and life in general's been a total dumpster fire the past two weeks 💀 I'll try to get the next one asap but I sadly can't promise anything concrete OTL

Written for: - @truffyfest Summer of Lawlu 2024 - Week 2: CONFESSION | HEART SWAP | “I thought I’d lost you.” - OP Bingo 2023: Volcano - @opfluffzine Wheel of Fluff event: Communication

[ READ ON AO3 | CHAINS OF FATE | COMM INFO ]

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“You want to do what?” 

Luffy snickered at Law’s question. He did expect him to protest the idea but his shocked tone and horrified expression was just something else and Luffy just couldn’t help it. It was too funny, okay?

“Stop laughing, do you realise how serious what you’re asking is?” Law hissed, his frustration more than apparent.

“Sorry, Torao.” Luffy gulped, forcing his mirth down.

For a few seconds, Torao just continued glaring at him, as if to make sure Luffy wasn’t going to start giggling again… and maybe to try and convey how very unimpressed with Luffy he was. But finally, he sighed. 

“Tell me why exactly should I go ahead with this stupid idea?”

“Because you love me!” Luffy answered immediately with a wide smile on his face, leaning forward to peer at Law’s face. There was a complicated look in his sharp, beautiful eyes, a look that told Luffy that he was fighting with himself over it.

Clicking his tongue, Law shoved Luffy’s face away. “That has nothing to do with it. In fact, it’s all the more reason why I shouldn’t do it.” He narrowed his eyes at Luffy, pointing his finger at Luffy and poking at the centre of his chest. “If my heart is in there and something happens to me, you’re dead, Luffy.”

“So?” Luffy asked, a pout making its way on his lips.

Law inhaled sharply, and it looked like he was counting to ten in his mind before he replied, “So, I’m not going to do it. It’s too fucking risky!” He paused, closing his eyes for a second before shooting Luffy a look. “Why do you want me to switch our hearts anyway?”

With a small huff, Luffy slumped against the backrest of the aquarium bar’s couch, watching as the dim light reflecting off of the water dances across Law’s skin, his face, his hair. There were still some barely visible scratches and bruises, a bandage tightly wrapped around his left forearm where his soulmark was. Covering the deep, long slash Torao got from Blackbeard days ago. Chopper said it was likely going to scar, marring his skin forever.

Leaving a mark where only Luffy’s presence should be…

All the while Luffy was on Egghead and completely unaware anything was wrong until after the crew and everyone else got to safety and he thought to check Torao’s vivre card.

They were lucky Bepo was able to get Law to safety before anything worse happened to him, or any of the Heart Pirates.

“It’s just…” Luffy gestured with his hand vaguely. “We’re gonna go our separate ways again. I wanna have something to connect to you.”

“You have my vivre card. I have yours. Pretty sure Nami-ya still has Bepo’s. We have literal soulmarks. You even made us get fucking tattoos,” Law pointed out, raising an eyebrow.

Luffy groaned and looked away, turning to study the fish swimming happily in the aquarium. “It’s slow, okay? If your heart is with me, I’ll know immediately that I need to check your vivre card.”

When Law didn’t say anything for a while, Luffy glanced back at him. He was surprised to find Law’s own eyes boring into him, studying Luffy’s expression and searching his eyes for something. What that something was, Luffy had no idea… but he decided to wait until Law found it—or gave up. 

It took a long while for either of them to say anything; they quietly looked at each other, the silence hanging around them heavy but somehow, it wasn’t uncomfortable. Rather, it felt like a sense of understanding connected them, an invisible string that tied them together and linked them and their thoughts. Somehow, Luffy wouldn’t mind sitting here like this all afternoon. For some reason, he didn’t think he’d even get bored.

… Okay, maybe not the whole afternoon but he could definitely do a few minutes no problem!

But that wasn’t the point.

“What is this really about, Straw Hat-ya?”

Luffy froze at the question, blinking at Law blankly. What was it about? He didn’t really think about it when he suggested the heart swapping, didn’t bother searching for a reason. Thinking wasn’t his strong suit, after all; the idea occurred to him and it felt right so he just said it… But well—

“I don’t know! Does it matter?” Luffy asked, tilting his head to the side. “It’s not a big deal, and I know you’ve done it already two years ago!”

Law startled at the revelation, obviously not expecting Luffy to know. He stared at Luffy with wide eyes for a moment, before a groan escaped him. “It was Penguin, wasn’t it?”

“Yep!” Luffy confirmed with a laugh. “He also said you told him you’d toss him overboard if he ever told me.”

“Why am I not surprised,” Law grumbled, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. “It was a temporary measure to help with treatment. You basically had a volcano erupt in your lungs and you’d have died if I didn’t do it. There’s no medical reason now.”

“Was there one back then though?” Luffy teased, poking Law’s shoulder. “I mean, you could have used anyone’s heart. Or just left me be!”

Seeing the scowl Torao gave him, Luffy couldn’t help but burst out laughing. That only seemed to make Law more annoyed… which in turn made Luffy laugh harder. 

“You’re right, I should have just let you die,” Torao grumbled, rolling his eyes at Luffy’s amusement.

With one last snicker, Luffy shuffled closer, pressing a quick, loud kiss to Law’s cheek before he poked Torao’s side again. “I think your reason was the same as mine is now,” he said quietly.

“I’m not lying on the operating table with a hole in my chest, connected to a ventilator and on the verge of total heart failure,” Law shot back, his voice completely flat and entirely unimpressed.

“Maybe, but when I saw your vivre card, I still thought I’d lost you for a moment. I never wanted to feel that way again after Mingo almost killed you.” Luffy shrugged.

When Law didn’t say anything, Luffy hummed, looking at Law questioningly, only to find a complicated expression on his face. Did he say something weird? He didn’t think he did but seeing how Torao was staring at him…

“What did I say?!” Luffy cried out defensively, only for Law to heave a deep sigh.

“You’re saying that? Did you forget you actually died not three weeks ago?” Law said, narrowing his eyes at Luffy.

That only served to prove Luffy right! “See?!” He grinned victoriously. “We’re thinking the same thing!”

“We are so not,” Law hissed.

Waving his hand dismissively, Luffy shuffled closer still, throwing his legs over Torao’s lap as he made himself comfortable in his personal space. Law didn’t seem to mind, automatically placing one hand over Luffy’s knee. Luffy’s smile widened at the gesture.

“Torao~” he sang. “Let's do it.”

“You’re such a brat.” Law sighed, shooting Luffy an annoyed look and Luffy grinned victoriously—making Torao click his tongue. “Wipe that look off your face, you won nothing.”

“But you’re gonna do it so I win!” Luffy announced, sticking his tongue out.

As Law rolled his eyes at him and a Room formed around the two of them, Luffy felt warmth pooling in his chest, spreading throughout his entire body. Wow, he really loved this man, didn’t he? It was ridiculous; it felt like every day, he was falling deeper—soulmate or not, it didn’t matter to him.

The birdcage he carried on his thigh didn’t matter to him—it was crushed anyway, just like Law’s chain was snapped, just like it should be. They didn’t need their soulmarks. They didn’t need fate.

And seeing Law’s heart, watching as it beat strongly in his hands, feeling its warmth as he inserted it into his own chest…

He was never more sure of that.

Never more sure this was where he should be.

[thesonicpunk]

youre so right that the way kishimoto limits sakura bc of his own misogyny reflects the things girls often face irl. based on what ive seen from interviews, kishimoto is the kind of male writer who thinks women need inherently be written differently from and have different types of stories than men, and it creates this weird self-fulfilling prophecy whereby believing he's not good at writing girls, he ends up being bad at writing girls. but somehow it sometimes circles back around to making him good at it? the struggle of always feeling like you're second-best to the men in your life...but by focusing only on trying to surpass them you just end up centering yourself around them even when you've forged your own path...shes so girlhood to me

aaaa anon ur egging me on ahah (i love it, let's discuss euehuhehu, or not u can just ignore me lol) I'm sorry it took me so long to reply, I had a deadline and halfway through writing this i realised i wanted to do it properly and so I had to come back when I had time It does kinda circle around to Kishimoto crafting a portrayal of aspects of girlhood that's, well, maybe not good since its not intentional or well explored/resolved, but definitely accurate in a lot of ways.

I've always thought Sakura's crush on Sasuke being a big chunk of her focus in life is a great example of this. Kishimoto writes it in because that's how he sees women: what else could they want other than a man? And he needs to show how desirable Sasuke is because his audience wants to see it, they're teenage boys after all and Sasuke's the cool anti-hero (Naruto's too goofy and the underdog at this point in the story for her to like him) so of course Sakura's in love with him. But, at the same time, Sakura's crush being so central in her life is quite accurate because, as a girl, you're socialised since you're very young to desire a certain type of man: the man all men want to be, because men want you to desire them. In this case, this is Sasuke: the cool, aloof, powerful shinobi from a prestigious clan, the strongest, top of the class guy.* You're told by all the media you consume, the stories you read, the comments your family makes and the relationships that are modelled for you in society in general that you exist to love a guy, to take care of him, that your biggest dream should be being worthy of that guy's love, because what else is there for a girl to aspire to? And as a girl you don't just accept it, because it's deeper and more ingrained than that: you actually want your life to look like that. Because all the other girls who already have that are so pretty, and when you smile people compliment you, and you're told that's where your worth lies, and you want to have worth and you want people to pay attention because it feels good. (That's why going after a guy like Sasuke, who is emotionally unavailable, is also very realistic: it feels better when it's hard won. it's like, "he isn't affectionate with anyone, so if he is affectionate with me, i've really got worth!" which is something we see Sakura feeling well into her marriage with Sasuke in Boruto, and it's very sad that she still accept such a behaviour after growing up.)

Even when you have other aspirations (becoming a ninja, in this case) you are just confronted with the idea that you will never be as strong/good/powerful as the men in your life (like you pointed out). The system has it in for you in the first place: it hasn't been designed for you to thrive. Your teacher doesn't push you as hard as he pushes the boys, he doesn't pay as much attention to you as he pays to the boys, and everyone always acts like you're defenceless in the batter field, not giving you a chance to prove yourself. So why shouldn't you feel like you maybe are less than the guys? If your teachers and your teammates see you that way, then maybe that's what you are. Can you really fault Sakura for believing that when so many women irl struggle with this immensely too? You're already taking a caretaker/disciplinarian role within your team because you're the girl, and you're only 13, so maybe you should stick to that, because that you're good at, and Kakashi praises you for not being difficult like the boys, because "boys will be boys" but Sakura-chan you're so easy to deal with!!! And then you find your niche, something you're good at (tho, ofc, it's not by coincidence that kishi's strongest women in Naruto are healers - tsunade and sakura - that in itself is already an essentialisation of female nature, but i won't get into it here, even tho it adds to everything) , and you work your ass off at that: you're not from a special clan, you have no special powers like Naruto or Sasuke, but you've become the strongest medic ninja and yet. That doesn't seem enough for the fandom to see your worth, you routinely get called weak and useless because subpar writing didn't give you enough chances to shine (even tho you have all the potential) exactly because your writer is misogynistic. yay When Sakura goes after Naruto to convince him to back down so they can kill Sasuke, of course she uses her womanhood as her weapon. Of course she tells him she likes him instead. It's desperate, it's flawed, it's even misguided, but she's been told all her life that's all she's got to offer, she's been told all her life that's what men will respond to and she's tried to keep up with them but she feels like she can't on her own terms (tho she can!!! she can she can she can), so she succumbs to the default way society tells her she has value. And Naruto defies a lot of things by saying no here, he defies even the patriarchy/comphetness he himself partook in as a child (by crushing on her, by wanting to be like Sasuke), and further solidifies himself as an extremely compelling male protagonist IMO (Kishimoto misses a lot but he didn't miss here, but anyways i'm not analysing naruto rn ahah);

This is just another way Boruto (the show) actively tarnishes Naruto's characters. Unfortunately, there was space for things to be resolved differently. With the ending of Naruto, we could have imagined something else for Sakura: she could have grown out of her crush on Sasuke, realised her worth, that her life doesn't need to revolve around him and invested her time in becoming whatever it is that she wants to become, but instead..... Sakura becomes a housewife who abandons her own aspirations as a ninja to be a sometimes-useful-prop in a narrative about another boy, she's gotten married to an emotionally unavailable man that doesn't really love her and is never around, and yet she still pines over him after years of neglect and pretends to be satisfied (but isn't really, who would be?) by the tiniest slither of affection and of course, A CHILD. Because that's all women are for, and all that they should aspire to in the next stage of their lives: why wouldn't she be happy now that she has a kid with Sasuke? She even says it herself.

Tbh it's all a bit gross! But in a way, realistic, since unfortunately this is the life of a lot of women out there. Also don't come for me for this take, the things i'm saying are informed by my own experiences growing up as a girl. Ofc there's nothing wrong with choosing a more domestic life as a woman, that's clearly not what i'm critiquing here.

TL;DR; She is so girlhood !!!!

*this is damaging to Sasuke too, as we know, because it incentivises a flat, superficial, unkind view of who he is as a person that overlooks his traumas, pressures him to play a role and limits who he is/what he needs and deserves in a friend/partner too. That patriarchy is damaging to men themselves is not news tho, it's the same for men in real life.

[skyfallscotland]

Seriously Amy? It’s not like we’re not all in love with Xaden and you had him write *that* love letter? I literally could not stop smiling!!!!

I need ch 9 AND 10….this reunion might just be one of the top remixaden scenes.

Speaking of which….what are your top 3 Remi/xaden scenarios?

I'm sorry haha, I thrive on making him a perfect(ly flawed) human being, ok?

I have to choose? 😭 Haha

The reunion/following conversation/day IS one of my top three, for sure. I feel like I'm already going to forget some of their F&F scenes? I'm going to cheat and do three from both (yes, that means multiple sneak peeks so buckle up). I think it kind of says a lot upon reflection that most of my favourite scenes/quotes are from times where they're intimate but openly communicating 🥺

In F&F definitely when Rem first manifests her signet and she's crying and overstimulated and he's laughing but comforting her all the same.

I flinch, closing my eyes against tears as he turns back toward me. “Remi,” he says gently. “Look at me.” I shake my head, keeping my eyes firmly shut as the tears spill over, running down my cheeks. He laughs softly and I shake as I feel his hands on my face, pulling me close. “Angel,” he says quietly, “why are you crying?” “I don’t know,” I whimper as he holds me to him, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

Maybe the scene by the lake where she threatens him?

“And Xaden?” My voice is gentle and he freezes in place, only a foot away. He turns his head, barely glancing over his shoulder. I let my hand shoot forward, pressing the dagger I’ve palmed from my corset against his spine. “You don’t ever speak to, or handle me, so disrespectfully ever again.” I tell him warningly, holding his gaze. “There are so many things I could do to you that would still leave Sgaeyl intact.”

And when he tells her he loves her 🥺

“I love you, Remi.” He skates a gentle hand across my cheek and my heart begins to pound in my chest. “So much.” He cradles my face as his onyx eyes hold my gaze. “I love you in a way I never thought possible. You’re—you’re everything to me. I’d��burn the world for you.” I swallow hard, blinking back tears. I’d known already that he loved me—I could tell from his actions and the way he always held me like I was something precious. I didn’t need the words, but… “I love you too, Xaden. You’re my stars,” I tip my head back so he can kiss me again, softer this time, “my centre of gravity.” I whisper. “I love you more than anything.” He presses his forehead to mine, clutching me tightly like if he blinks, I’ll disappear. “Promise me you won’t leave.” He begs quietly. “Promise me.” “I already told you,” I whisper softly, “for as long as you love me in return, you’ll never be alone again.” It breaks my heart that he’s still so convinced I’m going to hate him—that he believes there’s no possibility that I’ll stay.

In T&T definitely the reunion and the scene that follows, for which I'm keeping the best lines to myself for now, because I want you all to experience them in context, but... (Ch9-10)

“I don’t know.” I admit quietly and his expression shutters. “We need to talk about it—about so many things.” I tell him. “I can’t figure this out on my own.” It took me a while to realise that. “But what I do know is that I love you.” I tell him firmly. “Xaden,” I cup his jaw gently, “as long as you love me in return—” “I’ll never be alone again.” He whispers, finishing my sentence like it’s a common refrain, something he’s repeated to himself over and over, and I close my eyes for a second, willing myself not to cry.

This moment in (approximately) Ch14? I think? Where they have both fucked up.

“I thank Amari every day that you gave me a second chance, because no one else will ever meet my standards. I know exactly how strong you are, Remi Sorrengail.” I bury my face in his neck, trying to force back the tears that prick my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I choke out, trembling slightly against him. “I feel like I let you down.”   “No, angel.” He says quietly, cradling me close. “You didn’t let me down.” His arms tighten around me. 

And this whole scene where Remi almost dislocates her hip, that looks like it's going to sit around Ch17-ish

“Come here.” He slides away and in a second he’s hovering over me, pulling my leg out straight. His hands gently manoeuvre me this way and that, his thumbs kneading my thigh. “Stretch it out and then we can try again.”  I huff. “I’ve killed the mood already.” I mutter. “What’s the point?”  He stops, lacing his hands together over my thigh and then drops his chin down on top of them as he stares up at me amusedly. “Bold of you to assume you know how I feel.” He challenges.  “Are you still hard?”  “Are you in charge?”  We stare at each other for a moment before my lips twitch, just slightly, and then he’s grinning, dragging his teeth over the skin at the top of my thigh as I laugh softly. “Stop being a brat.” He chides, nipping gently as he pushes himself up, crawling over me. “Follow the rules.”

And yes, in case you were wondering that's just the tip of the iceberg and I plan to ruin you all xx 😇