#and puts on a lil show for jesper

[dasiesanddarkness]

there's this guy at my parents church that can play like thirteen different instruments because his job has him travel a lot and when he goes to new places he finds new instruments and buys them and gets locals to teach him how to play and honestly thats so Wylan Van Eck of him

[happyhauntt]

— april fic recs, brought to you by happyhauntt.

it's that time again! a wee fic rec post for a few of the fics i read in april that altered my brain chemistry!! i've put a lil comment next to each rec because honestly writers don't get praised enough for their work these days and i wanted to show my appreciation for these talented souls!!

criminal minds.

➡ spencer reid.

in every other life by @irndad. notes: adorableness incarnate honestly.

trouble almost all my life series by @januaryembrs. notes: might honestly have to put this on every masterlist til the end of time.

forgiven by @reiding-writing. notes: um HOW DARE YOU i sobbed my way through this

grishaverse.

➡ kaz brekker.

breakfast by @sophierequests. notes: look i'm a simple human i see badass characters and i fall in love

➡ jesper fahey.

i'm your gal by @atlabeth. notes: NOT ENOUGH JESPER FICS and this one is GLORIOUS

star wars.

➡ poe dameron.

the f-word by @the-little-ewok. notes: i reread this constantly pls it's so good

moon knight.

➡ marc spector.

i should've been there by @januaryembrs. notes: not em out here ruining my life and making me sob AGAIN you simply never miss

9-1-1.

➡ evan buckley.

take my hand by @redocity. notes: cute cute cute cute cute

emergency room by redocity. notes: the ANGST i feel well-fed

won't say i'm falling by @borntobewondering. notes: this was DELICIOUS

➡ buck / eddie.

a bleeding sun on a silver screen by @hoediaz / rarakiplin on ao3. notes: i was fully choking back sobs while reading this. i binged this fic in less than 24 hours and it has changed something fundamental inside me. i will never be the same person again. i'm billing you for my therapy.

good luck, babe by @hattalove. notes: i cackled my way through this, potentially the funniest shit ever.

hate to say i spent it all on masquerades by hattalove. notes: i sobbed and sobbed and sobbed while reading this. this fic is everything to me, it should be required reading for all my friends who want to understand me, it is beautiful and magical and i want it tattooed on my face.

don't wanna let you love somebody else but me by @shitouttabuck / fleetinghearts on ao3. notes: sheer adorableness i will well recover from this!!!!

tried and true blue by shitouttabuck / fleetinghearts on ao3. notes: SCREAMING I'M SCREAMING I MAY NEVER STOP SCREAMING

like a dog with a bird at your door by shitouttabuck / fleeting hearts on ao3. notes: iconic. truly iconic. quite possibly one of my fav fics ever written.

let the world have its way with you by shitouttabuck / fleeting hearts on ao3. notes: you don't understand how hard it was not to include every single one of shitouttabuck's fics on this list and there will almost certainly be more in future but i just want them tattooed on my forehead i feel insane

i have dreams where i kiss you and it's pink by shitouttabuck / fleeting hearts on ao3. notes: the cutest and i mean THE CUTEST shit ever

all my shattered oaths by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: i sobbed. i sobbed so hard i think i burst something honestly. everything from this author is immaculate but THIS is the holy fuckin grail and i will truly never be the same again.

let my ink stain your pages by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: castle au CASTLE AU i'm a sucker for a castle au and this is EVERYTHING

even in winter there is eranthis by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: i think about this fic daily.

your love is an oil slick by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: this is everything this is EVERYTHING to me i will reread this weekly for the rest of my life

even the darkest night by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: stardust au STARDUST AU aka my favourite movie and my favourite ship combined into a fuckin masterpiece

curl up in my heart and let me keep you by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: soft sweet my brain is mushy and i adore this

hoping it gets to you by @bucktommys / hammersmiths on ao3. notes: cute adorable stunning MAGNIFICENT

you're my whole house by @/bucktommys / hammersmiths on ao3. notes: THIS FIC OUT HERE MAKIN ME SQUEAL AND KICK MY LEGS

left unsaid by c_m2 on ao3. notes: this is mcfuckin adorable i'm crying buck deserves everything in the world

say yes to heaven by dylaesthetics on ao3. notes: okay full disclosure this made me cry so much i threw up. also it hit some pretty intense trauma for me. still so glad i read it because it was also kinda healing. and i want everyone else to suffer like i have because fuck i suffered.

if i need to rearrange my particles, i will for you by dylaesthetics on ao3. notes: author you will always be famous bc you're knocking my emotional stability OUTTA THE PARK

honestly, truly, completely by dylaesthetics on ao3. notes: simply fuckin adorable

feels like magic by 42hrb on ao3. notes: there's nothing i adore more than an urban fantasy au and this one is EXQUISITE

fallin' into your ocean eyes by princessfbi on ao3. notes: okay every part of this au is absolutely fuckin perfection i am so deeply in love with it

until now by tearsthissideofheaven on ao3. notes: a reincarnation au??? it's like you know how to ruin my life

if i never hear your voice again by @actualalligator. notes: disability rep!!!! brilliant writing!!!!

life sure can try to put love through it by @capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: ahahaha ruin my life why don't you

sometimes its hard to see what the future holds by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: olympics buddie au??? didn't know i wanted it but now i can't live without it

all good things come to an end (but it's not the end) by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: i will, in fact, devour every buddie!fwb au ever written but this one is especially great

you smiled and it was the most beautiful thing that I'd ever seen by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: coffee shop!buddie have become everything to me wdym

it's funny 'cause i've always dreamed of me and you by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: yes i did sob my heart out reading this and i'll do it again

'cause darling, you're the one by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: icymi i think this author is the best author to ever exist and i want to devour everything they write forever

i don't think that we should have friendly sex, anymore by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: !!!!!!! that's it that's the note. brain: faye you can't put this many fics by the same author on one masterlist. faye: bET-

still i call it magic (when i'm next to you) by @clusterbuck / lecornergirl on ao3. notes: urban fantasy is, in fact, my shit.

(this kiss is) something i can't resist by @/clusterbuck / lecornergirl on ao3. notes: NO BC THIS HAD ME CACKLING AND ALSO IT'S BRILLIANT

give me five more minutes, baby (i'm not finished loving you) by @/clusterbuck / lecornergirl on ao3. notes: fake dating or immaculate writing??? both

cuffing season by @/clusterbuck / lecornergirl on ao3. notes: i am still laughing at this and i may never stop

[bitchinbarzal]

Okay but like can we please get the part two of Mat and Mama’s fight 🥺 that broke my heart

Mat had been riddled with guilt all day long. After practice when he’d returned home to relieve Lola, your nanny of her duties with the kids.

Ivy hadn’t said much to him, silently avoiding him.

When he put Ryder down for his afternoon nap he found Ivy sitting in the living room watching Bluey on the tv.

“Hey Princess”

She looks up at him from her pile of blankets, clutching her Sparky stuffed teddy

“Hi daddy” she mumbles, her eyes never leave the screen.

He sits next to her, arm draped over the back of the couch.

“You wanna talk about what’s going on in that lil head of yours?” Mat asks, poking her head which pulls a giggle from Ivy.

She looks up at him, your eyes looking back at him as she asked “Are you and mommy not love each other anymore?”

Mat’s heart broke and he let out a shaky breath “Of course not baby, I love mommy so much”

“Why do you shout then?”

“I don’t know princess… I guess I’m just upset with mommy sometimes and that’s ok! You get upset with Ry sometimes, right?” He nudges her and she shrugs

“I guess”

“Well sometimes me and mommy get mad at one another but that doesn’t mean I don’t love her” he explains and Ivy hums in response

“I love your mommy so much ives, no matter what! Momma could be so mad at me and I’m still gonna love her so so much because she’s my best friend in the whole wide world”

The little girls head quirks to the side “she’s your best friend? I thought that was uncle Tito?”

Mat’s head shakes “Mama’s my best friend forever”

Ivy seems satisfied with his answer and goes back to her show.

That night there’s a game at the rock so you won’t be home until late. The kids don’t typically go to devils games unless one of the wives or girlfriends take them, it’s a somewhat established rule that Mathew should not attend Devils games as it can be seen as disrespectful to the islanders organization.

So it was a pleasant surprise to Ivy when Mat tells her to get ready after dinner, both kids are dressed in a devils jersey with their last name on it and the number 13.

Ryder’s in a carrier on Mathew’s chest while he sits in the stands next to a very excited Ivy who keeps telling everyone “My mommy’s on the bench! She’s a doctor!”

And “I know them! That’s my uncle Nico!”

There were a few confused and excited hockey fans when they saw him. The in house event team were having a field day once the puck dropped.

The jumbotron panned over to your family at one point and you were too busy watching the game so Nathan shouted

“Hey Barzal! Tell ivy we love the support!”

You frown until Jesper points you up to the jumbo tron. There is Mat, Ivy and Ryder all smiling and Ivy’s holding a sign that says

Go Devils, Go! + Mommy!

You smile and shake your head “That family of mine”

Once the game ends you make your way to the medical room to see to those boys choosing to come down who ends up being Vitek, Jesper and Nico.

“I saw the kids out there tonight” Nico mumbles while you do stretches on his leg.

You smile “Yeah i saw them on the jumbotron, Mat must’ve brought them — I told them to go home Ry would’ve been asleep second period and Ivy looked like she was so close to sleep”

It’s late by the time you get home, the light in your bedroom is the only one on. You shrug off your coat and take off your shoes before tiptoeing up to Ivy’s room and kissing her sleeping head then into Ryder’s room to do the same.

By the time you enter your bedroom Mat is sitting up in bed waiting for you. You don’t say anything, slipping into the bathroom to shower and changing into your pyjamas.

Once you’re finished and re-enter your bedroom Mathew is still sitting there just looking at you.

“What’re you staring at?” You question, slipping in under the sheets.

Mat smiles “My beautiful wife”

You Huff “If that’s your way of apologizing, it’s shitty”

He frowns, pulling your hand into his and angling his body towards you

“You’re my best friend, I love you and I’m sorry”

His words, while not long were heavy and you knew he meant them.

You don’t respond, he doesn’t need a reply. Instead you let go of his hand and shimmy down so your head is rested on the pillow, Mat does the same.

You’re both facing one another and he leans over to kiss you slow, your emotions pour into the simple kiss.

Every ounce of anger, sadness, lust and happiness poured into each other. Mat’s hand gripped the back of your thigh and urged you to flip on top of him, straddling his waist.

Once the two of you pulled away, giggling like school children You mumbled “Thank You for bringing them tonight, it meant the world to me”

“Lou’s definitely gonna kick my ass tomorrow, but it’s worth it — you’re worth it baby”

“I love you, mat”

“I love you, angel”

[its-all-ineffable]

Fandom Focus #43

Oh how things have changed...I even have a whole NEW fandom I'm into, which is coming up first...

Dead Boy Detectives - So I kept seeing stuff about this on here and thought I'd give it a try in a few weeks. And then I got over-excited and binged it all in one night, and OMG SO FUCKING GOOD! What the hell did they put in this show, cause it's fucking addictive. Everyone go and watch it right now! I adore the main four (Crystal, Charles, Edwin & Niko) and their group dynamics and all the ships and...just go watch it!!

X-Men (Cherik mainly) - I don't even remember what started me on this but I'm back on my Cherik bullshit, reading fics and watching edits, and I re-watched First Class (thee BEST X-Men movie in my opinion) and I'm just...so into everything Charles and Erik atm.

Interview With the Vampire 2022 - OMG SEASON 2 IN A WEEK!!! I am so fucking excited, I am bursting. It's going to be such a good season I can feel it in my bones - I am LIVING for it!

Jurassic Park - I've been on one, and been re-watching the first two movies a LOT....just the best movie franchise ever (to me) and I wrote my uni assessment from the POV of the Doe T-Rex in The Lost World. Love the whole franchise but those first two movies just hit different for me.

IT movies - Yeah I did a re-watch of them. Wrote some more of my IT fic. Read a lot of Reddie fics. Massively obssessed with them still.

Young Royals still has it's own lil space carved in my brain! And Six of Crows/Shadow & Bone has a grip too (Jesper and Erik's powers? Kaz and Erik's demeanors? Maybe I need to write a SoC and X-Men cross-over?)

[wesperbrekkered]

Got *sorta* tagged for a 2023 round up by @jackwolfes so, here we go!

stats

22 fics posted on ao3

193,494 words posted on ao3

210,013 words written

82,471 hits in total

7,707 kudos in total

810 comment threads

top five most popular ao3 fics

Of Lies and Rash Decisions: 41,430 words, 15,953 hits, 867 kudos, 236 comment threads, 333 bookmarks.

AU where Jesper WAS actually sent to kill Wylan during the Book!Wesper first meet, only Jesper never actually goes through with the deed.

Of Merchlings and Letters Home: 23,923 words, 12,972 hits, 978 kudos, 121 comment threads, 323 bookmarks.

Jesper tells his father he has a boyfriend so he'd stop worrying about him. Now Colm wants to meet said boyfriend. Only problem? Jesper doesn't have a boyfriend. What he does have is a best friend he's madly in love with that he just might have told his father he was dating.

Flair For The Dramatics: 30,804 words, 5,559 hits, 396 kudos, 115 comment threads, 123 bookmarks.

Wylan should have died when he fell (once again) from a ship. His saviour however, is *not* what he would have expected. He's now forced to put aside his superstitions and general disbelief if he wants any chance of getting free of the deserted island.

I Wish You Meant It: 1,382 words, 5,405 hits, 800 kudos, 22 comment threads, 154 bookmarks.

rewrote the Jesper kisses Kuwei scene from Wylan's point of view

You got me wrapped around your finger (not that I'm complaining) : 2,117 words, 4,750 hits, 610 kudos, 20 comment threads, 123 bookmarks.

Jesper decides to teach Wylan how to shoot. Unfortunately for him, Wylan has a rather nice pair of hands and looks way too hot wielding his gun.

WIPs I'm hoping to share by end of Dec

Tangled In Your Web: Wesper Spiderverse AU. Currently at 5,084 words.

Of Hidden Truths And Drastic Actions: Show!Wesper handling key Book!Wesper scenes. Currently at 2,505 words. Aiming to get the first chapter posted, covering the Van Rck reveal.

Of Latte Art and Sweet Suggestions: Wesper 5+1 Coffeeshop AU. Five times Jesper failed at asking Wylan out and One time Wylan succeeded. Currently at 5,417 words.

To Capture Perfections Muse: Established Wesper fluff. Modern AU. Currently at 2,057 words.

And what's hopefully coming early next year

I have my mock exams in February so this is more of a wishlist than a prediction. But let's hope!

The Longest Hour: E rated wesper cowboy au. Chap 7 will definitely be here in the new year, I'd like to get it fully finished by April hopefully.

Of Hidden Truths And Drastic Actions: I'd like to get at least 2 more chapters out before April, covering the just girls scene and the kuwylan reveal. If we're lucky we'll also get the 'that's not all I want'

My other au's will be on the back-burner for now as I'm in my final year so I've got mocks in Feb, oral exams in April and the *big* finals in June, so who knows what will happen.

Remember to feel free to ask about anything in the lil ask box, I do enjoy brain rotting when I'm procrastinating!

[the-blade-and-the-brush]

So I was in that weird place in between asleep and awake, and I couldn’t stop thinking bout this so here is:

✨The Crows as other birds✨

Kaz - a Raven

C’mon, I don’t think this one needs much explanation, if any of them would be a crow, it would be this man. I feel like a raven is like a step up from a crow?

Inej - an Owl

At first I thought she could be a hummingbird, but I think an owl is a better fit. I once heard that owls wings are so soft, they absorb sound, so their prey never hear them coming. A majestic, silent killer—— it just fits

Jesper - a Roadrunner

Idk why, but this one just made immediate sense to me 😂 like, the vibe just fits, ya know? Especially thinking of the looney tunes version roadrunner. The absolute level of chaos it creates is very fitting for Jesper

Wylan - a Seagull

Is just a cute lil guy, who could absolutely fuck up your day with the right motivations

Nina - a Puffin

Puffins are pretty friendly, but they are birds of prey. So me thinks an adorable, friendly killer fits the bill for Nina pretty well

Matthias - a Bluejay

Idk, the vibe just fits lol

I hope this isn’t too blasphemous for the fandom. I have read the books, I just used the pictures from the show ‘cause I felt like it

Put it in the tags if you think any of them would be another type of bird

[thewingedwolf]

i am rewatching shadow & bone bc, once again, i am a parody of myself, and i really am so fond of Mal in the show, i am deeply nervous about how he’ll be written in s2 lol. not as nervous about almost everyone else - i say ALMOST bc i was not impressed with the way Jesper & Nina weren’t shown to be bisexual, like, at all, & while i think it was just clumsy writing & not malice (the same as the clumsy way they wrote Alina’s race), that doesn��t mean it’ll get better lol. also pls understand i spend half my time shitting on the darklng, ben barnes does an excellent job reminding me why i hate that bitch okayyyy

Mal already knows that Alina’s tent with the other cartographers was moved, and knows where it moved. We first see him fighting but seems like he got there, immediately attempted to find Alina, figured out she had been moved and was wandering around, then said fuck it she’ll find me or i’ll find out she got thrown in lock up again, and decided to go beat someone up so he could show off his kruge in front of her lmao

Alina is interested in the grisha. she’s smiling and curious, clearly thinks Zoya looks cool af (she’s right, Zoya is cool af). Mal spends the entire time frowning at them lol. Could be bc a grisha just crashed his party, could be mal’s general dislike of grisha and the upper class. it’s very funny either way that he just Refuses to smile until Alina distracts him

Alina experiencing A Racism but still thinking quick enough so her team can eat makes me emo but also Mal immediately being like “time to commit some crimes” every single time someone is racist to Alina is so great, get u a real man like Mal

Racism is done very messily in the show and i’m hoping it improves bc like - Zoya is insulated from most racism due to her status, but we still get that comment about “YOU from Novokribirsk?” comment from another Grisha, which seemed like a pretty obvious slight at her being Suli. Alina experiences racism everywhere she goes from nearly everyone she meets - random cooks, cartographers, servants, Zoya, and the Darkling himself. Even Genya sort of brushes off the comment about her eyes as like, typical bullying and not something very different & much more insidious. Mal looks uncomfortable at the anti Shu Han propaganda & I think that’s it? Which feels weird bc he doesn’t have the class protection Zoya has, but maybe he doesn’t *look Suli* culturally the way Zoya and Inej clearly do. Or are Mal AND Alina both supposed to be Shu Han? We know from Inej and Nina (and maybe Zoya, idk, i never read king of scars bc i would have to acknowledge Matthias & David’s deaths and I refuse) that the Suli are still mistreated on a legal level in addition to social, but are maybe treated marginally better than the Shu that live in Ravka, bc Ravka is in an active war against Shu Han. Is that the difference in what Mal experienced vs what Alina does? lol or i’m overthinking something that clearly wasn’t thought out very well before they put it in the show. I just like. Do Not think Mal is meant to be a white Ravkan, firstly bc Archie isn’t a white brit, and secondly because - look at him aksjdjd that is not a man that can really pass for white. I hope they handle Alina’s background better, especially since she’ll be interacting with other Shu characters, in s2 but i also want an explanation for Mal’s background!!!

I do think it’s funny that the sickness grisha get if they don’t use their powers is very informed in the show. Mal makes a few comments about Alina being sick all the time but she doesn’t actually look or act sick at any point in the show aksksk

Mal is so strong, like the dude is fuckin ripped, a fucking volcra tries to rip Alina away and he’s just like “yeah i can take this bitch with one hand” aksjsj

I feel bad for that lil blond boy that clearly has a thing for Alina lmao he really tries to stick up for her and she does not even notice a little bit and then he dies bc West Ravka is like “anyways don’t get captured even tho we’re at war with half the world and you have no resources, crew, or family over here” ya, they’re way better than Old Ravka smh (Zlatan is just as big of a bitch as the king and darklng dammit)

Interesting that Zoya only gets shitty with Alina after both the Darklng & Mal clearly choose her over Zoya. Mal she probably doesn’t gaf about, but it definitely stung her pride that she can’t even pull an orphan from Keramzin but Alina can. Before that tho, even if she’s thrown by Alina, she clearly sees Alina as One Of Us. She even looks visibly annoyed when everyone starts laughing at Alina and her “i’m a mapmaker” response & seems to pick up on the implied racism of the “what are you” question. It’s an annoying response that after being rejected, Zoya uses that racism against Alina to put her in her place but like…I guess it’s not wildly ooc? bleh.

Ivan and Fedyor purposefully ignoring the Shu Of It All when talking about power and privilege is 100% why Alina takes so long to trust the grisha, and so easily turns against the Darklng imo. For all they understand the danger of being Grisha, for all Ivan wants to lecture Alina about her privilege at dinner, none of them even bother to understand what it’s like now, right now, for the poor of Ravka. You serve in the army & let the Darklng indoctrinate you with his nonsense, or you flee like the mother in the first episode does, taking your chances with the slavers & the volcra & the Fjerdans. There are no good choices for the grisha, no good choices for the non grisha peasantry, and Alina’s entire existence, from the never ending racism she experiences, to the death and starvation she’s surrounded by, is a constant reminder how few choices that exist no matter if you’re grisha or not.

So like, most of the bad guys have Weird Foreign Accents and I dislike it. All the Ravkans should have Russian accents but it’s only Fedyor & a few mean servants that do. The Fjerdans all have accents. Pekka has an accent. Everyone else is just a brit, including people in Kerch, even tho they don’t even speak the same language as the Ravkans do, they speak Kerch! Why does Kaz not have some country bumpkin accent dammit

“When our closest friend is in trouble, we do foolish things.” Smash cut to Kaz doing the Dumbest shit in an attempt to protect Inej from Heleen l m a o it’s not one whipped bitch in this show it’s two (it’s three actually, Matthias just hasn’t shown up yet lmao)

When Mal & Alina are both envisioning each other & reach out to hold the others’ hand, hundreds of miles away but desperate for comfort, THAT was the moment i fell for them. Archie & Jessie are just so Powerful okay aksjdjd

feels more obvious in retrospect that he’s not trying to train her to do anything but answer to him. he doesn’t even bother preparing her for the king bc he knows he can amplify her powers, so long as she’s not fighting him.

I do not buy Baghra’s insistence that Alina’s feelings for Mal hold her back. She’s able to summon her powers when she’s angry, and Baghra takes that short cut by continuously pissing Alina off. But Alina also uses her powers whenever she thinks of protecting Mal; she protects him on the skiff & when she remembers trying to run away with him for protection, she can summon a bit of her power. It’s Alina’s compassion that gives her abilities, but Baghra has spent so much time nurturing her own bitterness, watching her son nurture his anger, it just never occurs to her that Alina’s strength comes from her desire to protect the people she loves. Alina goes from wanting solely to protect Mal to channeling her power through her anger and rejection & Baghra treats it like a win but it’s just another shortcut that clearly makes her more susceptible to the Darklng whispering in her ear, not less, and if Baghra had any goddamn sense, she would have seen that she was making her son’s job easier. But like, the darklng didn’t just come out of nowhere lmao, and you can clearly see where he gets his defeatist, manipulative, and bleak ass outlook on life from.

As a certified Matthias stan still refusing to acknowledge the end of crooked kingdom, i think it is genuinely so funny that Mal gets chest wound after gut wound after chest wound in s1 and shrugs it off, but Matthias gets shot one (1) time and dies immediately & cannot be saved by the most powerful heartrender that ever lived. leigh PLS

“you are my true north and i can see my way to you now” IM JUST.

Genya has to hurt Alina’s feelings by lying about Mal, then immediately and smoothly changes the subject to something that will make Alina laugh. She knows she has to betray Alina and she tries her hardest to soften the blow, encourages Alina to return to the blue kefta instead of going too hard towards the Darkling so she has the protection of a color and a people, warns her as best as she can to be wary of the Darklng, even while she’s helping isolate Alina from anyone who could help her escape. i’m so depressed about Genya.

Enter David and Genya loses her damn mind ansjsjdjdjd Alina is doing miracle sun summoning and Genya just watches David the whole time, who probably cannot fucking believe his luck that his weird ass boss for ONCE is letting him hang out with the meanest, coolest, smartest person in the palace instead of Ivan & Fedyor, who spend all their time flirting with each other and bullying him

Fjerda is lichrally trying to commit genocide against the grisha & Shu Han does…some jacked up shit to their grisha lol, and i did a whole post about how the Darklng is just more of the same, but so is Baghra. All their talk of looking out for Grisha, but they both treat the peasantry of Ravka as disposable. Nikolai is theeeee only valid ruler specifically bc he does think of the cost to the peasantry & to the grisha before he makes decisions (something his father and his brother also don’t do lol). And both Baghra & Aleksander allow this “us vs them” bs to permeate through their own people - no grisha healers help the first army, and Ivan reads the dead but glosses over the Otkazat'sya deaths to focus on the grisha. but this is on purpose - if you make the grisha other the Otkazat'sya, you can easily turn them against one another. neither baghra nor aleksander ever work towards like, actual freedom for the grisha by building bridges and relationships between the grisha and the Otkazat'sya, they just turn the grisha into weird, insular child soldiers.

Alina realizing she can just swing on the racists now love that for her

Mal tends to deal with his feelings for Alina bubbling to the surface by purposefully breaking the tension; closing his eyes & going to sleep when they’re thrown in the brig, cracking a joke about going to Ketterdam when he steals her food. But their convo in the woods after they’re reunited is the first time he doesn’t try it - you can almost see he wants to, when she says she cheated on the grisha test bc she didn’t want to leave him, his whole brain short circuits at what it could mean, and it’s a moment where he might have purposefully broken the tension but instead he takes a minute to think before he tries to open up abiut his own feelings - only to get derailed & heartbroken by the realization that the stag drawing wasn’t Alina trying to communicate with him, but Aleksander manipulating & isolating her. But he still doesn’t break the tension - he lets Alina hold him, and he holds her in return, & stops running from his feelings for real this time.

I do find it so funny how Aleksander sees David raising his hand to speak, initially starts to tell him to knock it off, and then realizes David will not understand why Ivan and him find it annoying & just decides to choose his battles aksjjdjd.

Also, him going through the five stages of grief when he realizes Mal & Alina are together, and overdramtigcally monologuing about the orphans of Keramzin being reunited to this random dude who has no idea wtf he’s talking about. Perfect, no notes.

Episode 7 is just very well written. All the conversations are tense, all the action is painful, all the acting is amazing. From David half in tears as he helps enslave Alina, all the anger going out of Alina when she realizes the king was raping Genya, Genya’s guilt & shame over her own hand in betraying Alina stopping her from talking even though she’s usually so composed, Mal’s helpless snarl when he says Aleksander will wish he’d killed him, even Aleksander’s inability to look Alina in the eyes because he knows she’s right to hate him it’s just that he thinks she’s a justifiable sacrifice. Meanwhile the Crows are being the most chaotic idiots ALIVE akskdkdk just perfect, excellent writing.

What i think is interesting is that Alina makes the hypocrisy argument to Genya, and it works. Genya appeals to Alina’s compassion when she admits the king has been raping her, but Alina pieces together that Aleksander placed her in front of the king to begin with. Not a soldier, just a pawn. And Genya is so struck by this argument she has no counter; she just leaves in tears. Alina tries this with Aleksander as well, to get him to see the hypocrisy in his actions - of killing the king because the king is a monster, yet using the fold as a weapon. It has the complete opposite effect because whereas Genya is aware on some level that she’s being used, Aleksander is so far removed from his own experiences as a pawn, as a target, he can’t see her point.

“all countries will answer to us. for who would oppose us now?”

means Something to me that Immediately after that nasty comment from that heartrender, Zoya sees another Suli girl (who, if we remember, someone she is friends with just called Suli trash before getting got by said Suli girl) who is about to be killed, witnesses the destruction of her home and what she will find is the death of the only person who ever loved her as a child, and makes the decision to betray the only stability she’s ever known for the glimmer of hope that Alina can offer her.

It’s also exactly what I mean when I say I hope we get an explanation for Mal’s background. In Inej’s chapters we get the sense that the Suli are a people that draw close together, even outside Ravka. Her curse on Bajan clearly hits him hard; even clearly trying to assimilate into Kerch culture, the thought that his Suli ancestors may forsake him for harming a fellow Suli really gets under his skin. So in the show, what I love is we get a small exploration of this bond that exists between all Suli as outsiders in their home countries - Zoya and Inej instinctively working together, Recognizing that bond in each other, with Inej even attempting to stop Zoya from going back to the ruins of the city, of wanting Zoya to stay with them. And Zoya, despite her pained history with her own people, despite her comments about Alina being [redacted], clearly returns those feelings. She’s so much warmer with Inej, and vice verse, then say, Jesper is with Mal (he’s not cold to Mal, he’s just Typical Jesper). The thing is - maybe you could argue Zoya and Mal kind of take a small interest in each other because they recognize the other is Suli, but Inej and Mal don’t really have that connection in the time they know each other, and Zoya and Mal are much more cordial with each other than Zoya and Inej are. OBVIOUSLY there are other factors at play. But. Whereas we get a hint of Zoya’s own complicated past, and Inej is defined by her ties to her culture, Mal doesn’t really show any of this beyond one single uncomfortable look at a Shu Han propaganda poster, and that’s likely more to do with Alina than his own background. I JUST THINK ITS WEIRD AND CLUMSY OKAY.

idek what to say about Alina’s amazing speech besides HELL YEAH THATS MY WIFE. she’s so fucking cool.

Ivan’s lil bitch ass being like “know your place” RIGHT AFTER Alina gives her “you asked WHAT I am” speech and then Jesper being like “i think the fuck not” and tossing him overboard. absolutely perfect i love that man.

Zoya looks so uncomfortable during the whole conversation by the fire. For the first time, she’s the outsider - the lone splash of color against the browns and blacks of the crows and malina. But when Zoya says she has to go back, Inej shoots up to stop her, and even Kaz attempts to dissuade her from what he thinks is no better than a suicide run. Since her childhood, Zoya has seemed alone, but just as her aunt stepped in to save her then, and the crows attempt to console her now, Zoya is never as alone as she feels.

And neither is Alina! Knowing where their stories end up going, i think it is interesting that both Zoya and Alina are very adaptable and very adept at making very loyal friends. Despite all the odds against them, with them being Suli and Shu, with Zoya being a huge bitch (which I love) and Alina constantly struggling with her own self worth, other people see just how amazing the two of them are and are willing to fight for them, with them, to be near them. Sankta Alina and the Grisha Queen. Wonderful.

[just2bubbly]

Could you make a recap of the s2 as you watch it

Hey, thank you for the ask- I have already posted something similar to this here, it's a lil passionate and disoriented with more emotions and less facts. If you want something more organized I can put a recap of the entire season here.

Warning: Spoilers for Shadow and Bone S2

The show starts right where they left it. Mal and Alina are traveling to Novyi Zem, they have plans to find the Sea Whip. In Ketterdam, Jesper, Kaz and Inej are framed for the murder of Tante Heleen by Pekka Rollins. He has also taken over the Crow Club. Kaz informs Nikolai about Alina's whereabouts in order to escape from the Stadwatch. Nina and Wylan gets recruited along the way. Alina somehow ends up Sturmhond's ship, unlike the book there is no Darkling here. Kaz has some revenge issues but we love him for that so yk, he is after Pekka and Inej and Jesper have some trust issues with Kaz. Pekka plays them quite well and Kaz blows up the Crow Club. The scenes play out just like the books. Here Per Haskell is shown different from Kaz in the terms of club. Kaz plays out Pekka just according to the books. In Ravka, the main action is quite similar to the books with Alina doing away with the Sea Whip and returning to the fold to destroy it, she fails spectacularly. Nikolai introduces himself as the second in line, the crows are appointed to find a sword Neshyenyer that was stolen by The Disciple (turns out his wife is a Saint) in order to kill the shadow monsters. They do get successful but not without the usual troubles and some rather emotional flashbacks. Genya and David made plans to run away from Darkling's abode but Genya gets caught only to end up in a dire state. David run aways to The Spinning Needle and tries to explain the scenario with his zero social skills ability, not to mention Vasily gets himself murdered with his own stupidity and Queen Tantiana gets what she deserved in the long run. Baghra and Genya make it till and Alina and Baghra being a moody teachers pulls her strings and clears Alina's head of romance and insane ideas. Baghra, Mal and Alina plan to go in search of the Firebird only to discover that Mal is the Firebird. With this short knowledge that could act as a leverage over Darkling, Baghra sacrifices herself to cut out the link between Alina and Aleksander. Darkling and his small yet powerful army of Grisha march down on Nikolai's army and lose in a passionate affair, some lives are lost. Alina finally decides to sacrifice Mal for 2 minutes and vanquish the fold but like always all plans go astray and she actually has to kill him. It turns out she is powerful enough to vanquish the Fold and kill Aleksander and use the cut. All ends well but the epilogue is sadder than anything so far, with everyone going their separate ways. The real trouble begins with Nikolai's mosters and the Jurda Parem, a potential chance for the third season if fates and Netflix allows. That would be more like a crossover between Six of Crows duology and King of Scars duology. Apart from that, the second season was more of the crows against Pekka Rollins and working as thieves to help save Ravka (Nikolai offered a handsome amount ;D) and the Shadow and Bone trilogy, altered at multiple places to make space for the crows. Otherwise the show was significant with good writing and might I mention amazing cast for all the characters, hope you get to see it sooner, Anon! :)

Also praying that the Saints give us a a third season!

[brainrotallthewaydown1312]

I'll start with the ones I have already accrued this year, it's already may so strap in. im organizing by fandom but other than that it's in no order. also I'm including ships as blorbos and the characters on their own, it's my list and i do what i want

Leverage

the single best crime show ever made. please watch it. my children. and no, i am not leaving anyone out

OT3 (Parker x Hardison x Eliot) (i will go down with this ship forever and it is canon in my heart. and according to John Rogers. and the actors. and my eyeballs)

Parker (chaos gremlin. also autism)

Hardison (my lil dude also chaos bisexual with adhd)

Eliot (my lil grump)

Sophie (the ot3 needed a parent and she does not disappoint)

Our Mr. Wilson (lil guy)

Breanna (funky nerd. i love her. and her ace space sticker makes me so happy)

Sterling (garbage man derogatory. i hate this insurance cop turned actual international cop with a passion. him being written so well will haunt me to my grave)

Chaos (funky lil weirdo. also can't go wrong with Wil Wheaton)

Merlin

the cavernous rot has been growing in my brain since I was 7 years old. and it has not stopped growing in the 15 years since. the day these blorbos go dormant is the day i die.

Merthur (obviously I'm not stupid i have eyes. i knew these fucks were gay before i knew i was gay. and before i knew what gay was)

Merlin (love the "baby gorl to tired grump" arc. also he is the peak of twink-for-title-character)

Arthur (pathetic damp kitten. i want to feed him decency through a little dropper. and maybe slap him round the head a bit. because he is dumb and also stupid)

Gwen (best character in this series. not favorite because i don't pick those but objectively best person and best written character)

Gwaine (obligatory bisexual with ADHD)

Lancelot (sad boy hours and also the only man with a braincell in the whole show. if you want this show to hurt more, watch it with the reading that Lance is in love with Merlin)

The Knights™ (they are like little puppies)

Morgana (tragically)

Aithusa (deserved better)

Gaius (i may have stolen my personality from him as a child. the world will never know)

Six of Crows

specifically the books and season 2 of the Netflix adaptation. nothing against it, but i never got into the rest of the grishaverse. just these goofs

Kaz Brekker (my child (derogatory) i picked up this series because i heard about him and i was right to do so. grumpy lil storm cloud with his dramatic ass crow cane. i want that cane so bad)

Inej (i relate to her growth and love her badassery)

Kanej (Kaz x Inej) (only straights in this series i support. grump for grump supremacy. they both need someone to put them in their place and this works perfectly. also the Angst™ hits different with these two)

Jesper (obligatory bisexual with adhd. dramatic bitch i love him)

Wylan (my child (affectionate) small kitten that deserves the world and got nothing. nothing and Jesper)

Wesper (Wylan x Jesper) (because obviously. also the fanfic of them that was the adaptation was adorable if entirely separate. if you only look at the show their romcom ass storyline is the perfect foil for whatever kanej have going on. they watered my crops for months.)

Kesper (Kaz and Jesper) (not my main ship for either of them and they aren't necessarily romantic or sexual but there is something queer here. i don't know what, but something. found family. queerplatonic. exes turned besties. something)

Nina (i love her so much. also give her a girlfriend yesterday. i honestly don't care which girlfriend, just any girlfriend)

Ted Lasso

This is my newest set of children but i love them so much. this show has knocked me off my feet

Roy Kent (grump of the year. i am stealing several of his lines both as vocal stims and as personal catchphrases)

Jamie Tartt (it's the growth for me. and he is baby girl. also obligatory chaos bisexual with adhd)

Keeley Jones (the smartest one on the show i swear to God. i will die on that hill. they all need therapy and Keeley is the closest a lot of them get for a long time. until Sharon)

RoyJamieKeeley (i will go down with this ship in my clown makeup after that korrasami ass ending) (also the ship names in this fandom are absolute shit. where's the creativity? the flavor?)

Ted (obviously but i do love him so much. he reminds me a lot of the friend that got me into this show)

Beard (i haven't related to a character so much in a long time. he's quiet and he's in the background but he's still important and he's always on top of everything because he's an observer. but he's a mess himself. i wish we had gotten more of him)

Nate (joker arc and all)

Rebecca (girlboss)

Higgens (i love how everyone is so intense in one way or another and higgens is just a dude™)

Sam Obisanya (i just got him but if anything happens to him i will kill everyone)

Dani Rojas (i love this goofy ADHD little fucker. i love how bouncy and small he is and i love how he says his own name like a little pokemon)

Trent Crimm (sarcastic, bitter, gay, old man trying to be better? that's several of my boxes. and his hair is perfect)

tedependant (Ted x trent, also know as the singular acceptable ship name in this whole fandom. it's like the straights beat us to all of them except this one) (I'm not even to the point where there is a lot to go on, but this ship is adorable. they are a perfect sunshine/raincloud couple especially with Trent's season 3 arc which i have been told about before getting to)

Phoebe (she gets RoyJamie together by asking a kid question or saying something innocent that clicks it into place for them, fight me)

Puppet History

i did not expect to get so hype about this series when i got into it but here we are

the professor (need i say more)

Descendants

my friend has a recurring hyperfixation with these movies and the fandom and i got dragged into it this time around. and honestly, no regrets. Kenny Ortega can do no wrong

Uma (i love her)

Harry Hook (obligatory chaos bisexual with adhd. "i never learned to count because I'm number one" ass bitch)

Ben (begrudgingly because he is a little flat, but harry can fix that)

Benry (Ben x Harry) (see above)

Malvie (Evie x Mal. Mal is my least favorite character that i actually like but this ship. it just makes sense)

Umal (Uma x Mal. also just makes sense)

Jay (best himbo boy)

Carlos (my lil guy)

Dude (i am stealing him from Carlos)

Gil (Himbo²)

Gay (gil x jay, they have the single best ship name in the series. top 10 ship names of all time in my book. also they have so much chemistry in like two minutes of screentime together and for what? studios need to allow Kenny Ortega to let booboo Stewart kiss a man)

Doug (Doug is transfem and helps Evie realize she is a lesbian. fight me on this. i will win)

Hades (hear me out: is he a bad dad? yes. is he kinda shitty? yes. but that deadbeat dad duet kicked ass and if you engage with the other stuff like the wedding short, he has growth. and he's played by Cheyenne Jackson. and his lair is a vibe)

IT Crowd

after watching this as a kid and not thinking about this show for a little under a decade, the hyperfixation slapped me hard in the face literally the night before it was taken off of Netflix. i will die mad about it

Roy (fuckin dork. "have you tried turning it off and on again" has lived rent free in my mind even when the rest of the show wasn't. that and "0118-999-88199-9119-725...3" also, fight me, obligatory chaos bisexual with adhd)

Moss (one of the first examples of a heavily autistic coded character i remember relating to as a child. i love him)

Roy x Moss (i refuse to acknowledge their ship name because it uses Roy's last name. that was mentioned literally once and Ross is right there) (this ao3 tag is how i survived the month of march. and part of April. there are less than 300 in the tag and like 80 of them are one person in the last two years. thank you to that person)

Richmond (the best character. wish there was more of them)

Douglas (Matt Berry strikes again. like 15 years ago but still)

New Girl

one of my red flag sitcoms. when this pops up in my Netflix history it is always because i am depressed. but it is actually a good show and they moved it to Hulu, so it's fine probably

Nick Miller (the similarities i have with this man are upsetting. for everyone else. I'm fine. probably)

Schmidt (baby girl. derogatory)

Winston (my best lil weirdo)

Jess (i may be Nick, but i have a friend that is Jess. to defend my case, it is the same friend who got me into both descendants and Ted lasso in the span of one month. the only difference between us and the characters is that we have no romantic chemistry and are both aro)

Cece (obligatory chaos bisexual with adhd. but she is the rare femme variety. and also somehow the braincell of the group. i love her

Schmece (hell of a ship name for a hell of a ship)

Dracula Daily

i read the book as a kid, so last year i thought I'd get the memes if i just followed the tag but i got lost so fast. so this year i made the mistake of actually following dracula daily and re: dracula and now i can't get it out of my head

Johnathan Harker (baby girl)

Mina (boss ass bitch)

(i am slightly behind due to my other hyperfixations, but i know more of these guys will join the list as the year goes on)

Renfield

i watched this with my friends because of dracula, and i love it so much. i know this movie is fairly recent but it needs more fics immediately. go watch it. it about two pathetic men breaking up and one of them having his bisexual awakening with Awkwafina, the girlboss. and Ben Schwartz and Nicolas cage are there

Renfield (say it with me: it's about the growth)

Rebecca Quincy (girlboss)

Nicolas Cage (Dracula)

Tedward "Teddy" Lobo (yes that is his canonical name. he is played by Ben Schwartz and i love this goofy little fuck. i also hate him. it is a Blorbo specific love-hate thing)

The Therapist from the support group (have i forgotten his name? yes. does that matter? no. he has taken up a small corner of my brain and he is just a funky lil dude)

More to come as i inevitably continue to juggle several hyperfixations at a time, gaining them quicker than i lose them. wish me luck

i have decided to start keeping an ongoing list of Official Blorbos™️ of 2023 because i am collecting them left and right and there is so much coming out this summer.

Criteria:

a blorbo here is defined as a character who has wormed their way into one of the fandom cavities in my brain and are living there rent free for two weeks or longer weather or not i have actively engaged with their canon that day. this is can on their own as a character i'r as part of a ship that has started spreading brain spores

of 2023 means that the blorbage has to be active. i have many Blorbos already, all of whom i love. but this list is for blorbos who's dens are free of cobwebs and whose fields are watered since the start of the year

there probably will be multiple Blorbos per media, they are all my children and i will not pick favorites. and if i say favorite, ignore me i am excited

[manikas-whims]

hiii i know you're ia but i just wanted to say i'm glad i came across your blog i really ADORE your soc headcanons especilly kanej ones are so cute!! if you see this, do you have any kanej baby headcanons, pls share 🥺

OMG thank you so much, i've truly been very ia but i'll try to post more often again..I'm so glad you like my HCs 🥺💛

As for Kanej babies? I think they'll have two— a sweet boy and a lil girl.

⚠ if the prospect of Kanej making love or having biological kids triggers you, then pls leave ⚠

So here's some HCs about Kanej and their babies:

Despite not being as famous amidst Kanej baby headcanons, I believe their first child will be a boy. And the second a really adorable daughter.

Ever since a young age their son loves hearing stories about his mother's hunt for wrongdoers on the seas and in the city (ofc Inej omits out the gruesome details).

He's entirely a mama's boy and his eyes glow up every time Kaz tells him that Inej will soon return from the sea. Whenever they reunite at the Fifth Harbor, their son's expression matches the joy on Kaz's face.

At a young age of mere 2 years, their daughter watches and learns how to unlock Inej's box of knives. She secretly unlocks it and happily hands the box to her elder bro of 4 years, who loves playing with the said knives. Inej is not pleased about it but Kaz's eyes shine with pride.

Their daughter is completely spoiled by Kaz. She asks for something, she gets it. She causes mischief? Kaz covers up for her. Their son sometimes teases her and calls a brat.

One time Inej isn't around and their son starts crying for some reason. Kaz isn't sure how to comfort him. He's pretty awkward but tries to talk with him. Their talk ends with Kaz getting a hug from his sobbing son. It takes time but Kaz slowly pulls him in his arms and gently strokes his back.

Its Kaz who always braids their daughter's hair and puts pretty ribbons in her hair. But when she turns 7, one day Inej finds her standing in front of the mirror trying, with the most concentrated expression, to braid her hair by herself because she's a “old enough” now. Inej smiles, pats her head and helps their little girl learn how to do it. They start going on shopping dates as well. Whenever Aunt Nina comes for a visit, she joins them and the fun just doubles!

Their son is more like Inej— fierce yet kind. He can blend into the shadows just like his mother and has an impeccable aim but most of the times he chooses the least violent methods. He can also do a bunch of simple card & coin tricks to distract his opponents.

Their daughter is more sharp witted, has a scheming face that resembles Kaz and the one who's deft at sleight of hand. But if need be, she can also fight and protect herself.

Kanej's son and Wesper's daughter have cute play dates where they show-off their knife and shooting skills. They stop and cover up by playing ordinary games if Inej or Wylan ever come to check up on them. Jesper and Kaz don't mind as long as no one gets hurt.

So 10 for now :)

I'll post more some other day ♥

[triptuckers]

Honesty - Kaz Brekker x reader

Request: oh hell yea "I saw we could send in requests which you don’t need to tell me twice bc I have some things in mind if that’s okay? I had an idea for a Kaz x female reader where he’s had feelings for you for the longest time but has never acted upon those feelings due to his trauma. Until one day something doesn’t go as planned during a Dregs job because his thoughts are with you and he lost his focus for just a moment. This is the moment he realises he has to talk to you about his crush on you but when he looks for you he notices you somewhere secluded in the arms of Jesper making out. How would he react to the fact that the girl he has had feelings for has been secretly dating his right hand? Lots of angst if that’s okay? 😬" Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader (plus some slight Jesper x reader) Summary: When Kaz finally figures out his feelings for you, and wants to tell you about it, he finds something he wasn't prepared to see Warnings:  angst oh god so. much. angst. let's see what else uhh mentions of violence, bruises, language, kaz being a lil jealous jerk Word count: 2.6K A/N: this is the one yall I got this request and HA I was so ready to write some heartbreaking angst, get ready for this one (also I wasnt sure if I had to tag this as kaz x reader of jesper x reader, but as you can see I went with kaz) TAG LIST (grishaverse): @ayushmitadutta @mrs-brekker15 @dancingwith-sunflowers @thegirlwiththeimpala @parker-natasha @story-scribbler @romanoffstarkovs @daliareads @meiitanoia @itsnotquimey @sanktaesperanza @whymyparentscheckmyphone @aleksanderwh0r3 @ilovemarvelanne1 @marlenaisnthappy TAG LIST (Kaz Brekker): @mufnasa @Janesofia7 @stairscortana add yourself to my tag lists here

Because it was a one-person kind of job and it involved picking quite a few locks, Kaz told the crows to take the night off, while he took care of it.

Given that it was very rare for Kaz to tell you all that you could have the night off, neither of you was stupid enough to question it. Instead, you all wished him good luck and took off to do all those things you normally missed out on when you were away on a job.

Everyone trusted Kaz to be able to handle a simple job on his own. You'd spend enough time with him to know he'd be alright.

And he was.

It was indeed a simple job, all Kaz had to do was sneak into a merchant's home, pick the lock of the safe in the office, steal an important contract between two merchants, and get out.

Part of him liked the solitude of wandering around a big house in the dark. But another part of him wished you'd be there with him. Kaz had shook his head to get you out of his mind, and continued to do the thing he needed to do.

After successfully completing the job and getting the contract he needed, Kaz is standing in front of a closed door, listening for any sounds in the hallway on the other side of the door.

His minds wanders off to you again.

You'd wished him good luck before he walked out the door, and you'd given him one of you signature smiles. Saints, he loved your smile.

He was sure you could fix anything, all you had to do was smile at him. You comforted him in so many ways, and you probably had no idea. Though you could figure it out if you sensed something was going on.

The clues were all right there, all you had to do was find out all the times he asked for you help were all just excuses to be able to spend more time with you.

It was stupid, really. He would invite you up to his office to go over plans for a job, even though he had figured it all out already. He'd pair the two of you on jobs. He did anything to be able to spend time with you.

A cloud slowly moves through the night sky, allowing the moon to illuminate the room. The sudden light abruptly brings Kaz back to reality.

He'd been standing in front of the door for way too long, just thinking about you. He curses himself for losing his focus. For allowing himself to get so lost in his thoughts on you.

Kaz really needs to do something about it. It's almost embarrassing how starstruck he is by you. And he really can't have you distract him on a job like that again, even if you're not in the room with him.

After listening again for sounds in the hallway, Kaz slowly pushes the door open. Upon discovering the hallway is empty, he steps out of the office and makes his way to the front door of the house.

All the way back to the Slat, he's thinking of ways on how to tell you. He's never been really good at talking about his feelings. And he wants to make sure he tells you the right thing. The last thing he wants is to stutter to try and find the words to say to you.

Eventually, he settles on just getting you alone first. He'll figure out what to say after that.

The walk to the Slat takes a while, given that the Barrel is on the other side of Ketterdam. His leg starts to ache but he ignores it, he'd endured worse.

When he finally sees the Slat in the distance, he notices there are still some lights burning. The window of your room is dark. Kaz hopes you're just sitting downstairs.

But when he enters the kitchen, it's nearly empty. Except for Nina, who is sitting there having a cup of tea before bed.

'Hey!' she says. 'How'd it go?'

In response, Kaz shows her the folded piece of paper.

Nina grins. 'Told you it would be an easy job for you.' she says.

'It was.' says Kaz. 'Have you seen Y/N?'

To his surprise, Nina starts smirking.

'Oh yeah, I've seen Y/N.' says Nina. 'She went out back a while ago.'

Kaz moves to walk to the back door but Nina speaks up again.

'Kaz, I wouldn't do that if I were you.' says Nina. 'I don't think she wants anyone to see her.'

He gives her a confused look, not noticing the playful look in Nina's eyes. He then starts to worry about you. Did something happen to you? Why didn't you want anyone to see you?

Kaz quickly walks to the door and opens it, ignoring Nina who yells at him not to do so. He abruptly freezes in the doorway.

You're indeed there, but you're not alone. A tall figure, who Kaz quickly identifies as Jesper, has you pinned to the wall of the alley.

Aside from the street lamp, it's completely dark. It's hard to tell which limps belong to you and which ones belong to Jesper.

Kaz just stands there, rooted to the spot. He can't move. He just stands there, watching the girl he fell in love with kiss another man. And it's not just any other man, it's Jesper.

The cheerful sharpshooter who had been his right hand for so long. He'd been by Kaz' side for years, joining the Dregs just shortly after you had. Jesper had managed to save Kaz a number of times with his quick shooting. And now he's standing there, kissing you.

Kaz feels sick, like he's going to throw up. Like the air got knocked out of his lungs all at once. The world is spinning. This must be some bad dream, he was asleep and this is a nightmare, it isn't real.

But then you finally seem to notice something is going on.

You pull away from Jesper and look past his arm, to see Kaz standing there with a bewildered look on his face.

'Kaz?' you say, not letting go of Jesper. 'Are you alright? Did something happen on the job?'

Jesper turns around as well now, curiously looking at Kaz.

Instead of looking at you and answering you, Kaz turns his attention to Jesper. The sick feeling in his stomach fades away and gets replaced by anger. Jesper had the guts to kiss you, his girl.

Rage takes over, the same kind of rage that had gotten him the name Dirtyhands. It flashes like a red light in front of his eyes. Without wasting another second, Kaz raises his cane and jabs one of Jesper's legs, sending him to the ground.

'What the fuck, Kaz!' you yell at him.

You rush over to Jesper's side, but Kaz roughly shoves you away with his cane, kneeling next to the taller boy. He angrily looks at him, gritting his teeth.

'You don't get to kiss her just because I can't.' says Kaz in a low voice.

Both you and Jesper look confused, having no clue wat Kaz is talking about.

'Saints, what on earth are you talking about?' says Jesper, rubbing the sore spot on his leg.

'She belongs with me, and you can't kiss her because I can't- because I won't- I forbid you from it.' says Kaz.

You look at Kaz, not believing what you're hearing. You'd never seen him like this, so angry, so full of rage. And you'd never seen him use his cane to hurt his crows before.

'I don't know what the fuck you are talking about.' says Jesper. 'But I'd appreciate it if next time, you'd say something instead of using that damned cane of yours. Now if you could excuse us, we went out back to have some privacy.'

Kaz' eyes widen in anger and you watch in horror as he raises a fist and swings it down, hitting Jesper's cheek hard. Before he can strike again, you catch a hold of Kaz' arm and drag him away from Jesper.

You drag him all the way back through the door and into the kitchen. Nina looks up, probably having heard something was going on. It takes one look from you for her to hurry up the stairs, leaving you alone.

You take Kaz over to one of the tables and roughly push him into a chair.

'Stay here.' you say as you glare at him.

Kaz, a feeling of numbness washing over him, doesn't protest.

You walk out the door again and he can hear you softly talking to Jesper. A while later, you and Jesper walk into the kitchen. Kaz sees a bruise is already forming on Jesper's cheek, right where he hit him.

Jesper looks at Kaz with a mixed expression of pain and confusion on his face.

You find some ice and put it on Jesper's cheek.

'Keep that on there.' you tell him. 'Go upstairs, I'll come to your room in a second. I have to talk to Kaz first.'

Jesper nods and as soon as he's out the door, you furiously turn to Kaz.

'You're going to tell me what the fuck that was about right now. No lies, no excuses, you're going to tell me the truth. Now.' you say, dragging out a chair and sitting down in front of Kaz.

'You don't get to kiss her because I can't?' you say, repeating the words he said earlier. 'What the hell was all that about?'

Normally, Kaz knows exactly what to say. All the time. He's always got an answer ready. But whenever it's just the two of you, it's like he forgets how to talk.

'Well?' you press on. 'Say something, for Saints sake!'

When he still doesn't say something, you slam your hand down on the table, and Kaz flinches slightly. You never got this angry.

'I don't want to see Jesper kissing you because I want to do that. That should have been me.' says Kaz.

'Well you can't even take your damn gloves off, did you really think you'd be able to kiss me?' you say in a cold voice.

'With time, maybe.' says Kaz.

You sigh and softly shake your head. You've been part of the Dregs for years. You care a lot about Kaz. But the bond you have with him is just not a romantic one. Apparently, Kaz didn't think so.

'You fucking hit Jesper.' you say, your voice less loud. 'He's going to have a bruise on his cheek.'

'I was angry.' is all Kaz says.

'Clearly.' you say. 'You need to apologise to him.'

Kaz looks at you. 'Yes, Kaz, you have to say you're sorry.' you say.

When Kaz gets up, you stop him.

'Not now.' you say. 'He doesn't want to see you.'

Kaz sits back down again and starts to avoid your gaze. After sitting in silence for a while, you sigh.

'Why'd you have to do it?' you wonder out loud.

'I don't know.' says Kaz. 'Just- seeing someone else kiss you like that, it made me so angry. Like something snapped inside of me.'

'If your really feel the way you say you feel about me, why didn't you say something sooner?' you say.

'I was scared.' admits Kaz. 'That you wouldn't have me because I wouldn't be able to kiss you, to touch you.'

'Physical affection isn't the only thing in a relationship.' you say.

'I know, I know, I just-' 'Kaz.'

He finally looks at you and you can see he's hurt. But you'd rather tell him the truth than lie to protect his feelings.

'Even if you would be able to touch me, a relationship would have never worked. Not for me, at least. I'm sorry, Kaz, I'm not going to sugarcoat it.' you say. 'I love you and I care about you, but not like that. I'm in love with Jesper. We didn't tell you or the other crows because if word gets out, people will see it as one of our weaknesses. I don't want to know what they'd do to get to me, or to get to Jesper.'

You look at Kaz, scanning his face for a reaction. He's letting your words sink in, thinking about them.

'Look, Kaz, I'm sorry. I'd rather tell you the truth than lie to make you feel better. I love Jesper, and right now, I have no intention at all of breaking up with him. You're going to have to find a way to deal with that.' you say and you get up.

'Apologise to him tomorrow, I'll talk to him.' you say. 'And next time, use your words. Not your cane or your fists.'

Kaz watches as you walk toward the stairs, to get to Jesper's room. He watches you as you disappear out of his line of sight. Regret starts to set in. He shouldn't have hit Jesper. He just felt so angry when he saw you with someone else.

You love Jesper, and there's nothing he can do about it. Right now, all he could do was sit in silence, getting lost in his thoughts wondering about what could have been if he had only talked to you sooner.

Meanwhile, you have reached Jesper's room. You knock and open the door, finding Jesper sitting on the bed. He's still got the ice pressed against his cheek.

'Hey.' you say as you walk up to him. Jesper briefly smiles at you but winches immediately at the movement. You sit down next to him and carefully take his hand in yours so you could remove the ice and take a look at his cheek.

Indeed, the skin of his cheek is red, a bruise forming. You lean in to softly press a kiss to his cheek before putting the ice back in place.

'What did Kaz have to say?' says Jesper.

'Um, that he has feelings for me. And that seeing you kiss me just made him angry. That's why he hit you.' you say.

'Should've used his words instead.' mumbles Jesper.

'That's what I told him.' you say. 'But I also told him to find a way to deal with it, because I am not going to break up with you.'

At your words, Jesper smiles. 'Thanks for kissing my war injury better.' he says, making you chuckle. 'I love you.'

'Love you too, Jes.' you say. You smile and get up to go and get ready for bed.

Little did you know that Kaz was standing right outside the door. He'd stopped there on his way to his room on the top floor. The three words you spoke to Jesper stung in his chest.

He'd give anything to hear you say those words to him. But you had made it clear that wasn't going to happen. Eventually, Kaz would have to find a way to deal with it.

After all, both you and Jesper are two of his most valuable and skilled crows. He couldn't just dismiss you because you love each other.

He'd find a way to deal with it. But not tonight. For tonight, he settles for going to his room and opening a bottle of kvas instead.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

[six-of-crows-brainrot]

Six of Crows Circus AU!

What if after Jordie’s tragic death, Kaz got taken in by a circus troupe charmingly named the Dregs? A troupe filled with misfits, master con artists, swindlers, and tricksters, and Kaz becomes the best of them all. Though the Dregs originated in Ketterdam, they travel all over Kerch and more performing acts that may or may not be genuine. But hey, as long as they pay, it doesn’t matter.

(Inspired by The Greatest Showman!)

They were reaching the end of their Ravkan tour, Kaz had just finished helping load the train with the rest of the circus goods and headed off into the train. His gait had gotten worse with the cold of winter setting in and all of the heavy lifting that came with relocating the circus.

Stepping into the sleeping area of the train car, he heard the hubbub of his troupe getting ready for bed. Jesper was setting up a game of rummy on the floor with his group of gamblers despite Kaz’s expressed annoyance before.

His small corner in the train simply consisted of a cot that bolted into the floor, covered by a curtain. It was a bunk bed, but no one wanted to sleep above Kaz Brekker, in fact, the beds across and in front of him were also empty.

He drew the curtain of his cot and climbed in, closing it after. He took a look at his pocket watch. 11:30, but he had work to do.

His cot was located right next to a window in the train, and out of the corner of his vision, he noticed a flash of black. He turned, wondering what it was.

Moments later, looking through a gap in his curtain and the wall, the door to the train car opened back up, and a girl with rich brown skin and straight black hair tied into a tight ponytail walked in.

/There she is./ Kaz thought. She was their new acrobat, since their last one had suffered a hard fall and damaged his legs and back permanently.

Almost everyone turned to look at the unfamiliar face (except for Jesper and his rummy gang, of course). Kaz got out of his cot and straightened his coat, “Inej Ghafa?”

She nodded, reaching out for a hand shake, and he obliged, her eyes on his black gloves. “Pleasure, Mr. Brekker.”

“This is the sleeping area, find an empty cot and you can put your items under the bed. The train is heading to Os Alta next, it’ll take two days.”

“Alright,” she said, walking over to a cot. Coincidentally, the one right across from his, and put her travel bag under the cot. People started murmuring about the new girl, Inej Ghafa. “By the way, Mr. Brekker, thank you for offering me this job. If there’s any other way I can help, do tell.”

Kaz didn’t respond, going back to his cot. Once he was in, he took off his coat, hanging it on a coat hangar near the foot of his cot. Then he took off his gloves, putting them on his windowsill. On his windowsill too were a couple papers, detailing the indenture of Inej Ghafa that his superior, Per Haskell, had bought.

With a sigh, he took a couple of other papers, the ones that calculated the wages of the troupe and other money issues. Shaking a small bone light and putting on his reading glasses, he got to work.

“How about /the Phantom/?” Jesper asked, presumably talking to the new acrobat.

“Mm, I don’t like it. I’ll think of something soon enough.” Inej replied.

Their conversation continued with Jesper giving her more stupid ideas on an alias, while she declined.

/The Wraith./ Kaz thought while listening in. /Intimidating, but respectable./

With a deep breath, he rid himself of the distraction, and started calculating.

I’m still working on my writing skills and show not tell, but I got a lil lazy here lol, I hope it’s fine. Have a great day! <3

[jordanshenessy]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to my Secret Santa @engclbeekman !!!

HIIIII SAS!!! You are truly an amazing sweet person and so so talented with everything that you create, you sweet lil bean😌 I love seeing you on my dash or in discord servers and you just make my day better by being you. I love seeing you obsess over new things and make gifs. I love youuu so here’s a kanej ficlet for you and I hope you like it!!

I’m so happy to have such a wonderful mutual as you and I hope your holidays are as warm as hot cocoa 💕💕💕

Kaz Brekker isn’t used to intimacy.

At least not in the way people expect it from him. Not in the way Inej wants to ask him for it sometimes. What he is used to is a casual form of intimacy that exceeds any need for physical touch.

He’s used to sitting at his desk at the Slab, working away on his papers and wishing the ache in his leg would give him five minutes of peace while Inej shows up at odd hours, putting a knife in her sheath and quietly leaning against the window pane. He’s used to the silence in which all he hears are two breathing patterns, different at first yet slowly steadying into the same rhythm. He’s used to professional conversation - if you can call stealing a profession - with Inej and it dying back down to silence again while she sits in his company. Or he sits in hers.

It’s peaceful. Stable.

But there are times…when Kaz squirms under the wavering promise of stable.

It starts out like any other day, Kaz at his desk, ache in his leg, sunlight spilling in through the window. There’s a subtle shift in the room and he knows Inej is standing by somewhere. He’s learned to pick up on it after all this time and there’s a certain thrill that spikes up his spine when he’s able to tell when the Wraith has entered.

“Are you hiding from me, or did you need something?” Kaz asks into thin air without looking up from the documents he’s forging.

Inej slowly reveals herself, footsteps almost non-existent, and she lets out a huff.

“Jesper’s falling through again,” she says.

Kaz’s gloved hand doesn’t stop. If Jesper’s out gambling again, throwing out second chances on every whim, every itch under his skin that this round is a win, that’s for him to deal with.

“Not my problem,” says Kaz, though his elbow shifts slightly.

“I know. Wylan’s taking care of it,” Inej walks past his desk, throwing back her hood. She knows the two of them have a lot to deal with right now and even if they care - if she cares, Kaz backtracks, it’ll be better for them to let Wylan handle this until Jesper can be asked about it later.

Inej says nothing more as she climbs up on her usual perch on the window. The air seems fresh for once in the rotten stink of Ketterdam and there’s a slight breeze that carries the smell of Inej to him. She smells like lime and honey, warm and inviting, and Kaz doesn’t know if he wants to kick himself for the fact that it instantly lifts his mood. His fingers falter on the pen and he dares a glance up at her.

She’s soaking up the sun on her dark skin, sparkling refractions hitting her cheeks and her eyes are covered by her thick ebony lashes. There’s a hint of a smile on the corners of her lips, like she’s enjoying the warmth. Kaz thinks he understands it now, how falling in love feels like soaking up the sun, a warm glow slowly radiating into your pores. There aren’t a lot of days like this in Ketterdam and he decides to absorb as much of it as he can.

And then his breath hitches.

Because Inej is casually taking out her braid and brushing her nimble fingers through the strands and Kaz for some strange reason feels like he shouldn’t be here. His eyes flutter over her hands and the way she slowly unwinds each strand and lets her long, black hair fall in waves. She’s still looking out the window and her brown eyes drip gold as she pays no mind to him. Or so he thinks.

“You’re staring,” she says, eyes trained on the clouds moving by.

“I’m not,” lies Kaz as he continues staring.

“You are,” she laughs, finally looking at him. That laugh he always wishes he could bottle up and get drunk off of every night. He thinks he’s suddenly drunk right now and that even if he used his cane to walk over to her at this moment, he’d trip and fall into an embarrassing heap of a mess.

Her laugh settles and something in her eyes does, too.

Kaz decides to tear his gaze and go back to the forged documents. There’s a million things he needs to do but his mind is not catching any of them running through his head now.

He hears Inej’s footsteps, a clear indication she wants him to know she’s coming over and the ache in Kaz’s leg transfers over to his heart.

“Sometimes I tie my hair so tight, I get migraines,” she says, flipping her hair over to the other shoulder. Kaz doesn’t need an explanation. And it’s not even the first time he’s seen her with her hair down. He just thinks the fact that Inej is comfortable enough to do that around him, let her guard down, let herself just be around him is…well, it’s nice.

“My gloves don’t fit right either sometimes,” he says, resuming his forging of papers.

He sees the shadow of her body lean closer and somehow he’s caught off guard with how fast his heart is beating and how close she actually is. Inej reaches out her hand and runs her fingers through the front tufts of his hair. She assesses it this way and that and says,

“Your hair’s grown out.”

“Yes.”

“Will you cut it?”

“Yes.”

“I like your hair,” she says, and Kaz is losing all of his restraint to not be distracted. He looks up into her eyes, crinkles forming in the edges as she smiles and he tries real hard not to melt. His resolve is about as strong as a limp noodle. He clears his throat.

“I like your hair, too,” he says.

How far he’s come from calling her an investment to ‘and if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you’ to something as simple as ‘I like your hair.’ Compliments and sentiments aren’t his strong suit, but Kaz thinks he’s breaking a mold around himself each day around Inej.

Suddenly, she thumbs the skin between his eyebrows. Just a barely there sensation that Kaz doesn’t think he even feels it, a ghost of a touch.

“You’ll get permanent worry-lines if you frown so much,” she smiles.

“I think it an advantage to look older than I am,” says Kaz. His voice is even but he does actually lift his lips into something of a smile.

“If you say so,” Inej rolls her eyes and walks back to the window.

Kaz is still trying to recover from it all. Her hair, her smile, the pad of her thumb on his skin. Sometimes he gets so used to stable, he doesn’t know what to do with himself when Inej starts up a storm in his chest.

All he knows is every day, every time she crosses a threshold, laughs her magical laugh, says things like she likes his hair, he’ll try to get one step closer to handling it with grace.

[akatsvmu]

ok hot take — but also because I’m genuinely curious — I’ve seen a lot of discussion about the anti - Asian racism in shadow and bone and how it was unnecessary + obvious that the writers were white, etc.

*this ended up being long so I put the rest under the cut*

before I begin I just want to say that im just putting this out here to hear what others have to say !! I’m open to whatever u have to say legit I just want to talk to others about this hahah. I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, but if I do then I apologize and if you feel like it, to let me know why exactly so I can be more aware next timee

okk so, reading what everyone else had to say after finishing the season made me question myself BIG TIMEEEE because tbh ..... I didn’t really see what the problem was as I was watching the show 😭

I didnt watch any trailers or promo vids before the show bc I didnt want to expect anything. so the first time I heard about Alina being half - shu was when she said it in the show — and TBHHH I was actually so happy (since I’m South East Asian) it was a pleasant surprise, I was like “omg I can relate to uu !! <33” kind of thing ya know.

After i watched it, I read the discussions on how they handled it and everything and I was worried bc I was still having such a hard time seeing what was so wrong about it,, I genuinely felt really bad at this point bc I was thinking like ... am I racist ?? Or am I actually contributing to racism and all that ?? soo I wanted to just share some of my thoughts here and if you actually finish reading this maybe like share some of your thoughts too ??

okok so hear we go — Alina being changed into half - shu didnt bother me at all, as I said earlier it was a nice surprise since it allowed me to relate to her more, i remember i even texted my friend bc i was so happy lmaooo (plus I thought it fit well since Jessie is actually half chinese).

About how the racism was ‘unnecessary’ since it’s a fictional world and all >> I get how they technically didn’t need to add it in — BUT... I kind of liked that they did add it ?? since it showed me that, oh you know she went through all of that, was discriminated against, etc. but was still able to do all the things she did and she didn’t let any of that stop her (I've finished the trilogy so I know how her story ends, assuming they stick to the books in later seasons lmao).

I mean tbh I even felt kinda better ? Hopeful even ?? My line of thinking was like “even the sun summoner faced some racism yet she was able to push through her journey !!” and all that ++ plus how she didn’t let it affect her — she even said, “don’t change my eyes” in that one scene which made me feel really proud for some reason.

about how they only centered the racism around Alina >> like how Jesper or Inej didn't really have to face any racism ++ and how it was all anti shu ..... again that didn’t rly bother me bc like ..... she’s kind of the main character ????? Not to say that the other characters stories don’t matter (lmao im not done w crooked kingdom yet but I already prefer their duology over the trilogy 😭🤚🏼) but given the fact that this particular adaptation of the story (or even season) is about Alina and Her experiences,, it’s kind of a given that the story will literally revolve around her and the challenges she faces ?????

the books obviously talked about what inej and the others went through + but that was because they had two books and individual chapters to flesh out their characters, plus we learned about their origins through a flashback type thing, it wasn’t a linear storyline.

This season had 8 episodes, so I really didn’t expect them to focus on their backstories since it's established that they’ve been working together for a while (the three crows, not Nina and Matthias). In the show, Alina has just discovered her powers = meaning her arc has just started.

lastly, about how it was unnecessary that Zoya was racist to Alina >> This one confused me a lot im ngl, because in the first book zoya does act like a lil bitch to Alina and everyone in the little palace — Marie and Nadia constantly talked shit abt her behind her back — bro even Genya didn’t like her lol — ALSO she even admitted to this in the second or third book right ?? So considering where her arc goes — I thought that this was obvious ?? she was meant to be disliked at first bc she literally has a redemption arc (AHHH don’t get me wrong here I loved zoya in the end pls shes so snarky ahidhshshs she a lil bitch but she owns it 😌😌 as she should)

I know she wasn’t outright racist to Alina in the books — but she was mean to her — *if I’m not wrong doesn’t she also whisper to Alina in front of the king about how she was an orphan peasant?* given the changes in the show, I thought it was understandable for her to treat her that way (not that it’s ok for anyone to be treated that way but you get the point right...) also idk if this counts but she does correct that one lady saying that Inej was suli and not whatever she originally said.

okk that’s all I can think of now, if you made it this far I wanna say thank uuu so much ily 🥰 ,, I know this was long I didnt think I had this much to say.

if you want then pleaseee share some of your thoughts 🤲🏼🤲🏼 i don’t want to subconsciously be a racist apologist or anything 😭😭 so I’m open to hearing what u have to say ++ also I’m really just wondering why I saw this so differently compared to everyone else ahshsjhdhs.

edit: ive only read the trilogy and six of crows so far. i havent had the time to start crooked kingdom or nikolai's books bc school :/ soo if youre gonna comment, please dont mention anything about crooked kingdom and anything after that !! huhu shhshshsa

SECOND EDIT: someone commented on this but i posted it accidentally and deleted the old one and didnt see their comment im gonna cry aaaaaa

[wesperbrekkered]

hi!! wesper 25 and/or 50 for the kiss prompt🫶🏻🥰

Sorry this is so late! It took a lil while to muster up the motivation to finish this lol.

But anyway: 50. A kiss out of love

This is the most self indulgent thing ever oh my

____________________________________________

His Ma used to call them ‘bad head days.’

When his mind used to work itself up and out of control, buzzing far too quickly for his body to catch up to. It was like his senses were on overdrive, and every sound, every touch felt like nails being hammered into his skull. When it felt like ants were crawling just under his skin and he wanted nothing more then to rip it apart to relieve the itch.

So yeah, suffice to say, Jesper never liked these days.

He’d gotten better at predicting when they might come. It would start with the thoughts. Wylan would be slow to answer his question and Jesper would find himself questioning if his boyfriend hated him. Then he’d realise Marya hadn’t spoken to him in a few days for more then just a passing greeting, or that Kaz had ignored his last letter. He’d start questioning what was he even doing here, that he was only annoying these people by forcing his presence on them.

Then Wylan would put his cup down on the counter with a clatter and Jesper would wince. The birds would be slightly louder then normal, grating on the inside of his ears. The sound of the maid bustling around in the next room would have him resisting the urge to clap his hands over his ears.

The light would start getting too bright, too sharp. His clothes too itchy, the molecules in the table too loud, too aware, too alive and demanding his attention.

And it would all start building and building until Jesper found himself teetering on the edge of an invisible precipice, hopelessly delicate. Hopeless to do anything but tip off the other side and crumple into a sobbing ball.

Jesper’s hands shook where he cradled his cup of coffee. The bitter scent that normally eased his mind made his stomach turn, and it was all he could do to not wrinkle his nose as it stabbed its way into his brain. He’d recognised the signs long before now, when the buzzing had started in his ears not long after he woke up. Tonight was supposed to be their night though. Since being voted to the Merchant Council they found that they barely had time to even look at each other most nights, so Wylan had cleared his schedule for just one night in their hectic week.

And Jesper was not going to ruin it all because his head was being silly.

“I was thinking,” Wylan began, fingers tapping the rim of his mug, “it’s been far too long since we invited Kaz round for dinner.”

Jesper nodded slowly, feeling like the world was spinning around too fast, “I thought I wasn’t allowed to let him in?”

“That’s just when he shows up unannounced, it’s different when we have to drag him round.”

Jesper hummed non committedly. He wanted desperately to curl up into himself and escape from the outside world for just a little bit.

The sound of a mug being placed down in the table caught his attention and he glanced up, in time to see Wylan watching him worriedly. “You’re very quiet,” he said with a frown, “everything alright Jes?”

Jesper forced a smile onto his face. Wylan had been working flat out these past few weeks, he didn’t need to worry about him, “I’m perfectly fine Wy, don’t worry.”

Wylan didn’t seem convinced, but after shooting Jesper another concerned look he began speaking again, telling him about the new Opera House opening up just on the outskirts of the Zelvar District. Jesper did try to listen, honestly! But he felt like everything around him was starting to strip itself of all meaning. It was like the world was turning up the dial, setting all his senses and nerves alight.

His gaze zeroed in on a whirl on the coffee table, desperately aware of the way his breaths were coming shorter and shorter.

Inhale.

The smell of his coffee wound its way through his nostrils and he wanted to throw up.

Exhale.

He could feel the seams of his pants scratching against his thighs.

Inhale.

The low candlelight was piercing his skull like a jagged knife.

Exhale.

“Jesper?”

Inhale.

He squeezed his eyes shut, even as he heard Wylan’s chair being pushed back.

His next exhale left his chest with a broken sob.

“Jes?”

Wylan’s hands were gently placed on the tops of his shoulders, not holding him or squeezing just... there. Jesper brought his own hands up to his face, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes as his whole body started to shudder.

“You alright Jes?” Wylan asked softly, ever so slightly rubbing tiny circles on Jesper’s shoulders.

“I’m fine Wylan,” Jesper tried hopelessly, voice muffled by his hands.

Wylan scoffed lightly, stilling the movement of his hands. “I might not be as good at reading people as Kaz, but you don’t look very fine to me.”

Jesper snorted despite himself.

“Talk to me Jes, what’s up?”

Soft hands wrapped around Jesper’s wrists, gently prying them away from his face before he could gouge his own eyes out. Wylan’s own face filled his vision, a blur of smattered freckles and wide blue eyes and curly red hair that could never be tamed. He smiled softly to himself.

“It’s... its complicated,” he said lamely, dropping his gaze to focus on his purple trousers. The colour was slightly more muted then his usual clothes, and he was glad for it, it didn’t hurt his eyes at this moment. He could feel his mind whirring at a speed that was uncontrollable to even him, but from the moment Wylan’s soft voice had cut through the whirlwind of thoughts, they had slowed just a fraction.

It wasn’t much, but it was enough that he could think. Just a little bit.

Wylan’s smile was lopsided, his brows furrowed in worry, “try me?”

Taking a breath that was probably far deeper then the situation required, his knee bouncing up and down, Jesper tried. “My head is being a bit...” he blew out a breath, waving one hand in the air, “its a bit funky today.”

Wylan’s brows furrowed even more and Jesper huffed slightly, “Yeah I’m sorry that was a bad description. Its like, my head is always very fast and very loud, but sometimes it gets a bit too much. Like I’m doped up on Jurda and running from here to Belendt in the space of two bells. I don’t really know how to cope with it so...” he trailed off, looking off to the side, “I kind of just... shut down I guess.”

When he looked away from the wall again, Wylan was nodding in understand, a small, reassuring smile playing on his lips. “I see.” Jesper tried to smile back, but it was tight and wobbly and eventually he gave up, dropping his head forward and squeezing his eyes shut. Wylan was still holding Jesper’s wrists, and he gave them a small squeeze. “What helps?” he asked carefully.

Jesper thought about it for a moment. Usually what he did was curl up in a ball in his room, hiding under the blankets until he either fell asleep or the lack of sensation tricked his mind into slowing down again. “Dark,” he croaked, “and quiet. And you.”

Wylan pressed a gentle kiss to the inside of his wrist, where his pulse was fluttering wildly out of control. “Me?”

Jesper nodded, still with his eyes closed, still looking down. “You make me feel still. I feel safe around you, peaceful.” It was an understatement. Wylan was his tether, the one thing keeping his head out of the clouds, his mind under control. Wylan soothed the restless thrum of energy under his skin, cooled the raging fire within him, calmed his wild thoughts. Wylan was the ground beneath his feet, a solid weight for him to cling to, and the thought scared him quite a bit.

Wylan kissed his pulse again, thumb rubbing quiet circles against the bony jut of his wrist. “Alright,” he murmured, his voice gentle and low, like music spilling from behind a closed door. “We’ll go upstairs.”

Jesper nodded mutely, allowing Wylan to pull him to his feet. He kept his head lowered as they ascended the stairs, his eyes squinted to prevent as much light from piercing his fragile mind as possible.

The journey to their bedroom didn’t take long. It never did. It was the room closest to where the stairs opened up to the second floor. To everyone else, they said it was for ease of access, so that they could reach downstairs quicker in case of an emergency.

The real reason was because everytime their desire burned too hot to handle, Wylan always shoved him into the first bedroom he could find, and eventually they just stayed there.

And, well, Jesper wasn’t going to complain.

He barely registered Wylan plopping him down onto the bed until the rough, scraping noise of the curtains being pulled yanked him out of his own head. He winced.

“Sorry,” Wylan murmured gently, already making his way back to the bed, the room blissfully shrouded in darkness. Those blackout curtains were finally coming in handy.

Jesper lay back, pulling the covers up over his eyes for no reason other then for comfort, curling into a ball. His head was still pounding, his heart racing at a speed that used to scare him but he was used it now.

The bed dipped slightly when Wylan snuck in beside him. He hesitated for a moment, before snaking one arm around his waist, placing the palm of his hand over Jesper’s racing heart.

Jesper was already falling fast asleep before he registered the gentle brush of lips against his shoulder.

Jesper woke with a start far later that night. The room was still dark, the sky outside hidden behind the pair of blackout curtains. He blinked, slightly disoriented at the pitch black surrounding him. For a brief moment, he couldn’t quite remember how he’d ended up in bed and when had it gotten dark?

Then Wylan shifted from behind him, arm tightening around his waist momentarily before relaxing again.

Jesper smiled, without really meaning to.

Right.

His head had slowed, a little bit foggy from tiredness and the aftermath, but he found he could think a lot clearer. He turned in Wylan’s arms, careful not to disturb him, and settled down again, burying his nose in Wylan’s unruly curls. Jesper let out a breath, relaxing fully into Wylan’s hold.

It had been a long, long time since someone had comforted him through his ‘bad head days’ and it threatened to terrify Jesper just how much he didn’t mind that Wylan was the one to be there. The time for being scared about new developments in his relationship wasn’t... gone... exactly. More that he was used to this feeling, to showing his vulnerability instead of hiding it behind cheap smiles and dirty jokes.

Jesper pressed a gentle, loving kiss to Wylan’s forehead, smiling against freckled skin. “I love you,” he murmured softly, snuggling further into Wylan’s protective grip.

It had been a long time since he’d ever felt so loved, and Jesper wasn’t so scared of it anymore. Not really.

Now, Jesper just loved Wylan, with all of his lying, thieving heart and complicated brain.

[spacefaereads]

Some good thoughts on Shadow and Bone (in no particular order):

• can I just say I am so proud of Leigh and everyone on the show

• those lines that were taken straight from the books

• the way that Mal became so much more as a person and as a character

• how they reeled you in with the Darkling and then snapped your heart in two, that was gooooood

• crows. My babies. My crime babies

• the amount of chaos Kit Young possesses as Jesper Fahey is....astounding

• the COSTUMING

• tbh one of my favorite parts was when the Apparat pulled out the “Lives of Saints” book and I RAN to my bookshelf to pull out my copy and shove it in my boyfriends face like LOOK AT IT

• that switch of Marie and Alina? Genya tailoring Marie because of assassination fears? Marie WILLINGLY putting her life on the line? But was it for Alina or the Darkling???

• the Inferni twins were a pretty cool plot device

• Kaz is....a magician? Like....literally?

• Mal and Alina just....YES

• I love how we saw both sides to their letters

• how Mal discovered he loved Alina while Alina grew away from him towards the Darkling....BUT THEY ARE EACH OTHERS TRUE NORTH AND THEY FOUND THEIR WAY BACK

• Baghra is such an icon, we love her

• that extra little backstory between Baghra and the Darkling

• the little tidbit about Zoya’s family??? KoS and RoW who???

• the plot line of West Ravka makes a lot of sense actually

• Jesper and Inej’s friendship

• Inej just casually asking Jesper to kill a man for her

• also the whole thing with the Conductor was such a Six of Crows plot

• the Crows getting excited about their mini heist

• Kaz and his never ending wardrobe changes

• Inej killed to protect Kaz

• the way Alina just like....climbed into the chest on the carriage?? Iconic

• and Jesper’s reaction to the whole thing was so great

• I was afraid of how the Crows and the SaB characters would interact but it actually worked out really well

• Pekka Rollins is actually terrifying

• JUSTICE FOR ALEXEI

• finally we know who that fancy lady was with the Crows in the trailer

• every Helnik interaction was perfect

• Matthias is so damn charming like what

• Jesper’s lil spins and flairs he does with his guns

• Inej taking off her knives at the Menagerie

• watching Kaz smirk at the DeKappel again

• Nadia’s little remark about wanting Zoya to pay more attention to her DONT WORRY BOO YOUR WIFE IS COMING SOON

• are Fedyor and Ivan a thing? Did I just completely miss that or

• every time Morozova’s stag was shown, I referred to him as “that boy”

�� I need to rewatch everything again to pay more attention to the little details