#and probably would have survived because of it

[heartmix]

Spoiled - LN4

Pairing: Lando Norris x gn!reader

Word Count: 800+

Warning: making fun of the british (slightly), expired food

A/N: the idea popped into my head after watching max's stream a few days ago. Also i'm pretty sure its Lando's birthday already somewhere in europe!

F1 Masterlist / Masterlist

Some days you wondered how Lando was still alive. Never mind driving a rocket ship on wheels for living, no, it was because he decide to put anything in his body without a second thought. Despite spending millions on cars and watches and other material items he didn't give a second thought about something he needs to survive, food. You blamed it on him being british and the fact that they don't have anything good to eat. You knew about the sweet potato incident, even if it was before you knew him. Finding out he went and ate spoiled food again was enough to give you the ick and put your foot down.

The plan was simple. Buy new groceries, do some meal prep and clean out the fridge for Lando while he was playing Tarkov with his friends. He mentioned that he was going to play all day and that max was going to stream later on in the night. That gave you enough time to run to the store and cook some easy meals so you could surprise him with a full fridge.

After waking up early and sending a text to Lando that you were going to drop off something later tonight, you headed to the grocery store to pick up everything you needed. A bunch of fresh produce to meal prep and some snacks that can last on the shelf for a few months. With Lando's strict diet (or lack of there) you pulled out all the stops for a healthy and tasty meal. 

As night time crept up you packed everything in bags and made your way over to his apartment. You got a notification that max started his stream a few ago so it was the perfect time to sneak in and fill his kitchen while dropping off some dinner. Any noise you made wouldn't be too out of the blue seeing as he knew you were coming and that you already had a key. 

While entering the house you could already hear the screaming and weird random sounds coming out of your boyfriends gaming room. That should keep him distracted for awhile. First you started with cleaning and sterilizing his fridge. Doubt he didn't have much which is probably why he ate expired chicken, but one could never be too careful. Once that was over with you packed away all his food that should last for the week. Seeing the finished product brought a smile to your face. At least he was going to be eating good for the week. 

Once his current raid ended you quietly made your way into the room being aware that his mic was on and that possibly a couple thousand fans could hear what could be said, even with this shit mic. When his door opened he saw you and an immediate smile was plastered on his face. 

"Hey baby." He smiled taking off his headphones and motioning you to come by him.

"Hi. I just came to drop off dinner. Don't want to keep you long." You smiled placing the plastic bag on his desk before he pulled you onto his lap.

"It's okay, raid just ended and the mic is off. Stay for a few seconds."

"Alright. I made you my famous stir fry. There's another serving in the fridge for tomorrow." You said bringing out the food and fork setting it up for him.

"What would i do without you."

"Eat expired chicken." 

"Haha i get it." He gave a fake laugh making a real one erupt from your throat. 

"Yeah you seriously gave me the ick. This was going to be a surprise but i stocked up your fridge and did some meal prep. You just have to heat it up in the microwave, although i'm scared you'll even mess that up." You laughed at another joke your boyfriend seemed to be the butt of. 

"Move in with me." All of the joking mood went out of the room as he looked at you with a serious almost pleading expression. 

For you it came out of the blue. Sure you've been together for almost two years and you've spent a good portion out of the year traveling with him to races, but moving in together never crossed your mind. It seemed like the next logical thing in the relationship but neither of you brought the topic up till now. 

"What?"

"Sorry, i was either going to blurt out that or marry me. I figure it's best to go in order." The words came out like it wasn't the most bizarre thing he could say in the moment. 

"You're crazy."

"Yeah, for you. So what do you say?" How could you say no to that adorable smile.

"Well someone needs to keep you alive." a smile slowly crept upon your face liking the idea of seeing with him more and being closer to him. Also it would save you money, monaco wasn't cheap. 

"Perfect." He said leaning in for a kiss before you pulled away. 

"I'm not kissing you after you just ate expired chicken."  

"That was yesterday!" 

[khorneschosen]

It is human nature to be selfish our species would not survive if we were not. Humanity is self-interested by one actually see themselves succeed and because there is no such thing nor will they ever be a collective hive mind of humanity. All we have is our own consciousness.

But Trump supporters won't tell you that I will. Selfishness is good not neutral, good.

We have seen what you cheer for your calls of boot lickers means nothing to us we have seen you salivate at the mere mention of authority. Whether it be the authority of the government academia the institution the media or even the small demand for authority you have for your own mean little insignificant opinions.

Yes because we ran multiple campaigns where we looked at a dominant ethnic group and said this ethnic group is by birth and moral and it needs to be restrained contained and directed. And we did this by going to a bunch of less prominent ethnic groups pretending to help them and then demanding their everlasting loyalty as a collective.

Which is exactly what you did you think you own black people Latinos and gay people because you hate white, men and cishet people.

And then we're shocked when those groups of people did not go along with you perfectly.

And I will admit to you Trump supporters are terrifying their next essential threat they're a no that the population just directed right at your face. No we will not vote for a diversity hire who had nothing going for them, who represented the failures corruption and the complete failure of government over the last couple of decades now.

We're still you've been trained your entire life to see that no, as the existential threat. As the apocalypse that has come for you. Because it means that the public won't thoughtlessly go along with what you tell them to go along with. You been taught to wrap your entire self-worth up in the political process so that no is not just an existential threat It's a personal threat.

And as for weird we've seen what makes you cheer weird does not appeal to us anymore. If we had to count the number of things that we find weird about you but ultimately explainable and understandable it is not the same as you who find us inexplicable and baffling. But what weird fundamentally means is someone who is a non-conformist.

And I want you to understand you will see all of this hear all of this and you will say "we don't need to change what we've been doing we don't need to moderate we don't need to ask ourselves if the left wing is really as useful as we think it is."

Or even maybe we should chill out with the fear mongering maybe fear only works so far but I think right now you're probably thinking fear is the only tool you have. But that tool will create an inferno that consumes all from whatever you wanted to gain to whatever they wanted to gain.

When you call Trump supporters selfish, they can just argue that it's human nature to be selfish.

When you call Trump supporters bootlickers, they can just argue that it's actually a good thing to have respect for authority.

When you call Trump supporters compassionless, they can just argue that some people don't deserve compassion if they "made bad decisions".

When you call Trump supporters terrifying, they can just argue that their opposition being afraid of them is something to be proud of.

But when you call Trump supporters weird, they don't know how to respond to that. They cannot just argue that being weird is a good thing, because that would unravel their entire belief system. Insisting on the importance of conformity and promoting fear of anything that's different is the entirety of how they operate. It wouldn't be possible for them to interpret being weird in a positive way.

And that's why they don't like it.

[toptenpeeps]

Something I find really interesting about the mouthwashing (game) fandom is how much unfiltered love Daisuke receives from the fandom.

I don’t think I’ve even seen a character so universally loved by everyone that I haven’t seen a single negative thing about them, like at all. It’s so fascinating to me because Daisuke’s fatal flaw was that he was a people pleaser, one that was so desperate to please it quite literally killed him. He so desperately wanted to be liked by the people around him that he was willing to sacrifice his comfort, morals, and safety in order to get the approval of someone that didn’t even seem to care that deeply about him overall.

And to have that character not only be the most well liked, but to be considered one of the most loved is such an ironic twist. Because that fact is if anyone who had played the game was in the ship, Daisuke most likely would have gotten what he wanted. He would have had someone that cared for him deeply, someone who was willing to tell him that he was someone they were proud of, someone willing to be honest and kind to him.

While Swansea and Anya most definitely cared for Daisuke, neither of them had the time or methods to give Daisuke the care he truly wanted. I don’t blame them, the situation at hand made it so they were dealing with bigger issues, and Jackass definitely didn’t make anything better. Anya couldn’t give Daisuke the care and support he wanted because she was to stressed and afraid to focus on him, Swansea was too depressed and hopeless to be able to tell Daisuke in those moments that he was honestly proud of him. If they had gotten off the ship and were given enough time to heal, they probably would have been able to give out that care and affection to each other easily.

That’s just it though. Daisuke was never able to get the care he wanted, because he tried to get it from someone that was using that desperation to save himself from danger. Had Daisuke put his foot down, refused to listen, decided he wouldn’t please someone in this moment, he most likely would have survived. That’s where the tragedy really strikes, the fact that Daisuke died purely because he was an unlucky kid that wanted to please the people around him really twists the knife. With the icing on the top of this horrific cake being that the care he blatantly sacrificed himself for was only given to him in his very last moments, when there was no possible way for him to recover.

Then to have that character, one that only got a glimpse of that care they craved, be the overall most loved. It feels like the fandom itself is trying to make up for the lost care, to unabashedly drown Daisuke in love as a way to make up for how little he got in the end. Daisuke is called “a useless ray of goddamn sunshine” by Swansea, with many fans repeating this idea, minus the useless part. That idea, the idea that people could care so deeply about someone, to compare them to a piece of the sun and desperately try to keep their light going after they’ve been snuffed out, that was ultimately the very thing Daisuke died for.

Sorry if this wasn’t accurate, it was already way to long for my taste, I just wanted to rant about Daisuke from the hit game Mouthwashing :P

TL;DR - Daisuke Mouthwashing was fighting for his life for some care that he only got when he was fucking dying, interesting that the fandom’s reaction to such a character was to immediately care about them a lot.

[bayetea]

there are many things about hazel's povs that have an intensely de-racialized vibe to them (read: divorced from the black girl experience) but I think any black person will tell you that the most obvious sign is the complete lack of attention paid to her hair

like firstly:

she's from the 1930s her hair was definitely getting permed and straightened (it was not acceptable to just wear your natural hair out back then. optics + cultural assimilation/you'll be hard pressed to find photos of black american girls with unstraightened hair in that time period unless they're from like..... harlem)

I do believe that marie was straightening it for her For A Time but then she became more neglectful and stopped so hazel had to do it herself. I'm almost positive that hazel wouldn't have even been permitted to set foot in her school building without straightening it because that's just how much of an expectation it was

ok she comes back from the dead. what's she doing to her hair now bc it's not just gonna be cutesy effortless curls falling over her shoulder no matter what the length is

how does she feel about living in a time period where natural black hair is more accepted (read: more, absolutely not fully)

there are no black people around her At All. in fact she's around a lot of white people on the argo (+nico) so that would probably be giving her some intense feelings of double consciousness (look this term up if you don't know what it means) and that would inform how she feels about her hair

theoretically she ought to be wearing her hair in braids for simplicity's sake but I think it's more likely that she would cling to what she knows (perming/straightening) because it's not easy for a 14 year old girl (PSA hazel is 14.5 in hoo not 13 btw 👍) to go from assimilating to deeply-ingrained white hair beauty standards to just proudly wearing a distinctly black hairstyle all by herself

mind you black women and girls can do whatever they want with their hair and straightening/perming it does not always/have to come from a place of self-hatred or whatever but in this particular case back then straightening one's hair was political And a survival tactic. it was as normal as brushing your teeth. it was enforced through dominant cultural messagings about the Absolute Necessity of conforming to white conventions of beauty. if you don't understand then think of it similarly to how you'd think of 1930s women needing to be perpetually dolled up and modestly dressed in order to be considered "good women" and anyways I'm just saying that this would be a lot to unpack for a 14 year old girl so hazel's probably just continuing to do this impractical thing (straightening her hair all the time) like 60% out of habit and 20% out of shame and 20% she doesn't know what else to do

something something about a missed potential character arc regarding all of this and in general there's so little mind paid to race in hazel's povs which is just ridiculous to me because a black girl from the jim crow era should have at least a few feelings about where she fits into modern society even if that society is camp jupiter. rick demonstrates his capacity to talk about how his characters feel about their race most notably in the kane chronicles so I don't think was too much to ask for. see this quote from an early son of neptune chapter:

^ like....... hazel's feelings of out-of-place-ness are There in the text and important to take note of when understanding her character (note that she's been there for like a year already and she still feels like she doesn't belong) but the emphasis is always put on her Being from a different time or Being undead and is never put on her out-of-place-ness regarding her race as a black girl from segregation times who is literally so out-of-place in this weird post-racial camp jupiter society. it feels like such an obvious thing to consider so its glaring absence really bugs me when I reread her povs and it bugs me when her hair is never talked about by extension because It Matters

you might be thinking "well she had a lot going on and she's not a superficial person maybe she just didn't care what was going on with her hair" and my response is simply that Black girls don't get to "not care" about their hair it is not the same thing as a white person going to school with bedhead it's not the same thing At All (if you aren't black then chances are you've never actually seen what untouched black hair looks like in the morning), especially when it's been beaten into your head for your entire life that your hair is ugly and you have to "do something to it" for it to be acceptable (and again...... she's from the 1930s so that feeling is magnified like 50x over). remember that perpetually dolled up modest 1930s woman I mentioned previously. picture her time traveling to camp jupiter of all places in 2010 and struggling to drop all of her makeup/hairstyling routines and internalized misogyny and conceptualizations of what women are "supposed" to be. this is the kind of fascinating character exploration that we really missed out on with hazel (and tbh regardless of her race she was never believably written as someone from the 1930s. I don't think rick even really tried to be honest)

you might also be wondering "how was rick supposed to know/attempt to portray any of that" and then my second answer is that If you're going to write a character who is not the same race as you then you should do some research and we have the internet now so research has never been easier 👍 this would be especially important to do if that person is a poc from the jim crow era I think! (he could have at least googled black hair 1930s)

anyways what I choose to believe (this is pure fanfiction) is that during hazel's first year at camp jupiter (remember that she was there for about a year before son started) nico would have helped her figure something out after observing her distress over her hair c: like they both secretly watched youtube videos on black hairstyles circa 2010 and then they got attacked by monsters for using a laptop (neither of them know how to use a laptop but he's trying his best for her) but then after killing them he helped her do her hair as something she likes that is easy to maintain <3 (I could also see reyna doing this because she surely knows a thing or two from her spa days)

[thenationofzaun]

Character writing in Arcane Season 2: Act 1

I have big issues with the quality of dialogue and characterization so far in Act 1. Characters and conversations have almost zero depth. Examples:

Heimerdinger - Does he know about the Council attack? How does he feel about it? Is he relieved he was voted out beforehand? Does he feel responsible for the attack, in that if he had taken action sooner, Zaun would not have been driven to this level of violence? Does he feel guilty for the deaths of his colleagues? Viktor was almost killed by the attack but got saved by the very Hexcore Heimerdinger hated. What's his reaction to that??

Lol who cares? Let's do goofy Disney channel hijinks by sneaking into a lab with Ekko. He meets Jayce there. Does he express his concern or relief that his former student just survived a Hextech explosion unscathed? Nope!!! Wacky humour time!!!

Ekko - Does Ekko know Jinx killed Silco? If yes, how does he feel about that? Is he shocked? Confused? If he doesn't know, what does he think happened to Silco? What do Zaunites like him make of Silco's death if Jinx got rid of his body? How does he feel about the Council attack? Does he support it or does he think Jinx went too far? Is he on the fence?

Lol who cares? We don't need to know any of this. Let Ekko have goofy scenes with Heimerdinger. Speaking of Heimer, what the fuck is Ekko's opinion on Heimerdinger's criminal negligence of the Undercity for the past two fucking centuries? Because he sure warmed up to that hairball quick. This is an issue that started in Season 1 Episode 8, but I had hopes they would address it in Season 2. I guess not.

Jayce - How does Jayce feel about seeing Heimerdinger again, when their last meeting was Jayce betraying him? We know he felt guilty about it in Season 1 so why was there no inkling of it during their meeting in the lab? Why doesn't Jayce tell Heimer that the Hexcore saved Viktor? The Hexcore having the potential to save Viktor's life was a huge point of contention for them in Season 1 and was partially the reason for Jayce's betrayal, but neither of them mention it. Lol. Viktor wakes up and tells him that Sky was killed by the Hexcore in their lab. Jayce: "Oh no! Anyway..." ?????? No questions as to how and when this happened? No questions as to where Sky's body is? You just learned your employee was fucking killed in your lab a few days ago and this is your reaction?

Vi - How does Vi feel about the fact that the tyrants who killed her parents are dead by Jinx's hand? She herself wanted to take revenge on the Council in the past, so how does she feel now that her little sister's the one who did it? When Caitlyn yaps about avenging her mother's death by killing Jinx, does Vi realize that Jinx's attack was in itself vengeance for their parents' deaths on the bridge? Which were sanctioned by the Council? Will she ever bring this up to Caitlyn? Probably not. What exactly is Vi's opinion on a Zaunite uprising against topside? Does she no longer think it's the right way to go about things?

What does she think happened to Ekko? The last time she saw him, he was fighting Jinx to the death. He could be dead for all she knows. And she doesn't even think about or mention him once. Seems like she doesn't give a shit about Little Man lol. Did the writers forget they are childhood friends?

What eventually drives her to join the enforcers? Could it be concern for her sister, that she somehow thinks the badge would allow her more say in advocating for lesser sentencing? Could it be ideology, that she genuinely believes stricter policing of the Undercity is the way to prevent more Silcos? Lol nope! She's convinced by some rando giving her an ego boost about how Kewl and Badazz she was attacking the factory of child labourers. (A+ manipulation by Caitlyn by the way. What a wholesome and healthy romance Caitvi is turning out to be!)

What causes the rift between Vi and Caitlyn? Could it be Vi's love for Jinx, because as much she tries to convince herself her sister is dead and that Jinx is a different person, deep down she knows that Jinx is still her sister and for all Vi's bluster and rage, she can't bear to see Jinx actually die when push comes to shove? Lol nope!!! She's actually totally okay with a fucking enforcer killing her fucking sister, the exact thing that orphaned them both. Vi only draws the line when a random kid intervenes, after which Caitlyn proceeds to domestically abuse Vi and leave her crying on the floor without looking back.

There is so much detail and nuance missing. This is why almost every scene and conversation feels so empty. Every conversation is comically rushed and not allowed to breathe. The characters' superficial personality traits are there for the most part, but their underlying motivations, feelings, opinions, and desires are completely neglected to fulfill whatever the plot demands them to do.

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

i was homeschooled by a neo nazi. the sheer amount of damage it did to my psyche as a queer child in that environment is something im still grappling with to this day. and thats to say nothing about having my education, health, and emotional wellbeing neglected. i had to fucking laugh in 2020 when people were crying about not leaving the house for a single month, when i had been kept housebound since i was 6 years old. i cant describe the indignity of watching people finally recognize what id been saying for years, which is that remote learning was not only useless as an education method but fundamentally damaging to the students mental health, and then not ONCE think to check up on kids who'd already been homeschooled. not once.

because nobody gives a flying shit about the actual voices of homeschooled kids, least of all the parents that subject them to it. and thats not to say those parents dont care, or arent attached - quite the opposite. remember, we're talking about the kind of abuse that seeks to keep the victims closer, not further away. its just that the pressure to cover for that abuse is placed directly on these childrens shoulders. i know, because i lived it. we are expected to present ourselves to the public as prodigies, partly to sell people on the idea of homeschooling but mainly to ward off social services. and if we fail to do that, which we largely do, we are kept out of the public eye our entire childhoods.

and thats assuming it ends with the onset of adulthood. if we're lucky enough to have parents willing to let us go at all, that isolation and lack of worldly experience leaves us with no resources, no networks, no support systems, no basic survival skills. do you know the difference between debit and credit? what health insurance is, who pays for it, how to find a provider? who taught you to drive? do you know what the dmv is? what social security is, or where to find your birth certificate? do you know how to use a crosswalk? if you arent homeschooled, you do not realize how much knowledge you have that you take for granted. the level of dependance it creates on the abuser is terrifying. im 21, i didnt move out till 6 months ago. most people assume i took an extended gap year. the truth is i was psychotic from isolation trauma, rapidly developing stockholm syndrome, and had no resources to leave after i turned 18 even though i desparately wanted to. if i hadnt been lucky enough to have other family members to rescue me, i would probably not be alive today.

and despite how damning the evidence is that this is a terrible byproduct of multiple systems that long since shouldve been fixed, despite all the hubub about protecting children in this stupid, stupid fucking country, there is ZERO public interest in acknowledgeing our existence outside of using us as a talking point to snub rural america. a talking point, and nothing more. nobody actually cares to change those red states, they just want someone to blame. so when we do speak up, we get tuned out. because it turns out nobody actually wants to hear about the medical neglect, or the cults, or the grooming, or the domestic violence, let alone do anything about it. (besides vaguely gesturing to things like...calling CPS on our own parents, once again placing the pressure on the victims to rescue ourselves, when weve often been taught to fear those institutions since the onset of our abuse.)

if you think im exaggerating, go read through r/homeschoolrecovery. thats just the kids whove managed to get internet, most of whom profess terror at facing further abuse if their parents find out. look at your phone. look at your computer. every single device you own has the ability to set parental controls. i dont know the exact numbers of the silent majority of homeschooled children without access to the internet, but considering the main demographic who chooses homeschooling is white supremacist christian fundie cults, who really fucking love having numbers of white babies that exceed the double digits, id be confident in wagering its a lot. so you wanna know why over half the states in the country are red? fucking start there.

because theres a *reason* isolation is a cult tactic. its why im such an advocate for libraries, unpaywalled and un age restricted internet, and actually putting money into rural infrastructure - ESPECIALLY internet networks and public transit. because while the american public education system remains the stinking garbage fire it is, people are gonna keep choosing to take matters into their own hands. and under this presidency, it is going to get worse. there is no point bashing the parents for it, because it just convinces them further that the left has an agenda to systemically brainwash their kids or whatever. so please, for the love of god, make sure that even in the worst case scenarios where they have complete control over their children, those kids arent completely cut off from the world.

Anyway enough lame gifted kid discourse we are in our 20s. Let's talk about how homeschooling in america should be fucking illegal it's insane lol

[obsessive-reylin]

TW: heart disease, operation, forced operation, hospital and doctors

The yandere content that I’m writing is absolutely in no way me promoting this type of behaviour. I do not romanticise it; this is just a way for me to explore the more darker side of my writing. If you do relate to these characters or think that it’s romantic, please seek help.

You are welcome to send asks/requests about my existing characters or others. Just make sure to read my rules.

A couple of months ago, it felt like your world fell into shambles. You didn't really understand what kind of sickness your sister had, but it was explained by the doctors that she needed her heart replaced. You visited her every single day, talking to her and supporting her, and then crying your heart out on your way to work. It felt wrong to be giving up on her sister, but then again, what kind of monster you would be, wishing for someone else's death to die, for her to survive ?

In the end, you didn't have to do that for her, since one of the doctors that were treating her found a legitimate donor. You were overjoyed by the news, even as far as hugging the doctor in question and crying into his shoulder. But it seemed as though he didn't mind, dare say even enjoyed it. Either way, you didn't pay attention to that, nor the joyous stare that he was giving you.

After your sister's operation, everything seemed to go back to how it was, that was until the doctor, Liam as he presented himself to you, asked you out on a date. At first, you weren't really into the idea, it felt like he thought since he saved your stater, you owned him something. But your sister convinced you that it probably wasn't anything of the sort, telling you that you should just give him a chance. Worst case scenario, it doesn't click between the two of you during the date, and you just part ways.

You had to admit, it was a good argument on her part, since you asked around and his female coworkers never once uttered a displeased comment about him. And also the fact that you were pretty desperate for someone to be your other half, so you finally decided to accept his offer.

Soon enough, you and Liam officially started dating. You were never too interested in that aspect, but with Liam it felt ecstatic. For you, he was the picture-perfect boyfriend. Scratch that, the embodiment of romance, that's what he was to you. He would always make sure that you were taken care of in every way possible. He asked for your consent to everything, listening intently to everything that came out of your mouth, taking you out on dates, and buying you everything you wanted and more. 

Meaningless to say, it didn't take long for him to convince you to move in with him. And it might have been his worst mistake, because soon after, something in you just clicked. Everything just felt too perfect, for your licking, something was definitely not right. You knew that you had a bad habit of becoming paranoid and tried to brush it off, but at the back of your mind, you couldn't just ignore this inner feeling of uneasiness. That's why you decided to rummage through the house, since you figured Liam wouldn't have a problem with it. 

Not even ten minutes in, you find yourself standing in front of the door heading towards the basement.

“I didn't know we had a basement…”  You thought to yourself as you opened the door and headed downstairs, bracing yourself for what you were about to find inside. At first, everything seemed normal, everything was tidy, like Liam usually liked. That is until you went further and discovered MRI machines, CT scanners, sedatives, opioids, and a bunch of other stuff that you were pretty sure were not legal to keep at home, even for a doctor. 

You didn't really know what to do. On one hand, you wanted to call the police, but it felt a little too extreme, you were dating the guy after all. So you decided the next day to go to the hospital and ask one of his close colleagues, so that one of them could shed some light into the situation without taking any legal actions. 

But just as you were about to do that, you felt a familiar hand on your shoulder. Turning around, you find Liam smiling down at you. But this didn't feel like his usual smile, for some reason it felt creepy and unsettling. 

“Honey, are you alright ? What are you doing at the hospital ?”

“Yeah… I brought you lunch, that's all.”

You quickly handed him his lunch that you thankfully prepared in case you would run into him, hands slightly trembling as you did so. You started to regret not calling the police. Looking at him now, knowing what he hid in the basement, you felt really uneasy being around him, knowing that he could be doing literary anything with that equipment.

“Oh honey, how sweet of you…” You could practically feel the sarcasm dripping from his voice, and it made you ten times more anxious, making you question if he knew that you entered the basement.

Not long after, he insisted on taking you home, since he would finish his shift soon enough. Through the entire car ride, you couldn't help but anxiously fidget, waiting for what would happen once you're home. Liam didn't show any signs of anger or anything of the sort, but that didn't stop you from feeling like the day wasn't going to end on a happy note. As soon as you step into the house, you are hit on the back of your head with something hard, and you feel your body collapse on the floor. 

The next time you woke up, your head was throbbing, and you couldn't focus on anything, or remember what had happened, until Liam came into the room, a wide smile on his face.

“Darling ! You finally woke up, that's good.”

“What happened ?”

“Well you see darling, I haven't used the basement for quite a while, so imagine my surprise when I noticed yesterday that the door handle wasn't dusty.”

He sat beside you on the bed and took your hand in his. He had the same smile that he always showed you, and yet you couldn't help but be afraid of him, afraid of what he might do to you.

“By the way, your phone has a tracking app, so I knew you wanted to snitch on me to my colleagues. And you know what they say, snitches get stitches, so that's what I did !”

You were utterly confused by his words, until he started lifting your shirt up and to your horror, you discovered actual stitches. Your body completely froze at the sight. You finally understood what this monster of a man was doing down in the basement with all of that medical equipment. 

“I took your liver out. I remember you telling me that wanted to donate your organs, so consider this a start.”

He then grabbed your chin, and made you look at him. His grip was so tight you almost started crying, or maybe it was because you didn't want to be close to him. Either way, you were hurt, inside and out.

“Now listen darling. You have two options. One, you forget everything that happened. Two, you make me upset like you did yesterday, and you're going to be a frequent visitor of the basement.”

And with simple threat, he gently kissed your cheek. Never once you thought you would go from craving his touch to despising it.

Thank you so much for reading ! Why don't you spend some more time on my blog and look through my navigation ?

[tipsyjaehyun]

To soothe my aching heart, I rewatched the trailer again and found two interesting things to share with you all (so bear with me) -

We know that we are gonna get a happy ending and Toi Ting is definitely gonna survive because there's no way these two guys would be this happy if their daughter would not have made it.

Now, if we take a closer look, you can see Joke is wearing (what I can bet is) Jack's ring. So, YAY! JackJoke married couple confirmed.

Now, there is a scene in the opening credits that always captured my attention. This small glimpse of Joke holding a handkerchief that has signature smiley (it comes right before War's credit) -

That handkerchief is definitely the same one that Jack gave him in the first episode, and the shirt he's wearing here was shown hanging on the rack in Jack's room.

Now, Joke can be seen wearing the same shirt while writing "100 ways to thank someone without meeting them." If you look closer, you can see him holding something like a handkerchief as well -

So, he's probably gonna return the handkerchief to Jack and Jack is gonna see this and realise just how much Joke loves him and has loved him from the moment they met.

(happy ending is all i beg for)

[cloudxgears]

I like to think that the way Jinx reacts to seeing Vi in the enforcer uniform is less about what happened to their parents and more about how her Vi never would have done that and realising the Vi she understood and who was familiar and safe and recognisable to her is gone for good. Because obviously no one in the Undercity likes enforcers or their topside oppressors, but Jinx is never once shown with the same vehement hatred of enforcers that young Vi had.

I think this is just about Vi. It's about Jinx's disappointment towards the big sister she spent her life looking up to, and her shock that Vi's life experiences were that bad that they've led her to lose any character and principles she used to have.

I really don't think Jinx ever cared as much about gaining freedom for Zaun and revenge on Piltover as young-Vi and Silco did. Jinx' world was always quite insular. She focused on her special interest and developing her talent, making bombs and weapons, to enable her survival, improve her self-esteem and to try to help the ones she loves. Everything she did was about proving she could survive after coming from nothing and being the kicked puppy, and to prove herself to the ones she admires.

The whole point of the teaparty scene was about deciding who to trust and who to choose and if it had happened differently she would have gone off with Vi and done what it took to make Vi keep loving her and if that meant not using the bomb she wouldn't have done it.

She isn't exactly driven by revenge like pre-teaparty Vi and post-Cassandra Cait, or by wanting dignity and wider respect like Silco and young-Vi. She's driven by loyalty and her desire to be valued and seen by those she loves, and she has no one left to be loyal to, Silco is dead and her Vi isn't there anymore, so she's dead inside.

Having her own daughter to care for (and probably losing her) is what will make her want to become a symbol and put the fire in her to truly want revenge for the first time.

But that moment in the smog seeing Vi in uniform below her is the moment the teaparty and watching Jinx use the bomb on the council building was for Vi. It's Jinx' first moment realising Vi isn't safe for her anymore and has become a total stranger. That's when she's confronted by understanding that she'll never get her Vi back again and she doesn't have the history or connection to this new woman anymore to be able to understand her. It's the first time realising the memory of the Vi she has loved and hated and held on to all this time has been extinguished by this imposter.

And she naturally has a total panic attack at the loss.

It gives you more understanding of Vi's internal feelings about Jinx. Vi doesn't show her reactions in the same big way Jinx does. She had to be Powder's parental figure as a kid and she desired to follow in Vander's footsteps and become a leader one day, so she had to constantly maintain a positive and strong front and suppress anything else. She always made sure whenever Powder looked up at her to project, 'Everything is going to be fine, because I will make it so, don't worry :)' because she was a great big sister.

And then she was locked in prison for 7+ years where she couldn't afford to show weakness or have obvious breakdowns. Also I like how her coping mechanism is shown by her general attitude to be optimism, and even in somewhere as desolate as Stillwater it's easy to imagine her against all odds fighting to maintain a can-do attitude and having a mantra of 'It will be fine and I'll get out of this one day because I have to', and that mindset takes a lot of suppressing too.

So she implodes rather than explodes in a way that's difficult for an observer to notice or understand. Which is why her S2 actions so far look so wack to most people.

The moment in the smog and the panic attack after is the first time Jinx is having the same big realisation Vi had to her during Season 1, realising that is not her safety or the big sister she can look up to anymore. It's losing a part of herself that Jinx admits at the end of S1 has kept her alive all these years.

[seewetter]

While I'm not totally on board with OPs presentation of the topic (I think there's a bit of connective tissue missing as to why the hostility of men specifically in blue collar jobs has relevance to a discussion of right-wing men in general), this post says things that I've been trying to articulate for a while.

To draw a somewhat absurd comparison, I think the people OP is criticizing seem to internalize a view of conservative ideas akin to sappy Hollywood films like "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", where the intolerant people simply "come around" and warm up to the idea of a intercultural wedding (or some other new state of affairs) because there was demand for them to change their minds. Nothing wrong with stories simplifying the world like that, but the realities of changing minds are more complex than "everyone clapped".

To me, one of the most under-discussed factors holding back feminist movements is that our society hasn't yet solved creating a financially safe environment for men leaving the workforce to enter traditionally feminine-coded domains like housework. This is true for blue-collar workers who if they try to re-enter the work force suddenly have big gaps on their resume and its true for white-collar workers: a lawyer would have to go to law school again for several years to re-enter the field (ditto for a doctor, etc.). This doesn't necessarily affect how society thinks about transgressive gender expression or sexual orientation or about trans people, for example, but in an economy where businesses try to cut corners and pay as few people as possible it is a factor that means that many men will view the destruction of the patriarchy as a huge risk of their personal, individual ability to financially survive. Some feminists might tell these men to suck it up and become house-husbands, but that position comes with far less prestige, far less voice in society, far less autonomy, far less social mobility and requires ingenuity (taking on smaller jobs) in order to survive. It generates a dependency on another individual: this is why women's magazines so often revolve around what men want, what men like, what pleases men and how to make men happy while men's magazines revolve around male hobbies.

What OP is criticizing has to be viewed in that context: not only is OP correct that male peer groups make personal status and respect conditional on edgyness at best and often on outright bigotry... but if our society doesn't figure out the financial escape route for male independence then they will continue to intuitively think of genders as naturally polar opposites, some subsets of men will automatically oppose women entering the workforce (or men leaving it), maintaining fragile masculinity and emasculation will continue to be (in a certain bounded rationality sense where we don't consider broader and more radical alternatives) valid concerns.

Like: are conservative parents who let their sons bring girls home but don't let their daughters bring boys home not effectively showing concern about the future prospects of their children in a proportionate way? Men who fool around and disappoint or challenge their partners with a broader pool of sexual or romantic encounters can continue to have a nice life if their financial subsistence comes not from their current main partner but from their job. If the wife is unhappy with her married husband, he can receive a pay raise from the boss tomorrow because the boss is probably not the wife and the wife's wants and needs are totally unrelated to the employers wants and needs. If the husband is unhappy with his married wife, he can dump her...and now she has to scramble to figure out if she can receive alimony, how to receive alimony or whether she can survive with her relatives for a while. I agree that most conservatives are probably not thinking this deep into it, but their value systems allow for a kind of bounded rationality where if society operates like this, placing an unfair double standard on your children gives those children the maximum autonomy that that society grants without getting those kids into risk of serious trouble.

If we can solve this problem then presumably convincing conservatives to raise their kids different will be significantly easier -- it will be comparable to the kind of progress women made in the 1920s when wearing pants and earning money from a "man's job" often went together and enabled women to pay their own bills and do what they wanted without social punishment. And if the kids are raised different, they will have different priorities. These male spaces where men prove themselves by socially reinforcing loyalty to the hierarchies of society and glorifying the power they have over others...they will stop making as much sense to a younger generation. There will be respected and well-known men in society who are not conforming in any way to male norms. The male chauvinism will become less important to those groups which previously seemed to be fueled by it. In such a world, patriarchal attitudes will just be opinions, not a form of bounded rationality. Nothing important will hinge on these opinions, people will be far more able to give up these opinions...especially future generations.

If your vision for the deradicalization of right-wing men begins and ends with "other men telling them that that's gross and to stop it" then I'm sorry, you do not understand how masculinity works.

"Men who hold patriarchal status" and "men who are feminists" are two groups who overlap less than you want them to. I'm sorry. That's not solely because men are so happy with patriarchal status that they don't want to risk it by policing misogyny/queerphobia/racism, It's because being misogynistic, queerphobic, and racist, end expressing other forms of toxic masculinity(and often abusively so) are part of how people establish and maintain patriarchal status. The men who have the ability to stop this via nothing but peer pressure are the very people who are doing it. That's by design. And engaging in feminist intervention is, in and of itself, usually the abrupt end of that status and its associated power to persuade misogynistic men.

Like, I have worked in blue collar jobs as a notably queer person. It was pretty much a constant deluge of verbal abuse. In my experience, most blue collar work environments are exploitative, abusive, and bigoted, and very gleefully so. On the occasions I have spoken up about someone saying something that was super fucking out of line (asking me which of the girls walking by was hottest. We were installing a portable classroom at a middle school), believe it or not, they completely failed to be shamed! Because nobody else on the crew gave a fuck. *I* was the weird one. They ghosted me. A full blown company ghosted me. I suddenly didn't have a job anymore because they just straightforwardly stopped telling me where the next job site was.

Like, this doesn't mean that it's your job to do it, but this vision you have of these big groups of men where everyone is on the fence and there is precisely one shit stirrer who can be shut down by a brave feminist man who can single handedly set the example for all these other guys...you are high. You are describing an "everybody clapped" level absurd scenario. Most of these truly virulent misogynistic guys either have zero friends, because, you know, our society is atomized to fuck, or they are in a group where the feminist guy is actually the weirdo who can be shut down and ostracized much, much easier than the misogynists, because there is no such thing as a man misogynists respect who stands up for women.

You might be saying "well, we're talking about longstanding personal relationships, actually. Like, they need to have to want to spend time with you and then, as a side effect, you can mind control them out of being a threat to us."

Problem with that being:

1: Many feminist men also have no friends, see the atomized society above.

2: Feminist men already stopped hanging out with men who make rape jokes because why the fuck would we want to spend time with them.

3: That isn't just because we respect women so hard. We are in many cases talking about men who are also deeply queerphobic, heirarchical, violent and abusive to other men. What initially drew me to feminism and women was a lack of heirarchical squabbling and constant bullying, and the ability to be openly queer. A lot of men who came to feminism did so because they knew that the patriarchy was not a place they would find success or acceptance. These are not the men who are gonna be able to change right wing minds.

4. Men do not view themselves as a monolith. There is no universal brotherhood of men. The actual meaning of the term "Fragile masculinity" is that men are constantly expected to prove that they are deserving of the status of being a member of their own gender. There are large swathes of men--including most of the men who you'd look to as examples of good, feminist men who you want to undertake this project--who are considered failed men, sissies, f****ts, soyboys, ect. They are. Not. Going. To. Convince. These. Men. Of. Jack. Shit. Much less successfully *shame* them. Jesus.

I know all of this sucks. I know it would be cool to be able to just point at a group and have them be responsible for the work. But nah. It's gonna have to be a societal project, one that will probably outlast all of us. Sorry. The thing you want these men to do is, absolutely, the morally correct thing to do. But presuming that it would be effective is, and once again I am so sorry about this, just ignorance of how these social groups function.

[ramblesbiab]

Gosh, it took exactly two comments on my "Caitlyn kissing Vi was to manipulate her" post for me to realize I was probably wrong lol. At least I'm absolutely hoping I am, because I greatly prefer the idea that Caitlyn is essentially suppressing her emotions the best she can to get through the horrible actions on the path to vengeance and peace, and what we see during the kiss is her becoming too overwhelmed with emotion to not let it out. In that view of her character, she kisses Vi because she does genuinely wish to comfort her, and she promises not to change because she isn't trying to.

The Caitlyn who gassed the tunnels and would risk shooting a kid isn't real, or at least, she shouldn't be. Part of me is inclined to believe that a straw broke at Jinx getting away again. Caitlyn has dealt with having the shot once already. For Vi, the woman she just confessed to who she wishes so badly to be honest with about her true feelings about everything she's done, to stop her yet again? That's too much. She fully loses herself for long enough to hit Vi, but even that blind rage couldn't survive seeing the usually tough as nails Vi crying on the ground. That's why we see her expression change right before she turns around and leaves.

Caitlyn feels bad. Of fucking course she does - she betrayed Vi. She betrayed herself. Unfortunately, feeling bad doesn't end a war, so there's only one solution: shut down even more. Ambessa truly couldn't have had better timing to give Caitlyn all the power in the palm of her hand. The Caitlyn who Vi loves is still in there, but right now? Right now, there's only the drive for vengeance.

[patrice-bergerons]

Fitzier thought of the day is that James must have tried, probably quite hard, to befriend Francis, before we meet them at the start of the series. I don't think he ever liked Francis, their temperaments are too different for that (before going thru the horrors), but Francis is his senior on the expedition and James thrives by ensuring that he is liked by those in power around him, by ensuring that he is useful to them so that none look too closely at his gilded exterior to notice what it hides underneath. Sure he is shielded by Sir John, he does not report directly to Francis, but even then it goes against his entire survival strategy to be that openly hostile and rude towards anybody, even someone he can barely stand.

Which means, he must have tried with Francis, and probably tried again when his initial efforts failed, only to be met with utter disdain. And if your life is built around a lie you must hide at all costs and if the second in command is an Arctic veteran and a far superior sailor than you will ever be, if he rebuffs all your attempts at friendship and looks at you with that disdain—what do you feel except that you are seen for exactly what you are and rightfully condemned?

I think James hates Francis with everything he has because he would desperately like to believe that he is brave and clever and accomplished, that he deserves fame and success, and equally knows deep down, perhaps too deep down for conscious awareness, that he isn't, he doesn't, and he never will be.

[teal-fiend]

Drunk pred

Tw: drunk, semi-willing prey, fatal vore implied

Summary: pred gets drunk and orders a prey, then has an emotional dining experience

–

Slumped over on their couch, bottle in hand, phone in the other, the predator takes a long, bleary stare at their screen, trying to navigate the food delivery app. 

The room is empty, and their belly growls faintly, reminding them they haven’t had anyone in there in a while. 

“Oh, hush, you,” they mutter, giving their own stomach a poke. “I’m working on it.”

They’d been drinking, alone, which was a fun activity kind of, but anyway they’d suddenly gotten really really hungry. And they really weren’t in a position to go out hunting, so they thought they’d order something. 

After some less-than-steady swipes and a few failed clicks, they finally manage to order a prey for themselves. After typing something incoherent in the notes for the driver, they throw their phone down on the couch. It bounces and lands on the floor, but the pred doesn’t notice. 

They’re still holding the bottle, so they decide to finish that off. And before they know it, there’s a knock at the door. Stumbling slightly, they open it to find their prey, wide-eyed and looking a little unsure as they glance from the predator to the now empty wine bottle in their hand.

“Welcome!” the predator declares, swaying slightly as they motion their “guest” inside. “Sooo glad you could made it! C’mere, c’mere, don’t be shy! You’re… you’re exactly what I ordered.”

The prey steps inside, hesitant. Their predator seems, well, drunk. Honestly, they could probably escape pretty easily. Their predator would not be hard to out-maneuver. But that wouldn’t be good for business. And besides, the predator seemed really, really happy that they were here. 

The prey is guided inside the pred’s apartment, which is mostly well put together, spare a few bottles. 

The pred sits the prey down on the couch, arranging them like a doll, before sitting down next to them.

“Listen to this,” they slur, guiding the prey’s head right to their stomach, where the wine and other similar liquids slosh and gurgle around noisily. The prey’s left ear is pressed right up against the pred’s already slightly bloated stomach - through the fabric of their shirt, the prey is forced to listen. 

“That’s where you’re going, soon enough!” The pred says happily. 

The prey, a bit alarmed, starts to pull away, but the predator only tightens their arm around them, sighing. 

“Sorry about this,” the predator says, as they look down at their own belly, as if a little offended by it. The prey feels something drop onto their neck, a tear? The pred is crying a bit. 

“You know, I bet you’re a great person. And now I have to… well, eat you up.

I guess it’s natural, right? I’m a predator, it’s what I have to do. To survive.”

The prey, with their head smooshed into the predator’s belly, tries to be reassuring. “I-It’s okay,” they stammer, caught between alarm and the weird urge to comfort the sloshed predator. 

“Really, I knew what I was getting into, and it’s… fine…?”

The predator releases their grip, and the prey sets themself upright, a little dizzy. 

“Oh, you’re just being nice,” the predator says, wiping their face, “but I appreciate it.

I really don’t wanna eat you - well I do, but only because I’m so hungry. I wish I wasn’t so hungry all the time, it’s so - tiring. But yeah.”

The predator says, “I’m just going to get it over with now.” Not giving the prey any time before they sloppily start the process of fitting them into their mouth.

It’s not graceful—the predator keeps sobbing, and then gagging- however they are ultimately and primordially determined to get the prey into their stomach, that was what this was all for, after all. 

Soon enough, the prey is tucked into their belly, settling into the swirling, wine-soaked warmth.

The predator gives a long, satisfied sigh, patting their now very full, gurgling stomach with a pleased hum.

Which is Followed by an aggressive hiccup, jolting them and their prey. They mumble a few unintelligible words, some apology, and maybe a compliment to their taste, before keeling over on the couch (now being the only person remaining on it), eyes already fluttering shut. In moments, they’re fast asleep, snoring. Leaving the prey nestled inside, listening to the sloshing, rumbling sounds of digestion beginning. 

[black--sun]

He wants to snark back like it’s a preconditioned response, barely even aware he’s doing it. But he doesn’t actually have anything snappy to say back to that, and when he realizes it, he snorts instead. It’s nice being around Shiro again. It shouldn’t be, he should still be pissed, and he’s just tired instead.

Ichigo glances over, kind of surprised Shiro asked. That suggestion sounds incriminating though. He shrugs. “Haven’t thought about it. I figured I’d keep living a while and wait for it to come to me.” Plus, it won’t matter if he doesn’t make it to being old. Ichigo rolls his eyes again. “That’s not all you are, dumbass. It’s all you want people to think you are.” Some of that is probably about survival. Which is fine. Ichigo doesn’t think less of him for it. He also thinks it’s something Shiro tells himself, because if he acts like this is the only life he deserves, he won’t be disappointed when it’s all he ends up with. Except he is disappointed. He says it all the time in little ways that would be blatant if anyone bothered paying attention. And maybe its not so much that being a back alley drug dealer is all Shiro wants people to think he is, as much as it’s all he thinks people will let him be. That thought doesn’t sit well with Ichigo. “If that’s all people see when they look at you, they don’t have you figured out at all. Which is what I meant. Maybe that’s what I’ll write a book about.”

Ichigo blows out a breath “Doesn’t everyone?” he mutters. Because he’s really not immune to a hot guy saying yes even if he acts like it. 

He presses his lips then pushes out a breath and looks away, and refuses to answer directly. “What I want and what I should want aren’t the same thing anymore.” He’s not so selfish that he’d put his wants over everyone else’s best interests. He realizes that now. He messed up with Shiro, he wanted to be with him and so he threw everything else out the window. And everyone is paying for that now. He nods. It sounds like a good plan to him. It also sounds like Ichigo himself would have a hard time getting in unexpectedly and maybe that’s best.

He blows out a breath that’s so harsh it’s almost a growl. “I’m not worried about it. Why would I be worried about it or him? I’m worried about you and who’s going to be around to watch you when I’m not.” Because Shiro needs to be watched. He’s so subtly self destructive. Ichigo thinks that was a lot of words just to say Shiro's boyfriend wouldn’t have dated him if he had a problem with drug usage. “Weird or smart?” 

Ichigo finishes looking around and huffs. “What, carrying bodies around in a sports car wasn’t working for you?” As if he can talk. He’s definitely had a body or three in his trunk. The difference is his car is made for that kind of thing.

"Oh, you were bein' a smartass?" There's a heavy dose of sarcasm in his tone while he rolls his eyes. But it's good to hear that Ichigo is still thinking of his sisters in this. Ever the protector. Has to make sure his sisters are alright, had to interrupt his own life to make sure Shiro gets through this treat.

He smirks slightly about that. "What would it be about? What it's like runnin' around the streets doin' everyone else's dirty work?" He scoffs, but it's good natured. "Whatever, I'm not that hard to figure out. How to understand a back alley drug dealer for dummies." He laughs, amusing himself.

Aiming a look at Ichigo, he arches a brow and disagrees. "I always need a bunch a' guys saying yes to me. Preferably hot ones." Not that he's sleeping with his staff. He tried that exactly twice. The first time was disastrously annoying and it was not a fluke.

It is a fair question, and he wants to argue that, but Ichigo keeps going to answer the question anyway. "I wasn't asking what you think, I was asking exactly what I asked." But he got Ichigo's option anyway and it doesn't surprise him. He notes that Ichigo didn't actually say yes or no to wanting him there, though. He's talking around the answer the same way Shiro did about the shirt. "I already plan on laying low for a while. As much as I can, at least. I think I'll stay in the penthouse for a while. It's a lot safer than the mansion but it'll seem less like hiding." And he can higher some muscle to keep around easy enough, like Ichigo's suggesting, he's stubborn about it. He has always been his own muscle. He's never needed security or guards, but this is getting bigger than he can handle on his own. It's getting bigger than he thinks he warrants, but he has made himself notoriously hard to get rid of.

He doesn't know how to feel about Ichigo trying to keep him and his maybe-boyfriend situation intact. It's good of him, it's the morally right thing to do. The only real problem with it Shiro has is that it's just further proof that he and Ichigo have no chance of being together again. "I'll figure things out with him, you don't need to worry about it." Or he wont. Maybe he'll sabotage his own building relationship and blame it on all the chaos of attempted assassination. His features even out. "All my habits?" This better not turn into a lecture. "He thinks I indulge a little too much sometimes, but otherwise he tolerates it. I doubt he expected anything less from a dealer. Most people don't know I was ever clean, only you. It was always weird for me not to use the product I was sellin'."

He slides into the driver seat and starts the car, then looks over at Ichigo and snorts. "You mean boring?" He shrugs. "I needed something with more cargo space that didn't stand out so much. It's easier to clean, too. Less work for my cleaner."

[eddiegettingshot]

why not team buck? :(

like eddie deserves to go through his sad girl era after being so joyous but buck revels in almost dying

becauseeeee in daily life when the world is pressing in on him from all sides eddie, like bobby, truly believes that living is a curse. but when he’s dying all the noise cuts out. he is forced to stare down all the things he stands to lose and is left with his base-level instincts which tell him he needs to fight and that he was built to survive the anguish. as much as he is making small joyful choices he also needs to “choose” to stick around because he is not something his loved ones need to be protected from. and also i haven’t watched him struggle since season 4, plus we only got a whisper of what happens to buck when he thinks something is mortally wrong with eddie in 7x06 when he thought eddie was dead in the bathtub. if buck has the nde i am deprived of the opportunity to see buck do what he does best: scream and flail around in a way that is reserved exclusively for when eddie gets fucked up.

also buck almost dying pretty much never leads him to introspect but only inspires him to become a new version of himself defined by whatever it was that happened to him. you’re right he likes dying too much. they literally have done nothing with the time he already did die for whatever reason so i’m bored already. however the conditions now (he is bisexual, already sad/lonely/questioning what the hell he’s doing, eddie is unrepressing and probably not as inclined to hide behind chris) are such that having to deal with eddie almost dying again could throw some things into sharp clarity.

the reason i am very amenable to having it be both of them is that, even though everyone is always talking about how eddie never got to see buck’s reaction to the well or the shooting or whatever, i don’t think that is actually very important. what would be great is buck should see how his living/dying impacts EDDIE while simultaneously being forced to confront the possibility that he doesn’t have time to be stupid anymore because eddie is about to be gone and he needs to embrace reality, and fast, before he loses the chance to have what he actually wants for even just a minute <3

[howlsofbloodhounds]

what do you think killers hygiene habits would be? like, given that he lives with mare constantly in survival mode, not even being able to sleep sometimes, and considering that he tends to, well, ignore some basic needs like food etc. i remember when you said he wouldmake sure all his stuff is organized or something like that, but its more about order than hygiene right? idk if skeletons need to do that at all, it would be more relevant in human ver. so if he was a human/ or he would need to maintain his hygiene as a skeleton, how would he do that (if he actually would)? maybe it would vary depending on his stage? im really interested in your opinion on that, but ofc answer only if u want to :3

I do think a lot of this will depend on the exact conditions Nightmare keeps him in, what exactly is allowed and available to Killer, and what exactly is expected of him. This will vary depending on the Nightmare interpretation, and i have no clue about if this type of thing is touched on in Dreamtale canon.

It’s not really touched on in Killer’s canon either—on the exact environment and conditions Nightmare has him in, other then that it’s a castle, Killer reports to him after every mission, and Killer rarely ever actually is shown in the castle.

Does the castle have things like food, working water, a place to sleep, a shower? Is Killer allowed access to any of these things? Is it a limited thing—does he ever have to do or say something to earn access to basic needs? Is he only allowed to shower at certain times, or does he have to do something that pleased Nightmare to earn it?

Or alternatively, does Nightmare want his subordinates to present themselves a certain way? Does he expect a certain degree of good hygiene?

Primarily, Killer’s hygiene habits will center around what keeps Nightmare happy—which means less inconvenience for him. However, Killer’s past with Chara isn’t easily shaken: especially if you go with the royal etiquette idea.

He’d want to present some form of being put together around Nightmare, both because he has to and out of instinct left over from with Chara. And you’d definitely see him trying to put more effort in if something reminds him of Chara or triggers his conditioning.

It’d be minimal and inconsistent, mostly because Killer himself likely doesn’t feel much drive to do or care for these types of things when in Stage 2, due to his apathy.

If you go with the idea that his goop seeps from cracks or joints and causes stiffness when it dries, he’d habitually make sure to clean the bones of the body to remain functional and not useless and inconvenient.

He’d probably go long periods of time without changing his clothes or shoes (considering his shoes seem to even have holes in them in his canon and are often untied), but he does seem to take care to clean everything whenever he ends up covered in dirt and blood.

I doubt he’d really feel very motivated to earn access to things like a shower or food—but more than that, he’d feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea of admitting in any way that he needs or wants something.

So even if he wants to take a shower or brush his teeth, he won’t do or say anything that makes it obvious that he needs or wants that—he’d either sit in his discomfort until Nightmare allows it, or find a way to make it seem like Nightmare’s idea to allow him access to those things.

He doesn’t feel the urge to take care of this body he’s in, viewing it as not really his, and because he doesn’t feel the urge, he doesn’t do it. Not unless some external factor calls for it, or he notices that having a certain level of a maintained appearance would help him control others’ perceptions of him.

He’d probably do things like adjust his clothing frequently, brush off dirt, wash his hands and face when he takes care of and cleans his weapons—especially if he feels Chara’s disapproval bearing down on him, their eyes as if judging him—but it’d mostly be less a conscious choice and more a drilled in habit.

I doubt hygiene would truly be a priority for Killer unless it’s a priority for Nightmare. And even then he does it out of obligation, because he has to, because it’s expected of him. Not because he cares about himself or his body, and if anything, he probably views the body’s needs as largely inconvenient and a waste of his energy. Like a prison holding him back from his purpose.

As a human, you’d probably see an almost sickly complexion, heavy eye bags. He probably often seems on the edge of just falling asleep, although you’re unlikely to tell if he’s actually fallen asleep or not, due to the whole sleeping with one eye open thing. Which would likely lead to dry, itchy, red rimmed eyes.

His hair is probably often messy in that it gets tangled due to overwork, so he probably keeps it in a bun if it’s long enough until he can attend to it (or is told to), or if the long hair becomes a hindrance, he’d probably chop it shorter with whatever sharp object can do the job. It probably looks lifeless, limp, and thin if he’s not been able to keep a steady upkeep.

He’d probably look like he has a lifeless worn out appearance, his eyes likely look hazy and possibly his pupils dilated. He’s probably missing a few teeth actually, or has some cracked and chipped teeth; not only due to lack of access to care, but due to the constant everyday violence of his work. His nails are probably chipped, and if he hasn’t been able to clean up, there may be grime like dirt, blood, and dust underneath them.

Due to his goop, his clothing is likely to always have a degree of being stained, which is why probably why he’d be more inclined to wearing black shirts and turtlenecks and long sleeves; hides the goop and hides parts of his body, which he doesn’t think is worthy of care or upkeep. His hands and palms are likely to have some scarring as well.

And yeah, this does likely mean a sense of body odor—and torn, wrinkled, or ill fitting clothing, if he’s even able change his clothes at all.

A lot of this may be easily missed, simply because of the way Killer either subconsciously carries himself or because he overcompensates whenever he’s able (like, in the scrubbing skin red and bones raw type of way, either out of a desire for pain or control or just needing to be clean in Stage 2, or a sense of disgust and shame in Stage 1), though.

I do feel that in a more canon adjacent story—where it’s just nightmare and killer, no other bad sanses, no one else to have to maintain and control a certain image for—unless this is something Nightmare specifically harps on, Killer wouldn’t really care about his appearance or his hygiene or his odor beyond what’s expected, allows functionality or serves a purpose, and what Chara used to want from him. Is often too worn out and tired to do much besides sleep—often having to choose between sleep or hygiene before the next mission. Sleep is always more ideal.

In this type of story, i think he’d start caring a lot more about his appearance whenever he starts valuing Color. Because he wants validation, and he wants Color to notice him.

So things like Color expressing concern about his hygiene and health or being happy that Killer’s taking better care of himself, even if not excessively, would read more like Color likes when Killer presents himself a certain way to him, and that’s a way to gain his approval, attention, and validation and leads to a fragile sense of self worth temporarily. I don’t know I just like the idea that killer wants to feel pretty, or that he wants someone like color to see him as pretty.