#and pretending she is not ENTHRALLED by the blood and death

[chemiosmotic]

the thing about arbitred is that it engenders in you the exact same mix of horrified fascination that it does in arbitrage

[frownyalfred]

Okay, but counterpoint to all the angsty Bruce-bleeding-out:

Bruce is relieved. All his life, it's felt like Gotham has called to him, a siren song not even pretending to be pleasant but enthralling all the same. She's had him in a vice grip since that night and he's always known it deep in his heart.

So, when he's laying there curled against a wall, feet away from the spot that claimed his parents' lives, it all makes sense. Gotham's mercy always came with a price. He had thought it was his parents, but that was never true. His parents' debt had been called in that night and his own had begun - Gotham's lucky owed her their souls and she would always collect.

And yet, for Bruce, it doesn't feel like a punishment. He looks up at the raining heavens, the cold water soaking through the suit, and asks her, "Is it finally over?"

She doesn't answer, of course. The sky just rumbles with thunder, not even any lightning.

He knows he's dying. There's already too much blood washed away by the water to recover from. He wants to take off the cowl, suddenly suffocated by the duty she'd placed on him. He's being freed from his task, and he wants to feel the water wash through his hair. She exerts her influence over him one last time to stop him - if his identity gets revealed, the children will be in danger - but grants him the energy to roll onto his back. The cool water will work its way under the cowl enough for him.

"I get to stop now?" He asks.

His body feels more sluggish and the aches he almost forgets he has leave him, no longer compelled forward by her relentless drive. He knows this feeling - death is coming. But for once, it feels ... permanent. Gotham's cold, dark tendrils had been wrapped around his heart and soul for most of his life, laying their claim on him. But tonight, he felt them slip away and this death ... this death feels like the real one. It's not cold or scary, just peacefully empty. He has done his job, fulfilled his role.

Batman dies, spilling out the same blood he was baptized in, born from.

As for Bruce Wayne, well ... he's back home, of course, finally resting.

hi…..first of all how dare you? second of all how dare you. third of all how DARE you—-

[tomorrowedblog]

Friday Releases for June 21

Friday is the busiest day of the week for new releases, so we've decided to collect them all in one place. Friday Releases for June 21 include The Bikeriders, Kinds of Kindness, Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree, and more.

The Bikeriders

The Bikeriders, the new movie from Jeff Nichols, is out today.

THE BIKERIDERS follows the rise of a midwestern motorcycle club, the Vandals. Seen through the lives of its members, the club evolves over the course of a decade from a gathering place for local outsiders into a more sinister gang, threatening the original group’s unique way of life.

Kinds of Kindness

Kinds of Kindness, the new movie from Yorgos Lanthimos, is out today.

KINDS OF KINDNESS is a triptych fable, following a man without choice who tries to take control of his own life; a policeman who is alarmed that his wife who was missing-at-sea has returned and seems a different person; and a woman determined to find a specific someone with a special ability, who is destined to become a prodigious spiritual leader.

Thelma

Thelma, the new movie from Josh Margolin, is out today.

The feature directorial debut of Josh Margolin, THELMA is a poignant action-comedy that gives veteran Oscar nominee June Squibb, her first leading role, and features the final performance of trailblazing actor Richard Roundtree. Squibb, who did most of her own stunts in the film, plays Thelma Post, a feisty 93-year-old grandmother who gets conned by a phone scammer pretending to be her grandson (Fred Hechinger)and sets out on a treacherous quest across Los Angeles, accompanied by an aging friend (Richard Roundtree) and his motorized scooter, to reclaim what was taken from her.

Green Border

Green Border, the new movie from Agnieszka Holland, is out today.

In the treacherous and swampy forests that make up the so-called “green border” between Belarus and Poland, refugees from the Middle East and Africa are lured by government propaganda promising easy passage to the European Union. Unable to cross into Europe and unable to turn back, they find themselves trapped in a rapidly escalating geopolitical stand-off. An unflinching depiction of the migrant crisis captured in stark black-and-white, this riveting film explores the intractable issue from multiple perspectives: a Syrian family fleeing ISIS caught between cruel border guards in both countries; young guards instructed to brutalize and reject the migrants; and activists who aid the refugees at great personal risk.

Blackwater Lane

Blackwater Lane, the new movie from Jeff Celentano, is out today.

After witnessing a tragedy on a dangerous country road, Cass is visited by a ghostly presence and begins to question her sanity. As these otherworldly experiences intensify, Cass is driven closer to the brink until she begins to assemble the pieces of a horrific plot against her.

Trigger Warning

Trigger Warning, the new movie from Mouly Surya, is out today.

A Special Forces commando uncovers a dangerous conspiracy when she returns to her hometown looking for answers into her beloved father’s death.

Janet Planet

Janet Planet, the new movie from Annie Baker, is out today.

In rural Western Massachusetts, 11-year-old Lacy spends the summer of 1991 at home, enthralled by her own imagination and the attention of her mother, Janet. As the months pass, three visitors enter their orbit, all captivated by Janet and her spellbinding nature. In her solitary moments, Lacy inhabits an inner world so extraordinarily detailed that it begins to seep into the outside world.

Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person

Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person, the new movie from Ariane Louis-Seize, is out today.

Sasha is a young vampire with a serious problem: she’s too sensitive to kill. When her exasperated parents cut off her blood supply, Sasha’s life is in jeopardy. Luckily, she meets Paul, a lonely teenager with suicidal tendencies who is willing to give his life to save hers. But their friendly agreement soon becomes a nocturnal quest to fulfill Paul’s last wishes before day breaks.

Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree

Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree, the new expansion for Elden Ring, is out today.

The Shadow of the Erdtree expansion features an all-new story set in the Land of Shadow imbued with mystery, perilous dungeons, and new enemies, weapons and equipment.

Discover uncharted territories, face formidable adversaries, and revel in the satisfying triumph of victory. Dive into the riveting interplay of characters, where drama and intrigue intertwine, that create an immersive experience to savor and enjoy.

Times & Galaxy

Times & Galaxy, the new game from Copychaser Games and Fellow Traveller, is out today.

Embark on an interplanetary adventure as the first robo reporter for the Times & Galaxy, the solar system’s most trusted holopaper. You’re just an intern, but if you can get the scoop, write great stories, and impress your colleagues, maybe you'll get to keep your job!

Dystopika

Dystopika, the new game from Voids Within and UNIKAT Label, is out today.

A city-building sandbox for futuristic cities. No goals, no management, just creativity and dark cozy vibes.

CRASH

CRASH, the new album from Kehlani, is out today.

[superphantom]

Enthralled with the idea of Danny from Danny legit dies and has a physical corpse but can still kinda be human au and the Winchesters from just regular canon bumping into each other while... hiding bodies.

Three teens carrying a fourth by his arms and legs into the woods. Would they even be able to tell that it’s Danny’s corpse? It’s gotta be pretty much cooked through at that point. Hold on, I’m going to write something rq, apologies for any mistakes/bad writing but the concept is just too fun. If you think so too, go ahead and try your hand at it, this has so many excellent interpretations.

Edit but not really cuz I haven’t actually posted anything yet: I’ve only read back through this once but I’m pretty happy with how it’s turned out, just wanted to add a quick warning for horrific death and descriptions of a corpse and all that. 

--

Digging graves always sucked, naturally. It’s hard to plow through a good six feet of rocks and dirt and bones and whatever other crap might be waiting below the surface (one time, in some backwoods in Ohio they’d hit a bathtub around three feet down. Never got an explanation for that one). But, of course, the muggy pits of July made things much worse.

Sam had shed his top layer in the car, and was now down to a single shirt. He probably would’ve taken that off too, had it not been glued onto his back from sweat. Dean, who’d made a dig at Sam earlier that night for not being able to “take the heat like a man” still wore his flannel over his shirt, though it was beginning to soak through.

Laborious elements aside, what really made grave digging so tedious was the inability to fill it with anything else. It wasn’t like they could play music or anything, when they were in graveyards they had to keep a low profile, and all the other smart places to go hiding a corpse don’t get radio reception. And talking? With the amount of dust and dirt they kicked up, not to mention the work itself, it was more like trying to reason with a bully as they threw sand in your face. Gritty, painful, and overall, not worth it. So the brothers dug side by side with only light from a half-dead camping lantern and the singing of insects to keep them company.

Sam hit a rock with the tip of his shovel to knock it loose from the wall, the scooped it up and heaved it over the side of the grave. It was still only about knee height, meaning they’d have to put in another two hours minimum if they wanted to get the man hidden.

He’d been working with a witch to dodge death as he cheated his way through some shady business dealings. Actually, he’d been fairly easy to subdue- probably why he needed the witch in the first place- but once Dean had yanked the hexbag from where it hung around his stick-figure neck he’d begun to convulse and when he stopped, well, he wasn’t going to start convulsing again. That, however, was a problem for tomorrow.

Sam knocked a few rocks loose this time, letting them pile around his feet then launching them all over his shoulder at once. With the sound of metal clacking against rock gone, he realized Dean had stopped digging and was leaning against the handle of his shovel cautiously looking out into the woods. Sam moved in next to him and tried to figure out where he was looking.

“What are y-“ he asked. Dean shushed him before he could finish, then signaled for him to listen and pointed just past a thick bramble, to a gap between two trees. It would’ve been impossible to spot without years of hunting experience, out about 100 yards away were little moving. They weren’t even shadows, it was simply just movement in the dark. “Dude-“

Dean shushed him again, and shot him a dirty look before pointing more forcefully in the direction of the movement and focusing back in place. He gestured once again for Sam to listen. For a few moments they stood in silence, barely breathing. It was faint, but Sam began to make out what was unmistakably English. a dull beam of light swung around towards them then went back to facing the other direction, effectively re-blacking out the figures. Sam reached back, not taking his eyes off the movement, and now occasional glimpses of light, and snapped off the lantern.

It took a few seconds for their eyes to adjust to the dark. Once they could see each other again, Dean tilted his head to the left, pointed a few times with two fingers in a two directions then held one finger against his mouth. Sam nodded and they both began creeping in opposite directions with the intention of surrounding who or what was having a chat out in the woods at night.

Sam moved as if he were gliding above the forest floor. He could vaguely make out Dean doing the same, though he was now could see Dean about as well as he’d been able to see the... three? He hovered further. Definitely three people (or, by his guess witches), earlier. Now that he was getting closer, though, he began to take note of a few things.

There were three short witches(?) standing fanned out around something slumped on the forest floor, their dying halogen flashlight held limp in one of their hands, flickering sadly. The witch farthest from flashlight-witch and closest to Sam held a shovel, though didn’t make any moves to use it. None of them moved, they all just stood there and stared at whatever was at their feet.

He signaled to Dean that he was going to go in from the front. He was pretty sure he saw the shadows nod to him, so he took that as an okay. Like a mouse on cotton, he positioned himself just far enough into the forest that they couldn’t quite see, Dean doing the same but behind them.

“I- What do we do?” the one holding the flashlight muttered. His nose was awfully clogged, it sounded like he’d been crying.

“I don’t know, Tuck.” The one holding the shovel answered. She also sounded upset, but more like she was doing everything she could to push back tears, a tone that Sam knew very well. “Danny, are you sure you wanna do this?”

The one in the middle, Danny, shook his head. Each of his arms reached across his middle, like he was trying to hug himself, or maybe more like he was trying to make himself look small, trying to hide. “I-“ his voice cracked and he let out a few sobs. The leaves and sticks made a simultaneous crack as he fell down onto his knees, folding over himself and shaking with pure, cutting sorrow.

Flashlight, or Tuck apparently, and Shovel got down beside him, hugging him from either side. They held one another and sobbed, one of them, Shovel, creaking out some pained “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”’s between wordless wails. From the looks of them, they couldn’t be more than 12 years old. Or maybe they could, Sam wasn’t a pediatrician. They were undoubtedly much too young to be in the middle of nowhere, all alone in a fragile mental state doing who-knows-what.

Sam looked to Dean then gestured with his head to let him know he was going to talk to the kids. Dean shook his head and violently gestured with his gun at the kids. Wait. Not /at/ the kids, beyond them. He’d neglected studying the white-wrapped body in front of them. That explained the tears. He couldn’t help but feel for them, even though for all he knew they’d just murdered someone in cold blood. He looked back to Dean and nodded, then signaled again.

Keeping his gun at the ready, but tucking it behind his back he slowly and deliberately stepped out of the trees, intentionally making noise so they’d see him coming. Tuck looked up with bloodshot eyes and a runny nose. Danny and Shovel tensed but didn’t further acknowledge him.

“Um, hey,” he said, trying his best for nonthreatening and landing at the border of creepy and awkward. “Are you guys good?”

Tuck’s eyes flooded with tears, but he got up on shaky legs, trying to pull Danny and Shovel up with him. They weakly joined him, leaning against one another for support. Despite the warm night, all three were trembling.

“I’m, uh, I’m not here to hurt you,” Sam started, not really sure where he was going with this, “I’m Sam Winchester, what are your names?”

Tuck gave him the same watery stare he’d had the whole time, like Sam was the saddest thing he’d ever seen. Shovel looked up next, she was more angry. Maybe her smeared and ruined makeup should’ve made her look silly, but all it did was add to the aggression she exuded. He could see her squeezing both her friend’s shoulders and tugging them very slightly to the left, wordlessly signaling- or at least trying to- an escape plan. Sam pretended not to notice.

“I just wanna know what happened here,” he inched his way towards the corpse. As he got closer he could smell burnt hair and flesh, another thing he was all too familiar with. He didn’t break eye contact as he squatted down and gently pulled the sheet back from a tuft of what he assumed was hair.

He bit the inside of his cheek upon seeing the boy. Fried was the only word that could describe him. His mouth hung open, as did his eyes- or at least, what was left of them. Ooze had dribbled from every orifice and re-solidified in horrible mauve blobs. His hair was barely more than a charred mess, his skin was peeling and bubbled in places, and so discolored Sam could barely make out the dusting of freckles across his nose. This was a death in agony if he’d ever seen one.

He folded the cloth back over the boy’s head and straightened up, pulling the gun from where it had waited behind his back.

“Alright,” he said firmly, “I’m gonna need some answers.”

Danny looked up, letting Sam properly see his face for the first time. His red-rimmed eyes widened at the sight of the gun, lips tightening into a thin line. It was a look of fear and resignation. He ran the back of his hand across his nose. Sam noticed a dusting of freckles on it. He looked to the sheet and then back to Danny, then checked once more.

“What the hell is going on here.” Sympathy gone, Sam allowed himself to posture intimidatingly. Whatever freaks these- these- these... freaks! were, they weren’t about to get away with cooking some kid alive. “Talk.”

The “or I’ll shoot” was silent, but understood. Danny cleared his throat, one hand rubbed nervously on the back of his neck.

“It- I-“ he stuttered, then in a barely audible trembling voice he said, “I, uh, I think I’m dead.”  

[sly-merlin]

S A C R I F I C E

SACRIFICE - A STORY OF LOVE, BETRAYAL, REVENGE AND BARGAINING

CHARACTERS : prince jaehyun x princess y/n

GENRE : fluff, angst.

WORD COUNT : 7k

TIME PERIOD : OF SHY GLANCES AND BLOOD BATHS. WHERE LOVE IS FORBIDDEN AND HATRED NOT.

WARNINGS : Includes dirt play, revenge. Major character deaths like MAJOR, mentions of blood, murder, killing, assassination and an explicit scene of killing.  Cw : food mentions  SMUT WARNING : kissing! mentions of undressing.

DISCLAIMER : THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. FICTION. FICTION. NO DESCRIPTION REPRESENTS OR GIVE ANY HINTS TO JAEHYUN'S REAL LIFE CHARACTER. 

a/n : part of heartbreakhotel monthly event by precious network @nct-writers

SUMMARY : heart in one hand, a blade in another. Which one goes down under the weight of other? Who is brave enough to sacrifice the other?

The shimmering, colourful, geometrical patterns of the bronze kaleidoscope motivated your heels to exultant jumps, simply sending tingles to your friend's mind who quietly stood beside you wondering what new pattern had caught your eye this time. She was equally excited yet waited for you to be absolutely gratified. After all, a pattern viewed once could never be seen twice or remembered long enough to be claimed to have hit our eyes.

The light hues of the unreachable sun coloured the small market in its natural glow making terrible winter evening walks a little more bearable .You loved it. You loved the scenery, all the more so because it was deemed to be yours. Every corner of this small kingdom had your father's crown engraved on it yet you weren't permitted to move around in a place you dared to call your own. Hence the poorly patched long cotton skirt and lazily stitched full sleeved shirt covered you like you were a fugitive in disguise or maybe belonged to some impoverished village. Same was the case with your pretty friend who, once averse to your youthful shenanigans, found the silver jewellery most fascinating in the whole market and not to omit the street food that turned the palace food to be flavourless.

 You had never been very keen on lying to your parents, popularly called the rulers of the kingdom and your poor attendants who thought you were busy with your evening naps that you had suddenly taken upon a liking towards since the past month. But it was a necessity for you. Roaming in the same humongous rooms no more satiated your travelling mind. You wanted to be out, to be free, to just breach all the restrictions you were placed under as a princess to satisfy the hollow rules. As much as your morals and conscience despised hiding truth, this little game you played harmed no soul. Your safety was their priority and you were safe and secure as long as you didn’t leave her side. And this excuse inadvertently spiralled you in this endless circle of hide and seek taking control over your better judgement, throwing the need to pause this rendezvous in the background. What once done out of curiosity and to experience the fanatic lives of your subjects, was now a sine qua non. From patiently performing and learning new tasks suiting your position to skillfully diverting your maids, you indeed had all the prerequisites to be the best queen of your future kingdom. Even though the praise of achievement always resided only in your head, you found yourself to be impressively regal.

"Let me have a look too, y/n" zara, your dear friend pleaded not so politely.

Reluctantly removing the device from your eyes, you pushed it onto her hands, backing away slightly, allowing her in the space.

"Why don't you go and look at some silver jewellery instead?" Huffing, you suggested to lure her.

“The new ones arrive next monday!” Not paying heed to your tender, she kept smiling, enthralled by the beauty captured between the pieces of mirrors.

You nudged her playfully, the action meant to drive her to the end of her patience but she dogged your efforts with continuous giggles. Relentless you were too and she was always reminded of that in a hard way. What your elbow failed to do, your fingers completed. As soon as your fingers in her ears, she bitterly pulled herself away to face you.

“This is unfair y/n. This hour of freedom is not for your pleasure only” puckering her lips, she said while her eyes squinted at you. 

Suddenly, her forehead was smeared with thoughtful lines, “y/n! It’s been twenty minutes already. Where is your lover?” surprise rained over her whole face, “Do you think he got caught?”

You were almost ready to refute her former statement that he certainly wasn’t your lover yet but her latter question of suspicion appalled you and there was no need for her to ask you any further as she noticed your face shrinking, distorting your pretty lips into a worrisome pout. She immediately left the metal device, focusing on you.

“hey! I am not serious. I was just trying to distract you” as she cupped your face, a pout of her own greeted you.

Her words were not reassuring at all. There was no unlikelihood of what she said. Jaehyun was, without any doubt, illustrious in the fouled game you both played but neither his family resided here nor was he allowed to enter the premises of your kingdom. The said man was corrupted by his youthful glow that granted him enough courage of frisking around the walls of the forbidden territory.

Inhaling sharply, you uncloaked your worry,

“do you think he real-

“no no absolutely not love. He’s too clever for that and he’s been doing since months, way longer than me and you! Let’s wait for a few more minutes.” Cupping your chin, she jested and cooed, “Also won't he perish without seeing your beautiful face. He would be here any minute!”

 Just when you responded to her with a grim nod, a well acquainted shoulder bumped into you, mitigating your distress with a familiar touch. eyes closed in relief, you looked at zara for approval which was given right away with a playful wink.

Giggling like a little child, you skipped to the back of the market where jaehyun waited for you every evening. Hiding your face in the silk grey scarf, you sneaked away avoiding everyone’s sight and waiting for your arrival, Jaehyun stood there with the lower half of his face concealed with a black cotton headcover. 

As soon as he saw you, the hand glueing the cloth to his face fell down and his face lit up with a smile worthy of putting stars to shame if compared. The wrinkles on his face and the dips in the cheeks had you wanting to hide in those spaces, away from everyone who had heralded this union to be forbidden.

 There you stood, staring into his dark eyes like he wasn't someone you were supposed to keep a good distance from. 

But the light in his eyes diminished on seeing your excited face.

"You did that again! Why don’t you follow anything I say to you? At least, look back and confirm my presence. What if someone had followed me?” deeply whispering, he frowned at you.

And fondly, you smiled at him, something that he never found fascinating but it still left him flustered.

"Don't smile at me like that. I won't melt this ti-

"I apologise?"

You blurted out taking him by surprise. His mouth opened and closed several times, body slightly rocking in confusion. Finally, he spoke, 

"I didn't mean it like that." His voice softened, "i just can't - 

Cleaning his muddy hands on his pajamas, he placed them on your cheeks, engulfing your whole face with his long fingers.

"I just can't see you in danger. If any of my uncle’s spies came wandering and recognised you at this hour, they'd not hesitate to slit your throat y/n" the way his face contorted as he recited the known truth,  it was evident how just the mention of it was painful to him. "Don't follow unless you see my face. I know there's no one harming you in your own country but you never know when odds might defeat you" 

"Do you-

You began but his questioning eyes stopped you. His eyes talked only in worry and love. Both for you. But even if you were content with what he showered you with, greed for little more was something you never deemed unnecessary.

"I what?" 

You wanted to continue but the perpetual worry planted on his face disturbed you as well.

"Jaehyun-'' your fingers brushed away the strand of hair on his face, “I mean don’t you find it tedious? Giving me the same instructions every other day, wasting the ten minutes of the limited time we get.”

He left your face and focused on cleaning the remaining dirt from his hand. To avoid suspicions and blend into the environment, he always covered his hands in mud, giving an impression of a forlorn daily worker. Nobody questioned a person who looked homeless and unhappy, even if he meandered near the barbed wires.

“I got in trouble.”

You hadn’t even sat down on the bench and he was already bombarding you apprehensions.

“how?” inaudibly, you asked.

He broke his eyes away before responding,

“they saw me leaving the palace yesterday. From tomorrow, I shall be accompanying my cousin to verify the supplies in the production department.” his chuckle forced you to let out one as well. his irresponsible behaviour had fables of its own, as jaehyun had told you once. the little penalties he was subjected to weren’t discomforting either but this time it involved you as well.

“for how long?”

 “my family’s care agenda would hopefully end within two weeks and then I shall be free again. but we might need a new place and new time too.”

His words were muffled in the back as your eyes remained transfixed on his hand sheepishly rubbing his neck. Under your inappropriate scrutiny, he found himself tinting and your strong gaze posed more problems for his already thumping heart.

He coughed you out of your daze, eyes wavering everywhere. Picking your lip, you suppressed your giggles.

Finger under your chin, you pretended contemplation. Your comical stance earned a groan from him,

“how about you get serious for once and I’ll buy you steamed food.”

Smiling widely, your greedy stomach took the offer immediately.

“not everyone lacks intelligence, prince jaehyun.”

He huffed and crossed his arms, feigning offence at your statement. “Now what are you implying princess y/n.”

“that I might already have a place decided. So hurry up now and feed me food while telling me about your day.”

“You are impressive, my lady! How am I going to live with your notorious self?”

“you plan on living with this notorious princess?” you clowned even though his question showed you more than just a hope.

“the inquiry hour is closed princess and so would be the shops if you choose to delay more. Soooo, shall we leave?”

Responding to your sharp gaze, he took your hand and pressed his plump lips onto them, disrupting the chain of your rational thoughts.

As the atmosphere tuned cooler and he bid adieu, you went back with a new assurance, ready to put your life on hold for the next few weeks.

lying on your back, you let out muffled giggles to celebrate another successful classified evening. clothes were changed, chess was out. You were prepared for any intrusion.

Zara's laughter soon died down, happy and heavy breaths replacing them. Seated on your bed, she faced you,

"So my courageous y/n, did you confess today?"

Abruptly you raised yourself, looking at her in bewilderment,

“Of course not!”

“What? Why not? What are you waiting for? Time is slipping away love.”

“I know. I just want to be a little more sure before taking this a step further. I do not want to misjudge his momentary affection for a promised future.The detestation our families share for each other has always proven to be deadly. Unless I’m sure that jaehyun’s feelings are indisputable, I shall not be proceeding." Mumbling out the last part, you began playing with the hem of your deep blue skirt to hide the disappointment that settled in within your heart. 

"Okay. I can't force you but do know that saving your heart from misery is better. Oh and does the poor boy have any hint about me." Zara advised lacing her words with a chuckle in the end. 

"Don't worry. You are just a maid friend whom I love and trust the most. He believes each of my pretty lies you know.”

"Oh my love. He truly fancies you. I wish your brother wasn't so incapable of harbouring feelings. How delightful life could have been only if he was like you." She wistfully spoke just like other times. Your heart hurt for her. She never got the love she was capable of giving yet the kindness never withered away. She was just like that. 

Soon your peace was interrupted and you were escorted to the dinner table. 

There sat your parents with their favourite child. You weren't loved any less yet it weakened your heart, watching them walking past your capabilities to applaud his undistinguished skills. His gender screamed for power when his capabilities barely had any knowledge of whispering about them. You abhorred it. Not your brother for he was raised with a rode in his neck but the stars that never aligned in your favour crushing your dream of wearing the crown for your own kingdom, under the grime rules made by those who were dead. Only god and zara knew how much hatred you held for your ruthless ancestors who never favoured women.

Sans any relish, you bit on the food which definitely tasted better for something you were not very fond of. but the almost good meal was ridden of all the salt as you felt conscious of their eyes on your face.

"Is there something you want to say to me?" you asked with a reluctantly polite voice.

That's when you noticed how their attention was divided to both you and zara.  Your brother Donghae’s serious eyes bored into her face as she tried to avoid him while sitting right across him on the dining table.

Finally your mother spoke.

“Donghae was looking for you throughout the whole evening, zara.”

Zara lowered her head, look on her face screaming help which only you understood so you took the charge on her behalf,

“We were in my room.”

“And what is so important in your room that you both chose to ignore constant calls from your maids?”

“After an exhausting and unentertaining day, we both play chess, share all the amusing stories of our respective days, details of which can be given to you if asked with some enthusiasm and then we sleep for an hour, in peace without anyone spitting orders on our faces and since when have my brother changed so much that he actually got some time to look for his wife?”

“May I know from where this disrespectful flow of words is coming through? Is this a way to talk to your elders?”

“I mean no disrespect, mother.”

“This ends today. From tomorrow you shall be spending those two hours with our bakery chef.”

Instead of your mother, you directed your next plead to your father, who was an expert in nodding at household matters

“No! This is the only time I get with zara. within a year or two i’ll be married off to some rude man who won’t even let me put my feet outside the threshold of his palace.” pouting, you said.

Waving his hand, he dismissed the matter that meant whoever got the last sentence was the conqueror of the discussion.

"Why are you here?" Counting and aligning the stars to form another shape, he interestingly asked.

"I wanted to explore this dead garden. What about you? What brings you here in the enemy land?" You jested.

"to meet a very beautiful enemy."

"a woman?"

"Yes yes. She's a woman. A very pretty one I must say but very feisty and dangerous to be around."

"Oh how so?" You asked now genuinely interested in his description of yours.

"I've heard she has a heart of stone."

"Huh? Have you seen her heart to be so sure of your accusation?"

"I've enough instances to prove that."

"Like?"

"She meets a handsome prince, spends an hour staring at his eyes with all but love and still chooses to stay silent. It's a dangerous game she's playing with him. It almost - it hurts him."his fatalistic expression left you stunned. The ancillary confession beleaguered your heart instead of calming the storm.

Nibbling on your bottom lip, you tried your best to focus on the constellations instead. you pulled the poor blade of grass harder in a futile attempt of breaking it apart but it was snatched from you.

“answer me.” He demanded the answer that was resting on the tip of your tongue.

"I love you."

He blurted out and you felt his fingers finding home in yours as he interlocked them. the moisture of the grass swamped your hands and you finally found your warmth within each other.

“the whole palace is under your charm y/n” you stopped the stirring at zara’s words.

“how so?”

“they haven’t seen your wrath in the past few weeks. You didn’t shout at minji for throwing your burnt cake either.”

Swatting her hand away from the pot, you replied, “let them enjoy their peace days.”

“may god bless jaehyun! The whole palace is saved until you are happy.” Bumping her shoulders into yours, she took the charge from you. “what about the haunted garden y/n. aren’t you afraid of going there. it’s been weeks and I haven’t heard you screaming about any ghost.”

You scoffed at her naive self, “the only ghost that haunts the garden is in ME!” dragging the last part, you successfully scared her into dropping the ladle in the hot pot. Resultantly, she chases you off in the whole kitchen until you agree to turn the muddle of vegetables into something edible.

Jaehyun’s presence generated so much happiness within your soul that you were afraid one unfortunate day would snatch him from you yet you never fought against the urge to drown in the love he poured on you. He mirrored the boy you met in your books, just as dreamy, if not more. His princely chiselled face was a sight to die for. He was a typical example of a lotus, a beautiful flower born in mud where it lived and died and you wanted to change that for him.

“What do you fear the most?”

Nestling your face in his neck, you couldn’t help but ask the question. He snuggled you closer to him, the sheet beneath you crumpling making the leaves and the grass it covered rustling under you. He shifted his head only to face your hair. Removing his one hand from your waist, he moved your chin to inspect you. He never understood how you came up with most bizzare and inquiring questions. But he was always more than happy to speak or in this case, express.

“that I will forever remain indebted to you.”

grasping his hand that held your chin, you saw him gulp down the words he hesitated to utter. 

"Love is not a debt jae. Just keep loving me like this, make me hap-

Abruptly your view of him changed as he floated over your figure. Resting your head on the sheet, his fingers traced the path along your face, feeling every inch of the skin he had learned to admire from afar. With adoration filled eyes, he drew nearer.

His lips were delicate against yours. Moving gently, he comforted your vulnerable ones, winning a pleased and dry whine from your throat. Hands dropping to your neck, his lips travelled down to your jaw where he sucked lightly at a candied spot and the little tickle kisses he gave you reaching your collarbones left you squealing in its wake. He hovered over your face again, this time to taste the bliss you felt and courageously, you pulled him closer and like it was designed, Mist of delight clouded your minds as  you forgot your fingers in his nape. If finding stars in his eyes was your expression of love then dancing against your pulsating lips, he perfectly found his interpretation as well. 

He drew back when he was done with bruising your skin. Staring into your eyes, he asked for something. With a blink of the same, you conveyed it. 

Curving your back, you allowed him to unzip the lavender dress you were wearing. As he uncovered your skin, he greeted it with beautiful, praiseworthy kisses, covering you with his undying love.

That night he resuscitated you, sending you into an oblivion. 

The reason being the incantations that he served you with.

I wish to give you a ring!

And the simple words resonated the promise that you could hardly wait for him to fulfill.

Sympathy combining some unknown feeling washed over you as you heard your father talking about the neighbouring kingdoms and the pitiful state they were in. you had always known about the lack of resources those people lived with but that was the end. It was just a topic of discussion and theory to learn about the blunders of their ancestors and the brutal history of their treason to an old ally, your father and grandfather.

With a contempt laced tongue, once again, your father recited the story of betrayal of the lees and the jungs. The story was religiously told to every child once they were old enough to understand the terms like loyalty, allegiance, infidelity and betrayal.

You had vowed to change that. a seed of hatred planted in a younger mind would only yield a crop of vengeance. you aspired to end it. Jaehyun, too, wanted to wash the stains of treachery from his family name.  

 To your dismay, the army was out to roam the small towns and villages, looking for trespasser enemies. 

One day, you were resting in jaehyun's arms and the next day, you were left to sulk as the guards had suddenly decided to reaffirm the reliability of all the hinges. The doors were smacked, locked and unlocked, leaving you with million suspicions and a heavy heart. 

The only assurance you had, was in Jaehyun's capability of fooling the security forces. Proud as you were, the unsettling feeling of a blurred future did not let you sleep. For three nights.

Jaehyun wrapped his arms around your waist, hugging you tightly from behind.

“easy jaehyun! it tickles!” you exclaimed while controlling your giggling.

“i thought you won’t be here tonight but yo-

“but i managed to sneak!” you finished, turning in his arms to see his beautiful face glistening in the moonlight. “and i don’t know for how much longer i can fool my attendants, what if one day they got in trouble for negligence. The security is doubled outside all the chambers. If I pulled anything, father would not hesitate to behead them.” your face dimmed with the mere thought of the fate of your precious maids and if anything happened to them, your soul would be forever encumbered with the guilt. 

your worried eyes didn’t escape jaehyun as he leaned forward to give you a small kiss, soothing your nerves. the small peck left you wanting for more as you bit your lower lip in anticipation of his further actions.

“nothing would happen. it’s been 2 months and nobody in the whole kingdom knows where and with whom their gorgeous princess spends her nights! and besides i’m here to ease the worries of your forever wandering mind. "

"Why do you always have to talk in riddles jae!"

He laughed through your smacks before circling your figure twice, leaving you staggered and dumbfounded.

"What are yo-

"I'm serious. I’m just here to fulfil my promise love.” he caught and pulled you again, keeping just a little distance between you both

“what promise? i don’t remember anything!” you asked genuinely perplexed by his words. as far as your memory too you, the only promise he made was-

your eyes widened at the realisation! jaehyun removed his one hand from your waist, putting it inside the pocket of his pants.

at this point, you could hear your own thumping heart whilst looking at him expectantly.

“let’s relieve you of a huge burden my princess!” he said with a smiling face but as you tried to mirror his expression, a sharp pain coursed through your abdomen.

you wobbled as he left your waist, the pain doubling when he pulled the small knife out of your body, a smirk adorning his features instead.

your body felt hotter than ever as the blood slowly oozed out of your abdomen. no scream left your lips as you pressed the wounded area in a try to lessen the ache.

The solemn tears falling down the cheeks were not for the physical damage but for the broken promise Jaehyun had bestowed upon you with.

“wh-why?” was the only word you could form before your other hand went to grab his arm but was only met with air.

jaehyun loomed closer and his knife met your stomach once again, this time a grievous shriek filled the silent garden. 

Your legs lost life, your body finding it harder to withstand the twist of the knife as you fell on the grass, darkness consuming your soul.

“because i couldn’t be on the throne as long as the heir of this kingdom was alive. but your death won’t be worthless love. I shall wear the crown of your sacrifice and reclaim all the lost honour.”

Instead of a deep breath as you had expected, a choked sob left your lips and the whole body convulsed with the painful effort.

Your eyes remained glued to him as he rubbed his face with this sleeve regarding you with the cruelty you never knew he was capable of.

contempt in his orbs served as his last offering towards you as he exited your sight, calling for someone.

After what felt like years, you heard a human voice again but your body gave up before you could comprehend anything. 

“you did it my boy!”

Jinyoung broke his hateful glare from the throne and patted a demented jaehyun on the back, congratulating his prime pawn for the successful acquisition. The so called disqualified heirs were now the rulers, a dream that was once broken by their backstabbing friend, the now murdered king of this kingdom.

“and you shall be rewarded for you have made your deceased father proud.” Hand caressing Jaehyun's shoulder, he pretended to wipe the few tears that escaped due to the bitter memory. Cleaning his eyes with the sleeve of his dusted robe, he took the gold crown from his younger brother, jinseok and ran his eyes from jaehyun to the majestic chair on the silver podium.

With pride clotted blood, Jaehyun bowed to him before taking his seat.

The crown was set atop his head, fitting him without any doubt.

It weighed more than he thought.

With a sinister smile, his uncle ordered the assassination of all the loyal members of court.

Guards were beheaded and bodies were counted.

The palace was foraged, to find and kill all the runaways.

A manhunt was announced for the one who wasn’t found.

Nobody knew there were more to be found.

The triumphant smile lit Jaehyun's face for he lost nothing.

Three weeks later.  

Donghae’s hands lost all the strength, the plastic bag filled with potatoes now rolling down the uneven and mud washed floor of the hut.

The day he had been anticipating with broken hope and glistening eyes was not a dream anymore.

Your fingers finally trembled against the hard, rugged and rough mattress.

You had decided to open your eyes after three weeks.

Finally he allowed himself to cry.

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me

Crown hanging between his fingers, his gaze pierced the ground.

You were lying there three weeks ago.

Were you taken away?

Were you no more?

There was no probability of inhaling after how perfectly he had spun his knife.

No man had ever survived his knife, not even his own teacher. There was no way you could have. All the odds were in his favour for all the cards being played with accuracy.

Did he hope for your life?

You were an enemy, just a play. Then why the thought of never beholding you again hurt him so much. 

why the weight of the crown crumbled on him with such intensity.

Why did he choose your chamber to stay in?

Yet Why was he unable to sleep?

He grew up seeking answers and  taking orders and this time there was no one to respond to his cries.

Neither did anyone care enough to ask him the reason for his quotidian visits to the garden.

I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug

It wasn’t home. But the eyes looking back at you undeniably reminded you of it. A day has passed since you saw the light of the world again but all you did was listen to the gut-wrenching fate your family had met with. Half of the family!

Your parents were murdered in the coup premeditated  by none other than the neighbouring jungs. What was equally agonising was the fact that your brother never got to give your parents a respectable farewell. The troops had charged upon their sleepy selves and the mere hanging crown on the naked and bloodied sword of jin young was enough of a proof of the successful attack. Their escape hadn't been easy either but with a little help from the general, they had managed to flee. Zara had led them to you. 

 Unknown fear consumed you as you read your surroundings. But it was time you admitted to your mistakes and faced the consequences. If there were any brutal ones left. There was nothing you would be unable to endure. So you began with the unanswered questions.

“what is this place?” you asked with a sore throat.

“this is jung’s territory. They are too blinded by their victory that this barren land is the last place they would send their troops to.” donghae replied, feeding you spoonfuls of the soup.

“But how did we reach here?"

"Through the underground war doors. They once joined both of our territories before the jungs were disqualified from trading. This end was opened by our general when we lost too much blood. Their bloody nephew is sitting on the throne, uniting this useless kingdome with ours." He seethed. 

You bit your lip to compose yourself. you knew you had to tell them about jaehyun and a broken trust was the last thing you wanted to inject in him but necessity clawed on your heart to reveal everything.

Caressing your face, he acidly began, 

"We'll take back everything. No one shall be spared. We are contacting our alliances. By next month, our kingdom would be in the state of siege. Every drop of blood shall be avenged. Jaehyun would pay for what he did."

At his mention, you withdrew your sight from him. Guilt crept up within you as you tried to affiliate every past event with the current one. It was clear as day you were a mere instrument to find a place for the entry of their troops. You were just a puppet. Unknowingly, you had allowed them to enter your parent's bedroom too. You had blood on your hands. Of countless people.

A single tear slipped and the lack of his expression on your face scared zara. She ran to occupy the other side of the bed and caught your head before you broke down in her arms. Jaehyun's lies and betrayal of your love was left somewhere in an old rusted chest of your mind and the pure anguish shattered you into millions of pieces.

You wailed yourself to sleep. 

Jaehyun visited you that night. In the form of dust. And he continued breaching your peace as if killing you once wasn't enough.

Now the day bleeds, into nightfall and you are not here, to get me through it all.

Jaehyun woke up in cold sweat. When was the last time he slept with an easy mind? 

Maybe the week before he was ordered to finish off what he had started. 

He changed rooms. 

He changed floors.

But his eyes never closed for even the minor chances of meeting you in the dreamland scared him to death. 

With a trembling hand, he picked up the crown and threw it away.

Amusingly, you were still dead.

Were you really that foolish?

Perhaps you resembled every other weak hearted person for whom a pinch of affection was a desperate call to sell their soul and rationality.

You had just wanted to walk down the markets without any constraints pulling you back in. Skipping in the shadows while hiding from the sun was the only desire you had. 

Why had he bumped his shoulder into yours? Why had he repeated it again and again until had grown to recognise his touch even through the thick layers of clothing and masked faces?

It's amusing how we end up finding each other in the same place at same time everyday

He had said with a sugary tone when you had questioned him sternly. 

You had believed him.

I'm prince Jaehyun, from the other side. I just came here to see the beauty that our place doesn't possess. It's all barren and discarded. No healthy vegetables. No dry fruits. I just enjoy myself every evening and buy some good food for some poor kids. You won't mention this to anyone right? I’ll leave right away if you want though!

How righteous had he sounded!

We'll propose unification and then everything will come to life again. No bloodshed. No backstabbing. No spy plays. We’ll never let history blemish our future.

How had he managed to contradict each and every word he had spoken. 

he just changed like the patterns in the kaleidoscope as if you had never reflected in the mirrors of his heart. 

Perhaps you never did.

You despised his way of fulfilling his Imperishable love for you! 

You were relieved Zara had been the one to inform your brother of this leading cause.

How ruthless he could have been!

You wanted to give his whole kingdom a new life and all he could give you in return was a knife. 

I was getting kinda used to being the someone you loved

Jaehyun's fingers turned green for how harshly he picked at the grass. Picking at those innocent blades didn't bring you back. 

His cries thundered in the air. He begged for the time to turn itself. He yearned for the love you had shown him. He missed your warmth. He missed your careless laughs. His heart shrieked for you. The only person he had ever loved. The only being who had ever loved him.

 Why he couldn't have saved himself from being the traitor of the heart he could've ruled!

You stared at the heavy corset that was made to safeguard you.

You were no expert with a blade but still one was handed over to you as precaution. 

The general read you the instructions, mainly focusing on the need to remain hidden underground until the war was over. You and Zara were to be kept away from the weapons. 

That was what the commandments directed you to follow.

Today, the wind blew harsher. Maybe he was the only one to feel the strange stillness in the disorder. Everything had been imprudently loud for him lately. Even the riots that shook the doors of the palace. How long could they have held onto something that never belonged to them! 

As he dismissed the servant who called him to take charge against your brother, his mind pressed upon bolting all the heavy doors to ignore the murderous stream. He had led one army before but now lacked the courage to pick up his knife and sword, the ones he buried right in the garden where you once laid.

You.

The broken look on your face was the image he wanted to delete from the depths of his mind so desperately yet your presence never left him alone. Maybe it was the sanction of the heavens that you were always there with him. In his days and in his dreams. He got all of your portraits removed yet here you were, standing in front of him with a smile on your face. A quiet rare sight. The radiant face, if not impossible to find, was still very infrequent even in his dreams. The air smelled of you. The atmosphere was enticing. Suddenly, he wanted to chase his dream, to go after you. 

So he followed his heart. 

Your illusion stayed still, with curved lips making you look ethereal. Even in the darkness, your face illuminated the way for him.

His hand rose, hoping to touch you even though the rational part of his head screamed that it was a lie created by him to save himself from another night of misery but he failed to listen and caved in. Like each time, he expected his hand to pass through you, breaking the charm of his fabrication of you. 

But here he was. 

Instead of passing through the smoke that you were supposed to be, his hand rested upon the gentle skin that your face had. Retracting his fingers immediately, he fell back in fear, eyes widening and chest heaving. 

You were anything but an illusion. 

His hand grazed against your cheek before he fell down, stumbling upon his own feet. The crown that decorated his head too withdrew its support, lying on the floor like it had recognised its lawful owner.

"My king." Solemnly, you addressed him. "I hope you are enjoying your new home and title."

As you talked, you watched him collecting himself. As he unclogged the blocks of his mind, awe transformed his face momentarily shaping itself into trepidation. To your disbelief, he brightened up once again. Had he not been liable for the ghastly crimes, you’d have sympathised with the deranged state of the always self possessed jaehyun. Alas! You had nothing to offer him.

Shuffling on his knees, with his head bowed lowly, he spoke with dead voice,

"Forgive me, please." He cried into his joined hands.

"Get up jaehyun. A mighty and worthy king like you doesn't look very honourable bowing to a mere woman like me." Your dangerously honeyed voice resembled the ominous dark clouds brooding atop his head. 

But you admired his valor for he kept apologising, burning himself with the false hope of undoing the indelible smudge he had left on you.

"I thought i never loved you y/n but i was utterly wron-

"You are a deceiver King jaehyun. Do not expect me to believe you." 

"Don't call me that please!" 

"Get up jaehyun." you barked. 

"I hate myself for doing that to you y/n." Getting up slowly, he repeated twice. You were yet to see his face and when he rose to his full height, you were met with his bloodshot eyes that could've ached you if your heart hadn't been damaged to the core.

"Don't hate yourself please. You made your family proud. That is what we kids should be aiming for right. I truly admire you for that King jaehyun." The emotionless stress on the end made him close his eyes in pain as he choked out another heart wrenching sob. 

"I'm truly sorry y/n, please. I can't take your hatred. I don't want this crown nor do i want to live here anymore."

Your stomach churned at his cries. You had truly underestimated his capability to surprise you but it only made you grip harder on the knife that was tucked in your waistband.

“How naive of you to think that I'll fall for your lies again, jaehyun.”

Rubbing his face with his palms, he looked heavenward,

"No no. I love you. I really really love you.I never realised this until now. I just can’t live without you” and continued as his glistened eyes met yours, “Why are you not listening to me?"

"Don't you think you are a bit late for a true confession."

"Yours was true right. Your love was conditionless. I swear on your love! Forgive me once please. Love is the strongest, you told me this right. I just need you y/n. not this crown. Not anyone else. Just you, Please." 

A mean scoff left your lips, "Yes, i was the one who told you about love being the most powerful but that was until you taught me the strength of hatred, jaehyun. You knifed me out of the fairytales i dreamt with you and i don't think i can ever thank you enough for that. The love you are so profoundly swearing to is lying under the debris of the hollow pride and the abhorrence you sheltered for my family. You never once heard my pleas of affection and now you expect me to listen to yours?how can you stoop so low?"

You watched him screaming into the air and crumbling down. You saw him going through the pain you would never recover from yourself and you wanted to end it. For him. It was rather painful to watch him so you mumbled his name. 

With newfound belief, he loomed closer with open arms, anticipating a change of heart from you. Maybe you weren't really as unconcerned to him as he had been with you. 

but the long blade mutilated his lungs and silent gasps of pain escaped his throat. His miserable eyes ruined the shield you wore and you screamed at him while repeating the thrusts of the sharp blade. Droplets of vengeance imbued the chilled air, drizzling down your neck in the form of sweat.

Somehow the hall was lit and you were forced to see what you had done to him. His grip on the ground faltered and the blade slipped through your fingers, the clink dangerously reverberating in the hall. 

Before your hand could reach for him, something pointed grazed your shoulder. You wanted to turn around but more and more spikes pierced through you; the heaviness and the pain that seeped through your back launched you forward and you fell down on another body that had been hosted by the marble a few moments ago. The ache of the arrows left you breathless. Once again, you struggled with your eyelids. within a few seconds, relief padded your back and you discontinued your wrestling. 

and perhaps your dead heart was finally at peace.

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Fair

Fair by The Amazing Devil. Okay bear with me here guys. There is absolutely nothing I could add to Joey’s beautiful fucking lyrics so this is my shot in the dark at something worth posting. It got kinda long too so like I hope y’all don't hate it?

Warnings: accidental love confessions, decades of mututal pining condensed into one song, cute ass resolution tho

____________

Geralt jogged across the busy street and ducked into the back entrance to the bar Jaskier was playing at, running significantly later than usual, but at least he’d told Jask he might not make it. It seemed that his friend had drawn quite the crowd, so he took one of the few available seats in a far corner and sat back to watch. 

Jaskier ran through his usual set with a couple new ones or crowd pleasing covers, even though he told Geralt he hated them. When he was winding down for the night someone shouted a song Geralt hadn’t heard before and Jaskier hesitated.

“C’mon! It’s so good!” 

Jaskier chuckled and scanned the audience, his eyes never landing on Geralt even though he waved, “You know what? Fuck it. Fair it is.”

It seemed like the whole front half of the bar whooped and hollered in delight and it had Geralt on the edge of his seat. He thought he knew all of Jask’s songs.

As he started to pluck the intro, Jaskier settled onto the stool and it seemed the audience settled in with him, listening raptly as he began in the soft voice he used to sing Ciri lullabies with. 

It's what my heart just yearns to say

In ways that can't be said

It's what my rotting bones will sing

When the rest of me is dead

It's what's engraved upon my heart

In letters deeply worn

Today, I somehow understand the reason I was born

Geralt was enthralled as soon as he opened his mouth. His attention was often consumed by Jaskier, what with the bubbling feelings he’d been pushing down over the years, but this felt… different. This was vulnerable and delicate in a way that Geralt rarely saw from his friend. He almost felt like he shouldn’t be here. Had Jaskier been searching the crowd for him? Was there a reason he wasn’t familiar with the song?

"It's not fair, it's not fair how much I love you

It's not fair, 'cause you make me laugh

When I'm actually really fucking cross at you for something"

And he'll say

"Oh, how, oh, how unreasonable

How unreasonably in love I am with everything you do

I'll spend my days so close to you

'Cause if I'm standing here, maybe everyone will think I'm alright"

That line nearly stopped Geralt’s heart. “...maybe everyone will think I’m alright.” It echoed in his head as he remembered where he first heard it. He had been eavesdropping on Jaskier and Yen at some barbecue or something. Geralt had a very hazy, possibly not real, memory of kissing Jaskier the night before but said nothing just in case it wasn’t real. Yen asked Jask why he was still there if he was so heartbroken... and Geralt was only putting the pieces together four years later.

And if you asked me to, if you asked me, I would lose it all

Like petals in a storm

'Cause, darling, I was born to press my head

Between your shoulder blades at night when light is fading

When they’d lived together Jaskier would come into Geralt’s room when it was cold and do exactly that; snuggle up close and press his cheek between Geralt’s shoulder blades. 

Christ, you'll be the death of me

Geralt’s head was spinning. He said that line to Jaskier practically every day they’d known each other. It was the closest he’d ever made it to ‘I love you’ even platonically. The song was cherry picking all the lovely little moments and jokes of their relationship and weaving them into… into what? A love story?

I'm still here, love, like I've always been before

Fuck, Geralt knew that too. When he left Yen that was the first thing Jaskier said as he held him close and let him cry for hours.

"How unfair, how unfair, " they'll sing

As they dance across the darling rooftop wreck

He'll trip, and she'll pretend not to have seen

Burying her head into his chest

And clinging to the moment, "Where have you been?"

She'll whisper, "I've waited, oh, so long for you to come"

And as the stars above them hum and hear them

He'll turn to her and say, "That's what she said"

That was their senior year of college, drunk as fuck at a frat party. 

"Oh, how, oh, how unreasonable

How unreasonably in love I am with everything you do

I'll spend my days so close to you

'Cause if I'm stood here, then I'm stood here

And I'll stand here

I'll stand here with you"

Geralt stood up  when Jaskier’s eyes landed on him in the crowd and his voice cracked. The blood seemed to drain from his face, even as the bar clapped and cooed in adoration. Jaskier said a brief thank you, stumbling over his words before racing through the kitchen doors next to the stage. Geralt followed him without a second thought, honestly all coherent thoughts had left his mind.

When he slipped through the double doors, Jaskier was gripping the dish pit for dear life, squeezing his eyes shut like he used to when he woke up from a nightmare.

“Jask are you okay?” Geralt kept his distance even though he wanted nothing more than to gather Jaskier in his arms and never let him go.

The whisper of “no” in response wrapped around Geralt’s heart and nearly squeezed the life out of it.

He inched closer, keeping his voice low and calm, “You were checking I wasn’t there.”

“Did a shit job of that, didn’t I?” Jaskier tried to laugh but it came out as more of a sob and he sucked in a breath, holding it in an effort to keep it together. 

“Hey,” Geralt laid a hand over Jaskier’s knuckles in an effort to calm him down, “why are you scared?”

Jaskier just shot him a glare.

“I’m not mad,” Geralt insisted, “Just confused.”

“You’re confused?” Jaskier was astonished, the humor of Geralt not getting it when it was so obvious was apparently enough to bring back his words.

“Well I’ve got a couple ideas but I’m not notorious for good ideas.” Geralt offered a half smile as he tilted his head down to try to catch Jaskier’s gaze.

“No,” Jaskier sniffed, wiping his nose with his shirt sleeve, “you’re really not.”

Geralt waited, not entirely patiently but he managed to keep up the façade. 

“I ah… I mean it.”

Geralt nodded, “And ‘she’ is…?”

“‘She’ is me… except the frat house one. I think ‘she’ was you? I honestly can't remember.”

Geralt grinned, “‘She’ was you. You laughed so hard you hurled.”

Jaskier shook his head, his lips threatening to smile but holding steady, “It’s all blank.” 

Geralt gently gripped his wrist and turned him so they were face to face, “I had no idea… honestly.”

Jaskier scrunched his nose and frowned, “Geralt, please. We can just forget it. I don’t want to lose you and Ciri. I’m fine pretending, I-”

“No chance in Hell.” Geralt interrupted before he could really get on a roll, cupping his cheek with one hand and glancing down at his lips.

Jaskier’s face went slack with realization for a moment before he gripped Geralt’s collar and smashed their lips together. Even though it was far from their first kiss, it was everything a first kiss should be. Sweet and a little frantic, warm and a little messy. 

When they parted Jaskier kept his eyes closed, pressing their foreheads together as Geralt hummed in satisfaction, “I am unreasonably in love with you too.”

[cherryfi]

Cat and Mouse (M)

Plot: Meeting Johnny had been an accident but the night you’d spent with him wasn’t. Now that he’s had a taste of you there was no way he was going to let you go.

A/N: @lovejohnnvsuh​ gave me this idea. It’s not very good but please be kind :D.

Warnings!: Unprotected sex, a little angst I guess, that bisexual agenda (if you squint). Mafia Au so mentions of violence.

Requests are open!!

This is my fav gif of him , my god!

Word count: 3463

The mission had been pretty simple you were just to take out one target and walk away like nothing had happened it should have ended well but, you hadn’t counted on Eunwoo being as smart as he was psychotic.

Neo zone was an upmarket bar owned by NCT, in the centre of the city. Anybody who was anybody hung out there and that was meant to be where you’d end your target’s short, crime-filled life.

It had been a summer night, the air still warmed by the setting sun but not as heavily as it had been during the day. The cool air carrying the promise of an eventful night.

The feeling of smooth satin rubbed against your body as you walked through the club confidently. The thrum of heavy noise music mixing perfectly with the swaying bodies on the dance floor, you fell into step with them perfectly aware of the eyes watching you; smirking when you caught your target’s eye.  Not noticing the other eyes that watched you dance with beautiful stranger on the dance floor. She smiled at you in invitation and if you hadn’t been on a mission maybe you would have let yourself be swept up by those full, pretty lips and even prettier eyes but you were working.

“I’m sorry honey but, I just came to dance.” You locked eyes with Eunwoo again, running your hands up your thighs and when he invited you over with a swipe of his hand, you were happy to oblige.

Sitting next to Eunwoo, you spent the night pretending that you were completely enthralled with his conversation, hanging off the edge of his every word. Laughing as convincingly as you could at his dry jokes while you rubbed his arm and eventually the more time that you spent with him, the more comfortable he got. His hand wandered to your thigh as you leaned into him.

“We should go somewhere more private, don’t you think.” You tried for sultry, hoping that you convinced him you were falling for him.

But really, he was falling into your trap. All you needed to do was just to convince him that it was a good time for the two of you to be alone, you’d take him somewhere away from the club and it would be a done deal.

You’d make it look like heart failure and no one would look into.

Given that you weren’t able to kill him in the club. Especially because Neo Zone was of course owned by NCT and everyone was subject to a search as soon as they entered, you had to pack something small. So a dermally absorbed poison disguised as a lipstick, would have to do.

All you need to do was rub it on the side of his neck and he would be dead within 5 minutes. He’d slip away peacefully not really knowing that he was dying and when they found him any autopsy would say that he had had a heart attack. Which of course would be a little suspicious given the fact that he was 23 years old and in prime health but because of his position within the organised crime community there was no way that anyone would really take any special look into his death because that would place them down a rabbit hole, exposing a lot of people along the way.

That was how the plan should have gone, but it didn’t.

As you leaned forward suggesting to him that maybe it was time for you to find somewhere private to go, you felt the cold and recognisable, fear inducing touch of the barrel of a gun against the back of your neck and in the same whispered tone that you’d spoken to him in…

“I know exactly who you are, and I know what you do. It’s over, Y/N.” On the outside you’d kept your cool but, inside the feeling of dread gripped you, sending adrenaline surging through your veins, while keeping you frozen. He laughed mirthlessly as he leaned back into the plush leather of the VIP couch.

Fate really was a cruel mistress; or maybe it was karma for all the people you’d killed.

You were one of the corporation’s top assassins and had been sent in on difficult operations.

Your best tactic was seduction.

You should have been able to complete your mission. But unbeknownst to you, you’d garnered a name for yourself in the mafia community and some of its top members had been waiting for you – you’d been compromised.

Just as you were being ushered to get up, you were surrounded by new men, some you recognised, others you didn’t but, you knew that they must have all belonged to NCT.

“We’ll be having none of that in my club Eunwoo, Neo zone is neutral territory, even for her, put the gun down before I have to make you. Miss Y/N, you and I need to talk.” Johnny stood at the helm, his height and dominant presence just begging anyone to oppose him.

He’d effectively saved your life but, you’d broken the rules and now it seemed that you were in trouble.

Neo Zone was neutral territory. Everyone knew that, including the Corp.

Regardless of what was happening, no blood could be spilled in an establishment owned by NCT.

They were the kings of the city and nobody wanted to invoke the wrath of their head ‘Lee Taeyong’, not even a group as powerful as the Corporation.

The Corp had largely stayed away from NCT as they hadn’t done anything to upset the heads at the top and NCT had stayed away too (providing the Corp an illusion of power that everyone knew they didn’t really have).

The rumours had been that Taeyong had dirt on everyone in the Corporation and with all the support of the top gangs in the city, could cause a mess if the corporation chose to ‘step out of line’.

But this wasn’t about the precarious relationship between the Corp and NCT, this was about Johnny Seo, the man who currently had you by the arm and was taking you to an awaiting car.

Seo Yongho or Johnny, as he was better known, was the second in command to Lee Taeyong and they matched perfectly. Where Taeyong tended to be introverted and cold, Johnny was open and warm making him the perfect host for a neutral and welcoming club like this.

“Get in, Y/N.” The whisper of his deep voice next to your ear, drove a chill down your spine. You hadn’t expected him to be so close and his imposing aura had become dominant and seductive.

You looked at your reflections in the car’s tinted window and it was clear from the way that he was looking at you what his intentions were.

You weren’t about to become some King pin’s maitresse  en titre.

“Look, thanks for back there but, I wasn’t about to do anything on NCT property. I know the rules and I know that the Corp isn’t immune. I’ve got work to do so; I’ll just be heading back.” But Johnny just chuckled as a man that you didn’t recognise opened the car’s back door, his copper skin seeming to shine even in the dimly lit night.

“Don’t you think you should thank me for saving your life? Get in the car Y/N.”

And thank him you did with the silent acknowledgement that this would be a one-time thing.

You were allowed to enjoy yourself from time to time, right?

You’d found yourself in his bed wrapped up in his soft cotton sheets where you’d thanked him again and again for his… kindness.

The way he’d held you, the way he’d said your name, hell, just the way he’d looked at you had bought on a feeling that you’d not felt for anyone and you knew you had to get away.

It was dangerous, how intoxicating he was and it was clear from the moment that you’d stepped into his car, that you’d never have enough of Johnny Seo and there was no way that he was going to let you. That was made even more clear at the end of the night when he’d whispered, “You’re mine.” Against your skin, his arms wrapped tightly around you.

But by daylight you were gone.

Thus, entering you into the game of cat and mouse.

Your company had put you on leave, understanding that you had been compromised and could no longer be in the field undisguised (and eventuality that you’d all planned for) but, you hadn’t planned on being chased by a very powerful man.

NCT (and therefore Johnny) were so powerful and so well connected that the Corporation refused to get involved, the thinly kept truce between the 2 groups on the line.  They did even give you a safe house to hide in but had instead given you the funds to keep running.    

You’d been running for 6 months and it was beginning to get tiring. Constantly teetering on the edge of paranoia, always looking over your shoulder, you were mentally drained.

With Johnny always one step behind you, you’d been unable to stay in one place for more than 2 nights without catching sight of him and you were running out of places to hide.

You would soon be trapped.

In a rare moment of good fortune, you’d been able to send him in the wrong direction, buying yourself some time to recoup before you’d be on the run again and you’d used that time to book yourself into a beautiful hotel.

The Lotus was a 5- star top of the market hotel, prized for its extravagant rooms and exceptional customer service. They had some of the best spa facilities in the world.

So, you’d booked yourself suite 448, a room with a beautiful view of the city and a full spa day with all the trimmings.

Taking off your hotel robe, you hung it behind the changing screen and made your way to the massage table. The smell of Jasmine wafted in the air, calming you as you rolled your shoulders and lay down on your stomach, covering your lower half with a towel.

As instructed, you pressed a button on the massage table, letting your masseuse know that you were ready and soon enough you heard the light padding of someone entering the room.

They said nothing as they began to pour warm massage oil onto your back and it should have sent alarm bells ringing but, you were too tired to care; sighing in bliss as you felt strong, warm hands working the knots out of your muscles.

The strong grip, however soon became painful as the (obviously) male hands started to push down onto your shoulders and when you felt them wrap around your neck, you jerked up; ready to throw yourself at whoever this psycho was.

You froze when your eyes met Johnny’s stern gaze.

“Caught you.” You scurried up the table, looking between him and the door but, you knew you didn’t stand a chance.

And as if reading your mind, Johnny grabbed your ankles pulling you down the table and into him.

He stood between your naked thighs, his hands underneath them, keeping you trapped.

“I’ll make sure that you can’t run from me again. Let’s use up all that energy, yeah?” The softness of his voice did little to mask the dominance of his words and you shuddered.

There was no way that he’d ever let you go.

“Do you want me Y/N? I know you do but, I need to hear you say it. I need you to hear yourself tell me how much you want me.” You felt brush of his eyelashes as he kissed along your jaw and down your neck. Lifting you off the table, he placed you to stand in front of him.

He hungrily drank in the sight of you, your nakedness on full display and you drew in a shaky breath, the heady smell of jasmine becoming intoxicating as it mixed and danced with the smell of his cologne.  You desperately wanted to hide.

The tension in the air grew thick as he watched you expectantly.

“Let’s cut this game short. We both know what we want so just say it. I’ll give you everything you’ve ever wanted; just say the word.” Even before you could muster up the courage to give into what you wanted, needed even, he’d already known that you would.

Johnny held your gaze, his eyes full of lust as he took off his clothes. His gaze becoming playful and smug when your eyes traced his movements.

“I want you.” And if it wasn’t clear enough, you grabbed his hands, stopping him as he made to undo his belt, instead undoing it for him.

Now on your knees, you were face to face (dick) with his member, gasping in surprise because of his lack of underwear. He only smirked down at you.

You gripped him gently, biting your lip as you began to stroke him; humming as he hissed in pleasure.

“How did you find me?” You kissed his tip, literally pumping him for answers, and took a tentative lick, making him buck his hips slightly.

“Does it matter?” You supposed it didn’t but, you wanted to know so that you’d make sure that he’d never find you again. You shrugged it off for the time being.

Johnny didn’t know it, but this would be the last time he saw you; you’d be in the wind again before he knew it.

“No.” You took him in whole, bobbing your head slowly, letting his deep groans egg you on.

You wanted to give into him, a man you barely knew, and that was dangerous. Assassins like you weren’t supposed to be taken with flights of fancy.

You let your thoughts go, fully enjoying the sensation of his hands your hair while you worked him to a frenzy. You moaned around him, increasing your speed when his grip got tighter, losing yourself in the burn of having your hair pulled.

You snapped back to reality when he pulled your head back and guided you to stand up and pulling you against his body, his lips stealing your breath away.

When he broke away from the kiss, his lips were swollen, his breathing heavy.

“As pretty as you look on your knees baby, that’s not how I want you.” He smiled sweetly and kissed your knuckles, helping you back onto the table.

“You’re so beautiful baby, I missed this view.” Johnny placed opened mouth kisses down your body and along your waist, your breath catching as he avoided the very place that you needed him.

He chuckled lightly at your exasperated huff as he kissed your inner thighs; gasping when he bit down, causing you to loosen your grip on the table, falling back onto the table.

“Y/N look at me.” You raised your head. Your vision hazy with need, you met the steely and determined gaze that you’d seen over 6 months before when you’d first met him.

“I’m going to devour you.” You wanted to curl up and hide from that gaze, but he wouldn’t let you. His grip on your thigh tightened as he opened your legs.

Your eyes rolled back into your head and you fell back again as he kissed your clit. His tongue worked you open, causing you to cry out and grip the sheets in your hands.

You were losing your mind, slipping closer and closer to the edge as he worked his tongue inside of you.

You cried out your hand flying to his hair and gripping him hard as he moaned against your clit, your thighs squeezing around his face.

Johnny’s left hand gripped your thigh as he sent to you to a fever pitch with the middle finger of his right hand; increasing in speed when you started announcing your orgasm.

He worked to your edge and then pushed you over it, your body going stiff and then lax as your orgasm washed over you, crying out with abandon.

He kept going even as you began to push his head away, the oversensitivity make you curl up.

“Johnny, stop. S’toomuch…” Your voice coming out garbled, you couldn’t find it in yourself to feel shame at how loud been, especially when Johnny stood up – his big body looming over you.

“It’s too much? It can’t be. I’m not done with you yet.” When he had that look in your eye, who were you to tell him no? You gasped into his fervent kiss as he entered you, wrapping your legs around his hips when he’d fully entered you.

Johnny was not a small man and you were reminded of that with ever inch inside of you but, you loved it.

Especially when he started rocking his hips.

He set a brutal pace, slamming against you in ways that made you sure you would bruise. His head resting in the crook of your neck, you felt more than heard every groan as he pounded into you.

He sunk his teeth into the juncture between your neck and shoulder, increasing in speed and causing you hiss, the pain quickly leaving you as he licked the sensitive spot, your head falling back.

You stiffened up, your hands gripping onto his shoulders as he rubbed your clit, his fingers matching the pace of his thrusts, his eyes never leaving your face.

“You gonna cum for me again, sweetheart? Let me know how good I make you feel.” Forehead pressed against your own, he held your gaze, his dark eyes daring you to tell him that you didn’t feel good.

The only responses you good muster up were garbled version of his name mixed with curse words eyes squeezing shut as you came again. Your vision turned white as you cried out, letting go and falling back onto the massage table – thoroughly exhausted.

Johnny came inside of you soon after, chanting your name like a mantra.

The joint comedown from your high was sobering as the gravity of what had gone on hit you.

Johnny held you gently, kissing along your jaw and eventually kissing your lips deeply. He helped you off the table and to a couch in the room; bringing you to sit on his lap.

“Won’t you be with me Y/N?” You laid your head on his shoulder trying to catch your breath and struggling to find reasons why it would be a bad idea to fall in love with him.

“You’d be happy with me; we both know it.” You wanted to believe him; you really did. But people like you, assassins, didn’t have happy endings.

“Would I?” You needed to get out of here.

“Yeah, I’d make you so happy. I know we don’t know each other deeply but, don’t tell me you don’t feel something.” He was pleading with you but, this was your chance. You climbed of his lap, wobbly on your feet, feigning exasperation and putting space between you.

You grabbed your robe, slipping it over your shoulders and tying it around your body. “It’s not that easy and you know it. There’s no happy ending here when I know that you’re just going to use me for sex.” Was that hurt you saw flash through his eyes?

It didn’t matter.

You needed this over and down with and just like you’d expected, Johnny bolted up from his seat, wrapping his arms around your waist to stop you from running. You wrapped your arms neck, hugging him tightly before you slipped the syringe out of your sleeve and injecting hm in the neck.

Johnny gasped, pushing you away and falling back into the couch, a wounded look on his face.

“What did you hit me with?” His words already slurring, he put his hand to his neck.

“It’s a sedative, you’ll be out for an hour or so. This can’t work Johnny. You know that, you have to know that. I’m so sorry but, I need you to let this go.”

“Why?” Honestly though why? You could genuinely see yourself being happy with him, there was no real reason to stop you other than fear. You wished you could give him a legitimate answer but, there was none.

Johnny soon passed out, the cross look on his face smoothing as he lost consciousness and you called it in, asking for the clean-up crew to tie up the loose ends; making sure to tell them not to hurt him.

They’d placed him in your hotel room to sleep the sedative off, while you disappeared, just as you’d planned.

Johnny woke up in suite 448, alone.

[hatake-no-sharingan]

A Well Loved Copy (PART 2: Pieces of you)

Kakashi x Reader

Story Summary: Your cozy life as a bookseller is disturbed when a box of the worst books you could ever imagine arrives at your store, and with them a certain silver haired ninja to whom you are definitely not attracted.  

Chapter 1: CLICK HERE

Chapter summary: You give into Kakashi’s book. As you start to read, you realize the book he left you has more than one story to tell. It reveals many things about this wonderful stranger who visited your shop a few days ago.

Relationship: Kakashi x Reader

Warnings: None (it has a bit of mature references, but it’s not very graphic, just be careful and read under your own discretion)

A/N: I really liked how this turned out and now I have a clear path as to where the story is headed. This chapter is a bit of the exposition, you’ll really get to know the MC better. Hopefully you guys like it. I promise next chapter will be happier and have the charming fluffy Kakashi we all crave and love, but I needed this chapter to give it the depth the story needs. 

Special thanks to @seventh-line for editing, she’s your quality control guys! She’s preventing you all from reading a mess hehe. (the story wouldn’t be what it is without you <3 )

IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERS: CLICK HERE

Pieces of you

You run your fingers across the cover, mimicking the same motion you saw him do in the shop yesterday. For a moment, it’s not paper you’re touching, but silky cool skin.

You read the first chapter with a frown on your face, your eyes reluctantly darting from one word to the other. Before you know it, you’re through the first part of the story, and it was infuriatingly....good.

The main character is likable from the start. There’s something about the way she talks that makes you want to be her friend. She’s sexy and confident, but a complex character too, with a dense storyline and fatal flaws.

You hate to admit it, but the book really draws you in. You begin to regret having judged Kakashi so harshly. You find yourself deeply enthralled, wondering what will happen next.

There’s way more story than there is porn, contrary to how you imagined it. Customers come and go and you barely lift your eyes to charge them for their items, always eager for them to leave so you can return to your reading.

You usually devour a book in a day or two, depending on the complexity of the story, but this time, you’re purposefully taking longer with each page. Not because the writer, Jiraiya, wove a prose too elevated to understand, he didn’t, but because each page held a secret message that told the story of its owner.

The book you’re holding tells two stories, the one the author wrote, printed massively, the same as the other copies you have on the shelf. But this book you have here, is unique. Its pages, the spine, the cover, they all tell a whole other story. Kakashi’s story.

Just who are you? The book isn’t just a copy of a romance novel, it’s the pieces of Kakashi wound up and bound together in a single object. It tells more truth about him than his silly biography on the history shelf ever will. Each time you flipped through a page, you felt closer to that man you’ve only met once.

You encounter a dozen different things that give dimension to your mental image of Kakashi. Bite marks on the bottom left corner, probably made by a small dog. Clumsily highlighted quotes, usually romantic ones. A sticky residue from what appeared to be food, maybe dango, which would’ve made you gag usually but didn’t this time. You catch yourself smiling more than once as you go on a journey with the little pieces of this man scattered throughout.

When you get to a steamy scene, you check if the store is empty, and then indulge yourself. The excitement rises to the pit of your stomach.

The main character just confessed her love for the antagonist, who *plot twist* isn’t the antagonist. He’s always been in love with her and had just become part of the evil criminal organization to protect her. After an incredibly intense fight, he tells her the truth, and she can’t resist her attraction to him anymore. Between blood, and bruises, she melts into his body. His calloused hands grasp her hips, and he pulls in her as close as he can. He slips her dress down, and she’s burning with desire. Your hands shake slightly and your breath becomes faster, heat rushing to your thighs.

She looks into his eyes, and threads her hands through his damp hair, making him moan hoarsely with the motion. In a deliciously slow motion he -

You close the book startled by the sound of the door chime to see a petite woman comes into the store with two little kids.

“Y/N?” Yume stares at you in disbelief “is this really you?”

You’re always happy to see your best friend, except now. You try to hide the book, uselessly, because she’s already noticed.

“Yeah why would I not be me?” You ask with a nervous giggle, pretending not to know what she’s talking about.

She turns towards the children and tells them to go look for something in the kids section. They run towards the colorful shelves decorated with animal decals happily. Then, to you she says “I mean what in the literary hell are you reading? The real Y/N wouldn’t ever touch those books”

Your cheeks get hot and you let out a nervous laugh

She takes the book from your hands and examines the cover

“This is one tough loved book. Which trash can did you fish it out of?”

“Stop, give it back!” you say reaching for it, but she pulls it away “and I didn’t take it out of a trash can. Someone lent it to me, and they happen to take it on rough missions”

“Y/N? What are you telling me? Don’t say this belongs to a...” she flips to the first page, and right below the title she sees the sloppy handwriting where he marked the book as his.

Hatake

“Shinobi” she whispers as her eyes widen, a gesture of pain crossing her face.

You want to say something, but find yourself stammering and at a loss for words. You know how she feels about shinobi, and you understand, but there’s something about Kakashi that intrigues you so much, that pulls you closer to him. Not to mention how kind he was that he brought the book to you, even if he’d been cocky when you met.

“You know they’re dangerous. And Kakashi Hatake’s copy? Seriously? He’s said to be one of the worst. You know some people call him the friend killer. What does that mean? The guy is nothing but trouble. Interacting with shinobi more than necessary will get you killed.”

You keep searching for words, but you cannot find them. The man you’ve met, read about, the guy who enjoys these novels, who keeps a bookmark made by three kids, who couldn’t stand the thought of you hating his favorite books, doesn’t match what she’s saying. It can’t, not for you. But you know there’s truth in what Yume says too.

He is a dangerous shinobi, he’s a known ex-ANBU, and it was true, his teammates once went on missions with him and they never came back.

“Now I don’t know if he killed them or not. Maybe he didn’t, not intentionally. But the fact is, his whole team is dead. Wherever he goes, death follows.” Yume paused, turning to stare out the window, arms crossed, “Wherever Shinobi go, death follows, or have you forgotten what happened to Kei?” She rubs the back of her head, frustrated. Her voice sounds strained now, as if going on with this conversation is too painful for her.

She takes a deep breath and looks directly into your eyes.

“Now I have two sons I didn’t ask for, and I love them. Don’t think I don’t love them, but don’t you think they miss their mother? The real one. Do you think I don’t miss my sister?”

Your friend asks finally.

You stay quiet. She takes her children and leaves without getting them anything. The remnants of your conversation leaving a dent in your heart.

You hate to see her go like that, mad at you, because you know her pain, and you love her.

Knowing those things about Kakashi should scare you away, but all it does is break your heart for him.

He shouldn’t have gone through that pain alone. Nobody should. In the end, Yume had her nephews, now her adopted sons, and her mother. You have your mother too.

As far as you knew, Kakashi Hatake, elite ninja, ex ANBU, mourned alone.

Everyday you wait for him to show up at the bookstore again, so you can prove to yourself he is the kind man you’ve found in the pages of this book. He doesn’t show up.

Taglist: @theunknownrandom @seventh-line

[darbydoo22]

My fic for @grishaversebigbang mini bang!

Materialki: @queenofchaosandwords

Art: https://www.instagram.com/p/COk2plwsYm1/?igshid=pysvoxjyugz4

Summary: Kaz and Jesper attend a masquerade ball to get the layout of a place they plan to rob. When Jesper gets distracted by a cute boy, Kaz is left to find the information on his own. When Kaz finally manages to get to the room with the safe, he finds a distraction of his own, in the form of one of the acrobats performing at the ball.

One thing that never ceased to amaze Kaz was the stupidity of the rich. It seemed that the more money they had, the less they cared about protecting it. Case it point, he and Jesper were attending a ball at one of Ketterdamn’s richest estates, as part of their recon for a heist. A masked ball.

Kaz shook his head. he understood the need to show off, that was something he was no stranger to. But as they walked straight up to the mansion’s front gates, the kind woman at the door happily waved the two of them through. She hadn’t asked for a name, for them to take of their masks, nothing. Gods people were dumb, he thought, not for the first time.

Once inside, Kaz took a look around. The layout was as he’d expected, based on the limited information they had already managed to gather. One big room, filled with masked guests. At the very back of the room, stood a stage, where it looked like the night’s entertainment was just beginning. But most important, off to Kaz’s right, was a staircase that led to a balcony overlooking the room.

 Guests were allowed up there, by the look of it, which was even more stupid on the mercher’s part. Any of them could slip away and poke around the rest of the floor unnoticed. A fancy outfit and a mask were not mutually exclusive of being a thief.

He and Jesper were in their finest suits, all black except for the blood red neckties. The masks they were wearing were solid black as well, the fabric covered in black feathers that tickled Kaz’s nose in what was starting to be an annoying way. Jesper had, jokingly suggested the two of them wear crows’ inspired masks, as one extra ‘screw you’ to the host. Kaz had simply grinned and gone along with the idea. But he was already starting to regret the decision, and the night had only just begun.

“How are people seriously this lax with security?” Jesper asked, shaking Kaz out of his thoughts. Kaz just smiled at him and shook his head. He had been asking himself that since he had heard about this ball. Especially since the night’s entertainment, some Suli acrobats he’d never heard of, would be masked.

“Try to mingle a bit. It won’t do to have the two of us be seen poking around upstairs as soon as we get here” Kaz reminded him. Jesper may have been wearing a mask, but Kaz still saw him roll his eyes. Jesper mumbled a ‘yes mom’, and Kaz had to stop himself from doing something he would regret.

 Instead, he watched as Jesper grinned and seamlessly blended into the crowd. He could see Jesper talking to a girl in what had to be the biggest dress in the room. She laughed at something Jesper had said, and Kaz just rolled his eyes. Kaz, himself, made his way to the back of the room, to where the acrobats were performing. The a few of the acrobats were in the center of the stage, wearing plain black outfits and plain black masks. The rest of the crowd didn’t seem to notice, but one of the performers off to the far right of the stage slipped into the crowd. She moved almost as silently as a ghost, her long braid almost trailing behind her. Kaz wanted to follow where she was going, but the crowd was clapping and cheering as one of the other acrobats did a flip.

The three at the center of the stage continued to tumble around for a bit longer. Eventually, the three of them stood and took a bow. Kaz clapped politely along with the rest of the party goers, but his eyes were scanning the crowd for the girl that had seemingly disappeared. Only a bit disappointed, he turned his attention back to the performers, who were gesturing to some point above them and a bit to the right. Kaz looked up with the rest of the crowd and almost gasped at what he saw.

The acrobat that had disappeared into the crowd was standing on the ledge of the balcony, above the stage. In front of her, was a wire, that ran above the stage, from one end of the room to the other. She smiled, bowed well over the balcony, and set her right foot on the wire. Kaz looked away for a split second and saw that none of the performers on the stage had put up a net. Gods, Kaz thought as he looked back up at her, if she fell, it would be to her death.
Kaz held his breath as she walked, no, danced, across the wire. It was a beautiful sight to see, as she moved with such graceful purpose. She would have made a great spider, he thought, only briefly.

The closer she got to the end, the louder the applause became. The crowd completely lost it when she stepped onto the balcony on the other side of the room and bowed again. Kaz let out a breath of relief. Why was he relieved? He didn’t know the girl. If she was stupid enough to fall to her death because she didn’t think she needed a net, it wouldn’t impact him. Well, it would have stopped the party, he supposed. It was a relief that he could continue on his recon without the interruption of the stadwatch showing up because of a dead acrobat.

Kaz shook his head. The crowd were all still looking up at her in aw, and Kaz used it as his chance to slip away unnoticed. He found Jesper in the middle of the dance floor. He was dancing and laughing with a mercher, which was no surprise. The fact that his dance partner was male only surprised Kaz because the merchers tended to frown upon that. But, he supposed, the mask was giving the young mercher confidence that made Kaz roll his eyes. Even with a mask, he was the only one at the party with hair so bright red and unkept. Kaz had recognized Wylan Van Eck instantly, he was sure the others had too.

Whatever happened to the mercher was not Kaz’s problem, but Jesper, who was distracted by him, was. Kaz tried to wave to get Jesper’s attention, but he seemed far too enthralled with his dance partner to notice, or care about the actual reason they were there. Kaz sighed and made the decision to go upstairs without him. If Jesper did remember that they were here to find a safe and not to dance, he could find Kaz there.

He made his way up the stairs without any issue. Guests were allowed to be up there, and not for the first time, Kaz shook his head at how stupid the rich could be. He pretended to look down at the dancers and spend a bit of time just waiting around before slowly slipping into another hallway. He tried a few different doors along the hall, but when he got to the locked door, he grinned. Too easy, he though, as he slipped his lockpick out of the cuff of his sleeve. He made quick work of the lock and pushed the door open.

One look inside made Kaz freeze. Because sitting on the desk, going through what was presumable the owner of the estate’s papers, was the acrobat that had crossed the wire. She seemed to be weary of him too, as she watched him step into the room and close the door behind him.

“How did you get in here? The door was locked.” He asked her, he held up his lockpick, as if it were proof. She shrugged and hoped off the desk.

“The door was locked. The window was not” she answered as she put the papers back in place. Kaz smiled at her words. She was a spider after all.
She walked over towards him, and Kaz became aware of how much shorter she was than him. It was almost a foot of difference, but she squared her shoulders and didn’t back down.

“Find anything interesting?” he asked. He had no idea why she was going through some mercher’s papers. Again, she shrugged. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, the door opened behind them again. Kaz got a better grip on his cane in case he needed to use it as a weapon. The acrobat must have noticed because she shook her head. They turned to face whoever had interrupted them. When Kaz saw his face, masked or not, he almost swore. It was the owner of the estate, stringing along some woman that was definitely not his wife.

“This room is off limits” the man said. Even under the mask Kaz saw his face scrunch up in annoyance.

“In fact, the door should have been locked. How did you get in?” he asked. Hundreds of ideas and excuses came to Kaz’s mind instantly, but before he could use any of them, the acrobat next to him spoke.

“The door was not locked. This kind gentleman was checking to see if I was okay after the performance” she said. “He was very worried, so we found a room to have a… private conversation” she said. Kaz noticed the connotation behind her words, and if the blush on the mercher’s face was anything to go by, so did he. He ushered the two of them out before closing and locking the door behind them. Kaz let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

“Thank you for the save” He said, then frowned as he considered something else.

“What, exactly will it cost me to keep you quiet about me being there?” he asked her. She smiled and reached out to him. Kaz flinched away from the contact, and she withdrew her hand right away.

“It will cost you a dance” she told him. He looked at her, assessing how serious she was. Despite the brilliant smile on her face, he could tell that she was completely serious. Kaz only sighed and held his arm out for her. She grabbed it, and let him lead her down the stairs, all the way to the dance floor.

She led him to the middle, her hands still clutching his arm. They passed by Jesper, who was still dancing with Wylan Van Eck, and Kaz wasn’t sure what to make of that. He’d definitely though Jesper would get bored of the mercher quickly, but the two of them were still holding each other close.

His attention was immediately drawn back to his own dance partner when her hands shifted from his arm to his shoulders. This was getting dangerously close to skin-on-skin contact, and Kaz was getting antsy about it. As he placed his gloved hands on her waist, she started moving along with the music. He let her set the pace, and they soon fell into a rhythm that was easy enough.

They danced silently for what felt like hours but couldn’t have been more than minutes. The acrobat giggled when Kaz spun her around, and Kaz had to stop himself from smiling at her. And gods, her laugh was beautiful. Don’t get attached, he kept repeating in his mind. But he was already enthralled by the Suli acrobat whose name he still didn’t know.

When the music slowly faded, and the song ended, the acrobat smiled and thanked him.

“I’m Inej, by the way. Inej Ghafa” she told him.

“Kaz…Kaz Rietveld” he answered. He had no idea why he had given her his actual name, he thought, as she disappeared into the crowd. But it had felt right. Like it was a secret only he, and Inej Ghafa, the acrobat and spider, would ever know.

[codevassie]

Halloween TS Fic Recs

[***Let me know if I’ve missed anything on the Content Warnings!]

[**Do Not Ask Authors for Updates!]

[*Leave these authors Comments, please and thank you!]

lavender for luck by lovelylogans

Status: Complete

Summary: Virgil's uncle can cast spells, and read fortunes, and hear houses talk through their noisy creaks. Virgil's father had, too, when he was alive, and their mother before them. Virgil was born with the family's tawny eyes, the family's pale skin, and the family's magic. And the people they fall in love with—or, at least, the ones who love them back—all die, which is why Virgil knows he can never take the chance of having that for himself.

Relationships: LAMP

CW: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Parental Death, Spiders, Animal Cruelty, Swearing, Arguing, Physical Confrontation, Deceit

My thoughts: I know I’ve recommended this one before. I know I’ve already stopped myself from rec’ing it again on my fantasy rec list. But a Halloween rec list just Would Not be complete without it. It’s wonderfully witchy. Virgil has magic, does tarot, and he grew up with it all. His family, in their small town, has magic too. The setting is wonderful, between this small town of superstition and university where Virgil pretends he doesn’t have magic. It’s a wonderful read for this time of year. 

Death Waits Downstairs by l0calcryptid

Status: Complete

Summary: Roman is a prince looking for adventure, and he finds it in the form of an entrance to hell. There's a dead-King ruling there, and he's looking for someone to keep him company. And there's a boy who keeps appearing at night-and somehow Roman's falling in love. 

Relationships: Prinxiety

CW: Blood Mention

My thoughts: It’s short, but it’s so cool to read. It reads like a spooky fairy tale. The ambiance is whimsical yet ominous, and the setting is enthralling. Roman is a prince, but he’s not the prince of Disney that we see so often. He’s haunting and quiet, and the people around him are weary and afraid for him. The tone of the story is just so mysterious, and I love it. 

Rainy Sleepiness by AprilLilypegasi 

Status: Complete

Summary: Virgil stands in front of his favorite window, a soft smile on his face as he watches the rain fall outside. Nothing’s able to calm him quite like the rain. Well, and Roman. Roman certainly knows quite a few tricks to get him to relax and not stress so much. But with relaxation comes a few other…trickier problems.

Relationships: Prinxiety

CW: N/A

My thoughts: This is a more recent read, but I really loved it. It’s a oneshot, and it’s tender and sweet. I don’t know y’all. Between the prinxiety and the ghost Virgil and the siren Roman... The rain outside, the soft humming, the sleepy feeling... I just really vibed with it. It’s a soft read, and it’s also a quick one. If you don’t have the energy or time for anything too intensive, this one could be good for you! 

Flower from the Fae by winterknight1087

Status: Complete

Summary: Virgil likes plants, but when he goes to investigate a plant his friend, Remy, tells him about, he doesn’t exactly check out the plant. Little does he know that the handsome man he meets there is a fairy who is about to challenge the world Virgil knows. 

Relationships: LAMP, Picani/Sleep, Demus

CW: Snake, Injury Mention, Anxiety Attacks, Alcohol Mentions, Discussions of Past Trauma, Car Crash Mention, Abusive Parent

My thoughts: For one, it’s not just fae. I won’t say much other than that--just that there is spookiness and other kinds of Halloween-y vibes. Also, an actual Halloween chapter!! The fic starts off pretty cute and gets more mysterious and angsty. It has such a range in emotion, the characterization is wonderful, and the plot is structured so thoughtfully. Do you like foreshadowing? Because this one will make you scream from it. Everything feels pieced together so well. Honestly, please just read it. 

The Music of Spectres by Cryptic_Stories

Status: Incomplete (on Hiatus)

Summary: Set in the small village of Canterbury, where the locals gather in their favorite coffeeshop and share stories and gossip. The most infamous and well-known story by far is Jodi Thompson's: She makes the seemingly impossible claim that a ghost inhabits the abandoned inn at the edge of the village. The eccentric newcomer in town, named Roman, has just bought said inn--and he is determined to clean the place up and make it his own, no matter the old rumors surrounding the place. I mean, they're just rumors, right?

Relationships: Prinxiety, Logicality 

CW: Suspense, Past Character Death, Cursing, Homophobia (past), Distressing Images, Helplessness

My thoughts: This is one of my favorite authors!! And this is one of my fave tropes!! You know what that means? I screamed when I found this. This takes place in a small town and in a house that Roman has just bought that he learns is haunted. It’s suspenseful but also mysterious. There’s lots to learn about the ghost he’s met in the house--Virgil--and even more to learn about the other entities as well. I can’t wait to learn more!

[shera-dnd]

Mourn Me Not

Oh one last thing before that comic! I can’t forget to post the sole winner of this month’s raffle, and just one of my favorite topics to write about

MORE TROLLS!

This time we follow the priest Torem as he teaches young trolls about what life and death means to their people, through the tale of the first troll funeral

Here is the AO3 link for those who prefer to read it there and let’s get this shit going

A fire burned in the small town on the border of the Giant Lands. This one wasn’t a torch carried in by some small folk who didn’t know not to, nor was it a spark created by a child of fiendish blood. This was a proper pyre, purposefully made to burn from sundown to sunrise.

But inside that pyre burned more than wood. Inside it burned the body of an old troll woman by the name of Salka. She was a stonemason who had worked tirelessly to help this town grow to what it is now. And this was her funeral.

To many young children this was the first time they saw fire, the first time they were introduced to the one thing that could ever truly harm them. It was an important lesson, a way of teaching them that they’re still mortal.

But that wasn’t what the funeral was about. At least not to Torem, the priest in charge of the ceremony. To him a troll’s funeral should always be about celebrating their memory, about retelling their stories and adding them to the great tapestry of their people’s history.

So he sat with the townsfolk and, as the pyre burned, began weaving the tale of Salka, of her works, of her family, of her loved ones. Many who knew her added to the story, many who missed her cried as it was told, many who never met her now wish they did.

The night went on and with time the fire died down. By then the stories of Salka were over and different tales were being told. Of ancestors long gone, of great heroes of their people, of the honored dead who Torem dedicated his life to remembering. By that point most of the adults had left to go spread her ashes, leaving Torem in charge of their little trollings.

“Tell Kol’s story,” called a young green skinned girl, “did he really fight all those fire giants on his own?”

“No no,” interrupted a little boy with a pair of horns on his head, “I wanna hear about Cora. I heard she took down a whole fortress with a pickaxe.”

“What about Lyral?” Asked a different girl, raising a clawed hand, “she was the first troll to rule the Giant Lands, right?”

Like that more and more kids jumped up with their suggestions and requests. Torem knew all these stories by heart, of course, and was happy to retell them all again and again, but he felt they didn’t quite suit what the day was about.

“Great warriors and queens are all well and good,” Torem declared, silencing the commotion around him, “but I believe you kids haven’t heard many stories of the people who stay behind while they’re off on their great adventures.”

Many of the kids groaned, one of them even pretended to snore. He couldn’t exactly claim he didn’t expect that response.

“Now now, this may not be your usual tale of heroism and daring, but I assure you there’s plenty here to interest you,” he said, calmly. The kids didn’t exactly look any more interested, but he knew this next part would catch their attention, “for this is the last tale of Vaprak.”

The mention of their creator deity seemed to quiet them down. Surely they expected their final story to be one of grand mythological scale. They weren’t wrong, but they weren’t quite right either.

“Vaprak had travelled the planes, tricked gods and fiends, fought dragons and giants, and befriended people of every walk of life. They were invincible,” he began, and the kids were already enthralled, “so it came as a surprise to all, when what finally brought him down was not a mighty beast, but terrible sickness.”

“Can gods get sick?” Asked a younger boy.

“Not frequently,” Torem answered, always happy when people asked about his stories. It meant they wanted to know more, “but when they do it’s very serious. Enough to threaten the life of even someone as mighty as Vaprak and no cure in the mortal world could save them.”

Some of the kids seemed disappointed, probably wanting more than just a story of how their favorite hero got sick and died. Thankfully that wasn’t quite what happened in this story.

“Now Vaprak was a good parent who raised seven wonderful daughters, and they would not let him fall ill so easily,” he continued, “so the seven sisters decided that it was up to them to save their parent.”

“One by one they set out to scour the planes for a cure,” Torem paused and then began listing, “first was the eldest daughter who climbed up the steps to Mount Celestia to beseech the angels for help.”

“Then was the second eldest, who cast upon herself a spell of flight, and rode the wind to the planes of air.”

“Afterwards left the third, who donned a magical cloak, and swam deep into the planes of water.”

“Then left the middle daughter, who risked her life most of all by venturing forth into the planes of fire.”

“Together they left the third and second youngest, digging together into the bowels of the world, one to end in the plane of earth, and one to end in Baator itself.”

“Finally was the youngest of the seven sisters. The one about which we’ll tell this tale. The one who stayed home.”

And so the kids began groaning again.

“What about the sister who went to hell?”

“But I wanna hear about the angels!”

“Can you actually swim to the plane of water?”

“Slow down, slow down,” called Torem, “I’ll tell you all about those stories after I’m done. Just stick with this one until it’s over, okay?”

“Fine,” sighed a few, willing to power through ‘the boring one’ to get to the actual fun stories.

“So the youngest daughter stayed, and while her sisters were gone on their adventures she cared for Vaprak alone,” he continued, “she kept them company, she protected them, she made sure they didn’t miss their beloved daughters.”

“And every day she worried that Vaprak would die before the others could return, with only her to keep them company,” as he narrated the children fell quiet again, “one by one her sisters came back, each changed by their journey and each bringing with them a cure.”

Torem took a pause here, this part was always rough for thim.

“But not one could save poor Vaprak,” he declared, “and as each of them arrived, and failed, the youngest sister welcomed them with open arms, and offered them the same love and comfort that she had offered Vaprak while they were gone. And with each returning sister she worried less, and less about her parent’s death.”

“Was she just okay with losing them?”

“Of course not,” Torem answered, “but she had accepted that death would come, and feared only that Vaprak wouldn’t get to see their daughters one last time before leaving them forever.”

“Eventually they had all returned home, and one by one said their goodbyes,” he paused and braced once more, “then one morning they woke up and Vaprak was gone. The six cried and cried, cursing themselves for their failure, but the youngest assured them that there was nothing to be done. She had already mourned their parent and was simply happy to have her sisters with her once more.”

“So she lit a great pyre for their parent and asked her sisters to come close as she retold their stories, of all the happy moments they shared, of all the sweet memories, of all that Vaprak had given them,” another pause as he let the kids realize what this story was actually about, “and once the pyre had died down, she spread Vaprak’s ashes over their garden and declared that from their ashes life would grow, and so their parent would always live on around them.”

The children fell silent, this was a hard story to hear and even harder to tell. Torem's eyes stung with tears.

“She was like you,” one of the kids said.

“I’d say I try to be like her,” Torem corrected, “she was our first priest. She held our first funeral. She taught us the importance of staying behind, so we may protect one another and keep alive the memories of those who left, so that they may live on through us.”

“But Vaprak still died, and so did auntie Salka,” one of them argued, hurt weighing heavy in their voice.

“Child,” Torem replied, his voice full of the certainty that came only with the decades he spent doing his job, “as long as there’s someone to remember them, no troll ever truly dies.”

[eggytranslations]

Volume 1, Chapter 9-Family

Quick notes: I'm switching to one update every two weeks for now (sorry my schedule is really busy with new job) and will update on my twitter if I cannot make the biweekly Friday updates...o-(-( trying to rope another translator in, so we shall see how that goes! Chapter 10 and 11 are both pretty short so I think we should be good for those chapters. Okay on to the main course: enjoy!

Content warnings: n/a

For three straight days, the mountain villa became unusually lively yet again; it was all because the elder Young Master Shen had come back from the gates of death.

In the midst of this clamoring noise, Shen Qingxuan was as calm as usual. Dressed in a crescent white robe, he sat on the chair with a smile and easily accepted the concern that came from all directions. He nodded and listened attentively in a modest and well-mannered way while maintaining a cultured and refined manner.

This stirred another wave of pitying voices that all said, Such a good kid, and yet fate would tease in such a way.

Shen Qingxuan had already perfected an entire body of copper skin and iron bones towards these pitying words, so when he heard them, naturally, they did not hurt or itch. Yet these words stirred the thoughts of Mother Shen who was next to him. She shed tears several times, and yet she feared that Shen Qingxuan would be even more upset once he saw her, so she swiftly hid her face by turning away to wipe her tears.

How could these actions of hers hide from Shen Qingxuan’s sharp eyes. With the affinity between a mother and a child, Shen Qingxuan knew what she was thinking, so he also pretended that he did not see her and shifted his gaze onto other people.

When the banquet opened, Shen Qingxuan had the servant girl push him from the table to leave. Everyone knew that Shen Qingxuan’s body was frail and could not drink wine, simultaneously, he was still recovering from a serious illness so he could not accompany the guests and tax his mind. Thus, one after another, they urged him to rest well and waited for Shen Qingxuan to leave before they started toasting and drinking wine to their fill.

-

Shen Qingxuan returned to his room and listened briefly to the outside noise through his window lattice before he laughed bitterly to himself. Who knows how many times these kinds of banquets had been held, and who knows how many more times they will be held in the future. Who knows?

Even if Yi Mo helped him, and allowed him to be no different from any other person after this year, he, however, still did not know what hardships he would suffer in the future.

-

Feng shui fluctuated and worldly affairs were fickle.

Ever since he was resuscitated from the ice cave, Shen Qingxuan finally understood the meaning of these eight words that his father constantly uttered from his mouth.

Who could have expected that the gentle and mild beauty from a humble family, who had bashfully and timidly married into the Shen family for three years—his second mother, who previously cared for him extremely well, would employ someone to almost take his life?

He had never even considered it.

Even remembering it now, after so many years coolly observing as a bystander, the pain was just as fresh.

-

Right as he was lost in thought, there came the sound of a set of hurried footsteps from the courtyard. The footsteps were quite brisk and carried impatience as well as the unique heavy sound of an official’s boots. Shen Qingxuan’s gloomy eyes lit up slightly, the smile he always wore on his face also showed some sincerity.

“Gege!” The doors were suddenly pushed open, stirring up bits of dust. The sun shone in from the outside and revealed a clean-cut face in between the dancing dust particles. Because it was a meeting with family, that heroic and spirited face carried some of the rashness of a child.

When he saw his elder brother sitting on the chair and looking at him with an expression full of smiles, the young man was embarrassed all of a sudden. He quickly drew back his hand, and recovered a degree of steadiness before he said in greeting, “Gege.”

Shen Qingxuan beckoned with his hand, calling the man over to his side. Then he grabbed the man’s hand to pull down that tall body, flicked the man’s forehead with his finger out of habit, and said silently, I thought you had made some progress, how are you still this reckless.

Ever since childhood, Shen Zhen has been able to read his elder brother’s lips. He hastily used a hand to massage his unscathed forehead and harrumphed, “I wanted to be more reserved, but I was worried I would scare you into not recognizing me as your very own didi.”

Hearing this, Shen Qingxuan smiled while he stroked his brother’s neatly bound hair piece

, and asked, How did you have time to come see me today?

“Gege just recovered from a serious illness, how could I not come?” Shen Zhen squatted down with one hand propped on his elder brother’s leg and moved in front of him to act like a spoiled child, just like when they were children. His eyes were full of faith and dependence only possible between one’s flesh and blood, a bond thicker than water. Shen Qingxuan looked at this face that was remarkably similar to his second mother’s face, and could only feel tranquility in his heart. Towards this face that had stuck to his side from childhood, he really could not summon any hatred.

Even if he knew full well that he was reduced to this sorry state today all because of this person.

The second son of the Shen family, who had just turned one year old that year.

-

Master Shen had once held his eldest son with one arm and with his other arm, he cradled his second son who was still in his swaddling clothes, sucking on his thumb and quietly sleeping. Then he turned to his two wives and said, full of pride, “In the future, this eldest son of mine will bring honor to our Shen family and receive noble titles. When we get old in the future, the matters of our support and burials will depend on this little guy. In this way, the Shen family is basically perfect."

All the expectations in his words fell on Shen Qingxuan who was merely seven years old.

He only saw his eldest son’s intelligence and considered the Shen family status, but he never saw the smiles of his two wives who were standing in front of him, and how much reluctance and grievance was hidden in the smile on one of the two faces.

Why? Just because he was the second son, so he could only end up with a captive-at-home, mediocre, and nameless future for the rest of his life?

The woman was narrow-minded, and at the time, did not consider that each person had their own fate. If indeed her son worked hard, how could Master Shen disregard his son’s future? It was nothing more than careless words said in a moment of joy. Yet she took it seriously. She developed malicious intentions and harmed Shen Qingxuan for the rest of his life.

When she finally understood this, the transgression had already been committed.

-

With a pat on the back of the youth who laid on his knees, Shen Qingxuan looked at him as he said, After becoming an official, you have probably fallen behind on the sword and spear, no?

Shen Zhen shook his head at once. “There is no such thing. If gege does not believe it, we can go to the courtyard and I will perform for you.”

Shen Qingxuan laughed as he nodded, and Shen Zhen promptly got up to push him. The two brothers went out the doors of the room, stopping in the spacious area in the middle of the courtyard.

Shen Zhen retrieved a long staff, flashed a showy move, and said while holding the staff, “Gege look closely, didi is showing off the staff for you.”

Shen Qingxuan was still smiling a smile without restraint.

Seeing this, Shen Zhen also grinned. The wooden staff in his hand started to move around like a nimble snake. As he brandished the staff, it swept up a whistling wind, stirring dust in every which way and blurring light and shadow. When he struck the ground, it reverberated with a heavy sound, and with a great force, trenches appeared in the sandy yellow soil.

Shen Qingxuan watched closely, enthralled until a set of staff exercises were completed and he promptly clapped his hands, not at all hiding his desire to praise him.

After receiving his eldest brother’s praise, Shen Zhen became even more pleased with himself. He tossed aside the staff, picked up a spear, and flaunted another set of spear exercises for Shen Qingxuan to watch. It was slightly inferior to his staff technique, yet it still gave a vigorous feeling of strength.

-

The two brothers were in the courtyard, one person performing for the other to watch. They played until the red sun set into the evening, then Shen Qingxuan indicated for him to stop and called for a servant to bring over a wet cloth and hot tea.

Shen Zhen noisily downed a cup of tea, wiped the sweat from his face, then moved closer towards Shen Qingxuan again, and said, “Gege, do you have any advice?”

Shen Qingxuan cast a sidelong glance at him, What advice do I have for you?

Shen Zhen laughed mischievously, “Gege come on, dad said when you were little you liked to brandish spears and play with sticks. You even secretly took the martial arts teacher’s polearm to poke a bird’s nest and made the master really angry, do you dare deny this?”

Hearing this, Shen Qingxuan thought back and vaguely recalled some pieces, but could not remember more concrete details.

These old affairs from years ago, if Shen Zhen had not mentioned them, Shen Qingxuan could not have thought of them. Even though Shen Zhen mentioned them now, he still could not remember.

Occasionally, there were fragments that floated and flashed across his mind, but he did not think those things had happened to him.

Those past events felt faintly like a previous life, or perhaps an even more distant time ago, that was soaked by the yellowing of time into a sheet of brittle and thin paper, breaking with just one touch.

Fragmented and incomplete.

Shen Qingxuan’s expression slightly dimmed into gloominess.

-

Shen Zhen realized he misspoke and changed the topic at once. He tugged the hand Shen Qingxuan was resting on his knee, and said eagerly, “Gege, I get to visit the mountains for once, and you made me work this half-day. How about you play a board of chess with me?”

Shen Qingxuan roused his spirits and asked, What happens if you lose?

Shen Zhen rubbed his temples, then whispered near his elder brother’s ear, “Like old times?”

Shen Qingxuan became happier too and nodded in agreement as the two men went back inside.

-

They let the serving boys send the tea and pastries into the room. After everything was prepared in order, Shen Zhen fastened the doors and windows tightly and checked again if they were secure or not. It was like he was deeply afraid of someone discovering something and had the guilty expression of an uneasy thief. Watching this, Shen Qingxuan could not stop his muffled laughter.

The cushioned mat was spread out on the daybed and the two of them sat opposite each other. Shen Qingxuan wiped the chessboard again then took out the black and white pieces and asked, Like old times?

Shen Zhen nodded his head immediately, as if he was afraid that he would back out, and snatched the black pieces, putting down a piece first, then another piece, and then another piece again.

As soon as the chess game started, he snatched the black pieces and put down three of them.

Shen Qingxuan raised his brow and looked at him for a long moment, soundlessly chiding, You really have not grown at all.

Shen Zhen quickly countered, “You are the elder brother and older than me by seven years so you should actually have let me by seven pieces. Now it is only three pieces, my progress is already not small at all.”

Shen Qingxuan held the white piece as he put one down and ignored him.

Shen Zhen quieted down as well, observing the match and beginning to play seriously.

Shen Zhen took the advantage at the beginning, and in the time of one stick of incense, he had killed the game into a treacherous and hard to predict match. With sharp moves, he encircled a portion of Shen Qingxuan’s white pieces, feeling rather pleased with himself.

However, Shen Qingxuan did not even lift his head, and solely focused on placing his pieces. When the match had gone on for a period of two sticks of incense, Shen Zhen’s sharp peaks and edges were all chopped off to nothingness, not one was spared. Furthermore, White was like a dragon entrenched in a mountain range, biding its time to act, just waiting for a command so that it could seize the land in this game within an instant.

“Gege.” Shen Zhen wiped the cold sweat that did not actually exist from his forehead and said hastily, “Gege’s opening and closing were well considered with an impressive performance this match……” how about you spare didi this time?

He had not finished speaking before Shen Qingxuan, with a smile in his eyes, had already turned around to take the pen that was placed to the side. He filled the pen with ink and unhurriedly wrote: Do not flatter me. Lift your face up.

Shen Zhen instantly shut his mouth and handed over his face with misery.

A moment later, a big, crawling tortoise had been added to that handsome face.

Shen Zhen jumped down from the daybed and grabbed a mirror to look at his face. He moaned and groaned, “The more I flatter, the more lifelike this tortoise gets. So it is clear that this flattery still needs to be flattered, especially gege’s flattery.”

Shen Qingxuan impatiently patted the chessboard, saying, Again.

Shen Zhen had no choice but to return to his seat. He also carefully checked the windows to see if there were cracks so as to prevent any other people from seeing him. That would be so embarrassing.

-

Up until dinner time, the two of them still had the doors and windows tightly shut, unwilling to come out. All the servants waited outside because the people inside still had not allowed them to set up the dinner. This finally alarmed Master Shen.

When Master Shen heard that his sons refused to take their meals, he rushed over at once and stood outside the doors as he asked, “What kind of mishap have you two gotten into?”

Only after a moment did Shen Zhen’s voice come from the room, “Dad, I am playing chess with xiong zhang.”

At first, Master Shen was baffled, and then his face held back a strange expression. He stood for a minute before he waved away the crowd of servants. “You all go on first, keep the dishes warm, and bring them again in a double-hour.”

After he sent them all away, Master Shen leaned on the door as he said in a low voice, “Xuan’er, let dad come in and take a look.”

Immediately, sounds of frantic commotion came from behind the doors. Master Shen waited without a worry, and sure enough, his youngest son was no match for his eldest son. Shen Qingxuan pushed his wheelchair over and opened the door.

-

After he came inside and looked around, Master Shen headed towards the screen

, still using a benevolent voice, “Come out and let dad have a look.”

There was absolute silence from behind the screen.

“Do not be like a girl, come out and let dad see.” Master Shen continued to coax him.

Shen Zhen refused to come out.

Shen Qingxuan closed the door once again, wheeled over, and pushed down the screen. Shen Zhen did not expect his brother to do this, and had no chance to hide. On instinct, he held up the screen that almost fell and ducked out of the way.

In this split second, Master Shen had already seen the scene he wanted to see. He let out a “pft,” then immediately held it in again until his beard was shaking.

Shen Qingxuan also lowered his face while his shoulders could not stop quaking. Clearly, he was holding back quite desperately.

Shen Zhen stood there with his whole face covered in tortoises that either crawled or stood or rolled, not even his ears were spared. Each of his earlobes had their own tiny tortoise that stretched out their necks and kicked their legs.

Master Shen held his stomach as he pointed at Shen Qingxuan with a shaking finger and said breathlessly, “Y-you……your elder brother, is truly, i-im-im……proper.”

Shen Qingxuan raised his head immediately, and with his bright, black eyes, he stared unblinking at his diedie.

Father and son looked at each other for a minute, and then suddenly turned away from each other without warning. One of them gaped his mouth as he roared with laughter silently while the other man laughed until he nearly lost his breath.

At first, Shen Zhen was indignant and yelled at the two of them to stop laughing. Then he saw that neither of them could stop. They were bent down and clutching their chest as they laughed until they could not breathe, which frightened him into ignoring his own mortification. He quickly ran over to pat their backs with one hand each, and helped them catch their breath. He was deeply afraid that these two would laugh until they were sick.

But he did not realize that his elder brother and father, as soon as they turned their heads and saw that painted face with anxiety written all over it, were unable to stop even if they wanted to stop.

Furthermore, Shen Qingxuan almost laughed out loud several times, and could only bite his tongue as he swallowed down the sound that had risen to his larynx yet again.

His joy was also a joy of extreme difficulty.

-

In these twenty years, there has never been a time that was not burdensome.

[jooniyah]

Star-Crossed

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Fem Reader ; Yandere!au 

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Yandere behavior, emotional abuse, extremely unhealthy relationship, kidnapping, manipulation, profanity, mentions of mental illness, blood, knives and murder.

  Author’s note:   This is a work of fiction and I do not condone any of the actions of the characters in this fiction. This is to be treated as pure fantasy, and should not be misconstrued to be demeaning the idols in any way. If any of the above warnings cause you discomfort, kindly refrain from reading.

A special mention to thank @kpopyandere​ for writing stellar yandere fics, which inspired me to try my hand at yandere!au for the first time. Thanks, @junqkook​ for writing the enthralling ‘Every Breath You Take’, the quality of which I can never dream to surpass.

Okay, read and enjoy!

                He flicked the light switch on and drawled, “I want you to go to the party with me.” Your eyes were sensitive at the sudden exposure to light. Your whole body felt suddenly warm after a long time. You didn’t know how long it had been since you were locked up here. The only thing that made sure you were alive in the place was his hauntingly ethereal face gleaming up on you from time to time. You blinked at him without saying a word. He was leaning against the doorframe, with his arms crossed. You knew you couldn’t possibly go out to a party, not with all those bruises covering your body. You shrugged your shoulders feebly and said, “I am covered in bruises.” He stepped in closer and leaned over to inspect you. “That’s not a problem. I’ll take care of it,” he said. He took the key out of his pocket. With a click, he uncuffed your hands tied behind you. Your shoulders were sore and you instinctively stretched your arms, almost hugging yourself in the process. “Really?” he asked as he bent down to stare at you. There was a dark gleam in his eyes. That same mischievous and ominous gleam. “You really should have thanked me and reached out to hug me first, you know,“ he said as he pressed his hand firmly on your aching shoulder, making you wince. “Even after four days in the darkroom, you still are a selfish ungrateful bitch,” He was pressing harder now and you opened your mouth in a silent scream.“ Make that mouth useful at least,” he said and looked at you menacingly. With trembling hands, you reached out to his face and held him closer. You made sure that there was a small gap between you so that he wouldn’t suspect your revulsion. Well, you have always been good at keeping secrets. His grip was still growing firm on your shoulder as you pulled him in towards you. Aligning your lips with his plush ones, you dove in for a kiss when he cruelly grabbed at your shoulder blade, making a stream of fresh tears fall between your lips, and stain the kiss with a saltiness that brought a devilish smile on his lips. Looping his hands under your arms, he pulled and brought you on your feet without breaking the kiss. You tried to stand, without your legs giving out after days of being handcuffed to the chair. Your legs had cramped so badly but he had refused to let you out, saying that you would stay that way until you learned your lesson. It wasn’t something new to you. Whenever he wanted to punish you, he always put you in this dark cold room in the mansion, which he liked to call his favorite darkroom for his favorite little princess, you. With wobbly legs, you followed him out of the room. You didn’t want to go back to being handcuffed again, so you decided to humor him if that meant even a little peace for you. “Thank you for letting me out, Joonie” you whispered. You wanted to say more but couldn’t, as the words of flattery in your mind made you feel disgusted. He seemed to like that and patted your head saying “ Now that’s more like it. I don’t understand why you think you need to hide how much you love me, Y/N. You pretend to dislike being with me, but I know that is not true. You are so cute when you pretend to rebel against me.” You exhaled slowly and struggled to keep your face from betraying your emotion. You were tired of his constant declarations that you loved him. Once out of the room, he dragged you to the bathroom. “Strip,” he said, letting go of you. “I’ve already bought you clothes. Wash yourself. I’d love to have you like this, but I can’t take you out and let others see how beautiful you look when you are ruined.” He stepped out of the room, letting you bathe. 

 He had already made sure you could never lock yourself inside a room. No door in the mansion could be locked from the inside. You sighed and got the hot water running in the tub. You looked at yourself in the mirror and saw a pathetic woman staring back, covered in bruises and crusted blood. You winced as you examined where he had punched your jaw two days ago. You were still not sure how he could be so doting one minute and turn into a violent brute the next. You got into the tub and worked up a lather, flinching whenever it hurt to touch anywhere bruised. All your thoughts came crashing down on you. The real words and emotions threatened to find their way out into the world. You knew better as to what would happen if Namjoon were to find out. He would punish you for even thinking your own thoughts. Even a single slip on your side would send you straight to the devil’s world. 

 At last, you deemed yourself presentable enough and stepped out, to see Namjoon standing in your dressing room with a young woman. “This is Haewon. She’ll take care of your makeup,” he said, pulling you gently towards his side. You couldn’t tell if he was smiling genuinely at you or simply faking it for Haewon’s benefit. “Uh… She looks like she’s been…” she paused for a second, “did she have an accident?” You looked at Namjoon, who held onto you and tucked a section of hair behind your ear. “She used to harm herself. But I’ve been making sure she’s getting help. In fact, I’m taking her out for a little fun because she’s been cooped up inside for so long. Don’t worry about her, she’s fine,” he responded with a devoted smile aimed straight at your eyes. Haewon nodded and smiled at you with what was supposed to be sympathy. As she moved away, he bent down to whisper in your ear. “I don’t want to hear you speaking a word to her. Don’t try to do anything stupid, baby girl,” he said as he squeezed your forearm, right at the place where he knew you had a painful contusion. You gasped silently and nodded while he let go of you. 

 Haewon began working on your battered skin to the best of her ability. She was a nice girl with blue eyes, silky blonde hair and a petite frame. She tried asking you harmless questions about yourself, but you knew better than to talk to her. If Namjoon expressly said he didn’t want you speaking, he absolutely meant it. You just smiled weakly and shook your head, hoping she would think you were tired and leave you alone. Well, she might think you were an unfriendly bitch, but it’s better to please Namjoon and steer clear of his punishments than indulge a stranger, right? By the end of an hour, Haewon had transformed you into a radically different woman. All the bruises had been expertly concealed. Namjoon had picked a soft dress in a beautiful shade of peach. It flared out at the waist in a dreamy cascade of velvet. He had bought you a pretty pair of heels to go with it. You hated to admit that he had chosen them so well. 

As you spun around, admiring yourself in the mirror, you caught sight of Namjoon standing in the doorway. He was dressed in an impeccable black suit and wore shoes that gleamed brighter than his coal-black eyes. You saw his image winking at you in the mirror and turned to face him. “You are going to be the death of me,” he murmured, as he drew you into his arms. How you wished that would be true! You simply squirmed in his arms, wishing he were dead already. Haewon was giggling when he turned to her and pressed a wad of cash in her hand. “Thanks for your work. You made her look stunning,” he said with a grin. She nodded happily and turned to you. You broke his embrace and shook hands with her to express your thanks. “You have a wonderful boyfriend. I’m so jealous right now,” she whispered into your ears with a giggle. It grated on your nerves to hear her say that. What did she know about this ‘wonderful boyfriend’? You were annoyed that she was so quick to judge him as a great guy, without any idea of what a monster he could be. But then, you were stupid yourself. You had fallen for him just as quickly as she had. So, in a way, you were annoyed at her that she reminded you of how naive you had been. You nodded with a tight smile and said, “I know.” You were sure he had heard the whispers and would be amused to make you repeat her words. He always had fun toying with your sanity. 

After Haewon left the room, he snaked his arm around your waist and leaned into you. “ Tell me what she said,” he asked as he pressed you closer to his side. You gritted your teeth and ground out the words verbatim. You knew better than to leave out a single word. He chuckled and placed a kiss on the top of your head. “You seem to be such a good girl today. I thought you were going to try to act stupid and get punished for being a bad girl. But not today.” You thought you heard a faint disappointment in his voice. Usually, he loved it when you messed up. He always pounced on a chance to bend you over the nearest table and spank you till you cried. Or choke you till your eyes rolled back in your head, and you almost tasted death. You knew he was waiting for you to make the slightest slip up so he could have his way with you. But you were determined to last for at least a week before going back to the darkroom. Anything was better than the darkroom.

 "Babe, I’m going to drop Haewon back at the intersection. You stay here and wait for me, alright?“ he told you as he walked out of the mansion with Haewon following behind him. He had slipped a sheet of paper into your hands before leaving. “Make sure you memorize everything in this,” he had said. You watched him walk away and lock the door behind him. After he had brought you to his mansion, he had changed all the the locks to electronic ones saying that you were too precious for him to lose. At that time, being the naive girl you were, you had thought it was true and had admired the way he loved you and your flaws. You didn’t even have an inkling at that time that a life with Namjoon would be like this. When you say it like that people would think you were lucky enough to be in his life, but you knew that every single day, you struggled to keep yourself alive, with death hanging like a knife above your head. He drove away to drop Haewon off, leaving you wondering if Haewon could even trace her way back to the mansion without his help. You decided to look at the sheet you were given, and you were dumbstruck on reading it. It contained a set of questions and answers you had to memorize. You felt stupid as you read what he had written down: expected questions that you might be asked at the party, and answers for them. His answers. He had changed everything, starting from your hometown to your maiden name. He had stripped away your individuality and replaced it with a nameless, faceless stranger. The one thing you had left after meeting him was taken away from you, it left you pensive, wondering what else could be taken away.

 When he returned, he threw the door open and called out to you. You hastened to meet his arms in fear of being deemed too slow and punished. He beamed proudly as you surrendered yourself into his arms. “You look like a fairy tonight,” he murmured, “ It’s a good thing you were on your punishment for the last four days. Because you wouldn’t have fit into this dress so easily if it weren’t for the darkroom.” You felt a cold wave of sickness stab your gut when you realized he had deliberately bought a smaller dress just because he had fancied it and made you fit in it. “So, I hope you’ve been a good girl and remembered to study the character I’ve built for you?” he asked. You were foolish enough to open your mouth and ask him, “Why ….?”. You suddenly realized what you had done. He stopped in his tracks to turn. His eyes flashed a darker shade of black. With his menacing voice, he asked you, “Were you saying something, my little lamb?”. Your mind raced to think of ways to get you out of this situation. Even death would have looked the easiest way out. “I was wondering why we had to go this early to that party. Can we stay for a drink before we head out? I mean, I just wanted some alone time with you.” You faked a blush. You weren’t ready to be tortured today. You saw his face slowly stretch into a captivating smile, as the light from the chandelier fell on his face, illuminating his chiseled features. You found yourself tracing your fingers over his jawbone, earning a hot and hungry kiss in reward. It seemed to put him in a happy mood because he wore a dazzling smile which only kept getting brighter as the evening progressed.

The ride to that party was long. He was on his phone the entire time, giving you some time alone to look out the window. The city looked beautiful out there with all those colorful lights and yet here you were, sitting with the devil in a shade of grey, as if your time had stopped for a long time, wondering what went wrong and how you ended up like this. Finally, your train of thought was broken when the car came to a sudden halt. When you stepped out of the car and held onto his arms, he tossed his keys to the valet and patted your arm fondly. “I know you hate being seen or touched by other men, but I’m right here to protect you. You’ll be safe with me, I promise,” he said with intense eyes. You weren’t sure if it was meant to be a reassurance or a threat. This was the first time he was taking you out after he came ripping your life in shreds. You tightened your arm on his and said, “ I know, Joonie.” With a satisfied smile, he led you into the bright lights streaming from the hotel. 

 As you entered the banquet hall, you could sense a lot of people turning to look at you. Everyone seemed curious to know who Namjoon had on his arm. There were a lot of people who greeted Namjoon as he weaved his way towards a group of men clustered around a table. They looked at you with interest as he introduced you. You didn’t know if he would punish you later for shaking hands with them, and this got you wishing the night were over already. “So, Y/N”, said Taehyung, “ you’re the first one that the mighty Kim Namjoon has ever dated openly.” You sneaked a look at Namjoon as Taehyung continued, “Tell us what you think about him. We’re curious.” You chuckled smoothly and said,“ He’s a great guy. He’s a stickler for perfection, though. He means whatever he says”. You crossed your fingers hoping this didn’t land you in trouble later. You hadn’t gotten any pinches or painful grasps yet, so you figured everything was going well. The men had brought their girlfriends, who you shook hands with. Seokjin’s girlfriend Lee Eun Ji seemed genuinely friendly and interested in knowing you better. The men moved a bit farther, talking business as they sipped their drinks. 

You were asked friendly questions, most of which Namjoon had anticipated and provided answers with. You managed to blush and evade the ones you weren’t sure of handling. “You know, we were so curious about who the whole party was for,” So Yeon, Jimin’s girlfriend said. “ Oh?”, you blinked, “who is it for?” you enquired curiously. “Why! you sure know Namjoon arranged this whole party to show off his new girlfriend,” giggled Eun Ji. “Of course, all the businessmen here pretend it’s to toast the successful closure of the financial quarter,” she added. You didn’t know if she was joking. You looked around the room filled with people, suddenly hyper-aware of all the pair of eyes sizing you up. “Don’t be nervous, everyone here except Namjoon’s friends work under him,” said So Yeon. “What do the rest of them do?”, you asked. You were then told that the men with Namjoon were the board of directors of the company that Namjoon owned. They had been friends from school, and they had founded the company together. The only fact you had known about Namjoon before coming here was that he was a maniac and a sadist. Yet, here were people telling you that he was a person who was funny, loved to make others laugh and had normal friends. Like they say, the Devil definitely wears Prada. You hadn’t understood what the phrase meant until Namjoon came into your life. He really was a good actor, skilled at masking his true personality. You couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, for pretending to be someone he was not. Or was he pretending? Did he know which of his personalities was true and which was the mask? Did you know enough about him to hazard a guess? You found out he had had previous failed relationships, but none of them had lasted long enough for him to bring to his best friends. You thought you knew the reason why. Because he was a monster. You also got to know that he had studied abroad and had excellent grades. ‘Of course,’ you thought, ‘the bastard has an amazingly sharp mind’. You were surprised that he had left you unattended for so long, without breathing down your neck. You wondered if this was a test to check how much he could trust you. 

 After you started chatting with the girls, you relaxed a little and sipped your drink, feeling a little dizzy. You scanned the room, and, without warning, a thought popped into your head. What if, maybe, just maybe you could escape from his clutches this night? You found your eyes staring at the wide main door of the hall. Instinctively you felt a hot gaze burning into your back. You turned and immediately caught sight of Namjoon, who was looking at you inscrutably. You felt your head start to pound and your pulse quickened on seeing him slowly raise his eyebrows. He didn’t break eye contact with you for a whole damn minute, making your insides churn. No, you were paranoid. He couldn’t read your mind and know what you had been considering just now. Or could he? Beads of sweat rolled down your back as the thudding in your head grew louder. His eye contact was broken by a drunk and haggard conglomerate who was attempting to make a conversation with him. You swung your eyes back to Yoongi’s girlfriend and attempted to calm yourself down. Your eyes never wandered to the door again, but your mind screamed to escape his talons. A few drinks later, you decided to try your luck one last time. Namjoon had confiscated every electronic device you owned, including your cell phone, when he had brought you to his mansion. Now, you decided to take advantage of one of the girls to hatch an escape plan. "Oh!”, you gasped a fake surprise, pretending to search the insides of your clutch purse. “ I guess I’ve left it in the car”, you faked a little facepalm. “What is it?” asked Eun Ji. You gave her a beseeching look. “I thought I had my phone with me, but it seems like I left it behind,” you said. “I just remembered that I need to make a call”. You had one microsecond to choose between asking for a phone and shutting up and riding back to hell with Namjoon. You decided to risk it and continued, “ How silly of me! I have to borrow a phone, I guess.” She promptly took the bait. “You can use my phone, don’t worry,” she beamed.“ You heaved a sigh of relief, saying ” Thanks, Eun Ji. I’ll wait for you at the women’s bathroom.“ You thought on your feet and decided to go first. You didn’t want him seeing you use a phone, nor did you want him to see you going with Eun Ji. You got up and felt giddy with nervousness. Trying to be as casual as you could, you made your way to the side doors.

 Namjoon had been watching you all evening. He knew you would try to pull a stunt, and he was interested in what you would come up with. He had caught you staring at the exit, and he had seen your lips tremble when you made eye contact with him. He was amused to see you trying to hold yourself up, he felt like a puppeteer watching his puppet perform pitiably on its own. When he saw you tracing your finger over your glass thoughtfully, he wondered what was going through your pretty little head. He would let you try your tricks, but he wouldn’t mind breaking those pretty fingers if you put one toe out of his line. He thought he knew what would happen when he saw you make your way to the side door. Ladies bathroom. Convenient. He sighed. He thought you would come up with something more original and entertaining. As soon as he saw Eun Ji stand up, he ambled over to her, blocking her path smoothly. 

 You huffed in annoyance as you kept looking at the bathroom door. Women kept coming and leaving, but Eun Ji’s face never showed up. Was there any other bathroom suite? You hoped she hadn’t wandered off to some other bathroom. Time ticked on but there was no sign of the wretched woman. Now you started to panic. What if Namjoon noticed that you were gone for so long? You decided to suck it up and borrow a phone from one of the ladies in the bathroom. As you approached one woman, there was a warning bell going off in your head. Swallowing the ominous feeling in your throat, you asked her if you could use her phone. She looked at you incredulously, probably because you were her employer’s girlfriend and surely you would have a phone of your own? She handed it over and you ran to the nearest stall. With trembling fingers, you dialed your mom’s number. It was switched off. Your dad’s number was switched off too. With growing panic, you dialed the only other number you knew by heart: your best friend Seung Ho’s. Your heart lifted as you listened to the ringback tone. Finally, you heard "Hello?” You started hyperventilating as you sobbed into the phone,“ Seungah! It’s me, Y/N! Seungah, are mom and dad okay?” There was an audible gasp, followed by “Y/N? Oh my God! Are you alright? I’ve been worried sick about you! Where are you? Your dad and mom went missing too. I almost went crazy when I saw your house ransacked and found all of you missing. I’ve lodged a police complaint. Tell me where you are. Let me come and fetch you.” You started hiccuping as you told him how you were abducted by a man and imprisoned in his mansion. You were not sure whether you should tell him your abductor’s name. You knew Namjoon was capable of indescribable violence. What if you were jeopardizing Seung Ho’s life by involving him in this mess? “I’m at a hotel, he brought me out for the first time. I didn’t notice the name properly; I think it is Conrad but I’m not sure.” He was silent for a minute before asking you the monogram on the toiletries. You told him that it was an intricate C embroidered in gold. You heard someone knocking on your stall’s door. “I’ll come and get you. Stay there and don’t let him suspect anything,” he said and cut the call. You ran out, returned the phone to its owner, and fixed your dress and makeup.

 Your heart was beating wildly when you stepped out of the bathroom suite and walked towards the banquet hall. The first thing that you noticed on entering the hall was that Namjoon was missing from his group of friends. As you turned towards the table you had shared with Eun Ji and the others, you stopped abruptly in your tracks. There was Namjoon, talking earnestly to Eun Ji, apparently interested in whatever she was saying. With one swift lift of his head, he stared directly into your eyes. All the blood drained from your face as you watched him stretch his face into a slow predatory smile. Something screamed inside your head, telling you to call Seung Ho back and stop him from coming. But it was too late. With an arched eyebrow, Namjoon beckoned you to join him.

 "Eun Ji here was just telling me that you wanted a phone,“ he said silkily, his fingers ghosting your arm, "You could have just asked me, honey.” You slumped your shoulders, saying “I thought you were busy with your friends, so I asked Eun Ji.” He gave you a smile that would seem loving to any other person, but to you, it meant malevolence. “You two make a gorgeous couple,” Eun Ji giggled and winked at Namjoon. He chuckled easily and launched into a description of how cute you were. But you couldn’t listen to a word he said. Your mind was worrying profusely about Seung Ho. What would happen to him if Namjoon came to know about him? You couldn’t even imagine what the man would do to your friend. Cold fear crept its way up to your shoulders as his eyes danced all over your face, challenging you. He left saying that the food was delicious and that you should go and try the chocolate parfait. Eun Ji offered to go with you. The devil loosened his grip surprisingly and you made your way to the table farthest from him. 

 It was around 30 minutes later that you received a message through one of the waiters. He dropped a tightly rolled slip of paper on your plate as he set it down. You looked at him with a sudden jerk of your head, and he quietly motioned towards the end of the hall. There, looking at you intently, was the woman who had lent you her phone. As soon as she was sure you had caught her eyes properly, she nodded her head in one swift motion. Then she lowered her eyes to her drink and didn’t look up again. You felt your entire being trembling with fear as you thought of what would happen if your stunt transpired and Namjoon came to know. You had the sinister feeling that you were being watched. The knowledge that Namjoon had stepped out of the hall with Yoongi and hadn’t returned only served to twist the knot in your stomach tighter. Carefully, pretending to look around for a waiter, you swept your eyes throughout the hall. No Namjoon was in sight. 

 With great caution, you unrolled the paper and read its contents. “Come out as soon as you get this. I’ll come to you when I see you.” You re-read the paper to make sure it was Seung Ho’s handwriting. With another wary glance, you ascertained that Namjoon was, in fact, not in the room. None of the women at the table had seen your paper, they had been chatting in a drunken stupor. 

 You were hit by a wave of nausea. You would rather stay and die with Namjoon than see Seung Ho being hurt. What if you just slipped out, met him, told him you’d come back someday, and came back to your captor? At least Seung Ho would see you were alright and would agree to wait and plan your escape. You felt it was rational to come back tonight and try to escape another day. So, with your head spinning, you slowly traced your steps to the main door. As an afterthought, you turned and walked down the sleek wooden paneled hall and reached the side doors. You knew that hotels like these had a private entrance that was mostly connected to the fire escape. You decided it was worth a shot and crept down the fire escape, with a steady lookout for Namjoon or any of his friends. You reached the last few steps and crept along the dimly illuminated tunnel that forked out from the base of the stairs. Just like you had guessed, the tunnel led you directly to the VIP entrance. When you emerged out of the tunnel, a guard signaled for you to stop. You felt your ears ring as you complied. With a forced smile, you looked at the guard and said, “ I’m the hostess of the party at the banquet hall. Is something wrong?” His eyebrows cleared and he nodded you forward with “Nothing ma'am. Have a pleasant evening.” You couldn’t believe your luck as you sailed regally out of the gates and stepped onto the cold gravel. 

  Pressing his earpiece, the guard talked into his microphone, “ She has just left the building, she turned westward and continued down the road.”

You didn’t know where Seung Ho would be, so you were unsure of which direction you had to take. Ducking in the shadows, you reached the end of the street and remained hidden as you scanned the entire road for any sign of Seung Ho. Almost an eternity passed before you spotted a figure wearing a bomber jacket you would recognize anywhere. You silently moved towards the walking figure to meet them halfway. You were right, it really was Seung Ho. Heart beating wildly, you broke into a frantic jog and launched yourself straight into his open arms. He hugged you tight with whispers of “Are you okay?” “Are you hurt?” Without breaking the embrace, he turned you around on your heels and told you to sprint as fast as you could with him. Your brain screamed at you as to what a stupid decision it was. Yet, your legs started to move on their own. You could not help but think, what if you could run away from all this? You held his hand as you ran at breakneck speed down the road, zigzagging through the lanes and smaller streets.

 After what seemed like fifteen minutes of running, your lungs gave out and you had to stop. He pulled you into an alley and the two of you crouched in the dark. You cuddled into him, missing the wonderful presence of someone familiar. Seung Ho was shushing you, patting your back while he kept an alert vigil on the alleyway. Neither of you uttered a single word, both absorbed in your own mortal fears on what would happen if something went wrong after coming this far. You kicked yourself for running away, after all those ‘rational’ plans of returning to Namjoon as soon as you finished meeting Seung Ho. Now you were absolutely sure Namjoon would break every bone in your body if he ever got his hands on you again. You can sense that Seung Ho was confused at all this, yet he never uttered a word. After your lungs stopped feeling like you had swallowed molten lava, you jabbed Seung Ho’s shoulder and whispered, “How did you send that message to me? How were you sure it would reach me?” He winked and said, “I got another person to call the number you had called me from. When I found out that it was a woman, I called and asked if she could deliver a message to the person she had lent her phone to. She didn’t mind, so I got her name, quickly scribbled a message and sent it to her through the reception desk.” Your eyes opened in wonder and you pressed an innocent kiss on his cheek for being so smart. He gave you his cheeky grin and dismissed you as a ‘sloppy kisser’. You giggled and dug your fingers into his ribs, asking if it was time to resume running. He swept his eyes over the alleyway and nodded. Cautiously, he got up and went to check the road in case anyone was lurking there. When he was satisfied that the coast was indeed clear, he signaled you to join him. 

 The two of you were bone-tired when you reached the busy crossroads almost 3 miles from the Conrad Hotel. Considering the fact that Namjoon was probably already combing the area in search of you, Seung Ho decided to hitch a ride. He reasoned with you that it was safer because you stayed anonymous and it was more sensible than booking a cab. You agreed and waited for someone to slow down in response to Seung Ho’s outstretched thumb. You kept getting jittery as you eyed each passing car, scared of getting caught by him. Fortunately, a car slowed down, and a woman rolled down her window. Seung Ho quickly asked her if she could drop the two of you at the next metro station. She agreed and both of you hopped in with relieved smiles. 

 The woman stopped at an intersection and turned to Seung Ho saying, “ You just have to walk a couple of minutes due North and you’ll reach the metro.” You turned back and looked out of the window. There was no one in sight. You nodded your head and alighted, thanking her profusely. As soon as she drove away, Seung Ho held your hand and started walking with brisk steps. You had a sinister feeling of being followed and kept your ears tuned to the surroundings. There was a cold breeze blowing, turning your exhaled breaths into mists of warm vapor. Suddenly you heard a noise directly behind you. You could have sworn you had heard the crunch of shoes on gravel just then. Tightening your grip on Seung Ho’s hand, you started running down the poorly lit road. You ran as fast you could, and your lungs were threatening to betray you.

 As the two of you dashed forward, you ran smack into a person who seemingly materialized out of the gloomy night itself. Before you could comprehend anything, you saw a flash of black grab and yank you from Seung Ho. Your head swam as the blackness pressed you in a chokehold that grew tighter with each passing second. You almost blacked out when you heard a deep voice laced with malice croon in your ear, “Found ya, baby girl.” Before you could pass out, he loosened his grip on your throat. You fell hard on to the cold rough gravel. A dark shoe pinned your palm to the gravel and twisted it, bruising the back of your hand and crushing it against the gravel. You yelped in pain and suddenly everything came into focus. You were pinned to the ground by Namjoon’s foot, and Seung Ho was being held by a hooded stranger, with a knife dangerously close to his neck. 

 Bending down, Namjoon pulled you up by your hair, twisting it around his hand as though he owned you by the reins. With a sharp tug, he brought you upright and had you facing Seung Ho. “I was so bored, waiting for you to come out of the damned alley, princess. I almost lost my patience. But then I decided to let you think you had outsmarted me. I wanted to dangle freedom in front of you and snatch it when you thought you had almost won.” He turned your head to face him and slapped you hard across the face, making your cheek sting. “I’ve been so good to you and this is what I get for my kindness? Some selfish bitch you are. And you ran off, with him? I am so disappointed in you, Y/N.” You saw Seung Ho try to move, and the stranger pressed the blade even closer against his skin. Your eyes were blurry from all the tears threatening to spill out. You had been caught, just as you had feared. You would not be getting away with this easily. Now, because of you, Seung Ho was in harm’s way too. 

 "I saw you kiss him”, Namjoon was pressing a cold blade against your lips,“ And he called you a sloppy kisser?” he scoffed. “You had some nerve, kissing a man and hugging him like that, thinking I wouldn’t know.” So, the bastard had been following you the entire time! You tried to open your lips, but the sharp edge of the blade held firmly against your lips was drawing blood now. “ I took such good care of you, only to be repaid with this?” he twisted your hair tighter in his hand. Fat drops of tears started falling from your eyes, dampening the fabric on your chest. You couldn’t talk, not with the blade against your lips.

 You felt him relax his grip abruptly, and you fell down again, losing your balance. A sharp well-placed kick to your ribcage rendered you motionless, with nothing more than a groan escaping your bleeding lips. Lying down crumpled on the gravel, you saw Namjoon advance towards Seung Ho ominously. The stranger held Seung Ho in a firm grip. “How dare you roam your filthy fingers over her, you bastard,” Namjoon growled. “A sloppy kisser? You have the nerve to touch her and then call her a sloppy kisser?” Lip curling with rage, he placed several punches on Seung Ho’s face. Crying out for Namjoon to stop, you tried to push yourself upright. A crushing pain in your chest ran like an electric jolt throughout your body, making you fall back down, gasping in agony. “Does it hurt, baby doll?”, Namjoon cooed. “Well, you should’ve thought about it before you ran away with this scum. Now, here you are writhing in pain”, he chuckled with amusement. 

 You watched Namjoon hit Seung Ho, all the while raving obscenities at Seung Ho’s audacity in touching something that belonged solely to him. You could do nothing but cry and beg Namjoon to stop. After he had bloodied Seung Ho’s face to his satisfaction, Namjoon came back to you and pulled you upright, making sure to clutch you tight around your ribs. You were about to faint any moment because of the excruciating pain. He dragged you towards Seung Ho, who was only half-conscious. His nose had been broken, he had a cut lip and swollen jaws. Blood dripped from a cut on his brow, falling on his eyelashes and making a tiny red rivulet trickle down his face.

 "No one ever touches you anymore, nor will you ever try to leave me. For learning this lesson, the price you have to pay is quite cheap,” growled Namjoon. You were staring helplessly at your best friend when you saw a flash of silver slice the air and stab his chest. “ No!” you screamed, trying vainly to run out of Namjoon’s grasp. The sharp blade came down a couple more times on Seung Ho, draining the life slowly out of his body. Namjoon let go of you and you dropped down to your knees, scrambling to cradle Seung Ho’s head in your lap, crying all the while. He was gasping for air, eyes wide, trying to tell you something. You wailed on seeing the blood gush out rapidly, you held his head and begged him to stay with you. He leaned a little bit closer, enough for you to hear him, and whispered softly, “I am sorry. I..” But you knew everything was over when you saw Seung Ho’s eyes fixate on you, and saw the light leave his eyes. You cried uncontrollably, all your memories with him flashing in front of you. Yet, here he was, lifeless and cold.  All because of you. His beaming face, smile, kindness, and care had become something of the past all because of you.

 Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw Namjoon getting down on his knees next to you. You felt his hot breath fanning your ear and turned to stare into his eyes. You were so lost in agony that you couldn’t even curse him. He pulled your hand and wrapped your fingers around the cold hilt of the knife that had pierced your best friend’s flesh. “Baby, look what you made me do,” he sighed, “His blood is staining your beautiful dress.” You looked at him with wide pupils, unable to get a word out. “Go on, I don’t mind if you hug or kiss him now. He won’t come between us anymore.” Seung Ho’s blood was seeping into the fabric of your dress, staining the pale peach fabric a bloody red. “By the way, you look ravishingly beautiful in red, darling,” Namjoon said, wiping the blade on your dress. Without any remorse, he murmured, “I’ve killed a man to protect you. I think you should consider calling me a wonderful guy next time when someone asks.” You watched the man walk away, pressing his shoes to the gravel, holding the reins of your entire being in his hands.    

[koorinohebi]

I am curious: how would you describe Kiomi's relationship with Jiraiya? And with Koji Kashin? What you've shared about them so far seems very interesting and I must know more!

Thank you for dropping by and asking about my life blood for Kiomi! xD

Kiomi's relationship with Jiraiya is by far one of my most favorite things (it ties with Sarutobi Arai, another OC whom she formed a really strong bond with over the years, to the point where they are like sisters).

A little tidbit before I begin; to be perfectly honest, with the amount of stuff I dish out that's Jiraiya related, one couldn't have guessed that he was one of the characters that I absolutely HATED back in the day. Whatever admiration I have for Jiraiya mostly stemmed from Kiomi. 

Now, where do I start...

JIRAIYA

I have 3 verses for Kiomi's interactions with Jiraiya. One follows the anime/manga, one is my main verse for her which follows my RP with the Jiraiya she came to know as her sensei, and then one verse with which I've started a long long time ago (and still ongoing with @ambitiousparagon​). Since the most fleshed out is her main verse, I'll be talking about that. 

Truthfully, Kiomi's relationship with Jiraiya is supposed to border on platonic going to enemies. However, fate has a funny way of letting the stars align.

The initial plot for this was Kiomi's desperation to prove herself useful to Orochimaru that she agreed to not only get intel on Konoha, but also take down one of the 2 remaining Sannins. A suicide mission, I know. Since Tsunade had value to Orochimaru as a healer, and someone whom he believed he could still EVENTUALLY sway to his side, her lord instead sent her after the most rumbunctios one of them all. He wasn't going to tell her how to do it. Since she’s so eager to prove herself, he allowed her to plan everything. Which she did, starting with pretending to be a defector from Otogakure. Kiomi had plotted with a few of the Otonins to help her out, set an attack, do as much damage as she could while she escaped to Konoha with pretty valid info (about Sasuke, and maybe a few plans here and there) to try and earn their trust. And while she was accepted, Konoha wasn't so stupid as to simply believe a previous underling of Orochimaru. SO. In order to prevent her from doing any sort of damage, and at the same time to keep her under surveillance, Tsunade had assigned Kiomi as a "student" to Jiraiya who had just returned from one of his reconnaissance missions. And with Jiraiya being a person who doesn't stay long in the village, it seemed like a good course of action to take, one which also worked to Kiomi's advantage because it brought her closer to her goal.

Their student-teacher setup starts out very platonic. Kiomi has always been quite the curious kid. She does her best to learn whatever it was that she could. With her arrangement of being a student, it allowed her to work closely with Jiraiya who, well...being Jiraiya, mostly had his nose stuck in a hot spring somewhere. This made her wonder if this was some kind of weakness that she could exploit when the time was right so she kept a close watch. She'd been warned about his lecherous ways, but since she was a teenage kid who didnt really see herself much of anything, she could care less about his reputation. In fact, there are times when she would wonder if his so called "research" was worth all the broken ribs and bones. Often times she would also use Jiraiya’s love for women and sake as motivation to head to a new village for whatever work they need to do.

Eventually though, the more they traveled the more they kept ending up in trouble's very welcoming arms. And these were the moments when a bond of trust formed between the two. Kiomi had been very open about her principle of not caring about other people's live. Who died and who didn't. After all, she was groomed to be a tool. Her mentor, however, was not having any of that nonsense. Jiraiya instills in her repeatedly the value of human life. True enough that taking one was easy, but preserving it along with learning how to understand one another despite all the differences was the goal of being a shinobi. He also pretty much treats her like an actual human being rather than just someone expendable, which sparked Kiomi's curiosity all the more. Because while Orochimaru had been kind (manipulative), Jiraiya was a very warm individual who didnt seem like his kindness had any strings attached. He also allows her to just bloom into her own person, encouraging her to rediscover herself as more than just a Shinobi, but as a living breathing human being. More than being a mentor on jutsus and other skills, what endeared Jiraiya to Kiomi was how much values and lessons about life she learned from him. To the point where she could no longer push through with her mission of assassinating him, and instead permanently defecting to Konoha. It also helps that Jiraiya hinted that he knew about her supposed betrayal. Where one would have normally sentenced her to execution because she was the enemy, the Toad Sage believed in her, and it was that benevolence that ultimately defeated her.

So it went from platonic to an eventual slow burn of becoming a ship. Which was all accidental, because apparently, due to all the trouble they got into, and due to always having each other's back, the sage developed his own brand of protectiveness over the girl and vice versa. That ended with him being half in denial and half in acceptance of what he was feeling, despite knowing it was probably wrong. He doesn't act upon it though as their bond as Master and Student was what was most important. At the same time, Kiomi who is as dense as a rock had no idea about what exactly it is that she feels. But when she realizes what it is, she tries to avoid it at all cost, as being Master and Student was also more important to her. Every once in a while though, a little bit of their feelings slip through. Mostly when one of them is half dead. (And they get into so much trouble that at the end of a specific arc, one of them is either REALLY injured, or near death, and in one occasion actually died.) There are also times when it just slips on its own from either side, due to careless words, or perhaps impulsive actions that creates a bit of awkward situations.

Here is an example of when Kiomi gives in a little to her own feelings.

===

What am I doing?

She couldn't sleep. She ended up shifting for a while there, turning to look up at the stars that Jiraiya had been so keen on seeing. Everything was pitch black which made her, for a moment, appreciate the little specs of light that seemed to glisten in the vast distance of space. Pretty. However, beautiful as they may, they gave her no comfort. The moon that had so graciously lent them its light was now hiding behind the midnight clouds, shying away from her sight. I can't sleep. At this rate, there would be no rest for her for the entire night.

That was when she felt just a slight shift beside her. Curiously, she took her first glance of him after that short period of silence. A soft sigh passed through her lips. At least, one of them was getting some sleep after a long day of training and misunderstandings. Still, from the looks of how his face was contorting, his slumber didn't seem all too pleasant. I'll check just a little.

And so, she sat up, silently and cautiously moving close enough so that she ever so slightly hovered over him. He didn't look like he was having a good time at all. See, this is why bed was the better choice. The mental note was made. Maybe she should wake him up, just in case he was having a nightmare. In that moment wherein she wanted to call for him, no words came out. Instead, a free hand moved on its own in an effort to touch his face. But they stopped. Just inches away from his cheek. Kiomi remembered the way that he had caressed her own (when he seemed under a delusional trance), but she had no courage to do the same. Even when her mouth moved to speak, only soundless words came out. And even those, she couldn't even finish. Again, she bit her lip inwardly. She didn't have the right to say them. After all, the expression on his face from earlier...the one that enthralled her to the point where she couldn't think straight, wasn't even meant for her.

So instead, her hands retreated to a few strands of hair that was long enough for her to take. Gently, just pressed her lips against them before finally relenting, retreating back to her own spot. And apparently just in time, since a few moments after that, she felt him move. Heard him speak. She had to hold her breath for a moment. Again, pretend to sleep. Closed her eyes.

What...am I doing?

===

In this main verse (where Jiraiya survives through the 4th Shinobi War), we've gotten to a point where they've admitted to what they feel (above is a prelude to said revelation), BUT! More than the awkward lovers they end up as, what's most important first and foremost is their relationship as teacher and student. It’s always the main element, everything else is basically secondary. Their relationship whether it's platonic or romantic, has always been one of learning.

And as proof to that, here is a scenario wherein Kiomi and Jiraiya were having a small lecture on the workings of the heart-- affections vs. unconditional love. She, out of curiosity, blurted out the question, "Isn't it frustrating if you can't touch the person that you love...?". To which the answer came as such:

===

"Hold that thought." He replied as she spoke the last of her words, wanting to take the time to address the prior question which was awkwardly blurted out on her behalf earlier. "It's very frustrating, yes, but...if you can't touch a person's heart with sincere feelings first, then no amount of hugs, kisses, or anything else can fill the void inside of you. There were many things that kept the woman that I loved and I apart. War. Misunderstanding. My own personal faults, but I find that I would've given anything within reason, even not being allowed to touch her in ways that would've held significant meaning for us both, just to be accepted as someone that she loved and was genuinely in love with."

Indeed, he had harbored those feelings for someone else. The unrequited love of the century, in fact, but what was worse in his mind was to succumb to the despair of not being accepted, was giving up on the prospect of being loved or in love at all. This was the man who believed that a ninja's worth was measured in his determination not to give up on their mission. So come what may, this brief skirmish of feelings with Kiomi had strengthened his resolve to maintain that belief system all the more no matter what the outcome between them would be.

"The better question is, why are you alright with hiding so much from yourself?" A contrast sharper than the edge of the most menacing blade, the internal conflict that she was experiencing was the true focus of his next words. "In other words, you won't get anywhere in life if all you do is hide from what you feel for anything." There were no exceptions going to be made, because this was suddenly about far more than mere affection or literary prowess. It was the central issue of Kiomi's very being which needed addressing in its own due time. Jiraiya felt that in the moment, it was his duty to plant the seeds which might otherwise allow her to consider the best options about how to confront and move past so daunting a thing. And there, without ever needing to say a word, his argument was given it's apex example. It didn't matter what realizing the truth of that matter cost if she could manage to pull it off. No price would be too high to pay, even their sacred bond, if it meant that she could grow past the limitation of inhibition which had placed a virtual strangle hold on her heart and mind.

===

Obviously talking about Tsunade in the first part. She feels an irrational bout of jealousy over a person who didn't even choose him, and feels her own emotions to be ugly. It's definitely a different type of envy compared to when she's jealous of Sasuke being Orochimaru's choice for a vessel.

And Jiraiya here made a really good point. The more she hides from what she feels, the more she doesn't get anywhere, which is why in verses where he is dead, Kiomi is left with an overwhelming regret of never having the chance, let alone courage to admit to her feelings and confess. Because she knows that he loves Tsunade, she is prepared for any sort of rejection (and knows that it'll even probably legitimately make her cry all the tears she can cry). If she had just allowed herself that little bit of honesty, then she probably wouldn't be stuck in the mud, unable to move forward in the years to come.

Ultimately though, Jiraiya's happiness is what's important to her. Which is why after the war, Kiomi works closely with both Otogakure and Konoha in order to protect the place and people that her mentor loved and died fighting for.

At the end of it all, I believe that for these three verses, the finality of her relationship with him is one of absolute trust and loyalty. Whether or not her feelings are reciprocated, she has already accepted the fact that Jiraiya ignites a flame within her, not necessarily one brought about by romance, but in the trust that he puts in her. He never was the type to give answers directly. It wasnt a mind game, but Jiraiya's brand of teaching encourages a belief in one's self to find an answer that the student can believe in, something in which he too comes to have faith in.

Kashin Koji’s route comes in a separate post. 

[detroitwhatitmeanstobehuman]

Chapter 19 - Mischief and Mayhem

Part 2/10 of In The Meantime

Word Count: 15,445

Warnings: Swearing, discussion of trauma, sexual content.

Genre: Self-insert/Smut/Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: OC (Detective Rachel) X Connor

Rating: Explicit

Summary: In an effort to quell Connor’s misgivings and anxieties, Rachel arranged something of a fun get-together with Hank and Markus and his companions. The goal? Achieve catharsis in whatever way that would be enjoyable. And some of those ways are rather destructive, but Connor finds it all strangely enjoyable and freeing.

What It Means To Be Human | Previous Chapter

---------------------------------

Date: November 14th, 2038  Time: 2:45 PM Rachel - Lover Hank - Friend Markus - Friend North - Friend Josh - Friend Jericho - Allied Objective: Have fun

“Oh, come on! Now you’re just showing off!” Rachel exclaimed angrily while she was still sitting on the slick kitchen floor.

Connor couldn’t stifle the perverse glee of the motion of twirling and flipping each pan in his hands expertly as he juggled them. There was something about the weight and balance of them that felt incredibly satisfying to him. 

The day had progressed as enjoyably as it began, and Connor felt privileged to be able to see the lengths of Rachel’s silliness. As they lingered in the dining room, Rachel suddenly appeared from the kitchen with a pair of floor scrubbers on her feet and a mop in hand, proclaiming herself a mighty warrior and demanding a challenger, of which Markus was the first to accept. This, of course, led to a “battle” of epic proportions, with Rachel fending off the androids, each of them using a mop as though it were a sword.

Hank and Josh decided to stay out and spectate, Hank cheering for Rachel while Josh cheered for the androids. But with Rachel being outnumbered three to one, she was felled easily by Markus and crumpled onto the ground dramatically, pretending to die in an over-the-top fashion as though she were in a Shakespearean tragedy. 

Looking down at Rachel with a giddy smirk, Connor slid over to her in his floor scrubbers. “I have no clue what you mean, Detective.” He teased. “I’m simply making sure I don’t drop any of these pans.”

Rachel scoffed at him with an eyeroll, laughing mostly to herself. “Wiseass.”

“Takes one to know one, Detective.” Connor retorted playfully.

Rachel shook her head, slowly getting up back onto her feet unsteadily. “I’m starting to think that maybe Hank and I are a bad influence on you, Connor.”

“Speak for yourself, Rachel.” Hank responded, standing in the doorway with Josh not willing to risk potentially injuring himself, which was a relief for Connor. “I’m thoroughly enjoying seeing this side of him.”

Hank - Friend ^ There it was. That unrestrained praise that Connor was realizing more and more he had never gotten before from Amanda. To think that he worked so hard for her approval before.

But he doesn’t have to, anymore. He has people worth working hard for. People whose approval actually meant something to Connor.

North slid past Connor, side-eyeing him. “If you think that’s impressive, watch this.” She said to Rachel before sliding her hands into her jacket pocket and pulling out what looked like a set of throwing knives. 

North then started juggling them as expertly as Connor was juggling pans. He couldn’t help but be impressed by her sheer finesse and dexterity. To think that she was a mere sex android before the revolution was a thought that was easy to forget. You’d barely know if you’d met her now. But that only made North that much more intriguing. Her deadliness wasn’t programmed, but learned. It was practiced.

And this was a fact that clearly hadn’t escaped Rachel as she stared at North’s hands, her dark brown eyes wide with wonder as her hands started tentatively flapping with joy. “You can throw knives?” Rachel asked, and excited giddiness sprinkled in her higher-pitched voice. “Like, at people? With accuracy?”

North raised a curious eyebrow at her without stopping her little show. “Yeah.” She replied flatly. “And I can catch them if anyone throws any at me.” She then narrowed her brown eyes at Rachel. “Why?”

The shorter woman’s eyes darted back and forth before they widened in realization. “I just came up with a great idea!”

“Uh-oh.” Josh said preemptively, bumping Hank with his elbow with a smile.

“No no! It’ll be fun!” Rachel reassured them, sliding towards the door to the main hall. “And we can all take part in it! Without risk of injury.”

“Oh good!” Hank said, stretching his back with a crack. “I was starting to worry I was gonna get left out at the end, there.”

Markus then kicked off his scrubbers and tossed aside his sweeper as he followed Rachel outside. Connor did the same, putting his pans back on the counter before following them. “So what’s your idea, then?” The deviant leader asked her.

As they all walked out into the main hall, which was now covered in debris from the various objects and furniture the group ended up destroying. Rachel side-stepped around it, Hank and Josh rounding around the other side from the dining room to meet up where Rachel was going. “Well, I saw that there was a dart board in the game room.” She began explaining, Markus, Connor, and North all following her. “And when North started juggling her knives, I got a brilliant idea.” She then turned to the red-haired android with a smirk. “How many of those bad boys you’ve got in there?”

North returned her smirk as she pulled out five from each pocket. “Enough to keep busy.”

“Ooooooh!” Rachel exclaimed as she stared at them. “Perfect! So we’ll definitely have enough!”

As they all entered the game room, Rachel located the dart board and gestured towards it dramatically with her hand. Connor was curious as to what she was going to suggest next. It filled him with intrigue. 

Connor thought he knew Rachel pretty well after the week-long revolution they’ve gone through, but even now, she still continued to surprise him. It wasn’t difficult to see how she had managed to thread herself in Connor’s circuits. She was endlessly charming and endearing. Indeed, she never failed to be a creature of character and Connor never ceased to be further enthralled by her. And what captivated Connor most was her sheer enthusiasm and passion.

And all of it was genuine. There was nothing that Connor could call fabricated or dishonest about Rachel. In everything she did, everything she was, and everything she believed in, she was completely earnest.

Indeed, it seemed that Rachel made it nearly impossible for Connor not to adore her. His programming may have held back many of his feelings before he accepted his deviancy, but he certainly didn’t hold them back now.

And he never would. Never again. He loved Rachel, he loved Hank, and he loved his friends. He would be a fool to be ashamed of any of that.

“So, we’ve got our dart board, here!” Rachel announced to the group, who were all standing to attention. “Let’s see who’s the best at throwing knives.”

Hank then scoffed at Rachel. “Well, it’s sure not gonna be you. You have shit aim.”

“I tend to, yes.” Rachel agreed. “And yet, I’m quite the sharpshooter when I’m given a deadly weapon.”

“It certainly saved my life enough times over.” Markus agreed, nodding at Rachel pleasantly. Connor couldn’t help but swell with pride on her behalf. “As well as many androids who have you to thank for being alive today.”

To Connor’s surprise, Rachel actually seemed to shrink a bit at Markus’s praise. Her shoulders hunched over as she looked away. “I just...did what I had to do.”

A moment of quiet hung over them all. The air was strangely stale in the afternoon light. “I wish Simon was here.” Josh suddenly said, breaking the silence. That name was familiar to Connor and when he placed why, he felt a fresh wave of guilt wash over and soak itself into his biocomponents. The android on the Stratford Tower. The one who carried out the heist with Markus and shot himself in the head. “He would’ve really enjoyed just spending the time like this. Just...being with friends and actually having fun. Without having to worry about supplying blue blood and biocomponents and wondering if we would be wiped out.”

Rachel then regarded Josh curiously. “I guess you...never really actually hung out before the revolution.” She supposed as her dark eyes flicked over the androids. “Which makes sense. I mean...who can really blame you?”

“He died for his cause.” North chimed in, her arms crossed as she leaned against Markus. “We all miss him, but...I think he would be happy that his sacrifice wasn’t in vain.”

Markus’s brows furrowed as he looked towards the ground. “I just wish he could see it.”

As Connor regarded his fellow androids, he locked eyes with Hank. The old man shook his head, his bright blue eyes clouded with a solemn sort of sympathy for the androids. Hank was a seasoned lieutenant. He’s likely lost fellow officers before and understands their pain.

But all Connor could feel was guilt. Perhaps if he hadn’t followed Rachel to the roof, Simon would be standing here with his friends. Maybe he would’ve survived. In any case, Connor couldn’t shake off the weight of Simon’s death. It was his fault, and Connor had to take responsibility.

In fact, he had to take responsibility for everything he had done before he accepted his deviancy. Despite having the trust and friendship of the leaders of Jericho, Connor still felt on some level that he didn’t deserve it. And memories like getting Simon killed only served to solidify that doubt.

“Hang on!” Rachel said confidently, interrupting the sombre mood and fixing Connor in her intense gaze. Already, the android detective could tell that wheels were turning in her head as she was putting pieces together in the nebulous enigma that was her brilliant mind. “Simon was put in the archive room along with all the evidence we collected from the deviancy case, right?”

Connor nodded. “Correct.” He replied.

“So, he should still be there, right?” Rachel asked him before she turned to the lieutenant. “Hank, we left when you started beating the shit out of Perkins.”

“Hank physically assaulted an FBI agent?” Josh asked Rachel in surprise, looking between her and the lieutenant.

She gave him a bright smile. “Oh, he did!” Rachel responded joyfully. “And it was fucking awesome!”

“And you can bet your ass that I would gladly do it again if I ever saw that bastard ever again.” Hank proclaimed proudly, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.

“Well,” North interjected. “I’m impressed.”

“Wait, so,” Markus said, fixing Rachel in his heterochromic stare. “You have Simon? Locked away somewhere?”

“Theoretically.” Rachel hastily told him. “Simon should still be in the archive room at the station provided Perkins didn’t take him.” She then turned to Hank once again. “Did he go into the archive room after we left? Because he showed up at Jericho that same night, so I got the feeling he was in a hurry as soon as he realized we were gone.”

Another stab of guilt for Connor, realizing that he had unwittingly led the FBI straight to Jericho. Granted, his mission had only changed once he actually arrived and met Markus, but that didn’t stop the immense stinging feeling Connor could feel in his chest at the memory.

“Don’t know.” Hank said to Rachel with a shrug. “I was kicked out after kicking enough of the shit outta him. So I have no clue if Simon’s still there.”

Another moment of quiet seemed to descend on the group before someone spoke up. “Should we go check to see if he’s there?” North then asked. “If we can get him back, maybe we can find a way to get him back online, somehow.”

“Well, it’s not gonna be all that soon, I’m sorry to say.” Hank said calmly to North. “Cops and everyone else are working on staying on top of things after the evacuation. I doubt there’d be anyone at the station right now, and I don’t think it’d be safe for any of you to just start pulling androids out of evidence.”

“But we can’t just leave him in there!” Josh interjected. “He’s one of us, even if we can’t bring him back, he deserves a proper memorial at the least.”

“I’m not saying we leave him in there!” Hank retorted back. He shook his head with a sigh, leaning back further against the wall. “Look, we can’t get him right now, but I doubt it’ll be long for things to be normal at the department at least. I’m keeping tabs on the precinct right now for any updates, so...if I get word of anything, I’ll let you know and we can try to go get him.” He proposed to them. “Got it?”

“Please.” Markus replied, his eyes pleading. “As soon as you get word, let us know.”

“Yeah, yeah. I will.” Hank said to Markus, giving him a patient smile. “Besides, I don’t think Rachel will let me forget it. Or let me live it down if I do.”

“Nope, absolutely not.” Rachel said confidently, her arms crossed and her eyebrows raised at him.

It was odd to see Hank in this position. To think that he was so vehemently against androids and so hostile before was almost unthinkable, seeing the lieutenant comforting their friends this way. And the fact that Hank was unapologetic about his newfound perspective on androids made Connor feel as though perhaps he could atone for his past crimes.

Perhaps he could make amends after all. In any case, the prospect of perhaps bringing Simon back to life and reuniting him with his close friends gave Connor hope. Hope that perhaps he would consider himself deserving of the friendships he had gained after everything.

“But until then,” Rachel’s voice cut through Connor’s thoughts with ease as she approached them. “Let’s see who’s best at throwing knives. I’m gonna bet that it’s Connor because he’s perfect at everything and this seems like it would be right up his alley.”

Rachel - Lover ^ North - Friend ^ Connor could barely suppress the bloom on his cheeks at her praise. “We’ll see about that.” North challenged, an edge of competition to her prideful demeanour. Her challenge was only further exemplified when she handed Rachel one of her knives with the handle facing her. “But, since this was your idea, why don’t you go first?”

Rachel nodded, holding the knife and stepping forward. “Great idea!” She agreed. “I’m probably gonna suck, since I’ve never done this before. But who cares? This is supposed to be fun.” But as she stepped up, preparing herself, she then grew rather meek and nervous as her stress level fluctuated slightly. She wasn’t distressed, just a little nervous and unsure. “Um...you’re gonna have to actually show me what to do, because I have no clue what I’m doing.”

North rolled her eyes and approached Rachel. “Well, first of all,” she said, putting her hands on Rachel’s shoulders, “you’re standing too close. Back up a bit.”

Rachel’s eyes widened at the contact and a familiar reaction to North’s touch made Connor’s software stutter briefly. “O-okay, yep.” Increased heart rate. Flushed cheeks. Something unpleasant sparked within Connor as he observed them.

North then put her hand on Rachel’s, causing a brief gasp to escape her. “Grip the knife like this, thumb up and fingers around, like that.” She instructed folding her hands over Rachel’s to correct her grip. “And stand with your right foot out and your left behind you.”

Rachel further continued to blush as she obeyed North’s instructions. However, when she glanced in Connor’s direction and made eye contact with him, the smallest ghost of a smirk on her face was made known to him. “Uh, like this?” She asked, leaning further into North’s touch.

“Yeah, exactly.” North encouraged. “Now, how far you bend your arm back depends on how far from the target you are.” She then began pulling Rachel’s arm back behind her head. “From short range, you throw with your elbow bent and your wrist behind your head.”

“Okay.” Rachel replied, leaning more into North’s touch, glancing back at Connor. The android grew more and more confused. Was Rachel actively trying to make Connor feel these unpleasant feelings? Or was she simply being her typical mischievous self?

And more importantly, what did these strange feelings mean? He wasn’t certain and Connor couldn’t place a name for it.

“And, I’m pretty sure I don’t need to tell you how to throw something.” North said, stepping back and detaching from Rachel and standing next to Markus.

Rachel then gave a nervous laugh. “Y-yeah, I think I’ve got that.”

[Confront Rachel]

Ask Hank

[Say Nothing]

As Connor observed her, he stepped back towards Hank. He didn’t like the feeling it gave him and he wanted to be sure of it in case it interfered with his relationship with Rachel. The last thing he wanted was to jeopardize it.

“Lieutenant?” He whispered to the old man. “Can I ask you something?”

Hank shrugged. “Shoot, I’m all ears.”

“Do you find Rachel’s reaction to North...strange?” Connor asked.

“What?” Hank asked, confused.

Rachel

North

Strange Feeling

“I’m concerned for the state of our relationship.” Connor admitted, shuffling nervously in place. “I’m feeling something I can’t describe, but it’s unpleasant and it was triggered by how close North and Rachel were to each other and Rachel’s reactions to it.”

Hank - Friend ^ Hank then rolled his eyes, seeming to finally understand. “That’s jealousy, Connor.” He said flatly. “It’s a normal thing that happens.”

Jealousy. Interesting. Interesting and alarming. “What is it typically triggered by?”

“A lot of things, Connor.” Hank replied. “Someone being better at something than you that you’re working hard on. Someone you like or care about a lot spending more time with someone else rather than you. It’s a normal thing that happens, but it’s also kinda stupid and irrational.”

That didn’t serve to comfort the android. “How so?” He asked.

“Well, I can tell you that Rachel is obviously not gonna run off with someone else.” Hank assured Connor. “She loves you a lot and she’s not the type who goes behind people’s backs about shit like that. If you ever needed to be worried about something like that, you’d be the first to know because she’d outright tell you. She ain’t got the patience for two-faced bullshit like that. So, you ain’t got anything to worry about.”

Connor nodded, Hank’s confidence and experience with Rachel calming Connor’s innermost doubts. “I see.”

“And don’t worry about how she acts around North, okay?” Hank continued. “She’s just weak for a pretty face. You remember her reaction to the android at Kamski’s place? She’s real fuckin’ gay and has a pretty big thing for someone who can kick her ass.”

Connor tilted his head curiously. “I thought she was bisexual.”

“She is.” Hank groaned with increasing exasperation. “But her reaction to girls is different than her reaction to guys. So, she tends to label it that way herself. But the point is, you’ve got nothin’ to worry about, Connor.” He then shrugged. “Plus, you know how she is. She’s a lil’ shit and it’s real entertaining to her to cause a little mayhem. It’s the whole reason some girls like seeing guys get kinda jealous. I personally don’t get it, but who the Hell am I to judge?”

“Noted.” Connor went back to observing Rachel, feeling a lot better. Jealousy was a normal emotion, but it wasn’t rooted in rationality. That was easy information to contend with and Connor’s trust in Rachel far outweighed whatever irrational unpleasant feeling threatened to jeopardize that.

If Hank was confident that their relationship wouldn’t be compromised because of it, Connor trusted him.

With a thunk, the throwing knife landed cleanly on the dart board. Not in the centre, but it wasn’t close to the edges, either. “Huh!” Rachel said, clearly impressed with herself. “Not too bad for my first actual try throwing a knife.” She then turned to the others with a smirk. “Alright, who’s next?”

Markus then stepped forward. “I guess I’ll give it a shot.” He said with a nervous laugh.

North then pressed one of her knives into his hand and pecked his cheek. “Just do it like I showed her.” She assured him.

Rachel then let Markus step in front of her. She backed up and found her place by Connor and didn’t hesitate to take his hand in hers and squeeze it, looking up at him with a sly smile.

With a thunk, Markus’s knife embedded itself into the dart board not quite in the centre, but closer than Rachel’s did. “Not bad.” Rachel said, impressed. “Alright, let’s see if Josh’s got this.”

The black man snickered as North handed him one of her knives and stepped back. “I’m sure it’s not that hard.” He insisted dismissively. Yet, as Josh prepared to make his target, his hands trembled slightly. And after a long moment of waiting with baited breath, he finally threw the knife at the target.

And it landed just on the outer edge.

It was met with snickers from Rachel, North, and Markus, while Josh whipped around, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. “You guys made it look easy!”

“Josh, chill.” Rachel said, waving him off. “We didn’t even do that good. We did decently. Besides, for all of us except for North, this is a first.”

“Exactly.” North assured Josh, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Besides, I wasn’t great at first, either. It took a lot of practice for me to get good at it.”

Rachel nodded. “Right!” She agreed. “It takes practice.”

“Yeah, well.” Hank said, carefully shouldering past the others, taking the knife North offered him. “I can’t do much worse than that.”

Josh then threw up his arms. “Hey!”

“I mean, don’t fucking jynx it, Hank.” Rachel interjected. “Fate is a cruel mistress and she has no Goddamn self-control.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m well aware.” Hank waved her off, throwing an icy glare back at her, to which she only smugly grinned at him. As Connor regarded her for that moment, he noticed what Hank was talking about earlier. She did indeed seem to derive pleasure from the mild annoyance of others. But going through every catalogued memory of her didn’t seem to turn up any sort of malicious intent from her antics. Just...general mischief, it seemed. And the android would be lying if that wasn’t something he found charming about her.

So perhaps Hank was right in that Rachel may be doing all this on purpose to get a rise out of Connor. And begrudgingly, she was succeeding.

The android’s extrospective thoughts were cut off by a dull thunk of another knife. However, instead of being embedded in the dart board, it was instead embedded in the wall below it. And after a moment, stifled snickers followed as everyone else tried not to laugh.

Hank, being his typical irritable self, shrugged with a grumble and shuffled back towards Connor and Rachel. “Yeah, that’s just about what I fuckin’ expected.”

“Don’t beat yourself up, sir.” Markus consoled with a pleasant smile. “I’m sure with enough practice, you’ll get it.”

“Well,” Rachel interjected, “if Hank was able to do a decent job picking up on Connor’s coin tricks as quickly as he did, I’m sure knife throwing won’t be too difficult for him.”

Connor then cocked his head at the both of them curiously. “I didn’t realize that he actually tried them.” He said.

“Oh yeah, after he took it from you on the Stratford Tower, he started trying it himself.” Rachel explained to Connor with a signature cheeky grin. “He actually did pretty decently. Not as gracefully and impressively as you, but he did pick up on it pretty quickly. With enough practice, he might even get as good as you.”

Hank laughed. “Right, whatever you say, kiddo.”

“Hey!” Rachel barked at him, smacking his shoulder. “No put-downs in this household, Hank! In this house, we all love and respect Hank Anderson.”

Connor then smiled at the lieutenant in agreement. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

Hank - Family ^ Hank then gave Connor a playful shove in response. “Yeah, love you too, son.”

Connor couldn’t help but melt a little at the fact that the lieutenant just referred to the android as “son.” Granted, it probably wasn’t literal. After all, humans weren’t keen on their loved ones simply being replaced, as Rachel made quite evident in her insistence that Connor be more mindful of his physical safety.

But even the thought that Hank viewed Connor as a son figure to him made something warm bloom in him. And it was much different than the feeling Rachel gave him when she smiled at Connor. Hank clearly struggled and tormented himself over the loss of Cole. And he blamed androids for his son’s death until now, and when Connor stepped into the lieutenant’s life, all Hank could see was one of the machines that killed Cole.

The idea that Hank saw Connor as family just as much as he saw Rachel was an idea that added just that much more purpose to Connor’s life. A purpose that he was still discovering not only in his newfound deviancy, but in his newly gained freedom.

Something that no one could take from him. Not anymore. Not ever again. And it seemed to Connor that he would have to remind himself of this frequently until he really and truly believed it.

“Hey, Connor!” North then said, breaking through Connor’s reflective thoughts. “You’re up!”

The former deviant hunter glanced back at Rachel before he walked toward North. “Who wants to bet that Connor’s gonna get a perfect bullseye on his first try?”

“Nobody, because you’re probably right.” Hank jested.

Taking the throwing knife from North, Connor couldn’t help but take in her features. From Connor’s perspective, it wasn’t difficult to see how Rachel could become so flustered in her presence. Along with her bold, tough, and brash nature, she was also pleasant on the eyes.

Indeed, North was very pretty. And it seemed that Connor had found something else in common with Rachel. Perhaps, as Hank put it, they both had a weakness for a pretty face.

Diverting his attention from North, Connor made several calculations in rapid succession. From the distance between himself and the bullseye, the weight and centre of gravity of the throwing knife, to the angle of his arm, he took in every detail.

And then, with deadly precision, he threw the knife. And it landed in the dead centre with a sharp thump.

“Called it!” Rachel’s voice chimed from behind him.

Just as much behind him were groans. “Of course he’d get it right in the middle.” Josh remarked in light-hearted frustration. “Figures that CyberLife’s most advanced model would get the bullseye.”

Markus - Friend ^ Connor glanced back at them seeing them all smiling between each other. “Maybe he’s just good with his hands.” Markus added, winking at Connor.

The shudder it sent through Connor was a strange one. And Rachel’s response made Connor realize that it was definitely intentional. “Oh, trust me. He is.” She said with a deliberate tone to her voice.

“Alright, keep it in your pants.” Hank grumbled at them, eliciting a laugh from everyone. But the strangest part was that Connor wasn’t sure who the lieutenant’s exasperated comment was actually directed at.

But now Connor understood Rachel’s reaction to North much better.

North - Friend ^ “If you think that’s impressive, watch this.” The red-haired android said, shouldering past Connor. The detective android stepped back to give her space as immediately, several knives were thrown at the dart board.

And all of them landed in the bullseye, sticking out of the dart board like a morbid bouquet made of steel and threateningly sharp edges.

And it seemed everyone was impressed by her. “Woooooooooah...” Rachel gasped in awe. North then turned to look back at Rachel with a prideful smile on her face. “That was so fucking cool! I’ve actually always wanted to learn how to throw knives because I just always thought it was super neat!”

North then chuckled at her, grabbing her hand gently. “Well, now you know.” She encouraged, and Connor felt that unpleasant prickle in his software again at the blush that formed on her cheeks. “So keep practicing, and maybe you’ll get as good as me.” The android then turned to everyone. “That goes for all of you!”

“Yeah, right.” Josh scoffed at her. “As if any of us can compete with that!”

“Well,” Rachel piped up, “except for Connor, of course.” 

Rachel - Lover ^ Connor gave his partner an appreciative smile.

Her dark eyes then widened with excitement. “Wait! You can catch knives, too. Right?”

North nodded, her eyebrow raised skeptically. “Yes, why?”

“Can you teach me?”

Connor felt another uncomfortable feeling in his abdomen. But it was a different feeling than what he identified as jealousy before. This came from a different place. A place of worry and concern. And this was a feeling he was much more familiar with. The feeling of worrying about something bad happening to Rachel.

Intervene

[Say Nothing]

“Uh, sure.” North accepted sheepishly. “I guess I can teach you. But it’s not as easy to learn as throwing, definitely. And you might end up getting hurt.”

“I think that might be too dangerous, Rachel.” Connor interrupted, stepping close and putting his arm around her. “Perhaps under different circumstances, I’d be more open to the idea, but now hardly seems like a good time.”

Rachel then scoffed at him and brushed his hand off, much to the android’s irritation. “Right, as if throwing knives is any better in ‘these circumstances.’” Connor didn’t appreciate being dismissed so flippantly, especially when it came to her safety. “Besides, I didn’t ask you if you were open to it. Since when did I let you decide shit like that for me, hm?”

Connor stared her down as she turned to fix him in her intense gaze. Her tone held a slight edge of annoyance to it, but it seemed less annoyed and more teasing.

Persist

[Give Up]

But he wouldn’t be swayed by her wiles. “You told me to be more mindful of my physical wellbeing, which I did for you and for Hank.” Connor evenly scolded Rachel. “So I suggest you do the same.”

Another scoff. Another dismissive and flippant scoff in the face of potentially getting herself injured by accident. “I doubt I’m gonna get killed, Connor.” She continued to insist, accompanied by a heavy eye roll. “And besides, what are you? My mom? I don’t take orders from you.”

Scold

Order

Warn

[Give Up]

Connor’s irritation at her brazen attitude was beginning to boil over as his hands clenched, the tension making them shake. “Then you’d better learn to, Detective.”

“Oooooooooh!” The others all said in unison.

“I don’t think you’re gonna win this, Connor.” Hank tried to discourage the android. “She’s the most stubborn girl alive.”

“Mm.” North hummed. “Sounds like I’ve got some competition, then.”

“You and Rachel working together would be quite the sight, I feel like.” Markus remarked, pulling North close to him in Connor’s peripheral vision.

“They’d better watch out, then.” North teased him back.

Josh let out a hasty breath. “Yeah, no kidding.”

Rachel continued staring Connor down, looking up at him as she stood toe-to-toe with him. He had to admit that it was amusing seeing Rachel try to intimidate him despite being so short compared to him. “And what if I don’t, Connor?” She challenged him, the glint in her eyes blazing and scorching. “What exactly are you gonna do about it, hm?”

Diffuse

Threaten

[Give Up]

That was enough for Connor to catch on. If he wasn’t sure before, he was at least 79% sure that her seemingly innocuous teasing behaviour all day was being done deliberately to wind him up. But he wouldn’t get his answer with everyone staring at them. “Why don’t we take this outside, Detective?” He suggested.

Rachel’s eyebrow quirked at him, the smirk on her face only driving Connor more and more towards simply grabbing her and pushing her against a wall to claim her without caring about the others. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to snuff out her smug and flippant attitude and he himself had grown an overwhelming urge to make it known to her that she was his.

She was Connor’s and Connor’s alone, and he wanted her to know that as deeply as possible. He wanted to embed it into her very soul.

“You sound pretty serious, Connor.” Rachel mocked sarcastically before gesturing towards the door with her head. “Let’s take this upstairs.” She then already started walking out of the game room, not even bothering to wait for Connor. “Don’t stop on our account, by the way! I wanna see how good you guys get at this once we get back!”

“Sure thing!” Hank called after them.

Walking up the stairs, Connor followed Rachel dutifully. Throughout the whole day, there was so much excitement rushing through his veins. Connor couldn’t imagine feeling more excited.

But that excitement was very quickly turning into something darker. Something far more primal and possessive. For as much as Rachel was encouraging him to act out and be a delinquent - to “channel his inner bastard,” as it were - she was also igniting something fierce in him. The little ways she’d look at him, lean against something, lean against him in what seemed to be a very deliberate way, or the way she’d talk back at him.

Which irritated Connor, but not in a way he could recognize as genuine anger. Because it wasn’t. It was something very specific he couldn’t identify. Something that made Connor want nothing more than to confine Rachel to a room and ravage her until she didn’t have the strength to talk back at him.

Indeed, it was a sense of wanting to strip her of and make her surrender her sense of pride. Something she had plenty of and was indeed one of Rachel’s many charms.

Following Rachel, he found himself in a lavish bedroom. His eyes fixed on the sway of her hips. This had to be deliberate. She had to be trying to drive his processors crazy on purpose. There was no way she was doing any of this by accident. 

No, Rachel was far too clever for any of this to be an accident. Far too devious. If there was one thing Connor learned about her, it was that her actions were purposeful. She wasn’t someone who took well to her actions or words being misinterpreted. As she turned around to lean against a dresser, she looked at him with lidded, dark, sultry eyes that practically beckoned him closer.

Scold

Warn

Tease

But he wouldn’t let her have the upper hand. Not this time. “I don’t know what you think you’ve been doing, but you’d better watch your attitude, Detective.”

In typical Rachel fashion, she simply scoffed at him, defiance staring back at him. “Whatever could you mean?” She asked coyly, but her tone too was deliberate. She knew exactly what she was doing. “Oh right! You think you can tame me. Now, that’s adorable that you think you can control someone as proud and unrestrained and shameless as me. That’s so cute!”

Irritation flared up in Connor as he stalked closer, taking dangerously slow steps as he stared her down. “I’d advise you to watch your mouth.”

“Or what?” Rachel challenged him, her legs crossed as she stared at him.

Tease

Warn

[Kiss]

Rachel - Lover ^ Connor then chuckled, his lips curled into a knowing smirk. He approached her, grabbing her jaw and running his thumb along her lip. “Or I’ll find a much better use for it.”

Rachel gave him a mocking smile as she stared at him intensely, her dark eyes glittering with unbridled defiance. “Make me, then.”

That was all the permission he needed.

Swiftly turning around to close and then lock the door behind them, Connor briskly walked up to Rachel and pushed her back against the mirror above the dresser, practically bruising her lips with his own as he held her face in a vice grip. The brief surprised gasp and then series of needy moans only made Connor more and more determined. He knew her well enough to know that she was quite the harlot, and after all her teasing earlier, Connor couldn’t even hold himself back.

The moment her hands went up to tangle themselves in his hair, Connor suddenly grabbed Rachel’s left hand and pinned it to the dresser, their hands deskinned and their feelings connected once more. It indeed confirmed his suspicion that this was all deliberate, but what pleased him even more to discover was just how pliant she was and how eager she was to be taken control of like this.

But that wasn’t enough for the android. With his other hand, Connor grabbed her hips roughly and harshly grinded his tightly concealed erection against her clothed heat, causing her to break their kiss and expose her neck. Oh, how amusing it was for her to proclaim how untamable she was, yet she exposed herself so willingly for him.

It was almost too easy.

As he started biting and sucking on her neck, determined to mark her, Connor felt Rachel try to pull her hand away, only for Connor to wrench it and maintain a tight grip on it. “No!” He growled into her ear, grinding into her harder. “I want you to feel what you’ve been doing to me!”

“A-ah!” Was all she could choke out. All she could whimper. “F-fuck - shit!”

Her involuntary curses only made him more and more impatient. He needed release. He needed it badly. But after her little game with him, he knew only once wouldn’t be enough for him, and he could sense that she wouldn’t mind that one bit.

But oh, all the ways he could humble her. All the ways he could further dirty her, control her, drive her insane the way she’d been doing to him. They’d only had sex once, and that was the night Jericho had been attacked. And he had to admit, he was indeed thinking of all the ways he could fuck her into submission all day.

But what to choose? What to start with? What was he most curious to see? After all, half the fun of this were the  sounds and the faces she made. The pure unrestrained bliss and pleasure that she couldn’t hold back because of him.

Vaginal

Digital

Oral

He settled on one method and pulled back, letting go of her and staring at her in the eye with as commanding of a look as he could muster. “Get on your knees in front of me.” Connor ordered.

Rachel swallowed and obeyed immediately, following him off the dresser and kneeling before him, looking up at him expectantly. Connor could barely hold back the thrill of seeing her so easily submit to him. For as much of a self-proclaimed bastard as she was, she did aim to please.

Indeed, she could be a very good girl when given the right incentive.

Connor wasted no time unzipping his fly, gently caressing Rachel’s face with one hand while the other worked to free his aching cock. Her blissed expression and contented hum as she pressed her face further into his hand reminded Connor that this wasn’t just something done without feeling.

No, they loved each other. They loved each other so much. This was a result of trust and of want and nothing less than that.

But the android was growing impatient, so slipping his member out of his boxers, he roughly jerked her face up by her chin and pressed the blue-tinged head against her cheek, smearing pre-cum on it. “Suck.” He ordered.

For a moment, she hesitated, and Connor wondered if perhaps he went too far. “H-hang on.” She relented, swiping her hair out of her face with a hand.

Connor suddenly felt rather awkward and sheepish and paused for a moment. “I’m sorry, Rachel.” He apologized. “Is this too much?”

“No! No, not at all.” Rachel reassured Connor with a smooth honeyed tone to her voice. “It’s just...I don’t have the best gag reflex, so, y’know...keep that in mind.”

Connor nodded, relieved that she wasn’t afraid or uncomfortable. “I understand.” He assured her, stroking her cheek with his thumb. He then got an idea that he hoped would be comforting to her. “Just tap on me once if you want me to go faster, twice if you want me to slow down, and three times if you want me to stop. Got it?”

Rachel - Lover ^ Rachel nodded, seeming to understand. “Got it.”

Letting Rachel set the pace, Connor hissed through his teeth when she grabbed his throbbing member and licked a stripe up it from the hilt to the head. It took all of his willpower not to look away or close his eyes from the sheer pleasure of her swirling her tongue around his head. This felt much different than the feeling of her walls tightening and clenching around him. Connor wasn’t sure if this was better or not, but he certainly enjoyed it.

And his enjoyment only skyrocketed the moment she wrapped her lips around him and sunk onto him, closing her eyes and grabbing Connor’s hips. He wanted so so badly to buck his hips into her mouth. To bunch his hands in her hair and mercilessly fuck her face.

But he didn’t know what her limits were and he wasn’t willing to test them without knowing. After all, her comfort was paramount to his wants when it came to this.

That didn’t change the fact that it was getting increasingly more difficult to hold himself back when she was moaning and sighing into it. “Sh-shit!” He hissed. The vibrations from her voice and her throat were only serving to make Connor more and more impatient. And her facial expressions. He knew what her blissful looks were, but if this was how she looked, pleasuring him, he hoped he looked just as enthusiastic when he was performing cunnilngus on her.

Up and down Rachel bobbed her head, eagerly and expertly sucking him off. Then, seemingly as a test, she took as much of him as humanly possible, stuttering and gagging for a moment once her nose pressed against his naval.

“Fuck!” But then Rachel swallowed around him, and Connor nearly lost his mind then and there, throwing his head back with a loud and rough groan. 

Connor grabbed Rachel’s hair and yanked her off his cock, briefly relishing in the pleasured moan she gave in response, filing that detail for later. Looking down at her, her dark eyes wide with confusion as she stared up at him, his cock twitching in anticipation in front of her lips. The android had to catch his breath, even though he didn’t need to breathe. “Do that again.” He ordered.

Smiling up at him in understanding, Rachel nodded, wrapping her lips around him and taking in a sharp breath before taking in his full member and swallowing around him once more, the sensation making Connor’s sensors nearly fry. Going back to bobbing her head up and down, the pleasant sounds vibrating around him, Rachel glanced up at him, a coy and devilish look in her eyes as she kept eye contact with him. He didn’t even realize just how much he enjoyed that before. But the fact that Rachel was making eye contact with him while she was sucking on him made this experience feel far more intimate.

But Connor wanted more. And he knew that if he didn’t warn her, he might accidentally hurt her. “I-I need to move.” He stuttered, his voice cracking slightly with static. “Are you alright if I do?”

Rather than tap on him, as they had agreed, Rachel instead took his hands and put them on her head, deskinning her left so he could feel what she was feeling.

And he could sense a clear answer. Go ahead, I’m all yours.

That was enough for him.

Setting a moderate and even pace, Connor gripped Rachel’s short brown hair and started to thrust into her mouth, groaning and hissing at it. This was exactly what he needed to satiate his craving. To not only feel her mouth around him, but to use her. And if the obscene sounds she was making were any indication, she did not seem to mind.

Connor did not think he would enjoy the feeling of Rachel gagging on him as much as he did, but by his makers, he really did. He wasn’t even sure why, but he didn’t even want to question it. All he wanted was to lose himself in this feeling, cursing and gasping all the while.

Tap. Tap.

Taking her warning, Connor slowed down. Briefly alarmed that he might’ve hurt her, he glanced down at her. But her eyes were still screwed shut and she was still moaning and swallowing around him contentedly.

He kept his pace, trying to keep his own release at bay. But he wanted to cum. Oh, he wanted to paint Rachel’s darling throat white and he wanted her to swallow all of him. But he needed to work around her needs and her limits.

Tap.

After a few moments of thrusting and wet slicking sounds, Connor felt a singular tap on his leg, and took that as his signal to increase the pace.

As he bucked into her mouth harder and faster, her moaning and whining became louder and more uncontrollable. Her grip on his hips tightened, and Connor’s grip on her hair did the same. So Rachel liked having her hair pulled. That was a fact Connor was going to thoroughly experiment with shortly.

Tap.

But for now, he had to finish this. He was getting close and even Rachel seemed to want him to finish. His thrusts were becoming more and more erratic as he was starting to lose his ability to focus as his release drew near. And he knew exactly how he wanted it. “I want you to take it all, Rachel.” He growled at her from above him, causing her to glance up at him. “I want you to take it and swallow every last drop! I want it all down your fucking throat!”

Rachel responded with an eager gulp and a squeeze at his hips. Connor took that as a signal to wrap this up. Snapping his hips into her mouth at a brutal speed, he timed his last thrust accordingly and buried his cock into the back of her throat as much as he could as he let out the most guttural and feral groan he was sure he’d ever made as he felt her swallow around him, shuddering as he felt himself throb and spurt into her mouth.

He nearly buckled to the ground, having to keep himself steady with a hand on the dresser, as he felt her swallow around his head repeatedly, trying to swallow and take every last stream of his synthetic cum.

After a few moments, certain that he had finished, Connor pulled out roughly, his cock hanging limp as it slid out of Rachel’s mouth, a thread of saliva still connecting them. The moment Connor had slipped out of her mouth, Rachel began sputtering coughs and gripping her throat and Connor wondered for a moment if he had hurt her. But he assured himself that she knew her limits and wasn’t hurt.

But he still wanted to be sure. “Are you alright?” He asked, extending a hand. 

Rachel took his gratefully, wiping her lips and standing up to her feet. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She said between weak half-coughs. She swallowed as she looked at Connor, seemingly impressed with herself. “I just didn’t think I had that in me.”

“But it was good, wasn’t it?” Connor asked, wanting to make sure he was good to her.

“Oh, fuck yeah.” Rachel replied with confidence, smiling in a way that made Connor feel a certain hardness return. “Gotta say, not nearly as bitter as the real thing. I can definitely get behind that.”

Connor made a note that Rachel enjoyed performing fellatio on him for another time. “And you’re sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Rachel assured him, resting her left hand on his cheek. “You did really good.”

The brief rush that her praise sent through him was snuffed out by his still unquenched desire. He gave her a dark smirk that made her eyes go wide. “Good.” Was all he said before he whipped her around so that her back was pressed against his chest and she was pushed against the dresser. “Because I’m not quite finished with you, love.” He purred into her ear, earning quite the delighted and shocked whimper from Rachel. He slipped his other hand between her legs and rubbed her along her clothed sex, making her legs quiver in response. “Such a shame you had to be such a tease to me all day now that you’re being such a good girl for me.”

“A-ah!” Rachel mewled, clutching onto his hand with hers as she trembled and shivered in his touch. The way she arched her back against him as she pressed further into the android’s chest, nuzzling her head into his cheek and gently exposing her neck to him made Connor want to take her right then and there. “C-Connor!” She yelped when he bit into her neck once more and sucked at her tender flesh. “Th-they’ll hear us!”

Connor smiled into her neck, knowing that those were empty words. A warning that was technically true, but he could feel as clear as day her hunger. Oh, she wanted this. She needed this. And she had no shame about any part of this dalliance between them.

Rachel didn’t care that they might be heard from their companions below. In fact, Connor sensed a rather amusing thrill from her at the prospect of potentially being caught in the act. Something that made his processors crackle with intensity at the thought. While he had the better sense not to act on it, there was something extremely alluring and motivating about the thought of being caught by the others as he ravaged her in front of them. Showing them that Rachel was his. Showing them just what a delinquent android was capable of.

That he was no one’s master. That the android had control over the human and that she had no complaints about it. That she willingly submitted to him and his control.

But what was that worth if he didn’t get mutual confirmation that they both wanted this? And that was exactly what he was going to do in the cruelest and most teasing way possible. After all, an eye for an eye, as the saying goes.

[Continue]

[Finish]

It was only fair, after all.

“You say that as though you don’t want them to.” Connor purred into her skin, slipping his hand underneath the fabric and brushing past her clit, causing Rachel to jump with a loud whimper. 

The shiver in her spine and the wave it sent through her was easily felt by the android at being called out so plainly. Oh, the way it sliced through her ego was more than enough for Connor to continue. 

He got a rather devious idea and clamped his right hand over Rachel’s mouth and slid two of his fingers along her sex, very pleased to discover that she was practically dripping for him. His fingers slipped right into her sopping entrance with ease, and he started mercilessly working her into a needy mess. The whimpers that filled the room as he caged her between his elbows was absolute euphoria to him as he worked to completely undo her with only his hand.

But he could feel her still trying to hold back the volume of her pleasure. Indeed, the lionhearted Rachel was still desperately trying to cling onto whatever pride and dignity she had left. A circumstance that Connor was more than eager to change. 

“It’s so cute how you’re still trying to hold back.” He teased into her ear, only increasing the speed and friction of his ministrations. “As if you’re not something of an exhibitionist yourself. Am I correct?”

That sent what felt like a lightning bolt through her as she turned her face away from him, refusing to look Connor in the eye. The way she looked in the mirror directly in front of them, and how completely dominant and powerful Connor looked gave him a rather interesting idea. Moving his hand from her mouth, Connor grabbed Rachel’s jaw harshly and forced her to face the mirror. “Well?” He asked her mockingly as he bucked against her from behind against the dresser, causing her to yelp. “Nothing to say? You’re usually so outspoken.”

“F-fuck you!” She spat at him, but one curl of Connor’s fingers was enough to make Rachel melt into his control as she whimpered. Her legs trembled. Connor knew she was drawing close, but he wanted to drag this out long enough for her resistance to crumble.

He had a goal far larger than simply bringing her to orgasm. No, he wanted to absolutely break her. And all he needed to do was have her begging for him. To have the mighty and headstrong Rachel a pleading shameless mess for Connor.

And he knew just how to do it.

“You are truly captivating, my love.” Connor praised as he continued his ministrations at a painfully teasing and cruel pace. “You have no shame. You are absolutely enjoying every moment of this and you don’t care who hears. You wouldn’t want this to stop until I decided I was finished with you.” He purred, nipping at her soft and delicate ears as she moaned and whined in his grasp. “And yet, you’re still too proud to admit it out loud. Too embarrassed to admit how badly you want me to ruin you or how little you care about getting caught.” 

He slowed the pump of his fingers, angling his palm so that it didn’t slide against her swollen nub. “And as much as I find it endlessly fascinating,” Connor removed his hand from her jaw and fastened it around Rachel’s throat. “I’d like to hear you say it!”

For a moment, Connor feared he was accidentally hurting her, but the sinfully blissful smile on Rachel’s face as her eyelids fluttered encouraged him to finish this. The way her dark brown eyes rolled back in her head and the shudders that coursed through her body made Connor throw all caution to the wind as he dove right back into her sex, wanting nothing more than to wreck her.

As she whimpered and cried out, Connor could practically feel her dignity and pride ooze and slip between his fingers as she pressed into him, losing herself completely. 

“Y-yes!” Rachel managed to cry out between moans and gasps, strained by the hold Connor had on her throat. “Fuck! I want you so bad! I don’t fucking care if all of Detroit hears us! I just want you! I want you to touch me, bite me, mark me, fuck me! Oh God, I want you to fuck me! I want you to fucking wreck me!” Yes! Oh, yes! The growls that erupted from her was exactly what he wanted to hear. “God, please! Please, please, please, please fuck me!” And the way her pleas rolled off her tongue so quickly and rapidly for him made Connor’s own pride swell greatly.

He didn’t think he would enjoy the sounds of begging so much, but by CyberLife, Connor didn’t think he would ever want to hear anything less ever again. It was his own personal symphony. Like a theatre, the others may be able to catch it from outside, but this was a show for him. Only he had the privilege to hear it sung for him.

Planting a soft and tender kiss to the crook of Rachel’s neck, Connor whispered sweetly to his human partner. “As you wish, my lionheart.”

Pistoning his fingers into Rachel and curling them just right, Connor knew she would be cumming soon. And when she did, Connor would really push her limits. She was so resilient and strong, and he wanted to see just how much she could take.

And afterwards? Well, he would take good care of the love of his life. He would make sure she knew how much he cherished and loved her. For everything. For how much she encouraged him. How much she believed in and stood by him. And most importantly, how genuinely she loved and cared about him for who he was. How much she earnestly enjoyed his company and him just being with her.

Disconnecting from Connor, Rachel reached up and gripped Connor by the back of his head as her own slumped against him. “C-Connor!” She cried out. “C-Con - I’m - fuck - I’m gonna -”

“I know, darling.” He hadn’t used such affectionate names, but they seemed to tumble out of him in this moment between them. He barely even noticed it, but upon doing so, there was an underlying softness beneath it all. “Cum for me, dear. I’ve got you.”

Planting tender kisses anywhere his lips could find, Connor cradled her as she shuddered. Her walls clamped around his fingers as a broken whimpering cry tore through the air and ripped out of her lungs, her arms clutching on tightly to Connor as she came.

Gently working her through her orgasm, Rachel was panting, slumping against him, moaning quietly at him. Taking his hand off her throat, Connor instead guided Rachel to lean against the dresser, her hands crossed in front of her with her head resting on them.

Yet as she did so, Connor became painfully aware of his strained erection against her backside. He made a pledge to push her to her limits, and he was curious as to his own. So, taking his hand out from her pants, Connor brought his fingers to his lips and licked them clean, making eye contact with Rachel in the mirror. 

A quick vital scan showed her arousal spike once again. It truly was amusing how easily riled up she could get. Hooking his thumbs into her waistband, Connor slowly slid her pants and her underwear down her legs, exposing her swollen and glistening womanhood to him, Connor feeling his breath get siphoned out of him at the sight of it.

As Connor teasingly slid his cock against her slit, lubricating it with ease, Rachel gave the android an inquisitive side-eye as she moaned at the stimulation. Connor offered her a playful smirk as he ran his hands along her sides. “You did say that my goal today was to do everything Amanda would either simply not want me doing or everything she would hate me doing.” He repeated cheekily. “And she didn’t exactly care for you or your influence on me.”

Rachel snickered at him. “I did say that.” She said with a jovial lilt to her slightly gravelly voice. “It really is a shame I can never meet her. I would certainly have some choice words for her, that’s for sure.”

Connor leaned forward to whisper to her. “Would you like me to leave a message?” He jokingly asked. “I’m sure I can pass it along to her.”

Rachel smirked behind him. “I feel like she’s gotten the message at this point.” 

Connor chuckled at that. “On that, we can agree.”

Feeling his member twitch against her warm and wet entrance, Connor then felt Rachel sway her hips for him. “Are you just going to stare at me?” She asked with a quirk of her eyebrow. “Or are you going to finish what you started?”

[Continue]

[Finish]

Feeling that fire that had been building during this whole scene flare again, Connor swiftly grabbed Rachel and shoved her into the corner of the room, effectively caging her and rolling his hips against her. Tugging her hair and forcing her head to the side, Connor growled into her ear. “The safe word is ‘thirium.’ Got it?”

Rachel - Lover ^ All he got from her was a whimper accompanied by a nod. But that wasn’t good enough for him. Yanking Rachel’s hair again, Connor pressed her further into the corner, squeezing himself against her body. “I didn’t quite hear you.” He snarled as she whimpered helplessly.

“Y-yes, sir!” She yelped. “Understood. I’m all yours, sir!”

His circuits crackled at that as he lined up his head with her entrance. Sir. He repeated inwardly as he let go of her hair, resting his hands on her hips. Connor very much liked the sound of that. There was an air of authority of it. And it was uniquely invigorating to hear addressed to him.

And he was fully intent on using that vigor to completely ruin Rachel.

“Good.” A cruel smile stretched across his lips as Connor leered over her form. “Now, let’s see how many times I can make you cum on my cock alone.”

Objective: Fuck Rachel Into Submission

The only answer was a choked off scream.

--------

Muffled cries. Just what Connor didn’t want to hear. Perhaps in a different situation, he would enjoy the fact that Rachel could barely contain herself, so her only reprise was the muffling of a pillow.

But not this time. He didn’t want her to hold back, and he was fully prepared to snuff out any pride she tried to gain back. Snapping his hips into her on the large lavish bed, Connor wrenched one of his hands from Rachel’s hip and grabbed a fistful of her hair, harshly yanking her face from the pillow. “No!” He snarled into her ear as he leaned forward, his chest grazing her dappled backside. “Don’t you dare hold back! I want to hear you!”

“Y-yes, sir!” She whimpered. Indeed, it seemed that was all Rachel could say anymore, and Connor adored the way it sounded. They had been going at this for a while, and it was clear that she was approaching her limit. But Connor wasn’t done with her yet, but he would be soon.

Her strained screams and mewls were all Connor cared about. But while she obeyed his order not to muffle herself, she still clutched onto the pillow. And that irritated Connor in a way he didn’t understand. “Give me your hands.” He ordered.

Rachel struggled to slide her hands out and maneuver them towards him, and Connor was far too impatient for this. Harshly grabbing them and pulling her up from the bed, Connor snarled viciously into her neck. “I said give me your fucking hands!”

Complying with a hoarse whimper, she put her hands behind her back which allowed Connor the accessibility he needed to clasp a hand around both of her wrists. The fact that Rachel’s wrists were small enough for Connor to be able to maintain a firm grip on both of them with one hand was not lost on the android.

Unlatching his teeth from her flesh, Connor sat back up and brutally pounded into her, forcing her breath out in pitiful squeaks. He could feel her legs shaking and knew she was going to cum for the fourth time. But he had already decided he would get a fifth out of her.

Slipping his other hand between her legs, Connor’s fingers found her swollen and overstimulated nub and gently circled it in contrast to sheer cruelty he was lovingly inflicting on the rest of her body.

His own end was arriving soon, the tightness in his gut feeling as though it would burst. But he didn’t get tired. That was one of the beauties of being an android that they were both blessed to discover in this intimate and sinful moment between them.

It didn’t take long for her to cum as a broken scream followed by a series of gasps told Connor very clearly. As her walls clenched around him for the third time, Connor very quickly followed, that knot in his stomach coming undone as his cock throbbed and pulsated inside Rachel, thick streams of his own semen filling her up once more. If he were concerned about whether anyone else would use this bed, he would pay more mind to the mess that had decorated her thighs, glistening in the cold autumn afternoon light filtering through the window.

But Connor wasn’t finished. Pulling her up so that her back was flush against his chest, Rachel gasped in surprise, her head rolling back against his shoulder as he used the arm that was holding her hands to cage her against him. It amused him thoroughly that she barely had the strength to hold her own head up, but it was a good indicator that this would probably be as much as she could take for now.

It was of no surprise to Connor that she was shaking her head the moment he started pistoning into her again. “C-Connor..." She whined weakly. “I can’t...i-it’s too much.”

For a moment, he faltered. But he was determined to see this through. “Come on, darling.” He soothed her, lovingly stroking her chin with his thumb. “Gotta give me one more. You can use the safe word if you can’t handle it.” He assured her, causing Rachel to open her eyes drowsily at him. Her cheeks were stained with tears from the overstimulation. “Can you handle another?”

Gasping as Connor continued his thrusts up into her, she nodded, rolling her head to the side and closing her eyes. “Okay...okay..."

Pressing tender kisses along the marks the android left in her flesh, Connor picked up the speed of his thrusts. Even her whimpers were quiet and meek. She wouldn’t last very long. With the hand that was caging Rachel against his body, Connor began massaging a breast, gently pinching and rolling the nipple between his fingers as his other hand was working with her clit.

Rachel still flinched and jumped at his touches, but her voice would likely be very hoarse and used by the time this was over. It made Connor sorely regret not bringing a bottle of water for her to drink afterwards. But he would have to make up for it once they returned home.

For now, all he had to do was finish this.

“Cum for me, my love.” He murmured sweetly in his human partner’s ear. “I’ve got you. Don’t worry, just let go.”

It wasn’t as easy or quick or even intense as the first few times, but Rachel tensed with a cracked whimper and arched her back against Connor and he worked on easing her from the high, still chasing his own end. Softly caressing her curves and placing tender kisses wherever Connor could reach, he purred into her ear. “You’ve done so good for me, dear.” He praised, seeing her smiling at him in his peripheral vision. “Just hold on, I’m almost there.”

All she could do was weakly nod as Connor’s thrusts became more and more erratic, another familiar knot forming in his abdomen as he reached closer and closer to his nirvana. Panting and huffing in her ear like a dog in breeding season, Connor didn’t take long to cum as well, burying himself as deeply into Rachel as he could with a strained staticky groan. 

Still pumping into Rachel, Connor gently laid Rachel down onto the bed, making sure her head was nestled on the pillow. He released her hands and moved them so that she could position her head the way that felt most comfortable to her. 

After being sure that he was finished, Connor slid out of her, their combined fluids staining and dripping down onto the hardwood floors. Straightening his tie, Connor brought a hand down to his member and approached Rachel. Her dark brown eyes fluttered open as he approached. She was still breathing heavily and Connor bent down and kissed her temple. “Such a good girl.” He praised her, pleased at the contented hum and tender smile it earned. “Would you do me a favour and clean me up?”

Rachel - Lover ^ She smirked up at him, still breathing heavily. “Only if you return the favour.” Rachel bargained with him, wiggling her legs a bit. “But...after my legs start working again, please.”

“Of course.” Connor agreed, smiling affectionately at his partner. Even though he couldn’t get enough of the soft bliss that Rachel was a pristine picture of, part of him still wanted to tease her. “Though, we shouldn’t keep our friends waiting for too long. Now shouldn’t we.”

“Oh, fuck you.” She spat at him. 

Connor couldn’t help but feel happy that he hadn’t completely extinguished her eternal flame. He would find himself extremely disappointed if she had forever lost her sense of pride and defiance. “Again?” He asked her, teasing, tilting her chin up to face him. “You truly are insatiable.”

“You know what I meant, you smug bastard.” Rachel huffed, too tired to show any actual aggression towards him.

Connor chuckled a bit at her. “Even after having your pride quite literally fucked out of you, you still have bite in you.” He remarked, pleased to see her characteristic smirk. “How interesting.”

She scoffed at him. “You say that as though it’s not one of my most charming qualities.” And certainly no lack of an abundance of self-assurance.

Rachel - Lover ^ Another quality Connor couldn’t help but admire as he bent down to plant a firm kiss on her lips. “I would never say that.” He agreed, standing back on his feet. He angled his still soaked and wet cock in front of her expectantly. “Don’t keep me waiting.”

It was an order, but a gentle one. It was clear that Rachel was spent after five orgasms, and it would be unwise to continue to be ruthless after that. But she nevertheless responded, using her hands to angle his member wherever she needed to. Connor had to bite back a hiss as she licked several stripes up his shaft, making sure to catch as much as possible. It was evidently clear when she was moving her lips and her tongue all around him that she was intent on being thorough.

Her eyes were closed in contentment, a coy smile on her lips as she licked the last of their shared cum off him. But like the tease that she was, Rachel ran her tongue around his tip, suckling on it just a bit before she pulled back, a string of saliva still connecting them. Opening her eyes to look up at Connor, she placed a chaste kiss on the tip of his dick and then began tucking it back into his boxers and zipping up his fly.

It had only just occurred to Connor that while Rachel had stripped completely for him, Connor didn’t even bother to remove his tie. An observation that pleased him in a way he didn’t quite understand.

Doing his belt back up, Connor walked towards the mirror above the dresser, straightening his tie and making sure his hair was neatly done before he finished with Rachel. “Aren’t you...gonna return the favour?” She asked distantly from the bed.

As Connor walked around, collecting each article of clothing that belonged to her, he glanced over at her. “Impatient, are we?” He asked teasingly.

“A bit, I suppose.” Rachel replied, glancing over at him from over her shoulder, her dark brown eyes beckoning him closer. “After all, it’s only a courtesy. You could’ve at least left less of a mess of me. Or left me able to walk or stand up straight at the least.”

As Connor laid her clothes on the bed behind her, the android circled around to face her. “You say that as though you didn’t enjoy every moment of that. As if you’re not proud of the copious mess that’s slicking between your thighs right now.” He mocked as Rachel sat up, looking down at him as he kneeled before her. “And besides, we agreed on a safe word and I’ve reminded you about it repeatedly.”

“I realize this, but shh.” Rachel shushed Connor, looking away from him. Situating himself between her thighs as he neared himself to the left side. He waited for her to glance down at him and gave her a devilish smirk accompanied by a raise of an eyebrow. Rachel rolled her eyes at him as she gave him a genuine smile. “But yes, I really enjoyed that. Dominance really fucking works for you, Connor.”

Rachel - Lover ^ Connor started licking away the mess he’d made of her, pausing between kisses and licks to talk. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.” He said in earnest as he neared closer and closer to her swollen and slick flesh, brushing past it to clean up her right side, amused at the small whine Rachel made. “In any case, we shouldn’t keep our friends waiting for too long.” He reminded her, smirking against the soft plumpness of her thigh. “After all, I’m eagerly looking forward to watching you try to explain yourself.”

Her eyes then widened in comical realization as she then narrowed them at Connor. “You motherfucker!” Rachel exclaimed.

But all it took was a hard press of his tongue up her slit to quiet Rachel’s complaints, Connor dragging a low and pleasant moan out of her as he lapped up and sucked on her. He paused to look up at her, smiling. “Think you can handle one more?”

Rachel’s eyes darted back and forth, squinting as her thick brows bunched together in contemplation. Once her rich mahogany eyes landed on Connor’s, her lips softened into a blissful smile, Rachel reaching out with her hand to stroke his cheek tenderly. She then threw herself back on the bed with a sigh, hooking her legs over his shoulder. “Alright.” She breathed. “One more, and then we go.”

Pleased with her answer, Connor dove into Rachel as though she was the most lavish and exquisite delicacy known to all mankind. And he would not be satisfied until she was.

--------

Date: November 14th, 2038  Time: 5:38 PM Rachel - Lover Objective: Check in with Rachel

Arriving back at Rachel’s home, Connor immediately went towards the kitchen, taking his shoes off and greeting Bear at the door. “I’ll go ahead and take him out.” Rachel said hastily before Connor stopped her.

“You should rest.” He insisted. “After all, you’re still fairly exhausted and I wouldn’t want you to overexert yourself.”

“And whose fault was that?” Rachel asked with a scoff and a knowing look.

“Yours.” Connor responded smartly. “After all, you were the one who deliberately and knowingly teased me all day in front of everyone and then didn’t even try to stop me once we were alone.”

Pursing her lips, the human woman seemed to accept defeat, letting out a begrudging sigh. “Whatever, I’ve still got my shoes on, so I’ll do it anyway.” She said, grabbing the leash from the hallway and getting the harness on the large black dog, whose tail was wagging back and forth excitedly. “Come on, boy. I’ll take you out now.”

She was out the door, so Connor thought the next best thing to do for her would be to at least get her a glass of water to hydrate her.

Admittedly, it was very fun to watch Rachel flounder to explain herself once they left the bedroom, which Connor then realized smelled overwhelmingly like sex once he emerged back into the cold crisp air of the rest of the house. The others were waiting downstairs, doing whatever they felt like getting up to without the pair, and the first to notice their return was Hank, of course.

“There you are, you fuckers!” The lieutenant groaned in response, drawing the attention of the androids, North giving them a very pointed look. “You’ve been gone for like an hour. What the fuck were you doing?”

Watching Rachel’s eyes dart back and forth as she tried to come up with a convincing lie to tell Hank was quite amusing. And even more entertaining was the lie Rachel ended up telling. “Well, we talked for a little bit, and since Connor was so worried about my physical well-being, we did some...uh, training!”

It was admittedly quite humorous to see the skeptical look on the lieutenant’s face, but seemingly he’d rather not ask further questions out of disgust at the potential details of what they were actually doing.

And afterwards, Hank gave the pair a ride back to Rachel’s home, parting ways with the androids of Jericho, before going home himself, exhausted from all the activities. But not before Connor got a very pointed telepathic message from North. You do realize I used to be a sex android, right? Next time, pick a more discreet location to be perverts and teach Rachel to be a better liar.

Connor simply gave her a polite smile as he left. I’ll do my best.

But now, as he waited in the dining room with a glass of water ready for Rachel to drink, he was left alone with his thoughts for the first time all day since this morning. And Connor’s feelings were...good. He enjoyed the time he spent, with Rachel and Hank. He was growing accustomed to simply spending the time with them outside of work. And now that they didn’t have to worry about any urgent situations or circumstances, it was easy to be at peace.

And being able to spend time with Markus, North, and Josh made Connor feel more at peace about himself as well. It was a huge weight off his shoulders to know that they didn’t think ill of him despite everything and that they considered him an equal. He began to regard them as close friends and he had a feeling that their friendship would only grow.

But despite everything and the effort Rachel put in to make Connor feel more at ease and in control of himself, which did work. He felt better about himself and about his programming now than he did this morning.

But there was still that doubt. That small voice in the back of his mind in his processors that still whispered disparaging and discouraging affirmations to him. Words that coiled around Connor’s confidence in a chokehold.

His nightmare was fresh in his mind, still. Although he was more comfortable knowing that that’s all it was, there were still things from it that unsettled Connor to his core. And indeed, when he thought back on today in the context of the fear his nightmare instilled in him, Connor realized something.

He was afraid of losing control. At any moment, he could’ve hurt Rachel. At any moment, Amanda could’ve taken control and forced him to do something horrible to her. It was an irrational fear, but a prevalent one. But it wasn’t just that, either.

He was also afraid of giving up control. Because he saw what Rachel was capable of when she killed Sixty. It was gruesome and it was terrifying, but it was also alluring in a disturbing way. And despite understanding that it was simply an unorthodox method of attack and that Rachel was only protecting Connor, there was no doubt that there was something paralyzing about the thought of letting Rachel have that control. Because he essentially had to watch Rachel kill a lookalike of Connor in a way that was inhuman.

And he couldn’t help but put himself in that position and feel an uncomfortable pit in his stomach at the thought of it. Even though he knew Rachel would never hurt him, not on purpose, he couldn’t shake that thought or that fear away.

But he didn’t have long to ruminate on these thoughts before Rachel returned, Bear huffing with snow on his paws and on his belly, and shaking melting water droplets everywhere. His eyes landed on her as she undid the harness on the large dog and started drying him with a nearby towel before letting him run back into the house. Connor couldn’t stifle the smile at how the dog immediately ran to grab a toy to play with and teethe.

As Rachel approached Connor with a smile, the android held out the glass of water to her, of which she accepted appreciatively. “Thanks.” She said, having a seat and taking a long sip from the glass. Setting the glass down, she slumped against the table with a long sigh. “I could nap right now.” She groaned, gently grabbing Connor’s hand and stroking her thumb along his knuckles. “But it was a good day, right?”

Sincere

Indifferent

Nightmare

Rachel - Lover ^ “It was.” Connor agreed, offering her a smile as he looked down at her.

Now that they were in the quiet of her home between them, he felt more at ease. Yet, as Rachel looked at him, her brows then quickly furrowed at him as she examined his face. “You okay?” She asked him. “You have that look. That ‘something’s bothering me, but I don’t wanna burden anyone else with my problems’ look.”

As Connor looked into her rich brown eyes, he let himself chuckle a bit. “Nothing escapes you, does it?” He asked somewhat rhetorically.

“I’ve seen that look enough times to recognize it at a glance.” Rachel informed him, interlacing her fingers with his and bringing his hand to her lips, placing a soft kiss on his knuckles. “So, what’s up?”

Connor thought for a moment what he should tell her before she answered for him. “You’re still thinking about it, aren’t you.” Rachel presumed. “Your nightmare.”

Truth

Lie

The android nodded forlornly.

Rachel sighed. “That’s okay.” She relented, giving him a bittersweet smile. “I knew your problems weren’t gonna just go away after one day. And it’s totally normal to still feel thrown off by it. It’s...just gonna be like that for a while.” She then leaned against him, and Connor did the same, pressing his cheek into her forehead. “But did today help you feel better, at least?”

Yes

No

Rachel - Lover ^ “It did.” Connor replied in earnest, kissing her forehead.

“Good.” Rachel said appreciatively, resting her head in the crook of his neck before speaking again. “So...did you wanna talk about it?”

Connor thought again back to the nightmare. What exactly did he want to tell her about it? How he was fearful of giving up control? How he was afraid of losing control and hurting her as a result? How he was afraid that she might deem him as a threat and hurt him?

[No]

[Yes]

Perhaps it was better to be honest with her. After all, she gave him the freedom to reject her offer and discuss it another time. But perhaps she could give him some necessary insight into his fears like she did when he was first awoken from it.

Connor nodded and pulled away from her, still grasping her hand. Her patient brown eyes were locked on his, a small appreciative smile on her lips. Looking at her sweet face melted the cold and fearful parts of the android and made him feel more comfortable in this moment of vulnerability.

“Seeing Amanda in my nightmare...made me realize just what my worst fears are.” He began to explain to Rachel. “I think the reason I saw her at all...was because of what happened that night, when we won the revolution. When...Amanda took control of me.”

Rachel nodded in acknowledgement. “Right, that would make sense.”

At least she was able to. “It made me realize just how easily I could’ve lost everything I had gained.” Connor confessed. “In the blink of an eye, everything I loved and cared about was going to be ripped away from me, and there was nothing I could do. Until I realized I could escape. But what would’ve happened if Kamski hadn’t warned me about the emergency exit? I...I would’ve lost everything.” Connor then registered the fear and anguish in his human companion’s eyes. “I would’ve lost you.”

Rachel then gave him a painful smile. “But you didn’t.” She reminded him firmly. “You escaped, and I’m still here. And so are you.”

To hear her reaffirm that was helpful and made Connor feel more secure in himself. “But I’m still afraid.” He admitted, a small twinge of shame in his voice. “I’m afraid of it happening again. I’m afraid of Amanda taking control of me and...making me hurt you.” He finally managed to choke out. “And I’m afraid of losing control. It’s...it’s why I was so rough with you earlier. It felt good to have that control. It made me feel more secure. But...I was still afraid even then.”

“Hey, that’s okay.” Rachel said, stopping him before he could spiral. “If I didn’t want you to, I would’ve stopped you. You gave me a safe word and I didn’t feel like I needed to use it at any point, Connor. Because I trust you. I trust that you would never hurt me and that Amanda’s truly gone, now.” 

He knew she meant that. Connor knew that Rachel meant that completely and wholeheartedly. And her unshakable faith in him quieted some of his doubts. 

And if she trusted him so completely...perhaps he should do the same. “I’m also afraid of giving up that control.” Connor continued. “I’m afraid of not having it. That not being in control would just make me the same as I once was. An object. Something to use and control.”

“Believe me, I understand that feeling painfully.” Rachel empathized, her gaze intense, an edge of venom to it. Connor tried to grasp for the reason and found it. Luis. The man who had abused her as a teenager. “But there’s a key difference between control being taken from you, or being made or raised to obey and nothing else, and willingly relinquishing that control temporarily.” She explained. “Giving up control willingly doesn’t make you weak or less of a person. Because it’s still a choice you get to make for yourself. A choice you can take back whenever you wish. And you can choose who you give that control to. You can choose who you trust enough to have control over you until you decide you want it back. And you’re no less of your own person or independent because of it.”

To hear those words spoken to Connor from a position like Rachel’s was vindicating. He wasn’t wrong to be afraid or to be wary. But that he could overcome it and choose what he wanted to do with himself and his life and position. And as long as it was his choice, he was always his own person.

Connor felt his eyelids grow tight as he leaned forward, resting his head against Rachel’s, feeling cool tears slide down his cheeks. “Thank you..." He breathed softly to her.

“Of course.” Rachel replied tenderly, stroking his cheek with her other hand. “I’ve always got you, Connor. And I’ll be here for you every step of the way, no matter how tough or ugly it gets. No matter what happens, I’m here. Whatever you need, I’m here to help.”

“I know.” Connor replied, smiling. “And I’m so thankful to have you in my life.”

“And I, you.” Rachel leaned forward and pressed her lips against Connor’s softly, her touch as tender and light as silk sheets. The android happily returned the gesture, but with as much sweetness and gentleness as she displayed herself. 

Pulling back, there was a niggling thought in his head that he wanted to share with Rachel. A proposition of sorts he wanted her opinion on. “Can I ask you something?”

Rachel laughed sweetly at him. “Always, Connor.”

Amanda

Control

Jericho

Sixty

The android suddenly felt small, dwarfed in spirit in her presence. Swallowing his pride, he let his feelings be known. “You know...how I asserted my dominance over you earlier?” He reminded Rachel. “In the bedroom of the house?”

“I recall, yes.” She replied somewhat playfully.

Connor avoided her gaze, turning his head away slightly. “Would..." His voice caught in his throat as he tried to voice his honest feelings. “Would...it be too much to ask if you did the same?”

Rachel seemed taken aback by his request, but all Connor could see in her eyes when he looked back at her was pure concern. “Are you sure?” She asked him, her brows knitted together.

Connor nodded timidly. “Y-yes.” He stammered out. “It’s just that...hearing you say how much you trust me when I had control over you made me think that...perhaps I can move past my fears if I trust you to have control over me.” He felt so shameful. “I-I wouldn’t ask you if I didn’t trust you.”

Rachel nodded, taking in his request. “I see your logic.” She agreed, detaching her hand from his and cupping his other cheek with it so she was forcing him to look at her. “But...are you sure you’re ready? I’d be glad to, don’t get me wrong. But...I don’t wanna push you if you’re not ready. We don’t have to do it right away, we can take as long as you need to.”

Connor wasn’t sure how to answer her. He did want to, he really did. There was no one else he could trust to do it. But he did feel an apprehension to the thought. A certain prickly and paralyzing feeling was forming in his abdomen at the thought of relinquishing control. “I..." He struggled to answer her, but she then interfaced with him, then, and Connor felt much more secure and safe. Much less anxious.

Rachel then shook her head as she leaned against him with a sigh. “You’re not ready, yet.” She decided. “I can tell. I can feel it. But I want you to be able to tell me. I want you to be able to tell me no.”

Yes

No

Connor knew she meant that. There was nothing but patience and understanding that he could feel on her end. All she really cared about was his safety and wellbeing and she would never dare compromise that. “You’re right.” He admitted, feeling much more confident in himself. “I’m...not ready.”

Rachel - Lover ^ Rachel let out a sigh and let go of Connor, leaning into his chest. “Good.” Was all she said in response. “You’re allowed not to be. It’s okay not to be. Whenever you do feel ready, I will be. But you get to decide when that is, got it?”

Connor wrapped his arms around Rachel with a relaxed sigh. “Got it.”

For a while, the pair just stayed there in each other’s arms, taking complete comfort in each other. Connor couldn’t imagine having this level of complete security and comfort with anyone else. Indeed, Rachel was his home. His rock. His safe place. And she made sure he knew that, no matter how many times she would have to remind him.

After a good while, Rachel separated from Connor with an exhausted groan. “I am pretty beat, though.” She said with a good long stretch, the clear sounds of her back cracking making Connor want to cringe out of sympathy for her. “How about we just spend the rest of the day relaxing on the couch, hm? Maybe watch a movie or two?”

Connor smiled, getting up from the table and following her to the television. “Sure.” He replied eagerly. “What did you have in mind?”

“A movie I really liked as a kid that I think you will.” Rachel explained vaguely before she turned around and pointed at him. “But again, you’re not allowed to look up anything about it! It ruins the fun!”

Connor followed her and sat down next to her, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. “I would never.” He teased her. “I’d hate to be unpleasant.”

“You big squish.” Rachel cooed affectionately at him, already getting in position with the remote in her hand. “It’s called Wall-E. It’s an animated movie from when I was a kid about two robots falling in love in a post-apocalyptic Earth where trash has sort of accumulated, leaving the planet uninhabitable.” She then flashed him an excited grin that Connor couldn’t help but adore. “I think you’ll really like it.”

---------------------------------

Next Chapter

[sweetobseesion]

ABOUT YEONHWA

•This is a very long post that can be considered a rant ,but I use valid points that sound valid to me .And yes, I hate her for reasons I’ll discuss below.

We all love a independent , strong female lead don’t we?  Especially, a woman who is strong, intelligent female charector in Historical Saeguks, who doesn’t rely on men for support and ruthlessly cry over them.

I have to admit, when I first came across Yeonhwa I was,thrilled. She was completely enchanting on screen, with her looks , posture and aura. Her hatred for Hae Soo didnt put me off so much. But slowly and surely, she started ticking me off as the drama progressed. While we saw many charecters like Soo and So evolve, but we saw her evolve backwards, as in she became far less likable as the episodes progress.

At first when we are introduced to her in her robes with a string of sevants at her beck, we are not denied of her sneaky , smug personality. In fact, the first thing Soo notices was how she likes to put people down in a roundabout way, and her crooked smile and expresion. Which is a very accurate depiction of her personality.

At the very first episode, we see her immaculate manipulation skills as she basicallly manipulates Soo into mixing the glue on her own accord.

I was still rooting for her though, and I was willing to give her the benefit of doubt, as she seemed to genuinely care about her family and So. I very much believed her stance of pushing her brother to get into a stronger political marraige to protect her family and that she had genuine affection for her brothers and their lives, when they tried to get Soo out of a political marraige.

It’s obvious from the first episodes that she and Soo don’t get along. Especially in episode four she clearly gets a rise out of whipping Soo. The actress mentioned there was a reason why she hated her long that wasn’t shown but I think her deep resentment comes from Hae Soo refusing to show respect and easily obey her in the first episodes.That’s why she is so pissed at her.

For Yeonhwa, status and reputation are the most important.Especially after her exile , she works very hard at presenting this sweet, poslished image of herself to the world.She is happy when Soo is about to be married off,but she is pissed when she learns it’s her father. Why? Because that would mean Soo would surpass her in social status and to Yeonhwa nothing more is nightmarish than treating Soo as her equal.

All that pretence came crashing down in episode seven, where her true manipulative nature and motive is revealed. I have to give it to her because boy did she really own this episode. We first see her encouraging her brother to be King while playing the sweet, caring sister. Smiling sweetly and stating to him that she will not mind if she is even sold off, stating she will only marry someone who will help him become King.

Earlier , we see her play the perfect daughter to the King, smiling sweetly, saying pretty much what she said to Wook, that she does not mind being married off, but in a different fashion that shows she trusts and loves her father. We see her try hard to fix her face from showing her true ambition, and saying the right things that only bring him joy.

This sets her on her mission for pretty much the entire drama. Whether it’s marrying one of the princes or being a sister, she only wants to align herself and remain family with whoever eventually sists on the throne.  She wants to be Royalty, for life.

There is no need for love for her, in her mind there is only ambition and power.

In episode seven, we see her play the sweet sister all over again,but this time to gain the sympathy of her brothers, as she arranges a brithday party for Eun, where she announces the King’s decision to marry her off to incite sympathy and action from them.

This is where her hypocrisy is defined at it’s finest. Because she judged for Soo for getting help from the princes so hard and now she is pretty much expecting the same. And it’s all fine on her part because they are Royalty.

She does get the attention she wanted as Yo offers his hand in marraige,but she sets her eyes on So, in whom she sees great potential but admits needs more power and polishing. As she admittedly stated that she wanted to tame him in an earlier episode.

I think she sees in So a potential to be King,but she also sees in him a potential to be controlled, and that is why she chases him. I think she is very aware of his capacity and true, kind nature and that is why she concludes this.

I guess she wants all the recognition for turning a wild prince into a powerful , capable King.

But the thing is, she is a very skilled liar and her loyalties lie all over the place. She pushes her brother to be king, but she also keeps Yo on his toes without rejecting him completely while she chases So, offering him the power that she is pushing her brother to chase. She very much enjoys people fighting over her as it makes her feel powerful, as clearly shown in her expressions in episode five.

She accuses Soo of playing with people’s emotions and betraying her brother, but she does the exact same thing. Intentionally. As early as episode seven.

I think she hates Soo because she easily won the affection and loyalties of the princes without making an effort ,is easily favoured by them, and is protected by all of them. And she does so without having the ettiquette, understanding of the palace nor does she have the position, but she is easily given all the privilleges, even being allowed to be a part of a royal birthday celebration.She’s a contradiction to every thing she ever learnt and she captures the hearts of two of the men she cares for.

So when Soo manages to get the interest of So, she immediately loses the hold she has over him and silently watches in scathing jealousy as both So and the Princes become completely enthralled by Soo’s performance. She doesn’t understand her and she only sees her as the threat.

We see her continue to put Soo in her place and her hatred and her vengence to have her removed festers in episode nine, when her brother is so willing to give up everything and move to their hometown to settle down with Soo.

Yeonhwa has this clear pretense she uses, playing the victim and having justifiable resons. She cities the reason of protecting their clan and constantly brings up what Queen Yoo did to them. But she contradicts her own grudge, by teaming up with the same person who is responsible for their exile to get what she wants.

I think this makes it clear what her loyalties and priorities lay, she will team with her mother’s enemy and even her own, if that enemy can provide her with the assistance that her family refuses to provide.

So she teams up with Yoo to poison the Crown Prince , while secretly arranging to eliminate Soo at once. I think this is her another tactic,to place a card on the table while hiding one under her sleeve.

When her plan goes awry, she is shocked that the man she has her eyes on will drink the poison for the woman she hates. So she pretends to drink the poison, pretty much imitates So and falls and gets the Queen to expose it, as she weakly states to get help for So. Brilliant execution,on her part.

Most say this expresses her love for him, while I say this exposes her brilliant, conniving mind, and the ability to play the perfect, self-sacrificing women in society’s eyes.She does it mainly because it will be a waste of all her efforts,whether its the scheming or pushing both her brother and So to be King at once.

But Soo escapes execution, but this does get her brother to finally act on her wishes and break up with Soo, and she is delighted. 

She also uses and throws away people, and she tactfully does this with Queen Yoo. And she also places the blame on Queen Yoo for Court lady Oh’s death, which logically the blood really is on her hands, as it was the result of her efforts to have Soo framed. Again, playing with guilt and emotions. Showing no remorse or responsibility.

Her brother, pretty much grows cold and distant,as he now hates her for what she did to his relationship and is willing to offer her up as collateral in order for his bid for the throne. I don’t support him, but he is pretty much stating what she promised him episode seven. She still rejects Yo, as she doesn’t want to be just one of his wives, and approaches So, offering him marraige.

And she finally states and reveals her true colors to him. Finally stating that she was lacking something, despite all the love and privilleges, and finally realised that power was what she needed, when in exile.

She still plays her card as a innocent women perfectly, stating she has loved him for long and is destined to be with him and hence, marraige.

We all know she is doing this to escape being collateral, and will immediately push him to be king if he agreed.

But he doesn’t so she sticks to her brother, encourages him to fake a decree and use the oppertunity to become King.

Feels no sadness when her father dies, silently vows she will reach the very ambition that he didn’t want her to have.

But still she isn’t compeletly loyal to her brother, as she literally offers So her power and the oppertunity to be King while blocking the roads for her brother.I was pretty sure she would’ve been moved if So said he wanted to be King to claim her heart instead of Soo’s. But he doesn’t, so she blocks his path.

In episode fifteen, we see the full extent of her personality, namely her very flaws. We see how hypocrytical, shallow, vain and foolish she really is , while reminding us that she is still very much the person who has mastered the art of the double game. 

We see her get shocked at Wook’s confession, while he’s literally out here carrying the same act that she planned years ago : Poisoning Mu.

We still see her foolishly still have hopes of being Yo’s queen, as she silently hints at the ring he gave her years ago. This was her most foolish moment, as it showed how little she understood or had humanity. I don’t know what caused her to conclude that Yo would still harbor affection for her and take her as his Queen , after she rejected him, humiliated him and betrayed him. In her mind, she foolishly thinks people will accept, love and praise her if she offers them power, but what she doesn’t realise is people act around her that way because they have to, there’s nothing true or genuine about thier motives, and they usually want something from her.Like she wants something from them.

Yo puts her in her place and informs her that she will be sent to Khitan, and we finally get to see her break. She’s very alone in this and this is very much the result of her reckless, misplaced loyalties and scheming.

She goes to Soo to manipulate her into taking her place and to make her give up on So, but Soo refuses and she states the most punchable line of hers yet.

“Now I know why I always hated you. For you, feelings and marriage are just silly games. They aren’t life and death like they are for me.” 

It’s very much a punchable line because it shows how shallow and irresponsible she really is. She ended up where she is because of her own devious, reckless actions but she blames this woman who’s been minding her own buisness and places the blame on her while seeing herself as the victim. 

She is a Princess with a family and it’s not only her who marries to elevate. It’s every woman’s duty to marry well and protect their family in Goryeo.Even Hae Soo ends up marrying for survival,just like she escaped it .She has more pressure becuase well, she is a Princess and it’s her duty. Every Royal family member married someone they did not like because,well responsibility.But she can’t accept it because it’s literally her one disadvantage and she uses it to play victim. Again.Soo’s perception only differs because its quite modern.

She promises she will make Soo regret it, and she plays the double game perfectly. She offers the whereabouts of a wanted Prince to the King in exchange for stopping her marraige, and since the whereabouts happened to b Soo’s quarters, she reveals it So as well, hoping to break off their relationship as she smiles smugly.

She knows very well, that the infomation is going get the prince killed. And the Prince is a brother she grew up with, who is being framed but she is happy that the information is breaking off a relationship she hated.

So leaves the palace for a while and she supports her brother, but she and her mother are quick to switch her loyalty to So when he satges a coup and becomes King.

She then pressures her brother who she used to push to be King, to get his help to now push her to be Queen. And,she succeeds.And still foolishly assumes she has won, as she sits triumphantly on the throne.It’s the night of the consummation,and she is still so naive and foolish,thinking this marriage and power is going to help her win the heart of the man she wanted. While him,the King was being forced into it and to break the heart of the woman he loves. She looks at him expectantly and he just walks away. So she continues her political diplomacy and tells him to get rid of Hae Soo,as she is a “risk”and he basically puts her in her place,telling her to be satisfied with being Queen.

This where we finally get to see her cry,and we don’t feel for her at all. She is sad but not deveasted and it shows how naive she really is . Because all I see is a girl crying,not a broken hearted woman. I guess that’s all she was deep down, a little girl with thirst for power, whose ambitions were nurtured due to her spoiled upbringing, who by her admission, had a brother that never said no to her since she was young.

She doesn’t give up easily ,and she sets off to get the King’s trust and break his relationship with Soo. But the King ignores her and she waits until their relationship is Rocky to seduce him,and she tries to trick him by pretending to be Soo.

This is where in my opinion, I truly understood how her mind works.She is a woman of her times ,yes but she is not exactly a original thinker or a broad minded person. She listens,watches and learns from the scheming woman around her and lusts after power and things that are far from her reach. She is smart but not wise, as trying to trick the King into sleeping with her only exposes her devious ways,makes her look untrustworthy. The thing is for all the times people praise her for her intelligence, they forget that she has born and raised to be that way. Her schemes and plans are meticulous because besides seeing them, she also has nothing but time to carefully think and plan her plots, since she doesn’t have to work nor does she have responsibilitiy like her brothers. I think the drama, did a very good job in aligning her with Yo in earlier episodes.Like Yo,she has the appearances and qualities of the Perfect Royalty,but what they both truly lack is tact,understanding of their true responsibility and original and innovative thinking. They are both not adept at handling pressure and easily break when things don’t go their way. The only difference is Yeonhwa knows how to hide it better.She is corrupt, narrow minded and the definition of wasted beauty and brains,because there is no point in having it all if your priorities and perceptions are fucked up. She doesn’t even want to be a human, she wants to be “ a God above the King”.

The King is furious but this time he sees right through her, and gets her right where it hurts: power. He makes a deal to consummate their marriage and make their child a Crown Prince but in exchange she has to throw away their family and she does , in a heartbeat.

So the King frames her brother and plans to execute him,she doesn’t bat an eye. Her mother approaches her and she basically puts her in her place stating that she is the Queen now and that she has far more things to be concerned about than her brother’s crimes. And her mother is shocked and there is no end to her arrogance.

That is power to Yeonhwa: the need to feel important,powerful,superior and control others and watch as people bow down to her. Everything comes down to her and she has no consideration for anything beyond her. That is why she deserves to be put in her place, as it’s dangerous putting absolute power in her hands, as it’s similar to putting a favourite a toy in a child’s hands. One can only watch as she plays with it until it breaks.

Her brother gets exiled and she still isn’t satisfied and she can’t digest the fact that she has to make sacrifices and get judged while Soo gets all the love. She walks in and as per usual ,places the blame on Soo while saying the most despicable line yet.

“You ruined everything,yet you shamelessly still live?” 

An apt sentence applicable to herself, I’ve always chuckled at how much the things she says to Soo to degrade her are more applicable to her than anyone else.

As she wishes,Soo leaves and dies.But the King doesn’t trust her and doesn’t give her the chance to get involved in politics and she spends her days begging him to visit her and her children. But he’s colder than ever.

The thing about Yeonhwa is ,she has agency and is smart,but she is far from empowering.She props the very system that subjugates her as she only seeks to reap the maximum benefits from it. Her political sense is very narrow ,as it limited to scheming, controlling the clans and elevating herself. The big ambition that she always speaks about cannot be visionary if it doesn’t extend beyond elevating herself. As she would realise later, having the throne won’t make you safe, happy or noteworthy. Because, politics and power is gigantic responsibility more than anything else. This is why Soo unironically ends up having more influence, than her because she sees how the throne affects everyone.We rarely see Yeonhwa understand and express opinions or interests beyond the scheming for power. Authority is making the right desicions , improving the economy, caring for the people ,balancing political and social structure , foreign relations and war tactics.It’s not all power and glory and “ honour and recognition”.This is why sadly, she ends up being a Queen who’s forgotten, despite being the Kings only wife.

I would’ve rooted for her and even accepted her if she showed true,broader understanding of politics and had a true passion for it. But all she has is fascination and obsession.

Powerful Queens throughout history,though hated and slandered at their times, are remembered because they proved to be capable and wise and tended to their responsibility well.No one can deny their ability or legacy,and they mostly sought to uplift their sex during their reign.

Yeonhwa doesn’t care for the responsibility and is very demeaning to her own sex.She usually sees other other women as rivals.Shown through her attitude to Soo or when she asks Yo to divorce his wife.In her mind she is the only capable ,perfect women and other women are below her and she doesn’t bat an eye if they suffer.

Most conclude that Yeonhwa lacks empathy because she was raised in those times. But that’s not true,though you can’t afford love if you’re royalty ,that doesn’t mean you don’t experience it. King Taejo had a love. So,Baek Ah,Eun all experience and show love. Is it just because she is a princess in exile ? No,she very clearly states she lacked something when she had everything as a child. If the exile didn’t happen,she would’ve realised her power hungry nature anyway, as there is no end to her greed and Jealousy, till the end. Even in the last scene we see her hate So’s reforms because she interprets them as gifts to Soo out of Jealousy without realising how powerful it makes her.

The thing is,Just because she is a princess doesn’t mean she is meant to lack empathy. Most conclude this because she is the only princess we see. But the thing is, there is another Princess with the beauty ,wit and scheming skills who can love and be a decent ,kind human being. Her name is Woo Hee,and she sacrificed herself for her people. She was a spy yes,but for a greater cause. She had a horrible childhood , tried to kill and killed a man but that was the true definition of trying to survive. She matured and puts aside her grudges and never inflicts pain on others. Unlike Yeonhwa,she truly understands the responsibility she represents.

If you’re still adamant,let’s take the example of Jung,who was born a Prince and was spoiled in a similar way like Yeonhwa. He can be bull-headed and polarising ,but he understands his responsibility as a prince and fights wars. He loves Soo dearly and selflessly raises her child ,though he never gets the love he craves from her.

All of this leads me to conclude, Yeonhwa is and was the same person she is now. She is vain,shallow ,arrogant and greedy. She wants to be a Kingmaker but she is very shallow and extreme in her execution, as countless scheming displays ambition that never goes unnoticed. Being a Kingmaker requires wit,knowledge, trust and silence. You only help your Prince if he needs it, you don’t push him to it and you try to hide your ambition and knowledge and show your support continuesly . And Soo does this , while Queen Yoo and Yeonhwa make a fool of themselves by putting pressure and scheming. The whole royal family knew of their scheming nature and left them alone in the end.

Her loneliness is well deserved and part of her own making. She threw everyone away and everyone ignored her in the end. She is very much an improved version of Queen Yoo, everyone , especially her family and clan can see it. She stated that she wants power to protect her clan but she proves that she cares little about it,as even in her reign as Queen ,her family was in exile and their clan probably lost their standing. Just like Queen Yoo’s reign.Her mother is now competing with her for the throne.Like she did with Queen Yoo.

But atleast Queen Yoo has other Queens and Court ladies to bully. Yeonhwa has no one but herself and she just has to just settle for it.

In conclusion ,she is the least sympathetic,redeemable villain I’ve come across. What led me to not sympathise with her is how she easily plays victim while she is the most privileged,protected person in the story. Everyone thinks she protected herself,but the truth is she would be nowhere without her position and family. She would be done for if Wook confessed her crimes. I hate it when people who have everything continue to complain about their lives and insist they have it worse more than anyone else,while clearly being ignorant to the suffering of other around them. Every Villain in MLSHR had a redeeming quality,motive ,circumstance or atleast a redeeming relationship with another character. They atleast showed tiniest bits of remorse for their actions and acknowledge villainy. We don’t see her do either ,and she Probably sees her current situation as unfair,still refusing to admit her villainy. She is meant to be hated and interpreted as evil, and I have to give props to Kang Hanna, as she played the role to perfection.

If I had to say one thing about her though, I think marriage for her is survival in a sense that she’s surviving by protecting the only thing she’s known: power. Unlike Hae Soo, while she has her intelligence, she doesn’t have any special skill,knowledge or understanding of life outside the royal family. She doesn’t want to be the wife of a noble or go to Khitain, because it doesn’t provide her with security or position. I think she’s so accustomed to the privileges and riches that she can’t live a life beyond that. She considers it to be lowly and impossible. Her position is the only thing that protects her.While Soo had the favour of four kings,Yeonhwa only had her family and position to keep her safe.

I will admit that she did have her feminist moments, and I appreciate how she was willing to not settle for less. I loved it when she asked if the only way to control women is through marriage and tries to use marriage to elevate herself. But the thing is marriage is control and it all comes down to the value your husband is willing to put on you,especially in patriarchal times like Goryeo. This is discussed in episode five and is very telling of its time. If you’re husband doesn’t trust you and treats you like property,there’s nothing you can do as your worth is attached to the value he sees in you. Do I feel bad for her? No, she very much wanted to reap the benefits of patriarchy than put an end to it . Truth is ,she wanted to control him instead and if she did suceed then only God can help Goryeo.

EDIT: I wondered for long ,why is her character so despicable and greedy,after some contemplation,I’ve reached it.Its for the purpose of historical accuracy, as when you see international version,you see that her mother is plotting to push her grandson on the throne,due to Yeonhwa’s betrayal and thus her nephew becomes King.Historically,Gwangjong mistrusted his five year old son , making her devious and scheming gives depth to that. Her Son ,ruled for five years and had very little interest in politics,which again can be attributed to her ambition and pushy ways. In history her daughters were married off to powerful nobles to establish a strong power base ,which in MLSHR universe proves her to be a hypocrite because we all what she did to escape being married into a noble family.

But it’s exactly what gets her in the end, because at the end of the show her mother pushes her nephew to be King , who ends up marrying her Daughter probably due to her efforts, and her daughter betrays her like she betrayed her mother and becomes his Queen if MLSHR universe is to be assumed. Classic Karmic retribution If I might say.

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