#and power dynamics built on insecurity

[mindsoccupiedwithheaven]

On lunch, saddles, and solidarity.

TLDR: We are not alone in our most secret worries and fears. Everyone feels insecure in themselves, even as they project confidence and capability. Acknowledge that, and own it. Everyone should have a safe place to fail and person to learn from. Lean on each other.

Four days ago, I took a deep, deep breath and ate lunch with my friends of a year ago. My friends? I suppose they were. We worked together and they were always infinitely kind. So why was I so nervous?

I am capable of the work here, or at least capable of learning. I can post a trot and muddle my way through a drive or a jingle. I can shoe. I can learn to brand and fix and even work cattle, if need be. I have done it before and I can do it again. So why was I so nervous?

I feel behind. While technically in my second year, I arrived late and missed the preseason "training" of last year. It sucks, and it's embarrassing to feel behind. These are things I want to be good at, and I'm not yet. So I swallowed my pride and asked dumb questions, even ones I should already know the answers to, ones I knew the answers to last year. I asked for people to check my saddling, knots, posture. I thanked people profusely for their help. And in the process, I learned that I was not the only one. Mathilda reminded me how to tie my knots, and told me that she, too, had forgotten how to after her first season. Helen told me that she hadn't ridden in nine months either. And these women are my bosses!

I continued to admit my insecurities, tactfully. After I realized I was not the only one, I would quietly thank people when they mentioned their similar feelings: "thank you so much for sharing that, Ava. It makes me feel a lot less alone". I realized other people probably felt just as alone in their perceived incompetence as I did, even (especially) those "supposed" to know more than me. I hoped that in turn, by owning myself, I could help them.

Plus, people like to help. Helping and teaching wiling people always makes me feel more competent in skills, and I am hoping to help others feel similarly by asking questions that can be answered and asking for all the help they can give me. I want this to be a two way street.

I was invited to go out tonight with the group. I have overcome (some) fear of incompetence and allowed myself in, just as I am, even though I do not know everything. I think people like me more this way, now that I'm owning it. I hope I can help them do the same.

Just take care of each other, and know you are never alone.

[sanemisstalker]

Incel! Gyutaro, but it's a modern western college! au and you whip him into shape real fast. My ex won't talk to me, so I'm very much fantasizing about a man that will be obsessive over me ---> gyutaro NSFW

CW// Fem reader / AFAB genitalia / Breasted Reader / INCEL MENTALITIES : Sexism, Poly Hate / BDSM dynamics/ Implied ED (Gyutaro is a gym junkie who should definitely be eating more) / SH / Men's Mental Health / Inconsistent POV because I'm writing this with my hand down my pants (I am joking)

PART TWO <-

-You go to community College with him. He's some fucking dude in your necessary math course they wouldn't let you drop. He sits next to you in the booths.

-He's not awful looking. He's got some weird scars across his face, but like, they're kind of artsy. They add a flare the guy would be lacking otherwise.

-His vibe is a little... weird. He doesn't talk in class ever. You see him around campus and he doesn't seem... at all versed in social interaction. You once watched him get into a fight, which was a little sexy, but since it was with Tengen Uzui, your eyes were much more interested in the latter.

-Gyutaro is used to that though. Never being the one looked at. Typical of women like you. You're always frothing at the mouth over fucking Chad's like Tengen- He got it. Tengen was built, strong jawed, and just reeked of sex appeal wherever he walked. He always had the glaze of one of those five sluts he hung out with on his lips-

-Tengen was lucky. He's apparently been training since he was young- to look like a Greek God and all. Gyutaro spent the first years of his life fighting to survive in a hospital, and then every year after fighting to live in his home safely.

-and girls like you- sluts like you were always going to favour Tengen. Always assholes.

-After that fight, you began speaking to Gyutaro. You didn't come onto the topic immediately- you didn't want to pry- So You'd mention his shirt.

-'Is that Death Cab For Cutie?' His heart dropped when you spoke. He didn't even register you were talking about his shirt.

-'Are... Are you talking to me?' He'd croak. His voice was quite nice. Soft, but low.

-'Yeah- Your shirt? That's... That's death cab for cutie, right?'

-'Y-Yeah.'

-As classes rolled by, you came to understand that Gyutaro was a very... disturbed individual. Aside from being generally jumpy and odd, his moral opinions specifically toward women were less than desirable.

-You came to know of his opinions toward Tengen as well. The level of insecurity dripping from every word was palatable... even through the venom.

-He called women 'femoids' and constantly tried to express that Tengen had been given a bigger genetic stick in life. You could never decide if he was referring to Tengen's dick or not.

-You were different, though, He'd assure. You always got what he was saying. Even if you were just letting him mindlessly ramble about his awful, borderline questionable mentalities.

-with said mentalities, you began to realize that Gyutaro was a very easy man. An incredibly easy man. Who was incredibly attracted to every woman he met- but especially you.

-'Gyutaro, have you ever slept with anyone?' You'd ask one day, on the way to the cafeteria. On the few days he chose that over the gym, he'd walk with you. You worried about him, occasionally.

-The question would visibly startle him.

-'I-No. I'm - ha- I'm not... Why?' He'd cut over his own words, face burning.

-'Just curious. You seem all cool, like you get around.' You'd melt a little at that prideful look on his face. How absolutely smitten.

-Maybe the power went to your head, but you began to seek little moments of affirmation from Gyutaro. You'd bend over, a little too close to him- The chronic porn addict. Knowing what it did to him.

-You'd always compliment his shirts- All of his bands incredibly main stream despite his insistence that they weren't.

-You remembered the noise he made when you grabbed his arm in class, once. The teacher had decided to round up the class grade- just barely passing you- and you turned and clung onto his arm, and it was almost like he choked.

-'Hey, Gyutaro, can I come over and study?' You'd pose one day. His face would turn red, a hand flying to his scarred wrist. He itched the skin off- almost always raw.

-'To my- my dorm?'

-'Mhm.'

-'My room isn't-' He'd pause. 'Why? What do you want?' His emotions would flit, unsure of your reasoning. You'd roll your eyes.

-'To hang out? You know? On the one night a week we don't have homework?'

-'Aren't you going to go... party? You do every other weekend.' You found the tang of malice on his tongue adorable. Irritating, but adorable.

'One, I don't party every week. Two, I think you'd be fun to hang out with. What, am I not pretty enough to bring back to your roomate? Am I not allowed in the great and powerful lord Gyutaro's room? ' You'd taunt.

-'N-no. You're pr- no I-'

-'Cool! You live in the good dorms, right?'

-Gyutaro did live in the good dorms. He was also very lucky to be in a one man dorm. Apparently his old roomate, Akaza, had moved out to join a frat.

-Not that you could tell it was a good dorm. The thing was filthy. It smelled like hell, too. Like Gyutaro.

-'I'm sorry for the mess.' He'd grumble. 'I get really busy...'

-'You're fine. Are you a PC gamer?' You'd point to his massive set up.

-'Y-yeah.'

-'Thats cool- ooooh, a Scott Pilgrim poster. I love that movie.' God, you just knew everything, didn't you? All the things girls weren't supposed to like. Gyutaro had been fantasizing about this very moment since you bothered to open your mouth at him. He guessed his work outs had been paying off.

-'Yeah its a good comic, too.'

-The conversation would sway too and frough. Not every really finding a groove. A girl in his room, and he could barely speak to her- you decided to take drastic measures.

-'Hey, Gyutaro, do you want to like do something? Like... a game.' You'd ask, turning to face him.

-'I- um- I have some two players-'

-'Not a game like that.' You'd laugh. He'd quirk an eyebrow. 'I'm like... horny. Like a party game'

-If you'd suddenly fired a gun next to his ear, the effect those words had on Gyutaro would've been the same. He gaped at your bluntness.

-'You're horny?'

-'Yeah... I want to do something... Dirty, I don't know.' You jerked the air off.

-'A-are you gonna leave?' He'd ask, sounding pathetic. 'Do you need me to leave?' What a dumb question, he realized, the second it left his mouth. This was his home, why would he let you jerk off-

-'Do you want to watch? It'd be rude to make you leave.' You completely understood the absurdity of the words coming from your mouth. Every word made Gyutaro's face twist into something akin to... excited disgust. It was fascinating.

-'W-watch?' He didn't understand why he stuttered so much around you.

-'Yeah... Watch? We don't need to like- play like... strip poker or anything. I just want to do something raunchy.'

-'We-we're not dating. You should do that with your boyfriend.'

-'Gyutaro, you know I don't have a boyfriend.' You'd remind. 'Are you scared?'

-'I'm not scared- I-'

-'We're adults. We can do what we want.' His traditionalist mindset was wanning by the word. He wanted you something awful, and here you were, offering to... touch yourself infront of him-

-He'd been leaning on his bed, and you began to creep forward.

-'Do you have any toys?'

-'You mean like vibes?' If his voice wasn't cracking, it was dry. Painfully so. 'I-'

-'Any you haven't put in you?'

-'I'm not into that.' He'd defend. A lie. A painful lie at that. 'I-'

-'Into what?' You'd bring your hand toward the edge of his shirt. He'd begin shaking under your touch. 'No bandaids over your nipples?'

-You'd been so kind and casual to him thus far. Always appreciating his bands and asking about his games. You're eyes had never even fixated on his birthmarks- He never expected you to actually like him-

-'I-I'm not some... some freak.'

-'You think I'm a freak for being into that?' His heart would ache at the sigh in your voice, guilt growing in his stomach as your hand left. 'Sorry, I guess I'll just go back to my dorm.'

-As you turned to leave, Gyutaro would scramble off the bed, eyes blown wide. His foot would knock into an empty can on the floor, and He'd probably tip over some of the comics on his nightstand.

-'Wait-wait!' He'd step over a pile of clothes, and begin rummaging around in the drawer behind his bed.

-His thin hand would come back with a small pink vibe- attached to a thin white wire. You could barely fight back the evil grin on your face as he resurfaced, face just as pink as the vibrator.

-You feigned needing help onto his bed, just so he'd pick you up and set you there. His tenseness was comedic. As you fully situated yourself, Gyutaro just stood, hands in his pockets-

-'Well, come on?' You ushered, nodding to the space between your legs. Gyutaro looked to the spot and then back to you.

-This couldn't be real. You couldn't be fucking real. Even as you spread your legs infront of him, revealing your dripping fucking pussy-- it could not be fucking real. It was too pornographic. You couldn't be serious- Any second you'd snap your legs shut, realize how fucking disgusting he was- how worthless and weird- and you'd spit on him, get up, and leave-

-But you didn't. You pressed the vibe to your clit and Gyutaro watched in awe as your pussy clenched around nothing. Begging, pleading for a cock to fill you, just like all the forums said it would.

-You swore you heard him whimper- gasp- Feeling all powerful under his watchful eye. You were very pleased to find he was bulging through his sweats, a small wet patch already forming.

-He wouldn't be able to get over how fucking wet you were. How good your pussy responded to the vibrations, how good you looked when you craved dick-

-'You should... Your hard on looks like it hurts.'

-Fuck, everything hurt. Your voice made his balls ache, begging for release. He didn't want to cum so early- Didn't want to be a minute man infront of you.

-You wanted him to cum early so bad. His dick had already soaked through his sweats with pre- you knew you could get him worse.

-'Gyutaro, can you- Can you finger me?'

-So fucking cruel. So fucking evil-

-You knew he'd be no good. Too rough and fast, but to your surprise, he shook his head. Very admant.

-'Why not?'

-'I- my hands are gross.' He'd whisper. The poor thing sounded close to tears. He wanted to finger you so bad, but he was all to aware of the cracks and scabs along his knuckles. 'I don't want to get you dirty.'

-'Do you have gloves?' You were surprised by the desperation in your own voice. Fuck.

-'L-like latex?'

-'Mhm'

-Gyutaro had cleared the bed and rush to his bathroom, yanking the gloves from the medicine cabinet. You heard the faucet start, and then a crash and a bang-

-And then Gyutaro was back infront of you, one hand covered with a glove. And he smelled like cologne. You held back a laugh.

-He shivered at the way your pussy sucked his finger in. And then a second not even a minute later.

-'It hurts... You should get on top of me. It'll help.' You reasoned.

-Gyutaro watched you with wide eyes as he bent down next to you, the curve of his wrist allowing him to begin an all too gentle thrust into your pussy.

-His face was right by yours, drinking in the sight of you growing heavy eyed and huffy with awe.

-He picked up his speed. Fuck- you were a real doll, alright. So fucking perfect. All for him. All his- you were his, he decided, deluded by the intimacy of the situation.

-You weren't going to be allowed to go anywhere with any other man- ever again. Nobody else could see this. Nobody was going to see you cum other than him, make you cum, other than him.

-'You keep going just past it-' You'd groan with frustration.

-'Past- What?'

-'I need you to- my g-spot you keep hitting everything but it-'

-His face would turn bright red at the critique.

-'Your g-spot?'

-'Of course you wouldn't know what that is.' You'd snark, reaching down to grab his wrist. His jaw would tighten as you began to guide his hand in and out of your pussy, back arching as he grazed a textured part of your walls.

-He felt like a dildo, an object for you to chase your high-

-Gyutaro came before you, his free hand rushing to try and prevent it, but you'd feel him shiver and hear a soft-

-'Fuck- fuck!'

-And you' look to see a wet patch on the crotch of his sweats. It looked like he pissed himself, the stain starting at least midway down his thigh-

-You imagined such a gigantic load being forced past your cervix. His cock had to be huge- fucking huge- with enough cum to spill for days after.

-'I'm-I'm cumming-' You'd squeak as the vibrator paired with Gyutaro's shame sent you spiraling. His head would snap up to watch-

-You'd leave with nothing but a thanks, and a small comment on how he needed to clean his room - The look of shock on his face borderline second orgasm worthy- He'd already gotten hard again. He wanted to go- wanted you.

-But he'd get a text from you later that night. You'd be at a party- like he knew you were supposed to be.

-'Lol' would accompany a photo of you in a slutty little dress next to Tengen Uzui and those three bimbos always by his side. It would dock his confidence, send him spiraling- panicking-

-But it'd be there...a thin little wire peaking out from between your thighs.

-You'd send him your address and hope he'd have the balls to do something about it.

[s0lemnhypn0s]

(Warning for this post I'm half asleep so I might be incoherent or have disjointed topics. Bare with me, I'm trying to express my thoughts the best I can.)

(and WARNING! i discuss personal paranoias at one point during this, which include the topic of bugs and self harm)

"Billford is ironic we're shipping them ironically" "We don't actually want to see them together" "We don't think theyre a good pair" "its irreconciliably abusive" "its one sided"

ok I'm gonna put forward a take that might be poorly recieved: I think you all are misunderstanding Billford (And each character individually) and just reducing it to "bill abused ford" takes away so much of what makes their dynamic fascinating. And also claiming "Erm its a bit" while engaging in something you "recognize" as abuse only does a disservice to the topic of abuse and how it relates to the mentally ill (I will get into that later). You are treating the relationship as a joke and only acknowledging the abusive aspects when people come at you is just pretty scummy of you. Speaking as someone who experienced a near identical abusive relationship, where my paranoia was preyed upon, causing me to still suffer from the paranoia of being watched by them or that my abuser will eventually send someone after me.

In general, the existence of abuse is a complicated one and abuse is not a catch all, end all term. Not all abuse is built the same. Billford is undeniably abusive, but there is not a period after "abusive", are you picking up what I'm putting down. It's not just "Bill was exerting power over Ford and thats it"

Lets start with: We all recognize Ford is paranoid, but we don't seem to recognize Bill as paranoid in the exact same way, dare I say - Even more paranoid than Ford. I mean, ford got his "Trust no one" quote from Bill directly saying his rule of thumb for trusting people is to just trust no one. He doesn't trust others - He simply doesn't. And this is part of where Bill Cipher's manipulation of SPECIFICALLY Ford comes in.

Now I am going to speak from a personal anecdote of my experience with paranoia and delusions - Me, I will try to "safeguard" against my every little fear and belief that something will, undoubtedly, undeniably, be out to hurt me, and these safeguards are often extreme in nature. They don't make sense to the people around me, but they make sense to me. Sometimes they hurt the people around me. Sometimes, they hurt me. I believe this is the same with Bill Cipher himself. He is taking measures to make sure his worst fears do not come to pass. And because Bill is decidedly not human, only interacts with humans when he deems neccesary, those measures often take the form of something even more extreme than, idk, me shaving my head because I thought bug eggs were in my hair or trying to cut open my skin because I thought something was living in it. They take the form of something abusive (Which is also just... Something that happens with the mentally ill sometimes. I see you guys trying to separate our mental illness from our actions and claim "thats not making you do that". I see you.). Him trying to guard himself from something so terrible(facetious) as Ford's percieved betrayal ultimately becomes a self fufilling prophecy.

Not to mention, if you guys didn't notice. Bill without a doubt projects his own insecurities onto Ford. "I make you feel important" Ford makes Bill feel important. "No one loves you" He was ostracized in his dimension. "Who will miss you" He destroyed his entire home, nobody would mourn Bill, because they were all gone, long gone. "I'm sending someone to steal your eyes" Might be a stretch, but I look towards the silly straw poem "A different kind of eye doctor, who wants to make his patient blind" Obviously the use of "blind" here is metaphorical, but I feel its still in some ways applicable.

Bill very evidently experienced medical abuse and ostracization in Euclydia, something exceedingly common for those labeled as mad. (Which also brings me to the topic of people saying "I'm so glad they didn't make Bill a sympathetic villain in the book of bill" bc. Hi. I'm a guy thats experienced ostracization and medical staff forcibly medicating me in order to fix me. I think he is sympathetic actually). Not only that, Bill Cipher had a trillion years to fester in his resentment and his guilt, and you think that like. Didn't effect him at all. I really and truly beg to disagree.

Not only that: I think Bill felt a kinship with Ford. Ford was ostracized, he was betrayed by the world (and "betrayed" by his brother), he was regarded as a freak for what he was born with, just as Bill was regarded as a freak for his mutation in Euclydia. Bill thought Ford was just like him. Bill thought Ford would understand him, and furthermore would jump at the opportunity to burn the world down with him. And. to his credit. Ford does, in some capacity, understand him. As much as Ford could understand, with Bills lies within lies. Bill craves the intimacy and fears the touch. He uses fear to get Ford to love him, not only because he thinks it will safeguard him from what he fears most, but likely because it is all he knows, all he was taught. Love through fear. Our love is painful, but we only want to help. Pain in love is natural. It's right. It will only hurt a little. This is how you know we love you. He was shocked when Ford rejected him. He thought he did everything right. He had everything planned, for them to be together for eternity.

And bare in mind also that - Bill. Most evidently. Views himself as a monster. When Ford asks about what happened to his dimension, who destroyed it - Bill responds "A monster.", he says "Sixer, it would eat you alive" when Ford offers to help hunt it down. He lets his mask of jovial, mysterious mischief drop just slightly, and we understand just a little bit more of how he feels about the euclidean massacre, how he understands himself through his actions. And what he understands, is that this is just his nature. "I liberated my dimension, Stanford", a lie but not in the way you'd think. He lies, acting like what he did was intentional, as its the only way he could ascribe "reason" to what he did. It couldn't have been an accident. That is just how I am. It wasn't an accident, and I liberated them. (I wish I could go back.) And I come back to the idea of a self fufilling prophecy, because its again- That exactly. Bill decided this was all he could be, he did everything that would make him a "monster" after the accident that caused the euclidean massacre - And so, he was. A sick prognosis that he created and fufilled with his own two hands, he became the monster he and his home dimension envisioned him as.

Abuse is a complicated subject. What Bill did was abuse, yes, but I also distinctly believe it to be a case of abuse between two mentally ill people, one of which is so old, his hate his anger and his regrets, all are ancient and yet so fresh.

I feel another part of the problem is people are taking Bill at face value. Which is exactly what he wants to do because then you dont get at what hes doing all this for and why. You don't get past the exoskeleton to the tender flesh beneath. But stop taking what he says at face value. Read into it more. Analyze the triangle.

Also it might be controversial (hyperbole.) , but I do thing it means /something/ that during Ford's part of the book of bill, where Bill and Ford's relationship is recounted from his perspective, Bill is notably absent, whereas in the rest of the book, he is guiding us through it and constantly maintains a loud presence in it. You could interpret this in a lot of different ways I think, but the way I've chosen to interpret it is as a mix of shame, regret, and an unwillingness to revisit their past together. Perhaps even Bill having enough respect for Ford to not interject his telling of their story together, if you want to get real complicated about it. Paradoxal, if you will.

(Also I find the theraprism to be a most fucked "end" for Bill Cipher due to the medical abuse he experienced as a child. Something something, mad people can never escape the institutions which seek to "fix" them.)

anyway if you read through my mad sleep addled ramblings CONGRATS! i'm probably going to make edits and add to this when I wake up in the morning but i needed to get this out or id forget. billford is abusive but its way more complex than just... abuse. Abuse is a complex subject and it exists on a spectrum, for a lack of better words. and dont twist my words - That isn't saying "this is less bad abuse", this is saying "its complicated and just leaving it at abusive does their relationship a disservice"

[stairain]

Bad Idea.

You see your Professor talking to one of his co-workers, prompting insecurities about him belonging with someone his age.  

NSFW part 2

NSFW part 3

Warnings: Angst. Professor/Student relationship, 10+ year age gap (No defined ages, but reader is over 20, Spencer is under 40), suggested manipulation, strong power play/dynamic. There will be an 18+ part 2.

WC: 1.7K

You’re pacing around his living room, anxiousness coursing through your veins. You had caught him talking to one of his female co-workers, and couldn’t help but spiral. 

“Maybe this was a bad idea, Spencer.”

Your professor watches your frantic movements as he stands still across the room from you. His eyebrow raises and he moves his hands into his pocket. 

"Do you want to talk about it?” He calmly said. 

Curse him for always being mature about things when you were nothing but an irrational impulsive mess, and maybe that was a clear sign of a red flag, one that you were no doubt going to ignore, along with the rest of them.

“You deserve someone your age, you deserve someone you don’t have to hide.. to keep a secret.”

The tears brimming your eyes finally fall, cascading down your cheeks as they burn your skin. Spencer is quiet for a long moment, as you cry. And then he walks over to you and pulls you into his arms, and he holds you close, as though he wants to comfort you.

His voice grows a slight bit solemn, and his face grows some sadness, but, somehow, he manages to smile a little bit. 

"You're... you're right," he says softly, and while his voice is serious, he manages to give you a little soft smile as he does so. "Maybe I do." he adds, still softly, as a single tear falls down his cheek.

You push him away from you, raising your voice. Even though you were the one to suggest it, hearing him agree with you, it hurt more than you expected.

“I-Is that what you want..? Someone older than me, more mature than me, better than me.. Someone you can actually be seen with..” 

Spencer shakes his head slowly. His heart breaks to see you so hurt. But, somehow, he manages to give you the softest little smile. He pulls you a little bit closer and runs a strong hand through your hair, to hopefully calm you down.

“Come on, angel. You’re getting yourself worked up over nothing. And no.. No, it's not what I want. You're everything I want.." 

You allow him to comfort you, you really wanted nothing more than to scream at him, pound your fists against his chest, and lock yourself in his room. And yet, here you were, allowing him to hold you, to protect you.  

"You don't mind that I'm your student.. and we're dating? You don’t find it weird..?"

"Why would I ever mind?" 

He speaks softly as he looks down at you in his arms, right in your teary eyes. His heart beats a little bit harder, his breath grows warmer, it's clear he's being genuine with you. You free yourself from his hold and sit down on his couch, and he immediately follows you. He stands in front of you, looming over your small figure. 

"As your Professor... I'm here to support you. And I'm only human, just like you. I just happen to have a job that's a bit of a.. conflict of interest. But I always aim to see all of my students succeed, and what better way to support you, to help you succeed, than to be here for you?"

Spencer reaches out a hand to rest on your shoulder, his thumb rubs over the soft fabric of your shirt as he looks down at you.

"I-I guess you're right, Sir. I just don't want your life and career to be ruined because of us.”.

Your professor sighs before kneeling down in front of you on the couch, to look you directly in the eyes now that he was down at your level. He reaches out to you and holds your chin in his fingers.

"Look at me, princess..." he whispers, "I'm an adult. I have a PhD, a very successful career, all that... and I know what I'm doing. I'm not going to let anyone or anything, including my job, or anyone else, ruin what we'd built between us..."

The sincerity in his tone practically forces you to believe him, you felt you had no other choice at this point, you were in far too deep. You nod as he spoke, clinging on to every syllable, he really did have a way with his words. 

"There's nothing that could ever ruin that, okay?" he adds, softly... "Our love is too precious for anyone to hurt..”

"I-I don't know, Sir. I know this..”—You point between the two of you —“What we have, it's not normal. But I love you.. I'm  just terrified someone will somehow find out, then you'll lose your job, and it'll be my fault." 

You bury your face in your hands as your cries wrack through your body. Spencer sighs and bites his lip as he tries to find the right words, ones that may not be true, but at least they’ll comfort you for the time being. 

"I understand," he says softly. "That's a very valid concern and we'll.. we’ll have to figure out a way to deal with that. But even if someone were to find out, I'd be willing to lose this job if it meant I could keep you in my life. If I'm being honest, angel, there's nothing that could ever be worth as much as you, and if this is what you want, then... then I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

He pulls your hands away from your face, he takes both of your hands in one of his, and his free hand reaches up to wipe at your tear stained cheeks. 

"Can you understand that? Can you understand how much you mean to me?"

You can’t help but scoff at his words and throw your hands in the air, looking away from him. It was almost laughable how unserious he was about his entire future, just because of you. 

"Sir- I..I'm not worth losing your job, listen to yourself!"

Spencer furrows his brows and forcefully grabs your hands back in his. He never did like it when you didn’t look at him while he spoke to you. 

"That's for me to decide, isn't it?" He asks sternly as he looks at you.  

"If I say you're worth losing my job for because you're what makes me the happiest, and you're what makes me better... then aren't I the one who has the final say? I'm here to guide you, and to protect you... and what that means for me is that I'm willing to sacrifice everything, as long as you're in my life. I'm not going to let anything, anything ever tear us apart… Understood?"

You keep quiet as he mentions how everything is up for him to decide, you know he's right, and there's nothing you can say to convince him. Your eyes avert his gaze and favor looking at the way his large hand encompasses both of your smaller ones. 

"But I'm just another one of your students, Professor. I just don't think losing your job would be worth it.. Plus, what happens when the news gets to this? You'll lose your job at the FBI too.”

Spencer’s hand bumps your chin up gently, making him look at you as he speaks softly. 

"You're not just another student to me. You're not just some random face I see in class... you're someone I truly care for, someone that makes me feel very very happy." Spencer adds truthfully, and his tone grows more sincere as he continues to attempt to comfort you.

"And as I said, I would be willing to risk my job, if it meant being with you. But we don't have to make that choice, do we? We can keep it quiet, as long as we're careful, I can make sure no one ever finds out." 

You sniff and look up at him through your teary lashes. He pushes a fallen lock of hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear. 

"How are you going to make sure no one ever finds out, Sir?"

"By being careful, and taking our time," he explains. "But also by being smart.. by paying close attention to any signs that anyone is suspicious. And that means you'll need to learn how to be careful too.. how to be cautious" he adds. "We will keep it between us, my girl."

Spencer sits down on the couch next to you, and effortlessly lifts you onto his lap, quickly curling you up against his chest. 

"This will be our little secret, and as long as we're careful.. we can make sure no one will ever know.” 

You nod at his words and suggestions.

"I'll make sure to be careful, sir.”

He smiles down at you and coos in your ear. 

“There we go.. You’re so smart, darling.” 

His fingers run through your hair, and despite the comfort, there’s a pit in your stomach at his words. You don’t acknowledge it, why would you.

“You need to make sure you don't treat me any differently in class, Sir. You already know how much everyone in that class loves you.. If they noticed you were giving me special treatment, I’d never hear the end of it.. Wouldn't want anyone knowing I'm a teacher's pet."

You smirk as you tease him, knowing fully that’s exactly what you are. Spencer chuckles, as he nods again. 

"Of course. We'll have to act normal, and we'll have to pretend.. to be just a professor and a student at work. But outside of work.." he adds, before his smile grows a little bit wider. "That's a whole different story.." he adds, his tone a little bit lower. 

"Yeah? What are we outside of work, Professor?"

You bite your lip as you look up at him with innocent eyes.

"Outside of work.." He smiles again, as his eyes darkening with a twinge of lust. "Outside of work, we don't have to pretend anymore. We can just be ourselves all the time." 

With nothing but what you believe is love in his eyes, he cradles the back of your head in his palm to look up at him better. He looks down at you in adoration, and his gaze flickers from your eyes to your lips. 

"And.. outside of work, I get to be yours. All yours, my perfect girl." 

[wuxian-vs-wangji]

There are 4 types of care you want to see in a fledgling Dom/sub relationship:

The first is pre-care, when a Dom and sub will establish the guidelines and rules of their sexual encounter (if they didn't do it earlier), and ease in to the dynamic before even foreplay starts.

Payu starts this in the tub, letting Rain get used to their bodies touching, some sensual but not yet sexual contact. Easing Rain into more intimate forms of contact than they've had up to this point. Payu and Rain are so thirsty for each other they head straight to sex, and this first time Payu keeps it very vanilla for Rain's first time.

The discussion part of pre-care can be put off for another day, especially since they won't be doing really much of anything in the D/s dynamic, but it'll happen eventually.

The second is care during sex. True, Rain and Payu didn't engage much in the D/s side of things this first time, and even when they do, it's very low-level introductory. Even so, Payu held control of the experience and guided Rain through it, the commanding teacher, while still being very gentle in his tone. He even let Rain come before seeking out a sense of consensual ownership over Rain.

Payu also says "Please don't stop me" early on, a sexy and gentle reminder that Rain very much has the power to stop him at any point if he feels uncomfortable with what is happening (while hoping he does not use that power).

That's not just a D/s dynamic thing, that's important in all forms of sexual encounter. It doesn't matter if Payu is moving inside Rain at that moment- consent can be revoked at any point, and both of them need to be well aware of that. Even the most Edge class of kinks is built on mutual consent, and respecting that consent is revokable. That's why safe words exist.

The third is aftercare, which you don't really see (I know some call the bit in the extended cut aftercare, but snuggly sex is just one facet of aftercare). Aftercare is very much dependent on the degree of BDSM play engaged in, and for just a gentle Dom/sub dynamic (what Payu and Rain enjoy), not as layered as you'd see elsewhere.

For this kind of dynamic, cleaning one another up and some cuddles is probably fine. They were both laying peacefully under the covers, and Rain had clothes beside him if he needed them, so let's assume there was aftercare.

Aftercare is about returning the couple to their natural dynamic, not their sexual one. It's showing one another respect and gratitude for what happened during the sexual encounter, and helping the Dom and sub both recover psychologically and physically.

The fourth is morning-after-care. This one is the most important the first time with a new partner, a bit less as other relationship dynamics and history build over time and both partners learn to be more confident in one another.

The afterglow is gone, the sober light of day is here, and doubts, insecurities, anxiety- all of that creeps in.

In aftercare and morning-after-care, it can often be overlooked that the submissive and Dominant BOTH need to take care of one another. BOTH participated in the dynamic, BOTH need to be checked on and shown care, BOTH are at risk of feeling shame or embarrassment for their roles- especially early in the relationship.

You don't leave a sub in subspace. You don't leave a Dom in Domspace. Payu needs Rain to reassure and sooth him as much as Rain needs his Dom to do the same. Especially- ESPECIALLY- since this isn't a temporary arrangement, it's a permanent relationship Payu is trying to establish.

They cannot risk either seeing the other- or feeling like they are seen- as a sex toy.

Hence Payu crossing the boundaries of "personal space" to go to Rain's house uninvited, and his unwillingness to even let Rain touch him at first. Rain running off snapped a critical piece of aftercare for BOTH of them, even if Rain doesn't realize it.

But also, Payu knows this is all new to Rain. He knows Rain doesn't understand how to nurture and grow a healthy relationship, especially with the added guardrails of a safe and secure D/s dynamic (ESPECIALLY with the DOUBLED guardrails of a 24/7 D/s dynamic).

He needs to hear that Rain understands he shouldn't have vanished, but he also doesn't want to give Rain a hard time (boy's sick after all). So all it takes from Rain is a simple apology and Payu quickly reassures Rain that all is well (and then punishes him in a nurturing way with the suppository).

[nightcolorz]

There is something clearly unhealthy and immature about Marius inserting himself into Armand's every meaningful relationship with anyone else.

Yes, he helped Daniel in a crisis situation, but it seems like it could have done without the romantic subtext, right?

Then he became the maker of Benji and Sybelle. And this is the strongest connection, although he had nothing to do with these people 💀

It’s like he’s tying Armand to himself, isn’t it? He takes all his close people. Marius is literally everywhere.

While Armand himself is obviously trying to learn to live independently, without Marius and his influence.

Armand remains trapped in his power. He is afraid of loneliness, and all the people closest to him are attached to Marius for various reasons.

This thought makes me despair. Armand is still dependent on Marius. And, apparently, he's always will be.

Justice for Armand in a show, where Daniel will be on his side, without a sense of duty to Marius for taking care 🤞🏻

AGREED ITS SO FUCKED!!

It feels so insidious, like it comes off like Marius is intentionally sinking his teeth into Armand’s loved ones so that he will be inescapably a part of his life. It reminds me of how abusers r often family members the victims r regularly forced to interact with, but instead of this being inherent to the dynamic Marius is putting himself in those roles to be closer to Armand. I’m not sure that he’s doing that specifically with that goal, but I feel like it has to be at least subconscious.

I always think about how with Benji and sybelle, it seems like his only motivation is to insert himself into Armand’s life in a way that deprives him of agency or authority. He’s literally taking away his children by *making himself the father* and he’s taking away Armand’s agency to make choices for them by making the choice for him and then patiently explains to him like he’s a dumb child that marius just knows better and this was for their own good.

He basically does the same with Daniel, he takes in Daniel when he’s vulnerable and then isolates him from Armand so that Armand doesn’t get to be a part of his life anymore. It’s very parent of a teen mom deciding to raise the kids cuz the mom is too immature, but instead of a teen mom it’s a grown adult who continues to be treated by the parent like he’s too immature to have any relationship that isn’t being directed and controlled by Marius.

back to Benji and sybelle, smth that’s rlly upsetting to me about that plot line is how Marius begins initiating that dynamic by patiently inviting Armand to his house to reconnect with seemingly no strings or pressure attached, and Armand is very hesitant to open himself up to marius for understandable reasons so he is very distant and none responsive to this offer. And so since Armand isn’t budging, marius offers to help him out by looking after his kids, and Armand agrees to that and it’s kind of an olive branch where Armand is allowing himself to trust Marius by allowing him to be alone with his loved ones. And Marius takes that opportunity and decides to inescapably tie Armand to him by inserting himself into his family dynamic and ruining everything Armand has built by making it his own 😭😭 it’s so fucked, and it seems like such a direct reaction to Armand being distant and hesitant to open up to him

I think Marius does all this partly cuz he’s scared to loose Armand, and partly bcus he sees Armand as his biggest mistake who should have never existed, and in that feels responsible for controlling his life/“taking care of him” so that he doesn’t “cause any harm” that Marius would be responsible for. It’s also definitely an insecurity thing. I think Marius is insecure seeing that Armand is fine without him while Marius (guy who should be the “strong one” in the relationship) can’t stop thinking about him, so he tries to take control of Armand and revert back to their old dynamics so that he can validate his own power + validate his belief that Armand needs him

[rogunetocentral]

One of the many things I love about Rogueneto as a Rogue fan is the way Rogue is written as herself not as a tragic heroine.

The tension in the relationship was never about her powers. Instead, it was based on missed timing along with philosophical differences. They held affection for each other but it could not be realized while on opposite sides. I always found their relationship dynamic to be more interesting than making Rogue obsessed with physical touch because she thinks her boyfriend will stop loving her or will move on to someone else they cannot touch one another.

Rogueneto allows Rogue and the readers to bypass the adolescent drama to get to the mature relationship dynamic. Can two people with different methods for the same goal be in a relationship while on opposing sides? Is there a way for them to compromise or meet in the middle? Can someone wounded by love & death be open to giving themselves to love again?

Rogueneto inherently had the right questions built into it but unfortunately those questions were never fully asked. By time Rogueneto happened again during Utopia, they were on the same side and mostly focused on safekeeping the endangered mutants. But still their connection and eventual romance allowed us to have Rogue in a relationship where she was not playing the emotional damsel in distress, she wasn't plagued by insecurities that she wouldn't be loved if she didn't throw her sacrifice her identity and independence for a relationship. The relationship was an attachment to Rogue but it didn't overtake her character.

The balance of the two characters was based on Rogue taking charge and Magneto relinquishing control because he knew Rogue was capable of leading. They bumped heads due to their personalities but still worked in perfect unison to get the job done. Rogue and Magneto were always their individual selves in their relationship they didn't have to merge to become this new entity of personalities to make the relationship work. Rogue did not have to worry about if he loved her enough because she was an adult and knew her worth was not in other's love for her but her love for herself. The only real hangup to Rogueneto was deciding if Rogue wanted to revisit previous heartache. I wish we could have gotten more time with them officially together as I would love to the dynamic of Magneto in love and Rogue stable and secure in her feelings for once.

I really enjoyed this era for Rogue, it gave us Rogueneto back but also kept Rogue as herself and tried to propel her character forward instead of keeping her tied to a specific characterization. Rogue was independent, had 100% control of her powers, she want and who she wanted, didn't hold back on anyone, and was allowed to interact with multiple characters substantially. It was a once in every 20 years type of writing for her.

[thecoolerliauditore]

whats ur scott/pearl dynamic... i agree people have got to be weirder about platonic relationships. they can just as insane as any other one and its delicious!

I'm so sorry anon scott/pearl is like. ethubs level insanity inducing for me I'm pre-emptively putting a cut here because I know it's gonna get horrid.

short answer is queerplatonic. medium length answer is that pearl desperately just wants a friend and scott is insane.

Gonna try doing this chronologically because otherwise I'll drive myself insane.

Last Life

LL Scott and Pearl is defined, to me, by a mixture of their genuine care for eachother and their very strange power dynamic. They are both aware that their team-up is born out of being mutually beneficial for the game rather than any sentimental reasons (a really nice contrast to FH) at least, in the beginning.

Pearl values Scott so much that she literally would give up her life (or, lives) for him as well as kill for him. Scott seems to believe for a good chunk of LL that what Pearl values him for is the labour he can perform for her (e.g. gathering resources and fighting alongside her) but I'd argue Pearl simply valued Scott as her friend above all else (Pearl desperately craving companionship above all else is going to be a massive running theme going onwards so I'd say it makes enough sense).

Even when it comes down to the final four and the two split up, with Pearl even saying that she "doesn't have to feel bad" about killing Scott, they have eachother on the mind.

I don't really know how to break this down without just linking the clip itself but:

Scott: Ren, stop running! Je-sus!

Ren: Leave me alone, go kill Martyn! Why are you going for me?!

Scott: I have to, you killed Pearl!

Pearl (ghost): Aww... Aw, that's sweet...

What bookends Scott and Pearl's LL relationship, to me, is Scott rescuing Binky the axolotl from Pearl's body after she died. Scott has always loved animals but he's also someone very meticulous about his inventory management and maximizing his chances at winning, and this final 1v1v1v1 was him at his sweatiest gameplay-wise.

There were much more useful things he could've chosen to loot but he chose to save Binky and even places him down in a pool of water in end to make sure he survived even after Scott himself dies (with the way he spoke, I think it's clear he was either ready to kill himself or knew Grian was about to smite him).

Other examples of their developing sentimentality and trust for eachother over the course of the season include Pearl catching a blue axolotl later on and remarking that it's "Scott's favourite colour", their stare-down routines for the boogey assignments (a really nice contrast to other alliances, like the fairy fort, who would literally scatter for the same thing) and, despite how I usually talk about this moment, Scott refusing to consider Pearl as a boogey-kill target (his refusal WAS because of gameplay purposes, but the fact that he never targetted Pearl, even when she had the most lives in the game, I think says something).

Scott's alliance with Pearl in LL is also unique in a lot of ways compared to other seasons. As mentioned before Scott does alot of things to powergame, and one of those is building his base in the corner of the map where it is harder to attack (he even says this outright in 3L). The Scottage, however, is dead centre in the LL map and causes him endless amounts of mostly southlander-induced grief. He also acts somewhat like he believes he is inferior to her on occasion (likely egged on by the previously mentioned power dynamic their alliance is built on), such as when he complains that people keep assuming Pearl built their house when he did (implying people believe Pearl is the more skilled builder), whereas Scott in other seasons very rarely ever shows any sign of insecurity.

Their relationship is not without a hint of darkness, as Pearl is essentially blind to Scott's feelings regarding her both positive and negative. In return, Scott is also unaware I'd argue to the end that Pearl valued him simply for him rather than what he could bring her, as I think that's a concept Scott struggles with in all of his relationships. Which leads to The Horrors.

TLDR; LL Scott/Pearl is awesome. Pearl is a wild card in Scott's life that changes up alot of things that are foundational to him. But I think that scares him because:

Double Life

Throws up. thinking about it.

I think this is where my thoughts on Scott/Pearl differ from a lot of people because I don't think Pearl feels anything more for Scott than a want to have back what they had in LL or at least closure for why he left her.

It's been awhile since I've watched her POV but I remember it being a big deal to me that Pearl never referred to Scott with any romantic terms. I think she says "soulmate" at some point but within the context of DL that word loses a lot of its connotation. Plus she was upset at Cleo too, although most of her ire was directed at Scott (imo because of the soulmate thing but also because they'd been allies for longer in LL).

Scott, on the other hand, outright accuses Pearl of "cheating" on him and starts to push the "crazy ex-girlfriend" angle onto her hard throughout the season. Despite Pearl never acknowledging anything resembling romantic in their relationship beforehand. At one point, Pearl breaks into his house and proclaims that she's just going to live there from now on, to which Scott says "this is why I'm gay."

The crazy ex/yandere thing was much more something Scott framed her as than anything she actually was, as her initial desire was to reunite with Scott AND Cleo and her insane giggly persona was something she adapted after Scott had started imposing that character onto her.

Adding to that, I do think if Pearl was actually romantically interested in Scott, she would've expressed it already during LL when the two were most close or even after DL when Scott gets a lot more brazen with the way he talks to Pearl. That isn't to say that she cares any less for Scott than he does with her, I just don't think the word "boyfriend" ever entered the equation for Pearl.

As for Scott, things get a little muddier. I think he's weird about Pearl because he's weird about romance and women in general. Scott has a very idealized vision of romance and operates under a certain belief system that he is doing everything with the goal of eventually achieving the happily ever after he desires (e.g. his 3L ending) - I think it's interesting how many times he emphasizes "fate" in 3L with him and Jimmy's relationship (as well as how that plays into other series, like esmp1).

With that in mind I think it's not too far a reach to say that Scott probably views the "soulmate" title differently to Pearl and sees the romantic connotations where Pearl doesn't. However he clearly isn't uncomfortable with a woman being his "soulmate" (despite the "this is why I'm gay" remark), as he calls Cleo his "chosen soulmate", so the issue is definitely with Pearl specifically. In my mind the key difference between Pearl and Cleo, in relation to Scott, is that the former acts to challenge Scott's beliefs about himself and the world whereas Cleo acts as a reinforcement. I can expand on that but this isn't the Scott/Cleo post and it's plenty long already so I'll spare you for now.

To clarify: I don't think I can definitively say Scott feels anything romantically for Pearl either. He definitely is stranger about her than she is to him, but his worldview regarding romantic attraction is very idealized to a point where it's hard to draw the line at where the performativeness begins and ends. e.g. I do think he loved Jimmy but I don't think he was initially romantically attracted to Jimmy.

Scott throws around romantic terms very liberally too, as seen in 3L when he referred to Scar as Grian's husband, so I think it's reasonable enough to assume that he just does that thing where he sees a relationship reach a certain level of fondness and assumes that it must be romantic and applies that to his own relationship with Pearl or assumes Pearl must operate by the same logic and so her pursuit of him must be romantic.

So, with that all being said: Pearl specifically having the "soulmate" title freaks Scott out because it makes his assumptions about his feelings for her real and acknowledging this would send him down an identity crisis spiral OR a worldview crisis spiral both of which would make him immediately explode. His relationship with Cleo is casual and alliance-y enough for him to not be uncomfortable with the same title being used for her.

As such, he abandons her, taking out the root cause of his discomforts and possibly projects his own feelings onto her through the "crazy ex-girlfriend" stuff. That second part I admit is a bit of a stretch and dubiously sourced but if anyone wants more about that ask me about Scott's views on women in general sometime.

Scott never actually hated Pearl, he hates himself but he doesn't allow himself to admit that so he has to hate Pearl for making him this way instead. Unfortunately Pearl lacks the tools and context to protect herself from him or help him, so she only ends up reinforcing what he believes.

Pearl's line at the end about how she forgives him is. Dubious at best to me. She certainly doesn't act like she has in the future and I think it was more born of her need to believe he still cared to some capacity, to the point where even that could be read as a sign of affection.

Limited Life

Limlife Scott/Pearl is hilarious because they're both very not over DL and while Scott does his thing where he likes to pretend none of his feelings from previous seasons carries over, Pearl is a little shit to him the whole time.

I honestly don't have a lot to say here other than that they're both very spiteful this season, Pearl more obviously than Scott, and Scott killing her in the end without a word is horror to me. I wrote a thing once about the part where Pearl says he looks like a rat if that's interesting.

It is a little bit sad to me how Pearl almost resembles her LL self at times despite claiming to be in red mode, very mischievously giggling to herself when she refuses to return the Mean Gills enchanter. Except this time Scott does not entertain her antics whatsoever and even feels victimized by them.

Side note I think Nosy Neighbours and Mean Gills are a great parallel to look at and I'm sad more people don't talk about the similarities between those two.

Secret Life

This is the season where Scott either lets the mental illness overtake him completely or acquires an entire new one because. jesus fuck.

Scott is still doing his thing where he pretends to not hold onto feelings from previous seasons and says - TO Pearl - that he and Pearl are over their differences.

Very early on in the series, Scott runs into Pearl and, after she's out of earshot, says to the camera "you guys are obsessed with flower husbands, when really it's just been me and Pearl," which is a very. Odd thing to say considering what's happened so far. Not only does it feel very out of character for him to even imply he's aware he never truly cared for Jimmy as a partner, this very casual outright acknowledgment of the perceived romantic tension he believes he has with Pearl, despite everything he did previously to fight it off, is so very strange. If it wasn't for this one line I don't think I'd feel as confident saying Scott feels more for Pearl than Pearl does for Scott, but he did say that and he's insane for it.

Not only that, right before that, Pearl (having just bumped into him) says something about it being strange that they keep finding eachother, to which Scott says that it must be "fate". Shudders.

He also waits for her to leave before saying the line comparing her to Jimmy, implying at least some level of self-consciousness. I guess he's ready to say those thoughts aloud to himself, but not directly to Pearl?

This isn't the only instance of Scott being strange about Pearl this season. Later, when Scott gets a task to get three people to say "love you" to him, he spends extra long trying to bait it out of Pearl, which is the same scene he says they're both over what happened in DL. He actually incorrectly uses the term "trauma bond" here, which is really funny to me but also very Freudian slip of him.

Pearl doesn't say it back and Scott teases her with this come the next episode where he playfully cites it as a reason he doesn't want her near his base, where Pearl finally entertains him with an equally playful "love you, Scott," which is apparently enough for him.

The Jimmy parallels continue here as well, since Scott also unsuccessfully tried to do the same thing with him in Limlife and, unlike all the other people who he didn't succeed getting those words out of as part of his task that episode, Jimmy and Pearl's rejections are the only ones he commented on afterwards.

There's smaller instances too, such as him chasing after Pearl on his horse throwing bread at her when Pearl baited him into helping her with her task or him being all too comfortable with having Pearl around his alliance despite acting antagonistic to her allies (snidely saying under his breath "she wants you to win..." when Bdubs mentions Pearl's promise to him, or refusing to take Joel in as an ally, are examples).

In my humble opinion. Scott is maybe overcorrecting. He probably does feel guilt for DL and LimL and desperately wants Pearl back, but he's allergic to self-reflection so his way of getting there is to write everything off as water under the bridge (we're cool now, Pearl! Right Pearl.Right Pearl. Right) and dive into trying to claw out any sign of affection from Pearl to confirm to himself that she still cares. Loves him, you could even say. I still don't really know what to make of that line where he compares their relationship to FH but. Whatever.

You might've noticed at this point that this section is very lacking in half of this duo. Where the fuck is Pearl. I haven't really talked about her because, in all honesty, I don't think she really cared that much for Scott this season.

She certainly still wants to be friends with him again, that much is evident by her entertaining his "love you" bullshit, but she was much more concerned about the Mounders and Gem that season. Scott trying to push him abandoning her back in DL to the side probably didn't sit right with her, since she actually agrees with him when he says that, but later hunts him down specifically saying that they had unfinished business from DL.

TLDR Pearl pretty much avoids any confrontation with Scott until she snaps at the end, but is still wrestling with her need to have him back.

I think it's super upsetting how, after all the clinging onto Pearl, Scott ends his season by murdering her friends and running away from her when she chases him down. He wants her back so desperately but he would literally rather die than have to deal with the confrontation.

Real Life

I don't count this one as canon.

If I have to say anything I'd say this is evidence Pearl has memory issues or murdered Scarlet Pearl in her sleep.

Uh yeah that's about it. Fellas is it gay to like a girl so much you have to kill yourself

[petrasdisapproves]

𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐘𝐄𝐒, 𝐈'𝐦 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐀𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐧.

I'm going to write the obvious things now, but I need to remind myself (and those who need it): It's 𝙊𝙆𝘼𝙔 to look at the same character from different angles. Analyze and interpret his actions and words in different ways. Have your own vision of a romantic relationship with this character.

What I'm trying to say is, it's 𝙊𝙆𝘼𝙔 if you see Astarion as a lost and vulnerable character or just a damn charming manipulator. If he actually has a complex personality or just an arrogant and sassy vampire for you. If you like the more vulnerable or strong sides of him. If you see him as a victim or as a villain. As a bad guy who has a chance on redemption, who can become a better version of himself, even a hero perhaps, - or as a magnificent bastard who doesn't need and doesn't wish to change anything about himself. Or you can see 𝘢𝘭𝘭 that in him at once! (and still love him for it.) :D

This also applies to the relationship with Astarion. If you see a character as bisexual/pansexual, or perhaps in your opinion he is more into women/man/other, that's fine. Ascended or spawn can love your tav or durge, regardless of their race and gender, because the game still allows to romance him. In your headcanons, Astarion can also have a unique interaction with your character. For example, they can be cheeky and insolent, have more 'hot' type of dynamic, or on the contrary - they can be more tender and soft with each other, because Astarion can behave unusual with his partner when he opens his heart. Astarion can have wild passionate sex with your tav/durge 24/7 if you wish, so they won't get out of their tent/cozy chambers any time soon. Or maybe in your story he still needs time to adjust and has yet to learn how to make physical contact without unpleasant feelings and memories of the past hunting him. Perhaps in your headcanon Astarion doesn't need sex at all (for a while or permanently). Or maybe he's not against polyamory and intimate experiments. Your Astarion can be the top. Or he can be the bottom. ( just like he can be big or a small spoon in your relationships :) ).

AND YES. If you prefer Astarion's ending as Ascended vampire or as a spawn... 𝙄𝙏'𝙎 𝙎𝙏𝙄𝙇𝙇 𝙊𝙆𝘼𝙔! If you want a luxurious life with your Ascended Vampire Daddy (sorry couldn't help it ;D), you can have it. If you see AscendedA as a man who hides his vulnerability and insecure behind a display of power and dominant behaviour, who still in love with your tav/durge and perhaps scared they might leave him one day or that they fond of him only for his charms and power, then this is 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣. But if you see AscendedA as a manipulator and a liar, a cruel tyrant who has become the worst version of himself, who does not know love and would just use/abuse you, this is also 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣.

Same for the spawnA ending. You can see different type of progress in this path, how Astarion breaks a vicious cycle of violence and abuse, his personal growth and how he is overcoming his fears and weaknesses by trusting you in the moment of choice during the ritual. You can see this as a way of story where Astarion had sacrificed the sun and power, but where you saved him from himself and opened another door - the one where he will learn another meaning of freedom. Where he will discover other possibilities in his future, where his personality/behaviour remained unchanged or even improved in the way he couldn't even think of. And he will certainly find other values in his life, as well as he will learn more of himself, like 'what he is' now, when Cazador gone. He can enjoy adventures and dangers just as AscendedA enjoys ruling from the Crimson palace. SpawnA can love your durge/tav because he 𝘊𝘏𝘖𝘖𝘚𝘌𝘚 to, because you are equal and have a deep bond built on trust. Not because he clings to you as you were his lifeline or a safe blanket. Or on the contrary, you can see like spawn completely dependent on you, sacrificing everything just for you. Perhaps without your tav/durge, he will never feel happy and free again, perhaps his world is currently limited to you. Perhaps in your opinion, this ending actually is not best for him and his future seems rather pathetic and poor.

So my point is. These are 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙨 and 𝙮𝙤𝙪 have the right to fantasize as much as you like, 𝙖𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙞𝙢𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙤𝙣 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙨, 𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙞𝙣 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙚𝙨 𝙙𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙛𝙞𝙘 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚. Just remember: 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮. Baldur's Gate is a roleplay game, damn it. No one has the right to judge how you play it, either your choices or opinions in the different matters. Or your headcanons. We all looking for comfort in something specific for ourselves, we all need different things to escape from reality, and that's why we here. We have our own experiences and traumas, own worldviews and own understanding of what's right and wrong. During the interaction with other people, we can feel them on different levels, as well as perceive and analyze same characters from certain angles. And simply as that, 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙩𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙙𝙞𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩. And it's fine.

For me, Astarion is a complex character who you can discuss and talk about endlessly, because - honestly? - there is NOT ENOUGH content in the game to make an unambiguous verdict on all issues related to his personality and story. A lot of ideas and scenario stuff for Astarion has been cut from the game even before the release, a lot has been changed in process and a lot of content leaved unfinished. But we have what we have, and I'm still happy with that, because I still get to enjoy character, and it also thanks to modders and people who makes headcanons, screenshots and all kind of friendly content with that charming brat.

I sincerely believe that everyone has the right to interpret Astarion in their own way, as well as to have their own imaginary future with a fictional vampire, damn it. Every tav/durge can have their own happiness with him, whatever it may be, no matter how they see it. Everyone chooses and goes their own path with Astarion. And it is precisely these different headcanons that makes your couple and this vampire unique. <3 𝙋𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙡𝙡. *drops the microphone*

[beatmyfeet]

She gives the orders I give the pleasure

Camille and Marc met at a casual get-together among friends. Both were drawn to the other's genuineness and simplicity. Love blossomed organically between them, and it wasn’t long before they decided to embark on the journey of shared life.

Initially, their relationship followed a more traditional dynamic. Camille handled household duties, while Marc, more often away due to his job, played the role of the primary financial provider. However, as years passed, Camille climbed the rungs in her professional field, emerging as a dominant figure. She possessed not only astute strategic vision but also a knack for balanced and wise decision-making.

On the flip side, Marc began to feel the weight of the constant pressures from his job. He started exploring his passions, notably cooking and the arts. He found immense joy in pampering Camille, surprising her with gourmet meals, and creating a cozy ambiance at home.

One evening, amid a deep discussion about the future and their aspirations, Camille broached the idea of a Female-Led Relationship (FLR). She had never considered it before, but the concept oddly seemed to align with the natural evolution of their relationship. Marc, always open-minded and inquisitive, was keen to explore this dynamic.

The shift wasn’t immediate. They had to navigate through their insecurities, fears, and societal stereotypes. Yet, from their dialogues emerged a mantra: "She gives the orders, I give the pleasure." For Camille, this meant she could lead their relationship drawing from her insight and intuition. For Marc, it indicated an opportunity to discover his strength in delivering joy and comfort to Camille’s life.

Camille found a distinct liberation in this new dynamic. She felt empowered, knowing Marc stood by her, not as a mere follower but as a partner celebrating her lead. Marc, in turn, experienced deep satisfaction in dedicating himself to Camille’s well-being, deriving joy from the minutest details, from romantic surprises to intimate moments shared.

Their friends and family were taken aback by this shift. While some were skeptical, others were in awe. But for Camille and Marc, the FLR dynamic wasn't about a power play but a genuine exploration of individual strengths.

Their story stands as a testament that love doesn’t conform to a single mold. Every couple can define their own dynamic, in tune with their desires, aspirations, and personal growth. For Camille and Marc, "She gives the orders, I give the pleasure" wasn’t just a mantra—it was a reflection of a bond built on mutual respect, trust, and admiration.

She Gives the Orders, I Give the Pleasure: Dynamics of a Female-Led Relationship

In the realm of relationships, myriad dynamics exist. From traditional to modern, every couple establishes a rhythm that harmonizes with their individual personalities. Among these diverse dynamics is the Female-Led Relationship (FLR), where traditional roles are often flipped or rearranged, carving a unique space of mutual respect and understanding. At the heart of this dynamic, you'll often find a mantra of sorts: "She gives the orders, I give the pleasure."

At first glance, this may seem like a simple exchange of roles, but beneath the surface, it is far more intricate.

She Gives the Orders

An FLR is defined not by dominance, but by leadership. The woman in such a relationship takes on the primary decision-making role. This isn't about superiority, but about trust. The man trusts her judgment, her wisdom, and her insight. She may determine the financial strategy of the household, make major life decisions, or even establish certain rules or boundaries in the relationship.

But let's be clear, her role is not about imposing dictatorship. It's about navigating the relationship ship through life's vast ocean, steering clear of tempests and ensuring both reach their desired haven. The man isn’t rendered powerless or voiceless; he has entrusted her with this leadership, finding solace in her capability.

I Give the Pleasure

This is not merely a reference to the physical. Pleasure, in this context, is multifaceted. It refers to emotional, mental, and physical contentment. The man’s primary focus is on ensuring her happiness, her well-being, and her satisfaction. This dedication doesn't diminish him but rather empowers him. His strength is showcased in his ability to cater, understand, and respond to her needs and desires. In doing so, he often finds his own fulfillment.

The pleasure aspect is a symphony of acts - from understanding her emotions, supporting her ambitions, to even those intimate moments shared. It's about creating a space of absolute comfort and ensuring she feels valued, cherished, and adored.

Mutual Growth and Understanding

An FLR, like any other relationship, thrives on mutual respect and understanding. "She gives the orders, I give the pleasure" isn’t about one side having an upper hand. It's about playing to each other's strengths, understanding each other's roles, and growing together as partners.

In society, this dynamic might challenge conventional relationship norms. But love is not confined by convention. It is defined by the people in it and the joy they derive from it. For those in a female-led relationship, this unique dynamic offers a space where both can flourish, guided by trust and mutual admiration.

In conclusion, an FLR is not a challenge to the norms but a testament to the versatility of love and relationships. In a world that continues to evolve, relationships, too, adapt, finding new ways to express love, trust, and commitment.

[xiulric]

On SV fics and jin lan city AU fanfics

Jin lan city is one of my fave arcs in SV bc we have all this wonderful tension coming to a head. Sqq's devotion to binghe turned over its head, into fear and animosity

meanwhile binghe laboriously built himself up, meticulously planned and manipulated his way into a favorable political position both in the demon realm and as a huan hua disciple

despite his anger and resentment. he thinks this will prove to shizun that hes still valuable. bc xin mo digs its claws into binghes insecurity: sqq either rejected him bc of his demon heritage, or worse. sqq found him unlovable, the person who knew him best, saw the core of who he is, found him insufficient

hell. maybe this was a long con years in the making, sqq hated him since they met, and then only pretended to be nice to binghe so that sqqs betrayal would hurt more

and all this planning bites him in the ass!!!! it makes shizun resent him more!!!

some fics make the mistake of dissolving this tension too early. for the sake of speeding up the bingqiu cuddles

and like i think thats a waste bc those same misunderstandings, when resolved with good storytelling, lead to a satisfying conclusion that makes bingqiu feel deeper, with a stronger connection ! 

so anyway theres so many ways the jin lan meeting post abyss couldve gone. RIPE with potential for a variety of fun fanfic scenarios!!!

ive seen truth serum jin lan city aus, or obedience spell aus. even ones where sqq forces a soul connection so binghe. cant kill him without hurting himself

point is!! SO MANY OPTIONS

but my absolute favourite jin lan city aus, the most ironic, juicy, and hardest to execute imo :

aus where Binghe realizes something baffling about his shizun. the key to successfully manipulating SQQ and resolving this post-abyss misunderstanding.

its not through demonic power, prestige, manners or huan hua palace.

it's by binghe showing the most unlovable, weak side of himself. that makes sqq crumble like wet tissue paper IN AN INSTANT

if binghe in jin lan city cries, if hes hurt or sick, sqq will be there to help him immediately despite sqqs fear of binghe

sqq is so so weak to white lotus binghe that he would risk getting mauled by the demon emperor. bc he cant hold back his own need to coddle binghe

a sub point to this same weakness sqq has; jin lan aus where binghe pushes the limit of "how far will shizun go to pamper me?"

that one is tricky bc. it can sound OOC if written without believable buildup

disciple white lotus binghe is aware that sqq favours him; sqq vastly prefers binghes cooking over any other food. sqq got without-a-cure for binghes sake. binghe is head disciple.

but its not always that binghe realizes how FAR sqq would go to coddle binghe, and worse, sqq justifies it and lies to himself about it. "its only what binghe is owed! hes the protagonist! this world was built for him!"

so in some delicious jin lan aus, binghe goes; ok ok. shizun hates me now. but when i hug him.. he doesnt push me away? when i kill all the sowers, and jin lan proclaims me a hero, and i ask for shizuns hand in marriage... he doesnt DENY it to me??

shizun doesnt look happy. but he goes along willingly!?!?!?  WHAT IS GOING ON

basically it leads to more misunderstandings before a resolution BUT ITS SO JUICY!? SQQ's love for binghe vs his lying to himself about loving binghe! a truth he can hardly admit in the privacy of his mind !

and binghes confusion blending with his delight and the stinging betrayal of 3 years ago!!! CHEFS KISS

example below of this dynamic; from Sadie Hawkins fic by X_los

[metalichotchoco]

Honestly what I’d like to see in more ihnmaims media if we ever get any is the relationships between survivors, here’s my take, picking and choosing from each version of canon.

Ellen is the most stable so her relationships will be saved for another part

In the triangle that is ted, Gorrister and Benny it’s a vicious cycle

Ted and Benny have a complicated mutual hate towards one another they both play to their most deep insecurities. Ted already believes that everyone hates him due to being “better” or not broken the way they’ve been so it’s not hard for him to antagonize people anyways. For Benny’s part ted provokes his complexes about sexuality, animalisticness and the difference between the weak and strong. For as much as ted is a lying narcissistic criminal, he’s shameless about it, about his nature he cares about the consequences not the actions. Benny cannot own his actions at all, there’s a disconnect between the educated, handsome former general and professor and the aggressive,almost feral war criminal he is. Ted is very self centered but doesn’t handle slights to his ego well, Benny in his non mutated form is much more successful and traditionally attractive than him. God he even deludes himself into thinking am changed Benny’s “size” in the book. Both of their moralities are twisted and it’s not hard to imagine them being snippy when they both have the mind to think properly. They are also coincidentally am’s favorite victims.

I do think it would be in character for both of them to make snide remarks about gorrister’s former hippie status, he’d be seen as an extreme liberal since this book takes its characters from the dawn of the Cold War, just after ww2. Most of Benny’s pride and identity came from being in the military so that’s obvious to see how that’d pan out, whereas ted seems like the type to not care about politics unless it directly relates to him. His problems come from the idea of people not centering their lives around money or power.

Individually there’s some fun dynamics to be had. Ted in general would think gorrister is a bore. For a person who likes stories, ted finds non fiction exhausting. Gorrister likes talking about history and politics even though his spark has faded out. It’s a bit funny that Ted believes am has changed Gorrister too despite his symptoms sounding much more like being worn out and becoming depressed. It’s not like he’d really consider that a real condition though. Gorrister just finds ted to be a bit annoying. An attention seeker but he figures ted was always just a weird kind of guy.

Gorrister is mostly ambivalent to his forever roommates, though he would consider Benny a war dog past his prime. A key example of what happens to soliders, men forced to kill and then given power. Then as soon as it’s given, it’s taken away and you’re left with an unstable pitiable person. How could they go back to living a normal life after that. With am being a literal war machine made by the government Benny put so much trust in, he finds it poetic in a sober way. Benny finds Gorrister very confusing, he never understood protesters before anyways. He would’ve found him preachy if he had met him beforehand. Gorrister does threaten his masculinity though, like ted he’s a brand that’s not the ultra traditional that he’s built himself around. Gorrister freely admits that he’s had queer experiences while still carrying a traditional masculine job, a truck driver. He can’t be put into that stereotypical box that’s nice and safe for Benny. It’s also good to mention that Benny is soothed by gorrister’s stories even if in that scene he wasn’t fully there.

Both ted and Gorrister see the clear closet case that is Benny but they don’t act on that knowledge. Both of them believe that being a solider sucks but for different reasons. Ted thinks it’s for suckers who get caught up in manipulation tactics going on about morals. Gorrister also believes they are manipulated but also sees the horrors of war as that, horrors. Basically he takes a more empathic view. Gorrister and Benny both agree that Ted is annoying but not in the way ted himself thinks everyone hates him. He’s very loud and shows off his now eternal youth. They are not even sure if the man did or did not graduate college. Gorrister doesn’t mind breaking laws but he does care about people’s wellbeing whereas Benny’s stricter about following the script but he’s done worse so he doesn’t have room to talk.

[topgun-imagines]

Happy anniversary!!! Really looking forward to your future writing! :)

🍓 + Jake

Thank you Lovely!! :)

Never Forgive You Jake Seresin x Female!Reader | Your trust and love for Jake is not enough sometimes. warnings: cheating, angst, fighting, pregnancy, heartbreak. @topguncortez

The Final Sunset Jake Seresin x Wife!Reader | Jake takes you to feel the sun on your skin one last time. warnings: death, sadness, cancer, grief. @topguncortez

Squirt Jake Seresin x Female!Reader | Jake is determined to make you feel things like you've never felt before. warnings: unprotected sex, daddy kink. @topguncortez

In The Night Jake Seresin x Wife!Reader | Jake helps you live out one of your sexual fantasies. warnings: CNC, usage of sleeping pills (melatonin), talks of safe words, vaginal fingering, oral sex (F) receiving. @topguncortez

Floydsin As Dad's Jake Seresin x Bob Floyd | warnings: pregnancy, mentions of needles, mentions of vomiting, mentions of failed adoptions, labor. @topguncortez

Undiagnosed Katie Blair grew up trying to be the perfect daughter. She always struggled to be the prim and proper little girl her parents wanted. Big personality as a kid, but now at 25, she's the shy admiral's daughter who just keeps her head down and tries to get through law school. So what happens when she's had enough and with help from a certain Lieutenant, she gets out. General Warnings: Angst, smut, asshole parents, trauma response, Jake is a jerk at first. @callsign-magnolia

You Might Want To Step Aside two times your boyfriend and twin brother had to stand up for you, and the one time you shocked them by doing it yourself. warnings: anxiety, shy reader, protective Hangman, protective Bob, insecure reader, self doubt. @awaywith-thefaeries

Roughing It Jake Seresin begged you, his best friend to go camping with him and Bradley Bradshaw—but not for the innocent reasons you might think. A simple camping trip turns into something much more unholy. Callsign— Giggles Warnings: Jake Seresin x F!Reader. Bradley Bradshaw x F!Reader. Unprotected sex. Male receiving oral. Choking. MxMxF Threesome. Creampie. Obvious power dynamics. @ohtobeleah

Always A Bridesmaid Bradley tells all the guys at his wedding that his little sister is off limits… But when has Jake ever listened to Rooster? Warnings: a teeny bit of angst, mentions of alcohol, drinking, smut, oral (m + f receiving), unprotected pinv, slight overstimulation, age gap (not really specified but reader is around 23-24 yrs old, jake is in his early 30s), jake being too damn charming for his own good, rooster being a very overprotective big brother, jake being a menace, and natasha being the best sister-in-law, for the sake of this story we’re gonna pretend that Goose died a few years later than what is canon to explain how Bradley has a sister that’s 10+ years younger than him lol @sugarcoated-lame

Middle Of A Memory Jake Seresin was an asshole, everyone knew it. He flew with confidence and held a cocky smirk. Behind every cocky smirk and snark remark was you, built into his memories, memories he always lived in. Warnings: 18+,mentions of alcohol, mentions of flying accidents, mentions of death, swearing, angst and of course fluff. @sunnysidevans

Who Did This To You? In your most vulnerable hour, Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin is the one to find you, and the one to ask you the ultimate question. “Who did this to you?” Warnings: Mentions of Abuse and DV (NOT committed by Jake), nongraphic description of resulting injuries, a very one-sided bar fight, mention that a character is going to therapy, insults and confrontation by a past abuser. (This story is a who did this to you trope. While it is only dealing with the 'who did this to you’ aftermath of what was done, please keep that in mind.) @justfandomwritings

Join In!

[kimbureh]

TBB Hunter's failed leadership

the point isn't that Hunter is a bad leader, the point is that he tries to be a leader at all. The clone wars are over and the Bad Batch are deserters. They're not in the army anymore. They hold onto the command chain simply out of habit, not out of necessity.

When Crosshair tells Hunter he's a bad leader, he voices his hurt in the shape of hierarchy, cuz that's all they've known so far. But what he's really saying is that Hunter is a bad friend/brother.

Ironically, the way for Hunter to be a better friend would mean for him to drop the power play hidden underneath his soft empty phrases of togetherness, and treat his team mates as equals instead of holding onto a command chain out of insecurity.

The way it is, Hunter can fulfill neither role; both the leader and the friend. That's why the role of a father takes up most of his attention, the father-daughter dynamic with Omega having a built-in power imbalance that feels so familiar to him even though it's different from military hierarchy.

And because Hunter is neither leader, neither friend, Crosshair has trouble to voice his own need appropriately. Crosshair thinks he wants a leader (and hierarchy), when in fact he yearns for a friend meeting him eye to eye.

[sugasiren]

~MOON 🌕 IN THE 8TH SYNASTRY~

**FYI: This is my very first blog post! 🦋

"WhOoo FeELs It MoORe?" - is the question everyone always asks. My Answer: BOTH of us feel that sh-t!! 💯 We're just playing Different Roles within our overwhelmingly intoxicating & binding dynamic.

The Exception: When one or both of you isn't PHYSICALLY attracted to the other whatsoever. Then, it's a wrap. Otherwise, it's GAME ON.

Being a natal 8H Venus w/ 1H Pluto - I'm very acquainted with this energy. I *must* have some form of Plutonian contact in my Romantic Relationships. 🔥 Period. MOON in the 8th is one of my personal favorites within synastry.

I've primarily been the MOON PERSON in my connections. 🌕 I can think of at least (3) scenarios. All of these gentlemen initiated deeper contact with me. Insane sexual tension was present right OUT OF THE GATE. 👄They were patient and each one "studied" me and built a real foundation with me. Eventually, they started sharing deep secrets with me & I with them. We often "counseled" one another on a wide range of things. Even started dreaming about each other! Then... their possessive streak & sexual desire began emanating from their pores. 🔥 And I could *feel* them wanting to envelop my entire freaking soul (just like Hades for Persephone) with primal abandon.  And you know what?? I wanted that sh-t! To be transformed & ravished... Mind, Body & Soul. ❤ They were the powerful YANG to my sensuous YIN. My (Moon) presence was healing & rather comforting for them. While they made me feel very protected in turn.

However, we did deeply trigger each other at certain times as well. Manipulation & mind games can ensue if insecurity starts to rear its head. 💯 The HOUSE Person can potentially start to HATE how vulnerable or "out of control" they feel while in the presence of the Moon Person. Not everyone is used to being *consumed* with deep desire & powerful emotion! The MOON Person is equally invested and isn't as afraid - but may or may not start mirroring their partner's torn behavior. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Maturity is surely a MUST with this energy along with a willingness to trust. If you both can push through your fear... this can become the marriage of a LIFETIME with a passionate bond that continues to grow immensely and never fades.

~The House Person = The DOM or The ARTIST. 😎 You are on THEIR territory. They set the rules & the pace of your connection. You have trust, respect & deep admiration for them - they are your Rock! 💪 You lust for them.

~The Moon Person = The BRATTY SUB or The MUSE. ⚘ You choose *when* you will surrender and *what* your boundaries are. You are the House Person's greatest inspiration! They are in AWE of you. They aren't happy unless YOU are happy - you are their Sunshine w/ a sip of Moonshine. ☀️

I do feel that Moon Synastry is the most potent & profound you can experience overall. 🌕 So how have 8th House connections played out for you?! 🔥 And which Role were you in?

**THIS scene below from 'Bridgerton' is a perfect example of this (MOON 8H) all-consuming energy between two people earlier in a connection. 💕 "You are the bane of my existence... and the object of ALL my desires" is exactly what Anthony (8H Person) feels about Kate (Moon) and it's just so damn delicious!

[crystalsenergy]

𝐏𝐋𝐔𝐓𝐎 𝐃𝐘𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐒 - 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐋𝐘, 𝐄𝐍𝐕𝐘 🎭🧿

understanding Pluto's unconscious dynamics (to avoid being a toxic, jealous, destructive person)

Note: These are just possibilities. bringing this post to remind you that all placements have their bad sides. the manifestation of this traits as well as the change to a better state of being depends on each one.

we don't have to pretend we aren't also insecure, that we don't have our shadow sides. instead of pretending what we are not, let's work on these issues consciously.

𝐏𝐋𝐔𝐓𝐎 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐒

Pluto in 1st house: envy of other people's self-esteem, problems with accepting to see others winning and accomplishing things. not being able to wish the best for other people in terms of projects. envy of the personal achievements of others. problems with wanting someone to win, always wanting to win. envy of someone else's body.

Pluto in 2nd house: envy of other people's stability, feelings of comparison in relation to the material life of the other, irritability with other people's values, with other people's morals, envy of other people's financial conditions.

Pluto in 3rd house: envy of the intelligence of others, comparison of your ability to learn with that of the other, envy of the knowledge that a person has, envy of a person's abilities. envy someone's communication skills.

Pluto in 4th house: envy of other people's emotional growth, irritability with intimacy and emotional connection in other people's relationships, discomfort in front of a intimate family, projection of oneself in other people's family matters. envy of someone else's home,

Pluto in 5th house: envy of the success of others, comparison, projection of your ego on the other, feeling of inferiority. envy of the expression of others, of artistic abilities, envy of the self-confidence. problems with happiness, which can be manifested in several problems, such as a difficulty being around children and light people. not being able to relax and enjoy life because you have issues with it and, in the end, you feel "angry" at the happiness of others. you can't be happy seeing others being praised: you live comparing yourself.

Pluto in 6th house: discomfort with the organization of others, envy of the other's routine, the care of the other with him/herself, discomfort with the other's health. person who sees her/himself as the unlucky because she/he can't stop having health problems, but sees healthy people and envy them, doesn't wish them well. envy of the other's ability to help and serve.

Pluto in 7th house: envy of other people's relationships, envy of what appears to have harmony, for not achieving the same in your life. projection of your relationships onto others. uncomfortable in relation to partnerships of others: marriage, business. envy of the other's ability to be harmonious and not quarrelsome.

Pluto in 8th house: envy of the deep bonds of others, envy of the intimacy of others, envy of the power of others, annoyance in relation to the spiritual openness of others, projection in the deep situations of the other. envy of the other's capacity for regeneration and "rebirth". envy of the other's spiritual wealth and spiritual awareness.

Pluto in 9th house: envy of other people's optimism, uncomfortable with very open and diverse views of things, difficulty accepting that things are going to get better, having some repulsion towards optimism (exactly because you can't accept that your life can work out). envy of the courage of others. fear of deep knowledge, although therein lies what you may need to grow.

Pluto in 10th house: envy of others' social position, envy of others' professional growth abilities, uncomfortable with someone's good relationship with their parents and authority figures. envy of someone else's professional happiness, envy of someone's notoriety. aversion to prestige, popularity of others. uncomfortable in relation to the structure that the other has built. not being able to deal with a person's self-confidence in what they want to be (career, path in life in general). envy of the reputation of others.

Pluto in 11th house: envy of a person's ability to make friends. envy of your own friendships. not being able to make friends because you have trouble socializing without getting lost in the middle of it (becoming dependent or very fixated on just that group). envy anyone who has such ability. not being able to get involved in social causes and having a certain aversion to those who do so. not allow yourself to dream, envy dreamers.

Pluto in 12th house: envy of the empathy, discomfort towards those who show understanding and compassion to the other, reluctance to accept and approve altruism and sacrifices from others, as you may have extreme difficulty in doing the same for others. projections in relation to more internal problems of others: not understanding this facet of the other easily because you can't understand yourself easily. envy of one's evolutionary consciousness.