#and people in the communities who aren't impacted by the hate talk about how everyone should be friends and kind to one another

[tiangouaway]

y'all gotta stop reblogging those posts about how fandoms should be safe havens free of drama and politics bc they all end up just being about sweeping fandom bigotry under the rug

[bicheetopuff]

I just saw the worst takes about bnha’s ending on Instagram (three days ago now, as of posting this). So, today we’re gonna talk about Izuocha, shonen homoeroticism, and fandom… not in that order though…

I: Fandom

Fandom culture for all media has basically always been a war zone that you have to actively avoid, usually with two defining sides: people who try to enjoy media the way they want to enjoy it, and the people who say that everyone is wrong and attack others who they don’t agree with. There are shades of gray on both sides, but in general this is usually the case. It’s never been “‘alphabet mafia’ vs ‘normal’” or “fanon vs canon” or “right vs wrong”… I almost always see people having fun being attacked unwarranted (I am not saying that people being legitimately problematic shouldn’t be called out, pls don’t get me wrong. I’m talking about innocent fun!). And I’m not just talking about dudebros attacking shippers, I’ve seen a lot of shippers attack non-shippers/other shippers of a different ship, and it’s almost always people just saying “you’re wrong, I’m right, and your take ruins this media piece of media for everyone else.” That being said, I wanna talk about the highlighted parts of these comments, okay? But first I need to explain the video that these comments were on.

It was a video by @/d_rich7 on Instagram, a big anime creator, talking about this tweet:

To summarize the video, he went on to say that he’s not surprised because bnha has the worst shipping community since Naruto and how Horikoshi probably felt forced into not confirming any ships because of “threats and hate mail” that he got from his fandom. I’ll come back to that but first I’ll talk about some of the comments:

“At least, they can say they weren’t the reason for the downfall of their anime.”

I've seen this take from different parts of the fandom, whether it was in regard to ships, todofam, or the villains. Just because the narrative of a story ends up matching the theories of people you disagree with, doesn't mean the story is going through a downfall. Just accept that you were wrong and move on. It is okay to not like certain aspects of the story and it's okay to discuss and criticize it, but pinning the blame on people who just happened to be right, no matter how much you hate it, is not okay.

“People need to stop demanding the literal CREATOR of a series to do things how they want it done…They to learn it’s not their story to tell…”

“…like I don’t get how people who have no impact on the writing of a story get mad because the CREATORS don’t wanna use their personal ideas.”

“…from now on imma blame the fandom for fucking up the anime/manga, we could’ve had a better ending if it wasn’t for them…”

Outside of the context, I actually agree with the sentiment that fans shouldn't feel so entitled that they think they have any control over the media they're consuming. But, the commenters don't realize that they're doing the exact thing that they’re talking about. They're convinced that the queer shipping community is the reason the creator decided not to confirm any relationship and are pissed off that the ship they were rooting for, didn't happen. Why are they exempt from this rule? Because straight ships are supposed to happen and queer ships aren't? Because the boy is supposed to win the girl at the end in order to develop a good shonen? I'll go into the misogynistic implications of that later.

Other than that, I have seen a lot of people on tumblr get mad about other things, like before, regarding to the villains and todofam drama to the point that they started insulting Hori. Like I said, it's okay to be mad. Being mad about something doesn't make you a bad person but it was never our story to tell. Criticism and hate, are two different things and come off very differently.

“MHA’s fandom is filled to the brim with toxic, no shower taking, furry loving, lgbtq idiots…”

Honestly I added this one because he's right. We're here, we're queer, and we're idiots in the best way possible. However, I think this also says the quiet part out loud when it comes to the hatred towards bnha and it's fandom.

Shipping communities in other fandoms don't get anywhere near as harassed as often as the shipping communities in the bnha fandom despite not being much different. The difference is, a lot of us identify as and are recognized as queer and Hori himself even recognized that the LGBT community especially took a liking to his manga. But, in other fandoms, it's only okay to consider queer ships if they're recognized by the cishet audience.

Most people in the aot fandom don't have an issue with eremin because it was something recognized and memed by straight men, even if it was mostly as a joke. The kny fandom doesn't care about inotan because it was also recognized and memed by straight men. Narusasu doesn't get much hate anymore because the straight men of their fandom also started to recognize the characters weird obsession with each other and it became more difficult to ignore the ship since there was literally multiple accidental kiss scenes--one of the few times where the source material actively encourages shipping. I can keep going too.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, non-shonen animes with majority cishet women as their audience, no one bats an eye at their ships either, because there's not enough men in their communities to tell them they should feel ashamed for their fanon content and their words hold no weight… and there’s a lot less queer people in those fandoms. You see the trend, right? It's almost like queer shipping is perfectly okay and mostly accepted as long as the community is either majority cishet men, or those men grant permission/approval for the specific ships or the piece of media wasn’t “meant for men.” Otherwise, it's seen as gross and cringe.

There was one other community that was kind of similar to bnha in a sense that it was mostly consumed by queer people and cishet men, where there was a lot of discourse on whether the two main characters were queer or not… which is the Buddy Daddies fandom. When the show was airing, those two sides that I talked about earlier were pretty apparent, with people having heated arguments about whether there were queer undertones or not. The cishet men of the fandom didn't give their approval to ship Rei and Kazuki, so it became an issue. Same with JJK now, more so with itafushi though. SatoSugu was given a somewhat stamp of approval but itafushi is still seen as taboo.

However, for some reason, every queer ship and character (even if it's canon) in bnha is seen as something shameful to recognize which I think is very telling considering how large the queer and disabled part of the fandom is. Minorities are being punished for relating to a manga with discrimination as one of it's core themes. Do what you want with that...

“…hate-mail just pushed him over the edge so he just scrapped everything just as punishment to spite them…”

This kind of references rumors from a few years ago about the shipping community sending hate mail and death threats towards Horikoshi and everyone just running with it without doing their research.

Horikoshi did receive death threats but it was about Dr.Garaki's original name which you can read about here. It was mostly the eastern side of the fandom being aggressive, even going as far as posting videos of them burning the volume where Garaki's name was revealed which isn't okay. However, everyone blamed it on the western shipping community... for whatever reason...

There was another instance where people in the western fandom started sending Horikoshi death threats on his twitter because of a chapter about Endeavor getting attacked by Dabi and an Nomu and the Todo family being worried about him, people claiming that Hori "deserved to die" for romanticizing and glorifying abuse (when that wasn't at all the case, I'm genuinely confused on how they interpreted that...). This came out six years ago but somehow is still narrowed down to the queer community and women being toxic... like what? Do you see my point now of it feeling like we need to be granted permission to do certain things in fandom if we don't want to be punished?

Also who was Hori punishing by not confirming any ships? If anything, I’ve seen most shippers appreciative than not…

II: Ochako Uraraka and her relationship with Izuku Midoriya

Back to that point about misogyny that I mentioned earlier...

"...I would have lowkey wish we got to see deku and ochaco end up together since their relationship was hinted from the beginning..."

Quick warning... this is gonna be a long point.

Yes, they were attracted to each other at the beginning, no one is denying that. No one is denying Ochako’s crush either. Izuku’s nervous around her for the first like 50-ish chapters because he's still used to having friends (especially a girl. If you think about it, if his childhood friends were the only friends he had ever had before getting shunned by his community, then he had never had a girl as a friend before... ever) but their relationship eventually mellows out into a normal friendship. Given Ochako and Toga's arc, I don't think Izuocha was ever destined to end romantically.

Toga was desperate to be loved by someone who accepted her for who she was while Ochako was desperate to be able to show love to someone who she truly admired. Ochako wanted to be like Deku and tried for a while until she realized that she couldn’t and shouldn’t want to be like Deku. She thinks he’s amazing but she realizes that she can’t strive to be like him because she’s already like him but wants to change.

(this is kind of off topic but I just want to point out what Ochako said about Toga being sad about not being able to totally become Jin. Correct me if I'm remembering wrong but, Toga was only able to ever transform into Ochako completely, quirk and all. I think there's an analogy there, where her being able to be just like someone possibly means she's in love with them but she convinces herself that she loves everyone equally. I think it's supposed to be saying that "even though you can't be him completely, doesn't mean you don't love him, you just don't love him in the way you thought you did" and I think Ochako realizes that because she possibly had the same realization with Izuku. Becoming him didn't work out for her because she didn't love him the way others told her she did... I guess it wasn't off topic... oh well.)

The highlighted parts can apply to Ochako too if you replace “bloodlust” with “envy”. She suffered the same issue that Toga did with other people telling her how and who to love which made her feel like she was supposed to be jealous.

She didn't like these feelings of jealousy, so she began to unintentionally be like Deku and hide them. I don't think she ever had an issue with loving Deku but she had an issue with the way she convinced herself of how she loved Deku made her feel. It made her feel like she was hiding something because I think she felt conflicted for not loving him the way everyone expected her to. All the way up to her final fight with Toga, we were only getting intel about her crush from other characters. Not her.

There's a lot of Mina just telling her what her feelings are despite Mina canonically not knowing much about love. Her crush has always been projected onto her which is why she's able to relate to Toga so well and wants to be more like her since Toga is able to live as herself so comfortably and broke away from conformity and what's expected of her.

Ochako's crush is only there because it's expected to be and her arc is meant to prove that she can be more than just the MCs love interest. Ochako's projected crush is Horikoshi trying to prove a point about basic shonen tropes which he's done time and time again throughout the story. SHE WANTS TO LIVE AND LOVE HOW SHE PLEASES WITHOUT SOCIETY TELLING HER HOW TO JUST LIKE TOGA WAS ABLE TO DO! I WILL KEEP SAYING IT UNTIL MY THROAT IS RAW AND DUDEBROS BEGIN TO FINALLY UNDERSTAND AND NOT VIEW FEMALE CHARACTERS AS NOTHING MORE THAN EYE CANDY FOR THE MALE CHARACTERS!!!

In the epilogue. she hides her feelings with a smile because she doesn't want to worry anyone (sound familiar?) so it only makes sense that it was Deku who pushed her to let out her feelings despite not practicing what he preaches. So, she embraced her inner Himiko and let out her feelings with her whole face. Those feeling just weren't for Deku... and they shouldn't have to be.

I genuinely feel like (especially with the way dudebros hate queer ships in this fandom) if Ochako was a boy, her arc wouldn't have been so widely misinterpreted. Because if he had talked about how amazing Izuku was and Mina came in and still said "It's love!" most fans would've taken it as a joke and/or even going as far as pointing out that the crush wasn't real because he didn't actually admit to it and it was projected onto him by other characters. But, the world ain't ready for that conversation.

"...I saw it as the fandom tryn to force their ships into the story 100% ruining key moments..."

I mainly added this quote because I thought it was so absurd. How do you see class-a coming to support Ochako as "omg it's the fandom forcing their agenda and controlling Hori through mind control to force their ships into the story and ruin this key moment,"??? Like, is it really so unthinkable that Horikoshi can have creative freedom outside the norm of treating girl characters as a trophy for the MC? You expected Izuku to marry her on the spot while she's having a mental breakdown? It's just... anyways...

III: Old-Gen Shonen Homoeroticism and it's Relation with Internalized Misogyny and how New-Gen is Changing That

The Shonen genre - especially old gen - is notorious for it's accidental misogyny, queerphobia, and racism. It got to the point where it's just kind of expected at this point.

The main one is usually misogyny. A lot of shonen mangaka like to write women as nothing more than eye candy and when they are actually given a personality and power, their character arcs are suddenly ignored/neglected and turned back into eye candy. Take Tsunade and Nezuko for example. We're told that they're important and powerful and yet they rarely do anything and almost never get important speaking lines and when we get to see them in action, the author makes sure to highlight certain parts of their bodies. Nezuko I think is an especially obvious one, being literally muzzled for most of the story, and when she powers up, she grows up and is suddenly given huge boobs...

Almost every shonen girls' character arcs revolves around a man and if not, then their existence is for the sake of a male character. I will say, I havent watched much shonen because of this aspect that's always apparent, but almost every older shonen I've watched, read, or seen other people talk about, it rears its ugly head at least once.

Because of that, most love interests weren’t given enough personality to actually form a meaningful relationship with the MC that the audience - especially female and queer audiences - can connect to. More often than not, it’s “I like her cuz she’s pretty” or “I like her cuz she likes me” and it’s irritating. And since these relationships are so shallow, authors are forced to create an interesting bond between the MC and a different character which usually ends up being the deuteragonist who is usually another boy more often than not. And boys in media written “for boys” are almost never neglected the way a girl would be, which is a sad truth.

These relationships almost always end up feeling like they’re passed the point of friendship and because of that, a lot of women and queer people end up shipping them instead of the canon love interest. Because their relationship being romantic actually makes sense most of the time.

BakuDeku, Eremin, KilluaGon, NaruSasu, ItaFushi, SatoSugu, IsaBachi, HideKan, GenoSai, LawLight, the list can go on for fucking ever.

However, in bnha and BakuDeku’s case, especially when the “canon” relationship with the “canon” love interest wasn’t really developed at all, and we never got a hint from Deku that he liked her, I don’t think this homoeroticism wasn’t intentional. Like with a lot of new-gen, there wasn’t really blatant misogyny towards the “love interest” present to explain away the closeness between the two male leads.

All of the roles a love interest would usually have, were given to Katsuki. He was damseled for Deku to save, he was Deku’s biggest cheerleader, he risked his life to save Deku, he died in Izuku’s honor, he showed up for Izuku when no one else thought to, he showed up to his hospital room and cried over the condition he was in, and then he devoted nearly a decade of his life trying to bring Izuku’s dream back into fruition… He cares so fucking much and Izuku cares right back. And no one can convince me that it was accidentally gay, because Horikoshi literally felt the need to tell AND remind us that Katsuki doesn’t like girls. Plus, like I said before, all of that was done without neglecting Uraraka’s character arc.

But even though all of that is in text, I think shonen bros just expect it while also expecting the main girl and boy to be together… because that’s how it always used to be. It wasn’t until new-gen - starting with mha - started to purposely parody dated shonen tropes and twisting them into their own stories that shonen bros began to feel threatened by queer ships. Because they know that there’s actually a chance of them happening now, and I feel like IzuOcha not being canonized is the beginning of a new trend. And misogynistic anime fans already hate it.

Conclusion - TLDR

uh idk what to say here.

In conclusion, fandom culture kinda sucks because of unexpected reasons, Ochako’s character arc is ignored for the sake of men wanting her to be Izuku’s prize and it’s irritating as fuck, and I think previously accidental homoeroticism in old-gen shonen is becoming purposeful in new-gen shonen as new-gen slowly becomes more progressive and less misogynistic. Oh and bkdk canon ig (I don’t think I’ve ever said that before, strangely enough…)

[many-but-one]

Trauma Informed Biases and TERFs

In light of my ex-best friend being outed as a TERF, I think I want to have a series of discussions. Mainly about the biases that we (community "we") can have and that trauma and biases work hand in hand, and how we cannot allow trauma-informed biases impact our decision making or critical thinking skills, but also a bit about my experiences as a trans man and how being trans yourself doesn't mean you automatically escape transmisogyny. (Spoiler alert: while I'd never say I was transmisogynistic in action, I was in some part biased due to my past traumas, and having a transfemme partner and seeing the way she's treated by others just for existing had to make me rethink everything I understood about what it meant to be a trans woman, which has made me a better person--and I believe a better partner, too.)

First, I'm going to talk a bit about trauma-informed biases. As trauma survivors, we all have them. For example, we were primarily abused by white, Christian men. By all accounts, when we encounter a white, Christian man, we are immediately wary of his intentions. Often without even knowing him or trying to know him, we will already assume he's just like our abusers deep down. While that may sometimes be true, more often than not, a white Christian male who hasn't done much self reflection and growth will mainly just be misogynistic to various degrees and probably not understand the weight of his privilege. That doesn't automatically make him a pedophile who tortures kids like our abusers were.

Branching off from that, and narrowing it down, we get to the meat of the problem, which is men. We have met and known cis men who are by all accounts nothing like our abusers, in fact, the exact opposite. They are sensitive, they are caring, they know their privilege and use it to uplift the voices of their female friends. They are avid supporters of the queer community even if they aren't a part of it. While they are sometimes misguided, they are also always open to learn more and be corrected and change. There are good men out there. However, this doesn't make our bias towards men change. We were hurt by men, we know others who have been hurt by men. People both AFAB and AMAB have been harmed and subjugated by men for centuries, so it's not like it's coming from only our experiences with men.

However, this is where the problem lies. While it's okay to be wary of men for our safety, outright hating ALL men is where it gets dicey. That's where radfem ideology will suck people in, specifically AFAB people. They feel wronged by men, they have been hurt by men, so of course in their mind, men have to pay in some way. Feminism on its own sets to destroy the patriarchy and keep everyone on even ground, whereas radfem ideology often trickles into spaces related to that vengeance aspect of men needing to pay for what they have done in some way. And truly, I can understand. From the bottom of my heart, I can understand. I want the men who hurt me and hurt my friends to pay too. Vengeance (or justice, as many would prefer to call it) is a tantalizing concept, even if only in theory due to how shoddy the justice system is at actually bringing any justice to survivors' lives.

And when an AFAB person enters a radfem space, they will immediately be in danger of developing TERF ideology. This is what happened to the aforementioned friend. Most people will already know who I'm talking about. I think they started in a good place, but the biases that they already held within them were taken advantage of, and they let their trauma-informed biases take root and allow them to follow that TERF path. For the record, they still deny being a TERF, but as everyone has already seen, they most certainly are. TERFs will *rarely* actually self-identify as a TERF, even if they are spouting the most clearly TERF-ridden ideology known to man. The reason for this is because TERF is a "bad word" (rightfully so) and the baby radfems out there who are trying to avoid becoming a TERF are going to start by avoiding anyone who self-identifies as a TERF. Which of course, is not what TERFs want. They want baby radfems to feel welcome and not immediately shun what they teach them, because TERFs do eventually want those anti-TERF baby radfems to eventually become TERFs just like them.

[As a side tangent: I know I sound like I'm calling TERFs predatory in the way I describe their tactics, but I'm going to be completely honest in the way I believe a lot of TERFs utilize cult tactics to find new radfems or radfems who are on the fence between feminism and radical feminism and get them to join their cause. If you examine the BITE model (Behavior, Information, Thought, Emotion)--what is often used to define a cult--it's very clear that TERFs WILL use emotion-based tactics and manipulative tactics to get baby radfems to join their cause, and once their thought processes get changed and they lose their friends who don't jive with those beliefs, they get stuck in the echo chamber. And then they'll get pressured to believe more and more extreme things with the threat of ostracization from the "in-group" for not agreeing. And if someone has already lost all of their friends for joining this in-group in the first place, where else to go but to stay? See what I'm getting at, here? While they may not be as damaging to their own members as some cults, they DO cause a threat to others, namely transfemmes. People in power who share those beliefs make laws that distinctly work to harm transfemmes, e.g. JK Rowling providing massive amounts of funding towards anti-trans legislature.]

So how does this relate to trauma-informed biases? How do we get from disliking or hating men to becoming a TERF? Well, because TERFs utilize bioessentialism as a weapon. They reduce everyone down to the parts that they have (or were observed to have) at birth. While a TERF may not outright say "everyone born with a penis deserves to die" they WILL outright say things like "well, I just think AFAB people ("real women") should be allowed to have spaces that are only for them, you know? They shouldn't be forced to be around women who aren't AFAB" (if they will even acknowledge that trans women are women at all, more often they consider trans women to be men masquerading as women or accuse transfemmes of outright trying to invade women's spaces to hurt them). This is especially apparent in the lesbian side of TERFdom, where they try to use the justification of "not being attracted to penises" to explain that trans women shouldn't be allowed in their spaces. Which, to be completely honest, I do think it's fine to be attracted to certain genitalia and turned off by other people's genitalia, but you also shouldn't let that guide you toward completely excluding trans women from lesbian spaces. You can just choose to not date trans women and call it a day. Is it pretty lame to reduce someone to a set of parts and only date someone based on a set of parts? Yeah, it is, but you're within your rights to date who you want to. You just shouldn't exclude them from the entire space altogether based on your preferences.

For the record, I used to be part of this group of people right here. There was nothing I had against trans women, I was just extremely terrified of the parts they have due to my past traumas, and I didn't want to make a trans woman feel like I was afraid of them for the parts that they have. I didn't want my fear of sexual situations with her to ruin whatever romantic attraction we could have, and I was certain for a long time that this would be true forever.

Until I met my current partner, who is a trans woman.

I'm going to segue into how being a trans man (technically we are genderfluid but we usually present as a trans man to most people) doesn't automatically mean you cannot hold biases against trans women or even be outright transmisogynistic, and that while I do believe trans men have their own slew of issues related to being trans men (such as being perceived as a traitor to your AGAB, or the first time you get clocked as your correct gender but not in the gender affirming way, in the way that the women that you have always held so much community with think you're a cis man and are afraid of you. That's a tough one to come to terms with, personally, and is also why our system tends to lay within the "butch lesbian/faggy trans guy" section of transmasc, so that while we definitely do get clocked more often, it also helps the women we care about so much in our communities know we're not cis. Because no, our goal is not to be to be as cis as cis can be and so our gender ambiguity that we express does us a lot of favors while also opening other doors for trouble, like harassment for appearing as a faggy trans guy or as someone who's clocked as a lesbian) they are a completely different ballgame than what trans women have to deal with on a daily basis just for existing as they do.

Things I've learned about trans women's experiences that I never knew before:

-They may never be able to fully pass and that puts them in danger of harassment or even death for the rest of their lives

-if they come off as too loud or too intense for someone, they will immediately see them as a danger even if the transfemme in question is one of the kindest human beings you've ever had the pleasure of meeting

-if they don't talk in the somewhat-stereotypical "quiet, demure, trans girl" voice or for any reason dress in a more butch or non-hyperfeminine style, they are going to be seen as a threat despite any actions they will have done to prove they are not a threat

-if a trans woman likes to be around kids, some people are going to immediately assume they're a pedophile. This one deeply saddens and disgusts me more than I can even describe

-if they are talkative or ask a lot of questions about something and they come off as a little too pushy or are socially awkward/autistic, people are going to immediately assume they need to be afraid of her despite there being no evidence of that being a conclusion that needs to be jumped to, or they may label her as "creepy"

-if she decides not to opt for sex change surgeries then she's clearly just a man pretending to be a woman, if she opts for sex change surgeries, she's a trap. Same for if she passes well or not. If she passes well, she's a trap, if she doesn't pass well, she's a freak

-people will assume she's always trying to manipulate them in some way, as mentioned above. If she passes well, she's manipulating them and tricked them (usually for sex, but could also happen in a romantic situation). If she tries to disclose that she's trans early on, she might risk out on them leaving her just for being trans and not actually getting to know her as a person

-if she's into sex or hypersexual and comes off strong, at best she might be labeled as pushy or creepy, at worse she may be labeled as a rapist

-additionally, trans women are extremely fetishized, but once she has autonomy and is seen as an actual person and not a fetish object, all of that attraction goes away and she's seen as a trap or gross or whatever other vile concoctions people have come up with to describe trans women in a sexual light.

-many, many more things that I couldn't even begin to list in this post.

All of these affect a trans woman every single day. She's at nearly just as much if not just as much at risk of attack as cis women are. She's much more likely to hear the word tranny in a negative context than a trans guy is. While a trans guy could get called a tranny, sure, they're significantly less likely to be attacked or even killed for being trans. Trans men are often labeled as "confused little girls" which is infantalizing, yes, but trans women are often labeled as creeps, rapists, or manipulative/evil people. Imagine what that does to a person's sense of self? Their self image? Even if she's never done anything remotely that bad, she's going to be labeled that anyway.

And gods forbid she ever does anything that could be seen as kinda "weird" or "bad"--not in the morally reprehensible sense. I mean like she cheated on someone or she does drugs or she says something a little tone deaf ten years ago. Trans women are forced to live life on their tiptoes for fear of being told they are evil monsters. I've seen with my own fucking eyes someone who I thought was an ally to transfemmes (they were dating a transfemme!!!) who immediately demonized another trans girl because she was socially awkward and autistic. Tried to make assumptions that she must be abusive to her partner, tried to claim that because of one interaction with this girl, they already knew that she had antisocial behavior (which I find funny that she says this to us, someone who has significant ASPD traits), which to me alludes that they believe she could be manipulative and hurtful. All because she was a bit awkward in a social gathering! I was appalled and disgusted by this, and it really opened the door beyond what I'd heard from my partner already the types of things that trans girls have to deal with from people that are within their own community that they should be able to trust.

So what does this have to do with not letting our trauma-informed biases rule the way we think about others? I'll keep it as simple as possible with this little flow chart:

Someone (usually AFAB) has trauma with men -> they hate men -> they join the feminism movement -> they veer into radfem spaces because of how vocal radfems are about hating men and they feel they are justified to believe this because of the harm men have caused them personally -> they become a TERF because radfems see people as a set of parts rather than what they actually are -> TERFs spread hatred and vitriol towards trans women in particular -> that hate and vitriol leaks into the LGBTQ+ community because a large number of TERFs are lesbian cis women -> trans women are unable to feel safe even in their own communities

Trans women deserve to feel safe in their own communities. You can be the biggest trans woman supporter ever and still not be a good ally. I thought I was a great ally to trans women before I realized that I was equating trans women's struggles with my struggle as a trans man. And until you really understand what they go through and see it with your own eyes, you may never truly realize just how difficult it is to exist as a trans woman AND you may realize you had biases you didn't even know you had. Existing as a trans man =/= existing as a trans woman. I didn't even realize I had any bias towards trans girls until I realized that I had decided (rather young I might add) that I wouldn't date a trans girl because of the fact that she was AMAB. I didn't realize how much this completely screwed up my view of trans women until I examined it under a microscope, AFTER I fell in love with a trans girl. I don't want y'all to feel like you have to fall in love with a trans girl to understand their struggle and to question your own biases. (though I will say, dating a trans woman has been the best relationship of my life, I love her so much).

Examining your biases and understanding what is trauma-informed and what is an actual issue is paramount. Being wary of cis men is kind of a given, considering the amounts of violence cis men do upon people and have been doing upon people for hundreds upon hundreds of years, but you can't let yourself get into the rut of outright hating cis men just because you've been hurt by cis men in the past.

Interestingly, I've also been abused by cis women, though rarely in as violent of contexts as cis men. I've made myself look at that under a lens too and it made me realize that I greatly distaste old women, and for me, especially if they are 50 and older--though some parts of my system also struggle with any woman older than her mid thirties. I will almost immediately assume an old woman doesn't have my best interests at heart, though it's different than with cis men. While I may assume a cis man might violently assault me in one form or another, I typically have different assumptions with older women and it's definitely something I'm going to have to also examine under a microscope and try to pick apart to really understand if my assumptions are based on verifiable truth ("all old women are bad," like the "all men are bad" assumption) or based on my traumas. My traumas are my own personal truth, but I can't let that affect my relationships I have with men and older women for the rest of my life. Or I could end up a TERF, or like one of those people who were happy that old people were dying of COVID. What a miserable way to live, you know?

-Delphine (she/her)

[nothorses]

Sometimes I’m scared of becoming a toxic asshole for thinking these things, but when I saw the transmasc separatist dude, some of the things called for were things I already wanted to do. Like, seeking out transmasc authors and read their books, or transmasc musicians and listening to their music, or only dating other transmascs, or sticking to transmasc spaces. But I don’t want to do this because I think non-transmascs are incapable of not being transandrophobic. I want this because I’ve been hurt and all this feels like a way to give me some room to breathe and heal. And it’s frustrating cause the separatist stuff feels like it’s inviting me in for that but I don’t think it will help but I’m scared of others telling me I’m no better than them for needing space. I don’t know. Maybe I just suck at unity. Hate to think that tho.

I think there's a big difference between, like, "it feels good to discuss common experiences with people who understand them" (extremely normal and fine), and "it is only safe to interact with people just like me and everyone else is trying to hurt me" (unhealthy and counterproductive).

Everyone wants to see themselves in the things they read and watch. Everyone wants to relate to other people.

And I mean, I created a discord server for Transmascs for this reason; there weren't really any spaces where transmascs could talk about transmasc experiences with each other, and the lack of any kind of transmasc "community" was very sorely felt. I guess you don't see it as much lately, and I'm so incredibly grateful for why that is- but a lot of the early conversations around this stuff talked about how being transmasc was considered shameful or regressive; it wasn't something we were supposed to find joy or pride in, and it wasn't something you were supposed to connect with other people about. And that did so much damage to transmascs! It made us isolated and lonely, and it made it so hard to talk about anything we were going through that we often bought into the lie that none of it was real, or important enough to discuss. Not to mention the impact on our ability to share and get relevant information or resources.

There's nothing wrong with needing some space to talk about shared experiences with people who get it- and I'd argue that this kind of space is deeply necessary. We don't need to give that up. That's not what unity is.

Unity is recognizing that other transmascs are not the only people we share common experiences with. We're not the only safe people, or the only people with talking to, or the only people we need to be fighting for.

It's good to connect to your community! Keep doing that! Take the time to grow your identity, connect to that part of yourself, and work to heal the ways in which that lack of connection has impacted you.

Just don't do it out of fear of the people who aren't just like you, and try not to limit yourself to one community, or one type of person, exclusively.

You are a multifaceted person, and even the trans community itself is incredibly diverse; you will likely find, if you take the time to listen, that a lot of transfems and unaligned nb folks share a lot of the same experiences, too! Even ones connected to manhood, masculinity, or our perceived inability to be autonomous.

And honestly, it sounds like you know all this already- and like you're maybe afraid you have the wrong intentions, or you might mess up, even if you're honestly just trying your best.

Feel free to disregard this bit if I'm wrong, but if I'm not: trust yourself. Trust that you do not have secret, evil intentions or hatred hidden even from yourself. Trust that if you mess up, you will do your best to correct it when you find out about it. You're doing fine, anon, you don't need to be hypervigilant about your own thoughts and feelings. And maybe you'll find that if you can work towards that goal, you'll start to worry a lot less about Becoming A Toxic Asshole for, like, correctly identifying the kernel of reasonable motivation that lead to someone else's wrong conclusion.

[maespri]

mystic messenger posting in 2024... we are so back

jaehee kang thought dump under the cut... nobody can stop me...

i recently decided to replay jaehee's route due to a friend (i first played this game in early 2020) and i'm actually ill over her route. i've played literally every route and i don't think any of them make me feel quite as strongly as jaehee's.

and i can't quite pinpoint why... i think part of it might actually be because of the lack of romance? like. don't get me wrong i love jaehee and i do wish romancing her was an option. but i feel like taking away that option made it so much more... potent, somehow... less like you're "fixing her" and "fixing her life" (which is. unfortunately kind of how i feel about some other routes) and more just like. opening her eyes to the life she deserves. and it's not even just you doing it this time- all of the RFA members come together to support her (except jumin but he's evil in her route wbk), and it feels like such a breath of fresh air.

lee basil pointed something out in a video essay i watched recently (incredible video btw) which went into yoosung's route. they pointed out that the characters really change depending on whose route you're playing and not necessarily always in a good way. but in jaehee's route, i think the characterization is really perfect.

like the amount of emotional intelligence and kindness each character has is so strong and just makes me So Happy, especially compared to yoosung's route. Actually, on the topic of that- i wasn't going to go into how jaehee acts in his route but now i want to because. WTF. no hate to yoosung at all- i love him and his route- but why are the characters so... Dumb...? sometimes? You're telling me when someone (can't remember who sorry but trust me) is like "yoosung is probably addicted to games and lost his passion for school because he's grieving rika," jaehee's response is something like, "no way... i had no idea..."

cheritz, look at me. she would Not fucking say that. if any of these characters have the strongest grasp on what it's like to grieve someone, it would be jaehee?

anyway. back to her route. can i talk about how much more it hits now that i'm no longer thirteen/fourteen years old playing it. like she's touching on capitalism and the loss of her happiness and passion because of it. she's touching on how grief still impacts her life. she's touching on how the support of the people around her is all she needs to keep going during these Trying Times of the Unfortunate Reign of Jumin Han and the Cat Hotel Project. she talks about her rough upbringing and how she felt like she was only worthy of other's company and support if she was working and making something of herself. and it feels really great to be able to go in there and be like, Hey. You're still worthy of a lot even if you aren't overworking yourself. You deserve better than this, and not just that, you can have better than this. like. really serves as a reminder to Myself that the same still applies to Me.

and she isn't met with criticism for beginning to develop that sentiment thanks to the support of MC- in fact, everyone around her is literally begging jaehee to FREE HERSELF! i just love the community that her route builds up and how sweet it is. i love being able to watch her sort through her feelings and break out of that mindset of "i'm not worth anything if i'm not doing something."

and the fact that she develops that mindset because of the way she was raised... losing her parents, moving in with her relatives who treated her poorly, who wanted her to get a job straight after high school. but jaehee didn't want to be a disappointment. she went through college, she worked hard, she got a stable job with a great salary. she's such a hard worker that jumin hardly considers her human- which is awful. but definitely showcases how incredible she is.

but she doesn't even blame her relatives or anyone else for the fact that her life is the way it is and that is also monumental to me? like her relatives were actively going against everything she wanted to do, but when jaehee talks about them, she's like, "i think they did the best they could, and i'm very grateful they took me in." that's amazing. she internalizes everything she feels and doesn't push blame onto anyone but herself, and while that's not always a good trait to have, i think it really does show how like. intrinsically motivated she is as a person to do the best she can, all the time.

also, don't even get me staaaarted on the fact that she cares about jumin so much even though he treats her absolutely awful. she feels bad for him for the amount of work he has in her route. she empathizes with him more than he ever does with her. if i were her i would probably go to jumin's penthouse and hit everything with a metal bat. she's stronger than me.

anyway, in all seriousness... i'm glad she gets her happy ending leaving her terrible job behind and actually getting to do something she's passionate about. i think her passion for coffee is adorable and the fact that that passion literally becomes her Life in her good ending? it's adorable.

a popular complaint i see regarding jaehee's route is that it feels more like zen getting jaehee's route LMFAO. but. i personally think that the friendship she builds up with zen over the course of her route is so beautiful. if you play from the prologue to the end he literally goes from not recognizing her in a photo seven sends to buying her a present and telling her that he's going to make it a life goal of his to continue supporting her in all of her dreams. he goes from thinking things are kind of awkward with her to buying her a present and getting lunch with her.

and i also think that's really beautiful for jaehee, getting to hang out with someone who inspires her and whom she admires so much. in fact, i'd argue that it makes even more sense for zen to be such a central part of her route because... he basically planted the seeds for inspiration and joy in jaehee? long before MC ever came around. he just didn't realize he could do so much for her until MC does come around. i think it's also great that jaehee gets that support from the guy who is basically her idol, because it makes it so that it means that much more to her.

like idk there's something poetic about jaehee saying that zen (referring to his acting and musicals etc) is the only thing that brings her happiness, and then actually finding happiness outside of zen because he encourages her to do so by supporting her. You know what i mean? is the parallel paralleling. maybe i'm just in my own echo chamber WHATEVER my point stands. i love jaehee and zen i think they're best friends.

phewww anyway. that's the whole post that's all. i love jaehee kang

[infoglitch]

Why am I doing this again? Oh right cause I'm one of the few who will die on the that crwby ain't shit-(god if I keep ignoring writing my shitty fanfics people are just gonna assume i'm bitch made)

Oh boy here I go again poking the damn bear with my shit takes-

(also before I begin I want to ensure that my message is given context, I hate crwby as writers not as people, I hope people don't misconstrued that because otherwise that's just gonna be frustrating to deal with)

Pyrrha is a wasted character and a PRIME example that crwby can't write women.

Oh boy pyrrha Nikos where do I begin with this cardboard cut out of a character.

So since a few (and I mean A FEW) people choose to live in denial of the obvious fact that crwby cant write and that to claim they can is possibly the most bullshit statement ever.. its time to take out the belt (bout to go Hellsing abridged in this bitch)

I'm mainly using Pyrrha because she is the most GLARING example of how bad the writing of Rwby can get.

Granted I am notorious for consistently and without calling Pyrrha the worst character ever (about as bad as later volume Blake.. then again just Blake in general- hoo boy I really am gonna piss people off huh?) this is mainly due to the fact.. she's quite literally a peice of cardboard and i actively cheer whenever I rewatch her death... Ok that last bit was an over exaggeration but you get the point.

Now to begin why I actively believe Pyrrha is terrible, we need to talk about.. the noodle knight.. sometimes I despise the fact I like jaune but regardless-

Jaune as a character is fundamentally a side character... Yet he has consistent screen time.. again.. and again.. and again. To the point where you could jokingly say he's the real main character since Crwby just love putting him in as much screen time as possible. (However I more take it as the fact jaune is just a scapegoat for Crwbys incompetence. But that's for when I piss of the rwde aspect of the community, because oh boy.. is there an argument I want to rip to shreds and call blatant bullshit.)

But outside of the screentime he is mildly interesting and has made a few actions that add dimension to the character... But why do I bring up jaune when talking about Pyrrha? It's due to the fact Pyrrha's entire character revolves around jaune.

Pyrrha is rarely shown to interact with the rest of JNPR, it's practically non-existent if jaune is not somewhere.

But some of you might say (and honestly I don't blame you and would agree with you) "Pyrrha is a side character, she doesn't need depth." To which.. yes... But she was a part of team JNPR, her death is treated as if it should have affected everyone. Hell her death caused ruby to awaken her silver eyes. But there's one problem.. technically two

1. Team JNPR (or more accurately JNR) are still active participants in the cast, you'd think them being side characters they would eventually be thrown away.. but they aren't. So that would supposedly mean their important.. which includes Pyrrha but if that's the case then why isnt she given depth, you can't three people of an extra be important enough to be a part of the cast and given development but Also have the other team member not be given some given some kind of development, that doesn't work either don't give development to ALL OF THEM or do the inverse.

2. she isn't shown to interact with team Rwby by herself, she's never given any scenes to show that she is friends with ATLEAST ruby, so her death impacting others that SHOULD be her friends doesn't make sense now because there's no scenes with her interacting with them by herself.

Every scene that is pivotal is in some form or way connected to Jaune, but even though characters like her can be good if written well, she isn't.

Pyrrha is never once given anything that is specifically to show off her, she's always written to focus on jaune. Even her death which was supposed to affect all of team Rwby and Jnr only was shown to affect jaune.

To many it may seem like it's not an issue she only showed up for three volumes before kicking the bucket and dying. So what's the point of talking about her?

Well from me specifically, the problem is the fact Pyrrha is not a rare case of bad writing, not just for characters either, may I remind you all of the white fang subplot. Don't worry I won't go into too much detail I'm writing an entirely different post about how the faunus/white fang subplot got swept under the rug because surprise surprise crwby writers are shitty at writing.

Alright time to get on my soapbox to sound all high and mighty.

to explain it simply. The white fang arc was supposed to be a lesson that is meant to talk about how racism is wrong and the fact that it only hurts innocent people, (both of obviously the oppressed and the innocent people who are unintentionally associated with the oppressor, hatred breeds hatred y'all know the phrase) but instead its not even given anything specific. This is especially a problem considering one of our main characters is supposed to be the protagonist that helps talk about the issue. Instead of anything specific that shows the faunus are oppressed and that humanity still has extremely bigoted and shitty people all we get is.. cardin and that's about it.. and then in volume 5 (or 4 I unfortunately lose track sometimes) it's just wrapped up with.. Adam being taken down and the white fang essentially being forgotten about.. the white fang, you know the organization that is full of faunus who do want equality but are somewhat misguided.. their apparently just disbanded after the piss baby that is "Adam Taurus" just gets defeated.. is it me or doesn't it make more sense to atleast hear mention of some white fang stragglers who still misguidedly fight in the name of equality. Honestly it feels like it got rushed and not properly expanded on.

To put it bluntly I find it just so weird that crwby has been shown to not be able to handle topics that are a little more nuanced and decided to sweep it under the rug, same with writing characters that could be interesting, but instead are just turned into cardboard cut outs. Yet there are people who claim that Rwby is better than any media *cough cough* the Twitter bastards *cough cough* which.. look i love Rwby to death, it's music is fuckin magnificent early volume versions of the characters can be.. minus jaune kinda (man does got a few bumps when it comes to being a fan) but Rwby is.. mediocre. But it's not it's fault, that's just what happens when writers aren't able to properly write a story, characters, a world for the story, literally almost every attempt at adding depth to rwby.

Ok.. I'm fuckin tired I'm expecting a lot of people to disagree (I'm praying the majority aren't just gonna throw insults and nothing else because honestly that just makes anyone look stupid.

Alright time to get off the soap box and return to the cave where I write shitty Rwby fanfics and equally shitty original story.

[oxtoxtoxto]

i think i had an epiphany about pokemon black and white.

i think it was released about 5 or 6 years too early. what do i mean by that? BW came out in 2010, around a decade ago, and im going to assume it probably started full development not that long after HGSS finished up development, which would have been somewhere in 2009.

2009 was definitely a complex time, especially in Japan, but it was a *very different* time to now.

See, I think team plasma would have had a much more smooth narrative if they had incorporated the idea of *misappropriating progressive language*, and otherwise misusing certain terminology to the point of rendering it completely meaningless in its prior context.

we know the language bigots use to talk about minority groups nowadays, right? how there's pieces of language that used to serve a *very specific purpose* to refer to a *very specific kind of act* (such as grooming, a term which is now just thrown at the LGBT community whenever a bigot feels they need to drum up hate) which have now been sandblasted down into just another sneer to spit at people they hate?

and how by doing this they've tainted the usefulness *of those terms* to the point where it's genuinely impacting people's ability to report on certain things?

this was not as close of a topical issue in 2010 as it is today, where language is increasingly being weaponized due to the availability and reliance on social media our society has increasingly found itself with. this is why i think in a better world, pokemon bw would have come out in 2015, maybe even *later*, when this shit not only really began to develop into the cancerous issue it is now, but also when people began to actively speak out about it in a way that was wide-reaching.

think about a reframing here. at its core, team plasma is a pokemon welfare organization being used as a front as an elaborate way to dismantle any potential threats ghetsis might have to succeeding in a coup. ideally, this means trainers are pressured into releasing their pokemon and the ones who aren't have theirs *taken by force*, causing immense trauma to both pokemon *and* person, thereby necessarily weakening them in the process.

so, lets approach it as it might be done today. the first thing you do is you start widening the meaning of *abuse* and applying it in situations where it absolutely isn't the case, just to *force* people to legitimize a conversation that, say, owning a house pet might qualify as pokemon abuse.

you muddy the meaning of abuse until you have caused schisms in local culture. you rely on what examples of abuse you can find--neglect, power-hungry trainers who do view their pokemon mostly as instruments to increment ever-higher in ranking, but you do not turn you ire, *specifically*, on them. you turn that blame on your real targets: everyone else.

and all the while, what *abuse* or *neglect* or *mistreatment* even means when it comes to pokemon is muddled. people start reporting people for what they perceive *as* abuse even when it's not, and wasting the time of the organizations designed to look after this kind of thing, while also making anyone who reported things and got a "this wasnt abuse" feel validated that, yes, *everyone is in on it*.

with of course the occasional group of aggro anti-trainers reporting in such large numbers that the legal bodies involved have to investigate and maybe even separate pokemon and human because, well--look at all of these reports. there might be something going on.

and this snowballs. those who dont immediately bend to the pressure are targeted. they get picketed, they get people screaming at them. they have their organization decried as "abuse enablers" and with the way social media flattens nuance and these people already making sure to leave out all of the important details, many of these figures become hated by people who have been caught up in a cultural hate furor towards someone who has really been the one looking after these issues. people who are good, but are now demonized by a very vocal and aggressive group.

and then, you twist the knife, because with the eradication of all meaning to terms like *abuse*, you also make it a lot easier for abusive trainers to get away with what they're doing so long as they just pay the correct kind of lip service. just look at ghetsis: he has a hydreigon that genuinely seems to fucking hate him, judging by its frustration. abuse doesnt actually *get reduced*, because the words have been muddled so much the kind of clues and hints that might help a pokemon abuser get caught and put away are lost in the endless froth of vitriol.

abusers dont get hurt by this so long as they know how to phrase it.

and when you add in that the people who would actually be handling cases of abuse and mistreatment being either demonized, bent to the will of an angry mob, or too terrified to speak out, real abuse goes untouched.

people, *figureheads* of the movement, become untouchable because they crusade for the campaign with the right combination of words that *surely* they're not using this as a smoke screen to cover for their own goals.

this, this right here? i think people have always been aware of how language can be shaped like this, but genuinely the last 5 to 8 years have been the absolute worst of it, and most obviously criticized. if BW came out during this period, and used this as a touchstone rather than the absolute stance it does, it could have been a much more nuanced and compelling narrative.

the point is, though, Pokemon BW could have come out in the late 2010s and probably had a much stronger real-life example to build on and work with. The conversations we are having today are eminently relatable to Team Plasma's goal, it's just *too early* to have that connection.

It also would have permitted some nuance within the narrative. As it stands right now, the Pokemon universe simply rejects the idea that mistreatment of Pokemon is a realistic idea in the first place. Even among some of the darkest, and arguably the most likely teams to abuse their Pokemon (Galactic and Rocket) mainly view their Pokemon as integral sources of power that they must nourish and improve for their own benefit. It's not a purely benevolent reason, no, but Cyrus has a Crowbat (only evolves with high friendship) and while some of it is anime apocrypha, virtually *nothing* implies that Giovanni mistreated his Pokemon, and that Team Rocket mainly mistreated Pokemon via stealing them in the first place or by attempting get rich quick schemes (slowpoke tails).

In other words, the only group that has been shown to actively and aggressively *abuse pokemon* is team plasma itself, where in one of their first appearances two grunts, claiming to want to protect Pokemon, repeatedly kick a fucking Munna not ten feet away from you.

These would be the leaders, the problems, the actual criminals stringing the others along who have been caught up in the momentum of finally having someone to just *hate*.

This would let the story also progress as you work your way up from the grunts (who may fall anywhere on the scale between shitheel or ideological warrior consumed by the movement) to the admins (who are all eerily powerful, well-connected, and giving away hints that their Pokemon are mistreated, its just that they have the language and reputation to avoid scrutiny) and finally to Ghetsis, who is the embodiment of these leaders in the worst way possible. Part of the story, then, would be figuring out where N falls, if what he's saying is just lip service or the truth, and it would make his struggle to reconcile the world Ghetsis has painted for him (one of casual Pokemon cruelty and Pokemon forced into subservient roles to do as humans wish) against the one he faces (one where Pokemon and humans work together--not always perfectly, but with a lot of care) and the slowly dawning realization that everything he's been told is a projection of how Ghetsis and his admins actually feel about Pokemon a lot more meaningful.

You could even include hints. Admins putting their Pokemon away whenever N is around, almost in a panic because if N got a single chance to speak to any of their Pokemon, the entire plot would go up in smoke.

N not knowing about certain operations or being intentionally redirected to you to keep him occupied as Ghetsis and his admins are finally allowed to throw their weight around.

By making it much more reflective of trends we know about today, you could get a fair bit more intense narrative about deceit and the real fucked up consequences of this kind of thing.

[firstyok]

- Our Skyy 2 x The Eclipse End Notes -

So, I had to do this because I've never been happier in my life, until I witnessed my babyboys akkaye returning back with a passionate love sequel this month. You have no idea how much I adored, loved and enjoyed these 2 episodes bit by bit, it filled my entire heart with ecstasy, love and joy. So, here I am again, ready to appreciate the hell out of these outstanding episodes for my AkkAye babies. Stay with me, and hear me out on this.

Below, I've addressed the core main things of these episodes which I loved, enjoyed and adored the most. Honestly, every single second of these episodes were a chef's kiss for me, but of course I can't write single thing out there. I would run out of images, and I hate making part two's. So, here I am, with the best and main things about this show, for which I'd basically keep watching these episodes over and over again until I witness SanRay.

BEST THINGS ABOUT THE EPISODES

1. Message on Perspective and Communication in a Relationship

Let's rule out the complex part first. The Eclipse original show ended with Akk and Aye getting together, and it was the most thrilling moment to experience that time. But now, since they're already past that, AkkAye are in a relationship for quite a while now, and these two episodes were truly valuable in terms of how "romantic relationships are not always about rainbows and butterflies". It takes a freaking lot more to maintain and cherish the relationship you have with your partner, than to simply end it or start a new one. I think maintaining a relationship is the hardest thing of any kind of love, and this show portrayed it in such a simple yet beautiful way. Yes, sure - the birthday thing could be quite a common silly problem, but it is a very realistic one.

For someone like Akk, who underestimates himself and cares so much for others, and what others think of him - it was very likely of Akk to react that way. Deep down, he is excited about his birthday like anyone would, but meanwhile he doesn't want to bother anyone for him, especially Aye. He is not an expressive person, due to all the events that impacted him in Suppalo, but he has softened down and feels comfortable alot more than before. He doesn't say anything about his birthday, instead he expects Aye to remember it by himself, and not by Akk, which is normal. But on the other hand, Aye has other plans.

Aye is secretly planning a surprise for Akk's birthday, and everyone in his friend group is aware of that, except Akk. He was truly invested into carving that special song for him for the last few days, that Akk notices him paying less attention, while his birthday is approaching. So, Akk feels extra worse. On top of that, Aye acts completely oblivious to the birthday, he acts as if he completely forgot and has no idea of it's arrival. I understand Aye's perspective for keeping the surprise and gifting it to Akk like dropping a bomb, but he is so engrossed in that future part, the he is unseeing how much hurt Akk is going through right now. Aye, who believes Akk should stop caring about others too much, and think about himself - Aye wants Akk to talk about it, but also interrupts him simultaneously. Because he doesn't want the surprise to go all out beforehand.

There you have it. You cannot completely put the blame on either of them, and also you cannot give any credit as well. Because both of them are at fault. People aren't perfect, and that's what makes life so beautiful and flawed. While Aye is preparing beautiful things for Akk - Akk sulks, believing that Aye actually forgot his birthday. It's extremely common in real life, don't you think? Even if it sounds stupid, if that thing happened to me, I'd too question whether he forgot my birthday or not, or I'd similarly be too excited for the gift that I forgot how much pain I'm giving to the other. They assumed things, and created a gap of communication, which is understandable but also something to be repaired - every couple, every being needs time to rewind and reset. I think it was a dramatic and lovely presentation of how Akk and Aye are definitely the two sides of the same coin. They are different, they have different perspectives, different communication and love styles, but despite their differences, they balance each other out. That is why - Akk needs Aye, and Aye needs Akk.

2. Wasuwat's Short Film

Another important theme of these two episodes was definitely around Wat's short film and the new shooting scenes for them. I loved how the show portrayed Wat's new beginning in his career due to his love for Indie films. I believe dreams should be chased and followed, no matter what the consequences bring us. The entire process of Wat bringing his group of friends to the Theatre place, and those quirky fantasies in the minds of the Akk, Aye, Kan and Thua, were quite dramatic and also enjoyable. After that, the preparation of the script along with the research from both the duos, was meaningful. It's like the central messages of the show were combined beautifully - the message on perspectives along with Wat's dream. They merged both the things cleverly.

Another dialogue from Akk, which struck me hard - while Kan and Akk were assuring Wat for his big day of Short Film Competition, Akk said that it was enriching and fortunate enough that Wat has got to follow his dream. That dialogue struck me super hard. I was like, damn that's right. It doesn't matter whether the dream of us succeeds at the end, what matters is the satisfaction and peace that we've done, we've tried to go after that dream atleast once in our life. I believe so too. We must follow or atleast try to chase the dreams we have, no matter how impossible it seems. Trying something never hurt anybody. Apart from that, I loved that constant support Wat got from Teacher Sani and his friends - they played a massive role in Wat's life, and if it taught us something - it is how we should never discourage anyone for their dreams, no matter what it is. Later on, when Wat won the award, I was genuinely so emotional, like that boy deserved it. He also got exposure to his favourite director P'Nut, which is far more ecstatic. In short, Wat's film played a huge role when it came down to the message of following your dream, because you love it.

3. Genuine Friendships

Real Friendships are dead rare to find in life. Let's be honest, how many friends do you have who truly have the best interest for you? Having a real friend in life is like winning half tha battle. Friends and family are always responsible for carving out your beliefs, morals, values and who you'd be becoming in the future. The beautiful friendship of Akk, Kan and Wat is outstanding, and when Aye, Thua and Namo joins the squad, it just becomes more fun, exciting and stronger. When it comes to our oldest trio; Akk, Kan and Wat - I absolutely adore their friendship.

Have you seen how different Akk is from Kan, and Kan is from Wat? Everyone in the friend squad is different, possessing different interests and goals in life. Technically from an objective perspective, you'd see they are incompatible. But then, what makes their friendship so strong and deep? The answer is respect, love and understanding. Yes, Wat loves indie films, which Akk and Kan aren't interested in. But what they do is encourage, motivate and assure his friend of his talent, and worth, and pushes him forward to follow that dream. They cheer for him, write scripts for him, eventhough they can do other things.

Now, that's what I call a true friend. No two people are completely similar - even the most compatible friends have severe differences, but what makes friendships beautiful is acceptance. You accept and love the person the way they are, and strive to make them their best, by constantly supporting them and wishing good-intent. Having a group of these friends is like a biggest blessing they could ever find. Aye helped Thua with his family issues, even though he didn't even know him well that time. But he still chose to help him.

That's why I call a good intent. Aye and Thua writing the script together and subtly hinting Akk, but not talking behind his back - it is another strong point how these friends are genuine and real. All of them wish the best for another, and it is just so fulfilling to see. When Namo, who is not an actual member of the group, was upset about his dating life - did you see how Akk and Aye were concerned and went to check on him? I truly adored that scene. It portrayed how they care for Namo too, who is not that close to them like others, but seeing Akk care for him, really melted my heart. If true friendship isn't this, then I don't know what is.

4. AkkAye Night Pool Scene

You've no idea how much I adored and enjoyed every second of Akkaye's night pool scene. The moment was private, intimate and romantic, all at the same time. Eventhough they were still having a their silent fight, but the moment was just wonderful - maybe because it felt so realistic, sweet and vulnerable altogether. Firstly, the setting is outstanding - the quiet night, along with the faint tint of dim lights from the rooms far away, and the soothing water sounds from the pool. Every aspect created a sensual and lovely ambiance for our couple. It began with Aye asking Akk to play the guitar, which created another air of romance. But Akk was still upset with Aye, so I was glad that he atleast subtly confronted him. Eventhough Aye didn't give a satisfactory answer, since he wanted to hide the surprise but the way he handled Akk was extremely heartwarming.

He knows how Akk is warm for his kisses and love, and simply uses it to calm him down. The moment was ethereal and natural - when Akk was reaching his edge and was about to cry while venting out, Aye held him and kissed him. That was the moment, I became freaking soft. In no time, Akk melted again, and the kiss was beautiful to witness. The remaining moment when Akk slept on Aye's lap, and kept playing around by calling him friend - it was such a fun and playful moment, packed with three passionate kisses. I kept repeating that part, it was so charming, romantic and also sensual with twist of fun - I lived for that thing. I absolutely love how Aye handles Akk, it's just so perfect. The last part when they both hugged and slept right near the pool till the morning, was adorable. They were all jittery and nervous once they woke up, being so obvious to their friends. The entire pool scene was one of the best moments in thr entire show, for me.

5. Aye's Surprise Song for Akk

Before I say anything else, let me begin by how mesmerising and heartwarming the song is. One of the best Osts I've ever heard in Thai BL shows, for sure. It is soothing, enchanting and most importantly full of heartfelt lyrics and soothing melody. This song will make your day easily. Now, coming back to the scene - it was so painful to see Akk feeling devasted on how Aye forgot his birthday while being in the club with his friends. To add more salt to the wound, Nami mentioned that Aye maybe meeting someone else - which obviously Akk wouldn't believe, but the way his insecurities are increasing, this man felt the worse that ever. He was completely hopeless at this point. Exactly then, the stage lights turned up and we could hear the guitar strings. Believe me, the joy and hope on Akk's face was everything I was looking for. The way he was relieved and cried emotionally while listening to Aye's song for him; I truly wanted to give that boy my entire heart and hug him so tight.

That part made me an emotional mess. I loved how Akk got to sing his part as well, I love his voice so much - that beautiful duo song was everything that i wanted after so much doubt, pain and insecurity on Akk's side. Finally, my babyboys have made peace among themselves and my Akk baby is now all assured. What could make me happier than this? But something did. The tiny, sweet kisses that Akk kept pestering on Aye made me the weakest. Such a pure love with so much endearment. I don't even know what to say, after this scene - everything just kept getting better and better. How Akk and Aye shared their old rule of one punch and one kiss, along with accepting each other as one another's space - every single thing freaking made me crazy, happy and giddy. I love them so damn much, it hurts.

6. The Love-Making Scene

The way the story of AkkAye ended - I think it was the most perfect way that this show could've ended. I'm sure nobody else can manufacture a better ending for these two than this one. From their sensual shower scene to their hot passionate making out one - my eyes had a total delicious feast of meal, and I'm all up for it. It's true that the scene will typically be remembered for their intimate moment, but I'd like to point out the amount of vulnerability it presented, which made the love-making more meaningful and deep. The shower scene was domestic and had the aura of a warm, cozy and home-like vibe where a couple is simply having a blast just being around one another.

I adored when they were drying one another's hair, playing guitar and just having a wonderful time together before going to bed. It was so satisfying to witness. Later on, another best moment was when my baby Akk asked Aye to tell he loved him; I was incredibly soft that time. Akk is someone who has a hard time asking something, or wondering if he's a burden to other people, he put other's needs first.

For someone like him to open up and ask something for himself was an achievement, indeed. Aye teased him and tried to delay his answer to that, which made Akk insecure once again. But I'm glad that Aye responded him with his actions - I absolutely loved that slow deep kiss from Aye with a soft 'I love you'. It truly spoke millions - the kiss seemed like a strong promise with lots of emotions packed with it. That's why I felt goosebumps in that moment. I won't lie but my heart was skipping the entire time. Akk was being extra playful when he denied to say it back and the expression on both of their faces was just iconic.

I cannot stress enough how much died at their kisses and making-of scene at the end - my heart was weak, and wasn't coping up well with those passionate lip kisses, thigh grabs and the sizzling chemistry. I could feel the tension right through the screen and I'm not complaining at all. It was such a rollercoaster journey to watch AkkAye evolve from their Suppalo days into this - I feel so freaking proud of them.

7. The Kisses and the Locations

The Locations of the episodes were stunning and gorgeous? The kisses from Akkaye were steamy, sexy and delicious? I don't know what else should I add on. Like, have you noticed how seductively they both kept kissing and making out at every gorgeous location of the episode? From the first shot in the Brokeback Mountain, to the to another one in that Bicycling Location where they wore caps. Like, please get a grip you two - they kept doing passionate kisses for long moments at every beautiful scene, which constantly made my heart flutter. The scene where they were running and chasing one another at the flower field - I was so freaking soft the entire time, there was a lovely cheek kiss from Aye, but the rest of it was adorable, packed with pastel aesthetic and fluff moments.

Their smiling faces with so much happiness and love was all I needed for making my day. Even if we rule out the locations, the cinematography was on point. It was soothing, soft and absolutely ethereal witness. The club where Aye sang with Akk, or the Movie Theatre location where Wat won his award - all of the places and locations were worth watching the episodes. Especially, how can I not mention the trip place where they stayed in their rooms. The magnetic night time under the moonlight near the pool, I love everything about this show. I don't know what to say anymore, I'd probably peace out now.

I'd truly miss AkkAye with the bottom of my heart, until I witness SanRay again. The characters, the show, the deep raw emotions - everything that this series has brought to the table is a masterpiece and has set high standards for future bl shows. All I want to say is this show has given me enormous happiness and joy. I want to FirstKhao to keep getting versatile roles in many more series in the future; whether as a couple or individually. I just want my babies to shine brighter and keep getting ahead in life.

[hollow-dweller]

5-10 🤭

it's always you at the scene of the crime

5. worst discord server and why

the answer to this is actually not in spidey, it's this one klance server i was in back in ye old voltron days that was absolutely horrible to exist in as an Allura lover/Allurance shipper. when she died, and klance didn't become canon (because it was never going to), things got nasty and i will freely admit i am still bitter about it! nothing made me dislike klance faster or more thoroughly than klance fans.

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

anyone with a Tony Stark ship, really, though obviously the one I see the most nonsense from is irondad. Tony fans are, 90% of the time, there for Tony, and really focus on him to the exclusion of any of the other characters, including the one that he is partnered/shipped with. as someone who writes for and interacts with irondad because i love both Tony and Peter, who wants to explore them and their extended universes, it fucking sucks to have to wade through post after post that grossly misrepresents or misinterprets Tony, and treats Peter as a prop more than a character.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

having said the above: Tony Stark you will always be famous! none of these people who pretend you're a soft uwu dad who's never done anything wrong could make me hate you, because that's NOT you!

i don't know there are any characters i "hate" per se, but certainly there are ones i will AVOID because the fandom is so terrible. in Spidey, though he's not a Spidey character, that's Harley Keener. i have zero feelings toward his canon character because he was a child and then an easter egg, and basically has no canon character. but i will avoid him at all costs in fic/tumblr tags, because his fans use him to completely supplant and erase actual Spider-Man characters, like Ned and MJ and Flash.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

MJ WATSON WOULD NOT WORSHIP PEPPER POTTS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

MJ "i want to get a little light protesting in before lunch" Watson, MJ "so really this is all your fault" Watson, MJ "i don't want to tour a building made by slaves" Watson would NOT be falling over herself to talk about how "cool" Pepper Potts is.

fandom loves to drop MJ into interactions with Tony where she's snarky and rude and makes "eat the rich" jokes. but then they'll turn around and also make her look up to Pepper as a girl boss.

and it's because people's aren't representing her as anti-billionaire or anti-establishment as a genuine reflection on her character and how she might behave meeting Tony Stark or Pepper Potts. she's an audience avatar to spout a couple memes and jokes, then is unceremoniously shuffled off stage left so that Tony and Peter can cuddle on the couch or whatever. it's about making Tony look cool and chill for "putting up" with her, and to make Peter embarrassed so that Tony can reassure him.

9. worst part of canon

Far From Home, beloathed. its sins are innumerable but to sum them up in as concise of terms as possible: it represents so much wasted potential. we could have had post-blip meta! we could have had the FOS as more than a joke! we could have had actual development of the petermj relationship! and yes we could have had an actual examination of the impact of Tony Stark and his legacy on Peter and his life!

WE COULD HAVE HAD MAY PARKER

instead we got a kidz bop european road trip movie and only head fakes to anything deeper going on between any of the characters

10. worst part of fanon

here's the thing: the idea of a community of people coming together to collaboratively fill in the blanks of a piece of art is, conceptually, beautiful, and exactly what fandom should be about. doing collaborative, generative creative work is genuinely valuable, and an important part of community building in creative spaces.

but the relationship that people have to fanon, is, frankly, completely fucking whack. modern fandom doesn't use fanon to generate collaborative and creative elaborations, variations, and interpretations of canon: they use it to supplant canon. popular fanon goes beyond being just an idea that a lot of people like; it starts being treated as law. people start interpreting canon through the lens of fanon, and in doing so treat the canonical text not as a work of art that deserves consideration and interpretation, but as a static and authoritative source whose purpose is to be excavated for "proof" of fanon, and anything that exists outside of fanon or in opposition to it is to be dismissed, ignored, and denied.

there are plenty of people who will happily admit they don't pay attention to canon and prefer fanon, and while that isn't my preferred way to engage with art, i have way less of a problem with that. people who engage with the original work through a fanon lens first, in an attempt to "prove" fanon, aren't seeking alternative interpretations or elaborating on the art. they're not even picking and choosing the things they like and the things they don't. what they are doing is working backwards from a foregone conclusion to pretend like art has one fixed, immutable interpretation, and that interpretation is the only correct or acceptable one.

the only proof you need of this tendency is the way people lose their fucking minds when you question popular fanon, or, god forbid, point out how it is directly contradicted or disproven by canon. it's a shitty way to engage with fandom as a community, and it's a shitty way to engage with art, and i have no patience for it.

choose violence ask game

[zeroducks-2]

i understand that you didn’t have any harmful intentions when it came to your reblog about the mature filter, but that post was specifically about the mistreatment of trans women and how they are the ones most heavily impacted by the staff, whether they post actual mature stuff or not. you probably didn’t mean to, but your addition seemed to minimise the harm that transfemmes are put through and it most likely would have been better if you had made your own post instead of derailing another.

If you're the same anon who sent hate before, I'd appreciate you started out with an apology and I am not really inclined to talk to you, but since I care about the subject I will give it a proper response.

I respectfully disagree about how my reblog minimizes the harm that trans women are put through. Trans women are included in the queer community, and tumblr censors (or anyway attempts to) posts about the queer community in general - point which I think is worth considering while we talk about how posts about trans women get censored. We can have both the conversations at the same time.

It's like with the current politics in the US, UK and in many other countries: the main focus is on trans folks at the present moment, but truly what these people hate (these people: bigots, fascists, neo-nazis, right-wingers in general) is queer folks. Scratch the surface and everything comes out: the groups pushing for the erasure and criminalization of transness are against abortion, divorce, gay marriage, drag, otherness of any kind, and this is an important conversation to be had not because it's about taking the focus away from trans folks, but because it's about reminding everyone that we either stand together or we fall.

Tumblr's bigot tendencies reek of this. Posts that mention trans women get labelled mature, posts that show two men kissing get labelled mature, pictures of men in tasteful lingerie get labelled mature, and posts mentioning mlm or wlw love get labelled mature. These are all the same thing: queerphobia, so while we have a conversation about how tumblr censors posts about trans women, it's worth mentioning (mentioning, not overriding the original topic) that tumblr also censors other types of queer content, which demonstrates further how it isn't a bug (as staff tried to claim), it isn't any kind of fluke and it instead it's something embedded in the website's policies and in how they handle certain kinds of content in general.

That being said, I also don't think the post got derailed in any meaningful way. My followers (which aren't by any means a significant number by the way) know my stance in regard to trans issues and know that I myself am part of the trans community, and they're aware of the fact that I care personally about the topic. I have gotten a few likes on that post, maybe one or two reblogs, and the focus kept being on trans women's posts as it was meant to be, as in fact my addition meant to only be a reminder that yes, staff does this, they do target queer content, this is not a coincidence or a one time thing.

I might understand the contempt if I had said something like "actually it's not trans women, they're fiiine - the point is everyone else". But I haven't. What I'm saying is that yes they indeed do this to trans femmes, they do this all the time with queer content, we are not misplaced in our feelings of outrage. There is LITERAL PROOF that they do this, so we should recognize and be aware that when we engage with this site we also engage with a bigoted, transphobic & queerphobic staff.

There was no need to send me hate over it, either.

This is the post with my reblog, for reference.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

looking for: advice, help figuring out how to reconcile my feelings

tws: queer infighting (sort of?) acephobia mentions, arophobia

So, i've been struggling with this for a while now. I'll start by saying I am extremely pro my ace family and ace rights, I understand the type of persecution they face and it's horrible. None of what I'm dealing with from the asexual community is convincing me that asexuality is bad or asexuals have bad intent inherently.

I am aromantic and bisexual (not asexual), and I've faced a lot of flack from alloromantic and allosexual people for being bisexual and aro. You know, the idea that I'm just using people for their bodies and stuff. So that's really tiresome and frustrating, even the little things like "oh you're aro, you're not physically attracted to people?". Ignorance stings even if it's not malicious.

So I obviously take great comfort in the aro community. And the aro community is very connected to the ace community. Which I have no problem with! I have had a lot of trouble finding aro people who aren't ace, which is isolating and difficult.

So here's the main problem. I've faced a lot of hate and microaggressions from aro ace people and alloromantic ace people. Ace people either refusing to count alloaro people as a demographic, or acting like anyone who's aro must be ace. The worst for me is when they talk about specifically ace things and add aro in like it's just a descriptor. I'm writing this and my heart is aching bc I'm being lumped in with a group of people who aren't me!!! They're a lovely group of people but it's the same feeling of being misgendered. I can't pick a fight with everyone who does this, and if I express my frustrating with how I've been treated it's very easy for people to just label me as acephobic (which would be a horrible thing to be!!! except I'm not, I'm very clearly stating that some ace people are being bigots towards alloaro people).

I don't know how to reconcile my love and support of the ace community with the intense amount of persecution I've faced by many people in that community.

I know in my head that I can be angry at arophobic aces, but if I try to talk about it, and even in my emotions, it's so hard.

Hi anon, 

I’m so sorry this has been impacting you in such a painful way - I deeply sympathize because though I’m aspec myself, I am not aro, so I found myself nodding along to several points you made along the way in your post when trying to navigate the community where I’ve also mainly stumbled on people who identify with both.

At the end of the day it is a spectrum - well all sexuality is - but there is a wide coverage here, and unfortunately with not enough resources, representation and education about the asexuality spectrum many of us get lumped together in not only ignorant ways, but painful and even abusive ones, too.  All that being said, at the end of the day, there is a huge difference between making bigoted commentary about a group of people, and responding to commentary about a group of people that includes you (and I’m very sorry to hear that some people mislabeled your advocacy of what is said to you and/or how you are spoken to/about as being automatically aphobic).

Of course we cannot argue with everyone we come across, but it’s equally valid to want to be surrounded by people who do not make negative commentary about your romantic orientation, even if it’s from a place of ignorance versus say active harassment - if it hurts, it hurts, and you deserve a community where you can just be without the commentary based on false assumptions and aphobia (which I can appreciate might feel hard, when over 80% of aroromantics in this study have “reported not being taken seriously, being ignored, or being dismissed by others.”)

In regards to how to respond where it doesn’t feel hard, it might simply come down to a practice of one step at a time (and potentially looking into boundary scripts and how to respond to aphobia & bigotry resources) - but I believe it’s equally important to find a community of people you can just be with.  No one has the right to decide who belongs in public, shared spaces, so I don’t mean to suggest shrinking yourself into a box - but finding other people you can share with and who “get it” can be incredibly validating too as you navigate bigger spaces along your journey.  The AUREA website has both online resources, as well as in person groups, and here’s a reddit forum that might at least be able to help you find some online communities across various social media platforms?

Regardless of what happens next, you deserve to be embraced for who you are, as you are, and I hope you find a community that roots for you.

Mod Kat

[zombies-aliens]

There's this video about a guy named sneako. It's a short documentary style video like 30minutes. I used to really not care about what he must be going through internally because he genuinely seemed like the biggest egomaniac. And he actually is though. But the video shined a light on his younger self and how much better he was. So who is sneako sneako is a social media influencer who makes youtube videos and streams on rumble and he's a controversial figure like Andrew Tate (although I don't really understand the hate on andrew after watching interviews from him). Sneako is one of those guys who uses terms like alpha male/beta male and so maybe that says a lot about him already. He's part of the red pill community that talks about harsh truths of life, women, and social heirarchy to name a few. I personally used to be interested but it felt so toxic as if the point of it is to make me hate women. And the way they speak and present things is so harsh and overly blunt like absolutely insensitive. I think it's their overall attitudes that turn me off from that crowd. And I'm glad I did because again it felt toxic to listen to that all that crap. Even if some of it is true, which maybe some is, it's seems to have a negative impact on people who really immerse themselves in that world. It seems like only people with serious issues tend to be drawn to that crowd. It's really hard to find someone that's not so off putting in that community. Sneako is like unhinged he doesn't seem mentally well. Of course how can we not mention that he saw his girlfriend the woman he loves getting missionary'd in bed getting it on with his friend or whoever it was IN FRONT OF HIS EYESSSSS!!! DUDE!!!!! my guy is not okay bruh!!! Deep down everyone knows he has insecurity issues and he's handling it in the worst ways. He seriously has a fragile ego and just issues around ego.

I'm not here to bash him since everyone else is already going to be doing that probably until he changes his life around for the better or maybe if he gets off social media stays low key. But I really wanna wish this man well.

I really hope sneako gets serious help like therapy, maybe a doctor, find Jesus. All 3. Get with Christ. But some aren't into that but I still want him to get the help he needs. Christ definitely wouldn't hurt him like his current lifestyle choices is hurting him. Literally his biggest issue is his freaking ego.

But better believe I don't want to be around sneako because he scares me. Don't expect me to hug this man if I see him I'm not that guy lol

[jin0]

Not really a goodbye... But kinda.

So, the title is dramatic but it kinda represents what I'll be saying.

For those who don't know (probably everyone since I don't think I've told anyone) but I've had this account since 2016. At first i had it because my favorite fanartist was on here.

At the time i think i was already on wattpad, writing content and i kinda went through the same circle resulting in me ghosting all my followers on there.

Around 2021, i found my tumblr again thanks to a popular Gojo Satoru fic that i wanted to read and that's how I found the writing community on here. And not only were the fics great, but they also catered to a demographic that I was part of : black women. Thanks to an author that i had found on wattpad and basically followed here, (@balenciagabucky) i stuck around and loved it.

Being on tumblr was genuinely awesome because you could recenter my reading experience around shit that I liked now and not when i was twelve.

Seeing all the great writers on here, I wanted to be part of it. The more i read, the more i felt like this group of people were the greatest and i had to be part of it. That's when i started writing again. Writing stuff that i loved reading.

Again, this wasn't my first time writing but it felt like it. And I loved it.

Over time thought, I started building my account and it was great. I made my first fics, my first story, my first masterlist, had my first nonnie (not forgetting you STN nonnie <3) and had my first actual followers and not the blank blogs and bots.

The more i wrote and the more it grew and I loved it because i love attention. Genuinely not being weird, i love attention and being seen and my work being praised. These aren't bad things if you keep it healthy and know how not to depend on it.

Now that last part is important because until recently, i didn't know how to do that. And to this day I'm still learning. Because rather than find happiness and love in my own writing, I relied on the way others would react to it. And these reactions would actually impact my more than they should've. I know it's not that deep for some but i genuinely always did this with everything and everyone, basing my capacities and self worth on how a third party would react to it.

As you can see I lack in self love and shit like that, but I'm learning and I'm loving it honestly :) It's great honestly !!

Now, as I've mentioned previously, I already had a little writing experience (can I even call it that...?) from wattpad and I already had this habit of writing to get positive reactions from others. And that meant writing in class, during lunch and basically whenever I had the time. Sometimes I'd wake up and write immediately because I had inspiration, even when I felt like shit. It got so bad that i would be feeling guilty for not writing when I had the time because people would be reading and waiting for the next parts.

It got pretty unhealthy and I started hating writing. And unfortunately, I'm repeating the circle here and starting to take writing as a task rather than a fun thing I do to destress and whatnot.

I started tumblr to read and the more time went on, the less I read. My last saved fic was from like a week or a month ago, and the last time i read on here was in february. I barely even come here because it makes me feel guilty for not being able to write or not wanting too. And I even started feeling anxious about writing for other people, not Andrew/Peter, and that actually is pissing me off because why would I feel guilty for it ? I made it clear this wouldn't be a regular thing but I let the popularity of it make it a regular thing because I didn't want to displease others. That sucks.

And more than that, I see more and more authors leave because of the racism and plagiarism as well as entitlement of people who never interact, and don't follow you but ask for updates and requests fics. A'd let's not even talk about the minors. Some also go because life's just not at that point anymore and that's kinda the same for me. My life's moving on, so am I and I'm not going to keep up this toxic attachment with a literal blog on tumblr.com... That's weird and I'm not doing this to myself.

Now I'm just ranting but basically : I'm kinda done writing on here for a while or maybe forever.

I depend on the appreciation and opinions of others too much for something that I started for myself and I hate it. I get overwhelmed over nothing and again, I know it is not that deep, but still, I put myself too much into it and I can't do that anymore. I value my mental health and state too much to keep going that way when I know I don't feel good writing anymore. If it displeases, well, it's okay, but whatever happens on this account is my choice so yeah.

I'm sorry for the sleepover and for the asks but being on here doesn't make me happy at all and I hate half the shit I write. I was actually really close to just deleting my account without warning so yeah.

My target writing would be Steve/Cevans, maybe Bucky sometimes but since the only thing that works is Andrew content i shifted towards it even when I didn't want to or when I made it clear but yeah. I completely gave control of my blog to the people who read and I hate it. I basically just hate the way things are now. Because now that I look back on it, I have no attachment to it or care honestly and I don't like that it turned out that way but yeah.

I'm not going to make a promise that will disappoint like say that it's temporary when honestly, I will probably delete all my work (or at least the things that are unfinished) and the asks.

I don't know... My future on here is looking pretty inexistent from my point of view if I'm being honest both with you and myself. I've bent myself backwards to please random strangers on the internet and now I want to go back to the stuff I like : reading and staying in the shadows lol. I want to go back to writing on my own without making it public, writing the tropes I like, about the people I like and for me and me only. Because that people pleasing shit is getting very old and exhausting to be frank.

I'll still be on here, reading and reblogging content and interacting with other authors but as of now, my writing will be for myself only from now and therefore, will not be published. I'll be living my life for myself and it starts by detaching myself from things that don't serve me any purpose or any positive purpose at least.

So I want to thank all my mutuals and nonnies because y'all made it so much fun, even in the moments were I hated my writing and I'm happy to say that I got to meet you guys on here :)

i couldn't be happier for being able to say that I had STN anon (I don't think I ever told you, but you had sent me a long ask basically commenting on one of my stories and it was so detailed and passionate I couldn't stop reading it before responding) and Birdie as my first anons (remember when your name was nasty conscious ?? just remembered that and I teared up lol). Obviously, I'll miss all my anons and the moots too, y'all were genuinely the best part :)

It was a fun ride and I can't thank you all enough !!

Thank you so much <3 See you, maybe one day :)

_________________________________________

tagging a few moots below :) :

@afriendlyblackhottie @angrythingstarlight @boxofbonesfic @certainaesthetic @dontsaypetertingle @galatially @lipstickbisous @ramp-it-up @smutsonian @the-soot-sprite @the-iceni-bitch

[geneeste]

Please PLEASE address racism in fandom instead of it being a circle jerk of white voices. Please represent black people and nbpoc in your podcast for the love of god

The short answer to this is: I totally agree. I was actually just chatting with someone who had similar concerns, and they made a point that was on my mind as well: if I'm not intentional about seeking out non-white fan voices, this podcast will end up with all white guests, and that's a condition for failure for me.

My whiteness and queerness informs how I've participated in fandom and how I see fandom, and I know that'll come across in my recounting of fandom history (which is why it's important that white voices aren't the only ones talking -- that's not a complete picture).

So I want to take this opportunity to talk about my approach to talking with fans of color on the podcast, because I think it's important to be transparent so folks know what my strengths and weaknesses are and whether it's something they want to be involved in. (And, again, if the answer is "hell no, we're not touching this with a ten-foot pole", that's a valid and reasonable answer.)

I'm going to let guests guide our conversations and decide what they're comfortable talking about. If a guest wants to talk specifically about racism in fandom, I want to have that conversation and encourage it.

However, I also don't want a scenario in which I'm asking a fan of color to bare their soul and talk about an emotionally charged and draining subject for 30 minutes with someone they may not know well, to an audience of unknown composition and size. I also don't want to force anyone to publicly volunteer identities that could lead to them being harassed online. No one owes me that, and fans of color deserve time to talk about their history and experiences holistically and with joy in the same way that white fans do, without the fear of backlash as much as is possible.

In my real life I've worked professionally with online communities, and I've seen first-hand the damage that can be done, especially to Black community members, when proper moderation and other guardrails aren't put in place to protect them from hate online. I've seen the same happen in fandom; for just one example, I was active in the Arrow and Flash fandoms, and racism and abuse in those spaces forced visible Black fans I knew out of the community.

If a fan of color comes to me and says, for instance, that they want to talk about racism in X fandom because it's hugely impacted their experience in the community, I'm going to work very closely with them to do what I can to protect their fannish identities to avoid any pile-ons, harassment, or abuse that could result. In fact, I'll likely do this regardless of what they want to talk about, because unfortunately it's not uncommon for abuse to happen even when marginalized folks talk about totally mundane things. My experience with online communities means that I always try to prepare for the absolute worst, and then be pleasantly surprised if the best happens.

For this podcast, here are some of the strategies I plan to use to protect the folks who come on the podcast (and I'm absolutely open to other strategies or tools from folks with experience in this realm): using pseudonyms for guests, avoiding specific or identifying details in narratives when needed, limiting the places where the podcast will be available (for example, only on podcast platforms and not places like YouTube), and forcing all feedback that comes in about the podcast through me first, which I will then delete or pass on as makes sense.

So that's it! I know there's a lot here, but I hope it's helpful. Again -- I so appreciate how thoughtfully, kindly, and inclusively everyone has approached this podcast. <3

[bugflies00]

hi everyone! here are some reasons you should vote c!crimeboys (wilbur and tommy)

IMPORTANT INFO cause i keep seeing people get it wrong in the tags: THIS IS NOT RPF!! yes the real guys wilbur and tommy exist and yes sometimes people do write rpf of them, but the GREAT majority is about their roleplay characters who are separate from them! i understand it might be confusing, that's why we use c! (stands for character) before their name to make it clear we aren't talking about the real person who's a youtuber lmao

i know most of you will see the words "dream smp" and immediately click the opposite out of the spite and thats fair but please just understand that those guys have nothing to do with dream and most of their fans hate him too! just putting that out there cause i know that's a hold back for a lot of people

now for more lighthearted reasons Well you see c!crimeboys have an incredibly fucked up tragic story . they're brothers and they're codependent and they built a nation together and fought in wars and had each other's backs til the end when no one else did. they've been through SO much shit, wars and death(s) and struggle with mental health and they're still kicking! (we're ignoring ctommy who was canonically blown up that did not happen you don't need to hear about that).

but genuinely they explore such interesting topics around loyalty and to what degree it should be taken - you'd follow your older brother to the ends of the earth, but what do you with yourself when he dies and you realise you built so much of yourself around him? and when he's revived, how do you deal with both the loss you haven't recovered from and also with trying to rebuild something with him even though you've both changed and you're both severely traumatised? and when you're the older brother and you realise you're rotting in this place, do you leave your little brother and wish him the best to try one final time to be happy somewhere else?

they are also both transgender!!!! this is canon (/j)!!!! they told me personally!!!

the real guys wilbur and tommy are honestly the ones who really turned the dsmp from a regular minecraft server into an actual story and roleplay through these characters. and that has created a community that impacted so many people positively (yes i know some of the ccs are pieces of shit we are Aware trust me)

in addition vote for them if you like to see platonic relationships represented to an equal level as romantic relationships!! in fact more!! sbi (group of 4 characters/creators that crimeboys are a part of) was the top ao3 ship in i think 2021 and honestly as an arospec person it's really really cool to see platonic and familial relationships valued like that. if that's something you care about consider voting for these guys :)

that was my propaganda i don't have any high hopes we'll win this one but i would like it if we at least lose more honourably than like 10/90% lmao. now please take some of these images of them (the art is by sad-ist on youtube)

AND FINAL BONUS : if you have the time and you want to here are some really cool animatics about them that you could check out :)

PLEASE VOTE FOR C!CRIMEBOYS !! ! !!!!

AO3 Top Relationships Bracket- Round 3

Wilbur & Tommy is here as a platonic/familial relationship.

This poll is a celebration of fandom history; we're aware that there are certain issues with many of the listed pairings and sources, but they are a part of that history. Please do not take this as an endorsement, and refrain from harassment.

[anarmorofwords]

Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon