#and people act like im super innocent and young even when im not
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
autumnhobbit · 1 year ago
Text
iiiiii can’t figure out what my essences arrrrrre
2 notes · View notes
ingydar-phan · 21 days ago
Text
I think people are misinterpreting my stance on dangender. So let me say more, I guess.
- I am not indirecting anybody. This is a wide topic with varying ideas in it. My stances aren’t about the participants, they’re about the topic itself.
- I do not think having this stance is inherently harmful, transphobic, or unethical. I think some aspects can be rooted in harmful things but believing in dangender doesn’t make someone a bad person.
- My issue isn’t about boundaries themselves or crossing lines DNP have set. I know some people agreeing with me are making it about that, but that’s not what it’s about for me. I am super icked out by people who think they’re doing some sort of holy work by “protecting” their “innocent blorbos” or whatever from other peoples opinions/speculation. I’m not trying to be like “how dare you! If he saw this his feelings would be hurt!”. In fact, I think if Dan were to see dangender posts, he’d probably giggle, tilt his head, and be like “hmm yea ok I see what you’re saying!”. Im not trying to decipher what lines DNP have laid out themselves about what’s ok and what’s too much. Nobody can do that accurately besides DNP themselves, and this is a fandom space, so that’s not what I’m worried about, even though people seem to think it is.
I think it is absolutely true that having queer people in the phandom pre-BIG discussing DNPs relationship and queerness was a huge part of empowering Dan to come out. He’s said it in BIG, he said it in TIT, he’s said it a lot. Their community being nosy gays is how he found the space to come out. I know this. I affirm and agree with this.
My issue is there’s a difference between laying ground for mind-opening, and acting like there’s a confirmed secret being hidden from us when it comes to Dans gender. So, the difference between thinking “maybe if Dan really dug into what his gender could be, knowing it’s a safe space, he may come out with an idea of something more complex than cis” and thinking “he is for a fact trans/enby and already knows this, he’s just hiding it, and trying to hint it at everyone through these secret codes.”
All the jokes about phyuri and DNP looking like lesbians, the calling Dan “she” or “wife”, wanting DNP to watch I Saw The TV Glow, transmascs seeing themselves in Dan, that IS the community opening our arms and saying to be free to feel however you want to feel and express yourself however you desire. That’s so beautiful.
Collecting evidence that you surely know better than Dan himself that he’s actually secretly trans and hiding it is just, different, and is what makes me uncomfortable.
Lest we not forget that gender and sexuality, that queerness as a whole, are intertwined. A young confused traumatized Dan feeling urges to express femininity is just queerness itself, not specifically transness. Queer men are often inherently viewed as feminine, and going outside of strict gender expectations is a part of gayness for many gay men. Feeling like you’re different from your peers, like you want to express yourself outside of the norm, is tied into all forms of queerness. Dan is gay: he knows he’s gay, he’s worked hard to call himself gay. Gayness is queerness, and queerness is unique expression. His complex feelings about non-masculine expression tie into his gayness because he is a queer man. Him having those complex feeling about expression and self image do not mean he’s trans. They mean he’s queer period. What type of queer is up to him; and clearly the expression and label of queerness that he finds most accurate to himself is gay man. You can be a cis gay person and still have your queerness attach to your gender without it making you trans.
May he one day in the future find that that complex expression of queerness goes into his gender to the extent of transness? Maybe! I don’t know! Would I support him? Of course! Would I look back regretfully? No! I’m not attempting to prevent anyone from building a welcoming space. I just don’t like this assertion of specific labels and the idea that you know better than him. That is it.
116 notes · View notes
mikuni14 · 5 months ago
Text
Takara no Vidro - Ep 3
I have this problem with Takara no Vidro since the beginning. It has a lot of elements that I like in BL series and I enjoy watching it… if it weren't for one thing that appears from time to time: Something that always turns me off from romances of this type: the huge mental gap between the lovers. This is something I have always hated in straight romances as well, i.e. when the dude is a mature and experienced grown man, and the woman, although technically an adult, is super innocent and naive, inexperienced, immature, and sometimes even mentally a child. This is something widely considered romantic, while I - a huge fan of equality in relationships - simply cannot stand it. Unfortunately, from time to time this trope also appears in BL series, for this reason, for example, I could not finish Love Tractor, which pushed this trope to the maximum.
Don't get me wrong, I really like lovely, kind characters who maintain a childlike, innocent and trusting, view of the world, even when it makes them gullible and overly trusting. Such people naturally arouse caring and protective instincts in others (and in me) and such people, KIND, LOVELY PEOPLE, contrary to the mainstream, are attractive. Such people may be helpless, clueless, panicked, looking for help, trying to educate themselves - also in love and sex, unable to recognize signals that someone may like them, and even "slow" in recognizing their own feelings. There were such characters in BL series and I loved many of them. But what I have great difficulty accepting are characters like that guy from Love Tractor, or Taishin, who KNOW NOTHING. They are adults surprised by the existence of sex, sexuality, homosexuality, love for another person, and the reactions of their own bodies. They behave as if they grew up in woods with wolves, because there is no excuse for being this stupid in 2024 and not knowing basic things! And there really is no excuse, because, for example, I can't and have never piloted a plane, but I know that there is such a thing as a plane 😆 So the character doesn't have to date, have straight or gay sex to know that love and sex exist!! And here is Taishi, a young man at university, with access to education and media, accepting the fact of existence people who like people of the same sex with a gaping mouth !! And it seems he explains his growing attraction to Takara as being his fanboy!!! I'm sorry, but there are limits to being clueless, beyond which someone becomes a child, which is just... wrong.
I still give this show a chance because apart from those few moments it's nice and enjoyable, but I admit that when those moments come along, everything within me clenches.
There are many characters in BL series who are naive, clueless, often blind to the people and world around them, sometimes living in an idealized bubble of what love looks like (sweet dates with sweet girls) without that cringy childishness, like from the top of my head: Kakeru from I Cannot Reach You , Phumjai from Love in Translation, Lee Jun from Jun&Jun, Im HanTae from Sing My Crush, Chu Sang Woo from Semantic Error, or a perfect example: Ida from Kieta Hatsukoi. All these people were shocked when they discovered their feelings, they panicked, they acted stupid and made mistakes - but I never once had the impression that they were children in what they were doing. It really is possible to create an innocent/ clueless/ inexperienced/ uninterested in love and sex person who at the same time doesn't think and acts like a child. (of course, none of my above accusations have anything to do with the stalker situation, which is happening beyond Taishi's control and could happen to anyone, even the most cautious and experienced person. People who interpret basic politeness as an invitation are everywhere, as every woman can confirm).
Gosh, I really hope this series doesn't go the way of Love Tractor, because I would really like to finish it 😩
8 notes · View notes
angy-grrr · 2 months ago
Text
i see many people saying they want fandoms to be like they used to, cringy and stupid, and while I do agree with that I think some are not remembering some things extremely normalized in mainstream fandoms just 7, 8 or 10 years ago.
Some of the most influential people in anime spaces, who also created content and even some organized events (with no age restrictions), were fucking perverts with a disgusting morality. Idk about other contexts, but in my case introducing yourself to anime bc you liked the cute drawings ended up becoming dangerous, with those guys teaching harmful stuff and making jokes over serious topics (usually, racism, lgbt+phobia, femicides and basically any form of paraphilia im not even exaggerating).
The far right was there, sex offenders were there, and they were so popular... I dont think people are remembering these things, and it makes me feel weird when I see those posts, or when people act like they have never seen something like that before.
I understand how annoying it is to see basically "normal" people taking fandom spaces and hating them for what they are (silly, playing with dolls basically), but can we please remember how creators would normalize sexualizing characters and scenarios? For my autistic ass it was like mandatory to accept it even if it confused me as a child (im one of those who got into anime very young, I wish I and others didn't tbh), im talking about those levels of normalized. And tbh, it didn't really matter if you were a man or not, in the demographics for girls there were extremely harmful dynamics and normalization of assault.
Like- im still working on unlearning all this shit because I literally trained myself to be attractive to those guys from a young age until very recently (less consciously in the last years, but still finding my own value in appealing to them even if they actually disgust me)! AND I DONT EVEN LIKE GUYS GAHGHGH
Of course not all creators were like that, and basically starting in social media, specifically YouTube, meant subjecting yourself to the far right but in super casual ways sometimes -like gamers. Again, idk about other contexts, but here those guys ended up being lgbt+phobic, even when they tried to appeal to LGBT+ young audiences, really racist, violent towards women, sex offenders and endorsing the far right. And none of them were that young when they started, many were 25 and now in their late 30s are still fucking disgusting and are still making content for young audiences.
Like... these thing still happen, and they are teaching young people to ignore their own ideas and feelings to follow theirs, because how could they ever be bad, how could they ever wish harm upon innocent ppl?
(Does this count as grooming when the content creator tried to do this to their whole audience and ends up affecting ppl even years later? I genuinely ask, I feel so pathetic needing to unlearn seeing myself like that for the longest time fjsjxfksjfksjl)
I hate dudebros bc of this, but also lets not forget any anime space was like that, including the "queer spaces" (honestly, just the yuri and yaoi sides; in yuri you found content for men mainly, even if it looks sfw and cute. In yaoi it was for women who couldn't see themselves represented in hetero media but still wanted to see kind hetero media, and there were many disgusting topics normalized in these spaces).
Old fandom spaces had good things, but also rotten stuff. I think we should work into creating fun fandoms in the present instead of romanticizing nostalgia.
1 note · View note
eliseuocscreator · 3 months ago
Text
Yeonwoo's innocence x Komi san Can't communicate OCs Profiles
Name: Jihoo Haesol
Height: 165cm
Weight: 56kg
Age: 20(first appearance)
21(Summer vacation)
22(Currently)
Occupation: Athlete
Date of Birthday: Same as her mother.
Physical Appearance: A short girl, with short hair (like Haesol when she had short hair), and yellow eyes like her father, and a somewhat masculine body style (a bit athletic, because she works out)
Style: Gym girl/tomboy
Personality: She is an older sister, super calm and supports her younger brother in everything, she also protects her little brother from bullies, and she is the one who helps her little brother communicate when he can't, She can sometimes be very serious, when it comes to when many people talk badly about her parents or her younger brother's style, she acts like a tomboy (skateboarding, and going to the gym).
Family:
• Yeonwoo Haesol(Father)
• Kang Haesol(Mother)
• Yujin Haesol(Youngest Brother)
• Yeonwoo's Parents(Paternal grandparents)
• Nam Junhyuk and Im Junhyuk(Paternal godparents)
• Jin Jinwoo and Yeseul(I forgot her first name-) Jinwoo(Maternal Godparents).
• Chung Harang(Maternal "Aunt").
• Amaterasu and Tsuki(Cats)
Name: Yujin Haesol
Height: 176cm(formely)
179cm(Second year/third year)
Weight: 68kg(formely)
72,5kg
Age: 15(First Appearance)
16(First year/Second year)
17(Currently)
Birthday: Same as his father
Occupation: Student
Class 3-1(Same as Hitohito and Shouko)
School: Itan Private School
Affiliation: Nene Onemine(Girlfriend)
Style: Androgynous(He paints his fingernails black, and he doesn't wear dresses/skirts, he also wears light colors, like light blue for example, or clothes like Yeonwoo's when he was young).
Physical Appearance: A little tall for his age, he has a feminine appearance like his father Yeonwoo, his sister kind of helped him gain a little weight (by exercising), to see if he gained a little weight and immunity, but like Yeonwoo, he was born with low immunity, and gets sick easily, even after doing physical exercises, his hair is short, and his eyes look feminine too(like his father), his hair color is dark brown, and his eyes color is dark purple(my headcanon is that Haesol has eyes of that color), he always walks around with tactile gloves, which serve to warm his hands and make him hold an object (they are fingerless gloves) and have a tactile surface on the palm of the hand and on the fingers (with the exception of the fingertips).
Family:
• Yeonwoo and Kang Haesol(Parents)
• Jihoo Haesol(Oldest Sister)
• Yeonwoo's Parents(Paternal grandparents)
• Nam Junhyuk and Im Junhyuk (Paternal godparents)
• Jim Jinwoo and Yeseul Jinwoo(Maternal Godparents)
• Chung Harang(Maternal "Aunt").
• Amaterasu and Tsuki(Cats)
Relationships:
• Shouko Komi and Hitohito Tadano (Best Friends)
• Najimi Osana, Omoharu Nakanaka, Himiko Agari, Kaede Otori, etc...(Friends)
• Ren Yamai("Enemy", He sees her as an enemy, because of what she did to Hitohito and because she kind of treats him very cordially)
Nicknames: Haesol-San, Haesol-kun, Angel of the School, Yujin-kun, the gothic maid, the boy with the unique appearance.
Personality: Because he is a level 1 autistic (and varying between 2 and 3) and has ADHD, he tends to have a lot of social anxiety when there are a lot of people, and also a lot of loud noise, he has sound hypersensitivity, in fact, one of his fears is thunder/lightning, He can get distracted easily, with many thinking that he is not interested in talking, but he tries his best to talk and focus on the conversation. He talks through his cell phone, or through his diary, he prefers to use his cell phone because he can write as many words as possible.
0 notes
starbuckie · 4 years ago
Text
𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠
Tumblr media
pairing(s): college!peter parker x reader, dark!steve rogers x reader, dark!sam wilson x reader, dark!bucky barnes x reader
words: 8.1k words
warnings: DARK!FIC, SMUT 18+ (unprotected sex, foursome turned fivesome, gangbang, non-con/dub-con, daddy kink, oral M and F-receiving, spit kink, degredation kink, praise kink, creampie), age-gap (reader is in her early 20s), cheating, angst, there’s like zero fluff
summary: peter should’ve made it back to the tower for date night on time, or maybe just before he found his girlfriend being fucked by three other superheroes.
a/n: eee my first dark fic! im so so happy with the way this turned out, and even though it was a pain in my ass for nearly three months, im so hapy to share it with y’all. this idea was brought up by an anon from @mypoisonedvine’s saturday sleepover a few months back, but i switched up tony and sam bc i didn’t like the tony and peter stuff. hopefully my smut has improved from the first time i wrote it in january, and just a reminder that in no way, shape, or form do i condone rape of any kind. there’s a large difference from the page and the real world. i try to put all tw’s in the tags and warnings, but if there was something i missed please tell me. thank you to my lovely bestie @mermaidxatxheart for beta-reading(i have no fucking clue what i’d do without your help). feel free to leave a comment or two and reblog, but don’t repost anywhere or i will hunt down your ass. thank you again and please please enjoy <3
main masterlist || mcu masterlist || sebastian stan characters masterlist
Bucky wasn’t planning to fuck Y/N as soon as he saw her.
It started with a faint mention, something Tony had thrown around along the lines of, “Parker’s bringing his girl down here tomorrow, don’t be an asshole”. He didn’t give a damn what Tony said or how he acted around Peter’s girl. Years of being thrown between gruesome mind-wiping and being half-dead, asleep in a freezer would do that to a man.
So the next day when Peter brought his girlfriend in, he was scratching his ass like a fucking ape and downing a beer with a messy bun at the nape of his neck, until he actually saw her. Neat hair, even neater laces with a sweet smile but a body that could kill. Didn’t matter that she was bundled under Parker’s hoodie and a pair of jeans- he could always admire a pretty dame, but Bucky could see that she was beyond that. It was as if God had intentionally made the one being, the one ethereal creature beautiful and angelic enough to be a sin away from him, so that he couldn’t touch her. Because she was young, and in her twenties, and that shouldn’t have even been the first two things that popped up in his mind because she was also Peter’s girlfriend.
But then she had the audacity to stick her hand out, a shy grin and twinkle in her eyes as she gave her name. It sounded so pretty rolling off of her tongue, and he wondered what it would sound like while he groaned it into her cunt.
Y/N. 
So, yeah, maybe Bucky wasn’t planning to fuck her as soon as he met her, but it was pretty damn close after.
-
Steve Rogers was one of very few men who said they had the pleasure of banging nearly every woman on the north side of Manhattan. Bucky indulged in the fact that the man who had once been too shy to do so much as meet a gal’s gaze was now “a dollar whore”, but he was more than happy to keep that title if it meant he could continue to get off in the nearest woman’s mouth everyday. 
Every time he walked down the streets of New York with just a simple ball cap and jeans, he could feel stares on his back from what seemed like miles away, girls on every street corner just waiting for him to take her into the nearest public bathroom and fuck them dirty. CEOs, baristas, girls fresh out of getting master’s degrees with stars in their eyes and big dreams, until he shattered them by making them gag on his cock and scream his name into bedsheets. Or tile floors. He didn’t care as long as they were screaming. The girls of this century were just too delectable to turn down. He didn’t discriminate. His dick had been in women of every height, stature, hair color, and he had quite the variety throwing themselves at him as well.
And then Tony ruined it all and sat him down with a simple explanation that the image of Captain America was being tainted with disturbing stories of girls being fucked in the ass and thrown on their knees in dirty bathroom stalls. The blond was beyond pissed when the billionaire told him to stop dicking around, but he couldn’t do anything else if he wanted to keep his title and job. In a new century, even if he’d had a few years to adjust, he was still absolutely oblivious when it came to anything outside of aliens and sex. There was nothing left for him outside of being an Avenger, so reluctantly he agreed to keep his number of conquests to a minimum, and most definitely inside of the tower rather than out on the street.
However, inside of the tower seemed to be no problem at all when Peter brought his girlfriend over, all smiles and straight A’s, and that’s when Steve realized that he’d yet to fuck a bright, little college student. He could see himself stripping her from the innocence in her eyes, loosening up her pussy with his thick cock against the wall in his room.
Surely Tony couldn’t reprimand him for spending a little time trying to bond with Peter’s new girl, right?
-
Sam Wilson was a simple man. He had a job, a well-paid one at that, somewhere to live, a girlfriend, or a woman to keep him company, that’s for sure- but for once in his life he was seeking out something other than missions, something that would keep him busy when he was feeling bored, something like-
Pleasure, and he knew that he’d finally found what he was looking for the moment Peter brought his girlfriend through the elevator doors on the fifty-sixth level of the Avengers tower. She’d shaken his hand so daintily and spoke so politely that if he were to see her without any backstory, he’d think she was another innocent, dim-witted college student, breaking her bank account every Saturday morning and naively believing that her relationship would last longer than a few months. But by the things Parker had told him, she was much more than that.
Was it shitty of Peter to tell his teammates, the people he worked with, how Y/N was in bed? By the majority’s vote, probably, and by Sam’s strict conduct of his own morals, definitely, but when Peter’s girl looked like that and he was so incredibly bored with his routine? 
Well, fuck, Sam had never been happier that the Spider-kid had told everyone how his girl gave head.
Peter brought his girlfriend in daily after that, and every one of her visits, she grew less shy and more friendly, and the Falcon saw each of his friends gape at her growing comfortability with a wolfish demeanor. It started with the water incident with Steve in the kitchen, where he so clearly spilled water on her already thin, white camisole with intention. Sam couldn’t say he was upset though, after all Steve had offered him and the rest of the Avengers quite a show when he tried to clean up her shirt, taking his sweet, sweet time to fondle her tits as subtly as he could, his eyes staring at her pebbled nipples poking through the material. He could see Bucky hiding his boner under his cereal bowl on the couch that day. 
Then of course, he’d been no better than America’s sweetheart himself when he greeted Y/N with a hug that in hindsight, was a little too enthusiastic. His large hands squeezed into the pockets of her back pocket, and if the college student found anything weird with it, she didn’t say so, but Sam graciously palmed the round globes of her ass in his hands, feeling the muscle clench under his fingers. Oh, how he’d never hugged someone that tight ever before in his life. Maybe he would’ve gotten a bit further than squeezing her ass had it not been for his own girlfriend standing behind him, ready to introduce herself to Y/N.
Bucky, well, Sam could admit that Bucky had the most guts out of all of them. Though the super-soldier was normally well-reserved and polite, the dark glint in his eyes the day he met Y/N let him in on the secret that he had a much dirtier mind than most thought. It had been movie night that time, and he barely even tried to cover up how much he wanted the girl, his hands resting all over her as they watched Inception. Hardly a movie to get so riled up over, yet Bucky’s hand still inched its way up her thigh, his rough fingers gently carressing the flesh until they started to lightly trace the apex of her thighs. 
If she noticed anything then, she didn’t comment on it, doe-like eyes just marvelling at the screen in great intrigue. It was only when Peter’s arms wrapped around her a bit tighter did she scooch away from Bucky’s touch, with a small apology and shy grin. 
That only made his dick harder.
On the other side of Bucky, his super-soldier counterpart tapped his knee gently, forcing their blue eyes to meet each other. No words had to be said between the two, three men when they looked over to Sam, because they all recognized that look they saw in each other's eyes; predatory, dark, nearly voracious in the way they all wanted to be balls deep inside of Y/N.
And they would get there. No matter how long it took, they knew that the ultimate prize of tearing their prey apart would be more than worth the wait.
-
“Hey, babe, I’m gonna be a little late. Ned and I got stuck back in the lab, so we’re gonna need to stay until eight or nine. Can you make it to the tower by yourself alright?”
Peter’s concerned voice made Y/N smile gently as she trudged along the rainy streets of New York. He always loved to worry about her, especially when it was dark and gloomy out, but she could handle herself pretty okay. By pretty okay, of course meant she could kick ass like no other twenty-something year-old, but she wasn’t one to brag. Y/N readjusted the Kate Spade purse on her shoulder with her right hand, attempting to keep her umbrella over her head with the other. “I’ll be fine, Pete, just go finish up and get back to me. I’m gonna be waiting in your room at the tower before you go off on that mission this weekend.”
A small sigh came through the speaker, “Okay, I’ll try to get back to you soon. I love you, Y/N.”
“I love you too, Pete.” 
“Oh,” she could hear the shy but no less mischievous smile that was taking over his face, “I left you a little present on the bed, make sure you open it before I get back.”
Y/N’s face heated at the implication. “Peter Parker, you dirty little-” He ended the call with a laugh, and she huffed out a small chuckle at his childish antics.
The walk to the Avengers tower would have been nice, had it not been for the downfall of rain, making everything mushy, socks being absolutely soaked through her sneakers by the time she arrived. The receptionist at the front desk, Jenny, if Y/N remembered correctly, stared at her a little oddly, probably not expecting to see the young college girl in such a state of disorder, but it didn’t affect her at all. She confidently strutted up to the elevator, pressing in the floor number where all the rooms were located. Y/N scrolled through her Twitter feed on her phone while classic rock blared through the elevator with the constant shuffling of people moving in and out. Seven minutes and thirty-two seconds later she was sprinting down the halls with soggy shoes and damp hair, her cold body screaming for warmth.
Peter’s room was the farthest down the hall, and the room was fairly empty. He rarely stayed at his room in the tower, preferring to stay with his Aunt May or keep Y/N company in Brooklyn. When she entered the room, she saw a plain white shirt and a pair of socks strewn upon the carpeted floor, but what really caught her eye was the red box wrapped in a pink bow on the bed. Deciding it would add more suspense if she opened it later, she quickly hopped in the shower, letting the hot water warm her freezing, rigid muscles under the spray. 
Peter didn’t have all the products she’d usually use before she knew they were going to have sex, so she had to make do with the half-used bar of Irish Spring and his small travel-sized bottles of shampoo and conditioner, promising the fresh, breezy smell of citrus and mint. It was a quick process; two squeezes of shampoo, shaving with the green soap as best as she could without cutting herself, one squeeze of conditioner. A fuzzy towel sat waiting for Y/N on the rack, with the Spiderman symbol as a prank gift from her to her lovely boyfriend, and without a second to let the heat leave her damp skin, she wrapped herself in it, quickly hopping out to the bedroom again.
The lingerie she set out on the bed was a deep set burgundy color, with lace decorating the delicate corset and the trim of the satin panties. The packaging really did not do it justice. Y/N grinned at the new set, one that she knew would happily be torn from her body later. A shiver ran through her as she let the cold air fall over her skin, carefully slipping the lingerie on. It was a damn shame, really; the set was quite nice, and she reminded herself to buy more of the nicely suiting color for their nights together. 
Click.
Y/N’s heart thumped with anticipation as she heard the door open and she took a quick moment to ready herself. Hair in perfect style, legs stretched along the length of the bed to make herself look as seductive as possible, a small smirk thrown on her pouty lips.
But in the darkened room, it wasn’t Peter’s shadow that appeared. Three men, three tall, bulkier men’s shadows appeared at the foot of the bed, and horror washed over her as she realized who they were. “Goddamn, dolly, I’ve imagined what you would’ve looked like under those sweaters, but this is much sweeter than I expected.”
The sinister face of Bucky Barnes came into her view, just a sliver of moonlight lighting up his pale skin. His eyes raked over Y/N’s uncovered skin, and goosebumps appeared as she tried to cover herself up under his predatory gaze.
“W-what are you doing here?” She whispered worriedly. Sam and Steve flanked the bed on either side of her, plastered sickly sweet smiles on their faces, providing her with a false sense of security that made her heart scream in fear. Though she wasn't making any noise, her lungs felt like they were going to give out, her throat closing up like an allergic reaction. 
Her head whipped every which way in robotic movement, her brain seeming to fail her as she scanned the room for an exit. Several moments of shortened breaths, cold air chilling her body, before she came out of her freezing shock to realization.
“Why are you here? Please, get out, just g-get out!”
A calloused hand pushed away Y/N’s left arm that covered her tits, and Steve groaned at the sight of her pebbled nipples. “God, baby, they’re as pretty as I thought they’d be. Been trying to feel them up all week, but you knew that, didn’t you?”
Saturday the week before at lunch when he’d spilled water over chest and tried to clean her up. Sam’s friendly hug that became a bit less friendly when his hands slipped into the back pockets of her jeans. The movie night on Monday when Bucky’s hand caressed her thigh a little too close to her core. All of their touches began to make more sense, and her eyes filled with tears at the realization. 
“Please,” she begged, tears blocking her vision, “I promise I won’t tell anyone, not even Pete, but please just go.”
“You just don’t get it, do you?” Steve asked. He grasped her chin roughly, his face close enough to hers so that she could feel his fiery breath on her lips. “We’re not leaving, sweetheart. You’re gonna let all three of us play with your pretty little body, and you’re gonna make the prettiest sounds for us, alright?”
Y/N shook her head violently, too afraid to make noise, but also bold enough to make one last attempt at freedom. The hand that held her chin quickly moved to slap her cheek, and she hated the way the sting made heat stir in her lower belly. She tried to shy away from their touch again, but Bucky’s face simply held the same smirk as he trailed his vibranium fingers up and down her leg. 
“Oh, come on, Y/N, don’t act all shy now. Peter has been telling us how good you’ve been to him and don’t think he hasn’t told us about your little childhood crush on little ol’ me. Been wanting to fuck you ever since.” Bucky’s hand quickly left her body, instead moving to palm over the bulge in his pants. “Fuck, sweetheart, got me real hard just thinking ‘bout your pussy swallowing my cock. Bet you’re gonna be a sweet, obedient girl for me, right?”
Fire started to course through Y/N’s veins, and with all the power she tried to dampen it down with, it seemed to push through her body that much more dangerously. She despised the fact that she could feel herself growing wet for the three older men, but God, she had never felt the need to be filled up as badly as she did in that moment.
“You’re a bit of a slut, don’t you think?” Sam mocked. He kneeled on her right, his eyes fixated on her panty-clad pussy, a wet patch already forming on the soft satin. It really didn’t help that three of her teen celebrity crushes were eyeing her nearly naked body like a piece of meat. “I mean, look at you, already growing wet and needy for three cocks. Is that what you want, honey? Parker not treating you good enough?”
She hesitated. Goosebumps rose across her skin at the sinister tone of his voice, like he already knew it was true. And it was true and she hated that Sam was right, but as amazing as Peter was a boyfriend, it was clear from the vibrator hiding in his apartment’s bathroom that he was not amazing in the sheets. Every time, she held hope that it would be better, that she would finally get to stop faking an orgasm before he rolled out of the bed with a filled up condom, but she knew deep down inside of her that it wasn’t happening anytime soon. Y/N forced herself to nod weakly at Sam’s questions, and Bucky chuckled. “Oh, you poor dolly, we’re gonna have so much fun with you. Treat you better than that little boy ever could.”
All it took was a whimper, a nearly audible, deadly silent whimper that managed to squeak its way past Y/N’s throat, and the three men took it as permission to ravage her body however they pleased.
Steve made quick work of his pants as Sam lifted her chin to kiss him, his tongue hot and heavy against her mouth, coaxing her lips open. The sound of belt buckles hitting the floor shamefully turned on Y/N even more. Panic coursed through her senses, her mind wanting to scream for them to stop, but her body knew her too well as she felt a wave of slick run down her thighs. Cold metal digits slipped under the waistband of her panties, moving to her wet folds, and she whimpered into Sam’s mouth at the touch. 
“You look so nice, baby, so pretty all laid out for us like this.” Bucky’s hands pulled down her panties as Steve pinched her peaked nipple through the lace, laying lavish, open-mouthed kisses down her torso. The cool air hit her pussy when Bucky’s hands pulled her legs wide open, fully exposed to the three men ready to use her against her will. “Knew you’d be so wet for us, sweetheart, just look at you. Dripping all for your daddies,” Steve murmured against her skin.
Hot breath fanned over her cunt before they rolled her over on her stomach, someone’s hands forcing her up onto her knees with her face smashed into the cotton pillows. She could feel two rough human hands pulling her ass cheeks apart, spreading her ever wider for their view. “Would you look at that, boys, look how fucking hot she is for us.”
Sam’s thick finger ran through her folds, the calloused pad of his finger just teasing her clit before landing a harsh smack to the inside of her thigh. Her moan was muffled through the mattress and she prayed they wouldn’t hear how being treated like whore made her wet like nothing else. 
Hot slick dripped down her thighs, a pool of it staining the pristine sheets by each knee. It was quite a sight, Steve, kneeled by the bed as his face hovered next to her ear, whispering filthy things into her ear as Bucky stroked his hard, leaking cock right next to him. Sam’s lips were making their way up the inside of her right thigh, cracked skin gliding across her sticky flesh. “Oh, baby,” he purred, “you smell so good. Bet you taste even better, don’t you, little girl?”
His tongue reached the apex of her thighs, finally licking a stipe up her center with no warning. Y/N sobbed into the comforter below her, mascara stained tears marking up her face. Two fingers edged their way between the bed and her face, forcing her head upwards and arching her back. Steve’s face was caught in a dirty smirk above hers, lip pulled taut between his teeth, until he saw the tears trailing down her face. “Oh, sweetheart, you look so desperate like this.” His fingers traced her smeared lip gloss around her lips, before opening her lips harshly. “Open up, you dumb baby.”
Y/N forced her jaw open wider, just enough to watch a string of Steve’s saliva drip into her mouth. The thick spit pooled on her tongue and she tried hard not to grimace in front of him, in hopes that he wouldn’t make her- 
“Swallow it, sweetheart.” He saw the hesitation in her eyes, how her lower lip trembled at his words, but he just laughed at her. “Now.”
The warm saliva slid down her tongue and more black tears ran down her face as she obliged his orders, finally gulping it and cringing at the taste. Steve loved the way her face screwed up in displeasure, how she still had the audacity to pretend she hated what they were doing though she was moaning and whimpering with Sam’s tongue attacking her entrance.
“What do you want, sweetheart? We might give it to you as long as you use your words.” Bucky taunted lightly.
Y/N stared up at the brunette, staring menacingly down at her with his cock in hand. “Please,” she whimpered.
The three found it woeful, the way she could barely get a full sentence out as Sam went to town with his skilled tongue, but even with that onslaught, a simple please wasn’t enough for them.
“Please what, honey,” Sam moaned from between her legs, “you gotta use your big words or we’ll never know what you want from us.”
Steve and Bucky nodded in fake-agreement even though they all knew exactly what she wanted and where. 
“I don’t-” her widened eyes glanced into Steve’s, blown-out and teary. “I don’t want anything, not from you.” She lied through her teeth harshly.
Sam removed his head from between her thighs and Y/N immediately whined at the loss of contact almost hilariously. “You don’t want anything, little girl?” 
The air felt static, every hair on her neck rising in the pressured silence. The angel and the devil clawed at her heart, each trying to show her what was right. And she wanted to sin, God knew that she would love nothing more than to let that little greedy part of her take over, but she’d already cheated on Peter and that damn good part of her conscience stole the wheels of her brain.
Slowly and shamefully, she shook her head, though the downright dirty monster inside of her wanted the men to ignore her words and keep assaulting her body. 
“That’s a shame, baby, I thought we were having fun.” Sam sighed. He met Bucky’s gaze on the side, and though they seemed to be in resignation with her wishes, their eyes twinkled devilishly. He positioned his body over Y/N’s kneeled over form, his bare chest glued to her sweating back as his hands ran up the sides of her ribcage and to her front, just barely grazing over her sensitive nipples. “You mean, you don’t want me to touch you here?”
He pinched the darkened buds and she had to use every ounce of self-restraint to not collapse at the sensation. His calloused hands moved back even further, tracing down to the stretch of skin just above her mound, swiping a finger across the skin delicately. “How about here? Or even,” he brought three fingers around her body, over her ass, and into her glistening cunt again, just rubbing along her entrance, not daring to go further in. Y/N couldn’t hold in her reaction to his prodding anymore, his teasing chipping away all of her dignity and pride in a few simple touches. 
“Yes, please, please, use your fingers,” she blurted against her will. Where shame should have washed over her, there was only lust, raging red and coursing through her body so forcefully that she felt braindead. “Put your fingers in me, daddy, please.”
The pet name rolled off of her tongue so easily and she was barely ashamed of how it made her feel. The name especially shocked the three men, who smiled even wider with their cocks harder than before at the little slip up. “That was all you had to say, dolly, gonna have your daddies make you feel real good,” Bucky laughed.
Sam finally plunged his thick fingers knuckle-deep into her cunt as Steve’s mouth captured hers, effectively swallowing her scream with ferocity. The long digits scissored and swirled inside of her, pressing against new unexplored areas that she’d never even gotten to with her own fingers. White dots danced along the front line of her vision as teeth clashed against hers and though it’d been mere minutes she already knew she was close and the men did as well.
“I can feel you clamping around my fingers, honey,” Sam taunted. His lips were moving sinfully around her ass, planting sloppy kisses and drooling all over her skin while he fingered her deep. “Are you gonna come soon, baby?”
“Yes, daddy, I’m so- fuck,” Y/N panted into Steve’s mouth, “m’ so c-close.” The blond bit her tongue hard enough for her to taste blood and she yelped as she heard Sam and Bucky laugh. 
“Watch your language, dolly,” Bucky sneered from the side of the bed. His hand was rapidly moving around his cock, corkscrew motions edging him towards the brink of pleasure. 
“Little girls like you don’t get to use big swear words,” Sam’s face was still buried between her legs, his soaked fingers pulling out of her cunt only to rub at her little pearl of nerves in circles. His tongue still lapped at her dripping entrance and he could feel her tight hole start to pulse as her breathing picked up. “Oh, baby, you’re getting close, aren’t you?”
Y/N was hesitant to answer at first, the sweat on her body seeming to cool immediately in fear of what would happen if she messed up. But after five seconds Steve stopped kissing her, gripping her chin and staring into her eyes deeply. He looked as debauched as she felt, with his rosy lips swollen with spit and cheeks tinged with pink. “Are you gonna answer daddy, sweetheart?”
That knocked her into shape real fast.
“Yes, daddy, I’m so close. P-please let me come,” she whimpered. The whine in her voice pleased the two men, and Steve went back to exploring her mouth before she felt something poking against her asshole.
“Gonna let daddy put his cock in you, little girl?” Sam asked gently. His words had panic coursing through her system, a chilling realization like water being poured on her head and she began to wiggle around, trying to free Sam’s hand from her hip. Her arms weakly pushed at Steve’s chest, trying to push him as far away as he could, but the men only laughed at her flailing limbs. Y/N wanted to scream no to them, and despite her contrasting love-hate relationship with Sam’s fingers inside her cunt she knew it was time to go. It was laughable how much she would continue to say that to herself for the rest of the night. 
But Sam managed to sense her panic, knowing exactly what the issue was before harshly spanking her and effectively stopping her struggle. “Don’t worry, baby, I won’t come inside of you. I’m not risking knocking up a whore with my kids, I’ve got more dignity than that.”
He led the leaking tip of his dick down her crack, rubbing it along her slick entrance before pushing in with a groan. “Oh my fucking God, that is so hot.” Bucky admonished from the side. “Gotta get in on that soon.”
Steve chuckled against Y/N’s lips, pulling away with a strand of saliva connecting them. He adjusted himself up so his dick was centimeters from her face, a knee propped up on the bed for balance. “Gotta wait your turn, Buck, we all want a piece of her.” He noticed the way Y/N’s eyes were transfixed on his cock, the red mushroom head smeared with precome along the slit, nearly purplish veins standing out prominently on his shaft. Yeah, he couldn’t even deny that he was big because he already knew how many girls had dropped down on their knees for him. “Go ahead, sweetheart, open up those pretty lips for me.”
Almost too excitedly, she dropped her jaw, allowing him to slide his cock into the silky warmth of her mouth. As his hips started to thrust into her mouth, Sam’s started to do the same into her cunt. Both men moaned in tandem with their movements as Y/N’s worries faded away to the back of her mind as they stuffed her to the brim.
“You can come now, baby,” Sam nearly ordered, “go and cream on daddy’s cock- fuck, I know you’ve been waiting.”
It was a harsh bump of his head against her G-spot that sent her over the edge, walls clamping down with ferocity and milking him for all she was worth. Y/N reeled in the sunlight infested warmth that coursed through her body as she finally let go, whining around Steve’s dick as he continued to abuse her throat with long, deep thrusts. 
Bucky was still holding his orgasm off, fondling with his tight, heavy sac while his dick remained a painfully hard mess, glistening with precome. “I’m so glad I got to see you come, dolly, look so fucking pretty when you do.”
She couldn’t deny the little skip of her heart at the praise, just a few simple words that made her feel like a good little girl. But no, God-fucking no, she wasn’t supposed to let them make her feel this way. Guilt washed away that warmth in her chest just as quickly, knowing that her boyfriend was just waiting to come back to see her, finishing up his studies so that they could live their lives out together after college while she was getting her pussy and mouth absolutely wrecked by his co-workers. 
As soon as Y/N got her brain thinking straight again, Sam started moving inside of her again and she garbled out a strangled cry. “If you thought we were done here, baby,” Sam laughed, “you’ve got a lot left ahead of you.”
“We’re not leaving until all of us have come, brat.” Steve’s palm gripped the back of her skull roughly, pushing her head so far down on his dick that her nose was squished against his abdomen. “Greedy little bitch.”
Both men started to thrust into her again, and just like that she was back to being absolutely lost in desire and lust like the bitch in heat she was until there was a sudden shift in the air. So much that the sweat on her body began to cool her skin, Sam’s hands still gripping her hips so tightly she knew they’d leave marks that she would have to hide when she wore her favorite low-cut shorts. 
Bucky’s eyes seemed to drift from her tits moving with each movement of her hips, checking behind the door as if there were something lurking there, but she was too afraid to see for herself. If she stopped she would get spanked, and they’d probably prolong her second orgasm even further, and her pussy couldn’t handle any more subtle teasing.  
“Hey there, Parker, why don’t come on out here?”
But that, that was what made the hairs on Y/N’s neck rose, dread filling her to the fullest as she realized the implications of Sam’s words.
Peter had seen everything. Peter, her boyfriend, had seen three of his co-workers, three men who she barely knew, fuck her deep into his mattress. Peter, her boyfriend, had watched her get fucked into his mattress, without trying to stop them whatsoever.
She couldn’t tell if it was the guilt of cheating on her boyfriend or the freezing realization that he hadn’t done anything to stop the three men that hurt more. 
Yet Peter still walked from behind the door, dressed in a NYU hoodie and a pair of khakis slung low on his hips, just drawing attention to the sizable bulge that stretched out his zipper. His umber eyes, normally full of so much joy and love, were possessed by the same lust and darkness as the three men, as much as he tried to hide it behind a shyer facade. 
His eyes were trained on the tightness of how Y/N’s pussy was gripping Sam, her lips glossed over with come and spit wrapped around Steve’s dick. The girl stopped in her movements, her eyes no longer full of tears for just being gagged, but as soon as her mouth came to a halt around the base of his cock, the blond slapped her across the face. A sharp crack echoed around the room and though she couldn’t see him, she heard Bucky’s feral growl of pleasure at the whorish treatment she was receiving. 
“Didn’t say you could fucking stop, sweetheart, keep working on daddy’s cock.” No more words needed to be said as Steve gripped her hair once more, forcing himself farther back into her throat to the point where she couldn’t breathe. Sam’s thrusts were quickening, closer and closer to release as the sounds of the girl struggling to breath made his balls tighten. 
“Fucking shit, baby, you feel yourself squeezing my dick? I bet you like teasing daddy like that, don’t you?” One of his hands were brought down on her ass in a quick smack that resonated with Bucky, who was staving off his orgasm for something much sweeter than his hand. She was moaning raucously around the dick stuffed in her mouth, the vibrations sending jolts of pleasure up every nerve in Steve’s body as he came with the tip of his dick nearly being swallowed by Y/N’s throat. There was barely any time for her to fully down the thick come in her mouth before Sam was threatening to orgasm. “I’m gonna come so soon but you better fucking not, little girl, you hear me? Gotta let your daddy come before you, you ungrateful little bitch- oh.”
It was a really fucking close call, Sam’s dick pulling out of her with one quick movement before spilling pearly ropes of come onto Y/N’s spine. A high whine escaped her mouth, clit throbbing as she was so, so close to coming, and she was too far into her crazed pleasure to realize that she was letting three older men, men who fought to defend the universe from evil, use her as an over-glorified fleshlight. 
She couldn’t really blame them for calling her a cockdrunk whore. 
Bucky sauntered over to the bed, eyes trained on the pool of come centered around the base of her spine before flipping her over onto her back with his large hands and shoving three vibranium fingers back into her hole. She gasped and held onto his forearm as he continued to fingerfuck her to her second orgasm, eyes screwed shut in a delirious haze of contentment for being filled with at least something again. 
“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky, please-” Steve slapped her along the face, correcting her words immediately. “Daddy, daddy, please let me come.”
Bucky chuckled, tweaking one of her nipples with his flesh hand as he hovered over her face. “I don’t know, dolly, you’ve been a little naughty, callin’ me the wrong name, not listening to Stevie’s orders- don’t think you deserve to get what you want.”
A muffled whimper escaped her swollen lips, and he sighed in surrender. “Okay, dollface, go ahead and come on my fingers. Let me see how you wet ‘em up real good.”
Y/N’s hips bucked into his metal digits with finality, come leaking out of her cunt and soaking the sheets below her. Her sweat-glazed skin shone even against the darkening sky, and all Bucky could do was chuckle at how her chest rose quickly as she tried to catch her breath. He thought about teasing her clit again, just circling around the little bud of nerves to get a rise out of her, but he decided against it. Sam probably had better plans for her anyway. 
On the other hand, Y/N’s orgasm was starting to wear off as she noticed the hardened stare from the edge of the room. Her boyfriend.
“Peter, I…” Y/N made eye contact with him, suddenly noticing how mousy he looked in his own bedroom. 
“I nearly forgot you were here, Parker,” Sam smirked darkly. “Why don’t you come over here and fuck your little whore. I’m feeling a little generous today.”
Steve and Bucky nodded with the same infuriating smugness as Sam. The brunette boy opened his mouth to object to the degrading statement, but when he met his girlfriend’s eyes nothing needed to be said. There was no escaping this. Nothing he said mattered to the three older men, because really they had already gotten everything they wanted right in front of their disgusting, perverted eyes. 
He unbuckled his belt, letting the weight of it drop his khakis to the floor. Maybe if he’d known he would be forced into join a fivesome later that night he’d have picked any other boxers but the Ducktales one, but no one seemed to say a word about them, rather focusing on what they were failing to conceal. 
Peter’s cock had always been admirable to Y/N by its length and God, definitely its thickness. Curved upwards towards his abdomen with a vein running along the left side up to the bulbous head, it was definitely more than average. It was really just a shame he didn’t know how to use it well enough.
His shirt was pulled over his head just as quickly, and if Y/N knew any better she would say that he was excited to get to fuck her in front of the three men. He placed himself in between Y/N’s parted legs, standing in the same position as he had so many times before.
But when Y/N cried out in pain and pleasure as he slid into her, Peter knew that this time, it was different. This time three men, men that he used to trust with his life, stood on either side of him and his girlfriend and jerked their hands up and down their cocks as they watched her get fucked relentlessly. It wasn’t sweet, it wasn’t romantic, but he couldn’t really think when his thick cock was stuffed inside of her stimulated pussy, juices and come leaking out of her abused sex. 
“Go faster, Parker,” Steve instructed, his face contorted in pure pleasure. The pace of Peter’s thrusts sped up, and he threw Y/N’s ankles over his shoulders, hitting deeper inside of her, with the sound of her sobs only turning them all on more. “Oh, right there, shit, shit, shit-”
Steve came first, a low groan escaping his lips as streams of come landed on her tits, still bouncing with every movement of Peter’s hips. 
“Open up,” Sam gritted through his teeth, and Y/N obediently opened her mouth to let his bitter come coat the inside of her throat, some of it landing on her face and neck. The string of curses he let out made Peter thrust even faster into her, and he hated, absolutely despised the way it turned him on to see the three men use his girlfriend to their pleasure. But soon enough a hand pushed against his chest away from Y/N and he reluctantly pulled out.
“Move aside, kid,” Bucky instructed, “Wanna come inside of her.”
As he lined his gigantic cock up with her entrance, her eyes widened with fear. “No, please, I didn’t take my pills, I can’t- I won’t, please not inside-”
“Shut the fuck up, you slut.” Bucky’s fingers came to slap her clit harshly, and she cried out in pain. “You’re gonna be quiet and let me come wherever I damn want, right?”
He punctuated his last word as he thrust inside her, filling her up to the hilt with his girth. She was too drunk on the feeling of her cunt being filled up to argue again. It was painful, extremely so, even though two different cocks had been inside her overstimulated pussy already and Bucky stretched her out wide, his cock thicker with veins to hit every pleasure point. With her legs tossed around his tapered torso, he slid out until his very tip was left in her, then slammed back in with a small moan. The head of his cock relentlessly pounded into her cervix in a nearly soundless tempo and all Y/N could hear were her own gasps of pleasure, jaw-dropping moans that made drool slide back down her throat in her laid down position.
She turned her head to the side, and though her vision was bleary through the tears, she could see Sam and Steve watching Bucky fuck her while Peter, her boyfriend, her sweet, sweet boyfriend, was caught up fucking his hand to the sound of Bucky’s balls slapping against her ass. 
“Fuck, ‘m not gonna last much longer, dollface.” Bucky gasped. “You gonna come soon? You’re gonna come for daddy one more time. I think you’ve got a third one in you, you little fucking slut.”
“Shit, shit, daddy, please ‘m almost there,” Y/N wailed absentmindedly. A thumb came down to circle her clit quickly and she felt the coil in her stomach grow tighter and tighter, until she finally let out a high whine, finding her release as Bucky’s cock pulsed inside of her, ready to come just as easily as her. Her pussy clenched around his cock as she rode out her orgasm, fingers grasping at the sheets in order to find some sort of grounding. His come painted her walls white, and Bucky could’ve sworn there was no better feeling than feeling his blood warm in every vein as he finally let go. With stunted groans, his hips slowed its rhythm, lost in watching how his cock disappear into Y/N’s pussy, her slick juices coating his dick each time he pulled out. 
“Ah, fuck, dolly, you did so good for me. Pussy tight as a fuckin’ vice.” Bucky hugged her limp body close to his sweaty chest, letting his dick soften inside of her for a good few moments before pulling out. He tossed Y/N back onto the bed below him, barely even caring to clean the come dripping down her ribcage and out of her cunt before grabbing his boxers from the cabinet next to the bed. 
Steve was already buttoning his jeans up, checking the notifications on his phone before shoving it back into his pocket. The blond seemed to have better things to do so soon after, rushing his way to the door before pausing where Y/N laid to watch come drip out of her pussy. One more time he pushed Bucky’s come inside of her abused entrance, watching as it oozed out from behind his digits. “Look at you, fucking full of of his come. Such a goddamn whore,” he muttered under his breath.
Those were the last words he said to her before patting Bucky on the shoulder and leading him out of the opened door. 
Maybe Sam was a bit more kind, or affectionate at least. He was already dressed but visibly hard again beneath the thick denim of his pants, and he made sure Y/N knew it, taking her left hand and placing it over his dick. “You still got that effect on me, honey, even when you’re all fucked out like this.” He dragged his fingers through the thick ribbons of come that coated her chest, bringing them up to her mouth so she could taste. Even though she was more than exhausted, she wrapped her tongue around the two fingers that were pushed past her swollen lips, sucking them clean with a tired vengeance. Satisfied with her work, he kissed her chin one more time before leaving without so much as another word, slamming the door shut on his way out.
Click.
It ended exactly the way it started, the lock jostling into the doorknob just as easily as the high of Y/N’s final orgasm slipped away.
Stifling silence suffocated the room around them. Peter refused to meet her eyes, just as much as hers did his. She laid motionless on the bed with him standing at the foot, his dick soft and if she narrowed her bleary eyes just a bit, she could see how his knees were shaking. Neither of them were able to say anything, losing the ability to converse as soon as the three men left the room.
“Peter,” her voice was throaty after the rough fucking she took, “C-can you please get me a drink?”
The brown-haired boy looked down to meet her face, and she could finally see the reason that he had hid it from her. His eyes were red and bloodshot, snot running from his nose with tears running down his cheeks. She’d been so caught up in the after haze of the sex that she didn’t even notice how his bare chest was heaving so deeply, nearing hyperventalation. 
But still, he grabbed his boxers, pulling them over his weakened legs clumsily. “Y-yeah, what kind do you want, Mr. Stark has a ton-”
“I don’t care.” She cut him off firmly, a sharp tone in her voice as she rolled over on her side. Y/N tucked her knees to her chin, fingers running over the side of her neck which was marked with bruises and scratches. “I don’t fucking care.”
Without another word Peter slipped out of the room quietly, knowing better than to try to talk to her about what they had been forced to participate in. It wasn’t as if there was much to say anyways.
Rain pattered against the window. It was only six o’clock in the evening. Cars honked and beeped and Natasha’s Igor Stavinsky record played for its fiftieth round of the day, and to anyone else in the tower it was a normal night. Normal, just like the ones spent sitting on the couch with Bucky’s hand creeping up her leg or Sam’s hands groping her ass, but this time they’d made a move. 
The silence was far too much to handle, the unspoken truth of what she’d done with Bucky, Steve, Sam, and Peter finally hitting her, knocking the air out of her lungs as she suddenly struggled to breathe. Gripping her face, clawing at it like a goddamn wolf, Y/N began to cry. Silently at first, gradually growing into heartbroken sobs, she let her trodden pride carry her voice wherever it wanted to go. 
The men’s whispered words haunted her mere moments after they’d left the room, but most audibly she could hear a faint husk of a voice, Sam’s low moan in her ear looming in the dreadful silence of the room:
Thanks for sharing with us, baby.
2K notes · View notes
doxiedreg · 2 years ago
Text
Tumblr media
Me: Okay brain, let's work on this new ref for rechor and not start working on something random again to avoid it like last time Brain: Okay but what if instead of working on this ref I am going to draw/work on a bunch of other refs :)c Me: don't you da- My brain:
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Me: ... I swear to god wasn't that like much more work than finishing this one ref for rechor? My brain: But character (re)design brainworms too strong. Need to do lots of things at the same time ANyway so yeah. Have a fun sneakpeak of wips my tumblr friends and followers. From top to bottom we have: Rechor ref 3.0 because his current one is from 2020 and I hate it, it's such a cluttered mess. Moonshine gang that I started around 7 pm and finished at 12 am because brain crazy. I need more gangs for Auro city so I can actually like depict and explore thorn's relationships with the gangs he rules over. This gang is on pretty good terms with thorn. The only other gang i have right now is the hydra gang who acts like they are trustworthy and on very good terms with thorn but in reality the hydra patriarch hates thorn and is secretly conspiring against him. Oh and there is the biker gang who are anarchists and kill the rich and such but they don't really interact with thorn in his crime boss persona because they don't really do big scheme crimes. Mostly petty crimes, vandalism and causing general trouble and being contrarian. So yeah, need to make more gangs and probably design more characters. (moonshine gang is all characters i have adopted in the past except for dolf who is an old adopt i made but decided to keep) Next we have vampire demon lord thorn AU. There is this comic I follow on instagram called beltoria and it really inspired me to make a vampire au version of thorn. This thorn is very much not dad shaped and much more hostile and bitter than canon thorn. it's almost 1 am so i cant really articulate how more messed up he is but yeah there is a lot of angst in this au.
Next there is Rechor's basilisk form! (with bonus ollie who belongs to @blaigoo for shits and giggles because they are friends and blaigoo mentioned ollie would want to ride rechor's basilisk form if she were to see it lmao) this one im not too mad about my brain for working on it as it's the second part of rechor's ref. Rechor's snake form is about the size of a titanoboa so yeah, big cobra boy. He doesn't use this form super often though, he prefers having arms and legs. And finally we have a ref of grin! He has gone through a lot of changes personality wise since his first conception back on colors!3D. When I first made him he was an edgy demon dragon that was insane and highly aggressive and laughed maniacally and all that crap. But now he is just an innocent lil guy who happens to have gone through a lot of trauma and only killed people in the past when escaping his prison and defending his later adoptive brother from suffering the same fate as him. He still has traumatic episodes but more often than not he is more of a danger to himself than to others when in this state. It takes specific triggers (medical environments, seeing and/or smelling scientists/doctors, labratories, needles, feeling like he is in danger of dying or suffering immense pain) to make him go into a demon frenzy aka murder mode but soon after being removed from the triggering environment and being given a calm and safe place to cool down he will return to normal all be it very tired and upset. Grin does not enjoy hurting or killing people, he much rather would draw crayon drawings of his friends and family or having stories read to him or playing with plush and squeaky toys. Because he was kidnapped as a small child and placed in isolation before getting horrible experiments done on him, he is mentally still a small kid, even if he is a young adult physically. His adoptive brother thorn and beck treat him with a lot of love and patience and care, making sure he is comfortable and feels safe and happy.
2 notes · View notes
quirklessidiot · 4 years ago
Text
Tumblr media
Title: coward :: coming clean Pairing: Y/N x Miya Atsumu Genre: angst, romance, and very slow burn [ex to lovers au] Warnings: Cursing, alchohol, mentions of unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, and mentions of abortion
Synopsis: You try to push him away from you but he isn’t taking any of it, the much long-awaited confrontation is there but you’re still finding a way out.
notes:
have yall seen the new season?? mY FUCKING HEART MAN NSNDNND it got me so stoked i literally wrote something about kita after that trailer skdjjdm kita is so underrated. I love him.
also, a huge thank you for the 200+ followers. Ma’am i literally only had this tumbler a month ago and im already celebrating a lot of milestones, hence i present you a more angsty chapter! I hope you’ll love it <3
previous  next   masterlist    
Tumblr media
“You’re on gossip sites.” 
“Tsum-tsum, why are you so close to L/N-san? I thought you hated her.”
“Riku-chan’s calling me-”
“Everyone shut up.” The setter throws the ball on the ground, “It’s not what it fucking looked like.”
“Can we talk, ‘tsumu?” Osamu’s voice resonates the most and Miya Atsumu knows where this is going already by the sound of it.  He was surprised to see his brother come by today but when he sees why, he takes it back.
No wonder.
He follows him to the quieter side of the gym, he notices the tense air between them and he knows what's about to follow. He hopes that Osamu does this quickly, he has to practice well since he needs to impress those brats when the game comes up and try to let them have their eyes on him and not on Tobio and Shoyo.
“What the hell are you thinking?” His brother growls, “You have a fucking girlfriend. Y/N has kids and is very much in love with the dead guy who isn’t yo-”
“Why the fuck are you all getting up my ass when its about Y/N?” he suddenly cuts his brother off, eyes narrowed and jaw clenched, “It's been that way since you met her eight years ago. Just tell me that you didn’t like her from the start. You didn’t like her because she was different.”
“I didn’t like her because she wasn’t good for you.” the grey-haired twin barked back in reply, “In case ya don’t remember, You were a fucking mess after she left, Atsumu. You were almost not able to make it into the jackals because of what she did!”
Osamu wasn’t calling him by his nickname anymore, it seemed that the weight of the situation was too serious for him.
“Well, I’m here now aren’t I?”
“And you’re getting involved with her again. Can’t you give it a fucking rest already?” 
“No.”
“Miya Atsumu.” He glowered, grabbing his brother by the collar of his jersey, “Don’t throw a good woman and your career away for someone like her.”
“I’m not throwing shit, ‘samu.” He hissed, slapping his hand away but before he could walk out, the younger twin grabs him and yanks him back, swinging a fist right at his face. The team members of the black jackals are immediately thrown into panic and chaos with what’s happening. Hinata and Bokuto grabs onto Osamu restraining him from damaging the setter even more while Shion and Meian hold back the blonde setter from throwing a punch, “Stop acting like a fuckin’ brat, ‘tsumu.” The twin yelled while Atsumu flipped him off with a middle finger, clearly showing no signs of restraint. 
Sakusa remains far from them and snorts underneath his breath, completely indifferent,  “Fuckin’ idiots.”
The twins end up at the infirmary right after, Atsumu lets out a heavy sigh as he recalls the feeling of his brothers fist. They’ve never fought this bad since high school and Osamu was never one to be triggered easily.
This just showed how grave the situation was.
A curtain separates them both as they lay on their separate beds, “You’re stupid, ‘tsumu.” Osamu calls out his twin as he lays on the bed of the infirmary, a patch on his forehead and a bandaged hand. Atsumu, on the other hand, has a busted lip and swollen cheek.
“I’m not fucking five, ‘samu and whatever you saw in that picture wasn’t what it looked like.”
“But you still love her very much.” 
Silence ensued between the pair and Osamu breaks it off with a long sigh, “Ya gonna be some scrub that chases after her again or something? Break off with your girlfriend right now who looks and acts better than her-”
“Stop.” Atsumu cuts his brother off, sitting up to open the curtain to face him head on, “so, so what if I still like her? So what if I want to break off with Riku and be with her and try to take that bastards place?”
“Yer outta your mind.”
“It’s my fuckin’ life.”
“It is but I’m not watching you throw yourself away for that woman.” Osamu paused, “Just what the fuck do you see in her? She feels nothing for ya, even when you dated-”
“Now that’s a fucking lie.” Atsumu defended you, eyes glowering right at his twin, “You didn’t see how Y/N would take care of me whenever we were alone. You don’t see how selfless she was most of the time and how she doesn’t expect me to be some character that everyone expects, shit,  you don’t even see how she’d patiently sit down and just listen me babble off about how bad my day was when I didn’t even know she was from a fucking bad family with a bad life back then!”
Atsumu is panting from that long explanation and he’s shaking because why couldn’t they see it? Why couldn’t they see how much you tried back then? How relationships were so out of your comfort zone but you force yourself to try it because he asked you too. He feels sick, he feels sick that they couldn’t see. That they could only see the tip of the iceberg.
“Yet she doesn’t feel the same for you.” Osamu points out,  “Not anymore. So stop clinging onto her with those past memories of yours and move on, ‘tsumu. Fuckin’ suck it up, life isn’t fair.”
“Nope, don’t wanna.”
“ ‘tsumu-”
“I-I’m breaking up with Riku. I want Y/N back in my life, I want her. I-I’ve never wanted anything so badly since volleyball, ‘samu. If I have to wait again, shit, I-I don’t fucking mind.”
Osamu sees the glint of conviction in his eyes and lets out another hefty sigh, god, he feels like he’s aging faster because of his twin, “I know you won’t listen to me.” he settled, he knew that if Atsumu wanted something, he wouldn’t stop until he got it, “Just know that I fucking told you so.”
Tumblr media
You’re wary.
After that little stint your mother had pulled, she kept calling you and bothering you. It also didn’t help that you ended up on tabloids because someone had caught wind of that little moment you and Atsumu had. If it weren’t for your kids' over-excitement on Atsumu’s promise, you wouldn’t be here, “...Y/N-san? Are you alright?” Sugawara asks, tilting his head in curiosity as you enter the arena.
Some people seemed to have recognized you and the kids that you had to hold onto them tightly in case anyone did try to approach you.
“I’m good.” 
“Kaasan, kaasan, I saw a super big picture of Hinata-san!” Youta called out, pointing at a rather big banner of the orange-haired blocker.
“I think I saw Kageyama-san buying milk, can I follow him, kaasan?” Yuuto adds, blinking innocently as he looked at one of the stalls.
Sugawara is absolutely in awe by your calmness in this situation, he knows that you’re probably feeling far from alright after all those gossip articles came out. Atsumu, of course, tries to lessen your burden by letting out a public statement that you were his good friend back in college but it didn’t really help since someone tweeted a picture of the both of you back in college with the caption that you were exes.
“Could you do me a favor, Sugawara-san?” you turn to the man, “Do you mind switching seats with me? Stay with the boys in front while I just stay at your seat?”
“Sure but wouldn’t Atsumu be-”
“Please.” You frowned, giving your ticket to him, “I’ll take the kids right after the match.”
The boys looked at you in complete wonderment when you didn’t follow them to the front row. You maintained a good distance as the game started, the players being introduced on the big screen. Your eyes narrow when Atsumu gets out of the dugout and gazes at your kids in confusion then around the crowd as if he was looking for someone.
“Don’t be silly.What feelings would there be but hatred?”
“It’s anything but that, L/N-san.” 
You felt your fists clench as soon as the game started, you wanted to direct your focus to the game but Inunaki’s words kept bothering you and pestering you throughout the whole thing. Why did Atsumu like doing this to himself? Was this some sort of premonition? Were you going to have to tell him?
What if it ended up like your parents?
Would your kids end up like you?
Cold, untrusting, and anxious?
Would you end up like your mother?
A borderline alcoholic, desperate for a man’s love?
Would Atsumu wake up and realize one day that this was all a mistake and call you one too? Blaming you for every single bad thing in his life?
You held your doll tightly on your hands as you held your breath behind the pillar, you had just come home from Daiki’s house as you heard the loud voices of your parents arguing again. For the past years, it seemed to have worsened and you spent more time around your friend’s house rather than this cold and big empty place you called home.
“...are you doing? It's the middle of the day! Stop drinking!” you hear your father bellow.
“What’s it to you? Shouldn’t you be around with that young woman? That whore you proudly call your business associate?” 
You flinch as you hear those harsh words and the sound of a bottle breaking, it seemed like the argument was particularly bad today. You shakily make your way up to your room, wanting to avoid this ordeal and skip dinner but fate wasn’t on your side today. 
Despite your light footsteps, they seem to have noticed your presence.
Your father’s eyes soften just a bit while your mother’s remain cold. As much as possible, you grew up wanting to avoid those scary and expressionless eyes. At the young age of five, you feared your mother and loathed your father at the same time but that didn’t stop the fleeting feeling of wanting them to change. Wanting to feel the warmth and youth that every child craved for.
You suck in a deep breath, “I-I’m home, okaasan, otosan.”
“You’re always out these days, Y/N.” her voice is cold, far from the warmth that a mother should have.
“I-I was out with Daiki.”
“With that boy again?” a frown immediately paints her features, a small tsk under her breath to signal how disappointed she was of you yet again, “Aren’t you supposed to be studying? You said you wanted to skip a grade this year.”
“I-I am.” you replied, “B-but Daiki-”
“All you need to do is study and get good grades, Y/N.” she cuts you off, walking close to you, the smell of alcohol growing stronger, “Is that something too hard to do? Are you being ungrateful now?”
You turn to your father for help but he remains unmoved, was he really going to watch your mother do this to you? You hold onto your doll tightly, trying to control yourself. You shouldn’t cry, especially not in front of them. 
“N-No, okaasan…”
“Then why are you crying, Y/N?”
Your eyes widen as you feel the wet substance flowing down. No, no-
“Answer me.” she repeats, you feel the tears flowing down faster, “Why are you crying, Y/N? Are you feeling ungrateful? Is that how it is-”
“(M/N) That’s enough!” Your father finally says but your mother continues to ignore your father.
“Don’t you think we should tell her that she shouldn’t feel sad?” she expressed, telling your father as if you weren’t standing there, “After all, we didn’t have her aborted, she should be grateful we let her live well with three meals a day and expensive clothes and belongings. Even if she was a mistake.”
You're shaking so hard at the moment, you didn’t like where this was going at all. Your father can’t respond to your mother’s blank tone, did he agree too? Were you, were you really just a mistake? Countless questions flooded your head as she walked close to you, her cold presence looming over you even more so today. With the same blank and expressionless tone, she says, "if you probably hadn't been born, we would've been happier. We'd have better lives, Y/N. So don't go around and cry and think you got it bad, you hear me? Your sadness is nothing compared to ours. It's nothing, Y/N. So stop being ungrateful."
You watch as the game comes to an end. You had zone out for the most part, the fleeting memory of your past and your anxiety bubbling up couldn’t keep you still. You texted Sugawara that you’d meet him and the boys at the front.
You were about to leave your seat when you saw the blonde approach the kids after the game, ruffling their hairs and pinching their cheeks with a huge smile. Why couldn’t you be as open as Atsumu? Why couldn’t you express yourself well? 
You shut your eyes tight and turn to the exit, right, you were a coward. You didn’t face things like this head-on, you ran from them because in all your life, the only thing you knew was fear from people you expected love from.
“Y/N…” 
You turn to find Atsumu standing there, still in his jersey and a towel hung on his shoulder like he had just ran out to chase you. Where was Sugawara and the kids? Why weren’t they here yet? What is he even doing here? You grab his wrist and immediately pull him towards a private area.
“Are you out of your mind? What are you doing? You have a girlfrie-”
“We broke up.” he cuts you off.
“W-what?” 
“We broke up.” He repeats, “I couldn’t stay with her anymore, Y/N.”
You clenched your fists, what was he even thinking? Wouldn’t the rumors worsen if he broke up with her now?
“I-I can’t let you go again.” Atsumu confessed, throwing all his pride out the window again for you because damn it all, you are worth it,  “I can’t keep pretending that I’ve moved on when I’m clearly hung up on you.”
“What are you doing?” You spat, anger slowly creeping in, all the pent up emotion towards him being released, “Why would you do that?”
Atsumu notices the change of emotion, you’re getting angry. It’s a complete contrast to what he was expecting, he’d expect the calm and cool exterior, even expected you to cooly reject him like the past but this, this was new, “Why can’t I?”
“Are you out of your mind?” You exclaimed, “I left you! I have kids from another man-”
“So?” He asks, walking closer to you. The familiar smell of perfume and sweat invaded your senses, something you were accustomed to when you were dating him back then. He traps you between the wall and him. You can see the busted lip, what happened to him? Did he got into a fight? You feel like your mind was turning blank by the sudden events. You want to say something, anything but he’s rendering you speechless again, “What if I tell you I don’t care? What if I tell you that I still feel the same even after all this time?”
“Y-You're insane...I-I’m in love with someone else-” you tried to lie but you remember this is Miya Atsumu, he doesn’t give two shits and was willing to work as hard as he could to get what he wanted.
“Y/N, your kids told me that the bastard left. Why didn’t you tell me?” he cuts you off, this time, his voice seemed disappointed and angry yet you didn't know if it was towards you.
“W-what would you have done then?”
“If you’d come back to me then,” he paused, voice turning soft, “I would’ve helped you. I would’ve been there to stand in as a father if you even needed one.”
You’re trembling at his confession, were those words really from the heart? 
“Y/N, I don’t know what happened between you and that guy.” he laughs, he didn’t expect it to be like this, that even after six years he’d still be pinning over the same woman who repeatedly broke his heart, “I don’t know what happened between you and your fucked-up family. All I do know is that I’m still in love with you and I’m willing to wait here until you’re ready. I won’t ever leave, Y/N. I-I don’t think I ever will.”
“You’re crazy.” You shakily point out, you’re in a fit of rage. You’re angry at him, you’re angry that he still lowers himself to you when he could do so much better, you’re angry that he still feels the same after all the shit you put him through, most of all, you’re angry at yourself because you couldn’t own up and tell him about everything.
Atsumu slowly holds up his hands, wanting to cup your cheeks but it is immediately swatted away. He notices that you’re trembling now, your facade, slowly crumbling.
“What made you think that I’d come back to you?” Your voice was trying to maintain it’s cold and emptiness tone yet your eyes showed the complete opposite, “Please be selfish for once, Miya-san. Just because you give your all to me, does not mean I’ll return it. I hope I really don’t see you again.”
taglist [taglists are sadly closed now, thanks guys <3]
@fortheloveofiwaizumi ;  @svtbitch  ; @kiyoomile ; @lovedanii ; @juno-multifandom ; @gyubit17 ; @saeranoppa ; @nixxona ; @kyomihann @shorttstackk ; @intoomuchfandoms ; @yammmers ; @mx-minxx @itsmattsunshinehere ; @missingmystogan ; @volleybloop ; @imcravingyou ; @yams-wants-that-booty ; @liathachcapricious ; @pinknugget @seikamuzu ; @marigoldthoughts ; @sillykittt ; @baejinoffcl ; @alluring-akaashi ; @bnhasstuff  ; @intheawks ; @bokuakadaily ; @agaassi ; @yams046  ; @dope-squish ; @chrisrue15 ; @vermillionwaves ; @demursv1ogs ; @just-snog-already ; @angmarwitch ; @angmarwitch ; @simpingonothers ; @woo-youngs ; @cowward​ ; @chaelysian ; @sempiternal-amour ; @jungshookmeup ; @jovialnoise ; @karlitabi-rrito ; @iwaizluv ; @sugarandsoft​ ; @tspice283​ ; @ohshirabu​
@misosamu  @Etherynaw  @ryaaaax @differentballooncollection @keniloveshaikyuu @allysasteaparty   @syzygymai [hi, i can’t seem to tag u guys, i think you need to open your tags uwu]
485 notes · View notes
ziracona · 4 years ago
Note
so can u tell us a little about ur characterization of Lisa?? What's she like inside and outside of trials? Does she have a lot of lucidity, what were her relationships with others like, would she ever get better, do you think? ( im SAD.) Just. What's she like!! Also, same for Sally? Oh! And I'm rly enjoying two songs by Meg Myers which maybe you'll like? Running up that hill (Cover) and Desire. Maybe check em out? :3 - Sleepy
Sure!
My Lisa is from a bit before the archives for her placed her (early 1970s), because I wrote ILM back when there was no date given for many killers or survivors, so I just hoped they were historically accurate with the things they did mention & went through a fairly exhaustive list of drained swamps in the Southern US & paddleboat makes & placed her according to that data (it’s been a bit so I don’t remember the exact date without looking up my notes) in the 1920s-1930s, I believe? And in her early 20s, since she’s described as a girl & young woman, which DbD usually does only for characters in their early 20s. (Which I’d still assume is her age, bc even though her archives, if you go by them, have her in her teens, they’re not connected to the events of her disappearance/definitely happened before them.)
In trials, Lisa has like 0 lucidity. I talk about this some in chapter notes, so I’ll try to give a quick overview instead but sry if I restart myself. She’s so starved that any time she sees a living being, she is just completely overcome with hunger and can’t do anything but operate on it. Very scary. Feral. Like being attacked by a starving animal. She’s super out of it, and is completely wild and violent and has no control, only the need to eat. Outside of trials, if no one is around, she’s lucid again, but will remember trials and what she did to people, and spends that time in horror and despair. She’s tried to kill herself before, because the last thing she ever wanted was to become the thing she swore vengeance on (the Entity’s a real cruel motherfucker. Did the same to Rin, to Philip, to everyone it could. Likes to really twist decent people into what they would most despair to be), but in the realm, she’s stuck as it. She’s not really aware for trials, but remembers them with decent clarity, and is in constant agony over what she’s done. Unfortunately, suicide does not take in the realm, and every one of her attempts failed, just like her attempts to maim or tie herself up so she wouldn’t be able to hurt people did. She’s horribly alone and despairing, and also in physical agony. She’s at the worst end of what a human can be at as far as emaciation and starvation while still being alive goes, and that’s physically awful. It fucks up your brain chemistry too, and everything is just really fucking miserable all the time. It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe, your breath smells tastes like rotten fruit but in a way that’s so much worth than that can sound. She’s so hungry, her addons are things like dragonfly wings consumed to give her extra stamina. That’s the kind of bare sliver of relief she ever gets. God, poor Lisa’s life is hell. She’s completely heartbroken and isolated and almost dead. As far as relationships go, she didn’t have any for a long time. No one can really interact with her, because she goes feral at the sight of food. She’s kinda utterly alone. But briefly, when Alex, Philip, Vigo, Benedict, and Sally were a group, she kind of got stumbled into, and after a kind of nasty first encounter, was able to regain lucidity around other people, and had a truly sweet and memorable and invaluable bit of time with love and friends and other people. She was kind of in love with Sally, who did her hair for her and was really kind to her, and Sally liked her too. They were close. Lisa was close with all of them. But when things ended the way they did, the Entity took that away. Lisa remembers it, but she could never get them or it back, and was cast aside and left behind until the end of ILM, when she finally got peace and found happiness in finally getting to be at rest in the arms of a friend. Overal, she’s a fairly young and wide-eyed, bright, cautious, fun and sweet girl by nature, now massively traumatized and hopeless and broken, but still with a truly incredible amount of that kind nature retained. She would have really loved reading fantasy novels aloud and exploring the worlds of lore and history, travelling, seeing other cultures and geographic features and animals. Enjoys fashion too, and has a heart for designing and making cool, personal and cultural and symbolic tied designs, and would have been both great at that and loved it if she’d lived long enough. (Shoutout to @artianaiolanthe who inspired the fashion take & it is so suited to her I love it). A little shy, but an extrovert at heart under it, just a nervous one. Loved people. Liked climbing trees and fording brooks and baking bread and throwing rocks and baseballs to knock a target out of a tree and win a prize at little town fairs. Didn’t get the length or quality of life she was owed, and it’s just not fair or okay at all. Liked to watch the stars.
As far as getting better goes, mentally, totally. If they could get her out of the realm or break the Entity’s connection, she’d immediately stop killing. She has never done it of her own free will. She’s a sweet small town kid who was just trying to live her life. As far as physically goes though, Lisa is in one of the worst possible spots. Unlike say Amanda, who was on death’s door but healed by the Entity, or the Legion, who weren’t injured at all, Lisa was on death’s door and like Adiris, did not get healed. Just preserved in that near-death state and forced to work in it. Honestly, it’s possible she could survive long enough to get to a hospital and be saved, but at best, she’d probably live another year. When you starve, your body begins to catabolize/eat your own tissue to save itself, starting with fat, and ending with muscles and organs, which, when it reaches the heart, kills you. Lisa was so close to dead, the organ damage was probably awful, and would leave her with complications that would take her very young. The most likely thing, since she was saved literally seconds before death, would be for her to step outside the realm and immediately die. However, it’s possible she got lucky on body damage and could be saved—kinda up to interpretation—and if say, she was around for Quentin’s Vigil going healing batshit, and got some organs repaired that way, she’d have a real shot. (I also am sad. Lisa was actually the only determinate character in ILM to me/that I wasn’t sure the ending for, and while I am very happy with what ended up being her closure, I also would like to see her live for even more love and peace TuT. Lol, if I ever end up doing my goddamn four fate route fics like I’ve joked now a truly dangerous number of times about doing [>.> me @ me] then maybe she will get a variety of lives in the end). I’m glad you wanted to know! I really like and pity her. This poor kid really did nothing wrong, much like Rin, and just got eternally tortured for asking for help and justice against the monsters who took her life so violently. Fuck Brittany. (Read: the Entity.)
Ahhhh Sally. My sweet, sweet girl. Uhhh, not sure which of the Lisa questions you meant for her too, so I’ll try to speed-answer them all? Sally’s intelligent and understanding and thoughtful, patient, polite, almost elegant despite how impoverished she spent most of her life—she just tries to act like a lady and treat people with as much respect and esteem as she can (unless they suck lol). She’s also very mentally damaged and not there though, and has extremely unstable mood swings, especially into despair. Her relationships with the other killers were limited. She talked to & was on polite terms with any who would talk to her and not be condescending or a dick so openly she’d pick up on it (so like, on cordial terms with Evan, Herman, Caleb if she’d been there that long, but not like, Kenneth or Freddy or someone who wouldn’t bother to put up an act). But mostly, after figuring out she wasn’t really of any use to them, they quit communicating with her. Sally has been extremely isolated since shortly after being taken. She believes that the survivors are innocent and suffering and knows that they don’t deserve the hunt, but has no way to stop the whole system, and has been convinced by the Entity that if she does a good job and earns moris, the ones she strangles to death get to stay dead instead of coming back after death to suffer endlessly again, so she works very dedicatedly and slowly trying to earn kills to save them. It took her physical eyes when it got her and lets her see through it’s powers, and uses that to randomize what survivors look like in her memory so she doesn’t catch wise it’s the same people over and over and she’s not saving them at all. It’s extremely tragic. God it’s one of the most cruel Entity tricks, which is saying a lot. Poor gentle woman is Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill day after day year after year and she doesn’t even know how hopeless and meaningless it all is. : (
When the Vigo-Philip-Alex-Benedict team was going, though, she met and attacked, then was convinced to instead befriend them, and quickly became very attached and well liked by them. Met Lisa while with the group, and became extremely fond of her and loving towards her and was truly, truly happy for a brief period of time. Still remembers her, even as lost as all her memories are. Not her name, but what she looked like to Sally, and how her hair felt, and how nice it was. Sally would have considered everyone in that group a dear friend, and in ILM, Philip most definitely becomes her deepest, closest, and best friend, just like she does to him. She’s a very faithful woman to her soul. Loved her family, loved her husband and mourned him, worked as hard as she could. Cared for her patients, and did her best in that hell until the Entity slowly whittled away at her sanity until it broke her mind and left her convinced the only way to end their pain would be to give them death, and she had to do it to save them. Sally loves little pretty things and neatness and collections. Flowers, bows and ribbons, china and colored glass. She would have treasured gifts like decorative holiday cards and carved animal figures and left them on her mantle or carefully tucked in lovingly organized and decorated books she could open to revisit the memory. Likes dresses and skirts and the way the wind feels. Hopeful and very enduring. Loving. Had a mom heart, and will never really get entirely over the loss of her children, but is strong and kind and will find new love that makes life still worth living in other people. Will remember both kindness and cruelty a long, long time. Loved Quentin from the second he gave her flowers (Dwight: Quentin, why did the entity let you have three moms? Quentin: Because I fucking earned it >:[“ [author’s note: he did. God that poor kid...]). Loved Kate from the day she sat with her in a hospital and held her hand. Is like that. Remembers small kindness and treasures them.
Sally could definitely recover. Not all the way probably, physically or mentally, but by far enough to be complete and happy and realized and who she wants. She never meant to hurt people, so she really just needs some stability, and I think she finds that with her new family. I mean, it is a lot to adjust to. It’s been like nearly 100 years. The Entiry broke her mind, and she’s got some damage that just probably can’t ever be fixed, but a lot can be, with drugs and treatments and therapy and kindness and a good support system, and honestly, the biggest things she needs are people to keep her memories together and herself present, and influences to protect her from being manipulated and controlled now that she’s so suggestible and easy to hurt, and she’s got that. I am 100% certain that while some things—the scatteredness, the ease of slipping into other moods especially deep sadness, the different way of thinking altogether—never leave her, she gets better in the most important ways and is truly happy and quite functional and what she wants to be. While there’s no way (yet anyway lol. Cybernetics that good when?) to give her new eyes since the Entity ripped hers out, and she’s blind now, and can’t be changed, her seeing eye dog does a great job for her, and she’s very happy and adjusts well. She has a lot of friends to be her eyes, and learns to lean into what she can do and has a quite fulfilling and blissful life outside the realm in ILM.
Also: thanks for the recs! I’m going on a run soon, and I’ll add those to my iPod and give ‘em a listen if I can. Hope this answered what you wanted to know! ^u^
15 notes · View notes
gayregis · 4 years ago
Note
Hi good morning can we talk about twn ciri for a sec? There is something about the way she’s portrayed by the actress that just drives me CRAZY and I don’t know quite how to put my finger on it. I think she’s just so reserved and serious and haughty, whereas in the books she’s really playful and lively and exaggerated and just?? Has emotions?? And also I was spoiled by Peter Kenny’s fantastic accent for ciri and can’t think of her any other way. ANYWAY WHAT R UR THOUGHTS CUZ IM SURE THEY’RE GOOD
ohohoh yes. just as a prefacee and for context, freya allan (ciri’s actress) is 18 years old, and i am 19 years old, so to say i didn’t like her acting in twn isn’t me bullying or being harsh on a minor. in addition, i also don’t think her acting was bad. i think her acting was great, but it was just out of character for ciri, at least the ciri we know from the books... i do not think the directors treated ciri with enough weight as she needed to have in the narrative. like with yennefer, they gave her way more screen time and much less significance in the overall story, because the moments that they gave them to be on screen were just pure filler with no effect on the character development, relationship development, setting, themes... the audience never learned anything useful when they were on screen, besides lore about aretuza and cintra that would immediately escape their minds after the episode was done.
i know for a fact that this “out of character” acting for ciri (her being “so reserved and serious and haughty”) was a result of the directors and people running the show, and NOT freya herself as an actress. like with joey batey and anya chalotra i think, they got the short stick in this deal. they’re actors, so their profession is to act, but they don’t always get to decide HOW they’re supposed to act and portray these beloved characters. that’s what the director is for, right? to direct how scenes play out, to make sure the characters are in-character. and the writers are the ones that write the actors’ lines and the scenes they exist in, so “then it’s just like any other place,” or “who’s yennefer,” and other ridiculous garbage throwaway lines were the writers’ fault and not the actors. i just think it’s important to establish that even though yes, freya is an older teenager/young adult, she’s not responsible for a lot of decisions involving ciri and the character. plus since she is 18 and just got done being 17, i feel like this is the first time she’s actually been able to legally make her own decisions. 
plus in this topic, because i’ve never mentioned it anywhere before, i’d like to bring light to how it’s super shady of netflix to decide to hire an actress for ciri who is BARELY an adult actor, because child actors (as opposed to adult ones) are restricted by many different laws concerning how many hours they can work, etc. the fact that freya is 18 means that they can give her more work and disregard any regulations that may have applied to a child actor, and i think i literally read this from lauren hissrich in an interview, that “older actors are easier to work with than child actors” or something like this, that it’s difficult to shoot with child actors due to the immense restrictions. so although they phrased the casting choice for freya allan more in the sense of “well, we were GOING to cast someone younger, but freya was just so fantastic in auditions that we NEEDED her in this production” is suspicious to me, i think they did it so they wouldn’t have to deal with the headache of laws surrounding child actors (note that i do NOT doubt that freya is a great actress, i liked her acting, i mean look at the scenes she is in! she is actually acting, unlike henry cavill).
speaking of henry cavill, anyone want to mention his 19 year old girlfriend or his “opinions” on the #MeToo movement? no? my more conspiratorial theory is that they might have just wanted to get a barely legal actress for ciri because if cavill were to “do anything”... ahem... it would be less complicated for all of the legality than if he “did anything” to a child. i’m not calling cavill a r*pist but he has made his views on women explicitly clear, and a LOT falls under the umbrella of sexual assault and harassment. innappropriate comments, etc... i don’t trust him to respect women just as much as i don’t trust him to act.
that was a big preface that pretty much went nowhere, apologies... but i think it’s significant to look at the context around the actor or actress when they’re likely being a tad exploited on set. but yes, ciri does come off as super out of character to me in the majority of scenes she is in. it’s because her character was set up to be a white feminist fantasy of being declared innocent from the sins of her family because she feels bad about it, with her “being so privileged and then she finds out her grandmamma committed mass genocide and she has to realize that her royal ways!” instead of anything related to what we see in the books, of a vulnerable child losing that childhood and trying to cling to some sense of normalcy and family. they set her up as “a princess” and not “a child.” 
in the books, she’s just a child, and then geralt learns she’s a princess and teases her that she doesn’t look much like one, being lost in a forest with a snotty nose... she’s not introduced in a royal court surrounded by noble guests. i doubt that books ciri spent all of her time in court, either... according to the lore, she wouldn’t even be able to sit down and she would have to stand in calanthe’s presence (season of storms, the princes must stand in the royal court alongside their father while coral gets to sit because she is a sorceress... of course, this is cidaris and not cintra, but it still stands). she is a princess, but she has difficulty acting like one... it’s something i’d rather erase from my mind because it’s one of those “problematic points of canon that only exist because they live in a medieval society,” but it’s made clear that calanthe gave ciri the belt for misbehaving, multiple times. ciri is obviously interested in more childlike pursuits and acts outside of her station a lot. after all, she is the reason that their entourage got pulled into brokilon in the sword of destiny, because ciri fucking ran away since she didn’t want to be brought to and married off to prince kirsten of verden.
again on ciri’s age, she was 8 or 9 when we first meet her in the books, and 14 when we meet her in the netflix series. that’s a vast amount of difference in age, not only by years, but by development and experience. an 8 year old is a 3rd grader, a 14 year old is a high school freshman. i think that makes a lot of difference in not only how much agency a character is treated with, but how an audience views them. i mean, 14 is a good age for a YA novel protagonist - think harry potter or percy jackson. ciri in the netflix adaptation was set up more as someone relatable (to those younger watching) as she’s like the hero of her own story! she escapes from her evil evil evil pursuers and has this great power she doesn’t yet understand! whereas books ciri is meant more for an audience to feel like geralt toward - protective, parental, you find a child in the middle of the woods, and you’re thinking, “what’s with this... sassy lost child?”
sapkowski is also the master of a good character reveal. i think ciri, cahir, regis, even characters like vilgefortz, have these GREAT reveals as to who they were all along! surprise, surprise, there is no black knight of cintra, it’s just a young man paralyzed with fear and pain! surprise, surprise, the guy that knew a lot about vampires and lived near a cemetery and dresses in all black is a vampire (ok, this reveal is weaker... but you’ve got to admit, the actual reveal scene... alright). 
ciri had a GREAT character reveal in the books. since we see everything from geralt’s perspective, she’s just some child, she’s just some brat geralt finds in the wilderness, he doesn’t have ANY reason to feel any sort of way to her, and he practically adopts her and she feels safe with him. he recognizes her vulnerability as a child and does anything to protect her and guide her. this is what is meant by “something more,” their relationship from the beginning was something more than strictly destiny. destiny may have led them together, but it did not make them become family, they did that themselves. and later when geralt learns that ciri is the princess of cintra, the child surprise promised to him, does he even consider destiny as part of the equation. and this is actually what drives them apart, because geralt believes that he will and refuses to ruin her life by introducing her to the blade, and thus, death. because it’s not incredibly special that ciri is a child surprise, i wouldn’t say it’s horribly common, but it’s not like she’s the only one. and she’s definitely not the only child to be taken/taken in and raised by witchers. and geralt knows what being raised as a witcher is like, and he refuses to do that to her, because he actually loves this child as his daughter. and this is where the conflict stems from, because geralt spit in destiny’s face and said, fuck you, i’m not going to hurt this child. and destiny said, i’m going to hurt her anyways.
in the netflix series? the first time we see ciri... is in cintra! the surprise is RUINED!! child surprise, more like child already-revealed. the audience has no reason to watch anymore, because we already know who she is and what happens to her. they literally kill calanthe and eist off in the first episode, and then expect the audience to CARE about them during episode 4 when they adapted a question of price. in the books, dandelion telling geralt the accounts of the massacre of cintra was a heavy scene, it was a tragic scene, and you knew somehow that it was geralt’s fault because of how he had refuted destiny, you had the lore on your side if you had been reading the stories beforehand, you understood why this was happening and what has happened to ciri.
also side note, i sincerely think the massacre of cintra is better coming from geralt’s best friend, someone he’s known for years and trusts immensely, also a poet so his account is horrifyingly immaculate and it really hits that mark of chilling, rather than geralt just... idk being there? i didn’t watch this far but he showed up to cintra and calanthe threw him in jail? this makes no sense, why would she... anyways. but yes, dandelion is a character that serves to be there for geralt, so it makes sense for him to tell geralt about cintra because then geralt can respond and thus demonstrate to the readers/audience all of the emotions about it that he is feeling.
but yeah so to summarize, my thoughts are that ciri really comes off as a weaker character in the netflix series than in the books because:
they treated her as older and introduced her as the lion cub of cintra and not as just some child found in the woods, taking BOTH the “child” and “surprise” out of “child surprise”
they removed geralt’s paternal relationship to her and why exactly he is significant in her story, and hyped up the “destiny” thing instead, which came off as completely meaningless, not to mention annoying to hear repeated when there has been no significance developed behind the word. i mean, they cut out both brokilon and something more (i will NOT accept that scene as the ending scene of something more. that wasn’t a hug fit to pick your kid up from afterschool, much less a hug that you run towards your kid with when you thought they perished and you were responsible for it, when you risked your life just to maybe be able to see them again. there was also no dialogue, no “geralt, you’ve found me! after all this time! i knew it! i’m your destiny! say it, i’m your destiny? am i your destiny?” “you’re much more than that, ciri. much more.” so that sucked).
they chose an older actress for ciri, likely to evade having to respect their actors by working within the confines of child labor laws, but not only this, they treated her older in the narrative and made the viewer empathize with her instead of with geralt, the parent... ciri only is supposed to become a “relatable” character when she reaches 13 or 14, in blood of elves and in time of contempt.
they reduced the significance of how deep her trauma was from the massacre of cintra (she makes one offhand comment about how cahir had a bird on his head... that’s not gonna cut it for me. she’s so far experienced a total of zero nightmares about the black knight of cintra).
they gave her a bunch of filler scenes that had absolutely no impact on the broad story or her character development or relationships with other characters (doppler plot). they also made her arc surround unlearning being a princess and finding what epic powers she might have, and nothing comes from both of these points. she doesn’t develop any character because of these points, they’re just there for more filler.
a tad unrelated but: they made yennefer’s wanting a child more of an obsession than a goal the character just happens to have, and have sexualized her character immensely, moreso than in the books... plus the fact that they made her super appealing to the audience and to every other character including geralt from the start (she’s not someone who is icy at first, then warms up), makes me feel like we are never going to get ciri and yennefer at ellander. ever. i just can’t imagine it with this ciri and this yennefer from the netflix series.
29 notes · View notes
viiperfang · 4 years ago
Text
Tumblr media
Sorry i posted it way too early on accident so i deleted it and im reposting. @benrey--feetman​
Give me a character & I will tell you:
How I feel about this character: I love Benrey, especially their specific Brand of assholeness. Because it’s not like, super mean spirited, it’s kinda like your annoying kid cousin acting all high and mighty and like a brat but Only because they want your attention, y’know? I really like when people draw him as a fuckin brick shithouse, that’s like, my favorite. But also short king status real?
Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Well, I’m sure you can guess but Benrey/Gordon is my biggest ship for him, I’m a goddamn sucker for that shit. Other than that though? Benrey/Tommy and Benrey/Gordon/Tommy are really cool too.
My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: I really like the dynamic of Benrey and Bubby’s relationship. They’re so similar and yet so unalike that it causes for extremely funny moments, especially if they end up arguing over absolutely nothing of importance.
My unpopular opinion about this character: I think some of the characterizations within the fandom of him are kind of icky. They make him out like a tried and true bad person instead of just, an asshole who doesn’t know how to get their feelings across. I really hate when people make him possessive and obsessive over Gordon, to the point where they’re treating him more like an object than a person. I also don’t like the complete opposite where people make them an UWU Baby who did nothing wrong. They’ve gotta own up for their mistakes, dude.
One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Listen, I have NOT watched the heist or ACAB streams and all I know about them are clips I’ve seen here and what I’ve heard from others. Now that you know that: I want to see Benrey apologizing to Gordon, like, really apologizing, because they Did fuck up. And they weren’t totally innocent. They caused Gordon a lot of hardship and trauma, even if it wasn’t their intention. On the other hand, I’d like for them to get an apology back from Gordon because he wasn’t an innocent party either. Basically I want the two of them to apologize, forgive each other, and have their relationship grow for the better.
Favorite friendship for this character: God, Benrey and Tommy being best friends is so good? Like, Tommy being able to read the Sweet Voice and therefore being able to understand Benrey more than anyone else on the Science Team could, at the time of the ResCas? Them Obviously knowing each other at the start? It’s good shit. I could go on about their friendship but I’ll leave it with this: They were friends starting at a young age, well, Benrey was young, Tommy was probably like a young tween, and Benrey is the sibling Tommy never had. They just got a sibling dynamic okay?
My crossover ship: I don’t do crossovers, not my thing! Nothing against them I just don’t like them for some reason. ^^ IF I had to pick something, uh, I saw a Benrey/Gordon/Barney thing and went “oh!” so :)
13 notes · View notes
holdvns · 4 years ago
Text
Tumblr media
hi friends ! i’m farah nd im coming at u live frm the pst timezone to bring u a new muse of mine. so excuse me as i ramble abt holden under the cut. like this post and i will come bother u for plots?? that or u can im me on here or on my discord (farah#1263), whatever works rlly! anyways, super stoked to be here and to get to write with u all!!!!
(TOBY WALLACE, CIS MALE) - Have you seen HOLDEN DONAHUE? HOLDEN is in HIS JUNIOR year. The PHILOSOPHY MAJOR is 21 years old & is a TAURUS. People say HE is QUICK-WITTED, DARING, IRREVERENT and DETACHED. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY SOCIETY. I heard from the gossip blog that HIS FATHER PAID OFF THE SCHOOL TO CHANGE HIS GRADES AFTER HE FAILED FOUR CLASSES LAST SEMESTER FROM NEVER SHOWING UP.  (FARAH. 22. PST. SHE/HER.)
pinterest board / tag
holden grew up between upstate new york and manhattan in an extremely wealthy family. from the outside, his family had the appearance of perfection, but underneath that facade lay years of shocking and hidden family secrets that one way or another got out into society, even if his family tried to put them down as merely rumors.
his father is a highly respected but also deeply feared business man/media magnate known for his cutthroat attitude in his business dealings and personal relationships. he had an extremely difficult childhood, having been orphaned at a young age and passed from relative to relative around europe, many of whom were not very kind to him. still, he was incredibly intelligent and wanted to make something of himself, having this belief in the american dream and wanting to move there if he ever got the chance. after attending college on a scholarship, he was able to use his connections and move to new york, where he founded his own start-up that eventually led to him building his own personal fortune.
his mother was very much a hustler. she grew up poor in new york and at an early age, learned how to use her good looks to manipulate men for the finer things in life. she had a short stint as a model before she met holden’s father, charming him enough to call it quits with his first wife. underneath her obvious beauty, however, was a fiery temper and substance abuse problem. the thing about her was that she really wasn’t made to be a wife and mother. holden’s father thought he could turn her into this perfect socialite/housewife (marrying her and then proceeding to have his older brother, cal, and holden in a very short span of time), but the task proved impossible. she was always only looking out for herself and didn’t enjoy being tied down, certainly not with kids to take care of despite the nannies his father provided. they fought constantly, and their home life was extremely unstable. it was a normal occurrence for holden to see his mother being dragged off to an institution by his father’s security guards or for his mother to use him and his brother as bait to get his father to give her money for drugs, to leave him, or sometimes just to try and get back with him.
eventually, she finally did leave, having told holden and his brother the three of them were moving to los angeles, but leaving without them and dying of a drug overdose shortly after. holden was about six at the time and thinks he has successfully hidden this entire episode from his memory, but it’s definitely something that affects him whether he likes it or not.
although his family claims this was merely just a rumor, it was often said that there was some foul play behind her death and that his father had some involvement, not wanting her to ever leave him and move on with her life. while holden deep down may admit that this could be the case, it’s never something he would really say.
at this point, his father rarely talks about his mother and when he has, he has poisoned her memory so much, holden feels like he never really had one. when he was younger, he’d often make up stories about her in his head, which were far different than who she actually was. it helped at the time, but after a while it was easier to just forget her altogether.
while his father cares deeply for his children and has provided them a life of ease and luxury, he’s certainly not innocent in all of this mess. he’s extremely manipulative and often psychologically traumatizing to them as well. he often finds his children to be lazy and ungrateful and resents the way they’ve been raised (even though it was his own doing), while he suffered from poverty and abuse in his own childhood. he often pits the two of them against each other, always trying to see who’s the stronger, smartest, who will do whatever it takes to be the best, especially because there’s always talk about who’s going to be the one to be the one who’s going to take over when he retires. it is usually said to be his older brother, because it’s no secret that he’s his father’s favorite.
because of this, holden and his brother never really got along. or so it seems. they did when they were younger, but their hatred runs so deep that the even thought of that feels like a distant reality. they’re only two years apart, but they couldn’t be more different. while his brother is a complete perfectionist and will do just about anything to please his father, holden gave up on that idea along time ago. it didn’t matter what he did, he never seemed to be able to measure up against his brother. maybe it was because he was younger, maybe it was because he was more sensitive and seemed to feel things at a deeper level, maybe it was because he wasn’t as competitive, or maybe there was no explanation why his father simply liked cal better. holden’s never seemed to figure out. he’s always felt like the screwup of the family, so eventually that’s what he became.
he started drinking and using drugs at an early age, basically trying anything to mask his pain and trauma. while his brother excelled academically and in sports in high school, holden never applied himself. he fell in with the wrong crowd and gave up his spot on the football team to run around the streets of new york and engage in all kinds of debauchery. it was common for him to disappear for days on end, spending his father’s money and racking up drug and gambling debts. obviously his father wasn’t happy about this and would constantly remind him of that, but he didn’t exactly do anything to stop him either. if this was a cry for help or attention, it didn’t exactly have the desired effect and only left holden feeling empty. 
he started dating this older hippie girl who was in college while he was a senior in high school who influenced him to want to detach from his family and money and the crowd he was running in. he kind of... took it to the extreme and started talking like timothee chalamet in lady bird lmao, even though he reeked of privilege. honestly, it was just another way to annoy his father and brother, which was always his goal at the time. they ended up breaking up because he cheated on her, but he kept some of her ideas and mindset afterwards.
after high school, he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to do. so he ran off to europe for a year and didn’t talk to anyone from home. just traveled around by himself with little money and getting into all kinds of trouble. he probably would’ve stayed longer, but one morning he came across an american newspaper while he was in greece reporting on how his father had suffered a heart attack. he rushed back to the states and luckily his father has survived, but in that moment of weakness he manipulated him into attending college. his father pulled some strings and got him into yates, and while it isn’t exactly his idea of fun, he’s taking it day by day and looking it as another way to push back actually having to enter the real world.
~ personality wise ~
acts like he hates his family, new york, and everything that comes attached with money and privilege, but completely reaps the benefits of all these things when he can. claims everything having to do with high society is vapid and that he wants more out of life.
a bit of a compulsive liar. will make up fake identities and pretend to be other people or tell people he doesn’t know some sob story about growing up poor. rlly just gets off on stuff like that and doesn’t tell the truth. like ever.
doesn’t always like people knowing how rich he is or who his father is. for those that do know, he doesn’t like to talk much about his family. probably won’t ever say a word about his mother.
has no real ambitions in life or any sort-of life plan. has switched his major at least 10 times and never goes to his classes.
very much a hedonist. likes to party and hates being alone. hooks up with too many people and finds it very difficult to be in any sort of real relationship. he’s just not reliable or faithful enough.
also goes through phases where feels like he doesn’t connect with people? or that he hates everyone?
always attracts chaos of some kind. black eyes from a fight over kissing someone’s girlfriend or owing his drug dealer money.
lives life day by day. doesn’t plan for the future. usually always drunk or high.
kind of... morally ambiguous. with the way he was raised, he doesn’t see life as black or white. it’s sort of grey. usually doesn’t do the right thing, usually doesn’t feel bad about it... but there is a heart there somewhere. he just doesn’t usually care enough to use it.
rlly tries to avoid feelings as much as possible. he’s actually quite a sensitive person, but after being constantly told that makes him weak by his father and having a robot of a brother he’s always felt ashamed by that. so he uses his vices to try and not feel things.
wanted plots
hook ups, fwbs, exes, someone he cheated on, friends, enemies, someone he owes money to, someone who knew him grew up and knows his family, someone he actually rlly cares about (romantic or platonic)...i’ll add more to this when i think of more things!
9 notes · View notes
bringbackwendellvaughn · 4 years ago
Note
hi hello, i realize im like 2 years late so if your hype has already died out feel free to ignore this ask BUT if not, i really loved your Tbolts character analysis and justifications for a new team and I'd love to hear more about your fanon run? Please and thank you!
Oh thanks :D
I’ve been super-busy with my job as a teacher and it’s been a nightmare this year and I’ve not been able to afford to commission any covers for a long while. And its a shame because I have loads of Thunderbolts stuff, they were the first one I ever started thinking of fanon for.
I don’t have my file with me right now but I can remember some stuff...
I know one of my main directions for the team as a whole was to try and get them out of the more Suicide Squad-y set-ups they had been receiving since Nicieza left. I love Jeff Parker and his run, but I did want to get back to them being an actual super-hero team - a bunch of people who would show up alongside the Avengers and X-Men and FF and whoever during big Crisis events. I would maintain a link to The Raft prison but I would have them based out of their own headquarters somewhere else. I think back at Thunderbolts Mountain was what I went with. The Raft would still be explored a lot in the series and we’d get a look at a lot of other villains through that. I was always finding excuses to remind people Grizzly was technically once one of the Thunderbolts. In fact, with the Raft, there is a running joke I had thought of where whenever they are at The Raft (handing over a prisoner or whatever), the minor character Skeleton Ki - who featured on the Giant-Size cover - he is meant to be this master escape artist who can open any door so my idea was he would be a prisoner at The Raft and whenever we are there it is always the case he was either constantly escaping from his cell or being escorted back to his cell after failing to get anywhere beyond that.
The first two issues were the team fighting Red Hulk. Red Hulk had invaded a fictional country and was killing dictators so the Thunderbolts go to stop him before he ends up causing any more of a major international incident. This was also a nod-nod-wink-wink to Red Hulk stealing the Thunderbolts book all those years ago. I was likely going to blindly alter Red Hulk so that it wasn’t ever General Ross, over time my rules became looser and looser about what is and isn’t canon so one day I decided “it’s an alternative fanon, Red Hulk can always just have been Ross’ young protege that they later introduced in Parker’s run”.
The second issue cover was a homage (all the second issue covers would have a “homage” cover but usually not of the usual culprits) and it would have been a homage to Thunderbolts Prelude, a one-shot from 1997 reprinting the Hulk issue they debuted in. The new cover would swap Hulk for Red Hulk and Atlas for Man-KillerAmazon.
Tumblr media
And she would also vanish after getting her arse kicked by Rulk. She would have gone her usual route of cut and running. She will be back and before she does come back, she would make a very brief appearance on Whirlwind’s Lethal Legion which attack the Pyms on their second honeymoon in my Avengers fanon (a group mostly made up of Pym enemies or Pym particle users). She would again cut and run from that group.  Amazon would return issue 6/7. She would show up again at the Thunderbolts headquarters one day and this would be a big character thing for her, it’s hard to explain but it’d be like her returning is her first active step towards something better. Although maybe she only came back out of fear? Maybe because she had nowhere else to go? Amazon was one of the character’s I was most enthusiastic about, I love that there is this super-strong (one-time but now full-time) giantess with this really understated character arc from Nicieza’s run and some history with a lot of the team.
Songbird would be the team leader, I can’t remember how much I posted before, but she would be no area for debate about who is leading the team. It’s Songbird. It’s Songbird’s team. It always should have been Songbird’s team for a while now and other people - Zemo, Osborn, the Avengers - have held it from her. The Avengers would come to better understand and appreciate the Thunderbolts this time around. Cap is pretty okay with Songbird and Abe, he believes in them, but he’d always be less convinced about the rest of the team so that is part of the way Diamondback gets brought onto the team. To forge a bridge between the two teams but it wouldn’t be the case she is acting as a spy or a mole or anything. She’s just there to let Steve and the Avengers know what’s up and help the Thunderbolts get some clearance here and there. And also because Steve wants Rachel there, he knows Rachel being around people like Songbird and Abe will benefit her and the Thunderbolts by showing that yes there is a chance to be accepted as a reformed hero.
Abe... I have him back in his Beetle armor but he’d be still operating as MACH-5. The idea is that he just upgraded his armor and this time was feeling a bit retro so modelled it on his old Beetle armor. This is also explained in story as part of him accepting his past sort of. There’s a story involved to best explain this, it’s in Giant-Size, Diamondback proposes Constrictor as team-mate. Abe tracks him down and Constrictor instead mocks him for making himself over in the image of a hero and burying his history. So, he decides his next armor will embrace/acknowledge his past. The Other Beetle is still out there (and she’s the one calling herself Beetle).
Karla is so fun, she would get back to being a bit less selfish and accepting that these people are actually her friends. She’d still screw them over and manipulate them to hell, but she’s definitely not going to kill any of them. One thing would be exploring her past history with Blackout and how Blackout remains a bit fixated on her but he doesn’t have the best mental capacity for her to manipulate.
Blackout is a hard one to really wrap my head around. He’s back from the dead but he’s not all there (like he was in Thunderbolts #100). I like the idea of exploring the nature of his existence post-death, and kinda getting a bit freaky with how anorexic his body would be (I remember sending reference points that were all Deadman pieces by Kelley Jones). It’s hard to really justify any of these characters, besides Moonstone, abusing this seemingly barely functioning person who doesn’t have the mental ability for doing much besides following orders and being a bit creepy with Karla. I can see him getting benched a lot but I’m pretty sure - no matter how long I ran with it - i wouldn’t ever want to have him say a full sentence. He’s not a dumb zombie, he’s just a bit out of it and it is more like a character trait that he isn’t very communicative. The idea is that custody of Blackout fell to the Thunderbolts because the Commission don’t want him, prison or Ravencroft can’t hold him and Songbird agrees to take him off their hands to basically stop him from being used by a bad guy or falling into Zemo’s hands again or whatever. 
Ghost... I can’t remember anything I do with Ghost. Sorry!! I mainly remember him and Karla being something of a double-act. He’s too clever/paranoid to be manipulated by her and she doesn’t even bother. I remember the first issue (which I wrote a whole script for!) had a scene with them just sat on the side offering commentary on Amazon on Blackout becoming part of the team.
Juggernaut. He would be back. I want him on the team, I always planned with him on the team, but I’m holding him back initially to allow the other characters a chance to exert their powers (especially, I don’t want him there to dominate the Rulk fight). He’d be back after the Zemo/Osborn story I think. I think the story thing was that Juggernaut was being held pending a trial for his actions committed while possessed in Fear Itself and so he was off-limits for the team. He’s eventually found innocent of those crimes and re-joins the team.
Sandman, I really want Sandman on the team but I’m also very adverse to just putting him on the team because I want him on the team. I never really had much to say with Sandman other than cementing or re-establishing the heroic side of the character from the 90s. I’m sure I had ideas for him but I can’t remember any of them without my files.
I’m sure the third issue was all about Zemo and Fixer (my 3rd issues were all a gimmick too, they would focus/feature a villain). Zemo has a lot of stuff going on, he is a complex character and so much more than just a villain or pretending/trying to be a hero. I am dumping so hard on Fixer, I am absolutely destroying the character but my take is “when I came up with these ideas, Fixer was dead and if I’m bringing him back I need to do something more substancial than just have him be back from the dead”. Personally, I think my idea for Fixer is not at odds and, while it is maybe exaggerating a few moments from old stories, but I basically see him as completely worn out by his hero days and his failed attempts to be accepted like Mel and Abe are. He’s wound up just turning back to Zemo, Zemo always accepted him, he is valuable and treat like he is important by Zemo. Zemo would have a huge plot at the end of the first year. He would go up against Norman Osborn, angered by Osborn usurping his Thunderbolts and believing his Dark Avengers scheme was copying his original Thunderbolts plan. It would end with Songbird and the others interjecting, especially highlighting Moonstone’s history with Dark Avengers, and the end-point would be Zemo denouncing Osborn and effectively not-so-subtly, writing Osborn out from a continued presence in Thunderbolts books. Oh, and Osborn skewering Andreas would indeed be brought up. 
Speaking of, he would be back. In the first annual, we would learn that Andreas’ corpse was found by that sect of The Hand from Enemy of the State and since he was a Strucker, he was resurrected to lead them. It would be implied Zemo tipped them off to the whereabouts of Strucker’s body. Andreas would lead the Hand in an assault on The Raft under the pretense they are recruiting new soldiers but in truth Strucker is using them to get to Osborn and Bullseye (it happens before the above Zemo story and neither of them would actually appear). He would eventually stand down after encountering Songbird again and being reminded by her of his original mission of not being like his father. This would set him up as leading this sect of The Hand to do good ala Daredevil in Shadowland but obviously if Daredevil couldn’t do it, snotty Strucker brat isn’t going to succeed but for the time being he is out there doing stuff.
The second annual is a fun one-off story where Radioactive Man comes to Quicksilver (this is all hinging on one quick scene in Mighty Avengers where they pointed out how they were both heroes now). Chen wants Pietro to put together a Thunderbolts squad to break Collective Man out of a Russian gulag. Part of this is borne from one of my original ideas which was having Quicksilver take on Hawkeye’s leader role. I can’t remember the exact team but I know Finesse was on there, Man-Ape was too and he deserts them immediately. The big one was Crossfire because there was an awesome Quicksilver moment at the end where after they have completed the mission, Pietro beats the shit out of him - breaks his arms and legs - and leaves him behind to presumably be thrown in the same gulag Collective Man was. I remember he’s like “I don’t have many friends but Clint Barton is one of the few I truly do consider more than an acquaintance. You killing Mockingbird’s mother and her desire to eventually exact revenge on you will likely drive another wedge in their attempts to repair their relationship... so I picked you for this team, Crossfire, to stop you from causing any more harm to their lives.” (or something like that)
Eventually there was going to be a “Thunderbolts International” (a riff on Justice League International) which would be a one-off rival team led by Dallas Riordan comprised of Atlas, Jolt, Radioactive Man, Blizzard, Speed Demon, Boomerang, Skein and Cyclone. I think that would be the ... 25th issue? issue 200. It would be a chance to include some of those guys I love but can’t fit on the team. (edit: just remembered this leads into a cool story where a combination of some of both teams end up transported into Kree space). Atlas wouldn’t rejoin the team but the very very final story in my run is an Atlas story. Something of a tragedy where Atlas steps up and is a great hero and nobody will ever know. This would be a big Atlas vs. Fixer epic which i just realised also has a nice undertone of highlighting that they were the two who sided with Zemo back in Thunderbolts #12.
(edit: there was also another team they’d go up against called the Renegades - a team comprised of American Eagle, Sepulchre, Steel Spider and Jack Flag - who recall the Osborn Thunderbolts and as such are very anti-Thunderbolt)
I think there’d be another ad-hoc team at some point, that last story might see Atlas step up and lead one, of which Mentallo would be a member. Mentallo probably should factor into my character assassination of Fixer. I’m so sorry to Fixer fans, he’s going so unhinged. Batroc is another guy I want to throw in somewhere. Most the guys on that cover to Giant-Size Thunderbolts 1 either feature explicitly in that story (with the idea of them being Thunderbolts directly referenced) or will be prominently in another part of the run. 
2 notes · View notes
my-miraculous-headcanons · 6 years ago
Note
hey, i love your ideas!! I think it’d be really really interesting to hear what your ideal version of the series is?? don’t know how to explain lol, but like.. if everything was done great and you could find any flaws with the show,, what would that miraculous ladybug look like? like your view on the ‘perfect miraculous ladybug’ would look like ! sorry, im really bad at explaining things, anyway i love ya!! 💕
My ideal version of the series? I think I’ve done something similarly before, tagged as Original Concepts AU. 
My personal view on the perfect Miraculous Ladybug would be one more based on a lot of the pre-production concepts. Concept Marinette and Adrien are older, and struggle with much different battles than our current Marinette and Adrien.
It’s implied that the magic from the Miraculous flows through the holders’ body constantly, meaning that even as civilians they have improved strength and other magical abilities. I find this particularly interesting when it’s paired with the concept of Adrien with a cane— it implies that before suddenly discovering magical power, he had a weak body and trouble walking. This gave a legitimate reason for him to have been forcefully homeschooled for his entire life, and another reason why his family would suddenly decide that he’s well enough to attend school with other students now. (Of course, I doubt he’d drop the whole façade completely, because it would be extremely suspicious if he miraculously recovered in a single night.) 
I like the concept idea of an Adrien mixed a little bit with Felix’s personality. He’s a good kid, polite and friendly when spoken to, and won’t go out of his way to be a jerk for no reason. But, he’s still very reserved on personal matters and won’t hesitate to enact a little payback on people who deserve it. (Especially those who make comments on his cane.) Unlike current Adrien, my perfect version of Adrien would not have tolerated Lila’s BS, or Chloe’s, for that matter. He’d be using his bad luck abilities on them rather often.
My perfect version of Marinette is very closely tied to the Marinette in the Mini Menace Ladybug cover pages from the very beginning. She’s an already confident and spunky young lady who’s popular and kind, all before she discovered the Ladybug Miraculous. She’s also more closely tied with her Chinese origins, speaking it fluently and it, apparently, being the first language she uses when speaking or calling for her family.
Furthermore, this Ladybug isn’t the universally loved one we know. She’s on the run from the cops, attempting to stop crimes, study crime scenes, and discover clues that will lead her to her #1 opponent, Hawkmoth. This Marinette isn’t distracted from her goal, and doesn’t just do the bare-minimum of just purifying akumas. She goes above and beyond in order to try and stop her enemy.
And… if I’m going to be honest, my absolute perfect version of Miraculous Ladybug would be Ladybug working alone. I don’t mean that Chat Noir doesn’t exist― he absolutely does! The difference here is that he’s not her partner and isn’t helping her out. He has no reason to, and since her mission to take down Hawkmoth is more personal, (since, in the concepts he apparently orchestrated the murder of her father,) Marinette isn’t all too inclined to take him on as a partner either. They only ever work together on special occasions when their goals line up. 
This makes Chat Noir a reoccurring character without him stealing any spotlight, and shapes him into something more morally grey without making him out to be the villain. And, in this version of ML, the show would be focused on only Marinette’s point of view, so it wouldn’t start off with us knowing Chat’s identity. Because for one, he’s not the main character and therefore it isn’t important for his identity to be known from the very beginning, and secondly, it leaves the audience going wild in trying to figure out who he is and what his goals are. Not only that, but there would be… a lot of theories of whether or not he’s a good guy, or if Ladybug should trust him, or if he’s working for Hawkmoth, etc, etc. 
There’s more on how I would make this show better suited to my tastes. For one, the whole villain of the day episodic order needs to be thrown out. It’s not working out currently and it certainly wouldn’t work out with the concept premise. Secondly, Adrien is not directly related to Hawkmoth, and therefore isn’t smack-dab in the middle of all the drama, making it all about him. And thirdly, all development is slow-going, including any romance development, meaning that the love square would not be the main hook for the show. (Honestly, making the love square the main hook is a huge mistake, because that gets stale quickly.) 
Let’s see, what else… Well, since this show is more focused on Marinette, and since she is powered even when she doesn’t have the super suit on, there would be a lot more instances where Certified Civilian Marinette Dupain-Cheng is seen doing some pretty badass stuff. A lot of screen time is going to be dedicated to her doing her thing even without the mask, like sneaking into places using her innocent civilian face, or commanding the classroom to either evacuate or come up with a plan where her and her classmates can work together to get out of difficult situations. (And even maybe beat the bad guy along the way.)
As for the romance department, in an ideal ML, I’d want it being slow-burn, and maybe even start off as one-sided, with Adrien slowly but surely beginning to like both Marinette and Ladybug. Marinette would take a lot longer, being so focused on finding her father’s killer. 
That’s… all I got for the moment. But honestly, I really love imagining this version of ML. I may even do a complete ML rewrite with this version in mind someday. Fluff may be my love, but this darker version of ML with older kids who act more mature is definitely more engaging to me.
221 notes · View notes
isolationstreet · 5 years ago
Note
💕, ❤️, 💛 and 💙 (For the CATS ask)?
this is going to get pretty long pretty quick so im putting it under a read more
💕 - Favorite chorus cat / background cat? 
Pouncival!!!! my sweet baby boy hes always just so upbeat and has this air of slight naivety to him and is almost always up to some form of harmless mischief or another and is just really cute and i love the fact that his one line is  “and bright!” 
also just the fact that jacob played him
Tumblr media Tumblr media
❤️ - Relationship headcanons? (both romantic and platonic)
Tugger and Mistoffelees are mates but their relationship is open. Mistoffelees is only with Tugger and Tugger keeps it mostly to just flirting with other cats  but is sometimes with Bombalurina bc they had a pretty solid friends with benefits thing going even before  he and Mistoffelees were together and its nice for him to have variety and they know what works
Misotffelees and Victoria are siblings with  Mistoffelees being slightly older bust as soon as Victoria was born he was glued immediately to her  both in the sense that they are best friends bust also due to the fact that even though he acts vague and aloof most of the time when Mistoffelees is excited and around people he likes he is the absolute biggest hugger/cuddler platonic physical intimacy is like catnip to him 
Bustopher Jones is MIstoffelees and Victoria’s dad. He was Kinda absent most of their life since he had them as a much older cat  who was very set in his aloof high society ways. I also HC Bustopher as having both horrible eyesight and memory problems and a lot of times he wont even recognize Mistoffelees and VIctoria and forgets that they are his children. MIstoffellees idolizes him regardless seeing him as the absolute height of grace and what a cat should be and takes great pride in the fact that he is Bustopher’s son despite the fact that Munkustrap and Skimbleshanks were the real father figures that were actually there for him throughout his life 
Mistoffelees’ fist crush when he was a kitten was on Munkustrap. This was very quickly shut down ofc bc he was a kitten and Munkustrap isnt a monster  but it was just a very innocent kids crush that just seeing Munku being so protective  and kind to everyone really got to Mistoffelees and that was his gay awakening
Munkustrap and Demeter are mates but they also have an open relationship with Demeter being romatically and sexually involved with Bombalurina while Munkustrap is Romantically and sexually involved with Alonzo
Alonzo and Cassandra are also in an open Relationship 
Years before Demeter escaped Macavity’s Clutches for good she fell pregnant and was able to escape long enough and hide the baby in the junkyard without Macavity finding out and that baby was Plato he has no idea of his true parentage and Demeter feels bad about having not told him but at this point it feels too late to her but shes very proud of him and the fine young tom hes grown up to be     
When Demeter finally did escape Macavity for good was when she fell pregnant with Jemima and fell in love with Munkustrap, Munkustrap loves his wife and adopted daughter very much and they are the cutest family
Old Deuteronomy is Macavity, Munkustrap, and Rum Tum Tugger’s father with semi significant age gaps between each child think like equivalent 10-14 year age gap in human years.  
Tugger dosent know Macavity because he left the tribe before he was born but Munkustrap does and its a definite source of stress for the tabby when he notices all the similarities between his brothers, the charisma, the vanity, the rebellious nature but the big difference is that Tugger has Munkustrap, Alonzo, and Mistoffelees all there to keep him grounded with some sense of humility where as Macavity  had no one
Skimbleshanks and Jennyanydots are former mates they were very much in love when they were young but grew apart as they got older mostly because their schedules were so different  Skimble was always off on some adventure on the railway while Jenny was far more concerned with what the cockroaches and mice were up to than her distant husband. They still remain friends and mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer are their chaos twin children 
A few years after Skimble and Jenny’s divorce Skimble struck up a relationship with the also divorced Asaparagus jr and they have happily taken in Tumbleburtus and Pouncival as their new adopted chaos twin children
Asparagus Jr, finds it infinitely weird that his ex Jellylorum is closer to his dad than he is but has also come to accept that fact since their both very theactric cats where as he tends to be a bit more reserved 
Plato and Victoria are mates and there the most over the top in love golden age of disney relationship possible   
I Have more but im going to stop here bc this is getting super long  i might also copy this spiel into its own post at some point  
💙 - Do you think you’ll ever fall out of liking the musical?
its very possible ill stop being hyperfixated on it at some point but i dont think ill ever stop enjoying the musical 
8 notes · View notes
lady-caden · 5 years ago
Text
30 days of Autism Acceptance
Im going to do a few in one post! I forgot to do this recently!
April 16: Do you experience hyper empathy or low empathy? Talk about it. What is it like?
Um,,,,I believe i’m very sympathetic but not very empathic! So low empathy!
Honestly, it can be hard to relate to others but i think I manage! It’s also hard understanding the mood of my friends/the room i’m in sometimes because idk what the people are feeling!
April 17: Have you experienced ableism before? If so, how did it feel and how did you handle it?
Yes! It sucked! When I was younger I was constantly called really horrible things and was always given wayyy simpler task that “i could handle” and i had people tell me to my face that I wasn’t as good as the other kids because i was autístic! It hurt really badly! I was also babied a lot and was always the very innocent kid and was treated kinda weridly when i swore or talked about soemthing not completely sfw. I had this one friend who told me i couldn’t swear and i shouldn’t act so wild/nsfw (which what?? i didnt) because i was so innocent and should stay that way. she would like...try to take me away from ppl i was talking to if she thought i shouldn’t hear it, it was wild! I tried telling her i could decide for myself what I could do but i wasn’t very good with my words and she never really got the point...Oh well!
April 18: Discuss how you felt when you felt when you first learnt you were autistic vs how you feel now.
lol imma be honest, i didn’t care. like at all. It was very obvious from when I very young that there was something a bit different with me from others. I always knew that because the people around me made sure I knew. When I was diagnosed I was very young and didn’t even really understand what it meant. All I knew was that it gave an explanation for the way I was and that I had some councilor lady follow me around school and I had special math classes.
Now idk how I feel? I’m just me and I feel like me. I “rediscovered” I was autistic in 8th grade when I had to go in for more testing, then I actually looked into it and now i kinda just accept that’s who i am.
April 19: Talk about scripting. Is scripting something that you normally do? What kind of situations do you have a script for? Does it help you?
Kinda! I have to write out what I say in situations i’m not used to! Actually when I was going some rough patches with people, one of my friends helped me a lot in figuring out what to say! Im super grateful for that! So yes, I plan out what I’m going to say a lot, whether it’s repeating it in my head wayy before the actual social interaction, or writing it down and practicing it then. I use scripting mainly in “Difficult” or awkward situations. It helps me a lot!
April 20: Discuss stimming. In what ways do you stim? What does stimming mean to you? What do individual stims that you do mean? Do you have any stim toys? What would you like people to know about stimming?
I really enjoy swimming! I used to stim a lot when I was younger in public! but now im a bit self conscious about it! I rock. A lot. I still do that in public, and i p much always do it while eating! I also sway on my feet, I flap my hands, I do a lot of finger/hand stims. One of which is like...turning a invisible door knob? so do that one a lot. I also just shake my hands a lot. for individual stims! I rock when i’m happy/upset/content/whatever lol. I shake my head down when I’m happy! I shake around my hands when Im just idle and vibin or stressed. I press my face against my shoulder/rub my face on my clothes when i’m anxious or just in gen. I do a lot of stims without noticing so idk. oh i also bounce. so much. just so much. all the time.
Ido own stim toys! I have a lot! I have two chewy necklaces, two of those stim square things, and one shaped like a controller, i have a lot of squishes, i have a magnetic thing and a newton’s cradle as well. I also have a lanyard for school I twirl, feel the edges, and just stim a lot in general with !
I wish people would understand it’s just a natural thing autistics do! (and other neurodivergent ppl to some extent) We do it to regulate emotions! Please don’t make fun of stimming!!
3 notes · View notes