#and past me did not like cha cha cha after first listen

[omppupiiras]

I didn't watch UMK this year (I never do honestly), but watching bits of it now bc of Käärijä I wonder if I would have lost my mind over this man sooner if this is how I would've been introduced to him

[mikanotes]

up close & personal

hyunsu ? x gn!reader

genre: what. mutual pining?

warnings: sweet home 2 spoilers, mentions of blood, injuries. hyunsu himself is a warning lowkey if u watched the last ep u probably get it… that’s all!

synopsis: You know Hyunsu so well. One year apart couldn’t possibly change that. Except if Hyunsu isn’t alone anymore.

authors note: realized at the end of this fic that i cld compare hyunsu’s current situation to venom like a little bit and that just makes everything so much easier somehow. anyways i don’t really like this but i needed to post smt for him after s2 so!

One year ago, you and Cha Hyunsu would’ve been sitting near the entrance of Green Home apartments, and he would be listening to you talk. One year ago, you would’ve firmly believed that by now, the world would’ve been restored to some kind of peace. It had, in a way, but certainly not in the one your past self would have hoped for. And certainly not the one Hyunsu would’ve wanted for the two of you.

Nevertheless, you remained grateful through everything— As much as you could manage. The shelter was as organized as possible and conflict was a surprisingly rare occurence. Things were alright. As long as you didn’t give time for the grief and terror to catch up to you.

But things couldn’t be calm forever. Especially not in the current state of your world.

When Eunyu disappeared with that man from the military, it only took a day before you grew restless enough to depart from the stadium. After all, Eunyu was the closest thing to a friend you had here, at this point. It only felt right to try and find her. And you did, surprisingly, along with a few familiar faces and an unknown one.

You didn’t expect for the evening you found your friend again to be the very same you would see the person you had considered closest to you at Green Home for the first time in… Over a year.

“Finally asleep.” you sighed quietly, watching Eunyu get the rest her body had probably been begging for. It was difficult to convince her you would stand watch and wait for your friend to wake up in her stead, but her exhaustion made her stop arguing eventually.

You turned towards the room he was in.

Cha Hyunsu.

You crossed your arms and sighed. One year without a single trace of him anywhere. And now he… Just reappears? You wanted to be surprised, but part of you really wasn’t. You were angry, just a little— Spending all this time telling yourself he was gone, only for him to come back as if nothing happened felt like a slap to the face. Still, you couldn’t blame him. Yet. You had no idea what happened to him during that time span.

You felt relieved, if anything.

After some hesitation, you walked over to the glass door. Your hand settled on the handle, pushing it open, before your eyes widened. Hyunsu was sitting on the hospital bed, stretching his neck quietly, not at all perturbed by anything. Hell, he even seemed peaceful.

More peaceful than you’d ever seen him.

You stepped inside quietly and let the door close behind you. Hyunsu continued to move his head, slowly, as if trying to relax, and didn’t acknowledge your presence. His shoulder was bloodstained, still, and his hoodie had cuts here and there. Messy as he appeared, this was your friend from Green Home, there was no denying it. You hadn’t even dared hope he could still be alive, after all this time. You couldn’t give your heart such a high possibility of suffering if he turned out to be gone.

And now he was here. So calm.

He opened his eyes with a soft sigh, before turning his gaze to you. “Finally decided to talk to me?” he asked. His tone was different. Too different. This did not feel like the kind of change that happened in a year. He smiled a little at your silence, tilting his head curiously. “No? Do you need more time? That would be too bad.”

He hopped off the bed with a huff and slowly walked over to you. The closer he got, the clearer it became that his eye color was different. Long gone was the blank, dark brown gaze that looked back at you when you two would talk— Replaced by a vibrant sky blue. A stark contrast from what you were used to, as was everything else about him, apparently. Be it his tone or his mannerisms, it all felt deeply wrong, like it wasn’t him at all. You furrowed your eyebrows but stood still, letting him walk to the very edge of your personal space.

“I’ve been waiting to see you for such a long while.”

“Huh?”

Hyunsu’s eyes widened a little before he grinned. This wasn’t … Him. Not exactly, at least. Not the one you talked to so much. But special-cases, or MH, essentially coexisted in one body. The monster forms around a person’s strongest desire, or whatever it was that scientist at the shelter said.

So perhaps, all the times you and Hyunsu had talked in the past had also been conversations that this side of him had been listening to.

A bit scary. You couldn’t really focus on that, though. You took a deep breath and looked at him.

“Is he well?”

He clicked his tongue, expression growing sour. “He’s fine. Let him get some rest. He’s tired.”

You nodded softly, gaze averting. That sounded fine enough to you. He was right, too, earlier— You had been avoiding talking to him since you met again. With the excuse of focusing on Yikyung and scavenging through the hospital, you had plenty of reasons to act as if you weren’t seeing the person you cared the most for after a whole entire year of thinking he was dead.

But you did feel his gaze on you the whole time. It was heavy, and remorseful. You’d planned to talk to him— In fact, that’s why you decided to come over to the room he was in. You hadn’t expected things to turn out this way, however. Seems like you couldn’t talk to your friend, yet.

“It’s nice to know you care, though.” he hummed, gaze never leaving your face. “He thinks about you so much, too.”

You looked back up at him. If this was the so-called monster part of Hyunsu, then what was his deal? A lot of questions about this situation flooded your head. “What are you playing at?”

He chuckled softly, before backing up just enough to hold up his hands in an innocent gesture. “Nothing as evil as you probably think.” he said, voice steady. “I just wanted us to talk. Just us.”

“Huh.”

“You see, your Hyunsu has an interest in you.” he said, tilting his head slowly. It felt as if he was analyzing you. It was a bit unsettling, but you didn’t bother breaking eye contact this time. “But I do, too. I’d say maybe… Even more than him?” his grin widened at his own words.

“I find it hard to believe you care about people.”

“And yet.” he scoffed, expression dropping to a blank one, seemingly annoyed. He dropped his arms to his sides and sighed. “We decided to work together. Couldn’t have him die on me, it wouldn’t be nice for anyone involved.”

You decided this Hyunsu seemed to mean it when he said they made a deal, just about as much as when he said he had an interest in you. So placing your trust in his bloodied hands for the time being, you tried to be less on guard. He wouldn’t kill you, or most importantly, Hyunsu. That was enough for now.

“Okay.” you sighed, crossing your arms. “So you want to talk?”

He smiled a little. “Yes.” he stated, before taking a step towards you. Only this time, he didn’t bother keeping a safe distance. His face was a touch too close to yours. “I’ve wanted to for a while.”

“You…” you paused for a moment, thinking. “Do you usually go around talking to people while getting so close to them?”

“I don’t go around talking to people.” he mocked your tone before scoffing, a grin pulling at his lips. He brought a hand up to your face, holding your cheek firmly. His focus turned to his hand, eyes narrowing in its direction. You felt his fingers loosen a little, as if he was trying to control how tightly he was holding you.

Which he was. Now it felt gentle. Almost unfitting. Not only that but the Hyunsu you knew was never this comfortable with anything close to physical affection. It felt so out of place.

“Does it bother you?” he whispered, eyes flitting over to meet yours again. He moved in closer, just enough for your noses to touch. He seemed to be having fun switching between looking at your eyes and at your lips. “Am I too close?”

Before you could think of a way to answer, you froze. The unfamiliar color in Hyunsu’s eyes dissipated, the cocky expression you were almost beginning to get used to replaced by a soft, almost startled one. His voice, much quieter now, whispered your name. Your eyes widened and you sighed in something akin to relief.

“Hyunsu.” you breathed out. The latter looked at you with a stunned look, struggling to find anything to say for a while. He looked into your eyes like he was making sure you were okay— Making sure you were really alive. His thumb moved back and forth softly over the skin of your cheek, his gaze scanning you in an almost panicked manner. He sighed shakily, before he brought your face into his shoulder. He seemed to be almost trembling.

“I’m sorry.” he exhaled, wrapping his other arm around your shoulders hesitantly. Still terrible at hugging. You’d missed those awkward displays of affection so much. “I… I’m sorry, it’s been… A very long time.”

“God, you’re so cruel, Cha Hyunsu.”

He tilted his head down into your neck. Now you felt his tears on your skin. He really hasn’t changed, you thought. It was obvious when he came running for help when Yikyung was badly injured, when he did everything to help her and went all the way to look for that kid— Cha Hyunsu hadn’t changed.

“I’m—”

“Quit apologizing.” you huffed, holding him tightly. “I missed you, too.”

Hyunsu sighed quietly, tightening his hold on you a little. He was relieved to finally have you with him again, but he couldn’t shake off his worries.

“You talked to… Him? Right?”

“I did.” you said, pulling away enough to look at him. The concern on his features was undeniable. “And it went fine. It’s okay.”

Hyunsu’s frown deepened. “I don’t know if it’s alright. Me staying… So close to you.”

“Don’t even think about disappearing on me again.” you warned, eyes widening. “I don’t care about any reason you give me— Don’t leave again.”

The boy sighed, averting his gaze for a moment, before slowly bringing it back to you.

“I won’t.” he assured, “I won’t leave you again.”

He closed his eyes and pulled you into another hug. He had to believe his existence on its own wouldn’t cause more problems for you to deal with. He had to trust that even if it did, you meant it when you said you didn’t mind. He knew you did. You always meant it.

He opened his eyes and looked at his reflection in the glass door just a bit further away. Seeing you in his arms should have been reassuring. But the blue hue of one of his eyes and the nagging voice in his head seemed to be laughing at his naivety. He pressed his eyes shut again and buried his face in your shoulder.

This is our priority, now. (I know.) No one else comes first. (I know.) Don’t let them get hurt.

I won’t.

[quack-quack-snacks]

Time Will Tell - Chapter 1.18

My Time Will Tell Masterlist

My Cha Hyun-su Masterlist

My Navigation and Masterlist

The Time Will Tell Glossary

Warnings: Grieving. Word Count: 1,338

prev | current | next

“It’s okay to cry.”

“Hm?”

“It’s okay to cry,” Ji-su reiterated as she sat down beside your criss-crossed knees. You spent the morning listening as your brother and sister recounted their times spent in Mr. Han’s room upstairs. How he had been so kind to them and welcomed them into his home without hesitation. You were enormously thankful and made a mental reminder to tell him so later on. They also told you about Hyun-su. How he went out of his way to rescue them from the apartment and bring them to safety, rescuing them even after he went through a round of monsterization symptoms. You told yourself to pay him another visit to say thanks for that, as well.

After that, you let them play by themselves, enjoying just watching them laugh and have fun. It was nice to hear them laugh when they were playing with Yeong-su’s dinosaur, especially after only hearing them cry since you saw them for the first time after a week. For the past half hour, in particular, you enjoyed your time watching Jin-ok teach Yeong-su how to read, smiling softly at his progress whenever it showed. “You lost your father, just like they did.”

You gave the beautiful red-dyed-haired girl a gentle smile but shook your head. “It’s not the same though. I’ll never understand what they went through when they saw him fall. That’s something I can only help them overcome. Besides, if I’m not strong for them, they have no one else.”

“I don’t agree. You can be strong and grieve at the same time. They don’t need you to be their rock all the time, especially with Jin-ok being there,” she placed a hand on your knee comfortingly. “You’re their sister, not their mother; and that’s okay. You don’t need to take on that responsibility.”

You stared at your siblings blankly for a moment before nodding to her words, looking down so your teary eyes would be hidden. 

“I’m afraid if I start crying I’ll never stop,” you joked. “I just never got to say goodbye to him, you know?” You sniffled softly, blinking away the tears to send her a forced smile. “Not really, anyways. That’s what sucks the most about it. I’ll never be able to tell him how much I love him. How good of a dad he was despite the circumstances.”

“I’m sure he knew,” she reassured and you nodded. 

“Thank you, Yoon Ji-su.”

She smiled and nodded, reaching over to squeeze your hand. “I know we’re practically complete strangers, but if you need someone you don’t have to be strong in front of, I’ll be around,” she told you before standing from the chair she sat on and leaving the room.

You wiped the fallen tears from your cheeks and stood up, walking over to the reading group on the floor and waiting until they finished with the paragraph they were on before speaking. “You better keep up the good work, okay, Yeong-su? Gotta make sure your reading is sharp so you can read all the secret messages I’m gonna write you, yeah?” He nodded enthusiastically and you smiled, kneeling in front of him and fluffing up his hair before placing a kiss on his forehead, doing the same to Su-yeong afterward. “I gotta do something, but I’ll be back in an hour or so, okay? Just stay with Ms. Cha, yeah?” They both nodded and you smiled at them, sending a different smile to Jin-ok before standing and stepping out of the room. 

“Um… Hi. Han Du-sik, right?”

The man wheeled around in his chair to look at you from where he’d just crossed your path, instantly recognizing you as the girl Su-yeong and Yeong-su raved on and on about for hours, always with loving remarks and adoring tones. “Ah, you must be the eldest Kim. Is that right?”

You nodded. “Yes, that’s me. I just… I wanted to thank you,” you told him. You were never the best at talking with adults so your stance was a perfect portrayal of your awkwardness the whole time but he didn’t seem to notice; or if he did, he didn’t show it. 

“Huh? What for?”

“For taking care of my baby brother and sister. They speak very highly of you and Hyun-su for taking care of them. It’s something I appreciate more than I can say and I just wanted to let you know.”

“It was my pleasure. They’re great kids; and from what I’ve heard about you, they’re lucky to have you in their lives.”

You blushed at the compliment. “Thank you. I just hope I can live up to those words.”

He smiled. “I’m sure you will.”

“Well, I’ll let you head to wherever you were before I interrupted you. Again, thank you for everything. I know your hands are ones that I can trust the safety of my brother and sister in.”

He smiled again, nodding at your words in a display of gratitude before turning and wheeling away. You turned too, heading towards the arcade room and opening the door to find…

Nothing.

The room was empty except for a snoozing Seok-hyeon. Not a Cha Hyun-su in sight. 

“Shit,” you cursed quietly, running towards the staircase entrance in hopes of catching the two before Eun-hyuk sent Hyun-su on another possible suicide mission. You knew he was in his golden hour. You weren’t stupid. You knew he fell from the 9th floor and survived with injuries that healed within hours, you just didn’t think that was probable cause to subject him to more. 

You weren’t in luck by the time you got to the staircase, seeing neither boy in sight and knowing he was long gone. 

“Eun-hyuk!” You said loudly as you walked into the security camera room. He sighed with his head down before spinning his chair around to face you. His face was blank of emotion, which just made you angrier. “Why are you using Hyun-su like this? He’s not just a puppet you can play around with and use as a little delivery service!”

“It’s the only way,” he said bluntly, starting to turn his chair around when you rushed forward and placed a hand on each armrest, caging him in. 

“No. It’s not the only way. I can go, or you could send out teams to go. It’s not fair that you’re using Hyun-su just because of a golden hour which we don’t even know will save him each time! You’re using him to do your dirty work based on something that happened once! One time! You can’t just force him to do your bidding, he’s a real person who deserves to have a choice!” You growled at him. “Every time he goes out there, there’s a chance that he won’t come back.”

“Hyun-su is dangerous, but he’s our only hope. He can’t die which makes him a valuable resource for us. I know it’s not morally correct, but it is what needs to be done.”

You breathed heavily, staring into his eyes while he leaned back in his chair, as calm as ever. You took a deep breath instead of screaming all your emotions at him and slowly rose from where you were leaning over him, your hands releasing the armrests and returning to your side. “You’re using a vulnerable boy and throwing him to the wolves each time you send him out there. Just know that, okay?” You told him in a calm and almost friendly voice, your words like a knife in contrast to your tone. 

You turned around, ready to exit the room and leave him with that thought when you saw Hyun-su standing in the doorway. Your fake smile turned softer and more genuine as you walked towards him, squeezing his arm gently in a form of contact he seemed to flinch away from but lean into all at the same time. With a final glance cast over your shoulder at the glasses-wearing boy sitting in front of the cameras, you left. 

[manawari]

| AU — in which Sung Jin-woo broke up with Cha Hae-in because she was an S-Rank while he was just an E-Rank, which got him uneasy as he thought he was no longer deserving of her. (Past Lovers!AU).

"I. . . I can't do this anymore," said Jin-woo as he moved away from his girlfriend, causing her head to lose balance on his shoulder. "We need to be go on our separate ways."

"W— what?" Hae-in's eyes widened. "Did I do something wrong? Jin-woo—"

"No. I can't let you get involved with me any further, Hae-in. Things. . . Things are different now." Jin-woo slowly tore his gaze from her.

"What do you mean 'different'? You've been like this lately!" Hae-in protested. "It's you who started acting different, Jin-woo."

Because you're an S-Rank. It's ridiculous to see you be with a weak person as me. Jin-woo's throat tightened at the unspoken words — he was not stupid to ignore the growing gap between him and Hae-in. He was an E-Rank hunter, who often got looked down by others due to his inability to fight without getting injured; people laughed at him and mocked him for being soon to be dead if he took another misstep.

"You could just be using Hunter Cha to your advantage!"

"What did you do to bribe her into staying by your side? Surely, compared to her, you are hopeless."

"Her? Your girlfriend? HAHA! Real funny."

"You can't even lift your sword without struggling. How can you say you're a better match for her?"

"I'd rather see Hunter Cha with a D-Rank rather than you, a worthless E-Rank."

Cha Hae-in, on the other hand, was an S-Rank. She had awakened several months after him. As an S-Rank, her strength was one of a kind, being more powerful than most hunters and on par with the famous guild masters in the country. Tremendous attention had diverted to her the moment the mana sphere declared her rank.

Jin-woo was outside, waiting for the result of her evaluation, but only to hear an uproar surrounding his girlfriend. He immediately ran and squeezed through the crowd to reach Hae-in, shielding her from the overwhelming chorus of voices. He squeezed her hand in reassurance and dragged her away.

He knew she didn't like too much attention.

He knew her like the back of his hand.

. . . But now, Jin-woo felt she was slipping away. Everyone was familiar with her, which made it difficult for him to be in the same place as her. Not only they'd make fun of him for "leaning" on an S-Rank, they'd try to tell Hae-in that she was way too good to be with the weakest hunter on earth.

Jin-woo ignored them. He defended Hae-in against them and would only accept their harsh words about him, letting them penetrate through his chest. But the more he absorb those words, the more they crawled to his mind, digging like sharp claws until it bleed.

It got to the point where he chose to let go.

"You promised! You promised that you'd be by my side!"

He left her in that bench. Not a last glance or word. Hae-in was left with questions and heartbreak, broken by none other than the boy who became her first love — they went to the same school, became friends, and Jin-woo had confessed his feelings to her during a school festival. All memories crumbled into ashes.

"All you had to do is not listen to them!"

"They were insulting you, Hae-in. Because of me!"

"And so what? Those people have no idea who you really are." Hae-in argued. "I understand that you are hurt on my behalf, but their words mean nothing to me — you're more than what they believe."

"They are not stopping until I am no longer involved with you."

"So, what are you supposed to do then, Jin-woo? Tell them that they are right?"

". . ."

They had fought about it before. They would spend days talking to each other until Jin-woo had given in to apologize to her. Still, he knew Hae-in was more hurt by his words rather than other people's, which pained him to see what he had been doing to her.

He became the reason of Hae-in's tears.

So, he became the person who broke her heart as well.

Jin-woo convinced himself that it was only for the best. He'd watch the news and see her beautiful face on the TV, standing confidently amidst the cameras next to her guild master, Choi Jong-in, who made his speech in front of the crowd. He was happy for her, knowing she was in a place in her life where she rightfully be. . . Though, it didn't stop his heart from aching.

"Do you still love her, big brother?" Jin-ah asked him one time.

Jin-woo closed his mouth in hesitation, the spoon in his hand halting midway. "I. . ." No, it had already been months since the last time he saw her. Things must've changed. "Jin-ah, it's been so long. My feelings for her have disappeared since that day." He answered.

He had to move on.

And he was certain that Hae-in had already did.

Lee Ju-hee, his only friend— however, had a different opinion. Being a healer who had to constantly run to him and mend whatever wounds were in his body, Jin-woo somehow managed to form a connection with her despite being scolded first before Ju-hee initiated an actual conversation with him.

"I still find it amazing how you met Cha Hae-in first before she became a hunter," she said to him as they walked together in an empty pavement in the park. "You're one lucky guy, Jin-woo."

"Why did you bring that topic up all of a sudden?" He questioned her.

"Nothing. I just remembered it." chuckled Ju-hee. Then, she let out a sigh. "You know, every time I think about it, I can't help but feel like there's still hope."

"For what?"

"For you two," she said. "I don't know Hae-in personally, or what exactly happened between the both of you, but it seems that you still have feelings for her."

Jin-woo's steps halted abruptly. "How. . . How can you say that? Ju-hee, I was the one who had chosen to broke up with her."

"You chose to break up with her because you weren't brave enough to stand up for your relationship," Ju-hee told him. "And I can tell you haven't forgotten about her — what she was once to you." The edge of her lips curved into a smile. "Listen to your heart. You deserve to be happy, you know? Make it as your promise to me."

Jin-woo sighed. I was the one who hurt her. "Fine, I'll be happy, Ju-hee."

"Also, promise me that you mustn't let go of her again. If, your paths cross."

He chuckled.

As if they'd meet again—

And for sure, he was nothing but a stranger to her. A terrible memory. The root of her own heartbreak.

She cried a lot because of him. She was the one who kept holding on when he was about to let go.

Since then, Jin-woo was all by himself. Ju-hee left her hunting job while he was stuck with getting stronger. Overtime, he was gradually peeling from the person he used to be— weak, cowardice, and useless. His life changed anew. It felt as if decades had passed when it was merely a few weeks.

His thin body, prone to injuries and always one step away from death, became built and formidable. His sister barely recognized him when he walked out of his bedroom. Jin-ah mocked and teased him while Jin-woo could only snort at her.

Life had started to become quite good to him.

. . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . .

. . . . . .

". . . Should I go for it?" His adrenaline pumped against his veins, and his fingers twitched as his dagger continued to form out thin air. Jin-woo let out a grin when—

"What are you doing over there?"

He froze.

Could it be?

"I asked you a question. What are you doing?"

He could feel her presence. And she was inching closer and closer, her steps were almost audible through the heavy silence in the cave.

"I got lost and ended up here," he answered.

"Then, get away from there. That's where the boss lives."

Jin-woo lowered his helmet over his countenance and turned away from his spot, maintaining his gaze low from the S-Rank hunter's scrutinizing gaze. He was about to walk past her when something suddenly tugged on the lace of his I.D. . . But luckily, he was quick to yank it back and grasped on the card to keep it out of her sight.

"Wha— hey! I just wanted to know who you are!" Cha Hae-in exclaimed.

Of course, she didn't recognize him. In her eyes, he was just a miner, a stranger. But to him. . . She was his past love — the chance he had wasted, the heart he had broken, and the love he had thrown away. He was no longer a guy with unruly black hair and soft features on his face, and as he stood before her, shielding his true emotions behind a blunt visage, Cha Hae-in waited for an answer with her eyes fixed sharply on him.

It was as if she had never changed.

Same beauty. Same eyes.

Yet, a different heart.

"I. . ." He swallowed. His lips curled into a forced smile. "I am Park Jin-sung, Vice-master Cha. Pleased to meet you in person."

[bubblesandgutz]

Every Record I Own - Day 830: Dead Moon In The Graveyard

I've been on tour for what feels like the majority of 2024. And while I love playing shows, I find that my appetite for new music tends to wane when I'm on the road for too long. Something similar happened around 2018 after touring the US six times and Europe five times in the span of two years. I feel like part of being a musician is staying curious about music from the past and engaged with the music of the present, but sometimes you just get worn out and wanna reach for old favorites.

So I pulled out In The Graveyard today. I'll admit, my love for Dead Moon has really only blossomed in the last half decade, but they've been in my orbit since I was a teenager after a local music newspaper had them on the cover with the tag line "Is Dead Moon The Last True DIY Band?" After all, not only did they release their own records, they also recorded them, designed the covers, AND cut the vinyl lathes.

But Dead Moon were also a bit mysterious to me as a teenager. They didn't play many (if any) all ages shows in the area despite being a Northwest band. They seemed to belong to an older generation. They had long hair and a Jack Daniels bottle with melted candle wax adhered to their kick drum and that skull moon logo---it all made me assume they were some old school proto-metal band. But they also seemed to belong to the garage rock world at a time when MRR was leaning into old fashioned rock n' roll and weeding out all the more interesting and boundary-pushing stuff in the punk world. Again, I assumed it wasn't for me.

But I grew up and my horizons expanded. I don't remember when I first consciously heard Dead Moon, though I remember catching one of their final shows in Portland back in 2006 and being sorta surprised by how scrappy and primitive they came across. It was like they were some long lost collaboration between Creedence Clearwater Revival and The Stooges. Even then, it felt like I'd missed the boat. This was a band, I assumed, whose charm resided in hearing them at the right time and place.

And then sometime around 2020 I actually sat down with In The Graveyard and had this weird realization that I knew all these songs. I'd been hearing them for years. The bartenders at the Cha Cha Lounge would play it all the time. The record store clerks at Fallout Records or Singles Going Steady would play it in the shop while I was browsing their bins. It would be on the PA between bands at local shows. I may not have been listening to Dead Moon for the past quarter century, but I'd been hearing them regularly throughout that time.

So now Dead Moon has this magic where it's both pleasantly familiar but also strangely new to me. It sounds like being in my 20s and 30s in Seattle, but I haven't exhausted myself on it like so many of the records I had on rotation in my life back then.

[officialleehadan]

For Eternity

HGE – UNconventional

+++

“I’ve decided to accept your offer.”

Vree was sitting in Lady Hoshi’s looped coils, comfortable and at peace after the celebration of his return from death, and the defeat of Void. It had been a small, but enthusiastic party, as those who came to his defense, Lord and Lady Petros, Al’Mudhib, Lady Hoshi of course, and Hades and Queen Persephone. The small, cheery party lasted well into the night, with good food, drinking, and tales of past follies.

It was a wonderful way to chase the last of the Underworld’s chill from his bones. By the time everyone left the Great Library, he felt almost like himself again. Now, he and Lady Hoshi were out in her garden, watching the fireflies and listening to the bells that filled her small pond. Vree held a cup of Lady Hoshi’s fine tea, and a plate with the remains of a batch of ha-cha-row­ sat beside them.

(For immortality?) Lady Hoshi asked, lazy and mostly asleep, although she roused at his words and swung her head over to nose him. He scratched lazily along her brow-ridge and she purred. (Not that I’m not pleased, but why so suddenly?)

“I decided in the Underworld,” Vree explained, still scratching at the soft scales where she was always a little itchy, and appreciated a thorough application of claws. “When you told me about Tokyo, I think. I realized then that you had seen so much history, and if I wanted to do the same, I would need to live longer.”

Given, he hadn’t really been thinking about immortality at the time, but now, with this quiet peace and safety, he could think about it more clearly. The idea of seeing, and preserving, history the way Lady Hoshi did was appealing. After all, he was there when the Human Galactic Empire first came to the Alliance. There were many long-lived species in the Alliance, but none had the connections he did to both governments.

He was the best, and one of the only, people who had the chance to nurture the future into something that was better for everyone. There would be horrors, the sight of Lady Hoshi’s beloved Tokyo in flames proved that, but perhaps he could help make for fewer of them. If he stayed as he was, he would have perhaps three or four hundred galactic years to do it. If he accepted Lady Hoshi’s offer of immortality, he would have far longer.

The lure of seeing history bee written, not just for his lifespan but for as long as immortality lasted, the heady temptation of learning everything there was to know, as Lady Hoshi did… surely there were worse reasons to desire immortality than the pursuit of knowledge and peace.

(Well-reasoned,) Lady Hoshi said with the warmth of pride in her voice as she followed his thoughts. He had given her permission to be in his mind, of course. She would never violate his privacy in such a way without his explicit invitation. It was new, but welcomed. (I would not have made you the offer if I did not think you would take well to it, but it will be an adjustment. Will you be able to watch those you love grow old, and die in time?)

“I don’t know,” Vree said, since honesty was the only true way forward, and Lady Hoshi did not need placating untruths. “I get bushy when I think about it too long, but I’ve never particularly imagined myself with a family of my own, and despite my affection with Graat… I don’t know if he would be comfortable with such an arrangement.”

(Will that be enough to convince you otherwise?)

“No. If things end between us, they end.” It would hurt of course, he liked Graat very much, and they had been, tentatively, starting to court. Still, it wasn’t love, not yet, and it would be easier to end it now if Graat was not accepting of his new lifespan. “Better to find out now, than later.”

(You will not be alone,) Lady Hoshi promised him gently, still purring under his claws. She tightened her coils around him, wary of her great strength, but so much like a hug that Vree could only purr back to her. (There are many in the Empire with lifespans such as mine, and I will always be here as a friend and guide when you need one.)

That, at least, was a reassurance in itself. To not be alone. It was true. There were so many Human-Others who had immortal lifespans. Vree thought back to all the papers he had written over the years. To the many people he had met already and the many more he knew only by reputation. It would take an eternity just to meet them all,  and more were born or made every day.

“I’ll never be bored,” Vree said at last, and felt Lady Hoshi laugh around him, deep chuckles that vibrated through her long coils and escaped as little wisps of flame around her teeth. “But I may need to stay with you a while, to learn how I’ve changed, and learn how to face eternity.”

(My dear Vree, you will be welcome here for as many days as you live, and all the days after) Lady Hoshi said warmly and nuzzled him until he laughed. (For how else are we to face eternity, if not surrounded by those who love us best?)

~Fin

+

Okay darlings, that’s a wrap! Wow, it’s been a long journey with our beloved Kitty-Lizard, and it will be a longer one yet as he learns to live with immortality. That story, however will be told in glimpses. Vree will be spending a long while at the great Library, and while we’ll still see him in the occasional cameo, this will be his last journey as a main character.

+++

HGE - UNconventional: (FULL COLLECTION)(CLOSED!)

Firebursts (Subscriber Only!)

Hot and Cold

Splish Splash

Furnace Rumble (Subscriber Only!)

Aftermath 

Duel Honor (Subscriber Only!)

Unexpected Imperial (Subscriber Only!)

At the Crossroads (Subscriber Only!)

Much Better, Much Worse

Four More

Armed Disarmed

Crunch and Crack (Subscriber Only!)

Family Home

Ancient Pine

Match Unlit

Drink and Dish

Skull-carved

It Means Vampire (Subscriber Only!)

Lordly Presentation

Deep Shoal (Subscriber Only!)

Attack of Savages

Fine Wood Shavings

World Wide Web

In Finite

White Scales Fall

Blooming Vines

Twin Sun Sand

Dragon at the Door

Knowledge Beloved

The Nature of Time (Subscriber Only!)

For He Is

Beneath Wings

Reality Shift

Elysium

Drops of Red (Subscriber Only!)

Making Jam

Favor Shed Scale (Subscriber Only!)

Jagged Judgement (Subscriber Only!)

Falling Flowers (Subscriber Only!)

Two Rivers

Styx

For Eternity

+++

MASTERLIST

[dwtsfun]

Dancing with the Stars Season 33 Week 8: Conrad, Come Here. Let's Talk

So we're back. This was an interesting week of competition. I don't think the dancing was as good as it could've been. There's a lot of factors, but I will explain the main one pretty soon.

Before I get there, Dwight and Daniella were eliminated. While it made sense, I was still a little disappointed as I found them to be some of the most entertaining people on this season. They should be proud as they figured out how to make a 1 and a half foot difference in height, work on this show. Contrary to popular belief online, Dwight was very good. He gave one strong performance this week and one where he was hosed. More on that later. So it was sad to see him go. I'm nervous for Chandler y'all. So tonight, if you like her, you MUST vote. Now let's talk about this instant challenge.

Instant Dance Challenge

I'm sorry but it was a flop. Conrad, bring that ass here. You KNOW better. In seasons 11 and 12, the instant dance round worked. You know why? You gotta remember why. You were EP back then. If you don't remember, let me remind you. The instant dance rounds worked back then because everyone was given the style that they were gonna do. The couples didn't have to put together 5 routines for one night of competition. It was also a rhythmic Latin dance. We didn't have to worry about the instant dance being a ballroom dance or a paso (of all dances). That means that we saw rumbas, salsas, cha-chas, jives and even a few sambas. Ballroom dances and a paso should've NEVER been in consideration for those instant dances. It is way too hard to figure out choreo on the spot for those while getting the technique somewhat right. Dwight and Daniella did well with what they had, but they were at an automatic disadvantage from jump.

Next, giving them their music 5 minutes before they got out on the floor was stupid! In the past they got their music after they finished with their first round, got changed (in private) and would work on putting their routine to that music before they got out on the floor. It wasn't a mad dash to change (let's not forget that those costumes could have ripped as they were putting them on right before the danced), listen to the music and figure something out in 7 minutes. You know how ridiculously unnecessary that whole ordeal was. The first way was a challenge. There would be drama and tension. But it was controlled and seemed possible. The show was nice to the couples. This was cruel. Imagine getting a song you never heard before and having to put something together without knowing any of the accents in the beat?

And let's talk about the stupid lie that they had to "choose" the right costume. NO! The show has their measurements. This cast in particular has varying different body shapes and sizes. Ilona can't fit what Chandler would wear. Neither of them can fit the pros' costumes. Rylee can't fit a Jenna/Daniella/Witney costume. Dwight is 6'10. Stephen is 5'7. Danny and Joey are the same height but Danny is much thicker than Joey. Brandon and Alan also have a similar thing with being the same height, but Brandon being thicker. They knew who had what costume. Just give them the costume after their first round dance so that they can change and get that out of the way. And the changing with the silhouette was so invasive and creepy and not family friendly AT ALL. Yeah we didn't see anything. But the fact that we're watching them change on stage, in the middle of the audience mind you, was so weird. Stop that. Conrad, you're clicking down. Get it together.

Also I wanna say that I agree with Cheryl about the iconic dances. They should've had to incorporate something from the old dance. Otherwise, you're just dancing to the same song.

Chandler and Brandon- These two had a night for the DWTS books. Both dances were perfect. That Argentine tango was especially amazing. Her lines are gorgeous. She moves with such power, grace and fluidity. That cha-cha was also an A+ dance, even with all the stupidity of that round happening. I think that Brandon's choreography has been extremely refreshing and underappreciated. He's been great all season, but especially for those two dances. Y'all. Vote for her please. I want them in the finale. I am so excited for a freestyle from them.

Joey and Jenna- So I don't care for contemporaries as always. This was a great dance. My critique is the same as CAI's actually (and I'm so glad she got her good sense back). Y'all know I don't care about the character of a dance unless there's an obvious gap in that and the performance. Well, that's what was happening here. There was nothing that he gave me from an emotional standpoint. And considering this was supposed to be inspired by Riker and Allison's contemporary, it was lacking. Even if it wasn't, it was still lacking. No perfect score there. As for the rumba, they handled it pretty well. I hated them not actually choreographing an end to it. He just kinda slid. Which okay. A lot of the instant dances were like that. He's still got feet problems. Is he pigeon toed? It might explain a lot. Yeah, he had a good night.

Ilona and Alan- I loved their quickstep. It was Ilona's best dance by far. A big critique that I have is actually for Alan. I don't think we needed to have them break hold. She was doing so well in hold and then was not as confident out of hold. It was a good decision for entertainment sake I guess. But I wanted Ilona to really stick it to us. And I believe that she could've gotten a perfect score if she was in hold for the whole dance. Their salsa was blah. I love Da Dip. But when you slow that song down that much? It sucks. And it wasn't right for a salsa. Why not use simple stuff, like Tequila or something. It's simple. It's been cleared in the past. It works. Just do that so the couples don't have to search so hard for the salsa beats.

Stephen and Rylee- I think Rylee and Stephen benefited a lot from having Mark come in. There was an ease of movement that I saw from Stephen that I saw from Stephen that I had never seen before. Mark had issues with Aly not being able to count music and I think he helped these two get Stephen over that hump. He still had some issues in that Viennese waltz where he stiffened up, maybe anticipating the next step. But he felt the music way better this time around and his technique was good outside of his frame in those moments where he got stiff. His jive was much better this time around. Still wasn't perfect, but the timing and his feet were much better.

Danny and Witney- These two definitely struggled the most with putting together 5 routines. While I think their quickstep was good, Danny started out a little behind the music and was moving a little small. As the dance went on, he settled into it more. The side by side sections were actually pretty good. He has to work on his frame and his posture. He hunches and he sticks his butt out. The jive started out as a disaster. But they ended up getting back on track and finishing strong. He should've gotten the same score as Dwight but oh well.

And that's it. Let me know your thoughts. Glad I got this out before the show started in the Mountain Zone. I'm trying y'all, but this has been a year from hell at my job. I'll talk to you all soon though and make sure you VOTE!

[pyropsychiccollector]

Natsu Harem: Fairy GET! 8/14

We're dipping into the delightful second half here~.... (人◕ω◕) You can probably prepare for more references to other girls in the harem by now... You know most of them. (人◕ω◕)

Today's member is... Seilah-chan. Goddess of the Chill Moon. Or Sayla. However you prefer to write it out. ... I'll probably slip into using Sayla, just as a head's up. :3

When did they meet?

This question is... surprisingly tricky. (人◕ω◕) I haven't really talked about this aspect of Natsu's character up until now, but we were bound to get around to it eventually. "Spoiler" alert, but Natsu isn't exactly human... He's technically Etherious. Zeref's greatest creation, his beloved brother reborn... Although to be frank, his origins weren't all that great... As wrapped up in mystery as they are.

Since the series allows me some wiggle room... Let's run with this: For the first while after Natsu was brought back to life, he lived up until young adulthood, mastering his demonic powers. Zeref, of course, was fixated on dying, and Natsu being the bullheaded guy he is... Well, the demonic genes messed with his head. He went berserk like Zeref's other demons, but it was more controlled in Natsu... In END. All he could think about was destruction, especially destroying Zeref, as was ingrained into his very being.

END would go on to round up some of Zeref's most powerful demons. He figured that since he wasn't cutting it on his own in destroying Zeref, some allies would be much appreciated... But END was no fool. Demons don't appreciate being "subjugated", even if it's for the cause that they were all designed for. If they weren't pliable to forming alliances with one another, END asserted his dominance as the greatest among them. He brought Jackal to heel. Tempester. Kyouka. Ezel. Franmalth. Torafuzar. He convinced Keyes to join up... Proved his strength to the proud Mard Geer...

And of course, END won over the femme fatale, Sayla. (人◕ω◕) She had watched him dominate so many demons... Bringing them to form one unit... And Sayla, ah... Pardon the pun, but she was rather horny for END-sama. (人◕ω◕);;;

... Oh yes, they made love. Many, many times. END might have had a one-track mind with destruction, but Sayla certainly brought out a lust in him... Oh yes. (人◕ω◕);;;

Alas, before END could get to the meat of why he established Tartaros, Zeref put his foot down. He saw the mindless destruction and suffering END and Tartaros was creating, and Zeref thought it was counterintuitive to his brother's goal... Not to mention, there was a part of the Black Wizard that was pained at seeing his brother so... evil. So twisted.

Hence, Zeref sealed away Natsu's memories and his demonic powers. Giving him a fresh start yet again, leaving the book that contained Natsu's memories and demonic powers in Mard Geer's care. Natsu still wouldn't listen to him, as a young child... After speaking at length with Igneel, Zeref left Natsu in the dragon's care, hoping that Dragon Slayer magic would bring about a more stable and focused "human being." It made Zeref feel better, watching his brother interact with the other Dragon Slayer children...

Of course, Zeref did nothing about Tartaros. Just let them be as a remnant of END's past... They were given no answers to END's disappearance, and none of them besides Mard Geer discerned why they existed in the first place. Perhaps because he became the keeper of END's book. For her part, Sayla was... devastated with the loss of her END-sama...

But time marched on. Flash forward a few hundred years, and Tartaros formed alliances with Oracion Seis and Grimoire Heart. They were still pretty aimless, save for searching for their Master, END. Eventually they would come into conflict with Fairy Tail... And they would be fatefully reunited with END-sama.

... And they didn't even know it until the war was over.

When did they get closer?

For this question, we'll skim past the Tartaros arc in general. (人◕ω◕) I wouldn't really change much. Tartaros still screwed themselves over, making enemies of Fairy Tail. Especially with the additional members in their midst that have been amassing over time... (人◕ω◕) I suppose you know about Kagura, Simon, and his friends... But more on this later.

The point is, Tartaros really screwed up. ... However... (人◕ω◕) Through a twist of fate, Mard Geer attempts opening END's book once he's defeated, and it gives Natsu some of his memories back. Just enough to know that Tartaros was his guild... And he's not letting Zeref kill Mard Geer or any of them. They're his. And nobody touches what belongs to END. (人◕ω◕) That said, Zeref re-seals Natsu's memories, but agrees to spare Mard Geer and any of the remaining Demon Gates. The Black Wizard just wants to get to that war between him, humanity, and Acnologia.

Mard Geer, Torafuzar, Jackal, Franmalth, and Sayla all survive that war with Fairy Tail. ... And it's not like they can just join up with the fairies, not after everything that happened. But because of what Mard Geer knows, they also agree to still help Natsu destroy Zeref... It's what they were built for. (人◕ω◕) And Sayla in particular, well... She might be stalk- *coughs* tagging along with Natsu during his training trip with the Strauss Siblings while the guild is disbanded. ... Without Natsu knowing, of course. ... It is not stalking. Sayla will eviscerate you if you insult her pride like that. (人◕ω◕);;; She was left in a better state after Erza beatdown Kyouka, so Mira never got to absorb Sayla. ... And, uh. Sayla might or might not be testy about Mira being around END-sama so much... (人◕ω◕);;;;;;;;;;

Regardless! \(人◕ω◕)/ Sayla reintroduces herself to END-sama while the Strauss Siblings aren't around. Sure, he doesn't remember her, doesn't even have the same powers, but that's all immaterial to Sayla. She can tell he's END-sama after being in his presence for prolonged periods, and that means everything to her. Sayla even grows fond of Natsu's... kinder personality. He's destructive still, always itching to fight, but he has so much heart. She can see flashes of END-sama in him... And she's glad that he's become this person. "This" Natsu shows her how to live, and not just to pursue a goal to death. He's not as fond of reading as END-sama... But sometimes, Sayla is lucky enough to rest his head in her lap and read to him. And Natsu rolls with that. (人◕ω◕)

... It does get interesting, though, when the Strauss Siblings inevitably discover her stalk- *coughs* tagging along with them. (人◕ω◕);;; Elfman still isn't happy about being used to make the guild blow up, and Lisanna and Mira don't much like Sayla being so... intimate with Natsu. But Natsu vouches for how she's changed, and she does let Elfman vent on her for a bit... Her actions in Tartaros might not be forgiven, but she's trying to be a better person... despite being a demon.

Mira, though... she's definitely the hardest to win over. (人◕ω◕);;; She repeatedly tries fighting Sayla to exhaustion so that she can absorb the "damned succubus", but Sayla ain't havin' any of that. (人◕ω◕);;;;;;;; Yeah. Mira and Sayla-chan are very fiery rivals. Ahaha. (人◕ω◕);;;

When did friendship turn to something more?

Unsurprisingly, Sayla-chan's feelings have been strong for two of Natsu's "lifetimes". She was devout to END-sama, and though this new Natsu took some getting used to... Put simply, Sayla-chan loves this Natsu even more. Yes, and that is love, not just plain lust. (人◕ω◕) In Alvarez arc, Natsu fights for Sayla's continued life as well... And with August's help, they rewrite her book along with Natsu's. That way, when Zeref is defeated... the only parts of them that "die" are the demonic parts. ... So in a way, Sayla and Natsu are reborn as humans. None of the other demons expressed a desire to keep on living... But Sayla helped spare them anyway, again enlisting August's expertise in rewriting their books. So Mard Geer, Jackal, Franmalth, and Torafuzar all have fresh beginnings. ... As humans. (人◕ω◕) Sayla learned this sense of mercy, compassion, and loyalty from her Natsu, and she wants to enjoy all this new human life has to offer... right by his side.

Natsu still doesn't get his old memories back. But... Sayla still becomes important to him. She really changed for the better, and he does still find her to be very beautiful, even without horns. ... To the annoyance of some people. (人◕ω◕);;;;;;;;;

Sayla-chan did butt heads with Yukino and Sorano in the beginning cuz of their contracts with Celestial Spirits... But once reborn as a human, Sayla-chan became besties with Sorano-chan. ... (人◕ω◕) More on that friendship later. But, uh. Know that they like spoiling Natsu. ... Very, very much. (人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕) Mira-chan's pissed off she can't absorb Sayla anymore... But if you think this will stop her from trying to blow the former demon away, you're very sorely mistaken. Mira-chan grumbles a lot whenever Sayla's around or when she's a topic of discussion. ... Mostly cuz of Sayla continuously asserting herself as Natsu's true first, and all that fanatical devotion to Natsu........

Yes, Mira-chan has many... many... many... words. (人◕ω◕)

[kittenadette]

Jotaro X female reader x Josuke ~Let the voice of love take you higher Chapter 10 A hostage situation

Hey there, before this begins there will be some mild swearing at the later part of this chapter but not too much.

The school day has just ended and I am talking with Koichi at the front of the school when Josuke walks up "Oh hey Koichi, Kristie. You headed home?" Josuke asked

"yeah, guess so" Koichi replied

"I am heading home" I agreed

"So we're classmates" Josuke commented

"yeah, what a coincidence" Koichi added

"A nice coincidence" I agreed

"well I'll catch you tomorrow have a good evening" Josuke stated

"Wait Josuke can you wait a moment?" Koichi requested

"huh" Josuke uttered Koichi had a question he wanted answered and we went walking down the street.

"I see you want to hear what that Jotaro guy had to say don't cha?" Josuke stated

"I can't get it out of my mind, it's happening in our backyard" Koichi confirmed

"Admirable of you to care but I'll pass" Josuke uttered

"But why?" Koichi questioned

"mm, not gonna lie, i was curious about the whole thing at first but when i thought about it. I figured it would be best to keep clear of this whole love child fiasco" Josuke replied

"How come?" Koichi inquired

"well things are fine the way they are, so in my opinion why try to fix what isn't broke" Josuke remarked

"that's understandable, a good reason to keep out of the situation" I comment

"Yeah, I get it" Koichi acknowledged just now a police car goes past us "What's going on?" Koichi wondered

"Maybe it's some kind of accident" Josuke guessed "want to go and check it out?" Josuke inquired

"Yeah" Koichi voiced

"yes let's find out" I agree

when we get close enough to hear and see what's going on we see a group of people muttering amongst themselves

"This are is not safe! You need to get back right now" A police officer instructs

"It's absolute chaos over here" Koichi commented

"Some man went to rob that convenience store and he has taken the female employee hostage" an old lady explains and giggles

"Look he's coming out!" a man calls out and he stops just out of the doors

"Freeze! Put down the knife!" one of the police officers inform the man laughs

"Just let the girl go" the other police officer instructs

"Shut up and get the hell back all of you" he demands

"Hey I recognise that lady she's been my cashier a couple of times" Koichi exclaims

"Judging by his eyes if he actually snaps he'll kill her without any hesitation" Josuke comments

"Last chance get out of my way, I'm taking the car and leaving" The man shouts

"This isn't good we have to get out of here before things get worse" Koichi stammered

"Yeah, you're probably right" Josuke agreed and I nod in agreement

"You over there, with that dumb shit hairdo" the man shouts Oh no, Josuke is going to snap, not good "I told your ass to get away from the car or do you want me to kill you" the man growled

"I have a bad feeling this is gonna get ugly" Koichi comments

"you're probably right, he insulted his hair after all" I voice and we look at Josuke and watch as Josuke walks over to the man ignoring the police in the process

"What the hell did you just say about my hair?" Josuke snarled

"I don't know who you think you are but if you don't start walking I'm going to gut her like a fish" the man demands

"get back you idiot" one of the police calls it's too late officer, he's too angry to listen right now

"if that guy snaps your a dead man" the other police officer tried

"that goes for you too, now get away" the man demanded " I've had all I'm gonna take, your all driving me crazy I'm gonna freaking do it, I'm gonna slaughter this b***h" he shouts and goes to stab her

"Oh is that a fact" Josuke states

"What the! Those two have a hole through their bodies!" Koichi uttered Josuke must be using his stand right now

"I didn't piss you off did i" Josuke starts after the hole disappears "because I should be the one who's ticked off" Josuke growled pulling the woman to safety

"But how there's not a mark on me" The woman states

"She's back to normal like before" Koichi wonders the man who held her hostage screams

"my knife's inside my body, how did my knife get inside" he panics "what did you do?" he questioned

"I suggest finding a surgeon to remove that in the prison hospital" Josuke snarled and the police run to him and cuff him

"Josuke!" Koichi uttered

"What's up Koichi?" Josuke inquires and he's back to normal

"Are you okay? that was" Koichi starts but is cut off by the man acting strange

"what is happening?" a police officer questions Don't tell me that there is a stand coming out of his mouth

"Hang on he's from the picture" Josuke shred suddenly

"huh" Koichi uttered

"what did you say water boy?" Josuke asked the police start telling Josuke off when all was done we went out separate ways and I head home.

[gomzdrawfr]

Need me a post-service Price.

Thinking about Price, Captain John Price, the special task force captain who has lived his life hard and battered with wars and achieving near-impossible victories.

All that former glory feels like a distant dream.

Something happened—an injury, a shrapnel wound coupled with ten other different reasons that forced him into early discharge. The pain, both physical and emotional, gnaws at him daily, chewing away his flesh and scratching his bones.

Medals, certificates, photos, souvenirs all feel like a joke of a past he can never reclaim, shoves them all away into boxes, leaving only the empty indents and marking lefts which somehow made the whole wall looked worse, like he was being taunted and mocked– you used to be great, you used to be that–

He never walks around that hallway again.

He never walks the same any more either–slumped, uneven– 

blames it on the surgery, something about his hip bone being dislocated or something.

It’s not like he was listening to the doctors or anyone when he laid on the hospital bed hooked to machines, with “discharged” the only word swirling and repeated in his head.

Like a broken record.

His face has weathered down by the weeks, months of sleepless nights, increased consumption of cigars (and cigarettes, begrudgingly). Red and purplish bruises he never bothered to check it out after a few fight– self initiated, needed to channel those venom elsewhere– plus those blokes deserved it (no they don't, 's just an excuse). Creases and lines deepened and sagged in his brows, eyes, those sharp bright blue eyes now clouded with nothing but anger, resentment.

Disappointment.

He feels out of place, useless, skills and experiences now but a circus trick in the civilian world. 

He doesn’t belong here, the normalcy and simplicity of civilian life.

He doesn’t deserve this.

Simple tasks and daily activities becomes a source of frustration, stumbling and hitting against corners and surfaces– walls and places with dents and holes– stains of red on wallpapers–

Bloody knuckles are the closest thing he can have compared to what he used to have.

They say once you’ve pulled your first trigger, it’s permanent– violence lives with you then, it’s in your blood, sticky and heavy like tar–

You can never get rid of it.

He bristles at the pity on others’ eyes, recoils from the well-meaning attempts of the boys (and Laswell).

“When was the last time you slept, John?” “Worry about cha, old man” “Another beer?”

Shut up– it’s too loud, everything’s loud but too quiet at the same time, the silence only amplifying his sense of isolation and self-loathing. 

Some random beeping sound ticked him off last week, leading him to break the poor lad’s phone in the grocery store, now he’s banned from there too. Great, another place off the grid–

Beer, whiskey, cigar, cigarette, static TV– did nothing to numb and dull the sharp edges of his blade. 

Broken, rusty, twisted in all the wrong direction–

He resents it, hates everything about this, trapped in the cycle of anger and self-hatred.

Price is nothing but a Captain without his followers, a fighter without a battlefield, a leader without a mission.

Simply stuck in a limbo of what could’ve been and what-ifs.

im cooking, maybe

[thusjuniperus]

anyway this year's eurovision notes for my own use next week

oh fuck yeah oh fuck yes: spain (eaea)

you know how sometimes you taste something that you're expecting to taste like something else and your body immediately rejects it out of surprise? like you're expecting something savory and you get sweet and your brain is like "what the fuck did I just put in my mouth?" I am, as ever, a mark for the pagan-folk-dubstep entries, but it took me a moment to move past "this is not how looks that trumpet": moldova (soarele şi luna)

musically compelling, and also the youtube comments from other slavic countries supporting ukraine made me emotional: czechia (my sister's crown)

liked more than expected, the eurovision tag indicates tumblr agrees with me: finland (CHA! CHA CHA, CHA CHA CHA CHA!)

enjoy listening to this, no notes: portugal (ai coração)

undecided until the spooky echoey woman noises kicked in and caught me in their grip: ukraine (heart of steel)

songs that forcibly remind me I grew up in the early 2000s nu-metal era and still unavoidably find that genre emotionally and musically compelling, 10/10 would scream along with on ipod after a hard day of school: australia (promise)

admire the vibes, admire the hustle. I... do I like this song? I can't get a grip on this song. is it longing? menacing? deliberately silly? silly but menacing? is this the queer-coded villain trope? also maybe it's about gamers? suddenly I need to buy lip gloss and doc martens: serbia (samo mi se spava)

admire the vibes, admire the hustle. song itself decent but does not strike me musically or get stuck in my head: austria (edgar allan edgar allan poe), croatia (mama kupila traktora, ŠČ!)

listenable enough to maybe be in the category of eurovision songs that don't catch me at first but then they come up on youtube autoplay all the time when I'm listening to eurovision songs at work until I like them through sheer exposure: uk, slovenia, malta, romania, poland, france, netherlands, georgia, azerbaijan, albania, belgium, norway

either ballads or bore me like ballads: estonia, italy, latvia, iceland, israel, armenia in spite of the rap interlude, lithuania, switzerland, greece, cyprus, ireland, denmark

I have not forgiven loreen for her victory in 2012. would anggun or kaliopi or, hell, can bonomo or pasha parfeny have won in her absence? no. would "nar jag blundar", one of the only eurovision ballads I really like, have somehow made it through to the final if loreen weren't there? no. does any of this ease the bitterness of my first eurovision viewing experience ending in the victory of a song that by my standards maybe barely cracked the 50th percentile of song quality that year? no: sweden

[five-rivers]

Jack-o-Lantern

Exhumed was the second winner of my poll, so here's a fairly short, fluffy piece for it!

Warning: mentions of dead bodies and past violence, none actually shown 'on screen.'

.

“Detective Patterson,” said Danny, “why did you leave five messages on my phone on a school day?” After the whole ‘I’ve been sort of dead for a couple years and also I get into massive amounts of trouble all the time through no fault of my own’ revelation, his parents had gotten the whole family cell phones.

Danny still generally preferred talking to people face to face, but he was definitely developing a slight addiction to cell phone charms.

“You didn’t listen to any of them?”

“Why would I do that when I can just call you?”

He heard a loud groan from the other side of the line.

“Oh, is Detective Collins there, too?”

“You heard that?” asked Patterson. “That’s- Okay, Collins. I’m getting there. I know we’re in a hurry. Look, how fast can you get here, Fenton?”

“That depends entirely on where you are and which one of me you want. Also, can Sam and Tucker come? We were going to hang out.”

There was a sort of staticky blaat from the other side, and the skritch skritch cha of a phone being moved, accompanied by unintelligible arguing. “Did you really just ask if you can bring your friends to what might be a crime scene?”

“Is it a crime scene?” asked Danny.

“Not yet,” said Collins.

“So?” prompted Danny. “Can I bring them?”

“You don’t respect us at all anymore, do you?”

“I respect you plenty,” said Danny, “but I like hanging out with my friends, I’m doing this for free, and there aren’t any explosions where you are.”

“You tell him, Danny,” said Sam, giving him a little fist bump, even though she was mostly watching Tucker play bootleg Tetris on his PDA.

“Just because there aren’t explosions doesn’t mean there isn’t anything dangerous,” argued Collins.

“Sure,” said Danny. “But it isn’t like they aren’t in danger all the time anyway. Ghosts attack the school, like, daily.”

“That is a terrible argument.”

“But true,” countered Danny.

“Fine, they can come. Just get here quickly.”

“I would, but you know, you still haven’t told me where you are.”

.

Danny, when touching down in a nearby alleyway, didn’t see anything particularly out of the usual. For Amity Park, that was. Except that no one was out on the streets, and there were several police cars. Still, that could be for anything. Normal things, even.

Except, they had called him.

“You don’t think it’s a dead body, do you?” he asked. “I mean, I don’t really want to see a dead body…”

“If there’s a dead body, I’ll be throwing up on you,” said Tucker, who had, as a matter of fact, been icy calm when faced with Danny’s body the first time around, and had only had a breakdown the next day. “Just, you know, as revenge. Between friends.”

“They did say it wasn’t a crime scene, right?” asked Sam.

“Yeah,” said Danny. He returned to human form. This way, he didn’t have to worry as much about people connecting Sam and Tucker to Phantom… although, that might be a lost cause. He had seen that ‘who is the ghost boy dating’ article a while back.

“So, there probably aren’t any bodies,” she said, reasonably.

“Right,” said Danny. “That makes sense. I think they were this way.”

The street they walked onto was heavily decorated for Halloween. There were skeletons and streamers, blow up monsters, orange and purple lights, spiderwebs, black cat statuettes, blood splatters, houses that almost looked really abandoned, except for the neat lawns… The neighborhood had really gone to town, especially given that this particular town was Amity Park.

Of course, there were also dozens upon dozens of jack-o-lanterns. They were lit, too, which was odd in the daytime, flickering with rainbow colors. Maybe someone was doing a Pride event?

His core chilled slightly, and a thin stream of mist emerged from between his lips. “Oh,” he said, delighted.

“Hi, Danny,” said Patterson, briskly walking over to him from where she and Collins had been observing the street. “We got the call a few hours ago, apparently a bunch of little ghosts have infes- Uh. Gone into all the Halloween decorations here.”

“Were you about to say ‘infested?’”

“Maybe,” said Patterson. “Sorry.”

“Apology accepted, please continue.”

“Anyway, after the whole ghost invasion thing where we got sent to the shadow realm-”

“Nightmare Realm,” corrected Tucker. “The Shadow Realm is completely different.”

“I was making a Yu Gi Oh reference,” said Patterson. “But people are sensitive to this kind of thing.”

“Have they done anything yet?” asked Danny.

“No, but we’ve issued an advisory,” said Collins, finally joining them. “Do you know why they’re here? Or how to get rid of them?”

“There’s not really any reason to get rid of them,” said Danny. “Wisps are mostly harmless. Here, I’ll show you.” He jogged over to the nearest jack-o-lantern and waved the others over.

“Hey, is this the best idea?” asked Tucker. “Aren’t these the guys who accidentally drugged you?”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” said Danny. “We’ve moved past that.” He knocked on the top of the pumpkin, and several wisps flew out, happily whirling around Danny. “See? They’re just little guys.”

“Great,” said Collins, “why are they here?”

“Uh, because they were invited, basically?” said Danny. “They’re will-o-the-wisps. And these are jack-o-lanterns. They’re, uh, originally, both of those were names for the same thing, and jack-o-lanterns are supposed to ward off evil spirits and represent good spirits, or house good spirits, and stuff, so…” Danny gestured vaguely.

“This is going to be a city wide thing, isn’t it?” asked Collins.

“Probably,” said Danny. “I mean, wisps are basically all over the place. They’re good little guys.”

Collins placed his hands in front of his face like he was praying. “And if the GIW come after them?”

That would be bad. Danny felt himself bristling.

“The GIW are dumb enough that we could convince them they’re just candles, as long as no one told them otherwise,” said Sam.

“Maybe sow the idea a little bit beforehand,” said Tucker. “Put an ad out for rainbow tealights, maybe?”

Collins looked at them, unamused. “And we’re going to be the ones doing most of that ‘convincing,’ aren’t we?”

“You are the adults,” said Sam, shrugging.

Danny felt himself tearing up. “You guys are the best friends,” he said.

“Oh no,” said Tucker, eyes wide. “It’s happening again.”

“What, what’s happening?” asked Patterson.

Sam pulled Danny away from the wisps. “Wisps are great,” she said, “but they can overcharge other ghosts.”

“In other words, they make Danny high,” explained Tucker.

“I’m not high this time,” protested Danny. “I can’t be grateful for good friends?”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” said Danny.

“Right,” said Collins. “Well, we’re going to give you a ride home. Patterson, you get to explain to the Fentons what happened.”

“What, why do I have to tell them that ghost drugs are a thing?”

“Because I had to tell them about the time his arm came off.”

“I still don’t get why you’re so upset about that,” said Danny, “I put it back on, like, a minute later.”

“That is, in fact, part of why we’re upset.”

“I don’t get you guys.”

[lover-of-skellies]

Came up with some dialogue for Daycare Attendant!Fresh, purely because I was bored

Some of these are based off of Sun and Moon's lines in Security Breach, and others are ones that I came up with on the spot :P

"Naughty lil dudes need ta be punished, broski."

"Sorry broseph, looks like I gotta put 'cha in time out!"

"It's past your bedtime, pal..."

"Uh oh, looks like we got a rule-breaker!"

"Sorry bud, but you're banned from da daycare!"

"No- NO! Why would ya do that, broski?! Da lights need ta stay on! I-I warned ya- I WARNED YA!"

"Don't 'cha want a puppet show? I got glitter glue! Ya like glitter glue? Googly eyes, maybe?"

"Buddy, dis area is off limits. You're gonna get us in so much trouble."

"Hey, hey, hey, brotato-chip! Are ya havin' fun yet?"

"Dere's only one rule: keep the lights ON..."

"We can finger paint, tell a bunch a' stories, drink some soda 'til our heads EXPLODE and stay up all night long!"

"Heya, there! New pal! You're up pretty late! Are we havin' a slumber party? Where'd all your friends go?"

"Are ya really tryna hide from me, kiddo?"

"C'mon out buddy, I ain't gonna hurt 'cha!"

"I'd appreciate it if ya wouldn't put your sticky lil hands on me, pal. Deez are my new threads, after all! Ya wouldn't wanna ruin 'em, would ya?"

"Hey, hey, hey! Before ya go on da slides, ya should go clean up first! Nobody likes an icky slide!"

"Clean up, clean up! Time ta clean up your mess, kiddo!"

"What are ya doin' here, brotato-chip? It's super late, shouldn't ya be home right now?"

"What do ya think you're doin', bud? Ya can't go back there."

"I asked ya nicely not ta go back there, it's only fair that 'cha listen ta me."

"I thought I told ya ta keep the lights on! Now look what 'cha did!"

"Uh oh spaghetti-o! Language like dat isn't allowed in da daycare, buddy!"

"Ya really shouldn't curse around kids, y'know! Cursin's a pretty unrad habit!"

"Cursin's a pretty unrad habit, and I think it's time we showed ya how ta break it."

"Oops! Looks like we broke dat habit, alright... And maybe a few other things, too."

"Don't make me call for security, bro. Trust me, ya don't want dat."

[raphael-simp]

Two Years Ago - Raph x Reader

You never liked talking much.

Never really knew why, you just didn't. Of course, you would still carry a conversation to be polite, but the answers were short and spoken barely above a whisper. There were many times where you tried to change this about yourself, but the attempt didn't last for more than five minutes before you shrunk back into yourself again.

Then how the hell were you friends with four, loud and rowdy mutant teenage boys?

You didn't even know the answer to that one.

And to be honest, the memory of how you met the four of them was still slightly hazy. Of course, Donnie told you what had happened to you, but you personally didn't believe it. Why would robot alien beings want to kidnap a random girl walking home from her night shift? It still didn't make sense to you, nearly two whole years after it happened.

You were fourteen going on fifteen when you first met the four.

You worked at the convenience store not even two blocks from your apartment building, and you had switched shifts with your co-worker Abbigail so she could attend a funeral, which meant you now had the night shift.

It wasn't that big of a deal to you; she asked, you agreed, nothing more was said on the matter.

You texted your parents to inform them of the shift change and told them not to wait up for you, which they obviously denied much to your annoyance.

The shift ended at ten o'clock, but you still needed to do till and make sure the money count on the register matched with what you'd counted. That process alone took you about half an hour, so you really didn't leave until ten thirty. You made sure you switched off all the lights and locked all the entrances before you put the store keys in your jacket pocket and began your short walk home.

It was nearing winter, so the weather was beginning to turn cold, and you weren't exactly the best at dealing with temperature drops. You stood tensed as you speed walked towards your apartment building, wanting to get out of the darkness as fast as you could. There was one building near the end of the street that you almost always completely ran past; a run down looking, white parking garage with the paint peeling and chipping everywhere. It creeped you the hell out, mostly because there were always these two guys that stood at the old entrance, their stare boring into your back as you'd run past. Every day you expected them to run after you or shoot at you, but they never did anything.

Until tonight.

When you looked you didn't see them anywhere, and although you thought it would soothe you, it just made you more anxious.

'Where are they...?' You thought to yourself, nervously glancing around, trying to find the two.

Let's just say you didn't have too look far.

A large white van came screeching around the corner, running over the curb and nearly into you before it lurched to a halt. The back doors flew open and three identical looking men filed out and made their way towards you. In fact, they looked like the men that would always watch you at the entrance to the parking garage...

You literally froze. You didn't scream, move or look away until one picked you up and threw you over his shoulder. After that, you screamed absolute bloody murder, praying you'd get the attention of someone- anyone -that could do something to help you. Thankfully, help came rather quickly, just not in the way you thought.

You fought as hard as you could to at least get the man to slightly falter his grip around you; you punched, kicked, pounded- you even bit him, but it hurt you more than him.

You flailed like a fish out of water and kept screaming, even louder if possible as you got carried closer and closer to the back of the van.

Your voice was cut off when you landed harshly on the ground, trying to use your hands to catch yourself but only hurting yourself even more. You were a shaking mess, trying so hard not to cry but suspectingly failing, bursting into tears and sitting down properly, hugging your knees tightly to your chest as you cried into them. You were absolutely terrified out of your skull.

When someone tried to touch you, you screamed again, though it came out more as a strangled cry than anything else. You'd hurt your throat badly from all of your screaming and had no doubt lost your voice because of so.

"Well we can't just leave her crying in the streets, dudes. We gotta do something!"

You heard hushed voices talking a bit in front of you, but didn't bother to look up or fight. You wouldn't do that unless they actually did something, and that was what you were waiting for.

You cried to yourself, waiting to either calm down or for whoever was in front of you to do... whatever.

But they never did anything, they were quiet for the forty five minutes you were crying and calming yourself down.

"You're gonna be okay, alright?"

You slightly looked up from your knees, and honestly at this point, four giant turtles standing in front of you didn't phase you right now.

One of them was kneeling in front of you, it was wearing a tattered red mask and looking directly at you, with electrifying green eyes.

It looked up at one of the others, but you didn't bother to follow his gaze, your eyes were too tired.

"Don, do you need t' look at 'er?"

"I don't see anything major wrong with her, I think it's just shock right now... to be safe I wanna take a look at her, if she'll let us of course."

It looked back at you, the one with the red mask, and you did your best to keep your eyes open and listen to what he had to say. You were just so tired...

"My brother wants t' take a look at 'cha t' make sure ya weren't hurt too bad durin' that whole thing, okay? You alright with that?"

You barely nodded your head and lied it on your knees, involuntarily passing out.

When you woke up after that, you started freaking out and tried to scream, but found you barely had a voice. You were achy and sore all over and you could barely remember why.

Of course, you properly freaked out when you saw the four turtle figures again, but the ones in red and purple- who were the only ones in the room with you at the time- explained everything that had happened.

Donnie had picked up radio chatter that the Kraang were going to abduct another test patient that night, and the turtles rushed to the location that was shared, and ended up there just in time to help you and destroy the Kraang bots.

You hadn't been too badly hurt; bruised arms and shins from pounding on the metal robots, scraped hands, scraped knees, and a possible emotional blackout, to explain why you didn't remember what had happened to you.

You merely nodded along, trying not to stare too much at the two creatures in front of you, who introduced themselves as Raphael and Donatello.

"(Y-Y/N)...." you stuttered out, thinking that they at least deserved to know your name, after all they've done. Your voice was barely above a whisper, so the boys had to listen carefully to hear your name.

Raph and Donnie smiled, glad to hear that you at least trusted them to that extent.

You asked what time it was, and nearly flipped shit when Donatello told you it was almost 1:30 in the morning. Your parents were going to absolutely lose their minds on you! You scrambled to stand up and nearly fell over, thankful that Raphael had caught you.

"I-I need to get h-home." You breathed out, avoiding eye contact and trying to hide your face behind your (H/C) hair, to hide the fact you were red. Why you were red-faced?

You had no clue.

"I'll take ya. There ain't no way in hell you're goin' alone after this." Raphael stated, standing you back up on your own two feet. You would've fought him on it, had you not have agreed with him. If those Kraang guys still wanted you...

you didn't want to be left alone again. So you just nodded and let him walk you out. You didn't see the other two brothers while you walked out, so you assumed they were somewhere else.

Raphael led you around the systems of the sewer and helped you out of the manhole cover, and once out you took a deep breath of fresh air and closed your eyes in an attempt to clear your thoughts.

"I know you've had a rough night doll face, but we should probably get going."

Your eyes snapped open and you felt your face go warm, and instinct brought you to hide your face with your hair and jacket sleeve. You avoided his gaze and just nodded, speed walking to the sidewalk until you realized:

You had no idea where you were.

"Wh-where are we...?" You wheezed out, slightly turning to face Raphael.

"Just a couple blocks from where we found ya. We gotta take the roofs though... can't really walk out in th' street lookin' like I do."

You nearly asked why until it hit you like a brick. Again, you just nodded and climbed up the fire escape after him. You took notice how some of the roofs were pretty far apart, and hoped to God he didn't expect you to jump over them. Thankfully he didn't, and tried to stick to a route that involved just taking a step across. But for those that involved jumping, he just lifted you onto his shell and jumped across before setting you back down again.

Each time he did so he'd ask if you were okay, and you nodded in response hiding your face. And each time, he'd smile and mutter a small "cute," under his breath, which he didn't know you heard.

Once he brought you to where he and his brothers had found you, he told you to lead the way to your apartment, and you pointed him in the right direction. "So," he started, "Kinda wish we coulda met under better circumstances, (Y/N)."

You nodded in response, keeping your gaze down and stepping over a wooden plank. How the hell'd that get there?

"...You're shy, aren't cha?" Raphael asked, and again you nodded. Not only that, it hurt to talk, but he assumed correctly. He chuckled and lightly nudged your shoulder with his.

"Ya don't gotta be 'round me, I don't bite... much."

You looked up at him with both confusion and shock written all over your face, and it just made him laugh.

"Relax (Y/N), I'm kidding... just a little though."

You rolled your eyes, and yet you couldn't help the small smile that danced across your face.

The both of you walked Ina comfortable silence until you saw your apartment building across the street and elbowed Raphael's arm, pointing to it.

"This is my stop." You whispered, not daring to bring your voice above that. He nodded and hoisted you onto his shell, having to go around the roof tops to avoid going down to the streets. He set you down on your apartment roof, once again asking if you were okay.

"I'm fine, Raphael." You responded, pushing your hair behind your ear. He smiled at you and slightly tilted his head.

"Call me Raph, doll face."

You bit the inside of your lip and looked down, nodding your head. You didn't want him to see your warm and red face, it was extremely embarrassing for you.

"Hey," Raph's voice made you slightly look up, since he wanted your attention. He handed you a folded piece of paper with a number scribbled on it- wait, was this his phone number? Was a guy giving you his phone number? To your face?

"You don't gotta, but if ya don't wanna walk home alone again I'm available if ya need it."

You completely lifted your head to look Raph directly in the face, and he took pride in one thing; making you smile like that. You have him a single nod and held the paper with both hands.

"Trust me, I will.. Raph."

Now it was his turn to smile.

The two of you just stood on the roof for a couple minutes, staring and smiling at each other before something on his belt beeped. He jumped a bit in surprise and glanced at it.

"That's my brothers- I gotta go. You'll be okay?" He asked, taking a small step back.

You nodded, putting the paper in your pocket. "I'm home now. Go."

His smile grew and he backed up towards the edge of the roof.

"Try not t' get into trouble doll face! Just save a little to give me an excuse t' save ya again!" He shouted, just before jumping to the roof next to yours and taking off, eventually disappearing.

"I think I like that. Doll face..." you thought to yourself, still smiling like an idiot. You stood on your roof for God knows how long more before you came to your senses and carefully climbed down your fire escape and slid through your window.

.

"Was that really two years ago...?" You thought to yourself, flipping a pen between your fingers.

Yup. It was.

Two years ago these four boys saved your life, and two years ago you met the boy that kinda saved you, in a way.

It took him time, but he got you to slowly expand your comfort zone. You didn't stutter every time you spoke anymore, and you didn't respond with simple gestures anymore and used actual words that really carried a conversation. And at the same time, you helped him.

You kinda found out about his anger the hard way, having him lash out at you when he was beyond pissed off, and though it did hurt, you didn't blame him. In fact, you made it your goal to try and help him with it.

He'd expressed to you before how he'd never liked his short temper, and so you helped him. You showed him ways that he could release stress and repressed emotions, like actually using his drum kit and playing when he got pissed, or just sitting with you and either talking, or just sitting in silence.

Coming up in December would actually be a year since Raph had asked you out, too.

It didn't really come as a surprise to most, since the both of you were pretty open about affection with each other even before you two decided to make it official, just because.

The two of you would always sit close together, hold each other's hand, cuddle each other and he'd even kiss your cheek every now and again. Every movie night, you bet that the two of you would sit or lie with each other, and Raph would play with your hair or lightly trace an invisible pattern on your arm.

All in all, it wasn't really a surprise to Raph's brothers, April or Casey when he'd asked you out. The only person it surprised was you, but even then you'd accepted in a heartbeat.

And to this day, he still calls you doll face.

Two years later, the boy's nearly eighteen and you the same, you've found a new family.

And a new love.

"(Y/N), doll face, cmon we're headin' out with or without ya!" You rolled your eyes and smiled, shoving the pen in your jean pocket and getting up, grabbing your jacket.

"Yeah yeah, I'm coming Raph!" You called, walking out of his room and slipping your arms through your jacket sleeves as you jogged out to the entrance to meet the boys.

About a year ago, after you'd actually learned how to properly, they let you join along on some of their patrols. Raph made you carry a small dagger though. Just in case you got separated and something happened to you.

Speak of the devil, he heard you coming up behind him and turned around smiling. He extended his arm to you, waiting for you to end up at his side before putting his arm around your waist and pulling you close to his side, kissing the top of your head.

"All ready and fashionably late, doll face?"

You scoffed and rolled your eyes, shoving him while failing to hide a smile of your own.

"Shaddup Raph, I was doing important things." You said, zipping your jacket up.

He just chuckled and raised his arms in mock defence.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry baby." He said, lightly pressing his lips to the side of your head and cheek in chaste kisses. You turned your head at the last second to catch his lips in a quick kiss. While he smiled and put an arm around your shoulders, Mikey mock gaged.

"Yup, think I'm gonna hurl-" he said, making a queasy face. Raph reached out with his free hand and punched his baby brother in the shoulder.

"Oh shut it Mike, not like ya don't see it regularly." Mikey hit Raph's arm back, which quickly escalated into an arm punching war. You tried not to laugh too much, looking over to Leo and Donnie, who were trying to do the same thing.

"Alright alright alright guys, that's enough!" Leo called, laughing a bit to himself.

"We gotta get going before it gets too late, we gotta take (Y/N) home by midnight. Let's move out!"

With those words, the five of you took off running towards your normal exit to the top world.

//////

gUIS IM IN ABSOLUTE L O V E WITH THIS ONE SHOT I LOVED WRITING IT SO GOD DAMNED MUCH AAAAAHHHHHHHH

PS THIS WAS WRITTEN AT LIKE 11 pm - 2:30 am SOOOOOOOOO

[bubblesandgutz]

Every Record I Own - Day 763: Modest Mouse The Lonesome Crowded West

I started listening to Modest Mouse after playing a show with them back in ‘96. In the nearly 27 years since then, my attention span with regards to their output has ebbed and flowed. They were a prolific band back in the day, releasing double albums in both ‘96 and ‘97, while also releasing five EPs and singles in that two-year period. I was a broke college student at the time, too poor to buy any records, so my fandom really just consisted of listening in on my housemates’ spins of their records. I loved some of those early 7″s and I loved the debut album, but when a copy of The Lonesome Crowded West wound up in our house, I found myself retreating to my basement room to throw on His Hero Is Gone or whatever else it was I was obsessing over at the time. 

This wasn’t a deliberate slight on The Lonesome Crowded West. The barked vocals and mangled guitar work on album opener “Teeth Like God’s Shoeshine” should’ve been right up my alley. But I was generally more drawn to their fractured down-and-out pop songs, and the new album seemed more like drunk and rowdy indie rock. It would be a few years before I heard a new Modest Mouse song that drew me back into their world. 

But The Lonesome Crowded West was the album where the band went from being local heroes to national darlings of the bespectacled sweater-clad punks. If you lived in a college town or a decently hip part of a bigger city, you probably heard Modest Mouse in coffee shops and bars. Friend’s houses. Record stores. Over the PA between bands at venues. 

I bought this 2xLP when it was reissued in 2014 because I had heard bits and pieces of it out in public over the years, and its charms were beginning to grow on me. I loved the ominous spaghetti western twang of “Cowboy Dan” and the bittersweet nostalgic pop of “Trailer Trash.” It was still a daunting record in length and it still felt a bit more ferocious than what I ultimately craved from the band, but I was glad to have the album in my collection.

I’ve now thrown on The Lonesome Crowded West more since the passing of Jeremiah Green than I ever did in years past. It’s been scratching a very similar itch to Dead Moon, a band that’s been sorta unavoidable here in the Northwest the last few decades. Dead Moon always seemed like they belonged to a different, older crowd. But once I started listening to their albums on my own a few years ago, I realized how many of the songs I recognized from hanging out at the Cha Cha Lounge or record shopping at Singles Going Steady or waiting for the next band to go on at The Comet. It sounded like being young and living in my first apartment on Capitol Hill. Like Dead Moon, The Lonesome Crowded West wasn’t a part of my private soundtrack, but it was certainly a part of my public life. 

Nostalgia can be a poison, but it can also keep us tethered to some aspect of our youth. And that reminder can help keep us in touch with some side of ourselves that isn’t quite as cynical or browbeaten by the world around us. At the very least, it can remind us of a time where we didn’t worry about our peers passing away in the blink of an eye. We were young and careless and going through the growing pains of entering adulthood, and while I don’t want to pretend that they were easy times, they certainly weren’t without a sense of wonder, freedom, and possibility. 

[papergirllife]

First Love

Lucas Wong / Yukhei

"They say first love is a special experience that one would always hold a special place in your heart. Wong Yukhei was your first love in high school, but along the way, you had to say goodbye to him in order for him to achieve his dream of becoming a star in Korea. Yet fate and destiny plays its role in paving the two of you an intersection once more, will the two of you and up together at the very end?"

Warnings : smut, unprotected sex, mild angst, a child (pregnancy not described), tooth rotting fluff (all in that order, kinda)

A/N : this is one of my most heavily devoted works I've ever written, so please, of you're comfortable, drop a feedback to tell me if you guys like this writing style, thank you!

Lucas Wong of NCT and most importantly his own fixed unit, Wayv, the man who garners attention and love wherever he goes, that dazzling smile is sure to be captured by numerous cameras of awaiting fans.

But to you, Lucas was never Lucas, to you he was Yukhei, and more significantly, your ex from high school. Yukhei was your first love, you remember when the two of you had first met in Year 9, Yukhei was known for being a class clown and more of a klutz, girls would always have a soft spot for him even if they didn't like him in that way.

Yukhei was your desk mate for Year 10, the thing got you on your nerves about him was that he never took group assignments seriously, and was never at school on time, his uniform was wrinkly from rushing out of his house to catch the bus and always had a stationary missing, which means he had to borrow yours.

You never hated him, hate is a strong word, things were very neutral with him, most times, he unintentionally annoys you, but he'd always make up to you by bringing you a small bottle of apple juice the next day. The only time the two of you really fought was when he had not spoken up when his friends snatched your book away from yours to copy you off, brushing it off as a small matter.

You were quite an immature person back then, and no one can blame you, you were just a teenager, and being said that, you had refused to lend Yukhei a ruler when the math teacher did a pop quiz, so he had to use the dust pan as no one, other than you that is, brings an extra ruler.

It's not your fault, you thought back then, he shouldn't have depended on you to bring his share of stationaries. The next day, you walked into class to see his group of friends waiting at your desk to apologize to you, and as for Yukhei, he had yet again brought you a bottle of apple juice, with the addition of your favourite bar of Cadbury.

It was only in Year 11 when Yukhei had confessed to you, saying that all those annoying things he did to you were just to catch your attention, of all the girls he could've liked, he chose the one who was the most unattainable, go figure.

The next year, when the two of you were looking to apply to the same college, Yukhei broke the news to you that he'd be packing his bags for Korea, that the audition he had joined just for fun accepted him as a trainee in a large entertainment company in Korea that everyone in Hong Kong knows, SM.

At first you didn't approve of his decision, that his education was important as well, that he had a life here, with you. But Yukhei had given very valid reasons to you, that he wouldn't have passed the college entrance exams if it weren't for your tuitions until late at night in the public library, that he didn't really have an interest in studying. His most valid reason was that he didn't want to take a toll on you when you’re in college, he can't have you sacrifice your sleep and attention for him just to have him attain passing grades.

So you let him go, saying your last farewell to him at the airport as his girlfriend and ex girlfriend.

That was the last time you saw him, choosing to not stay in contact with him as you poured your soul into university life, studying like your life depends on it, you had a few boyfriends here and there, nothing serious, nothing that made you felt like your first love. Maybe you had trouble moving on, or maybe it was just stress, you thought back then, shrugging the thought off casually before diverting your attention else where, this cycle carried on until you came out to work.

Fast forwarding to March of 2019, you had unintentionally came across of a news online that Yukhei had finally been placed in his own fixed unit that would be promoting and performing in Chinese, which isn’t surprising, even the Thai member, Ten, was of Chinese heritage. What made your eyes widen was the fact that they were coming to Hong Kong.

At the day of the fan meet, you had took the day off from your boring low paying job at the law firm, so much for studying your ass off for bar exams, you’re just filing on a daily basis.

Before the day of the fan meet, you had lived off of instant cup noodles for a few weeks just to buy the album and their light stick. When you first listened to the album, you were proud of Yukhei’s rapping skills, you still recall the days when he’d struggle with his mandarin oral tests, the teachers there must be much better than you for him to improve so much, smiling fondly at the old memories.

You waved the light stick and sang along just like the other fans beside you, mesmerised by the performance that the boys are putting up, but your eyes were mostly on Yukhei, you would’ve never thought the once clumsy giant like him would dance as fluidly, executing the moves just as well as the other smaller sized members.

You watch as Yukhei introduces himself and his non Cantonese members in his mother tongue, a feeling of familiarity settling into your mind.

You are quite a confident person, but queuing up to the long table where Yukhei sat at the corner was nerve wrecking to you, what would he say to you? Would he recognise you? It hasn't been that long, but the two of you had done some changes to your looks.

The other members had greeted you with a friendly smile and a few casual questions like have you eaten, but they seem a bit taken aback by the lack of fan girl attitude that most of the fans in front of you had.

When you had got to Yukhei, he had dropped his marker on the floor, his head ducked out of sight to retrieve it, but when he came up to apologise, the words were stuck in his throat, as his eyes opened as wide as saucers. He coughed to mask the surprise on his face.

“Hi, how are you?” He asked as he took your album into his hands, scribbling something down.

“Good, how have you been?” although his hair is coloured, his eyes had contacts, and he wasn't in his messy uniform, the smile on his face never changed.

“Great, it's nice to see you,” to other fans and the staff beside him, they might think it's just one of the standard answers, but you knew Yukhei like the back of your hand, registering the twinkle in his eyes.

Soon, he had placed the album back into your hands, your fingers grazing gently as tiny sparks flew up your tips, eyes never breaking contact until the staff tells you to leave.

When you had sat down at a nearby cafe to get a cup of coffee, you took out your album and flipped to the page where Lucas had written something.

‘Hilton hotel, 9pm,' and his number under it.

At nine sharp, you waited by the hotel’s sitting area, not many people at that time as usually stores in Hong Kong open rather late, patiently you waited for Yukhei. Just as you were scrolling through posts on Instagram, a tall figure approached you.

A call of your name rolled off his tongue naturally, a wave of nostalgia hitting the both of you.

“I bought you a little something before I got here,” you said as you stood up, letting him guide you to the elevators.

“What is it?” Yukhei lets out a flustered laugh, scratching the back of his nape when he realised he didn't get you anything in return.

“Roast goose and Cha Siew, are they still your favourite?” you asked, hoping his taste hasn’t changed over the years.

“Yeah, man, I remember how we'd always get quarter of both after school at Uncle Chan’s,” Yukhei said, remembering how the boss of the restaurant had hung a photo of two of you on the wall, deeming the two of you his most loyal lovebirds.

“This is from Uncle Chan’s,” you told him as you followed him into his room, looking around, expecting him to be rooming with someone.

“Don't worry, I told Yang Yang to sleep with Ten for the night,” Yukhei said when he saw you looking for someone.

“Oh, that's really nice of him,” you said as you set out the food, the smell of Hong Kong's famous delicacies wafting in the air.

“Man, I really missed this,” Yukhei said as he pulls the arm chair that was a few feet away close to the desk, directing you into it and situating himself in the not so comfortable wooden chair.

“I missed this too,” you said mindlessly, eyes avoiding his before you ate a piece of meat.

“I missed you too,” Lucas confessed, yes there are many pretty girls in his industry, and Korea itself, but no one would be able to replace you, you were his rock all his life, other than his family of course, it's hard to build a connection with someone just as strong when things between the two of you never really ended, in a way.

Leaving on too good terms and without much closure for both of you kept one another thinking of each other. The two of you know, that after tonight, things would go back to normal, Yukhei would be Wayv’s Lucas, and you’d remain as his past, there would never be an outcome from whatever happens tonight.

So when the two of you were recalling memories and troubles the two of you got in school on the oh so comfortable bed, you couldn't help it, hooking a leg over Yukhei’s waist, just like how it started at the night of the graduation party, the night where the two of you lost your virginities to each other.

“I’d be gone tomorrow, we shouldn’t, I shouldn't do this to you,” Yukhei said, a firm believer that it's always the girl that is on the losing side, like he's taking an advantage of you, ever the gentleman.

“I want this for myself, Yukhei, it's not like it's our first time,” you said, trying to convince him.

“I still feel guilty about our first time, I left a few months later after that night, and tomorrow would be the same, I'll be leaving you once more,” Yukhei said as his big hands caressed your cheeks, eyes wide like a puppy, pupils reflecting an image of you, a perfect representation of his universe, you.

“I don't care, I’ve moved on from you as your girlfriend all those years ago, moving on from you after tonight won't be a challenge for me,” you said in a firm tone, one that Yukhei knows all too well, he knows you won't give up when you sound like this.

He could possibly break two hearts if he chooses to act on his impulses, but he missed this, he missed you, and so he threw all caution out of the window when he smashed his lips desperately against yours, chewing on your bottom lip with little force, it was something that would easily get you worked up back then, and to his delight, it still worked, letting him dominate the kiss easily, he let his tongue slid in your mouth, tasting the beer the two of you had just now with a mixture of strawberry lip gloss, you were still using the Nivea one you used all those years ago, this only fuelled his desire for you, his hands leaving your cheeks to locate your waist, pulling you closer to him.

When you were out of air, you broke off the kiss, reaching the hem of your shirt to pull it off, then waiting a few seconds for Yukhei to admire the red lace on your skin before unclasping your bra, letting your blossoms free, all the while as Yukhei looks on, like he was in a trance.

“I missed these,” he commented before taking a mound into his mouth, sucking on your nipple diligently while his other hand comes up to roll it in between the pads of his fingers, the pleasure from the action making you throw your head back, a slip of his name in between your whimpers.

You let Yukhei push you back, letting you fall onto his bed, you felt his hands wander up your skirt, his huge hands around your thighs, squeezing the flesh in his palms, feeling you, but stopped when he reached the hem of your panties, detaching himself from your chest, looking at you for confirmation.

You nodded at him, putting your hand over his to guide him higher, stopping at the curve of your cheek, pushing his hand beneath the clothe, dangerously close to your core, heck he could even feel your arousal already, eyes rolling back at the thought of getting you so worked up.

“Take it off, but you can leave the skirt, for old time’s sake,” you said.

Yukhei looked at you, confused at what you’re trying to say, until he realised you were wearing a pleated checkered skirt, just like the ones you wore back in high school, memories of the two of you sneaking around, having a quickie with your skirt flipped up immediately made blood rush southwards at the thought.

“Fuck, you expected this to happen?” Yukhei asked, shaking his head in disbelief, he was always the troublemaker at school, but oh how the tables have turned now.

“Didn't you?” you asked before getting up to put yourself in a doggy position, shaking your butt, taunting him.

Yukhei chuckled to himself before doing as you say, taking off your panties to reveal your slick covered pussy, dripping wet for him on display.

Yukhei spreads you open by pulling your cheeks apart to lick a stripe up your slit, making you shudder at the warm muscle that was intruding but very much welcomed.

Yukhei allowed himself to fully stuff his face there, inserting his tongue into your core, thrusting the wet muscle at a moderate pace before adding a finger to the mix, then two, stretching you open to let his tongue delve deeper inside, he then adds a third finger, the fullness finally hitting you, soon he did a come hither movement once he had located your sweet spot, his tongue and fingers rubbing against the roof of your walls deliciously, you would’ve lost your balance if it weren't for his hand supporting you by your left hip.

The constant pleasure that Yukhei so willingly inflicted upon you would've soon come to an euphoric end if he hadn’t halted all movement, pulling out his tongue and his fingers, which made you whine his name pathetically, something you wouldn't have done if it weren't for the fact that your mind was reduced to a ball full of cotton.

“Chill, I worked you up so I wouldn't hurt you with my dick,” Yukhei said as he positions himself at your entrance, his hand coming up to your face to tilt your head to his direction, zeroing on your lust filled eyes and the plump of your lips, swollen because of him.

“Are you sure you want this?” Yukhei asks you one last time.

“Yes, please,” you said, pushing yourself back to lightly grind on his length, a little bit of your arousal getting onto his cock, his dick getting so hard it's starting to hurt.

“Ever so eager, aren't you?” Lucas said before biting his lip at the sight.

“Just put it in!” you whined, tired of his teasing.

“Okay, okay,” Yukhei said before bracing himself for your tight walls, he's never nervous when it comes to others, but you? You always held a special place in his heart.

Yukhei spreads your cheeks once more before aligning himself to slip in an inch, eyebrows furrowing at how tight you were, he could tell you were clenching up, just like you did the first time when you were nervous.

So he bends down to your back, placing gentle kisses along your right shoulder blade.

“Don’t tense up, there’s nothing to be nervous about, we did this before remember?” Yukhei said in his most gentle tone ever, you nodded your head at his words, adjusting yourself to let yourself lose in the comfort of his touch, reminding yourself that although it's been a long time since you had someone as big as him, you’ll be fine in his hands.

Once Yukhei felt yourself unclench, he pushes in furthermore, you felt yourself arching your back to allow him to fit himself easier, before he comes to a halt, you felt so full, you haven't felt this way in such a long time, it was somewhat overwhelming, but it's the most complete feeling ever, a feeling you've never felt with any other.

The initial stretch was slightly painful of course, but the pain soon turned into pleasure, and being the gentleman Yukhei is, waited for you despite the huge urge to move, waiting for your green light.

When you told him he could move, he felt like the gates of heaven just opened, pulling out slightly to give you a shallow thrust, just to test the waters.

Even with that experimental thrust, you felt like you had a taste of heaven, eager to drown yourself in this new found pleasure that you were once so familiar with.

Yukhei grasped his large hands onto your hips, setting a moderate pace, still restraining himself from snapping his hips, but from how much slick you were dripping, soon you'd be begging for more.

Once you felt yourself familiarise with his big cock, the pace that Yukhei had set wasn’t enough, you wanted him to let loose, you wanted him to rail you, be damned if you can’t walk tomorrow.

So in the midst of all the pleasure, you let out two desperate words breathlessly, “ruin me”.

Yukhei had to do a double take, pausing his movements entirely just to check if that was his mind messing with him or it was really you, but one look at your desperate face, revealed to him that was in fact your words.

Yukhei allowed the animalistic side of him to take over, holding onto your hips that would sure leave bruises the next day, but you didn’t mind, not when you felt a sudden surge of pleasure coursing through your body. He angled your body higher, arching your back for easier access, thrusting harder and faster.

You could only submit yourself to him as your toes curled and your fingers dig into the linen sheets, you’re sure if his members were next door, they'd be able to hear every single sound you make, the sound of your ass cheeks clapping against Yukhei’s hips and your high pitched moans were flowing freely, but you didn't care, not when this could be the last time you'd ever be with Yukhei.

Soon, you could feel yourself getting closer to the edge, your legs were trying their best not to fail you, and you could tell your arms were getting sore from propping yourself up as the cord in your abdomen threatened to snap, you panted out the word ‘close’, and Yukhei immediately understood, fucking into you at an inhuman pace, you could feel yourself losing your mind as spit drips from your mouth, sanity slowly slipping away from you as you felt your impending orgasm, it started from the tip of your toes, your body convulsing as you screamed his name, succumbing into the pleasure, your core bursting, the strongest orgasm you've ever felt, making your whole body sag in defeat as you let Yukhei help you ride out your orgasm.

Just when you thought it was all over, Yukhei gently flipped you over, and that’s when you realised he hasn’t cum, so you lifted your legs higher to let him enter you once again, he was using you like his personal doll, and you love it a little bit too much to be considered normal, you struggled to keep your eyes open as you fought through the slight pain from the overstimulation, hearing Yukhei’s mumble of appreciation and endearments.

“Can you give me one more, babe? Just one more,” Yukhei said before circling his fingers around your clit, making your eyes snap open when you realise he wants you to cum once more, your hands coming up to push his hand away, but his other hand grasped onto yours.

“Just one more, please,” Yukhei begged with those puppy eyes of his, and how could you say no?

So you stopped struggling, nodding your head at his request before he quickens the pace of his hips and the ministrations on your clit.

Soon, you could feel Yukhei’s cock swelling inside you before he let out a groan of your name, thrusting in one last hard thrust before he painted your walls white, his lips capturing yours to silent you as you came once more, your nails digging into his shoulders, your eyes fluttering shut as you felt Yukhei ride out both your highs.

Once he was done, Yukhei crashed onto the bed beside you, his arms wrapping around yours, kissing your lips to distract you as he pulled out, hopping into the attached bathroom to bring out two towels, taking off your skirt before he gently cleans you up, when he was done he wiped the juices you left on him, your eyes growing big when you knew it was from when you squirted on him.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise I squirted,” you mumbled behind the hands that you had covering your embarrassed face.

Yukhei laughed at the cute sight, throwing the towel aside before climbing into bed again, removing your hands away from your face, kissing you deeply before looking at you in the eye.

“I loved it,” he said before pulling you closer, and almost instantly, you were lulled to sleep by the beating of his heart.

When you woke up, Yukhei was still snoring beside you, sleeping like a baby, you gently removed his hand from your waist, stepping out of the bed before gathering your clothes, putting them on, smoothing out the creases of your skirt.

Walking to the door, you glanced around once more at the sight of him, your heavy heart begging you to stay, to talk, and so you walked over to the night stand, ripping a piece of paper of the note pad and grabbing the pen next to it.

‘Goodbye and thank you for everything.’

You placed the piece of paper beside him on his pillow before kissing his forehead as a parting gift, closing the door as softly as you could when you left.

You knew this was the right thing to do, you made this decision once when he left for Korea the first time, you can't be in his way this time around, not when he's this far into his career, you can’t be selfish, he belongs on this path, he deserves it and you’re not going to take it away from him, you've stood on the side-lines all this time, he shed the limelight on you for one night, and that's all you should have, he's better off without you.

Yukhei felt himself grow cold when he couldn't feel the warmth of your body, jerking up to check if you were in the bathroom, only to find the door wide open, the room empty.

That's when he had spotted the piece of paper with your goodbye message, his heart clenching in pain, crashing onto the bed once more.

He didn't know what to expect, you had sent him off once, and now you left him without saying goodbye. He thought he could at least say goodbye.

Pushing his thoughts away, he gathered his things, packing up to leave for Korea.

His members could tell something was terribly off, they thought he was just in it for a casual hook up, but his expression tells otherwise.

The usual cheerful Yukhei was nowhere to be found, which meant Yang Yang and Hendery had to keep the mood light throughout the journey home, everyone knew to not say anything, only speaking when crucial.

It took Yukhei quite a while for him to get back to his goofy self, but even then, Kun, being the most observant one, saw a tightness in his smile, a faraway look in his eyes, whoever he had seen that night must've meant a lot to him, but he dare not to press, he knows Yukhei would open up when he's ready.

It was a normal Tuesday night when he had received a request to face time from you, without thinking much of it, excited to hear from you, he accepted, your beautiful face coming into view as he got comfortable on his bed.

“Hey, this is unexpected,” Yukhei said, not knowing what else to say.

“Yukhei, there’s something I need to tell you,” you said, eyes avoiding his.

“Yeah, what's up?” he asked, rubbing his nape, a habit he does whenever he's nervous.

“I'm um, I’m pregnant,” you said, choosing to not beat around the bush.

You could see Yukhei's face pale when he processed your words. Is it his? It's definitely his, it's almost a month since the two of you slept together, unless you slept with someone else?

“It's mine?” a dumb question, but he needs to know for sure.

“Yeah,” you said before the two of you come to a piercing silence.

“You could get an abortion, maybe?” Yukhei suggested after contemplating in his head, there’s no way he could be in the child’s life, and that's the best option for your sake, raising a child in Hong Kong is the most expensive thing to do, equivalent to buying a house there.

“I decided to keep it, Yukhei,” you said, glancing up to see the disbelief on his face.

“You can’t, you know I can't be there for you and you’re still so new in your job, you can't risk your life for this!” Yukhei said, not comprehending on why you'd do this to yourself.

“I already decided, Yukhei, and I don't expect you to take responsibility, this is my choice,” you said as tears threatened to flow.

“That isn't fair, it's not fair for the child! A child needs its father! You don't know what you're doing! Being a single mum is next to impossible in Hong Kong! You're putting the child in a horrible situation just for your selfishness!” Yukhei said before pushing his hair back, the feeling of an impending headache forming.

“How dare you say that?! I’ll raise this child perfectly on my own, I was just calling you to inform you of it, but since you don't want anything to do with it or me, I guess this is goodbye and don't call me anymore, I won't change my mind,” you said before your face disappeared from his phone screen.

Yukhei tried calling you immediately after, a day later, several weeks later, but you never picked up. Then he started stressing about his career, what would happen if someone were to find out? But he knows you as a person, and being a tell-tale is not one of your characteristics, yeah, he can just act like nothing happened, like he had never received this call.

He knows he's running away from his problems, but what other choice does he have?

Fast forwarding to July of 2021, Yukhei is home after his filming of the popular Chinese reality show in China, Keep Running, he feels at ease when he sees his family, finally reuniting with them, but only for a short two weeks time, before he has to leave for Korea once more.

It was a Friday night when his friends from home took him out for a drink, he was not so familiar with the clubbing scene in Hong Kong, but with the knowledge he has of this area, he knows many rich and young people often here, just like the girl kissing up his neck now, her soft hands running up the expanse of his thigh, getting dangerously close to where he wants her to be.

Yet Yukhei doesn’t remember her name, was it Candy? Apple? Some sort of name that had to do with food, he just remembered that she told him that she was an up and coming model, or trying to be anyways.

Just as she suggested to go to some hotel, Yukhei suggested for a quickie in the bathroom first, and so here he is now, being pushed to the door of a stall, her hands trying to unbuckle his belt.

Yukhei reached the back of his pocket for his wallet, opening it, looking for the condom he had placed there, but cursed when he realised he must've dropped it when he paid for drinks.

He told her to go back out and wait for him to get some, leaving the club and the musky smoke filled place behind him, the summer breeze blowing his hair all over, he brings the hood of his jacket up as he scans for a nearby convenience store, locating one at the street across.

When he got in, the scent of curry immediately greeted him, it was your favourite food, everyday after school, no doubt you'll drag him into one of these shops, just to share a bowl of curry fish balls, one of the most famous snacks here in Hong Kong.

He pushed the thought away, trudging to the aisle that was on the most right, where the condoms were at, hidden away from children. He took a box and made his way to the counter, opening his wallet to take out a few notes.

The cashier turned her back from stocking the cigarette shelf, scanning the box wordlessly.

“That would be 30,” she said when she looked up, but her hand immediately dropped the box when she saw who it was, and that's when Yukhei truly opened his eyes to see who it was, at first he was just miffed not knowing why the cashier froze, then he sees you, in the worn out 7 Eleven uniform, was you, the last person he’d be expecting.

“Why are you here? What happened to your job at the law firm? Why...” Yukhei didn't know how to ask, he didn't know if he deserved the right to ask, yet there's so many questions he had swarming in his head. Where is his child? Did you abort it in the end? Did you give it up for adoption? Were you fired from your job because of it?

“It's my shift right now, and you seem to be getting lucky tonight,” you said stiffly, holding up the box for him to see, sliding it across the counter

“It's for my friend actually,” Yukhei said, eyes avoiding yours, but immediately looking at you straight in the eyes, remembering how you use to be able to see right through him whenever he didn't do the revision work you've given him.

“Right,” you said, resisting to roll your eyes.

“You haven't answered me, why are you working here instead of the law firm?” Yukhei pressed.

You sigh at his persistence, not knowing what to say to humour him, so you didn't say anything, getting back to rearranging the shelves.

Yukhei bit his lip, not knowing what to say to you, but a million questions in his head, desperate for answers.

“Please leave if you're done with your purchases,” you said, you had a long day, and the thought of entertaining him was not something you want to add on your plate.

Yukhei looked around the store once more, grabbing a bowl of instant noodles from the shelf before making his way once more to the cashier.

“I’d like to have this here,” Yukhei said before pulling out some spare change from just now.

“Yukhei, what are you trying to do?” you asked in an exasperated tone, there's no point making small talk when there's no way the two of you would ever cross in each other’s lives ever again.

“I'm hungry, I want to eat noodles,” which wasn’t really a lie, all the alcohol he drank before gave him an appetite.

You sighed, turning your back to him, soundlessly waited for the water to boil before pouring it into the cup, sealing the top for it to cook. As you worked, Yukhei was having déjà vu, this was an all too familiar sight, nights at the convenience store studying till late at night in groups, you'd always share noodles with him as you taught him some dumb math formula that no one uses in their life after school.

He takes his bowl of noodles, opting to sit at the place closest to the counter, just looking at you, eating as slow as humanly possible.

When it was around three, you received a call.

“Hello?”

“...”

“You think you have a stomach ache? Celine jia is asleep? Okay, mama’s coming home okay?” you said frantically before shutting off the stove of the food at the counter, running to the back for a pack of meds, depositing some money into the register. You looked at Yukhei, frozen at his seat, cursing at yourself for not going into the back room before picking up the call.

“You need to go, I have something to deal with,” you said as you grabbed your bag, turning off all the switches in one go, making the place pitch black other than the lights from the lamp posts outside.

“Is that my child?” Yukhei asked, he can't allow himself to act like it never happened before, he ran away once, it's time to man up and shoulder on his responsibilities.

“No I fucked another guy before you and it's his child,” you deadpanned.

You walked down the street to flag for a taxi that is always parked there to get their club goer customers, Yukhei hot on your heels, you turned back to look at him questioningly.

“This is none of your concern, don’t follow me,” you said in a rather seething tone, you didn't mean to sound like that, but if he's going to be in the way of your child, then he’s not a friend.

“That's my child too, I want to know how they are, I have a right to do so, you studied law, you should know,” Yukhei retorted in the most friendly way possible, he knows he's in the wrong, but he wants to ensure his child’s safety.

“For fuck’s sake,” you cursed aloud before stepping into the taxi, leaving the door open for him.

You told the driver your address, sitting back to think of what's the problem, the kindergarten shouldn't be the culprit, it's a school with a good reputation, which also burns a hole in your wallet, but you don't mind, and it's not like you have much of a choice, education is deadly expensive here.

About 20 minutes later, you've reached home.

“That'll be 150, miss,” the driver said.

“What?!”

“Fares are different after midnight, miss,” the driver reminded you.

Before you could check if you had enough money on you, Yukhei paid for it wordlessly.

You got out of the car, rushing into the building and running up the stairs as quick as you can, unlocking the door, jabbing the keys into the rusty lock.

Taking off your shoes before you made your way to your room, spotting your son crouched in the corner of your bed, hands around his stomach.

“Hey, mama's home, I'll get you a glass of water to take your medicine okay?” you said before hurrying out, Yukhei passing you a glass of water at the kitchen.

“Thanks,” you mumbled before making your way back inside.

You open the package and passed you son a tablet, but looking at the size, you knew he’d panic to swallow something this big, so you broke it in half, telling him to drink a big gulp of water to wash it down and it'll be fine.

All the while, Yukhei was watching with wonder leaning by the door frame, even in the dim lights and the fact that he's still quite young, he could still identify his eyes on his son, the strong genes in his family, his father and brother all had those eyes, this boy is most definitely his.

The boy diligently does as you told him, taking a big gulp of water, so obedient, and from the way the two of you communicate, very mature for his age, nothing like the usual three year old.

When he was done, he noticed Yukhei’s presence, tugging your sleeve to whisper into your ear, eyes trained on him.

“That's a friend of mine, love, be polite, say hi to Yukhei gogo,” you urged.

Yukhei took this as a sign to get closer to his son, squatting down to meet his eye.

“You’re a handsome boy, what's your name? I’m Yukhei and I’m 22 this year, how about you?” Yukhei asked as he reached out his hand for the little boy to shake.

“I’m Wenghei, 3 years old. Why have I never seen you before gogo?” the child asks, looking at him with curious eyes, he's met some of your friends, but he's definitely haven't met him before, most people aren't as tall here, or not in his mother's circle anyways.

“Get some rest, love,” you said, tucking him into bed.

“Okay,” he said, a yawn coming out from his mouth.

You closed the door behind you, directing Yukhei to the small living room area, serving him a glass of water.

You walked to the trash bin, opening the lid to check its contents, a scowl on your face when you saw the root of your son’s stomach ache when you spot the plastic container that contained the two day old pizza from the freezer. Your roommate, Celine, must’ve gave him some as dinner, usually you'd leave some money for Celine to buy him dinner, but she must've been tight on money again, trying to find ways to squeeze in some spare change, you've warned her of her spending habits, always splurging on albums of her favourite stars, which reminds you.

“You have to go, I’m living with a roommate and I'm sure she's going to recognise you,” you said, a hand gesturing at the door.

“Wait, did you find out why he had a stomach ache?” Yukhei asked.

“Yeah, he ate something he shouldn't have for dinner, you have to go, I need some rest for tomorrow,” you said, struggling to keep your eyes open.

“Do you have anything on tomorrow? Can I see you, perhaps?” Yukhei asked, he didn't know what he wanted to talk about, but he just had to see you again.

“I’m tutoring a student at a coffee shop tomorrow, you can come right after,” you said, thinking that he just wants to know more about his son.

“Okay, goodnight then,” Yukhei said awkwardly as he walks towards the door.

“Goodnight,” you said, feeling a weight on your chest, dreading tomorrow’s meeting.

When Yukhei arrived at the café, he could see you sitting at the way back, a teenage girl sitting in front of you, back facing him, he sipped on his latte, observing you silently.

Your hair is much longer than it had been in high school, the bag hung by your chair very much worn out, and your eye bags were heavier than on days where Yukhei would stay up to prepare for promotions.

Soon, the student was packing up, leaving the table, Yukhei took this as a sign to move to your table. You had stood up to greet him, and that's when he saw, you had lost lots of weight, and he's not meaning it in a fitness way, he recognised the jeans you are wearing, you had these even back then, they used to be a perfect fit for you, that's why they were your favourite, but now, you were wearing a belt to hold it together, and still he could see how loose it was.

“Hey, you didn't order anything?” Yukhei asked, noting that the cup of coffee he saw just now belonged to your student.

“I got a coffee in my flask, cheaper that way,” you said as you packed up your stationaries.

“What did you have for breakfast? How about I order you a piece of cake?” Yukhei suggested, looking back to see what they have today.

“It's alright, I'm not hungry, why don't we get straight to the point? What is it you want to ask about Wenghei?” you asked, noting the time on your watch, you have to leave around noon to fetch your son from pre school.

“I, how about you? Why did you leave the firm? And how’s your parents?” Yukhei started off.

“Well, they said I would’ve been an embarrassment to the firm, you know, pregnant and unmarried, so they told me to leave, it's not like filing could be done with a big weight in my stomach, so I did as they said. Now I tutor kids English and work the night shift at the convenience store, and as for my parents, they kicked me out,” you said, laying down the cards, no point avoiding his questions, especially not when you're in a hurry.

Yukhei nodded at your words, registering the fact that he had a fault in ruining your hot shot lawyer dreams and completely destroyed your sensitive relationship with your parents, how is he ever going to forgive himself?

“I’m sorry,” Yukhei said, he didn't know what else to say, how could he make it up to you and your son? Will you let him even if he could?

“Don't be, this is on the both of us, are you going to ask about the share custody stuff? If so, I don't think we should continue this conversation, Wenghei doesn’t know who you are, and maybe that's the best case scenario, what point would be made if he knew you were his father but you're not in our lives? It'll break his heart. You've seen him now, maybe you can reconnect with him when he's older, I think you should just say goodbye before you go, if you want,” you said, saying these harsh words aloud wasn’t easy, you’re not entirely a cold hearted bitch, but it's for the best that your son didn’t know about his father, no one wants to know the fact that their father abandoned them twice, some truths are better to be untold.

“Can I see him one last time, maybe tonight? For dinner? I'm leaving in two days,” Yukhei said in a defeated tone.

“Yeah, sure, I'll take the shift off tonight,” you said, eyes avoiding his, you could just tell he’d have those sad puppy eyes on his face right now, you don't need anymore guilt in your heart.

“Hey man, where were you?” Jackson asked Yukhei, who was waiting for him at the harbour, they were going to Macau for a day trip today, his friend isn't late for the boat, but they did schedule to meet 15 minutes earlier.

“Something came up, and I need to head back around 7, there’s some people I need to see,” Yukhei said as they boarded the boat.

“So that leaves us 5 hours, should be enough,” Jackson said, checking his watch.

“I’m sorry about this, man, it just came up suddenly,” Yukhei said as they took their seats, apologetic because they have been talking about this trip for a long time now.

“It's okay, dude, but what's up? You look really stressed,” Jackson asked, taking in Yukhei's clenched jaw and furrowed brows, a stark contrast from his usually carefree expression.

“It's a long story,” Yukhei said as he mindlessly watches the sea from the little window of his seat.

“Well, if you don't mind, this is a 45 minutes journey, maybe we'll be able to find a solution together, what are friends for am I right?” Jackson offered, he wouldn't press his friend if he didn't want to tell him about it, but the two of them have been close ever since going on knowing brothers, coming from the same home country and everything.

And so Yukhei, for the first time, told his friend his long love story.

“You know, I think I have a solution for you, but let me ask you one thing first, do you still love her?” Jackson asked as he ate his pork chop bun, Macau’s famous local snack.

Yukhei pondered over his friend’s question, yes the two of you agreed to break up, but all the girls he dated after you, all had similar features or personality traits to you, he had dismissed it as just a type, but now that he had seen you again, he realised that the hole in his heart was always emptied for you, you were the missing puzzle piece all along.

“You don't even have to answer me, your face tells all man,” Jackson said, an oily finger wagging at the direction of his face.

“Yeah, I think I do,” Yukhei said with a sigh, “but even if I still love her, that doesn’t mean she loves me back, and what if we do love each other? We're living oceans apart,” Yukhei said in a defeated tone.

“Now here comes my solution, so you said she got fired from her law firm and is now tutoring kids and doing the night shift at 7 E, and got kicked out by her shitty parents, so she really doesn't have anything else here for her other than her son, why don't you suggest get to move with you? To Korea? It'll be way easier for the two of you to raise your son, even if the two of you don't get back together, I mean, at least you'll be able to financially support them, that is what you're willing to do right?” Jackson asked, hoping that his friend would uptake his part of the child support.

“Yeah, of course I want that, I just don't know what she'll say, or if she'd be willing, she doesn't speak the language and it's an entirely different environment,” Yukhei said, thinking back the days where he had a tough time adjusting.

“From what you told me, she sounds like a tough nut, but of course, this is all up to you, but just so you know, I would really like to be his godfather, and as for your doubts of her love towards you, she did name him after you, isn't it the same Hei?” Jackson said with a hearty chuckle, he could just imagine the fun they'll have together, he was always fond of children.

“Yeah, I’ll persuade her on this,” Yukhei said, he could already feel himself getting nervous for tonight’s dinner, it can’t be that much of a coincidence that his son’s last name resembled his right? Or is he and Jackson just being delusional?

“Now that's my buddy, now come on, finish your food so that we’ll make it in time for the next batch of Portuguese egg tarts, I remember they have a fresh batch around 4,” Jackson said, mouth salivating at the thought of more food.

When you arrived at the restaurant, it was fancier than what you had expected, feeling underdressed among the rich elite of Hong Kong in your old dress that you wear for every special occasion.

You asked if there was a reservation under your name, since Yukhei said he had it booked under you, and almost immediately, since not that many people can afford places like these, the waiter led you in.

“Mama, what is this place? We've never ate here before,” your son asked you.

“It's a French cuisine restaurant, we’re meeting gogo here, remember him? Or were you too sick that day?” you said as you placed him on the baby chair you had requested for.

“Yeah, I remember,” your son said as he looks around in awe, registering the pretty chandeliers that look so sparkly.

When the waiter handed you a menu, someone had joined your table, his hoodie pulled up so no one would recognise him, pulling it down when he saw that there wasn't any other customers around.

“Sorry, am I late?” Yukhei asked with a sheepish smile, a hand lifting up to check the time.

“No, we’re just early, say hi to Yukhei gogo, love,” you directed the last part to your son, patting his little hand to get his attention, smiling immediately when he lands on the tall figure.

“Gogo, you're here,” your son said excitedly, making grabby hands at him, letting his father carry him with a large smile on his face.

“Hey, buddy, don't you look excited to see me?” Yukhei said before blowing raspberry at his neck, making the young boy giggle.

What you didn't expect was to see someone coming up behind Yukhei, a little bit shorter and smaller in built, but when he pulled his hoodie down, you instantly recognised who it was.

“Jackson Wang?” you asked, blinking your eyes a few times to see if you were hallucinating.

“Hey, it’s nice to finally meet you, you look lovely tonight, and you must be little Wenghei, aren't you adorable, how about Jackson gogo take you out to buy toys, huh? I saw a big toy store just across the street, but only if your ma says yes of course,” Jackson said, giving you a side eye to Yukhei.

“Yeah, sure,” you said, it's not like the Jackson Wang is going to kidnap your son right?

“Don’t worry, I’ll watch him with my life,” Jackson said as Yukhei passes his son over to him, leaving the restaurant with his hood up once more.

“Is there something you'd like to say?” you asked Yukhei after he had taken the seat across you his hands were shaking slightly as he holds up the menu.

“I... I still love you. And I know I must sound like a jerk to you, hell I’d go back in time just to hit myself for running away, I'm really sorry for that. What I did was inexcusable, my career just stabilised at that time, and I was under immense stress from SM, you have every right to be mad at me, but I want to be apart of your life again, apart of Wenghei’s life as well, if you could let me have this second chance, I'll do anything to make the both of you happy,” Yukhei said in one breath, reciting what he had practised over and over again with Jackson in the car.

“Yukhei, I,” you were lost for words, you thought you were saying goodbye once more, that Yukhei and you would always end up in goodbyes, but now here he is, saying he loves you.

“Yukhei, you can't just say you love me for the sake of our son, and neither would you need to take responsibility for him, I chose to have him, and as for love, we can never be together, you’re an international super star now, and you're living in Korea, I don't think I have the energy to be in a long distance relationship with you, that would take a toll on Wenghei too, how am I going to explain to him that his father is in another country? He’ll always question your love for him and I don't want that,” you said, trying to hold in the tears that had built up in your eyes, your throat closing up, the cold facade you built for yourself crumbling down before his eyes.

“You can move to Korea, both of you, we can be a family,” Yukhei pleaded, his hands reaching forward to hold yours, his eyes searching yours.

“We can’t, what if we break up? What if your so called love for me, is just something you feel as a result of our child? You can't uproot the two of us when there's so many uncertainties, especially our emotions,” you said, you don't want either of you to be stuck in a relationship for the sake of raising a child, no one would be happy in the end.

“Love, you don't understand, I've never had a serious relationship after you, I tried, I really did, but I’d always think of you instead, how badly I wanted you instead of someone who reminds me of you, the thing is, I’ve always loved you, and I think you still love me too, or you wouldn't have named our son after me, am I right?” Yukhei hoped, why else would you come up with that name right?

Damn it, you thought to yourself, he saw right through you, maybe you shouldn't have named your son after him.

You looked at him and looked away, darn those puppy eyes, you’re sure you’re crying now, and Yukhei reaching over to wipe away your tears just confirmed it.

“I love you, it's always been you, only you,” Yukhei confessed.

“I, I love you too, Yukhei, and I was never mad at you for running away from us, I know how tough that industry is, but what if your fans find out about us?” you asked, slightly worried that he might lose it like last time.

“Then so be it, true fans would stay,” he said in an affirmative tone, reassuring you.

“You promise?” you asked, holding out your pinky, it would’ve been a funny sight to see if anyone saw the two of you now, crying and smiling at the same time.

“I promise,” Yukhei said before hooking his own pinky to connect with yours.

“If you leave us, Wong Yukhei, I’ll murder you in your sleep,” you said as threatening as you could sound.

“I plan to see our son grow up, so I'll value my life,” Yukhei said in utmost sincerity before grabbing a napkin to wipe away all your tears, you’re glad that you didn't wear any mascara today.

Just when Yukhei wiped away the tears in his eyes, Jackson was back with your bubbly child, his arm had bags digging into his flesh.

“Oh my god, that's too much, Wenghei why did you get so many, this is Jackson gogo’s hard earned money,” you said, lecturing your son.

“It's okay, he's an angel, this was all on me, and I guess things went well?” Jackson asked, eyes darting to your connected hands.

“Yeah,” you said, the biggest smile you had on your face.

“That's great to hear, I always wanted to be an uncle, now if you’ll excuse me, I don't think I should crash this family reunion any longer,” Jackson said giving his best friend a hug before leaving.

“So... What do you like to eat Wenghei? How about we get crème brulé,” Yukhei asked, pointing at the menu with childlike eyes, reminding you of the days where he’d get ice cream with you, splitting it on half for you to share.

“Sounds delicious.”

You let Yukhei order everything, sharing between the three of you while the three of you talked, Yukhei mostly directed the questions at his child, asking about his interests, his favourites of everything, ranging from colour to ice cream, eager to make up for loss time.

“How about we talk about where you'll be staying?” Yukhei asked after ordering dessert.

“Oh, I don't know what I'll be able to afford, I'll probably get another convenience store job again, so the rent can't be too high,” you said, dreading the thought of needing to learn a new language quickly for a job.

“Hey, you don't need to work anymore, nor pay rent, I already looked it up, there's an empty unit in our condo, the soundproofing might be a bit lacking, but that wouldn't be a problem if you don't sing in the shower like Dejun, we had a few noise complaints because of him,” Yukhei said, laughing at the fond times he had at the dorms.

“Yukhei, I know housing is really expensive there, are you sure you want to do this?” you asked once more, you don't want him to resent the financial burden the two of you would add onto him.

“What did I say to you just now? I said what I meant, I want the two of you to be in my life, forever. And don't worry about money, I saved up plenty and there’s many more jobs coming up for me, and moving out of the dorms would be the next step of adulthood to me, and we’ll get to spend so much more time together, right Wenghei?” Yukhei asked, pinching your son’s chubby cheeks teasingly.

“We’ll be living together, Yukhei gogo?” your son asked, a confused expression on his face, he had his attention trained on some pink fong video, something about dinosaurs.

“Yeah, Wenghei, we’ll be moving out of our little room, are you excited? We're going to a new country. Remember the dramas I watched with you? Korea has that big outdoor theme park you said you always wanted to go, and snow, you'll get to make snowmen during the winter,” you persuaded, hoping he won’t fuss too much about the move.

“Really? There’s snow in Korea?” your son asked, excited about the winter scene he’ll get finally see in real life.

“Yeah, real snow, not the bubbles in Disney land, are you excited?”

“Yeah, is Jackson gogo going to stay with us too?” your son asked, eyes darting to his new goodies before looking at you expectantly.

“Well, Jackson gogo has his own house and we have ours, but we can always visit him,” Yukhei explained.

“Hehe, okay,” your son said before getting distracted by the crème brulé set in front of him, digging in immediately.

“When do you want us to make the move?” you asked, thinking of all the things you have to pack, which isn't a lot, but you might have to courier some of your clothes over first.

“Whenever you want, I'll get our home ready as soon as possible, is there anything you need in the house? Other than the basics of course,” Yukhei asked, uncertain of any needs you have as a woman or maybe for your son.

“Can we have a study room for Wenghei? With a desk and shelves? We love to read, and he'll need a proper desk when he's older,” you asked, hoping it wasn't too much.

“Yeah, sure, I'll be sure to get it done,” Yukhei said, noting it down into his phone.

“But it's no rush on the study room part, he's just three after all, before I go, I have to apply visas for both of us,” you said, dreading the thought of filling up paperwork, you haven't done much of that ever since you left the law firm.

“Call me if you need any help on that, I'm sure my manager knows how to,” Yukhei said.

“You’re going to tell your company about us?” you asked, knowing how strict Korean entertainment companies are.

“They can't let me go just because of having my own family, they didn't let Jongdae, my senior, go, so we’ll be fine, I promise,” Yukhei said, reaching a hand over to hold yours reassuringly, his eyes looking into yours, filled with love and adoration.

“Okay, now how about we walk around the complex until 10? Wenghei doesn't have school tomorrow,” you suggested.

“Yeah, sure, we could even stay out later if you want,” Yukhei said enthusiastically, getting up slightly to call for the bill.

“You have a flight to catch tomorrow,” you reminded him in your motherly voice, which you regretted almost instantly, cursing yourself, reminding yourself to act more like an actual 22 year old, but Yukhei didn't say anything about it, hiding his smile by nodding deeply, almost like a bow.

“Okay, I just wanted to spend more time with the two of you,” Yukhei said, stopping when he saw the waiter coming back with the credit card machine, paying with just a glance at the bill.

The three of you spent your remaining time shopping and at the arcade, playing games with your son, Yukhei had insisted on getting you a new pair of sneakers, but you shot him down when he wanted to buy more stuff, especially toys for Wenghei.

“You can buy him toys when we’re there, it'll cost even more to ship more stuff over, and there's a risk of damaging the toys as well,” you said.

But of course your son threw a fit at the shop, all for some legos.

“Hey, buddy, I'll buy you lots the next time I see you, okay? I'll buy you one that's even bigger than this,” Yukhei said, squatting down next to his son, and even then he wasn't eye level with him, sometimes you forget how tall Yukhei actually is until you see a scene like this, or when you stand really close to him.

When it was 10pm, painful goodbyes were exchanged with a promise of face timing everyday, your son cried, and held onto his father dearly, and you haven't even told him Yukhei was his dad, but their bond is evident.

Yukhei held onto you and your son until his taxi came, and you waved until you couldn't see the taillights.

It's been a month since that fateful reunion, and Yukhei has squeezed in face times, calls, and texts in between schedules, giving you and your son time despite his busy career.

His company wasn’t too happy about it of course, but was somewhat glad that you weren't one to babble your business to gossip outlets.

You're now packing your things, one last time, you've been to the post office multiple times before to courier out your stuff to Korea, and every time a box reached his address, Yukhei would take a photo of it, telling you the stuff arrived safely.

Progress on your new home was quick, since it was already a fully furnished unit, Yukhei only needed to buy some furniture and things that cater to your son’s needs, he even picked out a pre school that teaches mandarin, perfect for your son’s adjustment in such a foreign country.

Tomorrow you'd be flying to Korea, a new country, a new start, but there was something clouding your mind, something you've been dreading, but today is the day you’ll tell him.

“Wenghei, can you come to mama for a second?” you asked, soon hearing your son’s tiny footsteps nearing you.

“Yes, mama?” your son asked, a hand around his precious teddy.

“There's something I need to tell you,” you said holding him close to you, letting him sit onto your lap.

“Remember how you asked me why you didn't have a baba while all your other classmates did?” you asked, trying to word it as nicely as possible.

“You said my baba had a really big responsibility, that he couldn't see us because of it, that he'll come back when he's free,” your son answered you, struggling to remember more details.

“Yes, good job, Wenghei, your memorising skills are getting better. Well, your baba is actually Yukhei gogo, he’s back now, and we can finally be a family again,” you said before holding in a breath, not knowing how he’ll react.

“Baba is Yukhei gogo? That's why we’re going to Korea?” your son asked, confusion written on his face.

“Yeah, do you like that he's your baba?” you asked, this could be the most important question ever.

“Yeah, mama, do you love baba? Does baba love you as much as I do?” your son asked, which very much surprised you, but expecting this sort of maturity from him.

“Yes, we love each other, and both of us love you as much too,” you said with a pinch of his chubby cheeks.

“Do we ever have to be separated from baba again?” your son asked, scared of losing his newfound father.

“No, never again, and can you do me one favour, Wenghei? I think the next time when you see your baba, you should run up to him and say hi baba, he’ll be very happy to hear you call him that,” you suggested, imagining the look on Yukhei’s face.

Your son giggled at the thought of making his father happy, agreeing immediately.

“Okay, now go to sleep, it's going to be your first time flying tomorrow,” you said, ushering him onto the bed.

“Okay, goodnight, mama,” your son said to you, just like he did every other night, he seemed to have accepted it very easily, maybe it was due to his age, but some day he might ask his father about his departure personally when he understands more, but that’s a hardship that’s reserved for another day.

The flight was relatively short, though it was rather hard for Wenghei at the start because of the pressure he had experienced in his ears, the crying and whining got you plenty of dirty looks from passengers around you, but you paid no mind to it, you’ve been through worst so this is nothing that can faze you.

When you got there, you saw a lady holding up a plaque with your name on it, her phone in her hand, checking all the moms who came out of the same lane as you.

She had a friendly smile on her face when she saw you, introducing herself in mandarin, being one of Wayv’s staff, a trusted one, according to Yukhei.

She talked to you about Yukhei in general, even giving your son a bar of mini KitKat, praising him for being brave on the flight after she had asked you how was your flight.

Around half an hour later, you've reached your new home, a nice looking condominium that looked about a few years old.

Unloading took quite some time, even with the help of the staff, but what surprised you was the person who was waiting for you inside the lobby.

“You're here!” you said surprised at the sight of the giant.

“Yeah, I am, wanted to give you a surprise, sorry I couldn't be outside, some crazy fans camp outside, can’t let them bring you and Wenghei any harm,” Yukhei said as he carried Wenghei, spinning in a small circle, looking at him with full of love.

“I understand, don't worry, I'm not a teenager girl anymore,” you said as you checked out the place, the sitting area had a couch set and free WiFi, this is a 180 from the living conditions in Hong Kong.

“Baba, did you miss me?” your son asked when he had stopped giggling from his father’s spins, which instantly ceased to a halt, eyes growing as wide as saucers.

“What did you call me? Say it again,” Yukhei said with the biggest smile on his face, all of his teeth were showing.

“Mama said you were my Baba,” Wenghei said like it was as simple as two plus two.

“Yeah... I am your baba, and you're my son,” Yukhei said before holding his son even closer, you could even see the tears at the corner of his eyes.

“Why don't we go see our new home Wenghei?” you suggested, seeing that some people have came out from the lifts, typical going to work hours.

You walked a feet away from Yukhei, not wanting to draw attention, holding onto the lift for Yukhei to bring all your luggage in.

Once you were at your level, you started loosening up, noticing that no one was around.

“This is my members’ unit,” Yukhei said pointing at a door, “And this is ours,” Yukhei said before opening the door for you, welcoming you into a warmly decorated home, every piece of furniture was placed and chose to accommodate your child, all the corners were covered with this e rubber safety stickers.

He showed you into Wenghei's room where the bed had all his favourite characters in the form of a plushie, his bed was soft when you sat down on it, and the blanket he had picked out was a soft fleece material, perfect for the cold weather.

Your son was going around every corner, awing at everything his father had gotten him, especially the Lego sets that were on his desk.

“Thank you, it's beautiful, his room,” you said when Yukhei wrapped an arm around your waist, bringing you closer to him, god how much you've missed his warmth.

“Go take a look at your room,” Yukhei said before pulling your hand into the direction of the master bedroom, welcoming you into a room with a king size bed and silk linen sheets, an aesthetic looking vanity that you've always wanted as a teenager, now as well of course, and a little reading corner just for you by the window.

“It's all I've ever wanted,” you said in disbelief, not knowing how could Yukhei pull this off in such a short time.

“You like it? I got some help from my members, especially Kun for the kitchen, you should check it out afterwards, you always wanted a big kitchen area,” Yukhei said as you laid on the bed, giving your stiff body a rest from the journey.

“Lay down with me for a while, I’m a bit tired from the flight,” you said, making grabby hands at him.

“Nah, I shouldn’t, this is your bed,” Yukhei said, looking flustered.

“Wong Yukhei, I’ve had your child and now you're acting all innocent?” you asked in an accusing tone, playing with him, which made him lay down next to you immediately, he didn't like getting you angry, thinking back all those days when you had lectured him just like that when he forgot to do his homework.

“You want me to sleep here?” Yukhei asked carefully, observing your expressions.

“This is our bedroom, where else do you want to sleep?” you asked, but was promptly cut off by Yukhei's lips on yours, smiling as he kissed you, gentle but expressing all his love for you, a hand lingering on your back, guiding you closer than him.

Many mistakes that had to be made had guided you here, but you've never regretted, for if it wasn't for the hardships and the crossroads, you wouldn't have found a home with the man you'll cross oceans for.

The end.