#and on top of this its this constant showing me that im being a bad friend to her which ig is true what with all my non responding to texts

[widevibratobitch]

.

[obsessedwithceleste]

You already know i had to do one

Im around 5’8, with wavy brown hair. I have sort of caramel like highlights. slightly curvy, dimples (IDFK BAHAHA)

My style really varies. It mainly fluctuates between modern grunge- ish (think baggy jeans, docs, mesh tops, smudged eyeliner) to ‘i have a trust fund’ (very scandi style). Lots of trench coats and dramatic blouses aswell.

I’m very very blunt. I get told by everyone i seem like a bitch because i have a rbf, and i’m passive aggressive. When i get to know people well and i open up, i become friendly, and my love language is bullying.

That being said, I am confrontational. I won’t hesitate to make situations awkward if somethings wrong, and will cause a fight if it’s necessary

If you asked someone who didn’t know me to describe me they’d say rude, blunt and unapproachable but if you ask my friend they’d say funny, unserious and caring. Like, my outside appearance is far from who i really am.

Forced to be a cunt but born to wear pretty sundresses and pick tulips 😔😔😔

Nerd. 300% a nerd. Always revising, massive impostor syndrome, can never know enough. Huge over achiever and always working for the best (even if it takes its toll on me.)

Love playing the piano. I’m super into philosophy and read abt it on the daily.

On the inside i am a huge softie. I love physical contact, it’s a big thing for me. A hopeless romantic but i don’t really show it.

Cat person. Favourite colour is deep red.

My music taste is mainly Jeff Buckley, TLSP, cocteau twins, elliot smith (peak male manipulator music)

I love doting on people. I need it to be reciprocated at times but my way of showing my love to someone is by doting on them!

I can’t think of anything else really, aside from the fact that i’m super sexy and really cool

I CANT WAIT BEGEHEHE

"i’m super sexy and really cool" - I love this for you sm

Pairing: Mattheo Riddle

Mattheo is the definition of golden retriever puppy disguised as a Doberman. Cool, edgy, snarky, but secretly a huge softy. (Someone please give this boy a hug).

He's also the most emotionally constipated of all the Slytherin boys. None of them are good with emotions, but Mattheo has it the worst. Love just isn't something that's ever been displayed in his life so it's quite foreign to him.

When Mattheo first met you, he was intrigued. Usually girls just giggled and flirted with him. But you were willing to go toe to toe with him, and it took him aback. He probably spent weeks watching from a far in quite admiration, not quite able to get a read on you.

When he finally works up the courage to talk to you, he's shocked by how well you both get on. You're able to stand your ground against him with ease, and even push right back.

He loves your fierce bluntness, your confidence, and your willingness to go to war for people you care about.

He also doesn’t open up to people easily, but your soft side and love for physical affection crack him right open.

He'll never admit it, but he loves that he's the only one that gets to see your soft romantic side.

Speaking of affection, this boy needs someone to dote on him. He’s eating out of the palm of your hand for a crumb of attention and learns how to dote on you right back. (He likes leaving you silly notes in your text books, but will vehemently deny it when confronted about it)

This boy is an absolute slut for physical affection though. He has his hands on you at all times whether it be a hand in your pocket, on your waist, an arm wrapped securely around you, he will not leave you alone.

When he learns that you play the piano, he asks you to teach him because he wants an excuse to spend time with you. He's extraordinarily bad. But he like listening to you play and would sit there with you for hours if you asked him to.

He also likes having your full, undivided attention, often poking and prodding you while you study because he thinks it’s just so funny when you’re cross. (He loves your grumpy face)

Some might find your constant bickering to be concerning, but you keep each other on your toes.

The first time Mattheo is fully convinced that he might just be in love with you is when you snap back at a group of students who are talking their usual shit. Normally Mattheo would beat them to a pulp, but this time he’s the one holding you and your biting words back.

He thinks you’ve never looked more beautiful btw.

After that incident, you both go back to his dorm. He's not really sure what to say. No one has ever really gone out on a limb for him. Showed that they cared. All he knows is that one minute you were ranting about "how bloody ignorant" some people can be, and the next he had you wrapped in his arms with his lips on yours.

Once it's official, he can't wait to make sure everyone knows that you're his. He's wildly overprotective, but never lets you see it because he doesn't want you to feel smothered. (He knows you could beat his ass)

He makes sure you're at every one of his quidditch games wearing his jumper, or his jersey, or his thick Slytherin scarf. He likes to show off for you. His favorite thing though, are the post game make-out sessions under the stands.

He also has a nasty habit of sneaking into your dorm room after hours for a quick (or not so quick) late night cuddle.

The boy is disgustingly obsessed with you and does everything in his power to make sure you, and everyone else knows it. He didn't grow up feeling loved, and wants to make certain that it's not something you'll ever feel.

[volivolition]

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

9. What are your file name conventions

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

-Mind

HELLO MIND THANK U FOR ASKS!! twirls you!! :D <33

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw i recently designed how i want to draw logic aND LIKE... BRO WHY ARE YOU PIECES.

honestly, its very methodical when you get into it, but it takes so much effort to know where it would look best to add splits or floaty bits. and then coloring is like. goddamnit my guy, everyone else is just one main color, why are you blues and yellows and greys and browns dude??? hkjhg just... so tedious (affectionate) :'] <33

9. What are your file name conventions

um. bad hgkjh

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what LMAO FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK, its been the CCCC album on loop for a WHILE now, like its been the constant background music for a few weeks now (recently joined by Count Eleven it is so damn catchy hkjgh), thank you for introducing me to these songs hfhjf <333!!

i also watch stardew videos, bdg's unraveled series, and drawfee episodes sometimes! :]

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated hm... i dont think any of my work is underrated? for the content i work on, whatever attention i get is fine really hfghhf i understand i occupy a small niche and if my few fellow skill enthusiasts find me im happy <33 i think some of my art is a little overrated actually? (the kim kissing harry comic thats currently my top liked is... not one of my favorites, to say the least, though im grateful people liked it :']) <33

if i had to answer, uh... my current profile pic i guess? not because im dissatisfied with the overall attention on it, but because i just really like it hhfgh <333 awwauh... i keep looking at it and smiling fondly, i am so happy with how soft and cute it turned out, the pink overlay was A GOOD CHOICE HJKFH i love how chemi is happily wrapped around voli and how voli's hand is delicately placed on top to show he wants him to stay... "yes, im okay with you being here. i want you here" very subtle reciprocation, but chemi understands him <3 jesus i am so fond of them...

[rigginsstreet]

So we know Billy is an aries, but what is heather's sign?

ok i personally like to headcanon her as a capricorn with a christmas birthday just cuz thats really funny to me. her demanding nobody skimp out on presents just because both days are the same no no you will get her birthday presents and then also christmas presents (plus im writing an au where shes part jewish so add hanukkah on top of the december festivities.... her parents stay rich just to afford her lifestyle lmao)

but anyway some capricorn traits that are very heather to me:

Capricorn individuals are typically traditional and serious in nature, possessing an inner sense of independence that allows them to make significant progress in both their personal and professional lives. They are skilled in self-control, can make realistic plans, and are capable of managing many people at once. Capricorns learn from their mistakes and rely on their experience and expertise to achieve success.

The ruling planet of Capricorn is Saturn, which represents all forms of restriction. While its influence makes Capricorns practical and responsible, it can also make them cold, distant, and unforgiving. To lighten their own lives and become more positive, Capricorns need to learn to forgive.

Capricorn – the Goat of Fear with a tail of a fish. This symbol represents the decision to protect oneself from monsters in our minds, lives, and physical surroundings. Capricorns are always ready to transform themselves to confront and conquer their fears. However, this defensive mechanism can lead to a chain reaction of fear. Capricorns face the world with bravery, never running away but constantly battling their inner monsters in secrecy.

They tend to show sensitivity through actions rather than words, and it can take years for them to open up enough to discuss their actual emotional problems.

Capricorns are focused on their personal goals and can sometimes lack compassion and emotional connection in their relationships. They are dedicated to providing the stability of a "normal" life and their partner can rely on them as a stepping stone for personal endeavors, and they can have a lasting bond with a constant tendency for growth. However, they are not very willing to compromise and may even create problems just to solve them or feel bad that a problem was never resolved.

Capricorn individuals are intelligent, stable, and reliable, making them loyal and excellent friends who can serve as pillars on their friends journey towards their dreams. They prefer surrounding themselves with people who respect boundaries, are warm, open hearted and loyal enough to follow their lead. Capricorns are not likely to collect too many friends in their lifetime, but they will turn to those who make them feel at peace, intelligent, and honest at all times.

Capricorns have a deep understanding of family traditions and feel connected to every single aspect of their past, including their childhood. They love bringing out memories of the past during holidays and birthdays. Conflict over dominance in their household is typical for Capricorns, with their father being an extremely important figure in shaping their self-image over the years. As parents, they tend to be strict but fair and are ready to take on the responsibilities that come with raising a child.

Capricorns are known for setting high standards for themselves and are characterized by their honesty, dedication, and perseverance. They value loyalty and hard work above all else and tend to keep those with these qualities close, even if they are intellectually inferior. Capricorns are concentrated and resourceful individuals who get the job done and are willing to commit completely to the final product, even if it requires long hours. They excel in management, finance, programming, and calculations.

Money is highly valued in the lives of Capricorns. They tend to manage it well and save for a rainy day, as long as their debts do not consume their actual abilities.

Capricorn women are known for being ambitious, persistent, responsible, and reliable. They desire to find a partner who can make them smile and are eager to open up and feel that special pull of emotions that bring warmth and possibilities for any future. However, it may take time for a Capricorn woman to lower her guard so she can feel safe and comfortable enough to show just how sensitive and caring she can be when she is in love.

A Capricorn woman seeks a responsible, calm, and hard-working partner who will take care of her in the event of any negative future events. She needs to feel comfortable with the people she dates and takes time to decide what she wants out of each relationship. Born under a Sun sign that exalts Mars, her instincts and initiative are strong, making her a passionate lover who is always in charge of her own life, regardless of outer circumstances.

[indirecticn]

just as info... because im a bitch who has to over explain everything...

i am on like, not semi hiatus but def. semi slow down for a bit and here's why. under the cut is a lot of boring work garbage, feel free to ignore lol

ok SO here's the thing

i think i mentioned it before but like a month or two ago my company fired five people, four of which were like directly in my operations group. we are a bulk liquid e.xport team that specializes in fle.xi bags being loaded like... well, with bulk liquids lmao. its not super hard but it is TEDIOUS as fuck what i have to do on a daily basis.

i have direct contact with suppliers and traders purchasing from suppliers and i coordinate the full movement of product so basically customer tells me: i need X amt of product moved from point a in the usa to point b in the world. they specify, often, the particulars of like.. what steamship lines to use based on rate, or like on end destination preferences, and they expect us to typically coordinate the trucker to pick up food grade containers that then live load or transload at a supplier's plant and then get ingated back into whatever port terminal to get on a vessel and make specific arrival times at their end destination.

like idk some of u might even be in this industry too, so u kno what i mean.

the PROBLEM is that i am expected to get the booking with the ssl, coordinate the trucker, make sure the product gets loaded both within the customer's expected window + within a window where containers can be ingated against said booking's vessel, with OUT additional cost (so things can't sit on yards and get storage or detention for drivers or have additional legs in the trucking which means more money to pay trucker ect ect) and i have to load the amount the customer requests AND

Sometimes the product has to go on rail and that has specific regulations and sometimes the product is hazardous and has to be pre approved on the SSL to even be booked but the customer sent a request asking to load the next week so they get mad you dont get a confirmation within the same day because the haz approval has to be granted by the transhipment port half way across the world too because SOME ports don't take haz and some do but only certain kinds and and and and....

sometimes there is a vessel congestion in the ports or bad weather that shuts down ports or plants, or sometimes drivers have mechnical issues or just miss their fkn appts to load or show up with wrong equipment or ... or there is no container your driver can find because the ssl is out of them at that particular port location or...

yeah.

and so take that and then give me one account that is incredibly picky, sends requests last minute, mostly of randomly haz bullshit, and expects u to lick their boots....

and then another account where i am expected to maintain a perfect constant flow of bookings out of four different ports and the amount expected is like... ohhh 28 a week out of one, 10 out of another, 20 out of two others... and THEN that same customer sends you 75 FUCKING RAILCARS TO ONE SINGLE RAILSPUR/TRUCKER THAT CAN ONLY TRANSLOAD TWO A DAY, MAYBE FOUR TOPS, AND and your boss told them that there would be NO storage charged back to them so you have to now hope to god all the railcars dont show up at once because then you have to meet that four day vessel window and at MOST can load out like 10 of the railcars, if that, if you are lucky with perfect conditions but WHOOPS ALL 75 ARE THERE AT ONCE SO ACTUALLY fuck your life you get storage on 65 railcars and it shows on YOUR account that you lost money

and also?

you have to do the customs filing and documentation for destination arrival and have a window for that too and must have the info perfect or there is charges for fucking it up or containers getting stuck in customs at the destination...

yeah.

my co workers are overwhelmed and they have like maybe 60 containers on their desk a month?

my fucking dumb ass customer gives me a total currently of 450.

and yes, they fired people so i dont have a lot of back up until they hire someone new to take over this single stupid account so i can focus on others.

ive been working from like 6am to 7pm if not later because of this. im looking at other jobs but nothing pays as well currently and i technically like my team its just frustrating because ... yeah.

i hate this industry. i haaaaate it. supposedly im good at it but i dont care. i just want to survive having to pay rent or car payments and getting food, you know?

and i want to be able to do what i love which is write... and this job is melting my brain and just got exponentially more ugly within the last two weeks.

so anyway thats where im at and until i either change jobs or my desk chills out or they hire someone OR i get back on my adhd meds (lol that is really NOT helping to be off of them) im going to be slow.

but whatever, yall are great and i know those that want to will stick around so i appreciate you

thanks for coming to my ted talk bye

[askaniritual]

wowowow 39 episodes in 6 days is a lot lol im sure im gonna be gnawing on this like a chicken bone for like. a month at least but wow!!!!!

a lot of my initial reads on things were validated in these last 10 episodes which was very gratifying. i love a show that just straight up tells me my understanding of symbolism is correct lol. anyway heres my notes

the things that are left unsaid

there's so much allusion and talking around things in this show. it becomes very clear in these later episodes that not being able to address a problem directly is a tool that those in power use to maintain that power. people who can't discuss the abuse they're experiencing can't put a stop to it and all that

anthy and the shaved ice 

i hadn't really thought about the shaved ice until this point but like. food that is meant to dissolve. colorless and flavorless except for the syrup that is placed on top of it. many have called it the rose bride of food

corrupted love

i feel like there are so many examples in this show of love (or the perception of love within patriarchal society) making somebody the worst version of themselves. people do horrible things for love, they hurt themselves and others and they justify it by saying it's because they care about somebody else. the apothesis of this is anthy's devotion (and the world's reaction to it) which created akio from dios

to love is to suffer, to suffer is to love, and suffering is eternal

related to the above and also related to the ongoing theme of eternity in the show. if there is one constant in the world, it is anthy's suffering, and her suffering is a manifestation of love. what's more real, love or suffering? can the two be separated? does love without pain exist??? maybe outside the bounds of akio's world

saionji and touga’s terrible horrible no good very bad sex life

i don't want to make light of this too much because obviously the nature of saionji and touga's relationship in the back half of the show is highly influenced by akio who as we all know is more than capable of taking innocence and warping it into something painful. that being said i do think the fact that they started fucking (for the plot!) and neither of them seemed very into it was kind of funny conceptually. this leads into my second point

metaphorical sex that is more real than the actual sex

this deserves like a way longer post but there's both metaphorical and literal sex in the show. there's also a strong emphasis on the dichotomy between the real and the illusory. a lot of the sex is metaphorical in the sense that there is nothing happening on camera that reads specifically as sex but "real" in the sense that it exists in relationship to emotions that predate or exist outside of akio's influence

manufactured consent 

again this really needs its own post but the show up to the last 10 episodes spent a lot of time playing with this idea of like. the difference between wanting something and believing you should want something, and the ways that those with power impose their reality on those with less power. this gets made extremely explicit when akio starts insisting that anthy chose her position as the rose bride, and that this is somehow a role she wants and enjoys. much to consider!

[starreadssstuff]

I know the end prt 3- Takatora Samura

Warnings: canon violence, blood, bruising, angst  (future parts) g*ns, Niragi (nothing bad will happen, in this fic or any), angst LMK if I missed anything!!

Authors Note -  I finally got around to part three YAY!!! im so happy that I got to it. I will update “clingy” when I get the chance but if you have anything that you want to see in that fic or this one let me know!! love, star 💜 

             Since the beginning of the borderlands, it was the constant fighting for your life, it was triggering but you met people you liked along the way that made this mess a bit easier. What never go easier was the nightmares evey night. They were constant,waking up in the normal world and get ready in your empty apartment. You exit the house to see its night time and you see the billboards showing you to the direction of a game. At first you think is harmless so you joining “whats the worst that could happen?” But as you enter the game you find yourself trapped in a never-ending maze of mirrors. At first, it seemed like a harmless funhouse, but as you wander deeper into the maze, you realize that the mirrors are reflecting versions of yourself that are not quite right. Some are distorted and twisted, while others are cold and lifeless. The longer you stay in the maze, the more the mirrors seem to close in around you, trapping you in a never-ending cycle of distorted reflections. You begin to feel like you're losing your mind, unable to distinguish reality from the reflections. The only way to escape is to find the one true reflection of yourself, but with each wrong turn, the chances of finding it seem to slip further and further away. You finally find the right one and the exit is opened up infornt of you. You still feel like youre losing you mind, not really ready for that mindboggling experience. You run out and see a table in the complex you had entered, this table had a small receipt printer that had printed out a paper with Y/N L/N on it an an “exparation” date on it. Its weird and you dont know what type of game this is but you need to get out. It's safe to say that you didn't, and still haven't gotten out.

              All that said, you found your now best friend, lily, and have been shown around the “borderlands” as she calls it. It was weird at first but you get used to it after a while. At the beach you were like a fish out of water, iconic but true nonetheless. You didnt know anyone and everyone seam to think you were a target. When you came around they all scatterd like emptied seashells on the sand. It was worrying and you didnt know why, you had been there for a week and hadnt played any games so what was the fuss? No one seamed to be like that around lily so what had everybodys panties in a twist? It was tring until you found out why.              This had all happened because of him. He had threatened every one to stay away from you. Why? What was the reason? Did he hate you that much? He didnt even speak to you so why did he care about who you acquainted yourself with? If he needed to say something to you then why not handle it like the grown man that he is. As you march up to him lily is tring to get you attention to stop you, youre resisting like hell, determined to get an answer. “We need to speak Last Boss” you say to him, in a stern yet polite way. He agev you a questioning look like if he didint know what had happened. You walk away but hear him follow you. Everyone parts open a way for you and him to walk through because nobody had ever heard anyone speak to THE LAST BOSS like that before so it was a miracle that you weren't sliced in half already.

             “Are you the one that has been threatening people to stay away from me?” you say as soon as you get onto the roof top. He slowly nods, not really used to being treated like this, he wasnt going to hurt you by any means. He just wanted to keep you safe so he did what he did.

P.S sorry for the cliffhanger! stick around and find out what happens next in ~I know the end~ Takatora Samura

[conspicuous-clown-car]

was asked to share about Bitzy the clown so im gonna!!

excuse anything that doesnt make sense or spelling errors i currently have a migraine lol

this is just surface level stuff that shows who they are as a person

okay so bitzy started off as a clownsona that i could imagine saying what i was really thinking to customers/coworkers whenever i got mad at them when i used worked in customer service lol, it really helped me chill out and control my emotions

they were originally a character that i imagined doing badass stuff to music when i went on 4 hour long car rides every weekend for half a year, it helped pass the time and keep me sane

but yea bitzy very early in development was just the embodiment of what customer service does to a mf

inspiration for them: The Collector from the Owl House, Steve from Big Top Burger, The Ice King from Adventure Time

they go by they/it

VERY gender, will wear anything

but will scratch at their skin if its exposed so they tend to wear clothing that covers their limbs

they have adhd and theyre autistic, they dont/are unable to mask

theyre immortal, they can die (usually it happens in the stupidest and funniest ways), but they keep coming back, because their worlds rules say that theyre supposed to be there, always

they are inorganic (by earth standards), along with everying in their world

theyre a literal creature, able to contort and warp their body into anything, usually unsettling scary shit

they became a god-like entity, accidentally

that gods purpose is to observe and experience

though they are not the leader type, preferring to be lead by someone else

they dont need to eat, sleep, or drink due to being immortal, but they occasionally do if they want

has a personal, wholesome, and wordless relationship with the one deity thats a higher being than them, but they rarely see it, about once every thousand years or so. it shows them the stars

sometimes they forget theyre a god though so they act like a mortal more often than not

they have a really bad memory, like, amnesia type bad. half is from repression, half is from head trauma when they were younger. also has constant headaches, the worse they are the more likely it'll mention them. both of these are partially a result of their powers

they arent as funny as other clowns, and theyre bad at entertaining and improv

as a clown they should enjoy performing for others, but they do not, instead preferring to do so alone and only for themself

hates being percieved and analyzed

it used to be a jester

sometimes works on cartoon-like physics

in their world theyre a wanderer, and though they have a home they dont use it often

their house is like a huge blanket/pillow fort that sort of resembles a circus tent

theyre very childish, and from an outsiders perspective they seem kinda empty headed

even though they are childish and whimsical, they HATE being babied

will get irritated if clothing is asymmetrical

favorite color is red

is fascinated with celestial things, too bad there's no sky in their world....

shorty, especially compared to other clowns, they can change their height but prefer not to (it lets people think theyre harmless)

very unpredictable, quick to irritate, never know what theyre gonna be chill about and what theyre gonna have a meltdown over

they try to refrain from hurting others though, hating the reputation they have due to....'events' that happened when they were younger, events that were not their fault

theyre very impulsive, not thinking before doing, but that doesnt mean theyre an idiot

can be incredibly stupid when it comes to certain things and incredibly smart when it comes to others

they cant navigate a conversation when theyre involved in it but if theyre just observing they can easily figure out intentions of the conversing parties, things those involved in the conversation wouldnt be able to decipher at all

many try to befriend them for selfish purposes and bitzy can tell, they can always tell, theyve always been able to tell

it doesnt have a reflection

theyre vehemently TERRIFIED of bodies of water, especially the ocean....

is also scared of being in a car, but not the car itself.... wonder why....

they find it funny to be chill and silly around people they know are terrified of them

something is clearly wrong with them, like theyre putting up a façade and ignoring how fucked up they are mentally

10,000 years of living in self inflicted isolation can get to a person

stuck in a state of dream-like escapism

escapism is a huge part of their story

loves liminal spaces, because, well, it lives in a world of nothing but that

has daddy and mommy issues, thats why theyre insane /j

very emotionally mature when someone is being vulnerable with them

great with kids surprisingly

has a cult dedicated to them that they do not approve of, but will use that fact to one up people

those who dont know of bitzys reputation are bound to insult and underestimate them, and then... well... they figure out who they are

bitzys overall mentality is "you dont fuck with me, i dont fuck with you"

has an immense appreciation for earth, and by extension humans, wonder why? they arent even supposed to exist in their world....

has a way tortured past

does not like the sound of jingling keys or keychains, it reminds them of some bad people, and stresses them out

they have a high pain tolerance but will fake getting hurt just to be dramatic

they also just tend to overreact as a joke, getting fake mad at little things just to be funny

powers can be emotion based though, and boyyyyy do they have some big emotions

has a gripe with technology

is not aware of peoples personal bubbles

never comforable enough to be vulnerable with anyone (anyone except for daydream)

despite being a chaotic and probably annoying person to be around theyre a good friend, who often puts their friends needs before their own, but they only have one friend that this is applicable to lol

can be unintentionally funny by being painfully truthful/blunt

struggles with reading due to brain damage, is more of a physically active person than a mentally active person anyways

if i havent made it clear enough, they are a complete outcast, but by no fault of their own, even before they lost their marbles they tried everything to get people to like them for them. it never worked...

theres a big 'secret' about bitzy i havent revealed yet but.... maybe this spotify playlist of songs that vaguely tell bitzys story will be a helpful hint ;3

[princemonday]

runext finale thoughts:

weird asf group name and weird asf lineup. like idk why two of them are there but im not gonna send them hate and if they have good music ill still stream even though my faves didnt all make it. yk like a normal person would 🤷🏻‍♀️

so when i heard that korean votes would be used for the top two i knew exactly what hybe was up to. they wanted wonhee to debut. it probably would have been way closer...maybe fourth or fifth place if they used international votes and they didnt want to risk it. whether they meant to make jiwoo collateral or not is up for debate though.

i really think the judges just didnt like jiwoo bc what the fuck. i think hybe (and, consequently, the judges) knew who would be top two if they made the finale votes mostly korean and in doing so planned for the other four to not be jiwoo.

so i kinda predicted jiwoo falling out but jeemin? wow. i didnt expect that. she was never in my picks but she seemed to have that factor. i thought she and youngseo would be top two with youngseo being first and when i found out about korean voting, i assumed jeemin would take yunah or moka's spot. i cant even begin to theorize how that didnt happen.

iroha and wonhee were the judges favorites. this was clear as day. iroha was very much favored by the judges. she got second place on her team in given and taken and third overall after the bang! performance (stages where she made mistakes.) i think irohas personality is very charming and if theres no jeemin or jihyun we need a main dancer like her but shes still very young to me and her vocals arent very developed (see money and shut down performances.) wonhee is honestly a topic i dont want to discuss again but since im going over all the winners heres my opinion plainly:

shes too young. she trained the least out of everyone. she has a constant lost duck expression. she (like ena) had the potential to train some more and become a banger main vocalist (her tone is very pretty.) she fumbled the fearless performance. she ate the ssfwl and feel special performances up (showing her rapid growth.) her debut definitely robbed jeemin and jiwoo but the hate for her is absolutely disgusting. thats all.

youngseo....yeah i mean whos surprised? not really much to say other than good for her. i guess i dont like her voice but that doesnt mean its bad. she deserves it even though she was never in my picks. i will say though that she has tsuki syndrome. which ive classified as having very intense charisma and facial expressions so everyone thinks youre the perfect example of stage presence. over the top expressions doesnt mean talented idol. of course youngseo is talented also but if i had to point to the contestant with the best stage presence and expressions it would be jeemin no doubt. (neither of these girls were ever in my picks so im being v unbiased here)

moka....will rule the world. so proud of her. eat sleep moka.

yunah being sixth is wild. i think they just did that for shock value. shes the mood maker yall. live laugh yunah.

lastly minju....again good for her. very versatile and professional. her vocal tone is the most unique in the show and if they don't have jiwoo they'll need a stand out vocalist like her. (still hate that she had the entire i dont care performance while hyewon had like 3 lines even with voicing her uncertainty but we move on)

heres what my lineup out of the final 10 wouldve been vs my predictions vs what happened

my ideal lineup (in order from first to sixth place)

jiwoo, yunah, moka, jeongeun, minju, iroha

my predictions for the final lineup:

youngseo, jeemin, minju, wonhee, jiwoo, and moka or yunah (without korean popularity vote. with it jeemin and wonhee would switch places)

the final lineup:

wonhee, youngseo, minju, iroha, moka, yunah

really hope to see the other girls in other projects soon. esp jiwoo. justice 4 jiwoo. ill make another post going over my thoughts of the eliminated contestants soon </3

[ducknotinarow]

12 Karai - Mun talks about the Muse

Mun talks about the MuseSend one of the following to ask the mun… (please specify muse for multis)

After Shredder, Karai is my favorite Villain/anti hero/Ally ya know depends on the role she plays in the story. My favorite versions of her atm would have to be form the 03/12 series and in truth I like her in the 07 movies as well and SF game. Shes very unhinged in that one and it's why to this day I say Cass in Rise should have been an unhinge Karai u.u. My hate for Rise is not the point right now though XD This is mostly centering around the Karai in mine and Kezzie's Foot!Casey Au since thats the Karai I tend to get the most use out of. I will state from when I first added karai I had very much diverted her from cannon. Im wishy washy XD

I always enjoy karai being related to Sherrder the most just because the twist of her being Miwa Spliters daughter didn't really seem to go anywhere. But! Fanworks have made me crave that connection for Karai with the turtles XD I dunno for this AU it could be an interesting element I guess. Ill talk about it later.

✍ Favorite thing about writing the muse?

Karai is very much my type of character, those blunt tough as nails characters that are snarky, sarcastic and has a somewhat dry sense of humor. Well still being a free spirt. Where she often is compared to Leo, Karai isn't so dead set in morals and rules as he is. She is very willing to cut corner and bend the rules.

And these same things are why I enjoy writing her I also like the softer side she has to her that she tries to act like she doesn't have. Her tough exterior I feel makes those soft moments stand out.

She's always someone that will do pretty much anything for someone she cares for and I found that to always make for a compelling relationship between her and Shredder.

👀Favorite thing about the muse’s appearance?

I never get the hate on Karai's hair cut, maybe because I love Hinata from Naruto so seeing another character with the same hair cut is enjoyable to me. I also like that she has the underside belched it just looks nice on here with here over all darker color pallet. I also love the the red wings she wears for her make up look. Karai have some red in her design just stands out well and makes for a contrasting look.

I also really like when she has her more snake like eyes on show the coloring it just interesting I kind of wish they kept her eyes like that since her mutation just for more physical change. I don't care for her snake mutant forum but it seems a waste that they don't make it more apparent since she's able to shift.

🌌Favorite alternate version of the muse?

Foot!Casey Au XD and seeing how im answering this all form that verse thats pretty much already stated XD

💕Favorite ship for the muse?

Well answering this I want to make it clear this is not in regards to the AU I state this because of one of the ships I do actually like XD

of course Leo x Karai is my top ship for her. Its that whole batman cat women appeal for me. Karai isn't bad but she isn't above commit crimes for her end goal. She also doesn't want to hurt people when she leard about the Kranng it was because she generally was worried about humans that she tried to help the turtles out when she couldn't get her father to. It just shows that Leo's constant faith in her isn't just reduced to his clear attraction and crush on her.

XD this one might be a surprise but I actually kind of like shipping her with Donnie as well. Something, that isn't often given attention as I feel it should but Karai? is super smart. She can actually match Donnie in smarts. Her strength of course lies more in knowing people so shes good about messing with them compared to Donnie who isn't? Just makes for an interesting set up imo. Also bag girl x nerd.

XD see this is gonna come off funny in a few ways

I do like the Karai X Casey ship. Pfft I think they would be interesting likely a fling at best though that said I could never RP Karai and Casey as a ship on my blog because the brother sister relationship ironically considering I do ship tcest on this blog makes it impossable for me todo XD

💔Least favorite ship for the muse?

Karai x April, Karai x Kagami: I just don't personally ship either of these two ships I see the vision on them but not for me.

Karai X Raph: XD I may love these together and think they would just cause Leo so much grief together, but for once I just cant ship my favs together.

💢Something about the muse that annoys you?

like mentioned before how the whole set up for her being Miwa just didn't really go anywhere. Splinter and Karai hardly interact hell Karai and the turtles don't really either the only one of the turtles who takes to karai being family was Mikey but that's Mikey. Raph was still untrusting of her and Donnie dosen't really share screen time with her not to mention her and Leo being love interests ofc had different dynamics at play between them. Like the best thing going for Karai was that Shredder still saw her as his and like you saw how that obsession played out to finally decide Karai was his emeny too and he nearly killed her.

😈Worst thing you’ve ever done to your muse?

Make her care about her step siblings Casey and Angle uwu

Because Karai grew attached to Casey and Angel they easily have become a weakness for her as well. Because she came to see them as something she can't live without in her life. To Karai Casey is not only her older brother but a sort of stand in mother figure because how he looks out for her. And of course she cares for Angel. They have filled in this empty space for her.

And that means anytime anything happens to them it hurts her more than anything done to herself uwu

😂Funniest thing that’s ever happened to your muse?

Casey being like a month older than here, because Casey likes to think this means he's the older brother. Where everyone else in the Foot sees Karai like a princess being the heir of the Clan in a sense Casey keeps her humble but also gives her humanity in a sense. Casey is the only person in the world who will teach Karai like the kid she is.

Like you have the usual sibling antics involved but then you add in the fact Casey legit treats karai like a younger sister XD like its both sweet and annoying like Casey uwu

💡 What inspires you to write the muse?

If i'm honest i'm not really sure? outside the fact I enjoy the au we made and it's fun getting to give Karai that family dynmic the show didn't? And the fact I find her fun to write since she is snarky.

📷 Favorite picture/screencap of your muse?

📑 Favorite part of your muse’s backstory?

For Karai i'd say that she is desperate to know about her mother and have any possible link with her mom that when she gets the slights crumb of information like her mother loving Jasmine flowers she claims them as her own favorite, or insisting she likes the same scents as her mother even. I just feel it fuels her attachment to Casey and Angel better well also explaing why she would be okay with her fathers plans to get back at the hamato clan.

📝 Favorite headcanon for your muse?

Karai dose actually see Casey as her big brother in the sense he has always looked out for her. She feel's safer when Casey is around and not in terms of missions even just at home she feels safe with him there.

Karai has a fear of snakes yes but her true real fear? is Casey being disappointed in her.

Karai speaks Japanese only when ever Casey pisses her off because she knows he can't understand her.

Karai tends to help Angel style her dolls hair, they have full blown doll salon set up and all

Karai has no paper documentation to prove she exists. No birth records no SSN ect

😒 Is there anything canon about your muse that you ignore?

XD often that she is meant to be Splinters daughter buuut I may be wanting to make a change on this.

🔮 What do you see in your muse’s future?

I like to think Karai will take over the foot clan likely after Shredders death. She changes the clan from how her father shaped it to be and trys to make it into something more 'honorable' to be part of. Karai doesn't have anything to really say she well exists so she can't really have a normal life herself.

I also like the idea of Karai dropping that life and taking over Casey's family's old farm house, using money left to her from Shredder to buy and take ownership of it. Im sure Casey and Angel would move in with her and they could try and live as normal a life as possible now that they dont have thier father looming over them anymore. With the turtles especially Raph being able to visit them.

I think unlike in cannon is Spilnter and Sherrder killed each other in this verse that could add to this whole connect between the next generation og the two clans you know?

🔥 Unpopular opinion about your muse?

Ill be honest I dunno if I have any? Maybe that I feel Karai whole story was easily dropped and never really fleshed out after she mutated and such. Buuuut thats often an issue of 2012 plot lines XD

💭 Favorite memory of the muse?

I haven't finished writing it nor post it but there is an ask sent to Karai with Casey telling Karai 'like it or not your' my little sister' Basically I would say I feel for Karai it's going to be an eye opening moment. Shes kind of lived like a tool for her father, they dont have a normal family relationship after all. So, Casey saying this to her kind of shows Karai her life has more then do as her father expects. She has more than him for family she has Casey her older brother who unlike her father dose actually care about her well being. ;3;

😩 Hardest thing about writing the muse?

Mmmmm I guess her in any normal siturations? Karai dosen't have a normal life so its not like she can go to school and such? Everything she is invovled in is basically well ninja stuff? Like the only break from the norm I can think of is her and trans!Casey stuff XD I dunno something about them complaing about periods I guess? And Karai listening to her brother complain about his stupid boyfriend not understanding how periods work XD

⌨ What’s a situation you’ve always wanted to RP with the muse?

See, I kind of want to bring in the cannon that Karai is Miwa cause I feel this could add in some drama element for this AU outside of the sherdder stuff. Like Casey going through all he has both for his love for Raph but his love for his sisters. Because Casey would risk anything for the little bit of family he has left. So, how would Casey and Angel react to Karai not even being Sherdder's kid in truth? In a way that would mean Casey is more his Kid than she ever was. Like to keep the cannon i perfer where she is Sherdders daughter it could be like they think she's Miwa cause timelines and such match up, or Sherrder lies and says thats the truth to Casey as a way to be all

"You're more my child anyway' I just think theres something there uwu

🎭 How similar are you and the muse?

I wouldn't really say I share much in common with Karai outside the snarkyness and humor I can't say we are much alike XD

[flutterbat87]

:(

i wasted an hour making a really bad commissions sheet, just to take a 2 hour nap and delete it when i woke up and remembered i can't draw. on a separate note, nothing in my life is going well. everything is falling apart, incredible because it was never together in the first place. all i want is to be a cool artist on the internet with friends that make art but no matter how hard i try i can't break through the thoughts and feelings holding me back from doing both of those things. i can't even play videogames with the friends i already have because either my pc is too bad to run the games we want to play, or i simply don't enjoy playing the same games they do, similar to how i just don't enjoy drawing, or anything art related anymore, speaking of things i don't enjoy anymore, reading manga and playing single player games comes to mind as well, and so does the holly day season. christmas just isn't the same anymore, not since the way i view my parents changed, at this point i have to go to another country just to not spend christmas alone or with my parents. it fells like so much work, and i will be missing out the end of year brunch at school with my friends because of it. since to get the most out of my money i have to leave before holly day break, and return after school starts again. on top of that if i keep failing to show up to school i will get kicked out and i will not have anymore money to pay rent, then i will get kicked out of my apartment too, and be forced to move back to my parents, and i almost feel like i'd rather spend my final nights homeless and freezing on the streets. at least then i won't be rotting in my room to avoid the constant judgement from my family, and thats without them even knowing im trans, if they did know and if i did come out, i would probably just have a meltdown every time im in the same room as a family member, the reason i am saying that is because they are all extremely judgemental people, and they all ways have been, they spread hate behind people's backs like its the plague and they have done this openly in front of me and my siblings always, at dinner or just casually. being in the same room is like i feel their eyes on me, judging my every movement. its one of the most painfull feelings that i have ever experienced, and when i lived with my parents it was daily. it was so bad i didn't leave my room for anything else than food and going to the bathroom. i got an apartment, but i had to wait three months for renovations to get finished. and in that time i didn't go to school, i only occasionally chatted with my friends on discord or watched anime with my sister. about the whole school thing i could go on and on about how i was doomed to fail it from the start, but it will take too long so i won't. instead i will finish off by saying that i am very thank full for my friends that have helped me out and kept me going all this time, drawing and video games used to be my reason to live, but since that has passed, it's now my friends that are keeping me going. i love you <3

[onmymasa22]

When ur teacher says after seeing the culmination of ur art the past 3 years that ur life is humor mixed with tragedy... lol, nice to meetcha, take a seat.

Top hobbies:

1) When a guy is being annoying, saying to a third party person "dont worry about him, he just got his period"

2) when guys hit on my friends, but they're not interested, so i get to be the super blunt Sagittarius that i am with a delightful "yo, dude, she doesnt like you".

3) and back to number 1

I always thought that my name sima was yiddish, but its not, its aramaic,

Arlene honey william

Denise joy william

Yehudis

Honey

What i realized: my voice was made for jazz music.

Also

Watcb house the show about the vietnam veterans and the movie aladdin w real people

Emuna is my alignment with the constant awareness that hashems plan will carry out. Its a very weird thing, but i feel peace with the idea that although i might not be alive, the jewish nation will be alive.

This is the year that you cut out everything that doesn't serve you. Every complicated relationship, bad habits, wasted time on whatever is below you. This is the year that you only carry with you people who are good to be around, positivity, love, humor. When it says- לֶךְ־לְךָ֛, the לְךָ֛ for you refers to anything thats good

I have slept probably a good five hours total in the past three days, and yet my day today looked like- waking up in greece, flying to israel, bringing all my crap to jerusalem, buying pillows, meeting up with friends for dinner, buying shower stuff, putting all my bedding on my bed, and packing for tomorrow which requires me to be out and about at 6am for a weekend in the desert with like 50 friends. At the same time im impressed with myself but also wondering what trauma led me to deal fairly well under really not normal circumstances... like no real sleep or food for 3 days.

Yah, being an adult is crazy sometimes.

i brought my crap to Jerusalem, bought pillows, went to

El al. Put in stuff, buy foid

הי, אני חזרתי לארץ ומעוד רוצה להמשיך באנוש. שרי אמרה שיהיה כמה מתנדבות חדשות אז אני חושבת לבוא בסוף סדנת בישול כדי להגיד שלום ולא להפריע. עם יש מקום בסדנה עצמה, אשמח להתנדב שם קבוע אבל אני מבינה אם אין מקום ויהיה צפוף מדי. יש עוד מקומות באנוש שצריך או��י?

This is really hypocritical cuz im not really a sunscreen wearer... i like sitting in the sun in the summer. I like seeing freckles on my nose and lines on my feet. But for me, the difference is that i dont do tanning salons. I like natural, from the sun. But if you get gel nails done, the curing process was found to be corelated with getting cancer so anyone that gets it done, sunscreen or gloves. It's like going to a tanning bed all the time.

Its really hard right now to not let politics affect relationships. So honestly, i thank gd right now that the people closest to me arent into politics. And im with them. So hears to the people who have better things to talk about then politics

Sometimes i just want quiet, i want streets where no one knows me. I want real grass, i want to just breathe, i want to relax my mind. I want to be outside and inside at the same time. I want to be comfortable with myself and my surroundings. I want to be with people, and also alone. I feel sick and fine at the same time. Stop judging myself. Let gd judge you. I need to just love myself.

Because life is just overwhelming. And i run because i need to. And everything is just as it should be. I just need to trust hashem. And read thursdays tehillim. Thats it.

אז בזוהר כתו�� שהמרגלים אהבו את בועה הרוחנית שלהם במדבר- שלא הצטרכו לעבוד, עסקו כל הזמן ברוחניות. הבעיה של צלפחד לפי רב שמעון בר יוחאי היה שהוא עשה השוואות בין עצים. יש את העץ הדעת והעץ החיים. והמרגלים רצו לחיות ב"עולם" של העץ החיים- רוחני, חיים במדבר, בלי הקושי של להקים מדינה או להילחם. צלפחד האמין בקצה השני- שהדבר הכי חשוב זה לעבוד בעולם, ולהבין בין טוב ורע (ה"עולם" של העץ הדעת). העניין הוא שצריך את שניהם כדי לחיות, ואחד לא יותר חשוב מהשני. מבחינת שהפילו עליו אבנים- כתוב בזוהר שההשקפה הזאת של לעבוד כל הזמן ולהיות מכורים לעבודה גורם ללב להיות קשה/ קשוח מדי כמו אבן. וגם אבן= א (השם, והעולם הרוחני) בן= אותו גמטריה של המילה בהמה (העולם הגשמי). יעני להפיל עליו את הרעיון הזה שהחיים שלנו צריך לכלול את שתי העולמות, שיש לנו תפקיד בעולם, אבל גם יש לנו את שבת.

So the zohar says that the spies basically loved the spiritual bubble of the desert. They didnt need to lift a finger, and they could spend all there time in spirtuality. The guy who didnt keep shabbos, was actually tzlafchad (whos daughters loved israel so much they begged moshe for land there) and his issue according to rav shimon bar yochai was that he compaired trees. Basically theres the tree of knowledge- (we recognize this from adam and chava and its all about the struggle between right and wrong), and the tree of life (all spirtual). So the spies wanted to exist only in the realm of the tree of life- desert life, spiritual, no struggles of starting up a country. And we see that was wrong. So tzlafchad believed in the other extreme- the tree of knowledge, that the most important thing is working in the world and figuring it out. The thing is- u need both. U need shabbos. One isnt more important, they are both needed to sustain our lives. So when we say he was stoned, the zohar says, that negating the rest of shabbos, ie: workaholicism/productivity addiction makes a persons heart hard or tough like a stone, too tough. So אבן- stone is really like א- hashem or spirtuality, and the gematria of ben= 52 like behaima (animal)- as if to say- pelt him with the idea that the physical animalistic world needs to go together with the spiritual world, where we both have our purpose, but also the break from it that we need to not get burn out. If u want the whole speech- its "the sin of compairing trees" on youtube

[canyouheatmeuponafrozennight]

Watched: Kingohger

You ever think it's good but don't like it for real, from the bottom of your heart? Not that it had something bad or unforgivable, it really just didn't invoke any emotion within after a whole year? I want to explore why I feel this way.

Story

If I had to choose, I'd say Part 1 pleased me more than Part 2; a clearer pair of villains, Racles and Deathnarak, plus the drama of the kings not getting along well. Racles' generals were weaker than Deathnarak's, as Kamejin also had my eyes on him because I kept waiting for his betrayal (in my prediction he was the real final boss though). The first episode of part 2 was easily a favorite of all time to me, a perfect formula to introduce villains and heroes, it could easily be the first episode of the show (or any show), but after that I felt my interest for it decrease. Dagded was very one dimensional, and I feel his generals were much more devices for the gimmick of the week than characters. Glodi was the closest one to being someone, but ultimately was 3:7 on the character:device scale.

I think maybe to some extent, once the scale grows to we are saving the world, my heart disconnects a little from the narrative. A war between races, the constant political plotting of Racles felt much more drawing to me than what Part 2 offered altogether on the battle for the world. I don't think they mishandled it, there were still very good moments, and as, to begin with, the kingdoms were characters themselves, there is grounds for one to be invested in them enough to care for the world, it just didn't happen to me. Only the loss of Ncosopa really felt like something at the time, but I don't think there was much realism to the destruction of kingdoms. Dagded drops a rain of meteors on the city, and in a few episodes everyone is living normally in Shugoddam again, until another threat befalls it and for an episode it's in ruins again. (A part of me wants to say the sets being mostly/often CG distanced my heart from it, but Im not sure that could be it)

Conclusion-wise, Part 1 also had a much better finale than Part 2, I was crying with Gira apologizing to Deathnarak, while Dagded died without any particular emotion. (and to think the robot sacrificing itself is one my of fetishes, it had grounds to be something I liked, yet it didn't move me. maybe they shouldve been a little more characterized if that was their endgame? maybe be little precure fairies around the rangers? maybe make them a little more like the right hand of each king? only gira understood and saw them as people from beginning to end, hard for me to care when only gira cared [and gira only cared every 15 episodes either?])

Characters

It's very much a character-driven show (perhaps that can be said of all sentai, but i felt kingohger was placing almost all chips on its characters), and the chars are indeed good. Wouldn't say they're complex, they're straightforward with their goals, gimmicks and actions. Putting it into words like this, I think that's a world that summarizes Kingohger very well, it is sincere from head to toe. (Maybe that could be it? I talked about it to a friend once, and mentioned how it's the perfect good show, but its exactly because it was crafted so perfectly that I couldnt resonate with the soul of the show. For it to reach me, it had to be a little more twisted, a little dirtier, a little worse even maybe, for something to reach beyond the screen and touch my heartstrings)

At first I liked Yanma the most, but Kaguragi was who grew the most on me. His final character episode, with Iroki, was my favorite episode in the show, easily. Considering how sincere the show is, it's funny that one of the main cast is a compulsive liar(-like creature) who plays on all sides. If I had to rank them, Yanma and Kaguragi would be top tier, Himeno and Rita mid tier, and Gira and Jellamy the bottom one. On some focus episodes they move a tier above, but never fall one, so the writing was consistent and didn't lose sight of the characters (except for that one incident with Yanma and Jellamy what were they thinking).

Shiokara is the best right hand, but I think all of them are fantastic. My dream finale (and insincere probably) was that the kings are defeated and Gira spends a century holding back Dagded while their people run away, and the final battle takes place with the right hands becoming the kingohgers and defeating Dagded, carrying on the wills and legacy of their kings. So much of the show was spent crafting them, I'd have loved for their payoff to be something beyond just happily forever being the support cast.

Humor

Forgive me but this entry was criminally unfunny. From Kira to Donbros there was plenty of comedy, and some episodes entirely dedicated to the comedy, and even if some jokes didn't land well, the overall output was so good that it didn't stick out, only rhythm game players die over a bad rating amidst 100 perfects. Kingohger, however, occasionally hit a good after 100 misses and bads, making me pray for the serious episodes never to end. This however isn't a dealbreaker and isn't what made me not feel much for the series, I just find it incredible how bad the comedy was. Never hire whoever wrote the jokes for this show again Toei.

In Conclusion

I guess it was just too clean and too sincere for me. Someone with a pure soul will clearly take this and accept it as the kino it is, with their minds and their souls, but I'm a bit twisted and can think with my mind that it's great, but my soul couldn't connect with this world, much to my chagrin.

[jupitercl0uds]

im trying to wrap my head around the fact that i'll probably never be a particularly popular person nor will i be amazingly stupendously talented but its ok because i have close friends and i AM talented, im just not a genius and it is HARD.

i think the reason i think that way is because when i was younger, i WAS really smart for my age. when i was in year 3, there was a main y3 class, a main y4 class and a year 3/4. i was in year 3/4 with only like 6 other y3s in a class of roughly 30. this meant i was doing y4 work in y3.

now, i'm still really smart, but a normal amount. i'm really upset that i'm not top of the class in anything, even though i'm still high up and i know that's an unattainable goal. the only 2 things i'd imagine being top in would be english (mostly english language) and possibly art??? and either way i know im not gonna be top of either class. it doesn't help that a lot of my friends actually ARE top of the class and more talented.

as for popularity, it's a similar story. before i moved house, i actually was popular. i was in at least 3 friend groups and only really had 1 or 2 people i Didn't Like in my school.

the main difference being, it's not as if my popularity faded out. when i moved, it went from 'friend to basically everyone' to 'absolutely no friends and only bullies'. later in the year, i did make a friend, and i'm still friends with her, but bullying has kinda been a constant for me. it's only lately that it's been more mild teasing than bullying, but i still have to try to keep my head down.

i don't actually want to be popular. i hate popularity. but, i also really hate NOT being popular. i think it's because i am an extrovert by nature, but i've just kinda been conditioned into becoming an introvert so that i dont get bullied. and i want to be popular in the spaces where i actually like the other people. school is not one of those spaces.

i'm well aware talent and popularity are completely pointless in terms of worth, but for some reason, i have to be the best at everything or i hate myself. AND i have to be a polymath. i have to be one of a kind. and i hate it. why can't i just be content with normality? i'll be surprised if i dont pass all my GCSEs, and i know i'm probably getting 8s and 9s on a few things. alas, that's not enough in my head. shame.

oh, another fun thing: due to bullying, i hate being comforted because i'm used to it being a joke, so even when i know it's genuinely a nice thing, i don't like it. also, it shows concern, so if i'm causing concern, someone is WORRIED, and therefore, i'm evil because i made someone feel bad due to feeling bad myself. i hate my brain too 👍

[isolated-bug]

I totally understand the frustration of not having a clean resolution showing the politics shifting or responsibility being taken by those who have caused harm or perpetuated it. I totally understand feeling dissatisfied with fake deaths. So here is what i will say to that: I dont want to assume anything about anyones knowledge of League of Legends and its lore outside of Arcane, but it seems to me like perhaps you arent terribly familiar with it. Arcane is beholden to remain aligned with League of Legends current lore, especially as it was announced to be adopted as canon for the games universe. Currently in League of Legends, Zaun is still fairly destitute, it still has conflict with Piltover, it still has chem barons, Jinx is still alive causing mayhem etc etc. One of the major consistent themes of Piltover is the fact that they NEVER take accountability or responsibility for the way they negatively impact Zaun or others. Here is some background about Piltover and Zaun. Originally, there was no Piltover. Just Zaun, though im uncertain if it had that name at that time. It was a major mining export and very lucrative. The business owners running the mines were greedy and basically used Zaunites as slave labor to continue to grow their wealth. They were too aggressive with the mining they were doing and at some point, the city of Zaun, which was originally at a normal level of terrain, sunk into the mining crevice due to poor explosive positioning. The wealthy who were profiting off of the mines? instead of rebuilding and helping the people whose homes had now sunk into the sumps relocate? They just.... built a town on top of them. Piltover. Aka "over the Pilt" Its not showcased well in Arcane because they make the bridge such a major fixation point but Zaun is NOT the slums on the other side of the bridge. The other side of the bridge is just like... Piltover suburbs and smaller or less significant city space. Zaun is UNDERNEATH Piltover in the fracking ravine from the mining industry. I will include one of my favorite art pieces below of a vertical showcase of Piltover vs Zaun. So, Piltover even in its very foundation was always taking advantage of Zaunites and profiting off of their struggles and poverty. You are right, regardless of whether Silco's methods were good or bad, a revolution and independence NEEDS to happen for Zaun. But Piltover will never properly acknowledge their misdoings. they will ALWAYS minimize it. And Zaun is put in a position of taking what they can get and being grateful for it. SO as the victims they will always have to forgive even if the "apology" doesnt properly make up for the wrongs as far as Jinx goes? Her original lore had some vague reference to how she had to leave Zaun after a major event. She traveled to Noxus, Demacia, and other places in Runterra before returning home. I think that Arcane is now canonically that "major event" and we will see Jinx act as our guide or an occasional perspective into the new series Riot makes about Demacia, Noxus, and possibly even see her in Ionia. I think 100% she will be in Demacia, mainly because League of Legends lore and AUs often times tie Jinx to a character, Lux, from Demacia and they are always best friends. I have a feeling we will see Jinx and Lux hanging out together in that region. I also have a feeling we will see her in Noxus as Legends of Runterra (the card game) has Jinx currently on the path of champions going to Noxus to test her mettle against its warriors and having a ball getting into fighting competitions. Legends of Runeterra tends to be accepted as semi-canon most of the time so.. i think they are showcasing reasons for her to be in Noxus.

And regarding her faking her death? this is a constant with Jinx. There was a story in her original lore of how she broke into a bank vault or something in Piltover after announcing she would be doing it. Vi and Cait go to stop her but she had already snuck inside. Vi confronts her and they have a major battle. Vi recklessly punches out some support pillars in the building and combined with Jinxs explosives, this all causes the building to collapse. In the aftermath, they cant find Jinxs body, just her doodles. and Vi assumes she died because how could she have survived being crushed by cement and steel but its suggested she had a sneaky exit and survived. So the playful stunt of fake death is part of Jinx's character.

there’s something really similar in the way s2 (mis)handles the conflicts between piltover and zaun, vander and silco, and caitlyn and vi.

one side is at fault for the rift. there are inciting incidents of abuse or extreme violence with a very clear perpetrator. and then when it comes to fixing it, all the perpetrator does is briefly acknowledge that they weren’t in the right. they don’t try to make amends or atone for their actions. and then the show presents it like the victim has a responsibility to completely forgive them, move on, and act like it never happened, and that is the only way for anyone to heal.

the show tried to make a point about how the cycle of violence needs to stop while never addressing how the sides were nowhere near equal footing or fault and their violence was not mutual. and it acted like if the cycle of violence continued, it was always the fault of the victim. silco and zaun and vi are the ones who have the burden of fixing things placed upon them, not vander or piltover or caitlyn.

[sparring-spirals]

Road trip with the Bells Hell's! Who's driving, who's in front, who has control of the music, who insists they stop every 10 minutes for photos? Etc. Etc.

My genuine apologies for this answer also being a million years late. Here's hoping you see this answer somehow.

anyway, im honestly pretty bad at these kinds of modern-au fanfic style hypotheticals. (my brain is kind of bad at putting the characters into alternative universes?), so im not really going to claim accuracy to characters here. but some rough, purely-for-fun thoughts, assuming a modern AU with like. A car. multiple cars. I started just vibing with it by the end, so its a bit long. enjoy?

- Orym drives at least a part of it, of course! That said, he actually doesn't drive the bulk of it- he spends a nice amount of time sticking his face out the window and enjoying the ride. Napping while leaning against Fearne. Makes sure people are hydrated and stretch their legs, but ideally chills out too. ideally. (its so hard for me to imagine orym in a modern setting, much less an orym without his hypervigilant survivors guilt and protective instincts going haywire. orym on a roadtrip mostly makes me want him to be relaxing a little, Orym PLEASE).

- Ashton actually drives a solid chunk, and is also one of the primary people to ensure there are sufficient stops for people to get out and stretch their legs, uses the bathroom, gets food, and also has some absolutely wild fixes for carsickness that??? work????? he'd be instigating rowdy car games the rest of the time, maybe napping.

- F.C.G found a manual on roadtrips and is SO excited about it. He's figured out optimal times for breaks based on human needs and also Every Single Significant Landmark from here to there. His desire for Exact Breaks and constant enquiring is tempered by Ashton's pretty-solid instincts for these things, but they DO end up stopping for all the landmarks and photo ops. Its for all of them, obviously (its for F.C.G).

- This is okay because Laudna is ALSO extremely excited about these landmarks and photo ops. Look at those WILD ROCK FORMATIONS!!!!!! Look at this ghost town! Wow!!!!!!! :O :D Laudna is excited to drive, but I'm not sure she does so for very long. she also does puppet shows to help pass the time during travel.

- Fearne is also benefitted by the frequent stops. and the puppet shows. its not that she gets antsy but... she gets a little antsy. everyone is in the car with her. you know. she has a good time though! she also offers to drive. the offer is not accepted.

- Look, lets be real, Imogen might have a pretty rough time stuck in SUPER close prox (car if we're putting them in modern times) with everyone, as much as she might love them. Im almost certain that due to the universe's love for tormenting her she would be more prone to carsickness. sorry imogen. that said, everyone's collective efforts probably even it out somewhat. she ends up in shotgun out of kindness, and probaboy has a lovely time at the stops and seeing the wilderness and whatnot. maybe less fond of tourist traps.

- Chetney calls shotgun based on seniority, but throughout the trip ends up ceding it to the others who might benefit from it- Imogen if she needs the space, Ashton if the squished backseats and touching are doing a number on him, Fearne for her height. He also drives for a portion, citing that he doesn't want the whippersnappers to drive them to their deaths (and giving everyone a break as needed). He WILL complain about everyone else's music taste but lets them change it around.

- I have no idea about the aux honestly. Driver gets dibs but usually ends up ceding it to someone. They cycle through everyone's music. It is usually drowned out by rowdy behaviour and excitement unless everyone is napping. Then Imogen or Orym's music gets put on because Ashton and Chetney's would be too aggressive for that and Laudna and Fearne's scares people slightly. F.C.G's playlist is just top 20 pop hits and whatever Dancer would have listened to. Disaster lesbian stuff probably.

- Roadtrip games include:

-- various forms of fuck marry kill verging from hilarious (gus is IN A RELATIONSHIP), to concerning/trauma based (should we be suggesting delilah here????), to deeply philosophical (can you fuck ruidus as a concept?).

-- i spy but with multiple arbitrary rules tacked on

-- ghost stories (no one said it was ONLY a campfire tradition)

-- a few rounds of what the fuck is up with that

-- therapy session probably

-- "can you light this on fire?" a game suggested by Fearne and immediately vetoed by everyone, the cowards

-- rowdy and excitable singing

- This is a modern au so i guess they won't be attacked by monsters but they need to have at least 1 flat or something during the trip. it all works out though.

-- chetney has one of those travel sets of chess with meticulously carved pieces. half of the party doesn't know how to play chess. its very fun.

-- puppet shows. IMPROVISED puppet shows. its a disastsr.

- oh my god the stories that pop up from the rest stops they visit though