#and on a music topic I still can't figure out what the song is

[advluv4life]

I need to know where to find the instrumental music that plays whenever Min Ho & Kitty have a moment. It is such a pretty piece & I need it in my life. I need to cry to it a little bit without disrupting the show lol

[tealvenetianmask]

How Blitz and Stolas figure out how they feel: external vs. internal processing

I've been in therapy a ton (feeling like I'm not alone in that in this fandom), and one of the things I've learned from it is that I like to process my thoughts and feelings externally- by talking about them. It turns out not everyone is like that. I'm like Blitz in this way.

I first got on this topic when I was thinking about how Blitz flip flops in Apology Tour. When he goes to see Stolas at the beginning of the episode, he goes in with an idea he's trying out- a narrative he's committed to FOR NOW, insisting that he's there to reinstate the full moon deal with TONS of undue and shaky confidence.

Is this plan something he's actually confident in? Absolutely not. But he's going to commit to it damnit and see how it plays out. Does he believe it? I think he does in the moment. He's convinced himself anyway, and when Stolas wears him down and he understands that he's not doing himself any favors . . .

He starts processing the real shit aloud.

I don't think Blitz has ever admitted this to himself, at least not this articulately and accurately. He needs to say it aloud in order for it to be real. Oops too real.

He's SCARED because he didn't even KNOW he felt this way, but things are becoming very clear and dangerously close to the heart of the matter . . . so he pivots again back into comfortable territory (conflict).

By the end of the conversation, he arrives at a new mission, one that's sort of an equilibrium between his realizations about his honest feelings and his need to have a mission he feels confident in. He's not all confident or all honest- he's still in flux.

There are SO many more examples of Blitz realizing how he feels BY TALKING (later in Apology Tour when he's talking to Stolas, and then when he's talking to Verosika . . . but then also back in Oops, etc.), but I'm going to leave it at one for brevity here. What's important is that we NEVER see Blitz processing alone. Even in his part of the duet (more on songs in a sec), when he's technically singing to himself, he's consoling himself with a narrative rather than really processing the things that need to be processed.

Blitz needs a person to process with.

But Stolas is an internal processor. We know this already because he made the plan to give Blitz the Asmodean crystal and sat on it for literal months, procuring the crystal, ironing out what he would say, trying to initiate conversations with Blitz, but never explaining how he felt to anyone before it was time- and absolutely NEVER in a way that was half baked.

The way Stolas sings his feelings actually gives us a really clear and beautiful picture of how he processes and figures things out. I forget who said it, but someone on the Helluva creative team referenced a broadway truism that in a musical, characters sing what they can't speak. I think for Stolas it's often what he can't YET speak because he's still processing. He has full honest conversations with himself (Stolas Sings, Just Look My Way), and then when he's face to face with Blitz, he knows exactly what he wants to say. His feelings and beliefs actually progress from song to song- he expresses his awareness of a problem in Stolas Sings and gets more precise about how he feels and what he needs to do about it in Just Look My Way.

By The Full Moon, for better or worse (kind of both), Stolas knows exactly what he wants to say to Blitz and how he wants to say it.

Even when he's upset, angry, and then drunk, when Stolas speaks about his feelings, he's consistent. He's decided. He loves Blitz. He wants a real relationship. From his point of view, he doesn't care about social class, so he can't understand why Blitz is so stuck on it.

But he's missing something key (it's the social class thing- it's definitely the social class thing), and internally, he's cooking, and we see that (again) when he sings.

This is the rawest and most in flux stage of his thought process that we've seen. Because this is how he figures out what he thinks and feels- with himself, in song.

Okay- so interesting psychoanalysis- why does this matter to the story?

Well, I think that Stolas doesn't understand that when Blitz speaks in these super emotional, fraught conversations, he doesn't go in knowing what he thinks and feels. He's figuring it out on the fly. He's figuring it out BY talking, and needs to be allowed to do that. Should he do this with a therapist instead of with the person most likely to be hurt by the ideas he flies through on his way to his true feelings? For sure, but this is Blitz.

In turn, Blitz doesn't understand that when Stolas acts absolutely certain and doesn't seem to take in the things Blitz is saying, he's not talking to a brick wall. He's talking to a moveable person who, once he's alone (or singing) is going over and over everything and breaking his thoughts down and reformulating until he arrives at something new.

So . . . it might be a little much to ask these two to understand each other's different processing styles- but they're coming along in their own ways. And I'm looking forward to them understanding each other. Someday. Maybe. Fucking sit down and talk. Slowly. AGH.

[smoshyourheadin]

spencer idea!

he is having the reader over for like the 3rd ish time yes they met on a dating app

but this time reader is so excited because it’s their first sleepover and they play games and hang out!!!

I’ll Make You Banana Pancakes

pairing: spencer agnew x f!reader

a/n: ANON I LOVE THIS!! ugh he’s so cutie. also this is short n sweet but i hope u enjoy either way!!

requests are open <33

it started with a swipe. spencer's profile, with pictures of him at comic-con and a shelf lined with action figures in the background of a picture of him and his friends, caught your eye immediately. your heart raced as you read through his bio, filled with references to your favorite games, movies, and tv shows. you couldn't believe your luck – it was like someone had designed a profile just for you.

your first conversation was effortless, flowing from one topic to another as you discovered more things about him that you adored. within days, you were spending evenings chatting about your favorite franchises and playing runescape together. you’d already met in person a couple of times, each date better than the last, leading up to this third and much-anticipated meeting.

and so here you are. stood at his apartment door, heart pounding with a mix of excitement and nerves. he opens the door, and his warm smile puts you at ease instantly.

“hello there.” he says

“general kenobi!” you reply, in your best greivous voice.

he smiles widely at this, and you step inside. you notice the table set up with your favorite snacks – sweet and salty popcorn, sour patch kids, and a mt dew kickstart. the gesture is small but meaningful, and it made you feel seen, your chest growing warm as you settled onto the couch. you feel a blush creep up your cheeks. being known in this way, having your preferences remembered, makes you feel special. it’s a new feeling, one that makes you feel really, really happy, but vulnerable almost. you’re kind of shy at first, not knowing what to do with yourself, but the comfort of his presence makes it easier to relax.

you start with a few rounds of mario kart, laughter and warmth filling the room as you battle for first place. after a particularly intense race, you pull out your secret weapon – a copy of spyro for the ps4. you flash him a confident grin.

"watch me crush this," you declare, eyes sparkling with excitement. “it’s my party trick!”

as you play through the fight between spyro and gnasty gnorc, you expertly navigate the world as you chase and headbutt him, eventually earning all 500 gems.

you stand up and raise your hands in victory and shout “OH YEAH! told you!”

sitting back down, spencer tells you how impressed he is, and you bow. he tells you all about how he and his friends used to play spyro as kids, leading you to spend hours reminiscing about your favorite childhood games. the conversation flows, and by now pretty late, so you decide to watch cowboy bebop in his bedroom. cuddled on his bed, the familiar intro song plays softly as you sing along. it’s a perfect end to a perfect day.

eventually, you lie down with him, your legs tangling together under the covers. the closeness is comforting, a silent promise of many more nights like this to come. you drift off to sleep with a smile on your face, feeling safe in the gentle embrace of his arms.

the morning comes around, and you wake up to the sound of soft jazz music spilling from the kitchen, and the delicious aroma of pancakes. you then tiptoe to the kitchen doorway and watch him for a moment, completely absorbed in his movements. the sight makes your chest warm with affection, and you can't help but giggle softly.

your giggle catches his attention, and he turns around with a smile.

“morning princess. sleep well?” he says, turning back around to the stove

“mhm.” is all you manage to reply, head still foggy with sleep.

you walk over to him, heart swelling with emotion, and you gently kiss his cheek and lean your head on his shoulder, the moment feeling both intimate and perfect. you stand there in the kitchen, surrounded by the scent of pancakes and the sound of old jazz, enjoying the simple but profound pleasure of being together with your dream man. and you were happy.

[upswnel]

FRENCH AS IN...?

— gojo satoru x afab!reader, mutual pining, academic rivalish friends?, suggestive, collage au!

the evening found satoru and her lounging side by side in his apartment, having just wrapped up a grueling assignment.

the soft strains of françoise hardy's music filled the room, emanating from her phone, while he was engrossed in an intense online chess match.

as the song played on, she suddenly broke the silence. “hey, satoru, do you know french?”

he paused, momentarily confused. his attention had been so absorbed in the game that he hadn’t registered the music’s language, he was completely out of context. assuming she meant something different, he interpreted her question in a more... personal way.

what now, after insulting him non-stop and annoying him by saying no one will ever put up with his narcissistic, egoistic, insufferable, stupid character and how he'll probably die alone with his cat snow; she was suddenly interested in his personal life?

after a brief hesitation, he turned to face her, a confused look on his face. “uh, why do you ask?”

she shrugged, her gaze a little annoyed. she has always been jelaous of how well-rounded he was. he was not only the star player of the soccer team but the way he pulled off every single electric guitar solo she swooned over, the way he competed against her in one of the only fields she was assertive in, playing the piano. as if all these weren't enough, he still managed to keep her on her toes, threatening the academic throne she worked so hard to keep to herself.

“well, since there’s nothing you can’t do well and nothing you don’t know about, i just wondered if you know it too.” she admitted begrudgingly, the playful roll of her eyes made him question the whole ordeal even further.

but still assuming she was referring to something more intimate, he gave her a nonchalant shrug. “yeah, i know it.” he wasn’t quite sure why she was asking, but he figured he might as well answer.

her eyes lit up with excitement, and she leaned in closer. “really? could you tutor me? i’ve been dying to learn french! there were a couple of times i tried to finally give it a go but it always scared me off a little, you know?”

wow, okay.

satoru’s mind went blank. her request for a “french tutor” threw him off completely. he was momentarily distracted as his chess match ended with his opponent’s victory. shaking off his confusion, he turned back to her, processing the situation. “you want me to... teach you?”

she nodded, oblivious to the misunderstanding. “yeah! i’ve always wanted to learn. why do you look so surprised?” she let out a nervous chuckle.

satoru slowly leaned in closer, his heart racing. “are you sure about this?” she was taken aback by the sudden proximity, her cheeks flushing. “yes...?” she managed to reply. though, through her voice it was obvious she was slightly confused.

he reached for the water bottle beside him. "why do you wanna learn it anyway?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. he kept eye contact as the water flowed down his throat, cooling his senses a bit. why would someone want to learn it and ask for it? you get the hang of it when you... just do it with someone you want to... kiss, right? that's not something to ask of your... well certainly not someone you can't even name your relation with.

she pondered for a second. "well... it is very useful in some areas and i kinda like the way it sounds."

he almost choked. coughing as she patted on his back worriedly. "h- hey! are you okay? god, you can't even drink water properly."

he composed himself, clearing his throat before taking a glance at her out the corner of his eye.

well, she was certainly not the type to bring up this kind of topic, especially with him. his gaze lingered on her for a few seconds, the way she looked at him with those both despising and amused eyes; her lips forming a slight smirk as her hand still rested on his back.

he's gotta be honest. he really wondered how it would be like to kiss her. always so aloof and teasing, enjoying to have the upper-hand, nagging at him and making fun of him every chance she gets. the desire to have her putty in his hands made the adrenalin surge through his veins. she doesn't seem like the type to melt in his arms as his lips moved against hers though. but since she wants to learn it, does this mean she's completely inexperienced?

the imagary of her with burning cheeks and laboured breath made something snap in him. having her arms wrapped around his neck as he felt her heart pounding against his chest, the way she would feel so desperate to have his flushed lips on hers again, minds hazy with the dance of their tongues seconds ago but she just can't seem to get enough of his addicting taste you know? oh and the way his hands would slide up her sh-

hey! get a grip, man!

he shut his eyes and rubbed his temples before turning to face her. they just sat in silence for a few moments before he sighed and leaned in. "you want to... you sure?"

her hands found their place on his chest to make him keep his distance. was he acting weird or was it her? she couldn't quite understand his strange behaviour but she let out a hesitant 'yes'.

with that confirmation, he closed the gap between them, capturing her lips in a sweet, gentle kiss. his large hands on both sides of her face, his thumb caressing her cheek bones.

he wasn't even sure what he was doing. his mind was spinning with both perplexity and desire. why was he doing this? he just momentarily craved her touch but kissing her was like they had crossed a boundary they hadn’t intended to.

the initial contact was tender, but as he deepened the kiss, it grew more passionate, his tongue lightly brushing against hers. her eyes widened in shock, and she pulled away, her face burning bright red. “what- what are you doing?” she stammered, her voice barely above a whisper.

satoru looked just as flustered, his own cheeks tinged pink. “well, didn’t you ask me to teach you french kissing?”

she was mortified, her mind racing as she realized the mix-up. “no, I meant french as in the language! i didn’t mean... that!” she hated how her stomach twisted and how something in her chest fluttered.

the room fell into a stunned silence. her gulps were audible though. neither of them could muster the words to comment on what had just happened. the unexpected kiss, combined with the misunderstanding, left them both too embarrassed to even tease each other.

satoru cleared his throat, his usual confident demeanor completely absent. “so, uh, we... we should probably just forget about this.”

she nodded quickly, still blushing furiously. “yes, definitely. i... i didn’t mean for any of that to happen.”

the air was thick with awkwardness, and despite the lingering embarrassment, there was a shared understanding that the situation was more than just a simple mix-up. and now, both were grappling with the newfound complexity of their feelings.

with a final awkward glance, they turned back to their respective tasks, the playful and teasing dynamic they once shared replaced with an uncertain, lingering tension. they had literally kissed, and the implications of that were far beyond their usual banter.

—

let me know if you want a steamier part two! ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ✧

[fashionteahouse]

hey! could you do a jared x reader where reader moves to la push from a small village in england, and out on a walk, she bumps into jared and he imprints on her? he tells her about it, but she’s unsure if she should accept the imprint or not. ps. I love your writing !!!

hiii ! sure i can and thanks so much ur too sweet <333 ! hope you enjoy :)

love scars - jared x reader

The looks you got from your family when you announced new location you were moving to, wasn’t anything new. They were used to the spontaneous trips that you loved to take.

The tight knit village that you came from motivated you to go out and see what more is out in the world.

When you traveled to the states, you didn’t expect certain places to steal your heart. La Push was one of those places.

As a young person, you always wanted to live in the US, so living there was like living your childhood dream.

You enjoyed the different culture, you enjoyed the landscapes as you loved to take walks.

On this particular day, your headphones hung from your ears. The lyrics wafted through your ears and set the peaceful tone as you moved your legs forward.

You saw a figure, he was around your age. Walking closer, you saw that he was listening to music as well. You both passed each other, the eye contact was overwhelming. You've never felt anything like it but, it still felt familiar.

You turn your head back forward, trying your best to listen to the lyrics that were whining.

You found the locals to be very nice and welcoming. You were referred to a good record store.

On this particular day, you took your time thumbing through the different music with designs printed on the media.

"Yes! They have my favorite." You hear. You look up to see who said such thing.

A smiling man holds up the hard copy. You must've stared for too long, his eyes snap to yours. You realize it was the guy from you had seen some time ago.

You turn around, due to not looking like a creep. You mentally kicked yourself.

"What are you getting?"

You pause, wondering if he was talking to you. You point to yourself and he found himself nodding with the friendly smile displayed on his face.

"I'm not sure." you say.

"Where are you from?" he immediately asks after hearing you speak. Your cheeks become hot, you realized this attractive person was in close proximity. You tell him where you were from.

He looked interested as he asked small questions about the different country.

"Man, I would love to visit that place." he voiced out.

"You should." you encourage.

On a bus, you two sit across from each other, as you both were going to the same neighborhood.

He made the ride fun. His sense of humor made you show your teeth due to his jokes. You were nervous to be in his presence but you felt yourself relax as each minute passed.

He leans forward and places a headphone bud in your ear and placed the other one in his ear.

You two were now close to each other as you both grin and softly bop to the song that he chose.

At your stop, you say a sad goodbye.

Your sad goodbye earned you his phone number.

That night, you two stayed up late into the night. You both talked about each other's interests, dreams, and hobbies.

"Why can't you leave La Push?" you ask one night as you both sat on a rock on the cold beach.

He takes a look at you before saying, "It's a bit complicated."

You look down to his lap as you felt bad that he seemed bummed at the fact.

He lifts your chin, "This place isn't so bad."

"Yeah but, you couldn't take your baseball scholarship." you say sadly as you thought back to the information he revealed to you.

He shrugs, being a good sport about it, "I have duties to fulfill here."

"What kind of duties?" you ask.

"One day you will know." he just says. The mystery was eating at you. You wanted to know right then and there.

He changed the topic. He asked about the places you have traveled to. You gladly gush to him about your experiences.

He invited you over. You both shared a first kiss. It felt right. It felt like it was supposed to happen. He had your stomach fluttering as he wasn't shy about working his talented mouth. As his tongue danced against yours in perfect rhythm, you clutch to the nap of his neck as your head tilted to give him a better angle.

You both sat across from each other at the intimate table. Both elbows from both bodies were folded on the table as both faces were near each other. The legs underneath the table were against each other as you both displayed the emotion of joy.

You were glad to accept the date.

You had to contain yourself from dancing when he asked you.

He leans forward and you both slowly taste each other, without a care in the world. You two were just two young people experiencing something great.

After a month of spending most of your days with him, a commercial ad break comes onto his television screen.

"Can I tell you something?" he asks quietly. You take a look at his face as he shows himself being serious, his face. You nod. You even go as far as interlacing your hand with his. He brushed his thumb across the back of your hand.

"We have legends about protectors." he says to you. Your interest peaks.

"Really?" you ask and he nods. He began to delve into the story of the spirit warriors. Your eyebrows raised with interest as you hear how he explains how the spirit warriors eventually evolved into physical transformation into wolves. The protectors in modern day is triggered by something called cold ones. You then learn that the cold ones are vampires.

"Okay, stop with the spooky stories." you tease as the living room was dark.

He gives off a chuckle, but it wasn't his usual amused emotion. The show you two were watching comes back on. You turn your focus back onto it, Jared turns his focus on how to tell you the other thing that's eating at him.

"Do you like it?" he asks you as his hands are cupping your happy cheeks.

You nod happily.

The necklace he gave you was handmade. You thought the gift was thoughtful and you kissed him to show your appreciation. He pulls back with a smack and you look at him stepping away.

Your silent question was answered as he then says to you, "Close your eyes but, please don't run." You nod slowly.

You stood still as you looked at the darkness through your eyelids. You open them to see a horse sized wolf staring back at you. Your heart is in your throat.

Your shaky hand is held in his as you both walk along the beach. You were dazed and confused.

"So, is it forever?" you ask him after he reveals to you what imprints are.

"Yes."

Its quiet. The only sound that's being heard is the footsteps you both are making.

You avoided him after that day. You lied through a text of why you couldn't come over.

It wasn't until he saw you in a grocery store. He called your name.

"What's going on? Are you avoiding me or something?"

You nervously shake your head.

He breaths in before asking, "I know that what I told you was a lot but, you know you can talk to me, right?"

"I know." you say in a small voice.

That night, he called you.

"I don't know if I can accept it." you say with your eyes closed.

It was silent on his end. You didn't know that he was slumped over as he sat on his bed, the phone to his ear. He swallowed the prickly feeling in his throat.

"W-why not?" he genuinely asks.

"I just...It's a lot." you say into the phone.

"Can I still see you?" he desperately asks, he doesn't make the effort to hide it.

"Sure..." you say. He detected the uncertainty in his voice.

"Do you still have the necklace I gave you?" he quietly asks.

"Yes. I do." you say and look at it laying on the nightstand. He seemed relieved.

Hanging up with him, it spun your mind as your mind thought back to the legends he told you. You didn't plan on coming here and diving into a supernatural world. You however, missed the simple moments with him.

Everything was starting to make sense as to why he couldn't leave. You put a pillow over your face as silent tears of frustration leaked out of your eyes. You couldn't imagine being stagnant in one place.

He looked at you as you both sat at the small intimate table. He knew it wasn't the same. He didn’t know love scars existed. He looked at your forced expressions and your somewhat fake laughs. He missed the easy going thing you two had going on. Regret started to flood his brain.

"I shouldn't have said anything." he thought in his head.

[kaija-rayne-author]

Would you recognize an autistic or ADHD person if you saw one?

What about an autistic or ADHD fictional character?

Many of y'all will say, of course.

And you'll be wrong.

I'm not talking to hatched autistics and ADHDers. We can usually spot others like us and autistic/ADHD coded characters in fiction.

Definition: A 'hatched' autistic or ADHDer is someone who knows they're one or the other or both, AND they understand and accept that pretending to be neurotypical is bad for us.

It actually kills us, so, yeah, bad. The leading causes of death for autistics is unaliving or heart attack from the stress of living in a world that was most certainly not created for us. In some ways, this world is antithetical to us.

We also experience the stress of what's known as 'masking'.

Our average age of death is 36 years old. Think about that for a second. 36. And the rates of unaliving in autistic and ADHD kids is utterly obscene. The suicide watch for parents of autistic kids starts at 8 years old. 8.

(I don't say this for everything, but self-diagnosis is absolutely valid for autism and ADHD. In a world where people can still be institutionalized or lose their kids because of an autism diagnosis--this is fact for Britain and several US states. France is awful for autistics-- self diagnosis must be valid so we can figure ourselves out without endangerment.)

Masking is where a traumatized autistic (and I've also never met or even heard about an untraumatized autistic/ADHDer) will create a, persona, almost, that lets us function in the world.

It's rarely intentional, my youngest son started masking at 4 in pre-kindergarten because he wanted other kids to like him and want to play with him. Even though our home is very supportive of diversity, especially about autism and ADHD, y'all... he was *4*.

Being autistic and/or ADHD is so damned lonely. Especially if you don't know why you're different. So we do our best to adapt. That can cause issues.

Masking isn't meant as a lie. It's survival instinct. Because even though the world absolutely doesn't treat us like we're human beings, we still are. We want to survive and thrive as much as the next hominid. We have all the same needs and desires as any other human.

But what about the rest of all y'all? Can you recognize us?

Last week, a music teacher banned a 6 year old autistic kid from the school concert because 'they would ruin the experience for the other children' this is after making the autistic kid learn and practice the songs for weeks. 6 years old and that kid already has scars from discrimination about a genetic condition he can't help. It's cruel and so damned inhumane. At worst, the kid probably sang off key and maybe fidgetted a bit. But that would 'ruin' the concert. It's not the Estonian Philharmonic Chamber Choir, lady, it's an elementary school concert. It's absolutely not worth scarring that poor kid over. It also happened back in 2022, and again in 2017.

People will have seen 'Atypical' or 'The Good Doctor' or, gods forbid, Rainman and think they know what autistic people look like. (You should probably know that the majority of autistics loathe those shows because the rep is so bad.)

But here's the thing.

You can't see autism or ADHD. Not just by looking at us. It's purely a brain wiring difference. People don't even believe me when I tell them I am if they've seen me in person. And I'm professionally diagnosed as both autistic & ADHD.

Sometimes, there are co occurring issues, like intellectual disability, that are confused with autism, but they aren't actually the autism or ADHD part of things.

I'm an autistic and ADHD advocate. I have a consultant option on my Patreon for people who want advice either for themselves or so they do the right thing by their kids. I'm autistic/ADHD, my kids are too. I've been researching and learning about the topic for close to a decade at this point. I truly know what I'm talking about. I understand the different flavours and experiences of these two types of neurodivergency extremely well.

As an aside, while I have you here, ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) is never the right thing. You know how gay conversion therapy is bad? The same person (Ivar Lovass) came up with ABA, and it's meant to do the same thing. To torture people, most often children, into pretending to be what someone else wants them to be. It doesn't support or help the autistic person.

Almost unilaterally, ABA causes a PTSD breakdown of self coming into our 30s. I say almost, but I've never even heard of an autistic person who has been tortured by ABA who hasn't developed severe PTSD.

If you tried to use the methods used in ABA on a dog, you'd be guilty of extreme animal cruelty.

Yet, because it's practiced on human children, it's fiiiiine. Big money lobbying has even made it so that ABA 'therapy' is the only one covered by a lot of insurances.

We can thank Autism $peaks for that. They are a hate group. They fit every bit of the definition of one and then some. (So please don't donate to them at the till. They love to pollute stores like Toys 'R' Us.)

Adult autistics have been speaking out against them forever. But since most autistics (80%) are under or unemployed, we don't have the kind of financial sway we'd need to get rid of them. Yes, this even counts for 'the new ABA'.

You can't save ABA. Putting a 2 year old human child through 40 hours weekly of 'training' so that they can look and act neurotypical is just flat out torture. Making a child 'extremely hungry or thirsty' so that they will do what you want is torture. There's just no other way to slice that apple. It's rotten to the core.

But back to my point.

Recently, someone disagreed with my opinion on a fictional character. I feel the character is autistic/ADHD coded, the other person disagreed.

That's cool. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. And it's fiction, whatever. I'm not mad or upset. (I'm slightly insulted, because if you're not autistic/ADHD, [and a comparison they suggested made me think they definitely weren't] it's definitely not your place to disagree with one of us who says a character is autistic/ADHD coded. It's disrespectful and more than a little ableist. Simply because so many people have the completely wrong idea about both conditions.)

Regardless, the important part for a fictional character is that a person was able to see themselves in the character, to empathize with them. So it's not a big deal.

But it got me thinking about this.

Would most people recognize the subtle signs? They're almost always extremely subtle.

Ever hear of 'resting bitch face'? It's an incredibly common autistic trait because we either emote less or we emote differently than neurotypicals. In our world, it's known as 'flat face effect'. I have it, and I've been harmed many times because it looks like I'm pissed off even when I'm having a good time or I'm just deep in thought. I've got a firey temper, trust me when I say you'll know it when I'm pissed off.

So. You see a character (or even a person) who doesn't emote a lot? Or emotes extremely subtly? Wellll... that's a good clue.

So, X fictional character (or person) has odd or esoteric knowledge or hobbies. That's a good clue.

Are they nerdy or geeky in some way?

Most autistics and many ADHDers experience what's known as hyperfixation on special interests. Ever see someone get so fascinated by a topic or skill or activity that they get lost in it?

Forget to eat or drink?

Learn to do an obscure craft just because they wanted to know how it's done? That person is likely autistic or ADHD or both. It applies to fictional characters too.

Are they stand-offish? Many of us are for various reasons. One is that we're trying to figure out the 'rules' of wherever and whoever we're with.

Why all y'all insist on staring creepily at each others eyeballs is beyond me. I find it either too intimate, painfully so, or just ridiculous.

That quiet character (or person) who warms up slowly? There's a hint.

Another reason we tend to be cool with strangers is that ever present trauma thing. So many autists and ADHDers get to the point in life where we just don't have it in us anymore to keep trying to make social connections. A very common trait of both autism and ADHD is a lack of understanding of neurotypical social rules. And trust me, y'all have them.

Does the character or person fidget? Either subtly or more obviously?

It's called stimming. I had to learn to do it unobtrusively, so I'll suck air through my teeth (my dentist isn't impressed by this), circle my pointer finger around my thumb, tap the pad of each finger on my thumb in a rhythm, count silently to myself... the list is probably endless. I intentionally leave the cuticles on my thumbs rough, because I often rub the forefinger or ring finger of that hand over the rough cuticle as a stim.

Maybe they rotate their ring around a finger?

Play with their hair?

Stimming is something that calms us down and helps us regulate our emotions. (It's also one of the first things ABA robs us of. It's called 'quiet hands'.) It's really bad to deprive an autistic or ADHDer of stimming.

I used to click the button on a pen so much that I banned myself from having clicky pens because of how annoying it can be to others.

There are healthy stims and unhealthy ones. (Head banging is an example of an unhealthy stim.)

So a character or person who is just, always moving somehow? There's a hint. Or they're rhythmically moving a body part? Tapping fingers? Wiggling a foot or leg? Fussing with their clothing? Rocking?

Is the character or person 'a walking encyclopedia'? In other words, do they know a lot of information about either one or two topics or about many topics?

That character (or person) is often stereotyped as being a computer genius who can make any computer work just by looking at it for a few minutes. But it can honestly be any topic or combination of topics. That's another clue.

Many autists are almost hard wired to be painfully honest. Unless we've been traumatized into it, we tend to be shitty liars. I'm, unfortunately, a very good liar. It's not something I choose to do, because I don't want my trauma to change something so innate to me as my honesty. I had to learn to lie to survive. I don't recommend it.

Does the person or character truly believe in things like honour? Justice? Mercy? Peace? (Many neurotypical people will call these things social lies that keep the world working.) I'm talking a bone deep belief in honour etc. Are they a shitty liar?

I think I've blathered enough for now. I want to make it clear that I don't speak for all autistic and ADHD folks. I'm just one person attempting to share some of the more common traits with whoever wants to read about it.

A final thought.

Nothing can make someone autistic or ADHD. It's a genetic condition. Which is why so many parents find out they're autistic or ADHD when their kids are diagnosed. It's not more prevalent now, it's just that more people are learning about the actual parameters of it. Diagnosis is easier now than 50 years ago. It's been around since ancient Egypt and probably evolved as a way to keep the clan safe in prehistoric times.

We often have heightened senses. Sometimes we have what I call 'predator vision' which sounds awful but just means that my gaze is automatically drawn to movement. Our sleep cycles are also commonly very different than a neurotypical's. We probably ended up being people who would take night watch, stare at the stars for hours, or warn people when food has gone off so no one eats it.

I think we evolved right alongside neurotypicals because we're both needed for a successful society.

Many, many of the world's famed thinkers/creators are considered to have likely been autistic/ADHD based on records about them.

These people include:

Leonardo DaVinci

Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni

Nikolai Tesla

Albert Einstein

Thomas Jefferson

Charles Darwin

Emily Dickinson

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

William Butler Yeats

Vincent Van Gogh

Benjamin Franklin

People who are autistic or ADHD these days that you may not expect?

Dan Ackroyd

Darryl Hannah

Anthony Hopkins

Jerry Seinfeld

Eminem

Courtney Love

David Byrne

Wentworth Miller

Satoshi Tajiri (creator of Pokemon)

There are also many, many people who have shown autistic or ADHD traits and haven't confirmed or it's impossible to confirm because they're deceased and we don't have the right records.

It's considered a massive faux pas to assign a diagnosis of anything to a living human being. So everyone living I've listed has in some way confirmed it. There are many, many other people (especially in creative industries or hobbies) I believe are likely one or the other, but I wouldn't label. That's for them to do.

If you enjoyed this or learned something and you can, please consider a tip or becoming a Patron. My work of words is my only income.

Every historical person is just a 'likely' because we'll never actually know. All we can do is point at the exhibited traits via records and say, probably.

[viridescentelf]

Yandere Bard x Reader - Say you're mine

Universe: Baldur's Gate 3 or DnD

Follow up to the introduction of Elphael and his nightly fantasies, this is my yandere OC.

Summary: your childhood, musical friend is madly in love with you, fantasizing about you in secret and planning to make you his. He has written a song about you and thinks your compliments mean more than you intend.

Warning: 18+ content, general nsfw, toxic, obsessive behavior, self deprication

The song in this fic is below, they're an awesome band:

-----

He felt nervous. Rereading his lyrics, he was sure nothing directly referenced you. But what if you suspected him? Maybe you noticed his lingering eyes. Or the way his breath quickened when your thigh briefly touched his. He was always so obvious, damn it! And yet, you still stayed with him. That had to mean something���?

You looked over the new notes Elphael had provided for you. Your eyes flew over the lyrics and a small smile grew upon your visage.

Oh, Elph is really into someone! you thought. This idea excited you. He never acted particularly concerned with love. The topic always made him fidget, wanting to move on from it fast. It was nice to see that he was open to it now. You had tried to introduce him to people, you thought he’d like previously, but he never really showed any interest. You had decided to let the idea rest, it was his decision after all. But now, wow! The raw emotion in the words, this had to be something!

Elphael watched you from afar, his face engulfed in heat. You would figure it out. You surely would.

You started tuning your guitar, practicing your parts quietly. The curtains muffled the patron’s loud conversation in the bar behind it.

The drow let out a jittery sigh. You didn’t seem that bothered by the words, which calmed him slightly. He wasn’t ready to tell you, although his entire being ached to do so for an age. He instructed the other band mates on tempo changes and note enhancement to keep himself occupied. He dared not get too close to you, in fear of losing it.

It was time. The announcement had sound.

The curtains were raised. Elphael bowed to the patrons and the whole room blurred. He felt you close, which simultaneously calmed and terrified him. Taking a deep breath, he nodded and the band erupted in song.

He could hear faint squealing from some of the loyal fans at the front of the stage. They usually forced flowers or stupid notes into his hands, asking him on dates or leaving locations on where to meet them after the show. He never really cared for their flattery. You were all he thought about. And you hadn’t asked to meet him under a dank light after the performance. If you had...

The drow stood at the front, with you strumming wildly to the song he secretly dedicated to you. He opened his mouth and took another deep breath, starting to sing the words he longed to scream into your face:

Say you're mine, don't leave me hanging by myself

The band echoed in the background with the words: you make me lose my mind

Can't think of anybody else because every time you come around

Oh darling, all I want is you

Say you're mine, we'll get it right, get it right

(You make me lose my mind)

Got me going crazy every time

I've never played with fire

But I guess it's something about you-ooh

The band played the interlude, the swelling of the music made his skin shiver.

Lately, I've been tryna find a way out of my shell

Reconcile my own emotions by myself

Stay alone and claim it's for my mental health

The band let out an excited note in unison. He heard you join in the harmony.

(Say you're mine)

He knew you were just singing with him. But hearing those words from you sent chills down his scarred spine.

Don't leave me hanging by myself (you make me lose my mind)

Can't think of anybody else because every time you come around

All I want is you-ooh

Say you're mine! Got me going crazy every time I've never played with fire, but I guess there's nothing I can do

The crowd errupted in applause once the song had ended. The fans at the front screeched when Elphael’s eyes flew over them, thinking he noticed them. In reality, he was trying to stop himself from looking back at you, gazing anywhere else, fearful of you having caught on. You swung your arm around his shoulder and bellowed cheers into his ear. You were happy for the grand execution of the song, but also that he showed such vulnerability.

You thought the growing indigo blush on his face was due to the excessive squealing from the patrons.

The applause faded as you and Elphael made your way to the bar, adrenaline still coursing through your veins from the performance. You ordered your usual drinks - a honeyed mead for yourself and dark ale for him. As you settled onto the worn wooden stools, you couldn't contain your excitement any longer.

"Elph, that song was amazing! I had no idea you could write like that," you gushed, eyes shining with pride for your friend. "It was so... raw and passionate. You must really be into someone."

Elphael's grip on his tankard tightened imperceptibly. He forced a casual shrug, taking a long swig of ale to buy himself time. "It's just a song," he mumbled, not meeting your gaze.

What if you could read him now?

But you weren't about to let it go so easily. "Come on, you can tell me! Who is it??? Is it someone I know?” You pushed your elbow into him, teasing. Elphael’s stomach dropped at your touch and couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. He was a bit ticklish; you knew this.

“It’s a secret…”, he uttered sheepishly. You sat so close to him, your leg was practically on his. He didn’t dare look anywhere, but straight ahead, since his face was already an unusual shade of blue.

You turned towards him and took another big gulp of your drink. Your eyes squinted as you thought long and hard about who it could be. Elphael talked to the kitchen staff a lot. Could it be one of them? Or was it someone outside the inn?

“Come on…”, you purred, leaning closer to him. Elphael’s eyes turned to you. If he moved his head, your lips would touch. Should he do it and pretend it was an accident?

He pondered this too long, you had already moved your face away to make room to swing your arm around him again.

“You can tell your old bud!”, you beamed at him.

Elphael chuckled, mostly to mask his annoyance at the word “bud”.

His mind raced, searching for a way out of this predicament. He couldn't tell you the truth, but he didn't want to lie outright either. His gaze darted around the tavern, desperately seeking inspiration.

"Alright, alright," he conceded with a sigh, his gravelly voice barely audible over the din of the bar. "There is... someone."

Your eyes lit up with excitement, and Elphael felt a pang in his chest. They sparkled like starlight, partly why he was so enthralled by you. You were waiting for him to continue and the drow shook his head slightly to concentrate.

"I met them a while ago, during one of our…shows," he began, weaving truth and fiction together. "They have this... presence about them. It's hard to describe. When they walk into a room, it's like everything else fades away."

Elphael paused, taking another swig of ale to steady himself.

“When I hear their voice, it makes me go crazy. I could never tire of it. And they are…”, he looked at you briefly, studying your features in seconds, “absolutely stunning. In every way."

You were clapping your hands in excitement, delighted at this information. You had always wished Elphael would find someone, because you truly felt he deserved all the love in the world.

“That’s amazing, Elph!”

The drow felt another sweet twinge at the sound of his nickname. He adored it.

“Well, have you told them? Are you going to tell them? Are they here?!?!” You turned around and looked frantically from one end of the bar to the other, trying to spot the person Elphael could be describing.

You were so cute. But he wanted you to look at him.

He put his hand on your shoulder and pulled you to face the bar again.

“Stop staring at strangers…”, he laughed, but there was a distinct assertiveness in his voice. Your attention belonged to him.

You turned back to face Elphael, your eyes blinking at his sudden change in tone. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," you said softly. "I'm just so excited for you! Have you told them how you feel?"

Elphael's grip on his pint tightened, his knuckles turning a paler shade of lavender. He stared into the dark depths of his ale, as if seeking answers in its murky surface. When he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper, rough with emotion.

"I... I can't. I don't deserve them. They're too good, too pure. And I'm..." he trailed off, his free hand clenching into a fist on the bar top.

You leaned in closer, your brow furrowed with worry. "You're what, Elph?"

He could smell the perfume you wore. It drove him insane. You always smelled so fucking good. He paused to breathe it in more.

You tilted your head slightly.

“...A piece of shit! Obviously! I’m disgusting. The things I’ve done, thought about…Gods I can’t even utter what I imagine sometimes. No one wants someon- something like me. An ugly, poor drow that whores himself out for money. Debased and damaged." He pointed sharply at the deep scar on his face.

"They could never want me. They are…”, he didn’t want to look at you, but your radiance pulled his grey eyes towards you, “just so damn perfect…”

Your eyes widened in shock at Elphael's harsh words. You grabbed his arm, forcing him to face you.

"Elph, what in the hells! When will you stop saying such terrible things about yourself?"

He stared at you and his forlorn eyes always made you feel an immense amount of sympathy. There was such a vast glimmer of loss within them, something was constantly eating at him.  

You turned on your stool to face him fully, your knees brushing against his thigh.

"Listen to me," you said firmly, your voice low and intense. "You are not disgusting. You are not ugly. You are one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and out."

Your fingers traced the constellations tattooed on his arm, making him tense up.

"Just look at you. These paintings tell a story of survival, beauty and strength. Showing how much you've overcome." You cupped his face gently, thumb brushing over the scar that marred his cheek. "And this? This just makes you look dashing and mysterious."

Elphael's breath caught in his throat at the intimacy of your touch, his skin tingling where your fingers drifted over his face. He screamed internally, resisting the urge to pull you into a deep, hungry caress. To throw you onto the bar top and hover over you, pressing himself between your legs: the thought made his body vibrate.

“You're one of the most handsome people I know, honestly! Do you not see how many people throw themselves at you?"

You pointed at the group of fans, huddling together, staring in anguish at the back of the drow’s head. He kept his gaze on you.

Your hands fell from his face and you gripped the drow’s hand that was clawing the side of the bar intensely.

"Your music touches people's souls," you insisted, your voice yanking him back to the present. "The way you play, it's like... it's like you're weaving magic with every note. And your voice? Gods, Elph, when you sing, it's like the whole world stops to listen."

You squeezed his hand, your eyes boring into his.

"And you're so kind and gentle. That person is so damn lucky to have you care for them. I love the way you comfort me… it always lifts me up!”

Your face was so close to his.

Elphael's heart thundered in his chest, your words echoing in his mind. The tavern around you seemed to fade away, leaving only you - your earnest eyes, your soft hands still clasping his, the intoxicating scent of mead on your breath. He wanted to believe your words, to let them sink into his very being and wash away years of self-loathing. But more than that, he wanted to crush his lips against yours, to taste the sweetness of your mouth and feel the warmth of your body pressed against his.

His gaze flickered to your lips. What if...what if your words meant more than friendship? The possibility sent a jolt of electricity through his body. Maybe, just maybe, you felt the pull between you too. Maybe you'd been waiting for him to make a move all this time.

He felt his body move without command.

Elphael leaned in slowly, his heart pounding so loudly he was sure you must hear it. The din of the tavern faded to a dull roar as his focus narrowed to your lips, slightly parted and glistening from your drink. He could feel the warmth of your breath mingling with his own. This was it - the moment he had dreamed of for so long.

His eyes fluttered as he closed the final distance between you. He imagined how soft your lips would feel against his, how you would taste of honey and mead. His hand moved up to cup your cheek, fingers trembling slightly as it traveled upwards.

Just as he was about to make contact, a thunderous crash rang out from across the tavern. Your head whipped around instinctively towards the source of the noise, leaving Elphael's lips to barely brush against your cheek. The movement startled him and he twitched upright, swallowing hard at the shock of how close he had just been.

You were still looking over at the tumult, some people were fighting loudly. You turned to him briefly and smiled, completely unaware what almost just happened. You thought he had just been swaying weirdly from the alcohol. You leaned over the back of your stool and watched as the barmen pulled a group of ruffians away from the other roudy troop. Evidently, there had been some kind of disagreement while gambling.

You sighed and shook your head at the idiocy.

“See, Elph. This is the level of morons that exist in this world. You are much better than any of them combined. Don’t beat yourself up like that.” You patted his shoulder with gusto. The sudden friendly body language made Elphael’s world spin, when you were just so intimately intertwined.

So close.

But this meant something. You wanted him, too. Surely.

The night went on with you joining the other band members to drink a few rounds. Elphael stayed at the bar, replaying the scene in his head over and over again.

Maybe if he told you the truth,…or tried again?

What would your reaction be?

[stressed-depressed-andobsessed]

It was @local-pr1nter who planted the Theatre Kid Mondo Owada idea into my head

Anyway

Here's the character list for who's who in my Danganronpa x Hamilton musical AU thing

Hamiliton Musical of 78' AU

Alexander Hamilton - Kiyotaka Ishimaru

He wasn't going to audition at first since he's never watched Hamilton before, but after a mandatory movie night watch with the entire class so they could 'study' the musical, he decided to try out for Hamilton himself

Taka absolutely loves Hamilton's passion and drive throughout the musical. He doesn't like the occasional cursing (and actively despises the affairs, both emotional with Angelica and physical with Maria), but he tries to look past it because it's all just an act afterall. He wouldn't actually curse if he were picked for the part (and definitely would not cheat on any future love interests)

He studies Hamilton HARD. Just as hard as the homework and topics that are discussed in class. He watched the entire musical 6 times over just to make sure he knew everyone's lines, moves, and personality. It doesn't matter that he was only going to be playing Alexander Hamilton, he still needs to know everyone else's lines too

Sayaka is his biggest hype man when he was practicing his lyrics before the rehearsal. Did he stumble over a line? That's ok, practice it a couple of times with me then try again! Can't hit a particular high note? Try this method she learned during a routine practice she was doing with her bandmates! Nervous before the audition? Look to the side of the stage, she'll be right there smiling and silently singing with you!

Hina is also like that, but with the dancing parts. Need advice for singing and dancing at once without getting tired quickly? She's got him, here's a technique she learned from swimming competitions!

Don't get me started on how loud they (and Mondo) screamed when Taka got the lead role. You would've thought there was a fire, or someone was attacking the school

He's still not over the cursing thing, but he'll manage! Somehow...

Aaron Burr - Mondo Owada

You thought he screamed loud for Taka? Wait until you hear what he did when he found out about his own role

He cried. Very hard.

It was almost scary how expessive he was after finding out he was gonna play THE Aaron Burr

"KYOUDAI! TAKA! KIYO! OH MY FUCKING GOD! TAKA! TAKA! TAKA TAKA TAKA TAKA! WHERE'S CHI? OH MY GOD! I GOT TELL CHI TOO! OH MY GOD!"

This man's happiness could not be contained

He practiced his ass off though so he definitely deserved his role. He was right there with Taka for the 6 viewings (plus the movie night viewing) of Hamilton

After just watching the musical, he started practicing singing. Considering he already knew the musical like the back of his bike before this, it didn't take much practicing to get every single line down for... Hercules Muligan.

That's right! He auditioned for Mulligan! Not Burr.

He definitely didn't think he was good enough to play the Narrator of the musical so the supporting friend of the MC will have to do.

He chose Mulligan mostly because of the man's lines. He sings in, like, 3 songs and most of the lines were about fighting, having sex, getting drunk, or being a spy. Cool ass guy with a cool ass voice. Right up Mondo's alley

The dancing was pretty simply to figure out too since it was mostly background choreography that he already memorized when he was 13. When he was back at home with Daiya, belting out the lyrics and dancing stupidly in the middle of the living room

After the wave of initial excitement, he realizes the responsibility that comes with being the narrator and the MAIN FREAKING ANTAGONIST AND HAVING TO 'KILL' HIS KYOUDAI OH GOD HOW IS HE GONNA DO THING?? BURR HAS LIKE 3 SOLOS AND A 2 WHOLE DUETS WITH HAMILTON AND SO MUCH STUPID DANCING AND-

Eliza Schuyler - Sayaka Maizono

No-one was surprised by this to be honest. Considering Eliza is the other lead besides Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton, it would make sense to choose someone who knows exactly how to carry the show when needed

Sayaka practiced pretty hard so she could be Eliza. No offense to the other girls, but she was practically born to be the main Schuyler sister! She's the best at singing and acting since she already has the experience so all she really had to focus on is practicing the lines (and Jesus does Eliza have a lot)

Of course, she celebrated with her bandmates after breaking the news to them. Not everyone in the group knows Hamilton that well, but they still had some fun having a karaoke party and singing the songs

She did have to plead with her manager to get the month and a half off of concerts to go to the practices. It took a lot of compromising (along with some promises that her fans would surely pay to come and see her), but eventually, the crabby old man agreed on the condition that she does some in-between photoshoots to make up for her otherwise radio silence towards her fans

Sayaka immediately began practicing her lines with Taka after finding out about her role. It's a little awkward to pretend to be in love with him, but they end up laughing about it throughout the rehearsal whenever they have to be affectionate towards each other, so that helps a bit

Angelica Schuyler - Aoi Asahina

Hina decided her role through the process of elimination. She doesn't want to be Eliza since she knows Sayaka is going for that role (and she would KILL as the Female Lead!). She doesn't want to be Maria or Peggy since there's only 1 song that they sing in, and she wants to dance and sing as much as possible! (These strong lungs and athletic limbs are made just for that, and they will NOT be going to waste!) Angelica is perfect! She's in a couple songs and is one of the main-side characters, she also has a whole solo where she gets to sing as loudly as possible about two of her friends! The context of the song might not be positive, but when has negativity ever stopped Hina?

She joins in on the practice sessions that Taka and Sayaka hold and joins in on one of the re-watches with Taka and Mondo

She, of course, has one on one sessions with Sayaka to improve her vocal cords. Going from loudly screaming the lines to passionately singing the lyrics

She practiced her choreography with Taka and Sakura, she asked Chihiro to join as well, but they ended up denying while poorly hiding a giggle

They're hiding something...

Oh well! Hina loves secrets so she'll just wait and find out with everyone else!

It doesn't really have to be clarified that she celebrated when she got the part! She was so so so so so excited to be Angelica!! Yayayay! Not only does this mean that she gets to sing and dance with her friends, but she'll also get to brag to her family about a fun new skill she learned! Or maybe she should keep it a secret until the big day? Oh, she doesn't know, she might just explode from the excitement!

She put all her excitement into the swim competition that she had a couple days later, and it won her first place! Yay!

Peggy Schuyler - Kyoko Kirigiri

Kyoko definitely wasn't planning on auditioning for any part. She'd much rather be on the sidelines with Toko

That plan changed quickly when Makoto wouldn't shut up about her being someone- ANYONE- so he wouldn't have to be alone in his small part (If he even got the part, his luck is kind of wonky sometimes)

She finally lamented and auditioned for Peggy. No practice at all, just went for it.

She was present for one of the watch throughs and watched the musical again on her own. The first watch was used to analyze how the characters act and interact with each other, the second was to analyze the plot and movements of the characters. She deduced that Peggy has the second least number of lines of any female main-ish character, (The first being Maria Reynolds and there is no way she is 'seducing' Taka on stage in front of people she most likely knows.) her movements aren't terribly complicated either and whenever Peggy is on stage, she's overshadowed by others, so no-one really pays attention to her. That role is perfect.

Kyoko simply smiled when she read the casting list and saw that she received the role of Peggy. Not only would this make Makoto less nervous, but also practicing for the musical wouldn't take up any time because Peggy is only present in 4 songs and speak briefly in 2.

She has cases to work on and she'd rather not let practicing get in the way of that

George Washington - Sakura Oogami

This may seem like a weird decision, but Hina and Taka thought it was a great idea that someone as stoic and wise as Sakura to play someone as respectable (and tall) as George Washington

It didn't take much convincing as she holds respects for him (and might've been a little intrigued in being in the musical)

It did take a bit of practicing since Sakura's way of talking is more slow-paced while Washington's lines are fast-paced

She is just as resilient in training her mental muscles as her physical muscles though, so the practice is welcomed with honor

All the practice definitely pays off as she finds her name 8th down on the cast list

A smile and a nod are the reaction that the stoic Oogami gave at this revelation... Then a gasp followed as Hina also read the list and basically tackled her from behind in excitement

Hina then went on and on about how amazing Sakura was going to look in Washington's waistcoat and trousers and how amazing she was going to sound because Washington's voice is amazing, and Sakura's voice is amazing and Hina loves all of the parts where Washington sings and now it's going to be even better because she'll get to listen to her girlfriend sing and-

Sakura was not let go of for another 4 hours, but she did not mind one bit

If she wasn't already excited for practice, then she definitely would be now with Hina's bouncing, bubbly excitement radiating all over the place

Thomas Jefferson/Marquis De Lafayette - Yasuhiro Hagakure

Gonna be so honest, I originally only picked this because of Hiro looks

And I'm going to go on a whim here and say that the judges (Who I'm going to say now were teachers like Chisa and maybe some eager volunteers from V2 and V3) at the audition also took Hiro's appearances compared to Lafayette and Jefferson in to account when casting people

Hiro did have some really good accent skills, probably from having to hide his voices whenever someone he scammed bumps into him

He's pretty good at fast talking too, probably also from him having to think of quick excuses on the fly for when he also bumps into someone he's scammed

Both of those qualities are needed to be Lafayette along with being silly and everyone knows Hiro is like the goofiest goober around when he needs to be

He's also witty, engaging, and very sarcastic when needed which are all the qualities needed to be Jefferson

Hiro had both characters down, he loved both of them, but he couldn't decide which one to do. He tried asking he crystal ball, but that just 'told' him that he would vibe as either. So, he consulted the cards, who also told him that he'd be fine as either

He auditioned as both Lafayette and Jefferson since that would amplify his chances of getting at least one of them. He sung a bit of Battle of Yorktown for Lafayette and Cabinet Battle #1 for Jefferson

The audition judges couldn't decide which they liked best so they decided he would follow in Daveed Diggs' footsteps and give him both roles to play

He looked at the cast list, he got there after everyone else with Leon because he had detention, and cheered, attempting to fist bump Leon, but Leon seemed upset. He let it go and went to tell Taka instead

He knew he would get at least one of the roles! Afterall, it was in the cards!

John Laurens/James Reynolds - Leon Kuwata

This man went straight for Alexander Hamilton with absolutely no practice

Well, that's not completely true. He practiced a little bit in the shower and sung Hamilton's parts in Helpless with Sayaka one time

He actually did pretty good despite the very minimum amount of practice

He stumbled on a couple words, he auditioned with My Shot, but ultimately made up for it with his dancing and charisma towards the judges

That's most likely the reason why they gave Leon the part of John Laurens. Laurens is Hamilton's bestie up until his death, he doesn't have too many wordy lines, and he's mainly there to hype up the crowd/his friends. He's perfect for Laurens!

Which is so not perfect for Leon since he's gonna have to watch as whoever gets Hamilton sweeps Sayaka off her feet while he sits back and literally cheers him on!

He goes back to the judges and tells the main judge, and the only one he can really find in this big, old school, Chisa (as nicely as he can) that he doesn't want to be Laurens. He uses the excuse that he feels as though he should be in more of the musical. Chisa agrees and tells him she'll see what she can do!

Cool! Now all he has to do is go serve his detention (Which he may or may not have gotten for racing toy cars in the hall with Hiro and making someone trip) and come back later to see his name right next to Alexander Hamilton

...James Reynolds? Wasn't that the abusive husband? That's not what he meant by 'being more in the musical'! This guy only had like 2 lines and one's about calling his wife a whore!

Leon was left so much more upset than before; he didn't even notice Hiro trying to fist bump him or him leaving. He was seething when he realized that Mr. Hardass was taking his spot at woo-ing Sayaka, the exact same Hardass that gave him detention.

Now he had to pretend like he was really happy for Ishi-Ton and Say-Liza while also remember all these new stupid lines for not just Laurens, but also Reynolds

Hercules Mulligan/James Madison - Byakuya Togami

Literally only got these parts because of his deep voice

He did not audition for Mulligan or Madison, he auditioned for Aaron Burr. Why not Hamilton himself? He did not want to be seen as a protagonist; he sees himself as more suited to be the antagonist, and he did not want to have to fake not 1, not 2, but 3 romances with women he did not have a lick of feelings for.

Aaron Burr is level-headed until he started acting like that fool Hamilton, he thinks his plans through to a detrimental level, and he only mentions a love interest for a couple minutes before focusing on his life plans again. He was the perfect candidate for Togami to stand in as.

He did not practice any dancing but did multiple different private practices for his vocals. He auditioned with Wait for it as it did not require dancing so he could focus on his lines for the pitiful judges that watched him. He did perfectly and was left to wait for the confirmation.

He wanted to wait for all the idiots to clear away from the cast papers, but an unexpected squeal from the overgrown, meathead who was raving about getting his part made him push everyone else out of the way to see if what the big baby of a biker was saying was true. It couldn't be true; Aaron Burr was his part.

...There had to be some kind of mistake! He scanned over that sheet 3 times to find that the dreaded papers were not lying. He was not Aaron Burr; he was Hercules Mulligan and James Madison. Madison he could respect, the man is sophisticated and responsible both in history and in the musical, but Mulligan is a short, angry brute! That is the person suited for that currently over-emotional biker, not Aaron Burr!

He turned to tell that stupid biker that just as the meathead was rushing off to find the little tech student.

Damn it all.

He went to instead lay out his fury with Chisa, the main judge, in a not so polite way. It didn't seem to affect her though. She simply said that she could give those parts to someone else, and he could work in the back with Fukawa...

He dialed the number of his private vocalist to inform them of the change in lines he would have to practice.

King George - Celestia Ludenburg

She too practiced in private.

Of course she was going to go straight for the King, who else would befit her?

It didn't take much singing to convince the judges. Her voice is powerful, condescending, and sarcastic. Perfect for King George!

She will not be spitting like he famously does, but besides that, she already has his part in the bag.

She didn't have to go check the list to know she got her part, but it was worth getting all dressed up to see Togami's hissy fit at his cast reveal

Maria Reynolds - Junko Enoshima

The cheating, the manipulation, the groveling, the despair of a broken marriage caused by her, how could she pass that all up?

The part wasn't hard at all to get down, she was already basically a natural actor.

She practiced only for a stupid older sister's benefit. Poor Mukuro was so nervous about her small little part that she had to practice her chosen part over 30 times (It was definitely because Mukuro was nervous and not because Junko kept laughing and pointing out every little mistake she made)

Her part also came with the added bonus of getting to feel up Mr. Stick-in-his-ass without getting detention. In fact, she might be praised for the added realism

She didn't check the casting roster until really late at night, unfortunately missing the RichMan™'s breakdown, to avoid everyone else for her poor sister's sake (MukMuk is such a big baby, she swears)

She got the part (Yay) and so did her sister (Boo)

George Eacker - Mukuro Ikusaba

She didn't have that many lines, but she just kept messing up during practice for some reason

Luckily, she got them right for the audition (or she hopes she did, Junko didn't say anything so she must have done good)

She wasn't going to audition for any part, just work with Fukawa in the back, but then Junko said she'd be perfect for the part of the murderer of Philip Hamilton and asked her to try out for it

She couldn't deny her little sister, could she?

It was nerve-wracking, but the list had finally been posted so regardless of her nervous-ness, she would have her answer once she went to check the papers.

Junko had to end up dragging her to the papers late at night because she couldn't bring herself to go

She got the part, yay.

Charles Lee - Makoto Naegi

He wanted to be in the musical to support his fellow classmates while also not having to memorize many lines as he might end up forgetting them out of nervousness

Charles Lee, George Eacker, and Samuel Seabury were all good choices. Samuel would be hard though, because he and Taka would have to be singing over each other and he might not be able to say his lines at the same time as him. Especially because of how loud and intimidating Taka can be

He decided to eliminate him and focus on the other 2 options. They both had relatively short parts so auditioning with both of their songs wasn't met with any restraint from the judges

He figured, with his luck, he had to get one of the parts and if he didn't, because that was still definitely a possibility, then he could help Toko with backstage work full time

Luckily, he got Charles Lee. Unluckily, Byakuya decided to take his anger out on him by ranting about 'The Giant Oaf' as he referred to Mondo for almost an entire hour

That's ok though, Makoto is always up to support a 'friend' in times of distress!

Samuel Seabury - Hifumi Yamada

He originally was just going to work backstage with Fukawa Toko-dono but at the prospect that his Mistress is going to be centered as royalty and there is a commoner whose sole role is encouraging the Town People to worship her, he immediately started practicing for the part of Seabury

He was pretty good, even putting on his Manly™️ Voice while auditioning

Because of his impeccable performance, (and the fact that no-one else auditioned for that part) he was almost immediately given the role

Mistress Ludenburg even praised him for his role! (Then ordered him to make her some tea to celebrate)

That's all the main characters sorted I think so next post will be all about how each song and the practices for that particular song went. As expected for the class of 78, there will be lots of shenanigans (and maybe even some fanart to go with it if I can figure out how to draw some of these characters)

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Hold on, there's someone I have forgotten!

Philip Hamilton - Chihiro Fujisaki

Chihiro practiced with Sayaka privately, which was super awkward at first, but they eventually got over it

They wanted to surprise everyone by being in the musical! They know it will be really hard because they'll have to preform in front of everyone in a pretty major role, but that's what the practice is for. They've been getting physically stronger with Mondo, so it's time to up their emotion and mental strength (along with their vocal strength because they have a pretty small voice)

They were really nervous about preforming just in front of the judges, but that's ok because they did it and that's all that matters

They didn't even get a chance to look at the casting roster before Mondo came barreling into them announcing his role. Getting to see the unabridged happiness and excitement from Mondo almost made up for being crushed in a back breaking hug.

After the initial excitement, they then had to listen to his anxieties about all the lines and dance movements he's gonna have to remember before joking that they wouldn't have to do that themselves since they didn't audition for anything. Mondo will not admit that he stumbled to keep up as Chihiro pulled him down the hall (not running, just speed walking as they did pass Taka on the way) back to the casting papers

It took a minute as they specifically requested that their name went on the second paper and not the first so the likelihood of anyone finding their name on accident was low, but they sure did find it... and they were almost immediately put into another crushing hug. They may have gotten stronger and used to Mondo's physical affections, but the bear hugs are something they don't think they'll ever get used to

They leave off telling everyone else, they'll figure it out during practices

Alright, that's everyone! Any other minor roles that weren't assigned to anyone is picked up by other Ultimates that aren't in the 78 class (maybe some of the class of 77 helped) like the background dancers or the prop and set movers. Toko doesn't get a role, not because I don't like her because I absolutely do, but because:

1. I could not find a role that fit her comfortable

2. Realistically, she would not and could not perform in front of potentially 100s of people (Most of whom are made up of the classmates' family and friends, along with Sayaka's fans who came just for Sayaka)

3. She would not want to risk Syo coming out in front of hundreds of people. She would rather have her come out while backstage because then someone could notice and get her away from the stage area more subtly and without worry

She's content with having to pull the curtains or just motioning for props to be sent out to the stage.

This entire performance is going to be put on in a sort of hall, think of a graduation ceremony kind of hall. Despite the huge school and its amenities, they could not fit all the props, characters, and costumes along with 100+ people anywhere in the school comfortably. The school funds the renting of this hall though since this is for a festival. The festival will be happening at and around the school where some students will also be selling tickets for the musical and then there will be an announcement, signaling that the musical will start in an hour. All guests will then move to the hall, get their tickets taken, and take their seats.

[popiastar]

cuddling hcs with rain, dew and swiss? 👀

-🔪 anon

yaaaasssss! i love writing some fluff 👀

❗info: gn!reader, fluff, small bean ghouls, must protect baby rain, dewdrop being dewdrop as always, swiss being the pervert he is

- probably the one who request to cuddle, rain feels safe having you near him

🌧️ rain

- no matter where you are. he wants it, he got it

- two types of cuddles: casual cuddling everytime you both are in public, that's consist in holding hands, head resting on shoulder, cozy hungs and the other type is more intimate and reserved when you are alone. specially in bed. naked

- basically you are his peluche, squeezing you tightly

- rain is sooooo touchy, his hands caress every inch

- most of the time you talk about random topic, that's because you found cuddles very intimate and sharing throughs is a fundamental part of your relationship even if you can understand each other just by a gaze

- as i said, rain seems like a cat. his nose rubbing your neck and inhale your scent

- "why you always sniff me?"

- "well, mh... you smell like home"

- you imitate him, plus placing a chaste kiss on his shoulder, he smells like home too

- music plays in background or just him begin to mumbles one and you follow him

- rain can be inappropriate too, he squeeze your body a little bit... sexual?

- not really his intention, just his nature

- rolling in the bedsheets close like two koalas and giggle together

🔥dewdrop

- this happen almost every night, after dinner rain come close to you and straightforward asks you to "cuddle naked and don't lost your time with those insensitive idiots"

- not a big fan of cuddling, initially he can be like ew gross and then yeah, yeah, if you asking so nicely

- you have to do the first move, he don't even know how to do it

- hug him and let him resting over your chest, dew secretly loves the closeness and the heat of your skin against his

- mumble how disgusting is cuddles but stays still like a rock

- not fully relaxed, he don't know where he supposed to put his hands so they are still on his figure

- want him to stop complaining and being relaxed? stroke his damn hair and dew melt like butter

- "ya know dew, you can touch me"

- "and where the fucking fuck i have to put my hands huh???"

- take his hand and place it behind your back. dew is still unsure, however he starts roaming your back gently

- humming at the sensation of your soft skin on his digits

- call him cute, blushing dewdrop for free!

- more often cuddling session but don't expect him saying out loud, he just looks at you

- you pretend to not understand make him flustered and starts to yell

- "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, HUH? NO STUPID FUCKING CUDDLES? I'M WAITING"

💣swiss

- tease him about how much he actually loves cuddling and he blushing again. he also goes in self-combustion

- for swiss cuddle means inappropriate touch/make out session/vanilla sex

- imagine him jumping on the bed, laying down in a sexy pose and a rose between his teeth

- "what the fuck are you doing, sir?"

- "me, you... cuddles" *rising eyebrows up and down*

- laugh hysterically when he found out what cuddles really means and tells you he was joking

- your head resting over his buffy chest, squeezing your ass anyway cause they're calling me, he said

- caress his arms and you can see his hair rise up, swiss' skin is super sensitive

- kiss all over your face, he founds you cute and can't help by expressing with physical affections

- tangles his legs with yours

- swiss is hopeless romantic, sings love songs for you also mimicking slow dances

- take his hand and he probably starts crying, for him is equal as an i love you

- "are you crying, my black obsidian?"

- "yeah... i mean NO! hold on, are you really calling me like a gemstone?"

- hides his head on your shoulder, sobbing, how can you be so cute calling him by the way he calls you huh??????

- every time swiss spots you around he runs to you and rubs his head on your neck making you understand its cuddle time

[liskantope]

Three weeks ago I attended the NYC rationalist Secular Solstice and, as I said back at the time, I've been intending to record something about my experience there like I did the last two times. I'm not sure I have as much to say this time around (or not as much interesting to say), and also some of my memories already aren't as fresh since three weekends ago, but here are some comments about the evening.

First of all, my strong feeling about the whole thing is that, while the solstice event itself is great and well done and worthwhile, just showing up for the solstice event is just not the way to do things: it's only one part of a much larger rationalist "megameetup" which -- I now get the feeling more strongly than ever -- would be really fun and interesting. I was convinced enough of this the previous time to make some effort (limited by the sheer hecticness of my November this past year) to figure out a way to be in NYC for the whole weekend, preferably without paying tons of money for lodging. But I just couldn't figure out any feasible way to do this, in particular because of the timing right around my students' final exams. I wish I had managed somehow, though: the people who attend the solstice event are just so visibly interesting and engaging and overall seem fun to spend a whole weekend with; and I imagine I could learn a ton on rationality- and EA-related topics if I did the Megameetup.

Anyway, I managed to arrive late again to the start of the event (for at least the second year in a row), just because I had too many things to take care of at my home before setting off for NYC, and Hofstadter's Law always applies to my journey to any particular part of NYC. What's funnier is that I also missed the beginning of the "second act" as I got caught up in conversation with several people during the intermission who weren't actually doing the solstice and didn't realize I was, and I didn't realize for a while that Part 2 had begun. I followed the semi-tradition (at least from two years ago) of arriving at and doing the event on no dinner, but some free snacks provided by one of the organizers outside the room helped a lot here.

I found the songs as meaningful as always and recognized many of them -- the main one that's stayed with me since is "Bitter Wind Blown", but there were some others that I remembered distinctly. There was a song I didn't recall from previous programs where part of the chorus was about not being able to "find my tribe, find my tribe, find my tribe", and I found that one spoke to me quite a lot. Altogether I'm ready to forcefully repeat what I've said after previous rationalist solstice events: the content of this music and the vibe of the whole event touches me more deeply than any type of religious service I've been to.

At the same time, I feel that my mind was elsewhere this time perhaps even more than the last time. I was tired (partly just from having rushed for hours to get there mostly on my own steam) and had generally been stressed out for weeks, and somehow the continuity of doing this for the third consecutive year brought up feelings that weren't entirely positive: I feel like my life is in a holding pattern over the past three years, with being at the same non-permanent job and not knowing what the next step is (along with, of course, being perpetually single and having no idea still in my late 30's where to expect my personal life to go). At no moment is this brought to my attention more forcefully than the part where members of the audience are asked to stand up in stages based on their involvement in EA, and there's still not much I can say for myself on that front -- I can't bring myself to do much until I know better what my financial and professional future looks like, and I hope this will change in the near future. Moreover, I began thinking of how this was the first rationalist event I'd been to where I could say that a solid decade ago I already knew and was very enthusiastic about the rationalist movement and had (a decade earlier) dreamed of becoming heavily involved, and ten years later almost none of that has happened -- it's not something I long for in most of my day-to-day life, but there's something inspiring about seeing some of the people at the forefront of the main Northeastern US branch of it in their element organizing stuff. Regardless of all this, for me there's something wonderfully moderately relaxing about singing along with a bunch of mostly-strangers that I still managed to enjoy quite a lot.

A major, major plus to the arrangements this year was that the solstice event was at the same convention center as the entire Megameetup, and in particular this meant that the after party was directly within and outside of the room the solstice ceremonies had taken place in. It's hard to overstate how much easier this made the evening as a whole (especially when compared to my experience two years earlier when I had made the mistake of attending by car!). My time at the after party was still limited, as I had to think about making the journey home without being up most of the night, but I was there long enough to have a bunch of conversations and appreciate how delightfully visibly autistic and rationalist-y and distinctly young-to-early-middle-age the whole crowd was. Again, the after party made me wish I could have spent the whole weekend and actually gotten to know more of the people there.

In terms of meeting familiar faces/handles, I saw a lot of @drethelin, whom I'd gotten to know in person at the previous NYC Secular Solstice (after being acquainted with him from Tumblr and SSC comments sections for most of the past decade). My impression of him as an unfailingly pleasant and affable person has been further cemented. He had to listen to way too much of me grousing over the academic job market and having no idea how things will be for me geographically in a year's time (primarily this was in the context of being able to attend further NYC rationalist events). In addition, I saw a bit of @taymonbeal but didn't speak to him beyond literally just saying hello and almost certainly not giving him enough time to have any idea of who I was. I'm pretty sure that during the event I was sitting directly behind Zvi and his family, but I remembered less about Zvi than I used to back when I was seeing his blog posts regularly (I don't know why I don't anymore) and remember only that I used to follow his Wordpress(?) blog and that I think he gave a speech at the solstice event two years ago. Again, I was at the cusp of cementing a number of new acquaintances, but time didn't allow me to pursue this much. Conversation was always fun and interesting. An unexpected theme was dating prospects for a single guy seeking women in different part of the country (in which several people emphasized the usual wisdom that NYC is the best place for this), which I don't recall actually bringing up myself, which at one point led to advice about how to increase my own dating prospects: I was told to... I think the phrase was "make myself bigger", which was clearly a euphemism for building up the muscles in my upper body (a goal I've already had for a while but am currently barely any closer to figuring out how to do). The gender ratio was not great, and there was definitely (as one may guess from the subject matter just mentioned) a "young-ish nerdy male" vibe in the after party, but most everyone appeared to be enjoying themselves and not to be hiding in their shells, whether a guy or not.

I had quite a journey just to get to the secret free/available parking spot where I had left my car (in a different part of the city altogether), and just around midnight I was buying a gyro for a very late supper from an outdoor seller and thinking over how one day not long from now I may lead a more responsible and tied-down life and feel nostalgia for the time when I could be alone on a public street at midnight in freezing cold getting food. Then I had a very spooky but not-unpleasant-to-look-back-on experience wandering the completely vacant streets of a park near one in the morning looking for my car before I had to make the long drive home (during which, strangely, I managed to stay wide awake much more easily than on the drive there).

I'm tempted to resolve never to attend the NYC Secular Solstice again without attending at least part of the Megameetup or without living closer to NYC, but we'll see. (There actually is a small but not insignificant chance, which I didn't have evidence of three weeks ago, that I may get a job closer to the city than I am now.)

(I kept my name tag somewhere in my home -- it shows my handle on one side and my IRL name on the other, so I guess if I die an IRL people look through my stuff one day they'll figure out I'm Liskantope, although probably there was some way or other to figure out such a thing anyway by looking at what came from my IP addresses or whatever.)

[thissortofsorcery]

6. Coffee in bed

Babe, I wasn't put on earth to be brief, so. Hope you like this! Once again we hop on the Steve loving on Billy train. I had a lot of fun writing it.

I appreciate your prompt so much &lt;3

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i want coffee >:((((

Is what Billy sends in the group chat in the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday, fighting to keep his eyes open. He can't just give in and have a nap. He has a paper due next week, and Billy's never been the kind of person that believes in leaving things for the last minute, so he's got his laptop and his textbook and his notes from class spread around him on the bed, and he's going to get the bulk of this hell assignment done today. If he doesn't fall asleep.

Billy would get up and get coffee for himself, except he's very comfortable and he just found a nice position for his back. He doesn't want to get up.

Heather: i remember seeing a coffee maker in your kitchen

Heather: you could use that

Billy: don't wanna get up tho

Chrissy: are you about to fall asleep?

Billy: might be

Chrissy: I can call you in 30 mins if you want to nap

Billy: no im gonna fight it

Tommy: just take the nap dude

Heather: the coffee is 10 feet and 5 minutes away

Steve: did you eat?

Confusion pulls Billy's eyebrows together, and he waits for another text to come elaborating the question, but nothing does. In fact, the whole group chat stalls.

Billy: not yet

And Steve sends him a thumbs up. 

Billy rolls his eyes, and tosses his phone to the side. Steve makes no damn sense, sometimes. He's got this whole pretty boy, midwestern nice guy going for him, which Billy has to admit is charming as hell, and a line of chicks wanting to date him, but he never wants to date any of them. Billy is relieved, a little bit. If he had to watch Steve fall in love with someone while sharing an apartment with him, he'd lose his fucking mind, on account of the huge crush Billy's had on him since freshman year.

He really should get back to his paper, or he's gonna be stuck working on it until late.

Billy rubs his eyes blearily and turns his music a little louder, puts Kill 'Em All on loop because it never fails to fire him up. The guitar notes fill the room and make his eyelids feel a little lighter, make his limbs feel a little looser, and Billy jiggles his feet to the beat of the song while he takes notes on the library book he's reading. He can already imagine some of the paragraphs he wants to write in his head.

About an hour later, Billy's managed to outline some of his topics, but his eyelids are getting heavy again. His body feels like it's sinking into the bed, and all he wants is to burrow into his hoodie and curl up into a ball. Billy yawns and covers his face, letting out a long groan. Maybe he can close his eyes for five minutes. 

The sound of keys jingling on the front door of the apartment jerk him awake, and he opens his eyes like he's been hit over the head.

"Billy?" Steve's voice sounds from the living room. There's some shuffling, then Steve's head pops in his open door. "Hey."

Billy squints at Steve, takes in his swept up hair, the jacket he hasn't bothered to take off, and the soft smile spreading on his face as he looks at Billy, eyes shining, looking awfully fond in a way that makes Billy's chest hurt.

"You fell asleep," He says, and his voice is fond too.

"I didn't."

"You so did," Steve laughs, and comes into the room. He's wearing socks, because he hates shoes indoors, and he pushes something at Billy when he reaches his side. "Brought you coffee. And uh, a sandwich, cause you said you didn't eat."

Billy blinks at the to-go cup in Steve's right hand, trying to figure out if he's still dreaming, still caught in the haze of his subconscious fed by wishful thinking, because he can't imagine why Steve would stop to buy him coffee on his way back home. 

"You what?" It comes out sharp, meaner than he'd meant to, and Billy immediately cringes.

But Steve just laughs.

"Jesus, you're grumpy," He shakes the coffee cup at Billy. "You have that paper due monday, and you're gonna be bitchy all day tomorrow if you don't do anything for it today. Drink your coffee."

Billy's mouth falls open, and he can only listen to Steve's words repeating themselves in his mind while he traces Steve's features with his eyes – the playful angle of his eyebrows, the endless brown in his eyes, fixed on Billy, how his mouth curves softly upwards, deliciously red. He's wide awake, now.

Billy feels himself being pulled upwards by invisible strings, unable to look away from Steve. He gets his knees under himself and straightens up, hands stretched out, finding the perfect angle of Steve's jaw, thumbs nestled in the hollow of his cheeks. Steve's smile has given way to shock, and Billy would have pulled back if Steve hadn't swayed into him, eyelids fluttering, breath stuttering, eyes jumping between Billy's eyes and his mouth.

When their lips meet it's sweet, it's tender, it's more than Billy thought it could be, because Steve sighs into the kiss like he's relieved, sucks on Billy's lips like he's hungry, molds his body to Billy's like he never wants to feel cold air between their bodies again. Billy welcomes Steve's tongue like a cool drink, like fresh water, begs for more of it when it retreats. Billy can't get enough of it, can't get enough of him, not now that he has it.

Steve presses more sweet kisses on his lips once the first one breaks, like he can't bear for it to end, and Billy revels in it, on the soft, fluttering feeling they ignite in his chest. Steve's kissing him like he's something to be savored, a delight to be enjoyed carefully and slowly and patiently. It makes Billy's breath catch in his chest, and he wants to hold on to Steve, to clutch him tightly.

It ends with Steve's nose stroking along Billy's cheek, sending shivers down Billy's spine. He's clinging to Steve with his hands in Steve's hair, taking deep breaths under the guise of slowing his breathing down, but really he's taking in Steve's smell, the warm, woodsy tones of him under the apple scent of his shampoo. 

"Hey," Steve murmurs against his skin. Billy's grip on him tightens, and Steve kisses his cheek, maybe to assure him that what's coming isn't bad. "Your coffee's going cold."

It startles a laugh out of Billy. He'd forgotten about the coffee.

He pulls back just enough so Steve can disentangle his arm and hand Billy the cup, and when he takes a sip, it's on the hotter end of warm. 

"It's good," Billy says, and the smile Steve gives him is wide and toothy.

"I, uh…" Steve fumbles to put the sandwich bag he was still holding on Billy's bedside table, then settles a hand on Billy's waist. It's the first touch of Steve's hands on him, and it burns deliciously. "I should– let you get back to your paper."

Steve ducks his head, hair flopping into his eyes, suddenly looking shy. Like he's not sure Billy wants him to stick around.

Billy sets the coffee cup aside. He winds his arms around Steve's waist, draws him close, so he has no doubt of where Billy wants him to go.

"Screw the paper," Billy says, and Steve stares at him with his mouth open. "Come here."

And Steve kisses him.

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send me a number from this list of soft prompts

[skzdreamz]

Need help?

MDNI! pairing: Jisung x fem!reader warnings: cursing, penetration, unprotected sex, creampie, word count: 1.8k+

Check out my other stories here!

~

Jisung was the topic of the school. he had this interesting attitude. he was always so nice to everyone. everyone knew who he was, but at the same time no one really knew him. you had always found him interesting and you hated yourself for it. you, the regular y/n, has a crush on the Jisung? well who didn't?

you are both majoring in music, which makes it even harder to push away the feelings you have for him. every time he sees you struggle, he immediately comes your way to help you out. you know it's just an act of kindness, but it still makes your heart flutter.

today was no different from other days. you're sitting in class, listening to music for inspiration. your whole class has to produce and write a song as an exam and you've never been more stressed in your life. and being the perfectionist that you are, doesn't make things easier for you. the deadline is in a couple of days and you just can't seem to figure out what's missing in your song.

you just know Jisung isn't having a hard time, since he's been producing for a long time. you really admire him for doing so. writing music? that's fine. producing music? not so much. your daily mental breakdowns over a song just weren't worth it. but of course your school assigned you the project to create a whole song, including producing your own beat.

"are you okay?" you are startled by the sudden voice breaking through your thoughts. you look up and see Jisung at your desk. your heart immediately starts beating faster just by seeing him. damn he's attractive. "y-yeah..." you shake your head "why? do I look that terrible?" you joke. "no you look really pretty actually, but you look kinda.. mad?" he chuckles. did THE Jisung just call me pretty?? you shake your head and manage to put on a fake smile, trying to assure him you're doing good.

"you can tell me you know? it looks like you're stressed?" he says now kneeling beside you and leaning his arms on your desk. your eyes fall down to his muscular arms and you have to stop yourself from staring too much. "it's just.. the assignment.." you sigh "I can't figure out what's missing.. how do you do that every time?" you say while face palming yourself. he gently grabs your wrist and pulls your hands away from your face. "do you need help?" he smiles assuringly.

~

you meet up at his house. you're pretty nervous since this is the first time you actually see him after school, but you keep in mind that he just wants to help you. he suggested helping you at his house since he has his own little set up and he can help you better that way. you're amazed by all the equipment he has and you can't wait to work on your song.

"well show me what you got already" he says as he takes a seat. you unpack your stuff from your bag and look for the file. he connects your laptop to his speakers and presses play. you didn't think much of it before, but being besides him and letting him listen to your song suddenly makes you really shy.

the song ends and you anxiously wait for his reaction. you're too scared to look him in the eyes, too afraid for his opinion. after a while he finally speaks. "I love it, but you do need to add something yes.. I just can't put my finger on it"

after trying all kinds of different instruments and him helping you with sound effects you finally finish your product. you clap excitedly and without thinking twice you jump into his arms, thanking him over and over again. he laughs whole heartedly and holds you tight. "no problem, just tell me when you need help next time okay? I'm right here" he hums into your hair.

you realize you've been hugging him for a bit too long and quickly remove yourself from his body. "now... I only need to record the lyrics and I'm good to go" you say. he smiles and nods. "I'm glad I could help, thank you for trusting me. you return the smile and sigh "yes I don't know what I would have done without you really"

he gives you a confused look before saying "you're almost done, why do you still seem upset?". he's right, you're almost done with your assignment, but your head still feels full. "it's just that I have a lot of things to do right now, but I can't seem to relieve the stress you know what I mean?" you sigh. "I can help you with that, you know?" he winks at you. you look at him confused before registering a smirk on his face. you don't know if it's just your mind wanting you to believe he's actually smirking at you, or if he really has in mind what you think he does.

"what do you mean by that?" you say. "I think you already know what I'm talking about honey" he says, his tone suddenly a lot deeper than before. you straighten your back in the chair and clear your throat, trying to look clueless, but at the same time wanting to relieve the ache that has started to form in between your legs. your little ministration doesn't go unnoticed by Jisung and he decides to take the first step by prying open your legs and kneeling in between them.

the urge to kiss him suddenly hitting you so hard you can't think straight anymore. he smiles innocently at you making it harder for you to look him in the eyes. you suddenly feel like a pervert for thinking he actually wants to do anything with you, but before you can finish that thought he starts rubbing his hands on your thighs.

"what are you thinking about pretty girl?" he says as his hands travel higher up your thighs, getting dangerously close to your core. "you, I'm thinking about you" your eyes going wide. did I just say that out loud? you feel your cheeks heating up from embarrassment and you try to hide your face with your hands, but he grabs your wrists before you can do so. "good to know baby"

you tilt your head in confusion. "come with me, let me relieve your stress for you" he says as he leads you away from his studio and into his bedroom. he turns on the light and leads you to his bed, laying you down. he hovers over you, face inches away form yours. he stops just before reaching your lips. "can I kiss you?" he whispers. you wonder how you got in this position, but you decide not to overthink too much and just let it happen.

"yes.. please" you say as you grab his face. he grins and places his soft lips on yours. the kiss is soft and loving, but soon turns into a passionate kiss. he pulls away and looks at you, lust evident in his eyes. you squirm under him tryingto buck your hips into his to relieve the ache. "patience baby, we have all night" he says as he stills your hips.

he begins kissing your neck, nudging your jaw with his nose to give himself more access. the contrast of his soft lips on your neck and the harsh bites he gives you now and then makes you a whimpering mess. you tangle your fingers in his hair and tug at the roots earning a low growl from him.

he discards your shirt, your bra, then your pants, and your panties, leaving kisses at every newly exposed patch of skin. you grow wetter and more impatient with each kiss. you grab his face and pull him up to your face again. "please, stop teasing.. I need you" you beg.

he doesn't say a word but immediately plunges two fingers into your cunt. "damn you're so wet already baby girl" he groans. he keeps up a steady pace with his fingers as he circles your clit with his thumb. the pleasure is so overwhelming you grab onto the sheets beneath you messing them up completely. moans and curses slipping past your lips occasionally.

"fuck I can't take this anymore I need to feel you" he says as he starts to undo his pants. you stop him abruptly and you see the concern in his eyes. "I'm sorry, am I going to fast?" he says as he strokes your cheek softly. you lean your face into his hand more and smile. "no that's not it, I want to do it for you" you say as you grab his belt.

you push his pants down his legs as well as his underwear. you tug on his shirt telling him to take his shirt off and he does so. you can't help but run the tips of your fingers along his chest and over his arms. you see goosebumps forming on his skin from your touch. he pushes you gently to lay you down on your back again and hovers over you.

he kisses you passionately as he guides his tip to your entrance. he guides his hips into yours and bottoms out completely. your eyes roll to the back of your head as he hits the gummy spot inside you. he gives you a little time to adjust before starting to thrust into you. his grithy cock is sliding through your velvet walls. the feeling of his length thrusting in and out of you, combined with his low moans in your ear makes you see stars. you feel your high creeping up on you as he keeps hitting your sensitive spot.

"Jisung.. fuck.. I'm close" you moan. "I know baby, I know.. be a good girl for me and hold on a bit longer yeah?" he says. sweat trickling down his temples and his perfectly styled hair now damp and clamped to his forehead. the pleasure taking over him and his face contorts as he keeps feeling you clench around his cock.

he sneaks a hand between your bodies and plays with you clit. "come on baby, cum for me, milk my cock" you're clenching uncontrollably around him by now and his words send you over the edge immediately. your eyes roll to the back of your head and your legs shake because of the intensity of your orgasm. hearing you moan and scream his name tips him over the edge as well. he comes with a string of curses leaving his mouth and shooting his warm load deep inside of you.

with a few more thrusts he pulls out and looks at your abused hole. you feel his cum dripping out of your cunt and he quickly collects it with his fingers, shoving it deep inside you again. you whince because of the overstimulation, but you're too tired to even care right now. he rubs your thighs, helping you calm down from the orgasm.

"well.. I think I should help you out more often"

~

taglist: @softyoogi @felixs-voice-makes-me-wanna @sillyrabbit76

[marimayscarlett]

Six men marriage favorite [anything, just go off 🧨]

Thank you for your ask 🌻 The topic of 'six men marriage' seems to be moving a lot of people on here currently , and that's the way it should be 😌 I have to say, I immediately thought of something that is a bit more abstract, maybe not really what you had in mind.... What I love and admire about this six men marriage, what sometimes moves me to tears and simply fills me with gratitude at the end of the day, is this: their unity.

Their will to work on themselves and on the band to resolve conflicts, to give everyone their right to vote, to build an unwavering democracy that may not leave much room for the individual, but makes the band all the stronger. It is certainly not always easy to keep something like this going and demands a lot from the individual (as some band members repeatedly mention in interviews), and yet they have kept it up - for 30 years. You get the impression that they really are driven by the desire to optimize this band time and again, which was founded 30 years ago in an old cellar and became an unbelievable worldwide success, and (after inner conflicts and struggles) are willing to put up with having to step back as individuals. Their cohesion is remarkable, there is so much emotionality in this band.

I'll let the band members speak for themselves to show that the subject of their relationship with each other as a unit and as a working team really does have an impact on everyone:

"I realized that I could do something with Rammstein that I wouldn't be able to do in any other world, I would never quit. It's not even important to me that I'm in the band. I could just drive around with the band, that would be enough for me. That's the best thing in the world for me, especially that gang feeling. I was lucky that it's a band and not a gangster gang. But I would have liked it just as much from the heart." Flake [source]

"We have a nice chemistry going on right now, really. We love each other more than ever and it feels really good to make music together." Paul [source]

"We didn't earn every euro for the great songs, but because we stuck together. The fears and hardships, the ups and downs, arguments, jealousies and envy. Not being able to sleep for nights on end because you wonder whether you'll get your way or give in. The conflicts of conscience, the psychodramas. I've often asked myself why I do something to myself that wears my soul out so much and don't just do something else. Rammstein is like an old marriage, you can't let go. The kids are out of the house, but the wife is still there, she's not really sexy anymore, but I love her." Till [source]

"Everyone represents the band, not just the singer. Till has never had a problem with that. We know that we are only Rammstein together. If someone steps out of line, there's a group force that pulls them back in: "Go back into your line." Of course, that restricts our individuality a little. But we love it. We feel safe and comfortable in it because we know that's where our strength lies." Schneider [source]

"We realised that in order to get the best out of our music we had to become very critical of the stuff that we were doing. Because of that, we had to overcome many difficult obstacles together and that’s what we finally did." Oliver [source]

"There were times I felt like I don’t want to do it anymore, but there was always something, a bigger picture I’ve seen that made it worth while. I always figured we can over-step our egos. There’s something more beautiful than fighting for your egos." Richard [source]

It really seems to be like one big marriage... 'For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish...' 🤍

[onesecretperson]

10 bloggers you'd like to know better challenge/prompt. tagged by @redpenship

last song: Return to Krocodile Isle, again, because I've been on and off listening to it after work since I first watched that animated music video. Just good kind of musical stuff.

favorite color: I have a very difficult time with Favorites in general, but I'll say a Dark Shade Of Purple right now, like one that'd be good for colour palettes in nighttime scenes.

last book: A Libertarian Walks Into a Bear, a nonfiction book that I'm only just finishing because of how sporadically I actually take time to read books. It's very amusing though, written like a long TV Documentary, though I imagine I'd find a lot of a nonfiction is written like that If I'll actually find more to read.

last movie: Adams Family Values, watched on a Discord Watch party, which is where I see most movies now a days. It was a fun movie, and surprisingly good.

last tv show: Mission Hill, also watched on a Discord Watch Party. First time I saw it & I was so surprised by how impressive the character animation is. It's also so well written for it's humour.

sweet/savory/spicy: Savoury. I can't handle a lot of forms of sweet anymore, like I can feel it actively damage me. Still eatch lots of sugary things but at a limited scope. Spicy is pretty good too but I don't like capsaicin much. Honestly though, whatever the flavor genre that brand cereal, oats, etc are in is the most common thing I eat.

relationship status: Single. Actually just started being interested in the idea of a romantic relationship this year. But... I only want to interact with people over shared interests. Putting energy into dating for the sake of dating is hard to justify.

last thing I searched: Aw heck, capsaicin, because I wanted to double check the spelling and if I was thinking of the right thing. I usually keep a thesaurus open due to my random dips in how confident I am in my understanding of basic words, so I don't have to use the search engine for it. Before that though was "Pathfinder Troop."

current obsession: I don't have a specific obsession above the rest right now, my brain is hopping between topics constantly. I AM however just falling off of a Disco Elysium obsession. Actually more like I'm actively forcing my thought patterns to change to stop thinking about it because I played the story twice now and I really don't want to start making fanfiction pitches and outlines for it. I also don't want to get stuck trying to perfect a run in it like I did when playing Suzerain for a month straight.

looking forward to: Trying out some sort of anxiety treatment, because I was never worried about how much I worried until I just recently started to consider that maybe my Psychiatrist is right about OCD to a limited extent. I also that a lot of my frusterating behaviors seems anxiety driven, and having more control over what I am able to do would be so nice.

BONUS TOPICS

favorite drink: Water. So much Water.

song playing on a loop in your head: Ms Langtree's Lament song from Over the Garden Wall. Mostly because I always forget certain lyrics and replaying the song to figure out what the lyric is.

current favorite character: Kim Kitsuragi. The hype about this man online was correct, he is such a perfect supporting character for a video game. Like he is so patient, but he also constantly has tells that reveal his interests and real opinions. He's so interesting.

fun activity you would like to get into: Making very simple video Games. Maybe even with other people.

last video game: Game Dev Tycoon, because I was weak last night and let myself slip into one of my annoying looping thought patterns around that game's gameplay. Luckily I actually didn't have as rough of a time getting stuck into it like I tend to.

last comic/graphic novel: I think the latest was the update of Jareddilon's Wayward Comic. But yeah I'm still trying to learn the skill of reading graphic novels. I have a lot of IDW physical prints but never read them veyr far yet despite enjoying what I did read. I was always so frustrated as a kid that I couldn't read comic either whenever I tried.

Tagging -I've just tagged people I've interacted with through Tumblr at least once before. Don't think any of these people have many interests in common: @noeggets, @bethdehart, @antirepurp, @slunberparty, @buginacup, @lonicera-edulis, @fridka, @snewdraws, @friendlyfangs, @skelleste

[fitzrove]

hello duchess of fitzrovia,, I see on your Mate interview translation video that you learned german for 3 years before being able to translate the video. may I ask how you learned? do you have any tips? thanks and stay well!!

Hii, thanks for asking! :D

This got long, so TL;DR:

1) Immerse yourself by putting yourself into situations where you truly have to speak/try to understand German to get through it. (Can be "I desperately want to understand this information I found online, but I won't unless I decipher and translate it".)

2) For listening and reading: Seek out a topic area you're genuinely interested in and learn about that in German. (I've never found Duolingo or other apps like that super helpful or interesting/motivating...)

3) For speaking practice especially, consider "real" language courses! For pronunciation, consider making musical cover songs your hobby xD (This is genuinely how I've gotten most of my pronunciation practice.)

I've been passively learning German for about 8 years now (started listening to German-language musicals in 2016), but I did only start learning actively and with intent in 2021. My "official" studies have been:

An A1 basic course in 2021 (6 weeks, 2ish hours a week)

A B1.2 Goethe course in 2023 (10 weeks, 2 hours a week)

A failed attempt at a B2.2 course in 2024 (stopped going because I got too busy with uni), and another B2.2 attempt that I'm currently completing :D

However, I would say that I've learned most of the language on my own, from watching musicals and interviews, reading books, articles and blog posts, and finally immersion - moving to Germany into a city where a lot of basic life things won't get done if you can't speak the language. For example: my apartment building caretaker (who gave me the keys and who I needed to call to fix my shower drain a month in) didn't speak any English, and neither did people at the tax bureau, town hall, supermarket, regional theatres... On trains, some important announcements will only be given in German, and some museums don't give all of their guided tours in English. This has been a huge help for me - sometimes it's a headache, but it does teach you a lot!!!

The major advantage in taking courses, though, is that there's 1) someone to motivate/"force" you to do vocab and grammar exercises, 2) someone to give feedback and corrections, 3) a group to practice speaking with. The last point has been the most helpful for me, I think, because learning super eclectically means that my skills are kind of unbalanced... I read academic texts really well if I can look up individual words & I understand speech in most situations, but I struggle a lot with grammar and independent writing, and I used to be nervous speaking before starting to practice more formally in a classroom setting where there's help.

I think the most important tip I can give is to just dive in - force yourself into situations where the only way you get what you want is by speaking German or figuring out what words mean :D I picked up basic vocabulary and phrases from listening to musicals and reading transcriptions (important!) and translations of the songs I was listening to, and from there, it was easy to expand. For reading, I really recommend finding something that you're organically interested in otherwise (for me it's been 19th century history research and primary sources from that era, as well as musical theatre stuff); for listening, I recommend looking up documentaries/music/movies that you would also watch if they were in English. In many language classes they will purposefully teach you about German/DACH culture and show students "classics" from those countries, and while that's also important, I think for independent learning it's more effective to find something that you're really, genuinely personally passionate about.

I still Deepl difficult words and make a huge amount of grammar mistakes when speaking (my current course includes one-on-one discussion hours with the teacher which has been so helpful, but she needs to interrupt me about once a minute with "syntax... SYNTAX!!" xD) but I get complimented a lot on my German skills, largely due to the fact that I speak confidently despite the mistakes & have a decent accent >:)

[anxilly]

part 1 because tumblr is STUPID and won't let me post the whole thing wtf

thanks for the tag @thavron! i don't have ten people to tag, but mostly because im scared to bother anyone and also because you've tagged a lot of the people i would in this, haha

last song: oh boy. im pretty sure it was 'taste' by sabrina carpenter- im not massively pop girlie, but there's something about her that i can't really get off my mind? yes i know haha insert espresso joke here, but my taste in music has always been much more personal than it should be- i was, for a very long time, that emo chick who never listened to pop or anything "mainstream" because it was cringe or whatever the fuck i was on. in recent years i've learned to loosen my stranglehold on the labels that i used to define myself with because of how harmful they actually ended up being in figuring out my identity, so im slowly getting to a point where i can openly admit that yeah actually, pop IS cool and there's nothing wrong with enjoying certain genres of music just because they don't blow your eardrums out whenever you listen to them favourite colour: funnily enough, teal! black is my go to for everything because it's very hard to make black look bad, but teal is pretty af and a perfect mix of sea green, grey and blue which are all colours i love last book: i've picked up.... so many books.... during 2024 that i never finished, by the most recent one that i've picked up (not counting manga here) is a book called "les jolies choses" by virginie despentes. she's an author i like quite a bit, because her literature is rough and real, and it's not afraid to poke at topics that are incredibly uncomfortable. reading her feels like she's the kind of person who'd just understand what a messed up ND 20 something year old is going through 100% last movie: seoul station, i've just been watching a ton of zombie/monster horror as (mainly) background noise while i do craft stuff lol, the youtube video essays don't do much for me anymore last tv show: currently watching sweet home, but the show i just finished was all of us are dead which are both fantastic adaptations of webtoons of the same name- but let's not get started on korean webtoons because they're one of my favourite things to talk about x) sweet/spicy/savoury: spicy!!!! my partner is allergic (genuinely) to spice so i haven't been having as much as i would like, but i have pretty messed up tastebuds so spice is not only something i can tolerate, but also one of the few things that gives food flavour last thing i searched online: the name of the author i mentioned previously because i couldn't find her first name on any of my books LMFAO current obsession: good question, i don't actually think i have one atm. i've been really into doing creative stuff, but i wouldn't call it an obsession, necessarily. my love for good omens starting fading a while back and while i still love it, i definitely haven't been nearly as invested as i used to be. i both do and don't hope for another hyperfixation because i can't figure out whether im prepared for my life to come to a standstill again or not lol