#and obviously im going to start with the beginning
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Quick references for all my OCs under the cut :) For the full body/more detailed refs, click the header text over each section for a redirect!
Please feel free to talk with me about them :D
Nova Stella
Gladiatoria
Pandemonium
Dragon Tree
Owl Feather
Lunar Flair
Cobalt Heart
The Timber Scouts
Tartarus
The Sisters
Royals & Zodiac Knights
Misc. Family
Arion, Eris & Atlas
#finn's ocs#oc references#note: all designs/ages/pronouns/ etc. are listed was what they are at the very beginning of the story#or at the character's introduction#many of these will change (esp age since it takes place over the course of 5 years)#and obviously im going to start with the beginning
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I keep thinking about Merlin’s love for Arthur and how it’s so clearly portrayed in the show to the point that it practically drives the plot of the show. However when it comes to Arthur’s love for Merlin it’s more subtle and sometimes difficult to even grasp, and I started thinking why that was, aside from the obvious fact that Arthur has a lot of trouble expressing his emotions affection or otherwise. I think it also lies in the fact that Merlin knows Arthur intrinsically throughout the show; he is one of the closest people to Arthur, and sees him for who he really is. Arthur admits as much.
Sure, Arthur knows Merlin but the main part of the plot is that he really doesn't know Merlin. Merlin wants him to desperately understand him and “see me for who I am” but he can't yet. And I think this subconsciously creates a barrier in the way in which Arthur can care for Merlin, and how Merlin can let himself be seen by Arthur.
Which is why I think he was also so hurt when the magic reveal happens because more than the betrayal of Merlin having magic, it was the betrayal of Merlin not letting Arthur see him for who he really is and for hiding a main part of himself. Arthur says it himself “why did you never tell me” that’s what hurt him the most.
I think the most damning piece of evidence for this is the fact that while we see snippets of Arthur’s feelings for Merlin thought the show, the biggest signs are in the last episode after the magic reveal; in which he finally gets to understand Merlin, and this time REALLY know Merlin, and as the barriers of what held them back from understanding each other truly fall away, Arthur evidently “falls in love with Merlin all over again”. We see him actually express himself to Merlin.
This is another reason why I think if anyone was ever to create another season of Merlin after Arthur’s return, it’s physically impossible not to make it about Merlin and Arthur acknowledging their feelings for each other. Because there is no way forward without them acknowledging how deeply they care for each other, obviously anyone is free to argue what kind of love that is, but its impossible not to see the deep love there either way.
They always knew they loved each other, just maybe never realising how much and what that means, because its almost second nature to everything that they do.
#merlin meta#bbc merlin#merthur#ignore me im literally just rambling#im not sure this even makes sense but i had to yap it out anyway!!#i think merlins love for Arthur surpasses his destiny in a way#He foresakes himself and his people just to ensure Arthur lives#but that turned out to be the undoing of them all#I cannot stress enough how insane this makes me#its sometimes harder to look at Arthur and understand how his love for merlin takes form#but the way he starts taking small steps to check in on merlin when he's being particularly quiet#or noticing the changes in merlin is a good indicator because it is so completely opposite his nature#and ofc the way in which he trusts merlin so completely#remember this is a man who has constant problems with people he chooses to trust#and he also shows time and time again how far he's willing to go beyond the accepted norms to also protect merlin#I think it was always harder for him to allow himself to open about his emotions#and it was much easier to keep it under lock and key to avoid it being seen as a weakness#Obviously thanks to Uthers A+ parenting which could not have helped#but as the seasons go on he begins to open up and thats no small part in thanks to merlins influence in his life#and when it comes to the finale they are both boiled down to raw emotion having to face each other#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon
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& by the way i literally CONSTANTLY think about how loop uses the partys titles to create distance to remind themself that those arent 'their versions' of them. that theyre not loops party anymore. and yet and yet and yet
#talk tag#i think about 'and because of you bonnie was-' DAILYYYYYY#god. god. they care s mcuhghfjkbjkdklj#i think that may be the only time until twohats that they ever use any of the partys names. except! for reminding sif if u get that dialogu#which. im also normal about. clearly obviously absolutely#they create that distance as much as they can and yet. for siffrin.#godddddd i need to be sedated#isat spoilers#okay oh my god i went back to check to make sure i was right and turns out i forgor a couple of times both of which make me even more ill#one is technically under the umbrella of twohats bc its at the very end when loop says theyll need to accept everyones thanks. and they say#-everyones names. and the other is at the very very beginning in the initial battle tutorial they say everyones names + stats#(which btw PROVES MY POINT abt so much of loops help going under the radar bc in any other game itd just be a regular tutorial with no-#-in universe correlation or effect)#but they start with 'heres some basic stats about you and your party members to remember' and i. the. like realistically the explanation-#-for loop using their names instead of titles. is bc adrienne thought using their titles would make it too obvious someone else was talking#since u havent met loop yet at that point and dont know its not a regular tutorial thats only directed at the player and not the character#But Also: heres some things you should remember about your party members [lists their names]#im normal. im fine and normal. prommy#... okay it turns out they also say isabeaus name when giving the paper mache hands tutorial. no idea what to make of that one aklfjdlksjf#and after the change god event when u bring it up they say 'mirabelles statue'#And Thats It. fascinating. what is the logic there#isatposting
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Killing myself a thousand times over. Do I want the setting of Good Intentions to be past based (fantasy greece meets the industrial revolution) or futuristic (fantasy greece meets itself after a stupidly ambiguous amount of years)
#notnow#good intentions#see the thing is. im coming to realize that good intentions has a lot to do with energy/creating forms of energy#which situates its best two setting options either at the industrial revolution (for self explanatory reasons) or in a far off future (wher#maybe all established energy forms are getting fucked and new alternatives need to be found)#i do sort of want like. an older fantasy feel for the work hence my leaning towards industrial revolution. also bc thatd set the sequel in#the early 20th century which would just delight me overall#whereas with a timeskip like that in an already futuristic setting its like. okay. how much further can i take it / how can i meaningfully#actually show the impacts the findings of the first book have had on society at large#also some of the jobs and overall vibe of good intentions calls back to an older time ie niovi's mom singing moirologia#but at the same time. i shant lie. trying to correlate the overall vibe of the industrial revolution on what is essentially greece#(who actively did not have an industrial revolution on that scale due to the 600~ years of ottoman everything)#is proving a little hard. as is serrating what would be hashtag greek in that period from what would be turkish when today obviously its al#so intertwined. but in fantasy greece that occupation simply didnt happen which is lending itself a bit weird to translating traditions#and such. at least in a futuristic setting a lot of this history would be a given and i could move ahead from ot#*it even.#and maybe tie the history into a perfect loop of like.. yk when things go so far into the future they begin to revert into the past etc#if i did future though fantasy greece would have to take on a bit more of a 1:1 role in its correlation to greece. as opposed to#the industrial revolution where it primarily relies on greek aesthetics but that i can play around in lotr style#. this is essentially becoming a matter of me trying to decide if i should style my book's setting after lotr or the locked tomb i am comin#to realize. right.#at least in the future hess would get to smoke which she deserves. but at the same time nothing about her place in her society would pack#the same punch. unless her corner of the society was more obsessed with nationalistic preservation and thus more old fashioned? but ugh#if i keep my current setting (place divided into four parts) and place it in the future i worry it starts giving divergence#head in my actual stupid fucking hands. i need to lock in#its going to take me a william years to introduce this project again the way we are going#also ignore the typos in this rant my tags refused to cooperate on all fronts
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this isn’t even about my evil agenda anymore I actually just need to hear your dissertation on voltron/klance x first love late spring
you do evil things to my dick and balls. i hope you know that.
first love / late spring is a very keith-core song, but i think it also applies to both keith and lance... but more specifically, FL/LS is keith pre-relationship, and then FL/LS is lance once they have already started dating.
i'm obsessed with that one interview of mitski where she explained that she wrote this song while she was experiencing her vulnerable first love... and first love is vulnerable. you simultaneously reap the rewards of being known but at the same time, you've now let someone else know you, and now you have to trust them to take care of you. and it's so vulnerable. it's more naked than being naked. and it's so difficult as well because now you're learning a brand new way you can be hurt.
so keith, pre-relationship... he's pining for lance and he is MISERABLE. he's lost control! he feels like he's being consumed by the enormity of his feelings. he's eight years old and small and never asked for this, he never wanted to know he could feel this way. he just wants lance to fucking go already. keith wants to spit vitriol and blame and shame and drive lance away so that when lance leaves him (and he will leave him, like everyone else has), then at least it will be on keith's own terms for once. and keith doesn't, he refuses, to say how he feels. he'll spitefully choke on his confession until it suffocates him. he doesn't want to know what lance might say.
but he also is afraid of lance's reaction because... if lance gives him even a sliver of ground, if there's even a promise of a chance -- keith will fold instantly. he will jump into this love headfirst. he'll do anything if it will make lance stay with him.
and then lance, mid-established relationship... things with keith are perfect, everything is going great, so why does lance feel so anxious all the time? why does he feel so scared when keith looks at him like he's his whole world? maybe the problem is lance. because what they have is real. because he's pretty sure keith is it for him. and that terrifies lance. because lance, deep down, knows he's going to screw this up. and it's not just his heart on the line; he's also going to hurt keith.
keith smiles at him and lance feels sick to his stomach. he wants to tell keith that they might be happy right now, but eventually, lance is going to ruin this. he wants to warn keith that lance is going to break his heart one day.
lance isn't always so negative about himself. during the day, it's easy to let himself be buoyed and enveloped by his feelings for keith. he loves being in love with keith. because the love is real. it's real, and it's there, and that matters. but at night, all those poisonous insecurities and anxieties rear their ugly head, and lance finds himself standing on a ledge over a drop. lance daydreams about spending the rest of his life with keith; lance has never felt so young and small.
#mintcaboodle#klance#voltron#ask#the old child/young adult metaphor is also like. so lance-core. AND THE 'I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME' LINE!!!!!!!!#im in my feels tonight i'm sorry the lance analysis is not fully cooked#also like obviously lance doesn't always feel this way. it's more pertinent closer to the beginning when he#starts to fully realize the depths of his feelings and he's freaking out because he's beginning to understand what it means to spend#the rest of your life with someone and that is a TERRIFYING thing to want and imagine when you're only 17/18#lance does get better though and his insecurities die out the longer and more stable his relationship with keith is#though sometimes those same insecurities crop up now and again#i talk a lot about pining keith and how like tumultuous his experience is. but once he starts dating lance things even out for him#whereas lance is relatively chill in his pining and then begins to flounder after they get together and after he's realized the Love word#otp: we are a good team#katiecanons#idk i guess#keith#lance
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bro is dead next chapter
#figured ill start yapping here abt my interests whenever im feelin brave enough#oh my lort . kengo. 😂. 😭.#was thinking abt the first chapter where koichi got mad at keiichi for starting a fight in his vicinity like#he is NAWT gonna let the doping slide LMAO 😭#i cant blame him tho if i were in his position id wanna beat his ass too bc that's potentially taking the whole team down w him#and career ruining obviously#literally have no clue where this could go im on the EDGE OF MY SEATTT#trying not to think about it too much and just go with the flow bc i feel like trying to predict the plot#could set me up for disappointment yk?#trusting noda w this one#bc like. technically we didnt see kengo take the drugs#holdin out hope that theres a possibility he didnt#its also hard to tell bc he was on penalty the entire time he was in that game LOL like we didnt even see him play#the confontation gonna b crazay intense tho i just kno#otherwise i feel ljke its hard to tell where this can go rn#augh... kengo... prayin for u.... COME BACK TO THE LIGHT SIDE#what kengo wrong !!! 🤪🤪😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣throwing up crying#whatever let the kengo apologist games begin ill ride or die for u#this high school hockey shit is serious help (not rlyLOL)#oops sry mb it was chapter 2***
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ouuuughhh im feeling so many things about lusyd rn and their break up </3 my poor poor sydney.. i feel so fucking bad for him
#i Really gotta write like. an entire fic about how they met and started talking#which led up to sydney confessing and lucian (stupid idiot) feeling like sydney was the safest option he had (hes such a fucking asshole)#and so accepting his confession without fully returning sydneys feelings#lucian just felt like.. “yeah hes really sweet and cute i like him!” not like. really liking him i think#lucian didnt really try to get to know sydney past surface level either :(#i wanna write the beginning middle end and afterwards for them#im so extremely excited to write sydney#im hung up on whether i want sydney to be corrupted or pure but i think i wanna go with corrupt because itd be like. arguably worse#and more heartbreaking#p!sydney would obviously be super heartbroken but i think he'd do better than c!sydney would#c!sydney would be a fucking mess#angel.exe
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had an amazing interview yesterday.... was told I'd know by Monday.... but it's alleged they DRUG TEST and I just bought 6 packs of weed edibles 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#AND!!!!! AND!!!!!! IVE GOT THE HOUSE TO MYSELF FOR A SOLID WEEK!!!!!!!#i guess ill know monday if i can get high that night or tuesday but like.... i want to have one now lmao#like.... the paper i signed was more worried about being drunk on the jo#and OBVIOUSLY i wouldnt show up to my folder customer service job high off my ass..... but that thc can stay in your system for awhilw#i had one last nigbt tk celebrate the interview so idk if im even in the clear to begin with#and like.... i told them my start date would ve the 20th & im out of town vefore that so the goal is like.... they go to achedule#and we have to schedule it way out so i have time to like.....not worry & get my pee clean#like.... it wouldnt matter so much if my parents werent LEAVING this E N T I R E week... like.... this is MY vacatioj too!!!!!#and i just bought it after a horrid week 😭😭😭😭😭 worked my ass of it for it in order to relax this week#like#i know i shouldnt be dependent on it and im really trying not to ve#but the anti-anxiety relaxing of it all helps so much#and im reeeeeally not the biggest fan of drinking....i pee too much 😭😭😭😭😭 ironically 😭😭😭😭😭😭#like.... at this point.... its like..... do i care about getting this job more than i care about letting my brain and body relax this week#i always put myself first & listen to my heart & soul to dictate what to do#but my mind just keeps thinking about getting that failed drug test back and going back to the job hunt#but im still IN the job hi t#*hunt#AND HERES THE THING!!!! walking around that damn office.... seeing what people were wearing.....#its professional but i know damn well theres people in there smoking weed#like.... 25 of the 50 employees i saw showed up in casual loungepants these people are not prestigious#and like.... the paper i signed.... they didnt even edit to include the company name????#it kept saying “the Company will not like you to drink on the clock and assumes you will not get behind company vechiles drunk either”#like.... tooooootally understandable i just wanna eat some edibles before im an official employee of your folder business my loves#let me have a 50mg and zone out for the night while im finally free from all these losers..... PLEASE#anyways......personal problems that my brain needs to expel so it doesnt tumble all around for the next few houes#WHILE I DOORDASH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 fuck me#like..... i got this interview through indeed ill just keep going till i cant if it fails
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actually ascension needs its own post since that's the one with the most details to speculate over and im starved for soho talk so i will talk to myself if need be
First the cover again, because I kinda can't get over it:
my only thing is that I had been hoping we might get Lizbeth on a cover again since she's never been on one of the boxsets before, despite being the 2nd person credited on all 4 of them (even if that's just alphabetical, still, she's the only one of the four main characters who never makes the cover)
But letting that go...
I know we already kinda knew the brief for this one but damn I didn't expect it to go quite this hard. Maybe that's just because the Parasite & Ashenden covers were (comparatively) similarish to each other and I was so pleased with Unbegotten's, and then got so used to it as the placeholder for Ascension while they kept postponing it, I wasn't expecting anything this colorful or detailed or with what I can't help but register as Fun New Outfits even though these are still like, pretty damn basic as far as costumes go. Still, it's a different vibe from everyone in suits and trenchcoats on every cover, technically. (Oh the woes of being an audio fan such that two characters owning sweaters actually does qualify as new information)
On top of just being visually delightful though, I know we knew religion was gonna be a fairly big part of this one, but I didn't actually expect to get quite this much of it - though I'm glad of it for a number of reasons. The BF twitter already made the ineffable joke so I don't have to, but also yeah I did very much spend all of season 2 episode 4 of good omens half convinced Samuel Barnett & Dervla Kirwan were about to pop up around any given corner (if you will go around being gay supernatural and horrible at your messy bureaucratic jobs in midcentury soho then I'm sorry, this is where my brain's gonna go) - so, fuel to that fire. But in terms of actual important things, at least one of my Soho wishes looks to be being granted because we have a Rev Edward Folgate on the cast list, which must mean we're finally meeting Norton's father, even if his mother & brother don't appear (which they could, technically, I've definitely seen BF not list all the doublings on their cast tabs before). Religion, domesticity, and the nuclear family are all things that absolutely fascinate me when it comes to Norton's character, so getting any amount of story involving his father & his church is something I've been actively hoping for for a long time now.
(I will say I'm a tiny bit bummed Saffron Coomber isn't on the cast list to play Mia again, but I kinda figured she wasn't going to be since Greg Austin's Armitage, who's making his first recurring appearance after originating in Unbegotten, was listed ever since the boxset was announced - presumably if she was also returning, that would've been handled in the same way. But since Unbegotten ended with Lizbeth and Mia going on a date, I still held out hope. Who knows though, maybe things did go well for them and Lizbeth just has a better work/life balance than Norton so she can date someone without them getting dragged into every scifi plot. I know that's not a very common accomplishment for any Torchwood agent, but a gal can hope)
At this point I know I'm completely in the realm of speculation & even wishful thinking, but I'm really really hoping we get some more clues as to Norton's overall timeline in this one, and I have a feeling that even if there's nothing as direct as dates given, the events of a plot like this one are going to heavily influence my personal interpretation of it.
To say that life & death are major themes for the soho crew feels wildly reductive, but even by Torchwood's standards and taking into account its origins as a piece of media with Jack Harkness & his newfound immortality at the heart of it, the living/dead status of this bunch has always been fantastically up in the air to me. Obviously Ghost Mission introduced Norton as kind of a ghost before revealing more obvious ghostly characters later on to which the title might have been referring, but his being from the past did beg the question of his survival into Torchwood's present era all the same, which Outbreak later alludes to much more directly, and his habit of showing up via hologram in multiple stories only further obfuscates any certainty we might have about where & when he definitely can be said to be alive and well. Then you've got Lizbeth and Gideon both being effectively 'brought back to life' via paradoxes that prevented them ever having died in the first place. Again, they are very very far from being the only Torcwhood characters this happens to (for a sprawling EU, it's really rather impressive how often & in how many different ways Torchwood as a whole manages to circle back to being about like. chaotic undead queers at the end of every day. though I suppose that consistency is part of why I keep falling in love with its different iterations again and again). That's without even getting into the question of Norton's dubious fate in God Among Us - and I say dubious because I know some people take that to be his ultimate death, but I personally think that reading something as vague as that as having any kind of finality rather goes against the spirit of this whole world/series, not just because I want him to live. (There are obviously other ways to make him survive/reappear, but I don't see this as a River Song scenario where we can safely assume one of his earlier-released adventures had to happen at the end of his personal timeline). But wherever God Among Us falls for him, he does very much meet God in it - or at least, a god, since the sentinel in Unbegotten is also described as a god of sorts, and even if he doesn't ultimately have the status of the god Jacqueline King is playing there, Unbegotten is still full to bursting with ghosts/undead/came back wrong/echo characters to continue underscoring that life/afterlife theme.
So all things considered, even allowing for the fact that we know Norton's twin hobbies are lying about himself and abusing time travel to suit his own ends/ever-shifting alliances, I find it difficult to believe we could get through a whole 6-part boxset about religion & death without something providing some kind of compelling evidence about where this adventure fits in among his other run-ins with apocalypses and gods and ghosts and dead-but-still-here characters/creatures, so I'm very much looking forward to any further exploration on that front.
And lastly, and least intellectually, I really want to know what the hell 20th-century Torchwood's obsession with Reginalds is. Reading through the cast list, I had to do two separate doubletakes over the character 'Sir Reginald Peebles' - firstly, because I had Reginald Rigsby on the brain, this being Soho (and the other Troughton brother being so active on BF's releases for this same month) - and secondly, because reading this in conjunction with the announcement for the July monthly adventure in which the new main Torchwood guy of the 20s is apparently called Sir Reginald Dellafield, there was a brief moment where I took that monthly release to be a tie-in with Ascension. I don't expect it to be, but damn. was it really so popular a name?
anyways, catch me thinking about those stained glass windows for the next couple months I guess (and knowing Torchwood Soho, for a long long time after it comes out as well lol)
#torchwood soho: ascension#let's start with the most obvious shall we? behind norton - hellfire or divine radiance? whadda we think?#i know one's much more likely for him but also consider: he's been a fairly good boy by norton standards anyway lately#well i say 'lately' like i know when this takes place#idk why but i kinda feel like this starts very soon after unbegotten#comedy is probably why honestly. since that ends with them being like hey! something went right!#i think ever since i first heard that i was like ok cool so the next installment's gonna be something earth shatteringly bad#& it's gonna kick off dramatically literally one second after this scene ends right?#not that it wouldnt be nice to have some (clearly-defined) timeskip there#tbh i feel like that's the one thing that's missing with soho sometimes - those little medium-sized gaps in continuity#where either speculation or even a missing scenes style fic would go#between parasite & ashenden lizbeth was dead and andy wasnt in the right era for soho shenanigans#and norton and gideon went through SO much offscreen (offmic?)#rebuilding torchwood and starting a relationship and breaking up and getting possessed by space eels and destroying torchwood again#that's like... Too Much to analyze/meaningfully discuss without a few more details from canon#and between Ashenden & Unbegotten it's very unclear how much time has passed#norton certainly seems affected when he sees gideon again for the first time but we also know he went there for him so how long was it?#that and we have literally zero explanation for what andy's doing in the 50s in that one to begin with. has he been there continuously?#or did he leave and come back? if so did norton even have to try justifying it to him?#or does andy just accept at this point that he'll be summoned for anything norton feels is noteworthy? honestly either's plausible w him#but also we have so little confirmed about what torchwood looks like at this point in time!#maybe andy gets summoned for all missions bc he norton and lizbeth are virtually the only agents left after gideon quits#there's just a few too many things unexplained/alluded to for me to go total total fandom mode on this#speculating & theorizing about everything that happens off-audio#doubtless this is mainly bc of norton's general untrustworthiness#like im sure a different main character would've left the audience with fewer uncertainties after this many hours of storytelling#but with soho im still left needing just a tiiiiiny bit more before i feel im knowledgeable enough about the situation to expand upon it#in the traditional fandomy 'transformative' way#right now most of my fanning over it is just speculation about what precisely we can be confident in from the dialogue we do have#but i'd like to go further than that truly. these characters captivate me. obviously.
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this probably already exists in some form but a match-3 mobile game that starts as a completely normal cheerful and wholesome sort of "rebuild the town" or "restore the mansion" type of story but slowly becomes a cosmic horror game as you little by little uncover secrets no mortal was ever meant to discover. it never stops being a match-3 but eventually the normal game pieces like idk gems and fruit or whatever gradually become weird and corrupted and sometimes replaced with ominous glyphs. by late game a sanity meter mechanic is added.
#i dont even want the typical sort of hints from the very beginning that something is wrong#obviously the info page for it would let people know just so they arent playing something they dont want to#but other than that i want it to start like frog fractions style basically#im not going to make this so if by some weird chance somebody sees this and gets inspired then yes please by all means#and change whatever you want from this initial prompt obvs#you could make it less supernatural i guess but#a. murder mysteries are played out and b. boooring
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Me: be patient
Also me: *refreshing my email every 20 minutes*
#tomorrow ill be doing dog stuff all day so i wont have the chance god bless 🙏#im also hopefully starting handling classes next week!#which is why i really need to start setting up a store to sell my art#on account of im literally on a 5 month timer before i get kicked out#on a lighter note also hopefully joining a local kennel club so thats cool!#im so stressed genuinely i feel miserable and anxious but alas so it goes.#minimum wage here is reasonable but not really when you consider how much i am paying for gas to drive to work/school/dog stuff#im just very lost. obviously cant work this job forever because it is so physically taxing and inconsistent but i dont have any other -#- options#like how do i begin going about peddling my art? how do i begin building a portfolio?#i HAVE a website but im not even sure what to post#what to write about#etc etc etc#i am a good writer too! i know im a good writer but i just dont know what to write ABOUT#what interests people?#what would people want me to do a deep dive on?#the blessing of being autistic means i love everything about purebred dogs and love doing deep dives on different topics#the curse of being autistic is i can leave no stone unturned and then it becomes overwhelming and i cant put everything into a cohesive -#- piece.#anyway. my situation is not unique but it is to me and the doom and gloom is setting in#apologies if you read this far.
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this is partially a critique on my part but even more of a critique on other online leftists' part since i notice a complete lack of attempts at putting oneself in others shoes- it shouldn't quite literally take learning you have x minority ethnicity in you to have sympathy and understanding for them.
#i started understanding native people more when even the possibility of me having ntv american in me was presented to me#heres an idea: ACTUALLY TRY TO VISUALIZE WHAT SHIT WOULD BE LIKE IF YOU WERE IN STEAD OF DOING NOTHING#yes. yes. you will 'never fully comprehend' blah blah blah but im sure you've had enough experiences being treated lesser than#to be able to put yourself in other peoples shoes long enough to understand the complex ways of how shit negatively effects people#pretend that you are jewish (in your brain not irl if you're not. this is a thought exercise.) and now tell me what you think should#happen to jewish ppl in israel. and wait- i mean ACTUALLY think about it. dont shit out the most buzzwordsy shit you can think of#to make yourself feel and Look Cool to your followers. basically im asking you to do method acting here. i want you to go THAT far#to understand bc its apparently what needs to be done for you to understand.#bc if you're actually doing this thought exercise and you're actually educated on why theres jewish ppl in israel to begin with#(hint: they were forced out of other countries) you're not going to then be like 'yeah its fine to kill all jewish ppl in israel' you just#WONT come to that conclusion if you're being honest.#also i bet plenty a yall havent even gotten dna tests so far all you know you COULD have ashkenazi in you!#so you need to internalize that and try to act the way you think someone put in that situation would act to understand better.#also obviously all the while listening to jewish people while you're at it.
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ohhhh the witcher 3 is getting on my nerves again. this game hates me specifically!!!!
#spent several hours over the last few weeks learning gwent and trying to complete the collect em all mission#ONLY TO DISCOVER. WHILE LOOKING AT A GUID FOR CARD LOCATIONS.#that the guy who serves as a gwent tutorial at the VERY BEGINNING of the game gives u a card if u beat him#and obviously i did not best him bc im only NOW getting good at gwent#and theres just no other way to collect that card#and even tho usually the missions fail if u cant complete them anymore (makes sense) for some reason the gwent one DOESNT#SO I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO COMPLETE THE SET#so now i just. the ONLY way to complete this achievement is to start an entire new game from scratch#which u know like whatever. its a side thing. its not important. but i really like gwent and i wanted to collect them all!!!#like do i REALLY want to spend 30+ hours all over again JUST to get ONE achievment??#all bc the game didnt fail the mission i had no chance of finishing from the moment i unlocked it???#its pissed me off so much i dont even want to play it anymore 😭😭 NG+ doesnt even let u keep ur cards#so i cant even beat the game and then go back for it!!!!#its just. ugh. for a game this massive i feel like there should be more than one chance to collect an item important to side quests??????
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art goals for 2025
get better at doing backgrounds -> clutter, interiors, exteriors
get back into watercolours!!! maybe even ACRYLIC. i have so much art supplies that got dusty during my year and a half long pseudo-sleep, it saddens me to see :(
get WEIRDER and QUEERER
maybe? some oc comics? :o
vibe more breathe more feel more absorb those colours and see them in all places again
more landscapes, more traditional in gen. need to see if my inking pens still work.......
skulls skulls skulls skull :3 and sparklies
#itd be cool to learn formline too but that obviously merits research on how to even begin going about that respectfully and to see if my#nation has its own style and or art language. i grew up and still live in the unceeded territory of a neighbouring people but even then#the work im most familiar with would be that of the coastal salish peoples#and idek if theres anyone in my family i could Ask huff#i ran into this with beading too#i wanted to pick it up and i got into a conversation with someone and they gave me a weird look and told me to just look it up on youtube#and i immediately started vibrating internally cus thAts Not The Rules Though#at least not the ones that were stressed to me#so ive been working on soothing that hurdle. ah the joys of neurodivergence and black and white thinking haha#im shit at learning from youtube tutorials anyways >< its even more frustrating than learning from a book#like why couldnt you just be. in front of me. so i can see from all angles wtf youre doing. PLEASE.
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I want a werewolf to pop my cherry...i want his knot and the promise of being passed around his pack...yes, im a thirsty bitch that wants to be bred over and over again
Darling, you are preaching. To. The. CHOIR!!!
Imagine a Werewolf who corners you in a bar over near the pool tables, challenging you to a game. Plays a round or two with you, clearly letting you win but you lean into the bit anyway. The two of you getting closer and closer with each turn.
Your ass leaning back into his crotch. Pretending to gasp as you hit the balls while at the same time you pop your hips. So obviously coming onto him. He chuckles lowly and molds his chest to your back.
Growling out a deep, “You’re pretty confident for a virgin.”
It has the hair on the back of your neck rising and pussy tingling with awareness. Fluttering around nothing as if already imagining him taking your virginity for himself.
“H-how did you know?” You stutter out as his claws dig into your wide hips, dragging you further back into his growing erection.
You stay deathly still as he nuzzles into your neck, taking a long and very loud whiff of your neck. A deep rumble rolling through his chest, very pleased with what he smells. You can feel him growing harder against you and you gush with arousal, quickly soaking your panties through.
“Can smell it,” he rasps and you shiver at that.
He offers to take you back to his place where he can make your first time good and fuck you as hard as possible. Promising you’ll get so much dick you don’t know what to do with it. So of course you agree and it’s better than you can even imagine.
The Werewolf can’t stop lapping up your sweet slick, his wide tongue hitting everywhere you need. When you’re ready for him he takes it nice and slow, a rough snarl leaving him as he feels your hymen give away to his force. He works you down on his massive cock in small strokes, sinking another inch with each rock of his hips.
He waits with the strength of a hundred men for you to adjust to size. But once you do he is absolutely slamming his cock deep inside your depths, making sure your cunt will be molded to the shape of him by the end of the night.
As you get closer to the edge you start to feel a heavy weight slap against you as your hips meet his. It pushes insistently at your entrance, just begging to be let inside.
“What—ah fuck!— what is that?” You ask, mind lost in endless pleasure.
The Werewolf looks borderline feral above you, his jaw snapping wildly at the air as drool dribbles from his maw. He uses his hold on your hips to slam you down even hard on his length and that’s when you start to feel it sinking inside you, making his tip smash against your cervix during each thrust.
“What do you think it is, pretty? It’s my knot. And you’re gonna take it like a good breeding bitch, yeah?”
You can only mewl in response, pleasure bursting from his words, and making your head spin. Your body begins to shake beneath him and with only a couple more thrusts he has you coming hard all over his cock. He lets out a long howl, his knot swelling up inside of you before he’s releasing spurt after spurt of cum. Grinding his cock as far in as it can go so that his hot semen splashes against your womb.
The two of you wait in a mess of limbs, his knot plugging you up so perfectly. Making sure his cum takes. When it finally goes back down he slips out of you, watching with a deep satisfaction as his cum drips from your entrance. He chuckles at the sight and gives your thick thigh an affectionate pat.
“Ready to go again?”
Your eyes widen, sweating you must’ve heard him wrong. You could barely feel your legs. They were shaking so badly. There’s no way you could go again so soon. You were already gonna be so insanely sore.
“You want to go again?”
Luckily the Werewolf chuckles and shakes his head. You start to sigh in relief but something in his eyes has it trailing off into a slight gasp. He rolls his tongue over his teeth, his expression curling into a smirk. With a jut of his chin he signals toward the door.
“Not me. My pack is just outside, each of them waiting impatiently for their turn… so get ready for a long night, Sweetheart.”
#dragonsasks#monster fucker#monster smut#monster lover#monster lust#monster fic#monster imagine#monster concept#monster idea#werewolf fucker#werewolf smut#werewolf lover#werewolf fic#werewolf fanfiction#werewolf knot#werewolf#x reader#x chubby reader#werewolf x reader#werewolf x human#werewolf x you#werewolf x female#monster x reader#monster x human#monster x y/n
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truth or dare | s.j

in which your best friend, jake, finds out you want him and makes your fantasy come true.
pairing: jake x fem!reader
includes: f receiving oral sex, munch jake obviously, you touch his dick over the pants lol, stripping (lmk if i missed anything).
it was an accident, jake swore. not only was it an accident but it was partly your fault for leaving your laptop wide open for anyone to see.
you were in the bathroom and your laptop was pinging and pinging and pinging nonstop with text messages. jake was laying on your bed, his eyes glued to the tv, but he was beginning to lose focus from how often your computer was pinging.
finally, he couldn’t stand the sound anymore and grabbed your laptop from the edge of your bed. all he was going to do was turn it off and be done with it, but on the screen, he something that caught his eye.
your text messages were open and he saw his name so he just had to look, to know why you were talking about him with your friend.
his eyes widened when he saw why he was mentioned in your texts.
messages coming from you that started with fairly tame things like: “jake looks so good today,” “jake’s cologne is making me go crazy.”
but the more he scrolled, the more texts he found that were just purely vulgar, absolute filth like: “NEED him to eat me out till im crying,” and “bet he moans so pretty,” and even, “need his dick all the way down my throat asap.”
jake almost thought he was being pranked. he simply could not wrap his around the fact that you—his best friend of nearly five years—wanted him.
quite honestly, jake kind of thought that the two of you strictly had a sibling-like-friendship. you always teased him and fought with him like he was an older brother, and he always protected you and teased you back like you were his little sister.
but you wanted him. if those texts were anything to go off of, then you certainly did not see him as a brother.
suddenly, the bathroom door opened. jake practically threw your laptop back to the end of the bed and laid back against your pillows like he wasn’t doing anything.
you walked into the room and sat down next to him with a sigh.
“alright, did you pick a movie?” you asked.
jake wasn’t paying attention to a word you said. all he could focus on was how far you were sitting from him on your bed. how was he ever supposed to find out you liked him if you wouldn’t even go near him?
“jake,” you said, pushing his arm to get his attention.
“huh?” he said. “no, i haven’t picked yet.”
“jeez, what have you even been doing in here the whole time?” you wondered, taking the remote from him to choose a movie yourself.
you would definitely not want to know what he was doing just minutes before you came in the room.
-
jake didn’t focus during the movie. he couldn’t no matter how hard he tried.
how could he watch a movie when you were right there next to him, probably thinking about him and all the dirty things you wanted to do with him.
it was driving jake crazy. this new piece of information, this secret you’ve been carrying for god knows how long, jake had it now and did not know what to do with it.
“this movie is kinda boring,” he finally spoke.
“seriously? it’s nominated for like four oscar’s,” you responded.
“let’s do something else,” jake suggested.
huffing, you sat up slightly and turned off the movie. you then looked over at jake.
“what do you wanna do?” you asked.
jake shifted his body to face you instead of the tv. you tried to calm your thoughts, your thoughts that were far from pg, but he looked amazing. his black hair was slightly more grown out that normal and messy against your pillow. he was in a sweatshirt and sweatpants which is how you liked him best, in comfy clothes.
“we could play a game or something,” he suggested.
“what game?” you wondered.
“i don’t know,” he shrugged. “like, truth or dare or something.”
you snorted. “really?”
“c’mon,” he pouted.
by just looking at his face and that sweet little pout he gave, a flip practically switched in you and suddenly you would do just about anything he asked.
“okay,” you gave in. “truth or dare?”
jake pondered for a moment. he wanted to steer the game in a direction that would get you to admit your feelings for him. he needed to hear it from your mouth because he was still having a hard time believing those text messages.
“truth,” jake replied.
“okay,” you thought for a second. “if you had to hook up with one of your guy friends, who would you pick?”
“god, you’re the worst at asking questions,” jake groaned. “but sunghoon, obviously.”
“figured,” you replied. “your turn.”
“truth or dare?” he asked you.
considering you were comfy where you were laying in your bed, you didn’t want to pick dare in case he dared you to do something that required getting up.
“truth,” you said.
“if you had to hook up with one of the guys, who would you pick?” he asked.
you pondered. obviously you knew who you would choose but you couldn’t tell him that.
“i don’t know,” you lied. “probably heeseung.”
“yeah right,” jake scoffed.
“what?” you frowned. “he’s hot.”
jake could feel himself getting frustrated.
“your turn,” he said.
“truth or dare?”
“dare,” he answered.
“i dare you to show me the last picture in your camera roll,” you said.
you didn’t think much of it, but out of all the dares you could’ve given him, jake would’ve chosen anything else. he knew what the last picture in his camera roll was.
“actually, i pick truth,” he said.
“you can’t do that!” you exclaimed. “now you really have to show me.”
“i don’t think you wanna see it,” he tried to warn.
“what, is it a dick pic or something?” you joked. you joked. but then you saw jake’s face and his lack of words and knew that it really was a picture of his dick. “what the fuck, jake?”
“it’s not a full one,” he reasoned. “it’s just like…my bulge in a pair of sweatpants.”
yeah, you wanted to see it really bad. but you didn’t want him to know that. you didn’t need him to know that you were already getting wet at the mere thought of seeing that kind of picture of your best friend.
“well…” you trailed off, not knowing what to say. “a dare is a dare.”
jake tried not to smirk. he knew it, knew you wanted to see it.
he pulled out his phone and opened the picture. it was a mirror picture. he was shirtless in nothing but a pair of gray sweatpants that hung low on his hips, not even wearing underwear underneath. his outline was very clear since he was hard when he took the picture.
slightly nervous, jake handed you his phone. you took it, looking at the picture. it was even better than you imagined.
he didn’t miss the way you gulped and the way you instinctively zoomed in on the picture to get an even better look.
but you didn’t say anything. you didn’t tell him he looked good or anything. you just nodded and handed him his phone back.
“ok, your turn,” you said.
“what?” jake frowned. “you don’t have anything to say?”
“why would i have anything to say?” you wondered.
“because i just showed you a picture of…well, that,” he said. “you have nothing to say about it?”
“no,” you laughed. “gross.”
you were being so hard to get, it was actually driving him crazy. he knew you wanted him so why were you being so difficult about it?
“fine,” he scoffed. “truth or dare?”
“dare,” you said, hoping he’ll take it easy on you and not make you get up.
“take off your shirt.”
you immediately gave him a glare.
“dude, what?” you said.
“a dare is a dare,” he replied, repeating your words from a few minutes ago.
“why would i take off my shirt?” you asked.
“because i’m telling you to,” he responded, his eyes darkening.
the way he said it suddenly made you really want to take it off, wanting to obey any command he gave you.
you sat up a bit and started pulling your sweater over your head. all you had on underneath was a thin, light pink bra. your nipples were visibly hard beneath it and jake was already twitching in his pants at the sight.
once your shirt was off, you looked at him expectantly. his eyes flickered down to your chest and back up to your face.
he hummed in satisfaction.
“cute,” he said quietly.
it wasn’t much but the word went straight to your face, turning your cheeks red. oddly, you didn’t feel like covering yourself up. in fact, you would show more of yourself if you knew jake was going to compliment you.
“okay,” you whispered. “truth or dare.”
“dare,” he picked again.
“i dare you the same thing,” you said.
he was hoping you would.
smirking, he pulled his own shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor.
now, you were really starting to get nervous. you had no idea what was going on but you and jake were shirtless in your bed. you liked the feeling though, and you wanted more.
you stared at his bare chest and abdomen, the slight trace of abs making you squeeze your thighs together.
“like what you see?” he chuckled at you checking him out shamelessly. “wanna feel?”
“shut up,” you muttered, turning your head that other way.
“no, really,” jake said. “feel it.”
he suddenly grabbed your hand and placed it against his warm naked abdomen. he guided your hand up and down his chest so you could feel every part, every indent of his body.
he could tell he was finally getting to you. you were submitting to him, losing your uninterested demeanor and he was damn glad about it. he needed to uncover the you that wanted him desperately.
“mmm,” he hummed, basically moaning just from your hand rubbing his body.
he was bold when he very gently and slowly dragged your hand down even further until it was brushing over his waistband and to the front of his sweatpants, right where his growing cock was.
you looked up at his face in shock, but his eyes were closed. he was biting his bottom lip, fully engrossed in this and the feeling of your hand pressed flat on his covered cock.
he kept your hand there, not even making you move it or grip his erection, but just having you feel it. it was entirely hard and just having your hand on it, you could feel it pulsate.
weakly, you began to wrap your fingers around the outline, but he squeezed your wrist and pulled your hand off of him before you could.
his eyes opened and when you looked at each other, he just smirked.
“truth or dare?”
he asked it so calm and casually like your hand wasn’t just on his dick. you didn’t even quite know what to say, unsure how you were supposed to go about playing the game after that.
“uh, t-truth?” you sputtered out, purely confused about what was going on.
“how long have you wanted to do that?” he asked.
your heart seemed to stop beating for a moment.
“what?” you asked.
“how long have you wanted to touch my cock?” he wondered. “how long have you wanted me?”
“who said i want you?” you ask, eyebrows furrowing.
obviously you did want him, but you didn’t know how he knew that.
“i saw the texts,” he told you. he could still tell you were confused so he added, “the texts with you and your friend, talking about how badly you wanted me. god, the things you were saying were just filthy, y/n. i had no idea you felt that way.”
your heart sunk. suddenly, you didn’t want to do any of this anymore. you were utterly humiliated that jake found out you liked him and even more so by how he found out.
“jake, i-i—” you sputtered. “please. i don’t—”
you couldn’t figure out what to say.
“so?” he said. “how long?”
you bowed your head in shame.
“a long time,” you mumbled. “‘m sorry.”
jake tilted your head back up by your chin, smiling softly at your blushing face. you were so cute when you were embarrassed, he was almost doing all this on purpose.
“why are you sorry?” he asked. “i never said i didn’t feel the same, did i?”
this could not be good for your heart. all this slowing of your heart race only for it to pick back up again so quickly. but now you were filled with hope and excitement.
“really?” you asked eagerly, pathetically almost.
“c’mon, let’s keep playing,” he said.
“truth or dare,” you said.
“truth,” he replied.
“what did you think when you saw those texts?” you wondered sheepishly.
he chuckled a bit.
“i guess i was thinking about how i didn’t realize my best friend was so horny for me,” he said, his voice deep and sexy. you squirmed, your body unbearably hot. “now, truth or dare?”
you were nervous to pick dare to see what he would make you do next, but more than nervous, you were excited. so, you did it.
“dare.”
jake knew what he was going to dare you was bold, but he was hard as a rock in his pants and needed you now.
“i dare you to let me eat you out.”
he expected some kind of shock and disgust from you, but that was not the response you gave him.
ever since you’ve known him, you’ve wanted him between your thighs. so now that he was actually offering, why would you reject that?
“okay,” you whispered, still nervous despite wanting it.
he watched in surprise as you lifted your hips up and pulled both your pants and underwear down at once. you looked over at him, waiting for him to follow through with your dare.
“fuck,” he muttered, still in shock that you were suddenly naked right next to him. “didn’t know you wanted me that bad.”
you couldn’t argue. you did want him that bad.
he got up and positioned himself between your legs, face to face with your pussy. he held your thighs while he stared at it, in awe that it was really right there in front of him, his to devour.
“it’s so pretty,” he said, leaning in to place a kiss on your clit. “never knew my best friend had such a pretty little pussy.”
his words sent heat all over your body. you were embarrassed but more than that, you were just so unbelievably turned on. jake looked so good between your legs and you knew he’d look even better once he was actually eating you out.
“please,” you urged, jutting your hips up impatiently.
jake finally licked a stripe up your slit, starting from the bottom all the way up to the top. he wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked on the sensitive bundle of nerves, moaning at the taste in his mouth.
“fuckkk,” you moaned out, head falling back against your pillows.
he alternated between sucking and licking your clit, using the tip of his tongue to rub it in little circles and watching the way it moved up and down and to the side. he was eventually just making out with it, eyes closed in concentration and pleasure.
after a moment, he pulled back, a string of saliva keeping his lips attached to your glistening pearl. he then leaned back in and starting licking up and down your pussy in firm, fluid strokes, gathering all of your arousal on his tongue and swallowing it.
you dug your fingers into his hair, tugging on the thick strands which only fueled jake even more. he moaned against your cunt, eyes rolling slightly from getting his hair played with and pulled.
“you’re so fucking hot,” he said, his breath warm on your pussy. “such a good pussy too. fuck, i want it all over my face.”
he dived back in, pushing his face into your pussy as much as he could. his nose rubbed against your puffy clit as his tongue delved inside your hole. he pushed it in as deep as it could possibly go, feeling your warm plushy walls around him.
“fuck, jake!” you yelled.
he sucked on your folds and back on your clit, suddenly intoxicated by the delicious taste of your pussy. it was just so hot, so sweet and tight and perfect. he truly could not get enough and genuinely wanted to drink your arousal.
“oh my god,” he moaned. “you have the sweetest pussy i’ve ever tasted, baby. fuck, it’s so good.”
your legs shook on either side of his head. you were feeling weaker and weaker by the second, his tongue moving like lightning and filling you with sparks.
he flicked the tip of his tongue up and down your slit, tilting his head to the side and resting it on your quivering thigh. the wet sound of his tongue flicking up and down your folds was driving you to the edge.
you couldn’t even warm him that it was about to happen. it just happened.
“mmm, i’m cumming,” you slurred, so drunk on the feeling that you could hardly speak.
you gripped his hair extra tight, pushing your hips up into his face. he ate your perfect cunt and drank every last droplet of your arousal that dripped out of you.
you were dizzy and moaning loudly and carelessly as you grinded your cunt against his face, riding out your high. your pussy was so wet, drenched in your own cum and jake’s saliva.
when you were finally finished, jake sat up and collapsed next to you, his lips, nose, and chin all glistening in your arousal.
you turned your head to face him, your cheeks red. the shock of what you two had just done was kicking in.
you weren’t sure what you two were supposed to do now and where to go from there. you were best friends and best friends weren’t supposed to do what you’d just done.
“wanna finish that movie?” jake asked casually, as though he wasn’t just tongue deep in your cunt.
“sure,” you agreed, as though you weren’t just cumming all over his face.
he wrapped his arm around you and played the movie again, the two of you laying there without acknowledging what happened.
-
:3 teehee munch jake :3 teehee best friend jake
thanks for reading!
#enhypen#enhypen smut#enha smut#enha x reader#enhypen x reader#kpop smut#enha jake#jake enhypen smut#sim jake x reader#enhypen jake smut#jake enhypen#jake sim smut#jake x reader#jake smut#enhypen jake#jake sim#sim jake smut#sim jake#jake enha#enha jake smut
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