#and now we go to bed lol
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Radio 1k Coining Event
[PT: Radio 1k Coining Event. end PT]
hi!! we're radiomogai!! we've reached 1000 followers and we want to celebrate, so we'll be holding a coining event!!!
this event will last for 15 days, beginning on March 30, 2024, and ending on April 14, 2024
the prompts are based on the fear entities from The Magnus Archives, with alternate prompts for each day for those who don't want to do anything related to TMA. prompts can be interpreted however you would like, can be done late, combined, done on different days, or skipped altogether!! you also don't have to only do one per day, and may coin several times for each prompt
the prompts:
The Buried / Chokrypt
The Corruption / Decay
The Dark / LIOMOGAI itself
The Desolation / AAC
The End / Persodivergent archetype / Gender modifier
The Eye / Occunous
The Flesh / Cannibalism
The Hunt / Type of attraction
The Lonely / Lectence
The Slaughter / Alignment
The Spiral / Imosril
The Stranger / Referential language
The Vast / Archives
The Web / Gizmorial
The Extinction / Neogender umbrella
day 5 has an extra prompt, just to make sure there's something available for everyone
you can coin more than just genders for the prompts, and in fact, we encourage it! all we ask is that you don't coin transID terms for this event. thank you!
please use the tag #radiocoining on your terms for the event, and tag us here at radiomogai!! go ahead and tag us for non-event coinings too; we try and archive as much as possible
tagging those who expressed interest: @acronym-chaos @revenant-coining @neopronouns @sunshinesolaic @enderluna @hoardeofcrows @obscurian
#radiocoining#coining event#liom community#liomogai#liom#events#blogtalking#and now we go to bed lol
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we let the ocean drown out our voices/enjoying the bitterness/in the chaotic light, I close my eyes and see
#dredge game#spoilers. technically lol#my friend mim (at mimzalot on twitch etc) streamed dredge at it went the FUnniest way it couldve#two streams in we made a joke abt the collector and the fisherman being in toxic old man yaoi#divorcee-on-widower situationship together. and the joke kept up Literally Until The Very End#iykyk#could not have stumbled into a better way to keep the surprise#and The Best Thing Is. I do still think the yaoi is meaningful to the text#like mim brought up how resurrection is inherently a selfish act. I sat on that for a While#but also I do just enjoy body double. abdication of responsibility through othering a specific part of yourself#pairing that with specifically Being A Villain as like. a deliberate act#u see my vision. u ever played dredge#anyways uhhh caption is from no party for cao dong's devotion#yes its bc red candle game's devotion is like a quarter of my personality but also I do listen to no party for cao dong recreationally#also been really feelin this kind of ink recently. U Will See. Soon Ish#seems I have like... phases of trying to figure out specific textures in ink#a long time ago I was Really into drawing metal with just ink. and a few years ago it was fire. and now: water#one day I'll get all five. and then I will be able to see the future#okay I either finish up a thing or go to bed now... depends. we shall see. take care and be kind to urself yeah? lets draw smthing tmr
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(OC Lore and design time!)
(it got longer again ... sorry ... idk how to make things short, i just need to talk, but i guess if you can read the written stuff in the pic thats the barest bare bones of what i wrote here)
i was asked what new lore story stuff i had thought about that made me sad which i mentioned a bit ago, and while that is too hard to explain given all the missing context i thought i could at least talk about lore having to do with it :D
so, (Lord) Eadrya is one of my fav OCs (big blue lad, here a rough sketch in humanoid form) they are both one of if not THE most powerful demon alive and the most battle trained;
at the mid point of the story the demon world gets invaded by the celestials (the angel inspired things i talked about in the previous lore post with Xaror) and Shargon, as the king, should be their first and only frontline, but at this point his life is only being sustained by maschinery after being mortally wounded, he cannot fight (he realizes what is going on, rips himself off the maschinery to get at least his youngest child to safety, barely managing it before dying- the guardian, the demons god, takes over his body to attempt to fight against the celestials but cant keep itself alive long enough since its host is already dead) Eadrya takes the role of the frontline fighter (despite being very full of themselves and aggressive they care about their 'job' of protecting their own, also giving them the chance to show off just how strong they are); the fight was going well for them all things considered, but when the guardian activates it drains the power of all elemental lords (which Eadrya is one of, and since they have the most strength it also takes the most from them), so much so that they lose the fight and suffer deadly wounds (the worst being a spear through the chest made of a material that grows hard, root-like formations when in contact with demonic blood like a fungus but worse, also stopping any self healing processes) after the guardian falls apart it creates a huge shockwave of energy that stuns every living thing within a certain distance and possibly more-
Eadrya (in true demon form, so like a blue whale in size at least) was likely taken through an active gateway to the human world in a large tidal wave also created by the guardians fall; they wash up in the harbor of a small secluded village, the head of which is 'lady 13'; although never having seen a demon before and everyone being afraid (largely thinking its a strange hurt animal, only she suspected otherwise), they still gather all villagers to pull out the celestial spear, which is diffcult and brutal given that its already taken root, but the village lacked both knowledge and means to help any other way- doing so damaged their heart which is how they were able to collect samples of all three demonic blood types ('normal' -red like humans-, energy -essentially purely magic- and heartblood -highly concentrated energy only found within the heart of a demon and the only one to contain genetic material) (this is the start of Eadryas character arc, having to deal with the fact that their world is likely destroyed, them failing what they didnt think they could fail, having lost a battle so badly (even if not really their fault) for the first time and not knowing if literally anyone else has survived .. also being now stuck in the human world, which they dont like)
Lady 13 (placeholder name? stands for experiment 13) is a human that was tricked by demon hunters to enroll into a series of experiments trying to create hybrids of demons and humans, which they hoped would be powerful and easily controllable tools for their endeavours, though the two are inherently not compatible, they tried grafting body parts of demons on humans to make them compatible- all experiments failed except for her, more or less, though she never got to see the hybrid she carried and was then told it had died too, they threw her out believing she wouldnt survive much longer either and all such experiments were cancelled due to the high cost of human life, research material (demons are still rare) and upkeep with no successful results Lady 13 survived though (perhaps even via the pirates picking her up?) and she ended up living in said small village far away, hiding her half demonic body, though most know there soemthing 'wrong' with her (her being this tall when it doesnt fit the rest for one), only few know the full extent; she enjoys the life she has now, perhaps on the more poor side but safer and more loved than ever before; she largely lead the efforts to try and help Eadrya when they ended up in the harbor, though there wasnt that much anyone could do it was still enough- they leave immediately after waking up, but return after really having nowhere to go and struggling to deal with everything that has happened; over time (probably years) they start to open up towards the people there (though not .. very much) enough to get rather close with Lady 13 too- she actually falls madly in love but after Eadrya (extremely aro/ace) rejects all her attempts quite clearly she respects their boundaries
However, after hearing news of potential demon sightings Eadrya decides to leave in hopes of not being the last demon left after all; Lady 13 then decides to reveal her secret to them (though hearing and seeing what lengths hunters would go to for their experiments makes them absolutely seething with rage- she insists on not being out for revenge) and asks if they would be willing to donate a small amount of heartblood; shes always wanted to be a mother but is now incompatible with humans too- through things she picked up back at the experiments facillity, hers and her doctors research she is sure that is all that is needed, she dares to ask since she does not know when, if ever, she will meet another demon, much less one she could actually trust enough for this though Eadrya hesitates (why would she want to go through the same thing again that didnt work and threatened her life, if it does work, do they want to be involved with any of this? what if hunters find out it worked after all?) but after her ensuring that they would have no part in it other than giving up a little blood and would not be considered a parent in any way, nor made responsible for anything that might happen to her, but considering it all in the end they agree to it
only for her to reveal shes had a small bottle of it already, along with multiple samples of the other types, which she collected when Eadrya was bleeding out into the harbor not knowing if they will survive, though not wanting to make use of it without their consent either way (they are actuallly rather touched by this)
alot later the main group returns here and it turns out to have worked (though she is unable to walk/bedridden for a long while bc it did alot of damage to her body, which can heal since its demons parts, but only really slowly bc she does not have a full functioning system and no demonic blood of her own -she uses the other samples for the healing process-) though its a little awkward to explain, especially considering that 13.1 took alot after Eadrya xD (their theory as to why it worked so "well" that time is that even though the sample was already taken, them giving their consent for it still made it less likely to be rejected; demons dont need partners to have offspring, and all can do it, they just have to decide to- so them agreeing to it, even though its long been outside their body, still had an effect on the blood sample)
#ganondoodles#art#ocs#original art#oc lore#demons#monsters#WHY does writing things liek this take me so long#i spent two hours again on this and im falling asleep as we speak bc its almost 2 am#ANYWAY this was alot again ... sorry#but its a relatively new storyline that i have been afraid of telling#since it touches on things im afraid might come across wrong and uses themes im a lil uncomfy with#but i found it interesting ... and works well with eadrya as a character bc it challenges alot about them#yes im wrote and mean this genuinely#i would have made the cut from her human body to the demon parts more smooth ... but this hard cut is the point#so that she looks rather normal on the upper part and can hide the rest#thoguh im unsure about the color scheme and if maybe i should be more creative with the demons parts#then again its largely just legs lol#if anyone actually reads this ........ i hope it comes across correctly#i like to use darker and more mature themes but am riddled with anxiety over how it will be understood#im gonna work on zelda comic stuff again now .. sorry for all the oc spam#but if there are questions PLEASE feel free to ask im pretty sure i have answers to almosst anything?#also i havent thought of a name for her or the kid .. though im starting to like lady 13#13.1 wont do as a name though poor kid deserves a proper name after already being a weird hybrid that shouldnt exist#either way ... going to bed now GOODNIGHT q-q#(any typos are excused by me being deadly tired ok)
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No, Okay, but do you like Asher cus you like silly golden retriever boys. Or do you like him because you believe you have no purpose in life other than to be the comedic relief for your friends? Is it because you feel like the side character in your own life? Or maybe it's because no matter what you do, you always feel like you'll mess it up? Or is it because you deflect your pain with jokes to prevent your suffering from being somebody's burden?
#WOO#Lil late but its okay we back with the calling out#going to bed now nighty night#redactedverse#redacted asher#silly goofy mood#lol#Potato Rambles
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i am so normal about him I Am So Normal About Him I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT HIM—!!!!!!;;;;;;;;;;;;;
#/////////////////////// i still can't even draw him a well as i want to but even *still*....... blushing like a schoolgirl at PIXELS dfgnvgf#this is a sketch for a separate dumb thing but. well. obviously things spiraled very quickly out of my control here T//u//T;;;#(meanwhile the Actual thing this sketch is for keeps making me legit laugh out loud so i'm excited for That stupidity eventually xD)#so have a Husk doodle tonight instead of an Angel i guess lmaooo#jesus i don't want this going into the tag x'D#no you know what eff it we ball i've had time to process now lol#hazbin hotel#husk#bites him bites him bites him (affectionate)#okay that's it i am going to BED goodnight x'3c#doodles
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Misc other stuff
#hatoful boyfriend#hiyoko tosaka#ryouta kawara#nageki fujishiro#anghel higure#hitori uzune#anghel 10pm bed time is so real to me because i have a 10pm bedtime#if i was in holidaystar i TOO would miss the plot because i would be sleeping. 10PM BED TIME SORRY GUYS I GOTTA GO ITS 10PM-#When we got to the 10pm bedtime part my friend was like. ‘thats u lol’#also i just think that even after being together for a while confirmation that they are girlfriends still has ryouta skipping and twirling-#because 5000000000000 years for yearning and pining does that to someone#the last one is just. i keep. living my life and having my brain go.. wow… just like hato bf..#and that happened with been so long so.#en fin… thats probably all. for now.. for real this time. unless i get hit with psychic pigeon waves
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This was technically inspired by a post made by Mirai, but it ended up pretty far from the prompt so I won't link it here. I'll follow through on the original prompt soon, I promise <3 But I had this thought and I liked it
#horrible exorcists#random info but natori's asking 'my girlfriend' not because he doesnt know who theyre talking about but because hes surprised#in this au where kuromisa is fake dating natori at this point they have an established relationship but matoba doesnt go out with him like#this except for planned events#because its unnecessary work to get dressed up like this when no ones watching lol#but i think this scene would be far enough into their little situation that matoba wants to tease natori a little#hahhhhhhhhhhhh sighhhhhhhhhhhhh#my hands are numb because we had a cold day here today even though ITS MAY. and it was warm all week#my room has no heating and is pretty exposed to the elements lol so when its cold its cold and when its hot its hot.#anyway gonna go to bed now byeeee
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dicktim - La Beau Au Bois Dormant
idea gripping my tired brain by the throat about Tim being struck by some kind of sleeping beauty poison or spell and falling comatose.
Except the solution is not True Love's Kiss but sending someone inside his soul to battle the dragon that will manifest from his inner demons to keep him imprisoned, forever.
The highest chance for success necessitates sending in the one person that the sleeper trusts most - often their love, hence the poison/spell's reputation, but not always.
And almost everyone immediately turns to Dick, like in you go, Nightwing, what are you waiting for.
Which Dick. Doesn't know how to react to, because. God he would give anything to be that person for Tim again. But he knows that he broke something between them when he stripped away Robin.
They've moved past it, they're...fine. But Dick knows. It's not the same. They aren't the same.
He can't help Tim with this. Tim probably wouldn't even want him to try. And that kills him, but he won't sabotage Tim's only shot to wake up because of his own desperate wish to still be the one Tim turns to first. His north star.
There's a ticking-clock time limit before Tim won't be able to wake up at all. They don't have any time to lose.
He looks away from everyone's expectant, demanding stares.
"Call Superboy," he says, voice scraped raw from his throat. "Or Kid Flash. They'll get here in time."
He can't stand the disappointment on Bruce's face. It makes helpless anger boil hot and toxic in his belly. Bruce wasn't here for everything that happened. He doesn't know.
(Dick's never told him. How badly he fucked up.)
"Wait, not his boyfriend?'" Steph says, raised eyebrows and gesticulating at nowhere in particular and Dick's churning thoughts sputter and die into frozen blankness. Boyfriend?
Babs shakes her head on the Batcomputer's view screen.
"They're not at that level of trust yet. They haven't even been dating that long, Tim definitely hasn't told him about - " she twirls a finger, indicating all of them. Red Robin on the medical bed, cowl pushed down and cape pooled around him. The Cave, vaulting overhead. " - all of this. And he won't thank us for doing it for him."
Tim...has a boyfriend?
Wow. His little brother used to always want his advice on love. Life. Everything. If he doesn't trust Dick enough anymore to tell him even that much... Well. It just proves definitively that Dick isn't the right person for this job.
(It hurts like Dick's vital organs are being crushed in a massive fist.)
"Time is ticking," Jason Blood says quietly, looking down at the open face of his pocket watch. At his feet, a circle of lit candles awaits someone to sit down inside and sink into an enchanted meditation.
"Father, clearly it should be you," Damian says, tapping his foot rapidly. His arms are crossed tightly under his cape in a way that he probably means to come across as scornful, rather than apprehensive. "Or Pennyworth, even."
Bruce shakes his head, troubled. "No. I don't think so. Cassie...?"
"No," Cass responds calmly. "Not me." She seems untroubled by her own denial, even though she and Tim have been thick as thieves ever since she returned to Gotham.
She's looking at Dick. She hasn't looked away from Dick this whole time, or let go of Tim's hand, folded in hers protectively, over his heart.
"It's still you, big brother," she says. Gentle and direct and devastating. "Go. Bring him back."
Not so long ago, Tim trusted Dick to catch him when he fell.
Or, he was depressed and passively suicidal and telling Dick what he wanted to hear. Maybe he even believed it, after the fact.
In the end, it doesn't matter. He's Dick's brother. Dick will always, always be there to catch him, whether Tim trusts him to or not.
Dick goes.
He faces Tim, sinks into lotus inside the ring of flickering little flames, and closes his eyes, heart in his throat.
He opens his eyes. A vast, jagged bramble forest looms dark above him. Far in the distance, he can just make out a spindly tower piercing the sky, a flickering little light shining at the top.
He hacks his way through the biting brambles of Tim's resentments, leaving blood and sorrows dripping from the thorns in his wake.
He fights the sly, sinuous dragon of Tim's despair, singing with every breath that he can spare, so that Tim might hear him and know he's not alone.
He wishes he could remember happy songs, bright and lively songs - wishes he could be the light in the darkness that Tim deserves, that he looked up to and chased after and for some reason tried to model himself upon, even when he was already so very bright himself.
But any song is better than none to pierce the lonely vault of silence, so he sings of pain, of loss, of faith and faithlessness. Of holding on past the point of breaking. He sings of two hands open and outstretched, waiting to be clasped and held.
When his voice falters, when adamant scales break his sword and claws shatter his shield, he throws himself at the winged serpent, letting it coil about him and grappling it in turn. Fangs strike at him again and again, piercing flesh and armor both, before he winds his arms around its jaws and holds them shut.
It hisses through clenched teeth about failures, his and Tim's both. He holds its jaws shut, and sings of two ships tossed in a maelstrom, anchored to each other, weathering the storm.
It hisses, venom dripping from its furious curled lips, about abandonment and betrayal. He holds its jaws shut, and sings about two robins, flying with an olive branch held aloft between them.
It hisses to him of ice unending, frozen hearts, shattered trust. He holds its jaws shut, and sings about the steady radiating warmth of a hearth, of a hug, of a new dawn. Of new beginnings.
He rests his forehead on the dragon's growling snout, and sings, "Come home with me. Come home to me. Tim, I love you. Tim, Tim, Tim."
The beast shudders and shivers. And starts to break apart.
The crumbling wings buffet and beat at Dick even as they begin to crack and collapse. Dick lowers his head and holds on tighter.
The massive coiled tail squeezes around Dick convulsively, thrashing and withering. Dick's ribs crack, but he holds on tighter.
Scales etched with Tim's regrets flake off and fall away, like a tree shedding razor edged leaves in autumn. Dick closes his eyes as they kiss and cut his already tattered skin, but just holds on tighter.
Eventually, the violent disintegration comes to an end, and all goes still and quiet.
Save for a familiar shape shaking and weeping in Dick's arms.
Dick opens his eyes, blinking away sweat and blood just to be sure. But yes. It's him. Blue eyes reddened with tears, staring in horror at the ragged torn-up mess of his older brother, come to rescue him.
"Tim," Dick sighs, bones papier-mâché from relief. And exhaustion. "Timmy. Thank god."
"Dick," Tim cries out, gripping him tightly in distress. He lets go immediately at Dick's wince, and tries to pull away. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry, I'm - your wounds, we have to - "
Dick doesn't let him move an inch. "Shhhhhh," he breathes. "It's a dream, don't worry about it." Tim wriggles in protest at first, determinedly attempting to staunch some of the heavier bleeding, but Dick just holds him tighter. "Please, Timmy," he begs. "Please. Just let me."
Tim's breath hitches, then he wraps his arms around Dick just as hard as Dick is squeezing him, strong and anchoring. Dick's own breath shudders on the edge of a whine, and he buries his nose in Tim's hair.
-----
"Missed you," he whispers hoarsely, several minutes later.
Tim lifts his face from where he's been leaking a silent wet spot into Dick's collarbone.
"Missed you, too," he whispers back, as if they're sharing secrets and might be overheard.
Then Tim hesitates, before setting his mouth firmly. He meets Dick's gaze, and there's a fierce light in his still reddened eyes that transfixes Dick. He almost lost this. He almost lost Tim - so many times, more than he probably even knows about. He never wants to look away.
"And I love you, too, you know. That's never changed. It never will change." His brow is furrowed intently, gaze searching Dick's, like he can find and burn away any hint of doubt or disbelief.
"I know," Dick murmurs, warm down to his battered toes. Tim's alive. Tim's going to wake up, and keep living. Tim loves him, and forgives him, and still trusts him more than anyone else. "I do know. I - "
He releases one arm from its death grip, because he can no longer resist the urge to cup Tim's face, stroke a thumb across his cheek. Tim closes his eyes briefly as he covers Dick's hand with his, leaning into it, brows still drawn together. Like he's in pain, even though all the dings and scratches are on Dick, not him.
Dick's heart seizes.
He dips down, to the impossibly inviting bow of Tim's mouth, and kisses him. At Tim's small, quiet gasp, he gentles further, catching Tim's lips, pulling the full lower curve between his own in a soft tug. To his delight, Tim follows him, chasing his mouth, and they share the sweet cling and press, back and forth.
-----
Dick's wounds are somehow all still present upon waking. Magic, ugh, such a pain. The resulting frenzy of medical attention and getting bundled into another bed - too far away from Tim - like he's one foot through death's door isn't exactly fun, either.
(But still. Well worth it, for that first moment Tim's eyes flutter open and hazily lock on his. The world can keep spinning, now that Dick knows Tim is safe.)
As it turns out, Tim's recollection of what happened inside his own soul is equally hazy.
He remembers enough to melt bonelessly into Dick's chest when Dick sneaks over to share his bed, which dissolves the hard knot of worried tension in Dick's chest that he wouldn't remember anything, that he'd be back to subtle distance and awkward texts and not even feeling comfortable enough to share that he likes men, and Dick. Isn't sure he could have handled that.
So he ignores his aching ribs and multiple lacerations and puncture wounds and curls around Tim with his whole body, warmth and gratitude suffusing every aching muscle.
Tim...doesn't seem to remember the kiss. Which. Is a shame.
But Dick remembers it. Every moment is burned into him like the most intimate pyrography. That will have to be enough, until he can make it happen again.
(Tim's boyfriend doesn't stand a chance.)
#dicktim#gerryrigged#gerry words#the spindly tower was a lie#this poison/spell is SUPER mean#anyway I started jotting this at like 11 pm#thinking lol I will scribble three sketchy paragraphs max and then I MUST to bed#it is now#almost morning hghkldjkfls#gripped by the NO MUST GET A WHOLE DRAFT DOWN demon whole-ass#why do I do this to myself gdit I was ALREADY tired#ohhhh this is going to need serious editing if I ever turn back to it hghkljdkf#anyway if you noticed that technically Tim waking up DID happen after TLK#then hee hee :3 we are clink-clinking our wine glasses in commiseration
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You know I think one of my favorite things about Cinder is simply the fact that he's an elemental master with an element that we really didn't get to see a lot of before. And I mean, a lot of the elements from before are ones we haven't seen much from simply because there wasn't a lot of screentime they could feasibly give to the other elemental masters, but I just find it cool that now we have a much more important character with a previously underutilized element that we're able to see in action more.
#random ramblings#ninjago#lego ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#ninjago cinder#i had this opinion before season 2 even came out#and we really only had cinder's design to go off of#but i still stand by it#honestly if they introduced other new characters with preexisting elements#i would be all for it#i also feel like with cinder existing#it also opens the floodgates for people to make em ocs#with preexisting elements#maybe I'll do that someday if i feel like it#i mean i have alumi but they're not related to dragons rising so they don't count#ok im gonna stop rambling in the taga now and go to bed lol
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Chapter 20 of Sweet & Sour Dipplins is here!
Idk why but Tumblr is being super glitchy about the link, so just click here for the update.
And so the countdown begins...tick tock tick tock tick tock... :)
#okay but#this chapter lowkey popped off ngl#oddly proud of the setup that I initially thought wasn't gonna be as enticing LOL#but yep#lore breadcrumbs?#here's the last of them#there's a LOT of them that genuinely just strung together#so have fun with that#before we rip the curtains down and have#the big reveal#dun dun dunnnnnnnn#(I think there's enough to figure it out#lemme know what you think :D)#I wanna pretend I delayed this chapter for suspense but nah#I was just quite literally loafing off and about because I only respond to deadlines apparently#so if you'll excuse me I'll go off and write Chapter 21 now#but first BED whOO#my fics#dipplinshipping#kieran pokemon#kieran x juliana pokemon#juliana x kieran pokemon#kieran x juliana#juliana pokemon#juliana x kieran
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they mean everything to me
#never thought i’d see the day that i have comfort men#but here we are lol#btw i’m joey here#the basement yard#joe santagato#frankie alvarez#i was influenced and officially became a patron to the boys lmao#i wanna buy the best friends pillow so badly now too😭#santagato studios#priscilla go to bed
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brought to you by me hosting a friend for two days who grew up in the same cultural region, and tbh will not be invited again.
#night two of spontaneously showering for over an hour with no notice just as i indicated i wanted to go to bed...#pls consider. i have to shit lol#i also have meds#i'd honestly make fuckin due if i'd had the indicators to like. idk say oh i need to grab my meds first#but also idk how to put it other than this is one of. so many behaviors that are making me just about reconsider the friendship as a whole#within 2 days#i lowkey wanna cry because this has gone so badly overall#and i feel like i'm in a position where it's both unfair for me to not communicate this distress (because maybe we could work it out)#but also if i do communicate. this individual was having and is now coming out of a hypomanic episode where they kept talking about#self harm related habits and displaying self hatred for the mildest of critiques#and they've never communicated what to do in these situations previously so idk their boundaries and honestly don't trust them to establish#boundaries that they would benefit from because they have a large history of that#so uh. yeah in conclusion i am counting the hours til they leave and i can more easily try to figure out how the fuck to handle this
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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so
#last night was really so so so fun and it was super hard to get myself to go out? like#in the sense of I really wanted to because I knew it would be fun but I also knew my anxiety was eating me alive#and it would be an obstacle getting through that without alcohol and I need to be … careful#but I got fun drunk and didn’t have too bad of a hangover and didn’t feel super anxious once we got out :#and a different friend wants to make plans for tonight but I am really bad at making plans in advance because sometimes I physically can’t#do things after work bc tired bc neuro disorder and it’s frustrating to my friend with severe control issues#bc she needs to make specific plans like a week out and I’m like erm babe I can’t like#do that? and then if I don’t feel well day of and need to be home she gets (rightfully) frustrated because I’m bailing but it’s#challenging. and you don’t understand unless you live with it.#and it’s frustrating for us both. I don’t want her to think I don’t value her because I do and I force myself out often enough bc I#genuinely feel bad. but it’s so fucking hard sometimes . she also lives sort of far so going from work and having#to drive an hour to her place to then go somewhere and be out like#I’m spent before I even get there#friend I saw last night and I don’t talk consistently but when we do it’s always the same vibe and so fun and we just catch up about life#I feel like when I see my other friends they have things to always talk about because they’re in a discord call almost every night#I don’t have the energy!!!!!!!!!! like I’m so sorry that’s so much for me#idk she isn’t answering me now but if she wants to do something I need to know in the next hr bc if not I’m literally going to bed#I love her but there’s a disconnect between us rn and I don’t know how to mend that gap#but I do love her friendship so I’m just like. sigh#idk it would be different if she was closer and I know that#I hope getting back on medication helps get me being more social again. I’m just so tired this week that speaking is hard lol
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I will say that if I'm still around tomorrow we're going to have to figure out some quick adjustments to our Halloween costume. I'm willing to do a lot of things for Allora and the kids, but wearing a flower crown and fairy wings is not one of them.
#text post#my post#i might be willing to go as a creepy doll even though it's a bit too feminine for me#but a fairy princess? fuck no#it's so interesting to be here after allora came out of dormancy#bc a lot of aspects of our life are so soft these days and designed to make her happy#which is wonderful! making allora safe and happy in the internal world is literally my job#but internally i get to do that by patrolling with a big sword#externally it apparently means fairy princess costumes which. not for me lol#it is interesting to observe how much lior has changed though#i know they wanted to be more like allora and to fuse with her and i am here to report that they've been more successful than they think#bc we haven't felt this cold and angry and powerful and sadistic and well cypher-like in a very very long time#instead lior/everyone has really embraced allora's whole. thing. which is what they want so it's good#even if it temporarily feels strange to me bc i have temporarily unfused#and can't help but think about how stupidly vulnerable it makes us#this started as a joke post about halloween costumes but has turned into self analysis. whatever#going to bed now i guess#cypher speaks#did stuff
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Please forgive me if this is a question you're tired of hearing 😅 I am not much in the cat community so I don't know if this is an exhausted point. I was just wondering if the stereotype of Siamese cats being super vocal is true?
Yes. Live in fear. The first 18 months of Zuko's time with us was full of yells and suffering. You can hear it outside your house, they will outlast you, the only answer is to reach a compromise with a cat. If you are not prepared to be held hostage by a cat, DNI
#in all seriousness#it was hell#the asshole was cold and too enotional about being cold to go into the heated bed#that was it#and also learning meal times#asshole demands constant food access#its soooo funny though#to have a conversation with him now that we can communicate#it is also absolutely not exhausted because if i had a pointed dsh and then got zuko#i swear i would have thought he was possessed#he is EXTREMELY high energy and high interaction needs#its much better now that he is turning 3 this year#but having lived with a dsh i could make pant in like 8 minutes of what i consider low intensity play#i can absolutely say that if you arebt prepared to change your life to help enrich theirs you might not be happy LOL
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