#and now that i’m updated i feel better
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i don’t know how y’all just disconnect so easily like sure i can and have easily delete apps and accounts etc but even in the days i was gone i’d have periods of my heart racing so fast and feeling sick like omg BE NORMAL!!!!! anyway i logged back in today because i kept thinking about this situation at work earlier and just needed to be updated
#and now that i’m updated i feel better#loved sapnap’s response it was perfect imo#G isnt a bad guy he doesnt have malicious intentions he was just drunk snd fucking STUPID and he needs to take full accountability for it#and going by his tweet he finally realises that now#he will probably be torn to shreds for the next FOREVER but well#what can u do#i hope caiti is alright the thought of such a young girl having to do this publicly and have it dragged out longer than she was probably#expecting it to be#is horrible
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I’m so serious when I say that I hope that The Umbrella Academy comics have a more satisfactory ending & don’t have as much character assassination. ☂
#it could be a while before we see the end of the comics so for now in my brain the series is sort of on hiatus#Gerard Way please take your time with these comics PLEASE we are begging#idk if umbrella academy was always supposed to be a tragedy but this as of right now feels like a game of thrones situation#I never watched or read GoT but I’ve heard awful things & I don’t really plan to personally#idk I just really didn’t like the ending & some other parts about it too just mmmm meh#I’m sure the source material has its issues too but like cmon give us something better#I’ve been through homestuck hiatuses so this will be a piece of cake probably compared to waiting on the comics to update & finish#I’ve also heard some not so pleasant things about Steve Blackman & my partner looked into a bit so mmm here’s to waiting on the true ending#some kind of mish mash of the comics & show lore#mine#op#tua spoilers#tua s4#tua season 4#dark horse comics#tua#the umbrella academy#umbrella academy spoilers
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I miss you Lorna… this is such a mess
This is an old message and I had several other similar messages, but I miss you guys and hope you’re all doing well!! I’m sorry to see nothing has improved.
I saw I was kindly mentioned by @awesomefringey and some other commenters the other day, so just wanted to log in and say hello and log back out for a few more months. 💕
Sending so so much love to all of you. Take care of yourselves and each other, please.
The video is still on YT.
#Anywayyyyy#The fandom added a whole lot more C to my C-PTSD#So a nice random message every few months instead of a freshly posted death wish is LOVELY.#Don’t fret. On meds and therapied but fresh tf out of money from it so @ L and H… lornasaurusrexx at g*ail is the PayPal if ur bored 🙃#I hate to be like this but protect your hearts. They’ll never be able to look out for you guys and they feed these trolls ammo for snacks#and it seems to have only gotten worse. Gotta keep them hets hetbaited for their money whilst actively encouraging them to bully yall? Why?#STILL!? At this point it feels like they’ve both chosen that path deliberately now and I find it quite gross. but I’m also very far removed#So don’t worry about my opinions. Keep trusting your own intuition!!! You all see it. I love you guys and your beautiful hearts and empathy#But I hope they can sleep at night knowing the absolute fucking genuine WRECKAGE they left across the Big Gay War generation/era of Larries#Don’t worry guys I’m just as dramatic as ever. None of this has anything to do with them coming out or anything. Just how we were treated.#But trust I fuckin mean that shit from the deepest darkest pit of my Demon Larrie™️ heart. They encouraged this. 🤷🏼♀️#Anyone who cares about my actual life updates: I’m a school nurse now and will be working at a bougie summer camp over break#Had a surgery I needed. Got new tattoos and piercings. In a happy and healthy relationship with the best dude for almost a year now.#OH and I went to New Zealand last year with Prettytruthsandlies!!!! We made a pact back in our Big Gay War/college days to go. And we DID!!#I got overstimulated and overfed and puked in Hobbiton. 🤣 (It was the best time of my LIFE GENUINELY🥰🥰🥰🥰🥹🥹🥹)#Okay BYE LOVE YOU GUYS#There are better and more humane ways to maintain a closet ..like literally STFU entirely. Ignoring it and not exploiting a kid is FREE#🇵🇸
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Hi guys I am alive.
I’ve been doing character week events for a scrap of serotonin but I have not abandoned my three WIPs. I am so sorry it’s taken so long to up them. Life has been kicking my ass. Two hurricanes (one threat of one- Milton didn’t hit near me) back to back was a lot to deal with. Also work and just. So many things.
I do linger, queue, and I apologize for churning out character week stuff instead. I hope to have stuff for you guys soon.
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Chapter 89
I just finished Chapter 89
#I just finished Chapter 89… I don’t know what else to say… I have a lot to say… but… like… no. Just no.#Kingdom of Ash spoilers in tag and I guess kinda post but not really#90s only gonna hurt more with Abraxos & Narene & I hate reading reactions & Dorian’s not there & Manon my love like what do we do now what#first read#reading reacts#live updates#read with me#cry with me die with me idk cause why with me all I have now is bad rhymes cause my brain has been evaporated too (too soon?)#read along#Chapter 89#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah Jessica Maas why did you do this to me#I miss ACOTAR where no one dies#I mean it’s well written#and I’m fangirl heartbroken#but also real world crying#cathartic read world grief Maasverse moments and love and loving and hope and destruction and despair and fangirling and feels and agh#this better have a happy ending#I can’t keep calm but I guess I’ll read on#I don’t know the last time a book made me actually cry this much and broke my heart so deeply… I miss you already Asterin… Vesta… Sorrel… 13#stupid tag letter count cut off stopping me from listing them all but my loves … always … until the darkness claims us… and even then…#I am not okay#I am dead inside#I will never recover#KoA actually stands for Killed Off All of my soul that’s what the KOA part means#SARAH WHAT DID YOU DO#I wish I could hug fictional characters#haven’t finished the book yet just the chapter that finished me#once 13 always 13#I prefered live Fenrys since it ACTUALLY INVOLVED LIVING
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anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already
#the problem is. actually there are several problems#1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic#2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought#3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing#so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing#so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better#unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting#but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week#I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March#the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself.#well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look#and also I would feel bad#I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN#and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going#but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting#I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing#just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC#I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!!#stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!!#but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread#I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh
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now i’m getting up and leeeeeeavin
#weezer#rivers cuomo#i can’t tell who that is lwk#someone please tell me#AM IN AP PHYSICS#update am on the bus now bc my teacher was talking and i forgot i was posting.#it’s really hot right now in california; today it os#93!!!! it’s so hot and i have to walk a bit frommmy stop to my house so it really sucks but it’s okay.#anyways my physics class is like. weird idk how to explain#my teacher; even though he’s nice; talks a LOT which is bad since i’m bad at science and need all the class time i can get#i’m sorry mr chang i don’t care too much about how you were in soccer as a kid#LIKE TEACH ME PHYSIXS KING.#he does science olympiad so maybe i’ll ask about joining ?#that could be super fun! i’m gonna really try my best in that class#i really want his letter of recommendation; but he’s only giving it to the top 4 people in his class! i’m so worried but it’s okay.#IVE GOT THIS.#anyways my tummy really hurts#idk what’s wrong with me; maybe i need to eat better but it just makes me feel bad :(#it okay.
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a seldom unrealised joy of fics updating after a long time (by which i mean many months or perhaps even years) is being able to go back and reread the previous chapter or heck, the entire fic again to catch up. it’s almost as good as reading it for the first time🥰
#ofc. if ur like me and ur brain is akin to a colander#then mere weeks also feel like a heckin long time#and this works even better#can u tell i got a fic update today#idk how long it’s been but def long enough that i have to read the previous chapters lol#(i’m also trying to make my own self feel better wrt FOD 💀)#but also#i’m generally an advocate for readings wips#bc theyre amazing#and idc how long it takes for it to be finished#heck i’ve started abandoned works so many times#rly think people r missing out#they’re so focused on the end goal they’re not enjoying the process#<— pls ignore how…corporate? spiritual? idk that sounded#i’m just thinking out loud lol#or. writing out loud?#idk#okie byeee#gonna read my chapter now
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every band in the world should hire me as their merch manager i know how to run this shit better than anyone fuck OFF!!!!!!!!
#status update#sorry i’m just being inconvenienced by the merch situation i’m dealing with right now#why are you only doing cash or venmo omfg i literally have a pos system at home#i could’ve brought it had i known this was the situation. no one is enjoying this#cash or venmo only. get real#feel like i’m running a money laundering front here or something#not even getting tips tonight PEOPLE ARE TIPPING ME! but i won’t get them at the end of the night. angy#i could’ve done this whole night by myself way better than this. if only
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I’m still reeling from the impact Helene left around here. I didn’t want to think the rumors and stuff were true, but hearing it from people I know and trust irl and seeing footage of stuff around areas I’m familiar with has left me devastated and extremely upset about everything.
It hit me hard once the rain stopped and I went into town. It hit me even harder once my internet and cell service stabilized and I saw all the news.
I’m really struggling to process stuff right now. I probably will be for a long time until some normalcy gets restored around here. I count myself blessed Helene didn’t hurt me or my loved ones, but it hurt my community and is continuing to do so and that’s just not okay at all.
I’m burnt out about the news but can’t escape it cause it’s here in my neighborhood happening and being discussed and updated daily. I hope people stop wishing ill on folks. It’s awful and it sickens me the responses I’ve seen from the media and the web from some people.
Just stop.
We’re hurting and it doesn’t matter how prepared you think we were, it was unavoidable. Where do you suggest people should’ve gone when even the highest mountain couldn’t avoid the flooding? I’m lucky to have a decent internet signal on the best days where I live. Imagine everyone else around me who doesn’t have any connection to the world except though maybe radio or a landline?
It’s not like we’re stupid. Just stop assuming things. What we need is help, aid, and general support and awareness.
I don’t mean to monologue here. I’m still grieving over the devastation and that takes time.
I’m just so sick of seeing people acting like they know better about the disaster. It’s way way more intricate than you think.
#hurricane helene#appalachia#life update#I’m not doing so hot atm#I’ll be better once some normalcy occurs#it’s kind of stifled my already limited motivation atm#imma eventually get back into a groove here#but for now I’m just trying to keep moving forward#won’t get political on here#but damn did this disaster start some shit#y’all are welcome to message me here or whatevs#I don’t bite#just dealing with some heavy stuff rn#also just yeah…#not trying to start fights#not up to debate either#like I know the topics#I’m here living it#so not gonna argue#but feel free to just reach out to people?#yeah#imma shut up now#it late#shut up sky
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feels good. feels organic.
#the soda fizzes#<- maybe i should change that too#just feels better now that i’m not orange anymore#orange is still my favorite color but like.#i’m not a happy enough person to be orange anymore LMFAO#theme is still a wip but mobile theme has been decided. just have to update my description and title and shit
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being the youngest person on my team by like 10 years sometimes is REALLY obvious because everyone is talking about home construction and high school kid sports and stuff and my weekly update is “I got a Razor scooter and some new glitter paint”
#sometimes they totally forget I’m this young bc we’re never on video and I’m not volunteering a lot of personal updates bc of reasons#but when I do it’s really funny bc I’m like#‘I learned how to make stir fry today’#‘I beat a raid in this video game i play’#‘I got a razor scooter’#‘the dog now fetches the cat toys so I don’t have to bend down and pick them up’#‘I tried mangos for the first time’#‘yesterday I learned what ferries are like’#‘this weekend I took photographs of local moss’#and everyone else is like ‘my daughter is home from college’ ‘I have my first grandchild’ ‘the hurricane blew away the port a potty from our#house construction site’ etc etc#personal#someday I’m going to be fully dressed in an actual outfit and do a little makeup and then be on our weekly long team meeting and everyone’s#going to be like YOU’RE Katherine???? You’re what Katherine looks like? you have pink hair and you’re like 17????#and I’m going to be like well I mean I’m not THAT young but yes I do wear like. young person clothes#I get ’you’re so optimistic!’ from some of them on a regular basis and I’m like#well you see I learned that if I’m not optimistic I will die#and also the world is REALLY FUCKING COOL when you’re not terrified of the world all the time#so frankly I think I’m right to be#I think you maybe need juice and a rest and a bigger support system and then maybe you’ll feel a lot better#meanwhile I’ll be a cheerleader hard enough for both of us
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Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).
I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.
So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.
#text post#incoherent rambling#project update#game project#I’m still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too#It’s the rule of like just being a horror fan doesn’t make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but it’s been difficult#either things aren’t concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about#which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime 💀💀💀#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague#truly a balancing act writing is#kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members#which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand I’m desensitized to it 😔#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary#the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now it’s a comfort film#funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now it’s just a spooky but fun rpg#but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it#still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesn’t anymore for some reason#I feel like that’s how it’s worked with most things I’ve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning#ugh writing is HARD#but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles#I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but that’s about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo#and I don’t want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause that’s boring#I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but there’s not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums#the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age#anyway idk what to tag this probably won’t get seen since it’s not my usual anyway but eh whatever I’ll think about this#hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs 💀💀💀
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ROSIEEE YOU'RE ALIVE!!?
Depends what your definition of alive is :3
#I started college… yeah that speaks for itself lol#don’t expect regular updates or anything just random reblogs when I get a spare moment cause college is…. a lot.#the main reason I’m even reblogging stuff is because of lloydskywalkers lol whenever I see a notif from them I get tempted to come crawling#back for a moment until I’m whisked away by homework again#speaking of which I better get back to my chem homework now 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️#but feel free to message me/talk anytime!#I just can’t promise I’ll get back right away :)#rosie rants#asks#I know I know I basically tumblr died#this has just been a very overwhelming year lol
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woke up to use the bathroom (well. bedside commode. trying to reduce/prevent foot pain) and folks i am so comfy. i love the pressure from the compression boots they have me in and OH MY BIRTH CONTROL I NEED TO TAKE THAT
#marzi speaks#remembered mid-‘it gets better’ post ain’t that funny#update: nurse got my bc out for me we’re good#my gyno would be so proud of my ability to remember to take my pills <3 (<- always follows meds routines)#anywho as i was saying i’m on a dose of liquid tylenol every 6 hours to stay ahead of the foot pain and it is so lovely#been sleeping basically since i had dinner. gonna keep sleeping until they come do my labwork#(not looking forward to that part but i will live)#god i am so glad i won’t have to do colonoscopy prep again#well. if all goes well that is. i should be good until my 50s#i feel like i’m gonna be so well rested. this is such an improvement#also. as they were wheeling me into the OR which was bright and busy bc i had 2 doctors for my 3 scopes#(endo- colono- and broncho-)#my anaesthesiologist asked me again if i wanted some anti-anxiety iv meds since it was so hectic#and i was still good w the morphine but also like. that place was COOL i liked it#i wanted to absorb as much info as my sleepy little nerd brain could#ANYWHO. i’m gonna go back to sleep now love you all
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.
#i feel like i should do a life update on here#i had several panic attacks in a row that led to severe suicidal ideation and i got chaotic about it and dipped from being online#and it’s been months now and i’m barely any better than before but now i have a social life#and by social life i mean i’m actively a functioning sex fiend with a drug problem#but at least I’ve got a therapist and I’m taking pyschiatric medication again now 🫠🫠#time to enjoy my hallmark christmas movies while doing coke in a bar bathroom at 4pm <3
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