#and now my left ear hurts
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I swear if I develope an ear infection the next person coming within five feet of me is getting stabbed. With a spear.
#i just want this sickness to be gonnnnnnne#ughhhhhhhh#the cough STILL wont go away#and now my left ear hurts#im also on my period now so thats not fucking helping my mood#i need to sleep but i cant sleep because my fucking ear hurts#jdndbxbndjdkdkxkjc#my random thoughts#violence#threats of violence
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oh my god finally . i think i have a grian face that im 80% happy with now. why is he and mumbo so hard to draw goodness
#i can draw him facing front and facing left.#but his bangs when hes facing right hurts me. BUT!!!! HE HAS A FACE NOW#also i opted out of the wings in the ear slots thing#im sorry i could not get it to work for the life of me#I DID MY SCARIAN HOMEWORK THOUGH i understand Why hes a bird and why scars a vex now#mumbos... still an enigma. i cant tell what size of moustache i want to give him and what hair
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@pinkieclown HAPPY (late) BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(This is their oc Oopsadaizee!!!)
There’s a right side up version under the cut :)))
#WHEEEEEEE I DID IT HOORAY!!!!!!!!#HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTIEEEE IM SORRY THIS TOOK A WHILE!!!!!!#they’re SO SO CUTE I LOVE THEM#I loved drawing the pigtails so so so much but I MESSED UP THE LEG WARMERS RAHHHH I MIXED THEM UPPP#you have no idea how long that fucking hand took im so mad#ANYhow#doing this piece helped me fight the anxiety DEMONS who are coming for my lungs and my heart and my lungs#the heart disease/collapsing lung demon would come to whisper in my ear and I would punch it in the face like no!!!!!#I will not have a panic attack now sir I am ARTING!!!!#first painting in a while since a self portrait for class (Bluebeard themed….please hold your shock#anyway I am PLOTTING besties I have ONE DAY LEFT OF SCHOOL RAH#but I digress#HAPPY BIRTHDAY I HOPE YOU HAVE THE BEST DAYS FOREVER 🫶🫶#cats the musical#cats musical#cats oc#jellicle oc#not my oc#I’m gonna go dunk my head in a sink now the stress is getting to me so badly my heart hurts rahhhhhhhh#sorah’s silly scribbles
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Gear 5 luffy's laugh is so contagious I just hear the drums and go insane how does this work. What did he do to me
#i still cant believe how much this new opening theme goes off.... DREAM SAVE ALL OF US 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH 💥💥💥💥💥💥#wait a second. the robot attacked 200 years ago. the void century was 800 years ago no????? what#oh see it was made 900 years ago.... but why did it attack 200 years ago then.... what happened#it is still so funny how they made evegapunk einstein but with some cunty long legs#200 years ago they gave rights to the gyojin!!! i see i see ✍️✍️also i still wonder why law and kuma have similar hat and pants designs#like there is NO WAY that much similarity isnt done on purpose. NO FUCKING WAY!!! I NEED ANSWERS!!!#are they annihliating cp ships akdhakskd yeah vegapunk letsgo#also the opening song is about dreams and the end one is about luffy reaching shanks...... havent got a clue why but there it is#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1098#also is lucci named lucci bc it kinda sounds like luffy. SERAPHIM KUMA HAS HIS DEVIL FRUIT???? vegapunk could only make zoan fruits????#also wdym when cp0 acts it means its some historic event. lucci is like 25. where are the experienced people here#sentomaru works for vegapunk??? maybe i forgor about this tbh also do theu have a doffy seraphim??? the fact they have animal names....#stussy letting kaku get hurt akdhsjsn oh atlas has lamb ears..... and lucci said she is is prey... no..... the foresahdowing :(#lucci you fucked up she just gave luffy food... that a death sentence look what happened to kaido#episode 1099#<- oh my god btw. god. jesus.#why is akainu telling the cp0 what to do or thinks he can do that... thats the world gov... also thinkng about how garp should fight him#and not luffy.... because of ace you know... i still wonder how did sengoku know who ace's father was... there is only one man who knew....#everyone trying to stop them from fighting ajdhsksjks two rabid dogs fr#LUFFY TAKING OFF HIS JACKET WHEN LUCCI ASKS FOR HIS WANTED SIGN!!!! GO OFF KING!!!! SLAY!!! THE CREW SAW HIM!!! FINALLY!!!#i have been smiling since he started the transformation this is so sick...... i have got a case of the luffy brain#zoan fruits steal the personality of the user when they awaken ✍️✍️ luffy???? nami being the only one who saw gear 5 <3 twins manifesto#robin being so shook about luffy being a god ajdbjansk wdym devil fruits exist because people wish for them. fairy magic real????#WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY ARE FROM ALTERNATE REALITIES WHERE SOMEONE DREAMT ABOUT THEM??? DOES HE TRAVEL THRU REALITIES FOR THEM???#jinbe has been making this face 😧 every episode three times it is amazing ajdhaksnsk poor man... now he sees a kid angel version of himself#after seeing hia captain turn into a god... he is gonna get a stroke OMG SENTOMARU WE JUST GOT YOU BACK#episode 1100#<- CRAZY. INSANE. OH GOD. ONLY 12 LEFT. THATS A WEEKEND!!! I CANT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I've got an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow, and I'm getting my conch piercing swapped out for a shorter one. that's gonna be stressful 🙃
#annnd I will absolutely take my lorazepam for the second one... yeah it's unnecessary yeah it's dumb but. I'm SO scared#and I haven't even thought about taking any in ages. so it's alright and I don't mind#I will do things to make things I want to do but am scared of easier for myself so that I can do them at all#and that's fine#I'm so hoping she'll say the piercing is healing well... it doesn't hurt at all and I've been careful with it and I've cleaned it#(almost) every day like she said#but there's a bump and it still gets pretty gross and. well I'm just hoping it's fine 😬#I kinda keep going from 'I still want as many ear piercings as possible' to 'I don't want to get a piercing ever again in my life' and back#though at this point.... I'm thinking I definitely should not get any more in my left ear since it keeps being difficult (the slight hearing#loss and the tube and then I got a middle ear infection... maybe it'll eventually be fine again but right now it's not looking like it 🤔#but whatever maybe I'll get more in the right one. I could. if I wanted to. we will see 🤷)#also it suuucks that I now have to drive 30 minutes to get to my psychiatrist's office but I like him a lot so I will not look for a#different one#personal
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I feel like my body's like falling apart
#worried even more about having like a hernia#my bottom right abdomen keeps giving me sharp pain and feels like a lump I can push in#and it's getting worse now -__-#sometimes I wake up feeling like I'm gonna vomit immediately but I just swallow and it goes away#and if I bend over too fast it's the same#my left eye is in a lot of sharp pain and if I move too fast it hurts -__-#my left foot again is getting swollen and retaining water and is lightly purple like when they thought I had heart failure#like .... looooool ...#I'm getting my insurance next year and I'm gonna go crazy for doctors appointments finally. It's been way too long#not to mention like. my constant ear infections I've had for years
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ear infection my beloathed... as if my jaw didn't already hurt normally now i have to deal with this!
#left ear is killing me and i can feel it coming to my fucking right ear as we speak...#i don't even know if it's an ear infection cause i don't have a fever or any other symptoms#but it hurts like hell...#(:#not the first time it happens so it'll be gone in a few days plus i'm getting some medicine on wednesday#but still hate it!#can't sleep on my side and i'm a side sleeper!!!!#my back is starting to hurt too now lol#angel talks#personal
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my other ear is infected now too :(
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i think i permanently fucked up my left earlobe by trying to stretch it too fast
#the right one was fine idk what went wrong with the left but it got all inflamed and bleeding the next day#i had to remove it and let it heal for about a month but now i can't even insert my tiny titanium hoop in#it started bleeding immediately#i guess i might have to see my piercer about this and maybe get it re-pierced#but i had to stop stretching my right ear too cause i'm not a huge fan of the asymmetrical look#i used a dead stretching set and waited a proper month between changing sizes so idk why this happened#i was gentle and careful with both ears and it didn't hurt until the next day
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👂
#i just had my left ear re-pierced because for some reason the hole in the back closed up?!?!?#after like. idk how many years i got my ears pierced when I was one or something#and now im realizing oh YEAH it hurts#obviously not BADLY I'm fine it's just funny because i took for granted being able to wear earrings#because they were pierced for as long as i can remember#and now I'm like oh so there's. WORK involved. to actually get the hole ready for earrings#in other words my youngest sister and my kid brother had their ears pierced for the first time!!!#and my younger sister got a third piercing because she's cool#*ear piercing#asterrisks in the tagses
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not to sound like a petulant child but my entire fuckin week is ruined and i wanna kms
#basically#me and my college friends were gonna hang out together today#at this rlly nice place that i havent been to before that they were gonna show me right#we were gonna have a picnic and i bought fuckin drinks and cookies and plates n shit right#i was really excited about it bc 1. this semester legit made me wanna jump out a window so im glad its done#and 2. my friend is going back to his country next week so we were gonna have one last get together before he leaves yk#well anyway right before i was about to leave my mom's leg started hurting (though i think she did it on purpose now)#so i offered to do the wash before i left so that yk....she could rest and not fuck up her leg...common fuckin sense#anyway i started sorting the wash...tell me why she literally SPRINTS over (again...with a 'hurt' leg) and started screeching in my ear#she starts yelling 'get the fuck away from me!!!' and 'what are you doing'....WHIILE SHE WAS THE ONE UP IN MY FACE#keep in mind this is all 20 minutes before im meant to leave im literally dressed and ready to go out the door#anyway my brother broke us up and WHY WAS SHE THE ONE THAT BURST INTO TEARS???? WHEN SHE WAS THE ONE SCREECHING AND PUSHING ME#anyway i just did the wash and told my friends i couldnt make it#but i feel super shitty about it bc we were supposed to meet at 12 and i suddenly told them i couldnt make it at 11
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my brain is so full of stress it might explode. but ill do my best to keep putting out my best and stay kind to myself and others. but man, is it hard
#i wish i had something for myself rn#but i come home so exhausted i cant even focus on art#everything has been burning me so thin#i keep talking down my own art now. i keep refunding clients. i honestly want to give up on everything#people tell me i do a good job but i dont see it. i dont see an artist whos worth anything right now.#i dont know if thats a phrase#i have a early morning shift tomorrow and i cant fall asleep#i want to just rest but im so restless#i dont want to put pressure on anyone besides myself bc i feel like a huge burden#if i do so#everyone else should be having a good time#so i feel like a bummer to take up their emotional space and time#i appreciate the kindness people have shown me recently#i know i work hard. but im still so broken over everything#i just havent felt like an artist since it happend#he left a bigger scar on my ego than i thought it would#and every time i voice it i feel someone is out to end me for it#but at the same time i feel completely unnoticed and unheard#i dont expect anyone to see me as me#i just feel this lump in my throat now. this weight on my hand#they say kind things but im so hurt inside i dont see it as truth right now. i dont see anything worth admiring#they say such sweet things and i want to accept them so bad because my heart needs it#but i cant help but feel the words die as they reach my ears. im just too hurt i cant see it#i cant see the truth in my work all i see is someone else's desire in their commission#as long as they are happy. as long as they are satisfied#thats all that matters#i dont feel important enough to be apart of the process anymore#i dont feel worthy as a person or artist#i just feel less than nothing and that no one will care
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if this girl at my table doesn't stop slamming her fidget magnets together im going to scream
#it is. such a sharp noise and it is causing me physical pain#as in my left ear hurts now#my headphones don't block it out and even though the active noise cancelling setting kinda blocks it out i can't even use it because it -#- makes my ears hurt even more#im not super sensitive to a lot of sensory things but. christ i am in pain#i have the same magnets at home just in a different color but even those don't hurt as much as these do#she's putting them on the table and letting them slam together from like 4-5 inches away and OW
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I feel like you talk about Saejima and Baba kissing a lot
Hmmmmm... I think I talk about them suckin and fuckin more than I do *kissing* but they Should kiss and I should say it.
#if saejima kissed baba at any point in y5 theres a good possibilty he'd burst into tears#Thatd be so funny#God#theres still 20 somn days of pride month maybe i can find the spirit to write something or paint somn 😭#my teeth hurt tho and my ear and my head#i say that as if thats gonna last like actually idk how many days are left what is the daye even#ask#fun fact pride month in australia is actually march but i think everyone just celebrates twice now
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Imagine having sinuses that function. Seems great
#finally got the right side of my face to stop hurting#but now my left ear is in hell#I just want to be able to sleep
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The reason people don’t want to work is that it’s just normal for them to be in bad work environments.
My issue with working at Walmart wasn’t the work itself I was doing. It was the circumstances around it. The concrete floor, lack of places to sit, having to put up with asshole customers, not getting time off for injuries, and bad pay.
If I had been given shock pads to stand on or a few chairs to rest on sometimes, if they paid me a livable amount of money and I was allowed to yell back at asshole customers, if they had given me any amount of training, I would happily work part time folding clothes all day and telling people where the swimsuit section is.
I’m a creative type. I’m a writer. I’m pretty smart, even. But if I could make a living folding shirts and listening to podcasts in one ear and helping people find the scented candles for 30 hours a week? I would. Leaves some mental space free for me to brainstorm. Lets me catch up on my reading with audiobooks.
But instead I was treated so badly by upper management and customers that I’m like legitimately a little frightened whenever I step into a Walmart now. And I only worked there for three months a few years ago.
I’m a good lower level worker. When I’m treated well. I like finishing tasks. I like being helpful. I like having some time to talk to coworkers and some time alone with my thoughts. I’m a frickin team player. And that’s how I was at my first job. I was treated well by my supervisor. I was trained. They were patient with me. I was so good at being low on the totem pole at that job because I was valued and felt like I was being listened to. I was able to sit still when there was nothing left to do which made it feel less bad when we were on a time crunch. I didn’t mind working hard at that job because it was fun even though I was doing all the low level stuff that the supervisors didn’t want do.
But at Walmart I was like that for all of two days. Then I figured out that nobody appreciated my work and if I worked in my normal people pleasing manner I’d kill myself because their standards were high and the rewards for meeting them were low.
So I slowed down. I started avoiding customers. I started taking a lot longer to get to my breaks and to come back from them. I became worse at my job because no matter how good I was at it there would be no reward, no appreciation, and I’d just be pushed further beyond my limits.
My only level of happiness from that job came from the people who were working with me. The old ladies and my department manager who made sure I wasn’t overextending myself. The one other young man working in the clothing department who always got sent with me to unload the heavy stuff and commiserated with me about the shoulder injuries, the hurting feet we were too young to have.
But none of that was enough to make me stay. We were constantly understaffed. I was constantly abused by customers and not able to do a thing about it. I was not paid much at all. So as soon as I had enough saved up for what I was trying to do and my last semester of college was about to start I handed in my two weeks.
I would have found a way to stay if I liked that job. If I liked that job I would’ve pushed myself to my mental limits to finish college and keep that job at the same time. Heck that job could’ve been a rest from college. A place to get away from it. But I hate that job so I got out as soon as I could.
I want to work. I want enough money to live sort of comfortably. I want to have some tasks to do to give my creativity a rest. I want to be a part of something. But the way that modern corporate run work environments are set up does not give me any of the things I actually want out of a job. And I think that’s the same for millions of people right now. A lot of people would happily spend their lives as a waitress or an Uber driver or a warehouse worker or a farmhand or any other “low skill” job you can possibly think of. But with the way the world works right now those jobs are absolutely miserable. It doesn’t have to be that way. I know because I’ve had a fulfilling part time minimum wage job that I looked forward to going to every week. A job where I was listened to and allowed to sit when I needed to. I miss that job. Especially now since I’ve realized that’s not the standard. It should be. People should look forward to going to work or at the very least not get mild ptsd whenever they set foot into a Walmart.
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