#and now i'm fully awake
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I think the anxiety of living is catching up to me
#it's 4:16 am and I cannot fall back asleep#I had a dream where I was taking care of my sister's dog#whom I love very dearly#but my sister and her husband were in my dream for a short period of time#and they ruined it for me lol#but also I started to think of all the things I need to do#for work for my house chores#started thinking about all the annual check ups I should do#and finances#and now I'm fully awake#also realizing how much my life stresses have impacted my creativity#that's a whole other tangent I will not get into lol#ji ⇢ is typing
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sick and tired
going back to season one bensler
#i am awake at 5:17 watching these FREAKS who have been trying not to kiss for thirty years#FUCKING MAKE OUT NOW!#bensler#rare svu spam from moyo#i'm so sick of them i've got to die#when i started watching this for the first time last year i was fully convinced it bensler would be like bones and booth#like i really thought we'd go a INSANE amount of seasons with this as partners and then they would have a weird season and then they kiss#live for my viewing pleasure#BUT NOOOO#i've had to wait a frankly psychotic amount#of time for?? what???#for elliot to be insane and inlove with her??#he already did that!!#he's off his rocker now give him his REAL wife#his work husband#miss police brutality#elliot stabler#olivia benson#IM DONE WITH THEN#eo#SAVE ME BENSLER SAVE ME
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{ Happy 26th birthday to me. }
#{ I got scared awake by a phone call from my mother being like 'I'm coming over!' }#{ So I am fully awake now with a blip of anxiety that will fade very quickly. }#{ But other than that... I can't believe I'm already 26. }#{ More than halfway to 30. Gah. }#{ If y'all wanna send me birthday wishes or talk to me or whatever feel free to do so! }#{ Obviously you don't have to! Just if you want to. Please don't force yourself to just because you see this post. }#{ I'm waiting for my mom to get here so we can just yabber together about me being older. }#{ MY SISTER ALSO MADE ME A PUFFY CLAY FROG WIZARD WITH A RED HAT. }#{ It's the cutest shit ever. }#{ I love it and placed it next to my Tails figure. }#{ The Magical Wizard of Soybean is what we jokingly call it. }#{ Cause I have a Yu-Gi-Oh OC named Sawyer who loves frogs and her best male friend calls her Soybean as a niclname. }#{ Anyway- back to talking to Vira on Discord. }#{ Happy 7 Month Birthday to our new dog Leia as well. }#{ We share a birthday only once this month since her birthday isn't actually in August. }#{ I gotta give her a cookie when we have cake though. }#✠ [ ' ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ʟᴇᴀᴅs ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ᴄʟᴏsᴇᴅ ᴅᴏᴏʀs. ' ] - ✡ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ✡
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Hey have you ever thought about how the existence of the grimwalkers that Belos made (and how there were so many of them) most likely contributed to the Collector not really knowing/understanding how death works
Every time Belos would "break" a grimwalker, he'd just "fix" them (by that, I mean he'd just make a new one)
And yeah, WE know that the grimwalkers weren't all the same (despite all being clones of the same dude), but the Collector probably didn't know that.
And if Belos referred to all/some (or at least, more than just Hunter) of the grimwalkers as being his nephew(s?), then it's not too much of a stretch to assume that the Collector may have thought they *were* all the same
#Like... we've talked about the Collector's reaction to Lilith calling King her nephew#& how that was definitely connected to them witnessing how Belos treated Hunter (& possibly more grimwalkers) while calling him his nephew#But have we really thought of how all of those grimwalkers Belos made may have really impacted his perception of death?#(Also I'm sorry if I made any mistakes and/or if this doesn't make a ton of sense. I'm not exactly fully awake right now. It's 2 AM)#toh#toh spoilers#watching and dreaming spoilers#watching and dreaming#the collector#the collecter toh#the owl house#the owl house spoilers
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Had a weird Hollow Knight-related dream a couple days ago, so I decided to draw a major scene I remembered from it dgsgshf
More context will be in the tags, for those interested!
#hollow knight#little ghost#hk ghost#the knight#hk hornet#hornet#alright. as of writing these tags it's been a week since the original dream so! let's see what i remember dgsgsgf#i was playing a game. which was a sequel to hollow knight ((Not silksong though))#there was some new sort of divine infection in hallownest and hornet had asked ghost to investigate it. they ended the last one after all!#the red glowy spike gate thingy is what you jumped into to enter the 'infected' areas#though it actually led directly to a hub world type of place. which was kinda like an expanded base for the grimm troupe?#more like an entire lair instead of a camp. also some greek gods were there for some reason lmao. they had their own special rooms too#so sidenote but- new headcanon that there are grimm troupe members named ares athena artemis &... venus lmao. not aphrodite for some reason#also monomon was there?? i think??? except she was cooking????? she had a sidequest to deliver something to someone though i dunno hdgfhdgh#i remember going back to the grimm troupe lair a couple times throughout my 'playthrough'#anyway. the 'infection' this time around was more of a glitchy physical corruption thing? rather than a mind corruption.#though there were still aggressive enemies to fight. but i remember getting a map from cornifer early on and he was. probably infected#i think part of his body was covered in electricity or something? so he wasn't fully visible? but he was still acting normally#there was also a moth who was the seer but then later wasn't the seer (but was still the same moth) dghgdhf. i delivered stuff to her#that glowing white wall thing in the drawing was like a one-way gate. you could only cross it from the other side and ghost came from there#i guess things looped back up somehow i dunno ghdgfhgf#anyway. ghost's red eyes. those are significant! those happened while i was walking through a corridor. it had pools of shallow water#(shallow enough to just walk through) and also creatures that were lightseeds but red.the implication was that they were full of Blood lmao#and as i went along killing them--as one does--as i walked through the hall. they started turning the water red too#there was also narration about this as it was happening ashdgsf. specifically the narrator said the water turned red before it actually did#ghost's eyes slowly turned red too. but aside from that they were fine! since. they're the player character and the player is perfectly fin#BUT. when they encountered hornet again. she thought they were infected. and that she lost the only family she had left </3#she didn't attack though. instead she just jumped into the red spike gate without a word. decided to try to fix everything herself#but eventually you'd encounter her again down below and she'd fight you. didn't actually get to that in the dream though#aand i'm out of tags </3 i wanted to talk about what i'd do to make this make more sense as an au or something now that i'm awake but. :c
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Bathmat
There's a paw print
on the bathmat.
Freya's not allowed in the master bathroom--
wasn't, anyway.
Who knows why she went in her last evening with us?
It was raining.
She always hated the rain.
Did the enclosed, windowless room
make her feel safe?
Did it smell more like us
than anywhere else?
She had her reasons.
I guess.
And now a place she rarely was
has been marked.
Temporary.
Easy to disturb.
But for now
I step on the tile.
I take a picture.
It'll be gone too soon.
(Like her.)
But I have the memory.
I have the photo.
And those I will keep.
#tw animal death#Freya#dogs#poetry#bathmat#i composed this last night in bed#this morning#in a not-fully-awake state#i stepped in it#i ruined it#it's gone now#I'm so sorry#i meant to keep it there until i washed the mat#i wanted to see it every time#i miss it already
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woke up extremely early because my supervisor scheduled a meeting
only for him to cancel half an hour before the thing 😭😭😭
#I wanted to sleep some mooooore#it's raining and chilly#I REALLY wanted to stay in bed#but now I'm fully awake and had breakfast and washed so there's no point going back to bed#damn
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If you've never heard an LRAD go off in person, I *genuinely* do not want to hear your opinion about methods of resistance in the US.
#i'm so fucking sick#wifey and i are pretty sure we got COVID so we've been isolating and trying to stay well#this is now at least my 2nd infection though#and you can tell too#wifey has been having trouble keeping me fed and hydrated and CONSCIOUS because I'm so tired I can barely function#this is despite sleeping for 12 hrs a day the past two days#and being fully medicated (or as fully medicated as I can be)#and on top of that my hypotension has been acting up severely since getting sick and I can barely walk 10ft b4 losing consciousness#i've haven't started throwing up my food and water yet but I've come pretty close especially early in the morning#anyway the point is that I am like. visibly being hit with an autoimmune aggravator not just a normal cold#and unfortunately#I'm taking it harder this time than the last#wifey is doing okay and mostly experienced it as a headcold with severe fatigue#she's pretty much better now a week or so out from starting to show symptoms#we....don't like when she gets hit that hard tho because it usually means I'm about to get bodied#pattern is holding so far regrettably lmao#anyway#my point is that I'm sick and angry and grieving and I really want to hit something or set it on fire#but i can't because i can barely move or even stay awake#and this is literally all my personal hell#as a result i am finding that I have a uhhhhhhhhhh unreasonably low threshhold for irritation recently
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anyways idk what is happening, maybe i'm just coming down with a bad flu or something, but i have been SO tired for no reason for several days now and today at work i also felt really ill. i drive around in a car about 6-7 hours a day at work these days and today i had to pull up two times on the side of the road because it felt like i was going to throw up. i didn't, it went away, but it was a close call.
#and yes i felt nauseous the whole damn day#i also developed a bad headache and it still hasn't gone away really#and i'm just so. fucking. tired.#after work i've really just been lying in bed mostly in this kind of a trance#not really asleep but not really fully awake either#i don't have enough energy for anything i usually even enjoy right now#ok i'll shut up now#just had to vent a bit#and now i'll head back to bed#i think i'll actually take a sleeping pill tonight maybe knocking myself out totally for a night will help some#personal
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rip lewis hamilton and nico rosberg you would've loved the album stick season by noah kahan
#if i ugly cry when listening to view between villages (extended) now or the WHOLE of she calls me back because of two rich men#none of your business#brocedes#i know fully my audience is not brocedes but it's what we're serving today!#DOES IT BITE AT YOUR EDGES DO YOU LIE AWAKE RESTLESS WHY AM I SO OBSESSIVE HANGING ONTO EVERY SENTENCE#it's not halloween but the ghost you're dressed up as sure knows how to haunt#all the pain i should've saved i was too afraid of living life in your footsteps#left at the graveyard i'm driving past ghosts#it's so them#all of it
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happy WIP wednesday, here's some sad old man yearning for his catatonic love!!!
hit 11k tonight, woooo!! although i had to stop cos now i need to write Albeleo for the first time and i cannot fuckin remember how he TALKS!!! oh no, a reason to go and rewatch Bozja Cutscenes, What A Shame 👁👁👁
#quailfic#wip wednesday#sartbasch#this thing is REALLY gonna be a monster i've got so many more bits to write in it sdgldghfg#INCLUDING a finally reunited both awake both ALIVE sex scene where Sart has been aged up 30yrs and Basch gets to explore his Now Old Body :#yea i'm catering entirely to myself (as usual...) with this fic LOL#anyway i think i need to make theodaire into a fully fledged oc cos i love him so much?????#old man garlean chief medicus my beloved....
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Today I present to you Whumpees that get injured but don’t realize it/don’t think it’s bad until a while later, when they accidentally touch the injury in an unfortunate way or move the injured limb wrong and they just fucking crumble
#whump#injury whump#whumpee#irl whump#if that sounds oddly specific. it's because it is#on my way to work right. because I was riding over some#fields because I work on a strawberry farm but it had rained last night and it was super slippery#which I didn't REALIZE and I was absolutely rushing because I had overslept#and so I slipped really weirdly and fell UNDER my bike and for like a few seconds my knee really hurt. like the knee I've been having#problems with for years. and I already thought *ah. well then. that might as well just happen now right* but then it was okay again after#a few minutes. like it only hurt when fully extending it which is something I already deal with normally#so I just kept on going and it didn't bother me much anymore#but just now I was standing in front of my bed and leaned over to grab my charger and BOY#my neighbors probably heard me lmfao#like I straightup couldn't get up for a solid two minutes or so#I'm good now again and can walk normally but that just snapped me awake like no amount of coffee will ever be able to#still hurts a bit but it'll be fine 👍
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I love the "lol sentenced someone to death for being annoying" memes for Astarion, and I know there's cut content from EA of him being corrupt, but for the final version of Astarion we get, I really like the idea that he genuinely tried to be a good magistrate.
He probably had some help, considering he was fairly young--even for humans irl, you're not typically appointed a magistrate until your 50s--but I can't get the idea out of my head that he came in ready to make a difference, because look at all this power he has! He can change things, really!
He steadfastly refuses bribes, and he sticks to the letter of the law. Yes, some of these rulings may have been seen as cruel, but the law is the law, and surely being lawful is a good thing? He's seen--from a distance--how the lawless streets can ruin lives, so it's tough love that's going to set Baldur's Gate right. Most people are good, he reasons, and his rulings will show them the error of their ways...and make an example of those who aren't redeemable.
Of course, he doesn't get very far before the ruling with the Gur, and then there's Cazador eager to help. Now, suddenly, he's on the other side of the law. He's the one resorting to hurting people, whether that's from petty thefts of clothes here and there--punishable by a fine of 258 gold, he remembers--or delivering his conquests to Cazador for their presumed death, which involves prostitution (in some cases), abduction, and accessory to murder.
The laws he lived by are useless, he finds. They aren't going to stop people like him from doing what they can to survive, and they're not going to stop people like Cazador from using their station to get around it. Better to assume everyone's some form of wicked, including the people who make those stupid laws.
But deep in him, I think there's still a bit of that desire for justice. Mostly for himself, because look what happened the last time he tried to help other people. But every now and again it comes back out--for the children trying to con him to survive, for the housepets that have no idea what's happening out in the world, for the guileless Sebastians who didn't know any better.
And with his ascension, he wants to make things better. Mostly for him, again, but surely everyone will benefit from his wants. Because deep down there's still a trace of that young magistrate who wanted to make the world better with the power he had.
Not many people out there are good anymore, in his eyes. But some are, and they deserve better. And he can give that, if he has enough power.
#I keep getting drawn to evil lawyers help#added to it now that I'm fully awake and not just vomiting my emotions on Tumblr
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emerging from my apparent sleep coma blinking blearily
#i was in and out of sleep since 5am#with the brief waking up to feed the cats so they'd leave me alone#and now it's noon#so#idk what happened there jfkajc#i woke up fully alert at like 6:30am yestersah but today I'm having to force myself up#then again. i was awake until midnight last night fjsjfjsjcj#that probably has a lot to do with it cjjajdjz#shh ac
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🎵🎶🎶
fuck I left the news alarm on (panic)
🎵🎵🎶🎶
[accidental swipe protection] FUCK
"🎵🎶🎶Trump Clarifies Abortion Stance, Gender Theory🎵🎶🎶🎵"
still trying to swipe on purpose
finally works
thumbprint unlock
"🎶🎶🎵🎵 Manslaughter -"
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woke up at 4am sweaty and disoriented af lights still on stream still going i love le mans
#i'm fully back now. wanted to be awake for the sunrise but either there was none or i slept through it lol#24h le mans 2024#lis.txt#also there was a sc every time i woke up for the last like 4 hours what was up with that
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