#and now i can’t make the planning spreadsheet and i’m gonna forget about it :(

[faggot-friday]

Me: wow!! I have motivation to actually WRITE!!

Me: *opens Google doc and starts writing*

My laptop: *locks*

Me:

Me: I am not going to do Anything for the next Week

[citrineghost]

Struggling to stay organized because you have ADHD?

Well, I have a fantastic solution for you! There’s this bitchin site called Trello and I’m gonna tell you all about it

This is not sponsored, I just really like organization and Trello is awesome. And, as always, no readmore because this is targeted at ADHD people and y’all ain’t gonna click it

[ID: a picture of a website with many columns/lists. Behind the lists, there is a customized background. To the right is a sidebar showing that you can search Unsplash for backgrounds right from the site. Each column/list has a bunch of ‘cards’ on it. The cards each have a title and color coded label(s) /end ID)

Here’s a picture of my to-do board

There are some things blacked out, mostly just my avatar, name, and some original creative stuff I don’t feel like broadcasting.

So, Trello is broken up into different levels of organization. Let’s start with the most important level: boards.

Boards

A board is what’s pictured above. Think of it like a corkboard where you pin your notes. You can make as many of these as you want. You can title them, invite people to them, automate certain parts of them, and more.

On your board, you can make

Lists

Lists are those columns you can see on my board. You can title each list, click and drag them around to reorder them, set them to automatically label the things on them, and so on.

My lists on my to do board are titled with a time period for when I aim to do something. The time periods are large and vague, which makes them great for my ADHD. I can move things between them as I need, which is also great for my ever shifting brain thoughts. 

But! What makes it great is that whatever I put in the left list, titled Next, I know is what I need to be focusing on at the moment. It makes it easier to ignore what’s to the right of it and let’s me relax knowing I won’t just forget everything I’m not prioritizing.

Lists are used for holding

Cards

(ID: A picture of a small window that opens after clicking on a card. It contains the title, the labels (with their names now visible), and a functioning checklist. There is also a place to type a description, a place to add comments, and a list of buttons on the side for managing the card and its place on the board /end ID)

Each card can be as simple as containing just a title (making it a simple entry on your list), or as complicated as housing photos, descriptions, checklists, labels, and comments. You just click the card and it opens the window shown above.

My card is for a tabletop I’m working on, nicknamed TAP. I have it labeled with all of the things pertaining to what it involves (world building, writing, in progress, spreadsheeting, and art/creative). These color coded labels make it easy to see what kind of cards I’m looking at when looking at the overall board and lists.

As I do things on the checklist, I can mark them off. You can even set it to hide completed items on the checklist.

When I’m done with an item on my to do list, I click and drag the card to the Done list (which is offscreen on the far right). If you don’t want a visible Done list, you can also just archive a card and it will disappear from the board.

You can also set due dates on cards, which will notify you when they’re almost due or when the due date arrives.

Customization

One of my favorite things about Trello is that you can customize the appearance of your boards! My ADHD brain can’t stand looking at the same thing constantly, so it’s great that I can change things up. Each board can have its own design too, so you can match the vibes of the board with the appearance.

You can pick from a bunch of solid colors for your board or you can use the connection Trello has with Unsplash to search and select free stock images provided by photographers.

Other Parts of Organization

Not only do you have boards, lists, and cards, you can also make Workspaces, which are basically categories to sort your boards into. If you use Trello for projects, and have a board for each project, you can sort your boards into a Projects workspace.

There is also a function called Butler, which you can use to automate boards. For example, you can set it to automatically create a card called “Pay Rent” at the start of each month.

On the right, in the same sidebar where you can see the background options, there’s also an activity feed, tracking every time a card is moved, commented on, added, archived, and so on.

Team Work

Not only is Trello great for keeping private boards, you can also invite people to them! That makes it incredible for household management, group projects, or even friend groups who feel like storing plans and personalized memes. You can literally use it for whatever you want and in whatever way you want!

ADHD Applications

So, now let’s get down into the specifics of how this is great for people with ADHD.

You can make as many boards, lists, and cards as you want.

This is a big one for me, because I really struggle with websites that limit how much you can do with one account and force you to make multiples and then juggle multiple logins and so on. Start a new project? Make a new board. Follow your heart. Be free. If you end up giving up on it, just delete it, or store it for later. You can Star the boards you actively use and just use the Star list to access the boards you need, so if you star all your active ones and then ignore the unstarred, failed projects, you can leave them to rot or abandon them until the mood strikes again.

You can organize in a way that works for you.

So many organization applications are made to work one way and that can be really difficult to navigate as someone with ADHD. So many people with ADHD have such specific needs in regards to how they organize that it can be really hard to find something that works. Half the time we end up just scrambling around from application to application, cursing them as we go because one has one thing we like, but it doesn’t have the thing this other one has that we like and nothing ever seems to just work.

Trello makes it possible to personalize how you organize and even change how you organize halfway through. I keep my to do list organized in 4 priority levels with the addition of a Pin list and a Done list. You could also:

Keep a list that works as a calendar, with a card for each entry, organized in order of date

Keep a list of reminders where automated weekly/monthly/yearly responsibilities pop up

Jot down reminders as you think of them

Keep lists of school assignments in the order they’re due

Use descriptions and photo uploads on cards to collect information or resources needed for said assignments

Keep lists of information that’s easy to forget or lose track of on paper like address history, work history, references, contact information, and so on (like I’ve done on my ‘Pin’ list)

Use boards for projects, to keep track of things like resources, due dates, meeting times, sending files between classmates or project partners, and so on

Use boards for planning events like weddings, parties, conferences, school dances, or whatever else you’re into

Collect resources, references, or recreational to-dos (like links to fanfiction you want to read)

Literally anything

You can separate everything onto different boards, making everything visible from the titles of cards, or combine it all into one, with lots of information available on a click

The sky’s the limit

You can automate repeat tasks.

ADHD comes with a lot of forgetfulness when it comes to regular tasks, such as weekly appointments, medication reminders, and a yearly charge for your Nintendo membership. You can put that stuff into your calendar, but that can also be tricky because then you have information spread across multiple platforms.

Just as easily, you can set Butler to make new cards with reminders on them.

There’s probably more but I have ADHD and I forgot

Just think of the possibilities!!

I used to get debilitatingly stressed out because I would have 10 things floating around in my head because I was simultaneously trying not to forget them and also stressing about them and I would make what I call “spaghetti lists” where I would list all the things I’m thinking of, just as a way to calm down and know that I won’t forget them, so that my brain could quiet down.

Since starting this board, I haven’t had to do that once because all of the things I’m afraid of forgetting are already listed, even if they’re on the list titled ‘ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ‘ because idk if they’re ever actually gonna happen.

It can be incredibly stressful to see all of your to do items in one place, but since starting this, I have been less stressed overall, because I now know I can find them all in that one place. Learning to manage and cope with the stress of knowing I have a lot to do is easier than forgetting things and then realizing I’m late on something or things just never happening because I never remember them when I’m in a place where I can work on them.

And when you have everything in one place to reference when you have some executive energy, you can suddenly just start doing things. I have them labeled by type so I can go, “I’m in the mood to draw,” and then check all the dark blue labels for creative projects. It makes everything so much easier.

Anyway, I hope this is helpful to some of you, it’s genuinely been life changing for me

[leviiattacks]

hi hi hi i really really really loved your jealous headcanon of levi and your teacher levi!!! i was wondering if i could maybe request something where you kinda mix the two(?) so like theres this event going on in school and the reader is very occupied and busy because shes paying attention to her students and then maybe she talks to some teachers about the event and then levi is just there secretly sulking cause he wants her attention too?? or idk you do you because your works are always soooooooo good thank you<3333

author note :: i did not stick to the prompt which was honestly an accident?/£/):7 but there is jealous levi and reader so i hope it workssss, it’s not that great and isn’t edited...but i hope you enjoy it :-( also thank you for the request you were very kind <3

for this to make more sense you’ll probably have to read my first ever teacher levi post which you can find here !!!!!

requests are always open :-)

word count :: 4.3k ???? longer than i expected ???? 

levi groans at the mention of sports day before turning to look at you dead in the eyes

he knows this is your doing, you’ve always been big on getting the children into sport and other extracurriculars

now see, he has no actual issue with sports day?? he’s pretty fit if he says so himself!!!

it’s just that he frankly does not have the effort to participate.

another part of him also feels frustrated seeing mike flock around you like an annoying bee

he’s asking all sorts of questions

“are we doing the three legged race again this year?”

“how about javelin?”

“HAHA...mike...”

levi takes one look at you and knows you’re trying to let him down softly, it is his favourite event after all.

“since last year’s fiasco and the way you nearly hit one of the sixth graders i think not.” you awkwardly chuckle patting his shoulder as if it’s any consolation

mike loves sports day, he’s competitive in all of the teacher only events and last year he even tripped you and levi up ON PURPOSE might you add

either way he still lost the teacher’s three legged race last year and ever since he’s been out to gain his title back.

levi remembers, he’s unsure if you do but he remembers vividly having to carry you on his back because you had sprained your ankle pretty badly after your collision with mike.

back then you and levi were still in the middle of your little math vs english debate meaning the whole walk to the infirmary was filled with bickering.

and when levi had placed you onto one of the beds you insisted you could treat yourself when you really couldn’t

the way that scenario ended had been with levi forcing you to place your foot onto his knee as he iced and tended to it

this year levi is not having any repeats of that. yes, he quite liked having some alone time with you, in fact it was one of the first times he stopped to wonder if he liked you.

BUT!!!! having you limp around the corridors wasn’t the best either and you were highly irritable until you were fully healed

“why don’t you actually try this year?” hange stifles a laugh, they’re stood to levi’s left and upon hearing their voice his shoulders sag. he knows he’s in for one hell of an earful

“i do try–”

“yeah whatever. anyway, you want a cupcake?” hange’s gesturing to the haphazardly iced buns in the four plastic containers in their hands

“these are for the bake sale!!” they add in enthusiastically.

levi’s about to shake his head, he’s already donated to the bake sale’s charity fund without paying for any of the baked goods. yes it is purely because he doesn’t trust hange to feed him anything edible

“they’re y/n’s batch :-)” hange’s wickedly grinning knowing they’ve hit their colleagues weakness

without another thought levi’s right hand dives into one of his pockets, fishing his wallet out. he places a few spare coins into hange’s palm

“wOAH, you’re pretty eager aren’t ya??”

their remark flies over levi’s head as he tries to pick out two of the most presentable cupcakes

“you’re so fond of y/n, why not try a little harder like i said?” hange’s thrown the bait in the river and levi completely falls for it. he turns ninety degrees completely forgetting about the cupcakes.

“i’m talking about sport’s day if it isn’t obvious.”

he faces hange directly. he scowls twisted in fake disgust and confusion all at once

“and why would i care about that?” he shoots back

“after walking in on the both of you touching each other up in the janitor’s closet i’m really surprised you’re — mMMPH—” levi’s shoved one of the cupcakes into hange’s mouth

“you’re gonna have to pay for that–”

levi smacks some more money into their palm to appease the issue

“when did you see that and have you told anyone else?” he’s seething right now, there’s no way he or you were unable to notice someone as loud as hange prance into the storage cupboard accidentally

“i haven’t told anyone but it has only been three days since i saw so who knowsss...”

“i’ll do anything for you to keep your mouth shut.” levi’s practically begging at this point

“i think you should buy a whole box of cupcakes as compensation. my eyes will never be the same again.”

levi hands over more than enough money, he’s probably handed over enough for two boxes just for extra measure

it’s not that he’s embarrassed of you or anything no, no, not at all. he just, this sounds so stupid but he isn’t sure what the two of you are????

you’ve kissed, A LOT but the only problem is that there’s never actually been confirmation of... something more? than that?

he’s simply horrible at asking, and seeing the way you’re talking to mike it’s almost getting to the stage of borderline flirting

he’s currently flexing one of his muscles and levi’s unsure if you’re actually gawking at them or feigning interest so mike can get bored and leave sooner

his bets are on you pretending for the sake of mike leaving until you reach out to squeeze his arm appreciatively

...

what is this feeling??

insecurity?? a low self esteem??? levi isn’t entirely sure what the emotion that surges through him at that moment is

but hange sure does, grinning at the scene playing out they shove moblit with their elbow

well, well, well levi getting jealous is certainly something new.

when levi knocks on the door of your classroom you assume he’s come to bother you and ask for the spreadsheet with grade averages and all that technical stuff

english and math grades need to be compared side by side and even though it’s your job to help with the data analysis you’re pretty bad at it so levi’s the one who USUALLY picks up the pieces and does it for the two of you

occasionally mike steps in and helps when levi’s got other stuff in the way

“oh levi!! mike told me he’d be doing this month’s spreadsheet?” you’ve poked your head out of the door to talk to him

levi’s eyes narrow at that because he hasn’t asked mike for help at all.

“i didn’t come here for the spreadsheet but i haven’t even told mike to assist me this month... i wonder why he’s so passionate.” he mumbles the last part under his breath

opening the door up you wave for him to come inside “what you here for then?” you ask, oOoh maybe he’s finished reading an inspector calls?? finally you can talk to someone about the twist at the end

“i’m taking part in sports day properly.” the statement is unexpected and ?? levi ?? take anything other than math seriously ??

“woah... i’m proud of you?? i’m glad you’re seeing it’s important to show the children physical activity is fun.” your smile brightens up the entire room and he begins to feel a little more confident

peering up at him your curiosity doesn’t go unnoticed and he clears his throat, he knows you’re expecting him to say something else

ok, ok, ok. he thinks he’s built enough courage up to ask you

“i’ve never got the chance to ask but would you like to go on a date?” on reflex levi screws his eyes shut, suddenly he’s convinced you’ll say no and reject him. why would you accept??

“sure!”

his eyes flutter open and he feels you grip at the sleeve of his shirt.

well? that went better than he expected?

“where do you want to go?” you ask

“doesn’t matter, but let’s go somewhere after sports day finishes up.”

“are you barely going to try like last year?” you’re munching away at a granola bar - it’s rather bland and makes your throat feel kinda scratchy

you’re midway through drinking some water to deal with the dryness but you nearly spit it out when levi responds

“no. i plan on winning every single teacher event.”

HE WANTS TO??? beat???? everyone???

“you’re planning on beating mike too?” you tilt your head to the side incredulously

levi purses his lips at the mention of his name

“why does that sound so absurd to you?”

“he’s um, very good at sport that’s all.”

“i am too.” levi’s adamant to prove his point to you

“fine, here’s a deal. win at least one teacher event and i’ll try and solve one of your funny math problems or whatever.”

“what kind of deal is that??”

“you’ll be able to see me struggle with numbers, for free!!”

“no. i have something better in mind.” levi bites his smile back, he can’t let you know the idea makes him feel

“and that would be?”

he takes a step forward decreasing the space between the two of you.

“how about you kiss me in front of everyone?”

your mouth falls open because oh wow....? you have no actual problem with the task you’re simply surprised that levi is willing to put the both of you out there like that. the spectacle is bound to raise some eyebrows

“deal?” he holds his hand out for you to shake

you nod your head. “it’s a pleasure doing business with you.”

and so your deal is sealed with a firm handshake.

the big day has ARRIVED!!!

all of the students are flooding in through the gates. some carry footballs, other basketballs. you’ve been here for less than ten minutes and had to save a ball from crashing right into an expensive window.

everyone’s wearing active gear, udo walks in with a ski mask on?? which is peculiar but it’s humorous so you don’t tell him off for it

you’ve chosen a comfortable olive green tracksuit, you don’t think you’re in the mood for ski masks like udo is

coincidentally levi happens to show up in the EXACT same type of tracksuit?? everything’s the same to the colour. you both stare at each other for a moment trying to figure out how exactly you managed that but give up, you guess you have similar tastes

the accidental coordinated outfits have a few of your students pointing and chuckling together

gabi and falco are laughing heartily and whispering god knows what about the two of you

“three legged race partner?” levi asks as he fills up some water bottles for the water stand

“oh? mike asked me to be his partner.”

levi doesn’t make it obvious that he’s jealous about it because what adult would be jealous over a three legged race??

but even if you can’t tell levi is pissed mike sure can

he’s walking past the two of you, hands shoved into his pockets when he spots you a few meters away. his eyes sparkle when he sees you. it’s at that moment he senses the dark piercing glare coming from your right.

you’ve yet to notice mike but levi’s seen him approaching from a mile away and he isn’t particularly happy about it.

the good thing about mike is that he knows not to mess with levi.

the two have known each other for years and by now mike knows messing with levi is a death wish in itself.

so when the poor physical ed teacher notices the way levi glowers at him he calls out your name to get your attention - he’s much too afraid to get anywhere near you

“Y/N!!”

whipping your head around you wave at your race partner, why does it look like he’s seen a ghost?? you shove that thought to the back of your mind, he’s probably just tired

“petra doesn’t have a partner and uhh... i think levi’s free. could you work with him instead?”

levi turns away to smile to himself. ah how the tables have turned!!!

“but i want to work with you? it’s always y/n and levi do this. y/n and levi do that!! i wanna try with someone else.”

what you’ve said is a lie. honestly you’d just like to see levi get worked up again

but levi doesn’t get the memo at all. it flies over his head and he huffs thinking if that’s what you want he doesn’t mind. he’ll just show you how he feels.

“it’s okay. i’ll go with petra.” levi nonchalantly salutes at both you and mike as he walks backwards before turning around to locate the ginger in question

WHY DID HE GIVE IN SO EASILY???? YOU WERE JOKING?????

with your mouth open wide mike looks at you once and puts the pieces together

“guessing you wanted him to stick around?” you suddenly hear and god, you feel kinda bad

“oh no!!! i would love to be your partner.” looping your arm with his you smile up at him

whether or not mike believes you isn’t clear but he does return your smile.

there’s a few minutes till the three legged race starts, everyone’s running around. erwin’s knelt down to tie yours and mike’s legs together

as he’s doing so you can’t help but hear a high pitched windshieldy giggle leave petra and you visibly seem annoyed. that’s if your arms crossed over your chest and clenched jaw are anything to go by

levi hasn’t even said anything notably funny ???? what is she laughing at ????

he’s quite literally just standing there making awkward small talk with her

it goes something like this

“have you marked your exams yet?”

levi doesn’t realise she’s said anything till she taps his shoulder and he asks for her to repeat her question

“oh.” he thinks for a while. “no not yet. i’ve got better shit to do. i don’t see them till next week either way.”

and then she just starts laughing so hard that she has to hold her knees and when that isn’t enough she holds onto a nearby pole for support

you see where this is going

when her breathing gets even more uneven she reaches out to grab levi’s upper arm

YUP. you knew it. you can’t be mad at her really. no one knows you and levi are sort of a thing.

a thing? is that the term? well, whatever late night calls discussing books and a few heated kisses in private mean that’s what you are

levi stares at the hold she has on his arm and you expect him to shrug her off. instead he sees you look, smirks a little and waves all the while letting her hand stay there

and the icing on the cake is petra waving at you too and her eyes are much more expressive than she thinks they are

she’s internally laughing at you for sure.

ok, not a big deal, NOT a big deal!!!

this is just him getting back at you for before.

flipping your head back your sad expression probably catches mike’s attention because he seems to cave in

“want to make him jealous back?”

his suggestion is interesting but you catch yourself second guessing

“he’s doing that because he’s jealous.” you mumble shaking your leg to test the strength of erwin’s knot

“and? don’t let him win.” he glances at his shoulder gesturing for you to make the next move

nodding your head vigorously you throw your arm over mike’s shoulder but find he’s too tall to make that work so instead you settle on holding him by the side

it takes you a little to adjust to the close proximity but in the time it takes you to do that mike informs you of levi glaring at the two of you

“mind if i hold onto you here? we can coordinate our moves faster!!!” petra doesn’t even wait for levi to agree to what she says. she just flings one of her arms around his torso

again, he lets her just as last time.

this game of cat and mouse is getting tiring, maybe you should have kept your mouth shut when mike approached you.

“ON YOUR MARKS.”

your senses snap back to where you are. your grip on mike’s torso firms and he turns to nod at you.

you nod back.

you’ll win this.

“GET SET.”

“AND GO!”

okay, SO.

something in your game plan must have gone wrong but mike’s strength is something you’ve clearly underestimated. his first step is so powerful you don’t even have the time to start moving

you assume that’s how you collapse to the ground behind him and scrape your hands onto the cement of the track

so much for winning. all you’re doing is bleeding and hissing trying to cope with the stinging sensation

“mike?!?? not again??” hange groans and jogs over to the two of you untying the ropes at your legs.

“do we have to ban you from another event??? you’re too reckless sometimes.” hange smacks his chest and then hurriedly whispers “levi’s coming this way if you value your life you better bolt and use the first aid kit as an excuse.”

mike doesn’t even debate with himself, that’s his best bet at staying alive and so he dashes away as if he’s left the shower on at home for five hours unattended

some students are murmuring under their breaths and luckily for you the forever reliable gabi and falco have come to your rescue with bandages

“show me your hands.” levi’s hard voice interrupts all discussion. petra’s stood peering over his shoulder and you swear you catch her muffling a laugh

levi frowns. “you good?” he asks. you assume this answer will be the deciding factor regarding whether or not he makes this an issue with mike

“i’m great – trust me!! just a few scrapes.”

levi doesn’t look convinced but he let’s it go.

he helps you get up and takes the bandages from gabi thanking her.

“i’ll patch y/n up.” he tells hange pointedly and they agree. moblit at that moment happens to run over with a megaphone in hand.

“SHOWS OVER FOLKS!! WE’LL MOVE ON TO THE JUMP ROPE EVENT FOR NOW!!!”

“i’ll make him lose the one hundred meter sprint so badly he won’t know what hit him.” levi’s been grumbling the entire time he’s sat down to bandage your hands.

now that you’re both sat close to each other again murmurs of “matching tracksuits??” are back

“you don’t have to it was a mistake levi.”

levi shrugs eyes scanning his handiwork. “i want to. i’ve got to earn my kiss in front of a crowd anyway.”

gently letting go of your hand he looks out onto the track waiting to be called.

you’ve never seen levi give his full effort into sports day but even then you’re unsure if he’ll ever be able to beat mike.

honestly mike sure is fast and you recall one of the children referring to him with the nickname lightening bolt

and speak of the devil. a group of children walk past and are talking about the teacher’s race

“mr bolt’s gonna win for sure. you seen him run?? he could be an olympian!!!!” zofia’s gushing about him, she happens to be a big fan

the only nickname you’ve ever heard for levi is ursula – “ursula sure is evil for giving us that much work >:(” you had heard udo say once during class but after the earful he got from gabi he never used the name again, neither did anyone else

a few more minutes pass in a comfortable silence and levi’s called over to his lane. you’ve accepted the fact that there’s no changing his mind and he’s bound to compete now

“wait for me by the finish line.” he instructs and so you do. you go your separate paths. he to his lane (he’s in the lane two) and you to the finish line

petra’s already standing there waiting. her elbows are propped onto the railing peering out towards the contestants.

making your way to stand with her you see her sigh dreamily at levi in the distance

“hey, i know you don’t like levi a whole lot. you know your fued and all but do you think he’d say yes if i asked him out?”

well.

that sure is unexpected.

you fight the urge to scoff because you know you and levi are starting to drop more hints. is this her way of finding out the truth?

“me and levi don’t hate each other actually.”

“oh, well dislike.”

“we don’t dislike each other.”

“tolerate?” she takes her bottom lip in between her teeth trying to control her frustration

“petra. i like levi.” your confession knocks the wind out of her. you both silently exchange looks. she’s very clearly in disbelief.

the next time she speaks the previous playful lilt in her voice is long gone

“as soon as you noticed i liked him you just had to decide you liked him too. people like you make my skin crawl.”

?????????

why is she so bitter?.)/&£:

you can’t help liking levi and he likes you too,, so what now??

“he likes me back petra. can we be civil about this? i don’t like workplace drama. i had no idea you were into him.” you’re hoping that this will happen to shut her up but NO!!! it doesn’t she’s only more mouthy now

“prove it.” she points one of her manicured fingers into your chest and demands evidence she doesn’t even deserve to see

“what???”

“if he likes you back so much he should be able to show it.”

you know, if it were any day, any other time or any other person asking you this you would have out right refused, but given the circumstances and levi already waiting on you to kiss him in front of the entirety of the school you see no issue with having the last laugh in this argument

“fair enough.” you mutter and lean over to see hange announce the countdown

“ON YOUR MARKS.”

“GET SET.”

“AND GO!!!”

you swear you blink because GOD what on EARTH????? you don’t understand why previous to this levi balked at the thought of participating because he’s made it look so easy.

he’s not bolted he may as well have TELEPORTED to the finish line. mike is breaking out in a sweat far behind him and the boyish grin on levi’s face is enough to tell how he feels

gasps and applause can be heard from the children. zofia and udo are passionately arguing about some bet they’ve made - you make a mental note to tell them that making deals is fun as long as they don’t bet large amounts of money

levi’s jogging up to you completely ignoring petra’s presence

“told you i’d do it. i avenged you didn’t i?” you don’t think you’ve ever seen him smile so confidently in public 

you acknowledge what he’s said with a cartoon like thumbs up and then you’re staring at him unable to locate your courage

oh fuck it

you lean in hurriedly and steal a peck from him. he blinks and then scowls much to petra’s amusement. she has to think he’s about to curse you out but unbeknownst to her she’s read the situation wrong

“is that your idea of a kiss??”

and then he takes matters into his own hands – no literally into his own hands. he cups your face in his palms and captures your lips with his own. as you reciprocate petra can be heard choking on her saliva.

“OH well who would’ve guessed the english and math department had an alliance????? not me???” next is hange, they’re feigning shock even though they’ve known what the two of you have been up to this entire time

the whispers have now become full on shouts

“i KNEW it they were dating?!?!”

“MAN??? I HAD A CRUSH ON MR ACKERMAN WHAT NOW???”

gabi and falco are audibly cheering, you’re quite sure they realised what was up long ago

“DON’T BE UPSET BUT I THINK THIS IS WAYYY BETTER THAN PRIDE AND PREJUDICE!!!!” falco’s comment makes your heart rise in your chest

and you know what? you think so too.

as levi’s hand travels to the back of your neck pressing you further into him you come to the conclusion that maybe just maybe this is far better than pride and prejudice ever will be :-)

[dramarising-replacement]

G1 Hoarder Revamp and the Mountain of Salt

Can we all just acknowledge how much of a total fuck up the new G1 ping system is? I feel bad because they obviously went through so much work and beta testing for this system but it’s absolutely garbage in practice. This isn’t meant as a huge roast (even though I do think the creators could do with getting knocked down a few pegs given how poorly they’ve treated people through this entire process, oops) but I hope they at least see this and see things that they can work on. Obviously, going to them and sharing this stuff in person isn’t possible since L from arcane is notorious for gossiping and overall not super trustworthy, so anon route we go. I’ll give credit where credit is due: they definitely tried to go on the right path and the coding is good in theory. The big issue here is that they tried to fix something that was not great but worked with something that is not great and barely works. Sure there are some good things about the new ping system: if it’s not busy it’s not longer than six or seven minutes to do all of it for a few dragons, which, compared to the previous method? Pretty good timing. Helps automatically tag some colorgroups without having people confused about if their dragon counts or not, and uh... probably something else. The cons far outweigh the pros though: -sheet can only be used one at a time: terrible in theory, terrible in practice, there’s no queue system either so you’re not even guaranteed to go next even if you’ve been waiting ages. This becomes a nightmare around any holiday, as we’ve seen around notn, since everyone flocks to the ping generator and then quickly abandons after seeing the mess there. This should have been something that they found a way to work with from the start, especially since the previous spreadsheet, despite how long it took to sift through if you were actually assed to do all the specifics, could still be used by multiple people. -userface issues: going into the spreadsheet and it may all just be blank, does this mean someone’s using it? Someone isn’t? If you go ahead and assume not you’re going to get warned that you overrode someone since they get the ID to your dragon, if you don’t assume then you end up waiting for ages like an idiot and someone else swoops up the opportunity. The loading bar on the side doesn’t help give that info either since it constantly reloads due to the poorly planned code. Where users have their cells selected also doesn’t help since that isn’t always accurate. There are many times where the loading bar isn’t seen going, there isn’t any visible text on the screen, no comment in the box, but it’s still in use. This isn’t viable for anyone, especially not people who don’t fully understand how the system works. If you’re going to make it for only one person’s use at a time, you need to ensure it’s easier to see what’s going on for everyone. -laggy as all get out: sure, I don’t have to go through 15 pages of different types of pings on the old G1 pinglist and shovel through all the duplicates and specifics list people, but having more than 13 dragons or even doing a bigger lair sale (or even just anything during notn) means you get to wait for the program to chug away for ages (as well as the easy chance for someone to just cut in halfway through a load and have you start all over again or wait) and hope that the three people behind you don’t get impatient or angry as you have to do three separate input sessions rather than massing them all together as you could with the previous spreadsheet. -poorly designed aesthetically: maybe this may sound petty to some, but the design of the system is pretty terrible in terms of layout and color choice. This isn’t to say it’s just ugly though; after speaking about it with people who aren’t neurotypical, have disordered thinking processes, and/or have generalized issues reading things (autism spectrum, dyslexia, semi-visually impaired, etc.) it’s pretty clear that the entire thing is not accessible whatsoever for anyone who can’t immediately decipher what anything is. Black text on bright red is not a good thing for most people beyond old MySpace edgies. If you, as someone without reading or comprehension difficulties, are having a difficult time focusing on it: maybe consider how difficult it’d be for anyone else. The way the rules or tutorial section is laid out also does not help in terms of accessibility! It’s clunky and hard to read, does not flow well, and doesn’t explain as thoroughly as you may think. If you’re someone who uses coded spreadsheets often? Yeah sure, it might be understood. If you’re not? Welp. Good luck kiddo. -very poor user help: this is on the mods or creators more than the spreadsheet itself. If someone has a problem, the first thing you should do is talk with them to find the difficulty and tackle it from there. I’ve seen, multiple times now, where either N (plague) or L (arcane) straight up tell people that they can’t help them and that they should just read the guide on the front page. Like sure, they read them, but something is tricky for them and they’re asking for help. They can read the rules and guide again but without outside help, guess what? Not gonna help them. If you just keep linking them the forum or telling them to read the first page it won’t actually help anyone! One of your jobs as the creators here is to help the community that you made it for, not just parrot that they need to read. Be better. Add that to a system which is not forgiving of any mistakes whatsoever and it becomes a terrible little cocktail. Also does not help that, despite their sugar attitude about having people test it in discord servers, the creators l and r/p (both arcane) don’t actually help people who need help using it. -wait times/queue: this ties in to an earlier point, but there’s no way to organize who goes next. Sure, it might sound strange, but when you have to wait ages to get access despite you being there ahead of anon llama/drama/dingdong/animal because they can all hop in ahead of you, it becomes frustrating. People don’t always type in that itty bitty box to say what they’re doing, and people easily erase it or write over it, or they just outright ignore it. Obviously not everyone is going to do that, but it’s way too easy for people who are greedy/entitled to step over those who are being polite and patient. -no quick ping options this is also kind of minor, but at least with the old spreadsheet you could just click in and say “okay, I just want to ping XXY general for this because I have a quick sale.” Guess what: nah. You have to go through the entire chugging process and queue and everything else just to get that snippet of information on who to ping. What once took maybe five clicks is now five minutes to thirty depending on how many people are using it. Wanna quick check if a dragon with XYZ colours you hatched is one that someone wants specifically? Nah, fuck you. You have to input all the data and wait instead of just doing what was once a super easy quick search. There is so much other shit wrong with this system and I’m honestly surprised N (plague) allowed them to do this. Sure, the old pinglist could have done with some updating, but that should have been done in the form of clearing redundant double pings, maybe a way to sort through specifics like ‘male only’ and mass copy names there. Quality of life things, not this just... total mess. I understand that L and R/P got it into their heads that they needed to fix it and that they wanted to take over the entire system themselves, but they should have kept their pride out of it for once. The sheet to input what dragons you want is also another entire nightmare. It’s frustrating to go through the google poll a dozen times to say exactly what colors/eyes/gender/pasta-shape/siesta-fiesta under the sun you want rather than have a quick way to input it by drop-downs or even just a text based option like the old one had. It’s so easy to forget what you put in or which one you want to put in this time, so easy to end up making mistakes that you don’t see, etc. It’s just not an effective system. It’s great in theory, and sure, it’s all sparkly and new, but it’s like admiring an aluminum trash can. Shiny and sparkly under the sun, still holding a whole lot of hot garbage though. I understand that some people may find it easier, and that’s great! I’ve used it for a few things and yeah, it’s okay, but I wish the old one was back given all the grief and frustration this one has caused. Obviously I’m not in the place to be like DO THIS OR DO THAT since I’m not the one making the sheet here, but I do feel like the people who use it have every right to give commentary and feedback where possible. Even moreso when the creators and team aren’t actually as welcoming as they try to appear to be. As much as it sucks, a lot of L and R/P’s (primarily L) false niceties have kind of come to the surface lately which makes this whole situation just that much more awkward. If people don’t feel like they can approach you because they know you’ll rip into them here or on the anon site immediately, maybe you shouldn’t be a main creator of something for the user base or a mod for a bigger group. Just some side-thought to all this other stuff. Big post, big rambles, I can’t bring myself to organise it though because I’m pretty fed up and tired. Take from this what you may, but basically fix your shit new G1 Hoarder peeps.

[nightklok]

Writing Prompt! 1-4!

Fun Meta Asks for Writers

This turned out long I’m sorry sdflkj

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  –   what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

God I have quite a ton but I’m gonna narrow it down to at least four-

Planet Rain: I had this idea for a long time of the prophecy possibly requiring Charles to be stabbed by one of the boys, this being Pickles-Now it’s mainly about the prophecy actually never being finished because none of their incarnations made it past that so they have to restart the prophecy to try and progress further. Three chapters of sadness and angst but there’s a bittersweet ending at least! I guess I just love how it’s something I kinda need to write; it feels like those fics that just give you the comfort or vent you may need and it does just that!

Charles’ guitars headcanon: Inspired by the extras where Charles mentions owning a guitar, it goes from the first to the last guitar (as of 2006) he received, bought, or was gifted and was either kept or taken from him in some way or another. I think it’s the research on guitars and the era/pop culture of the time that really slows it down (but I’ve gotten into Johnny Carson and Huey Lewis because of this!) but I think it’s just fascinating getting to learn about that and what songs, tv, celebrities he would’ve grown up with! I don’t know if anyone else headcanons it, but I did also research what it was like growing up with autism that slipped under the radar and it’s amazing to find just how relatable the stories were even for 2020 (which I guess just means that society probably hasn’t really progressed on treating people with autism but that’s probably another discussion-) I just love how much I’m learning because of this fic and hopefully it will be accurate enough-

Before We Die: Another idea I’ve had for a long time! Basically just taking the concept of Pickles’ reaction to Charles’ return after nine months but making it more sad and angsty because I feel like with Pickles, he can be either happy and forget everything he suffered those nine months or completely remember it and be so emotionally distraught-I’m just going with the latter-It’s probably a fic that’s difficult to write just by being unsure how to go about it. I am quite a number of words in though (about 10,000-) I think it’s just definitely an idea I really love and it’s one of those stories where I never thought it would end up being so expanded and detailed on-it’s taking longer than I expected but I still love it all the same!

Chickles bakery AU fic i’ve talked about like five hundred times and actually writing this time: Anytime I talk about this I end up adding more and i think this is the final time I’m adding more to this-but basically the premise is Pickles takes the wrong bus and goes to New York instead of California. Eventually, he finds a job at a local french bakery in a collegetown, and does meet Nathan, Skwisgaar, and Magnus. Through them, he’ll meet Charles and they just end up slowly bonding over the uncertainity of the future and music. And then there’s probably a chapter or two where they go to Wildwood, NJ because I say so but I’m sure that’ll be a central part of  the story probably it’s not just the yearning talking no it’s not-I did manage to outline this story and I guess it’s outdated but I hopefully will be able to write at least chapter one and publish it otherwise I may never will-I think it’s just fun getting to learn about the 80s life in new York/New Jersey and getting to see what I can use from personal experiences there!

This did inspire me to make a spreadsheet of the fics I have in progress so here’s my google spreadsheet of (most of) the fics I’m working on far! I am still in the process of working on this and if I’m still planning to write whatever I had initially planned on last trope bingo, it might expand to 20 possibly-

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

I think I’m just gonna put this for general as I feel I answered it above! But honestly, I think it’s just getting to putting my ideas into words! The outlining and drafting process is one thing I’m especially looking forward to as it means I’m one step closer to finishing these hellscapes of never finished fics :’)

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

I think it’s just gotta be smut in general? Because man that looks fun to write but I’m not sure how to actually incorporate that into my writing-I did actually write one out of context smut scene that ended up inspiring Before We Die but now I’m just unsure about even including it there because it doesn’t really fit the tone anymore or at least I don’t think it does-I’ll just attach what I wrote here. And let anyone judge this or something- (This is highkey NSFW but there is some slight story to it that I think you can easily gather from what I summed up earlier and what’s provided. The only warning is that it’s not gonna end happy-)

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

I’m sure it’d be better if I used something that’s actually being published or something but it was this paragraph that I quickly thought of so here’s this paragraph-

There was for a moment that vulnerability once again. For just a moment, he was just some scared teenager like him from a tough home life trying to figure himself out. He wasn't the rebellious and over-confident singer of a band that was slowly tearing itself apart between the headlines. It would be a moment forever ingrained in Charles' mind as vivid and clear as his childhood home. 

This is one of the earlier fics I wrote back in March and with no real clear idea or anything like that but it’s kinda special to me! I don’t think it’s the first Chickles fic technically but I think this helped me figure out how to write them and their relationship, especially in the past. I feel like a lot of us (even myself) forget that Pickles was 16 when he joined Snakes N’ Barrels and he’s still basically baby-I think that much pressure and fame toppled with the drugs and alcohol he consumed made it a lot to handle for him. He must’ve had to hide whatever he felt for the sake of being famous all while being taken advantage of by an industry that saw his flaws and quickly took control of whatever cracks he couldn’t hide. Having someone, like Charles, I think would’ve just been nice for Pickles to have because he would’ve provided the balance in his life and been the person he could actually be himself around. And Pickles in turn would do the same to Charles-I’m gonna stop myself before i pull out a full essay but honestly I think I might be able to at least breathe life into that paragraph and have it part of a full blown fic-hopefully-:’)

[sturlsons]

french in 1.5 years anon

Kinda random but I just found out that I’ll be required to be intermediate/advanced in French by the next 1.5 years; ALL I KNOW IS THAT MEIRDE IS A BAD BAD WORD! Idk if you’re a native speaker but I was wondering if you could provide me of any good French language resources (or language in general since I’ll be needing to learn Arabic soon as well), and like tips for language learning and how to go about it? Sorry to bother you haha this is MY stress but I appreciate any help! Have a great day!

HEY. so i really fucking dropped the ball on this one, i’m sorry. 2019 has been one health fiasco after another (or more like the same fiasco again and again) and i kept telling myself i want to sit down and make a proper post for this, until i realised that that’s just never going to happen given the way things are rn. and i’d rather give you a quickly-written post which is actually helpful than never write that perfect bullet-pointed one. 

first of all, i’ve been in your EXACT position (so no, i’m not a native speaker) except i had about...six months to go from je m’appelle teesta to voyez-vous, le problème qui se cache derrière tout ça n’est pas le manque de respect mais la personne dont il s’agit or whatever. i was like, i can so do this. (spoiler: i didn’t, because i was 18 and overconfident and stupid and didn’t actually know how to learn a language.) GOOD NEWS: having learned 3 more foreign languages since then, i am now REALLY GOOD at learning languages REALLY FAST. 1.5 years is a good amount of time, so don’t stress.

i’m going to go generic on this, with some extra tips about french since i speak it, unlike arabic. 

first thing, that typical thing everyone hates to hear but knows is coming from the mouth of an accomplished person (pat on my back) in any field whatsoever: you’re going to have to work really hard and practice like fuck. 

there’s just nothing else that can replace it. i’ve filled up notebooks and notebooks with japanese verb conjugations, once i did like 1800 of them in one sitting. but you better believe that a bitch will never forget those now. resign yourself to putting in at least three hours of your day to this until you get to the level you need. (and three hours is...kind. at my peak i was literally reading through french dictionaries at the library, 10 AM - 8 PM. i treated it like a workday.)

now, what you need to establish is: are you a hands-on learner or a digital one. 

i don’t really care for all the auditory learner and visual learner stuff, i don’t know about anyone else but i personally used those as excuses to avoid certain exercises. unless you have actual disabilities preventing you from accessing certain methods of learning, you can train yourself into anything. it’s a matter of practice. i could barely understand a new song without reading its lyrics first, now i eat up podcasts. 

SO. the question here is different. a hands-on learner, like i used to be more or less throughout my bachelor’s, is someone who absolutely cannot retain information unless they’ve written it down BY HAND at least once. pen and paper. (i’m still like this but i’ve learned to combine it with digital methods to go faster.) if this isn’t a hurdle for you, congratulations. your process is going to go that much faster, at least for french. (you’ll have to spend hours practicing your written arabic however, if you’re not familiar with the script.) 

now, if you’re a hands-on learner, you need to add an extra hour to your daily time. no matter how fast you write, you will take that time. and you cannot shorthand your way into languages. you need to understand how french is spelt, what accents it uses, that they put a space before exclamation points, question marks, and semicolons. (side tip: learn the IPA. it will be useful to you forever in language learning, at least for the romance languages.) i’m not gonna teach you how to make notes since i’ve never benefitted from copying someone else’s style, so if you don’t have a set method start establishing that. you need regularity and rhythm when you learn a language. my grammar notes look the same regardless of the language. i don’t have my french ones since it’s been years and i didn’t take good ones then anyway, but here’s my japanese and russian stuff. 

JAPANESE NOTES // RUSSIAN NOTES

now, it bears mentioning that these notes are NOT the notes i take when i don’t know shit. these are final level notes. they’re brief, idiosyncratic, and only reminders. something to refer to when i’m revising and suddenly forget a rule. the first notes i make are much more elaborate, whether they’re pretty or not. i’ve gradually lost the fucks i had about really going ham on academics so my russian notes are very messy, but my japanese ones from back in the day are magnificent. here’s a look. during lesson one i realised that japanese and my mother tongue, gujarati, are syntaxically similar as shit, and i started taking notes with references in gujarati. it sped up my learning process 2x while my french classmates were still going “BUT WHY IS IT LIKE THAT”. 

PRACTICAL GRAMMAR // THEORETICAL GRAMMAR

if you plan to learn more languages in the future, this will be so valuable. sometimes a phrase i learn in russian doesn’t make sense in its french explanation, but a phrase in english might use the same logic. bam, put down the translation in english then. you get what i’m saying? the more languages you learn, the easier it gets to learn languages. 

now if you’re a digital learner, i’ve got great news for you. duolingo and anki are your best friends. duolingo’s memed to hell and has a system that might not work for everyone, but they’ll do the brunt work of compiling grammar notes for you in the beginnings/ends of their lessons. note those down and transform them into anki flashcards, and you can learn grammar concepts without doing 20 exercises. (do those exercises if you can, though, nothing beats mindless practice.) now anki is an intimidating-looking but actually super intuitive app that basically builds digital flashcards for you and shows them to you in a rhythm based on your own learning speed. it’ll show you the front of a card, let’s say merde. you say the english translation out loud, shit, and hit enter. correct! was that easy? anki’ll show it to you in 10 minutes. hard? it’ll show you in 1 minute. super easy? merde won’t come up again until tomorrow. eventually you get so good at it that you can bury a card for 2 months. anki will also show you the same cards reversed, which is harder but trains you better. you’ll see shit and have to remember what it’s called in french, which is more difficult than you’d think it is. 

you can use anki for more than just vocab, like i mentioned. it’s a little tricky learning to convert grammar concepts into front/back flashcards, but you can do it. for example, here’s a sample of one of my russian grammar cards: 

front ^^

back once i hit enter^^

see? not that difficult. now don’t be an idiot like me who manually entered every single flashcard into anki. you can find pre-made packages online (but you can’t guarantee they’ll be correct) or you can make your own without killing your fingers. what you wanna do is open up a spreadsheet and make two columns, A for front of the card and B for back. it’ll look like this:

then you’re gonna save that spreadsheet as a .CVS (comma separated values) and import that into anki. bam, your flashcards are made for you with half the effort. there’s also a script floating around somewhere to make excel translate words automatically for you, but i don’t recommend that unless they’re really easy words. google translate can fuck up. reverso is your friend. 

you need to review your anki cards every day. it’ll take less and less time as you go along. i can review 300 russian cards in 15 minutes now. but you need to keep the rhythm going. download ankiapp and sync your cards, review them on commutes or in the hallway or whatever. trust me, it’s magic. 

apart from this, if a traditional textbook helps, go for that. i’ve always used textbooks and workbooks, more as supports than as principal methods, but it does help. it’s structured and organised and these people know how to train you. bescherelle is a good go-to for french. 

media is always a great way of immersion too, until you get to the country itself. it’ll show you how french people speak french. when i first came to france i didn’t have that experience and even though i spoke an arguably decent amount of french when i got here, it was like, if this is french then what the fuck was i learning in high school. if you like watching movies this is your chance. watch the classics first so that you can get an idea of french pop culture. amélie (though the pop culture aspect here is about shitting on it) and les intouchables, for starters. watch your favourite films, first subbed, then subbed and dubbed, then just dubbed. i watched all ten seasons of friends with french subs, it was wild. with music you want to start off with some indie-ish singers since they will universally sing softer and slower, making things easier to understand than idk, la tribu de dana. (if you’re into bts there’s a hilarious video of their baepsae choreo set to la tribu de dana.) anyway - angèle, cœur de pirate, céline dion, fréro delavega, uhhh that fucking french sufjan stevens. what’s his name. VIANNEY. don’t fucking listen to biglo and oli or like, fatal bazooka right away. you will not understand shit. i barely understand it. white people are wild. ooh listen to stromae. orelsan too, he’s a rapper but he has a relatively clean diction imo. he also sang the french opening for OPM. they call him orelsan-san in japan.

last but not the least: if you have the opportunity to interact in french with people, DO IT. native speakers will do their best to help you and be kind about it. people who learned french might sometimes be assholes from experience. it’s a whole superiority complex thing, and very hypocritical. anyway - online or IRL, wherever you can practice your french, do it. it’ll be immensely helpful. there’s nothing like the frustration of not being able to express simple things to get you motivated to get better. do your best to immerse yourself - changing the language on your devices can make a difference too. 

i think that’s all i have and again, i’m sorry for taking this long to finally deliver, thanks for your patience! if you have any specific questions don’t hesitate to hit me up, on anon or not. 

good luck - it’s not going to be the easiest but nothing is as gratifying as beginning to understand the workings of a language. you’re gonna love it!

[theroadtoindigo-go]

Undesirable Truth, Part 7

It didn’t take long for Metal to fly to Eggman’s new base. This one looked just like the old one I used to live in, only a few minor changes. For instance, the doors weren’t hydraulic anymore but had locks, magnetic if I recalled correctly, he had a few early blueprints for them in the works before I fled. As Metal landed in front of the doors that were slowly opening before us my heart started to race, now that I knew the truth, I’d be treated like a prisoner for sure. I looked behind us in hopes that my friends had followed behind, no sign of them. In a last-ditch effort, I put all my energy into thrashing and writhing as hard as I could to free myself from Metal’s grip. As a response he dug his sharp steel fingertips into the skin of my arm, I suppose he thought the pain would deter me. I tugged harder and tried to slip through his hold, I could feel the points of his claws tearing into my flesh. It was time for me to claw back! I reached up and tore at the exposed wiring on Metal’s shoulder and ripped it loose. His arm went limp and I made a run for it. He was quick to chase me down but I threw a rock at his chest, right where his battery should be, in hope of knocking it loose inside his shell. That, at the very least, slowed him down. I made it back into the forest we came from and ran the trail to the village. Metal shambled behind me methodically, not once taking his eyes off me. He had to move slowly or else risk shaking his battery completely free. He knew I would reach a dead end soon, but I had the strongest hope that I would reach my friends in time.

               I ran as far as I could until I reached a cliff face, there was no way I could climb it before Metal reached me. I was done for. As I looked back at Metal, I noticed a spot of blood on the ground between us. Did that come from me? I glanced at my arm, Metal’s grip tore deep lines into my bicep, blood poured from the wounds freely. I looked back up at the top of the cliff, if I couldn’t reach my friends, I could at least leave them a clue. Metal clutched my shoulder, the tips of his fingers threatening to bite into my skin again as he dragged me away. I squeezed the blood from my wound and left as much of a trail as I could. I smacked my handprint on rocks and tree trunks the whole way. It was the most I could do, though it left me feeling queasy. My effect on Metal’s programming seemed to keep him from noticing my efforts, he did nothing to stop me. At least I had some luck.

               When we got inside the base, Metal unceremoniously threw me forward and I stumbled and fell. All that work I put into piecing him together and this was all the thanks I got? There was blood all over my hands at this point, they were visibly shaking as I pushed myself up. Eggman was standing just ahead, ready to gloat.

               “Try not to bleed so much, these are new floors.” He commented.

I glared back at him.

               “You don’t want blood on your floors, but on your hands it’s just fine?” I retorted.

“Don’t be so dramatic. I improved your life!”

Two guard bots picked me up by the arms, the one on my left gripped my wounded arm tightly and I hissed in pain. Eggman chuckled and we started toward the holding cells.

“By the way,” He added, “I should thank you for putting Metal Sonic back together. If it wasn’t for your hard work, I would have never found you!”

I sighed and hung my head; this was all my fault. I should have listened to Knuckles and Sonic. My face betrayed me, I was too visibly troubled and the old man took great joy in it.

“Yes, that’s right. All thanks to you I was able to remote in to Metal Sonic’s operating system. Even when you betray me you’ve proven very useful.”

I spat at him and shouted,

“Shut up! I’ve had it with you and your lies! I won’t be here for long! I’ll escape again! Just you watch!”

               He frowned and punched in the code to the holding cell.

“Hm, I see you picked up some bad habits from your new friends. No matter, the testing will start again soon and you’ll forget all about them.”

He was going to try again? Ice gripped my spine but my blood was boiling.

“You-! You won’t get the chance! I’d rather kill myself first!”

“That’s enough whining for now.”

When I was dumped into the holding cell, I dashed for the door but it slammed shut just before I could reach it. I pounded on it as hard as I could, shouting for him to let me out even after I knew he had left. I battered that door until my hands were bruised, just to keep myself from crying.

               Eventually I ended up sitting against the door, waiting for a plan or a noise or some hope that I would be free. I started to wonder if this was going to be the end of my free life forever. I wondered if I was just going to forget again and start over as if nothing happened and believe the same lies that allowed fear to rule me. Pin-pricks of tears were forming in my eyes, I was trembling at the thought of going back to that experimentation table but I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was trapped again, and the worst part was I knew help wouldn’t be here in time. I was the only help I had, and I was useless. I knew that if he went forward with his experiment again, my memory would be erased, and the old geezer would make extra sure that I never questioned him again. I scanned the room, looking for anything that could help me escape, but there was nothing. He made sure my cell was empty.

               I thought that perhaps being dead was the better option. With the room empty it would be hard to implement anything quick and easy but if I was determined…

Did he ever think about ending it all too? Was this how Sonic felt when he was kept a prisoner? Sonic… My friends… The village during the spring festival. The smell of flowers and popcorn. All those kids playing and laughing. The fluffiness of the cotton candy. The light airy feeling of spending time with everyone under the cherry trees and the pastel pink flowers. Wasn’t that worth fighting for? And my friends… what would they think if I gave up on them like that? As if I didn’t have any faith in their rescue! What if they came to rescue me and found that I had…? No! I would not give up like this! There were other options, I just couldn’t see them yet! I would not lose myself like this now! And I was not going to give up hope, even if I lost my memories, I knew my friends would not give up on me!

               I started pounding on the door again.

“Hey! I need medical attention!”

I had a very rough plan; it wasn’t much but if I could get the door to open, just once, maybe I could think of something else along the way. There was an observation window on the wall to my left, it was pitch black until a light came on from the room on the other side of the glass. The old man must have been watching the whole time.

“Now you suddenly remember you’re injured?” He asked over the intercom.

“You gonna let me bleed to death before you can start your precious experiment or am I gonna get some medical treatment?”

Eggman pressed a few buttons on the console in front of him. I watched intently, maybe he was calling a medic bot? Some time passed and nothing was happening, so I became impatient.

“Well?” I asked.

He scoffed, “You’ll survive.”

“The hell I will! You seein’ all this?” I waved my arms to display the bright red coating. A few drops flew from my hands and hit the glass.

“Enough! I’m far too busy to pamper you!”

“And what are you doing?”

“Preparing to wipe your memories again! What do you say to that?” He leaned forward with a menacing smile.

“Bullshit! You wouldn’t dare!” I was hoping I was right on this bluff.

“Wouldn’t I?” He continued to smile.

“What’s the vault passcode?”

His grin disappeared quickly, “…What?”

“The passcode. For the vault. You remember it?”

He was silent. I was on the money!

“That’s what I thought…” I smirked, “See, you can’t wipe my memories because I was too valuable a worker. I made sure to remember everything so you wouldn’t have to. And if that’s gone…” I shook my head.

“You little-! You impudent-!” he stammered, “How dare you make such an assumption! Of course I know the passcode! I-!”

“What is it then?” I interrupted.

He stuttered irritably, trying to find an answer.

I couldn’t help but snicker, “You can’t scare me anymore, old man! I have leverage now!”

“You most certainly DO NO-!”

“And the best part is you practically gave it to me!”

“You listen to me, you little welp! You may think you have the upper hand, but remember who’s actually pulling the strings! I can still finish my experiments without wiping your precious memories!”

I wasn’t totally convinced but I knew not to push my luck. I had made my point. Now it was time to negotiate. I crossed my arms while making sure to apply pressure on my wound to keep it from bleeding out further.

“Fair enough,” I said, “But how about some medical supplies? I need to bandage this up at the very least.”

“Fine.” Eggman huffed.

He pressed a button and a first aid kit dropped from a hatch in the ceiling of my cell, startling me. It would have been funny to suddenly see an object just randomly fall like that, but given the situation, I was too tense to notice. I used the kit to tend my arm and breathed a sigh of relief.

“There!” The old man griped. “You have your medical treatment. Now tell me that passcode.”

“Ah-ha! So you didn’t know it!”

“Just get it over with!” He shouted.

“Alright, alright, geez! Don’t go giving yourself a heart attack…” I thought back to the last time I had to enter it. “It was… ‘the dog off’ capital T, capital D, zero for the o in off and capital f’s.”

“That’s it?”

“I had a lot of things to do at the time! What more did you want?”

He grumbled and started to enter the password. Apparently, he had to go without any valuables for a while. I was getting curious.

“Is this really why you wanted me back so badly? So I could tell you passwords and stuff? Do you want to barter for the budgeting spreadsheet password next? The passcode to the furnace room? Or maybe a walkthrough on updating the server system?” I complained.

“Don’t be so foolish! I could reset any one of these passwords if I had the time… No, you’re more useful as a guinea-pig.”

“For what? What are you doing this for! You said so in the report, the experiment failed! What more could you possibly need from me?” I shouted.

He was quiet for a moment, then grunted. “So that’s where my file went. Alright, smarty-pants, your experiment did fail! But I’m planning on picking you apart to find out why.”

“What… were you trying to do?”

“You don’t need to worry about that.”

“The hell I do! It’s the entire reason I’m here! Can’t I at least know the reason why I’m in this mess in the first place?”

He refused to answer.

“I did so much for you!” I argued, “I wasted three years of my life! Don’t I at least get to know why?”

“…Well, since this information will die with you, I might as well. You must already be aware that Sonic and his friend Shadow have what are called super forms, correct? They like to use the chaos energy stored in the chaos emeralds to grant them unlimited power for a short period of time. I suspected that if a human gained an affinity for chaos energy, much like your animal friends, then that human could also use the chaos emeralds to attain a super form.”

“You… kidnapped me for that?! Why couldn’t you test that on yourself? Why drag me into this?”

“Chaos energy is dangerous. Humans can’t withstand the raw power for too long. That’s why I diluted it with water and pumped it through your body. You barely survived. It was quite fun to watch!”

I was too angry for words. He found this amusing and continued.

“Your transformation was an intriguing surprise! No doubt it will present an equally surprising answer when I cut you open and take a closer look. I would have done it sooner, but I needed to see just how long you would last in this new form. Too bad you had to go snooping around, I would’ve kept you alive longer if you hadn’t run away. But I suppose it was only a matter of time before you became useless to me anyway.”

I wanted to scream in anger. But I knew I had to play my cards right. I clung to my bargaining chip just a little tighter. What was the one thing he couldn’t do without?

“So hasty to kill me… I suppose you don’t need any other chaos emeralds?”

“That’s an interesting offer, provided you aren’t lying! But we can bargain later. I’ve got more pressing matters to deal with at the moment. I’d send Metal to keep you company but I still have to fix him after you and your friends ruined him!”

“You’re welcome! I left a few surprises for you in his operating system, have fun weeding those out!”

I watched as he left the observation room. Something was going on. I knew it. He wouldn’t have left so soon if there wasn’t trouble. That gave me some hope that my friends had made it here in time.

               I looked down at the first aid kit. Not much to work with but perhaps it was enough to allow me to escape. I checked the inside: disinfectant, bandages, gaze, medical tape, a tourniquet and a small pair of scissors. I looked up at the ceiling it had come from. The hatch it had fallen from was just big enough I could fit through it. I looked at my hand, I was a cat, right? Perhaps I had claws? I flexed my fingers. Nope. I took the scissors and went to the door, maybe I could pick the lock? I didn’t know the first thing about picking locks and there wasn’t anything I could access from my side of the door. I looked at the window, it was too thick to smash open but I did notice that the window was small. It didn’t have a full view of the ceiling of the room. Now I had a plan.

               Using the full length of the room to my advantage, I ran to the end, ran back toward the door and tried to run up the wall toward the ceiling so I could grab the one security camera in the room. On my first and second attempts I fell flat on my back. I went back to the end of the room again, this time I was going to make it. I was sure. I ran toward the security camera, planted one leg on the wall and used my momentum to spring as high as I could. I was able to grab onto the security camera, and used it to climb up into the corner between the observation window and the door. My tail waved back and forth frantically as I balanced precariously on the window ledge before it finally calmed down. I took a deep breath and waited. To anyone looking in, it would appear that I was gone.

               It was a long wait. My arms and legs were extremely tired, when the door finally opened it was Orbot and Cubot in the doorway. He sent them to watch over me?

“How could she be gone?!” Cubot exclaimed.

In the old days, they were as much friends to me as Metal Sonic was. They were the ones that taught me how to work in the base and any time I had trouble I could go to them. They never ignored me. I felt a bit guilty for hiding from them. I knew that if I escaped from their watchful eyes, they would get the worst of Eggman’s temper. Orbot peered into the room,

“How ironic. For once, she vanishes and it’s the only time we wanted her to stay!”

I rolled my eyes; guilty feelings were gone. I jumped down and raced past them. They brought a company of guards with them but I was too fast to catch. I guess all that time with Sonic improved my speed. I ran as fast as I could toward the control room, I wanted to open the doors from there but the guards were on my tail. I weaved through labs and hallways, hiding just behind the dark corners, and lost them. There was so much rumbling in my heart, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to scream or laugh. I never thought I’d get this far!

I decided to take my next few steps slow and figure out if there was a weapon I could grab before heading out. I crept into the room nearest me, this place seemed warmer than the others and was filled with a green glow. I peaked around the corner to find this lab was much bigger than the others. Eggman sat with his back toward the entrance, working away on something at his worktable. My first instinct was to turn and run in the other direction before he noticed my presence. Then my eyes caught sight of a glowing gem about the size of my fist contained in a power draining device. Is this what everyone called a chaos emerald? I carefully opened the lid of the machine, reached in and snatched the it. The stone felt warm and seemed to hum against my skin as I picked it up. Something like this in Eggman’s hands was too dangerous. I gripped gem tightly and picked up an empty box from the trash to hide the glowing when I entered the hallways. Just before I could step through the door, the old man cleared his throat. I froze, even my heart stopped moving for a second. I glance up, he hadn’t turned around yet. Now was my time to bolt. I took for the hallways as quickly as possible, making sure to serpentine through other labs before heading toward the control room.

               I couldn’t find any weapons around the base that I understood enough to use, so I gave up and snuck up to the control room. The door was unlocked, I wasn’t sure if that was a bad sign, but the blood loss I suffered earlier was really wearing me down. I needed to get out soon. I tiptoed in and looked for the console that was in charge of security so I could unlock the front door. He rearranged all the consoles since I left. Typical. I picked the best bet and was about to log into it when I heard someone shout:

“WHERE IS SHE?”

I nearly jumped out of my skin! I panicked and thought Eggman found out I had taken the chaos emerald, but that voice… It wasn’t Eggman’s, so who was it?

“WHERE’S CHERRY BOMB? YOU BETTER NOT HAVE HURT HER OR YOU’LL HAVE TO ANSWER TO ME! AND MY FISTS!”

Knuckles?! I was flabbergasted. Did he know anything about stealth? I rushed out to the sound of his voice. I guess I didn’t need a weapon after all, just a very angry echidna.

               The sound of carnage accompanied his shouting as it grew louder and louder. I was getting close. I ran past the cell I escaped and had to stop to catch my breath, it was getting harder to breathe and the air felt hot. I had to find Knuckles soon. I looked into the cell, he busted the door down and probably saw the blood I left behind. No wonder he was so pissed. I started to walk toward his screaming and found him amongst the wreckage of several guard bots.

“I KNOW SHE’S HERE SOM-!” He saw me, “Cherry!” He ran over and looked at my bandaged arm. “Are you okay? Did he do this to you?” He growled.

"I tried t’get... ‘way from Metal... Didn't work... Lost blood!" I couldn't catch my breath, and my head was starting to spin.

“I know you did. We followed your clues all the way here. Can you walk?”

I nodded and he started leading me back to the exit.

“Where i-… everyone?” I asked.

“We split up to look for you.” He pressed a button and spoke into a watch that Tails obviously made himself. “Guys, I found Cherry! We’re heading out right now!”

I heard Sonic’s voice respond.

“Great! We’ll meet you outside!”

               “Is she okay?” Amy asked.

“She’s fine.” Knuckles answered.

“And I’ve got a chaos emerald with me!” I stated triumphantly, though a bit winded, and I lifted the box in my hand.

Knuckles looked at me in surprise, “You found a chaos emerald?!”

“I knew he had one in the base somewhere! Good work, Cherry!” Tails said through the watch.

I was beaming with pride. Knuckles looked back at me with a warm grin and hung up.

“You did good but we’d better get you out of here.”

               If I wasn’t exhausted, I would’ve been in tears. I kept my hope this time and my friends were here to rescue me! It was a good thing they were here too; I was getting weaker and weaker. I had to focus all my energy on each step as I navigated my way around the devastation Knuckles had made. Knuckles ran far ahead of me before he even noticed I was falling behind.

“You gonna pick up the pace, grandma?” He asked.

I wanted to reply so badly but I was too busy trying to breathe. He marched over and scooped me up under his arm.

“Sorry, Tiny, but we don’t have time to waste!”

“P… Put me down! …I’m fine!” I panted.

“I’ll put you down when you stop wheezing!” He retorted.

By the time we got outside the others were all waiting for us on the edge of the forest. It was good to see their smiles again.

“I’m so glad you’re okay!” Amy exclaimed and hugged me tight. “When we saw that empty cell, we thought the worst!”

“Well maybe Amy was worried,” Knuckles muttered as Amy pulled me from his arms, “but I knew you were okay.”

“Yeah right, Knucklehead!” Sonic interjected, “You were charging ahead before we even knew where to go!”

“Yeah-! Well-! Maybe you just took too long!”

“Those sound like racing words! You up for one?”

“Guys!” Amy scolded, “The important thing is that we found Cherry and can bring her back home!”

Knuckles glared at Sonic, and Sonic sent Knuckles a confident smirk. Both silent promises that they would continue this later.

“Actually…” Tails commented, “Now that Metal Sonic knows where our home is, we’ll need to move as soon as possible.”

“Shouldn’t be too hard!” Sonic assured him, “I’ve already got a spot in mind!”

Knuckles nudged me, “You still got the chaos emerald?”

I handed him the box with a nod. I still wasn’t feeling well but it was relieving to at least have my hands empty at this point. Knuckles looked at me cautiously, he could tell I was having a hard time. He looked at the box and opened it. As soon as the lid to the box opened, I was hit with an overwhelming wave of pressure, all sound was muffled and my vision blurred to black as all sense of gravity left. I vaguely remember feeling the ground at my back before drifting off with the pulsing waves that distorted the entire world around me.

.   .   .

Thank you for reading!

You can find previous chapters here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13241826/1/Undesirable-Truth

[goodproofingwater]

Wildfire Records - Chapter Six

Word Count: 4601

Playlist picks:

Jungle - Tash Sultana Summer Bummer - Lana del Rey ft A$AP Rocky I Like America & America Likes Me - The 1975 Press play when you see the *’s

Going from planning and putting together campaigns for something that she was so passionate about to sitting behind a desk and filing other people scout reports was soul destroying. At best she thought it an opportunity to keep an eye out for other bands that fieldworkers were passing up on, but she was finding it increasingly difficult to focus on these menial tasks when she would much rather be building more of their website.

The Facebook campaign that she had put together for the boys was performing well. They had 103 new monthly listeners on Spotify, and she knew that spending more time working the campaign would produce an even bigger result. They also needed to look into booking a string of gig across London to help promote them and Wildfire. Victoria was just looking at how much it would cost to print a banner to be put up behind the boys at their shows when Cindy appeared above her, the redhead quickly putting her phone facedown on the desk.

“Are you taking a late lunch?” Cindy spoke, fury in her eyes. This hadn’t been a good day for their manager - only one of the bands that her scouts had approved had been signed off by the senior director, and that meant that the big February push was no more than a nudge in the right direction.

“No, sorry I’ll put it awa—“

“You know, I’m really sick of you talking back to me.” Cindy snapped, and Juliet looked up from the paperwork she was working on at her tone. The entire floor had gone quiet as Cindy raised her voice, and Victoria clenched her jaw as she willed herself not to go red with embarrassment.

“I’m sorry I—“ Victoria started and Cindy placed her hands on her hips, shaking her head and laughing humorlessly.

“You are so fucking sure of yourself aren’t you? You sit here day after day with a face like a slapped arse, expecting me to give you assignments because you’ve been here for a few months, and then when I give you one you get pissed that I don’t sign them.”

The red mist formed over Victoria’s eyes, and she clenched her fists in her crossed arms, trying to take the berrading as best she could. This happened about once a month on this floor, except it was usually with one of the scouts that had messed up paperwork or had vouched for an artist that had sold barely 5000 units.

“Well listen up, sweetheart. It’s going to be a long time before you get actually trusted with an assignment, and even longer before you can make accurate decisions on music. Your taste is shit, your paperwork is shit and now it seems even your work ethic is shit.”

That was it. It was one thing to insult her, to vent frustration and pressure that had been put on her by her superiors but to call her work ethic shit when she had been working so fucking hard was a step over the line.

“You know what?” Victoria spoke, “I don’t have to sit here and take this.”

“Yes you do sunshine.” Cindy spat, watching in momentary shock as Victoria stood and leveled with her, the redhead's heels allowing them to be eye level with each other, “if you walk away from me now you’re fired.”

“You can’t fire me.” Victoria spoke, picking up her bag from the floor, “I fucking quit.”

The redhead through her bags strap over her shoulder, grabbing only her phone from her desk as she stormed toward the lift.

Tension clouded the room, many shocked and some even trying to stop themselves from nervous laughter.

“You’ll never work in this industry again, Sanderson.” Cindy almost yelled across the floor, and Victoria laughed

“Oh yeah? Watch me.”

And with that, the doors to fieldworks records closed to Victoria for the last time.

Josh had awoken relatively early that morning, and had already been to the gym with the boys when he received the text.

V: are you in?

V: can I come over?

His heart jumped a little when her name flashed up on the screen, the image he had saved as her contact photo making him smile. He had taken a screen grab from an instastory he had filmed when they had been drunk and she had been trying to force him to have another shot.

J: yeah sure - everything okay?

He tapped back quickly, probably too quickly, but was glad to see the three dots dancing around as she typed her response immediately.

V: not really

V: I’ll be there in 20 mins, line up those shots boy

His brow furrowed as he glanced at the time. He liked to party just as much as she did but it couldn’t be a good sign that she was talking about shots at 3pm.

True to her word, she arrived 20 minutes later, and Josh bought her up to the reception room where beers were waiting on the coffee table, a small tin resting next to them.

“So you gonna tell me why you were craving tequila at 3 in the afternoon?” He smirked up at her, opening the tin and revealing a half rolled joint, his nimble fingers working the papers so well that Victoria almost didn’t hear what he said.

She sighed, throwing her bag on one half of the corner couch before she grabbed the beer from the table and drank half of it in one gulp. Josh raised his eyebrows as his tongue ran along the paper, waiting for her to say something as he twisted it and formed it into something smokable. He was patting the bottom half of it on the coffee table when she finally spoke,

“I quit my job.” She let out a sigh as his brows raised once more, and she downed the rest of the bottle of beer. He was impressed that she could do so, but left that compliment for another time.

“What do you mean you—“

“Cindy started giving me shit because I was on my phone. I mean I was literally taking a break from staring at my computer because I had been working on spreadsheets all day.” She tipped the bottle to get the last dregs of her beer before she put it back on the coffee table. “And she started saying that I had shit taste and a shit work ethic and I just had enough. I wasn’t going to sit there and be spoken to like that when all I’ve done for the last 7 months is do her fucking grunt work.” She sighed and he passed her his own beer as he saw her move to go to the fridge.

“Here,” he smiled, nudging it toward her and closing the tin, placing the joint that he had rolled on top.

“It sounds like you did the right thing, you can’t let people shout at you like that.” He wanted to touch her but he wasn’t sure how, wasn’t sure how she’s would react to comfort when she was so wound up.

Piercing blue eyes met his own and he swallowed thickly, “you really think so?” She spoke, her voice smaller than he had expected from someone who was clearly so fired up.

“Yeah,” he stood up, walking to the kitchen to get another beer from the fridge, throwing the cap in the bin along with her empty bottle, “fuck working in an underpaid job with a manager like that, you deserve better.”

Victoria nodded, slowly at first and then more deliberately as his words sunk in. For now, she didn’t want to think about the consequences of her actions, didn’t want to think about finding a new job, she just wanted to calm down and forget.

He walked back over to the table, picking up the joint and nodded to the spiral staircase that sat smack bang in the middle of the room.

“Wanna come and smoke this with me? Figured you could use a distraction..” he smiled, and she slipped on her jacket and followed him up the stairs.

The terrace was gorgeous. Whitewashed stone flowed from the floor to the planter that lined the right side of it, the left’s planter black instead. There was a couch and two chairs, and the walls of the mezzanine that lead to the terrace were entirely glass so all light filtered through into the flat. There were pruned trees in the planters, trimmed in a way that Victoria could tell that there was a roof that extended from somewhere should it rain. Luckily although they were well into March now, there seemed to be no sign of spring showers and the warm sun had heated the couch they sat on.

“Thanks..” The girl started, watching as Josh lit the joint and trying not to focus on how gorgeous he looked doing it. She had always had a thing for the way guys looked when they smoked, the concentration and the way they clenched their jaw as flame met paper and Josh was no different. He took a long drag, letting it settle in his lungs for a moment before he shook his head,

“For what?” He took another drag and she crossed one leg over the other, sipping her beer as her eyes ran over the terrace once more.

“For listening to my bullshit and making me feel better..” she smiled, looking over at him and taking the joint from him. He was right, she needed a distraction, and there was nothing that mellowed her out like weed.

“Can’t have my label manager being down now, can I?” He grinned, and she let out a small laugh as she exhaled, the high already settling in her head and hazing her over.

“Woah…” she spoke, looking at the joint before she took another long inhale, talking on the inhaled breath “how did you get stuff this good when you don’t know anyone?”

He grinned, his eyes falling slightly hooded, his body relaxing into the couch and she could practically see the effect it was having on him.

“Andy has a dealer..” he spoke, licking his lips and she was all of a sudden very aware of how dry her mouth was. Still, she inhaled for a third time before she passed it back to him.

“Of course… glad that I wasn’t just being paranoid at my house the other day.”

Josh shook his head, picking up his phone and tapping his way through Spotify before Tash Sultana* drifted through speakers she hadn’t even noticed were there. The smooth beats ran through her body, the high making her feel more sensitive and numb at the same time. She was acutely aware of the breeze that pushed her hair over her eyes and the way his fingers wrapped around the joint as the cherry burned too bright for an afternoon.

“Yeah when he’s on a big night out he’ll jump right to the powder,” he shook his head, his tongue running along the inside of his parted lips, “I mean don’t get me wrong I don’t really care, but try being on stage with someone who’s done half a gram.”

A small laugh left the redhead but she was having trouble focusing on anything but his lips, did he always lick them that much?

Their eyes met as he took another drag, and she smiled softly as she enjoyed the music, her fingers dancing along the back of the sofa to each note.

“I love this song, it’s—“ her voice stopped in its track as she watched the smoke billow past his lips and into his nose, his eyes still on her as he waited for her to complete her sentence, but she had completely forgotten what she was going to say. His hooded eyes, his relaxed shoulders and the way his was looking at her brought back the feeling that she had gotten at Liverpool Street station, and she bit down on her lip as she forced herself back into the moment.

“How do you do that?” She whispered, and a smirk washed across his lips as if it had been his intention to throw her off. But surely not.

“Want me to teach you?” He smiled, moving closer to her and she nodded, crossing her legs in front of her and sitting straight to really pay attention. She took the joint from him and he moved so they were close enough for his knee to touch her own.

“Okay so when you inhale, don’t bring the smoke into your lungs. Let it sit in your mouth, and put your tongue at the back of your mouth to stop it flowing down your throat,” he spoke, and she nodded, inhaling but not taking it in.

“Now open your mouth slowly but don’t breath out, let it flow from your lips and push your tongue forward as you breathe in through your nose.”

This step did not go as well as the first. She opened her lips and moved her tongue too quickly, and then breathed in too fast. He couldn’t help but laugh, and she grinned at the sound, the feeling in her stomach spreading through her the longer she stayed in this moment with him.

“Not quite,” he grinned, taking the joint back and she mocked anger.

“Hey!” He grinned at her reaction, and inhaled deeply, letting smoke filter from his lips as if to tease the fact that she couldn’t do it. But before he could breathe it into his nose, she moved close enough that she could breathe it in herself, lips parted, half smirking and almost touching his own as she stole his high.

What had come over her? She had never been this bold, would never do something like that unless she was involved with someone, but something about Josh just got her heart racing. He was so kind, so easy to talk to, so caring and here he was trying to teach her to French inhale to distract her from her shit day when she had crossed a line. It was a good sign that he wasn’t pulling away, but he hadn’t reacted positively either. She would blame the weed. She always got turned on when she had a smoke and this gorgeous boy was doing wonderful things with his lips in front of her.

He looked up into her eyes as she remained close and exhaled the smoke back onto his lips, and holy shit was she the hottest thing he’d ever seen. He had already been struggling to come to terms with how he had felt after their day together, and now the feeling was only strengthened. She had a rough day, she was buzzed and she was just letting off steam but her lips were so inviting...

He was just about to close the gap between them when Andy walked through the door looking at his phone, a beer in his hand as he slumped down into one of the armchairs opposite them.

Victoria pulled back as she glanced at the redhead, swallowing thickly and taking the joint from Josh’s fingers with a small smile. Andy finally looked up at them when she was inhaling, his eyes running up and down her subtly as he watched the drug intoxicate her further.

“What are you doing here?” Andy spoke, “shouldn’t you be at work?”

Victoria shook her head, passing him the joint as he leaned over for it, the cherry almost burning his fingers as he sucked in the last of the THC, pressing the now spend joint into the ashtray on the coffee table between them.

“I quit..” she spoke, leaning back on the sofa and grinning at the words, her eyes falling to Josh who was smiling too, the weed fully immersed in their bloodstream now. And she began to laugh. The whole thing had been so crazy. This morning she had been ready for another day of the grind and now here she was in a bands penthouse smoking weed after telling her day job to fuck off.

Andy grinned at the two of them, pulling a small bag of weed and some papers from his pocket as he began to skin up again, determined to get on the level of the two in front of him.

By the time the three were done, Danny and Juliet had joined them and they were all sitting blazed on the terrace grinning from ear to ear. Summer Bummer by Lana del Rey* played through the speakers, and Victoria sat between Josh and Juliet on the couch, Danny in the other armchair next to Andy.

“You should have seen Cindy’s face when you left, it was a picture!” Juliet grinned, raising her beer bottle to her friend in respect, “she honestly didn’t know what to do with herself, she just told everyone to get back to work and went into her office for most of the day.”

Victoria grinned at the words, glad that something that had traumatised her a little had had a negative effect on the woman that had caused it. Although she began to panic as it settled in what she had done, that she would have to go back to a flat that she no longer had the income to pay for, and not have a job to go to in the morning.

Danny noted the change in her reaction and sat forward, “sounds like she got what she deserved if you ask me..” the curly haired boy smiled, and she offered a small one back, leaning into Josh as she felt his arm snake around her waist.

“Hey what’s wrong? Don’t go down now, you did a great thing!” He grinned, clinking his beer bottle with her own and she rested her head on his shoulder, doing everything she could to not think about the lead that was spreading through her veins the more she thought about how her life was about to fall apart.

“I.. how am I supposed to live.. like not to sound dramatic or anything but how do I pay rent?” She spoke, sitting up and glad for his hand remaining on her back and moving up and down gently.

“Don’t..” Andy spoke, flicking the ash from his cigarette into the ashtray, eyes meeting hers as he leaned forward.

“What?” She spoke, brow furrowing as she shook her head and watched him lounge back on his chair. She was about to snap back at him when he continued.

“Why don’t you guys just move in here” Andy's eyes glinted with nefarious intent for barely a second and he took another drag of his cigarette as Victoria’s head snapped to Juliet.

“What.. like both of us?” She spoke, and Victoria glanced around at the boys and it was clear that they hadn’t been consulted, that this was an off the cuff offer that Andy had seen as a viable solution and had not thought through for a second.

“Yeah,” he spoke, stubbing out the filter of his cigarette, the high and the three beers he had drunk forcing him to talk slower than usual, “I mean we’re serious about this record company right? So why don’t you both move in here, sublet your apartments and we have a steady monthly income? There are two spare rooms downstairs, we wouldn’t even have to do anything.” He shrugged, and Victoria was surprised at how much it actually made sense.

“Or…” Josh started, a jovial tone in his voice as he sat forward to be the voice of reason. As usual. “You could not do something crazy illegal and just move out. The guys at that record shop seemed to know you quite well, I'm sure they’d give you a job there for some income.” Josh shrugged and Danny looked between his friend and Victoria, a knowing smile on his face as he had been the one Josh had spoken to when he had come back from that non-date.

“You’ll move in too right?” Andy eyed Juliet with an attempt at flirtation that he knew wouldn’t work, “I know you’re still working but you could save on rent..”

“Sure,” Juliet spoke as if it was the easiest decision in the world, and Victoria couldn’t help the small laugh that slipped from her lips at how blasé she was about it, “I mean he’s right… and I saw a guy shooting up outside my building yesterday and hate my flatmates  so I’ll literally take any excuse.”

“He was what?!” Danny sat forward, concern washing over his features and it was almost automatic the way their hands met, his fingers squeezing hers in comfort and Juliet met his eyes. It was heartwarming to see how close they had gotten so quickly. It was like they had been waiting their whole life to meet each other.

“I mean..” Victoria started, smiling at Juliet, “this is crazy right?”

Juliet nodded, eyeing the people around her and wondering if it was a good idea to move in with four people that she had known for less than 3 months.

Victoria picked up her beer as she thought through the same dilemma, but she had moved to Shoreditch in a week with zero notice just so she could be closer to work - was this really that much different?

“So crazy it could work..” Juliet grinned, and Victoria bit her lip as she nodded,

“If you really want two girls cramping your style up in here it would be great..” Josh’s hand had moved from her back to pick up his beer and even he couldn’t believe that this was happening. Andy blurred out impromptu ideas like this all the time, but this was the first time it was actually making sense, “How much rent?”

“No rent. We’re not even paying rent, my dad owns this place. Move in whenever you want,” Andy grinned, “Wildfire records is gonna burn fucking bright, can’t have one of our managers worrying about where she’s gonna live and the other living in a crack house”

She grinned at him, wondering if she should have questioned more but if she had learned anything from the past couple of months it was that impulsiveness was a good thing. She just hoped that this situation would follow suit.

It was late when the majority of them descended the spiral staircase, Juliet and Victoria choosing to stay over but the latter not wanting to stop the party as Andy skinned up once more.

“Such a nice night..” she whispered, stretching out and enjoying air that was uncharacteristically warm for March.

“Mmm..” Andy hummed in agreement, his eyes running from her uncovered feet resting on the table and all the way up to the hem of her dress, “gorgeous.”

She watched the redheads deft fingers roll up the marijuana and tobacco cocktail, dark eyes meeting hers as he ran his tongue along the paper to seal it and she felt a shiver run through her. She could feel the tension radiating from him, the way he was looking at her made her heart race and she swallowed thickly before her head turned to Josh and the three bottles he had bought up from the fridge. 

“Thank you,” she smiled as he took his seat back next to her and passed her one of them. She drank deeply from the bottle when she knew she shouldn’t, and watched as Andy lit the joint, smoke clouding the space between them but making his eyes even darker. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, music drowning out the noises of busy London and Victoria couldn’t help but bite her lip as Josh french inhaled again. Eyes met hers and she let out a soft laugh, wondering if he realised how attractive he was.

“Wanna try again?” He grinned, passing her the joint and she shook her head,

“I much prefer my way…” she licked her lips and pressed the roach to her lips, Josh’s mouth suddenly dryer at the thought of what they tasted like. Was she talking about the way she inhaled? Or was she talking about what happened before they were interrupted? Either way, it was calming to watch her take a deep drag, her body relaxing more and more with each toke.

She had been so angry, then so anxious and now she seemed to be finally realising that everything might be okay. She just had to move in with people that she’d known for three months.

“Right losers, I’m gonna turn in..” Andy spoke, standing and taking the joint from Victoria and inhaling deeply before passing it back to her. “You know where you’re sleeping tonight, right?” He spoke, the question could have been innocent if it wasn’t for the quirk of the eyebrow and the THC running through their veins, and she bit her lip, nodding.

A cocky smirk graced his lips before he walked from the terrace to the mezzanine, waving at them with a confidence that never faltered.

“He wants to fuck you y’no” Josh almost slurred, eyes dancing over her features and settling on her lips for a moment too long.

She took another long drag, the cherry burning faster than it had done before and her eyes felt even heavier. “Mmm.. he’s not exactly subtle is he..” she chuckled, pressing the joint between his lips with two fingers and a lazy smile as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“Subtle like a brick to the face” He grinned, and she slipped an arm around his, chuckling at his words as the music changed again*, 1975’s electronic harmony’s making the air feel like it was buzzing

“Subtle like a gun to the head,” she mirrored his smile, and he took a long drag as he chuckled, the soft breeze washing over them, the plants in the planter rustling softly and adding a layer to the music that he didn’t know could sound so good.

“Subtle like a sledgehammer” He exhaled, and he felt her weight change on him, her breathing heavy and even. He took one long toke before leaning forward gently, pressing the roach to the ashtray as he exhaled. He wanted to get that last hit, but he mainly needed to force himself to breathe. She looked so beautiful asleep on his shoulder, her arms gripping him as if she never wanted to let go. And maybe he didn’t want her to.

He allowed the song to finish as he finished his beer, dozing in and out of sleep as her breath lulled him into an almost hypnotised state. Half an hour later he forced himself to move if only for his leg threatening to fall asleep with her.

He moved her softly and moved an arm under her shoulders while the other slipped under her knees, and he slowly carried her down the spiral staircase, down the next flight of stairs and into the bedroom next to his own.

As he lay her down, her eyes flickered and he thought he was going to be able to see those sea blue hues once more. But no such luck. She turned in the bed as he pulled the blankets over her, and couldn’t help but smile as he watched her curl up and whisper, “J…”

Moving from the side of her bed, he switched off the light and went to bed wondering if he would ever get to hear her whisper her nickname for him consciously.

[chierafied]

Oh my gosh! I just saw you are accepting prompts :) this totally made my day :) I am currently planning my wedding so I am pretty much watching and reading everything which includes weddings so I have been watching Don’t tell the bride and it would be cool if you could write a fic where James and Sirius are planning James and Lily’s wedding and of course the chaos is inevitable :) With love, Ellie Sofia

Thanks so much, love, for this prompt! :) I decided to leave out much of the drama there often is on the show since I wanted something more lighthearted. ♥

I’m so so sorry you’ve had to wait for so long!! I hope you enjoy this and I really hope your own wedding planning went (is going?) smoothly! ♥♥

This is unapologetic fluff because that’s how I roll, jilytober or not!

Don’t Tell the Bride

“It wasn’t love at first sight,” Lily told the camera, a wry smile curving her lips.

“It was for me,” James countered, squeezing her hand.

The TV camera zoomed in on their entwined hands, resting on James’ thigh, focusing on the glimmering engagement ring on Lily’s finger.

“Then again,” James continued, “we met in secondary school and back then I was the biggest prat while Lily was the angel she’s always been, so I can’t really blame her for taking her time.”

“Well, he grew up in the end,” Lily said, flashing a quick smile to her fiancé. “And turned out to be a decent bloke.”

“’Decent’ she says!” James exclaimed, his hazel eyes twinkling with laughter.

“With a great sense of humour. I think that’s one of the things that finally won me over,” Lily said.

“I’m a bit nervous, honestly. It’s gonna be an interesting three weeks,” James told the camera.

“I’m not sure there even needs to be a wedding at this point,” Lily said, her voice wry. “The fact that I’ve agreed to this madness should be enough of a proof of my undying love. After this, marriage will be just a minor formality.”

“Oh, there will be a wedding!” James said. “I just hope it will be one that Lily will enjoy.”

“I hope so too because I’d hate to divorce you,” Lily replied.

The two of them looked at each other and burst into a laughter so warm and contagious that the TV crew behind the camera had to bite their lips not to join in.

James watched Lily drive off. His shoulders were drooping, his hand jumping restlessly to comb through his hair.

“I hate this already,” he muttered, going back into the house and paying no attention to the camera following his steps, the microphone hovering above his head.

He slumped onto the drawing room sofa. It felt sadly empty now that Lily was gone.

“It’s gonna be hard not to have any contact with her for three weeks, I can already tell,” he said softly. “I already want to text her.”

James heaved a sigh and then reached for his phone and hit the speed dial.

“Hey mate,” he said as soon as Sirius picked up. “It’s show time! Get Remus and get your arses here so we can start to plan this thing.”

“James knows me,” Lily breathed, though whether trying to reassure herself or the imagined audience she wasn’t sure. 

“We’ve known each other forever, since from when we were teenagers, really. So he knows what I like. At least, he should know… And I trust him, I do. Otherwise, I would’ve never agreed to this.” 

She slanted the camera a quick glance. 

“Honestly, my biggest worry is Sirius. Or rather the influence he will have on James. Individually, they are lovely, brilliant men. Together, they’re a disaster waiting to happen. I can only hope they’ve got Remus on board so there will be at least one voice of reason in the mix. Though knowing them they’ll be deaf and blind to any reason.” 

Lily sighed and rubbed her face. 

“This was such a bad idea,” she muttered to herself, pointedly ignoring the camera focused on her.

“So, do you have any ideas?” Sirius asked, lounging on an armchair in Lily’s and James’ drawing room.

“Nothing much yet,” James admitted, running his hand through his hair. “But I think it’d be cool to have the wedding in Scotland.”

Remus folded his arms across his chest. “Like Gretna Green?”

“Ugh, god no,” Sirius cut in. “Don’t be a cliché, James.”

James rolled his eyes. “No, not Gretna Green. It has to be something better. Bigger. More romantic. Magical.”

“Don’t go too big, I don’t think Lily would want a big wedding,” Remus said.

“Yeah, she wouldn’t,” James agreed.

“Magical, eh?” Sirius frowned. “What about a castle?”

“Can you have a wedding at a castle?” Remus asked.

“Sure, why couldn’t you?” Sirius shrugged.

James reached for his laptop and made a quick google search.

“Looks like there’s plenty of castles to choose from. Look.”

He turned the laptop screen to show it to Sirius and Remus.

The TV camera zoomed in on the screen and the listing of Scottish castles on display.

Sirius whistled.

Remus was already rolling up his sleeves. “If we’re gonna do this we need to make a list of the ones we like the best and then start to ring through all these places to see if they’re available.”

James slanted a glance at the TV camera. “See, this is why Remus is here. Sirius and me, we’d never even think of making a list.”

“Blergh, lists.” Sirius made a face. Soon enough, though, he perked up. “Hey, if the wedding’s in Scotland, does that mean I get to wear a kilt?”

Remus and James shared a look and spoke at the same time. “No.”

Sirius pouted. “Why not?”

“Because I really don’t need you trying to steal the show, Sirius,” James joked.

“Fair point,” Sirius admitted. “If I got to show off my amazing legs nobody would care about the bride and groom.”

Remus snorted and James burst into laughter.

“I don’t want this to be my day to be a princess,” Lily told Mary and Marlene, trying not to feel self-conscious about the camera. “I just want something small and warm and intimate. Something romantic with friends and family there to witness it. Nothing crazy. The simpler the better.”

“Well with James and Sirius working on this, I think simple is out of the window,” Marlene said, patting Lily’s shoulder.

Lily grimaced. “I know, that’s what worries me. They will have all the best intentions but they will do something way over the top and I’ll find myself bungee-jumping in a big silly poofy dress or something.”

“I’m not sure they’d go quite that far,” Mary said, trying to placate Lily. “But you should try to keep an open mind.”

“You’re right.” Lily sighed. “I’m trying to remind myself that what matters most is having our friends and family there to see James and me celebrating our love.”

“And to have an open bar,” Marlene quipped.

Lily laughed. “That too. Family, friends and fun. And love and trust. They should be enough.”

And Lily really hoped it woud be, although worry was growing inside of her, gnawing her gut.

“An actual castle!” James turned to grin at the camera. “This is gonna be brilliant.”

“There were so many castles to choose from,” Sirius remarked, “so of course James is gonna go and pick the one that’s furthest away from any civilisation.”

“It is very picturesque though,” Remus pointed out. “Overlooking the water and all.”

“Yeah,” James agreed, full of enthusiasm. “And look at this entrance! I mean it almost makes you want to have the wedding out here!”

“Go for it,” Sirius said, gesturing at the entrance. “Plenty of room here. You’d have the castle in the background. As long as the weather holds out it would work.”

Light sparked in James’ eyes. “Yeah, that’s a great idea. Let’s go in and have a chat with the events coordinator.”

The men walked into the castle, the TV crew trailing after their steps.  

“My mum was always planning parties for this charity or that,” James commented, double checking the guest list before stuffing another wedding invitation into an envelope. “I should’ve been paying more attention.”

“I know, mate,” Sirius replied with a groan. “This is so much work. I think Lily’s the one who’s better off after all.”

“I bet Lily would disagree,” Remus said distractedly, frowning at the laptop screen.

“Well my wrist is starting to hurt from writing down all these addresses so I still stay Lily’s better off,” Sirius grumbled.

James chuckled and Remus rolled his eyes.

Sirius looked down at the stack of invitations. “You know we could just… lose Petunia’s invitation. Or forget about it. Accidents happen right and what do three blokes know about organising a wedding? Mistakes are bound to be made.”

“That’s very tempting,” James said, his lips twitching into a smile. “And I’m sure Lily wouldn’t mind the least. But I don’t want to upset Mrs Evans.”

“Keeping peace with the in-laws,” Sirius snorted. “Smart move, Potter.”

James grinned. “Well, one of us has to be smart, eh? Speaking of, how’s the budget looking, Remus?”

Remus stopped staring at the spreadsheet and rubbed his eyes. “We’re doing all right so far. The expenses are racking up pretty quickly though and I’m worried we might have forgotten something.”

“How? We have a checklist and everything, thanks to you,” Sirius retorted.

“Because there are a ton of details that go into a big event like this,” Remus replied curtly.

“We have the cake. We have food and booze. We have guests.” Sirius waved an invitation. “We have a Scottish castle. I mean what more do we need?”

“Oh, nothing important. Just things like the flowers, the decorations, dresses for Lily and the bridesmaids and suits for the three of us. Transportation to Scotland might come in handy as well as accommodations there before the big day. Then we’ll need a photographer –“

“Ok fine I get it,” Sirius cut in. “Don’t be a twat.”

“Settle down, guys,” James said. “And don’t worry. There’s a lot to be done but we can do it.”

“I have to say that I’m impressed by you, James. I thought you’d be freaking out and bending over backwards to make everything perfect for Lily,” Remus said.

James ran his hand through his hair. “I do want the day to be special, for her. But honestly, I don’t care if it’s perfect – right not my bar is set very low. I miss Lily so much I’m going bonkers so as long as she’s gonna be there in a white dress and says I do I’m gonna be the happiest man on Earth.”

“You two are disgusting and deserve each other,” Sirius declared, a huge grin on his face. He clapped James on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, mate. We’ll make it special for the two of you.”

“Do you already know what you’re looking for?” Marlene asked, holding open the door for the bridal boutique so that the rest of their party – Mary, Lily and Lily’s mother – could walk in.

“I’ll know it when I see it,” Lily answered, “but I know what types of dresses I prefer.”

The sales attendant hurried to meet them, acting graciously professional despite the cumbersome TV crew that was tagging along with the four women.

“Something simple. Classic and elegant with a sleek silhouette,” Lily explained to the sales attendant, who smiled politely and promptly steered her towards a rack and started pointing out options.

Lily bit down her lip and tried not to glare at the cameras.

She thought this section of the show was cheap and cruel – letting the bride try on her dream dress to drum up drama for the moment when the hapless groom would inevitably get it wrong. Or just to make her nervous about the potential disaster.

As if she wasn’t nervous enough already, being so toally out of the loop.

“Do you think James is going to be able to pick a dress that you like?” Mary asked, as if on cue.

“I think James is going to pick a dress he thinks I’d like. Most probably he’s going to pick something he thinks I’d look good in.”

“James is sweet,” Lily’s mother chimed in. “I think he’s going to pick well.”

“And anyway the groom’s reaction to the dress is the most important thing, right?” Marlene added. “You’ll wanna wear a dress that makes his eyes pop and jaw drop and if he’s gonna be the one choosing and picks something he thinks would look good on you? You’re all set.”

“That’s true,” Lily said, her shoulders slumping a little as a tension she hadn’t even realised she’d been carrying eased away. 

The not knowing really was the worst. 

But now, at last, the corners of her lips quirked up in a grin. “So, would you ladies want to see me try on some dresses?”

The answer from her bridal party was an unequivocal yes.

“This is a first,” James joked, standing in the dress shop and trying his best not to feel overwhelmed.

“You have Lily’s sizes?” Remus asked, obviously uncomfortable as he looked around the store.

“Yeah. I think they can get it fitted though. Right?” he asked the saleswoman waiting on them with thinly veiled amusement.

“Of course,” she reassured them.

James felt a wave of relief. Until the saleswoman smiled and asked: “What kind of dress are you looking for?”

James had honestly no idea and when he admitted that, his eyes started glazing over when the saleswoman started to talk through styles and colours – which didn’t make any sense anyway because the dresses were just all looking white to him.

“I really need to get this right,” James fretted, pulling at his hair.

“How about you just tell me about the bride,” the saleswoman said, smiling patiently at them. “And I’ll come up with some options to show you.”

“Yeah, brilliant, we’ll do that,” James said. “Umm, Lily has green eyes. Really stunning. And her hair’s beautiful; long and red –“

“Dark red,” Sirius specified. “She also has a fair complexion and a kind of slender-looking pear-shape body type.”

James raised his eyebrow at Sirius but held his tongue.

“All right, that helps,” the saleswoman nodded. “What else?”

“She’s amazing,” James said. “Brilliant. Very smart. Very focused. But she’s also really funny. Has a great sense of humour.”

“She has a bit of a temper,” Remus said. “But she’s also one of the kindest people I know.”

“She’s outspoken and stubborn. She knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it,” Sirius added. “And she’s a very warm person.”

“Great. We’ll keep all that in mind and have a look at the dresses, all right?” the saleswoman said.

James nodded and meekly followed after her.

After a while, the options started to blur. James was all but ready to take a break.

“Let me know if you need me to model any of these for you, mate,” Sirius called, trying to lighten up the mood.

The corners of James’ lips twitched. “Well since you volunteered…”

“This one is very classic,” the saleswoman said, pulling out yet another dress.

And this time, James could see it. He could picture Lily in that dress, clear as a day.

Before he had time to succumb to hesitation and second-guessing, he followed his gut.

“We’re taking this one.”

James had never been this stressed about anything in his life. His head felt ready to implode and his spirits had been down all week because not having Lily around was bloody awful. He was starting to resent the cameras, always butting in on everything.

“And what about the place cards?” he asked Remus.

Details like party favours or table settings or seating charts or place cards would’ve never even crossed James’ mind – or Sirius’, for that matter. 

Thank god they had Remus.

“I just rang the printing place and put in the order. The place cards should be ready to be picked up on Friday.

Sirius perked up. “Friday is the day! We are going to party like no tomorrow. It’ll be the best stag night ever!”

James laughed, feeling quite ready to knock back a couple of pints and let out some steam.

Until a horrible thought struck him.

“What about the hen night? Have we made any arrangements for the hen night?”

“Shit, I knew we were forgetting something,” Remus cursed.

James shot up from his chair. “Did we forget about the bloody hen night?”

“Well we need to come up with something and fast,” Sirius pointed out less than helpfully. “We only have two days till Friday.”

Remus said a few choice words that would have to be bleeped out in post-production.

James was pacing now, as if that would help him to outrun the panic.

“She wouldn’t want anything too rowdy,” he said, rubbing his temples.

“Right,” Remus agreed.

“It has to be something fun for her. I want her to let her hair down,” James continued.

“If you want her to be pampered just book a spa,” Sirius muttered.

James latched onto the idea with the desperation of a drowning man. “Spa day! That’s a thing, right?”

Remus’ fingers danced over the keyboard of his laptop as he did a quick google search.

“It is very much a thing,” he replied. “This one has a champagne lunch spa day for about a hundred quid per person.”

“Ring them,” James ordered Sirius. “See if they’re available.”

“On it.”

“Can we afford it?” James asked, turning to Remus who in turn started to consult his trusty spreadsheet.

“We might have to shift things around a bit. Maybe cancel the place card order and do them ourselves by hand. I think we could spare enough for five or six people.”

Sirius, still on the phone, gave James the thumbs up.

“Then we’ll do that,” James said, collapsing back into his chair. He turned to Sirius. “Book it for a party of six.”

Lily hadn’t been sure of the dress at first, but once she’d actually seen herself in the mirror, wearing it, she’d fallen in love with it. 

She, Marlene and Mary had been shaking their heads and rolling their eyes over James’ poor choice of footwear, however.

The shoes were pretty but the heels were far from comfortable and her toes were already feeling pinched.

But even that didn’t bother her, because this was her wedding day.

She had been nervous and giddy and worried and impatient when they’d got into the car back at the hotel.

Now, standing on the road leading up to an actual Scottish castle on a sunny June afternoon she mostly just felt surreal.

She couldn’t believe this was happening.

After three weeks of separation and mounting stress, they were finally here.

About to get married.

And from what she could see, everything looked amazing. She couldn’t be more proud of James.

The music – provided by an actual string duo – started up. The guests turned as one to look at Lily, who’d just arrived at the end of the aisle and looped her arm securely around her father’s.

Lily’s heart leapt in her chest as she looked across the cobbled yard to see James standing there, waiting for her near the front steps of a centuries-old castle, looking absolutely dashing in his tux.

Then he lifted his glasses to rub at his eyes and Lily guessed he was tearing up.

Lily squeezed her dad’s arm, smiled brilliantly at her waiting husband-to-be and started down the aisle, alight with happiness.  

[reelgalsofglasgow-blog]

The Golden Gals: The Reel Gals Academy Awards

The time has come. The envelopes have been sealed (with the right cards in each - we hope). We’ve been sewn into our best outfits. In lieu of an exuberant opening musical number featuring the ubiquitous James Corden, please enjoy a short clip of the best Oscars moment ever:

Honestly, if this year’s ceremony doesn’t open with just those fourteen seconds on a loop for a solid seven minutes, we’ll be sorely disappointed.

...

We know that all you’ll be thinking about now is that clip and basking in how gloriously weird it is… so maybe take a few minutes, watch that clip another eight or so times just to be sure; grab yourself a cuppa and settle in - because it’s time to announce our own Reel Gals Academy Award winners! The ‘Osc-hers’, if you will.

Ask any professional in TV - and they’ll tell you that the best entertainment always starts not with an idea or any spark of passion… but with a spreadsheet. Spreadsheets are the equivalent of Amino Acid for British TV programmes. Boring, but true. So we put together a spreadsheet listing each category and, depending on how many nominees, numbered them 1-5 (or 1-8 in Best Picture’s case) where 5 = favourite nominee. Then the magic spreadsheet worked out the average for us because damn, we’re not NASA.

With all our votes cast (unfortunately four of the categories had to drop as we just couldn’t get viewing copies in time - sorry Documentaries, Short Docs, Live Action Shorts and Foreign Language films!) our WhatsApp group chock full of planning for hectic last-minute trips to the cinema, trailer breakdowns, Spotify playlists, Adam Driver spam [Sorrrrry ~ Jen] and late night Netflix binges - we’re ready to present our own personal winners of each category - JUST in time for the ceremony itself.

Will we be as off-the-mark as the Academy not putting Emily Blunt up for a Lead Actress nomination for her stellar work in A Quiet Place? Or will it turn out that we are actually a collective of omniscient New Age Mystics, ordained by the gods of Hollywood themselves - imparting our sage wisdom and knowledge of the Future? Who can tell? Not us. (Or can we??)

So, get Red Carpet ready and join us for our 2019 Oscars picks and their close-fought runners-up, as voted for by us!

LEAD ACTOR

1. Christian Bale - Not gonna lie, it’s difficult to completely lavish Bale with praise considering that a major part of the prep in his transformation into the illusive Dick Cheney was “eating a LOT of pies”. If I was paid on the premise of my pie eating abilities, I’m pretty sure I would be up for an award too, just sayin’. Anyway, he does a pretty good damn job of depicting someone that no one really knows a great deal about in the first place, especially viewers outside the UK (I had to google him twice).  His flair for delivering an all consuming, intense and seminal performance is as apparent as ever despite the layers of latex and make up to contend with. Particularly during the heart attack scene in which I found myself worryingly questioning how much red meat and cream I’d had in the last month. It worth saying that his performance owes a great deal to the aforementioned hair and makeup team, whose work is nothing short of astonishing.  It’s literally the only Christian Bale film in which I’ve never been attracted to Christian Bale, for real.  Considering that his last Oscar win was in 2011 for The Fighter, another dramatic, transformative role then he might be in with a chance. The voters have shown time and time again that they award convincing portrayals of famous figures so I reckon It’s a toss up between Malek and Bale this year, although with utmost respect to Malek, I hope it’s the latter. [~Marie]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Viggo Mortensen 

3. Rami Malek

LEAD ACTRESS

1. Olivia Colman - So, I always hear “Olivia Colman can do no wrong” and I have to admit that The Favourite is absolutely no exception. I first stumbled across her while heavily invested in Peep Show during my late teens, but it was really in Broadchurch that I fell in love with her as an actor (and while watching her acceptance speech for her recent BAFTA win, I fell in love with her as a person). I know that us Reel Gals were definitely a little divided regarding The Favourite as an overall film, but I don’t think any of us will have any major qualms if she picks up the Oscar this weekend. Her performance and portrayal of Queen Anne more than deserve it, and I stumbled around looking for the perfect phrase to express this embodiment, and her ability to make us empathize with this rather “brutish” historical figure. In the end what sums it up is Colman’s lack of fear to exhibit ‘grotesque charm’ balanced with her open vulnerability in the role of Queen Anne that (along with the other female-lead performances) kept the film afloat for me. [~ Kayleigh]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Yalitza Aparicio

3. Lady Gaga

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

1. Mahershala Ali - Ali, to me is one of those faces (handsome faces) that, when you see, you can't quite put your finger on and when you IMDb search him you find yourself saying “Oh yeah, that's what he's in”, and to me that includes the fact that I forget about his Academy Award winning performance in Moonlight.  After Green Book I don't think I'll be forgetting him again and us Gals believe he should be receiving his second Oscar tonight to join his BAFTA and Golden Globe for the performance.  His portrayal of Classical and Jazz pianist Dr Don Shirley is the perfect accompaniment and antithesis to the uncouth Tony Lip portrayed by Viggo Mortensen.  I don't know enough about Dr Don Shirley to say that Mahershala embodies him, but I don't think that matters as much as the feeling watching his performance gives the viewer.  You can feel his frustration with Tony during their road trip, you can feel his loneliness in the hotels at night, you can feel his passion for music and playing the piano, you can feel his anger at how he is treated by the ignorant white southerners purely based on the colour of his skin and you can feel his love in the tear inducing final scene.  Any performance that can make me empathise with the emotions of an American male, mid-30s, black, upper-class, talented performer trying to overcome racism and ignorance in the American Deep South in the 60s (and if you hadn't guessed I fit none of those categories), is a powerful performance indeed.  Good luck Mahershala!   [~Robyn]

JOINT RUNNERS UP:

2. Richard E Grant / Adam Driver

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

1. Regina King - This may well have been the easiest category for me to vote on. (Even though I actually felt that this year showcased a whole lot of strongly-delivered performances, by so many talented women.) Regina King - wow - what a badass lady right there. I thought that the acting from all parties in If Beale Street Could Talk was so incredibly sincere, but especially that of King's. Together with the colour palette, soundtrack and cinematography, I was honestly so moved by the whole film (and am *entirely gutted* that it's been overshadowed by its competitors). I have only one complaint about IBSCT and that is that Regina King should have got more screen time. Everything I've seen King in I've loved and I have to admit that I was just happy to see this nomination, let alone think that her performance in IBSCT was flawless and even although she has some tough competition, that she fully deserves to win the Oscar. If Beale Street Could Talk represents love, passion, strength and power, whilst addressing themes such as race and equality - everything this film stands for, Regina King embodies in herself as a person and channels in her character, Sharon Rivers. It was refreshing to watch King and just believe her, believe in her character and believe in her as woman and a mother. You will forever be one of my heroes Regina, thank-you for sharing your talent. [~Katie]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Rachel Weisz

3. Emma Stone

BEST DIRECTOR

1. Spike Lee - I’m almost pained to admit that my first experience of a Spike Lee film only came about during my 3rd year of studying film at uni (for shame).  The module was ‘The Importance of Soundtrack’ and in particular, the inclusion of pop, hip-hop & R&B music to accentuate social commentary and help establish mood, setting and underlying tension that any director worth their salt can’t express through dialogue alone.  I remember leaving the tiny Gilmore cinema on a Tuesday afternoon having watched Do the Right Thing and feeling unusually energised, awake and slightly angry -  but in a good way. Cut to roughly 7 years later, I’m leaving Cineworld, on my 29th birthday, no less,  after a screening of BlacKkKlansman, still vibrating with anger and frustration 5 minutes after the film ended. It’s the most powerful last 10 minutes of a film, but it’s not Spike Lee’s best. Nor do I think it’s the best film of the year (although I’m possibly in the minority of my Reel Gals peers in saying that). However, in light of a barrage of recent injustices in the US  - social and political -  it cannot be considered anything less than a vital and timely film which (despite its shortcomings) deserves all the Oscar attention it gets. Lee is a complete master in his unique ability to inject comedy and style into a hard-hitting subject matter such as blind, racial hatred. Since next year will mark the 30th year since Lee’s first infamous Oscar snub, I feel like it’s only right that the academy should Do the Right Thing (heh, you see what I did there..?) and honour him for managing to stay angry (or #woke, if you prefer) and keeping us angry - in a good way. [~Marie]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Alfonso Cuarón

3. Yorgos Lanthimos

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

1. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse - If you were to pause this film on any frame, you could print it and hang it on your wall. Every single frame is a work of art. The Best Animated Feature category was extremely strong this year with the usual gorgeous Pixar and Disney outings that ordinarily would have snatched the title as they have done in previous years. Such is the power and unique brilliance of this film to take on the two Animation behemoths at their best and come out on top. Boasting twice the normal number of animators (177!!) to bring to life Phil Lord and Christopher Miller’s vision for Miles Morales’ colourful and diverse world, it utilises a glorious twist of new and old forms of animation as well as ideas from print - halftones, hatching and overprinting as well as inserting comic cells and onomatopoeic graphics (“THWIP!” and “BAGEL!” are particular favourites). Not only have we mixtures of frame-rates for characters within the same frame (Whaaaaat?!) to denote Miles’ initial clumsiness versus the other Spider-People’s practised grace; but we’re treated to mixtures of graphic styles with Manga, Noir and classic American cartoon for each of the Multi-Verse Spiders - which shouldn’t work, but does here so, SO well. It’s easy to understand how 10 seconds of final cut content took an entire year for 177 people to create. Lovely little touches like characters stepping into Noir’s space being affected by his immediate ‘windy’ environment and the hand-drawn overlays and inserted comic style frames make this the most exciting, innovative and beautiful-looking animated film not only of 2018 but we believe also of the last decade. It is a true cinematic experience and one that not only deserves the Oscar, but also deserves recognition for changing the landscape of what’s possible for film animation. Also, not going to lie - a lot of us came out of the film inexplicably attracted to Peter B Parker and wish he was real. We would buy that man as many bagels as he wants, for sure. [~Jen]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Isle of Dogs

3. Ralph Breaks the Internet

BEST ANIMATED SHORT

1. Bao - Pixar shorts. They are great. One of the Reel gooduns is, Bao. It’s kinda silly, it’s a bit weird, but ultimately it does what Pixar does best. It taps into very touching, emotional aspects of the human condition. Bao is a 2018 computer-animated short film written and directed by Domee Shi and produced by Pixar Animation Studios. It was released with Incredibles 2 on June 15, 2018. It’s the shortest film of the shorts-lineup. Focusing on a middle aged mother is a wonderful perspective to choose. The film is about an ageing Chinese-Canadian mother, suffering from empty nest syndrome. She receives a rather unusual second chance at motherhood when she makes a baozi dumpling that comes to life as a boy. The film takes you by surprise at several points, after being lulled into a place of “OK, maybe this human baozi is something I can get on board with”, but it ends on a beautiful note. So, as Danny Devito once put it: “I like it, I love it, I want more of it”. [~ Caroline]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Late Afternoon

3. One Small Step

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

1. BlacKkKlansman - Last year Get Out won the award for best original screenplay for its haunting, hilarious, terrifying, and almost ridiculously scary tale. Some thought this tale of fiction was too simple in its over-the-topness, but the message it wanted to pass was far from it. This year, the equally unbelievable and extremely important story of racism and bigotry comes in an adapted script form based on the true reports of police officer and KKK infiltrator Ron Stallworth. Released as a memoir in 2014 by Stallworth, screenwriters David Rabinowitz and Charlie Wachtel were shocked to find out that no studios even bothered buying the rights to this unbelievable tale and independently adapted the work. It’s not just a brilliant story cause of what happened. It’s not just an amazing comedy cause of the clever dialogue. Its ingenuity, lies on how contemporary this ‘period’ piece reads. From dialogue that feel as if you’re reading the latest Trump supporter’s tweets, to the unbelievable and unapologetic beliefs some have and march for even today. And in case quotes from the Grand Duke of the KKK like ‘I just want to make America great’ didn’t give the film a terrifying enough case of the ‘history is repeating itself’, the brilliant end scene sure does. Thank you for your public service, one day *hopefully* we’ll learn from past mistakes. [~ Lia]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Can You Ever Forgive Me?

3. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

1. Green Book - Well, I can genuinely say that Green Book is one of the most beautifully written and delivered films I have been blessed with watching at the cinema in a long time. Based on a true story, it invites the audience to join a world class African-American pianist and his Italian-American driver from the Bronx, on a concert tour of the Deep South in the 60′s - a difficult storyline, fraught with potential pitfalls, executed in a gentle and respectful way. Named after a legitimate travel guide that listed businesses that would accept African-American custom, Green Book confronts infuriating themes such as racism, segregation, class and sexuality – all of which are still issues today. The story encapsulates the growth of an unlikely partnership between the musician Dr Shirley (Mahershala Ali) and Tony Lip (Viggo Mortensen) – quick note to talk about how outstanding, heart-warming and believable their performances were – as with time, the begin to respect, understand and care for each other. [Obviously there are questions about why Green Book would frame a story about racism in the Deep South around a white man’s experience - and have the man of colour take a back seat. Literally. My takeaway from the film was mostly that people aren’t defined by their class as much as they aren’t by their colour - just because Dr Shirley is black does not mean he ought to fall into tired old stereotypes - just because Tony is poor (by comparison) and working class, doesn’t mean he can’t enjoy the ‘perceived spoils of the upper classes’ - classical music or any of the rest of it. Dr Shirley expands Tony’s experience and understanding with regards race - while Tony expands Dr Shirley’s in class. In a post-Brexit and Trump world, where working class people are feeling increasingly marginalised and are partaking in scapegoating of people of colour as a result, perhaps Green Book (however problematic it may still be) presents a message that might get through to those people in today’s political climate? But of course, all of this is my opinion as a lower middle-class white lassie from the UK. ~Jen] 

As such, Peter Farrelly, Brian Currie and Nick Vallelonga (notably Tony Lip’s son) presents us with a rather Hollywood (in other words: soft) version of this story, resulting in a mixed response for this film (not from us down at Reel Gals HQ, we loved it), however, he tries to carefully balance out the hard-hitting, dark scenarios that our duo face on the road with the cleverly written dialogue and characterisation running into some really special, incredibly warm moments of character-driven humour.  

All in all, I would say Green Book is a cinematically stunning piece of work as well as a story of growth and respect; a feel good film that deserves the Oscar (I'm going to give Roma a quick S/O, as I do believe that it it too would be a worthy winner). I can also say that Farrelly really surprised me after some of the (in my opinion) trash that he’s previously had his name on (Dumb and Dumber, I’m looking at you). You will leave the film feeling warm, with faith in cinema and the inability to stop thinking about how much you want to fold up an entire pizza and eat it like a sandwich – I know I did. [~ Katie]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Roma

3. Vice

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

1. Roma -  Rumour has it that the revolution will not be televised, and up until recently, the category for Cinematography was almost relegated to the ad-breaks. Why John Bailey, why? Thankfully, after a public ballyhoo, we will be able to see the award presented via live stream (as well as Editing, Live-Action Short, and Makeup and Hairstyling). So why is Cinematography so vital to us?

 Let’s go back forty-eight years for a moment. Director, Norman Jewison once talked about how he created the warm, earthy haze of Fiddler on the Roof (1971) with the director of photography, Oswald Morris. They lined a lens with a pair of brown nylons seen on a woman on set (hello, 1970’s Hollywood!). Though Jewison shrugged this story off as a lucky spur-of-the-moment decision, it was made and carried out to stunning effect. Watch it and see. Almost half-a century later, and cinematography has continued to thrive in ingenuity and style.

 The Reel Gals have come together to appreciate Alfonso Cuarón’s, cinematographic mastery in Roma. Originally, Emmanuel Lubezki was set to take on this task, but there was an availability clash. Cuarón took over as well as writing the screenplay and directing the film. Lubezki remained an influence to Cuarón who said in an interview with Variety that Lubezki’s voice was in the back of his mind as he worked.

Roma is a semi-autobiographical take on Cuarón's upbringing in the Colonia Roma neighbourhood of Mexico City. Cuarón said of his stylistic choices:

 “I would say it’s the ghost of the present that is visiting the past, without getting involved, just observing, not trying to make a judgment or commentary.”

 With this in mind, I can see why he shot it in black and white. Actually, he shot it in colour with the Alexa 65, then paired it back to black-and-white, like a photo-realistic painter. The effect of this is that the film is crisp, and each scene seems almost 3D. When you take the colour away, other senses become heightened. The sounds in Roma, for example, are so much more present. The less you see, the more you fill in with your mind. Strangely, things seem more vivid in black and white.

 I recommend this article as it gives much more information about the visual decisions which were made. All I can say at this point is that as viewers, we intuitively respond to what has been crafted for us, and this craft should be celebrated. Alfonso Cuarón has given us an incredible film which (like Fidder) will be talked about by new generations of Reel Gals in another fifty years.  [~ Caroline]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Never Look Away

3. A Star is Born / The Favourite

BEST FILM EDITING

1.Vice - Of all of the films shortlisted for the Oscars, one has stood out as being one with as many ideas laid out in the edit as it was in the writing and shooting of the piece. Hank Corwin makes use of syncopation like the greatest of musicians - very frequently going places creatively you would never expect… cuts to black; use of archive; the visuals quite often were at odds with the sound, but in the best possible ways. It is frantic, meta, fourth-wall busting, juxtaposition-filled mania with a persistent overarching feeling of extreme unease and increasing dread - perfectly fitting for Cheney’s journey into Power.[~ Jen]

RUNNERS UP:

2. BlacKkKlansman

3. Bohemian Rhapsody

BEST SOUND MIXING

1. Bohemian Rhapsody - So quickly, for those of you (like myself before casting my votes) who didn't know the difference between Sound Editing and Sound Mixing, Sound Editing is the creation and use of sound effects, Sound Mixing is the overall use of soundtrack including music, dialogue, sound effects, the whole shebang really.  Overall, although I thoroughly enjoyed Bohemian Rhapsody, I'm not sure I agree with the amount of award attention this movie is getting.  Maybe being a big Queen fan the movie left me feeling like it was mostly a celebration of them as a band and lacked any profound revelation.  However what can be truly marvelled at in this movie is the recreation of Freddie Mercury's performances; credit where it's due, Rami Malek did a great job of becoming him on screen; but the reproduction of that incredible voice and Queen’s Greatest Hits is what really makes the film what I would call “The Queen Experience”.  After seeing the movie and rediscovering an old love by listening to the soundtrack on repeat I noticed that it included live tracks and demos, and doing a bit of digging I discovered that for the concert scenes they used the real live sound from the concerts being recreated, in fact these sequences were chosen around the choice of recording (although don't quote me on that, my sources are from the internet, could be fake news).  Also, to make the Freddie Mercury voice perfect some of the recordings were mixed with Canadian Christian Rock artist Marc Martel whose voice is so similar you can barely tell the difference.  All of this attention to detail along with the cinematic surround sound effects means that for millennials like us, unfortunately too young to have seen Freddie perform live ourselves, can feel like we were actually at Live Aid (sorry Adam Lambert, you don't quite cut it).  That sounds award worthy to me. [~Robyn]

RUNNERS UP:

2. A Star is Born

3. First Man

BEST SOUND EDITING

1. First Man - As I mentioned above, for those of you who don't know, the Sound Editing category celebrates the creation and use of Sound Effects.  There are certain members of the Reel Gals that would disagree with me on my analysis of First Man - I found it boring and too long and to be 90% Ryan Gosling not really acting and mostly just being mopey (and this is coming from someone who loves Ry-Go as much as the next girl).  However I can appreciate that creating the illusion of space travel relies heavily on sound effects, on this I cannot fault the film.  Any scene that features people in the cockpit of a space rocket or bouncing about the face of the moon (spoiler - Neil Armstrong is the “first man” to take one small step for man and one… blah blah blah you know the rest), is beautifully soundtracked with what I imagine since I have never been to the moon, realistic sound effects. [Like Pavlov’s Dog - if I ever hear that intense rattling from this version of the cockpit of Apollo 11 again, I will take a serious whitey. ~Jen]  There are no dodgy Wilhelm Screams during the upsetting cockpit fire scene or Star Trek-like door “wooshes” here.  Now maybe if these types of sounds had been included I would have been more entertained, but the sound effects were so realistic and in the moon landing scene almost beautiful.  So well done to the sound team for keeping me too firmly in reality with this film. [~Robyn]

RUNNERS UP:

2. A Quiet Place

3. Bohemian Rhapsody

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN

1. Mary Poppins Returns - I thought it was impossible to make a new Mary Poppins film and that attempting to remake a classic was just Hollywood proving it had run out of ideas but in the case of Mary Poppins Returns’ production designer John Myhre strikes a fine balance of appealing to the old eyes who watched the original and the fresh new ones experiencing this story for the first time. If you’re the one wearing the nostalgia glasses then each and every set in this film will make you feel like the kid you were all those years ago - from the cobbled streets of the reimagined 1930s London to the whimsical wonder that is the upside down house. This is where Myhre’s talent shines as he pays homage to the old while never quite replicating it. The house of 17 Cherry Tree Lane still looks and feels as if it has been lifted from Emile Kuri’s original designs but feels reimagined, the fingerprints of Michael Banks life as an adult are prevalent in every room - especially in the attic. Taking a trip up there feels like throwing yourself back in time filled with a clutter of old easter eggs that would thrill any fan of the first film - you don’t have to look far to spot the blocks used by Julie Andrews in ‘Spoonful of Sugar’ or the sash worn by Jane’s mum and of course the most notable throwback of all - the kite. In the end, this is a real house for a real man, in real depression who has lived a very real life but then cue Mary Poppins. The drab, brown and grey colour palette across the set bursts into colour as her mere presence turns this gritty reality into a magical fantasy. The mix of fantasy and reality blends seamlessly together so much so that even the expertly recreated scenes like Big Ben’s tower have a flare of magic to them.

I hadn’t realised until the credits started to roll that somewhere along the way I had taken my nostalgia glasses off and started to view this film as its own entity. Through beautifully crafted sets that meld seamlessly into the classic stylings of the animations, meticulous in detail, it captures the spirit of its predecessor but has an identity very much of its own. So, now I am prepared to eat my earlier retort and believe in the words of Mary Poppins herself - “everything is possible, even the impossible.”  [~Isla]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Black Panther

3. The Favourite

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

1. Shallow - A Star is Born - I have to admit, I’m rather gutted that All The Stars missed out on our number one spot (thanks Gals) but Shallow undoubtedly is a bit of a banger. “Is there somethin’ else you’re searching for” - Shallow poetically (when I say poetically, I mean pretty darn obviously) offers the audience an insight to both Ali and Jackson’s character growth throughout the film: Ali, looking to get more out of her life than it was offering her and Jackson, his deterioration in light of his dying career (is that a spoiler? Surely not!). Don’t get me wrong, I loved A Star is Born and genuinely think Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper *pauses for Bradley Cooper’s voice* have an undeniable connection, the way they perform together - both in this song and the film as a whole - left me with chills (an opinion shared by fewer than half of the Reel Gals) [I may have hated the film, but that won’t stop me beltin’ this mother out at the karaoke ~ Jen] - Shallow will live on and I am sure will be leaving with Academy award, however in my opinion, it’s not particularly inspiring or lyrically imaginative. Still love you, Gaga. [~ Katie]

RUNNERS UP:

2. All The Stars - Black Panther

3. The Place Where Lost Things Go - Mary Poppins Returns

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE

1. BlacKkKlansman by Terence Blanchard - BlacKkKlansman marks the 19th project and 30th year of a Spike Lee/Terence Blanchard partnership and wowzers! Blanchard has composed a score that beautifully enhances the exquisite direction of Lee, capturing a sound that really drives the audience’s emotion throughout the film. Although I found it almost impossible to choose between all the nominations for Best Score, Blanchard has stolen top spot at the Reel Gals’ Academy Awards and to be honest, rightfully so! Terence Blanchard uses “his passion and desire to serve the story” when it comes to anything he composes, which is just one of the reasons he is fully deserved of the Oscar when it comes to the BlacKkKlansman score. He pulls in influences of Hendrix with the electric guitar (which in my opinion really captures Ron Stallworth’s character as a whole) and couples it with the power of brass, a combination that successfully delivers both chilling and comedic moments – alluding to what the audience should be feeling, rather than being on the nose. Terence Blanchard had the responsibility of composing for an unbelievable and haunting TRUE story and respectfully does so, joining Spike Lee in telling the a story of hate from the 70s and leaving the audience with the hard-hitting truths that we still deal with similar hate, even now. [~ Katie]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Mary Poppins Returns by Marc Shaiman & Scott Wittman

3. Black Panther by Ludwig Goransson

BEST MAKEUP AND HAIR

1. Vice - Makeup and hair are such a crucial part of building the characters we see on screen - they help the actors embody the person they’re playing (literally!). The outcry when the Academy dared to suggest that they might bump this and other critical categories (Cinematography and Editing to name a couple for gawd’s sake - HOW DO YOU MAKE A FILM WITHOUT THOSE??!) to being hidden in the ad breaks was so vehement - and rightly so. I don’t know how many times I walked past the poster and ad screens for Vice and had next to no recognition at all for any of the main cast. When I eventually read the names under the pictures, I remember very loudly going “WHAT?! WHAAAAAAT?! all the way down the escalator in our local Cineworld (my partner can attest to his embarrassment at my outburst)… Steve Carell, Sam Rockwell, Amy Adams… and then we have Christian “So Method” Bale. 

Some people might argue that his transformation was mostly down to, as Marie suggests in our Lead Actor category, his increased pie intake and his unmatched ability to give himself over completely to the character.  But without the design and hard work every day of Greg Cannom, Kate Biscoe and Patricia Dehaney, he would have just been “Thicc, Evil Christian Bale” - not an almost-indistinguishable-from-the-real-thing embodiment of political monster Dick Cheney. 

There is an absolutely excellent article I found in which Cannom talks website Vox through his design and daily process and it’s frankly incredible. < find it here >  More incredible still, once he had a cast of Bale’s head (whom he says was wary of the process of SFX makeup and prosthetics as he hadn’t done it before) he only had two weeks to design and build the various ages of Cheney onto Bale’s very differently-shaped head. The quality of the skin (given a sweaty shine by an application of KY Jelly as a final step to the process, hilariously) is impeccable; the build of the silicone to completely change the shape of Bale’s face is grotesquely gorgeous. Across the board this is one of the most impressive examples of practical makeup and hair SFX I’ve ever seen - and in an age of CGId top lips to remove stubborn moustaches and digital de-ageing processes getting more and more advanced, this film proves the practical way is as strong and vital as ever and fully deserving of taking centre stage - on air - at the Oscars. [~Jen]

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

1. Black Panther - I couldn’t possibly pretend to be an expert on costume design or on the numerous African Tribal influences that have given these costumes their heart and soul. But, I can say that while watching Black Panther I was utterly blown away with the attention to detail, combined with the bold bursts of colour and creativity. I also can’t explain my sheer relief and empowerment of watching fierce female characters kick ass without the carbon copy, over sexualized outfit with matching heels. Now I don’t want my first blog post to cause too much of a divide, but I’m definitely referring to my eye roll during Wonder Woman right after I spotted those raised golden beauties... and just for the record, I actually loved Wonder Woman (and I love heels) but it was just so refreshing, and practical, without losing any of the superhero escapism we all long for.  The head costume designer Ruth E. Carter absolutely fulfilled all my ‘tribal-warrior-female-fantasy’ dreams (is that a category from RuPaul’s Drag Race?) and I left the cinema envious of her talent. Some of the costumes were literally pieces of wearable art and will no doubt be celebrated as such. [~ Kayleigh]

JOINT RUNNERS UP:

2. The Favourite / Mary Poppins Returns

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

1. Ready Player One - This was one of the most difficult categories to vote for. All five films brought amazing innovations in the art of cinema and definitely deserve to be recognised for them and you know what, Reel Gals will! First Man combined a mixture of diverse sources for its aesthetic; visual effects, special effects, and even archival footage of the NASA launch. Solo gave us the perfect visual effect adaptation of the legend that Star Wars fans everywhere know as the 12 parsecs run. Christopher Robin created a photoreality mixed with shot on location footage so good, that its parody Trainspotting mashup video attests to its VFX perfection. Avengers: Infinity War had two different effects teams (TWO!) building the most realistic performance from Brolin’s onset one and could possibly land Marvel with their first ever effects Oscar. However, Ready Player One, created an entire virtual world that immersed characters and viewers alike by combining effects with animation. Remember The Overlook Hotel part from The Shining in the film? The blood? The scary twins and old lady turned into a zombie? That’s right, hand them that award now and then in true Mean Girls fashion, break it up and share with the rest. You’re all VFX queens. [~Lia]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Avengers: Infinity War

3. First Man

Which leaves us with just one more award to lay out… it’s the big’un. Can you guess what it might be, from our voting habits above?

BEST PICTURE

1. BlacKkKlansman - Winning our Best Picture vote - based on a true story, BlacKkKlansman is a spectacularly timely look at institutional and societal racism and bigotry - holding a mirror up squarely in the face of modern audiences. Set against the backdrop of the Ku Klux Klan’s ‘organised hate’ in 1970’s Colorado, it is equal parts horrifying and hilarious; poignant and relevant. The performances are compelling and perfectly balanced - most notably, the relationship between buddy cops John David Washington’s ‘Ron Stallworth’ and Adam Driver’s ‘Flip Zimmerman’ is nuanced and brimming with mutual respect, both for one another in character and as actors. The two have spectacular comic timing - but they both also boast the finely-honed acting chops to carry the Singularity-strength gravity of the themes presented by Ron Stallworth’s incredible true story. The beautifully-composed shots and off-kilter score compliment Spike Lee’s characteristically brave and politically-biting choices as director, exemplified particularly in the closing scene of his latest Joint, which (after a moment of levity and possibly the biggest laugh of the film) is affecting, desperately sad and deeply terrifying - and will stay with you for a long time.     [~ Jen]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Green Book

3. Roma

And that’s that. The audience’s sugar levels are low… The ‘get off the stage’ music has started playing… and the awards organisers are threatening to cut to an ad break. But before they can send the heavies onto the stage to forcibly remove us - it’s NOT OVER YET - *grabs microphone*  here are some nominations we would have added:

BEST PICTURE: First Man [Genuinely thought this was a shoe-in! ~Jen]

BEST SONG: Sunflower by Post Malone & Swae Lee for Spider-Verse [Honestly, the entire score for Spider-Verse was spectacular and I'm gutted it didn't get a nomination either, although it was tough enough as it is for best original score, as all nominations are stunning - BUT BEST SONG, where is this nomination? And WHY, GOD WHHHY is ‘I'll Fight’ on there? It genuinely made me want to pull out my eyeballs ~ Katie] [Couldn’t agree more. Ruth Bader Ginsberg deserves more than this old-fashioned early 2000s-style credit-roller ballad. You’re better than this, J-Hud. ~ Jen]

LEAD ACTRESS: Emily Blunt for A Quiet Place

LEAD ACTRESS: Viola Davis for Widows 

LEAD ACTOR: John David Washington for BlacKkKlansman [This omission I think has slightly tarnished Driver’s well-deserved nomination for Best Supporting; with a lot of people asking why the ‘white guy is the only one to receive an acting nom from a film about a black man’s struggles with the KKK’. I would suggest that Driver’s character Flip, as DJW’s character Ron states: “Also has skin in the game”, being Jewish - it’s hardly him doing a ‘Scarlet Johansson’, given the point of the story is that he’s Ron’s proxy and crucial to his takedown of the chapter. But then it *is* difficult to argue that the intentions of the Academy were (whether subconsciously or not) entirely well-intentioned on the matter of not including Washington in the nominations. ~ Jen]

LEAD ACTOR: Steve Carell for Beautiful Boy

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Steve Carell (again - what a year he’s had!) for Vice

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Timotheé Chalamet for Beautiful Boy

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Danai Gurira for Black Panther

VISUAL EFFECTS: Welcome to Marwen [This!! ~ Kayleigh]

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: Whitney [I would also say the editing of this was fantastic, if it's good enough for the Edinburgh Film Festival then it’s good enough for an Oscar consideration ~Robyn]  

And despite the outwardly more-diverse-than-usual (which still isn’t saying much) nominee list this year thanks to an extremely influential #OscarsSoWhite campaign and hopefully the beginnings of a turning of the tide for Hollywood (we hope - it's about bloody time something improved) - it seems the Academy aren’t quite there with equality and representation yet...

BEST DIRECTOR: A woman. Any women, for goodness’ sake. It’s 2019! A nod to Glasgow-born Lynne Ramsay for You Were Never Really Here, Marielle Heller for Can You Ever Forgive Me? and Debra Granik for Leave No Trace. Just in case the Academy didn’t think they had enough choice! [~Marie]

At time of writing, the other main awards events for the year have been and gone - and the differences in nominations and winners laid out by the Oscars, BAFTAs, Globes and Critics’ Choice nominees lists vs the reality of women’s film work in 2018 are still quite stark - specifically in contrast with events like the Independent Spirit Awards - (admittedly films like Green Book and blockbusters etc wouldn’t qualify) - who lavished their awards last night on films like If Beale Street Could Talk; You Were Never Really Here, Leave No Trace and Sorry to Bother You - notably with many of the winners crying out for more female representation in the nominations for Directing and other categories in film in general.

2018 was the strongest year for representation of women in film yet - with places like the BFI Film Festival presenting more female-led films than ever before in its history and how vociferous the support is getting for equal opportunity and recognition - importantly not only from women - in calling out these omissions-by-gender, here’s hoping the Academy will catch on. Eventually.

But until that time… thanks for joining us for our little pre-Oscars ceremony and our first proper blog! Cheers for reading, sharing and any hits of the like button are greatly appreciated… Thank you to the Academy… we’d also like to thank our parents, everyone who believed in us, Adele Dazeem, dogs (all of them) for being excellent...

*Rugby-tackled by security guards and dragged off-stage*

Xx ~ The Reel Gals

(Find us on instagram: reel_gals_of_glasgow | twitter: ReelGalsGlasgow)

[kiruuuuu]

No worries, anon from a previous post! I got you ♥♥ (Rating T, fluff, ~1.5k words)

.

Thermite is kissing Castle. And panicking.

It’s a little like tripping and falling, one moment he’s walking normally without paying any attention to doing so, his subconscious, his muscle memory more than up to the task of carrying him safely where he wants to go yet the next, he stumbles over something and now he’s on the ground and confused as to how he got there. Only in this case, he wasn’t walking but rather basking in Castle’s presence after they spent the day carrying moving boxes. Thermite’s last flat wouldn’t have allowed pets and since he’s planning to adopt a dog soon, he was forced to move – he normally hates doing it, gets exhausted even thinking about all the effort involved and doesn’t trust himself not to cut corners and end up with twenty unmarked boxes which either rot away in a corner while he proceeds to buy everything that’s buried somewhere again because he can’t be bothered to look for it or he just dumps all their contents into a drawer and forgets about it all till he has to move again.

This time, Castle helped him with organising all his belongings, made sure to pack the breakables in a way that they’re not going to live up to their name, labelled each box clearly, ensured none of them ended up too heavy and even assisted in taking Thermite’s furniture apart for transport. He’s been there throughout the entire journey, advised Thermite in choosing a new bed frame, asked around until they could be sure enough people would be around that day to help carry and transport everything, and stayed long after everyone has left just so Thermite can comfortably live in his new apartment for a few days while unpacking.

So they’ve been doing that, just walking around in the large flat which is much bigger than Thermite is used to but since it’s on the outskirts of the city, it’s even cheaper than the one he was in previously, talking and joking, Castle making a few last, highly appreciated suggestions on where to put what and then Thermite stumbled over something and now he’s kissing Castle and confused as to how he got there.

A thumb is brushing over his ear, warm fingers are in the nape of his neck, soft lips slide over his and it’d be lovely if Thermite’s brain wasn’t going fuck fuck fuck non-stop. They’re in the middle of his corridor, somehow got stuck on each other, the rooms around them silent, and Castle’s tongue licks over his lower lip, asks for entry which Thermite grants and touches his with an almost electric feeling, charging Thermite. The litany inside his head upgrades to FUCK FUCK FUCK and when an arm snakes around his waist to pull him a little closer, he panics.

.

“I kissed Miles yesterday evening”, Thermite says.

“Honestly, just shove them somewhere onto the shelf, Jordan doesn’t care if they’re sorted by author”, Ash directs Pulse around the room and earns a pained expression – the idea of not sorting books by anything makes Pulse visibly uncomfortable.

“Where is Miles, anyway? Shouldn’t he be here by now?” He reluctantly sets a second book down on the wooden surface and uncertainly looks back at Ash to see whether it gets her approval.

Thermite is getting irritated. This is a big deal and both of them are just ignoring him. “Did you hear what I just said?”

“Yeah. What do you mean, kissed, is that some sort of euphemism? Oh my God Jack, if it kills you to not put them in order, just sort them. Make a spreadsheet for them too, if you like.”

“What? A euphemism? No, I literally kissed – are you even listening?”

His annoyance must be audible because Ash pauses, stops rummaging around in a half-empty box and turns to him. “I’m sorry. It sounds important, so go on. I’m listening.”

Thermite blinks. “That’s it. I kissed him. I don’t know what to do now.”

She cocks her head inquisitively. “I’m not sure I follow. Did anything else happen?”

“Anything else? Fuck’s sake, Liza! I frenched Miles completely out of the blue, isn’t that enough? What more do you want?”

Both his friends are quiet now, halting their movements and looking at him strangely. “What’s that supposed to mean?”, Pulse wants to know. “Do you normally not kiss? Does either of you not like it?”

Thermite is starting to feel like he’s in the twilight zone. “No, we normally don’t kiss, we’ve never kissed, we’re just friends. Am I supposed to tongue wrestle with all my friends?”

“Oh”, says Ash and something is odd about her tone of voice. “You’re not -” She breaks off and only continues once Thermite’s eyebrows lift. “You’re not dating?”

What. “Why would you think -”

“You regularly sleep over at each other’s place”, Pulse points out matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, he has a PS4 and I have an Xbone, it’s just easier that way, we can stay up later and play more.”

“You also spend almost every waking minute together.”

“Yeah. Like I said: I have an Xbone, he has a PS4. What else would we do?”

“You danced together on Blitz’ birthday.”

“We were both drunk.”

“When Miles was injured, you refused to leave his side and even hid under his bed.”

“No one deserves to be alone in a hospital.”

“You touch each other all the time. He adjusts your clothing, you steal his sunglasses, he makes that rasping noise with his gloves and your beard that you love so much, you sleep on his shoulder whenever you can.”

“Look, we’re just really good friends, alright?”

Ash fixes him with a scrutinising stare. “Except for the fact that you apparently frenched him.”

Thermite is starting to get a headache. “Did everyone think we were dating? Does he think we’re dating?”

“I’d say that depends on how the story ends. What happened after you kissed him?”

“I threw him out.” Pulse snorts while Ash pinches the bridge of her nose. Apparently that wasn’t the correct answer. “Look, I was in a panic, I didn’t know what was happening, so I told him I didn’t need his help today after all and good night and thank you.”

“Why did you even kiss him in the first place?”

“He smelled nice.” Now Pulse is openly laughing whereas Ash regards him with exasperation. “Look. He’s handsome and smelled nice and I haven’t kissed anyone in quite a while and he was there.”

“You’re a fucking idiot”, the redhead tells him while rolling her eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’re being almost painfully obtuse.”

“Oh, are you insinuating what I think you’re insinuating? Because you’re wrong.”

“Whatever you say, Jordan, I’ll just continue unpacking your stuff. Hey look, it’s the pictures you took with Miles when you went on that weekend trip to London. I didn’t know you had them framed.”

“I like this book series”, Pulse adds and points to a trilogy which has quite obviously been extensively read. “Miles does, too, he’s the one who recommended it to me.”

“Wasn’t it Miles who got you these Superhero themed shot glasses?”, Ash asks sweetly. “They’re your favourite, aren’t they?”

Thermite’s headache is getting worse. Clearly, inviting them over was a mistake. “You know what, if you’re gonna be like this, I’ll just do my own thing. Somewhere else.” He drags one of the boxes to the other end of the expansive living room while shooting his friends a dirty look which is met with amused grins. This is not something he wants to figure out right now, he’s had a stressful few days and still so much to do. He’ll think about it once all of it is over. When he has the time. He opens the box and is greeted by his Xbox, sitting innocently next to a row of games that he’s almost never played alone.

Wordlessly, he gets up and walks towards the door and when Ash asks him where he’s going, he doesn’t answer.

.

Thermite is kissing Castle. And smiling.

It’s a little like tripping, falling and being caught by someone, one moment he’s walking normally and the next he’s stumbling all over himself, his feet having forgotten how this ‘walking’ thing is supposed to work, he’s frantic and flailing, looking for support and now he’s in someone’s arms and deeply grateful for it. Only in this case, he wasn’t walking but rather saying things that should’ve been said much earlier, unsure as to how to put them, frantic and flailing and now they’re kissing for the second time and he’s basking in Castle’s presence.

This time, he doesn’t panic when he’s pulled closer. This time, he reciprocates and his tongue asks for entry and Castle is also smiling now.

[concerningly-murder-y]

Campe Fucking Diem - part 2

Marina and Avis knelt on the floor, scrubbing the floors of the mess hall with toothbrushes dejectedly, Marina was humming aggressively. "This sucks. This is the kind of peasant work my parents left their home country to avoid," Max grumbled. "Yeah, I don't get the point, what good is rolling around on the floor if it's clean?" Nikki agreed. "I agree, I've been through two whole musicals in my head already, two! Do you know how long those things are? Oh, and Avis keeps cleaning in the shapes of pentagrams." Marina complained, gesturing to Avis who was glaring at Quartermaster, not once blinking or looking down while she still managed to create a perfect pentagram shape. Which was honestly concerning as they had to deduce it was probably from practice of drawing sacrificial signs without looking and if so, how the hell did she spend her spare time? "I think she wants to sacrifice David," Marina said. "Fine by me," Max enabled with a sarcastic, cheerful tone. "This isn't even part of a sanctioned camp activity. This is child labour," Neil accused. Erid walked past them at that moment and they all followed her with their eyes (except Avis who was still glaring) as she leaned against the wall nonchalantly. Waving her fringe with a soft hum. "Man, Erid never gets yelled at for not working, she's just too cool. I wish I was her," Nikki fawned. "Erid?" Neil repeated, "like a dried desert climate?" Marina continued for him and he turned to her with a drawn out gasp of awe. Eyes widening at her display of intelligence, "IQ level above common stupidity." He whispered, high pitched. Staring at Marina, flustered, while she remained oblivious. "I think her real name is Meridith but she's just so frickin' cool she goes by the middle part of her name. Oh," she perked up, "I wonder if I should try that. Ikk," she tested, "Oooh, yeah." "That's fuckin' stupid, nicknames don't make you cool." Max scoffed. "Psh, spoken like a true first part nicknamer," Nikki mocked. "Yeah, Maxinne." Marina said. "No one's too cool to talk to, even cool kids take giant, uncomfortable shits from time to time. Helps remind you that were all equal." Max reasoned. "Inspiring Maxinne, truly inspiring. I wonder if the counsellors share your opinion." Marina mused sarcastically. "Hey you chillen' cut your yammerin' and get back to scrubbin'," Quartermaster's grumbling interrupted them, further proving Marina's point. They all began cleaning again bitterly. "If we were in charge, things would be so much better. No scrubbing, no outdoors." "No David." Max suggested into Neil's angry rant, "no laws against sacrificial rituals." Avis joined in, everyone turned to her, giving her looks of slight fear and uncomfortableness. "What?" She asked dumbly. "We should just revolt." Neil huffed, Max sat up, realisation coming over his features. "Know what? You're right," He stood up and began yelling, "aren't you all sick of this lowly work?! It's time we take control of our lives and fight back! Who's with me?" He rallied, everyone cheered along with him. They overpowered the quartermaster and tied him up to a chair, reeking havoc in the lack of authoritative figures. Marina was dancing and mouthing wildly into her toothbrush, uncoordinated and undignified. Avis jumping up and down on the quartermasters head, a look of sadistic glee on her face as she cackled. "We got ourselves an uprisin'," Quartermaster yelled at the opened door and everyone turned, smiling cynically at David and Gwen paused in the doorway. Avis jumped down onto the floor with a dramatic thud, still grinning maniacally.

David and Gwen were currently tied up to the Camp Camp flag pole, David was tied upside down as per Avis' request. "Max, I am very disappointed in you, but I'm also torn, because you were clearly paying attention in knot tying class." David attempted to scold him. "Actually that was all Marina and Avis. They know a lot about tying up bodies surprisingly." Nikki informed. Marina and Avis smirked, low high-fiving. "You need to know, where I'm from." Marina said cynically, her Australian accent clear. "Well that's slightly ominous." David said in a weak voice before he was slapped by Max. "Shut up! We're in charge now, Davie. The camp is ours!" He spoke villainously, causing a bunch of cheers and yells from the campers. "This is just like Les Mis, I love it!" Preston fangirled eagerly. "Don't make this lame Preston." Max scolded. "Max let us down now, Cameron Campbell is coming to camp tomorrow and we need to get ready." David pleaded desperately. "Oh even better. You'll definitely be fired once he sees the state the camp is in. Or will be in." He said. "Come on everyone." "Oh Gwen we have to stop them!" David said, "yeah, I refuse to sit up here for the next 24 hours." Gwen ranted angrily, Neil reached up and tucked an iPad into the ropes in front of her face, streaming videos of reality junk TV. And thus, Gwen was successfully dealt with. She gasped, "oh my gosh, trash TV." She drooled, pressing her face against the screen. "Gwen! Gweeenn!" David cried dramatically as Marina and Avis walked away.

"Alright free men, now that the revolution is complete, it's time to choose our new leader, obviously I will happily take-" "I vote Erid!" Max's speech in front of everyone on his stage was interrupted as Nikki eagerly yelled. "What?" Max yelled. "Cool," Erid said, "I vote Erid as vell, she is strong und passionate, und so cool!" Dolph jumped up happily and everyone cheered in agreement. "Woah, woah, woah, hold the hell up. Did you nerds forget who revolutionised this place? I should be leading you. Not sports Barbie over here." Max argued. "If I remember correctly it was Neil who suggested the idea." Marina piped up lazily and Neil gasped at her words, bouncing on his heels as his eyes shimmered with happiness, "recognition," voice a high octave in disbelief and excitement as he whisper yelled. "And Erid's charisma modifier is like plus ten!" Nerris argued. "Thanks Nerris." Erid thanked cooly. "That's cool of you to say." "I wanna be cool too Erid!" Nikki burst out desperately. "Sure thing Nikki, everyone can be cool at Camp Cool Kidz!" Erid encouraged nicely, "oh! I love that name!" Preston yelled happily. "No!" Max shouted indignantly. "You're gonna get taken advantage of by the one percent. Rage against the machine, fight the power nine/eleven!" Max attempted to rally the campers to rebel, futilely. "Progressive buzzvords can't save you now." "But Erid doesn't have the spreadsheet software to manage-" Neil piped up but was interrupted by an awestruck Nikki, "that's 'cause spreadsheets aren't cool. Right Erid?" Erid paused for a moment as wind rustled around her cooly. "Right." "I vote Erid too!" Space Kid put his hand up eagerly. "No you don't." "No I don't." Space kid agreed with Max blindly. The campers laughed and cheered as they followed Erid, Max snagging Nikki's arm to hiss at her angrily, "what the hell's wrong with you, traitor?!" "I'm sorry! You said to talk to her, and uh, I panicked, so I just voted for her!" She apologised. "You'll regret this." "Yo, Nikki. I got you a pair of cool sunglasses." Erid twirled the shades in between her fingers promisingly. "...Nah, I don't think so." Nikki told Max before running off. He growled angrily. "Hey, Marina you can come too if you want. You could play us some sick beats." Marina contemplated thoughtfully but was saved the trouble of coming to a decision when Max hissed through gritted teeth. "Don't. You. Dare." Marina narrowed her eyes at his rudeness but shrugged and declined, "nah," Erid shrugged, "hey, gotta be loyal. I get that." She smiled softly at her and finger gunned her with respect. "Avis? I think you jacket is totally cool. I have some spares if you'd like some?" She turned to her and smiled briefly, her hair waving with the motion of her head, Avis blushed, surprised at the offer. She turned to Marina. "Sorry." She whispered, but Marina shook her head, "no, I get it. Gotta be gay. Go, make me proud." She gave her a thumbs up, clapping her on the shoulder supportively and Avis saluted her with two fingers.

In the Mess Hall everyone was partying happily, Avis was wearing a new leather jacket with studs and was admiring it happily. Erid and Nikki were at a couch, Erid fiddled with the Quartermaster's hook idly, throwing it where it landed with a thud and Nurf commented, "bullseye!" To which Erid acknowledged, "cool." "Everyone's so much happier now, thanks to you!" Nikki said, "how're the plans for the giant half-pipe coming?" Erid turned to her, Nikki unrolled some plans. "Should be ready to build as soon as we learn basic architecture. What a cool idea, Erid" she complemented. "I know, think of all the sick 900's we could do off that thing." "Yeah! I totally know what that is!" Nikki lied eagerly. "Erid, it's cold and boring outside." Nerris complained, "I cast an invisibility charm to conceal David and Gwen, can we come inside for a bit?" She implored. "Oh, totally, Magic Dudes. In fact..." She stood up, "everyone gets a break!" She clapped and disco balls fell from the ceiling and strobe lights flashed, "dance party!" She called.

Meanwhile, in the midsts of the forest Neil and Space Kid were huddled around a fire, chanting repeatedly while Marina sang tribal sounding words in time with their chant. "Fellow freemen." Max emerged from the shadows, black painted around his eyes and decorating his naked chest. "There comes a time when a group must fight back against tyranny. Like the Minutemen of the revolution, we will fight for our independence!" He pound his fist into his hand. "Minuteman. Mommy calls Daddy that when they argue." Space Kid replied dumbly. "...I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this." Neil said unsurely. "I am. Completely. Time to turn passive aggressive into violent aggressive." Marina narrowed her eyes. "Silence! We're gonna hit Camp Cool Kidz with everything we've got!" Max shushed him, "freebrother Neil. What've you got?" Max finished lamely. Neil drew out two bombs and Marina started and took a step back, "woah!" "I was saving these to put in David's underpants." "Nice." Marina commented and Neil blushed a deep red, fumbling with the bombs as he laughed breathily, sighing lovingly. Marina remained blindly oblivious. "Perfect." Max said, referring to the explosives. Space Kid drew put two pine cones, "I was saving these to-" "no one cares" Max dismissed him, "here's how it'll work. Space Kid is the most expendable, so he'll be our decoy." Marina patted Space Kid's shoulder pityingly.

Avis was kneeled beside David, a suspiciously red pentagram was drawn beneath him as he snored and beside her was an opened can of gasoline, some knives, and a book. She reached a hand under her beanie and drew out a matchbox, striking a match against the side, waiting for it to catch alight. Suddenly, a mob of angry campers charged past, chasing Space Kid while yelling war cries, waking David who immediately asked, "what are you kids doing?" Disapprovingly. Nikki, who followed the angry mob, answered him happily, "we're gonna kill Space Kid!" "Oh! I wanna!" Avis shouted eagerly, she dropped the matches in favour of sprinting to join the mob. The matches landed on the ground just as they sparked and set alight. "What? No!" David yelled after them desperately, shrieking as he noticed the lit match rolling close to a spilled puddle of gasoline. "Aaah, help!" His voice rose in a girly pitch and he desperately blew at the flame, trying to extinguish the threat to his life, yelping as his attempts caused a small fire on some grass, dangerously close to the spill. He whimpered. They ran into the forest after Space Kid who was standing behind a blanket of leaves, holding his pine cones up. "We've got you now! Let's saw him in half!" Harrison yelled ferociously. They charged at him but fell as they crossed the leaves which gave way to reveal a trap, Avis came up behind them having been slower. "Aaw, man. I always miss the cool stuff." Avis complained, Marina stepped out of the shrubbery. "If you want cool stuff you could jump and we could reenact the last scene of Titanic?" Marina offered, Avis considered for a moment before shrugging and leaping into the whole with her arms stretched out. "I'll never let-!" Marina cut off as she drew her arms back from being ready to catch Avis, allowing her to fall into the hole with a thud and a monotonous "ow." "That's fair." Avis called up. "Woah, awesome!" Nikki complimented as she came across the trap. Erid crossed her arms and coughed pointedly. "I mean, you fiend!" Nikki corrected. "You're the fiend!" Max snarled, revealing himself. Neil hugged his bare chest uncomfortably, Marina noticed their serious faces and hurried to pose angrily too. "What do YOU losers want?" Erid asked, annoyed. "JUSTICE!" Neil yelled, trying to look cool in front of Marina. "You guys are here to rescue me?!" Poor, sweet, naive David. He's still almost on fire, by the way. "NO. Shut up, David." "Aw." David whined at Max's response. "Pssh, I'd like to see you try and fight us." Erid insulted. "Gladly." Max spun around his spear, narrowly missing Neil and Marina who leaned backwards like she was doing the limbo with a squawk. The spearhead flew off and crashed somewhere, breaking some random glass and probably hurting a duck (judging by the quack). "Nikki... Attack." Erid commanded and Nikki dropped to all fours. "BARK BARK BARK!" She and Max circled each other dramatically, Max holding the spear warily. The sun rose slowly behind them, enhancing the dramatic scene. "No fighting! Violence never solves anything!" David attempted, "STAB HER, BITCH!" Gwen cheered, looking at her screen with sadistic glee. Nikki launched herself at Max with a growl, he threw her off using his stick but she charged again, snapping ferociously at his weapon. "WOOH!" Marina cheered from the sidelines, chewing on some random nuts she had found like popcorn. "YOU GOT THIS MAXINNE!" Then speaking to Neil out of the corner of her mouth in a loud whisper. "He don't got this." "Nikki, give it up, she doesn't care about you! She just uses people!" Max tried to sway Nikki. "Don't listen to him, Nikki!" Erid yelled. "Don't worry Erid! I know it's not true!" Nikki shouted back positively. "Uh, no, of course it's true, just don't listen to him! I need you on my side." Erid hissed. "That fits. With like, the rest of society." Avis commentated from the hole in a voice that made it sound like she was shrugging. "I'll save you, Nikki!" Harrison crawled out of the hole desperately. "FIRE!" A pillar of flames shot from his hands and lit the gasoline beneath David, lighting the ropes on fire. "Oh god! Someone stop-drop-and-roll me." David yelped. "Oopsie." "You suck, Harrison!" Nerris yelled. Max threw Nikki off with one final shove and she fell back, her sunglasses flying off her head and shattering. Erid approached the broken accessory and Nikki. "This is decidedly uncool." Nikki's eyes watered like a kicked puppy. "I AGREE! SOMEONE PUT ME OUT!" David yelled, panicking. "Reverse fire!" Harrison's body was thrown out of the pit and hit the flaming ropes, putting them out but his jacket caught on fire. He helped and threw it to the ground. Avis emerged from where she had shoved Harrison out of the way, panting and flopping to the ground. "And she crawls out of hell again!" She commentated, punching a fist in the air before slumping back down, tired. "Well at least I'm okay!" David smiled cheerfully. Screaming fearfully as a car rammed into the post, breaking it. Thankfully, the break made the ropes snap and David and Gwen fell off, freed. Unthankfully; Two feet stepped out, an anklet tracker beeping on one. "Did somebody say... Cameron Campbell?" "No. Who the fuck-" "Marina, language." David scolded, pushing off his ropes. "Whom the fuck-" "no." David gave up. "Mr Campbell? You saved me!" David praised, kneeling in front of him, in awe. "Yes! I definitely saw you and was fully aware hitting you with my car would be the best course of action!" Cam-Cam agreed. He looked around. "Please, excuse the condition of the camp, sir. Things got a little out of hand, but we can fix it, I swear!" David apologised, taking one of Cam-Cam's hands in his. Cam squinted in disgust and shook him off, fixing his composure, he laughed. "The old 'taking-over-the-camp-from-the-camp-counsellors-and tying-them-to-the-flagpole' routine! I remember my first time." He sighed, humming and walking around the destruction to take some money out of a safe by the couch. "Hey, Cam-Cam!" Marina called angrily. "Can't you see this guy is a terrible counsellor and he needs to be dealt with?" Max continued, "eh? Oh, sorry kids, I've got other things to deal with." Marina narrowed her eyes in indignation. "Campbell's got a poker game to get to! I'm not gonna give too many details, but let's just say if I win, I could end up being the Prime Minister of Thailand." He gave away. "But our revolution?" Neil asked, "this is serious! We're leading a charge to make a difference, we are the 99 percent! I saw it on TV!" Max raged. "Oh, you kids and your dreams. So full of hope and ignorance, someday, you'll learn that no matter how righteous you think you're cause is, there is always someone bigger to keep you down!" Cameron spoke cheerfully. "And that day is today, and that someone is me." "Say what now?"

So here we are, back at the start, everyone - including Gwen and David - scrubbing the floors under Cameron's supervision. "Make it shine now, kids! I had to cut costs on provisions, so you'll all be reusing those toothbrushes later!" He called jovially, leaving. "Well, I feel like that was futile. Sorry, Max." Nikki apologised. "It's alright. I think we know this is all Neil's fault." "Yep, lesson learned. Never try to change anything, ever." "Hey, where's Avis anyway?" Neil asked Marina. "Oh, she left about two minutes ago, I don't know what she was doing but she had sharpened her toothbrush so it looked like a knife." Marina casually stated. "That seems about right." Max agreed. They continued scrubbing, ignoring as the Quartermaster fell onto the floor behind them. "Ow."

[ringpopbitch]

Evens

HEY ENJOY ME OVERSHARING 

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

maybeee idk they have rlly good highs and the worst lows so who knows

4. Are you in a relationship?

i mean everyone has ‘relationships’ per se

6. Are you single this year?

yea

8. Describe your crush

total lameoh like me

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

real love takes time

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

yea but i don’t forget jk tho i forget bc i always put myself in the same positions that got me fucked in the first place i dunnoooo

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

yea

16. Do you have any tattoos?

noo

20. Do you shower every day?

fuck no i’m disgusting but also depressed what can i say

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

maybe

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

the fact that i’m old enough for this to be a reasonable question is fucking terrifying but also i have no idea

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

yea

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

rough idk

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

i’ll never actually have plastic surgery but i would change the size of the forehead and get rid of my freckles lol

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

no

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

nope

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

yes

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

who hasn’t

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

yes

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

a long time? i think? but also i like making out over most things cause i’m 14 at heart and it also depends on the mood i’m in lmfao

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

infinitely many jk two

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

idk but there’s a excel spreadsheet floatin around somewhere

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

i don’t have anything planned but i’m sure i could come up with some nasty things to say on the spot and probably the days following and probably up until i was blocked bc i would be a total bitch

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

i mean they basically have so like ya’know 

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

at a certain point, it’s not giving up on someone as in that bad connotation as you think they can’t be whatever or you don’t want them or any of that shit, it’s really just doing what’s best for yourself. so like yea. i’ve let people go or pushed them away because of more hurt than good but i don’t think that’s giving up on someone. because even if i’m hurt if someone actually really needs me i’m gonna answer and shit. 

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

lotsa people obviously

56. State 8 facts about your body

1. i have so many freckles they mush together and make my face look yellow 

2. i have long legs 

3. i have a gigantic forehead 

4. i shave my legs like once a monthish bc laziness 

5. i tear my fingernails off instead of cutting them (ok i bite them but yaknow) 

6. i have a scar on my knee 

7. my hair is greenish blue right now

8. idk i’m out of facts

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

respect, kindness, bein down for adventures, uhhhhhhhhh bein cute idk 

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

3 years and some change

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

sexiest? have sex. idk i can’t answer these ones. 

64. What is your definition of cheating?

physical stuff like kissing or having sex ya’knowwww 

like emotional shit is hard and sucks but isn’t technically 

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

ik this is meant to be sexual but all i can think of is those writing sites i used to go on when i was younger 

68. What is your sexual orientation?

girls are hot 

70. What turns you on?

uhhh idk whateva gets ur heartrate up 

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

IDK 

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

existed duh 

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

probably the dumbest places i’ve had sex but idk???? 

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

said love u too to my daddio last night before i left

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

my ex lol 

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

why do any of them fail 

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 3 | “It does not look good for our tribe. Honestly, we suck... Really bad. ” - Duncan

The way I absolutely flopped at that puzzle… this is why I’m a Beauty cause a sis ain’t smart to complete a puzzle and I’m not brawn-y enough to do well in a challenge hgjfdk BUT that being said, Hagthor beat the thots and apiss and I couldn’t be any happier! I do wish Brawn lost over Brain but yknow, you can’t have everything go your way (‘: it’s funny how I slayed the last challenge and flopped this one tho like a bitch really lacks consistency huh ghfjndmks

Heading into a second tribal council, there is becoming less and less room to hide. I am struggling to hold my own against the other tribes when it comes to competitions, but thank goodness it's a numbers game. If everything goes accordingly, I am taking a backseat this vote and allowing a 4-2 vote out when it comes to Trace. I appreciated Duncan coming to me with the alliance chat information with him/Scott/Trace/Isaac, but didn't like how Autumn needed to tell me first. Shows that I really can't trust Scott/Duncan after a swap comes up. In regards to Scott, he outright didn't say anything. I like him and all, but it was a slimy move to say the least. He only said something because he HAD to vote out someone in one of his two alliances. This group will be dumb as hell if they let me swap. I'll flip on them as soon as possible and invite anyone into my alliance. The tribe swap is where I made my 'Slithers' game infamous last time, so I'm hoping for a similar output. Don't forget: I swapped with the minority last time in Guyana (shout out to Jess), so I'm not worried about the numbers and how its split. ALL I NEED IS A SWAP OR TWIST. GET ME OUT OF HERE. 

Wow we’re really flopping this challenge huh! I really hate this as a group challenge bc we wasted so much time believing in an algorithm that doesn’t even work! 

okay so i again filmed a video confessional while walking the dog which i WILL eventually upload i promise hosts BUT. this challenge was literally torture, staring at the excel spreadsheet was so draining. TJ did so much work for it so I really really hope we win he is so sweet i was real mean to him at the start for truly no reason NNN i really really want the beauty tribe to go to to tribal, or the brains lot again i guess? i dont really wanna go to tribal even though i think Liam M is the easy vote? i'd rather not. i just feel really drained after that challenge i wish this confessional was even a little bit exciting im sorry hosts

i feel like i underappreciated dan as an ally?! the more i talk to him its like hmmm we vibe and we have similar energy? like i get very different but good energies from all of dan, jake and jordan! which i love, like i feel really good about them all. like what's reassuring about dan (and this sounds weird) is he feels fine complaining about others to me in pms? like jake does the same and that makes me feel really reassured trust wise - like i would never talk negatively about another player to someone i distrusted tbh... so i feel really good about that! i feel like particularly in a maybe swap i'll really bond with whoever i get to swap with even MORE. idk i just feel good about this brawn tribe still i don't want to GOOO.

okay so yesterday was... eventful! i watched the sequester mini with jake which was super fun and then right after... he cracked the tomb and i decided to tell jake about my idol. have i had it since day two? yes. but i told him i found it during the mini so i wouldnt seem sus. i dont regret my decision (so far at least anyway JKASD) because a) he cracked the tomb and immediately told me b) i think he is loyal and particularly since i told him i can and will idol him like i dont think he has incentive to leak my idol unless it comes down to lategame and he wants to blindside me but i don't see myself being able to hold onto the idol until that stage anyway! but yeah so jake knows about my idol so i'm hoping i can use it to my benefit, or to save him because i'm really invested in his success this season. maybe we are gonna be the two brawns at the end woo and tony style even tho i think i'm probs the woo nnnnn

Trace went home and that is yet another potential connection I could’ve had in the game GONE… like the Brains really wanna see me flop huh! It’s interesting that it was 4-2 vote tho like it has my overthinking self spiraling lowkey. I do really feel for the Brains having to lose twice though like I’ve been on a flop tribe before and morale is always low so my heart goes out to them and I hope they beat Brawn xoxo 

This challenge? Literal homophobia! Like I love unscrambled eggs and I want my eggs cracked by VARIOUS men but this was not what I had in mind (‘: this challenge being my alliance + AJ is interesting as well considering that AJ was the one person I haven’t established a game connection with but I do really like him. In a way, I do think him participating in this challenge is the best thing that could’ve happened to his game since it allows him to build more connections with others? That being said, Connor on the other hand… is disappointing me in a way like the king isn’t talking much or doing much. If he has personal stuff to attend to, I completely get it and he should focus on that first but I do wanna know so I don’t assume he disappeared yknow (‘: but oh well !!!

I do think me honing in on the fact that Kendall and I are two peas in a pod in this game has her really thinking that which is awesome! I do adore that girl but I gotta keep an eye out (for Selener). She did tell me that her goals this round include the following 1) Set up an alliance with us + Austin, 2) Get AJ to be our alliance’s fake 5th, and 3) Get out Adam. While I am glad she told me all of this, I’m just very cautious of her connections? Austin and I are super close and he likes her, that’s fine. My thing is with AJ because while we were calling, I did pick up on the fact that those two have played before and whatnot so who knows. I’m just a naturally stressed person so ye !!! I do really like Adam though so I hope we don’t lose at all (‘:

I hate myself for being on a call for 9 hours in this game ghjfkdls but that being said, I do genuinely love everyone on this tribe and the thought of losing makes me super emo because I feel close to every person here in one way or another. It’s a dilemma too because us winning this challenge would be ideal but if we do win and Brawn goes to tribal, the Beauty Tribe becomes public enemy number one in a swap scenario because why wouldn’t the other tribes wanna get rid of the tribe that has the most members yknow? It’s a nail-biter regardless ;-; 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fpSJvDJxy38LcRI4MjwzIa64zT_tytXC/view?usp=sharing

So I'm not surprised that we lost AGAIN! Lowkey I feel like I did everything during this challenge so not only do I feel more defeated, but I'm annoyed that not too many people contributed. Like I have to constantly ask people how they're doing in the challenge, and they provide me with NOTHING!! And I'm tired of voting people out :/ Anyways, I feel like voting out Isaac is a dumb move for my game going forward, because Duncan/Autumn are clearly a duo. Duncan even said to me that he wouldn't mind voting out Devon if we needed too. If we don't swap next round and lose again, I have the feeling Duncan and Autumn are going to try and pit Devon and I against each other. I like to think they'd choose me over Devon since I don't have any connections to anyone. The smart move would be for them to utilize Isaac and blindside me, but I like to think they wouldn't be doing that anytime soon. I feel bad voting out Isaac because I know how much he hated being booted early in Malaysia. So to do that to him again is really sad to me. I would try to convince Devon to split up Autumn/Duncan, but he's all about the 4 going forward. Everyone is and as much as I love the 4, that type of game is boring. Idk maybe my style of gameplay is different than theirs. If I see that I'm in a sinking ship, I make sure to grab a life vest and swim to another boat. I don't sit on the boat and say "okay, time to drown now". Luckily none of them know me for the numerous times that I've flipped on alliances before. If we do swap next round, my plan is to remain loyal to whichever brain is on my tribe. However, this won't stop me from trying to make connections with people from other tribes and making new alliances. If I need to ditch my brains to solidify trust with my new tribe, then that is exactly what I am going to do. In the event that I do leave tomorrow, this game was fun! After being out of the tumblr survivor community for 3 years, I don't think I'd come back for a future org/season because the amount of stress i've been in this past week is more than I've endured with online learning since corona came to town. Idk I wouldn't be surprised if a #blindside came my way.

it's only day 7 and we havent even been to tribal yet and we STILL arent going because we won again, and im already going off the deep end like am i crackedt?? what the hell is happening on this tribe like am i the quiet one or is there just a collective quiet going on since we're just sliding through the game rn?? im not gonna lie it's kinda boring... it's getting weird.....the fact that there's an idol just looming around and someone has it and isnt telling me is making me crazy, and then to make me even more crazy i foolishly decided to sit out of the challenge today, i knew i probably wasnt gonna be good at anything with the letters all jumbled together, im just being real so i decide to spare my tribe and myself mostly the misery and sit out, i dont want to be perceived as weak completely and be voted off right now for it, but i do want to start to make sure people think im not that good at the challenges so i dont have a target going foward- also, im really just not good at the challenges. BUT apparently everyone was just like on a call together all day because of the challenge and obviously i couldnt be in it so :// my own fault! i didnt think it through completely and luckily we won, but if we hadnt, i mean... a day long on/off call is more than enough to bond over and pick a first boot from those not in it, but aj updated me on everything and at least according to him, my name wasnt mentioned and they were mostly working on the challenge and discussing white men, so that means i didnt miss much! im still working day by day on trying to water my relationships with everyone and make sure theyre ready to bloom into my little alliances once its had enough time to absorb all the sunshine i naturally radiate!! However.... others arent doing the same gorl.... like connor, literally messaged me out of the blue just to have a conversation and when i tried talking to him he stops messaging me right away ... like hello is it something i said?? i literally feel like parvati when she was going is it me?? am i being punkd??? also tried talking to kendall again today, i do enjoy her i will say she's growing on me but as of now she hasnt responded to me yet, which is ok since i never respond to anyone either oop hopefully its just not everyone vs. adam already in other news i guess a swap could be coming?? i really just dont want to be on a tribe with jakey because im not ready to dig up the hatchet from cvc lets keep it buried please!! unless he's completely forgotten that and wants to work with me and be my shield again but um... dont think he'd be up for that! im here to play a NEW game not my old one, in any case, no matter what happens i feel like as long as i have any of my fellow A name sisters- AJ, Augusto, or Amir with me, i could possibly be fine... i dont think Amir was really playing me anymore either like i did yesterday smh i think that was just a tangent of paranoia my mind created (maybe ..) 

I feel like we have to be swapping tonight like this brains tribe has lost so many challenges in a rwo, that ifit wasnt planned i feel like the hosts have to be like "put it in sis they movin" Im gonna spendthe rest of the of today working on my relationships with the rest of my brawny boys, so no if we do swap, on matter what configurations it lands on I should have options. Still dont know jac shit about the tomb and that is bothering me but thats a problem for another day.

Well, thank god that we were able to pull that challenge out. I knew if we lost it that my ass could potentially be on the line given how large of a role I played in organizing that challenge, so it would have been sad (and hella scary) to have lost that. But I do think I've shown that I can be a valuable asset to this tribe now in the event that we somehow stay in tribes for another round. I'm anticipating a tribe swap here this next round, so I kind of just need to prepare to meet some new people and hope that I'm on a tribe with some people that I've gotten along with. Ideally, I'd have Jake with me and we'd act as if we weren't that close, but I'd be happy to see basically anyone but Liam there with me. He's a great guy, but I know he doesn't trust me, I know I don't trust him, so I really don't want that to be my only lifeline on a swap tribe.

okay so in the event we swap out of the brawn tribe tonight... which would be TRAGIC i wanted to do an in memoriam of apis 1.0! TJ - i was SO rude and wrong about him! he is genuinely so sweet and lovely, and super hard working. i think he would be a good one to swap with, it would build our bond and he is a challenge workhorse! i hope he isn't mad at me for my round one confessionals, just know tj that i was WRONG and that i was the clown! Lovelis - I get really good energy from him but we also... never talk so idk where I'm getting that from? I think he is definitely going to be a casualty of the swap, I see him definitely getting picked of? Which would be sad! idk we will see Liam M - He is really sweet, but we also talk super infrequently? I feel like he trusts me which is good?! But I think he is definitely gonna go premerge unfortunately just since he isnt super active? we will see ahh Jordan - I really like Jordan i think he is great! we are working together but something about his energy has seemed... off recently? and jake has noticed the same thing and idk what to do with that it just seems off? idk i feel like we potentially are gonna drift apart as allies which would be a shame! Dan - I really love Dan, he has such good energy which I really vibe with him? I think I kind of underestimated his potential as an ally which I really regret I like him a lot tbh.. I'd like to build that trust further for sure, he just gives off such good ally energy Jake - ahh yes have left my favourite for last. ugh i love jake his energy is the best and i trust him 100% unequivocally. he knows about my idol (may've kept it a secret for two rounds but i told him eventually which is what counts jasldfkas) i want him to succeed in this game so badly, im really hopeful for him to SNAP also quickly about the brain tribal, i just hope isaac/autumn/duncan are safe. those are my only preseason connections and would kinda love to see any/all of them in a swap situation tbh i think i want that devon slithers man gone he seems sneaky (is it just because slithers sounds like a snake yes)

It’s been way too quiet around here so I’ve accepted that Duncan/Autumn/Devon/Isaac are all voting me out tonight. Devon keeps talking to me about the swap and really emphasizing about it, so I get sketch vibes from that. Plus that Duncan/Autumn duo is very strong so it makes sense for them to want to vote me out. Plus apparently Isaac is writing my name down tonight so... it’s been fun! I enjoyed my 7 days that I spent here and can’t wait for the perjury trip with Trace and Bodhi 🥳🥳🥳

Lowkey kinda bummed we won this challenge. Which probably raises a few death flags but whatever. I would have liked to put our alliance to the test before a swap :/. It also would have been neat to have the fucking idiot who voted with Trace as a spare vote, now they are definitely going to get fucked. Luckily the challenge provided some new optunity for alliances. For starters we can make a natural extra alliance with AJ without drawing conclusions to a mysterious third faction. Even though Connor did jack shit... I'm not bitter just... disappointed. :/

PERIODTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, WE WON HOES! Like I am incredibly shook that we won because I was ready to jump off of a ledge hgfjkdl so yay for that! The Brains lost and I really do feel for them but Brawn winning makes our numbers equal and the Brawns are more threatening overall so that should mean that Brains would want to work with us in a swap scenario yknow? I’m just shook I’m on the winning tribe ghjfdks

Now that we won, I SHOULD be chilling right? Well, I hate myself so I’m not doing that one bit. I am deathly afraid of a swap next round because the makings of a swap are all there (a flop tribe that needs a swap to save them, us being at 18 people is perfect for 3 tribes of 3, etc). I’m scared I will get swap fucked in some capacity so I’m just aaaa. That being said, I do want to make sure I leave on amazing terms with everyone before we swap in case I am separated from anyone or I join some of these legends on a new tribe. 

honestly, our tribe has been pretty much on a high. our most recent challenge seemed like something tailored for us to lose, and while i was nervous for a second, we were able to best the brains tribe and send them to tribal for the THIRD time. (i really thought they'd have that one in the bag!) i feel sorry for those nerds, they just can't catch a break :( but seriously, the challenge itself really opened doors of opportunity for me in the game i feel. me/kendall/amir/augusto were on call from 11AM est to the time challenge results went up.. and it was an experience. we all got along pretty well and put our braincells together to get through that challenge, but their company was what made it worthwhile! connor was also participating in the challenge, but he didn't really do anything. although i know he's been pretty busy lately so i'm not too bent about it and completely understand, just wish he said a little more in the chat other than the two messages he did! i think what i'm preparing for right now is the swap. i really wanna cement solid relationships and allegiances with the people on my tribe as we anticipate going into bigger tribes as of next round or the round after. i wouldn't mind just staying on this tribe, though. our dynamic is great, the people are great, and we're even better in competition. there's really not much of a loss there if you ask me! 

So in the past 24 hours I've worked my ass off to try to get Autumn and Devon to vote with me against Scott and/or Duncan and I'm not getting my hopes up. Like everything they've given me has been so vague and I've tried to go the extra mile to try to get Autumn and Devon to trust me. I think I'm going home tonight and if I do that's tragic but not exactly a #blindside. It might be my curtain call but I hope I at least made them doubt each other. 

Also #FuckThoth, Jess rigged me out

Me waiting for tribal to happen: https://66.media.tumblr.com/c327b3a59ef66f9835241d079c1fbe39/tumblr_n20f10EtZH1rkuhmio2_400.gif

Me if I make it out alive tonight: https://media1.tenor.com/images/664df9da1de6fb8913ff67b2ca8234e0/tenor.gif?itemid=16269462

 Me if I get voted out tonight: https://media.giphy.com/media/aUW1R5qccvQ3K/giphy.gif

I HATE IT HERE I WANNA GO HOME!!! I feel like the underpaid babysitter that the parents forgot about cause these boys are triiippppinng. I’m selling the vote so well to Isaac I actually wanted to vote Scott with him and I was going to but my damn alliance has him secondguessing and now everyone is all misty eyed about being split while Isaac is panicking so the solution is a CALL. Even though we call EVERYDAY so there ain’t shit to talk about??? Isaac has been blowing my pm’s up all day so no sir, no farewell calls. My emotional energy has been spent for the day lying for 6 hours straight thank you very much. Scuncan and Devon need to cut the melodrama out cause we have a whole game left?? So we will see each other again??? And if we don’t, we don’t. Also we could not get swapped tonight??? So simmer down. The Lord NEEDS to take me cause I can’t do it. Everyone needs their hand held and their feelings coddled and I’m tired. Less  kumbayah, more playing Survivor 

So we won again! I felt terrible in our challenge chat because I really couldn't get my head around the patterns and shit everyone else was doing, honestly hope they don't see general weakness in me because of it.. I'm good at like, everything else, but I dunno, this season's just not been looking favourably on me yet. After the flag incident and then that challenge, I feel like I probably am in the most danger, and I still don't know what to do about it except spam everyone all the time in hopes they feel some social tie to me... I hate it here I rly do. Hopefully we'll start to get more comps I can excel in because so far it's been flop after flop and I rly hate to see it.

Not AJ telling me that I am the person he is closest to on this tribe… I’m crying ugh, I feel so bad for wanting him to leave first like I didn’t get to know him well until recently but I really do like him… why was I blessed with these iconic people on my tribe? Game aside, I do like them all and want them to slay in life <3

I'm so screwed if I don't win this immunity challenge. I know I'm a weak link, so if I don't win this, hopefully *dan* doesn't either cause I might have to target him to save my skin. This is where I'm really gonna have to be social over the next day, cause my ass is quite literally on the line right now. I'm not getting 18th-16th, screw this.

Okay I’m gonna say it, I love my alliance so much.I will not play with my heart and I’ll kill them if I have to but I really really really don’t want to, I obvi love my alliance with Augusto, Kendall, and Connor so much, but i will not play with my heart and ill backstab them if i have to but i really really dont want to. I would also like if adam austin and aj were safe. I really really like adam a lot. he is a fking sweetheart, and hes so funny. Austin is also great and super genuine and kind. i feel bad for calling him boring earlier, and aj is just funny and cool in general. the best case is we never have to go to tribal and i get to keep my inbred nocturnal intoxicated-at-all-times tribe members here. I am gonna need as many of these people in the game as possible for the swap and for the merge, and if we end up do having to go to tribal, I will do everything in my power to keep the tribe from getting divided, because we're gonna need each other to take down the brawn tribe.

I want to be tight with every single one of the beauties because a swap is likely coming and I need them, and the biggest issue rn I see moving foreward is if brawn and brain align, so we must snatch the brains first. every one keeps talking about being stumped about the tomb and I just keep lying DKNDKDNDD but I am lowkey scared they know I’m lying 

[spartanburger]

Title

So I want to give a quick update on the state of the updated Quarian Civilian model I’ve been slowly working on over the last few months.  I’ve had a few heavy weeks at work that have taken precedent, and I’m only now getting back into a normal routine, but it is coming along steadily.

Right now, I’m still adding the hood flexes.  I would say I’m somewhere between a third and a half of the way done with them.  My process for doing them has sped up quite a bit lately, so it shouldn’t take too much longer.

Anyway, here’s one of the issues I’m running into:  Adding a shapekey to flex the hood on one side is easy enough.  The issue is getting a mirrored shape key on the other side.  For example:

Here we see the fifth left hood flex.  Now, in blender, the easiest way to mirror a shapekey is to duplicate the current shape key (”new shape from mix”) and then hit mirror shapekey.  However, this feature is programmed to have zero tolerance.  If the corresponding vertex is even a millionth of a blender-unit off, it will say the key failed to mirror. This poses an issue as, although the model appears to be symmetric, it isn’t (by very slight amounts that would otherwise be imperceptible).  About 20% of the vertexes are symmetric as well, so if I just moved the model, those would then be off.  I can’t mirror those 20% and then do the rest manual as, when the mirror is applied, any failed vertexes are left behind, so I would have more work, reversing the flexes on the old side and then applying the same flex on the new.

Right now, my process has been that, once I’ve got the main key done, move vertexes manually by putting the old and new blender-unit coordinates into a spreadsheet, and then the coordinates of the new vertexes as well, and it will automatically give me the new coordinates I need.

I then just copy the calculated coordinates into blender and the vertexes move.  I do this by vertex pair (if you look at the model, the hood has an outside and an inside. Outside vertex and corresponding inside vertex make a pair).  Generally, about 50 vertexes are moved per shape key, so this means I only have to do this 25 times per mirrored key.  I’ve gotten the process down, so it doesn’t really take me too long (relatively speaking) to get a key mirrored.

I plan on doing about 6 keys per side that pull the hood back (each at different heights along the edge of the hood), at least three that pull it forward, and 3 that pull them out horizontally, a total of 18.  So far, I’ve done five of the pull-backs, both sides, so a total of 10.

Main point is that, animating the hood being pulled back should look more realistic as you can flex the edges of the hood instead of having the hood move like plastic - something that even my new hood animation bones doesn’t solve.

As for what’s next:

1. Tiddie bones.  Merely just to be able to give some more realistic move to them.  Not meant to be sexual at all - just to make them act more like breasts rather than metal cups.  Less like robo-tits and more like hey there’s actually flesh under there ffs.  For what I want to do, any modifications here would be extremely slight. Almost imperceptible.  But hey, I always tend to add things to my work that are generally pointless and imperceptible, so why stop now?

2.  Mask armor bodygroup.  I’m gonna export that tali armor mask she uses for her From Ashes skin and put it on as a bodygroup.  Additionally, I’m gonna try and modify the mask and create different versions.  I’ve seen quite a number of amazing Quarian OC concepts with various different mask armor types, and I want to be able to add more options like that.

3.  Play around with the mask shape.  I want to see if I can make it so the entire mask can detach.  This is not likely to be successful as there simply is no face geometry back there below the upper lip.  But, I should be able to play around with different shapes for the mask itself, much like with the mask armor.  Again, this is based on numerous concepts I’ve seen that I am in love with.  I wish I could do something like this with my own OCs, but being limited to the models makes this more difficult.  Hopefully, I can add some nice variety to the model here.

4. Textures.  The normal civilian has something like 5 textures to it.  I will redo these in 4k, because anything less would be for the fucking casuals. I’ve already redone a number of civilian textures in 4k, so I have the process down already.  However, with the new helmet geometry and the mask armor, I will also have to modify those textures to fit the color schemes of the civvies.  Now, those will just be the regular textures that will go along with the model on release.  I will be creating separate textures specifically for my OCs that are slightly (or totally) different - depending on how much I redesign them.  A first pass of Eris and Vera are already done.  Related, but I already have skingroups for different mask shaders (each one has their benefits and disadvantages regarding AO, letting visual geometry pass through, and lighting).  I may remove one once I play around with them so more to confirm which one I like better.

5. SFM eyes.  I briefly tried earlier and it didn’t work, but I’ll try to add them again.  I may have to remake the eyeball geometry from scratch.  SFM eyes require half-spheres to work, and the current model has eye geometry that is a little more than half a sphere.  I intend on using the eye shader settings that Lord Aardvark used in the Bodymorph Tali model.

6.  Face Flexes.  Stuff like eyebrows, eyelids, upper cheeks and stuff like that.  Hopefully, it will be symmetrical enough to mirror shapekeys this time.  

And I think that will be it.  Compile as civilian, then compile separately as private OC model with different texture links. Then just throw it up on SFMlab or the workshop and be done with it.  Workshop may not work to well due to size limits.  4k textures are mean to harddrives.

With that done, I will be able to finish final attributes for Eris, like what I want her face model to be, modifying the bodymorph tali model to work as a nekkid model for her, working out the scale proportions and textures needed to make her at different ages (her suit changes colors), and then document everything for making her so I don’t forget where I keep her textures, or what scale proportions to use for her.

With the model done, doing all that for Vera will be easy.

Then on to the Geth trooper (needs headflaps), Male Quarian (hoodless), and porting the Turian Cabal model, since the few pieces of artwork I’ve seen of her in Source Engine are by those who are unable or unwilling to share a source.  Maybe see if I can snag a Vetra model too for the higher polygons.  

Along the way, a few other models will be ported as well.  I know I need that damn Adas ASR model so Kael can compensate himself with big guns.

Anyway, yeah. Stuff. Writing it all out helps me see what needs to be done and to focus on what’s next.

[whosgoingtoask]

LikeABossDay

It just took me 30 minutes to turn on my computer, jeez. 

Growing up, there were magical times when my parents could afford Comcast. It never lasted very long, but having access to the instant show guide was a game changer. Most of the time, we had standard cable. When MTV was on 63 and ABC Family could be found on channel 39. I knew the 10-15 channels I could find shows that matched my heart song like the back of my hand. And I knew the channels with CSPAN and ESPN that weren’t worth my time. It was a simple time. 

And then shows became available online. Illegally of course. But eventually, Netflix and Hulu struck gold. Now at all hours of the day thousands of shows and movies are at my disposal. And I never have any freaking idea watch to watch. There’s a theory that says when you have a large amount of options at your disposal, it becomes more difficult to make a choice than if your options were limited. 

When I first made a real life plan - at the grand old age of high schooler - it all made sense. I knew what teachers did and I knew how a school worked. I knew how much money they made and that you could find the profession literally anywhere you went. I knew there were some options to grow within the school community. Move from charter to private to public, history to economics to political science. It seemed like an innumerable amount of options at the time, but still easy to grasp. 

Now - in theory - I’ve come to a point when I have a Netflix level of opportunities in front of me. And it seems to be common, so I suppose there’s not much concern there. But let’s layout the issues. Think through the actual problems. 

1. The work isn’t all that great - When I was at school, doing the little things like mailing letters, printing rosters, responding to emails - were a headache, but something I was good at. Also it was my first real job, so I expected to do some menial tasks. I suppose there’s probably a level of administrative work at every level, but at least some of it can be deferred. Anyways, now that I’m in my 3rd going on 4th year of professional experience, I think I’d like to test my hand at something a little meatier. I don’t know that organizing schedules, building newsletters, writing notes, or building spreadsheets are what I’m interested in. To be honest, there hasn’t been a project that has really caught my attention at this point. 

2. There’s a disconnect from actual results - For working at a results based organization, I feel so far from any actual evidence that what we’re doing makes a difference. When I was at school or the club, even if what I was doing was small or menial, I could literally see the affect it was having. Somebody needed to organize those buses, monitor those tests, respond to those parents and make sure their experience was a good one. At central I could see the work people were doing on a grander level. (Now I wonder if that was a mistake. The space wasn’t great.) I see these folks that were working with, and I suppose they’re doing on the ground work, but what exactly are we doing that’s helpful? Spotlighting their work? Newspapers can do that. Connecting them with partners? Like that’s not something they can do on their own or have access to. It honestly seems a little condescending. Everyone is so far up themselves, acting like the work their doing is on a grander scale now that they’ve stepped away from hands on work. Not sure why you’d ever want to step away from that. 

3. The leadership is all over the place - Starting with my own. I suppose she has a good amount of experience and connections. She seems to be very educated and thoughtful about the work that’s happening. But only 50% of the time. There’s no deep interaction and I’m not sure if that’s my fault or if it’s that she’s so far or if she’s always buried in her personal life, but I don’t feel a strong connection to that relationship and I don’t see how I can learn from it. Then there’s the phony baloney asking me if building powerpoints is a skill I want to cultivate. I’m not sure if people think that’s a genuine skill, but 1 - are you forgetting that I went to school to teach so I have to have some type of technical capabilities. But it’s just a constant off loading of task. Lowly tasks. And work that I just can’t understand or find interesting. I guess there are some connections on the state level, but in an industry that’s not my own. 

4. Everyone seems to have an opinion - When the other workers on my own level are showing such unhappiness and frustration after having been there as long as they have, you kind of have to take it to heart. After being at the school for the amount of time I was, I would say I was a good marker for what the culture was like. So I trust that what they say is a accurate representation. What that shows me is that this is not a company to grow with. Even though leaders are different, it doesn’t bode well that promotions are hard to come by. I’ve played that game and it’s not something I need to do again. 

5. Is it the flexibility I need? - Having the time and the remote capabilities are great. To some extent though, I think my natural tendency to not work takes advantage of it. But at the same time is this just what I need to be able to work and go to school? Is that something I should give up just because I don’t want to be here long term and don’t think it’s ‘fun’.

6. I don’t know what a next step would look like - So I go to school for what? And then work in what field? As what? And where? Do I want to go back to the state level? It didn’t seem so terrible, but the morale and stability wasn’t great, at least here. Maybe it would be another option if we moved. 

At the end of it all, there’s no answer right now. I can’t do references all over again and I’m going to be here until at least February. I suppose that’s fine. How boring be an adult is! Sorry for the snoozer. I’m gonna eat toast.