#and now hes on the floor. no fear
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polite young man
#Bean Text#while i was typing this post a huge spider came and tormented him by skiddling around the room#and now hes on the floor. no fear
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something I guess‼️ he is sleepin on the freakin flooorrr right now for a multitude of reassonnss ; a minor one being i just kinda wanted to doodle which i guess not much of a reason but...but.......
#because i cannn but also because he is NOT going to go all the way back to the good dumpster right now he is crashing out on#the floor or the desk no inbetween#i feel a little obligated to but screw that its mostly just because i felt like it and i keep thinking about it#scheduling this for dead midnight so i dont face my fears :-3 /j
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gymnast kaito x sharpshooter shinichi meet-cute in the olympics au
#kaishin#i can already hear my brain going BUT SOCCER PLAYER SHINICHI RAAAAAAHHHHH#but shapshooter shinichi tho cmoooon CMOOONN#yall have seen the olympic athletes yall have seen the flavor#i saw yeji and yusuf and im like OKAY SHINICHI SHARPSHOOTER#also gymnast kaito this is canon in my brain idc#i would love to see kaito's floor routine like pleaaaaaseeee#also that one epke zonderland london 2012 high bar routine but make it kuroba fucking kaito RAAAAHHH#also also in my mind shinichi would only wear glasses and he'd affectionately call it 'conan'#idk a whole lot about the olympics and either sports so im not confident enough to make hcs#thats why im just yapping here LOL#might binge watch some olympics related videos and articles later idk#yell some hcs for this au at me I'd love to know!!!!!!#dc prattles#ALSO FUN IF KAITO GREW UP IN PARIS AND HE'S REPRESENTING FRANCE WHEWWWW#but it's also fun if kaishin are both team jp and theyret meeting for the first time yippeeee#akai would be shinichi's coach maybe 🤔#also i looked it ip and apparently karate was removed from the official olympic games FUCK but WE DONT CARE BECAUSE#OLYMPIC ATHLETE BESTIES SONOSHINRAN MY BELOVED I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU#anyway sonoko in gymnastics ran in karate and sharpshooter shinichi WOW WOW WAIT MY BRAIN HAVING A MASSIVE ROT RIGHT NOW#oh you just know sonoko does all those tiktoks with a shy but excited ran and completely forced to participate shinichi LMAO#kaishin meet through sonoko ofc 👀👀👀#sonoko and kaito are besties too and are familiar with each other for both being in the gymnastics scene#anyway kaito and shinichi meet and kiss and fall in love#ALSO SHINICHI THIRSTING OVER KAITO'S MUSCLES LMAOOOO#AND KAITO THIRSTING OVER A FULLY CLOTHED SHINICHI POISED FOR A SHOT LIKEEEE#oh they wanna makeout real bad i fear#ALSO KAITO IS THAT ONE ATHLETE WHO KEEPS STEALING THE CHOCOLATE MUFFINS IN THE OLYMPIC VILLAGE LMFAOOOO#the tiktoks of that guy was so funny lol i just know kaito would do the same#you know what maybe I should've just typed this on the post and not on the tags but it's too late now LMAO i want more of them tho omg 😳
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2009 Brazilian Grand Prix - Jenson Button
#no matter how many times i have seen him kissing the camera i still combust and fall onto the floor every time i see it#JENSE SINGING WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS ON THE RADIO I FELT SO UNWELLLLLLLLLL JENSEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!#AAAAHHHH HES SOOOOOOOOOO YKNOW???? HES SOOOOOOO!!!!!!#ANYWAYS I LOVE BRAWN!!! BEST TEAM!! BEST UNDERDOGS!!!#i fear that i am dreadfully painfully wholeheartedly in love with him....#god ive not even delved into the pics from this race bcs i think i will melt into the floor and sob when i do#also i am not immune to a man loving and supporting his son sob sob sob ;;; jense and his dad always make me feel so warm#again ty to lemon for pointing me towards the one clip!!#usually these posts are just moments from the main race archive but these all came from 3 dif videos so that was v fun as you can imagine..#im not quite finished the season yet but i can still commentate on this bcs now the wcc and wdc are tied up#but its wild bcs this season took me longer than the last one but since it had less races it still felt shorter/faster to me somehow#for the midseason i was practically lined up with the current season(i.e. watching Monaco 09 the same week as Monaco 23)#so it was pretty fun to experience both and see the differences(i think i like 2009 better hehehe) but now i have majorly overtook 2023#jenson button#jb22#brawn#brawn gp#2009 brazilian gp#f1#formula 1#formula one#we do a little bit of f1#season: 2009
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I've been busy seeing over the mice introductions but here's a little sneak peek into the bunch.
We've of course got my old man Hamid in the middle of the box and then, ironically stacked by size, from smallest to biggest: Archie, Madge, James and Watson (who this is mainly for given his roommate is a senior citizen).
Shout out again to @224bbaker who i asked about which of their detectives would make the best mouse names. The results are in :)
#if everything goes well they'll get into the big cage today after i cleaned it#for now they won't get access to the upper floor cause Archie is VERY small still and i don't trust him not to squeeze between the spaces#when he has grown a little bit that will no longer be a problem but rn I'm cautious especially because#he's at that age were he's very active and mischievous and does not know fear#there's mice loose in Baker Street#also Watson looks like an absolute BEAST here lmao#he's not actually that chonky although he IS quite big for a mouse
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I opened Pinterest for the first time in months.
That made me realize a lot about how bad I was actually doing and how much of a Waffle House Index use of Pinterest is for adult me, apparently.
I hadn’t realized it had grown that foundational to me in a healthy-brain-exercise-and-hobby-joy way. Nice to know moving forward! It’s another sign I can keep track of and use to spot correlation/indicator patterns earlier my behavior.
I love this kind of thing, it makes me so excited!
#personal data hacking is my passion#someday I’ll tell a story about the most notable times I tracked things or hacked my own mental processes from childhood to now#including the fear of spiders and bed wetting and behavior changes and posture and heart rate and cursive and putting kitchen items and#trash away as soon as I’m finished using them instead of never ever or ages and ages later#I’m so proud of that#you have to give it time and still commit. chaining thoughts and routines and behaviors really works#we are not separate brains and bodies and external environments#anyway I’m gonna go haha I used up he last of my energy burst on Discord and here and I need to go rest and lie on the floor and probly doze#love you all be back soon bye mwah!#add to journal#trauma evolution#my Waffle House index#this is going to be a fun new tag I’m so going to have fun with this and I bet it’ll be a helpful example reference for other people too#more than just for future me!#so excited so proud of myself so happy so grateful for hope about me really trusting that my ability and my behavior and my performance#are able to and going to yes keep getting better#long many-milestone path-journeys of potential#like when I was a little 6-7 year old kid-team athlete looking ahead at a concept of a future with me over time getting#stronger and cleverer and faster and slicker and calmer and even happier and more and more capable and able to accomplish!#a gift. all this time I didn’t think I’d have and have been living anyway is such a gift.#knowing that I truly have future time to grow and explore and change and improve in even though I still can’t FEEL or IMAGINE that future#time yet. also a gift.#the time I will one day realize I can imagine a future and imagine myself alive? will be a gift.#breath is a gift. experiencing life is a gift. other life is a gift. rhythm is a gift. motion is a gift. awake is a gift. color is a gift.#such a great expanse. all of it new. all of it eternal. all of it me. all of it nothing I’ve ever known before. all of it all of it#all of it. gifts.#gonna go have floor time now. this would be such a nice time to re-re-regain my ability to cry!#mwah I love you future me. take care of your hand and thank u for writing all this down 💛#hey little star whatcha gonna queue?#my poetry
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Okay sorry I keep thinking about that character destroying their life post I rb'd because it makes me think of Cain, who despite having a found family that loves him keeps chasing after ghosts of a past that technically isn't his, for answers that are only going to cause him pain. And worse, he loses the family he gained, he will never ever get back what he had before.
#fear of the deep#CAIN CAIN WHY#i mean i know why he thought answers to what happened would fill in the void#but no instead he doesn't get that void filled he gets to lie on the bathroom floor in agony#screaming for help from a friend who is dead now#im sorry i have thoughts#ramble
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Try not to make fights between two women look homoerotic challenge level impossible
#if franky isnt good with swords why does he have a sword on his mecha 💀 just for the shogun bit#inu inu fruit??? he is just like inuyasha... omg.... crossover of my favourite things.... yamato i love you.....#yamato eating the protector deity of wano fruit.... calling himself oden.... his father must be fuming he is the antithesis of his person#obv its very much on purposes but lmao rip bozo (kaido) you didnt think much about that one.... maybe the deity of wano wants its people to#be free and not slaves of a weapons industry idk....#not olvia omg... and saul.... and clover... they changed little robin's name.... and her mom's voice is the same as hers lmao it's too much#robin said this is way too nice.... can't be real#once again thinking about robin holding her mothers hand..... and becoming an archeologist to make her proud.... the hands....#but now it's not about her mom now its about her friends.... also her childish heart omg.... truly#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1042#robin defending sanji's honor akdjsks#robin that was so slay... take care tho.... ily.... until next time#luffy on the floor passed out having a tantrum about food. incredible#fucking caribou again.... DIEEE!!!!#MOMO FLY AGAIN!!!! GET OVER YOUR FEAR OF HEIGHTS#also yesterday i was showering and thinking about like dying like this cant be right... i am on thay level....#episode 1043#'i am not soft on women' oh yeah i bet...#see how good armor haki would have been here..... i have been saying this#robin's face..... strongest element in all of one piece.....#robin wanting to become strong for someone else.... just like nami.....#OHHHH SHIT!!!!!!! she said i wanna be with my friends 😁 -> 😈#that was so cool. also black maria is DEAD. that was a CLUTCH WWE STYLE. DAMN. robin getting there by thinking about his friends :)))#what love and human connection do to a mf (positively)#OH SHINOBU'S ABILITY.... MOMO..... OMG#episode 1044#robin ily that was so cool. call me any time btw.
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klay 0 points but he looked sexygorgeous doing it + lockdown defense + mavs WIN and dubs clinch so im leaving here with something 🙂↕️🙂↕️
#nba#klay thompson#dallas mavericks#mavs lb#love when he makes shots but ive shrimply accepted that it is now a somewhat rare occurence which is understandable tbh given age/injuries#they could never make me hate u king#not even if u go 0/100 i srsly dgaf ur face card + beautiful soul more than make up for it i promise#freddie mercury voice#I look ... and i fiind ... I still love youuu#that said I really think people are not giving him enough grace or credit for all the positive ways he impacts the game#like he has set such an impossibly high standard for himself by literally becoming thee singular second greatest shooter OAT so#imo its pretty unreasonable for fans to demand him to put up prime klay numbers nightly when this team doesn't even need him to do that#to be able to win which is actually a good thing !!! not to be a +/- watcher but him just being on the floor opens up so much space for#everyone else because defenders will swarm him no matter what and he knows this because he is very smart !!!#I just have so much love in my heart for him and it physically hurts me to see anyone speak negatively about him after everything#that he's overcome and how critical he is of himself :( I just want him to feel loved :((#guys this is so stupid i don't even KNOW him and he still occupies a fairly large portion of my brain and heart 24/7 it's so badddd#steph and klay were my whole entire childhood and then i forgot about them for the year they were injured and then I remembered them again#after which they found their way back to each other and won the whole fucking thing !!! that's the shit of romcoms bitch !!!#and even if they really won't ever share a backcourt again (which pains me to even type out ew) I'll still love both of them#unconditionally i fear#and also forever#how can you not be romantic about basketball baby!!!#steph/klay#if you read all of this first of all im so sorry and thank you too lol :)
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Me: *furiously trying to edit this court opinion, upset about damage to our sun room from a recent horrible scary rainstorm, antsy in cubicle, bouncing leg like a damn kangaroo* I suffer.
Mom: I'm baking you some potatoes so you guys can have them when you get home from work.
Bast: I put away the Christmas tree all by myself so you wouldn't have to.
Me: I am loved and I can get through anything!!!
#kidk says stuff#long story short rain somehow got in under the sun room roof and started dripping from a crack in the ceiling all over the floor#this happened at 10pm on tuesday and scared the shit out of me bc it's like. my worst fear? house getting fucked by a storm?#((well one of my worst fears anyway i have a lot of worst fears))#there's now stains on the ceiling along the crack and in a splotch nearby where presumably water pooled between the roof and ceiling#the guy who installed the roof in april 2022 came yesterday and did SOMETHING up there but said he'd come back today to do something else#and afaik he has not done so and it's already 3pm#:< even after he's done hopefully sealing stuff up we gotta get the ceiling crack fixed and the area repainted with kilz and paint
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vague DP x Noragami crossover time~
Hiyori is terrified of Danny; something about him rubs her so so wrong. She tries her best to be nice, but she is the equivalent of a shivering chihuahua puppy in his midst. Danny feels kinda bad about that, but he can't really turn it off without turning human so he tries to stay as calm as possible around her.
Yukine, on the other hand, loves him. He thinks Danny's so cool and keeps bugging him about stuff from America and trying to show off how much he knows about the culture (a very impressive amount actually), and goes nuts seeing all the things Danny can do with his ghost powers. Danny feels the same about Yukine, gushing about his Shinki abilities and urging him into telling stories about his adventures and Japanese culture. These two become good friends.
Yato is kind of indifferent, and then the tiniest bit jealous once Yukine starts looking up to Danny. After getting to know him a little more, Danny has a hard time believing someone like Yato is a real "god".
It doesn't take long for Yukine to start looking up to Danny, just seeing how easily Danny can take care of Ayakashi (named "Phantoms" in the anime, heh) impressed Yukine enough to ask for advice. Thus, Yato's "oh hey potentially a customer!" doesn't last more than a day or two.
Danny does accidentally hang out with Hiyori in human form, and she does not recognize him in the slightest. She also isn't afraid of him at all in human form.
Important note: Danny, to this trio, only know him as "Phantom"
Side idea: I,,, am gonna be honest, I dunno how the naming system would work realistically, but somehow with some word, Yato gets cut off from saying the whole word of something and Danny gets a funny feeling in his chest! By the time he feels two hands holding him tightly, he realizes that he is A) not in ghost form, B) not in human form, and C) he was-
"A Thermos?" Yato asked. "Bit of a random item, but- HOLD ON YOU'RE A SHINKI?!"
Danny did not, in fact, know he was a Shinki.
The idea is: Yato, being a "god of calamity" (if this isnt actually true, F to me), and Danny, being... whatever the hell amalgamation of ecto-energy and ghost shit and human being that he is- they both sort of? overlap? If that makes sense. And so, even though Yato did not intend to call a Shinki, nor did he know Danny was a Shinki (and that he had apparently bestowed a name at some point and completely forgotten about except- that's impossible what the fuck) he had none the less a new Shinki in his possession. One that turned into a thermos.
Idk how this would go plotwise, but Yato would immediately turn around and go "hey, Yukine, isn't this great? We can use Danny to keep food warm in the winter-!" and then he gets wrestled to the ground by Hiyori of all people, who was previously keeping a good distance between her and Danny and also panicking a little bit because it seemed like his smell completely disappeared what-
And Danny is just "what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck" and "did my parents sell me to the calamity god at some point???"
The answer he gets is no, but he's never totally sure and is always suspicious about it.
Some more notes:
-> He freaks out Hiyori because he smells like an Ayakashi
-> Yukine is a little bit drawn to him due to their similar (enough) circumstances.
-> Yato doesn't give much of a shit beyond the usual, at first, because he's used to the presence of death and Ayakashi near him. And Danny's existence isn't much of a surprise to him after hanging out with a sort-of Ayakashi (Hiyori) for so long.
-> After transforming into a Shinki for Yato, Danny can, in fact, blight him! When he changes back to his non-thermos self though, he does not blight Yato.
-> Danny offers to teach Yukine math one (1) time when Hiyori is unavailable and it ends with both of them getting repeat lessons. Danny thinks its a rip-off that he's not in school and yet he's still doing homework.
#dp crossover#DPxNoragami#danny phantom#noragami#nemotime#might add to this later when i'm further along in my rewatch of the anime and remember more stuff#tho i definitely remember that Rabo guy and it would be quite fun to consider him fucking shit up for Yato AND Danny#i wanna make Danny and Hiyori decent friends when he's in human form but i find it so funny making her just hiss at him out of fear#and then going 'omg im sooo sorry. i dont know what came over me- *HISS*' but like. she is completely 100% geniune#poor girl. it is very amusing to me however#possible reasons for Danny not in school - vacation. graduated. errand for Clockwork. etc. idk yet)#will probably make it so that Hiyori eventually gets used to having him around and then she's the one to make the connection#about his human form. but for now. crying screaming hissing on the floor etc#YOOO#HOW FUCKED UP WOULD IT BE IF CLOCKWORK WAS ONE OF THE BIG TIME 'gods' AND HE JUST MADE DANNY HIS SHINKI#WITHOUT TELLING HIM????#ohhhh#this fucks me up oh man#CW seeing no problem with it & Danny not getting the problem until its pointed out to him#that he can't remember a single time before this when he was used / turned into a thermos#because when you make a spirit a Shinki and give them a name#they transform. so Danny should be able to remember transforming *at least* once before now. and yet.#i mean its not that hard to figure out right? Master ('god') of all time. Likely to be very volatile Shinki. Just rewind and you're good :)#and maybe CW does rewind. when Danny starts blighting him kinda hard. and Danny doesn't notice much out of place#he just thinks he got knocked out during a fight and asked what he missed#later. Hiyori and Yukine will try to jog his memory and Yato will be doing ... something sus probably in the background to try to help#oh man i also gotta figure out Danny and Yato's whole deal with the accidental Shinki + blighting mess between them#anywho bed time for meee
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Not me realizing that a man breaking into my house is the source of all my stalker dreams and all my breaking and entering dreams and all my late night paralyzing anxieties about someone being in my house uninvited. Duh.
#for years and years i thought i just inherited anxiety from my mom#i thought that too many shane dawson videos and true crime docs gave me this unshakable fear#and then one day this memory surfaced like a hippo coming up for air#and now it all makes sense. a man i knew was dangerous broke into my house.#broke down my door. i heard the door and the inner frame crash to the floor#for years afterwards the door did not shut right. if it was unlocked it would swing open in the wind#even as i dealt with this every day. even as i knew that my door had been broken through before#i did not truly understand the weight of that memory until very recently.#i could not have told you about the intruder taking my moms purse and car keys#could not have told you where he put them#could not have told you about the neighbor man who came to our door. who offered to fix it up for free#who offered to buy my mothers broken gun off her hands. who waited with us while the cops went on a manhunt#who was found out to be harboring our intruder in his house the whole time he was talking to us. he had invited him in#thats how this neighbor man knew where to find us and what had happened#i could not have told you any of these things that i remember so clearly. i remember it happened on a tuesday#this was all lost to me for so many years. buried in the mud at the bottom of my mind#and now here it is. clear as day.
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i ate a meat pie fresh out of the oven yesterday and burnt off a few layers of mouth skin and now whenever i drink a liquid i can feel the loose layer of skin swelling slightly. according to google it's a second degree burn
#happened yesterday morning and its mostly fine now but omg i was so scared for a while#it actually hurt so bad for the first hour and a half i drank maybe two whole bottles of water#which was awful btw bc i had to piss three times in the stanky nasty school bathrooms#there is always a layer of piss on the floor + unbelievable stench of shit + group of guys skipping or vaping or both#plus the slight fear of being trans in the bathroom#oh and cant forget the kids bashing the stall doors open#the other guys hate the bathrooms too god ugh ew anyway off topic#its on the top of the right half of my mouth and the skin was peeling so bad yesterday#but its already much better#just uncomfortable or a bit painful to eat some things#my friend said this has happened to him several times after eating too many sour lollies#where the skin of his mouth just. burnt off.#he worries me a tad
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diary entry time
#last night at jd's place i spilled water all over myself and the floor and got so upset i freaked out crying#and he came over to me like this can't be about the water and i finally told him i used to get in such big trouble for making messes#as a kid that i have a near-pathological fear of it now and every time it happens i overapologize and shake and cry#and he was so gentle with me he held me and let me cry and asked me to stop being so hard on myself#and said he hopes that my inner child will heal from this but he'll be here for me either way#and i felt so thankful and safe and loved when we fell asleep together ❤️ and he said i'm the love of his life#i think i was scared to say it back but i held him close and let it wash over me and i slept so well
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sometimes i wonder why i am the way i am and then i remember that the penultimate track on the summer 2014 car cd was ben folds five boxing. and yeah no that adds up
#it’s then followed by mark and lard’s classic cuts mull of kintyre i mean the whole cd is an experience#and i mean this cd stayed in the car for a long time like it’s in at the minute which is why i’m thinking about this#like i dunno imagine being a child just enjoying the music and then some guy is just ‘well sometimes i punch myself hard as i can’ l#banger song though definitely up there with my favourite ben folds five songs#ezra’s real life rambles#ezra likes music#michael praytor does hold a special place in my heart that’s track five on the same cd i believe? there or there abouts#i don’t remember if they were on the live aid one i have a feeling they weren’t#i don’t remember which one the associates party fears two was on either but that’s another fun one#nowadays my dad listens to a lot of yard act i think? and they’re pretty fun quite different but i enjoy it#for reference he is very much the one who made th summer 2014 cd#tell you what’s a childhood classic. ain’t no pleasing you by whoever he was that was a fun divorce foreshadowing#and also has good harmonies ! anyway right i should continue doing stuff i was being productive and now i’m on the floor
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i met a stranger and am now contemplating moving to perú
#not kidding#i’m in an urgent care place that does work physicals (needing a physical myself)#and an older gentlemen next to me who was clearly there for the urgent care was struggling to stand#and his wife was unable to help him so i was like hola sen~or puedo ayudarle ? and they both whip their heads towards my white ass#and the fear in the wife’s eyes cuz she had been complaining to him ab me sitting so close#in their defense at this point people including myself were sitting all over the floor and anywhere they could fit#and anyway he was delighted and we started chatting and he was thrilled to hear i’m working on paramedic#and he was like Ohh you’re a smart boy you’re going to be a doctor next yes ? and i was like lmao not my broke ass#and he was like okay but in my country …… you can go to college for free . you should train to be a doctor for free there :3#like first of all mad respect for the plug#and second of all i had no idea that in many non american countries that education was free#like yeah i’d been told it was hella cheaper#but Free Free ?#dayum#and then i was like that would be a dream but my spanish is very dusty and i don’t have real people to practice w since leaving my hometown#and he was like guess what bestie you do now. here is my phone number. please call me and we chat#and anyway it’s such a pipe dream and i know that#but now i have someone to talk to !!!!!!!!!!!!!!#unrelated but i have yet to eat today and i have been sitting in this accursed waiting room for 3+ hours
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