#and now I'm crying

[whoisspence]

"[...] i hope he continues to live in everyone's mind, heart and imagination the way he will always live on in mine"

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

It took 2 people to fully convince Crosshair to do a 180 on the Empire - but neither of those people were Bad Batch members.

They couldn't be. What would a squad of defective clones who had been disobeying orders since day 1 know about loyalty to an institution determined to establish order for the good of the galaxy? What would they know about finding purpose in being "good soldiers"?

Now, I DO think the seeds of Crosshair's eventual defection were planted by his brothers. Hunter pointing out that "Blind allegiance makes you a pawn" and then telling Crosshair "All you'll ever be to them is a number" are statements that are proven later to be true. But it takes Cody and Mayday to drive the lessons home.

Cody and Mayday share several characteristics that place them in unique positions to influence Crosshair:

Both are regs who accepted and befriended Crosshair - Cody says he specifically asked for Crosshair for the mission, and Mayday is upfront and friendly to Crosshair right from the start. (Contrast this to the other regs getting up to move tables when Crosshair sits to eat, or the other clone troopers who walk past Crosshair to get onto the shuttle without even sparing him a glance.)

Both are commanders. (I believe Crosshair ultimately respects authority for the most part: even when he was arguing with and challenging Hunter in "Aftermath," he still deferred to Hunter's orders until his inhibitor chip was intensified and he was then promoted to commander.)

Both are loyal soldiers who have served the Empire well - again, these regs are still commanders even under the new government. And we all know how important loyalty to the Empire is to Crosshair at this point.

Both save Crosshair's life during their missions.

In short, both are regs, but they are still soldiers Crosshair can quickly identify with and trust.

I think it's key that Crosshair encountered Cody before Mayday, though. And despite their similarities, both soldiers drive home different points.

CODY

Cody is one of the few regs we know Crosshair already respected - and still respects, given that Crosshair almost smiles when he recognizes him.

(Some proof in case it isn't apparent: Crosshair goes from frowny face...

...to relaxed almost-happy-if-you-squint-just-right face)

Anyway, while Cody does drop some hints early on that he has doubts about the Empire, he is willing to carry out the mission to rescue "Governor" Grotton, showing he will follow orders to a certain extent. However, he shows more restraint than Crosshair might have: he doesn't attack the civilians despite their obvious mistrust of the soldiers, he comes to an understanding with Tawni Ames, he's NOT willing to follow an order to execute her, and he is clearly dismayed and disappointed by her death.

And so, at the end of a "successful" mission, Cody more plainly reveals the depth of his dissatisfaction with following orders against one's own moral scruples:

Hunter had said "Blind allegiance makes you a pawn." And Cody, unwilling to blindly and unquestioningly be a pawn - or act like a battle droid - any longer, goes AWOL.

But that lesson alone isn't enough to make Crosshair turn on the Empire. Instead, he needs Mayday to give him the final push.

MAYDAY

First, Mayday indicates how appalled he is by the idea of anyone leaving their own behind - which we know is a sore spot for Crosshair. But most importantly, Mayday has demonstrated since he was first introduced that he strongly believes in soldiers being loyal to and looking out for each other (which is far different than just being loyal to the Empire).

Second, Mayday unknowingly challenges Crosshair's belief that serving the Empire provides meaningful purpose. (Remember that one of Crosshair's main arguments to his brothers about joining the Empire was so they could "find purpose again.")

Then, he unwittingly goes for the jugular and rips apart the motto Crosshair had adopted.

And then, in case Crosshair has any lingering doubts about the answer to Mayday's rhetorical question, Nolan decidedly answers the question for him.

Hunter had said "All you'll ever be to them is a number," and he is proven right in the most heartbreaking way.

Crosshair had accused his brothers of not being loyal to him; unfortunately, now he sees what true disloyalty looks like. And for Crosshair - severe and unyielding - realizing that he has misplaced his loyalty by giving it to an entity that mocks him and casts him AND those he cares about aside for doing so... this is the final straw.

Thankfully, Crosshair has now rediscovered the people who are worthy of his loyalty.

[advluv4life]

I wish I could feel the way Haikyuu makes me feel all time.

[zadig-fate]

despite all the jokes about bojan jerking off I think it is legitimately sweet that his friends came to the premier of his first feature film

iirc he said he used to be torn between pursuing a career as a musician or an actor so it probably means a lot to him that his musician friends also support his acting career

[rayshippouuchiha]

LoW may not have been the first Female Tony fic I ever read all those years ago (according to my bookmark tag, I've been here since day 7 after it was first posted, which is a crazy timeline to think about), but I desperately need you to know that it is absolutely the standard by which I judge all Female Tony fics I've read since (and, really, any gender bent fic from any fandom to be honest).

The justice you have done Female Tony is, in my opinion, incomparable. There are absolutely other Female Tony fics out there that set the bar high, from characterization to plot to depth and beyond, that I will always hold in the highest esteem, but the world building and blood, swear, tears, and love you have obviously put into LoW (and the entire CoC universe) sets a standard unto itself, both as the specific niche of a Female Tony Stark and to the broader world of exploring such a male driven literary industry through the lense of "but what would happen if he was a she instead?" As a woman, I so greatly treasure the ability to experience one of my favorite stories in a more relatable way, and I can't thank you enough for that.

I don't know when you'll feel ready to come back to LoW (or any part of CoC), but I, for one, eagerly and patiently await the arrival of that day, feel honoured to have experienced what you've written so far, and shall reread my favorite moments again and again while I wait (currently rereading LoW from the very beginning, which is something I haven't done in a while [I usually pick up just before the Avengers plot line begins when I need a fix] which inspired me to send this). Thank you for shaping, quite literally, my fandom experience in such a positive way ❤️

[briar--rising]

Long post about grief and mothers and probably other stuff, idk

Something that I've been trying to process lately is a certain almost loss of my mom. I mean, she's still around, she hasn't died, and I haven't and won't cut contact. But I don't need to cut external contact, because I've cut off our relationship internally, for the most part. And it's been devastating.

For all that our relationship was a toxic abusive enmeshed disaster, I still loved her desperately, and she was still my mom. But as I've been working on recovering I've needed to separate myself from her, become my own person with boundaries, and because of who she is I can't do that and still have a mother left. She can't act maternally towards me without subsuming me, and I can't let her do that anymore. So I can't have a mom. When we talk these days mostly she honestly feels like some random woman who is vaguely intellectually connected to the mom I had in the past. She doesn't feel like a mother at all anymore, not even in the bad ways really. There's just...nothing there. It's not safe for there to be anything there.

I used to hold out hope that sometime in the distant future we'd be able to have an honest conversation about my childhood and our relationship, that she'd be able to hear my perspective and recognize me as an individual and have a healthier relationship with me. And I finally realized that that dream is impossible. It will never happen. She refuses to go back to therapy, she has no desire for introspection, every time I try to raise something she gaslights me, she feels too unsafe to risk vulnerability. It's just not going to happen. You can't buy oranges at the hardware store. I need to be a person, and because of her issues she can't be a mother to a separate person. And I've finally accepted that.

And I am left with such tremendous grief. I read a sentence earlier about someone calling their mom when they were upset in the middle of the night and thought, "I can't do that. I haven't been able to do that in years, and I never will again. I can't trust her with the truth of myself, with my vulnerabilities, with my feelings. She feels like a distant cousin, someone I can make small talk with at family events, not someone who raised me, who knows me, who I can share myself with. She will never be able to learn about the person I am becoming, and I will change more and more from the version of me in her head, and she will not see it. When I feel small and lonely and sad and sick and want a mom to take care of me, there is no one I can call. That does not exist any longer. I don't know that it ever truly did, but I used to have a facsimile of it, and now and forever more I won't have even that."

It is devastating, to realize and start accepting that I don't have a mom, not truly. It is excruciating. I didn't realize, when I started to become my own person and separate from her, that I would lose her like this. I feel in some ways like I didn't know what I was getting into when I started making certain types of progress towards healing, like I didn't give informed consent. I think that's been the hardest part. I was blindsided by this loss, didn't even realize it was happening until it was basically irreversible. I'd like to think that if I had known I would have made the same decisions, that healing and becoming my own person is worth this grief. But I didn't know I was making that choice, certainly not on a conscious level. And now it's done, and I can never go back.

I've been talking about this in therapy, the fact that I can never fully return to the state of person-less-ness I spent my childhood in. Even if I let myself become completely subsumed in someone else again, I would have memories of once being my own person. It would be different than the complete lack of selfhood and subjectivity I had as a child. And of course that's a good thing, of course I don't want to be only an object never a subject. But I didn't know what I'd be giving up, by doing this. I feel betrayed by my own healing. It hurts. It really, really hurts.

[milliesfishes]

I made a mistake

[shadowqueenjude]

Lehebah would've loved Lorcan😭😭😭😭😭😭

[parsley-sage-rosemary-n-thyme]

@duchess-of-chaos' post on Feuilles-O reminded me of something.

Bridge Over Troubled Water was published on January 26, 1970.

I remember hearing Feullies-O for the first time on some compilation like 20 years ago or something, and there were other demos they cut later, on July 8, 1970. I know those demos were later included on Sounds of Silence releases in 2000s, but I checked on the compilation booklet and that's the date they were recorded, not 1966 but 1970.

The demos I'm talking about are Barbriallen, Roving Gambler and Rose of Aberdeen. The latter was also performed live at the Forest Hills Tennis Stadium on July 18, 1970 (link has the wrong title, but it's the right song). As we know, they also used to sing That Silver-Haired Daddy of Mine and Lightning Express in concerts between 1969 and 1970, not to mention Bye Bye Love, which they covered since 1968 at least.

I've been wondering all these years... were they just having fun, recording those tracks in Summer 1970? Or maybe, just maybe... they were thinking about a potential next album?

Stay with me on this for a while. How to follow the huge success of BOTW? A compilation of cover songs would have taken lots of pressure off of them. And what's better that a homage to the Everly Brothers, and/or to traditional music in general?

This is just a thought of course, but I've been wondering for quite some time... it would've been a marvelous album, imho. They sound great singing these songs, their voices are a perfect match to this kind of music.

What you think about it? Am I being silly, or is it at least a bit fascinating?

[datshitrandom]

~ i'm tears

[acrylicthegod]

Ok but this song is so heartbreaking and so beautiful and it gives Steven Universe and AGHHHHHH

[frontlinebicepsoftheninth]

PALAMEDES REMEMBERS EVERYTHING: THAT WAS HIS PROBLEM.

I ALWAYS REMEMBER HIM. THAT'S MINE.

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

Headcanons about the other imprisoned children on Tantiss:

Jax is an only child.

Eva is the youngest of three.

Sami has a little brother whom she absolutely adored, and she liked helping her parents care for him. This is why she's the one who takes care of Bayrn: not only does he remind her of her brother, but she's also the only "test subject" who has any real idea how to take care of a baby.

[noyaspeach]

don't mind me, just sharing a devastating new addition to my astarion playlist

[writingwarden]

Putting on my character playlist and being hit with the most emotionally devastating song combo right off the bat

[fuckitwhenifeelit]

😭 honestly, given how T'Challa acts with Nakia. This is the energy I imagine T'Chaka and Ramonda had , and now I'm sad.

- @wanderingquill

---

AWW! OH NO NOW IM SAD!

theyre together vibing in the ancestral plane now... theyre together now. I'm happy for them