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fellow germans, der stoff für memes geht mir einfach nicht aus derzeit

EDIT: link to article (no paywall) in the reblogs!!

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In case you're wondering what the fuck is going on in Germany today:

After our government imploded last week, current vice chancellor Robert Habeck (Greens) was the first to announce that he is going to run for chancellor in the upcoming election. He did this with a picture in which he was seen wearing a bracelet that spelt out "Kanzler-Era". He then proceeded to properly announce his candidacy in a video, filmed on a set designed to look like my mum's kitchen in the 90s, where he said, and I quote,

"I am ready to offer my experience, my strength, and my responsibility. As chancellor, if you'll have me."

He also encouraged people to invite him into their homes so he could listen to their problems. His party is currently polling around 10-12% btw. Ambitious to the point of delusion, but mad respect. Just look at him.

The title translates to "My application as a candidate for the people in Germany". The Greens are always so goddamn earnest, you just gotta love them.

So anyway, this prompted a random dude from the Cologne CDU (that's the conservative party) named Gundolf (no, really) to post on twitter that, should the Greens win, we should "inofficially" rethink women's right to vote. He also called Habeck a "political marriage swindler".

German twitter, predictably, replied with a very well-deserved "The FUCK, bro".

Then, Gundolf goes on an absolutely unhinged rant about how, actually, historically women weren't discriminated against because they were "rightfully" considered more emotional and fragile, and also, women's suffrage was a result of higher literacy rates (???), and ALSO, have you, the reader, considered that Robert Habeck is the true misogynist here because he presents himself as emotionally available in a clear effort to manipulate the girlies??? With his good looks and political competency and raw sexual appeal. NOT GUNDOLF of course. HE is immune to all that. He's just concerned for women and their fragile little brains.

(Okay, I may have exaggerated that last part a little but that's the vibes. Gundolf, do you want to tell us something?)

Anyway, that's the party who will most likely head our government next year 🙃

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OH GOTT! HABECKOMANIE! Mein kleines, weibliches Gehirn ist so verwirrt...er ist einfach da, sitzt in seiner Küche, sagt so viele besonnene Sachen und schon bin ich betört! Was soll ich machen? ICH BIN DOCH NUR EIN MÄDCHEN!? Nehmt mir bitte das Wahlrecht weg, ich mache nur Blödsinn damit. Nicht nur mir, UNS ALLEN! Du bist so ein HEXER, schöner Robert! Du vernebelst unsere Sinne!!!

Gut, dass es die CDU gibt, die uns darüber aufklärt.

UND DANN LEBEN WIR ALLE IN EUREM VERSCHISSENEN ALTE WEISSE MÄNNER HANDMAID'S TALE!!!!! VOLL DER TRAUM!!!!

ICH KANN MITTLERWEILE GAR NICHT MEHR SO VIEL ESSEN, WIE ICH KOTZEN KÖNNTE!

Darf jetzt jeder dahergelaufene Politiker-Bumskopf eigentlich seine widerlichste Weltansichten ins Weltnetz posten, ohne, dass was passiert??? Offensichtlich! Ist das schon Penisneid? Incel? Verkappter Bock auf Habeck-Yaoi? Oder einfach Dummheit gepaart mit ner verkackten Weltansicht?

Achso, wir haben ja das MIMIMI vergessen! Ooooh, alle sind so böse zu Dir:

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it’s been 11 years since mcr broke up (and probably 11 years since they would’ve released paper kingdom) and today is 11/11 is this anything??

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likely search history to have.

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the second frank started denying mcr5 like peter denied christ i knew for sure it was happening

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My Chemical Romance are being cryptic again so

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GUYS WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN

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If it's not a new album I'll tell the FBI that Frank's playing that song again.

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umm, wtf is going on right now??? "If you could be anything, what would you be?" I don't know, what do you mean?? (Probably a bookshop owner and mentally less ill though)

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Pour one out for the poor German Journalisten, die - nachdem sie sich mit Prognosen und Auszählungen die Nacht um die Ohren geschlagen hatten - dachten, sie haben nach den ganzen Trump-Brennpunkten endlich Feierabend

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why are we doing a 1938 speedrun again

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Germany's government just fell apart. What a fucked up 24 hours it's been

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hi, had a really long and stressful day, trump won the election and my country's government is chaos right now so...ignore me while i scream into the fucking void because oh my god what is this shit (i swear on friday i'll just sit in bed with a cup of tea)

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German destiel for German news

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star trek braucht mehr deutsche charaktere, ohne witz... ich will wiebke, die mit warp 7 in der warp 3 zone geblitzt wird. ich will finn-elias, der mit seinem klingonischen kumpel selfies postet und #ehrenlos als caption nimmt. ich will bernd, der sich permament beschwert, dass man nirgendwo außer der erde gutes vollkornbrot kriegt. "brezel ausm replikator? da kann ich auch gleich eine von aldi essen!" es ist 2267 und stuttgart 21 ist immer noch ne aktive baustelle. leute gebt mir n bisschen budget das wird geil