#and not some superficial narcissistic bullshit

[anon372]

Does anybody else think there should be more DILF Oroku Saki? Thinking about 2003 Shredder here.

[astropookie]

Venus signs at different degrees 💕 pt 2

Requests 🫦

This picture is from Pinterest.

Sagittarius venus at 9° or 21° (sagittarius degree)

OMG you’re a wave, a leaf in the air -so poetic😣😩-: no one can stop you. You like to not knowing what’s gonna happen in the future or what happened in the past. You live in the MOMENT, if you look something or someone you want, you go for it: straightforward. They don’t like it when love -relationships- takes all their energy, when they’re too focus on it, and it doesn't let them go on with their life as before. Throughout their life they experience different type of relationships, they would love to. One of the things that Jupiter represents is expansion, in this case is about living them, trying new things. Expanding their knowledge -in this field as well-. People with this combo is wise and have street knowledge. This people have SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE -and that they want to-. But they don’t do it yet. I always say the same fucking shit, but they know their value. If you don’t fit in their box, they’re not wasting their time with you. They’re selective. As they look like they’re fantasizing with traveling and knowing new people, people always forget what is in front of them: how intelligent this placement + degree is. They secretly, so secretly wish for some stability in their life, around all the chaos. With this double energy they could be so egocentric and narcissist, thinking no one is at their level, SO FUCKING GOD PLEASE AT THIS POINT YOU’RE GOING TO BE WITH NO ONE BUT IT’S NOT EVEN ABOUT THAT, IT’S ABOUT TO FUCKING LIVE, TO GIVE A CHANCE TO THE OTHER AND LEARN ABOUT IT. YOU’RE RESTRICTING YOURSELF FROM YOUR OWN BELIEVES. My theory is that if it’s exaggerated, it’s going to make the inicial energy opposite.

Earth venus at 7° or 19° (libra degree)

Ok, at first glance 🤓, you’re the example when it comes to form commitment and grounded relationships, -so pretty and cute and perfect and blablabla-, and with the libra degree, this fucking shit looks too perfect: with their charming nature and balance that they always carry with them. Too fucking perfect, I don’t believe that bullshit. So here we go 😈 -exposing placements 🥺-. They would do anything to stay in the comfort of maintaining their life balanced -including their relationships-. They don’t like anything that would fuck this harmonious ideal. Because they have put a LOT of effort into it, to maintain it. Controlling the environment and relationships in a subtle way, that no one would imagine😇. They’re willing to be presented in a way that adapts how the new people in their life would like the most. They prefer their relationship to be sinking than confronting their own problems -and with the earth venus the desire of comfort is gonna double-, without saying anything, keeping it calm, without disagreement… And when they want to discuss what bothers them, they’re not direct. They could be passive aggressive, wanting the other to know what bothers them without telling them, like if their partner were a psychic🤗. Everything is going to hell and with their fucking soul, they don’t want to, they don’t want this -the relationships- to end. They’re going to maintain a superficial environment if they get carried away by their desire. Manipulating -or wathever- the ones that destroy their ideal world. Being selfish -this is in exaggerate case-. Without the traits that I mentioned, the earth venus makes this people let their partner know that they’re there for them. But for the ones that have the honor to know that vulnerable side of these ones. At first, they’re not going to rush, they’re PRETTY cautious, they don’t want something fast and superficial -like they always said about them🙄-, but why? They prefer this grounded energy in relationships. Like other earth placements, they take their time, -they know how to, when, every fucking thing- they calculate EVERYTHING, they want to make it in the correct way, perfect. Because you’re so special to them. They may seem too practical, too “yes, we have to do this and this and this”, could not be seen as emotional or imaginative. But with this degree, the last part it’s the opposite: they’re so creative, loving the little stuff that have to do with art, not even with art -they could love something that has nothing to do with it, but with their creativity they put it in another level-. They need to be loved, they need to be cared; or knowing that their effort of being and act what others in their surrounding think is the best, it’s worth it. They have a high social intelligence, just think about it 😳…but they would like to stay in their thing, looking for the drama in a third plane.

Air venus at 8° or 20° (scorpio degree)

They look so independent, in their thing, but with a strong control in their relationships. I imagine them so happy, analyzing the situation while talking and then someone mentions their partner, and all of a sudden, their attention goes towards it -looks like a wattpad situation🤪-. One moment you’re -this placement at this degree- thinking and explaining how people should act logically, leaving their emotions behind “because it blurs their vision of things and way of acting” -that’s what they would say-. And then you end up being taken by your emotions. LAIK🤯 You’re being counterproductive. Make your dictations of how the other should act, make sense, including you. You are depth -don’t take me wrong🌚- , people meet you and know you hide something, could be your nature, a trauma or the way you treat people you’re most intimate -that’s the opposite of how you treat “common” people-. This degree makes the person DIE FOR YOU. Even live for you -so dramatic, I’m seeing a shoujo manga character here-. They desire you, in every aspect 😏 -unless exemptions-. But I think the air venus makes them seem like they don’t care. They communicate, about their feelings, intentions towards you, etc. -and they would like you to do the same- with a misterious spice. Affirmations and compliments are always present. Like every scorpio placements, they show vulnerability when you show them that you’re trustworthy. You’re going to be IMPRESSED of how they’re with you -they show love in an obvious way, giving you meaningful gifts, physical contact…-, and the way they act with others. If you are the one that only see that facet of them, you’re lucky. They have the power of hypnotize people, they know the effect they have on others, the type of energy they give that throws others into them, but only few people can enter in their lives.

 —•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—

•This is based on my personal experience and what I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.

•English is not my first language.

•I’m not a profesional astrologer, I just love astrology and I’m willing to learn.

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

Do not copy. Please give me credits.

[hislittleraincloud]

It’s just ridiculous how she’s all like “I prayed, I prayed” girl, I prayed for my mom to beat cancer and you know what praying got me? Nothing. She passed away.

Praying didn’t get Jenna to where she is, her skill, ability to act and her pr team got her to where she is.

That whole video montage screams narcissistic and begging for sympathy (especially the part about her and the father’s marriage being in a questionable state)

This one here is extra disingenuous:

Lady, you sent your barely legal 18-year-old daughter off to New Zealand to make a horror movie that included a scene where she stripped down to her ☀️ Sunday🎀 panties and sucked Kid Cudi's BBC. What was so much more terrifying about being in Romania with Tim Burton?

As for this:

Well duh, you had too many kids, and in families like this, you parentify the older kids to take care of the younger ones. Always, because the culture perpetuates it. Aliyah was complaining about coming home from foot surgery and being expected to make dinner that night (and having to baby sit brats who were messing with her foot and crutches). There is only the superficial appearance of order and familial "love" when it's just all passing off the work to others because you don't have the time. (And this happens in all religious families that have a ton of kids, not just Latines.)

One part of Ortega's book that caught my eye was this passage:

When you said 'narcissistic', I hadn't really thought about Nat in that way until I remembered this passage. Here, Jenna — already a Disney teen star with various commitments — is feeling overwhelmed and doesn't want to talk/needs to decompress. Her mother attempted to prod her into feeling something she wasn't feeling, then turns around to say that Jenna is the problem? And she managed to convince her that she was the problem. The invalidation of someone's mood and feelings to tell them that they're the problem is textbook gaslighting.

...Huh. Now that I think about it, it's actually no wonder that Ortega tends to (subconsciously, I think) take roles where she is an angsty teen battling Mommy Issues. Almost all of her live action roles to date have been her as an angsty teen with Mommy Issues/Mommy Problems.

I'm sorry about your mother. People like the religious Ortegas would say that it's "God's will" or that "He has a plan for everything" or some trite bullshit. I would just say that it's life, it happens, and when the worst things happen, it sucks. Then again, I cast this monotheistic God my worst curse when I was dying and then all of a sudden, started to get better. That was almost 40 years ago, and I've never looked back.

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

"I haven't seen it but I guess the pie scene comes after this Brad interrogation?"

It does. Mobius loses control when Brad calls him "nothing" and "a nowhere man" and he slaps Brad, so Loki takes Mobius out of the room. Mobius is upset about losing it and rushes off. They end up at the pie room.

Mobius: I lost it.

Loki: It's okay. Look, it happens. You know, sometimes a rage builds up and you just gotta... let it out. Do you remember that time I was so angry with my father and my brother, I went down to Earth and I held the whole of New York City hostage with an alien army? Tried to use the Mind Stone on Tony Stark. It didn't work, so I threw him off the building. [...] I lost it. Sometimes our emotions get the better of us.

We know from the Marvel site: Gifted with a Scepter that acted as a mind control device, Loki would be able to influence others. Unbeknownst to him, the Scepter was also influencing him, fueling his hatred over his brother Thor and the inhabitants of Earth.

So, as far as Loki knows, a big part of what fueled him during the invasion was genuine anger. He makes it sound humorous to cheer Mobius up.

... except most people will ignore that part and choose to believe that Loki really did attack NYC because he was in a bad mood, because lol that's so funny or whatever. Do I wish they'd actually state the entire truth, Thanos and all, on screen? Fuck yes. Marvel continuing to not do that has been infuriating.

As for Brad, he intentionally kept Dox's plan a secret, so he supported her decision and had no problem with her pruning the branches - as long as he wasn't the one being pruned. He no longer wears the uniform, but he's still complicit.

Thank you. That last paragraph, specifically... why isn't Mobius framed the same way as Brad then? All these agents are the same, their ideologies are the same. They may not know about their past memories as variants, but they agree with the TVA and their methods. They say: "Following orders". Yeah, right, because they agree with them.

Anyhow... Mobius loses it but he's comforted and his actions are no mark of his personality, his core being or his moral failings? How quaint. If only Loki was treated with the same compassion. This is more of the same bullshit framing from S1. Some characters, namely this Mobius guy (is it obvious that I don't like him? lol), can never do wrong. What a shitty way to write a character. He's evil, let him be evil!

Okay, enough of the fascist, let me go back to Loki. I get what you mean regarding Loki's anger, but my main issue with that line is 1) The absolute erasure of Thanos, 2) The mention of the Mind Stone but only with Loki as the executor, never the victim, 3) He speaks of his anger but he doesn't expand on it.

Marvel does that a lot lately. They mention something in passing but they don't want to take the time to really talk about it, and therefore they end up simplifying a complex matter and the characters are put in "good" and "bad" boxes with superficial purposes that can be easily understood but do nothing to flesh them out. Quite the opposite, they become carbon copies of who they used to be.

Like, why not include a line during that conversation where Loki explains why he was convinced Thor had pushed him off the bridge? I don't want Loki to comfort Mobius, I want him to kick his ass and eat his head, but if he has to comfort him for... reasons... then do so, talk about anger and then mention "Although of course at the time the Stone was messing with my head and I even thought Thor had thrown me off the bridge." I'm not a writer but you get what I mean. One line, it takes 5 seconds, and you get a reference to a previous movie but a reference that is accurate and not a lie. He can even say it in a lighthearted manner if he wants to because he's supposed to cheer the fascist up.

They just don't want to. It doesn't fit their narrative of the narcissist Loki (ugh).

[ashesh2ashes]

This dating stuff is bullshit. Like, I meet people here, in a deep south red state, and the people i'm attracted to are immediately just riddled with bright red flags. Doesn't help I have deep trust issues and more baggage than a fucking commercial airliner.

Dating apps? Its been creeps or bigots who have fetishes they don't wanna own.

Close friends/romantic interests? They rebound, I wait, give then time to heal, they rebound while I'm giving them time, or they're just straight up into the opposite sex.

I just wanna be fucking happy, I don't give a shit anymore, like how fucking hard is it to be happy.

Like, not to autofellate or come off like a narcissist, but id consider myself a catch.

I stay in shape, i've got a decent build, I have well rounded hobbies, financial stability, I consider myself a kind person. Im smart, funny enough, decently charismatic, Im a bit opinionated, sure, but i'm trans in the deep south. Like, not to be superficial but id be a 5 on a bad day and a 7-8 on most others. My worst traits when looking for a partner are that i'm autistic and tend to ramble/interrupt at bad times (working on catching it) and I want to be with someone I can be physically attracted to, because physical intimacy is important for me.

I just want to be loved man. I just want to be happy. I want to have someone I can be close and open with, someone I can talk to and figure out our problems with. Someone that consistently makes me happy to be around, someone who loves me for me. I don't need a model, or some paragon of righteousness or some stupid shit like that. I just want to be loved by someone I find attractive enough that can love back the same.

Im so tired of getting burned every time I throw my hat in the ring, and i'm so tired of my trust issues and complacency fucking me over.

[the-butterwitch]

For the fucks sake I cannot BELIEVE IT, I cannot believe this degree of imbecility - no, ok, wait, this perfectly resonates with the lib bullshit. They play the open minded card while they're the most insensitive narcissists people I know, and I'm RAISED by a narcissist. How in the fucking world would you (a therapist) just DUMP YOUR FUCKING BELIEFS ABOUT SEX WORK on a patient who suffered a terrible trauma about it! Fuck I'm so mad right now. I'm disgusted, I just want to scream. You can believe what you want. I'm against sex work but I find completely conceivable someone thinking "ok I'm positive about bdsm, porn, sex work, but some people got traumatised by sex trafficking and rape and this is horrible and wrong and I will be totally supportive", the same way I think we should drink more water but I would be supportive of people being coerced to drink a shit ton of water as a way to torture them. It's still an asinine and superficial way to think about ""sex work"" and it endangers women, but, ok, it would be so simple: "some people want it, some people are coerced in it, and this is traumatising".

But. No. They cannot be like this. They must be plainly EVIL, throwing at you their beliefs because they simply CANNOT SHUT THEIR FUCKING MOUTH ABOUT IT, their asinine unsupported-by-facts opinion is MORE IMPORTANT THAN TRAFFICKED WOMEN, MORE IMPORTANT THAN VICTIMS, MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU.

I saw these sex positive imbeciles being all "oh yes obvs BDSM is not for all women, some women use it as a coping mechanism because they were abused in childhood" and the first thing they did? Enabling a fragile woman, abused in childhood, in her toxic BDSM relationship with an abuser. Yay this is so cool! It's so cool he sees you like a sex machine and nothing else! It's so sexy the way he gifts you only sex toys he desires using on you! Go for it!

(fortunately she dumped his ass and now she's engaged with a woman, I'm so happy for her)

The "traumatised exception" for them is just ok if you think about it in theory. When they talk with this exception, they will do ANYTHING in order to silence it, because it threatens to shatter their delusions. And if their delusions are shattered, they could have doubts. And if they have doubts about male cumming everywhere on everything, then they're Not Good Women, they're not open-minded anymore! And their reputation is everything for them.

im thinking of calling my most recent therapist who, when i finally broke down and opened up about being a teenage prostitute and how it's ruined my perception of my body and men etc, said to me "But some women like it!" and it demolished all trust i had built with her. I want to call her now that i'm half stoned from benzos and tell her how ignorant that was to say to a crying, truamatized patient. thoughts?

[evilbeepthemeep]

Narc Abuse And Why It's Bullshit

Long post ahead and tw for rape apology, homophobia, transphobia and ableism

I decided on a whim to do a deep dive on who coined the term Narc abuse and the ideology used in narcissistic abuse circles.

And oh boy I found some info.

The term Narcissistic abuse was first coined sometime in the 90’s by a guy named Sam Vaknin. Notable things about this dude is he’s a writer, a philosopher, a physicist and has npd. Oh apparently he might not even have NPD and is just spouting bullshit to get away with being an unrepentant asshole.

Fun fact he was arrested and jailed for committing securities fraud in 1996.

Here’s a link to his CV. 

notice anything? He holds no qualifications for psychology or psychiatry. 

And even has this fun disclaimer on his website

Which means he has no credentials to talk or teach about NPD. Or Abuse. Or Domestic Violence.

I have combed through this man’s website, interviews and his medium articles and found some truly terrible shit. 

He’s misogynistic

Jacobsen: You agree with First Wave Feminism and Second Wave Feminism, and disagree with Third Wave Feminism and Fourth Wave Feminism. What defines them?

Vaknin: First and second wave feminisms (in plural: there are many schools) were focused on leveling the playing field and fighting abusive and exploitative practices such as prostitution and pornography.

Starting with the suffragettes, they focused on the franchise (the right to vote), equal wages, access (to healthcare, education, the workplace, daycare), revising the dress code (“rational dress”), the right to own and dispose of property, and converting marriage from indentured bondage to an intimate, hopefully lifelong equal partnership.

The third wave was a psychopathic outgrowth. While claiming to be inclusive and permissive, it was a defiant and reckless attempt to “empower” women by eliminating all boundaries, conventions, and mores of any kind in all fields of life.

What women have garnered from the confluence of the three waves is that they should make their careers the pivot of their lives, avoid meaningful, committed relationships with men, and pursue sex as a pastime with any man.

Ironically, the third wave played right into the hands of predatory men (“players”) who took advantage of the newfangled promiscuity while assiduously avoiding any hint of commitment or investment. Third wave feminists internalized the male gaze (“internalized oppression”) and pride themselves on being “sluts”.

The fourth wave of feminism is focused on real problems such as sexual harassment, rape, and body shaming as well as intersectionality (discrimination of women who belong to more than one minority). In many ways, it is an offshoot of second wave feminism.

Quote taken from Prof. Vaknin on Misogyny and Misandry

Transphobic

Philosophically, there is little difference between a narcissist who seeks to avoid his True Self (and positively to become his False Self) – and a transsexual who seeks to discard his true gender. But this similarity, though superficially appealing, is questionable.

People sometimes seek sex reassignment because of advantages and opportunities which, they believe, are enjoyed by the other sex. This rather unrealistic (fantastic) view of the other is faintly narcissistic. It includes elements of idealised over-valuation, of self-preoccupation, and of objectification of one's self. It demonstrates a deficient ability to empathise and some grandiose sense of entitlement ("I deserve to be taken care of") and omnipotence ("I can be whatever I want to be – despite nature/God").

This feeling of entitlement is especially manifest in some gender dysphoric individuals who aggressively pursue hormonal or surgical treatment. They feel that it is their inalienable right to receive it on demand and without any strictures or restrictions. For instance, they oftentimes refuse to undergo psychological evaluation or treatment as a condition for the hormonal or surgical treatment.

It is interesting to note that both narcissism and gender dysphoria are early childhood phenomena. This could be explained by problematic Primary Objects, dysfunctional families, or a common genetic or biochemical problem. It is too early to say which. As yet, there isn't even an agreed typology of gender identity disorders – let alone an in-depth comprehension of their sources.

A radical view, proffered by Ray Blanchard, seems to indicate that pathological narcissism is more likely to be found among non-core, ego-dystonic, autogynephilic transsexulas and among heterosexual transvestites. It is less manifest in core, ego-syntonic, homosexual transsexuals.

Autogynephilic transsexuals are subject to an intense urge to become the opposite sex and, thus, to be rendered the sexual object of their own desire. In other words, they are so sexually attracted to themselves that they wish to become both lovers in the romantic equation - the male and the female. It is the fulfilment of the ultimate narcissistic fantasy with the False Self as a fetish ("narcissistic fetish").

Autogynephilic transsexuals start off as heterosexuals and end up as either bisexual or homosexual. By shifting his/her attentions to men, the male autogynephilic transsexual "proves" to himself that he has finally become a "true" and desirable woman.

Quote taken from Homosexual and Transsexual Narcissists Frequently Asked Questions # 18

Homophobic

There is, however, one element, which might be unique to homosexuals: the fact that their self-definition hinges on their sexual identity. I know of no heterosexual who would use his sexual preferences to define himself almost fully. Homosexuality has been inflated to the level of a sub-culture, a separate psychology, or a myth. This is typical of persecuted minorities. However, it does have an influence on the individual. Preoccupation with body and sex makes most homosexual narcissists SOMATIC narcissists.

Moreover, the homosexual makes love to a person of the SAME sex – in a way, to his REFLECTION. In this respect, homosexual relations are highly narcissistic and autoerotic affairs.

Quote taken from Homosexual and Transsexual Narcissists Frequently Asked Questions # 18

Islamaphobic  

Militant Islam is, therefore, not a cancerous mutation of “true” Islam. On the contrary, it is the purest expression of its nature as an imperialistic religion which demands unmitigated obedience from its followers and regards all infidels as both inferior and avowed enemies. Islam is a young religion. At a similar phase in the development of their respective religions, both Jews and Christians behaved the way Muslims do today: paranoid, hostile, murderous, suicidal, fatalistic, apocalyptic, and nihilistic. Death cults arose in all these three monotheistic faiths.

Quote taken from Islam and Liberalism: Total Ideologies

A Rape Apologist 

Nonconsensual sex is a crime and should always be punished harshly.

But falsely promising sex by word or by abundance of unequivocal actions should be equally criminalized as a form of fraudulent misconduct.

Men should be able to recover costs and damages from these "playful" counterparties, including for distress and hurt feelings.

Promises - made verbally or behaviorally - are binding and should be kept: look up promissory estoppel and breach of promise (mainly in marriage). Leading on and misrepresentation should be a crime not only in business and should have adverse actionable and tort or public reputation consequences and not only in politics.

Quote taken from Sex or Gender By Dr. Sam Vaknin

Etc

This fucker has said so much hateful shit i can’t include it all but I do say poke around his website and truly see how bad this dude is.

Narcissistic abuse as a concept should not be followed as a way to deal with abuse. It’s tied deeply into the beliefs of a truly disgusting man and teaches to dehumanise other people.

This man has dehumanised everyone to the point he thinks all women are narcissists for sleeping around instead of settling into a relationship with a man. 

Also they should be punished if they lead men on.

The terms you want are emotional, physicial, finacial and sexual abuse. 

I’ve read at least one source saying people using narcissistic abuse instead of domestic violence makes it harder for victims to get help since it is a meaningless term. 

I am fucking angry at the damage this man has caused victims and survivors of domestic violence and abuse. And at the psych professionals who picked up narcissistic abuse and spread it around. It’s fucking irresponsible and dangerous and they should be ashamed. 

My final words are don’t make monsters out of your abusers. They are reprehensible scum and you never had to forgive them but they are humans just like you and me. But dehumanisation leads down a slippery slope of acceptable targets and collateral damage. Which leads to human rights violations and more abuse. 

[sam-t-a]

Okay. 

*Deep breath* 

I think I’m finally calm enough to put into words exactly why I hated the finale and why I wasn’t completely surprised that I hated it. 

(Heads-up: this is really long and pretty negative. If you disagree, I would of course appreciate your point of view and love to hear it, but just thought I’d let you know in case this is the kind of post you would like to avoid.)

To me, it felt like every character on the show got betrayed in some way or another, but the main ones are Han Seo (devastatingly), Chayoung (obviously) and Han Seok (bear with me). 

Cha Young: 

She started out as a solid FL who annoyed some people for sure, but who had so much promise as someone unconventional and bold. The way her mother’s death affected her and caused a clear shift in her personality was a super interesting plot point that really never got explored. We have no idea how she came to sacrifice her morality in joining Wusang, just that she wanted to spite her father, which is a very superficial exploration. She gets cute idiosyncrasies in lieu of an actual character and an actual character arc. 

We also, halfway through the show, seem to forget that her father's death was the initial trigger. Cha young does not suggest bold ideas or intricate plans, she doesn’t fill the gaps Vincenzo is incapable of filling (because that would require that Vincenzo have flaws, and that’s not something the writers can abide), and she’s literally victimized in episode 19 and bedridden in episode 20, and that is IT. 

Someone who started out supposedly as Vincenzo’s equal just became another piece in his chess set, no matter how important a piece she may be. 

So her role as a badass avenger is trashed. That leaves her role as a love interest. Now, as Vincenzo’s love interest, she was supposed to get kidnapped in like episode 5 or 6 at the most if the villain has any brains whatsoever (Han Seok may or may not, more on that later). We need a reason for that not to happen too early. Cue villain is somehow in love with her for all of 15 minutes or so throughout a 20-episode series because a love triangle is inconceivable with the show’s current structure and for its purposes. 

So, she spends 15 or so episodes making the first move on Vincenzo, every time, putting herself out there, creating cute moments, getting nothing in return, and then he leaves. No confession, nothing much, he wasn’t even going to say goodbye or give her the choice of coming with him. 

I’m sure more chayenzo-oriented fans have already expressed all the necessary outrage over this, so I’ll move on to the part that I’ve personally been way more emotionally invested in from the get go: the Jang brothers. 

Han Seo: 

I was among the minority that  hated the “Vinny hyung” angle from the get-go and I’ve ranted about it in another post, so I won’t get into it here in-depth, but basically it was because I felt like Vincenzo hadn’t earned it, so to have the last words Han Seo hears be “You deserve to be my brother” or whatever the fuck he was on about PISSED ME OFF. It’s VINCENZO who doesn’t deserve to be Han Seo’s brother and hasn’t done a single thing to earn it. He was a good ally. The situation he allowed Han Seo to be a part of was beneficial to him, but Han Seo’s attachment to him was neither healthy nor heartwarming, and it certainly wasn’t returned on the level he offered it.

Vincenzo’s disregard of his death didn’t strike me as odd because I never saw enough indications that this was a two-way street and Han Seo’s safety and well-being came second so often that I didn’t get the impression Vincenzo was doing much to keep him alive. This is what I meant when I said the show was glorifying a torture survivor’s trauma responses. Han Seo himself, as a torture survivor, meant nothing to them. He was just there to create one more contrived comparison between Vincenzo and Han Seok. Instead of recovering from the trauma, it’s simply employed to someone else’s favor. He doesn’t go to prison for Han Seok, he takes a bullet for Vincenzo, and we’re supposed to see that as so much better.

All of that might (JUST MIGHT) not have ruined the show for me if he’d died better. 1) It was narratively pointless and totally avoidable, 2) they could’ve framed it as heroic, but instead Han Seok’s hand patting his head is pushing it down, so he can’t even get shot with his chin up and his back straight, Taec’s already taller, so the angle’s fucked and the whole cinematography screamed “kicking an injured puppy” and most certainly NOT “survivor finally stands up to his abuser”. The final nail in the proverbial and literal coffin is that he is mourned by no one. They’re FLIRTING not 3 MINUTES LATER, it felt so tone deaf and left such a bad taste. As I said, I didn’t expect significant mourning from Vincenzo (gotta say, I didn’t expect no mourning, that was a shocker), and Cha young and the tenants had no real interactions with him and no reason to mourn him, which left only one person who could. 

Which brings me to Han Seok. 

Han Seok started out as a solid villain, clear goals, clear skills that help him achieve his goals and basically make him a villain worth defeating, and a very complex relationship with both his own psychopathy and his brother. 

Let me get it out of the way: I do not believe Han Seok is capable of killing Han Seo because he had every reason and every opportunity to do so in previous episodes and couldn’t do it (I say couldn’t because a certain degree of reluctance is in itself inability). Han Seo’s danger far outweighed his material value the minute he shot Han Seok and then completely lost any value once he came out to the world as the chairman and it became clear that the prosecution would be going after him if anything happened, and not his brother. But time and again, he’s proven he’s all bark and no bite when it comes to Han Seo (killing-wise, specifically). 

The scene where he asks him to beat Vincenzo to death could be interpreted as him wanting to give Vincenzo the “painful death” he would have given him, but honestly, I think he was way past that point. He just wanted him dead in the “You crazy? we have to kill him before he kills us” sense. To that end, killing off a key ally of Vincenzo��s, who betrayed you and almost got you killed a bunch of times, should take priority, but Han Seok’s priority is reclaiming Han Seo by forcing him back onto his side. Now, much like his “love for Cha young”, Han Seok’s keenness on not killing his brother was essential to the writers so that Han Seo can justifiably make it this far and still be useful to Vincenzo (he can’t help if Han Seok completely excludes him from all events, plans and management processes, so Han Seok needs to want to keep him on his side enough not to do that even when it’s more prudent). 

All of this isn’t to say it’s unbelievable that he would kill Han Seo, but it’s DEFINITELY unbelievable that he would stay the same man after killing him. Someone here (I’m sorry, I don’t rememebr who) once said that Han Seo had become, over time, far more of a foil to his brother than Vincenzo was. To me, this means that Post-Han Seo Han Seok would be out of balance (tilted screen), unhinged in a way he never was before. The Han Seok we see shrugs and “oh, well”-s and moves on in a flash, not really any different from the villain he was four minutes and a whole brother earlier. 

This is very consistent with the way the show has been de-humanizing him from the start. I’m not saying this to defend Han Seok in any way, he’s a serial killer, an abuser and a total maniac. But you can be all those things and still a human being. In fact, you can ONLY be those things if you’re a human being. The show used its villain vs villain idea to justify a lot, but in the end, Vincenzo had to be a protagonist. He had to follow up every “I’m a villain” with a contrived “but at least I’m not (insert something worse)”. 

On the level of humans:

1) Vincenzo is supposedly different because he doesn’t hurt children or women (unless the women deserve it, and shooting a parent in front of their kid doesn’t count as hurting.) 

But we never see Han Seok hurting women or children either. In fact, if we proceed with the “chayoung is the myung hee of the good guys” comparison, he hasn’t hurt any women nearly as badly as Vincenzo did. 

2) Babel vs Mafia 

Babel’s corruption is compared a lot to the mafia, with Vincenzo commenting repeatedly that the people are WORSE than the mafia...which is bullshit. Babel is a set of companies that provide goods and services, but use illegal means to maximize their profit, so they hurt/kill people in the process because they want more money and care about money more than ethics. The Mafia is an inherently criminal organization that functions PURELY on the basis of its criminality. Every single dime Vincenzo spends is blood money. None of it is clean. And while we’re on the topic, I find the whole “taking Miri under his wing” thing pretty unreasonable too because he tried to have her killed you guys, I cannot believe we’re just glossing over that. He had everyone who worked on that vault killed, just random fucking construction workers. And he’s not sorry. And the show tells you he shouldn’t be. 

3) Repentance

Han Seok says outright he won’t atone, and while Vincenzo says no such thing out loud he just...doesn’t repent, I guess. He keeps the blood money, he goes back to being a full-time mafia dude doing mafia things. He leaves the same man he arrived. 

So, if on the level of harm inflicted upon humanity, Vincenzo and Han Seok are pretty much equal (and Vincenzo might actually be worse), then why should we root for Vincenzo? 

Well, my friend, that’s where the dehumanization comes in! 

I was initially very excited to see their portrayal of a psychopath because of the very interesting ways in which the informal moral code and official justice system surrounding a psychopath/sociopath/narcissist affect their behavior and their chances of not turning out rotten, and the show looked like it was looking at corruption in general. 

But as the show went on, the villain vs villain thing proved not to be enough, Vincenzo has to be better in some way (or if you’re as obsessed with him as the writers are, then ALL ways), so it became a villain vs monster narrative. Vincenzo isn’t ethical or fair or in any way interested in having a remotely positive impact on society, but at least he’s A HUMAN BEING unlike SOMEBODY. So, the characterization goes to shit, Han Seok becomes a cartoon card-board cut out of a villain and emphasis is put on how pointless his violence is, as opposed to how purposeful Vincenzo’s is. 

This is dangerous on multiple levels (and I promise this is the last point I’m making). 

1) For people in general, dehumanizing abusers/murderers/etc. makes us very liable to forget that you don’t have to be “a monster” to cause harm, and it makes people complacent in their belief that they are “not bad people” since they aren’t total monsters. The Banality of Evil is a thing, and in this series, it goes completely ignored. No one is inherently incapable of good or inherently undeserving of humanity. 

2) For victims of abuse in specific, it’s dangerous to portray abusers (including serial killer and non-serial killer ones) as entirely bad and unlovable, because it poses the dual risk of making victims less likely to acknowledge their abuse if it comes from someone who cares about or loves them on some level because the idea that someone cannot both love and hurt you is so stereotypical. Your abuser can genuinely want you in their lives and need you and, on some level, love you, and IT DOESN’T MATTER if that love doesn’t stop them from hurting you. 

On the other hand, portraying the victims of abuse as capable of flipping an off switch and hating the abuser with no hesitation or second thoughts to the point of unapologetically and cheerfully helping someone kill them and having no mixed feelings about it sends the message that if you CAN’T do that, then are you really abused? Are sure you’re not complicit in your own abuse? Do you even want to get rid of them? 

So this is basically why the way the show ended was so painfully disappointing for me. And the main reason it hit so hard was that it was initially so good and had so much promise. I really expected more.

[music-saves-everyone]

RIDICULOUS. INTERESTING!? MORE AMUSING THAN MANGO'S! A JOURNEY:

Okay I’m supposed to be doing homework right now that is due at midnight. I have like six assignments and one of them is a lab. But I literally cannot focus until I get some things off of my chest. This is about to be the word vomit of the century and I’m sharing this here because my fucked up manic brain needs to know that there is SOME sort of audience even if I know that realistically no one will really read this or truly care. Honestly, that is the BEST part of shit posting though, is the fact that no one really cares. I just have nowhere to post something of THIS magnitude. 

Over the last two years(damn near to the day), I have been on a path of enlightenment. In doing this, I chose to make everyday a new learning experience so that I can better myself as a person. Recently, I have been reaping the benefits of my hard work and started taking time to smell the sun flowers. Cliche? Yes. Necessary? Absolutely. But, of course, this all starts to come into fruition during a mother fucking global crisis. Now, I know what you’re thinking, that is the single most selfish, narcissistic, negative ass thing anyone could possibly say during a GLOBAL PANDEMIC. 

And I, for one, would agree. 

That’s the thing I struggle with the most when it comes to my brain and it’s chemical imbalances. It’s like there’s a depressed devil and an anxious angel on my shoulders and I, for one, can’t stand either of them. Some days I still don’t think I have them under control. I know my roommate absolutely despises them, as she should. I can’t help but think my significant other fears them. 

I was reading a blog online the other night, and I came across this idea to “give your mental illness a sort of ‘evil villain movie role’ to help maintain it”. I think my analogy fits well.

Part of this writing is for me to let the devil and the angel talk for a little without me feeling bad. 

I’m terrified of how this will affect my current path to a communication degree, how it will affect the amazing job I just recently became comfortable in, my dream career of being a musician, and most importantly how this is going to affect my personal relationships. 

It has already affected where my roommate and I will be living and it has started to take a toll on my significant other. 

I can’t focus in online school, and working from my living room makes me want to pull my hair out. 

My family just assumes that now that I’m working from home I can just drive an hour across town to hang out with them. 

I don’t know when I will ever stand in the crowd of a concert again. 

FUCK.

And that is all okay. Things could be worse. My life could be way worse. I could have a job that makes me work with the general public. I could have caught and maybe passed away from COVID19. My problems are so superficial and I am thankful for that. And I know that if it wasn’t this bullshit, it would be something else. The universe demands balance and every day, even the days that you stop to smell the flowers, are still days that teach you something new. 

It’s time to get back to work and continue recognizing my achievements and privileges. 

[rivetgoth]

Everyone wants to share their Repo! headcanons lately WELL here’s some of my Pavi headcanons since he’s my husband sooooo

Pavi has always sought affection and closeness as a way to cope with, uh, fucking everything wrong with him, just the feeling of being cared about is something he craves so much, and although he’s primarily sought sex as a way to pacify that craving there was a time in his late teens/early 20s where he actually attempted to get married..... maybe even genuinely tried to “marry for love” and, well, it ended disastrously every time as you can imagine, and the spouses ALWAYS managed to “disappear” under “mysterious circumstances” after some time. Eventually Pavi came to the conclusion that marriage is limiting and restrictive and actually EVERYONE should just ALWAYS be available to ANYONE!!!!!!!, but don’t ask him about those past marriages because he does not want to talk about it.

I’ve said this one before but Pavi looooves industrial music.... he’s visibly covered in industrial tattoos so it’s canon! Similar to how people now sometimes can be pretentious about their love of classical music because it’s like, old and vintage and in some ways considered to have more depth than modern music or whatever, Pavi is all pretentious about loving industrial music and sees it as a cool retro vintage thing and will tell you about how complex it is, but like with most things in his life his love for it is pretty superficial. He loves Revolting Cocks (he has a RevCo tattoo!) cuz they have fun stupid songs about sex and shit. He loves Skinny Puppy (which he also has tattoos of) because being the absolute narcissist he is, he really wants to fuck Nivek Ogre.

Pavi’s insecurities really show in the way he SMELLS cuz he wears an absolutely obscene amount of overpowering cologne at all times. He’s really, really, really worried about smelling bad, especially now that he’s taken to wearing dead skin stapled to his face, but ironically the overbearing intensity of his cologne is so much that it just has a reverse effect and makes him even harder to be around. 

(That being said, I always thought that if Pavi was an animal he’d be a skunk, because skunk fur is seen as extremely luxurious and glamorous, but of course the downside of skunks is their fucking smell, which I think is a funny way of interpreting Pavi being this high class fancy spoiled rich boy but also being a fucking freak.)

On the topic of animals, Pavi is not a dog person, or a cat person, or an animal person at all. He doesn’t have the capability to care about a little living creature entirely dependent on him that does nothing for him in return. He’s simply too lazy and too finicky about things. Animals smell and destroy things and leave fur and drool and it’s horrendous to him... As a kid he wanted a puppy though, and there’s a part of him that’s still very much a child and still kind of wants a puppy, but he can suppress that pretty easily be reminding himself HOW much fur it would leave and how it would probably jump up on him and ruin his nice clothes and jump up on his furniture and his bed and ruin all his nice things and chew up his pillows and scarves and be noisy and need so much damn attention... At best he might have some little designer pet, like a really overbred yappy little teacup thing that would be 99.999% taken care of by some poor Genterns that Pavi would pay attention to for 2 seconds a year for a cutesy photoshoot and then forget about again.

Pavi thinks Repo Men are SEXY!!!!!!! and actually may have even considered BEING a Repo Man at some point cuz it seems so sexy and fun, but the thing is you have to have, like, a medical background, to be able to actually... get the organs returned safely, otherwise there’s no point, and Pavi absolutely did not give enough of a shit to get through medical school and it was so dreadfully boring that he decided that instead of being a Repo Man he’d much rather just fuck them anyway.

Pavi actually really looks up to Luigi. When I saw Ogre in ‘17 he said that Pavi loves Luigi even though Luigi is awful to him. I think Pavi thinks Luigi is cool and smart and tough and like, basically everything he isn’t. I always thought that part of why Pavi kind of plays up how much he wants to inherit GeneCo in order to try to like, compete with Luigi because he looks up to him so much and it’s kind of cute actually, like he’s trying to emulate his big brother, but because they’re stupid evil idiots it comes off... less cute. With Amber he actually also envies her a lot (Ogre has also talked about that!) and wants to be her in a lot of ways. I think Amber knows this and is really really good at manipulating Pavi because she’s absolutely light-years smarter than him.

In general, realistically Pavi really has no reason to want GeneCo, it’s really much more work than he’d care to ever have on his shoulders. When Luigi talks about wanting to run Geneco Pavi just retorts with quips about how loved he is. I think Pavi is more interested in feeling loved than actually running the company. I don’t think Pavi gives a shit about being in charge of anything that would require even minimal effort. He just kind of wants to feel like he’s cared about, by everyone around him but specifically his dad, who is definitely the source of a good 99% of his issues.

Also I have this really long headcanon about Pavi and Nathan you can look at here. It’s angsty! >w<

Also not a headcanon but I have Pavi’s old MySpace article saved via archive on this blog if you wanna see some fun bullshit information like his kinks, his being bisexual, and his “heroes” consisting of Freddie Mercury, Keanus Reeves, and Vanity Smurf. ;D

[empress-of-avalon]

Lost my shit on FB Thoughts?

This is what I posted, family was not happy.

Ok, listen up SHEEPLE. I know everyone wants to jump on the let's get rid of the guns bandwagon after things like El Paso and Dayton happen but allow me to enlighten you, THIS IS A GODDAMN DISTRACTION!!! People have been trying to ban guns for years and every time something like this happens, gun control is where the media wants everyone to look but this, like so many other times, is you watching the right-hand wave as the left-hand punches your grandma in the face. They don't want you looking at anything else. For example, like how the shooter in El Paso wanted to kill as many Mexicans as possible and was a huge Trump supporter. How about the fact that Trump's favorite news station Fox has now stopped reporting the facts of what is going on in El Paso and is laser-focused on anything else. Or how Fox News main YouTube page has several main posted videos bashing the Obamas and Democrats, a bunch kissing Trump's ass, none on the shooting in Dayton and an outdated video of the mayor of El Paso just after the shooting with no information at that point. Not enough? Ok, how about the fact that since 2017 hate crimes specifically geared toward race or ethnicity have gone up over 18% and those numbers were just a reflection of the first year of that mans presidency not to mention what is going on at the border on a daily basis. Let us not forget Donald Trumps personal Fourth Reich ICE as they keep herding immigrants into cells like animals at the zoo, ripping children from their families and locking kids up in concentration camp-like conditions while we just sit back and bitch about whatever superficial, narcissistic bullshit that is going on in Hollywood at the time. The real kicker is it is not just illegal immigrants but United States citizens of Latin descent that are getting toted off as well. Don't believe it lookup Francisco Galicia, the 18 year old Texas-born native that ICE kept in custody for almost a month and then like freaking magic when the story broke about this was released within 24 hours citing a bureaucratic mixup, I CALL BULLSHIT. Need another how about Julia Isabel Amparo Medina the 9-year-old girl detained for more than 30 hours by CBP while on her way to school one morning because they didn't believe her US passport and to add insult to injury forced her 14-year-old brother into signing a document stating she was actually her cousin. What the ever-loving hell is wrong with this country. This use to be a safe haven; a country to be proud of. Our symbol stood tall on Liberty Island in New York harbor and with silent lips cried, "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" she stood for freedom and hope in a world gone mad but what is she now? Is she a joke? Is she to become some slowly forgotten relic of a bygone era that so many seem to forget today? How many of you out there sitting on your high pedestal, with your holier than thou views had past generations of your family come through Ellis Island looking for hope and freedom from their oppressors? How many of you Trump-loving assholes have had family here since before Plymouth rock because if you can't boast that then you have no right to say who should and shouldn't be allowed to call America home because you're an immigrant too. So get off your racist, bigoted, ignorant high horse and wake up because if we don't stand up for those who have no voice then we are no better than the ones taking away their lives and if you are ok with that you are part of the problem and America doesn't need YOU.

[abusoemocionalmendoza]

Will my BPD ex be different with the next guy?

 Am I giving up too soon? If I try a little more, maybe things can go back to the way they were? Will the next guy get all the love, sex and the nice version of her I could have again if I just hang in a little longer and love her harder?

In a word, no.

Instead of asking, “Will my BPD ex be different with the next guy?” let’s ask a better question. “Will my BPD ex love bomb the next guy or gal?”

Of course, they will. That’s how they operate. Idealize, devalue, discard (boomerang, Hoover, discard). Sure, she or he will make some superficial changes to their false self during the love bombing stage with the next victim. However, there won’t be any meaningful changes. Specifically, changes that make it possible to have a healthy relationship that isn’t characterized by conflict, manipulation and abuse.

In other words, the window dressing may change, but it’ll be the same shitshow behind the blinds you’ve already had the misfortune to experience.

For example, she’s suddenly posting Instagram pics of venison dishes because the next guy is into game hunting. During your relationship, she was a vegan and raged whenever you indulged in an occasional cheeseburger. Another example, now that she’s with the next gal, she’s the life of the party. She and the new supply are all over social media at restaurants, clubs, etc. When you were together, you had to beg her to go out with you.

Rest assured, once the devaluation stage begins with the next guy whatever it is she’s been pretending to be will also come to an end. Just like it did with you. And that will be the fault of the next guy’s fault. Just like you were blamed for your BPD ex’s extreme “personality change.”

Do borderlines, narcissists and histrionics change in the ways that matter?

Like developing integrity, a conscience and empathy? Becoming emotionally and psychologically stable and mature? Do they become accountable adults who take ownership of their choices and behavior? You know, the qualities that make it possible to have a healthy, loving relationship?

In a word, no.

Again, any changes the BPD/NPD/HPD ex makes in their next relationship are cosmetic tweaks. They’re superficial adjustments to their love bombing tactics, not positive personal emotional and psychological growth. The changes are target specific. When a borderline, narcissist or histrionic love bombs you, they mirror you. Ergo, when they love bomb someone else, they mirror the next guy’s identity, hobbies and values. Hence, the “changes.”

Furthermore, the borderline or narcissist’s personality doesn’t change. Rather, they reveal who they are as the love bombing ends. They may change tactics in terms of how they manipulate and abuse, or give themselves a public image makeover. However, who they are doesn’t fundamentally change. Thus, their true personality is revealed (not changed) once the love bombing stage ends. See the difference?

The love bombing or

idealization

stage has an expiration date.

Typically, relationships with borderlines, narcissists and histrionics are like a meal in reverse. It begins with an all you can eat dessert buffet, followed by a perfectly grilled steak. Then, it ends in the devaluation slaughterhouse where you receive the proverbial bolt to the head and are harvested for parts. Basically, you get all the so-called “good stuff” at the whirlwind beginning of the relationship.

And you get the good stuff for relatively little effort. It’s like “magic!” It’s instant connection, instant intimacy, instant trust, instant love — and instant bullshit. Then you’re hooked. Once you’re psychologically dependent on the BPD/NPD/HPD to feel good about yourself, you pay and pay until you’ve nothing left to give. Then you’re discarded, or kept on standby in case the NPD/BPD needs your for something. In healthy relationships, trust, intimacy, emotional attunement, etc., are established over time. Not a 36-hour first date.

Again, the love bombing expires after you develop a strong enough attachment to the BPD/NPD/HPD  and/or bind yourself to them in a way it’s difficult to undo (e.g., marriage, kids). This is one of the reasons it can be so painful to end the relationship once the borderline or narcissist’s mask falls away and the abuse begins in earnest.

Frequently, the devaluation stage begins with gradual boundary tests. For example, a “bad day tantrum” here, and a “your friends are more important than me” silent treatment there. In other words, they test your boundaries in terms of how much abuse you’ll tolerate. In reality, you already flunked the first round of boundary tests during the love bombing phase.

Love bombing is a boundary test. As in do you have any boundaries? For example, did you:

Listen to all their victim stories on the first date, or first few weeks?

Take on a protector, hero, rescuer and/or fixer role?

Begin fighting their grudges and grievances for them? Blindly siding with them against the people their “enemies list” (they all have one!)?

Provide them financial assistance soon after meeting?

Allow and respond physical touch within minutes of meeting them (i.e., putting a hand on your arm or leg, pressing close against you when there are other seating options, etc.)?

Jump into bed right away?

Provide them housing after knowing them a short time?

Meet their kids within a few days or weeks?

Take vacations together shortly after meeting?

Your susceptibility to being love bombed is the first boundary test. Healthy non-codependent people don’t eagerly lap up love bombing like a thirsty animal at a watering hole in the Sahara. To healthier adults, love bombing feels inauthentic and too much too soon.

Once the borderline or narcissist determines (consciously or unconsciously) that you don’t have any boundaries (or, flimsy negotiable ones) the roller coaster car leaves the station. These individuals can be the most flattering of mirrors. After the emotional dependency on the BPD/NPD is established, the painful boundary tests begin.

For example, will you tolerate tantrums, double standards and other form abuse and not hold the borderline, narcissist or histrionic accountable? If you do, the devaluation stage begins and the second big con job commences. If you won’t tolerate their bad behavior, the relationship ends. Either you end it because you have enough self-respect to walk away. Or, the BPD/NPD/HPD ends it in a blaze of projection, gaslighting and victim playing. Whichever way it occurs, good riddance!

A relationships with a BPD, NPD or HPD is one long con job.

Love bombing is a lie. Yes, I know it felt real, and your feelings were real. Nevertheless, love bombing is a lie. What else do you call it when someone pretends to be someone they’re not in order to manipulate you into trusting, admiring and loving them, so they can then hurt and exploit you?

Con jobs by nut jobs.

The person you thought you fell in love with doesn’t exist. In reality, you fell in love with a pathology-work quilt of:

TV series and film characters the BPD/NPD/HPD mimicks.

Tried and true shtick that worked on their exes.

Emotional intensity confused for emotional intimacy.

The mirror reflection of your qualities, likes, dislikes, values, style, etc.

Salesmanship level flattery of your insecurities and thirst for unconditional love and acceptance that you probably didn’t get in childhood.

The nightmare at the and of the relationship is the same person you met at the beginning of the relationship. You just couldn’t see it. Or, perhaps you ignored some early red flags. The ideal person you believed them to be was a mask. Underneath the mask is the professional victim who will later sneer at you with contempt as they abuse you. And then claim that you abused them.

So, when you’re desperate to return to the beginning of the relationship, you’re actually yearning to return to the lie. Furthermore, if the BPD ex (or NPD ex) hides these qualities and behaviors while seducing you, it shows some degree of awareness. Specifically, that if they reveal the angry destructive toddler on the first date, there likely won’t be many second dates. It’s a con job.

The second con job.

The second con job begins as the love bombing ends. Love bombing can come to a body jarring halt, or occur gradually. Either way, the second big lie is that it’s all your fault. That their disinterest, cruelty and generally shitty behavior is your fault and it’s your job to make everything better.

So, what exactly have you done to turn your adoring “soulmate” into a petulant, angry, emotionally volatile, etc., etc.?

Something you did or didn’t do; something you’re doing too much or not doing enough. You love your family, friends and dog more than you love them. All you care about is work; you don’t work enough so she doesn’t have to work and can focus on her Etsy art. Then, you work too much and don’t have enough time for her, so it’s all your fault she has to cheat on you. You only workout regularly so other women or men will be attracted to you. Yet, they don’t want to have sex with you because you’re not in shape anymore.

You haven’t changed. And it’s not all your fault. The devaluation would occur even if it were possible to be the “perfect” man or woman. For that matter, the BPD/NPD/HPD hasn’t changed either. In fact, you’re beginning to see the first glimpses behind the facade of their false self.

The Mega Mindfuck Con Job.

Interestingly, the qualities the BPD/NPD claim first attracted them to you, are also the reasons they use to devalue you. As such, you need to change everything about yourself and become someone you’re not, so that the BPD/NPD will go back to pretending to be someone they’re not.

Let’s break the mindfuck down:

You’re the most amazing man or woman ever. The best sex ever. The BPD/NPD/HPD never felt this way before. They admire your talents. And love your devotion to your family, friends and work ethic.

The BPD is totally into everything you like and enjoy. Or, if not, expresses extreme enthusiasm to learn about your hobbies, etc.

Inevitably, you disappoint them in some way. The disappointment can be real or imagined. The roller coaster ride has reached its summit and the torturous descent begins.

How can the BPD/NPD be expected to trust you or even be civil to you when you forgot it’s the eighteenth anniversary of their pet goldfish Ivan’s death?! See!!!! You don’t love them enough!

You’re conned into believing the way to demonstrate your love, loyalty and devotion is by tolerating their childish, destructive and abusive behavior. As well as sacrificing other people and things that are important to you.

There is no end to this stage. It only ceases if you end the relationship or the BPD/NPD ends the relationship. If the BPD/NPD ends the relationship, many clients discover that the BPD/NPD/HPD already has the next guy  waiting in the wings — or a motel room, new apartment, etc. I believe the kids today call this monkey branching.

True personality change is difficult and rare. We can change bad habits, break unhealthy patterns and learn more adaptive ways of relating to others. However, these changes aren’t possible without taking responsibility for our choices and recognizing the need for change. By their very nature, personality disordered individuals are incapable of this. Even when some infrequently acknowledge wrongdoing, they blame others, play victim and demand love and support despite their ongoing abuse.

Yes, but will my BPD ex be different with the next guy?

Yes and no. The love bomb persona they adopt may differ, but it mask the same clusterfuck of character pathology. Your fear of missing out on love is likely an indicator of your own unresolved childhood issues. In my practice, I see this as evidence of a wounded child who’s still desperate for the love of a rejecting, abusive parent.

Kids who feel unloved by mom and dad believe it’s their fault. As such, they have to believe if they can be better/do better, they’ll be able to get their parents love. Isn’t the fear an abusive NPD/BPD/HPD ex will somehow miraculously change into a loving decent human being the same kind of magical thinking a wounded unloved child engages in? If this applies to you, you can’t heal those childhood wounds by incurring more abuse from the BPD/NPD ex.

You heal by protecting your wounded child self from people who’ll continue to lie and hurt you because you matter. You’re no more at fault for an abusive BPD/NPD ex’s behavior than you were as a child for an abusive BPD/NPD parent’s behavior. Furthermore, you’re also no more responsible for or capable of fixing an abusive BPD/NPD ex than you were responsible for or capable of fixing an abusive BPD/NPD parent.

So yes, the next guy or gal will be love bombed like you were. But it will also turn into a painful mindfuck for the next guy or gal just like it did for you. Instead of feeling jealous and a fear of missing out, wish the next guy good luck and the BPD/NPD ex good riddance!

[kaimuki]

I’ve attended a handful of seminars for bystander training. None of which were particularly in-depth, they were seminars that were part of survey courses in diversity and moderation training. 

My opinions on stuff with multiple trigger warnings.

There’s a saying that gets made fun of a little bit and has become a part of popular culture. It goes, “If you see something, say something.” While this phrase seems quite simple (and it is certainly very catchy), taking action in a problematic situation can be complicated by multiple factors. The internet, the threat of violence, the threat against security or consistency, the threat of the loss of rights --all these things complicate altruistic actions. (Sound a bit like Dead by Daylight? That’s because most (if not every) decision is game theory. Also, this is a reason why I don’t blame anyone for being scared, or “weak”, or ignorant.)

It is hard to help other people, when one is scared. Fear is one of the strongest instinctual drivers of action or inaction (along with sex). It’s why things like terrorism -seemingly random acts of violence intended to induce terror and fear in a group of people -work so well. 

Up in the bathroom stalls of every bathroom on campus, there are posters about sexual assault, domestic violence, rape, sex-based discrimination, stalking, depression, mental health, and sexual health. I’ve probably read every single poster in the series, given my years on campus. The information is out there. I swear there is some kind of mental and spiritual mind-opening connection that happens when people take shits.

The point is, and this is something I’ve learned from p0tbarbie, is that people usually know when they are doing something very shitty (heh, you like that pun). People usually know when they’re doing something fucked up and wrong. Usually things that are fucked up are also stupid, as in incurring losses for all parties. There is no correlation between stupidity and not knowing you are doing something stupid. If you believe this, you believe that people are accountable for their actions; people are responsible for the things that they do to themselves, other people, the environment, and should rightfully accept their agreed upon consequences.

So when people talk to me, I consider first the idea that they are just saying bullshit to shoot the breeze, and I give them the benefit of the doubt. After a while, you realize who’s talking and whether they typically have an underlying agenda. At that point, the perspective of the conversation shifts. 

I tend to not attract trolls because of how superficially boring I am, something I have learned to greatly appreciate as I approach adult life. (Side note, I think most people under 30 are babies and should be treated as such -they should be treated with kindness and taught with positivity and patience.) All that being said, I somehow seem to encounter intimately a lot of narcissists or those with narcissistic behaviors or tendencies, and I also never fail to upset them in some way without trying. (Though, that might apply to everyone, and I am disagreeable in general. Who really knows?) Also grossly underestimated is how many people I have gotten to know in my relatively short life so far. The point of me explaining this is that I have a lot of anecdotal evidence of certain behaviors and classifications that are validated through science and critical observation.

tl;dr so far, I’ve seen some narcissism and sexual predation that my formal studies have confirmed. It is in my opinion that these behaviors should be taken extremely seriously and not dismissed as carelessness. When it comes to observing these behaviors taking place, it’s not so simple to just step in. Action taken is careful and conservative. 

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

A Farewell to Tossers (Or ‘Trump is Out: Hooray!’)

TRIGGER WARNING: COVID; Discussion of Racism; ‘It’s the Great Rape Satsuma, Charlie Brown!’

Well then. Trump is no longer President Elect of the United States and the world breathes a sigh of relief. At last, we can all stop worrying that the increasingly unstable leader of the free world is going to blow us all up with nukes because he mistook the big red thermonuclear button for the ‘send’ button on fucking Twitter! It actually feels nice to go back to worrying about more nebulous threats that don’t come with a fuck-ugly face and a dubious web presence attached. This being space-year 2020, we still have to cower in fear of COVID, the collapse of the global economy and a slow, choking death courtesy of a climate and planetary ecology that are frankly sick of our bullshit, but it’s still good to celebrate the fact that there’s one less dangerous, narcissistic prick with serious political power. The last four years have felt like a deeply disturbing docudrama answering the question ‘What if the Annoying Orange Ever Got its Hands on Real Power’, but the nightmare is over now. Well, I say ‘Annoying Orange’. He’s really more of a Rapey Satsuma, but let’s not split hairs of semantics. The tosser’s on his way out and that’s a cause for delight.

Now, obviously, this blog is somewhat overdue. Sorry, humans, but I just haven’t had the time to compose snarky think-pieces on major news items in real time. I’ve been busy being in love with- and making love to- an amazing woman (who’s also my sometime glamorous assistant over on my Youtube channel where I post magic vids), writing four novels, playing through the recent rash of Crash Bandicoot games and trying weed for the first, last and only time in my life (the only effect it had on me was to make me crave Mars Bars, which happens to me on a semi-regular basis anyway). However, don’t mistake my taciturnity for ambiguity! I am overjoyed that America has finally gotten rid of the psychotic Cheesy Whatsit who spent not quite half a decade shitting on the poor and disenfranchised while stumbling disastrously around the international stage like a very stupid, ill-tempered bear that’s suddenly found itself in the middle of a production of The Importance of Being Earnest. Like most of my American readers and probably every sane, right-thinking person outside America, I greeted the news that he was on his way out with a fist-pump and a little dance of happiness. I might have twerked. I can neither confirm nor deny twerking.

But what lessons can we learn from this election and the fact that Trump clawed his way into power in the first place? Surely the last four years weren’t just the result of one nation’s collective brain-fart and their abrupt end nothing more than a spontaneous return to sanity? Well, no. The main reason Trump managed to grab hold of power was because he pretended to care about the American working classes. He didn’t, obviously: as soon as he got into power, he started taking away the social securities on which many of the poorest depend and dismantling their access to healthcare, because he’s a megalomaniacal rich dickhead. But he pretended to care well enough to convince an enormous quantity of people who felt alienated and disenfranchised by modern politics and- in particular- by a version of liberalism that seemed entirely focused on city-dwelling, self-consciously woke hipsters and regarded everyone else as a joke. A large part of the reason Joe Biden was able to wrest power back from the tantrum-throwing saveloy wanker was because he bothered to go out to the most impoverished parts of his country and remind that them that yes, the Democratic party did know they existed and did give a shit. Admittedly, he wasn’t the best candidate for working class voters- that would have been Bernie Sanders- but he was the best guy to get the message across in a way that wouldn’t seem patronising. So, Lesson One: ignore the gargantuan body of unskilled and menial labourers who power your country’s economy only at your own peril.

The second, related lesson should probably be something along the lines of ‘maybe prioritise rigorous analytical thinking as part of your country’s education strategy from a young age’. Seriously, it might seem obvious to you or I that Trump is a dangerous bullshit artist, but he hoodwinked a lot of people. And no, they’re not just naturally, randomly stupid. Okay, some of them are- nature bestows a fresh bounty of total fucking clods on the human race with every new generation, after all. But the point is that natural idiocy doesn’t adequately explain why so many people voted for a twat who clearly didn’t have their best interests at heart. The ability to recognise predatory charlatans is a subset of the ability to think critically about information with which you’re presented. Both the US and the UK education systems fail spectacularly to give people the mental tools they need to do this early on, with a heavier emphasis on learning rote facts and formulas which- while useful- only help to build crystallised intelligence not vital fluid intelligence (one is just stats and dry information, the other is the skills you need to navigate modern civilisation). Because fluid intelligence becomes harder and harder to acquire as one gets older, teaching people critical thinking skills early on is really important. Neither the UK nor US education systems really start to seriously teach it until pupils are almost adolescent, meaning that by the time they get to adulthood, they just don’t have the ability to peer through the miasma of obfuscating horseshit that surrounds most political candidates and accurately assess who is going to fuck them in the gall-bladder least. Biden was able to win this time round partly because he was really good at putting his message in a non-obfuscating way that helped to mobilise people regardless of their level of critical thinking. That’s great for him, and anything that helped oust Trump is a good thing, but it doesn’t address the underlying problem. The underlying problem, of course, is that, so long as education doesn’t take analytical skills seriously, the political system will always favour candidates with big, simple messages over more nuanced politicians with complex and ambiguous views, regardless of who the most qualified person is.

If Lessons One and Two were about understanding why people voted for Trump four years ago and why the didn’t this time, Lesson Three is our big ‘fuck humans’ moment, because one thing the election of Trump made is clear is that racism is alive and well in modern America. Yes, many of his voters were hoodwinked. Yes, many of them were legitimately alienated. But a significant percentage of them were also just xenophobic, racist arseholes who voted for him because they thought he’d get rid of some Mexicans for them. It’s tragic that these attitudes still persist in the modern world, but they do. Worse still, I’m not sure how you could easily address it. Fear and hatred of difference- even if it’s a superficial difference like skin colour or accent- seems to be hardwired into some people. While we can work to build a world where these attitudes aren’t acceptable, so long as we humans think of ourselves as belonging to different nations and groups, it’s almost impossible to extinguish them entirely. We’re just not at the point we need to be at: the point where we think of ourselves as a species with common goals and needs, not a disparate collection of tribes and interest groups. Trump and his election to power were symptomatic of this problem. His recent de-election might help alleviate it for awhile. However, only time and repeated, positive mutual interaction between different groups of people (on both the global and individual level) can ever cure the disease itself. And that shit’s going to take time. There’s years of genocide and exploitation and war and rivalry and mistrust to make up for and, frankly, it’s still going on, which just makes it harder to drag the human race in the right direction.

Fuck, that got deep. This was meant to be a funny, celebratory blog about how we no longer have to put up with that prat Trump, and instead it turned into a lengthy disquisition on the failure of education and the problems inherent in how humans relate to one another through Tajfel’s Social Identity Theory (that’s the whole in-group/out-group/fear-and-distrust-among-nations-and-peoples thing I was going on about). Sorry, folks, sometimes life is just like that: you tune in for laughs and get punched in the dick with a dry, depressing polemic on our failings as a species. Happy 2020, everyone! Anyway, tune in soon for a review of Crash Bandicoot 4: It’s About Time, which I promise not to turn into a didactic on the role of Nietzsche’s hypothetical superman in a civilisation that relies on the suppression of certain, key choices… aaaaaalthough…

[20sdanbi]

what’s gucci, amigos? i’m ree, i’m sick, and i’m regretting this coffee i’m drinking rn!!! my twitter is svnshinegrl if you’re into quality shitposting and memeing or if u wanna plot there too ig?? that’s cool too. i suck at intro posts so lemme just get right into it. a tl;dr on everybody’s favourite rich bitch danbi is under the cut! 

the only daughter of one of the country’s best fashion photographers and fashion models (both retired) 

a total daddy’s girl and happily admits it; hates her mother with a burning passion 

raised pretty much to follow in her mother’s footsteps and has been in the limelight her entire life p much

i mean she doesn’t hate it but her mother’s a level five stage mom ya feel? put her on diets, compared her to the looks of other girls, told her to tilt her head 270 degrees north-west etc. that kinda thing. v much likes to control her daughter’s every move

her first and only taste of ‘normalcy’ came in the form of a boy who was the epitome of normal aka had nothing and wanted nothing to do with the industry, wasn’t anything special, was barely phased by whatever she did 

mother dearest did not approve of course, made her get rid of him, and so begins danbi’s emotional downfall 

ironically, her career picks up around this point 

apathetic, detached from the world around her, narcissistic, vain, selfish and superficial. her mother literally couldn’t be prouder 

chain smokes, spends her money frivolously, sleeps around, hates commitment 

oh she gets a nose job at some point bc she hates that it’s the same as her mother’s 

if you’ve ever seen the japanese movie helter skelter she’s p much lilico but not as extreme alskdjfh 

will probably step on you and not feel an ounce of remorse about it demi_lovato_-_sorry_not_sorry.mp3 

possible plots maybe???

another number in danbi’s phone that she can hit up anytime she feels horny hey hey 

rival model 

some not-rich person who’s company she can tolerate 

a rich person she hates 

someone who likes to call her out on her bullshit and fails/succeeds to get a reaction out of her 

i also suck at these so let’s brainstorm okay

[animebirder]

Transracial?

A while back, there was this news story about some Caucasian person in Florida claiming to be “transracial” and “culturally Filipino” despite having no tangible familial or experiential ties to Filipino ancestry or culture.  And of course, everyone on my Facebook feed called bullshit on that person, because, let’s get real, you can’t just eat a bunch of lumpia and suddenly claim to understand what it’s like to be one of our people. Well, I think I know the other reason that struck me the wrong way -- I used to be acquainted with someone who claimed they were “spiritually and culturally Japanese” despite being a zero percent Japanese white girl from the American North whose entire knowledge base of Japanese culture seemed to be comprised of what she’d gleaned from Squid Girl.   Basically, Rachel Dolezal ... for weebs. I had a good laugh at that analogy though, keeping in mind that this person ended up seriously hurting one of my closest friends (and also tried to get in between me and my spouse) and so my view of them as a human being isn’t exactly favorable to begin with.  (She’s to date the only person I have blocked on Tumblr, too, because I don’t need that level of insane delusion in my life.) Back to the original topic: I think a lot of the difficulty in understanding these concepts from an American point of view is because, whereas the claimed ethos of America predicates that anyone in the world can come here and be a hyphen-American, the converse is simply not true.  You can’t just claim whatever you want without backing it up (no matter what the current So-Called-Ruler-of-the-United-States and his sycophants want you to believe).  Facts mean something.  History means something.  I will never be able to go to Croatia and become Croatian.  I will never be able to go to Kenya and end up Luo.  It just doesn’t work that way -- these sorts of things usually take generations of intermarriage to take hold and the best you can hope for within your lifetime is to be the friendly, useful outsider.   Sometimes, I still feel that way here in the States, no thanks to any number of (usually but not always white) assholes telling me, at worst, I should “go home” (what, to Austin?  I left the P.I. in ‘83 and don’t speak Tagalog?) or at best, that I’m “one of the good immigrants” (because the majority are bad, gfy?). So these sorts of claims of “transracialism” invariably come off less as sincere adoption of culture and race ... and more like narcissistic, self-important people who want to be unique at the cost of other people by appropriating their culture in skewed, inorganic, and superficial ways in order to make themselves feel better, and on a greater scale, part of this gross amoeba of cultural imperialism that devalues the achievements and struggles of POCs that have come here to the States, and whitewashes the history and sense of place and connection that brought us where we are. Also.   Rachel Dolezal ... for weebs. That’s just fucking funny shit right there.