#and not exclusively aphobia by any means

[anistarrose]

there's a type of tumblr funnyperson who's never posted explicit hate/exclusionism towards asexuals and other a-specs... and yet, they like to make up a guy. where the type of guy they always make up undermines any trust a-specs might've otherwise had for them. for example, a common post format is making up a hypothetical tumblr user's bio that's obviously just so cringe, according to the sensibilities of everyone reading — wherein the implied joke is how we've all seen someone in the wild who's cringe like this, right?

these posts always feel the need to slide some a-spec microlabel in there. a lot of the time, it's specifically an ace-spec microlabel plus "heteroromantic," especially if they think that the guy they're making up is trying to be a real special snowflake. to round out the "cringe," they usually pepper in at least one element from the set of: neopronouns, a namedropped mental illness, and a piece of media that's targeted at children/popular for tumblr to hate at the time.

then a zillion people reblog that post, all agreeing haha that's so cringe, and a million a-spec people (and nonbinary and autistic people) shudder — because are they the butt of the joke, to the people reblogging it? or are the people reblogging just laughing about a different element, like a comically long DNI or something, which has distracted them from noticing the fact that OP clearly associates a-spec identities with "cringe"?

if any a-spec people point this out about OP, or ask a reblogger if they support ace people, they are inevitably accused of overreacting — which is great for the aphobes, because they get a new "cringe" a-spec person to point and laugh at. it's just such a nasty cycle, and even people who wouldn't consider themselves aphobes aren't great at noticing and interrogating it.

[toytulini]

if the puritan assholes trying to control you started having tons of sex, it would not necessarily make them stop trying to control you. I know you think its fun and cathartic to joke about, but like, youre just reviving a stupid ridiculous stigma, that shouldnt be revived, at the expense of a different marginalized group, instead of making any sort of actual point. plenty of the people calling ppl pedophiles for being kinky at pride, and trying to pass laws to have people arrested for being visibly queer in public, have had sex. are not "virgins". the problem is not that they havent had sex, its that theyre close minded fascist assholes trying to genocide queer ppl, and they dont actually give a shit if youre having sex or not. they see any deviation from the white abled perisex cis hetero patriarchal christian norm as being fundamentally disgusting. they shame you for not being virgins, but i promise, dont worry, they shame us too, for not becoming fucking tradwives for them. they wouldnt suddenly be fine with your lesbian relationship if it was ~pure and chaste~ with no sex or kissing. they see the entirety of queerness as disgusting, and any rejection of their norm where men and women are 2 strictly distinct categories with no overlap that grow up and get married and have joyless awful sex for the sole purpose of creating more perfect little white christian babies, anything that isnt that, they hate it. they hate lesbians for being queer, they hate bisexuals for being queer, theyre REALLY focused rn on how fucking much they despise any kind of trans person, for being queer, they hate aces for being queer.

For a long time, aces had the mixed bag of invisibility, where, we didnt get a lot of super vitriolic hate bc no one fucking knew what we were, but often when ppl found out ? they sure did fucking hate us and want us oppressed. but bc we were so invisible, stupid fucking online discourses decided that meant that they love us, for some reason? bc they internalized way too much of what their oppressors told them. i promise, the people who treated you like shit wouldn't have actually treated you better for being ace, and even if they did? it would be conditional at best, bc anyone doing that clearly has a very narrow view of what sort of deviations from their percieved norm are okay. and as soon as you stray from that, it would be no longer okay w them that you were ace. and now, it seems like our level of visibility is starting to shift, fuckers on right wing "news" stations are talking about us, and i cant stress this enough,

theyre saying the same fucking bullshit all you stupid fucking exclusie ass discoursers said about us. they sound exactly like you. you sound the same. word for word i have already seen each and every god damn thing these right wing fashy news grifters are saying, right here on tumblr dot fucking com, first.

anyway

I am so fucking tired. please come up with a better joke than to call people virgins as an insult. you can do better than that. There is nothing wrong being a virgin, and there is nothing wrong with not being a virgin. its fine. both are fine. stop bringing back stigma that makes you sound like a caricature of a fucking high school bully. chill out about other people's sex lives (including!!!! other ppls lack thereof)

listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.

yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?

maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".

get a better joke

[royboyfanpage]

Blog Intro/Masterpost

Hi! I’m the OP of this blog. I figured since this is gaining a little bit of traction I’d make an intro post to this blog! My name’s Tal, I’m an 18+ trans guy who’s been hyperfixated on Roy Harper for about a year now, so I created this blog for rants, reblogs, and (w)riting. I’m also British so excuse any spellings or terms that I may use differently from Americans. My asks and DMs are always open :) I'm 900x more likely to actually write stuff if I've been asked too.

Support me on Ko-Fi!

WARNINGS AND HOUSE RULES

This blog is dedicated to all things Roy Harper. A disclaimer that a lot of Roy’s story focuses on heavy themes. If you’re someone who is unfamiliar with Roy and wants to get to know him through this blog, this is your discretion warning for topics such as drugs, violence, death etc.

This blog is not focused on Jayroy or the New 52. Jayroy shippers and New 52 fans are welcome here, but the content here is not tailored to you.

For the most part, I say ship and let ship. However, I view the Arrows as a family unit. Please do not tag anything on my blog as a ship between any Arrows, minus Ollie and Dinah. (Some people view other characters as Arrowfam outside of who I typically include. When I refer to Arrowfam, I generally mean Roy, Ollie, Dinah, Connor, Mia, Emiko, and Lian. Please don’t ship any of those minus Ollie and Dinah on my posts. While I don't see him as Arrowfam per se but more exclusively Harperfam, Grant Emerson is also included in this. Please don't.)

Any blogs that focus on a paedophilic ship are discouraged here. Please avoid interacting with my posts if you publically ship any underaged character with any adult character. Aging up/de-aging is included. It's not a hard rule per se, but I don't particularly want it in my tumblr circle.

Aside from those ships, anything’s free game! If you see a post of Roy and Wally, or Roy and Garth, or Roy and Donna, or Roy and Jade or Dick or Grace or whoever, you can tag them with ships, go nuts.

Any form of bigotry is unwelcome here, be that racism, transphobia, homophobia, biphobia, aphobia, ableism, fatphobia, or SWERFs. If you fall into any of those categories, Roy Harper would not support you, and neither do I. Additionally, intentionally misinterpreting any of my posts to try and demonise addicts will result in a block.

Unlabelled peoples, xenogenders, neopronoun users, etc are all welcome here.

I support the freedom of Palestine. If you don’t, disrespectfully fuck off.

MY STUFF

Here's the stuff that I've done! This will be added to with time.

Rants:

Snowbirds (1)

Snowbirds (2)

Grudges

Dinah Lance

Mia Dearden

Uncle Sam's Piss Poor Leadership

Oliver Queen's B- parenting

Why Ollie Doesn't Suck

Connor Hawke

Throwing The Drink At Garth

Writings:

Something nameless

Miscellaneous:

Roy Harper's Badassery

Tim North

My Favourite Thing About Roy

[aroaceconfessions]

Note: Heavy, contains specific mentions of acephobia by family members, contains details of a comingout going wrong, alludes to general aphobia, and talks about feeling exclusion at pride.

I've been aching a lot this pride month. It's the first pride month I've had where I really have known and accepted being aroace, and I just feel this ache sometimes.

People often talk about being happy and excited to go to pride events and pride parades but I just... ache.

I don't know if I want to go to a pride event, because I can't be certain that I will be welcomed, wanted, and celebrated there. And that hurts. It hurts that there's any kind of uncertainty about being wanted and welcomed, it hurts that I have to debate whether or not to go to a pride event because I just don't know if I can deal with defending my identity.

It hurts because it's made me realize that even though I only caught the tail end of the worst of the tumblr hate for aspecs, it was still enough. Enough to make me doubt, enough to leave me aching during a time when I should be celebrating. It hurts to see so much of the aspec community, that was so active and happy and proud during ASAW and valentines day, go silent during pride month.

It made me realize that hate and rejection still exists.

My family went to a huge pride event this pride, and I didn't end up going cause I was in a different area at the time. At first I was aching about it. It looked like they enjoyed it so much, and I just felt like I wouldn't have been. I feel that I ache too much, I hurt too much, I fear too much to feel comfortable at said pride event.

It doesn't help that my mom was the first and only person I deliberately came out too, (at the time I only thought I was ace too), and it didn't go well. It was less of blatant hate, and more of subtle acephobia, with comments about how I shouldn't get in a relationship then because it wouldn't be fair, or how it didn't matter to her because it wasn't a big deal, or concern about whether or not it was because of the purity culture crap. And it hurt so much, even more so because the comments came from places of ignorance, and love, and she didn't mean to hurt me, but she cut me to my core.

She's gotten better, and learned way more since then. I mean, she went to a pride parade, something I never could have imagined even three years ago. She's more accepting to all queer people, and honestly, if I came out now I'm sure it would have gone different. But the matter of fact is it didn't. And it still hurts. It hurts knowing that I didn't get the support and acceptance I needed, and knowing that so many people didn't change, and don't think I deserve to be at pride.

But.

I got in a call with my family soon after the pride event. Two of my younger family members told me they had saved me some ace merch. I'm crying thinking about it. I had felt so upset, so bitter, so angry, and here comes these wonderful people who bluntly and simply accepted and supported me. It healed the pieces of my heart that felt so young and broken and aching.

I've realized that I've only said the words I'm Asexual once outloud. And it didn't go well. I've never said I'm aromantic outloud. I've really only begun to say I think I'm ace or I'm probably aroace a lot recently. Because there's always this level of doubt for me.

But these wonderful people saw me and accepted me and supported me more then I do myself. And it means the world to me, more then they probably imagine.

I am asexual. I am aromantic. I am aroace.

I am queer, and I am here, and I belong at pride.

Submitted June 23, 2023

[redheadbigshoes]

my attraction isnt a switch i control but just have turned off for men. like. i can see a butch i think is cute then find out they're a cis man and i just lose that attraction immediately?? i cant control that?? when i am attracted to another non-binary person (im a nb aro lesbian) and i find out they dont lay within my realm of attraction or are uncomfortable by it, i immediately lose attraction. again, i dont control this.

there's loads of jokes about butches and twinks having moments where they're like "hold on you're not a dude?" - "you're not a butch?" and going whoops and having a laugh because they dont swing that way.

idk i dont get the anon being like "what do you think lesbians are attracted to in women that we can’t be attracted to in men?" because as demonstrated, there might be things that overlap, sure, but that doesnt change anything about how attraction functions as a lesbian?? im into women and nonbinary people who align under the lesbian ROA, and anything else i cannot turn that switch on for.

if lesbians can just… "find something attractive in men" then i guess aros and aces can just "find people attractive" in general if that's how that works. if i had to turn on any switch it'd be the lesbian romantic attraction switch but i cant.

and i dont know why it works like that. truly. but why the HELL do we have people in our own damn community asking us to PROVE OURSELVES and our attraction - that we are not secretly into men - as a counter point to lesbophobia? a "nonanswer" as such could apply to so many sections of the community (ive had this used against the explanation of my nonbinaryhood) and this entire thing is so fucking homophobic i cannot even describe.

WE CANT KNOW EVERYTHING. what we do know is lesbian is a term that evolved to describe exclusive sapphic attraction, it includes trans women OF COURSE that is BASELINE. it includes nonbinary people who align with that attraction. it includes aromantics and asexuals. it doesnt include men and trying to devolve the meaning of the word for reasons that aren't even conclusive, and all come down to things like blatant transphobia & nbphobia, blanketed internalized and externalized biphobia as well as misogyny, lesbophobia, aphobia, is honestly just deranged.

i am TIRED

Not to mention finding someone attractive is not attraction. You’re just noticing someone’s beauty. Gays can find women attractive, straight men can find men attractive, straight women can find women attractive. But when it comes to lesbians we can’t recognize a man’s beauty without people doubting our sexuality and telling us we’re actually attracted to men.

Having the mindset that lesbians have to prove our sexuality is very similar to what cishets think of us. Cishets often think queers have to prove their sexuality, and when a queer person have this mindset it just seems they’re siding with cishets.

[weededout]

vash but make him classic and tragic.

hello again it's aspen (28, they/them).

the rules are as follows:

I reserve the right to curate my blog experience how I see fit. Not following, softblocking, and hardblocking characters based off of their specific experiences/affiliations may occur, strictly because it affects my own mental state. This is not a direct affront to any player – I am likely happy to interact with any other character. Furthermore, you are welcome to ask me any questions if you so wish!

ic =/= ooc. vash is a good, well-meaning guy, but it still needs to be said.

i am non-exclusive! i will play with the different versions of a character 20 times over. i love shenanigans!!!!

similarly – please lmk if you’re not comfortable with me following you, or feel free to soft-block!

If you follow me and i’m slow to interact/follow back/acknowledge something you’ve done, it’s most likely because I’m waiting to check your ooc and rules page. If it’s not automatically accessible from a mobile page, I have to wait until I’m home on my computer. This is just me trying to be careful and respect your boundaries.

I will soft block you if you’re under 18. If you follow me again, I will hard block, no questions asked. There will be adult content and I will not be held responsible for exposing a minor to that.

ic =/= ooc

Racism, sexism, homo/trans/aphobia will not be tolerated.

Drama mongering and pot stirring will not be tolerated. While I understand a need to expose toxicity and harmful behaviors such as those listed above, in-fighting, gossip, or needless hate will find itself gone from my dash.

I don’t have any major DNIs aside from those above.

But if you have questions/concerns about the people I’ve talked to, behavior I’ve been apart of in the past or anything else that might be bothering you, please don’t hesitate to drop me a message. While it isn’t anyone’s job to educate me, I would appreciate knowing about things I’ve done to hurt others.

[stvmpedes]

hello again it's aspen (28, they/them) coming at you with an ic blog for Vash the Stampede, specifically pulling from Trigun Stampede.

icons are by ponponpon

the rules are as follows:

I reserve the right to curate my blog experience how I see fit. Not following, softblocking, and hardblocking characters based off of their specific experiences/affiliations may occur, strictly because it affects my own mental state. This is not a direct affront to any player – I am likely happy to interact with any other character. Furthermore, you are welcome to ask me any questions if you so wish!

ic =/= ooc. vash is a good, well-meaning guy, but it still needs to be said.

i am non-exclusive! i will play with the different versions of a character 20 times over. i love shenanigans!!!!

similarly – please lmk if you’re not comfortable with me following you, or feel free to soft-block!

If you follow me and i’m slow to interact/follow back/acknowledge something you’ve done, it’s most likely because I’m waiting to check your ooc and rules page. If it’s not automatically accessible from a mobile page, I have to wait until I’m home on my computer. This is just me trying to be careful and respect your boundaries.

I will soft block you if you’re under 18. If you follow me again, I will hard block, no questions asked. There will be adult content and I will not be held responsible for exposing a minor to that.

ic =/= ooc

Racism, sexism, homo/trans/aphobia will not be tolerated.

Drama mongering and pot stirring will not be tolerated. While I understand a need to expose toxicity and harmful behaviors such as those listed above, in-fighting, gossip, or needless hate will find itself gone from my dash.

I don’t have any major DNIs aside from those above.

But if you have questions/concerns about the people I’ve talked to, behavior I’ve been apart of in the past or anything else that might be bothering you, please don’t hesitate to drop me a message. While it isn’t anyone’s job to educate me, I would appreciate knowing about things I’ve done to hurt others.

[thehealingsystem]

was just going to comment but I figured this deserved a more in depth response. so now I ask users of tumblr to STOP MAKING POLLS LIKE THIS

for warning there is rampant aphobia in the notes, as expected but really fucking sad because I thought most of our community moved past this shit. but apparently not

asexual and aromanticism is inherently part of the lgbtq+ community. no ifs ands or buts. not on the condition of being queer in some other way, not on the condition of how much oppression they experience. and from reading the comments, people need some reminders

gatekeeping who is "lgbt enough" based on how badly a group is oppressed is bullshit. first off, a bunch of you obviously haven't read into any discussions or research on aspec folks and the experiences they've had with this. because I can assure you that we ALSO are on the receiving end of the harm from heteronormative views of society and having our orientations questioned, criticized, and rejected. just because you refuse to even LOOK at what aspecs are saying about their own lives and don't experience that yourself doesn't mean you can completely deny that we aren't oppressed.

and to be fair, I am queer in other ways and being aspec isn't the most important part of my identity for me BECAUSE I've been a lot more hurt for those other parts, such as being lesbian or being trans. but I obviously don't speak for the entire community

but secondly, it's not the best thing in the world to base whether or not someone is allowed in the Exclusive Minority Group around how badly they've been hurt. this has been done to hell and back and has shown to only be harmful. transmedicalism bases itself off of this, and I see it in a lot of transmeds to this day. that they're hurt and suffering due to being trans, therefore anyone else who is trans has to be hurt and suffering too or else they're not REALLY trans. Not REALLY a part of the group. Because if they're not oppressed enough obviously they don't belong here right? literally the logic people are putting in the comments right now

And by god, people NEED to get normal about alloaros. if a guy doesn't experience romantic attraction and is just sexually attracted to women, that is it. he cannot choose his orientation. he can't change anything about who or who he isn't attracted to

seriously there's replies saying with their full chest that he's just trying to distance himself from women while still being sexually active with them in order to use it as a scapegoat for his misogyny. which also shows that we still see asexual and aromanticism as an ACTION rather than an actual valid orientation. what the hell do you want this hypothetical man to do??? suddenly gain romantic feelings??? pft

so many have problems with split attraction for so many reasons that go straight into basic plain old queerphobia. towards non-aspec sam and aspec sam alike. that the labels aren't valid and we would just use something else, to that no one can actually have attraction like that because romantic and sexual attraction are always the same definitely (/sar), our labels are useless and there's no point in them, we're trying to invade some sort of community, that we're literal predators and trying to make people attracted to us, the list goes on and on

please stop giving these people a platform to spout their queerphobia. I've seen so many polls like this asking questions of whether they think xyz identity is valid, and while I may have let loose with the contradictory identities one bc it was mostly positive and I just wanted to express pride in it, there's so many that go all wrong, asked in bad faith meant to bring out hateful discourse

this is a poll with 15980+ votes so far with 4746+ voting no. are you kidding me. aphobia? in our year 2023, nearly 2024? literally just stop already

[aphobicplacesscale]

....

So I read your criteria, and I noticed something...

I almost never mean to be aphobic, in fact I honestly seem to be an angled loveless aroace (I experience platonic and sexual attraction (? Not really attraction but libedo) more) but I often use the word love

Likely due to the fact that

1. Allos seem to do that, partially doing it to fit in

2. I have slight bullying / social exclusion trauma thanks to being neurodivergent. And if I say 'I respect you' or 'I care for you' or something else more similar to my true experience, it feels slightly passive aggressive which I do not mean at all

Usually, when I use any labels for relationships, I mean like, the level below

So, what do I do to make my personal blog more aspec friendly ? /gen

Cool question!

Not easy, but surely really interesting.

Using the word love is not straight-up aphobic. It isn't a "wrong" or "bad" word in any way.

Love is a difficult concept, and the definition varies from one person to another, so what may trigger somebody may be perfectly fine for someone else.

I personally prefer not using it (or putting an alternative wording near), but it is mainly due to my pettiness, my wish to be as inclusive as I can, and the fact that sometimes it bugs me to read/think about it. But this is my thought, and it's based on my personal relationship with the concept of love in our society. It can be different for other people. (It probably is).

You don't have to act like an allo person to fit in: if something makes you uncomfortable, they will respect you. Otherwise, they're probably not the group of persons you will want to fit in.

You can have really valid reasons to use the word, and nobody can tell you that your feelings and your sensibility on this matter are wrong. Just pay attention to other people, too.

The "I love you"s aren't what makes a blog aphobic.

If you think you could support the aspec community more, here are some suggestions. Obviously, those are only a few, but they can be valid point from which you can start. (Is it that obvious I really enjoy lists?)

Aspec related posts! If you see a cool art, an interesting discussion, a rant you can understand and relate to (or one you can't, but you still want to support them), an informational post about a label not well known, even just some random "aspec people are valid" post, reblog them! (Every time I'm randomly scrolling and I see one of those, it warms my heart!)

Trigger warnings tags. To tag things properly is important, but, often, people forget tws for things like romance, sex mention, or aphobia. I find them quite useful, and probably romance/sex repulsed people do too.

No aphobia. Seems obvious, but pay attention that none of your posts contain messages that can be offensive for aspec people. This includes but is not limited to: "love is all that matters"/"love is love" signs; exclusionists (people who don't belive aspecs are part of the lgbtqia+ community) posts; posts that say that a certain label under the aspec umbrella doesn't exist; and every other message that invalidates our experiences and feelings.

Another pretty obvious one, not strictly related to the blog as it works irl, too, do not invalidate aspec people's experiences. This includes fictional characters.

Be open to dialogue: if somebody tells you something is making them uncomfortable, or that you could do something better,be open to changes and constructive criticism.

This is pretty much all I can think of right now. Those are general points that are always useful to keep in mind, but, obviously, there can be more.

I hope this is at least a little bit interesting and helpful.

If I said something wrong, feel free to correct me!

[ice-and-lightning]

Rules

General rp rules apply, like general decency, no godmodding etc. I'm also mutuals only. I will no longer rp with minors, sorry. This is for my own peace of mind.

I will block personal blogs who likes my starter/inbox calls or rp-wishes.

Niko (he/they), 30+ yo and will not participate in ooc drama or call-out culture. I'm autistic and also have adhd and mental illness as well as chronic anaemia, all this will, of course, affect my ability to write. My speed will vary.

If I follow you, I want to rp. I'm shy though, so I might take a moment, but I never follow for follows. If I don't follow back, it's usually because I'm uncertain how our muses could interact, so if you have an idea, please tell me and I might follow you back then.

I'm not a native English speaker.

No smut will be written. Mun is a borderline sex-averse asexual and have 0 interest in this kind of writing.

Romantic shipping might happen, but only if there's chemistry and a good relationship between muns. Yanqing will not be romantically shipped with any muse over the age of 16 (or that species version of 16).

Common ships I won't rp: Yanqing/Yunli, Arlan/Asta, Moze/Feixiao, Moze/Jiaoqiu, Moze/Feixiao/Jiaoqiu

Don't assume our muses relationship, besides if they know each other or not in canon. I won't even assume that all Jing Yuans will view Yanqing as his son. So please, don't assume how my muses view your muse.

I use the tag "tw: [subject]" for things I've been told to tag. I have a few triggers on my own that I would like you to tag. Text & img: cannibalism, zombies. Image only: Sunday (the character), smutty stuff, dirty & messy areas.

Things that will usually lead to soft blocking: repeated untagged triggers, call-out posts, repeated ooc drama posts (not talking daily life venting, but actually tumblr drama shit), breaking my rules.

Things that will lead to being blocked: I see you posting anything hate-fueled ooc, such as aphobia/acephobia, transphobia, Romaphobia/antiziganism etc. This includes posts about hating ALL men (yes cis men included), if I find out you've sent hate or threat to others.

Affiliation/mains/exclusive. Affiliated with, to me, means that my muses are heavily connected with that person's muse(s). Mentioning of that muse usually indicates their version of them. Mains are pretty much the same as affiliated, but not always. To me, mains are the ones I rp with the most and ones I also talk to ooc. Exclusive, I don't do this for a specific muse, but I might do it for relationships. At the moment, the only example is with starlighttrain's Dan Heng and my Arlan who are developing a kind of very close relationship. My Arlan will not have this kind of close relationship with any other Dan Heng.

Rules might come to change with time. I'll make an announcement if that happens.

[midnight-fox-boy]

🌕Pinned Post (for now)🌕

Posted: 9/11/24

You can call me Midnight. I'm a 24 year old nonbinary trans guy who exclusively uses he/him pronouns. In general I primarily enjoy masculine-coded language more than neutral or feminine. That being said I don't mind a lot of "soft" terms like cute or boy so long as it's not coming from a place of disrespect.

I'm gay, demisexual/Romantic, and greyplatonic. My "gayness" pretty much means (very much simplified) "a lot of men and nonbinary people (terms and conditions apply)". To make a long story short, I apparently have a habit of dating "men" who come out as nonbinary so 😂. I do not feel that any other term truly feels like "me".

I've been out for nearly 9 years now (wild).

On testosterone for more than half that time total (in not mathing that)

I have chronic pain, consider myself disabled, have ADHD, OSDD, amongst other "issues".

My stances kind of show through my DNI and things I post but if there's any confusion or you're worried, I always accept good faith questions in that regard. If you're not sure if you're stepping on my DNI OR if you're not sure If I fit into your DNI or not, feel free to ask and I'll respectfully answer.

That being said, I don't necessarily feel the need to defend or justify myself for a lot of these. Anything I don't want to answer will just get deleted.

DNI below the cut:

*bigots of any kind: racism, ableism, bi/panphobes, transphobia, anti m-spec gays/lesbians or nonbinary gays/lesbians, aphobia, etc.

*endos. Pro-endo OSDDID systems that are going to give me grief about this (if you just wanna vibe idc), I generally don't really care about other OSDDID systems' stances on this so long as they don't push it onto others. So yes, y'all Endo neutrals are safe here since Ive noticed not many blogs are inclusive of people who want to stay tf out of it or hold a more neutral stance.

*TransID. I'm not about pretending to be disabled when you're not, that's disgusting, same for race. "trans age" is way different than age regression or even just SFW age play (pretending to be a different age without it being real regression), and that's gross too. Trans species I don't really care about unless you're using it to justify doing disgusting things.

*I don't want to see gross shit. Adults shipping or defending shipping minor characters with adults is wack to me. That's just p3dophilia "lite". (Legit don't even come at me about "it's only romantic!" Also don't even feel the need to defend a 17 y/o with an 18 y/o. Of course I'm not talking about a ONE YEAR age difference)

* pro self harm blogs of any kind. Idk how prevalent they are anymore or if they're called the same thing but for a specific example, "pro-ana" blogs.

* okay I'll probably get hate for this but: non-intersex, BINARY cishets identifying as gay/lesbian. So binary cishet men identifying as lesbians, binary cishet women identifying as gay (in the mlm way). It feels like fetishizing and that's..gross. again, this is not talking about nonbinary, fluid, or intersex individuals.

*people who condone bullying, harassment, and/or space invasion in order to "punish" people for having a different stance.

[feathered-reefs]

:/ and it happens outside of the comunity too.

I couldn't even name how many times I've heard preachers and acquintances and strangers and my own mother demonice and ridicule aces.

Concervative cristians act as if any remotely sexual atraction outside marriage (and sometimes even inside of it) is a sin but will also demonice and call liars all those who don't feel any of it.

They don't even know what most of the terms mean! They don't give a shit about "loving" or "understanding" or "saving" anyone, they adore using their oh-so-beloved bibles to judge and hurt anything and anyone that doesn't fit in their perfect world view. Aphobia is real, very real and it can scalate to the same level of physical and physcological abuse than other parts of the comunity experience. The LGBTQ+ comunity is supposed to be for those who aren't either cis or hetero, for all those who don't fit in society's perfect squares of either gender or sexuality and aces' lack of atraction and all the presure and discrimination that DOES come with it makes them, makes us just as worthy of belonging to the suporting group that the comunity was made to be.If you don't think there's Aphobia out there and that aces don't face exclusion or discrimination then that's simply because you haven't experimented it personally and while I know that this may come as a shook to you, let me tell you; your experiences aren't universal and that you haven't felt someone's pain does not make it any less real or important.

"aphobia doesn't exist"

bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it

[ice-and-lightning-a]

Rules

General rp rules apply, like general decency, no godmodding etc. I'm also mutuals only.

Niko (he/they), 30+ yo and will not participate in ooc drama or call-out culture. I'm autistic and also have adhd and mental illness as well as chronic anaemia, all this will, of course, affect my ability to write. My speed will vary.

I'm not a native English speaker.

No smut will be written.

Romantic shipping might happen, but only if there's chemistry and a good relationship between muns. Yanqing will not be romantically shipped with any muse over the age of 16 (or that species version of 16).

Common ships I won't rp: Yanqing/Yunli, Arlan/Asta, Moze/Feixiao, Moze/Jiaoqiu, Moze/Feixiao/Jiaoqiu

Don't assume our muses relationship, besides if they know each other or not in canon. I won't even assume that all Jing Yuans will view Yanqing as his son. So please, don't assume how my muses view your muse.

If I have replied to a thread, it will to 99% certainty be in the thread tracker. So feel free to check the status of threads there. I am very slow though. Sorry.

Things that will usually lead to soft blocking: untagged nakked images, call-out posts, repeated ooc drama posts (not talking daily life venting, but actually tumblr drama shit), breaking my rules.

Things that will lead to being blocked: I see you posting anything hate-fueled ooc, such as aphobia/acephobia, transphobia, Romaphobia/antiziganism etc. This includes posts about hating ALL men (yes cis men included), if I find out you've sent hate or threat to others.

Affiliation/mains/exclusive. Affiliated with, to me, means that my muses are heavily connected with that person's muse(s). Mentioning of that muse usually indicates their version of them. Mains are pretty much the same as affiliated, but not always. To me, mains are the ones I rp with the most and ones I also talk to ooc. Exclusive, I don't do this for a specific muse, but I might do it for relationships. At the moment, the only example is with starlighttrain's Dan Heng and my Arlan who are developing a kind of queerplatonic relationship. My Arlan will not have this kind of close relationship with any other Dan Heng.

Rules might come to change with time. I'll make an announcement if that happens.

[anaspecsideblog]

I suspect my sister is arospec but possibly closer to alloro than I am and the attraction she does experience is exclusively toward boys (well, she’s an adult now, so, men) and I think she thinks of being arospec as this thing that defined me because it was so so rare for me (only one for sure crush from me) but like she has said out loud to me she’s not sure if any of her crushes were real! So she’s arguably more aro than I am!

And like I think it’s just not a big deal to her and she maybe doesn’t want to deal with aphobia from our mom the way I did but I just hope she knows she’d be so welcome in the community if she wanted to be and it would real cool if she embraced that being part of who she is, at least to me.

I also suspect she might be a flavor of alloaro and exclusively sexually into boys and that’s why shit is confusing to her. I was more aroace when we were growing up. Alloaros are so incredibly marginalized. She’s supposed to be straight in her head. Maybe she was sexually into the boys she dated and then broke up with because she realized she did not like them like that—that’s how she put it every time, she got bored, she wasn’t in love with them, they asked her and she said yes and then she realized she wanted out but didn’t really know how to do it for like MONTHS before ripping the band aid off.

I dunno, maybe I’m projecting and she really is just straight and not that interested in dating or she dated shitty guys in high school or whatever but like. I’m so convinced my sister could identify as arospec based on her telling me her experience and whenever I point this out she’s like “never mind, I like boys, never mind I just told you I’m not sure I’ve ever had a crush, I’m straight, im just not sure I’ve ever had a crush” sweetie you mean you’re aro and heterosexual?

She’s also never told me about a boyfriend or any partner at all in college but we don’t talk much or maybe she just hasn’t gotten together with anyone but is still alloro.

And like if she just doesn’t need the feel to label this it’s cool I just think we’re more similar than she thinks

[chemicalarospec]

okay I want to preface this with 1. I'm not saying "you're wrong, I'm right" -- I just wanted to provide my perspective and self-examine why this post made me uncomfortable. 2. I'm the kind of person that keeps literal garbage (like foil candy wrappers) around, hoping that it will have a use -- you seem like the kind of person to throw anything away once it no longer is needed -- this could boil down to our different outlooks on life.

Firstly, I agree that nearly 100% of "femmephobia" stems from directly misogyny, but not everything that fights against misogyny successfully combats femmephobia… If discrimination against femininity isn't distinct from discrimination against women, why did I spend my childhood trying to be more tomboy-ish because I thought tomboys were somehow better than girly-girls? Why did this messaging usually come from "feminist" works where a princess, metaphorically speaking, rejects the tower -- and the dress? I have said before, and maintain, that the biggest failing of 2010s feminism was that it was so busy liberating women from femininity that it forgot to liberate femininity from inferiority.

Obviously, you're right that GNC women are NOT given any privilege at all over feminine women, but I think it's also true that slightly masculine women -- women who can act a little more masculine, have a more "reserved" style, perhaps with short yet feminine hair -- are valued over women who are "girly girls". At the very least, a neutral woman is much preferable to a "ditzy, vapid" feminine woman -- and this very clearly targeting femininity. Without the past decade of women trying to prove that they can be neutral/masculine in order to prove we have equal value, I would say you could just call it misogyny and be done with it, but with that context, it's clear that anti-misogyny ideology can still end up with discrimination towards femininity. While I myself never have and honestly never would use the term “femmephobia,” I think having the ability to separate discrimination against femininity from, despite it stemming from, discrimination against women is important -- especially in the context of how we combat the two. To say the separation of the two has no credibility just leads us back into the "if you wear makeup you're a slave to the patriarchy" mentality.

Secondly, as an acearo person, reading your paragraph on aphobia was a little uncomfortable. Any arguments for distinct aphobia in a societal context aside, the fact of the matter is that "aphobia" is usually used to describe discrimination against aces and aros from within the queer community. I still hear horror stories about asexuals feeling extremely isolated from both straight and "LGBTQ" community during "ace discourse" in the 2010s. To say that the word used to succinctly label and call out the exclusion of asexual people from the queer community is useless... well, it's concerning, to say the least. (I checked your blog and you're a big queer-sayer so you're not a TERF, but the fact that I had this worry at all...)

To go back to the other reasons: Aphobia is a term that aspec people can use to describe their experiences and connect as a community. Without this word, there is no one word we can use to describe the intersection of all those different "isms" that hurts us.

(For aromantics specifically, "amatonormativity" almost does the job, but as it was coined in the context of single people, it doesn't take into account our full experience. Amatonormativity sets the expectation, but "aphobia" is what occurs when aromantics fail to meet the expectation: "Aphobia" specially means "fear/hatred of a lack of something," so it describes the complicated feelings that many aromantics, including myself, experience regarding our complete lack of romantic love --"internalized amatonormativity" isn't exactly the same as "internalized a(ro)phobia" because there is a difference between not being in a romantic relationship and never being capable of romantic love.)

It doesn’t matter that you admit discrimination against aspec people exists: by saying we don’t deserve a word to describe our experiences, you are trying to break up our community. Or at least that's the way it seems -- that you're trying to dis-empower aspec people. (NOT CALLING YOU APHOBIC JUST EXPLAINING ONE INTERPRETATION OF YOUR WORDS.)

Edit: I checked OP's blog and he is actually aphobia -- they have an entire "ace discourse" tag. She dresses it up a lot as a critique of imperialism/racism/ect (the points are valid and interesting, but not at all related to asexuality, the naturally occurring human sexual orientation across all populations), but at the heart of it, they don't think cishet aces deserve to be "part of the community" so they're just a typical aphobe.

And if you combine your argument about femmephobia with your argument about aphobia, you end up directly contradicting yourself.... because in what world are gender non-conforming cis women correctly conforming to society's demand to "be cis"?

Finally, cultural appropriation, just... doesn't fit in with these two? It's not an -ism or a -phobia -- as you correctly defined it, it's a very specific act. I think a better comparison would be that cultural appropriation is like queerbaiting and critical race theory as "very specific terms that are inappropriately taken way out of context all the time and create needless outrage." All of these things do happen, but they are also very frequently not present when they're talked about. Plus they all have that "buzzword" status, and, given that the first two describe acts, are level at specific instances -- not describing an umbrella of experiences like "aphobia" and "femmephobia" do. ("Critical race theory" is a bit different, as it is a "theory" -- neither an act nor an -ism/-phobia, but I think the comparison of how conservatives freak out about it being taught in k-12 schools when it's a university-level concept hold up to the other two are misused.)

I dunno, it's also clear you're thinking about things through a more structural lens than I am, but I think trying to boil discrimination down to the intangible value system of "mainstream society" and leaving behind personal experience and interpersonal discrimination just creates an incomplete picture. You want words to be able to signify a complete "analytical framework" for society all on their own, I want words to provide language to describe specific categories of discrimination and hurt in order to provide a sense of community and a community a means of fighting back -- "you must first name your fears to fight them" or whatever. So I guess that's where the disagreement lies, and why this post made me uncomfortable.

“cultural appropriation” is kind of like “aphobia” or “femmephobia” in that the situations these terms purport to describe are really extant and harmful, but the analytical framework that they imply is complete nonsense or otherwise unhelpful

[ocpdzim]

i want to come out so badly and i think it would be nice to do it during or directly before this year’s pride festival so i can actually get pride stuff there but i do not feel remotely confident in my ability to come out right now