#and not exclusively aphobia by any means

[anistarrose]

there's a type of tumblr funnyperson who's never posted explicit hate/exclusionism towards asexuals and other a-specs... and yet, they like to make up a guy. where the type of guy they always make up undermines any trust a-specs might've otherwise had for them. for example, a common post format is making up a hypothetical tumblr user's bio that's obviously just so cringe, according to the sensibilities of everyone reading — wherein the implied joke is how we've all seen someone in the wild who's cringe like this, right?

these posts always feel the need to slide some a-spec microlabel in there. a lot of the time, it's specifically an ace-spec microlabel plus "heteroromantic," especially if they think that the guy they're making up is trying to be a real special snowflake. to round out the "cringe," they usually pepper in at least one element from the set of: neopronouns, a namedropped mental illness, and a piece of media that's targeted at children/popular for tumblr to hate at the time.

then a zillion people reblog that post, all agreeing haha that's so cringe, and a million a-spec people (and nonbinary and autistic people) shudder — because are they the butt of the joke, to the people reblogging it? or are the people reblogging just laughing about a different element, like a comically long DNI or something, which has distracted them from noticing the fact that OP clearly associates a-spec identities with "cringe"?

if any a-spec people point this out about OP, or ask a reblogger if they support ace people, they are inevitably accused of overreacting — which is great for the aphobes, because they get a new "cringe" a-spec person to point and laugh at. it's just such a nasty cycle, and even people who wouldn't consider themselves aphobes aren't great at noticing and interrogating it.

[royboyfanpage]

Blog Intro/Masterpost

Hi! I’m the OP of this blog. I figured since this is gaining a little bit of traction I’d make an intro post to this blog! My name’s Tal, I’m an 18+ trans guy who’s been hyperfixated on Roy Harper for about a year now, so I created this blog for rants, reblogs, and (w)riting. I’m also British so excuse any spellings or terms that I may use differently from Americans. My asks and DMs are always open :) I'm 900x more likely to actually write stuff if I've been asked too.

Support me on Ko-Fi!

WARNINGS AND HOUSE RULES

This blog is dedicated to all things Roy Harper. A disclaimer that a lot of Roy’s story focuses on heavy themes. If you’re someone who is unfamiliar with Roy and wants to get to know him through this blog, this is your discretion warning for topics such as drugs, violence, death etc.

This blog is not focused on Jayroy or the New 52. Jayroy shippers and New 52 fans are welcome here, but the content here is not tailored to you.

For the most part, I say ship and let ship. However, I view the Arrows as a family unit. Please do not tag anything on my blog as a ship between any Arrows, minus Ollie and Dinah. (Some people view other characters as Arrowfam outside of who I typically include. When I refer to Arrowfam, I generally mean Roy, Ollie, Dinah, Connor, Mia, Emiko, and Lian. Please don’t ship any of those minus Ollie and Dinah on my posts. While I don't see him as Arrowfam per se but more exclusively Harperfam, Grant Emerson is also included in this. Please don't.)

Any blogs that focus on a paedophilic ship are discouraged here. Please avoid interacting with my posts if you publically ship any underaged character with any adult character. Aging up/de-aging is included. It's not a hard rule per se, but I don't particularly want it in my tumblr circle.

Aside from those ships, anything’s free game! If you see a post of Roy and Wally, or Roy and Garth, or Roy and Donna, or Roy and Jade or Dick or Grace or whoever, you can tag them with ships, go nuts.

Any form of bigotry is unwelcome here, be that racism, transphobia, homophobia, biphobia, aphobia, ableism, fatphobia, or SWERFs. If you fall into any of those categories, Roy Harper would not support you, and neither do I. Additionally, intentionally misinterpreting any of my posts to try and demonise addicts will result in a block.

Unlabelled peoples, xenogenders, neopronoun users, etc are all welcome here.

I support the freedom of Palestine. If you don’t, disrespectfully fuck off.

MY STUFF

Here's the stuff that I've done! This will be added to with time.

Rants:

Snowbirds (1)

Snowbirds (2)

Grudges

Dinah Lance

Mia Dearden

Uncle Sam's Piss Poor Leadership

Oliver Queen's B- parenting

Why Ollie Doesn't Suck

Connor Hawke

Throwing The Drink At Garth

Writings:

Something nameless

Miscellaneous:

Roy Harper's Badassery

Tim North

My Favourite Thing About Roy

[aroaceconfessions]

Note: Heavy, contains specific mentions of acephobia by family members, contains details of a comingout going wrong, alludes to general aphobia, and talks about feeling exclusion at pride.

I've been aching a lot this pride month. It's the first pride month I've had where I really have known and accepted being aroace, and I just feel this ache sometimes.

People often talk about being happy and excited to go to pride events and pride parades but I just... ache.

I don't know if I want to go to a pride event, because I can't be certain that I will be welcomed, wanted, and celebrated there. And that hurts. It hurts that there's any kind of uncertainty about being wanted and welcomed, it hurts that I have to debate whether or not to go to a pride event because I just don't know if I can deal with defending my identity.

It hurts because it's made me realize that even though I only caught the tail end of the worst of the tumblr hate for aspecs, it was still enough. Enough to make me doubt, enough to leave me aching during a time when I should be celebrating. It hurts to see so much of the aspec community, that was so active and happy and proud during ASAW and valentines day, go silent during pride month.

It made me realize that hate and rejection still exists.

My family went to a huge pride event this pride, and I didn't end up going cause I was in a different area at the time. At first I was aching about it. It looked like they enjoyed it so much, and I just felt like I wouldn't have been. I feel that I ache too much, I hurt too much, I fear too much to feel comfortable at said pride event.

It doesn't help that my mom was the first and only person I deliberately came out too, (at the time I only thought I was ace too), and it didn't go well. It was less of blatant hate, and more of subtle acephobia, with comments about how I shouldn't get in a relationship then because it wouldn't be fair, or how it didn't matter to her because it wasn't a big deal, or concern about whether or not it was because of the purity culture crap. And it hurt so much, even more so because the comments came from places of ignorance, and love, and she didn't mean to hurt me, but she cut me to my core.

She's gotten better, and learned way more since then. I mean, she went to a pride parade, something I never could have imagined even three years ago. She's more accepting to all queer people, and honestly, if I came out now I'm sure it would have gone different. But the matter of fact is it didn't. And it still hurts. It hurts knowing that I didn't get the support and acceptance I needed, and knowing that so many people didn't change, and don't think I deserve to be at pride.

But.

I got in a call with my family soon after the pride event. Two of my younger family members told me they had saved me some ace merch. I'm crying thinking about it. I had felt so upset, so bitter, so angry, and here comes these wonderful people who bluntly and simply accepted and supported me. It healed the pieces of my heart that felt so young and broken and aching.

I've realized that I've only said the words I'm Asexual once outloud. And it didn't go well. I've never said I'm aromantic outloud. I've really only begun to say I think I'm ace or I'm probably aroace a lot recently. Because there's always this level of doubt for me.

But these wonderful people saw me and accepted me and supported me more then I do myself. And it means the world to me, more then they probably imagine.

I am asexual. I am aromantic. I am aroace.

I am queer, and I am here, and I belong at pride.

Submitted June 23, 2023

[redheadbigshoes]

my attraction isnt a switch i control but just have turned off for men. like. i can see a butch i think is cute then find out they're a cis man and i just lose that attraction immediately?? i cant control that?? when i am attracted to another non-binary person (im a nb aro lesbian) and i find out they dont lay within my realm of attraction or are uncomfortable by it, i immediately lose attraction. again, i dont control this.

there's loads of jokes about butches and twinks having moments where they're like "hold on you're not a dude?" - "you're not a butch?" and going whoops and having a laugh because they dont swing that way.

idk i dont get the anon being like "what do you think lesbians are attracted to in women that we can’t be attracted to in men?" because as demonstrated, there might be things that overlap, sure, but that doesnt change anything about how attraction functions as a lesbian?? im into women and nonbinary people who align under the lesbian ROA, and anything else i cannot turn that switch on for.

if lesbians can just… "find something attractive in men" then i guess aros and aces can just "find people attractive" in general if that's how that works. if i had to turn on any switch it'd be the lesbian romantic attraction switch but i cant.

and i dont know why it works like that. truly. but why the HELL do we have people in our own damn community asking us to PROVE OURSELVES and our attraction - that we are not secretly into men - as a counter point to lesbophobia? a "nonanswer" as such could apply to so many sections of the community (ive had this used against the explanation of my nonbinaryhood) and this entire thing is so fucking homophobic i cannot even describe.

WE CANT KNOW EVERYTHING. what we do know is lesbian is a term that evolved to describe exclusive sapphic attraction, it includes trans women OF COURSE that is BASELINE. it includes nonbinary people who align with that attraction. it includes aromantics and asexuals. it doesnt include men and trying to devolve the meaning of the word for reasons that aren't even conclusive, and all come down to things like blatant transphobia & nbphobia, blanketed internalized and externalized biphobia as well as misogyny, lesbophobia, aphobia, is honestly just deranged.

i am TIRED

Not to mention finding someone attractive is not attraction. You’re just noticing someone’s beauty. Gays can find women attractive, straight men can find men attractive, straight women can find women attractive. But when it comes to lesbians we can’t recognize a man’s beauty without people doubting our sexuality and telling us we’re actually attracted to men.

Having the mindset that lesbians have to prove our sexuality is very similar to what cishets think of us. Cishets often think queers have to prove their sexuality, and when a queer person have this mindset it just seems they’re siding with cishets.

[weededout]

vash but make him classic and tragic.

hello again it's aspen (28, they/them).

the rules are as follows:

I reserve the right to curate my blog experience how I see fit. Not following, softblocking, and hardblocking characters based off of their specific experiences/affiliations may occur, strictly because it affects my own mental state. This is not a direct affront to any player – I am likely happy to interact with any other character. Furthermore, you are welcome to ask me any questions if you so wish!

ic =/= ooc. vash is a good, well-meaning guy, but it still needs to be said.

i am non-exclusive! i will play with the different versions of a character 20 times over. i love shenanigans!!!!

similarly – please lmk if you’re not comfortable with me following you, or feel free to soft-block!

If you follow me and i’m slow to interact/follow back/acknowledge something you’ve done, it’s most likely because I’m waiting to check your ooc and rules page. If it’s not automatically accessible from a mobile page, I have to wait until I’m home on my computer. This is just me trying to be careful and respect your boundaries.

I will soft block you if you’re under 18. If you follow me again, I will hard block, no questions asked. There will be adult content and I will not be held responsible for exposing a minor to that.

ic =/= ooc

Racism, sexism, homo/trans/aphobia will not be tolerated.

Drama mongering and pot stirring will not be tolerated. While I understand a need to expose toxicity and harmful behaviors such as those listed above, in-fighting, gossip, or needless hate will find itself gone from my dash.

I don’t have any major DNIs aside from those above.

But if you have questions/concerns about the people I’ve talked to, behavior I��ve been apart of in the past or anything else that might be bothering you, please don’t hesitate to drop me a message. While it isn’t anyone’s job to educate me, I would appreciate knowing about things I’ve done to hurt others.

[stvmpedes]

hello again it's aspen (28, they/them) coming at you with an ic blog for Vash the Stampede, specifically pulling from Trigun Stampede.

icons are by ponponpon

the rules are as follows:

I reserve the right to curate my blog experience how I see fit. Not following, softblocking, and hardblocking characters based off of their specific experiences/affiliations may occur, strictly because it affects my own mental state. This is not a direct affront to any player – I am likely happy to interact with any other character. Furthermore, you are welcome to ask me any questions if you so wish!

ic =/= ooc. vash is a good, well-meaning guy, but it still needs to be said.

i am non-exclusive! i will play with the different versions of a character 20 times over. i love shenanigans!!!!

similarly – please lmk if you’re not comfortable with me following you, or feel free to soft-block!

If you follow me and i’m slow to interact/follow back/acknowledge something you’ve done, it’s most likely because I’m waiting to check your ooc and rules page. If it’s not automatically accessible from a mobile page, I have to wait until I’m home on my computer. This is just me trying to be careful and respect your boundaries.

I will soft block you if you’re under 18. If you follow me again, I will hard block, no questions asked. There will be adult content and I will not be held responsible for exposing a minor to that.

ic =/= ooc

Racism, sexism, homo/trans/aphobia will not be tolerated.

Drama mongering and pot stirring will not be tolerated. While I understand a need to expose toxicity and harmful behaviors such as those listed above, in-fighting, gossip, or needless hate will find itself gone from my dash.

I don’t have any major DNIs aside from those above.

But if you have questions/concerns about the people I’ve talked to, behavior I’ve been apart of in the past or anything else that might be bothering you, please don’t hesitate to drop me a message. While it isn’t anyone’s job to educate me, I would appreciate knowing about things I’ve done to hurt others.

[thehealingsystem]

was just going to comment but I figured this deserved a more in depth response. so now I ask users of tumblr to STOP MAKING POLLS LIKE THIS

for warning there is rampant aphobia in the notes, as expected but really fucking sad because I thought most of our community moved past this shit. but apparently not

asexual and aromanticism is inherently part of the lgbtq+ community. no ifs ands or buts. not on the condition of being queer in some other way, not on the condition of how much oppression they experience. and from reading the comments, people need some reminders

gatekeeping who is "lgbt enough" based on how badly a group is oppressed is bullshit. first off, a bunch of you obviously haven't read into any discussions or research on aspec folks and the experiences they've had with this. because I can assure you that we ALSO are on the receiving end of the harm from heteronormative views of society and having our orientations questioned, criticized, and rejected. just because you refuse to even LOOK at what aspecs are saying about their own lives and don't experience that yourself doesn't mean you can completely deny that we aren't oppressed.

and to be fair, I am queer in other ways and being aspec isn't the most important part of my identity for me BECAUSE I've been a lot more hurt for those other parts, such as being lesbian or being trans. but I obviously don't speak for the entire community

but secondly, it's not the best thing in the world to base whether or not someone is allowed in the Exclusive Minority Group around how badly they've been hurt. this has been done to hell and back and has shown to only be harmful. transmedicalism bases itself off of this, and I see it in a lot of transmeds to this day. that they're hurt and suffering due to being trans, therefore anyone else who is trans has to be hurt and suffering too or else they're not REALLY trans. Not REALLY a part of the group. Because if they're not oppressed enough obviously they don't belong here right? literally the logic people are putting in the comments right now

And by god, people NEED to get normal about alloaros. if a guy doesn't experience romantic attraction and is just sexually attracted to women, that is it. he cannot choose his orientation. he can't change anything about who or who he isn't attracted to

seriously there's replies saying with their full chest that he's just trying to distance himself from women while still being sexually active with them in order to use it as a scapegoat for his misogyny. which also shows that we still see asexual and aromanticism as an ACTION rather than an actual valid orientation. what the hell do you want this hypothetical man to do??? suddenly gain romantic feelings??? pft

so many have problems with split attraction for so many reasons that go straight into basic plain old queerphobia. towards non-aspec sam and aspec sam alike. that the labels aren't valid and we would just use something else, to that no one can actually have attraction like that because romantic and sexual attraction are always the same definitely (/sar), our labels are useless and there's no point in them, we're trying to invade some sort of community, that we're literal predators and trying to make people attracted to us, the list goes on and on

please stop giving these people a platform to spout their queerphobia. I've seen so many polls like this asking questions of whether they think xyz identity is valid, and while I may have let loose with the contradictory identities one bc it was mostly positive and I just wanted to express pride in it, there's so many that go all wrong, asked in bad faith meant to bring out hateful discourse

this is a poll with 15980+ votes so far with 4746+ voting no. are you kidding me. aphobia? in our year 2023, nearly 2024? literally just stop already

[aphobicplacesscale]

....

So I read your criteria, and I noticed something...

I almost never mean to be aphobic, in fact I honestly seem to be an angled loveless aroace (I experience platonic and sexual attraction (? Not really attraction but libedo) more) but I often use the word love

Likely due to the fact that

1. Allos seem to do that, partially doing it to fit in

2. I have slight bullying / social exclusion trauma thanks to being neurodivergent. And if I say 'I respect you' or 'I care for you' or something else more similar to my true experience, it feels slightly passive aggressive which I do not mean at all

Usually, when I use any labels for relationships, I mean like, the level below

So, what do I do to make my personal blog more aspec friendly ? /gen

Cool question!

Not easy, but surely really interesting.

Using the word love is not straight-up aphobic. It isn't a "wrong" or "bad" word in any way.

Love is a difficult concept, and the definition varies from one person to another, so what may trigger somebody may be perfectly fine for someone else.

I personally prefer not using it (or putting an alternative wording near), but it is mainly due to my pettiness, my wish to be as inclusive as I can, and the fact that sometimes it bugs me to read/think about it. But this is my thought, and it's based on my personal relationship with the concept of love in our society. It can be different for other people. (It probably is).

You don't have to act like an allo person to fit in: if something makes you uncomfortable, they will respect you. Otherwise, they're probably not the group of persons you will want to fit in.

You can have really valid reasons to use the word, and nobody can tell you that your feelings and your sensibility on this matter are wrong. Just pay attention to other people, too.

The "I love you"s aren't what makes a blog aphobic.

If you think you could support the aspec community more, here are some suggestions. Obviously, those are only a few, but they can be valid point from which you can start. (Is it that obvious I really enjoy lists?)

Aspec related posts! If you see a cool art, an interesting discussion, a rant you can understand and relate to (or one you can't, but you still want to support them), an informational post about a label not well known, even just some random "aspec people are valid" post, reblog them! (Every time I'm randomly scrolling and I see one of those, it warms my heart!)

Trigger warnings tags. To tag things properly is important, but, often, people forget tws for things like romance, sex mention, or aphobia. I find them quite useful, and probably romance/sex repulsed people do too.

No aphobia. Seems obvious, but pay attention that none of your posts contain messages that can be offensive for aspec people. This includes but is not limited to: "love is all that matters"/"love is love" signs; exclusionists (people who don't belive aspecs are part of the lgbtqia+ community) posts; posts that say that a certain label under the aspec umbrella doesn't exist; and every other message that invalidates our experiences and feelings.

Another pretty obvious one, not strictly related to the blog as it works irl, too, do not invalidate aspec people's experiences. This includes fictional characters.

Be open to dialogue: if somebody tells you something is making them uncomfortable, or that you could do something better,be open to changes and constructive criticism.

This is pretty much all I can think of right now. Those are general points that are always useful to keep in mind, but, obviously, there can be more.

I hope this is at least a little bit interesting and helpful.

If I said something wrong, feel free to correct me!

[midnight-fox-boy]

🌕Pinned Post (for now)🌕

Posted: 9/11/24

You can call me Midnight. I'm a 24 year old nonbinary trans guy who exclusively uses he/him pronouns. In general I primarily enjoy masculine-coded language more than neutral or feminine. That being said I don't mind a lot of "soft" terms like cute or boy so long as it's not coming from a place of disrespect.

I'm gay, demisexual/Romantic, and greyplatonic. My "gayness" pretty much means (very much simplified) "a lot of men and nonbinary people (terms and conditions apply)". To make a long story short, I apparently have a habit of dating "men" who come out as nonbinary so 😂. I do not feel that any other term truly feels like "me".

I've been out for nearly 9 years now (wild).

On testosterone for more than half that time total (in not mathing that)

I have chronic pain, consider myself disabled, have ADHD, OSDD, amongst other "issues".

My stances kind of show through my DNI and things I post but if there's any confusion or you're worried, I always accept good faith questions in that regard. If you're not sure if you're stepping on my DNI OR if you're not sure If I fit into your DNI or not, feel free to ask and I'll respectfully answer.

That being said, I don't necessarily feel the need to defend or justify myself for a lot of these. Anything I don't want to answer will just get deleted.

DNI below the cut:

*bigots of any kind: racism, ableism, bi/panphobes, transphobia, anti m-spec gays/lesbians or nonbinary gays/lesbians, aphobia, etc.

*endos. Pro-endo OSDDID systems that are going to give me grief about this (if you just wanna vibe idc), I generally don't really care about other OSDDID systems' stances on this so long as they don't push it onto others. So yes, y'all Endo neutrals are safe here since Ive noticed not many blogs are inclusive of people who want to stay tf out of it or hold a more neutral stance.

*TransID. I'm not about pretending to be disabled when you're not, that's disgusting, same for race. "trans age" is way different than age regression or even just SFW age play (pretending to be a different age without it being real regression), and that's gross too. Trans species I don't really care about unless you're using it to justify doing disgusting things.

*I don't want to see gross shit. Adults shipping or defending shipping minor characters with adults is wack to me. That's just p3dophilia "lite". (Legit don't even come at me about "it's only romantic!" Also don't even feel the need to defend a 17 y/o with an 18 y/o. Of course I'm not talking about a ONE YEAR age difference)

* pro self harm blogs of any kind. Idk how prevalent they are anymore or if they're called the same thing but for a specific example, "pro-ana" blogs.

* okay I'll probably get hate for this but: non-intersex, BINARY cishets identifying as gay/lesbian. So binary cishet men identifying as lesbians, binary cishet women identifying as gay (in the mlm way). It feels like fetishizing and that's..gross. again, this is not talking about nonbinary, fluid, or intersex individuals.

*people who condone bullying, harassment, and/or space invasion in order to "punish" people for having a different stance.

[ice-and-lightning-a]

Rules

General rp rules apply, like general decency, no godmodding etc. I'm also mutuals only.

Niko (he/they), 30+ yo and will not participate in ooc drama or call-out culture. I'm autistic and also have adhd and mental illness as well as chronic anaemia, all this will, of course, affect my ability to write. My speed will vary.

I'm not a native English speaker.

No smut will be written.

Romantic shipping might happen, but only if there's chemistry and a good relationship between muns. Yanqing will not be romantically shipped with any muse over the age of 16 (or that species version of 16).

Common ships I won't rp: Yanqing/Yunli, Arlan/Asta, Moze/Feixiao, Moze/Jiaoqiu, Moze/Feixiao/Jiaoqiu

Don't assume our muses relationship, besides if they know each other or not in canon. I won't even assume that all Jing Yuans will view Yanqing as his son. So please, don't assume how my muses view your muse.

If I have replied to a thread, it will to 99% certainty be in the thread tracker. So feel free to check the status of threads there. I am very slow though. Sorry.

Things that will usually lead to soft blocking: untagged nakked images, call-out posts, repeated ooc drama posts (not talking daily life venting, but actually tumblr drama shit), breaking my rules.

Things that will lead to being blocked: I see you posting anything hate-fueled ooc, such as aphobia/acephobia, transphobia, Romaphobia/antiziganism etc. This includes posts about hating ALL men (yes cis men included), if I find out you've sent hate or threat to others.

Affiliation/mains/exclusive. Affiliated with, to me, means that my muses are heavily connected with that person's muse(s). Mentioning of that muse usually indicates their version of them. Mains are pretty much the same as affiliated, but not always. To me, mains are the ones I rp with the most and ones I also talk to ooc. Exclusive, I don't do this for a specific muse, but I might do it for relationships. At the moment, the only example is with starlighttrain's Dan Heng and my Arlan who are developing a kind of queerplatonic relationship. My Arlan will not have this kind of close relationship with any other Dan Heng.

Rules might come to change with time. I'll make an announcement if that happens.

[feathered-reefs]

:/ and it happens outside of the comunity too.

I couldn't even name how many times I've heard preachers and acquintances and strangers and my own mother demonice and ridicule aces.

Concervative cristians act as if any remotely sexual atraction outside marriage (and sometimes even inside of it) is a sin but will also demonice and call liars all those who don't feel any of it.

They don't even know what most of the terms mean! They don't give a shit about "loving" or "understanding" or "saving" anyone, they adore using their oh-so-beloved bibles to judge and hurt anything and anyone that doesn't fit in their perfect world view. Aphobia is real, very real and it can scalate to the same level of physical and physcological abuse than other parts of the comunity experience. The LGBTQ+ comunity is supposed to be for those who aren't either cis or hetero, for all those who don't fit in society's perfect squares of either gender or sexuality and aces' lack of atraction and all the presure and discrimination that DOES come with it makes them, makes us just as worthy of belonging to the suporting group that the comunity was made to be.If you don't think there's Aphobia out there and that aces don't face exclusion or discrimination then that's simply because you haven't experimented it personally and while I know that this may come as a shook to you, let me tell you; your experiences aren't universal and that you haven't felt someone's pain does not make it any less real or important.

"aphobia doesn't exist"

bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it

[anaspecsideblog]

I suspect my sister is arospec but possibly closer to alloro than I am and the attraction she does experience is exclusively toward boys (well, she’s an adult now, so, men) and I think she thinks of being arospec as this thing that defined me because it was so so rare for me (only one for sure crush from me) but like she has said out loud to me she’s not sure if any of her crushes were real! So she’s arguably more aro than I am!

And like I think it’s just not a big deal to her and she maybe doesn’t want to deal with aphobia from our mom the way I did but I just hope she knows she’d be so welcome in the community if she wanted to be and it would real cool if she embraced that being part of who she is, at least to me.

I also suspect she might be a flavor of alloaro and exclusively sexually into boys and that’s why shit is confusing to her. I was more aroace when we were growing up. Alloaros are so incredibly marginalized. She’s supposed to be straight in her head. Maybe she was sexually into the boys she dated and then broke up with because she realized she did not like them like that—that’s how she put it every time, she got bored, she wasn’t in love with them, they asked her and she said yes and then she realized she wanted out but didn’t really know how to do it for like MONTHS before ripping the band aid off.

I dunno, maybe I’m projecting and she really is just straight and not that interested in dating or she dated shitty guys in high school or whatever but like. I’m so convinced my sister could identify as arospec based on her telling me her experience and whenever I point this out she’s like “never mind, I like boys, never mind I just told you I’m not sure I’ve ever had a crush, I’m straight, im just not sure I’ve ever had a crush” sweetie you mean you’re aro and heterosexual?

She’s also never told me about a boyfriend or any partner at all in college but we don’t talk much or maybe she just hasn’t gotten together with anyone but is still alloro.

And like if she just doesn’t need the feel to label this it’s cool I just think we’re more similar than she thinks

[ocpdzim]

i want to come out so badly and i think it would be nice to do it during or directly before this year’s pride festival so i can actually get pride stuff there but i do not feel remotely confident in my ability to come out right now

[nothorses]

transandrophobia discourse IS the exact same as ace discourse but not like you seem to think. Just like allosexual LGBT+ people had trouble accepting they oppress aces, transmascs have such trouble acknowledging they oppress trans women. Many LGBT+ people simply have issues admitting they might have privilege over others in the community despite being oppressed! You have a lot more in common with the ace exclus than you want to admit

oh you're so right, remember when aces came up with "acephobia" and then everyone else totally copied and undermined them by creating other words like "biphobia", "lesbophobia", etc., implying that they did not oppress aces?

remember when aces got super mad about those words and told everyone to stop using them forever because having multiple words to describe unique forms of & experiences with oppression among different groups of queer people cancels all the words out?

remember when aros coned "arophobia"/"amanormativity" exclusively because they hated aces, and not at all to describe their unique experiences within aphobia as a larger umbrella?

as someone who dealt with multiple years worth of very targeted harassment from ace exclusionists during the ace discourse, for speaking up on the side of inclusion:

you sound like a fucking clown.

one of the primary arguments against including aces in the queer community was that the oppression they faced- "acephobia" (or more broadly "aphobia", to include aros)- could not be real, because it implied other queer people oppressed a-spec folks, and were never in turn oppressed by a-specs.

to which the a-spec community responded: no, you fucking dweebs, it means a-specs have unique experiences with oppression on the basis of our unique identities. there is no reason this word needs to negate any other words for unique experiences with oppression within the queer community; all of these things can, and do, happen at once.

it's extremely obvious that you have no fucking clue what "transandrophobia" means, and honestly? that's super embarrassing for you.

[eulangelo]

callout for @genderfluidlucifer

google docs

tw for transmisogyny + TERFs + emotional manipulation

Transmisogyny

Lucifer is a huge transmisogynist who will complain 24/7 about how TERFs hurt the ace community, but the moment @randomclustermissile , a trans girl (who is not an exclusionist at all) tries to point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles (in the most vague and general way possible, without pointing fingers nor calling anyone names) Lucifer will immediatly jump to block her and so they did with me (another inclusionist) and i have to suppose to everyone else who agreed with that post, even arriving to vagueing about us in private group chats to suggest that we were “sympathizing with exclusionists”. all because we dared point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles. lucifer is TME but apparently they think they’re the authority on TERFs and their talking points but actual trans women are not, according to them, since this is the stuff that they would go and spew to other people. (screenshots from @enbyoctoling​)

here’s more examples of Lucifer (again, a transmasc person) going deep in detail about how according to them, TERFs/SWERFs hate aro/ace people and are an active threat to us

1. link

[Image ID: Three screenshots of a post by Genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot is of a paragraph that reads, "Hey. So I can actually answer this. Anon your commentary about how you thought terfs would approve of sex repulsed aces is sort of it. Except...not. Basically terfs hate ace people for not wanting sex in the approved by terfs way. Terfs are actually extremely interested in [forcing] amatonormativity onto everyone. Because for as sex negative as terfs are...they don't want to actually acknowledge or change the fact that amatonormativity is at the root cause of rape culture and misogyny."

The second screenshot is a zoomed in section of the post that reads, "So yeah no I have NO idea where exclus allies are getting this idea from that terfs would even remotely care about the sexual rights of ace people. Terfs generally hate any sexualities in the LGBTQ+ acronym that aren't LGB because they can't force a gender binary onto those sexualities. At least, not as easily. That's why it's actually a massive sign of someone who doesn't call themselves a terf being a crypto terf if they use the term LGB in a positive manner. Along with the term SGA, as it is deliberately exclusive of nonbinary and not inherently SGA centric queer-aligned sexualities. /END ID]

link to the full post, these are just excerpts but the whole thing is just a very long rant about how TERFs hate ace people and so on (i think it’s worth noticing that although the actual post is kinda long, trans women are never once brought op in a conversation about TERFs issues and the only time transmisogyny is mentioned is not relevant to the conversation)

2. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is nothorses. It reads, "Because apparently I have to say it: Testosterone is not a 'violent' hormone. It doesn't make you 'more aggressive' or a worse person, it doesn't make you 'dangerous,' or 'toxic.' Transmascs do not need to be 'warned of the dangers of T.' We do not need to spend our transitions terrified that we're going to become a danger to those around us - that HRT is going to turn us into a monster.

Everyone experiences mood swings during hormonal shifts (pregnancy, menstruation, menopause, estrogen HRT, etc.) and while you might have grumpy moments or feel anger/frustration that you need to learn to handle differently, that doesn't make you a bad person.

Testosterone can change the way you access/process emotions somewhat, but if you're already thoughtful about how you handle your feelings and treat others, you're going to be fine. It's normal to lash out on occasion, by accident, then apologize and work to do better. It doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone on HRT is prone to this, and everyone experiencing hormonal changes is prone to this.

Getting HRT should be positive and affirming; you should not have to spend your entire transition terrified of becoming a monster."

The post then has a reblog by captainlordauditor that reads, "The big danger of T is that needle ouchy." /END ID]

here’s them reblogging from known transmisogynist user @nothorses (once again, the irony that a post about how testosterone is seen as the "aggressive hormone" does not mention transfem at all which are literally the main victims of this rethoric in the first place)

3. link (1), link (2)

[Image ID: Two screenshots of posts by genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot reads, "Queer exclus: We're not repackaging terf rhetoric! Saying that is transmisogynistic! Also queer exclus: Remove the plus from LGBT!" and has tags that say, "I will pay these people to grow some god damn self awareness. Imagine being this dense. Queer discourse." The post has 15 notes.

The second screenshot reads, "Honestly it is so stupid and frustrating to see ace exclus continue to deny that the ace discourse was started by terfs. Proof was given countless times. And a big name terf like galesofnovember even admitted to starting it. Those of you who demand proof but ignore all of this never wanted proof to begin with." and is tagged with, "ace discourse. The post has 38 notes. /END ID]

heres another two post of theirs conflating TERFs with ace exclusionism

4. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblogged post by furbearingbrick. The original poster is boxlizard, Lucifer's old account. The original post reads, "By the way for people still in denial about it, here's galesofnovember, a terf, admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement. She's taking credit for it. Normally if the victims of this behavior weren't ace/aro or other queer identities y'all be ready to rightfully lynch her. But since it's us, y'all just still wanna stamp your feet and go, 'Nuh uh!' instead of acknowledging facts." The part that says, "admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement" is a link to a galesofnovember post.

There is then a reblogged addition from furbearing brick that reads, "archived versions of the receipts" and has two links to the webarchive. The tags read, "Bringing this back since it's apparently still relevant. Terfism mention. Aphobia mention. Queerphobia mention. Blocklist." and has 1,455 notes. /END ID]

this is their post that ive already talked about but basically they found a 52 notes post made by a TERF in 2012 and this one person said "i dont know why i dont get to be the princess of the anti-ace-brigade" and apparently they are convinced that this means TERFs started the ace exclusionism movement and that this is one of their goals. which is insane when TERFs in real life only care about making life miserable for transfem people first and foremost.

5.link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is yu-gay-fudo. It reads, “Just in case you happen to be unaware, some of the “radfem lite” they post to warm you up to their rhetoric, just off the top of my head:

- Ace/aro exclusionism

- Bi exclusionism or claims that bi people are “less queer” bc of “straight passive privilege”

- Saying you have to be dysphoric to identify as transInvalidating nonbinary people

- Calling queer a slur regardless of context, saying people can’t identify as queer, and saying that it can’t be reclaimed

- “Mogai hell”, “kweer”, or otherwise mocking less common labels and claiming they are “just cishets who want to feel special”

- Excluding sex workers from feminist discussions or claiming that sex work is inherently evil

- Basically anyone who thinks they can determine what other people identify as”. The tags read, "queerphobia tw. twerfs tw. no id." and has 70,727 notes. It was reblogged on March 22nd, 2021 /END ID]

another example of conflating radfems to things that, while wrong, have little to nothing to do with them because being a radfem, again, is something very specific that has all to do with transfem oppression.

Emotional manipulation

Lucifer has done nothing but block, break boundaries, spread lies and vague about people, some of which were even mutuals with them knowing they would see the posts. when confronted about it Lucifer's only answer was "just say you hate me and block me" but they actually ended up blocking everyone first, making it impossible for anyone to set some boundaries with them or even just to calmly confront them about anything.

[proof: Io(popncourse) and Lucifer had a disagreement in a shared discord server, which prompted Lucifer to vague Io in a vent post. Io confronted them, as being vagued is one of buns triggers, to which Lucifer initially agreed to delete the vent post, but then proceeded to victimize themself and immediatly blocked Io. later on, Jude(malewifedeckard) was confronted by Lucifer, then after Jude told them “I’m worried that you’ll vague me just like you did with Io” they proceeded to block Jude and vagued about him too. when Io made a post (which was not a callout, it was just bun setting buns boundaries) explaining what Lucifer did, Lucifer immediatly jumped to victimize themself, acting like they were being called out and straight-up lying, even going so far as to say that no one tried to hear them out, which is a blatant lie if you consider the aforementioned Io and Jude’s attempts at doing so, with Lucifer immediatly blocking and cutting ties with the both of them. ] 

(screenshots taken by @popncourse and @malewifedeckard)

as seen in the proof above Lucifer’s behaviour is not ok because they don’t accept any kind of confrontation and immediatly jump to blocking, and after blocking, they'd immediatly go and vague about the people who confronted them pacificly, spreading more lies and painting themself as the victim and even arriving to say “no one hears me out at all” which is simply not something you can say when you block people who are trying to hear you out in the first place.

this is by no means an invitation to go and harass them, send them hate or anything like that. i absolutely don’t want anything even remotely hateful or negative to be sent their way after this post. 

this post was only made because:

1. as an ace person who fully supports the inclusion of aspec identities in the lgbt+ community i don’t want to support an enviroment that costantly downplays transmisogynistic oppression in order to be taken seriously. there are hundreds of ways to make aspec activism without acting like we(as in TME aspecs)are the victims of a system that seeks for the annihilation of transfemenine people in real life everyday. i especially don’t want to support TME individuals who act transfem-friendly but then block any transfem who tries to speak on transmisogyny without a second thought.

2. Lucifer’s behaviour has hurt two friends of mine and i don’t want to associate with someone who actively breaks people’s boundaries without taking accountability when messing up.

3. i cannot associate with someone who spreads lies about me accusing me of sympathizing with exclusionists all while having me blocked so that i can’t see it nor defend me. they complain about people not hearing them out but they’re the very first person who does not try to hear people out, and instead jumps to spread baseless rumors. this is not someone i can nor want to associate with. 

(image descriptions provided by @malewifedeckard)

[wolf-queer-discourse]

Adventures in Aphobia #1

So I was scrolling through Tumblr the other day (a regrettable mistake as always), and I had the great pleasure of seeing this joyous post.

*deep breath*

Not gonna lie, posts like this make me real pissed. Pissed because the person who posted this exists in a space where they feel comfortable enough to post this online. Pissed because these posts are so common and often face little backlash. And pissed because there’s nothing better than allosexuals condescendingly explaining to asexual people why they’re dirty attention whores who invent their own oppression. Ace people deserve to be defended against this horseshit. Young people see these posts, and it’s extremely damaging to have your identity be nothing more than fuel for people in discourse to mock you and demand you bled in order for them to notice your pain.

Anger aside, many people do not see why this post is wrong, so why is it? Let’s unpack this clusterfuck of bigotry:

“would love to see substantive evidence of systematic “aphobia” that isn’t actually just misogyny, toxic masculinity, or rpe culture.”

God damn, we are not mincing our words here XD. A few things: systematic in bold, which tells you if you do not make a blood sacrifice on the altar of queer pain you will not be taken seriously. Potential nitpick, but systemic and systematic are not the same thing. I believe systemic is the word they’re looking for. Systematic implies a lot more intentionality that can be hard to prove. Systemic merely means that systems, in their current state, do aphobic things, which they absolutely do.

“Aphobia” in quotes is absolutely rich. Not only will this person refuse to acknowledge systemic aphobia, which is only one type, but this poster casts clear doubt upon the mere concept of aphobia in and of itself. We love to see it.

There’s a lot to unpack here. The statement, as clearly condescending as intended, is sort of correct, though it doesn’t mean a whole lot. Systemic oppression is about the systems in a society (government, healthcare, etc) discriminating against people. Systemic oppression is not bigotry faced on a person-to-person level. In short, systematic oppression is something a person experiences in their overall life, while personal discrimination is experienced on a personal level by people who are not singularly in control of the systems. This post boils down the negative comments ace people face into being called “weird”, which is an understatement for sure, but calling a gay person weird isn’t systemic oppression either.

It’s still bad and discriminatory.

This is such a snotty way to dismiss aphobia as some mere, insignificant comment with no meaning as if it doesn’t reinforce society’s painful aphobic views in the same way casual homophobic comments reinforce heteronormativity and society’s hostility toward gay people.

Ace people face discrimination in healthcare, most notably, which is systemic discrimination, but the systemic discrimination of asexuals really ought to be its own post if I’m to nosedive into it. Even if ace people faced no systemic discrimination, it wouldn’t make this point anymore correct. Discrimination is a perfectly valid reason to feel disregarded by society, and often only ace people are denied the right to feel this way and are instead gaslit into admitting what they face is no big deal and they’re just making it up for attention.

The experience of being pressured to have sex when you’re allo vs ace is very different. The vast majority of allo people do not plan to be celibate their whole lives. Many ace people do not want to have sex, ever. “Waiting for sex” in much of western society and in Christianity is seen as pure and honorable. Yet being asexual and never wanting sex is seen as a deviant disorder and people are accused of robbing their partner of sex forever.

There’s really a specific flavor of sexual pressure that is unique to ace people. Sex being to “fix” someone or because they “just need to try it”.

In this respect, aphobic sexual pressure is better compared to that faced by gay people and lesbians. Lesbians especially often can face this same struggle, men pressuring them to have sex because they think lesbians just need to “try it” or to “fix them”. I can imagine this poster would have no issue acknowledging lesbophobia being the root of lesbians coerced into sex with men, yet she does not give ace people the same.

Imagine if someone said (and knowing our fucked world, someone probably has): “Lesbophobia doesn’t exist. It’s just misogyny. Straight women are coerced into sex too!”

It’d be pathetic bullshit. Toxic masculinity, misogyny and many other issues can all tangle into combined messes with other forms of bigotry. Lesbophobia is an experience that deserves to be recognized apart from misogyny, even if the two are linked. Please stop erasing ace people’s experiences with this when it’s not the same thing.

Honestly, though, this post, as trashy as it is, if anything, is perhaps, really asking: Is there any type of aphobic experience that’s inherently exclusive to ace people?

I still wager to go say, yes, yes there is, but I must make an important point first:

Most experiences of queer discrimination are not limited to queer people.

Homophobia and transphobia are both experienced by cishets in certain instances. Feminine straight men can be victims of homophobic harassment. This does not disprove the fact that it’s homophobia just because a straight man is the victim of it. A tall cis woman with broad shoulders and a lower voice may be the victim of transphobic remarks or comments. The basis of these comments is rooted in transphobia, however, so the fact that the victim is cis does not erase the transphobia.

People who argue that experiences ace people complain about can be experienced by allosexuals are not poking a legitimate hole in doing this. Certain experiences related to aphobia can and are experienced by allosexuals. If you do not acknowledge this, then homophobia and transphobia aren’t real because cishet people have sometimes experienced them.

Despite cishets sometimes experiencing queerphobia, most of us acknowledge that their experience of that bigotry, however unfortunate, is not the same as that experienced by actual queer people. It’d be quite homophobic for a feminine straight man to claim he knew just as much about the gay experience as an actual gay man. Similarly, when allosexual people relate experiences that were rooted in aphobia, it’s overstepping a line when they claim asexual discrimination isn’t real because they experienced elements of it too.

Cishet (cishet including allosexuals) people do not experience their doctors telling them their sexuality might be a disorder or caused by trauma. Allo queer people can experience this with their sexualities too.

“using sex appeal to sell products is misogyny, it is not engineered to gross sex-repulsed people, it is meant to objectify women.”

This is a strawman thinner than my last nerve. Uh, what? What ace people are you seeing that literally think sex appeal was engineered to gross-out sex-repulsed people?? I don’t think this is a core argument??

Yes, sex-repulsed ace people sometimes complain about sex appeal in media being uncomfortable. But that’s it. Every time an ace person shares a discomfort of theirs doesn’t mean it’s the entire basis of their oppression. For the love of God, let ace people discuss their experiences without being blow-torched over not being oppressed enough with an individual discomfort. 

BONUS ROUND

(This was in the tags)

“Completely vilifies celibate individuals” 

...no…? What…? Huh…? 

The most charitable interpretation of this vague accusation is that the poster means celibate people face aphobia as well, due to not wanting to have sex. I have no idea how this “vilifies” anyone, but that aside, as said before: people who are not queer can face aphobia. Also worth noting that society treats celibate people way better than ace people, which is really another example of aphobia. Celibate people can be told they’re missing out (which could be at very least related to aphobic ideals), but they’re rarely called broken. Celibacy is seen more as a respected, controlled ideal in allo people, but when ace people want to do it, they’re just mentally ill.

Anyway, the post was aphobic trash, and it needs to be debunked more often. Mocking ace people online is not a good look anymore, guys. Don't be ugly.