#and no there will be no debate <3 argue with ur mom

[niymue]

[slvthrs]

ALL THE THINGS WE MEANT TO SAY | vinnie hacker

— MINORS PLEASE FUCK OFF FOR UR OWN GOOD —

one stupid red hoodie makes it impossible for you to do anything and the only thing you can do is try to give it back

OLD BSF!VINNIE X FEM!READER

WARNINGS: NSFW CONTENT MINORS DNI, ANGSTY, + some fluff, sex, making out, grinding, oral (f receiving) praise kink, cheating, they're both not the best people but they're in love

word count: 4.7k <3

This dumb fucking hoodie.

I don’t know what to do with it. 

I’ve had it for a week now and it’s been sitting on my desk, folded perfectly and untouched.  The red on it is slightly faded and cat hair covers it instead of dog now but it still is the same crewneck that I loved on Vinnie and the same one I would wear every time I slept over at his.

But now I can’t even touch it. It smelt like him, it felt like him, it was just so Vinnie and it was too much for me.

3 days I spent trying to just ignore it despite everything my friends said, also trying to ignore Vinnie’s calls and texts.

And now I’ve spent 2 hours on a call with my best friend, Bowie, debating what to do with that stupid hoodie.

“I swear to god just get rid of it, burn it, rip it to shreds I don’t know babe just do something to get rid of it.” Bowie argues

She’s always been better at relationships than me. To the point that she and her girlfriend were planning for their one year anniversary in 2 weeks while I was her worried about a boy I haven’t seen in years.

“I can’t get rid of it, Bow.” I sigh

“Oh c’mon! Vinnie slept with you and literally RAN away the next day and refused to talk to you for 3 years, PLUS he has a girlfriend… you know you deserve better!”

“I know, you're right but I just can’t Bowie, I’m sorry.”

“Why,” She exclaims, “What is so special about this stupid hoodie and Vinnie?”

…

“I actually think I’m gonna die, Mom please hurry up.” I sigh, clutching my stomach.

We’ve been on the road for 5 hours now and we haven’t taken a single bathroom brake since we couldn’t spot a gas station but my bladder was screaming at me

“You're so dramatic, y'know that right?” Vinnie quips from the seat next to me causing me to throw my bag at his chest.

He’s sitting with his headphones in, playing some game on his console with the light from the window shining on the side of his face illuminating his side profile so perfectly. 

The pain in my stomach doesn’t stop and I bend forward resting my head against the seat in front of me with my hands holding my stomach tight.

I feel a hand rubbing on my back and I realize it’s Vinnie trying to help and then suddenly I feel a sharp pain in my stomach and everything just clicks.

I’m on my fucking period. 

“Mom,” I say, my voice hoarse. “Please tell me you found a bathroom, I’m pretty sure I just got my goddamn period.”

She tries to reassure me and turns into a parking lot while Vinnie keeps rubbing my back and offers me food to which I throw it at his face.

We finally get to a run down bath station which I run into with everything I need and I’m able to clean up but there's still a huge stain in my pants and for some reason I feel tears well up in my eyes and I just sit on the point seat for about 5 minutes until I finally force myself to wipe my tears and get up.

I walk back to the car but I hear a voice shouting at me from behind.

“Hey wait up!” It’s Vinnies, he’s holding a bag with snacks and a hoodie in his right hand, leaving the shop nearby. 

“Take this, it’ll cover your pants up, plus it’s a Washington sweatshirt, and your favorite color!”

It’s a pretty red with white letters spelling out our state. It’s too big for me, most probably Vinnie’s size. 

It’s cute. 

He helps me wrap the sweatshirt around my waist and walks with my back to the car right next to me.

We settle back into our seats and thank god that no blood spilled onto the car seat.

With all the bags and the fact that we were in the back with the rest of our families in the front plus Vinnie basically grew a foot over the year, we were crammed together in the back seats with our legs hitting the others and our shoulders touching.

I end up plugging my headphones in and listening to music while staring outside the window, looking at the trees and the sky trying to take in nature but not even 30 minutes in and my stomach hurts again.

I try to hold it but Vinnie realizes and dumps the plastic bag of all the stuff he brought on my lap.

I look into it and I see chocolate, all my favorite candy and snacks, bottles of my favorite soda and medicine in there. 

He didn’t buy anything for himself, he only bought stuff for me.

“Thank you Vin.” But my voice comes out no louder than a whisper.

“Eh, don't sweat it, you're awful on your period.” He laughs and I punch him in the shoulder.

“Asshole.” I mutter.

I end up falling asleep with my head on his shoulder listening to Ivy by Frank Ocean.

I never forgot that roadtrip; it was 2 years before Vinnie left for LA.

…

“You just don’t get it Bow, I can’t get rid of it!” I reiterate.

The phone call goes silent as I droop against my head board sighing. 

My eyes roam back to the hoodie again.

I should give it back to him.

“What if I give it back to him?” I mutter to Bowie

“Babe no,” She continues, “You're using this as an excuse to go see him and it’s not gonna end up well.”

“But Bow-” I try to reason with her but she cuts me off.

“C’mon, we both know you shouldn’t go see him.” 

“I know, I know. I’ll call you tomorrow; Love you.” I tell her

“I love you too, get some rest.” And she ends the call

I lay down on my bed staring back up at the ceiling. 

Bowie is right, I’m just trying to make an excuse to see Vinnie and he probably doesn’t even want the hoodie back.

My mind goes blank as I stare up at the wall.

Bowie is right.

But I rarely ever do what’s right.

I get up and grab the hoodie, the bag it came with along with my phone and car keys and walk down to the parking lot and before I realize it I’m punching in the code to Vinnie’s house I got from Harvey into the GPS and driving off.

The road is wet from the rain which happens once in a blue moon and there is a surprisingly few number of cars on the road for this city but I try to look at that as a positive.

I try to put some music on and it auto plays to ‘White Ferrari’ by Frank Ocean and suddenly I remember this is an awful idea.

What if he’s home with Allison?

What if he doesn’t wanna see me?

What if he refuses to take the hoodie back?

What if I make a fool of myself?

Panic racks up in my brain and thousands of ‘what ifs’ terrify me. Just the thought of Vinnie not wanting to see me makes me wanna drive my car off a bridge but I try to push every negative thought away.

I skip the next few songs until my phone lands on “Black Beauty” by Lana Del Rey. 

Every single day after Vinnie got his license we would blast this song, screaming the lyrics and staying out until our parents would call us home.

He loved to drive and I loved just sitting there in his presence, not even talking just being there with each other, it was our favorite thing to do together.

Now I have to drive myself everywhere in a black Honda Civic. 

…

“This car is actually fucked you don’t get it like everything about it is broke what the hell did my dad make me fix this shit? I fucking hate Hondas.” Vinnie whines, he loves fixing cars but still always drags me to sit there and watch him do it whilst I text my friends.

The dust and oil lay cover his face whilst he sits there with black gloves and poking and prodding under the hood of the car.

“Oh c’mon are you even listening to me?” 

“Yes yes I promise! And why don’t you just tell your dad you can’t fix this car?” I tilt my head to the side practically begging to finish this up.

“No, I’m gonna finish this and then we’re going out for ice cream.” He says with his chest puffed like it’s an amazing, unthinkable plan.

“Whatever Hacker, at least this car is cool.” I say sliding my hand across the shine of the black.

“It’s not. You just like every black car.” He shrugs but he’s right, I love black cars.

“Hey when we grow up I’ll buy you a black JDM so we can match.” He huff’s and I can feel a smile tugging the corners of my lips.

“We both know I’ll be the one making enough money to buy a car.” 

“Whatever, as long as I get to drive you around in it.” He replies

I smile to myself imagining Vinnie and I when we were old still doing the same things we did as kids, driving and smoking until the sun comes up.

A familiar feeling in my stomach rises as we return to doing our own thing and I return to texting on my phone.

“Who have you been texting so much anyways?” He asks about 10 minutes putting some random tool down and picking up another

“No one Vin, it’s just that guy from that skate shop, he’s actually kinda cool I think you would like him!”

“Oh.” He replies in that voice he gets when he tries to not get mad

“Yeah! He asked me to go on a date with him to a skatepark.” I reply beaming.

“You're joking right? I ask you to go every week but you never do,” He reminds me whilst twisting something inside the car, “ But you’ll go with the sketchy guy from a skate park who always smells like weed and let me remind you, I’m literally a better skater than he is!”

“Dude it’s not that serious it’s just some dumb date!” I raise my voice at him but I don’t even understand why

“Fuck fine whatever just don’t come back crying when the date goes horribly with that guy.” He retorts staring dagger in my direction

“Whatever, I'm not gonna come back crying and you're just being a dick cause no one wants to go out with you.” I walk off when I finish leaving Vinnie in his dad’s garage.

Vinnie was right however, the date went terribly that night. He picked me up an hour late and all we did was smoke and walk around and when I wanted to leave he got pissed I didn’t hook up with him.

I ended up walking by foot to Vinnie’s house and ended up spending the rest of the evening crying into Vinnie’s familiar red Washington crewneck.

That was 3 weeks before Vinnie left for LA.

…

The drive feels like it’s going so slow. 

My mind is so scattered that I keep zoning out until the robotic voice of the GPS snaps me out of my self induced trance. 

The closer I get to Vinnie’s house the harder it gets to breathe and the more my mind keeps disassociating. 

My eye’s keep getting foggy and I start getting scared that I shouldn’t be driving in this condition.

I run my hands through my hair, pulling at the roots.

It’s dry, I need to put oil in it.

I watch as the lights flash from red to green and watch as the trees sway due to the rain, watching stray’s scatter across the road’s and how my windshield wipers turn from one side to another trying to flick all the water droplets off.

The more breaths I take, the shallower they get before I finally decide to pull over on the side of the road.

My head falls against the wheel as I try to relax, forcing myself to take slow deep breaths, in through my nose and out of my mouth.

But I jolt my head back up as I get a call, grabbing my phone and picking it up, praying it’s not Bowie.

“Hello?” I whisper into my phone

“Jesus, Y/n where the fuck are you?” Vinnie replies back at me

“Vinnie? What the hell are you talking about?” My voice rises

“Outside your house, I’ve been waiting for like 10 minutes, where are you?” I can hear the rain pattering on the other side of the call. 

“Fuck, I have a key under my doormate, I was just…out.” I half-lie.

“Just get here okay?” His voice is softer now and I can hear him unlock my door and walk in, ending the call.

What the fuck.

What is Vinnie doing at my house?

How does he even know where I live?

A thousand questions race through my head as I take my car out of park and turn it to drive back to my house, pressing on the gas and driving as fast as I can. 

I arrive back there in about fifteen minutes and as I pull my car into the parking spot I suddenly become very aware of what I left the house wearing.

It was my black bralette and a pair of low rise sweats and I slammed my head against my wheel again.

I’m not going to see Vinnie in this yet there's nothing in my car to cover me up.

I mentally swear at myself for not thinking ahead enough cause even if I got to Vinnie’s house was I really gonna walk in wearing just a bralette and sweats?

The only thing in this car, besides me, is that red hoodie sitting right next to me, basically taunting me.

The stupid hoodie I tried to ignore for a week, sitting there, being my only option- it was like karma.

I slip the hoodie over my head as the neckline dangles over my shoulder. The sleeves are far too big and threads are coming loose. But one thing is most noticeably different, it’s scent. 

What used to be old Axe body spray mixed with sweat, weed and dog smell, is now Dior cologne, teakwood, with smoke but with something else. 

It’s pretty lavender and the essence of pineapple- Allison’s scent.

He gave our hoodie to her.

The hoodie he gave me he gave her.

I take a second to breathe again, letting the cool air enter my body and try to cool me off in the process.

I get so entranced in the hoodie that I nearly forget I’m supposed inside with Vinnie.

I slip out of the car and ever so slightly push down the handle walking into my own home with heavy steps, far too upset to try to be quiet.

I slip past the shoe rack and through the mirror and art littering my house. 

Barely any lights are on and I can smell coffee from the morning and smoke from earlier in the day as I walk into my living room.

And there he is.

The same guy who left me days after he turned 18, after everything. He’s just sitting on my couch.

His head is tipped back with his hair damp from the rainwater, his legs are spread apart as he has his phone in his right hand whilst his left is fidgeting and picking at the skin surrounding his thumb. It was always his dumb tick that he did when he was stressed and I can’t help but feel worried.

“Vinnie.” I breathe out so desperately it sounds like a prayer

He stands up so fast he nearly loses his balance and he walks over to me in quick, hurried strides as he catches his balance like a baby giraffe running to its mother.

“Fuck I didn’t realise you arrived.” His voice is no louder than mine.

“Why wouldn’t I, Hacker?” His last name is all I can bear to muster to his face, “It is my home isn’t it?”

“That’s not what I meant.” He stops and breathes,”Hey, you're wearing the hoodie.”

A smile bleeds onto his face and a light blush quickly accompanies it.

“Yeah all my other hoodies were in the wash.”

And the smile fades away.

“Oh, of course.” He stops for a second, “But um, where were you?”

“It’s funny actually I was on my way to your house.” I chuckle to myself avoiding eye contact with Vinnie but he doesn't laugh.

He steps closer to me and now he’s towering right above me

“Why were you coming to my house?” He asks, his eyebrows knit together, looking at me confused.

His hands gently pull my chin up so I can look at him and for a second he looks like the same guy I fell in love with for the first time.

But I pull away, it’s not the same. 

It’s never going to be the same again.

“I wanted to give you your hoodie back.” I say looking away from him

“But it’s not mine… I gave it you to keep-” I cut him off

“I don’t care Vinnie, you have a girlfriend, I haven’t seen you in 3 years I didn’t want your stupid hoodie asshole, I wanted you.” 

I say the last part before I realize what I just said with shaky eyes and a stuttered breath.

Everything goes quiet, we don’t say a word, we don’t even move. The only sound in my house is the dripping of my broken sink and the brushing of the plants across the wall.

“Fine.”

“What?” 

“Fine, give me the hoodie. It’s what you wanted to do anyways.”

Is he fucking serious right now?

“Sure whatever.” I grit through my teeth

I pull the plush of the hoodie off letting it settle in my hands before passing it back to Vinnie and then bringing my hands back up to my chest trying to cover myself up.

He takes the hoodies and holds it in his hand whilst his eyes rake over my body, going over the curves, watching as my skin ebbs and flows from my bralette into my sweatpants and as my hair sits, flowing over my shoulder like I’m the prettiest thing in the world.

“Allison.” I spit out like venom, a lot meaner than I intended, trying to catch Vinnie’s attention again.

“Huh?” He asks, his tone bleeding with disinterest

“Your girlfriend… remember?” 

“Right.” Yet he still doesn’t look away from me. 

His eyes rake all over my body watching, trying to memorize everything that has changed over the past 3 years. He’s trying to take everything in.

“You should leave Vin.” I say trying to stay stern

“Sure,” He shrugs off before he snaps out of his trance, “Wait what?”

He’s making this all so hard, I try so hard to ignore the way his gaze makes the hairs at the back of my neck stand up and causes butterflies to erupt in my stomach.

I try to pretend I’m not talking to Vinnie.

“I said you should go Hacker.”

“Wait, why?” He asks with that glint in his eyes.

It’s such a dumb question and we both know the answer to it but Vinnie tries so hard to pretend he doesn’t know why.

“Cause I’m trying to be strong for both of us, Vinnie.”

“Don’t be.” His voice is so quiet as he steps closer to me, his hand resting on my forearm whilst his other one holds on to the hoodie that got me in this circumstance in the first place

It takes me so much strength to not lean into his touch.

“You have a girlfriend.” I breathe out, looking right at him.

“I have a girlfriend.” He repeats but his tone is so much more soothing.

“We’re gonna fuck everything up.” I say and get a familiar feeling of deja vu

“We might fuck everything up,” He stops for a second, “But how could we fuck things up even more?”

He’s right.

This relationship is already doomed.

His eyes flick down to my lips and suddenly my hands are looped around his neck with our lips pressed together, his hands trails down my waist and he grabs both my legs, hooking them around his waist.

Our lips push against each other whilst my hands pull and tug in his hair, they trail down his face and I push them under his shirt.

He swipes his tongue across the bottom of my lip and his grasp on my thighs causing me to moan into the kiss, letting the kiss grow deeper and letting both of us gasping and moaning into each other's mouths, afraid that the moment would end.

We end up falling on to my couch, him towering over placing sweet kisses all over my neck and trailing down farther, trying to make up for the years we spent apart.

The kisses quickly turn into love bits and his roaming hands quickly start taking off the clothes we have on, my bralette falls onto the floor and Vinnie’s shirt is thrown over the armrest.

Gushes of cold air fly through my window and both tighten our grasps on each other in a futile attempt to cool us down, his hips grinding over my cunt and my nails dig into his back to try to get closer to him.

His hips are so unbearably slow whilst his lips are so fast and his hands play a tantalizing game scratching, clawing, and massaging the plush of my skin.

His lips are so chapped but they still feel nice, in between mine as he slipped his tongue in between the warmth of my lips.

I need to buy him chapstick

“Fuck I missed you so much.” He moans into my lips as his hands fall down in between my thighs and his hands slowly undo the knot and pull my pants along with my underwear off leaving my fully exposed under him as he dips his head below.

Faint kisses are placed all over my lower stomach and as they get closer to the inside of my thighs they turn into bites and my airy gasps turn into echoey moans as they bounce around my house coating the walls as my chest heaves up and down and my hands flow along the curves of his shoulder, tracing the muscles there.

“So pretty,” He heaves out, “So so fucking pretty.” His tongue lapped at my cunt, focusing on my clit whilst my eyes rolled to the back of my head.

My legs contorted as my right hand pulled and yanked in his hair whilst my left clawed through his back gaining a hiss from the blonde under me.

It didn’t take long before I came into his mouth with him sucking at my clit and vulgar moans and curse fell through my lips.

He lifted his head up back to see me and I could see the lower side of his face glistening whilst his eyes had darkened with lust to the point the faint brown looked like pools of rich obsidian ink.

He heaved above me before diving back into attacking my neck and lips and my hands returned around his neck.

“Fuck Vinnie,” It slips from my lips whilst his neck is sucking beautiful amethyst marks onto my neck, “God where did you learn how to do that.”

“Oh shut up.” He laughs continuing kissing me all over whilst his finger slowly and tantalizing play with my already swollen cunt.

My hands trail down his chest, feeling my hands go over his muscles reaching to the base of his pants I tug at the belt, whining, asking for permission to take them off.

“Please Vin.”

He laughs, “Please what baby?”

“Fuck me please.” I ask undoing his buckle and try to pull his belt off, right before he stops me, his hands grabbing mine.

“Jesus, were you always this bossy when we were kids?” His eyebrow quirks up, “Ask nicely.”

It’s a command that sends a shiver down my spin and I relax into his touch.

“Please.”

“Do you know what 'nicely' means?” He teases

“Vinnie, please.” I whine, looking up at him through my lashes and I watch as he breaks above me.

Years could go by and I will always know what’ll break him.

“I hate you.” He whispers onto my lips and pulls his pants down.

When he finally starts fucking me it takes me a second to get re-used to his size but when he finally starts thrusting into me I hide my head into his neck to try and subdue my voice.

My legs wrapped around his waist as my hands marked his back with red lines.

He sped up his pace and I arched into his touch, my heart was pounding in my chest and Vinnie wasn’t giving me a break. 

He held me down by my hips and as I looked up at him I could see his eyebrows knitted together, looking as if he was focusing on making me feel good. 

My hands laced their fingers together behind his head as I looked back into his eyes staring at him.

We stayed like that for a bit right before he dipped his head down kissing along my chest and placing kisses along my tits, covering them in marks and bites, sucking hickies all over them and marking them up.

His kisses moved upwards towards my neck and ear and he placed more kisses along my neck and bit my earlobe whimpering and moaning, making sure I could hear how easily and quickly he fell apart for me.

As we both got closer to our ends his pace became relentless, slamming into me, hooking my leg over his shoulder to get a  better anger and more illicit, pornographic moans to fall from my lips.

When he finally came in me, he fell on top of me and we both breathed out trying to catch our breaths.

We stayed there for a bit to try to cool down.

He ended up cleaning me up and we just lay there on my sofa, my body swung over his as my head lay on his chest.

I trace his tattoos with my nails listening to his heartbeat and the sounds of satisfaction he makes whenever I scratch certain spots.

His hands trace my back ever so slowly whilst his other one lies behind his head, propping him up.

The room had quickly gone from being filled with moans of ecstasy and the sound of skin coming together to my voice humming and Vinnie breathing ever so gently.

We don’t say a word to each other but look up and his hand pushes away the hair on my face and lifts my chin up so he can place a gentle kiss on my lips.

We just stay in the kiss looking into each other's eyes and I truly let myself believe that we could be together.

I imagine us back home in Seattle, just us. 

Everything’s the same. Ponchos sitting on his bed with his head in my lap. Vinnie’s playing some new game that just came out. 

And he never left for LA.

He never left me.

I let myself forget for a moment and convinced myself that I didn’t just sleep with the man who left me all alone but rather I slept with the man that I truly thought I was going to end up marrying when I was a young girl.

I let myself forget.

But before we can deepen the kiss Vinnie’s phone buzzes and when he picks it up he sees her name.

Allison.

And without another word Vinnie puts on his clothes and leaves me there.

All over again.

But this time Inew what would happen but I still did it.

I lie there in my underwear staring at the ceiling and turn my gaze to the floor.

He left the red hoodie.

At this point I have no shame, I pick it up and slip it over my head and it smells so different.

It smells of sweat, mistakes, and all the things we meant to say.

[pentagonieslut]

GET TO KNOW ME !!

— hi ! my name is gona (short for dalgona) on here ! this is my blog pentagonieslut !

MORE BELOW CUT.

facts :

🇦🇸🇰🇷 + african american

i’m 04 vamp line (im 19 lol)

i grew up in a qua/trilingual house + learned other languages so i get confused a lot

food + i = 💕

music making >>>

5 year crush on Lee yongbok >>

i’m too lazy to do the aesthetic blog rn sorry

very chaotic

can be ur local imototo or onee <3

safe space so if you wanna talk kewl !

i have 3 BTS light sticks + a mini ateez one

i really enjoy underrated groups

before anyone says anything- i grew up on kpop + jpop so no bts wasn’t my first group i liked. it was big bang.

I have split dyed hair

my mom turns on my childhood playlist and bribes me with ice cream or buying stationery or an album

i’m like a kid (if you haven’t noticed) so if you feel like you’re my parent i’m sorry 😔

i have 13 piercings

tattoos + piercings >>>

i’m huge on underrated groups such as DKB or MCND or LUMINOUS

i like watching people argue because it’s funny

my MBTI is : ENTP - J

i’m a uni, bb, friendz, nctzen, teume, stay, atiny, etc. (check mlist for all groups i like or i Can link a playlist !)

i have a blog where it’s similar to like heize cafe but like advice / jus a gathering place for conversations ! might play a debate game on there too !

kamen rider + sentai/power ranger >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

i have really bad insomnia

sometimes if my brain hurts i come up with stupid songs uwu

sometimes i cuss a little too much it’s like a variety show where almost everything i say gets blurred 😎

jokes aside

i dream to collab with my favourite idols one day and produce a song for them or sing on the song with them

and become besties 🫶🏾

sometimes my impulse wins

if it’s not obvious i like bls

i like ice cream a lot; it’s an addiction

baby nail tech

i usually fall asleep to mukbang or ice eating when i do sleep

i like collecting microphones and in ear monitors

FRIED CHICKEN

see this gtkm is a mess too lol

uh..anyways

let’s talk more later 🫶🏾🫶🏾

also if you want to follow my advice page, it’s @imototoadvice

i also have one for jpop like exile tribe, kamen rider, power rangers @kamejapan

but that one is my old writing / messy ash IM WORKING ON IT

[visible-schizo-spectrum]

i do not think u understand how the medical world views functional and somatic symptoms bcs they r literally not the same thing but i digress.

my point here has never been ab singlets and that’s what makes this argument so frustrating. there r systems, endo or trauma, disordered or not, who r their entire body unable to speak ever.

i don’t think traumagenic DID systems should use the word nonverbal for their parts either. it’s not some radical anti endo exclusion campaign

and don’t fucking use the term wheelchair-bound and think ur some expert on disability advocacy lmfao. wheelchair user is baby’s first stop using ableist language.

the problem here is that a queer framework cannot be used for every single issue. everything in the world is not the same as being queer. maybe it is hard to imagine how not every oppression system works the same as queerness when ur white and abled and ur system is tulpagenic, but i have lived this life. i have lived the difference between queerness and color and when i was crippled at the age of 7 years old. i have been told my whole life that one day i’m going to be “mentally [r word]ed” and that’s just life.

u talk ab personhood quite a bit in these debates. ur upset that ur afforded only one personhood status, but in the life of a b/id and/or lvl 3 autistic person, ur not even afforded one. ur not able to live as much as ur authentic self legally speaking, i can see why this makes u think similarly to a queer framework, but u have rights.

have u ever been told in ur adult life by a doctor that u cannot ever consent to having a relationship? do they say ur comprehension is less than ur age? does ur mother own ur medical care for the rest of ur life? r u allowed to work a job, sophie? r u allowed to drive a car? r u allowed to buy alcohol and cigarettes? does someone monitor ur diet? have u ever been bedbound? have u ever had someone else clean ur genitals? do u cut urself every time u try to shave on ur own? r u even allowed to shave on ur own or has that been locked in a cabinet from u? does someone administer ur meds u have been taking ur whole life to u? did u used to be put on a leash so u wouldn’t run into traffic or get lost? ur an adult but what if u still might wander off so u have an aid or two always looking out for u? do u have a bed time? does ur mom wake u up? when ppl talk to u, do they talk to u, or do they talk to whoever is w u?

truly have u ever thought ab what life is like to lack rights beyond right to a name and gender expression? do u have any fucking idea what it is actually like to not have autonomy? u think someone telling u to use a different name for the experience i am validating u have is oppression? u make me sick. i wish u would live ur life as a nonverbal person and see how much time u spend arguing whether or not u should be allowed to culturally appropriate. i think ur idea of activism would look v different if u knew any axis of oppression to reference other than queerness.

u have a v distinct way of doing things and i am v aware of it so i play by ur methods. i will take this excessively diplomatically so no one can possibly misconstrue my words

i made the original post ab this whole thing. in spite of having been labeled as anti endo (and a singlet for some reason) i’m not rly. i have been involved in the plural community long before my DID dx and my last bf was a veritbonder. i have seen the endo community from the inside and don’t have issues w it.

my problem is the disingenuous nature of many syscoursers, and you are not excluded from this. i could do the same thing as you have done and explain why i think PNES should just be called regular seizures and they’re exactly the same now. there are many sources where they have been called seizures for years and years. but language changes, and i know you know this. it is one of your whole arguments as to why you are for the use of tulpa. to you, that word means something different than its origins.

to me, as a bodily semiverbal person, these terms mean something different. these words have evolved within the community that they were applied to. the system community, both endogenic and traumagenic, is dissociated (ha) from the semi/nonverbal community at large. you don’t know how we use these words because you literally do not participate in our community or culture. just like someone who commented on one of your other posts said, this is exactly like when verbal autistics who lose speech insist that saying “go nonverbal” doesn’t hurt nonverbal people.

as i said in my original post, and yet people somehow become unable to read for one sentence, if one headmate fronts for a significant amount of time that you could be considered semiverbal as one body, then you can do that. you are very disingenuous with your “bodily experiences” post, even though i am very sure you understand what people mean by that. my entire body regardless of any headmate fronting will always be semiverbal or nonverbal as my brain damage progresses. i use these words to tell people that as a body i cannot speak how you speak. if i had some headmates that couldn’t talk i would just say that. those specific ones can’t talk. my body is verbal overall.

if you go into our communities, we will hear you say “i am nonverbal” and will assume that your body does not and cannot speak. we will defer to you and seek to uplift your voice as one of the most disabled members of our society. our community is based around intersectionality and understanding that there are people more disabled than you. it is the job of verbal people to listen to me, and it is my job to listen to nonverbal people.

if you use these terms just for yourself. just between you and your therapist. between you and your friends. then no, it doesn’t matter. it was never about that. it is about the community and community implications of people who are objectively less disabled taking a word for people who are more so.

headmates can be people, they can do that, but a single body exists. you can’t just ignore that. i don’t become white when my white headmate fronts. i don’t gain the ability to walk unaided when abled headmates front. i don’t become less disabled in any way. i don’t become verbal.

and if you want to counter with abled systems can have alters that can’t walk, because i know you just want to, we don’t call it paralysis. we call it functional, somatic, or psychogenic paralysis. it works differently in the body just the same. you can’t insert yourself into semi/nonverbal spaces any more than you can insert yourself into a SCI support group.

i could do the same thing as you have done and explain why i think PNES should just be called regular seizures and they’re exactly the same now. there are many sources where they have been called seizures for years and years. but language changes, and i know you know this.

I'm already lost...

Is there some sort of discourse claiming that you can't call psychogenic non-epileptic seizures... seizures?

and if you want to counter with abled systems can have alters that can’t walk, because i know you just want to, we don’t call it paralysis. we call it functional, somatic, or psychogenic paralysis.

Or that psychogenic paralysis isn't a valid type of paralysis?

The cause may be different, but there are a ton of different causes for various conditions.

Someone blinded by an eye disease is blind. Someone blinded by their eyes being physically damaged is blind. Someone who experiences psychogenic blindness is blind.

Likewise, psychogenic paralysis IS paralysis. And a psychogenic non-epileptic seizure IS a seizure. You can add a qualifier to that... but it's not necessary.

if you go into our communities, we will hear you say “i am nonverbal” and will assume that your body does not and cannot speak.

That could be a fair assumption with no context. Although I... frankly doubt this happens often, or is a mistake that lasts long without being corrected.

If someone hears me say "I'm a cis woman" without context, I'm sure they would wrongfully assume I mean that the body is AFAB.

Obviously, it's important to try to mitigate miscommunications like these. But I assume that if you're dealing with a system with nonverbal headmates, you'll realize shortly the error. Unless that nonverbal headmate is the host or is otherwise fronting all or most of the time, in which case... maybe the miscommunication isn't as important as you think it is. 🤷‍♀️

our community is based around intersectionality and understanding that there are people more disabled than you. it is the job of verbal people to listen to me, and it is my job to listen to nonverbal people.

And this, I think is a mistake. At least when taken to the extremes I see here.

First... I'm really not comfortable with the idea of "more disabled" here. Sure, you can kind of apply this in specific contexts to try to say recurrent symptoms aren't as bad because they don't happen as often... but having your legs randomly give out while crossing the street might be more harmful than being a fulltime wheelchair user who wouldn't have been in that situation.

I'm also not comfortable with this thought in this specific case as it suggests that the nonverbal singlet is "more disabled" than the traumagenic DID system with severe memory loss and c-PTSD who has nonverbal headmates, and therefore gets a right to police their terms.

But let's say for the sake of argument this has merit and DID systems with nonverbal headmates are "less disabled" than nonverbal singlets:

Yes, you should absolutely listen to people with disabilities. Especially severe ones. But...

Dysphoric transgender people are technically more disabled (in that specific context) than non-dysphoric ones.

The same logic you're using could just as easily be used to support transmedicalists over non-dysphoric transgender people. Actually, the same logic HAS been used this way. Repeatedly. It's one of the main talking points employed by transmeds to garner sympathy.

There HAS to be more critical thought put into these issues than just "listen to the most disabled people in the room," which in this context really feels more like "accept what the most vocal members of a group say on a given platform without question."

This is also the logic sysmeds use against endogenic and non-disordered systems.

"We're disabled trauma survivors, so therefore you're supposed to listen to us when we claim this other marginalized group of people aren't real and their experiences aren't valid, and they aren't allowed to use terms we claim are ours regardless of whether those terms originally were or not. If you disagree with us then you're ableist."

We cannot afford to normalize this sort of exclusionism and gatekeeping.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[carmen-sandie-go]

Then do you think if you tried to break it to her slowly it'd work? I mean, she could either see what's going on and atleast herself realize that she needs to stop what's happening between them. How she does it is a later problem but she could react super negatively and freak out and just close in on herself.

I'm sorry I'm not really of help, but I really want to do anything I can.

-🐍

So heres a bit of context

At first she told me that she had a thing for a guy and kept him anonymous (i tried soo hard to find him n i did respect her boundaries but like wtf bro i am ur bestie u gotta trust me on this) and told how they loved each other and stuff and during one of the gossip sessions i heard that she would come home with her coach extra cozy on the bike and she talked to him all day and abt him

and so i confronted her and she was like no no i was talking about my fantasy to you about this fictional character. I obviously didnt buy it but dropped the subject

then like i had a short crush on this senior and she was like share his pic his name his insta and i was a bit pissed like if u can keep ur guy anonymous i can keep my crush anonymous i dont need to share

then during last yr end she called me late at night crying i was like babes what happened and we talked for a while and she told me how he did might be getting married ( hes 28 n from a conservative fam)

i was all consoling and told her to forget him she stopped going to practice and all then somehow they came together

She would read her diary to him ask him stuff abt periods and stuff and sexual pleasure (now i am all up for healthy boy girl relations and being open but i wont just go to my teacher and talk to him abt masturbation)

Till first i would slowly try to tell her things ki this is wrong this is illegal he is using you and he will want to get married soon and u are not legal to marry yet and YOU will not marry think abt ur single mom who did her best to support you she works 3 jobs bro !!

but now i got a bit pushy i would say like girl dump his ass u cant see it rn but he is using u and we had a heated debate

then she used the lames excuse ever and said this was a friends story and they are happy. I was done arguing so i went with it

then she said that she is dating him and he loves her and they arent physical at all and sai dmy opinion doesnt matter and i did get defensive and cited the laws and punishments

and then i told her dude i tried my best tujhe jo karna hai kar ..

havent talked since then till i saw the nudes

[astronomical-bagel]

Well... I still haven't commented on the latest chapter, but since you asked a question, I'll reply to it here with my thoughts of the moment! Was Patton unsympathetic or was it a kid's mistake? To me, it's the second one... Because I honestly don't believe a seven years old kid can be unsympathetic... There's always some sort of innocence behind their reasoning, even when they are doing something 'bad'. In this case, Mo wanted to protect Thomas so he wouldn't get in trouble with mommy- [1/?]

And at that age, the parents are like... gods. Entities who know everything and who are always right. Patton is Morality and thus follows the moral rules that are set by the parents... It's a "If mom said lying is wrong, then lying is wrong and Thomas should never lie because he would be doing something wrong and that’s bad" sort of logic. There isn't a true reasoning of 'what ifs', because there is no need for Morality to question what 'mommy' said. [2/?]

So, if Thomas is getting into trouble because lying is wrong, then Lying is getting Thomas into trouble. Lying is wrong. In that way, it's a perfectly logical reasoning for a kid to have, especially a kid whose purpose is Morality... Patton is still just a kid, a kid put in the position of authority, and he has to act like it... For the, "You've done too much to be forgiven" part, I still believe it can be said by a kid. [3/?] (this is longer than I thought)

Because kids tend to take things too far. And Patton here, simply copied what he could have seen in a movie. A scene where the bad guy or the villain is handed to the police after their encounter with the hero. "You've done too much to be forgiven" is like a one-liner said by the hero when he is defeating the villain. In this case, Lying is the villain. To Mo, Lying is causing trouble to Thomas and to King. So, he thinks he is doing what is best for everyone. To me, it isn't unsympathetic [4/4]

———

Hot DANG this is awesome! Such analysis...the perspective! I’m glad that you got so into this TvT—it makes me really happy.

okay, now, besides being absolutely FLOORED by this, it’s...pretty accurate, I’d say! I mean, I’m purposefully not making a decision whether or not Pat’s unsympathetic or not, but if I had to argue with someone that he WAS sympathetic, this is the argument I’d use. I said somewhere in the comments section (idk) that since Pat is both emotions and morality, he’s pretty powerful. Both of those things get a place at Thomas’s little mind table. (He’s the one who wears the pants, despite what Roman said on that one episode) That means that everyone looks to him for leadership, and...that’s not really meant for a kid. Because Thomas was getting into trouble, he had to make a decision, and that was probably one of the worst ones he could have made.

 I wouldn’t say it’s only Mo’s fault for all the trauma and things that Deceit went through, I mean, certainly Lo or King could’ve found some way to stop it, but they didn’t. Im sure they all blame themselves at least a little for what happened (well, past tense for the King, but y’know)

and you’re right, parents ARE gods to kids, and Patton is a (ssssssss)suckup. Like no offense to him, but he lives to please, so much that he overdoes it. And so he’d be like, especially eager to stop lying. Roman said in the last chapter that Patton had made a little paradox where he became a bad person while becoming a good person. And I guess that’s life, isn’t it? Good deeds, good intentions, still lead to awful things. (I’m pretty sure The Good Place talked about that, right? I haven’t watched it, but my dad did...hmm) And kids have one track minds, too. They think everything’s black and white. If mommy said lying is bad, then Lying is bad, and he has to go. No, ““hey wait, what if a known murderer came to ur house and asked abt your friend” nonsense, they just take everything that parents say a the Ultimate Truth.

And thanks, abt the ““you’ve done too much to be forgiven” part lol. I was a little worried abt it, but I figured the same thing you did. He’s just repeating what he’s been told is right. In a movie, this would be like...~the~ part. Dramatic lines,  black and white point of views, the villain being vanquished (Patton can enjoy that as much as Roman can, I’d say, at least, with his simplistic worldview at the moment) It’d be the height of the film!

So, while I’m still (attempting to be) impartial to all this, I do agree that you do have a LOT of sound points. If i were an argument against you, I guess I’d say that, using  Patton’s own logic and words, that he’s done too much to be forgiven, or that the consequences of his actions outweigh his good intentions. But idk, I’m not in debate mode rn, and this is already pretty long lol. Thanks for such a detailed analysis! It’s making me feel less like a colorless void and more like a humanoid.

[velvet-chae-blog]

bts annoying boyfriend things:

jin:

-will brag to everyone about how your mom loves him more than you

-asks you if you’re gonna eat something and then takes it before you even answer

-the worst backseat driver of all time but when you ask him if he would like to drive he’ll say no gshshsjshshdhd

-when going to eat, he’ll tell you to choose but he’ll have a complaint about every place you suggest

-dad jokes at the WORST possible moments like even once while you were making out?? and you’re like dear god what have i done in my past life to deserve this

-will eat your left overs out of the fridge even if you leave notes telling him NOT to

-once you went to a Halloween party together and he dressed as ‘prince peach’ and made you dress as Mario dhhdjsjsjshdjsjjs

-is absolutely not afraid to tell you that you look like something a cat through up. like pls you can’t be a lil nicer?

-will steal your good razor to shave his face

-is religious about his skin routine and will nag and nag you about yours

namjoon:

-asks you to take pictures of him and will make you retake it 637383829383 times. seriously how does jimin deal with this?

-‘borrows’ your headphones all the time and thrn BREAKS THEM hshsjsjsjsj. this is the 5th pair you’ve had to buy this month

-always wants to FaceTime or talk on the phone, but never text

-when you ask him to bring you home food it’s always the wrong thing. isn’t this boy supposed to have an amazing memory? where is it?

-on that note, he loses things constantly. ‘babe have u seen my sunglasses’ and like seriously they’re on his head

-joon’s top priority is aesthetic, always. to the point where you will go two hours out of the way to have dinner at a swanky italian place with low hanging lights even tho YOU’RE STARVING

-will answer your questions with questions or quotes, like b*tch did you just quote dr suess at me? i just want to know what kinda pizza you want

-long philosophical speeches which can be nice and endearing at times but sometimes you’re like ‘joon, it’s rly not that deep bby’ hdhsjsjsnsnsnsn

-tells you that you’re a traitor whenever you buy anything with a kkt friend that isn’t ryan

yoongi:

-sleeps in soooooo late and makes you crawl over him every morning when you have to work

-‘if this house was burning to the ground and i could only save u or min holly, i will choose min holly’ - min yoongi 2k16

-will use your laptop instead of his own bc yours is closer

-king of excuses which is handy when you want to call in sick to work, but very very annoying when you want to go do something that he doesn’t want to

-will take the remote right out of your hand and change it to what he wants and when you’re giving him a death glare he’s like ?????? tf you want?

-uses all of your bath bombs without asking shshjs i don’t think he understands how expensive those are????

-insulting kumam*n is a sin worthy of death

-would probably fake his own death if that meant he could avoid a social outing 

-is the worst to play any games with bc he always cheats and calls it ‘being resourceful’ 

hoseok:

-always leaves the toilet seat up and like laughs so hard he cries when you fall in

-wants to be the little spoon and never the big spoon

-he tried to teach you the choreo to dope one time and you twisted your ankle and he rly will never let you live that down

-snores so so so so SO loud, but will wake up in the am and say he couldn’t sleep bc you were snoring

-you cannot go to the bar alone with him bc he is the worst drunk person you’ve ever met zbsnsjsnsnsnsn he goes completely dead weight and sings kid songs and cries about how beautiful the moon is

-constantly singing girl group songs. like red velvet is gr8 but one can only listen ‘rookie rookie my super rookie rookie’ so many times without wanting to scream

-randomly pantses you around the house and will say ‘i got you’ like it’s a prank.....how is this....a prank hobi? ur just being a perv.....pls

-never folds his laundry ever. like if it wasn’t for you, the clothing mountain in ‘spring day’ would reside in your bedroom

jimin:

-cries every time taey*ng releases a song

-always has the receipts on hand when you’re arguing. even if it’s over something super petty hdhdjdj

-complains that you take too long of showers but there’s never any fcking warm water left once he’s done with his shower

-always pulls uglie faces when your trying to take cute couple pics. why won’t he let you have any nice pictures?

-teases you about being too soft but also complains when you don’t show him enough affection. what do you WANT park jimin?

-he’s a smug lil sh*t whenever he’s right and you’ll never ever hear the end of it

-he tells your mom everything i s2g they’re worse than the old ladies gossiping at the farmer’s market

-imitates you in the highest pitch most awful voice ever hshsjsjsjsjsnsns

-probably yells at you when you break a streak on snapchat

-steals the blankets at night, leaving you to freeze and d*e

taehyung:

-sends texts in all emojis all the time and will expect you to decode them perfectly. like how are you suppose to know what  🤐 👩‍🍳 🤳 👏🏻 ✨ 🚓 💔 means?

-smart about weird things like he can tell you every star that exists in the milky-way but don’t ask him help you build any IKEA furniture

-will probably wake you up at ungodly hours to ask you why dogs walk in circles before they lay down

-his shoes actually smell sooooooooo bad bc he never wears socks

-super loud playing video games. like it’s literally 3 am and he’s having a debate with a 12 yr old about overwatch vs. titanfall and you have an exam at 7am. can he pls for the love of god just not?

-uses your tooth brush so now you have to hide it from him when he stays over

-probably asks for nudes like 80 times a week. does he not understand that there are only so many creative ways you can take sexcie pics?

-you absolutely cannot take him grocery shopping bc you either will loose him or you will wind up with $50 worth of cereal in your cart and nothing else

-made you a playlist once that was just gucci gang on repeat

jeongguk:

-drinks milk straight from the carton

-weird af compliments. like bitting your face and telling you that you’re a snacc. 

-is actually a decent cook BUT DESTROYS THE FCKING KITCHEN

-seriously. all the cabinets are open, the fridge is open, there is trash on the counters, there’s siracha on the ceiling? he only made boxed ramen. how did this even happen?

-constantly reminds you that you’re short and will use you as an arm rest

-has your contact id as a kermit meme

-always making you hold his things in your purse. like why can’t he just use his pockets? hshsjsjsjs

-will probably call you dude and babe in the same sentence

-makes literally everything a competition.....everything

-he’s so lazy that he’ll make things more difficult then the were. like he will carry 20 bags of groceries in and almost cut off the circulation to his fingers bc he doesn’t want to make 2 trips

-uses all of your shampoo and body wash all the fckin time. you’ve even gone out and bought stuff for him BUT HE STILL USES YOURS

[shadows-taller]

bucky, 41, getting together story💘

this took way too long and I have no excuse. also it’s super long and I got carried away. whoops. usually I don’t like using the whole y/n thing but I feel it was unavoidable here. anyway. I hope you enjoy!

“I know it’s 2am but can we meet up”

The absolute best thing about getting a text from a wrong number is the sheer fun you can have fucking with the person who texted you. For example, Wanda got a wrong number one time detailing how her child was a disruption to this woman’s daughter and how she was no longer invited to this family’s barbecue. For a solid four days she pretended to be this kid’s mother, and it only ended when the soccer mom threatened to call the cops. To date, that’s your best wrong number story, and to be fair, it isn’t even yours. 

You haven’t had much luck as far as messing with strangers, your first and only attempt being the incident at the Apple Store in Times Square when you were drunk. Needless to say, you haven’t gone back to the area in a long time.

Ever since moving to New York, you’ve learned that the people are friendly when you get to know them and treat them like people rather than tourist attractions. You might even call yourself one, on occasion - god knows your whole family back home thinks you’re some sort of socialite now that you’re in the big city.

Most of the time, you’re just lucky if you go out to lunch with Wanda or Val once a week. That and the debate club you frequent once a month, held at a bookstore a few blocks down from your street. The only interaction you have with men is in class and the guy who works at the bookstore on weekends. He’s seen you at your worst, from the morning to get a book for class and in the evening when you just finished a part of a series and need to find out what happens next. And dressed in pajamas in both situations. No way will you strike up conversation with him anytime soon, that’s way too embarrassing.

All this to say, school doesn’t make for much wiggle room in your schedule. And your social skills have become a bit lacking thanks to this fact

Luckily, today, a Saturday, has left you enough time not only to get ahead on your studies, but also to get lunch with Wanda, go to the library and the small museum in your neighborhood (because you’ve always wanted to but, again, time is a cruel mistress), and be back home with enough daylight left to make a decent meal for yourself.

Of course, some fucker has to text you in the middle of the night with some bullshit like;

Unknown: i know its 2am but can we meet up

You hear the buzz on your nightstand, wake up enough to reach over and turn your phone on, and type out a response as well as your still mostly-asleep brain can.

You: who’s this?

Prepared to fall back asleep, your head has barely hit the pillow when your phone buzzes again. And then a second time, to add insult to injury.

Unknown: james, from ur anthro class?

Unknown: ur my partner for the project

Groaning, you sit up and prop a pillow behind you. Reaching for your glasses, you prepare to let the guy down, too tired to mess with him. But just as you’re typing out a sorry, wrong #, he messages you for a third time in a row.

Unknown: u know, with Banner? The man who cant answer questions for shit

Now that makes you wake up a bit. Not only because Dr. Bruce Banner is, in your opinion, one of the best anthropology professors at your college, but because he’s helped you pursue your degree in that exact subject area. Dr. Banner’s been a huge impact on your academic success, and this guy is just flat-out wrong about him.

You: first of all, why the fuck are you messaging me (or anyone) at 2am

You: second, wrong number. but banner’s a genius and you’re wrong.

Now you’re fully awake and ready for a debate. It’s why you joined a debate club - sometimes, the need to argue should be directed in more fulfilling avenues. But it’s 2 AM, for chrissakes.

Unknown: i didnt say he wasnt a genius. he just cant answer questions.

You sigh.

You: what sort of questions could you possibly have that he couldn’t answer

Unknown: why do you care anyway

You: it’s kind of my major, smartass

Unknown: shit alright its about this project on like African masks

You: there’s lots of those can you narrow it down

Unknown: i dont know how to! thats my problem

You: did he give you parameters for the assignment?

At this point, you decide to add this guy as a contact, even if out of pity for his apparent lack of skill in the field of anthropology. Maybe this could become a thing, you help him in anthro, he helps you in… whatever he studies? That’s a good question, actually.

Wrong # James: yeah he told us to write on african masks

Wrong # James: like write abt them not like ON on them

You: ok. Well what did you talk about in class?

Wrong # James: masks? from different regions

You: so like what masks from different regions looked like?

Wrong # James: ya

You: did you have a favorite?

Wrong # James: not really?

You: well maybe you should do some research on that and find a region that has masks/symbols that interest you

You: and also get your partner’s number lmao

Wrong # James: ur more helpful than he was tho

You: tough shit u still need to talk to him

You: what major are you anyway

Wrong # James: biomechanical engineering

Wrong # James: so like the opposite of anthro

You: true

Wrong # James: sorry abt waking you up btw

You: it’s no big deal lol

Except that it kind of was. You look at the clock, and it reads nearly 2:30.

Wrong # James: still its kinda late

Wrong # James: I feel bad now

Wrong # James: (…)

Wrong # James: do u wanna meet up sometime? when its not 2am? I need so much anthro help

The smile on your face is wide, because you were just about to suggest the same thing. You take a second to think about your response, but another message comes through before you can send something.

Wrong # James: nvm thats weird pretend i didnt suggest it

You: no! I was actually going to ask you the same thing. god knows I could use some calc help

Wrong # James: calc is so much easier than anthro shut up

You: math is the work of the devil

You: so you free tomorrow?

Wrong # James: ya is 4 good?

You: sure! Campus library?

Wrong # James: yea

You: wait I don’t know what you look like

Wrong # James: tall, brown hair?

You: that’s half the school population

Wrong # James: I’ll be in a stark industries shirt with a leather jacket and a dark green backpack, in the little area behind the sci-fi stuff

You: good that actually does narrow it down

Wrong # James: Wait I don’t know ur name wtf

You: it’s y/n

Wrong # James: see u tomorrow then, y/n

–

It’s 3:00 and you have an hour ‘til you meet up with James, so you’ve decided to stop by the little grocery store near your place to get some snacks. You don’t know what he’ll like, so you get some water and a few different types of candy, as well as some fresh fruit. On your way to the library, you stop by the bookstore to get another copy of one of your favorite books for anthropology - Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond. You figure James might appreciate a more compelling, interesting read in the midst of textbooks and scholarly articles.

You come to the register and put the book on the counter, eyes cast down like usual. The guy at the counter, somehow always working when you’re there, takes it and rings you up. As you hand him your member card, you glance up to see oddly familiar white lettering. And a leather jacket. And a secondary glance tells you that his name-tag reads James (Bucky). You feel yourself pale as you look up at his face.

“Holy shit.”

He just looks at you, confused.

“Is there something wrong?”

For the first time since your first visit to the store, you look him straight in his pretty blue eyes. You get a sudden burst of confidence, and your shocked expression melts into a nonchalant shrug, smirk dancing at the edge of your lips.

“No, just this random asshole texted me at 2am asking to meet up.”

//send me a prompt

[i-am-very-very-tired]

Dee Keeve says:JULY 31, 2016 AT 5:56 AM

Amen. Finally finding ones who love relaxed hair

Bri says:JULY 11, 2016 AT 1:42 PM

REPLY

Lauren!!!! I ran into your website through google images, and you have officially persuaded me back into the relaxer life. I’ve been trying to go natural for almost a year and I absolutely hate it. Every single thing you said is what has been happening to me daily. I work as a receptionist and I feel like it makes me look completely unprofessional when my hair gets all poofy and sticks up. I haaate it! I’m going to do go buy Dr. Miracles tonight!!!!!

My hair was far more heat protected and healthier when I was relaxing it. Even so I only relaxed maybe 3 times a year so I had a good thing going. I don’t know what I was thinking. I honestly just wanted my hair to be fuller and just have a wave when I got it wet. I wasn’t even going natural for the right reasons, I had no dedication whatsoever.

The good thing is I DID get a lot of growth during this 10 month period, about 4 ½ inches. So I’m just excited to relax it out lol. THANK YOU LAUREN!

Teni says:AUGUST 23, 2016 AT 4:45 PMREPLY

Thank you for this comment <3 I am 9 months into transitioning and I hate it. I will just go on a healthy relaxed hair journey.

Keitra says:JUNE 21, 2016 AT 1:27 PM

REPLY

Adore this post so much. I thought i was the only one who had those issues. The really bad breakouts, detangling and my nape area was a nightmare. I just choose a week ago after a 4 month strech to do what i do best and rock my relaxed hair. Idk why its so shamed up on to get relaxer like its an abomination or something. Nothing about getting relaxer or no relaxer is going to make your body health any healther try dieting or eating better lets debate on that, lets jump down ppl thoart on a healthier eating habit vs freaking hair. This world smh.

adrienne says:JUNE 14, 2016 AT 9:14 PM

REPLY

i agree with you my intent was not quite to go natural but to do long stretches like either only relax once or twice a year… sigh,,, I just brought a relaxer today to use later,,, last time i relaxed was december 2015… but by april it’s been..sigh.. horrible the dryness from the new growth and i’ve spent more money the past 6 mos. i ever have than when I was relaxed… when i was relaxed all i used was a lil oil sheen and maybe occasional dab of oil moisturizer lotion,, didn’t need nothing else. ,, but since trying to make my stretch last a full year,,, i see i can’t go natural.. and my texture is 3b/some 3c and it was still a living hell!

deja says:JUNE 12, 2016 AT 10:58 AM

REPLY

i cant believe what im reading “natural isnt for everyone” how does that work out? how does ur natural hair..that grows naturally..out of ur hair not work for u? how does someone else’s hair work better for u than the hair that comes out of ur head..smh black ppl are brainwashed Bad

I won’t argue with you – a simple google search can tell you all you need to know about both sides of the coin. Have a great day!

Oh my goodness! You don’t know how much this blessed and inspired me in my hair life! Out of all of my friends, and family, I’m pretty much the only one who gets relaxers!! No one else gets them anymore and I’m talking about dozens of people that I know! The only time a relaxer did me damage was when the Rio perm was advertised backing the mid 1990’s and Debbie Allen and other celebrities were testing the product out by eating it, testing it out on their own heads, etc!! I was 6 years old with beautiful relaxed hair and the Rio perm was put on by my mom and she regretted placing it on my head to this day! That was 21 years ago, I am now 27 and within minutes my hair and scalp was burning from the bad Rio product. Anywho there was a class action lawsuit and most people that filed with pictures only received $97 for the poor relaxed product. Why did my mom try it? Because the celebrities were acting as it was safe! Until then my mom always put PCJ on my hair and she always got compliments on my hair. Before she used PCJ, she tried placing the hot comb method on my hair but it would kink up and be back to the coarse nappy look in a few days after straightened (and this is way before a relaxer even touched my head) so as ppl always say everyone has a good curl pattern when they were younger, nope that was never the case for me it’s always been coarse and thick due to the grate of hair that my parents have. But after the Rio incident, my mom restored my hair by putting protective styles and treating it with the right products. I also have used various beauticians to treat my hair with appropriate relaxers and styles. During my college years it was hard to afford the beauty shop so I had a olive oil relaxer or kiddie relaxer on my hair which it still grew! I have no problems with relaxers, I usually go 8 weeks or 10 weeks to get another relaxer. So many black women are against chemicals and they fail to realize that they spend so much money on weaves and blowouts to get their hair straight like a relaxer until the price they pay for this stuff ends up being that standard $65 relaxer and style cost that professional beauticians charge!!!

Charlene dorsey says:DECEMBER 3, 2016 AT 11:08 PM

It’s a style preference thing…. It should be a choice… Here’s a wuick question for you….Do you wear makeup? If so; why??? You weren’t born with makeup on…… most people wear it because they feel it enhances their beauty…same thing for hair preferences…

I agree Lauren. To each their own. Some hair that grows naturally out of some heads is very thick, coily, and very hard to manage. And might I add, TIME CONSUMING. You can spend lots of $$ on products trying to keep the hair conditioned, softened and tameable and it adds up. But some people like to wear their hair dry so they costs for products may not be a big deal. Again, I like what you say and I’m with you. I’ve only been natural 3 months, and I’m not quite liking it. I want my curl and waves but not bone straight so texlaxing is the best thing for me. I refuse to allow anyone to make me feel bad and or guilty about my choices. It’s all about how I feel about me and healthy hair at the end of the day. Thanks for sharing this.

Hey, do u rub makeup on ur face.. or better still. When trying to get curl definition don’t u spent tons of cash buying curl defining creams and custards, then spend hours trying to do a twist out so you cud have more defined curls…. to me I feel that’s exactly the same thing. U are not satisfied with he way ur hair curls naturally and you feel the need to enhance its curl. If u wanna be truly natural stop twist outs and braid outs and all that is, because lets face facts your hair isn’t naturally like that.. just stick to a fro.. then u can come preach to me abt embracing the natural pattern with which hair comes out of he head.

April says:JUNE 20, 2016 AT 2:04 PMREPLY

Relaxed4life says:AUGUST 4, 2016 AT 10:11 PMREPLY

Azarmiah says:OCTOBER 5, 2016 AT 8:05 AMREPLY

Amor Amankwah says:OCTOBER 8, 2016 AT 4:47 PMREPLY

Touche! Well said! You hit the nail on the head.

Preach it beee!! Amen and A. men!!

If your natural you know that those styles help reduce tangles i personally dont wear them no reason i havent masterd them as of yet and and doesnt take nothing nut humidity and a wash to get you back to its natural state. Hey check out this video by angel ikyg called black women natural hair its not a bashing video he gives good reasoning to go natural if u feel the same way after watching the video then keep getting relaxers by all means because its your hair have a good day

Dude I always felt the same way. You manipulating your hair to get your curls a certain way says a lot.

Seriously why be so negative? Some people don’t like curly hair or braids but prefer straight hair. Quite frankly some women don’t look good with either hair style. Yeah one can argue that a black woman can achieve straight hair with natural hair but do you know how much more damage will occur than by doing relaxers. If you actually read this woman’s blog you would see her hair is healthy and relaxed. So stop hair shaming and accept the fact that people can have different hair styles and still have healthy hair.

[i-am-very-very-tired]

Keitra says:JUNE 21, 2016 AT 1:27 PM

Adore this post so much. I thought i was the only one who had those issues. The really bad breakouts, detangling and my nape area was a nightmare. I just choose a week ago after a 4 month strech to do what i do best and rock my relaxed hair. Idk why its so shamed up on to get relaxer like its an abomination or something. Nothing about getting relaxer or no relaxer is going to make your body health any healther try dieting or eating better lets debate on that, lets jump down ppl thoart on a healthier eating habit vs freaking hair. This world smh.

adrienne says:JUNE 14, 2016 AT 9:14 PM

i agree with you my intent was not quite to go natural but to do long stretches like either only relax once or twice a year… sigh,,, I just brought a relaxer today to use later,,, last time i relaxed was december 2015… but by april it’s been..sigh.. horrible the dryness from the new growth and i’ve spent more money the past 6 mos. i ever have than when I was relaxed… when i was relaxed all i used was a lil oil sheen and maybe occasional dab of oil moisturizer lotion,, didn’t need nothing else. ,, but since trying to make my stretch last a full year,,, i see i can’t go natural.. and my texture is 3b/some 3c and it was still a living hell!

deja says:JUNE 12, 2016 AT 10:58 AM

i cant believe what im reading “natural isnt for everyone” how does that work out? how does ur natural hair..that grows naturally..out of ur hair not work for u? how does someone else’s hair work better for u than the hair that comes out of ur head..smh black ppl are brainwashed Bad

I won’t argue with you – a simple google search can tell you all you need to know about both sides of the coin. Have a great day!

Oh my goodness! You don’t know how much this blessed and inspired me in my hair life! Out of all of my friends, and family, I’m pretty much the only one who gets relaxers!! No one else gets them anymore and I’m talking about dozens of people that I know! The only time a relaxer did me damage was when the Rio perm was advertised backing the mid 1990’s and Debbie Allen and other celebrities were testing the product out by eating it, testing it out on their own heads, etc!! I was 6 years old with beautiful relaxed hair and the Rio perm was put on by my mom and she regretted placing it on my head to this day! That was 21 years ago, I am now 27 and within minutes my hair and scalp was burning from the bad Rio product. Anywho there was a class action lawsuit and most people that filed with pictures only received $97 for the poor relaxed product. Why did my mom try it? Because the celebrities were acting as it was safe! Until then my mom always put PCJ on my hair and she always got compliments on my hair. Before she used PCJ, she tried placing the hot comb method on my hair but it would kink up and be back to the coarse nappy look in a few days after straightened (and this is way before a relaxer even touched my head) so as ppl always say everyone has a good curl pattern when they were younger, nope that was never the case for me it’s always been coarse and thick due to the grate of hair that my parents have. But after the Rio incident, my mom restored my hair by putting protective styles and treating it with the right products. I also have used various beauticians to treat my hair with appropriate relaxers and styles. During my college years it was hard to afford the beauty shop so I had a olive oil relaxer or kiddie relaxer on my hair which it still grew! I have no problems with relaxers, I usually go 8 weeks or 10 weeks to get another relaxer. So many black women are against chemicals and they fail to realize that they spend so much money on weaves and blowouts to get their hair straight like a relaxer until the price they pay for this stuff ends up being that standard $65 relaxer and style cost that professional beauticians charge!!!

Charlene dorsey says:DECEMBER 3, 2016 AT 11:08 PM

It’s a style preference thing…. It should be a choice… Here’s a wuick question for you….Do you wear makeup? If so; why??? You weren’t born with makeup on…… most people wear it because they feel it enhances their beauty…same thing for hair preferences…

I agree Lauren. To each their own. Some hair that grows naturally out of some heads is very thick, coily, and very hard to manage. And might I add, TIME CONSUMING. You can spend lots of $$ on products trying to keep the hair conditioned, softened and tameable and it adds up. But some people like to wear their hair dry so they costs for products may not be a big deal. Again, I like what you say and I’m with you. I’ve only been natural 3 months, and I’m not quite liking it. I want my curl and waves but not bone straight so texlaxing is the best thing for me. I refuse to allow anyone to make me feel bad and or guilty about my choices. It’s all about how I feel about me and healthy hair at the end of the day. Thanks for sharing this.

Hey, do u rub makeup on ur face.. or better still. When trying to get curl definition don’t u spent tons of cash buying curl defining creams and custards, then spend hours trying to do a twist out so you cud have more defined curls…. to me I feel that’s exactly the same thing. U are not satisfied with he way ur hair curls naturally and you feel the need to enhance its curl. If u wanna be truly natural stop twist outs and braid outs and all that is, because lets face facts your hair isn’t naturally like that.. just stick to a fro.. then u can come preach to me abt embracing the natural pattern with which hair comes out of he head.