#and neither of us want to go live with random people. because we both know how that can be a nightmare

[cr0wc0rpse]

A win for the moving out eventually plan. My brother said yes to being my roommate. Free roommate who I already know and know I can live with 💪 and the concept of us sharing our own place is a little insane due to how we both are. Adhd weirdguy central

[originalwinnercheesecake]

Wish list for CBS ghosts season 4

Make Patience a recurring antagonist for at least 2-3 episodes before that story gets resolved and she gets regulated to a background character.

Patience character to be 50% good religious farm girl, 50% crazy witch. She also needs to have a wicked(ly cool) ghost power

More of Isaac loving dinosaurs

More solo development for Isaac

More of Isaac and Hetty's awesome friendship

No Nigel for a while. I do not like him. He did a lot of things in his and Isaac's relationship that are textbook abusive partner behavior.

I think it is about time for Jay's restaurant to start up, and I would like that to actually become pretty successful/profitable. Mostly because I would like Sam and Jay to have a bit more disposable income to do things around the manor, and I know the B&B is unlikely to become super busy next season (unless the show is ending , which I really do not want).

The difference in treatment between the above ground ghosts and basement ghosts to be addressed. I know after season 3 that they aren't going to move them all up stairs. But it would be nice if Sam and Jay could like furbish the basement , and then more Basement ghosts than just Nancy got invited to come upstairs for games or discussion.

Just to be clear I still want Nancy to keep making her frequent visits up stairs and hang out with the man 8. I just also would not mind seeing Stuart or another nameless basement ghost standing or walking by in the background on the occasion.

Explore Pete's power more. He does not need to hop on a plane and go across the country or anything, but let him keep going out into town and having adventures. Also let him keep going on dates with other random ghosts outside of the house.

I know that Pete&Alberta will probably happen at some point in season 4. The thing is though while that ship was cute in season 1, the way the ship was handled in season 2 soured it like milk to me. Both characters need a lot of development, and separate explorations of what they want out of a relationship, before I can ship them again.

H-Money is still a couple I kinda like. I do not expect them to get back together in season 4 (Please not another season that is fully devoted to coupling up all the character), but I would like them to start scheming together again. Let them figure out how to interact together as friends, and build a stronger foundation to eventually, in season 5 maybe, try again.

I have heard people suggest that Pete's power could maybe be extend to getting the other ghosts through the barrier if they are like holding onto Pete's hand. I want this. Now I know Sass will want to visit a Pizza Hut, and Issac a dinosaur museum, but I would say the most important thing to do with that would be to take Thor and Flower over to the Farnsby manor to visit Bjorn and his girlfriend Judy. It would also be cool if there was a lesbian ghost living there they could set up Nancy with. Since Nisaac is on a "respite" and queer representation (preferably healthy queer representation) is important.

Everyone remember in season 2 when we learned about Flower's super protective, formally MIA, army vet brother : Rob. You remember how the show's staff said they would love to have Rob come to the B&B for a visit, and were already considering actors who could play him? I want this episode. Also if you cannot directly tell Rob his sister is a ghost on the property, then can Trevor or Alberta use their powers to help Flower send a message to Rob. To say that she still loves him. I cannot deal that both siblings spent like 50 years thinking the other hated them when neither did. It is to sad.

It would be cool if we could also have Ira visit once too. I know Flower did not love him like she did Michael or does Thor, but he was still someone who was a big part of her life for a while, and knowing her cannonly had a large impact on his. Maybe we find that while he has done charities in her memory, trauma over watching her be killed by a bear has also lead him to sponsor bear hunts or poaching. Flower is horrified. Then Sam and Jay have to spend his visit looking for a way to convince him that is not what Flower would have wanted.

Four standard episodes for each season are a Halloween episode, an episode where Bela visits, one where Stephanie wakes up, and one where Crash appears and is slightly relevant. I have no idea what to do for an episode with Crash, but for the others

-Ghost animals on Halloween

-Home theater night for ghosts and guests on the night Stephanie wakes up, complete with all the drama of set up and shenanigans that going to the movies encores.

- Bela is broken up with Eric, she does not even like him. This time her and Jay's parents come with her for the visit. Bela wants all the latest gossip surrounding the ghosts, but they have to tip toe around the parents. Jay's dad does not fully support the B&B even without the knowledge that it is haunted, and Sam does not want to give her mother in law another reason to suspect that she might be crazy.

Owning back to the "Can Pete take the other ghosts off the property" theory, can Thomas Woodstone be a ghost who died visiting a neighbors property. We have no reason to see Elias again since he has decided to stay put in Hell. But Thomas reappearing could be interesting for both Hetty and Alberta. If he does show up though I want the twist to be that he is actually severally cognitively impaired (think Lenny from oMaM)... I mean the man was from an inbred family, played with lead based toys as a baby, had a cocaine addict mom, and a father who was a lot of things. He could not have been all there. Also address more on if Earl ever actually cared for any of the people he was two timing (again development that needs to happen to make Alberta want to go from dating an Earl to a Pete).

A Sasappis based episode that is not his death story. I feel like he needs at least one more episode exploring what his life alive was like, to be appropriately gutted when we learn about his secret death.

Actually maybe we can hold off on Sass's death and Hetty's ghost power until season 5. let's keep the element of mystery in the show for a little longer.

[some-pers0n]

I'm gonna be blunt and say that I really don't think a lot of people kinda get these two characters. Sure, yeah, there'll be people like "Psshh no?? Me?? I know exactly who these guys are" and like, yeah maybe you do. Maybe you'll read this while nodding your head and whatnot. Maybe you won't.

Either way, I think there's a decent amount of people who don't...get Qibli and Winter. I mainly see it in shipping stuff. I know it's kinda idiotic to go looking for character stuff in shipping-- you know what?? No. I think it's perfectly sound logic to try and look for meaningful character writing in ship stuff, especially with fanfics. I've got that aroace mindset where I can only comprehend a ship if it has a clear and exact thematical and character-driven purpose.

Anywho, I think there's something to be craved with how Qinter is talked about in the fandom. I think there's something in general to be desired when discussing Qibli and Winter in general (or, hell, most of the characters) or other ships they're in, but I want to discuss Qinter mainly as a means to view them through the lens of a relationship. Some sort of duo and pair. Two young dragonets trying to survive.

Winter and Qibli come from incredibly similar backgrounds. That sounds ridiculous at a first glance, but when you think about it, they do. They both were raised with terrible parents who held them to an unrealistic standard that neither really wanted to be.

Winter was forced to become a child soldier and be the best of the best, despite his best rightfully not being absolutely perfect and having a ton of heart and soul in him. Ironically enough, his sheer loyalty to his friends that he displays later would be commended in the IceWing army, but is only looked down upon because he's showing anything other than pure apathy at existence and disgust when confronted with the other tribes. Winter is a kind soul who was shaped and twisted into becoming somebody far meaner to fit the idea of what his parents wanted him to be. It's a mask he wears to fit in. To be at least be tolerated by the dragons he only wants the approval from.

Qibli was raised in the slums of Scorpion Den. The back alleys and dark, seedy streets that are avoided. He had to fit the build of a thief. A petty pickpocket that lurks around like his family, doing nothing more than swiping whatever goods they could get their hands on. Qibli was kind and sweet, which obviously was a terrible sin in the eyes of his family. Like Winter, this planted a seed of wanting to be loved, although to a significantly larger extent than Winter felt. Qibli became obsessed with the idea of being loved as he hated being seen as nothing. He wanted nothing more than to be praised and admired because of just how neglected he was. So, he pretends to be somebody likable. Somebody who others care about. A mask to conceal the dragon he feels can never be loved.

Because of their backgrounds, they feel at odds when they're introduced to one another. Qibli is the laid-back jokester type while Winter is snarly and angry. Thanks to Moon's powers though, we get a look into them even before their book.

We see that Qibli is paranoid and his brain is constantly trying to predict others. He's always in a state of stress and fear, putting on a performance to try and be liked and see which dragons are the biggest threats to him. He's never gotten used to living outside of the crime-filled Scorpion Den, and the memories of childhood where he had to lay awake thinking that some dragon who his mother stole from will murder them all in their sleep remain. He's scared and afraid.

Winter managed to convince himself that he is this mean and nasty dragon, but really he's not. There's moments of hesitancy in MR from him. He's also just. generally not really that much in the wrong in the book. Sorry my Winter Apologist side is coming out but y'all hate too much on a character who was just kinda mean for some random dragon he only knew for a couple days at most by then doing stuff that was very suspicious. Yeah obviously Moon is the protagonist and we like her and know the full context, but Winter?? He doesn't know anything!

I digress however. They're in. not the best of states. Sure, yeah, Qibli had ran from Vulture and Cobra and was now Thorn's adoptive son of sorts, but he was obsessed with Thorn to the point of almost blind worship. He hailed her as some grand dragon because he had never been loved before. Being loved by somebody felt incomprehensible. He wants to repay it since he feels like he doesn't deserve it.

Winter on the other hand has just gotten away from a terrible situation, where his family more or less just hates him. They hate him so much it's not even funny. Winter had gotten Hailstorm, somebody who Winter loved and admired, was stolen away by the SkyWings and presumed dead for years because of him. He blames himself. He constantly thinks that he should've been the one taken away instead. He doesn't see himself worthy to live, especially not compared to Hailstorm. Hailstorm is charming, smart, strong, and better in every capacity to Winter. How could he ever live up to that?

Their shared flaw is that they feel inadequate. They feel as though there's something inherently flawed with themselves, something that they need to hide away. It was shaped because of their similar backstories, where they were neglected and abused and put down because of them never being able to meet the unreasonable expectations placed on them. Because of this trauma, their personalities in the present are shaped to try and fit in.

It's only by being with the Jade Winglet do they begin to unlearn those habits. I would imagine that, in moments where they chat with each other for the first real time (not fighting or anything), they...notice how alike they are. Like holding up a mirror to themselves. Despite how differing their personalities are, they feel one in the same. The other side of the coin.

It's why I think Qinter really works as something more than a cheap means for comedic relief. They bounce off each other really well and in an interesting way, which makes for their interactions feeling a lot more meaningful when they put away the act and show and are genuine. I honestly think that they would want to help each other out. They see themselves in the other and don't want them to feel like they have to do this, but they can't even save themselves.

It's only with time however. Healing is a process. It's sure as hell hard to do it all alone. It's why I love a lot the themes of friendship and togetherness in arc 2 especially. All of the POVs learn how to be more confident and sure of themselves through their friends. I just wish that Qinter was talked about in a more intellectually stimulating way than "yellow boy laughs at blue boy for being angsty teen"

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for debating hiring outside help for my husband and I's house because we can't keep up alone?

For context: My (26 Fae ftm) husband (28M) live very happy and healthily together. While I'm unable to medically transition due to a bunch of reasons we'll get to, he has been nothing but a solid rock in my life and the one person that has always been on my side. Through dragging me out of an abusive household to helping me with my chronic illness, he's been an absolute angel despite dressing like the devil himself (he's goth). So I don't want any hate on him.

He is ADHD and I'm Autistic. Yes, hello, we are that couple~♡ This does cause us some issues tho as he is unmedicated and I'm just struggling in general with sensory issues for certain chores. So far we keep each other some what afloat, having him do chores that my sensory issues can't handle and my doing ones he can't focus through.

However, as previously mentioned I'm chronically ill. I won't get into many details but it's basically I'm internally bleeding at random intervals. And before people think I'm talking about just my period, no it's so bad that I have once had to go to the ER for a blood transfusion due to this internal bleeding and had times when I was bleeding for over 4 months straight.

My husband and I because of this condition are pretty much struggling financially. I can work but it makes me extremely fatigued since I'm essentially working with constant Anemia. It gets bad enough some days that he can't wake me up without over an hour of effort, even after I've slept 10hrs. The fatigue is REALLY bad. He works just as much as I do, sometimes more because his work is so shortstaffed and he likes to pick up extra shifts to try and save up for the surgery that would hopefully fix everything.

This has culminated though in us both being extremely exhausted near 24/7 for the last year-ish but we have finally hit a break. I recently got a huge pay increase (nearly $200 a week increase) so we are hopeful for the first time in months. We're starting to pay down my extreme medical debt and being able to just go get dinner when he doesn't want to cook.

Here's where I may be kind of TA... Despite this hope, my condition recently did get worse. I've now gone another 3 months still bleeding and having to suffer my Anemia symptoms and medication. This has caused me to fall massively behind on what should be my chores, and while my husband doesn't begrudge me it, it has caused our home to start becoming very, very unhygienic. As someone who grew up with a clean freak mother, it kinda upsets me. He's focusing more and more on me and less on the house so even his chores are falling behind too.

None of that is his fault. He loves me so much he wants to help Me first but it has gotten to where we are both going "we really need to clean the house..." but neither of us have enough battery to do so. Me becuz of my condition and he becuz he's stuck caring for me.

We have enough that we might be able to afford to hire a cleaning service to help us out, but it would cost us some of the freedom and paying down medical bills. I think it'd only be a temporary thing, once I recover from my current episode, we can probably get better... but I don't know how long it will be.

On top of this I'm worried paying for this service will further put off my surgery as we struggle to save up for it again... We've already had to tap into that savings cuz my current episode lost me 2 days at work.

Is it unfair for me to ask to use our new extra money for essentially my not wanting to have to bother doing basic chores? I know I'm tired but I've lived with it so long I could and should probably just push through.

What are these acronyms?

[robinsegghead]

Danny's Daycare Part 12

[Master List]

Cookies, books, wallet, keys. Cookies, books, wallet, keys. Cookies, books- what was he forgetting? He felt like he was forgetting something important. It was an aggravating feeling considering there definitely wasn’t something else he was supposed to be bringing. Hell- the cookies were an above and beyond kind of thing- even if they didn’t feel like it.

Was there any such thing as above and beyond for the man who’d killed his murderer? Not just killed, nonchalantly- accidentally killed the clown. It was such an anti-climatic death there was no way the Joker wasn’t rolling over in his grave. Cookies were the least Jason could do to thank Danny.

Of course, Hood was also bringing him and his ... kids- food multiple times a week and checking in on Miguel and Santiago when they stayed in their own apartment. He’d made sure to drop by every night after Miguel’s kidnapping and on the third night (the night after learning about Danny’s death which- what the fuck?) after the incident, the boys had gone back to their own place. He’d stopped on their fire escape just to make sure they were fine and had ended up staying and talking with Miguel for a while.

The kid was great; he didn’t have any fear of the Red Hood- most street kids in Crime Alley didn’t- and they’d had a nice long chat. He hadn’t met Santiago yet so he wasn’t sure what to expect, but if he was anything like his brother, Jason was sure they’d get along great.

Still, he felt…. Underdressed? It was a strange sentiment but something was off, something was missing. Irritated by the anxious feeling clawing inside his stomach, Jason pushed away the thoughts and focused instead on something else- anything else.

Arriving at the apartment building he’d been to many times at this point (usually when Danny was at work), Jason parked his bike and headed up. He knew exactly where he was going but it was strange to go there from inside the building instead of through the windows and fire escapes. He knocked on the door he knew was Danny’s, and waited.

There was a loud noise inside (some kind of arguing?) before the door was flung open by a woman who looked exactly like Danny. 

“Dani!” Danny shouted and- okay- that was a weird sentence.

“So you’re Jason?” The girl- Dani..?- said accusatorily.

Jason didn’t know how to respond and instead offered up the cookies. “Yes..?” Okay seriously Todd, when did you start acting like such a coward? Clearing his throat, he tried again. “Yeah, I’m Jason, and you are?”

“I’m Dani- Danny’s younger sister and-”

“You’re both named Danny?”

Danny dug his fingers into his eyes. “Dani, can you please let him in?”

“Oh. Yeah.” She stepped aside and Jason stepped into the familiarly barren apartment. It wasn’t that Danny had no decorations, just��� very few. A few pictures of his friends, a plant with a note next to it saying ‘do NOT kill this one Danny!’, and some random Nasa and space themed memorabilia. Actually most of that seemed new.

“Miguel! Santi! Jason’s here!” Danny called into the apartment. “They’re around here somewhere… You want anything to drink?” He took the cookies from Jason with a head dip and the feeling of Grateful-Nice-Happy washed over him which Jason did not know how to interpret.

Jason brushed it off. “Tea?”

Danny nodded and left to make the tea while Dani got comfortable at the coffee table in the living room. He chose to join her, placing the books he’d brought onto the table. “So Dani, your parents crazy or do they just really like the name Danny?”

She looked at him sharply as he started but softened by the end as if he’d almost offended her. “Ah- no, well yes- he’s Daniel, I’m Danielle, but neither of us like our full names-”

“That’s because the people who call us by our full names are all trying to kill us!” Danny shouted jokingly. Dani nodded sagely- wait- he was joking right?

“So we thought it’d be funny to both go by Danny. I’m Dani-with-an-i and he’s Danny-with-a-y.” She finished, going back to whatever she had been working on before, sticking out her tongue and squinting while writing something down.

“The venn diagram of people who call us by our full names and people who are trying to kill us is a circle, Dani.” Danny said pointedly, caming back into the room with a tray and placing it on the opposite end of the coffee table. That was a joke, right? (Knowing what he knew as Hood, he didn’t actually believe it was.) “Right, I’ve brought cream, sugar, and I didn’t know what tea you liked so I just made black but I have others if you don’t like it.”

“Black tea’s good.” Jason confirmed, adding a bit of sugar and milk to his cup and stirring.

“Sorry we’re late!” The front door opened. Jason thought they were in the apartment? “Someone didn’t wanna come.” 

Looking up, Jason watched as Miguel grumpily kicked off his shoes, dropped his jacket on the nearest chair, and headed to the kitchen, not even offering the living room so much as a hello. Another boy- who looked so much like Miguel but younger and with brighter eyes- hopped into the room and smiled at Danny. 

“No worries, Santi, this is Jason. He’s going to be tutoring you guys in English. Jason, this is Santiago.” Danny gestured between the two.

The boy examined Jason closely, clearly sizing him up, before untensing his shoulders and moving into the living space. “Hi.” He offered somewhat shyly.

Well that was fair, Jason would have been much ruder when he was Santiago’s age. “Hey kid, how’s it going?”

“Better before now.” Miguel grumbled, dragging himself into the room and settling into the armchair furthest from Jason.

Yikes, what crawled up his ass and died?

Looking towards the ceiling, exasperated, Danny sat on the couch- a central location between everyone else and Miguel. Okay. Well. That was probably his cue to start talking. Shit- what had he gotten himself into? He didn’t know how to teach! Even if he’d helped his siblings (not that any of them would admit to that- himself included) and been good at English in high school that didn’t mean he’d be a good teacher!

“Well, before we get into it, I wanted to see what you boys were comfortable doing. I’ve got these,” He rifled through the books he’d brought and pulled out two papers. “They’re writing prompts. After reading the excerpt at the top you write a standard essay and I’ll look over them afterwards to get a better idea of what you guys need help with. Sound good?”

Santiago eyed him warily but nodded slowly. Miguel gave him a blank stare until Danny sighed quietly, then the older boys face cringed slightly before blanking again.

Jason decided to ignore it and hand the boys their papers. “Take all the time you need but remember, I’m just trying to get a feel for where you’re at, it in no way has to be perfect.”

The boys worked for a while, each having moments of frustration. At one point Santiago stood up and went to the kitchen where he- Jason thought- paced for a few minutes before he came back, calmer, and finished the paper. Miguel kept squinting at the page, rereading lines, growing more and more upset until he finally gave back the paper and speed walked out of the apartment.

Sharing a look with Danny, Jason wondered if that was normal. Was he squinting because he didn’t understand the wording? Or maybe he had poor eyesight? Jason continued to contemplate what it could have been about while Danny followed after the older boy.

“Don’t worry about him.” Santiago said quietly, not looking up from the other school work he’d been doing while waiting for Miguel to finish his essay. “He gets overwhelmed. Thinks ‘e’s stupid er somethin’.”

Ah. Well. Jason understood that sentiment. He’d loved school, as a kid who’d never had the opportunity to go and didn’t think he ever would, going to school (especially college) had been Jason’s dream. That didn’t mean he thought he was smart enough for it. Alfred (and even Bruce) had been privy to some very embarrassing meltdowns about how stupid Jason thought he was.

(Was, past tense, because Jason certainly didn’t think that now. Even if Timbers constantly figured things out that Jason couldn’t possibly hope to figure out on his own. Even if Damian had a larger vocabulary and better grades than he’d had at the same age. Even if Duke had just graduated as valedictorian with honors while maintaining his daylight vigilante lifestyle. Even if every single member of his family was ten times smarter than he was- he was still smart. Yeah. No childhood insecurities had carried into adulthood here- no sir.)

“Well, I’m sure that’s not true. He just thinks that cause he’s from the streets. I thought I was stupid too when I lived on the streets.” Jason said nonchalantly, feeling Dani’s eyes on him. “So Santiago, I brought a couple of books- you can choose which one we start with and find something you might enjoy, how’s that sound?”

Miguel never came back. Danny did, with a poorly hidden frustration masked behind optimism. At least it didn’t seem like Santiago was able to pick up on Danny’s jitteriness or frustration. After the essay and picking a book to read (He’d chosen The Giver) Jason had given him a workbook and instructed him on how to correct the sentences in the module. Some were missing commas, some were missing capitalization, and so on and so forth.

Dani had long since abandoned what she’d been working on so Jason took a look. What? He was curious. She was getting her GED- something he’d considered on and off for years- and he just wanted to know what went into it. So he was curious, sue him.

Someone cleared their throat causing Jason to jump and look around quickly. Danny was jerking his head towards the kitchen and with a glance at Santiago, who’d apparently fallen asleep with his head on the table. Stealthily, Jason followed the man into the kitchen and checked the time on his way. Huh, he’d been here for almost two hours at this point- longer than he’d thought.

“Sorry about all that.” Danny spoke, quietly. “You want anything to eat? Drink? You’ve been here a while.”

Jason shrugged, feigning indifference. “I wouldn’t say no to some more tea.”

Danny nodded, putting the kettle on the stove and getting everything ready. “Your money’s on the table.” He gestured again with his head and Jason tried to ignore the way his hair fell over his eyes every time. “Miguel might take some time before he really participates in your lessons, I appreciate your patience.” 

Leaning against the counter, Jason shrugged. “Not a big deal, really. Reminds me of myself when I was his age- actually, he’s a lot less angry than I was at seventeen.” A lot less murdery too.

“Yeah… Me too.”

Whipping his head around, Jason caught Danny staring into one of the mugs he’d just put a tea bag into. His stare was thoughtful, considering, until he snapped out of it and looked up to meet Jason’s eyes and- oh god. He was staring. He couldn’t help it. He’d never seen blue eyes so dark before. Almost all of his siblings had blue eyes, but they were just… blue. Danny’s eyes were dark blue, reflecting the kitchen lights and sparkling like the night sky and they were perfectly framed by his long dark eyelashes and-

“Jason?”

Forcefully pulling himself out of whatever the fuck kind of trance he’d just voluntarily gone into, Jason tried to focus. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

Danny tilted his head. “I… wasn’t.”

“Oh.”

Their attention was pulled away from each other as the kettle started to whistle quietly. Danny turned it off quickly and Jason remembered the boy asleep in the other room. A mug of tea, with a little cream and sugar, was quickly pushed into Jason’s hands and he took it gratefully.

“Well, thank you for tonight. Hopefully next time goes a bit better.” Danny leaned against the opposite counter and lightly blew the steam from the top of his mug.

Jason nodded. “Well maybe whatever put Miguel in a bad mood today won’t affect him next time.”

Letting out a small chuckle, Danny shook his head. “I doubt it. I think it’s mostly me making him do school stuff. He… thinks he’s stupid. He’s not, but he’s not really good at school stuff and he doesn’t have the patience. Again, reminds me of myself in that aspect.”

Thinking for a moment, Jason cut in. “I think you should get him tested for dyslexia.”

Danny froze momentarily before looking up to meet Jason’s eyes again. “Why do you say that?”

“He was squinting at the page. Maybe he just needs glasses, but I noticed a lot of spelling errors when I glanced at his work earlier. It would explain his frustration with school stuff. Santiago has some interesting tics too and seemed…” He got angry at his next thought. “Scared every time I noticed him fidgeting or making noise.”

The man closed his eyes. “Yeah… I… noticed that too.” Jason noted the way the man’s voice cracked. “They don’t like to talk about their parents, from what I’ve gathered their dad was quite abusive.”

Jason and Danny shared a knowing look, each saying they understood. It wasn’t something he’d wanted to see in Danny’s eyes, but the longer Jason looked into them the more he got the idea that Danny’d been through more than he let on with his optimistic ‘I’m helping people for the sake of helping people cause that’s the right thing to do’ attitude.

“Well, things will only get better the longer they’re with someone who takes care of and loves them. Certainly helped me.” He added the last bit quietly. Danny hummed in acknowledgement, but not agreement. The realization that they were the same- that they’d had abusive dads (that they’d died), that they’d been angry teens, it had made Jason wonder if (hope) Danny had had a Bruce.

But his hum had been acknowledgement not understanding and not everyone was as lucky as he’d been. Sure, he and Bruce didn’t see eye to eye a lot of the time, they’d had their fights, he’d said bad things about Bruce (some of which he believed), but he’d had Bruce. Danny clearly hadn’t had anyone to help him out of his shitty home. Someone who believed in him and pushed him to be the best version of himself he could while also taking care of his emotional needs. 

Danny’d been trapped.

“I’m sorry.” Jason said before he could stop himself.

“Hm?” Danny looked up from wherever he’d been staring a moment before. “For what?”

Letting out a puff of air, Jason frowned. “I didn’t mean to… bring up any… bad memories.”

The man’s eyes softened and god how were his eyes so beautiful and deep? “Don’t worry about it.” He waved his hand casually. “It’s all in the past. Besides, I’ve got bigger worries now.”

“I guess you do.” Jason agreed. “But if you- uh, ever want to talk… I’m willing to listen.”

The look Danny gave him made him feel small. Not in a bad way- more like… he felt appreciated and he wasn’t exactly used to that. Like he’d done something worthy of Danny’s gratitude. “I’ll keep you in mind if I ever need to talk, Jason.”

Emboldened by the surge of positive emotions (a rarity for Jason), he smirked. “You can keep me in mind for more than that, doll.”

“Oh, we’re back to this, huh?” But Danny’s voice was only filled with mirth. “What else should I keep you in mind for then, Darling?”

Unwilling to back down this time- he was prepared for Danny’s flirting this time around- Jason looked the man up and down suggestively. “I can think of a few things, but I think I’d better take you to dinner first.”

“Is that right? Just dinner? Or were you thinking about dessert too?” Danny glanced between Jason's eyes and his lips, licking his own.

Fuuuuck this man was going to kill him.

Jason leaned forward. “I’m always thinkin’ about dessert, doll.”

Opening his mouth to respond, Danny’s smirk dropped quickly and Jason wondered if he’d said something wrong. Gearing up to apologize for crossing a line, he was interrupted as Miguel turned the corner and eyed the two of them warily. Studying Danny fleetingly, Jason wondered how he’d known the boy was coming in- even Jason hadn’t heard the door open or his footsteps. Though that might have been more due to the pounding of his heartbeat being the only thing he could hear.

“Miguel.” Danny greeted happily. “You want some tea?”

The boy looked between the two men before scoffing, turning on his heel, and leaving the exact way he’d just come in.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Danny seemed to be calming himself. “Sorry about that.” He started, still visibly calming down. 

“No worries, really. Teenagers gonna be teenagers, right?” Jason shrugged.

“Yeah I just didn’t think I’d have to deal with it at the ripe age of twenty-two- er… three, I guess..”

Jason tilted his head. 

“It always takes me a while to get used to saying a new age. Anyways, I should probably get Santiago to a bed and see what’s going on with Miguel today.” Danny scooped an envelope up from the table and offered it to Jason. “This is what I owe you, I hope tonight hasn’t completely deterred you from tutoring the boys.”

Taking the (ridiculously thick) envelope from Danny, Jason pocketed it. “Nah, it takes a lot more than that to scare me off. I’ll get out of your hair so you can take care of your- uh take care of the kids.”

Danny, who definitely didn’t miss Jason’s slip-up if his doubtful look was anything to go by, led him to the door and waited for Jason to slip his shoes on before opening the door. “I’ll see you Wednesday.” He saluted casually before walking away- why the fuck did he salute?!- and heard the door close behind him.

Taking a moment to relax (why had he been so tense?), Jason let out a deep breath. 

“Yeah, must be exhausted.” Jason whipped around to see Miguel crouching outside his apartment, twirling a pencil. The remark was sarcastic and followed up with an eye roll but Jason couldn’t help being a little happy the kid had willingly spoken to him.

Turning to face the kid fully, Jason tried to push out an aura of calm. “Not really. Why would you think that?”

Miguel rolled his eyes and stood up. “Don’t play stupid.”

“I’m not playin’, kid.” Jason shrugged.

“I’m sure teachin’ a idiot for two hours and then fallin’ all over Danny is exhaustin’.” Miguel spat. “So, you must be exhausted.”

Oh. Okay. So that’s what this was about. “It’s not nice to call your brother an idiot.” 

Affronted, Miguel sputtered. “What- I didn’- I would never- I meant me ya dumbass!” He hissed, seemingly aware that his brother was asleep in the other apartment and Danny had really good hearing which- wait was that another meta thing?

“You weren’t with us for two hours.” Jason shrugged. “Besides, neither of you are idiots.”

“Oh please- I was failin’ school ‘fore I dropped out, no way I’m gettin’ back in no matter how hard Danny tries.” Despite the venom it was said with, Jason could tell there was more sadness than anything else. He knew that feeling.

“Listen, Miguel-”

“Don’ act like we’re friends!” Miguel whisper-shouted across the hall, opening his apartment door. “An’ leave Danny alone- he ain’t interested in someone like you- he already has someone ‘e likes!”

And then he slammed the door, negating all his work to keep quiet, and likely alerting Danny to the argument and waking Santiago if he hadn’t been awake already. Jason hightailed it out of there not wanting to be caught still standing outside Danny’s apartment.

The ride back to his apartment felt longer than it was as he replayed the conversation he’d had with Danny through the lens of ‘him already having someone he likes’. It sure seemed like they’d been on the same page earlier. Jason hadn’t been too cryptic, right? Everyone knew what ‘dessert’ implied while flirting, right? He’d been the one to bring it up!

By the time Jason got back to his place it was almost nine which meant he’d need to start patrol soon so he definitely didn’t have time to be overthinking every expression and word that’d passed between the two of them. (He still did.)

“Jay! You made cookies and didn’t save me any?!” A familiarly obnoxious voice greeted him when he opened the door. 

Groaning inwardly, Jason scowled. “What are you doing here, Dickface?”

“Can’t a big brother visit his baby brother?”

Technically, Dick was in his Nightwing suit, so he probably shouldn’t be connecting them so obviously. But Jason had never given a flying fuck about B’s rules. “Not your baby brother.” Jason muttered, kicking off his boots and placing the stack of books he’d brought to Danny’s (Minus the Giver) onto the kitchen counter. “What do you want?”

Dick frowned. “You’re usually out by now, wanted to see what was up and then I found you made cookies and didn’t save me any!” 

There was no evidence that Jason had made cookies (he cleaned up as he went, thank you very much) but there was a lingering smell and when it came to sweets, Dick could always sniff out anything. “They were for a friend.”

His brother gasped. Great, now he’d done it. “A friend? You have a friend, Jaybird? Who is it? Why’d you make them cookies? Are they more than a friend?”

“Shut up, Big bird.” Jason grumbled, collapsing back onto his couch and closing his eyes.

The gasp his brother let out this time was louder than the last. “They are more than a friend! Little wing! Were you on a date?”

As if. Too bad Danny ‘already likes someone else’. Shaking away his self pity party, Jason reminded himself of Danny’s flirting. The things he said weren’t something you just said to anyone- right? Of course, they hadn’t known each other that long- sure, Red Hood had known Danny for almost two months, but Jason had just met the guy a couple weeks ago. Maybe Danny was just a flirt?

“Jayyy!” Dick whined. “Tell me about your friend!”

Burying his face into the crook of his elbow, Jason tried to ignore the man’s incessant whining. Until he couldn’t. It was just-so annoying. “Dick! Shut up!” Despite being thoroughly annoyed, Jason noted the distinct lack of green in his vision- something that definitely should have turned up by now. “He’s just a friend, the cookies were a thank-you, now get out of my apartment!”

Pushing the man towards his window, Jason begged whatever gods were listening that none of the other bats were listening at the moment. 

“Okayyyyy,” Dick whined. “But next time I come over you need to tell me all about your boy friend that’s not your boyfriend.”

“Get out!” Jason shoved him.

Falling onto the fire escape his brother grunted but finally took the hint, leaping off the landing and grappling away. Finally, some peace. He deserved a moment of peace and quiet, he’d had a long day- hell a long week. He’d wanted to visit Danny as Hood again, get some more answers, but every night had been filled with B&E’s, robberies, muggings, his own drug bust he’d been working on for a while, and a case Cass had asked him to help on.

He’d stopped by to see Miguel only once in the last week and hadn’t gotten the chance to stop by Danny’s before getting pulled away again. It had been a long and frustrating week. Tonight had been especially frustrating in its own unique way.

Gearing up, he pleaded with the same gods from earlier for one quiet night. Just one, just so he could ask Danny what the fuck he meant by- well everything he’d said.

He did not, in fact, get his wish.

Prev. Next

[thesmollestsnek]

Today in the snek rambles about random fandom things, we have: Danny’s age! Specifically, how he ages long-term, seeing as he half-died at fourteen.

Now, a lot of the fics I see that age Danny up in some way have his human body aging, either normally or occasionally at a slower rate, and his ghost form naturally changing to mimic that. Almost as common are the fics where Danny’s human form ages while his ghost form stays at the age he died. And don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of fun to be had with both those options. I’ve seen some great fics playing with both those concepts.

…But yknow what I haven’t seen?

A fic where Danny’s ghost form is the one that ages, while his human form stays the same. Think about it, a ghost’s form is malleable, and doesn’t necessarily reflect what a person originally looked like so much as what they think they should be. This is almost alway the explanation given for Danny’s ghost form aging with him, when a fic writer decides to go that route. Ghost forms are malleable, it makes perfect sense for Danny’s Phantom form to be capable of aging, so long as Danny believes that it should be.

…but you wanna know what isn’t so malleable? A human body. And for all that Danny’s still alive, he’s also dead, and while the show seems to portray Danny and Phantom as two separate halves with little to no bleedover, fanon seems to prefer having the boundaries between death and life in one Danny Phantom be much blurrier. As do I. Danny is a human who is dead, just as Phantom is a ghost who is alive. Both and neither at the same time. And while living humans age, dead ones don’t.

So. When Danny walked into the portal, he died. And regardless of how you want to argue semantics of resurrection and was there a brief period of time when he was only dead and he was also alive when he left the portal, he did die and a part of him stayed dead. Meaning that, by some definitions, his human body can be considered a corpse. And corpses don’t age.

Just, imagine the potential angst there, of Danny realizing, a year or two or three after the accident that no, he’s not just a late bloomer. He’s just. Not. Aging. And never will again, at least as a human. How long did it take him to recognize that fact? …how long did it take for him to realize that he can never seamlessly blend into human society again? His Phantom form is obviously not human, and his human one will never make it past fourteen.

…But then, his ghost form is still aging, it never stopped even after he noticed that the two forms no longer look the same. Even after he accepts that Danny Fenton will never make it past fourteen. There’s a part of him that recognizes that he’s still alive and that he should be aging, so Phantom grows up even though Fenton never will.

Which, if you’re inclined to keep piling on the angst, can also serve to isolate him from ghost society. A being of change trying to fit into a community of people who will forever stay the same. Preserved exactly as they were at their time of death. Except for Danny. Who’s still the odd one out, even in death. A ghost who’s growing up and a human who’ll forever remain a child.

…

Orrrr if you’re not in the mood for soul-crushing angst, you can also use this concept for fun and hijinks. Age Danny up a couple decades, plop him into any world with other superheroes, and watch the identity shenanigans take over. I’m especially fond of this being done with the Justice League, because he’s basically a reverse Captain Marvel. Imagine, the League finds out that their adult coworker is actually a small child masquerading as a grownass man through the power of a magically aged-up superhero form and a lot of bullshit. They see that when Billy Batson is in his civilian/human form he returns to his actual age. And then they see phantom, another coworker who, when not in the form they use for heroics, physically turns into a child. And so they go “we got this, no further clarification needed.” (Spoiler alert: they do not, in fact, got this).

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

The voice over the phone (Christen Press x Reader)

My postgrad is finally done and I slept 14 hours straight so you get a random fic in celebration. Hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: Slight mentions of homophobia and being disowned.

Words: 4.3k

Some people, well actually probably a lot of people would say it was stupid to fall in love with a voice over the phone. A voice belonging to a women you had never met, let alone seen or knew the name of. It happened to me though. I had no intentions of feeling anything for this person, but slowly it happened. We started out as two strangers who happened to find each other and start talking to each other. The more we talked, the more we opened up and soon enough, I was telling her everything I was thinking, feeling, experiencing. I could be vulnerable with her. She was doing the same. I didn't know her real name, where she lived or anything revealing of her identity besides her age and gender. Neither did she about me. It was safe, anonymous. After a couple of months of talking, she brought up the idea of a phone call. 

Once I heard her soft, slightly raspy voice for the first time, I was hooked. It was soothing, comforting in a way I had never heard before. We talked every night. About our days, problems, frustrations, and anything else we wanted to get off our chests. Talking to her was easy, either because of the anonymity of it or because she was comforting. I didn't know, but I knew I never wanted it to end. Maybe I wasn't falling in love with her, I was definitely in love with her voice though.

Of course we had talked about the idea of meeting or at least revealing what we looked like. I would've loved to know what she looked like, but we decided that for now at least, we wanted to stay hidden. Maybe one day it would happen. 

Well that day happened sooner than I anticipated. It was my first camp for the USWNT. I had just arrived when I heard it. The soft, raspy voice of the anonymous girl from the phone. I spun around, eyes landing on a tall, tan, brunette with the most gorgeous green eyes. It was her. She didn't seem to recoganise me when I spoke to her. Which was both a relief and sent anxiousness through me. I had to decide if I told her or not. I didn't want to make things weird or stop our conversations. Talking with Christen was something I loved doing. Since I had her to talk to, I felt lighter, more relaxed. I knew it was wrong, but I let the fear overshadow that and decided not to tell Christen. 

---

I was in a secluded corner of the hotel, talking to Christen over the phone when she walked around the corner. I froze, thinking about ending the phone call, but that would be suspicious, I also went to mute the phone call, but it was too late. Christen was already speaking.

"Y/n?" Christen questioned, her voice echoing through the phone. She froze, looking at her phone then me, "You- you're Alice?"

Alice was the fake name I had given her when we first started talking. It was the first thing that came to mind when we decided on fake names.  "Uh yeah."

"Holy shit. Why don't you seem surprised by this?"

It had already been two weeks of lying to her every time we talked. I couldn't keep doing it, even though I knew things weren't going to go well. So I reluctantly told her the truth, "I already knew who you were." 

"How did you know? How long have you known? Why didn't you tell me?" Christen asked, hurt and betrayal clear as day on her face. 

"Since the start of camp, I recoganised your voice. I didn't want to make things weird. We know too much about each other that no one else does. Things would either go great or things would get weird and I didn't want that to happen. I'm sorry, I know I should have told you."

"You should have told me. I had the right to know."

"I know, Chris I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Anger replaced the hurt as she stepped back, putting as much distance between us as possible. My eyes stung with tears. I knew what was about to happen and I knew it was my fault. I didn't have the right to be upset about it. "Whatever this was, is done. I don't want to hear from you on that stupid app ever again, hell I would never talk to you again if we weren't on the same fucking team. I trusted you. I trusted you with stuff that no one else knows. With how easy it was for you to lie to me, now I have to worry that you'll tell everyone here."

I attempted to swallow the lump in my throat, the last thing I wanted was her to see me break,  "Despite what it seems like, lying to you wasn't easy Chris. I hate myself for it. Thank you for the last few months, I know you might not believe it, but you have no idea how much it meant to me. I'm sorry I broke your trust, it was never my intention. I won't ever tell anyone anything you've told me, I swear."

Christen walked away without another word as I sunk back against the wall, tears finally slipping out. I should have told her the second I realised who she was. Now I had lost the one person in this world I could open up to about anything and it was my own stupid fault. Everything in me was telling me to run after her, to beg for forgiveness, but that wasn't fair to her. She had already been hurt enough by me, I didn't need to add to that. 

---

A few months had past since Christen found out and I had lost her. She had been ignoring me ever since. I had spent a few days moping, watching the hidden sadness surrounding Christen while trying to hide my own. After a few days, I decided it wasn't my right to be sad when I was the one who had hurt her. I got myself together, at least to anyone looking at me. Inside, I still beat myself up everyday, I found myself looking at our messages, reading through them, unable to delete them or going to message her when I had a bad day. It was torture. I knew it wasn't healthy, but I couldn't stop myself. 

I was sitting on the bed in the hotel room, waiting to see who my roommate was. She walked through the door. I froze once again, cursing the universe who seemed to be against me. Of course this would happen to me. I noticed her frown before I picked up my headphones and key and leaving the room. She didn't want me around, she had made that perfectly clear. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable or remind her more than needed about what happened so I was going to do my best to avoid her while we had to share a room. 

Since camp started, I had stayed out of the room all day, not returning until Christen was asleep, unless I knew she wasn't there. I was up, ready and out the door before she woke up. I was exhausted, but it was worth it to not make her uncomfortable. It also avoided the pain I felt when I saw her. The pain during training and team bonding was enough. 

We had a day off, I didn't know what to do with myself. The tiredness was setting in, I didn't feel like doing anything so instead I was just sitting in the hotel garden, re-reading the messages between Christen and I. Today I was determined to actually delete the messages between us. It wasn't good for my mental health anymore. Just as I was about to delete them, a message popped up.

Footygirl_88: My roommate is ignoring me. She comes back when I'm asleep and leaves again before I wake up. I know me and her aren't on good terms at the moment, but I'm worried about her. She can't be getting much sleep. There are always bags under her eyes and she just looks sad all the time even though she tries to hide it. 

SoccerNerd19: Maybe she feels guilty about what happened between you two? That she ruined everything and doesn't know if it can ever be fixed. Maybe she's giving you space because you made it clear you don't want to be around her and she doesn't want to make you uncomfortable. Maybe seeing you hurts her because she knows she fucked up and beats herself up for it everyday, even if she doesn't have the right to feel that way.  

Three little dots appears for a few seconds before disappearing. I sighed, putting my phone in my pocket figuring the conversation was probably over. Maybe 10 minutes later there was a buzz in my pocket. 

Footygirl_88: Yes I wanted space, but I never wanted her to exhaust herself out because of it. It's her room as well, she has every right to be here. Being around her doesn't make me uncomfortable, it's confusing, but never uncomfortable. 

Footygirl_88: I don't know how I feel, what I think. It's like a jumbled mess of hurt, confusion, anger, but also missing and understanding. I miss talking to her everyday, having someone to confide in. I also understand part of why she hid it, she didn't want things to get weird, but I also don't understand. She said she trusted me with everything, but she didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth. 

SoccerNerd19: She was scared that if you found out who she was then everything would stop. Scared you would stop talking to her, stop opening up, that things would get weird and she would lose you. That was the last thing she ever wanted to happen, she couldn't imagine not talking to you anymore. Despite not knowing what you looked liked, where you lived, what you did or even your real name, she started to feel feelings for you that scared her. Honestly, it made her feel kind of crazy. I mean, how could you start having feelings for someone that you've never seen let alone met?

Footygirl_88: I never wanted to stop talking to her either. I get that she was scared, but things weren't necessarily going to change. She never even tried to find out. 

Footygirl_88: Do you think I should talk to her? Or is it too late?

SoccerNerd19: If you feel comfortable talking to her then you should, I know she would like that, but the last thing she wants is for you to feel uncomfortable.

Footygirl_88: Can you come back to the room please? We should talk

It was a lot easier to talk to her when pretending to be someone else. To say I was nervous was an understatement, I had just told her things that I would have only told the girl on the phone. Except the girl on the phone was Christen Press and I was around her a lot these days. I had also admitted to having feelings for her. 

I slowly made my way back to the room. I was scared and nervous, almost tempted to run away. However, If there was even the slightest chance of having any form of relationship with her, I had to push aside the nerves and fear and talk to her.

"H-hey."

"Hi. I wasn't sure you even still had the app, but I thought I would give it a shot."

I awkwardly sat down on my bed, "I was actually about to delete it when your message popped up. I've spent too long these last few months re-reading our conversations, trying to stop myself from messaging you."

"I was thinking about doing that, but I couldn't bring myself to. We've had a lot of good conversations. You know, you have a stronger accent on the phone then you do in person. I think that's why I didn't recoganise you."

"When I'm tired I do. Most of the time when we talked it was after a long day where I was tired. I tend to dull down my accent around some people, but with you I never felt the need to do that."

"I like your accent." I was raised in Barcelona and had picked up the accent. I didn't necessarily like it all the time, it made me feel like I stood out, but when Christen told me she liked it, I felt a little less self conscious.    

We sat in silence for a few seconds before I spoke up again, unable to just sit in silence anymore, "W-what did you want to talk about?"

"You're not crazy for developing feelings because I like you too. I jus-"

"You don't know if you can trust me."

Christen sighed, shifting to sit cross-legged on the bed, "It's not that I don't trust you Y/n. I probably trust you more than anyone. Which is saying something because up until a few months ago, I had no idea who you were. I'm just hurt that I had to find out by myself, that you didn't feel like you could tell me. Maybe I'm also a bit worried that if anything came up that you thought I would react badly to or any other negative reaction, that you wouldn't tell me."

"I'm sorry Chris, I know I should have told you, I wanted to tell you. I'm not going to recount all the reasons I didn't because you already know. It won't be like that again, I swear. The last thing I want or wanted I guess was to lose you. Honesty even when it's hard. I don't expect us to go back to how we were, at least not for a while. If you could find it in yourself to give me another chance, to re-prove myself, I will do everything I can to do that. There's no pressure, I understand if you can't."

"I think I can do that. It might take a while, but I don't want to give this up without at least trying to fix it. You can start by not running away and actually being around the room. We can't fix things if you're never around, also I meant it when I said I was worried. How much sleep have you been getting?"

"Maybe five hours max, but on average four."

"Y/n!" Christen scolded, "Never do that again or I will actually stop talking to you for good."

"Okay okay, promise."

---

It had taken a few weeks for us to stop being awkward around each other. The team didn't know what happened, but they definitely caught on to the tension and weirdness between us. I think they were just relieved we were getting along. We hadn't had any deep, personal or late night talks like we used to, we were actually talking and hanging out again though. Occasionally, we would have conversations on the app like we used to, pretending we didn't know each other. They just weren't as personal. 

Today however, was a shit day. My father, who had disowned me when I came out to him, who I hadn't heard from in about 3 years, messaged me out of the blue. I didn't know how to process it, so I messaged the one person I knew who could help me through it. I didn't know if she would want to have that type of conversation yet, but it was worth a shot. I knew I could have just texted her, but at the moment this way felt safer.

SoccerNerd19: I don't know if you want to do this again so feel free to ignore me, but I'm spiraling.

SoccerNerd19: My father messaged me today. I don't know what to think, how to feel, how to process it. 

My phone rung not even ten seconds later. Christens name flashing across the screen. I hesitated for a second before answering. 

Hi

Hey Y/n/n. What did he want?

He said that he had done a lot of thinking over the last three years, that he realised he had made a huge mistake and wants to see me. 

How do you feel about seeing him?

He's my dad, of course I miss him, but he did something no father should do. I trusted him, I showed him a part of me and he just threw me aside after telling me he would always love me unconditionally, that he would always be there when I needed him. Turns out it was all a lie, his love was conditional on me being straight. On me fitting into his ideals. When he disowned me, it destroyed me. It took me at least a year and a half to start being a tiny bit okay again. I'm still not completely okay, I still find myself lying in bed late at night thinking about how we used to be, spending birthdays and holidays wishing that despite everything he was there. I don't know if I can bring myself to take the risk of undoing all my progress by seeing him. 

You don't have to see him if you don't want to or you can wait until you feel like you're ready to see him. I know how much he hurt you, but maybe talking to him will help you heal. Whether that is just seeing him once then deciding to try rebuild your relationship or deciding you never want to see him again. Whatever you choose, I'm here with you Y/n.

Thank you Chris

If you decide to see him, maybe we can arrange it for next camp and I can come with you. If that's something you might want of course.

I would really appreciate that Chris, but you don't have to. It's my problem, I don't want to put you in an un-

I want to Y/n. I meant it when I said I'm here with you. You just have to let me in, let me be there for you. You don't have to make the decision right now, but when you do let me know okay? Don't push me away. 

Okay. You're amazing Chris, thank you.

It was camp time again and Christen and I were roomed together. I had decided to give seeing my dad a chance. I didn't know if I would keep seeing him, but maybe seeing him would help close some wounds. It was happening tomorrow and Christen was coming with me. It had crossed my mind to not tell her because I felt bad about bringing her into my situation, but we had gone back to our almost nightly conversations and I had promised not to push her away. I wasn't about to make the same mistake twice. Besides, I really wanted Christen with me. 

Christen had gone out while I was trying to have an early night to stop myself from freaking out. Trying being the main word there. The door opened and closed quietly, surprising me because I didn't expect her back so soon. 

"Hey, are you awake?"

"Yeah. What's up?"

"Can we maybe try having one of our conversations in person?"

I pat the empty side of the bed, waiting for Christen to climb under the blankets before speaking again, "What's going on?"

"I don't know, I just feel off today."

"Okay, why don't you try name some of the things you're feeling?"

I had my eyes closed, lying on my side next to her. It was how I normally talked to her over the phone. I don't know why, it was just a habit that had formed. "You're not going to fall asleep on me are you?"

"No, this is how I have always talked to you. Now stop avoiding it."

"I just feel irritable, all over the place, down. Just everything all at once and I don't know why. I had to leave dinner because everything felt wrong."

"Can I try something?" Christen nodded so I shifted, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her tightly. Christen sunk into me, a relieved sigh slipping out. I held her until she slowly pulled away, small smile on her face. 

"I think I needed that. Thank you."

"Perks of being together for our talks."

"I think I want to do this more often. The phone calls are great, but it's really nice being close to you when we talk or even just in general. I like being around you Y/n."

"Me too Chris."

Christen said she was feeling better so we started talking about random things instead. Now that the awkwardness had disappeared, it was just like all our conversations over the phone, but better because we were together. The only problem was that the feelings I had began to develop for the girl over the phone, had started to develop rather quickly for Christen. Yes they were the same person, but it was different. I knew a lot about Christen over the phone, while I was still getting to know who she was in person. There was always the urge to kiss her or at the very least ask her out. She had confessed to liking me too, but I was still nervous. She was also getting to know me as a person, what if she didn't like that person? Also, after what happened, I didn't want to rush into anything . 

At some point I must have fallen asleep because I woke up with Christens arm wrapped tightly around me. Christen stirred, quickly going to move back. Before she could, I caught her hand, lacing our fingers together, "Please don't."

Her thumb ran over the mine, making me relax again, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, it doesn't have to mean anything, but please can we just stay like this for a while?"

"Okay. Are you nervous about today?"

"I don't know, I don't know what I'm feeling. Honestly, I'm trying not to think about it for now."

Christen pulled me further against her, holding me tighter and kissing just below my ear. I melted against her, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of her lips against my skin, even if it was innocent, "I've got you."

---

We had just gotten back from seeing my dad. It had gone better than I expected. I was able to finally be honest with him about what he had done to me and how he had made me feel. He had apologised profusely, acknowledging that nothing he could say would change what he did, but he wanted to try rebuild our relationship if I was comfortable with it. I didn't know what I wanted, if I could handle that. It was something I was willing to think about at least. 

I was feeling better than I thought I would be, but things were still kind of messy. Christen pulled me in for a hug which I sunk into instantly. Since we met, I had fallen in love with Christens hugs. They were warm and comforting, the type of hug that you sunk into and never wanted to leave. Eventually though, I pulled myself away, but didn't go far. I felt myself leaning in before I could stop myself. When I felt her breath fanning against my lips, I quickly pulled back. It wasn't the first time this had happened, but it was the closest I had gotten, "Shit I'm sorry."

Christen huffed, catching my arm before I could go put anymore distance between us, "Can you just kiss me already?"

I searched her face for any signs of discomfort or hesitance. When I didn't find any, I cupped her cheek, connecting our lips in a soft, short kiss. There were butterflies, sparks and every other cliché thing you could think of. It felt better than I ever could have imagined. Christen pulled me back in, lips gliding across mine as if they had a thousand times before. 

Unfortunately, my phone rang, ruining the moment. It did however remind me that I was supposed to be at a photoshoot right now. I pulled away quickly to answer the call, frantically apologising and assuring them I would be there in a few minutes. Thankfully it was in the hotel. 

"Shit, I'm so sorry I have to go. I'm late for my photoshoot."

Christen pecked my lips before pushing me to the door, "I'll see you later."

A few hours later I ended up back in our room. Christen wasn't there so I flopped down on the bed. I knew the team was doing something, but I couldn't bring myself to go. Between seeing my dad, finally kissing Christen then having to deal with a photo shoot on top of that, it had been an exhausting day. Both mentally and physically. Before I knew it, my eyes grew heavy and I quickly fell asleep. 

I felt the bed dip next to me, Christens perfume filling my senses. Instead of saying anything or even opening my eyes, I just pushed myself up against her side, burying my face against her neck. "The girls missed you at team bonding."

"Just the girls?" I mumbled, feeling her shiver slightly.

Christen left a lingering kiss against my temple, "Maybe I missed you too, but they did keep asking about you."

"I'm sorry I didn't come. I just don't think I could've been around people after today."

"Don't apologise darling, I know today was hard. I told them you had your photoshoot so you wouldn't make it."

Finally, I pulled myself away, but only just enough to connect our lips. "I didn't mean to kiss and run earlier."

"I know you didn't, it's okay. We both got caught up and lost track of time. I'm just glad you finally did kiss me."

"Let me take you out tonight? Like a proper date."

Christen smiled, fingers running through my hair, "That could be acceptable, are you sure feel up to it though? We can always do tomorrow instead."

"There's nothing I would rather do then take a beautiful women out and spoil the shit out of her like she deserves. In five minutes though because I don't think I've ever been this comfy."  

[thetragicallynerdy]

Okay so, I made a thread about this over on twitter, and thought I'd drop it here too. OFMD Season 2 spoilers ahead. An idea that I've seen a few times and felt I needed to yell about is the idea that OFMD is now ableist, and that it is wrong to like and enjoy it as a show. As a queer disabled person, it's something that pisses me off so, so much. I'm not going to defend everything that happens in OFMD. But I am going to say that it is one of the best shows I know for showing both a broad range of disabilities, and presenting those disabilities in a largely neutral light. We have multiple amputees, multiple people with chronic pain , multiple characters with mental health issues, and more. We have Pete's speech impediment, Wee John's back, Lucius' finger, Jackie's hand, Ed's mental health, Stede's mental health - and yeah, Izzy's leg. The way that these disabilites are presented is important to me - because they're just another part of the person, not good or bad. There are obviously impacts and things to work through - Ed's mental health being one, Izzy's leg being another - but they ARE worked through. Ed's suicidality - which spans over two entire seasons - is addressed. So is the moments of Izzy's. Izzy gets support and a prosthetic, Lucius gets support and a prosthetic, we see Wee John sitting down in most scenes which would support his back. Disability isn't just ignored, or played off for laughs, but neither is it made the entire plot point. Izzy is just as much of a badass as before. Lucius' finger doesn't stop his work. Jackie's hand doesn't make her less fearsome. Ed's mental health (and Izzy's, and Stede's) don't make them less deserving of love. None of the character's disabilities do. In fact, we see two disabled characters - Lucius and Pete - getting married at the end of the season. And that's important. It's so important!!

If you're sad and upset that Izzy died, that's incredibly valid. But to say that it "shows that disabled characters have nothing to live for" - when his death wasn't related to his disability at all - is so incredibly offensive. I am permanently disabled, to the point that I cannot work full time. I have seen posts about my disability saying that it would be better to die than to have it. But nothing - NOTHING - in OFMD suggests that it would've been better for Izzy to die than to have an amputation. Instead he is supported, encouraged, and loved. He is given a carefully crafted prosthetic, and given space to learn how to use it. He gets support, and his mental health improves. He is given a beautiful life. And then he dies. But his death is not about his disability. I'm going to repeat that - his death is NOT about his disability. Nor is it about being queer. It's shitty, random luck. I'm sure there are people who are going to say that the writers, simply by having a disabled queer character die, are ableist and queerphobic. But nothing we see in the show supports that. They show queer joy and delight and love and happy endings over and over again. They show care and support of disabilities, over and over again. And they specifically show queer disabled people living beautiful lives, over and over again. One character's death doesn't undo that. I'm sorry that your favourite character died. I really, truly am. It's a devastating feeling. I'm sorry that it hurts. But if you're taking it as a sign that the show is saying queer disabled people have no right to live? Then you're ignoring the rest of the show.

You're ignoring all the beautiful queer disabled characters we see, and the messages that the show tells us about them. You're ignoring the beautiful life and redemption that Izzy got. And yeah, you're being offensive as hell to queer disabled people. Sorry, you are.

And if you're queer and disabled and can't see a queer disabled character die - that's incredibly valid. I understand. However, that doesn't mean the show or writers hate you, or hates us, or wants you to die. They've shown us over and over again that actually, they love us.

Also - would you be this pissed if it was any other disabled character who died? Probably not.

I think it's also really important to have stories where disabled people are treated like people. And yeah, that means that sometimes we die. Because that happens in life, too. Same with queer people.

I don't really have a satisfying conclusion to this. I'm just queer and disabled, and really tired of seeing it said that it's now morally wrong to like this show. It's not. I'm queer, disabled, and I see more disability pride and support in this show than most others.

So yeah, thank you to OFMD for beautiful representations of disability, and queerness. It's a show that makes me feel seen - and that's really important.

[harrowharks-iliac-crest]

3

We have a different picture: A tree, with an apple hanging off it.

This is the first time we've had one like this that wasn't a skull, or the tomb, I'm pretty sure. For the first time, it's something living.

(I think we've had heralds as well, but are those alive? Animated by the RB yes, but alive?)

Anyway, this is exciting. Let's read.

Nona didn’t want to be just good-looking and dumb; she wanted to be useful. She was dimly aware that she was not what anyone had wanted. This was why she had gone out and got herself a job, even though it wasn’t a paying one.

I love her so much. Did I say that already? I love her.

Cam had to tell the nice lady that Nona was nearly nineteen. The nice lady was totally foxed. “But she’s such a dot.”

Tiny Harrow's body. Mercymorn believed without a shred of doubt when Harrow told her she was fifteen. She's just little for her age. And this is adorable, except for giving random people our exact address. Don't do that, Nona.

They told her Nona couldn’t read or write and the nice lady said, Oh.

Did they teach her to write her address and flat number only, then? Nona wrote that much down for the teacher.

Then Pyrrha, much to Camilla’s disgust, flirted outrageously with the nice lady teacher until the nice lady teacher left.

Damn, Pyrrha.

(Extremely happy we're getting to know Pyrrha a bit better now!!)

Instead of getting to know what pimp was, she got in trouble for giving anyone their door number and house number. Nona cried, lavishly and immediately, but Camilla and Pyrrha wouldn’t budge.

I love her being so in touch with her emotions. So far we've seen Harrow and Gideon, both very detached from their bodies and feelings. Maybe Nona is who is left behind when neither Harrow nor Gideon are around to "drive". Plural vibes. I like it.

When she emerged, spluttering, she had presence of mind to ask: “Why did you flirt with the teacher, even though you didn’t like her?” Pyrrha’s hands stilled from folding laundry, sitting next to the tub. “How’d you know I didn’t like her?” she asked. Nona still didn’t have the words to explain. “Just where you put your body —you only looked at her sometimes, that’s all.” “Wish I’d had you in the Bureau,” said Pyrrha, but she didn’t answer the question.

So she can't just speak and understand all languages, she just intuitively reads people. That's so cool. And also not exactly one of Harrow or Gideon's powers, at least they're not aware of it quite to this extent. It's great.

In fact, she only loved the Hour of Science because that was when she was allowed to look after Noodle, the science teacher’s dog, who was a dirty white creature with six legs and a gentle disposition.

We meet the six-legged dog! I want to know more about why he's got six legs.

It was just as hard to make Nona learn any facts as it was to make her learn the sword or the bones—harder, probably; as she explained all the time, as sweetly as she could, her brain simply wasn’t interested in them. It was as though someone had probably told her everything before and she had already forgotten it.

And knowing how these books tend to go, that might be exactly what happened here.

At school, after the first week, Nona was cornered by five children who informed her that she was now their friend. “Okay,” said Nona. “Hot Sauce wants you,” she got told.

Oh cool some kids! These are the people mentioned on the birthday guest list, then - a bunch of children from the school. Nice.

“What’s special about the Building?” she asked. “It’s banned,” said Honesty. One of the other children, Beautiful Ruby, said: “My mother says that if you get caught downtown or you shoot at the wrong window you get taken to your building.”

The building Nona lives in almost evokes prison. Maybe it is, or at least a place to dump undesirables.

Hot Sauce simply said: “She talks to the Angel. She gets to look after Noodle.” The Angel was what they called the nondescript, washed-out, dusty-haired personage who came to teach the Hour of Science. Why they called her the Angel was unclear,

Another person from the guest list, the Angel, the science teacher. Cool stuff.

“I don’t,” explained Nona. “Honesty found someone else to buy him drugs, so I don’t have to.” “Is his name really and truly Honesty?” Palamedes wanted to know. Nona struggled. “That’s how I hear it. Anyway, he shouldn’t be called Honesty at all, he tells huge lies and he’s trying to teach me too.” Nona longed to lie, but didn’t know how to stop her body from showing the truth;

Aha - one of the things we know about Alecto is that she "never managed to lie", according to Augustine. The same thing could be stopping Nona from lying. Or maybe she just knows her body will betray her lie, and decides being honest is easier.

Honesty, the kid, reminds me a bit of serial liars like Trump, who called his platform "TruthSocial" and uses it to lie egregiously 24/7. Perhaps a bit unfair to this kid, but I do find it funny he's called Honesty while being a huge liar.

Every so often an absolutely enormous earthquake rumbled beneath them, and when Nona first asked what it was, Hot Sauce said, “The Convoy”; and because it was Hot Sauce and not Honesty, she knew it had to be true. How wonderful it sounded—The Convoy—so big and mysterious and subterranean.

I'm not sure we've heard about this before! Some underground mode of transport like a train? Like Nona, I wanna know more.

Pyrrha explained that it was a bunch of vehicles driving in a line, probably very big ones. But she never quite got over that little shake, that tight vibration of the stomach when the Convoy was near, how it excited her somehow. It was like she could feel something wonderful in it.

I really hope Nona gets to see the Convoy.

“You’ll join, Hot Sauce, won’t you? Hot Sauce will join.” “Join what?” said Nona, the ignorant one. Which made the others do their usual chorus of— “Nona doesn’t know.” “Nona doesn’t know anything.” “Tell Nona.” And Honesty, who had been very nice since the cigarette arrangement, said: “When we leave school, we’re going to kill zombies, we’re gonna kill necromancers.”

Join Blood of Eden? It makes sense that kids don't join from birth, but it seems like BoE are pretty popular round these parts.

Honesty said, “Some of the zombies go spying outside the barracks, they ain’t all mad. That’s why you got to make sure you see all your friends eating and bleeding, or, you know—bam, you’re dead, or bones, or worse.” “I eat,” protested Nona.

Shh, don't tell them you're a necromancer! (Not that Nona is, really. She's not got any necromantic ability.)

“The necromancers will come back. They may already be here.” [...] Eventually Beautiful Ruby broke the silence and said, “What about Varun, Hot Sauce? What about Varun the Eater?” “It’s here for them,” said Hot Sauce. They looked up through the big crack at the blued sky respectfully.

Varun the Eater? Is that one of the resurrection beasts? It would make sense, if "it's here for them".

The Resurrection Beasts don't like any necromancers, but particularly don't like Lyctors, and especially don't like God. It's a shame none of them are anywhere near here. No necromancers to be seen. No Lyctors. Hush.

Nona whispered, “Join what, Hot Sauce?” Hot Sauce didn’t answer her. When she did say anything, she asked a question instead, which was irritatingly like Pyrrha. “You like it here?” “I love it here,” said Nona sincerely. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” “You’re sweet,” said Hot Sauce.

I love this interaction, even though we don't know anything more about BoE from it.

What a great chapter. I love Nona, I love these kids, I can't wait what sort of adventures they're gonna get into.

[mirroredmemoriez]

Amanda and Cecilia think thonks (THIS IS NOW GENERAL RANDOM SAW THOUGHTS)

“I grifted off his name. Shitting on his legacy was just a bonus I’ll admit that.” - Cecilia on her fathers work/legacy

“It is I who will carry on John’s work after he dies.” - Amanda on John, who basically is her father and his work/legacy.

Don’t know why these lines intrigue me, however I’ve kinda stated before how I find the comparisons between these two interesting. I don’t believe they are perfect mirrors but there are some similarities to look at, alongside their major differences as well. Cecilia uses her fathers name to benefit herself, she takes advantage of it and others to get what she wants. She is aware that what she is doing is wrong and if found out, would tarnish the Pederson name. Whereas if we turn to Amanda, she heavily dedicates herself to continuing John's work and the Jigsaw legacy. However, obviously throughout the Saw franchise, she begins to question his methods and goes against them. One takes advantage, the other is taken advantage of.

“I rob, I steal and I cheat.” - Cecilia

“I’m a murderer. He took my life from me, so I just returned the fucking favour.” - Amanda

They both admit what they're doing isn't correct to a degree. However, neither has or likely will stop what they're doing. Cecilia scams and Amanda rigs her traps to be impossible, in a way her own form of scamming? What I mean by that is, the whole point of the traps is to be a lesson- It's supposed to be escapable, any survivor of it will tell you that... Obviously, there are some places to question the tests/traps even outside of Amanda, but we're not looking at that right now. Anyway! She basically scams people out of a chance of surviving due to her own past experiences. Lynn Denlon in Saw 3 being a perfect example of this really? She died due to the shotgun collar going off yes, but she likely would have anyway due to Amanda shooting her- Which Lynn had already PASSED her test by that point really.

(Honorary Angel Trap mention) I don't think I have to go too in depth about how Cecilia scams people, but she doesn't just take their money. She also in her own way takes their lives- They leave thinking the treatment will help them, spending savings and such when really it's fake. We’ve also got the fact that Cecilia outright murdered Gabriela. This comparison of their characters and the reception to them by the fandom/audience is something I find fun! Yes, people dislike Cecilia for being a scammer, but the main cause of people's hatred that I've seen isn't even what she did to John? At least here on Tumblr, it's the fact that she killed Gabriela.... The reason I find this ''fun'' is because well, Amanda was the one who put Gabriela in that scenario in the first place and yes of course- We have to acknowledge that Gabriela was part of the scamming which is why she was tested alongside her being a drug addict, however at the end of the day I think it's agreed upon that base level, she isn't a terrible person. She did what she did to survive. So I wonder, if Gabriela had just died in her trap, whether there would be uproar about her death? Would people be angry at John and Amanda the same way they are at Cecilia? And to answer my own question, I don't actually think so. I believe this because of the circumstances of death, reactions and the reason why. Cecilia didn't just kill Gabriela whilst she was in her trap, she did it afterwards. She effectively stole her ''second chance'' because of how money hungry she was. Cecilia also showed no remorse for doing such. Then we have Amanda's reaction.

It goes without saying she was likely rooting for Gabriela the entire time, she reminds Amanda of herself for one and she's also distraught because Gabriela did WIN. I see this as a catalyst to Amanda's future behaviour alongside deaths such as when she ''mercy'' killed Adam and then Laura from Saw 2.

I'm also going to drop this link to a previous post I made, which I think fits in to what I'm saying here and possibly adds to other points. (I have a tendency to repeat myself or ramble)

Almost nobody in the Saw franchise is either fully ''good'' or ''bad.'' That's what I like about it, they are people with faults- Some characters have more redeeming qualities/traits, others not so much. The most beloved characters are likely the Jigsaw apprentices (And Adam). At least the MAIN three ones. Which, let's go over their crimes!

Fun fact! These kinds of crimes are the type that would land you in PRISON. It goes without saying that the moral compasses of all 3 of these characters are basically broken or spinning constantly. Yet, as I stated before- Amanda, Mark and Lawrence are some of the fan favourites of the Saw franchise.... And don't get me wrong, I'm an Amanda fan myself for example! However, it's so interesting the reception these guys get compared to other characters in media and generally in the Saw universe. If we go black and white/narrow our views, they are actually the villains at some points. The crimes speak for themselves and generally whilst watching the movies, you're supposed to be rooting for the people to get out of their traps- Not always mind you, but a good percentage of the time. So many people justify their actions due to their backstories, a common thing for villains and or ''bad guys''. It's understandable, because the shit all of them have gone through would definitely leave anybody unhinged... At the end of the day though, that doesn't mean they should be excused. I think I'll end this here because I've gotten so sidetracked? As I always say at the end of something like this, these are all just my thoughts and opinions- Not fact or concrete either, I'm open to discussions with people who disagree with me for example! IF YOU'VE GOTTEN THIS FAR DOWN! THANKS FOR READING, ANYBODY WHO LIKES AND REBLOGS MY RAMBLINGS DO MAKE MY DAY. -MAL OUT

[apollos-olives]

Hey, this is a somewhat complicated personal thing? But I’d really like your weigh in on it— you’re a blogger who’s perspective i respect a lot. I’m wondering if i have the right to call myself palestinian.

A bit of background- i’m a romani-jew. My family is, as far back as i can trace, indigenous to palestine, but when my grandmother was a baby was forced out and fled across the continent to romania, and eventually she left for the US to become a doctor. I believe this was around 1947 when they were forced out, if i’m pinning it to other timelines, but she isn’t sure and neither am i, so i don’t think i have the right to claim that. She doesn’t identify as Palestinian, only roma, and practically raised herself without her parents (who were absent via work) and identifies as jewish, vehemently anti-israeli and not actively practicing because of that. I was raised jewish, but really often with scorn to most local jewish orgs and institutions, and i know my family is very actively excluded from the bullshit ‘right to return’ programmes in our area because we are, well, roma, despite how at this point compared to my grandmother we are very pale— to them, it’s a blood thing. My father is no contact with my grandmother, so i was not raised with her. My father does not identify as Palestinian as well. I wasn’t raised with her culture and practices because of that— I am almost completely divorced from what would be my own culture, but i still, when i hear her stories now, and her perspective on the very active genocide going on, wonder if i have the right to speak on it as a voice with any authority on the matter. Am i able to identify as palestinian? Do i have any claim to it at all, really?

i wrote practically a whole essay and then tumblr deleted it right before i could post. so i'm gonna make my response significantly shorter, but i'll explain why.

you are not allowed to call yourself palestinian. you were never raised as one, you were never part of the culture, and your family does not identify at all as the people of the land. you have not lived your life as a palestinian, and you do not have claim or authority to speak on the matter at the same level of other palestinians at all. it is not your right to call yourself palestinian, and claiming to have any authority of what the palestinian experience is like is incorrect. i assume you're about a quarter palestinian, yes? but only by blood. not by culture or connection or anything. your family identifies as romani, and do not identify with the palestinian identity. you have not experienced life as a palestinian, diaspora or not, and you have not suffered the same type of oppression that indigenous palestinians have faced. while your father would be half palestinian (i assume), he could technically be considered as palestinian diaspora (as would your grandmother), but since both of them have been disconnected from the culture, and don't identify as palestinian, then you do not have claim to that identity. like for example my grandma is half (i'm unsure about the percentage) turkish and palestinian, but my mom does not identify as turkish, and i do not identify as turkish either, because i was never part of the culture and never lived my life as a turkish person. i can say im part turkish by blood as a random fun fact, but claiming i have authority to be a turkish person is not correct. i also want to mention that being palestinian is a nationality, not a race or a specific ethnicity, so that is another factor you must consider when evaluating your identity.

you can, however, look more into palestinian culture and try learning about it. i hope when palestine is free, you can come visit and fall in love with our hospitality and culture, and look into your ancestors who lived there. and if you'd like to connect back with your palestinian roots, that's absolutely something that we are welcoming and would love for you to do. many palestinians who fled during the nakba have a tough history and connection with the land, so i'm sorry your grandma had to leave and disconnect with palestine, but i hope one day you can come to a free palestine and celebrate with us.

if your grandmother was a baby during the nakba, i assume you're very young. around teenage years (early twenties maybe). i know that figuring out your identity is a big part of this stage in your life and you're probably looking into your family's past. i suggest to look into palestinian culture, but don't discard the romani and jewish part of you. being part of those communities is a very culturally rich experience and you should be proud of that. don't stress too much on having to "choose" what you're trying to connect to.

in the end, i can't tell you what to identify as with your romani-jewish family and your palestinian ancestry, but calling yourself palestinian currently is not right. i hope i answered your question.

[butmakeitgayblog]

Shall we go for a slow buildup then? Let’s start with the first time they hold each other (re: starlet non au)

The first time they hold each other is catharsis. Solace.

It's shortly after Lexa'd reached out that night after winning over Clarke. They were still at a loss as to how exactly to handle all this. This thing between them that neither are willing to talk about or even acknowledge, but both know is there. Both feel it growing deeper, more real. They've gone from nearly a full year of silence to texting every single day. A random call once every few weeks, even if they don't have much to say. They're in each other's lives at that point and neither really have any desire to stop it.

It happens the first time they actually speak to each other in person since that night when they'd both let too many secrets slip out over too many bottles of wine. It's a dinner party "thing" Clarke hosts at her apartment, inviting Lexa but more importantly 10 other people along for a night of classy but kinda trashy finger foods and board games. Because it's absolutely not an excuse just to have Lexa in her space again, and the other guests are certainly not a buffer in case everything is as terrible as she's imagined.

What I'm saying is that it's casual, and it means nothing, which is exactly why Clarke spends 5 hours bouncing between cooking and deciding what to do with her hair, all while rearranging the furniture in her apartment until it looks perfect.

Lexa spends those same 5 hours just trying her best to not throw up.

But it does turn out to be a nice evening. So much so, neither really know what they had to be worried about. It wasn't hard being in each other's space again. If anything, it felt like breathing for the first time in over a year. As though looking over mid-laugh just to catch the other's eyes was the most natural thing in the world. Which makes it feel all too safe to choose to stay behind when the rest of the gang announces they want to go out. It only being 9:30 by the time all the food is gone and every game is left on Clarke's dining table in disarray makes the inclination valid. Because Lexa's got an early call the next morning that she absolutely cannot be hungover for, and Clarke just isn't in the mood to turn down 30 offers from strangers to do coke in the VIP section while having her ass grabbed on the dancefloor.

So they stay behind and talk. Never straying too far from safe subjects. Work, the weather, what they'd be doing if they weren't in the industry, a few innocent tales from childhood. It naturally leads from Clarke sharing about how she'd lost her father at the tender age of 17, to recounting some of her best memories with him. That's how they find themselves huddled together in front of an old record player, thumbing through all the classics, Clarke playing song after song and sharing her memories of each one as Lexa sips her wine and listens to every single one.

It's only when the first notes of a particular song whine to life that Lexa can't really seem to help herself. Because there's just something in the way Clarke's eyes come alive when she tells her how they used to dance to that one every morning before breakfast. It's the image of a tiny Clarke, still in her footie style pjs and sporting a wicked case of baby blonde bed-head, hugging her father's legs as she danced along on the tops of his feet.

She just can't resist.

And god help her, it felt good having Clarke be that close, accepting her hand when Lexa had restarted the song and asked her if she'd like to dance. It felt good, and more terrifying, it felt right. It felt right the way Clarke tucked into her body, one hand on her shoulder, the other cupped gently in her palm. It felt right to match the sway of her hips, to match her breathing and the race of her heartbeat, to laugh as they tripped over themselves and just righted themselves again.

It felt right to pull Clarke closer when those blue eyes suddenly turned glossy, her perfectly wonderful face scrunching up in an embarrassed huff of laughter through her sniffles of, "Sorry. I just miss him sometimes. Ignore me."

So there's really nothing for it. Nothing to do but nod that she understands that kind of pain. That sense of loss, and how it can hit you at the most random of times. So Lexa hugs her right there in her livingroom, records forgotten on the floor at their feet. She tucks Clarke's head into her shoulder and wraps her arms tight around her waist, accepts every last one of her tears and carries her grief as her own, hugging her and holding her as the final chorus fades out

Because Love grows where my Rosemary goes

And nobody knows like me...

Clarke asks her to stay and Lexa does, because there's no way she can leave her like this. So sad and vulnerable and visibly raw at the edges. She sets aside all of her rules and all of her fear and takes Clarke to the couch, guiding her to lay on top of her, just to rest. To let the calm of her breathing and the steady thump of her heart lull Clarke into a tear-soddened sleep. She holds her through the night, neither saying more than a few muffled words, Lexa humming the notes of the song until they're etched into the rhythm of her heartbeat. Until she knows not a day will pass when this song doesn't bring her right back to this moment, and this woman, and this feeling of holding everything she wants but cannot let herself have right there in her arms. But it's enough just to be close, to let herself slip into this once more, and Lexa knows there's really no coming back from this.

Still, when Clarke eventually wakes up, Lexa's long gone in the morning.

[bingbongsupremacy]

Snow Storm

Pairing: Ellie Williams x Reader

Warnings: I didn't know how to end so yeah.

Summary: You and Ellie have hated each other for years. Will one snowy night change that?

* Not Proof Read * TLOU Masterlist

*****

" Are you kidding me, Dina? " I huff in annoyance. " We fucking hate each other. You couldn't have asked literally anyone else? "

Dina rolls her eyes. " It's not my fault your fucking brother got me sick. And I tried. Big surprise, no one wants to patrol on Christmas. "

I let out a sigh. " Fine, whatever. Just...get better. I'll see you later. " Muddy snow crunches under my boots as I make my way through the streets of Jackson. Not many people are out today, most deciding to stay home with their families. As I near the stables, I see her.

" Well well, look who decided to be on time today. " Ellie smirks while adjusting her pack onto Shimmer.

" Oh fuck you. It was one time and I was like five minutes late. " I shove my pack onto my horse, Posey, and jump up.

" Somebody's still a bitch. " Ellie mutters.

" You're one to talk. You literally always start it. " I direct Posey towards the gates.

Ellie scoffs. " Sure. "

" Let's just not talk, alright? Neither of us wants to be here. The faster we get this shit done, the faster we can both go home. "

" Deal. "

*****

" For the last time, Y/N, we can't make it back to Jackson in this weather. We have to wait it out! " Ellie shouts over the raging snow storm. " You know what, if you want to go, go! I'm not fucking dying because you're too impatient to wait this out. " Ellie turns her horse towards the nearest building.

I guess she's right. I mean, the storm doesn't look like it's going to die down anytime soon and I have no fucking idea where I am. We have to be at least an hour or two away from Jackson. There's no way I'd make it back. I can barely see my hands.

With an annoyed groan, I turn my horse towards the direction Ellie went. I jump down and ignore Ellie's smirk.

" I see someone came to their senses. "

I don't bother responding, instead yanking down the garage door. I turn on my flash light and slowly walk into the dark house. " You get left. " I whisper to Ellie, who nods.

Once we finish searching the house, we end up finding ourselves both in the living room.

" I'll see if I can get a fire started. " Ellie begins throwing random things into the fireplace and attempting to light a fire. A small orange flame forms, quickly engulfing everything in the chimney. A warm light is cast through the room, making it feel less intimidating.

A sharp pain startles me. I let out a gasp and reach towards my side. A wet, sticky liquid coats my cold hand. " Shit. "

Ellie's head snaps towards me. " You-Fuck what the hell happened? " She stands up from her crouching position and walks towards me.

" It's not that bad. I must've got it when we were running from the infected. I didn't even notice. " I hiss slightly while gently lifting up the corner of my now blood covered shirt. " Maybe a little more than a scratch. " My eyes widen at the jagged cut. I start to feel a little bit woozy at the sight of the crimson liquid. Shit, I'm fine with blood as long as it isn't mine. I wobble slightly from the image.

Ellie rushes towards me, grabbing onto my waist. " Fuck, be careful. " She slowly leads me towards an old couch near the fire.

The feel of her rough hands sends butterflies tumbling through my stomach. I'd be lying if I said I didn't find her attractive.

The feeling of disappointment settles on me as soon as she lets go.

Ellie wouldn't like me back. We fucking hate each other.

Right?

Then why is she helping me?

Ellie digs through her pack for a small box. She pulls out a small bottle of alcohol, a needle, and some thread. " Not gonna lie, this is going to hurt like hell. "

I nod. " Just hurry. "

I clench my teeth as her cold hands touch my bare skin. She pours a little bit of the alcohol on my cut. " Mother fucker. " I hiss while shoving my nails into my fists.

Ellie quickly begins sewing up the cut. Her face is full of concentration.

When Ellie finishes, I let out a sigh and drop my head against the couch.

" I'd definitely get that checked out when we get back, but it'll do for now. "

I send her a tired smile. " Thanks. "

She nods and packs away the kit.

We sit in a heavy silence for what seems like hours until Ellie finally breaks it.

" Why do we do this? "

I turn my head over to her. " Because people will die if we don't patrol? " I ask in confusion.

Ellie shakes her head. Strands of her hair falls into her face, casting a slight shadow on her rosy cheeks. " No, not that. This. " She gestures at us. " Why are we such assholes to each other? "

I take a moment to think. Honestly...I'm not sure. " It's because...I think...I don't know. " I shrug. " I just remember us not liking each other since the day you showed up in Jackson. That was so long ago...I can't even remember. "

Ellie lets out a slight chuckle. " I don't remember either. God we're fucking idiots. "

I roll my eyes with a grin. " Yeah we are. "

" Why don't we...start over? " Ellie suggests. " Minus the enemy parts. "

I nod. " Let's do that. "

Ellie holds out her hand with a grin. " I'm Ellie. Nice to meet you. "

My hand encloses hers. " I'm Y/N. Nice to meet you too. "

Hopefully this time will be better.

[hotandnonbinary]

An analysis/character study of Buck and his relationships through the lens of Echo and Narcissus.

I have spent literally 3 days writing this overly complicated, rambly explanation of how my two hyperfixations fit together so take that as you will...

This is egregiously long (~3,000 words) so if thats what makes you not read it i completely understand

If you do, I sincerely hope you enjoy my labor of love analysis of my favorite freak buck buckley 💖

The Story of Echo

Echo was a nymph who resided near a mountain that was frequented by Zeus when he did typical zeus things and cheated on his wife, hera at every given opportunity. Zeus only cared for the other nymphs and ordered echo to distract hera when she followed him to the mountain and so echo did so, charming hera with her voice and distracted her as zeus continued his escapades. when hera realized what had been done she cursed echo to only repeat the words that were said to her, never to be her own person again, doomed to merely reflect others onto themselves.

"I shall give you less power over that tongue by which I have been deluded, and the briefest ability to speak" (Ovid's Metamorphoses Book III)

The Parallel

The not immediately obvious parallel I'm drawing here is that Zeus is actually Daniel and Hera is the Buckley parents. Daniel obviously wasnt running around having sex with random women, but he was going somewhere his parents, Hera, couldn't follow. Even as they constantly pursued after him and attempted to bring him to a place where they could keep him safe and hover over him, they couldnt actually stop his leukemia. Buck, just as Echo was, is seen as a distraction from this pursuit after Daniel, even if it isnt anything of his own doing. They don't actually want another child to look after and care for, they want what they already have and that is being taken away from them. Buck, in the same sense as Echo, was supposed to be a tool to solve the issue. Hera would find Zeus by conversing with the nymphs and Buck would save Daniel by being born as a savior baby. Neither solution worked, and both Hera and the Buckleys were instead left scrambling, not actually getting what they wanted, leaving them to lash out against what was supposed to be the solution. Buck's "curse" then (I hesitate to use the word 'curse' here because as a bpd buck truther i dislike the idea of calling a disorder something your parents 'cursed' you with) is the same as Echo's, an inability to determing and express his personhood on his own, instead needed another person to reflect off of, to become their echo. He waits until he is told, or inferences, what he is supposed to be doing and who he is supposed to be for another person and then he changes to do and become exactly what they want or he thinks they need. They are his source of personhood and how he determines his actions, evidenced largely by his "software upgrades" but also present in many other changes he likely isnt aware of himself but we can determine as viewers, such as:

Evan, the hurt child to dote upon. creating a new behavior that has him being seen as Daniel as it is the only way he can get the attention he needs.

"We live with the reminder every day, staring us in the face!" (4x05: Buck Begins)

Firehose, the man who sleeps with any and every woman he can. yet again the way to gets attention and determines who he is, never getting to know people as he only gets the attention if he doesn't.

"You're cute, and very good at whatever it is we just did, but let's not ruin everything by actually getting to know each other." (1x01: Pilot)

Buck, the firefighter who saves people. Basing his entire life and personality around how he can help other people, never actually looking to see what he might want from life past that, unable to accept that he can do something else and still be a person.

"No, being a firefighter is my life!" (2x18: This Life we Choose)

Other examples include (but this is so long and everyone knows this already):

following connor to california from peru

being a sperm donor for connor and kameron

dating natalia after he died in the lightning strike

dating tommy after figuring out he likes men

other things im definitely forgetting

The Story of Narcissus / The Meeting of Echo

Narcissus is born beautiful, but his parents worry that because of this, he will not live a long and happy life. So, they go to a seer to receive a prophecy about their newborn baby

"Being consulted as to whether the child would live a long life, to a ripe old age, the seer with prophetic vision replied ‘If he does not discover himself’." (Ovid's Metamorphoses Book III)

As he grew up, many began to desire him due to his immense beauty, none could look at him unaffected by desire. But, full of pride at his own beauty that no others affected him, he would never be moved by the visage of another.

The nymph Echo saw Narcissus one day in the woods, long after she had been cursed. When she saw him she was struck by his beauty, just as all others had been. She desired him, just as oil burns when exposed to flame, and just as easily as it ignites. She who could not speak first, but could not stay silent when others spoke to her had fallen in love with a man who only saw himself. Oh how she wished to get closer to the man she admired, to introduce herself and talk to him as easily as his band of admirers did, but:

"Her nature denies it, and will not let her begin, but she is ready for what it will allow her to do, to wait for sounds, to which she can return words."

She had to wait and watch, patiently listening to what he would say, so she could use his own words to communicate. Once, when he was separated from his other admirers, she took her chance when he asked if there was anyone here. She replied with his own word 'Here.' And upon him saying let us meet together she cries 'Together' and rushes to embrace him. But when she does so he cries out in alarm, no longer is she his voice repeating back to him but her own visage touching his body 'May I die before what's mine is yours!' as all she repeats is 'What's mine is yours...'

In the shame of her rejection she wanders the woods alone, living her life hiding among the leaves and in caves. As her love endures in her solitude, her sadness only continues to compound upon itself. As her sleepless thoughts rush through her she cannot express them aloud, only existing in her love for Narcissus through his love for himself. Her body wastes away as only her bones remain, turning into the stones of the caves she had hidden herself away in. Yet she remains without a body, in the sounds and voices she Echoes. The sound that lives within her only accessible by the sound of others. Heard by everyone and yet understood only as the words of themselves, never truly accepted as she is.

The Parallel

(Disclaimer: i am NOT calling all of buck's love interests narcissistic but i AM comparing them to Narcissus' role in Echo's story)

the prophecy of Narcissus in this case does not represent how long the LIs themselves will live, but how long their relationship with Buck will last instead. the relationship will last "as long as they do not discover themselves" or in other iterations of the story "as long as they do not wish to know themselves." In all of Buck's relationships he becomes someone he isn't to try to reflect what his partner wants. For this reason he also is never the one to choose someone. He can want someone but "his nature denies him, and does not let him begin" but "he waits for expectations, so that he can return actions in turn."

With Abby, he has to be someone she can rely on, but also a fun distraction from her mother dying. The relationship ends when her mother dies and she decides she wants more, that she can't live surrounded with the reminder of her dead mother and how Abby herself gave up her chance at living. As Buck was merely a reflection of what she wanted in that time, she had moved past needing him and wanted to discover herself. She couldnt live with the reflection of who she used to be in her journey to discover herself. Yet still he clings to her after she leaves, letting his love for her destroy his life until there is nothing left of him but his love for her, wasting away in her apartment. It isnt until he meets Eddie that he truly breaks out of this, gaining his body back to rejoin the voice that was left.

For Ali, buck saved her life. He was a heroic firefighter who helped her on the worst day of her life in a time she felt unsteady and unstable. Buck then reflected what she needed, and what she saw in him. He was an indestructible firefighter and that was just about it. But when he goes through his own traumas and dangerous situations, she is faced with a Buck she has never seen before. No longer is he this perfect man, he is just as human and prone to getting hurt as she is. When the ladder truck falls on his leg, she watches as he experiences exactly what she went through on the worst day of her life. And she can't live with her own reflection. She didnt realize she was leaning on him in such a way until the illusion was broken, and then she couldnt handle it. She leaves him after he shows that he isnt this perfect picture she built up in her head. In this case, it isnt Ali herself that he gets caught up on. Its the reason she left, the ladder truck bombing and how its stopping him from being a firefighter. He still wants to be the perfect indestructible firefighter she thought he was, no injury is going to keep him from doing his job because his job 'is his life'. He needs to cling onto it as hard as he can, because there simply isn't a Buck left without knowing exactly what role he has to fit into, and the role of self-sacrificing firefighter is one he has filled perfectly for a long time. As he said to his parents:

"I have walked through fire every day of my life!"

In Taylor's case, Buck is actually different things for her. They start out as purely people who have sex, and he understands that. He doesn't put himself high on her priority list and doesnt think he's all that important for her. He's okay with just being fun for her. But when they get into an actual relationship, then he starts seeing himself as being the perfect boyfriend for her. Someone who can de-stress her from her job. This is likely due to, yet again, meeting her by saving her life. He saved her from danger one time and so he expects that he can keep saving her, even if he wants to save her from herself. He thinks that if he is a good enough caricature of a boyfriend, then he'll start getting the highest priority on her list. This isn't to say Taylor didnt care for him or didnt love him, she did. She just knew she prioritized her job over her boyfriend but this didnt make sense for Buck, even as he really did that with Ali. he thinks that she'll change for him as easily as he is for her, or that even if she didnt. He "thought he could learn to live with" it. he was in this case almost reflecting what he saw as her apathy. If she didnt change he could just ignore it in order to keep getting the benefits from the relationship, as he thought she was doing likely due to the beginning of their relationship. Taylor saw that he was apathetic toward their relationship and only forcing himself to go through with it, which is a dramatic and overly exaggerated version of what she was doing. She merely had her priorities in order, self success over bowing down to a potential relationship (as she should), which could be seen as forcing yourself into a relationship if youre not giving it one hundred percent. She saw a perverted reflection of her own feelings and decided she didnt want to become that, or even deal with the man who trapped her in his apartment after saying he loved her.

Natalia, in contrast to Taylor, similarly to her character overall is really boring and obvious. Also, there really isnt much to analyze about her behavior (since she doesnt even have any). Buck died in the lightning strike and shes a death doula. She thought it was cool that he died but wasnt still dead. It was fascinating to her as someone who deals with death all the time. This, in turn, made buck also act like his death was almost a joke, an interesting fact or story to tell about himself. He acts as if it didnt lead to a coma dream which made him completely rethink his self worth (kind of? he doesnt really seem to believe this). Along with the fact that his friends (family) also witnessed this and had to deal with the fallout and mental struggle of seeing him die. I have nothing to speak on regarding her seeing him as a reflection of herself as she basically isnt a character (better than mirabel marisol).

Tommy is actually an interesting case here. Buck's first relationship with a man, the one who made him realize he was interested in men in fact. But this fact is also the downfall of their relationship. Buck entirely defined himself through this relationship. He didnt have to think about his sexuality past the fact that he was interested in Tommy and dating him, that was the answer to any potential question he could have about himself. Anything about the relationship was just written off as 'oh im into guys now' even if they didnt really have a connection or anything in common. Tommy saw him as someone into guys and so thats all buck became. This is partially due to the bad writing of season 7 that was buck kissed him and thats all that happened with him being bi but it does lead to some fun analysis. Tommy himself likely saw this in Buck "I'm your first, not your last" and all that. He saw that buck was just putting himself through the steps of the relationship just because he liked guys, and thats what tommy wanted to avoid. He did like dating Buck but he knew that bucks priorities were in other places (eddie) and wanted to avoid his own heartbreak. He likely knew this from the start "My attention?" anyone? but he wanted to date someone, so he put himself through it, which led to buck doing the same thing. And so when buck is faced with adversity "Do you love him?" he tries to cling and ask tommy to move in because he doesnt know who he is without this relationship. he hasnt looked inwards and tried to look at how this revelation has affected him, he was again merely defined by someone else and their thoughts of him.

Buck's relationships all have this pattern in common, he reflects whatever his partner is or wants and when they see that he is just like them and not whatever they thought he was, they leave. They focus on themselves in a way to avoid being the reflection they are seeing that was a version of themselves. A truth they wanted to avoid. Not once has Buck initiated a relationship under his own power where he is his own person, devoid of any expectations or preconceived notions of what he should be.

So, What?

This is all to say he hasnt had a relationship like this with anyone except for Eddie. 2x01 has buck acting like he thinks he should. Hes bratty, hes mean, hes posturing because he thinks he has to act like the tougher man to keep his position in the firehouse. He goes into this with what he thinks eddie is going to be like. The overly competent, overly handsome man is obviously going to hate him and try to posture, so he preemptively Echoes that. But eddie shatters these expectations.

"You're a badass under pressure, brother... You could have my back any day." (2x01: Under Pressure)

All the posturing, kicking him out, and replacing him expectations broken in one simple conversation rooted in one compliment. Eddie doesn't think he's better than buck, he isn't replacing him, hes simply an addition to the already existing status quo. Calling him a badass, saying they can work together, calling him brother. It is so against everything he expected that he genuinely cant Echo anything because he no longer has anything to go off of, all he can be is Buck. This is seen with how he opens up so quickly to Eddie and how quickly it is reciprocated. Buck is accepted as himself, for just being him, and that is something he has rarely gotten to experience and so he revels in it, brings it to the farthest it can go. They know each other so deeply, they cant hide from each other. One sentence, one look, even just being around each other, they open up about the truths they're hiding from anyone else. They don't have to separate to explore themselves, they do it together. They're not afraid of reflecting the worst parts of each other because how can those parts be the worst if they are a part of someone they love? There is no one else Buck can reasonably have this deep of a connection with or an easy surefire way he can solve his issue of reflecting onto others in the way that he does. He needs this connection, this mutual understanding of 'You're never too much for me, come as you are.' 'This goes beyond friendship, I love you to the core.' Buck isnt just pieces of himself, he isnt just the voice in his bones (HOW DID I MISS THIS WITH THE DANIEL THING? LITERALLY HAS SOMETHING SPECIAL IN HIS BONES LMAO) he is all of himself, sound, voice, bones, and body. He is seen as he is and is loved for it, something no one else has bothered to even try to give him.

Buck needs to be the one to reach out in the safe space that has been created for him to be himself. I truly believe that for buddie canon to be done well it needs to start with buck (eddie wouldnt think he deserves it but thats a different post) to finally break his cycle of settling and changing who he is for other people.

[it-happened-one-fic]

Home - Vash

Author Notes: Random Trigun fic! Go! This one is another super self-indulgent birthday fic for myself. It's been a little bit since I finished watching Trigun Stampede, but I really enjoyed and wrote this. I just kind of wanted to give Vash some flowers after everything was said and done. Reader is gender-netural, I hope you enjoy!

Type: Fluff/ set in Trigun Stampede/ gender neutral reader

Word count: 901

It had been quite some time since we’d last seen Vash, and while it was a sadness that he stayed away for such long periods, it was also a blessing. Because every time he came home, he was hurt.

But he was back again, for the first time in years, and he was hurt again. Hurt, broken, and more emotionally scarred than he had been when we’d last seen him.

And despite all of that, when I opened the door with a smile on my face to welcome him home, Vash smiled back at me. Ever happy, friendly, and impossibly kind, even though he’d been rejected by so many and hurt so frequently.

“Y/n! Hey, it’s been so long,” He sat forward, all goofy smiles and long flailing limbs, as he attempted to work himself into a somewhat comfortable position. 

I shook my head with a smile, unable to figure out exactly how Vash could be… Well, Vash. It seemed so impossible to be so openly warm and kind when he’d faced such horrors. Horrors that, truthfully speaking, I could never really imagine.

“It has been a long time; I’ve been wondering when you’d come back.” I grinned at him, my tone teasingly accusatory, and causing him to lean back with a laugh. Rubbing at the back of his neck like he was ashamed, even though both of us knew I was just messing with him.

“How have the flowers been going? Neither Brad nor Luida mentioned them, they were too busy welcoming me back or scolding me,” His words made me chuckle slightly as I entered the room, careful to keep my hands behind my back in the hopes of hiding his gift that I’d been working on for countless years now.

“As they should have. Besides, it looks like you busted your arm again; of course Brad was going to scold you,” I eyed the cracked green metal. Knowing full well that it meant that he’d no doubt put himself in some sort of impossibly risky position to save people who may or may not have rejected him.

But I didn’t let my concerns show. Instead, I kept smiling and messing around with the man who hadn’t changed, even though it had quite possibly been centuries since he’d last visited.

I couldn’t quite bring myself to broach the matter of the flowers when I was hiding such a gift behind me. 

Yellow flowers, with brightly shining faces that never failed to remind me of the man in front of me and his dauntless kindness. So like the sun that rose every day and, though it had the power to destroy, instead provided us with the light and warmth needed to survive.

They were my greatest success and were flowers that I myself had cultivated. But more importantly, they had one singular purpose. To bring some joy and warmth into the life of the man who filled everyone else's lives with joy, warmth, and did his best to protect us even when he was scorned and rejected. Much like how we might hate the sun when it was too hot a day.

I had considered red flowers. After all, the only color Vash had ever mentioned liking was red. But, in truth, it was the color yellow that reminded me of Vash. And some selfish part of me wanted my gift to him to be special, just as he was to me.

“Y/n?” His voice brought me snapping back to the moment, my eyes widening as I noticed him staring at me curiously.

He’d been talking to me, but I had no idea what he’d been saying. And it was ridiculous to be so caught up in my thoughts when I’d been waiting for him to come back for so long.

“Sorry, I was just thinking Vash,” I shrugged, smiling awkwardly as I raised my shoulders in an almost apologetic way. And Vash frowned but nodded. Not asking, because he wasn’t one to push but always one to accept. 

I sighed, stepping towards him and, at last, producing the bouquet from behind me in lieu of an explanation. 

“Welcome home, Vash. I know they’re not red like those flowers you told me about all those years ago, but these are flowers I cultivated, and they reminded me of you.” I couldn’t bring myself to meet his wide-eyed gaze as I explained myself awkwardly.

But even when I’d first started cultivating these flowers, I knew that actually presenting them to Vash would be awkward, even despite how comfortable I was with the lanky man who called this place his home.

“The flowers are doing well; you can take these as evidence of this fact,” I at last looked up at his face, only to see tears starting to blossom in those bright blue eyes of his.

Before I could even utter his name with a sigh, I was crushed into a hug. The flowers had, at some point, been swiftly snatched from my hands and sat on the side table. Something that only he could do with that sometimes inhuman speed of his.

I laughed slightly as my arms wrapped around him responsively, “Vash.” His name bubbled out of my mouth. My voice filled with amusement at his eternally weepy disposition. 

But then he spoke, his voice filled with emotion as his face pushed into my shoulder, “Yeah… I’m home, Y/n.”

[cielles-random-vault]

a lonely night (miguel ohara x gn!reader)

‼️ consider this as the second part of the series‼️

disclaimer: it's still an ongoing series and i'll organize it when i will have written more episodes though i don't like the idea of a timeline bc it's like one shots and 🧍🏻‍♀️ idfk bro i js specified for clarity

this is the very first part of my lonely series! idk if i will make this series a miguel x reader only but :> even made my own tag 🦦

part two/one here !

also you don't need to read all the stories to like understand the plot they're js one shots and a good way to cope w my crippling loneliness (this is actually a call for help /srs

Warning: implied suicide (not really because it’s a cliffhanger but it may be triggering to some people idk so I’m still putting a warning.)

Also I’m not really sure abt the “don’t put words in my mouth” bc I’m not a native speaker but in case it isn’t clear I meant that reader basically said “don’t make me say what I didn’t say”

Also 2 there is no mention of gender bc I’m trying my best to like write for my fellow enby pals but jk reader will be fem bodied.

Also 3 I’m asking this once again but please reblog this if you liked it it helps small writers a lot please and fank yew

Also 4 BIG THANKS TO DEEPL WRITE FOR PROOFREADING THIS WHEN I WAS LAZY TO IT MYSELF some AIs need their ass ate fr

(ignore the random ass banner lmao)

You were chilling on a rooftop before you felt a familiar presence.

-What are you doing up this late, carino? Asked the voice.

You didn’t know why neither how, but somehow you instantly knew it was him.

The one who was known to save every universe despite everything.

He sure was a good leader, sometimes he was mean, but it was all for the sake of the many universes he had to protect.

He was a good leader for sure, but a good lover? There’s no way you could count on that.

You loved him very much and you know how painful it was for him to show any kind of affection, but tonight you had too much of holding everything inside.

He put his hands on your waist, sneaking a kiss on your lips before sitting next to you, both your legs dangling in the shining lights of the city.

The weather was cold for a beginning of summer, but it was nothing compared to the cold residing in your heart.

Your relationship was bound to come to an end, and you were here for this end to come.

-Is something wrong my love? Miguel hastened to ask when he noticed your expression was off.

-Do you truly love me? You asked, ignoring his question.

He stiffened at the hearing of your question.

-Of course, why wouldn’t I? he asked worried.

-Listen. I’m going to be straightforward with you. I’m pregnant. And I want the baby to have both parents when they grow up. And I think, with both of us being heroes, this won’t work. Don’t put words in my mouth, I do love you with all my heart and you know it. But I can’t do it anymore. (tears start falling on your cheeks but you continue anyway:)  I am grateful for all the things we lived but I think our relationship is meant to end anyway. I’m sorry but I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

You stood at the edge of the building and disappeared in a snap.

-Goodbye, Miguel.

~~~~

You woke up in a hurry, instinctively looking for your husband.

-Is everything ok, my love? Miguel was quick to ask. (he put a hand on your forehead) did you catch a cold or something? You seem to have a fever.

-I’m okay don’t worry! You say with a frank smile. I just had a nightmare but nothing to worry about I promise.

-Mm. If you say so, he said with a tint of doubt in his voice. I’ll stay in bed with you just in case something happens, ok?

Without waiting for your response, he forcefully got into your bed, which made you move.

You inevitably fell into your husband’s arms as he put his arm on your shoulder with your head on his chest, feeling his soft breathing and hearing his heartbeat.

Despite everything, the work he had, the countless nights you spent waiting for him to return home, even wondering if he ever would, the arguments, you were in love with him. And it even if it was hard, he and him only was the one you decided to love.

And that was beautiful.