#and my throat hurts from crying
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why is I love you so easy to say but so hard to hear?
#like#it's okay if I say it#it's fine it's whatever (i say casually as if i dont put my whole heart into it whenever i say i love someone or something)#but when it's said to me?#there's a sting#an ache#like a dull blade being forced into my side#it's honestly pathetic#but nowadays i cry when someone says they love me#it's beautiful and i hold each and every time i hear those words close to my heart#but that doesn't make it hurt any less#vent#it's late#I'm tired#and my throat hurts from crying#goodnight#I'll see you tomorrow#...#I love you
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pick your battles
#my art#my stuff#art#comic#original art#pride 2024#pride month#trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr#i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe#so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles#this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat#my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc#i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14#but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020#from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember#and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery#and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far#and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community#that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean#that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else#so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes#about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves#you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you
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#they will die never knowing the truth about pussy...... reblog if you cry every time :'(#i'm sorry i'll stop now. this show is just so funny and my throat hurts from sanding the walls#the way these subs write pussy with the lowercase is also exquisite tho#the sopranos
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just saw them today. i dont think im the same person. ive never been so happy. i may just be ecstatic. i may also have exploded into bits and pieces from excitement. im currently a pair of fingers jumping on the keyboard to write this. i can die happy now. thank you togashi. thank you for such an honorable death.
#u guys think im jking but im not. ive ascended to jannah. goodbye.#no seriously i was SO FUCKING STARVED. U HAVE NO IDEA.#I hurt my throat from gasping so hard when i saw this. my eyeballs are currently crying. thank u togashi#hxh#hunter x hunter#hisoka#hisoka morow#hisoillu#illumi#illumi zoldyck#hisoka x illumi#my post
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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
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Me in my very first class as a substitute teacher after completely losing control of the kids in the first 2 minutes
#several fights broke out in different corners of the room#2 8-year-olds broke out a makeup palette and started playing with eye shadow#kids were sprinting around the class in circles#kids kept running out the door into the hall#one kid appointed himself as Door Guard and started guarding the door for the rest of that class. he even completed his worksheet#shoutout to door kid#the hall monitor and teacher next door both came in at one point to yell at them#the moment they left it was back to sheer chaos#i made one kid cry because i told her off for being bad#one kid was hiding from the noise under a table in the corner and i just let her. i understood#how the hell can 1 adult control 30 9-year-olds tbh. how the hell do they expect teachers to do that tbh#you need 1 teacher to just sit in the back and yell at the kids when they get rowdy and another one to actually do the teaching#okay well#pain#myart#comix#substitute teacher#the pain#the agony even#my throat still hurts from all the yelling#teacher comic#im dying#good bye lol#I did 1st - 6th grade classes and 3rd grade was the worst. at least the 1st and 2nd graders could be distracted by telling them to draw#the older ones were quieter and better behaved in general#half the 1st graders cried at some point and one of them peed their pants. still better than 3rd grade#skjnsdkjdsn#trans
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FOUNDATION (2021-) You're the hero, Hober. You're clearly vital to the Prophet's Plan. Yeah, was vital. My job's done. So is mine. No. No, no, no. Listen, your job is just beginning.
insp.
#foundation#foundationedit#my stomach and my throat hurt so much#that's the locris wine logo btw (gifs 2 and 8). i had to recreate it from scratch but it's pretty close#making the last two gifs just now took years off my life i want to cry myself to sleep#foundation apple tv#brother constant#hober mallow#constant x hober#foundation spoilers#scifiedit#usergif#tvedit#isabella laughland#dimitri leonidas#beegifs#*gfx
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vent
...you know i had an entire different set of friends i would talk when i started on tumblr...
And now i stuggle to talk to them.... and then it feels so long that i dont feel worthy to talk to then anymore for anything... and then we... we just dont talk.. but I still follow them....
And sometimes i do try and then my asks never get answered!!! And then i just i just.... UGHHH
It happens a lot when i hyperfixate on a new fandom and... only go back to the previous one for months or... never.... it doesn't help the ability to talk to them since we dont like that same things now
And i.. i get scared that even friends i talk to for months currently, that we'll fall out too..... especially if there are big break in between talking with each other....
I don't want this to keep happening..... i would miss this.... i love talking with my current friends..... you guys make me so fucking happy.....
I dont know why i'm thinking about this so randomly... im so tired and im crying.......
If any of you mutuals read this.. you make me happy.. and you guys better have a good day.... and i hope we can talk forever into the future.....
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When do the waves stop hitting so hard? Tomorrow he gets brought home by a big police escort. The streets will be lined with people who knew him. The service is on Friday. I still don't understand how this is happening. I keep getting messages from people who worked with him, telling me what an honor it was to serve with him, which is making me angry. He was going to work. If they hadn't called him down south because they were scared of prisoner behavior during the eclipse, I would still have my brother. If he wasn't so hell bent on being a good officer, he would still be here. I don't care how honorable he was at his job, he was MY brother, that's what he really loved. Us, his family. And as far as I'm concerned IDOC took my brother from me. I want him back. I want this hell to be over. I'm angry at everything. People keep asking me if I need anything but what I need is my Andrew back. I just want my Andrew back.
#it's ok if no one reads this#it's rant here or just scream and scream#but ive done so much of that that my throat hurts#and my face hurts from crying#honestly everything hurts#all i want to do is scream and yell#like maybe if i just scream loud enough#the universe will give him back#but it won't#and now i have to try and keep breathing#even though it feels like im breathing in glass#and im going to break in half#i still have to wake up tomorrow#and do it all again#how the fuck did this become my life
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I'M????? I THOUGHT THIS DIALOGUE WAS CREATED BY A FANFIC WRITER— BC THAT'S WHERE I FIRST READ IT— AND OHMYGODDDD IT TURNS OUT IT'S FROM THE COMICS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
AAAAAAGH NO ESTOY SOPORTANDO GENTE. PHARMA'S BADGE WAS STILL RED— OUGHHHHH
#txt#ratchma#<- no one can stop me from tagging this as such. bc of course. i read this dialogue in a r/atchma fic and i thought it was from there#I WANT TO CRY AAAAAAGH MY THROAT HURTS WHAT THE FUUUUCK#HE WASN'T SURE TO GO TO DELPHI OUGHHHHHH PTM ME DUELE TODOOOO#IT'S 3.43 AM HELP ME WKFLKWKKSKKSK#comics
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yall ever watched the labyrinth high off your ass at 2am after screaming your entire soul out at a twenty one pilots hometown concert
#yall I’ve never been high before this shit is niiice#anyway.#my throat kinda hurts from screaming and smoking#I did scream singing a lot#and doing some crying bc josh was singggingg he sang SO much this show 😭#ANYWAY. if you haven’t you should try it. highly recommend#eve's thoughts
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randomly getting hit with waves of feeling so dizzy n strange the same as i do when i dont take my meds except i did today
#it feels like a wave flying through from the back of my head up front to my eyes n it Hurts while also making me dizzy n nauseous#my throat is aching too not like a sore throat but when u try not to cry o(-< pls why i didnt do anything
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I hope the amount of research I have to do for c:u! shows because it’s the most frustrating aspect of this project LOL
#jontalks#sorry for deleting prev post and ask I do that then get extremely paranoid I shared too much and nuke everything LOL#I can def talk about second update because that is when the cast expands that’s not spoilers you’ve read the presentation walkthrough page#I hope#anyway I have a very like big problem where I get extremely irrationally angry when someone tries to do something with older tech and it#very obviously wouldn’t do that. can’t do that. or just doesn’t make sense for the time#like every god damn analog horror series just putting boring ass text on a blank background or using ballroom music#that doesn’t make sense and you fucking suck#you can take some liberties SURE but you better show me some accuracy with all the other shit#this reminds me when mag protocol was like haha isn’t weird for this old software to have text to speech and I screemed in pain so loud#my throat hurt from how mad I was#do you know how painful it was to do any trope in c:u for the first update like the glitching I started crying bc I was like it wouldn’t#do this…..noooo..nooooo but I’ll remember I’m basing this more off creepypastas then stupid ass analog horror series and calm down#I don’t like analog horror I hope this is apparent#walten files gets a pass bc the fourth tape actually knocked me on my ass
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#I shouldn’t be alive if im going to cry from overthinking one little thing#ok it’s not a little thing. depending how you take it. but this shouldn’t be something where im shaking and sobbing over#my mom just left the house. now I can cry out loud instead of hurting my throat holding it in
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opened my backpack and all my notebooks are wet from the rain. misery
#bella.txt#i literally want to give up for the day so bad#my mask is uncomfy and wet bc i keep crying my throat hurts from th breakdown i had in my car before class and now my notebooks are wet#which means my laptop is probably wet too#these things sound so trivial but like. i woke up wrong. whole day is wrong. etc etc
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im so tough when im alone and i make you feel so guilty and i fantasize about the time you're a little fucking sorry do you think i deserved it all your flowers filled with vitriol you have everything but you still want more and
#this whole fucking song god i need to dedicate to my dad#he never fucking planned to send me away on time he never cared enough always so fucking selfish#ive been here since the fucking 8th and it's been 10 full days and today when i asked ab main kya bolu office mein kyu nahi aa rahi#aur kabse aaungi they need a date#he's like yehi 5000 ki naukri ki padi hai kya padhai kar rahi hai ya nahi#you waited the entire fucking time i was here made me do all your fucking chores from literally 6 am in the morning till night continuously#to bring this up?? how fucking selfish do you have to be#now he's like make a goddamn schedule sit with me for 1 hr we'll make it and only then ill THINK about sending u back#fuck him fuck him so bad#idk why he makes me feel so weak and hurt#he wants me to study on my own plus the subjects they're teaching in tuition and idk man it's impossible i can barely keep up with tui#and whenever i tell him that he says you're just not trying hard enough and as soon as he says that the floodgates open this unbearable#lump in my throat forms#today too he asked why won't i follow it aise kaise chalega and my throat was so choked up i knew that one word and i would start crying?#and i didn't want to do that crying in front of him is never good it just makes him more angry violent even#i braved it out for like an hour and then finally he let me go to sleep then i cried peacefully for like half an hour#idk why can't i just tell him fight him jist say like an adult that ye mere bas ki baat nahi hai mujhse itna kuch nahi hoga#even typing this out is bringing tears to my eyes#maybe because it makes ne feel like a huge fuckinh failure a loser a fuckinh dumbass unintelligent lost unfocused#i feel like id be proving him right by admitting defeat he said ill fail again if i continue like this and im afraid he's right#and i fucking hate that i can't do it but literally everyone else around me can very fucking easily?????#everyone is so. normal okay chill relaxed#they do their homework they don't procrastinate they understand what's taught in class in first go#they're consistent they do it thru months whereas me i last like 2 weeks max then it all goes to shit without fail#and i hate being so weak esp in front of him cause i know he doesn't understand or is sensitive to weakness he only wants me#to be strong inhumane like a machine who never gets tired#im so scared of what ill say in office why doesn't he get it's bad for rep and they'll scold me?? and it's not a fucking naukri it's an#internship where im supposed to learn field work and it's literally fucking mandatory to do it to sit in the exams#i spend like 7 8 hours there how do u expect me to not make it a priority at all#im trying my fuckinh best okay but schedules are suffocating impossible i have no energy to do anything besides some hw after 7 pm
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