#i still have to wake up tomorrow
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When do the waves stop hitting so hard? Tomorrow he gets brought home by a big police escort. The streets will be lined with people who knew him. The service is on Friday. I still don't understand how this is happening. I keep getting messages from people who worked with him, telling me what an honor it was to serve with him, which is making me angry. He was going to work. If they hadn't called him down south because they were scared of prisoner behavior during the eclipse, I would still have my brother. If he wasn't so hell bent on being a good officer, he would still be here. I don't care how honorable he was at his job, he was MY brother, that's what he really loved. Us, his family. And as far as I'm concerned IDOC took my brother from me. I want him back. I want this hell to be over. I'm angry at everything. People keep asking me if I need anything but what I need is my Andrew back. I just want my Andrew back.
#it's ok if no one reads this#it's rant here or just scream and scream#but ive done so much of that that my throat hurts#and my face hurts from crying#honestly everything hurts#all i want to do is scream and yell#like maybe if i just scream loud enough#the universe will give him back#but it won't#and now i have to try and keep breathing#even though it feels like im breathing in glass#and im going to break in half#i still have to wake up tomorrow#and do it all again#how the fuck did this become my life
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Good morning, Sleepyhead.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#'WWX was asleep for 4 days' is an incorrect factoid.#The average WWX sleeps for 8 hours. The PD-MDZS WWX who was asleep for 40 comics and 4 months is an outlier.#We are back to present day! I have missed drawing them!#Ah...the contrast between how the flashback ended (cold and distrustful) to how wwx wakes up (warm and watched over)...#The gap between the past and present is very important. Not just in this story but in our lives too.#The past can still hurt and it doesn't just go away with time as some say. It is the power of realizing that things have changed.#We can't get the good back. The bad memories have concluded. Those live somewhere else now.#It is hard to realize that you have to live for today and tomorrow. The past is so loud.#For WWX it is realizing that despite the mistrust in the past - He really does have faith that LWJ will be there for him.#It is the reflection of knowing that you changed and will keep changing and that change is good and kind sometimes.#But more importantly...and this I really do mean with all my heart:#It will all end up okay in the end. Even after the worst day. The most painful losses. You will get through it.#What feels like a breaking point is truthfully just another step you have to take. You'll get through it even though it feels like the end.#There are wonderful things you have yet to see. Friends you have yet to meet.#Even if it hurts so badly...one day it just aches. Someday you'll go a few weeks not remembering that it ever hurt.#Oh and because my izutsumi comic revealed many people were in need of hearing this:#You are loved. Right now. You are so loved right now. We just forget to tell each other that.#Go tell the people you love that they matter to you. I'm assigning you homework!!! You are graded on completion.
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How are you?
I am doing the best I can given the circumstances! (Horse dead, scammed thousands, got bald)
#There is an unspeakable agony in the marrow of my bones#I am rotting from the inside out in real time and I can do nothing but watch the decay and pretend to find beauty in it#But the maggots burrowing inside me love me more than anyone else ever could#For they have tasted me as I truly am and decided my rotten meat is something to savor#I am doing about as alright as any of you Number One#The earth still turns and I will wake up again tomorrow a little less rotten
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Happy Birthday, Kaveh!
#genshin impact#genshin impact updates#genshin impact news#official#official art#birthday art#kaveh#MY BOY MY BOY MY BELOVED LITTLE GUY!#i scheduled this last night so right now i should be waking up to post the rest#i'm still in ireland (leaving tomorrow) but i have to wake up to post kaveh#because i love him
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FUCK JUST NARROWLY MISSED SIGNALIS RELEASE ANNIVERSARY BUT IM POSTING ANYWAY
HAPPY ANNIVERASRY SIGNALIS!!!!!!
#jacoart#SIGNALIS#ariane yeong#elster#lstr 512#signalis fanart#fuck i can barely render and i have to go to school tomorrow fuckkfkfkffufmkcsjfkajf#ITS SO WORTH IT THO#I STILL HAVE TO WAKE UP AT 4AM BUT FUCK IT WE BALL GAY PPL TIME
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today i had a realization that kinda freaked me out at first and now has me feeling incredibly sad. so i live in a pretty cold place, right? the coldest in the region actually. the town is always covered in mist and clouds, and in winter it can get so cold it snows. so, heres what i realized today:
the trees. theyre still green.
i cant explain how disturbing this seems to me. green trees in november. yesterday the maximum temperature was 19 °C, and i dont know how that translates to fahrenheit but let me tell you that its pretty fucking warm for autumn. im not even sure if its going to snow this year. thats bonkers.
as a being from nature, this has me feeling actually nauseous. like i know im not the most connected to nature guy in existence, but even i can tell when something feels off. something has gone terribly wrong here, and i dont know what to do about it. fuck.
#i feel awful#you know when you are having a nightmare and something disturbs you so much it wakes you up?#thats the feeling. except im still waiting to wake up. but i know i wont.#im going to bed now so if you leave a message i probably wont see it until tomorrow. just a heads up.#whispers of the dragon#otherkin#nonhuman#vent
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i've just discovered that they were selling the silliest lucifer plush and i'm so happy about it (unfortunately i am too late to get one myself)
i only just refrained from giving lucifer a hat to match his old man pjs, if only because i'm really bad at drawing hats
bonus:
#obey me#art#ohh my god i should've given lucifer a little candle to hold.....#ah well i just wanna post this and then i gotta force myself to go to bed#i have to wake up So early to catch the train tomorrow and alas i've probably already left it too late#i mean i can always take a nap on the commute but still. bed cosy#obey me lucifer#jtta ik
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my contribution to the thing day! i've spent a lot of time seriously imagining it and managed to draw this up, only to discover i'd lost my lineart pen :/ so this is remaining as a sketch! it's not perfect, despite messing around with it i'm still not quite happy with the current dnp drawings and i cut off the writing (it's supposed to be lyrics from still into you by paramore) but i hope you all like it :)
#dan and phil#dan howell#phil lester#phan#dip and pip#phanart#dnp art#15 years#my god#the current one is based on that one thumbnail and the 2009 one is a screenshot from pinof 1#i love these two#i have a phlaylist that i was listening to while i drew this and i feel like this song was literally made for them#i have a little animatic of them going in my head whenever i listen to still into you#i've done my crafting#now it's time to cry#and go to sleep#and hope that whatever i wake up to tomorrow won't be too world shattering
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-Thank you to everyone who is still here liking, commenting and reblogging my content, even though I'm not posting much “fandom stuff” anymore, you're still here! And I really appreciate that.. (and that makes me so happy, that as I showed in the “comic”, it moves me, so- thank you, really!!) :]💛
Also- a tip: there are also many other blogs that don't post fandom stuff, but when they do, they get more likes and reblogs than the original/other content.. So also give love to those people who have your original content, reblog, like, comment, because that's what they need! Recognition for your original content! And I know you won't regret it, and it won't hurt you to do what I said! In fact, you will be doing good and giving such love that many wanted and deserve.
A big kiss/p and a hug! Even for those who only like it when I post fandom stuff, I still love you so much, and I won't stop making this type of content, ok? I just want to give more voice to what I have to give as original, because that's what makes me happy and well ^^
-Melissa, Designer.
#ok- I don't even know where to start/say more qioqbsksb#but I wanted to thank you again for everything you've been doing for me. it's really nice of you to still be here with me.#even though I'm not posting something that you “love with passion”. you're still here. and that's really cool!#and I know I've said this a thousand times. but always know that I love you very much and that you are very special!#I'm very happy to wake up tomorrow. look at my notifications and there it is: always a comment or reblog.#and I wanted to pass on this feeling of happiness to others too.#I want them to feel loved too and to have people who also appreciate their work!#so please. it's not too much to ask. give love and affection to these blogs that have/make original content.#make sure they also have recognition. more desire to create content and keep the blog alive!#and yeah.. a big hug and I hope you have a wonderful day/night💛#i'm mel and this is my blog✌️#my art blog#art#my art#my art <3#art mel#my art style#mel designer#melissa designer#my oc character#comicart#comic#kinda?#thanks you guys#💛
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#hellooooo it's been a long week for sure#got my exam results. did a lot better than i thought i'd do!!!#also had an interview for a place in a community college which i got#but i hopefully got into uni (i'll find out 2pm tmrw) so i mightn't need it!!!#i'm so scared man i'm used to class sizes of like.. 8 😭#and now i've gotta get 4 buses a day to the city and back instead of a 20 min stroll up the road 😔#did a pub crawl saturday to celebrate. had a lot of fun#been having fun with bg3 too!! i'm still on act 1#my ear is blocked again 😔 it's €60 to get it drained ughhh i'll just suffer on#getting my first tattoo soon though 🥳#enough about me lol i need to make a personal sideblog one of these days#i'll def have a lot less time to be active with sims stuff if i'm starting uni so i'll be sure to make one ^^#ANYWAYS here's ms macmahon#/roxana#i swear to god i'm going to catch up with all the new kmik posts when i wake up tomorrow#if i don't assume me dead#ts4
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What is this for, love? Home, or glory?
#pokemon#swsh#assistant sonia#gym leader nessa#aquaheartshipping#mermay#on a technicality dskjfhjk but hey. it is the base concept#maybe later on in the month there will be an actual monster. but for now. themb#happy baku draws dr. jones and callie again!! I still think about them. about dr. jones' six phds#instead of going home to ur wife!! ma'am#this was fully like. me fucking around with colors probably. I was just coasting my digital energy while its still there#and then. here it is#the full res file of this is very big#my last two digital things are all drawn on a giant canvas lol#(the other digital thing. u gotta wait to see. itll be awesome)#this tho. this is here on time. fish!!#I may need to lay down#well what else is new!! I gotta wake up early tomorrow to marinade the stuff. so. you know how it is#have a good night!! home or glory its all good!
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Usually I just save stuff like this to my drafts until I calm down but you know what, fuck it, I'm done.
Any so-called leftist who refuses to recognize that our options right now are "genocide abroad, progress at home" and "genocide abroad AND genocide at home" and that there is a significant difference between those two options is cordially invited to eat shit and die. We do not have time to entertain your anti-voting hopeless nonsense. A future in which we are able to move towards less death will always be preferable to the one in which we can't, and if you smug, sneering little clowns sacrifice that future on the altar of your own self-righteousness because you're too high on your own farts to realize how far up your own ass you are, I genuinely hope you fucking drown. Specifically, I hope you drown in the blood of the people who will die all over the world as a result of your bizarre refusal to work towards a future that doesn't include ethnic cleansing.
This is the United States. We sell war, here. I don't know how so many of you are only just now figuring that out, but you better get over your shock like yesterday because we are out of fucking time. We ran out of time when Reagan took office if not long before. You think not voting will improve any of this?
Keep calling, keep writing, keep screaming. Governments everywhere are (slowly) beginning to listen. Democrats are (slowly) beginning to listen. But Republicans never will, and if they seize power again next year (which they will absolutely do their damned to attempt), everything will be so, so much worse for everyone, everywhere. The work is slow and painful and imperfect but it will only get done if we show up and do the work, so keep calling, keep writing, keep screaming-- and when the time comes, you show up and vote for the future that lets us build a better tomorrow instead of just choking to death in the steaming shitpile of today.
#''i can't have No Genocide tomorrow!!! so i don't want No Genocide at all!!! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH'' that's you. that's how you sound#''if i can't have perfect then don't even fucking bother with better!! just give me worse instead!!'' are you for fucking real#you don't care about Palestine you don't care about anything other than being able to go ''Well. at least I didn't choose this.''#not choosing is still a choice! you stupid motherfucker!#choosing to stand at the lever and do nothing and watch the trolley crush five people is still a choice!!#how DARE you act like that blood is not on your hands!#again: THIS IS THE UNITED STATES. WE SELL WAR HERE.#not voting for Biden is not going to help Palestine!#in fact it will absolutely measurably make the situation WORSE!#for them AND everyone else!#this is the reality we are working with and if you want it to change then you HAVE to play the long game!#leftists heard ''don't let perfect be the enemy of good'' and went ''WHAT THE *FUCK* DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T HAVE PERFECT??! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA''#and i have fucking had it!#all i can do is try to keep working towards a day when the current left is the farthest right we have#but we are never gonna get there if y'all don't wake the fuck up and get moving#us politics#vent post#so help me god if this turns into a game of Spot the Tankie in the notes i'm gonna start knifing people
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Just made it to the end of the lost pages and I think I’m gonna finally sleep
My desk is COVERED in shredded sticky notes, my mind is full of codes,and I think I hallucinated some fuckin tv static like when bills boutta pop up in the corner of my room a while ago 😍😍😍😍 (which to a normal person would’ve been sign number one that hey maybe sleeping would be the right choice)
#there’s still so much to do#so so much#like for a while I didn’t have any sticky notes to put translations directly inside the book#so I just wrote them in my notebook#I’m gonna have to add all those in tomorrow#book of bill#the book of bill#hope my followers enjoy waking up to see my various posts of going insane over this book#gravity falls#gravity falls is consuming me once again ladies and gents
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it's real eepy sleepy hours rn (it is 6pm)
#i could sleep for 1000 years and still need a lil nap when i wake up#but alas#i have a day off tomorrow#which means i need to work late to meet my deadlines :')#someone put me in rice pls#elkk.txt
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Gil gets hurt and Thena takes care of him. We need some soft content hehehe free choice and thanks <3
"You okay?"
Thena blinked. Her vision was fading on her. She looked back at Gil, who was staring at her with those big brown eyes of his. She smiled, moving away from the edge of the loft and leaning over him again. "I should be asking you that. You need to rest."
"I am," he pointed out weakly, moving his eyes around to indicate the thorough incapacitation of his body. They had gotten up the ladder on pure adrenaline. They just needed somewhere off the ground and safe for the night while the herd outside passed, or at least calmed.
The barn doors were holding, thanks to the plank of wood they had secured after all of them holding them with all their strength.
Thena had spread out some hay. They didn't bring much with them--this was supposed to be an easy day trip for supplies. She had laid Gil down, balling up her sweater under his head as the least she could do. "Let me see it."
It wasn't as if he was in a position to stop her. He grunted as she pulled on his good arm to help him sit up, although even that caused his bad shoulder some pain. "You checked it five minutes ago."
"It was not five minutes ago," she argued with him, their voices hushed. Despite the tense silence and the low shuffling of the herd outside, it was quieter in the barn than the sterile, smooth echoes of the hospital. Not that they didn't long to be back there at the moment.
Gil let her unbutton his shirt and look at his shoulder again. He had tried to save one of their own earlier, even letting his arm be pulled out of the socket. But the herd had won, and she had pulled him away before he could be swallowed up too.
The swelling was still prominent. She didn't have anything to help with that, and neither she nor Kingo nor Ikaris were knowledgeable enough to pop it back into place for now. She wondered if they would even be strong enough.
"I've dislocated my shoulder before, y'know."
"Is that so?" she whispered, pulling his shirt away from him as if it would cause the injury to worsen. Already his skin was starting to change colour.
"I was maybe 14?--my dad thought it would be a good idea to make me join wrestling. Thought I was too timid, especially for being kind of a husky kid," Gil continued as she traced the edge of his swelling with her eyes. She didn't dare touch it. "Obviously, I didn't wanna do it."
"Obviously," she added, because of course Gil didn't want to fight his peers as a growing teen, probably just as sweet and shy as he was now.
"So, my first practice I tried to just go limp and play dead, but the other guy was not having it," he chuckled. She watched the shadows of his breathing against the glow of the flashlight. "He ended up popping my shoulder out, he was trying so hard. I was just happy I got to quit the team."
"Gil," she scolded him with a smile. The idea of young teen Gil, shy in a wrestling leotard and just trying to make friends crossed her mind. "I imagine it hurt then, too."
He let out a breath. He was careful about it. He was putting up a good front, but she knew when he was in pain. She had seen it enough during their time on the road. "I guess it did."
She frowned. This wasn't the kind of injury they could disinfect and wrap up. They still had to get him back to the car and then back to the hospital without incident. And this was the open road; it wouldn't be easy to mow a path for them back to the cars from here.
But she could do it.
Gil wheezed as she helped him lie down again. He forgot to pretend he was fine when he was moving, his face twisted in pain. "Bill-"
"Hey," she cut him off. She didn't even remember his name. They had only gone on a run once or twice before. All she had known in the moment was that Gil was in danger. "Don't."
"He's got a girlfriend back at the hospital," Gil whispered to her. He opened his eyes, staring up at the room of the barn.
She moved to lean over his face, brushing his tears away. "I'm afraid it could happen to any of us, out here. We know the risks."
They all had to know the risks. What's-his-name had signed up for supplies duty just like the rest of them had. Ajak didn't assign people roles based on whim.
Thena leaned in, pressing her lips to his forehead. He still wasn't running a fever (good). "We'll tell her together--how hard you tried to save him."
Gil shut his eyes again. There was nothing they could do about it now. "You should get some sleep."
"Hypocrite."
"Really," he wheezed again. "You're not gonna stay up until dawn just because I'm like this. We need you at your best."
Thena looked out over the rest of the barn again. She could just barely make out where Ikaris was leaning up against a pillar, although she couldn't see if he was sleeping or not. Kingo was curled up on a stack of hay, already knocked out from all the effort they exerted.
"Thena, I'm fine."
He was far from fine. He was hurt, and suddenly their days on the road weren't so far away anymore. The sting of peril was hot on their heels again. She could remember holding onto him, willing to pull off his other arm if it meant not letting go. Kingo was the one to pull them both, yanking her backpack to get them both up the hill and towards the barn.
She opened up her bag. She should have packed for the possibility of being stuck out here, regardless. They were getting too comfortable at the hospital--too spoiled. There had to be something she could use to help Gil in some way.
"Thena," Gil sighed as she pulled out a blanket. It was barely a blanket, more some ripped old sheet for acting as a trampoline if they had to drop things from a height and stay quiet. It barely covered from his elbows down to his knees. "Really?"
"I said hush," she muttered, moving on to his bag as well. She dug out the spare shirt he brought.
Gil moved his eyes as he watched her. "It's a nice idea, but I don't know if a summer gingham shirt is gonna offer much warmth."
She made sure to huff at him, pulling it on over her white t-shirt. she didn't bother buttoning it, but she did pull it closed around her. It was big enough to feel like having a blanket around her. "No complaining."
She curled herself up next to his good arm, wrapping her arms around her knees. He was right, she would need to sleep, even if it was nodding off for a few minutes at a time. But she couldn't take her eyes off the opening to the loft. Even after she had worked her absolute hardest to pull the ladder up with her, the thought of seeing something poke a gnarled, nightmarish head up and look at her-
"Thena."
She inhaled sharply. She was falling asleep by the second. Her head tilted and she nearly flinched at the dry, borderline icy look Gil was giving her. "I'm fine."
"I'm not asking you to sleep," he pleaded with her. His good hand moved until he could tug at the shirt of his she was wearing. "Just lie down, please."
She buried her nose in the collar of it. In truth, she was exhausted, and being tired made her feel cold. But more than that, this shirt smelled like Gil, and their room at the hospital. And she needed to feel that, right now.
Thena shifted her weight, lying down next to him, still basically curled in the fetal position.
Gil was most certainly straining his eyes to look at her. But he smiled. "Feels like old times, right?"
Times when she would be unable to sleep because she had something far too precious to protect? Yes, it did feel remarkably like that. It felt like when she watched him sleep the entire night after he got grazed by a bullet, or when she watched him sleep as his fever get worse and worse.
Sometimes she still woke up from that nightmare, unable to stop herself from checking if his forehead was hot.
The thought spooked her again. The next time she fell asleep she probably wouldn't flinch awake after a few seconds again. Gil was lying flat on his back, his eyes closed. His breathing seemed even. She shimmied closer as best she could. Just once more couldn't hurt.
She touched the back of her hand to his forehead; no fever. She leaned up and touched her lips to his cheek; a little scruffy, but warm and living. With that, she could lie down beside him, not resting on him but pressing her forehead to his arm, just to have some contact with him. This was the only way she could rest.
Tomorrow, she could worry about getting Gil home again.
#Thenamesh Zombie AU#thank you so much for the ask!!!!#I hope this is something like what you had in mind#the vibe for this au is actually one of my faves because it's kind of evolved#but it still needs to feel very real in that it's still the apocalypse#of course Gil gets to know people at the hospital and chats with people at lunch and on runs#RIP Bill the Sharon Davis of the Zombie AU#the doors are barred up#Thena wakes up tomorrow still a little on edge#none of them have slept enough but they need all the daylight they can get#Thena helps Gil down the ladder VERY carefully#it's not easy#Kingo follows behind while she and Ikaris make sure they have a clear path back to the road#once they get back to the cars they can breathe a little easier#Kingo and Ikaris go in one#Thena gets Gil loaded up into the other with what they managed to salvage#she drives him back#the pain is really setting in now that the shock and adrenaline are gone#she speeds back to the hospital and Ikaris tells her off for it later#but Gil finds Bill's girlfriend and apologizes in tears#Thena offers what she can#she went back and retrieved Bill's bag#what remained of it anyway#Gil thinks it's sweet of her because she's not usually sentimental like that#she says only to make you feel better now go to Ajak#Thena watches over him extra close for the next few weeks#also yes she checks his forehead almost every night especially if she can't sleep#it's her comfort paranoia okay?
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man i love trying making plans with a friend and 1) they forget or 2) they answer my request to shift the plans slightly after the time we made plans for /s
#context: we start school at 1 pm tomorrow (which is super rare) and so originally we'd planned for me to come over to their house and do a#sleep over except that the thought of doing a sleepover the day before school freaks my neurospicy brain out too much#so I sent them a message last night like “i'm really sorry but i'm not comfortable with doing a sleepover but yk i still want to come over!#they answered: “loool” “oki tbf i forgot 😭🙏"#“and yea idk I didn't do my homework yet.. im thinking maybe we can just call during the day and do stuff?”#“you can come over also”#“but i will be crusty and ill wake up at like 12 😭”#they sent that at like midnight and it's 5 pm and they still haven't answered my reply or even seen it and i really like them but I would#love a way of contacting them where I don't get ghosted for an entire day especially when they were the one who wanted to do something#together in the first place and now they're just off the internet and it's 5pm and i know they're practically nocturnal but they know i hav#parental controls and can't really call after like 6-7pm and AAARGH WHY DO I HAVE A CRUSH ON THEM THEY DRIVE ME NUTS SOMETIMES#rant#personal rant#no tags leave me alone#<i know there *are* tags lol but that's become my “personal post” tag lmao#also using this account bc they have my main although i don't think they're super active on here
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